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#my odds aren’t favorable atm

woodgroth6 · 2 years

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Windshield Repair - Which Method Is The?

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#CRACKTIMES.NET

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aclosetfan · 3 years

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15 and No Problem, again,🙃

(ask game)

15 is eloquently titled "Pimped" (which is funny, so hold on). it's a semi-fake dating au b/c Buttercup and Bubbles aren't privy to the fake they are fake dating people (or even dating at all).

I've got a whole four sentences for the outline, but they aren't funny or descriptive, so I won't paste them in. It's not well thought out and needs a LOT of work. It's just one of those stories that live in my head.

oof this is again a no power au. I swear I have power-focused au's they just haven't been picked!!! If I wrote this out, I don't think it would be longer than five chapters.

Background:

The girls are in college. Blossom's going for some complicated science degree I haven't worked out yet. Bubbles is going for a bio degree with plans to go to vet school (with an art minor). Buttercup is Undecided atm b/c I have zero ideas what she'd go to school for outside of "wouldn't it be funny if Buttercup were a nurse?" (I usually see her in healthcare/emergency services/sports)

Plot:

Blossom's STRESSED. She's got three papers, one group project, two presentations, and a research assignment due by the end of the semester, and that's excluding the finals she has to study for!! Sure, sure, sure, she's got plenty of time, but that doesn't make her any less stressed. It certainly doesn't help that her sisters keep bugging her without an end! She wants one moment of peace so she can crank out her work, but they won't leave her alone!! At her wit's end, she is forced to resort to more...drastic measures to get her sisters to lay off.

There's a rumor--a really horrible one--that a guy on campus has the means to offer her sisters a "distraction." The biggest problem though is Blossom's savior is actually the bane of her existence and ex-lab partner, with who she may or may not have gotten into a physical altercation. (i.e Brick Jojo.) It takes an insane amount of money, the promise to complete two of his assignments for him, and her biochem outlines to acquire his help.

His help? What did Blossom pay for? lol his brothers. She pays them to "distract, date, I don't care, just keep them out of my hair!" her sisters. Usually, Brick sells his brothers off to desperate sorority girls who still need a date for their sorority Date Party or people trying to make their ex's jealous. Butch and Boomer go along with it because as a family they're poor as shit, and with Brick in school, they need all the extra cash they can get. Does the title make sense now?

Brick makes it clear that his brothers aren't for sex (but if it ends up like that, hey, not his problem). Blossom doesn't want them for that. She just needs them to distract her sisters long enough so they stop bugging her about "getting things to eat" or "getting enough sleep" or other pointless things along those lines while she's working on school stuff. When Brick's like "why don't you ask their friends??" Blossom's like, "because their friends will rat me out! And I can't have that! I need things to be discrete." Brick (a professional scam artist at this point) is like, "oof actually discretion is going to be an extra few meal swipes into the cafe." Which Blossom, who doesn't understand she's being suckered, is like "whatever it takes."

The majority of the story follows Boomer who's pissy he has to pretend to date someone AGAIN. He discovers that Bubbles is perfectly fine just having a friend around. She's a little odd, talks to the squirrel's on Brick's campus, and is way more adventurous than she looks. She can out-drink burly men at the bars, she thinks graffiti is cool and would like to give it a try with him, and is interested in learning more about drag racing. She pulls him into all sorts of odd, but very exciting happenstance, and before he knows it, he's developed a crush on the clientele! (and he's pretty sure his crush is reciprocated)

He doesn't ask Butch much about his experience, but he also doesn't see much of Butch after he starts hanging out with Bubbles because they're being paid to be discrete and need to keep the girls separated. Everything's going to plan. And no one's the wiser.

Until, ya know, we finally cut to Buttercup's pov. She knows exactly who these boys are because Blossom isn't the only one who pays attention to on-campus rumors. In fact, she's pretty sure she's even seen Butch at a few parties before grinding on half the female population. She doesn't know why this guy is hanging around her, but she's biding her time to find out.

Poor Butch has a harder time than Boomer does with Bubbles. It takes him forever to get her to even acknowledge his assistance (which is pissing off Blossom, which is, in turn, pissing off Brick). He almost has her convinced that he's not pulling her leg, but slips, after she admits she "may like him back too" and accidentally reveals the truth. Buttercup's pissed. She lays Butch out with a mean right hook and goes searching for Bubbles. When Bubbles find out, she also gives Boomer a black eye, and together the girls confront the reds (who are studying together by this point in the story). ("YOU PAID SOMEONE TO PRETEND TO LIKE US!" "Well, when you put it that way it sounds bad!")

Buttercup and Bubbles pull a hard cold shoulder on Blossom and the boys. And Blossom looks a Brick and goes, "you better fix this." Brick's like "sorry no refunds." She fucking decks him.

So, we end up with three brothers, who are all sporting an identical nasty black eye like, "maybe we should have thought this through?" Butch and Boomer go on strike--no more pimping them out (their little hearts are broken), and Brick's like "shit." He meets up with Blossom at one point, and together they try to figure out how to get into the good graces of their siblings once more. Meanwhile, Butch and Boomer hunt down BC and Bubbles to win their favor.

And because Idk how "winning their favor again" would exactly work, I'm ending this post here. The ending isn't clear yet, but I plan on making it happy :)

#funny sad #idk how to explain this but i want the vibe to be #eh writing this out now tho i can't say it's my fave #you win some you lose some #my outlines #my writing #ppg fic outlines #outline ask game #thanks for playing!

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spelldoncauldronello · 3 years

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Hey Spelldon. This is kind of an odd ask, but I was just wondering if you had any tips for completing assignments for school. I've been having a hard time keeping up with everything and I am extremely stressed, especially with the way my mental health is atm. Obviously don't bother with me if you don't have any advice, you're not at all obligated to answer :)

“You are welcome to ask whatever you like. All are friends here. I give this advise with a grain of salt. I am not the best student, nor do I complete all of my assignments. However, I would find a pattern that works best for you.”

“If you are they type of monster that has a lot of energy when you first get home from school, I would start with the assignment that takes the most energy or the most time. That way, you can take save the easy and short assignments for when you are less inclined to complete them.”

“If you have less energy, a lot to do, or you are just having a very rough mental day, you should start with the shorter assignments or the classes that you enjoy. The difficult or long ones, break them up. If you have to do 50 questions, do 25 and take a break and then do the other 25.”

“The one thing you should never do is put off till later. You will not be doing yourself any favors. If you have to neglect an assignment, neglect the ones that aren’t worth as much to the total weight of your grade. I wouldn’t make a habit of this, but it helps when you just have far to much. It gives yourself permission to lighten your load.”

“If you are having difficulty, PLEASE go to your counselor. They are there to help. They might be able to suggest tutoring or give you better resources to help manage your stress and mental health where you need support.”

#Anonymous

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mcnypieces · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( They’re missing out )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( It’s subjective )

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO? ( This is... also subjective. )

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

How strictly do you follow canon?

