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#my upbringing was kinda fucked up so my sense of boundaries is way off and im only now starting to try and establish the
brightjin · 3 years
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still thinking about that one post thats like "in order to be happy youre going to have to disappoint your parents a bit" it didnt have to go that hard but it did
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fluffywolverine · 3 years
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so season 6 of lucifer came out.
there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.
- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.
- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.
- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything  - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.
- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.
- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.
- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;
- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.
- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.
- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.
- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.
- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.
- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not  glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.
- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?
- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?
- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).
- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.
phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.
sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.
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thedeviljudges · 3 years
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yohan + physical tough + trauma response
disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.
also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.
so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.
so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.
yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.
episode one
the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.
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later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.
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next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.
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i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:
yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.
if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.
we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.
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the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.
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and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.
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him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.
episode two
we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.
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later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.
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okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.
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so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.
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of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.
yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.
anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.
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and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.
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with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.
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so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.
then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?
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episode three
yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.
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and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.
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and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.
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and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.
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and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.
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it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.
episode four
i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.
this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.
what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.
after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).
basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.
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then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.
tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.
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yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.
later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.
but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.
to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.
i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.
so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:
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because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.
and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.
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and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.
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and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?
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the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.
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and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.
you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.
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episode six
so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.
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after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.
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additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.
the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.
and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.
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the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.
because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.
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but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.
but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.
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to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.
but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.
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episode seven
the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.
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and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.
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episode eight
the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.
we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.
and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.
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additional thoughts
i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.
the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.
yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes
day flings
he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex
inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself
he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason
and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:
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i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.
yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.
lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets​‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.
“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).
“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).
“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”
yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.
yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.
and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.
and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao
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anarmorofwords · 3 years
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I think I’m only protective against people against platonic fairstairs (romantic fairstairs can like not) because…I get the feeling that idk; sometimes Matthew is the only merry thief the fandom at large doesn’t want to grow beyond their small circle of friendship, like he’s friends with Anna but like him and Cordelia being friends is good for him, I think? Good for Cordelia too. I think, at least. They like a lot of the same stuff, they have been nothing but warm to each other, and they honestly enjoy each other’s company? I really don’t think Matthew had any ulterior motives in befriending her other than he thought she was nice (him expressing “love” for her in the romantic sense feels like the biggest comphet “I feel a way for you and I am a guy and you are a girl, I should feel romantic for you” and “I want to emotionally hurt myself” which aren’t really actual romantic feelings), they spent time together (the road trip was cute and one of the rare moments that I felt “oh these two are actually allowing themselves to enjoy something good for them” before Lilith ruined it), he came out to her! Something he seemed actually very scared to do! I even think him telling her what he did isn’t even that bad because he spilled it to try and make her feel better (even if it’s not I would have done in the slightest) because he honestly does value her as a friend, and wants her to feel better even if the only way he can think to do that is “you can’t be a monster, I know a monsters and I am one.” Matthew doesn’t have to put on an act for Cordelia because Cordelia DOENST know him as well and know what he used to be like, Matthew doesn’t put Cordelia’s hero complex on edge because he’s also a natural care taker mom friend so he also doesn’t give off “I need to save him energy, or I need to do this myself, because he’s ready to give her his everything already and without conditions so like it’s complementary.
Oh and I think there is a another reason they bonded: Grace.
Grace basically is the driving force in at least the main plot of the books so far that’s moved Cordelia and Matthew from their main friendships, with Lucie and James, in a way. Lucie because she’s helping Grace, Cordelia’s assumed love rival, which must sting even if Cordelia doesn’t have the full story to why she’s helping grace but from Cordelia’s side she’s seeing her best friend and the man she loves pick grace over her and that sucks, then you have Matthew who is trying to slowly bring UO to James that Grace isn’t worth it and getting screamed at over it. Basically, both of them are kind of “left behind” and they formed a friendship from that general state of just being the only ones left to pair up like the two kids without partners for a school project who end up liking each other and staying friends but wouldn’t have become friends if they hadn’t had this series of events leading them together.
