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awwyeah107 · 4 months

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Forays Into Fandom

I felt it would be appropriate for one of my first posts on Tumblr to be about fandoms, and I’ve had this bouncing around in my head for a little while, so I wanted to share it. Basically, it’s my timeline of discovering fandoms and hyperfixations on media as well as some thoughts on my experiences with fandom recently. Also, heads up, it’s pretty long XD

One day, when I was 8 years old, I was at over at my best friend’s house and found a book with an orange cat on the front of it. I was intrigued, and I asked to borrow it. From the very first page, I was captivated.

Thus, I was introduced to my first real fandom: Warriors (aka Warrior cats).

And the rest is history.

Over the years since then, I’ve had the joy of discovering many more fandoms. I was in many fandoms before I knew what the term was, and I wrote fanfiction and drew fan art before I was aware that those were things other people did.

Around the time I first found Warriors, I started discovering more fandoms, most of which were book-based and of the fantasy fiction genre. This kicked off what one might call my “fantasy phase,” which I would say is still technically going. Back when it started, however, it was marked by devouring any and all (mostly) age-appropriate fantasy books. As I said, I don’t think my fantasy phase ever stopped. But that time of my life was when my love for all things magical and mythical came alive. My tweens brought more fandoms, including bigger/more well-known fandoms like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, and Avatar: The Last Airbender, as well as smaller fandoms like the Books of Beginning, the Land of Stories series, and Michael Vey.

The next major milestone in my fandom life came when I started watching the TV show Once Upon A Time. OUAT was the first fandom TV show I ever seriously watched, and it introduced me to my first OTP: Captainswan. I don’t think I have ever fangirled harder over a fictional couple nor shipped characters more intensely. I literally put their wedding anniversary (the date their wedding episode aired, that is) on my Google Calendar: May 7th, 2017. I love Once Upon A Time so much; I love how hopeful it is, I love the fantasy elements, and I love the characters and their relationships.

Then, my Tolkien hyperfixation started when I went to go see The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies in theater. It was my first Tolkien movie, and although people often criticize The Hobbit movies (myself among them), I will always be grateful for that film. It drew me into Middle-Earth and kept me spellbound throughout the entire movie. I had read The Hobbit when I was younger, for a book club, so I was generally familiar with the story: I knew Bilbo and the dwarves journeyed to Erebor to take back the mountain from the dragon Smaug. Despite the changes in storyline that they made for the movie, I was able to follow along enough to enjoy it. This led me to watch the other Hobbit movies and some behind-the-scenes/making of videos.

Right around the time I started watching Once Upon a Time and saw The Battle of the Five Armies, my mom started letting me use her Pinterest account (and then shortly thereafter, she let me create my own). Pinterest was my gateway into social media, and more importantly in this case, fandom media. I knew Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook existed, but I didn’t know of Tumblr until Pinterest. I was surprised and delighted to find that people posted online about books, TV shows, and movies that I enjoyed. Tumblr posts on Pinterests were how I learned of the term “fandom” in the first place. They were how I learned of the “golden age of Tumblr,” of SuperWhoLock, of iconic Tumblr posts (e.g., none pizza with left beef), and of fandom overall.

This marked another turn: I stumbled across a piece of fanfiction. And I was enthralled. Most of my reading was Hobbit and Captainswan fanfics. However, I felt quite guilty for reading it, because my parents had told me that I shouldn’t browse any websites they hadn’t approved first. I didn’t ask them because I was scared they would say no, since they didn’t know what it was. So although I enjoyed reading fanfiction, I felt like I had to hide it from my family. Finally, after two weeks of summer camp and vacation where I didn’t have access to any electronic devices that I could read fanfiction on, the habit was broken, and I stopped reading fanfiction. However, I dreamed that perhaps one day, I could admit what I had done to my parents and I could read fanfiction again. (More on this later.)

Because I needed something to fill the gap that fanfiction left, I decided to dive into Tolkien’s stories. I read Lord of the Rings and then took on The Silmarillion. Those took me into my freshman year of high school, along with Marvel movies—I started watching those with some of my friends, and Marvel was one of my top hyperfixations for quite a while. I also discovered a few other fandoms in high school that I really enjoyed: two of the more well-known ones would be Fablehaven and The Selection (the latter was my first taste of a romance-focused series). I was still an avid Once Upon a Time fan, though my hyperfixation on it waned when season 7 aired (I didn’t watch past the first couple of episodes because the majority of the main cast was gone and the overall story was different).

In late high school, after Once Upon a Time had finally ended and my Marvel hyperfixation started dying down, I began watching Doctor Who. I had always thought the show sounded interesting, but it wasn’t until a friend of mine insisted I sit down and watch the first couple episodes with her that I decided I wanted to watch it. (I have never, ever watched a show for which I have gotten SO many spoilers. Never. Most of that was definitely my own fault, because I had seen lots of SuperWhoLock content on Pinterest and I wasn’t super careful about avoiding spoilers once I started watching the show, but occasionally I would just run into something on social media or a friend would tell me something. I still haven’t fully caught up on the show, lol.)

When I started college, I found a roommate who, among the many amazing things about her, shared a love of fandoms with me. We had a lot of big fandoms in common, but also some smaller or less-known ones too. Because of this, we have had tons of discussions about different fandoms, watched TV shows and movies together, and freaked out about new announcements concerning fandoms. To this day we still do those things; we’ve been sending each other stuff about the upcoming Percy Jackson TV series, and we watched the first two Doctor Who 60th anniversary specials together.

Another turning point came when I discovered the band Greta Van Fleet in 2021. Before this, I had enjoyed different bands, but I had never really found a favorite band, so to speak: one where I liked all the songs, where I knew all the members’ names, where I kept up to date with their tours, where I watched interviews with the band, where I knew lots of background info about the band, etc. Most times, I heard a few songs from a band and went “They’re cool, but I’m not hooked.” This time was different. I really liked their first song I heard, Talk On the Street, so I decided to check them out. I listened to their songs and thought, wow. Their songs match my taste in music SO well! I was like “YES, I’ve found a band that plays the exact kind of music I like to hear!”. Another reason I liked the band was that the songs were not all about drinking, drugs, and sex. Most of them were about other, more philosophical things, without any loss of rock ‘n roll. This, I would say, is really where music and fandom collided for me. A band fandom (“banddom”?) definitely feels different than a media/fiction-focused fandom, because these are real people, and as such, I’ve drawn different boundaries in terms of how I engage with it. My hyperfixation on Greta Van Fleet has calmed down a bit, but they still have a very special place in my heart.

My newest fandoms are Inkheart and Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows, which I discovered in 2022. Inkheart was one of the books that had been on my to-read list for forever, and I finally decided to read it. I absolutely loved it (and the sequels); the style really took me back to the start of my “fantasy phase” when I was younger. As for Shadow and Bone, one of my friends persuaded me to watch it, and one night when I didn’t have any schoolwork, I decided to watch a few episodes. After the third episode, I was invested enough that I had to finish the first season, and then I read the books before the next season came out. I hadn’t realized before what a large fandom the Six of Crows books had, but upon reading the books, I immediately understood why—the character arcs and relationships are so compelling, and the setting and plot aren’t what I would expect of the typical fantasy world in fiction. (Interestingly, Inkheart and Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows are the first two fandoms I have published fanfic for!)

Sometime during college, I started reading fanfiction again on and off. And I found myself comfortable with admitting to my parents/family that I used to read fanfiction, and that I read it now. I haven’t discussed it with them further, and still don’t really talk about it much (though sometimes I'll tell my sister about fics I’m reading). January 2023 saw me getting back into reading Tolkien fanfiction, especially Tolkien fanfiction. I found some of the old fanfics I had read during my first fanfiction era, and I felt like I was 14 again, reading the stories I had read back then. I reached out to one of the authors, and it gave me so much joy to tell this person, “Hey. I couldn’t tell you back then, but I read your stories years ago and they’re some of my favorite stories. Thank you.” I’ve kept reading Tolkien fanfiction since then, and weirdly enough, it prompted me to read The Silmarillion again (it was my third time through, and it was the easiest time I’ve had reading it by far). I’ve been in the grip of the Tolkien fandom all year, and I’m planning on sharing a “Fanfiction Wrapped” soon (well, it’s going to be a fic rec list, but now I’m thinking of doing a real Fanfiction Wrapped…lol) for my favorite Tolkien fics I’ve read this year, as well as the handful of fics for other fandoms I discovered in 2023. I’ve found so many great stories and wonderful authors this year, and I want other people to get to experience the joy of new stories and authors too. Plus I love finding fanfic rec lists, so I thought it would be fun to do a rec list of my own.

For so long, I didn’t realize how much of a community aspect there is to fandom—and I think that’s because my parents kept me safe from the internet. I understand that and I will always be grateful that they kept me protected from really nasty, dangerous things that are present on the internet. I don’t feel any resentment towards my parents for that whatsoever. But now, as an adult in my early 20s, I’ve discovered that I can make my own choices about the community side of fandom and how much I choose to participate in it. It’s still something I’m pretty tentative about, at least when it comes to posting publicly; I’m very aware that anything that is put on the internet may very well be there forever. Public Discord servers feel a bit more private, because you have to join them to see the conversations taking place there, but they’re still public. Especially at this point in time, internet safety and privacy is quite important. However, you can still have fun while being safe, so that’s what I’m hoping to do. I’ve created this blog, I’ve joined some public Discord servers for fandoms, and I’ve even posted fanfiction. I have no idea how much further I’ll go into the online world of fandoms and fandom community—or just into the world of internet interaction and posting in general—but I’m interested in seeing where the journey will take me.

