#my uncle used his shitty childhood to do that to his kids and came close to getting to me before he was caught

[adastra121]

I made the childhood friend OC from my Touchstarved Hound!MC’s backstory.

Erick the Cloaked Wolf

Pronouns: He/Him Birthday: May 2 Height: 6’0 Personality: Introverted Robin Hood. He leads a crew that steals from the rich to give to the poor. I think he has a lot of big brother energy to his crew and the kids in the slums. Likes: Rooftop views, stupid jokes, strong alcohol, dogs, card games, when things go according to plan Dislikes: Shitty ale, brutes, rich people, tight spaces, surprises (someone will get punched in the face — accidentally or maybe on purpose — if a surprise party jumps out at him) Fatal flaw: Will always take the safe path, no matter what Other: He’s a decent guitarist. Once suggested, when he and Alon were kids, that they start a band and become the most famous bards across the land. And then he heard Alon sing…They became thieves instead.

More about Erick below:

Erick is the childhood friend of my Hound!MC Alon. They met when Alon used their curse on his abusive uncle, and they escaped together.

In contrast to Alon’s friendliness and spontaneity, Erick is more introverted, calculating, cautious, and thoughtful. He never takes action without a well-thought-out plan.

Their differences made them work well together. They challenged each other, pushed each other a little outside of their own comfort zones, and in doing so, they made each other better thieves. Better people, too, for that matter.

Over the years, more and more misfits, runaways and victims joined him and Alon, and they became the Greycloaks. Grey for the stone walls that tower over the Outer District, for the Fog and the Soulless that creep into the slums and disappears its inhabitants to the indifference of the affluent Inner District.

Erick, being the one who usually formed all the plans and kept things in order, was automatically seen as the leader of their motley crew.

He wasn’t born into a great family. His uncle was a drunkard and often beat him before Alon took care of him with her curse. Life at their old orphanage wasn’t much better. As far as he’s concerned, the Cloaks are his family — and he’ll do anything to take care of them.

At first, they stole and did odd jobs together for their own group’s survival, but as time passed, they started to give portions of what they stole to people who needed the coin and the resources.

Eventually, they become something close to folk heroes in the Shade (slang term for the slums in Acaelia's Outer District, which sits right at the border, hence always being in the “shade” of the city’s walls).

It took Erick a while to warm up to Alon — after all, they didn’t meet in the best circumstances. Eventually, though, their goofy and friendly demeanour became safety. A respite from their hellish childhoods. A home.

Erick and Alon were very physically affectionate with each other. Having known each other for years, they’d fallen into a natural rhythm when it came to loving touches. Erick always made sure to avoid their hands, going instead for headpats, wrapping an arm around their shoulders, forehead kisses, piggybacks, fireman carries, and using Alon’s head as a headrest because she is so short.

Alon doesn't often use their hands for physical affection but when she does — like when she cuts or braids his hair — he trusts them implicitly.

He likes to hear Alon sing. They’re atrocious and he knows that, but he also knows they love singing and it makes him happy to see them having fun. That’s why he’ll always be her accompanying melody, even though there is absolutely no chance they’ll earn any coin from it whatsoever.

He bought glasses for Alon. They were a commission. Erick, being Erick, made sure the glasses were practical — they were made to be durable and long-lasting, shatter-resistant so Alon wouldn’t suffer injury to their eyes if they broke.

I made their relationship ambiguous — they could be really close friends or lovers or friends who pined for each other but never pursued romance for whatever reasons. But they were definitely family, and they loved each other deeply. I think the both of them would have been content just living out the rest of their lives together wherever they ended up.

At first glance, he seems more serious and put-together than Alon, but once you warm up to him, you’ll discover that they’re both massive dorks.

He loves bad jokes and dumb humour. He’d laugh at any dad joke. Fortunately for him — unfortunately for everyone else — Alon has a whole arsenal. They’d trade dumb dad jokes back and forth to the rest of the Greycloaks’ chagrin.

Erick has an eidetic memory, which comes in handy for casing a joint or making a profile about a mark.

He prefers to be a careful observer instead of the centre of attention, but if the heist calls for an impromptu performance, he’ll play his part. Even if he’s not looking forward to the teasing from the other crew members afterward.

Wields a shortsword for mercenary work, though he has a strict “no killing” rule. Rule became negotiable by the time Touchstarved main story begins.

Erick had done some underground fighting, though it was a brief run. He actually met another Greycloak in the ring. He prefers not to, but he can, has, and will rock someone's shit if he’s forced into that situation.

He’s good at card games. Almost unfairly good. Alon’s the only one who’s ever won against him at a card game. It was Speed.

Has a soft spot for kids. If life had been different, he probably would have opened up an orphanage.

Has a high alcohol tolerance — he could probably drink a sailor under the table.

Erick is claustrophobic. Small, enclosed spaces make him feel trapped. Much of it is due to trauma from his uncle’s abuse. He has a better handle on it now, but he still gets nervous whenever the need to hide forces him into a small closet or the like.

I feel like in a modern AU, he'd play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons). Actually, I think he'd be a DM (Dungeon Master). He'd really enjoy the planning aspect and leading a group through a story.

His zodiac sign is a Taurus. 

MBTI type is INFJ.

Enneagram is 6w5

I was listening to “Dear Friend Across the River (The Bridge)” by Samuel Kim ft. Rachel Hardy while writing about him.

Full drawing of him:

Alon x Erick Playlist (with additional songs in Erick's perspective):

“A Million Dreams” by Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, and Ziv Zaifman

“Secret Worlds” by The Amazing Devil — I think this one fits their relationship the best.

"To Noise Making (Sing)" by Hozier

“Kids Again” by Artist vs Poet

“Garden” by Dua Lipa

“Wild Blue Yonder” by The Amazing Devil

“I See Fire” by Ed Sheeran

"Safe Ship, Harbored" by The Crane Wives

“As It Was” by Hozier

“Guns for Hire” by Woodkid

“Hurricane” by Thirty Seconds to Mars

“Gravity” by Against the Current

“Snakes” by PVRIS

“So What” by P!NK

“Burn Butcher Burn” Cover by Fruitlegs

"The One That Got Away" Cover by Brielle Von Hugel

“What Could Have Been” by Sting ft. Ray Chen

“Farewell Wanderlust” by The Amazing Devil

“Good Riddance” Cover by annapantsu ft IdrysLTS

“Shrike” by Hozier

"Ruin" by The Amazing Devil

#touchstarved #touchstarved oc #touchstarved game #red spring studio #erick the wolf #erick the childhood friend #I'm not sure if it shows very well in the drawing — Erick has hazel eyes and a dimple #my oc #my art #my original character #original character #oc #alon the hound

[wizkiddx]

supercluster

this is my entry for @hollandsrecs 'toms birthday fanfic fest' event - go check it out!!! I know its a early but im v bored so have it now. also im acc kinda really proud of this one, any feedback would be v appreciated 🤍

the prompt was: 'you and tom are best friends and you tell him that you love him on his birthday'

summary: its toms birthday but he has a few things to get off his chest and into the night sky, y/n joins in with a bit of a revelation too

best friends -> lovers

warnings: mentions of alcohol, bit angsty but promise ends all fluffy and a shit tonne of dialogue

wc: 3.5k ishhh

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Everything got a little too wild and stuffy in the living area, Haz and Harry screaming sweet caroline, whilst Greg (Tom’s stunt man) was pouring *another* round of shots. The sweatiness and clamminess of the room meant Y/n took a moment to escape, sliding out the double doors, and closing them softly behind her to ensure no one would notice her little escape. Something about the midnight air, the slightly dewy smell of the neighbouring fields, felt like it was refreshing Y/n from the inside out. When she turned around, back facing the fancy rented house, she was slightly shocked by Tom standing in the garden. It was his birthday party after all. In all honesty, Y/n felt a bit guilty she hadn’t noticed he wasn’t in the thick of it with his brothers and castmates.

His silhouette was set against the clear night sky, the stars extra prominent this evening and the moon casting a soft glow off the left side of his face, exaggerating the natural contours of his jawline and cheekbones. Clearly, he was enraptured by the sky, staring up at it with a thoughtful look on his face.

And Y/n recognised that look instantly; she knew what he was doing.

In fact, he had taught her to do precisely the same thing. As kids, the Hollands, Y/n’s family and another two families from the local area all went camping together. It was an annual event, ‘the Kingston collective camping adventure’ as Dom had named it. Y/n couldn’t remember a year when they hadn’t gone actually - it was that much of a tradition.

One year, though, when she and Tom were about 9, her mothers’ due date coincided with the camping dates. So, sensibly, the decision had been made that Y/n and her brother would just be looked after by the Hollands - whilst her mum and dad were safely tucked up in bed at home, awaiting the arrival of her littlest brother.

Y/n, her brother Alex, and Tom were all sharing a tent, and it must’ve been at least midnight that Tom was awoken by shuffling and zipping up of the tent. He’d realised she was gone through sleepy eyes and, without a second thought, went to go find her. Sure enough, she wasn’t far away, not even 50 metres from the tent, crouched on the grass. Immediately Tom’s presence had been noticed, making Y/m quickly snivel and wipe her face.

“Are you upset?”

“Go away Tom.” The comment didn’t do a lot, though; instead, 9-year-old Tom had planted himself down next to her - his pyjamas getting wet on the moist grass floor.

“Are you missing Auntie Sarah and Uncle Mike?” In the same way that Y/n called Nikki and Dom auntie and uncle, the Holland boys mirrored the nicknames for her parents. Y/n replied with a long sigh before hiccuping, failing to control the stream of tears. Yes, he was right - this was her first night away from her parents- but she wasn't about to spill her heart out to the 'stupid boy' who had stolen one of her marshmallows that evening. Tom’s little brown eyes swelled, looking slightly terrified and out of his depth, whilst with all his 9 years of wisdom, trying to come up with an answer.

“Do you want to play football to forget about it?”

Unsurprisingly Y/n shook her head violently. Tom cursed inwardly at himself for saying the wrong thing, apparently football wasn't the answer to everything. The two children went back to silence until Tom had the metaphorical light bulb moment. “My mum told me something for when I got to sleepovers? Look!” He grabbed Y/n’s little hand, extending it upwards towards the night sky.

“No matter where you are, you’re all looking at the same stars too, right?”

Tom jumped a little before looking over his shoulder and recognising Y/n with the softest smile that grew across his face. Y/n slowly walked to his side, arms crossed over her chest to try and keep the cold at bay, joining Tom in staring up at the starry expanse.

“How do you always know?” Tom spoke in a breathy chuckle, shaking his head slightly. It was true, she did always know - but his question was somewhat irrelevant. They'd spent most their childhood together, they were as easy to read as a children’s book to each other.

“Missing home?”

“Sort of, I got my own slice of home with the boys and-and you but… pads, mum dad yeh, feel like on your birthday your always supposed to see your family.”

Although Harry, Harrison, Sam and Y/n had managed to fly out to surprise Tom on his birthday- prior commitments meant his parents and youngest brother hadn’t been able to make it. They four arrived yesterday, greeted by a very shocked and pretty emotional Tom - who had clearly been missing the sense of home somewhat. He’d been away shooting a film, then straight away launching into press for the next spiderman movie. It had been a long while since he’d been in London - half a year in fact.

This time too, he’d been away without a single family member or friend - that was another truth he’d learnt about growing up. Your friends and family, they all get lives of their own. Tom used to be a trailblazer, the first to get a job, the one everyone was super proud of. They still were, of course, but didn’t dote on him in quite the same way - everyone had their own shit to deal with. It was yet another reason Tom wasn’t welcoming his birthday as much as he usually would.

“Your parents did always spoil you rotten.”

“They spoilt you worst and you’re not technically their kid.” Y/n rolled her eyes, even if it might slightly true - muttering a ‘touche’ at the brown-haired boy next to her. Their families had always been close; naturally the adults seemed to gravitate more to the kids that weren’t their own. The ones who you could ‘give back’ at the end of the day. It just so happened Nikki and Dom had always loved having Y/n around, maybe a bit more than anyone else.

“Have you had a good birthday then? You should be in there with Greg pouring that shitty vodka down your throat.” Y/n questioned, whilst shrugging back toward the house, the dull thump of Jacob's playlist just audible. Still, both stared upwards, standing close enough that their upper arms were both pressed up against each other. She expected a jovial answer, but even from his tone, it was evident there was something up. He sounded…weary?

“I’m bloody glad you all came...don’t get me wrong, I love Z and Jacob and everyone but….”

“Shitty week?”

“Shitty birthday week of promo and press.” Tom scathed, and Y/n nodded. Even if she couldn’t understand what was so bad about press, she knew that Tom hated it passionately. And in the same way, he loved all his castmates dearly, but they hadn’t known him his whole life. They didn’t understand why he did every little thing; their values lay just that bit apart. It just wasn’t the same as being surrounded with his family - you and Harrison adopted Hollands too.

“I just feel like I’ve spent all week trapped in a room answering the most stupid, irrelevant and inconsequential questions... Everything’s just so surface level and fake and, and I-“He cut himself off, for the first time meeting Y/n’s eyes. In all honesty, Tom got a bit caught up in the stars reflecting off her piercing y/e/c eyes before changing tack.

“Will you do me a favour?”

This wasn’t spoken with the normal Tom tone. It wasn’t joking or jovial; it wasn’t an ‘off the tongue’ thing. This was spoken with such seriousness and gravitas coming from his deep voice that Y/n replied equally truthfully.

“Always T, you know that.”

“Will you please ask me a personal and serious and deep question?”

She got where he was coming from too.

Clearly, even though the evening was supposed to be a light piss up in celebration, it had instead unearthed some darker thoughts that Tom had been harbouring away. Perhaps he never even realised he needed such seriousness, or perhaps with his castmates he hadn’t felt comfortable exposing himself like that. Either way, Y/n was going to respect him now. It was technically his birthday, too; the clocks had already struck 12 - it was now his day.

It wasn’t tricky to think of one; she’d often wondered the same question of him - never with the opportunity to ask. The question popped into her head again, almost as soon as Tom asked for one.

“Okay…. What’s your deepest regret that makes you feel guilty for feeling because in the grand scheme of things, it minor? Like such a 'first world problem'." What do you regret that’s just completely selfish?”

Tom immediately stiffened, his jaw tensing as he worked through his thoughts in his head. Scared she’d pushed it too far, Y/n averted her gaze back to the sky, chewing her bottom lip slightly. It took a moment, but then she saw Tom turn towards her, in the peripheries of her vision. With a tightly closed-lip smirk on his face he joked “If your gonna ask questions like that, we better sit down.”

And so they did, both sitting crossed legged on the ground, knees brushing against each other. Just on the grass lawn, almost mirroring themselves all those years ago as kids in that camping site. Y/n wondered if she should offer to play football instead - to cheer him up.

“Missing out. I miss out months at a time. Miss out on seeing mum and dad, miss out on the pub quizzes with the boys, miss out seeing you… I mean, I didn’t even know you had a new job until you mentioned it this morning. I miss out on time with nana Tess and all my grandparents, and that’s scary cos… well, every time I go, it could be the last time… I don’t know, I just… I get so much, get to travel, to see the world, but… sometimes it feels like I’m sacrificing the foundations. And without the foundations….”

“The walls come crumbling down.” Y/n finished off his sentence quietly, barely whispering the words - but from Tom’s nod of agreement, it seemed like she’d hit the nail on the head. There was silence for a beat till Y/n whispered to him.

“Well, happy birthday to you” Trying to bring the mood up a little, she bumped his shoulder, and Tom chuckled breathily.

“Seriously! This is helping me out. I-I just need to get everything out and start my 25th year fresh.”

“Hey, if that’s all you want, I’m getting a refund on my present- we can just get deep and interview each other.”

“I’m game, except I’m keeping the present too.”

“Just because it’s your birthday and I’m a bit tipsy, I’ll allow it.”

“Okay, well then, Y/n L/n”, He spoke formally, leaning in closer and making her giggle a little. “What’s your biggest regret?”

“Honestly?” Tom just repeated her in reply, but this time it was a statement.

"Honestly."

He really was going deep too. No holding back now. Y/n sucked on her cheek before replying. “Not travelling with you when we were 19… I was just so determined to get to uni and start grown-up life, but… well, grown-up life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I should’ve tried to stay a kid longer, messing about on your film sets and pretending it was work. I think I would’ve learnt more from seeing the world with you.”

“Well, I am very knowledgable.”

“Shut up, you drop out- who didn't know what a drag race was.” She wasn’t wrong, and whilst yes, he had dropped out to be a film star - he was still a dropout. (with exceptionally poor knowledge of RuPaul) He scowled, then leaning back on his hands, so he was half reclined on the grass as Y/n thought of her next question.

“Whats your biggest worry?”

“Easy.” He chuffed, making Y/n furrow her brows at him. Clearly, he’d already thought of this. “That I finally settle down with the love of my life, and then the fans or press or paps ruin it.”

It made sense; every time Tom had gone public with a relationship, it had ended in a minor car crash. Typically it was also the girl who got hurt; she was the ‘victim’ in everything. Though Y/n had seen first hand the effect it had had on Tom - he never made it out damage-free.

“You make it sound like you’ve already got this dream girl queued and waiting.”

“I wish”, Tom sighed, as Y/n took the opportunity to completely lie down on the grass, staring up at the dark abyss. She’d always loved the stars and had become a bit of a geek on them as they’d grown up too- and maybe it was all down to Tom on that camping trip. Following suit, Tom copied her, his head resting on his hands that were crossed behind his head, taking in the moment of pure peace as they lay on the grass.

“You see that bright one there?” Pointing up, Y/n shimmied closer to him so that he definitely saw the same thing as her. “It’s actually not one. Look closer.” Humming, Tom shifted a bit closer, so her shoulder slotted under the side of his body just the teeniest bit. It meant he could follow her direction and squinted up at the little patch of the sky.

“ 5…maybe 6? What is it?”

“The pliedes supercluster…. basically a big group of stars that all were born from the same place- the same stellar nursery.”

“But they’re moving now?” She hummed in confirmation to his question, briefly glancing at the way his eyes were fixed on the sky. For the first time he seemed genuinely interested in hearing her stories of the stars. It usually was an eye roll and ‘you’re so lame’.

“They’re called the sibling stars… like everything in life, as they get older they drift apart but…. but to us down here? They’ll always be associated together because they have a gravitational effect on each other. They’ll always have their thing tying them together. Like an invisible string.”

“Sounds like you’re being metaphorical.” Tom chuckled, expecting a taunt back but receiving nothing except a gentle agreement.

“Theres also actually 7. The last one people can only sometimes see… it’s a pulsing star, so comes and goes.”

“They do that?”

“Yeh, and no matter what… if you can see it or not, it’s always there. Always having an impact on its family.”

Biting his lower lip slightly, Tom repositioned his head slightly, Y/n’s words taking time to be fully absorbed. He was sure she was making parallels to him. Barely there, appearing and disappearing, but always a part of the family.

“You are being metaphorical.”

“Maybe.” She whispered shortly. “Metaphors depend on who’s listening and if they draw parallels to their own life. It’s subjective. You can’t tell anyone what is and isn’t metaphor…. it takes the beauty out of it.”

“Right, sure... But if you were…. me, harry, Sam, pads, you, Haz, Tuwaine? That the 7?” Y/n held back the little smile at his words. Tom wasn’t as ‘head in the clouds’ as she was- he was literal. Also, he was bloody stubborn when he wanted to be.

“I wasn’t being metaphorical T.” He knew she was lying. She knew that he knew. But it still helped him, made him feel a bit better. That he was always, in some way, having some effect... lives always intertwined with the people he cared about the most.

“Tell me another story about another star.”

