#my one concern about doing school again in the fall is if it's online because I'll genuinely drop it

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Love is a Maze [Hotch x Reader]

Prompt: The character gets lost in a corn maze… meant for children. They begrudgingly ask a total stranger for help; aka the reader gets stuck in a corn maze and has to ask a total stranger (Aaron) to help her get out. 

Category: Fluff/Comfort 

Word Count: 3.7K

Content Warning: Mentions of drinking and alcohol. If you are not 21 this is a reminder that I do not condone underage drinking (in the U.S. I am 26 fyi). Please use sound judgment when drinking and never drink and drive. Nothing is worth you or someone else getting hurt. Language (fuck and damn). These are minor things that some might find triggering as well: Mentioning the legal system and online childhood safety. 

A/N: This is another @imagining-in-the-margins prompt for her Meet Cute September/October writing Challenge! I have been loving these prompts. I have three more fics planned. Thank you for all the engagement, it means a lot to me. I think this fic is great to have with a cup of tea or a glass of cider. I had to change my paragraph formatting because Tumblr was being weird. Sorry if there seems to be some odd paragraph spacing in this one. I hope you enjoy it, and if you do, likes and reblogs are appreciated. 

P.S. The reader uses she/her pronouns. 

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

_l/g/s_ = local grocery store 

_p/g = parent or guardian 

_y/a_= your age 

_y/l/n_ = your last name 

_t/o/l_ type of law 

_y/b/f_ = your best friend 

_f/s/f/d_ = favorite spiked fall drink 

_e/c_ = eye color (i.e. green eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes etc.) 

y/n looked at the three-way intersection. There was a thirty-three point three percent chance that one of the dusty paths would lead her to the exit in the corn maze, but at this point, she had tried all three of them at least twice and she was starting to give up. She knew about dyslexia and dysgraphia, and she was wondering if dys-mapia was a thing? She put her head in her hands for a moment. All of her life she had been told that she was ‘directionally challenged,’ and those people had been proved right again, and again, and again.

Her first memory in fact was one of her getting lost. It had happened when she was in _l/g/s_ with her _p/g_. She had been five and her _p/g_ had told her multiple times that if she ever got lost to ask an employee for help. As many times as she had been told this, when it happened in real life she had frozen. She really believed that she would never find her mom again. A kind stranger had found her in the produce aisle crying her eyes out. The elderly woman took her to the front of the store and her very concerned _p/g_ rushed forward and gave her a big hug. _y/n_’s _p/g_ had bought her an ice cream cone after they had finished shopping. Unfortunately for _y/n_, this had only been the first of many times she would get lost. Only last month one of her friends at law school had joked at the intern networking social that “y/n would get lost on a one-way street in a small town.” Everyone had laughed, and it would be funny if it wasn’t true. And this was why her being stuck, trying to make her way out of a corn maze was so fucking frustrating. She knew she had been at this intersection before because it was only one of two three-way intersections she had come across so far, and the clue at the start of the estuary was the one she had read six times now. She looked at the map in her hands and tried to parse the right path out of the maze but became frustrated almost immediately, crumpling the paper tightly in her hands. The at the entrance of the maze had said that it should take about half an hour to complete, and she had now spent double that in the dusty maze. More insulting than this was the fact that the age disclaimer at the start of the maze read: This maze is appropriate for all ages, however children under 12 should be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Essentially this meant that the maze could be completed by someone over 13, by themselves, and here she was _y/a_, unable to escape. 

y/n realized now that playing Truth or Drink, essentially Truth or Dare, except every dare meant drowning a shot was a mistake before trying to do a corn maze had been a mistake on her part given how bad she was with direction. She thought about her poor choices while waiting to find someone nice to ask to follow out of the maze. There was no avoiding it at this point. She needed help, and she knew it. As it turned out she did still value her dignity, so she had to wait awhile to find someone that seemed nice and normal. The first group that she didn’t ask was a group of three teenage boys. There was simply no way that she was going to ask them. They were laughing and looking at their phones and she let them pass undisturbed. The next people who didn’t pass her dignity test were two moms with strollers holding sleeping toddlers inside. y/n could only imagine the passive judgment of the middle-aged women in Lulu Lemon yoga pants and Gucci handbags would pass on to her. Her rather haggard appearance and evidence of imbibing before five o’clock were sure the elicit a few “tut-tut’s” from the moms and whispered words of disapproval just loud enough for her to hear. The last group she let go was a couple. She found it bad enough third wheeling with all her friends in relationships, doing that with total strangers didn’t bear thinking about.

y/n was wondering if an employee might come around every now and then to see if people or children more likely had gotten lost. Her thought process was interrupted when she heard someone coming close to where she was standing. It sounded. It was the voice of a man. As she listened she realized that his voice was actually quite nice sounding. There was a second voice, clearly from a child. From what y/n was hearing, this sounded like the best option she’s got, and she crossed her fingers hoping that the man that rounded the corner looked and seemed safe and normal. She had spent way too many mediocre Tinder and Bumble dates with guys her age asking her overly personal questions, and oddly why she hadn’t watched the live-action One Piece yet. This always stumped her. She had seen Attack on Titan back in the day -- didn’t that count for anything anymore? It’s not like she asked them if they had seen the 2005 Kiera Knightly Pride and Prejudice or the 1996 Collin Firth adaptation. Again she was pulled from her thoughts when the man rounded the corner with a little boy trailing closely behind him. She attempted to look at him without gawking. This was harder to do than she had expected because not only did the man have a nice voice, he was attractive as well. He was tall and wore blue jeans and a navy Patagonia jacket. His brown hair was cut short and neat with just a tinge of grey at his temples. y/n turned away from him and gently tapped her head, thinking, ‘You idiot. You’re not here to flirt, you’re here to get out of this damn corn maze. She turned back again to be able to see the man. He had picked up the boy she assumed was his son and they were both looking at the clue near the three-way path. The man was reading the clue aloud saying, “All right buddy, here’s what it says: Paths for three but only one for me. One of these paths leads to a dead end, one takes you to the center again, the last is the hardest as you will see, it had a tree of a sort, and when you see that you are nearly free.” The man looked down at the boy and asked, “What do you think Jack? Which of the paths would you like to try first?” y/n wanted to say, “Well the path on the right is the dead end,” but she held her tongue, knowing that if she said anything it would ruin the fun for the boy. After a second the little boy pointed to the middle path and the man let him down saying, “Alright middle it is.” 

It was clear the pair was about to venture forward into the maze and y/n finally gave up her pride and said, “Hey. um, sorry, could you wait a minute please?” The little boy was moving forward, but with a deft move he was able to get the boy’s hand in his and said, “Wait just a minute, son.” The boy stopped and the man turned to look at whoever had mentioned him. Now that the man was actually looking at her, she felt the flush of embarrassment course through her. y/n cleared her throat once and said, “Sorry, this is so embarrassing, but I’ve been stuck in this maze for about an hour and I’ve tried to get out. I’m just not cut out for this. Could I possibly follow you out? I’m y/n _y/l/n_, by the way?” y/n thought she might burst into flames for a few moments of silence as the man glanced at her. There was a ghost of a smile at the corners of his mouth as he said, “Yes, of course you can.” He extended his hand adding, “Aaron, Hotchner.” y/n took his hand and shook it, saying, “Thank you so much. Sorry, I’m just… just bad at these things.”  His grip was firm, but not uncomfortable. As they dropped the handshake, Aaron turned back to his son and said, “Alright Jack, let’s go. We’re going to help someone out of here, so we have to think really hard about what paths we choose!” Jack beamed and turned to look at y/n. She gave him a small wave and a smile. 

The trio moved forward along the center path, and much to y/n’s relief even Aaron, Jack, and she had to double back once to find the right path. The weather was nice and now that _y/n_ wasn’t as stressed out about being lost, it felt nice to be having a break from her busy life. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes, but as they continued moving the silence became a bit awkward and Aaron turned his gaze toward the woman next to him, asking, “So, are you local?” y/n nodded no, replying, “No, I’m visiting some friends for the weekend. I’m living in New York.” Hotch nodded trying to keep the conversation going by saying, “What’s in New York, work, family…?” The team had been in New York last month for a string of brutal murders. He wondered if she was aware of them. y/n’s eyes flicked to him and she replied, “Columbia Law. This is the first chance I’ve had to take a break all semester, so I thought I should take it.” Hotch looked at her more closely once she brought up Law School. Having gone through it himself many years ago, he knew it wasn’t for the faint of heart. y/n then asked, “And you? Do you live around here?” Aaron replied to her question saying, “I’m local. My son looks forward to this every year. It’s kind of a tradition I suppose.” This was the first year without Hailey coming along. The divorce had changed a lot of things, and this was one of them. Hotch looked forward to Jack, who was a few feet in front of him and _y/n_. After a moment, Aaron added, “I went to Law School a long time ago. What year are you in? Have you decided on a specialty yet?” y/n’s lit up at the questions. She was excited to have something in common with Aaron. She wasn’t great at starting conversations, but now that they had a touchpoint she could easily be an equal speaking partner.

She replied, “I’m in 2L trying to decide between _t/o/l_ and _t/o/l_. Where did you study and are you still in practice?” The conversation stopped for a moment and _y/n_ stepped back and Aaron and Jack looked over the next clue together. Once Jack had made his choice they continued onward. She and Aaron fell into step again and he said, “I went to George Washington University. I was a criminal prosecutor, but I don’t practice anymore.” y/n nodded and asked, “What made you stop practicing?” Aaron let out a sigh at the question and crossed his arms as he considered how to phrase his response. For a moment y/n she had hit a sensitive subject and said, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” Aaron chuckled but said, “No, it’s a valid question. Listen, please don’t take this as a bad omen for your career, it’s just in criminal prosecution I saw so many bad cases. People committed heinous acts against humanity and half of the time it would be a hung jury, or the system allowed bad people to walk free and innocent people to be put away for crimes that they didn’t commit. Eventually, I had to step away for my own health.” That wasn’t exactly what y/n had been imagining his answer would be, but she could see the weight of such a flawed and crushing system deteriorating the morale and faith in the people who work in it. That feeling hadn’t hit her yet, but she wondered now if it would.

She pushed her personal feelings aside for a second and took a better look at the man. Yes, he had a few years on her, but there was something in her that wanted to know more about him. Was he happy? Did he have other profound things to say about the legal system, on life? Instead of asking those questions she simply inquired, “Are you working somewhere else, or are you retired?” He looked young to be retired, y/n thought, but it was still an option. That small smile returned to Hotch’s face as he said, “I work for the F.B.I now as a profiler.” y/n nodded taking in the information before asking, “Is the stuff you see in the F.B.I. better than what you saw in prosecution?” Hotch looked to the ground and said, “Often it’s worse.” He looked over to y/n taking in her optimistic face before saying, “But that’s life you know. We have to do the best we can with where we’re at. That can be the courtroom, the interrogation room, or maybe helping a stranger out in a corn maze.” Hotch gave her a wink and y/n almost fell flat on her face. Thankfully she saved herself and it wasn’t too obvious that his wink had nearly left her sprawling in the dirt. She was sure she was flushed now as the heat came back to her face. She was about to say something, but shockingly they had made it to the end of the maze and Aaron moved forward to walk out with Jack. y/n stood back for a second. Could she possibly find the courage to ask this man who had somehow magically slipped into her life for half an hour out? She hadn’t looked for a ring. He had a kid. Her thoughts were swirling around her head. She decided she would regroup with her friends, and get another drink, and if Aaron was still around by that point, she would approach him again. 

