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#namjoon fanfic
suga-kookiemonster · 12 hours ago
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Happy Ho-lidays!
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Ho ho ho, could this be true? @floralseokjin @suga-kookiemonster @sugaurora @underthejoon @winetae @btssavedmylifeblr and @kpopfanfictrash with presents for you! Take some time to unwind, and sneak a peek at what's stuffing your stocking 😉
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Winter Solace by @floralseokjin
Pairing⇢ Kim Seokjin x Reader
Summary⇢ After a difficult few months (and years), a fresh start in a new city is both equal parts thrilling and terrifying, but you’re determined to make it work. It’s just you and your dog-sized cat Nox, ready to take on the world. Of course along the way there are ups, and there are downs. The main down being you’re short on cash after the big move, unable to spend Christmas with your family. The main up is your kind and thoughtful neighbour who offers to celebrate the holiday with you, despite not being a fan of it himself…
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This Christmas by @suga-kookiemonster
Pairing⇢ Min Yoongi x Reader
Summary⇢ it's been a while since you've been home for the holidays, but this year, you finally plan on rectifying that. things are going well for you—great job, great friends, and a new boyfriend who you have a pretty great feeling about—and it seems everything in your life is finally slotting into place. but, of course, the past is a relentless specter and the universe always has a way of humbling you. in a ridiculous twist of fate, you soon find yourself stuck in a car with the very reason you have avoided coming back in the first place.
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A Porn Star's Guide to the Holidays by @sugaurora
Pairing⇢ Jung Hoseok x Reader
Summary⇢ Jung Hoseok was your first love, a relationship that ended only because your post-high school dreams led you down two very different paths. Yours brought you to Jeon Jungkook, talent agent for some of the most well-loved adult entertainment actors of the era. And that’s how you became an industry darling, doing just about everything from outdoor gangbangs to golden showers and a long list of kinks in between.
Six years later and you’re ready to find a new path, celebrating your exit from the business with a massive holiday party at your home. Only your new neighbor gets an accidental invite and when he arrives you find yourself standing face-to-face with your high school sweetheart. Suddenly, you’re forced to confront where the years have taken you and feelings that may have never quite gone away.
What’s a former porn star to do?
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All Wrapped Up by @underthejoon
Pairing⇢ Kim Namjoon x Reader
Summary⇢ All is currently Merry and Bright in your very secret, very sexy little bubble with Namjoon. But with the holidays on the horizon and the annual friends trip to his family’s cabin fast approaching, the pressure to DTR is at an all time high. Will you meet Namjoon under the mistletoe and finally out your fling to your friends? Or will your case of cold feet ruin the good thing you’ve got going?
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ANTIFREEZE by @winetae
Pairing⇢ Park Jimin x Reader
Summary⇢ ‘Don’t sleep with your dance partners.’
For three years, Jimin has followed the above rule religiously. Who knew it would take a vengeful ex, a Christmas fundraiser, and a pair of torn tights for his resolve to crumble?
alternatively, Jimin participates in the school’s adaption of The Nutcracker for extra credit but doesn’t expect his new dance partner to a) be this bad at dancing and b) be this fucking cute
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A Christmas Carol in Itaewon by @btssavedmylifeblr
Pairing⇢ Kim Taehyung x Reader
Summary⇢ Finding yourself alone and far from home on Christmas Eve, you are haunted by three spirits. But the real ghost from your past is your childhood sweetheart turned famous actor, Kim Taehyung.
(Ft. Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon as the ghosts of christmas past, present, and future)
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A Holiday Snowdown by @kpopfanfictrash
Pairing⇢ Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Summary⇢ The Inn on the Hill is in trouble. Or that's what your boss, Namjoon, says during the last-minute All Staff holiday meeting he calls. You need money, and you need money fast, or his parents are planning to sell the resort. When no one can think of an easy solution, Namjoon proposes his parents' idea: a weeklong social media blitz with a celebrity guest. The celebrity? None other than Jeon Jungkook himself: two-time Olympic gold medalist, world-class snowboarder and the nation's sweetheart. What's the problem? You happen to have met Jeon Jungkook before, and sincerely hoped you'd never see him again.
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taeescript · a day ago
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I Promise (XIX)
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𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 >> Some people have the gifted ability of music; others of mathematics; some perhaps as persuasive argumentators. You have a “gift”, if one would like to call it that. It is the ability to know when somebody is telling a lie.
𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> hoseok x f!reader; namjoon x f!reader
𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 >> mafia!au; a love triangle (officially announced); mainly fluff and angst
𝔴/𝔠 >> 3.9k
𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> mentions of torture and blood
𝔞/𝔫 >> enjoy this chapter my friends! for those that celebrated thanksgiving this weekend, i hope you all had a really good one. i’m very thankful to be able to share this story with you! happy reading (: 
previous part || series masterlist || next part (coming soon)
You were fearful that every breath you took would be your last one. Your head lulled forward, and the cold water your body was submerged in shocks your body as it hit your chin. The man who had been guarding you the whole time (you had found out his name was Jay after Robert had shouted it multiple times) walked into the room where you were being held captive in.
Jay sighed as he heaved another bucket of ice into the large tub you were sitting in. In honesty, he was tired of this monotonous work. If not for the large amount of money that was promised at the end of this, he would have walked out. While his friends were out patrolling for Mr. Viktor, he had been stuck in here first lighting cigarette after cigarette and now pouring buckets upon buckets of ice into the cold bath. He didn’t understand why Mr. Viktor couldn’t see that nothing would cause this girl to talk. You might as well have been mute.
His hands met your cheek and slapped you awake. Some strange reason, Jay wanted you to be conscious and aware of when he poured new ice into the water. Not that it mattered, as your body was numb. The cold had taken over you; your toes had first begun to freeze and now the tip of your nose was turning blue. The only thing good that came out of this was that you could feel no pain whatsoever. In fact, you felt absolutely nothing. Nothing of the freezing water around you; nothing of the previous pain of burnt skin; nothing of the natural cramps; simply absolutely nothing at all.
You wondered how long Robert would keep doing this to you. At first, you had insisted that you did not know what Hong Jung Yee was doing, but quickly realizing that this answer would not satisfy Robert, you had settled for not bothering to speak at all. You needed to conserve the remaining energy. The thin thread of hope was being stretched but you knew you had to desperately hang on.
Robert stomped into the room. Jay was sitting off to the side while scrolling through his phone. He didn’t even bother to snap into attention when he heard Robert walking in. The room was empty except for the dirty bathtub he had found lying in the dumpster. After doing makeshift patchwork on the rusted holes, he had the two men guarding the doors bring it into the building. He then had you stripped, tied and put inside while ordering Jay to make sure the water was always filled with ice. He couldn’t afford a cold cell, but this was the closest thing he had. He pursed his lips when he saw that you were gazing forward at the wall. Eyes devoid of any light, he nevertheless thrilled at seeing you suffer in bare consciousness. Out of all the people he had toyed with, you had by far held out the longest. It was time for him to move onto the third stage.
“Jay, take her out of the water and dry her,” Robert threw him a cylindrical pocket.
Jay looked down at the wrapped package. “Boss, I don’t want to do that,” he shook his hands in front of him, “I don’t want to touch her.”
Robert rolled his eyes. It was not that he did not want to get his hands dirty. He would if he could, but his father had recently been extremely pushy on the progress he was making in New York. He had been on and off the phone with him. This had put him in a terrible mood.
Jay put his phone down and walked over to you. He rubbed his hands and huffed his warm breath on it. The second he dipped his hands into the water to pull you out, he was shocked. He had only been in charge of pouring the ice so he had a vague expectation of how cold the water was, but the reality of it was a thousand times worse than what he had imagined. He did not know how this girl had survived through it.
Your eyes told you that your body was being moved, but with the absence of the ability to sense another’s touch it was as if you were viewing a movie in first person. Things moved but you could not feel it being done to your body. A towel was used to rub your skin as you were unceremoniously pushed onto a chair. You stared expressionlessly ahead of you, praying for a miracle.
Jay had only started to wipe you down, but spots of red had already started to appear on the towel. Robert grimaced as he ripped open the a small package he had taken out of his pocket. He didn’t know how these things worked but he guessed that as long as he shoved it up some hole it would hold.
Your body started shivering. It may have been the fact that it was defrosting or perhaps due to the intense stress it had been under. You couldn’t stop it from happening and the loss of control over your own body sent a new wave of fear.
Robert held the tampon between his fingers in disgust. He snarled at it and threw it to the corner. You could suffer for all he cared. There was no need for him to be nice to you at all. He watched as the other bulky man threw a large t shirt over the woman’s shivering body and then Robert pushed him away.
“Y/N,” he sighed your name, “I’ve got good and bad news. Let’s start with the good.” He smacked his lips. There was nothing from you. It was like he was speaking to a half-clothed mannequin. “The good news is that I’m an extremely patient man. This game we’re playing? I could do it forever. I mean, I think you’ve figured that out when I said I have been watching you for a long time.”
He waved his hand and sent Jay out. The door closed with a resounding thud behind him and the two were left alone. “The bad news is that my father isn’t patient. Since he found out I’ve been holding you captive, he’s been calling me nonstop.” On cue, his phone rang. Robert took it out of his pocket, declined the call and turned it off.
“There, now we have no distractions. Back to what I was saying. My father’s not patient. He needs an update and if I don’t provide him with one soon,” he sighed again, “Let’s not do that, alright? With that being said, seems that neither heat nor ice has any effect so how about a different type of pain?” From the ground he picked up a double pronged fork.
“Have you heard of the Heretics Fork?” he asked you. He had stopped anticipating any type of response. “This device is strapped to your neck right between your breastbone and throat just under the chin. As the name suggests, it was used for heretics: the people who took the lord’s name in vain; blasphemers; liars.” As he had been speaking, he had attached the device to you.
“It may seem like this only pushes your head back but that’s the thing. With your head back, you’re unable to breathe or talk. The moment you try to shift into a comfortable spot, these prongs will pierce deep into your throat and chest. This little contraption is quite ingenious, don’t you think?”
Hearing him talk about it caused an unconditioned response. You tried to swallow but your neck was so far pushed back that the act was near impossible. Trying to adjust yourself, you could feel the fork scratch your skin and draw blood.
Robert continued speaking, “They don’t sell these anywhere. So you’re lucky to try this handmade contraption of mine. The purpose for the creation of this was that this instrument would keep people awake for days. They became sleep deprived and with sleep deprivation, the likelihood of a confession is higher.
I assume you’re quite tired from everything you’ve been through these past few hours. It’s a little past midnight right now so hang in there, Y/N. All you need to do is speak to me and you’ll have the opportunity to rest.”
In your mind, you laughed. Tired could not begin to describe what you felt. You closed your eyes so that you could concentrate on keeping your head tilted back. It wouldn’t matter what type of physical torture you had to endure. You had faith that he would decipher your message and come to save you.
............
   Each time Hoseok closed his eyes, he heard your scream. He saw the scars on your shoulders and recognized what made those marks. He had burned a man's skin once and he had regretted it after hearing him scream in agony. You had more than one red circle on your body. The pain that you would have had to endure under the hands of this unknown person.
He prayed that it would be morning already. It was then that he could perhaps get some answers to where you could be.
After much persuasion from Seokjin, Namjoon had returned to work. It wouldn’t do anybody anything good to have an extra person stressing out. Following the phone call from Hong Jung Yee, Seokjin additionally gave orders to each of them to find out where you could have been held captive. They had limited resources here in the foreign country but even those resources were better than nothing.
"Yoongi, can I have a copy of the video?" Hoseok asked the white-gray haired man beside him.
Yoongi momentarily took off his headphones and quizzically regarded Hoseok. "Seokjin told me to keep scanning the video for any types of clues. I'm running it through a program right now."
Hoseok sighed. "When it's finished, can I have a copy?"
"Seokjin said - "
"Namjoon has a copy."
"Well Y/N did sent it to him - "
"Yoongi, I don't care. I can't stand only sitting here beside you while waiting for my contacts to get back to me with something - if they have even found anything. I know you have your super program working on it, but it could miss something and I can't have that happening. Please, let me see it," he cried desperately.
Yoongi looked at Hoseok sadly. "Hyung, you really care about Y/N, don't you?"
Hoseok did not respond.
Yoongi turned to his laptop again. From his bag, he produced a black USB and plugged it into the laptop. "I've rendered it so it's in HD. There's a video file and an audio file, in case you... you want to watch it without any sound," he said. Two seconds later, he handed Hoseok the USB.
"Thank you," Hoseok held the USB like his life depended on it.
It had been seven hours since they had received the video file, but who knew how long you had been held captive. Nevertheless, even the seven hours they have known about was too long.
Hoseok retreated back into his empty room. One side had nicely folded up sheets and everything had been tucked into a tidy corner. On the other half, clothes were flung in every direction with mismatching shoes half tucked into their opened boxes. Hoseok walked to his bed and picked up his laptop then proceeded to the other bed which was void of any mess. It wasn’t like Namjoon would mind.
Although this was not the first time he had watched this, the previous instances did not condition him to any of the emotions he still felt. He was grateful that Yoongi had given him the option of watching the video without audio.
New York had eleven active piers. He had his sparse contacts going through the property owned in the area. However, he could not discount any of the inactive piers as he doubted that whoever kidnapped you would bring you to an active one anyways. That increased the number they had to search significantly. Each minute that passed as he was sitting on the soft bed reminded him that you were not as fortunate as he was. He was never a religious man but during his time of desperation, he sent a prayer that you would be found soon.
At five in the morning with bloodshot eyes, Hoseok finally closed his laptop. He had scanned through the video more times that he could remember, and he could basically memorize each frame of the video. About two hours earlier, he had taken a peek out his room and he saw that Yoongi had gone to sleep while letting his laptop run. He had snuck out and had been able to amateurly navigate through the program on Yoongi’s laptop but found that the program yielded similar results as him.  
Hoseok lay down on the bed and rested his head on the pillow. He let the video play again in the background while he closed his eyes. He envisioned a healthy you standing before him with a rare smile. To him, the rarity of such a sight brought the same joy as a gemologist seeing a perfectly cut diamond.
“Hyung,” the world shook. “Hyung, wake up,” a voice urged him.
Hoseok struggled but opened his eyes and saw Jimin peering over him. A quick glance above his doorway told him he had only been sleeping for two hours. “He’s here,” Jimin said.
The two words caused all the tiredness in his bones to be swept away. He pushed himself away, grabbed a hat to cover the mess of his hair and followed Yoongi out of his room.
It may have been early in the morning, but Hong Jung Yee never failed to impress with his bright colours and flashy attire. When Hoseok saw him, he was dressed in a velvet dark blue suit cuffed in black. Daniel was ever-present standing near him and the two exchanged a look before Hoseok turned his attention to his boss who was sitting across from Seokjin at the table. Hoseok joined the rest of the members who were standing behind their leader.
“Did I miss anything?” Hoseok whispered to Yoongi who he was standing beside.
“He only arrived a couple minutes ago. I had Jimin wake you up as soon as I found out,” Yoongi told him. He had the same blood shot eyes as Hoseok.
When Seokjin had ended his call with Hong Jung Yee yesterday, he had told them,
“Hong Jung Yee is coming.”
The members were baffled.
“Coming, what do you mean?” Yoongi asked.
Seokjin rubbed his temples. “I’m not too sure. He says he needs to look into something first. But he will be here tomorrow.”
Taehyung nervously plays with his fingers. “We’ve never met him like this. It’s always been business meetings and formal interactions,” he said quietly.
All Seokjin could do was sigh.
“You don’t think he’s the one who took Y/N, do you?” Jungkook openly voiced out his opinion.
Seokjin shook his head. “No, I don’t think he will. He has no motive. I think all we can do now is to trust him. Hopefully he’ll be bringing answers with him tomorrow.”
Nobody else could refute his decision.
To Hoseok, there would never be a soul in the world he could trust. His members, yes, to some extent. But fully trust? There was nobody but himself.
Hoseok looked around and noticed that there was still one person missing. “Namjoon said he went to meet somebody he thinks could help us with finding Y/N. He returned home minutes before Hong Jung Yee arrived,” Yoongi said.
He was about to ask Yoongi who that would be when Hong Jung Yee finally spoke.
“I’m sorry to barge in like this,” he started, “I needed to confirm something before I could meet with you.”
Seokjin shook his head and refuted his apology as courtesy. “Did you get what you had wanted?”
Hong Jung Yee nodded. “In some sorts. I only have a hypothesis, but I have no evidence and only my speculation.” At his words, Daniel stepped up and presented a file. When Hong Jung Yee opened it, photos spilled out. They were all taken of the same old man.
“Who is this?” Seokjin asked.
“Antonio Viktor,” Hong Jung Yee said, “Robert’s father.”
Seokjin furrowed his brows. “I don’t understand.”
Hong Jung Yee sighed. “I admit, I was not fully honest with all of you. I still am wary of your true intentions although you claim to be helping me, but I know that is largely due to the nature of our work. However, seeing as how Y/N is missing, I feel it no longer necessary that I hide anything from you.”
The members of BTS looked at him expectantly.
“Antonia Viktor is not as simple as just a client that I’ve been wanting to work with. He’s an old rival of Ryukwan’s or as you would call him, The Boss. The reason I’ve targeted him is because he is someone the NYPD have had their eyes on and additionally, I know that Ryukwan would be interested in. As you know, I was supposed to fly out with the young Robert to meet with his father yesterday but at the last minute he canceled. He said that his father was in an emergency state, and he needed to fly out immediately to meet with him. My source tells me that indeed, a Robert John Viktor flew out in the afternoon of yesterday. The strange thing is that when I met with an acquaintance this morning, he showed me these pictures,” Hong Jung Yee moved the photographs closer for the members to see, “These were taken just yesterday and correct me if I’m wrong, but Antonio Viktor looks healthy to me.”
Indeed, the older man seemed perfectly fine. Although there was no movement shown in the photos themselves, Antonio did not look sick nor in any state of emergency.
“So what is it that you’re insinuating?” Seokjin asked, “That the Viktors had something to do with this?”
Hong Jung Yee shrugged. “I only find it strange that what they are telling me doesn’t seem to be what is shown in reality. I know Y/N is someone who is important to all of you and she is also a valuable asset to me. I want to find her as much as you do.”
Hoseok was starting to get annoyed. He had thought that when Hong Jung Yee appeared, he would bring with him many more answers. So far, they only got a speculation that Robert Viktor had something to do with this. It was nothing that he could not have guessed himself. Paired with his fatigue, this caused him to burst out, “Do you have anything that we do not know? Or does your status in this city hold absolutely no power?”
This earned him a hard stare from Seokjin, but Hoseok ignored it. If Hong Jung Yee was useless, he wanted to return to the only thing they had of you which was the video.
“I have something to offer. But before I can show this to you, I have a request that I want you all to uphold,” Hong Jung Yee said. Seokjin gave him the go to speak. “If this does turn out to be the doing of Robert Viktor, I still want to work with them. I want you all to put this situation aside and continue our plan to lure out Ryukwan.”
Hoseok laughed when he heard this. Even Seokjin could be seen visibly clenching his fist and his lips were a stiff line.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. If this was any of your men, you would have cut all ties with the Viktors immediately,” Hoseok expelled.
Hong Jung Yee shook his head in return. “If it were any of my men, I would have done nothing. What is one small sacrifice in the good of a bigger plan? If I lose one of my men and I can catch Ryukwan then that is the price that I am willing to pay. It is because of our amicable relationship that since Y/N is not one of my men but yours that I offer my aide in searching for her.”
Seokjin said quietly, “Why do you hate Ryukwan so much?”
“His capture is the only mission I was given. All the time he has eluded me has cost me everything important in my life: my wife, my family. I am willing to do anything to accomplish my mission so I can return home.”
“We have known each other for months now and every time I see you, Daniel has never failed to not be at your side. Is Daniel not your family? If he were to be taken away from you, would you really not fight for him?”
The older man’s eyes became guarded. He did not answer.
Seokjin continued to speak. “I’m only saying: there are many things you have been telling us that you are willing to do for the sake of your mission, but when the times comes, will you really be willing to do what you claim?”
“I will,” Hong Jung Yee stated, “Now will you do anything to save a member of your family?” 
“Yes,” was Seokjin’s simple answer for the group. At his response, Daniel produced a small black device.
“Seeing as how none of you are reacting to this, I’m assuming that Y/N never told you,” Hong Jung Yee said. At the silence he was receiving, he turned on the device and it booted up.
Yoongi peered over and stated, “A tracking device.”
“Correct. It doesn’t tell much, but I do know that the person this device is tracking is within the country. It also tells me the area they are in to about a 150km radius of the subject.”
“So who is it tracking?”
“Y/N. The first time I met her, I inserted a tracking chip into her arm. Fortunately, it has come into use right now.”
Seokjin’s smile did not soften at the news. “What does your device tell us?”
“Within the city. Like I said, it gives me a big area to work with.”
“Are there any piers around the area?”
“Why is that important?”
“ ‘Pier’ was the single word that she sent to us. We assumed that it must be where she is being kept,” Taehyung said.
“I haven’t checked. Unfortunately, this is the extent of help I am able to provide. If the information given to me this morning is indeed accurate, I am on the way to meet with Robert Senior,” Hong Jung Yee said to excuse himself.
Nobody stopped him when he took his steps to leave their house. Before going, he turned one last time towards Seokjin, “You all remember what you have said in today. When the truth is revealed, we will still continue with our plan.”
Seokjin stood to meet his words. “I am a man of my words. We will see this through to the end with you.”
Hong Jung Yee bowed his head once to them before leaving.
.................
𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 (open):  @scuzmunkie​​​​ , @blimpintime​​​​, @thisisn0tal0vest0ry​​​​, @cuteipat​​​
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moonchild1 · a month ago
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 kim namjoon fic rec list (Ⅰ)
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here's a list of my favourite namjoon fics, please show lots of love and support to these wonderful authors and their blogs, some of these fics contain smut so no minors allowed ♡
a- angst s- smut f- fluff ❣- ultimate favourite
july kiss by @personasintro f s (dilf namjoon idiots to lovers au) ❣
prohibido by @personasintro f s a (brother's best friend au) ❣
fool for you by @cutechim s a (rebound au hospital au unrequited love au)
try again by @bangtanfancamp f s (roommate au best friend to lovers au)
it's december (and I still want) by @smoochkooks f s a (ex husband au)
more than anything else by @seokkgenie f s a (CEO au)
there was a bug @kimnjss f s a (roommate au best friend to lovers au) ❣
nothing like us by @jiminimoon s a (ex boyfriend namjoon) ft. fuck boy jungkook ❣
the rich man's crochet club by @kpopfanfictrash s (virgin au college au) ❣
spilling coffee by @bts-roses f a (idol au intern reader)
dizzy by @joonessence f s (friends to lovers au) ❣
promise by @joheun-saram f s a (college au roommate au enemies to friends to lovers au) ❣
to make a power couple by @joheunsaram f s a (idol au ceo reader) ❣
daisies and dinosaurs by @dark-muse-iris f s a (single father au)
intro: her by @jamaisjoons f s a (single dad au strangers to friends to lovers au) ❣
a sight for sore eyes by @siderealmyg f s (established relationship au)
good to me by @httpjeon f s a (dating service au)
what are friends for by @kookdiaries s (best friends au friends to lovers au)
out of my league by @ppersonna f s a (office au) ❣
promises by @jeonsweetheart f s a (marriage au infidelity au idol au) ❣
the bodyguard by @rmnamjoons f s a (bodyguard au fake dating/marriage au) ❣
the father, the son and the holy whore by @taesinferno s (dilf namjoon infidelity au) ❣
nice guys finish last by @ktheist f s a (arranged marriage au) ft. Ex fiance Yoongi
cyanide on my bedsheets by @jimilter s a (friends with benefits au unrequited love) ❣
partners by @btssmutgalore s a (friends to lovers au slow burn) ❣
dimples by @sweetmisery f s (idol au friends with benefits friends to lovers au) ❣
after rain by @rmverse​ f s a (patient namjoon patient reader)
once upon an us by @yoonia​ f s a (inspired by the movie sweet home alabama past lovers au exes to lovers au established relationship) ❣
bothered by @lavienjin f s a (brother's best friend)
sincerely, but no longer yours by @ttttaehyungie s a (exes au) ❣
lavender honey by @oftenderweapons f s a (chaebol au friends to friends with benefits to enemies to lovers au)
2AM by @xpeachesncream f s (college au) ❣
black swan by @helenazbmrskai s a (co-workers to friends to lovers tattoo artist joon) ❣
love is blind by @helenazbmrskai f s a (best friends brother au college au enemies to lovers au) ❣
ramen? by @solarwonux f s ❣
only a lifetime by @dopejk f s (dilf joon marriage au pregnancy au) ❣
emerald by @dewykth s a (bodyguard au)
love bytes by @stutterfly f s a (friends to lovers au slow burn)
spice by @breakiebunny f s a (enemies to lovers au chef joon)
new parent syndrome by @1kook f s (dilf joon husband au parents au) ❣
the perfect date by @suhdays f s (established relationship au)
flower cloud by @suhdays f a (soulmate au friends to lovers au college au)
hammer it home by @gukslut f s a (domestic au) ft. Jimin ❣
nailed it by @gukslut f s (hammer it home couple) ft. Jimin ❣
feels like home by @gukslut f s (hammer it home couple) ❣
a wrench in the plan by @gukslut f s (hammer it home couple) ❣
totally screwed by @gukslut f s (hammer it home couple) ❣
obligated by @underthejoon s (arranged marriage au) ❣
bass and strings by @jimlingss f (slow burn au slice of life college au music au)
letting go by @bangtan-babe f a (doctor au) ft. Jimin
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minyfic · 2 months ago
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docile - KNJ | M
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↣ much to your chagrin, your friend set you up on a date with Kim Namjoon, despite you telling her that he isn’t your type. He’s too sweet. You decide to humor her, and things take a wild turn.
𓃰 part of the zookeeper bangtan series 𓃱
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pairing: zookeeper!namjoon x reader
genre: fluff, smut, slight angst, s2l
word count: 6.4K
warnings/tags: strong language, joon takes care of the elephants and giraffes, aw, dom!Namjoon, brat!reader, Y/N has a big 🍑 and is very short, explicit smut- dirty talk, degradation, size kink, edging, spanking, pussy slapping, overstimulation, oral (f & m), clit pinching, clit biting, throat fucking, hickeys, biting, scratching, standing sex?, multiple orgasms, protected sex
a/n: your best friend is unnamed in the fic, so you could think of your own bff, and if you don’t have one, stop lying, I’m your best friend.
You’re scanning the area, arms folded, tapping your foot impatiently, annoyed.
She was supposed to be here an hour ago and when you receive a text from her, stating that she wouldn’t be able to make it, you curse, loudly, causing the few pigeons, who were picking at the crumbs you had thrown across the panels earlier, to scurry.
This was her plan all along, you had a gut feeling as soon as she had mentioned that she wanted to visit the zoo again. Who wants to visit the zoo twice in one month?
And she has the nerve to tell you to continue with your exploring, to take a stroll through Road R. Road R. The large mammals’ enclosure, more like a forest with the way it’s set up and sectioned off.
Let’s not forget who you would inevitably run into on your stroll. Kim Namjoon. The guy your best friend has been trying to set you up with ever since your first visit here.
He was sweet, but your conversation was brief due to the fact that the rain interrupted your conversation and he had to take off to prepare for the downpour. On your ride home, you had mentioned that he was attractive, and she ran with it.
That’s why you’re on your way to Road R, knowing that she wouldn’t let you get a moment of peace if you don’t follow through with her scheme.
You’ve always appreciated the fact that this zoo takes the full representation of wildlife to another level, the sandy path as you make your way around the corner, the acacia and baobab that populate the grassy lands which is out of your pathway. And then the gate, the huge wooden gate that is much sturdier than one would think.
“Hey.”
You spin around, small smile gracing your features when you take in the sight of Namjoon, shuffling over to you.
“Hi,” you adjust the white baseball cap on your head, tightening your ponytail as he leads you further toward the gate.
“You’re alone today?”
You nod, adding a small ‘yes’ when you realize that he can’t see your movement, he’s too busy untangling the chain that’s winded around the handle as extra precaution.
“And you came here first,” he faces you, palm out, dimpled smile forcing his eyes to shut.
“Oh,” you reach into your jeans pocket to produce the ticket.
He retrieves a stamp in the shape of an elephant’s foot, that’s what you think it is, and stamps one of the blocks on the back of your ticket, handing it to you with another charming smile and ushering you through the enclosure.
It’s not what you expected. What did you expect? To be greeted by a herd of elephants or giraffes as soon as you entered.
There’s a chain link enclosure to your right, that’s where you’re headed.
You’re nervous and you have no idea why. And when you’re nervous, you tend to fill the unsettling silence with small talk.
“Not so busy today.”
“Yeah,” he speaks from behind a small shack, out of your view, “on Friday afternoons we aren’t that busy. Mostly because everyone prefers the weekend to unwind and visit.”
You wrap your arms around your waist, eyes drifting to the large trees and vines that twine above you, white sunlight poking through the gaps. It’s unusually chilly today, and you should’ve worn a jacket.
Too lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the muscular man standing in front of you with a large ball tucked under his arm, goofy smile in place.
“You’re lucky, Kwangsu is in a good mood today.”
Your eyebrows crease at the unfamiliar name, “Kwangsu?”
“Yep, the last time you visited you mentioned that you wanted to play with the baby elephant.”
He lets the ball thud to the ground, jogging around the enclosure to disappear behind the large baobab tree ahead of you.
You can’t help but coo when the little elephant you’ve seen behind the fence the last time you visited runs in step with Namjoon, slipping on a patch of grass only to get back up and follow him into the smaller enclosure, ears flapping wildly.
“Come,” with a wave of his hand, Namjoon calls out for you to approach the baby that wriggles and twists in his hold.
Your face is contorted into a permanent ‘aww’ as Kwangsu, you assume, squirms onto Namjoon’s lap, giggling when his little tail swats Namjoon in the face.
“Do you mind getting your clothes dirty?”
Glancing at your jeans and black jumper, you shake your head, speaking around your laugh.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well then,” he throws his arms over Kwangsu’s wrinkly back, gesturing for you sit down in a similar position.
He chuckles, patting the baby’s head with loud thumps, “you’re being very naughty today. Come on! Up! Up!”
The elephant wears something like a smile, and you can almost sense the mirth that fills his dark eyes as he rolls over to where you’re sitting with your legs out, back in a straight line.
“Now be careful, he’s a cuddler.”
You hold out your arms, “I love cud-“
The weight that’s set on your thighs steals your breath away, hind legs kneading your flesh as the baby sets their feet on your shoulders, messing up your hair and knocking off your cap when he twists around and sprawls over your lap, breathless chuckles spilling from your lips as he rests his head against your chest.
“He’s so cute!”
Namjoon pats Kwangsu’s head when you fall back on the ground, eyes prickling with tears from how hard you’re laughing. The scent that fills your nostrils is earthy.
“He thinks you’re cute too!”
As if to support Namjoon’s statement, the friendly animal curls his stout trunk around your head, temporarily blinding you.
In a second, you’re being hoisted off the ground by Namjoon’s grip on your arm, almost dizzy from your fit of laughter, tugging on the hem of your jumper. You aren’t even the slightest bit self-conscious that your clothes had ridden up, Kwangsu is just too adorable.
He runs in a circle and when Namjoon rolls the large ball in his direction, he places his front legs on the surface and folds his trunk to touch the space between his eyes.
Namjoon laughs, grabbing a bottle of water with a nipple at the top, “now you’re just showing off for the pretty girl.”
Your eyes flit to Namjoon as he bends down to feed Kwangsu, still wearing the same amiable expression.
You’re more than glad that you two are the only ones here, you would’ve been a bit embarrassed if anyone witnessed your laughing fit as you were being cuddled, your clothes are a mess too.
You clear your throat, still a bit unstable after all that giggling.
“Do you give him a bath?”
“Yep, he loves baths. Once a week.”
Kwangsu sits between Namjoon’s legs, bumping his calves as he munches on the hay that’s placed in front of him.
“He’s so cute.”
You find yourself say again, unable to tear your gaze away from the little lump, feeding himself expertly yet still a little clumsy.
“Mom and dad are having some alone time now,” he smooths his palm down the center of the elephant’s back, speaking with a higher pitched tone that you find oddly endearing, “we’ll see them in a bit, once this guy’s done with his meal.”
You nod when you realize that he was talking to you, so immersed in the way his hand ruffles the hairs that’s spread across the elephant’s skin.
“How much does he eat?”
He shakes his head, “a lot. But he mostly relies on mommy’s milk.”
That makes you coo even more, this is the first time you’ve interacted so closely with a baby from another species, you’d remember this day for the rest of your life and it’s also giving you major baby fever.
“Time to go, kid. Up!”
With a pat to Kwangsu’s head, waving vigorously, you watch Namjoon cart Kwangsu in the same direction that he entered from.
You take the time to explore the area, discovering a bush that’s covered in berries the further you walk. The serenity and quiet makes you feel like you’re in a different world, and you think that you should consider booking a night in the camping area here at the zoo.
“Ready?”
Namjoon’s carrying a bag filled with carrots, guiding you around the fence.
“I would take you in, but the mud wallows don’t make for an easy tour,” he smiles, sneakers crunching on the sand as you walk side by side.
“That’s okay,” you shoot him a smile of your own. On your last trip here, you didn’t have enough time to visit Road R, mostly because there was so much to see and then the weather wasn’t in your favor.
Your eyes widen when you take in the size of the large mammal just on the other side of the fence.
“This is Kwangsu’s mom,” he informs, handing you a carrot, “I already fed her but you can try.”
A bit apprehensive, you stand on your tippy toes, but you’re still unable to reach into the fence.
“This is what I’ve been saying to management. Some kids visit, and they can’t reach to feed them.”
You huff, arms swinging back and forth at your sides in annoyance, “I can’t reach.”
Setting the bag of carrots down, he walks toward you, eyes flickering to your waist, “would you mind?”
When you agree to him lifting you up so you can feed the majestic giant, you only realize how long it’s been since you were held like this after his palms curl around your waist, a husky chuckle brushing your ear when he puts you down.
“You’re so tiny.”
You gulp, gazes locking for a few seconds before he’s backing away and picking up the bag of carrots again to feed Ahin, you read on the tag stuck to the fence, with ease.
After ten minutes of silence, bag empty, you yelp when she grabs your cap with her trunk, eyes wide in awe when she holds it on her head, as if she’s the one wearing it.
“That’s exactly why I don’t wear caps to work!”
“Wow, she’s so clever,” you peer into her eyes, blinking back at you with a timeless wisdom that seems to hold so much emotion. You remember reading once that elephants have the largest brains among the animals on land, which are similar to humans.
In a moment, you’re stunned into silence when she sets it back on your head, trunk retreating into the enclosure.
“Let’s move on. Bye Ahin!”
“Bye~”
You can already see the long necks protruding from the fence, mouths buried in the trees as they chew with circular motions.
“I already fed these guys.”
Almost forgetting that Namjoon is standing beside you, you’re transfixed on the way their long tongues stick out to reach the leaves higher up.
“Giraffes are literally the easiest to take care off and we let them graze with the elephants.”
“That’s nice. Allowing them to coexist like they would in the wild.”
He rubs his chin, black button up shirt hugging his arms, “I wish we had more of them though.”
You hum, getting distracted by the trees once again.
“Hey uhm…”
He rubs the back of his neck, his nervousness radiates off of him and you’re just as anxious when he struggles to complete his sentence.
“I’m…Can we meet up tomorrow evening at 8? Or whatever works for you?”
Your eyebrows furrow, “meet up?”
His blinding smile returns, “yeah. I know we were supposed to head out together after I was done here but I really need to take a shower.”
“Head out…together?”
Your mind is running, you’re puzzled. Why would he think that- Oh. Oh, you’re going to kill her.
“Yeah? Is 8 fine?”
You nod, wanting to go home and call your best friend or head to her place and beat the shit out of her.
“Alright, I’ll text you the details.”
Silence falls over the both of you before he’s laughing again, the sound irks you even more.
“I don’t have your number.”
“Right right,” you pull out your phone from your pocket and tap on the contacts app.
After exchanging numbers, he walks you out of the enclosure and you sprint to your car.
Glancing around to make sure he didn’t follow you into the parking lot, you dial up your friend’s number and tap the steering wheel, groaning when she doesn’t answer after the fourth ring. Just as you’re about to cut the call and try again, she picks up, and you can imagine the smug grin she’s sporting.
“Heyyyy.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Woah woah. Chill! What is up with you?”
You roll your eyes, refusing to retell today’s events because she probably had it all planned out and she already knows.
“Stop being a goon! What happened?”
“You set me up on not one, but two dates with this guy!”
“Hey the first one was unplanned but the second one however…”
“How could you do that?!”
You hear her monotone laugh filter through the speakers.
“Do what?! I’m just looking out for a sis and besides, you need to clear out the cobwebs in your coochie.”
You gasp, “there are no cobwebs!”
“Please. We both know that you need to get laid. You’re becoming like my 67-year-old grandmother who – by the way – gets more action that you!”
You switch your tone, unable to fight the whine in your voice, “but you know that he isn’t my type. Why would you put me in this situation?”
“Would you just…stop? He’s sweet and intelligent, the complete opposite of the assholes you dated in the past. Would you at least give him a chance and stop acting like I made you join a satanic cult or something?!”
Groaning, you shake your head, deciding to endure a few more hours with him.
“Fine.”
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A part of you is disappointed that he showed up on time, that he showed up. After giving it some thought, you realized that it wouldn’t hurt to go on this one date with him. It’s not like things would go any further than chatting and sharing harmless information about yourselves and you know that you’re wearing your favorite lingerie for no reason. You have no idea where your friend picked up that he might be the one to break your dry spell.
Guys like Kim Namjoon aren’t meant for women like you. They’re the type to have a set routine and protocol for every aspect of their lives and dare they stray from it, it was only because of the circumstances, because they were forced to. They’re the type to apologize for asking you to move out of their way, the type to ask before taking. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just not your type.
You don’t expect him to hug you tonight, let alone rock your shit.
“Hey, did you order?”
“Yeah,” you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, not knowing where to begin with your mindless chatter.
“Alright,” he waves over the waitress, ordering steak and a drink. You take his distractedness as an opening to survey his outfit. Black t-shirt that stretches across his chest and black shorts.
You might have overdressed for the occasion.
“So,” he grabs the seat of his chair to tug it closer to the table, eyes darting to your sparkly white blouse, “you look…pretty.”
Sexy was what you were looking for, but you’ll accept it.
“Thanks.”
“How did you get here? Will you need a ride home?”
Ah, of course he’ll ask that question.
“A friend dropped me off and yes, I might need to catch a ride with you.”
“That’s not a problem.”
“Thank you.”
When your meals arrive, the only sound that fills the air is the clanking of your forks and knives and the laughter from the people around you. The dimly lit restaurant is supposed to set a romantic tone for your date, but you feel like you’re in a business meeting with the seriousness that floats between the two of you.
“So,” you begin, eyes flitting up to meet his wide ones, mouth stuffed with meat, “when did you start working at the zoo?”
He holds up a finger, swallowing, then dabbing his mouth with a tissue, laughing sheepishly before he speaks.
“Eight years ago. Two years after it opened.”
“Wow,” you slot your fingers together on your lap, leaning back against your chair, “that’s a long time.”
He grins, “yeah. Most of it wasn’t built at the time and the animals were forced to live in confined spaces. It was terrible.”
“Really?”
Your voice is laced with genuine concern, mind wandering to the large animals and the stress it must’ve put on them.
“Yeah. But Seokjin worked hard to ensure that the animals are living comfortably. We get a lot of people who come to the zoo just to say that these animals rather be dead than live in a space that’s nothing compared to their natural habitat.”
“That’s horrible. These animals are honestly better off in a controlled environment where they’re promised food and water every day. As much as they need. Rather than being unsafe, out in the wild with their species being hunted down.”
He holds his chin, elbow propped up on the table, “exactly! Exactly.”
You think you see an unfamiliar glint in his eyes, but it might be the lighting.
“Where do you work?”
“Oh,” you place your arms on the table, swirling the straw in your drink, “I’m a sales manager.”
“That’s interesting.”
You smile, “not as interesting as your job.”
He laughs, deep and rich, “it has its pros and cons.”
Silence settles once again but it isn’t uncomfortable, you can tell that he’s searching for something to say as much as you are.
“You-“
“What-“
You chuckle, “go on.”
He shakes his head, holding up his palms, “please continue.”
You take a sip from your drink and lick your lips, “what do you do for fun?”
“Hmmm,” he tips his head back, staring up at the ceiling while you get a glimpse of the moles on his neck. Tiny moles get you weak, and you have no idea when you started to develop that fetish.
“I like to visit museums, mountain climbing, cycling. Mostly outdoorsy kinda stuff.”
“That’s fun. I’m kind of the same. I was actually thinking of booking a night at the campsite.”
“The experience is unlike any other. The different sounds from the birds throughout the night and then in the morning. And sometimes you can hear the lions. It’s amazing.”
“The lions?”
Your eyes bulge out, remembering how frightened you were when you visited Road Y.
“No no. Everything is closed up, don’t worry. We take extra care when it comes to the campsite but like, from afar, you can hear them.”
“Oh,” you take a breath of relief, seeing him laugh at your reaction.
His eyes dart across the table and he grabs the tiny butter container, cradling it in his palms.
“This is so cute. Aww.”
You’re not surprised at his sudden outburst, but over a tiny butter dish?
“You’ve never seen one of these before?”
He sticks out his bottom lip, “no.”
You giggle, grabbing the other one and poking at it. It is cute.
With a few more rubs over the foil packaging, he sets it down on the table, meeting your gaze.
“I like small and cute things.”
Something about the gruffness in his voice, and his words sends a shiver down the length of your spine.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he replies, eyes still glued to yours and the air seems to shift because the next bite he takes of the steak has you folding one leg over the other.
Despite your disapproval, you didn’t forget that he called you pretty and his firm hold on your waist when he said that you were tiny.
“What else do you want to know about me?”
You’re broken out of your daydream, if you spent a second longer staring at his biceps you would’ve drooled all over this table.
“What do you want to know about me?”
He cocks an eyebrow, “I asked first.”
You level his stare, boobs pressing against the table as you lean forward, “and I asked second.”
The twitch in his jaw causes a thrill to shoot through your body. The look in his eyes isn’t the lighting, you know that for sure.
The way he slumps in his chair gives you the idea that he tried his best to let it go.
“I want to know…What do you like the most about yourself?”
You sip your drink leisurely as you think of your response, knowing that your answer might have the power to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“I’d say I like my passion, my drive to do my best in whatever task is hand. I’m a pretty good friend, my generosity.”
He nods, looking at his right hand that’s spread on the table.
“And I have a nice ass. So, that too.”
Just like that, you know that his soft boy persona is something that’s only meant for the daytime. His eyes flicker up to yours, sucking his lower lip into his mouth.
“Your ass?”
“Yeah,” you shrug, feigning nonchalance as you dig into the ice that’s melting at the bottom of your cup.
“Anyway, wh-“
“I think you have a great ass.”
He’s closer now, both palms resting on the table, pecs pressing into the side.
“Thanks,” you keep your eyes on the glass, “I know.”
The deep sigh he lets out makes you smile in satisfaction, hidden by the strands of your hair.
“What do you like the most about yourself?”
You throw his question back at him, and his answer comes tumbling out.
“I like my patience, my ability to work under pressure, my compassion. I like my height.”
You jolt when he tucks your hair behind your ear, providing a clear view of his face as he continues.
“I like my hands, and my built. And maybe…other things.”
“What other things?”
You watch the smirk grow on his face, wondering how you went from bored to straight up horny for this guy. It must be his handsome features, or the way he clenches his jaw or the fact that he’s a giant next to you. His pretty fingers that seem proficient in things you would appreciate. The way his t-shirt seems a little too tight for him.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I would,” you don’t forget the teasing lilt in your voice, seeing his chest rise and fall with his steady breaths.
“Maybe,” he whispers, beckoning you to lean in closer with his index finger, “maybe if things go my way, you’d find out.”
“Your way?”
He nods, gaze locking on your lips, “my way.”
Abruptly, he shifts back in his chair, and you hate the winded feeling you’re getting from his cologne, his hot breath that fanned across your face.
You want this man. But you want to push him to see how much he can take.
“Or my way.”
He tilts his head to stare at you, biceps bulging as he folds his arms, “your way?”
“Mhmm, so anyway, I’m done with my meal. Are you done?”
You point to his plate, oil pooling at the center with the last piece of steak on the side, ignoring the burning stare on your face.
“Let’s get the bill,” you call for the waitress who skips over to your table.
“Yes?”
“We’re done. Can we get the bill, please?”
She glances at Namjoon’s plate, “should I pack this up for him?”
“Should she?”
He shrugs, jaw set, sneering as he speaks, “yes, thank you.”
The threatening gleam in his eyes makes you grin, peering at him through your lashes innocently.
“You’re giving me a ride home, right?”
He chuckles, the sound a little menacing to your ears, “yes.”
When the bill is placed on your table, you reach for it, but he pulls it out of your grip, taking out his wallet to tuck a few bills on the inside. You open your mouth to protest but he cuts you off.
“Come on,” with the legs of the chair screeching against the tile, he shuffles out of the restaurant with you following close behind.
Maybe your plan backfired. Maybe he’s upset with your behavior, you did put an end to your date. Now you’re questioning if you were a little too much, too rude. It’s your first, probably last, date with this guy and you brushed everything off. Maybe you misinterpreted the situation.
Panicking, you click in your seatbelt once you’re seated in his car, which smells a lot like his cologne. He reaches into his pocket to pull out his car keys, but just before he can start the engine, you place a hand on his knee.
“I had fun tonight.”
He raises an eyebrow, the streetlight casting a bright glow to his vexed features.
“Yeah?”
Swallowing the guilt, you nod, hoping that you can propose another date when he places a finger on your jaw.
“The fun hasn’t begun.”
With a shudder, you grip onto your purse as he zooms onto the roads, heat building between your legs in anticipation.
You’re biting back the accomplished smile when you realize that your plan worked, that he cracked, that what you saw in the restaurant was just a glimpse of his other side. You want to send your best friend a quick text to thank her, but the jitters render you motionless, excitement building as he parks the car outside a large apartment building.
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The interior of his apartment is simple, with a bookshelf and desk placed near the sliding door in his lounge.
“I would offer you something to drink,” he towers over you, bottom lip catching between his teeth, “but I think you had enough.”
He takes your purse from your hand delicately and places it on the couch, backing you up until the backs of your knees hit the plush material.
You fall onto the couch, neck straining as you stare up at him. He places his hands on the wall behind you, you sink further down into the couch, core throbbing in want, in need.
“Do you want this?”
“Want what?”
Your playful smile returns when you catch sight of his jaw locking once again. In pure irritation.
“What do you think?”
“What are you talking about?”
Even with him leaving no room for you to breathe, you find a way to tease him and you know he’s enjoying it as much as you are, if the way his cock twitches in his shorts is any indication.
“Take off your pants.”
You want to tease him even more, but you obey, unbuttoning the material and sliding it off your legs, suddenly grateful for wearing your lacy black lingerie.