Time for the rest of the night kind of got lost. The two young adults just lay on the grass, entirely in their own little world, using each others body heat to keep themselves warm through the early hours. Neither felt remotely tired, Y/n whispering her little stories of both the myths and science of the old stars, pointing out each planet. Meanwhile, Tom listened in awe, for once not taking the mick out of her incredibly geeky hobby. Instead, he found himself getting fascinated by all the little intricacies Y/n was so passionate about.

It was only when the stars began to fade, as orangey-red hue started to seep up from the horizon the either noticed the time. It was now the morning of the next day, the house long since had turned silent behind them - presumably, everyone finally passing out shit faced.

As the stars’ light was overtaken by the rising sun, Y/n ran out of stories; the two settled into silence - neither quite ready to go to bed yet.

“It’s still my turn,” Tom spoke into the sky before pivoting his head to look Y/n in the eye, seeing the confusion in her furrowed brows. “It’s my question to ask. My turn.”

“Aren’t you sick of my voice yet?” There was absolutely no reason that they were both whispering. It wasn’t like anyone was trying to listen or that they’d disturb anyone else my talking normally. But it was nicer that way. It felt calming... intimate even.

“One more. And then you get one more… and then we really should probably go to bed.” He didn’t want the night to end; he was immensely enjoying this weird grey time between being 25 and 26. But it was cold, Tom could tell Y/n had started to feel it a little more. To be fair, she was only in a floral day dress, not much in the way of warmth. With a hum of agreement, Y/n smiled lightly at him, urging his question.

“Whats the biggest secret you’ve kept from me?”

With a bit of a scoff, Y/n sighed and closed her eyes, trying to draw some strength she wasn’t sure she had. It wasn’t like she needed to wrack her brains to come up with it - she knew instantly. Almost painfully too.

“Uhm, honestly?” Now even more intrigued, Tom nodded, using his foot for nudge hers - encouraging her to speak. “Probably how much you mean to me.”

“Oh” He couldn’t help it; the sound just slipped out his mouth without checking with his brain first. That answer had just been so unexpected. He had honestly been thinking that it would be something about how ‘fame had changed him’. After hearing that, Y/n turned her head up the sky again, feeling like her cheeks were on fire with embarrassed heat. Tom knew he had fucked up.

“No, I… I didn’t mean- just just ask me too.” With a sigh, Y/n waved off his stumbled answer as he tried to cover himself.

“This is stup-“

“Ask me!” For the first time in 5 hours, Tom spoke at an normal volume - but it felt painfully loud, like a shout.

“What’s the biggest secret you kept from me?” Her tone was defeated, but nevertheless, he answered.

“How upset I was when you didn’t come when we were 19. I got why, but it was still annoying. Felt like you were picking uni friends over me-“ At this point on any other evening, Y/n would have interjected and argued. None of this situation was normal, though, so she chose to hear him out. “- I know it’s stupid, but…. I guess that’s how much you meant an-and still mean to me too.”

There was silence for a couple minutes, waiting whilst the sun started to peep over the horizon, the lone witness to an otherwise very private conversation. That was until Y/n barely spoke, more like mouthed 2 simple words.

“I lied.” The intensity of the way Tom stared at her made Y/n wish that the sun hadn’t been so bright, that they were back in the darkness that hid her face more. “Biggest lie I’ve told you … that I’m not in love with you.”

Y/n didn’t see because she couldn’t face looking at him, but Tom’s face erupted into the most prominent, toothiest smile. Whilst Tom was enjoying the moment of being absolutely ecstatic, Y/n was waiting for a response- feeling her world come crashing in. That she'd just destroyed one of the most important friendships in her life too.

But then he said the opposite of what she thought he would.

“I lied too.”

That had her attention, whipping her head toward him as Tom rolled onto his side on the lawn, balancing with his head resting on one hand. “I lied that I’ve not been completely under your spell since we were kids at that campsite, and you were homesick.”

Y/n’s heart was literally in her mouth, brain overwhelmed but one overriding thought oh so bloody clear.

She’d lost control of everything, arching up to mirror Tom. Using one hand, she reached out to cup Tom’s jaw, to which he instinctively leant toward - until their lips were mere centimetres apart, hot breath fanning over each other.

Y/n no control as she whispered those 3 words against his lips. No control at how immediately after he pressed his to hers; no control as Tom guided her to roll on top of him, knees either side of his torso as his strong arms wrapped around her back.

Once again, time was lost between the two, only pulling apart when their lungs burned for oxygen.

“For the record, I love you too.” Grinning from ear to ear, Tom used one hand to gently stroke his thumb across her cheek, switching his focus from her left to right eye - in wonder at how the early morning sun reflected from her y/e/c irises. He’d always thought she was beyond beautiful, but when she was this close to him, with the sun rising behind her in such a way - she looked damn ethereal.

“Happy birthday T.” Nodding in agreement, Tom chuckled before finding her lips once again, whispering against them.