As she stepped outside back into the bright autumn light Aaron was slightly to the left of the exit retying Jack’s shoe. As she stepped out she raised her hand in the light and didn’t notice her friends snapping a photo of her. However, there was loud laughing and comments of, “What took you so long y/n? Did you get lost?” y/n lowered her hand and in joking exasperation replied, “Oh come on guys, it only took me twice as long as the sign at the front said it would. That’s gotta be a record for me!” She smiled slightly embarrassed and looked over to Aaron to see if he was still there and if he had heard any of that conversation. Her eyes met his and he looked a little upset. She tilted her head in confusion and his eyes moved over the her friend who had taken the picture of her, to Jack, and then back to her. It took a second but everything clicked and she mouthed, “Oh,” silently. y/n smiled at Aaron and said, “I got you. Sorry, and thanks again for your help.” Aaron’s face went back to its happier look. He and Jack moved toward the pumpkin patch set up near the food stands and y/n moved closer to her friends. Her _y/b/f_ asked, “Why were you talking to that guy? He was pretty cute by the way.”  y/n swatted at her friend and said, “Oh my gosh are we back in high school again? No, um, as per usual, I got really lost in the stupid maze and I asked him to help me out. He was surprisingly chill about it. And he’s a lawyer.” y/n stopped talking, realizing she was rambling, and her friend said, “Well it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s taken an interest in him. What’s his name?” y/n let out a long breath, realizing that her friend was right, and replied, “Aaron Hotchner.”

After a moment she remembered her unspoken promise to Aaron and asked her friend, “Hey can you delete that photo of me coming out of the maze?” _y/b/f_ laughed, saying, “Why, it’s funny. Are you too embarrassed for me to post it or something?” y/n rolled her eyes and replied, “No you silly. It’s just that Aaron’s kid might be in it? You know internet safely and all.” y/n’s friend replied jokingly, “When did you become such a worry wart?” y/n’s demeanor shifted to a more serious nature and she said, “Come on _y/b/f_ if the kid’s in it, delete the picture. You know there are bad people online just as much as I do. If you need a reminder of that the guy that helped me get out of that damn maze and whose son you potentially photographed is in the F.B.I. I’m sure he could tell you a few stories if you like.” At this, _y/b/f_ sobered and said, “You’re right. I’ll delete the pic.” After a moment, _y/b/f_ held out their phone with the camera roll pulled up, displaying that only photos from before the corn maze remained.” y/n smiled and said, “Thanks,” y/n sincerely replied. Now that the mood was lightened, _y/b/f_ said, “Damn, that guy’s in the F.B.I. he keeps adding points to his score.” y/n laughed again saying, “You’re hopeless. You have a boyfriend already.” _y/b/f_ nodded and said, “I do, but you don’t. You should go talk to him or give him your number or something. I mean you at least have to think he’s cute, right?” y/n looked away for a moment before saying, “He is very attractive. I actually told myself that I’d grab a drink after we got out and if I still saw him around after that, that I’d go talk to him.” At hearing this, _y/b/f_ said, well what are we waiting for? Let’s get that drink!” They both headed toward the food stands. y/n ordered a _f/s/f/d_. They sat at a table and started sipping the warm drinks appreciating the atmosphere and charm of the cool afternoon while catching up on gossip they had missed in their time apart. 

y/n finished her drink and _y/b/f_ said, “Right, time to find Mr. Hotchner and ask him on out.” y/n sighed and got up. She grabbed another drink to give her time to think about what she would say if she did see Aaron still around. A tiny part of her hoped he had gone, so she wouldn’t have to ask him out and most likely get rejected. However, Aaron was still at the corn maze. Jack had played in the pumpkin patch and seen the baby goats and pigs in the petting zoo. Now they were going to get Jack a hot chocolate for the car ride home. Jack had gotten sleepy and Aaron carried him on his hip, with one arm firmly holding him in place. As they waited in line he saw y/n apparently scanning the crowd for someone. She hadn’t seen him yet, but he was planning to go over and ask her something because she seemed like a nice person and he wanted to make sure she made smart choices. He wasn’t a narc, but he had noticed her drinking before and she had another in her hand now. Aaron didn’t want her behind the wheel anytime soon. He had seen far too many promising young people lose their chance at a future because they had made that choice. Aaron realized he was sounding like Reid as the statistics popped up in his head.

He pushed the mental numbers aside as he got to the front of the line and ordered. He stepped next to _y/n_ softly calling her name, not wanting to wake Jack. y/n turned around and immediately her skin flushed pink. Now that he was in better light he could see her _e/c_’s were beginning to dilate. He was flattered by her silent tells. He took a second to look her over once quickly. He spent such little time out in normal society that it was strange for him to be with strangers who might or might not fancy him. Finally, he said, “Hey again. I’m heading out and thought I’d just check in on you. Um… not to be weird, but you’re not planning on driving soon are you?” y/n smiled and said, “Thanks for saying hi, and no. Our friend is picking us up in half an hour - I’ve got a designated driver Agent.” She said the last word in a joking tone and he laughed softly. Aaron responded saying, “Good to know. Good luck in school, and I hope you have a nice rest of your break.” Aaron wanted to say more but couldn't figure out how. Thankfully for him, he didn’t have to because as he started to turn, y/n called after him. Once he was facing her again, she said, “Aaron, would you like to get a drink together tomorrow? I catch a red eye at one AM, but I’d like to see you again before I go. If you’d be interested that is.” Now it was Aaron’s turn to flush slightly and he replied, “That sounds nice.” They quietly exchanged numbers and set up a preliminary time and place. As Aaron walked toward the car with Jack, y/n turned to face her friend who had gotten close to try and overhear the conversation, but due to the subdued volume and others talking around them, they hadn’t been able to listen in. When y/n turned, the beaming smile on her face told _y/b/f_ everything they needed to know. They squealed in excitement and rushed forward, ready to get all the details. 

As y/n shared the information and plans for tomorrow, she realized that maybe corn mazes weren’t the worst place in the world to get lost after all.

#criminal minds #fanfiction #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotcher #hotch x reader #aaron x reader #criminal minds x reader #hotch blurb #hotch fluff #fluff #meet cute #fall vibes #criminal minds fandom #soft hotch fic #mentioningmargins #reader oneshot

[naomikozura]

➣The Only Exception

Porco x Fem!Reader (College Au)

genre: enemies to lovers, sfw

warnings: strong language, under and of age drinking

w.c: 8.3k

previous / next

08. The Nights

You sat in your seat with your foot bouncing up and down. Ten minutes had already passed and he still wasn’t here, a part of you happy that he wasn’t but another part annoyed that he was late to your tutoring session. When the door to the study room finally opened, a lazily-dressed Porco walked in, you looked at him with a deadpan face. 

“What?”, he asked, looking up from his phone. 

“You’re ten minutes late.”, you said as you kicked his chair from under the table, pushing it so that it hit his leg slightly. He rolled his eyes before pulling the chair back and sitting next to you. He sat his bag down and took his notebook and calculator out. “It was only five minutes, and you gave me the wrong room number sweetheart.”, he said with a smug look on his face. 

“I did not!”, you countered, but when he pulled out your messages, you checked and realized you had, in fact, given him the wrong room number. You sunk back in your seat and pouted to yourself. He chuckled a little bit before he set his calculator in the right mode and handed it to you. 

“Ready to learn some calculus?”, he asked, enjoying seeing you in pain over learning math. 

“Absolutely not. I would rather drink bleach.”, he looked at you with a concerned look on his face. “You’re so dramatic.” 

“Whatever, are you going to tutor me or keep going on about my dramatics?”, he raised his hands in defeat, leaning forward and grabbing your textbook. “What chapter is your class in right now?”

“We’re on chapter 7 and 8.”, he nodded before flipping into the workbook section and you pulled up the study guide on your laptop to work everything out on paper then transfer it to the worksheet online. He showed you step by step on how to do a problem, your hands following the order of his as he explained the steps of the problem. By the end of the first section, you had slowly started picking up on how to solve the problems. He let you do a few on your own and only missed one of the six problems you had to do.

“Why is this actually starting to make sense?”, you asked, scratching your hair with the end of the pencil in your hand. He looked up at you, a piece of his hair falling over his forehead. He brushed a hand through his hair and leaned back in the chair. 

“That’s because it’s easy.”

“No it isn’t, I studied for this for weeks and failed my first exam, but now it makes sense.”

“It’s because you’ve never been tutored by me before.”, you looked at him and your expression fell again. “I take it back”, you said, rolling your eyes. You looked at him from the corner of your eye. Porco was actually not that bad of a guy when he wasn’t being rude or talking too much. He was pretty calm and laid back. He seemed to really like math and found ways to make it easy to understand. 

After about an hour or two, you both decided to call it a day, leaning back and stretching in your chair. You could hear and feel the satisfying pops that your body was releasing. “You’re not too bad Porco. Thank you for helping me out.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”, he answered back. “It isn’t too bad once you actually understand how to do it.”. 

“Did the Academy have you take a lot of classes and that’s why you’re good at math?”, you asked, trying to start a conversation with him since you knew absolutely nothing about him.

“I’m a double major. Physics and Business, so the Academy had to give us prep before we applied for universities.”, he replied calmly. You looked at him with an impressed look on your face. “Wow, have you always known you wanted to go to school for physics and business?”, he looked at you before giving you a blunt ‘no’.

“I was more so forced into it. I didn’t want to come to university but it would be the only way I would continue to play soccer.”

“So, soccer is like a passion you have? It isn’t just a hobby?”, you finally found something to further the conversation with, something to learn more about him.

“I guess you could say that. Regardless, it’s the only reason I’m in university, I could give a fuck about getting a degree.”. You sat there looking at him in silence. 

“What about you? What are you here for?”

“I’m double majoring too. I have graphic design and psychology for my majors and a concentration in mass media production and publication.” You didn’t miss how he raised an eyebrow at you, confused by the long title of your degree plan. 

“Well, hopefully whatever you have planned works out for you.”

“Yeah, for you too.”, you smiled at him and he looked down at the time on his phone. “I doubt it, but thanks.”

“Why would you go into a major you didn’t want?”

