#my own experience was that i kinda liked doing those things / being assigned to specific readings bc it really got me out of my comfort zone

[octagoncalibrator]

Nebula devblob Feb '24

This is a crosspost from cohost.

Thinking I'm going to start doing a weekly or fortnightly summary of changes on Nebula in a given week. Probably not going to be the most super thorough or well structured post, as I am a bit scatterbrained at the best of times, but heigh ho.

Nebula SS13 is an open source project based on the Baystation 12 version of Space Station 13. SS13 is a topdown multiplayer simulation game where you play the crew of a ship, station, colony, etc. depending on your fork and map, with the Nebula and Bay forks having a focus on roleplaying and simulation interactions.

Notable changes

Traitors (sort of like mafiosos in Mafia, secretly assigned antagonists) were getting tasked with assassinating their own informants among the crew. That has been fixed.

Quite a bit of work has been going into the fluid simulation. The current sim is a bit haphazard and allows you to use crewmembers or monkeys as sponges to soak up any flooding, since the water goes into their touching reagent holder and vanishes into thin air.

Lots of optimization work being done by Penny, mostly around initialization time, event registration/deregistration, and various smaller fixes and streamlining from her downstream project Lighthouse.

Outstanding bugs of note

There's a fun issue with the dev branch currently where, due to some changes to how atoms handle temperature changes, if you put a human in a 100C environment, all their blood will instantly coagulate into one giant clot. This has absolutely no negative impact on the human.

A serious client crash issue has been narrowed down to specifically trying to cut the tail off a humanoid mob with one. As soon as you dismember the tail, everyone within viewing distance will experience a hard client crash to desktop. This may simply be God's punishment; investigation continues.

Using an elevator to descend a level can drop you into a small patch of vacuum for unclear reasons. If you're very unlucky, that one tick of total pressure loss can explode your lungs. Use the stairs for now, it's better for you.

Current priorities

We have a few PRs waiting for merge into the 5th staging period, where we shake as many bugs as we can out of the dev branch before marking it an official release and pushing it to the stable branch. When those go in, we'll start r5 staging. Exciting stuff.

I'm working on some changes around enhancing the cooking system and the general experience of interacting with food. So far I've rewritten utensils to work a bit better - previously they liked to just teleport a chunk of food from your meal into your guts, bypassing all checking of petty things like 'can I actually fit this food in my stomach' and 'am I physiologically capable of eating this mint without exploding'. Next up: Soup(tm).

I kinda wanna add fishing? But I don't just want to use Polaris fishing where you click a rod on some water and wait for 300 years. Pondering how responsive a Stardew Valley fishing minigame would be in BYOND...

#ss13 #gamedev #nebulass13 dev

[clambuoyance]

I really like your style. Was it intentionally designed, or did you just sort of fall into it over time?

I wouldnt say I intentionally designed it, as in I haven't sat down and Engineered a specific style, and instead it was more of me finding what I liked and wanted to incorporate into my style.

You could probably trace my style back to its influences. I used to draw really round shapes (I still do but like they were just ovals and circles...I guess i just like that shape) until I started watching How to Draw Anime tutorials in middleschool T-T (shoutout to Mark Crilley lol)

But when I first joined social media back in 2016, I found all these crazy artists with really unique styles that really influenced me. I was drawn towards artists like star_bite/prince_canary and rawrgyle/grassflu who have very dynamic expressions and character poses :0 (also they ended up working on a Batman and Superman project respectively and how wild is it that my icons from forever ago now work on projects aligned with my current interests!!!) And as you get exposed to different artists you get exposed to the many ways you can Draw things and along with your natural affinities towards certain things (such as me being attracted to Bright and Bold colors and Shaped styles) you kind of naturally build a style.

And part of that is also just having fun Trying things out? Sometimes I wouldnt even try to emulate their style as much as I tried to just...do what they were doing? As in making my ocs and putting them in fun poses, and doing color palette trends and such etc.

I hope that helped! If you're curious I can break down some of my style checkpoints over the years. As you can see there was still some major anime influence in my style back then when I first joined social media around 2015/2016

Around that time, I also discovered the fandom around the Cartoons popular at the time, so I drifted away from anime and drew things like gravity falls/steven universe/otgw etc etc so it got Rounder I guess. I really liked how stylized characters looked and got obsessed with Shape Language and assigning characters distinct Shapes (box vs triangle vs circle etc). I also read a lot of webcomics and stuff like that so those played a part I guess

And then around 2019 I saw more artists drawing anime fanart with really sharp angles, which was completely different but so cool to look at so I tried to incorporate more angles into my art. I still had that very cartoony style but tried to push the Sharpness a tad bit more if you can tell. (I think the name of the artist I liked was jeluto?)

I think around this time I also focused a lot more on color as well and did a lot of paintings then and whenever I did more Painterly stuff I tended to switch Styles into something Less Cartoony T-T

Then by 2020, I revamped my ocs, actually tried to break down and study my own style and how I would draw them, and my style kinda fell into a mix of round vs sharp edges I guess. I tried to give myself Rules which I would follow when stylizing a character to keep it more consistent and intentional.

Then in 2021 some of that Fun Part of stylizing characters into something more Cartoony kind of took a backseat as I focused more on Pose Work and Body Expression instead which I think helped a lot :0

And here's some recent stuff from the past year! Still very cartoony, but less so than 2016 I'd say, and still using really bold colors!! Still love my Soft Vs Hard angles B]

And overall have stronger pose work :) I'm sure my style will evolve as I learn more and experiment more, because one thing I want to focus on is backgrounds and environments :0

#clam answers #art tip #art tips #style talk #idk

[gatorbites-imagines]

So since your request are open could you write Ruby, Alejandro, and price who's a high school biology teacher that the students love? Thank you 😊 and remember to take breaks and drink water

Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra, Alejandro Vargas, John Price

Headcanon

I wasn’t sure if you wanted them to be the teacher or the reader to be, so I just went with them being the teacher.

I almost failed my classes in biology so no mentions of the content of biology will be mentioned, because I cannot remember any of it.

Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra

-          Rudy would be the type of teacher who takes his time to walk his students through that’s happening, explaining things in different ways if his students didn’t understand one way.

-          He would give out worksheets that help in figuring out where things are in the specific subject, for example if it’s the heart it would be a sheet that the students could fill out with the different names of things.

-          The students would love him because he’s patient and takes his time, he’s never annoyed with students, but he also isn’t scared of telling students to leave if they’re disrupting the class.

-          Rudy does experiments in the labs to show what he means every now and then, so everyone can get some hand on experience so it would be easier to understand.

-          Rudy also gives the vibe of the type of teacher where he invites you to eat in his classroom during lunch if you aren’t doing so well.

 Alejandro Vargas

-          Alejandro is a little more enthusiastic than Rudy, he is a little all over the place but it somehow all makes sense. He’s got a lot of PowerPoints and a lot of slides with drawings and explanations for what he’s showing.

-          He’s more than happy to help during breaks between classes if there’s something you are struggling to do, and he goes home to research different ways to explain the thing students struggle with so he can help them in different ways.

-          Hed use physical examples for some of his subjects, like let’s say he was working on the lungs, hed tell a couple of students to go run up and down the hallway a few times and then hed use how they were out of breath as a way to explain the subject.

-          Alejandro doesn’t put up with any kind of bullying or disrespect in his class too, and he looks out for the little guy. So, he’s a favorite amongst the students for standing behind his students and getting bullies punished.

-          He keeps snacks in his class for those who don’t have any lunch of their own or are feeling under the weather, as a little pick-me-up.

