#mydiary

[morisumm3r]

#paz de la huerta #mydiary

[winkcore]

i have a vitamin pussy in my mouth deficiency :(

#mydiary #wlw

[thatstolenpayal]

my best friend told me her secret today.

she said that she faced some health issues since she was 9 years old. not extreme though. and it reminded me of how annoyed we used to be of her for having more time than us, lenient parents, an easy life and no troubles. she seemed like the girl born with the silver spoon in her mouth. we never had deep conversations; she didn't really feel anything. she was too dissolved in her own fantasies and refused to take her rose glasses off and see the world.

i used to get so mad that she won't listen to me ever and comfort me. but i realized that sometimes we get so engrossed in ourselves and how others treat us, that we refuse to look at the reality. like yeah obviously i did not know about her health condition. but it never ever struck my mind that she might have some problems that she doesn't talk about.

i understand parts of her now. and i will try to be a better friend to her. she deserves everything and she has a good heart.

it's just, crazy. how my surroundings lead my mind to places i never thought of. i feel so blessed to have life around me, and that i am able to see, feel and appreciate different feelings and emotions. the fact just overwhelms me.

#desiblr #spilled thoughts #life #thoughts #feelings #guilt #reality #idkwhatimfeeling #sigh #friendship #mydiary

[bi0mas-blog]

My new experience in the life was very feelful, useful last time. And my feels were more opened in the real life then before. Some reasons of best changing: 1. Problems with hard, toxic people in the real life. They done wrong things. And I can't organize an communication of problems. 2. Talking with new different people in the real life about this problems change my mood, my emotions. I like it and I feel my confident. I had a barrier: my fear of connection with a new people. But I had a goal to find solution. And I done steps to people and opened my situation. That helped me. And help all you for talk with me here. But a real talk in the real life help me very fast.

#mydiary #myprogress

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

WHO AM I? - Learning To Appreciate Myself, & Honoring My Goodness.

I've been growing in different avenues and for the longest time I've been having to sit with myself. I think this is the closest I've gotten to understand adulthood in many of its forms and its the process of sitting with your emotions even when all you wanna do is run away.

I guess you've got it. I've grown up. I feel it.. But then, I dont? I feel as though I have a lot of playfulness in me, but I feel the seriousness taking up space. I can acknowledge that I haven't been doing my job, and have lost myself along the way.. Because I've been who I am, I'm wondering if I could be another. I'm holding myself hostage, I feel it. I can't lie, there is so much I want to be but I've put a mask on myself so that others couldn't perceive the real me.. Only to still be perceived by false perception.

Misunderstood is code word for, I dont care to understand this person, so I'm just going to label them how I see them, how I value them and so on so forth. So I never go out my way to call myself deeply misunderstood, even though I can be.. Thats not the life I wish to see for myself.

I've been wanting to runaway. Not emotionally, just physically. Like get out of town. Move away. That's all I've been wanting. I held on to my family and friends because I didn't want to lose them, or have them miss out on my growth but then.. Chaos had came through my life and I feel now its best to just get away, and I feel it necessary to grow apart.

I mean.. I'm sure they'll miss me, of course.. But there is no way I can grow in this town I live in. Atlanta is not what it use to be, & I'm tired of feeling alone in this. I want to get away.

I've tried to go out and flow, but the flow here is chaotic and triumphing from the damage that has been done on to me and others is a story board full of discussion.

Even the LGBTQ+ scene isn't enough for me, which was the only reason I really stayed put in the city. I love my city, I do.. but.. I've got a feeling I've grown enough to accept that I must be aligned with my truest feelings and this one takes the cake.

As I'm learning to appreciate adulthood, I'm learning to accept my past truths. I was alone, tired, scared, and adulting was not my favorite thing. I mean, I didn't care. I just wanted to enjoy it. I wasn't enjoying life, so I focused on the partying and drinking. And FUNNY enough, I took part of it even when I told myself I wouldn't. I put myself in spaces having the belief I would be okay, and when it did not happen that way... I failed... distanced myself from people and got out of their business.