“Only way to make a particular someone leave me alone.”, he said blatantly. Your heart felt a bit heavy for him, knowing that if it was his family that put that pressure on him, then of course he’d be unhappy. Most people are when their parents pick out their whole life plans for them. 

“Parents?”

“Something like that. What about yours?”

“They were a bit more lenient.”

“Yeah, it must be nice”, he said softly. 

“They aren’t all that great, they also control certain aspects of my life.”

“Hm, is that why you’re so reserved?”, he asked but not in a rude way but a curious one. 

“Kind of. They work hard to provide for my future so I figured I could at least keep my promise to them while I’m in university.”, he hummed in response, leaning forward and grabbing his things to put in his backpack. 

“Well, I should get going, I don’t want to keep you out late.”

“It isn’t that late”, you said almost too quickly. He looked at you for a moment longer. His eyes never giving away his thoughts. 

“(Y/n), it’s almost 10 pm”, he said showing you the time. 

“Yeah, I usually head home way later than this.”

“Like, alone?”, he raised his brow, confused as to why you’d walk home alone in the dark. 

“Yeah. Why?”

“You know that isn’t safe, right?”

“I can give you a ride.”, you run your hands over your hair, pulling the baby hairs down. You shook your head and held your hands up. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t get all worried over little old me.”, you grabbed your bag and headed for the door, Porco still staring at you. 

“What?”

“You’re not walking home.”

“Why does it even matter to you?”, you pressed, unsure why it bothered him so much. 

“It doesn’t necessarily, but it’s dark outside, and you’re a girl. I don’t doubt your self defense capabilities but I don’t exactly trust the guys in this town”, he mentioned as he started walking with you down the stairs. 

By the time you reached outside the library, you both had continued arguing about walking home and how he didn’t need to drive you. You huffed and began walking away, you heard Porco sigh and you could already imagine his face as you felt his eye boring into the back of your head. 

You heard footsteps behind you and you turned your head slightly to see Porco next to you. He left his car in the parking lot, probably internally regretting the decision. You crossed your arms in defeat, silence falling over the two of you. You were a bit upset that he didn’t have a slimmer of faith in you but also felt safe knowing you wouldn’t have to be clutching your pepper spray.  

After five minutes, the silence overwhelmed you, you needed to say something or you were going to go crazy. 

“So, do you like being on the team?”, you asked, picking up pace catch up walking next to Porco. He looked at you before nodding silently. 

“Yeah, it’s nice. I thought it would be hard knowing everyone but it wasn’t so bad”

“Yeah, the guys are really cool, they helped me make friends with the girls since Connie and I had a class together freshman year. I met Sasha before him but didn’t know they were dating until after.”

And so it happened. The conversation continued for another 20 minutes as you walked back to your dorm. It felt nice seeing Porco a bit relaxed, he was more controlled and didn’t seem on edge as much anymore. 

He opened the door for you to go inside and you followed. The conversation went from the team, to your friends, to your likes and dislikes, and how yellow red bulls were the superior energy drink and Porco disagreed, saying that they were just loaded on sugar. 

Once you got to your door, the conversation didn’t stop, you didn’t want it to stop. You just kept talking until someone came out of their room and told you two to be quiet. When the guy went back into his dorm, you both looked at each other and you laughed as Porco smirked at you. 

“Well, I’ll see you for our next study time. Goodnight, (Y/n)”, and with that he turned to leave. You whispered a silent ‘good night’ before turning the door to you own dorm. You kept your thoughts to yourself about the night. 

He wasn’t so bad, at least not like he was in the beginning. You pushed the door to your dorm open and quietly walked into your room. You got undressed and got in the bed, setting your alarm early for the next morning. 

“You need to focus”, you heard Porco’s voice ring out again. 

“I am focused.” you glared at him as he rolled his eyes and picked up your worksheet. “Then why are all the questions blank and you’ve just been scribbling?”

“I’m bored. I’m tired of this shit.”, you sighed and rubbed your forehead. Porco looked at your dramatic expression before pushing the textbook back over to you. You could see his eyebrow twitching and his façade starting to break. 

“You need to study. Do you really want to fail your exam? Especially before spring break?”, he mentioned. 

Him mentioning spring break just reminded you how you wouldn’t be able to catch a break from seeing his stupid face. You had to spend the week in the same Airbnb as him and his stupid, spoiled personality. He had started to grow on you but he started to make smart comments so it took you two steps back. You tried to ignore the fact that he would be there, wondering if it would be unbearable or if you wouldn’t have to talk to him at all since the entire group would be there.

“Have you started packing?”, you heard him ask, still writing in his notebook and working out a problem. “No, we still have about two weeks before the trip.”

“I see, I just know that girls take forever to plan out their outfits then pack everything at the last minute.”, he said, punching the buttons on his calculator.

“No, I think I’ll be okay. I only own like two bathing suits and just plan on wearing comfy clothes all week.”, you responded as you handed him your worksheet to double check your answers. He looked at it before erasing one number and fixed your answer. 

“You forgot to carry the 2.”, he said, handing it back. “You’re catching on pretty quick, (L/n).”

“Well, I do have a good tutor, so I guess that helps.”, you said, smiling over at him. His eyes met yours and he smiled back at you. Wait. Did Porco really just smile back at you? Like a real smile? You mentally give yourself a high five at his slow comfortability towards you. 

“So, how do your parents feel about you going on spring break with a bunch of guys?”, he asked out of nowhere. You raised an eyebrow at him, he looked up at you before leaning back in his chair.

“What? Aren’t most girls’ parents super strict about that stuff?”

“I mean, I guess. They don’t exactly know that I’m going…”, you mentioned as your voice trailed off, especially at the thought of you lying to your parents about your plans over the week long break from school. You had told them you would be working with Mrs. Reiss. 

“So, you lied to them?”, he smirked at the thought of you having the guts to lie to your parents.

“No! I just.. I, um”

“You just what?”, he kept staring at you, leaning forward to look at your flustered face at being caught lying. “I just didn’t tell them what I was doing.”

“So, you lied?”, you put your hand up to push him away from you and he grabbed your wrist softly, his eyes still looking at you with curious taunting.

“I did not lie. I just didn’t let them know my plans. It isn’t lying if I never told them.”, you tried hard to defend yourself, especially since you knew everyone knew you as the one who could never lie to her parents about anything, no matter what. 

“It’s okay, we all do it from time to time, (Y/n).”

“I did not lie!”, you pushed your other hand towards him and he caught that one in his hands too, your eyes meeting each other closely. Your heart was beating at the position you were in. His hands on your wrists and your knee up to your chest, his body not too far from your own. 

Your eyes flickered down to Porco’s lips, unsure why you just had the sudden urge to look at them. You noticed his eyes stuck on you before you saw the emotion behind them change slightly. It was almost impossible to see if you hadn’t been paying attention. 

“Um.. Porco?”, you said and you felt him back off. 

“Just focus on your work so you can pass this exam.”, he said softly, letting go of your hands and going back to his work like nothing had happened. You looked at him with concerned eyes, not understanding his sudden mood change, but went back to your work anyway. 

You both stayed for another hour or so and finished your work. Missing only 8 questions on the homework instead of 12 like the last time. Porco could see you were improving. You packed your things and so did he, the two of you leaving campus and walking out of the library.

“Well, thanks for tonight. I’ll see you next time.”, you said as you started walking off. You had only walked a few feet before you felt Porco beside you again. “What are you doing?”, you asked.

“You think you’re going to walk home alone again? You really have a death wish or something don’t you?”, he retorted, looking down at his phone and texting someone. A part of you became overly curious as to who it was but knew it wasn’t any of your business. “No, I’m just used to walking home at night.”, he scoffed with a small laugh following afterwards. “You know, you can ask for rides right?”

“Pfft, from you? No, thanks. I don’t want to be in debt to you for life.”, you said mockingly.

Porco rolled his eyes as the both of you continued walking in silence. You were fine, but the silence seemed to overwhelm you again. You started humming, and Porco shot you a stare giving you the notion to stop, but you didn’t.

“(L/n)”

“Mhmm?”,

“Stop your annoying ass humming.”

You looked at him, his eye was twitching and you had to cover up a laugh to keep him from glaring at you. You decided to click your tongue instead, watching his face for any small muscle spasms indicating his annoyance. His eyes twitched again. Success. 

“Sooo, why Paradis?”, you asked him, trying to change the subject so he could regain his cool.

“What do you mean?” “I mean, weren’t you going to Wall Rose U at first? Why Paradis?”, you were being nosey, yes. But how else were you going to get on good terms with the one person who had been nothing but rude to you since you met. 

“Who told you I was at Wall Rose U first?”

“Reiner did.”, you saw him mumble something under his breath before he continued.

“Just didn’t feel like going anymore. I figured I could go here, they have a better soccer team and all of my old classmates are coming here, so why not?”, he answered, but you could tell there was something else behind his reasoning, but you didn’t press.

“What about you?”, he asked back, his eyes focused on the pavement ahead of him.

“I’ve always wanted to come here. They have an amazing graphic design program and my parents used to bring me here when my cousin went here, so I fell in love with the campus.”, you mentioned quickly, hoping he would leave it at that. 

“What do your parents do?”, he asked secondly. Fuck. 

“My mom’s a teacher, my dad works in real estate.”, you lied. You hated lying to him, especially since you were trying to be his friend, but this was how it went with all your friends. No one could know, and no one would. 

There were no more words exchanged after that. You walked the last five minutes in silence. Once you reached the dorms, you went your separate ways, giving each other a simple ‘goodnight’ and leaving it at that. 

The next time you and Porco got together to study, it was at his dorm. He said he didn’t feel like going to the library because it was raining that day so you agreed to meet him at his place. 

You knocked on his door, waiting for him to answer. You double checked your messages to make sure you had the right dorm number. 34C. You put that number to memory. A few minutes passed, and Porco had still not opened the door. You knocked again, a bit louder this time. You heard something fall inside, making a noise loud enough for you to hear from outside. The lock on the door unlocked and you saw a disheveled Porco, hair wet and messy, sweats and sweater put on quickly, the collar of his sweater not buttoned completely so you could see his collarbones and part of his chest. 

“Um.. I can come back later?”, you shifted uncomfortably, trying not to look at Porco’s current state. He looked at you, taking a moment to process your words. The silence flooded a second too long. “No, no. Just.. come in.”, he said, inviting you inside his dorm. It was cleaner than you expected. No dishes in the sink, the counters clean, the sofa had a folded blanket on it and the tv stand had organized movies and books. You wondered if his bedroom was the same or if it was horrible.

“Let me go fix my hair. You can just sit on the couch.”, and he disappeared, his room door clicking shut. A few seconds passed, maybe a minute, and he was back. His hair brushed back like he always had it, and his sweater and sweats were fixed, though he left the buttons undone. You had to avert your eyes once again. 