As closely as possible, considering there’s not very much to work with in regards to his canon to begin with. There’s a lot of freedom in picking up any kind of minor canon character. I look mainly to expand on what little is present. I adore fleshing out even the smallest ideas so having something I can comfortably build on is great.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

Pica is loyal, beyond anything. Strong, well-built, and never wavering. Regardless of the situation, he is always on task, diligent to the last moment and perhaps longer. Devotion and collected functionality make a grand guardian. Always acts as a pillar; a collected foundation of a man centered around dedicated familial values. Being in contact with stone makes him nigh invincible, granting him not only the protective assimilation but the literal stature and appearance of a stone goliath given enough material. Strategic with respectable swordsmanship, constantly protective of what’s important. He’s nice on the eyes, quiet, and a good listener. There’s order and beauty laced within all that cataclysmic chaos just waiting to be found.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

Distant, stoic, absolutely terrible with expression that isn’t hateful and violent. Pica is very strict, lacking a sense of humor. His voice is extremely disruptive. The smallest remarks set his short fuse alight and it burns on and on until there’s nothing left. That murderous intent settles for very few things, and getting him to open up is a long, grueling process. He’s self-conscious but in an overbearingly cocky way, in that pride often masks everything genuine. He thinks very highly of himself and looks down on other people constantly. He’s uncooperative, constantly wrapped up in solemn business, and heavily against indirect methods. Abrasiveness is a weapon and he uses it without remorse. Stubbornness and general unwillingness to speak with strangers make attempting to converse with him the equivalent of talking to a wall. Pica is impatience, wrath, and apathy tied together with coarse cobblestone.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

As odd as it sounds, I found certain parts of Pica relatable in very specific, personal ways. People never took me seriously when I was upset because I was so small ( sometimes they still don’t dskdsks- ). For awhile when I was younger my voice was really deep and hoarse due to adenoid issues. Speaking in general was hard, because breathing was hard. It made me sound very masculine, especially over any kind of voice-only system. Normally adenoids aren’t an issue at that point because they’re vestigial and tend to essentially be shrunk down to nothing. But something ( probably fighting off infections and never shrinking/bad allergies, nobody knows ) blew mine up and they were blocking 3/4ths of my airway for ages without anyone having any idea what was going on until it got bad enough to the point it was obvious something was wrong. I couldn’t have any stuffed animals in my room because it was legitimately dangerous and a lot of my non hypoallergenic stuff had plastic covers on it. Made me really sad. Eventually they were surgically removed, and it cleared up my breathing and in time my voice was relatively normal. Before then, nothing felt worse to me then than struggling to breathe trying to defend myself in tandem with all the emotional stress it brought on me.

I was always quiet and distant otherwise, and a lot of people thought I was just weird and unapproachable ( unless you wanted a laugh, anyway ). There were days before I made my small group of good friends I’d just spend sitting under the stairwell up against a wall eating lunch by myself. I’m probably one of the few people that listened to Pica talk for the first time and didn’t immediately burst into laughter. I didn’t completely click with him at that point, but watching that one little thing turn into a running gag constantly coming back to undermine everything else that was amazing about him really set my feelings in stone... pun completely intended. I’ve loved him ever since. That inspiration and adoration has only grown with time.

What keeps your inspiration going?

Quite a few things. Aside from the constant love pouring from my being, I love looking at highly detailed stonework. It’s beautiful. Scrolling through rolling mountain landscapes, listening to certain songs, daydreaming in between sentences. I never really lose inspiration for Pica. Something new hits me every day in the most mundane tasks. A lot of it does go unshared, but some of it is personal and other times I simply don’t have the energy or reason. Very well I could be brimming with inspiration for him all day and have nowhere really to put it without excess. Getting opportunities to do so really makes me smile, though. It’s amazing how much being invested in a character will keep your inspiration at an all time high even when you’re having a rough time. Sometimes all it takes is just an extra comment from someone else or an occurrence or some kind of image to put you right back on track. For me, seeing any kind of lovely stonework or abandoned, run down places really sets my inspiration for him in motion.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO ( I would hope so! )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( I’m always thinking of new ones! )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO ( It’s been awhile, though... )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES!! / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( Generally speaking, I try to be! )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

Actual criticism, yes. I don’t mind it. At the same time, however, I’m really just here to have a good time ─ as is everybody else. Growing and developing my writing is always a bonus when I’ve the experience here in an environment I’m comfortable with, but critique isn’t exactly something I go hunting for. I’m here to write the characters I love and adore and honestly, sometimes, it’s better to have the freedom to do things as you wish without the worry of receiving it, no matter how well-intended it may be. It’s all chill times and good vibes doing what we enjoy most.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

Absolutely! I love randomly being sent things that keep me thinking with any character. I’m always looking for little intricacies and tidbits to really bring them to life. Sometimes it takes a bit for me to think of something appropriate but I always appreciate the brain candy when it comes to new details! It goes without saying that I’ll happily accept anything that gives reason to my constant, aimless musings related to Pica.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

Yes and no? I always love hearing other ideas on why someone else’s headcanons differ from my own. For all I know it might be enough to change my mind or, at the very least, give me a different perspective on something I’ve never thought about before. I’m always curious about stuff when it relates to a character I love. As long as they’re not rude about it and we’ve talked to the point it’s not out of the blue, it’s okay. On the other hand, it doesn’t really matter if someone disagrees. We all have our own headcanons and it’s very easy to be respectful about them. Despite what has already been said, there’s a high chance I’m going to keep to my own headcanons as they are regardless, because I put a lot of thought and heart into them. Someone disagreeing with them at face value isn’t going to make me up and throw all that work in the trash just like that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

That’s okay. There are plenty of different ways to interpret a character. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever portrayal they so choose, so long as they’re not bashing anyone outright. I would much prefer that be something that’s kept to oneself, however. It’s very easy to simply ignore something you don’t agree with, and it’s just as easy to be kind about things when expressing your own thoughts in comparison with theirs. Plus, there’s always making your own blog and writing whoever however you please! Someone out there is bound to enjoy whatever portrayal you prefer. ♥

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

Not personal, certainly, unless it was somehow directed at me personally. It’s very understandable. There’s a lot of potential present for actual progressing development, but on the surface Pica is very dislike-able. It’s very clear his purpose was to act as a stepping stone for another major character’s development and there wasn’t much left beyond that. Of course it’s always a sad thing being hopelessly attached to a character like that but as an avid lover of what are often viewed as very minor, niche characters, it’s something I’m very much used to. Perhaps not intense hate in every case, per se, but underappreciated. It just so happens that Pica is... not exactly a good person, putting it kindly. But that’s just another reason I love him so much as a character.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

Sure! Though chances are I’ve probably already noticed at that point and have been embarrassed about it/fixed it. I’ve probably made many over the years and also not realized it. Most of the time it’s something minor anyway, and a lot of people just naturally read it as it’s supposed to be read. So there’s no trouble!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

I’d certainly like to think so! I tend to be very patient and accommodating. I wholeheartedly stand beside the idea that RPing is meant to be fun and enjoyable and not something that causes more stress. People should take their time with things and set their own pace. Being comfortable is part of what makes RP the wonderful hobby that it is. Really that applies to any hobby, but there are many little things that can turn someone away from doing something they love at any given time. There’s nothing that would hurt me more than unintentionally making something someone enjoys a chore for them. I try my best to make sure everyone knows that I’m really just a chill little bun having a good time doting on characters I love. Pica might not be cordial, but I certainly try to be!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

tagged by. @tenyxshx ─ thank you flamingo nerd ♥ ilu

#♠ // * etc ( pica. )#❥ // * passing bottles off the walls ( games. )#❥ // * ever running on stories of the sea ( long post. )#❥ // * the rabbit stowaway ( ooc. )#|| you knew I'd pick pica you heathen!#as if I'd ever NOT pick him for something like this.#''this won't be that long'' I say as it takes me an entire day to get to it.#sometimes you just get going and then you can't stop.#also this was a nice change of pace! it was fun!#clearly since I went nuts filling it out dskdkdskdks ||

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thememcry · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent ( potentially ) / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. (apparently there are youtube comments circulating about how boring or weak aerith is. if an explanation needs be provided for how strong of a woman, character, and fighter she is in her own regard then the point of the character is missed entirely.)

