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#n some ppl might need a *gently used* coffin
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session 13
wow i’m really out of it tonight lmao uh some highlights bc these r rlly atrocious:
adam shit himself and vomited over the dwarf in our basement
fought some ppl n killed; gotta hide six bodies
pregame !
Jacob n dom r talking abt other dnd campaigns
Jacob rigged explosives somewhere
They need souls to open coffins or smth
I REALIZED MY MIC IS MUTED SO THEY CAN’T HEAR ME SING THE GOLDEN GIRLS THEME SONG THE WAY MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER DOES HAHAHAHHAHA
Thank you for being a friend
Bum bum bum bum
Travel round the world and back again
If the truth be told you’re a friend and a confidant
Etc
Jacob explaining his eye scratch
I’m just sitting here singing the golden girls theme song
Tunnel vision in smash
I’m just renegading while they talk smash
Jacob wants to home alone our house the next night we have
Immovable rod is abt 3ft long
Last time on dnd asyna heard a window break
Roll initiative
Aerana and theo roll 22
Asyna rolls 21
Adam 13
Cel 6
Asyna was waking everyone up
Halfling size ballista ? In our turret ? Maybe
Ooh trebuchet is an interesting sans font
Aerana is going first
Double dash downstairs
You hear stuff on the first floor making noise; you and theo get to the second floor about to go downstairs
Theo in master bedroom double dashes towards where I am
Asyna
In watchtower, asyna's gonna try and do stuff from above ? Maybe .
Proposes turning into a hummingbird
Spike growth ? Grows spikes
Also creates rough terrain
In front of the door
Oop they're speaking goblin
Goblins
2d4 damage for each 5 ft they move
Some of them were able to get inside the house but still slowed down
Adam
Will cast cantrip
Thaumaturgy to boom voice 3x louder than normal "WHO DARES ENTER MY HOUSE PLEASE LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS AND YOU WILL BE SPARED ,,, PLEASE"
Intimidation check
Lmao a 7
Entire house booms; everyone heard it but like effect?
Adam sleeps naked
Cel
Right in front of door to hall on second floor
Aerana
2 squares away from action at back of house
Theo
Also goes for pantry, same place generally as aerana
Asyna
Starts downstairs
Gonna turn into ape and try and make way down side of building as ape
Down p much by next turn
Goblins
Apparently being eaten up by spikes
Should I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm kinda craving
O shoot I gotta run soon for medicine
Adam
Dashing
This is just slow running in a dream
Cel
Base of stairs ?
Also heading towards pantry
Aerana
Bust in
Momentarily frozen
To the right next to basement hatch r two hulking figures covered in thick dark fur; kinda pointy ears, look kind of like goblins and v tall like easily 7ft
Big mauls
Bugbears
Can I fight?
23 to hit, 7 damage to closest one
The goblins trying to move the thing but not working well
Theo
I'M GONNA RUN TO GRAB MY MEDS
Slashes at the one aerana didn't hit lmao I rlly just did that I'm breathing
15 barely misses
Goblin blocks lillian's strike
Asyna
Srsly should I make a sandwich
On first floor outside
Bro my headache went to the other side of my head wtf
Gonna go through a window
Follows them in and attacks a bunch of them
Bro I kinda rlly want a sandwich
17 and 18 to hit, 6 and 4 damage ?? 10 damage ?? 10 damage for both ??
KILLS BOTH OF THEM N I C E
Bashes their heads together
I'm making a sandwich
"it's a very forceful kiss"
Third one readies self
Lashes out at asyna, misses
Goblins
R also gonna try and attack aerana and theo
12 damage to theo
I'm eating my sandwich
One of the middle ones is gonna go for asyna, hits, 5 damage
That was a good sandwich might get another one
Adam
Bro I kinda want another sandwich
Gets downstairs w max speed and peeks in, sees aerana and theo and two dead guys by window and two more living fighting an ape
Looks at theo
Bro again I kinda want another sandwich
Makes the one that hit theo make a wisdom saving throw
Did not make it, hideous laughter
Mans can't stop laughing, has to make wisdom saving throw each turn ig
Adam has to tell a joke
Comes down and looks at bugbear, locks eyes
Our party walks into a bar . But most of us walk under it
What
Is this a short joke ?
I don't get it yikes
Panicked dom laughing
Tells us to not hit the guy laughing; save him for last
Bonus action uses cutting words on the one aerana is fighting; "fuck you"
Cel
I still kinda want another sandwich
To clarify my sandwich was like half
I think yesterday or smth I like hit my foot lol and I did the thing where I compose myself rlly quickly to ignore the pain and up my pain tolerance and it left a mark but like it literally doesn't hurt so not saying I'm upping my pain tolerance but one day if I ever got like idk shot or smth I'm not gonna have a reaction
Cel hits the one that's doing better w a spell and then does shortbow 25 to hit, 12 damage
"how do you want to do this?"
