#my past | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunarycatto · 1 month

Text

me pressure washing my followed tags so on the rare chance i return to this shitsite i dont have to remind myself of my younger, more foolish, pathetic days

#I refuse to speak of it #my past #filled with regrets #but hey at least im not dead

10 notes · View notes

addicted2coke-theothercoke · 2 months

Text

Remembering the Jekyll and Hyde fan cast in ninth grade

Had Harrison Ford as Jekyll

Can't remember who for Hyde

Hugh Bonneville as Utterson

Bill Murray as Lanyon

And Will Arnett as Poole

Probably one of the better fan casts I've ever done

#fan cast #jekyll and hyde #strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #book adaptation #my past

11 notes · View notes

gramarobin · 25 days

Text

eew, I did too 😒

#brainwashing #religion #my past #christian testimony #ex christian

7 notes · View notes

the-monologues · 8 months

Text

I want to run into your arms, but they are no longer open for me...

21 notes · View notes

northwoodsfan · 4 months

Text

The Way We Were

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18 For many of us, the gifts under the tree are opened, the celebrations are over (although some may still happen this week) and we are left with left-overs in the fridge, some after party cleaning and one more thing that can’t be taken away, the memories of time spend together. Those who know me well know that I’m a bit of a…

View On WordPress

11 notes · View notes

twilightripoff · 9 days

Text

Wrote this in sociology class after reading old discord chats 😭 I love poetry so much

#poetry #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #my past #lgbtq #paganism #scarred knees #knees #prayer #is this too niche

5 notes · View notes

timetravelsong · 10 months

Text

𝑴𝒚 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒊𝒕`𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕. 𝑨 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆. 𝑨𝒎 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒊𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝑰 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐?

excerpts from a book I'll never write

#aesthetic #poetry #poets corner #poets on tumblr #quotes #writing #art #past life #haunted #mistakes #life #regret #letting go #my past #passion #heart been broke so many times #story of my life #silence #the silence is deafening

15 notes · View notes

whatlightdoes · 4 months

Text

Stumbled onto this photo of me and my boss when I worked and taught in neuroscience. I miss that tie.

#me #mine #whatlightdoes #in a previous life #my past #neuroscience #lab

4 notes · View notes

skittles-the-whumpee · 10 months

Text

MY CAUTIONARY TALE

I think it's about time I tell you all my story. These are real life events that happened to me years ago. I am not looking for sympathy nor do I want any. Most will see this as a black spot in my past but that's not how I see it...it's what shaped me to be what I am now. I was underage for the first portion, so I will gloss over the details and omit others. Please keep in mind that this was all pretransition and before I even knew that I was trans. I know some of the details are jumbled around from what I have told some folks, that's because I had to focus to get them all in the correct order, my memory isn't the greatest.

This is NOT a whump story or any kind of entertainment. It is a cautionary tale that needs to be heard.

TW: sexual themes (some forced), grooming, enforced captivity, beating, contractual service, willing minor (myself when I was young), severe Stockholm Syndrome, human trafficking.

When I had turned 17, I was...well...promiscuous. I know what you're all thinking and I don't frankly care, I don't need your approval nor your disgust, it's what made me happy and I enjoyed being a slut. Do I approve of sex with minors? Of fucking course not! Is that maybe a double standard since I was the minor in that situation? Probably, but it's what I did and I'm not ashamed of what I did in my youth.

Anyway, when I turned 17 in 2007, I started looking on kink sites for older guys who wanted to have some fun. Besides the usual time-wasters that still exist today, one man stood out. He was polite and understood that I wanted to explore the kinky side of sex, telling me that he was looking for a pet to serve him long-term. I agreed to meet up with him for a casual date to discuss everything, which went very well. We talked about my limits, how he would treat me, safewords, the works. I was so excited to begin, that I became blind to things that, in hindsight, were obvious red flags.

The first time I went to his house, he didn't pick me up in front of my sister's house (where I was living at the time), he told me to meet him three blocks away. I didn't think anything thing of it and since he was now my "sir", I blindly obeyed. Once in his car, he had me use both hands to hold onto his hand that he had in my lap as he drove also having me stare down at it for the entire hour drive. In case that's not obvious: my hands couldn't reach for the door without him knowing and I couldn't see where we were going. We got to his house and I began my training to be his fuckpet. It honestly wasn't bad, even in the moment, I actually enjoyed it. He was my Master and I was his boy.

