#my mum tried to suggest I’m autistic and it’s no mum I relate to almost none of the symptoms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rimurutempest-bounced · 5 years

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questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

if so, what are yr favourite stims?

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")?

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you?

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

#long post #mental health #actuallyautistic #chronic illness #borderline personality disorder #about me #idk #shitborderlinesdo

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letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years

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nys affordable health insurance

"nys affordable health insurance

nys affordable health insurance

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Does anyone know of cheap insurance?

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My friends got an 02 Acura RSX 5 speed and he pays like $600/month and the car has some engine mods. We are both 17 except he has a couple tickets. I called 3 different insurance companies and they all quoted me around $750 a month. the car in question was a 76 Chevrolet Camaro with an automatic trans and 350ci v8 (though the vin would probably indicate a 267ci v8) why is the newer car cheaper to insure? with a manual trans? kids these days dont appreciate the old cars like I do and stick with Honda and Acuras and those are the ones I actually see getting wrecked. I wouldn't get full coverage on the old car because if it were to wreck i'd just get another as they aren't worth fixing and are a dime a dozen it's not really a rare classic car. I understand that engine size might be a factor. The rsx is lighter and has a smaller engine but the Camaro is much heavier with a bigger engine. Would a z28 cost more? (already upgraded to 350 and upgraded suspension from factory) I didn't ask the insurance on that. What about the Pontiac Firebird of the same years? (70's to '81) it shares a similar setup. When I ask the insurance people how they calculate their rates they say its the area and experience of the driver but me and my friend live in the same area, he's had his license longer but has tickets. His car also costs way more. They could not give me any more info on rates they say they're just there to quote and don't know anything else. So why is this like this?""

So is the car insured or the person? can i deliver pizzas on someone elses insurance/car ?

hi i have been given a good opportunity to start working and a great friend willing to lend me their vechicle to deliver pizzas, reall good friend. the car is insured and i live with friend if that makes a difference anyone know for sure ? Do we got to let the insurance company know or what ??""

What is a good place to get cheap SR-22 Insurance in the state of Utah?

Why are my insurance quotes so high?

20 year old male toronto ontario G2 issued oct 2011 G1 DEC 2010 car 2003 toyota celica never been insured before quotes came up as 12000-16000/year i tryed it with a 4 door honda accord and it was 10000/year, i tryed 3 websites. Also is there an easier way to find auto insurance around toronto?""

Can you buy back an insurance write off in Ontario?

I have 3rd party insurance only on my car. Someone went into the back of me & has admitted fault. They asked if they could try to settle without going through insurance companies but they are taking too long to get back to me with an offer to settle. I have been to get some bodywork quotes but have been told that it will probably be an insurance write off. The amount they give me will not enable me to buy the standard of car that I want & I don't want to put any more to it. Can I buy back an insurance write off in Ontario? The damage is only to the bumper & rear door but will cost too much to repair. Thanks for any help.

Should my auto insurance company waive my deductible?

I recently was rear-ended by an uninsured driver. My insurance company assessed the damage at $1019.04, my collision coverage has a deductible of $1000 so my insurance company closed my claim and made payment of just $19.04. As I am a California resident, my policy includes the Collision Deductible Waiver. Are my insurance company therefore liable to waive my deductible and cover the full cost of my damages? If so, what should I do next?""

How much is teen car insurance?

how much would it be for teen car insurance? im a 17 y/o female in Long Island, NY good grades and will be taking the defensive course first. thanks""

I want to buy a car insurance on my own and i am 18 years old.?

I want to buy a car insurance on my own and i am 18 years old. and i am going buy an used car (130,000miles). I get just have my driving license. i am a no experience driver. I live in EDISON NJ 08837, is it possible my car insurance is high than $2000/ year?""

Cheapest Car Insurance - Canada?

Need a cheap car insurance... Don't spout off answers if you have no idea... I've researched: TD, RBC, CAA, AllState and Statefarm Living in Ontario!""