They are fine as friends, love triangle bullshit is dumb, should have just been the tlh version of Emma and Cristina is my ending point sorry for annoying you with a thesis called “platonic fairstairs made total sense, cc is just too romance minded to not fuck it up and I don’t blame people for rejecting romantic fairstairs but to say their friendship is fake or came out of nowhere is a little bit of a stretch for me personally.”
hi anon!!
i feel you and I'm with you!! I hate romantic Fairstairs, but platonic?! I love that relationship.
That's frustrating, true, but it's as simple as people hate Matthew and therefore don't want him associated with the characters they like, or even worse, accept that he could be an important part of their lives, and will do all sorts of mental gymnastics to discredit their friendship.
Anna and Matthew are a whole other topic, but from what I remember, it's only said that they're close, and we barely see that relationship. Plus I personally don't like Anna, so I like him being friends with someone else. I love TMT - hope they can work out their issues ofc - but they all can and should have friends outside of that.
Oh absolutely! I think their relationship is awesome! They have great banter and are comfortable around each other, and caring and they pay attention to each other. Matthew never took advantage of her, genuinely cares about her as a friend, and did that even before he was "in love", and he was nothing but respectful and clear about his feelings. He said he'd respect her boundaries in Paris, too.
I know some people will try their best to ignore the good things about him and that relationship, but Matthew was the only one that was there for her throughout all the mess with James and other things. (just so we're clear, it's on no way am attempt at shitting on Alastair; he was there for her all their lives and he's trying his best and I love him; also, Cordelia herself didn't give him a chance to help in this case; but I'm just stating a fact)
He was a steady friend who supported her all the time - made her laugh, cheered her up. Remember how free she felt during their little trip? Matthew gave her a chance to feel carefree and reckless for a moment, something her golden child syndrome and lonely upbringing with Elias didn't allow much of. James (tho it's not his fault) only stressed her out and she was suffocating in that relationship, while Matthew let her breathe more freely. Overlooking that just because you hate him is,,,, a choice.
Even the scene after Elias's death - it wasn't Matthew's intention to be insensitive about it (was he, actually? it did make her feel better, so I'm not sure what to think) He attempted to cheer her up, and then the monster thing was also supposed to do that. And perhaps it wasn't the best way of doing so, but that's not his fault. He didn't make it about him - he just tried to help the way he thought would be best. I saw people say that trying to relate to someone else's problems is a thing many ND people do as means of showing support, and Matthew is sometimes suggested to be ADHD, sooo
You're right, they seem to work well together and not make their respective "fatal flaws" worse.
And Matthew is more relaxed around her, but also more open and vulnerable - as you say, he doesn't need to pretend so much, doesn't need to put on a show.
That's a very interesting point about Grace, and you're totally right! I think Matthew is even aware of that - he kinda feels like both him and Cordelia were abandoned by James and wants to somehow make up for it to her, but also is looking for a friend himself, for someone to support and see him. They're both losing James to Grace, and can bond over that.
The little kids in a group metaphor is beautiful, thanks dear.
yes yes yes
yes
i still remember how my heart raced when Matthew told her that their group was missing something - and it was her. It seemed like a start of such a beautiful friendship, and I'm starving for m/f friendships. But alas, CC can't write those :'))
so yes, thank you, I agree, and you don't annoy me at all!! feel free to send whatever thesis you wanna share <3
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meta-squash · 4 years
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This is something I’ve been thinking about re: Mickey in 3x06 but I can’t really figure out how to write it out as a fic so I’m just going to write it as a meta.
Most of season 2 is Ian and Mickey properly becoming something like actual friends. Very slowly, since Mickey’s guard is still up like crazy. They’re fucking but they barely seem to know each other. Mickey working at the Kash And Grab changes that up a little, but he’s there pretty briefly because juvie. It’s not really obvious in the scene whether Mickey pussies out of killing Frank because of Ian or because of the prospect of, like, actually killing another person, but I like to imagine it’s because of Ian. Which makes some sort of sense because by the time he gets out at the beginning of season 3, it seems he’s done at least a little bit of thinking and has chilled out a little, in that he’s surprisingly okay with the jealousy he feels later on re: Ned. I think season 2 Mickey probably would have freaked out again at the fact that he was even jealous. Season 3 Mickey is just plain jealous, and even if that internalized homophobia is still sort of there, it’s not like it was before. Anyway, in early season 3 the friendship continues to develop since Mickey’s back at the Kash And Grab and then it speeds right the hell up when Mickey gets jealous of Ned. Mickey’s jealous, he acts jealous, but when Ian shows pretty obvious preference towards him instead of Ned I think he kind of starts to make an internal decision. Then there’s the kiss, obviously, and by then they’ve been fucking for a while and I think Mickey has, to some extent, admitted to himself that he’s actually gay. Because it seems like for most of seasons 1 and 2 he’s really holding on to the “just a warm mouth” type mentality that he tells Ian, trying to convince himself that Ian’s just easy and that’s why he does it, same as Angie being easy or whatever.