“Yeh, happy damn birthday to me.”

~~~~let me know what you think ;) ~~~~~

tagging: @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove @crossyourpeter

#tom Holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n #writing challenge #tbff21 #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #harry Holland

[harrysgloves]

This Will Be Our Year

Summary: Harry comes home with you for your family New Year’s dinner.

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Language. Shitty families. Smut/ Harry’s got a filthy mouth.

A/N: Okay, lets all pretend that I got this out on Saturday instead of Tuesday... Big shout out to @meetmeinfleetwood for making this “to lovers” fic challenge. It was the first fic challenge I’ve ever done! And I loved trying to figure this one out.

I picked ‘Friends to Lovers’ with the prompts: “You think anyone heard us?” & “You keep that photo of us in your wallet?”

>>>

You didn't miss the upward turn of your best friends' lip when you anxiously readjusted the hem of your dress for the millionth time. You didn't even bother trying to steady your shaky hands as they tugged down on lacy black fabric that touched a few inches above where you normally wore your skirts or shorts

"Stop it." You huffed as he let out the tiniest breath of a laugh at your struggle. 

"Sorry, love, think y'look great." He smiled that lazy half smirk that made your stomach flutter but you had no time to worry about that right now. No, right now, you were on your way to visit your parents for the first time in a year.

The excuses of being busy with work, having no time to travel, not having the money for it, or literally any other excuse you could come up with had finally stopped working. Your mother fully demanded for you to come back home for the traditional New Year's dinner your family had every first weekend of the new year. You would have said no, but the second her disappointed voice floated in from the other end of the phone, you knew there was no way out. 

You deeply loved your immediate family. It was the extended family that you could go without. The bitchy cousins who always seemed to be doing better in life than you. Know-it-all Aunts who gave you unwelcomed dating advice or worse, they'd sit and examine why you didn't have a man 

"Yeh sure 'bout this?" He asked from the driver seat, his hand grasped on the wheel so tight you could see his knuckles turning white. "We could fake sick or somethin' if yeh want out. Bad gas station sushi, maybe."

A smile broke across your solemn face. The snort of a laugh that creaked out of your lungs washed a bit of relief over Harry. His hands gently lifted pressure from the wheel.

"Gas station sushi is the best you could come up with?" You teased from beside him, head turning just in time to see that dimpled smile you loved so much. 

"Wha' not believable?" He grinned, playful green eyes shot your way before focusing back on the road. 

You shook your head no as silence fell over the car again. Only one more turn and you'd be there.

"If yeh get uncomfortable, just tug on my shirt and we'll go, yeah?" He said as the gravel from your parents driveway crunched under the car's weight. Your stomach churned at the sight of everyone else already there. Anxiety flaring deep inside of your body, your chest suddenly felt tighter even when you let out a deep breath.

"It'll be okay." Harry said after a moment of letting you try to calm down. His ring filled hand enveloped your own shaky hand that rested on your lap. A calm washed over you from his touch. His warm hands melted away the troubled feeling that was lurking in the depths of your soul.

"I'm sorry in advance for whatever they say." You mumbled, giving his hand a squeeze. You missed the small up turn of his lips from your action, the way his cheeks tinted the softest shade of pink. You thought his cough was to dismiss what you'd said, not knowing it was him trying to himself that you only saw him as a friend.

"'M pretty sure I can handle them, love." He smiled even though you shot him a very unimpressed look. "Wha'? I survived Simon Cowell, think I got yeh family." 

"Shut up." You chuckled as you brushed your hand off your leg. The other flung open the car door before you had a chance to chicken out.

>>>

Dragging Harry along for this dinner was the best idea you'd ever had in your whole life. Your family's attention was so far off you that you barely talked the hour before dinner and Harry was handling all the attention like a champ. His hand pressed to your lower back as your uncle grilled him about every famous person he'd ever met.

"Wait, so you're telling me that you know The Mick Jagger?" Your uncle looked a second away from breaking into a full out fangirl attack. Your lips rolled in your mouth to stifle the laugh that was bubbling in your throat before a harsh squeeze on your hips from Harry had you glaring daggers into him.

He nodded his head full of soft flowly curls, that you always wanted to run your fingers through, before shooting a smirk down to you. 

He was living for this. He loved being able to touch you, lead you around to talk to people. Adored when you playfully shoved him with your shoulder when he said something embarrassing about you. He tried to be as cool, calm, and collected as he could but when you fully leaned into his side his breathing caught in his throat. His hand pressed tighter into you, mostly to hide how much it was quivering from your closeness.

He had tried for over a year to come up with a way to tell you he wanted to be more than a friend. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to be more since the night you two met, but he was too insecure about himself to speak up. You were just so vibrant. Your laugh, your smile, the way you talked with demand but was always such a sensitive soul. 

He was absolutely fucked for you and you had no damn idea.

You always thought he was too out of your league to even begin to entertain the want of something else with him. He was the great Harry Styles and well, you were just you. You, who happened to be friends with Glenne, who dragged you to a bar for a karaoke night almost two years ago. The rest between you and him was history. You'd gotten along so well and at first, you thought, it might have turned into something more, but he never tried anything more than stupid flirty banter which he seemed to do with just about anyone. So, you dropped it. Moved on. Now he was just Harry, you're really good, super hot, you may think about him when you meditate late at night, friend.

"Gonna get more wine." You said after you drank the last drop from the glass in your hand. You were going to need so much more wine if you were going to be listening to your uncle for the next 45 minutes until dinner was ready.

"Will y'bring me some too?" Harry asked with a glimmer of desperation in his eyes. You figured maybe he'd need the alcohol more than you did tonight. He had been putting up with a lot of crap from your family. 

You nodded your head yes before taking off through the hallways you used to run down when you were a kid, towards the kitchen. Your mind lost in a hazy of memories of you learning to ride your bike on your mothers freshly polished floors while the babysitter sat on your house phone with her boyfriend all night. The time your brother told you carving your names into the fancy trim along the bottom of the floor meant you two would live forever. 

The memories came to a screeching halt when you finally rounded the corner to the kitchen. Your cousin aka the bitch you hated most in the world lounged casually on the counter, her back towards you as she chatted with a friend she had brought along.

"Didn't think I was going to meet Harry fucking Styles. Would have at least done my hair." The girl you didn't know huffed out as you pressed your back to the wall. Desperate to get away from both of them. Suddenly you felt 12 again, hiding from Shannon before she had a chance to torment you.

"Not like you even need it. You already look better than Y/N without it." Shannon snorted out that nails-on-a-chalkboard laugh as your stomach sank. 

"True, girl is a bit mousy." 

"Don't forget annoying. Can't believe someone famous is hanging out with her."

A part of you wanted to turn around and walk away, but the other part was morbidly interested in what she said behind your back. Maybe, whatever she had to say, was what everyone said about you two when you weren't around.

"Think they're dating?"

"Fuck no." She scoffed with so much certainty behind her voice it made you cringe. You knew it was a bit dumb, especially since you tried to not picture yourself with him as much as possible but it still hurt. "Y/N's boring and bland as hell. He's probably too nice to tell her that he isn't interested and he feels bad that she never has any friends or a boyfriend." 

You knew you should have walked away when you had the chance. Every word that was uttered by the voice that caused your childhood trauma floated into your mind with daggers. 

Every bad thing you thought about yourself. Every reason you thought Harry would never like you was now confirmed by someone else.

"It's like his charity work for the year or something."

The last sentence was the one that broke you. Your eyes filled with tears as your feet finally unglued themselves from the permanent spot they seemed to be in. You ran for the safety of your childhood bedroom. Your mind too preoccupied with the thought that maybe, he did feel that way about you, to pay attention to anything else around you. You didn't register that Harry was only a few feet away from you when you slammed yourself into your old room.

The knocks on your door didn't bother you. You could care less to explain to our mom right now about what happened but tried your best to pull yourself together anyways. Your crying turned to quite sniffling when the knocks came again.

"Y/N, wha's wrong?" His anxious voice echoed through your door causing all tears or sniffles to stop immediately in their tracks. What the hell were you going to tell him? Your mind panicked for some lie you could use to cover up the fact you had a breakdown when the door opened, the hard metal of the door knob pushed you out of the way.

"'M sorry fo' comin' in but I saw yeh cryin' and I had to check on yeh." He mumbled uncomfortably from beside you as he shut the door again. "Wha' happened?"

"'S nothin'," you said as you dried your own eyes with the back of your hand. "Just, my cousin saying shit. I just took it a bit too personal for no reason." 

"'M sorry, petal." He cooed as his hand stroked the rest of your eyes off your cheeks away. Your head instantly nuzzled into his warmth. "Wha' was she goin' on 'bout?"

You tried your best to not tense up. Your eyes remained shut, head buried harder against his hand that still hadn't moved from your face.

"Told you, it's nothing. Really, it was dumb and I just- it's stupid H." 

"'S not stupid if it made y'cry." He frowned deeply as he lifted your chin up. Your eyes finally fluttered open to see disappointed written all across his face.

"She just-" you sighed, feeling dumb for being caught up in the moment. Her words stung but your knee-jerk reaction to cry was a bit over the top. You were embarrassed, your skin heated as his eyes trained on you. You desperately tried to look anywhere but him- the floor, the dresser, the door- anywhere. "She just… she said some things to her friend about how boring and bland I am. Said I had no friends and blah blah blah. Just dumb stuff." 

You shrugged, feeling uncomfortable talking about what had happened. You gave him the geist of it without having to divulge into the whole story. You figured it was better to leave the part about you being charity work for him out of it. An angry Harry was the last thing you wanted to deal with today.

"Yeh the least boring person I know." He said, finally breaking the silence. "And yeh far from bland. I mean, look at yeh," he gestured to your outfit, his eyes sparked as your face heated from the attention he was giving you.

"Shut up." You groaned, hands covering your burning face as he wrapped you up in a hug. His chest vibrated with chuckles as you buried your head into the crook of his arm.

"Come on, don't be embarrassed." His chin rested on your head as you fought to keep the pink blush across your face at bay. "Know I think yeh pretty. Prettiest petal've ever met." 

You could feel his body straighten up. Almost as if he got uncomfortable with being so forward with you. His hands held around you just a bit tighter and you could physically hear his heart start to race. You started to realize, maybe, just maybe, you'd been reading all the signs wrong.

You pulled away from him slightly, your lips rolled in your mouth as you peered up to him. The blush that lingered across his nose ran to both cheeks. His jaw clenched together, shifty eyes finally met yours after a long moment of avoiding your gaze. You could see gears turning in his mind.

"H?" You barely breathed out before he surged forward, his lips met yours with so force you were almost thrown off balance. Your hands quickly grabbed on his forearms to steady yourself. Your nails dug into the soft silk fabric of his sleeves as your mouth desperately tried to keep up with his frantic movements.

It was everything you'd ever imagined kissing Harry would be like. Soft, amazing lips pressed to yours. Warmth flooded your system, almost like he was bringing you back to life. His hand rested on your cheek as he pulled you closer, other hand around your waist, helping you keep balance on your tiptoes. Even if it was a bit rushed, it was perfect to you.

But then you felt him go rigid again.

"I shouldn't 'ave done that. 'M so sorry, Y/N, I know yeh don't like me like that and I got caught up and, and-nd, fuck 'm so sorry-" he rushed out in a ramble the second his lips parted from yours. Your eyes barely opened by the time he'd finished his rushed out speech. His hands ran nervously through his curls. Panic radiated off him.

"Who said I didn't like you?" You asked, halfway out of breath. His hands fell from his perfectly messy hair, down to his side. His mouth gaped open as he blinked slowly at your words.

"I, well, I thought-" He trailed off as you both stood there completely dumbfounded. 

You'd both liked each other this whole damn time.

"We're idiots." You giggled. Quickly ceasing the opportunity to close to space between you two again. 

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him to your level. This time, he was the one pleasantly surprised. The light humph out of him only fueled your fire as you dominated the kiss. Your tongue ran across his bottom lips, begging him to let you in. Tongues danced together in an unknown language as his arms circled you again. Holding you close as your fingers ran through the back of his hair.

It was quick. Both of you moved so fast, desperate for more. More touch, more skin contact. You felt that desire you'd pushed to the side flame to the surface as you both stumbled for balance. Your back was pressed tightly against the door after you both got your footing. 

Kissing was easy, but kissing passionately in an unknown space when you could give two shits-less about anything but each other, was hard. 

It wasn't long before the scruff on his face was burning into your sensitive and puffy lips. He'd taken over control over your mouth so long ago you had no idea where you started and he ended. Your hands, along with his, roamed uncharted territory of each other's bodies. Small gasps and light whimpers were flooding the room but you couldn't be bothered with caring right now. You were finally getting what you wanted, him.

"We should stop." He groaned, half annoyed with himself for trying to be considerate to your family. His forehead rested against yours as you both breathed in deeply.

You whined in protest at his words, your hips involuntarily grinded against him in a sense of desperation. He had winded you up like a damn play toy. He breathed a laugh at your neediness, his head shaking but you could see those dimples popping out when you stared up at him with doe-eyes. 

"Don't wanna fuck yeh fo' the first time in your parents house, lovie." He smiled widely as you let out a disappointed huff. Sure, you understood his point but that throbbing in core wasn't going to be going away any time soon. 

Harry considered it for a moment as he looked down to your glistening chest that was heaving in deep breaths. The swells of your breast had always been mesmerizing but, fuck, right now they look irresistable. His sight finally moved off your chest to your swollen and puffy mouth. He groaned at the sight, his mind instantly wondering if your other lips would look as beautiful when he was done with them.

His hand moved on it's own accord. Slipping up your dress, to your absolutely drenched panties. Your lip tucked under your lip, hips bucking in a need for more when you heard the most glorious moan fall from his lips.

"Can't leave y'like this, now can I, pup?" His lust filled eyes seemed to darken when you shook your head no. Your ruined underwear pushed to the side by his fingers, his breathing catching in his throat from just how fucking wet you were.

You whimpered and whined as he took his time leisurely circling around your clit, his finger skimming across your needy hole only teased you further. You could feel your nipples pebble against the roughness of your bra, feeling left out of the action, but you weren't complaining. 

"Quiet, or yeh gonna get us caught, sweetheart." Harry tried to scold you but you didn't miss the smug look of pride that sat on his lips. "Gonna have to keep you quiet, sweet girl." His free hand moved from the door, to your mouth. Three fingers tapped against your lips for you to open and holy fuck, you didn't think this would be happening today. 

A chill went down your spine as his fingers sat heavy on your tongue. He licked his lips as he watched you mimicked how good you'd suck him off later when two fingers entered you quickly.

"Fuckin' hell," he breathed out, the situation in his pants grew impossibly bigger while you moaned wildly against his fingers. "Jesus, fuck, yeh so tight. Gonna 'ave to prep yeh fo' me later, sweetheart."

You could barely register his words as he pumped into you again. His thumb pressed against your aching numb. He was reaching places inside of you that you'd never been able to reach. Places that you had no idea could feel this good. All sense of control left you as he hit that spot. His hand quickly pulled from your mouth to cup over top of it.

"Sing so pretty fo' me, puppy. Can't wait to hear how you sound when y'on my cock." Your walls quivered at his words, your juices dripped further down your leg as you began to quickly approach your end.

"'M ruin this little pussy later, gonna fuck y'until yeh can't handle it anymore." He started to ramble about how good you felt, how tight you were, how he was going to stretch you over his cock so good tonight that he'd ruin you. Your legs started to shake as your mind melted into a goo of pleasure. 

"Fuck, yeh like when I talk to yeh like that, don't yeh sweetheart?" You weakly nodded at his words, his hand around your mouth making it impossible to say anything but it wasn't like you'd be able to speak right now anyways. His fingers curled inside of you, pumping, his thumb switching from light touches to hard pressure. "I'd let y'talk to me like that later tonight but my dick is gonna be shoved in all the holes I can get into, puppy."

You could feel your eyes roll into the back of your head as the overwhelming flood of your release washed over you. Blinding white lights of adrenaline ran through your veins as you let out a guttural moan from a depth you had no idea existed inside of you.

You were a panting hot mess when his hands finally left your body. Sweet kisses pressed to your lips to calm you down.

"Do y'think anyone heard us?" Harry asked, his lips still hovering over your mouth as you let out a croak laugh.

"You think I care about that right now?" Your eyebrows raised as you peered up to him. His smile growing by the second as he wrapped you in a hug. "Come on, let's go, you have a few promises you made about tonight that I want to hold you to." You giggled as his cheeks flamed red, your hand reached for his but he didn't move. His boy glued in place as his eyes scanned around your old room.

"What?" You asked as you turned around to see him studying every inch of your childhood. 

"I didn't get to see it earlier." He shrugged a bit, trying to not seem like he was hyper focused on every detail. Your pile of old notebooks your mother kept "just incase you ever wanted them again", your old dresser that you'd painted at some point, your rose pattern bedspread, the mountain of books and magazines that were shoved away.

"Wha's this?" He pointed to the huge wall that was covered in nothing but pictures. 

"Oh, uhm, I used to put pictures of me and my friends on my wall. You know, like people used to do before Facebook." Harry chuckled as he shook his head at you. His hand fished into his back pocket as he moved away from you.

"What- what are you doing?" You asked, your eyebrows furrowed tightly together as you moved towards him. The picture of your and Harry's drunken photo booth session from New Year's last year in his hand.

"You keep that photo of us in your wallet?" You finally asked after he pinned it on your wall. His cheeky smile across his face as he threw an arm over your shoulder.

"Yup." He smiled widely as you chuckled from beside him. Your arm rested around his waist.

"Dork."

#Harry Styles #Harry Styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #fanfic #fanfiction #to lovers fic challenge #writing #mine

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Amoreena | Chapter sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Amoreena meets Jo, Jo shares her experience with the foster homes (tw self-harm and child abuse), and Spencer shares his shitty childhood with her. They bond, he loves her more than he thought possible, his dreams of a big happy family are coming true.

word count: 4.8k

from the beginning <3

His phone is ringing at 7:50 and all he does is groan, forgetting Y/N’s agreement with Amoreena. His wife reached over his face and towards the phone, picking up with an overly cheerful tone for a pregnant woman who was up until 3 am.

“Hello sweet girl, how was your sleep?”

“Ugh,” she makes a weird face as the morning nausea kicks in and she tries to swallow it down. “Yeah? Oh, I’m so glad, dad and I are just waking up. We have another big surprise for you today… I know honey there’s always a lot going on, but this one is a good one I promise!”

“Can I go talk to her?” Spencer asks, “alone?”

“Dad’s going to come and see you while mommy has a shower, okay? I love you too, bye,” she smiles as she hangs up and passes the phone back to him.

They kiss quickly before separating, Spencer throws on the same clothes from the beach last night before heading down the hall towards Amoreena’s room. He knocks quietly before entering, seeing her sitting in a queen bed with 2 cats.

“Taylor let Olivia and Benjamin stay in here last night, she said they usually sleep in here anyway!” She was whispering, but it was still loud for her this early.

He sat on the edge of her bed and gave her a big hug, “how was your night?”

“Really amazing, Dad, Taylor is my best friend now,” she’s completely serious, “I hope mom’s not too upset about that, I guess we could share her…”

“That’s a nice thought, are you good at sharing?”

“I think so,” she nods with a serious face.

“Good, because there’s a new person who’s coming to live with us. She’s going to be kind of sad for a while and I’ll be spending a lot of time with her too,” he watches her face as she listens, confused but fine with it.

“Who is she?”

“Did your mom tell you how she made you?”

She nods, “she said sometimes people with penises donate sperm to help people have babies, and you were the one who donated for me,” she gives him a run down so seriously that it makes him laugh like the 7-year-old.

“Yeah, exactly, well I also helped 2 other families make babies,” he says softly, petting her hair as she understands what that means.

“So I have more siblings?”

“Yep, 2 sisters and a brother,” he smiles as she starts to bounce with excitement. “Josephine is 12, almost 13, and she’s coming to live with us.”

“Where is her mom?” She asks, he knew she would.

“Her mom and dad were in an accident, they died and she looked for me because she didn’t want to be alone anymore,” he knows it’s a hard topic, and that she understands death after losing her gg, but it’s still hard.

“Oh, that’s sad,” she frowns, moving in to hug him again, she keeps her head pressed to his shoulder. “I hope she’s okay, is she here now too?”

“She is, but I’m not sure if she’s awake yet, she’s a teenager and they sometimes sleep in longer than you would, like when Henry was over and slept until noon,” he has all his kids profiled in his minds and it’s actually more helpful than a hindrance.

“Does she like Taylor?”

He knew that one was coming too, “she’s a huge fan, she cried meeting her just like mom.”

“Is she going to call my mom her mom now?”

“I don’t think so, would that upset you?” He’s worried for the answer, he had the same jealous tendencies growing up. Hell, he still has them.

“No, she needs a mom, I would be very sad without mine, I know she needs one too,” she looked at him like it was a stupid question because of course, all kids need a mom and her mom happened to be the best.

“That’s really nice of you, she knows all about you and she’s really excited to move in with us, maybe you can help her decorate her room?” He isn’t sure what Jo will think, but he knows it would be good for bonding.

“Can we see if she’s awake? Wait, she’s a she right? Miss Kennedy said sometimes people look like girls but they don’t like to feel like girls, so we use they,” Amoreena was so worried about being a good sister he didn’t know why he worried so much.

“Well, I’m not sure, Jo hasn’t told me but you can ask?”

She shot right out of bed, still in her dress from last night as she ran to the door, “come on, what room is it?”

“Right there, knock nicely,” he says as he joins her in the hall, pointing to the room across from her.

She knocked 3 times, hearing a small ‘yeah?’ From the other side before opening it, “good morning!” Amoreena cheered.

“Amoreena!” Jo smiled as she got out of bed and ran over to her. She dropped to her knees so they’d be the same height and wrapped her up in her arms.

They hugged like this was a reunion and not an introduction, they held on to one another so tightly they both squeezed their eyes shut and held their breath. He knew that kind of hug, that was a hug you gave when you deeply loved the person you were hugging.

It made him want to cry, again.

Jo pulled back from her and Amoreena immediately held her face in her hands, observing her. “Yep, you’re my sister,” she smiled as she saw her nose.

That same perfect little button that was slightly angled towards the sky, she booped it lightly. Jo booped her right back.