This went on for months, I'd visit on weekends whenever I didn't want to go home (I attended a military boarding school that was just a couple-hour train ride from his home. I knew which station to get off at, but he had me follow the same protocol as before: eyes down, hands on his. I never thought about it being a red flag, it was what I was supposed to do and so I obeyed. My sister never thought to ask me where I was going on the weekends I didn't come home. Part of me thinks she didn't care, I was out of her and her husband's hair. Her husband didn't seem to care either, for that matter.

After about six months of being his loyal pet, I had to stop going as the school had somehow found out where I had been going and obviously didn't approve. I called Master and told him the terrible news and that I was devastated, he was not thrilled either but he calmed me down and got me to stop crying. I would not see my Master again for two years.

When I turned 18 the next year, I got expelled from the boarding school and with no job, my only choice was to enlist in the Army. I had been going to a JROTC-based school for three and a half years, that got me brownie points with my recruiter as I was a shoo-in. I did one year out of the three in my contract and got out with an Honorable Discharge. The details of my military service will not be discussed, do not ask.

When I got out, it was December of 2009. I had nowhere to go as I couldn't show my face around my brother-in-law, a die-hard former Marine, after not even completing my military contract, I'd never hear the end of it. So I went to a cafe with my laptop and did the same thing I did before, I went online to post on the kink sites, offering myself in exchange for a place to stay. I would have contacted Master...but I couldn't get a hold of him.

Enter, Master Travis, a lawyer in LA who was searching for a houseboy to serve him and his wife. I was to sign a contract that stated that, in exchange for a room, new clothes, and food I was to do all chores (including cooking) and let him and his spouse do anything they wish with me. Anything. I didn't want to be on the streets so I signed. I was then given three identical uniforms consisting of a black leather collar, a white long-sleeve button-down shirt with a rouched front and black buttons, black slacks with sizing straps as I was not allowed a belt, a black clip-on bow tie, black dress socks, and black dress shoes. When Master Travis didn't have any guests, I was to go barefoot.

At this point, I was 19 and fully legal for sexual use, which Master Travis and his wife took full advantage of quite regularly. My morning routine started with a caning, then a shower where he would fuck me, then I was to finish my shower and get ready for the day. Throughout the day, I would be summoned to please either one between chores. I didn't mind any of this. Even the caning was necessary as it was a form of maintenance discipline.

What I did mind, however, were the beatings Master Travis would give me whenever he was angry or had a bad day at the office. He would restrain my hands above my head and punch my torso until his stress or anger was relieved. It usually didn't take long and he always made sure that he only hit below my collar and never bruised my hands, hiding the damage beneath my uniform shirt from any guests that he may have over. He also made sure that he never broke anything besides minor fractures that healed with time.

I served Master Travis for two months before he and his wife decided to move out of state, unable to take me with them. He didn't want to fully release me so he asked me if I knew anyone that would enjoy having me like he did. I told him about my first Master and he told me to get a hold of him, no matter what it took. After two days of trying, I finally managed to contact Master. He was elated to hear from me but he wanted to talk to Master Travis. They discussed when and where to hand me over and I got my old clothes back.

Later that day, Master Travis brought me to the meeting point; a neighborhood I had never seen before. Upon arrival, Master Travis instructed me to take my things from his car and put them in Master's car, which I began doing. As I passed by them, I heard Master Travis telling Master about the training and skills he has given me, to which, Master responded by offering monetary compensation for me...he was offering to literally buy me. Master Travis declined and said "consider him a gift for your troubles". They shook hands and Master told me to get in his car, I obeyed. I was his boy again.

When we got to his home, he told me to leave my things in the garage and so I did. He then took me inside to give me a proper inspection. When he saw the bruises and my post-military physique, he wasn't happy. He said that I didn't have the young body that I used to have but he would make do. That didn't feel right...I thought he was happy to own me again, full-time this time, and he was...he was just disappointed that I didn't look like a minor anymore. He also treated me differently from before, he seemed like he didn't care about me like he used to, not caring if he hurt me during usual activities, often giving me a cold shoulder and disregarding my pained cries.

