#my heart hurts all over again

[duahauuoplanh]

That’s it, Guwon is Yisan’s reincarnation and noone can tell me otherwise

#this is wild but I hope Deokim can come as she is in her next life so he will pass by her just like what she wished #how is it Yisan? how does it feel to be at your palace? does it still hurt? has it ever stopped hurting? loneliness is still all over you? #won has sarang now then who do you have? where is your person? #I really think I wouldn’t dare going anywhere near that drama again #I just got hurt and difficult breathing even just looking at Yisan #even typing these aches my heart #this is just how devastating TRS was #this is how much that drama has hurt me #but that King the Land crossover was seriously surprising #so here I am #I really think it's Junho's idea again #it's Guwon but it's still Yisan but it's Guwon #but srl the mountain is even in the same shape? #Lee junho #Junho #It’s Junho’s season now #2pm #King the Land #the red sleeve #I put my heart into every gifset I’ve made #always next to Junho

[elitadream]

I thought of a really, really angsty scenario and I absolutely have to share it with you

It’s a seemingly normal evening in the mushroom kingdom when suddenly the castle is under attack. Enemies barge in left and right, going after the guards and council, even poor civilians that happened to be nearby when it happens. Peach is petrified by fear, she doesn’t even have the chance to process what’s going on. Just when it seems things can’t get any worse, one of the wretched intruders finds her standing paralyzed and ceases his opportunity. Peach looks up to see a spear coming down in her direction. She panics, she tries to run but she just can’t. All she can do is shield her face, bracing for impact.

But instead she feels nothing, and is startled by the sound of someone shouting in pain. Peach opens her eyes to find Mario laying in front of her, spear pierced right in his stomach. She cries in terror and manages to snap out of her frozen state to carry him to safety. (Don’t hate me, he lives! But I have no doubt if Peach were in a life or death situation Mario would absolutely take the hit for her without a second thought. And then later she begs him to never do it again which he just can’t promise bc he loves her too much to let anything happen to her)

Why must you make me suffer??! 😫💔 (says I, indignantly, while adding dramatic concept number 1,738,294 to the ominous pile of sketches filling my work desk-💃✨️)

All joking aside though, I have a huge weakness for scenarios where a character willingly takes the hit for someone else. And I mean huge. 🥺 Hands down one of my absolute favorite twists in storytelling, and one of the most eloquent demonstrations of love and bravery there is imo. 🌅 ALSO ALSO having the addition of an unholdable promess (yet another one of my favorite tropes! 😭) only makes the scene all the more heartfelt and ties everything together brilliantly. 🙏

Thank you for simultaneously hurting and restoring my feels. ❤️‍🩹🥲

#well tear my heart out and stomp on it why don't you! #but omg Mario absolutely WOULD indeed #we both know it - everyone knows it 😣 #he would do it again and again #the man has 'self-sacrifing' plastered all over him ;_; #and there's NOTHING he wouldn't do for those he loves #aurjhdhd my heart 🙇‍♀️💓 #asks #mario #princess peach #mareach #concept #angst/drama #hurt-comfort #headcanon #story idea

[jittyjames]

ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.

#i don’t want to feel this way #but i don’t know how to stop it #i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it #it wont leave me alone #i want it to leave me alone #i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think #but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else #i feel so empty and weird and vague #december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction #i’m always on the verge of crying and #i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work #and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting #you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down #ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing #how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head #part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics #idk #just haven’t felt this bad in a while #i just want to get out of my head so bad #i wish i could turn thinking off #sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own #but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that #i don’t mean to vent #i just feel really hopeless and shit rn #anyway #i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning #it wont be tho lol #nothing is ever better #bc the universe and god hate me

[candied-cae]

I am super fucking pissed about Wee John in this last episode.

Why. The. Fuck. Was. He. Not. Included. AT. ALL. During. The. Escape??????????

Legitimately, where the fuck was he? I was fuming for a lot of that because he's my favorite character, so I was looking for him. While everyone was stripping the English of their uniforms and getting dressed up (at least partially) in disguise, he is the only character not included.

