#my mindset is becoming more and more do shit that's fun and worry about the other stuff later

[thedevotionaltour]

in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️

#can someone also get him better inkers rn i am begging. pleading even. HE MAKES GOOD STUFF THEY JUST GIVE HIM SHIT INKERS WHO DONT GET IT. #MY FIRM BELIEF. im sorry. i like his stuff. there are certain things not quite my taste but i think he does good overall im a fan. BE NICE #static.soundz #sorry that last post was so directly inspired by seeing someone go can u guys be nice he is on a fucking nutbag schedule. which he is. #i dont think some people understand the insanity of comic production. and how much it takes a toll on you. #many have said and i will say it too: comics is a killing industry. it is a beautiful fun job. it is fulfilling. it will also destroy you. #the most common and easiest to use example is in fact the manga industry. they want chapters in a week. 20 page type chapters in a week. #A WEEK!!! and currently look at things like webtoon as well which also expect the same amount of pages. in a week. an issue in a week #is an insane demand. it is an unreasonable demand. it is scheduling that leads you to a crash and burnout and health issues #because it is fully finished polished pages. as much as i poke and complain about how some things look there #i am also highly aware of production schedules. even if some styles are not my taste that still doesnt mean it isnt insane work #and it's the same in american big industry comics too. it isnt weekly demand the way those are. but it's still an intense schedule #you are working on pages and can get behind years before those comics even hit shelves. #and as it becomes more individualized too as we lose the team element and work becomes more one person doing all pencils and inks #that schedule is a lot. it just is. it doesnt matter if theres more time in comparison to other parts of the industry #the point is that it is all very demanding and exploitative. there is a drive yourself to your grave mentality here and i've had ppl try #to shove that mindset onto my and my peers which is the worst thing possible to encourage. highly alarming and disheartening to encourage #impressionable students already so worried about making it to drive themselves to an early grave. abuse substances to get through work. #work excessive hours while you still can because when you hit your 30s youre gonna lose that ability #become bitter and prepared for rejection as opposed to success because this industry sucks! #it's just such an unhealthy depressing mindset. i've had more artists preach the exact opposite as that and more ppl have been trying to #shift over to valuing your time and health. but still a lot of people are in that other mentality. and it's very very very sad. #i am only a student doing very low stakes homework for classes. i have no industry experience. and i still get it taken out of me #to do fully fledged out pages in my style in one week. this is also just a thing for me bc certain personal factors just make it hard #but still. comics are fun. they are fun. they are fulfilling. they will lead you to so many fucking issues if you are not highly careful #there is a reason why so so so many fucking comic artists have very well known issues. why you hear about so many ppl with substance issues #artists with very poor mental health. when you are in comics this is how it is. #i am glad there has been a big shift in recent years towards taking care of yourself as an artist. and that more ppl try to value it so tha #things can hopefully change at large in a broader sense. but please remember. we are an exploited chew up spit out industry too.

[chubs-deuce]

Hello!!! Love love LOVE your Charlastor and Hazbin artwork; your art is amazing!!

I have a feww questions if you’re comfortable with answering them (no worries if not) :D

I love hearing people’s music recommendations, so I was wondering if you listen to music whilst you draw and if there’s any songs in particular that make you think of the characters and/or the ship?

Also, I get a bit nervous posting about Charlastor because of some of the hate it gets in the fandom and because some of my irl classmates who follow me don’t like the ship (and don’t know I like it), so I was wondering what your general mindset is when you post your art online, but also what your mindset is like when posting Charlastor art, knowing what the fandom can be like?

Finallyy, I wanted to ask if you’ve read Under My Skin by whamagram on AO3 and if you have, what are your thoughts on it? It’s a mature slowburn Radiobelle fic and only has a few chapters out so far, but it’s updated pretty regularly and has become my new favourite at the moment! I highly highly recommend it because it’s super well-written, really witty, and really understands the characters. It’s all about Charlie nursing Alastor back to health after the final battle in season 1 and it’s just so well done!!

Again, just want to say that I really really love your work and thank you for sharing it! I especially love how you draw expressions and the way you draw characters and their emotions feels so real. Seeing your illustrations inspires me to keep practicing with my own art!

Omg thank you so much for this lovely ask?!!

I'd be more than happy to answer all of these actually! :D

I am, in fact, the kind of person who looooves finding songs that fit certain characters or ships and make whole playlists over time if I find enough of them, so here's some that made me think of Charlastor (links are all spotify):

- Glass Piano, by Kathleen

- Daisy Bell, and specifically this scuffed computer sung version bc it hits better

- bored like me, by dodie

- Ended with the Night, by Caravan Palace

- I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire, by The Ink Spots

- I Can't Decide, by Scissor Sisters

I have yet to really find more songs specific to the characters as individuals tho lol

----------

As for your next question...

This isn't my first rodeo in the unpopular non-canon het presenting ship club, so there's a few things I like to remind myself of when I feel that people pleaser anxiety sneaking up on me:

1)

if people truly wanted to avoid content of the ship, they'd block the tags. Maybe kindly ask your friend to block the charlastor and radiobelle tags bc you want to post about them? This way they're not forced to see what they dislike and you get to have your harmless fun. If they're opposed to this, question why. It's not your job to curate *their* online experience, they do have all the necessary tools at their disposal.

2)

I consider the source material like a toy box. You can play with the dolls in it like the packaging intended for you to, but there's no rules dictating that you can't play *your* way if that's more fun to you.

Canon is in my eyes the preferred suggestion, but not the law - don't we all just smush the heads of dolls together making kissy noises in our minds at the end of the day?

A lot of people sadly treat shipping like it's a battle for author validation, when in reality it was always just a way to playing with hypotheticals and exploring the world and characters canon offered us in new and interesting ways... I hate the attitude some people have about canonicity. Imo, as long as you're not acting like your non-canon ship should be canon and shit on other ships in the process, you're not doing any harm.

Now... Canon sexualities and having contrary headcanons are a tricky road to travel because there's so much emotional investment in the canon representation of often overlooked or mishandled minority groups, and this is the biggest anti argument I've seen get thrown around, since Charlastor as a ship not only splits up the canon lesbian pairing, but also alters Alastor's canon sexuality to make the ship work.

What's important here is that you handle it respectfully - i.e. don't be a dick and go around acting like your preferred ideas are better and should be canon or whatever. Attitude is important, respect canon for what it is and embrace the fact that your ship is not. It's not a detriment! It just means we have to make all of our own content lol.

I personally headcanon Alastor as demisexual/demiromantic not only because it still fits under the aspec umbrella, but also because I myself am both of those things and enjoy messing with the characters and narrative using a dynamic I have a lot of personal experience with! It's fun to hit someone as haughty and stubbornly emotionally detached as Alastor with a flurry of unexpected, unwanted feelings and struggling to navigate them.

Do I want that to be canon? Absolutely not! I'm just having fun with my imaginative toys in my own corner of the internet lol.

Also for the record, I think Chaggie is cute and they should absolutely stay together, I just don't find them interesting enough to explore further in the realm of fanfiction and art :'D

Ultimately I'm a strong believer of "I can post whatever I want forever", if anyone has an issue with it and the given tools at their disposal aren't enough to deal with it, they're free to unfollow and/or block me! I don't need anyone's approval to have harmless fun with my artistic and writing skills where I don't bother anyone, and that's imo always what should be at the core of creating just about anything.

----------

OH ALSO I KNOW THAT FIC AND IT'S SOO GOOODDDD I DROP EVERYTHING TO GO READ IT WHENEVER A NEW CHAPTER DROPS

I try my best to leave comments under it wherever I can too bc it genuinely scratches like every itch I have about this ship so well-

The comedy is on point, the dialogue feels so solidly in-character and the pacing and the overall concept just work perfectly!!

10/10 concur as a great recommendation lol

----------

QWQ again, thank you so much for taking the time to type out this lovely ask, I really do appreciate it and the compliments also absolutely made my day!!

