10:31 AM
3/5/2024
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Hey JB.
How’s it going? Mom said you’re coming home soon, and that you’re doing better. Happy early 18th. I guess it really is true what they say – they grow up so fast.
I miss you. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I’ve been worried about you. We all have. It’s not your fault, I just mean that we’re glad to see you doing okay.
I want you to know that
I was going to try to do the whole small-talk thing, but to be honest with you, I’m not sure where to start.
How’s the weather out there?
Guess I could just look it up.
Google says 34 and sunny. I hope you’re staying warm.
Can’t really ask about music, or TV, or movies, since Mom said you’ve basically been unplugged for a year.
What are you most looking forward to about coming home?
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Maybe it’s cheesy, but as your big brother, I’m contractually obligated to say this: I’m proud of you. Seriously. You’re way cooler than I was at your age. I know you said you feel like you’re coming out late, but hey – you figured things out earlier than I did.
Everyone here has been cool about it – and actually, I saw on Facebook the other day that Ethel Muggs (a friend from high school) is non-binary too. (By the way, Sweet Pea – do you remember him? Turns out he’s bi; he and Fangs have been dating for like 9 months now).
Mom is a surprisingly good PFLAG parent. The other day, she said “now our family can check off every letter in LGBT.” Another piece of information that I had to learn (so now you do, too): apparently she and Alice Cooper have a history. I kind of saw it coming, but still. Good for them, I guess?
I wish Dad was here to see you. I know I was nervous about it when I first came out to him, but he’s changed a lot. For real. He’d be really proud of you.
By the way, finally found a publisher for my book. It’s in stores now; I’m actually not doing too bad. I tried to send you a copy, but they returned it because it contained “violent themes.” I get their point, but it seems kinda pointless to censor violent content given what kind of treatment facility you’re in. Sorry, maybe that was too soon.
In other news (or lack thereof), I’m still in New York. I’m doing okay. I’m an adjunct professor, teaching introductory English, mostly, and supposedly working on my second novel.
It’s never gotten this bad before. Every word I write sounds like it hates the surrounding words in its sentence, and each sentence hates the paragraph it’s in, and so on and so forth. My therapist told me to try writing letters, that it might help me communicate my repressed feelings or whateve
Feels more like working on developing a debilitating case of writer’s block.
Honestly, I’m just afraid I might be out of material. Unless you’re really fucked up -- like, record-breaking -- you only get to exploit your childhood trauma for profit once. My first book was about Riverdale, and I pretty much said everything I had to say. I have no idea how to go about finding new material.
Enough about me. Mom said you’ve been writing poetry – I’d love to read it sometime. I could never quite get into the right headspace for poetry, but I really admire people who do. Who are some of your favorite poets? What do you write about?
Speaking of Mom, she’s doing okay, too. Dad’s medical bills put us through a rough patch, to put it lightly, and we’re still kind of picking up the pieces. I guess she’s probably keeping you updated on that when she visits you. I wish they’d allow siblings to visit, too.
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Are you still into Pink Floyd? (Or were you, before you went to the center, I mean?) I thought of you the other day when a song of theirs came on the radio – “Wish You Were Here”, I think.
I wish you were here, JB.
Take care of yourself.
-Jug
Love,
Jug
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