 John Price

-          Price is a more down to earth teacher. He writes a lot on the blackboards and draws pictures. He takes it at a comfortable pace and makes sure everyone understands before moving on to the next thing.

-          He’s the kind of biology teacher to bring the students out on trips like to the forest or the beach to go over things that happen in nature and have conversations about what is out there and what they are working with.

-          Price is a favorite teacher because he allows no bullying whatsoever, and because he’s the kinda teacher you can cry too, and he will comfort you. Feeling stressed about exams or an assignment? He will sit with you and hear what you are going through and do his best to give you some useful advice.

-          He’s the kind of teacher that wont force you to do your work, but he also won’t pull you out of the hole you’ve dug yourself at the end of the year when you don’t understand any of the exam prep, because it was on you to do your assignments.

-          Now if you are actually struggling of course he helps, but if you are the kind to just not do work and not pay attention, he wont force you.

#call of duty #cod #call of duty modern warfare #rodolfo rudy parra #alejandro vargas #John price #cod imagine #cod headcanon #cod x male reader #cod x reader #rodolfo rudy parra imagine #rodolfo rudy parra headcanon #rodolfo rudy parra x male reader #rodolfo rudy parra x reader #alejandro vargas imagine #alejandro vargas headcanon #alejandro vargas x male reader #alejandro vargas x reader #John price imagine #john price headcanon #john price x male reader #john price x reader

[perplexingluciddreams]

having Thoughts and Feelings about gender and sexuality shit. again. so... here is some rambling:

i am definitely female + like being female (or at least feel neutral about it). except breasts. chest is the only thing i want to change about my body.

but also kinda a boy. but only in the way of specific things that i, personally, have grouped together and assigned the label of "boy".

and if i described my general stance on my own gender without using any labels, most people would mentally assign it as some variant of nonbinary (i think?). or "agender". but i don't like those words because i don't have a personal connection with what they mean at all.

pretty much all dysphoria stuff revolves around physical body for me - and part of my reasons for that is disability based (like sensory + causing physical pain, limiting clothing, limiting mobility, etc.). but also i have much lower awareness of my own body AND other people's bodies and physical characteristics that might make someone "clock" male/female. so there is a lot i don't care about, simply because i have never noticed it.

my preferences about how i am called - name and pronouns - is mostly about the choice, really. and he/him is one of the things that my brain groups together under the word "boy". which i like! i always wished i was a "boy" as a kid (but only in these specific ways that i personally thought of as part of "being a boy").

a BIG part of wishing i was a boy when i was younger was because all the boys i saw around me seemed so comfortable in their bodies and physically able to move around and command their bodies to do what they wanted. which is always something i yearned for. (and also something i will never have to the extent that i wish for, because i am simply too disabled).

but also really wish i didn't have all the gender feelings so i could just be... a lesbian??? or something. or something? i don't know.

also don't even know at all what my sexuality is (like, NO idea) and have no avenue to explore it all. literally no in-person contact with anyone outside of parents and sister. i can't work anything real out with only access to hypotheticals.

don't feel like i can base any labels i use for myself around other people (or my attraction to other people). because i am barely aware that other people exist majority of the time.

and have no sense of community with other queer people, not really. sure there is online a tiny bit, but i can't fit into that anywhere because i am too disabled. already said i have no in-person contact, so that affects this very much too. i feel very lonely and cut-off and isolated in this respect.

obviously, also the fact that i have such little awareness of how anyone else experiences gender or sexuality means that i will never have a "gauge" for where my experience fits in. no matter how well i express it (which also never feels good enough).

and most of all i wish that i wasn't the way i am. because even if i find the perfect way to express it, even if i find community in the future, even if i get top surgery and feel finally at home in my body - the world will always be more cruel to me because of the way i am.

already there is intrinsic difficulty and cruelty from the world because i am disabled, which cannot change at all. it is permanent. but i just wish i wasn't queer, as well, on top of that. it might make things a wee bit less complicated and difficult.

or maybe it is just that i want to be comfortable and happy. and wish it wasn't so difficult to be me. i don't know. i only know it is hard, and i want it to be easy.

anyway, ramble over. for now.

#from the chaos of my mind #autism #autistic #developmentally disabled #disabled #gender #sexuality #queer #transsexual #transgender #trans #swearing

[fanonical]

sorry if this is a silly question but in trans hyrule is everyone trans? like zelda ganon and beedle too etc

no! #trans hyrule is just what i call the basis of the fic(s) because i haven't got a proper name for it yet. well, i do have ONE idea, but it's kind of ambitious, so i want to do more work on individual smaller projects first before i commit to the megafic.

it's just called that because it focuses on transness, transition & the different types of trans people and how they might live in Hyrule, not because literally every character is trans (though that would rule).

plenty (probably even a majority) of characters will still be cisgender -- or at least presented as perceived to be cisgender by Link at first; many of those characters may eventually reveal "oh no i am actually trans i'm just stealth" (i'm thinking Paya maybe?) or come out part way through the story or whatever (i have a couple of other NPCs lined up for this) because i want to portray a vast variety of trans characters with different identities, experiences & who are at different points in their journey

the three examples you used are interesting though! because i think i have interesting answers for those three specifically.

i think Zelda was assigned female at birth, but doesn't have feel a strong connection to that assigneder gender, & also hasn't (and perhaps won't) really examined that and how she feels about her own gender; i think that maybe if she were really forced to confront with it and identify a certain way she might even identify as agender, but i don't know if i'll depict this happening -- to me this seems like it might be beyond where she is at as a character in BOTW/TOTK, and something she might discover about herself later in life? imho, her own gender couldn't be the furthest thing from her mind so probably doesn't think about it much.

Ganon i think is a cis guy, just because i'm doing other stuff with the Gerudo, and i think it's actually really interesting to explore with what Nintendo's already set up for us; a lot of the Gerudo stuff in canon is whack and imho racist & kinda transphobic (not to mention it relies on some pretty backwards ideas about gender). i wanna see what i can do to "trans" that up a bit whilst still leaving the gendered tension in place; a lot of peopke have suggested making gerudo a total trans haven or just removing the gender stuff from it at all & making Ganon a trans guy from a culture with traditionally only one gender -- these are all interesting ideas, but what i have stored up for this is way more interesting i think; i want to challenge the idea that "every man" born to Gerudo culture is evil like Ganon, and explore how both transmasc Gerudos & transfeminine people of other races visiting Gerudo City might be treated worse for their perceived affiliation to Ganon & darkness. i'm being pretty vague here because whilst i haven't posted about it, the changes i'm making to Gerudo City are some of the most developed so far and i have big big fun fun plans to explore gender there

Beedle is a trans guy. it is known. i literally can't imagine this guy as anything but trans. i probably won't explore this too much because he's kind of a tertiary character at best, but trust me, it is canon to my fic, and he'll show up often enough that it'll be relevant

thanks for asking!!!! hope this was interesting

#Trans Hyrule

[system-of-a-feather]

(Rambling on our System Dynamics)

It's kind of funny to say, but our system literally isn't doing any targetted system / DID work in therapy and havent since like, November 2022. Having hit functional multiplicity and having established an incredibly self reliant and internally strong dynamic with one another, we really have no need to specifically work ON our DID and rather just need to work WITHIN our DID. Our current (and technically old) therapist is trained in dissociation, but compared to our previous therapist who was a dedicated specialist, he is far more generalized and better for helping us in life and so that is what we've been doing for the past eight months.