He licks his lips, eyes travelling from your feet, up to your thighs and stopping at the apex. You spread your legs a bit, giving him the perfect view of your panties that cling to your wet folds. He exhales a shuddering breath, looming over you.
“Your shirt.”
“What about it?”
How wrong you were about him. He’s just your type.
“Take. It. Off.”
Reaching behind you to undo the button, you tug the hem until the soft material lays next to your pants on the floor, placing both your hands in your lap.
“Turn around.”
He still doesn’t give you enough space, but you manage to set your knees on the couch, gripping the backrest, knowing how he must be salivating at the view of your round ass.
“Panties. Off.”
You groan, loudly, wanting to ask why he can’t do it himself but the sudden grip he has on your hair makes you yelp, panties caught around your ankles.
“This is what you want, right? You want to be at my mercy,” his voice is soft yet stern, lips grazing the shell of your ear.
“Yes,” you spread your legs when his hand slides over your abdomen, swollen folds exposed to the cool air.
You almost moan when he shoves you face down into the couch, arm lifting you up so your ass is in the air.
“You’re going to count for me.”
Nodding, you press your cheek into the cushion, watching him pull off his shirt, wanting to feel up his sinewy body.
“I said,” he smacks your ass, “you’re going to count for me.”
“Yes, yes. But I have to ask,” you lift your head so you can see the expression on his face better, “is that all you got?”
His lips curl, pads of his fingers digging into your hips as he pulls your ass up higher. You expect him to hit you with his own witty remark but the force of his hand meeting your right ass cheek has your eyes scrunching shut.
“One,” you breathe, collecting yourself enough to pretend to yawn.
He growls, large palm smacking each of your ass cheeks twice.
“Two…three…four…five.”
The boredom in your tone causes him to grab you by your hair once again, lifting you up so your arms carry all your weight. The next swat to your ass has your pussy clenching, head lolling forward when he lands another three in quick succession.
“Five six seven.”
He laughs, hand winding through your hair to lift you up so your back presses against his sweaty chest.
“Such a dumb slut. Can’t even keep count,” you don’t even realize your mistake because he’s pushing you forward and letting his index finger glide through your folds. You try to spread your legs but your panties, as well as the small space, restrict your movement.
His palm comes down slowly on your folds, almost like he’s testing it out before you’re crying out his name once he slaps your clit, the loud squelch of your pussy can be heard each time you clench your dripping hole. You moan unabashedly when he starts to rub your folds, spreading you open by gripping onto your ass.
“You got a big fucking mouth, hmm? After tonight I like to see you use that smart mouth of yours again. What? Such a fucking slut.”
You’re a mumbling mess, pushing back against his hand for more friction, arousal dribbling down your thighs.
“Close…am close,” you blubber, rolling your hips in circles against his fingers, chasing the sweet release that seems ten times better than when you’re alone in your room, your own fingers working against your clit, whimpering and squirming in the quiet.
He smacks your clit once again and you jolt, pleading with him when your body shivers after your high was ripped away, the beginnings of tears brimming in your eyes.
“Oh? You thought that you were gonna cum? That’s cute. Only good girls get to cum and you’ve been a very-“ he cups your pussy “very- bad- girl.” He punctuates each word with a harsh smack to your folds, tears streaming down your cheeks.
He helps you up so you’re laying on your back, tearing your panties off your ankles as he settles between your legs, almost unrecognizable with the ravenous spark in his eyes as his mouth connects to your clit, tongue spreading your folds, flicking and pressing against your engorged bundle of nerves until you’re shaking, coating his tongue in your juices when he purses his lips around your clit and wiggles his face into your pussy, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Yes. Yes, right there. Fuck!”
You’re grinding against his tongue, the euphoric release being the only thing on your mind as you feel the familiar heat crawl from the top of your head down to your toes, curling with the pleasurable strokes of his tongue. He flexes the wet muscle into your sopping hole, nose nudging your clit until you’re spasming and bursting onto his tongue, seeing stars behind your lids as your back arches, still keeping his face in your pussy as the heels of your foot press into his back, pushing him further as you ride out your high. He doesn’t let up and soon you’re twitching, nails digging into his scalp with the overstimulation.
A shrill breaks into the air when his teeth tugs on your clit, sitting up on your elbows, trying to squirm away from him.
He wipes his chin, slick with your juices, with the back of his hand, chest heaving, hair sticking up as he pulls down his shorts and boxer briefs. You sit up, undoing the clasp of your bra and flinging it across the lounge, wanting nothing more than to have his thick cock in your mouth.
As you’re about to sit at the edge of the couch and grab his thighs to pull him closer, he tugs on your hair and makes you kneel in front of him, hissing when you twist your palm around the leaking head.
Gaze set on his, your tongue darts out in kittenish licks, but he wants none of that because soon, you’re choking on his rock-hard length, saliva trickling from the corners of your mouth as he guides you along his length.
“This is what your big mouth is good for. Choking on my cock.”
Your nails pierce into the flesh on his thighs, dull ache burning your scalp with how hard he’s tugging on your strands of hair but it’s all causing you to shift uncomfortably, watching him throw his head back when you swallow around the tip. He’s ruthless with his thrusts, head lodging in your hot throat, groaning in pleasure as he fucks your mouth, nose pressing into his pubic bone with each snap of his hips.
The pressure between your legs becomes too much, and you reach down to rub your clit in slow circles, jaw aching as he holds your mouth over his cock, moaning around his length as you spread your slick around your clit.
He pulls you off his cock when he sees your fingers between your thighs, holding you up by your shoulders and slamming you into the nearest wall. Not a wall, his sliding door. The cool glass is nothing compared to the scorching heat surging through you and heating up your skin.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he pinches your clit between his index finger and thumb, hot mouth covering yours in a searing kiss, tongue licking every inch of your wet cavern.
“Look at you, letting me abuse your tiny little pussy.”
He grips your thigh and hooks your leg around his waist, you’re sucking on his neck, wanting nothing more than to be impaled on his cock. He fumbles for a condom in his shorts pocket, bending over and in the process, giving you more space to suck hickeys into, nails raking down his fleshy back.
“This is what you like,” he opens the packaging and rolls on the condom, dipping his head to suck on your perky nipples noisily, “you like it like this and you know what that makes you?”
The breath gets knocked out of your lungs when his cock slides into your pulsating hole, mewling when he begins to snap his hips, stretching you open.
“A good little whore,” he grunts, nipping on your earlobe as he wraps both your legs around his waist, thick cock dragging along every ridge in your pussy.
The sliding door rattles behind you, gasping with each push of his cock into your hole. You’re holding onto his shoulders, eyes cracking open to see him watch the way his cock disappears into your pussy, almost like he’s hypnotized with the way his big cock gets swallowed up by your heat.
“So fucking good, so fucking tight,” he supports your weight by gripping onto your ass, helping you move in tandem with his thrusts, walls squeezing around him.
“You’re gonna cum again? Hmm? You like having my fat cock in your pussy.”
You nod meekly, eyes fluttering shut when you feel the stirrings of your high, groaning in sweet bliss when your pussy clenches uncontrollably, milking his cock as you cum, burying your face in the crook of his neck, nails dragging down his back as you ride out your orgasm.
In your haze, you don’t even realize that he reached his end until he sets you down on the couch and you notice the end of the condom hanging with his cum.
He waddles down the hallway on the other end of the lounge and returns wearing a fresh set of shorts and a t-shirt, holding a damp cloth to help you clean up. Your cheeks heat when he pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and drapes it over your shivering body.
“I’m sorry if I was too-“
“It’s okay,” you rush to say, refusing to meet his worried gaze, having expected him to say something along those lines.
“I know you didn’t want to come today.”
Your head whips to the side to see his downturned mouth, picking at his nails.
“What do you mean?”
“I kind of sensed it.”
Guilt overtakes any other emotion. You scoot closer to him, nudging his side with your shoulder, noticing the scars on his neck. Your doing.
“Well, I do think you’re a great guy.”
“But…I’m not your type?”
Your mouth hangs open, not knowing what to say to that because after the past few hours, your opinion of him changed drastically.
“You are…not what I expected. I didn’t expect any of this.”
“You know that someone’s personality and their behavior in a relationship, in the bedroom, especially, don’t always correlate.”
Why does he seem so disheartened?
“I was…wrong to class you before I even got to know you.”
He offers a small smile, laughing when you intertwine your fingers, leaning into his warmth.
“I’m hoping that I can get to know you better.”
“Of course,” he grins, a grin that’s reminiscent of the first time you saw him, sporting that black and yellow uniform.
Kim Namjoon, wasn’t what you expected and maybe you were warming up to his gentle personality since yesterday. You know that you have a bad habit of basing people’s personalities off your first impression and in Namjoon’s case, all you saw was him at work, mingling with the animals he cares for dearly.
He’s certainly your type.
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a/n: please don’t feel shy to send in feedback, hearing your thoughts serve as motivation :)
talk to my characters
⤺Masterlist
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taglist: @ggukkieland @moonchild1 @mwitsmejk @fancycollectormoon @nglmrk @bex-92br @taeslarityy @helenazbmrskai @deliciouslydisturbed365 @thisisn0tal0vest0ry @hopeonysus @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @xxsunny-side-upxx @yealikethejelly @parkdatjimin @xjordynary @aajames217
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yoonia · 4 months ago
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once upon an us [m] | knj
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❥ Summary | You have spent years building a life of your own until you find yourself living a life that every little girl could have ever dreamed of. With a promising career and an expensive apartment in the big city, the only thing left is the fairytale wedding that you had wished for since you were a little girl. When the one you believe to be your prince charming finally comes into your life, you start to believe that dreams do come true. But you also know that things aren’t always as simple as it seems, when there is still a piece of your past that is still tethering you back from reaching for it.
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❥ Title | Once Upon an Us
❥ Pairings | Kim Namjoon x female reader
⤑ Genre | Past Lovers!au, Exes to Lovers!au, Established relationship, Angst, Rom-com, Fluff, Smut
⤑ Ratings | +18 / M for Mature
⤑ Warnings | Mentions of miscarriage, grief, characters making bad decisions, fake relationship(-ish) trope, Namjoon as a (former) basketball player, some cliche scenes as part to romcoms (sharing a bed, lots of arguments), technically involves infidelity, sexual tension, lots of kissing, dry humping, outdoor foreplay, public sex, breast play, clothed foreplay, clothed sex, denied orgasm, hair pulling, fingering (female), oral sex (female, including clit play, implied biting), unprotected sex, rough sex, mention of multiple orgasms, implied creampie.
⤑ Word count | 47k words (I am so sorry!!!)
⤑ Cross Post | AO3 | Inkitt 
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❥ Author’s Note | This story is written as a part of the ‘Christmas in July’ project, for the ‘Winter Wedding Season’ category, an event hosted by @kookdiaries, @kithtaehyung, and @xiaokoo. This fic is loosely inspired by the movie Sweet Home Alabama (2002) | Thank you @theodea for reading through this on such a short notice (I love you, bub!) and for my sprint mates and fellow camp nano-ers who kept hyping me up in this journey @softyoongiionly @randombtsprincessa @yeoldontknow 
❥ Song Companion | Sabrina Claudio - Belong To You (feat. 6lack) ● Daughter - Landfill ● ORKID - Only If You Want To ● Jutes - We Good ● Standing Egg - Ironic
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There is always something to be said about little girls and their big dreams.
The way their innocence allows them to conjure imaginations that are beyond any adult mind could comprehend. To have their minds going places without any worries of facing the reality of life, without any barriers or limits to how far their extensive imagination would go as they create all the scenarios involving their whole life—starting with the paths where they want to go in life, the person they imagine they would become, the people they want to meet, and everything that they want to achieve.
For a lot of people who had known you since you were a little girl, this is exactly how they had seen you and has continued to remember you with. A dreamer. The little girl who would paint a big picture inside your head that you would often get stuck in your own world, oftentimes too stubborn to look at the present or the world around you and to simply follow the course that your life was taking you into.
The little girl in you had dreamt of becoming your own princess, just like the ones you have read in the storybooks that your parents used to read you before bed. You dreamt about living in a castle somewhere at the top of the mountains—just like the mountains that you had always seen growing up at home. You dreamt about having all the fancy things that princesses would acquire and being spoiled with the pleasure of the admiration and praises from all the people that you would surround yourself with.
As you grew older, your dreams began to manifest into something more real. When you knew that, in reality, it would be impossible for you to build your own castle, you began to turn your dreams and use them to build a plan of uprooting your life. From the small-town girl that everyone knew into someone who has a lot more, achieving everything through an elaborate plan that you had concocted so perfectly for yourself—to move into the big city, to have your own place, switching from living in the old brick house in your family’s property to affording a fancy apartment which looked similar to those you have seen in the movies, and to have a great career, something that would be enough to allow you to buy your own fancy things the way you couldn’t afford to as a child.
Soon, you would learn that the journey to fulfilling your dreams would not be as easy as how you had pictured it as a child. If there is something for you to learn as an adult, is that there is also always something to be said about life, about its twists and turns, the surprises and the secrets looming in every corner, and how easy it would be for someone like you to get caught drifting in the tide if you are not prepared for it.
It had taken you far and through a tumultuous course of life to be in this moment, to find yourself living in the big city, with a good job and a rising career that had put a roof over your head—specifically the two-bedroom apartment located in the heart of the city which would have costed a living if you hadn’t been lucky enough to have the kind of income that you earn from your fancy job.
Sometimes, it still feels unbelievable to think that you had somewhat managed to bring your dreams into reality, though the years of hard work to make it all happen have managed to keep your foot on the ground, keeping you humble despite everything that you had gone through. The journey started the day you left the small town where you were born and raised, stepping out of your comfort zone to begin your own adventure. It was all followed by the years you spent studying in law school, then building up your career while constantly proving yourself against the people who had once looked down on you along with all the vicious male competitors at work for you to become the person that you are today.
Looking back at your journey and at everything that you had accomplished for the past seven years, to see for yourself just how you had managed to survive all the tides that fate had thrown at you should be able to make you feel happy and content. The life that you had built up to today has gone beyond whatever you had imagined and there is no chance in hell you would ever trade it for anything else.
Not even for a fraction of a memory that you had to sacrifice many years ago.
But sometimes, you still find it hard to savour everything. Not when you still constantly feel like you are missing something, as if there is a piece of you that had been mislaid, lost, perhaps forgotten in the midst of walking down your path to finding your happy ending.
And the void has only been getting stronger because you know that the little girl inside you is still refusing to give up on her fairy tale ending and has always been so demanding that she wants to have it just the way the old storybooks that she had read as a child had been telling them.
In the fairy tales that you had once adored as a child, each of their stories had always ended with the Princesses meeting their Prince Charming, to have them falling in love, and have their union defeat all the bad until there is nothing left but the good. Just like everything else that you have acquired in life, this had also been a part of the dream that you had manifested in your mind as a little girl. To finally end your story by finding someone who could sweep you off of your feet the same way you read them in those storybooks, before riding into the sunset to mark the end of your lone journey and the start of your journey together with the one you love.
There had been many years of waiting, of picturing how it should be when the moment would finally come. But despite all the scenarios that you had planned and played out in your head each time you wondered about it in the past, never once had you imagined that it would be something like this.
“Babe?”
You snap out of it when his voice comes to your senses, shaking you out of your wandering thoughts and pulling you back to the present. Back to the man who is still down on the floor, resting on one knee right before you. He is now wearing a nervous smile on his face while his eyes carry a ton of questions, no doubt for having you falling silent instead of jumping up and down in joy after what he had initially asked of you. Your eyes fall on his hands. The same hands that have been holding out a small box with a glowing diamond ring sitting at its center, and you immediately remember what had just happened before time suddenly stopped still for you to send your mind wandering off to the past.
“M-Matthew—” your voice comes out small when you finally manage to speak, though the words still seem to refuse to come out.
“What do you say, babe? Will you marry me?” he asks again, as if you hadn’t heard him the first time, and you can see his gaze flickering, looking vulnerable when you have yet to give him an answer.
A hush comes from around you as the people who have been witnessing this moment unfolding are beginning to whisper. Some talking with curiosity while others seem to be growing more impatient on Matthew’s behalf.
‘She’s still in shock,’ says one voice. ’I think he’s made her speechless,’ says another. You don’t even make any effort to look around to see who is speaking and who is probably sneering at you, still too stunned into silence at the sight of the man before you. You can feel their gazes on you even without looking over, though you try not to let their presence intimidate and haunt you, letting them fade into the background while you focus on steadying your breath.
The words are there on the tip of your tongue, but your racing heartbeat makes it hard for you to find your voice to speak it out loud. Despite the fact that you had known for quite some time that he had been planning for this, having heard him talking and insinuating for this moment to finally happen, you never expected for him to do this here and definitely not right at this moment. Right in the middle of the important office event, everyone has gathered for the night to celebrate his promotion as a partner. He was supposed to be the one who is standing in the limelight, the one who is supposed to become the main part of the event, and he certainly was not supposed to pull you with him under that spotlight which now seems to be pointing straight at you.
But perhaps this is his fairy tale ending too. Something that he had planned to happen right at the same time he finally acquired his goal, putting an end to his lone journey to start a new one with you. As the thought occurs to you, the answer comes to you pretty easily.
“Yes,” you finally give your answer out loud, and your pounding heartbeat intensifies just as your joy begins to take over, coming out in waves, eliminating all the doubts that had been weighing inside your chest. “Yes, Matthew. The answer is yes. I’ll marry you.”
While everyone around you cheers to celebrate, Matthew jumps onto his feet and wraps you in his arms. As someone who always appears so calm and composed whether he is in the courtroom or within the conference meeting rooms, Matthew has never had any hesitation in showing his feelings for you whenever he is in public. And you have grown used to it by now that you simply laugh with him as he envelopes you with his big arms, lifting you up and spinning you around with him, before taking your lips in his in a quick celebratory kiss and then finally letting you go.
Your head is still spinning and your mind still feels slightly fuzzy when he takes your hand and gently slides the beautiful ring onto your finger. Everything seems so surreal that you are almost convinced that you are dreaming, that nothing about this is actually happening. But then Matthew helps you feel everything once again, bringing your senses back alive and your mind back to focus as he pulls you in his arms once more so he can capture your lips, giving you a kiss that is much deeper in his joy.
This is it, you wonder to yourself as you slowly give in, wrapping your arms around his neck as you return his kiss and lean into his embrace.
The happy ending of your own fairy tale. Your Prince Charming.
The feeling of his heart beating against your chest makes his presence more real. To allow you to realise that this is all happening. But the moment he lets you go, giving you a chance to pull away from the kiss and look at his face, the reality of your life and of what had just transpired finally begin to sink in.
The happiness you are feeling now should have you feeling ecstatic, to be able to cheer just as loud as the guests in the office party who had become the witnesses to this wondrous moment and to savour it with a smile on your face which should be just as wide as Matthew’s as he looks at you with wonders in his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispers, keeping his forehead resting on yours as he keeps holding you in his arms, swaying you gently with him as he moves from side to side to enjoy the faint hum of the music playing from the speakers while everyone else returns to the enjoy their drinks.
You look up at him, returning his smile when you whisper, “Love you too,” making his smile grow wider as he savours the words you have given him before he pulls you back against his chest. You enjoy making him smile, and you revel in the joy brewing inside you knowing that you make him happy. And yet you can still feel the sinking feeling that comes to you in the form of the shadow from your past, reminding you of the reason why you are still unable to fall freely into this joy, to savour it the way you are supposed to. And you hate not being able to enjoy this moment when deep down you know that you deserve every bit of the happy ending now being offered to you.
Wrapping your arms around Matthew’s waist, you close your eyes and bask in his warmth. It pains you to know just how happy he is about this moment while you are filled with a dreadful pang of guilt pinching at your chest.
As you let him continue to guide you into a slow dance right in the middle of the dance floor, you begin to silently write a new elaborate plan inside your head, writing another scenario that would allow you to finally embrace the happiness being gifted to you, starting from going back home to face the shadows of your past and the life that you had left behind when you began writing your own story.
Because something is tethering you back into that life still, a secret that would be enough to shatter the life that you have built for yourself, your future, and perhaps any happiness that is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel.
And you know that it is time for you to set everything loose for once and for all. All for the sake of moving on and for you to embrace your new beginning.
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Your flight home had never felt this long before. Not for a trip that was supposed to have been a quick one. It isn’t as if your hometown is somewhere across the globe or even all the way across the country. It just didn’t help that you had been anxious all through the trip that it simply felt as if the plane had been crawling in the air, making it appear as if time simply stood still while you were up there. With your stomach constantly churning, you couldn’t even indulge yourself in the alcohol drinks they were offering on the flight to help you pass the time.
Stepping out of the plane has not done much to ease the anxiety you felt, and yet you simply force yourself to hold it back down and act as if you still have control over everything. You have even chosen to grab a rental car from the airport instead of taking the cab home, hoping that driving the car would help clear your head a little and perhaps force you to focus instead of letting your mind constantly wandering out of control.
Once you start driving away from the airport, you soon find that you were right, after all. The action has your mind focusing that it leaves no space for your anxiety to take over. Though it doesn’t stop other emotions to come through you. Watching the scenery as you drive the car slowly down the road, you relish on the feeling of melancholy that suddenly overwhelms you. And yet, at the same time, you still find it hard to just relax and give in to the moment. But only because everything that you are looking out on as you drive past the town road and its old buildings all seem odd to you, and somewhat foreign.
It had been seven years ago when you left this town for the first time. Leaving behind the heartache, the grief, the physical pain that had been a part of you, a reminder of what you had lost, and you had done it all simply to continue on living.
Up until three years ago, you had been coming home often, either it was to spend the holidays with your family or to simply visit your parents on their birthdays or on the weekends where you would be free with a chance for a long break. But then things changed, when everything fell apart all so suddenly and you no longer had any reason to come back when the last string of hope that you were still holding on to for you to survive was ripped away from you.
It was not too long after when you got the permanent position in the law firm you are working at, and while work had always been so rough and so busy even around the holidays, it had helped give you the escape you had needed to stay away. It might have been unfair for you to use your job as your excuse to keep your distance, and for you to use it as a reason not to come home as often as you had wanted, but it was a small sacrifice to what you had wanted to gain. Ever since then the only way you could ever celebrate Christmas with your family had only been done through video calls instead of being there in person. Though your heart kept telling you that it wasn’t enough, you simply had to make do, and your parents had no other choice but to understand and to let it continue on for a while.
Being here now, looking out the window to watch the town as you drive right by, you can feel a nagging feeling inside you that tells you how much you no longer belong in this place. Especially now, when you are about to embark a new journey that doesn’t involve any part of your past.
Thinking about the recent events happening in your life, specifically on the one that is about to change the entire course of your life, only brings your mind back to Matthew.
You have always been a terrible liar, and the guilt of lying to Matthew about this abrupt homecoming is still clawing at you in the chest. Rubbing your palm against the source of the painful pinch you are feeling, you recall the day when you had to tell him about coming home to see your parents in order to send them the news of your engagement.
And that you would need to do it without him.
Having only started dating each other for 8 months, Matthew had never gotten a chance to get to know the side of you that you had left behind. He had only known you as the woman who would always come early every morning and the last one to leave the office at night. And then last year, after facing a case that had gotten you stuck with him in the office on the night before Christmas, it had been the side of you that you had painted for everyone around you to see—the hardworking city girl with no baggage or secrets, and perhaps not even a personal life—that had managed to catch his attention first. He had never known you as the small-town girl who had once think highly of the holiday tradition that you had with your family, who would stay up all night to set up all the Christmas decorations to light up the whole house when you weren’t stuck in the kitchen helping your mother with her Christmas meal or when you weren’t helping your brother wrap up all the gifts until blisters would start growing on the tip of your fingers from working with all the glues and tapes.
So the moment you got a strong reaction from Matthew about you seeing your parents without him and that you would be staying with them for the holidays, you had been ready for it. Though it had needed a lot of convincing on your part still to make sure that he wouldn’t insist on tagging along and ruining your whole plan.
“How long will you be gone?” he asked you the morning he was driving you off to the airport, once he was open to the idea of letting you travel home on your own.
“Just one week, only until the day after Christmas, then I’ll come back as soon as I can so I can spend New Year’s Eve with you. I promise,” you had answered him then, appeasing him by giving him what he had wanted to hear while silently repeating it inside your head as a promise to yourself, setting up a time limit as you set out to clear out the final hurdle getting in the way of your new beginning with your fiancé.
It wouldn’t be easy. Even as you were thinking about doing this and way before you even decided to fly all the way here to make this happen, you had known that this would not be an easy task. But it needs to be done, and it needs to happen soon, and the last thing you would ever let yourself do is to get swayed away from your goal the moment you take action, just like it had happened before.
But you cannot afford for it to happen again. Not now, not ever, and especially not after all sacrifices that you had made the day you left this town for good three years ago.
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Not too many changes had been done to the house that you grew up in since the last time you were home.
The wallpapers and the floorboards had been changed, and you also know that your Dad had done some renovating over the years that you were mostly gone, but he kept a lot of part from the old house to make it look all the same. You can still breathe in the faint scent of stale paint and glue and must from old wood lingering in the air, though everything feels muted when they are mixed with the scent of fresh paint and freshly cut wood that still remains after the past renovations.
All the mixed fragrances are soon masked away with a set of new ones, as the delectable aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the meat dish cooking in the oven continue wafting in the air as your mother makes her way back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room to set up dinner. Your mother had made it obvious that your arrival had been a surprising one, when she screamed at the top of her lungs the moment she opened the front door to see you standing there on the other side. Especially since you had no chance to let her know about your sudden visit, an afterthought that had only occurred to you the moment you were knocking on the door. But she was quick to recover from her shock, replacing it with excitement and had instantly taken action in preparing a large dinner to welcome you even if your Dad and your brother have yet to arrive home.
“How was your flight? Did they serve you one of those snack boxes like the one I got when I came home from seeing you last time? Unless you got on the first class flight. They still serve you a full course meal for those expensive tickets they’re selling, don’t they?” Your mother keeps throwing random questions as she is busy preparing the meal, while she keeps insisting that you simply remain in your seat instead of helping her with her tasks. You only respond to her questions with one short answer at a time while trying to sneak in some lending hand whenever she isn’t looking—from checking on the oven’s heat to stirring the pot of meatball sauce while she has her hands full with the other.
“Have you gone to see anyone yet since you landed? Have you heard from Missy? Did you hear that she’s pregnant with her third child? Third!” your mother keeps rambling on, waving her spatula at you while speaking louder with her voice rising with each sentence. You have no idea whether she is completely hyped over the fact that your childhood best friend is having another little one on the way or if she is just happy to have you home this year after your long absence in the house. Even better, that you had arrived a lot earlier and with almost a week to spare before Christmas would arrive.
Her joy is somehow contagious that you cannot help but laugh just as she accidentally splatters some sauce anywhere but the pot where the fresh sauce is boiling.
“Mom, slow down. You’re tossing that tomato sauce all over the kitchen,” you tell her while pointing at her spatula and the sauce dripping from it before she tosses it back to the pot where her special meatball dish is currently cooking. “And no, I haven’t gone to see anyone yet. I drove straight here and avoided going through downtown—”
To avoid having people seeing me around before I can at least prepare myself to deal with them and all their questions, you silently add.
“I haven’t even called Missy yet. Maybe I will in the morning or I can go the her family’s diner a bit later to pay a visit.”
Your mother shakes her head. “You must be exhausted. Look at those bags under your eyes, and have you been eating properly?” she keeps asking you while pinching at your cheeks. “You always work so hard and I know that you’d be skipping meals if I don’t call you everyday to remind you of it.”
“I’m fine, Mom. It’s probably just the jet-lag,” you simply answer her before she would go ranting about the way you have been living in the big city. She had always been giving you the same lecture after she had caught you red-handed tossing away a week worth of takeout boxes out of your apartment when she made a sudden visit to see you. Then, as if your body agrees with you, you suddenly feel your shoulders dropping and you find yourself yawning.
“Oh, look at you,” your mother comments right as she sees it. “There will be no more of you going around town tonight. We’re going to sit down for dinner and then you’re going to go upstairs to sleep it off.”
You open your mouth to protest, only to have your mother shaking her head and pushing you away from the frying pan that you have been fiddling with. “Now, go sit back down! Don’t you dare think that I haven’t noticed what you’ve been doing. Now, shoo!”
You laugh softly as you let her kick you out of the kitchen while muttering, “Yes, mother.”
Not long after, your mother sits with you at the dining table as she tries to feed you every single meal on the table while asking about how your life has been. Your father is still out at work, giving the two of you a chance to catch up more freely and for you to gently bring up the real reason why you had returned home without the intense way your father would be reading through your lies if he had been home already.
You had tossed the engagement ring into your purse when you first arrived, keeping it hidden from your mother’s eyes. Despite the fact that you have only had it on for a few weeks, you still feel like there is something missing as you raise your left hand up. You can barely ignore the indentation on your ring finger that you keep rubbing your thumb over it, brushing against the odd feeling of void that the ring had left behind.
All through dinner, your mother keeps you updated on the rumour mills, letting you know about how the neighbourhood has been changing and everything there is to know about the people in town. You listen halfheartedly, responding with the usual murmurs of yes and no or ask her more about what she is telling you, even if you are slowly feeling the weight of your news looming, pushing you to the edge to make you want to just spill everything in the open.
You look at your mother and see that she seems to be holding back too. Not in the way she is talking about the town, however, but from asking you the questions that you can see lingering in her eyes each time she gives you her quick glances.
Once you are done with the first course of the meatball dish and your mother stands up from her seat to give you a second offering, you can no longer take it anymore.
“I’m going to see him,” you finally tell your mother, still feeling a bit tense about admitting it, though you feel good for finally voicing it out.
Your mother only looks at you for a moment before releasing a deep sigh and returning to her seat. “So that’s why you came home, huh? I was wondering if there’s something more going on,” she says, sounding a bit regretful as a sad smile comes to her face. “I thought that might be the case, but I kept telling myself—” she stops only to shake her head. “It’s been so many years.”
“That’s the point. It’s been years too long,” you answer your mother with a solemn nod. “I need to settle the things going on between us for good.”
Your mother purses her lips together. “Can’t you guys just talk about it like decent adults first? You know, maybe you can find a middle ground and work on—”
At her question, and whatever it is that she has going on in her thoughts, you can only sigh and shake your head. “I tried, Mom. Things wouldn’t have turned out this way if not for him suddenly turning away from me before actually giving a chance for us to talk about it like two adults,” you tell her, explaining to her for the umpteenth time already, just like how you would always do every year when this topic comes up.
“Why now? After all these years, why have you suddenly decided that you want to see him in person now?”
You open your mouth to answer but find yourself unable to speak. How are you supposed to explain the fact that you had somehow agreed to marry someone that your parents don’t really know anything about? And while this hurdle had been getting in your way for too long already, it wasn’t until the moment you put on Matthew’s ring and have the images of your future flashing in your eyes when you realise that you can no longer let it hold you back from moving on.
You know that no matter how well you can find a way to explain it, neither one of your parents is going to be happy to know what is going on or to understand the reason why you are taking an action after years of being silent.
“I can’t tell you why just yet, I just—” you begin to speak, shaking your head again before looking at her. “It’s time, Mom. Don’t you think?”
Your mother looks completely somber when she nods. There is a voice in the back of your mind that is telling you that perhaps your mother knows that something is up. But you refuse to admit it, hoping that she simply thinks of this as a way for you to make things right.
“You’re right. I think you really should talk to him,” she says to you, finally, keeping her voice soft as she speaks before pointing a finger at you as she adds, “And I mean really talk to him properly without screaming at each other.”
Her comment reminds you back to three years ago, when you were much younger and you still had lack control of your emotions that you had allowed the townspeople to witness it when you were fighting with him in public. It was catastrophic, and there is no doubt that people still remembers that day, perhaps even better than what your memory had served you. Chuckling sheepishly to yourself, you raise your hand up and look at your mother with a sly grin. “You know I can’t promise you anything yet, but I’ll do my best to reign down my anger.”
“As you both should,” she says, only to stop briefly and glance over to the empty seat where your father would usually sit during dinner. Except for tonight, as he was stuck dealing with a little problem at work. “And, um—I need you to do me a favour,” your mother speaks to you softly, almost to whisper before turning to look at you. “Don’t let your Dad know what you might decide to do about all of this until it’s time, you hear me?”
For a moment there, you are left speechless, wondering if your mother had found out about what is truly going on. But looking at her doesn’t give you an answer, not when she isn’t giving you much of it when she keeps her face blank, only filled with the firm look in her eyes as she waits for you to agree with her.
“I won’t tell him anything until I’ve handled things.”
Your answer seems to please her, enough to bring back her smile. Your mother pats gently on your left hand, showing her gratitude without so much of a word before she leaves her seat to finally get you that second serving of her homemade meatball dish. As she leaves, your eyes find your hand, focusing on the empty ring finger that suddenly feels heavy with an invisible weight, carried by the secret that you simply cannot wait to let go of.
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“How does it feel to be back home?”
Listening to Matthew’s voice on the phone makes you want to close your eyes and exhale a deep sigh. In fact, that is just what you do as you lean against the side of your rented city car, basking in the rumbles of Matthew’s deep voice that you have started to miss a lot despite the fact that you had just spent time with him last weekend.
“It feels—good, and odd at the same time,” you answer him with a chuckle, opening your eyes to look around you and take in the sight of the beautiful town where you grew up in.
There is a whole lot of truth in your words when you talk about being home. Being here feels good. Everything about it feels right—the fresh air, the clean roads and sidewalks, the artsy walls and the old buildings, the familiar scents, and all the places that remind you of your childhood and all the years you spent causing trouble and trying to find yourself through your teen years.
But it is certainly different here compared to the big city. In the city, you are nearly invisible. Surrounded by all the people who only care about their own personal businesses, on living it through the day and following the quick pace of the city life that you have become a part of for the past nearly seven years. Everything here appears in brighter colours, slightly muted compared to the colours you see in the city, where everything seems more vibrant and bold and awfully loud. Everyone here moves at a slower pace, as if they are savouring every second of their day as they go about it town, finishing their personal businesses without so much of a rush, sometimes even stopping just to have a chat with anyone they come across. It has been a sight that is completely unlike what you have grown used to seeing back in the city, where people would rush to get from one spot to another as soon as they can without even bother paying attention to the people they come across as they continue to live and move along to follow the constant ripple pulsing within the city
You almost forgot that you had once been a part of this town.
And you have just been reminded that everyone in this town knows each other.
There is no doubt that the news of your arrival may have already reached him. There is nothing you can do to escape it when you came across Ruth, the gossip girl of the town, when you dropped by at the bank in town this morning. Not to mention the fact that your uncle may have gone to see him early morning when you know that they are still doing their morning runs together. Funny how life changes over the years and yet some things just remain the same.
Everything—and everyone—in this town seems to remain completely the same.
And that is when you start questioning just where do you fit in all of this. Or if you still fit here at all.
“Baby? Is everything okay?” you hear Matthew’s voice from the phone still pressed to your ear, snapping you from your wandering thoughts, and only then do you realise that he has been saying stuff on the phone which you have obviously missed.
“Yes,” you quickly answer him while chastising yourself for it. “I’m sorry, I got distracted. You were saying?”
Matthew lets out a soft chuckle through the phone, as if he already knows your antics, and that he had grown used to noticing you spacing out so randomly when you are not focusing completely the way you would when you are working. “I was saying how sorry I am that I can’t be there. You know, it would’ve been better if I had joined you to meet your family if you’re going to let them know about our engagement, don’t you think? I should’ve been there with you to do it. I have to meet them at some point, right?”
“Right,” you answer him with a small voice while you feel your breath getting caught in your throat. You had gone through all of this before, having him question why he isn’t here with you and you had always tried to explain the best you could about why you have to do this alone. With him constantly bringing it up on each phone call, you are not completely sure just how much longer you can keep going with this ruse and how soon the truth will come out.
You are thankful for the fact that he is unable to see you this way, but you still try your best to recover and answer him lightly, “But you know, you also have that family thing this Christmas and the gala. I feel like I have to do this on my own—”
Because your Dad’s heart might not be able to survive it if you had brought a man into your parents’ home and your Mom would blow a torch once she drops her gaze on Matthew.
And then there’s the gossip.
Oh, what would people say if you had come home with Matthew instead of coming here alone? Once again, the weight of the engagement ring that you have kept inside your purse feels heavy. This time, it feels heavier than the tightness in your chest that you have to press your free hand harder against the side of your purse as if the tiny little thing is pulsing from within and everyone in town might be able to sense its presence from a mile away.
“—because you know, I already told you that my parents might be a bit old-fashioned about this, yet I feel like I need to send the news to them lightly.”
“Yeah, I get it. I mean, I don’t think I can escape this charity gala even if I’d wanted to,” he says, and you feel even more guilty for lying when you can hear the smile in his voice.
Not lying, omitting the truth, as you have told yourself time and time again.
“But—” he adds, “At least you’re going to be back here for New Year’s Eve, right? My parents have been going on and on about the family dinner and the gathering. Don’t worry, I kept my promise not to tell them about the engagement until then, but they still ask about you a lot, wondering if you’re going to be here.”
“I’ll be there,” you quickly answer him, just when you hear the sound of a door opening. “Listen, Matthew honey. I have to go. Can I call you back later tonight?”
“Of course,” he says. “I have to stop by at the office briefly before heading to the gym and then I’m off to see my Dad for lunch right after my workout. You take care over there, alright? I love you.”
“Me too.”
Ending the call, you toss the phone into your purse and push yourself away from the car. You begin to walk carefully on the gravel-covered pathway heading to the old building in front of you—the old place that you had once remembered as the old wooden barn turned into the town’s farmers’ tavern which, at some point, had come near of being torn down.
The place had once called the Spinning Horse Pub, where you would see drunken old men hanging out there at night after spending all day doing labour work, tossing glasses and passing around the local beer while singing old folksongs completely out of tune and with all the wrong lyrics, the sight which ended up leaving kids scarred and slightly traumatised at the sight of adulthood.
Today, the place is called the Moonlit Bar, standing pristine with a mix of brick walls and polished wooden floors, stained glass windows, and blues music humming faintly from inside just as the front door swings open.
After years of not seeing him in person, you had thought that you would have a problem finding him. But it had turned out that he had been keeping contact with your parents, especially your Dad—in extension of him spending his free time with your uncle—and you had found out just where to ambush him without creating so much of a hassle or to attract the attention that you obviously have no time or energy to deal with.
Your heels sink between the gravels as you continue to walk closer towards the bar. The sounds of men talking are heard as you grow closer, followed by a series of laughter coming with the voice that you have known for a long time. Even before you can see him, as the talking men are still concealed behind the truck that is parked right in front of the bar, your heartbeat has already started picking up, pounding rapidly the closer you are to get to him. And with each pound of your heartbeat, you can feel the ominous throb coming from the ring inside your purse, further intensifying all the tension you currently have running through your body.
And then, finally, you are there, right where you need to be after walking around the parked truck to be able to have a clear view of the bar’s own front door, only to stumble right the moment you find him.
Standing on the front porch, looking all gloriously in his presence is Kim Namjoon, the man and the devil himself, whose wide smile that he shared with his friend falls for a brief moment at the sight of you coming over to him before his lips curl up to a sly grin.
Namjoon waves at his friend who knows not to stay and is already hopping away to his parked car in the lot before he turns to you. “Well, look at what the cat dragged in,” he says, leaning back against a column on the front porch with his arms crossed as he takes you in. His eyes are glowing with mirth, though you can sense him holding something back, using his haughtiness against you to hold it back in.
You stop on your tracks, staying just a few steps away from the porch’s stairs as you cross your own arms. “I thought you were allergic to cats.”
Namjoon shrugs. “Still am,” he says, dragging his words while he drags his gaze, looking at you from the top of your head and down to your fancy heels. His intense gaze makes you feel self-conscious, while your skin begins to flush not only for the way he is looking at you, but also at the sight of him.
With the years that had gone by, you have never expected to see him changing this much. He has always been so tall, but the last time you had seen him, he was still his lanky old self, completely careless to the way he looked or how he presented himself.
Today, he is standing there with his flannel shirt, the short sleeves folded up all the way to his shoulders, exposing his strong arms, muscles grown from the years that he had no doubt been spending working out and out on runs, all flexed tightly for your eyes to see as he keeps his arms crossed defiantly over his chest. And then there is his chest, looking all buff and strong, unlike the way he used to be back then, when he had looked way smaller compared to your massive built uncle who had insisted to have him join his exercises and workouts, when he appeared frail that it made you worry a lot whenever he had to deal with his carpentry and especially when he had taken the job at his father’s construction business.
All of a sudden, you feel the urge to clench your hands, only because a flash of memory comes into your head. You still remember how it felt to run your hands down his skin, how he would shudder under your touch when you pressed your palms on his chest. And then your mind wanders yet again, only to imagine what it would feel like if you would run your palms down to his chest today, to trace his tight muscles, to feel the heat of his skin, and—
“So what are you doing here, stranger? Did you get lost? Forgot your way back to the big city?” he begins questioning you, snapping you right out of your trance. You look up to see his eyes, noticing the way they are glinting with amusement, as if he had caught on to you ogling at him.
“No, actually. I’m here looking for you,” you respond to him while averting your gaze, shaking your head to shake off the blunder that has suddenly gotten into you and get your mind out of the gutter.
“Oh, really?” he asks, sounding intrigued. “Mind if I ask why?”
Again, your heartbeat picks up, and you swallow deeply to stop yourself from throwing up out of nerves. Pressing your lips together, you reach into your purse to pull out a brown envelope that contains the papers that you had prepared prior to coming here. Taking it in your hand, you take a few steps closer to him and hand it out for him to grab.
“I’m here for this,” you tell him, keeping your voice calm and steady as you continue, “I want you to sign the divorce papers. And I’m going to need you to do it now.”
His eyes fall on the envelope that you are handing out to him, a flicker of his surprise and his emotions that you cannot really read from him appear in his gaze for a brief moment before they disappear, replaced by a look of astonishment that comes together with his smile.
“No,” is all that he says to you.
“What?” you simply gasp out your reaction while your courage simply shatters into pieces.
“I said no. I’m not signing that.”
Rage comes boiling in your blood and you lower your hand roughly that the envelope brushes against your thigh with a loud slap. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not signing.”
“Why? What’s the point?” you try to protest. Stopping only to take a deep breath to calm yourself down before levelling your voice, keeping it down when you continue to speak, “Namjoon, we’ve been separated for a long time. We never even talked nor have we seen each other since I left town, much less living like a normal pair of husband and wife. Do you really want us to get stuck in this—this, whatever this is, until we both grow old, despising one another while we’re rotting to death?”
Namjoon’s gaze turns hard as he lowers his arms. “I’m not signing because I can’t.”
“What the hell does that even mean?” you hiss at him, though it doesn’t seem that getting emotional is doing much to help you in this matter.
Namjoon exhales a deep sigh and looks around him. He keeps his eyes looking far away and over your shoulder, staring at the shadows that aren’t exactly present when he speaks, “Why don’t you come inside so we can talk properly without worrying about people listening in? I know that I owe you at least a drink or two.” His eyes find you again before he gives you a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, the same eyes that are still giving you a hard gaze. “What do you say, city girl? Or are you too fancy now to try out the local brews?”
You keep staring at him with disbelief as he turns around and makes his way back into the tavern without waiting for your response. Deep down, you know that he is right. It would be better to be talking about this inside, away from any prying eyes and curious ears listening in. God knows what the rumour mill is already spreading about the connection between your return and your visit to Namjoon’s bar while you are standing out here for everyone to see. And you are also curious to hear about what he is about to tell you. After taking a quick look around you, you slip the envelope back into your purse and dust off your skirt from the invisible dust before stepping up onto the porch.
Namjoon is still standing by the entrance, waiting for you to follow as he holds the door open for you. His smile doesn’t seem at all welcoming when you look at him, but feels more like a taunt. Despite knowing that you would be caught in a place where he holds all control, you don’t stop yourself from going around him and walk through the door. “Let’s get this over with,” you tell him as you walk past, only to have him responding to you with a deep chuckle as you sense him following you in.
“Oh, Sweet Cheeks, you have no idea. I haven’t even started yet.”
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Stepping into his bar feels like stepping into a completely different world from what you had outside.
Even in the daytime, the bar had been kept slightly dark, with only a few probe lights illuminating the room from the corners of the seating area, some lights are spread around the bar, and some of the brightest are set around the empty stage in the center of the room, highlighting the music instruments placed there to be ready for use. You can feel Namjoon’s warmth as he follows close, right until the moment you come to a halt at the center of the room and he walks around you to make his way towards the bar counter.
He says nothing as he looks over his shoulder to meet your gaze, but the look in his eyes is enough to have you following him towards the bar. You can see that a few patrons are present as you walk across the room, and neither of them are looking your way. Some of them are enjoying their meal, while some are simply there to chat with each other while enjoying their beer and the light music playing from the old jukebox across the room. The silly device looks awfully too bright against the darker room around it, catching your attention so easily. Judging from the looks of it and how old it seems, you wonder just how that thing is still running.
Namjoon stops at a seating booth nearby the bar counter, quite hidden from the rest of the place. Simply perfect to finally have the talk. He watches you coming closer and gives you his sweet and charming smile that you have grown used to know, added with a pinch of his smugness, then motions for you to take the seat right across from him.
“You seem to be doing well. And I have to admit that this place looks nice,” you say to him after a beat of silence. You find it almost awkward to be sitting here with him and not saying anything. But you have found a long time ago that both you and Namjoon had always managed to find comfort in your silence.
Except that part of your life had ended a long time ago, and you barely know the man who is sitting right in front of you today.
Namjoon’s lips curl up to a smile, and you can tell that he is pleased to hear your compliment and he takes a lot of pride in bringing this place together. You can obviously see it when he leans back, taking a good look at the place with a look of wonder in his eyes. And you cannot help but admit that you share the same pride inside you for seeing how far he had gone since you left.
“How did you find me?” he suddenly asks you before his eyes find you again.
You keep your eyes on him for a moment, studying the look he is giving you only to give up when you find nothing. Giving him a shrug, you answer him with a small smile. “Small town. Everyone talks. Just ask the right question to the right people and they all come pointing their fingers to help me find you.”
Namjoon grins. “Your uncle told you about this place, didn’t he? Did he specifically told you that you can find me here today?”
A chuckle escapes you as you nod. “He came to the house to barge into our dinner last night the moment he heard from Dad that I was home. Couldn’t stop talking about you and how you managed to pick this place back up and keeping it from falling to the ground. Said you re-built everything with your own two hands.”
Namjoon simply gives you nothing but silence instead of confirming what your uncle had told you last night. And he did more than just to let you know where you can find and perhaps corner Namjoon into talking to you.
You had thought that your uncle may have been exaggerating things when he talked about Namjoon and about all the things that the man had done for the town ever since you left. But seeing this place now and how he carries himself around the bar and around you is beginning to make you wonder just how much things have truly changed since then. There is a glint in his eyes that is hard for you to decipher, though it makes you feel like he is able to look through you without so much of saying a word. You open your mouth to speak again, to strike a conversation, to say anything, just to keep the ball rolling and to start getting straight to the point where he would provide some answers, only to be interrupted by a waitress who comes sidling to the side of the booth.
