#my stupid brain can't work properly the last time ^^'

[yestrday]

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who has his eye on you ever since you two entered college. a young, bright-eyed thing who moved from the boonies to the big city at a chance to find out more of the world beyond your farmlands and vast expanses of grass. who noted with wry amusement the pep in your step and the twinkle in your eye as you sit in the front row like a good student with an eagerness to learn.

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who you approach with a stunning and naive smile. you're asking him for notes, the professor being too fast for your hands to properly take notes. he asks for your sns and sends you the pics of his note, and you eagerly thank him while unaware of the glint in his eye at this opportunity.

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who scrolls through your social media and collects information about the kind of person you are. you know little about the world, but you're eager to learn more. your comments sections are full of relatives and friends congratulating you on you enrollment in the big city, and your cheery replies of thanks and acknowledgment. yuta chuckles as he sets aside his phone, eyes still trained on your back. how cute.

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who continues keeping an eye on you. you keep asking him for notes because your cute lil brain just can't keep up, and he notes the waver in your smile when he shows off a little bit of his intellect. from how casual he is about his studies yet still getting high marks, the distance between you two is obvious. but there's still a spark of determination in your eyes—

— until prefinal grades come around and he sees you staring blankly at your phone. yuta angles his phone on purpose to let you get a glimpse of his, and he marvels at how bleaker your expression becomes. all your hard work... all your enthusiasm and eagerness... for nothing? have you always been this stupid? you were... you were always the brightest in your local school...

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who watches you throw yourself into your studies more than ever. you don't have that pep in your stel anymore, your eyes have become dull and beavy, and no one can strike a conversation with you because you're always asleep. yuta is your only companion, angling your head on his shoulder so that you can rest more comfortably, leveling onlookers with a stern stare as he shushes them with a finger.

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who watches your eyes lose the last of their light when midterm grades come. your fingers are trembling as you clutch your phone, and you bite your lip to avoid the tears spilling out. yuta puts a comforting hand over yours, and you slowly clutch his shirt. "i did my best, didn't i?" you ask. yuta hums, hand on your neck. "... i did, didn't i?"

COLLEGE CLASSMATE! YUTA who is your only point of contact for the rest of the finals. you don't even try. instead, you cling to yuta like he's your last chance at validation. you preen at his compliments, blush when he says he likes your outfit. the only time the light comes back to your eyes is when his attention is on you, and you feel a sugary rush in your veins whenever he smiles at you.

you, who does nothing for their schoolwork but instead focus on making yuta happy. you latch onto him like a clingy girlfriend, and he's more than happy for you to do so. while he studies for the upcoming exams, you're cuddled up on his lap, keeping him warm for the winter months. he pats your head and rubs your temple as you doze off to sleep.

sometimes when you voice the need to study, yuta shushes such needless concerns away. "you don't need to think so much," he whispers, scratching your scalp and he watches you preen. "aren't you happy right now? with me?"

you nuzzle into his touch, eyes fluttering shut under his touch. "... yeah."

"good," he hums, kissing you on the forehead. "then don't think of anything else but me."

#yandere yuta okkotsu #yandere jujutsu kaisen #sorry i typed this out in a rush im really so low energy abt my studies #i dont know what to do anymore..... #im so.... tired #yester.shorts #i need someone to pat me and make me forget abt everythibg #yandere x reader #soft yandere #yanderecore #yandere jjk #yuta okkotsu #jujutsu kaisen

[eustasskidagenda]

anon asked: Hi sweetie, My brain just can't get over the idea of Kid being pegged, I mean, everything is so 'grabable" on his body. So could you write an OS or drabble about this? With a female reader. Maybe Kid would have that kink after a certain time in their relationship, according to your NSFW alphabet. With maybe some overstimulation, hair pulling and spanking as additional kinks? And if it's possible, could you write this with Kid being pegged for the first time? I think it's can be interesting! Last, please, can you write him as extra tough/bratty but his attitude breaks bc he can't handle how good it feels. I hope my request was understandable, I don't know how to explain myself properly. Tysm for your time and anon please

Hi! Well, that was an interesting request! And you’re so damn right, Kid's body is so grabbable. It was quite fun to write, Kid is such a brat, I love him so much :D Sorry for the long wait (my back is still injured) and thank you for requesting, I hope I did the job correctly :D ☆

☆Eustass Kid getting pegged for the first time

CW : MDNI, smut, f!reader, pegging, overstimulation, hair pulling, spanking, praises (bc Kid lives for praises), established relationship, Kid has a filthy mouth, Kid is a big brat, kind of virginity loss kink I guess (?), fingering & oral sex (Kid receiving), dirty talk, rough sex

WC : around 4K. I know it's really long, but I wanted to develop a bit Kid's mindset. Hope you don't mind the length!`

Kid is everything, but not submissive. It's written on his face, and the moment you met him, you immediately knew that he would always be in control of absolutely everything. Including in the bedroom. And you never tried to change that, because Kid knows what he's doing. You crave the sensations of his hands gripping your waist and his huge body pressing against yours. However, in the back of your mind, a fantasy always refused to leave your spirit. Your giant, hot-headed boyfriend, moaning and begging while you fuck him. So, once, you tried to talk him about pegging, and you earned nothing, but a dark, mad scowl and a "no" yelled loudly."I'm not a wimp, y/n, no one will ever fuck me. I ain't no bottom bitch." That's what he said. And you know Kid is a stubborn mess, so you never tried to bring the subject up again.

It was five years ago. 

Your mind is still filled with this fantasy. So, a few days ago, you tried again to convince your stubborn boyfriend. It was in the middle of a passionate make-out session, and you caught him off-guard. Initially, you believed that he would yell at you once more. However, he simply scowled and frowned. "You're so goddamn stubborn, I thought you would forget about this stupid idea." And then, he shrugged. "You better take the bigger size, I'm not a fucking pussy." 

You still don't realize that he actually said 'yes'. In his language, with a lot of cursing and arrogance, but he did accept. It took him five years to gain sufficient trust in you. What a challenge. That's what you think as you relax on the huge bed and read a book that Kid stole for you. You're waiting for him, actually. Kid is probably locked in his workshop, working on some random weapon or new arm improvement. 

Suddenly, the door hits the wall. "You're not sleeping yet?" He asks, closing the door behind him. He's still wearing his goggles and his lips are painted with your favorite red lipstick. And on his skin, some stains of oil. "Gonna take a shower, I'll be right back soon." You laugh softly. "Fine, but don't remove your makeup yet." He mutters 'I don't take orders from anyone' before slamming the door once more.

When he comes back with make-up still on his face, you can't help but smile. He listened to you. Locking the door with a kick, Kid drops his heavy coat on the ground, cracks his neck, and crawls on the bed. He immediately wraps his hands around your waist. "Come here. I want to fuck my pretty girlfriend." He sits you on his lap and holds your hips firmly. As he smears his lipstick on your neck, you shudder and put your face against his neck. Kid slides his hand and firmly gropes your ass. "Mine," he growls, squeezing your bottom. "I want to see that pretty ass, undressed and get on all fours," 

You raise an amused eyebrow. "No, I won't." He scowls, irritated by your teasing expression. You roam your hands along Kid's broad chest. "You're the one getting on all fours this time." He scoffs. A low chuckle rumbles up from his chest as he gazes at you. "You're being feisty tonight?" He squeezes your ass tighter. "No. I didn't forget what you said. I chose the larger size. So, will you let me fuck you?" 

Totally flushed, Kid scoffs once more. "Goddam, y/n" You can almost see the gears of his brain working quickly. "Why are you so obsessed with this thing?" He groans, still holding your cheeks and squeezing them like if it were a stress ball. "Because you're hot. And you know where your prostate is, right, Eustass?" Kid scowls at you. "I'm not stupid, y/n." You gently touch the corner of his lips with a kiss. "So let me pleasure you." 

You take off his goggles and his red hair falls free on his forehead. He's as beautiful and fierce as ever, gazing at you with his amber eyes. He forces you to sit on his lap while he thinks. And his laps make quite a beautiful throne to sit on. Your heart is racing and you're hoping Kid won't change his mind. You need to see that large, massive body, shivering under your touch. There's something so exciting about the idea of fucking such a big, tough, and rude man as Kid. "Y/n, I swear on everything I have: if you ever try to tell to anyone what I'm about to do… I'll fucking kill you. And I'm not even kidding."

Damn, you know he's not kidding.

Kid cares way too much about his reputation. He's so touchy and sensitive whenever someone tries to deny his status or powers. So, abandoning his dominant position is not easy for his stubborn mind. He must really cares about you. Your dear captain only knows the hard way. His strong spirit was the only thing he had as a poor child, when he used to fight for almost everything. That's why he toughens up so much. Right now, he seems much more human. There's a hint of anxiety in his eyes. Maybe he loves you, but people have betrayed him so many times, he can't help but be a bit distrustful. "Eustass, I won't tell anyone, even Killer. It's between you and me, I swear. " Kid sighs deeply. " Goddam woman… fine." 

Relieved, you kiss his lips softly. As a punk, Kid always craved for non-conformism. You noticed really soon that he was always curious to try things considered 'weird' by society. But you never thought he would let you peg him. Your heart is brimming with excitement, pride, and impatience. You squirm to escape the strong grasp of your boyfriend and reach for the nightstand .Kid watches closely as you grab the lube and the strap-on. You didn't lie; you chose the larger size. Kid glances at the toy for a long moment, but remains quiet. 

"Alright, come here and lie back." Immediately, Kid raises an eyebrow. "You want me to take orders from you? Ain’t no fucking way" Ah yes. Kid. Constantly bratty and hot-headed. "Come on, Eustass." You gently try to push him on his back, but he doesn't move, struggling with his inner thoughts. "Let me pleasure you." As you press your palms harder against his chest, he snarls and eventually lies back, completely tensed. You reach for his belt and he pushes your hand. "I can do that myself," he grunts, taking off his shirt, unbuckling his belts and unbuttoning his pants. 

Damn, what a sight to watch at Eustass Kid's naked body. Muscular shoulders, broad and toned chest, abs as hard as the stone, big and grabbable thighs, and that perfect muscular, round booty. "Your name is so accurate, Eust-ass", you laugh as his face turns as red as his hair. "Shut up and do your fucking job," he barks aggressively. He's trying to hide his flustered state. How cute.

Your hand reaches for his already hard cock and you firmly wrap your hands around the thick girth. Kid bucks his hips, eager for more friction. "You're so hard. Are you actually turn on by the situation?" His cock twitches in your palms. "You know what? You should shut the fuck up. Why won't you suck my cock?" He grins and grabs your hair. Damn, even now, he can't help but give your orders. Kid smirks as you comply, content with himself. "That's it, take it all." His cock is throbbing with needs as he pushes deeper down your throat. You can already taste his pre-cum in your mouth.

You keep sucking him while reaching for the lube, spreading it on your fingers, and guiding your fingers against his tight hole. Kid tenses automatically. "Just do it, I'm not a pussy," he mutters. With a wet sound, you remove his cock from your mouth. "Eustass, just to be sure: have you already been fucked in the ass before?" 

Now, even his neck is red. "Hell no. Do I fucking look like a guy who likes being fucked all the fucking days?" He snarls, his pride stinging. His thoughts are filled with lust as he feels your hands on him, making his heart race. "Now what?" You don't answer and continue to run your hands along his muscular thighs, grabbing them to widen his legs. "You're so pretty for me." Kid lets out a low, growling sigh, his cock twitching with the need. "Don't call me pretty. And fuck me, I'm dying of impatience" 

"Fine, fine. You're needy." You gently tease him, spreading his ass cheeks to take a look at this hole clenching around nothing. Eustass tenses under your touch. "Don't fucking look at my ass like that" he growls, squirming nervously. "Why not?" You whisper, kissing his inner thighs and squeezing his muscular flesh. With your lips, you trace all of his scars and curves. "Because I'm not some fucking object for you to gawk at!" Kid roars, shoving your hands away from his ass. "Now, are you going to fuck me or what?"

You can't help but chuckle. He's such a hot-headed mess. Even more stubborn, yelling and aggressive than usual. Your poor boyfriend is really flustered and turned-on by this situation. The unknown is something he finds unpleasant because he can't control it. "Don't worry, I'll fuck you soon. Let me prepare and stretch you first." You're rubbing your fingers against his entrance, as you say. "Prepare me?" He sneers, his voice thick with disbelief and irritation. "I'm not some delicate flower" He continues to protest, but his heart is racing at the thought of being filled with the massive strap you choose. "Stop being so bratty." You sigh, apply more lube to your fingers, and spread it on Kid's entrance. " Just breathe and relax for me." You gently push two lubricate fingers inside him. His warmth and tightness immediately surround you. With a shiver, Kid groans and grabs the bedsheets. His head, neck, and shoulders are all flushed. 

