(The loosest shape of a love letter)
I am so hesitant, I am so unsure. (I am a creature of fear- this is the one thing that seems to linger and linger and linger and-). I have so little to give; I have so much to say. (It’s been circular, time and time again) which brings us back to this:
You are the center of my chest, you are the middle of my brain, you are the strength in my bones, and you are the thing that makes me brave. I’ve said it so many times: unravel me, to the very core of my being, to the atoms that make me up, and you will find yourself there. (It sometimes feels that you are more a part of me than I am myself- there isn’t a move that I can make that you wouldn’t see coming.)
Every face of mine has loved yours. All of my colors and shapes and words have revolved around you. You are wonderful, and you are kind, and you are so beautifully whole. If I am the brightest part of the day (I still doubt you), then you are the sunset, the twilight, the dusk- you are the moment that the clouds disperse and the sleepy sun sets and our eyes finally rest. The quiet follows you, and serenetiy trails in your footsteps. (Through solar flares and sunset dazes, there is nothing but relief found in the night.) When the world is silent and still and dreams tangle in the air? This, too, is you.
The sun will still, the sun will freeze, the sun will fall, and it will still be you. The moon will drown into the ocean, the tide will permanently recede, and it will still be you. You are the wonder in the world and between the stars and I will mold the cosmos with my bare hands just to see you smile. You are golden, and you are blue, and you will have every single one of my midnights.
I have so many walls up, and I’m so terrified of you (you scare me like no other), but you are a part of me that I can never lose. I will find you in sand, I will find you in fire. I will find you in ocean tides and in fields of wildflowers. You paint me yellow and find me in meadows, and there will never be anything other than this.
You have made a fragile person malleable, you have made a frightened creature brave; you have brought me the forgiveness of a god, you have brought me the forgiveness of myself. (My fists unclench, my muscles unknot, and my teeth aren’t quite as sharp as they used to be.)
This is circular- this has always and will always be circular. We will orbit and cycle long after this world ceases to exist. (I love you in colors you can’t begin to fathom.) I could go on forever- this is the one thing that hasn’t changed. You have always had, and will always have, the very softest, the very brightest, the very best parts of me.