#my laptop is being so homophobic lately

[brandogenius]

Mmmmm what about, headcannons on your interpretations on the different ways that the boys would ask you out/ you would ask the boys out?

Other thoughts:

I think that regardless of what she did, julien would say “ Can I be your girlfriend?” ( Idk why it gets me all melted and shit, probably cuz we’re used to “ will you be my girlfriend”)

Imagining Pheobe who’s the friend that would spam your comment section after you post something ( barking like a dog frfr)

And one time she replied to another commenter who went “one chance🙏🏽” and she replied “she’s mine, can you fight?” or something and y’all were in the same room. You looked up from your phone and went “ I’m yours huh?”

Pheobe: ” yep”

You: “Okay then”

Then you replied to her comment “ hers❤️ I would still recommend you know how to fight though.”

LUCY I imagine she sat you down at her house. Maybe she’d set up a backyard movie. Reasoning being to play an unreleased song. You didn’t know why she was so nervous, she pulled out her laptop and a projector started playing a video with the song in the back onto the wall from the projector. At first it seemed like a song about yalls friendship.

As the montage went on with the pictures and videos, and the song got more personal, you realized that, this was a confession?

Then at the end of the song, there was a voice snippet of lucy talking, saying how she was grateful that she met you and how she’s so glad you’re in her life. Then she mentioned the first time she starting feeling differently towards you compared to anyone else, and how nervous you made her. Then at the end she pops the big question.

-🐹

OOOOOO!!!

‼️RPF‼️

HC - the boys & reader - asking you out

[Phoebe]

phoebe would be the type of person just like you said ^^ you’d post cute photos of yourself and phoebe would be your number one hype dude in the comments “BEAUTIFUL” like that lady gaga meme “AMAZING TALENTED BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS”

the two of you would go off to this nice little beach and take some photos but you see phoebes story just as she posts something and it’s a photo of the beach but you’re in the background and she has a heart on it. “that’s cute” you showing phoebe her story, liking it. “nah. you’re cuter” this has you lifting your head, phoebe grinning at you. “am i now? say, it is kinda late huh? what about we get some dinner? me and you” you kinda were hoping she’d understand where you’re coming from.

“yeah? like a date?” she’s smirking and you nod your head, not being able to get a word out before she’s grabbing your hand and dragging you to the nearest restaurant”

[lucy]

lucy is the type to be like play flirting with you ALL THE TIME same like phoebe but mostly irl if it makes sense? two of you could be cuddling together bickering like an old married couple. phoebe gagging in the corner like “get a fucking room” the two of you just cuddled on the couch, hands twirling some strands in your hair. lucy taking fake offensive to phoebes comment like “damn. you really are being homophobic right now - you hearing this shit?” and she looks at you and you’re nodding your head like “i can’t believe this shit”

she’s like “i can’t believe you’re being mean to me and my girlfriend” and it has everyone raising an eyebrow like 🤨🤨🤨 and she’s like “i mean - uh “ and turning to you and you’re there like “take me out to dinner first sweetheart then we’ll go further” and she’s like “say no more. tomorrow 6pm”

[Julien]

jb would be waiting for the perfect moment. to she’s been preparing ALL WEEK. getting hype from the boys “you can do it! you can do it!!” i like to imagine you work in a flower shop🤭🤭 so she walks in one day looking at the flowers trying to hype herself up to talk to you. not even realising you’re watching her with that small smile on your face.

“you looking for anything in particular?” this kinda startles her so she grabs the first bouquet she finds and hands them to you like “yup yup wanna buy these” and you’re laughing to yourself like “these are the display flowers. are you sure you were looking for these?” and she’s cringing at herself like shit fuck shit- “would you like to grab a coffee with me? maybe now- or later after your shift if you’re free- because if not that’s totally fine” but you’re stood there like :o and juliens there like inner monologue is spongebob screaming in that office as it goes up in flames.

“i’d love to” you say “i actually finish now so it’s perfect timing”

#pom writes #boygenius fanfic #boygenius au #boygenius one shot #boygenius x reader #julien baker x reader #julien baker au #julien baker fanfic #julien baker one shot #julien baker angst #phoebe bridgers x reader #phoebe bridgers fanfic #phoebe bridgers au #phoebe bridgers one shot #lucy dacus x reader #lucy dacus one shot #lucy dacus fanfic #lucy dacus au

[lydiacore]

!!big old moving out fund!!

BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!! i’m officially getting ready to move out for a job starting next june, but there’s still a lot that needs to be done.  i’m currently between jobs and still in school, but i have a few positions i’m interviewing for this upcoming week. that being said, i still need to have a significant amount of money set aside because i would love to be out of my current toxic (christian, homophobic) household by mid-april next year!! living with family in new york would not be a very viable option because the commute to work would be too long for a 7am start / late afternoon end, and i risk not having any privacy, which is something i deeply need, as well as no space for my esa.

i want to raise at least $4000 so i can have money for a security deposit,  a low rent, as well as necessities for me and my emotional support animal. i also still need a new laptop, which is a strong, strong necessity for me to have.

as april will be here before i know it, i am posting this now as well as all of my links below. if you see this please spread it around and/or give anything!! i’d love to make this moving process so much easier!!

vnmo: almondlyds cshpp: $venusthey zelle: [email protected]

#crowdfunding #idk if i should tag it as that but !! this is the most important thing happening in my life right now. #i need to be able to do this / have this to leave. #i'm this close to .... honestly being free of my mother's weirdness and her residual abusiveness and her #christianity and everything!!!!!

[c4ndyf4gg0t]

I've been struggling for a long time. It's too late to help me, for me to get the mental health help I need. I've needed it for years but I've waited too long, I'm out of time. I grew up kinda similar to Leelah Alcorn, with conservative homophobic parents while being a gay kid, eventually trans. I knew since I was 4 that I was meant to be a boy, I just didn't know exact words for it. (I got in trouble once for telling friends at preschool to stand up and pee, like boys do)

Ten years later I realized there was a word for it, that I was trans. Ever since I was 8, I knew I liked girls. I had a crush by the time I was 10 on one of my best friends. I had made her a bracelet with word charms, together the charms said "I love you, Shine". Her name was Cheyenne, but "Shine" was my nickname for her, as I grew up in Tennessee and ended up with a southern accent. I left the bracelet on the desk she was next to and walked out of the classroom, just to find out some bullies had found it and wouldn't let it go, since the girl had stopped being my friend before that and I wanted to at least let her know I had feelings for her. That was my first time being rejected.

A couple years later in 7th grade at age 12, I came out to a group of friends I had. The majority were fine with me being gay but a few of them hated me for it, and ultimately the friendships ended that year.

When my mom found the notebook where the friends and I wrote notes to each other and I had come out, she came into my room and yelled at me that "it's not Eve and Eve, it's Adam and Eve". So I learned never to come out to her, to stay closeted.

A year later I started Xtian private school and never actually had friends bc they were the popular girls or the homophobic ones.

The next year I got kicked out of school my freshman year for posting on facebook that I was bisexual. All the other kids could post pictures on fb in short shorts or comment on each other's posts and call each other gay, with no consequences.

But the second someone actually turned out to not be straight, suddenly they're not allowed to go to the school anymore.

The principal called me to the office and asked me if I knew why I was in there. I said no. He told me someone who was facebook friends with me, their parent had gotten onto their account and had seen that I wasn't straight, and made it a point to call him late the night before school to tell him.

I was accused of lying bc I didn't know the password to my facebook since my mom had changed it without telling me. The person whose laptop I used, his wife ended up being my English / homeroom teacher my senior year, so I was always suspicious of if she knew what happened when I was 14.

I was told to write a letter to the principal, the school, and the pastor to apologize for "ruining their reputation". I actually ended up just bullshitting the apology letter, writing it without meaning a word, although by that point I didn't care anymore.

I went back the next school day, a Monday, and gave the letter to the principal. He read it, and suspended me until later. I don't remember how many days.

I was suspended the rest of the year. People from the church somehow spread it around that I was kicked out of school for being bisexual, and the ones with kids acted as if I had AIDS and had forbidden their kids from talking to me.

My parents told me they and I had to meet with the church's assistant pastor after that night's service.

We met with him and he accused me of having sex with men and women (grown adults) as a child, and told me I was going to hell, an abomination against God.

My parents rarely let me get online so I didn't have much contact with anyone outside of my immediate family. My stepdad would stand behind me while I was online, reading anything and everything I was looking at, including when I first got onto Tumblr, when I tried looking up trans people bc I knew I was trans. He told my mom I was looking up "nasty" things.

Eventually being homeschooled, I realized I was transgender and went by Toni and then Shawn. I wasn't sure how I chose the name but it seemed to fit me.

The next year I went back to school and met 2 people who were my best friends only bc I would've had no one. They were homophobic and transphobic. Even mocked Day of Silence after I explained it to them.

There was a guy 2 years older than me who turned out to be gay, as well as a girl 1 year younger than me and another guy 2 years younger than me, both extremely homophobic in school towards me, who eventually came out as gay themselves.

The high school only had 1 hallway, with 1 teacher per grade and the kids would switch classes.

During class change, I had to hear 3 guys who knew why I was suspended walk past me and call me homophobic slurs every day. I knew it was towards me bc no one else was outwardly gay, as if I even had a choice. I couldn't tell a teacher what was going on or I would've been suspended from school again just for trying to get help with being called slurs and being treated like I was less than human.

I eventually graduated from the school. Once I graduated, I posted on facebook and came out as transgender. Someone on there saw and outed me to my sister who outed me to my mom. Later on, my mom yelled at me and asked me why I wanted to be an ugly man.

In 2015, I met and dated a guy who would later sexually assault me and 2 years later r word me. Had I stayed with him, I would've been r worded often as he didn't think consent was important. I realized in June 2022 that he had r worded me, but that was 5 years after he did it.

I have a girlfriend right now and I'm struggling to make it through every day bc I just can't deal with every single day. I blame my parents and my siblings. I blame them and I don't care if they deny it. I know that suicide might be my choice but I am not the only guilty one, the only one at fault for what led up to it. I hate staying alive with everything I have to deal with. I shouldn't even be fronting but I don't know what to do.

I know 2017 is my fault and I know I should've been gone when I was 16. I guess this is just me making up for it now.