Kid groans as you keep teasing the tip of his cock with your free hand. The double-stimulations is too much for his body to handle. You gently push your fingers deeper, savoring your boyfriend's low grunts and how he clenches around you. So needy already. "You're doing okay, babe?" You ask teasingly, curling your fingers and rubbing his prostate. Kid grabs the bedsheets tightly. Right now, he looks so vulnerable; he doesn't have his prosthetic arm. Just his bare body covered with scars and his big thighs trembling crazily. "Don't call me 'babe'" he grunts, bucking his hips against your hands, eager for more of your touch. It's almost hilarious how hard he tries to hide the moans of pleasure that threaten to escape his lips. "Look like you're enjoying yourself" you tease, stimulating his prostate. "Fuck!" Kid groans, his body arching off the bed. "Just get it over with, I can't get much fore of your goddamn teasing!" he growls, his voice laced with need. 

Eustass 'Captain' Kid is finally begin to break down.

That is so fascinating to watch such a big and scary man, so needy and almost begging for more. Begging to actually be fucked. You continue to finger him and he yells, his eyes rolling back in his head as the sensation shot straight to his cock. The pre-cum is leaking onto your fingers and his stomach as his member throbs in your hand. Kid's body trembles, betraying his arousal despite his best efforts to maintain control and the tough boy-attitude. "Just fuck me," he growls impatiently. 

"Okay. Then, get on your hands and knees." You demand, taking your fingers off. "No." 

"Why, no?" 

He frowns. Of course. He won't obey. No one can commands the great Eustass "Captain" Kid. You sigh, half-amused and half-annoyed by his stubbornness. Despite his dislike for orders, what if you simply guide him with your hands? Perhaps he will comply. Holding his hips with firm yet gentle hands, you attempt to roll him onto his stomach. But you can't move his big, heavy body if he's not willing to obey. Kid glances at you for a long time, and when you finally break the eye contact, he huffs and rolls on his stomach. Your heart is racing at the sight of his muscular back. Some scars are running down his spine. Both the small of his back and his ass are incredibly juicy. You can feel yourself becoming increasingly wet as you imagine the moment you will finally fuck him and drive him crazy. 

Still with your hands, you try to move him on all fours. Kid growls and arches his back. But he can't really stay on all fours with his missing arm, so he ends up with his head buried in the pillow and his ass perfectly raised in your direction. The position he's in is so helpless and vulnerable that it makes your throat feel a bit dry. He must really trust you to be so exposed. "You can breath at least?" He turns his head. "Of course I can, just fuck me."

He glances across his shoulders as you put on your strap-on and spread some lube on the fake cock. Kid asked for it to be both large and long, and it is. His spirit of competition is quite amusing, but you hope he'll be fine. You give a playful spank to Kid's amazing, muscular ass and enjoy the nice jiggling. It's only fair to give him a light spanking because it's his favorite activity when you're on all fours.

By pressing on the small of his back, you force him to bend more, enough to spread his ass cheeks without your hands. Then, you gently rub the cockhead of the toy against his tight entrance. Kid eyes roll back in his head as he feels the cold rubber head pressing against his hole. "Hurry up and fuck me, damn it! He grumbles with a voice full of desire and impatience. His cock throbbing between his legs shows that he's ready. "Just relax and let me in," your orders before starting to push the massive toy inside him. "Fuck", Kid hisses out between clenched teeth, his body shuddering from the intrusion. He tries to manage his breathing, and he feels the thick head of the dildo stretching his entrance further. "Shit…" he cries out, as the cockhead finally passes his tight ring of muscles. His body instinctively fights back. You soothe him with one hand while gripping his hips firmly with the other. "Just breathe, Eustass. You're doing so good. Just a little more and it will all be inside. " Kid grabs the bedsheets with his hand, his whole body shaking and covered in a slight coat of sweat. As Kid finally relaxes, you manage to push the big toy deeper into him.  "You're taking me so well, Eustass." You purr, watching the thick girth of the strap sink completely inside him, stretching his ass widely. "That shit is so fucking big," he groans out, his body shaking with the sensation of being filled so deeply. His ass walls are tightly clamped around the toy. "That's what you wanted" you laugh playfully, squeezing his ass. You can’t believe you’re finally filling him up to the hilt.

"Shit! I know. Just fuck me, I can handle it." Even as it overwhelms his senses, he cannot deny the pleasure that surges through him. Seeing him with a completely flustered face would be wonderful, but you know that he's probably more comfortable that way, with you taking him from behind. If you are unable to see his expressions, he may be more willing to let it go and indulge in the pleasure.

Your entire body is aching. It's too much for you. Kid is so perfect, so pretty, on all fours for you. His muscular body offers to your hands and thrusts. You had no idea that he would allow you to realize one of your most significant fantasies. Now, you have to take good care of him and prove to him how good it can be to be fucked. Maybe he will accept to do it again if he's convincing enough.

You gently start to thrust, sliding in and out with ease thanks to all the lube. The amount of lube is making some wet, obscene sounds with each thrust. Kid grunts, almost moans and tries to hide it behind a curse word as you move your hips. Your hands move from his waist to his ass, and you grab it firmly. You spank the firm flesh playfully. "So perfect" you whisper while thrusting. Kid groans lowly as you continue to plunge the toy into his ass. "You look so beautiful when I’m inside you." Kid sighs. "Can you stop babbling and actually starts to fuck me for real?" He tries to keep his moans under control, his teeth tightening tightly. 'Fuck," he mutters, his voice thick with need and desire. " Damn Eustass, you're taking me so well. You're so beautiful, I-"

" Harder " Kid grunts, silencing you. " I can take it, fuck me harder." You give another spanking to his ass, which slowly turns red. Kid bites the bedsheets, smearing his lipstick everywhere on the pillow and on the mattress. As you speed up your thrusts, Kid bites the bedsheets more firmly to muffle his moans. The sensations are too intense, the pleasure is too overwhelming for his poor mind. He can't think clearly, and is slowly starting to lose his tough-guy attitude. It's tempting to tease him about his pretty, husky moans. He's such a whimpering mess. But you shut up. It's obvious to you that he would feel mocked and humiliated. And you want him to trust you. It's beautiful to watch him indulge in a new world of sensations. With each hard thrust, the inner ring of the strap grinds against your clit, and you moan as well, digging your nails into Kid's ass. "You should see how your hole is swallowing all of me." The mind totally dizzy, your boyfriend doesn't react and just bucks his hips, eager for more friction, more roughness. "Yeah yeah i get it; you love my ass. Just fuck me harder," he begs again impatiently. His body is trembling as his mind still tries to fight against the pleasure washing over him. His cock twitch violently, releasing pre-cum as it throbs in response to your thrusts. "Fuck," he repeats, moaning. Burying his head in the pillow, he bites it. You know, his lipstick is probably all over the white bedsheets. You spank his ass playfully, speeding up your thrusts. "Damn, you were right Eustass, you're taking me so well. You like how wide it stretches you?"

The slapping sounds of the skin fill the room as Kid turns into a whimpering, almost whiny mess. It's difficult for him to handle how good you're stretching him and how nice the toy is rubbing his prostate. You continue to thrust, chasing your own highs. The rubber ring is stimulating your clit just nice, not to mention the amazing view of your boyfriend on all fours and at your mercy. The fake balls of the toy slaps against Kid’s balls. With one hand, you still hold his hips firmly. With the other, you pull on his hair, fucking him deeper. His face is completely red, his eyes are almost wet, and his lipstick is smeared on his chin and cheek. Amazed by this sight, your pussy ache in need. You already know how beautiful Kid looks when he can't handle how tight your cunt is. But that. It's beyond all expectations. The slight pain from his hair being pulled and his ass being spanked only add to his arousal, his cock throbbing with need. All he can mutter is a long, long strand of'shit' and 'fuck'. 

Kid buries his head back in the pillow after you release his head. His ass is red from both your spanking and the roughness of your hips when slamming against his. Amazed by the way his body is completely swallowing the toy, you too moan. You reach for his chest, squeezing his large tiddies. Your breast bounces crazily with each hard thrust and Kid's body just jolts of pleasure. You know he won't take much more. So you reach for his cock and as soon as you touch it, Kid cum violently, arching his back, curling his toes and making a mess on the bedsheets. The pleasure just washes over him. But you don't stop, still chasing your own highs. "Fuck!" Kid groans again, his body shuddering from the intense release. His massive frame falls stomach-first on the bed. The friction between his sensitive cock and the mattress is causing him to squirm and jerk. "Damn, Y/N!" He grips the bedsheets more tightly and pants heavily. The way you're overstimulating his sensitive walls and prostate is too much to handle.

"Almost there", you whisper, and finally, you feel the pleasure running through your veins. Your loud boyfriend can't help but cum once more, his eyes rolling back in his head, short-circuited by his second orgasm. You continue to give him some sloppy thrusts, making him squirm and cry out. "You're amazing," you whisper before finally pulling out the toy carefully. With a loud 'plop', you completely pull out the toy, leaving Kid with a gaping hole.

'You're okay?' You whisper, stroking his back gently and playing with his hair. "Hmph. That wasn't that bad" he admits, his chest heaving up and down. Your fierce boyfriend struggles to glance at you and keeps his head buried in the pillow. Despite the intense pleasure he'd just had, his pride is swollen. You gently kiss his lower back, leaving a trail of kissing along his spine. "You were amazing… so beautiful and perfect for me…" Kid grunts slowly. At the moment, he only needs praises. He cannot deny how good it was. And his mind is tortured. What does it mean? Is he still the same for you? Does he look less manly now? Or cruel, maybe? Ashamed, Kid slowly manages to relax as you keep praising him. "You're alright?" You ask, kissing his neck. "Yeah." He grumbles, still trying to catch his breath, and finally rolls onto his back. You take off the strap-on and leave the bedroom, just for a moment. When you came back with a wet cloth, Kid didn't move at all. Without any words, you clean him. "Are you hurt anywhere?" He shakes his head. "No. I fucking lost my arm, I can handle having my ass pounded, damn." He groans. "Alright, alright. Just move your ass then, let me change the bedsheets."

Kid struggles to comply, barely standing up on his shaking legs. After you're finished, he returns to his bed. "Are you joining me or what?" With a chuckle, you comply, pressing your naked body against his. Kid wraps his hand tightly around your waist. "I love you, Eustass" you whisper close to his ear. The confession brings his heart racing. "Of course you love me." 

He rolls on his side in silence. You know exactly what he wants, so you wrap your arms around his large body. "My big boy loves to be the little spoon," you laugh and he grunts a 'shut up'. 

His hand reaches for yours and intertwined your fingers. 

"Why are you smiling?" Kid asks as he feels you smile against his back. "Nothing." 

You're just so proud of your stubborn, hot-headed boyfriend. And proud of how your relationship just evolved. Kid is always hard to understand and you never know if he loves you, but those kind of moments… it eases all your doubts. You're overjoyed to have the chance to see the vulnerable, human Kid. He can sleep comfortably. You won't tell anyone about it; it was too precious, you want to keep it to yourself. 

"Alright, just smile then, he grumbles", still holding your hand.

#one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #one piece requests #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid headcanons #eustass kid x y/n #eustass kid x you #eustass kid imagine #eustass kid #one piece smut #eustass kid smut #eustass captain kidd #eustass kidd x reader #kidd x reader #one piece writing #one piece fanfiction

[suengmi]

can you do where boyfriend! skz are teasing w reader but say a joke that hurts their feelings and they realize and immediately apologize and make it up to you (fluff)

hi anon!! ty for being my first ask, im excited to write! not sure if you wanted full stories/drabbles but i hope you like what i did! <3 also i'm a bit unwell and drained from work so pls be kind. took so long because i ended up writing a lot for some.... like a lot OOPS i trailed off a bit to make it more realistic but asjsdkkjasd anyways im sorry if it's not exactly what u wanted ;_; i did my best, plus i didn't want to make it all the same i guess? but yeah about .6k for each member!

warnings will be written below member names!! all under the cut~

warnings for all: not completely proof read but wanted to answer this prompt asap!! i'm half asleep it's 3am pls also all gender neutral!

┋bang chan ┋

context: grocery store is never fun, especially when your boyfriend doesn't know how hard it can be for you. new!relationship, domestic bliss grocery shopping for a night in

warnings: slight ableism??? before he knows??? idk, chan a bit spicy with his words so not complete fluff my b, some cussing, not the fluffiest pls im sorry idk what HAPPENED

word count: .6k

chan grunts at you, eyes rolling, "i told you it's the wrong one you dumb dumb. "

you look down at the japanese curry powder, trying to make sense of the words written before you. you haven't been with chan for long, but he's treated you better than anyone you've ever met. he's kind, giving and always knows how to make you feel better. he knows that you're happier when it rains, he knows that you get angry whenever you lose a game, he loves that you always defeat him at uno and enjoys how you make a week long parade about it. he already loves you but definitely doesn't know it yet.

there is one thing you're still trying to gauge about chan is how sometimes he can shoot first and ask questions later, and this is one of those moments.

chan frowns, pointing at the curry packet in your hand. "this is the spicy one."