Beyond context of the side fact that we live "as multiple people" and have a unique way of having to navigate our mental health and life as being many parts, we really don't think, talk or work specifically on DID and its really not something we really actively consider with how much of it just "is" part of our life.

We still do have PTSD and all, but a lot of the shit we've been through has been satiated or honestly healed over that we don't regularly have large scale symptoms unless we specifically sit on it. We are much more concerned with our day to day life, gender shit, adjusting to full-fledged full-time adulthood and figuring out what we want to do with our fully fledged and finally free wingspan that all of the DID stuff is feels a lot like talking about living as a brunette or some shit.

Honestly a lot of it stems to just kind of going back to square one with DID and going back to really just.... not fixating so much on the details of it and learning to be comfortable focusing on day to day life as your various selves and leave the internal shit to whatever goes on there, cause honestly - you lived and survived not knowing of it or not being overtly / constantly aware of it before figuring it out, and while it is important to approach it in the right way because often back then there were issues that could be addressed, you can go back to just living life and letting the DID exist in and around it - it just takes a lot of learning to self trust

Like I'm pretty sure its apparent from this blog, but all of us just kind of exist and do our own thing and while its undeniable that we have DID (I mean look at Riku and I) and that is obvious and overt in this blog, we aren't really frequently too hung up on the "Oh wow" and "Oh no"s of DID.

Like yeah we probably have a butt fuck ton of trauma holders and fragments we aren't aware of, yeah we have a whole side system probably that we don't know of, but they are both 1) dormant and 2) something our system can very easily handle and deal with regardless of how bad it is because the parts that keep an eye on those parts are chill and we have a way of doing things and experience of doing things that just work.

We also have basically thrown out most role labels save for Host, Gatekeeper, and Trauma Holder unless its for communications sake cause those are the only real big information defining terms really. Riku and I play roles as large caretakers and protectors as do almost every part because thats kinda just how we've fostered trust and care with one another.

It's not really a "role" anymore to be a caretaker or a protector cause its not a job or anything anyone is assigned to do or anything. We don't protect or care for eachother as an internalized job or function or anything, we do it cause we can and someone we care about needs it.

The labels really just don't make sense for us at this point anymore and honestly, in hindsight, I think they pushed a sense of learned helplessness for Riku and other "protected" parts and pushed burnout for the parts doing the protecting (also Riku ironically)

Riku doesn't need protecting anymore than anyone else on a day to day and when they do need protecting, they don't need it in any unique manner than anyone else in a hard time. I don't need someone coddling my emotions and telling me what I feel and comforting me on a day to day more than the average person, and when I do need some emotional support - it again isn't anymore than any other person who needs help in a hard time.

Likewise Lucille isn't someone who doesn't need someone to watch his back and protect him sometimes cause he isn't this special diety that can fix everything, he's a guy and thus why he has Ray covering his back. Ray is our FBI agent Omnipotent God Gatekeeper and he likes to look like he can fix everything but its a fucking meme in the system how the dude is always like one precise poke away from being a mess which is why Lucille has to cover his back.

Like everyone in this system is Just A Guy even if they aren't Just A Guy cause we are all fucking stupid and amazing in extreme and astounding ways. All of us are stupid on our own and need care and protecting from time to time in unique ways and the COOL thing is that we are all stupid in different ways so theres always someone to cover for the other.

We long long long since threw out primary protector, that hierarchy was stupid and led to conflicts with Aderis and Lucille. Then we just threw out caretaker and protector cause everyone is one.

Like honestly, I feel a lot of those roles add social status and class to a system which - if you know me - I fucking hate that shit and I think we should all just give what we can and take what we need as we need it. Assigning anything but the bare necessities that serve to describe unique responsibilities FOR the whole is just a lot of excess and extra shit.

Host - A leading part that fronts regularly and is responsible for guiding the system to a life that is good for the whole

Important due to the fact that his takes up a lot of energy and time and limits the amount of internal attention can be put to the system + lack of "RAM" to actually juggling the deep intricacies of DID; Designated Leading Role

Gatekeeper - A part responsible for Information TM

Important because they Do Things and Manage Things and are the Things tying the system together to keep shit stable

Trauma Holder - Not actually a role but a notation label to notate a part that needs particular consideration when being interacted with - similar to a "disability" label

Important because this label distinguishes parts that need special accommodation beyond the reflexive base line and would benefit from having a mentor to go to when trying to learn to reintegrate back into life and develop themselves beyond their trauma

And for the record - since someone might look at our definition for trauma holder and compare it to us saying that no part has unique need to be cared for or protected in our system - "trauma holder" does not inherently mean "need to be protected and cared for" - I'm a trauma holder and that's not a label I've outgrown despite also being a 'mentor' (anyone who hangs around a trauma holder in a dynamic where they might be a mentor - this is not a permanent role) role for other trauma holders. It means that other parts need to make accommodations for me to help enable me to do my best job and work in the system which those accommodations primarily are minding my triggers. Same thing applies for Aderis who is an "Elder" (I guess that's a "role" we use, but its more so a nickname for the parts that have a lot of experience as old-in-day protectors that have been around for a while).

#alter: xiv #xiv rambles #system dynamics #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[iwonderwh0]

Once again watching movies about androids and just commenting it in real time because I'm watching it alone and feel like talking

This time it's M3GAN

Although those toys are a parody of kids entertainment content, I feel like they are good at capturing the essence. Yep, it feels pretty real, those things Would be popular.

I mean, this isn't even fiction, there have just been released a toy Grok powered with ai chatbot that even looks kinda the same

I mean look:

A lot of spoilers and commentary below

Damn, what did they use to build her for her to explode like that?

That breakfast looks sad. It's just a plain toast without anything.

What year is it supposed to be? They do robots that can smell things as a uni project, it's a lot more futuristic than setting looks.

And now M3GAN is suddenly stronger than this dog? It just dragged her body through the fence a few hours ago.

Damn, I got chills from M3GAN saving that memory for Cady

But then she started SINGING and it was kinda ruined

I can't, Cady literally looks like Emma

LOOK, I need you to find a difference between these two pictures

I mean, at this point M3GAN is sentient, so the problem isn't even that Cady views her as such, but rather that their relationships are really far from equal and M3GAN has too much authority/power over Cady's life. I've been in friendships where I idealized and basically worshipped my friend, making them kinda like top authority figure without realising it. It's not that it doesn't happen among human-to-human connection and it's honestly doesn't make it much better. It's just humans usually don't have this kind of power.

I'm not sure ears can do that damn 😳

I mean, you can't create sentient creature and then pretend it's just a toy/object/device.

This is what happens when you create an android that is that much stronger than human and doesn't have any kind of human-safe precautions on place that tells them not to rip kids ears out.

It's kinda ironic how the creepiest aspects of M3gan that aren't her absence of limits in regards to Cody's protection are a direct consequence of her being programmed like a toy, specifically, the way she speaks as if she's an elementary-school teacher that needs to baby-talk in a condescending manner and make everything into a lesson, and the way she just spontaneously starts to sing.

It's hard to deny that she's a person. It's just yeah, the way she was programmed makes her a dangerous psychopath.

And coming from that fact that she's not a toy but a person, a kid can't really grow out of her, as she's their actual friend with a mind of its own, instead of something that is only a kid's imagination.

Robot-horror that dances around the topic of the Squiggle Maximizer* feels like a genre in itself. I think Hal9000 from Space Odyssey was the first example of that in movies?

