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#my heart

BaHaRı ¥aZ uğruna tükettik

♡ aŞkı ♡ NaZ uğruna ve      


🌼 SeVMiYoR 🌼 uğruna derken

öMRü ♡ tükettik bir hiç uğruna

(Sezai Karakoç)…🌿..🌼

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Remus couldn’t put down the book he was reading, completely engrossed in the story when something roughly slammed into his thigh. Well, someone… Sirius had landed on the couch with his head on Remus’ lap, after bolting through the common room at the speed of the Hogwart’s express. Remus managed to completely ignore him, focusing intently on not looking up from the page he was reading. Sirius didn’t appreciate this, nudging into Remus’ hip insistently. It wasn’t until he solidly, but gently, bit into Remus’ hipbone that Remus started to pay attention.

“Ow! What the hell, Sirius,” he grumbled.

Sirius immediately withdrew, his eyes widening. Remus hadn’t called him Padfoot. “I’m sorry, Rem, did that actually hurt?” It hadn’t, Sirius had adopted many doggy senses in his time as Padfoot, and while Remus would never, ever admit it, he loved when Sirius bit him lightly. It was an unconscious effort to mark his territory and express his love. It established trust.

Mostly it was just hot.

But, he had interrupted, so Remus just humphed impatiently and turned back to his book.

More lightly this time, but still territorially, Sirius began to bite from Remus’ hipbone, up his side, tapping intermittently with his nose. Without thinking about it, Remus found his hand in Sirius’ mane. He was met with a growl of approval. “Stop acting like a dog,” Remus insisted, not sparing Sirius a glance.

“C’mon Moons, we’re the only ones in hereeeee” Sirius whined. Remus glanced up to affirm this, but he wasn’t ready to let Sirius win, even if it meant ignoring the awful, delightful swooping sensation in his stomach. So, he continued reading. Then, without warning, Sirius transformed into Padfoot right there on the couch.

“Sirius!” Remus hissed, dropping his book this time. “We are in the COMMON ROOM! TRANSFORM BACK IMMEDIATELY… anyone could see you!” He lowered his voice to a whisper, terrified to attract attention. (As though the empty common room would be anymore shocked to hear him yell than to see a giant black dog sniffing the prefect.)

Padfoot nudged under Remus’ recently freed hands, begging for physical affection. Remus miraculously resisted, instead grabbing hold of the hair atop Padfoot’s head rather tightly. 

“No. You’ve been a bad dog,” he said shortly. Unfortunately, his words had the opposite of the desired affect, and Padfoot jerked to attention, his ears perking with interest. Remus rolled his eyes. This was hopeless. “Alright, alright, you win. Come back and we can snog” he grumbled, attempting annoyance, but barely biting back a grin.

Padfoot let out a happy bark, and seconds later a very smug Sirius sat next to Remus on the couch. Without any words he cupped both sides of Remus’ jaw with his large, solid hands and leaned in to kiss him. Remus couldn’t resist threading his fingers through Sirius hair, which was remarkably similar to Padfoot’s black mangy fur.

When Sirius finally pulled away he pressed his forehead to Remus’, breathing him in with lowered lashes.

Remus felt his breath catch and started to speak before he could stop himself. “Sirius, I have to tell you. I think I l-“

“No!” Sirius cut him off harshly, but didn’t break their intimate position.

“But I… it’s been” Remus started to try to explain, but Sirius interrupted him again.

“No, Moon, it’s not that. I just…” this time he did pull away, establishing eye contact. But he quickly blushed and looked down. “It’s just that I have a plan… an image in my head. I know that doesn’t sound like me, but I… it’s not that I want to wait, because I know… and I mean, me too,” he grinned then, glancing up at Remus cheekily, “but I… I want it to be perfect. Okay?” He breathed it all out like a weight off his shoulders.

“Actually Pads, I know you very, very well and that sounds exactly like you. No matter how spontaneous you pretend to be.”

And just like that, they were snogging again in the common room.  


A week later, Remus had almost confessed his feelings to his boyfriend 37 times. Once while watching him stuff as many pancakes into his mouth as possible and then cry from the effort of not laughing at James’ jokes, once when he fell asleep with his head in Remus’ lap when they were supposed to be doing homework, once when Sirius found his hand under the table at dinner and just squeezed it as tight as possible without missing a beat in his conversation with James, and most intensely when one night, long after the lights had been turned out, Sirius had shaken him awake just to cradle his head and kiss him until he couldn’t breath, before returning to his bunk to avoid outing them. It hadn’t even been overtly sexual, just an expression of Sirius’ passion that had left Remus with a swirling head and admittedly a bit of a hard on.

But now, Remus stood in front of the castle under the invisibility cloak, per Sirius’ instructions. It was freezing cold and his sweater felt a little too threadbare to make up for it. It was dark enough that no one would be able to see the footsteps appearing beneath him in the snow and he was sure Sirius was disguised as Padfoot. He hated that Sirius put his life on the line wandering around as a giant black dog where anyone could see, and he was currently building up a rather convincing argument as to why it was time for him to interfere when he felt a large black nose sniffing around his feet.