Takes an arrow right through his brainstem and the arrowhead goes out his mouth
Aerana
Wasted insightful fighting, didn't hit
Scream of frustration that I missed
Theo
Takes bow and tries to hit, 13 misses
Asyna
Do I rlly still want another sandwich
Hm
Hits on one roll, 7 damage
Guy is barely alive
Goblins
One that tries to attack aerana misses, guy on ground is now up, guy attacking asyna hits, 11 damage
Adam
Cutting words on guy that just got up "oh you're finally awake"
"ever heard of the one where the guy got back up"
Goblin rolls nat20
Cel
22 to hit, 9 damage
Stabs him, hurts
Aerana
13
"next time remember it"
If an ally is within 5 ft of you you get sneak attack
If u have advantage
Don't need advantage if another enemy of the target is within 5 ft of it
Start over
When rogues have advantage, get to add sneak attack
Can add sneak attack when u don't have advantage if
One of allies is within 5 ft of you
And if u don't have disadvantage
Theo
Gonna try for the bow again
Going for the one asyna's fighting
8 damage
Guy is on last legs
Asyna
Kills
Fun fact apes have been known to rip off the faces of their enemies
Rips face off then gently puts him down
Still two goblins left
Goblins
Try and run
Attacks of opportunity from celandine, theo and aerana
Nat20 from cel
Theo and aerana miss
I've missed like every hit what is this
14 damage from cel
They're still able to get away
Asyna makes attack of opportunity
I still kinda want another saaaandwich
Neither hit
Adam
33 across board for both for sleep; both fall over and hit ground, asleep
Adam goes outside and looks if anyone is watching outside their window
Looks like one of our neighbors is at their window out of the apothecary
Uses infernal legacy to cast darkness, blocking their darkvision
Puts it between fallah's house and bodies
Then drag the bodies
Adam is kinda sweaty n exerted
Aerana is watching ot, asyna takes one body cel adam and theo take the other
Theo is rolling damage
Cel binds their feet first and adam prepares sleep
Theo rolls 13 damage and one dies, other 15 and also dies
Why is my eye glitching lmao
Maybe I still want a sandwich
What time do I need to be up tomorrow wait
Idk lmao
We've brought our bodies in, the night is ours
It's 10ish at night
Adam's gonna sleep in jeans
Adam was not naked in combat ?
Or maybe he was
Adam doesn't wear pajamas so he had pants
Sleeping downstairs shifts for the night
Adam takes first shift
Adam is sweating a lot, feeling a little odd; feels super weak and cold and feels a little sick like he might throw up
Constitution saving throw
"can I feel this coming and give myself bardic inspiration?"
"uh . Sure"
"hold it in hold it in hold it in"
Check to see if he can make it to the bathroom
"boi that's just nasty" adam wakes up someone ? Adam
Adam wakes theo up
"you must be real glad I'm wearing pants right now"
Rolls nat1
Adam vomits onto theo ? Vomits into theo's cloak
Adam becomes violently ill
The key eventually comes out the butt
A 4
Able to makes way down hatch towards bucket by ot
Vomits on ot
"ot is, like, weeping"
Adam is weakened
So adam shit and hurled
Adam stomps it down the drain ?
Next morning
Adam comes down with the key
Adam's exhaustion is cured after long rest
We're not talking to adam today
Adam sets key on table "did you wash that first" theo / adam slowly takes key back
Adam casts sleep on ot to kind of relieve him
Cel goes to jones, one of the goblins informs cel that jones is out ,,, just out
Cel can't find jones
Home alone-ing the house now ?
Aerana
House was in state of disrepair before
Spike spell tore up front of house, lots of windows knocked out from fireball explosion and were damaged during fight
Bad to a little bit worse
Theo 20 for investigation
Random ropes and bricks, nails, wooden planks
Intelligence check w advantage
19, sets up a few different traps; two swinging brick traps when a door is opened + simple nails stuck into plank so would hurt if someone stepped on it
Asyna 9 for investigation
Cel sees jones putting a bunch of keys into the lock
Jones can't find the key to open his door
Jones is maybe gonna get some stooges to remove the bodies
10 dragons
Henrietta is gonna dump em
Astigmatism lmao
Back at the manor
Adam is done cleaning
Ot asked if he could be set free, adam says "this is my fault, I got it buddy"
Adam is going to the apothecary down the street
Walks up to counter, fallah is there
"heyo what's poppin fallah"
Takes out potion of necrotic resistance
Adam says he bought it at sea ward, roll for deception; 12
Why am I sO LETHARGIC ALL THE TIME !!!
Offers adam 50 gold
Pushes for 60, 10 for persuasion check
Just takes it for 50
Fallah gives medicine, smells like oregano
Adam goes in for a hug, hesitates then retracts
Goes to bardic school to talk to master
Yava is there
12 insight check
Yava is usually v composed but today
Yava is an elf so is like bruh wdym u trust me after knowing me for like a month
Asks abt house security
Adam just straight up tells her he's in trouble w the xanathar guild and is asking for glyph of warning spells ?
Persuasion check, gives self bardic inspiration
11, yava agrees to help
She's willing to do it for free
Can cover 8 entrances to the house
"I'd b willing to do this but adam u must b more careful"
Adam tells her he's dealing w a large sum of money - half a million dragons
There was half a million dragons embezzled ?
Yava thought it was just a rumor
Adam is idiot
Adam asks yava if she wants in
Idiot
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