One day, he had been particularly cold towards me while he had me in his home office as a stress pet, and with being young and stupid, I tried doing something I had never done before: be defiant. He wanted me to pleasure him and I refused. This angered him to the point of throwing me to the floor and pinning me beneath him to have his way with me. I had hit my limit. I started screaming for help, for someone to call the police. Houses in Southern California are really close to each other, someone would hear me. He froze and went pale before getting off of me and giving me back my clothes. Then he had me tell him where he can drop me and my stuff off. I didn't have anywhere else to go.

I figured I had been through enough, I just wanted to go home so I told him to take me back to my sister's place. He did and I never heard from him or Master Travis ever again.

This all may seem unbelievable but I assure you it is all true. This is what happens when you're not careful and rush into things before you know a person. Don't let desperation and horniness get the better of you and you end up being abused and trafficked. I talk about wanting to go back to Master Travis but I need to make it clear to everyone who reads this that just because I want it for myself, it does not mean that I wish it on anyone else.

#human trafficking #my past #stockholm syndrome #true story #cautionary tale

15 notes · View notes

third-eye-openedd · 2 years

Text

Who was I?

Sometimes I still get angry at myself, my past self. I get angry at her for not knowing things sooner. I get angry at her for putting every troubled soul around her before hers. I get angry at her for letting me suffer for so long. I get angry at her for the energy and time she wasted, energy and time I’ll never get back. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling, and I just wish she had known the difference.

Sometimes I feel a bit bad for myself, my past self. I get sad knowing how many nights she cried herself to sleep. I get sad remembering panicking if she didn’t have something to distract herself with. I get sad when I remember every time she said the words, “I’m not suicidal, but if something were to happen, I think I’d be okay with that.” If you feel bad for yourself, it’s time to help yourself, and I just wish she had shown up for herself sooner.

Sometimes I wonder who she was, because I don’t exactly remember. I remember her life, but not the thoughts behind her actions. I get confused knowing there was apart of her that felt comfortable in chaos. I get confused when I think about what made her go back after packing up all her things and having everything ready to go in the car. Crazy how many wrong approaches there are to getting what you want in life.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again…differently. Because that would yield a different outcome. But come to think of it, the person I am right now in this very moment is the outcome. I don’t have to wish she had realized sooner, because I realize now. -t

70 notes · View notes

3amdrowning · 1 month

Text

Shattered Trust

Young wasn't enough; you chose to shatter me,

Lies upon lies, my trust you failed to see.

There for you, yet you only brought pain,

I waited blindly, unaware of your aim to hurt me.

Under your grip, I felt utterly bound,

For your pleasure, my innocent heart was found.

Used relentlessly until I felt hollow,

You haunted my nights; in shadows, I'd wallow.

Shivers and quivers, your touch left me scarred,

No sympathy from you when I cried out, wounded.

You decided to bring another one,

Hope you both got what you wanted,

But torturing young me was never my desire.

With shattered lungs, breathing felt strained,

As both of you dwelled inside of me.

Used and used until I felt dead,

Choked while my prayers were said,

No prayers heard, no mercy to show,

Aren't I your child, father? Why no aid to bestow?

If this was your aim, why let me survive, though?

Yet I yearn for the end, to prove my strength,

I've endured to witness your fall, to any length.

I'll await the day when you face my pain,

On your knees, pleading, with nothing to gain,

That day, consumed by regret, you'll remain.

I'll dwell in those pains and dark dreams,

Never fading, haunting even the extremes.

For myself alone, I'll persist, let wickedness sear,

Echoing screams below, I wish to hear,

May you find peace in hell.

By- Y.C

#original poem #my poem #memory #depressing shit #poetry #life #trauma #past trauma #my past #real life

2 notes · View notes

2-lines-and-a-circle · 1 year

Text

My otome game journey

Note: So, I’ve been thinking lately about my journey from playing otome games and I just wanted to put it out there. Mainly because I was so curious if anyone has done the same thing as me.

Let’s see, I started with Midnight Cinderella, and I remember the first route I ever did was Alyn’s, which was pretty chill. The ending in a way traumatized me because if I remember correctly, he actually went off to war instead of being with you. For Alyn it made sense because he’s a knight and all that but, I didn’t know at that time that sometimes it’s not always a happy ending.