You turn to the girl, expecting her to ask for your orders just so you can quickly send her away, only to realise that she doesn’t even have her eyes on you. The waitress simply stands there with her hips popped to the side, keeping one arm pressed around the underside of her boobs to practically push the girls up and making them look bigger as the peak of the mound come peeking from over her low cut shirt and her other hand is nowhere close to holding her notes. To you, she appears to be a bit—ditzy, as she tries to gain Namjoon’s attention, but her presence amuses you too much to make a comment out of it.
“What are you having, Joonie?” she asks with a voice slightly whining to make herself sound cute for your dear husband, and yet Namjoon pays her no attention, giving her not even a glance as he keeps his eyes on you.
Amused at this development, you lean back in your seat and cross your arms over your chest to taunt him. “Yes, what are we having, Joonie?”
Namjoon’s lips twitch for a brief moment, as if he is holding back a smile. Yet he keeps his eyes locked on your face when he finally answers, “I’ll have the beer from the tap, and tell Bernie to make my wife here a glass of Manhattan.”
You glance over as the poor waitress stiffens. Her eyes grow wide as she glances back and forth between you and her employer before she stutters, “Y-your wife?”
Leaning forward, you address the girl with a sly grin. “You heard the man. And yes, I’m his dear old wife. Please make sure that Bernie makes mine a little sweet, will you?” you ask her, making her look even more flustered before nodding. “Thank you, darling,” you call out to her with a teasing wink right as she starts scrambling off towards the bar where Bernie—your father’s old fishing mate who is also Namjoon’s second cousin—is tending the bar.
The sound of Namjoon’s deep chuckle pulls your attention back to him. You remember how that sound used to make your stomach twist with butterflies fluttering inside you, and you hate to admit that it is still giving you the same effect, albeit a bit muted due to the fact that everything between you had turned into shambles. You simply doubt that you can escape from feeling all the pain coming back to you again each time you think of the past, so you suppress the sensation happening inside your belly, ignoring it the best you can as you begin to push him into talking.
“Why won’t you sign the divorce papers, Namjoon? I’ve been sending them to you so we can get things over with without us having to go through the court and all the unnecessary legal battles you know waiting for us. All you had to do was sign them. I thought you wanted this? Why do you keep sending them back to me?”
Namjoon says nothing, but keeps his eyes looking down on the table while he rubs his hand over his rugged face. The moment his gaze finds yours again, it looks terribly guarded, as if there is a wall standing between you and he has chosen to hide behind it.
“Don’t you want to move on, maybe get lucky with little miss sweet thing right there?” you ask him with a tilt of your head aimed at the waitress who still seems a bit frazzled as she talks rapidly with another girl. The disbelief on their faces seems almost comical, though it brings an odd feeling into your chest to know that there are girls like them, other women, that he could pick from. Women who seem to adore him the way that waitress does.
While you are suddenly left wondering about this, the question that you have given him finally draws a reaction from him, even if it only comes in the form of a scoff. His eyes soften for a brief moment when he holds back another smile, before they both disappear the moment he notices you watching, soon to be replaced with a faked mirth when he shrugs. “She’s not my type. Frankly, I’m not that big into dating when I legally still have a wife. Even if she’s busy trying to conquer the world, leaving me in this town to rescue old buildings from falling into the ground.”
This time, you are the one giving him a scoff. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been with anyone else since we separated.”
Namjoon doesn’t answer you right away, but falls silent instead. Leaning forward, he crosses his arms and rests them on the table as he levels his gaze on you. His eyes are intense, piercing through you just enough to make you shudder, that you nearly miss it when he answers you with, “I haven’t.”
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“When Daisy told me that Namjoon’s wife is here, I just had to come and deliver these drinks myself.”
Bernie’s large figure fills the space around you just by standing at the side of the booth. He drops the large-sized tankard filled with beer with a loud thump on the table for Namjoon while he sets down your martini cocktail gently for you. Seeing him there and listening to his boastful laugh makes your heart feel warn that you cannot resist sliding out of the booth to wrap your arms around him.
“Bernie, it’s good to see you,” you hum softly as you embrace the man who had become more like a second father to you at some point in your life.
“You look awfully good for a city girl,” Bernie says after patting gently on your back and releasing you. He crosses his arms over his chest, his gaze looking up and down as he takes you in. You have no idea what he sees in you, but you can see pride coming out of his gaze. “Heard from your uncle this morning that you’re home. Didn’t expect to see you hanging around this side of town, much less to visit here. The drink’s on the house, my treat to welcome you home,” he says, nodding at your untouched glass while Namjoon gives him a light scoff. The big guy turns to your soon-to-be ex-husband and raises his eyebrows. “What? You can just cut it off my pay.”
“There’s no need, big guy. He already said he’s paying for this,” you say to him before Namjoon can say a thing.
Bernie raises his brows once more. “Really, now? Then the second glass will be my treat,” he says, before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulls you in to whisper, “Just don’t tell your Dad I gave you more than a glass.”
His sly comment makes you laugh. “You know I’ve passed being twenty-one a long time ago, Bernie. Dad should know that I can handle my drinks just fine.”
“Oh, but you’ll always be your Dad’s baby girl even if you’ve made it big in the city. You know that, don’t ya?” Bernie says with a shake of his head, and then he follows your eyes as you take a good look around, noticing some of the areas that you had failed to pay attention to when you first came in. “See what he did to the place, Pumpkin? Joon here did all of this by himself—with a lot of our help, of course. Said he did it all for—”
“Bernie,” Namjoon quickly cuts him off before Bernie can say anything else. The bartender looks over with a questioning gaze while Namjoon simply stays calm. “You got some customers coming.”
You raise a questioning brow at him, wondering just what Bernie may have been trying to tell you before he was cut off. But Namjoon tilts his chin up towards the bar’s entrance and both you and Bernie turn to look. Sure enough, a group of young men walk past the front door just then, almost too conveniently, letting Bernie know that it is time for him to get back on the job. The big man looks over his shoulder to you and shrugs.
“Right. Well, I’ll catch up with you a little later, Pumpkin,” he says as he playfully messes with your hair before turning back to the bar.
“Take care, big Bernie,” you call out to him then return to your seat, facing Namjoon once again. You avert your eyes when you find him still watching you, taking your time as you taste the drink that had been made for you with a few small sips while letting it run down your throat to calm your nerves.
“So, where were we?” you ask him while leaning back in your seat.
Namjoon remains calm when he answers, “The papers.”
You nod. “And you were telling me why you’re still not signing.”
Once again, Namjoon gives you nothing but silence. He takes a few big gulps from his drink, making you wait until he sets the glass down and leans forward. “Why do you want to get out of this marriage so bad?” he finally asks you, looking awfully curious as he studies your face. Neither of you says a thing until the glint of mirth in his eyes dims down and his smile falls, bringing a painful pinch into your chest upon seeing his reaction. And the pinch brings even more pain when he mutters softly, “You’ve found someone.”
You frown at your hands, unable to look at him. “I’m just trying to move on, Joon.”
Namjoon nods with a blank expression on his face. “And I already told you that I can’t sign it.”
You raise your head and frown at him. “And why is that, exactly?”
Suddenly, his face turns a little sour, though you can see a flash of sadness coming across his face. “Winny.”
Your breath gets caught in your throat while you can feel your heart plummeting down your stomach at the mention of her name. Winny, Namjoon’s grandmother and—legally still—your grandmother-in-law. Though Winny is not exactly her real name, the name that toddler Namjoon had officially given her when he couldn’t specifically call her as ’grandma’ nor that he could pronounce her name properly at such a young age. The name had stuck with your grandmother-in-law ever since, and she had always let both you and Namjoon continue using the name to address her while growing up together, and it had even lasted until you both have grown into adults.
“Did you know that Winny got a heart attack early this year?” Namjoon asks you, and you are beginning to see just where this is all going.
Nodding your head, you take your glass in your hand, taking one swipe of a drink before you can talk about it. “Your Mom called to tell me about it when it just happened. I called your grandmother after she woke up from it and we talked through the phone for a long time,” you begin to tell him, sighing deeply as you recall about the phone conversation that you had with her at the time. A frown comes to you when you recall how the conversation went, how she reacted to your voice, and sympathy comes when you remember everything that she said to you then, “She seemed confused, asking me why I’m not back for the term break yet and if I’ll be home for the holidays. She kept talking as if I hadn’t finished law school or even had the job in the firm yet, and it sounded like she believed that we’re still together.”
Namjoon studies your face for a moment. “And yet you still didn’t question it, nor did you correct her to remind her that we are no longer happily married, or that you had graduated from school years ago.”
Slowly, you only shake your head. “I had to play along cause I didn’t want to upset her.”
Namjoon takes another drink. You can see the sadness in his eyes returning to him full force and it has you doing everything you can to hold back from reaching out to him and hold his hands to give him some comfort. Ever since he was a little boy, Namjoon had always been close to Winny. His grandmother had always been strict to all of her grandchildren, but the woman had treated him a bit special back when he was growing up while at the same time, treated him as if he was her own child, giving him advices that had eventually helped guide Namjoon up to a point where he started making his own mess. That was how the two of them formed a bond with each other when Namjoon was entering adulthood. A tight bond that had always been so strong that you know it would have been hard for Namjoon to deal with her illness.
“She called me this morning, said she heard that you came back home. I’m not sure how she found out, but she was asking a lot of questions about you. She specifically wanted to know why I haven’t taken you to see her yet and if there’s any specific food she should cook for you to welcome you back. Though she might be asking my Mom for help on that,” Namjoon says with a low chuckle, shaking his head. “That was how I found out that you were back in town.”
Hearing this, you can only sigh. You hate to think of the strong-willed woman having trouble with her memories and dealing with her regular days. “What did you say to her?”
Namjoon only shrugs. “I just told her that you might still be exhausted from the trip, and that you would call her once you have gotten some time settling in. You know, all of that. Even if I had no idea how to make that happen. Just like Bernie said, neither of us really expected you’d be coming here on your own.”
You look down on your hands, wondering how things seem to suddenly be on your way. It seems like fate is trying to test you. Just like how it did years ago when you were younger, when you were too hot-headed to play along and had ended up leaving.
Namjoon leans in, whispering softly just so you can be the only one to hear it when he says, “She’s still confused, ______. Her memory is still stuck in the past after that heart attack.”
“I realised that much when I talked to her. I was hoping that it would gradually get better in time. I guess that was a bit too much to hope for,” you answer him, nodding your head solemnly. Deep down, you really do feel sad for her. Winny had always been larger than life, easy and fun to be with, and had always been the wise voice that you listened to when you were still together with Namjoon. The situation makes you feel bad about it. And yet, it doesn’t stop you from wondering, “What does signing the divorce papers have to do with Winny’s condition?”
Namjoon pinches his lips together and clenches his jaw for a moment. “The old Winny before the heart attack had known that we were separated. And though she kept trying to get us to reconcile, she was starting to accept the fact that we may never get back together,” he says, lowering his voice as he speaks, even if there is no one getting close enough to listen in. “Present-day Winny still thinks that you are returning next year after finishing law school and that we are still going to run her old office once my dad and uncle retire.”
Sighing, you murmur softly to yourself when you finally understand, “She still thinks that we’re together and still happily married.”
Namjoon’s jaw tightens when he nods his head. “That’s not the only problem,” he whispers, sounding nearly like a groan when he is speaking while letting out an exasperated sigh. “Do you remember our deal, when we first got into this marriage?”
Your mind instantly flies back to the past. To the moment when you had just graduated from high school, when you were both had been so young and lost after making one of the biggest mistakes of your lives and receiving a blessing that had come at the worst period of time, and how both your family and Namjoon’s had cornered you both to the point that you had almost agreed to Namjoon’s suggestion of running away and eloping just to escape their wrath. That had been a messy time of your lives until Winny swooped in, playing devil’s advocate as she tried to diffuse the situation in her own way before all hell would break loose.
Then you are reminded of the one crucial part of the entire ordeal that had changed everything.
The trust fund.
The account that Winny had set up for your small growing family, all to ease the tension running through both families upon finding out their high school graduates kids were expecting a baby instead of college acceptance letters, and to reassure both you and Namjoon that you would be taken care of no matter what your fathers had tried to punish you both with. It was the part of the deal that had you agreeing to legally marry each other before the baby would come along and to have it occurring right in front of your entire family and about a half part of the town attending the ceremony as witnesses.
How you had forgotten about all of this is beyond you. It feels like such a long time ago, a distant memory of your past that had somehow gotten buried almost completely in the back of your mind. And yet, you can feel the same dread and grief that you haven’t felt for a long time rolling through you at the thought of it.
“After we lost our—” Namjoon’s voice breaks before he could say it out loud, and he clears his throat before he can continue. “She still kept the trust fund, telling my Dad that she would one day hand everything to both of us if we ever get back together.”
Your eyes grow wide upon hearing this. Though you have always known what Winny had been planning to do, you had never thought that she would actually keep her words. And that she would have waited for this long to keep the account running despite seeing no other possibilities that you and Namjoon would come back together.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Namjoon looks at you with a mix of hope and depletion in his eyes, before he finally gets to the point. “I have—some plans. Big plans. And I won’t lie to you, I’m going to need that money. I thought that perhaps I could just borrow it so I can have things running and then I would return them once everything pulls through. Just as long as she doesn’t go and donate the funds someplace else first. That’s what she said to us, by the way. That she’d rather hand the money to someone else that would actually care about it than let it sit in her account with nowhere to go because we’re too stubborn to—you know.”
Surprised to hear this new development, on what sounds more like a threat that—you do have to admit—does sound like something Winny would say, you cannot help but laugh. “Would she really do something like that?”
Namjoon’s lips curl to a small smile. “She may have implied a few times—almost at least twice each year—that she would do it one day. That was before she got sick,” he says with a sigh, and you can only shake your head in wonder.
“So how are we supposed to do this? How are the legal work and the papers play a role in this?”
Namjoon ponders about it for a moment before speaking with a low voice, “I’ll sign the papers, if you really want me to, but I’m going to need your help first. My parents have been talking about having a family retreat, rent a cottage up in the mountains for a quiet Christmas family outing so Winny can get the break she needs. Initially, it would have been just us, the immediate family. But Winny already knows that you’re in town and she sounded terribly excited to see you and to spend time with you while you’re here, so I figured that this might be a good chance.”
And too much of a coincidence, you wonder to yourself. But you say nothing. Because Namjoon has no way to arrange all of this just when you are coming back just to sever the ties. Once again, you curse at fate, hating the way you are forced to play its game yet again.
“Come with me, join us, stay a bit longer in town, just until after we’ve shown Winny that we’re doing okay. You know that she adores you so much, so maybe having you with her would help her get better,” Namjoon continues, sounding almost pleading when he shares his ideas. “Unfortunately, playing a role and acting like a regular married couple in front of her won’t be enough. We need to make sure that we’re still legally married while we’re doing all of that act together, just in case she goes out of her way and checks everything out.”
Chuckling softly, you cannot help but smile. “Knowing Winny, I suppose that we do have to prepare for something like that to happen. As long as she finds a way, she’d be digging everything out to expose us for deceiving her,” you murmur softly as you think of Winny and her antics.
Namjoon laughs. “Don’t forget that she has her own lawyers. Might not be as big as you guys in the big city, but these people would do anything that Winny asks them to. I don’t think my Dad or uncle would be able to do anything to cover it up once the divorce is legalised before I can get my hands on the money.”
Laughing at this, you know that he is absolutely right. Your mind flies back to another period of time in the past where Winny had gone and send out her lawyers to handle the mess that her grandchildren had created all over town. Once, she had even sent out the same lawyers to investigate the tenant of a new apartment building where Namjoon’s sister lived, accusing them of trying to con the poor girl by setting up some shady deals when she was trying to extend her rent for another year.
Winny had always been protective of her family, and she had always managed to find a way, no matter how extensive, to make sure everyone is safe.
“How important is it to you to pull this through? How badly do you want—no, need it, that you have to go this far?”
Namjoon smiles at your question. “You tell me. You are the one who has always had big dreams to chase,” he says, and you can sense a sudden change in his voice. Something that sounds wistful, while at the same time, a bit envious, even. But then his expression turns a bit solemn. “But I also want to see Winny get better. We’ve tried everything. We’ve turned to different doctors, hospitals, specialists, and we even got her through a bunch of therapies that did no good but left her feeling tired all the time that we had to stop everything before things would go from bad to worse. You are pretty much our only hope at this point.”
And mine.
Those were the words that he didn’t say out loud, but you can see it in his eyes. The desperate need to make sure that things will go in his way. It makes you curious to know what he has planned, perhaps something to do with his project on restoring old places and bringing this town back up—just like what your uncle said about something that Namjoon seems to want.
There is a mix of different feelings running inside you after listening to him speak. Starting with a punch in the gut when he mentioned your ‘dreams’, feeling like he was taunting you about it. Then there is the same pinch of sympathy and dread when you think about the woman that you had looked up to for a long time having such a hard time. Suddenly, you just want to be there for her, to help her and her family for one last time before you would walk away from all of this for good, just like the way she had been helping you through one of the toughest times of your life then.
And perhaps, in the process, you can help Namjoon too. For old time sake.
“Fine, I’ll stay for the charade. I’ll help you, as long as you promise to sign the divorce papers before I leave town,” you say this to Namjoon, keeping your eyes looking straight into his. “But I’ll only stay until after the family retreat, and not a day longer.”
The expression Namjoon is giving you is still unreadable, and you are starting to hate just how you are unable to read through him when you used to know him better than you knew yourself. But there is also something in his eyes that you manage to catch on to before it fades. A feeling of relief, as if you had just given him hope, no matter how small it is compared to what he truly needs. Though he is quick to mask it all away, hiding his emotions much better than you ever could have when he nods and answers you with,
“Understood.”
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Coming home from meeting Namjoon has left you feeling more lost than resolved.
You had known that it wouldn’t be easy to get through to him and you had gone to see him without so much of a hope to return with the result that you had wanted on your first try. You had known all along that Namjoon may have something up his sleeve because you have been sending the divorce papers repeatedly for the past year only to have him sending them back to you.
You had drafted the divorce papers ever since the day you realised that there was no way you were going to get back together when neither of you even bothered to make any effort of communicating with each other during the time you were apart. Not the same way you and Namjoon did it when you had simply gone away to law school. And after what had happened three years ago, you had thought that everything had officially ended.
You had always wondered why Namjoon had been so adamant in keeping this marriage together when there had been nothing left to fight for. But seeing him today and listening to his side of the story had given you a new perspective on the matter.
Had Winny always been a part of it?
You have had a lot of theories on why Namjoon would deny you the divorce when he had made it seem like he wanted nothing to do with you, not after the big fight you had that had sent you packing up and leave. But it had never crossed your mind that perhaps he had simply done it to be able to claim the trust fund from Winny.
But would that have been the case at all?
And if it was, then why does it make you feel—disappointed to hear it, when you had never even considered about the possibilities that he may still have some hopes to turn things around. No, you are not going there, you shake your head and scold yourself for even letting your mind stray to a place that you had not let yourself venture into for a long time. A place in your mind that you had pushed so far back by living your life away from the memories—burying all thoughts of your past by working the long hours, taking in the big cases that had left you too exhausted to think at the end of the day to remember him at all, making new acquaintances that had no knowledge of your past back home.
Starting a new relationship.
You had never intended to seek a new chance in a relationship with another man, nor have you ever expected to have Matthew, the junior associate that had only joined the law firm last year to somehow show any interest in you as soon as you met him and to have him pursuit you so publicly until you finally agreed to start going out with him. You had thought it would only turn out to be a fling or that he would have given up on you as soon as he recognised the walls you had put around you to guard your heart. But he had always been so insistent, and never once had he wavered no matter how much you tried to push him away.
And you certainly had never expected that he would ask you to marry him this soon, or ever, before you had any chance to deal with your past.
The sounds of laughter filling the room completely snaps you out of it, taking you back to your family who has gathered in the dining room for what would be the second family dinner where everyone is present. And it is not even Christmas night yet.
Sitting at the end of the table is your Dad, who is telling jokes from his workplace with the help of his brother, your uncle who had taken the seat on the other end. Your mother sits right across from you, forcing your brother to sit separately from his wife as he takes the seat right next to your Mom while your sister in law chooses to sit by your side.
Looking at your family together, you feel warmth surging inside your chest. Your arrival at home had become some kind of a momentous affair and everyone, who had rarely come to join your parents for dinner, had agreed to come just to spend time with you while you are home. For the past few nights since your return, the house has already felt a bit more festive, and it already feels like Christmas even if you still have a few more days to go.
Being here with them and seeing them gathering like this makes you realise that your departure from the town may have caused more heartaches than you had thought. That you might have not only broken off your marriage with Namjoon when you left, but had somehow created a complete mess in the family dynamics when you broke their hearts by leaving them as well.
You try to join the conversation as much as you can to ease the guilt, but your mind keeps going back to the conversation that you had with Namjoon today, replaying every word in your head until you can almost hear his voice all over again.
“You’ve found someone.”
You recall how he had said those words, the odd look on his face and the low tone of voice that he had when he spoke. Had it been hurt that you saw in his eyes?
You had no idea whether or not to believe him when he said that he had never been with anyone else even after you had parted ways. It suddenly seemed unfair to think about it, though you don’t really have the interest to worry about him the way you used to. Not anymore.
You had spent too many years doing so in the past and look at where it got you. The small voice in your head is always there to remind you of the heartache that you had carried with you when you left town back then each time you begin to dwell too far into the past.
Focus on the future, you hear the same voice whispering to you once again, and your thumb easily slides to find the empty ring finger to brush against the indentation left by your engagement ring.
A regretful sigh escapes you when you think about the gorgeous diamond ring, of how you have kept it hidden in your purse still, never once putting it on ever since you had gotten here. You had been wearing it with pride since the day of the proposal, and yet, just thinking about the ring alone simply gives you a sense of shame as you sit there in the middle of your family with your secrets hidden too deep for them to see it.
You know that you would eventually have to reveal to your family and have them know that you had gotten engaged to someone else. You know that you cannot possibly hide it any longer, but there is no way your parents would take the news lightly, not while you are still legally married to Namjoon. Not until once the divorce is finalised and the ties between you and Namjoon would officially be severed through a simple exchange of signatures. Not while your parents are still following their old, conservative ways, and the news certainly would not make it easy to share with the kind of past that you have.
After all, it was only seven years ago when you came to your parents, straight out of high school, admitting to them that you had gotten pregnant because both you and Namjoon had been irresponsible and reckless about it. Not to mention the occasional events where you had gotten caught doing the naughties while you were both still dating each other all through high school to basically give your parents some clue of just how careless you had been then.
Thinking about it now, you suddenly cringe at the memory of your father coming home early from work to find you riding Namjoon’s lap on the wooden bench that he had built for your mother on the back porch.
It had happened during your senior year of high school, about a year after you began dating Namjoon and only weeks after losing your virginity to him. The night had ended with your father giving Namjoon ’the talk’ while keeping hold of him in the living room while your mother kept you in the dining room to have a long conversation about the birds and the bees. Not that it had done any good at the end.
Knowing what they had perceived you with your wanton ways as a teenage girl, there is no doubt where their mind would venture into had they known you have been having a relationship with another man. And they are not the only ones whose thoughts on it matter to you, you soon realise.
“I haven’t.”
You remember Namjoon admitting to you when you had thought that he might have been finding other women to spend his time with after you were gone. An admission that had made you feel relieved and yet guilty at the same time of what he might have been thinking when you implied to him about finding someone new. That he might imagine you sleeping with another man while you still hold the title of being his wife—even if they had only been nothing but in written papers.
There is no way for you to let him know the truth. That even when you let yourself open your heart to allow Matthew in, even if you had allowed yourself to feel love again, never once had you gone so far with Matthew to even sleep on the same bed with him, much less to make love to him. Not when the ties you still had with Namjoon had always held you back, stopping you from getting too far. Not when you would feel guilty and would think of yourself like a traitor to even receive something so simple like a kiss.
“I haven’t.”
His words continue to echo inside your head, while you silently admit the painful truth that you couldn’t give him then.
Neither have I.
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Three years ago…
You had once thought that you have had everything figured out. By the time you were in senior high school, you had everything planned out perfectly, all the possible ways that you could go through to achieve your goals written down from start to finish—starting from how you were going to leave town, then to study in a good university that could later bring you to places and lead you closer towards your dream. You had envisioned yourself to be someone who was more, someone who could go far and do bigger things in life, instead of being stuck in this small town for the rest of your life just like all the others.
Namjoon had always been in the picture since way before you had even started painting all these visions in your head.
When you were little, Namjoon had been the only one who was willing to listen to you rambling about your dreams, the only one who wouldn’t look at you funny over your obsession with your princess stories and on finding your own fairy tale ending. It had always been easy to share these things with Namjoon simply because he also had his own big dreams to share.
Just like you, Namjoon had always wanted to leave town, to venture out to new places, and he had found his own way to reach it as he joined the basketball team at school and had been playing while keeping his eyes on the sports scholarship as his ticket for his upcoming adventure. Together, you had written out all the details, planned out all the steps, and you had both been nothing but confident in achieving them as long as you had each other.
It took you rewriting your entire life story and the scenarios that you had envisioned since you were a young girl to finally understand that life could never be that simple.
No matter what your parents had called it, you would have never looked at it as a mistake. Having an unplanned pregnancy when you were still too young had been completely terrifying, a surprise that had come uninvited but had always been welcomed, and you still managed to adjust with all the changes, rewriting all the plans to fit the baby into your lives.
All of a sudden, you had no choice but to forget about all the universities you had been applying to and to set your mind in preparing for the baby, in learning and practising on how to become good parents, and building your small family with Namjoon. Your life suddenly expanded so rapidly that you had to shrink down your dreams. You had ended up having more reasons to stay in town, where you would have more people helping you, your families standing by your sides to guide you all the way through. The magical wedding you had envisioned many years ago became something more simple, more intimate, all to save up enough money to buy cribs, to afford to buy the small cabin near the lake where you could have your privacy and enough space for the nursery, and to save up enough funds for you to apply for the community college so you could still earn your degree.
Once again, you were all set up for another adventure, and Namjoon was always there with you to share the journey. It was the two of you against the world as you anticipated for your little one to come, until once again, fate played a twisted game by sending you to another turning point where you had to walk through a different course in life.
An entire ordeal sent your world tilting off its axis, sending you to a new, empty path where there was no more baby, no more chance of having the small beautiful family that you had envisioned, and the only thing that was left had been your dreams, coloured with the sorrow of your loss and the crumbling hope of ever getting a little break.
The loss and grief had been so great, but you used those emotions to continue on moving, ignoring the pity look everyone was giving you as you carried on with your classes and exams and pushed yourself until you could figure out how to be able to get out of the town that had become even more suffocating with the memory of what you had lost. Slowly, you began rewriting a new story of your own, using the last bit of hope you had left to find your new happy ending.
The only thing you had never expected was to find yourself going down this new path on your own, while Namjoon remained stuck in the moment of grief.
You had somehow managed to excel through community college and was heading out to law school when you made a deal with Namjoon that he would soon join you. He had let go of the scholarship that he had gotten through basketball when he had his mind set on staying behind to build a family with you before giving up on basketball and chasing his dream entirely. But you gave him all the time and space he needed, choosing to wait instead of pushing him to run. You had gone to the big city on your own to attend law school, feeling confident enough to survive the temporary long-distance relationship until he would be ready to join you. Even if you were the one who had to make the effort of keeping the relationship last—from being the one to come to visit the town and spend time with him to set everything up for your future together for the day he would be ready for it.
It wasn’t until during the final visit that you made right before you were graduating from law school when you realised that Namjoon had never made an effort to move on and had completely given up—on everything.
“Is it so wrong to want more?”
That was the question that you had asked him then, when he had fought against every effort that you had put through to be able to continue on living and to push him into getting back on his feet so he could give his own dreams another chance.
“Is it so wrong for me to continue on living? For me to want you to live instead of—” you were too emotional to even form any word and had been waving your arms around instead, pointing at the messy bedroom in the cabin where he had been holed up in while you were away. “This has been going on for too long, Joon. You can’t put your life on hold like this, not this long.”
You had hoped that you could get through him somehow, change his mindset so he could try again and do it together with you. But the more you spoke, it kept getting clearer that nothing you said could get through to him. You might as well had been talking to a brick wall with the way he kept being obstinate, too stubborn for his own good, and it was getting too tiring to even try. But you had to, if not for his sake, then for the sake of saving your marriage. Even if you could feel the last sliver of hope you had was slowly chipping away the more you spoke to him.
“What’s the point? I won’t get drafted anywhere by now. That chance has been lost for me.” His eyes were hard as he said this, and it was obvious that he had made his own mind about it. A flash of depletion came flashing out of his eyes when he finally returned your gaze after he kept avoiding your eyes the entire time, before the hardness returned and you saw nothing but lost hope. “Perhaps it’s just not meant to be,” he muttered, and it was both disheartening, enough to make you feel hurt inside, while at the same time it made your blood start boiling with your devastation.
“So what? You’re just going to hole up here for the rest of your life doing nothing?” you scoffed at him, finally snapping at him. “Haven’t you thought about how it could possibly be your second chance? That maybe it’s a sign for you to try again?”
When all he could give you was silence, the only thing you could do was shake your head, still refusing to accept this. “All I’m asking you is for you to try. With me. We can do this together.”
Namjoon clenched his jaw for a moment. “What if it’s not something that I want?” he said then. “I don’t have big dreams like you do.”
The painful pinch inside your chest almost made it impossible for you to speak. “You used to have dreams.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, but look at where it got me. Look at where it got us. You wouldn’t have gotten a miscarriage if it wasn’t for—” His voice was strangled with emotions that he simply stopped, the clench of his jaw tightened as he tried to hold back from saying anything more, from talking about him—the baby boy that had once hold your entire world while he was still living inside your womb.
For some reason, you had expected this. The loss had been too great for both of you and you were both had been too young to deal with the grief. It had taken a lot for you to finally be able to move on, to leave the town where you had buried your unborn child. You could see the grief in his eyes, appearing just as strongly as how you had felt it. You understood fully well the pain that he felt. Hell, you were the one who carried the child for almost nine months before he suddenly stopped moving inside your belly.
No more brain activity, they said, reassuring you that the exhaustion that you had from splitting your days between classes, working on your part-time job, and supporting Namjoon in his games had nothing to do with it. But it was harder to convince Namjoon about it when his guilt had been planted too deep in his mind, when he still blamed himself for letting you join him on his away game and getting you sick days before it happened.
“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just happened!” you nearly screamed as you tried to make him see this, but then you took a deep breath and decided to try a different angle. “Look, I’ve gotten things figured out. I’m graduating in a few months and I’ve applied for a job at a law firm so that I can—”
“Good for you, then. I’ve always known that you would make it,” he cut you off before you could even begin to lay out your plans, everything that you had envisioned for when he would finally join you in the city. Namjoon had a smile on his face when he said this, and something in your head was telling you that nothing about it was right.
“I want you to be there with me. I’ve been waiting for the moment that you would finally come with me so we can make it together,” you said to him with a small voice while Namjoon only kept shaking his head.
“I can’t join you.”
You began moving your head from side to side. You hated the thought of giving him an ultimatum, but you knew that you could no longer put your life on hold for him. “I can’t wait for you until you change your mind on your own.”
The way Namjoon was looking at you made your heart stop, before you could feel a crack building when he said, “Then we’re at an impasse.”
“I suppose we are,” was the only thing you could say to him, though you could barely get the words out when your throat was caught, both with pain and anger. “I’ve spent days, weeks, worrying about you, planning and preparing for everything so you can join me—”
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
Your heart was pounding so hard at this point that you could barely hear your own voice. “What do you mean?” you asked him, your voice almost strangled with the pain hurting you from within. You could almost hear it when your heart was starting to break apart, but you needed to be sure. “Are you saying—”
His eyes softened when he looked at you, even if you could see the hardness in them when he gave you a smile, giving you a false sense of sincerity when he said. “I’m saying that it’s not worth it. I’ll always love you, _____. But I don’t think this is going to work anymore. It’s obvious that we’re both walking in two different paths now. We’ll end up hurting each other if we continue doing this, you know that.”
You were too lost for words to speak, too broken to respond to him. Tears began to form in your eyes, but you refused to cry right in front of him. Breathing in deeply, you swallow all the pain down, letting your rage take its place.
“Fuck you, Namjoon. You’re right. It’s not worth it. I’m sorry I even wasted my time with you.”
That was the last thing you ever said to him before turning away, not giving him another glance when you walked away from him, leaving him and the town behind for good as you silently accepted the fact that you would never find your happy ending in this place. Not anymore.
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Present day…
[from Matthew] I’m sorry about what I said on the phone last night. I was feeling disappointed that I won’t get to see you this weekend and I unintentionally took it out on you. I hope you’re having a great time with your family. Please call me back.
You barely finish reading the whole text before shutting the app off and tossing the cellphone into your purse with a deep sigh. You turn away to look out the window, watching the trees and the hills passing by as Namjoon keeps on driving up the mountain roads, hoping that the silence and the sight of the scenery—even though you have them all covered under a blanket of snow—can calm you down before getting into the whole charade.
But nothing seems to go past Namjoon’s attention, when he only gives you a brief moment of silence before asking, “Is there something wrong?”
Pressing your lips together, you silently contemplate your answer. What are you supposed to tell him? That you had a fight last night through the phone call with your fiancé after letting him know that you will be staying a bit longer, that it is still unnerving to you just how mad your fiancé got after hearing that you are having an extended Christmas celebration with your family instead of coming home the next morning after Christmas dinner like you had promised him you would? Or should you tell him how upset your fiancé had been when you had accidentally sent him a photo of yourself at home while you weren’t wearing the engagement ring? That would surely start quite an interesting conversation with your husband—even if the title that he still carries would only last until the moment all of this charade is over.
“Nothing,” you finally answer him before turning to look at his face. Sometimes you still feel like you are dreaming when you see him driving this fancy four-wheel truck by himself. He used to hate driving through town, choosing to either ride with his friends or hitch a ride with your brother in his truck whenever he had to go to places that would have needed quite a drive from home. He seems to be a lot calmer and more collected now as he leads the truck up the tricky roads, knowing exactly where to go without so much of a fuss. Unlike back then when he had sat right by your side when you first learned how to drive.
“It’s just nerves,” you quickly add as soon as you notice that Namjoon is still expecting for you to explain. “I suppose it’s finally getting to me that we’re going to be holed up in one place, together with two families and a very attentive grandmother. And we’ll be coming in as an estranged married couple in the middle of it. Oh, let’s add the fact that I haven’t been in town for three years to know everything that’s been going on so I’m not completely sure just how we are supposed to pass Winny’s test with flying colours.”
Namjoon chuckles softly as he keeps his eyes on the road. “If you put it that way, I guess I’d be nervous about it too,” he says, suddenly reaching out to grab your hand and give it a little squeeze. “Don’t worry, we got this. We already had our stories lined up and I’m sure that she wouldn’t notice how detached you have been with the family and the whole town. She still thinks you’ve been away in school, after all.”
The touch that Namjoon gives you makes your chest stir a little. It has you growing rigid in your seat when your body seems to be reacting to him and yet you try your best to hide it. But the moment he pulls away, you immediately feel the loss. Your eyes follow his hand as he grips the steering wheel while you clench your hands on your lap, already missing his light touch and wishing to have his hand resting on yours again.
Grabbing your empty left hand with your right one, you clutch them together tightly to stop yourself from reaching out to him just as you respond to him, “That is true. But we need to make sure to remind my Mom not to talk about Missy’s pregnancy with her third child since it wouldn’t line up with the timeline.” You almost roll your eyes when you say this, since it is the only thing that your mother had been talking about during family dinners. Especially since your best friend had specifically asked your mother if she would be available to watch over the other two little ones when the time would come for the baby to arrive.
You almost grimace when you think about this. It’s not that you are not happy with Missy’s good news. But being near a pregnant woman had always made you feel uncomfortable, much less to hear it being talked about constantly. It doesn’t matter if she is your best friend and that she had been there during your own pregnancy and your loss, but being reminded of that phase in your life had been extremely hard for you to deal with.
“Dutifully noted,” Namjoon responds to you with a smile, unaware of where your mind had wandered off to. “How are your parents taking this, though? I know that this situation isn’t quite ideal and it doesn’t seem fair to get them all involved.”
You release a sigh. “It sure isn’t, but they try to understand. They both care about Winny, after all, so they didn’t question it too much. I think the prospect of getting to enjoy the holiday break outside of the house became their top priority to think about so they really don’t think much about everything else.”
Your parents had been surprised when you told them about your plans to join Namjoon and his family on their trip to the mountains. Whatever they had expected when you announced that you were going to see Namjoon and to have one of the most life-changing conversations of all, it was probably nowhere close to this, and neither of you could imagine it would end up this way. But then Namjoon extended his invitation to have your parents come along on the trip, and they simply stopped questioning it. Even if it has become pretty obvious that your father is still feeling a bit wary about the whole thing.
As the drive continues and the air grows denser, you are relieved that there is only the two of you in this ride, with your families traveling separately as they all left early at dawn to beat the bad weather. While Namjoon’s parents had gone to the mountain cottage first with Winny and his sister, you had convinced your parents and your dear uncle to join Bernie in his truck so that you can have some more time with Namjoon to plan things out properly. It had also been his idea to come together as a unit, showing a front that would please Winny by coming together in the same car as if you had been staying in the same old cabin that you had lived in with Namjoon since you came back.
“How do your parents feel about all of this?” you ask him in the middle of the conversation, just as you are reminded of his mother, who had treated you like a second daughter since you got married to Namjoon. You have grown so close to each other that she had even gone to the city with your parents to attend your graduation from law school three years ago.
“Just as I told you before, all we really want is for Winny to get better. No matter at what cost. They, uh—they know what we’re planning to do, but only to the point that we are going to be there together to indulge Winny. I can definitely say that the news had pretty much surprised my parents when I told them about you coming on this trip, but I think they’re just happy to know that you’re going to be there for her. That, and because we can finally have you joining our family this year.”
You nod your head, ignoring the feeling of longing blooming in your chest at the thought of meeting his family again. “How’s your Mom doing?”
Namjoon’s smile grows. “She’s doing great. She’s been busy with her shop downtown, but overall, I think she’s having the best time of her life with it,” he says, his eyes flickering between you and the road while his smile widens when he sees you smiling back.
“I’m glad to hear that. She had always wanted to do her own thing.”
“She’s also been helping me out at the bar. You know that she’s acting as the head manager, right? Practically Bernie’s boss and she gets to boss see around, even if I own the fucking place,” he says with a chuckle that rises up to a series of laughter after seeing your reaction to what he had just told you. “I’m serious! She was the first person to support me when I told everyone I was going to buy the property and rebuild the place. Then she got all excited when the place was coming together that she simply offered to get involved. She began by tending the bar with Bernie, making sure to help me run the whole thing once I officially had it open for business. She usually bartends during the day while serving lunch. You just happened to come during the days when she took a break and let Bernie work all day.”
Picturing yourself entering the bar with your mother-in-law standing behind the counter has you laughing amusedly. “I would have probably shocked her pants off if she had been there when I first came by.”
He gives you a small smile before he turns back to the road. “Especially with those papers in your hand,” you hear him muttering softly, though the rumbling sound of his truck drowns the words that you are not completely sure if you had heard him correctly. And he gives you no chance to question it when he makes a sudden turn, leaving the main road to drive through a long gravel-covered road until a fenced property comes to sight.
“We’re here,” he says as he drives through the wide opened front gate, slowing the truck down until a rather spacious plane of snow and a frozen pond appear, and the cottage—that does not fit its title at all—rises to view. The cottage, as Namjoon has called it, is a three-story mountain lodging with red brick walls, massive stone columns protruding on its sides. Large windows with rustic wood frames fill the sides of the lodge, overlooking the beautiful scenery of the snow covered mountains and trees, while the open balcony on the upper floor seems to be enough to fit the entire family to hang out on if anyone wants to stay out in the cold.
“This place looks amazing,” you find yourself muttering softly as you marvel at the beautiful sight of the building, while Namjoon remains silent as he drives his fancy truck to the side, finding the empty spot between Bernie’s fancy truck and your uncle’s older one that has already gotten covered with a thin veil of snow.
Namjoon sets the truck to a park before leaning back in his seat. Then he turns to you just as you look at him, a smile on his face when he says, “Thank you.”
It takes you a moment before you finally understand what he is trying to say.
“You built it,” you tell him rather than asking him for confirmation, and Namjoon gives you nothing but a smile to respond. “I thought you said your family is renting the place?”
Namjoon nods. “It belongs to the Mayor. But I was the one who helped build it, renovated it from the old hunting cabin that he inherited from his father to look the way it is now. All I did was added more floors and built bigger rooms inside to fit a whole family. It did make it easier for us to get a cheap price to stay here through Christmas because of that. The man is also an old friend of Winny’s from school, so I think that’s also the reason why he’s letting us use the place for as long as we want to.”
You open your mouth to make a comment, but find yourself unable to find the right words. You don’t even give the lodge another look, too amused at your husband. You have been hearing different things about him from the people around you—how much he has changed, how far he had turned his life around after you were gone, and you are beginning to see him in a different light.
In a way, it amuses you just how far he can go once he put his mind on it. On the other hand, it makes you feel—jealous, betrayed, dejected, because this is exactly what you had wanted from him years ago. This is the side of him that you had wanted to see, and all he did then was defy you, constantly refusing your help and support while not being able to see how much you wanted to help him become the person he is today. And it is somehow hurting you to find out that he had only chosen to start trying again once you were out of the picture, and only once you were no longer a part of his life.
Which only shows that he surely had not been doing all of this for you.
“Shall we come in? I have a feeling that everyone would have been waiting for us.” Namjoon glances towards the lodging before looking at you, keeping a smile on his face as he is still unaware of how you have your mind wandering off to the past or to even notice the hurt you are feeling in your chest.
Suddenly, not only does he appear to you like a new person, you only see him as a stranger. Perhaps he was right, after all, when he said that the two of you had been walking in different paths. That maybe it was not meant to be. That you had always meant to walk another path without him by your side. Somehow, keeping this thought only helps seal your mind into getting things done as soon as possible and return to the life waiting for you once this is all over.
“Alright, let’s get things rolling.”
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If you had been mesmerised by its outer skin, you find yourself getting more amused and astounded as Namjoon takes you inside the lodge.
His mother welcomes you at the front door with a big hug, lingering for a moment to squeeze you in her arms as if you are still the young girl she used to watch over when your parents were away. “It’s so good to see you again, ______,” she whispers to you, lowering her voice so that you would be the only one to hear her.
“I’m happy to see you again too,” you respond to her before you part ways, and you nearly tear up with emotions when you find her still smiling at you with her glossy eyes taking you in.
“Come say hi to everyone else.”
Letting Namjoon takes your hand in his, you walk hand-in-hand to enter the main living room where everyone is gathering, sitting and lounging on the loveseats with warm drinks and snacks that fill the air with their wonderful fragrance, no doubt Winny’s creation straight from her own kitchen. You linger briefly near the foyer to talk with your in-laws first, before greeting your parents who are joined by your uncle and Bernie near the fireplace. Right across the room, sitting close to the massive Christmas tree—one that appears to have been cut straight from the mountain forest before it was placed inside the room—together with Namjoon’s sister is Winny, who is looking straight at you with wide eyes and her smile hidden behind the cup she is holding up as she takes dainty sips of her drink.
Namjoon pulls you to his side as you walk away from your parents, brushing his lips across your temple as he whispers, “Don’t be nervous.”
“Got it,” you whisper back to him, giving him a smile as he pulls back. You let him guide you to grab a drink from the nearest table where the refreshments have been set up before walking over to greet Winny.
However, right before you can make it to the table and grab the hot chocolate drink that seems to be calling your name, Winny stops both you and Namjoon from moving across the room when she suddenly calls out,
“Stop. Hold it right there!”
Both you and Namjoon stop moving at the same time and your heartbeat begins to rise. You are practically clutching his hand tightly in yours and almost clinging onto his arm completely just to keep yourself from crumbling on the floor. Feeling completely scrutinised under Winny’s gaze, your nerves begin spiking up that you are too afraid to make a move. Just as you are beginning to feel the blood draining from your face, wondering if you had somehow shown a tell to blow this whole charade before it has any chance to start, a bright smile grows on Winny’s face, while her eyes are filled with mirth and joy and something else that you cannot truly decipher.
Suddenly, she raises a hand and points up, aiming right above your heads and says, “Look, you are standing right below a mistletoe. You know it’s a bad omen to step away from it without a kiss.”
Your heart drops, while Winny looks too adorably excited that you find no way to deny her. So you turn to your husband, meeting his wide eyes that are looking at you with pure confusion and doubt, before his gaze shows a silent understanding when he pulls you closer and wraps his arm around your waist. He gives you a small smile as his head dips, the mask that he has been wearing around you slipping from his face for the briefest moment before his lips are suddenly on yours, giving you a chaste kiss that feels too good and yet ends too soon. The kiss feels brief, and yet it is enough to set your whole body to come alive, to bring warmth rolling in waves from where he is kissing and touching you and all the way down to the tip of your toes.
And for some strange reason, you refuse to let this feeling fade away too soon. He tries to pull away once he ends the kiss, but you immediately wrap your arms around his neck to keep him close.
“Need to make it believable, remember?” you whisper against his lips, before pushing yourself up to your tiptoes so you can press your lips on his, starting with a chaste kiss that feels just as innocent as the one he gave you. Only that instead of pulling away, you press harder, moulding your lips with his to let it linger.
Namjoon grows stiff at first, before his hold on your body tightens, pulling you further into his chest as he begins to return the kiss with the same fervour, his tongue slipping out sneakily as he devours your lips to have a taste, and it has your body lighting up as if he had set up a flame somewhere deep within you.
A soft sigh escapes from your throat and it snaps you right out of it, clearing out your muddled brain to remind you of where you are. Ever so gently, you pull away, keeping your arms around him still when you open your eyes, finding him watching you with dilated eyes that are slowly filled with a hint of shock. Though you can easily see that there is also warmth in his gaze, a hint of longing that has your heart pinching tightly in your chest.
“Oh, that’s what I’ve been waiting to see, my favourite couple being full of love the way they always do,” Winny exclaims with a soft clap. Everyone in the room gives a burst of nervous laughter—except for Bernie who is standing in the corner with a knowing smile on his face and Namjoon’s mother who is watching you with a pair of glossy eyes that she quickly hides by turning to grab her glass from the table—but Winny doesn’t seem to notice this as she rises from her seat and makes her way towards the two of you.
“Look at you,” she says, taking your face in her palms just as Namjoon releases you from his hold. “You’ve become an elegant woman already. Oh, why did time have to move so fast? I used to be able to watch you grow and suddenly you are looking so mature it feels like time has completely slipped right out of me. ”
Guilt slowly seeps in, but you force a smile to your face when you answer her, “It’s good to see you again, Winny. I’m sorry I’ve been away.”
For a moment, the only thing that Winny does is to look at you, her gaze studying you closely with an intense look that you cannot possibly read even as you are looking at her closely. “I’ve missed you too, kiddo. But I’m glad to see you two back here together again,” she says, giving you an odd look on her face as she speaks, making you start questioning things silently and feeling your doubt brewing inside your head. Before you can think too much of it, Winny turns her gaze to Namjoon and smiles gently. “Joon must have felt relieved to see you back home.”
“Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” you try to lighten things up with a joke, though you still find it hard to hide the nervous chuckle bubbling from inside you. Noticing this, Namjoon wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you back to him, pressing you to his side.
“Don’t listen to her, Winny. Of course it makes me happy to have her home with me,” he says, once again planting a kiss on the top of your head.
Seeing this, Winny simply nods her head. “Well, I better let you kids go to your room and rest. I know it was a long drive. Go on, grab some hot chocolate and snacks or take your time to get settled in and come back down to have a drink with me once you’re ready.”
Once the short encounter is done, you part ways with Winny, giving her another hug before leaving the room. Namjoon takes you upstairs, leading you to the bedroom that you would be sharing with each other during your stay. He keeps holding your hand even when nobody is looking and he only lets you go once you are in the room.
“This is it. I hope it’s okay that we’re going to be holed up here for a while,” Namjoon smiles sheepishly while you turn your eyes away to find the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. All of a sudden, your body feels warm just thinking about sharing the room and perhaps split the bed with him. But then you hear Namjoon clearing his throat, possibly seeing the look on your face as discomfort and then points at the sofa bench placed in the corner of the room. “You can take the bed, and I can take the bench if that would make you feel more comfortable.”
You take a good look at the sofa that doesn’t exactly look comfortable to sleep on and simply cannot imagine him sleeping all night on that thing. But you say nothing about it. As if he takes your silence as a yes, Namjoon only smiles and nods at you. “Alright, I’ll leave you to change and unpack, maybe lie down for a moment. I know you might want to chill a little before going back out there. I’ll go down and grab the rest of our bags.”
He catches your gaze as you look up at him again, and his smile softens to whatever he sees in your eyes. “I won’t be long. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Namjoon closes the door gently behind him as he leaves the room, while you take a seat on the edge of the bed just as your knees are beginning to feel weak. Only then do you finally realise that your legs have been trembling for a while now, and the only reason why you even managed to keep on standing was simply because you had been holding tightly onto Namjoon’s arms the whole time.
You release a deep sigh as you are trying to wrap your head around everything. You have to admit, that you have been feeling as if you are walking in the clouds and it has been this way ever since you walked past the front door. It is not so much because of the ruse that you are feeling this way, but for everything around it. And for the most part, it is all because of Namjoon.
You had known that you would need to play your part in this whole thing, and you have been preparing for it for the past few days before coming here. The only thing that you had not expected was to have your whole mind and body reacting this way over a simple kiss.
The kiss that you shared with Namjoon had only been a show, one that had been completely unplanned—when neither of you had expected that Winny would be asking for such request only moments after you arrived—but you cannot deny and say that your body is only reacting to it now as a part of your scheme and it is left you questioning things when you are supposed to keep a clear head while getting into this.
This wouldn’t be the first time that Namjoon has affected you when you are with him.
For the purpose of planning the ruse and getting used to being with him again without feeling all the awkwardness and to stop you from acting like strangers with one another, you had been seeing him constantly—from going out on lunch dates with him and coming to the bar to see him at night—and while all those meetings have been nothing but friendly encounters, you cannot deny the way he has been making you feel.
At first, it had taken you a while to stop feeling uneasy for being around him and appearing in town together with him, but then the need to get used to each other’s presence again had been stronger than your past resentment to one another that you slowly got used to it. Until you soon found yourself easing into things as if everything around you had gotten back to the way they were.
The comfortable silence that would fall between you had seemed like a warm blanket more than it gave you the awkwardness that you had feared to find when you had first thought about spending time with him. The light touches that he had given you—the ones that you let him do while telling yourself that it had to be done as practice—kept giving your body all the odd tingles that had been surprising but was never unwelcome.
Sitting here alone while thinking about all of this, you also notice how it suddenly feels like there is a void inside your chest that has been growing since the moment he walked out the door, as if you had grown so used to his presence that you had been clinging to it for comfort. The silence that accompanies you in his absence is not only making you feel the presence of the void even more, but it is giving you a chance to think, to look back into the past few days while wondering why the light tremors that his kiss had ignited in you have yet to fade.
A part of you seems to be telling you that perhaps being with him has awakened the feelings that you had felt for him but left buried for years. But you ignore the voices, denying that you may still have a lingering feeling for him left. Perhaps you still do care about him, perhaps you always have, but you are not quite sure if this feeling is anything close to the fierce, burning love that you used to have for him.
Perhaps what you have for him is nothing more but an infatuation, and it is building up inside you only because you are seeing him as a different person and not as the man that you had left behind.
Yes, that is simply what this is and nothing more, you keep convincing yourself even as you press your fingers on your lips, tracing the lingering sparks that have been left there from his kiss.
Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath to gather your resolve back, reminding yourself the reason why you had come here in the first place. Soon, everything will be over, and you will be free to move on, to leave all of this behind without any regret. Whatever Namjoon makes you feel would be temporary, and you have no doubt that it all stems from the memory that you had together in the past, the nostalgia that still remains in your head and not because you simply still love him or care about him the way you used to be in the past.
As you wait for Namjoon to return, you keep repeating this to yourself, refusing to give in to the illusions carried by your old, buried feelings, while convincing yourself to be stronger, hoping that your words alone would be enough to get you through this charade in one piece.
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The moment dinner time arrives in the evening, you only find that none of the things you kept telling yourself all day even mattered, or if any of them truly worked. Not when your mind keeps bringing you back to the kiss that you shared with Namjoon even as you are sitting among the others at the dinner table. And with Namjoon sitting right beside you, his presence serves as both the comfort that you need and, at the same time, the catalyst, when he ignites every spark, every reaction, and—every time you would look at him and your eyes would find his lips again—every flash of memory from the kiss.
No matter what you have done to try and get that moment out of your head, there is no stopping you from rewinding it again to yourself. There is no denying that—even if you keep telling yourself that it didn’t matter—the kiss still rattles you in a way that your body continues to react so easily to him. Your body shudders to each brush of his hand through dinner or whenever he leans closer to speak. Your skin would tingle when he is pressing to your side as he eats his meal. The fact that you are simply unable to avoid every gesture he is openly showing to the others at the table to play his part as the dotting husband only makes you feel more hyperaware of his presence. And it is certainly giving you quite a challenge, when you need to constantly hold back and hide all the shudders he brings forth within you, preventing it from showing out for everyone else who is present to see.
“You know how proud I am to hear about how well you’re doing in school, don’t you? I’ve told this to Joon time and time again since you started school again, but we all have hopes for you to make it big,” Winny says, turning to you after you saw her talking to your mother.
Feeling all the attention that seems to be drawn to you all so suddenly, you can only chuckle nervously while shifting in your seat, barely realising that you would lean a bit closer to Namjoon when this happens. “I don’t know about reaching anything big, but—” You turn to glance at Namjoon, gauging at his reaction and using his smile the encouragement that you need to keep on talking. “I do enjoy being in school, and I can’t wait to graduate soon and see where it leads me.”
The lie feels bitter on your tongue, but it is nothing compared to the guilt you feel in your chest for deceiving your grandmother-in-law.
Meanwhile, Winny simply nods, completely unaware of the turmoil that you are having.“Namjoon has also been making me proud. I think he wants to prove to himself and to the family that he can keep up with you. He’s shown me this bar he’s been working on and I think he’s doing quite a great job on it.”
The pride in her eyes is contagious, and you find yourself smiling proudly as you turn to Namjoon. “Well, he sure has been surprising me with a lot of what he’s been doing. I’ve been spending my time at the bar with him since I got back and I love seeing what he had done to the place.”
To your pleasure, Namjoon appears embarrassed to hear your compliment. A shy smile appears on his face and he dips his head to hide the blush forming on his skin. But then he reaches out to grab your hand gently in his and starts running his thumb absentmindedly on your knuckles when he speaks again, “I’m glad to hear that, coming from you. You have been my inspiration behind everything that I’ve been doing, after all.”
He looks straight into your eyes as he says those words, and a shiver instantly runs down your spine when you can clearly see the sincerity in the way he is looking at you. As if those words were real. Then you look away just as your face grows hot, finding Bernie sitting at the end of the table while giving you a knowing look. Everything that he said to you from the other day rings inside your head, and your heartbeat picks up.
“Joon here did all of this by himself—with a lot of our help, of course. Said he did it all for—”
There is no way, you tell yourself, refusing to let your mind go anywhere that you really have no right to venture into. But you keep these thoughts to yourself, forcing a smile to your face and holding it together as Namjoon brings your hand up and presses a kiss on the back of your hand. The gesture instantly sparks a reaction through your body, a delightful spark that you haven’t felt for a long time comes shooting through your skin, and you find yourself unable to look away, completely hypnotised by his warm gaze that keeps drawing you closer to him, and the touch that seems to bring back all the emotions that you had once thought had been lost.
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The rest of the dinner simply flew by like a fleeting dream. Though it didn’t stop you from slipping away from the others only an hour after dinner has been wrapped up to find a place to hide.
You had managed to hold yourself together through the rest of the dinner without so much of a blunder even with the continuous moments you find yourself getting too lost inside your head for all the feelings that Namjoon had brought up in you.
And he was not the only one who had made you feel these things.
Sitting outside the lodge, you can hear the voices coming from inside. You can tell that everyone is currently doing their own thing to enjoy the night. You can hear the sound of your parents laughing from the seating lounge as they are keeping Winny company near the fireplace while Namjoon’s parents are no doubt enjoying their drinking party with Bernie in the kitchen pantry. The last time you saw Namjoon was right before you stepped out onto the porch, catching the sight of him having an intense conversation with his sister in the living room and away from the others.
Being around everyone, having both families joined together and sharing this moment have been enjoyable, and it was surprising to see just how easy it has been for you to dive right back in despite how long you have been away from them. Watching everyone interact and enjoy their dinner left you swamped with emotions, just the way it did during your family dinner the other night when everyone was present, laughing and chatting as if the time when you were gone had been non-existent. You felt exactly the same way earlier, and it had made you somewhat uneasy, when it felt both like coming home while making you feel like a fraud at the same time.
As if you no longer deserved to be sitting here among them, indulging in the warmth of their companion and acting like a member of the family when you haven’t been one for a long time.
It had become too overwhelming when you still couldn’t shake the feeling off even after dinner had ended that you simply had to get away, and that was the reason why you have found yourself here, sitting on the long wooden bench—one that looks a bit too similar to the old wooden bench you have back at home—to find solace and perhaps have your peace with the silence as your companion. You were also hoping that being out here would give you a chance to clear your head before heading up to your room to end the night, but your mind keeps wandering all over the place, taking you back to the events happening throughout the day and sometimes way back to the past where everything had seemed to be perfectly in control, before it had gone into a complete mess.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
You nearly jump at Namjoon’s deep voice as he appears at the door, smiling amusedly at you. “God, you scared me,” you mutter softly while pressing a hand over your heart, hoping that it would calm back down.
“Sorry,” he chuckles at you as he leans against the wooden doorframe. “What are you doing out here in the cold?”
You press your lips together, wondering just what to say to him, though you immediately realise what a mistake it would be to hide these things from him. Not when he is the only one currently on your side.
“I just need to do some thinking on my own,” you finally tell him with a shrug, and his gaze softens. “Where’s everyone?” you ask him when you realise that the voices coming from inside have gone down.
Namjoon glances over his shoulders and takes a look inside through the open door briefly before turning back to you. “Most of them have gone up to their rooms, including Winny. Our Dads are planning to go to the shop early in the morning for the barbecue lunch tomorrow so they’re settling down early. The only ones left are Bernie and your uncle who are trying to work on finishing that bottle of whiskey I brought them earlier,” he says, chuckling softly before his warm gaze returns. “And then there’s us.”
“And then there’s us,” you mutter softly, mirroring his words with a small voice.
You bite your lips, hating how powerless you are against the flutters forming inside you and how surprisingly good it feels. The warmth in your belly feels comforting, but it makes you grow wary to let it linger for far too long. You should be standing up and start to make your leave, and then hide in the bedroom instead of sitting here under his gaze and enjoying the way he is making you feel. Suddenly, you feel like a teenager again, the same way you felt when you hid away with him during one of the parties that your school friends were holding at the time and he had ended up giving you your first kiss.
“Mind if I join you?” he asks you gently while his eyes never once stray away from you, and you find yourself unable to refuse.
You should say no to him and walk away, the small voice inside your head whispers to you, telling you to retreat for the night and walk away from him. It would be much safer, the voice speaks, and you can swear that you can hear it trembling, filled with the fear of having the wounds that you had once carried inside you returning. But the pounding in your heart becomes stronger, drowning the voices that keep sending you all the warning signs, and the words simply slip out before you can stop them,
“No, go ahead.”
A smile of relief comes to his face and he walks over to take the empty seat next to you while you slide away to give him space. You still haven’t gotten used to the new muscular built he is now sporting that you almost forget that he wouldn’t fit easily to your side so you cannot escape it when he brushes against you. The bench groans a little as he drops himself right next to you while he instantly engulfs you with his warmth. Goosebumps begin to form on your skin even without him touching you directly that you just lean back, trying your best not to make it obvious by rubbing your hands on your arms to hide it.
“It’s quite a lot to take in, isn’t it?” he suddenly asks you, keeping his voice low enough that you almost miss it. You turn to him to find him smiling at you while you have no idea how to respond. “I’m sorry for putting you through this.”
Swallowing hard, you can only nod your head slowly. “I wouldn’t say you are solely responsible in all of this. We wouldn’t have been in this spot if I hadn’t come to rush you into—”
Signing the divorce papers.
Shoot. For a while there you had almost forgotten the real reason why you are here in the first place and why you had agreed to become a part of this whole ruse. There is an icy prick poking in your chest when you are reminded that this whole thing has a time limit, and it surprises you to feel this way. There is no way you would want this whole thing to carry on, not when you have another life waiting for you. Another story for you to live through.
Another man who is waiting for you to return.
You shake your head, still cannot believe how easily you find yourself straying away from what you are meant to do. You should have expected this, when you knew what you were getting into by joining this trip. But it had somehow slipped your mind completely to prepare yourself against this, to remember that Namjoon would not be the only one that would be able to draw out all the memories and to stir your heart. Regardless of all the lies, the secrets that you are still keeping from everyone, and the horrible charade you are playing, you cannot deny how it makes you feel like you are finally home.
For years, you had thought that being here would only bring back all the hurt, that you would be constantly reminded of your painful past when all of the elements are present together. But it had turned out that the only things that have been brought back up while you are with everyone who are dear to your heart are the memory of the love that you had shared with them, the good times, and the comfort of coming home.
And for some reason, there is a part of you that doesn’t mind being here, to forget the world outside of this bubble and the life where this warm feeling doesn’t exist. Letting this thought linger inside your head, you find yourself admitting it loudly to Namjoon about it before you can stop it.
“I have to admit that I’ve missed all of this. To be around the family, to hear Bernie’s dirty jokes. And most importantly, being around Winny,” you mutter softly, turning to him with a smile just as you stop yourself from admitting how much you have missed the part of your life which you had once shared with him, only because you would have to admit that you have been missing him too. “I was nervous about meeting them all at once, but everyone was enjoying themselves that I just got into the festive mood pretty easily.”
“I think we both did pretty well for the first round,” Namjoon says, nodding his head.
“I’ll say,” you chuckle softly at him. “Though, I do admit—being around Winny for too long makes me nervous. Sometimes I’ll find myself talking to her and then the moment she brings up something from three years ago as if they had just happened, I’ll feel so guilty that I just want to admit everything.” You look back with a sigh. “Especially when she brought up the candy apple. I probably would’ve bawled my eyes out and told her that the last fair we went to together happened 4 years ago and not last year if you hadn’t come to change the topic.”
Namjoon laughs softly as he recalls that moment, when he came to the rescue at the perfect time while you were stuttering in front of Winny while she was reminiscing about the old town’s fair that you had gone to together. “All I did was look at your eyes and I knew you were panicking. I did what I had to do.”
“My saviour,” you whisper to him with a teasing tone in your voice, making him smile.
“That’s what teammates do, be there for each other,” he says, speaking in a low voice that warms your skin. He falls silent for a moment when your gazes meet each other, and the playfulness in his eyes fades. “We used to make a great team, you and I.”
We certainly did, the small voice in your head responds to him, just as a painful twist appears in your chest. The betrayal that you had felt before when you thought about his changes comes stabbing deeper into your chest, and it grows even deeper when you remind yourself that you are no longer a part of his life, just as much as he is no longer a part of yours.
“Don’t do that,” you say to him as you look away, avoiding his gaze that suddenly feels so intense that it nearly burns you just by looking back at him. “Let’s not go there, Namjoon.”
The way he is looking at you makes you feel exposed, that no matter what you do to shield yourself and hide from him, he can still make you feel as if you are holding out your heart, that you are baring your soul for him to see. So you keep your eyes looking away, focusing on the trees around the lodge instead of letting him see through your facade.
“Why not?” he whispers, and you realise that in your effort of trying to avoid him and to push him away, Namjoon has shifted closer. You can feel his arm resting on the backrest behind you while his warmth comes pressing to your side. “Can’t I talk about the good old past? We were sharing all the great memories from when we were kids and we even acted like how we used to be in the past. Is it not okay to just talk about it, for old time sake?”
“That—that’s different and you know it,” you respond to him with a voice barely a whisper. And you hate the way your body is truly reacting to him, as your skin grows hot when you feel his warm breath falls against you, brushing softly right where the top of your sweater falls over from your shoulders. A faint scent of whisky wafts between you and you lift your eyes to him. “Are you drunk? Is that why you’re not making sense right now? Or did you hit your head on your way out here?”
Namjoon laughs and shakes his head. “You know I barely had any alcohol through dinner. Neither of us did since we promised to stay sober while we’re around Winny, remember?” he says with a chuckle, and you begin to regret turning to look at him. You have failed to realise how much closer he is to you now, that he is basically leaning over you and keeping you trapped against the bench with nowhere to escape. His eyes are dark, and there is something in his gaze that you have not seen for a long time as he keeps looking at you. His presence feels intimidating, intense, leaving you completely entranced that you can barely hold back from leaning closer and letting yourself be drawn to him.
“I only took a shot of whiskey from Bernie and your uncle before I walked out here to find you, but my head is still as clear as day. I’m only curious, are you saying that you didn’t feel a thing when we kissed? Do I not make your heart race anymore?”
Your mouth falls open, both in shock and for finding yourself almost giving him the answer that he seems to be searching for.
Because the answer is yes.
Yes, you did feel something—a lot of things—when you kissed him under the mistletoe and right in front of your families who knew nothing about the deal you have made with each other.
Yes, he makes your heart race, just the way he is doing it now, simply by being so close, for having his face leaning close to yours that you clench your hands tightly to stop yourself from reaching out and pulling his head so you can devour his lips again.
And yes, your heart is still racing, not only because of his presence, but also because of the way he is looking at you as if you are a mystery for him to unfold. The curiosity, the astonishment, the wonder—you can see it all, all the emotions dancing in his eyes, and you wonder if you are showing him all the same thing when you return his gaze while your face is burning under his gaze.
But you take a deep breath, willing your body to stop reacting to him and swallow hard. “Everything is in the past, Joon. Right where we left it. And we’ve moved on from it.”
Namjoon clenches his jaw, though there is a glint of his amusement in his eyes when he says, “We did leave all of that behind, didn’t we?” His voice comes out so soft that it almost seems like he is questioning himself rather than expecting an answer from you. Then his sly grin returns when he lifts his hand, brushing against your forearm that shows under the sleeves of your sweater, his fingers tracing gently on your skin before he begins trailing them upwards ever so slowly, all the way to your shoulder.
“Do you really not feel anything anymore? Not even when I touch you like this?” Then he stops, only for a brief moment, before you feel his fingers moving to brush your hair away, exposing the nape of your neck, where he then runs a featherlight touch with his long fingers until he draws a shudder through your body. ”Not even when I do this?” he whispers, keeping his eyes on you the entire time to watch your reaction, no doubt catching the way your eyes are dilating to his touch or the way your breath hitches right when the tip of his fingers brush against the sensitive spot beneath your ear.
“No,” you answer him, but even you know that your answer holds no truth when you are trembling against him, and your voice has come out breathless, almost to a sigh, when the shudders running through your body is still existent and you can no longer fight against it.
Namjoon must have caught on to how your body is truly reacting to him no matter how much you try to hide it, because he only seems to keep leaning closer, his head dipping lower, coming so close that you are suddenly feeling his lips ghosting over yours, just a hairbreadth away from yours when he finally stops himself.
“And you won’t feel a thing if I kiss you right now? A real kiss, not a part of a show where we have audiences watching and expecting us to perform for them?” he whispers against your lips. “There is only you and me out here, Baby Doll. Nobody else but us.”
He looks down at you for a long, silent moment before he dips his head, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. He pulls away right after, just far enough to what you imagine as a way for him to gauge your reaction. He looks at you for another beat of a moment before he does the same thing. He dips his head, giving you a brief, closed-mouthed kiss, lingering for a moment longer this time, before he slowly pulls away again.
This time, you are the one searching for his eyes. Deep down, you both know just how wrong this is. How this cannot happen. And most importantly, why this should never happen. But right now, it doesn’t seem to matter. The pull between the two of you which you had once thought had somehow vanished right before you left is still there and you cannot seem to shake it off. Not when he is this close, with his warmth rolling between you and the shadow of his touches still ripples on your skin.
Maybe it is due to the fact that you are stuck in this place together. Maybe the entire night of reminiscing the past and having his grandmother doting you as if you had never left makes you feel like you are right where you belong. Maybe it is the melancholy, knowing that this would be the last time, that you would have to let him go for good once everything is over, no matter what history you have had together and what you still feel for each other. But there is a strong feeling of need inside you that makes you want him more now in a way that you haven’t felt before. And it is taking over you to the point that you can no longer hold back.
When he dips his head toward you again, only after noticing how you no longer have your guards up against him, you slide your hands up his chest, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling him into you. You part your lips, almost begging him to deepen the kiss, and he happily obliges, sliding his tongue against yours before he trails it over your bottom lip.
You can taste the bite of alcohol on his tongue and you pull him even closer. The move seems to snap him out of his final restraint, and he is suddenly reaching out for you, no longer holding back. His hand slides up your back, fisting into your hair as he moves the other to start fumbling with your knitted sweater. He somehow manages to slide his hand inside, then wraps the same hand around your waist to pull you even closer, almost lifting you onto his lap.
You gasp softly against his lips as his hand reaches behind you, finding the zipper of the dress you have been wearing underneath the sweater and starts sliding it down. You must have been so distracted by his kiss that you fail to realise how your cardigan had slipped right off your shoulders, giving him more leeway in doing the same with the strap of your dress, and he pulls back just as the front of your dress falls over, exposing your covered breasts to his eyes.
A soft groan slips out of Namjoon’s lips when his gaze falls on your heaving chest, while pure hunger appears in his eyes, dark and intense, making you grow hot just by having him rake his gaze all over you. He wastes no more time as his hand finds your breast, touching you gently while he uses his other hand to slip behind you, unfastening your bra so easily as if he has done this to you many times before. You think nothing of it when you simply lean forward, pressing your lips on the nape of his neck while he makes a quick work on your clothes—unhooking your bra with what seems to be a flick of his wrist before sliding his hand underneath, trailing his fingers across your skin all the way from your back and then coming around to find your breast. He slides the straps of your bra off your shoulders, his fingers finding the sensitive skin around your nipple, making its tip harden before he finally rubs a thumb across the nub.
His lips suddenly find yours again just as the touch draws a gasp right out of you, though he doesn’t stop you from moaning into his mouth as he begins to devour your lips with more heat and hunger while he keeps touching you, sending surges of pleasure all through your body with the light traces of his long fingers. You hear a soft grunt coming out of his throat, but you continue kissing him, refusing to let him stop or to let any drop of doubt fall between you. While his touches remain on your skin, you reach out to him and begin to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, suddenly having the urge to feel his skin, to bask in his warmth, and to feel him shudder under your touch the same way he is doing it to you.
Just as you tug on his shirt, a deep groan rumbles from his chest again and his grip on your waist tightens just as he pulls you up to his lap. The move happens so suddenly that you can barely stop yourself from falling against his chest with a soft gasp. Then his lips are quick to return to yours, capturing the rest of the sounds you are making both in your shock and as you are drowning in the heat of the moment as he devours your mouth, pouring his desire more freely now that you are reacting and reciprocating his actions.
Your hands are trembling as you blindly release the buttons of his shirt, taking them off one and a time with your eyes closed and his kisses distracting you just as his hands are pressing on your curves, touching you wherever he can reach. You can only faintly hear the sound of him clearing his throat through your muddled senses, and yet he makes no move to pull away and you continue on pressing your lips on his, arching your chest to him, letting your body melt against his as your hips begin to sway, rolling over his lap as you press down against his groin.
The sound that you heard comes back, growing louder, and it takes you a while before you realise that the sound is coming from somewhere else and it wasn’t Namjoon who has been clearing his throat in the middle of kissing you. Both of you instantly pull away from each other as you realise this and Namjoon finally notices the sound. The soft cough returns again and you turn to look at the door just as Namjoon instantly pulls you to his chest to hide your exposed chest for your intruder to see, and your heart plunges in your chest when you see Bernie standing there, looking overly intoxicated after his drinking game with your uncle with a sick grin showing up on his face.
“Ah, sorry to interrupt. Didn’t see you two out here. Was checking to see if the door’s locked and there you are,” he says, slurring a little as he points between the door and the outer side of the porch. Meanwhile, you can feel your face burning hot with shame, though you are glad that Namjoon managed to snap right out of it a bit faster to cover your body from Bernie’s eyes, though you aren’t even quite sure if he can see either of you that well through the dark while he is being so heavily drunk.
As if he notices the way Namjoon is hiding you from him—and most probably only realising now that both you and Namjoon are looking like little deers caught in headlights—Bernie raises his hands in surrender and says, “Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything. Scout’s honour.”
While you are still left speechless in your shock, Namjoon chuckles softly. “You go on up and head to bed, Bernie. We’ll make sure to lock the doors up before we come up.”
“Sure thing, Joonie,” Bernie says, nodding like a child before he clumsily turns around and makes his way back through the door. His large frame keeps brushing harshly against the doorframe before he manages to slip right in. You are just beginning to breathe a sigh of relief and are telling yourself that perhaps he really did see nothing, when Bernie suddenly looks over his shoulder and asks, “Don’t you kids think it would be better to do it in your room? It’s freezing out here.”
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“So—how are we going to do this?”
Namjoon lifts his brows at your question and you can see the humour painting his gaze. “Simple. We sleep. I’ll take the sofa and you can keep the whole bed.”
You hold back the urge to roll your eyes at him and sigh, keeping your eyes on him as he stands right beside the bed while you stand on the other side. The heated moment that you shared with him at the porch had been instantly ruined when Bernie caught you both and things had only grown awkward and tense between you since. You could barely look at him when you were both fixing up your clothes and took your time to cool down. Then, once he had made sure that the coast was clear, Namjoon pulled you inside, locking the doors behind you before taking you all the way to the bedroom. Only to once again find yourselves surrounded with an air filled with tension once you were both secured in the confinement of your bedroom.
Your face still feels warm after what had happened downstairs—including the part where you had gotten caught right in the midst of it. As your mind flies back to that moment, your skin tingles right where he was touching you. Your breasts instantly grow hot and tight at the memory of his hands and fingers touching and brushing across your nipples that are now beginning to grow hard beneath your nightshirt. Afraid that he can see it through the thin fabric of your shirt, you cross your arms around your chest, pressing all the delicate tingles down while hiding the way your body is still reacting to him. Though it doesn’t stop you from running your gaze on him, noticing how the material of his shirt seems to cling onto his broad chest and wide shoulders so perfectly well that it barely serves its purpose in covering his body.
At least he is wearing something, you inwardly sigh.
After getting into the bedroom earlier, you had practically run and gone to hide in the bathroom to avoid him. After taking your sweet time washing up and getting yourself ready to bed, you had then returned to the bedroom to find him standing there only in his boxers. The way you had completely forgotten that Namjoon had always slept in the nude when you were still together almost had you screaming. Telling him to put a shirt on and making him promise to at least keep his boxers on had been the first few things that you said to him, much to his amusement. At least it had been entertaining enough for him to do exactly what you asked him to.
You look away before he would notice you staring at his chest. When your eyes fall on the sofa bench which Namjoon keeps insisting to sleep on, you simply grimace, unable to imagine him fitting his hard body on top of the small-sized furniture the way he keeps claiming he would. “No, that won’t do,” you find yourself muttering as you wonder about this. Hearing this, Namjoon tilts his head.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about you, sleeping there,” you point out between him and the sofa before shaking your head. “When there is a perfectly good sized bed right here.”
Namjoon raises his brows and barely holds back his amused smile when he teases you, “Are you trying to seduce me into joining you in bed, Baby Doll?”
“You know what I mean,” you say to him, narrowing your eyes. “I’m only saying that instead of letting me have this whole bed while you torture yourself into that tiny thing, why don’t we just—use the bed?” You stop for a brief moment, trying to ignore the way your cheeks are heating up before adding with a small voice, “Together.”
Namjoon’s eyes are glowing with glee when he questions you about it. “So you have nothing untoward planned for me? We’re just going to—sleep?”
“Funny. That would be the last thing I’d ever do. And we’re not just going to split the space by pointing between us to decide which of us gets which side,” you continue by pointing at his side to your side. “You can take that side and I’ll take this side. And then—” Giving him a sweet smile, you pull a thick pillow from the pile of them resting against the bed’s headboard, fluffing it in your hands a few times before placing it in the middle and add, “These pillows, the ones that we won’t be using to sleep, will be here in the middle.”
Namjoon’s eyes fall onto the pillow and his smile falls as you continue to add more pillows right in the middle of the bed and make it look like a fort. “You’re making a barrier?”
“Yep.”
“You’re creating a line with pillows.”
“Exactly. And it’s a fort, actually.”
Namjoon looks up and raises his eyebrows at you. “Let me guess, we’re not allowed to trespass each other’s territory?”
Clapping your hands, you make a sound like he had just the grand prize in a big quiz. “That’s right. No crossing over to this area if you don’t want to get your balls kicked.”
He looks at you, looking genuinely surprised, before he starts laughing. “Alright, Baby Doll. Whatever you say.”
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Warmth comes trickling as the morning slowly sneaks in, brushing against your skin like delicate fingers teasing you to wake up, coaxing you to embrace the morning for a fresh start. As you slowly come awake, you breathe in deeply, inhaling the familiar musky scent that feels like home, wrapping you alongside the two gentle arms that are keeping you comfortable and safe in a loving embrace. And then the sound of a steady heartbeat begins to pick up, slowly rising, sounding clearer and clearer, inviting, mesmerising, and you snuggle against it, embracing the warmth that comes with it, only to notice that you are no longer snuggling against the soft pillows that you had been resting on all night.
It takes you another moment before you are finally pulled out of your slumber completely, before finding yourself resting on something solid, that there is a warm surface present under your palm. The smooth texture of Namjoon’s shirt appears to your bleary eyes when you slowly open them, letting you know that you have somehow gone over the pillow fort, and had landed on top of his hard chest instead. With your head right on top of his beating heart, your palm resting over his abdomen, and your legs entwined together, it simply appears as if you had locked onto one another in your sleep.
Namjoon’s breathing is still steady, even if he has one of his arms resting around your waist. Trying to relax as not to startle him awake, you begin to rake your brain to find a way to slip right out of his clutch without waking him up. The first thing you do is to slip your legs out of his, before gently peeling yourself from him, only to have his arm tightening around you to stop you from moving away.
“Where are you going?” His voice sounds deep and hoarse with sleep, but it stirs something deep inside you like a flame licking from within. It has you clenching your thighs together, your body going stiff against him before giving in to his embrace and simply remain to lie motionless on top of his chest.
“I—I’m sorry, I have no idea how—”
Namjoon’s chest rumbles as he chuckles softly. “Did I say I mind it?” he asks you, keeping his eyes closed while he is moving his fingers absentmindedly up and down your upper arm, while the palm that is pressing on your waist is still ever-present, holding you against him while he is caressing you gently. You look up just as he slowly opens his eyes, looking down on your face with something intense in his gaze, making you want to melt against him instead of pushing yourself off of him.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” you whisper softly, only realising now just how close your face is to his.
Namjoon’s lips twitch, forming a small grin. “I’m not the one who went over the fort that you built,” he says to you teasingly. You should be angry at his words, at whatever it is he seems to be accusing you of, but it is hard to think clearly when you have his lips brushing against your temple and when your heartbeat begins to race with the rising heat burning inside your belly.
“It’s still wrong,” you whisper with a sigh, closing your eyes when Namjoon tugs you up against his chest and continues to run his gentle kisses on your face.
“I’m not the one making the rules.”
You slowly push yourself up and he plants a kiss right at the tip of your nose, drawing a gasp out of you. “I should get up and—”
“And?” he asks, though he doesn’t make any move to let you go. He simply lies there beneath you, keeping his eyes on your face to gauge at your reaction, waiting, with his lips hovering so close that all you have to do is push yourself upward so your lips can touch.
But you do nothing as such, letting him hold you to his chest, unable to look away. You feel like you are getting drawn further into him, the pull that has been present now making itself known. One moment, you are simply there, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat that nearly matches yours. You have no idea who makes the first move, but his lips are suddenly on yours, brushing gently just as you lightly press your lips against him in return. A soft sound slips out of you when he gently takes your bottom lip and gives a light suck, and that is when the remaining restraint you have between you simply snaps.
With a light pull, he tugs you until you are on top of him, your legs resting on either side of him while you straddle his hips, pressing your pulsing center right on top of his covered hard-on. Your hands are clutching tightly on his shirt while you mould your lips together. He slides his tongue right at the seam of your lips, making his way in to deepen the kiss. Everything becomes a blur of heated desire with your tongues clashing against one another, his hands running up and down your curves while you slip your fingers through the hem of his shirt, slipping beneath the fabric, desperate to feel his skin.
While your fingers begin tracing blindly on the hard ridges of his abs, your hips begin to move, swivelling and rolling against him to rub your pulsing core against his covered cock, feeling him hardening and growing stiff under the heat of your desire. A deep groan comes rumbling from his chest before he gives one tight grip on your waist, holding you right in place as he moves his hips, reciprocating every motion you make while his other hand slides under your nightshirt, finding it easy to slide right in when its hem has hiked up to your hips as you continue riding on his groin. It doesn’t take much for him to find your breasts, continuing where he left off last night without any bra present as a barrier this time as you had opted to sleep without it. His palm feels warm against your mound, and he waits no longer before he begins fondling on your soft flesh, kneading and tugging while his fingers find your hardened nipple and gives you a light pinch.
You release a cry into his mouth, letting his kiss drown your voice. Your body trembles at the way he is playing with your body, the way he seems to find the right rhythm to draw out the delightful sparks of pleasure rising from deep within your core. With your nails buried on his chest, you keep on grinding against his covered cock and pressing hard right where it makes you feel good. You continue to ride the waves, letting them build up and continue to rise until you can feel yourself reaching to the edge, getting closer and closer, already losing balance as your legs are trembling around him.
Feeling how close you are to climax, Namjoon slides his other hand down your shirt, cupping your other breast with his palm and begins to do the same as he did the other. As you press down harder against him, he sucks on your lips harder, giving your nipples a rough pinch to draw your cries, and you can start feeling yourself plunging, flowing over the edge and—
The sound of someone banging on the door makes you both jump. For a moment, everything is spinning and you nearly come tumbling down from on top of him. But Namjoon is quick to catch you. His hands are still hidden beneath your shirt, but he is now holding you by the waist, keeping you still while you are both breathless. You are still feeling terribly flushed and your heartbeat seems to take forever to settle down, even if you can still clearly see the burning need in his eyes when you look at him. His own skin still looks flushed and his lips are swollen after all the biting and sucking you did while devouring them in the heated moment.
Neither of you says a thing to each other, or to even try and respond to whoever is on the other side of the door, until the banging sound returns.
“Joonie, you’re up?” Your father-in-law calls for him from outside, and Namjoon releases a groan. Closing his eyes, he lets his head fall back to the pillows.
“I’m up!”
“Good, I’m driving down to the nearest store to buy some supplies for the grill. You coming? Your dad-in-law is driving.”
Namjoon lets out another groan and pulls you down. He buries one hand in your hair as he holds you to him, pressing his lips on yours for a brief kiss before he whispers, “I have to go. He won’t shut up if I’m not up to help him.”
You open your mouth, but your head is still muddled and everything seems so fuzzy for you to even say much. “Okay,” you simply whisper, nodding your head before letting him help you lie back down on the bed.
“Get some more rest,” he says, brushing his lips against yours as he hovers on top of you. “We’ll continue this once I’m back.”
With those words, Namjoon presses a gentle kiss on your lips, before pushing himself up and leaves the bed. He quickly grabs his pants, getting ready to go just as his Dad comes banging on the door once more. “I’m coming,” he shouts back, though he makes another stop to kiss the top of your head before he makes his way out, keeping the door from opening too wide to hide your flustered state from his father when he slides out the door.
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The moment Namjoon is gone, the entire warmth that you have felt since the moment you woke up just seems to have been sucked dry along with his departure. The silence that falls after also feels too deafening and you find it hard to process everything and understand what had just happened. It feels like you have been dreaming, that nothing is real, and it gets even harder to think clearly and to snap right out of the remaining fog of your desire when you can still breathe in his scent which has been plastered all around you—the pillows, the sheets, even on your hair and skin.
Deciding that it would only get you nowhere if you simply remain there and wallow in your loneliness, you run to the bathroom, hoping that a long hot shower might help clear your head a little before going through with the day. You stay under the shower for a bit longer than you probably should, relishing the running water that does its best to wash away the grime, the remnants of his scent that you still carry with you, and the shadow of his touches on your skin. You feel it slowly washing away the fog that is still muddling your head and the rush of pleasure that seems to linger inside you. Only when your skin begins to wrinkle and the hot water slowly turns cold when you finally step out of the shower, wrapping the fuzzy towel that you find on the sink counter before walking out of the bathroom just in time for your phone to start blaring loudly.
You reach for it and pull it out of your purse, and your heart instantly falls.
Your hand is shaking as you bring the phone up to your ear, knowing that you cannot possibly ignore his calls. Not if you want to have a whole day safe from any interruption. Because you know that he would only continue calling again, and again, until he can get through you. That is just how relentless you know Matthew is as a man and a lover.
You take a deep breath and slowly lowers yourself to sit on the edge of the bed, afraid that you might fall if you don’t. “Hello—?” you can barely get your voice out as you answer the call, but you manage to anyway. A shuffling sound is heard from the other end before you hear him speak.
“Good morning, babe. How was your sleep?”
Matthew’s voice rumbles deep from the phone and your chest twists with guilt. “Morning. It was okay. Really good, actually,” you answer him, before a rush of heat flows to your face at the memory of your sleep—or, better yet, the memory of how you had woken up this morning. The surge of pleasure that you had just washed off suddenly runs through you when you remember how you were riding your husband’s lap, the heat in your body returning full force with need, and you try to shake it off as you focus on your fiancé’s voice.
“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing. “You know I’m glad to see you taking a long break after the past busy month. You’ve worked so hard lately so you needed this break. It must be the fresh air, isn’t it? You’ve always had trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember.”
Letting out a bitter chuckle, your voice grows small when you answer him, “Yes, the fresh air, that could be it.”
Matthew hums into the phone for a moment before he speaks again. “Look, baby. I’m just calling to say I’m sorry. Again. You, uh—you never called me back, so I was wondering if everything is okay.”
No, everything is not okay, the voice in your head sneers at you, making you grimace to think that he had been waiting for you to call him back when he barely crossed your mind. “Right, I’m sorry. I’ve been around my family—” and in-laws, you add inwardly before you continue, “—so things have been overwhelming. I just couldn’t find the right time to call you and talk.”
Once again, your tongue feels bitter with all the lies. Though a part of your excuse isn’t a complete lie this time, when you have been surrounded by your family since you arrived yesterday and Namjoon had almost never left your side. And you obviously could never slip away from Winny to make any phone call in the middle of the family reunion without raising questions. Not even if you would try to make a silly excuse to say that you were to make a call about work.
But there is also a part of you that had been intentionally avoiding him, for reasons that you could barely understand.
Looking back to it now, and then recalling everything that has happened since last night, you wonder if this whole ruse has had something to do with it. Perhaps you had gotten too deep in playing the role as the dotted wife who is returning for the holiday week to be with her husband. Perhaps a part of you enjoyed reliving this part of your life without any disturbance from the real world and from any part of your present life, and you just weren’t ready to wake up from that illusion too soon.
You close your eyes and sigh, barely catching on to what he is saying on the phone with your mind drifting away while he keeps on talking. “—I didn’t want to interrupt your time with your family, but I just need to know if you’re still mad at me. I don’t want us to fight while we’re apart, especially when it’s Christmas.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I was just a bit—busy. But I’m not mad at you, I promise.”
A deep sigh is heard from his side, and he mutters softly, “Good, that’s good,” while you grow tense as you anticipate what he is about to say next. “So—have you had the talk with your parents yet?”
You begin pulling on your towel as you try to think of an excuse. “No, baby. We just got here, remember? Everyone was busy preparing for this trip and then we got caught up in catching up, I could barely share anything and update them about what’s going on with my life aside from stories coming from work. And I told you, my grandmother has been sick, so I didn’t want to steal the stoplight too much from everyone.”
He remains silent as you ramble on, until he finally says, “Maybe I can help.”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I fly there so I can join you? Meet your family while everyone is there? All the preparation for my parents’ Christmas gala is done already and I won’t even have too much to do before the New Year’s Eve party. I think I can slip away a day or two and join you there. That way we can share the news together, what do you say?” He speaks so fast that you can barely catch up to what he is saying, and the moment you do, you can feel your heart pushing its way up to your throat.
“You want to come here?” you ask him, almost stuttering.
“Yes, why not? My family’s jet is available since everyone will be staying here for the event and we can fly back together right after seeing your family. We’ll save up on plane tickets that way, won’t we?”
The more excited he sounds, the more anxious you feel about it. To imagine him coming here, to not only expose your secret past with Namjoon but to also ruin the ruse—you can feel your blood draining while you can barely breathe. You can’t even stay seated with your anxiety rising up. Your head begins to pound as you stand up and begin pacing back and forth in the bedroom.
“Fly—here?” you ask again, wishing that he would start laughing and tell you that he is simply joking. But the only answer you get to hear is, “Yes! I can have it arranged soon. I can fly out there on Christmas morning, and—”
“No, Matthew don’t. You can’t do that.” In your panic, the words simply slip right out of you before you can do anything to stop it, surprising yourself and—judging from the silence that falls from his side—him as well.
“Why can’t I?” he asks you after a beat of silence, the tone of his voice filled with suspicions and you feel the urge to pull your hair out.
Still pacing on the floor, you try to find the best excuse that you can think of to erase every thought he could have about flying here to see you. “Just—this is a private event and my family isn’t as big or as open as yours.”
Lies, lies, all nothing but lies, when you know for sure how welcoming your parents have been to your friends in the past. But how are you supposed to explain to him that he barely exists to your parents? And how the hell would you explain to your family if Matthew just randomly shows up, introducing himself as your fiancé, when they are probably thinking that you are trying to reconcile with Namjoon through this trip? And what about Winny?
All these thoughts keep running in your head while Matthew simply grows silent. You don’t have to see him to know the gears in his head are turning at the same time, and you suddenly despise the fact that you are somehow engaged to a lawyer. And a damn talented one at that, you have to admit, when you have witnessed him time and time again exposing frauds and terrible liars in courts.
“Is there something wrong about me seeing your parents?” he questions you, sending chills down your spine with the accusing tone latching onto his voice. “We’re getting married anyway, aren’t we? I’d eventually have to meet them and introduce myself.”
“Yes, I know, but—” You close your eyes and try your best to control your breath. Remember, he can expose your lies and pick up on an uneven tone so easily, you remind yourself as you try to calm your nerves and make sure to stay collected as you speak to him. “Can’t we do it next time? Maybe when it’s not the holidays or on any other private occasion. I just don’t want to overwhelm my parents or my grandmother with so much going on already.”
A faint sound of someone talking is heard passing right in front of your door and you briefly stop, moving further from the door before you can continue.
“It’s not that I don’t want to introduce you to everyone, it’s just—The timing wouldn’t be right. I just—I need to ease this thing to my parents.”
“Is that so?” he asks you, and it is obvious that he isn’t buying it. “There’s always something, isn’t it?” His voice sounds harsh as he says this, making you flinch at his tone, knowing that you have made him grow angry at you again. “Seriously, what is the matter with you? Is there something going on that I need to know about? Did you meet someone and suddenly have a change of heart? Because you’ve been acting strange and distant since you went back home and it’s like I can’t talk with you so I don’t know what to think!”
Shaking under his wrath, and to how close he had come to the truth, you reach out to grab the backrest of the nearest chair and hold on tight. “I’m sorry. Things are just too complicated right now, and I can’t really tell you anything.”
“Right, of course,” he says with a sneer. “Well, you know how to contact me when you’re done being so—so aloof and when you’re ready to tell me what the fuck is going on with you.”
With those last words, Matthew ends the phone call. The sound of the final click makes you flinch and it makes your breath hitch at the finality of his words and the way he ended the call. You have grown used to seeing him getting emotional, letting his anger and frustration show, but it feels different when you are on the other end of it.
And it makes it even harder for you not to crumble because you are the guilty party.
Dropping down on the chair, you place the phone away with shaking hands. All so suddenly, you feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath you and there is nothing stopping you from falling. There is nothing stopping you from being pulled and awakened from the illusions that you had let yourself drown in.
Dropping your head into your hands, you chastise yourself and let all the dread of guilt wash over you.
You shouldn’t have agreed to be a part of this ruse. Or, at least, you should have kept your head firmly on your shoulder instead of getting drawn into the moment. You should have said the hell with it and insisted harder on Namjoon to sign the divorce papers so you wouldn’t have to worry about getting your secrets exposed if—and when—Matthew decides to register your marriage legally.
Your mind flies back to what had happened between you and Namjoon last night, and what had occurred this morning, only less than an hour ago, and you feel like you need to smack your own head so you could get your act together.
What were you thinking, making out with Namjoon like that after all the talk about letting go and moving on? How can you let yourself lost in his touch when you had sworn to yourself that you would never fall for his charms and that you would never forget what you had come all the way back here for?
Taking a deep breath, you muster every will to snap your head back into place and out of the illusion of the life that you had let go of a long time ago. This part of your life had been lost, and whatever you had thought you felt with Namjoon since you had gotten back had been nothing but a broken piece of your memory forcing itself back into your mind, nothing but an illusion.
Perhaps you have grown too comfortable in this situation, letting yourself get tempted to the alluring part of your past that you had wished you still have, but now it is time to face reality and to get your focus back on track, to remember your purpose.
Finish the whole charade, keep Winny happy for a little while longer, and then have Namjoon sign the papers so you can be free, you remind yourself, repeating those words in your head until they sink in. Because there is nothing left for you here but a fleeting dream, while you have your entire life waiting for you, away from this place, and—most certainly—far away from him.
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For the rest of the day, you try your best to avoid being alone with Namjoon.