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. (the big baddies know of her, the little baddies know to look for her and the heroes just learned of why she’s important).

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

it depends entirely on the person / character i’m writing and what verse they’re in. when someone approaches me and doesn’t specify a verse i give them main verse (ff7r) and follow canon as closely as i’d like. but most of my threads diverge from canon for exploration or other purposes. i’m not concerned with how close to canon my aerith is ------obviously i’d like people to hear her voice when i have her speak, or see her performing the actions i have her commit to but i’d also like this interpretation to be my own. so when someone reads a piece of my writing they say oh yes, that’s kay’s aerith definitely.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.

i could make an entire post about all of the things i love about aerith gainsborough on its own, so i’ll try not to let this be too rambly.

she is such a three-dimensional character and she always has been. people expect just to meet the damsel in distress, to rely on cloud and company to help her out at every twist and turn. square even did a good job selling her appearance: soft pinks, gentle features, and when she was given a voice actor the first few times they always went the route of someone who had a lighter lilt. to the first glance she is very much all of those things. except it’s not all she is.

aerith wears masks to cover the horrendous things that happened to her as a child: experimentation, the shocking loss of her mother after escaping it, crushing loneliness, an awareness that she was different and nobody around who understood the properties of that difference to explain it to her in a way that didn’t terrify her. she heard the planet, could tell when people passed away and rejoined the lifestream, surrounded by all of these voices yet so fucking alone. and did she let it make her bitter? did she become angry or cold, jaded or cruel? no. aerith is kind and giving without being too self-sacrificing and without making her boring. she’s not as innocent as people are made to believe.

look at her first interactions with cloud. she flirts mercilessly with him, and then you discover she did it to zack, too. she’s not afraid to express herself in any fashion and she’s unapologetic about how forward and positive she is. despite all of the shitty things that happened to her, she’s still all of these great things. she’s scrappy, she can be a brat (ask the turks!) and she blooms under the cover of oppression that she lives. sure, she’s in a beautiful house with a loving mother figure but she’s in the slums and she’s being watched constantly by some part of the company that wants to see her dissected or worse.

and she’s divine. no, literally. of course it takes her death for the realization of that divinity to really be understood by the fan base and even by her own party, but once aerith dies she becomes an actual deity. it’s sad that you don’t get her in your party any more but it’s obvious how much she affected everyone she worked with (and even those she didn’t). they spend the rest of the game avenging her, they spend the rest of the game explaining their grief over her loss, promising her death won’t be in vain. and once that’s done? there’s an entire movie where cloud deals with his grief over everything, but mainly his self-appointed guilt over her death. as if he could have changed it? i mentioned to @seraphicwiing in a conversation (an au one) about sephiroth and aerith ------he didn’t kill or break her. he gifted her divinity.

so this sweet flower girl goes from a first appearance damsel in distress to an actual conduit of the planet, watching over her friends and everyone else from the spiritual plane of it. controlling the lifestream itself to rise up and crush back meteor.

if you don’t like her by this point, it’s a lost cause. honestly, just go play pacman or something.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

maybe strong female leads aren’t your cup of tea? perhaps you really wanted aerith to maintain her softness and have none of the bite or edge that i argue make her interesting?

some people want a strong woman to be something like paine in ffx-2, or lightning in ffxiii, or even lulu in ffx itself ... dark and perhaps a bit brooding, angry with someone or something. they can be gentle but they’re mostly a razor sharp edge threatening to slice anyone who tries to get close to them. aerith is arguably a hot take on the stronger female leads ... even compared to tifa. you don’t doubt that a woman who fights with her fists is a tough, bad bitch ... but aerith isn’t physically strong. she’s the image of a princess honestly and that’s just not what some people want to see or deal with.

arguably her personality can come off a bit strong. she’s snarky and, as i said, a tease. she can be bratty from time to time and that can absolutely be read as irritating, especially to someone whose looking for negative personality traits to focus on at a first glance.

and a lot of people just see her as a love interest to cloud. and she is, i won’t deny that. it’s been further addressed in the remake with her dream sequence that cloud absolutely has feelings for her. it dredges up the age-old argument from 1997 of: tifa or aerith. why does it have to be or? why can’t he love them both in different ways? or the same way? it’s not like aerith has a lot of time to be the love interest, anyway. we all know how disc 1 ended, by this point.

perhaps people see her end-game divinity as a deus-ex mechanic. sure, it kind of it. but the game never hid its intentions of why aerith was there. she was always special, we just didn’t know how. she always had holy, we just didn’t know what it meant at the time. but it does seem a bit convenient that right as the meteor is going to crush midgar ------here comes the lifestream, holding it back so holy can stop it! wow, amazing! darn that aerith and her connection to the planet. how awful. maybe cloud could have just braver’d it.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

i love her. it’s just that simple. she’s so complex and so different from other characters i tend to gravitate toward. she has a darkness but she’s good, genuinely. i usually go for people who are deeply seeded in some kind of trauma, or are just generally a piece of shit. and aerith certainly has her trauma, but she’s risen above it. she chooses to live her life as much as she can before the ultimate doom clock ticks to 0, you know?

i admire her beauty. not just her physical beauty (and she is), but the beauty of her as a person. i wish i could be as endlessly positive as she is, even faced against such awful odds. i wish i could be the kind of person who surrounds themselves with people who love them, despite their flaws. but i am very much the opposite of aerith.

i consider myself endlessly lucky to be a mouthpiece of some kind of version of her. this is a character i’ve had a connection to since i was like, 7 or 9 (and i’m 30 now). the very fact that i get to log in every day and express some form of this wonderful character keeps me connected to her. she has a loud voice in my head, and i think she always had. i think that remake just re-lit the flame for her.

i wrote her a long time ago, during myspace rp days. but we all know how myspace ended. so i choose to write her now because it feels right. and i really do enjoy having someone who shines so brightly in my head.

What keeps your inspiration going?

the same as everyone else, i think: music, clips of the character, art of her ... but mostly? my writing partners. i wouldn’t be anywhere without the people in this site who come to me every day with an interest in my interpretation of aerith. i never expected so many lovely humans to want to see what i can do with her. but i have people dm’ing me on discord every day with ideas or thoughts, with musings or what-if’s ... and it really just keeps this muse so alive for me.

even though i have a backlog of drafts and inbox things to answer, i can know that they will get done ... it’s just up to me as a human to write things out.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. (i’d prefer to write out a reply to a solo drabble).