“Sorry, I thought I had more time to get cleaned up after practice.”, he said quickly. “Do you want anything to drink?”, he asked as he walked over to his little kitchen area, which was just a small stove and a microwave and fridge along one wall. “Um, do you have coffee and creamer?”, you asked and he nodded before pulling out the creamer and putting a pot to brew. 

“So, did you want to go over the next chapter in the book or?”, you started but stopped when you looked up to see him stretching, his abs showing slightly from underneath his sweater. Your cheeks got painted a slight pink color, you turned away again. 

“Yeah, we can. I was thinking we can probably just do about half of it and focus on the rest next time.”, he said, while grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. He pulled the coffee out of the machine and poured yours into a mug then poured his as well. You looked at him and he slightly scooted the mug forward, signaling you to come up and add your sugar and creamer. 

“I didn’t think you liked coffee.”, you said softly, trying to start a conversation with him. “Yeah, I do, I just don’t add as much sugar like I used to. Coach doesn’t really let us.”, he mentioned, stirring his mug with the small amount of creamer he had added to his mug. 

“That sucks, I don’t know what I would do without caffeine, I need it to function at this point honestly.”, you joked, earning a small smirk from Porco. “Yeah, it does kind of suck.”

The two of you made your way over to the couch, both facing towards each other, but on opposite ends of the couch. You had taken off your shoes when you came inside, so you only had socks on and your olive green sweater and gray sweats. The two of you got comfortable and Porco was the one who started talking this time.

“Have you ever been to the MoMA in Sina?”, he asked while drinking from his mug. You looked at him, a bit shocked by his question. 

“Um, no. I haven’t. I’ve always wanted to go though. I hear they have amazing exhibits every month or so.”, Why would he bring up the museum so randomly?

“It’s nice. I went there one time with my family, and I remembered you saying that you were into graphic design and I figured you’d like it.”, he answered honestly while looking over at you. You had to snap out of your trance so that you didn’t look dumb while looking at him. You shut your mouth and fixed your posture. “Oh, well, I’ll have to check it out some time then.”

The night continued just like that, no actual work getting done, it was just talking. It wasn’t forced or awkward. It felt natural. Who knew Porco could be so good at holding a conversation? You wondered if he had always been this way, if he actually had a bad personality or if he was easily annoyed.

“You know, you’re actually not too bad.”, you said looking down at your mug, stirring the coffee in your hand. Porco looked at you, one arm on the head of the couch and his other hand resting on the knee that was propped up. 

“Are you trying to say that you think I was an ass?”, he said, raising an eyebrow at you. You stifled a small laugh before you set the mug down on the small coffee table and leaned forward, your knees touching. “Well, you weren’t exactly nice the first time we met.”, you mentioned, wondering if he even remembered the first time you had met. 

“Are you talking about the kickback or the party?”, he asked, surprising you that he also remembered the kickback at all. “I guess both?”

Porco brushed a hand through his styled hair, pushing it back and setting his own mug down on the table. He leaned back on his elbows on the armrest behind him. “I had a lot going on, especially with z…some family issues.”, he mentioned. 

“Is everything okay now?”

“It’s somewhat better. It’s been a lot to deal with.”

“Why don’t you talk to Marcel or Colt about it?”, you figured since he had his friends from the academy and his brother, he would have some sort of support system. A small part of you feeling upset for him. He shifted in his seat before leaning his head on the head of the couch. 

“Do you tell your friends everything that you have going on?”, he asked, his eyes clear as day as he stared at you. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest, you would be lying if you said ‘yes’ because you knew you had a secret no one could know. You slightly shook your head, resting your head on the head of the couch like him. The comfortability turned into a vulnerable atmosphere. 

“It’s hard keeping everything to yourself, you need to have someone you can really trust in, you know?”, you suggested, knowing that the only person you had close to you was Historia. She was the only one who really knew every part of your life, and vice versa. You wondered if Porco could find someone like that too.

“Do you have someone you really trust?” “Yeah”, you whisper. “Historia helps me a lot. She’s been there for me since I can remember.”

Porco’s eyes flickered as he looked at you, his knee touching yours entirely. The warmth was subtle but it felt nice. Being around Porco felt nice, your perception of him being proven entirely wrong. 

“The night of the party. The way I talked to you.”

“Porco, you already apologized for that.”, you reminded him, remembering the night he gave you back your phone.  He lifted his hand a little bit, not in a rude way, but to let you know that he wanted to tell you his peace. 

“It wasn’t fair. You were worried about Braun. It was wrong of me to invalidate your feelings that way and make you feel at fault. I’m sorry, (Y/n).”, the words sounded so foreign leaving his lips but sounded pleasing to hear. You realized that Porco was able to recognize his wrongs, his apologies meaning so much more since he didn’t give those apologies often. At least, from what Pieck has told you in the past. 

“I appreciate the apology, Porco.”, you accepted his words, knowing he meant every word. You looked at him with soft eyes, not breaking eye contact until the both of you heard a phone ring on the counter. The two of you stood at the same time, softly bumping into each other. You looked up at him, your bodies close to one another. You were stuck in his gaze that you hadn’t noticed that he had put a hand on your waist to keep you from falling when you bumped into him.

“Um.. the phone, Porco.”, you broke the tension, his eyes stuck on yours for a split second longer, his lips parted slightly. He let out a small breath before pulling away and walking towards the counter. He lifted your phone to signal it was yours going off. 

You walked over, grabbing it from him and realized that Reiner had texted you. You quickly texted him back and you felt the energy in the room suddenly shift. Porco had walked back to the couch and sat down while you stood by the counter. 

“So, are you and Marcel close?”, you turned to him and he leaned his head back, upside looking at you. “Somewhat close, I guess.”, he spoke out, you laughed at how his hair fell backwards. 

“Why are you laughing?”, he questioned, his hair still hanging down since he was leaning back. You walked towards him, putting your hands on your knees, bending down and meeting his eyes. “You look funny.”, you repeated, stifling yet another laugh. Your eyes were meeting him and he gave you a small wink. Your heart quite literally stopped in your chest. You really felt like you needed to go to the hospital and get your pulse checked. 

“You look funny too.”, he smirked back, and you gave him a soft smile. You noticed Porco’s eyes flickering to your lips. You broke eye contact and stood up, making your way over to the other side of the couch. The silence filled the room and you grabbed your mug off the table to take another sip of your coffee. 

“So, you and Braun?”, you looked at him, wondering where the sudden interest came from. “What about Reiner?”, you questioned.

“You’re close.”

“Yeah, we’re good friends. He’s nice.”, Why was this coming up?

He grunted as his response and you stared at him unknowing at what he was insinuating. “Why?”

“Nothing. Just, it’s Reiner.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”, you stared at him, his eyes suddenly gaining interest at the wall, uninterested. 

“No, it’s nothing.”, he said, “At least someone is calming that braindead lump down.”, he said under his breath. You rolled your eyes as Marcel’s words rang through your head. They were not friends, you figured it was normal for the two of them to bump heads. 

“Did the two of you not get along back at the academy?”, you raised your legs onto the couch, throwing them over his legs. You figured he'd either do one of two things. Throw them off or leave them be. He looked at you, then fixed himself on the couch, your legs shifting in his lap, giving you the answer of him leaving them as is.

“We did. He’s just annoying.”, he mumbled. Of course he would think that. Reiner had a different personality than he did. Reiner talked more, was more outgoing and extroverted. Porco was more quiet, reserved and didn’t seem like the type to be out and about all the time. Maybe they were friends, but just polar opposites. 

“I just wouldn’t necessarily call him a friend. We were never close nor hung out in that way. Only reason we got in the same group was because of Bertholdt and Marcel.”, you sat quietly and listened to him. You wanted to get to know him more and listening to any type of detail he had to give 

“Marcel had both of them in classes with him, and he introduced them to Colt, Pieck and me. The group kind of just started on its own that way.” 

“You don’t make friends easily do you?”, the words left your mouth before you could stop them, only then realizing how rude the remark sounded. Porco’s expression changed from relaxed to straight-faced. He sighed before brushing his hair back before responding. 

“I mean, I made friends with you and your group, didn’t I?”, he remarked. You looked at him a bit dumbfounded. Did he just call you his friend?

“I suppose you did.”, you smiled at him before checking your phone, the time already reading past 9. “I should get going. It’s getting late.”, you said as you leaned forward. Porco watched your movements, not taking his eyes off of you. You went to move your legs, but hadn’t noticed Porco’s hand resting on them. When did he put his hand there?

He didn’t move his hand until a moment later, letting you stand up and grab your bag. He got up and walked over to the door with you. You slid on your shoes and fixed your sweater before turning to look at Porco. Your back was facing the door that led back to the hallway. With Porco standing over you, you backed up towards the door, your breath steady. He looked at you, his stance confident but relaxed. You hadn’t felt the door touching your back until Porco raised a hand and placed it next to your head on the door. Your eyes met and never moved away from his golden ones. 

How did you and him get to this point? You hadn’t known him for more than a few weeks, he just started to consider you his friend. His head leaned down to yours, close enough to feel his breath on your cheek. You noticed his eyes flicker to your lips then back up. The sudden urge to kiss him flooded your body, your cheeks flushing pink, your heart beating quickly. 

“Um, Porco?”, you spoke, your voice shaky. His eyes met yours and you gave him a look of confusion, hoping it would cover your look of want. You felt his hand lift to your face, pinching something on your cheek.

“You had an eyelash.”, he said, showing it to you on his finger before backing away and grabbing the door handle, turning it and opening it for you. You thanked him and stepped to the side to leave. 

“Thanks Porco. I had a good time tonight.”, you smiled at him, and he smirked at you. “Yeah, me too.”, and with that you left, the door closing softly behind you. You stood in the hallway for a minute, trying to gather your thoughts. Your heart beating in your chest, recollecting your thoughts, recollecting your emotions. You took a deep breath before walking away. 

Porco was just a friend. He’s just your friend. 

Nothing more.

“Hey, do you mind giving me a ride to work again? It’s going to be raining tonight and I can’t see very well at night. I can have Connie pick me up after shift.”, you looked up at Sasha from your phone, turning to see her getting ready for her night shift at the bar she worked at. The weekends were always the best times for the bars off campus. Sasha always managed to make a lot of money and she only had to work two or three nights a week. 

“Yeah, what time do you have to be there?”, you asked her while you washed the dishes. “At 9pm, we still have an hour left so whenever you’re ready.”, she said as she went back to her room to finish doing her hair. You hummed in response and put the dishes away, you wondered if you should go in for a while and get a drink or two. Usually there would be some people you knew from class or friends you’ve made throughout the school year, but you figured that a night in wouldn’t be too bad. 

You finished the dishes and decided to change into a crop top and shorts, going for something more comfortable for the night. You called out to Sasha who confirmed she was ready, and you grabbed your bag and your keys before heading out. You climbed into your car, turning it on, the engine clicking before actually turning on. You realized the ‘check engine’ light was on. You ignored it and started driving out towards Sina. The part of Sina that Sasha worked at was closer to campus than where you worked, it was harder to drive to your work than it was for Sasha, which is why you opted for the bus to avoid the drives and traffic. 