Insurance Quotes With AAA ?

I requoted myself online with AAA, I've been with them for 9-10 years or so. And by filling out the same information with same coverages, I will save much more. Will AAA give me that new rate or am I stuck with my same rate. I hate calling customer service..""

Can you have a Drivers license without a car and insurance?

I'm asking this because I'm 20 (I will be 21 next week) I live in Arizona, I have the Asperger syndrome. when I was 16 I took the permit test and failed it and never attempted it again until last Monday and failed by one question, took it today and passed, because I have Asperger syndrome I was not interested in driving but tried the permit test when I was 16 and failed and my brother talked me into trying it again last Monday failed tried again today and passed, now I'm interested in driving. I live with my parents and I receive SSI income of $350 a month and have no job. that last sentence is the reason why I asked this question. will it cost anything (if so how much a month) to have a license and not own a car or have insurance""

Does the cost of insuring a car go down when you turn 18?

is it worth waiting a couple of months to my eighteenth birthday to get cheaper car insurance? thanks guys!

""Will the Government help us financially, with affordable health insurance plans?""

Since it's required by law in 2014 to have health insurance, will the US Government help pay for health insurance for your average family of four? Or any Non-Profits possibly, because, it's either food or insurance which is at least $400.00/month (through employer), plus all the co pays, deductibles of $7000.00+, major increases in food/gas,costs of living, with only $1.50/hr salary increase in five years. Seems to me health insurance should be affordable depending on annual income, and reasonable enough in price or there's just no way to live hear anymore, so can the Government help at all?""

Car Insurance 19 years old question?

I am planning on buying a car soon. I am 19 years old and I live with my parents. If the car is in my name, can the insurance be put in my parents name to make it cheaper? If not, what other options do I have? I've did some researching on quotes and I will have to pay like over $2000 every 6 months if its in my name but WAY less if its in theirs. All answers are appreciated.""

Health insurance?????????????????????...

should government help on health insurance? y or y not?

Least cost in teen insurance for either buying or leasing a car in NY?

Am i better off leasing a new or used car like a honda accord, toyota corolla or is it cheaper for the insurance to buy an Audi a3""

""Coverage characteristics of usaa auto insurance, allstate home insurance, tricare health insurance, aflac disa?""

need to find coverage characteristics on coverage characteristics of usaa auto insurance, allstate home insurance, tricare health insurance, aflac disability insurance, prudential life insurance......need help quick , coverage characteristics on all the above ASAP""

How much are you paying for your kids car insurance?

Recently, I brought my daughter a 2002 Camaro v6 for 7,800 with taxes included. I pay 127 dollars a month for insurance. She is about to be 16 and able to drive on her own. She is very responsible, gets great grades and has very few friends. How much do you pay for your child's insurance? I heard that buying them a sports car would make the insurance go very high but that hasn't been the case.""

I am retired federal employee & want info on car insurance rates?

""If i just got my permit, can i drive my moms car without insurance?

I just got my permit and want to drive my moms car. Do i have to be on her insurance if i only have a permit?

nys affordable health insurance

How to get health insurance?

how does a student (college) go about getting health insurance? i used to be on my sisters insurance but she is currently not working there anymore and has lost her insurance, therefore am not covered anymore. How do i get health insurance?? thanks""

Cheapest bikes for insurance?

I'm 19 and want to take my CBT early next year and start riding motorcycles. Im tired of paying thousands of pounds for car insurance but need some sort of transport as i commute a lot in town for my work so a motorbike seemed the logical solution. I have been getting quotes for a few bikes and the cheapest i have got is 500 TPFT on a yamaha YBR. I like the look of the yamaha but is this one of the cheapest bikes to insure? A few sinnis bikes have come close to this price but have read mixed reviews online, would love to hear off anyone who owns a sinnis bike about what they think of them. Also the cheapest insurance company i can find is Scooters & Bikes, if anyone knows any other cheap insurance companies i would love to hear them.""

