#my throats still tight

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yk, its weird being Way Too Aware & In Control of yourself bc technically i believe im having a panic attack. but somehow i am Very Unbothered by this, bc i know whats happening and its illogical. my body's having an overreaction and i couldn't be fucked to join in

#im sitting here casually looking up symptoms to make sure this is a Panic attack and not a Heart attack #got those heart palpies got that chest pain got that sense of Derealization got that shortness of breath #i even feel a lil faint! ive even got a hot flash goin on! tightness in the throat! the whole enchilada #and yet! im somehow vibing... #my body's throwing a fit smh calm down bro its not that bad... #maybe you'll calm down if i drink some water and eat some fruit <3 #shoulda known this was coming... was lying awake at 4 am with really bad palpatations s. m. h. #honestly! this is very annoying! #my vision tried to tunnel exactly Once but i fought it off. idiot meatsuit.... #breathing exercises and internal mantras babeyyyyyy i got this shit on Lock #oh! and look at that! my heart is finally chilling out #still gonna eat water and drink fruit #yall should do that too. at least the water part #go drink water! go! shoo! #hydrate or diedrate! always pick hydrate! #absolutely unprompted #alright well that was fun. only lasted for about *checks nonexistent watch* over an hour #i dont think ive had one that bad before! it really tried to Get Me! #had to fight off the deep sense of dread and rising panic with a mental broom!! #finishing my rebels rewatch helped but still. damn. these demons have hands #my brain: OH WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING ITS A HEART ATTACK WE'RE GONNA DIE AND ROT FOR DAYS BEFORE OUR BODY IS FOUND OH GOD ITS HAPPENING #hard cut to me vibing with a martini.... wii music on blast... hawaiian shirt On and Unbuttoned... #anyway. drink some water. get some fruit. Thrive!

[demonsfate]

i either gave myself a concussion or i developed a sinus infection from the cold or both but it's been driving me wild for the past few days.

#✏️ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ // (ooc) #// i can't stim at all without feeling dizzy and sick #// and it sucks 'cos stimming comes as naturally to me as speaking or walking #// i partially think it's a sinus infection #// 'cos i get this real sharp pain shooting thru my face when i sniffle #// plus i get 'toothache' like pains #// as well as my nose still running every now and then and my throat feeling tight & hurting sometimes #// even tho i should be practically better by now #// but another part of me thinks i gave myself brain damage #// because my eyes have been acting weird - and often seeing a trail behind things in motion #// and that was happening before i was sick #// but i never noticed dizziness or headaches/brain fog UNTIL AFTER i was sick... #// and it happened when i was gently swaying rather than hard rocking #// so i dunno what it could be #// i'll have to wait until monday before i can make an appointment with the doc :(

[prolibytherium]

In a cruel twist of fate after having desperately craved crabflesh for an entire week and FINALLY gotten myself a fried crab po'boy for lunch today, I appear to have developed an adult onset shellfish allergy. Not bad enough to stop me though

#I was like Why is my throat so tight and itchy. Weird. Well these things happen #I'm still not 100% sure though since it was pretty mild and it's mostly faded now. But probably. #I can live with it if it's JUST a crab allergy but if it expands to other shellfish I may have to end it all #If I cant have my monthlyish crayfish boil intake my life is pretty much over

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Would love to know why my body has suddenly decided that it's okay to give up on trying to function when it's actually super not okay

#not snz #but i am coughing like hell so there's that #I'm not even sick or anything #my respiratory system is just being a bitch #tell me why I've been doing intense cardio for basically my whole life #never had a problem with any of it before #swam at the junior olympic level #was on the track and cross country teams all of high school #and now all of a sudden my throat wants to try to close whenever i run for more than twenty minutes #lung wise i was getting in enough oxygen but Something Was Happening #and it's been like twenty hours at this point and I'm still feeling it in my throat #fucking dying #i can breathe fine now like it's not bad anymore #but i can still fucking feel it #and if i breathe too deeply in makes me cough like hello wtf #my chest gets a little tight sometimes after i run but this is something else #and it's literally only when i run i can do any other type of cardio or exercise and it's fine #and it's not even every single time i run #fucking sporadic #hate it here

[oatbugs]

i can feel every single nerve and organ and bone inside my body. an exercise in emptiness: what will the next thought in your head be?