And who knows, maybe there’s a kid (or teen, or young adult) out there like me, who is tentatively taking their first steps into fandom and figuring out what this is all about. If that’s you, hello! And if not, hello to you too!

At the start of the year, I discovered the song “Still Into You” by Paramore through a YouTube compilation of Hobbit TikToks. (Yes, I know, I’m literally 10 years late to the game on that song, lol.) But it made me think of all my fandoms that I’ve had hyperfixations on and that come up now and again, like the Tolkien fandom.

So, to my fandoms: after all this time, I’m still into you :)

#fandoms #my fandom journey #hyperfixations #Warrior cats #Once Upon A Time #Tolkien #Marvel #Doctor Who #Greta Van Fleet #banddoms #if that's even a word #Inkheart #Six of Crows #Shadow and Bone #Grishaverse #fanfiction #fandom community #discovering fandoms #to my fandoms: after all this time‚ I'm still into you

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justanotherbarrelrat · 5 months

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So no s&b season 3 or Crows spin-off.

I guess I gotta pour myself into fanfics

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disregardcanon · 1 year

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also thinking about *fuck you* straightens your kingdom. i was like. hm. i guess if you gender bent kuwei and wylan that could be some level of interesting. but wylan actually seems like a case where his story HAS to be given to a boy. because jan van eck seems sexist enough that he wouldn’t have even waited around for a baby girl to BE a “disappointment” and would have just kept pushing out more babies until he finally got a baby boy.

fem! wylan probably would have been forced into some kind of unpleasant arranged marriage very young so that no one could start wondering what was up with her education. that’s not even thinking about what would have happened to her if she had wylan’s original level of street smarts on the streets of ketterdam as a girl.

fem! kuwei doesn’t seem like anything would change, really

fem! jesper is the same but she’s even hotter

#a journey through my drafts #grishaverse #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #kuwei yul bo #wesper

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princguard-a · 2 years

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It was always a joy to be at the races. Though, today was not just a normal race day. Lark knew the importance of today’s derby. It was the only reason she deigned to put on a dress. Of course it was at the insistence of Vasily that she looked presentable. Though, she knew exactly what he meant by looking presentable: Do not look like a bodyguard.

It was easy enough to oblige the horse crazed prince. So she wore a simple gown of forest green with golden tinted trim and lace. By fashion standards it was completely out of style but it was the only dress she owned and it would make due.

Being a few paces behind Vasily who seemed busy talking to other investors and horse owners, Lark scanned the parameter. She might be dressed up as if she was some show dog, but she would not budge on her carrying her rapier. It hanged securely by the leather belt snugged to her bodice. She’d probably earned a stare or two, but she didn’t care.

As she gazed out upon the crowd, her verdant gaze fell upon a familiar face. Her brows furrowed as she focused on the other Prince of Ravka. She glanced at Vasily for a moment--seeing as he was preoccupied by the other horse owners, she stepped away for a moment to address Nikolai.

“ You highness.” she spoke directly and gave a half hearted curtsy. “ I find your presence here surprising.” she went on. “ I didn’t think you’d had interest in the races, or could it be you’re here to show some brotherly support?” she asked, her tone was incredulous.

@kcrclrezni S.C.

#kcrclrezni #. THE PANTHERESS ( grishaverse )#. thread ( journeys into songs )#thanks for liking my starter!#let me know if i need to change anything!

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goatsandgangsters · 2 years

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I genuinely cannot believe that siege and storm is like “we captured the seawhip and escaped the darkling” by the end of chapter 4

and then it takes them until chapter 12 to travel back to os alta to resume the plot

there are only 23 chapters

#grishaverse #siege and storm #it is my least favorite of all 7 books #and the wonky pacing is a significant reason why #also the endless slog of mal being a douche and alina moping about it did not help #thank god nikolai was there to be interesting #I really don't know why an editor would allow this #the plot parts are rushed through and then there's all this filler that just draaaaaaags #and I'm normally a 'it's the journey not the destination' person and I'll happily read Character Stuff with a thin veneer of plot #but man. it's just not a well structured book.#I would have happily read an entire book of them being stuck on the boat and making slow progress tracking rusalye!#I would have eaten that up!#instead a rare and mythical creature was like a throwaway moment and then we got endless chapters just traveling to the next location

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reve-writes · 1 year

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—dense; kaz brekker.

ʚ kaz brekker x reader | grishaverse | 2,2k words. ʚ you're a bit clueless as to why the dirtyhands do the things he does, like call you schatje and pay you to steal something when he clearly doesn't need to. ʚ fluff. ʚ a/n maybe ooc kaz im sorry. more at the end!

Ketterdam is a marvel from afar, a pretty little flower offering promises of its nectar—new life, new opportunities, debauchery—only to catch you in its trap and swallow you whole. All the way up on the clock tower, roughly centralised in the port city, the Barrel is nothing more than bright lights emanating from bar signs and glittering roofs.

The bell rings, reveberating to signal the change of the hour. It's time to work, finally.

Your boots thump as you make your way down the spiraling concrete staircase, paying attention not to step on the chunks flaking off of the edge. Whoever was responsible for building this was clearly cutting cost, the concrete is about as fragile as clay.

A painting. It is an annoying job to do on your own, but your contractor offered a lot of Kruge for it—perhaps too much, but if Mr. Kikkert is willing to scrape his pockets for it, then you're more than happy to accept. It is more Kruge than you would ever need for a while, so you won't have to scrounge for scraps in this Ghezen-forsaken town. Moreover, it's been a while since your last job and you're frankly not doing too well.

You step lightly over the rooftops, hopping from building-to-building with sure, steady steps. You have done this for most of your lives, to avoid being stomped into the vile muck at the bottom of the Barrel, you learned to hide near the skies.

Where the painting is being kept isn't far from the Canal, just on the rows of overpriced apartments for rent. You were told that it was housed on the third floor of the corner building. Everything is going well. Your journey is uninterrupted and the stadwatch aren't on alert.

Until you spot him.

The familiar curve of his black hat. The high collar of his coat. The shining leather of his gloves.

Brekker.

You strut towards him as if you are neighbours crossing paths on your evening walks. When in truth, his Crow Club is on the other side of the town and you never come to this area without reason. You call his name sweetly. His head whips around immediately, finding you in the dwindling foot traffic of the street.

He says your name in a warning tone, suspicious of your being here.

“What? Can't I come and see an old friend?”

Brekker scoffs. “I don't know. Can you, schatje?”

You almost turn around and leave when you hear the term of endearment. He knows it gets under your skin—it always does. Your heart skips a beat or two and your train of thoughts gets interrupted whenever he calls you that. He means it as a jeering nudge and your head is wholly aware of that. Your heart, though. What a fickle little thing.

“A bit of a walk from the club, isn't it?” you say, falling into step next to him as he turns the corner towards the apartment building. “I assume you must be up to something.”

“Ah, but I'm always up to something.”

“I can't say I disagree,” you snort. “You don't happen to have a job around the area, do you?”

He halts, his cane knocking against the stone pathing. He turns to look at you and your elbows brush against each other. “Do you need anything? I have important matters to attend to.”

You bring a hand to your chest exaggeratedly, feigning a frown. “How callous. Call me schatje and throw me aside. Is this how you treat everyone, Kaz?”

“Only you, mijn schatje.”

You roll your eyes, unsure how to behave. Huffing, you say, “Stop calling me that.”

“I was under the impression that you liked the nickname.”

Oh, you do.

“I'll be going now. I've something to do. Stay off my job,” you warn. “You still owe me literal crown jewels from last time.”

Kaz's neutral expression shifts into fond nostalgia as he recalls the incident you're referring to. The crown jewels in question were under dispute by a pair of soon-to-be divorcees. One of them hired the Crows' help. The other called on you. One thing led to another and the item ended up in Kaz's hands and you went home empty-handed.

“I won that fair and square,” Kaz retorts. “Your current job wouldn't involve a certain painting, would it?”

Judging by his smug thin smile, you know that he knows.

“Tell me it isn't what you're here for.” You sigh exasperatedly. “Stay off of it, Brekker. I can't afford to lose another job.”

You think to be threatening, bluff your way out and tell him you'll tear down his Crow Club if he gets in your way, but you doubt it will work against the Dirtyhands. After all, you're one person and he has the whole Dregs behind him.

He looks at you with a raised eyebrow for a moment and for that terrible moment, you think that he may be there for the same reason you are, but he shakes his head lightly. “Fortunately, schatje, no. Stop looking as if you're going to murder me in my sleep.”

An involuntary smile blooms. “I wouldn't dream of it, Kaz.”

“Go on, then,” he says. “Be careful.”

You bite the insides of your cheeks to keep from smiling. “You too.”

With that, you part ways with Dirtyhands, entering the building. Your acquisition of the painting goes smoothly and the deal is closed swiftly a few hours later. It's too easy. You know it is. You're missing something.

Miss something, you did.

You push open the door to the Crow Club carelessly. The loud chatter mixed with atmospheric radio surges to meet you as you push your way past sweat-slicked bodies and drunken patrons. Your eyes dart back-and-forth, trying to spot the familiar curve of his black hat or the shiny glow of the head of his cane.

Jesper spots you from one of the open gambling tables.

“If it isn't my favourite thief,” he says, inclining his glass towards you. “Fancy a game?”

It isn't until you stop by his table that he sees the downward slope of your frown and the sharp glare you're giving. He instinctively sits up straighter, taking his shoes off of the corner of the table.