#personal #res posts! #mine #mine! #for later

[elytrafemme]

okay this might be strange but ive been checking ur blog lots as of late because the positivity posting has just been really lovely

but anyway i really like the posts you got here and such, maybe its because it feels like im reading posts that are like really genuine and like from the heart/soul/mind/idk wherever posts come from personally i would say mine come from the hubris but in a silly bonkers way. a im not like other bloggers way.

wait my laptop is at 8 percent errrrrm

ANYWAY ur nightmare post was really nice, even though i dont get many nightmares, or dreams (or at least ones i remember), but it like is a really nice way of looking at waking up. freaking punch the subconscious <- is just saying things

anywho i hope you are doing well and or do well and or have some silver lining to ur dayyyyyyyys

(if u would like the knowledge, i was dragged to see the elvis movie with my cousin and grandfather, who loves elvis. anyway she turned to me and called elvis tootie fruity so then i was thinking of cs the rest of the movie. she was not being homophobic to be clear she is in fact a woman liker making a joke. unless she was in which case oh well that is how the life in southern america goes)

my enemy of two seconds (<- saw u follow me in my notifs and im like CLOWN!!!! Another victim of accidentally hitting the unfollow button I SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i'm glad the positivity posts help people :] honestly I spent a while doing a lot of very fake positivity and that was kind of messed up for me and the party i said it to so i've started like? acknowledging my own pain and misery while also appreciating the positive things in life which i think is a good balance to have. like, today was kind of a bad day for me, but i was able to think a lot about regaining agency in my life, which was a really good thing! a necessary conversation i needed to have with myself via that nightmare post and also the thought that ensued before and after. so even if today was a bad day, introspection came alongside it.

at the very least, if today was a total bust, keeping track of positive things just gives me more stuff to look forward to tomorrow that i might be able to appreciate better then.

(obsessed with this anecdote. thank you)

#nightmare.ask #sleepy anon ☁️ #sorry you indulged me so i waxed poetic some more but u get me

[oficmag]

Contributor Spotlight: Taylor

Now that Issue #1 is live, we at OFIC Mag are excited to shine a light on some of the amazing contributors from our inaugural issue. We hope you all love them as much as we do!

Today’s spotlight is on Taylor | @grilledcowheart, who wrote “the sea monster stays in bed all day listening to Long Division” for Issue #1.

Tell us a bit about yourself!

I've been trying to think of how to answer this question for days; my mind completely blanks every time I open up my laptop to stare at it. So I suppose I'll default by just telling you that while putting the finishing touches on my other answers, I was also on Discord encouraging a friend to draw a Pixar character with two penises like a shark. 

How did you find fandom?

I first found fandom through the site fanpop.com and the various Powerpuff Girls “fanclubs” that existed there—the site hosted multiple types of fanworks, including fics, and from there I found fanfiction.net, deviantART, and so on. I'd actually been writing fanfic since elementary school—largely crossover fics of the various shows I'd watch on Boomerang (Cartoon Network's "oldies" channel) late at night when I should've been sleeping—but PPG is where I actually developed an awareness of and connection to fandom communities. 

What fandom are you in now and what brought you here?

Right now, I'm mostly involved with the fandom for Pixar's Luca. There's a lot I could say about the film and its reception by the queer community, especially in light of everything that's been going on with Disney's support of homophobic politicians and Pixar itself stating that Disney has censored same-sex affection in their films, but we'd honestly be here all day. 

Aside from all that, as much as I love the film (and its little sequel short, "Ciao Alberto"), it's yet another story about childhood angst and trauma that leaves just enough room for someone like me to step into and want to push further. Trauma is so abundant in children's media, but obviously there's only so far you can go into it while still being appropriate for children to consume, so fanfiction allows for a more in-depth discussion of these things. There's a good quote by the Biblical scholar David Janzen about trauma theory, wherein he says that the struggle faced by trauma survivors trying to describe their experiences is "situating the trauma within an explanatory narrative so that they can make truth claims about it and explain and make sense of it," and that trauma is "really a gap in narrative rather than narrative itself." I think a lot of my writing—fanfic and ofic—is about trying to reconcile the discrepancy between the narratives I've been given and how I've actually experienced the world. 

Also Luca/Alberto is a very cute and gives me serotonin.

What’s your favorite book of all time and what do you love about it?

Naturally, I get asked this and forget every book I've ever read in my life. I think Stephen Mitchell's translation of The Epic of Gilgamesh is definitely up there, though—Gilgamesh is such a fascinating and emotionally resonant story even all these thousands of years later, and Mitchell's poetry helps smooth over some of the inherent awkwardness that comes from translation. Further, because Gilgamesh is obviously situated within a larger mythological context, there are tons of new discoveries, translation nuances, and spin-offs to find, such as the tablets that strongly imply Enkidu and the monster Humbaba knew each other before Gilgamesh went to kill the latter (when I say "daddy," you say "issues!"). One of my earliest attempts at submitting my ofic writing was actually a modern Gilgamesh AU focusing on that connection, which I'd love to come back to and make into a full book one day.

What projects are you working on right now?

Right now, I'm working on revising a fanfic novella, alongside a few other Luca/Alberto short stories and an article on applying creative writing strategies to academic writing. I mostly write short stories, so I tend to cycle through projects very quickly, with a few longer CNF/hybrid projects that gestate in the back of my mind for 1-3 years at a time. 

What are your aspirations as a writer, big picture or small?

I had a nearly 400-word response to this typed up initially about how my aspirations for fanfic and ofic differ, how I try to take the crazy things I see going on in the literary fiction and nonfiction spheres and take them back to the Land of Fandom to show others all the cool ways we could be telling our stories—darker, wilder, more “cringe.” A creative writing professor I had in undergrad once said that he assigns dark and experimental fiction because many writers need to see someone else do it first before they can give themselves permission to start letting their fears of “acceptability” go. 

Still, it felt like I was gaslighting myself, pretending my work could ever matter. 

It reminded me, too, of David Shields’ How Literature Saved My Life, which I read largely while volunteering at a homeless shelter as part of one of my undergrad classes. The most notable memory of that whole experience is watching several white teenagers eagerly discuss the merits (or lack thereof) of the then-recent film adaptation of The Hate U Give while I sat eating with two of the shelter’s clients—a black mother and her child. They never looked in our direction, not even once. 

Near the end of the book, Shields cites an interview David Foster Wallace gave shortly after the release of Infinite Jest, wherein he states that “We’re existentially alone on the planet. I can’t know what you’re thinking and feeling and you can’t know what I’m thinking and feeling. And the very best [writing] construct a bridge across that abyss of human loneliness.” 

Later, Shields himself says: “Illusion, baby, illusion—whatever the cost.”

If you could give one piece of advice to beginning writers, what would you tell them?

Never let yourself be confined by how a story in your genre is "supposed" to be written. Read outside of your genre! My writing became so much more alive and vibrant after I found creative nonfiction through Amy Fusselman's short but powerful memoir, The Pharmacist's Mate, which is told largely through fragments. Borrow from other genres and forms (mature poets steal, after all). Sure, you might alienate your hypothetical audience, but they might not have liked the more "normal" version, either. The only thing you can guarantee in art-making is that you've honored yourself and the story you want to be telling. 

THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF THE OFIC FAMILY, TAYLOR! WE’RE SO THRILLED TO SHARE YOUR WORK WITH THE WORLD.

#writeblr #bookblr #issue 1 #spotlight

[howaboutalittlehelpneos]

This site is being homophobic specifically towards my laptop because I've tried posting on there three times and it just won't go, but for some reason mobile (on the exact same wifi connection) is totally fine because fuck me I guess

I am so tireddddd my data at home has been complete shit lately, but ONLY at home. If I go outside it's fine, however I do not want to write outside, I want to write somewhere comfortable like inside.

Yesterday was bad because I felt really shitty healthwise and couldn't even look at a screen without my head hurting, but I really wanted to write! Now today I don't feel shitty but the words don't wanna come.

#all i wanna do instead is talk about gay mermaid aus with my friends #i have been Trying to make myself write and i havent even managed 100 words #its like pulling teeth for me right now #'dont try to force creativity' but i have a limited number of days where i actually have the free time available to be creative #and i wasted one of them already feeling terrible #ughhhhh #vent

[linaharutaka]

and falling feels like flying

#my laptop is being so homophobic lately #i prefer the sketch of this but. hey its done now #paper mario the origami king #pmtok #olivia #my art

[zarara]

what dating rosé would be like

rosé x fem!reader - college!au

genre: strictly fluff, a side of humor-like substance

warnings: suggestive scenarios, swear words i guess, gay shit, rosé is hot and i wanna marriage

it is a verified fact that rosie would be a Chill girlfriend

i'm getting girlfriends who make sapphic tiktoks just to throw off homophobes vibes while also being the most wholesome openly-out gay couple on campus (wohoo visibility go go)

and i'm sorry but rosé is going to act like a top in the relationship (regardless of whether or not you’re a bottom or not)

she will come up with the best (worst) excuses to do the most pda shit in public

always staring at you when you’re with friends and when you’re widen your eyes as if to say “what do you want?????” she’s just going to lose it and will excuse the both of you just to make out with you

will not let go of your hand at any moment and no she doesn’t care if you need both hands to eat bestie you signed up for this clownery when you said yes to being her partner

she sleeps over in your room almost every day and when her roommates eye her as she runs to her room to get her laptop early in the morning she just shrugs, “y/n’s bed is more cozy”

she sleeps over in your room almost every day and when her roommates eye her as she runs to her room to get her laptop early in the morning she just shrugs, “y/n’s bed is more cozy”

but then you got too concerned watching her sprint every morning to her room like she was on fire so you just told her to come to your room as soon as class ends

and rosé LOVES this idea but just to be cheeky she’s like “uhh but my classes are over before yours most day. you really want me to be in your room without you?? you pervert”

you’re just like “...?? nevermind you can go back to your daily morning marathon for all i care”

lol but obviously she takes the offer

and now you can only watch as rosé shuffles through the pile of your clothes every morning until she settles on a hoodie that is comfy enough or if she’s feeling extremely affectionate (which trust me is often), then she’ll borrow some bottoms like shorts

weekends, you both agree, are meant to be slept through

and usually that is exactly what you do! you just have a really late lunch at the local restaurant and end up being too full to have proper dinner so you have ice cream for dinner (actual children behavior)

but sometimes you wake up earlier than you mean to (literally 11 AM but ok i guess early)

and contrary to what rosé behavior is like otherwise, she’s not a very clingy sleeper so she’s probably draped across one of your extra pillows,

her long blonde hair is splayed everywhere, her legs are wrapped around the pillow, and your soft blue comforter lies abandoned at the foot of the bed

and you can’t help but fucking lose your shit over your girlfriend. like hOW

you roll over to her and climb on top of her just to kiss her face all over until she comes to with a low hum

rosé’s morning voice HELLO?????

you try not to get horny this early (again, it’s already 11 AM) but this woman underneath you as she turns to look at you with half-open eyes, her warm hands already placed under the hem of your top - um, nobody can really blame you for going in for a make-out session at the least

and when you finally manage to actually stand up and move around, the two of you make use of the extra time and go thrift shopping or maybe watch a movie in bed as you snack on the new snacks she wanted to try out

speaking of food, rosé will be in charge of feeding you

is it finals week and you don’t know whether you wore this shirt last week or last month and also by the way that coffee on the floor tasted weird and why are your socks soiled (more like why are you wearing socks in the first place)?

don’t worry, rosé will check up on you every evening with a different kind of takeout in hand as you fall into her arms. some days it’s your usual burger and fries order but other times, when her exam went especially well, she’ll treat you with sushi

and one day you’re lazily going over your flashcards in her lap as she threads her fingers through your hair, and you ask her, “how do you not die during finals week?” pointing at the clear lack of craze in her eyes

and she just chuckles and pecks your nose, “because of ur smile when i bring you food every evening”

you groan at her cheesy reply but she just laughs because your ears are turning red despite what you say

#rose #rosé #blackpink #blackpink rose #rosé x reader #wlw #rosé x you #rose x reader #blackpink rose x reader #rose fics #rosé park #im so gay fuck.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #all projects #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever

[burnedbyshoto]

mamihlapinatapei

— mamihlapinatapei: wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start. —

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pairing: todoroki natsuo x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, daddy kink, praise, choking, cockwarming, orgasm denial

word count: 8,903

a/n: a commission for @redbeanteax​, sorry it took so long. my back is in so much pain and good god did i feel like i was cheating on shouto when writing this. i hope you enjoy it!!!!

message me to join my taglist!