#i feel like im going insane . went in the psych department w my friend again i decided to stop hating it for no reason except that its not #maths . why the fuck dont you study ? because the module name starts with a PS ? i need to love it without #feeling shame for myself . i feel like im gonna get into trouble with my university for prying open locked automatic doors at 1 AM but its #alright (that building is haunted anyway). its not about him but it is but it really isnt its about everything it means its about the way i #cant cry for myself the way i used to its the sadness and happiness and that im turning 20 soon and im going a little insane but im shocked #that i still have friends i love im shocked that i am loved im shocked that i dont feel disgusted thinking about him yet #(and ill look for a man to turn me into a hare just like you did when you did what you did) #when alt j 3ww said . f5 f6 f6 f5 f5 #i constantly feel like my chest is about to explode and i have no idea why its a physical pain its great and also horrible #id like to rip out my ribcage and put a bird and some flowers inside it id like to rip out my sternum and pierce the thoughts with it #4 43 AM i have an exam about brains i stared at a vintage photo of a brain pinned and labelled i learned the names and positions of sulci #im learning about magic (action potentials) and gates inside your brain and every day i learn how hard your body tries to keep you alive #(his lips turn sharp when he smiles) (choking on flowers and music and fear) (feel every feeling inside my throat feel metal at the back #of my head) (i miss your hard edges i miss your bone marrow) #hypothesis : perhaps if i put my lips on someone elses lips and i dont let go of them for a few hours ill be okay #needle (sharp like the spice in what i made you) shooting 5 mg of haldol straight into the hypothalamus . gave myself a concussion and #since that night my head has been blooming . the violin today felt like liquid gold . moderato - spiritoso - the bow turned my heart inside #out . id like to scream and i have no idea why but one day i will turn my vertebrae into a bouquet of flowers for you all. #yesterday my boy with the beautiful hair looked at me and held me tight enough that i heard his heartbeat (or maybe it was mine) #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on him for this except his heart has been crushed by the mathematician discerning eyes #for a while and a half . #dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed and your hand touches my hand and every day i am amazed by the way your mind #turns my guts and my heart inside out #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on his bony shoulders for this except his lungs have filled with water #for a while and a half . dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed i stare at the grace of her hands you are evidence #that angels and pomegranate seeds and create the economist of our dreams . game theory and good actions by any other name . #she makes the sound the sea makes knee deep in the north sea

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

Do you think any of the students are religious or come from a religious household?

Mandy is supposed to be ‘a church going girl’ ,but idk if she's actually religious. I reckon that there'd be at least one greaser that would take a bedazzling gun and write ‘John 3:16’ or something in metal studs on their jacket

oh why hi!!

i'll start from mandy since you gave me the first example and i see exactly what you mean. she probably grew up christian and, since she's not yet in a phase of questioning the way she's been brought up, she still goes to church and so forth

but she's not that much of a believer, honestly it's more a matter of… not stopping what she's been doing. she probably cringes a bit even when people bring up religious stuff

also picking up on the greaser thing. both ricky and johnny are deeply catholic.

ricky's father was born and raised in naples, so ricky grew up with that. he always wears a cross under his shirt

johnny's family was never particularly religious, but he always believed strongly. something something if god has forgiveness for everyone maybe there's some hope for me too

peanut and his mother aren't religious either, but he has a… special relationship?? with mary. like he's no jesus but. a young girl who was preparing herself to be an adult but whose life was turned upside down by a pregnancy that would've given a new meaning to her life? he always kinda saw his mom that way. if that makes sense

most preps were raised christian too i think, protestant?? but they vary in. how much they really believe

(also this applies to most of the students tbh. some define themselves atheists, such as beatrice or lance, or still say they're christian but don't care about religion much, like bo or gordon, but generally not many students have a strong sense of religion)

tad for example has. a difficult relationship with religion. bc god is a father and he's compassionate and forgiving but to him that's… a disturbing discrepancy

justin wonders if mary ever hated her child. if she would've wanted to live a different life instead of being an important man's mother forever. his mother sure does.

parker was raised christian by his father, but he learned about confucianism from his uncle (his mother's brother, since her side of the family has korean origins). his father never liked it though, so parker is usually quite quiet about his religion

pete's family is of polish jewish origins; to him, his religion has less to do with his spiritual beliefs and more with the bond with his family, his cultural heritage and his community

cornelius is studying pagan religions and witchcraft; the other nerds took a while to understand that he was seriously religious and not just interested intellectually (the way melvin is, for example)

constantinos' parents both come from christian orthodox families, but neither them nor him are particularly religious

#to me its also pretty that im answering this as on christmas day tbh!! not to shove it down everyones throats but. lots of feels #also i noticed theres a shit ton of christian-related stuff in proportion and i apologize!! in my defense i grew up in a tight knit catholi #community and a good portion of ppl i know either are still hardcore believers or are recovering from some level of religious trauma so. #gotta project those on someone hfjd #if anyone has something else to add ill gladly read!! bc of my background i have. less familiarity w the way. other people can Feel abt #their religion/the religion they were brought up with/religion as a concept so ill be more than happy to listen!! #bully #canis canem edit #bully canis canem edit #bully scholarship edition #bully anniversary edition #cce #bully cce #odyposts

