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charmedreincarnation · 5 months

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Hey, guys! I've been receiving a ton of messages in response to my last post. It's reminding me of how I first discovered shifting. I feel like doing a little story time since Ive just passed the three-year mark of my discovery, and I've been reminiscing with friends about it.

I remember being in a very dark place when I stumbled upon shifting. I was depressed, and very suicidal. Yet, there was this unshakeable optimism inside me that I was meant for an extraordinary life. Despite my mental state, I had a lot of knowledge of subliminals and the law of attraction (-_-). These gave me hope, but they weren't enough tbh. I didn't want to attract my dream life through practicing gratitude or becoming a magnet for my desires or whatever. Nor did I want to have to listen to subliminals for years on end to achieve my goals. My list of desires was so long, and I needed everything to change that going step by step and waiting years for each one to manifest just wasn't feasible.

But I refused to give up. One day, after a particularly hard day of being sad per usual, I searched on Quora for something like "fastest most powerful subliminals on YouTube ever" (Y’all 😭😭). Among the recommended sub creators, I found a video called "Desired Life: Reality Shifting". The description promised everything I had ever wanted: waking up with all your desires fulfilled permanently in short. It piqued my curiosity so much. Could I really just wake up with my dream life, family, house, wealth, all based on my scripts and imagination?

Growing up, I was a heavy maladaptive daydreamer. From ages 10-17, I created alternate lives in my head, telling myself I would go there someday. I was always doing SATs (State Akin to Sleep), and I think that's what kept me from ending it all. I was constantly in the wish fulfilled state, even though I didn't know what that was at the time.

Back to my story, I went into the comments of that video and came across a guy who claimed that after a week of using this subliminal, he woke up with a new life as a multi-millionaire living in his dream penthouse. I messaged him, and he gave me his Instagram which showcased his luxurious life. He had what seemed like a perfect relationship, he was very attractive, had so many cars, and travelled 24/7 while having a six figures amount of followers. He was living proof that this wasn't just scripting. Also the law of attraction community is known for their mad expensive coaching.. like hundreds of dollars per hour for questions and he was answering it all for free something I didn’t see the law of attraction community. And I talked to him for hours! He never got mad, he had proof, and he was kind, proof and the behavior of someone who really had mastered the art of life.

After our conversation, I spent the next couple of months doing research. I found numerous stories about glitches in the matrix, accidental shifting, people entering parallel realities, and eventually, shifting communities on platforms like Amino and Reddit. It was stuff I already believed in and did in my imagination; I just didn’t know there was a term for it.

Then I got reminded of a memory that I had seriously repressed bc it was so fucking weird. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we were absolutely obsessed with dodo birds. One day, we were outside playing, and on god time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, a dodo bird appeared. I know you’re probably like “maya be so fr rn you were a kid” but no, This wasn't just our young imaginations running wild - there was a bird that was huge, dinosaur-like, exactly how dodos are described in books and pictures we had.

Then things got weirder. Suddenly it started raining eggs. Big, large eggs everywhere it was so gross and my brother and I were a mess. We were young, sure, but not stupid. We knew this wasn't normal. My brother and I rushed inside to tell our dad. When I managed to drag him outside, he was furious, accusing me of throwing eggs everywhere. To this day, he tells the story of the time I "trashed the backyard with eggs." And every time, I'm like, "Dad, where would I get that many eggs?" We didn’t have eggs but so he assumed I stole them and we went inside for hours and it was magically cleaned. So he also tells the story of how responsible I am and how I took accountability for my actions even as a child. I didn’t clean that shit bro and I tell him that too and he just laughs it makes me so mad.

My brother, who knows I'm into reality shifting (though he doesn’t really believe in it), can't explain that day either. He often shrugs it off as a "glitch in the matrix," which honestly, well no duh it is a shift dummie. He does believe in manifesting but only bc he has seen me use it and he experiences the good things I manifest as well. They’re the same thing anyways but that isn’t the point

The reason I'm bringing up this bizarre childhood memory is because during my months of research into shifting, I found countless stories of accidental shifts, people entering the void, entering parallel universes, time glitches, examples of the Mandela effect first hand, glitches in the matrix and etc. It was like uncovering a myriad of experiences that confirmed what I already believed: we can change and choose our reality. I just didn’t know the phenomena had a name. Obviously in the future I came across other things like the law of assumption, the void state, etc etc but this was where it started.

I wish I had saved all those fascinating stories, posts, and blogs. I might go back and compile everything I found because they were so real and enlightening. It will probably take forever tho if I do choose to do that, but I think it's worth sharing.

In the meantime, check out this accounts of accidental shifts that my friend shared with me this account https://instagram.com/tessicavision?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA== based off the Glitch in the Matrix subreddit which is also a goldmine of people experiencing similar phenomena. It helped me make sense of my own experiences and might do the same for you.

I don’t want this to be too long and I already got to the point I think! but regardless stay curious and realize you’re really not that special. I mean ofc you are, i mean this is not some tumblr thing teens girls discovered or created and isn’t even limited to “spiritually/manifesting inclined people” I think at the beginning of my journey people talking about accidental shifts and such, inspired me more than purposeful success stories because they really have no reason to lie and they were looking for answers just like I was.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #reality shifting #shiftblr

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keii-starz · 19 days

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answer any or all I wanna know more about you 👁️👁️

Do you have freckles?

Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?

What was the last song you listened to?

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Do you prefer drawing or writing?

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

What’s your favorite band/artist?

When is your birthday?

How tall are you?

What color are your eyes?

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

Fears?

What’s your favorite color?

What’s your favorite season?

Want any tattoos? What of?