I hope you keep having as much fun with this ship as I am, take care!! <3

#chubs answers #charlastor #radiobelle #long post

[athena-swords]

pick a card

genot gonna give any disclaimer 

YOUR 2023 IN A NUTSHELL

PICK YOUR PILE

   PILE 1

HEY my pile 1 the messages I am getting for you for the year 2023 are

getting your mental health on check

achieving perfection in your some hobby/talents

lots of stuff will keep you on your toes but at the it will make you feel alive

doing your own shit without caring about what others might say (lowkey getting u were always like that but somthing might have happened to change you a bit)

yes MOVING ON like shifting place ideas or just ya mindsets and having  the will or passion for life you always wanted

could go to foreign like it will be very unpredictable like clearing some competition or something you never thought of happening

at last all your efforts will pay off you will be satisfied with the results the destiny you have for you ohh .ENJOY 

PILE 2

HII pile 2 you might wanna check pile 1 too as you are too gonna have a blast this upcomiing year

 you are never too young to try your hands on things you wanna learn about  so do give it a try as it can open some  good fortune for you

well you gives might be starting a new course or perhaps job?? or might re join school

might have problem choosing /or taking the decision  as all of them will be too good 

may feel that the more you want clarity the more you are getting confused. So, just go with the flow that could be the best thing you could do for the time being.

could get on talking stage with someone

as you will start achieving  stuffs you will get the lost confidence back and will feel a huge sense of completion as well I am seeing you getting rewarded. CONGRTULATIONS enjoy the read

PILE 3

HELLO pile 3 you might meet a psychopath who might become your good friend

will be attending lots of celebration or events or hosting them heard you will sleep less this year dont worry it all fun but try to balance it

making your mother proud. you can get to know about your ancestors and will be doing research about  something

starting AFRESH pile 3 are you joining a new school or starting your collage years feels like that 

leave old residence moving on

could get less than you expected from something or someone

BUT you are gonna have the time of your life innit like I am seeing you experiencing  all sorts of stuffs you wanted to .stepping into the adult life

PILE 4

heyy pile 4 you might have been a empty shell for  quite a bit ig

so yaa this year will bring you out of your shell bestie is gonna drag you out of your space

can suffer from chronical depression but it will also give time for some self reflection

dont beat yourself up for past mistakes and  gone opportunity  there is always a reason - a message form your spirit team

lots of inner  child healing. you will be trying your hands on a new stuff

will be getting attention from many. AND to brighten up yourself

there will be a new romantic suiter entry in your life. you will make new friends too

okay it will be so wonderful if you try to give feedbacks take this as new year present 

#tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarotb #Psychic #intuitive readings #astrology #pick and choose #pick a card #pick a pile #athena-swords #Athena 🐚

[monstersinthecosmos]

I was asked in that Fanfic Writer Asks thing 💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing? and I wanted to break it out into its own space.

The No. 1 Most Impactful Lesson is Write What You Want to Read

But I do want to speak about this for a minute because like everything important that I know about writing ALWAYS comes back to this idea, and there's two main points I want to make about it.

Your "VOICE" is about your taste and your ideas more than it is about your technical skill, language, and structure.

People I think stress about "voice" thinking that they need to develop their language and prose and rhythm and all the flowery poetry. I don't think it matters, personally. I think if you have an idea, the idea itself is the thing that drives the story.

Fanfic is awesome to use to learn how to write because it's accessible to everyone, and you get such a wide sampling of skill in one place. And sometimes you can see a really atrocious fic and it kinda teaches you what not to do, and helps you understand what you do or don't like as a reader, but sometimes you also see the good idea peeking through and you can enjoy it anyway. There are fics I ADORE that are so sloppily written, break all the rules, formatted like shit LOL, and I'm still HERE FOR IT because the author had such great ideas.

I'm sure anyone who's learned a second language had learned this, but, I remember when I was studying abroad that the college president welcomed us to the program and gave us this huge pep talk about how like, when you're out in the world speaking a second language, your grammar isn't important. If you can COMMUNICATE, that's what's important. If you can point to the apple you want to buy and say "Apple buy", the person will understand what you're trying to say.

So I think of writing that way, too. Your ideas are more important than your technical skill. Share the ideas. Keep sharing the ideas. The skill will follow when you're putting the time in.

2. Writing for fun is just as valuable as writing for work.

I took a long break from fanfic writing in my 20s because I kinda thought I'd "moved on" and that it had been my teenager hobby. And I had gone to college for photography and becoming a professional photographer really killed a lot of my passion for the art. College really brainwashed me into thinking creativity is a waste of time if it's not monetized, so even though I always enjoyed writing, I spent a few years being hard on myself and thinking it was stupid to waste time on writing fic because I couldn't sell it.

And that's such bullshit?

Because the truth is that, by telling myself "Don't write stuff you can't sell" I just wound up not writing anything at all?

And writing is like, my lil thing that that I do for fun. I can do it for fun. It feels good. It's the space I've made to be creative where I specifically don't have to worry about money, and I value it so fucking much.

I'm sure there are other people who bypassed this life lesson by NOT falling into a capitalist trap LOL but if I can share that, to help others avoid it, I will!

Write what you want to read, because it's fun, because you want to! Because you have good taste and that's your voice! You can be confident and stand up and say "I think this idea is cool so I'm going to share it with you!"

Trust yourself and your taste!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stress about the technical stuff, it will follow!

(Bonus point #3 is bonus because it's a little more about technical stuff but if you start thinking about write what you want to read WHEN YOU READ it really helps inform how you think about your story structure and pacing. Like when I get stuck on a pacing thing I'm always thinking "Would this bore me if I were reading it? Would I want to be slow burned? Would I want more time spent on this payoff?" etc. I think that shift in mindset really helps when it comes to your story structure!!!!!!!!!!!)

#sdgjkas thank you to my mother anne rice for teaching me this lesson lol #writing advice

[agentnico]

The Afterparty - Season 2 (2023) Review

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) "Sir, there has been a murdah, and you are a suspect." Michael Scott from The Office would fit so well into one of these murder mysteries, I tell ya.

Plot: When Zoe's sister's wedding weekend is destroyed by a murder, Aniq calls his old friend, Danner, to investigate the crime. The two proceed to interview the suspects, each telling their story in the style of a different movie genre.

Once again, there has been another murder, and yet again Hercule Poirot is busy elsewhere in Venice dealing with death and ghosts apparently, so we are left in the capable hands of the Haddish to discover the murderer. It's another whodunnit, and ever since Rian Johnson reignited the excitement of the genre in 2019's Knives Out, I've been eagerly anticipating these murders. I sound like a psycho stating I'm excited about murders, so I must emphasize I mean fictional ones. Then again, what if I'm not and have now become the prime suspect in my own murder mystery! Regardless, The Afterparty returns for a second season to Apple TV+, and though at first I expected only Tiffany Haddish's detective to transition from the first outing in the style of a Holmes or Miss Marple, we actually also see the return of Sam Richardson's Aniq and Zoë Chao Zoe as the charming yet awkward couple, and Richardson especially stood out last time with his comedic timing so was lovely to see him return.

Otherwise, it's a whole new fresh set of characters and suspects, and look, if there's one thing murder mysteries these days are good at, it's getting flashy actors to be in them. The entire roster is great here, from the disarmingly charming John Cho who's truly blossomed into a wondrous flower compared to his days smoking the greens and traveling to White Castle with his friend Kumar; to Anna Konkle as a socially awkward quirky sister of the groom; to Ken Jeong being surprisingly delightful and adorable and the loving father of the bride, and very different to Jeong's more madder unhinged performances in Community and The Hangover movies; to Paul Walter Hauser as the ex-boyfriend who by the way is absolutely hysterical in this, especially with the physical comedy, but those who recall seeing Hauser in 2017's I, Tonya as he inept doofus of a bodyguard should not be surprised by this. It's a great cast and was fun watching all of them. My good friend though has made it super clear to me that he has a vengeful hatred for Jack Whitehall, and as such as I enjoyed the weekly new episode releases of The Afterparty, I also had the pleasure of receiving by message weekly dosages of my friend's commentary which primarily involved comments such as "I do worry that Jack Whitehall will ruin it" and "is Jack Whitehall shit in every scene he's in??" to "Jack Whitehall is not a handsome guy" and also "I think I just hate Jack Whitehall" and finally "I think Jack Whitehall might be one of the only people I hate". All I'm saying is that if Jack Whitehall gets murdered out of the blue, we know who our No 1 suspect would be.