So that kiss is one boundary crossed, one pretty big change in Mickey’s mentality. One internal decision made. And throughout this whole thing, Mickey has been his usual thug self, talking shit, making threats, being a menace, etc etc. He kinda smooths out when it’s just him and Ian (like in the dugout and stuff) but he’s still got his guard up.
But then there’s the conversation in the Kash And Grab, when Mickey invites Ian over. First of all, I’m pretty sure it’s the first time Mickey has said the word “gay” so casually, without using it as an insult/threat or it being something he’s freaking out about. So that’s interesting. Also, he’s obviously a little guarded when inviting Ian over, but not freaking out, and not in a way that makes him insult Ian, which is new (and the “fuck you is what you’re invited to” doesn’t count because I feel like that’s a pretty standard Mickey response no matter what).
So basically what all this is leading up to is the night of 3x06, which I think is unique in its own right even without being followed up by the morning.
Because Ian sleeping over, alone in the Gallagher house without Mandy, or Mickey’s brothers, or Terry, or anybody, is essentially the first time the two of them have been safely, privately together, like ever. The dugout is pretty much the only other time and that was still basically in public. So not only is this their first time hanging out alone, it’s also one of the only times we ever get to see Mickey being a Teenager. Like, Ian does teenager shit, goofs off with his siblings, reacts to things like a teenager would. Mickey, up until now, has been all anxiety and violence. This is the first moment we see Mickey with his guard down, Mickey acting his actual age, which is like 17. This is the first time we see Mickey relaxed and genuinely laughing. The first time we see Mickey in a situation that is just so normal and teenager-y, watching a movie with your friend while eating pizza rolls on the couch, hanging out.
We don’t know how the rest of their night went, but the fact that Mickey is comfortable enough to bring out and display the ben-wa beads is pretty telling. I mean, obviously more fucking happened that night, duh. But also to go from being as guarded as Mickey was, to (barely) stepping over the boundary of kissing, to the relaxed Mickey we see in 3x06, I get the impression that whatever interactions they had that night put Mickey at ease. I doubt there was much heart-to-heart talking, or if there was it would be entirely one-sided because Ian’s a talker, not Mickey (at least in s3). Maybe it was sex in a private, somewhat safe and comfortable place, maybe it was hanging out alone and really kind of getting to connect on a level that wasn’t public, maybe it was getting to let his guard down and act a teenager, maybe it was something else, who knows. That glance between them as the movie starts makes me think there was probably some movie theater-style making out. In any case, this sleepover is the night that Mickey really gets to be a teenager, to be kind of a “regular kid” without the concerns and anxieties and things he usually has. Probably another threshold crossed, another level of Mickey accepting himself and all that.
And then it’s all ruined. Which is a scene that is horrible and fucked up and we all know it so I’m not going to go over it because obviously it’s hugely traumatizing for them. But it’s interesting the way that Ian reacts to the rape vs Mickey, in that Mickey’s walls go right back up (as expected) and we basically don’t get that guard-down Mickey again until the end of season 4 when he’s living on Ian’s floor. But Ian interacts with Mickey in this odd way, similar to how he talked to him in season 2, like he wants the walls to be down, and if he just talks enough he can force them down. Which kind of worked before, in a way. But this time it just kind of shoves it in Mickey’s face that he should never have let his guard down, that he’s fucked, that there’s this new trauma he doesn’t want to think about. Ian reacts like a teenager, kind of making this about him and what he wants, talking to Mickey’s brick wall. Mickey, on the other hand, pulls back into the acting-older-than-he-is shield of violence and silence. For good reason, obviously. It’s like Ian doesn’t quite understand what happened, the significance and intensity of it all. Mickey absolutely knows what happened to him.