“I am, it’s pretty cool getting to share a dad with you cause now I get to meet Taylor Swift, how the heck did we get so lucky?” Jo talks to her like she’s used to being around kids, finding the wonder in every word and saying the whole sentence with enthusiasm.

She turns to him, both his girls making the same face as they looked at him in the doorway, “how did you meet Taylor, dad?”

“You remember Uncle Dave? He came over for the barbecue and talked to poppy bob about winemaking all night?”

“Yeah, he’s Italian,” Amoreena remembered his funny accent and how she called him Mario.

“His daughter is Taylor’s friend, so Taylor sent me an email asking to meet you,” he couldn’t help but smile as she did.

“So you guys really are knights at the FBI, huh?”

“Yeah, but my armour got too rusty so now I’m going to guard the princess only, no more battles for me,” he was happy to make it magical, to turn the terribleness of it all into something she could be proud of.

He feels cold hands reaching under the back of his shirt then as he jumps, Y/N is wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his back, “your armour is fine, it just needs some polish.”

“They’re kinda gross, you’ll have to get used to that,” Amoreena says, pressing her lips together awkwardly as she looks at Jo.

“It’s nice though, it makes you feel like love is real,” Jo smiled back, “not many kids have happy families.”

“You do now, okay?” Amoreena took her cheeks in her hands again, something she must have learned from Y/N. “My family is your family and we are the best family, you’re going to have so much fun with us, can I help you decorate your room?”

Jo cried, laughing lightly as she nodded, “that would be cool, maybe we can get bunk beds for random sleepovers?”

Amoreena shot her eyes to her mom, “can we?”

“That would be cool,” Y/N agreed, “we’ll go to Ikea on Friday when I’m not working, okay?”

“And this weekend we can buy some paint for your room?” Spencer added, “you guys can plan all week together.”

“Yes!” Amoreena cheered, hugging Jo again.

Jo held her gently, resting her cheek against the top of Amoreena’s head with a small smile. She looked genuinely happy, peaceful like she belonged somewhere again.

Right then Amoreena’s eyes are darting right to him, “It’s fathers day!” She screams, way too loud for 8 am in someone else’s home. Thank god Taylor was on the other side of the mansion.

“Oh my god,” Amoreena smacked her forehead with her little hand, “I was so carried away with the wedding I didn’t pack your present, dad! I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve got you covered little miss,” Y/N smiled at her, “It’s in my purse!”

Amoreena pushed past them in the doorway and ran to their room in search of said purse. Probably emptying it out on the bed and making a huge mess, but it was fine.

Y/N took a moment to kiss his cheek, “good morning, happy father’s day.”

“Thank you,” he blushed, turning to face her and hold her close, “I can feel you staring Jo, come here.”

She comes skipping right over, wrapping her arms around them both and resting her head on Spencer’s side. For a 12-year-old she was tall, a lot taller than Henry was, that’s for sure.

“Hey!” Amoreena butts in, “let me in,” she pushed into the middle of the hug to steal all the warmth, “happy father’s day, dad.”

“Happy father’s day,” Jo added with a soft smile, “thank you for everything.”

“Yeah, you’re the best dad in the world, Jo you should see how he reads with his mind, he doesn’t even need to look at the books at bedtime,” Amoreena bragged, pulling back from all of them then.

Spencer wiped the tears from his face and pretended he wasn’t crying, overwhelmed by love just like he told Jo to expect. “I love you guys, I’m so glad I helped make you both, you’re the best kids a dad could ask for.”

“Here,” Amoreena hands him a wrapped present.

It’s a handmade book, blue construction paper bound with green ribbon in little loops and covered in a thin layer of tissue paper from the present he got her last week. He carefully removes the tissue and hands it back to her, “do you still want it for dresses?”

“Sure,” she takes it with a smile, “I wrote this for you after a dream I had, Miss Kennedy helped me write it all and reword it a bit. But it’s all from my brain.”

“Spencer’s little women,” he reads and then his heartbeat almost stops when he sees the bottom, “by Amoreena Reid.”

“We can go sit in the living room while you read it to us?” Y/N offered, taking the girl's hands and leading them all down the hallway.

Taylor’s house was full of floor-to-ceiling windows, allowing them to watch the sunrise over the ocean as they cuddled up on the couch as a family. Him and his little women.

“Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a beautiful princess who had a broken heart. She promised to hide away from the townspeople until she gathered all the pieces again,” Spencer read the first sentence and knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole book.

“You know, I think it would be better if you read this to me Amoreena,” he asks her gently, “I want to know it from your voice first.”

“Okay,” she bounces up from where she cuddled into her mother to take the book from his hand, sitting straight as she got ready to read.

“Slowly, but surely, the pieces came back to her one by one as the people felt the need to search for her, they missed seeing her smile as she ruled alongside her parents, the king and queen until her heart was fixed.

A little girl, Lady Amoreena, arrived like a gift. A fairy godmother handing a small child to the princess to raise and love forever and ever, they were best friends more than anything.

But the princess’s baby girl made it her mission to fix the rest of her heart as she grew up seeing her mom frown, questing for princes and kings, even another princess to come and fill that last missing spot of her heart. To make their family love grew as the cracks from where they separated were healed.

She set off on her daily adventure, running off past the gates on the way to the willow tree, excited to see what wonders the pond of youth brought to her this time. Surprised to find a knight, his broken and rusty armour fallen on the ground, he was wrapped in weeds, he had been trapped for too long to remember.

Amoreena cut the vines off him with her sword, “you’re free now, sir knight.”

“How can I ever repay you?” The kind man with the same nose as her asked.

“Meet the princess, tell her about your battles, make her laugh and you can stay with us,” she gives him one final quest. His last ever duty.

The princess smiles as soon as they meet. He wins her over without even trying, he completes their family and makes all the cracks in her heart fuse back together. Gold light shines from her as she’s healed, completed by the love of a family she never knew she needed.

The love didn’t end there… the knight and the princess knew lady Amoreena would be like her mom when she grew up. The possibility of a sad and broken heart as she got older, so they made her 8 more siblings, her group of sisters to keep her company during the happily ever after part.

“Sir Spencer, where are all your little women?” The king of the land asked, seeing the knight and the princess all alone on the path, old and slow as they walked.

“Down by the pond, it’s story day!”

He knew that’s where they’d always be, at their pond with a book, braiding each other's hair, weaving flower crowns and chasing each other through the wildflowers that replaced the vines that once held him down.

Free, healed and happy. Spencer and his little women healed the princess, allowing her to take the role as Queen, like her grandma always wanted for her.”

“There isn’t a 'the end'?” Y/N’s voice questions lightly as Spencer cries too hard to even respond.

She was the most amazing child in the whole world and he didn’t know what he did to deserve her. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her so tight she was smacking his arm to let her go with a laugh, “I want to add more to it when I’m older, like GG’s book.”

“You can write one for all your sisters,” Y/N smiles at her softly, “you know, gg only wrote Amoreena because you came to her in a dream?”

She nodded, “that’s why I started writing this book for dad because I had a dream about him reading to all of us, he was so old it was funny.”

“How old?” He asks, remembering his reflection from his own dream.

“Like poppy, you had a white beard!”

“What did we talk about?” He doesn’t know why he wants to know so badly but he’s desperate to know if their dream was the same.

“It was story day, you and mom were late, but you said, ‘I’d never miss a Saturday with my little women,’” she smiles, “I’m so glad you’re my dad.”

She holds him back just as tight this time, snuggling into his chest as he breathes her in. His first little baby, even if she was the middle kid now, she was his baby, he couldn’t even imagine holding someone even smaller than her soon.

—

They take a quick trip to target in the morning, needing to get some things for Jo and Y/N really, really wanted chocolate-covered cranberries, making sure he knew that she would kill him if he didn’t bring them back to her. Finally having those pregnancy mood swings he was expecting.

Jo is quick to pick out some summer clothes and a bathing suit for the day as well as toiletries and anything else she wanted because Spencer said so. He was going to spoil her because he didn’t know what else to do. This is what he wanted from his dad, someone to see something, think of him and just get it to make him smile.

She saw some purple bedding that she liked, so it ended up in the cart. And then she needed some new pillow, and some fitted sheets… oh and those curtains are nice… and before they knew it they had $300 worth of things for her bedroom in the back of Y/N’s car.

Jo pressed her lips together awkwardly as they sat in the front seats of the car, he looked over at her and smiled, making her laugh, “this is the best father’s day.”

“I’m supposed to be getting you gifts today!”

“You are a gift, Jo,” he doesn’t mean to get sappy, but he can’t help the love he feels for her already.

“Drive before I cry, dude,” she turns to look out the window. “Are we going to have a 'ground rules and behaviour' speech like all the foster parents do? I have a feeling you have no idea what you’re doing.”

He starts the car then, pulling out of the lot and starting the 40-minute car ride back with her, “how do they normally set the rules in the foster homes?”

“They pay for my phone bill with the money provided for me each month and they sometimes get me the groceries I want for lunches and stuff but they mostly kept the money for themselves. I’m only allowed on the internet for an hour a day, homework has to be done in front of their eyes at the kitchen table, no food after 7 pm, lights off and no walking around by 9,” she gave the rundown and it made Spencer’s stomach turn.

“I will pay for your phone bill, you don't need to worry about that. We can even get you a new one when we get home. Y/N has great internet and every streaming service available, you don’t have a time limit here. Just promise me you’ll go outside sometimes?” He reaches a hand out to hold her’s while driving, letting her know he means what is coming next.

“I trust you have a way of life you’re used to, and I’m not going to change that on you, if you want to share things with me and be open and honest, I’m always here and I will never judge you. I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to hide things from me. And that being said, I trust you enough to use the internet safely, and not hack anything without good reason anymore?”

Derek was right, it’s surprisingly easy to be a dad. All you have to do is love them and be there for them.

“Okay, then I think you should know,” she takes a deep breath and a pause. “I’m pretty sure I like girls too, I never got to tell my mom that but I’m sure she knew, and I’m kind of scared to put my bathing suit on when I get home.”

“First of all, I’m proud of you,” he squeezes her hand 3 times, and she does it right back with a smile. “Secondly, why? Did you not get one you liked? I was fine buying any of them for you.”

“I have a lot of scars on my legs, and I don’t want to scare Amoreena,” she’s really ashamed of herself and Spencer understands it.

He rolls his sleeve up and extends his arm for her to see his very faded track marks, “I was drugged on a case once, I had an addiction after. The scars fade over time, but I also haven’t shown Amoreena my bare arms yet.”

“Mine are pretty faded now too, it’s been a few months, they look more like stretch marks,” she smiled at his honesty, feeling safer with him.

“If she asks, you can say it was from a cat at the foster home. She’ll think about Cinderella and the evil stepmother's cat, and then completely forget why she asked,” he assures her, knowing Amoreena like the back of his hand now.

“Lucifer,” Jo smiles, “I was like her as a kid too, always making up stories and finding new movies to be obsessed with. I have ADHD, by the way, but I’m un-medicated cause my last foster home didn’t listen to the school’s diagnosis,” she says it like it’s not a big deal.

His blood starts to boil at the thought of someone not taking care of her, “excuse me?”

“Yeah, and when I asked for a therapist they said no to that too, I was ‘fine’ apparently and they settled for a dead parents support group so that Colin could have a coffee while I sat there,” she’s oblivious to how terrible it is.

“Make me a list of all the things you want, I mean everything down to the most niche interest or therapy technique that you’ve researched and I will help you with whatever it is,” Spencer is furious at the conditioning she’s experienced to think this is okay.

“You don’t have to, dad, I’m okay now,” she lies and he can tell.

“You don’t have to be, believe me, I cry almost every night to Y/N about things I thought I had recovered from. If you want to talk to someone because you think it will help, or if you want medicine because you feel like it’ll help you focus better or just be happier, I’m here to help you get that.”

She goes quiet, staring at their hands where he’s still squeezing her palm. She rubs her thumb along the skin softly, “did your mom ever hurt you?”

“Only when she wasn’t really there in her own mind,” he presses his lips together right after, he’s never told anyone about it.

“Did your dad?”

“Emotionally, but he wasn’t there long enough to lay a hand on me.”

She nods at the response, “my dad was evil, I think he killed my mom in that ‘accident’, but on purpose.”

“I thought my dad was a murderer once too, but it was actually my dad’s friend,” he isn’t sure why he’s telling her everything, but she deserved to know.

“There was a pedophile in our town who killed this boy, Riley, and my mom told him about a man who was watching me like I was next. And Riley’s dad killed him, but I was so young my mind tried to think it was my dad who did it all.”

“Your old job must have really messed you up inside too, huh?” She tries to laugh it off, scared of his past but intrigued at the same time, he just nods at her observation.

“I have a friend, her name is Penelope, her parents died when she was a little bit older than you. She snuck out and they went to look for her, and they were in a car crash,” he makes sure she’s comfortable, her hand is still in his and her thumb is still moving over his skin.

“Like you, she got into hacking, the FBI had to hire her because she was so good she became a threat, you’d really like her,” he says, turning to look at her quickly, he loves the smile on her face.

“I’d love to meet her,” she smiled, “thank you, I wish you could have always been my dad.”

It breaks his heart a little, “well, you have me forever now.”

—

“Two questions,” Y/N’s voice approaches as she walks towards the trunk of her car.

Jo and Spencer are digging through all the shopping bags trying to find all the things that she needs for the afternoon, leaving the rest for the ride home.

“Here,” Spencer hands her the chocolate-covered cranberries, “king-sized bag.”

“I love you,” she smiles as she takes it, “the second question, how are the suitcases going to fit in there now? We have two kids to bring home, they’re going to be squished.”

“I don’t mind,” Jo smiles, “one time they didn’t have room for me in a car so I sat in the trunk for 15 minutes.”

Spencer wrapped her up in his arms, “every time you tell me a story about what has happened to you, I want to kill someone.”

She laughs, holding him back gently, “believe me, I was an asshole to them, they got what they deserved.”

“What did you do?” Y/N worries about what she’s capable of, Spencer can tell.

“I called the tax people and said they have been claiming foster kids as dependents and now they might have tax fraud charges coming their way,” she seemed very proud of herself. “I would never hurt someone, but I have no problem getting them in trouble.”

Y/N extended her fist, bumping it off Jo’s with a smile, “as you should! Now, come on, let’s go get ready for the beach.”

Jo skipped inside with Y/N, their arms linked as they did so. Spencer couldn’t believe this was his life now. He closed the trunk with a slam, picking up the bag of things he set aside before joining them inside.

“Surprise!!!!” Amoreena screamed as soon as he walked through the door.

There was a hand-drawn Happy Father’s Day banner hanging from the staircase and purple balloons all over the place.

“Happy father’s day!!!” They all cheered for him, even Taylor’s mom was there now, smiling at the display of affection.

Amoreena and Jo came running up to him, wrapping their arms around him and holding him close, nothing felt real. “Can you pinch me?” He asked them with a small smile.

He didn’t think they’d do it, but even Y/N walked over and started pinching him all over. Amoreena pinched his leg, Jo pinched his belly button and Y/N, she pinched his cute little butt as she pressed a kiss to his blushing cheek. “You’re very real, so are we.”

“I love you guys,” Spencer reminds them, holding them all as close as he can for just a moment, “okay, enough sappiness, let’s go to the beach!”

Amoreena and Y/N are already in their swimsuits under their sundresses, Jo, on the other hand, picked out some trunks and a tank-style swim top, hiding her scares just enough that she felt comfortable getting in the sand and building a castle with Amoreena.

Y/N laid on the towel beside Spencer in the shade, Taylor and her mom were playing scrabble on the picnic table, her dad was cooking up burgers on the grill. It was serene, it was perfect, they were a little family and it made absolutely no sense to him how it all worked out so well, but he wouldn’t change any of it.

“Look how big it is after lunch,” Y/N grabbed his attention, sticking her belly out as far as it could go, “I’m going to get so huge again, at least this time I’ll be the biggest when it’s cold out.”

“Are you comfortable? Do you need more sunscreen or water?” Spencer worried, making her smile as she pushed her sunglasses up and turned to him.

“I am fantastic, thank you, cutie.”

He leans in to kiss her gently, but she wraps her arms around him and pulls him down on top of her. Kissing him like she just rescued him from the sea and hasn’t seen him for years.

When he finally pulls away, he doesn’t go far. Just sitting up as he brushes her hair off her face, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she reminds him with another soft smile.

“I missed mother’s day with you by only a few days, but you should know you’re the best mother in the whole world,” he whispered, wanting to share his day with her because, without her, he wouldn’t be a father.

She pulls him into another kiss, hands resting on his cheeks as she breathes in deeply through her nose. It’s like she’s taking the soul out of his body, he's a part of her now forever and always. He never wants to be anywhere else.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

@k-k0129

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #amoreena

[aj-writes-here]

I couldn’t help it and I wrote this, I live for soft Levi:(

His Treasure

Rod Reiss had turned into an amorph titan who could barely stand, Eren was chained and about to be eaten, Erwin was almost executed, the squad was wanted, Historia was now the queen and she used her political power to hit Levi.

And Levi had smiled.

But unfortunately, you were not there to witness all of that. It is not that you were complaining, it would have been good to fight along with your friends and team, but you had other duties that could not be left aside. And you were not sure to drift away from that duty for more than you wanted to. Levi and the squad had been away from the HQ for two weeks now, you trust the soldiers, but what if something had happened and nor you nor Levi were there? Would you have been able to forgive yourselves if something bad had happened? Could you ever bare the fact that something happened to your child while you were away? Probably not, that's why you stood in the HQ while Levi was away.

.However, all of those thoughts vanished when the three of you were together again. Levi wanted nothing more than be away from all the noise and people, damn they were exhausting.

The first thing he did was holding you against his frame, his hands caressing your back as he inhaled the scent of your hair, realizing he had missed you even more than he thought. After sharing a kiss, he took a shower and dressed in clean clothes, no way in hell he was going to hold his baby with the dirt and sweat covering his body.

The minutes passed and the sunlight was fading fast, a warm night coming closer. You were walking around the office to make Theo fall asleep, hopefully, all the stimuli of the day had been effective and he was going to be tired, but it seemed that hearing Levi's voice just made the kid more energetic than the usual.

You smiled when Levi held the kid in his arms, afraid that if he let go the boy would disappear.

''Did you miss him?''

"Like a fucking maniac," he said, laying his hand on the back of the baby's head kissing his forehead, rocking him on his chest right after. The scene melted your heart.

He laid down on the bed, back against the pillows as one of his legs was resting on the floor. Theo was over his chest, his small hands tugging his shirt and apparently, nothing could take the smile away from the baby's face. Levi analyzed his expressions, his facial features. He was just like him, except for the eyes, those were yours. And he was happy about it. Theo's head went to the side, his body following him shortly after about to fall, but Levi held him softly by his head and helped him to get back to his place.

''Oi, get back here brat''

If Theo had clapped before, now he let out a giggle repeating his actions, earning a simple smile from Levi's face. After a while of you looking at the two of them playing with each other hands, or Theo pulling Levi's hair, you smiled at the image of the baby finally looking tired, resting his cheek on his father's chest one more time. He caressed his baby's hair with total care and caution, not wanting to hurt him. His eyes were clasped to the small body resting over his, and he couldn't believe that the two of you had made something so pure in a world so dark. At first, the idea scared the shit out of him, but when he held him for the first time all that he could think about was protecting that little creature, and he was going to do his best to make it happen.

Suddenly, the events from previous days came to his head, sighing at the image and the words repeating inside his head.

''Do you... Do you remember what I told you about my childhood?'' Levi asked, his eyes still on the kid.

''What of everything?'' You answered with another question looking at him with caring eyes knowing that he didn't speak about that very often.

''Kenny.'' His answer was short and harsh, but knowing him as you did, you could tell that there was something else. Sadness, confusion.

''Yes, you lived with him for a couple of years,'' You held your weight on your right elbow while looking at him. ''And... I saw that he was there too. News are fast'' it was hard to put the pieces together, but your ideas were interrupted when he spoke again.

''The bastard was my mother's brother.'' Your eyes opened in surprise, the feeling of wanting to ask him how he was feeling, how did he find out were taking over you, but you knew that just listening and being with him was going to be good for him ''He died right after telling me, tch'' His tone of voice was annoyed, even with a bit of sarcasm. 

''Levi...'' you said, laying your pal on his bicep. The silence was long, and all he was doing was scratching Theo's head with care.

''I asked him why,'' sigh '' Why did he leave me that day to survive on my own. He said he was not meant to be a father.'' Levi scoffed, damn it. He had lost so much and now his uncle, you thought to yourself. ''This brat... He will never go through all of that shit. I'm not leaving his side, even if he hates me when he's fucking sixteen.'' you laughed softly at his words. ''He will always have a home to come back to'' He kissed his forehead one more time, not even caring about the fact that the infant was drooling on his shirt.

''You are already the best father he can have'' You said in a soft voice, giving him a completely sincere smile as you kissed his lips. ''I love you, so much. Both of you'' Closing your eyes, you rested your head on his shoulder, feeling how he moved his head a bit to be close to you while still holding Theo against his frame.

''We love you too, brat.’’ This time, he kissed your head and closed his eyes.

In that shitty world, those moments were his treasure, the treasure he held with his whole life. 

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagines #levi x reader #levi ackerman headcanons #attack on titan imagine #attack on titan

[evilhorses]

Question time! I love the jobs everyone has in the Single Dad AU, but does that mean none of them were ever in CP9, or were they but have all since left/defected/etc? If they were never members, how did the crew all meet? (And do you think any of them act particularly different having not been raised as assassins?)

Oof ok so how my brain works is it actually makes a million little au variations BUT for sanity sake the jobs hcs are for the timeline where Yes! Noone was in cp9!

So in this universe CP9 is "still a thing" but it's an entirely different group of people. I'm not focusing on them though and don't have any plans to even think of what they look like or what they can do so don't expect that anytime soon. This AU is purely focusing on the original group but in a more fun slice of life kind of way! With a little angst here and there maybe, I'm using it mainly as a comfort tool and things may or may not change later but for now it's just a nice family au~

(I do have AUs where they are in CP9 and defect but I'm not ready to share those yet, haven't found a solid plot line e_e)

Ok this is gonna be a long one hhh

As for how they act not being raised as agents?