"i'm sorry." you say in a low tone, still trying to read the packet but the font is harder to read, "they look the same."

chan snatches the packet from your hand, placing it back next to the seemingly same ones. "well maybe if you read it you properly for once. i had the runs for like 2 days last time. you know me and spicy no agree."

"i can't.... sometimes."

chan turns to you. "huh?"

you take in a deep breath and speak fast, "i have dyslexia."

"what?" he questions confused.

it's then when the penny drops after a moment of silence. realization a wave over him, all the times he told you to read properly, how many times he made tut noises at your replies not having complete context and how he would grunt when you didn't comprehend something.

"why didn't you tell me? there's nothing wrong with that...?" he prods, gaze gentle towards you.

you fumble with your hands, picking at the skin at the sides of your thumb, your mind trying to find what to say. "i dunno."

he sounds so apologetic when he eventually speaks, he wonders how he could have been stupid. it makes sense. all the times you've told him about your ex and how he called you stupid and dumb for not reading well, making fun of you and saying you just don't pay attention. "i made fun of you so much... wow i'm a dick-

"no it's okay" you interrupt him, a small smile on your lips not wanting him to be hurt.

chan purses his lips while taking your hands in his. he looks at your eyes, his own intense and apologetic. "no- it's not okay, i make fun of you so much for thinking you just didn't pay attention, shit, i'm sorry. i joke all the time about how your brain is always else where."

and with that chan knows that he definitely could have picked up the pieces earlier, that you said it to him, without words. "i'm just... fuck i'm sorry."

"i just you know with my ex they-"

chan pulls you in for a tight hug, as if hushing the words you were about to spill, your glasses pushed against your eyes but you don't mind. he smells like fresh baby powder, his own scent you love mixing in with the clothes he's wearing. you know chan's going to make up for it and that he'll do everything to make you feel better. because you love him too, you just don't know it yet either.

﹋﹋﹋

┋changbin ┋

context: changbin loves working out and you love watching him, even if you don't think he doesn't know. freshly known feelings, uni!au, living together in dorm (i know you said !boyfriend but this was too good not to write hehe)

warnings: CHANGBIN SHAMELESSLY FLIRTING ACK, implications of taking a relationship further (physically), voyeur reader lmao

word count: .5k

you turn your gaze over to your friend, housemate or whatever you two had going on was called. you'd never really thought of changbin as someone you'd like, his gentle an soft nature was a contrast to the man currently a few metres away from you. weights in hand and grunts slipping from his mouth. you lean your head back to get a better angle, the veins on his arm revealing themselves. you knew he liked you and you liked him, but neither of you would dare to open that pandoras box. well, not until tonight.

it's a moment later that changbin stops his routine, almost meeting your stare. you raise your brows, attention turning back to the laptop in front of you. what on earth was i doing? you think, pretending to type something into the computer.

"thirsty?" he asks you, pretending he didn't noticed your eyes on him every now and then for the last half hour.

you turn your attention to him "wha?"

he laughs into his chest, stretching out his arms, "you have drool on the side of your mouth."

"i do- i do not!" you say slamming the laptop down, folding your arms on your chest knowing you've been caught.

changbin laughs, sitting down on the couch next to you, "didn't know i owned a dog."

you had no idea he could be this cheeky, making fun of you for simply watching him. after all, you were perving in a sense.

"don't make fun of me! i know i was... watching."

a smile dances on his lips, knowing that you can be sensitive to these things. "i'm sorry." he almost sounds apologetic... almost. "but... it's just too good to catch you out." he says in a slow almost seemingly mocking way.

"stop it." you mumble, facing the other way. "you know i have issues with... bringing this stuff up."

changbin tugs on your ear to gain your attention, feeling bad for making you feel slightly uncomfortable. but hey, you were the one watching. he smiles and says, "i know i know, i'm just teasing. i'm really sorry."

"i know but... please don't, this is hard for me."

"okay okay," he whines, gently lacing his fingers in yours, testing the waters to see if you'd be okay with this affection. "i promise i won't make fun of you, but if you wanna watch feel free to, don't have to be shy about it."

a blush dances across your cheeks and ears, your tummy suddenly feeling a knot of embarrassment grow. "changbiiiin." you groan, planting your face into the couch cushion.

"okay maybe i lied, i'll definitely enjoy making fun of you."

﹋﹋﹋

┋hyunjin ┋

context: you hate feet. hyunjin thinks it's funny. established!relationship, living together

warnings: obvi mentions of feet?? mentions of vomit

word count: .6k

hyunjin knew you hated feet, just how they looked, how they acted and gripped on the damn floor whenever someone would walk bare foot. hyunjin loved walking around the house barefoot, and it sometimes made you feel woozy, just the image of your own feet touching the floor... imagine. you shivered at the thought, sitting down on the couch next to your boyfriend, his feet dangling off the edge of the couch.

you pat your legs, instructing him wordlessly to lay on your lap. he complies without a thought, scooching back and nestling his head into your soft legs. he let's out a gentle "mm" as he settles in. "soft" he coos, rubbing his head a few times before turning his attention back to his switch.

after another episode of your favourite show, hyunjin suddenly brings his feet up, inspecting one of them. "i think i have glass in this one."

"do you need to do that here?" you say in a tone, eyes avoiding the grippers in sight.

"nah can you just check this one?" he says with difficulty, throwing his foot back towards your face. if you weren't so grossed out you'd probably be impressed by his flexibility.

"hyunjin please--" you swat away his foot with your phone, pushing yourself back into the couch.

"nah see in the big toe right here."

"hyunjin! you know i hate feet stop!"

he struggles, folding his body further to get his left foot near you, "babe just look here near the nail."

and that's when you feel a lump in your throat, nearly retching at the sight. the rice dish you had earlier suddenly feeling not so settled.

"oh shit." hyunjin says in a shock turning his attention to you, hearing your strangled noise. "are you okay?"

"no i'm not okay, go away." you say behind your hand.

shit, he knows he did wrong. his seemingly funny joke was definitely taken too far. he feels bad, real bad. he knew you didn't like feet but not this much. it'd never really come into question the time you'd been together, but god he had no idea.

"jeez i'm sorry." he's unsure where to place his hands and fumbles, words not forming correctly.

you sit in silence for a moment before regaining your thoughts. "don't. fucking. do. that."

hyunjin's eyes are pleading, the guilt in his face almost makes you not want to get him back but then realise you can use this to your advantage. you look over at the massage oils on the table and back at him. "i have an idea."

and you know he'll do whatever it takes. he still had glass in his foot, but that wasn't important right now.

------

┋felix ┋

context: felix thinks your tummy is cute, but you're just not used to it.

warnings: mentions of weight, body issues, tight clothing, BUT ITS FLUFF I PROMISEEEE, felix just a silly soft goose

word count: .6k

"come out please." felix begs, head leaning against the door.

you're sitting in the bathroom on the floor, dressed in nothing but your boxer underwear and a tight bed shirt, felix's bed shirt. you can feel the anxiety seeping into your chest, the weight of reality hitting you. you and your boyfriend had been together for only a month, but this was the first night you were staying at his house. it was on a whim, since most of the trains and buses had stopped running. and of course, you had nothing to wear. so there you were, tight shirt and all. you've never been uncomfortable with your body, if anything you love your body. but for some reason the way that felix talked about your stomach irked you. maybe he meant it as a joke? what did he mean? either way you were upset and needed space for a moment.

"please, i didn't mean it like that." felix sighs against the door, "it's soft and i love it."

you cast a sad expression towards the door. still unwavering from your position. why do you have anxiety now about this? all he did was grab your tummy and tell you it's soft like a kitten belly, or how it reminds him of those marshmallows that fold and how much he loves it because it's you, and he loves you.

you hear nothing but the cracking of a knee, felix bending down to put his fingers through the gap of the door underneath. he splays his fingers like a cat trying to get in the bathroom, darting against the tiles.

"lemme in!" he chimes, grunting to get his fingers further in. "i'll get in either way!" he jokes, using both of his hands under door to attack. it makes you laugh. it reminds me of those videos of cats wanting to get into the bathroom, or videos of racoons grabbing food.

"am i close?" he jokes, moving his hands back and forth.

you groan, stifling a laugh as you get up to open the door. "not even." you say, being met with pleading eyes. you look down at him, his hands still pretending to search where the door once was.

but he suddenly swoops you into a hug, hands around your waist, his head pressed into your soft chest, enjoying the smell of his shirt mixing in with your scent.

you relinquish any negative thoughts you have, melting into the hug. "i know you didn't mean it like that but, i think i'm just nervous... because it's you."

he pulls back, arms still wrapped round your waist, probably a bit too tight. "it wasn't a joke, i do love it." his eye are filled with nothing but love and adoration for you, your body an your mind.

"just... choose different words, please... i'm not a roll of marshmallows."

felix pulls back suddenly before gently pressing a swift kiss to your lips. "tastes sweet." he retorts about your statement, ignoring your words before kissing you again.

"i'm-seri-ous." you say between kisses, you feel his his hands digging into your hips.

instead of stopping, he grins, love apparent in his eyes. "my marshmallow."

you roll your eyes, a bit of anxiety still in your throat but knowing he adores marshmallows, you figure it's okay for now.

﹋﹋﹋

┋jisung ┋

context: a park date is cute until you get attacked my a crow, jisung think's it's funny. established!relatonship

warnings: jisung being a weenie, swearing

word count: .5k

the ground collides with your chest, the mud clouding your vision and your new shirt you brought for the date probably ruined. yep, i definitely tripped and yes it was embarrassing. you think, shame in your chest. of all the days, why your one year anniversary?

all you hear is the cackle behind you getting louder, sharp inhales of breath echoing in your ears. jisung has no shame, actively laughing at you stacking it to the ground.

"ahaha! the crow!!" he gurgles still, bending forwards over the picnic blanket, almost choking on his spit.

"jisung!" you yell, getting to your feet, seeing the mess on the front of you. that fucking crow, why did it choose me?

"jisung!" you yell louder, stomping over to the blanket, definitely covered in mud, dripping behind you as you walk.

"i'm sorry babe i'm-" he says between breathes.

you grunt before wiping the mud from your chest, still feeling it covering half of your face. "it's not funny."

"it fucking is."

jisung's laughs come to a halt as he realised you're upset upset, not just whining like you usually do. he notices how your eyes are suddenly pooling with wells. he stands to his feet and gently holds out his hands, "baby-"

"no!" you grumble, pulling your arms away, tears rolling down your cheek. "i just bought this top. now it's ruined." your dejected tone unsettles jisung, instantly feeling bad for making fun of you.

he says nothing, confused on how to react. but he waits patiently, allowing you to let out your feelings. he's always been good at this, always been patient with you.

after a breath you look back at him, red rings dancing around your eyes.

he smirks as he walks over to the mud and plainly sits down in it as if it what he was meant to do all along. you let out a small laugh, your hands wiping the rest of the mud from your face.

"what?" he asks plainly, as if nothing is weird. he grabs a handful of the mud before pressing it to his shirt, and then another handful to his hair, rubbing it in. "what's funny?"

you laugh behind your mud covered hand walking over to him. he smiles up at you like a puppy, knowing that he's succeeded in making you feel better.

and there he is, completely covered in mud, way more than you are and in that moment you fall just a little bit more in love with him. you lean down and press a gentle but muddy kiss onto his lips.

he stares up at you with nothing else to say, just sitting in the mud. you decide to join him, plopping down next to him, hand in hand as you both just sit in silence and completely covered in mud.

with jisung you didn't always needs words, sometimes the things he did for you were enough.

﹋﹋﹋

┋lee know ┋

context: you're getting ready to go out with friends, but your hair has other ideas, established!relationship, living together.

warnings/other: kisses??? idk, cuss words

word count: .5k

"it's not working!" you huff, re-straightening the side of your bangs for the 6th time. minho was confused at first, wondering why you're so upset over something trivial and small from his point of view. but when he looks up from his phone to see you struggling, his left hand still lazily patting one of his cats. he speaks without thinking,

"it's definitely like a pigs tail." he chuckles, looking back at his phone. in his mind, he assumes that he was just making a light hearted joke, thinking it was cute the way you got so upset over something he coined as small. plus, pig tails are very cute if you think about it.

it wasn't until you made a little sob that he noticed how you were actually feeling. you stare in the mirror, realizing it in fact does look like a pigs tail.

"baby-" he let's out a small but gentle sigh, "i was joking,"

"no you weren't. it... does look like a pig tail." you say between a small dejected sob, lips curled down and hands at your side as you avoid the mirror.