What I find fascinating is that in the scene before the wedding, Ian somehow manages to hit the nail on the head while simultaneously missing the point completely. Mickey kisses Ian, they fuck, so it’s a pretty clear sign that Mickey’s feelings are still there (there’s even the “it’s just a piece of paper” line). Mickey quite literally tells him, “why you acting like I got a choice in this” and Ian responds with a line that should be him realizing the reasons Mickey has no choice: “Your dad is an evil, psychotic prick.” To Ian, that’s an excuse to NOT go through with it. To Mickey (and the audience), it’s the reason he HAS to.
And here’s the moment we see Ian’s family upbringing vs Mickey’s, and how different the Gallaghers have it despite their fucked up life:
“You’re just gonna let him ruin your life.”
“You need to grow the fuck up. Don’t act like you know a thing about my dad. Not everybody just gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute.”
It seems like Ian is seeing the rape as a one-time thing, as some crazy over-the-top reaction from Terry. He’s probably comparing Terry to Frank. Frank’s a bastard, but his assholery extends mostly to scams and insults and neglect, not actual physical violence towards his kids (minus the one time he slapped Ian). So Ian’s thinking of Terry as the same level of threatening as Frank, or maybe just a notch or two higher, rather than leaps and bounds more awful. Which I don’t quite understand considering the whole plotline with Terry also raping Mandy in s2. Ian understands that Terry is fucked up, but I think the “don’t act like you know a thing about my dad” line isn’t necessarily Mickey backing up his father in any way. In fact, I think it’s the opposite. I think it’s a “you have no idea how far he might go” sort of thing. And then the following line about blurting out feelings is just another signal that Ian misses completely. Ian grew up getting hugs and conversation and always had Lip or Fiona to turn to and talk out his feelings at least to some extent. He grew up in a household very giving when it comes to feelings. Mickey’s the exact opposite. So him even saying anything hinting that he wants to blurt out any feelings at all is pretty much him waving a big flag saying “I’m scared and everything’s fucked and I can’t actually say it because that might literally get me killed but I still have feelings for you.” But Ian has never been good at subtlety so it makes sense he doesn’t catch that.
So you have Mickey, who barely even got to be a teenager, stuck in this situation, traumatized and forced to live with that trauma on so many literal levels. He has to live with the emotional trauma, but he also has to live with Terry and Svetlana, two constant reminders. And no one else knows what happened. So he closes off again because it’s the only way to survive. Back to the walls he had in the early days. And you have Ian, who despite having been there, doesn’t get it and reacts like the teenager that he is.
There’s also the fact that Ian running away and disappearing means Mickey has the distance to worry and think and realize that he’s pretty fucking gone for Ian, so by the time he’s going out looking for him in 4x07, he’s dressing up and putting on cologne. The Milkovich siblings are loyal to a fault when they love someone, and so once Ian’s back for good, it’s like that distance really made Mickey make a decision. I mean, he quite literally sleeps on Ian’s floor like a loyal dog. Even after that, Ian’s making teenager decisions (manic ones, but still teenager-y) while Mickey is now actually legally an adult (I think? Thank you Shameless writers for being very flexible with ages and timelines) and is suddenly the stable one all the way up to the end of season 5.
Basically it’s just so interesting to think what would have happened had the morning of 3x06 not occurred and Mickey was able to have that night really being a teenager. How would their relationship have progressed had Mickey’s guard stayed down, had he been more relaxed around Ian after that? I’m sure he’d have still been Thug Mickey around Ian in public, but maybe in a different way, quieter, all posturing. Something like that.
Instead, Ian gets to be a kind of teenager, while Mickey is kind of stuck in various adult roles (whether he’s anxiously putting up more of an act like the early days or actually stepping into it like season 4 and 5). And the one night he does get to be a teenager is ruined by trauma.