Just went away into my little closet, holding on to the meat costumes before they'd be skin and bone. I didn't wanna be alone in it but I felt it best that way.

And then there it was, I opened up a can of worms.

My rage, my power, my worth, it all started to make sense.

I opened up to my darkness and realized how much of me I had left unnoticed. While I was running away from my problems because of depression, I learned why that depression was there. I wasn't having fun. I wasn't loving life. I was too serious. I called it imposter syndrome. It was killing me from the inside. I had to find myself multiple times and realized I wasn't lost... I just didn't want to be the human God intended me to be. And my heart could feel it, I just didnt know it at the time.

I was fighting 'demons' that were fears of my worth. Fears from my past lives, my exhaustion was tied to the world and the need to be in this patriarchal society. Im done. Its over with, man. And learning to accept my pain in all of it, made things full circle. I had to start all over, another thing in adulthood that isn't everyones favorite. But its starting to become mine.

What I'm learning now, is that I can appreciate why I was running. I'm still going back and forth with me on if I'm truly 'nonbinary' or not, and what that even means for a woman like me. What does it mean to like woman and to want to be in the closet knowing pleasure is around the corner. And what am I even doing? What was the point of it? For the male gaze? Idk.

But for once in my life, I'm getting the hang of appreciating my inner self / inner child instead of forcing her inside the house never letting her see the sunshine on a beautiful day.

I got it all figured out... not. But that's the beauty of it all.

#blog #mydiary #kindness #thoughts #woman things #blogging #blogger #adulthood #adulting #lgbt #expressing myself #the art of expression #deja's blog

[antpernas]

2/7/23

Today was mostly good!

Skipped Differential Equations (again,,, oops), eventually got up in time for Data Structures and got some empanadas for breakfast on the way. Class was decent, I felt cool because I helped my classmate with the project jeje

On the way home I listened to a voice message from a guy telling me he wasn't interested in pursuing me, which, while rejection hurts, was a huge weight off my chest because at least now it's explicit and I know what's up!

After that I had work, while I was doing that I did a Quickbooks thing for my mom (realized that the whole issue I was having was because I was trying to log in with her email as .com and not .net), and then promptly drove to the gym I have my capoeira classes at. I caved and bought myself some new headphones on the way. The XM5's are soooo nice and it's so nice to have a pair of over-ears again. It just sucks that they're not quite as compact as the XM4's.

Anyway, I settled down in the gym workspace and worked on my exam for a bit. Later found out that you're supposed to pay a separate membership fee to use the workspace, but nobody said anything so I guess whatever? I had bought a salad but I forgot it in my car and then never ended up eating it.

After that I had class, and as always I was astounded by how little endurance I have now and wondered where my youthful spright went. Was supposed to have a date after class but he kind of flaked and it didn't happen, so I ended up just eating my salad in my car and going home. Then I did my pushups, the rest of my night routine, and now I'm writing this out :D

So yeah! Not too eventful of a day, we'll see what happens with this guy who flaked on me. Tried to talk with him afterwards but case in point I just don't think it'll work out. And here I said I'd be focusing on myself this year. Tuh!

#mydiary

[hazy-siren]

9/6/23: Absolutely lovely blooms on campus

#flowers #light academia #summer #cottagecore #aesthetic #pink #pink tag #june #scotland #glasgow #academia #mydiary #diary

[youhearmystolenlullabies13]

Happy pride month!! 🏳️‍🌈

#pride #loveislove #mydiary #poetry #writing #emisue #hailee steinfeld

[iknowiamdead]

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

#girlblogging #girl blogging #mydiary #coquette #waif #core

[morisumm3r]

#bktherula #mydiary

[winkcore]

i decide my worth

#mydiary #shadow work

[tunsokyo]