“Do you want to go in for a drink?”, Sasha asked once you pulled up to the Garrison. You parked the car at the front, contemplating in your head before turning it off and going inside with her. “I’ll come in to say hi, but I have some more work I need to do before Monday.”, you answered as she pushed the door open. You were greeted by the bouncer, Nicolo, who you had known for a while since you had classes together freshman year and who secretly had a crush on Sasha for almost a year. Unfortunately for him, Connie and Sasha had been something he found out about the hard way. 

“Hey, (Y/n), welcome in, what can I get for you?”, one of the bartenders asked you. They all knew who you were since the majority of the staff went to either Wall Rose U or Paradis. Some of them are friends from your freshman year classes, others you’ve met at parties. 

“Nothing for me, I won’t be drinking tonight.”, you answered, leaning on the bar top and continuing the conversation. The bar was pretty full, average for a Friday night. You were sure more people would show up by 10 or 11. You leaned over the bar, talking to Sasha and her coworker as they worked, you noticed that a group of guys were staring at you. One of them was tall, had a dark brown undercut, he was kind of attractive to be honest. You noticed that he had made eye-contact with you and handed his drink to one of his friends. 

He walked over to you and leaned over the counter with you. “Hey, do you mind if I can buy you a drink?”, he asked, his smile soft as he looked at you. You smiled at him, before opening your mouth to speak. “Hi, um, I’m okay. I’m not drinking tonight.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Thought I would ask.”

“Well, thank you for the offer…”

“Samuel. My name’s Samuel.”, he said and smiled at you as he straightened himself up to shake your hand. You smiled at him and laughed a little. “Well, thank you Samuel. I’m (Y/n).”

The two of you talked for a little while, even found out that he attended Wall Rose. You liked that he was nice, reserved and really laid back. It was different from what you were used to coming from Wall Rose. You checked the time and noticed it was almost 11:30. You had been here longer than you expected, longer than you wanted to be. You needed to leave, so you tried to find a way to excuse yourself and Samuel gave you a goodbye. He calmly asked if you could exchange numbers, and you nodded. You gave him your phone as he typed in his name and number. 

You turned around, noticing someone behind you. You recognized a set of dirty blonde hair, it looked like a girl you saw at the party that the Wall Rose U guys crashed. You wondered if she was friends with them. You heard Samuel call your name, handing your phone back and giving you a small goodbye. You smiled at him and walked to the other side of the bar to give Sasha a notice, letting her know you were heading out and to let Connie know to pick her up. She nodded and gave you a goodbye hug over the counter. You started to head out towards the exit, having to be pushed by some people to get by. 

“Come on, this is the third time you’ve ditched me.”, you turned to see the same girl from a few seconds ago, unsure who she was talking to since there were people around her. You pushed by the people in front of her. 

“I’m just not in the mood, Hitch.”, you stopped in your tracks. Your heart thumping at the familiar voice ringing out from the crowd, surprised you recognized it because of the music. “C’mon, let loose, it’s an off week.”, you turned around to look at who she was talking to only to be met with another pair of eyes looking at you. It was Floch. Your heart quite literally stopped this time. You pushed your way out of the crowd and moved away from where you were, hoping you would be able to hide in the crowd. 

You saw the exit sign and moved towards it, excusing yourself even though you knew they wouldn’t be able to hear you. “(Y/n)?”, your stopped. Great, Floch managed to catch up to you. You turned around only to be met with golden eyes.

“Porco?”

You looked behind him, seeing Floch looking around. Your heart was racing, the absolute last person you wanted to see was the guy who harassed you at Connie’s party. Porco’s lips kept moving, the words not reaching your ears, your eyes still looking over his shoulder at Floch closing in on you, his eyes aimed in your direction. You grabbed Porco, your arms going over his neck and pressing your lips on his. You felt Porco’s body tense, his breath uneven, before he relaxed and placed his hands on your hips and brought you closer to him. His lips moved against yours slightly, you moved your lips against his, the softness of them lighting a fire inside of you. You opened your eyes slightly, noticing that Floch had started walking in the opposite direction. Your eyes looked back at Porco, whose own eyes remained closed.

You pulled away, his hands not leaving your body but his eyes opened, looking at you with subtle shock and his lips swollen. “Sorry, I didn’t.. I, um..”, you couldn’t find the words to say, still phased by your sudden actions. “What was that about?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Um..Just someone I didn’t want to see.”, you answered truthfully, the awkwardness settling between the two of you. You looked up at him and you noticed how close your bodies still were, but neither of you moved from your spots. “Why are you here?”, Porco broke the silence, you looked up at him before telling him about dropping off Sasha and getting caught up talking to some friends. You didn’t tell him about Samuel for some reason, but figured it would be better that way. 

“What about you?”, you asked back. He looked over his shoulder, then back at you before grabbing your hand, dragging you towards the exit and away from the loud music and condensed bodies inside the bar. “Some people I know dragged me out. I’ve been trying to leave for almost an hour.”

“Did you drive here?”, you questioned, and he shook his head. You looked over at your car, and fished the keys out of your purse. “I drove here, I don’t mind giving you a ride home.”, you offered, a part of you hoping he would accept your offer. He looked at you, questioning whether he should say yes or not. Suddenly, you felt a bit of water falling on your forehead. You looked up and noticed it was about to start raining. 

“Offer is limited time, Pock.”, you smiled at him, and he smirked back at you. He nodded and walked behind you as you jumped in your car. You heard the same clicking noise before it turned on fully. You pulled out and started driving home, it only being about 20 minutes away. 

“You do know your check engine light is on right?’, Porco mentioned as he texted on his phone. “Yeah, I just haven’t had time to get it checked.”.

“Pull over, let me check it for you real fast.”

“You know how to check cars?”, you asked surprised. He nodded and motioned towards the small gas station off the side of the road. It was closed but you figured it was an easy spot to park and stay to wait out the rain if it got too bad. You parked and popped the hood, Porco had gotten out to check what was wrong, he was looking at something as the gears turned in his head. “Do you have tools in your trunk?”, you thought for a second then nodded, remembering that Eren had put a few things there once before in case you needed them for an emergency. 

Porco went to your trunk and grabbed a rectangular object that had two chords on it. He walked over to the hood and placed it on the battery. He powered the small machine on and then met your eyes, slapping his forehead. 

“(Y/n), when was the last time you checked your car battery?”, Porco asked you, almost as if he already knew the answer. “Um.. I don’t know… never I guess?”, you answered while rubbing the back of your neck, embarrassed.

“The charge is quite literally at zero.”, he said with a deadpan look on his face. “Go into the car and turn it on.”, you nodded and tried turning it on, hearing the battery click repeatedly. Porco went over to the driver side, reaching over you and turning the key. Your face got red at the sudden closeness of his body to yours. The clicking continued, Porco stepped out and rubbed a hand over his face. He felt the rain start to fall harder as he ran over to close the trunk , you got out and closed the hood, grabbing the battery tester and throwing it inside the trunk. Your hair and clothes got soaked and Porco grabbed your hand and pulled you into the car. He got in through the other side and slammed the door shut.

“You need to get your battery changed. How have you been driving without any charge to it?”, he asked you. You shrugged embarrassed, not wanting to mention how you had trouble turning your car on for a few weeks now, completely ignoring the light inside your car. 

“I just texted Marcel and Colt to see which one of them can come for us and hook up your car.”

“How long did they say?”, you asked quietly, the rain filling the silence in the car. “They said 30 to 45 minutes since they’re in Shiganshina.”, he said as he reclined the seat backwards and laid down. 

“Sorry about all this, I bet it would be better if you’d just stayed at the bar with your friends.”, you mentioned, leaning your head on the steering wheel. “Don’t worry, I’d rather be anywhere with you than at that bar getting pushed on by random people.”, he commented nonchalantly. Your heart skipped a beat by the mention of him wanting to spend time with you. 

“So, who was the girl at the bar?”, you playfully teased him. “You have a little girlfriend you’re keeping a secret from the guys?”, Porco moved his arm from over his eyes and glared at you. “She is not my girlfriend. She’s nothing to me.”, his tone was heavy, obviously not catching your comment as a joke, but his response didn’t sound like he was trying to convince himself at all. 

“Geez, okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”, you apologized, laying your own seat backwards. You placed your hands on your chest, noticing Porco moved his head to look out the window. “It hasn’t rained like this in a while.”, you mentioned. Porco hummed in response. 

“It’s soothing.”, the deep rumble of his voice filled the car and you looked at him, watching as he spoke and looked out the window. He turned to look at you, that silence filling the car again and the patter of the rain drowning it out. You noticed how his hair had gotten darker because of the rain, your own hair sticking to your face, still damp. You looked up at the roof, laughing before Porco sat up on his arm and cocked his eyebrow. 

“Sorry, I just think it’s funny how messy your hair looks.”, he smirked at you. “You have a thing for messy hair don’t you?”, he questioned. The smirk never leaves his lips. You turned to look at him and noticed that he had leaned closer towards you, the only thing separating the two of you was the small compartment in the middle. You looked at him, questioning his movements. He reached over and moved your hair back. “Your hair is messy too, you know,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah.” you breathed, noticing how his eyes kept looking at you, your heart beating fast in your chest. “I know”. You’re realizing the intimate position you’re in with him, you notice his eyes flicker to your lips then up to your eyes, holding them hostage. Your pulse goes crazy, feeling his breath on your cheek, a magnetic pull bringing him closer to you. Your brain reminding you of how soft his lips were the first time. 

“Porco.”, you whispered. Your breathing was going crazy. You couldn’t handle the built up tension anymore. For the past few weeks, it had built up. It happened so quickly, but the unspoken attraction was there. For you, maybe not for him. 

You moved your weight to one arm, holding yourself, a slight move forward and his lips would be touching yours. You closed your eyes, moving forward, and you felt his lips meet yours. Right then, all the wind had been knocked out of you. Your heart beating a million beats per second, his soft yet chapped lips moving against yours, his hand reaching up to the back of your head to deepen the kiss. You hadn’t ever felt such a strong pull towards someone before, not even Reiner. Your thoughts focused on Porco, the way his hand held your head, the way he kissed you, the way he was breathing. He pulled you in closer as his lip swiped over your bottom lip, your body melting against his touch. This was different than the one at the bar, this one was deeper and it felt more intense. 

When he pulled away, you were left breathless, your eyes looking at his plump lips, his eyes looking at yours with intent. You could feel his chest beating quickly, wondering if he found excitement in the kiss you just shared. What did this mean to him? What did it mean to you?