The second season also dials up a notch its concept of mind movies, in which each suspect tells their story using a certain unique movie genre. On top of playing with elements like cinematography, music, and sound, The Afterparty Season 2 also immerses us further in each character's mindset with more exaggerated costuming, hair and makeup, and production design choices. Season 1's characters wore the same costumes in every mind movie, and the sets and props remained constant as well. Here, they switch depending on whose point of view we're watching. An especially hilarious film noir episode dresses characters in sleek suits and fedoras, while the Jane Austen episode sees characters exchanging lavish, handwritten letters while wearing elaborate gowns. Elsewhere, an inspired Wes Anderson-themed installment takes painstaking efforts to evoke the filmmaker's signature style across the board. Additionally, we also get some campy horror and 80s soap opera parts in there too.

As for who was the murderer this season? No spoilers, but I'd say it was a good choice, however, the show had plenty of red herrings thrown in throughout they really could have gone for any one of the suspects and it would have made sense. Feel like they could have maybe thrown an extra clue in there to guide us more specifically to the truth, but maybe I am just sore cause I did not guess the killer. I'm usually really good at predicting this stuff, so this is a damper on my own ego.

I really enjoyed this season of The Afterparty, and though I believe it suffered from a bit of a slow start in the beginning, it became a very delightful weekly load of entertainment, that is also really funny. Also, they revamped Haddish's detective with more layers this time around and she gets another backstory episode this season that added an extra load of flair and panache to her character which I believe lacked the previous season. As it stands, very much looking forward to a potential third season, and seeing where else Phil Lord and Chris Miller will take this funky humouristic little murder mystery next, as in a market that is now really saturated with the whodunnit genre, The Afterparty still manages to stand out with its own distinct flavour.

Overall score: 7/10

#the afterparty #apple tv+ #streaming #tv series #tv show #tiffany haddish #sam richardson #zoe chao #phil lord #christopher miller #2023 #2023 in tv #murder mystery #comedy #paul walter hauser #john cho #jack whitehall #elizabeth perkins #anna konkle #zach woods #ken jeong #vivian wu #the afterparty season 2 #the afterparty season 2 review #mystery #whodunnit

[merriclo]

hey clo? do you have any tips for high school? starting in a week n a half and oh god am i unprepared

-🪱

oh shit yeah absolutely!! i’m a senior currently so i’ve got a few tips n tricks n such. i wrote a lot lmao my bad. have a good year worm it’s not as scary as it seems, it’s just middle school in a new font

if you have a teacher you fucking despise, pretend like you’re watching a demented puppet show, or a nature documentary, or whatever else. if you switch your mindset and start seeing it as watching the court jester fool around, it all becomes fucking hilarious instead of infuriating.

if you’re struggling literally just ask the teacher. if you’re too nervous to do so in class, ask before or after. i’ve even asked in the morning just before school started. no, it won’t make you look dumb. if anything they’ll appreciate your dedication to understanding the material

smile at teachers in the hall, tell em to have a good day when you leave, etc. you’ll be shocked how far simple niceties go when it comes to teachers

don’t worry about eating alone at lunch. literally no one is gonna look at you and go “ew what a lonely loser” they literally do not care. so many people just chill by themselves and it’s fine. i’ve eaten alone for at least one of my lunch periods every single year and it’s kind of a blast. use it to read, watch something, do homework, play a game, study, draw, whatever tf you’d like. your school also might have a thing where you can sign up to eat in the library, which is wonderful.

ok idk if this is just where i live but don’t do drugs, there’s a chance it’s laced with something lethal. also just stay away from drugs in general.

also also if you’re gonna drink, do it responsibly. don’t drink if you’re not 100% sure you’re somewhere safe (aka not a party, especially for the first time)

you don’t need that many folders. honestly i’ve had the same two since freshman year and i’ve been fine, and the classes i take give a shit ton of notes

speaking of notes, if they’re not in a notebook keep them in chronological order!!!!! it’ll make it so much easier to reference later on (especially for math and history). i recommend getting a three ring binder for this

not to sound like a hoarder but don’t throw worksheets or notes away, even after the school year is done. the amount of times i’ve looked back on previous notes or given those notes to my underclassmen friends is insane

if you’re approached romantically by anyone who’s a junior or a senior while you’re a freshman run for the hills. there’s a reason no one in their grade wants to date them, and you don’t want to figure that reason out

wear both backpack straps please. it’s so much better for your back.

if you like to doodle get a pack of index cards. you won’t draw on your notes or worksheets (as much) and you can easily hide it by slipping it under the paper, plus then all of your drawings will be kept together !!

if you’re gonna get into a fight don’t do it on school property

compliment people. people started talking significantly less shit about me when i kept telling them that they were pretty

if you look engaged in the lesson teachers will LOVE you (and will be more likely to write a banging recommendation letter, if you need it)

when in the halls, KEEP WALKING. don’t stop in the middle of the hallways pls i beg of you. and, if you’re able to, walk sort of fast. there’s places to be, thing to do.

even if you don’t use them, keep a few pads or tampons in your bag

don’t skip or be intentionally late, it’s not fun or cool or whatever you’re just gonna end up tanking your own grade or getting in trouble

while you’re getting used to your schedule, get an index card or something and write out the classes in order of your first period to your last period (with the room number!!) and keep it in your pocket to quickly look at while switching classes

you remember the “hot cheeto girl” trend from a while ago?? yeah those girls are always the nicest motherfuckers on the planet. be nice to them, compliment them, give them a pencil when they need it or something, and they will defend you until they die. once i fixed a girl’s necklace and she ripped a guy a new one for insulting me

basically just be friendly and it’ll pay off lmao

saying this as someone who was bullied: some people are bullied for a reason!! this might just be bc my school has mostly black students, but if they’re outcasted from everyone (including other odd, alternative, or bullied kids) it’s because they’re a bigot or something

don’t go around ignoring every shy kid tho often times they’re very very sweet

if your school has vending machines bring some change. there’s no thirst like middle of the school day thirst, and i wouldn’t trust the water fountains

bring a snack !! teachers see me munching on granola bars before school starts all the time and don’t say shit

dress how ya want, it’ll attract the people you want to be friends with

you can ask for due date extensions. more often than not they’ll appreciate you caring enough to ask

popularity doesn’t exist lmao

you’re not gonna be able to avoid drama, it’s high school. just stick to your morals, don’t let bitches push you around, and remember it’s probably not gonna be that deep in a few years.

if you ever feel like life sucks: yeah. because you’re like 15 years old and in high school. you’re gonna have a weird fucking time and it’s gonna exhausting but you’ll make it out the other side still breathing. everyone around you is just as miserable and doesn’t want to be there, you’re not alone in feeling like shit. because, again, it’s high school.