“Where's Brekker?” You ask, to-the-point, without indulging in your usual chit-chat whenever you visit.

The other three patrons on the table freeze—sensing the tension on your shoulders, too. They look between you and jesper, both confused and intrigued to know more. What is Ketterdam if it doesn't have rumours and secrets whispered about?

Jesper's brow furrow. “Are you okay? What's going on?”

To Jesper's knowledge, you and Kaz are on friendly terms, despite the frequent bickering. Hell, he assumes you're more-than-friendly, with the way Kaz gives you a nickname—an endearment, to be specific. Is it possible that you're going through a lover's spat?

“Brekker, Jesper. Where is he?”

A familiar rasp cuts through the rowdiness. “Here.”

Your head whirls around and you shoot an accusatory stare at the source of the voice. You stomp your boots as you make your way towards him. As you pass by him, you tug on the sleeves of his coat.

“We need to talk.”

“Hold on, schatje,” he says, still trailing after you. His cane knocks against the hardwood of the floor. “About what?”

You make your way up the stairs, to the second floor and swing the door to his office open as if it belongs to you. He has an eyebrow raised when he enters after you, closing the door behind him. He leans back against it, waiting for you to speak whatever it is that's on your mind.

“Kikkert,” you snarl. “You paid him to pay me.”

“That's quite a conclusion. How did you come to it?” His voice is level, not betraying whether or not you've spoken the truth.

You're pacing in front of him. “He says, and I quote, ‘If you're so close to Brekker, why doesn't he ask you himself to do this?'”

His eyes furrow and he runs a hand through his combed hair. He sighs, holding a hand up in a you-caught-me gesture. “Kikkert clearly has no idea what discretion means.”

You glare at him. “Do you think this is funny?”

He seems taken aback. “I don't see why this is a big deal, schatje. It's a job. You're paid. I get the painting. What's wrong with it?”

“Why are you doing this, then? Pay me for something you clearly are able to do yourself? Hell, whose painting was it? Was it yours? Did you pay me to steal from you?”

He doesn't reply, but the way he shifts his gaze away from you let's you know. It's as clear as a verbal admission.

“It was yours. That's why you were there. From your safehouse, wasn't it?” You stare at him in disbelief. “Is this amusing to you? I'm sorry if I don't quite see it as such.”

“Schatje—”

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

You can't wrap your head around Kaz Brekker's thinking process. He pays someone to pay you to steal a painting he already owns. What's his plan in the long run? To embarrass you? Hurt your pride? Is this some sort of ploy to rope you to be indebted to him?

He sighes. “You were struggling. I only wanted to help.”

“Dirtyhands doesn't help people. You don't run gangs the way you do charities,” you retort.

Is that all you see him as? The demjin? The one who's willing to stain his hands for the right price? Is there no other version of him in your eyes?

“You're forgetting the man behind the monster here,” he says softly.

“Am I?” You approach him, leaving a little over two steps in-between the two of you. “Who exactly is the man behind Dirtyhands then?”

He pushes himself off of the door, taking one step forward. The thump of his cane practically echoes in the room. The hustle bustle of the Crow Club is nothing more than a muffled sound. There's a sudden tension in the air—the same one that hangs over you whenever he calls you his schatje, but this one is heavier due to your lack of light-hearted banter to parry.

“Do you really not know?” he asks, as if the question is staring at you in the face. As if it's the most obvious thing in all of Kerch. His stare is heavy, dark irises acting like magnets that pull you in. He scoffs, “You really are dense.”

“Well, enlighten me, Brekker! None of this is making a lot of sense to me.” You let out a frustrated huff of breath. Your hands move wildly to stress your points. “You know what? Whatever it is, I don't want to know. Just — quit doing it. I'll never take another job from Kikkert. I'll stay away from your damned club and all your friends. I'll stay away from you. I'm a capable enough thief without your pity, Brekker. I don't need it. You can shove it up your—”

His gloved hand wraps around your wrist as it's flailing in the air. Your speech immediately comes to a halt and your eyes widen.

“You are impossible,” he says.

You snort. “And you aren't?”

“At the moment, no,” he retorts.

His stare is intense. It isn't until then that you realise you've taken a step forward during your rant, decreasing the perfectly amicable distance and turning it into a heart-thundering one.

“It wasn't pity,” he says. “You're capable, I have never doubted that, but even the most capable ones struggle sometimes. My intention is to help. Trust me on this. I know you're too prideful to accept any, so I paid Kikkert.”

“But why? Why bother?”

“Why?” He blinks, sighing loudly before continuing. “Why? Have you ever stopped and thought, for a moment, that I've been calling you schatje. Do you think that was out of pity?”

You bite the insides of your cheek and shake your head. “It was something else.”

“Has it ever crossed your mind that it's because —ghezen forbid— I may actually harbour fondness for you?”

You blink once, twice. Kaz thinks he much prefers breaking into the ice court than having this conversation right now. His hand trembles when he brings them to brush your cheekbone lightly. He lets out a relieved sigh when you don't pull back. Your hand wraps over his gloved one, the leather cold on your skin. You lean into the touch.

“I thought it was one-sided,” you say finally. “I'm quite fond of you, too, you know.”

“You do a horrible job of showing it.”

“Says you,” you argue. “Just—don't do it again. Let me handle my own problems, Kaz. I'll let you know if I need your help.”

He hums in agreement. “You'll let me know.”

“I will.”

The two of you jump apart abruptly when there's a loud knock.

“Boss?” Jesper's voice sounds muffled through the door. “Everything okay? I hope ___ hasn't murdered you yet.”

“I haven't,” you answer, half-chuckling. Turning to look at Kaz, you say, “It's funny how he doesn't assume you'll murder me instead.”

Kaz shrugs. “He knows I can't.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Can't or won't?”

“Both,” he answers. “Can we not talk about murdering each other after what just happened?”

Heat rushes to your cheeks. What just happened is you practically professing your little (well, maybe not-so-little) crush on him.

“So, is Kaz okay?” Jesper shouts again.

“Fine,” Kaz answers. “You can go back to your table.”

[ ]

i wanted to write something cute. schatje is taken from google and inspired from a kaz fic i read that used 'schatz' as a nickname. the plot is slightly ehhh? because it didn't really end the way i intended it to and i didn't proofread (when have i ever?). i was hoping to turn it into a two or three part series, but this is what we've ended up with & im quite happy with it. thank you for reading!

#kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #—ki writes 🍯

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jahayla-parker · 4 months

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Closure : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 5.7k wc, Kaz’s wife seeks help from Nina to allow Kaz to get some closure surrounding Jordie’s death. Hurt-comfort, fluff, slight angst (turned fluff), healing.

Warnings: typical Six of Crows and Grishaverse warnings, mentions of death and funerals and related topics, mentions of trauma and injuries, etc. Again, typical SoC warnings.

Out of the corner of her eyes, y/n watched Kaz closely. She could tell her husband was trying to act as if it wasn’t impacting him. But y/n knew better. She could see the distant look in his eyes as he tried to focus on the numbers for the Crow Club’s books.

Kaz owned his family’s farm back in Lij; under an alias, of course. He’d always had eyes on the land even while he stayed in the Barrel. But once y/n was informed of the existence of the property, she had begun to take the occasional trip to the area to check on it for herself/themselves rather than relying on Kaz’s intel. Y/n often did these trips as part of a journey to visit the other crows. Y/n would always update Kaz to the state of the property once she returned home. Over time, she also began tending to the land in small increments; planting the seeds from Kaz for her favorite flower in the planter boxes she bought from a market in Ketterdam, sweeping the wind blown debris from the rooms of the little house on the property, etc.

Kaz had made the occasional trip back as well, but primarily relied on y/n’s detailed descriptions, stories, and analysis of their place in Lij. It was hard for him to go back; for many reasons. But, he couldn’t deny he missed it. He also couldn’t -though he certainly tried- ignore the way he felt when he and y/n were on the farm in Lij. It was uncomfortable in the sense that it was unfamiliar. But it was otherwise peaceful and homely. Not that it mattered. Kaz’s life was here; in Ketterdam, in the Barrel.

The couple had talked about moving at some point, but the conversation would always fade out when it came to what they’d be leaving behind. While most of their closest friends had all parted from the Barrel and Ketterdam entirely, there was still something -or someone- they’d be leaving behind. Jordie. Kaz’s late older brother who was resting under the cold harbor of Ketterdam.

While Kaz felt guilty for not being able to leave the area, he knew y/n more than understood his reasoning. Yet, that didn’t stop him from having to face his racing thoughts on the matter tonight. He felt as if his head was spinning. He wanted to offer his wife a comfortable life, a life in his childhood town, where she would be safe and free to do as she wished, where he might be able to put his past behind him. After all, he’d gotten his vengeance on Rollins. The only thing keeping Kaz here in the grungy streets of the Barrel -other than the easy influx of Kruge, which he could surely find a way to continue if he left- was his brother. It was foolish. Jordie was dead. He’d died long ago and he wasn’t coming back. Kaz’s staying here wouldn’t change that. Yet it felt wrong to leave the place his brother was, even if it was the same place that had taken that brother from him.

“I’m off to see Mila Jandersdat,” y/n said, breaking the silence.

Kaz smirked at the unnecessary use of Nina’s undercover name. “Is that so?” “Well, tell Ms. Jandersdat that she still owes me a new hat,” he commented lightly, referencing the one the Grisha had stolen on her last departure from Ketterdam.