•Lucci is still very "stoic and grumpy", I hc him as Autistic actually so its more he just has a hard time communicating and doesn't understand social queues sometimes so comes off as rude. Hes very good with kids in this au. He still has his DF powers so he does occasionally get a little bloodlusty? But since he's a more well adjusted human he doesn't actively seek a fight, meets Jabra in the bar and they become rivals (lovingly). Still lucci just less murder. Not sure what his childhood was like yet.

•Kaku is still an orphan but he's mostly just kind of a regular guy? Still talks like an old man though and can still use a couple swords if needed, he just thinks their neat! Also has ADHD out the wazoo

•Jabra does have a more rough background, having been in illegal fighting ring circles but it was just an easy way for him to make money and once he landed his bar job he pretty much stopped, only occasionally going to a fight club when he needs to let out some excess aggression. He also still has his DF because I love my wolf man ❤ good with the kids but in a more fireworks uncle kind of way, stresses tf out of kaku

•Khalifa literally just showed up one day, Noone knows where she came from, the kids love her but she doesn't babysit often. Doesn't make sexual harassment jokes as often but still "teases people with her long legs" -paulie probably. The responsible adult until she's not >:)

•kumadori is still a really weird dude, still thinks his mom is dead for some reason?? She shows up one day and he's very happy to find she's alive, the kids LOVE him because he's so dramatic "he's like a clown!". Still has his staff but more for show

•Fukuro just a big guy, friend shaped. Lives close to Kaku so they run into each other a lot natural friendship happens, is friends with kumadori so that's how he gets introduced to the friend group

•Blueno! I think I forgot about him in the jobs post aaaaaaaaa, he doesn't own the bar!! He owns a butcher shop! I actually got the idea from @/crimekun from some art they did awhile back called trash bags and butchers and I just thinks it's really neat. I love blueno being a butcher more then a bartender because he seems way more like a guy that likes a quiet setting and a bar is so noisy. He has high quality meat so everyone I the group goes to him for shopping, they don't really hang out much because he's more introverted but he does go to an occasional BBQ and becomes the alpha dad.

•spandam knows them because he works at the bank they go to but none of them like him, he sometimes runs into them at like the bar or Cafe but they're never happy to see him, he's still a shitty guy, very entitled. The kids meet him one day when Kaku has to go to the bank, they immediately start crying.

Bonus

•ok so Val....I don't have much posted on her actual story because it's kind of complicated BUT I will say for this au she's far less uhh...traumatized? She worked as a professor back on an island, her family is this like.. big wealthy and highly respected group of professors and knights and just a whole bunch of things. It's weird I'll have to make a separate post for it. But uh yeah she has a lot of money from being this highly respected professor in forensic science. She's very very "eccentric" some would call her. The island she teaches on isn't her home island though 👀

So mostly just people with weird quirks, I do eventually wanna talk about the other AUs I have and might post stuff for them soon, I just have low energy lately and only draw at work atm unfortunately~

#sorry if this is a bit rambly or off topic #i just woke up #single dad au #brain is scattered today #this is helping me develop the au more so dont be shy to send mlre questions 👀❤ #pagingdoctorbedlam #oof this is all over the place #i had to draft this for a little bit and now im more awake bdkabxks #oh well hope this is fun to read at least 😅

[plasticdean]

stone cold - chapter 4

recruitment

mob!dean-charles chapman au  warnings: language, mentions of drug use word count: 2.3k series masterlist

Justin has been added to the character list so check that out before you read this chapter! 

I didn’t really have many friends growing up. Not a lot of parents were crazy about their kids hanging out with Leo Stone’s son. You really couldn’t blame them for that, my dad is a fucking psycho.

Justin Martinez was my childhood best friend. My mom and his mom were best friends when they were teenagers and as soon as they had kids of their own, they wanted us to have the same friendship they did. However, when we were both six, Justin’s mom died of breast cancer which hit my mom hard, she wasn’t herself for a long time.

After her death, Justin had to move in with his dad who lived in Brooklyn which was around an hour away. Mom would usually drive me there and drop me off to stay the night but after her death, I’d have whatever nanny I had for the time being do it.

Justin’s dad was an asshole; not as much as my dad was but he was definitely up there. He was a drunk junkie and an abusive asshole that spent his days mooching money off of Justin’s mom’s side of the family and saying it was to “help take care of him” and sticking needles in different parts of his body. None of his time was spent taking actual good care of his son and none of the money he’d get was used for Justin. 

As I grew up, I grew protective of him. I wasn’t afraid to call his dad a piece of shit to his face, or even throwing in a punch, knocking him out cold. It didn’t really take much to knock out someone that’s drunk or high, or both. One good hit will have them hit the ground so fast and passed out for a couple of hours.

I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t defend myself like that with my own dad and being able to help someone that went through the shit I did kind of comforted me in some kind of way. Or, maybe it was just because, in the words of my father, “I’m a fucking psycho”.

Whatever it was, I didn’t care, just as long as he was okay.

Justin’s dad ended up going to prison for 15 years for second-degree robbery when we were both 15. After this, he ended up moving away to Massachusetts to live with his aunt and uncle who were loaded with money.

Having to say goodbye to my best friend and my only friend really fucking sucked but I was happy for him, he deserved to have a chance at having a good life and be surrounded by family that loved him and cared for him. 

After moving, he never tried to get in touch with me. He’d either send me short messages or just ignore me. He never tried to call, never answered my calls, and never made plans with me to visit or for me to visit him. I could understand though, once you move away from your toxic life and start a new one that’s actually not shitty, you never wanna go back.

It sucked to not feel needed anymore but it fucking sucked even more to lose what you needed.

_______________

My hands felt clammy, the collar of my dress shirt felt like it was choking me, and my leg couldn’t stop bouncing.

“Can you roll the window down?” I ask my driver from the backseat.

He rolls it down as one of my guards that’s sitting next to me looks at me with concern, “You okay boss?”

Boss. This dude was like 20 years older than me. Hell would have to freeze over before I’d call anyone younger than me “boss”.

I nod and stick my head out of the window just a little bit, “Yeah, I’m just hot.”

I was on my way to the “meeting” my father wanted me to have with one of his workers at the warehouse that our shipments of “goods” went out of. Since this was about missing money, I’m guessing this meeting is gonna be exactly like the one on the yacht. At least this time I wouldn’t have my dad and grandpa breathing down my neck and judging me for every fucking move I make.

I can’t lie and say that I’m not nervous, of course, I am, I’m human. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as I didn’t show that, when you start showing signs in any way that you’re not confident, people will automatically get the upper hand on you.  

I ran through the plan on what I was going to do when I found the guy. Maybe act all buddy buddy to him and then just go all serious and scare the shit out of him until he gives me an answer? Or maybe just start it by beating the shit out of him and ask questions after?

I was taken away from my thoughts as the large warehouse came into view. I let out a deep breath before getting out of the car as it stopped right in front of the building, my men followed me into the entrance doors. 

I approached the first worker I saw, “Is there a Justin that works here?”

He makes eye contact with me, his eyes slightly widen as he realizes who I am, “Uh yes sir, do you want me to get him or show you where he is?”

“Bring him to me, one of my men will go with you to get him then bring him to me. I’ll be out on the docks down at the water,” I say before turning around and walking out, down the hill to the water. 

My two other men stood by my side as I waited for the guy to be brought out. I put my hand on my holster to prepare for any case where the guy comes out with guns blazing.

My heart was beginning to pound harder than it was in the car. I really should’ve smoked a cigarette first before I decided to just eagerly barge into the warehouse. I was just really ready to get this over with.

As I was internally fighting with myself on if I should just say fuck it and pull out a cigarette, two figures came down the hill. I recognized my guard as one of them and the other one was a bit smaller. 

I fixed my posture and clenched my jaw as I gripped the handle of the gun that was still in the holster that was attached to my hip. I had a hard grip on it for maybe 15 seconds before I froze in place.

My heart began pounding faster than before, I could feel myself getting hot as I slowly began to recognize the figure that was next to my guard.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

The look of confidence I attempted was completely wiped away. My guard stood off to the side as I stared at the approaching figure with wide eyes and my mouth slightly open.

“Hey, Dean.”

Justin fucking Martinez.

There he was, right in front of me, seven years older. He looks so different but somehow still the same. He was the same height as me and had the same face full of freckles but had facial hair and he seemed to carry himself in a way I can’t explain. 

7 years is a lot of time and while everyone changes in that amount of time, he was different. He wasn’t that same vulnerable, scared, angry kid he was when we were friends. 

He looked like he has been through shit but still carried himself with confidence and looked fearless. 

He was attractive.

“You work here?” I ask, finally being able to find the words to speak.

He smirked, “You mean I work for you? Yeah, I do.”

As I go to speak he cuts me off, “No, your dad doesn’t know that I work here. He really wasn’t involved with the hiring process here. He has people for that. Or should I say had since they’re your people now.”

I was confused by his monotone voice yet playful look he had on his face. I don’t know if it’s the shock of seeing him again or the fact that I was about to have a “meeting” with my childhood best friend that made me feel so tense and uncomfortable but I knew he could tell I was. He automatically had the upper hand.

I sigh and look away from him for the first time since I saw him, “Listen, Justin, I’m just gonna ask you straight up.”

I look back at him, staring straight into his dark brown eyes, “Did you take money from us?”

He frowns and puts his hands in his pocket, he’d do that when he was nervous, maybe I had the upper hand now.

He shook his head and shrugged, “Why would I steal from you?”

“You didn’t steal from me, you stole from my dad.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because-”

“Because your dad told you to? So you’re still listening to that asshole, even when you’re the one who’s supposed to be in charge?” 

I had to stop and take a second to think about what he said. He wasn’t wrong, my father was making me clean up his messes or do his dirty work for him when it’s me that owns all of this. 

“Guys, can you give us some time to talk alone? I’ll be fine,” I said to all my guards. They gave me an unsure look before nodding and walking back up the hill where they can still see me but can give me the privacy I needed.

“Just tell me, did you steal money? I’m not gonna kill you over it or anything like that. I just wanna know,” I asked lowly.

Justin sighed and looked out at the water, shaking his head, “I needed the money.”

I close my eyes and sigh. Why Justin, why?

“Before you freak the fuck out, just listen to me, please?” He begs.

I nod before sitting down on the edge of the dock, swinging my legs slightly as I look down at the dark waters below me.

Justin sits down next to me and sighs, “I won’t lie, life was pretty fucking great when I first moved to Massachusetts.”

Ow.

“I mean, not having you there felt really fucking weird and it sucked. I do still feel like an asshole for completely ghosting you cause shit, you were all I had after my mom died. But I was 15, I found a new group of friends, who were complete douchebags. Like seriously, the old me and you would’ve beat the shit out of them,” Justin and I chuckle at the same time, remembering how brutal we were to the arrogant assholes we went to school with.

“Anyways, after I graduated, things just went downhill. My uncle was a fucking prick and kicked me out because “his father kicked him out when he was 18 and it taught him so many things in life so he wanted the same for me” and all that shit but they fucking knew I had nothing planned out which, I will admit, it’s my fault but holy fuck they didn’t even give me time to try and get my shit together. They just threw me out and wouldn’t let me back in. So, because I was basically homeless, I got into the wrong crowd and just got into drugs and alcohol, just like my piece of shit sperm donor. But, one night I just got completely fucked and I ended up having to go to the hospital to get my stomach pumped which, of course, put me in rehab. Dean, the fucking place I went to was so fucking weird and shit but it helped me find a sponsor who basically acts as my babysitter just in case I almost relapse. And because of him, I got this job a little over a year ago.”

A YEAR ago?

“Wait, you’ve been working here for over a year and never thought to just try and get ahold of me?” I ask offended.

Justin chuckled, “Honestly, I thought you would’ve been out of here when you turned 18.”

Fuck, I wish.

“I should’ve but I just can’t go without figuring out what happened to my mom,” I say with a sigh.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. But I swear Dean, I only took money to pay rent, I was so fucking behind that they were about to evict me and-”

“Justin it’s fine, I don’t give a shit about what you took from my dad,” I say with a smirk.

He lets out a sigh of relief and jokingly wipes his forehead, “Thank god. I’m not gonna lie Dean, you have gotten intimidating as fuck,” he exclaims.

I laugh and shake my head, “I have been learning from my wonderful father and grandpa.”

Justin rolls his eyes, “Fuck them. You are so much better and smarter than them. I hope you take this bullshit business from them and drive it straight into the fucking ground.”

As soon as he said that my plan instantly came into my thoughts. Justin is the only person on this earth that I have always trusted and that I know will always have my back. He could help me with it and greatly benefit from it.

I turn my head to face him, grinning slightly.

Justin faces me and smirks, “Uh oh, I know that look. What are you planning?”

I stand up and adjust my jacket as I look down at him, his dark eyes already focused on me, “I’m gonna take the business, but, I’m gonna drive them straight into the fucking ground…and I want you to help me.”

#dean charles chapman #dean-charles chapman #mob!dean #dean charles chapman imagine #dean charles chapman au

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Family.

With: Eggsy x Reader.

Note: It happens around the second movie.

Word Count: 2,400.

After the whole incident with Poppy and her drugs, Harry was more than happy to go back home. Of course, his old house now was nothing but ashes but he and Eggsy could share a new house while Eggsy searched for a new place.

Harry, however, was nervous, a secret that only Merlin, God has his soul, knew. Harry had a daughter. Relationships and attachments were forbidden by the Kingsman, but no even Harry with all his loyalty could ignore when he first fell in love.

The woman was his sweetheart in high school, but when he left for the army he broke up with her.

Years passed and one day he was at a pub having a few drinks on his own trying to decide if he should or shouldn’t accept the Kingsman invitation. What he didn’t realize at first was the lady checking him out the whole night, when he did he saw the sweet girl he loved dearly in his early years, of course, her body was more accentuated and she wasn’t his sweet girl anymore, but a woman.

Harry didn’t lose time to talk to her, and she didn’t hold any resentment from him. The night ends up better than he thought it would.

He accepted the Kingsman’s offer but to his dismay, he couldn’t keep a relationship on his new field, differently than the army. So for the second time, Harry ended with her.

What he didn’t know, was that she was pregnant with his daughter.

You.

Over the years you never knew your father, while an innocent child you always asked your mother and she told you stories that he was a superhero saving the world, in the early moments you accepted and felt joy hearing that.

But when your mother was the only one you had and the kids made fun saying bad things about her, you started to pick up fights.

Your mother didn’t approve of course, but how could you accept those stupid kids saying bad things about your mother? You could not.

More years passed and your mother grew sick, cancer was what took her away from you. Your only family.

You finished school but the public school system didn’t work so good as people like to say, you had rent to pay and so many hospital bills that you couldn’t lose time studying for exams, you had to work. And the pub where your mother used to work was where accepted you.

Johnny, the owner, liked your mother dearly and even when you were younger he loved having you around, in the earlier hours of course, not when the place was filled with drunk people.

And on your eldest 17’s you started to work half shift and when you finally made 18 you worked twice as hard.

Men were shitty but gladly Johnny never saw you with a second intention and whenever some customer said something about you he was quick to dismiss them. It wasn’t like Johnny was your father, you would never see him as your father figure, but he was something close to an uncle… Maybe even a godfather.

Life wasn’t easy, and being lonely sucked.

One day you got home and to your surprise, your door was unlocked. Your heart had reached skyrocket at the moment, your house wasn’t in the calmer neighborhood after all.

Opening your purse and grabbing your switchblade you stepped inside the place. Nothing was out of the place, but you spotted a man sitting on your couch. Your childhood photo album on his hands.

“You need to change your lock. It was too easy to break in.” The man spoke without glancing at you.

“Yeah, now I’ll have to buy a new one.”

Darting his eyes at you he chuckled at the switchblade on your hand. “You should have another weapon, that one wouldn’t help if I was some robber.”

“It works perfectly for me. Who the hell are you and what are you doing at my house?”

“My name is Harry Hart, and… I’m your father.”

The words didn’t have the effect you thought it would. Along the years you wondered about that single moment, when your superhero father would appear, or perhaps the pirate of the fairy tales your mother used to tell you with a hint of sadness on her eyes.

But now? As an adult? Oh no, he wouldn’t enter your life so easily. “‘I’m your father’ that is it? After years and years you come here, break my lock and tell me that? What do you want?”

“Y/N I don’t want nothing, I’m-”

“You’re out of here. Get out of my house now before I call the police.”

“Can you listen?”

“No! Get out of here now!” Your voice grew louder and it surely made him uncomfortable, but he could not blame you for this.

Harry got on his feet and placed the album above the center table, he also took a card out of his pocket and let above the book. “If you need anything, please, do not hesitate to call.”

You look at him cautiously when he reached the door you grabbed the card and handed to him. “I don’t need you nor your help, I have been good on my own.”

Harry didn’t seem fazed by your attitude he only nodded and left closing the door behind.

You let a sob and broke in tears. You were so so tired! Working non stop to pay bills you didn’t even seem coming, it wasn’t like you lived in a luxurious place or that you had expensive clothes or shoes, you barely had food! And now the man who abandoned your mother came back offering for help? Oh no no no! You had too much self-love to accept his money.

Days passed after the incident and you were glad Harry didn’t appear again. It was the beginning of the month so Johnny paid you your salary and you didn’t even smile since all the money would be directed to the credit cards which you had used to pay the hospital for your deceased mother.

Reaching the bank you clicked in the directions and placed the money inside an envelope ready to pay another of the expensive parcels. However, when it opened it didn’t appear any money required, it was all paid. How?

Was it Harry? Oh no! He wouldn’t! … would he?

Calling the bank number you spoke with the clerk who explained that a man on his late 50’s appeared and paid the entire bill.

It was Harry then.

His card was still at your house, inside the trash can in the kitchen. Dealing the number he was quick to answer. “Y/N.”

“Listen I don’t know if you are trying to compensate the years of absence but I don’t need or want you. I don’t know how you knew about my bills but I don’t want your money. Please take it back.”

“I’m sorry, I cannot blame you for feeling in that way, but I think with your age you shouldn’t work like that to pay so many bills. You should be in college now, should be building your future.”

“My future? I have never seen you before and you never cared! Now you suddenly are worried?! Listen I want you to get your money back and leave me alone.”

“Well then.” Was his answer before declining.

For days you pondered about it all, did he knew of your existence before his arrival? Has he known about your mother’s sickness?

When you were losing sleep over this you texted him an address to have a coffee, you needed a few answers!

In the end, Harry knew about you since you were 5, your mother had a lot of pride -as you- and didn’t accept his money. And when he discovered she was sick he stood a few days in the hospital, in the early hours when you would be in school.

It was a slow process, but happily, you and Harry got closer than you thought it would. You were smart and knew all your wrath was some sort of shield trying to get hurt. You wouldn’t see him as a father figure, but he was a friend.

He explained what his job was and how sorry he was, which you didn’t believe at first was that he looked for you the moment he found out you had born. Apparently, your mother didn’t want his money nor his help, it was harsh to accept but you couldn’t blame her, she did the best she could and raised you with all she could give.

Harry showed you his house and Mr. Pickle! You loved dogs and even if a little macabre, it was good to see he was a good man. He said he was looking for some new agent whom would grab his spot. A retirement would do good for him.

After making sure he wouldn’t disappear and leave you alone you allowed him in, apparently, he has lots of money, and even if you didn’t care for it he made sure helping you it wouldn’t hurt.

You left your previous job, but promised Johnny you would visit! You left your old small apartment and stood with Harry for a few days while you searched for a place, nothing expensive of course. You didn’t want to leave your old place for starters, not if it wasn’t with your own money,

Meanwhile, Harry saw how good you were with technology, even if he wanted you to go to college and have a second chance in life, he wondered of how of a great addition you would do in the secret service.

Harry took you to meet Merlin like some sort of internship, and for Harry’s joy, Merlin loved how intelligent you were.

You got a job as his assistant, all the job’s benefits included.

Harry asked Merlin to keep you as a secret, no one, especially Arthur, could know you were his daughter. You didn’t get sad about that, you understood.

So many things happened and when Harry died you felt betrayed, he promised he wouldn’t abandon you, yet he did. And you not only lost your mother, the only family you knew once, but also your… father.

But now, he was back. Harry was anxious because you probably had grief for him, and now he would come back. It was even hard for him to understand the whole situation Ginger had made, but he was happy.

Eggsy didn’t understand why Harry was so concerned to go back home. “Are you that nervous to share your house with me?” Eggsy asked while both flew back to London, ready to re-build the Kingsman facility.

“What? Don’t be ridiculous.” Harry did love Eggsy as his own son after all.

“Then what is the problem?”

“Eggsy, I- I…”

“You what?”

Letting a sigh Harry tried to find the courage. “I have a daughter. Around your age, her name is Y/N.”

“What? Why you never told me this before?” Eggsy asked and tried to read Harry’s worries. “Wait, she doesn’t know you’re an agent?”

“She does, she works for the Kingsman as well, to be honest, the intelligence part.”

Eggsy eyes widened at that, he never thought of it before. But his eyes widened, even more, remembering how Poppy exploded the whole Kingsman. “Harry, is she alright?!”

“Yes, she is. I asked Merlin and thankfully she was out with a few friends on that fearful day.”

“Thank God! So, why are you so worried?”

“I’m the only family she has left, and I bet the moment she saw me 'dying’ in Valentine’s hands she felt all the sorrow again. Now I will appear to her like a ghost.”

“I bet she will be happy.”

                 …

And as Egssy said, you did.

Of course, it was unexpected seeing him there, alive. For a few seconds, you stood frozen in the spot, you recognized Eggsy of the files you’ve seen and the times Harry mentioned the boy. But seeing Harry, your father, alive was amazing!

Hugging him with all of your strength Harry felt relieved by your reaction.

It would be a long process to rebuild Kingsman and everything that it leads, but Harry was happy to have you and Eggsy by his side.

Three Years Later.

Eggsy was a flirt. And how could you ignore that sweet boy? Five months after Harry coming back to your life you and Eggsy started to date.

