#my sister sent this to our d&d party’s group text

[party-in-eldarya]

Where were we? Ah, in the middle of Tenjin's attack. Our team once again split and once again is in the hall. Nevra and Mathieu have just fought kitsunes. Mathieu was spotted by sentry, and the fight broke started, but boys didnt get hurt. Nevra is mad at Mathieu but generously for me he explained what happened next, so I don't have to:

Edgar, poor thing, is panicking, he wants to go back though portal.

no, but he is right. Why they waited till night? Why they leave per pedes, when they have dragon here? I do not believe that even Koori is able to lead them through snow, in darkness. She was a princess, not a scout! They should fly away on Lance's back from the roof of building, anything that would put some distance between them and Tenjin's forces and let them move fast.

And Mathieu- not that empath Erika- is calming Edgar down. He promised Edgar that everything will be fine. I wonder if it will be mentioned, because you know what happens to Edgar. I wonder if Mathieu will ever mention Edgar in ANE after that episode?

They continue. Remember when we were traveling with Chrome to Kappas' land? They reused same backgrounds, switching them every few lines of dialogue to make it seem like we progress with our journey. Wish Beemoov did same here, because reading whole pages of text with same building on a screen is... not exactly exciting. Erika finally thought about the possibility of Tenjin destroying their ship. I was first, O last of the aengels. I WAS FIRST.

too-fucking-bad that those spells are not used on people. or during various missions in TO. Wait, maybe they didn't exist before this ep? Come one, they make up rules on the go when writing the scenario.

So it makes two points for Erika. Still, I WAS FIRST. Erika thinks there is no plan B and they have to succed, and I just. Good people of tumblr. There should be plan C, D and even E. This is an important mission, it could end up catastrophic- breaking all bonds between guard and Genkaku, which, btw, is what happened. HH sent Lance, Nevra, Erika the Saint and Leiftan the Cripple (but it is hush hush), all her strongest men. She kept only Karenn (not strong/good enough to be a Shadow Leader), Jamon and Chrome to protect her people. I will just remind you that we have humans with machine guns walking around Eel. BTW, we are still using same background while game is talking to me about "walking through forests and plateau". Frugal.

The text is really chopped.

CLICK.

It's chopped like salad.

CLICK.

Which, btw, should be torn, not chopped...

CLICK.

...and def. not cut.

CLICK.

This makes me wanna throw myself from that 90 floor.

CLICK! Those were my teeth, when I facedesked one time too many while reading this chopped sentences they give us.

Anyway, change of background. Yay. Erika admits that it's 10-metres visibility. And they picked mountains route. Good luck.

Wow, a chance to change my LoM with Leiftan. I have already got 100% with Leiftan, but decided against asking him for help in case it will make him hate me forever. Beemoov taught me well in this case. Erika showed once again that she doesn't know her man: Leiftan would never "freak out" and started screaming at her, or- in this situation- at anybody. He was always portrayed in TO as professional, and he lost his nerve only when facing losing Erika or Erika's love. Erika decides to put on her shield (wasn't it glowing? in the darkness? when there is ambush awaiting for them? without asking her leader if he is ok with it? Go on girl, prove to me that you are indeed the Dumb Sister). Famous last words? here:

About that part of the road that was very hard for all of the party to pass:

And Lance transports them above the peak or whatever it was. In small groups, because. Beemoov, a piece of advice: next game let your artists discuss details with writers because IT MAKES NO SENSE. You draw Lance in his dragon form as huge, majestic creature that could take 6 people without a sweat, and yet it is impossible in your story.

Anyway.

The ambush. Shield worked, btw, but still, me thinks that Erika the Dumbass should have discussed things with Nevra. Oh? Nevra mentions that she should tell him. Point for Nevra.

They are jumping off the cliff. Allow me once again:

Is it because of Gardienne's shield (so everyone should be close to it) or did HH told Nevra she has some plans for her and needs her to be alive? (still hoping for villain HH).

Kitsunes await us near the boat. The backgrounds in night are marvelous in ANE:

... and he pulls out the sword. I guess they abandoned any thought on diplomatic mission on those grounds in next century? As @heyseihai mentioned, the Guard in TO wasn't allowed to intervene if not asked. Sure, it could have changed after Crystal BS, but it would be nice and necessary to mention it. Because it changes whole dynamic between Eldarya lands and Eel Guard.

goddamnit. you have word limits and you waste it on THIS and stappler?

I know, I know. She has done well with shield, it worked, and it is shame that neither Nevra, Lance nor Mathieu thought about asking her to do it. But still, it's Erika, the weakest link in any chain!

BTW suddenly Nevra asks everyone to protect Edgar. Nice, but I still remember him wanting to leave Edgar behind. Probably bad writing, but with smarter plot it would mean that Nevra realized Edgar was a source of informations about present time Earth. Or a snack to send home to mommy dearest.

Edgar is not buying this. Same Edgar, same.

Nevra reminds us why we are here (not to fight, but to get to safety of our ship), and I will stop for a moment: why exactly we are here? What was the point of this mission? To take samples of portal? Well, one Shadow stealthy spy could have done it. Why take Koori? Why they didn't fly on Lance to Orodruina Mountain?

And then Tenjin attacks. Honestly, I do not understand why now and here. Kitsunes should have attacked ouour group during mountains' crossing, grab Koori and run. So far Guardmen didn't break deal with Tenjin (that 24 hours deal), and well, Koori's case should be discussed with HH. If Guard was somewhat competent and strong what he has done should doomed his dynasty and kingdom. Unless the rule of "no intervention unless asked" from TO is still in the air. Then- WOops, HH.

Erika did quite well during fight, Edgar...

Mah baby!

BTW... To a person who wrote battle scene: stop. Do not drink and write. You try to make a dramatic build up for Edgar to die, to lull us into false belief that the worst is behind us. But for ffs don't do it like this! These are adult plp, how can I treat Erika seriously when she is bragging about defeating three opponents IN THE MIDDLE OF BATTLEFIELD!!? she got a task of protecting Edgar, and yet she wastes time on screaming to him "not bad huh?". Beemoov, she was suposed to be an adult, not a 14 years old teen.

You know what I like? I like that they made Lance being just very powerful. Able to fight many opponents and survive, but not making him superman. HOWEVER, it clashes with what they said so far in TO and ANE. They made dragons being a god-likes, so him almost losing to turkeys is laughable.

Erika tries to intimidate Tenjin, only to be totally ignored. She could have try to put that shield on Koori and Edgar and cry for help? Could work better? It was a bit sad that Tenjin didn't pay any attention to her trying to be girlboss and everything.

Koori uses her powers in the best way: she trapped Erika in an illusion, caused Mathieu to halucinate and wander aimlessly. It worked on some Tenjin's troupes too but at what cost? What a dumb bitch. They really should have left her in Eel or at least discuss what everyone CAN and SHOULD do during emergency.

^ that's Mathieu's state. He is surrounded by enemies, delirious. Well done, Koori. Anyway, woot woot ANOTHER CHOICE! I screamed for Leiftan's help, Nevra got hurt, Lance saved the Mathieu:

... and wtf. Koori didn't throw away stones. No one will mention it, right? And she will make huge party next episode, like her decision didn't make this fight more difficult, like Edgar didn't die? OH, but Pretty Princesses cannot do wrong in eldarya (unless they are Miiko, they couldn't be that obvious with Miko's self insert).

Anyway, Tenjin was behind u on a battlefield, but suddenly he is in front of us, standing on our the way to a boat. And then he screams to withdraw, no doubts- into the ocean. I cannot imagine topography of this battlefield. But the deed is done- Edgar is dead, killed by Tenhin who suddenly decided to notice our Erika. Could be nice to have a good healer, right? Or someone with shield (well, years of playing cleric in BG have changed me). BTW, Mathieu DID remember about his promise to Edgar:

Erika is shocked. She keep on repeating how she promised Edgar that everything will be fine. See, that could and should give us a moment of awareness that Eldarya is NOT a nice world, and that Erika is NOT an important person here, at least not really. That splendor, her own statue and status of semi-goddess means nothing next to corpse of someone whom she failed. Erika had lead a very save and sheltered life on Earth so this could be a moment when she starts missing her previous life, when no one near her died murdered by psychopath. And either she will mourn her "innocence" or try to get stronger for real. Alas, we wont' get this development. On a boat:

Spoilers: it won't, and what report? All you have are your guesses. You do not have any evidence but samples from one portal. You didn't even manage to bring a witness, who in theory, could have had some infos of what is happening on Earth. You broke and ties with Genkaku, got your leader hurt. You failed on all levels. This mission was a failure.

Also, Beemoov should have made Leiftan fight with weapon only. Nevra would still be mad about him not using powers, but at least that would make sense. FFS, Tenjin almost killed Erika! What was the point of Leiftan going for the mission? How he wanted to protect Erika? He is a warrior, he can fight without his powers! Now, back to horny Erika:

Wait, did I miss something? I always picked lines that were closest to "I want to be with you", why is Erika so surprised? Did they switched writers again in the middle of... first half of season? Did the writer lose their notes? Why is Erika so shocked that man she was in love with, is still dear to her? Theory that Erika got colonized by Crystal, is no longer a "living" creature and thus human emotions are now quite alien to her- intensifies.

The ending and Erika's thoughts about Leiftan are written by someone who knows TO just from summaries: how is Leiftan gentle? Why is MY Gardienne, who was in an intimate relationship with him for months admits to herself that he is, indeed, quite attractive? WHOLE ANE IS WRITTEN SOLELY FOR NEW PLAYERS. For them was an info about Nevra avoiding fighting, prioritizing stealth. For them Erika has now epiphany about her lover being hot, and forgetting that he was a bloody murderer, who semi-faked his friendly persona. (No wonder he is awkwardly looking into ocean, he hears her thoughts after all. )

Someone in Beemoov at the end of this episode:

quickly, we have to add some SEXXXXX to keep our games "mature", and what is better than making our MC do this

Yes, that's always the best course when a man dies next to you. I will keep it in mind when I will go back to work.

THE END THANKS THE FUCKS.

#playing ane what a joy #ANE SPOILERS #RANT

[enimagia]

MBTI as people I know

INFP: 

-) Always thinks he’s getting the “vibes” from random people

-) Has a vocabulary of like three words but when he reads poetry he totally understands every word of it

-) Impatient AF. If you don’t respond as a close friend you’ll have like 483940 unread messages

-) Overthinks everything. All the time.

-) Seems friendly and like a cinnamon roll but is sort of a bad bitch

-) Knowledge about reality doesn’t exist, but will emotionally understand you like nobody else

ENFP:

-) Will try to steal her INFJ friend’s spotlight but usually fails because she tries to hard

-) Says she’s a vegetarian but eats meat regularly

-) Says she’s mean and bad but she’s supportive of EVERYONE and will never judge you

ISFP:

-) Is the best in the class at English but doesn’t do anything so he always receives a C when he could have an A

-) Has this Detective-Like coat and his style in general is really dark but not boring

-) Has a twin sister I’m failing to type, she might be ISFP too

-) Smoked at 14 already and is kind of popular but will end up in the corner of the room alone

ESFP:

-) Doesn’t ever stop partying and idk how he earns enough money but yeah he’s out every day

-) Once talked to me about depression and we had like the deepest talk ever and that came really unexpected

-) Kind of sleeps with everyone but wouldn’t use somebody 

ENTP:

-) I, an INFJ have a really complicated relationship with him. He’s always trying to outplay everyone with logical arguments while I appell to emotions and it’s very interesting actually lol cuz nobody ever “wins”

-) All teachers hate him but I feel like some deeply adore him or find him funny at least

-) Has challenged himself last term, trying to receive as many “D”s (grades) as possible, even though he’s like super smart. He wanted to prove a point... to whoever...

INTP:

-) Will come off as ignorant because isn’t it LOGICAL

-) When you explain your emotional position to him slowly, he will understand and agree with you at some point. Or at least accept your point of view

-) So chaotic. Like REALLY chaotic. Teachers don’t even let him take his tests home because he always loses them before he can hand them back in

-) Usually knows more than our teachers

ISFJ: -) The teacher’s pet but like not in a way where you want to slap her in the face

-) Knows ALL the tea. Listens to you talking about how much somebody hurt you and will respond: “I understand you a lot, I just really don’t want to take sides.”

-) Everyone thinks she and ENTP are hooking up but they’re “JUST FRIENDS”

-) She actually feels they are just friends but ENTP doesn’t.

ESFJ:

-) He’s a weirdo. Many make fun of him

-) Will say he doesn’t want to tell you sth and hope that you start begging to hear it

-) if you don’t beg he’s going to tell you anyway.

-) has an attention complex. Also, doesn’t admit that he likes people, even though he clearly loves spending time with them and try to get their attention desperately.

INTJ:

-) She’s scared of using my toilet because she might meet one of my parents and that would be too much social interaction

-) On the other hand, will start debating with strangers because they breathed in a sexist way

-) Only wears black. She doesn’t even have white socks.

-) When I (INFJ) am alone with her it’s so awkward because we don’t talk, but when we’re in a group we’ll sit somewhere separately and have the deepest and smartest talk ever like ????