Are health care insurance premiums?

Are health care insurance premiums, long term health care insurance premiums, and the cost of prescription drugs an allowable federal tax deduction? I think I'm getting some bad advice from a friend of mine concerning tax preparation.""

Does auto insurance cover a person or an automobile?What if someone drives your insured car and they have none

If you drive someone's car who has insurance on their car but you don't have any auto insurance and you get in a wreck does their insurance cover it or could you get a ticket ...show more

What is the cheapest car insurance company in orlando?

We are buying a 1995 mobile home (14X70). Does anyone have any idea how much insurance would be in Alabama?

How much is car insurance for a new female independent driver in the UK?

I was just wondering how much it costs for a new female to get insurance on a car .. anyone have a ny ideas ... and is 1.1 L engine big enough for a new driver answers needed asap please !! xx

Where can I get the Cheapest Car Insurance Quotes at Online?

How can I find the cheapest car insurance for me? I just got my first car and I know I will prolly pay a lot for insurance but how can I check for deals? I am on a really tight budget but at the same time, I only have a second-hand car so I gotta make sure I get insurance that will pay out if I need to make a claim. Where can I get the cheapest car insurance for my car at, and how reliable is it if I need to claim?""

What is the best Life Insurance company?

I'd like to get my mom some life insurance as she just turned 61. I'd like to know the cheapest/legit place to get life insurance for her. Any suggestions?

Can I get a car insurance policy for a car that is not under my name?

My father used to pay for the car insurance, then he decided to stop paying when the policy is done. I was wondering if I could get a new quote from a different insurance while the car is still under his name?""

Why is car insurance so expensive for 18 year olds?

I passed my test yesterday, but insurers are being sharks again and charging thousands of pounds for something we might not need, and charging thousands (2600-23,000) for a small car which isn't even worth 1500. I have been riding a motorbike for 2 years beforehand, but no insurer seems to care. What is the best way for someone like me who needs to get on the road because of his job, to get a cheaper quote online? I've done basically everything.""

Does driving school affect insurance rates when over 21 in Massachusetts?

I am 21 and have never held a drivers license before. I would like to get it now, but I do not want to take the classroom portion of driving school, just the road lessons. However, my father would add me to his insurance plan since I'm still living with him until I complete college and grad school. He is worried about insurance rates being too high without driving school. Would this affect my insurance rates since I am over 21?""

What is online insurance?

onlin insurance pr5ocess and ways and meaning

I need car insurance!!!!?

Is there any cheap car insurance providers that are really cheap for a teenager???

Car insurance question for military...?

We are in the military so the rules are a little different for us. For example, even though we just moved to TX, we can renew our tags in NC where we just came from... we don't have to change them to TX. We are going to renew our tags in NC which means our car will still be registered in NC... and we still have NC car insurance. If we get in an accident here, will having insurance in NC be a problem? Everything is registered in NC so we want to keep our NC insurance... or do we have to switch to TX?""

Should I get liability or full coverage on my car?

I have a 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix SE with 157,000 on it. I did the KBB value and got $3400 for private party and $2200 for trade in but I'm not sure how accurate that is or how much I'd get from insurance in the case of a collision. I paid $4200 for it in 2009 when it was marked at $6200. Of course, I don't owe anything on it. I've been on my mom's car insurance (I'm 21) up until now but I recently moved out and need to get my own policy. Unfortunately, I don't have the greatest driving record; I had a rough first year of driving in 2007/2008 and I'm still paying for it. I've been paying $180/month for full coverage with Allstate. I got quotes from other companies and I found one (AIA, a local insurance company) that offered me liability insurance for $100 down and $100 a month for 10 months. The next lowest I found was $145/month with Progressive. With AIA, I can get full coverage for $222 down and $190 a month. I haven't had an accident since 2008, and I'm confident about my driving skills, but I don't want to screw myself over. I don't have $3400, or even $2200, to buy a new car if something happened to this one. However, my car is 9 years old, so I don't know if it's even worth it. What should I do?""