JACKETS. WEAR THEM. ITS CHILLY.

bring deodorant. i don’t care if you put in on in the morning, you’re gonna be in a small classroom with 20-30 other kids for pretty much the entire day. sometimes you’re gonna need to reapply and it’ll be fine. no one’s gonna judge you for putting it on. make sure you smell fine.

dances ain’t that cool it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get asked out to one. if you want to go to one just go with friends.

clubs are cool!! they’re a way to get out there and actually meet people with common interests

lots of worksheets are online

it really ain’t that scary don’t worry hun

if you wear makeup, use it as a conversation starter i’m being fr. i met my best friend by complimenting their lipstick and saying i can never find one that doesn’t crease super badly, and we ended up talking abt makeup n shit for like fifteen minutes. if you don’t wear makeup, this can probably be applied for most other things

khan academy, organic chemistry teacher, cararra, flipping physics, the princeton review, crash course, and heimler’s history are good tools to use!!!

wifi is often dogshit, bring a book or something to do when you have free time so you’re not sitting there staring off into the distance. sometimes they have an internet block thing on the school wifi, so having a VPN could come in handy

if you have a free period or a study hall or whatever i find most teachers don’t give a flying fuck if you bring a DS or something. in fact several of mine have gotten excited when they see me playing old zelda games after class

overall it’s gonna be fine. high school is fucked but it’s also home to some of the funniest things you’ll ever witness. don’t be nervous you’ll do great

#ALSO YOURE A FRESHMAN !??? #wait ok idk if ur school system does the 6-9th grade then 10-12th grade thing #HAVE A GOOD YEAR !!!! #ohhh jeez you’re just now entering high school and i’m gonna graduate this year. #holy fuck wait you know that joke where seniors will adopt freshmen they think are cool #are you my adopted freshmen. you are now #/lh #fr tho don’t stress it’ll be ok #you ask clo answers #worm anon

[maiverie]

hihi! im kinda young (14 turning 15 in aug!) and i saw that another anon asked for your help on creating a blog .. i kind of need help too 😭😭 do you have any tips on writing? i wanna start a blog but have no experience in writing like AT ALL. except for maybe writing essays for eng or having to create comfort texts for friends because erm therapist friend here☝️

hiiii omg im so sorry for the late reply HAHA but firstly happy early birthday for august!!! plsss I'd be so happy to help! here's my reply to the other post on setting up your blog :>

as for writing tips,,,, um bro honestly idk if I'm the best person to answer ur question but here are some of my personal thoughts!! also comfort friend so real DONT GET BURNT OUT THO 😭

—(long post below)

disclaimer: I am obviously not the best most amazing writer, so these are just my personal thoughts !!! I'm sure there are other users out there with better insights !!!

when I started writing I was like really really really shit like PROPER shit it's actually fucking embarrassing reading back to it 💀 but idk sometimes it's just fun to look back and see all the improvements I've made along the way — for you, it might be that way too. you might feel like it's shit to begin but honestly the more you write, the easier it becomes and naturally you'll improve ! so I think the best mindset to have when you start is to just try, and be okay with the fact that it will obviously not be your best work and you'll just get better and better and better!

here are some writing tips I've previously written - I'll reiterate some of the points there but maybe give it a read and see if it helps?

I think it's easiest to start with one idea and use it as a seed — just let ideas slowly grow from it; keep adding little details and details until it sprouts into a big tree! for example, you can pick a trope that you really like (maybe something you've read before in someone else's fic, or something you've seen in movies/tv shows/books) and then pick a member from whichever group you want to write for (I'm assuming enhypen since you're on my blog) and just write!! for example, you can pick enemies to lovers and then be like hmmm I really want to do jay and enemies to lovers! from there, you can think about the smaller details: why are they enemies (plot)? what do enemies say to each other (dialogue)? where are they when they say these things (setting)?

I think it's easier to write the kind of things that you like to read! so if you really like one shots, write a one shot. if you like smaus, write an smau. if you like headcanons, do the same! stick to whatever you've seen before because then it'll feel a little less daunting! personally, I used to read a lot of like stupid little romcoms growing up and so that's just naturally what I kind of write now ^^ you'll notice that everyone has different taste; so you might see someone's writing and be like "wow it's really good!" and people might disagree with you — in saying that, don't try to please everyone and just write whatever u like ^^ you'll attract people who personally gravitate toward your writing !

tbh, fic writing is nowhere near the same calibre of actual book writing so I wouldn't fret too much about designing a really intricate plot with like fully-fleshed characters because nobody really does that anymore (at least not on blr? i think that's more common on wattpad where people have like 20+ chapters ya feel) — I think just write what makes you happy! If it's about your bias + a trope you like then ezz that's all u need to do hdfshsdh

there are people who like to fully plan out fics and there are people that just wing it — I'm sure you'll find your style, but don't feel worried if you can't seem to brainstorm anything! I think it's easier to just start, and then think about that could happen next. maybe you can start a story with dialogue and then just continue on with the conversation !!

when you're writing scenes, think about setting and characters — for example, think about how they feel, how they react to another character’s dialogue, how they physically react to someone's touch, how cold or hot the weather is, where they're standing/sitting and what their surroundings look like, what time it is, etc. etc. obviously don't include everything (especially the irrelevant stuff) but my point is that there are so many different directions you can go!

here are some other tips I can think of:

read your dialogue out loud and think to yourself, "would someone actually say this?" also, make sure only one person speaks per paragraph so it's less confusing

use a thesaurus sparingly — try not to use convoluted language bc I'd say people who read your work are going to be around the same age as you and idk it's just a lil weird if you're using random words that nobody really uses irl

pay attention to your grammar/syntax — make sure some sentences don't run too long and that when you read it out loud, it makes sense!

also spell-check HSDHDS BUT HONESTLY MY FICS ARE RIDDLED W TYPOS LIKE IT DOESNT RLLY MATTER TBH.. SO LONG AS ITS NOT HORRIBLE?? UHH

treat your characters like real people and think about what they say/do and if it's something in or out of character!! in saying that, give them motivations and fears and all the juicy stuff that real humans have — if you care about writing a story that people will remember, then I think it'd be great if you could write memorable characters by fleshing them out and making them lovable or hate-able(?) or relatable.

make sure scenes flow from one to the other — it's the same as you do with your eng essays! you make sure you're not talking about one thing before quickly jumping to the next. I think you can apply the same logic to writing fiction :))

honestly it's hard to give tips because I'm not sure what type of stories you want to write and what direction you're going for, so I'm really sorry if my tips were a little too generalised!! but if I'm gna be like so so so so fr right now, I honestly think writing for enhablr can be easy/simple — my tl;dr is that you should just pick a member + easy trope + make sure you have a mildly interestingly plot and once you add in decent grammar, you'll probably do really great! I don't mean this in a bad way, I just think ff writing doesn't have to be too difficult because most people just want to read about and imagine their bias in situations they'll never be able to see irl (its kinda the whole point of ff)!! I don't think people think much about fics beyond that !! this is all just for fun!!! so I really hope u have fun writing!!! lmk what u end up working on ^^

I hope this helps; idk if it did 😭 but lmk if u need any more clarification 😭💖

#ask #@ : anon ♡︎ #questions about

[biglisbonnews]