Want any piercings? Where?

Who is the last person you texted?

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?

What/who do you miss?

How was your day today?

How much sleep did you get last night?

Do you believe in aliens?

When was the last time you cried? Why?

What’s your favorite decade?

What are some seemingly childish things you like?

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

How are you, really?

Does it take you a long time to make decisions?

What are you looking forward to in the near future?

What are you looking forward to in the distant future?

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

What’s your favorite flower?

Do you currently have a squish?

Do you like your middle name?

Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Do you have any phobias?

Do you stay up late?

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?

What’s your favorite cartoon?

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

Do you have siblings? How many?

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?

Is there anyone you would die for?

What do you need when you’re sad?

Have you memorized your phone number?

Who’s someone you can trust with your life?

What does your last text say?

Wild Card. Any question, ask away.

1. I wish (no) 😔

2. I drink both!!! but I don't drink coffee that often, and when I do, it's only if it has milk and sugar in it! when I drink tea, I usually drink milk tea, or I add milk to my matcha tea, but sometimes I just drink regular tea!

3. DAYDREAM by HIGHLIGHT!!!

4. I sleep on my back, but I actually prefer sleeping on my side!! I just dont sleep on my side most of the time because I sleep with headphones on, and its kinda uncomfortable sleeping on my side with headphones on

5. yes!! my little teddy bear that I got from my bestie!!! I named him lucy

6. hmm I love both a lot, but I'd say drawing!

7. ummm it doesn't really matter for me but I'll say teo because of my blanket I've had since childhood (its too small to cover me now so ofc I have to use another blanket)

8. hmm for band, it'd be LUCY!!! (K-band) I think the violin in their music makes their songs sound even nicer! but my fav part is obv sangyeop's soft voice :3

but for artists in general...hmm there's quite a few, so I'll name them by language! 1. CRAVITY (korean boy group), ZICO (korean soloist, k-hiphop), COLDE (korean soloist, k-r&b), 2. yoh kamiyama (japanese), TUYU (japanese band), 3. jeremy zucker, suggi (english)

9. february 11!

14. sage green!!

15. autumn! not too cold or hot, and not as much bugs!

19. I do! we've been friends since 4th grade!

21. it was great!!! I had so much fun and got to eat a lot of good food!!

24. sometime last week, I think tuesday..I think it had smth to do with my insecurities or like. how I keep getting the feeling I'm not wanted

28. my mental and physical states both suck a ton, but since I've returned home for spring break, im trying to convince myself to not worry about anything and just think of this as a lil vacation just until this is over

31. im definitely looking forward to moving out of my mom's house or just not staying with my family in general...I want to get an apartment where I feel relaxed at when I turn into an adult

32. if I could go anywhere right now...I would probably go to my aunt's house in florida..tbh, I wouldn't say her cooking's (sorry auntie 😔) the best, but I'd probably feel way...calmer? there and less likely to cry so often

34. my favorite flower is the star of bethlehem!!! it's really really pretty!!! im pretty sure it's a poisonous flower tho lol

39. all the time 😊

42. I prefer cloudy days! sunny days are nice, but I don't like getting the sun in my eyes very much, plus the sky is prettier with clouds :3

44. 5 of my fav blogs: @azulashengrottospiano @dove-da-birb @twistwonderlanddevotee @alexisomnias @l7k-a

45. I have 2 siblings! an older brother and younger sister, who is the youngest, but if I didn't tell u this and you met us both irl, you'd probably think shes the older one based on height and personality lol

47. I would die for any of my friends in a heartbeat

48. music!!! I CANNOT go without my music I tell u!!!

49. nope!!! you see, my phone doesn't tell me my phone number, so I always have to ask other people what it is 😐 (my other phone did tho)

50. uhhh hmmm this one is really hard bcuz I don't think I know anyone irl who I can trust with my life but probably...no one..?

#keianswersasks!❥ ҉#cas <3 🦈#I was going to answer it in the morning but I got caught up with a lot of things so im answering this at night 😔

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remcycl333 · 1 year

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What was journey into loa like? What did you struggle with at first and how did you overcome it?

i struggled A LOT. it was definitely due to the fact that i discovred law of attraction at first. so even when i found out about law of assumption about six months into my journey, i still carried over a lot of those limiting beliefs and assumptions with me. i think it took me almost a year to finally start getting it to work for me tbh!

here are some things i really struggled with:

over consumption. this was in 2020 before the loass tumblr community existed, so instead of reading endless loass posts on tumblr i'd watch at least twenty manifestation youtube vids a night trying to find out "what i was doing wrong." i finally went on a loass youtube vid ban and decided to just trust myself and the process and it REALLY helped

i was way too focused on time. i started by trying to manifest an sp and i just wanted a text so bad. i knew manifestation could be instant, so i'd affirm for a day and then get pissed my sp hadn't texted me yet and throw a fit/have a breakdown. eventually i just decided i'd persist until it happened and not allow myself to waver, and i finally started successfully manifesting

i had a shitty mental diet. i was constantly affirming, but i was also constantly thinking about fights i'd had with my sp in the past. i'd imagine future fights we could get into. i didn't realize this was keeping me in a state of lack, and that i was showing my subconscious i still didn't have my sp even tho i was affirming 24/7. to fix this i just monitored my thoughts better and disciplined myself

those are the main things i struggled with! once i fixed those things, i finally started manifesting quickly :)

#asks

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rielzero · 2 months

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I can't find any concrete information on any of the main companions ages, but given that most headcanons put ages pretty close to each other, I might just make my own headcanon on the ages, just so that If age is mentioned in my comic I can be specific. This is me just going off from my own interpretation of interactions and supposed life experience. Please know I am not an expert and my opinion may be flawed, weeeh. I might miss vital information.