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

in the proper context. i don’t want someone coming on here and telling me i play aerith wrong because it’s not what she would do canon. that’s cool, i don’t write her strictly canon. but if i’m having doubts and i ask for the feedback, i’m open to it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

always. i am 100% always accepting development questions.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

nope. i don’t care if you agree with my headcanons or not. i’m sure there are people who don’t like that i have a ship with a sephiroth, or a reeve, or that i’ve had her mess around with rufus or biggs. i’m sure there are people who despise the way i make her speak to people ... and that’s fine. they’re allowed to. but this is my interpretation of aerith and so far i’m loving everything that i’ve gotten to do with her. especially those things that include character building with others.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

they’re allowed to disagree. they’re also not beholden to follow me. i won’t be upset if they unfollow me. it’s their comfort, after all. and i’d rather spend time on here enjoying myself than either having someone voice their dislike of my interpretation or get vocal about how they’re uncomfortable.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

people have really hated aerith since 1997. they’re allowed to have their silly opinions of her. and i’m allowed not to entertain them.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

please do. i’m human and i make mistakes. i’d love to fix them.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

yes, but i’ve had people mention that i seem a little unapproachable. please approach me. if you want to write with me let me know. if you want to chat ooc with me talk to me. i promise i’m an absolute dimwit on my side of the screen. i’m spacy but i try to be as nice and welcoming as possible. somehow i’ve conned a few friends out of this rpc already with my idiocy, so please please please come chat with me.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

#❀ ﹙ about ﹚ « poetry bleeds from ivory bones like sweet syrup »#❀ ﹙ ooc ﹚ « what did you say? »#❀ ﹙ mun ﹚ « aaaaaaaaaaaa »

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racingtoaredlight · 3 years

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THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan 12:00pm BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse 12:00pm ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

Tennessee Tech at Tennessee 12:00pm ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt 12:00pm RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia 12:00pm FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple 12:00pm ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky 12:00pm ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana 12:00pm ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo 12:00pm ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL) 12:00pm ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma 12:00pm FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M 12:00pm SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army 12:00pm CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri 12:00pm ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado 1:00pm P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State 2:05pm ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame 2:30pm NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa 3:30pm BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest 3:30pm ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson 3:30pm ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas 3:30pm ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida 3:30pm CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State 3:30pm FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech 3:30pm CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio) 3:30pm ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State 3:30pm FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State 3:30pm P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron 3:30pm ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State 3:30pm ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers 3:30pm BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass 3:30pm FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo 4:00pm ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California 4:00pm P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke 4:00pm ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis 4:00pm ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas 4:00pm SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming 4:00pm Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington 4:15pm P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green 5:00pm ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall 6:00pm Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic 6:00pm ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty 6:00pm ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA 6:00pm ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston 7:00pm ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State 7:00pm CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia 7:00pm ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State 7:00pm ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State 7:00pm ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech 7:00pm ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF 7:00pm ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State 7:30pm RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force 7:30pm FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina 7:30pm ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon 7:30pm P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas 7:30pm Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU 7:30pm SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State 7:30pm ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama 8:00pm ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas 8:00pm LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt 8:00pm ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi 8:00pm ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM 8:00pm ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State 8:00pm FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State 9:00pm FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona 10:00pm P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU 10:15pm ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV 10:30pm CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA 10:45pm P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii 12:30am FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

#college football #football #gambling #Tv watch em ups #rtarl watches tv

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sending-the-message · 6 years

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Never Buy Cheap Computers on Craigslist by 2017Interloper

Ever notice the little lightbulb icon at the top of the MS Word screen, to the far right of all the options like File, Home, View, etc.? Well, I don’t know about yours, but mine isn’t working properly. It showed me something I didn’t want to see, and I may have used it to kill my girlfriend.

I just got a new laptop. For a broke ass grad student, finding a customized Lenovo ThinkPad b66 with 32G Ram and all the other awesome specs it comes with, WITH WINDOWS 7 INSTALLED (Huge selling point for me) for $300 was unreal. I use my laptop for gaming, streaming, work, school, you name it. I had to go check it out. I didn’t realize the b66 was a Lenovo model, but reading the tech specs on the Craigslist ad gave me a nerd boner for the ages.

The older lady who answered the phone number listed on the craigslist ad was really nice, and said it had belonged to her grandson. “He is gone now,” she told me. “I have no use for the thing. Is three hundred too much? It looks like a nice computer, at least, to me.” I could have been a total dick, and talked her down to 200. I am sure of it. But, I would have felt bad about it, and I happened to have the cash. Granted, it was all I had, but I had gas in the car, coffee, and my girlfriend and I had some things in the pantry that could pass as food, so we’d be ok for a few days. I noticed that the lady didn’t specify what ‘gone’ meant in reference to her grandson, whether he had died, moved away or what have you, and thought it a bit odd that she had mentioned it. Hey, maybe she was just a lonely old lady and I was the first person she had spoken to in a few days, right? I told her I was sorry about her grandson, went and cleaned out my bank account at the nearest ATM and sat in my car at the Evergreen Town Park where we had agreed to meet, waiting for her to show up.

I had to call my girlfriend, Alex. She and I had been talking about getting a new laptop for a while now; the one we currently shared was getting a little long in tooth. There was one we were looking at that was decent and in our price range, but I was resistant to spending any money on it, because they all come with Windows 10 now, and I freaking hate Windows 10. We settled on looking at used ones, and figured it would be cheaper that way anyway.

“Hey!” She answered. “Good timing. You just got me on my break. What’s up?”

“Well, I drained my bank account, but you are never going to guess what I just found for three hundred bucks!”

At first, she was weary about the cost but when I told her about the operating system and had her google the specs on the thing, all she could say was “damn.”

I saw the lady I was waiting for, at least, I figured it was her. She was driving a green Buick, and craning her neck, likely looking around for me and my car as I described it on the phone. She was probably feeling the slight anxiety that most people get when meeting someone from Craigslist, that ‘what if I just gave my car’s description to some serial killer’ feeling. I figured I’d not keep her waiting on me, and I was psyched about the computer. “Babe, I gotta run. I don’t want to be all rude and make this old lady wait. Love You.”

“Love You. Good find. Can’t wait to check it out.” We hung up and I got out of the car and waived at the lady in the Buick.

She rolled down her window halfway. “Are you Colin? The young man I spoke to earlier?” She asked, a little hesitantly.

“Yes ma’am, thank you for meeting me. My girlfriend and I have been looking for a good computer for a while now,” I told her, trying to small talk a little to make her feel at ease. I got the impression she was nervous or uncomfortable. Craigslist ads get a lot of bad publicity. For all the scams and bullshit that undoubtedly originate with Craigslist ads, most times when you buy secondhand things, rent an apartment or adopt a pet go without a hitch. But, those aren’t ever the ones you hear about. Plus, I’m a dude, so I don’t worry about that stuff as much as Alex does and I imagine other women might. I mean, it’s not like a bigger dude couldn’t lure me out to a dark alley and jump me or whatever, I guess it’s just not my nature to worry about things like that. If it happens, I’ll deal with it when the time comes. Then, I just wanted to make the old lady feel at ease, because she was doing Alex and me a huge favor with this cheap laptop.