Bella and Dani Thorne Announce 'Twisted Sisters' Podcast Have you ever had a cathartic talk with someone that you wish you recorded? Or maybe you think your conversations with your best friend deserve a wider audience? For famous sisters Bella and Dani Thorne, that dream is becoming a reality.Today, the duo announces Twisted Sisters, a new weekly series that will give listeners a chance to hear the two give an unfiltered and unadulterated glimpse into relationships, drama, pop culture and more. Unlike the standard podcast format, everything is done live. The inseparable duo will be able to take calls and read the chat, making the show just as much about the listeners as it is about them. Produced by Wheelhouse DNA, Twisted Sisters will air live every Wednesday from 6 to 7 PM PST via Amazon's Amp, an app that allows for anyone to DJ and host their own live shows with just their phones. Bella is best known for her role as CeCe Jones in Disney Channel's Shake It Up, starring in feature films such as The DUFF and Infamous and making her directorial debut in 2019 with the adult film Her & Him. She recently founded the alternative brand THORNE, which showcases jewelry and smoking accessories designed by Thorne herself. Dani is best known as COM3T, her electronic DJ stage name. When she's not hitting the stage at major festivals such as Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza, she runs PLANT BASED AS FCK alongside Honeybee to deliver mouth-watering vegan food across Los Angeles.Below, read PAPER's chat with Bella about the conception of Twisted Sisters, what it's like to work alongside a sibling and the best late-night hangover grub. So for those uninitiated with the platform, how is it different from the normal podcast format?Dani and I have always wanted to do a podcast. We have like all those late-night conversations where we're like, "It'd be good to see what other people think about this and get their opinions!" And then Amp approached us at Amazon, and we said yes! We've always wanted to capture late-night conversations with girls talking shit and really get people's perspectives on things. Because it's live, you can see them chatting with us.How will the show's weekly structure work?We're always gonna start off with three positive things. Then we'll get into the nitty gritty for each week. It could either be games or a whole relationship episode, maybe something that's geared towards pop culture and talk about what everybody else is talking about in the world right now. We're planning to jump a little all over the board.How does it feel to be interacting with your fans in such an intimate and live way as opposed to Instagram and Twitter?I'm excited! I'm also somewhat worried. I like to be in my bubble, a little bit unreachable. This will definitely not be that. But I'm most excited to see feedback in real-time. I think that's going to be really fun and will definitely bring me a lot closer to my fans because we see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. It will be nice to see that as I'm actually doing the podcast and see what their thoughts are and get more into their lives and relationships.You and your sister come from two very different worlds, with her as a successful DJ and you as an actress and entrepreneur. What would you say are some of your biggest similarities and differences that we'd be able to see on Twisted Sisters?I think that just by hearing us speak, it's gonna be kind of confusing already. People think our voices sound alike, so that's gonna be pretty funny. I think that's finishing each other's sentences is always a good one. We say the same things a lot of time and we're always jinxing each other because of it. We have so many similarities!I think that our biggest difference is that I'm a little "glass half empty" and Dani is definitely "glass half full." I think together that makes a really well-balanced mindset. She's always been a positive light in certain situations, and I think that it helps when listening to her on the podcast. People get to hear us talk about things that aren't always easy to talk about such as family trauma and then give each other advice on how to move on and become strong or feel better about a situation. I'm really excited to hear it and have other people put themselves in the same situation to go, "Oh, yeah, definitely. This is good advice."In a way, it seems like you want to bring back the beauty of those old-school relationship advice shows on the radio like Loveline!That's exactly what I pitched! When I was growing up, we'd hear Ryan's Roses and stuff in the morning where people would call in and talk about their own relationship stuff. I always thought that it was so interesting to hear about somebody that you don't know where they are in life, and yet you guys still connect over something. I think that that's very intriguing. Old-school radio shows were my references.There's something so satisfying about being able to hear someone else's issues, regardless of whether or not you relate, and hear how a third party would handle it. Yeah, definitely. And I think it'll open my eyes a lot as well. You know, it works both ways with us giving advice and then listeners giving us advice, and really getting to hear their stories and giving us a different perspective.Finally, what is the strangest hill that you'd die on?I think the best late-night drunk food is street dogs. They got the bacon-wrapped street dogs with extra jalapenos, sauerkraut, onions, mustard, mayonnaise. They just throw it all out there, and I'm gonna stick by it! I think that's the best food.Twisted Sisters: Dani & Bella Thorne premieres live on Wednesday, January 25 at 6:00 PM PST on Amp.Photos courtesy of Dakota Robbins (Raen Photography) https://www.papermag.com/bella-dani-thorne-podcast-2659274204.html

#Bella thorne #Dani thorne #Amp #Amazon #Twisted sisters #Jade Gomez​ #PAPER

[anendoandfriendo]

The last thing we want to do is ask emotional labor if any of you, but damn I kinda just wanna ask something if it ain't too bad.

Now that I'm finally typing this I don't even know how to say it. It's been on my mind for months. Especially after the slime spam started.

The majority of us who are actively, like, wanting to interact with the world happen to have fictional or factual counterparts, so being wildly ourselves is always a awkward challenge in feeling allowed to say the least. I notice it a lot, we want to be able to joke and laugh and be proudly the clusterfuck we are. Make silly profiles, collect identities, and reblog ourselves and likes a lot but there's like this damn wall in the way.

Doesn't seem to mater we know it's a bullshit wall. Past experiences dealing with shit like the Yandere Bitch Club is hard to go back to innocent fun from even after all this time.

We keep making new blogs, we keep trying, but that wall won't go away.

How do your mindsets I guess work to be able to say fuck it and just have a blast and reblog and say each other by your names and not care? I wanna, and I know others do to, just wanna join you all in the fun and maybe become friends one day and just @ each other in things people like and send asks all the lot. It's all we ever wanted to get back to with people.

Yeah sorry. I really hope your jobs and your day goes like super good and you actually have a chill one.

- Hayakawa of DMX

Hey there Hayakawa!

Our general advice in this situation, just speaking from personal experience, is to start smaller and get bigger and bigger interactions as time goes on! I know that sounds cheesy and Raphael is also saying that is cheesy, and I think Deulara is rolling their eyes, etc etc etc. but I don't think they can deny this is what helped us, either, ortherwise I would have gotten a more legitimate interjection by now. c:

So like, for us we started off with maybe reblogging random fanart of ourselves or if not ourselves but a fandom we're in or would like to be in. And then after that would hide stiff in the tags signing our names off. And after that we started signing off on our posts and comments weather we made them ourselves or if we're commenting on someone else's thing. We don't think most of us are quite ready to engage in fandom in the way of writing fic, doing our own fanart, or anything like that and many of us go at paces slower or faster than this too. For example:

I do not believe I have gotten to the point of signing my name off of my own comments for reblogs yet when I see Vanilla (World's End Club) fan art simply because I think it would be too weird for me and because I'm worried about potential anti-endogenics/ableists, for example, but both are technically easily taken care of with a block on the end of just one party.

There's a few of us who sign off with emoji or use emojis when talking or engaging with the online world for their sanity -- we're on laptop at the moment but to vaguely summarize the ones I remember -- (beach), (sailboat), (vampire), (shining star), and (blue circle) all stand for someone who uses the blog or did use the blog regularly in our system.

Someone in our system literally introduced themselves as [REDACTED] or [NAME REDACTED] until further notice. It's quite on the nose but can only be done a few times before it's difficult to track.

We also actively seek out blogs that are friendly to our existence and are loud about it and request content for fandoms we are in, weather we have an Xive or not for that thing, and sometimes we do it on anon and sometimes we do not. We implied this earlier but we also use the block button liberally and generally expect other individuals to do the same instead of throwing a hissyfit in our inbox or messages.

And while not all blogs tag (we do not currently tag, for example, although we do plan to start at some point in time and go through all of our posts accordingly) using the tags and post filers has still helped us a ton. We mirror the tags and post filters so if one does not catch something we wish to avoid, the other will.

And, as an additional tip, this is for desktop/laptop website only but we fell in love with Xkit the moment we started using it, Jade Leech 1.0 had become distressed about a particular post but we loved a specific blog otherwise, and the post in question was not technically "wrong" or "bad" in any way, it was just...dysphoria-inducing because of the headcanon. So we used Xkit to mute/block that post and that post only and now we have a dysphoria-free Jade Leech.

So a lot of it is space curation both mentally and literally, and part of it is just kind of snowballing your way into it, if that makes any sense! I'm hoping this helped and if you need any clarification then we can try our best to help with what we can.

~ Vanilla

[fyowhore]

Hii can i request a bsd matchup?

I don't really mind any gender I'm fine with anyone.

I'm ambivert,I'm very laid back and prefer to go with the flow of life but sometimes come off as ego-centric and domineering. I have to admit I’m a lazy person who prefers having a leisure more than anything else. But once i find my motivation I'm actually pretty hardworking, I won't stop or take breaks until i completely finish what I started. I mostly spends my time as a stoic and a calm person and i might even come off as apathetic towards the world around me [even tho I’m not]. I’m usually perceived as being insensitive because i generally prefer to deal with emotions in my own head rather than openly [and somehow I'm still well liked?!] tbh I often think I’m above others, yet I am always willing to acknowledge that I’m a total piece of shit [very rarely tho] Sometimes i have fantasies and ideals that I want to start creating or becoming but i give myself a reality check and let the dream fade away. I’m very innovative but still choose the practical route a lot. It’s easy for me to create goals and envision the end results but it’s ridiculously hard for me to remain committed to the process. I have a very big ego but one word alone is enough to destroy it. i Will never admit my wrong, unless internally. I'm playful around people i like [friends, family, classmates] and if I believe I'm right I'll passive agressivly fight you to prove my point [even if I'm wrong]. Like i said i have hard time committing to something i loose interest, motivation and get bored rather easily. If I'm stressed about something i bottle everything up and worry about it alone. Not because I don't want to burden other or anything simply because my pride and ego is getting in my way. I'm not really a jealous person and even if i get jealous i keep it to myself and try my best to hide it. I care about what others think of me [more like what others think of my parents] so towards strangers and people that know my parents I'm very polite.