Y/n laughed. “I’ll be sure to let the Fjerdan Prince know that their spouse is still indebted to you,” she teased, leaning down. Upon noticing Kaz didn’t react in a way that told her stop, she placed a kiss to his cheek.

Kaz looked up from his desk as y/n turned to move towards the door. He grabbed her hands in his bare ones. “Take my coat,” he instructed.

“It’s not that co-” y/n protested futilely.

“Take my coat,” Kaz echoed.

Y/n huffed lightly but nodded. “I’ll be back after the bakery, you’ll sure you don’t want to join?” She waited patiently for Kaz to answer. For the first time ever when asking that question, she actually hoped he’d say no. He usually did, and she hoped that was the case again today as she wanted to talk to Nina alone.

Kaz rewarded y/n’s kindness with a small but appreciative smile. He shook his head. “The ledger needs work,” he mumbled vaguely. In reality, he was just too in-his-head to handle anything else. He squeezed his wife’s hands faintly as he watched her depart.

Y/n swallowed another sip of her lemonade as she prepared to switch the tone of the visit she was having with Nina. She’d let her friend catch her up on everything she had done since they last saw each other. But now, y/n needed to ask her for a favor. “Okay, so…,” y/n began with an audible shift in her tone.

“Mmm?” Nina questioned knowingly as she glanced up from her plate.

“I need a favor,” y/n explained cautiously. She bit her lip as she waited for Nina’s reaction.

Nina sighed. “I don’t do Brekker favors anymore,” she reminded y/n.

“He’s not asking, I am,” y/n clarified. “Although he does want his hat back, or a new one in place of it,” she added to break the tension.

Nina laughed loudly. “Okay, if it’s for you, sure,” she accepted.

“I haven’t even asked,” y/n pointed out, “you don’t know what it is I’m asking you to do”.

“Doesn’t matter,” Nina winked.

Y/n giggled and shook her head with a timid smile gracing her lips.

“What is it?” Nina questioned, taking another bite of her cinnamon waffle.

“It involves your newly acquired skill set,” y/n mumbled quietly.

“Go on,” Nina urged, waving her fork at her friend.

Y/n bit her lip nervously and sighed. “I need nothing more than help to locate someone…” she explained, hoping to minimize the weight of her request.

“Someone deceased,” Nina clarified knowingly.

“Yes,” y/n acknowledged.

“Why?” The Grisha questioned as she swallowed another large bite.

“Closure…” y/n explained vaguely. She knew Kaz was needlessly embarrassed that he didn’t even know the exact placement of his late brother’s body in Ketterdam. Y/n had once suggested he visit Jordie to help him heal, even if he didn’t believe that kind of thing. Only, that was when she learned how deep Kaz’s guilt went. He didn’t know Jordie’s exact location and he blamed himself for that.

Y/n didn’t feel like she was crossing any boundaries. Nina already knew of Kaz’s brother; they all did by now. Plus, Y/n had asked Kaz before if he would want to know where Jordie was. In doing so, she learned he did want to know, just hadn’t initiated the process; an area where he often needed a push or assistance with.

It didn’t take long for y/n to explain to Nina what she needed from her. Nor did it take long for Nina to put her new skills to work in locating Jordie’s body. Y/n had of course gone with her, and she was pleased Kaz didn’t have to experience that part. While Nina’s skills were impressive, they were also a bit disturbing when you knew the deceased person she was calling out to. Nevertheless, Nina succeeded. Meaning y/n could now offer her husband the chance for more closure when it came to his past.

Y/n and Kaz were donned in matching black overcoats, walking with their elbow linked, as they made their way through the streets of the Barrel. Y/n had informed her husband of her discovery and offered for him to go alone or for her to go with him, leaving it up to him. Kaz didn’t directly ask her to go with him, but he made it clear that was what he wanted. So, the couple had departed from the Crow Club and were now watching as people parted to make way for the Barrel’s most powerful couple.

Y/n silently waited beside Kaz as he stood staring out at the water in the exact place Nina stated she located Jordie. It was clear he was trying not to get emotional, his eyes twinkling as he fought back tears. “You don’t have to do this,” y/n whispered supportively, “or we can break it up, I just thought maybe-”.

“No, it’s fine,” Kaz muttered shortly. After a few seconds of silence, he sighed. “You…” he began, trying to find a way to properly thank y/n for bringing him this chance. “I need to do this,” he admitted. “I should’ve years ago”.

Y/n shook her head. “That’s not how this works,” she defended.

The tears slowly trickling down Kaz’s face softened the intense sensation of drowning that filled his chest as he stared silently at the water where Jordie’s body allegedly was. The flashbacks that played in his mind were powerful, but less severe than they had been when he first started getting them years ago. And the now-comforting feeling of y/n’s hand in his kept him tethered to reality, to the moment; keeping him from succumbing to the feeling of drowning.

Y/n watched as Kaz kept his eyes closed for awhile. She didn’t say a word. She just watched his facial expression, listened to his breathing pattern, and kept a close eye on his overall state.

When he was done standing on the shore before his brother’s sunken body, Kaz turned to his wife. “Thank you,” he whispered shakily to her.

“Course,” y/n said, squeezing Kaz’s hand. She could tell he was still fighting off the rising water in his chest so she moved her hand to his jacket-covered elbow. “Let’s get you home,” she suggested warmly as she guided them back to the Slat.

“Th-” Kaz cleared his throat as he looked up from his dresser to make eye contact with y/n through the mirror. “Thank you,” he whispered gruffly. He took a long deep breath before adding, “for having me go”.

“Of course,” y/n hummed softly. She watched Kaz’s facial expressions in the mirror as she pushed her boots off with her feet. “So, it helped then?” She asked, trying to confirm she’d read through his faux stoic expression properly.

Kaz shifted his gaze back to his dresser as he stripped his outer layers off. “I know he’s gone,” he stated simply. But, his shoulders loosened and lowered as he nodded slowly. “But… yes, it did.”

“I’m glad,” y/n said and smiled tenderly as she crawled into their bed. She scooted under the covers as she analyzed Kaz as he prepared for the night. She could see that while it would still take time, today’s adventure had initiated a healing journey that hadn’t truly begun before now.

“You can tell Ms. Jandersdat that I don’t need a new hat,” Kaz mumbled as he approached the bed. He noticed y/n’s grin and small chuckle. He smirked and took a deep breath before he carefully slid into his side of the bed. “Goodnight, y/n/n,” he whispered as he uncharacteristically let his left hand cross the space between them under the sheets and rest atop y/N’s.

Y/n sighed as she searched the last possible place in the Slat that Kaz might have been. She’d already searched the Crow Club before she headed here. Yet, she still hadn’t located him. As she thought about where else her husband might have snuck off to, she thought back through what had transpired in the first place.

They had been sitting together in Kaz’s office this evening when he got word that there’d been an incident. One of his lead Dregs had informed him that this young orphan boy had somehow managed to find himself getting mixed up with Kaz’s crew. He hadn’t reacted well. The young orphan would be fine, but Kaz had set clear rules for his Dregs and this was a violation. He had stormed off to chew out his crew over the mistake. Y/n had been beside him as he lashed out at the Dregs and informed them of the sanctions for such an incident. Meaning she was there when he announced that as part of their consequences he was going to be taking their wages for the week. He’d grumbly whispered to her as he requested that she take the sum of their wages and ensure the boy’s hospital stay was paid for (and give him the remainder as compensation). When y/n had returned from doing so, she noticed Kaz’s disappearance.

Y/n knew as soon as they heard of the incident what Kaz would feel and how he’d react. She also knew why. The situation was far too familiar and personal for him. So, it hadn’t surprised her when he was not in the Slat nor the Crow Club when she arrived. However, it wasn’t until she remembered his behavior over the last several weeks that she realized where he must be.

Y/n buttoned her coat as she made her way to the harbor. She knew Kaz had to be there. It made sense when she recalled how often he’d been coming here since the day two months ago when she and Nina located Jordie. She had made a makeshift generic headstone (knowing Kaz wouldn’t want people to know the meaning or significance of the place much less connecting it to him) for the site so that if Kaz wished to return on his own he could do so easily; even if he was distracted by the emotional turmoil in his mind upon doing so. She and Kaz had went to the site together multiple times. And in the last few weeks he’d even gone by himself. It would make sense that today’s triggers would bring him back to the site that he now found some kind of connection and healing at.

Y/n saw him instantly. It didn’t matter that Ketterdam was pitch black at his hour and that Kaz was dressed head to toe in coal black clothing. She’d recognize Kaz’s silhouette and shadow no matter what. She watched him closely as she approached. He’d been getting better at opening up to her and even to himself since first coming here. But there was only so much he could do while staying stoic and keeping up his menacing image for the public. So it was no surprise that even tonight he was still keeping a wall up. He was shaking slightly, his breathing sharp and fists clenched. She could see he was still furious over what had happened, but the shine of the moon highlighted the fact his eyes were more moist than normal. It was progress, he was letting himself grieve finally. She debated about whether to approach or just say back and let him have his space. But, before she could determine what the best option was, Kaz answered it for her.

“You do not need to spy on your husband from the shadows,” Kaz muttered, his fists unraveling as he pictured the bashful expression that was likely gracing y/n’s face over his teasing comment. His back was to her as he stayed looking out at the harbor, but he heard her approaching. He extended the hand not holding his cane to the side, taking hold of her hand when she reached him. His eyes flickered over at her as he quickly scanned her to ensure she was dressed properly for the cold weather and had brought her weapon with her. After his eyes took in that she was wearing the thick winter coat he’d gotten her last year, long pants, boots, and saw the outline of her weapon in her coat pocket, he let out a silent sigh of relief. “It was a joke,” Kaz muttered as he watched y/n’s face.

