#my journal entries are literally unreadably cruel to myself lol......... haha 🤙 its fine

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#i have been doing incredibly bad mentally :-) and idk what to do #my journal entries are literally unreadably cruel to myself lol......... haha 🤙 its fine #im somehow even lonelier and more convinced of my unlikeability than ive ever been which is fucking saying something #keep getting litmag rejections and absolutely no indication or encouragement that i actually have any worth at all #further discouraging me from actually writing or editing anything or even reading because it just makes me depressed #downloaded a dating app and had a panic attack #had a huge fight with my dad and was clearly just in the wrong and mean but our relationship has always been fucked so i cant bring myself #to even start thinking about that when even talking to him about mundane things makes me want to crawl in a hole and die #personal #just not good dawg. so isolated so numb what else is new. #im also doomscrolling really bad bc of the shooting and feeling just incredibly bleak and awful on top of it all. #maybe i should ‘give myself a break’ but i feel like ive been doing that for 6 years #at least i dont have that thing where i cant look in mirrors without crying anymore.