I like horror genre [movies, books, analogue horror and etc], watching movies, listening to true crime, reading books and listening to music. I love indie and alternative rock, gothic novels, Victorian and vampire goth aesthetic, grunge aesthetic. Researching and learning more about myself. I love reading greek mythology and Japanese urban legends, I'm interested in psychology. I wouldn't really consider this as a hobby cause i do it once or twice a year but i also play volleyball and piano.

I dislike heat, sweat, sweet food, dogs, when people make chewing or drinking sounds, too loud or too quiet places, when I'm being ignored, when other get even a little bit of credit for something i did, math, my math teacher, snow.

I'm tall, 5'10. I have medium length brown hair in layered haircut, heart shaped head and brown almond shaped eyes. I have multiple piercings on both of my ears and on my face i have few noticeable beauty marks, one on my chin, two on my cheeks [one on right side is more closer to my eye and one on my left side is closer to my lips] and one on tip of my nose.

Fun fact:

• i went to music school for 6 years.

• i plan on getting a pet snake

• i have multiple piercings on my ears

• I'm better at socializing with older people than with people my age.

• i have pet cat and a parrot. Funny thing is parrot is more agressive than my poor cat 💀

• i speak three language [and I'm planning on learning another one]

It may be unexpected…

But Ranpo sounds like a perfect partner for your mindset. I know some of your indicators sound like it may be hell, particularly the sweets and constant chewing but that just allows you to have your own interests, space, and respect for each other.

It seems like you may be limiting yourself in letting these fantasies go, and someone a little lighthearted, carefree but smart would be perfect for developing your craft and hobbies. Even if it doesn’t last, so what? It’s something you explored and he’s quietly (or loudly) supporting anything you may show interest in! And isn’t that what matters?

He would teach you to allow yourself to go with the flow of things sometimes, and you’d teach him that sometimes others need him to listen, not to fix. (Even if he could in fact do such perfectly.)

You sound intelligent, reserved and like someone who needs their time in the sun. Or at least Ranpo would look at you like that’s what you are. You have interests that align, and those that mean you’re both free to enjoy your space. He’d also be a key component on working with your moods, and what you could possibly need. I can imagine him enjoying the multiple piercings, the fact you know about animals is just another small quirk of yours that he adores.

Even if he knew every fact in the world, he’d be happily waiting for it to come from your mouth first.

I think he’d also be hanging off your arm often, observing you quietly as you went about your business. Comfort? Curiosity? Both really, that and he just enjoys attention, even if he’s only in the corner of your eye.

AN: Sorry this took forever and I hope it’s not disappointing!! I had… so many 5:30am starts this week, working in a hotel is hard sometimes 💔

#bsd matchup #BSD #bsd ranpo #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs fluff #bsd fluff #bungo stray dogs ranpo #bungo stray dogs imagines #this man would never let go of you #yessss tell him more about your special interests pop off

[nicetrynicetry]

123

Tuesday and while making music I feel my desk vibrate. J is calling. She is none of the aforementioned J’s, and also I feel a little disgusting saying the letter J so often, feels like what somebody antisemitic calls Jews. Anyhow. I dodge the first call because I am not in the correct mindset for an exchange at the pace that Adderall dictates. But then I remember that not only are J and I both painters (members of a community) but that we also share a birthday (are both in astrological pain). When she calls again I pick up. “Happy birthday for Friday”, I say, and she says “you too. What did you do for it?” I tell her about my dinner and she explains that she “got really fucked up in an Italian restaurant”, and I believe her

She needs advice on how to convince a mega-gallery’s New York staff to throw a party three nights before her upcoming show opening. And I know J well enough to know that this is not a party as defined by fancy gallery employees but rather a rager as defined by J’s hedonistic downtown cohort. I ask why she needs to do a party at this time and she says she “wants to do a painting drop, you know, like an album drop. You’ve done one of those before, right? I thought you could help”. Though I’m flattered that I am considered the source of any wisdom on party-throwing, I am also in over my head. I tell J that I did almost nothing to commemorate my album coming out, much less a party. That I would never throw a rager in a gallery if I had a show because that’s not fun to me and I’m tired a lot. And that while I was in touch with a “mega-dealer” for a long and creepy time, I do not know what happens when you actually say yes to the show

“No yeah of course, and I try to text the gallery owner but I guess his girlfriend gets weird about it”. I bet she does, I say. I am still struggling to understand what she needs. “I just need, like, a fucking cool thing that they haven’t done before, like I want couches in the gallery and for it start at like 11pm, and like we’ll take people’s phones away so nobody can leak the paintings but like maybe someone WILL leak a photo and I’ll pretend to be pissed. I was gonna ask my friend who works for Travis Scott about doing merch and shit”. “Well there you go”, I say, “maybe the Travis Scott team are the way to go. I’m sorry I can’t help more”. She sends me JPEGs of the new paintings and they are excellent, and I compliment her. “Thanks dude, but listen if you get any crazy ideas when you’re like on the toilet or fucked up just send them to me okay?” I picture myself relapsing and becoming an events manager. I hang up, cupping my face in my hands

I go back to music. Another new year’s resolution: to play real bass on songs that need it, and thus to restring my bass from when I actually played any bass in 2008, a white Epiphone Thunderbird. Ugly fucking thing. But it couldn’t hurt to move away from the gift to lazy musicians that is MIDI Rock Electric Bass on Ableton, hone my real skills. You never know when a home intruder might demand a compelling bassline in return for not robbing you. I feel happy to be substance-free, save for the antibiotics. I often worry J will fall from an open window one day - she’s so small. She must weigh 70lb, and 10% of that is lip filler. She’s one of those women a chronicler of our era will dedicate 3 chapters to. She insists on fun where others would be too polite to attempt it. Over the years she has said things in public spaces that I think are meant to be shocking to those around us but really just make me think of a little girl trying to score some parental attention. She has this childlike urge to trash the place, emotionally or physically, no matter where she is. “I fucked my building’s janitor and now he hates me”, she once said in Paris, at a billionaire’s home where we were both the guests of honour. Our 60 year old table mates simply pretended not to hear her, which is a perfect response. The mega gallery in question are actually very lucky to have her. They are in dire need of her energy, and potentially some better buildings insurance

[plotweasels]

This Crossover...Doesn't Even Work

However, I am struck by the idea of a Crossover between Books of the Raksura and MDZS. First, a fusion (the kind of crossover I write the most frequently) would be just about impossible. While I can easily see Yu Ziyuan as a Raksuran queen, I do not actually like her that much. (And her classism would not actually fit the queen mindset.) Also, while Jiang Fengmian does fit into the personality more or less of a First Consort, the xianxia Fantasy Ancient China power dynamics would not combine well with that of a Raksura colony. (Also there's the naming conventions.)

On the other hand, if the Jiangs were a Raksura colony, I would want to make Wei Wuxian an Arbora Mentor who ended up becoming a warrior. (Though that wouldn't really fit the necromancy.) So if I did a fusion, the Jiangs would have to be some variety of groundling or possibly waterling/groundling related to waterling. (Note: not humans. There are no humans in the Books of the Raksura setting, just various species of groundling, skyling, waterling and so on.)

So lets say that the sects in the Cultivation World are all related species of groundling. And these species are related to the forerunners. Let's also say that Cangse Sanren is either a) an orphaned raksura queen b) an equally orphaned raksura/fell hybrid or c) an orphaned fell raised by a mysterious Raksura Queen who lost her Colony. (The cultivators do not know that Baoshan Sanren is a Raksura. If they see her, she's always in Arbora form. They just think of her as a powerful immortal.) Cangse Sanren marries Wei Changze and they have Wei Ying, who has an interesting mix of abilities.