You still play your part for as much as you need to whenever you are among the others, though you let Namjoon run the show as he openly shows his affection, giving you light touches and kisses while mingling with the rest of the family. But the moment the act is done, you will try to put a distance between you, always evading him whenever he tries to come close without anyone watching and finding excuses to slip away whenever he is trying to pull you aside.
It had taken you nearly all morning to get your act together, and it helped that he was gone for a long time as he went to join the rest of the men on their shopping trip to the nearest store. Then everyone’s excitement during the outdoor barbecue feast had managed to give you the escape you needed, when Namjoon kept being pulled away to help tend the grill while Winny kept insisting that you would stay with her the entire time.
It isn’t until after dinner when he finally manages to catch up with you just when you are about to slip away to find shelter out on the porch, thinking that perhaps you can wait out there until Namjoon would fall asleep before you can return to your bedroom to avoid anything untoward to ever happen between you. But you should have known that it hadn’t slipped his attention that you have been steering clear of him the whole day and is just about to try to escape him yet again.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” is the first thing he says when he catches you moments after you slip out of the door. “Is there something wrong? What happened?”
Nothing.
Everything.
Not expecting to have him ruining your escape plan and finding yourself somehow out here all alone with him, the words simply die down on your tongue. You open your mouth, ready to launch some random excuses to slip away from him when Namjoon comes approaching you with a determined look in his eyes. There is also something else in his eyes that makes you stop before you even try to evade him—a mix of wariness, curiosity, and a hint of despair—as if having you slipping away all day and giving him cold shoulders have been affecting him more than you had thought it would.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” is the only thing you can say to him, though it is clear that there is no use of you to act so aloof about it when he simply responds with a scoff.
“Right,” he says with a bitter chuckle. “Don’t play dumb with me. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”
Namjoon has come so close that he is looming over you, keeping his voice low enough only for you to hear. His looming presence and his deep rumbling voice make you feel so little, cornered, and you lean back to the railing on the edge of the porch to hold on, trying to make yourself tall as you return his intense gaze with your own. “What is going on inside that brilliant head of yours, Baby Doll? What game are you playing with me?” he slowly questions you, and his words snap something inside you.
“There is no game,” you hiss at him just as you hear the sound of laughter ringing from inside the lodge. Looking over his shoulders, you make sure that there is nobody passing by this area to find the two of you having this face off. God knows what would cross their minds if they should ever find you out here together like this.
“You must have thought you have been so slick to avoid me and that nobody would notice. But even Winny caught on to your act and she’s been asking me if you’re feeling okay,” Namjoon says with a sneer, while you grimace, realising just how terrible you have been at pretending after all.
With a frown on your face, you look up, finding Namjoon looking at you, no longer with the sneer or annoyance on his face, but more of a concern. “Something happened while I was gone, hasn’t it?”
“Nothing happened. It’s just—” Your mind flies back to the phone call that you had with Matthew, to being the receiving end of his anger, and you pull back just when Namjoon lifts his hand to touch you. “Maybe I just realised that this—whatever it is that’s been going on between us—is wrong.” Shaking your head, you look up into his eyes and plead, “We just can’t—I just can’t have it happening again. I can’t allow it.”
Namjoon scoffs. “You won’t allow it? Always have to be the one to make the rules, don’t you?”
The condescending tone in his voice feels like a knife piercing through your chest. You can barely hold back from pushing him off when you lift your chin up to respond to him. “I thought all we had to do was play a role? To act only when we have audiences watching us? Not to do something like—” You stop just as the image of you kissing him, touching him, letting him bring pleasure through your body comes flashing through your head and your whole skin flushes, and it is somehow making you feel even angrier that you had even let yourself lost in that moment in time that your voice comes out as a hiss when you continue, “Not to act on it while we’re alone. Not to lose control when we’re—”
When we’re not supposed to. When we have a time limit.
The words simply remain inside your head when it suddenly feels too painful for you to say them out loud.
“Lose control? Is that all it ever was?” he questions you, though it sounds more like he is wondering these words out loud. Placing his hands on either side of you, he leans closer, caging you against the wooden railing behind you as he lowers himself, getting close to your face.
“I’m going to ask you again, what the hell happened with you? Why all the sudden change? One minute you were okay with everything and it was obvious that you wanted it to happen, and then you suddenly act like you just can’t get away from me fast enough and now you’re off rambling on as if you didn’t want me too.” Namjoon asks you, before he lifts one hand, reaching up to brush away the hair that has fallen on your face when you were getting too emotional. He moves his fingers ever so gently, and yet you can still feel his knuckles brushing gently across your skin. The featherlight touch brings a shudder through your body, and it doesn’t slip Namjoon’s attention when he could feel it, even if it only happens for such a brief moment.
“Tell me you feel nothing when I touch you like this,” he whispers to you as he brings the tip of his fingers down, tracing an invisible path down the nape of your neck.
Almost instantly, your body comes to life. The light touch he is giving you simply lights up your senses, the shudders feel so delightful, and the pull between you simply strengthen itself that it would be so easy for you to simply give in to it and let go.
But this is wrong, your conscience speaks, snapping you out of it that it helps you muster enough strength to grab him by the wrist and stop him before he can go on.
“No, we can’t do this. You need to remember why I came here in the first place and why we’re doing this,” you whisper as you push him away while shaking your head. While your reaction and your words seem to light something else inside him that his eyes only grow hard, and his words—that had been enough to draw you to him and had managed to break the walls that you had built between you—now suddenly sounds vindictive, taunting, coming at you like a jab to your gut when he says,
“You can’t or you won’t? Tell me what you feel when you’re with me. Tell me you feel nothing.”
In an instant, everything that you feel for him changes. It feels as if he had just ripped the band-aid that has been present to hide your wounds and what comes out of it is vicious, filled with all the pain that you had buried, laid almost forgotten, and now coming awake just as strongly as the desire that you have felt for him ever since he had first brought it back up from your cold heart, and it gives you enough strength to push him away, severing the pull that has kept you blinded from all the painful memories that were left from the moment he had stomped all your dreams and your heart into nothing.
“Fuck you, Namjoon. You don’t get to say these things to me or even had the audacity of asking me about my feelings when you were the one who pushed me away and broke us apart,” you cry out as you keep pushing against his chest in your anger. The sudden burst of your rage renders him speechless at first, before he snaps,
“Are we going to talk about that now? About what happened years ago? Is that it?” He begins seething with anger, though you can see the hurt in his eyes. “Well, let me remind you that I wasn’t the one who left and gave up on us,” he says, pointing at you. “You were the one who walked away.”
His words feel like a slap right on your face and you can no longer hold everything back. “You broke up with me,” you nearly scream to his face, not even caring if there is anyone inside the lodge that can hear you as you continue to face him, letting the hurt inside you reveal itself for him to see. “You were the one who said that there was no point for us to even try to go on, that it would be better for me to just go and leave you behind. That was what you said to me!”
“I thought that was what you wanted…!”
“What I wanted was for the man that I loved with every-fucking-thing that I had to fucking fight for me!”
This time, Namjoon is the one who looks as if your words had slapped him right on his face. The moment he speaks again, his voice sounds small, and broken, as he can only whisper, “I never gave up on you.”
The fight simply leaves you after hearing his words and once you are done pouring out everything that you have kept to yourself for a long time. Except that it only leaves you with one simple question that you have yet to find the answers to.
“Why did you keep sending me back the divorce papers?”
Say it. Please, say it. Tell me that you have been waiting for me. You silently beg, and beg, only realising now that these are the exact words that you have been waiting for him to say to you.
But Namjoon remains silent, keeping his eyes away from you still. Instead, all he does is clench his jaw and he begins shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter,” is the only thing that Namjoon says to you. His eyes no longer hold the same warmth and longing that you had seen in them merely moments before when he looks at you, as if he is withdrawing from you again. You can feel him putting up a barrier as he protects himself from the tremors coming from the pull that is still tethering you together.
“I’ll sign the papers. You’ll be leaving this weekend, right? I’ll give them back to you in the morning.”
With that, Namjoon turns away and goes back inside, leaving you standing there all alone on the porch, with your heart still bleeding out from the pain that he had ripped open and your tears still running down your face. He never returns for the night to sleep in your shared bedroom, while having your heart torn out has left you exhausted, completely drained that you easily fall asleep the moment you find solace in your bedroom.
Completely on your own.
Only to wake up the next morning to find the divorce papers resting on his cold pillows, marked with his signature right at the bottom of the page.
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The rest of the day simply floats by. Though you cannot really say that things are going smoothly as they had been for the past two days. It feels more as if you are walking through a thick pool of gelatine, wading heavily through the surface as much as you can without being swallowed down to the bottom.
At the same time, your body seems to be moving on autopilot, and it helps you to play your role well despite the numbness you are feeling within. You can still find a way to smile, to laugh at any random jokes, to nod whenever you need to, though you can barely listen to what people have to say.
When you finally saw Namjoon again during breakfast, he had managed to act out as if nothing has changed, so you were determined to play your part the way he could. Even if it takes a lot for you not to grimace at his touch or to flinch whenever he kisses you or when he presses his lips on your temple the way he always would in the middle of a conversation with Winny.
You are having so much trouble keeping it up together that it barely registers to you that tonight would be the highly eventful Christmas dinner. The night where you are supposed to be filled with joy. Where you are supposed to embrace the moment while being surrounded by the people that mean to you the most—and yes, that obviously includes Namjoon—and yet, you can barely feel a thing when it feels like every part of you is slowly crumbling. That for some reason, you are left as nothing but a shell, present but completely meaningless, as if it wouldn’t matter if you are no longer a part of this picture-perfect moment.
You do, however, take as much time as you can get to record all of this into your memory. Taking in everyone’s presence, their expressions, their stories, keeping this night as something that you will cherish for the rest of your life. Watching everyone sharing all the love and the bond that has been there for years, you realise what you have missed out on for a long time. You know that there is no use to dwell on the past, but you try your best to picture this as something that you can possibly reach again in the future.
One day, perhaps, after all of this ends.
And only if everyone would forgive you for what you are about to do.
It isn’t until in the middle of the dessert, when your uncle suddenly stands at the end of the table with his best friend, Bernie, and they both start belting out the Christmas Carol when you reach out to grab Namjoon’s hand, surprising him for a moment when you give him a squeeze until you turn to smile at him. His eyes are wide when he sees how relaxed you are, not seeing the way your mind is working hard to plan out just how you are going to give this story an end. And then you start to join the duo, keeping the smile on your face as you look at him, encouraging him to join in as everyone else are singing along.
You can feel Winny’s eyes on you as she sits right on your other side, and you find her watching you with glossy eyes. So you reach out, grabbing her hand with your free one, creating a bond between the three of you to share this moment. Even if it is only for one last time.
You return to an empty bedroom once dinner is long over, everyone has retreated to their rooms earlier after their bellies are full with the sweet desserts that Winny and your mother had made and all the alcohol that was present on the table.
Once again, Namjoon has chosen not to join you in your room, disappearing somewhere in another part of the lodge as he tries to avoid you.
This time, you find it hard to go to sleep. Not that you ever plan to do so anyway. And not when you can still feel his presence on the empty side of the bed, as his scent still lingers even when the sheets have grown cold.
Each time you close your eyes, you can still see those moments inside your head. You have tried so hard to deny it before, but being with him did make you feel everything. The comfort, the desire, the raw carnal need that you had never felt with anyone else the way you did with him. And now that your mind and body remember perfectly well what it is like to be with him, to be in his arms and to feel his love, you know that there is no turning back.
Being with Namjoon after going through all the pain many years ago now feels dangerous. Disastrous—that would be the only way to describe it, because why else would you end up losing control like that when you are together, or to be acting like teenagers who are completely helpless against the desire coursing through your body. It makes you completely reckless—just like how he managed to pull you onto his lap after dinner at the back porch, going completely out of bounds as you kept going at each other, practically clawing each other skin in the process of tearing out your clothes without any care of your surroundings. Or just like the other morning, when you were riding him without a care as if it had been something that you had always done.
The tension coming from those short, heated moments still lingers in your body, making your skin feel hot and tight even when you are far away from him and when he is no longer in sight. Rubbing your hands up and down your bare arms, you take a seat right on the edge of the bed, trying to find solace until the tremors in your body would start to subside.
Except that you quickly realise that it would be impossible for it to happen when you realise that the tremors are coming from deep within your chest.
“I’ll sign the papers.”
If it had been years ago, if it had happened before you joined him on this trip, perhaps you would have felt relieved, pleased to finally have what you have been waiting for. To have your freedom. To finally have your life back. To gain a chance to decide on your future without constantly being haunted by him and the memory of your history together.
But as you wrap your arms around yourself, the only feeling that you have now is nothing but agony, despair, sadness, and it takes you a while before you realise that what you are feeling is your heart breaking into pieces, realising only now that the shackles that you had thought to be the one holding you back from your happiness had in fact been the only thing that has been holding you up and keeping you together from falling apart. Now that you are about to become free from it, there is nothing stopping it from having your entire world and the life that you had created for yourself from falling apart.
Realising all of this, you find yourself determined to start working on your plan. Rising from the bed, you walk around the bag that you have packed earlier this afternoon and reach out to find your phone, setting it up on the table near the windows so you can have better reception.
It takes a while for the call to come through, and then suddenly his face comes to the screen.
“Hey there, stranger,” Matthew’s smile comes beaming from the other end, and it brings a similar smile to your face.
“Hey, just calling to say Merry Christmas before you get too tired.”
He chuckles softly when he hears this, before answering you softly, “Merry Christmas, babe. How was the family dinner?”
“It was great,” you answer him. “It was amazing, but it probably wasn’t any close to yours. Did the Christmas Gala go on well?”
Matthew nods, and pride comes to his face when he begins sharing with you about his wonderful night with his family and the important people that had been invited to the event. It appears that a lot of people had come from every part of the city just to attend the night. Something that isn’t too surprising knowing how important his family is to the city. With his parents being high ranked politicians while he and his siblings have slowly become successful lawyers following on their tracks. Had that been the reason why you were so drawn to him? The alluring world and the glamorous life that he could offer you that had somehow seemed to be the answers to your dreams?
You can see him still wearing his tuxedo for the night, and you admire his handsome look, even if you had seen it when he sent a photo of him wearing the tux before the gala had started. Seeing that he has yet to change, it shows that the event had only ended not too long ago and he had just returned to his penthouse.
“That sounds marvellous. Are you exhausted? You seem like you’re still glowing for some reason.”
Matthew laughs. “Just the Christmas spirit, babe. I just feel sorry that you weren’t here with me. You would’ve looked amazing if you had come with me in your pretty dress.”
His words make you smile, before you feel your guilt rising slowly, reminding you of what you need to do to make things right. “Seeing that you’re now home, I was wondering if we can talk?” Your heart starts to pound even before you can say anything, but you know that you need to get through this. That you need to do this now before it would be too late. “There’s something that I need to—say. A lot of them, actually.”
“Right, right,” Matthew says, nodding his head with a knowing look on his face, just as his beaming smile slowly fades. You can see him taking a seat, resting back on the sofa that you have grown familiar with after spending many nights there with him. He rubs his palm down his face with a sigh, before looking back at you through the screen again with an intense look in his eyes and says,
“Perhaps you can start by explaining to me about the request you made through our affiliates, Jeon and Partners, before you had to leave, when you had them draft a divorce statement for you, listed under your name.”
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It feels like forever before midnight comes to pass.
Throughout the night as everyone in the lodge descends into their slumber, retreating to their rooms one person at a time with the anticipation of waking up to the bright Christmas morning, you remain in your room, waiting, until the only thing you can sense beyond that door is silence. It doesn’t take much for you to sneak into your uncle’s room and use the drunken state that he is in to coax him into lending his truck. With the keys clutched in one hand and your packed overnight bag on the other, you move carefully through the night, making your way downstairs without making so much of a noise that could possibly wake everyone up and ruin your plans.
As you continue to make your escape and slip out through the side door heading to the parked vehicles, the conversation you had with Matthew earlier continues to replay itself in your head. After the last fight you had with him, he had grown so curious to figure out why you have been acting so strange that he had gone digging around to find what you had been secretly hiding from him.
The moment he revealed to you that he had found out that you had filed for divorce to someone else through an affiliate law firm, your heart had instantly plummeted. But then as you finally told him everything, making him understand your situation and why you had to do what you are about to do, the only thing you feel after was—relief. It had been the first sign that showed you that you were on the right track. That you are doing the right thing.
The only thing for you to do left is to walk away from this. Because you can no longer lie to everyone and there is absolutely no place for you here. Not anymore. At least, not until you can—
“So that’s it? You’re going to leave again?”
You are only a few steps away to reach your uncle’s truck when you hear his voice. For a moment, the thought that perhaps you are imagining it comes across your head. But then you turn around, finding him standing there on the side porch while keeping its lights turned off.
As if he had been waiting, lurking in the dark.
As if he had predicted this.
“Namjoon—”
He remains silent as he makes his way to you, walking in slow, long strides with his head held high and his eyes locked on you. Stopping only two steps away from you, his eyes fall on the overnight bag you are carrying in your hand and his jaw clenches tight.
“You’re really leaving,” he says, before his eyes find yours.
“I—I have to,” you can barely choke out the words, suddenly feeling so small under the scrutiny of his gaze. Shaking your head, you dare yourself to look at him in the eyes to plead to him. “I’ve made a mess of things and I’ve only made it worse by coming here. You know I can’t stay. I’m so sorry.”
You turn away just then, only to have him stopping you. Catching you by the wrist, Namjoon pulls you back so that you are facing him. The hardness in his eyes is no longer present when you look up at him, though you still have no idea how to read the expression he is wearing.
He says nothing for a moment, just taking you in, then he pulls you closer to him ever so gently while murmuring, “Don’t go.” His request catches you by surprise, but it is nothing compared to what he says next. “You asked me to fight for you?” he asks, taking your other wrist into his hand as he gently peels the car keys out of your clutch. “Here I am. Don’t go. Don’t leave.”
Startled, your head falls back as you release a bitter laugh. “Oh, God. Namjoon—” You blink away the tears that are threatening to fall. You have been hoping that you could have a chance to keep it together until you can reach the town, or perhaps once you are back home, before you can have your breakdown. So much for your plans, you wonder while shaking your head.
“I can’t stay. You know I can’t,” you finally tell him. “I can no longer look into Winny’s eyes and not feel guilty for pretending to be someone I’m not, to play a role of the person who has no place here.”
Namjoon lifts your chin up with his gentle fingers, and he makes you look up to meet his gaze before he speaks. “That’s not what I saw when you were sitting there at the dinner table with us, singing along with Bernie and your uncle no matter how out of tune they were and laughing at my Dad’s corny jokes,” he says with his lips curling to a small smile. You are lost in the depth of his gaze to realise that he has not only stolen the keys away from you but he has also pulled your bag away, throwing it to the ground before he takes your hand in his.
“That’s not what I saw when you were holding my hand or when you are with Winny, tending to her needs and listening to her stories,” he says, bringing your hand to his lips. “This is where you belong, _______. You are home. You belong here with us. With me.”
He lowers his head as he says this, but instead of brushing his lips on your face or lips, he presses a kiss on the top of your head. At this point, you are slowly losing every bit of resolve that you still have, already forgetting everything that you had been planning to do.
His words serve like an enchantment, filling your head so easily to replace every thought, every doubt, and it becomes so easy for you to simply lean into it and embrace the way his request is making you feel when you have been waiting to hear those exact words to come from him for years. It had taken you so long to admit this, but you had never truly stopped waiting. You had done all you could to relinquish the hope you ever had for finding your way back to him again, only to have the memory of your broken heart stopping you from ever trying to reach out to him again.
“Stay,” he whispers softly as he buries his nose between the strands of your hair. “Don’t go.”
As you lean into him, he flattens one hand on your back, letting it drift slowly upward until his palm comes to the base of your neck. He continues to brush his nose gently across your hair, breathing through the strands while pressing his mouth to kiss your hair, with each kiss drawing a shiver through your body.
Your hand grips onto his shirt then, though you are not quite sure whether you want to stop him or to urge him to carry on. “Namjoon—”
“Sshh—” he murmurs against your hair, then his fingers find your chin, lifting your head gently to look at him again just when you try to avoid his gaze and pull away. He pulls your face towards him, letting his lips dance over yours ever so gently with a hesitant kiss.
For a brief moment, you make no move to return the kiss, still too stunned and still feeling too vulnerable against the turmoil happening inside you. As always, Namjoon manages to bring back all the emotions within you, and it takes you a moment to be able to process them all together, to let the last bit of your restraint crumble, and you begin to press against him, kissing him back gently until you both begin to let go.
He hums his approval as he kisses your lips before he pulls back. With his hooded eyes on you, he grips the back of your neck and tilts your head back. The hold he has on you feels firm, and yet he remains gentle as he is pressing his mouth on your furrowed brows, your temple, and then on your eyelids as your eyes are beginning to flutter close to his gentle kisses, before finally dipping down to find your lips.
Your fingers tighten on his shirt, and your mouth falls open against his to welcome him. And almost instantly, the kiss goes from a soft and gentle caress to a dominating one, growing hot and needy in less than a second, and you can feel his hunger taking over him as he slides his tongue into your mouth. As you are submitting to him, opening yourself up to the searing kiss and the touches of his fingers on your body, your own hands come reaching up to start clawing on his shirt, wishing it gone so you can feel the connection that you have with him through every delicate touch of your skin against his.
You have no idea what is happening to you. It is hard to explain why you cannot seem to keep your head on straight when you are in his arms. It feels like your body simply comes alive while also losing its will to run when he is holding you like this. It should be wrong to relish on this delightful feeling, when you had only come here in the first place in order to end this instead of coming back to it. But there is also something so right to be with him again. All the things that he makes you feel and everything that you share with him feel completely different from anything else that you had ever experienced. Though it is not as if you have truly experienced a lot when it comes to relationships and men.
Namjoon had always been the only one. From the only boy that you had ever loved to the only man that you have ever been with. Even if you have made up your mind to move on, to be with someone else, you have slowly realised that whatever you had with Matthew could never compare to what you and Namjoon have shared for years. And every memory of what you felt when you were with him is definitely worlds apart from the kind of feelings that Namjoon is able to ignite in you so easily with his touches.
Namjoon bites your bottom lip in the middle of the kiss, snapping you right out of it and makes you both pull back from the heated kiss. Both of you are breathless, the air between you curling with a thin veil of white fog, and there is no doubt that both of your bodies are burning with need. But neither of you make a move to come apart any further, keeping your hands on each others’ bodies to hold on and your mouths are still hovering against one another.
“Tell me you’re staying,” he whispers against your lips. As if the way you are kissing him has yet to serve as the answer that he needs to hear. And he simply needs to hear it, to have you say the words out loud.
But you find it hard for you to speak. Both from being so breathless still and for feeling the fear that you might be giving the wrong answer. Suddenly, you are no longer sure just where you are leaning into. A part of you still wants to flee, to protect yourself from the past heartache and the possibility of having to go through all of it all over again. While another part of you finds home in his embrace, and there is nothing that your soul wants more than to return to a place where you truly belong.
“I can’t—” you begin to answer, only to stop when you have no idea what to say. You simply cannot decide which path to take as of this moment, when everything seems to be crumbling just the way it did the day you left this town 3 years ago. But then you reach up, resting your palm on his face as you look straight into his eyes, finding the love that had been the reason for you to live, coming from the man who had once been your strength and your weakness, and everything inside you breaks apart. “Namjoon—”
You know that he can see it in your eyes as it happens, when he can see the pain in your eyes that is too stubborn to leave. Then he is suddenly looming over you, pushing you back towards your uncle’s truck until you can feel the hard ridges from the vehicle pressing against your back. You cannot really tell whether it is coming from his rage for seeing your inability to let go of the past or simply a part of his presence, but he sets your body on fire without even laying a single touch of his hand.
“You don’t have to leave,” he whispers, suddenly pressing so close to you as he pins you back against the truck that you can feel his chest vibrating with his deep voice.
“I have to,” you choke out, though you are starting to feel yourself giving in.
“No one said that you should.”
You continue to shake your head. “It won’t be right if I stay any longer,” you mutter softly, more to yourself than to him, but Namjoon takes it as something that you are throwing at him just to have a reason to walk away.
“Says who?”
“Namjoon, I—” You stop and look at him. Your eyes find his, finding the pain emitting from within their depths, and it is enough to make you question things. But you need to get things out of your chest and make him see it. “What we’ve done, what we’ve been doing—That kiss under the mistletoe, that was a part of an act, a show, but everything else that came after—” you shake your head at him. “It was wrong. We were wrong. We shouldn’t have let things gone so far.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” Your breath hitches just as the twist in your chest returns. “Namjoon, I said yes. I was already engaged to someone else.” You bite your tongue to avoid telling him the truth, that even if you leave today, you may not have anything to come back to. Not after that last conversation that you had with Matthew and how he had reacted to the news.
But instead of yelling at you, Namjoon simply looks at you with a deep gaze that has yet to waver. “You’re still my wife,” he says, with a tone that you can barely decipher, though you can still feel him laying claim on you with those words.
“Do you love him?”
His question surprises you. You open your mouth, only to close it again when you cannot find the answer. Do you really love him? Have you ever truly felt anything for Matthew? Or do you simply love the idea of having someone admiring you, loving you, chasing you to the end of the earth with a promise of forever?
The promise that Namjoon had once given you, and apparently he had kept without you knowing any of it. All of a sudden this thought comes into your head, sneaking in when least expected. It may have gotten inside your head ever since you started seeing this new part of him, to know all the things that he had been working on and the reason behind all of it.
But you still have to return, you remind yourself that you would still need to resolve things with Matthew face to face, to be able to have an actual conversation that a simple video call couldn’t provide so you can explain yourself properly. And you also have your job. The career that you have built for many years, waiting for you to return. Even if you know that things would certainly change now, because there is no way you could possibly return to work in the same place with Matthew. Not after what you did.
“One day,” he says, stopping you before you can say anything. “Just stay here with me one more day, and you can decide tomorrow if you still want to leave or if you want to stay for another.” He stops to take a deep breath, before adding with a small voice, “If not for me, then—”
You grimace when you suddenly remember.
Winny.
Your eyes flutter close when a pinch of guilt comes to your chest. Would you really have done it to Winny, to just walk away and leave without saying goodbye? After everything that she had done for you?
You open your eyes again. And the first thing that you see when you look at him nearly knocks the air out of your chest. In his eyes, you see something that he had never truly shown you before. Something that you cannot remember ever seeing before.
You see his vulnerability. You see his pain. And suddenly, you question yourself if there is really something true in the words that he had given you before.
“Did you mean it? What you said before—?”
He frowns. “About what?”
“That you—” You stop, not sure how to approach this without having him pulling away from you again. Not sure how much it will break you if he isn’t giving you the answer that you want to hear. “That you never—”
“I never gave up,” he immediately answers before you can question him properly. “Never really did.” His deep gaze softens as he releases a deep sigh. Then you can see his guilt as he looks at you, before he covers it by resting his forehead on yours. “I wanted to race out there and fight for you the moment I realised that I was nothing without you and that I shouldn’t have pushed you away. But I knew that it wouldn’t be right for me if I had simply begged you to come back when you were finally getting everything you wanted.”
Once he stops talking, you find yourself exhaling a relieved sigh. Hearing his words doesn’t erase the pain that you had gotten from the past, but it does make your heart swell. And it changes the way you are seeing him even further. He is still silent as he gives you a chance to process this, making no move to touch you or to walk away, until you push yourself up on your tiptoes and press your lips on his.
“One day,” you whisper softly, finally agreeing. The logical part of your mind is telling you that you are simply agreeing to stay simply because it is late, and there is no way you could possibly drive all the way back to town in the darkness and through the route down the mountains that you can barely remember.
But the other part of your mind is telling you something else. Insisting that you would stay solely because of him. Because you want to see another glimpse of Namjoon that you haven’t seen and all that you have missed ever since you left. And you can tell that you are opening up to him, and opening up to chances, finally giving in to this moment, no matter how hard you have been trying to fight it. And you let him know this when you tilt your face up toward his once again, as if giving yourself to him, but also giving him a chance to take the olive branch that you are handing out to him.
Namjoon seems hesitant at first, not completely sure if you are truly giving things a chance or if you are seconds away from challenging him again. But as you remain defiant, keeping your chin up as he dips his head lower, and then lower, and you make no move to look away or to push him back, Namjoon no longer holds himself back.
You feel like you are in a daze when you feel his lips on yours, still barely recovering after all the revelation that he had just given you. He kisses you gently at first, brushing his lips lightly against yours once, twice, and then pressing slightly harder when he comes for the third. It sure feels like he is still holding himself back, as if he simply refuses to give in entirely. Not when you still refuse to let him see what his kisses and his touches do to you.
As you close your eyes, the pained look that you saw from him earlier comes back to you, reminding you of the pain that you had felt years ago when you walked away from this old town, and it brings back the pain that you felt from losing him then. Just as you lean further against him, you realise that you have yet to heal from that old wound, which explains the need that you keep feeling to protect yourself from having too much hope. You also realise that you have come so close to losing him again tonight, and you would have probably been nursing the opened wound if he hadn’t chased you out from running.
The moment these thoughts fill your head, your body simply reacts. Your chest arches against him while your hands move to reach out to him, fingers tightening on his shirt, pulling him closer and tethering him to you as you take his bottom lip between your mouth and give him a light bite. The pain that you ignite in him snaps him out of it. And all so suddenly, Namjoon loses all control, and he simply lets himself go.
The moment his mouth meets yours again, a growl slips out of him and he pushes you firmly against the side of the truck, pressing his hard body against yours to pin you harder in place so that there is no more chance for you to escape. As his kiss becomes deeper, with him spilling all his need into it, his hands move around you, with one of them resting at the back of your head to hold you still against him while the other comes wrapping around your waist to press you to his chest. You simply melt against him, feeling his heartbeat pacing against yours and your body heat searing hot between you that it could have melted the snow around you if you would let them.
“We need to get inside. Can’t have you out here, you’ll be freezing cold,” he murmurs against your lips, his breath already growing ragged with need, while his touches are growing hot on your skin that not even your sweater can keep you from feeling it.
“Okay,” you whisper against his lips, though there is something in his eyes that keeps telling you that it wouldn’t simply be an act of sheltering you from the cold if you ever let him take you back inside. That he has something else in mind and the moment he can get you someplace safe, to get you to a place that is warm and comfortable, letting you rest would be the last thing in his mind.
You can also feel it in the way he is grabbing your hand and pulling you with him back into the lodge. How he is walking with long, impatient strides, keeping his shoulders straight, it becomes more obvious that he is moving with a goal set in mind. And then he quickly proves to you that you are right when he makes a turn as soon as you are both inside the lodge, moving towards the other side of the ground floor and away from the stairs, before opening a door that he finds downstairs. The next thing you know, he is pulling you into a bedroom that seems to have been left vacant as everyone had chosen all the bedrooms available on the upper floors.
Once you are both inside, Namjoon wastes no time to turn you around and push you against the door right after he closes and locks it behind him. Then his mouth quickly returns to yours, pressing a searing kiss that no longer holds any apprehension, showing you nothing more but lust and temptation and the pure hunger that he has more than once shown you before. What happens next is a flurry of clashing tongues and teeth and lips moulding to one another. His fingers come up to the back of your head, clutching tightly on your hair to hold you in place as he continues to devour your mouth, drawing soft moans from your throat and light shudders all over your body.
With his other hand, he follows the surge of pleasure running down your body, tracing his fingers down your curves while pressing down on your sensitive spots as he makes his way down. Your chest arches as he brushes his thumb over your covered nipple, pressing down hard over the nub that the sweater you are wearing barely feels present. Then he grabs tightly on your waist, pulling you to him and pressing against the small of your back until your hips are connected to his, allowing him to rub the evidence of his desire right against your abdomen, showing you without so much of a word just what you have been doing to him while claiming you as his.
This.
This is everything that you remember of him. The way he takes without any shred of guilt when he presses his lips on yours and his hands are gripping you possessively without giving you any chance to slip away. How he devours your lips with pure hunger, swallowing your gasps, drowning the sound of your moans, and drinking the sounds of your breath until you are nothing but a bundle of flames, burning from deep within with your desire that continues to build up stronger as he lets you feel his own. The way he fists on your hair, entangling his long fingers through each curl and pulling your head back to make you submit to him, giving him access to trail his mouth down the column of your throat and giving him a full reign to control your body. The way he is rolling his hips, pressing the bulge of his arousal against the center of your pulsing need while his mouth continues to devour you.
Namjoon grunts against your skin as he nips at the sensitive spot under your ear, as he has recognised every part of your body that would be able to respond so easily to his touches. Then he slides one hand—the one that isn’t holding you up against him—to reach beneath your sweater, climbing back up the moment he meets your bare skin underneath, and then keeps moving up, until his fingers meet your bra and he swiftly grabs on to it, pulling it down, giving him full access to your breasts.
His hand comes back up, taking one mound into his palm, sending a wave of pleasure down your body as he begins to work on the soft flesh and the hardened nub with his palm and fingers. The wave continues to ripple inside you, rising steadily, moving from where he is touching you towards your pulsing core.
For every single time you are lost in bliss under his talented hands, you keep telling yourself how wrong it would be to give in. Even if he had been right when he reminded you that you are still legally his wedded wife, but years have passed and you still have something left unresolved waiting for you back in the city. But as he continues kissing you, his mouth pressing at the right places along the column of your throat then coming back up to find your lips, his hands touching everywhere while igniting the flame within you, you keep finding it hard to convince yourself to stop, to admit that this is something that you shouldn’t be doing.
How is this wrong, when it is your husband who is touching you? The man who you are still legally married to, both in the papers and under the legitimacy of your vows? And how can you possibly say that this is a mistake, when your heart still beats for him the way it did the day you said ’I do’, and when your whole body would only come awake under his touch?
When his hands are on your waist, pressing and kneading the way he would do it back then while rising you up against the wooden door behind you, you finally realise the reason why it had always felt as if your skin was crawling whenever Matthew touched you. The reason why your body seemed to scream ’this is wrong!’ whenever you tried to make love to another man.
Because both your heart and soul had only been searching for the one they have always meant to be with, and that person is the man who is now lifting you in his arms, carrying you to the bed that is placed right at the center of the room.
With his mouth no longer latching onto yours, you finally allow yourself to look around. The room is dark, with only the soft gleam from the moonlight illuminating the room, but you can still see Namjoon’s desire in his eyes as he gently sets you down on your back, right on top of the plushy bed that has grown cold for being neglected for days.
Under his gaze, your whole body thrums with a sort of carnal desperation. Something that you are beginning to see as a feeling that he might be experiencing as well, when you watch his eyes glinting with lust and pain when he rakes down your body with his gaze, when his chest heaves with all the pent up desire that he seems to have kept buried for a long time, and when his hands seem to unable to stay away, already reaching out to you and touching you with his gentle caress as if he wants to make sure that you are real.
When your hands reach for him, you realise that you share the same desperate need to feel him, to touch and connect to him. All the pain that you felt from the past is beginning to simmer, but it is still present, reminding you how painful it would be to lose him again and how close you had been to let it happen.
As his touches grow bolder, you feel that you are getting just as eager. Your hands begin to tug at his clothes while your mouth keeps meeting his with a passion that you haven’t felt for a long time and matches terribly to his own. Namjoon slips your sweater off of your shoulders, tossing it away to the nearest chair, before tossing his own jacket away to join it. He returns to you in a matter of seconds, then slides his fingers beneath your shirt with a sense of starvation and need to touch your bare skin. You can feel his hunger when his body vibrates right when you are shuddering under his touch, and you can hear it when he lets out a deep grunt while his breath grows ragged the moment your skin connected to each other.
The sound that he keeps making is causing you to grow more impatient, and you begin to tug and pull at his shirt, not even caring about it when you pop out the buttons in your desperate need to take his shirt right off of his body. Namjoon seems to share the same feeling, when it seems like the only concern that he has at the moment is to get you out of your clothes. He keeps tugging impatiently at your shirt while giving you his kisses so recklessly that you can feel your lips bruising with each pressure of his lips on yours. But you care nothing of it, only returning the kiss with your own need, while you do the same as you continue to tug at his clothes until his chest is left bare right at the same time he manages to toss your shirt away.
His eyes instantly fall onto your chest when you come apart, eyes dilating at the sight of your breasts spilling out of your bra after the mess that he had created in the heat of the moment, and the sight carries on to entice him further as your chest keeps rising and falling with your ragged breath. It sends him into some kind of a hungry daze, as his hands absentmindedly reach out for you, all while muttering under his breath, “Beautiful,” before he dips his head, capturing your mouth while his hands continue to mesh, knead, pressing onto your soft flesh and pinching at your nipples until you arch your body against him, feeling the pleasure moving rapidly inside you like sparks of flame licking at your center.
His hands trail down to your waist, cursing under his breath when he finds the waistband of your pants getting in the way. Instinctively, you also curse along with him at your decision to wear them. Though it had been undeniably the perfect decision for you to take before running out into the cold, you hate to admit that if only you had been wearing a skirt, or perhaps the same dress that you had worn during dinner, he would already find his way to be inside of you, to be touching you right where you are pulsing with need.
He doesn’t even try to pull away from the kiss even as he tugs at the zipper on your pants with one hand while he tries to work on his own zipper with the other, all while his tongue keeps dancing and teasing against yours in a way which sends magnificent jolts of need all the way down to your toes.
He stops the kiss as he shoves your pants down to your hips and you help as much as you could—by tearing your flimsy bra and kicking the damn pants and underthings the rest of the way until they are all gone, fallen to the floor before Namjoon climbs back on top of you. By then, you are nearly blinded with desire, and it intensifies the moment he slips his fingers between your legs, finding out just how ready you are for him. The touch of his fingers dancing around your heat draws a soft moan right out of your lips, while he breathes out a sigh of relief, as if your readiness serves as the answer to his prayers.
Instead of taking the chance to continue devouring you, Namjoon pulls back, his fingers retreating from your pulsing heat to shove his own pants down, releasing his cock as he kicks everything away. His pants and boxers fall onto the floor with a heap of a mess, and his hand comes down to wrap his hard length, stroking himself a few times as he bends down on the bed, his mouth finding your bare neck where he presses a kiss onto. At the sound of your whimper, his free hand reaches down between your legs, finding your heat once more. This time, his fingers move rather gentle and slow as he circles around your folds, moving in a steady rhythm as he slowly finds the center, then he dips the tips in, pressing right where your arousal keeps dripping out.
“Ah—Namjoon!”
He hums against the nape of your neck as he slowly pushes his way in, dipping his fingers into your heat all the way to his knuckles and grunts as he feels your body shuddering against him. “Fuck, you’re tightening around me, Baby Doll,” he groans deeply, growing nearly breathless as he relishes on the way you are pulsing around his fingers while he continues to stroke himself gently, you can feel him moving against your hips and you raise yourself, inviting him to push himself into you.
Instead, he simply moves his fingers, sliding them in and out of you and rubbing the digits against your pulsing walls while his thumb finds your clit, pressing and circling until the pleasure comes rolling upward and you are left trashing on the bed with the need for release. You can feel the pleasure rising, reaching its peak, but also not quite there. Namjoon can probably feel this too as he gives you a quick peck on the lips before pulling back, suddenly rising and then climbing down the bed. He still has his fingers playing with your cunt, slowly picking up their pace as he thrusts them deeper, pressing right at your sweet spot, before he pulls his thumb away and his mouth latches on in its place.
Everything falls into another flurry of sinful bliss while your body becomes nothing but a bundle of nerve ending as he plays with your body so fluidly—his fingers continue pumping in and out of you, his mouth and tongue taking turns to tease and torture at your swollen clit, sucking and lapping while sometimes he would get his teeth into the mix and brush against the pulsing flesh until you are left trashing and crying with pleasure. There are tears in your eyes at how good he is making you feel and how quickly you are coming over the edge. With your hands clutching on his head, you press your hips down against his face, riding his mouth and hand with a matching pace to the rising pulse of your climax, chasing it with the help of his coaxing words, until you are finally there, as your orgasm comes rolling so intensely there is nothing stopping you from falling over the edge.
Your whole body continues to pulse with the spasms of your climax even as he slowly pulls back, releasing you from his mouth while his fingers are still moving gently around your folds to help you ride it down. Moving ever so slowly, Namjoon climbs his way back up, pressing his hand onto the bed beside you to prop himself over you. He stays there for a moment, watching you closely as you try to control your breath, your eyes slowly opening to him with pure love and lust looking back at him right at the same time you are seeing them coming from his own eyes.
“You can stop me,” he whispers hoarsely. “If you don’t want to do this. If you still want to—”
Go.
The words die down on his tongue, and yet you can still see the fear and doubt in his eyes without him ever having to say them out loud. You reach out to him, trembling hands cupping his face, your thumbs brushing to wipe away the remnants of your release that are still coating his mouth and chin even after he had tried to brush them all clean. “Make love to me, Namjoon,” you whisper to him. “Make me feel alive again. You’re the only one who can make me feel.”
There is a hint of relief and a glint of hope in his eyes when he hears your words. With a smile on his face, he turns to kiss your palm, pressing his mouth on one side before turning to do the same to the other. His gentle hands come up, catching your wrists as he begins kissing down on them, then he brings your hands down to rest them above your heads, pressing them down to the pillows before he lowers himself on top of you and quickly catches your mouth in his once again.
“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time, Baby Doll. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers against your lips, drawing your tears out when you realise that you have been feeling the exact same way.
One of his hands comes down, before you can feel the tip of his cock rubbing against your slit. He takes a moment to coat his shaft with your arousal, moving it up and down and then around your clit, making your legs tremble around him, until you feel the fat tip of his cock pressing and nudging at your entrance.
With his mouth pressing down on yours, he swallows the soft cries you are making as he sinks into you, groaning deeply as he feels your wet heat engulfing him, wrapping around his girth. He waits for a moment, only until he can feel the intense pulsing of your walls around him slowly wane down, until your body relaxes beneath him, until his own heartbeat steadies and he no longer has to worry about coming too soon to the pleasure of being buried inside you again after so long.
You throw your head back against the pillows as he begins to move, gently and slowly at first, his deep groans turning into whimpers as he relishes the wonderful feeling of his cock brushing against your walls. He thrusts, and thrusts, moving in and out with a steady pace, and you reach out to him just as he finally releases you so he can hold your hips up to him, your hands clinging onto him, urging him on as your need continues to boil hotter from the depth of your core. The sweet and soft sounds you are making soon becomes the encouragement that he needs, along with the way your nails are beginning to clutch and bury themselves into his skin. He leans forward, kissing you again as your hips begin to rock against each other. The old bed creaks beneath you, but nothing can stop either one of you from rolling your hips, chasing and drowning yourself in the pleasure of his lovemaking, pushing up when he presses down, slowly increasing the pace as the need to chase for climax begins to grow stronger on both of you.
Namjoon continues pounding and thrusting his cock rapidly into your heat while you reciprocate by moving your hips, lifting yourself up to meet each of his thrusts. The emotions piling up from the past few days that you have spent with him are all coming to a head, leaving you both clinging desperately to each other as you try to ease the tension that are still carried by both your bodies and your broken hearts. With a deep groan, Namjoon raises his hands, gripping the wooden headrest right above your head as he keeps on bringing you over to the edge of your bliss, picking up his pace as he puts more force into his thrusts, sending you both jostling on top of the bed. And yet his cock keeps hitting you deep to a point that you are feeling the mix of pain and pleasure meshed together in one delightful bliss.
Soon enough, the waves of your orgasm begin to build up once more, coming to you stronger and faster without giving you a chance to hold back. Your breath begins to come out shorter, the cries of pleasure keeps getting caught in your throat at the force of his pounding, before it comes out higher when the pain slowly descends, leaving nothing but pleasure in its place.
“I love you,” he rasps between his thrusts, wanting you to hear it. And you can see his need to let you know this when he never once looks away as he buries himself deep inside you. “I’ve always loved you and I still do. I never stopped, damn it.”
Your gaze turns up and finds his, only to grow blurry and hazy at the mix of your tears and the rising bliss just as you scream out, “I love you too, Namjoon. Always have.”
And always will.
At the exchange of your words, something within you snaps, and with one single thrust, he pushes you over to the edge, sending you tumbling over to the peak of your pleasure with a loud cry of his name. Your climax comes through you in an intense wave, vibrating from deep inside you and wrapping tightly around him to send him to his own release. A deep groan continues to rumble from his chest as he keeps on thrusting, the movement of his cock turns rapid and messy and filled with the desperate need to reach his end before you feel him swelling, tightening inside you, then he pushes forward and going so deep one last time as he releases himself inside you, filling you up with his cum.
The moment everything stops, Namjoon drops down beside you and pulls you to his chest. He continues to hold you tight between his strong arms, letting you feel his heartbeat without minding the thin veil of sweat building between you. As the remaining spasms of your release begin to wind down, your eyes slowly flutter to close, relishing on the mixture of emotions and the feelings running through your body—the warmth of his embrace, the wet heat coming from his release that is still dripping out of your pulsing core, and the feeling of love fluttering inside your heart.
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Your whole body feels incredibly relaxed, while at the same time, completely sore, by the time dawn comes peeking through the window. And yet, you find there is no need to complain about it when your body is also humming with pure pleasure as you open your eyes and stretch your limbs out beside him.
For the rest of the night after your rigorous lovemaking, Namjoon has shown you just how insatiable he could be when he is with you.
For hours, he had taken you in every position possible for a man to take you. With you on top, riding him while facing him and then facing the other way. With him on top of you, taking you hard and gentle and then with a lazy roll of his hips until you were sent into a slow rising bliss. With you in all fours, as he took you from behind, not even caring how the bed kept making loud noises as it kept on banging against the wall with how hard he was pounding his cock into you until your whole body was trembling with your intense climax. You have lost count on how many times he had made you cum, as he simply kept on going, only giving you a short amount of time for breaks each time before taking you again, as if he was making up for lost time the best he could, showing you what three years of exercising and working out while working hard labour had done to his body and stamina.
As if he had been doing it to prepare for this moment, just to please you like nobody could.
“I did some thinking. You know, after our fight 3 years ago,” he murmurs softly after kissing the top of your head. You have your head resting on his shoulder, while he has his arm around your shoulders, his fingers running up and down your arm absentmindedly to enjoy the silence that had fallen between you. “I knew you were right all along, but I guess I was too stubborn to see it then. Then I went to your graduation, watching you from far away since I had too much pride to join my Mom to sit with your family then. But I was still there to see you taking that step onto the life that you had always wanted, and that was when it truly hit me.”
You instantly look up at his face as you listen to him. It surprises you to hear that he had been there for your graduation, when you had spent the entire night after the ceremony crying over his absence. But you say nothing about this, only staying silent as you continue to listen.
“It took me a long time, but I also realised that just because we lost—” he chokes out as he always does whenever he talks about this, so you rub your hand gently over his chest, soothing him so that he could go on. “It didn’t mean that I—that we had lost a chance to still build our family.”
Sighing, you are filled with both relief and despair to know that it has taken him so long to get to this point. To realise all of this. But you are also glad that he is finally there. “That was what I kept trying to tell you,” you murmur to him while trying your best to keep your tears at bay. “But I had to understand. Our reason to believe that we could be a family at all was because of—of him, our little peanut,” you chuckle softly at the short memory of being a young mother. “So it was hard for both of us to look past that and to see us having a life without him with us. At one point, I couldn’t see it. But all I ever wanted was for us to heal together.”