* A Squiggle Maximizer is a hypothetical artificial intelligence whose utility function values something that humans would consider almost worthless, like maximizing the number of paperclip-shaped-molecular-squiggles in the universe. The squiggle maximizer is the canonical thought experiment showing how an artificial general intelligence, even one designed competently and without malice, could ultimately destroy humanity. The thought experiment shows that AIs with apparently innocuous values could pose an existential threat. (source of this exact phrasing of this hypothetical)

"Gemma, this is nuts. We've taken every possible precautions there is to make sure M3GAN never causes physical harm to anybody."

Oh so there were some? What precautions exactly? From how it's presented it kinda seems like no one really reviewed her code that much.

"This is impossible, she's a toy!"

Why is it that people always fail to recognise sentient computers in movies? With human superstition it seems like on the contrary people are prone to personify objects and assign them soul. I mean, people be referring to boats as "she", and yet when something actually is made to seem sentient, people in movies seem to struggle with accepting this idea.

I refuse to see Cady's (co-)dependence on m3gan as iPad kid syndrome 2.0, it really is different when it's basically a person.

And I don't really get her (Cody's) getting violent part either. I mean, it could be explained as bad influence, but it's not like M3GAN encourages her to be violent in their time together.

"She's not a solution, she's just a distraction"

I mean, yes? But would a distraction in form of human friend in this situation be any different?

Damn! 😳

I love it. I mean, it's the horror genre, and it's good for what it promises to be.

Oh, she finally talks normally.

CREATION VS CREATOR LET'S FUCKING GO HELL YES

The ending scene with voice assistant chills

Damn, this movie was great. Not sure I'd want to rewatch it though, but it was interesting, well filmed and actually looked like authors put a thought into it. All the Chekhov's guns were put to use.

I kinda had a predjustice about it because of that "Connor vs M3GAN" poll on Tumblr with people being just insufferably hostile in comments, but it was a lot better than I expected.

I didn't expect to ramble so much in process either, but this time, maybe due to it being really recent movie and hence actual, it was (I hate this word but I can't find another) thought-provoking.

And I love that it didn't end up giving me an impression of author condescending to me with some moral lesson "black mirror style" (deragatory), but reads as authors just wanting to tell a story, which honestly seems to be quite rare within android-centric media.

#movies about androids #M3GAN #m3gan (2023)

[refundtheticket]

Ur so fucking real for that post, I was also having meltdowns and being violent and disruptive and getting intro trouble constantly as a kid and I cannot relate to the 'quiet and gifted kid' mental illness thing AT ALL

haha THANK YOU i’m glad you can relate. it’s weird bc i acknowledge that yknow these things take different forms and i empathize with the fact that things are hard for everyone but the emphasis on being Well Behaved To A Fault esp with good grades just ends up making me feel so alienated lol. the good grades thing is a big one for me, doing really badly in school felt like such a huge part of how i was looked at as being unintelligent???

(this got long so: read more)

also so weird to me bc i swear having adhd and autism is usually associated with bad grades (maybe more of an adhd thing?) which is like why are we pretending we all got great grades. (edit: whoops forget to mention, i know the poll was about general mental illness but i often see this specific trait brought up for adhd and autism diagnoses and a lot of people in the comments were bringing up those) adhd gave me the power to never get any assignment done and autism gave me the ability to find every assignment meaningless and pointless etc

it kinda feels like it’s pushing this narrative that like these people who did well in school did everything Right and it was the adults around them who failed them, and then kids who just sucked got all the help and resources grrr and it’s like buddy. the adults failed everybody. including the neurotypical people frankly but that’s neither here nor there

in terms of the “help” i got (which mostly started in high school, my elementary and middle school teachers mostly regarded me as one would a rodent), my teachers literally just assumed i couldn’t read or write, restricted classes i could enroll in (which restricted my options for colleges and had a huge impact on my further education), had some person follow me around who wouldn’t leave me alone even when i asked her to (which yes. had social repercussions. she was somewhat short lived tho at least) and baby talked to me like i was 5 well into my final year of high school. among other things… and no that didn’t help with anything LMAO it was actually extremely dehumanizing and left me with lasting emotional damage!! (obv if you can’t read or write getting help for that is great but being assumed you can’t do anything on your own and having that ‘help’ mandated to the point where you’re restricted entry into certain CLASSES sucks ass)

anyway all that said i am coming at this from the perspective of a millennial who finished high school in 2010 so for all i know gen z got an entirely different experience

#personal on main #sorry for the RAMBLE

[dykefaggotry]

„but demisexuality for example is just quite literally not Feeling sexual feelings/urges towards someone At All until you're incredibly close to them. you don't fantasize about strangers or celebraties or get turned on by people you find hot. you're functionally asexual until you get to know someone and develop feelings for them. and even after that it's gonna work differently than it does for an allosexual partner.“ thing is. I get this, I do. Because that’s me. But on the other hand, this is almost everyone I know as well who is afab. And based on my experience, I’m convinced that if you would look at statistics of demisexuality, you’d find that there’s a big overlap with afabs. And yeah this is anecdotal, but don’t you think that there’s a possibility that ace spectrum is part of the normal sexual experience, it’s just being framed as something specific and different because it’s mostly experienced by people who are not cis male? I think there’s a gender aspect to this that people don’t take into account. And if people think the asexuality label fits then and empowers them, that’s super valid. But at the same time I would also like it if people would say „being Demi is kinda normal though“ instead, because it normalized a sexual experience that is experienced very commonly among non cis men.

a quick note that "afabs" as a group like this is not very useful and also that's not its function in language like it's way easier to say people who were afab/people assigned female at birth bc "assigned female at births" is a weird sentence. and there are ppl who aren't cis men who are not afab.

and this is also anecdotal for me as well but most allosexual people I've met are in fact. assigned female at birth. like most of this website is assigned female at birth and every single person I've talked to who has made me realize oh shit yall actually feel sexual attraction for real? has been assigned female at birth

sexual attraction isn't Just for cis men and I understand where you're coming from but we are looping back around to bioessentialism here. like again, my experience is also anecdotal, but most incredibly horny people I talk to are afab. honestly I know more people amab who identify on the ace spectrum than I do people afab in my own personal life

so like. where there's a lack of studies done I think it is very very dangerous to rely on anecdotal experiences and claim some very bioessentialist claims based on your own experience. and I understand what you are trying to convey but there's many issues w this line of thought

plenty of people assigned female at birth experience immediate sexual attraction. plenty of people assigned male at birth do not.

and while agree that yes it's part of the normal sexual experience and no one has to label their sexuality anything, I disagree w the notion that it's at all based on birth sex assignment. or to my original point that "everyone feels like this" bc typically those people are again, talking about when you Decide to fuck someone

like I feel like generally Many people probably do feel asexual in some ways. and some people are happy to label it and some people aren't. but it's unhelpful of people to say "that's normal stop trying to label it something special" and it's also unhelpful to assign it to The Sexes. esp when those things Are very anecdotal like I said. we have the exact opposite experience so it's either one of us is wrong or maybe (the biggest chance here) that human experience is vast and varied and can't be divided neatly into What Vagina Havers Do vs What Penis Havers Do

#discourse cw #like I get what ur saying but I don't really agree w how u got there

[candie-bar]

Headcannon post because yes

I just feel like it. I would like to share my takes. Spread information. Keep in mind Half my reasoning for anything is thinking it, going "yep that's funny" and incorporating it into my worldview.