“What?” Y/n questioned, her head turning to face Kaz.

“My comment, when you arrived,” Kaz explained. “It was a joke”. He squeezed her hand as he interlaced their fingers. “I mean, you don’t have to spy, but-”

“I wasn’t spying,” y/n argued.

Kaz lifted his brows teasingly as he gazed knowingly at y/n.

Y/n chuckled and shook her head. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be alone,” she explained.

Kaz hummed. “I always want to be alone,” he admitted, looking back at the water. “Especially when… feeling like… well… feeling,” he simplified. He shook his head as his gaze returned to his wife’s presence. “Unless it’s you,” Kaz confessed, his cold cheeks thawing briefly as he blushed madly.

Y/n grinned at Kaz and squeezed his hand. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she promised. It was an indirect vow to fight off any uncertainty on how to proceed when Kaz was dealing with something. But, they both knew what it meant. Kaz was healing, he was being more open and honest, more needing of and seeking out his wife’s love and support when he needed it instead of shutting down and trying to push her away.

“What do you think would help you get closure?” Y/n questioned once she saw the faint calmness take over Kaz’s face.

“This helped,” Kaz admitted, referred to y/n having gotten Nina to help find Jordie’s body.

“I know, I can see it,” y/n hummed as she tenderly smiled over at Kaz. “And, I’m glad”. Y/n rubbed her thumb over the back of Kaz’s hand. “I know you don’t have faith or a religious belief of any kind, but,” she hesitated briefly, continuing only as Kaz squeezed her hand, “do you think a burial might help?”

“What?” Kaz croaked out in confusion and shock. He wasn’t sure what he expected y/n to say as a possible solution. But, he’d never anticipated that.

“Burying him,-” y/n began cautiously.

Kaz stiffened as he glared out at the water before them. “He is buried,” he pointed out.

“Right, yeah, no I know, Kaz,” y/n agreed sympathetically. “But, you hate the harbor, and well, water,” she frowned, “even outside of this, it’s distressing for you”. She sighed as she gazed out at the water as well. “So I thought maybe… I’d suggest that you think about an underground burial for him”. Y/n knowingly moved her hand around in Kaz’s hold when he tensed so that he wouldn’t feel as if he was holding a cold & stiff hand. “You’d still have a place to visit him, and-” she explained slowly.

“I can’t,” Kaz told y/n, cutting her off.

Y/n analyzed her husband’s face as she thought over her next words. “You wouldn’t have to see anything,” she promised. She knew he’d never admit such a vulnerability out loud while they were out in the public, but she knew it was likely one of his hesitations; Kaz already had Jordie’s dead body engraved in his mind, he didn’t need to see it again. “It would be done in secret, in the background, just Nina and I, we’d handle the-” y/n elaborated.

Kaz suddenly sharply turned to face y/n. His anxious eyes scanned her face as he tried to read if she was lying. “You’d do that?” He asked.

Y/n nodded affirmatively. “If you wanted, yes,” she promised. “I’m not expecting you to want to see, touch, or otherwise deal with any of this, Kaz”.

Kaz nodded slowly. He turned from y/n as he thought about her proposal. After a few moments of silence, he shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Okay,” y/n replied, squeezing Kaz’s hand. “That’s fine,” she assured him. “I knew you might not want to, I figured I’d offer but-”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want that,” Kaz spoke sharply. He closed his eyes painfully tight and sighed as he regretted his tone. His regret increased as he noticed the way his wife paused. Kaz took a deep but shaky breath before continuing. “It’s just…” he sighed, “Lij”.

“What about it?” Y/n questioned delicately as she scanned her husband’s profile.

Kaz’s eyes flickered off the water and towards his feet. He sighed and shook his head. “That’s where we should be.” He lifted his gaze up to meet y/N’s as he added, “you love the house and-”.

“Kaz,” y/n sighed.

Kaz shook his head softly, a silent signal for y/n to wait for him to explain before trying to confront him. “I want to be there too,” he confessed, watching his wife’s face for her reaction. “For us to be there. Together.” He tried not to cringe at how broken his words were coming out. “Not just for a trip. But for our…h-ho-….” Kaz murmured in a hushed voice.

“Our home?” Y/n clarified. When Kaz nodded stiffly, she smiled softly. This too was a big step for him, in many ways. “I love that idea, you know that.”

Kaz broke his eye contact with y/n as she looked back out at the water. His face took on a saddened expression. “I can’t ignore what happened here or move on,” he said remorsefully.

“No one says you have to forget or ignore it,” y/n commented, squeezing Kaz’s slightly trembling hand. “If you wanted to do the burial,” she began carefully.

“If we did the burial,” Kaz sighed, “we’d still be stuck here or I’d have to come back”. He shook his head. “I mean not have to, but-”.

“Kaz,” y/n spoke tenderly in order to stop his rambling. “He could come with us,” she suggested.

“What?” Kaz whispered.

Y/n rubbed the back of Kaz’s hand with her thumb. “Nina and I could get him back to Lij,” she offered. “He could have a proper burial”. She hesitated but continued with her thought, “a funeral even”.

“No mourners, no-” Kaz griped.

“Kaz,” y/n giggled lightly. She smiled faintly as her giggle made Kaz’s lip curl. “This is different,” she explained.

“No funeral,” Kaz replied firmly. Despite his gruff voice, he squeezed his wife’s hand as a silent thank you for the offer.

“Okay,” y/n accepted easily.

“But…” Kaz trailed off.

“But?” Y/n pressed gently.

Kaz took a deep breath and sighed. “Perhaps.. I do owe it to him,” he began slowly. “To finally get him out of these waters”.

“Kaz-” y/n frowned.

Kaz sighed but nonetheless accepted y/n’s unspoken response. He revised his wording as he knew why he was being scolded. “I owe it to him… to let him rest,” he rephrased quietly. “Even if just his body”.

Y/n’s lips curled minutely. “Okay,” she nodded. “We can arrange that”.

Kaz’s grip on y/n’s hand tightened unconsciously as he thought about the arrangement more. “I don’t…. I can’t see his-” he mumbled.

“You won’t,” y/n promised. She knew he meant he couldn’t face seeing his late brother’s body. And she had never intended for him to. It was an easy promise. She and Nina would get Jordie to Lij for Kaz without Kaz having to be further traumatized in the process.

Y/n’s eyes flickered between the wooden door that lead down to the cabin of Inej’s ship and the wooden casket that was being loaded on board.

Everything from their home was already packed and ready to depart via Inej’s ship to travel to the other end of Kerch; to Lij. Everything but Jodie. Y/n had sequestered her husband Kaz below deck with Wylan and Jesper to keep him company. Meanwhile, Nina, Inej, and several clueless Dregs, loaded Jordie’s coffin onto the ship. The engraved dark mahogany casket with elaborate metal hinges and personalized engraved metallic plating that was now encasing and hiding Jordie’s body had been made by Jesper and Wylan at y/n’s request. She and Nina had seen to getting Jordie’s body from the harbor to the casket undetected. Well, Nina managed Jordie’s body and ensured there was no lingering contagion nor decaying smell. While y/n had been on lookout in the immediate vicinity of the scene. And now Inej was helping them transport the unlabeled casket to Lij. It had been a full team effort and y/n was beyond grateful that her friends were so willing to help her with this.

Once the casket was secured, hidden from sight, and covered with a weather proof sheet, Y/n dismissed the clueless Dregs. She thanked the girls as she made her way down to the cabin below deck. She gave Kaz a small supportive smile in greeting as his eyes snapped towards her upon hearing her enter. She made her way over to the boys and sat down beside Kaz.

Kaz watched y/n fight her visible exhaustion as their friends chatted about their respective experiences in their new lives. He stared expectantly at her profile, waiting for her to glance his way in a silent question as to if she could rest against him. Only, she didn’t seem to notice. Instead, Kaz watched her eyes blink at an absurdly slow pace as she tried to fight a yawn. He stifled a chuckle, the suppressed desire to grin showing up as a faint smirk. He shook his head and nudged y/n. Kaz gave her a knowing look, pleased when she quickly comprehended his request and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Ready to give all this up?” Y/n asked in a whisper as her friends listened to Inej informing them of her latest adventures.

Kaz seemed to falter in shock. But, as he looked over at his wife, he nodded confidently. A smirk graced his lips as he murmured, “I’m always ready”.

Y/n giggled and playfully rolled her eyes. She leaned into his shoulder further as she smiled around at their friends. “Hey guys,” she whispered, quietly interrupting the conversation. When they turned to face her, she was greeted with several grins and knowing smirks given her current positioning with Kaz. “Thank you all for coming to help us move,” y/n hummed.

“You both helped us during ours,” Wylan commented with a smile.

“Well, y/n did,” Jesper corrected smugly, “Kaz just stood around”.

Kaz shot Jesper a light glare. “I was supervising,” he stated.

Y/n laughed loudly, covering her mouth with her hand when Kaz’s gaze snapped down at her questioningly. She giggled behind her hand as she tried to stifle her laughter. She lowered her hand and gave Kaz an innocent grin, making the corners of his lips curl up as he playfully shook his head at her.

———

Y/n made her way back down to the lower deck of Inej’s ship. She’d just gotten back from checking on the burial site. Earlier she’d arranged for one of the workers who’d been tending to the farm while they were away due a grave site prior to the crows’ arrival. Y/n had ensured that it was completed and was now returning to her husband as he waited below deck.