Astarion: 200+, immortal. it would be inconsistent to assume he was with Cazador exactly 200 years, it could've been 197 for example, or 202, we simply don't know the exact amount. The dates in the game and grave are unclear, some sources state Astarion is 350, while others say he is 239... I think Astarion would be the kind of guy who avoids giving you his exact age, either due insecurity or simply because he doesn't know anymore. Elves stop aging physically for a while around 20, so he might've been much older than 39 at death.

Gale: 30-35? I'm picking 34. He looks pretty young, 29 wouldn't be too far fetched? greying hair early is genetic. His speech pattern and expressed experience within life makes me think 33 or 34 is a safe bet. Tara and family keep urging him to have kids obsessively, so mid thirties makes sense.

Karlach: 28-32 Suppose 29 fits best. Karlach mentions she was ''a kid'' when she was given to Zariel, so she was either 18-19 when she worked for Gortash, and she focally expresses her pent-up ness with her sexuality in the hells, I think she must've at least have had some relationship experiences in Baldur's gate before Gortash ruined her life. She was enslaved by Zariel for 10 years.

Lae'zel: 24. Stat! Most folks say She's 20-22, but I think 24 would be closer. She's young, but also somewhat more experienced in life. As for social situations and awkwardness, that may be more a cultural difference, in her culture kids get trained from a really young age. They kill each other as a culling too, so not much of a childhood to go on there.

Shadowheart: 48-50 I'm sticking to 48. As a half-elf, her appearance stops aging beyond 20 for a while, she sounds more experienced in life, but often lacks memory to fill in the gaps to why. Which explains some of her behavior and interactions with other characters. She comes off both young / older at times due this. If you look at her mother and father's appearances, I'd say 10 year old Shadowheart was stolen by Shar's cult. So her mother must've been stuck there for about 30+ years. If her mother was 30 when shadowheart was 10, then she would be in her sixties, which matches her appearance. But this is just my guess. Wyll: 24-35 Oh? I think he's 29 tbh. From what I've seen, Wyll had the widest range of age guesses from others. People put him either close to Gale's age, or much closer to Lae'zel's guessed age. I think he's closer to Karlach's age, so I'm sticking with that. Wyll has a lot of life experience- he's been super busy, but he's mostly been on his own since 17. It's not super clear to me for when Wyll went out as blade of frontiers if he had made much friends on the road- I think he just went from place to place or wherever Mizora sent him to, so he didn't stick around anywhere for too long? He's socially confident, but not used to being around a variety of personalities for too long maybe? He tries to see the good in everyone because that's his default. He's a good guy! But he's also nuanced as a monster hunter. (Else Astarion would be dead the second he joins, lol.) Edit: Wyll is confirmed to be 24! He became a warlock at 17, and his origin intro mentions he was exiled 7 years ago, which means he's 24 during the start of the game.

Halsin, Jaheira's Minthara's and Minsc ages are pretty much confirmed, all being older than the main companions. Minsc is a bit of an odd case, given that he gets frozen in stone(?) Every once in a while so he can come back. Jaheira mentions that he does not mentally process that the world around him changes, he thinks people don't change as a result. Minthara's life experience has been influenced by with her culture, but she also mentions she's been around for a WHILE, same as Halsin. Halsin is not super familiar with city life, which surprised me personally. Druid been around for a while but cities ain't for him.

#headcanons #these are just headcanons #bg3 #bg3 companions #bg3 companions ages

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hoonfever · 1 year

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if your mutuals were to debut in a kpop group, which one would they debut in and what would their positions be?

OH MY GOSH AN ANON HII

umm-

i don't have many moots but here it goes! ALSO THIS IS MY FIRST EVER MOOT GAME OKAY? DONT JUDGE-

@ox1-lovesick - txt

there was no other option. didn't even think with this one, i already knew. TXT FOR SUREEEEEEEE. txt does not have set positions saur idk tbh- BUT! she will literally be an all rounder. SLAYING 24/7 365 😍!! another thing is, everyone will be so suspicious of her and Hueningkai. Like, the whole world will be pretty sure they're already dating, but nobody says anything abt it- I also think she and yeonjun would be besties??? idk their vibes r the same. (how many times have i said idk in this??) (YOURS WAS SO LONG I WAS LITERALY GONNA END IT AFTER 2 SENTENCES BUT I WAS PEER PRESSURED INTO WRITING WHOLE PARAGRAPHS!!)

@lov3niki - IVE

she's got that elegant feel to her, yk? But also elegant in the most trollful way possible💀I think Kim in IVE would make a lot of sense tho. probably a vocalist of some kind ek het nie weet nie- (ik my afrikaans is broken pls-) I think she'd get a long with Leeseo or Yujin- EK HET NIE WEET DIE MEMBERS OF IVE BAIE GOED NIE. Also, I agree with Mia on the fact that Kim and Ni-Ki would get into dating scandals 24/7!!! I do think that it'd be so obvious that they're dating but nobody knows for sure until y'all say anything. (which will probs be never) idk man im not good at this-

@cloudygiggles - loona

easily loona. leah EASILY fits into loona. probably friends with chuu. I see them as a maknae, main vocalist and center! they're a very quiet type but they're also extremely caring and funny. I feel like they'd be the CUTEST MAKNAE OMG. LIKE LITERALLY THE WORD MAKNAE DEFINED IS LEAH. known for playing genshin all the time, even on Vlive. they do not care. they will play genshin. being an idol wont stop them.