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Soulmates were an old concept.

It was this phenomenon that had first occurred so many years ago. It was a miracle that allowed the two perfect halves come together. 

In its initial introduction, divorce rates and plummeted to all-time lows! For an entire generation, divorce rates were at an all-time low of zero. No one in the world were getting divorces, choosing to stay with the person that was deemed worthy of them. It seemed for some time that people were going to fall in love with their soulmates and find happiness and prosperity for them.

That is until soulmates crossed borders, seas, racial tensions, economic differences, and sexual preferences…

The rich stopped trying to bring someone in for a rag to riches effect, choosing to instead marry within their own class circle, choosing wealth over love. International soulmates couldn’t figure out a common language, they’d sit in front of each other with lousy translator apps, unable to talk freely and openly, and soon their relationship was destroyed. Racial tensions were especially hard. There were reports of soulmates waking back up into their bodies to find their home destroyed and family hurt because their soulmate could not stand the thought -- the idea -- of the race of their soulmate. There were still homophobic people in this world of soulmates who could not accept their sexuality when presented to their soulmate who was the same gender and would not leave any means of contact behind.

Soulmates, while excellent and loving when it is something within your reach, turned out to be a pretty fucked up thing.

But nevertheless, it didn’t stop you from ever hoping that whoever your soulmate was, it would be someone who would love you precisely who you are, no matter who they were.

Your tired eyes focused on your paper, your eyes scanning the different lines that glowed on your computer screen, trying to find a better way to propose your thoughts. There wasn’t much to this paper, it was a reasonably simple paper about the pros and cons of soulmates for your anthro and philosophy class. Since you were little, you revered in the concept of soulmates, your excitement to be in love with someone for the rest of your life was a pretty solid thing, even at a young age.

As you grew older, you held onto this idea, choosing to ignore the issues with soulmates in favor of optimism and positivity. There were still many, many happy and in love, soulmates! After all, there was still an 87% rate for soulmates marrying each other, the opposing 13% came from the worst of people, the most disadvantaged of people, and the most influential people. It’s how it was.

For a college student in Japan, you figured that you had a solid chance of having a soulmate that you could love and have their love in return. But your issue was the mystery behind it, the unknowing of it all. While you knew that soulmates did mean pure love, there was a part of you that hoped that there this someone out there was someone you already knew.

Well, there was one person in particular.

“I’ll proofread your paper if you look at mine,” a tired voice croaked from hours of not being used.

Your eyes felt dry, and you glanced up at the white-haired boy who was the holder of your affections for about two years now. 

Todoroki Natsuo.

“Only if you don’t make fun of mine, I’m so bad at this philosophical bullshit,” you groan, rubbing your face. You heard Natsuo snort, his arms stretched above his head, and your eyes dropped back down onto your screen, not wanting to be staring at him. 

“Oh please, I’m sure I’ll feel leagues smarter by the time I finish reading it,” he grinned, and you felt yourself looking back at the white-haired man who was pushing his laptop towards you.

“You’re annoying,” you sigh, but there’s an undeniable smile on your face when you hand over your own device.

“Sure, sure.”

What was there to say about him?

You had met him two years ago during freshmen orientation, he was in your introduction group, and coincidentally in the same classes as you. The two of you ended up getting fairly close over the first semester of college, and by the end of your spring semester, you realized in horror that you had a crush on him.

These feelings weren’t bad, he was a respectful and caring boyfriend, that was something you knew without a doubt. Of course, knowing that he is that, and not hypothetically assuming it meant that he had a girlfriend. Yes, Todoroki Natsuo was a taken man.

You’d never really met his girlfriend. You knew who she was, how she looked like, her favorite things in the world, and her least favorite things, that’s how much Natuso talked about her. You had the pleasure of meeting her once, and the only thing you could remember is that she had mouse ears and the personality of a mouse. Scared, timid, and squeaky.

She barely talked to you, and after the initial meeting would never join Natsuo and you anywhere.

You didn’t take it personally, you wouldn’t really want to hang out with her either, especially with how you felt about Natsuo. It was a conflict of pretending that you and Natsuo were falling in love, ignoring the impeding time you had to be with him, and of course, the guilt that coursed through your body whenever you rested your head against his shoulder during these late-night studies. 

In two weeks, it was July 2.

Somehow on this day, you would swap bodies with your soulmate when you fell asleep, and when you woke up, you had five minutes to figure out how to get them to reconnect with you. Most people left their phones unlocked that day, letting their soulmates leave their phone numbers in their phone, sometimes they’d leave their address, and Instagram and Twitter handle. After so many generations of soulmates experiencing this, and the ever-evolving technology, this was the way that people effectively found their soulmates once the five minutes were up.

But unlike what people had once assumed, there was no exact age as to when you would swap bodies. Some people were lucky to swap bodies at the age of sixteen, and the oldest recorded case was when someone was twenty-four. You were nineteen, as was Natsuo, neither one of you had this soulmate experience yet, but unlike before, you had a strong feeling that this was your year.

“It looks great,” Natsuo whistled lowly, his head shaking while giving back your laptop. 

You felt your face grow warm at the praise, your fingers highlighting another sentence for him to correct, “Thanks.”

“What you thinking about mine?”

You sighed, pushing away from the table so that you were looking into his grey eyes that looked at you with curiosity and high respect. 

“I’m a bit confused about your position,” you admitted, your fingers brushing back your hair so that you could look at the man whose lips pursed in thought. “You’re saying that soulmates are bullshit, but you believe it regardless?”

Natsuo nods his head, an embarrassed blush stretching across his face, “Well yeah, they kinda are. How is some cosmic thing the thing in charge of telling me about who I am to truly love?”

“So when you find out who your soulmate is, you won’t love them, but you’ll stay with them?”

“Yes? I don’t know… I know that my parents aren’t soulmates, and that didn’t work out. It’s hard for me to explain, but I really like Mausua, and I want to see how far things can go with her,” Natuso explains his thoughts to you, that stupid grin spreading on his face that always appeared whenever he talked about her. “I mean for years people didn’t marry their exact soulmates, but they were happy and in love for ages. Why can’t I try that out?”

You tried to hide the fact that those words hurt you. It shouldn’t have mattered, after all, there was no saying that the two of you were soulmates, and the probability of that happening was entirely slim to none. 

“Yeah, why not?”

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June 30 - one-week left

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You were slumped on top of the table, your head banging against the cool wood while Natsuo recited his notes to you. The both of you were in the middle of some argument that had tailed off in fifty different directions, neither one of you admitting defeat.

“Natsuo, I don’t give a flying fuck if that’s what the notes say!” you yell, throwing your eraser at his head, an act that he easily evaded while continuing to read off his notes. “You don’t give the baby the torch flame!”

“You’re not even listening to what I’m saying,” Natsuo insists with a laugh, his notebook coming to hit your back slightly. “If you give the baby the flame, they’ll be unbeatable!”

If you could roll your eyes any harder than they did now, you were sure you would manage to see your brain, but instead, you shifted on the table so that you were facing Natsuo, and you stuck out your tongue.

“Put your tongue back in your mouth before I pinch it.”

“Sowwy, I donth understhand,” you retorted your nose, turning up towards the ceiling.

Natsuo’s hands grabbed your wrists, and you shrieked, immediately trying to fight him off while he dragged you towards him. Screams and laughter filled the air until Natsuo accidentally pulled you off the table. So there you two sat, on the floor of the study room, in hysterics.

Your hands clutched your sides, breathing failing you while your ass stung slightly from the pain of falling. Natsuo’s face was red, his feet slamming against the floor periodically enough that you almost assumed that he was going to pee himself. 

“Just go to your stupid date already,” you groaned once your laughter subsided, your eyes resting on Natsuo, who was now laying on the floor exhausted. “You’re going to be late!”

Every Saturday after you and Natsuo were done studying, he would have a date night with Mausua. It was something he never missed, something he always made sure they did, even when his nose was dripping with snot, and he had the worst migraine. It’s just how he was.

Natsuo paused, his eyes looking at you with a shine of pain, and you sat up despite the soreness of your stomach. There was something wrong.

“She broke up with me,” Natuso admitted with a stiff smile, his shoulders shrugging. “Last night, she had this feeling that this was her year to find her soulmate, and well, I don’t know…”

His hand dragged across his face, and your eyebrows scrunched together. Scooting closer to him, you sat shoulder to shoulder with him before you nudged him with the back of your hand, “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, actually I am,” Natsuo responded despite the wry smile on his face, “I mean, it sucks, but what can I do about it?”

“Cry, scream, we can go buy cats and put them by her front door,” you began listing off a bunch of different things, most ideas being straight near criminal, but it made Natsuo laugh.

“Remind me to never mess with you,” Natsuo shoves you with his shoulder. The force of that alone nearly sends you flying, but you merely grunt in response. “But, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” you ask, obviously unconvinced.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I will take a hug if you don’t believe me.”

Rolling your eyes, you stood up, stretching out a hand you helped Natsuo to his feet, and without a second thought, you wrapped him into a hug. Your body feels just a bit warm when he held you close. 

“I’ll show up at her door with a cat and a baby with a blowtorch, just say the word.”

“Stop, you menace.”

“Shut up, you know you love me.”

“Have I ever denied that before?”

“Yes.”

“True.”

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July 1 - one day left

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“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!” You screamed, shoving a birthday present into Natsuo’s face the moment he opened the door. 

Natsuo graciously accepted the present, his face brightening with a smile while he thanked you for the gift. “I thought I said I didn’t need anything.”

You shrugged, walking into the house and taking off your shoes, “That’s what you thought, but I am far wiser and know exactly what you need!”

Natsuo snorts, closing the door behind you, and the two of you make light chatter while walking into the house. It had been a while since you came to his house. The last time you had been around, he was still living under the same roof with his dad, but this one was without him. The house had a different energy to it, one that was nothing similar to that of the old house. It was comforting and warm, despite the coldness the family preferred.