"let me help?" he says so gently as he approaches the bathroom door. instead of letting him help, you just melt into his chest immediately, your sobs muffled by his shirt. "i look like shit." you say defeated.

he lets out a light laugh, kissing the top of your head a few times, "you never look like shit, you know... even with your pig tail."

you step back, immediately hitting the tight muscles of his chest with both of your fists, "fuck off i swear." you talk through your teeth, still frustrated but feeling the urge to laugh in your throat.

"there you are," he says pleased at your spice, fighting with you to place a kiss on your temple, your hand starts pushing on his jaw, his lips puckered and ready. "c'mere." he says through your fingers, still pushing his head towards you, his hands gripping at your neck. "let me-- love you."

after a few minutes of roughhouse struggle, you push him back, feeing slightly better. it's in this moment you realize that you in fact do not enjoy asking anyone for help. but you speak, dejected tone apparent. "yeah... please help."

and nothing else is said while he fixes your hair, gently pressing small kisses on your cheeks as he does so. he knows he can sometimes say things without thinking, but he also knows that you sometimes enjoy just as much as he does. it's why you love him and why you two work so well together. after a few minutes he steps back to admire his masterpiece, a triumphant smile on his lips. "hmm," he ponders, "i liked the pig tail better."

"oi, don't start again you little shit" you say as you begin chasing after him, giggles dancing in with his own as he runs down the hall, nearly slipping on the rug. "get back here! you're in for it!"

﹋﹋﹋

┋seungmin┋

context: seungmin needs to shut his mouth sometimes, even if he doesn't know it. established!relationship, living together

warnings: seungmin being a spicy bitch, some playful physical aggression, kissing

word count: .5k

seungmin has you completely pinned under him on the couch as he covers you with kisses, not relinquishing his hold. "how many times do i have to say it?"

you grunt at the fact that he's weirdly strong in these situations, and as much as you struggle against his hold he's just completely powering over you. just the other day you were the one that had to help him open a jar. but thats besides the point. here seungmin is, currently trying to wiggle his way out of the fact that he took a joke too far. you're determined not to let him get away that easy.

you struggle once more against his hold, your legs flailing underneath him but he's just too damn strong.

he lets out a struggled breath, still above you. his hair falling gently from his face, "isn't sorry enough?"

you turn your head to the side, bottom lip pouting. "no."

"baby-"

you tut at him, tone almost darted, "don't baby me! you've lost your rights."

a gentle grin finds itself to dance over seungmin's face, he likes it when you fight back. he likes it when you put him in his place but still give him enough wiggle room to feel in charge.

"okay," he says with raised brows, "you win. i apologise."

you realise this is the perfect opportunity to get him back, for him making that stupid joke about something he knew you were insecure about.

"oh, whats this? kim seungmin, apologising, what was that?" you speak sarcastically. you're still under his hold, but you'll let it slide for now. "sorry i didn't quite catch that after you made me feel like shit for an entire hour. repeat?"

"i... apologise. i took it too far and i'm sorry."

you feel your chest rise, suddenly enjoying the power that seungmin has given to you. it takes a lot for him to admit he's wrong or that he's done wrong, this is just so damn satisfying.

"actually..." he trails off, letting your hands free a second before quickly grabbing the back of your neck. the kiss he planted on you was fast, and before you knew it you were laying back down on the couch, head dizzy from the sudden kiss, "you can't just make me forgive you with kisses." you speak in a semi-daze.

seungmin presses a kiss to your cheek and then a few more to your lips, the taste sweeter everytime. "i can, actually."

yeah, he's absolutely right. wait, what were we arguing about?

﹋﹋﹋

┋jeongin┋

context: jeongin fucked up, and he wants to make it better. fresh!relationship

warnings: none? kissing maybes, TOO MUCH CUTE

word count: .5k

it only took jeongin about half an hour to attempt to make it up to you.

sometimes being with jeongin was hard, as you both communicated in very different ways, it definitely was something you needed to work on. though, the one thing you loved about him is the absolute time and effort he put into making everything just perfect for you. when it came to you, everything he did for you was worth it.

after taking a walk to calm your thoughts, you realized you were still frazzled from the way jeongin teased you and how you ended up crying, resulting in him just left behind in a confused state. sometimes it took a while for the penny to drop with him, but once he got it, he really got it.

you step through the front door of his house, gently removing your sandals to be met with the sound of jeongin jumping up from the couch, hands out in a display. "ta-da!" he yells, it startles you.

you turn to meet eyes with your boyfriend, his face with a stupid grin slapped across it.

"what is-" and that's when you notice the many items splayed across the ground. there's a few towels on the lounge table, a tub of what seems to be hot soapy water, a box of facemasks and some nail polish next to it. the lighting is low and your favourite soundtrack is playing. you notice the scent in the room, jasmine tea, your favourite.

jeongin takes a deep breath in before showcasing his wares. "salon de jeongin"

"babe i-"

he steps forward, taking your hands in his before guiding you to sit down. "cmon" he coaxes gently, his beautiful dark eyes watching your every step. you say nothing as you follow him, unsure of what's happening.

as if he knows you're going to speak, he places a gentle kiss on your forehead. "i'm sorry."

you marvel at the sight in front of you once more. the fact that he built you a whole salon in his living room within thirty minutes is mind blowing. he knows your favourite scent, your favourite songs and all the products you use. you didn't even realize he had those.

you're still at a loss for words, unsure of where to put your hands or body. jeongin just points to the chair, silly grin still plastered on his face and eyes wide.

you sit down in the chair, eyes darting to jeongin. "does it cost extra for shellac on my nails?"

jeongin pouts in thought, "just a kiss."

"i can do that." you say back at him. and that's all it takes, you know you'll talk later about this and how you can communicate better but this... this was enough for now. more than enough.

"actually," jeongin ponders before leaning so damn close to your face, "i think it's about 4 kisses."

-

DAMN THAT WAS SO LONG I SPENT LIKE AGES DOING THIS MY BAD, i know it's not exactly what u said but oh well i wanted to make them all different!!!! ty for asking!!!!!! <3

#!mywork #bangchan x reader #stray kids x reader #changbin x reader #seungmin x reader #hyunjin x reader #jisung x reader #jeongin x reader #felix x reader #lee know x reader #minho x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kid fic #fic #stray kids #bangchan #hyunjin #felix #jisung #changbin #jeongin #i.n x reader #seungmin #idk tags yet ill finish later lmao #stray kids x gn reader #stray kids x fem reader #stray kids x male reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff

[dotster001]

How You Met/Enemies to Lovers Crewel Edition

Summary:Divus Crewel x gn!reader. After misunderstanding the reason you were failing his class, he ended up spending lots of time with you. Part of the mini series requested by @stygianoir

A/N: It's in my pinned post, and I've mentioned this in a couple posts, but if this is the first of my stuff you've read, I view NRC as an actual college, so reader here is 18+. If it makes you more comfy, imagine it as grad school age.

Other Versions- Idia. Crowley. Malleus. Vil. Rook. Lilia. Leona.

Divus didn't like to throw around the word stupid around a lot, especially concerning students. But it was starting to be hard to find a better word for you…

"I just don't understand, Y/N. How can you not understand the most basic principles of potionology?"

He had called you to his office after classes to discuss with you your complete lack of knowledge, even in the most basic of courses.

"In our most basic course, you should be reviewing the things you learned in high school potions.  Even if you aren't solid on it, you should have a better grade in this course than you do!"

You winced, shrinking into the chair as much as possible, and mumbled something.

"Speak up, puppy!"

You cleared your throat, "Professor, I'm doing my best. I'm having both Vil and Riddle tutor me, and I spend as much time as possible studying for this class. It's just hard to undo everything I've learned," you were starting to get more hysterical the longer you spoke. "I mean, literally, you're asking me to learn things that completely challenge all the laws of science I've ever learned!" You stood up and smacked the table in frustration. "I'm doing my best, man! I just…I can't…it's…."

"Sit!" He shouted, and you plopped back down into your seat, wide eyes displaying fear.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed heavily. "If you could please remind me of what high school you graduated from."

You sat in silence, pursing your lips in a tight line. After he was certain that you weren't going to answer, he stood up. 

"Wait here," he said, leaving you to go to the headmage's office.

                                ….

Divus had cursed Crowley on his entire trip back to the office. Of course that bird brain would have "forgotten" to mention that you were not from a world or even a dimension with magic. You should have been in remedial private lessons the entire semester. 

He slammed the door loudly on his way back into the office, clearly startling you in your seat.

"Alright, puppy. Your situation has been properly explained to me. Starting now, you will be in private lessons with me, on top of your tutoring with Rose hearts and Schoenheit. I will be in contact with them so that we can all be in agreement on a curriculum, and you will learn it. Mark my words, you will pass this course." 

You nodded shakily. He dismissed you with a flick of the wrist, and you practically ran from his office.  He sighed as he began to map out a plan for your lessons. This would be a long hard road.

                                     ….

You had surprised him. You had spent the last four years studying potions with him. That first year had been hard, but before the exam, you had had a breakthrough, and it had all been uphill from there. By the end of your second year, you were all caught up to the current curriculum. By your third year, you had surpassed it. 

You were now nearing the end of your fourth year, and still in lessons with him, although, now it wasn't to catch you up, it was to  keep you learning.

You had been limited in your internship options, due to your lack of magic. Divus had even written a glowing recommendation for you, but it had been for naught. At least until he had realized that you could be his teaching assistant for your internship.

It hadn't been a glamorous position, but you seemed to enjoy it; getting to work with potions, having access to the magical library, being at a center point so you could still see your friends, it had been perfect for you.

But your internship was nearing its end, and people had caught on to your skill in potions. You were getting job offers left and right, for ridiculous amounts of money. And it was making Divus nauseous.

"Another offer, pup?" He looked up from the papers he was grading, to see you at your own desk looking at a letter.

"Mhmm," you acknowledged, reading the letter. 

"And?" 

You set the letter down, and grinned. "Aw, are you worried about me? I'm just going to let them know I'll think it over. I've told everyone I won't make a decision until I have my degree in my hand."

"Are you planning something that would make that not happen?" He asked, matching your grin.

You laughed. "Well, Grim is scheduled to be back next week, and Ace is a day behind, so anything is possible."

"Just remember, bad puppies will need to be retrained," he flashed a devilish grin.

You gasped in mock horror. "Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to let them know."

You both went back to your work. After some time in the silence, he found himself looking at you again and again. Eventually, he was all out staring. You were so focused on your paperwork. You looked truly beautiful.

It hadn't been until the letters started coming in that he had realized his time with you was coming to an end. He'd grown used to your presence. No, that wasn't right. He'd grown dependent on your presence. Seeing you everyday, working close to you, seeing you make new discoveries, watching you help other students achieve what you had…. he'd fallen at some point without even realizing it.

To make matters worse, you were one of the few reasons he took care of himself. You brought him food on days he'd forgotten to pack some. You made him coffee on late nights. You volunteered to take up some of his work when he was getting run down. He had never realized how much he had stopped caring about his general health until you started doing it for him.

He was the happiest he had been in years. And you were going to be leaving him. 

He hadn't spoken of his feelings, because he had only recently noticed them himself. Besides, he couldn't be sure how you felt about him. You two had definitely grown closer, but was it close enough for you to feel the same way?

                                   ….

The school had hosted a graduation party. After the official ceremony  all the grads, their family, and anyone who had been invited to the ceremony itself were in attendance. It was usually a way for classmates and teachers to have a last hurrah before going out into the real world.

But you had been swamped by people who were offering you jobs. They were all complimenting you, pressuring you to make your decision, and just in general bothering you.

Eventually, he noticed you were able to break off from the group, and step outside. He followed you, worried after seeing you swamped with people.

You had found a bench to sit on, and were staring at the stars. You looked beautiful in the moonlight, so at peace. He quietly sat next to you, and patted your knee.

"How are you doing, puppy?" He asked.

You turned your head to face him. "Well, I've been here long enough to get a degree, and am no closer to going home. Oh, and I still haven't decided where to work now that I've graduated." You giggled. "But I'm fine."

"Hm." He said. "Well, for the first point, you truly are gifted at potions, so I selfishly am happy you've been here long enough to get a degree in it. And, hopefully by now you've found something that makes being here worthwhile."

You stared at him for a moment, then quickly turned away. "Yeah, I guess so." You stood up, and stretched. "I'm gonna head back in, thanks for checking on me." You began to walk away.

"Don't go," he couldn't look at you, but he heard you stop walking. "Stay here."

You giggled, "I would but it's getting cold out here and I don't have a fire coat like you…."

"That's not what I meant," he stood up, and strode over to you with an intense confidence. He ran a gloved hand down your cheek as he spoke, his discerning gaze picking up the shiver you tried to hide.

" I mean at NRC. I want you to stay here as my teaching assistant and," he paused.  Once he crossed this line he could never go back. Who knew the master would become so shaken by a puppy. "I want you to stay with me."

His hand froze on the side of your face waiting for your response. After what felt like a painful wait, you nuzzled into his hand. Nothing could stop his grin.

