there's a scream clawing inside my throat, tears that push against my eyes. And yet there is nothing I can do. I am tired. The numbness and exhaustion has settled so deep within me it feels like the very seams of my existence weep for a rest.
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Idk what is more exhausting - being sick all the damn time OR constantly having to explain to everyone what is wrong with me (because they keep forgetting that I'm chronically ill and doctors aren't helping me.)
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Vent below the cut
My poor puppy has gotten worse. The hives have come right back even with constant at home care. It’s time for an emergency visit but no money until the 3rd and even then I barely receive enough to survive. Yay, disability.
Sigh. Life is so hard. Sometimes I just want to give up. And this is probably sad but I don’t because idk who would take care of my dogs.
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My soul feels so drained, but it’s only Tuesday.
What have I done this week? Gone to school, attempt to not be awkward, figure around my YouTube Channel’s future, Made half of the Sesame Street Characters into the Sims 4 Characters, Audition to be a dancer in a school musical, barely ate meals, regret life choices, explained Sesame Street lore to my Dad and now I just sleep. Although, it doesn’t seem much, I feel that it’s a lot. I also haven’t mentioned battling depressive episodes and having memories from the happiest point of my life (December 2019 - March 2021) replay OVER AND OVER AGAIN! Those nostalgic times can’t leave me alone, I just want some peace. I want to enjoy things. I want to grow up.
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Hi friends,
Just wanted to let everyone know that I’m gonna be a little out of it for the next few days. Death TW under the cut
I learned today that a family friend passed away yesterday. We had a painful relationship and the whole situation is bringing up difficult feelings for me. I’ve got a lot of stuff queued up (including drabbles), but don’t feel offended if I’m not responding to fic reviews/asks/DMs right away. It’s sad girl hours rn
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don't write while sleep deprived, kids
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My heart is tired, too tired every day I wake it feels like part me is dead and I'm just dragging along a dead body , I'm hurting to the very fibers of my being . The type that rest done even help.
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why do i have to do homework i just wanna listen to podcasts
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Red heart and a Blue moon..
The first chill of fall
Breeze that brings goosebumps
A red heart and a blue moon
I’m here with you
Staring at the sun during an eclipse
Light seared in my eyes
Made everything seem bright
But what if you were just a blue moon
With a tinge of honesty
But lies were Lurking
in the murky waters beneath
Waiting for a chance to pounce
on their prey
To grip my red heart
Take your claws and
Rip my organs out
Kill me without a frown in sight
Devour my lungs, choke them down
You’re ravenous and I’m enticing
You think that this is exciting
I’m screaming while I watch
You consume my flesh and blood
You have earplugs in
Listening to your favorite song
My blood stains the sweater I bought
At a thrift store with my grandmother
My hair is loose on the ground
In clumps, bloody at the root
My ears been cut off
With a jagged piece of a mirror
And the edges are dripping with poison
I’m already infected
I can feel the disease spreading
Throughout my entire body
I cough red
I bleed endlessly
My clothes are torn
My soul is leaving me
I see stars and a blue moon
And grasped in their hand
Is my red heart
I don’t know how to feel about this view
I wish we were already past this part
Cannibalistic and deadly
Your actions will end me
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