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collectedbooks · 5 years
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@andholy​ said:  what do you love most about writing aziraphale? ( bonus if you want: would you say you are pretty similar or different to him, & in what way(s) 👀 )
OOH THANK YOU FOR THIS!! i’m gonna start with similarities and differences bc what i love most is gonna be LONGER
so i think i’m just slightly more different from aziraphale than i am similar, if that makes any sense?? the reason i’m ?? about it is because the things that i have in common with him are HUGE parts of my personality, so it’s ?????
main differences are:   i swear like a dnd barbarian  /  i’m more goth-wannabe than pastel dandy  /  i generally try to be nice to most people i meet unless they get on my case first ( instead of passive aggressively scaring off every stranger who comes near, az )  /  i’m more sociable than he is in general  /  i’m more at home with casual affection than he is  /  i’m not nearly as well-traveled  /  i get angry a lot more  /  i SHARE my books sometimes  /  i’m not okay with casual killing  /  and i’m pretty tech savvy and modern-ish overall. he’s also got this detachment from people as a whole since he’s lived so long and since he’s got this connection to a higher power, and i’m, comparably, more down to earth ( badum-tss ). also not religious, and have a kinda negative view of humanity given the past couple years’ political events.
main similarities are:   BOOK LOVING MOTHERFUCKERS  /  huge collections of books  /  would kill anyone who damaged a book  /  i love tea and cocoa more than coffee  /  i like being comfy  /  i don’t mind a nice helping of alone time  /  i’m also dumb of ass and home of sexual  /  i have unhealthy attitudes instilled in me from my upbringing/education that i’m learning from and breaking out of over time  /  i get SUPER excited about the things that i’m interested in even if i’m not very good at them  /  i FUCKING LOVE SHAKESPEARE ( i’m literally about to go to a camp that teaches me stage combat through fight scenes from shakespeare plays can i get a WAHOO )  /  i’m Soft ( or i like to think i am at least )  /  i love food  /  i tend to ramble  /  alcohol nights and existential rambling with friends baybee  /  and i cannot drive nor do i enjoy driving. also i do think the world is worth saving, so that’s something.
as for what i love the most about writing aziraphale......it’s a couple of different things!
first of all, good omens and i have a History TM, i read the book years and years ago --- this blog was made five years ago!! --- and then lost it and bought a new copy, and lost that one, but ever since, whenever i’m at a really difficult point in my life, i’ve always been able to find one of those two copies somewhere in my house, and sit down and read them and enjoy them. the mini-series came out right at a tough time for me too, so good omens has always been my little comfort nook to settle into, even though i never really appreciated it until this year. so writing aziraphale is comfortable, and makes me happy, and reminds me of every time he and that story have been there for me.
second, like i said, our similarities are HUGE parts of who i am as a person, so sometimes it’s just like being the most positive version of myself on here! i get to ramble about books and reblog aesthetic pictures of tea and be hella gay, and when my personal life gets rough it’s really nice to be here and dive into the elements of my life and myself that make me feel happy and safe. the past couple of months were rough; like i said, the mini-series came around at a perfect time. and everyone in the fandom is so nice and so chill as far as i’ve seen, and there’s so many people who have loved the book for years and years and now get to share their love with an even wider audience, so it’s cool to feel both that history AND that energy at the same time.
third, good omens has always had that aura of lived-in-ness to it. there’s a vast and mapped out and familiar world behind it for crowley and aziraphale both, we know weird specifics about both heaven and hell enough to make them feel like entire fleshed-out concepts, BUT at the same time, we don’t have all the details. there’s such a wide, wide world of possibilities within the good omens universe, even with all we’ve been given! what are the departments of heaven? are there individual offices? does someone plan out things like freak accidents ahead of time or is that human influence gone wild and the angels are just like ‘oh yikes’? I Don’t Fucking Know, I Just Go Here! same questions for hell! there are spelled-out limits to the garden, but no one knows exactly what kind of fruits are growing in it, so we can pick and choose and imagine whatever we want to! and it’s fun to write in a universe with some boundaries but limitless liminal spaces for imagination to fill in!
fourth, aziraphale is a challenge for me, as a writer. i’ve always favored morally grey asshole-with-a-heart-of-gold characters, but aziraphale is different in certain ways from my usual mold. it’s like, he’s GOT a moral code, but no one else really knows what it is and it can change at any given time. he’s hypocritical in action, not just in words or ideas; i mean, he’s an ANGEL, and he’s the one who comes up with the idea of killing the child antichrist. who on earth would think that’s the angelic play to call? aziraphale does. he’s a nice person at heart: he loves humanity, he’s apologetic and kind and helps heal people who got hit by cars, he feeds the ducks and reads books. but he’s also customer-service-hates-your-guts extraordinaire in his shop, and okay with casual murder to suit a cause, and jumps around people’s bodies sometimes ruining their lives in the process ( sorry televangelist guy that we all kinda hated anyway ), and manipulates people into doing the stuff that he doesn’t find morally agreeable enough to do himself but that he still needs done. he’s a mosh pit of enigmas and it’s hard to pin him down, because he is SO kind and SO dumb of ass but at the same time he is FRIGHTFULLY callous at times and really an asshole at times. which is SUCH a dichotomy and i love to experiment and play around in it!