She seemed a little uneasy still, but she stepped out of the car, and we walked over to the bench. She took the laptop out of the case and handed it to me. “Go on ahead and fire it up,” she said. “You can take a look and make sure it has everything it is supposed to have, and no viruses or bugs or whatever it is that steals all your information.” She smiled. “Forgive me, I don’t know much about these things. I had my daughter type out all of the information on that computer ad you found my number on. She showed me how to use Facebook on my phone, and that’s about as far as I go with this sort of thing.”

The laptop booted right up, appeared to have all the usual bells and whistles, had a full version of Microsoft Office on it (I would remember to switch the subscription to my name later) and a surface inspection of it looked fine. I told the lady as much. “It looks fantastic to me. I believe I owe you a few dollars?” I produced six fifty-dollar bills from my wallet and handed them to her, trying to be discreet. I’d rather have a casual onlooker think it was a drug deal than jump her because they saw me handing her cash.

She still looked a little uneasy as she stuck the bills in her wallet. “Thank you,” she said.

“Ma’am?” I asked, hoping that she hadn’t realized that she was practically giving the computer away. “Is everything all right?”

She sighed, barely audible. “Yes, thank you.” We got up and walked toward the parking lot. “I just…” She paused, looking as if she were trying to decide whether or not to tell me something. “My grandson… he was on the computer a lot. I can’t say for sure what got to him at the end, but… I don’t know. Just be careful,” she said warily. With that, she got back into the Buick and left.

I sat there holding my new computer and feeling kind of weird. I mean, what had happened to the kid? Had he gone into a chatroom and met some kind of creepy pedophile? Disappeared? Suicide? It really was nothing but idle curiosity and I supposed it didn’t matter anyway, but it gave me the creeps. I shook it off and drove home.

I took the computer into the apartment I shared with Alex, and set it down on the small, round kitchen table we had. It was getting dark, so it was probably around 6:00, and I was hungry. I figured Alex would grab a bite on her way home. She didn’t get off work until 10:30, and I wasn’t a great cook, nor did I feel like making pasta or a sandwich, which were currently my options. I grabbed the take-out box of last night’s Chinese and put it in the microwave. While my crappy takeout dinner reheated, I unzipped the bag the laptop was in and fired it up. There was a wireless mouse, a wall plugs, and a manufacturer’s CD-ROM that came with the computer neatly tucked into the bag with the laptop.

I shuddered a little seeing the dead boy’s name pop up with a little icon of a soccer ball. I was going to click “guest,” but I told myself I needed to access the admin account on the computer to create my own profile, run some anti malware and antivirus BS and all that. If I were being honest with myself, I wanted to snoop a little, because the lady’s comments were kind of weird. I pulled up Google, and just as I suspected, the kid’s account was still logged in. The microwave startled me when it let me know that my food was done with a pretentious little ‘ding!’ I got up and got my food and a fork, realizing that I felt guilty, like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar, thinking in that brief second that I may have been discovered snooping through a dead kid’s computer.

No. MY computer, I mentally corrected myself. I purchased it, and the previous owner just had something unfortunate happen to him. It wasn’t the computer. And it isn’t snooping, because it is my computer, and I would like to know if the kid had visited any websites or received any sketch emails that I should worry about stealing my credit cards and internet porn search history or anything like that. Right?

Right. And so, with that justification in mind, even though I wasn’t actually concerned about any of that, I went about my snooping. I was curious, and felt kind of guilty and a little spooked. There is something that feels intrinsically wrong about snooping through a dead person’s files, especially a dead kid. Maybe he hadn’t died, but I had the feeling he did, from the way his grandmother had warned me. My mind kicked into justification mode again and told me it was no different than wandering around an estate sale after someone died, and Alex brought me to those all the time. Truth be told, they creeped me out a little, too, but it’s just what people did. Best not to think about it.

Over the next few hours, I found very little, if any, surprising or suspicious activity on the computer. The kid mostly hung out in chat rooms, played WoW, had a reddit account, and had spent a lot of time on YouTube. Nothing that looked like it would be installing malware. (And, I thought, nothing to indicate the kid was suicidal or into anything weird). Somehow it felt like ghosts should have come flying out of the screen or something. None did, and I decided that none of it was my business anyway. I selected anything I found in documents, music, pictures, or on the desktop and each time hit shift+delete, so it would bypass the recycle bin and I would not be tempted to snoop. Snooping like that is sort of a rabbit hole, and one thing my mother always said when we would house sit for the neighbors or found ourselves in anyone else’s home when they weren’t home rung true with me here: ‘if you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it. Doesn’t enough trouble find us on its own?’ That was her ‘don’t snoop through shit that isn’t yours’ spiel, and she was probably right. Time to make it my own.

I wiped the signed-in account on the browser. I went in to the ‘users’ screen and created my own as an Admin, and I made sure any programs I would need to use were installed in a way that any user could access them. I signed in as me, and deleted the poor, dead kid’s account. I opened up Word, intending to sign in to my own “Office 365” Account, so the lady didn’t get charged or anything, and I went to the top of the screen for the “sign in” option.

It wasn’t there. Huh, weird, I thought. Could this have been one of those older copies of Microsoft you bought on a disc and didn’t have to pay a subscription fee for? Score again! I thought they had stopped making those. It looked pretty new, though. Weird. The front door opened, and I heard, “Hellooooo!” in Alex’s sing-songy voice.

“Hey babe.” She came in and kissed my cheek.

“So, you gonna show me this new hotshot computer of ours?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Okay, yours.”

“You can use it sometimes,” I teased. She shoved my shoulder playfully.

As I suspected, she had grabbed something from Zaxby’s on the way home. I grabbed one of the fries in her meal and savored it. Zaxby’s coats their fries in seasoned salt, and they’re freaking delicious. She slapped my hand away and whined, “Hey! I haven’t eaten since noon. Back off!” She turned away from me. “Hey…” She grabbed the wireless mouse and moved it to the top of the screen. Microsoft Word was still open.

“This a bootleg or something?” She was hovering the mouse over the top part of the ribbon, where it says ‘Home, Design, Review’ and the like. Next to those options was a little lightbulb that said “TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO” and it was blinking red.

“I don’t know, but I tried to sign in to our account, and there is no place to do that,” I told her. “What makes you say that?”

She ate another fry and thought about it. “I don’t know, it just looks different. Maybe the blinking red ‘Help’ thing?” She sat down and moved the laptop in front of her. “May I?”

“Sure.” I gestured for her to have at it. My girlfriend currently works in retail, at a department store, and a lot of people mistakenly assume that retail jobs don’t have any use for tech skills. As the Assistant Manager of her department, she used these Microsoft programs as much or more than I did.

“I can’t get over the blinking ‘TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO’ thing,” she said. “It’s weirding me out.” She clicked it and it stopped blinking.

She typed, ‘I want to get a raise at work’ and hit enter. “Let’s see what a discounted two-thousand-dollar computer with a bootleg copy of Word can do for me,” she joked.

The screen sat there loading for a minute before a pop-up appeared on the screen.

No Registered User Found. Would you like to register, Alex McCabe? (Yes, No)

“What the fuck?!” She said, scooting her chair away from the table. She looked at me.

I should have been scared, felt defensive, or been worried, but I was fascinated. “How…?”

“You should uninstall that,” she said. “It’s probably some kind of black market copy that steals your…. I don’t know.” She walked over and clicked No. The screen reverted to its usual, mostly normal format, except the red blinking message: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. “I am getting in the shower.”