"I think I'll take that job," you smiled up at him sweetly.

"And my other proposal?"

You shrugged, and walked off with a mischievous grin. Ah. You were going to need some heavy retraining. But there would be plenty of time for that. For now, he would just enjoy the knowledge that you had chosen him. He looked up into the stars and thanked whoever or whatever had brought you to his world. Then he returned to the party, feeling uplifted for the first time in two weeks.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #divus crewel x reader #divus crewel #twisted wonderland divus #twst divus

[im-gonna-squeet]

Donnie burnout fic

Donnie is exhausted and finds themself unable to do the tings they normally can, and knows one person that can always help.

ao3

Donnie was having a bad day. A bad week– a bad month, even.

None of their projects were going right, their joints were acting up, they couldn't sleep properly, they'd gotten injured on what should've been a fairly easy mission, and now, they hardly had the energy to eat or talk.

It wasn't fair. They could usually work for days or weeks uninterrupted — with the exception of sleep and snack breaks, of course, their siblings wouldn't let them neglect themself like that, and they could never turn down Angelo's cooking — and be fine. They could make anything he wanted. So what was different this time?

What had changed?

Why couldn't they do this?

What was wrong with them? And how could they fix it?

Donnie didn't like change, which made such a drastic pivot in their ability all the more distressing (which, in turn, made them feel worse, feeding the cycle like an ouroboros).

Logically, they knew that rest would be the best thing, and they honestly wanted nothing more than a nap, but they couldn't when they were this stressed because they had so much to do. And none of it was going to get done. Because their stupid brain couldn't just function correctly!

There wasn't even that much to do. They ENJOYED doing these things! What was the point if they couldn't even do the one thing they were good for!?

They slammed their newest failure on the desk, breathing hard.

"shit." They winced and rubbed at their watery eyes under their glasses. Closing their eyes, they tried to even out their breathing, snapping them out of that all too familiar spiral.

This wouldn't help. It would only make it worse. They needed to not be alone right now. So they grabbed their phone and texted the first person they thought of.

ctrl + c

Don-Bon: Cn i cme sit w u?

Don-Bon: yes pls, ly

Nardo: yea im in my room

need a portal?

Nardo: ly2

Moments after that last text was sent, a small, vibrant blue portal opened up right in front of them.

They reflexively lowered their third eyelid to shield themself from the brightness.

Once they stepped through, they saw Leo sitting at the corner of his bed, leaning against the wall with one knee to his chest, controller in hand.

Donnie said nothing as they flopped next to their twin, leaning against him with their legs folded over Leon's, softly butting his head with their own.

Returning the headbutt, Leo reached down and pulled a weighted blanket out from beside his bed, wrapping it around his twin. "You okay, hermana?" he asked, not removing his arm and resting his head on top of Donnie's.

Donnie relaxed, glad to have their twin as company. They hesitated slightly before shaking their head, manifesting a small teleprompter screen in front of them. ‘bad. cant talk rn’, it read.

“ok, that's alright, I'm just gonna finish this game and then we can watch something, yea?” Leo rubbed their arm before removing it to continue gaming.