Y/n’s eyes met Kaz’s and she then glanced arrived the room in silent communication with him. She watched as Kaz nodded in understanding and acceptance that the others in the room, namely Jesper, was going to hear whatever she was about to say. She nodded back and walked to his side. “He’s in a casket, Kaz,” she explained tenderly. Y/n spared a look at Kaz’s hands and realized he must’ve caught on to her uncertainty as he randomly flipped his palm up and extended his hand towards her. She gave him a small smile and took his hand in hers. “We’re going to move him to the burial site,” she explained slowly, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. Y/n had a feeling she knew the answer to her question, but she didn’t want to not offer him the chance. “Did you want to come up and,-?” She began quietly.

“No,” Kaz replied stiffly as his body tensed.

“You don’t want to watch him go into,-” Jesper began to ask, not noticing the look y/n was giving him.

“No,” Kaz repeated gruffly. His hand tightened in y/n’s hold and he shifted his jaw. He managed a deep breath when her warm hand squeezed his lovingly.

“I know it’s hard,” Wylan said sympathetically. “But, it’s the only time-,” he argued, squinting in confusion at the realization y/n was shooting daggers at him.

“That’s enough,” y/n stated firmly. She shot her husband a subtle sympathetic look. She squeezed Kaz’s hand again, her thumb grazing the back of it as she went to move. She nodded her head at the others in signal for them to follow her.

———

“That was really beautiful, y/n,” Inej commented supportively as their group made their way back to the farmhouse.

Y/n smiled appreciatively at her friend. She and most of the other crows had all gone with her to help her bury Jordie’s casket and body. She intentionally buried him beside this one specific tree she recalled Kaz previously telling her a childhood story about. It was one of the few childhood memories Kaz actually had. While it was likely a story Jordie had passed down to Kaz, given Dirtyhands would’ve been too young to recall anything from his time here on his own, that almost made the location even more sentimental.

While y/n and the other crows respectfully buried Kaz’s late brother, Jesper had stayed behind to keep Kaz company. Not that Kaz would ever admit to needing or wanting such, even now. But his crows, his found family, knew him well enough.

As the group entered y/n and Kaz’s new home, Y/n greeted Jesper with the same appreciative grin she’d given the others after they helped with the burial. “Alright, so,” she murmured as her black boots echoed on the tiled flooring under her feet. “I say we unpack the bedroom stuff first?” Y/n asked, looking at her husband for his input, knowing Kaz wouldn’t want to talk about what she had just finished doing.

“That’s important,” Inej agreed, quickly picking up on y/n’s intentions.

“I’d say so,” Jesper smirked smugly as he winked over at the couple.

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Not like that, you degenerate,” she laughed. “I meant so that we would have something to sleep in. We can unpack over time but I kinda would like something to lay on,” she joked as she took her husband’s left hand in hers.

“Lay on… while wearing what?” Jesper teased as he wriggled his eyebrows.

Kaz used his unoccupied hand to smack Jesper upside the head as he also shot him a look.

“Whaaat?” Jesper whined as he held his head. He looked between y/n and Kaz as she parted from Kaz as she made her way over to the moving boxes.

“What do you mean what?!” Kaz remarked, his eyes scrutinizing his friend.

“Wylan doesn’t care,” Jesper defended, rubbing the back of his head. “He knows I’m joking,” he laughed with a shrug.

“I don’t care,” Kaz remarked simply as he waved the comment off dismissively. “Don’t talk about my wife like that,” he ordered. From his periphery, he saw the grin that formed on y/n’s face as the title ‘wife’ left his lips. But his scolding gaze never left Jesper.

Y/n walked back over to the bickering boys and rubbed Kaz’s back through his coat. “You heard him,” she said as she smirked at Jesper before she passed by them with a box in her hand.

“Y/n,” Jesper groaned loudly. “Help me out, it was a joke,” he whined with a dramatic pout.

“You’re on your own, Jes,” y/n chuckled from the hall.

Kaz continued to stare as Jesper turned back around hesitantly. He stifled a chuckle as the sharpshooter gave him a faux innocent expression. Kaz shook his head as he brushed past him on his way to help his wife with the boxes she had been carrying.

———

“If you keep smiling so much Brekker, you might erase your hard earned scowl lines,” Nina teased with a smug grin as she watched her friends who were snuggled up on the couch in their new place.

The group had all been making playful comments about how happy Kaz looked. But, it hadn’t caused the man to part from his wife’s side. Instead, he just teased them back or lightheartedly glared at the remarks throughout the evening.

As Kaz turned to face Zenik, his eyes caught sight of window and he realized that it was now after dusk. “On that note, I think you should be on your way,” he murmured.

“Kaz,” y/n scolded with a laugh. She shook her head and tugged on his arm she had linked with hers.

Kaz chuckled as he gazed down at his wife. “What?” He questioned with pretend confusion.

“He’s just playing coy, we know he loves us being here,” Nina winked. “But, we probably should head out before it gets too late,” she acknowledged.

Y/n smiled at their friends as they gathered just outside of her and Kaz’s front door for final goodbyes. She quickly parted from her place at her husband’s hip as she went to give everyone a hug. “Thank you all, again,” she smiled. “Please feel free to come visit, anytime,” y/n offered, returning to Kaz’s side.

Kaz gently set one of his hands on y/n’s far hip once she was back beside him. “But, write first,” he said stoically, despite the playful glint in his eyes. “Otherwise, you risk finding yourself staring down the wrong end of a barrel,” he warned.

“We know, we know,” Jesper smirked. He and Kaz exchanged knowing glances as the group all said they goodbyes.

———

Y/n watched from the window of their new home as Kaz sat beside Jordie’s burial site marker. If he’d visited before today, she hadn’t seen it. But, she was proud of him visiting the area after having only been here less than a week.

The tree and connected burial site were far enough away from the house that y/n had to squint to see much of anything from this far away. But she didn’t need to. She was simply proud he was finally allowing himself to grieve the loss of his brother after all this time.

Y/n wasn’t naive. She knew there still had a long way to go. That Kaz still had a lot to work through. She knew it might be difficult along the way but she was happy they were here. Kaz could now rest. He’d exacted his revenge on Pekka and now he’d helped his brother find rest back home. So, while they’ll still earned some income from the club, Kaz could finally have a life that wasn’t not so hard on his injured leg or traumatized mind; one where he could find closure and peace. And he deserved that.

Taglist: @dil3mma @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @winstonthecow22 @alex-kazbrekkersimp @wolfmoonmusic @phoenix666stuff @kentucky-criedfricken @twlegit @valeridarkness @shara-ne @crazyhearttragedy @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @el-de-phi @adalia-jaycee

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toron0 · 1 year

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man I’ve seen a few posts now about wesper being an example of the hypersexualization of queerness and, idk, it sort of doesn’t sit right with me that showing a queer relationship as explicitly sexual is being called inherent hypersexualization? Like in general obviously queerness IS hypersexualized and that is an issue, but as a queer person it was such a lovely thing to have a show not just hint at a queer relationship, not just say ‘these two characters are together and you know that because we said so and maybe let them kiss once’, but allow a queer relationship to take up space and never shy away from making it clear that they ARE together and this IS a sexual relationship *as well as* a romantic one. One of my favourite things about the grishaverse is how queerness is just accepted without being talked about, like I don’t think there’s even one instance of homophobia at any point? And I love that we got to see this relationship on screen, it was such a balm to the soul to see queerness openly depicted and go unpunished. Yes, it’s not at all a slowburn, but it’s good in its own right, and there are definitely still things to explore that could create and maintain tension in the relationship (Wylan’s identity and back story is a big one, but the show also hasn’t gotten too deep into Jesper’s gambling yet, and I feel like they will they’re just saving it; plus the parem storyline could complicate Jesper’s relationship with his Grisha identity in new ways) so that they don’t become boring/irrelevant. It’s safe, it’s lovely, it’s so fucking tender it drives me insane (kit young’s physical acting - Jesper’s hands are so GENTLE with wylan it kills me every time they are so soft.) If you didn’t like it that’s completely fine! You’re allowed to dislike a piece of media lol. But many queer people - and don’t forget these are queer adults not teens - have sex, and it isn’t inherently fetishizing or hypersexualizing to let viewers know that. Esp in a show that explores sexuality in ALL it’s main relationships, the rest of which are between a man and a woman.

(On a slight side note I’d argue that wesper in the books aren’t actually a slow burn anyways, it just feels that way because it takes like one and two thirds of a book to get there, but the actual timeline from strangers to moving in together is like. 3 maybe 4 weeks tops, depending how long the boat journey back from the ice court took - and they didn’t even talk on that journey, just pined. Helnik is established first but they have like a year and a half of history at least, and Kanej have what, 2-3years of history? Wesper canonically speedruns a relationship too it just feels drawn out as readers bc the books themselves only cover 3-4 weeks of time.)

#I’m sorry but meeting as a ons and Jesper not remembering is so fucking funny to me #they’re adults and it felt very in character to me personally #but more importantly it’s just so fucking funny #they also did an amazing job with showing Wylan’s agency #which hopefully will help counteract some of the uwu baby cinnamon roll characterizations out there #and just generally the fandom tendency to infantilize wylan #here we have: two consenting adults #wesper #wylan van eck #Jesper fahey #grishaverse #six of crows #sab s2 #sab spoilers #sab s2 spoilers

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pitiplush · 5 months

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Hi, I know I've been MIA for a while, but since the news about the cancellation of Shadow and Bone broke I've been sad and I need to let it all out. I've come to think of my blog here like a safe haven, so there's no better place for this.