ISTJ:

-) Has a blog about furniture (yes, he’s 17)

-) His room is minimalist aesthetic, plants everywhere and white colours. Rearranges his room every few weeks

-) Was really judgemental when we were in like 5th grade and nobody liked him

-) Perfectionistic af. Always hangs out with girls

ESTJ:

-) Wants to become primary school teacher

-) Will judge you if you don’t follow the social rules, giving you this glare that she always uses. So you’ll see it on her face and wanna hide somewhere because NEGATIVE ENERGY

-) Tries to be an A-student and has like no private life apart from studying

ISTP:

-) Book addict

-) She’s like really messy but has made the decision to be good in school so she usually has EVERYTHING done and organized

-) Is like the quietest person I know, that’s why people assume she’s friendly, but when you talk to her (no matter if she knows you), chances are high she’s going to snap back

ESTP: -) He has a girlfriend and told everyone they had sex but she says it never happened and nobody knows the truth, apart from then

-) Kind of has two “best friends” but they don’t actually like  him

-) He dated my best friend and texted me an analysis of their relationship and her mind and that it might be better to break up with her. He sent me a list of situations of what he did wrong and said he felt so bad but actually he didn’t care

-) after the relationship ended he texted me that she looks so devastated in her recent instagram post, but actually she’d taken that picture before the relationship had ended and she was currently living her best life

INFJ:

-) Insecure about breathing

-) When one of us (both INFJ) is posting an Insta picture we always text first for about an hour, discussing the right angle, filter, and version of the pic

-) Always dating the biggest assholes and doesn’t realise it even though I’m trying to tell her. Every time. Dated the ENTP and the ESTP

-) You could beat her up and she’d look you in the eyes, crying, telling you it’s not really your fault. She wouldn’t complain to anyone about it.

-) Is like super introverted and hates people but then she attends like really many events because she’s involved in so many projects

ENFJ:

-) Is insecure about being straightforward or asking specific questions

-) Won’t leave my house until’s she’s found my parents and said goodbye to them

-) Has this chill vibe and doesn’t really talk a lot but everyone loves her

-) I’ll not see her for like a year and when we meet up we have the deepest talk and tell each other about literally EVERYthing

#infp #infj #isfp #istp #esfp #enfp #enfj #isfj #esfj #intp #entp #intj #estj #istj #estp #16personalities #the types as #mbti #enneagram #16personalitiesas

[thedappleddragon]

hooooo my fucking god I don't know why but recently my anxiety/sence of dread has SKYROCKETED in the last 3 days, I haven't been sleeping great and last night I had an anxiety dream about manning the register at work. idk I guess today was fine but im so fucking overstimulated I guess?? I seriously just dont fuking know. but anyway here’s a summary of some days that I may or may not remember. putting it under the cut

Wednesday I was exited to work, they didn’t need me, I hung out with my friends at their outdoor band concert and had boba and it got super cold out

Thursday I went with my dad to drop off a car, then we had breakfast together at a little restaurant I had never been to before. He told me about his childhood n stuff. Then I went to work and priced things outside and felt good about helping some people buy plants even tho I didn’t know exactly what I was doing and ended up handing them off to Becky anyway. Got off work, came home, hung out waiting to be able to go visit my friend but she took a while so dad and I made the snack he had a lot as a kid which was just handmade chocolate frosting on graham crackers. Eventually my friend got home so I grabbed one of those graham crackers in some Tupperware and some other stuff and headed out. It was a longer drive than I was expecting but eh whatever, I got there no problem with a bunch of dad’s shit in the back of the car. We had awkward hellos in her apartment and I pet her fat ass cat until she suggested we go thrifting and oh my god I had never wanted to go thrifting more in my life than right then. I had one of those moments where I realized oh I’m an adult who can go out and just DO things :D so we walked around and gossiped in goodwil and had a great time until they closed, whereupon steph frantically looked for anything that was open near us while I drove around. We settled on going to a little park nearby, where we climbed on the tube with holes on it and swung on the swings. Then we walked around a dense tree/brush like and into the middle of a field, having our main character moments as we walked to the top of a hill with a cross on it. I took a picture of the sunset and a selfie with both of us before we walked back through the field and drove back to her apartment. I gave her 2 tiny flower jars and she let me borrow her container of earring hardware and a bunch of different tiny things to make into earrings. I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again, maybe when everything isn’t closed lmao. We joked a lot about understanding why people do drugs lmao since there’s nothing else to do! everything’s closed!! Also some joke flirting mixed in for flavor. We have an excuse to hang out again so I can return her earring supplies and she can return my Tupperware lol. I thought my phone was going to die on the way home before I realized there was a charging cord in the car! Nice. Got home, watched my friend stream plasmaphobia for a bit while I finished a birthday gift, and hung out and slept when she quit streaming. 

Friend’s birthday party day!! Also dad moving day!! The first task of the day was to drive with my dad down to the nearest uhaul to pick up a big ol’ truck, and follow him home in the car while he lead the way in the truck. Then we brought his car full of shit to the apartment, got his key and paid his first month, and looked through everything to do inspection. Tbh it’s a pretty nice apartment, I’d love to spend some time there once it’s a bit more furnished. My favorite part is a Harry Potter style hidey hole closet that’s meant for storage, but it’s the perfect size for a secluded hangout spot for me. I’ll totally let him use it for storage if he wants, I just like sitting in there. I joked that I would let Emily hang out in the spare bedroom and I could get the tiny room. But we spent time cleaning and looking around and bringing in boxes before dad sent me to pick up lunch, my sister, and another car load of boxes. I left to do all 3 and came back with Mcallisters, and we all sat on the floor and ate together. A very nice way to break in a new apartment. We brought in boxes and dad sent us on a quest to pick up a car part and drop it off where the car we dropped off the day before. We got there just fine, but getting to the second location was a nightmare because of all my wrong turns and u turns and no left turns, it was awful. I mean we got there eventually but still. By then it was time for me to get home so I could wash my hair and get ready for the party!! I got everything ready, but my sister wouldn’t be home with the car on time, so I just took my mom’s van. I was on time for once!! But in exchange I didn’t realize I had forgotten Cassidy’s gift until I was like 3 minutes away. But also I found driving my moms van very easy compared to last time I tried to drive it, and I think I’m a much more confident driver now :) but I was one of the first to arrive, accidentally twinned with cass, waited for everyone to show up, met her new dog, and then we all packed up the picnic basket and walked to the top of a hill to have our little sandwiches and play cards against humanity. On the walk there we passed by a park where little kids were asking why we were all dressed up if it wasn’t Halloween, so I shouted at them that it was her birthday and handed them the branch I was carrying. We played CAH on the hill and ate little sandwiches and meatballs and drank sparkling juice and had a lovely time, and when we were done, we walked back to her house where there was pizza and we all changed out of our formal wear. My bra was sewed into my dress with 6 stitches, so I grabbed some scissors and flashed my friend’s cat as I cut my bra free of the dress because I forgot to bring an extra. I changed into my ghostbusters shirt and snake onesie and joined everyone outside for pizza and lots and lots of stories and ice cream cake and gossip and quiplash and balloons and gifts and CAH and friends leaving and new friends arriving and more quiplash and then the grass getting cold and wet and going ham on keeping the balloons up and then playing that’s what she said (basically CAH but ✨for women ✨) and by this time there was a dude I didn’t know but he was very nice and cute and already taken. Tbh I didn’t know half the people there, there was a group of 4 cool alt people I had never met and then the 4 band kids I already knew but everyone else seemed to know each other and they all had great energy so I yelled a lot and joked a ton and had an amazing time. As the crowd dwindled and the night got cooler, I helped put things away before I left so I could be a nice guest, said my goodbyes, gathered my things, and drove home past midnight. Ask walked around the house turning off lights like my mom asked, I realized that my dad wouldn’t be sleeping here anymore, and I felt bad that he had to spend the night all alone in his new apartment :( and this is going to be a huge financial burden that idk if he can afford, rent for the apartment is almost as much as my mom pays for the house. Jejdjgjt this is all a mess and I would like to go back to ignoring it all <3 Listened to a lot of two trucks by lemon demon lmao

Hoo boy howdy I did a lot of shit today. Basically as soon as I woke up I got a text from dad about us helping him move with a promise of donut holes and a fruit platter. I walked out to the garage to find our family friends the drakes helping to move boxes, so we all spent several hours loading boxes into our cars and driving back and forth from the house to the apartment, with emily and I avoiding the drakes as much as possible lmao. When we had moved as much as we could in the car, we started loading up the uhaul, shoving as much shit in there as possible so we only had to do one trip there and back. Partially through unloading the truck the drakes stopped cleaning things before we brought them in left and some randos from dad’s work came to help unload and somewhere in the middle of all this our aunt and uncle and her service dog came to visit?? Bruh idk so much stuff happened. Emily asked me to take her home so she could work on school stuff and we put things back into the garage and I went back to the apartment to help with stuff and hang out with my aunt while my dad and uncle returned the truck. We made a list of stuff I might need for college and I wrote it down on a notepad and most of the page space was taken up by ponies tbh. The men brought back burger king and eventually my aunt and uncle left. I helped my dad clean up and set up his wifi and we watched mama Mia. It was my first time seeing the film, and it was really dang fun. Then I made dad drive me ho e since emily was still gone with the silver car. I’ll spend he night over there eventually, but not yet. I’m exited to eventually invite friends over since I’ve never been able to do that before. So now I’m home trying g to go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. I keep thinking about smoking weed and making out with someone in the hidey hole in dad’s apartment............ even tho I have literally no one to do that with afsagssg I’m a CHILD. 

Had dreams last night about being stuck on the infinity train again, except there was a mechanic of switching the world between 2d and 3d and the cast of Bluey had to help bingo go through stages of grief / character moments to help her get off the train or something. I was tossing and turning for a few hours anxiously waking up thinking I was gonna be late and going back to bed so I could sleep/dream more. But then I finally got up, fed my cat, fed myself, helped clean the kitchen a little bit, got ready for work, arrived 15 minutes late on accident, worked register for 6 hours, got more comfortable with register and learned how to do stuff, lots of friendly people, lots of me struggling and my bones hurting, dad brought me food but I couldn’t get to my lunch break until everything was room temperature. The chicken sandwich reheated well but the fries did not. After work dad and I stopped by the house, I got an info card to fill out so I can be called in for jury duty eventually, dad handed me $50 for dinner for us and my sister, we laid on the floor and looked at the noodles and company menu, drove there, picked up our food, had a lovely dinner at dad’s apartment, laid around while he talked to Greg on the phone, went to target to pick up small apartment things like a clock and a trash can and some small groceries but it made me nervous because I hate spending money and watching my dad spend money he may or may not have, and by then we were tired as shit and after dropping his stuff off emily and I drove home and I tried teaching her how to crochet for a school project. Now I’m hanging out wanting to go to bed and thinking about how everybody else my age working at ACE is doing like 60 hours a week with 2 jobs and saving for college and I’m just sitting here with probably 14 hours a week and fuck. I don’t want to spiral into shit, I just want to keep busy as much as possible. Maybe I’ll ask for as many work hours as possible, maybe I’ll ask my friends to hang out, idk. Right now I jut want to be busy so I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll spend as much time as possible helping my dad set up his apartment, I don’t care.

WAAAAA TODAY AT WORK WAS SO STRESSFUL, I LEFT FELLNG SO FRAZZLED IT SUCKED. basically I worked register for 4 hours but they’re all trying to ween me off asking for help to get me more comfortable, and we were surprisingly busy, and my garden boss becky asked me to do 2 extra things and my boss boss kept asking about paperwork that I couldn't fill out because I needed my sister to text me something, and an old man got mad at me over the phone because no-one was out there to fill his propane tank and I had a lady waiting for 10 minutes for someone to help load salt into her car and a middle aged man tried to use sarcasm at me while I was in friendly cashier mode aND IM SORRY I HAVE ADHD I DONT GET IT PLEASE S T O P and I tried answering the phone more and I didnt get the things done that becky asked and I left shit there because I just wanteD OUT. afterwards I went to target to get something, idk im writing this afterwards so I not really remember 

and today, my day off. ugh god I dont remember what I did, I know I picked up a vent for my mom’s bathroom and I just went to go get Taco Bell with my sister and bought her some more about crocheting and she’s making progress :) tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and last year I made her a felt doll of her fursona, so today I started making a crochet doll for her. so far I have the body and libs, but I still need to make the muzzle, tail, ears, attach everything, and hand-sew on all the markings and glue on button eyes. or maybe felt eyes, idk. my stomach hurts and I got upset because I told my mom my cat may be sick because her pee looked suspicious so I crocheted and watched my little pony and now I have a headache and im just trying to listen to music but really I just want to watch 50 arms videos at once but it wasn't loading right and idk man I dont know what’s happening, I may be going into work tomorrow. I think now that I have a job to do 3-4 times a week, I dont feel like I can just chill and wing it anymore, it’s like I have plans forever now. and oh god I still have to sig up for college orientation night or whatever, but my mind hasn'tt been on college for like a month or longer. I think im just going to take some Advil and try to relax with my cat and my music. holy shit dude. I know none’s gonna read this but just. fuck. also I should really post these more frequently rather than let them pile up in my texts. thinking about going back and adding all the dates like I did with my early quarantine diary, but that feels like a lot of work

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #may 2021 daily

[sevengeese]

50 Questions You Have Never Been Asked

thanks for the tag @floweringpopcat​ :)

1. What is the color of your hair brush?

i have a grey comb! i don’t have a brush though because they make my hair really frizzy

2. A food you never eat?

gosh i’m a very picky eater. i won’t eat okra, bitter gourd, eggplant, cucumber, plenty of others that i can’t remember. also won’t eat shellfish but that’s because my whole family’s allergic

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

too warm. i love the cold so much and once it’s like 15 degrees outside it’s too hot for me

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

i think i was brushing my teeth lol

5. What’s your favorite candy bar?

i used to love crunchie bars on halloween when i was younger!!! haven’t had one in forever but they were so good!!

6. Have you ever been to a professional sporting event?

my school made us go to a basketball game if that counts???

7. What was the last thing you said out loud?

“Good morning. Love you!” to my sister

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

chocolate!!! especially dark chocolate!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

coffee

10. Do you like your wallet?

yeah it’s my phone case too and i have a little pocket-sized periodic able in there! it’s my prized possession!

11. What was the last thing you ate?

last night i had an ice cream bar for dessert

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

no i don’t go clothes shopping often it makes me nervous

13. The last sporting event you watched?

sports? who’s that?