@s-shrooms - ITZY

tbh, i really struggled choosing one for Amani. But I ultimately came down to ITZY. I just feel like she'd get along rlly well with Yeji and Lia. She'd probably be a main vocalist and lead dancer! Literally so funny oml. I feel like she'd be known for that, yk? like all her hilarious comments and stuff would literally go so viral like 😍

@park-jihoons - kep1er

idk why but I can see melli in kep1er. i feel she'd be a lead rapper and sub vocalist! I dont rlly stan kep1er so idk who she'd get along with- IM SO SORRY ITS ONLY 2 SENTENCES IDK WHAT ELSE TO ADD‼😞(would be friends with dayeon + yeseo)

@/midnightpoet(my bestie who deactivated) - dreamcatcher

(theirs is going to be the longest paragraph bc ive known them for like, 6 years now)

Midnight just fits that concept. they aren't even gonna see this but ima include them anyways. Midnight would probably make the fans concerned for their mental state (?) I also feel like they'd get in SO MANY DATING SCANDALS! Especially with female idols 😍🤞🏾!!! MOST DEFINITELY a song writer/producer, but positions-wise they're probably a lead rapper bc they can't sing for shit 😋

#~mila's moots!#kim🍁#melli🌸#Leah✨#Amani🌹#Midnight😞🤞🏾#KIMKI STAN #AND MIAKAI #❥ ⭒ moots!#mia🌠

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seerofmike · 1 year

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4, 7, 12, 16, 24, 47

4 is VILLAIN by KDA

hear my voice up in your head/watch it fill you full of dread/till you go pah

im obssed w the gunshot sound she makes its so. Mild LOL

7 is disappearing by theodor bastard which isn't sung in a real language iirc so we're skipping to 8 which is DNA by kendrick lamar

i know murder, conviction, burners, boosters /burglars, ballers, dead, redemption/ scholars, fathers dead with kids and/ i wish i was fed forgiveness

i like his flow here. close contender is when he raps over that one fox news' host's racism and the following verse when he goes off on them but thats too long to include here lol

12 is sound of madness by shinedown !

i'm so sick of this tombstone mentality/if there's an afterlife, then it'll set you free/i'm not gonna part the seas/you're a self-fulfilling prophecy

i dont have a deep reason for liking this aside from just the way its sung lol

16 is red like roses pt II by jeff williams / casey lee williams

ohg. okay so i have 2 different faves they both go hard

this bedtime story ends with misery ever after/the pages are torn and there's no final chapter

and

every nightmare just discloses/it's your blood that's red like roses/and no matter what i do/nothing ever takes the place of you

24 is no save point by run the jewels/yankee and the brave

i used to pray to god but i think he took a vacation/cuz now the state of cali is run by these corporations/the skyscrapers shadow the homeless, the population/the degradation they face should be an abomination

fuck capitalism lol

47 is our solemn hour by within temptation! which. tbh i dont rly have a favorite lyric but i guess ill just pick one

how can you be so blind?/is the heart of stone no empathy inside?

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raamitsu · 2 years

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Mikey is a good character but he is not a good person. I like Takemichy a lot and I understand his desire to save a friend. But, I am often confused when it comes to Mikey state and "dark impulses" I think after I saw Takemichy face got done in it kinda made me feel icky. Idk like he says he doesn't know what right from wrong but it still doesn't excuse him. I don't get what his purpose or why he feels to belong in a gang but I think if anyone were to be put in Takemichy shoes we'd quit real fast because this is too much. If I got beaten all the time damn I'd be a crying mess 24/7 lol. I feel like Mikey is conscious about the choices and isn't afriad to hurt his friends so I never absolve or excuse him from his actions. What do you think?

Well for most part of your statements, I’ve already answered it here. Before I start, I wanna point this out:

“but I think if anyone were to put in Takemichi’s shoes we’d quit real fast because it is too much”

You’re like *insert number*th people on this app that shared the same mindset as I am, along with the seven (including the anon that I linked to you) friends of mine here. This reminds me of that time when a few weeks ago the person I publicly called out [without exposing their name] exposed themselves and reblogged my post with such a disrespectful response, just because I said what you said but with only a slight difference. It makes me wonder, “why can’t these people understand what I was trying to say like you did?” It’s ironically laughable tbh.

If you ask me what do I think about it, I fully agree with you. If any normal human is to be put into Mitchi’s shoes, they would never wanted to face such misery again. I stated this many times: just because you’re capable of helping your friends doesn’t mean you have to endanger yourself. Am I wrong for saying this? Funny because I’ve never said people shouldn’t help their friends when they are at their lowest, but to the point where you realized you can’t help them anymore, like in Mikey’s case, that’s where you should draw the line. I don’t like it when people [especially Mikey stans] divert everyone’s attention into thinking he can’t do no wrong. It does not matter whether Mikey has mental issues or not, it still doesn’t give him free pass to avoid taking accountability for his actions.

And yes of course he’s conscious in every decision he made, as I already stated in the link I provided above. It’s funny because every characters are in their 20s to 30s in the future timeline yet you tell me Mikey can’t think properly when he did all that ? Not to mention kids above 10 years old should have been able to distinguish between good and evil. Before anyone said he has trauma, again - it still doesn’t justify his wrongdoings. What does his trauma had anything to do with his friends or other strangers he met ?

Wakui is good at making us question his character, at least for me. People can love him all they want, I don’t care the slightest, but a sane people wouldn’t just sit around and not pointing out Mikey’s actions, even if you don’t like it. That’s all.