These photos are of the very first original amigurumis I've ever made (sorry for the first photo, I hastily put it together just for this post because none of my photos seemed good enough). As you can see they are some of the characters of Shadow & Bone: Alina, the Darkling, Inej and Kaz. This was back in 2021, when the show premiered. Back then I had never heard of the Grishaverse, but when I saw the teaser my curiosity was piqued so I gave the books a chance and I LOVED them. After so many years on a reader's block and at a time in my life where I was struggling to get by, I had something new and exciting to look forward to. I loved the show (watched it twice in a row, actually), I loved the cast and I loved everything surrounding the Grishaverse. I even convinced two of my friends to read the books (and I regret nothing) 😂

I was so thrilled I HAD to do something, to create something new inspired by the Grishaverse. At that moment I had been crocheting only for a year but I thought I could try and see if something came out of it. That's how I crocheted Alina, my very first bookish amigurumi. It's not my best work, sure, but till this day I'm so very proud of the result. This was my first attempt at designing an amigurumi, I felt like I was improving my craftsmanship while honouring one of my favourite fantasy sagas. So I kept going, I crocheted the Darkling, made changes to get a better design, started putting more effort into my photos, even replicating the show posters. I kept growing my collection, adding Inej and Kaz and taking fun photos of all of them.

I didn't get far in terms of interactions and likes with them but I didn't care that much, I was just genuinely elated that I was creating something new with my bare hands and that was my priority.

And after them, I stuck to the book amigurumis. Created new patterns and characters, got more involved in photography and photoedition, and strived to do better with each new amigurumi. I got happier too, the thrill to create and share not only my craft but the books I love the most has been the best part of these last three years. And none of that wouldn't have existed without Shadow & Bone, without Leigh Bardugo and her universe, without that amazing cast and all of the writers and staff that have worked tirelessly to bring the Grishaverse to life.

So yeah, I'm heartbroken it has come to this abrupt and unfair end, especially when there was just a season left. In a way it feels like putting an end to a part of my journey as an amigurumi artist, this first part in which I was fumbling to learn and create something new. And as sad as it is, I want to say thank you too. It's not much, but it feels right to use my small amigurumi kingdom and reach to say thank you to everyone involved in the Grishaverse. You've made me unbelievably happy in so many different ways that I have trouble putting it into words.

Thank you as well to everyone who has taken a bit of their time to like, share and leave comments about my Grishaverse amigurumis. You helped me believe in my work and gave me strength to keep crocheting.

I will always remember the first time I showed Alina and the Darkling to my best friends and we talked about how I could crochet the rest, and which ones they wanted to see the most and "omg what if one of the actors noticed your work?????". It will never happen, but imagining the possibility still makes me feel a bit giddy even after two years.

If you've read this far, thank you to you too and sorry for my silly ramblings ♥️ If you love S&B too I'm free to cry together about all of the things we will never see on screen anymore.

P.S.: who would've thought that little me having a crush on Prince Caspian (aka the great Ben Barnes) would have ended in crocheting plushies inspired in book characters??? Not me for sure 😂

#amigurumi #crafts #pitiplush #artists on tumblr #fiber art #yarnblr #shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #alina starkov #the darkling #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jessie mei li #ben barnes #amita suman #freddy carter #bookish #leigh bardugo

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nya-in-the-multiverse · 4 months

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🌟 welcome to my shifting blog 🌟

hi, my name is Nya (she/her), i’m 21 and i’ve been in and out with shifting for past 3 or so years. i minishifted few times. i recently decided to join shiftblr because shiftok is getting on my nerves lol-

if you wanna discuss shifting or have any questions just shoot me a message or ask! we have very loose morals over here so don’t be afraid, i don’t judge or bite-

mostly i’ll be posting just random shifting related nonsense, feel free to tag along on my journey 🌟

my active drs

(scripted and actively trying to shift to)

the originals

mcu

stranger things

fame

grishaverse

other drs

(just concepts in my mind, no script or continuous effort to shift here yet/anymore)

the boys

shameless

h2o

bridgerton

hogwarts (marauders & golden trio)

DRs guide

(where you can learn my setting and how i fit in, in each dr for better understanding of my future posts)

once I start posting stuff related to my drs, i’ll create masterlists to each one where it will be sorted for easy access. that’s all for now, happy shifting! 🌟

#just felt like updating my introduction post since i wanna keep this account a little more organized #reality shifting #shifting realities #shiftblr #shifting community

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nerdy-girlramblings · 5 months

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Ok I need to vent so here it goes.

So, Shadow and Bone season 3 and the Six of Crows spin-off have both been canceled.

I am so sad that this has happened, but I'm not surprised after Netflix also canceled Lockwood and Co. I, like so many others, have been impacted by the Grishaverse. The books and the show have gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life that I have gone through from when I first read them in 2021 to when season 2 come out. I relate so deeply to some of the characters and seeing them on screen is a blessing that I am thankful for.

On one hand, I am so sad that I will never be able to see "I would have come for you", Matthias' journey, the six crows on screen together, the Ice Court heist, Zoyalai, Alina's corruption arc, Wylan's backstory, and so many other things on screen.

But on the other hand, I'm not sure I could have trusted Netflix to accurately portray these characters' stories after some of the plot choices done in season 2. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that season 3 and the spin-off were cancelled so I can still have those character arcs and moments in my mind as Leigh Bardugo wrote them and not tainted by having those moments changed or taken out of context.

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alexzalben · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone Season 2 premieres March 16, 2023 on Netflix

First look images, followed by quotes from Eric Heisserer, Daegan Fryklind, and Leigh Bardugo, as well as a synopsis and more info on Season 2, which I cannot frickin' wait for.

Eric Heisserer and Daegan Fryklind (Co-Showrunners / Executive Producers / Writers) & Leigh Bardugo (Author / Executive Producer) on what fans can expect this season:

HEISSERER: The most wonderful thing about Season Two is that we get to advance the story of these characters that we'd left in precarious positions at the end of Season One. There's a lot of potential for them this season. They have to face the consequences for their actions, and then they get to meet new people along the way. The Grishaverse also expands in this season, both in mythology and in characters. In doing so, we expand the world, we go to new locations, we visit Novyi Zem and Shu Han, and those are all integral to the narrative.

FRYKLIND: We've also really dug into more of the mythology this season in terms of the amplifiers, but also the creator of the amplifiers, Morozova, who he was, what his backstory is, and how he ties into this world. We go out and we go deeper.

BARDUGO: I think the readers now trust our writers the way that I do. This season I was able to step back and put the show more firmly in their hands. I think when we approached Season One, a lot of people were like, "It's impossible. It can't be done. Why would you bring SHADOW AND BONE and SIX OF CROWS together?" And I think now, we have that trust. And I think it's going to be very, very exciting for them to see the way that trust pays off in Season Two. Every part of the Grishaverse is coming into play. We are going to get to see some incredible new characters. We're going to see characters interacting with each other, questing with each other, fighting and laughing with each other, who we never got to see together in the books. And I think that's a unique thing about this show. Readers are not only going to be surprised by the way that these storylines crash into each other, they're never going to know where the next move is coming from—and that actually was a pleasure for me because I got to be surprised by my own stories.

ABOUT THE SERIES

Co-Showrunners / Executive Producers / Writers: Eric Heisserer (Chronology) and Daegan Fryklind

Author and Executive Producer: Leigh Bardugo

Executive Producers: Shawn Levy, Josh Barry, Dan Levine, and Dan Cohen for 21 Laps Entertainment, Pouya Shahbazian (Loom Studios) and Shelley Meals

Directors: Bola Ogun (Episodes 1 & 2), Laura Belsey (Episodes 3 & 4), Karen Gaviola (Episodes 5 & 6) and Mairzee Almas (Episodes 7 & 8)

Season 2 Format: 8 x 1 Hour Episodes

Cast: Jessie Mei Li (Alina Starkov), Archie Renaux (Malyen Oretsev), Freddy Carter (Kaz Brekker), Amita Suman (Inej Ghafa), Kit Young (Jesper Fahey), Danielle Galligan (Nina Zenik), Daisy Head (Genya Safin), Calahan Skogman (Matthias Helvar), Lewis Tan (Tolya Yul-Bataar), Anna Leong Brophy (Tamar Kir-Bataar), Jack Wolfe (Wylan Hendriks), Patrick Gibson (Nikolai Lantsov) and Ben Barnes (General Kirigan)

Synopsis: Alina Starkov is on the run. A beacon of hope to some and a suspected traitor to others, she's determined to bring down the Shadow Fold and save Ravka from ruin. But General Kirigan has returned to finish what he started. Backed by a terrifying new army of seemingly indestructible shadow monsters and fearsome new Grisha recruits, Kirigan is more dangerous than ever. To stand a fighting chance against him, Alina and Mal rally their own powerful new allies and begin a continent-spanning journey to find two mythical creatures that will amplify her powers. Back in Ketterdam, the Crows must forge new alliances as they contend with old rivals and even older grudges that threaten not only their place in the Barrel, but their very lives. When a chance at a deadly heist comes their way, the Crows will once again find themselves on a collision course with the legendary Sun Summoner. Based on Leigh Bardugo's worldwide bestselling Grishaverse novels, SHADOW AND BONE returns for a second season of new friendships, new romance, bigger battles, epic adventures — and a shocking family secret that could shatter everything.