in summary: I Just Think He’s Neat! writing him brings a lot of positivity into my life and i find him a fascinating character to dissect in so many ways and he loves books just as much as i do! Idiot Angel Man Take Me By The Hand Lead Me To The La
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kendrixtermina · 5 years
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Thoughts and Feelings about“Change Your Mind”
I really wish I could rewatch this motherfucker somewhere but I have to sleep and go to work 
Well on the one hand the main story lines are pretty much done for, on the other, the fallout alone could fill another season, and I’m actually glad that they’re not relegating that to the epilogue but actually going to show it
I assume season 5 will be Steven working with the Diamonds to improve homeworld, explaining things to Jasper, integrating the former corrupted gems on earth, finding out the deal with pink pearl, further developing Steven’s new fusions etc. 
Other open questions involve gem origins and peridot’s renewable energy project, but I suppose that will come up as Steven tries to make the Empire less... imperialistic. 
I understand why they wanted to air this in one piece, you couldn’t leave the younger viewers hanging with some of these creepytastic scenes and no resolution
There’s various concepts I feel reminded of. 
There’s this idea of “tzimtsum” in kaballalistic thought, about how God created the world - In order to create a being apart from himself, he “hid” some aspects of the being, the ones that would seem - So every part of creation reflects one aspect of god, but none shows the complete pictures of it, and because everything has some aspects of god but not others, it is unique - so all humans are made in gods image, but still be different from each other.  
Maybe Pink Diamond would be something like Lucifer in this analogy, part of the creation but as far from the god as you can get while still existing, and somehow their antithesis (stretching the analogy here, of course Judaism has no counterpart to Lucifer let alone the positive-ish early modernity interpretions of him - but of course, White Diamond isn’t exactly a benevolent God either. )
First of course Star Trek, like the ep where Captain Kirk is split into what at first seems like his good and evil half but is more like his animal instincts and higher reasoning, or in Voyager, when B’Elana Torres is split into her human and Klingon halves. 
I guess Garnet wasn’t completely wrong in his being something in-between fusion and human reproduction, his gem half could be considered A Pink Diamond, but not the same one who created him - He must be fricking powerful to shrug off WD’s beams like that, like how Stevonnie still has “boosted” versions of Steven’s abilities despite Connie being human, Steven’s probably like Pink Diamond, but ‘boosted’.  
Steven’s victory certainly showcases how it comes from both sides of his heritage. It involves making WD laugh/embarassed like what Pink used to do, but unlike her, he has the communication skills from Greg - I don’t think Pink ever talked to Blue in that way, she didn’t seem aware of what the other Diamonds were thinking at all, any more than she really understood Pearl’s lingering knot of complexes. It’s just not a skill she could have picked up before Greg - when? From whom?  
His responsibility is all uniquely him and due to his upbringing with the CG’s and wanting to help him more, tho, both his parents where free spirit hippy bohemians, but it was Steven who decided “Nope, I WANT to fix it, because I can”, not because he owes it to anybody, even when no one could fault him for running. 
Also, Frankenstein (the Novel not the film) - The original Victor was a sympathetic, even admirable character, but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to have empathy with the monster, though Adam was in many ways alike to him and initially didn’t wish to be his enemy.  Because while the gems relate to White Diamond as their goddess and the other Diamonds see her as their mother, she seems to regard them as extensions of herself. Maybe she would, as their creator. Gods are expected to smile benevolently upon their followers and solve their problems, Mothers, while they are flawed humans,  are supposed to love their kids as they are and realize that they become their own persons, but artists frequently tear up their own work if they’re dissatisfied with it, because it’s supposed to be a reflection of their existence, so they might hate it for not reflecting them well enough - 
i often regret tearing up half my teenage fanfics, but I’m able to view them different now that I’m - Back then, I felt like they reflectzed badly onto me - but if had kids and treated them like my fanfics or crumpled drawings, well, that would scar them for life. 