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

i like the cheesy flavours, or regular buttersalt

15. Who was the last person you sent a text to?

a classmate and i were messaging about peer editing our essays for english a few days back

16. Ever go camping?

yes!!! my family used to go every summer with our family friend group and it was the best!!!! as soon as quarantine’s over i really want to do it again i miss it so much!!!!!

17. Do you take vitamins?

i’m supposed to take iron and vitamin d every day, and my mom said i should also be taking a multivitamin. so i take those

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

no i’m not christian

19. Do you have a tan?

not anymore because i barely leave the house in these uncertain times, but i used to have such an obvious tan line where i wear a bracelet every day. i found it so funny

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

chinese food! honestly i’m not big on pizza

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

no i try not to use straws to reduce my plastic use

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

black with coloured stripes

23. Ever drive above the speed limit?

no!!! though i don’t really drive ever. i got my g1 license two years ago and i’ve been behind the wheel twice i am not ready

24.  What terrifies you?

everything!!!!!!

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

my glass of water, my phone, my sister’s laptop, a box of yellow jell-o mix that my sister needs for work, a guitar, a window

26. What core do you hate?

i don’t really know anything about core??

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

i don’t really?

28. What is your favorite soda?

i think sprite? though i also like ginger ale

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

um when my family goes we use the drive through so we can eat on the way to where we’re going, but with my friends we walk from school so we go inside

30. Who was the last person you talked to?

my mom

31. Favorite cut of beef?

i don’t have one. i don’t eat beef very often so i don’t know much about it

32. Last song you listened to?

where did the party go by fallout boy

33. Last book you read?

i reread the trumpet of the swan recently

34. Favorite day of the week?

i like wednesday. it’s a nice word and it feels like it’s a nice shade of light blue

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

yes, but slowly

36. How do you like your coffee?

like half milk with a little sugar

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

i have this pair of black velcro sneakers that look like they have laces and i really love them! i’ve had them since grade nine and they’re the best! but i’m not allowed to wear them anymore because my mom said they’re too worn out

38. At what time do you usually go to bed?

during normal school around 8pm, now around 9:30 or 10pm, though it takes me a while to get to sleep

39. At what time do you normally get up?

6am in the normal school year, 9:30 am now

40. What do you prefer - sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises!!!

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

one weighted blanket

42. Describe your kitchen plates?

white with green leafy or red floral designs near the edge

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

no i don’t drink and i don’t want to

44. Do you play cards?

my friends and i used to play crazy 8s and trump during lunch

45. What color is your car?

my mom’s car is white and my dad’s is dark cherry red

46. Can you change a tire?

no not in the slightest

47. What is your favorite province?

i live in ontario and i love all the forests here it’s lovely! but i also really love the mountains in bc but i think forests win

48. Favorite job you ever had?

the only job i’ve had was captioning videos.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

not sure if it’s my biggest but my most obvious scar is from when i was volunteering at an animal shelter and a kitten tried to climb me like a tree and her claw cut right into my leg, leaving a big, deep, scratch! she was so adorable and energetic and fun i loved her!!!

50. What did you do today that made someone happy?

i spent some time with my mom and it was nice

tagging @oceaneyes1834 and anyone else who wants to do this!!!

[jmeddows2]

Purple Thunder (Roger Taylor Series) - Part 2

(present/old) Roger Taylor x  Reader

**

Notes:** Sorry for grammar mistakes/ weird sentence structures. English is not my first language but anyways, I gave it a go. Enjoy and feel free to submit requests, feedback etc.

There are going to be some inaccuracies regarding song lyrics throughout the series. 

This is what I imagined Reader to wear: 

Part 2: You woke up the next day to an empty bed, because Josh had already gone to a band meeting for his upcoming tour.  You made your way into the kitchen to find a note on the counter: *Morning babe, I’m at the studio, coffee should still be hot. Have fun today, miss you already, I love you*

With a smile on your face, you pour the coffee into your own merchandise mug and grab your phone.

*5 unread messages*

*From: Ruf - Darkness*

“you’re meeting up with my dad today??? :O why didn’t you tell me? ☹ x ” – 7.03 am “oh sorry, good morning, (Y/N) :D  x” – 7.04 am “congrats on the Grammy by the way, I want to be you when I grow up 😉 x” – 7.10 am “my dad told me to take you home to his home studio in Surrey, if that’s ok x” – 7.20 am “I’ll pick you up at 11 x” – 7.24 am

You first met Rufus when your band was a support group for his band ‘The Darkness’, during that time you also had a short fling with his lead singer. Honestly though, it was all about the parties, coke and booze. On one of those drunken nights you ‘accidently’ expressed your love for Queen and especially Roger, to Rufus. He was so shitfaced that he probably forgot every word you said anyways.

You were a little disappointed, that Roger didn’t text or call you himself, since you exchanged numbers the night before.  Taking a quick glance at the clock you nearly dropped your mug. 10.33 am. ‘Fuck, how am I supposed to get ready within the next 27 minutes?’, you thought to yourself. You took a quick shower, brushed your teeth, put on a white lace bralette, some light – blue ripped jeans and a fluffy, short coat. A little exposing, but that was your trademark after all and you couldn’t just show up to Roger fucking Taylor’s house wearing joggers and an old, washed out shirt, right? While applying your eyeliner you received a message on your phone:

*From: Ruf – Darkness* “I’m outside x”

You took one last glance in the mirror, locked the door and made your way outside. There was Rufus, leaning against a red Ferrari 308 GTB. Once he spotted you, a smile appeared on his face and he greeted you with a big hug: “Ahhh, (Y/N)! Long time no see, how have you been?” “Pretty good, how else would a Grammy winner feel?”, you replied. “Congratulations, majesty. I meant what I said by the way, I want to be you when I grow up”, you chuckled at his comment. “Ruf, you’re older than me. Nice car you got there!” He opened the door for you, closed it, got in on the driver’s side and the car journey began.   “My dad actually gifted it to me, he bought it in 1983, but this bad boy is still in the best shape. You look very pretty today! Who’d you dress up for, though? We’re just going to see my dad and you’re going to be locked up in a studio”, he chuckled. His words made you blush, but thankfully he didn’t notice. “Thank you. But what do you mean, Ruf? I always wear this kind of stuff. How long is the drive anyway?” “About 35 minutes, I lived in Surrey my whole life. My sisters lived with my mum though. The only people that still live in the Surrey home are my dad and his wife.”, he explained. Right. You totally forgot that Roger was a married man. “I see, some embarrassing childhood pictures I could browse for then?!”, you tried to cheer yourself up. “Don’t even try, love”, he chuckled.

The drive went by quickly and you found yourself in front of the biggest house you’d ever seen. And you’d seen plenty of them. It was majestic, close to a castle, with lots of greenery. Hell, the garden was at least ten times as big as your apartment in the city of London, which was far from small itself.

“T- that’s where you grew up?”, you stuttered. “Yeah my dad owns a few houses. One’s in Ibiza, one in Switzerland, a mansion in LA, there’s also the apartment in Kensington. I used to live in Kensington one with my girlfriend, but we decided to get our own place in Soho”, he laughed. “So nice to hear, how’s Jessica by the way?” you asked as you both walk towards the front door. “She’s good, very good. But it’s so hard to have such hectic lives, my touring and her modelling job. Who am I to tell you about these kinds of things? You know exactly what I’m talking about. Greet Josh from me, by the way.”, he answered. Hearing those words, your mind drifted to your boyfriend, Josh, and you wondered what he was on about in this moment. Your thoughts were cut off as the door swung open. “Hi, there you are, kids.” Kids. Ouch. “Nice to see you again Mr. Taylor!”, you stretched out your hand. “C’mere”, he took you by surprise and pulled you into a big hug. When he released you from the probably best hug you’d ever received, a slight pink shade started to form on your cheeks. Thankfully the two didn’t notice, because he turned to Rufus and greeted him just the same way. Rogers expensive cologne still lingered on your chest from the hug and you swore it was your favorite smell already. “You two must be hungry, I prepared some ‘pigs in blankets’ for lunch. I know it’s not much, but Sarina’s not here and I suck at cooking.”, Roger stated proudly. “Sorry pap’s, I can’t stay over, I promised my girl Jessica to accompany her to a photoshoot. (Y/N)? I’ll pick you up at 8 to go back home?”, Rufus asked you. “Don’t bother, Rufus, enjoy your time with Jess.”, Roger said, as he turned to you “I can give you a ride home, (Y/N). I figured to stay in Kensington for the upcoming weeks, since my wife is gone to shoot a new movie. So if you don’t mind…” “I’d appreciate that, thank you, Mr. Taylor”, you smiled kindly. “It’s Roger for you, don’t make me even older than I already than”, he said with a sad smile, never leaving your eyes. “You’re not that old”, you decided to cheer him up. “She’s right”, Rufus chimed in. “..you still got it….. for an old man”, he laughed. Roger took it with humor and was quick to tell him: “Don’t you have somewhere to be, son?” A quick goodbye was exchanged, with the two of you left in the kitchen.

“Let me give you a quick house tour before we get to work, darling?”, his words sent shivers down your spine. With each room, your eyes grew bigger and bigger, it must have cost a fortune, made you speechless and Roger noticed your excitement, which made him kind of proud of himself. The mansion included seven bedrooms, a huge swimming pool, a Jacuzzi, several game rooms, stables and a tennis court outside. “Wow”, was the only thing you were able to mouth while you two stood in front of the lake, right beside his house. “You know, I always used to come down here, when things get too crazy. I’ve written so many songs here. It’s inspirational, peaceful.” “I can see exactly what you mean”, you agreed with him. “When things got too crazy for me, I never really had somewhere to go, you know? To blow some steam off. That’s why I literally exploded”, you sad with a sad smile. “Sorry to bore you with that.” “No, no, I know what it’s like, love. The constant pressure, people being complete wankers and judging your every move, I’ve been there before, don’t worry about that”, he gave you sympathetic smile. “…except that there isn’t a Grammy stood on my trophy wall”, he continued. You two started to laugh when a serious expression started to form on his face: “Seriously though, don’t let these wankers get to you. You’re a talented, pretty, young girl. If you should ever need some advice, help or anything, I’d love to help you out, to mentor you. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, this is only the beginning.”   “Thank you, that means a lot coming from rock royalty, Mr. T-, I mean Roger”, you blushed. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”, you asked to escape the situation. It didn’t make you feel uncomfortable, in fact, you wanted to hug him and shower him with compliments, but that would be too weird, right? You two made your way to the back of the house where his home studio was situated. It was bigger than any recording studio you’d ever been in. You spotted approximately 20 guitars, a beautiful white piano, a ukulele, 5 drum kits in different sizes etc. You found yourself admire the walls, which held framed drum skins of his, one had his face on, another one had a simple ‘Queen’ written over it, and right next to that, one with the Queen logo. As you reached the last one a ‘smile’ crept onto your face, as it was the Smile band logo (see what I did there? 😉) You were so mesmerized by the drum skins, that you didn’t notice Roger standing right behind you. “I see you’ve found the old gems, love”, he made you jump. You couldn’t even find the words to say before he began: “So I’ve got this little song here and I’d like to release it sometime soon, but I’d love to hear your opinion on it, your honest opinion!”, with that the song began to play.

A heavy guitar started the song, while a steady beat kicked in in the background, accompanied by the lyrics ‘wake up, you boys; shape up, you girls; are you, aware; there’s gangsters running this world’. You lost it at the next part when there was heavy drumming involved, nodding your head to the beat, while Roger always kept his eyes on you, to get a great view of your reaction. Once the song was over, he broke the silence: “So? How’s that? Be brutally honest!”

“Honestly?”, you managed to keep a straight face which turned into a smile, “I love it, the guitars, the drums, the lyrics, it’s catchy and has a real meaning.”

“Are you sure? I could spend a little more time on mixing it to-“ “It’s perfect, Roger, I mean it”, you cut him off. He smiled at you. How could a rock legend like him be so self – conscious? As he fiddled with the buttons on the mixing board you found yourself staring at him. Admiring his beauty, blue ocean eyes, you could get lost in them. You dreamed of situations like this since you were younger, even younger than now. He didn’t look his age at all, his smile looked the same as it did in 1975. Damn. How could anybody be so beautiful?

“..did you just hear me?” “Sorry, what?” “I asked if you want to grab something to eat right now? We could take it down to the lake” “That sounds awesome”, you answered. “What’s the song called?”, you asked as you dipped your feet into the lake, taking a bite from the ‘pig in a blanket’. “Gangsters are running this world, actually. I also dubbed it to be the ‘purple version’” You nearly choked at his words. “Purple?”, asked. “Yeah, it’s kind of an homage to you and your band. You inspired me on the musical parts” For the literally hundredth time that day you felt speechless. You just stared at him searching for words, which you most certainly couldn’t find. This atmosphere inspired you to the fullest: peace, silence, only birds chirping, you decided to scribble down some lyrics into your notebook. You didn’t even have to think hard about it, it just came naturally. Once you looked up, Roger was already looking at you. “What? Do I have something on my face?”, you asked. “No, was just admiring the view, I must say you look very beautiful today. Not just today, you always do.”, he said. You thanked him and were quick to excuse yourself to the bathroom, even though had no intention to use it. Is this really happening? You splashed some water on your face to calm down a little. *Roger’s POV* ‘Wow you really outdid yourself once again’, he thought to himself. ‘What is this girl doing to you?’ He knew it was wrong to say such a thing, but he couldn’t help himself once he saw your face all concentrated, shining eyes flying over the paper, the tip of your tongue poking out to lick your lips slowly. *(Y/N)’s POV* You made your way back to Roger, as it was starting to get darker and darker outside. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable earlier.”, he apologized. “That’s not it, Roger, I’m just really tired, it’s been a long night yesterday and I’m exhausted.” Lies. You were literally asleep once you arrived home at 11 pm. “That little boyfriend of yours got kept you awake then?”, he laughed. “Stop”, you playfully hit him. You didn’t want to admit that it was actually him, you were thinking about right before you fell asleep. The ride home was quiet, mainly because you fell asleep after 5 minutes, cuddled into the seat of Roger’s spacious Range Rover. “(Y/N), love? We’re here!”, he gave you a light shake, got out of his seat, walked over to your side, to open the door for you.