Today was Natsuo’s birthday, and he had invited you over for his birthday dinner with his family, something that he didn’t do last year with you. Thankfully you had met most of his family, his sister Fuyumi was an obvious one, and you also had the chance of meeting Rei the other month while running into the mother and son at a tea shop one day. You also had sort of met his baby brother Shouto, who you only really knew because of the U.A. Sports Festival.

Dinner was lovely, the four Todoroki’s, and you enjoyed a bunch of sashimi while talking. The family dynamic was also bizarre for you to experience. Fuyumi was obviously used to being the conversationalist. She was very talkative and inquisitive during the entire night. Shouto was trying his hardest to -- in the most helpful way possible -- act normal. He was stiff but a good conversationalist if you overlooked the often weird phrases he had to say. Rei seemed to be the mediator, trying her best to enjoy the situation but also getting involved within these sibling discussions. And of course, there was Natsuo, who for the first time since you’ve met him was being quite the Drama Queen. 

It was endearing to watch Natsuo quarrel with his sister and brother over matters that seemed so trivial and pointless. They were all very strongwilled, it seemed.

“How about you, y/n-chan,” Rei smiled at you, interrupting the ridiculous argument between Shouto and Natsuo about how Natsuo wasn’t going to wake up in someone else’s body the next morning. “Are you expecting to wake up in your soulmate’s body?”

You smiled stiffly, the searing gaze of the two Todoroki brothers burning into your body while you stared at Rei, was this family always this intense?

“Well, I haven’t yet,” you laugh, brushing your hair to the side, “I would definitely like to, but there’s no saying.”

Shouto seemed to sigh, his finger pointing at you, then motioning over to Natsuo, “But is Natsuo going to wake up knowing his soulmate?”

“Shouto!”

Dinner ended with a scoop of ice cream, and you listened in horror and fascination. At the same time, Shouto explained to his family about the insane adventures he’d had at U.A. After helping with cleaning up and thanking the family for dinner, you ended up following Natsuo into his room.

It took no time for you to fall onto his futon, your arms spread out on his bed while Natsuo grabbed your present for him.

“I wonder what this is,” he sang, plopping down next to you.

You immediately sat back up, a grin on your face due to the excitement that flooded your veins, knowing that this was a pretty damn good present. 

“Obviously, it’s a photo album of me,” you teased, and he seemed to agree that it was that while he unwrapped it.

From the bag, he pulled out a hoodie that he had been raving about for months now. He had never bought it because he sucked at saving up money for this exclusive hoodie. It was a navy blue sweatshirt that had English print all over it, you couldn’t read what it said as you didn’t learn English while in high school, but it was supposed to be pretty cool.

“Y/n,” Natsuo breathed slowly, his eyes wide and round, his fingers barely touching the fabric. It was as if he felt the material too much it was stain with his fingertips or complete disintegrates within his touch. “How did you? It was sold out, I checked!”

“You told me about how much you wanted this months ago. It was too late for Christmas, so I bought it in advance for your birthday,” you explained with a grin. Warmth flooded your chest while you watched his starstruck expression, and you only felt your heart beat faster when he turned his attention onto you. So you smiled, even more, your eyes closing in your mirth, “Happy birthday, Natsuo!”

You expected him to hug you, to bring you in close and tell you how grateful he was for this gift -- if that much. But when his fingers touched your cheeks, your eyes flew open to see his gaze focused on your lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

There was nothing you could say, your words failing you entirely because this is what you had wanted for years. Tonight was going to be life-changing for you -- whether it was a pleasant change or an adverse change, you had no idea. You’d wanted this for too long to deny him a just a kiss, right?

Your heart is hammering so loudly you swear he can hear it, and with a shaky placement of your hands on his wrist, you seal the space left between the two of you.

While you had never officially dated anyone before, you’ve definitely kissed other people before Natsuo. Most of the other kisses you had were -- quite frankly -- unideal. Stiff and cold lips, rigid bodies, too much saliva pouring from their mouths, disgust soaking your spine, and awkward hand roaming. But this? This was more than anything you could have ever hoped for.

His lips were gentle against yours. A soft rose petal that warmed you from the inside out, a flexible coax that reminded you that despite your ideals, this is what you wanted most. Your head tilted to the side, allowing your meeting lips to connect further, your bodies coming together in yet a bigger and more powerful wave. 

But as the sensations that riled your blood and nerves, the actions the two of you grew bolder, riskier, much more passionate.

His fingers released your chin, moving to grip onto your waist, pulling you in. You gasped against his lips, the demanding actions catching you off guard. Your hands pressed onto his chest, your legs shifting so that you were now straddling the larger boy, and you swore you could see stars the second his tongue skimmed your bottom lip.

Closer.

Better.

Wistful.

Your back arched, your chest meeting his when his tongue traced the roof of your mouth, and your hips involuntarily ground against his nearly trembling thighs. He hissed, barely loud enough for you to hear, but his cold fingers slid under your shirt, and you shuddered.

There was no time to react, you felt your body being flipped, and Natsuo was on top of you, his hips grinding into you emphatically, continuously, and unrelentingly. Your hips met his with every movement, your legs wrapped tightly against his waist, trying your best to get him to lose his train of thought with every roll of your hips. The growing bulge in his pants was only a clear indictment to what you were doing to him. Of what was to come of this night. Your head fell back, your jaw-dropping, while you made choking noises, refusing to let such a loud audible noise escape your mouth. But it seemed that Natsuo wanted to hear you moan, to feel you squirm against his hold.

This was making your body explode with sensations you didn’t think was possible from someone who wasn’t your soulmate. 

Natsuo’s lips pressed down your neck to your chest, your mind swam with the word soulmate, and your tongue was drenched with his name.

Soulmate.

Tonight was the night you were going to find out.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long,” Natsuo groaned, his tongue leaving wet stripes against your chest, and with the feeling of his fingers tweaking at your nipples through your shirt, you panicked.

“Get off me!” you squeaked, your hands shoving at his shoulders, your legs unwrapping around him.

“What’s wrong?!” Natsuo panics, his hands checking up and down his wrinkled clothes, his body on edge and filled with worry. “Did I do something wrong?!”

“I can’t do this!” you pant, your body feeling itchy at your conflicting emotions. You could do this, you knew that. It would take nothing for you to spend the night with one Todoroki Natsuo, but not on this night, not when you were so sure that you would figure out who your soulmate is. Not if they would wake up in your body with a naked man beside them. No, you couldn’t do that. “Tonight is the special night… and I can’t… we can’t! Not when there’s a possibility that someone is waiting for me!”

Natsuo’s eyebrows furrow, his face setting into an icy frown. There was a clear understanding on his face, emotions that let you know that while he was very disappointed, he understood.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your gaze no longer able to reach his.

“It’s okay,” he smiles weakly, but his voice is distant and terse. “I’ll see you out…”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Your eyes focused on the ceiling of your bedroom.

Even though it was three hours since you’ve left the Todoroki residence, your heart was still unfairly beating at the thought of Natsuo kissing you, and the implications of what the both of you wanted to do but hadn’t mustered the courage to do. 

You thought about the fact that he had just broken up with his girlfriend seven days ago, maybe he was projecting his no longer met hormones on you? There was no way your best friend was in love with you and chose not to say anything about it until now. But then again, because he was in a relationship, that confession would have been a dick move. But if he did love you, and not her, why would he have stayed with her?

You’re not really sure when you managed to pass out, considering that you had been tossing and turning for literal hours. But soon, you drifted off to sleep, with nothing but a prayer that when you woke up that you would be in someone else’s body. 

Your eyes opened when a crack of sunlight hit your face, and you slammed a hand against your face. But your hand came down heavier against your face, and you groaned in pain. But it wasn’t your voice…

Shooting up from your bed, your eyes searched the room around you. It wasn’t yours, you knew that much. But there was something familiar about the color of the walls and the furniture of the room. Rushing to your feet, you saw a mirror and looked into it. 

You were met with grey eyes, gentle, kind, and familiar grey eyes. Your fingers traced the pale skin and felt the white hair on your head.

What were the chances?

Todoroki Natsuo was your soulmate.

A smile spread across your face, an unbelievably gracious joy filling you up. But then Natsuo’s phone began to ring, and you picked it up to see your contact picture showing. It was a rather good picture of you and him, a memory from club rush during your first semester of college. On the top were your first name and a pure heart emoji.

Grinning much broader, you picked up the call, placing the phone to your ear, you spoke.

“Hello?”

“What were the chances?” you heard your voice respond back to you, and it took everything not to giggle lunatically within Natsuo’s body.

“I’d say less than zero.”

“Yet here we are,” he teased you, and you went to push back nonexistent hair behind your ear. Dropping your hand to the dresser, you shake your head.

“Are you disappointed?” you couldn’t help but ask, your worries about you being a distraction for him still hot on your mind.

“Definitely not,” he spoke softly, “I know what you’re thinking, y/n. That you were nothing but a distraction from Mausua, or how when I blurted my feelings, they were too in the moment. I should have broken up with her ages ago, but I don’t know. You just didn’t seem attainable to me.”

“You’re an idiot for thinking that, Todoroki,” you sniff, tears welling in your eyes.

“Hey, now,” he reprimanded you, but the teasing was still heavy in his tone, “it’s Todoroki-san to you.”

A smile grew on your face, and you scoffed playfully, “Todoroki-san? I’d much rather call you daddy.”

Now you knew what noises you made, you were nineteen, nearly twenty with a few sexual experiences yourself. Now the sound that escaped Natsuo’s voice was one of approval, and heat spread through your body.

“We have less than a minute,” Natsuo spoke as lowly as your voice could go, and it sent goosebumps down your spine, “I’ll meet you at your place. Are your roommates here?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Your eyes closed, and you listened to Natsuo’s directions. His voice flowing from your voice and slowly ended with his own. Your eyes fluttered open to see yourself standing in your bathroom with your cellphone to your ear. Heat flooded your body, and you realized just how cold his body was. 

“I’ll see you in twenty minutes,” he spoke sharply, and a smirk curled onto your face.

“Okay, daddy,” you accentuated.

You couldn’t see him, but you could feel his nostrils flare from the opposite end of the call, a dark look on his face. The line went dead, and an internal panic flared through your veins.

Twenty minutes to prepare, could you even manage that?!

You took the fastest five-minute shower in your life, nearly slipping against the slick bathtub while shaving your legs. Hopping out of the shower, you were quick to brush your teeth, putting product in your hair, and once you were done, you scrambled back to your room. Your hands throwing on the first set of lingerie you found, it was a navy blue teddy that had a deep plunge between your breasts. You hastily slid your sheer navy blue thigh highs up your legs, and just managed to slip your large t-shirt back over your head when there was a knock on your front door.

Looking into your mirror, you felt your chest tighten, your stomach filling with butterflies that left you feeling dizzy. It felt like an eternity when you walked to the front door, rising to the tip of your toes to see Natsuo standing outside of your door. His signature white with grey jacket over a dark grey tank that seemed just the perfect fit, you noticed black joggers on him too, and your teeth buried against your bottom lip, your heart beating erratically.