#ur ask has been answered <333 #anon ask : done!#tokyo revengers #apologies for making it longer than usual 😭

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jakexneytiri · 1 year

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My day is going fine. It’s kinda busy again (when is it not lol)

but like I mentioned it’s alright since I fixed up some of my work

I probably won’t be active for another week so my writing is taking FOREVER (hopefully I’ll be able to log on on Thursday)but at least I got to the good part already🤭. I honestly enjoy writing, it helps distract me from life especially since I really need some alone time from my family, they’re driving me insane🥲 It’s kinda suffocating having to be with people who annoy you 24/7(literally🫠).

But anyways, it’s nice to hear that your day is going along well! 💙How’s your job in general, does it suck or is it bearable? And how’s your mental state, I hope you’re feeling well and healthy💕

I know being an adult and having to live life in general can feel hard and it sometimes feels like life is a simulation, just surviving and everyone else is living? Idk how to explain, is that normal lol?

Anyways, hopefully the rest of your day (and week) continues to go well💕

kisses, muah ❤️

-🦋

another WEEK! awwe yes i understand completely. writing is such a nice escape 💖

my job & my metal state are pretty shit tbh LOL but it pays the bills sooo brain gotta suffer

i hope your day is going well!! as well as the rest of your week <3

#🦋 anon <3

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whitechocolatemochaasblog · 2 years

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Hello there! i recently came across your blog and i've noticed that you dont really interact w other blogs? i hope this won't sound too mean but i think that you have a great potential and all but you are just wasting it by not interacting w other blogs.. (again, so sorry if that was too mean)

Helloo!! and no its totally okay because i really dont interact with other people that much (and dont get me wrong please i love all of y'all and the people in this fandom are so frickin sweet💞😩🫶🏻) but the reason i dont usually interact with other people is because of of these things;

1) i think i've said this in another post too but im gonna say it again, i have a life out of the internet and also a VERY busy one. and i dont really have much time to be on this blog since im busy and doing things aalll. daayy. loongg. and ofc you may ask; "well if you really dont have much time, why did you even started a blog??" Well tbh i didn't expected this blog to get attention at all💀 i opened it because my life was really boring so i feel like i needed some entertainment. And since i already like reading fanfics, headcanons, and about other people's oc's especially in the DL fandom, i tought; " oh thats nice, why dont i do that too??" And so here we are 🥹 but as the time started to go by, my life really changed and im pretty much busy 7/24. And when im not, all i do is either watch some movies, going out with a friend, or spend some time in this blog but other than that, im literally ALWAYS busy.

2) im actually not that shy irl but since my english is not that good, i just dont really know what to say most of the times. (But please dont get me wrong i really like talking/ interacting with people in here its just that im kinda awkward when it comes to these things😩)

TW( mentions of p3d0phili3 and mental health stuff(?))

3) i dont really want to talk about this but in the past, i've dealt with so much stuff in the internet at a young age. İt came to a point where even my parents had to be involved in the situation. i had some online friends that affected my mental health, really badly. And i was talking with someone that turned out to be much older than me but i didn't knew that. My parents were warning me about the person and how the person didn't sounded like someone from my age but i didn't believed them because i was at a really bad mental state and i really believed that some random person i was talking with, is more trustworthy than my own parents.

Well thankfully, its been years and im totally fine now but it was traumatizing for me back then.

#admin mona #not dl related

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b0nywh0res · 1 year

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hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!

i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.

L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.

and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.

she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.

she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.

she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.

all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.

#i wish i was thinner #ed vent #just pro for myself #not actually pro anything #eating diary #i want to be small #low cal restriction #ed relapse #weight loss #4na diary #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #tw ed #ed diet

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teddyextrapaw · 10 months

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eidolon’s gender diaries: 7/6/2023

i thought it might be fun to document my medical transition here! i may even show photos of myself when relevant. today was just intake, though, so no need yet.

so. ive known i was trans since i was 11. came out to my entire family and school at 13. and ive been wanting top surgery and HRT the entire time

however i was super mentally unstable in my teen years, trauma, abuse and mental illness made it a hell of a struggle to stay alive. i was drowning and the possibility of testosterone making that worse concerned my mom.

we tried to get me on hormone blockers, but the guy i saw was a transphobic dickwad and deemed me not trans, even tho i thought i was a binary trans man at the time. he said i was just hormonal and sent me to the womens ward to go on birth control

ive been on just that, birth control, for 8-9 years now. my periods cause me severe dysphoria, but honestly it was not even sort of enough to help. it was a bandaid solution to a bigger problem

over the past 13 years of learning and growing and figuring myself out, ive come to love my body and identity the best i possibly can. but as my mental state stabilized yet my dysphoria stayed consistently horrific and disabling, i realized i might have to make the jump and start gender affirming care

it was scary. my dream has always been to be gender non conforming. ideal gender presentation for me is like... beard, makeup, long hair, no boobs and a dress. lol. tho tbh, clothes wise i dress different all the time. but u kno

given the bad experience with the highly acclaimed gender specialist at 16, i was highkey terrified but my experience at the lgbt clinic i went to today was literally insanely positive

first off, my doctor is trans. they are not 100% sure on pronouns yet, but they do not identify with their assigned gender. love it! they are super passionate, kind, and caring. they love to say “beautiful” when they mean “great” (i.e. “do you know about xyz side effect?” “yeah!” “beautiful :D”) and theyre just... so cute lol.

i got my blood drawn for tests on diabetes risk, blood cell count, and testosterone and estrogen levels. i just got it drawn for other health issues recently so thankfully that lessened the amount of bloodwork. i haaate bloodwork.

i also had to sign So much paperwork so my doc is not legally accountable for if i misuse the meds or dont like the results. he wished he could just give me testosterone today but that and the bloodwork needs done first

im a little afraid of the lifestyle changes ill need to make, namely with making sure to exercise more as there is a higher risk of cardiac arrest and similar issues on testosterone but staying in shape can help lessen it. but i think itll be good for my mental health in the long run, and a good motivator

next week i have an appointment where we will do everything and ill get my first prescription of testosterone... shakes like a chihuahua in excitement

also, apparently my insurance is very lax about top surgery and i may be able to get it within the month. at the latest, within the year!!!!!! my bmi/weight does not matter and i got a recommendation of a surgeon i was already impressed with the results of!!! hes done a lot of top surgery for “obese” patients and it all looks amazing

im literally so excited. i honestly thought i might not live to see the day i got to medically transition... but here we are :D i lived!!! i lived bitches!! im 24 and i have a long life to continue!!! and i will be so much happier and my body will feel like MINE!!!!!!!!!