“I..”, you were cut off by his lips meeting yours again, more emotion behind them this time. Your eyes still wide, but you closed them and kissed him back, pressing against him. Your heart definitely just exploded in your chest at his sudden moves towards you. He removed his lips from your own, placing a small kiss on your neck. “(Y/n)..”, he started before a pair of headlights lit up the inside of the car. You both pulled away, silence filling the car again. 

You jumped when you heard a tapping on your window, noticing Marcel and Colt standing outside with an umbrella. “Stay in the car.”, you heard Porco say before stepping out and helping them hook up the car, signaling you to pop the hood. The rest of the night passed in a blur. 

More words being left unspoken

A/N this is a longer chapter you guys so I hope it was worth the wait! I have been busy with school but I am officially done! So updates will be more consistent the next few weeks and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

#porco galliard #porco galliard x reader #porco snk #porco x reader #reiner x reader #attack on titan #reiner braun #shingeki no kyojin #snk reiner #aot #porco galliard fanfic #porco x fem reader #attack on titan porco #porco x y/n #porco x you #porco headcanons #reiner headcanons #reiner x y/n #reiner fanfic #jean kristen #mikasa ackerman #eren jaeger #armin arlert #annie leonhart #historia #snk #snk imagines #snk x y/n

[androgynousblackbox]

Addams X Spy (Spy X Family AU)

 Gomez Addams is the best spy of all of Westalis tasked with gaining a family in order to infiltrate a prestigious school in order to do something Very Important For The World. He start having dates with different people but they all think he is too eccentric for them since he is being just himself for this. He values marriage too much to just lie his way to it to some unsuspecting woman or man, he has no preference really, but this only causes all his options to run away from him. Just when he is thinking about another strategy (online dating perhaps?), suddenly he finds himself with a bloodbath someone left behind and he has his breath taken back because HOW ELEGANT, WHAT FINESE! Whoever killed these people did it so quick and efficiently they must not have suffer at all, like going to sleep forever. Most not even knew what was happening before it was too late! He is so entranced that he doesn’t notice at first the killer coming back again after cleaning herself and he is just stands there, gasping at the beatiful display in front of him. Before she can even lift her gorgeous spikes with roses at the end, he knows for sure that she already pierced her heart (metaphorically) and just falls to his knee, lifting his hands as if to beg for his life but what he is asking is so much bigger than that. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, please?” Morticia of course is confused, but only takes one talk between the two to find out a couple of things: yes, she is an assasins and he is an spy that needed a wife, but nevermind that, Gomez just now can’t even imagine going a day without her and Morticia ends up accepting because a man who appreciates her killings as much as she does is not something everyone finds any day. They have a brief and discrete weding to then think about adopting a child together. Wednesday is a telepath child of 10 years old who is extremely cynical and doesn’t give a fuck after a lifetime hearing all the horrible thoughts that awful adults have around her. So many “loving parents” gave her back because they just couldn’t stand she wasn’t the sweet happy girl they all wanted. When the Addams come looking for a kid, she didn’t even stopped reading her book, the only one about true crime she could find on the library. She ends up talking with Gomez and Morticia about serial killers and how stupid they were, because if she were a serial killer she would have never been caught and there wouldn’t be a book about her but rather about her killings.  She thinks this is going to be enough to scare them away, but instead they pick her up and take her home. It takes her a few days to find out about the true profession of both her new parents because, well, they are so lovey dovey about each other and trying to be so considerate of her that she can’t read nothing but good thoughts, it’s disgusting. It’s when Morticia starts thinkings about creating a new poison for a new client and Gomez about his next mission that she finally realize what is happening. When she finds out what she thinks is the true reason she was adopted she gets furious and decides to run away, but on the way some bad guys try to kidnap her and before she can take the knife hidden inside of her teddybear, Morticia already killed four of them and Gomez takes care of the rest. Once they finish they run to her, both their mind a jumble mess of worries and concern. It’s so strong and so touching that she finally lets them take her home again, finding comfort on Gomez’s arms as he carries her. At first she didn’t said anything about her telepathy in case they acted weird about it, but after a while she just found it more fun to not explain at all why she knew the things she knew about them, including their jobs. So basically everyone knows about everyone, except Wednesday that keeps her secret to herself because fuck you, that is why. Later on Bond happens but instead of a dog is Pugsley, a feral kid raised as a weapon that can’t speak and bites everyone that comes too close. He is full with visions of the future that he can barely understand and can’t explain to anyone, reason why he was abandoned by the lab that created him. Gomez gets a especial suit and dresses for both Morticia and Wednesday so even if Pugsley bites them it’s alright. When his first word is “dad” they throw a giant party just for him when he gets to be king for a day and get all the junk food he loves.

#the addams family #spy x family au

[cutlikediamonds]

062323

i dont have that much to say but im down another pound or two. again, slowest pace ever but i really dont mind it. and i like when my methods are habits and not just desperate attempts to make the number lower that end up with me bingeing the second i get what i want and then having to do it again. lot of habits and routines that dont feel forced and are actually changing things, thats where im at now. 

my summer class is almost over and that keeps me really busy so im vaguely concerned about what losing that will do to my routines and all that but, i should be mostly okay i think. i hope. itll at least give me more time to work out which ive been craving to do so maybe itll be better actually. 

i think i referenced it once but one of my best friends is out of state for the summer doing a summer program and we go to the same school otherwise, so a new motivating thought is wanting to have lost enough that she notices it when i see her in the fall again. i doubt shed say anything out of respect but i can read her well so i just want her to notice it and wonder. also, the last time i lost a bunch of weight it was so obvious how i got treated differently over time, like that was the only time when friends who didnt before started play flirting with me or just referencing my physical appearance more often and theyd call me pretty casually, as if it was an obvious thing when they had never really said it before, and that was the only time of my life where i got genuinely asked out. whether it was actually cuz of my weight or just because i had more confidence because of the loss idk but it was an undeniable difference, and i keep remembering it and wanting to pull the same reactions out of everyone again. 

its annoying honestly, i like to put thought into my appearance. i like doing my hair and my makeup and playing with my gender expression but my friends dont really comment on it and i was used to it and didnt mind it until they suddenly did talk about it when i was thinner. i come off as having a very easy going vibe with that stuff so i guess nobody thinks i care about style or appearances like that but i do, i like the creativity of it, and i wish they were invested in mine even when i wasnt thin but.. also i wanna be thin too lol so i guess i cant be that mad. its motivating at least. 

another new thing, its always nice to relapse like this when ive undergone a lot of reflection in the mean time and know who i am more cuz now the inspo that i come up with in my head or find online hits harder cuz it feels so much more relevant to me lol. like, i never used to care about being strong or looking toned all that much but now thats one of the things that keeps me the most focused. arm workouts have been the easiest routine for me to stick to cuz i just never forget the goal of it, its nice. 

i like the slow progress so far. i like seeing the subtle changes. i like that the changes dont get lost if i have a bad day cuz theyre not that unstable. i like that even after a day of eating i can look at my body and still see the parts of it that have made progress, the bloating of the day aside. its very grounding. 

im also trying to respect my weird food habits. in the back of my head im trying to go on a journey of ‘unmasking’ a bit (neurodivergent thing) but its not at the forefront of my mind, but one of the aspects of that is definitely respecting myself when it comes to what foods feel safe or not and how eating makes me feel. its still annoying, sometimes when theres no safe foods around i just cant eat anything and i can tell that in that scenario pushing myself out of my comfort zone is probably what i should be doing, but i also would take the discomfort of hunger over the discomfort of feeling overstimulated or out of control from whatever i made myself eat any day. i know some people would say thats food or the ed having control over me, but i think you could also say its me respecting myself and taking control of my environment and triggers, so who knows. 

i guess i did have stuff to say today lol

[starrywill]

Hello this may be awkward but I’m trying to inform myself on the personality disorders so I better understand it! Could you maybe give some stuff about how you deal with it?/nf

Hopefully this isn’t awkward

This is such a strange ask on multiple levels. On one hand, I want to be nice, as you're clearly asking in good faith, but on the other hand, I'm not an expert or therapist and I don't have anything but my personal experiences to go off of. Of course, I also don't owe you, a stranger, anything, but I'm feeling nice, so I will give you a basic and then much more personal rundown, regardless.

First, there are three different clusters of personality disorders: A, which includes:

Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)

Schizoid personality disorder (SPD)

Schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)

B, which includes:

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

C, which includes:

Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD)

Dependent personality disorder (DPD)

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCDPD, not to be confused with OCD)

It's best to do your own research on any and all disorders you wish to learn about, as describing each is not my place, is frankly a lot to handle, and is much easier than reaching out to strangers online, especially those who only fit within a single cluster. I have HPD and BPD personally, so I fall within cluster B, as do... all of our headmates, because that's usually how the brain works, although every system has the capacity to be different in many, often surprising ways. HPD is often characterized by:

Constantly seeking attention

Excessively emotional, dramatic, or sexually provocative to gain attention

Speaks dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to back them up

Easily influenced by others

Shallow, rapidly changing emotions

Excessive concern with physical appearance

Thinks relationships with others are closer than they really are

while BPD is often characterized by:

Impulsive and risky behavior, such as having unsafe sex, gambling, or binge eating

Unstable or fragile self-image

Unstable and intense relationships

Up and down moods, often as a reaction to interpersonal stress

Suicidal behavior or threats of self-injury

Intense fear of being alone or abandoned

Ongoing feelings of emptiness

Frequent, intense displays of anger

Stress-related paranoia that comes and goes

We actually fit with all of these descriptors perfectly, though you don't need to fit with all of them, or at least outwardly express all of these traits to have these. The same goes for any other personality disorder, mental illness, deficit, disorder, and the like. You also cannot be diagnosed if the symptoms you're experiencing aren't an active detriment to your life, as in keeping you from doing school or holding a job, or generally being adequately distressing to go through on a fairly often basis. This, again, goes for any mental illness, deficits, disorders, and the like. The biggest way we have to deal with BPD and HPD is through mood stabilizers. Sometimes we can semi-voluntarily shut down our emotions, like refreshing a page, but when we do feel emotions, we feel them hard. It hits you all at once like a bullet train and it hurts, even if it's a good emotion. You feel as if you're stuck that way, and you forget that this, too, shall pass. You feel like you're going to feel that way forever. And then, lo and behold, you don't. You've grayed so many hairs, and for what? How stupid must you be to have a breakdown because you can't figure out how to tie a tie? That's how it feels. It feels like the world is going to end and you just want love and validation but you also want to scream and cry and rip everything to shreds. We've learned to keep suicidal thoughts, feelings, and ideations to ourselves because we know they'll be gone right after we calm down. We've learned to not threaten suicide. We're obsessed with the relationships we have now, and that can come to our detriment because we have to bottle up mentions of suicidal behavior, so as not to harm someone very dear to us, who happens to be traumatized by that same behavior from an ex. I impulsively stabbed my pillow the other night in frustration. Twice. A pillow we love and hold onto very tight every night. Things are hard. Without our mood stabilizers, they could be much harder. Without them, our "obsession" turns into a pure, volatile kind of obsession. We have a "yandere" blog to log these feelings in a healthy way now. Things suck. But they could suck so much worse. And I'm glad to not only have found love (you should research "favorite person" or "fp" a common symptom in those with BPD. Others in cluster B have similar titles for their person or people of choice, however, as far as I can tell, they are community terms with little to no posts anywhere online about them specifically, let alone medical and/or scientific papers mentioning it), but I'm glad to have all these people for me. Even if we need exorbitant amounts of attention. Even if we get overly emotional over very small things. Even when we get paranoid and need constant reassurance You, nor anyone who thinks these thoughts or feels these ways are broken, and there's no such thing as a thought crime. You're as good of a person as you want to be, though that's no excuse for choosing not to improve, of course. ...That's a weird thing for an old child murderer to say, ha! Of course, I'm no longer that man, but it's still humorous to me, nonetheless.