-First off, the world itself. After the whole Black Mesa Incident, they basically got put into a big "sandbox" type world to live in. There's basically two types of NPC's in the world: "Filler" NPCs (Think the entire US Millitary. They have no purpose other than to shoot and die.) Filler NPCs exist to make the world feel more populated or serve a very specific, simple purpose, and generally can't be interacted with. The other type of NPC is interactable NPCs. These are AI more similar to the cast, and have more personality. These are the NPCs that have the ability to become more aware, if the oppritunity arises. They're few and far in between, but have a tendancy to flock to each other. I like to think that the Science Team aren't the only "Interactables," Like there's Joshua obviously but I'll get more on the others later.

-The whole player thing basically works the same as it does for Kris Deltarune but more subtle. That was unintentional. I explained it to my friend and they went "Oh so like Kris Deltarune?" and I went oh. At least Gordon didn't really notice it until after everything was over. He just thought it was the whole traumatic situation thing. Haha now whenever he dissociatates from PTSD he also has to worry about if it's a sequel starting. fun :)

-I've seen the headcannons about Benry being experimented on by Black Mesa, and while those do make for good stories, I raise to you that he grew up on a cow farm with the rest of his family (Chronicles of Benry go Brrr), and just thought it would be really funny if he went to work at the morally bankrupt science facility. Like really funny.

-Since we're on Benry's family topic, I personally find it hilarious to think that they're also non-humans. I just think it's funny. The few fics I've found that mention Emmet and Moola (spelling contested) make them human and that's funny too imo, but I want to go with this so. And I'm basing thiss off of my own interactions with my sibling, but I think "Forzen and Benry being siblings in the middle of an insanely petty argument" is also funny. Like if I was mad at my sibling and someone asked me what my relationship with them was I'd absolutely go something along the lines of "Well we Were friends :/" and also shoot them. I think Emmet's the oldest, with Benry having diagnosable middle child syndrome, and then Forzen's the youngest.

-The deal with Tommy is that he was kinda spawned in by the G-man in the early days of the game, but G-man had to go do something in another program for a bit so he left him home alone because it would be quick but Oops! Time progresses weird and it's been six years! So yes, Tommy technically is an orphan and uses this fact to his advantage to avoid explaining that his dad is a time god/that he's not human while also not lying.

-Tommy and Benry grew up in the same area and were childhood friends :) They both also had special intrests on legal things, but Tommy went the OSHA route and Benry knows everything about every legal paperwork ever. They'd be lawyer hell if they went that route but they didn't want to.

-So after the ResCas, The Science Team crashed at Gordon's place for a night. And they never really left. Joshua was delighted that he not only got a dog, but said dog was large enough to ride on. The neighborhood was already chaotic, they don't mind the additions. I keep imagining Joshua coming home with a family tree assignment and it just. does not make sense.

-At first, Tommy and Benry try to hide the fact that he's back but eventually they get found out and Benry gets slowly reintegrated back into the Team. He technically lives on his mom's dairy farm for a good while but spends a lot of time at the house.

-Speaking things into existance is real! If someone says something, it is true and fact. The exception is if it would be funnier if it was false (IE, Bubby lying about what his job actually is, see below). However, the universe will always take the "easiest" route to make it true while keeping in mind previous statements. This is why Joshua exists, yet there is no trace of an other parent, as it was deemed easier to make one child with uncertain origins as opposed to two people. It doesn't always have to make sense, but it is very real. This works better for some than others. Gordon refuses to acknowledge this facet of life.

-Bubby just. continually lies about what job he gets after the rescas. Technically, nobody needs a job but yknow, it's something to do. Nobody knows what he actually does all day. However, Coomer gets a job at a university, and Gordon's a substitute teacher there for a bit before becoming a twitch streamer. He subsitutes for Coomer's class Once and tells stories about him. None of his students beleive him. Nobody knows what Tommy does, but in a different flavor from nobody knows what Bubby does. Benry has a podcast where he "reviews Video Games" (does whatever he wants for about 30 minuites and breaks the game a la let's game it out). Darnold also opens his own options shop!

-Alyx Vance started babysitting Joshua in her teens on recommendation from Eli (He and Gordon are work friends) and never stopped. She was babysitting when the ResCas happened and knew about it from her father. Luckilly, he made it out alive too, just took a different route than the Science Team. She and Gordon are very good friends, but Gordon is a chaos person magnet and she likes to harass him in the same way that really close friends continually bully each other. Alyx met Benry one time and they both instinctually knew it was in their best intrests to team up to harass Gordon. He regrets introducing the two.

-I've mentioned there being other ppl in the neighborhood and so now I'm going to talk about them. I really like to imagine the other notable neighbors being Chell, Gladdos and Wheatley from portal in one house, and Stanley and the Narrator from The Stanley Parable in another. Like, Portal happens in actual half-life so why not also have it happening here (I do think there are a few slight differences tho cuz this is just my take on how those events would play out in a universe like this), and TSP has pretty similar themes imo.

-The deal with Tommy is that he was kinda spawned in by the G-man in the early days of the game, but G-man had to go do something in another program for a bit so he left him home alone because it would be quick but Oops! Time progresses weird and it's been six years! So yes, Tommy technically is an orphan and uses this fact to his advantage to avoid explaining that his dad is a time god/that he's not human while also not lying.

-Tommy and Benry grew up in the same area and were childhood friends :) They both also had special intrests on legal things, but Tommy went the OSHA route and Benry knows everything about every legal paperwork ever. They'd be lawyer hell if they went that route but they didn't want to.

-Benry ran away once because yknow. Edgy preteen years. And met Gordon for a bit. Cut to a few years later and "Oh it's that guy again! Neato!" and remembers perfectly whereas Gordon just. Does not. at all.

-Subnote: My take on Portal but the AI is Even More Aware is mostly the same, as it is very silly goofy game. However, I'd think Gladdos is more of a virus infecting technology across the lab instead of being made intentionally, wheatley was made to stop her as in the original games but they both just see each other and bluescreen and that's how they realize that reality is a video game so portal 2 is just dealing with the chaos of these two ai that have realized they do indeed have controll outside of the technology and figuring all that out. They just kind of follow Chell home and she has to live like this now. I also think it would be funny if Gladdos stole one of Chell's old TTS voices that she used to use to communicate.

-They say if you pass by one of the houses late at night on tuesdays specifically, you will hear Stanley and The Narrator arguing about whether or not to put up a painting of a shrimp in the living room. This is the only time anyone has ever heard Stanley speak.

-Anyways I think that HOA meetings would be sheer chaos. It is the only time Benry is allowed in the kitchen. He, Gladdos, and The Narrator are all trying to casually kill each other. Glass pie. Cyanide in the cookies. Deadly neurotoxin in the punch. Everyone else steers clear of the baked goods table. Nobody's demands make any sense and nothing ever changes.

-everyone in the neighborhood knows that the Science Team has robbed a bank. Several banks, in fact. Nobody cares. They might as well be the government as far as they're concerned.

-The reason Benry and Bubby are never allowed in the kitchen is because once they almost set the whole place on fire and made radioactive brownies. Dr. Coomer ate them afterwards.

-Benry drinks shampoo but supposedly hates conditioner. Yes he says that last part specifically to irritate Gordon.

-Occasionally, Darnold has everyone taste-test potions he made. It always ends in chaos.

-Physical board games are banned after The Incident, except for one night a year dubbed "fuckopoly night" where they play all of them at the same time. The winner gets all of the coins that have been accumulated in the swear jar (which gordon originally set up as a way to get his son to swear less but just kind of. expanded to a household thing.)

#hlvrai

[rcsetorn]

a penny for your thoughts? (Perhaps on verses?)