“Who is it?” you asked teasingly, watching the way Natsuo’s eyes snapped up, and you grinned at the way a coy smile stretched across his face.

“Open up and find out?”

“Mm,” you sigh, pressing a finger to your chin, “I don’t particularly want to find out.”

But nevertheless, your fingers found themselves on your doorknob, opening the wood door to see Natsuo standing there. His eyes were drinking in your face, and there was such a loving smile that emerged on his face.

“Hi, soulmate,” he whispered.

It was no different from the typical way he greeted you, but the simple addition of soulmate sent fire to your cheeks and stomach. 

“Hi,” you whisper, stepping aside, letting him in. 

He walked in, and you shut the door behind him, waiting for him to take off his shoes and remove his jacket, you stayed put. Your hands were behind your back, just waiting for him to look at you again. Your thoughts trailed to what was going to happen, would you two have sex? Would he grip your waist so tightly you would be left with purple bruises? Would he enjoy having you as a partner for the rest of his life? You licked your lips as your thoughts wandered.

When he was finally ready, Natsuo took a step towards you, knocking you from your internal turmoil and having you stare straight into his grey eyes. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked you again, and like before, you didn’t answer him.

Reaching up, you brought him down for a kiss, but unlike before, the intentions were already known. The barriers and the restrictions between the two of you were gone, and you melted.

His hands gripped the back of your thighs while he took a confident stride forward, and you followed after him. Your lips were glued to his. Every divet, every line in his lips was smoothed out and memorized against yours. It made your head spin, this was your soulmate, he was yours. 

Natsuo’s mouth dragged away from yours, moving downwards on your neck. His teeth bit and pulled at your sensitive skin until you were moaning his name. His hands were running up and down your curves, measuring them against him. A small gasp escaped your lips when your thigh rubbed against his clothed erection, and you shivered when his fingers traced the part of your skin where the thigh highs ended. Growling against your skin, Natsuo’s fingers pulled at the elastic and let it go. The fabric came back against your skin, and you whimpered loudly.

“Natsuo, don’t tease,” you muttered, your fingers pressing against the incredibly defined muscles that were hidden underneath his jacket. You wanted it off. But Natsuo didn’t seem to notice your needs, choosing to continue to press searing kisses against your neck.

“Address me by daddy,” he growled, his lips parting with your skin so that you could stare into his eyes. His gaze was ferocious, drowning, and near angry, but for some reason, it sent heat right to your core before he slammed his lips back against yours into a bruising kiss.

You could barely keep up with his moving lips, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when his hot tongue dragged against your lips.

Your hips weakly ground against his, and Natsuo met your needy hips until you were crying against his mouth, and his tongue invaded your mouth. Your fingers flew to his white hair, fisting the soft tendrils until he snarled. One moment you were on your feet and the next Natsuo’s hands cupped your ass and lifted you up.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, and you felt him walking towards your room. 

Your tongue danced against his, your mind doing everything it could to not fall under his spell. To keep fighting, to make sure that this wasn’t going to be easy, no matter what he wanted to be called. Curling your tongue in his mouth, you could feel the shiver go down Natsuo’s spine, and you pulled your tongue back in your mouth.

“Where are you taking me, daddy?” you whisper against his lips, your hips now grinding down against the head of his hard boner. Delighting in the fact that his grip on your ass becomes bruising, your rolling hips don’t slow down.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, baby girl.”

A chill slammed down your spine at that nickname, and you bite down on his lower lip. His gaze met yours, his eyes flaring with an internal fire that only aided to the light between your thighs. Fuck, did you want this man.

The door opened and closed when Natsuo entered your room, and your tongue lapped at his lips. 

His right hand left your ass, and you felt him fumble with the waistband of his joggers. You looked down to see his joggers and briefs fall, but had no time to admire the long and thick cock that sprung free from that restraint.

In what seemed like a perfect and fluid motion, Natsuo sat on your bed. He then shoved the panty of your teddy to the side.

“I don’t particularly like being teased, and last night was a lot,” he admitted, his fingers pressing between your already wet folds, and you cursed. Your hips ground against Natsuo’s fingers, and he grinned, seeing your reaction. “I think you deserved to be punished, don’t you think, baby girl?”

“No,” you breathlessly state, the feeling of his thick and cold fingers against your heated core formed goosebumps all over your body. “I think I’ve been perfectly well behaved, daddy.”

“I see we have a liar,” he chuckled, and before you could think of something to return with, his hands gripped your waist and sank you against his cock.

“FUCK!” you screamed at the feeling of his thick cock stretching you out in such a way that had your forehead slamming against his shoulder. 

Your hips moved, trying to find a way to adjust to Natsuo’s girth that nearly sent tears to your eyes. You could feel the way his cock twitched within you, your tightness, and slick heat getting to him too while he whispered senseless praises into your ear. Your hips moved forward, both trying to relieve the pressure that demanded to be attended to and to bring the mindnumbing pleasure that your body begged for.

But Natsuo’s hands gripped onto your hips, keeping you against his girth. Your jaw dropped to complain, but his left hand lifted to press his fingers in your mouth, effectively silencing you. You gagged softly against his fingers, and you made a whining noise while his right arm wrapped around your waist.

His right fingers dug into your skin, most likely leaving behind purple bruises while his mouth trailed to your ears.

“You’ve been naughty, baby girl,” he sighed, his fingers pressed against your tongue, spreading out slowly when they traveled further back in your throat. Your breathing piqued, trying to remain calm while your throat attempted to constrict around his fingers. “Now, you’ll sit on my cock until I think you’re ready to be fucked.”

Your eyes fluttered when his fingers began to slide up and down your throat, your hips twitching in an attempt to get the friction you craved, and your inner walls ached around his softly throbbing cock. His finger curled in your throat, and your tongue lashed around his fingers, a desperate attempt to remain calm in this situation.

Forcibly, you clenched your inner walls around his cock, and he hissed out your name.

It felt like an eternity with his cock buried balls deep within you, your mouth trying to please Natsuo’s fingers while you resisted the urge to move. 

“Daddy’s gonna fuck you now,” Natsuo muttered and you felt an incredible wave of joy shoot through you, you wanted him to fuck you until your eyes were rolling to the back of your head, drool pouring from your mouth, and his name the only word you could utter.

Suddenly you were on your back, and Natsuo’s cock was no longer in you, nor were his fingers. You shuffled onto your elbows, but Natsuo’s hands grabbed the hem of your shirt and tore it over your head. Your chest rose and fell with your approaching excitement, and Natsuo’s eyes took in the lace teddy that you wore. It blended in with your skin with such refinement that you took in pride at the way his fingers trailed against the fabric.

“Like what you see, daddy?” you ask in almost a whisper, and Natsuo’s snap up to look into your hooded ones.

“You’re so beautiful, baby girl. So perfect,” he agrees, his fingers dragging upwards, moving against your sensitive breasts, making your body arch up into his touch. The stimulation of his cold fingers against your nipples in such thin clothing, along with those sweet affirming words, sent sparks of electricity throughout your body. 

His fingers hooked under the straps of the teddy, and soon it was pulled off your body, joining the t-shirt somewhere in the room. It’s removal left you with nothing but the thigh highs, and by the looks of it, he liked that.

You couldn’t find words to tease him with because his finger trailed against your inner thigh, and you trembled at his touch. 

Natsuo smirked down at you, placing a soft kiss against your cheek before continuing to kiss along your jawline, to your neck, and then down your sternum. “Tell me, baby girl, what do you want?” Between every word, he trailed further down until his mouth was nibbling at the skin between your thighs, ignoring where you wanted and needed him most.

“I want you to fuck me,” you panted when Natsuo pinched one of your nipples, rolling the hardened skin as his teeth bit against your thighs, making your chest arch up into his touch, and made your legs tremble. Your pussy clenched desperately at his ministrations, your aching clit begging to be touched. 

“Do you deserve to cum?” Natsuo pulled away from your thigh with a pop. His fingers trailed back down your stomach, grazing your labia, chuckling at the way your hips twitched against him. 

Natsuo slipped two fingers into your cunt, keeping them still inside you as he maintained eye contact. He watched as you writhed beneath him, your hips snapping to relax against the fullness his fingers gave you. Slowly your movements began to feel good; your actions, to feel good, soon became a desperate attempt fuck yourself against his fingers. Slowly Natsuo began to thrust them in and out of your aching core ignoring your throbbing clit that you couldn’t muster the energy to touch. 

“Please, daddy,” your hands found themselves holding onto his forearm, fiercely trying to get him to do more with his fingers. “Fuck me good.”

Growling lowly, Natsuo arched his two fingers towards puffy inner walls, pressing down against it, and he watched your face contort in pleasure as a low whine left your lips. Natsuo grinned when he saw the way your eyes clenched closed, musical moans pouring from your lips when his fingertips brushed against your g-spot. Your jaw dropped, your hips taking over his finger fucking so that you were fucking yourself on his fingers. The clenching of your walls grew more and more, your toes curling with the impending orgasm approaching you, the build-up overwhelming. 

“So needy, baby girl,” Natsuo suddenly removed his fingers from your heat, your whines and desperate cries ignored while you bucked your hips up towards him, desperate for a release. You watched as Natsuo examined your slick essence on his fingers before looking at you. “Suck it off the baby girl,” he said, putting his fingers between your mouth, and without a second thought, your mind is broken from the denied orgasm you opened your mouth and sucked your sweet essence from them as you writhed beneath him. The taste of yourself on your tongue drove you almost insane; you liked the taste intermingled with the taste of him. What would you have to do to get a taste of his cum with yours? “You’re not allowed to cum until I say you can, baby girl.” 

Your mouth loosed against his fingers, and you whined at his instruction. Natsuo only shoved his fingers further down your throat and roughly fisted his cock, using his hand to glide it along your slit, gathering your juices along the tip with a low groan. He pressed the head inside your tight cunt, watching as your body reacted to the sensation. Your hips pushing forward, trying to get him to go deeper. Natsuo chuckled while he rubbed his cock along your slit again, teasing you, not giving you what you craved most. 

“Tell me what you want me to do, baby girl,” Natuso mockingly asked, knowing exactly what you wanted. His fingers removed from your mouth, and you gasped with the needed breath, and when you were ready, you spoke. 

“Fuck me, daddy, I need you to—” Natsuo’s fingers pressed against your clit, making you shrill in pleasure. 

“Such naughty words,” Natsuo ran his fingertip over your clit, smirking when your tongue came out in a pathetic pant, trying to control your desperate and needy breathing. The action made Natsuo groan, immediately imagining how that would feel on other parts of his body. His restraint wavering when he pulled back, steadying himself between your legs before he slammed into your aching pussy without warning. The sensation of feeling completely full after being denied sent you soaring towards your release. 

