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#my poem

It fluctuates, 

there are days that I am at a good number 

but then there are days that i just know I lost.

I feel my stomach rumble with hunger but I ignore it because I don’t deserve to eat till I do my chores. 

That’s my excuse, i don’t deserve the very thing that my stomach wants.

cereal has become my go to food, 

at every doctor visit it’s always cereal that I eat. 

They say I am just fine and I believe that.

But I feel how weak I am. 

I see how small my body is,

I feel the bones that poke out 

and yet I believe them.

I could’ve sworn that this headband only went around my wrist two times… not three.

Every comment hurts me but I don’t acknowledge it, well not till i can’t hold it in anymore. 

When the bottle over flows the comments come raining down,

“You are so skinny”

“Oh hold on to me so that you won’t fly away”

“Are you sure that you can finish all of that”

“Do you even eat”

“Get more food”

How I hate how I am.

How I hate that I can’t be better. 

How I hate my weight..

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The buzz of Spring eases,

Summer comes to do as she pleases.

The days are long and hot,

And the sun stands alone in the sky,

The shade is faint and tepid,

As the river runs dry.

Summer refuses to be shrouded,

But the heat is slowly clouded.

Animals start to burrow,

As the leaves turn brown,

The undergrowth grows thicker,

And the colours start to breakdown.

The warm haze of Autumn makes her leave,

And Winter stands her ground with frozen winds and bare trees.

The sky darkens and starts to cry,

The trees go bare and shiver,

As animals start to sleep,

The ice sets in the river.

But as harsh as Winter is,

Spring starts to fizz.

The lush green comes in a wave,

As colours burst from the grey,

Animals frolic in the new growth,

And the sun shines through the day.

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(The loosest shape of a love letter)

I am so hesitant, I am so unsure. (I am a creature of fear- this is the one thing that seems to linger and linger and linger and-). I have so little to give; I have so much to say. (It’s been circular, time and time again) which brings us back to this:

You are the center of my chest, you are the middle of my brain, you are the strength in my bones, and you are the thing that makes me brave. I’ve said it so many times: unravel me, to the very core of my being, to the atoms that make me up, and you will find yourself there. (It sometimes feels that you are more a part of me than I am myself- there isn’t a move that I can make that you wouldn’t see coming.)

Every face of mine has loved yours. All of my colors and shapes and words have revolved around you. You are wonderful, and you are kind, and you are so beautifully whole. If I am the brightest part of the day (I still doubt you), then you are the sunset, the twilight, the dusk- you are the moment that the clouds disperse and the sleepy sun sets and our eyes finally rest. The quiet follows you, and serenetiy trails in your footsteps. (Through solar flares and sunset dazes, there is nothing but relief found in the night.) When the world is silent and still and dreams tangle in the air? This, too, is you.

The sun will still, the sun will freeze, the sun will fall, and it will still be you. The moon will drown into the ocean, the tide will permanently recede, and it will still be you. You are the wonder in the world and between the stars and I will mold the cosmos with my bare hands just to see you smile. You are golden, and you are blue, and you will have every single one of my midnights.

I have so many walls up, and I’m so terrified of you (you scare me like no other), but you are a part of me that I can never lose. I will find you in sand, I will find you in fire. I will find you in ocean tides and in fields of wildflowers. You paint me yellow and find me in meadows, and there will never be anything other than this.

You have made a fragile person malleable, you have made a frightened creature brave; you have brought me the forgiveness of a god, you have brought me the forgiveness of myself. (My fists unclench, my muscles unknot, and my teeth aren’t quite as sharp as they used to be.)

This is circular- this has always and will always be circular. We will orbit and cycle long after this world ceases to exist. (I love you in colors you can’t begin to fathom.) I could go on forever- this is the one thing that hasn’t changed. You have always had, and will always have, the very softest, the very brightest, the very best parts of me.

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The Ring.

All this time I was just waiting for you to give me a reason again.

To love you, to trust, to not be afraid of you.

That’s my secret.

I’m not so callus because I hate you…

I’m callus, because loving you makes we want to be so soft.

Too soft.

And I’m not the type to allow myself to be vulnerable.

So tell me, show me…

That I can be again.

Before I walk into forever with another man.


This is what she said, he didn’t listen.

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I Notice//

I’ve noticed

While the world seems

To be falling apart

A lot of us

Are trying to

Sew it back together

Our thread is our hands

Holding each other

Even though we’re wearing


And different beliefs

We wear masks

But they don’t hold back

Our words

Whether quietly

Or loud

And Protesting

Both are educating old

And young

Teaching peace

And standing up

For ourselves

With signs or with


We stand up

To help make the world

A better, stronger


Where our words

Actually mean something

Then I will notice

And I will join in

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mirrors shatter swiftly
you don’t recognize your reflection
is this brokenness?
is this vulnerability?
your vision couldn’t fully focus
but this is close to truth

destroyed memories of a faded youth
fingertips reaching towards the sun
foreshadowing your burning
the beginning of the middle of the end
false flammable silence
gasoline and ink drip down
you’re entirely empty at this jagged point
cloying coziness
lovely loneliness
you set yourself on fire

just to spite them
and maybe to feel something
as tears would always drown out flame
numbness will always take the blame
footprints fail to forget
catastrophically collecting classic chaos
you’re warm at least
rid of the cruel chore at last
present reveals future unwinds past
it sounds like magic

you wish it was
smoke and mirrors could go away
with mirrors broken and smoke shadowed
you’re still searching for yourself
aren’t we all?

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My thoughts drip into my mind

Becoming louder each time

Rain drops spread across the face

Mascara ran,

As dark thoughts took place

Tangled deception in the form of knots

A creation made up by thoughts

With mass that of a night storm

Holy water couldn’t protect any more

My mind was a sea

Where I was left to be

With waves draped

I couldn’t escape

Drowning in my own sorrows

Forgetting about tomorrow’s

I melted in the rain

Leaving a stain

Of weather made insane

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