Namjoon closes his eyes briefly and sighs. And then you can see the regret in his eyes when he looks at you again. “I just didn’t want to hold you back. When I finally realised that I could no longer put my life on hold, I also knew that the only way for me to change things up was to start from the beginning rather than for me to chase your shadow. I reapplied for college once I got back home, finished early, started working with my Dad to learn the ropes, and did everything I could to build everything from the ground up, both literally and figuratively, starting with my own life first, stopping it from crumbling to the ground before I started doing the same to the old buildings in town.”
You push yourself up. “Why didn’t I know any of this?”
Namjoon doesn’t answer you right away, but chooses to bring up your question instead. “You asked me why I kept sending the papers back.”
Hesitantly, you nod your head.
“I wanted to win you back,” he says, his smile never leaving his face. “But first, I wanted to become someone who you can rely on, and I knew I had to prove to myself, to you, to everyone, that I can be someone that you can depend on when the only thing people saw from me was how much I had failed you.”
With a sigh, he lets his head fall back. His eyes looking up to the ceiling but his gaze seems further away as he looks back to the past. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I still blame myself for what happened with—” Again, he chokes, but the pain is no longer there when he looks at you. “But I blame myself more for being stuck inside my head while I was grieving that I completely neglected you, completely disregarded my part as your husband, and as the man who vowed to take care of you.”
He lifts his hand, brushing your hair and tucking it behind your ear gently. “I’m sorry it took me a long time to realise it. I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve done it sooner,” he says, keeping his eyes on yours. “I should’ve been there for you and fought my way back up together with you.”
“You could’ve told me. I would have—” you try to speak, “I wouldn’t have—”
Namjoon stops you by pressing a light peck on the tip of your nose. “It doesn’t matter now anyway, right?”
And then it dawns on you, just as you are reminded of how your Mom had sat you down on that first night you arrived, before everyone came by to join dinner, when she asked you gently to have a proper conversation with Namjoon before deciding to do anything. When she asked you to listen to him. “My parents knew about this.”
Namjoon slowly nods. “They had always been the ones to give me their full support. And Bernie wasn’t lying when he said they all helped. Bernie and your uncle, specifically, have been great partners in expanding my construction business.”
It sure takes a lot to take in. There have been so many changes happening while you were gone, so many things that you have missed. Perhaps you were wrong after all when you had thought that life would simply stop in this place, that it would be impossible for you to expand your life in such a small town where there were so many barriers, so many limitations, and not enough room to grow.
But when you had managed to prove to everyone and the world that it was possible for you to have big dreams and to reach for them by leaving, Namjoon had shown that it was possible to have them all by staying.
“I signed the papers,” he murmurs softly, reminding you about the predicament that you have found yourself in. You close your eyes as your heart pinches under the memory of waking up to find those damn papers.
“I saw.” You open your eyes to look at him and sigh. “I haven’t put down my signature yet.”
“Why?” he asks, and then his vulnerability shines bright in his eyes. “Are you going to sign it?”
“I don’t know anymore,” you find yourself answering him, before the pain in your chest increases and you simply drop down on top of his chest to hold him tight. “I won’t. No, never. I’m going to burn those papers once the sun comes up.” Namjoon’s chest rumbles with a chuckle, though you can still feel him sighing with relief when he presses his mouth on your temple. “I ended it. The engagement,” you whisper to him while keeping your face pressed to his bare chest, afraid of what you might find when you look at him.
Namjoon says nothing at first before you feel him nodding. “I know,” he whispers as he buries his nose into your hair, breathing you in before he sighs in relief.
You raise your head to look up. “What? How?”
He hums softly. “I just—I can tell. And I overheard a little bit of your argument while you were on the video call earlier. I was standing right outside the bedroom,” he admits to you sheepishly. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” you say to him after reading the expression on his face, finding more relief and pride present there instead of remorse. “You’re definitely not sorry.”
A slow smile grows on his face as he dips his head, capturing your lips in his with a whisper, “No. No, I’m not.”
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Epilogue…
There was a saying that you read a long time ago. One that said how time flies over everyone, but leaves its shadow behind.
Months have passed since you were reunited with Namjoon. Ever since the holiday week that you spent with him where you were given the chance to revisit your past and to have another look at the life that you had at that moment to find what you had been missing.
The summer breeze comes flowing through, making your dress dance around you as you slowly walk down the path between the guests, surrounded by the familiar faces of your family and friends who have arrived to become a part of this moment.
You make a quick glance over to the seats, your eyes meeting Winny’s, finding her beaming with a smile as she watches you with pride in her eyes. The trip in the winter had done a lot to help her recover, and she had become one of the first people around you to support this day to happen. Everything else had simply fallen in place since—the bar had been expanded to have its own bed and breakfast, Namjoon’s business has risen even faster than what he had ever predicted, as the Mayor’s testimony of his work had spread so fast to the neighbouring town that he had gained even more work, saved even more buildings, and there is nothing stopping him now from blossoming.
And then there is you.
It is certainly funny how life works, how it had chosen to send you into different paths and different kinds of adventures before it finally leads you towards your fairy tale ending.
When you came back home all those months ago, you had thought that you would return to the big city with closure, with a chance to move on with a fairy tale ending. Never once you had ever thought that you would find yourself instead.
Instead of closure, you had found a new beginning, a second chance, and to finally open your eyes to realise that you had already found your fairy tale ending, and you never had to look far to see it. And now you are here, walking towards the happy ending that you had dreamed of for a long time, in the magical moment that you had pictured in your head ever since you were a little girl—a white wedding at the top of the cliff, overlooking the town and the canyons below, with you wearing an ivory dress that sparkles beautifully under the bright sun above.
You look ahead, meeting Namjoon’s gaze as he waited for you at the end of the path, standing not too far away from the edge of the cliff that serves as your final stage. Right beside him is the Mayor, acting as the officiant for this ceremony, a surprise gift that he had offered after finding out about your plans for renewing your marriage vows with Namjoon. The fact that he had offered his service only months after you had officially become his legal advisor was almost too good to be true, but the man had claimed that he owed so much to Namjoon, and then now to you, to take the pleasure of becoming a part of this moment.
You look at Namjoon and smile at him. There are tears in his eyes when you finally reach him. His hands are trembling when he takes yours in his, but the moment your hands touch each other, the only thing you both feel is a wave of calmness, as the bond between you takes over to eliminate all the nerves.
You barely pay attention as the Mayor reads out the written vows that you had prepared for each other, only until the moment he gives you the final question, of promising a forever with Namjoon, both in happiness and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, and nothing can ever set you apart.
You raise your head, looking straight into the eyes of the man who had always been there as a part of your journey, whether or not he was constantly present in every page of your tale. Your husband. Your Prince Charming.
And as you look out beyond the cliff, into the sight of nothingness that also offers you a wide-open space with a thousand of possibilities for your future, you feel as if you are free falling into your new beginning, and you simply take it, knowing full well that he would be there to catch your fall.
Always.
“I do.”
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Extra: honourable mention - BM (Matthew) from Kard
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❥ Author’s note 2.0 | Thank you for reading!
❥ Taglist | @hearteuforjoonie — @blue1928 — @jeonmisha — @smitssharon02 — @mini-coop25​ — @sumzysworld — @namjooningelsewhere — @nyamnomnamujoon — @rrrrap-monster — @moonchild1 — @onlythehobi — @secretlypg95 — @girlsforgloss — @kpopstudybee — @mynameis-kim​
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breakiebunny · 2 months ago
Text
Spice| KNJ
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summary: you and your colleague don`t see eye to eye, the room for improvement completely goes out of the window when something happens at work that ruins a major career step of your life.
genre: fluff, angst, smut, chef Namjoon, enemies to lovers.
words: 16.4K
warnings: Astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightening) smut, fingering, oral sex (m and f receiving) size kink, flirting, degradation, titty sucking, pet names.
tag: @kookiecrumb​
This was supposed to be posted on Joon`s bday but hey its still september.
It was one of those days when you don’t want to do anything, just lay in bed, watch Netflix and pig out on anything your kitchen offers, preferably cooked but hey who cares. You get up in a particularly grumpy mood this morning, despite being the shitiest morning person, you`re usually quite all right with waking up in the mornings but today was just not cutting it, and to top it all off, you would have to deal Kim Namjoon, your fellow assistant chef and worst nightmare, although he had the same post as you he thought of himself as your boss for some reason. Since day one, he has been nothing but a pain in the ass, annoying and cocky, a know it all, he made it clear that cooking was a hobby of his and this job is just a part of his “Fun hobby.” You enter the grand building through the back door, heading straight for the staff room, changing into your crisp white uniform, maybe cooking will calm you down, it always did and you loved your job, no matter how tiring and demanding it was, you loved every second of it.
“Late again?” you hear the voice of non other than Kim Namjoon, the only thing you hated about your job. You roll your eyes and walk past him, not really wanting to talk to him or just talk in general.
“We really value time here Y/N, maybe you should too.” He says as you reach the door, your grip tightening on the knob, knuckles turning white.
“I would really appreciate if you could please mind your own business and not talk to me, like…at all.” You give him a tight lipped smile and storm outside of the staff room. Today, one of the biggest companies in the country chose your hotel to host their annual company lunch, you wanted it to be perfect, staff was gathering in the hall for a meeting with the executive chef Kim Seokjin, one of the country`s finest chefs.
“Everyone, I`m glad to announce Min Enterprises has chosen Black Lagoon for their annual company lunch, I am confident that we will be able to pull this off like a piece of cake, team work makes the dream work, any questions?” Seokjin claps.
“Chef, is there a special menu or any specific instructions we need to follow?” You ask your notepad ready.
“No, Mr. Min has not informed us of a specific menu so the menu will be what we have already, just make sure everything is in order and gets served to every head on time.” Seokjin tells you.
“If he had something special to tell you, he would’ve told you without you asking.” You hear Namjoon snicker and you feel your blood pressure shooting up a little, but you can`t afford to be mad or lose control, not today, so you decide to glare at him.
“This means I want my best chefs to work extra carefully and in harmony, is that understood?” Jin says and everyone in the room knows who he is talking about, let`s just say you and Namjoon have the reputation of causing a little disturbance.
“Absolutely! But I think you should talk to someone else here chef, who is a little C word.” Namjoon whisper shouts towards Seokjin and he looks at you. This man was getting despicable with each passing day and you were not ready to lose your job and catch a case for seriously injuring him. The broth of hate that bubbles inside you even when Namjoon breathes is not without a reason, you loved your post but you could’ve been the executive chef right now if it wasn’t for him, it was seven months ago, when the Black Lagoon was selected to hold the finest dinner for the government officials. The special guest being a foreign secretary, the staff was buzzing with nerves and so were you, special events were always exciting and a great chance to prove yourself.
“You have shown great potential for what it takes to be the executive chef for our hotel” Hoseok looks at you with a nod. “I`m not saying that we`ll be evaluating you all based on your performance today but that`s exactly what I`m saying.” Hoseok, the hotel manager says, his smile blinding and so was his hint. You grin, determined in your heart that you will get promoted no matter what because you are the best chef here, you will be the executive chef no matter what. The dinner starts in like an hour and you fall behind your schedule because of a mistake Jungkook, the rookie in your kitchen made.
“I messed up chef, I`m so so sorry.” He`s on the verge of tears as you examine the ruined sauce in the pot.
“No, hey it`s fine, look at me, no time to panic, we`ll fix it, let me help you.” Your voice determined. Jungkook sniffles and nods. You still had to scale the angelfish and take out each and every bone, it was the main course today. Your hands shake a little at the thought of messing this night up.
“Chef, you can go help him, I will get the fish ready.” You hear Namjoon offer with a reassuring hand on your shoulder.
“You sure?” you ask in a hurry, not wanting to waste any time further.
“Yes, go, we don’t have time.” He ushers you and you jog over to the sauce station with Jungkook. This sauce had no hope left for it, so make a new one on the spot, which takes about twenty minutes.
“Stir, don’t stop and turn off the heat after five minutes exact! No covering the pot.” You instruct Jungkook.
“Yes chef!” he bellows and you jog over to your station, the fish already placed there, clean and ready to cook, you start your work, happy that everything went perfectly fine even if there was a little accident, thankfully it was handled on time. The dinner got served and you were in the staff room, exhausted but happy with today, you were absolutely sure that today was the day your dreams come true. You were done for the day so you decide to change into your clothes but then someone knocks on the door.
“Y/N, Manager Jung is calling you.” You see Jihyo`s head popping from the door, she was pale and her voice shaked as she spoke making the smile fall from your lips.
“What happened? Is everything okay?” you shoot up from the bench and go to her. She was pale and her hands were cold as ice when you hold them.
“The fish Y/n, it had a bone.” She whispers horrified and you feel as if someone kicked you in the stomach, the sinking feeling burning your insides, a mistake like this can damage the reputation of the hotel and a mistake like this on a special night like this can absolutely ruin the name which was made after decades of hard work by the founders of the hotel.
“Bone? It can`t be.” Your voice betrays you, her words finally settling in.
“I don’t know Y/n, there was a bone and now Mr. Jung wants to see you.” Jihyo`s eyes were glistening at this point. You don’t say another word and head to the manager`s office. The door opens and you are met with a very disappointed Hoseok, the guest was nice enough to laugh the situation off but that little accident meant no executive position for you, not this year at least if you are lucky and that`s how Jin became your superior. You get out of the office with tears in your eyes, all your hard work, your dreams and ambitions were crushed and it was all because you trusted Namjoon. You sniffle, your tears now uncontrollable. The hallways empty because tonight the hotel was reserved for the special event only.
“Y/N, I`m sorry…I know…” you hear Namjoon behind you and your blood boils at the sound, without  thinking you grab the fresh tulip decoration vase from the table and throw it at him, he dodges it quickly causing the vase to hit a wall behind him, the water from the flowers sprinkling on him a little, the beautiful flowers laying on the ground among the thousand tiny fragments of glass.
“Hey!” Namjoon yelps.
“Why would you do this to me?” your voice comes out in a whisper.
“I didn’t do it on purpose Y/N, I`m sorry.” He tries to take a step close to you but you back away.
“Sorry? A tiny little bone has called me incompetent Namjoon! Do you even know how hard I worked for this night? And you!” the storm inside you was finally breaking free, Namjoon standing with his eyes low, he knew he messed up but it was not on purpose, why would he do such a thing to you? You didn’t deserve it.
“You ruined everything, my dream, a major career step, you ruined it all for me.” Your energy levels back to your feet as you mumble, tears running down your cheeks like a stream.
“I`m so sorry Y/N, Please…” Namjoon`s voice shakes.
“I don’t want to listen to anything Namjoon but please never ever talk to me again, we don’t exist for each other anymore.” You wipe your tears and storm past him, leaving the poor boy disheveled and absolutely distraught. It was a huge deal for you and Namjoon knew that by now, he felt terrible that you almost lost your job and promotion because of him because he offered to help you and he had no other intention, he was careful too but he can`t understand how the bone got left in the fish.
This was the start of your distaste for Namjoon, you couldn’t care less about whether he did it on purpose or not, the point was he did it, you trusted him with your special night and he shredded that trust into pieces, maybe you were being immature but you don’t care because he was not the one who worked extra hours and weekends to add to your credit while he was out with the rest drinking the night away, he didn’t have a little sister who wanted money to go to college, your promotion meant a bonus and a pay raise and he took it from you.
……………………….
Everything was going well, the heads had already ordered, everything was in order and on schedule.
“Chef, Mr. Min`s girlfriend ordered something we don’t have on our menu tonight, sea food special.” The waiter comes in looking a little worried. “And some others would also like to try it, she is a fan of our sea food specials.” He completes.
“Y/n, Namjoon, get on it ASAP!” you hear Jin yell out and you stride towards the little note that hung on the counter, snatching it you see “Tasmanian salmon fillet with dutch carrot puree.”
“This bitch, how hard is it choose from a menu you already have?” you mutter as Namjoon appears next to you.
“Okay, let`s go, salmon, fillet cut, skin on.” You announce as you get carrots, ready to chop them off. The night went off with you and Namjoon preparing more Tasmanian salmon fillets and carrot puree than your actual menu, everyone fell in love with the light and refreshing dish, maybe that`s what the hot shots of the city needed after a busy week, something easy on the tummy as they wine and dine, complimenting the chef or in this case chefs. The night was a huge success, it was your major dinner night after the incident seven months ago and this one made you a star, the staff were really happy as they congratulated you two for saving the night, sea food specials are not prepared or even prepped for on the normal evenings so it was hard getting it ready on a very small notice and the staff were the people who witnessed you losing confidence in yourself that night and basically a mess, so watching you get back in your element was quite a sight for them. You all decided to celebrate the night in the staff room with peanuts and lots and lots of soju.
“We make a really good team, don’t you think?” Namjoon says, the dimple popping in his cheek.
“I wouldn’t say that, we just work well together.” You shrug, your mood so much better than it was in the morning.
“Um, isn’t that the same thing dumbo?” Namjoon chuckles and you roll your eyes, ready to turn away.
“Hey, is this any way of treating your lovely partner? Come on let`s drink.” He drags you over to the soju table, his force not even letting you speak. You watch him pour two shots, handing you one.
“TO US!” he shouts and you cringe.
“Come on say it, you know we saved the night, together.” He smirks and you deflate, he was right, you two did it together and you couldn’t deny the fact Namjoon was one of the best chefs you had the chance to work with.
“To us.” You clink your shot with his, a small smile on your face which puts a grin on Namjoon`s as he downs the shot, watching you do the same. In an hour, almost everyone is drunk out of their asses, thank god there was no work tomorrow or no one would be able to come with that kind of hangover. You were a little tipsy, so was Namjoon, he was trying to make a small talk with you all night to which you replied with equally awkward answers, at the end of conversation both of you ended up sitting against a wall.
“Y/N, you need a ride, I called an uber, isn’t your sister alone?” Jihyo slurs a little.
“No, I`m fine, she left for college yesterday remember?” you remind her and her mouth open in a shape of o as she remembers what you told her yesterday. Your little sister finally went to college, it took you and her to work overtime, you even worked an extra job to pay her admission fee but it was all worth it, she was happy and so were you, you helped her put her life on a track and you hope she gets the hang of it as she goes further. Jihyo nods and heads out with some others so you don’t have to worry about her getting home safe, Jungkook was not big drinker, he was sober.
“Be safe y`all.” You yell after them.
“We will, are you okay Y/N Noona?” you see Jungkook`s cute little head peaking through the door.
“Yes I`ll be fine Jungkook, thank you” you smile at him which he returns with equal warmth.
“This kid has the biggest crush on you.” Namjoon scoffs as soon as Jungkook head disappears.
“What? No.” you can`t help but correct him.
“Yes he does, why else does he look so troubled leaving you alone like that and to be honest it`s not even that, he`s just always on your tail like some duckling.” He laughs lazily, definitely a little tipsy.
“That`s because he`s my junior and right now he saw me with you, we don’t exactly…hang out…you know.” You try to put it out for him in the nicest way possible and you think you succeeded.
“Hm could be, but darling trust me I know how men work.” He leans in a little closer, hot breath brushing against your clothed shoulder and the skin of neck, you are affected by it, your breathing picking up and you blame the soju.
“Yeah maybe but he`s not like that, he`s a nice kid, nothing like men.” You say the last line eyeing him up and down.
“Why, you`re a pretty lady, I would love to look at you a certain way, hey! In my defense I have eyes.” He smirks, his dragon eyes looking coy, a stark contrast to his cocky demeanor right now.
“You`re talking too much tonight aren’t you Namjoon?” you chuckle. “Didn’t know you were a lightweight”
“You haven’t really gotten the chance to know me baby.” He whispers against your ear, plump lips almost touching the sensitive skin of your ear, your entire being lights up with goosebumps.
“And I`d like to keep it that way.” You manage to say that to his face without squeaking and you mentally high five yourself for that, this guy was definitely attractive and confident about it too, and in your defense just like he had said, you had eyes, it was impossible to say that you didn’t find him handsome, his tall, thick, well built frame was enough to send you in a frenzy and the amount of soju in your system was not helping at all.
“You have a sister?” he asks out of the blue, breaking you out of your daze, voice soft as compared to his usual gruff and deep one. He backs away resting his head on the wall you two were sitting against, his body still close enough to radiate its comforting warmth on yours.
“Yeah why?” you find yourself replying, there was no way you could’ve spent this much time with him sober, you kinda thank the soju.
“Nothing really, just asking.” He shrugs, so that`s what you meant when you yelled at him not understanding responsibilities seven months, honestly he`s not gonna lie he thought you were being a little over dramatic, it was a mistake, it can happen we all are human beings but now, Namjoon felt sorry for thinking that way, that night had to go well for you to get promoted, for you to take care of your sister. Now that she`s in college, he wonders, how you managed to do all of that by yourself? The sense of respect he was suddenly feeling towards you was strong enough to tackle you in a hug or beg for your forgiveness on his knees but he stays glued to the ground, head still against the wall.
“I`m sorry Y/N” he whispers so quiet you almost miss it.
“Huh?” you respond, the silence was comfortable enough to make you sleepy, Namjoon`s warm presence also helping.
“For what happened that night, I never did it on purpose, I…I made a mistake that cost you so much, you are an ambitious woman, this matters to you so much I can tell, you`re not an idiot like me working here just to prove a stupid point to my parents.” He turns towards you and you do the same, his head hanging low, knees brushing against yours.
“You know what? It`s okay.” you say with a smile, a huge stone that was weighing down on your heart all this time lifting up instantly, Namjoon`s eyes shoot up to meet your drunk ones.
“Oh god, this is not a good time, you`re smashed.” He looks at you like you were some alien.
“No, I hope not, I hear you loud and clear, yes you are an idiot and yes I forgive you, I...have been too hard on you Namjoon really, you offered to help me out of the goodness of your heart, that mistake was just meant to happen, it did and everything worked out just fine for me, I`m happy now and I don’t want hold a grudge, it`s tiring to be honest.” You pat his shoulder and his eyes widen as saucers at that, he couldn’t believe his ears, he didn’t picture this going too well for him really, he was waiting for everyone to leave tonight so that he can apologize to you properly, he had prepared himself, his ears and his ego to take your blows and insults like a champ and maybe some chairs thrown at him, he was ready for it all but what was happening right now, at this very moment was way out of the scope of his imagination. You actually listened to him, talked to him and most important of all forgave him.
“Are you sure you`re okay?” he asks, his huge hand landing on your forehead to check your temperature, you bat it away.
“What do you mean? Did you want me to flog you or something?” you laugh, head thrown back against the wall, Namjoon gulps at the way the thin silver chain shine on your smooth skin, he noticed it for the first time and he didn’t ever want to forget it.
“No but if that`s what you`re into, I can find a way around that, I don't judge.” He smirks, eyebrows cocked suggestively and you hit his chest with the back of your hand.
“Don’t make me regret forgiving you.” You roll your eyes and he laughs, voice a little squeaky from the rough liquid and salty peanuts.
“No but really, I`m sorry for making you feel like shit for helping me, you were trying to be nice and I just went off on you, it was stupid now that I think back about it. Everyone should be allowed to make mistakes you know, I`m dumb sometimes but I was scared, hope you understand.” You don’t look him in the eyes, hands playing with a stray peanut on the floor.
“I get it” he whispers. “Wow that`s a relief really! You are so cool and I didn’t want to keep fighting with you. Friends?” he grins, his cute dimples popping again as he extends his hand for you to take.
“I wouldn’t go that far, no.” you smirk.
“Okay fine” he rolls his eyes. “Decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each other on sight, especially this one.” He points at you, eyes squinting in mischief.
“Yes, that`s so much better.” You giggle, taking his soft hand in yours, his long fingers wrapped around the entirety of your smaller one, you gulp when he squeezes your hand in his hoping he doesn’t notice.
“Okay, I think I`ll head out now.” You tell him already getting ready to stand up.
“Want me to come with?” he asks softly, his hand still holding yours, thumb rubbing circles on the base of your thumb but you don’t pay it any mind.
“N-no, I don’t live that far away actually, I`ll be fine, thank you.” You smile, pulling your hand out of his soft yet firm grasp, your skin already missing the feeling.
“Oh okay, good night then.” Namjoon clears his throat as you stand up to get your coat and bag, you turn around to see him trying to lay down on the little bench, it was definitely not for getting comfortable and definitely not for him, his tall frame spilling out of the small space, he looked crumpled up on it.
“Namjoon, aren’t you going home?” you can`t help but ask.
“Uh no, it`s a long story but I`ve been crashing at my friend Yoongi`s house for a while now but his parents are visiting tonight and they`ll be spending the night so I have nowhere to go.” He sits up, eyes not meeting yours, you can tell he felt a little uncomfortable sharing this information with you so you decide not to push him further and just nod.
“Oh, but you can`t sleep here Namjoon, you`ll end up folded like an origami if you maintain that previous position.” You chuckle and he laughs, pearly whites on display.
“Yeah  but…” he shrugs.
“You can come to mine.” You blurt out and Namjoon chokes on his spit, controlling himself at once.
“If you want to of course, you just don’t seem comfortable here, I`m sorry if I…” you ramble and he laughs.
“Sweetheart you don’t have to be sorry for taking me back to your place.” He smirks and you feel your cheeks getting hot at his words.
“You know what forget it, you and your giant ass can sleep here.” You huff putting on your coat making Namjoon laugh on your cutely scrunched up nose.
“Hey hey Y/N wait” he rushes to you as you turn towards the door, a huge hand closing on your forearm, shooting beams of electricity through your entire arm, his hand felt warm even over the thick fabric of your coat and you sigh. “I was just joking, thank you so much for the offer and I would like to accept it, if you are really okay with it?” he says softly, the proximity of his voice indicating that he is just behind your back his face almost brushing against the softness of your hair.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.” You almost whisper and he smiles, of course you wouldn’t. The tough and bossy y/n why would you offer him such a thing without meaning it? He felt giddy at the thought of you caring for him and well... his back.
“Let me grab my duffel.” He gives both of your forearms a gentle squeeze that squeezes the breath out of you and hold onto the door for support, thankful that your face was not facing him, wherever this was going it screamed “Trouble” in all caps, red in color and the letters flashing. You walk out of the door not even after ten seconds, Namjoon strides to appear next to you.
“Do we have to take a cab or something?” Namjoon asks shoving his hands in his coat pocket.
“If you want to, but I always walk home, it’s not that far.” You look up at him.
“Okay, let`s walk.” He shrugs.
The walk comprised of Namjoon asking “How far?” and you mentally thanked the lord when you reached your door.
“Phew, I`m dead, can`t feel my legs.” He pants dramatically, hands on his knees as bends and you can`t believe your eyes, a six foot tall guy, well built too is unfit for a walk like this? Or maybe he`s just acting.
“Are you kidding me right now?” you laugh, still looking at him in disbelief.
“Was this your plan little lady?” he straightens up to his full height, the dramatic breathing came to a halt and a rather cocky expression adorning his beautiful face.
“Huh?” you blurt out finding your keys in your bag and opening the door, Namjoon behind you.
“Walk me all the way here and then murder me in your house?” he says casually and you laugh, the guy sure is funny or maybe he was serious.
“Yeah Namjoon cause I haven’t watched a single episode of criminal minds.” You snort and the corners of his mouth turn up.
“And I think I should be the scared one here, you can easily yeet me to another dimension.” Your eyes narrow as you shrug off your coat. “Or are you telling me that you can`t handle a little lady like myself?” you smirk, eyes not leaving his. You were never the one for intense eye contact, it made your skin crawl but Namjoon`s eyes were so mesmerizing, you couldn’t look away even when your soul caught fire every time you met his eyes.
“Oh I can handle you all you want alright.” he says, voice deeper than usual, eyes intense than his usual googly ones and your heart skips a beat or ten as you try to maintain your composure quietly.
“Sleep, you`re talking more non sense than usual.” You try to brush the sting between your legs coolly like you always do, pretending things don’t have an effect on you like a normal human being. Your brows furrow when you see walk towards the couch in your living room.
“Namjoon, if I wanted you to sleep on a something like my couch, I would’ve left you back at the hotel.” You pinch the bridge of your nose.
“Want me in your bed already sweets? How about we save that for the second date?” Namjoon looks so proud of his little joke, you can`t help the way your stomach erupts in butterflies, the corners of your mouth turning upwards, having a mind of their own.
“No hotshot, you can sleep in my sister`s room, it`s all empty anyways but there`s a bed and that`s what matters.” You point to the door behind you, not sure how long can you last under his drunk gaze, you were not drunk and he was not as well, you could tell but why was he flirting with you? Or were you getting ahead of yourself? The know it all, cocky, almost assholish Kim Namjoon can`t be flirting with you.
“Of course, a good bed does matter.” He snorts, long fingers come up to brush against his chin delicately almost in an attempt to control his bubbling laughter.
“Seriously how old are you?” you rub your eyes with the heels of your palms, the rub satisfying but it was mostly to hide your blushing face.
“Old enough to make you…” Namjoon starts as you point a finger in his direction making him stop instantly.
“I dare you to complete that sentence Kim Namjoon and then watch me as I throw water on you and then kick you out of my house to freeze your ass on the streets, where you belong by the way, absolutely filthy, what happened to you?” you scrunch your face up in disgust pretending to be disgusted by his forwardness tonight but every atom of your being was on fire just from his careless words and how he delivered them.
“And you were never so judgy, what happened to you?” he pouts and you feel yourself melt, maybe you were drunk cause why else would want to squish Namjoon`s cheeks together right now. You were definitely drunk but the thing is…you were not.
“You don’t know me Joonie.” You sing song as you turn towards your room, realizing the slip of your tongue as you walk, joonie something almost everyone in the staff call him, you squeeze your eyes shut hoping he doesn’t point it out and tease you about it for the half an hour and punch the air mentally when he doesn’t, maybe he`s too sleepy to respond, he was not, you calling him joonie made his heart do a cartwheel, he was glued to the ground, heart beating fast and an unusual fondness took over his senses for the pet name he never really cared for, it sounded special in your voice, your soft and magical voice. He wants to hear it again in more than one ways and he was almost scared admitting that to himself.
………………………………..
You wake up with a light headache, nothing draining just a light pang and you were thankful for it. The weather outside looking gloomy, it`ll rain probably.You head to the kitchen to get something to feed your growling stomach as well as a much needed painkiller before this pang escalates into something horrible. You jump when you see hear some shuffling in the kitchen, mind at ease when you remember the events of last night and how Namjoon ended up at your place, after admitting that you don’t want to hold any grudge against him when all he did was to help you was life changing to the point that even your sober mind didn’t mind Namjoon`s presence in your house.
“Good morning.” You mumble, all your movements coming to a halt when you see Namjoon stuffing frosted cereal into his mouth, his cheeks full, eyes wide as he stops mid munch.
“Good morning” he says with his mouth full, crunching down on the crunchy sweetness rapidly to swallow.
“Just needed uh…something sweet.” He scratches the back of his neck.
“Oh it`s fine, I`m not going to kick you out to starve Namjoon, help yourself with anything, want coffee?” you walk over to your trusty coffee machine, turning to ask him if he wants some.
“Uh yeah sure.” He replies softly, god his morning voice almost wasn’t comprehensible because of how deep it was making you clutch the mug in your hand until your knuckles turned white. You don’t know how the extra mugs got far up the top shelf, maybe it was your sister, she organized and basically cooked for the two of you at home. Namjoon watches you struggle on your tip toes, your face concentrated in the most cute way, the long shorts blessing his eyes with the smoothness of your legs, he looks away, gulping and not wanting to come off as a creep.
“Let me get it.” He announces.
“No…I…almost got.” Your breath hitches when you feel Namjoon`s hard chest press into your back for a brief moment, his hand brushing over yours that was desperately trying to reach the top shelf, you recoil your hand at the contact and watch him place the mug on the counter in front of you. You expect him to move but he doesn’t, standing so close to you, you can feel the heat radiating from his chest seeping into your back.
“What shampoo do you use?” he husks behind you and you flinch at how close his voice is to your ear, hot puffs of air indicating he leaned down to your height. You hear him inhale and you swear you heart strings were being pulled by the drag of his nose.
“It`s a…um dollar store shampoo.” You manage to squeak, your voice coming out nothing like you wanted it to.
“What flavor?” you don’t miss the way he pushes you a little further against the counter, the movement so delicate you almost miss it because of how overwhelmed you are at the idea of being pressed against your kitchen counter by this hunk of a man.
“P-peonies.” Your voice almost sounds like a whine and you want to drown right here right now. He chuckles, a deep and thick sound that vibrates in his chest and you feel the effects of it on your back.
“Of course, pretty scent on a pretty little lady.” He takes another whiff of your hair and then backs away, going back to his stool like he didn’t just almost squish the life out of you. You hate how you are so affected by this like a teenager who first held hands with a boy or stood close to one for the first time.
“You can take one if you like it so much, it was a gift pack and you are making yourself at home anyways so a shampoo bottle is no big deal.” You manage to speak without your voice cracking, trying desperately to let him know what a badass you are but you are so sure he sees right through you with those gorgeous dragon eyes.
“Nah, I like it better on you, I`ll make sure to smell you often though.” He says with a straight face, hands going in to the cereal box again and you can`t help but let out a wild laugh, the sound so soothing to Namjoon`s ears, his eyes crinkle at the sight of you folding in a laughing fit.
“That sounded weird right?” he mumbles, mouth stuffed with cereal again.
“A little.” Your face was burning partially from the laugh and a lot from his actions. When did the two of you get to the point of making jokes in your kitchen?  “But don’t worry, I`m sure you`ll say something to top it, this will not go down as the weirdest thing you`ve ever said.” You giggle, shaking your head as you turn again to make coffee.
“I hope you`re not right.” He laughs as the thunder rumbles making you jump with a yelp, your feet padding towards him in a hurry, eyes blown out.
“Hey hey, it`s okay sweetheart, it`s just some angry clouds.” His hand comes up to rub your back as you stand next to him, hands curled into fists on your chest, your wild heart calming down because of his soothing rubs on your back.
“I don’t like it when clouds are angry.” You whimper when the lightning flashes again, growling in anger from the sky.
“But we don’t care if they`re angry, we don’t give a damn, we`re just gonna watch a movie and let them be angry, we don’t give a fuck.” Namjoon coos, his warm hands easing the tension in your back.
“We don’t?” you are on the verge of tears at this point, another loud rumble makes you jump.
“Not a single fuck given, we don’t care, say it with me.” He makes you face him.
“We don’t…care.” You whisper, eyes shut.
“Good, good, we don’t care.” He repeats in hopes for you to do the same, motioning his free hand up and down on his chest telling you to breath in and out with him.
“We don`t care.” You breath with the movement of his hand, you were in a really good state right now, usually it was you crying in your sister`s lap or crying yourself to sleep during thunderstorms but this was nice, you didn’t cry, not a single tear. You felt safe for some reason. This huge teddy bear of a man providing you all the comfort you need at your vulnerable state. A part of you expected him to laugh at you about it, telling you how ridiculous it is for a grown woman to be scared of lightening like most people think but he proved you wrong with how well he handled this situation.
“Wanna watch a movie hm?” he dips his head low to look at you in the eyes, you nod timidly.
You two walk towards the living room, you watch him turn on the tv.
“Pick something.” He flashes you a dimpled smile and you take the remote from his hand, your hands tremble when you watch him go away from you.
“You…y-ou are not leaving right? It`s…raining a-anyways.” Your nerves heighten making you stutter, you feel the hair on the back of your stand.
“You are not getting rid of me anytime soon doll, I`m just getting a blanket, there`s one in your sister`s room.” He smiles so warmly, you feel your heart growing at the new pet name but decide to act as if it didn’t bother you, the cocky Namjoon was gone and in his place he left this angelic teddy bear, you just wanted to cuddle him so bad but that would be weird, he`d definitely be weirded out. You see him coming back with the baby blue blanket, he opens it up, covering you with it first.
“Thank you.” You smile, which he returns with a dazzling one of his own, the dimples catching your eyes more today, you wanted to poke them every time he spoke, just softly run your finger on the beautiful dent. You didn’t know all it took was just telling him that you don’t really blame him for what happened that night, was he always like this? And you were the cocky bitch? The assholish one? Everyone loves Namjoon so maybe it was you who had a stick up her ass around him, to be honest, he always tried to make small talk with you but you dismissed him every time and rather rudely but you were thankful for last night, who knew handling things like grownups can have its perks. You were experiencing one of those said perks in the form of being able to get to know Namjoon.
“You wanna watch something special?” he asks you.
“No, anything is fine.” Your voice was back, heart a lot better.
“Brooklyn nine nine?” he asks and your ears perk up. Your absolute favorite show. He notices the spark in your eyes at his suggestion.
“I`m guessing you like it.” He chuckles as his hands work on the remote to put on the show.
“I love it Namjoon!” you squeal, his eyes travel back to yours, a fond smile adorning his beautiful full lips as he watches you smile. Even though it was raining outside, he felt as if the sun was rising right in front of his eyes. You were so beautiful; he was feeling so lucky almost privileged to be able to spend time with you like this, considering your only friend was Jihyo at work. You two watch almost the whole season, laughing throughout, you were so glad Namjoon chose this show; it never failed to make you laugh. Namjoon notices the way the blanket keeps slipping off of you because you offered him a big part of it, him being three times bigger, it is not very benefitting for you, even he laughs a little, the blanket slips from you, you don’t notice of course, he can tell you don`t pay it mind so that it doesn’t make him uncomfortable.
“You know they call me the serial cuddler.” His eyes are lazy when he looks over at you, your cheeks flushed from how much you are laughing.
“I`m sure no one calls you that joon.” You giggle, biting your tongue as you press your lips together, calling him joon or joonie felt so intimate and you don’t want to scare him. What you had going on was so precious for this. Namjoon`s heart skips a beat again, he feels heat creeping up to his chest at your soft voice calling him joon, he pushes the thoughts of how different tones and notes would sound when you`ll sing this nick name? he has to physically shake his head to clear his mind of this horny daze, but he can`t help it, he`s been eyeing you ever since he started working with you eight months ago. You were just like you are right now to him for a whole month, nice and friendly, in fact you were his guide to the hotel kitchen and grounds as well, he had a really good time that day until he messed up, the mistake costing him your blooming friendship and maybe the mother of his children. He really liked how feisty you are at work, you take no shit and a brilliant chef, the night he saw you crying, he couldn’t sleep for a whole week. He felt guilty of making someone so strong break down in front of him. You looked so distraught it made his heart ache and this right here, right now, was the moment he wanted to have with you since the day he layed his eyes on you. It was hard to break your walls, the bone incident acting like a permanent adhesive on these walls, but he was happy he was able to break some of them, he was already seeing the dazzling sunlight beam through that was your smile.
“Why don’t you find out? I don’t like to blow my own trumpet.” He rolls his eyes dramatically, arms wide open.
“Really? Cause I`m a sucker for cuddles and if I cuddle you I will for sure turn into a leech that you 100% can`t shake off.” You warn him, your eyes narrowed.
“I don’t think I`d want to shake this pretty leech of me, I like small and cute things.” He smirks, eyes mischievous again.
“Should I be offended at the fact you called me a leech and small?” you roll your eyes.
“I didn’t call you a leech to be fair, you did, two, you are small and I`m not talking it back, three, I also called you cute but of course you don’t notice that.” He raises his eyebrows at you and you look down at your hands.
“Still, you called me a leech and small.” You mumble and he chuckles.
“My arms are numb here darling.” He huffs a small laugh and your eyes shoot up to him, not even realizing he had his arms spread out, open for you to cuddle him. You rush towards his side before stopping.
“Is this…okay?” you hesitate, your hand hovering near his abdomen, ready to snake its way for a good cuddle, or just support your weight on his side.
“Yup, I`m fine if you are.” He shrugs coolly and you realize how stupid you must have sound, two adults can cuddle without making a big deal out of it right, there`s no need to read between the lines here missy, you remind yourself. You slither close to him like some moody house cat desperate for attention but would never ask for it. You cheek is pressed against his hard yet soft chest and you melt instantly at the warmth, he taps your shoulder with his hand, testing waters before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, an action so intimate yet so harmless, his thumb occasionally rubbing on the round of your shoulder and you mentally praise yourself for wearing a shirt that covers the skin of your shoulder. You feel the vibrations from his chest every time he laughs on a joke some character makes on the show, the thunder rumbles after a long time and a small sound slip pass your lips.
“Sssh, it`s okay.” he whispers, lips ghosting your temple as he rubs your shoulder. You can`t pin point the time you fell asleep, the thunder no longer making scared shitless.
…………………………………….
You wake up with Namjoon`s phone ringing, sitting up as you rub your eyes.
“Oh shit, sorry to wake you up.” Namjoon clenches his teeth.
“Oh no it`s fine, I`ve slept well, you should straighten up as well.” You yawn, it was perfect nap, dare you say the best one you think you ever had. Your ex was not a big cuddler, he would always wake you up because his arm was asleep. Wait? Why are you comparing Namjoon to your ex? You just realized one thing, a day off is not for you. Your gutter of a brain needs to be occupied with work 24/7 in order for you to stay sane.
“Uh yeah okay, hm, yeah yeah no problem man.” You hear Namjoon say in the kitchen, you throw your head back; it shoots up when you hear Namjoon plopping down on the couch next to you.
“Everything alright?” you ask when you see His eyebrows furrowed together.
“Yeah…no actually, Yoongi`s parents decided to stay longer, so…I have nowhere to go.” He looks down at his hands.
“It`s okay, you can stay here and when his parents go back, you can go back too.” You tell him casually.
“No y/n, I can`t thank you enough for your offer last night, but I really don’t want to be a trouble.” He raises his hands shaking them furiously, his ears turning a shade of light pink.
“Trouble? That you are whether you try or not” you tease and he pouts.
“And I thought we were friends now.” His pout deepens and you giggle.
“Uh uh not friends, what was it again?” you try to remember what he had said last night in the staff room.
. “Decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each other on sight?” he plays like a tape recorder.
“Yes that`s the one.” You grin, a smile breaking on his nervous face.
“I have a spare room Namjoon, I`m okay with it if you are.” You don’t know why you shove his shoulder with yours but you do, he holds your hand instead, squeezing it in his.
“Thank you so much y/n, you`re a life saver.” He thumb rubs your palm, the sensation numbing your entire hand.
“Hey what are decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each on sight for?” you giggle, a nervous sound but you are relieved when he laughs with you. “Yeah” he grins, dimples popping deep into his soft cheeks.
………………………………………
It`s been a week since Namjoon “Moved in” with you, you say this because Yoongi`s parents left after three days but that didn’t stop Namjoon from coming back with you to your house for a movie, he even made you dinner telling you that as a chef he cannot let you indulge in junk, he`ll make you a homemade dinner to which you were utterly and completely thankful, he really did have a gift for cooking and you were lucky to have experience his cooking first hand, especially when he cooks, brows furrowed together, biceps bulging from the half sleeves of his tee shirt, you feel hot even after a shower when he`s around, your heart never seems to catch a break, he was growing on you in the best way possible, his subtle flirting and suggestive puns were making you giggle instead of angry and you knew it was not gonna end well, someone like Namjoon deserves someone like him, you were not gonna try and deny that, he was smart, outgoing, life of the party, smooth talker and just gorgeous all around, you on the other hand were nothing like him, you were awkward, not very smart cue the bone incident you were scared but there was no need to lash out on someone who meant nothing but good with their intentions, a close book, people were never your thing jihyo was probably your only friend and she too has hardly been in your house, you don’t really understand why he was so nice to you and every time he brought you coffee at work and made you dinner, you can`t help but feel the pang of guilt poke your heart, you can`t help but feel what a big bitch you are for treating him this way.
“Y/N, are you listening?” Namjoon`s mellow voice jerks you out to the real world.
“Uh yes yes.” You look at him and then back to your plate, tonight`s dinner: shrimp alfredo still untouched, the shrimp pieces gathered in one place, you did it while in your little trance.
“I said I can whip up something else for you if you don’t feel the alfredo tonight.” He repeats what he had said and you missed.
“Oh no no, I love it, thank you so much joonie.” You shove a fork full inside your mouth, as usual it was bussin, you don’t know what else to say, the taste melting in your mouth effortlessly.
“I love it when you call me joonie.” He looks down in his plate.
“Everyone calls you joonie, joonie.” You gulp down some wine.
“Yes, but I love it when you call me that.” He challenges, this time eyes not leaving yours as he sips on his wine.
“Noted.” You raise you glass to him and he clinks it with soft smile.
“Can I crash here?” he asks after a few moments.
“Why do you even ask now?” you chuckle.
“Oh shut up, you love me.” He smirks, pouring some more wine in your glass.
I do, that`s what you wanted to say, you don’t even if it`s true but one thing was for sure, you loved when he stayed over, you loved every second you got to spend with him and you were thankful you never had to work an excuse to make him stay, he did it all by himself, making you punching the air in your room when you realize he`s snoring loudly in the room next to yours.
“I hate you, absolutely loathe you.” The corners of your mouth turning upwards let him know that it’s far from the truth, Namjoon will not test his luck and say you loved him but one thing was for sure, the wall you were hiding behind from him, he had managed to bulldoze through it, ready to leap on your tender heart.
“Oh honey, but I love you.” He winks at you, and you can`t help but squeeze your thighs together under the table, his words sending pulses to your heart and his wink sending heat to your core, you were in trouble, big trouble for sure.
“So is your house being my renovated or something or do you love me and Yoongi a little too much?” you chuckle taking a swig of the red and sweet liquid but your smile drops when you see your question swiped Namjoon`s dazzling one off his face.
“My father gave me my apartment on my birthday.” He whispers, wine swirling in his glass.
“I don’t want to live in it, I can`t…” he looks so sad all of a sudden, his cute dimples nowhere in sight.
“Namjoon, you don’t have to tell me anything, I love when you stay over, please don’t misunderstand, sorry I asked.” You reach for his hand, your fingers closing around his, your thumb rubbing over the backs of his four fingers.
“I know buttercup, but I want someone to listen to me, can you listen to me please, I can`t hold it all in anymore.” He pleads, his hand was turning cold, his eyes were glassy, you could tell whatever the situation was, it was eating at his heart. You feel hurt at the sight of him getting hurt, you lace your fingers with his.
“Of course I`ll listen joon.” You squeeze his hand and feel him visibly relax.
“You want to get more comfortable for this? Cuddle maybe Mr. serial cuddler?” you ask him softly, your soft voice was honey dripping down his ears and senses.
“Mhmm.” He nods sniffling, he looks so cute right now you stop yourself from cooing out loud.
“Wait for me in the living room, I`ll put these out and make your favorite chamomile tea, it`ll make you feel better.” You rub the round of his shoulder and he nods with a little smile, his feet drag him to the living room, you pop the dishes into the dishwasher while the kettle boils for the tea, you walk to the living room, two mugs of tea in your hand.
“Here you go” you hand him his mug, a green one with a frog on it, it has been his mug for the past two weeks.
“Thank you.” He croaks.
“Okay, I`m all ears, give it to me.” You plop down next to him, he smiles at you, thank god you don’t go another ten  minutes without seeing these gorgeous dents in his cheeks or else you would yank out your hair. You find yourself smiling at him smiling.
“Okay, so my parents and I are not on good terms, especially my dad, my mom sometimes meet me in the coffee shop I like, I can`t say no to her.” He smiles at the thought of his mother.