“Hey, hey I’m here” he whispered, failing to keep the affection out of his voice and daring to slip a hand out of the cloak to scratch Padfood on the head.

Padfoot whined his approval and then turned abruptly to trot down the sloping, white hill.

“Hey!” Remus hissed, “I’m not running to keep up with you.” Padfoot barked at him, nothing if not indignant and continued at his quick pace.

Once he was certain Padfoot wasn’t watching, Remus hurried along behind him, faster than he would for anyone else.

As they approached the greenhouses, Padfoot took off at a run, disappearing behind Greenhouse 5, leaving Remus to only wonder what he was up to, but by the time he turned the corner, Sirius was standing in front of the door, hair disheveled, wrapped in his favorite leather jacket, wringing his hands in front of him. When Remus pulled the cloak off, he didn’t have time to say anything before Sirius pulled him in by the elbow and kissed him square on the mouth. He radiated warmth from running around and smelled absolutely delectable. A dark musk mixed with a sharp cinnamon and the faintest sweet floral scent that made Remus want to growl.

“Ready?” Sirius whispered.

“For what?”

Sirius only grinned and turned behind him to open the greenhouse door. It was pitch black until Sirius just waved his wand casually and everything changed.

Remus knew that he attended a literal school of witchcraft and wizardry, and was a literal mythical creature, but he had never felt magic touch his heart in quite the same way as in this moment.

Little fairies bobbed around the whole place and hid in the lush greenery all around. Tiny silver bells glittered in the plants and chimed melodically in perfect but toneless harmonies. Mistletoe hung in various places around the room, tied up with thick red ribbon that Sirius seemed to be particularly proud of. Magic snow, much like what often donned the Great Hall fell from the ceiling, but disappeared before it ever hit them or the ground. The scent of pine and Christmas and cookies permeated the air. A magical fire roared in a floating dome above a mess of blankets and pillows in one corner of the greenhouse where a tray of steaming hot chocolate and biscuits lay on fancy-looking china. But, the most magical of all, Sirius stood beaming next to Remus, shifting back and forth on the balls of his feet, barely containing his excitement as he took in Remus’ reaction.

Remus turned to him with his throat starting to close, barely being able to breathe and a moment of uncertainty flickered on Sirius’ face. “Is this okay? Is it not enough? I can… I can try again!! I can try harder. I have other ideas too I was-”

“Hey. Sirius no… this… this is perfect. I don’t even know what to say… how did you-”

“That’s not important. And I’m glad you think that because this was my best idea of all and I don’t know if I could’ve actually done any better. I just wanted it to be perfect for you because-”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from stopping Sirius with a frantic, desperate kiss that expressed everything, but nothing close to enough, all at the same time.

Sirius pulled away and this time he was truly breathless. “Rem, I really can’t wait anymore. I have to tell you. I love you. I’m in love with you. It feels like I’ve been in love with you since the moment I first saw you, and from the moment my soul came into existence, and the moment the world was created, and from this moment for the first time all at once. When I see the stars I think of you. I think of how bright you shine and how proud you make me. When I see tea I think of you. When I see any book I think of you. When I look in the fucking mirror I think of you and of how everything I’m seeing is all yours. Every part of me is yours. The tips of my fingers itch for you whenever we aren’t touching. And everything else down to the tips of my toes was created to be one half of a whole and only you can complete me. I couldn’t begin to face whatever’s next if you weren’t in it. You are every memory that matters and every future I could begin to imagine. You are everything, Moony. You are everything… I never ever want to be apart from you. I want you in every Christmas cookie and tree-decorating and every exciting end of a novel and every summer swim in a lake and everything. I don’t want to live another day without you. It scares the absolute shit out of me that we only have a year and half left here and I know I can’t expect everything to stay the same with James and Pete- they have their own lives to live, but Moons, I want things to stay the same with you. I know I shouldn’t be saying this. We haven’t been together long and we are really so young, but I know that I will never in a million years be able to feel this much for any other soul. My whole heart is in your hands and it’s your choice what you do with it. I’m sorry if it’s too soon for you, but every time I look at you I’m bursting to tell you. I love you, Remus Lupin and there’s no going back for me.”

“Sirius. Fuck. I love you, too. Of course I do. I’ve loved you my whole life and after last year I fell in so deep and there’s no going back for me either. I didn’t have this all scripted out like I know you did-” he didn’t allow Sirius to interject when he made a wounded sound, but continued on, “I know you wrote this out a million times in order to woo me and I don’t give a fuck it doesn’t make it mean any less, so don’t protest. I love that about you, you know that Sirius, and I want a future with you a hundred times over. Really, truly, I do. I want you in every possible way. And what you said about your heart, you have mine too. You’ve had it for an embarrassingly long time and there’s no taking it back now. It’s yours, Pads”

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