[gaytedlasso]

Felt like I was dying but drank some water and had a snack and I feel moderately better

#fr thi my chest and throat were super tight #not helped by my back being sore #likely from drawing all day #drank a cup of hot water to relax #and ate some cheese lol #still feel meh but better

[ithacanradio]

i was tormented by thoughts of david tennant's characters at 15 and the same thing is still happening now at 25 he can't keep getting away with it

#going to study closing my app rn i just wanted to say #how fucking good is he??? #ive been thinking about crowley's swagger walk for the past ten minutes and before that it was the delivey of the confession!! #good lord not one tear spilled and still with just the tightness of the throat and the pauses he conveys it all!! #the tired 'don't bother' the lil dances he does in every character #i would like to incorporate that into my own essence that makes sense? he's that charismatic

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Saw you posting Reki again. Everything okay?

(Thanks for showing us Reki 🥰)

lol

i mean like. literally speaking, yes. but i ran out of my meds a little over a week ago and keep forgetting to call the doctor's office to get a refill before they close so i have. not been Great this week but for literally No Reason lol

always i will always show reki have you seen him? have you seen my reki? okay thank you anyway. i love my reki. reki, my love...

oF sKaTeBoArDiNg

#crogan tag #lol i've also just been. really tired this week and stressed about practicum because we go into the field next monday and we STILL don't #have our placements which is frustrating and i accidentally fell asleep for a half hour earlier today and had... well it wasn't a nightmare #but i woke up Feeling like it was like i felt like i couldn't breathe for a minute and i was like Scared for a good minute after i woke up #even tho nothing happened and my heart was racing and it kind of just. never went away and like head has been... not throbbing but i can #feel this like. pulsing behind my eyes and up in my forehead and idk why and like i'm starting to cry as i type this and idk why because #like there's no genuine reason for me to be sad right now and i think that's getting to me and my throat has been tight all day like #swallowing hurts and not in the sick kind of way and idk reki just makes me happy i love him i love him so much frick i need to hug vanessa #(my stuffed animal pig) right now idk why typing this is getting to me or even why i'm typing this sorry not to just dump everything on you #i'm sure this was a joke and like it's actually really funny and i giggled but now i'm suddenly realizing that h #*hm maybe i'm not lol i just feel bad because my mental health has been so bad this week that i just haven't been answering any messages #frick sorry this is a lot i'm so sorry i'm hoping that typing this out in the tags will make me calm down or feel better or. idk whatever #ranting in the tags usually makes me feel better because i'm saying Something and not just stewing in it also i swear i can hear my #eyebrows moving and it's so weird like that's not a bad thing i just keep noticing it and i can Hear them maybe i'm just neurodivergent lol #just a random observation... or maybe i'm just tired lol bestie i am so so rry this is a lot feel free to ignore my tags you didn't ask for #this oiugytftgyhujis also i Have stopped crying so like it only lasted for a minute - woooooo #i hope you're doing well <3 #corey rambles:)

[someoneimsure]

hey idk what's going on but i hope you're ok. i can't say i'm here for you if it's like, too heavy a topic but i'm down to distract ya or something if ya ever need it.

I really needed to talk about this apparently. So I'm going to ... talk about it and just talk about my experience with being triggered. And knowing someone is listening does help, strangely. It also might help distract with it, idk. I don't mean to overwhelm this ask but I hope it gives some context as to what was happening and that it helps other people who go through something similar.

I am a little embarrassed to talk about this and almost put all of this under a read more, but I think that might also make it worse so. Apologies for the long post.

What triggered everything is, it's--I can't say it's stupid because that makes the situation worse. It was not stupid. But it felt "stupid".

Basically, I was thinking about something to write about (a personal experience turned into a viligante!reader snippet for tumblr) only to then experience very random--okay, not really random, but seriously intrusive thoughts about my biggest traumas all at once. I was so upset that I felt I needed to leave tumblr temporarily because I believe some BS on tumblr caused it and it was--it was not stupid, my reaction to it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid" because it was a significantly delayed trauma reaction and the situation really didn't call for such an--It's not stupid, but it felt "stupid".

First time I've experienced that in a literal decade. It was horrible. Half of my brain was super pissed off about it, about myself, about my body, which did not help the part of myself that just kept spiraling down a deep dark rabbit hole of nausea, dread, and shaking. It was like a dragon stomping around in the brain while the rest of me was tumbling down a very steep mountain. It caused a lot of emotional pain and the heavy blankets I used would not work.