They make a point about Fang not getting a proper shirt, which already pissed me off enough, that he had to wear what was essentially prison stripes while everyone else was in uniform, but Wee John wasn't even there. He wasn't in the raid. He wasn't in the run down the beach.

He just wasn't even fucking there. And if it was something Kristian decided he didn't want to worry about hurting himself over, particularly looking out for his back and knees, I understand not asking him to run over and over again for reshoots. But the fact that he didn't even get dressed with them... and that's the second time he's been excluded from a plan apparently due to his size (remember that he didn't get to participate when The Revenge dressed up as rich boys for Nigel Badminton)...

It is legitimately breaking my heart. One of the things I love about this show is the love is gives to its fat characters and actors. Fang gets to have his tummy out 24/7 and he's treated like a snack by Lucius, Wee John got to have an incredible dress, Oluwande is the crew's most eligible bachelor, and we even got a delightful fat character in 2x07 who spent his whole time dressed in only some leather halters and pants...

But the fact that Wee John was singled out and left behind, and the fact that Fang was singled out and othered at that very same time... It fucking hurts. As a fat person who has loved getting to see so much love for fat bodies... it stung to see that the comedy couldn't even suspend its reality long enough to say "there are a few fat people in the Royal English Navy, so Wee John and Fang get to be dressed up too."

#Cae Has Lots of Feelings About Our Flag Means Death #Have I already cried about this? Yes. I have. #It seriously hurts so much to see the character I most saw myself in separated from the entire rest of the cast over his size again #It breaks my heart so much. #I was literally asking my tv 'But where's Wee John?' all the way from the montage of them suiting up - all the way through Izzy's death. #Because he just didn't exist onscreen again until the LuPete marriage. I almost thought they were writing him out of the show there. #I hope to GOD that Kristian was the one to decide he didn't want to deal with the labor of that scene #Because I cannot imagine how he could've felt if he had to sit there alone and listen to people tell him 'Wee John just isn't in this part. #'Just for logical reasons though. Just cuz there's no way there'd be a uniform jacket big enough for him.' #Because I would've been gutted. #Wee John is big. Kristian Nairn is big. But he is not some unreasonable size. #And it feels cruel that he keeps getting treated like it. #Sending all my love to Kristian right now. I hope he doesn't need any of it. But he has it all the same. #Our Flag Means Death #OFMD #Our Flag Means Death Season 2 Spoilers #Our Flag Means Death Spoilers #OFMD Spoilers #OFMDS2 #OFMD s2 spoilers #Wee John #Wee John Feeney #OFMD Fang #OFMD Meta #OFMD Critical

[oatbugs]

today was ok good great bad 😭 rant in tags lets try to be normal abt this

#it's not tuscan leather， but they do smell like mint and cherries and a fireplace. they kissed me #all over my back， and my hand， and my shoulders. i only ever kissed them on the lips. i only ever kiss them #when i'm about to leave them at the station gates. some red-eyed bloodhound cancelled their own plans and i laughed with them like a friend #i asked if they want me to bring them a hot water bottle or painkillers or a pair of lungs for them to eat. #the person in front of me has 4 lungs and 2 hearts and a brown leather coat and those bright radiance-incarnate kind of eyes. #you know the kind i mean. their hands are diligent with the pen. they say that i'm an angel and i'm right and i decide #the truths-in-all-possible-worlds. they say they only perceive the parts of me that i'd like perceived. they say all the right things. #the dog doesn't mind at all. the next station is edgeware road again. the dog says don't come over baby. its all slurred and deep and #shallow. returns a falsum. i really like you， baby. let's just be nothing， baby. i can't comprehend that anyone was raised unhappy. #she has free gaza painted on the back of her designer jacket， and she says she can't believe people suffer. there's something wrong with me #baby， why else would i turn down two perfect girls? she broke my nose， baby. ye zendegie dige ashaghet misham azize delam. #she might be a rich bitch but i only lived in kensington， baby. sunshine says they can't have kids because they plan to be #an enemy of many states. i offered to meet them but i look up and i notice the blonde streaks in their hair moving in the light. #i tell sunshine i'll never sleep with them. they want me in such a kind way it almost hurts. #they say we have a lot to teach other. i put the dog down again. my friend is wrapped around me. my friend walks me to the station. #i kiss them goodbye at the gates.

