#my mom keeps asking me for money

[lifeismarvelous]

People who don’t want to go / continue to go to college because you’re looking out for your mental health: YOU ARE VALID.

Honestly I hate it when parents force their kids to go to college without even considering how their kids feel. What if they don’t feel like going at all? What if they just don’t have interest, huh? Why can’t you just let them choose to not attend college? WE HAVE A CHOICE.

WE HAVE THE CHOICE TO NOT DO COLLEGE IF WE DON’T WANT TO.

#my mom has been forcing me to go to college for a few years now and I keep telling her I DONT HAVE REAL INTEREST IN GOING. #but she just won’t understand #there are classes that im hardly interested in #and honestly? I’d rather earn money than be pressured by deadlines and be graded on for my skills #she says she’s not doing it for herself but for me #when im not even ASKING to go. I never asked to go at ALL #I have the choice. I have the decision. #at least I have a job

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

someone walked into me having what i thought was a private but very loud breakdown at work about the family cruise my parents are requiring me to go on for my dads retirement next may bc i have never ever wanted to go on a cruise in my life and the cheapest solo room for the one they picked is fucking $1600 for a 100sq ft closet and that's not even including airfare to get to miami OR wifi YOU HAVE TO BUY A WIFI PACKAGE to have reliable internet access what if i just fucking kill myself instead <3

#like this is such a fucking stupid problem to have but my mom won't even let me complain about it bc like #my parents have done so much for me for SO much longer than they needed to and they ask very little of me #and i have like 18 months to save the money to do this but like #thinking about what i could be spending that money on instead things i actually WANT to do??? #i have no fucking desire to go ANYWHERE this boat is stopping like at all !!! #thousands of dollars for something i ACTIVELY DONT WANT TO DO #and my mom keeps pestering me to try to find someone to rope into going with me #so i can have a friend bc ill be honest im not super close with my family !! #but i also don't have any friends im close enough with to ask them if they wanna like #spend sooooooo much money to accompany me on a cruise with MY family as essentially an emotional support animal

[atthebell]

bell I do have a crochet question for you. how do you get better at freehanding things? is it just experience? bc I've been crocheting for a few years now but I still sweat if I can't find a pattern for what I want to make 😭

so my initial answer is just fuck around and find out-- as in just start making stuff, sometimes don't even try for a specific shape, just do stuff and see what shapes you make and get a feel for how increasing and decreasing impact a work, how to incorporate larger stitches (i.e. switch from sc to dc to make one side of the round taller), all that kind of stuff. and maybe try and make something purely based off an image-- as in, no pattern, no fucking clue how to go about it, just go at it and see what you get. it won't always be pretty, but it'll teach you! and practice helps immensely, so you can even just work on things you do have patterns for/know how to make and that will teach you how shapes come together and how to sculpt something (bc that's what amigurumi is, really, just figuring out how to sculpt something with loop & hook-- imo, it's what makes crochet pretty different to other fiber arts, although you can do 3-D stuff with them as well) into what you want.

my other answer is i've been crocheting for thirteen years and i consider myself pretty damn good at it and i still whine and cry when i can't find a pattern for what i want 😭 i think getting really good at tracking stuff down and also sometimes just resigning yourself to having to buy a pattern is really the answer. also, tbh, you can look at how someone else made it and try and replicate that without a pattern-- if you sell stuff, i recommend you still credit the original designer, since you are basing it off their work, but looking at how someone else made something and trying to do the same thing is how a lot of artists build technique. again, don't rip them off entirely, but going "how tf did they make this?" and trying to do something similar can help you learn more about how pieces are put together.

also ravelry, pinterest (if you know how to use it properly and are willing to deal with the spam/clickbait fake pins... bane of my existence), various pattern databases, and, tbh, just rando people's blogs are your best friend. i have a few amigurumi artists where when i'm just absolutely lost, i go on their sites and search up what i'm trying to make to see if they've done it before, and sometimes they have! elisa's crochet has really cute stuff, as does ami amour, and you can find way more people through instagram (the one and only time i will recommend going on that site)