So I stepped off tumblr. Tried the heavier heavy blanket, which also didn't work. And discovered I couldn't write. So nothing changed.

So I went back to tumblr because there was nothing I could do to change my situation and just... talked about it? Sort of? More like complained about my body--which is not stupid, not my fault, it happens sometimes, I'm okay.

So I posted that I was experiencing something horrible and clearly it's--it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid", and the part of myself that was angry and furious and yelling about it was fighting the part of myself that was starting to seize my heart in what felt like a fist covered in iron needles. Which is the indicator that one of my worst anxiety attacks was starting, which always turns into me lying down on the floor wait for hours for the heart pain to stop.

And then I saw the responses on tumblr. And responded to them. And I felt better after posting and acknowledging that people had noticed and I realized it was Not Stupid like my brain kept telling me. The angry part of me shut up. Then I got more responses. I responded to those as well and acknowledged them, and fuck therapy works guys. I almost felt normal. The heavy blanket was working again.

So what could have been a potential trip to the hospital has turned into a learning experience and I am sooo much better now, omfg. I am also extremely exhausted and tired, haha. But I feel almost normal again. That is such a relief. I cannot express my gratitude enough for everyone who reached out and helped me.

Sorry if this is too heavy. Putting the experience into words helps me contextualize it and even feel better about it, strangely enough. I'm gonna maybe write a reader!vigilante snippet that covers the feelings aspect and how it was resolved but with the BatClan. It might turn into something longer, though I probably will not post unless someone expresses interest.

Thank you sincerely for the ask. <3

#i am not ready to talk about the trauma that did trigger this #only because i am worried about triggering myself again #chest and throat are still a little tight but otherwise i feel so normal right now #i could cry i feel so good #just thank you so much for asking! <3 #asks #personal stuff #my body is exhausted but at least it's not super exhausted #i am probably going to bed early because of all this #i forgot that i actually started writing because it was like therapy #it made me feel better #triggered

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#todsy the universe was kind to us ad we didnt have to collect samples on our transects so we finished after only like a couple hours #we had to do a lot of getting around on ATVs so we got back around 4.30 or something #the drive up was really pretty. lots of trees and streams bc we were going up in elevation it was v different #the site was also v pretty. lots of wildflowers. however. whatever was tossing out lots of pollin was murdering my face #i had snot literally pouring out of my face. it was crazy. it was like i was crying from my nose #sneezing all the time and my throat was tight if i walked to one side of the transects so i think it was the pine trees #my nose is so raw now and my lips are like horrifically chapped #like ive got that horrible sicky feeling u get when ur nose has running too much #like down the back of my throat. blah. #sigh... 2 sampling days left and then 2 dats if traveling #ive got a bad feeling abt tomorrow's site. hopefully im wrong #my boss keeps implying that i want to kill her and i csnt tell if its just bc that's what ppl say abt non talkative ppl or if im #just giving off horrible vibes. could b both. its so frustrating tho. like im not plotting anything. i just dont have anything to say rn #and irrationally i feel really guilty for not working on anything when i get back. which is insane bc im physical and mentality exhausted #but i just get back and draw whole time and not in a way that's even satisfying bc half my brain is still on high alert bc there r ppl #around. i sat outside and cried for like a minute bc im too aware of them to even have a proper cry #like i just keep looking at the windows like who's gonna see me? hhhh exhausting #and i think my boss has to finish a poster tonight and its 11 now and shes still in the room on the computer #am i gonna have to stay up until she finishes bc i get freaked out by ppl being awake while im asleep? maybe. i guess we'll find out #and i swear if i bleed thru these fucking sweatpants tonight im gonna lose it #fuck. i shoulf habe put on running shorts when i got ready for bed #now im stuck here 😑 #unrelated

[observeroftheuniverse]

Recently got back to watching Dr. Quinn after taking a break for a bit, and so far I am LOVING married Sully and Michaela. 4x03 was basically just about how they want each other ALL THE TIME and I am here for it!!

But just now I saw a spoilerish thing about them having a baby by the end of this season which tells me Michaela will probably be pregnant within the next few episodes. Which is exactly what I have been dreading/avoiding because pregnancy/childbirth/baby things make me uncomfortable.

#DQMW #Michaela Quinn #Byron Sully #idk what it is but that stuff has always made me uncomfortable #like my throat feels a little tight just thinking about it #I know that's how happy ending/happy family things work #especially in the 1800s #but it still bothers me #It's MY escapist television from before I was born and it should conform to my very specific needs!