[hetamata]

dead girls!!!

#trigun #pot.png #id in alt #wolfwood #rem savarem #tessla #i have 2 get up again in 4 hrs. but i wanted to finish this first heart emoji #i like to think that tessla haunts the shit out of rem in the afterlife and ww's there not understanding the dynamic between them at all #i like 2 think tessla hates rem partially bc rem is less threatening than the ppl who actually did hurt her but like. #after 150 years tessla is more messing around w rem than actually trying to scare her #300k fic in my head where tessla and rem watch knives take over the world while giving commentary and eating popcorn #holds nightows hands gently please let me see more of rem. shes such a fascinating character #when she's seen in flashbacks and not vash's idealized concept of her #meanwhile i am inventing tessla characterization from the ground up

[ghostbustermelanieking]

for anyone who follows me and writes, fanfiction or original stuff... is it normal for pretty much no one in your personal in-person life to be interested in your writing? like i've got people who might read the odd short story i wrote, but usually if i ask someone to read something they just never do, and i never have anyone asking me about it, so like... is that normal?? does the average person not care if their friend or family member is working on a novel?

#i had a friend in sixth grade who was VERY enthusiastic about my writing #and i guess i never realized how special that was or how id never have that again #even with other writing people like.... #and i KNOW people are busy and have their own busy lives but...... #i tried to explain this to my parents (stupid) over christmas like... making it clear that i kind of got it but it still hurt mw #THINKING THEYD UNDERSTAND bc they are ARTISTS #but instead i got oh people are busy and your stuff is too scary for me personally #like ok yes I GET IT #but it's fucking discouraging when i pour my heart and soul and all my talent into work and NOBODY in my life cares enough to read it #or wonder about it #even with like... if i have a friend who's into something i wrote fic for i'll try to share the fic #but they wont read it #it's just a bummer #is this the universal writers curse? #writing

[caffeinatedopossum]

I am once again missing people so much that my heart aches

#its been like 2-3 years since ive seen them and i still cant get over seeing pictures of them with their friends and im just #not there... #even pictures from the times we lived together. i just wasnt there #i wasnt there for them at all. i was living life like a ghost #i barely left my room #i could never go with them to concerts or restaurants or anything because they knew id get overwhelmed because of my autism and chronic pain #so i just... never got invited anywhere. that still happens now #makes my life feels so painfully empty sometimes #theres so much i want to do. so much i wanted to do #none of the people i miss are dead so why does it still hurt so much? i could talk to them again if i wanted #... but i really can't. i really can't #it wont be the same. we'll still never reconnect. it hurts so much my heart physically aches #i wonder if they ever think about me

[peteypiessuperfamily]

"You were never meant to be alone, Steve."

#i will never recover from that quote #ever #it breaks my heart over and over again #IF I REMEMBERED WHAT FIC IT CAME FROM ID TAG IT #tony what do you mean tony #why must you point out that there were more vials of the serum #why must you point out that steve was never meant to be the only one #why tony #why must you point out that any comfort steve mightve gotten from other super soldiers was ripped away from him #huh?? #because atp i feel like you did it to hurt my feelings #and the never ending guilt that tony will never be enough for him because he cant give steve back everything he lost?? #he cant comfort him not knowing all that hes been through?? #the fear that no matter how hard tony tries he could never compare to what steve had to leave behind?? #this is why i read fluff guys #i cant handle angst #it permanently changes me #stony #stevetony #tony stark #steve rogers #iron man #captain america #superhusbands #ao3 #fanfic #i deserve financial compensation

[kissporsche]

I may physically be at work but spiritually I am playing every vegaspete scene on repeat in my head

#kp orig #kinnporsche #vegaspete #unless you want to share- ​looking for something?- so we’ll see each other in the next life- oh you got a tattoo?- I give up vegas- #when you suffer you’re so much more interesting- who’s a good boy- I’m not choosing I’m just not eating- hurt you so you remember- #you’re no fun- get up and laugh at me- you think it’s poison- why do you have to compete- they don’t beat us because we suck- nosy- #went out to buy it I guess- you’re in need of love- #everything I love leaves- if you’re sad it means it was important- but you like it- let it out- #do you know how sexy you are- you’re a fool- I’m a human I have feelings- let’s start all over again just you and me- #shoot me I don’t think you can and you know why- #could it be you who kills me what the hell does that mean I love you Pete #I can’t keep betraying my feelings like this- why did you follow me Pete- because I’m hungry #I’m your pet aren’t I- won’t you turn around to see me- #I don’t want to be your burden I just want to follow my heart

[yourqueenb]

You have no idea how happy I am to see that other people like you don't like blades 2 as well. Like yes it was decent, but on the same level as book 1 in the LEAST.