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princguard-a · 2 years

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Lark was no fool when it came to her operations. She knew the risk and reward of smuggling Grisha out of Ketterdam. It was only a matter of time before her actions would be deemed suspicious. Though, she hadn’t accounted for the wild rumors of a panther prowling the streets and snatching Grisha from their indentured servitude.

Moving along the dank cobblestone streets of the harbor, she had the eerie feeling that she was being watched. Though, Lark chose to ignore it as the last of the Grisha boarded her ship for Novyi Zem, she knew they had been spotted.

Why didn’t they make a move? She found herself pondering as the ship broke away from the harbor and meandered through the calm waters away from Ketterdam.

She watched for as long as she could as the ship disappeared over the rim of the horizon. The moment it disappeared from view, Lark pivoted on her heel and threw a small dagger, she watched the projectile cut through the air and into the darkness.

“ You know spying is quite rude. Come on out, whoever you are and state your business.” She spoke in a taciturn tone-- authoritative and full of command. She had no time for spies and would be assassins.

She flexed her fingers as sparks ignited from them, flickering their readiness for battle. Just another night in Ketterdam, she supposed.

@wraithstill S.C.

#wraithstill #. THE PANTHERESS ( grishaverse )#. thread ( journeys into songs )#thanks for liking my starter call!

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 26 days

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Hi!! this is a kinda random question, but I was just thinking about it. So we know that the Druskelle (and presumably most of Fjerda) are bigoted, racist, etc.. Does that stem from their culture and like the wars and stuff or is that part of their religion? I guess hypothetically could Matthias/Maya/your other Fjerdan ocs have corrected their prejudices and still believed in Djel or do the two beliefs contradict? Just wondering what your take is :)

Hi, thanks for the ask!

I absolutely adore religion in the Grishaverse and a while ago I wrote quite a long analysis on Matthias and Inej's relationship with their respective religions, mostly focusing on Djel since I feel I know more about Fjerdan religion than Ravkan having read the soc duology a lot more times than the other books, and I talked quite a bit about some of these things so I'll link that here in case anyone is interested and below I'll put a couple of quotes from that more specifically pertaining to what you've said here. Essentially, I believe that the Drüskelle order is a cult and represents a warped version of Fjerdan religion and that Matthias' journey of self-discovery and of learning to find the version of Djel that he believes in and that aligns with who he wants to be is one of the most beautifully written character arcs I have ever read.

Some quotes from my previous analysis:

"Theoretically, the Drüskelle are raised (forced) to believe the same basic principles of the religion that most of the religious people in the country are [...] However, what’s taken completely further is that the Drüskelle are told that the only way to be truly respected by their god is to take decisive action against Grisha people for their power, because it’s “demonic” and a warping of Djel’s gifts. Now first of all, none of the religious teachings we learn about as the reader even remotely suggest this, which suggest that it’s a baseless prejudice for which religion has been used as an excuse for so long that it’s become culturally ingrained and believed."

"Matthias even shows particular pride that he was personally told the secret of the second glass bridge by Jarl Brum himself"

"And this is the thing, ok, because by claiming that Djel will show the boys the path and then telling them himself (!!!!!!!!) Brum is claiming far more power than a servant of Djel and or Fjerda. No, now he turns himself into a messenger of Djel, a prophet if you will, just to reaaaalllly double down on that religious trauma he’s giving these kids. He is putting himself into the Messiah-like position; he’s saying that Djel sent him to them to tell them that they must kidnap and kill people to earn his love."

"in his own practice Matthias would appear to see Djel as a benevolent god"

"presented himself as a Messiah-like figure and effectively forced these young boys to believe that betraying him is akin to betraying Djel"

Okay I'm restraining myself from adding more to that list because I'm just sitting here reading through the original analysis going "ooo add that" "and that" "that too" and I'll just end up copy and pasting the whole thing if I carry on like this, so if you'd like to read more I should've linked it at the top :)

I'm gonna talk a bit about Djel and relationship with religion in terms of my Fjerdan OCs here, if anyone is interested but hasn't read the fic you don't have to have done to follow the religion info but it's worth knowing that it's set almost entirely in Ketterdam and takes place nearly 10 years after Crooked Kingdom :)

For my Fjerdan OCs religion is very much on my mind whenever I'm writing them, and I find it a very interesting thing to consider. So, I have three Fjerdan OCs in Daughter of the Rain and Snow: Maya, a Tidemaker and our titular character, Celina, a deceased (pre-events of the fic) otkazat'sya whose body was burned and who therefore cannot reach Djel, and Fiona, a Heartrender who lost her relationship with religion a long time ago and has no interest in taking it up again. I'm going to start with Fiona because I haven't really explored her relationship with Djel very much since she has had less scenes than the others thus far, but I tend to have quite fleshed out backstories for my side characters even if they don't make it into the story lol

Fiona is 22 during the events of the fic and has been working with Inej and the crew of the Wraith for almost four years. She made her way to Ketterdam at 17 after her family discovered she was Grisha and threw her out. In a desperate attempt to flee Fjerda - and notably not knowing any Kerch language - she signed an indenture contract with a Kerch merchant who offered her safe passage to the country. She did not know what she was signing, and her contract was written in Kerch, but she just wanted to get out of Fjerda as quickly as possible and this seemed like her only option. She was freed and ended up working with Inej when she was 18. Fiona had battled with her relationship with Djel for a long time after discovering she was Grisha and keeping it secret, but when her parents learnt the truth and started abusing her and eventually turned her out with nowhere to go and no protection to be found she adopted atheism completely, akin to the way Kaz and Wylan found their atheism. -

“Saints speed,” she said to Inej, who echoed the words she knew were said for her benefit alone.

Fiona had given up on Djel, the god she was raised with, and had no interest in taking up another. (Chapter 8) (I feel so weird quoting my own writing)

Religion is very much at the forefront of everything I write considering Maya and Celina, particularly since Celina only appears as a character in Maya's POV chapters (she exists more as a concept to Kaz, Inej, and Aimee, who connect her to things she represents to each of them but whom they never knew as a real person). Maya battling her relationship with Djel is very much in the forefront of the story and one of my favourite chapters is when she goes back to the tree she cut down in anger and prays for it; the chapter is essentially a long monologue of Maya talking to Djel and voicing every side of her argument out loud. I won't list everything here but I'll add this quote from the chapter:

“I’ve tried it every way,” she whispered, failing to fight the sobs that were growing in her throat, “I ignored it, I tried not to use it, I used it for others, I used it for myself, I used it for You. And I have somehow failed You every time. Maybe I deserve to burn now, but they say you are born Grisha. Did You really look at me and always know I would deserve to burn? From the very moment I was born? Perhaps this is all I am in Your grand tapestry of destiny; a game for You to play, a doll that You can take apart and stitch together at wrong angles. I am a broken toy that can be discarded and burnt whilst the world moves on as though I were never here. I made the wrong choices, but I thought they were the only ones left. You could have let me stay at home. You could have let her live - let both of them live. And I never would have done anything like this. I’m so sorry…” her voice broke and she felt the tears flooding over her cheeks as she collapsed over the ruined tree trunk and cried into its empty flesh, “I’m so sorry,” (Chapter 66 on tumblr, chapter 67 on AO3)

And the chapter ultimately ends with Maya asking Djel to teach her how to deserve forgiveness from Inej and the other characters for everything she'd done, or to at least teach her how to forgive Him.

I think one of the most important aspects of religion in terms of this and in terms of Maya and Celina's relationship with each other is that even though Celina knows Maya is a Tidemaker neither of them ever talk about it and Maya reached a point where she was actively afraid to bring it up because she didn't know how Celina felt about Grisha and she didn't want to jeopardise not only what is the only relationship she has with anyone right now but arguably what is the first relationship she's ever had that wouldn't be considered abusive (her relationship with her father is kinda up in the air, I know, but considering that he sold her I don't think it's a spoiler to say I hate that man's guts even though y'all have a little bit more to learn about him yet) since realistically Celina was the only person she had a real conversation with for three years and the only other people she spoke to in that time would be clients, Yennefer, and occasionally other girls at the Tulip Mill. Maya even saw Yennefer's death more as vengeance for Celina than she did for herself, saying that Yen's death was for Celina and Kaz's death would be for her before she finds out that Kaz was partially responsible for Celina's death in the worldview that she holds - and as Kaz considers himself no less responsible for her death than Rollins was for Jordie's. I don't know if I'm explaining it quite right but the fear that Maya developed surrounding other people's perspective on Grisha power preventing her from being able to share her feelings with Celina I found a really heart-wrenching detail to write and I was definitely hoping to present the idea that even if religiously the ideas don't contradict - considering that we see Celina adapt her belief in Djel to say that anything that she does at the Tulip Mill will be forgiven because she has no choice over it - culturally speaking it's still such a complex and difficult thing to move past that Maya isn't even sure she can ever express it to the only person she trusts, and I also hoped to touch on this idea with the flashbacks to the Ravkan boy at the Grisha workshop with Maya who didn't trust her because she was Fjerdan even though she was Grisha and had literally fled Drüskelle and her home country

Anyway I hope this made sense, it's starting to feel very rambly and random, and I hope that it was interesting to read. Thanks so much for teh ask and for your interest in the fic! <33

#maya olsen oc #six of crows #grishaverse #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #six of crows fic #six of crows duology #kanej fic #asks #grishaverse religion #djel #fjerda #druskelle #my ocs #matthias helvar #fantasy religion

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