This would probably be more or less a "Wei Ying is not raised by the Jiangs" AU where Wei Ying is more or less self taught, and has a "secret weapon" in the form of a really big scary winged form. Combining the cultivation system with the Books of the Raksura magic system would be a challenge, as would trying to tack on the Sunshot Campaign, and the geography of the Three Worlds. (Floating Islands, man. Floating. Islands.)

However, I can also see an "insert characters from fandom a into fandom b" type of crossover. This can happen by way of my favorite plot weasel of "Wei Wuxian attempts to create some kind of transportation talisman to escape with the Wen Remnants But Something goes Very Wrong," and everyone ends up in a distant part of the Three Worlds. Or near enough the Reaches that Raksura investigate. By preference I'd drop them in the middle of a ruined city, where they can run into all kinds of weird shit, in addition to suddenly having wingy people show up. (I originally thought Raksura, but maybe members of Consolation's Flight? And then Raksura?) I think I would spend a great deal of time worrying about the Instant Genetic Bottleneck however, so maybe not that? (Or have Wei Wuxian accidentally bring most of Yiling with him, as well as any Wen who were still in hiding, and any number of cultivators who were in the town trying to find WWX.)

This would be fun as cultivation is so much different than the kind of magic system(s) that are present in the Raksura setting. Another problem: we don't really have a clear idea of fauna, as the Raksura tend not to have names for various animal species, instead dividing them up by what they eat. It will be interesting to see how Wei Wuxian and friends end up dealing with various other sentients, and how they react to these weird groundlings that just turned up...

#crossover #mine #books of the raksura #mdzs #plotweasel #fan fic

[pxrxllel]

youth (27/03/23)

It took me a few moments to find a name to call this entry by. I'm pretty happy, but that doesn't sum it up. It feels like I'm in the growing and expansion season of my life. I'm learning to be a lot more open-minded and not overthink as much, be more comfortable with discomfort. That's not to say I've thrown my morals and habits out the window, rather that I've relaxed them a little to see where they begin and end.

I am probably the happiest, most hopeful, and most filled with peace that I have ever felt in my life. I've finally gotten all the parts of my life together to the point where I want them. I'm prioritising my own wants and needs and for the first time, I feel like they're important and I matter. Fifteen year old me could have only dreamed about the amount of joy and lightness and fullness I am holding in my chest. I'm surrounded by people who love me, who support me in everything I do, I live with my friends, I like my job, and all of that is something I went a long time without and it's made all the difference.

I genuinely think that people who knew me even 2 years ago wouldn't recognise me now. I have changed so much. I'm so comfortable with who I am now, my self esteem is strong and healthy - to the point where I am probably a little arrogant, to be honest. I genuinely think I am hot shit and deserve to have whatever I want in this world. In saying that I also acknowledge that others are also hot shit, but there's something very powerful about stepping into it and claiming it. I'm not sure why, but throughout my relationship with Jarrod my self-esteem fluctuated so much and I truly felt terrible about myself every so often, but since becoming single I have felt nothing but self-love towards me, even though I have gained a bit of weight. My hot girl mindset is on about 80% of the time and it's the attitude that I have that projects to the world that I have everything together and everything just works out for me.

In terms of relationships, I am loving being single. I have never been so stress-free. I never have to worry about my plans for the week, wondering if my boyfriend even likes me. I love going on dates and meeting new people and taking a peek into their worlds for just a night. I really think I always meant to lean into my young hot girl phase and I'm living it. On a Friday night my Canadian friend comes to visit me in an underground bar and we're entangled before we even leave the place. People, strangers are always telling us we have a vibe going on and it's making me wonder why I've always been with people who I didn't have this much chemistry with. I'm always so hungry for the way he touches me so boldly and tells me how much of a pull I have over him and looks at me like he almost feels something, even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't. I could never, ever fall in love with someone like that, the man is full of red flags, and I think that's the fun of it. I'm letting myself get swept away in the moment, knowing it's a temporary thing, so I may as well enjoy it. I've never felt so wanted in my life than when he laces his arms around my legs, and it honestly reignites a lot of the freshness of how I felt as a teenager.

A big reason why we hang out is I think he represents a version of myself I'm trying to cultivate. I love hearing him talk about the different places he's been and people he's met. I'm starting to get excited about my own adventures, now that I've gotten the ball rolling with sorting out my travel vaccinations and booking some flights. I know that when I book my final flights things are going to get real and I probably will have a meltdown and ask myself why I'm leaving my life here when things are finally good and happy. But I'm reminded of The Good Place and how eternal happiness cannot and shouldn't be the final destination. I don't know what it is and there's no guarantees I'll find out, but it'd be cool if I did. Not going to lie, the meaning-obsessed part of me is going to be pretty disappointed if all I learn is that there is no meaning and it's all for nothing. I don't actually believe that, but it's curious to me that the purpose is to just keep moving and if there is no final destination.

[happysadyoyo]

I posted 6,350 times in 2022

That's 5,921 more posts than 2021!

2,977 posts created (47%)

3,373 posts reblogged (53%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@happysadyoyo

@yharnamsnewslug

@thefeistydragon

@fanarchoslashivist

@delgado-master

I tagged 1,382 of my posts in 2022

#morg - 177 posts

#hp knock off - 84 posts

#transandrophobia - 69 posts

#icarus liveblogs lightlark - 67 posts

#constellations - 58 posts

#word count - 34 posts

#the sixth sense liveblog - 31 posts

#brier - 30 posts

#solar lunacy - 27 posts

#tumblr story - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#basically every time i turn around i just see that the purge is real and i'm uncomfortably remembering when people made fun of the franchise

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Most trans women don’t have to worry about becoming pregnant accidentally or forcibly and be forced to deal with either A. no access to abortive services B. being forced to out yourself to have access to abortive services or C. be forced to detransition because your testosterone is a risk for the fetus and you aren’t allowed to abort or chose not to.

So like. Transandrophobia is a thing. This is transandrophobia. Fucking shut up.

860 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

#4

hi, the more widely accepted short form of non-binary is enby. nb is appropriative of AAVE as it has stood for non-black long before it stood for non-binary. just to let you know since you are planning to call a book NB.

This is... this might be the funniest moment in my fucking life. I was literally just talking to @nothorses about this exact conversation I had read a bit ago.

First, I'm going to link to @transgentleman-luke's post on the subject of nb discourse.

Secondly, nota bene or nb for short, has been in use since 1711, whereas nonblack originates roughly around 1961. I have to admit I heard of nota bene when in high school and still use it a lot because I got in the habit while I was still being a pretentious little shithead.

So if we're really going to go with where it started being used first, nota bene has everyone beat out.

And if I want to be really pedantic, nonbinary as a word (not necessarily a gender label) has been around since 1863. I'm very willing to bet that nb was used as shorthand for the term in some form. I just don't have the time or energy to go dig into it more but trust that humans have always been humans about shit.

Thirdly:

The book isn't called NB. It's Nature Boy, and I use shorthand to make it easier to see the full title in Drive.

Finally, not all nonbinary people like to be called "enby."

Acronyms and shorthand can mean multiple things. This ask, while I'm sure is well-intentioned, carries the same energy as the blockheads who think that because trans men are defending themselves from two black people over a nearly year long harassment campaign they (the trans men) are racist.

Since you don't come across with an aggressive tone, I am willing to believe you're not one of those blockheads. And while I do think there is a troubling trend of AAVE getting appropriated into common vernacular without recognition of its origins or consideration of how it's socially acceptable for white people to "borrow" from black culture but black people have to code switch in order to be taken seriously (admittedly from a USAmerican mindset here), nb is not an appropriation of AAVE language.

Ninja Edit to Add: Anon, I say this sincerely, did you stop to think how English mouths say “enby?” It’s nb. So enby isn’t really a good replacement either, regardless of everything else. 

1,095 notes - Posted February 21, 2022

#3

I like slapping Irreversible Damage in TERFs faces because, I mean, look at it:

I’m a graphic designer. I have a double major in it and printmaking, therefore I am especially qualified to comment on this. Want to know why I switched over to printmaking and book arts as my primary major? Because commercial graphic design is propaganda and I decided I didn’t feel comfortable by that point working for capitalism. 