And I agree, book 3 seems like an excuse to get fans off of their back about the writing. The finale felt extremely disappointing, compared to the thrill you could feel in book 1 end

Yeah, I’m still gonna play book 3 and (foolishly) hope that it’ll be better. But those hopes aren’t too high because book 2 was not a good set up for book 3 at all in my opinion. There’s so much going on. I don’t like that Valax is a part of our friend group now. However, the group dynamics were off long before that if I’m being real. Mal’s route was ruined for me.

When I was going through and deleting my screenshots the other day, I reread the “You slept through it scene” and just felt a renewed sense of hurt and anger at him and really all of our friends. Mal caught a lot of heat from me specifically because he’s my LI and the one who said such an awful thing. But honestly, the rest of the group essentially agreed with him by expanding on what he said (Imtura and Nia) or not saying anything at all (Tyril) and only getting on one accord to exclude MC.

And then on top of all of that, there are quite a few holes that really should be patched up. The plot was a mess for the majority of the story. Tbh it was almost giving Endless Summer because they were locking important information behind diamond scenes and in the lore tablets.

So all this to say that at this point in time, I no longer have faith that PB can handle complex storytelling. Their parent company and higher ups (unsurprisingly) only care about money. And the writers themselves are too lazy and too biased. Does that mean they can no longer write enjoyable stories? No, of course not. But I do think they need to rein it in and be a bit more realistic about what they can handle right now because there’s nothing wrong with a simpler book/plot that’s aware of what it’s trying to accomplish. And it’s clear that they were far too ambitious with Blades 2

#choices bolas #choices blades #blades of light and shadow #choices stories you play #playchoices #if book 3 is as disappointing as or worse than book 2 I’m just gonna ignore them and only consider book 1 canon #and then just make up my own headcanon for what happened after lol #I think i and quite a few other people have been operating off of the notion that PB could tell great complex stories #but they weren’t because cheap smut is what sells #but now I can’t even believe that anymore #they just don’t have the range #and maybe I should’ve come to this conclusion sooner but 🤷🏽‍♀️ #and back to the Mal thing for a second I’m being so serious when I say rereading that scene broke my heart all over again #when I first read it my initial reaction was anger so I couldn’t even really focus on anything immediately after that #but upon rereading my heart just sunk for MC #bc if the writers did one thing well it was making the rift between MC and the rest of the group palpable #and it was also very obvious that she was hurt by that and ended up internalizing Mal’s statement/the group’s sentiments on that year #‘Just a little blood No scars Nothing I was asleep for all of it My body works fine’ #so I’ll just close out by saying enjoying the book was a challenge for me #and it shouldn’t have been because I *wanted* to enjoy it #book 1 was so good and it getting greenlit for a book 2 was such an unexpected surprise #plus we waited so long for it but it just did not meet expectations #choices #choices app #choices ask

[sbc-moved]

Enough about me wanting him. I want you to know that he wants ME too. He wants me soooo bad.

#he is head over heels and I take zero criticism stario is canon #argue with the wall #when he is out on his adventures he thinks man I wish my wife was here I miss her so much #if he had a Tumblr he would post pictures of me and say ‘she makes me sick to my stomach’ #no he wouldn’t say that but you know what I mean #he’s the kind of guy to throw his jacket over a puddle so you don’t have to get your feet wet #everyday he tells me he loves me he shouts it from the rooftops I’m all he thinks about !!!! #he keeps à picturing of me in his wallet and his heart hurts every second I am away #sorry I’m normal again #self shipping #f/o gush #mario #⭐️🍄you’re my superstar #♡.love letters

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:

Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?

Me. It was me.