“Such a good girl,” Natsuo pressed a sloppy kiss to your lips, thrusting into your pussy as he watched your mouth fall open in pleasure. A constant slew of gibberish leaving your lips as you became lightheaded from the desire, and your arms wrapped around his shoulders to bring him closer. Natsuo’s cock fit inside you perfectly, the prominent veins on his length brushing against your inner walls were now moving, no longer stagnant, and only added to your pleasure. The tight feeling in the core of your stomach began to overwhelm you, the tip of his cock consistently pounding against your sweet spot, your climax threatening to wash over you. “Do you know how fucking gorgeous you are? These thigh highs are fucking driving me crazy… so pretty, so beautiful against your skin. It’s like you dressed this way on purpose, trying to get me to fuck you like you deserve to be fucked.

You whimpered while you shifted your arms around Natsuo’s neck, pulling his body flush against your own as he continued to rut into your tight heat. The angle at which his snapping hips were drilling into you had his pelvis rub against your clit, your legs tightening around his hips as his cock rubbed against your inner walls. You cried out his name, your clit throbbing at the sensation, your body stiffening as he moved faster.

“Who do you think you’re addressing?” Before you could attempt to respond, Natsuo’s right-hand leaves your hip and slams to your throat, choking the response from you. “I want to hear you correct your answer.”

His hand remains heavy and tight around your throat, his hold barely allowing oxygen to travel through to your lungs. Your vision fuzzed, and you could feel your heartbeat in your head, but your core shook with Natsuo’s now reciprocating and rhythmic slams.

“Y-You are, daddy,” you moan loudly, your thighs trembling with the feeling of his fingers around your throat.

Choking and clit stimulation with his cock pounding into your cervix, Natsuo chuckled into your skin. His thrusting hips were becoming more precise, angling into you in a way that made you audibly choke when you needed to gasp. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen to your body that was making you delirious, or perhaps it was the fact that he was slamming into you with the strength of rearranging your guts, but your hips began to swivel at an inhumane pace. Your cunt held a vice grip around his cock, yet it did nothing to slow Natsuo down, but the growing heated pit in your lower belly was making your legs tremble against his. Still, you tried to keep up with his rough and cruel pace, and Natsuo enjoyed knowing that detail.

“You’re fucking beautiful, baby girl. Your pretty little pussy is so fucking tight, I bet you’ve been saving yourself for me? Such a good girl, taking my cock like this, you’re fucking amazing.” He praises, his teeth biting down against your bottom lip. Your breathless moans slipping past your lips. “You enjoy being choked, baby girl?”

Your head nods, “Y-Yes, daddy!”

“Do you need to cum? Maybe I’ll allow it, your pussy has been so good.”

His hand against your throat tightened, and black dots littered your vision. His teeth sunk far into your skin, enough for you to feel your skin breaking as his tongue moving in cold strokes to calm your now throbbing skin. Then there were his nimble left fingers running against your clit and pressed delicate circles in time with his hammering and throbbing cock. But your swiveling hips held no value anymore, Natsuo’s hips snapped upwards fast enough and powerful enough to overcome and overwhelm you. The only thing you could tell was that along with the tip of his cock hitting your bruising walls, the sounds of your sopping wet pussy crashing against his forceful hips frantically rang in your ears.

Your bodies moved together entirely, his thrusts pushing you back further into the bed as he followed your movements. The bed frame hitting the wall with every harsh thrust, and your mattress springs creaking heavy in your ears. The noise of the headboard slamming against the wall was almost as loud as your moans of pleasure as your fingernails ripped into Natsuo’s shoulders, calling out his name in a mantra. 

“I need to cum, daddy. P-please, let me cum—” Natsuo could feel your body shaking underneath him as your orgasm was so close after being built up and denied. 

“Cum for me, y/n.” Natsuo groaned as your inner walls clenched around his length at his vulgar words, “cum all over my cock.”

Your eyes clamped closed, almost in synch. Your head nods, the heated pressure in your belly scorching. Your walls clamp down against his hammering cock, but it doesn’t slow him down, only encouraging him to increase his speed and strength until the bed shuddered against your weight. The sopping noises of your meeting sex filled your ears, and you moaned loudly, your teeth biting down onto your lip.

It takes his cock brushing against your g-spot for your legs to slam outwards, your arms nearly succeeding in choking Natsuo as you try sitting up as your orgasm slams through you.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” You scream hoarsely. Your scream only increases in great thrill when you feel Natsuo’s cock twitching unrestrainedly within you. But Natsuo ignores his own near, his hips continuing to drill into you, his hand clamping tighter against your neck, cutting off your voice. 

Natsuo isn’t done yet, not yet.

His hands move to grip the exposed back of your thighs, his grip bruising your supple skin. He slams into you faster, his cock continuing unaffected by your convulsing walls. There are no other noises except your wet cunt meeting his cock, your muffled shrieks of approval, and Natsuo’s heavy breathing as he continues to drive into you. Your convulsing walls body only making Natsuo stammer and curse loudly.

His lips find yours, and there is nothing to say, the kiss is messy, saliva coating your lips like lipstick. Spit filled kisses were exchanged between the two of you without care, while he chases his orgasm. His intense pace continues, your name growled from your throat, until one last thrust and one final clamp from your cunt sends him over.

Natsuo soon collapsed on top of you, his typically colder body burning with an almost feverish heat while his fingers traced against the frill of your thigh highs.

“That was something,” you mumble into his ear, and Natsuo snorts softly, his head nodding in agreement.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he whispered, pushing off your body; his eyes examined your raw body.

“Nah,” you disagreed with a smile, your fingers brushing through the bangs of his hair. “If you did, I liked it.”

“Masochist,” he teased, his lips pressing against yours in a soft and tender kiss. 

“I just might be, and if I am?”

“Then I think we’ll get along just fine, baby girl.”

“Okay, daddy.”

Soulmates weren’t perfect; you knew that more than anyone! But, while you lay there with his head against your chest. Hours after the two of you had cleaned up and gone for a few more rounds, you realized that this was what you wanted. You and your soulmate. That’s all that mattered when you were together, and things worked out.

#todoroki natsuo #todoroki natsuo x reader #natsuo x reader #natsuo smut #todoroki x reader #todoroki smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader

[failedaned]

I have a plan. I'm gonna go to the bathroom the beginning of every lunch and just chill there for a little while my friends get their food because if i don't come in with the i don't usually grab food and my friends usually grab me carrots since they know how much i love veggies- UHM anyway i won't eat in the mornings, just coffee or green tea. After school is the hardest for me, i always end up snacking i something. So I'll just take a shower and drink water and depending on my mom i will eat dinner or something small I'll probably eat just dinner the nights before my test so tomorrow I'll have just dinner but nothing else 👍. The only snacks i can have for now are veggies and fruits nothing more. for dinner will be majority veggies. So if i feel like binging, which is always gonna happen at the beginning and will be hard to control I'll eat celery and tomatoes and carrots (or/and) there can be other veggies too but no fruit because i dont want binge on something that can cause weight gain because if the sugar if you have too much but for the most part I'll control myself and not eat. At school if my friends say anything I'll eat fruits and veggies, I'll eat them first since I'm always the last one done anyway I'll just throw the rest away and they'll think it just because they already finished and it's not like u didn't eat anything (this will mostly be at break since i have that plan for lunch^) for distraction, i only have to find something for 4-7 because i lose appetite around 7 which is probably because i usually get ready for bed around that time and i don't eat before bed and my body is used to that routine so i don't eat. I could do homework, sketching, Plan out my outfits, clean, it has to be something more than just a movie because i like to eat while watching tv so my body will think about food so i need something else with that like scrolling through Pinterest/IG or watching something on my laptop too. I do have to study for my permit and my SAT so i will do that, ride my skateboard, play my guitar or violin (once i learn to tune the dang thing lol), self care stuff and that's al i can think of. (Djjeys my mom's being a selfish little mmph right now and yelling at my selfish but more likeable (not that I'm any better lol) little brother cussing and shit and it's literally making me shake with anxiety (every time and it's kind of annoying) like i really hate when she does this and then goes on acting like she's a good mother and good role model who loves and cares for her children blaming others for why they cuss and why they're so fucked up and acting all innocent and like a victim like my gosh if she weren't my motherwjejhe but she's the type of person, the type of personality that i hate, she's a homophobic judging little mmph...sometimes i can't stand her but it is what it is and also I'll be out of here soon enough, just gotta get my permit and i have a summer job already of course it doesn't start till summer but I'm hired just have to get my permit and permission to drive to work and have a reliable source of transportation lol I'll be using my mom's car since obviously i dont have one and she won't need it since it's a pretty late job and she doesn't go anywhere but i really can't wait to go it'll be hot but it'll be worth it, i might also get a second job since this one is a few time a month, when they have concerts. So I'll just take the bus to the other one.) (Oh also, since she's my mom i do gotta say i love her i just strongly dislike her personality and all that...she is one of the causes of my Ed anyway( actually she's the drop of my current relapse lol) Sorry for the rant lol but I WILL succeed and I WILL lose weight. I will be happy.

#just ed stuff #tw eating things #4na #tw ana thoughts #skinnnny #E

[logicgunn]

Delineation

Posted on AO3

The first time John catches Rodney walking out of Major Lorne’s room at oh-something-hundred in the morning he’s been drinking with the marines, and so when he wakes up in the afternoon with a pneumatic drill in his head and a mouth like the ass of a camel in the Danakil Depression he assumes it was some kind of alcohol-induced hallucination and lets it go.

The second time John catches Rodney walking out of Major Lorne’s room at oh-something-hundred in the morning he’s just gotten back from mediating a cabin-fever induced fracas in the gate room between Sergeants Nikolas Hansen and Rick Myers and he’s in a mood, so when Rodney turns down the corridor he hides behind a water feature and waits until he’s vanished out of sight, his heart thumping and his hands clenched into fists.

It’s not that John’s a homophobe, far from it, in fact, it’s just that DADT is still in effect (no matter the rumours from Earth) and Rodney could stand to be a little more discrete about things. If they get caught by someone, John will have to intervene. Officially. It won’t do a damn thing to Rodney, being a civilian and a scientist and, you know, Canadian. But Lorne’s a damn good 2IC, has strengths that counter John’s weaknesses and a steadfast reputation that goes a long way to smooth over the ruffled feathers of the marines that baulk at being commanded by an Air Force officer. If John is forced to send him back to Earth it will be an absolute travesty. If something ever happened to John, he trusts Lorne to take over command, knows that he’ll always do the right thing even if it’s not the easy thing, that the city and its inhabitants will be safe in his hands. If Rodney fucks that up with his late-night visits and his dopey smile and his god damn fingers fastening his shirt buttons in the corridor, John’s going to kill him with his bare hands.

He’s going to have to have a word. A strong one.

***

“Hey, McKay.”

Rodney looks up from his laptop. “Sheppard.”

“D’you have a minute?”

“Sure.”

Rodney gets up from his workstation and closes the door. “What’s up?” he asks.

“Look, it’s come to my attention…and I mean I get it, really I do…but if the wrong kind of person was to find out…”

Smooth, John, real smooth.