#asks #anons #crochet talk #really truly genuinely fuck around and find out though. make weird stuff and see how it turns out and tbh. finish it even if it sucks #you never know maybe your niece would really love a lopsided freak little lobster creature with no eyes! whos to say #i freehanded a random little multilegged creature and gave it to the kids at my mom's work and they LOVE it #it looks like an scp but they're obsessed #also im in the middle of pepitos mask like i keep saying #and figuring out how to get it to the shapes i want is really fun #maybe ill do like a process discussion post along with the pattern whenever i write it up #also im thinking about making a ko-fi in case people want to throw a few bucks my way for the patterns #the commie in me wont actually let me put them behind a full paywall #but if people want to give me money for them that would be neat #anyway long rambling aside. practice practice practice #that is really the key to every skill

[anandasamsara]

SIMPLE COMMISSIONS OPEN

Ok, i cant find any other job nor other way to make some money rn. I still have to pay 450 for credit card, that we used to buy groceries, 450 for electricity and at least mom's phone. Ideally, 700 that we owe for the apartment payments, but we can keep pretending it doesnt matter as much.

So, opening sketch and whump comms bc i cant bring myself to do more than that rn. I can barely bring myself to draw at all. I could even toss some notion of nsfw for an extra 10 bucks.

Prices, how-to's and more info >>here<<

Im relatively desperate, bc even tho i managed to pay the internet bill, it doesnt matter if electricity is cut down, specially as we're having heat waves of about 40C for the last week with no end in sight.

(I listed the amount i need in brazilian real, so it would be around 250usd. 400usd if we count the apartment things that im ignoring.)

#emergency commissions #commissions #help an artist #thankfully my aunt decided to buy us some groceries but it wont last much #paid a few bills with money my friends gave me as a christmas present but im still very embarassed by the need #even more so that i didnt manage to make it last more than a month #also my dad being home is becoming a problem #me and mom are trying to eat less so we can keep having food for longer #and he spends the whole day eating everything he sees #its been hard and i dont want to ask for help but i dont know what else to do #no one else will help bc we have a capable man at the house and why cant he go back to the job HE ACTUALLY HAS to keep us afloat #but he doesnt want to so now i have to take care of the bills myself #doesnt matter that i was fired bc the computer can do the same work i did #im very tired and trying to not spiral into depression yet again

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop. #i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything. #my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything. #im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz

[fridayiminlcve]

if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything

#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but #i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded #people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to #the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times #for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh #n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!! #i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!! #of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own #friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find. #also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids #you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously #elle woods at harvard law type #i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do #not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour #and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best #i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money #itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr) #2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence #im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating #its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still #dp you get what i mean #and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still #if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway #smalltown boy will byers moment #dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are) #also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3

[active-mind-15]

Masaomi being too strict of a father with the activities his son did led to him not experiencing the canon dad event of trying to keep your family together at a theme park in this essay I will—

#if you're asking what sparked this post #i was looking at old family pics on my usb #and seeing my dad trying to navigate a waterpark alongside his brother and his wife with their twin 1 y/o boys #my mom and her sister with her 3 daughters one of which was 3 months old #and then my mom's brother's son #on top of my parents trying to keep their own three kids together #it makes me laugh thinking about the struggle they must have gone through #masaomi should have experienced that #he needs to know the struggle of making sure your kid is not lost or drowning or both #also those shitty inflated waterpark prices for food #and also his kid heckling him for money to try winning prizes at the game booths #and then eventually dealing with his kid crying on the way out of the park because he doesn't want to go home #he missed out on a key element of dad lore #a travesty #kuroko no basket #akashi masaomi

[bulletsfrank]

being online makes me feel so isolated because i cant reach out to a single soul without feeling terrified of the rejection. im too tired to be any kind of meaningful friend or even mutual, but i have absolutely no one in real life. i come online for my crumbs of socialization and human interaction that i desperately crave, but once i have it i just feel more lonely. like people talk to me out of pity, out of feeling sorry, or just that they will always have people they like more. i feel like a baby. i feel like someone who will always be watching everyone else live the life i desperately want through the lens of social media while i rot alone in the house that killed me before i was born

#honey's words #this is dumb. i will probably delete. but who else could i even tell #writing in my virtual diary today... #and i am soooo fucking stressed. being with my mom in the same house is literally killing me #i screamed at the top of my lungs and shattered my phone throwing it at the ground yesterday and i juzt feel so much shame #i keep crying i keep having episodes its all going to kill me if i dont leave #my car needs fixing but my mom only wants me to make money for her as always #i just. oh my god can i just actually kill myself #and she legit juzt texted me asking for a carton of cigarettes. haha . just another $50 i need to scrounge up #by driving doordash with my car that desperately needs fixing but i can't!! BECAUSE I HAVE TO GIVE HER ALL MY FUCKING MONEY!!! #please... no more. literally no more. i have to go back to sleep bc thats the only time im not wanting to die #im scared for myself genuinely. i dont think i can make it through this time. i dont think i will survive .. i wasnt made to. god i am #two steps away from begging the lord to help me and im an atheist ahiwjsjs. there has to be some kind of relief.