As soon as I heard the bedroom door shut, I immediately began typing into the red blinking area on top of the MS word screen. ‘Tell me how you knew my girlfriend’s name.’

Loading again. Error message.

‘No registered user found. Would you like to register, Colin Davies? (Y/N)’

I clicked yes. Should I have been a little more concerned that it knew the difference between me and my girlfriend? Absolutely. But I was oddly transfixed by it, and for some reason, it didn’t seem odd at the time. Maybe I was just careless, and maybe it was something else that made me click Yes; I can’t be sure now. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

‘THANK YOU, COLIN. YOU ARE NOW THE REGISTERED USER. PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND END USER LICENSING AGREEMENT, THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.’

Does anyone ever read the terms and conditions? I didn’t. I typed again, ‘I want to know how you knew our names.’

Error: invalid query.

Okay, well, good parlor trick, Microsoft. Our Wi-Fi/Cable provider billed us on a joint account, so I figured it was pulling our names from the ISP. Great privacy policy, Comcast. I rolled my eyes and typed, ‘I want to see Alex get a raise at work tomorrow’ and hit enter.

DID YOU READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS?

I clicked Yes, Ignoring the link.

Loading. Nothing happened.

“We’ll see.” I chuckled to myself and closed the lid. I figured I’d join Alex in the shower. And I did. As we were drying off, I told her how I’d registered the software in my own name, and that I told it to get her a raise.

She said, “You erased that creepy bootleg and just downloaded the regular one, right?”

“Of course.” The lie was on my lips before I had time to consider it. In hindsight, that too was odd, because Alex and I had a policy of absolute honesty. The kind of honesty that I wouldn’t recommend for most couples. She had been cheated on in the past, and I had a roommate that got into Heroin and stole from me, so when we first started dating, it was something we had easily agreed on: no lies. And usually, I kept to it. Usually, I had nothing to lie about. I didn’t even think about it as we curled up for bed that night.

Later on that night, I woke to a godawful racket that I can only compare to some sort of a ‘roided-out digital dog whistle. An alarm of some sort? I nudged Alex to see if she could hear it too. She had to. It was loud, abrasive, and probably waking the neighbors. Was it in the house? A neighbor’s alarm system? How the actual fuck was she sleeping through this? Wow. She rolled over and mumbled something incoherent. Sleeping like a baby. I got up, grabbing the .22 varmint rifle I kept next to the bed, and went to see what the noise was. In retrospect, on some level I knew that an intruder couldn’t make this sort of screeching, ear shattering noise, but I was half asleep and did the guy thing: grab gun, defend turf. Like a magnet, I was drawn into the small kitchen, and I could somehow feel that the sound was coming from that area, even though it permeated the air in a way that it was no louder or softer in one room than any other. My new laptop sat innocuously, closed, on the kitchen table, but it was emitting a sickly, orangeish red glow from the small space between the screen and the keyboard. The unnatural light formed an odd, glowing square around the laptop, except the side with the hinges that the screen rested on when you flipped it open.

Okay, I thought. I knew I should have considered that there would be something wrong with this thing. Too cheap. But could it really be making this noise? I half considered shooting the damn thing and going back to bed. I wish I had. Too much paperwork, though. Discharging a firearm in city ordinances would surely get you in deep shit, even if a rabid racoon was attacking you. Instead, God help me, I decided to open it up and see if there was some sort of alarm system or something in the computer causing the noise. Note to self, I thought, turn the damn thing all the way off before bed. In fact, remove the battery.

I sat down at the table, the unholy screeching still in my head, and flipped open the screen. The screeching immediately stopped, and the sickening glow went back to the usual, blue-light laptop screen that all of our retinas have come to know and love. I blinked a couple of times, to clear the sleep fuzz out of my eyes, and because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

I’m sorry to wake you, Colin.

I need you to read the terms and conditions.

(OK/Cancel)

I clicked “cancel,” and the error message returned, and the screeching began again, worse than before. It was actually causing my eyes to water, sort of how you’ll involuntarily cry if you get punched in the nose. I never knew that ears had the same connection with the tear ducts. Today I Learned, thought dryly as I clicked Yes.

I had no intentions of reading any terms or conditions at that hour, but I knew as I was slowly scrolling through them that I would file a complaint with Lenovo, Microsoft and any other company that had any software or hardware in that computer in the morning, because that is one obnoxious way to get someone to read an End User agreement. I slowly scrolled to the bottom and when I figured that the appropriate amount of time had passed that the computer would (think???) that I had actually read all of their legal garbage, I clicked ‘I Agree’ at the bottom of the pop-up window.

I had often thought to myself that one day, I would actually need to start reading things before signing/agreeing to them. If you pay attention to the news and tech articles, you’ll see that there are certain functions on our SMART tv’s, cell phones and computers that you are not required to allow or agree to, but that we all generally do, essentially allowing these devices to access all of our personal data. I had nothing to hide, and thought that maybe if someone wanted to steal my identity, they could pay my student loan balance while they were at it, and perhaps file last year’s taxes for me. But, like a good red-blooded American, I bought anti-virus software, carried a wallet that protected my bank and credit card info from devices that could remotely steal the info, and upgraded my cards to the ones with the chips in them when my bank asked me to. This time, though, I didn’t read it because I don’t like being told what to do. It’s possible that my stubbornness has caused me a lot of trouble, because the Terms and Conditions the stupid computer wanted me to read weren’t even all that long, compared to some of the other crap I’ve had to scroll through to access my software and apps, but I was tired and still had a headache from that stupid “Terms and Conditions Police” alarm the computer had blasted into my head. I looked at the screen, which was on Microsoft Word again. I shook my head, already forgetting about how I had (told??) my computer that I wanted my girlfriend to get a raise at work.

When you do things like this, little goofy, innocuous things, you tend to forget about it. Alex and I thought we were being clever, typing about her getting a raise into an oddly-worded field (TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO) that was obviously a help field. The text would have been ingeniously created by some Adderall-popping millennial with a three-day beard and a skinny-pants suit somewhere in Silicon Valley behind a desk, who had probably been paid an obscene salary to come up with some words that were more ‘user-centered’ than the word “Help.” That’s how all of these things work, isn’t it?

Not this one. Anyway, I went about my daily business, attending classes, working my side hustle (which is what I called my part-time office job to make it sound cool. It was my only hustle, and was boring as all hell) and using the computer as one might – I worked on my Masters thesis, sent emails, procrastinated on Reddit, Facebook and occasionally (I know, NERD) played WoW or browsed the crappy, free amateur adventures of YouPorn. Normally, I didn’t bother with Porn, because Alex was… well, I’ll say the kind of girl that didn’t require a huge hand-to-man relationship most of the time. She was an awesome girlfriend, or, at least, I thought she was, before all this. She had been coming home late a lot lately, and acting a little different. Stress, I assumed, and didn’t think twice about it. I certainly didn’t want to add to it. She was hoping to go from Assistant Department Manager to Assistant Store Manager, and she had taken on some extra responsibilities in order to do that.

One night, I sat at the computer, three beers deep, trying like hell to write some stupid paper for school. I can’t even remember what it was. I stared at the computer, tired and drawing a blank, and noticed the help message at the top corner of my screen blinking red: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. I don’t know why I did it. I missed Alex, hadn’t been hanging out with my buddies from school or work much, and I guess the computer was saying something that spoke to me I typed, I WANT TO SEE ALEX.