Harry made the whole ’father speech’ to him but you knew he approved the relationship between you two.

Kingsman would never be the same without Merlin and Harry’s/Eggsy’s fellow’s agents, but it was working.

Gladly with the Kingsman’s Kentucky division, things were working even better.

You shared your house with your beloved boyfriend, he just finished a mission in Japan and was about to arrive home.

“Baby, I’m home!” Hearing his voice you ran downstairs to hug him.

“Finally!” You attacked him with kisses and were received with the same passion. “I knew you were safe but nothing feels better than having you here.”

He took a time to hold your face in his hands, nothing as better than be at home. “I know I know, but what would I do if my best girl wasn’t in my ear-com all the time to give me instructions inside that Japanese mob?”

Grinning at him you faked pondering. “Hmmm, probably dead.”

“Yeah.” He engulfed you in a tight embrace ad you stood there for what seemed like hours.

Eggsy was amazing, and having him under your hands meant the world. His job was important, but the nervous state you got was insane. “I called Harry in the way and we will have dinner in that expensive restaurant.”

“Babe, I’m happy you and my father have such a great bond but I missed you.”

He knew very well what you meant. “Y/N, I have been gone for nine days, and we spoke basically the whole time.”

“Blame me for missing my boyfriend.” You replied and he smiled at your eagerness.

“I missed you too. Buuut if we cancel now he’ll know what we will be doing and I do not need him to give me a speech.”

Harry would surely give him a speech. “You are right, my love.”

After getting ready and controlling in the maximum to not jump in each other’s bodies you and Eggsy arrived in the restaurant.

Harry was already there and it was good to feel so much love.

Your life has changed and you were glad it did. You had your father and your boyfriend with you, the work wasn’t the most ’mortal’ one but you helped to save the world and that was really gratifying.

And for Harry, he not only took care of his friend’s son like was his own, but also found his daughter, his family. Something he never knew he needed but was glad it happened.

                    …

#eggsy x reader #kingsman x reader

[duker42]

💜The Tea Shop Part 2💜 Levi x Reader

Part 1 Here!

Levi’s POV:

Y/N trailed behind me out of the shop, griping Harry’s small hand in a comforting way. I look back to see Y/N smile. “Okay! Harry, we need to get you some new clothes and get you cleaned up.” The boy looked up at her, confused. “New clothes? I’ve never had them before.” The look that flashes across her face speaks to her compassion. I notice small tears build up in her eyes. She shakes her head, as if to clear memories from it. I watch her, fascinated.

Walking into a nearby shop, Y/N quickly purchased a new set of clothes and shoes to fit the boy. The boy walks out, proudly holding the box as he questions Y/N. “Why couldn’t I wear them now?” Her clear, bright laughter filled the air. “Harry, you need a very good scrubbing before you put on clean clothes. You look worse than I do after an expedition!” His small giggle warmed warmed my heart, but I grimace, she usually is a dirty brat when we come back into the walls.

“Oi, come on. I know a bath house where we can clean the kid.” I hear myself offer as I turn and walk away. Upon reaching the establishment, I walk in and ask for a private bathing room and towels. After being shown to the bathing room, I remove my jacket and roll my sleeves. I start getting the tub ready while Y/N convinced Harry that he needed this bath and no one was going to hurt him. I think back to my own childhood and frown as I prepare to scrub this dirty urchin.

Coaxing the young child into the bath was hard, but once he hit the water, he played and rubbed the bubbles on himself, giggling. Y/N’s soft smile, almost motherly, took me by surprise. She seemed to actually care about the boy’s well being. “What do you plan to do once the boy is clean Y/N? You can’t take him back to HQ.” I murmured while scrubbing Harry’s hair for the forth time. “I have a place he can go, he will be well taken care of, Captain.” She replied, breaking eye contact with me.

Y/N’s POV:

The Captain looks a bit startled at my reply. I brace myself for the barrage of questions, but hearing none, I look up to see the handsome raven haired man just looking at me. Sighing, I give in to the unspoken demand of his eyes. “I grew up quite wealthy. I was raised by my uncle, who had no children, when my parents died. He never seemed to care for me, besides making sure my needs were met. He just needed me to keep the family money, I guess. I was free to go and do as I pleased. I spent a lot of time roaming the streets of Sina. One day I met my best friend, Sven. He was an orphan that was running away from those disgusting places they kept quote ‘unwanted brats’. He saved me from getting the shit beat out of me by a group of older kids. I realize now that I could have very easily have been just like Sven, if I didn’t have my Uncle. I brought Sven home with me and snuck him into the house. It was a month before it was discovered, and in that time, we had bonded like brother and sister. He had planned to join the Scouts when he was of age, wanted to venture beyond the walls. He taught me how to defend myself, how to spot liars, and how to believe in myself. We were going to take on the world together and defeat the titans. God, we were so naive.” I look at Harry, his hair starting shine under the Captain’s scrubbing. Levi pulls the drain plug on the tub to release the dirty water. Refilling it, he begins to scrub the little boys body, washing the grime from him. Piercing me with his stormy grey eyes, he motions for me to continue. “When my uncle found out some quote ‘street rat’ was staying in his home, he went berserk. He sent Sven back to that hellish orphanage, and no amount of begging or crying would change his mind. He locked me in my room for a week as punishment. When I finally got out of there, I found out that he.....had been beaten to death by the caretakers. I was devastated.” Tears began to fall as I looked away from the boy being scrubbed by my fierce Captain.

“I later found out that he had been beaten to death for stopping the caretaker from violating one of the little girls there. She told me how Sven had saved her that night. When my uncle died, I took my family fortune and I bought the orphanage. I had the caretakers thrown in jail, and proceeded to set it up the way I thought it should be. A loving environment, safe, where children can grow up without worrying about being abused or hungry. Harry, here, will have a chance, a chance that Sven never had. And I joined the Scouts, fulfilling his dream, our dream, of traveling outside the walls.” I stop as I feel a hand grasp my chin, turning my head back towards his penetrating gaze. “You are a good person, Y/N. Most people in Sina would turn a blind eye to cruelty of the world. You are striving to make a change within these shitty walls. That is no small task.” I feel myself blush profusely at his praise.

“There, the brat is somewhat clean. Could use another scrubbing...” Levi grumbles as he releases the bathtub drain for the last time. I snort with laughter as he gives me a hard look. “Captain, the poor boy is raw right now. Let his skin recover!” Huffing, he lifts Harry out of the tub, wrapping him in a large clean towel. The moment Harry’s feet hit the ground, he sprints over to the bench where the packages are waiting. “Y/N! Can I wear my new clothes now???” The little scamp grins as he looks up at me with puppy eyes. “Yes, Harry, lets get you dressed and then we will go to see your new home.” His little eyes widen in excitement and fear as he gleefully rips into the package to pull out his stiff new clothes. Helping him get dressed, I listen to him exclaim over every new item as the Captain cleans up and puts his outfit back to rights.

Leaving the bathhouse, I lead the two down familiar streets until we come to a large private estate, a fence surrounding the property. “This is where I am going to stay???” Harry’s eyes widen as he takes in the large stone front of the house and giggling children running around in the sunshine.

Levi’s POV:

I take in the obvious wealth that comes with an estate like this. It’s like a home Isabel would have wanted to burglarize when we came to the surface. I watch as Y/N goes to the side gate, walking through confidently. There are several kids, running and laughing in the sunshine, lighthearted and free. I follow behind as I push Harry through gently. Looking at how Y/N carried herself and how frugal she was with her Scout’s pay, no one would ever believe she had grown up in this house. Walking through the garden, a woman around Y/N’s age met us at a table where she was setting out afternoon snacks for the kids. “Y/N! We weren’t expecting you today! What a lovely surprise!” The gentle woman greets Y/N warmly as she rushes over to pull her in for a quick hug. “Sandra, you look as lovely as ever! How is everyone?” Y/N smiles fondly as the lady is quick to look behind her and see Harry and I. “Everyone is fantastic. I see you have brought us a new addition to our happy home. Have you also brought a beau by?” She coyly asks. My eyes widen slightly at the idea of courting Y/N. “Sandra! No this is my squad leader, Captain Levi. Captain Levi, this is headmistress Sandra. She oversees the orphanage for me. This young man beside him is Harry. We became friends this morning. Harry, please come say hi to a friend of mine.” Harry came forward shyly, but quickly warmed up to the effervescent woman. I nod and say a quick hello as I take in the obvious closeness between the two women.

Staying for tea time, I listen as Sandra and Y/N caught up on the happenings around the orphanage. One of the older children, a girl named Andrea, was adopted last week and seemed to be settling in nicely with her new family. “When will the next home check be, Sandra?” I hear as I stir my fresh cup of tea. I shift in my seat as my interest is piqued. I have never heard of such a thing. Home visits? Checking on the kids after they left the orphanage? This is really showing the true nature of Y/N and the people she put in charge. “We will make a surprise visit in two weeks, Y/N. Don’t worry, the Andersons are a wonderful couple. They were never able to have children of their own, so they sought us out. Andrea is in a good home.” A knowing look flashes across Sandra’s face as she watches the children playing in the garden. Harry has quickly taken to the new kids, running around with them. I clear my throat before asking “Sandra is the girl that Sven saved, isn’t she?” “Yes, I am Captain Levi. You are a very perceptive man.” She smiles. “I see why she likes you.” Sputtering, Y/N chokes on her tea, turning red from embarrassment and the lack of air. I calmly lean over and whack her on the back a few times, my face neutral but my heart racing.

After saying goodbye to Harry, we make our way off the grounds, walking silently on the streets. Glancing over at Y/N, she seems reluctant to start a conversation with me, shy from the previous conversations revelations. “I need to find a new tea shop, Y/N. Would you like to accompany me?” I ask as I cut my eyes over to her, watching. Smiling brightly, she hooks her arm around mine. “Lead the way, sir!”

“Try not to ruin this one Y/N.”

“No promises....”

The End.

Mobile MasterList

#aot fanfiction #attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi aot #snk levi #captain levi #levi ackerman x reader #shingeki no kyojin #snk x reader #aot x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #levi x reader #levi heichou #snk fanfiction

[bearsfakedthemoonlanding]

Family Stuff

[CW: family turmoil, drug mention, alcohol mention, talk about what could go wrong when i come out, transphobia later on when I start talking about my dad]

I don’t know if my accidental gap year was beneficial or detrimental for all of this.  On one hand, it was absolute hell on my mental health.  A real bad year, for sure.  Lots of exhaustion and panicky feelings and drinking and the classic family “picking up the pieces after my grandmother loses her shit and my mom starts to fall apart” game.  Started taking anti-anxiety meds and relying on them pretty heavily (which isn’t by itself a bad thing, but as someone who has now shown he can function really damn well without them, a little concerning). 

Then again, I got really close to my parents.  Not in quick bursts, like I started to during college breaks when I returned home, but functionally.  For over a year we were living with each other and interacting on an adult level, not a high school level.  It was nice. 

My mom and I always had a pretty close relationship, besides the few month spat immediately after my coming out.  But the gap year really gave me the chance to get close to my dad again in a way I haven’t felt much since before puberty.

It was nice.  I grew much closer with my maternal grandparents (grandfather and step-grandmother, grandmother on that side is a wound that I’m not sure is ever going to scab over properly).  I got to know my little cousin, and felt less like an alien around my aunts and uncles on my father’s side.  Really started to feel like a grown up. 

I like the connections I made there.  I like feeling something a bit deeper than “well, we’re Related,” y’know?  I also earned myself a bit of merit by how I behaved while there.  I was working two jobs and keeping constantly busy, doing a lot of farm work for my dad.  I earned a good bit of respect for not being a bum. 

And now I’ve moved out, and almost immediately started transitioning.  I don’t know if the connections I made are strong enough to survive this.  Am I putting everything in jeopardy?  Obviously what matters here is personal happiness.  We live in an individualistic society, and I’m certain that these are the choices that feel most comfortable.  I won’t be uncomfortable for the sake of my family, not in regards to this.  This is mine.  In a perfect world, they’d support me. 

When I was a young gay teen and everything had started going to hell around me (myself included), and then further when I was a young gay adult in college far far away from my family, I was convinced there would be some Grand moment.  Some big blow up.  The Fight I’d been waiting for.  

My mother didn’t let me come out verbally to everyone.  She couldn’t really control what I did with my hair or clothes anymore, couldn’t curb my behavior when I only saw her three months out of the year.  But the fact that I was gone so much made it harder to do anything rash.  If I came home for Christmas, and I came out, and then I left, it wasn’t my problem to deal with.  It was hers.  I couldn’t do that to her. 

But homosexuality (or, as it would be, bisexuality), was something that could be tucked away.  I could date and explore and it could all be a careful little secret.  I figured the big blow would come when I married, when I invited my entire family and nobody showed.  I’ve been making peace with that.

But this.  This isn’t some secret.  There’s plausible deniability in a gender non-conforming kid who never brings home a boyfriend and acts a little off.  “She’s so quirky.”  You know. 

There’s no plausible deniability in a deepened voice and different shaped body and facial hair.  There’s no plausible deniability in becoming a man.  

Maybe it won’t be fast.  Maybe it won’t be immediate.  I was a late bloomer anyways, I don’t know what my testosterone timeline will look like.  But I know the changes are coming, and when I start looking the way I want, it’ll be strange to still use those words.  Niece. Daughter. Girl. My birthname can stay, I don’t mind, but she/her?  It’ll finally make everyone else as uncomfortable with it as I’ve felt for a long time. 

There’ll be no more plausible deniability. 

What will the extended family think?  Will they tut and be disturbed but polite (passive aggressive), or will they ban me outright?  “Don’t tell IT when family christmas is.” Motherfucker it’s on Christmas.  It’s always on Christmas, aunt Carol, what the fuck? 

More concerning, what will my father think?  

I think my mother and I will survive this.  It’ll hardly be the first time I’ve surprised and disturbed her.  I’m her only child, and I’ve always been a terrible handful. My entire childhood I was too emotional, too sensitive, I was constantly sick, I was rough-and-tumble and always in some sort of a cast for breaking something.  I was weird.  And then I was goth, and then I was gay, and my mother has eventually come to terms with all of this. 

She’ll either break down and, slowly, we’ll fix ourselves again, or she’ll have seen this coming.  Or both.  Or neither.  I think she’s as unpredictable as I am, actually. 

But my dad is loudly morally opposed to all of this.  I don’t know what he thinks Galatians 3:28 actually MEANS, but he’ll quote every other bible verse he can find (and everything his shitty, stupid pastor feeds him) before considering this might be something bigger.  Might be beyond the bible, or even allowed by it.  Might not be half-bad.  He thinks trans people shouldn’t get healthcare, thinks it shouldn’t be allowed.  Thinks it’s an american right to discriminate against us.  Thinks the bathroom thing is bullshit, thinks we’re asking for it. 

He also thinks we shouldn’t be attacked, shouldn’t be beaten or killed, but he’s always been more of an “all sins hold the same weight” sort of man.  He’s absolutely against it.  

I don’t know what I’ll do to make this all okay.  I like getting along with him.  I like bonding, and making him proud.  I spent the past year doing “boyish” activities with him.  I never let him take me hunting, sure, but we went shooting and we built shit, we put gates in the ground and hauled lumber and did electrical work and plumbing and we wrestled and threw hay and drank beer, 

and I’m so fucking scared that I won’t be able to do any of those things as his son, instead of his daughter.

Then again, I don’t anticipate living at home ever again.  I’ll visit, if they let me, but I’m on my own now.  Maybe it won’t matter.  Maybe i won’t ever stay long enough to notice those things are missing.  Maybe I should just be grateful for the year that I had, and let that be.  

There’s really no use fretting about it before it happens.  My transition will continue, and my family will respond however they choose, and I’ll be strong enough to deal with whatever the fallout may be.  We’ll get there. 

I am. Beyond grateful that I’m doing this as a young adult, and not a teenager, or an undergrad.  Wish I’d figured out my identity younger, wish there’d been less uncertainty, but I can’t imagine facing down these decisions at fifteen.  

To the kids who are figuring this out young, you are impossibly brave.  I’m inspired by you.  I look up to you.  I wasn’t that strong as a teen.  It’s sad that so many of you have to be strong like that. 

These are just thoughts for the day.  I’ll read this after I’ve told them the truth, see how many of my fears have blossomed or died.  Boyhood is weird, but not in a bad way.

Sorry dad.

#trans guy #ftm #trans boy #lgbt #coming out #queer #parents #family

[redroseworks]

you should talk abt your earth-116 oc kids 👀

Akajsjakakah ok you asked for it lol

Idk where to start

Oh wait the three dc ocs that are kinda sort of their own thing except for one anyway

Lynn Small aka Selkie. Gothamite. Half Atleantean. Hates their dad. Goth. Eventually a sorcerer. Bad at coping.

Quatashia McFadden aka Lady Iris. Wonder Woman stan. Her mom is the goddess Iris. Would be offended by the pjo books. Retires from being a hero very early in life.

Jivika Chabra aka Kali. Her bio mother is lady shiva who donated her egg for a gay assassin couple to use with a surrogate. Yeah it's a long story. Also jivika isnt happy that they wanted her to be an assassin later in life. But like she only finds that out when they're both dead? They weren't planning on actually training her till she was 18 anyway. At least she can yell at their ghosts. Would kin Danny Phantom. She ends up dating Emiko Queen while in college!

Now my dickroy kiddos

Valerie Harper-Grayson. Adopted when she was three. Part Atleantean. Damian is her favorite Uncle bc he is almost always up for taking her to the aquarium. Then again Damian is basically all the Harper-Grayson kiddos fav Uncle. She never gets into the whole vigilante/hero business.

John Bo Harper-Grayson. Yeah John Bo is his whole first name. He goes by Bo. Hes biologically Roy and dicks kid. He'll eventually become Nightwing but he stays out of vigilante stuff till hes about 19.

Dylras Harper-Grayson. He was adopted as a baby from New Tamaran! He was rescued from uhh human/alien traffickers. He becomes Flamebird to Bo's Nightwing.

So now Bo's best friend: Jordan Lance-Queen! Haldinahollie's kid.

Jordan is biologically Hal's and a surrogate. They literally tried to find a surrogate that looked like Dinah. Jordan ends up being nonbinary so luckily they already had a gender neutral name. They'll eventually become Green Arrow! Their main goal in life is to make Bo suffer.

And then there are the Kent-Waynes and Allen-Waynes. Timkonbart kiddos.

Logan Kent-Wayne is tim and kons kid. Hes a really sweet kid though I havent wrote him as well him yet since I've mainly written him in a time period where he hasn't come out yet. He literally named himself after an actor cough garfield logan cough from a science fiction show he liked but then he found out said actor is friends with his uncle dick and he will never admit this.

Then there are the actually older than Logan twins. Except their clones. Made by lex luthor with DNA from kon and tim, Clark and Bruce Kent-Wayne use to be known as Alexander and Alexa Legacy. Maybe they were a little evil but they changed. They wanted to choose new names for their new lifes and asked tim, bart, and kon about names. Bruce's gender identity came out when he choose the name Bruce. Bruce and Robbie Troy end up dating (for a second time, first time being back when b was a little evil) and doing humanitarian work around the globe while also being heroes. Clark ends up going to Metropolis University to study elementary education!

And then there are tim and bart's pair of twins Meloni and Dana Allen-Wayne. I've only written them as babies so far so I havent given them much thought

Oh that reminds me Thad Allen (used to be Thawne but I feel like thad would change it) has an adopted son who he named Max

Now these two aren't kiddos but: Ezra and Amber Kane, Bette Kanes parents. Ezra is the youngest kid of whatever the fuck martha and Jacob's parents names were. He was a bit of a surprise considering his parents were pretty old when he was born so hes like 20 years younger than his closest sibling in age jacob. Hes also only like 8 years older than bruce and doted on his nephew as much as he could and hes the inspiration of the whole brucue wayne playboy act despite him not being a playboy at all but anyway. Hes also a pro tennis player. Amber Kane is his wife and best friend. She once dated Janet Drake. She had a shitty life and despite being an actress her childhood is still mainly secret. A few vague details are known but not specific not that it matters anyway. Her parents died when she was young and was taken in by some not so good people who got away with it bc they had money. Ezra and Amber spend any minute they can with Bette bc they love her and she is the light of their lives (well besides each other).

Then there's Faith, Bane, and Soledad Kerzner. Scandal, Kay, and Liana's kids. Faith and Bane are biologically Lianas with Thomas Blake as the sperm donor. Soledad was adopted when she was two . Faith... is a bit rebellious and gets caught up in some shit she really shouldn't have. Bane and Soledad are two characters I havent really explored yet but anyway they all love their three moms.

Viola and Robin Thomas are Duke Thomas and Jackson hyde's adopted kids. Viola is Martian which is really difficult considering her abilities. Shes a sweet kid though and really likes to help her dads! Robin is an Atleantean baby Jackson saved and brought home and it was kinda like that icarly meme (duke: jackson what do you have there? Jackson, holding robin and a smoothie: a smoothie) but like more dramatic bc Jackson was injured and had only come home because it was close and he really needed to actually go to a hospital anyway yay. Viola will become the signal and robin will become aqualad on day

Oh and there's Lilith "Lili" Bloomberg. Shes rose Wilson and eddie Bloomberg's daughter. She likes to watch blue devil. Shes really sensitive. Rose and eddie never got married to each other but Rose and Mia dearden married when Lilith was sorta young and eddie was married to jason todd for a little while before they got divorced and later he enters a relationship with zach zatara but I havent decided if that will last or not. Lilith is really close with tommy Blake bc hes kind of like an older brother to her

And then there's mystery girl wilson... I have yet to name her but shes a character I'm working on but her dad is slade

And that's it for now. There's more but I dont feel like going into then right now. But there more like Jason Todd's group of adopted kiddos and some others but I feel like this answer is getting way too long

#red rose answers #tee tag #earth-116 #ocs #mg ass aint tagging all of them

[lokisgame]

A Generous Donation [10]

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9]

The day rushed by, as Scully drowned the uneasiness in workload, grateful that she was still able to focus on her patients' problems instead of her own. Mulder texted her around 5pm, saying he was done with the tests and that his invitation still stands, and she realised, that somewhere between exams and paperwork, the thought of facing him again, didn't paralyse her anymore. She still didn't know how to tell him about Will, or had any idea how he might take the news, but the truth settled in.  

Charlie was right, he really was a great guy after all. If she ever wanted a father for Will, Mulder would pretty much fit the bill, smart, funny, kind and as far as she could tell, steadfast. He would be the kind of dad who never forgot to pick him up from school, was there for the baseball games and swimming tournaments. She could see herself sharing couch with them on Saturday evenings, eating popcorn and watching macho-movies. Though it was dangerous to hope, if fate allowed she might still have that.