[harvestar]

also getting closer to being Actually Kinda Broke so hopefully I get a start date at my new job soon and then I'm gonna do car maintenance before that start date once I know that money will be coming to replace what I spend (probably gonna be like $150 as usual but that is a lot for me esp right now)

#ktxt #it's hard to make time in a work week for maintenance and its like. several months overdue and I do want to keep my car alive sigh #tempting to be like heyyyy parents. oil change for my birthday but I don't think they have money for that either #tbh glad I haven't had to ask for much of anything yet beyond taking whatever food my mom makes/gives me #both because I don't wanna deal with that as a facet of our relationship anymore and because they are probably in a similar boat as me lol

[frozenhi-chews]

Me, asking my mom to buy me cookie ingredients: I am so sorry, I am so embarrassed, I can buy half the ingredients if you get half, I'm so sorry I'm asking AAAAAAA

My mom: Yeah sure I can get you the ingredients you need! Mom to the rescue.

Mom I freaking love you AAAAAAA

#i keep underestimating what she'd get me #even telling me that this math project is a little much. which #YEAH IT IS. I have so much money i cant buy all the cookie stuff!!! #oh thank you mom i love you so much #shes visiting me this friday with my sisters and her cousin so thats why i asked #mom. momma. i love you #the cake doth speak

[vvussyboy]

To people whose natural reaction it is to get angry/irritated at something before they hear the whole story: shut the fuck up, you’re fucking annoying

#I had to cancel my blood work today because MY DOCTOR wants my new t dose and another med in my system first #yet my mom is angry that I cancelled #my blood work was specifically FOR my testosterone levels - meaning they need to be accurate #how can they be accurate for the new dose if the blood work was taken BEFORE the new dose #like god damn maybe ask questions before essentially implying I’m a fucking lazy moron #people ask me why I want to get away from my family so bad #it’s because of small shit like this that happens DAILY #it’s because of abuse and wanting to keep myself and my parrots physically safe #it’s because they make their financial problems mine #I have them every cent I had for over ten years and somehow I still owe them money #brb kms #personal

[unearthlydream]

I’m having such a fun lil thought spiral today. Today has been going so well and I’m totally okay and fine and normal about it :,)

#I’m not aching I’m not aching everything is fine #I was so ready to take on this week and my mom has me changing plans and now I have to #take even more time off of work when I have so much to do. I have so fucking much to do and I wanna kms about it #I wish I could just quit my job but I can’t afford to without having a backup #I can barely afford to live as-is bc my household relies on me so heavily #I solely find groceries and weed and basically anything we need that isn’t a $20 purchase and I’m so tired. #and even when I ask for help supporting things it’s usually sorry I’m broke I don’t have money #my roommate has more fucking K-pop books than I have dollars in my bank account but she can’t help give me money for gas or groceries #I’m so tired I’m so sick Rickey I’m shattered and I want to cut someone but I know I shouldn’t #I just want to light a building on fire #bc simultaneously we are collectively ignoring a genocide and I’m so fuckin stuck like how am I supposed to keep living when all of this i #happening like why am I at work when bitches don’t even have clean water I should be terrorizing my local polaticians and s #doing literally anything else I’m so fucked it’s fucked fucks fucked #but ya know…. staff meeting at 2pm !!!!!! #personal

[siena-sevenwits]

.