“Why, what happened?” you ask, suddenly remember when he had told you that he worked at the hotel to prove a point to his parents.
“My dad is the owner of Kim Industries and groups, he wants me to work for him, for the family business and I have nothing against him or his work, its just not my thing, I don’t vibe with that work y/n, I like cooking, I like peeling potatoes and skinning chickens and marinating meat, cry when I cut onions, I like when I smell like all kind of spices when I leave the kitchen, I love my work, so I left when he told me to choose between my “Stupid job” and him, I left, I left without even saying goodbye like an asshole, left the apartment he gifted me on my birthday as well.” He looks at you when he finishes, a deep sigh letting you know that he feels good after letting it all out, you hope he feels light after his rant.
“And do you feel happy after leaving him? Are you satisfied?” you ask him, voice soft as ever as you hold his hand in your lap, the palm warm because he was previously holding the tea mug in it. He thinks for a few seconds about it.
“No, I feel terrible, I hate it, I love my parents I hate myself for doing this to them, I have them intact in the back of my mind each and every second.” His voice cracks and so does your heart. The smiley, funny, dorky Kim Namjoon was being vulnerable for once and you didn’t know how to handle that.
“Then talk to them, I know it’s what everyone says but joon that`s the only way really, confrontation, telling them how much your work, your hobby means to you, tell them you`re not playing around and I promise you they`ll understand, you dad will understand, you`re his son, his blood and blood is thicker than his business or his wish to have you working for his business. He`s a father , he just wants the best for you Namjoon, the least you can do is to talk to him, tell him you love him and that you will truly be happy if you worked as a chef rather than a businessman, maybe you won`t be as successful as him but you`ll be happy and you`ll have no one to blame for your grumpiness when you are old.” His eyes don’t leave yours, a tear streams down his cheek and you wipe it away with your thumb and in the next second you are squished back into the couch, Namjoon tackling you like a big puppy.
“Thank you so much y/n, thank you thank you.” He mumbles against your neck, squeezing the life out of you in the process. You feel something wet on your neck, he was crying.
“Sshhh, it`s okay, you`ll make it right, right?” you rub his back and he nods into your neck sniffling. He shifts to get more comfortable taking you with him, his face buried in your neck, the beating of your heart and your soft hands on his back lull him to sleep, you don’t wake him up, your arm is all needles and pins but you don’t move, he looks so peaceful to disturb.
…………………………………………….
Namjoon promised you Indian food tonight, despite you telling him that the intense spices will leave the whole house smelling like them for weeks, he insisted on having Indian food tonight, you gave in of course, you liked Indian food and…him, but where was he? Both your shifts were coming to an end as you were wiping down your shelves and counters. You look over to Namjoon`s station, so used to him being there blowing you a kiss or passing a wink your way when he caught you staring at him but nothing today, he was not there in the past hour and you are bitter about it not sure why but you are not feeling your best right now.
“Hey mark, have you seen Namjoon?” you ask mark, he`s a waiter and he just came in, you hope maybe he`s seen him outside the kitchen.
“Uh yeah, I just saw him get in a Mercedes with a hot chick, really nice legs by the way, I know that because I see hundreds of pairs of legs every day.”  Mark flaunts his chatty nature and you regret asking him in the first place.
“Okay, thank you mark.” You force a smile in hopes of shooing him away, he does go away, but the bitter feeling in your stomach rises up to your mouth. A hot chick with nice legs? Why do you feel so sad about this? She could be a friend right? Are they out for dinner? But you were gonna cook Indian dinner tonight right? You don’t feel good, sick is the word you would use right now.
“I`m heading out jihyo.” You grab your bag, not even bothering to change in the staff room.
“Hey noona, want to go out for drinks with me and…jihyo noona?” Jungkook adds quickly scratching the back of his neck.
“No kookie, I already feel sick right now, drinks is not a good idea, thank you though.” You smile at him and he nods quickly.
“Okay no problem, take care, drink some green tea, it helps me with when I`m sick.” He suggests sweetly making you smile at him more.
“Okay, I will.” You tell him, not sure how to tell him that this sickness is not going to go away with any tea or medicine, it was sickness that can be cured with a person, specifically Namjoon.
The more you walk towards your house and the more you think about Namjoon and his possible date tonight, the more you find yourself being the stupid one. Namjoon was not yours, there was no stamp on him that said “Return to y/n”, he was a free man, he could do whatever he wanted to, he was nice to you, slept in your house for a few weeks and suddenly you have the audacity to think he`s your husband or something, of course he ditched your shitty couch and your sister`s creaking bed when he had the chance to, of course he`s gonna wine and dine in some expensive restaurant rather than pigging out on Indian food he has to prepare with you bossing him around, of course he left in a Mercedes with a hot chick instead of coming back to you who smells like soap and fish right now and you make him walk to your house, of course, everything makes sense now, that`s just the life Namjoon has lived all his life and the life he is used to living, him being nice to you is nothing but him being nice and an angel of a man, you want to punch yourself in the throat for even thinking he might like you. You were never likable then what made you think any different now. You can never make people stay for just you then what made you think he would. Your heart was breaking at the realization, but there wasn’t a tear in your eyes because all of this was true. You were not anything special and honestly you`ve been okay with it, not everyone is special and you knew that what you didn’t know was that it would hurt like a bitch when Namjoon finds out you`re nothing special, and you think tonight he did find out.
You walk into your empty house, throwing the bag on the ground with a thud, your stomach churns, you were so excited to cook together with Namjoon that you didn’t eat anything properly, wanting to completely crazy on the spicy Indian food he`ll give you. You look around for something to eat, just ingredients no food. You grab a plum from your fruit bowl and take a bite that bite being a trigger for some sort for your tear ducts, tears streaming down your face like a waterfall as you ugly cry still holding the plum between your lips. You finish the plum with a good cry, your heart feeling washed of the bitter feeling but there`s still a pain in your heart. The door bell rings and you look up, who could it be at this hour? You sniffle, grabbing some tissue to dab your eyes and cheeks. You open the door to see Namjoon standing there with some grocery bags in his hands.
“You left early sweetpea, not cool, I had to get all the stuff for our dinner tonight, you`re peeling onions.” Namjoon fakes his annoyance as he walks past you with heavy bags in his hands, going straight for your kitchen. You look at him like he was a ghost, your own complexion drained of any color and you don’t whether it`s because of the extreme excitement to see him at your door or what you will tell him when he`ll see your swollen eyes. You don’t him to think you were jealous.
“Buttercup, I was joking you don’t need to chop onions, I know how much you hate…” he comes back to see you glued to the same spot.
“Why didn’t you change?” he asks softly and you gulp.
“Y/n were you crying?” he rushes to you, his hands holding your elbows.
“N-no, no” you try make your voice stronger but fail miserably.
“Yes, you were, your eyes are all red, your face is swollen.” He rubs your cheek.
“Hey!” you fake annoyance “thanks for telling me how bad I look.” You giggle, wanting to change the topic.
“Never, you never look bad, if anything you look cuter right now.” He chuckles, his hands rubbing your elbows through your uniform.
“Yeah yeah, good one after a great blow straight to my heart.” You joke trying to pull away from him. “I reek, I should go change.” You try to walk past him but he stops you, this time his hold a little tight on your elbows.
“Darling, I asked you why you were crying and I think you know me enough to know that I will not let you go until you tell me.” His words come out in a hushed whisper and you feel the shivers running down your legs.
“I was hungry and I thought you ditched me and I had no food to eat, I…I cry when I`m hungry.” You muster up your best lying face, technically it was not a lie, just not the whole truth. He laughs, a big hearty laugh that makes your heart smile.
“Aww you`re so cute.” He brushes away the strand of stray hair that stuck to your cheek. You huff trying to walk past him, but he holds you in place, he ducks down to your height, so that he looks into your red and swollen eyes better.
“And here I was getting ahead of myself, thinking you might be jealous, oh well a guy can dream right?” his eyes bore into your soul and you can`t maintain eye contact anymore.
“Jealous? Pff no way.” You nervously laugh.
“How do you know what I`m talking about?” he smirks and you feel glass shattering in your brain, you stupid hoe, what do you do this?
“I… I…” you can`t decide on words.
“She was my cousin, she`s visiting us for some days…with her husband.” He says, smiling when he sees your eyes shoot up to him not missing the little glow in them at his words, his eyes roam down to your lips watching you bite down on the lower one lightly.
“Oh” you laugh, a guttural laugh, mainly at your fast imagination and stupid brain.
“Right right…cool, you don’t have to explain, I`m not…” you ramble but it cuts off in the middle when you feel his lips pressed on yours, you turn into mush at once, Namjoon notices as he gathers you up in his arms pressing you into him, his lips were so soft and pillowy you were getting hooked on them for sure, you feel him lick your bottom lip asking for an entrance which you allow in a heartbeat, his tongue tastes like coffee and you`re afraid you might not like drinking coffee from a mug after this, it was too addicting, he breaks the kiss with a loud pop, leaving you panting with jelly legs, he chuckles when sees you drunkenly follow his lips, which earns you a quick peck on yours. You were disappointed to say the least.
“Go change and I`ll get started on the dinner, silly girl, you really thought I would ditch you, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He gives you one last sweet and loud peck on the cheek that has you scrunching your nose in pure happiness. You don’t say anything, the walk to your room felt like you were walking on the clouds, the foolish drunken grin not falling from your face.
“He kissed me?” you touch your lips with a smile in the shower, the hot water running down your body.
“He kissed me.” You squeal, careful not to slip in the shower.
………………………………………….
You two were walking home, crazy how you don’t see it as your home now, Namjoon just made a place for him in your heart and in your house alike, he barely went back to his place, even after he got his own place, he`s still found in your living room watching movies with you making you food and munching on your frosted cereals, you buy it for him now to be honest.
“I talked to my parents.” He stops to tell you. You look at him proudly. That takes a lot of courage, as children we all want to be the best kids possible for our parents, doing what they want so that they can see us worthy of something and telling them what you want and its something they don’t want for you takes guts.
“Really, oh my god joonie I`m so proud of you.” You pull him in a hug, squeezing him all you wanted making him giggle at your futile tries.
“It`s all because of you, you made me think about it, thank you y/n.” he holds you close, friends don’t hold friends this close to their face right? You didn’t wanted to be his friend, your thoughts were getting way too wild for him to be just your friend, friends don’t peck each other`s lips briefly before leaving for bed, so what were you exactly? You were not brave enough to ask him and ruin what you had.
“No, it`s all you, I`m so glad you finally decided to talk to them, how do you feel?” you smile up at him, brushing back the hair on his forehead, feeling him lean into your touch.
“Great, I feel so light and just… great!” he grins, dimples pop and now you have the privilege of poking them.
“I`m so happy to hear that, you deserve to feel great.” You poke at his dimples with both your index fingers and his smile widens.
“You know, If you like my dimples so much, you should be kind enough and get some for your children, I`ll be happy to volunteer.” He holds both of your hands, yanking you forward to crash into him with full force, chest to chest.
“What do you say dovey?” he places your hands in his hair, your fingers moving on muscle memory, playing with the smooth strands, he still doesn’t let go of your wrists.
“No, ew!” you giggle, hoping he doesn’t hear the heartbeat you`re hearing in your ears.
“Oh baby, but think about your kids, they`ll be the cutest with cute little dimples.” His eyes scan your features; you busy yours in his hair to avoid his intense yet loving gaze.
“Don’t threaten me with cute little dimples, I might say yes.” You joke.
“Please do.” He deadpans.
“You`re way too much Casanova, let`s go before we freeze out here, you break free of his grasp, he lets you otherwise you are in no way able to break free from him. Your face is on fire so you hike up the collar of your coat your face.
“You never told me how it went?” you walk past him, he walks next to you again.
“Dad listened to me y/n, he really listened for the first time in my life when I was pouring my heart out to him, mom was crying as usual, she thought I came to say goodbye forever, she`s emotional like that.” He laughs, you notice he`s too fond of his mother which makes him more cute to you for some reason.
“That`s amazing.” You smile at him and returns it.
“I invited them to come to our hotel for dinner tomorrow and Dad said yes!” he stops again to squeeze your forearms in excitement, his puffy jacket was making him look like a giant cuddly teddy bear.
“Oh my god  you idiot! You didn’t tell me the best part!” you whine, jumping up and down with him.
“You were too busy asking to be my children`s mom.” He says while jumping, this earns him a flick on the forehead.
“Ouch!” he winces, rubbing his forehead with a pout on his face. Your grin doesn’t falter. You were so happy for him, he looked so happy after seeing his parents and you were glad you were there to see it.
“I`m planning on serving them a full Korean meal, what do you think?” he asks you already excited and a little nervous for tomorrow night.
“I think you should let them order what they want, if it`s Korean food then be it, but I think they would just be excited to see their son in his zone, in his element you know, don’t worry.” You reassure him and he smiles at you like you`re a shooting star and he will miss it passing by if he blinks.
“Okay” he whispers.
………………………………………….
The night was here, Namjoon`s special night, his night to prove to his dad how much he loves his work.
“You wanna see them, they`re here” Namjoon grins at you once he came back into the kitchen, you nod. He takes your hand and leads you towards the door that connects the dining hall with the kitchen, he pushes you towards the door closing in on you from behind, his head hovering over your shoulder as he points over to something through the round glass window, your breath hitches when you turn to see him, bad idea, his face is too close that you lips almost touch, not that it would be the first time but still not the time.
“Third table from the left, my dad is wearing a black suit and my mom is wearing a navy blue dress.” He points with a grin, and you spot the couple not because of Namjoon`s description of them but because your eyes land on the lady in navy blue dress who looks a lot like Namjoon, they were twins almost, same lips, same smile and kind face.
“I see them.” You tell him softly and he pulls you back.
“I told you they`ll come.” You tell him softly.
“Yeah you did and honestly that`s the only reason I didn’t ball my eyes out, I really thought they were gonna ditch me.” He laughs, feeling relieved, the color that had left his cheeks coming back to its rightful place.
“They would never, they`re here aren’t they.” You glance back at the lovely couple.
“Yeah, let`s see what they order.” He claps excitedly and jogs to his station. You giggle at his enthusiasm.
The night well, too well actually, Namjoon`s parents were true Koreans, they ordered an array of Korean dishes and Namjoon made it with so much love and affection, the smile not faltering from his face as he chopped away the vegetables and stirred the sauces. He made you taste everything, your approval making his grin wider every time, after his parents get up to leave after dinner, Namjoon is nervous to meet them outside.
“Go joon, just go, see them off.” You push him, his huge and muscular frame not even moving from its place.
“I`m scared y/n.” he mumbles.
“Don’t be a baby Namjoon, go.” You try again, successful in pushing him towards the back entrance.
“You sure?” he asks, his hands cold when you hold them.
“Yes I am, now go before I kick your ass.” You give him one final push through the door, he`s outside, you give him a thumbs up. When he`s gone it`s your turn to feel nervous, it`s been ten minutes why isn’t he back? You think, chewing on your fingernail. You walk side to side, thinking what`s happening right now? Is his father happy? Angry? The door bursts open revealing a Namjoon with teary eyes, your heart falls to your feet.
“W-what happened?” you ask him in a rush. He smiles and tackles you in a hug, the force is immense and if he weren’t gluing you to his body right now, you were bound fall ass first on the ground.
“They were so happy y/n, my dad, he was so happy he almost cried.” He says into your neck and you feel your soul coming back into your body.
“Really!” you wrap your arms around him.
“Yeah, he said, “I`m happy for you son, I`m happy that you`re happy and that you have found something you`re good at.” He repeats his father`s words pulling away from you. You can`t help but feel emotional, tears welling up in your eyes at his words.
“He said he missed me.” Namjoon sniffles, his cheeks were stained with tears but he looked so happy and content.
“See, I told you he would understand.” You smile, tears getting squeezed out of your eyes.
“Yeah you did, you`re always right.” He holds you close to him, you two stay like this for a little while.
“Um, not to interrupt anything but we have a line of heads to feed and our two best chefs are making out by the back door.” You hear jihyo`s playful comment, jumping away from Namjoon.
“We were not making out.” You tell her quickly making Namjoon chuckle.
“Yeah, we were definitely not sucking face.” You look up to see Namjoon winking at jihyo.
“Yeah, got it” she makes finger guns at him with a wink and you punch Namjoon`s chest making him hiss.
……………………………………..
You walk towards your house with Namjoon, he said Yoongi invited him and his other friends for drinks tonight, boys` night out if you will.
“You can go Namjoon, I can walk home alone just fine.” You tell him for the tenth time.
“Nope, I`m walking you home.” He tells you for the tenth time, he has been a little gone in thoughts since you’ve left the hotel.
“Okay, don’t blame me if you get late and get your ass kicked by Yoongi.” You warn him, hoping he would get scared of Yoongi kicking his ass.
“I can handle butt stuff for you darling.” He says with a snort but it soon turns into a yelp when you kick his shin.
You stop in front of your house, turning to him.
“Now go, have fun, you deserve it tonight.” You smile at him, he says nothing instead goes in for a hug, his body completely hiding yours in a bear hug as he squeezes you tight.
“Thank you for everything.” He speaks into your hair.
“Yeah yeah.” You giggle rubbing his back, you gasp when he slaps your butt lightly.
“Don’t be too cocky ma`am.” He whispers hotly in your ear and you freeze, your hands stilling on his back.
“I…y/n sorry…I…that was…” he pulls back a little flustered, his eyes not meeting yours.
“No, no its fine, I mean its okay.” you rush, trying to diminish the embarrassment for the both of you.
“I should go.” He takes a step back with a nervous chuckle.
“Yes you should.” You tell him with an awkward smile.
“But I don’t want to.” He looks at you.
“I don’t want you to.” You say in a trance, eyes meeting his. He leaps towards you, lips clashing onto yours with a force, this kiss was nothing like the ones you shared with him previously, this one was needy, desperate, dirty and sloppy, this one was both of you trying to eat each other up, this one showed the pent up tension for the past weeks. His hands were everywhere on your body, yours pull him down by the collar of his coat, your neck craning up to drink him in completely, his tongue licks into your mouth like there was no tomorrow and all he had was this moment right here, you`re no better yourself, the sounds you make are embarrassing for just making out, clearly giving away your want and desperation for him, you mewl when he bites on your lip before pulling away.
“Want to go in precious?” he husks and you nod immediately, he smiles wiping his thumb on your kiss bitten lips, his look better you think, all red and cherried.
He pushes you against the door as soon as you close it behind you earning a gasp from you, which he swallows with his mouth gladly, his lips move to your cheeks, then to both of your eyes, his hands creeping down to the back of your thighs, picking you up in an instant, lips not leaving yours, you feel like exploding at this point, your lips are tingling in the bestest way possible and your pussy is clenching by the way his hard abdomen is pressing against it.
“My room or your room?” he asks against your lips, licking over them again as he waits for your response.
“Well, they`re both my rooms technically.” You don’t know why you say this, but you do, your nerves getting the best of you.
“Sassy, I`ve always loved it but I`ll make sure to fuck the sass out of you tonight doll.” He bites down on your chin with a growl making you squeal. You grin, already looking forward to it. He walks towards his room.
“No let`s go to mine, this bed creaks a lot.” You tell him as your lips work on his neck, sucking and nipping on the soft warm skin.
“All the more reason to fuck you in it sweetpea, I bet we wouldn’t even hear it creak over the sound of you screaming.” He squeezes your ass in his hand making you whine in his neck.
“Aw don’t go all shy on me now.” He lets out a dark laugh.
He places you gently on the bed, his long fingers already getting rid of the coat your were wearing, lips coming back on yours again, fingers unbuttoning the pink button down shirt you wore after the shower at work. Your fingers tremble over his coat and he takes the hint, breaking the kiss and getting rid of his coat and then his tee shirt, revealing the expanse of his firm chest and abs, the golden skin looked as if it is glazed in honey, you want to lick every inch of it,you can just do that tonight and be happy. He takes your trembling hand and puts it on his chest, moving it up and down.
“Touch it all you want, touch me.” He whispers against your lips and this time you close the distance between them getting on your knees on the bed, hands still rubbing his chest down to his torso. You feel him slide your shirt down your shoulders revealing a light pink tee shirt bra underneath it. The cold air was making the hair on your arms stand. Namjoon looks down at your chest with a gulp.
“Fuck, so pretty.” He marvels at the sight, you feel the blush creep up your chest to your ears.
“Can I touch them please?” he asks so politely, you can sacrifice your right arm if he asks you this nicely, touching your boobs was no problem.
“Yes.” You sigh. His hands are big on your chest, completely covering your mounds as he kneads them with so much care and adoration in his eyes.
“They are softer than I had imagined.” He coos, eyes on your breasts as if he`s talking to them. The confession that he thought about your boobs makes your head dizzy and face hot. His hands go back to the hook of your bra, unclasping it in a second, his eyes don’t leave your drunk and hooded ones as he slides the straps from your shoulders. He pushes you back to lay on the bed, opening your legs to settle between them, your nipples harden with every second, his plump lips go for your cheeks, down to your jaw then your neck, you crane it up to give him more room, moaning when he licks a strip on your collar bone. He laughs “I think I found your happy spot darling.” He sucks a purple mark on the delicate skin.
“Joon.” You sigh, fingers lost in his hair. He hums against your pulse, lips not stopping for a second as he makes his way down to kiss the tops of your breasts, sucking the fleshy part into his hot mouth, creating multiple little blossoms on the skin.
“You are a work of art honey, fuck.” He looks at you, his pupils blown, lips blood red.
“Namjoon, do something, p-please.” You whine, not knowing how else to ask him for him.
“I`ll take care of you baby doll, don’t you worry.” He sucks a nipple into his mouth, the hot suction making you see stars dancing behind your lids.
“Uhhh, ahh” you cry out, fingers still in his hair, yanking a little when he bites down on the sensitive bud. His lips move down to your belly, he licks and kisses there, your stomach producing a new batch of butterflies wherever he kisses. His fingers hook into the waist band of your jeans, sliding them down your legs. He glides down more, you sigh when you see him glide past your core, the only place you need his mouth, his attention on right now.
“I love your legs, sweetheart, do you know how many times I`ve gotten hard when you wear those tiny sleeping shorts around me, can`t even focus on the stupid movie you play for us, always just think about opening your legs and kiss on them, just like this.” He smooches you calves all the way up to your inner thighs, sucking marks into them, you lay there and take it with whines and cries of his name and begging for more. You lift your hips up in a hurry when you feel him hook his fingers into your underwear making him chuckle against your thigh, the hot puff of air making your pussy bloom. He tears the panties down your legs, spreading your legs wider, he caresses your inner thighs.
“Looks so delicious baby.” He winks before diving down, licking a bold stripe on your soaked slit. You mewl, your legs closing on instinct, his fingers digging into the flesh keeping them apart, even spreading them more. You feel his fingers making a “V” to spread your lips as he sucks on your sensitive bud sending shock waves to your entire being.
“Oh fuck Namjoon, yes.” You moan out, slowly grinding against his tongue.
“You like it baby?” he looks at you, smiling at the way you nod with your eyes closed and face fucked out already from just his tongue.
“Gotta do more of that then right baby?” he eases a finger into your dripping hole, thrusting it in and out.
“P-lease.” Your voice cracks and he dives back into your pussy, his nose pressed against your labia as his mouth sucks on your clit while his fingers fuck you so good, you almost drool. Your feet pressed on his back as he pulls you into his face more by your hips, your hands reach to scratch and hold onto the bed post, desperate for anything to hold to ease the overwhelming actions that were being unfold in front of your eyes.
“Ungghh, close close close.” You chant, hips jerking at the sensitivity.
“come in my mouth baby, on my tongue” Namjoon pauses to say and dives back in, fingers fucking you with a mission now, suction on your clit getting intense.
“Fuck, oh god joonie!” you cry out his name, lifting your neck up to see what he was doing, you moan shamelessly at the sight, Namjoon shirtless, sucking on your pussy, his fingers inside your hole, his dragon eyes looking up at you was the sight that sends you over the edge. The tug of war in your stomach ending with the rope snapping leaving you panting, you cry when you try to get away from him, he pins you down with a growl, a hand pinning you to the bed as you squeal and he makes you ride out your orgasm on his merciless tongue.
“You good lovebug?” he chuckles when he comes up to see you almost passed out.
“K-kiss me joon, please.” You voice is weak, he complies slotting his lips with yours, you moan when you taste the sweet tang of your essence on his lips, your thumb comes up wipes some off his chin.
“Wanna make you feel good too.” You break away from his lips with a new full tank of energy. You roll over him, he lets you move him with you until you`re on top, your hair fall down like a stream towards him and he`s in awe of what a goddess you Look like right now, your cheeks flushed, mouth red, your neck and breasts all covered in his marks. He smirks at how far gone you were to let him do that to you.
“What are you smirking at handsome?” you trail a finger down his chest, letting your nails scratch him soothingly.
“Nothing, just lucky to be here, lucky to see you like this, it feels like a dream.” He smiles softly, making your insides turn, he looks so good right now, there`s a purple mark from your lips just above his right collarbone, you trace it.
“Want me to show you how real it is?” you whisper kissing down his chest, sucking on the his nipple, he moans for the first time that night, a full on moan, you are already greedy for this sound to hit your ears again.
“I think I found your happy spot boo.” You repeat his words and he sighs, his fingers tangling in your hair, holding them up to have a better view of your face, he watches suck on his nipple, his head rolls back.
“Oh shit y/n, so good ah” he breaths when you suck and bite on his sensitive nerves.
“Lift up.” You tell him and he obliges lifting up his hips for you to drag down his pants along with his boxers, your eyes widen at the sight of cock, it was probably the biggest one you`ve ever seen in your life, your mouth waters at the sight and you feel your pussy quiver at the thought of taking him in. your take him in your hands, stroking slowly, the weeping tip acting as the lube to make the glide of your hand pleasurable for him.
“Ah, hahh, y/n baby.” His abs are tensed and his eyes are closed in ecstasy.
“Does it feel good baby?” you ask him, greedy for his approval as if his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and his furrowed eyebrows are not giving away how he feels.
“So good, so so good, you`re a-amazing.” He breathes and you grin, your hand speeding up on his cock, you lean forward to lick the tip making his hips jerk off the bed. You take the tip into your mouth, sucking on it like it’s the sweetest candy in the world, it really is.
“Oh fuck y/n fuck.” He moans your name in a way that makes your pussy clench around nothing, his voice always made you needy but today it was making you lose control over sanity. You slack your jaw to take more of him in and you feel him jerk up into your mouth, he stops mid jerk in fear of hurting you, you rub his thighs to encourage him to use you however he wants, he slowly fucks into your mouth, his hand wrapping your hair in a pony tail as he looks down at you.
“Who knew this smart mouth was this good at sucking dick.” He says through gritted teeth, you moan at his words, tears stinging your eyes as he eases into the part of your throat that is a little hard to get into.
“Remember all the time you ran your mouth at me, run your mouth on my cock baby, that`s all you`re good at.” You have found your kink right now because his words send a gush of wetness to your pussy, you feel the slick slide down your thighs, you growl in response on his cock, still not backing down, the vibrations making his eyes roll back into his head.
“Oh sweet girl, you`re so good to me ahh.” He slowly ruts into you. He fucks your mouth for a few minutes and then pulls you off his dick.
“Need to be inside you, you want that sugar plum?” he pecks your lips sweetly and you nod, your approval is all he needs to roll you over, your back hitting the mattress, you whine when you see him leave the bed looking down for his coat.
“Jihyo must be a psychic.” He wiggles a condom he pulls out from his pocket. You giggle. You watch him roll on the rubber on his perfect and rock hard cock. You want it inside you or in your mouth again.
“Hurry up.” You whine, your heartbeat picking up again.
“I`m right here precious.” He tackles you on the bed again, his hands pulling your legs apart, you wrap them around his waist and look down to see his hand leading the bulbous head to your sodden hole. You mewl at the breach, it already feels so right and it was just the head going in, he pushes more of him inside you cry at the sensation, throwing your head back, he takes the opportunity to suck on your throat in attempts of distracting you from the discomfort, he pushes one more time, grunting when he watches himself bottom out inside you, pelvises joined. Your mouth opens in silent scream.
“So full.” You marvel as he sucks on your collarbones. You feel so full, so full to the point you feel like you would feel empty without it from now on.
“Are you okay? want me to stop?” Namjoon looks a little worried at the way you can`t even open your eyes, your hands falling limp from his shoulders.
“I…it feels incredible joon…so good please don’t stop.” You open your eyes to meet his, he smiles kissing your lips, his hips coming to action, his movements slow and calculated, you mewl in his mouth.
“My baby, it`ll feel great after few moments.” He encourages with a smile and you nod tears swimming in your eyes. He ducks down to your neck, placing soft kisses there, your hands go back to his shoulders, legs tighten around his torso as he fucks into you, he was right, it felt amazing after few thrusts, your pussy fluttering to make space for his giant cock, slobbering it up for his thrusts to be more smooth.
“Oh ahh ahh ahh!” you hold him close to you as he fucks you slow but deep.
“Good girl, you`re doing so well for me.” He bites kisses down your breasts, kissing sloppily on the tops. His hands pin your wrists above your head as he picks up his pace making you a weeping mess.
“Be good, no crying little lady, can you be good for me?” he grunts as he jack hammers you into the mattress, the bed creaking at every thrust, bed post hitting the wall. You nod, wanting to be nothing but good for him.
“That`s it, been dreaming about making you cry on my cock since the day I saw you, but you had to ruin it by starting a fight with me didn’t you?” his thrusts are animalistic, your legs tremble on his waist but you keep them there, his hands are pinning your wrists above your head, cock splitting you in half.
“If you didn’t start that dumb little fight, we would’ve been fucking on our anniversary right now, not for the first time, you silly little girl.” His pace doesn’t slow down, your eyes roll back in pleasure, toes curling on his back.
“I…I`m sorry.” You squeak.
“Yeah, you should be, made me wait so long for you, for this creamy pussy, you should be sorry you dumb slut.” He pounds you into the mattress, biting his bottom lip at the way your bruised breasts bounce up and down with each thrust.
“Say it, say you`re a dumb slut.” His voice comes out breathy and deep as he pistons inside you.
“I`m…I`m a dumb slut.” You scream.
“That`s right, a dumb slut, who`s only good for taking this cock, a dumb slut with a good pussy.” He leans down to kiss you deep and messy.
“Yes yes.” You don’t even what you`re agreeing to.
“And you`re mine now, got it? I will never throw your sassy and bratty ass away, you`ll be mine forever understood?” he says against your lips.
“Yours, I`ll be yours joon, oh fuck I`ll be your slut.” You babble.
“My queen, my sweetheart.” He pecks your lips over and over again.
“Anything, want to be…yours ahhh fuck!” you cry against his lips as he releases your hands, moving his own to rub your clit.
“I`m gonna ohhh come.” You scream.
“I got you beautiful, do it, let go.” He encourages you, two of his fingers rubbing you. You come with a scream of his name, your legs falling limp but he holds them up, still thrusting inside you, it doesn’t take him long to chase his release as he falls on top of you.
“You good baby?” he asks, his voice coming out as puffs against your chest.
“mmh, perfect.” You reply making him chuckle.
He gets up to roll the condom off him, chucking it in the bin.
“So you`re mine now?” he asks with his eyes closed, his hand closing in on your breast.
“What no.” you bat his hand away, his eyes are wide as he looks at you.
“That`s not…what you…said moments ago.” He looks genuinely worried and you decide to tease him more about it.
“People say all kinds of stuff when they need to get an orgasm.” You shrug your shoulders trying not to laugh.
“Y/n I swear if this is a joke, cut it out before I cry.” His voice cracks and you laugh, unable to keep this going with him looking like a kicked puppy right now. He leaps to bury his face in your chest.
“Mean!” he groans.
“Aw” you coo, wincing when he pinches your hip.
“I have decided that I like you more when you are getting fucked, you`re way more understanding and cooperating that way.” He smirks at you.
“Keep this up and this might be the first and the only time I let you do this lover boy.” You yank his hair.
“I can bet my left eye I can make you go again right now.” He says before closing his lips on yours, you wrap your hands around his neck to pull him closer, you take his hand in yours to glide it towards your pussy making him smirk.
“Don`t.” you warn.
“I didn’t say a word my queen.” He winks, before sinking two fingers inside you.
890 notes · View notes
jkeuphoriadreamland · 5 months ago
Text
Deviant ⫸KNJ
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⫸pairing: Namjoon x reader featuring OT6
⫸genre: Yandere, smut, angst 18+ E
⫸w.c: 15.4 k
⫸summary: Jealousy can  be a powerful thing, and when Namjoon feels threatened by your behavior, he makes sure to  trap you in his web of seduction and charm--with nowhere left to go but deeper.
⫸warnings: Explicit, yandere, controlling, manipulation, aggression, dub-con sexual intercourse, rough touching, rough sex, pussy slapping, finger gagging, shaming, dirty talk, possessiveness, Namjoon finger fucks oc aggressively, masturbation, bleeding, dub-con taking of virginity, mentions of alcohol, jealousy, degradation, gaslighting, forced orgasms, obsessive behavior, stalking, panty sniffing, use of panties in a degrading manner, painful first time, ripping of clothes, impreg kink, belly bulge kink, car sex, sorta voyeurism, Namjoon spits his drink into ocs mouth because why not, praise kink, bruising, biting, oral, DOM!Namjoon, unprotected sex 
⫸a/n: Thanks to the amazing @chimoona​ for writing this with me. It was an honor! Go check out her content! It’s amazing! This fic goes out the my true mvp, the one that’s been there since I had about 300 followers or so, and who never left my side. She’s supported my content since day one and now I am honored to call her my friend. It seems fitting to close out with her as the recipient of my last fic @rmsbicycle​. Here’s one of the first posts I made about her. Thanks to her I stuck around. I love you <3.
🚨READ THE WARNINGS! THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!🚨
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He was sick of it. This was the fourth weekend in a row that you continued to strut around Jin’s house like you owned it. For weeks he pretended to ignore you, let things play out naturally until his time came, but the way you looked standing in front of Taehyung smacking him on the chest because of some lame joke he said had him feeling disgusted. Namjoon shifted in the seat he was sulking in. Jungkook was going on about some new game he’d been playing, but Namjoon’s eyes could focus on nothing but you.
“Oh, looks like I ran out of soju. I’ll be right back, bro.”
As Jungkook left, Namjoon let out a sigh of gratitude that the younger friend of the group had finally got the hint that he didn’t want to talk. Not waiting for him to come back, he stood up and marched up to Jin, his premeditated intentions unwavering.
“Why does she act like such a slut with the guys? Doesn’t that bother you, Jin? I know she’s been a friend of this group for a long while, even longer than me, but doesn’t it just seem a little weird?”
Jin chuckled and turned to look at you. Surrounded by Jimin, Taehyung, and Hobi, Jin could see what Namjoon meant. There was, however, no way he would ever call you a slut. He’s known you for a long time and your flirty nature was just part of who you were.
“She’s not a slut, Joon. She’s always been cute with us. We consider her our little sister.”
“What! I don’t recall little sisters wearing skirts that short.” Namjoon huffed and almost growled when he saw Taehyung run a hand over your leg. There was no way you weren’t doing something with all of them.
“Sounds to me like you’re jealous. She hasn’t given you the time of day since you joined our group. Why don’t you say hello instead of moping around here like a little boy in love.”
“Love?” Namjoon's eyes darkened at the assumption. “Far from it.”
Respect is often required in order to love someone, and that’s exactly how he had to play it in front of the others. In this room, around Jin, Namjoon hadn’t felt an ounce of respect for you since the second he set sights on your pathetic attempts to draw attention. He acted nonchalant with a casual lean to hide how this act affected him. Aside from keeping up appearances, it really did make him furious to see just how easily you got what you wanted. Meatheads like Taehyung and Hobi were too easy, blinded by testosterone. Only he could see your true colors.
“I’m not jealous either,” he added.
Jin smiled and nodded, clearly disregarding everything Namjoon said. “Talk to her then, if she’s so easy.” He couldn’t hide his amusement as it spread across his lips. “I bet you couldn’t get her to like you. No offense, but you’re kind of an asshole.”
Namjoon smiled back. “Thank you. None taken.”
You laughed from the other side of the room and trailed your polished nails down the front of Tae’s v-neck. The sharp tip of your digit hooked into the collar of his shirt and lingered for a second too long, like you were beckoning him to fuck you in plain sight. You didn’t need to say a word--he knew what your intentions were.
Namjoon waited until most of the guys left to piss or grab a refill from the kitchen. Only Tae remained, bewitched by your slutty wiles. Just seeing the confident expression on the idiot’s face made Namjoon want to rid him of it permanently. He needed a good reason to come interrupt this bullshit flirting session you had going on because it really wasn’t a good look on you. If there was anyone you should be focusing on, it was him.
“I need a drink. I’ll be over there if you need me. Oh, and by the way, I’ll have her laid out for me before the night is over.”
Jin lifts an eyebrow intrigued and nods before taking a long drink of his beer. “Best of luck to you. I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Namjoon waves off the cynical nuisance he’s had to pretend to be friends with just so he could get to what he wanted--you. Because of you, he subjected himself to lame gatherings and parties just so he could get in with your crowd. It infuriated him how you could be so obsessed with these men, how you just threw yourself at them night after night. For whatever reason, they never took things further with you. Your teasing would have made him mad were he the one you doted on, but sadly, he wasn’t. And here he was yet again, at another party, except now you were present too. He’d been patient, getting to know each of your six male friends--talking to them, going to events with them separately, building their trust enough for them to welcome him to their homes.
It was months of torture knowing you’d been in the house just hours or even days before he was. He’d come to learn your habits and forgetfulness just by visiting the guys. Purses, sweaters, and even your hair ties were forgotten on many occasions allowing Namjoon to build up a lovely collection of your personal items. His favorite items to date were the extra pair of underwear you had stored inside of your small bag. He wasn’t even sure why you would need that when you were simply coming to visit your friends, and of course his mind raced with countless scenarios. That day he took them for himself, remembering to leave things behind so that it didn’t seem too suspicious that all your items went missing. It took him a few weeks but he was able to figure out that you hadn’t slept with any of them. It made him feel better to know you weren't tainted, and so he kept the underwear safe and in his pocket--always. Whenever he got anxious, he’d put his hand inside his pocket and rub the material between the pads of his fingers. If only you knew how much you and he were meant to be.
Realizing he’d been staring for longer than was acceptable, he began to walk toward the table that held all the liquor and made to reach for a cup. His actions resulted in Tae spilling his drink everywhere, including down the front of your shirt.
“Hey! What the fuck. Watch it, Joon!”
“Oh shit. Maybe you oughta get some napkins for that. If Jin sees this mess he’ll have your ass.”
“Wow, Namjoon. I just bought this shirt,” you whine.
“You know me--clumsy.” Namjoon gestures with his hands up in the air and smiles revealing his dimples.
“Yeah, sure. I gotta wash this.”
“Let me help.”
“No, I got it.”
“Come on, ___. Let me. It was my fault after all.”
At this point Tae was returning with the paper towels and you were giving in to the soft look Namjoon was giving you. “Fine. Just….don’t touch anything.”
Like a sweet puppy he followed behind you. He hadn’t gotten close enough to see your entire outfit, but the way your ass bounced as you walked had him balling his fists. Why were you wearing a skirt anyway? You were such a whore, and he realized more than ever how much you really needed to be taught how to behave. It actually took him back to the first time he saw you, this very outfit similar to the one that caught his eye. At the time he didn’t know any of the guys, let alone of your existence, but when he saw you walking by, swaying your hips, practically begging for attention, he knew he had to have you.
He’d gone to university at the command of his parents and he never really fit into crowds very well. Since he could remember he struggled to make friends simply because he was smarter than all of them. One night he went to a party after being handed a flyer. The excitement he felt from being invited was immense and his emotions were through the roof when they actually opened the door and let him in. After a few drinks he leaned against the wall seeking stability and then he saw you. How long has it been? Three? Four years?
He’d never fallen in love at first sight before, but there was no mistake you were the one. He knew he couldn’t just approach you as he was. Being called a freak for most of his life wasn’t easy, and he had to change--for you. He learned the hard way that not everyone would appreciate his form of affection, so he observed others and learned. He quickly developed a sense of style and personality that had many women vying for his attention. He’d fucked around with a few wanting to make sure that when his time with you came, he’d be ready. And now here he was, walking into the laundry room, alone….with you.
“This isn’t that big of a deal.”
The silence of the room was interrupted by your musing, peeling your shirt over your head without any thought as to who was around. In this case, it was Namjoon, who tried his very best not to gawk with his jaw on the floor.
Without the others flocking around you like birds to prey, you had a bit of innocence. A delicate pink lace hugged the swell of your breasts and covered just enough to hold your modesty. It surprised him, as he assumed you'd worn nothing at all with the way your perky nipples showed through your clothing. He was wrong. Pleasantly wrong, but still deeply critical of the way you held yourself around other men.
You swiveled around and shamelessly exposed yourself in front of the newcomer, which was another strike against your record in his mind. Absolutely careless--starved for attention. At least it was him and not one of the others who got to see you in such a state, however, it solidified his theory. You’re an insatiable whore who needs to be put in her place.
Namjoon averted his eyes to show respect. He didn’t want to, and it took every ounce of restraint in his body, but he managed to do it. Gestures like this were crucial to gain your trust. He learned this after a night of experimenting in college, in which he endured head from an overconfident co-ed. She was all lip and no tongue, but he gritted through it and smiled. When she shied away from swallowing his cum, he looked away so she could spit it into a tissue swiftly and dab the slick from her lips. He was a true gentleman then, even when it pained him to be. She called him back the next day and wanted to grab coffee--a domestic outing that he only hoped to have with you one day, when you came to your senses.
“Of course it’s a big deal,” he tutted, busying his hands with the washer dials. “I ruined your pretty shirt.”
You scoffed. “Don’t be so dramatic, Joonie.” With a long stride, you stood beside him near the machines and began to run warm water over the fabric. “It isn’t ruined, see?”
Oh, he saw. But he saw more than just rivulets of water wicking away the bready scent of beer. Droplets had escaped the sink and stuck to your bare chest; some so thick and weighty that it slid down into the valley of your breasts. He dampened his lips, but quickly, so you weren’t put off by his unabashed lusting. He didn’t want you to get the wrong idea and treat him like one of your many other suitors. Already, you were throwing yourself at him like a fucking steak he desperately wanted to sink his teeth into.
“Looks like you don’t need my help after all. It’s already clean.”
You smiled and wrung out the damp shirt, then tossed it into the dryer to bounce out the wrinkles. You must have found his meek demeanor endearing, because you leaned against the machine and raised your eyebrows to continue the conversation.
“Don’t look too disappointed. You still have to wait with me while it dries.”
It was working. How easily your attitude changed when he simply showed disappointment in not being needed. Is that how you broke for those other guys? Did they show you the cracks in their hearts that made you bend to their will in any effort to mend them? Weak and predictable. He’ll play the part to get you to notice him, but the act stops once he makes you his.
“It’s nice having you alone like this,” Namjoon said with a bold smirk. “Rarely get the chance to hear your lovely voice when Taehyung is talking over it.”
“Hah.” You tried to hide it, but he noticed how the compliment brought a blush to the apples of your cheeks. “He does get pretty animated when he’s excited.”
“Which is all the time!--”
“--All the time!” You cut him off, finishing his sentence in unison.
You two laughed, and your hand slid over his unknowingly. He let you hold it there until you noticed, then pretended like it didn’t happen despite how flustered it made you. He would have loved to indulge in the moment and grab you back, but this had to be your idea. You had to want this--him--more than anything else. No one should be able to compete for your affection, and that level of commitment took time. He knew this better than anyone.
The game had just begun.
“Anyway, I really am sorry about your shirt. Maybe I can get you a gift certificate for coffee or something. I hope that’s enough to cover the damages.” Namjoon offers the bribe with a wink hoping you catch the bait.
“No, no! You don’t have to do that. The shirt is almost clean anyway. There’s no need to get me a gift certificate.”
“Hm..” Namjoon thrummed a few fingers against the tip of his chin. “Then perhaps dinner?”
You quirk a brow at the offer. “Dinner?”
“I’m thinking spaghetti. I don’t know if you like Italian, but--”
“--Are you asking me out?” Your amusement was evident in the high pitch of your tone and light in your eyes. It really was out of character for someone like Namjoon to propose such a thing, but the oddity of it all really was intriguing.
“Me...ask you out?” He pretended to be appalled, holding a hand to his chest to clutch his pearls. “That would be far too forward. I’m the brooding quiet one, remember?”
You bite back a smile. “Mhm.”
“You have me pegged all wrong, ___. I’m not the dating type. However, if you just so happen to be eating spaghetti in the same vicinity as I’m eating spaghetti.” His hand waved in the air, spinning his tale. “And we happen to be seated at the same table with a lit candle and gentle acoustic guitar playing in the background...”
“This is quite the hypothetical scenario, I’m having a hard time visualizing it.”
Then it was his turn to bite back a smile, because it was absolutely perfect. You were so thrilling to speak to, he really began to feel the bloom of love and infatuation beat back into his heart without the others around.
“Then don’t visualize. Meet me at A Mano Italiano tomorrow night. Let’s say...eight P.M.?”
As if on queue, the dryer’s buzzer screamed.
“Eight P.M.,” you confirmed, tugging your shirt back over your head. “Perhaps you’ll find me eating spaghetti within the same vicinity as you.”
“If that vicinity is A Mano Italiano, then the chances are very high.”
You pushed him by the shoulder with a giggle, then stood from the washing machine to straighten out your newly ironed shirt. “Okay, dork. Don’t get too cocky. Let’s get back to the party before anyone jumps to conclusions and thinks you’ve seduced me or something.”
“Hah.” It was alarming how much Namjoon liked the thought of that. A large part of him wanted to find a reason to draw out your conversation so the rumor would spread, but thought against it. No...dinner was so close, he could taste it. “Wouldn’t that be something?”
___
Namjoon waited to enter the restaurant even when he saw you arrive first. He sat in his car, dark eyes watching the nervous tension practically pouring out of you as you entered and spoke with the hostess. He couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at his lips. For all the pretense you put on while around your male friends, at this moment you looked like a vulnerable little lamb walking toward the table all alone.
He was glad he set up the table he wanted beforehand so that now he could simply sit in his car and observe your behavior. Cute. It’s not like he’s never watched you before, but this time it was different. This time he asked you out, or at least that’s what was alluded. He enjoyed the way you fidgeted with your fingers and checked your phone constantly. Every microexpression upon your face had him unconsciously shifting in his seat. The dress you chose to wear could mean many things, but all he could focus on was your skin. It was clear you took time to prepare for this date.
There was no doubt in Namjoon’s mind that he could win you over. He knew he had you after the way you responded to him in the laundry room. It was something he wasn’t expecting right away, but then again, you were a renowned flirt. Maybe this date wasn’t even really a date to you but an opportunity to get laid. Too bad for you Namjoon had a much bigger plan.
After about fifteen minutes he stepped out of his vehicle and walked right in making a beeline for your table. You barely had time to even notice his arrival, too busy checking your phone to make sure you hadn’t missed his text.
“Hey, beautiful.”
Though you were annoyed that he was late, his greeting made up for it. The way he was dressed was also enough to make you forgive him for any future thoughtlessness. “You’re late.”