Go figure, no weird error messages this time. I went to delete my typing and go back to my research when an odd program popped up. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. It was Alex, all right, and she was at work – but she was in the back room, I was guessing, bent over a table with her tits hanging out of her button-down shirt and her skirt hiked up around her waist. A man held her hands behind her back while he fucked her from behind. I knew this guy, it was Dan, the Store Manager. And he was fucking my girlfriend. Let me tell you, this shit put YouPorn to shame. Alex was hot, and if I wasn’t so freaked out by this, and if I wasn’t looking at my own girlfriend and her boss, I would have had a rager to take care of. If not for the audio, I could have suspected she was being raped, and sprang into action. Only, she wasn’t. People who were being raped didn’t usually tell their assailants to fuck them, and moan, and… Oh, God. I felt sick. I was in shock. There was no way that was Alex… except, hadn’t that been the outfit she left today wearing?

How the fuck did the computer do that? Maybe it was some kind of elaborate hoax. I did the only thing that my numbed brain could think of, and I called her. If I spoke to her, and she didn’t sound like she was letting some guy drill her like a porn star in the back room, maybe I would just set fire to the computer and be done with it. I called her cell phone number, and god damn it I heard her ring tone. Through the audio on that God damned video.

No, please, no. I heard her say “He’ll call back.” And with that, I knew she was cheating on me. For a sick, voyeuristic moment, I sat and watched this unfold. As they were switching positions, her on her knees, and he approaching her with his dick in his hand, I found the X at the top of the screen and closed it. Now, I had a lot on my mind. Alex, whom I was sure I would ask to marry me after grad school before that moment, was cheating on me. What’s more, somehow, my computer knew it, and had found a camera somewhere in the room and showed it to me. What was anyone hoping to accomplish with all this? What the fuck was up with this computer? What was wrong with this world?

I should have gone to Alex’s work and asked for her. I should have broken up with her on the spot, and beat the ever-loving shit out of ‘Dan,’ the man who was undoubtedly currently getting a blowjob from the mouth that kissed me every morning. Instead, I went back to the computer, and stared at the field where I had typed ‘I WANT TO SEE ALEX’, blinking red, with the message TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. My voice cracked, I could hear it through the empty apartment. I said, through very un-manly tears that I was furiously trying to choke back, “Why?”

It wasn’t loud and it wasn’t a scream; more a perfect reflection of the confusion, hurt and anger I was currently feeling. How could she? How long had it been going on? Had she ever… before we…. My train of thought was interrupted as a dialogue box popped up on the screen of my computer that said, “SHE REALLY WANTED THAT RAISE, COLIN.” I picked the computer up and heaved it against the wall, expecting to be sweeping it into the trash in a drunken rage (I pounded the rest of my beer and opened two more very shortly after) along with my hopes and dreams of a future with Alex, but it bounced off the wall and fell harmlessly to the ground. Not a chip, scratch or crack anywhere on it. What the fuck? I let out a feral cry and charged the thing. I guess I tried to tackle it. I bashed it on the floor, the table, and punched at the screen. I was seeing red.

When all was said and done, I looked at my computer, which was now on the other side of the kitchen after having been punched, slammed, kicked and punted across the room into a wall, and it sat there, unharmed, the screen seemingly taunting me with its blinking red message, which I could see across the room: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. My drunk, angry brain had now reached an eerie state of calm as I began to accept one thing about this shitty situation: somehow, this computer was able to… do things. See things. Know things. Show me things. Possibly even make things happen.

What I should have been thinking of were bets, lottery numbers, riches, success and the like. I should have confirmed what I honestly already knew. All the late nights, her emotional distance, the extra few minutes in the mirror before work, the new underwear… It all added up now, I just didn’t want to see it those past few weeks. No, I was too angry to ask my bootleg copy of Microsoft Office to give me the key to success or make me rich. All I could think of was revenge, and I sat down before I lost my nerve, opened my seventh beer for the night, and considered all of the ways I could exact it. I finally decided on one, and slowly began to type. “I want Alex McCabe to kill her boss.” The little circle spun on the screen, loading.

I sat in the dark, drinking, and waiting.

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

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oh-god-theres-6 · 6 years

Note

how would the matsus deal with a pregnancy scare with their s/os? neither the boys or their partners are anywhere near able to support a baby atm. u can make it as angsty as u want too B^3cc

I hope this hurts in the way you want, my dude. It’s not all sad, but like, haha I hope this is good.Osomatsu is going to smile and nod when he is given the news, the information going in one ear and coming out the other. He’s always been bad at paying attention during this talk, but it hurts that when it’s the real news he has that blank look on his face. As soon as you aren’t looking at him, however, he has the most distraught look on his face. This…this wasn’t supposed to happen. He’s starting to second guess his pullout game. Unfortunately, he is going to contemplate leaving the most. He can’t stick around during this, he can’t handle this. It would probably be better if he left, right? You can handle on your own and hey, it’s such hard work being a piece of shit, he shouldn’t be getting in your way. Unless you are there to stop him immediately, or if you give him a really good reason to stay in the first few months, his bags will be packed and he won’t be staying.

For you, Karamatsu will do anything and everything. You’re low on money? You can bet your perfect bottom he’s looking for a job as soon as you relay the news. He’s elated and he will be doing his best to form a family between you two. Yes, it has come to his attention that he is in no way ready for a kid and yes, he knows you totally aren’t, but this is his chance to have a family with YOU. He will put in 110% for this, for you, for the life that will be brought into the world. With him, there will be constant support through this process because he knows, after spending so much time with a mother of six exactly how hard it is. You’re the one who has to carry the bowling ball and cry for no reason and crave odd foods. All he did was finish during sex and he is so aware that you deserve everything for what you’re doing.

Choromatsu is a class A worrier. As soon as you showed him that pregnancy test wrapped in a pretty green bow, sweat was collecting on his forehead. He would try to be supporting for a week, maybe two, but the hesitant questions would become neverending. He worries about the money, about the relationship, about how the kid will even grow up with his crazy family, the money! He won’t leave, but he will, on many occasions, speak about adoption centers and explain that if you were to have the baby and keep it, there’s no way it would be raised well. It’s going to hurt, and while he would be searching for jobs he will say that no matter what, any starting salary would be far too low to comfortably raise a child and take care of two adults. This will put a heavy split in your connection and he won’t trust himself to let this continue as it is if you decide to keep your child.

Ichimatsu, as explained in a previous post, has no mental capacity to accept a child right away regardless of your financial and mental standpoint. He, just Oso, has a tendency to bail if he’s scared. No, he doesn’t want to and no, he really knows it’s a trashy thing to do, but what else could happen? He sticks around and starves himself and you for the sake of a kid he won’t even raise right? He can’t bear the thought of a kid getting fucked up and it’s all on him. Taking care of kittens is easy, and you should have kept it at that before all of this happens. He knows he fucked you over, but it’s better than pulling you further down into the hell that is himself. He’s really doing you a favor, at least, that’s what he’s sure of.