HELP! Insurance company trying to low ball estimate?

Back in April I was driving and a lady tried switching lanes and struck my vehicle. I immediately went to an auto body shop and got an estimate for the damage, they took photos and everything. I've been contacting her insurance and dealing with this for over two months... I had to send them the police report because the woman tried lying and said I hit her, so I had to prove she was at fault. They would never return my calls. Until I talked to the field adjuster. He then called me yesterday told me he got the estimate from the body shop which was one of their recommended shops, and was mailing me the check for the damage. However he failed to tell me the check he was sending was for $1000 less than the estimate. I don't agree with this, what do I do? I called and no one will call me back from the company Also, I own my car outright. It's a 2004 tiburon is excellent condition. The insurance company was giving me issues about me wanting the check sent to me. I plan on getting the damages repaired that are necessary but leaving what isn't and keeping the money that's left over. I'm not even making them get me a rental for the time I don't have the car! Please help The company is American family.""

A question about Group Medical Insurance and Life Insurance?

ok my friend will be working @ braums as a full-time .. and she told me that she will get life and medical insurance without even paying for them.. is that true? so lets say she cut her hand and now she need to have a surgery does that really mean that she will get surgery for free? and whats the difference between Group Medical Insurance and Life Insurance? and if she is not right that can u tell me how does it work? here is the link read the benefits @ the top of the page

Been priced out of insurance AGAIN!!?

Ok thought i would be getting a car, but kept on getting 6,000-8,000 quotes which is ridiculous. So then i thought o well lets leave the car alone for a few years. Found a fantastic bike that i tested for 1,500 LEXMOTO XTR S 125. Drum role please INSURANCE 2,000!!! people told me i was suppose to be getting 500 odd for insurance for a 125cc bike. i live in london :|. age:17""

Car Insurance Change?

Hi. I currently own a car insurance with Commerce Insurance Company. It will be expiring this month end. I am thinking to change to Progressive Insurance starting next month. Will this switching of Insurance will be a smooth process? please advice the steps. thanks

Are there any penalties for tricking your car insurance company?

My friend has been living & working in NYC for the past 5 years, but she's been telling her car insurance company that she never moved from Georgia to keep paying low rates and she never changed her driver's licence from Georgia to NY. But she drives her car here in NY every day so how did she manage this? If they found out would she get fined or anything?""

How much do you pay for car insurance?

I live in new jersey, 20 years old, I drive a 1996 oldsmobile, and I'm on my boyfriends parents insurance paying 115$ a month, my boyfriend and I share the car, he's 23 & the insurance was originally 80 then it went to 115$ because his sister got in an accident...I would like to know how much do you pay & what's your insurance company?""

After you sell your car do you get your insurance back?

my car has failed M.O.T and can't be fixed as its to much would i have to pay my car insurance off or get back what ive payed so far

""Compare car insurance with health insurance, car insurance is a law, health insurance isn't why?""

car insurance is a law right? and I know a lot of people that have a very difficult time paying car insurance since it's so high, but it seems like insurance companies are making a lot of money, NOW how can we compare that to health insurance if it became a law to have to have it. You would hope that health insurance would be more affordable since more people are putting money into the pot right, but I am afraid but it being a law, the rich (insurance companies will get richer) and raise the cost of health insurance since it's a law. Maybe our solution would be to have our government give us tax breaks on health insurance premiums and some how get more for our money with health insurance. It's sad that you have to spend $500.00 a month for health insurance but still have to pay office visits and wait 6 months for preexisting problems. Maybe the solution is to have better health insurance options, right? Isn't that what McCain wants?""

Does anyone know what the average insurance cost for a 2004 Dodge Ram is?

