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#my poem

Love yourself profoundly. Love yourself to your undiscovered core. You do not need to be showered with love from another. You are permanent. You are absolute. You will never let your own self down. You, and the moon. Be mystical with the moon. Flirt and dance with her. Hold yourself like nobody has ever held you before. Radiate from yourself. Radiate until those around you are blinded from luminosity.  



Say this like a prayer:

Self love, is the best love. 
Self love, is the best love. 
Self love, is the best love.

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Forget-me-not

another night in this utopia,

fueling my false hopes

of us meeting once more,

telling me you loved me, too,

each syllable a promise,

a glint of what could’ve been

in those angelic eyes i miss—

so now i’m thinking of you,

and i’ll keep thinking of you

until the memories fade

into the distant stars

of my ungranted wishes.

- blue

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I knew the ship was sinking

Yet I stayed on board anyway,

Frantically trying to plug all the holes allowing on water.

A scene of utter chaos

Yet amongst it you were frozen still,

eyes submerged in defeat looking back at me.

You had stopped fighting

And in turn I reluctantly followed

The inevitable came and we sank gracefully beneath the waves.

Succumbed to the ocean to become another glorious shipwreck,

When all I ever wanted was for us to sail endlessly into the sunset.

-JF-

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Recovery is Like the Sun’s Rays

I once lived below the surface of the water;

Trapped, alone, unable to breathe.

I would look above me + see golden rays of

Sunlight breaking ever-so-slightly

Through the surface

And longed to feel the warmth of the rays

Upon my frozen skin.

I thought I’d tread under these waves -

In this watery grave -

Until the contents of my lungs were replaced

With water + I’d sink to the bottom,

But no…

Buoyancy saved me…

I saved me.

I kicked my tired feet toward the surface again;

Closer, closer, I got to the surface

Until at last!…

I broke free.

Fresh, rewarding air filled my bruised lungs -

Stinging at first, but the precious air

(sweet, precious air) saved me.

And oh, that sunlight warmed me to 

The very core of my being; the very

Thing I had longed for was finally

Mine.

I was finally.

                           Free…

under-recovery
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We over sleep, purposely. 

That way we can remind ourselves in quiet.

Of the holiday, celebrating.

Partaking of to much pie and confessions.

All ending in the same sentence.

Don’t tell your sister.

Don’t let her know how untrusting you are.

To her , she confesses doubts about me.

I’m spreading tales of her , etc.

To me, it is they are taking advantage of her.

To bring back the mother I once knew.

The laughing one, who takes no offense.

That is my holiday wish.

Who do I approach with it?

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So vain is the noble humanity
That they know nothing of the firmament
Holding all its mighty and bright beauty
And not moving to any compliment.
All short lives are only full of carnage
That is crimson blood of glory and fame,
Making every impossible coinage
To be put into the history’s frame.
Yet, everything here will be forgotten,
While the heaven stays and not be broken.

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Erase®

Some nights

Are just tougher than others. More restless

I try to keep it in prison, my heart

Yet I don’t want to have only visited this world either.

It isn’t really fair. Making myself this way.

Always thinking about my mistakes

Or something is about to go wrong.

I am my own death by water. Drowning in empty

I can’t feel much, not anymore. Not really.

But when I do, oh god. It hurts like hell.

All my love

I have imagined.

image
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Since birth,

You though you have seen it all,

You though life is easy as you though,

But when you went to the places,

you have never been before,

You were wrong.


As you continue your journey,

What you though of your small world,

Has grown with you,

You started seeing people getting hurt,

You wanted to help,

But it seem there is a wall,


The wall was strong,

It hold you back,

As you try to break the wall,

you notice everyone was standing

letting the people get hurt


“Why” echo your mind,

the unknown confused you,

You asked the people who raised you,

they have different answers,

One said to help it,

Another said to ignore it,


Confused and guilt,

Which is the right or wrong?

For you are too young to know,

But will your mind wise enough

to know?

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Mother

“ Sometimes I wonder: how am I supposed to always stay bright, when you constantly keep me in the dark?

I wonder: how am I supposed to stay strong, when all you do is knocking me down?

How can you tell me you love me, when all that you show me is hate?

Why do you blame me, when I’m only a reflection of yourself?

How shall I call you ‘mother’, when you never act like it?”

-R. M. L

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 saw my dad today

but did he see his son

i feel crazy that i have to spell it out

was it a picture

or am i not getting the picture

we don’t communicate as often as we should

but i cry

thinking about what i would do

if i could be accepted

and maybe that’s just my fear

but i don’t know how to see you dad

when you won’t let me be here

you were married once

to my mom

and once to someone new

but either way

i’m still your mini you

i want to be the front and center

but how can you love

six feet apart

i’m not even six feet tall

but dad you can call

you can call me

and ask how’s it going on my day

but i don’t really like talking about jobs

and work and drugs

i just want to be asked

how is it love

how is it that you’re alive and well

i call you

i ask how you are

and how your stuff goes

but my phone remains vacant

my phone doesn’t beep and blow up

except

when i first reached out

and you helped me

and i appreciated it

and we followed up

today i am thankful

that we had a little back and forth

but why is it so hard

to be able to see you

without having to be you

i don’t have an easy time

not with women not with jobs not with life

no one said it’s easy son

but i can’t really explain to you

how it is that i do me

i felt so much pressure

to be an architect or an engineer

and i didn’t do that

you never wanted me to be a poet or philosopher

but i guess you were never against it

well i commend it

i see it as a great justice

to succeed and be great

and heralded throughout the land

but i don’t mind

being in the shallow end

i can be just tip toeing into your life

but when you get sick

it’s like a dagger

it’s like i’m drowning

and i don’t even like to swim

when you hurt i hurt

but when you hurt me with stupid ass sayings

and ignoring me for weeks without calling

i hurt too

how the time goes by

and i don’t even reach out to you

because you’re still angry

and i’m angry

and we’re both angry in silence

about how we don’t get along

but yet every time without fail

when i see you

i see a part of me

and i don’t like that

because i don’t want to be you

i don’t want to be me

i just want to see

i just want to see

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