Like man, my entire life has revolved around books and writing. I just wanted to make good covers. 

Anyway. Here we have a cover of a little white girl with her womb cut out. The title is literally Irreversible Damage. You literally cannot in good faith look at this book cover and tell me that Abigail Shrier isn’t talking about little white girls losing the ability to make little white babies. 

If you can honestly, in 100% good faith look at this cover, look at this title, and tell me otherwise, I’ll call you a liar and block you on sight. Because I have a high tolerance for idiocy but not that.

1,295 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

#2

Can we also discuss the fact there’s a minority of people who aren’t “AFAB” who are still capable of getting pregnant?

Or are we going to keep using this as a new, cooler binary to try and talk about “women lite”

1,551 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

TERFs don’t want to save trans men and AFAB nonbinarys who don’t look like GNC women.

The want to detransition us, force us to accept our “role” as women, make us proud of the parts of ourselves that often make us the most uncomfortable in our own skin. 

If the trans person in question is white, they want to use our wombs to produce more white babies. Because don’t forget, you can never part the racist from the sexist. 

And if someone’s too far gone, if they’re too loud and brash and wield their words like a baseball bat. If they can’t be silenced, then they want to kill us. Demean us, dehumanize us, use us as a warning to younger, closeted trans people. 

Look at them. Look at what testosterone has done to their bodies, the personalities, their souls. You don’t want to be like that, do you?

TERFs say the want to save us. They don’t.

They want to kill us.

4,545 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

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[t0rf]

A Letter To Those Who Are People

Now that ik my parents aren't really on here anymore(this is a copy and paste from FB), let me just say they aren't the people that they have protrayed themselves to be.

Growing up in that house wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, they are of the mindset that adults taking care of child(ren) had problems worse than theirs and because you didn’t pay bills, you have no right to privacy or interests that didn't align with what they approve of. And while they weren't openly homophobic and transphobic deep down they are. When I was female and younger(15/16) I found out I like girls, and I kept it hidden for a long time, until after my first girlfriend, and I remeber my father asking me one night why I didn't say anything about it, I just sat there flabergasted. They've always put off the impression of not being open to that sort of thing, seeing as they're hardcore Conservatives. When you are strict on your children you are pushing them away, if you did something they(parents) didn't approve of the next time you're more likely to be secretive and become crafty in hiding things. Those kids are more likely to "break" the rules, to having mental illnesses(that usually go untreated, and as soon as they're of age and free, they will move away from their parents because they aren't excepted for who they are. Parents tend to forget that their kids are people, individuals who have they're own likes, feelings, and interests, and those parent's who want to make carbon copies of themselves or into what they wished they could've done and been are the worst. They are self centered and narsacisstic, and obviouisly don't realize they're doing the same thing that they hated from their parents. They're prepetuating the cycle. People, not just parents, need to do self reflections and honestly take criticism to heart when they are called out on their toxic behavior and actions. I've called both my parents on things and they downplay anything that isn't the self image they've put on and convinced other's of what they're "like". Just because sometimes children are in a "physically safe" place doesn't mean that it can't be frustrating and heartbreaking to not be accepted. To feel like you have to shove yourself into a box or mold to be loved. To be upset that those who "decided" to have you, doesn't want to or accept you for who you are and become. Even now, out of that house, away from their closed mindedness, it still hurts. It hurts to think of my younger sister is going through all the emotional abuse and "because I said so" shit sucks. Because I have seen them do the same thing to her that they did to me growing up, it hurts that they can't be more open minded and accepting of who we are as people, as humans, just like they are. They worry I feed her propaganda and tell her things she's "too young" to hear or know, but when I get to spend time with her they've literally told her things like "Joe Biden has a brain tumor" "What's wrong with Tr*mp?" "Guns are fun and nothing to worry about" You know what I tell her about? You can like girls or boys, you don't have to be girly or what not just because everyone else tells you too, you can be whatever you feel like you are, you can like games and anime, you can be you're own person and have your own interest and feelings.

She told me the last time I dropped her off what it was called, to like girls, boys, & others, and I told her it was called being Pan(sexual) or Bi(sexual) and she said she might be pan, and that she was AFRAID to tell my parents because they might treat her like they treat me(because I'm a transguy). That, THAT is ridiculous, how can you think that's acceptable?? How can people be like that, or even want to associate with people like that. IT really boggles my mind that people choose to be like that, but the reality is that they just are. 

So just stop and think about your children, about other people, and how they're actually people, with feelings, interest, problems, and emotions. You're a person so why aren't they. BE kind, compassionate, and caring. Give people respect, you kids respect. 

Then maybe, just maybe, we can finally make this world a bit more bareable and kinder.

#pride #trans #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #acceptance #transgender #kids #children #parents #problem #be kind #gay #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #about me

[bonny-kookoo]

Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)

Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now

Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg

Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.

Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.

Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.

But he's an artist, nonetheless.

Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.

Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.

Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.

Jungkook has a problem however.

He's wild.

Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.

And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.

He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.

No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.

He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.

"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.

"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.

"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.

"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.

"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.

Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-

and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.

But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.

You knew about all of this- and you were still around.

Nothing had changed.

Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.

Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-

You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.

He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?

Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.

No, he refused to deny himself that.

Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.

The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.

You made even the idea of touching fun.

He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.

So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."

He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.

You were stressing. A little.

Maybe.

Maybe a lot.

Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.

Just great.

Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.

But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.

It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.

You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.

He didn't move.

"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.

He thought it was cute.

"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.

"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.

"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.

"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.

In your own apartment.

What the hell?

If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.

"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.

You liked that.

Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.

Interesting.

"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.

"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.

"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.

"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.

"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.

"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.

Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.

Interesting, again.

Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.

However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.

And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.

The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.

“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.

“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.

“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.

“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.

This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.

“You’re not ready yet.”

And with that, he turns back to the TV.

You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.

You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.

Looking at his face is your first mistake.

His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.

"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.

It makes your spine tingle.

"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.

At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.

So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.

He wants to make you understand.

"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.

And you nod.

"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.

"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."

His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.

"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.

"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.

"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.

"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.

"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.

"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.

"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.

"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.

"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.

"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.

Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?

Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.

"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.

"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.

"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.

Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.

"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.

"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.

"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.

"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.

"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.

He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.

"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.

"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.

You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.

There's only one way to find out.

You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.

You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.

He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.

His sweater seems soft.

You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.

This is nice.

You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.

This is really nice.

"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.

"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.

"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.

He's glad.

Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.

Jungkook really has it bad.

You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.

"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.

"Not for food."

He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.

"Or what?"

His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.

"Bunny." You say.

He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.

He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.

"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.

"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.

He's not sorry.

"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.

He almost looks uncertain.

"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.

"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.

You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.

"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.

He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.

Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.

Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-

He's also opening his heart as well.

Your first time together is slow and comfortable.

It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.

Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.

He has to learn just as much as you do.

"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.

"Can I?"

It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.

"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.

Its after a moment that you realize it.

"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.

"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.

"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.

"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.

You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.

"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.

"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.

Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.

You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.

Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.

He sighs out.

And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.

You really were something else.

He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.

There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.

He's on cloud nine.

You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.

"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.

"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.

"This is a new start, for both of us."

"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.

"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.

"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.

"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.

It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.

It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.

It would make sense.

“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.

“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.

“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.

He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.

“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..

“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.

“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.

You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.

He can't take his eyes off of you.

He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.

He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.

Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.

You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.

Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.

"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.

You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.

His Baby.

You're his.

He wants you.

It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.

You're his perfect puzzle piece.

He lets go.

"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.

Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.

Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.

He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.

"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.

"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.

"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."

"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.

It was still new to you.

Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.

"You." You say, and he chuckles.

"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.

"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.

"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.

By now you easily know your way around his apartment.

So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.

He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.

Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.

You love him.

And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.

"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.

Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.

But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.

And he's totally fine with that.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts fic #bts smut #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #Rabbit Boy AU