You could certainly see this as a metaphor for narcissism, particularly in the way WD judged everything by how much it was like her, to the point that she would ‘overwrite`’ ppl’s personalities with her ideas of how it ought to be, while lacking a solid identity of her own apart from being “perfect/the best” by default, but that only goes so far because the gems literally are her creations who take their characteristics from various aspects of her being. 
She’d have a completely different conceptual framework to anyone else, though she’s certainly not “above it” in any way. 
I don’t think she was completely unaffected by Pink’s dissapearence either, if you want to complete the Stages of Grief analogy she would be Denial or Bargaining. Most likely,  she was growing increasingly frustrated with her ability to make her empire “perfect” like she ought to and that’s why she started keeping to herself more and assuming that Pink couldn’t be dead. 
She seemed like the knowing one when she was as much in denial as anyone else - you can tell they had a complicated relationship because of how White saw herself in her, that might be why she indulged and preferred her, but then again she didn’t always like what she saw and felt that Pink represented parts of her that she didn’t want to see. 
It’s not without reason that Steven tells her to “get out of her own head” and try to see the world for what it is rather than her preconceived notions of what it is or means. You could perhaps relate that to 
When she realizes that she’s actually dead - that’s when she has her breakdown. 
You could even draw a parallel to “Romeo And Juliet”, where the older generation only realizes how much its ways were fucked up when it gets their beloved children killed for just trying to live happy lives. 
Cal Gustav Jung would certainly remind us that what irritates us about others are often things that irritate us about ourselves, that we may be liable to “see the world as we are” and never is that more apparent than when we view everything through some skewed belief system, or when we hate - people hate people who blur boundaries because they don’t want to confront the ambiguity within themselves, or act as “superior” and merciless because they’ve rejected their own mortal fragile humanity.
Another observation is that when you set up anything as the “default” you create pressure not to deviate from the norm and prevent its members from experiencing their individuality. (see societal pressure on heterosexual men, or Euro-Americans saying they ‘have no culture to celebrate’ - maybe instead of becoming a devouring plague upon your fellow men, you could actually appreciate European culture? Like, read some books, eat some cheese, learn a language, listen to some classical music, vote for worker protection laws?)
It speaks for PD that she even tried to save other aliens at some point. steven stepped completely out of her shadow the moment he was able to feel sorry for her, like “Geez, she had to live like that? No wonder she turned out the way she did!” he pretty much calls the other Diamonds out at some point, like he gets a secure sense of the differences between them when he realizes how much better off he’s been in his own life. Like, UGH. 
For my part, I don’t believe the “best of the worst” thing was true, and more of an “evil cannot comprehend good” moment from White, if not outright projection. (after all, White seems to view all other Gems as imperfect copies of herself) If anything, Pink seemed upset that she got stuck being the leader even as “Rose Quartz” (see the Beach scene in “Greg the babysitter”) - but of course Steven, not being Pink, wouldn’t know whether or not White is right. 
Other Thoughts:
In the earlier scenes you could see a lot of parallels to less than ideal family situations, and how people might end up acting as proxies of the problematic person, almost sprouting their words, in the name of keeping the peace, and how people in such an environment may have no idea of how it’s not normal
You CAN talk down such a person (I know of multiple people who made a bona fide job out of talking sense into literal nazis and clansmen, person by person - their tactic was generally to find whatever problem their rage came from), but there’s a difference between “flawed” and “awful” and I do think it came through that White is a piece of work quite unlike, say, Connie’s mother, and that Steven’s dealing with her because he wants to for the good of society, because he’s the bigger person and secure in himself,  not because he owes it to her or anything
It seems like they went for “awesome” rather than “beautiful” with Steven’s fusions. The designs are kinda gaudy, but even so, once you getpast the gaudy design, it’s kind of touching how Steven’s and Garnet’s fusion is essentially a motivational speaker who sprouts encouraging advice nonstop. Garnet was always Steven’s Mentor and  as well as the main person (besides greg) to teach him morals, as well as generally encouraging & supportive, but Steven of course encourages and supports her too, and both like doing that for others
I love Peridot’s short shorts and that she and Bismuth repaired the ships/ went a-tinkering together. It took me a bit to notice that it’s supposed to be shorts and not just her old outfit with starts instead tho
Voice of Reason!Connieis a gift that keeps on giving
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I posted 935 times in 2021
383 posts created (41%)
552 posts reblogged (59%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 1.4 posts.
