With illicit thoughts and sidereal looks I punish you for the undeserved love you offer me

cars

My true feelings have been unfolded, but still seem to be pushed aside, i guess that’s what i’m used to. Nothing i seem to say matters to anybody and it’s been that way for as long as i can possibly remember. I feel trapped in my mind, i’m not okay and i haven’t been for a long time and i don’t think anybody understands. Just when i thought i was digging myself out of this hole i was once in, i fell even deeper. When i drive through town i hope one day i get to see your car driving on the road at the same time as me, even if it is for a split second just so i can see your face and wave at you one more time so you know my feelings haven’t faded.

atm

eee

Eviction

I'm still hurt

by the way you silenced me

by the way you left me behind

the way you pretend like I died

I never forgot about you

I even tried so hard to

the pain of feeling so insignificant

and treated with maliciousness

summoned all my demons

the only beings left that know how

to comfort me

you felt like home

and now it's cold

won't you let me in

again

?

Έχω καιρό να σου στείλω.

Έχω καιρό να σε ρωτήσω πως είσαι, τι κάνεις, πως ήταν η μέρα σου.

Να σου πω τα νέα μου

και εσύ να μου πεις τι έφαγες.

Να σε ρωτήσω αν κοιμήθηκες καλά

και εσύ να με ρωτήσεις αν θέλω να κάνουμε τίποτα το βράδυ.

Να σου πω οτι έχω καιρό να σε δω

και εσύ να μου πεις οτι σου έλειψα.

Έχω καιρό να σου στείλω.

Πώς είσαι;

Τι κάνεις;

Πώς ήταν η μέρα σου;

emily prentiss // “how i became a lesbian,” becky birtha

-Seize the day-

Means nothing if you squander the night.

Yes, go feel gold sun rays and freckle up your skin.

But do not forget the moon glow that paints you blue and pallid.

Yes, go race beneath clear skies and suck in sweet spring air.

But also sit beneath the stars and feel the cosmos pressing-

Pressing against the whites of your eyes and making those pinpoint pupils much wider.

Cape Noctem.

transcript under cut

blackout 

One elephant, two elephant, three elephant—

Move.

Hold your breath and step silent, violent panting gives the game away,

you stay as small and shadowed as you can 

while hands turn your world around

with no sound whatsoever.

It’s clever how they work it,

but no time to lurk and watch;

your watch is set to fifteen seconds to transform

and it is normal, but you’re still half-dressed

in the wings and stressed because you sing 

in the next number.

The number of buttons on your blouse

is astounding, has there always been this many? 

Trapped under trembling fingers,

a display of nerves you can’t avoid—

The noise of clapping dulls to murmurs

and the song begins to play.

There’s a riot in your chest but you stay quiet,

and make a mad dash for your place

before lights up.

Pose and smile and all the while the audience will never know

how close you came to falling out of time.

- c. p. m. b.

The words in my head a jumbled mess. This quiet and desperate longing for you to be here, to be by my side, has grown by the day. Incessantly I think about you and I can only find relief when distracting myself. The nights are most cumbersome for my heart. The silence allows my thoughts to stray and, no matter how hard I try, they always turn to you. I miss your smile, our quiet conversations at 2 am, your lips upon my neck, and touch upon my brow. I want your laughter and random observations brightening my existence. My world is far too grey without you in it. ~ B.T.

and this dog howls again

life is so sweet that my teeth hurt

I do not complain about the lack of support.

I could write

a book about identity crisis

but I don't want an autobiography.

I could graze sheep

somewhere in the mountains

but I guess that's not what I was born for

I could even

weld ships in Norwegian shipyards

but was I born for it?

Ticks (passing by)

If only the clock would share

some ticks — I need to feel

a moment passing by, or else

—

they all are wasted — not unlike

hoarded fruits held in disregard

until fully rotted, and withering

—

while famine rubs at his palms

with such glee revealed solely

through most wicked patience

Dear Ansel,

Slip my kung-fu grip

On your pumpkin stick

I'm no one-trick trip

Gentle-witch with a wicked lick

Casting devious eyes

Down to your hip

When I slide on, his broomstick

Really does fly on

Our Love is more than any

potion could dictate

Our fate is what we create

No fickle b🌼tch could break

The bond between us

Is deeper than flesh

Nothing you could mesh

Together would ever waver

Our hearts from each other

Love, you better fetch this cat

Or catch her in your lap

Give her your best pat-pat

You got my sticky honey on tap

Missing you boy 💋

sometimes stars just look the same by park the ghost

Angsty Poem

I know who I am 

I am strong

I am independent

Until you give me a little bit of attention

Suddenly, you are the thing that I’ve been missing my whole life

Suddenly, I need you to breath

Because  I don’t know who I am

I become weak

I become dependent

Once you’re finished giving me your attention

You become all that I think about

You become the thing that I need to live

Once I am whole again

Another version of you breaks me

Another version of you takes a piece away from me

I am not at the beginning of this.

I have been fighting for years, and now I am tired, burned out, and numb.

Tips, tricks, and motivational quotes from posters lining office corridors fizzle before they reach me here.

I wish I was as hopeful as I once was.Confident in new solutions.

But now I just want to know the name of the room that keeps me here. And why nothing I ever do seems to work.

* encumbered *

I mourn your words ; your presence  

all which effortlessly entered

lowering walls 

touching all corners

my mind feels to be in the space between here and there 

thrashing in the air

you were the first drop of rain that seeped 

through my cracked landscape which was in a drought

you curled in, over and around

dripping, slipping, unwinding dried layers

gasoline, a match to my unknown worlds 

setting ablaze all hesitations and boundaries

breaking chains ; crushing masks

staining my insides, as you burned across my rib-cage

a silent masterpiece buried in my bones

tattooed into my skeleton

I continue to tongue the ache that'll obviously never heal

silently drowning weightless in the graves that was

stitching myself to phantoms 

humid whispers that never leave

forsaken hollowness ; the empty spell that holds shadows

clashing noises , a chemical burn to my skin

crying out memories, vomiting echos 

its teeth and screams and broken blood vessels

screaming out ache

aching between each of my ribs as they crack 

under the pressure of you as gravity

my days pass as storm clouds

a state of restlessness

desperation scraping

living in the pit of my stomach

pounding walls, disrupting sleep

gorging ,feasting upon drained veins

covered in silent prisons

encumbered

if ache is my constant fate

so be it

then let me break here

©ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

Pic credit - Fabio Selvatici

survivor

"I've realized in my pain that nobody will help me but myself.

No one can save me from drowning.

i gasp and i plead but the only one there to witness is me.

i scratch and scream my way out

throat raw, arms bloody

messy hair, eyes devoid of the liveliness it once used to store.

walls around a barren heart where it once stood in an empty courtyard.

nobody saved me,

so i saved myself."

-drg

This shit gets tiresome putting so much effort into what doesn’t last, sometimes I want to retire shave my head be a nun or a monk,

just so I can forget all the years time bludgeoned so I could look like somebody else swimming around in their own pallid wheel of tears.

— Nikki Wallschlaeger, from “This Body Keeps the Keys,” Waterbaby