After that I ventured into the world of wizardess hearts, I actually played several routes. Yet, I don’t remember much other than really liking the MC because I thought she looked cute. Yeah, I can't exactly say much about that one…

It was then that I found my forged wedding and started playing a bunch of voltage inc games. I absolutely love my forged wedding, it’s one of the few otome games where I recommended playing everyone’s route. Seeing as I loved my forged wedding, I continued playing a bunch of other games from them all the way to Irristable mistakes.

During that time, I heavily invested several hours into several different game titles and fell in love with many of the suitors. Some shoutouts would be Star crossed myths, My last first kiss, seduced in the sleepless city and many more. Of course, I came to find another game which was not mystic messenger. I actually was not involved in that because I had a sister who was too invested in that. Let’s just say, I didn’t want to wake up late at night because of their game events.

Anyway, I came to invest my time in Mr Love: Queen's Choice, but it was very short lived. Why, because during that time I was too far down the kpop rabbit hole. Even though I was a big kpop fan since 2011, I reached an all-time peak. I still do enjoy kpop now, just not to that level of extreme. When I say extreme, I mean following several groups and watching everything that they had. Anything they appeared in I felt like I needed to watch that, but more on my kpop journey later.

By now it was late 2018 and I rekindled the flame for Mr Love: Queen's Choice but it wasn’t just that. I fell down the rabbit hole of the Chinese media! I grew to love c-dramas and their music. I kid you not I was in a whole different league of my own. So next thing I knew I repeated my kpop trash days but with everything c-pop instead.

Then, for a very brief time period in 2019 I grew to love Thai series because my mother had a liking for Thai BL. Then I went back to watching C-dramas and watched the series called the Untamed with my mother since she really liked the actors.

Finally, we arrive at the year 2020, the pandemic and such made life crazy. I also started to hear about this game called Ikemen sengoku and I was like hey how interesting. However, I was busy and never got back to the game after finishing a couple chapters. Yet, I heard about twisted wonderland, and I became more consistent with that instead. I love twisted wonderland and thought that I should find another game to give my life to.

This is when I finally decided to try ikemen vampire, I thought it was a pretty crazy idea. I was like, did someone drunk come up with this idea because I want what they were drinking. Now, we are in our present timeline.

I have finished over half of the suitors, routes and I’m very happy I did. This game made me fall in love with otome games all over again. However, every now and then I get a craving for something crazy. That’s when I play games from voltage inc. I highly recommend Ikemen vampire for those that like angst.

Aside from ikemen vampire, I tried out ikemen prince and romance MD as well as Her love in the force. Out of those three I just named, I recommend the latter two rather than the first, especially for those who want a breath of fresh air. Well, that’s all for my progress so far, but it’s not the last!

#otome game #my past #personal post #otome #ikemen vampire #shall we date wizardess #ikemen series #ikemen prince #ikemen sengoku #ikemen villains #twisted wonderland #kpop #I was crazy back then #voltage inc #voltage games #my forged wedding

15 notes · View notes

aeion1412 · 2 months

Text

You don't get to tell yourself to stop, when you're standing stagnant where you are.

Only people who continue walking and never stop are the ones who deserve it.

So be one.

- aeion1412

#life #lifelessons #thoughts #inner self #epiphany #realization #reality #inner strength #meaning of life #my past #mine #my quotes #quotes #life quotes #late night thoughts #beauty of life

5 notes · View notes

luzidreamz1111 · 4 months

Text

I never stopped loving you, it has only made everything that much harder.

How do you look at someone you know has caused pain in so many lives the same?

Your actions created ripples in the lives you touched and affected. Not only did your touch change these people forever, but you also took something from them they could never get back. If my silence comes across as lack of love; just know that in this case my silence speaks volumes. You altered the lives of so many including mine, & me standing in silence speaks for those you’ve hurt along the way.

For all that you took my absence has been your greatest karma.

2 notes · View notes

the-monologues · 8 months

Text

I still feel the lump in my throat like an iron fist,

choking my words as I try to voice the pain of my past...

12 notes · View notes

seriouslypoisonedapple · 1 year

Text

A Letter To The

People of My Past

I have felt more of my authentic self and more opportunities have come my way since certain people have left my life and that feels so fucking good. Thank you for removing yourself from my path. You were blocking me from my fortunes. 🔮

-D.J. @seriouslypoisonedapple

9 notes · View notes