MY DIARY #1

Recently, i’ve just watched a movie, it’s so funny and it called white chicks. As usual, i was surfing on netflix and i just noticed comedy list and i found that film. Actually, i think it is a good movie because it makes me laugh every i remember it. The film is about two cops was doing on duty and they have found the wrong guys and they were punished and almost were fired. In the scene, although they were so stressed and tired, they still stayed positive. Fortunely, they got a new mission which helped them out that protecting two rich blonde girls from kidnappers. On the way to come to the hotel, they have an accident which make that two blonde people get some scratch on nose and mouth. And then two guys are turned into that sisters to join in events, shopping with sisters’s friends,… and after that two cops finally worked out. Highly recommend you guys to watch this movie not only how funny and modern it is but also there are many valuable lessons you could learn from watching that. So, this is my first diary post to practice my english very well, i want to improve my english better so if i made some mistake or something, it was so normal. Hope you guys have a nice day, Byebye 🥰

#mydiary

[wannabe04]

this look is unmatched and i love it but i need to lose exactly 10kgs before i look like this instead of "large women wearing basic outfit"

#ana stuff #mydiary

[bluelunatender]

A list of rules I'm making for myself and will edit as I think of them:

1) If it is before 10am or after 10pm then I do not have to answer the phone or messages. I do not have to feel guilty about not reading or replying. If it is an emergency I will. Everything else can wait. Whoever wants to contact me will have a 12 window every day to do so. Everything else is my time. The mornings are my time. The nights are my time. The day time is for friends and family.

2) No electronics after 1:30am except audio books. Rest the eyes. Get to sleep before 2am. Wake up by 8-9am. Try not to sleep in until 10am anymore. Eventually maybe go to bed earlier as well.

3) Fasting between 7pm-11am again. I felt good doing intermittent fasting, so I'm going to pick that back up.

#myblog #myday #mydiary #myjournal #mythoughts #my life #master list #boundaries #setting boundaries #relationship #friends #family #social issues #social affairs #social media #rules #solitude #privacy #private

[antpernas]

2/6/23

Today was alright! Somewhat brief because it's past 1 AM and I need to knock out;

Didn't hit the gym, but I did wake up and get to work almost on time which was good! Monday meetings are always fun with the team jeje

Went to class, almost got there on time, had a little frita courtesy of my cousin for breakfast. Was a little overwhelmed thinking about all the shit I put off over the weekend but I took some deep breaths and started feeling a little better! Just need to recenter myself, as always

Went to study at the library (ran into Amber on the way jeje) and wait for my study group to come through, but both of them got busy and couldn't show. Still met up and chatted with one of them right before their class, though!

Moved my car, got some coffee and kept studying before my first math class. Promptly had my ass handed to me (as usual) in said math class

Went to the dining hall with some classmates to work on our take-home exam, found some solace in the fact that we're all pretty equally lost

Went to my second math class, found myself just as lost as usual. I did, however, answer two questions correctly! Otherwise, I just worked on my exam the whole period.

Skipped out on volleyball, came home and folded my laundry finally, chatted with Skyela, and then took a break for a little bit.

Got up eventually and did my pushups, shaved, did my skincare, and now am getting around to writing my journal!

Trying to really get my act together after last week. What a total mess! And I'm now finding myself crushing over a new boy. Ironically with the same name as Scorpio! Life is cruel!

In any case, though, today was good to decompress and recenter myself. I just need to keep reminding myself to FOCUS! Stay concentrated on what I want for myself and how I'm going to achieve that. And if things don't work out along the way, I just need to accept that and not beat myself up over the could've beens!

Kisses, I love you, good night :)

#mydiary

[hazy-siren]

11/3/23

It's windy and rainy, but isn't nearly as cold as it's been. One of my favorite cafes is closing today so I dropped everything to visit one last time

#diary #mypost #sweets #nature #flowers #march #food #drinks #scotland #mydiary #studyblr #grad school life