#Maybe 84 Charing Cross Road had too strong an effect on me. As I turn my head this way and that #trying to figure out what I shall do with myself when the semester is over and ties are cut with the school I've been teaching for this pas #decade #it occurs to me that I might go - hat in hand as it were - to the old bookseller who runs my favourite used bookstore of all time. #The shop has the most wonderfully curated selection. The first time I walked in there #having been used to the used book section in value village #I almost had my breath taken away #I have to be careful not to go there too often because I am weak for spending money on books #but every Christmas I go and buy a ton as presents and usually something for myself #and I ask the owner if I can start a stack on his counter while I shop and he is always happy and comments on my finds as I bring them #He is kind and conversational on those occasions #My mom once struck up a long conversation with him when we were there together #and learned how he has owned that shop forty years or so and does not have an assistant because he's always managed on his own #And last night as I tried to fall asleep I got ridiculously ahead of myself and imagined the possibilities of employment there in #the detail of a novel without much regard for the probable realities - the realities that he has given no sign of wanting to hire and #having gone so far without an assistant probably doesn't want one #that there would be sides to the job which would likely be dreary #and that as with any job there would be all kinds of difficulties #BUT I often need these romantic imaginings to spur me on to take any kind of action. So - this might be silly - but I am thinking of doing #things the old fashioned way - of going round to the shop rather than emailing him - and asking if there is any chance that there might #be opportunities for work. It will likely all come to nothing and I'll keep looking #but I'll at least make a memory of having tried.

[captainsparklefingers]

It feels really weird doing this xD but I guess talking about asking for help/feedback/generally venting about stuff (minor or otherwise) is always gonna feel weird? Is that what I'm doing right now? I have no idea. But anyway, writing it all out will hopefully help get it off my chest and I can try to move on to practical things. Mregh.

So I'm working on a series of oneshots about the first year of Kingsley's life (it was initially gonna be just the first six months before M9 Reunited but then I had some ideas that would only make sense after that, so here we are), and I've managed to get exactly one of them done so far. Which is good! I've got a second one in the works and a list of ideas for the others, buuuut I've managed to get myself stuck in the middle of the second one. Turns out it's hard to write Caduceus and Kingsley interactions when you have nothing to base them on XD and I guess that means I need a beta/somebody to bounce ideas off of. My regular beta (who is a wonderful person and one of my closest friends and who I love very much) is busy with real life stuff like work, so I don't want to bother them, and the people I want to ask to take a look at stuff and get ideas from are busy with their own fics and projects, and I don't want to bother them either. So here we are. I have anxiety up the wazzoo for a lot of things, including this, so it feels weird just putting a Tumblr post out there asking for help with something as silly as a fanfic...

And I'm always sort of afraid of writing Kingsley 'wrong', if that makes sense. Like, I know he's not Lucien or Molly, he's himself and there are echos of them in him, but with my whole belief that the memories of the previous purples are still there (just locked up until he's ready and comfortable enough as Kingsley to take them back and not get overwhelmed by them) and they sometimes leak out (the problem traveling with your past lives family is there's plenty of triggers there for stuff to slip through the cracks without context), and I worry that that makes it seem like I'm trying to turn him into Molly when I swear that's not what I'm thinking at all. So there's THAT layer to the anxiety as well.

So here I am with one one shot done, one about halfway done that I need a bit of a push with, and a list of ideas that I haven't started in on yet because I haven't gotten the second one done, and a lot of nerves about never getting anything done. Like, I'm not even gonna tag this because this is mostly just me trying to work out my anxiety about stuff (but uh if anyone is interested in helping or looking at some Kingsley stuff lemme know I guess), and I hope it helps. I've been having a lot of anxiety and nervousness about a lot of crap lately, and compared to other stuff, this is just such a minor bullshit thing to get wound up about.

God, anxiety SUCKS, y'all. It's the stupidest most irrational thing. Like 'ooh you wanted to do this as a fun lil side project to keep the creative juices going during downtime at work NOPE YOU'RE OBSESSED AND NERVOUS NOW ENJOY FEELING WEIRD WHENEVER YOU'RE AT YOUR LAPTOP FOR UNRELATED REASONS'.

#sometimes talking about your problems into the void of the internet helps #even if they're very minor bullshit problems like 'im having trouble writing fanfic and am afraid to bother anyone about it' #like this is the least important worry in my life at the moment #there's job stress my cat's health stress my mom's health stress #money stress #stress that seems to have no cause #this is a stupid thing to worry about #but maybe I keep coming back to worrying about it because it's minor and therefore feels like it should be fixable #but I want people to like me and Im so afraid of bothering them or seeming too self centered #and trying to ask internet strangers for help on something you're emotionally invested in can be a mixed bag #ughhhhhh #i miss having a therapist even if my last one stopped being effective ages ago