#eidolon gabs #textpost #eidolons gender diaries #transgender #weight mention #bmi mention #fatphobia jic #but they were not fatphobic. not at all

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atiny-piratequeen · 1 year

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Sorry to vent my life frustrations at you - so I am usually a really active person (probably more mentally than physically) anyways I know my biggest flaws are being a workaholic and overacheiver. I will honestly spend a solid 14-16 hours at work 6-7 days a week because I love my job and I thrive in knowing I am one of the best in the country. In my time off I usually study Korean (I teach myself) and I also study crime stuffs. I go surfing, take the dog out or think of better ways to do things at work - tbh betteribg myself at work occupies 99% of my brain. It sounds great but the past week I have been really struggling. I still keep up my work but I find I am only doing 8-10 hour shifts because I feel so mentally tired. Then when I go home I feel like I should be studying or doing something productive so I try to study or cook or clean and I just dont. I lay in bed and read one of your fics or just scroll aimlessly on my phone and then I hate myself afterwards for not doing it. It is like my brain was firing a million miles an hour and suddenly it just doesnt want to 😭😭 and I dont know how to fix myself or how to get my brain to fire back up again 😭

Okay. Whew.

So first, im gonna preface anything im about to say by stating i am not a psychiatrist or therapist, i am in no way qualified to like. Actually go into a full unpack of everything here. Im just some random 25 year old on a blue hellsite but like.

You're gonna work yourself into the ground, fam. 14-16 hour shifts (out of a 24 hour day????) 6-7 days a week is not healthy imo. Its entirely too much of a workload and I'm not sure what your working conditions are (or labor laws, for that matter) thats got you working 7 days at the same place with no break in between-

But thats like. A lot. I understand some people are workaholics, and there's nothing wrong with that, in moderation. Your life should not revolve around your workplace. Your workplace should not, in my merry little opinion, take up so much of your brain space that you have an adverse reaction to having more time off to yourself.

Im kind of worried about you, chief, im not gonna lie. I dont know if you sent this asking for advice (again, im not a professional im just some donut) or just to vent but i truly believe it could do you well to find a way to establish a healthy mentality with time off. You're a person, not a machine, and you dont need to spend every.waking.moment. doing something "productive". Work hard, but know when its time to just relax and recharge your batteries.

Even the best of the best know when its time to kick back and take a rest.

#zie also works 6 days a week and its stresses me the hell out bc I've heard her say the same thing on her day off #that shes not being productive or that shes wasted a day and it's like...rest #you can be work oriented and i respect the hustle but the hustle will also run you into the damn ground if you don't rest lovely #but yea. im not a professional idk #asks #anontiny #long post

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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I took 100 around 5ish cause my grandma came over and I thought I seemed off cause I wasn't being as bubbly as usual. It did help some. I wanted more but it was purely for that purpose and i didn't want to risk them noticing I was high. I also talked out an ongoing problem between me and my best friend. It was really good actually. But we did touch on some shit with differences between how she treats me now and how she was before and it's got me feeling. Hurt. Ngl. Really hurt. So to avoid crying the whole night I'm going to be taking 300-400 so I have a harder time thinking on it

AFTERMATH

I ended up taking 350. Well. 350 cause I'm not counting the 100 I took earlier in the day. That was for the most part nonexistent by the time I got to taking the bulk of it. I was planning on keeping to the lowest amount possible so I started with 150 and took 100 more as I thought it was needed. Though uh. I ended up crying anyway so plan didn't work out amazingly. Just like.. I hate that while her and her girlfriend are happy and they got what they wanted I'm still longing for something I can't have you know? I'm sure she doesn't even miss the days of us talking 24/7 cause she can just fill that with her partner but me? I can't. It's never as fun with anyone else.

Uh. Well I think that should go into notes but. Whatever that's there now lol

Right now I'm feeling kinda lightheaded and loose. I feel like I'm just like. Flopping over the place. And I'm tired. Not super tired but. I could definitely stay in bed all day if I really wanted to. My heart's been a little sore these last few days too actually. It was a lot worse yesterday before I started taking more but now it's not that bad. It's like.. semi hurting now but not really. And uh I dunno how to explain it but like. I feel like it's not like it ain't even beating really. Not to say it should be pounding or anything. I know that ain't great either. But I can't feel it at alllll. I wonder if that means something

Talking is kinda hard. The wittier part of my speaking is lowkey gone for the moment. Everything is a little slower mentally so by the time I think of something it's already onto the next thing. Ig? Prolly not the best description

I am real sleepy and I feel kinda out of it. I'm sure its cause of the jump from my max doses being like 200 lately and just skipping straight to 350. That and I drunk a monster with it so.. doesn't help lmao. I'm gonna be resisting the urge for more for the time being cause this state is really annoying and I don't want to risk going back to sleeping all day and only waking up for more pills

This is a afterthought I wrote the aftermath at around 2ish and it's now 6. I'm still pretty okay with not getting high tonight as the stress of thinking about all that mess and crying had triggered some depersonalization. Well. I call it brain fog.