“thanks for your help today”, he smiled down at you. “I wasn’t any help at all, but you’re welcome”, you smiled back. Roger pulled you into a hug, there it was. His smell, you wouldn’t mind staying like this forever. And your heart started to beat fast. The warm, safe feeling was quickly cut off by the clicking of cameras. Fuck. Paparazzi. You exchanged quick goodbyes, escaping the situation and to prevent more pictures to be taken. Fuck. They had to ruin everything. Maybe it was for the best. Walking into the flat Josh had already been waiting for you on the couch. “What is that?” he sounded angry. “What is what?” He pointed to a picture on his phone which showed Roger and you hugging just a few minutes ago. Fuck, those paparazzi’s work fast.

#roger taylor #Queen #roger taylor x reader #present day roger #present day roger x reader #Brian May #greta van fleet #josh kiszka #rock band #rock music #classic rock #purple thunder

[n0-eyedtaissa]

Birthday Girl

Description: Ever horrible at picking out gifts for his sister on her special day, Sweet Pea tries his hand at throwing Ruthie a surprise party...although no one is really sure that he’ll be able to pull it off. 

A/N: It was Emmy Rossum’s birthday on the 12th (Ruthie’s face-claim), which got me thinking about what Sweet Pea would be like on his sister’s birthday. Special thanks to @hugharekillianmesweetpea and @sweetpeas-sweetpea for giving me the idea of him trying his hand at a surprise party! 

Word Count: 7,080

It was like this every year: Ruthie’s birthday would come around, creeping up on Sweet Pea when he least expected it, and he would have to scramble around to get her a present. It was so much easier when Sweet Pea was little. He would hand-make her a birthday card and draw party hats and balloons on the front with crayon and scribble his name and a birthday message in a heart and call it a day. Ruthie would hug him nice and tight, tears welling up in her eyes as she muttered a bashful “Thank you, Pea”. She was a sentimentalist in that way. 

Now it wasn’t so easy. When he was ten he got her a four packs of Big Red; poorly wrapped the gum in newspaper and stuck a bow on it. Ruthie was confused when she opened it, so Sweet Pea explained that he knew cinnamon gum was her favorite. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she only bought that flavor of gum because she knew it was the only kind he wouldn’t steal from her. 

One year he bought her a vintage jean jacket from the thrift store that was three sizes too big for her. “If it doesn’t fit you, I can totally take it off your hands,” Sweet Pea says too quickly when Ruthie takes it out of the bag. She just rolls her eyes and wordlessly throws the jacket at her brother. 

When she turned 22 Ruthie got a new watercolor paint set, some new brushes, and multiple sizes of canvases. She would sigh and hand over the supplies to Sweet Pea, “You didn’t every try this time, did you?” He just shrugged in response. “Well, are you at least gonna paint me something with all of this?” “Oh, uh…I didn’t even think about that.” 

Two years in a row he had gotten Ruthie earrings. Her ears weren’t pierced, nor had they ever been. Needless to say this year he had to step up his game. Ruthie’s birthday was in three days and he had no ideas. 

Sweet Pea racked his brain for things that he thought his sister needed…and then he got it!  Ruthie had been having some issues with her car for the last month of so, some part making a sound that didn't sound write right to either of them. He’d made enough money doing Serpent jobs lately, why doesn’t he just take her car in and pay to get it fixed himself? All throughout the school day he was excited, muttering about needing to get price estimates and thinking about how he would take Ruthie’s car to the shop without her noticing. 

When he got home from school that day, Sweet Pea paced around the trailer for a while, knowing that his sister would be home sooner rather than later.  Within the hour Ruthie’s car comes screeching into the driveway, and Sweet Pea launches himself into the armchair, trying his best to act ‘natural’. Ruthie unlocked the door and shuffled, plopping down on the couch with a loud groan.

“Hey did you ever figure out what was wrong with your car?” Sweet Pea asked, trying to be casual. 

“Yeah! It’s gonna be a pretty easy fix, something about corrosion on my fan belt making it slip off a pulley?” Ruthie shrugged, reaching up yank the hairband out our her dark curls

“Sounds like car troubles,” Sweet Pea chuckles. “How much is that gonna run you?” He winced in waiting. 

Ruthie waved her hand dismissively, “I got a discount at the auto shop because Betty Cooper said she would do the installation for free, guess she works there sometimes. She’s good with cars.” She started massaging at her scalp, tender-headed from the tight ponytail she wore when working with the food at Pop’s. 

Fuck. Sweet Pea was out of ideas now. 

“Wait…how’d you get Cooper’s number?” Sweet Pea queried. His sister had only met Betty a few times, she tended to stay with her tight clique of Northside friends, and Sweet Pea had never really talked to her without reason to. He tolerated her because she was Jughead’s so-called “Serpent Queen”, despite never having actually been directly involved with the Serpents…it had left a bad taste in Sweet Pea’s mouth for a long time now. 

“Asked Jughead for it.” Ruthie answered shortly, leaning up from the ratty green couch to get to work at unlacing her restaurant shoes. She kicked off the clunky black orthopedics and wriggled her toes as she relaxed back into the couch.

Sweet Pea looked at Ruthie strangely, his eyebrows raked together in confusion. “Since when have you had Jughead Jones’s phone number?” Ruthie had always tolerated Jughead, sometimes begrudgingly, but he wasn’t someone like Fangs, Toni, or Queenie that was around their house more often than not. She thought that he was a pretentious smart-ass; someone with a ‘Holden Caulfield complex’ as she called it. 

“Not long, asked FP for it a little while back” Ruthie grimaced, bracing herself for Sweet Pea’s reaction. She looked over at him to see an intrigued expression plastered across his face, 

“You and FP have each other’s phone numbers?” He sends a knowing glance at his older sister.

“We text sometimes,” Ruthie tried to brush it off, but she couldn’t help but blush.

“Oh my god, Fangs was right…” Sweet Pea announces dramatically. 

Ruthie raises and eyebrow at him, prompting him to finish his thought.

“Me and Jughead are gonna be step-brothers!” He exclaimed, face wrinkling up in distaste as he got up and made his way towards the kitchen.

“He said WHAT?!” 

“Nothing….nothing!” Sweet Pea tried to be cavalier as he rifled through the refrigerator. 

“Nothing my ass!” Ruthie grumbled, chucking her shoe in her little brother’s general direction. The shoe missed him completely, but Sweet Pea got the message. 

He laughed as he pulled out tupperware containers from the fridge, trying to find himself something to eat. If Ruthie was already planning on getting her car fixed, then what was he to get her for her birthday? He racked his brain, starting aimlessly into the microwave as he heated up some Mexican rice that Abuela sent over with Fangs a few days ago. Still coming up short, he just decided to bite the bullet: 

“Hey Ruthie?” She hummed in response, letting him know she was listening. “What do you want for your birthday?” He asked quietly, almost ashamed. 

“I don’t need anything, Pea. Save your money” She says dismissively, eyes closed as she sat still on the couch. 

“Okay you don’t need anything, but is there anything that you want?” He questioned again. 

Ruthie laughed tiredly from the couch.

“A day off.” 