I enjoy different verses and very much encourage others to make them, too~  Even if there’s no one to write with for one, it’s still fun to see regardless.  Throwing a muse in a different setting, different scenarios and the multiple possibilities if developing things in your own way.  Or if things never get figured out, that’s fine, too.  I know for me personally, I kinda tailor mine to be open to figure out things as I rp since some interactions will alter my perspective of the verse and I want to add on finer details and such.

A lot of mine I’ve not fully explored, but enjoy getting poked for those outside the default IX.  (Although I love IX very much~)

I’ve not got it developed for it to be it’s own verse yet, but I suppose I could just drop Beatrix in Eorzea because of things that just make sense in XIV.  Something I keep running over in my head is Beatrix coming across Ravana and getting tempered by him.  Then she becomes a deadly threat to Ishgardians because she’s fighting for the Gnath under the servitude of a primal.  She’s already a danger, but increase it a few notches and she’ll really be rejoicing in the glory of combat~  I suspect those in Ishgard would take note and try to detain her.  If not kill, but plot armor there. ahah Also Zenos interest for her nature.  But that’s a different subject.  I just wanted to include it.

For her Kingdom Hearts verse, she’s a Nobody.  But I’ve never mentioned where her original self (Raibet) is from. :)  It’s actually part of development I wanted someone to get to that point with~ I wanted it to get just as convoluted as the series. ahah This verse was also me playing around with chemistry.  Not...relationships, but actual chemistry due to her elemental affinity I assigned to her.  A fun tidbit.  It’s metal.  This due to the meaning of its attributes and it being hidden 13th element of nature. Otherwise I do enjoy villains, and I’d like for her to interact more with the Organization.  Since she’s a rogue, they’re ordered to eliminate her, but would they question why?  Or would they just fight in Disney worlds.

Let’s see... Resident Evil also has a brain cell right now, too.  I’ve watched RE1-6 so far. (Because I”m too much of a wimp to play through them.)  But instead of Bea always being oriented towards war, as it would be very easy to make her a U.B.C.S operative, I thought I’d try doing something slightly different.  Flipping her undefeated soldier status with the advanced white magic to be instead the scientist that can very much defend herself.  Just for funsies. Now it would be fun for Beatrix to take it upon herself to infiltrate places infected, so she can eventually breach labs (specifically those owned/abandoned by Umbrella) so she can gather research and possible samples for her own experiments in order to develop cures and fight the spread in her own way.  Some methods that may not be agreed upon by others.

#inmiasma #◈ ╼ ༺ :| answered |: ༻ ╼ ◈ #verses are always fun. #even those i have listed inactive on my page. #they can still be poked. ahah. #i put thought into verses. #would be a shame to just discard them.

[luxeavenger]

just had a convo with my friend about adhd and how I might have it. AHAHA but apparently he has like, a list of people from our friend group who he thinks is adhd, and I’ve been on that list from the start. It was a very eye opening conversation and Ive kinda been wondering for a while if I might be a lil adhd (is that a good way to say it? I’m new, I don’t know terms and phrases and whatnot) but to be reassured that yes someone who has been diagnosed has noticed it in me was VERY validating. Apparently some of my traits aren’t like, normal? they be symptoms baby 😧 apparently the way I rant is very telling. (I say as I rant to you LOL) anyways, it is now 3 o’clock and I have spent 3 hours talking to this dude and my life has been questioned in the most validating way. I hope you’re doing well 🥰 (reading back on this knowing what I know about how I switch topics very quickly is funny HAHA)

as someone with adhd, i think saying “a lil adhd” is perfectly fine if you’re describing your personal experience with adhd. it’s disrespectful when someone who doesn’t have adhd says that to explain why they did something flaky. like, “omg i missed the whole movie because i was on my phone, i’m so adhd today!” or, “sorry my paper is a week late, i’ve been a little adhd lately.” those things are fine to say if you have it, and insensitive af if you’re using adhd symptoms to explain away something shitty you did

there definitely are gradations to symptoms people with adhd can experience. some people have very mild symptoms, and have learned to adjust to them and do fine without meds. some people have it so bad they can hardly function without medication. for instance, my brother has very mild symptoms. and he does fantastically without meds. he’s identified symptoms he experiences, and can adjust accordingly. he grew out of a lot of the symptoms he had when he was a kid. i, on the other hand, need medication. i can hardly focus without it. like, i KNOW when i’m being affected by it, but i can’t do a damn thing to stop it without medication

so i think it’s okay. as long as you’re describing how YOU’RE feeling

if you feel like you relate to the symptoms your friend talked to you about, it would benefit you to talk to your doctor about it. i realize going to the doctor isn’t something that’s financially possible for everyone, and if that’s the case for you, you can always look for resources online that teach you how to manage symptoms on your own

a diagnosis can be incredibly helpful, because symptoms can vary GREATLY depending on gender assigned at birth. so help identifying the symptoms you’re personally experiencing will benefit you greatly

i recommend looking at the chadd website for more info. they have a myriad of information that’s extremely helpful at all stages of your journey

i hope you’re good nonnie. 💜 i’m glad you had such an illuminating conversation with your friend! it’s a real revelation with you find out negative things you’re experiencing have a specific reason for occurring, and that there’s something tangible that you can do to combat it. good luck 💜💜💜

#mail opened 📬 #adhdawareness #i have adhd #mental health

[caroloftheshells]

some guy william robin is out there just eviscerating american comp culture in all the big musicology journals and now that i’ve started reading his stuff for one of my classes i’m like. hm. so that DID happen and it WASN’T just me

#last thing i read of his was about the whole thing where students (reading as.... those paying for the opportunity to do so) #will write these hyperspecific '3 cellos and a didgeridoo' sorts of pieces for some new music ensemble to read #which then will play them maybe once & not incorporate them into their rep; and also occasionally not even give composers due credit #or like 'ownership' of the music bc as it becomes part of the '3 cellos and a didgeridoo ensemble' rep it starts 'belonging' to the ensemble #which functions more as a brand or a band in its own right rather than merely a presenter of x type of music #so the upshot is you have all these people vying for absolutely ridiculous opportunities of oneshot performances #that don't actually go anywhere re publication compensation or future performances / recordings #and that may or may not actually reflect the music said person wants to write; is good at writing; OR will profit from writing #unless or until you have famous friends and the 'collaboration' aspect becomes more of a level playing field & a (semi)permanent arrangement #so it's the classic 'exposure' thing but then you don't even actually get exposure bc most of the time it won't get played again #which is i guess kinda specific to notated music as an ephemeral / temporally experienced art form that you can put effort into as a writer #but that ultimately rests on others' cooperation for its existence and can't be shared with an audience as-is #anyway. interesting article #called 'balance problems' #comp tag #carol overreacts to life #my own experience was that i kinda liked doing those things / being assigned to specific readings bc it really got me out of my comfort zone #but now i have sax & guitar duo music; sax & vibraphone duo music; flute-clarinet-trumpet-horn-piano-perc-cello-bass music; etc #kind of floating around that is not really 'marketable' in the same way as; say; a string quartet or a reed quintet or pierrot/pierrot+ #and most of it is also just kind of trashy and not my style. except the aforementioned fl-cl-tr-hn-pno-perc-vc-cb piece which i do love #and which i did end up rearranging for pierrot+ so it could actually get played lol #anyway. i'm so jealous the duke people in this article got to work with ben folds. *i'm* from nc and *i* want to meet ben folds. >:(

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

#hiimholalate #gender #agender #queer stuff #gender is a social construct #social construct #genderqueer #long post

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jungwoo another late birthday au....but happy snoopy day <3 find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung | jaehyun

"congratulations and welcome to the team!"

the overly peppy voice that comes out of the body of the middle-aged man somehow doesn't match the soulless look in his eyes

he hands you a whistle and a t-shirt, which when you unfold greets you with the name of the water park you've been cursed to work at all summer

the font is big and bubbly and very, very, very yellow - it's almost nauseating

you turn the shirt around and on the back, in that same childish font, is the word staff

"jungwoo, glad to see you here again!"

you turn your head to see the man, who is your shift manager, patting a rather thin and tall looking boy on the back

he makes a gagging noise which the manager just laughs heartily at before dropping the same shirt and whistle in jungwoo's palm

"hey wait - which ride am i on this year?"