I hope any of this helps at all. Keep in mind that this is all very much a personal account, and, as such, it might not apply to others... Although I hope it does in some way, otherwise that would be strange.

#long #serious #bpd #hpd #this was a doozy to write... #of course a lot of the things i wrote in the pd section were mostly generalizations #suicide ment #murder ment #child murder ment #uh... #ask to tag #👍 #hope this helps 👍

[darkeninganon]

Generally speaking, I don’t talk much about how I grieve or what I feel, but considering things right now, I think it would be a good idea to do so. There is a TL;DR at the end.

This is going to be pretty rambly, so I apologize.

As most know, I have depression. What most don’t know, is that when I was in middle/high school (bad memory when it comes to time, so pardon the vagueness) my mom had breast cancer. I was also bullied during this time, but that’s not important.

For me, Cancer is... Something that I can’t describe. I couldn’t grasp it back then that my mom could be alive one day and dead the next, and my sister and I would likely be shipped back to our “father” due to legal BS. It wasn’t something I could comprehend.

As I got older, that changed. My dreams essentially forced me to confront the fact that I am very dependent on my mom and sister. I never was sad that they had died in my dreams, I was sad that I was alone and would never see them again.

With Technoblade’s death, the thing that makes me sad isn’t the fact that he’s gone and I will miss him, it’s how his friends and family will miss him. I’m sad for them and the loss they have suffered. The two that make me the most upset are Tommy and Ranboo.

Ranboo’s way of grieving seems to be remembering all the good times, and thinking back to how proud he was to be compared to Technoblade. He’s grieving, but he’s holding up well because of how he grieves.

Tommy, on the other hand, I am concerned for. Despite his online persona, he feels deeply, and cares very much about his friends; to the point that sometimes all he talks about is meeting them. Tommy always looked up to Technoblade, and always admired him; even as a friend Tommy clearly idolized Technoblade. He would jokingly “harass” Technoblade about doing a meetup and hanging out. I... don’t think Tommy ever got the chance to, and knowing that Tommy feels deeply for his friends, I’m not sure how he’s going to hold up.

I want to make something clear to my followers, when I ask “How are you holding up?” I’m NOT asking “How are you feeling?”

I know how you’re feeling. You’re feeling like crap.

I’m asking if you want/need anything from me, or if you're falling apart.

I do this because asking “how are you feeling?” after losing someone you care about is pointless, it’s self-explanatory. I don’t need to hear you say you’re feeling like crap or you’re feeling numb because I can guess you’re already feeling that way; I want to know if you’re able to function and perform self care or if you need help/motivation with that.

TL;DR: DON’T ASK HOW PEOPLE ARE FEELING WHEN THEY’VE SUFFERED A LOSS AND ARE GRIEVING, ASK HOW THEY’RE HOLDING UP. ALSO DON’T BE A PRICK ABOUT HOW PEOPLE GRIEVE.

#Technoblade #CW death #I deal with it by writing stories #Please stay safe everyone

[finfarts]

feel free to ignore, i just wanted to vent some thoughts & it is long

about two hours ago would have been the prime time for me to write out my displeasure with work but because i’ve waited until the end of my work day instead, i’m now just exhausted, stressed and defeated.

back in 2017, i accepted the position of workshop coordinator partially for the raise and partially bc i had already accepted about half of the workload associated with the title and turned the position from a once a month routine to a full time job. did that for a few years then decided i was ready to head back to school this time to for art.

had an online skype interview, hit it off really well with the founder of the college and the question of employment came up at some point. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is your job currently?” “Workshop Coordinator.” “Oh, that’s funny. We were just about to start looking for one of those.” about a week later i had a job interview, got hired and then got accepted into the college after turning out the portfolio requirements in a little under a month. a sweet deal! I’d be going to a different city, had employment guaranteed because i was going to pay my own way through school, found a place to move to, arrived on february 17th the day after concluding a massive event at my prior place of employment and started working with the college mar. 3rd.

there was it’s own learning curve, linex os computers instead of apple or windows, different organization, different content, different objectives of the company, etc etc. no big deal, just has to work my way through and get familiar with the process. fantastic! then march 14th hit and suddenly covid was a very pressing topic and concern. so the college moved to remote work and schooling, taking a few extra months for students but the experience was a near instant switch for staff. so we kind of rode it out for a few months. that two weeks to flatten the curve shit never really took. a few housemates got sick, my partner missed me dearly as did my cat, and i felt like i was loosing touch with reality so before travel laws got stupid i moved back home where rent was cheaper.

i attended college online and while it might have been slower and lacking in some regard, i really enjoyed it! it made me feel like i had a lot more knowledge and understanding than i previously thought, it also opened my eyes to the fact that the arts education i had received prior was deeply lacking so this was a vast improvement. my art skills grew exponentially over that time but i barely had a day off. if i wasn’t working on assignments, i was working for income. if i wasn’t working on either then i was pretty much dead to the world.

anyways, i’m now a full time employee bc covid fucked up my savings and i can’t afford to be a student anymore. it’s presented a lot of opportunity but i’m at a cross roads again where i know i would benefit from a school setting like that but i don’t actually want to move back to the big city or commute to it. i also never wanted to be a workshop coordinator, it’s just a position that keeps falling on my lap so i’m constantly helping others get the arts education i wish i had time to develop further but i’m not skilled enough to actually land a job in the industry either. a perpetual crossroads.

also somehow i’ve become like a pre-screener for the school’s staff/hiring process, on top of managing their social media, advertising/marketing with some minor IT support type stuff but none of it is actually what i want to do and drains me of the time/energy to pursue the stuff i want to do because i am chasing constant deadlines and bureaucratic procedures. i’ve learned so much bizarrely specific canadian law and international students keep asking me for visa support when i don’t know shit. i keep trying to learn but it’s so far outside my wheel house that i’m exhausted.

anyways, if anyone read this whole ramble. you’re a cool person and thanks for taking the time. i hope your day goes well or has gone well so far and if not please take a moment to breath with me so we can get through this journey called life together.

also if you know of any job opportunities for someone with a bizarre range of skill sets that doesn’t fit into the average job market that doesn’t involve coordinating workshops, hmu. thanks.

[justanother-blogpost]

Not really feeling my best

Not really feeling my best, but I know how to cope. That’s something. A lot of people don’t know what to do when they are in a ditch. I am a but burnt out from having to learn new skills everyday in hopes that I land a job. I am not worried about money, neither is my family. They are just concerned that I don’t have a job for some reason. Kind of like not letting me take a gap year, because then “You’ll loose interest in school if you detach yourself from it”, they stress out over this a lot, they just want me to be active. Well here’s the thing: Once you have a passion about something the flame will never burn out. Am working on my portfolio and while I don’t mind not having a job and staying home all day, it would be nice. To get out of the house, socialise and travel. Extra money never hurt anyone, right? The problem is I neither interested or capable of the jobs I am presented to. I am also looking into a freelance online offering which is very tempting and if anything it is very doable.

Before I dive in into what I do now I'd like to tell you what I used to do. This might sound bad, but I used to... please myself. Yes. Everytime I was bored I used to put my hands down my pants and go to town. So. Many. Times. The feeling you get after is so giddy happy, not a care in the world and so fucked out from bliss. It is true that I really didn't have a care in the world back then, all that was required of me was to get good grades. Not going to lie and say I don't do it anymore, but it's a lot less frequent and more controlled.

Moving on to what I do now. When I find myself in situations like these it is very important to take a deep breath, realise where the anxiety is coming from and go from there. Apart from what I said working on my PC all day and slightly overeating these past few days have also been a factor. My always go-to first solution is to take a shower.

Why a shower? It makes me feel clean, warm, cozy, safe. I wear a new pair of clothes and do my facial routine. This in no way means I'm dirty, I shower almost everyday (since I go to the gym), but my hair only 2 times a week and once a week I mask it with an oil so I can straighten it. It does make my hair greasy, so that's probably a factor too. So a shower is like a new start to me.

Although, in order to take said shower I like to do house chores first, so I don't feel dirty afterwards, if I haven't done them yet. Like tidy up the place, clean the dishes, maybe clean the house too.

Why chores? They give me a sense of purpose and again we are in the realm of cleaning so ...

After writing this I guess cleaning is one of my many coping mechanisms haha.

I also haven't been sleeping well lately, takes me along time to fall asleep and I wake up early. Even on the weekends, when I usually used to wake up around 10-11 AM.

[jpaulanzia]

I, II, III: A Blog About Myself

Hi! Welcome to this blog! I am so glad for everyone who can read this and to be here on this post, seriously. Well, because there are already hundreds of millions of blog posts on this very vast internet in a vast modern world, what are the odds and who am I, right?

Oh…

Sounds like an interesting question.

I.

Sorry about that! Now, allow me to tell you everyone who I am.

Hi again! Luckily, this is actually a blog of mine about myself and some things I like and do. My name is John Paul and you can all call me Ampy or Amfy. Let me share the story behind that nickname first. Since I was a kid, anyone from our place including my friends, relatives, and neighbors called me Ampol, something my family gave me. Cool nickname, right? Or so I think. But yes! I think it is cool and unique. Since then, I have been happy about it but as I went to Senior High School, some friends, and classmates of mine suddenly called me Ampy. I was like “That is different, but sounds classy. I’ll take that.” After some time, it likely did become my secondary official nickname, or mostly for my friends. One day, I just thought of making it spelled “Amfy” sometimes, until it became somewhat my “artist name” every time I share my artworks and outputs on social media. Wait. Me, an artist? Well, an aspiring artist.

As of now, I am currently a 3rd-year college student. I am taking a Bachelor of Multimedia Arts in Lucena City, Quezon, Philippines. I think art particularly with drawing has been my game since then, and I’m happy about it. I remember back then when I was a kid, I drew anything I imagined and anything I saw. But that was me as a kid. I think I just learned to fall in love with it as we may all do with any art we like. From learning to becoming a hobby and to now, pursuing it. Going to the other things that I do like; I also love doing photography. I can say that it is also one of my most done works as an artist. I also do paper crafting and modeling sometimes as hobbies. I would also like to say that I love cats. I have seven of them.