“I’ll make it happen.” Sweet Pea promised. He didn't exactly know how he was gonna pull that off, or where to even begin, but he sure as hell was gonna try. 

~~~

“The only thing she said she wanted for her birthday was ‘a day off’! How am I supposed to wrap that up and but a bow on it?” 

Sweet Pea paced back in forth in front of Toni and Fangs, who were also trying to help their friend figure out what do to. There was only two days left before Ruthie’s birthday so Sweet Pea was seriously running out of time. The three of them had some time to kill before the Serpents all gathered for the weekly Wednesday meeting at the Whyte Wyrm, so he decided to try and bounce some ideas off of his friends while they loitered.

“I mean you only turn 25 once!” Fangs said enthusiastically, leaning against his parked motorcycle. “It’s basically all downhill from there, so you really gotta go out with a bang!”

“True, there’s not a lot of milestones left after 25…” Toni started. “When you’re 16 you get your learners permit, when you’re 17 you get your license, 18 you can vote, 21 you can legally drink, what can you do at 25?” Toni asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Uh…rent a car?” Sweet Pea offered, getting defensive over his sister.

“Do you see any car rentals in Riverdale?” Toni asked smugly.

“What am I supposed to do?” Sweet Pea grumbled, kicking angrily at the ground and sending parking lot gravel flying. 

“She wanted a day off, go talk to Pop Tate?” Fangs offered, “She works her ass off for him, he’s an understanding guy…just ask him?” 

Before Sweet Pea could respond, he was interrupted by the tell-tale sound of FP Jones’s bike rolling through the gravel, the rev of his engine signaling that all straggling Serpents needed to get inside so they could talk shop.

The meeting was over before too long but the entire time Sweet Pea was still thinking about what he could do for Ruthie’s birthday. Fangs’ idea of talking to Pop about getting Ruthie the night off seemed probable, but he wanted to give her more than that for her birthday. She was always doing everything she could to make sure Sweet Pea lived a healthy, comfortable life…and that wasn’t always easy. 

Usually when Serpent meetings adjourned, Sweet Pea and his friends would disburse throughout the bar and drink, play pool, or socialize, but not today. Ignoring the strange looks he got from the bar’s many patrons as he passed by the pool table without stopping, Sweet Pea made his way out of the double doors and though the parking lot, hopping on his bike and heading up third street and heading to the Chock-Lit Shoppe. 

It was busy as usual (the peak hour for the dinner rush) so Sweet Pea was ducking between fellow students studying over milkshakes, as well as families out to dinner. In his hunt to find Pop Tate, Sweet Pea was surprised to stumble upon Betty Cooper having a bite with Archies Andrews and Veronica Lodge. Not being a fan of Archie or Veronica, he was hesitant to approach the group but he knew that Betty deserved a thank-you for going out of her way to help Ruthie with her car. 

“Hey, Cooper” Sweet Pea coughed awkwardly as she walked up to the table. He watched as Archie’s jaw tightened as he got closer to the table.

“Do we have a problem here?” Archie interjected, arm tightening instinctively around Veronica’s shoulder. 

Betty gave him a warning look, her blue eyes narrowing in warning and making Sweet Pea chuckle. She turned back to Sweet Pea, rolling her shoulders back and dropping any hint of malice she was showing Archie. 

“Hey Sweet Pea, how’re you?” She smiled kindly at the Serpent. He really wasn’t fond of the Northsiders, but it was hard not to like Betty. 

“Good, thanks. Uh—I just wanted to say thank you for offering to help my sister out with her car. You didn’t have to do that…” 

She shook her head, ponytail budging ever slightly. “It’s not a problem, it’s gonna be an easy fix, really.” She looked Sweet Pea in the eye and he knew she was being sincere. “Just have her give me a call and we can figure out a good time,” Betty smiles again, pink-lipped and coy. 

“I’ll be sure to pass that along. Thanks again, though” Sweet Pea mumbles, turning on his heel and walking away. 

“Okay, B….dish. What on earth was that?” Veronica piped up, not realizing that Sweet Pea wasn’t yet out of ear shot. He laughed to himself and walked on to find Pop Tate, not bothering to listen for Betty’s response.

Pop was behind the register, taking tickets and doling out change. Sweet Pea walked up beside him, earning a dissatisfied glance from the few guests that loomed in waiting. “Hey Pop!” He greeted the jolly old man enthusiastically. 

“Sweet Pea!” Pop bellowed a greeting, handing another customer their change. “If you’re  looking for Ruthie she left a few hours ago,” The man offered this tidbit of information knowing that the teen would often check in on his sister when she was working particularly long shifts.  

“That’s actually what I came to talk to you about, Pop” Sweet Pea said, leaning against the wood podium that Pop stood behind. “It’s her birthday on Friday…”

“Oh is it? She’s a good girl, Ruthie. Well-liked by customers, too!” Pop said mindlessly, ringing up someone else. 

“Yeah she is” Sweet Pea muttered fondly, “But actually, I came to ask you a bit of a favor…”

“What’s that, son?” Pop asked, a flurry of hands and receipts and ten-dollar bills. 

“So Ruthie’s been working really hard lately, here and over at the hospital, you know she’s the only one that takes care of me and I’m probably a real handful…” Sweet Pea was rambling now, “And she’s been really tired lately and Friday is her birthday, so I was just wondering if there was any way that you could give her the day off?” He held his breath as he waited for a response. 

“You’ve got something nice and special planned for your sister now, don’t you?” Pop Tate chuckled in response, looking at Sweet Pea intrigued. “What’re you thinking, boy? A surprise party?” He guessed.

“Wait w-what?” Sweet Pea was taken aback at first but then realized, this is exactly what I needed!  “Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah, a surprise party! Man you really catch on quickly, Pop…” Sweet Pea recovered with an awkward laugh. 

“Ruthie deserves it! I’ll call her in the morning and let her know that I won’t be needing her to come in that day” Pop promised, smiling warmly. “A surprise party!” he chuckled as if he couldn't believe it. 

Neither could Sweet Pea.

He bounded out of the diner and onto his bike, revving up the engine and heading back to Sunnyside at a speed that would warrant himself a lecture from Ruthie. He couldn’t help it though, he got Ruthie a day off from work (which she hadn’t had in a long time) and he now knew what his plan for her birthday was…

Now how the fuck does one plan a surprise party? 

Riding into the depths of the trailer park, Sweet Pea parked his bike in front of Fangs’ trailer and knocked on the door, waiting for Abuela to greet him. 

“Hijo! Como estas?” The elderly woman greeted him warmly, pulling him in for a bone-crushing embrace. She looked Sweet Pea up and down, “Have you gotten taller since the last time I saw you?” She questioned, holding Sweet Pea at his elbows so she could get a good look at him. 

“Abuela you saw me yesterday,” Sweet Pea laughed bashfully, wriggling out of the woman’s tight embrace and making his way into the living room. 

“Something about you seems different — have you eaten? Hijo I can see your ribs, mira!” She exclaimed again, prodding at Sweet Pea. “Atzi gave me and some of the other church ladies some homemade tamales, let me go heat some up for you!” She clapped excitedly, turning away from Sweet Pea and heading for the kitchen. 

He walked down the hallway to Fangs’ bedroom, not even bothering to knock on the door before barging in. Fangs jumped at the sudden sound, too distracted by the Netflix reruns that were playing loudly from his laptop. 

“Hey! What if I was naked?” Fangs asked, whipping around annoyed. 

“So?” 

Fangs paused for a moment, not being able to come up with an adequate comeback, “What’s up dude? You’ve got major crazy eyes, do we need to hide a body?” 

“What? No, I was coming to tell you that I — well Pop Tate — came up with a perfect idea for what to do for Ruthie’s birthday!” 

“And?” 

“We’re throwing her a surprise party,” Sweet Pea says confidently, flopping down onto Fangs’ bed hard enough to make his laptop bounce. Fangs glowered at his friend as he quickly grabbed the computer before it fell onto the floor.

“How do you think you’re gonna go about planning a surprise party in a day and a half?” 

“Well, that’s what I have you guys for, right?” Sweet Pea craned his neck to look at Fangs. He sat up quickly, ignoring the light headed feeling he got. “I have a plan!” 

“I’m nervous already…” 

Before Sweet Pea could divulge the details of his so-called plan, Abuela was calling the two boys from the kitchen:

“There’s food out here, you two! Come eat up!” The pair got up quickly, not wanting to test Abuela’s patience. 

“Gracias, Abuela!” Fangs said appreciatively, walking up behind the older woman and giving her a quick  peck on the cheek before sitting down at the dinner table, ceramic plate piled high with tamales for the two boys to share. 

“Yeah, thanks Abuela!” Sweet Pea said. He wasn’t hungry until he smelled the tamales but now he was salivating. Ignoring the surprise party plan for a moment, the two growing boys attacked the plate of food in front of them, eating the tamales with an impressive, animal-like nature. 

Belching loudly, Fangs reclined in the wooden kitchen chair and turned to Sweet Pea, “So what’s your plan?” 

“Huh?”

“The surprise party, dipshit!” 

“OH!” Sweet Pea exclaimed “Well we already have the place…” He looked at Fangs expectantly, surprised to see his best friend staring blankly back at him. He sighed, “The Wyrm?” 

“Do you really think FP would let you host a party there? Let alone, a surprise party?”

“It’s for Ruthie, so I’m hoping yes…” Sweet Pea mumbled. Everyone knew how much of a crush Ruthie had on FP, it was obvious. “Dude, did you know they text now?”

“What the fuck?”

“My thoughts exactly.” 

“So do you think they’ve like…done anything?” Fangs asked, looking at Sweet Pea suggestively. He groans, grabbing one of the Abuela’s over mitts from where they were strewn on the table, whacking Fangs with it. 

“Dude! I don’t know and I don’t want to know! That’s my freakin’ sister…and he’s like my boss.” Sweet Pea shuddered at the thought. 

“I bet if you say it’s for Ruthie he’d let you. Shit, I bet he’d even help out.” Fangs offers, snatching the pair of mitts away from Sweet Pea before he could get hit with them again. 

“You really think so?” Sweet Pea was skeptical. 

“I mean, there’s only one way to find out…” Fangs slid Sweet Pea’s phone from where it laid on the table, and the taller boy took it into his hands, unlocking it before scrolling to find FP’s contact and hitting the ‘call’ button. 

“Oh fuck, it’s ringing!” Sweet Pea muttered nervously, not knowing exactly what to say in order to get FP to let him (of all people) host a surprise party at the Whyte Wyrm. 

“Put it on speaker!”  Fangs demands sharply with a whisper-yell. 

“Sweet Pea!” FP answers in the third ring, “Everything all right?” He sounded skeptical already, Sweet Pea never called unless it was to discuss Serpent business or to be the bearer or bad news. 

“Just fine, Jones. I’m actually calling about my sister…” 

“Ruthie? What’s wrong, something happen down at the hospital?” A twinge of panic arose in FP’s voice, making Fangs wrinkle his face is distaste and skepticism. 

“N-no, nothing like that, it’s just that it’s her birthday on Friday…” Sweet Pea started hesitantly.

“Oh yeah?” FP chuckled, low and grumbly, “She never mentioned anything about a birthday….” 

Fangs looked at Sweet Pea again, “Oh they’ve definitely done stuff” he whispers and Sweet Pea leans over and gives the smaller boy a hearty push. 

“Yeah, she's not one to make a big deal about it. But she’s been doing so much lately so I was trying to plan her a party — a surprise party — so I was calling to ask if you’d let me throw it for her down at the bar?” 

FP didn’t answer for a moment and Sweet Pea’s face blanched, not having a backup plan if this were to fall through. 

“She don’t have work or nothin’?” FP questioned finally. 

“Squared it all away with Pop Tate so she has the whole day off,” Sweet Pea answers, feeling smug in that he was able to at least pull that off for his sister. 

“You’re a smart kid, Sweet Pea. A lot smarter than we all give you credit for,” FP laughed again. 

“Uh, thank-you?” It’s more of a question than a sincerity. 

“You can use the bar; Just this once. I’ll have Hog Eye pick up some more beer.” FP says before hanging up abruptly. 

Fangs and Sweet Pea looked at each other wide-eyed. Did that really just happen? The tall Serpent sighed in relief, no longer having to worry about a back-up plan for Ruthie’s birthday. But the question now became: How do we get this done in such a short amount of time?

The next day and a half was a flurry of phone calls; ordering food, drinks, inviting people — reminding them NOT to mention anything to Ruthie. So far he’d recruited FP and Hoe Eye to let him take over the bar for the night, as well as supply extra beer. Abuela had been cooking nonstop, making another large batch of her famous Mexican rice and a big dish of pupusas because she knew that they were Ruthie’s favorite. Fangs and Toni had pulled through with decorations, hanging up metallic streamers and blowing up so many balloons that it made the old dive bar look almost presentable. The three teenage Serpents had stayed up until the wee hours of Friday morning getting last minute party plans squared away.

It was around 5:30 on the morning of Ruthie’s birthday when Sweet Pea deemed the Whyte Wyrm party-ready. He had just finished hand-spraying a ‘Happy birthday, Ruthie’ banner, laying it along a stretch of tables to dry, with Toni setting up a makeshift photo booth with some of her excess camera equipment. 

Fangs threw the big push-broom aside, yawning as he flopped into one of the tattered booths, “Sweet Pea, the place is spotless! The decorations are already up and you have the food all planned out, my grandma has been cooking all day non-stop for your ass, can we finally go home now?” He yawned, proving just how tired he really was. 

“Yeah I think we’re about done here,” Sweet Pea mumbled, fist coming up to rub at his bleary eyes. “Just one more stop before we go home, though”

Toni groaned loudly, “What on earth could you possibly need to stop for, Sweet Pea? It’s almost six in the morning!” 

“I wanna stop at the bakery, get a dozen chocolate chip bagels” Sweet Pea shrugged as he looked around to see where he dropped off his jacket and keys. Toni scoffed, zipping her jacket up higher and crossing her arms judgmentally. 

“Dude how are you that hungry, I just watched you absolutely CRUSH a coffee and two baskets of fries…” Fangs looked disturbed yet impressed. 

“Not for me, asshole, for Ruthie!” Sweet Pea laughed, “They’re her favorite…” 

“That’s random” Fangs observed. 

“They’re both a breakfast, and a desert.” He muttered fondly, thinking of his sister. 

“Huh?” Both Toni and Fangs looked at him skeptically. 

“Forget it,” Sweet Pea dismissed, slipping on his jacket and making his way towards the entrance, shutting off the lights and preparing to lock up the bar for the night, er, the morning. The Whyte Wyrm seemed eerie without all of the hustle and bustle of drunken Serpents, so Sweet Pea was excited to be getting out of the empty bar. The three tired Serpents piled into Fangs’ beat-up car and wordlessly headed over to the bakery; their final stop on the Ruthie’s birthday tour. Fangs wordlessly pulled the car up to the curb in front of the worn brick building, idling, and unlocked the car door so Sweet Pea could get out. 

“Do you guys want anything?” Sweets asked sheepishly, feeling guilty that his friends were still awake because of him. 

“Yeah…to go home, Sweet Pea!” Toni says sharply, the bite in her voice making Sweet Pea close the door suddenly and head inside the bakery, already able to smell the warm treats as they were baking. 

He retrieves the bagels quickly, not wanting to piss off his friends even further, and heads back to Fangs’ car with his pink box of baked goods in tow. The ride back to the trailer park is silent. Not even the radio was on. When Fangs rolls up to Sweet Pea and Ruthie’s trailer, neither one of the mare surprised to see that the lights are all on; Ruthie was an early riser, used to waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to get ready for work. 

“Tell her I said happy birthday?” Fangs said quietly (as to not wake Toni who had fallen asleep in the backseat) when Sweet Pea opened the car door and slides out. He nods in confirmation, grabbing the pink cardboard box from Fangs’ outstretched hand and shutting the door behind him. 

Sweet Pea waits until Fangs rolls away to head up the front steps of the trailer, trying his best at unlocking the door quietly although he already knew that Ruthie was awake and would be waiting for him. He shuffled through the entryway and could hear Ruthie rooting around in the kitchen. 

“You just gettin’ in?” Ruthie questions, calling out to her brother.

Without saying anything Sweet Pea turns the corner into the kitchen, wielding the pink box of his sister’s favorite baked goods in hopes that she wouldn't question further about his whereabouts. 

“Happy birthday, Ruthie” Sweet Pea opened the bakery box, revealing a dozen chocolate chip bagels, “I got your favorite” He mumbled sleepily, thrusting the box her way. 

Ruthie gave him a cautious side-eye and snatched the box from her brother’s hands, eyes lighting up as she realized what the box contained. She snatched a bagel from the box and took a gratuitous bite, not even bothering to toast it. 

