#my pain levels are so high right now lol i am v baked to try and alleviate the worst of the pain because i am one giant bruise rn

[lupismaris]

See what i mean is the bad days are bad right and the good days are walking ten miles and eating three full meals and using new sensory aids readily without shame and acknowledging my pain levels while safely pushing myself and taking ownership of my words and taking all my medication twice like I'm supposed to and not drinking because i know it won't add anything to the evening

See what i mean is for me the good days feel miraculous

#im writing this down because i did all of this today and it was a good day a symptom free/minimal day and i should be proud #but at the moment im trying to ignore the old internalized ableism that says everything i did today should have been a breeze #which is ridiculous because its not we had a full day and i pushed myself to my limits and just past them and didn't melt down I'm proud #the new sensory aid is a pair of high fidelity ear plugs i can wear all day that match my gold jewelry. they only block 18d so its mild #but they help with crowds and city noise when it fets overwhelming and you can still hear everything around you #my pain levels are so high right now lol i am v baked to try and alleviate the worst of the pain because i am one giant bruise rn #ten miles and almost 30k steps today