I added 415 tags in 2021
#euphoria - 143 posts
#euphoria hbo - 86 posts
#youtube - 39 posts
#rue bennett - 28 posts
#ufos - 26 posts
#zendaya - 25 posts
#euphoria edit - 18 posts
#euphoria season 2 - 17 posts
#ufology - 17 posts
#alien disclosure - 16 posts
Longest Tag: 103 characters
#8am and thinking how do people create their own realities in the face of overwhelming opposing evidence
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
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My friend's step son killed himself and his job gave him two days to grieve. This is a full-time job with benefits so fuck y'all coddling the illusion that capitalism is fine and dandy.
49 notes • Posted 2021-11-19 14:19:15 GMT
#4
Really loved the teaser, it teased, I don't have a clue what's coming, but the hoodie is back, the Labrinth flourishes were sweet, and someone is almost certainly going to die.
55 notes • Posted 2021-11-23 20:03:30 GMT
#3
Science asks of the world "Give us one free miracle and we will explain the rest", the one free miracle is the appearance of all the mass and energy in the universe and all the laws that govern it in a single instant from nothing.”
Terence McKenna
57 notes • Posted 2021-02-01 19:37:19 GMT
#2
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I find the sensibilities between Euphoria and Genera+ion fascinating as they both portray Gen Z but feel entirely different. Sam Levinson gives Euphoria a Gen-X edge (Sam is a borderline Gen-Xer, I guess technically Millennial). The world he creates is dark and dangerous and the characters cope with ironic snark and aggressive pushback (see Jules’ first confrontation with Nate). It feels and sometimes looks like the Smells Like Teen Spirit music video. 90’s nostalgia oozes everywhere, and the over the top cinematography that taps into the teen myopia gives it this dark mystical quality (nobody has any lights on in their homes, it’s grungy to say the least). I identify with this worldview, I get the circus of teen emotion, I get the sense of me versus the world as a melancholic outsider. Euphoria is my reality, irrespective if it’s populated with a different generation.
Genera+ion deals with the same social issues of teens today but what’s noticeable is the lack of commentary on the world, it’s like they are closed off into their phones so far that the world outside doesn’t exist. Everyone likes everyone else, even the jocks in the changing rooms seem totally okay with the sexual spectrum, there are no bullies, there are no troubling addictions, it’s... alien to me, and maybe, I don’t know, more accurate? Is Gen Z so together with their nicecore upbringing that they have evolved beyond our hang-ups and become more unified as a generation, preoccupied with the moment and less with the meanings of events? The only meanings they are shown to care about are identity politics, but with a fluidity that can be transgressed too. You can care or not care, but meaning needs to be drawn from this meme-ified understanding of reality. It’s a chatroom that has evolved in isolation, with its own symbols and signifiers, and lack of consequence because confrontation is portrayed as something within the boundaries of fair play. They seem so damn agreeable in their idle distraction. There’s drama of course but it’s interpersonal, not societal (well other generations with their baggage but within their own, no issues). I find it sweet, even though, sure there’s transgressive stuff in the show I guess (if you lean conservative) but to me, watching it, I think the kids are alright. They got something kinda beautiful in the way they were able to cut the boomer shit from their lives, the Gen-x shit too (our preponderance on meaning in the social realm as something to subvert). I still think it’s important, and this disconnect is not ideal, but still it’s better than imploding Gen-X style.
Euphoria is idealized through a Gen-X sensibility, the turf war is brazen (Kat has a fantasy of her tumblr followers raiding the school and it’s grandiose spectacle but really is the show that much different?). Genera+ion, like the underlying ideology of the kids, is like an aesthetic mood board, unbothered with potent symbolism, the surface beauty is enough. Even during a school lockdown, it’s all about the appearances, no gravity of the situation. Euphoria is a daydream or a nightmare, Genera+ion feels like an unfussy gaze on the moment for Gen Z.
60 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 14:05:00 GMT
#1
The darkest timeline would be anything traumatic happening to Lexi. I'm now very worried. There's a line, Sam, don't cross it.
64 notes • Posted 2021-11-24 16:40:06 GMT
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