“You know, this may have been the best gift you’ve ever given me” She mumbles around her mouthful of food. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis…” Sweet Pea laughed, snatching some breakfast for himself before flipping onto the couch. “Wait, why are you even home? I though you had work today?” He questioned, although he already knew the answer.

“Dude! It was the weirdest thing!” Ruthie whipped around to look at Sweet Pea, eyes wide with amusement and confusion. “I get up for work like usual this morning, but then Pop Tate gives me a call and tells me that he doesn't need me anymore today!” She scrunched up her nose, “But I looked at the shift schedule last night before I left and he’s definitely understaffed…” 

“Pop’s getting up there in age, Ruthie…Maybe he just didn’t update the schedule?” Sweet Pea tried his best to play it cool, knowing that he could never get lies past his sister. 

Ruthie sighed. 

“Well, I mean maybe, but I just don’t get why he would tell me he needed me, then call me and tell me that I randomly have the day off!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in defeat. 

“At least you got what you wanted, right?” Sweet Pea asks as he pulls the throw blanket over himself, prepared to take a nap on the tattered couch. 

“Huh?” Ruthie looked at him curiously.

“A day off…” Sweet Pea yawned “It’s what you said you wanted for your birthday.” 

Ruthie relaxed against the counter, realizing that this was what she wanted. She laughed softly, looking over at Sweet Pea who was already on his way to falling asleep. 

“I have a day off and I don’t even know what to do with it…” She mumbled in awe. 

Sweet Pea groaned, shifting on the couch and throwing one of his long legs over the back of the couch, “Go back to sleep, dude it’s like 8am…” He mumbled, adjusting his blanket yet again. 

He was out cold in a matter of minutes, so Ruthie sipped her tea in silence, feeling peaceful and stress-free — which was actually kind of a strange sensation, but a pleasant one nonetheless. Because she was so used to already being up and about by this time, Ruthie didn’t know what to do with herself. Sweet Pea was right, though (which she hated to admit). She wanted a day off and she had it now, so she was determined to make the best out of it. 

Not being able to go back to sleep, Ruthie headed off to the bathroom, thinking that she could kill some time that morning by relaxing in a nice hot bath. She flitted into her bedroom quickly, grabbing herself a book and a change of clothes before heading back into the bathroom to be greeted by copious amounts of steam and foamy lavender-scented bubbles. 

She stripped down quickly, dipping a toe into the water to check the temperature, stepping into the tub and sitting down to be encompassed by the soothing hot water. Ruthie sat in the tub for a while, closing her eyes and breathing in the steam. It was quiet…Too quiet. 

She opened one eye wearily and looked around the bathroom. Still empty. Sweet Pea was snoring loudly from the couch, which made her chuckle. “Relax,” she whispered to herself, sinking further into the bubbles “You deserve this.”

About an hour later she emerged from the bathroom, bundled in one of Sweet Pea’s old flannels that he’d grown out of. Her dark waves were dripping lavender-scented water onto her back and shoulders, giving her chills. Walking down the short hallway, Ruthie wasn’t surprised to see Sweet Pea still passed out cold on the couch, one arm hanging over the side, his neck kinked at an angle that made Ruthie uncomfortable just looking at him. She tiptoed over to the couch, cradling his neck as she lifted up, and slipped a throw pillow under her brother’s head for more support. Sweet Pea barely stirred, which made Ruthie laugh. That boy could sleep through the apocalypse if he was comfortable enough. A loud snore escaped his lips, making Ruthie laugh louder than she meant to. She slapped a hand over her mouth and began quietly backing away from the couch, knowing that he’d be a real pain in the ass if he got woken up. 

Not knowing how to spend her day of relaxation, Ruthie sat down at the kitchen table and continued to read the book she had started earlier. It had been a few hours now and she  was over halfway through the novel when her phone buzzed at her side, snapping her out of her focus. Her eyes widened when she saw who the text message was from and what it said: 

FP: Wanna grab a drink tonight?

Ruthie’s breath hitched in her throat as she read it and re-read it, feeling the excitement bubble in her chest. She got up from the her seat at the kitchen table, taking a moment to do a celebratory happy dance before collecting herself again. She waited a few minutes before she responded, not wanting to seem too eager. Making herself seem like she was busy on her special day, she texted him back a whopping fifteen minutes later; 

Ruthie: Sounds good, what time? 

He responded almost immediately. So much for not seeming eager…

FP: I’ll be by at 7.

Ruthie jumped out of the chair, kneeing the wooden lip of the kitchen table in process. Swearing, she quickly hobbled down the hallway to her bedroom and opened her lackluster closet, trying to find something to fit the occasion. She checked the clock at her bedside table: 3:28 pm. She had an ample amount of time to get ready, but underestimating her fashion choices and her makeup skills, Ruthie thought she better get a head start while she could. Tossing aside ratty t-shirts and grease-stained overalls, she made her way through her closet piece by piece. 

Not having any luck in picking out an outfit, Ruthie was weighing her options. Her bedroom floor was a war zone and she was tripping over loose boots and high heels as she rooted through dressers full of sundresses and shorts. She contemplated going to the mall to find something new…but she didn’t have the money to drop on an outfit she would probably only wear once. So she resulted to her next-best option: calling up Toni. 

“Hello?” Toni answered sleepily.

“If you were me, what would you wear to get birthday drinks with a hot older guy?” Ruthie rambled into the phone, not bothering to say hello.

“Huh?” The younger girl was too dazed to understand half of what Ruthie said. 

“I’m getting drinks for a VERY attractive man later and I need to know what to wear and I don’t enough have time or money to go to the mall, so I’m using my resources” Ruthie explained, cradling her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she picked up a slinky black dress by the hanger and pressed it against her body to see what it would look like. 

Too presumptuous…

She tossed the dress aside as sighed as she waited for a response from Toni. 

“Wear something that you feel confident in, something that shows off your shape. It doesn't matter what you wear, because if you’re feeling good in it you’ll feel more confident and he’l definitely take notice.” Toni rattled into the phone, sounding exasperated yet still sincere. Ruthie shook her head.

“But Toni, you really didn’t—“ 

“Sorry Ruthie but I gotta go” Toni says quickly into the phone before hanging up abruptly. 

“—help.” Ruthie finished her sentence and chucked her phone off to the side. She sighed, looking at her clock again. 4:45pm.

“Shit!” 

After routine around in her closet for a little longer, Ruthie finally decided on the perfect outfit to wear to go out for drinks. It was simple, a black and white pattered dress with green, yellow, and pink flowers and a cinched belt around the waist. She put on her denim vest and called it a day, moving on to try her hand at putting on some makeup. 

Tonight Ruthie did her makeup a little heavier than usual: sharp bronze contour over foundation-masked skin, swiping glittery champagne-colored highlight over her prominent cheekbones. She took the time to wing out her eyeliner, only managing to mess up twice. 

“Fuck!” Ruthie grunted as her hand slipped, haphazardly drawing over most of her eyelid with her black liquid eyeliner pen. “Shitshitshit” she murmured under her breath, frazzled as she wiped fervently at the drying black mark on her eyelid.

Sweet Pea knocked timidly on the closed bathroom door, startled by her outburst. “You all right in there?” He asked, pushing his ear flat to the door. Not getting a response he asked again, “Ruth. Ruthie. Ruthann…” He tried to get her attention. And it worked, because then Ruthie wrenched open the rickety door, making her younger brother stumble backwards a bit. She marched into her bathroom and began to rummage through her dressed.

“You’ve got a little, erm…” Sweet Pea coughed awkwardly, motioning to his eye. 

“Yeah, I noticed.” Ruthie retorted sourly, shuffling through her makeup bag and retrieving he blue pouch of makeup remover wipes and cleaning the grey-black smears from her right eye.  

It was about 6:30 when Ruthie emerged from the bathroom, fully ready. She noticed Sweet Pea looking awfully dapper, done up in one of his nicer flannels, Serpent jacket fitting snugly around his tall frame. She eyed him curiously, 

“Where do you think you’re off to?” 

“Out?” He responded coyly. 

“What, it’s your sister’s birthday and you don’t wanna hang out with her?” She interrogated, crossing her arms over her chest and cocking out one of her hips.

“I was hanging out with you all day!” Sweet Pea reasoned, searching for his keys. Ruthie found them on the kitchen counter and snatched them up, holding them out to him.

“You were passed-out on the couch!” She retorted, getting annoyed now. Sweet Pea retrieves his keys with ease, making his way to the door, 

“Goodbye, sister!” He says playfully over his shoulder before locking the front door behind him and heading off to who-knows-where. 

Pretty soon Ruthie could hear gravel crunching under truck tires, alerting her that FP Jones was pulling up outside in his pickup truck. Panicking, she looked into the mirror by the door, flattening her hair and checking her lipstick and smoothing down her dress. She could hear FP’s boots echoing against the trailers metal steps, alerting her that he was making his was up to the door. He knocked simply, three short raps, and Ruthie gasped nervously. 

She waited a second, counting to five before she opened the door, “Hey, Jones,” Ruthie smiled shyly as she opened the door to let him inside.

FP let out a long exhalation of breath as he looked at her, “You look great, Ruthie” He muttered, raking a hand through his salt and pepper hair as he looked the girl up and down. 

“What, this old thing?” She pinched at the fabric of her dress between her forefinger and thumb, trying to downplay the amount of time it took her to even come up with this. 

“You look good.” FP said again, firmer this time. Like he wanted to make sure that Ruthie really did believe him. A blush rose up to Ruthie’s cheeks and she tried to hide it, turning her head away from him and shielding her face with her curly brown hair. 

Grabbing her small purse, Ruthie finally turned back to FP with a coquettish smile, “Ready to go?” FP nods in response, cracking a grin as he skillfully spins his keyring around his pointer finger, trailing behind Ruthie as she goes to lock up the trailer for the night. 

Before Ruthie can open the door to the passenger’s side, FP quickly stepped around her, opening the door for her with a comedic bow. She dramatically puts her hand over her chest, 

“And they say chivalry is dead!” She reacted sarcastically, making FP chuckle. He scoots his way back around the truck and gets into the drivers side, hopping up and into the seat with a grunt. He starts up the old pickup truck and the radio kicks on, an old Green Day song beaten softly through the blown out speakers: 

Do you know what's worth fighting for?

When it's not worth dying for?

Does it take your breath away

And you feel yourself suffocating?

Ruthie sings along quietly to the old song, not noticing that FP was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She bobs her head steadily to the rhythm, waiting for the drum beat to kick back in so she could start head-banging like she used to when she was sixteen and Sweet Pea was nine. They would put the CD into their mom’s old five-disc changer and crank up the volume, laying in the middle of the living room floor and staring at the ceiling. 

The memory is interrupted by a chuckle from FP, causing Ruthie to shift her gaze over to the older man. 

“What do you think you’re laughing at?” She asks defensively.

“Nothing, nothing…” FP deflects, “You’re good, can keep a tune,” he compliments. Ruthie feels her cheeks heat up again and mumbles something incoherent that may have resembled a “thanks” 

The truck turns into the parking lot of the Whyte Wyrm and the parking lot was about as crowded as always on a Friday night, nothing special happening. FP unbuckled his seatbelt and walked quickly around the trunk to open Ruthie’s door for her. 

“You know you don’t have to do that shit, right?” She questioned skeptically 

“Don’t get too used to it, kid, it’s reserved for special occasions only” FP warned, extending a hand out to Ruthie to help her get out of the truck. She grabs his large hand and laughs, slamming the door to the passenger’s side. 

FP leads Ruthie through the parking lot silently, gravel crunching under their shoes. Ruthie looked around strangely, noticing that none of the lights in the entryway were on. Not even the neon sign outside was lit up…

Shaking off her suspicions, Ruthie kept trudging after FP into the Whyte Wyrm, thinking that if he wasn’t thrown off by the darkness despite the clear presence of multiple cars and motorcycles, then she shouldn’t be either. She rolled her shoulders back trying to relax herself, but something about the situation seemed to be triggering her fight or flight response. FP opens one of the heavy front doors for Ruthie and she slips inside. Picking up his pace to walk in front of her, FP kept looking back in her general direction, making sure she was still following closely behind him, and Ruthie thought she heard the faint whispering of “She’s coming!”

“Why are all of the lights off when there’s so many bikes in the parking lot?” She finally asks. As the question leaves her lips, FP is flipping on the light switch and filling the bar with light.

A hand-painted ‘Happy birthday, Ruthie’ banner was hung up above the bar’s rickety stage, obviously painted by Sweet Pea himself. Another banner hung beside that one, a spray-painted portrait of the birthday girl with ‘Happy 25th birthday’ painted haphazardly, though the number 25 had a big line going through it. 

When he was outside painting it, Toni smacked him upside the head, telling him that “Women don’t like their age being revealed” 

The bar was full of Serpents, sitting half-crouched behind booths and pool tables. They all popped up awkwardly, clinging onto chairs for support as they lifted themselves back up to their feet. A murmur spreads though the crowd of people, not knowing if now was the right time to be yelling “SURPRISE!” like they had all rehearsed. 

“MOTHERFUCKERS! I told you all to park in the back!” Sweet Pea bellowed, jumping up from behind the bar. 

#happy birthday ruthie! #sweet pea x ruthie #sweet pea x oc #fp jones #fp jones imagine #fangs fogarty fic #toni topaz imagine #betty cooper #veronica lodge #archie andrews imagine #south side serpents #s-s-southsideserpentine

[terresdebrume]

It’s chrimmus!

Well, Merry Christmas if you celebrate and happy Tuesday if you don’t !

I hope all of you had the best day possible yesterday and go on to a good one today—and if that can’t happen for any reason, I hope you get to come home to comfort and emotional support at the end of the day/holidays.

Today marks my third Christmas in Cambodia. I spent the first one at the beach, if I remember well, and the second one… probably with friends, I think ? I distinctly remember having dinner with friends for New Year’s 2017, at least. This year my friends-slash-colleagues and I had a dinner party and a secret Santa ! It got a little hectic and only lasted until about half past midnight, but considering it happened after a day’s work and we’ve officially started exam weeks that was well done of us, I think :P

As a gift, I got a fantasy bow tie ! My not-so-secret Santa (I organized the thing and used a random generator to assign Santa/Santees pairs, so I knew who everyone had for like, fifteen minutes after giving out assignment) gave it to me in advance because she had something else to do last night (there were last minute dates changes) but everyone else got to open their presents during the evening and that was cool :D

It was interesting, too, because our group is mixed between French and Cambodian people and the Cambodian participants weren’t used to that so I feel like they were probably a little more nervous than us about their gifts being well received ? But everything went fine so that was nice and overall I really enjoyed the night x)

(Also I’m really proud of my packaging work for my secret santee, who got a multi-purpose cup holder and a christmas-themed cup, so have a picture of that as well:

I feel like there are a couple things I could have done better, in the way I behaved and the way I organized things but I suppose that’s just something to keep in mind for next year.

Also, on Sunday I sent a text to my sister for her birthday, which went over fine, I guess. Didn’t result in a conversation but that wasn’t exactly unexpected and hey, it’s our first communication in months so… progress, I guess ?

I don’t know. It’s kind of weird thinking of my family these days. On the one hand it’s not like their absence ruined the day or whatever—I’m not that big into Christmas, to be honest—on the other hand this is always the time of the year where I wonder what I could do more and I just...don’t know ? I mean. Sometimes I look at the state of things between us and I wonder if I’m becoming my father (please, please, no) because there are...other moments and instances, in my life, when I feel like I’m probably more callous and/or selfish than I should be and well. He’s generally the person that puts me in mind of and I really don’t want to be like him.