“Whose reputation…and…what?” asks Rodney, his face scrunched into confusion.

“What I mean is I know about what you and Lorne are doing, and there are reputations to consider and careers on the line and Lorne’s a damn good officer, I really don’t want to lose him, so if you could maybe, you know, be a little more subtle about it, that’d be great.”

“Oh. I see.”

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it, not in the slightest. It’s fine. Great even. It’s just that if word got out…”

Rodney crosses his arms and narrows his eyes. “I would never do anything to jeopardise Major Lorne’s reputation with the rest of the military grunts.”

“That’s great, buddy, Glad we’re on the same page.”

***

And he is glad, really. What two consenting adults do in their downtime is none of his business. And Lorne’s been acting different lately, all loose-limbed and easy smiles, it’s a good look on him. John’s happy for them. Yup, absolutely.

And so John doesn’t catch Rodney leaving Lorne’s room again. Not that he’s trying to, of course. It’s just that it’s good leadership to take the nightshift on occasion, and even better leadership to get his hands dirty and take on a few patrols around the city to help out. Let the men know that he remembers what it’s like to be them. That even though he’s the man, he’s still just a man. And if he uses his status to snap up the patrols of the living quarters, well that’s just showing his men that he trusts them with the more dangerous parts of the city and doesn’t need to be breathing down their necks all the time.

It bugs him, though. Not knowing if Rodney’s still sneaking in and out of Lorne’s room. He doesn’t do anything so crass as to imagine what they’d look like, the two of them laid out on the bed together, naked and entwined and sweating, all that skin and muscle and heaving breath, hands clasped and thighs- no. They must still be seeing each other, though, because Lorne still looks like someone who’s getting it on the regular, and Rodney sometimes heads over to talk to him in the mess, tray in hand, exchanging a few words before coming over to sit with the team. If John’s stomach does some kind of free-falling, fluttering, crash-landing thing in those moments, it’s only because his lungs are momentarily forgetting to breathe and he’s not getting enough oxygen.

***

He pushes it out of his mind. There are close encounters with the Wraith and close encounters with the Genii and close encounters with the vacuum of space to keep him occupied, and Rodney starts spending more and more of his free time in the labs so he must hardly be seeing Lorne at all. Lorne takes longer and longer shifts, days and nights and sometimes both, one after the other, but it doesn’t seem to be having a detrimental effect on their relationship; if anything their working relationship is thriving under the pressure.

John finally catches Rodney going into Lorne’s room one night, completely by accident when he’s passing through to get to- well that’s neither here nor there. It’s been a week or two since the last disaster, and Rodney doesn’t even notice John behind him, is actually unzipping his jacket in his haste before he knocks. When the door swishes open, John hears him saying I only have an hour before it slides shut again, separating John from him with three inches of soundproof Ancient alloy.

An hour. Time enough for something unhurried, but not time to linger afterwards… but John’s not thinking about that. He heads back to control to check in with Chuck before he goes to his room to try to wind down. He changes into his PJs, washes his face and brushes his teeth, then settles down in his bed to read War and Peace, something he hasn’t had time to do for months. His eyes scan over the words, but nothing actually makes it to his brain. An hour, Rodney had said nearly forty minutes ago. An hour to…what? Lie on the bed, naked, grinding against each other? Or maybe Rodney fell to his knees the moment he the door shut, unzipped Lorne’s BDUs and took him into his mouth. Perhaps Lorne was already prepped and ready for Rodney to fuck him, slick with lube that he snuck from the infirmary. Maybe Rodney bent him over his desk and is fucking him right now, his strong and powerful thigh muscles slamming him into Lorne over and over and-

John’s hard as a rock at the thought. He cups himself, pinching the inside of his thigh to calm his body down. The last thing he needs to be doing is jerking off to thoughts of Rodney thrusting. That way lies madness. It’s been forty-five minutes. Maybe it’s all over already and they’re lying together, catching their breath, or getting dressed and talking softly. Is it just sex? Or is there something more? They seem an unlikely couple – Rodney the workaholic with his Canadian wit and his inability to suffer fools, and Lorne with his all-American boyish charm who has never met a Pegasus or Milky Way trader he can’t sweet-talk into a better deal. What do they see in each other? What do they talk about?

The more John thinks about it, the more he convinces himself that it must be purely physical, and that…well it doesn’t make him feel better so much as make him feel less freaked out. If it’s purely physical between them, then it won’t get in the way of John and Rodney’s friendship. It’s not like Rodney’s been ignoring John recently, he’s been turning up for team movie nights when they’ve been able to have them, still eats his meals with them, plays chess a couple of times a week…but there’s a little niggle in John’s brain screaming that if Rodney has had more spare time to spend with Lorne, why didn’t he spend it with John instead?

John looks at his watch again. It’s been fifty-five minutes. If he was to head out to get a cup of Athosian tea from the mess hall, he might bump into Rodney as he leaves. And if he bumps into Rodney, he might…what, know more about their relationship? Is he really that interested? Apparently he is because he’s jamming his feet into his sneakers, War and Peace falling to the ground in his haste. He rushes out of his room and half walks, half jogs down the corridor and around the next junction, just in time to see Rodney slip into the transporter. He watches the door close on Rodney’s curved ass and collapses against the wall, panting. He hears someone’s footsteps, so he pushes off the wall and tries to look casual, passes Miko Kusanagi with a nod and is about to turn the corner when he hears Lorne’s voice behind him.

“Miko, thanks for coming by.”

He turns quick as a flash to see Lorne step out into the corridor to greet Miko, watches them exchange an Athosian head tilt as he gestures her ahead of him into his quarters. That rat bastard, how dare he-

Before John can stop himself, he feels himself striding back down the corridor, his fist colliding with the side of Lorne’s face, knocking his second onto the ground as Miko comes rushing out of the room and tries to step between them.

“Colonel Sheppard!” she all but yells as Lorne pushes up with one arm, the back of the other hand pressing against his bloody lip. John stands there awkwardly as Lorne gets up, helped by Miko, his eyes fixed on his CO in case of another attack.

“I take it I’ve really fucked you off, Sir,” he says, taking a step back. It’s a testament to how good a man Lorne is that he doesn’t take a swing at John, he has every right to despite being his subordinate.

“I, uh…” John searches for something to say but feels his rage slipping away like a low tide.

“Do you want to step into my room and talk about it, sir?” asks Lorne. “Or do you want to make it official?”

It’s not a threat. When Lorne says official he doesn’t mean he’ll make a complaint, he means John writing him up for whatever he’s so pissed about.

“Maybe…we should…yeah. Talk.”

Miko looks between them, but Lorne just nods at her and tells her they’ll meet up another time. It’s not until Miko heads back into Lorne’s room and comes back out with her laptop that John starts to think he’s missing something here. When she’s gone Lorne gestures John into his room, just like he did Miko a minute ago. When John steps in he’s greeted with an unexpected sight. The bed is pushed against the wall and there’s an easel set up in the middle of the room. All over the walls are charcoal sketches, and as John looks closer he recognises lots of faces from Atlantis and a fair few from the SGC, including O’Neill and Teal’c and Jackson. His eyes are drawn to the picture still on the easel, a coloured pastel picture of Rodney sitting at Lorne’s desk, his laptop open and his hands typing. The angle is unusual, taking in the slope of Rodney’s nose and his crooked mouth, the expression on his face one of serene concentration, the way Rodney looks when he’s in his element and working on something Nobel-worthy but not life-threatening.

Lorne brushes past John to open up his mini-fridge, pulls out a bag of ice and wraps it in a t-shirt. He winces when he presses it to the side of his face.

“You have one hell of a right hook, sir,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” says John quietly, and he means it.

“Any chance you’ll tell me what I did so I can not do it again?”

So John tells him. He tells him that he saw Rodney leave his room a few times and put two and two together and made sixty-nine, that he’s been trying to make sure they didn’t get caught out by anyone, that he thought Lorne was cheating on Rodney with Miko. To his credit, Lorne doesn’t laugh or get mad, doesn’t so much as smile or frown. He listens attentively, almost in parade rest except for the hand holding the icepack to his face. When John’s done, he only nods, dropping the icepack on the bed.

“I’ve been asking people to pose for a while now,” he says. “Mostly charcoal sketches, but Rodney was feeling impatient sitting still, so I asked him to bring his laptop and work while I drew him. He has an interesting face and a unique form, it’s been a challenge to capture his personality on paper and he’s been agreeable enough to come back a few times.”

“Oh. Christ, Lorne, I’m so sorry.”

“You were defending Rodney’s honour, Sir. I can’t fault you.”

“I was totally out of line. If you want to press charges, I won’t contest it.”

“I’m not going to do that sir. But two things.”

“Name them.”

“One, I have something you should take with you.” Lorne opens a drawer and pulls out a large, plastic folder of sketches. He flicks through them and pulls one out of the pile, gently sliding it into a brown A4 envelope. He hands it to John. “Open it when you’re alone, sir.”

“What’s the second thing?”

“Tell him how you feel.”

John schools his face into something neutral. “Major-“

“I’m not asking, Sir. I wouldn’t tell, either. I don’t know anything. But…life is short.”

John looks down at the envelope and nods once. It’s as much as he’s willing to give, even for Lorne. “I’ll take your words under advisement.”

Lorne smiles, then winces as his lips stretch out. “If that’s all, sir?”

“Uh, yeah Major, that’s all. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night, sir.”

When the door snicks shut behind John, he starts to feel like an ass. He heads back to his room and sits on his bed, twirling the envelope in his hands for a while before pulling out the sheet of paper inside. The sketch is entirely charcoal, confident lines on textured paper and it’s been sprayed with some kind of fixative to stop it smudging. Rodney’s hunched over his laptop, his eyes brimming with intelligence and his mouth fixed in determination. It’s like any day in the lab, except that he’s totally naked, his limbs sturdy, the muscles bulging where his thighs are pressed against the seat, the crease of his soft stomach. His cock sits snuggly between his thighs and the chair, explicitly drawn with just a hint of eroticism, thick and heavy and masculine. It’s like he’s not even aware that he’s unclothed and being drawn, his attention is entirely on the screen in front of him. Lorne’s captured Rodney’s whole and his parts, his personality and his physicality, unfiltered and unaltered. 100% pure Rodney McKay. John’s never been one to care for art, but this picture gives him such emotion that he can barely contain it.

There’s a knock on his door, and John rushes to push the picture back into the envelope so no one can see. The knocking gets louder and louder, more impatient with every second that passes.

“Hang on, hang on.”

He stuffs the envelope under his pillow and opens the door.

“What on Earth happened?” says Rodney, dropping his hand. “It’s all over the labs. Did you really punch Lorne? Oh my god, are you going to be court-martialled?!”

John smiles at Rodney’s concern and takes a step back.

“Come in, McKay,” he says.