She went to see Will at the end of her day, pausing by the door to watch him for a second through the window. He was reading, curled up on his side, earbuds in, completely enthralled, and now when she knew, she couldn't help but notice the similarities. The chestnut mane, the tall and lean frame, high cheekbones, and finally, definitely, undeniably, Mulders' mouth. That pout that usually got him his way, the smile that brightened her day, is was Mulder all over again. Will must've felt her gaze because he glanced up from his book and smiled, sitting up. He looked pale and tired, but his eyes were bright. "Why are you staring at me?" He asked, when she came in and dropped a kiss on top of his head. "I just got here, you must've sensed me coming." "Spooky," he grinned and scooted over, letting her sit beside him. "What are you reading?" "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy," he said, closing the book to show her the cover, "uncle Charlie brought it." "And the t-shirt?" "Aunt Missy," he grinned pulling at the hem of his new PJ's, on it, planes were chasing UFO's around the world, the words Foo Fighters written across the front, "she remembered the UFO's, but Emily said, she didn't have the heart to tell her it's a band." "Be glad it's not a tie-dye," Scully laughed. "Yeah, aunt Melissa, the last hippy on earth." "Will," she nudged him lightly making him laugh, and it was the warm honey sound she loved most. "Mom?" "Yes honey?" "Doctor Skinner was here to see me, too." "You had a busy day," she said, keeping her voice light. "Does that mean, he found someone?" "I don't know," she said, kissing his temple, "these things take time." "Because I wouldn't mind getting out of here." "And I wouldn't mind taking you home, either." A knock made them both look up and a second later, a young girl came in, her red hair cut short almost like a boy's, piercings catching the light from the fluorescents overhead. "Emily!" "Hi, aunt Dana," she said, kissing Scully's cheek before ruffling Will's hair, "told you I'd come back." "You got it?" Will perked up. "Yup," she plopped across the foot off his bed, dropping a small box between them. "Cards?" Scully laughed, letting go off Will, who reached for the deck and immediately started shuffling. "There's only so much TV I can stand." "Why didn't you tell me." "Haven't thought of it until I saw this one here," he chuckled, jerking his chin at Emily. "Right, because I'm known for bringing up base instincts in men." Scully felt slightly uncomfortable, Em was 24, but in her eyes, she was still that teenage girl who watched cartoons sitting on the floor with her son. "How's Palo Alto, Em?" "Dry, I miss Boston," she sighed picking up her cards, "and this little one." "If you didn't give up that scholarship at MIT and sell out to the blue chips," Will said. "I wouldn't have that house with a pool I just sold, to move back here." Will's ears went up so fast he almost jumped. "You're coming back?" "Yup," she grinned and he threw himself at her, both of them laughing. Emily held him tight and Scully heard her tone change, "so now you have to get better, you hear me?" "Yup," William said, letting go off his childhood best friend. "What does your mom think about this?" Scully asked, proud of her brilliant punk niece. "She's not thrilled," Emily sighed a little sad, but then smiled at them both, "but that's what I want to do, so it's happening." "Well, if you need a place to stay in the mean time." "Thanks," she smiled brighter, fixing the sheets Will kicked over, "I'll come to you when Charlie grows tired of me." "Or his next girlfriend shows up." Will said, then picked up his cards. Scully played three hands with them then kissed the kids goodnight.

A nurse came by with Will's meds and took a few notes on his chart, while Emily paced the room, noticing the pile of books on his nightstand. "Visiting hours end in one hour," she reminded and left, and Em was back, sprawled at the foot of Will's bed. "What's this?" She said, showing him one of the books, the one with the UFO on the cover. "Extra reading for my psychology class." "It's signed." "Yeah, the guy's my professor and he kind of dates mom." "Why kind of?" She asked, looking at the photo on the back. "You know, not like Charlie dates girls, takes them out a few times and you know they'll disappear, mom and Mulder, I think they're past that." "You don't like it?" "It felt weird at first, but then I saw her coming home from seeing him and wow, I don't think I ever saw her that happy." "Really." "She doesn't hum show tunes to anything, she just sort of, glows." "Hmm, she didn't seem glowing to me." "That's because you didn't see her a week ago, heck, last Thursday even, I'm telling you, that guy is different." "He is cute, and," she held up the book, looking first at the picture then at Will, then at the picture again, "he sort of looks like you." "What?" "I mean, if you skip the eyes and the nose," she covered half of the picture with her hand and glanced at Will again, "yeah, definitely." "I don't think that's why she likes him." "No, I think it's the glowing part," Emily said, wiggling her eyebrows and Will gaged. "Ugh, let's not talk about my mom and that." "Why?" She laughed, stretching out like a cat, and if he didn't know his cousin since before she had tits, he'd find the sight very attractive. "Let me give you a piece of advice, you want to keep a girl, be that guy, one who makes her glow." "That's it? Sex? What about connection, shared views and mutual trust?" "That's when you're looking for a friend, and believe me, it's even rarer than great sex." "Well, I'll have it both." Will sighed, shuffling the cards, looking a little embarrassed and she covered his hands with hers. "You will," she said without teasing, "you just have to get out of here."

Mulder decided on the epitome of comfort food, chicken casserole, but the longer they sat at the table, in the warm light of his kitchen, the stronger was the sense, that something bad was about to happen. Scully kept smiling letting him fill silence with chatter, but her eyes were unusually present, fixed on his face as if she was looking at him for the last time, determined to learn his face, before she told him goodbye. Fear, uneasiness, long silences, he could understand, but at the same time, he itched to touch her, just to make sure she wouldn't push him away. They moved to the couch after dinner and when she folded herself against his side, the relief was instantaneous. "The dean wasn't too pleased when I asked for the week off," Mulder said, drawing her closer. "But Skinner said I should avoid public places, so I wouldn't pick up any infection, in case the tests came back positive." "Walter knows what he's doing, you're both in good hands." "You haven't told Will yet?" "No, I don't want to scare him," she said, taking his hand and lacing her fingers through his, "he keeps joking and teasing, but I know it's an act." "That's him, being your son," he said, kissing her temple, "you're both so careful not to show weakness." "You say it like it's a bad thing," she sighed. "There's time and place for everything, and Will knows what he's up against, there's just nothing he can do about it, and goofing off is his defence mechanism. I think he's scared just like everyone else." "Why are you doing this?" She asked quietly, stroking the back of his hand. "Why help us?" "Because I can," he said simply. "Because you got dealt this shitty hand and I wouldn't be able to live with myself, if I just stood idly watching a great kid fade away, while his mother fought the fight alone, for both of them. Even thinking about it makes me wanna kick my own ass." "So you feed me and fuck me and let me stick a needle in your butt," she said, turning in his arms, and cupping his cheek, drawing his lips down, "because you can." "There's no endgame for me here," he smiled, feeling her warm breath, "you might as well ask me why I breathe." "Why do you breathe?" "So I we can keep having these talks, apparently," he said and let her kiss him, because that was what she needed from him.

They moved slowly, bodies wrapped around each other, arms and legs and mouths drawing lines. In the dim light he held her gaze, luminous blue beneath delicate skin and lashes, with every stroke bringing her higher and away from her problems. A moment of release was all he could offer, but he made damn sure, the moment was worth it. Her eyes locked on his, lips parted, heart pounding, his, hers, he didn't know anymore, didn't care. She bit her lip, he caught it, freed it, soothed it. "Don't hold, back, let me, do this." "Thank you." "What for?" "Everything," she breathed, raking his back, drawing him in. "Shhhh," he kissed her neck, lips against her ear, "don't thank me, feel me." And for a time, that was all she did.

Scully woke up sometime past midnight to moonlight filtering through a crack in the blinds. The light cast a blue glow over his face, drawing the story of his life in a secret language of lines and cracks. How would they look like, if she was there to watch them grow, would there be less of them, or more? How many cracks formed, because there was no one to hold him, which lines were ruts, carved by the same old jokes. She touched his cheek and he shifted, arm falling around her without thinking. "I hope you'll forgive me," she whispered, brushing his lips lightly and the arm tightened around her, drawing her in.

#generous donation #au #x files fanfic #sweet nothings

[convivialcamera]

On Deadline: Jump

Previously

My entire universe had shrunk to the tip of a pin.

Every atom in my body was attuned only to the spot where Jamie’s blunt finger was delicately but insistently caressing my clitoris as I lay spread before him, feet dangling off the side of the bed and into oblivion. My blood rushed and my skin heated. My entire body tensed in a desperate attempt to keep still enough that the sudden jerking of my hips wouldn’t dislodge his finger. I held my breath deep in my lungs, straining, wanting, needing, burning.

Elbow tucked into my side, I reached up and grabbed at my shoulder, digging my fingernails into my collarbone in a last-ditch attempt to hold on.

And then, the chaos I was reigning in broke free. I exhaled on a small moan, and as I sucked in air the first wave of release hit me. After that I was lost.

When I came-to moments later, Jamie was gently running a finger down the inside of my splayed thigh and grinning like a cat that got the canary.

“You’re way too easy,” he said, a smirk barely concealed in the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up.” But I couldn’t help but grin myself, buoyed by the pleasure and contentment of orgasm. Jamie curled up beside me, resting his red mop just above my navel. I ran my fingers through his curls and caressed the curve of his ear. We stayed there, silent, for a long time.

As I gently floated in a state of semi-consciousness, Jamie’s breath tickled my stomach. Through the fog, it occured to me that he was talking. 

“...that we could hit this wine bar later,” he said, “and maybe make a night of it.”

“What? Like a date?” I raised my head to look at him, propping myself up on my elbow.

He twisted his neck to look back at me. “Yes, like a date.” 

I flopped back, a silly, wide smile overtaking my face. “Alright, then.”

I had the day off, having worked the Sunday before, but Jamie soon slinked away from my bed and back to the newsroom. I languished between the sheets, carefully cataloging every single moment that had passed between us. There was an easy intimacy between us that went beyond all the sex or even our shared profession, and I admitted to myself that I reveled in it.

I spent the day napping, mostly, although I did run out to buy a vacuum, since I had left the marital vacuum with my almost-ex-husband. I was loathe to think of Frank, I smugly told myself, as there really should only be two people in a new relationship. I tried to put him out of my mind, but he lingered. Why had I fallen in love with him? I wondered as I stood in front of the vacuum display, comparing models. What had made Frank stray? I pondered as I paid the clerk and lugged my purchase out to my car. Was it my work, or was it something irreparably wrong with me? I questioned as I drove back to my apartment. I didn’t have any answers, but something told me that with Jamie, everything was different. 

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Beauchamp, or maybe you just like fucking him, I thought.

By the time Jamie arrived at my door that evening, beautifully windswept from his ride over with just a hint of helmet hair, I had showered, shaved, plucked and primped within an inch of my life. To my distinct pleasure, my date looked like he had been temporairly struck dumb.

“Dude, it’s just a nice top.” I handed him a bourbon, neat, as he openly stared at my chest. It was a vibrant red and rather more low-cut than what I wore on assignment. 

He sucked down the drink like it was water. “Is that what you call it?”

“Yep.” I sipped my own drink like I had all the time in the world. I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to say anything else about it. He immediately recognized the challenge, and demurred with a shrug. 

“You ready?”

“Yeah.” I glugged down the last of the bourbon and grabbed my black moto jacket. “Let’s go.”

The bar was in an old candy shop in a small historic district downtown Leoch. The walls were brick with the paint flaking off, and it was filled with little nooks and industrial furniture and illuminated only with candles. A sprightly little hipster seated us at a tiny table beneath an arch in a secluded corner with a single votive candle and two of the tiniest glasses of water I’d ever seen. Menus were attached to clipboards, and I studiously examined mine, avoiding Jamie’s gaze. 

I picked a pinot noir at random when the server came around, while Jamie ordered a sweet rosé and the biggest cheese plate on the menu. 

“It’s refreshing,” he said at my smirk.

“I’m sure.” I swirled my own wine and took a sip. The alcohol rushed through my bloodstream and heated my stomach.

Jamie rolled his eyes at me, and put his hand on mine. “It’s easier if we touch, isn’t it?”

It was a startling observation. I squeezed his hand, and felt the nervous energy between us dissipate into the ether. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” I asked.

“What do you want to know?”

I cast about for a subject while I cut a hunk of Brie and smooshed it into a slice of baguette. “What’s your family like? Other than your uncles,” I qualified quickly. “Like, your mom and dad.”

“My parents are dead, Claire.” He said this softly; it pained him to tell me. 

“Oh.” I exhaled. “Mine too. Car crash when I was five.” It was an old wound but a deep one that still ached when pressed. The warmth of his hand sustained me. He paused, as if deciding. When he opened his mouth to speak, I blurted: “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s OK. My mom died when I was eight. And Dad, he had a massive stroke my first year of college.”

“Sucks,” I said without thinking. Jamie gave me a look that clearly said “duh,” and I giggled. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“I think you’re the only one that could have said that to me and not get punched in the face,” he said contemplatively, drinking his wine. “Because you know what it’s like.”

I gave him my own look. “It’s a shitty club.”

Jamie loaded a baguette slice with blue cheese and a dried apricot and stuffed it in his mouth. “You told me a while back that you’re not from anywhere. What the hell does that mean?”

I smiled. I had told him that the day we met, the first time he called me Sassenach. “My uncle raised me. He was a photographer too — on staff at Nat Geo.”

“Holy shit.” 

“Yeah, and in, like, the ‘80s, when the job was basically globetrotting with a camera. I refused to go to boarding school so I went with him, just about everywhere.”

“You come by all this naturally?” Jamie waved at me, indicating tip to toenails.

“Sure. All my belongings fit in a duffel bag and I didn’t go to a real school until college. So, yeah, I’m not really from anywhere.”

“That’s a hell of a childhood. I just grew up on a farm.”

“Like, cows and corn fields?”

“And horses,” he said.

“Race horses?”

He blushed. “Some. My sister Jenny and her husband breed and train them. She breeds merino sheep too.”

I could tell he was downplaying the race horses. “Are you and Jenny close?”

“As close as we can be, since I live here now,” Jamie said, but he evaded my gaze, which made me think there was more to that story. I itched to press him further, but didn’t want to bring the specter of tragedy back into our conversation so I turned to lighter things. 

I told him about my uncle, Quenten Lambert Beauchamp, the archaeologist-turned-photographer who raised me, and my wandering childhood that spanned six of the seven continents (we went to Antarctica, but hadn’t made it to Australia). As I talked, Jamie listened intently, asking questions now and then, especially about Uncle Lamb’s assignments. As the cheese plate slowly disappeared between us and another round of drinks arrived, Jamie spoke of his sister and her husband, who was also Jamie’s oldest friend, and the trouble they got into as kids on the farm. He was a born storyteller, charming and funny.

I was telling Jamie about the time Uncle Lamb locked me in a temple to the Roman Goddess Vesta when I was 16, when Jamie’s eyes suddenly went wide and his ears turned so crimson I could see it even in the dim candlelight of the bar.

“Don’t turn around, but I’m pretty sure Geillis just walked in,” Jamie said in a low voice, as if he was afraid speaking her name aloud would summon her to us.

Unable to help myself, I peeked over my shoulder, and sure enough I could see Geillis’s bright blonde curtain of hair as she chatted with the hostess and was led to a table for two on the other side of the bar. I turned back and rolled my eyes at Jamie to tease him a bit. “Yep, that’s her. What of it?”

“Don’t you think it might not be the best idea for the entire newsroom to know we’re, you know…” He made an indistinct noise in his throat that made his meaning perfectly clear.

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, deciding if I should say the thought that immediately popped into my mind. “I’m sorry,” I said, the devil on my shoulder winning out. “I watched you slobber all over an intern in front of the whole staff and you’re worried about being spotted having a glass of wine with a colleague?” I smiled innocently at him.

Jamie opened and closed his wide mouth a few times, flabbergasted. “Geillis is an opportunistic gossip.”

“I don’t have anything to hide.”

“And anyone who saw you in that shirt would know this is more than a glass of wine.” He suddenly looked smug. 

I began to roll my eyes at him, but I was distracted by a tall man with dark hair and strong bones walking into the bar through the back door. I leaned back, and pulled Jamie into the shadows. Dougal MacKenzie made a beeline for Geillis’s table, and Geillis smiled broadly when she spotted him. 

“What are we looking at?” Jamie whispered in my ear, sounding bewildered.

“Any reason why your uncle is macking on Gellis at the most romantic spot in town?” I whispered back, as we watched our boss greet our colleague with a very familiar kiss and sit down.

“Can’t think of any, other than the obvious,” Jamie said. “Maybe we should get out of here.” He flagged down the server with one hand, and ran a suggestive finger up my thigh under the table with the other.

“Maybe head back to my place?” 

“I’d like nothing better.”

#On Deadline fic #outlander #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

keep calm and let HR handle it [II/VI]

Rey managed to go a full year without ever directly interacting with her new CEO, but now it seems like he’s dropping by her office every single week.

(Because what else is a love-struck fool to do when he falls for his head of HR other than find reasons to visit her department?)

OR: five times Ben gets summoned down to HR, and one time Rey gets called into the CEO’s office, based on this prompt from @optimisticsprinkles​: “Rey as the director of HR at [office] and Kylo/Ben starts finding reasons to be sent down to HR”.

Welcome back to this 5+1 modern AU in which Rey and Ben go from colleagues to friends to lovers (how predictable of me, I know). Today’s update: there's a ruckus on the 37th floor, but for once it isn't Ben's fault. He heads down to HR anyway because... well, three guesses why.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe check out my Twitter and Ko-fi?

To: [email protected] From: dopheld [email protected] Subject: CODE RED!!!

Rey,

We’ve got a code red on our hands. Grumpy Poe went into Mr. Solo’s office ten minutes ago and they started fighting pretty much immediately, something about Leia. Finn and I managed to separate them before things got physical, and Finn’s dealing with Poe right now. But when I tried to calm Mr. Solo down, he said he was going to go take a walk to clear his mind and that if anyone needs him, he’ll be down in HR.

So heads-up, I guess. Good luck!

Sent from my iPhone.

 To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: CODE RED!!!

Hey Mitaka,

Thanks for the warning. I’ll handle things from here. And tell Finn and Poe to get their shit together before HR gets involved, please.

Warm regards, Rey Niima, Head of Human Resources, The Organa Foundation.

 There’s a knock on her open door less than a minute after Rey hits send on her reply to Mitaka, and she looks up from her screen to find an unexpectedly nervous-looking Ben Solo hovering in her doorway.

“Hi,” he says, more to the ground than her, and takes a deep breath before finally dragging his eyes up to hers. “Do you, uh, have a minute?”

It’s odd, how she doesn’t even have to fake or call upon the smile that immediately tugs at her lips. What’s odder still is the fluttery feeling in her stomach that accompanies the realization that she’s the one he came to, but Rey sets that aside for later.

“Sure, come in.” She waves Ben in and watches him carefully shut the door behind himself before crossing the short distance between them to collapse into the chair opposite hers.

Ben closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh before he sits up straight and turns to her. “Judging by your reaction, I’m guessing you already know about the clusterfu– the situation upstairs.”

Rey rolls her chair a little closer to her desk and leans in. “Given the state Poe’s been in these past few days, it was really only a matter of time before he finally got that fight he’s been itching for. I’m just surprised he went after you instead of literally anyone other than his boss.”

“Perks of being childhood friends with the CEO and the former CEO’s golden boy, I guess,” Ben shrugs, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. He notices it too, Rey thinks, because the next thing she knows he’s forcing a tight smile and cracking a joke he obviously does not find entertaining in the slightest. “Imagine being so confident in your job security that you get to target your boss’ biggest weakness just for sport. Must be nice.”

He drops the act when his forced smile starts looking painful, and Rey scrambles to match what little he’s just revealed about this morning’s fight with the bits and pieces she’s heard about his past with Poe and his relationship with Leia.

It’s an alarmingly incomplete picture, one that leaves her feeling almost helpless. But Ben is here, chose to be here with her out of all the places and people he could have gone to, so she must’ve done something right the first time around… right?

She thinks of the little smile he’d given her last Friday when she’d tried to be supportive of him, thinks of how sincere and surprised his eyes had looked, and wonders if maybe…

“It’s shitty of him, is what it is,” Rey asserts, and then holds her breath as she waits for Ben to react.

Maybe, just maybe… all he needs is someone to listen to him, to let him know he’s not alone. It’s a feeling she knows well, and one she’s spent years figuring out how to deal with – successfully, if the little twitch of Ben’s lips is anything to go by.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he says, slowly sinking into his chair as the fight seeps out of his tense shoulders, as he senses an ally. “Good luck telling him that, though. Poe Dameron can do no wrong in the eyes of everyone, especially his own. It’s always been that way.”

Rey can’t help the little burst of laughter that escapes her at the thought, not with the memory of Poe being sent to the doghouse by his absolutely livid boyfriend still so fresh in her mind. “Maybe in your experience, but I’d bet good money that Poe is definitely getting an earful about his many, many failures at this very moment. Some of us have seen too much to be fooled by that act of his,” she tells Ben with a smirk, only to remember–

“You probably know what I’m talking about. Childhood friends, huh?”

“Friends, neighbors, two kids who just happened to be around the same age and were forced to spend time together because of it – same difference, right?” Ben shrugs without looking at her, unnaturally preoccupied with fixing a rolled-up sleeve.

Poe tells the story pretty differently, painting a picture of two boys finding brotherhood in their friendship and supporting each other through their toughest childhood years until one of them inexplicably abandoned the other. But then again, Rey supposes there are always two sides to every story.

She lets Ben stew in his residual frustration for a little longer before she asks, as gently as she can, “Do you want to talk about it?”

That catches his attention, but maybe not in the best way. Silence stretches out between them as Ben just keeps looking at her, and eventually Rey feels the need to add, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s totally–”

“That’s the thing, though,” Ben interrupts, his voice softer than she’s ever heard it, almost hushed with… confusion? Wonder? A secret he means to keep just between the two of them? Whatever it is, she has to strain her ears to catch what he says next. “I do want to – talk about it, that is… with you. Which makes no fucking sense, we’ve literally only met once and we’re practically strangers, so what is it about you that–”

He cuts himself off, and for a moment Rey is overcome by the sudden and visceral fear that history is about to repeat itself, that Ben is going to shut down and get up and leave her life just as suddenly as he’d crashed into it all over again.

It makes absolutely no sense, but that seems par for the course considering their… acquaintanceship started with her intending to dress down her CEO. So Rey doesn’t let herself think too much before she quietly says, “I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

Ben forces out a sharp puff of breath, something she’d almost be tempted to brand a laugh if not for the clear frustration on his face. “All part of the job, right?”

His words, his tone – they jog something in her memory, and Rey recalls that he’d said pretty much the same thing on Friday too, right before he walked out. It’s not much, but at least it’s another piece to add to the puzzle she’s been trying to solve ever since that evening.

For now, though, she’s got a far more pressing issue to address.

“I suppose, but I’ve also been told it’s what makes me a pretty decent friend… if you’re looking for one of those.”