Donnie nodded, slumping further into Leo's side as they watched him play.

~~~~

After Leo finished his game, the twins wordlessly agreed on watching The Great British Baking Show, calm but still fun. Leo grabbed his laptop with one arm, wrapping the other around Donnie before shimmying them both into a lying position.

From there they shuffled around a little, finding the optimal snuggling position, then positioned the laptop at a comfortable angle for both of them.

"This ok?" Leo asked.

Donnie nodded.

After a few minutes, Leo spoke up again, "wanna talk about it?", he ventured.

Donnie took a breath, fiddling with their hands as they deliberated on how to word it.

The teleprompter re-appeared. 'it feels like nothings going right recently. And logically I KNOW that it's not my fault, but I can't help but blame myself, y’know? Im supposed to be the genius, the one that fixes everything. If I can't do that then what CAN I do?'

Leo took a moment to process the message, absentmindedly running his hands over Donnie’s neck and shell in soothing motions. "Tello I know you find this difficult to believe, but you are absurdly intelligent and so good at so many things, i mean you created ACTUAL, SENTIENT AI and are raising him better than our dad raised us, you're incredible in so many ways but you're working yourself too hard, you're burning the candle at both ends and it's unsustainable. Burnouts like these are going to happen when you do this to yourself.”

And Donnie knew these things, of course they did, but it was really really nice to hear it from someone else, especially someone they cared about so much. 'I know and I want to stop but I don't really know how? like i've been doing this for so long i don't know what else to do'

Reading this, Leo leaned over and kissed Donnie on the head, staying in that position whilst he talked, "im proud of you, Dee, we're all so, so proud of you, and we'll help you figure it out. All of us."

At this Donnie felt the prickling of tears in their eyes as their vision blurred. They didn't try to stop a quiet sob from escaping them, 'I love you'

"Aww, Dee, I love you too" Leo wrapped both of his arms around them, holding them close. They stayed like that for a while, Donnie quietly crying his frustrations into Leo's chest as he softly told them how loved and cherished and valued Donnie is to everyone they know.

And after a while, Donnie calmed, and Leo asked a question he already knew the answer to, "Do you wanna invite Apes over for a movie night tomorrow?"

Donnie nodded, already thinking about what movies to watch and meticulously going over every detail.

"Good, but for now, how about we watch some idiots bake and you can tell me exactly what they're doing wrong?". Donnie grinned, wiping the stray tears from their face as they prepared to make Leo regret ever suggesting that.

reblogs > likes

#disaster twins #rottmnt #leonardo hamato #donatello hamato #hurt/comfort #nonbinary donatello #nonbinary donnie #disabled donatello

[timetakeswords]

I'm so frustrated.

I get why Language learning is the first thing to get neglected whenever my brain goes back to depressionland. It's hard, it's frustrating, I'm shit at it even when I'm running on full capacity. Also it's something I purely do for fun(tm) and so there is no other, deeper incentive to keep at it whenever it gets hard to even leave the bed. This alone is frustrating enough, especially with this latest fallout running for more than a year now (this year has been very very bad for my continued existence x_x), but I'm kinda used to it. It sucks to have to start over all the time, but oh well. At least I'm still going.

Which is where my current frustrations are coming in.

See, with working on Mental Health stuff the last couple months, a lot has happened re priorieties and where my limited motivation/energy is needed more. And with spending more time on art, better social integration and (potential) new hobbies it constantly feels like there is just no time/energy left to grapple with being shit at vocab.

And that sucks!

I know part of it comes from lack of smooth access. I've relegated language and writing actitvities to the laptop cause I can't figure out how to do both art and typing on the desktop without fucking up my spine.

But I can ALSO not figure out how to integrate "Chill on laptop" into my overall workflow in a way that doesn't make me deeply anxious (cause there are more important things I gotta be doing!!!). And when I do spontanously find a way to switch over devices, I'm faced with the choices of: Wanna read? Wanna smash your blorbos together like dolls? Wanna see how utterly stupid you are for not remembering 東京?

Guess which of these tends to lose x_x

Idk, I recently remembered that I was able to clumsily talk to people on  Tandem and now I get excited when I manage to recall basics. And part of me wants to just give up on this completely cause it's not worth the frustration and the time could be spent better on other things. Just gotta accept that languages are just not my thing and find something else to do.

Otherwise I have this laying around my to do things while not actually doing it properly(tm) and hhhhhh have a constant "you suck" reminder is what I'm trying to avoid having tbh

But also I don't wanna. I love languages too much and there is this chance that my motivation Pool increases and I've got time to learn more again as I'm improving things overall

Just....right now I hate it here :/

#feel free to comment #I could use an outsiders input #langblr #symbols are talking #languages

[philtstone]

45, Sam Wilson

#45 -- shining like fireworks lol this is way longer than it was supposed to be and also was crafted around the #25 prompt, because I can't read. but I made it work. zainab i know youve already written something like this but i wanted to try my hand at it too! my homage to the epistolatory fic...

"You made me a scrapbook for my birthday?"

Okay.

Maybe he should rewind.

Sam won't lie and say it hasn't been a rough few months. So technically, the weight of the world doesn't need to be on his shoulders. He keeps thinking he oughta take a page out of that Spider-kid's book, and just be a friendly neighborhood Cap, or something. It's just between intercontinental warhead measuring competitions (something he can say around his nephews without Sarah raising both eyebrows), dickhead suits (come on, Sarah), flying green men, and regular old food shortages in his own damn home state ... well, it's hard not to feel it all, when you care.

He used to call Bucky and bitch about things, before. Or rather -- he'd call Bucky, and Bucky would start bitching about things, which gave Sam the opening to also start bitching about things. Funny how that worked out. But they weren't even living together then. They were miles apart! Since he and Bucky got that stupid bachelor pad apartment six months ago, they've barely spent more than three consecutive minutes in each others' presence. They've both been out of the apartment for such mutually overlapping long stretches of time that every time Sam checks the fridge, the brand new carton of milk he got on the last grocery run has gone lumpy. The worst of it is, he hasn't had any chance to talk to Bucky about it properly, and there's a weird, tireder-than-usual Sam part of his brain that worries maybe this isn't the best solution to Bucky's isolation issues. Wasn't that part of the reason they decided to move in together, anyway? A solution to loneliness? Humans weren't made to live all alone, grown assed men or not, Sam thinks.

All of this is making Sam in more of a bad mood than he needs to be, given that it's his birthday.

It is his fortieth birthday, so maybe that, too, is contributing.

By rights, he should be turning forty five. That part though, Sam refuses to think about at all.

"Yeah, yeah, complain about how old you are," Bucky says, leaned too far back in his own porch chair, long legs stretched all the way out against the rail, and nursing the twin of Sam's own cool beer. "Is it 'cause you need reading glasses now?"

"Bucky," Sam grits out, because he's not sure how to communicate, I am stupidly glad you, one of my dearest friends some-fucking-how, are here, I've missed you, I really didn't expect I would this much, but also I am five seconds away from drop kicking you into a small body of water, so help me God, in a non embarrassing, well-adjusted kinda way.

"Aw, it is," says the most annoying man alive, who at one hundred and seven has the general face and physique of a particularly genetically-blessed thirty-eight year old. The fact that technically, if you do the in-and-out-of-cryo math, Bucky clocks out at two years younger than Sam is possibly the single worst fact in the universe, right now.

"Both of you shut up and let Sam finish opening his presents," says a third voice, and Sam, miffed, turns to glare at his sister, while Bucky, the bastard, is grinning like a set of cheap fireworks.

Sarah had promised that they won't do nothing big til tomorrow, and that this afternoon was just for family. Sam should've expected that meant four neighbors and three of their childhood family friends and two cousins, also, but by four pm, most people have filed out and lunch is a demolished mess of scraped-clean plates and almost empty pots on the big fold out table on the backyard porch. He's already opened AJ and Cass's humble contribution: a baseball mitt, which Uncle Sam can use to teach them baseball, much to Bucky's endless amusement ("Didn't you say baseball was an old people sport? You played baseball in school, Samuel? When you were even younger?" Yeah, he's real close to Bucky-cide, today). He knows Sarah's got him an old record player of their dad's upstairs, which he'd been planning to get fixed up all those many years ago, before their lives were torn apart; the fact that it has survived, and they have survived, makes Sam feel a certain kind of way. What Sam wasn't expecting was the lumpy, large, rectangular package that emerges from under the porch table, wrapped in brown paper and presented to him by his nephews.

"And that one's from B," Sarah says. Sam's too busy staring at it incredulously to clock the amused twinkle in his sister's eye.

"You got me a birthday present? Forreal?" Sam doesn't know if he wants to laugh or be suspicious or tear up like an idiot. Jesus, it's not like he's Bucky, getting all misty at basic kind gestures. Bucky shrugs and takes a drag from his beer.

"What, you can get me stuff, but I'm banned?"

"You're not banned, oh my God. I'm just surprised."

"I get people presents!"

"I know you do!"

"So, it's your birthday, I got you a present."

"What is it?"

"Now he's making it weird!" Bucky says, helplessly, to Sarah. AJ and Cass have started giggling.

So Sam rips off the wrapping paper, muttering to himself.

Which brings him back to an immutable, inescapable fact.

Bucky Barnes made him a scrapbook for his birthday.

"It's not a scrapbook."

"It's literally a scrapbook. Holy shit, are those stickers from Joanne's?"

"Hobby Lobby," offers AJ solemnly.

"Look, okay, it was Sarah's idea! Just read the fuckin' -- I mean, uh --"

At this point, the boys' giggles are threatening to turn medical. Sarah mouths nope, all him, from behind Bucky's chair, while Sam gapes helplessly at the shockingly neat mess of .... post it notes?

No. No way.

"You put all the annoying sticky notes you left me about the fucking soured milk in a scrapbook?"

"Oh, guys, come on!" Sarah throws her hands up in the air. "That's two in half a minute! You want these boys to grow up cursin'?"

"Half of them are yours!" Bucky points. "Which, by the way, were also annoying!" He's not quite embarrassed, but there's an airy, funny kind of laugh bubbling up behind his words at the ridiculousness of it all. Sam's feeling it too. He reaches into his pocket and takes out his reading glasses.

Bucky cracks; he chokes on his laughter, stuffing it roughly behind one metal fist; AJ has plastered himself against Sam's side and Cass is literally slumped, hiccupping, on the floor. Even Sarah's having a hard time fighting it.

Primly, Sam begins reading at a random place in the middle of the book; the note is written on an overlarge, bright blue POST-IT.

SAM. WON'T BE BACK TIL THURSDAY. PICKED UP THAT WEIRD MILK YOU LIKE FOR YOU. -JBB

Bucky, just got in. Leaving again tomorrow 0600. Hope Ross isn't being too much of a pain in the ass. Lactose free milk is a sexy modern invention, NOT weird. Its kind of gone bad tho. Did you not drink any of it???

Also, u dont have to sign post its. - Sam

I WASNT GONNA DRINK YOUR MILK. ITS YOURS. THANKS FOR TAKING OUT THE LEFTOVER TRASH, HAD TO RUN. GOT YOU MORE MILK FOR WHEN YOU GET BACK. YOU WILL DO GREAT. RIP STR MALONE A NEW ONE - JBB

I know who you are! Milks bad again. Jesus, i need a vacation. I didn't rip any senators new ones

Wanted to, tho. You keep switching burner phones so i cant text you this shit

LEAVE NOTES. THEY STICK TO THE FRIDGE NICE - JBB

Oh my God, you did not get a cat while I was gone

SHE CAN LIVE IN MY ROOM. GOT YOU MORE MILK AS A BRIBE :-)

She tore up ALL THE CURTAINS. I LIKED THOSE CURTAINS. And do your own laundry instead of getting me milk!

I DO LAUNDRY! IVE DONE YOURS THREE TIMES IN A ROW.

FUCK. MILKS GONE BAD.

You tried to drink it? What happened to its Sams milk?

Your cat peed in my shoe by the way!

IT WAS GOING BAD!!!!! -JBB

It's always goin bad!! - STW

Hey B, heard about the op from Rhodey. Im in Delacroix tmrw, come down if you can. Take care of yourself, man.

At this point, Sam stops reading. That was a couple days ago. He looks up again, pulls his glasses off. As irritable as he was earlier, there is relief in seeing Bucky perfectly in-tact, effortlessly whole. Maybe a little tired around the eyes, but Sam thinks that's maybe a detail about him that's never really gonna go away at this point. He'd been worried, yeah. Annoyed, that they hadn't talked properly before parting ways. Missing his friend and pissed off about the milk. What was the point of living with a person if you never fucking interacted, and then they got blown up?

"I can't believe you kept all of this shit," Sam manages.

Rubbing at one eye, Bucky shrugs, looks down, then up, like he's not actually embarrassed about it at all. He says, "I had to prove to my therapist I was living successfully with a roommate somehow."

Sam snorts. After a beat, Bucky adds, "Hadn't had a roommate in years. It would've been weird to throw them out."

Yeah, Sam thinks. Yeah.

"Hey, man," Sam says, while Sarah (still chuckling), begins cleaning up the plates on the table with Cass's help. "I missed you too." Bucky smiles -- "You better tell me where you found that mangy stray cat, though."

At which point Bucky's mouth drops open in what is apparently mortal offense, and the rest of Sam's birthday is spent arguing over viable pet names for the tiny white demon kitten from hell.

#this is far from perfect but im kind of just pleased i wrote something at all #do i look like i know how the marvel timeline works. no. so sams forty #my writing #taylor swift prompt meme #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sarah wilson #the falcon and the winter soldier #marvel #sam x bucky #tfatws

[zinkadear]

I absolutely hate living with my family and need so desperately to have my own place or else my mental health is never going to improve. But it's also because of my extreme anxiety and depression that I can't find a job I can stay at for more than a few weeks without getting panic attacks and having to quit.

Even at my longest job, which lasted a year and a half, I didn't get paid enough to rent a studio apartment, much less buy a house. And now after applying to so many jobs the last few months, I'm not hearing back from anyone. No one wants to hire a 27-year-old who's never gone to college and worked less than two years their whole life.

I don't enjoy being miserable in this terrible place I live, and would have moved out years ago if I could have. I've wasted so much time in this small, crowded, disgusting "home", having to be a second parent to my brothers who cause me a ton of stress, having my mom get upset with me for lying in bed all day, and not even being able to keep my cats indoors. Most people aren't staying with their parents because they want to. I fantasize about being independent all the time. If I could even just get a small apartment, it would change my life.

I would love to do freelance work from home, being one of those people who make thousands a month in passive income, who don't have a schedule and can travel whenever they want, with a big house in a nice city. But I'm too stupid to figure out how to be successful at even the things I have fun doing. I've tried so much, researching ways I could make a living from home with art and other things. Why is it so easy for all these other people several years younger than me?

It seems I'll never have a happy life. These rich idiots have no idea what it's like not having a normal brain, and being someone who can't properly function in society. It's not my choice to be a failure.

#Rant #Mental Health

[doctorho]

If you knew what the bluebirds sing (part 22)

Royal!Viktor x gender neutral reader, 1.7k words

hi guys &lt;3 we're back with this again. i'm slowly building this story like a tower of lego blocks. yeehaw.

warnings: mentions of poison and daggers. nothing graphic though. everyone's fine. it's just talk of hypotheticals.

This time, you're alone with Jayce and Viktor in the dusty old archive room. Caitlyn had left her notebook with you – after Jayce's extensive promises to keep it safe – and then she was on her way, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders before walking out.

”She said she'd report anything new she learns,” Jayce says casually, ”But apparently that's not very likely. Things seem to be pretty...stagnant.”

Viktor hums a little in acknowledgement, still eyeing the notebook, reading something with only half his attention on Jayce.

”Has anything changed since we last talked about this?” Jayce continues, picking up a small purple note, studying it, and then leaning back in his chair.

"I went to check it out." Viktor answers, simply. Like it’s a boring little detail. He doesn't even take his eyes off the notebook, open to a page covered in purple little notes and scribbled markings in Caitlyn's neat but rushed handwriting.

Your brain catches up to what he's saying, and you turn to look at him now, properly. He still doesn't look up.

"You went to-" Jayce starts, but it sounds like he isn't even intending to finish the sentence. Instead, he's just staring at Viktor with both of his eyebrows raised.

"That's dangerous!" He continues after a brief pause.

"What are they going to do?” Viktor answers, ”Beat me up? I bet that would have worked out really well for them in the long run." He adds, sarcastically, voice still calm. "It's not like they could get away with hurting me. Weren’t happy I was there, but I was never in any real danger."

"You can't know that." Jayce counters, his voice sounding a little thin. Frustrated, but thin.

"Sure I can.” Viktor argues again, ”Think about it. The worst thing they could do is kill me, and whoever comes after me could be worse for their little business. They'd be going in blind. A new ruler means a whole new system that they need to learn how to navigate." He explains, tapping his fingers on the table absent-mindedly as he speaks, "Besides, if I die, that’s not going to be my problem. I won’t care. I won’t even know at that point."