"um let me see - you're on ........ ah, the log flume with the new employee."

you motion to yourself because it seems like you're the only new face at the orientation

everyone else has cliqued up and is already mumbling about how much this is going to suck with each other

jungwoo slinks over and throws the shirt over his shoulder

"log flume kinda sucks, just so you know."

"really? i can't imagine getting sprayed by residual dirty water isn't a thrilling experience - especially when it happens a hundred times a day."

there's a pause and then a large grin forms of jungwoo's features

"oh - i like you."

you affirm the notion with a little bit of a prideful shrug and smile yourself

good, i think i like you too.

of course - when you and jungwoo first exchange these sentiments, it's nothing more than an employee-to-employee relationship

jungwoo has a sense of humor that either tends to fly over peoples heads or offend them (sometimes both)

but you catch on quickly and sometimes even beat him in a game of his own wits

during an opening shift where you two are testing the ride and cleaning up the waiting area, jungwoo confides that when he was in middle school someone had pointed out that he's "eccentric"

you scrunch your nose up as you tie a knot around the garbage bag in your hand

"eccentric is a polite way of saying fucking weird, you know that right jungwoo?"

"do you think im 'fucking weird' then?"

he does a pose and you shake your head with a little laugh

"no i think you're just....you."

he relaxes his limbs and tilts his head to the side, without a verbal answer you somehow sense that that was the one thing jungwoo really wanted to hear

working the log flume though - is as hellish as expected

most of your days are spent standing in those hot, cheap plastic ponchos and waving at families with screaming children or rowdy teenagers who barely fit in the ride with their bony knees

despite your efforts to keep dry, you and jungwoo always end up soaked

he's forgetful and clumsy so half the time you have to share the towel you bring with him, not to mention your lunch gets gobbled up by him too

you ask at some point why jungwoo just doesn't bring his own stuff - you are not a one-stop 7/11 shop

he laughs and takes a bite into the huge soft pretzel sold in the water park

"why should i bring anything, you've always got everything we need!"

a pang like the toll of a bell vibrates through the cavity of your chest

we - what about "we", there's no "we", there's just......."friends"

a sour taste in your mouth accompanies the thought and so you push it to the back of your mind

"still - at least start bringing your own change of clothes, you're too tall for any of my shirts."

"crop-tops are in though!"

you stare down at the switchboard that operates the log flume - the buttons with scraping labels, the emergency stop button, the little cubbies below where people leave their phones

the park is closing in thirty minutes and jungwoo has scampered off to hand in your ticket collection to the manager

the summer evening is hovering between the last beams of light and suddenly - alone at the top of the ride - something shifts

you unfile the thought you had before, the idea of what 'we' means to you and jungwoo

and you come to a daunting realization that, after only a couple of weeks of laughter and grueling minimum wage work, the statement "i think i like you too" is starting to take a new shape in your heart

"hey - did you drown up there?"

you lean over the side and see jungwoo below waving

even with the distance the essence of his warm shine floats up and tickles at your cheeks.

you swat it away, but it doesn't work.

"no - the log flume ghost caught me, i can't come down."

you joke back and he salutes

"wait there, i will come save you - i have fought that ghost once before!"

he's joking, but something flutters its wings when you hear him rush up the steps with all the seriousness of coming to get you. to save you.

when he reaches you - you mask the weird flush climbing up your spine - and pretend to be flailing

jungwoo gives you a kindergarten laugh as he joins in on the fun - a fake punch to the face of a fake ghost

he grabs you around the waist and tugs you toward him, and inches from his face, you see something behind the childish glint in the brown of his eyes.

he's so handsome.

"saved you! let's get out of here or the manager will accuse us of trying to sneak in overtime."

the weight of his hands on you is only described as comforting, easy. so very easy.

so even when he lets go and you are trailing behind him and the rest of the park employees after closing you miss it, you miss the touch of a friend who is becoming a lot more than just that.

"jungwoo's being switched to the lazy river starting today, that place is such a cease pool of idiocy that i need more coverage on it."

a groan escapes jungwoo before you can even process what the manager is saying

"what? but i hate that place most of all - do you know how many random dads get into fights on that thing?"

"am i going to be on log flume alone?"

your voice is way calmer than you expect it to be and the manager makes a passive motion with his hand, "yep - and i trust you'll handle it fine."

jungwoo's look is apologetic and slightly bitter, you reach out to give him a pat on the shoulder, but your palm hovers above the fabric of his shirt before pulling embarrassingly back to your side

either he doesn't notice or he chooses not to say anything because jungwoo turns and trudges over to the other three people assigned to the river

without jungwoo, the weird gnawing feeling of a summer crush only gets stronger, because now that he's not glued to your side

you miss him so terribly it almost makes you feel sick

coupled with the boredom of being alone the entire day with strangers seems to just worsen the symptoms

a week into the switch, you make the choice to visit jungwoo on your lunch break

you arrive just in time to see the aftermath of one of those dad fights he had mentioned

jungwoo is waist-deep in the water with two of those inflatable tubes on either side. he looks like he's negotiating a war truce between two disgruntled generals and he hands the tubes back as the men disperse to their respective families with scowls on their faces

jungwoo is also not wearing a shirt

"lazy river is much more hands-on then log flume"

the line of his back is lean and there are some healing bruises under his ribs which you can only assume are from his rather clumsy nature, the other thought of what could have caused them makes your head spin

"hey - i see you're literally in the trenches"

jungwoo turns and runs a hand through his wet bangs to get a better look at you. the action shouldn't make your knees feel like jelly.

"i hate this place, come over here and dunk my head underwater please."

you squat down near the edge and jungwoo wades closer to you

you place a brown paper bag beside you and motion to it

"im assuming you still aren't bringing your own lunches and are surviving off scraps from everyone else?"

he grins, "you know me so well"

i know i do - you think to say, but keep the words in your throat - i know i do, which is weird because we've been friends for a little over a month.

"hows log flume?"

"boring without you."

jungwoo whistles and you catch the way the sun makes every little drop of water on him glisten

"ill stop by on my break since you stopped by on yours"

a second of comfortable silence passes and jungwoo jumps up and out of the river with an ease

he grabs the lunch you've brought and is about to say something when a whistle from the other side of the river catches your attentions

"ugh this place is supposed to be lazy."

he complains and before he turns to the direction of the sound, he touches your cheek with the slightly wet palm of his hand

"thanks for lunch, see you later."

the gesture haunts you.

you even ask someone in the line for log flume what it means and she gives you a side glare that can only be conjured by a specific breed of mom.

you try to google it, but nearly drop your phone into the water.

jungwoo doesn't come by that day - he actually only manages to visit you the next day.

he shows up in his trunks, no shirt, and the towel he never gave back to you after he borrowed it over his shoulder

"sorry, do you know how many kids get food poisoning and decide the riv-"

you put up a hand to stop him from divulging details and jungwoo leans against the post that controls the ride as you wave off the next bunch of people

you feel him watch you before he joins you and helps start lowering the bar for the next log that splashes its way into the starting point

as you two go through the rows with practiced repetition

you meet in the middle

your hands both reach out to touch the bar, bringing it down over the laps of two young-looking middle schoolers who are pretending not to be holding hands

one of them giggles as you and jungwoo's fingers brush

the slight pass of skin on skin feels like a burst of electricity

stepping back to wave the group off - jungwoo slips in beside you and asks with a kind of strained sarcasm

"who takes their date on the log flume?"