It's not uncommon for me tbh. Even before I got back to benadryl I did this. Ig it's just my brains way of keeping me from stressing/crying endlessly on shit that won't change. I mean... it works. I can't really think period when I'm like this. I don't know how to describe it.

It's like I'm here in person and I know how to get through all the basic shit I do in a day, but me as a person isn't there. Like. Most conversations I'll have I will pretty much parrot things I'd usually say in that situation. Though it's really hard once it goes outside of shit I've already said or heard about in the past cause thinking up specific responses is really difficult. It takes me a lot longer and requires a lot of focus. So usually I just avoid speaking where I can when I'm like this.

But that being said me being basically a shell of myself for the moment I don't think it'd be a good idea to mix a deliriant into it. I don't hallucinate when I'm on it or anything but it does make thinking harder. So it really wouldn't make any sense to mix my already barely thinking brain with pills that also make it hard to think.

It's been okay today. The brain fog has stopped me from being so upset about how things worked out and my perception of time is gone so today has been breezing by. I kinda want to take a nap tho

NOTES/EMOTIONAL SHIT

Lots of shit just happened all at once. Stepped in dog piss soon as I woke up and discovered that she also shit right next to my bed. This ofc wss after barely getting any sleep. And I also have 4 first degree burns on my lip so that's fun. This is on top of me catching my fucking shirt on fire yesterday. I already wanted to bury myself and cry

It really didn't help that we had company today. I just wanted to get high and sleep but I had to pretend like I was happy and excited. Which led me to take that first dose

Uh now it is. Semi better. I was having some issue with my bsf feeling distant lately but we talked it out and it feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm glad me and her were able to get everything out without it being an argument. It's a real rarity sometimes you know? I feel like for most it has to hit the fan where talking about it is unavoidable and I guess it semi did. But I dunno like. We just casually were talking about stuff and it made me feel really happy.

But even with that being said it did come up how she treats me vs how she did. And she did bring uo that her girlfriend wasn't comfortable with how we were before and it's like. A flip switched for her. I dunno if she says it cause she know she's supposed to or if she means it but either way. It stings a lot. On one hand I'm really happy that she's so upfront and blunt about it now. It makes things a lot less confusing. It still kinda is but. Nowhere near as much. And I love that she just lays it out instead of like. Hopscotching over it like I feel like everyone else does. But seeing how different she treats me and how vocal she is about her girlfriend now being her first choice over me just. Really hurts. I dunno how to word it so she doesn't sound like an ass. Cause she's in the right entirely. And I'm glad as long as she's glad I prefer that she just makes thing black and white as possible. But it just. Really sucks that I got dropped just like that. And I'm sitting here feeling the same way I have for a... looong time now while she's completely moved on from it and calls her girlfriend her wife

It makes me feel really bitter towards her at times. Cause on one hand, its really frustrating that she had to tell her girlfriend that she'd treat her like she treated me. So she KNOWS it was good and she knows we had fun and she's just. That part of our friendship is just gone now for me. I hate it. It makes me so angry. Why couldn't I be enough you know? And why did i get the short end of the stick? Theyre both happy now and im stuck here holding back tears just reminiscing on the past. And it makes me even more frustrated that im just. On my own on that stuff. I can't talk to her about it and I really don't want anyone else in that way. The thought of replacing her is. Nonexistent.

Yeah uh. I dunno. I won't tell her any of this cause she feels guilty enough for retracting her feelings for me after I've already fell for her and shit but. It just. I wish things were different. I want her to be happy but I wish I could be happy as a result of it too. And I feel so horrible at times. There's days i get so jealous I wish that her girlfriend would just. Evaporate. I just want things to be back to how they were. I miss it so much.

There's this small hope that me showing that I won't like. Hate her for this and I continue being just as good of a friend to her as I always have, maybe if someday things don't work out she'll see me. But then it makes me wonder. Am I okay being her second choice? Is that really being the second choice anyway? But I feel bad for even thinking that. I want her to be happy and I know if things go wrong between her and her girlfriend she's gonna be crushed.

i just hate that thought things were mutual and she said it wss. Then completely flipped the script and left me here on my own. This is my very first love and it's just. Wild. That I'm navigating it on my own. And I feel stupid honestly. I've only been on one relationship in my life and I thought that was love cause I was so tore up about it for so long. Tho as i got older i saw more and more that our relationship was nothing but me being emotional support for him. But now that I'm seeing what it actually is I just. I hate it. It felt. Magical. When I thought things would work out in the way I thought it would. But as more and more time goes on I feel like I'm golfing onto something that doeent exist anymore and it makes me feel like an idiot. Why do I keep misreading things this hard? Why am i always left on my own by then end of it? And it makes me not want this sort of thing period. I couldn't imagine how badly I'd hurr off of losing someone that actually did love me in that way but loses the feelings within the relationship. I don't want to experience anything near this hurt again. It's so confusing and I feel so lost

Sigh. I swear. Whenever this whole love shit comes up I ramble so much. It's never fully satisfying. I always feel like I'm not expressing things correctly and it frustrates me so much. I just want to cry and go to sleep. And atp. I'm tired of writing about it. I just don't want to think anymore.

#dph #benadryl #dph addiction #diphenhydramine #vent #trip reports #excessively long

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moemammon · 3 years

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hey !! I've recently discovered your writing and fallen in love !! everything you do is so amazing !!! I love it all!! could you write about how the boys would react to MC getting a little cold/stomach bug and needing to be taken care of ?? if this hits too close to home I'm sorry !! you def don't have to write it but I've always been a sucker for sicfic fluff !!