Then he glances at you and shrugs slowly. "...But I doubt they would go that far." He adds, "This current situation seems to be working out pretty well for them." He takes a deep breath, "They must have started years ago, when I was too young to actually know anything. Maybe even before my time."

“Have you lost your mind?” Jayce asks, and it sounds purely rhetorical, but Viktor answers anyway.

“Long ago, but that’s unrelated.” He says, like this is a totally normal conversation, not even bothering to look up at Jayce. Instead, he flips through the notebook idly.

“That’s–” Jayce starts, and then sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you have any idea how stupid this is?”

Now, Viktor looks up at him, properly.

You just sit there quietly, listening. Watching them.

It was stupid.

But it wasn’t reckless.

Like everything else that Viktor did as the King, it was, deep down, very, very calculated, and thought-out. Just because it might have put him in danger, that didn’t make it reckless.

That didn’t mean that he didn’t know what he was doing.

He knew.

He just didn’t care. Not about his own safety, not about his own life. They didn’t take priority in his actions.

It made sense, in a way; they never had, so why would they now? Like he said, his life had never been his own. It had never been a priority. His own personal comfort didn’t matter. There was a problem to be solved, and he wanted to solve it. He was going to solve it.

And he was right; the guards might have been running illegal underground operations, but they weren't dumb enough to actually do anything to harm the King.

Probably.

They look at each other for a few tense seconds, and then Jayce sighs a little and shifts in his seat, leaning to the table.

”I wanted to know what was actually going on.” Viktor explains, ”I wanted to see it. I wanted to know how they would react. How they would explain it to me.”

”And how did they?”

”Vaguely,” He answers, seemingly disappointed in his own answer, ”Told me it was just a transitional warehouse, things waiting for shipment. Failed to tell me what the things were.” He frowns a little, ”I did get a good look at who was there, though. And I'd imagine it served as a reminder for them, about where they are.”

Viktor takes a deep breath. ”They've been allowed to do this for too long already. I want to – ” He makes a wide hand gesture towards the table, and even though he doesn't finish the sentence, both you and Jayce know what he means.

Do something.

There's a kind of old, tired, simmering frustration in his eyes, one that he's barely containing.

”I still don't like you going there by yourself. Without telling anybody.” Jayce says, voice level and factual.

”I wasn't in any real danger.” Viktor says again, his voice now softer. ”I was prepared. Don't worry. I know how to take care of myself.”

His words sound like they're half reassurance and half something sharp, meant to sting. They look at each other for a moment, some wordless message being conveyed that you couldn't quite decipher.

Then, Jayce sighs a little. ”I know.” He says, and then he starts tapping his fingers on the edge of the table quietly.

Later, when you're alone with Viktor, in the quiet of his room, you look him over slowly.

He seemed calm as always, more relaxed now than he usually was out in public, his shoulders low and his sleeves rolled up, his hair messier than usual. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, quietly looking through one of his own notebooks, one hand thumbing through the pages and one hand resting on your thigh.

You lean back on your hands in your spot next to him. 

“When you said you were prepared,” You start, "What did you mean? Do you have a secret sword hidden in your cane or something?" You ask, only half-joking, studying his reaction.

"No," He answers, without even looking up, "That would compromise the structural integrity."

He pauses for a moment, leaning back slightly and meeting your eyes. "I have a dagger." He says, factually, "And some…carefully chosen chemicals. Anti-venoms and such."

You blink at him, once.

You shouldn’t be surprised. It made sense. Of course he'd have to think about stuff like that, of course he'd have to be prepared in case someone tried to harm him.

The thought still chills your insides, and hollows out your heart on its way out.

It made sense; someone in his position would have to acknowledge that other people wanted to take it from him.

It made sense.

But you didn't want it to be that way. You didn't want him to have to worry about hiding daggers and being poisoned. You didn't want him to live with something like that, under an ever-present cloud of knowing someone could try to kill him just because he happened to be born into a miserable role he didn't even want.

It was unfair and stupid, and you wanted to unravel everything around him that had lead to this being the reality that he lived in.

He says it so casually, too. Like, yes, of course he carries anti-venom everywhere he goes. Of course he has a hidden dagger always on his person.

For a single hollow heartbeat, you just look at him.

And then you swallow your sadness and your anger and your frustration, and try to focus on the moment again. On the here and now.

”You know how to fight with a dagger?” You ask him, trying to keep your voice light and pushing down your simmering emotions about the situation.

He tilts his head, just slightly, and licks his lips, pausing. ”In the loose definition of the word,” He answers, ”I mainly know self defense. I've never been very interested in learning how to proficiently stab anyone.” He explains, ”It's merely a precaution.”

He looks at you, and then averts his eyes again. ”Jayce made it for me,” He adds, ”A few years back. I think it makes him feel better.”

And again, you just look at him. With that hollow sadness eating at your insides.

You try your best to ignore it.

”It doesn't make you feel better?” You ask, your voice quieter than you'd intended.

He gives you a small smile, his fingers tracing some invisible pattern on the handle of his cane. ”Not much,” He answers, ”I think that if someone wanted me dead, I'd be dead already.”

”That's dark.” You note, your voice a bit too light, a bit too boneless, ”Didn't you just say you knew self defense?”

He hums a little in affirmation. ”Self defense, yes. But I can't perform miracles.”

”But it's something.” You argue, even though this, too, feels a bit too boneless.

He takes a deep breath and shrugs a little with one shoulder. ”I know how to protect myself if someone tries to attack me with a dagger.” He says, a little dismissively, ”But people can get imaginative, and I am not naive."

You try your best not to let the heartbreak show in your eyes. It's a terrible way to live; knowing that someone could always be trying to kill you. Knowing you had to be prepared for it.

You hate it.

You hate that he has to live like this, that he had to grow up like this, and that there’s nothing you can do to change that.

He just looks at you for a moment.

”If someone tries to stab you with a dagger,” He then says, his words slow, ”Grab their wrist with your thumb down, knuckles towards the person, and wrench the dagger out of their hand. Towards their thumb. Less resistance that way.”

Then, he takes a deep breath, studies your reaction. "Does knowing that make you feel better?"

Next

Tags: @aggressa @obsessive-sapphic @shadow-pancake9 @agatemermaid @scorpio-echo @kalisbury @viktoryscreech @ivetoldamillionlies @twilightdollie @cassandras-musings @kaimerra @raiden88 @emma-the-duck17 @thefiasco-onyourblock @pinkrose1422

#royal au #viktor arcane x reader #viktor x reader #arcane viktor x reader #arcane fanfic

[daz4i]

ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

#vent #this was written very out of order #i don't expect anyone to read this but if you do. 1 sorry 2 are you okay 3 i love you #it feels better to post things than to just write them in a doc yknow?? #not sure why. maybe it's the feeling of not being alone with these thoughts ig. or getting some external validation #it did help tho. i feel like i can actually go to sleep now maybe. wow #edit: holy shit i just checked. this took nearly 2 hours to type. wtf. damn guess i really needed that akdkglhlj #btw if you do read this you gotta like this post 🧐 so. i know. bc i like knowing. sorry

[nichoskittycorner]

Pls I've got more ideas from there, like right now I'm obsessed with Kim Petras' songs, and like I can literally fit each member with a song that describes a kink I believe they have.

K - Hit It From The Back - K would definitely have quite a few interest, but I feel like he would also be a massive exhibitionist, the thought of getting caught is sometimes enough to get him off, but it won't stop him, he'd find it hot, the idea that someone might walk by your car in the parking lot and see him balls deep in you, the idea that someone might walk by you sitting in his lap on a blanket in a secluded section of the park looking like a cute couple star gazing at night gets him going since he knows he's really balls deep in you making you cockwarm him, iconic lyrics include "Hit it from the back of the car, under the stars. Don't be too easy when I want it hard. I'll be your girl till morning light. You need to please me and last through the night."

Fuma - Brr - Despite how romantic and soft dom I think Fuma is, I also think he'd have this part of his brain that goes absolutely feral for hate/angry sex, like arguments aren't ending in a discussion, it's ending with your ass in the air as he takes his anger out on you, like he gets home from practice and it was a rough day, enjoy not sleeping and being unable to walk properly tomorrow, iconic lyrics include "Get your rocket out the holster. Why don't you take it out on me? If you think your so cold brr. If you like it baby hotel lobby. Can you work me baby like Pilates? Ima do my fitness everyday so you can come and get it, have your way."

Nicho - Throat Goat - Nicho would be dominant most of the time, but the one time it would come out the most would be when it comes to oral, he is the definition of a receiver rather than a giver, has the biggest kink for face fucking, won't admit it but he'd rather fuck your throat instead of your other holes, yet you know how he feels about it with how often he brings it up despite his excuses of he just doesn't want to get you pregnant or he doesn't have any condoms on him, iconic lyrics include "I could take it all love it big or small. Make it hit the wall I'm the throat goat. I just sucked my ex, no gag reflex. I just had to flex I'm the throat goat."

Euijoo - Coconuts - We all have openly decided Euijoo's a titty man, we all know he said his dream as a child was do be a dad, so like a breeding kink is obvious, of course he would have one, but what comes with being a titty man and having a pregnant s/o, a lactation kink, the first time he seems you start producing milk, he would go feral, you might have to remind him that the milk isn't just for him but for the child you two are the parents of, iconic lyrics include "My coconuts you can put em in your mouth. My coconuts watch em bounce up and down. Cocolicious dripping down your face. So delicious bet you wanna taste."

Yuma - Your Wish Is My Command - Yuma I feel like this part of his brain just wants you to submit completely to him, just turn your brain off and let him take care of you, he knows what's best for you, give him both sexual and nonsexual dominance, let him decide what you need, what you want, what you get, he deciding your clothing, how your hair looks, when you have sex and whether you get a release or not, you are nothing more than his stupid little doll who needs him to control every aspect of your life for you since you can't care for yourself, iconic lyrics include "Your wish is my command. Baby I can do it baby I can do it. Daddy you got permission. Put me into position. Come on teach me a lesson. I can be your possession."

Jo - Sex Talk - I feel like Jo would need to have an emotional connection with someone before doing anything, due to this he might be awkward discussing things face to face, but like he would be a menace when texting, sexting and phone sex would get him off just as much as sex sex would, if not more, and he wouldn't admit it, but sometimes he'd prefer it, would probably immediately bust a nut the first time you send him a nude and the first time you send him an audio and the first time you send him a video, but he will not tell you that since your ego doesn't need to be inflated anymore than it is already, iconic lyrics include "When you talk to me it turns me on. And I love your attention. Give it to me. Give it to me. And I need all your affection. Just tell me what you need. All your fantasies all of your desires."

I definitely need to listen to these songs now but not only do I trust your judgment based on this beautiful analysis- it's too detailed to miss the mark- Its great and Oh so true (watch me make a special playlist with these songs too bdsgjsgs thanks anon)

#corner thoughts #&team hard thoughts #&team hard hours

[thegroundsofbrooklyn]

thoughts on west endsies because now that i've been five times i feel like i should hop on this bandwagon

(below the cut)

- mark. mark's mike is so clearly extremely anxious and uncomfortable in large crowds a lot of the time. when he comes on behind specs after they raise the prices he's fidgeting with his necktie and he looks so small and. i live for this okay

- more on that. mike is the last newsie to leave the theatre after jack scabs and when he goes up to jack he looks so vulnerable. god i want to give him a hug

- race covers romeo's eyes during that's rich mocking the way davey covers les' and i love it

- damon's davey. i have so much to say about this. he's so different from ryan's davey in that his anxiety manifests itself as being EXTREMELY uptight and straightforward ?? and the way he gets more and more comfortable over the course of the show ... so normal about it fr

- the javey with damon's davey is MSDJSNF because damon's davey is that little bit more physical and up-close and it makes the javey like. 15x stronger

- ross saying "IT'S ABOUT TIME" when jack and katherine kiss during the finale

- jomike. platonically or otherwise it is so real in this production it is so canonical and i will die on this hill. last time i went mukeni fully picked mark up bridal-style while they were waiting for their papers. they're besties your honour

- speaking of. ralbert. this is an entirely different breed of ralbert and it's so perfect. they feel ?? older ??? more mature but not in the make-sensible-decisions way just in the make-stupid-decisions-despite-having-properly-thought-them-through-and-knowing-full-well-they're-stupid way

- ngl during seize the day they fully nearly dropped matt if morgan hadn't been standing behind him and caught him he would have gone splat

- speaking of. morgan's finch is a parrot crossbill sorry i don't make the rules

- i am headcanoning specs and albert as having evening jobs working at medda's theatre because they operate the lights during that's rich. it's canonical guys you heard it here first

- owen had a fake moustache for bill ... i do not enjoy that at all <- he is petty and does not like change (also the colours of bill and darcy's costumes are switched around from livesies and it is SO confusing. the suits are so gorgeous but please my poor brain can't handle the confusion)

anyways this was a long time coming i might add more next time i see it (like. two and a half weeks) (look forward to it)

#newsies #west endsies #i love this show so much

[kanna-banana]

Ok, serious talk, I know nobody wants to read this but I'll feel better posting somewhere as opposed to vomiting my feelings all over my friends again, they've had enough, please feel free to ignore this and I'll be back to being silly in no time

Ok so, I know my blog is uncomfortable to read, I understand that my negativity and constant venting is at best annoying and at worst upsetting, i am aware of that but I also know that bottling up is worse to me and i feel like a liar if i just pretend everything is fine and just post silly stuff here.

My friends keep telling me I'm not a horrible person and am pretty funny actually and I think that is because they've know me for years and I was like that but things have not been going well im the last few years.

Yes I am not a bad person and I can be funny sometimes, but all of that gets overshadowed by the numerous mental issues I have and cannot cope with properly.

English is not my first language language so this gets a bit confusing because this nuance is pretty tricky in the language but as you all know is that "i am" can mean either "i am like this at the moment" (example "I'm cold" or "I'm hungry", those are not things that are inherent to you, they are temporary states) or "i am like this PERIOD" (example "I'm human" or "I'm Brazilian", they are permanent states about yourself)

Now

I know I AM (inherent) creative, funny sometimes, alright at drawing, and a bunch of other nice things people say about me when I'm crying, but you have to understand that i also am (temporary) completely fucked up mentally and emotionally, I'm not saying I'm going to be "cured" from being autistic btw, I'm counting not being able to handle my issues "being a bad temporary thing", like, i will never stop having ADHD symptoms (cannot afford a diagnosis so I'll just call them symptoms for now, or signs if you thing the word 'symptom' is a bit tone deaf) but i know i can learn how to live with it and function, even if my functioning looks very different from what's expected from a neurotypical person.

I am, at the moment, NOT DEALING WITH MY SHIT PROPERLY, and THAT is the issue I believe can be fixed. I will never have a good knee again, even after the surgery I just feel less pain, but i can learn how to adapt to my limitations, you know?

So, I am not, inherently, a failure, i know I'm not stupid or ugly or boring, but I'm so full of debuffs that basically I'm a piece of shit right now.

Yes, I did quit my job and tried to become a web developer and it went catastrophically bad, but I can't even count that as a failure because i NEEDED to quit that job either way (it was destroying my mental health) and if you're gonna quit going to live with a friend so dear to you she's basically a sister for a while and learning a skill you always wanted to at least start learning, isn't it worthy?

Yeah I "failed", but the happiness i felt along the way was worth even if it didn't work out in the end.

I know that, my mind knows that, but my feelings are absolute chaos and I sometimes fall into a deep self hatred spiral that makes me believe lies about everything around me, it even makes me believe everyone secretly hates me, which is OBJECTIVELY not true, if there's one thing I am in this world is loved.

I know it's sad, annoying, or even upsetting to see my posts and I'm not going to pretend they're inevitable, I CAN stop myself and I should have better restraint, I'm failing at that and I apologize for all the negative feelings I might have caused.

I know it's a pretty hard goal considering how my life is a huge mess right now, but my goal in life is to be the trans person i needed to meet when I was in the closet.

I want to be the type of happy, mature and intelligent person that my friends were when I met them 6? 7 years ago?

The people that completely shattered an entire lifetime of prejudice and fear that was forced into my brain since i was a toddler, the type of people that made me look at transphobic posts and go "that's not true, I've met trans people and they're some of the best people i know", the type of people who made me realize living as who you really are is both possible and achievable.