On the other hand, they’ve also made it clear that they didn’t feel comfortable when I talked about my life as a guy and like… I know it doesn’t have to come up every time we talk, but also it makes me uncomfortable to talk to them (any of them) and know they’re not going to be thinking of me as Matt but as [deadname] and a woman. And maybe it’s selfish but I don’t want to put myself through that.

I mean, things are going pretty well over here, but I’m still straddling the line, social position wise, and I still don’t know how to begin hrt (my doctor gave me a contact in Thailand that I have yet to write to for information) or if I’m even going to be able to do this while in Cambodia which… well, frankly, I don’t want to leave this place, so it’s not exactly an un-stressful topic. And like, I’m still using my birth name with students at work and in every official capacity and some colleagues still call me by my birth name (most of whom I haven’t come out to in person so I guess it’s kid of fair game, but also at least one who knows and hangs out with coworkers who do call me Matt so I’m kind of like ‘but why’) and it’s just. Enough. I don’t want to have to deal with that discomfort from my family of all places, but I don’t think they get that at all so.

Yeah.

Bit of a mess, there.

BUT ! On a happier note : I’m going to see Aquaman with friends this afternoon! And once this week is over I’ll officially be on holidays until January the 13th , and that means writing ! I’ll be able to focus on my Superbat Big Bang story, which will be nice, and hopefully will kickstart me into a slightly more productive 2019, writing wise.

Add to that the fact that I’ve confirmed the dates to visit @trovia next year (barring any financial complications between now and when I want to buy the actual plane tickets) and there’s also a lot of good things to think about and look forward to for 2019 :D

#My Posts #Matt has a life #Shit from home

[kpop4dummies]

The Pains In My Heart

Another piece of writing because I got bored! And Jung Jaehyun is the epitome of my life. Something a little heavier because watching a movie that makes you cry is the best method of healing ever :D Promise it’ll be a happy ending though!~ It’s a pretty long one, and I’m sorry it moves pretty slow. But I hope you enjoy! - Fay <3

(Photo not mine. Credits to NyLon Magazine)

Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Neighbor!AU, HighSchool!AU

Word Count: 3,605+

POV: First Person

“Ms. (Y/L/N), this matter is very serious if it goes on any longer. I advise you that you stop with your activities and move somewhere better for your health.”

“I’m sure my daughter understands, Doctor.”

“Good. Now her next appointments are…”

So here am I now in this new part of the city where it’s considered ‘safe for my health.’ No matter where I go, it’ll all be the same in the end. Nowhere is safe for my health. As long as I try to survive and get through the day without breaking a bone. That’s all that mattered to me for the sake of my parents. 

The first day we got to the new house was chaos. You know the deal, bringing out the boxes and unpacking all the dishes, clothes, toiletries, accessories. I wasn’t allowed to carry the things that were ‘too heavy’ for obvious reasons. As usual, dad would always crack jokes and even play around while mom unpacked and messily set the random articles of clothing and the accessories into the various rooms in the house. And for me? To just do as I was told. And the first night I slept, I barely got any. The city sights of our old home gave me comfort, where the loud noises on the streets numbed out the negativity in my head and gave me something to focus on as I slept instead of contemplating my existence. 

I saw no point into moving out here. I already missed the other side of town where my friends were probably missing me. If I even had any. The new high school didn’t exactly make it easier on me either. Kinda like the one back where I used to live. Always kids picking on me and complaining when I had an excuse to sit out on activities that included intense physical activity. Oh yeah, it felt like home now. Everyday for the next two weeks was the same. I woke up, went to school, went home, did my homework, eat, then sleep. The same cycle over and over again with no change.

Until one day, everything seemed to change. As usual, I got up and sat on my bed for awhile staring out my window. The blinds of the opposite window were open, which never happened. I always believed that that house was never occupied. And then, this handsome man appeared, woken up and ready for the day. He was dressed in only a wifebeater and some grey sweatpants with his hair a fluffed up mess, and… Woah. Who was he? Was it possible for someone to wake up as flawless as him? That was until he closed his blinds. I froze on my bed, the image replaying in my head of when he walked into his room, seemingly done with his morning routine.

Eventually, I had to get out of bed. I did my morning routine, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed out to walk to school. It was slightly chilly that morning on the way, I wished I brought a jacket. Why did I wear such a short sleeve shirt? Luckily, I was there in twenty minutes with ten left to spare. The building could be colder than outside, I swear.

After the first three classes of the morning, it was finally time for lunch. I mainly was by myself, sitting in the corner where no one ever goes to. It was all fine and dandy, until I met the eyes of the same guy I saw next door. This time, in actual clothes and socializing. He was less mysterious in this sense. He seemed to have fun. He stared at me as if he wanted to do so on purpose, until something else caught his attention. What was this feeling in my heart?

The school day began to end, finally. And it was time to walk back home. Just as I was about to head out, I heard a ‘hey you!’ being called out. I normally would ignore it. It was probably someone else being called to. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around to meet the same eyes of the boy next door. I was numb.

“Hey you, I was calling for you~”

“Do I know you?” I questioned him. Well, duh of course I knew him, what a dumb question…

“Well, I am your next door neighbor. Perhaps I didn’t introduce myself. Ahem, Jung Jaehyun. Junior class,” he said as he held out his hand, a small smile appeared on his lips. So he was a year above me. I hesitantly took his hand with a shy grin.

“(Y/N), sophomore class.”

“Year younger, eh? Well, I suppose I can walk you home,” he said as his smile got wider. 

The walk home was pretty pleasant. Jaehyun was an interesting person. Pretty popular among the crowd and had friends who were just a popular. He was pretty intelligent as well, which made the girl swoon. He sounded so perfect, and why was someone so perfect talking to someone who had nothing to offer? I guess you could say I’m a prude. I was nothing compared to what his life was like. 

“I mean, there could be some upsides in your life right?”

“If taking meds and constantly protecting yourself from almost everything was fun, I would consider my life an amusement park.”

“C’mon Negative Nancy, don’t get like that.”

“I’m not that pessimistic, I swear!” We could both laugh at my misery and how silly it was. He made my spirits lifted somehow. Like the world was off my shoulders finally. It was a fun time until we both stopped by my house.

“Well, I guess tomorrow is a new day, huh?”

“Yep. And no worries, (Y/N). It’ll always be a better day tomorrow. Don’t get too negative on me, eh?”

“Yeah yeah~ No time for lectures right now, ok? Well, see you at school, Jae!”

“You too, little miss sunshine~”

The little nickname he gave me made me chuckle and feel warm on the inside. Maybe I finally found a friend who’ll stick out for me. How wonderful. Until my mood swing hit and said, ‘He only pitied you. Don’t think it won’t happen again.’ It was fun while it lasted, as I always say.

For the next few months, it was like this. Me and Jaehyun walking to school together, meeting up at lunch with his friends to hang out, coming home afterschool and spending more time together in his house. And then go to bed to do the same thing all over again. Our moms would even tease us for going on ‘dates.’ Ridiculous, right? I’ll admit, it was kinda cute to be teased that we were a couple.

We couldn’t keep secrets from each other. We were the best of friends. Why would I lie to him? But thruthfully, I already broke that rule since Day One. I wouldn’t dare tell him what was wrong with me. Why I couldn’t do certain activities and why I was suddenly negative at random times. I couldn't even tell him why I was on so many medications at once. We were supposed to tell each other everything right?. 

 Until that fateful night. That’s when he finally found out everything.

On a Saturday afternoon, Jaehyun sent a text even if he was in the next window of the house. 

[3:50] (Y/N)! I wanted to tell you something!

[3:50] What haven’t you told me? lol

[3:51] Hurtful, hahah

[3:51] Anyway, Taeyong’s picking me up to head over to Taeil’s house in about 20 minutes. The guys will be there. You wanna come?

[3:52] Um, heck yeah! Casual?

[3:52] No, we’re going to prom. Of course dress casual, silly~

[3:52] lol, you meanie. I’ll be at the house in about 15.

[3:53] sounds good~ I’ll let them know you’re coming with.

And as usual, I dressed into a jacket and some leggings with a random band shirt thrown in my closet. Surely I didn’t look like I tried to fit in, did I? After a few minutes of laying around in my bed, I got up and headed for next door, just about five minutes before we were supposed to leave. I rang the doorbell about three times before a hoodie-clad Jaehyun stood at the door.

“You’re here a bit early~”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t miss me.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t,” he said as we both chuckled. I stepped back as he went to lock up his door. And at that moment, I heard Taeyong pull up on the driveway of the house. I turned to look around and gave a wave to the car. Well actually it was a seven-seater SUV, suiting his ‘father-like’ image. But it managed to fit the whole group regardless. 

Jaehyun and I squeezed into the van, which had enough room for the both of us. And the ten minute drive to the house wasn’t too quiet either. Boys were normally loud, regardless of age or whoever was in the car. 

“So (Y/N), finally joining in one of our parties, eh?”

“It’s not exactly a party if we’re just drinking and playing video games, Yuta,” Doyoung said, making the whole car burst into laughter. 

“Well, actually I can’t drink too much.”

“Why not? Age is nothing but a number, (Y/N). We won’t tell the cops.”

“Unless you want me to die Johnny, then I’ll take nine tequila shots.” The car was filled with more chuckles and laughs as more conversation went on. Soon, we arrived to Taeil’s house, getting out the car and piling up in his living room.

This went on for a couple of hours. The smell of alcohol in the air made me feel a bit heavy, but I went on. Jaehyun kept me by his side at all times in case something happened to me, but truthfully wherever he was, I couldn’t even breathe.

“It’s just us, Jae. I don’t need to be babysitted. I’m just gonna sit on the couch.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re like my baby sister. No way in heck I’m letting you out my sight.”

Being called baby sister made a pang of hurt run through my heart. Why did I hate being called that? I wasn’t ever like that to him. But instead of saying it outloud, I just kept quiet and stood next to him the whole time. Damn you mood swings. It was like that for the night, I stayed by him because well, I was told to and that I couldn’t sit anywhere else because of the smell of alcohol everywhere. They didn’t even drink that much, why was it so strong?

Even the smell of it coming from their cups made me gag a bit. My brain was swirling until Doyoung proposed we take a road trip up the hills on the outskirts of town. I could barely handle the smell of alcohol in the house, so I was relieved when he mentioned something about going outdoors. It was that moment that we headed into the car, piling in one by one. Then we realized that we didn’t have any space for me in the SUV.

“Damn, do we have to leave her here?”

“Shut up, no we don’t. Um… (Y/N)…” Jaehyun said as he patted his lap. Suddenly, my cheeks turned red. Why was my heart suddenly beating so fast? Why did it suddenly hurt? The car erupted in little cheers and ‘whoops’ as I took a seat on his lap, closing the door before it was locked by a pretty sober Taeyong. 

As conversation went on in the car, I looked out the window to calm myself from my surroundings. And then I was tapped on the shoulder. 

“Hey (Y/N), you don’t look too well. Do you wanted to be taken home?”

“Mmm, no.. I’m… I’m fine. Really. Just out of it for the night.”

“Are you sure? You’re really pale and slightly out of breath. Do you need the window opened a little?” Upon his words, the window opened just a bit to let in fresh cool air into the car, which made the breathing a bit easier on my part. 

“That’s better…Thank you, Jae.”

“Of course, whatever little miss sunshine so desires,” he said with a cheesy smile, patting my belly gently as another blush crept on my cheeks. Before anymore teasing or crude jokes could be thrown at us, we finally arrive on top a high hill. As we got out of the van, the air hit my senses. It relieved the my cloudy mind and my heavy heart, giving myself time to breath before I went over to what the boys were marveling about. And that’s when I spotted the most gorgeous view of the city. The different colors of light covered the area in dots, lines of neon decorated the night, and the beautiful dark blue sky complimented those random bursts of colors that changed every second.

And then I felt a pair of arms encircle around my waist, making me squeal and I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

“Ey, relax. It’s just me.”

“Dear god, why did you scare me like that?”

“Because it’s kinda cute~” His smile could make me faint at any moment. He was legit making my heart beat so fast that I could actually die. But why should I care if I pass out? Was this what it’s like to be in love? To the point where feelings were so strong, nothing else even mattered but the person who was holding you? It made my brain swirl again, to the point where I’m shaking in his arms. 

This kind-hearted boy next door stole my heart. I wouldn’t be afraid to admit that. And if anything could cure my heart from my sickness, it would be him. but why was I too chicken to say it outloud? I’m so afraid of telling him because even spilling my emotions was dangerous. I extreme emotion was too dangerous for me to admit or or even feel. But I’m only human.

“Jeez, did I jumpscare you that badly?” God, that voice. It was so sweet, sweeter than honey. And those gorgeous eyes. I could look into them forever and I would never find my way out of them. What did he see through his eyes? What was I to him?

“Why you say that?”

“Your heart is beating really fast, also that you’re really pale.”

‘Fuck, he noticed,’ my mind said. Did he know was going on?

“No, I’m fine. Swear.”

“Well, then I guess this is the perfect time to tell you this.” Suddenly, my heart skipped a couple beats. Was this real king happening? What if this was the end of our friendship? Someone who I suddenly became close to after my diagnosis? 

“(Y/N), do you think this is the perfect time to say I love you?”

Then suddenly, everything went dark. I couldn’t feel anything. But soon I woke up to the smell of latex. My eyes opened up slowly to a hospital room with only myself in it. 

“This place again?” I said to myself. The window’s blinds were drawn so I couldn’t see anything out of it. I’ve lost my sense of time. And the only noise I can hear was some quiet talking outside the room.

“What happened last night, Jaehyun?”

“We were just up on a hill and.. she just collapsed.”

“You do understand her condition right?”

“What? Why didn’t she tell me? I didn’t even know…”

My heart clenched and beated rapidly. I felt like I just betrayed my friend. I lied to him all this time and what kind of a friend does that make me? I hid my heart condition from him after all these months and I didn’t even have the heart to tell him what was wrong with me. My mood swings, why I was so introverted, and this. And to top it all off, I fell in love with him. But who would love someone who lied to them?

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, and then someone opened the door. I expected my parents to walk through, asking me if I was ok now, what was I feeling. But to my surprise, Jaehyun walked in. Was he gonna curse at me? Tell me why did I lie to him? Or even worse, why did he even tell me I love you.

“Hey..”

He was silent at my call to him. The sudden pause made the room feel awkward. The air was beginning to get heavy, almost hard for me to breathe. Then suddenly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The tears that built up in my eyes began to spill. I couldn’t hold the truth for much longer.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I lied about being ok. I know I should’ve told you sooner but I didn’t want you to worry about me… Please understand. Please don’t be mad at me…”

I choked through my words of apology. How would he even accept me? That was until I heard his own silent sobs. I looked up to see him at the edge of my bedside wiping up his own tears.

“Why did you hide it? I feel so guilty for bringing you with me last night…”

“But why do you feel so guilty? I lied to you about my health.”

“I feel guilty because I should’ve protected you. You couldn’t even breathe, (Y/N). I was so scared of the fact that you could’ve died.”

The tears stopped falling from my eyes. I could only stare at him as he turned his head to get a better look at me. I must look like a mess from the way he looked at me. But then he cracked a little smile at me, reaching over to my hair to tuck it behind my ear. 