II.ighlights in Life

            Now, I will talk about some highlights in my life. I believe the things that would be the most important and memorable for us are the ones that we do with commitment and love. Even if they are only just some simple or even normal daily activities, they could still be achievements that we all can be proud of forever. So far as a multimedia art student, I have had some fulfilling experiences and moments for myself that I am glad and grateful for. With drawing, I am now able to reach some other people by sharing my artwork online. There are also already some small commissions that I have taken before. It’s not the biggest but I am happy about that as I am still on my way to taking on more projects.  What makes me delighted is every time I see my works in public being shown and had by many people before. Seeing them enjoy and appreciate my work was something I’ll never forget. I have also been doing production assisting before for some studios and a few times, as an assistant photographer, going to such places in Quezon. Those are such accomplishing experiences for me.

Honestly, I can say that there may be not that many accomplishments that can be shown off to other people besides the school awards and other apparent ones. But to myself, I know that there are lots of them from what I know and feel. Making my family and other people happy with me is a big achievement for me already. Being with my family, meeting my friends and everyone; everything I have today, and being able to do what I love are all important highlights of my life. There may be some times that there are some harsh challenges and difficulties concerning our choices in life, but I still do my best and I know that we all do.

III.yself still in the future

In all my future aspirations, I envision myself as a professional concept artist or visual development artist and being part of some large and renowned teams and studios, perhaps even having the opportunity to work with the amazing visual development teams at Marvel Studios, for movies, shows, and maybe even games. Five years down the road, I know that it may be possible, but if not, I see myself well on my way, if not already there. Another possibility is continuing freelance work as a multimedia artist, with a potential venture into owning my very own studio or collaborating with someone else. It's not just a dream; every day, whether with my studio or in a big studio, I'm working towards these goals and I will create them as masterpiece.

#blog #IHM

[learningselflove]

Healing my relationship with food and fitness

I’ve always struggled with body image.  

I was more developed and at an earlier age than everyone. In fifth grade, I was self conscious about my sports bra lines being visible through my t-shirt. I was too insecure to take the plunge to wear a real bra yet.  

  After high school, I gained a significant amount of weight. I was struggling with balancing my social life, school and being independent for the first time in my life. I made my own money and always having work, school, or social plans. Being readily available for my soical life encouraged poor nutrition choices.  

My social life consisted of drinking heavily on the weekends with my group of friends. We would order fast food or pizza to satiate our drunken cravings. Applebee’s offered half-off appetizers after 10 p.m. and we were working minimum wage jobs. Cheap food and a place to hang out that didn’t bother our parents? Awesome!  

I wanted to join a gym when I was 17. My peers had started to work out in preparation for prom. Social media influencers started to emerge around that time as well. I wanted to lose weight. I was embarrassed to be in my own body. I thought boys didn’t like me because of that. I wanted to have good self esteem. When I asked my dad if I could join the gym he told me no that it was a waste of money. If I wanted to work out, I could go for a walk. I was defeated. I didn’t have a good role model to show what a healthy relationship with food and exercise looked like. I grew up with news outlets promoting low carb, low fat, low sugar diets and supplementing that with working out seven days a week. The hurdle felt insurmountable.  

Without a proper support system, I just moved on and accepted that I was going to be a heavier and curvier woman than everyone else. I continued my lifestyle the way it was. It wasn’t until I decided to drop out of my first year of college and decided to focus on working that I was able to have some more money. I worked full time at Staples and I made enough money for a gym membership.  

I spent a majority of my twenties being dedicated to working out and dieting and then getting frustrated that I wasn’t seeing results. I would do everything online forums and instagram posts told me to do like 100 crunches a day or lifitng weights 7 days a week but I wouldn’t lose a pound. This would lead to burnout which then I would restart every few months with new motivation and new ideas on how I could reach my fitness goals. I’d reward myself with new clothes, new headphones, or new sneakers just to keep my momentum. Eventually, the motivation would stop and the cycle would continue to repeat itself. 

I then realized that maybe the reason I couldn’t achieve my goals was because there was something wrong with me. I spent countless hours scanning google articles and subreddits to figure out why I felt the way I did. I was tired all of the time. I could sleep for eight hours a night and then need to take a four hour nap when I got home from work. My face was breaking out. I had intense mood swings.  

I FINALLY reached out to a doctor for blood work. 

When my results were ready, I was shocked to find that I had a hormonal imbalance. That explained everything. It was bittersweet. It was a huge sense of relief to know that my concerns were valid but it was also disheartening to learn this would be a lifetime of maintenence. When I learned about my hormone imbalance, it was the middle of 2020 and we were in a pandemic. Gyms were deemed as one of the least safe places to be. I spent a lot of that summer going for walks instead. I have spent the two years since then trying to get my body to function the way it should.  

With the help of medical treatment from my endocrinologist, I was able to lose 45 pounds this past year. My confidence has improved, I have plenty of mental clarity, if I need to nap, I can take an hour nap and function properly. I am once again finding myself trying to fall in love with the gym. I am taking baby steps with two days a week of working out. I love seeing the definition of muscle in my arms and legs. I love feeling stronger. I love having more stamina when running up flights of stairs.  

I believe that my relationship with others and the gym itself is solely based on my relationship with myself. There is beauty in aging.  I find myself not worrying about my belly when I wear leggings. I wore a crop top to my first night back in years. I would have blown my 21 year old self away with who I am at 28. I make sure to give myself plenty of self-care. I take a bath every night. On Sundays, I use face masks and add a bath bomb. I make time for video games because I enjoy playing them and I need a mental break from school and work. Fitness should be one of those routines. What your body looks like does not mean you should feel excluded from places like the gym. Everyone is there for the same goal.  

I took this photo on easter 2023 and I couldn't fathom how small my shoulder looked and I felt confident wearing a dress in size xL and having room in it.

[ampleax]

07/05/22

i wanted some sort of a safe space all to myself, my personal discord server’s getting a little too clogged for my liking so i’m gonna shift to tumblr! the past few days have been really shitty, there’s nothing new with that but it’s been exceptionally shitty. i don’t even have the energy to get up because everything’s going downhill. i’m constantly losing friends for reasons i can’t control, my college plans are falling apart, i have a shitty job. and i feel so bad for complaining because my concerns don’t even sound that bad compared to other people. am i just being whiny again? i hate manipulative people the most, especially those who are utterly convinced that they’re not doing anything wrong but if you read deeper into what they’re actually doing, you’ll be disgusted. making people feel like shit for not forgiving you isn’t based, i have the right to not forgive you especially when you’ve done that to me multiple times and i’ve forgiven you for all of them. don’t expect any sort of “don’t worry” message from me because i’ll never be able to lie about something like that, especially when i know you’ll do it again in the guise of your “jokes”. you’ve always blamed other people for the things that happened to you, have you tried thinking that the problem lies with you? enough about that, i guess i’m not that mad anymore- but that doesn’t mean i’ll still forgive that person. anyway, i found one of my past fling’s (is that the right word? ex doesn’t fit him lol) profile yesterday! it was funny, he’s so lame now that i think about it and he wasn’t even cute? he was just smart. i’ll call him N for now! N was the one i dated before G and oh my god this guy scarred me for life. i was in 8th grade when we started flirting, we met through an online book club and he was some sort of chuunibyou, he acted like he was some sort of mysterious anime character who was cold and smart. i can’t believe i liked him oh my god i’m cackling but he traumatized me so bad. he made me feel like i was crazy for getting jealous over him flirting with other members, he would constantly tell me to “sleep it off” and i was crazy. he would tell me he loves me whenever i “get into one of those moods”. i would tell him stuff like “if you don’t like me anymore, let me down gently” bc i was cringe as fuck back then lmao but yeah he was flirting with other girls and i had no choice but to see everything bc no one knew we were in some sort of a dating stage. he would tell me about his crushes in school as if teasing me, and i would always get mad over that. i guess what they said about giving an ugly guy a chance was true. now that i think about it, maybe that’s why i never told g that i was jealous over stuff, because N has always invalidated my feelings and he made me feel like i was crazy for getting jealous. i hope N’s in a better place right now though, and i hooope he thinks about all the girls who gave him a chance but he found being a cold anime character more appealing lmao i don’t think anyone sane would date him. he’s one of the reasons why i don’t think i will date anyone without thinking that i’m crazy ever again. i hope he gets punched DEAR GOD that’s everything for now! i’ll leave song recommendations since no one’s going to read this anyway. this song’s been stuck on my brain for the past few days. mmm just realized that adding this song makes it seem like i miss N since i talked abt him here and i don’t miss thinking i’m crazy lmao

https://youtu.be/WAMxwRtNrPY 

[tiredbiostudent]

Oh cool are you actually going for the MSC degree? Exciting and good luck!

noooooooooo no MSc in the near future for me, I'm actually looking at either a post-grad certificate or an advanced standing diploma in environmental tech/ecosystem restoration etc etc, and it'd only be a one year program (thank u god). I've heard really good things about them- lots of practical field experience and really beneficial when applying for jobs! essentially my plan is that if I don't hear back from any bio jobs I've applied to by the end of january and the program I'm looking into is still taking applications then I'll apply and do that for next academic year aka this fall-next winter. and try to find some sort of outdoor or bio job for the spring-summer and volunteer somewhere if I can find a spot ! sorry for the info dump my mind has just been going brrrrrrrrrrr all this week :-)

#it would be through a college not a university #in the states I think you guys call them community colleges #my one concern about doing school again in the fall is if it's online because I'll genuinely drop it #because I'm going for the in person learning and hands on field experience and making connections/friends #I'm actually a little excited thinking abt it :! #I've kinda been all over the place though like ohhh maybe I should shift into forestry because then I can make #decent money and still be able to spend time outside #but rn I think I'm gonna keep pushing for my main career goal which is essentially a wildlife biologist field technician #I really want to be working outdoors collecting samples/data/etc doing population monitoring all that good stuff #and if it's really not working out after a few years then I might switch to forestry or I also saw some cool programs #for adventure tourism but ya again idk if that would be more lucrative anyways #I think the one year program will be nice because it's not a crazy time commitment and I don't really see any #downsides to having that diploma on my resume because I'll gain a lot of technical skills #I think the total program cost will be ~$5000 which is what one semester of university cost me not even #and I can definitely apply for aid and osap and whatnot #I can try to pick up a job during the year too because I'm not expecting the workload to be as intense as university was #and I'll be living closer to home so that'll be cheaper #anyways omg did not realize how much I needed to air out my thoughts in the notes lmao #asks

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

#troquantary #norwegian things #bella swan #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #evighetens kyss #evighetens kyss meta #evighetens kyss renessanse