Because very little about her experience with Ben Solo so far makes any sense, but that instant spark of recognition she’d felt upon seeing his lost eyes? The way she instinctively understands what he’s silently asking for, what he desperately needs? How every single part of him seems to light up whenever she chooses to stand by his side?

That… that makes all the sense in the world to Rey.

So she offers him a small smile as he weighs her words and her offer, one that grows brighter when Ben’s lips curve to match hers.

“I could use a friend, I think,” he says, “especially since the only one I have is being kind of a dick right now.”

Rey makes a show of closing her laptop and pushing it aside. “Tell me everything.”

So Ben does, starting with the familiar story of a lonely, scared child that makes her heart ache in recognition and solidarity. She’d learned long ago that family isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be, but that doesn’t make the ugly truth behind the Organa-Solos’ picture-perfect family any less surprising or easier to swallow: two parents who loved and cared for their son but also loved and cared for many other things, two people who didn’t know what to do with the child who reminded them more of the ghosts of their pasts than themselves, two individuals who tried their best to give him everything only to end up giving him everything but the things a child needs most.

And then: the golden boy who was everything his parents wanted and everything he was not.

And then: the uncle who could see the good in even the worst of people but not him.

And then: the man who promised him the belonging and acceptance he’d longed for his whole life.

By the time Ben’s done speaking, he still hasn’t actually gone into detail about his fight with Poe. But Rey thinks she’s heard enough about their past to figure it out, seen enough of Ben’s barely-healed wounds to know how easy they would be to reopen. So she doesn’t pry or poke or prod – not today, not when Ben has already offered her so much. Instead, she wordlessly reaches across her desk and offers him her hand, giving Ben a smile and a squeeze while he slowly eases himself back into the present.

“Thank you,” he finally says, voice tellingly thick, “for listening. I’ve never… no one’s ever… I just, I needed to tell my side of the story, just once, you know?”

It’s funny – and a little sad too, Rey realizes – how she’d gone all these years working at the foundation thinking she knew Ben Solo’s story when really, she’d heard it from everyone but him. And she knows she’s not the only one – far from it, and Ben knows, Ben must know, Ben knew when he decided to come back and shoulder his mother’s legacy and work alongside people who’d formed an opinion of him long before they even knew him.

Rey gives him a smile in lieu of all the things she wants to tell him – how brave he is, how far he’s come, how she’ll be there every remaining step of the way if he wants her to…

“Thank you for sharing it with me,” she says instead, lacing their fingers together even tighter in the hopes of conveying all the things she can’t quite put into words without saying too much. “And anytime, Ben. I mean it.”

He stares at her for the longest moment, and then finally gives her a nod. “I’ll probably take you up on that quite a bit,” he says with a smile as he slowly pulls his hand away and stands up to leave. “You know, now that we’re friends and all.”

And he sounds so happy at the thought, it nearly breaks her heart.

Rey stands as well, though she manages to keep herself on her side of the desk and squash down the impulse to walk him the ten feet to her door, at least. “Friends and all,” she echoes in agreement, knowing even as she says so that it doesn’t make any sense or mean anything.

But Ben, Ben just smiles at her as if it makes all the sense in the world, and so maybe… maybe it does, just for the two of them.

Rey is no less puzzled by their interaction when Ben Solo leaves her office for the second time, but at least this time there’s a smile on her face as she gets back to work.

. . .

Hi, I still have no idea what I'm doing but hopefully this lived up to expectations and its predecessor, especially since y’all were so kind and supportive and encouraging the last time around. YOU GUYS!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Anyway, if you weren't pleased by all that convenient 'glossing over the backstory' I did to keep this chapter a manageable and uniform length: worry not. We'll get more of Ben's Sad Tragic Backstory soon, I promise. Until then, as always: thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, and please don't hesitate to like/reblog/comment!

#reylo #rey x ben solo #rey/ben solo #rey/kylo ren #kylo ren/rey #star wars #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #my fics #fic: HR

[malxlawson]

task 02 | lawson family tree

mother | ellen pompeo - cherisse lawson (née mayer). father | mike beach - marshal ‘bear’ lawson. younger brother | justice smith - jussie lawson. 

how did your family come to be?

well, if you ask pops he swept ma off her feet with his - and i quote - sweet moves. ma’ll tell you she danced with him out of pity because he was so bad at it. either way, they met at a block party and that was kind of it? dad was seventeen (17) and ma was sixteen (16), so they started out pretty young but they’ve both said they always knew they’d end up together. it wasn’t, like, a love as first sight thing or anything, but more like an instantaneous connection. for a long time, they stayed friends - mostly ‘cause ma’s a stubborn little shit (obviously that’s where i get it). eventually she stopped fighting the fact that pops is a charming ass man (also where i get it) and the rest just fell together, really. they woulda had kids a lot earlier, but dad got into some trouble and ended up doing some time a few months after they got married. he ended up in a work release program, which is how he got into the restaurant thing. when he was fully released he did everything he could to get himself back on track and in the place he felt he needed to be to start a family. three years later, here i came bustin’ into the world. another three years and my brother was born. it’s been a blast ever since.

is everyone treated equally in the family?

100%, absolutely. i mean, if you ever ask in front of my parents i’ll swear up and down jussie is the favorite. he’s the baby and the smart one, so he gets spoiled. truth be told, though, they were always so insanely fair with us. i put my parents through hell and they never stopped being supportive and loving. they put me in my place, sure, but it came from a place of love and they made sure i knew it even if i didn’t want to hear it. lord knows i got jussie into plenty of trouble, too, so he can probably attest to that as well. discipline in the lawson home was always fair and we’re both spoiled little shits, so yeah - we’re all about that equity baby.

was the dynamic always as it is now?

no, not always. there were a few years where things were tense thanks to yours truly. i mean, we always loved each other, you know? i just didn’t know how to deal with some things that happened to me and ended up dealing with it in ways that weren’t the healthiest, which meant i pushed my family away. once i got back to a place where i could deal with my shit, we came back closer and stronger than ever. i’m beyond lucky to have had them through it all, especially considering how shitty i was back then. 

your place in the family is unique, what is your relation to everyone?

if we’re talking immediate family, i’m the oldest and juss is my only sibling. all of our grandparents are still kickin’. mammy (paternal grandmother) is honestly more in shape than i am. ma and pops have six siblings all together - pops has four and ma has two. all of my aunts and uncles have at least two kids, so we’ve never been short on cousins. we’re all pretty close, too - holidays are always a giant, loud, chaotic thing with all of us in one house. otherwise, the neighborhood i grew up in was basically a big extension of that immediate family. i knew all my neighbors and their neighbors and their neighbors and then all their kids and grandkids and great grandkids. the only thing bigger and louder than a lawson family gathering was a lawson block party. ma and pops were always super into making sure everyone in the community was fed and taken care of and supported - it was the coolest part of childhood, honestly - and as soon as i was old enough, i threw myself into it too. 

what is your relationship like with your parents now?

oh, we’re stupid close. we facetime every day or talk on the phone, at least. we’ve gotten pretty good at the whole long distance family thing and keeping in touch. every once in a while juss and i get together to make a little care package to send ma and pops - just of little things that make us think of them and pictures of what we’ve been up to. they do the same, too. 

what has all of this taught you?

you need family. be it chosen, biological - whatever. as much as you may feel like you can do something on your own or they’re better off without you complicating and screwing things up, you’re wrong. it’s okay to need people and to accept help from family. if there was ever anyone who could see you vulnerable and still love you, it’s your family.

#amalia | task #task2 #malnatitasks #do i love this? no #but baby has a fambly no so #merry chrysler

[allthebooksandcrannies]

i just need to vent here

NI’m going to put a read more link in here so its not just this extremely long post but i need to vent where no one i know is going to see it and get all offended but i also need to look like i’m doing gre prep. this is mostly me just yelling into the void but i’d also appreciate any advice or feedback anyone wants to give.

i don’t want to accidentally hurt someone so trigger warnings for discussion of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, emotional crisis, mention of rape, mention of homophobia, dead dove do not eat

so, my mom and i had another fight last night that kinda picked up again this morning and i feel really shitty but i’m not gonna stop obsessing over it and everything else it stirred up until i get it out so i’m just gonna stream of consciousness over here.

lately it seems all my mom ever do is fight and i made her cry again so i guess that makes me the asshole because the guilt is real right not but guilt and self-hatred is also my general default i think so maybe i’m being to hard on myself? like, its not like i also didn’t want to cry and i feel like she took my words and twisted them around into something i didn’t mean but i also don’t know what i meant. and we’re both so similar so maybe we were just both being defensive and oversensitive even though we both give Dad shit for that and great now i feel bad about that because i always take her side in fights because i feel like i need to protect her and my brother always takes his side but that’s a whole other can of worms. but also, so what if we are? like aren’t all emotions supposed to be valid? or does it matter even if they are?

we fight about everything these days and every joke i make offends her and i’m just teasing but she keeps taking it to the extreme, taking it as criticism on issues i’m not even talking about. and this time i was defensive and she was defensive because i was defensive and i tried to explain it and it just made it worse.

like, this time we were talking and i don’t remember how we got on the subject but i think it was because we were talking about this new diet my dad is going on because my paternal grandmother  won’t stop blaming my mom for my dad being so overweight and i know i should have been stepping lightly because dad had just been teasing her for saying she wished the nutritionist would have found some easy to fix problem other than his diet/activity levels so his mom would get off her ass about it. and like, i get why my grandmother is concerned, he is very overweight and needs an ankle replacement he can’t get until he loses like 150 lbs and she already has an unhealthy paranoia about her own weight after an entire childhood of her own mother fatshaming her and her sisters but also it’s ridiculous to just blame my mother and her cooking considering that when he put on all the weight originally it was when he was working for his uncle and only ate one meal she cooked a day and was going to fast food places twice a day, like the dude has some responsibility here, but also he carries it just like his dad, male cousins, and three paternal uncles so there’s obviously some genetics working against him, but most importantly right around the time this first started he fell through a roof at a construction site and completely shattered all the bones in his right ankle and was completely bedridden for over a year while on serious painkillers that probably didn’t help. but anyway she was already upset and in a weird headspace because she had an eating disorder in high school, so i should have been more careful and empathetic but she started talking about one of my roommates and how health conscious she is and how thin she is and how she probably has eating disorder and i kinda snapped because i know she means well but damn if it didn’t bring up so many other issues that i was just slammed right back into 

because she always has something to say about my friends. for as long as i can remember she has criticized my friends in ways that makes me question my relationship with them and i know she just is trying to protect me and be involved in my life but her good intentions are still a major cause of so many of my issues and i was end up lonelier and more self-isolating as a result. and my roommates are my best friends and the one she criticizes the most (like what feels like every time we talk about her, to the point where she’s convinced my mom hates her) has been so important in showing me how sheltered and naive i was and has brought me out of my shell and helped with my self-worth so much and is literally the first person in my life who told me i don’t have to always be looking out for other before myself. i don’t owe the world and its okay to live for me sometimes.

and this one, she’s so quiet and she doesn’t like to interact with people she doesn’t deem worth her time and maybe she can be a little cold and judgy but she’s always good to me and she’s been protective and as someone who has always been on the outside of every group the fact that she deems me worth her time and her advice really means a lot and i can acknowledge her flaws but just earlier this weak my mom was talking about how cold she thinks megan is so i was already primed to be defensive. so my mom starts talking about how megan probably has a body image issue since she’s so conscious of her weight and i’m like??? she never talks about weight. the only time she talks about food is when we’re comparing recipes and yeah she eats healthy and puts effort into that but she’s a lifelong vegetarian and she’s usually trying to balance that out with her needs as a cross country runner but because she’s not competing anymore apparently that means that the fact that she still runs every morning and eats like a cross country runner when she doesn’t have to (never mind that she still runs marathons, and she likes running) means she has body image issues and the when we go out for ice cream she’s overindulging because of it. and look at how skinny she is, even though she’s 4′ 10″ and all muscle, like i’d be worried if she wasn’t?

and maybe i’m in denial but i think i would know. i’ve lived with her three years and my mom has met her like six times and never longer than an hour at a time. and she says she was just trying to help me be a good friend and her words fit but her tone came off as criticising and maybe i jumped to conclusions but it felt like one more thing that was wrong with me and my friendship. and maybe i’m just being defensive because on some level i’m worried that what if she’s right, that means i’ve been oblivious and a bad friend and  is she calling me a bad friend, like is that coming from me or just my own insecurities? because i am insecure about whether i’m capable of being a good friend because i always end up left behind and mom keeps saying that i intimidate them or make them feel judged or guilty because i always stick to the rules and do i come off judgy? i don’t try to i try so hard to be openminded but then i’m just accused of becoming a screaming liberal what do you want from me, i just don’t know how to be anything but a pleaser. 

anyway i made the mistake this morning of responding when she was telling me that she doesn’t understand why i’m so defensive and i told her the truth that she has always criticized my friends be it that “piper was obviously raised without enough supervision and that’s why she drinks and likes to push boundaries and wants to be older than she is which is why i’m worried about her influence on you” never mind that we’re 21 and she hasn’t done anything i don’t know for a fact my mom did at her age. and then courtney and jai-lyn and jessica and all the girls i hung out with in the library who were my only close friendships in middle school, they were just weird and had weird interests, even though all our interests were the same and i was also the “weird” kid at school, that’s why i didn’t have friends. we were weird because we were good at school, we were passionate about the books we were reading, we were stereotypical middle school fangirls, but at least we were happy? and we were age appropriate but it was never good enough and i should hang out more with the sort of girls on student council and on sports teams never mind that i tried that and we didn’t have anything in common, and they were mean and i was happy with my friends and i get she wanted to help but when i did have a problem with that group when i was upset that hope had been secretly pregnant in high school and had her sister lie to us for months and we only found out because she posted a photo at seven months on facebook and i was just upset she hadn’t trusted us to have her back when we had been so close and just wanted to vent to my mother and have her on my side it was all “well maybe you should have been more approachable and less judgmental like you’re being now” like i know that but i just wanted someone to acknowledge that the lying was shitty. and even if i did mess up, i was fifteen and just wanted my mom to be conforting. but i can never vent because all i get are suggestions on what to do better and i appreciate the intent, i do, but occasionally i would like to be told that i’m good enough.

so anyway i said that i was wrong to be so defensive i just felt that she was trying to criticize either my friend or my ability to perceive my friend because when she complains about my friends i feel like i have to defend myself and them. and she went off on my about how she was just trying to help me be a good friend so that i would be able to be there for her because her own friends hadn’t been there for her, and her mom hadn’t supported her, and no one believed her when she was raped and since i know that i should be a little more aware, and i should know that my mother is not an evil person, and that she is not trying to be malicious, and how hurt she is by me saying that she criticizes my friends when i have heard her say the same thing about her mother, and how dare i imply she’s a bad mom like her mother when i know how much she has hurt her” and this whole time i’m trying to explain that i know she’s not trying to hurt me, i know her intentions are good, i’m just trying to say how it made me feel but she’s talking over me and i’m also annoyed that she’s kinda implying that if we hadn’t had this conversation i wouldn’t be there for my friend when she needed me and also implying that i wouldn’t believe my friends if they came to me about a sexual assault. like, give me some credit here. i’m usually the one between my mother and i who’s saying we need to address rape culture, and women’s word should be more valued, but now i’m the bad guy because it hasn’t happened to me.

and i know my mom had trauma. so many of her parenting choices so obviously link back to what i know about her past.  She was the youngest of three kids and an accident later in life so her parents were kinda sick of the whole parenting thing and were almost completely hands-off, which let my mom get in a lot of bad situations, so she micromanaged everything. I was the textbook overachieving child has no idea what to do when everyone else catches up. i got good grades in school, so if my grades ever were less than perfect i apparently wasn’t trying hard enough and she knew i could do better so why was i letting myself down like this and when i got straight a’s or awards it wasn’t “i’m so proud of how hard you worked” it was “i’m proud of how smart you are” or “i wish i had been that smart” which sounded nice but ignored that i had to bust my ass for those grades, at the expense of extracurriculars and friendships and my mental health to the point that i had a breakdown in the middle of my senior english class over getting an 89 on essay because failing wan’t okay and anything that would drop my grade from an A+ was a failure. nevermind that my little brother was rewarded anytime he got a grade higher than a D because they expected them to fail. 

and its like that in so many areas. nothing i ever do is good enough on its own. its just “okay, now what are you going to do next” and I feel like i’m drowning here. If its not my friends, it’s my lack of a dating life. My whole childhood, she told me not to get married or have kids young because it would ruin my life (she was twenty when she married my dad and 21 when she had me) and how disappointing it was to see all these young girls more focused on dating and romantic validation instead of school or their careers. She was happy i didn’t date in high school (I didn’t have the time to date and still get perfect grades, even if i had wanted to). but now i’m about to graduate college and have still never been in a relationship (i still don’t have time to get good grades, have a job [since i’m mostly on my own for school costs], write a thesis for the honors program she wouldn’t let me drop, hang out with friends and date, and i’m pretty sure i’m ace) and suddenly she wants to ask me about whether i’m seeing someone every time i call home and is getting progressively more frustrated that “i’m too shy and not willing to make this a priority”. and 1) why the hell would you think it was going to magically become a priority when my whole life you have told me it shouldn’t be, and 2) i’m pretty sure i’m asexual, and have no fucking clue what my romantic orientation is but i might be into girls a little because the closest things to crushes I've ever had have been toward my female friends, and that’s a whole other can of worms since when i experimentally float the concept of asexuality or not being interested in sex i get dismissed and while she says she’s okay with my cousin being gay anytime someone makes a joke about the possibility of my brother or I being on the LGBT spectrum the whole family makes really homophobic comments. and i’m torn because if she ever found out i was scared to come out to her she’d be really pissed and hurt about “how dare i think she would react badly” but i’m pretty sure she would react badly, either in anger or in dismissive “you’re being ridiculous, you just don’t know what you’re missing”. i get that one a lot. I've talked about how i have no interest in ever being pregnant and she just keeps telling me i’m wrong to not want that experience regardless of the fact that i have really bad type 3 EDS that i get from her (though her case isn’t as bad) which is a connective tissue disorder that goes hand and hand with POTS and i already have chronic dislocations, severe scoliosis, am in constant pain, and a heart arrhythmia. Plus, we know that my symptoms already get worse when my hormones get out of wack during my period, and pregnancy is known to make eds so much worse, permanently (since its a degenerative condition). And she’s always dealing with consequences of being pregnant that are worse because of the eds, like how the scar-tissue from her c-section is much worse than it should be and keeps causing adhesions that cause her a lot of pain, and pelvic floor keeps trying to collapse, and i almost died during labor because the stress fucked with my heart so bad. and i know of women with eds whose joints were permanently fucked or who know have to walk with a cane because of how much damage their pelvises went through in childbirth, so yeah i’d rather not risk it when i’ve always wanted to adopt anyway but anytime i express any of this she gets upset because either “i’m so sorry your mother is an idiot! It’s not like she speaks from experience” <- exact quote, or “you need to stop letting this illness dictate your life, i didn’t raise a victim but that's the problem with your generation, you always think you’re a victim” which argh. and i might be okay with that last argument if she didn’t constantly tell me that i need to be more proactive about taking care of my body because of my condition (which is exactly what i’m trying to do with the not wanting to be pregnant thing, but apparently this just applies to how i need to eat better and exercise more ]even though most exercises hurt and use up too many spoons for me to work out and do everything else i need to] because i can’t afford to gain anymore weight [again, this is why i have so much fucking guilt every time i eat], or to how i apparently need to tell everyone in my life that i could faint at anytime [but stop making everything about your condition, Nicole]).

Anyway, long story short, i feel like nothing i ever do is good enough and i always have to be the bigger person and let it go when i’m upset. and i do love her, and i know she loves me but it just feels conditional even if i’m pretty sure its not. and i never know if i’m being too hard on, since i know she has trauma and is trying to help, but i have trauma too even if a different kind, and i have diagnosed but unmedicated anxiety and depression and i need validation from others and i just want to be told one time that i’m enough or that she’s sorry for all of the pressure she constantly puts on me, and i feel guilty for being so selfish when she needs me but, also, she’s my mom? i’m sick of having to parent everyone around me and then getting told its none of my business and i need to be more respectful. I just can’t win and i feel like i’m going to explode and i feel so guilty and so angry at myself and at her and then more guilt and anger for feeling guilt and anger to the point that i don’t know how to feel anything anymore. today’s just a really bad day and i feel like i keep getting more and more broken and conflicted about everything from politics to sexuality to religion i don’t know what to feel or what i think anymore...

#tw: mentioned homophobia #tw: mentioned rape #tw: trauma #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: chronic pain #tw: chronic illness #dead dove do not eat #original post #vent post