I made the ultimate sacrifice.

The achievement wasn't worth it.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dao #alistair theirin #dao alistair #warden tabris #i'm genuinely so heart broken #i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before #and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt #like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this! #and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar #and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her #the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey #they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news... #and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much... #plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him #and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death #that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made #a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF #oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now #there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...

[thegayfromrulid]

I apologize for how little I've been on tumblr in the latter half of 2023. I know there's a lot of people on here who used to look up to me as a fan and some who still do. I'm sorry for being disappointing.

This year started out really good. I thought most of my absence would be because I'm doing really well in school, and I'm so so close to the final step to becoming a doctor in my field. In fact, my goal for 2024 is to start my dissertation, and that's a huge step and grand accomplishment that has taken hours of dedication, and I appreciate my readers' patience as I write during this time.

I passed (unofficially, just have to do some cleanup) my final doctoral qualifier. I finished up two fanfictions after trying so hard to get back into my pace after my accidents in 2021. I got engaged to the love of my life, and I reached spiritual and emotional peace over a 14-year-long trauma that I've been fighting. These were such good things that happened this year, and I'm ready to receive what goodness lies in 2024.

October sent me into a spiral I am just struggling to recover from. Not only is my family in a war zone, but that war zone is one of the most controversial ones in the world right now. And I have spent hours, days, weeks wailing over this genocide. I cannot help the people I love in either Palestine or Israel, who are caught in these crosshairs. And I drag myself to my university, where people scream and tell me that all Jewish people should leave or be accountable for these crimes. It was everything in me to make it to break. I rarely want to go home to my parents for extended time, but I practically fled my campus, and I broke down in tears in my mother's arms. I weep both for the injustice and for the guilt my own community forces on me, as if I am responsible for the sins of Israel.

I cannot promise a lot of activity from me in 2024. As long as Israel behaves this way, I will most likely remain distant from tumblr. Please don't take it personally. The flood of activism isn't wrong; I am just very weak from those voices which are loudly being antisemitic instead of critical of specifically Israel's government. Those voices are so loud I could some days barely get out of bed.

In 2024, I do ask people to be kind. Being kind will not fix everything. But it is one of the greatest things an individual can do during hard times. Kindness is treasured so much right now, especially as I am at such a low from the antisemitism around me. Give a compliment. Do a nice thing for someone. Sit in silence with someone who is too hurt to speak. And, most crucially, love those who struggle to love themselves.

Happy New Year, Shana Tovah

— AJ

#aj update #happy new year #cw israel #cw palestine #sorry for those cw again im just so emotionally devastated #i promised myself i would focus elsewhere but its so close to my damn heart #i have agonized over this most of my life as someone whose family are israelis #and i watched my best friend move back to palestine and die so #this is years worth of trauma and emotional hurt #im walking into my new year afraid of my community #because they assume i support my family's government #and i need all of the support from my friends that i can get

[faewaren]

Almost no one who follows me is gonna know what this is about so ignore me but. Just. God I hope Marcel is okay. Still hurts.

#still hurts!! still miss them. been like two years. #miss Luke miss Sam miss Luna miss Wit miss Trick etc etc etc #sucks real bad still that after seven years of knowing each other and all the times I went out of my way to care for them #that it was such a swift thing no trying to solve it no working to go forward nothing #just ‘we’ve been communicating badly for the first time in the seven years we’ve known each other and are all in active crisis’ #‘now you’ve stood by someone else’s right to a boundary I don’t think is reasonable and I’m gonna send you a letter that seems #specially designed to tear your heart out using all the things I’ve known about you and I’m never gonna talk to you again’ #‘bye forever’ #but also it’s been two years rafi get over it I guess #I wasn’t the only person they stopped talking to suddenly around then #I dunno if they ever figured out what had changed. I don’t think it’s that all their friends and loved ones secretly sucked. #I hope they’re all okay. #hope they’re doing better. #hope they’re safe.

[crescentfool]

ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺

#lizzy speaks #THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH.. #so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke #my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought- #a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me.. #so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why- #i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else #like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them #also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally #analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful! #related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two #yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika... #IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!! #mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity #i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL #so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things' #there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!