MC is Sick?! (Feat. The Demon Bros!)

(Tw for illness)

Lucifer

It was universally known that humans were fragile, and prone to illness. Some even died from simple colds. That being said, your little cold was still enough to bother the oldest brother. So much so that his work has been... of a lower quality than usual.

This dude is all disheveled and haggard because he's so worried over you, but that doesn't mean he's skimping on your care.

It's a surprise to everyone that he keeps you in his room, where he can monitor you and make sure you have everything you need. Might even cheat a little with magic from time to time, as long as it speeds up your recovery.

He's also making sure you're comfortable and at ease, often putting on a soothing record to lull you to sleep. In reality, he might also be using it to de-stress, too-

"To think you ended up like this while in my care... I should have paid closer attention to you. But now, you're my entire focus. Leave your recovery to me."

Mammon

You've been sneezing, coughing, and vomiting all over the place! This is some kinda human illness, right?? aRE YOU OKAY-

Proceeds to go OVERBOARD with the care. You're wrapped in twenty blankets, you've got an ice pack on your head and a thermometer in your mouth (the kind used in cooking because they don't own a normal thermometer), and he's gathered every medicine he could get his hands on

But once he calms down, he's actually pretty good at caring for you. Mammon isn't COMPLETELY useless when it comes to caregiving, so that's a plus. He's just especially worried because it's you.

Refuses to leave your side, and won't let you leave your room. If you need anything, he's just going to get it for you! He's also barring his brothers form entering, claiming that he's trying to keep them from getting sick.

"Who told ya to go out and get sick, huh?! Makin' me all worried and stuff... Guess I've got no choice but to take care of ya! I'm not leavin' your side, ya hear??"

Levi

Levi's literally been dreaming of a scenario where he’d be able to nurse you back to health. Uh, not that he wanted you to get sick, though!

He's always wanted to do the 'pressing your foreheads together to check your temp' thing.... And 100% own a nurse cosplay that he's tempted to wear

But it's a little hard for him to focus on his fantasies when you look so pitiful. He's got to make sure you're back to full health ASAP! There's a marathon you two need to binge, and he doesn't want you throwing up every five seconds!

He'll take you to his room, since he'll be able to take care of you 24/7. And tbh?? He actually does a decent job?? He's a little annoying about it because he keeps checking on you every three seconds and talking to you when you're trying to sleep, but he means well.

"If only the 'Kira Kira Curing Beam' was a real thing.... For now, I'll just do my best with what I've got! Ganbare, MC!! Faito! Faitoooo!!!!"

Satan

The first one to notice that you're getting sick, so he's on it 👌

Obviously he's read enough to know the basics of taking care of a sick human, and he can study anything else he doesn't know, so you're in good hands.

Also EXTREMELY worried. It's written all over his face, despite his attempts to keep it cool. He's read how humans can succumb to things like this....Actually, he just finished a novel where that was essentially the main plot-!

So gentle with you throughout the entire process. He makes sure to keep you warm, brings you all the essentials, makes sure you're hydrated, and keeps tabs on your medicine. He's got a schedule for your care and everything!

"Honestly, you should have told me sooner that you weren't feeling well. It's fine to come to me for things like that, you know? I'll always be happy to take care of you."

Asmo

Snot, phlegm, AND vomit??? Yeah,,,, that's a hard pass,,,,

It's taking every ounce of his mental strength not to abandon you in your time of need, but thankfully his love for you is greater than the disgust for now

But his dramatic ass is gonna come into your room in full hazmat when he takes care of you, no exceptions. Even if you ask him to bring you a glass of water, he's acting like you have the plague.

But he's also pretty good at taking care of you? Even demons get sick, and Asmo has a tendency to get pretty intimate with wide varieties of demons, so he's had his fair share of sick days.

"How am I supposed to hug and kiss you if you're so sick?? It's killing me, MC! Though, they say you can sweat an illness out of your body if you try hard enough. I think I know plenty of ways to work up a sweat~"

Beel

Now is no time to think about how hungry he is becaUSE HES WORRIED ABOUT YOU

Beel isn't the type to really know much about humans, other than stuff about their food and how weak they are, so he's pretty much assuming you're going to die.

Literally won't leave your side. If you need anything, he brings it. If you need to go somewhere, he's carrying you.

He doesn't know how to care for you, so he asks his brothers for all the help he can get. Though he insists on personally bringing you the remedies they give him.

"Hang in there, MC. You should eat more to build up your strength. I know you can't keep anything down, so I asked Satan to make something good. Here, it's soup. I'll blow it off for you, so open wide."

Belphie

Honestly, he thought you were just taking a REALLY long nap. You hadn't left your room at all, and you didn't even go to RAD. He was lowkey jealous that Lucifer didn't scold you until he realized it was because you were sick.

And very sick from the looks of it. There were tissues everywhere, your room was hot, and you looked like you'd been dropped in a lake, fished back out, then beaten up and thrown back in.

He couldn't even tease you when you were in such a pitiful state. Belphie had seen illness plenty of times, so this wasn't anything new. It didn't ease his worries, though.

So he keeps you company by curling up in bed with you, not caring if he's close enough that he might get sick. He's not the best at actually caring for you, because he tends to forget to bring you things or falls asleep on the way, so he leaves that to his brothers.

"You must be lonely, being holed up in your room all alone. It can't be helped, so I'll stay with you until you're feeling better. Just don't get your snot on me, okay? ....heheh, I'm just joking. Come here."

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