I just bought a beautiful 2004 dodge ram quad cab 4x2 4.7 V8 and i have quotes that range from $165- $303 per month. If you have a similiar truck to mine, how much is the average insurance payment, and what company do you use? I head AAA and 21st Century were pretty good?""

nys affordable health insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/home-insurance-companies-evil-luis-wolfe/"

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fairplayforwomen · 7 years

Text

I am a transgender woman.

I was born a girl.

Lucky for me I was born a girl whose parents understood pretty much that what kids generally want to do is wear wellies, and shorts or dungarees, and involve themselves in complicated experiments and construction work at the end of the garden.

Unlucky for me that tricky incidents like bridesmaidship and weird uncles happened sometimes. Unlucky that the primary school I went to had a line down the middle with girlie games on our side, and boyish games on theirs and, when it was time for sport, the boys got to wear shorts (which I wore when I wasn’t doing school sports) and the girls had to wear silly little wraparound skirts which, in any kind of athletic behaviour or windy weather, could be termed flaparound, un-wraparound skirts.

It got rather more awful.

We found the world densely peopled with men telling us it was the permissive age

That continued to be the case at secondary school, although it got rather more awful when we were all trying to work out how to deal with first periods.

This was the early seventies, the ‘permissive era’, the heyday of Jimmy Savile, and if you weren’t there to experience it, let me tell you he didn’t stand out as particularly unusual back then. As we turned from girls into young women, we found the world densely peopled with men telling us it was the permissive age, that we could do this, and this, and that, and telling us in ominous detail what was wrong with us if we refused to do this, this and that.

More members of my family were to some extent autistic than weren’t.

I knew as autistic people generally do, it wasn’t me. I was called a tomboy and a rebel

Looking back from the age of about forty, looking carefully with the help of my daughter, who was at the time learning to deal with a child with quite pronounced autistic traits, I finally understood that more members of my family were to some extent autistic than weren’t. I’d never realised because I’d been given to understand that autistic people don’t notice or even don’t have emotional reactions, that they miss subtle signals, don’t do empathy – whereas I had always struggled to find my place in what seemed to me a maelstrom of human emotions, actions and reactions.

I could see precisely what people were trying to be, and trying to get me to be, I just knew – as autistic people generally do, that it just wasn’t me. I was called a tomboy and a rebel and all the rest of it.

Sexual power games gave me about as much freedom as a whip gives a dominatrix.

No amount of whip-waving will win you a dollar on the price

I didn’t want to be a bloody rebel. I just wanted to find a place I could relax.

I did try out all the girlie stuff, including the sexual power games, briefly, as a teenager. I looked right – I was tall and willowy at a time when tall and willowy was fashionable but what I discovered was that the ways and wiles of the kind of creature I was supposed to be gave me about as much power and freedom as a whip gives a paid dominatrix. As one famous whore once put it, no amount of whip-waving will win you a dollar on the price.

I rejected that along with everything else.

I had to settle for being a gender-rebel. I had a go at being a lesbian

I rejected that along with the idea of being religious, of being academic, of being sporty, of everything else I most desperately tried and then put down.

I had to settle for being a ‘rebel’ as it seemed to be what I was seen as whatever I did. And that included being a gender-rebel. Seventies girls were allowed to be sexily boyish – but not to be in any way mannish.

I had a go at being lesbian and gave a decent woman a hard time discovering I wasn’t much good at that either. In adulthood, I failed to hold down job after job. It was only really at menopause that I learned how to put down all the gender crap and be a person.

I do what I like now. I’ve even gone back to experiments in engineering.

I went to a girls’ school, and so engineering never got mentioned

I do what I like now, which mostly entails doing what men do because it’s easier, cheaper and more practical. Trouble is, career and financial failures all down the line mean I don’t have the kind of income a man of my socio-economic background might expect to have. That’s because I’m not a man. I’m a woman.

I never became an engineer for one thing – it was what I used to do in the garden when I was a kid but I went to a girls’ school, and so engineering never got mentioned. I didn’t even know it was a thing.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am learning how to be me. I’ve even gone back to experiments in engineering at the end of the garden.