Thankfully, while he is intelligent enough to understand the tough situation, Jyushimatsu is going to stay by your side for the long haul. Why wouldn’t he stay for the one person who makes him feel so happy? If they’re willing to go through with it, he is too. He can’t do much in terms of money, but you can catch him completing odd jobs around town to try and make as much cash as possible. He’s actually really excited, despite the worry about the child’s wellbeing. He may not be exactly sure he can be an amazing father, but he can teach them all the rules of baseball, and all his jokes, and exactly what to do to make people smile. Even if you’re hesitant about it, his constant enjoyment and support are surely enough to remind you that your child will be perfectly fine.

Todomatsu is all smiles and love when you tell him, but the next day the only sign of his existence is a note on the fridge with barely twenty words on it explaining how he couldn’t handle a kid and neither could you, so he thought it would be best if he left early. With a kid, his life would be even harder to take care of on its own. Not to mention, to deal with the emotional swings during pregnancy while you both rake up cash and mental stability for a little child that’ll never leave you alone until they’re 18 or even older, taking in his own life into account, would be way too much for him to handle. He knows it’s wrong, but he’s not particularly sorry. When he sees you in public he treats you like a stranger, destroying any evidence that you ever shared a connection and if he had to pay child support, it’s going to be a silent transaction. Girls at mixers don’t usually like a guy who bails.

Some of these are sad, I know, but let’s be honest, Matsuyo is going to force these guys to stay and take care of their child. It’s her grandchild for gosh sake! Don’t be surprised when she steps in to help take care of this big step with you. She has…she’s like a master at this stuff by now. And don’t forget, each of these guys have five brothers that Matsuyo will force to help you out too. You will not be without support, no matter what.

#osomatsusan imagines #osomatsusan #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #Mod Finn #This was harder to write than i expected #but much love to the person who asked!#Thank you!

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nora-reads-homestuck · 7 years

Text

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again.

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made. TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business.

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

#NRHS #Nora reads Homestuck #Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #Part 66 #Act 6 #A6A1

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al1k1ro9d · 5 years

Text

Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

Getting carried away in the heat of the moment is something that is all too common in the world of gambling. The adrenaline that comes with big money opportunities, the pressure from onlookers at the table and that ‘just can’t lose’ mindset that comes with a winning streak all work to keep you tuned in to the game.

These are just some of the reasons that it’s not uncommon for the occasional struggle to walk away, a collapsed strategy and a foggy head that conspire to send all reason out of the window. Sensible isn’t exactly sexy, but neither is blowing your entire pay-packet on a game of roulette. I know which option I’d rather take.

Knowing how to gamble responsibly is a skill everyone wandering into a casino should possess. It is rarely the case, but it doesn’t have to be. By keeping in mind just a few bits and pieces when you’re next rolling the dice at the table, you can be sure that you’re gambling responsibly, and keeping it fun in the process.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

I believe gambling should only be treated as a bit of fun – not a way to reach financial freedom, pay off debts or make a living. Gambling should be an enjoyable and perhaps social occasion to be played inside limits, keeping life-altering risk entirely out of the picture.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

Keeping a clear head, in my mind, should be more about the mindset of the players and the mental state at the time of playing. Instead of becoming impatient, agitated or impulsive with play, it’s important to keep cool, calm and collected, realizing that it’s all simply a game.

Recognizing that over-agitated gamblers are a danger to themselves is perhaps the first step, but keeping in mind that the casino isn’t out to get you or that losses aren’t personal are among the best attitudes to adopt.

If you like the casino experience, you don’t necessarily have to stay away from gambling. There are hundreds of websites out there who can help you find the best deals to sign up online for casinos. I’ve recently signed up for an online casino through promo codes coming from OnlineCasinoGems. And it worked like a charm.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

By pooling and only spending non-necessary funds (i.e. not your rent or food money), you can make sure that you are only playing with what you can afford to lose. If you have not got a guide set-out, it can be a slippery slope that leads to multiple ATM withdrawals.

You should never play with borrowed money, no matter the lender and always avoid getting into financial trouble where possible. But please remember, no form of gambling is a clear pathway to clearing debt and addictions can lead to catastrophic consequences. You may even get banned by a casino if you don’t manage yourself and your finances right. Played well and within limits-it’s all just a bit of fun.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

Admittedly, this is often much easier said than done and if you’re on a winning streak, it can be hard to pry yourself from the table. This is, however, the key to avoiding catastrophic loss, despite how counterintuitive it may feel at the time. Remember that adage: you should always quit while you’re ahead.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

No matter how well you know a game, how much experience you have at the table or just how much you think the odds are in your favor – when you’re running a strategy it’s still gambling and that means chance is king.

No strategy can outplay chance, so if you’re playing and adhering to one, no matter the game, it’s important to remember that the rules aren’t set in stone and anything could happen. Just because you’re running a strategy does not mean you’re untouchable.

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

Any seasoned gambler will tell you that once the fun is over, gambling will turn sour and start to pick you apart as you go into autopilot on the game of choice. This is one of the reasons that slot machines are so addictive. Sure they’re fun at the outset, but once you have a couple of wins under your belt it’s all about chasing jackpots on autopilot. And while some people actually win in casinos, the majority of players will leave the casino at a loss.

There have even been recent calls to cut betting machine stakes. The UK is one of the first to slash maximum bets from £100 down to just £2 per play. Betting machines often lose appeal very quickly and with previous capabilities to lose £100 every 20 seconds, it’s a serious issue that should be addressed.

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

#Latest stories #News

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captainsoundvandaag · 5 years

Text

Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

#Latest stories #News

0 notes

juandambrosio · 5 years

Text

Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

#Latest stories #News

0 notes

tusdownloadsl8-blog · 5 years

Text

Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

#Latest stories #News

0 notes

megastolziyablog-blog · 5 years

Text

Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

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ultracosmonovafan-blog · 5 years

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Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind

It’s no secret that gambling can be one of the most addictive pastimes that, if not done responsibly, can have devastating effects on the players and those closest to them.

From keeping a clear head and creating a gambling bankroll to knowing when to walk away and recognizing the risks involved – here are 5 key things that you should keep in mind when gambling.

1. Keep a clear head

It’s often said that if you’re playing with risk it’s best not to drink so you can keep your head clear. My view is a little different.

Although keeping a clear head should be a priority, I would never advise avoiding alcohol entirely, after all, if it’s all in good fun, there’s no reason not to imbibe a little.

After all, it’s all a game of luck (well mostly).

2. Create a gambling bankroll

One of the most popular methods to ensure responsible gambling comes in the form of a dedicated gambling bankroll, used only for betting purposes.

3. Know when to walk away

Knowing when to walk away, leave and finish your evening is a skill with which even the best gamblers struggle – but it’s vital if you are to game responsibly.

A great way to do this is to enforce predefined win and loss limits and leave as soon as you reach either of the two. It’s the ultimate test of self-discipline, but you won’t regret it!

Kenny Rogers was definitely onto something special.

4. Even the best strategy still boils down to chance

Set limits, know when to leave and have a dedicated gambling bankroll. That should be your main strategy. Everything else is extra.

5. When the fun stops, stop

There is a reason the Senet Group campaign ‘when the fun stops, stop’ is such a successful message when it comes to keeping gambling responsible – it’s simple, it’s effective and it’s true

But the message from those in charge still stands as the most simple – when the fun stops, stop.

The post Responsible gambling: 5 things to keep in mind appeared first on Verified Tasks.

#Latest stories #News

0 notes

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