“Hey now. You’re so pretty when you cry. But you would look even more beautiful if you didn’t.”

A sudden chuckle came out of my lips, wiping up my tears and holding onto his hand with my free one. I didn’t even hold hands with him before. It felt like it fit in my own.

“That’s so cheesy.”

“You know it, babe.” Woah. Babe? How faster could my heart get?

“Jae? Is it this the perfect time to say I love you?”

After getting discharged from the hospital after three days, I went back to school pretty strong. The average looks from everybody staring at me, judging me, and probably worse. It was all back to normal. Or so I thought. Jaehyun wasn’t there and neither was his friend group. Everything felt out of place.

That was until Sicheng and Yuta came up to me before I went home for the day and handed me a blindfold.

“This better not be some prank, Yuta.”

“Why do I always get in trouble?”

“That’s besides the point. Anyway, just put on the blindfold, promise we won’t kill you. You’ll like what we prepared~”

“For the first time in forever, I never would trust Sicheng.”

Hesitantly, I put it on. I reached my hands out until I smacked someone, hearing a little ‘ow’ before I was guided somewhere. It seemed like we headed down the atrium to a case of stairs, seeming like it was taking forever. My heart began to weaken a bit, but before I could give in, I was guided through a door. A sudden breeze brushed past me and through my hair. But the air still felt warm. And then my blindfold was taken off to reveal that I was on top of the roof.

“But why would you two take me here?”

“Turn around and see for yourself.”

I took their word and I turned to see Jaehyun on a stool with a guitar. He has never looked so beautiful. So perfect. But what made my heart beat even faster is the fact that the song he sang was the my favorite love song. I didn’t even realize that I got closer to him, his features gotten more defined as I came closer and closer. His voice we even more perfect as he sang to me. What did this all mean?

But as he ended his song, his hand reached out to cup my face. His hands were so warm. And he pulled me close to his face, and our lips touched. His lips were even warmer. 

The sudden cheers and ‘whoops’ made me pull back in embarrassment, hiding behind my hands as my heart began to race. In a good way of course. And then, Jaehyun suddenly spoke.

“For the last few months, this gorgeous young lady has stolen my heart from day one. She’s someone who unexpectedly became my best friend, who understood what it was like to be in pain. But what made her strong was the fact that she was able to pull through, just for me and for her family. She even hid the fact that she was in pain, just for me to not worry about her. And then she was able to see the brightside of life, why she should live longer, and why it was worth it. Because she was worth something to the boy next door who didn’t know that he needed her. (Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes. Yes yes yes, a thousand times yes!”

Even through my misery and pain, after all what I believed my life was, I finally found someone else who was worth all my love and all my life.

#nct scenarios #nct secnario #nct 127 scenarios #nct u scenarios #jaehyun #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun scenarios #nct 127 scenario #nct u scenario #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #kpop scenario #kpop scenarios

[firephox]

Why are you reblogging mental illness posts, you of all privileged people don't know what real mental illness is.

I don’t know where you are getting I am “privileged” from, and mental illness comes in all forms. I drove myself fucking insane and still contemplate suicide to this day. I’m going to share my story with you, Anon, in hopes that you are listening. I’m going to add a “read more” because it’s going to be a long one. I’m only sharing this so people like you will understand that mental illness is a struggle. 

My parents were very mentally abusive and strict, preventing me from doing any normal teenage activities and even going so far as to monitor my texts. I had to delete my facebook app whenever they asked to check my phone. They wouldn’t let me leave the house from the ages of 10-17 unless I was going to school. I never got to experience normal teenage life which caused me to develop severe anxiety, depression and dissociative disorder.I couldn’t even do extra curricular activities because my mother wouldn’t let me stay after school. My mother wouldn’t even let me take the city bus, which was quicker, so I had to take the school bus with a bunch of middle schoolers. I wasn’t even allowed to get my drivers license. I don’t know why, she just kept saying I wasn’t allowed. She stayed up really late at night too so I couldn’t even sneak out or escape. 

My mother was ByPolar, and had PTSD, and refused to get treatment. When she was in her “bad” moments, she would get extremely angry over the littlest things. Like once I forgot to refill the ice trays and she got so mad that she threw them across the kitchen into the sink and started going on about “how she does so much for us and that we were ungrateful brats”. That was just one of the hundreds of incidents living with my ByPolar parent. Now that I am an adult I am too afraid to do anything on my own and always fear if my mother will be mad if I do something. Her issues began ruining her marriage, and she became so bitter that she drove my father away, and into the arms of another woman. My mother was very mentally abusive and drove him insane. My parents fought a lot, sometimes until 6 AM and my father had to get up for work at 7. I could never sleep because of the fighting half the time. I never really liked my father because he was barely around, but I felt so bad for him. My mother also favored my little sister a lot more and never ever disciplined my little brother. he has since become a spoiled brat. I used to always get in trouble if anything happened to him and he would always rat me out for every single thing I did. I never had a good relationship with my siblings. It was always a battle for who could be the best child and get all the attention. 

We grew up poor, and lived in a mobile home in the “shitty” part of town. The drywall on my ceiling caved in once and we found mold everywhere in the insulation. Every year during the spring I had a massive leak in my wall so the water would stream down like a waterfall. It would have costed too much to fix so we just dealt with a shitty house. My highschool was all the way on the other side of town and was a 20 minute drive every morning and afternoon. During the 11th grade, I wasn’t allowed to take the school bus anymore and she had to drive me to school, but she hated mornings and half the time she slept in so I missed a lot of school. Which led to a lot of missed classes and a lot of homework. My mother never answered the phone to numbers she didn’t know, and she never ever went to my parent teacher interviews, so when the school would call it didn’t matter. 

I started making friends in the 9th grade, a single friend who I miss very dearly. Lets call her… Julie. We both loved anime and art, I learned a lot of my techniques from her. One time she texted me saying she was going to the movies and really wanted me to go see Divergent with her, but my mother was taking a nap and I would have gotten in shit if I woke her up to ask. So I didn’t bother. I cried. Julie was such a good friend and threw a massive sleepover party during that summer with some other friends, and really wanted me to come, but yet again, I had to make an excuse because my mother would never let me stay at “strangers” house. They posted pictures on facebook of them hanging out at the waterpark and camping in their backyard. I cried because of that too. Those were just a couple incidents with Julie. I hung out with her at school a lot though. We had some good times during lunch and art class. 

The 10th grade was… okay, I had a great English teacher (Mrs. B) who really liked me and told me my writing was amazing. She even offered to publish a short story I had written, but I declined. She was the only teacher I had ever had that praised me for something. My science teacher (Mr. S) on the other hand was a prick. If I came to class 2 minutes late he would kick me out and tell me I was never going to succeed in life and that I would be homeless or living in my mother’s basement. He never believed you if you said you had learning disabilities or couldn’t understand something. If you got an answer wrong, he would make fun of you in front of the whole class. He also did not believe that art was a job and would degrade students who enjoyed it. I was finishing a sketch for art class in my science class once and he actually took my sketch book from me and locked it in his desk. I never got it back. I worked really hard on it too. I failed his class and was forced to enter a science class for “slow” children. That crushed my self esteem 100%. I also failed Mrs. M’s Math class that year because I literally cannot even comprehend times tables. I’m so stupid. 

During the late end of the 10th grade, I got a friend request on Facebook from a guy. His name can be… James. He began messaging me and apparently he was a student in the same English class as me and we had the same interests. We were also mutual friends. We became friends and slowly he introduced me to his group of friends who all sat at the same table during lunch. They played Magic, D&D, and other card games, and I felt so happy because I finally knew some people who also played these games. I didn’t realize that slowly I was leaving my old friend Julie for these new kids. I think that really hurt her and I am sorry. So James and I began talking more and more on FB messenger and at lunch. 

Over the summer we sent each other thousands of messages. Probably hitting the 11,000 mark. I began to depend on his messages because they gave me comfort when my parent’s were fighting or when I felt like dying. Soon I began to feel very stir crazy locked in my own house because I was not allowed to go anywhere unless my mother was with me. I became so depressed that I would curl into a fetal position on my floor and cry until my lungs hurt. Quietly however, as I was terrified to think what would have happened if my mother heard me crying. The only time away I got from myself was when I would take my dog for a walk. That was the only time I was allowed to leave the house. I rescued my dog, and my mom hated the dog because she barked and was too big. That dog probably saved my life countless times, she would snuggle with me every time I wanted to kill myself. She was a big 120 pound akita mix, who was very protective of me, but she was not friendly so I would have to hike for an hour into the deep woods just to let her off the leash. She was always attached to me and would whine and bark when I got into arguments with my mom. I remember once just hiking until I was lost, flopping down in the snow, and looking up at the evening sky with my dog sitting beside me. My dissociative disorder was so bad then it always felt like nothing was real and that I was in a dream. The trees didn’t even look real, but I knew they were trees. The snowflakes falling didn’t even feel like they were coming near me. 

James began asking if we could hang out, and I would always have to come up with excuses. When the 11th grade picked up, I found out I was in James’ History class and started to like him. I became so attached to him that I actively depended on him. I fell so hard for him that I literally couldn’t even look at him. This was bad. Art class that year I became friends with a punk, rebelious girl named Shelly. She was hot and influenced me very badly. She had a boyfriend and would actually message me selfies with condoms every time she was going to have sex. I was only friends with her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying I didn’t want to hang out. This, paired with what was going on at home was bullshit. She would cut her wrists and legs for attention and tell everyone about it and make it seem like she was so emo. She was never really depressed, she did it for show and actually told me that. 

She negatively influenced my life so much, I began skipping my science and math classes just to hang out with her around town. I only did this because my mother would never have caught me since our house was all the way on the other side of town. she even forced me to try smoking weed once and I don’t know what the hell it was laced with but my heart began palpitating so much I could see it on my chest and I had a severe panic attack. I don’t even remember what the fuck happened after that I just remember coming to in my English class. 

I got a job working at a fast food restaraunt and bought myself a cheap laptop and wacom tablet. I would skip my lunch and 3rd period class just to hang out with James, he ended up manipulating me into things I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to miss my art classes, but it was the period that James had a free block so he would usually walk home. I began going with him. I really hate talking about this part, since it’s really what hurt me the most. His parents worked during the day, so when I would skip class to go home with him, the house would be empty. It was friendly at first, and we would just watch tv or play games. He wasn’t the nicest person either, he would make fun of me sometimes. I told him I wanted to be a Journalist but he said they never made any money and I should pick a job that society really needs. Those weren’t the only times he was a dick. 

Eventually it led to things happening that I wasn’t ready for. I went along with it because I was afraid of losing him, and that security. I felt awful. So far as to lose my virginity to him. I didn’t want to and it was very painful. I even said no, but he insisted. This is so cringey and awkward to explain. He was like 6′1″ and heavily build, and I was 5′1″ and maybe 120 at the time. It was so awkward to walk back to school after that and then get picked up by my mother haha. After that time we messaged on facebook for another week and suddenly we stopped talking. It was nearly the end of the school year and he would avoid me every time I saw him. He was so ahead in History class that he didn’t even need to go so I never saw him again. I wondered if it was something I did or said that made him hate me. Ugh… I regret it to this day and I still haven’t told anyone. My mother makes me feel so bad about it and highly degrades women who have sex before marriage. I was 16 and lonely! 

Over the summer after the 11th grade, I fell into a dark place. Like really dark. I had all these emotions and no one to talk to. My mother would just judge me and punish me for it. Oh my god I’m even terrified of writing this in fear she will find it. I began bursting out in tears for no reason, staying awake all night and going a week without showering. I would get out of breath just walking and I was always tired. Deeply emotionally exhausted. I would begin making food and give up because It wasn’t worth it, I would look at a sharp object and picture myself stabbing it into my body. I wondered if it really hurt. I even found some baneberries growing in our yard and really thought about eating them since they were highly toxic as stupid as that sounds. I couldn’t even get help for my severe depression and still can’t because that would mean therapy and my mother would need to know why. 

So I ended up dropping out of highschool. I couldn’t face going back to that highschool because I was pretty sure he had spread rumors about me. My “friends” just never looked at me the same. I was out of school for a while and my mother got very, very mentally abusive. She would tell me I was ungrateful and explode over every little slip up that I did. She would freak out and say things like “You don’t want to go to school and you don’t want to work so what the fuck do you want”. Which it was those types of things she would do that really hurt me. I never once raised my voice to my mother, we had some arguments but they were pretty one sided, I wasn’t allowed to say anything to her or disagree with her. I was out of school for a few weeks into grade 12 as well, until I heard about a 2nd chance highschool for troubled students. It was right across the road from my old highschool, and everyone always made fun of it and said it was a school for dumb kids. I decided to check it out and I ended up signing up. It was weird at first, since it was set up like a group home, but the school work was a lot easier and I actually understood the math. I felt at ease for once. I was getting a lot done. Until the end of the year rolled around and everyone at the regular highschools were getting ready for grad. No one understands the pain you feel when you see pictures on top of pictures on facebook of your old classmates and friends with their grad dresses and accepting their diplomas and you didn’t get to. I wanted to walk on that stage and prove to the teachers that I was better than they said. I wanted to have fun trying on grad dresses. I wanted to show them that I beat mental illness as I accepted my diploma, but unfortunately I didn’t. It is still very relevant and some of us can’t get help until our situations change. I fucking cried my eyes out when I saw pictures of them having fun at grad. I wish I could go back and redo my entire highschool life. I’m legal age now, so I can’t even go back and get my highschool education without paying a hefty price for it. Lesson learned people, don’t give up on education. It really is important. 

I didn’t want to write this but eh, it made me feel a little better. That was my story of how mental illness ruined my life, and how I let it. Anon, if you are reading this, fuck off. 

#mental illness #please don't reblog #this was really hard to talk about