Everyone else had decided a woman was. I know what a woman is now, and I love it.

I never really was a woman by gender. Few women are. It’s a social construct

The key was coming to understand that the only reason being a bit autistic was ever a serious problem for me (social embarrassment, the noises in the walls, occasional panic attacks due to over-stimulation – these aren’t serious problems, I got the hang of them over the years) the only serious problem I ever had was what everyone else had decided a woman was. I know what a woman is now, and I love it.

I love my daughter, I love having grandchildren, I love that I’ve learned to be friends with women in the way that women are, I love my sewing machine and knitting needles as much as I love my shovel and wheel barrow – but now, as an older woman, I no longer get into trouble for rejecting my gender – all the claptrap that younger women are supposed to partake of, all the claptrap I never could relate to. I never really was a woman by gender. Few women are. It’s a social construct that many struggle to manage.

As an older woman, I no longer get into trouble for rejecting my gender.

Women tiptoe into gender-divergent after menopause, when they will get less flack

The answer I found was to be a gender-divergent, or gender-critical, or transgender woman. Many women are. A large minority, possibly even a majority, tiptoe into that territory after menopause, when they will get less flack for it.

It’s a terrible and dangerous thing to get sex & gender mixed up. I understand.

I worry that many autistic youngsters are being steered down the road of ‘sex-change’

It’s a terrible and a dangerous thing to get sex and gender mixed up, especially if you take steps as a result that aren’t easily reversed. I understand that, I really do. I worry myself silly now that many autistic youngsters are being steered down the road of a medical/surgical ‘sex-change’ long before they have a chance to learn what I learned. What most of them need is a ‘gender change’. What surgeons do would not have worked for me, it will not work for many.

When my mum died, as distressed and out-of-kilter with the world as she’d almost always been, I coasted for a year in a kind of shock, then sank into the blackest depression I’ve ever known. How much of her plight was my fault for being all wrong? Was my life now an irreversible ruin? How could I ever feel love again, if I did not love what I was? … I do understand how all this can seem impossible to face and to deal with.

Women’s spaces, women’s bursaries, women’s groups, sex-specific record-keeping:

These things are necessary to help women be women without injury

But depression is, if you’re lucky and spot the signs, a dark road back into the light. Another thing I understand, now I’ve sorted out who I am, is that women’s spaces, women’s bursaries, women’s groups and sex-specific record-keeping, all the things that help women deal with the consequences of being female, of being the child-bearers and usually the carers, and all the rest of it – all these things are necessary to help women be women without injury.

The women’s movement needs to explain that you can change your gender.

We understand precisely the traumas and dramas of trying to change your gender

One of the things the women’s movement needs to do now is define anew and preserve their spaces and practices. Some of those facilities may be amenable to gender-divergent men. We need to state publicly and clearly which ones are, which ones are not and, in each case, why.

Another thing the women’s movement needs to do is explain to the world that you can change your gender (and that feminists have been saying that, and doing that, for years), we understand precisely the traumas and dramas of trying to change your gender and be accepted by society.

We understand that it took men in general a lot longer to get their heads round it – but many did, via glam-rock in the ’70s, and the ‘gender-bending’ of the ’80s and ’90s.

Women know about changing gender. We also know you can’t change your sex.

We need to support gender-divergent women, and men need to do some serious work

Oh yes, we know about changing gender – but we also know you can’t change your chromosomes, and your chromosomes determine your sex. Instead, I suggest women need to give better support to gender-divergent women, and men need to do some serious work on finding out what men need, especially what gender-divergent men need, in order to live without injury.

Being gender-divergent I am a transgender woman. I was born a girl. Lucky for me I was born a girl whose parents understood pretty much that what kids generally want to do is wear wellies, and shorts or dungarees, and involve themselves in complicated experiments and construction work at the end of the garden.

#autism #gender critical #gender divergent #gender rebel #kay green #transgender

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