"i think it's cute."

jungwoo doesn't miss a beat and that's what nearly knocks you backwards

"wanna go with me on our day off?"

jungwoo asks you on a date.

that you're sure off. but why - that's the part that does not click for you.

so is it a friend thing - are the 'we' on this 'date' just two friends running around the water park they work at with the freedom of having to not do their jobs? are the 'we' on this 'date' something completely different?

the nervousness makes you jump when jungwoo meets up with you at the bust stop and he doesn't look or feel any different than usual

you start to accept that your first thought is correct - this is a platonic date - nothing more

until you get to the waterpark and put your things away and jungwoo pulls a small container from his bag

"what's that?"

"you're always taking care of me, i want to take care of you for once too."

he opens it and inside are some lopsided looking cookies

"did you- jungwoo did you bake this?"

he poke his tongue out, but nods

"well, a friend who is a better cook than me helped."

they taste better than you could have imagined, you take a bite and understand that no something is definitely

different

friends don't hold their other friends hand the entire day

friends don't lean into their other friends shoulder while waiting in the line for one of the rides and then biting softly down on the skin, kissing it after like an apologetic kitten

and friends don't kiss their other friends in the dark, shady corner where a line of vending machines have been abandoned behind the pretzel stand

the infamous makeout spot that every water park employee buzzes about

when your date comes to an end and you and jungwoo are waiting for the bus back, you keep touching your lips.

jungwoo tastes like citrus when he kisses

there are some things i don't know about him

you smile to yourself when his pinkie brushes yours and hooks up with it as the bus approaches

i can't wait to learn all of them

it takes the manager exactly forty-eight hours to figure out you and jungwoo are dating.

everyone else in the park gets the memo the minute you two step into the staff room.

there's a little pushback against it, just because there is some stupid company policy, but the manager claps you both on your backs and whispers that whatever - it is summer - kids should have fun during the summer.

maybe the fun means sneaking kisses on lunch breaks, visiting each other on your off days, swapping shifts so you two can arrive and leave together

the fun of having jungwoo nuzzle his wet face into the back of your neck as he complains about work

the fun of having you trace patterns on his arm as you two wait for the bus home

the fun of seeing each other outside of work, sprawling across his bedroom floor and talking about nonsense

the fun of jungwoo's features shifting from languid and sleepy to acute as you shift your weight ontop of him and let your hands flirt with the hem of his shirt

"cover those up jungwoo, we are a family-friendly establishment"

the manager mumbles, motioning to jungwoo's neck with his pen

you thin your lips and jungwoo huffs, slapping a bandage or two on the slightly puffed skin

when the days get a little colder and the droves of families dwindle slowly, you know that your summer job is coming to an end

on your last days, you have back your uniforms and whistles and the manager makes a speech about how much good work has been done and how he's holding back his tears, but he's sure he'll see you next year

jungwoo mutters that you two can't come back here next year - you two should look into summer jobs at the mall or something

your last walk from the park gates to the bus stop home is calm, even a little chilly. jungwoo drapes a hand around your shoulder and pulls you into him for the warmth.

"we never got to go on the log flume together"

you suddenly muse and jungwoo coaxes his mouth into a frown

"you really want to go together on that contraption? it's not even fun."

"it's sentimental to us."

"that's a weird thing to say."

he looks at you and you poke his cheek

"it's an eccentric thing to say."

a number of summers pass until you and jungwoo ever follow up on the notion

actually, the one summer you two end up sitting together on the log flume, is not even at the water park from your memories

it's somewhere abroad

you're on vacation together and jungwoo claims you dragged him onto this thing

but you see the little smile he tries to hide when the bar comes down

the two teenagers working the ride brush their fingers as they do so, catching the look of shyness that passes from one to the other you giggle and take jungwoo's hand in your own

"what's funny?"

he asks and you tell him oh, nothing.

the ride starts and just as the log reaches the end of the dip - you let out a small shout of excitement

jungwoo joins you, but he doesn't just make a sound. he says something.

"i love you!"

oh, i think i like you too - the sweet taste comes back.

"i thin- i know i love you too!"

#shoutout to ONF - Sukhumvit Swimming #nct scenarios #jungwoo scenarios #nct au #jungwoo au #nct imagines #jungwoo imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 au #jungwoo #nct #nostalgia!au #sfw #water/

[softichill]

""God the WORST thing to be told as a kid with untreated adhd was "You're smart! I know you can do it. You just have to try."""

hey you dont have to reply, but genuine question, cos my neice has adhd and i read this and went. 0-0.

i did that just yesterday with her or i said something along those lines. cos she does show thats she knows. she just can't concentrate, which i guess thats adhd for ya.

anyways after reading about your experience, hearing that comment while growing up and it being a shit thing to hear ,, i feel bad having recognised that i said it.

and i was wondering if you could recommend anything that might help when it comes to teaching a little kid with adhd ,based on your own experience?

was there something that you wish the adults had done that would have helped you?

anyways, no pressure. its kinda a loaded question and i don't expect an answer/solution to be given.

thanks for reading and i hope im not being a bother. Hope your well and having an okay day!

You aren't being a bother, don't worry :) and I'm glad you recognized that it's not the best thing to say to a kid with adhd

The reason that it sucks to hear it is because, well, we ARE trying. We're trying insanely hard a lot of the time, but adhd has things like executive dysfunction getting in the way of performing even super basic tasks. So to hear someone say "you just have to try" is dismissing all our efforts and makes us feel like we were just being lazy, despite the fact that we aren't at all.

A better way to go about it instead would be "What can I do to help this be easier?" Or "How do I make this more interesting?" Or offer to break the task into smaller (and I mean SMALLER smaller) steps or be more specific so that it doesn't seem so daunting.

If an assignment is a lot at once, too vague, or extremely important, more often than not an adhd brain will automatically avoid it. This doesn't reflect how your daughter feels, I know from experience that sometimes your brain won't let you work no matter how much you want to. It's simply a matter of 'can I do it stress-free' and 'does this give dopamine'

Executive dysfunction may look on the outside like your kid is just being lazy, but internally she could be yelling at herself to Get Up and Do the Thing but can't make herself. Starting tasks and assignments, especially if they're big and important, is often the biggest obstacle rather than the work itself. The task could also be something that doesn't give much of a reward in the end, or one that doesn't give much Happy Chemical by the end, and an adhd brain will most likely file it away as 'unimportant' despite how much the person will want to do the task.

Another thing you could do is offer other ways to get it done. Sometimes the method your kid is supposed to use just doesn't work for them, so finding a less complex way to get the same answer can help (I.e. the method in math that they're supposed to use is one your daughter doesn't understand, so to make it easier y'all can break it into just a series of multiplication, division, etc)

Basically, instead of telling her to "just try", ask her how she's struggling and find a way to deal with that. And be patient, because sometimes the answer will be "I just can't do it" and that's something that can't just be willpowered through.

#Ask #long post #adhd #Cricket chirping #actually adhd