*clap* let’s do it ember
1. Jaskier’s been alive for too long. It’s a bit offensive, honestly, he’d thought he’d write his wonderful romantics, fall in love, fall in bed, and eventually be killed by bandits or too angry of a spouse, maybe even a really dedicated duck, ya know? But no, but he’s ??? immortal ??? Offensive. Who the fuck’s ever heard of an immortal bard? No one, because they don’t exist.
2. And yet, here he is, adjusting a wide brimmed hat over his head, adjusting the black of his clothes which hide the silken shirt and skin tight jeans he dons underneath, ugh. But, they’re measures taken if he doesn’t want his skin peeling off again, and he’s really in no mood for that. The shop’s inside has no windows (Melitele bless Aldi’s), and it’s wonderful being able to shuck off his “armor” as he calls it. Geralt calls him a drama queen. He’s not.
3. He’s not, he’s just tired, ok? He has brilliant fashion sense, and he has to cover it up when he has to go out because of the blasted sun. Not to mention, even after a millenia, he ends up pricking his lips when he talks too fast, and damn him if he ever gets to feel wind and warmth against his skin. He kinda misses it, like he kinda misses bingo night that his apartment complex puts on once a month. Okay, scratch kinda, he really misses it, both the feeling of sun kissing his pale skin, and he sight of spit and dentures flying through the air every time Belinda got a bingo (Damn her, he was this close.)
4. Geralt, what to say about Geralt. He’s a witcher, a vampire because Jaskier tripped over his own feet and Geralt was in range, and you know how teeth sink into flesh, you know. It was all very awkward, but uh. Yeah, Jaskier tripped over his own feet and now Geralt’s a vampire, too. He’s never liked the sunlight too much so that hasn’t changed, still names his cats Roach, though now they’re all little vampire cats that yowl at night when Jaskier’s most productive, so that’s not great, but they’re all very cute, so. Win some lose some, he guesses.
5. At the end of the day, he’s gay, he’s immortal, and he has a witcher/vampire/cat lady boyfriend at his side, fashion be damned, sunlight be damned, and Jaskier couldn’t be happier. Now if only he could fucking win bingo, he’s going to drain Belinda dry by the dumpsters if she won’t fucking quit—