#McShep #Stargate Atlantis #SGA #John Sheppard #Rodney McKay #Evan Lorne #Miko Kusanagi #Oblivious John Sheppard #Jealous John Sheppard #Misunderstandings #Fanfiction #LogicGunn

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #425

“evolution repressed by our backwards contest  /  breeding our torrential demise as we come to this edge”

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? I think Nutella is a godsend, but I use peanut butter waaaaay more often. We don't even really buy Nutella because I will destroy the jar. Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Baked. What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? Kathryn. I think. Do you like breadsticks? I just like bread, man. What are your favorite things to spend money on? Tattoos, uuuuugggghhhhh <3 Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Neither, really. Most puppies drive me insane (even though they're cute as everliving fuck), and I don't want another cat. Mom actually talked about getting another, but I really just want my one boy. Roman would get SO jealous, anyway. I enjoy just having my baby. How old will you be on your next birthday? 26. Yikes. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? As "the fat one," I can be sometimes. I would say though that more often than not, it's sort of whatever to me because I'm a human that has to eat. When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? I thought I slept way later than I actually did. What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody? My stuffed meerkat Rebel. Jason got it for me for my first birthday that we were together. Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic? Never again. I was once able to think "agree to disagree," but sometimes by doing so, you're siding with evil by not enforcing what is more than just a belief. It should come with being a human. Also given my own sexuality, it would be a slap in the face to me. Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one? Hell no. I'd date one though, if they were modest about their position. Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried? Wow, no. Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence? Quite frankly, nowadays, my appearance. I need it. My self-confidence is so far below "shit." Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? Nope. You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why? Hm. I know I talk about it a lot, but it would still probably be a 40 gallon terrarium for Venus. She needs - and deserves - it. Honestly, have you ever danced naked? NOOOOOOOO. What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Downloaded music. My mom eventually found out, but didn't care much. What is the home page on the computer you’re on? Google. Do you like to write poetry? I do, but I haven't done it in a while. :/ Are your ears pierced? Yes. If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle? Piercing gun. Which, by the way, do not do. There are many more risks with a piercing gun versus a needle by a professional. Do you wear makeup regularly? I never do. Did you eat cereal for breakfast today? No. I've been on a bagel kick lately. When was the last time you tripped over something? Last night, actually. The rug in the living room was slightly turned up, and I tripped in the dark. I didn't actually fall, thankfully. Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies? I'm diagnosed with OCD. I experience more ruminations and intrusive thoughts more than obsessive behaviors, though. Who was the last person you yelled at? Probably Mom. Why did you yell at them? I don't remember. Favorite type of apple? I like pink lady apples. I really enjoy any, so long as they're crisp. Ever seen live horse racing? No. To be totally honest, I don't really like the concept of it. Motivating a horse to run by hurting it doesn't exactly seem moral... How about live greyhound racing? No. What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without? The Internet, haha. Have you ever touched a giraffe? No. What does your mom call you? Britt. What stresses you out the most in life? I really don't think I could pick a top one. There are so many. Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite? Yeah. Y'all probably know WoW is my favorite. If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero? I used to be able to slam out Expert easily with only very few songs I had to play on Hard, but now it's been YEARS. I've played less than once in a blue moon, and my skill's definitely faded some. It really depends on the song. What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend? He couldn't handle my depression anymore. What’s your favorite country song? "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw, probably. What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you? Fail to communicate what he was feeling with me and then make a dashing break for it very, very abruptly after three and a half years. It put me past a state of shock, but trauma with how no less than obsessed I was with him. What were you for Halloween last year? I didn't dress up. :/ I wish I had the money and motivation alike to. Are you feeling guilty for something? I always will. Are you usually quiet or loud? Quiet. How many hours do you spend on the computer a day? Like... uh... all of them, oof. What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? Meerkat Manor. Do your siblings text you? Not really. Do you want a small or big wedding? Small. Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Not the house I currently live in, but I have before. Who is your ex dating/talking to? I don't know. Ever kissed someone who smokes? No. Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? Frankly, no. Do you own your own computer? This laptop, anyway. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yes, with my younger sister as a kid and pre-teen. What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment? I hear the video I'm watching, as well as my fan. Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yes. What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? Nothing. Not like that's a surprise. What do you typically order from Wendy’s? Son of the Baconator. @_@ Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No. Those are so awkward to me. What do you love most about yourself? I don't know these days. Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No. What are you doing right now? This survey and re-watching John Wolfe play Outlast 2. What’s bothering you right now? I'm immensely nervous about tomorrow. I have my first (and I pray the fuck to God not only) session with my new personal trainer then, and I'm terrified by how my body and my mental fortitude is going to react. Y'all have no fucking idea JUST how out of shape I am, and the muscles in my legs seem basically non-existent by now. I have to do something about my health, though, and I'm determined to make this shit work. More than determined. I know the first day is going to be hard, but I need to do this more than I can explain. What was the last thing you drank? ... What great fucking timing, I have a can of Mountain Dew, lol... That's another thing that needs to change. I've gotta stop the emotional and boredom-eating and chill the fuck out with soda. Be honest, do you like people in general? Quite frankly, no. There are plenty of people I love and think are amazing, of course, but I think I lean towards humanity being too shitty to like "in general." Do you want your tongue pierced? I miss my snake eyes. :/ That was suuuuch a cute piercing. I just had to take it out for the safety of my teeth. I kept accidentally clamping down on one of the balls when eating, and it would cause tiny fractures. Do you change your phone background a lot? No. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? No. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? It's not funny-sounding, no, I just think it's too manly for me to enjoy as part of my name. Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly? Yes. Oddly enough, I don't remember what I OD'd on now... You'd think I would, given how extreme the situation was. It was some cold medicine. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I absolutely do. It's extremely insensitive to people like myself who legitimately suffer - and I do mean "suffer" - from the disorder. Describe your day so far in three words: Dull. Lazy. Anxious. What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? Probably my senior project and the presentation I had to do for it. I taught about the fallacies and misconceptions of snakes, and I made a PowerPoint and some drawings to color and crosswords for the special ed children. I was so, so very nervous, but I got through it fine and the kids seemed to enjoy it. I actually still have the recording. Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: MILKY WAY. FUCK I love those. Have you ever stepped in dog poop? UGH yes. What was the last thing you spent money on? My niece's birthday present. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Is there a guy that knows a lot about you? I almost said "yes," but then I realized he doesn't know me at all anymore. I've changed so much, hopefully mostly for the better. He hasn't "known" me in many years. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? It's terrifying to imagine my life without Mom; Sara, too. Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee? I prefer no coffee. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah. Do you enjoy being outdoors? If it's cool outside and I have somewhere to sit that's not the ground, yes. Do people tell you that you have an accent? Sometimes. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? They're pretty, but I don't support their usage by this point in my life. They're a fire hazard, triggering to some vets with PTSD, and beyond terrifying for animals. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I get most heated about child molestation. You do not fucking touch a child like that. I don't even write any of my bajillion evil guys committing it in RP because I just can't stomach it. Even when my little sister (a children's social worker) is telling Mom about some stuff she sees at work, I have to not be present, 'cuz that shit isn't rare. It's nauseating. Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? A good number of people, honestly. Do you enjoy tanning? Hell no, I avoid the sun and heat at like all costs. Are you a virgin? This is going to sound weird, but I actually don't know, but I lean towards no. Who’s your celebrity crush? mARK EDWARD FISCHFUCK Did or do you get good grades in English class? I was always excellent in English. What part of your body are you self-conscious about? My stomach. But I'm self-conscious about everything else, too. Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? No. Everyone knows I can't cook worth a damn. Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Truly close, no. Unless you include pets, actually. Then a few. :/ Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yep. When was the last time you got a shot? Earlier this year for Covid. Get your fucking vaccine, btw. :^)

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''altaer" by 3teeth

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

#dear evan hansen #deh #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoe murphy #musicals #broadway #deh rewrite i guess? #this is more like the outline of a fic i’ll never write #kd.txt #i was posessed to write this #tree bros

[violasmirabiles]

hey i dont think i told yall abt the dream i had a couple weeks back cos it was fuckin incredible lol

so i published a fic in the dream right. no biggie. ive been on a Roll on that front lately. it was in finnish, for my smallest fandom, and featured one of the og works Many central characters and a self insert side character who, obviously, was a nb person called ali. a true 100% creator cameo who had nothing Significant to do and only like one or two lines to say. the fic was rated g and gen category on ao3. harmless fun. joke times. like "wouldnt it be funny if i just put myself in there."

anyway. when i published the fic it turned out to be popular. like super popular. like "should have alerted me abt how much Not Real it was" popular, cos this fandom is fucking tiny and pretty much all the fic written for it is by me, and none of them have, say, more than 100 hits on ao3. the ones that are connected to another, slightly bigger fandom have like a little over 50 hits and thats big. this dream fic was HUGE. like Actually Decent Sized Fandom Standards Huge.

and people started shipping the actual fandom character with the self insert character. moodboards and headcanons and playlists were created, as well as collections in anticipation of any future fics featuring those two. people started harassing me for More Content. and when i said at one point that i had literally no plans of doing anything about them cos i really hadnt intended for those two to be shipped in the first place, cos literally the ali character was barely there and their only function was to say, like, one line or so, people got Mad.

also someone got Super Mad when i gently explained that ali was in fact not a man but nonbinary, because, again, self insert. granted the characters gender may not have been obvious™ because no specific pronouns, save hän (and se), were used, obviously, cos i wrote the thing in finnish. (do think the Drama may have been in english cos this was a dream but i honestly dont remember for sure.) anyway this person took this as a personal attack towards them because theyd headcanoned ali as male. they accused me of being homophobic and made a fuckin callout post and everything (the callout post didnt even, like, have anything ON it. just that i was homophobic cos i Refused to Acknowledge that the ali character was Male and Gay for the Fandom Character. no sources, not even a screenshot from their conversation with me. more than a thousand notes and i still was like yeah this is a thing that happens, definitely not a dream).

at one point i just made a post where i, yet again, underlined that the ali character was 1) nonbinary, 2) AN HONEST TO GOD CREATOR CAMEO PLEASE SIT DOWN, and 3) a throwaway joke and thus not a very developed, fleshed out character, obviously. but this didnt help, like, at all, cos next i was accused of fishing for Woke Points and more queerphobia for making a queer character and then just THROWING THEM AWAY.

the funniest thing was that i was just reading all of these comments the whole time without even questioning that this was a thing that happens. i woke up when i was typing a reply to some comment (knowing everything id say would be deliberately misinterpreted) and saw my reflection on my laptop screen just in time to see a huge ass wasp land on top of my head. it had a Very high pitched buzz and i actually felt it land in my hair and when i woke up i just lay there like a fucking statue for literal minutes trying to figure out whether the wasp was real or not (it was not. and no, the buzz wasnt like i confused the noise with my phone vibrating or anything, i had no notifs at all and it was like 5am so no one was calling me either).

anyway. fun times! fun times. my dreams have been weird as fuck lately but this is the only one that wasnt like. disgustingly violent or awkwardly sexual

#dream tag #(KYLLÄ fandom oli täällä pohjantähden alla) #(hahmo oli koskelan akusti)