I want to be that person, someone who, just by being themselves, can melt away prejudice or at least be that kink in the armor of an angry reactionary that one day will help shatter the barrier of lies they protect themselves with and help them see that this hate was manufactured to use them as paws in a stupid made up culture war.

I got out of this horrible place with the help of wonderful people i will never be able to thank enough, and my dream is to help others out too.

I'm not saying i want to "trans" others, obviously, just to show that we are not the weird monsters thet so many out there want you to believe we are. To destroy the prejudice with the power of a honest, happy existence.

I want to be the person I needed when I was younger, lost, depressed, considering suicide, and constantly angry at anyone the liars and grifters who I trusted told me to hate.

I want to become the person who would have saved me back them.

I know it's going to take a lot of work, I have many barriers ahead of me, some inside of myself, some external, but neither way I have a LOT of work to do, and if there's one thing i can never do is give up.

I don't even know what "giving up" means at this point, I have to keep going, not only for myself but for those I might help in the future.

I can't change the past. I can't erase the harm my bigoted ignorant words caused, but I can grow into a person who heals as much as i used to hurt.

I know I'm a handful right now, and I am trying to control my words until i have the means to work on myself and improve as a person. Just, please be patient with me. If my posts upset you in the past please for your own sake unfollow/block me, I'm sorry I hurt you while trying to hurt myself, but unfortunately it will probably happen again, and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone that hurts you, even if they didnt INTEND to hurt you.

I am NOT (inherent) a failure

I am (temporary) failing

But I will get better.

I don't know how, I don't really have a plan, but I will figure it out somehow.

Life is not a game. I am not in a "doomed run", I can and I WILL live and be the best person I can be.

Thank you.

#kannablogiguess #kind of positive?

[team-council-two]

what do you think of the headcanon that Heavy is fluent in English, and simply fakes being bad at it so people leave him be ? would that explain to you the inconsistent, odd language patterns he has ? would you have additional ideas of purposefully bad English he would use ?

To be honest, I'm not a fan of this idea, mostly because of the way I and a lot of people I know personally experience language-based bias.

I like to think my written English is fluent, and my spoken English is alright enough to qualify me as a language teacher, but I still very much do have an accent. Aside from that, I currently live and study in a place where people are fluent in a language I speak with difficulty, often making grammar mistakes and misusing or mispronouncing words. Kind of how Heavy does.

And the last thing any fluent speaker does when noticing it is leave me alone.

You see, when your language skills aren't that of a native speaker, there are automatically two walls of disadvantage in front of you. One of them is natural, the other one - imposed by society. The first one is easy to explain. You don't process the information you hear as quickly, you can't think of a suitable reply on time, you miss on a lot of conversations. You can't joke properly because jokes require their own, comedic timing, usually faster than your brain can work. You can't discuss a lot of topics you're passionate about because you lack the terminology. All of these things are deeply frustrating and infuriating, and something I personally wish was featured more often in Heavy-centered fanfiction, next to the funny misunderstandings and light-hearted quirks. But that's not what the ask is about, so I digress.

The imposed disadvantage is more nuanced and more unfair. When you speak a little slower than everyone else, use simpler words, and make grammar mistakes even a child wouldn't make, people start thinking you're... well, dumb. And from there on it can go several different ways, none of them - pleasant. Case one - they don't figure you're a foreigner, and just think you're stupider than them, so you get the respective treatment. People start speaking obnoxiously slowly to you, talking over you, poking fun at your language quirks, listening to how you say something over what you're actually saying. Case two - they do figure you're a foreigner, and it's miles worse in my experience, because not only do they base their perception of you on their internally pre-existing stereotypes and notions, they'll also base their perception of your home on your behavior. So you become sort of like a harbinger of all of Russia. Everybody's very excited to talk about that one Russian friend they have who drinks like a sailor and lives in Moscow, and whether or not you know him by any chance. Oh, and you still get the "dumb" treatment, just with other issues on top.

And you're probably reading this thinking "that's bullshit, I don't do that", and it's good if you don't, but there's also something I like to call a White Savior Complex: Extended Cut. It's when a good native-speaking samaritan decides to be your all-time language teacher, and I swear they're sometimes even worse because they think themselves so noble and awesome for helping you that they don't hesitate talking down both to you and about you, like hey, this is my friend Misha, his language skills are terrible so I'll be speaking in his stead 99% of the time, isn't that wonderful!

That's the kind of experience no person would subject themselves to willingly. The only reason I don't try to get rid of my accent is because it's a somewhat rare cultural mash-up that I want to preserve, but I swear most of the time it would make my life so much easier if people treated me the way they treat native speakers.

Now, that, of course, is not a universal experience, and you may have it differently, but that's my opinion. I don't think Heavy would pretend to be non-fluent on purpose, unless it's some kind of ruse, like Medic's "German tourist" gig for organ-harvesting.

Do his mistakes sound artificial to me? Not really. When trying to purposefully make mistakes, as I do when I write Heavy, I mostly think in terms of my native language anyway. Mistakes made on purpose and mistakes made accidentally tend to be the same if the person making them is basing them on their native language.

Hope this answers your question. Let me know if you need any further clarification, and have fun writing!

#Heavy Language Post #tf2 #tf2 heavy #the council has spoken

[wobinofylisse]

I've been thinking of getting last faith cause I love thw bloodborne vibes and I absolutely LOVE blasphemous 1 and 2 (god I hope we get DLC for 2 like we did 1).

Anyways what issues are you referring to so I'll know

So when you look at the game it's very important to note that it's essentially a castlevania game but with some souls stuff thrown in. Kinda in a way that it feels like it was added for marketing purposes.

I'll start with a subjective issue which is the music kinda sucks. It's sad piano music throughout almost the entire game and my brained tuned it out so much that sometimes I'd eventually notice that at some point the music had stopped in entirely in the area I entered.

That aside, the dark souls stuff holds the game back.

The game doesn't ever pause despite there not being any online and you can't even use items from your inventory and have to manually set things to your hot bar so it's not like you could gain an advantage through it.

You lose currency in death but there's no physical currency you can use and health items are a limited consumable. So every time you lose a fight and want to level a different weapon or just get more health items, you gotta grind for it.

Difficulty can be all over the place so it's very hard to tell if you shouldn't be somewhere or it's just a stupid difficulty spike.

While the ds leveling system is a cool addition to the castlevania style of game, pretty much all dex weapons have actually garbage damage output and guns are so bad that the instinct stat can just be ignored altogether unless you want to use the few spells that scale with it.

Status effects are so detrimental that especially early game, getting inflicted with a status is pretty much just a death sentence.

Moving on to the more actual gameplay design.

Movement is done in such a weird way where it feels kinda clunky and a lot of moves don't properly flow together as smooth as they should.

Double jump is like 60-70% into the game which wouldn't be an issue but almost all ledges are meant to be grabbed and your jump height will only take you to the ledge, so you're constantly watching the climbing animation everytime you make a jump. It's small but it's frustrating.

Early game gives you almost nothing to work with unless you go str, which if you do play it you should. Otherwise not only is the early game gonna be a lot harder but the late game is filled with enemies that deal frost damage which your frost res scales with strength making the late game that much worse.

Guns suck especially when compared to magic as an alternative for your off hand slot. Magic doesn't need to be upgraded like guns and will scale with mind well enough and occasionally instinct. Guns only scale with instinct and with the exception of one gun they all scale very poorly. Guns need to be upgraded the same as your primary weapon but upgrading weapons is very very expensive. Guns use a limited bullet resource that when depleted requires you to scavenge from enemies when depleted meaning that they're very inconsistent in terms of use unlike magic where you can use items to restore fp. Neither guns or magic can be used in the air but some magic has anti-air potential at least. Guns don't do enough damage to bypass any of its flaws and outside of a few niche situations, it's almost always better to just walk over and hit whatever you would shoot at.

Again with the guns and magic can't be used in the air. This means that anything flying requires you to poke it to death. Some of the endgame bosses only fly around. No this is not fun to deal with.

Lots and lots of projectile spam from enemies. Your roll only gives i-frames against projectiles but it neither tells you this nor is it consistent in what you can roll through.

The parry requires you to hold r1 and press y which for some people is a really big deal, I don't really see it as an issue tho. The issue with the parry tho is that it is extremely inconsistent and you can't tell what attacks you can actually parry.

While it is encouraged for you to use elemental buffs on your weapon, it's not very well communicated what will be effective against what and at some point I think bosses stop getting status effects all together.

Side quests seem very basic and are pretty much all just find the 1 thing that the character asked you for then you get no reward and they might just leave the game forever. There's a point of no return at the end of the game that you aren't told about and it makes it impossible to finish any side quests.

Story is kinda eh. Lot of it is characters vagueing about stuff or talking in jargon and I stopped feeling invested in the world building because it felt is need to watch some randos video essay just to understand anything. Especially with how little it explains towards the end.

I say all this and I still think it has the bones of a good game and with the proper work it could be made much better.

I'm hopeful.

#The Last Faith #Kind of a long ramble #Tried to keep it spoiler free and more objective #There's just a lot of stuff that's kinda baffling that it got through testing #I enjoyed it enough to 100% it and want to do another run after it's fixed #So fingers crossed that happens #Also thanks for indulging me #I like rambling about games at 4am

[lizziestudieshistory]

hi! how do you recommend i should prepare myself for college? im currently in the final year of high school. in what capacity would i need to change myself for college? i plan on developing habits this year which can help me in college. your suggestions will be helpful.

Hi, sorry for taking a while to respond, I've been ill all week and wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I was partly uncertain because I think you are from the US? (Correct me if I'm wrong!) And your college experience is very different from university here in the UK. However, there are a few universal tips I can give for anyone leaving compulsory education and entering into higher education for the first time.

Firstly, don't think about this as changing yourself! It's just another step and you will naturally fall into it. Everything I THOUGHT university would be like ended up being a lot of nonsense. You'll naturally fall into your working rhythm and find your place wherever you end up going! Be your authentic self and you'll have a blast. Seriously, going to university should be the best thing you do for yourself, otherwise it's not worth it!

Secondly, habits/learning tips. This is an easier one to give advice for, but it will probably feel incredibly vague right now:

Learn to how to skim and scan texts when reading (they are different!). Start practicing now and you'll thank yourself during your first term! You rarely need to read a whole text, so learn how to quickly and efficiently find what you need by learning how to find key words and arguments. Make skimming and scanning your first instinct when reading academically. It's hard and you'll find yourself slipping into reading the whole book/article a lot to start with, but I promise you it will save you A LOT of time and frustration.

Start developing a good routine for you to study. Learn when, where, and how you're most productive and make this a routine. I've learnt that I CAN'T concentrate properly in the afternoon, my brain gives up! But it took me YEARS to internalise this and I wasted so many hours trying to work in the early afternoon. Now I structure my study days around when I work best (seriously I get up at 5:30 so I can be working between 6:00 and 11:30, then have the afternoon off before doing a couple of hours around 8:30 at night) it can be irritating but I have a good study/life balance now AND I'm more productive!

Experiment with note taking styles. I've gone through SO many different systems, platforms, and techniques for note taking. It took me a while to work out that I need to take linear, bullet pointed notes BY HAND to remember information. I used to type everything and it went in one ear and out the other. Now I take notes by hand and it's been revolutionary.

Start everything EARLY. Don't let yourself be that person pulling an all nighter to get an assignment in on time. Start early, give yourself time to reflect on what you're doing, and finish a couple of days before the deadline. This way you have a buffer in case something goes wrong. I was never the person working up until the last minute (I'm too anxious to do that to myself) but I watched friends have breakdowns because they didn't start early enough.

Learn to draft anything you'll submit for formal assessment. Don't be the idiot who writes an essay and submits it without checking it... It makes you look stupid and you'll lose marks. Take the time to do a second and third draft, your grades will thank you. And proofread (I say having not proofread ANYTHING on this blog...)

Get out of the habit of thinking I don't want to go to X lesson/class. You might think it's harmless now, but as soon as you leave compulsory education and don't HAVE to go to that dreaded class you won't. Then you start skipping lectures, fall behind, and risk failing. Again, I watched too many people do this...

Practice self-discipline and motivation. Right now you HAVE to work on things, so you do. When the external motivators go away all you're left with is your own drive. For some people (me) this was GREAT because I hated performing to school systems. However, for others they can crumble without a teacher encouraging you to work... Learn to motivate yourself. If you take ANYTHING from this list then work on this one, seriously it'll be a life saver!

Honestly, the rest will come with time. The biggest thing you can do is work out what kind of learner you are, how do you LIKE to learn when away from the routines of school. When, where, and how do you like to learn? Practice notetaking and reading skills. Otherwise, the rest will depend on what sort of college/uni you end up at and what course you're taking.

The final thing I want to say is not really a tip, but something I think EVERYONE on the cusp of going into higher education should hear. Find out why you want to learn. Higher education is a big investment. It's years of your life and A LOT of money (especially in the UK and US with tuition fees and living expenses!) It's a lot of time, energy, and resources to throw into something if you're only doing it because it's expected of you or you don't know what else to do with your life.

So take some time to think about WHY you want to learn. What is it about your specialism that makes you love it? Why is it your passion?

I live and breathe history because I can't face living without it. For me it's the discipline where I really get to understand humanity, explore what makes us "tick". I feel connected with people through history. I'm fascinated by, and a little bit in love with, humans. I don't necessarily like speaking to people! But I love trying to find out who we are through what our history says about us. Fundamentally, humanity is both terrible and beautiful! And through history I get to see the best, worst, and crucially the most mundane of human existence... And it's in that mundane space where I find myself happiest because that's who we are. It's why I study popular religion, not high Church movements... But it is the curiosity about people that drives me to learn more. THAT'S why I study, THAT is why I bothered to drag myself out of bed a half 5 on a freezing January morning in 2018 to get to an 8:30 lecture and listen to a truly MAD man tell me about 17th century English preaching styles (real story, I loved that lecturer deeply... I was the only person at that lecture and it is the reason I am the historian I am today, I have so much respect for him and I am STILL inspired by what I heard that morning!)

Anyway... Find your reason to keep going with your studies, even when it seems pointless and you'd much rather give up. I'm not saying it has to be a grand, abstract desire to understand humanity - I'm a pretentious humanities student who is far too fond of religion. Your reason could be anything, a dream job, a desire to "get out" of a situation, academic brilliance, spite! Seriously, it doesn't matter! As long as it gives you a purpose and drive to learn. Without that reason you'll be wasting your time.

So, before you go, have a think about why you're going to university at all and make sure it's strong enough to get you out of bed ridiculously early on a freezing January morning. That way you won't miss the most inspiring moment of your life. Or you'll get a fantastic degree. That's also nice 😉

#studyblr #gradblr #i may have gone off on one at the end there #i stand by what i said #asks #anonymous #try not to think too hard about going to uni #it will work itself out #i promise! #and enjoy your time! I'm very jealous and want to be an undergrad again! #long response