“Am I? As I recall, wasn't this supposed to be a chance encounter? I just happened to be nearby and decided to enter. It’s purely coincidental that I found you here.”
“Charming. Do you always lie to the ladies like this?”
“You’re calling me a liar, ___? It’s only our first date. How about you get to know me first?”
“So it is a date!”
This time he could not hide his smile as he sat down to pick up the menu. Without a response he merely read over the items and mentally noted how your demeanor changed. Your shoulders were now slumped forward, head bowed--a bit of your hair hiding your face. Were you feeling shy? Insecure? Whatever it was--he loved it.
“What are you in the mood for? Choose anything you like. Your dry cleaning bill must’ve been through the roof. The least I can do is repay you with my kindness.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how expensive it was. They tried to remove the non-existent stain and had the audacity to charge me an arm and a leg. You’re going to have to pay me back big time.”
You suddenly get your nerve back making Namjoon realize you thrived on being teased. How fucking perfect. It’s funny how this behavior was the very same that made him notice you, and yet, it also set a flame in his belly. He didn’t like it one bit. With him, it was fine, but there was no way he could bear watching you continue to do it with the other guys. This night would be crucial.
“I’ll pay you back. Anyway you’d like.”
With a wink sent your way, Namjoon set his attention to the menu once again, though his eyes were no longer reading the words on the page. Your leg shaking under the table made the water glasses shake, and Namjoon bit back a laugh.
“So, have you decided?”
“I--y-yeah I think so. The fettucini sounds delicious.”
“Good choice. I’ll get the same.” Namjoon waved over the waitress, and once the food was ordered, he crossed his fingers in front of his face and stared at you silently.
“Is there something on my face?”
“No.”
“Oh. Um, so...thank you for suggesting this place. It’s very nice.”
“Very.”
His one word responses had you squirming in your seat. You were already well aware that you were fidgeting, but his behavior was quite unlike what you were used to. It was easy for you to have the upper hand in almost every conversation with the men around you, but something about Namjoon had always been different.
“Why did you ask me out? I mean, we hardly ever talk. I see you around, but you always stay on the far side of the room. Are you scared of me?”
“That’s pretty presumptuous of you, ___. I’m just here to pay for my wrong doing. How’s that shirt by the way? I sure hope this skimpy dress you’re wearing doesn’t get any wine on it too.”
The moment your eyes widened like saucers Namjoon cocked his head and waited for your rebuttal. It took you a little longer than he expected. Perhaps you weren’t used to being told the truth, and yet something told him you liked that he had.
You grabbed the thin strap of your dress and tugged it higher suddenly feeling exposed. “This isn’t skimpy. It’s a summer dress. I dress like this all the time.”
“Oh, I know, ___. Trust me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, it’s jus--”
The waiter’s entrance interrupts his words and the way you pout makes Namjoon want to reach across the table and set you straight. You really needed to stop being such an attention whore. He would ask if the dress was only for him, but he knew it wasn’t. You liked being seen, being desired--except no one should desire you, but him. No one understood how perfect you were and how much attention you needed. There would be no one to fill that role better than himself.
You both ate in silence, the tension palpable, but Namjoon was quite humored. It seemed you had a bit of a bratty streak--nothing he couldn’t fix. After the meal was done, you still hadn’t spoken a word. Namjoon had to give you credit, you were tougher than he thought.
“I don’t appreciate what you said about my dress. I happen to really like it and I don’t need you or anyone telling me how to look. I wore it for this date and because it’s nice.”
“So you wore it for me?”
Namjoon stands up and offers his hand. It felt like the entire date had gone terribly wrong and you were sure he was going to see you off. Before he even says a word, you beat him to the punch.
“I guess I’ll be going. Thanks for dinner. I’ll talk to you--”
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going? I’m not finished with you yet.”
“No. I think we’re done here. I don’t even get why you asked me to dinner. I can see you have this preconceived notion about me and it hurts.”
Namjoon paused for a moment, reigning in his temper a little. His goal wasn’t to lose control and yet being around you always clouded his head. He wanted you to want him, just the way you wanted the others. Unclenching his jaw, he sits back down and reaches for your hand.
“I’m sorry that you’re hurt. It was never my intention to do so. I don’t have any preconceived notions about you. To be honest, I’m just a little jealous.”
“Jealous?” The word caught your attention just like he knew it would. Bringing your hand up, he manipulates your fingers with his own all while looking at you over the edge of your knuckles. He kisses them for good measure relishing in the small sigh you release from those pretty soft lips of yours.
“Mhm. I don’t get as much attention as the guys. I feel like you and I should get to know each other better. Let me start over, yeah? How about you come over to my place for some drinks. I promise to be good.”
You thought over his offer for a bit, his large presence yet sweet demeanor confusing the hell out of you. It was hard to read him since you’d only interacted with him while others were present. He seemed like a nice guy overall, and the others wouldn’t socialize with him as much as they do if he were a bad guy, right?
“I don’t know, Namjoon. I just feel like you might get the wrong impression. What are you even jealous about? I’m friends with everyone. That’s just me.”
“That may be true, but I have yet to experience that friendship. I think a little alone time will allow us to become closer. Come on, ___. Just for an hour or so, and then I’ll take you right home. Promise.”
“Well--”
“Say yes.” As he speaks these words over your knuckles, he kisses over the middle one, wrapping his lips over it as if it were the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted. The action sends shivers throughout your body that settle right between your thighs.
“Yes.”
___
Namjoon walks around his car to open the door for you hoping that his gentleman-like behavior weakens your resolve. Being so near you wasn’t easy especially when you looked so gorgeous. When you slide past him to sit, he almost loses his composure--you smell fucking delicious. He focuses on making sure you’re seated fully before shutting the door and making his way to the driver side. You were already behaving exactly how he wanted and now that he was taking you home, he’d make sure not to fuck it up. He drove the entire way without saying a word, but the tension was palpable. As soon as he arrives, he turns off the ignition and jumps out of the car.
Tampering down his excitement, he lets his hand fall to the small of your back as he leads you out of the car and up the stairs to his front door. It took everything within him to let go so he could unlock it, but he had promised you he’d be good after all. For a moment, as he twists the knob, he feels vulnerable. You would be the first girl to see his apartment. All this time he slept in the beds of random women, all so he could become the man you couldn't resist. For him to allow you inside would be a big step, but he was more than ready.
When you walk in, he focuses on your face, watching the awe spread over your features. He steps to the side, hands clasped behind him letting you take it all in. He worked hard for what he had, and knowing you loved it just as much as him was rewarding.
“You live here? How can you afford this?”
Another thing you didn’t know about him. Namjoon was intelligent and smarter than most high honor university students. His last year he lucked out with an internship that got him the job he’d always wanted. Now he was living the way he wanted, except there was still one thing he didn’t have.
“Yeah. I was lucky enough to land my dream job right from school.”
“That’s amazing, Namjoon. So where is this drink you offered me?”
Namjoon gestures to take your purse and sets it on the couch. He walks over to the mini bar he had put in the corner of his dining room. It’s immaculate, like the rest of the room, furnished with all the trims a proper bar would have. Olives, citrus garnishes, cherries--anything your heart could desire. However, he doesn’t pause to ask you what you’d like. He clearly has something in mind as his hands become busy behind the counter, clinking ice into a chilled lowball.
“You can handle your liquor can’t you?”
You smirk and playfully roll your eyes. “Yes, Joon. I was in a sorority, I think I know how to drink.”
“I bet.” He begins to pour you a drink he suspects matches your tastes, the way you cross your legs and lean into the bar solidifying his assumption. You were easy--a dessert laid on a platter, and with a little liquor and a lot of attention, god knows what you would be willing to do.
“I hope you like something on the sweeter side.” The drink he chose was sugary enough to mask the amount of alcohol he poured into the glass. If he had to measure it properly, it would probably be 50% liquor and 50% fluff. But you need it on a night like tonight, for him to truly get to know you as he always intended.
Namjoon builds up the drink like it’s the elixir of life, serving it on a gold coaster and sliding it to the edge of the bar closest to you. The condensation on the glass is beautiful as it glides down the lip. You want to taste it and quench your thirst. If anything, it’ll serve as a nice distraction from your surroundings.
“This looks really yummy.” You swipe over the rim once and lick your finger, noticing Namjoon’s jaw tick.
“Maybe you should taste it and let me know how yummy it really is.”
Placing it on your lips, you let the liquid slide down your throat, the burning sensation revealing the amount of alcohol in the glass was more than appropriate for the drink. You didn’t comment, however, the sweetness distracting you if but for a moment. When you finish the contents, you set the glass down and lock eyes with Namjoon.
“Mm,” you hum, bringing the glass to your lips and lapping at the side of it to clean off a stray droplet.
You take far too long for Namjoon’s tastes. And the way your eyes narrow seductively to look at him while your tongue makes work of his glassware is sinful, to say the least. Discreetly he adjusts himself thankful that the counter was a little above the buckle of his belt.
“You must have been thirsty.” He comments casually while his fingers mindlessly fiddle with a olive spear beneath the ledge of the bar, jabbing the soft pad of his thumb with the tip of it.
There’s so much visual stimulation and he’s unsure of what to make of it. Your tongue swipes over your glossed lips and makes them shine under the low light. They naturally pucker, likely adjusting to the aftertaste of the alcohol on the back of your tongue. Those fucking straps on your dress keep falling, and he can’t stop his gaze from following them as they slip down your shoulders. But you keep adjusting them, like it isn’t a big deal.
“Very thirsty. You make a good drink. Perhaps you could make me another?”
Namjoon clinks his glass over the decanter, his own drink untouched. He swirls it in his hand and takes a small sip letting his eyes fall back on you. Lifting up his eyebrow, he sets his glass down with practiced control. The truth was, he was about to lose his mind.
“Sure. But you’d better keep an eye on those straps. Can’t have you being tipsy and falling out of your dress.”
Perhaps it’s the alcohol in your system, but you settle into your seat and recline for comfort. You adjust your posture and swing a leg over the other to rest a hand on your bare knee.
“Wouldn’t you hate that,” you giggle. Your unoccupied hand floats over your thigh and inches the fabric of your dress up a bit. “You’ve already seen me topless, Namjoon. Don’t act like a prude.”
Namjoon steps around the bar, his drink long forgotten and your second serving neglected as well. He enjoys how your head turns to follow him, completely caught off guard and not expecting him to boldly come to stand before you.
“Am I being a prude? Is this more to your liking?” His hand settles on your knee gently, jaw clenching and dragon eyes locked onto yours and nothing else. He waits for your refusal, watching your fingers twitch in an almost attempt to deny him, but he knew you wouldn’t. He tests the waters sliding up a little more, breathing out his frustration, the satisfaction of being able to touch your skin releasing years of tension.
When you don’t make a move to stop him, he slides your leg off of the other and opens them so he can settle between them. The hem of your dress climbs higher and again a strap falls over your shoulder.
“Baby, this will not do. This fucking pathetic excuse for a dress--useless fabric, made for nothing but ruining.”
You’re startled by his forward nature. Up until now he’s been quite reserved, aside from the playful banter over dinner. Now his hand lays on your thigh, and the heat of it warms your skin through the ‘useless fabric,’ as he stated it.
“R-ruining?”
Namjoon tsks and reaches over towards the counter to grasp his drink, hand still lingering on your leg.
“I’ll stop acting like a prude when you stop acting so naïve.” In a smooth motion, he brings the glass to his lips and drinks heavily. The sound of his throat constricting as he swallows the liquid is powerful, like he needs it to survive. “Open your mouth, ___.”
At first you’re unsure, the entire moment surreal. A tiny pinch to the flesh of your inner thigh causes you to gasp in shock. Looking back up, you shrink at the smirk Namjoon wears proudly.
“I said open.”
Perhaps it was the alcohol in your system, or the way his knees begin pushing yours open, but you find yourself hesitantly doing as he says. Tipping your neck back, you open wide and close your eyes not wanting to know what he will do. It’s exciting but also anxiety inducing.
“Good girl.”
Namjoon drinks the remnants of his glass and leans forward, head tipping in admiration of your beauty. He’s never been this close before, but your essence was intoxicating. He noses along your cheek and jaw, your reaction to him setting a fire in his belly. Your legs attempt to shut, but his stronger ones don’t allow it.
He doesn’t say anything or move further once his lips dance over yours. His breath tickles your skin and causes your lashes to flutter in anticipation. When you lock eyes, that’s when he parts his lips to share the alcoholic remnants with you. It’s still cold from the chilly cubes in his glass, but tastes like him.
You swallow what you can, but a small amount dribbles over your chin. It doesn’t make it very far, Namjoon’s tongue is already collecting whatever was lost.
“You’re right. It is yummy.”
You barely begin to process everything, your mind now a bit hazier with the amount of alcohol swirling through your system. “I--”
Rip
You feel a tug against your shoulder, the front of your dress now falling forward to reveal a bit of the top of your breast. The culprit stands before you with the tiny string dangling in his hand and a shit-eating grin plastered on his lips.
“Like I said...useless.”
He doesn’t stop after that. His moves are calculated and dominant--who are you to stop him? There’s a moment of indulgence from his end as he stares at your bared breast, weaving his fingers around the other strap.
“Everything you’re wearing is fucking slutty, baby. But that’s the point, right?” His grin grows wider, and then he gives a harsh tug to break the other side. “You wore it for me, so I get to choose whether I want to see it on your body or not…”
His hands make fast work of your clothing, tugging at it to expose more of your skin. In front of the other guys, he’d strain not to say anything while you were shamelessly exposed for their enjoyment. But in the comfort of his apartment, between the two of you, anything goes.
“Take this off and sit on the couch. Now.”
The low growl of his voice makes you jump and you don’t wait to see what the consequences of your disobedience will be. You slide your dress off, shame washing over you at the fact that Namjoon will be seeing your underwear as soon as he comes closer. The dress was fitted and panty lines would have ruined the look, so you couldn’t help but wear your tiny seamless pair. Kicking off the dress, you go to sit as instructed, but Namjoon’s voice stops you.
“What do we have here? I bet you did this for me too, didn’t you, dirty girl?”
He’s much too close, the raspy sound of his words causing goosebumps to spread over your skin. He continues to play his game of proximity and no touch, a game that drives you completely insane. The way his seductive energy had you submitting to him in less than an hour was unlike you. You never gave it a second thought, never imagined him to be this sexy, but you weren’t complaining.
You feel the tips of his fingers work their way up your spine, the feather-like touch drawing a gasp from your lips. He stops at your shoulder, the nail of his index finger following along the outline of your body as if he were memorizing your curves. He makes it back down to your hip and then replaces his finger with his hand. Sliding it down and over your pelvis, he finds your heat and cups it. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, his body pressed against your back and breath tickling the sensitive spot on your neck. You want to scream at him, beg him to touch you the way you need, but you knew it would only fuel his already established opinions of your reputation.
“Nothing to say now? That’s funny since you’re always running your mouth, flirting with all the guys--talking all this game--and yet here you are. I would ask what you want, but the way your cunt is soaking my fingers tells me all I need to know. Filthy, filthy whore.”
With a sharp tug he rips the underwear down your legs, the action ruining the fabric and stretching the elastic so that they are no longer wearable. He pulls them from you and stands back up, the low moan that escapes you catching his attention. You bite your tongue in hopes that he hadn’t heard--but he had.
“Yum. You sound as good as I expected. Let’s see what other sounds you can make.”
He leans you forward and kicks your legs open. The position is awkward so you bend further letting your hands support you on the couch cushions in front of you. The hiss you hear behind you causes you to bite your lower lip, the fact that you could get him so strung-- intoxicating. You don’t get to dwell in this victory long, the sharp blow onto the tender flesh of your ass much too painful.
“Do you think this is funny? I find you’re really the worst kind of brat. Wanting all the attention but never able to handle the punishment. Tell me--for how many men have you stood with your cunt spread open like this? I bet if I opened you up like this in front of the boys you’d cum untouched.”
He leans over your body, placing the fabric coated in your juices into your mouth before delivering another slap, this one more angry. You can already feel the welts rising on your skin and it’s hard to find your voice with the way your mouth is stuffed full of your arousal. If you told him he was wrong, he might think you were lying, and if you admitted he was right, he might get even more angry.
There was no explanation for what you were feeling, but for some reason you wanted him to see you in a positive light. You didn’t want to disappoint him, and you don’t know why, but just the thought of him seeing you any other way made you feel sick to your stomach.
“No one!” You barely muffle out when you feel his body jolt a little in preparation to deliver another blow. You weren’t fearful of receiving another, the truth was, you were so incredibly turned on. But something about needing him to know that you were not a whore, that you truly have only ever let him do something like this was so important for you. Whatever this hold he had over you was, his perception of you meant everything.
Joon snickers at your response, the high-pitched declaration music to his ears. He knows you are somewhat innocent with men, and that you flirt mainly for attention, but he needs to be sure that there is still an untainted part of you in there somewhere.
“Good.” Gently he straightens you and moves you to the side so that he can sit on the couch in front of you. With a light tap to his thighs, he gestures for you to straddle him, and you do so without a second thought. His large hands come to wrap around your waist allowing him to hold you down flush against his obvious erection.
“I like you. I can feel how much you like me too. Look how much you need me. You’re ruining my fucking pants, baby.”
Guiding your arms to wrap around his shoulders, he settles you to neatly on his lap, the closeness so incredibly erotic. He’s still wearing all of his clothes while you sit completely ruined and exposed before him. You try to look at his face, follow along with the seduction game that has your entire body surrendering without question, but you feel too shy.
“What’s the matter, whore? Suddenly you want to act innocent? That’s a bit unfair, don’t you think? You act like such a fucking slut with every other man. I think I deserve the same.”
One swipe up your slit with his fingers draws a gagged whine out of you. He continues to rub back and forth, his middle finger probing at your entrance but never pushing further. Your thighs begin to shake, the little strength you have left working toward keeping your control in order to prove to him that you aren’t the slut he believes you to be.
“Tsk, tsk, baby. You’ve soaked my hand. Is my girl needy? Do you want to cum all over my fingers?”
You somehow manage to lift up your face to acknowledge his question, your orgasm already so close it’s embarrassing.
“Know what I think? I think you would love to be mine. Wouldn’t you, baby? Mine to kiss and touch whenever and wherever I want--my shameless whore. That is what you want, isn’t it?”
Whatever he says, you agree to, your sex-hazed mind too focused on reaching your high and not on the words you so easily agree to. It was like he was saying everything exactly how you needed to hear it and you were already too far gone.
Namjoon continues rubbing back and forth, the palm of his hand hitting your clit relentlessly. It was fun watching you lose yourself, your frustration making you impatient and desperate. He doesn’t want to waste this time entirely, his goal to ensnare you never too far from his mind. He does, however, want to give you a going away present, one that will have you crawling back to him.
Deciding to indulge himself, he squeezes your nipple and tugs harshly. When you open your mouth to complain, he pushes a finger into you and swallows your moan eagerly, then snakes in his tongue and rips out the sullied fabric with his teeth. He spits what used to be your underwear to the floor carelessly so his tongue can keep your mouth busy, forcing your tight cunt to take another thick finger.
“You’re dripping, ___.” Namjoon swallows tight when feels how you become a soaked wreck just from the pressure of his digits stretching you out. “Gonna make a mess all over my nice pants, aren’t you? Fuck...”
Your body is perfect, the way it welcomes him so easily--it’s impossible for his ego not to inflate. He knows what to do, has worked so hard to get to where he is now. A woman’s body was always so much fun to navigate and he was quickly learning what made you weep. Small thrusts, and tiny lip bites have you broken-- exactly how Namjoon likes it.
“What if I do this?” He hooks up, right into your gspot, and thrusts with vigor. From the lewd squelching sounds that follow, he knows he can make you cum like this.
“W-what are you...Joon, don’t!” Your voice cracks pathetically as you strain to compose yourself. The alcohol must have gone straight to your bladder, because this feeling is overwhelmingly foreign, yet so familiar. If he continues, you’re certain you’ll release everything right in his lap. It’s embarrassing, but there’s nothing you can do but ride his digits and whimper for relief.
“Don’t?” His lips curl into a devilish smile and then he nips your bottom lip until the skin nearly breaks. He laves over the sore flesh with his warm tongue and whispers sin into your mouth, picking up his pace until he feels you begin to trickle. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
You tense your muscles to hold it in, until you can’t anymore. “I’m--Joon, s-stop!” Your head snaps to the side to bury your shame in the crook of his arm, face beet red and sweating.
With that, he withdraws for a mere second, only to sink in three long fingers, hooking into you hard and fast. “Cum on my fingers, little whore. You want to make me happy, don’t you?” He bites you again, this time at the slope of your neck, embedding his sharp teeth into your skin and creating a possessive mark. “Now.”
You nod, still hidden in his soft clothing. His jacket smells like cologne and his musk, and in this moment, feels like the greatest comfort as your legs shake beneath you. You’re certain you’ve lost all control of your body when you cum hard and scream silently with eyes clamped shut. All you can feel aside from the blinding pleasure is how soaked you’ve become, ruining Namjoon’s pants with your release.
“Fuck, you’re filthy.” He rasps into your ear, breath hot on your lobe. “Is this how you treat your gracious host?” His fingers thrust into you even after you’re spent, to draw out as much of your slick arousal as he can muster. The oversensitivity has you whimpering for him to stop, but he doesn’t relent. Though his movements are slower than before, it still hurts and you squeeze his solid arms, your nails digging into the fabric.
“J-Joon..it hurts.”
“Come on, pretty baby. I know you can give me one more. Be a good girl and try.”
Deciding to have mercy, he moves his thumb over your clit and presses against it, slow and calculated. He moves in a circular motion, then flicks over it rapidly all while his other fingers are still embedded inside of you. He moves them perfectly, as if he’s known your body for years.
It doesn’t take long for you to cum again, but this one felt more intimate, like he wanted it to be more pleasurable than forced. Unable to move, you lay against him, the wetness beneath you bringing a chill to your flesh. You feel embarrassed, but then his soft kisses on your shoulder calm you slightly. The evidence of your reckless behavior is hidden beneath you, but you can find no energy to care. It’s only when you hear him suck in his breath that you move from him in worry.
“___. Why are you bleeding? Are you on your period?”
Your heart thunders in your chest. No...no, not this...not now.
“N-no..”
He holds his fingers up so you can see--a droplet of blood slides down his palm and collects with the rest of your juices. “What is this?” His eyes narrow on yours, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Are you?...” There’s no way. You can’t be..
You slowly nod with cheeks furiously heated. That was all the response he needed. “You’ve never been with a man? I could have sworn…”
His words are leading into the territory you fear. You know he thinks of you as a whore when the truth is, you’ve never been touched by a man this thoroughly. The realization makes you feel pathetic, but you also wonder why you let him have you so easily. You suddenly feel completely exposed, and your nakedness isn’t helping. You look for something to salvage your dignity, but Namjoon is quicker, his jacket coming off of him as he swiftly places it over your shoulders.
“Thank you. I-- I don’t know what to say. I’ve never done this before. You’re the first.”
“You’re a virgin then. You’ve never had an orgasm?”
“No, I have-- just...not with someone else.”
Your confession makes Namjoon feel soft. This was a new revelation--one he wasn’t expecting at all. “I see. Did I hurt you?”
You can’t say the entire experience was without discomfort, but everything toward the end was just amazing. His touch was intoxicating, making the pain subside quickly. There was nothing done you didn’t want to happen. The proof was all over his pants.
“No. It felt really good. I’m sorry about your clothes. I’m so embarrassed.”
Namjoon tilts his head and brings your face to his own. He kisses you softly before pulling away slowly. “Please don’t be embarrassed. Forget the pants. How about I show you to the bathroom and find you a change of clothes?”
You nod nervously, surprise coming over you when he manages to lift you off his lap to set you down on two wobbly feet. “There. Now, follow me.”
He grabs your hand and leads you down the hall where he provides everything he promises. You can’t even look at yourself in the mirror after your shower, the water not having done enough to wash away your debauched behavior.
Namjoon waits for you to get clean and exit the bathroom. He offers to take you home, but you insist on taking a cab. He doesn’t want to push you, not now, not when he had you right in the palm of his hand. You were going to be easier than he thought. It would be like taking candy from a baby, except in this situation, innocence from a woman.
___
You don’t know how it happened, but your relationship with Namjoon took an unexpected turn. After you almost ran out of his apartment an embarrassed mess, he called you the next morning to make sure you were alright. By the time you’d hung up the phone with him, there was a flower delivery at your door, and before the day was through he managed to find his way to your apartment for a movie night.
It felt like a dream the way things fell into place so quickly. Over and over he worked to show you that he was truly interested in the real you, and although nothing was official, he made hints often about you being his and no one else’s. You often took it as teasing and flirting, but a tight grip over your hands and an even tighter hold of your waist whenever you went out together said a lot. You didn’t want to be silly admitting to liking such possessive behavior, but something in the way Namjoon swooned you was unlike anything you ever experienced before.
Every guy you’ve ever met flirted heavily with you in the hopes you’d give yourself to them, but not Namjoon. As a matter of fact, ever since the night he made you cum all over his pants he hasn’t attempted a single sexual advance. For a bit you assumed it was because he was trying to be a gentleman by getting to know you without the cloud of sexual desire, but now you were wondering if maybe he didn't like what went down that night.
As you stare at yourself in the mirror waiting for Namjoon to pick you up for your tenth date, a bit of doubt creeps into your mind. Tonight would determine his interest, the sexy black dress you were currently wearing with no underwear beneath, a temptation he most certainly wouldn’t be able to resist. He never really said what his sexual tastes were, and all you really had to go off was one night’s events to guide you. Your best guess was, if he had ripped your other pair right off, surely he preferred women without them.
You sigh out and arch a brow at the pathetic look on your face. “You really are dumb, ___,” you chastise yourself. Here you were trying so hard to get his attention, but you had no idea what steps to take. The ringing of your phone snaps you back into the now. A text from the man that consumes your thoughts glows on the screen and you rush to read it.
Joon: [I’m here, beautiful.]
Walking to the door, you swiftly open it and hurry to the elevator to meet him in the parking garage. As soon as the doors open, Namjoon glances up and swallows hard. Good.
He is leaning against the side of the vehicle looking like temptation itself. You needed to remind yourself of the goal you had set. This night was to entice him, not the other way around. Walking over to him, you smile and lean in to kiss his cheek. The air is crisp and you know for certain your nipples are clearly on display. You make sure to lean against his arm and brush against it, annoyed that now you’ve teased yourself in the process.
“You’re a bit too sexy in that dress don’t you think, baby?”
You smile and shrug your shoulders in response--he doesn’t like it. When he comes around and opens the car door, he dips down and breathes in your scent, his nose tickling the nape of your neck. You almost forget who the experienced person is in this little game you were playing. Sitting down, cross your legs and look up at him with your best innocent eyes.
“I put it on for you, silly.”
Namjoon shuts the door and says nothing more. When you arrive at the club, his arm instantly wraps around your waist to hold you close. The entire night he’s either next to do, holding you, or watching you from afar. You mostly laugh and have fun dancing with some random girls you meet, but when a man comes much too close, the entire night comes to a screeching halt.
“___, let’s go. Now!”
“But, we just got here.”
“I said now!” When he goes to grab your hand the mysterious stranger decides to speak up.
“Hey, my guy, we were just trying to have a good ti--”
Namjoon pushes the guy without a second thought causing him to land on the dance floor. He tugs you harshly and leads you all the way outside. The entire time you throw a fit and tell him he’s being crazy. The moment the cold air hits you both, he lets you go and turns to stare you down with fierce eyes.
“Don’t you ever do that again.”
“Namjoon! What the fuck. I was only dancing. Why are you being crazy?”
“Crazy? You wanna see crazy?”
You don’t get a chance to speak anymore. He drags you around the corner to the empty alleyway and presses you against the brick wall of the club. “I don’t know how many fucking times I have to tell you. You’re mine. That is what you told me, isn’t it? You said no one has touched you before...only me. That means you’re mine.”
“Joon, I know, but I wasn’t--”
“Baby, please just stop talking. Look at you. Look at this fucking dress. Don’t you know how sexy you are? I can’t even be close to you without---”
He has both fists pressed to the cement beside your head in frustration, his breathing rapid and eyes burning with a fire you almost guiltily take pleasure in. Was it right to find his jealousy attractive? To see the desire eating him alive...like he could lose control at any moment? The truth was, you were turned on by it and you needed him to know.
“Then touch me.” Reaching for his hand you guide it right to where you so desperately needed him to be. You remember the way he used his fingers--it’s all you can think about, but he tugs his hand back and away. “Joo-”
“My needy little whore. Do you think I want to touch you where anyone passing by can see? Is that what you like?”
“Wha-- no, I just thought.”
Namjoon grabs your hand once again and leads you to his car. He doesn’t say a word as he coaxes you inside, not even looking at you as he begins to drive. In that moment you felt like a true whore and were even more worried that you’d made him think even less of you. In less than an hour you’d managed to disgust Namjoon and push him away. You felt dejected and the memory of his opinion of you surfaces. After all this time, he really did think of you as a cheap slut, and you weren’t helping the matter.
When you arrive at your apartment, you assume he’s just going to leave you there, but he parks instead. He opens your car door and grabs your hand, tenderly this time, and walks up with you to your building. The entire elevator ride is awkward and you want to say something so bad, but the fear of making things worse stops you. When you get to your door, he simply stands to the side and waits. You glance over at him hoping to soften whatever may come, but the way he clenches his jaw and looks up to the ceiling isn’t a good sign.
You open and walk in, set your purse on the table and remove your heels. Now that you’re smaller in height, his tall frame dwarfs yours and you fold into yourself.
“I hope you know how much you hurt me tonight. I wasn’t happy at all. No man should be looking at what’s mine and no man should even touch what’s mine. You don’t get it do you, ___?”
His words set a rage within you. How did you hurt him?
“What! I didn’t even do anything! I was just dancing and he came up to me! What am I supposed to get when you don’t even want to touch me? Do you even like me, Joon?”
You’re halfway seated on a stool near the counter of your kitchen when Namjoon steps forward--you instantly regret your choice of seating. The corner is blocked off with nowhere to go.
“There you go again running that mouth of yours. It’s so fucking pretty too. It should be busy gagging on my cock, shouldn’t it, baby? Open up for me.”
Without a word, he slips his fingers past your open lips, your shock humorous to him. It was cute how tough you thought you were. He presses down on your tongue and when you wrap your lips around his digits, he smirks hungrily.
“Good girl. I’m going to need you to be quiet while I tell you what you did wrong. Can you do that for me, baby?”
You should be having an adult conversation with him right now instead of letting him manipulate you with his sexual prowess, but you’ve been needing his attention for so long. You simply nod and moan in response, the action earning you a chuckle from the man you so desperately want to please.
“Good. Now, listen closely so you don’t miss it. I want you to understand that when I pushed these very fingers into your untouched cunt, I claimed you. That means that no other person is allowed near what I own.” He presses his fingers further when he feels your tongue sucking him in. “You see what a fucking dirty whore you are? If anyone else saw this, they might try and take you from me. We can’t have that. I wouldn’t like that at all.” Again he pushes further and when you gag he pulls them out and then places them into his mouth, running his tongue down the length of them, all the way to his fingertips. “So yummy, baby.”
With a gentle kiss to your forehead, he walks off and right out the door without so much as a goodbye. Your current state is a mess and you can longer wait to satiate your body’s cravings. You run to your room, sliding your dress right off and jump into the bed where you search for your vibrator in the nightstand. You’re so wet you don’t even need lube, and by the time Joon texts you his routine goodnight, you’ve already cum three times.
___
A couple weeks passed, but the time dragged on. Minutes felt like hours around Namjoon -- some of them pleasant, but most of them not. It seemed your boyfriend had more layers of himself to unveil to you, bit by bit, day by day. You enjoyed the time you spent for the most part...until you didn’t. At those points, you told yourself it would get better, and it always seemed to.
His mannerisms began to shift once he was provoked at the club. As you gagged around his hooked fingers that night, he made it very clear you were his to play with whenever he pleased. You didn’t mind, as he began to kiss you more and show his affection physically. He never tried to fuck you though, but he’d do things to your body that, in your mind, were second best.
He’d cup your pussy while standing behind you at the grocery store where no one could see, or palm your breasts while watching tv. He’d be slow at the start, until he got himself worked up. One night while watching The Bachelor and you made a passing comment about how the man had a nice smile.
“Is that what you want, ___?! Apparently that’s all it takes to get your filthy pussy dripping--a nice fucking smile. You want to throw yourself at that dickhead like every other whore on the show? ...Huh?!” He began to get rough, biting marks into your neck and down your chest, but you were told you’d learn to like it.
While his possessiveness increased tenfold, you found it oddly charming...at times. The marks on your skin ached at the start, but they faded to pretty little bruises, subtly showing his claim. No one has ever gripped you with such passion, and there was no doubt Namjoon had passion coursing in his veins. Sometimes he became too passionate, tightening his hold on your wrist when you stumbled upon an old friend from high school.
“He’s just a friend,” you quietly assured him as you walked back to your apartment. But he wanted you to prove your loyalty, so you did.
He scared you a bit with his manic energy, but you did your best to remind yourself that this is how he expresses his affection, so you expressed it back. You got on your knees the second you stepped through the doors, sucked his vascular cock until you couldn’t breathe, and stroked him fast, to finish all over your face.
“What would your ‘friend’ think if I sent him a picture of you looking like this?” He squeezed his cock hard until a few lasting drops drooled over your lips. “You’re so pretty baby...Thank you.”
On one particular Saturday morning you awoke to the sounds of someone at your door. You were extremely exhausted after having stayed up until almost dawn talking with Namjoon. If he couldn’t be with you, he insisted you stay on the phone until he could hear your breathing even out signaling your sleep. You didn’t get up to answer but curiosity had you bouncing off the bed to see who it was.
When you open the door, all you can see is a huge bouquet of flowers that is so large it covers whoever is holding them. The delivery guy sets them on the ground, asks for your signature and leaves. You have no idea who would send you such beautiful flowers, but a tiny note sticking out of the top would clear things up in no time.
‘To the sexiest and most beautiful woman I know. Mine always - Joon’
It doesn’t take you long before you text to let him know that you got his present. He was probably sleeping, so you didn’t call, and now that you were giddy with love, your sleepiness left you. You knew you should at least take a nap because tonight you would be going out to meet up with the guys again with him. It feels like ages since you last saw them.
You mentioned to Namjoon several times how you missed them and wanted to see them, but he always managed to change the subject, making you forget what you asked for. It wasn’t like you meant to stay away for so long, but having a relationship took up a lot of your time and you knew this to be true of many of your friends when they started their relationships. So tonight you would make sure to have a good time and apologize for being such a terrible friend.
The day flies by and soon you’re on the elevator ready to make your way to meet Namjoon and be on your way. The ride to Jin’s house doesn’t take long, and the minute you enter, a booming cheer resounds throughout. Namjoon had asked you before you entered not to leave his side and hold his hand because being away from you would make him miss you, and you honestly tried to stick to the promise, but the boys tug you away faster than you could refuse.
You made sure to glance back at Namjoon, often trying your best to work your way back to him, but Jungkook kept wanting to show you some new videos he edited and Jimin had a lot of dating fails he was eager to share. Eventually you made your way through Hobi and Yoongi who talked about their music and dance club and then Jin had only greeted you the moment you entered, which left Tae. You had the intention of meeting up with him too, but you could see the look of annoyance on your man’s face. Although he was also talking to the guys and drinking, he wasn’t happy.
Finally free, you start to make your way to him, but Tae catches up with you first.
“Hey, sexy. Long time no see. Now that you’re Joon’s girl you can’t say hi?”
“Shut up, Tae,” you giggle and then hug him in greeting. “I was going to come say hello, but everyone was keeping me busy. I was actually just going to go talk to Joon real quick. Could you give me a sec?”
You turn to walk away, but Tae grabs your arm and spins you right back. “Why are you in such a rush? He gets to have you all the time. I’m sure he’ll move on from whatever he’s sulking over.”
“Tae, it’s not like that. You don’t know him. I’ll be right back.”
Again you spin and Tae grabs you once more, but this time he doesn’t turn you. He gets up close, right to your ear, and whispers. “What the fuck? This isn’t like you, babe. You and I could talk about anything. We used to fuck around. Why are you bei-”
“Get your fucking hands off of her.” Namjoon’s voice booms and you close your eyes already expecting the worst scenario.
“Shit, Joon. What the hell? I’m not going to take her from you.”
“Fuck off. Let’s go, ___.”
You feel torn because this is the last thing you want to happen, but one stern look from Namjoon has you moving. You get a moment to say your goodbyes noticing the look Jin gives you--was it pity? You weren’t sure. Before you know it, you’re back in the vehicle on another awkward ride home. You knew his jealousy was becoming too much, but he always made up for it somehow. It wasn’t like him to be jealous of his friends, though. You didn’t even know what he was so jealous about. It’s not like you were going to sleep with any of the guys. Hell, Namjoon hasn’t even taken things that far with you, so why would he think you’d be that way with someone else?
Although you’d been sexual in some ways with him, you still hadn’t had actual sex and you wondered if it was because he might not want to actually be with you. Maybe he was acting jealous because he knew how pathetically in love you were with him. Neither of you have said the word, but you were blatantly obvious, while he just got into fights. What was this relationship anyway?
“Joon. Why are you being this way? It’s obvious you don’t want me the way I want you. You always fight with me, get jealous, and then we end up getting each other off somehow. Is that even what a relationship is supposed to be? I’m trying here but I don’t get why you even wanna be with me.”
Namjoon hits the brakes of his car and parks off to the side of the road. His hands grip the steering wheel so tight you can see the white of his knuckles. Instantly, you swallow your words.
“I don’t want to be with you? Is that what you think, ___? You think I’m over here protecting you from people like Tae and other obviously desperate men because I don’t want you? Look at you! You’re so fucking hot and beautiful. Every man is out here trying to take what’s mine and yet you’re so painfully oblivious. Fuck!”
He smacks the steering wheel and then resumes driving, his foot pressing on the gas a little faster than before. You don’t know where he’s going and you’re too afraid to ask. He manages to pull into a park that overlooks the city, the trees so dense it’s hard to find the location unless you know exactly where it is.
“Get over here, baby.”
With a softer voice, he gestures for you to climb onto his lap, and you do so already knowing what’s coming. He always covered up your issues with sex, something you wish he wouldn’t do. There’s no way your relationship would progress like this. His lips, however, work their magic over your neck, and soon you’re melting right into him.
“Namjoon, we need to talk about this...we can’t just...ughh.”
Your words are stolen as soon as his fingers find their way into your panties. You almost didn’t wear any, but knowing this particular dress tended to fly up with even the smallest pick up in the wind, you didn’t take a chance. It didn’t even matter at this point. Your man found his way to your clit easily and his fingers were already experts in your pleasure.
He removes your jacket, teeth and tongue nipping and tugging on the flesh of your shoulders and neck the second they're exposed. Your arms lay upon his shoulders, thighs holding you up slightly to give him easier access. You think he’s simply going to make you cum and then sit you back down, argument forgotten, but the feel of his soft tip against your entrance stops the motion of your hips.
“What are you doing?”
“Shh, calm down baby. You love me, right? Hmm? You love me as much as I love you, right?”
His words are tender, eyes soft and brows creased as if the sudden revelation of weakness made him feel pain. You couldn’t deny him. Not when he just admitted to loving you in return. You blow out a breath and close your eyes, the tears threatening to spill over due to the overwhelming feelings flowing through you.
“Yes, Joon. I love you. I love you so much.”
“Good.” Your vulnerability was his drug, and wanting to prepare you for your first time, he slid in two fingers, working you open easily since your cunt was used to them. This time, he decides to press in a third without warning and the gasp you release makes him feral. You’ve taken them before, but not so quickly, and the way your body relaxes into them tells Namjoon you were more than ready.
He works your clit with his thumb while he scissors his other fingers into you, proud at the way you drip onto his palm. Knowing that it would only take a second, he removes his hand and then lowers you right onto his cock and thrusts up. You cry out into the vehicle, and dig your nails into his shoulders. He holds your hips down and slowly rotates them in order to bring pleasure back to you.
He centers you with a kiss, his mouth distracting you from the burning sensation you feel after taking his thick cock so quickly. His thumb finds your clit once more and the crease in your brow softens when he flicks it teasingly.
“There...it’s gonna feel better soon, baby. Look at my good girl filled up so full. I didn’t know if you were ready to take me, baby. Maybe I should take it out…”
“No! Please...don’t...it feel sooo..gooo-”
“Yeah, baby? How good?”
“So..so...”
Namjoon knows you can’t speak, but he can’t help teasing you. He can feel exactly how good, your cunt sucking him in so deep he can barely move. He knew this wasn’t the ideal place, that taking someone’s virginity, especially yours, should be done in a more romantic way, but he couldn’t let you go on thinking you could behave the way you had. And even more, he had to wipe the notion that he didn’t want you clear out of your mind.
When he knows you’ve completely surrendered, he tugs your hips forward, helping them to move against his rock hard cock. It was starting to hurt, being inside of you without moving a muscle, but he’d given you enough time to adjust and now it was his time to enjoy it.
Your sounds of ecstasy are enough to break any man, yet he remains in control, fingertips digging in deep and now settling on the round of your ass, hands motioning you faster and faster. His hips have now begun to meet yours, the in and out motions his cock is experiencing becoming too much to bear.
You feel so good, so warm, and so perfect. Your face is buried in his neck, arms wrapped around his shoulders and interlocked behind his neck. He could feel you trying to move, your hesitance adorable and evidence that this was certainly your first time. He’d practically taken your virginity with his fingers before, but being inside of you was another feeling entirely. He knew you took birth control to regulate your period, but he wasn’t certain if you took them faithfully. He didn’t care. You were his anyway.
With the way events unfolded, there had been no time to take out a condom or ask if you would get pregnant. All he knew was that you were his completely and the only thing left for him to do was claim you officially. Once he spills his seed into you, no man would ever be allowed to know this feeling. He would know you inside and out, just as he should.
You start rocking faster, the now pleasing feeling of his length rubbing against the walls of your cunt, something you never thought would feel so euphoric. When he starts pulling you down onto his lap and thrusting his hips faster, you feel as if you could faint. It was heaven, the moment, the pleasure--the pain. His breathing labored and heavy against your temple has you feeling more aroused even though he’s already fucking your brains out. He complains a little when his dick gets squeezed by your hungry cunt, but you can’t help it. You were so close to cumming, of that you were sure, but you struggled to find the end.
Namjoon, of course, senses your trouble. Pulling the dress above your head, he takes your bra off quickly and latches onto a nipple. Immediately he sucks and tugs on it like his life depends on it. Your neck is now exposed, back arched, and thighs shaking at the overstimulation. And just when you think you’re about to lose your mind, his thumb meets you at just the right moment. A soft stroke is all it takes for your body to lose control and rock uncontrollably. You don’t know what it is about Namjoon, but your orgasm is incredibly intense and lasts longer than you're used to. Small repetitive spasms continue to hit you and you shudder in his grasp. He continues to roll over the already swollen and sensitive nub, his solid cock letting you know that he wasn’t ready to finish just yet.
“Such a good little whore. Give me one more, baby.”
“I can-- I can’t,” you cry against his shoulder, already worn and ready to collapse.
“Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to feel me inside of you? Right here?”
His hand comes to settle on your lower belly and it quickly becomes clear what he means. He adjusts you slightly so that he can fully settle inside of you. He thrusts up using his powerful legs to balance him, and completely sheaths himself. The tip of his cock hits up against your cervix and you can see when his cock protrudes slightly from your lower belly. He does it over and over, gentle but firm and your whimper at the strange yet uncomfortable feeling.
“That’s my good girl. I’m gonna fill you up nice and good, claim this little pussy for me. You’re gonna be my good bitch and take my cum, right, baby?”
“Yes, oh god...yessss”
When he hears your broken voice, he can no longer hold back. Returning to your clit, he begins to rub desperately needing you to cum at the same time as him. He knows you’re close, so he swirls and rubs it in just the right pattern. As soon as you take in that familiar deep gasp, he spills himself inside of you as you both reach ecstasy.
The car is a million degrees hotter and your body is coated in a light sweat, but Namjoon’s soft laugh is all you can focus on. Barely able to speak, you moan in complaint and he chuckles a little louder. “What’s so funny?” you whine.
“Nothing, baby. I’m just thinking about how I’m the happiest man in the whole world.”
You smile and lean your head on his shoulder, arms limp at your sides. He was right. You were also happy and without realizing, you too felt a giggle creep up to your lips. As you both sat in the car catching your breaths, you realize that whatever fight you’d been having didn’t even matter. He loved you more than anyone you knew and that was the best feeling in the world. Namjoon was right.
Kissing his cheek, you smile and hug him tight, his dimples too adorable to ignore. He was utterly gorgeous, and so amazing to you. You couldn’t remember the reason why you were upset in the first place. “Let’s go home, Joonie.”
___
A few days passed but everything had changed. Namjoon became more attentive and gentle, even spending more nights with you at home, and you were glad for it. Your relationship was in the best place it could ever be. He must’ve said I love you a billion times already, but you never grew tired of hearing it. This was the softest you’ve ever seen him be and you were falling even harder.
Last night he made love to you too many times to count, the evidence of his presence clearly marked over your inner thighs and belly. You lay in the bed stretched out like a cat listening to the shower come on. You felt sore, yet you couldn’t get enough. Needing to replenish your body, you decide on making a huge breakfast for the both of you, but Namjoon’s phone rings on the nightstand.
You walk around to see who it could be, and Jin’s name flashing on the screen makes you curious. “Hmm, why would he be calling?”
“Hello?”
“Oh, hey, ____. I was hoping to talk to Namjoon. Is he around?”
“Sorry, he just jumped in the shower.”
Silence.
“Good. Listen, ___. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh? What is it?” There has always been a level of mutual respect between you and Jin. He’s not known for beating around the bush either, which is a breath of fresh air.
“Tae and I spoke about the other day, and, well...we didn’t like how Joon was treating you. It didn’t sit well with us.”
“O-oh?” It wasn’t what you expected to hear, but then again, you really didn’t know what to expect. The fresh marks along the slope of your neck and the tender ache of your cunt return as Jin continues to speak.
“He snapped at Tae. Drug you out of the house like a dog. ___, we hadn’t heard from you in weeks. Then we see you, and, well...you were barely allowed to look us in the eye. It’s so unlike you…”
“It’s not like that, Jin.” But then why is your lip trembling and your eyes welling with tears? “He loves me a lot. I know it’s soon, but...sometimes these things can’t be controlled. It’s just the way he expresses himself, and…” You stall to think of the right response, but it sounds muddy and wrong, even to your ears. “Really, I’m okay.”
“Okay?!” Jin never raises his voice, let alone at you.
“Jin--” The pitch of his tone snaps you farther from the floaty bubble of comfort Namjoon has created for you in your room. “Why are you being like this? I said I’m fine--”
“Tae followed you two.” He speaks in deadpan, like he can’t risk the time it takes to add pleasantries and a soft tone to his response. “He was so scared Joon would do something stupid based off the way he was acting, so he wanted to make sure you would be okay.” His breath grows ragged with emotion, noticeably trying to reason with you. “He saw, ___. The way he treated you in his car...he said it didn’t look consensual, but he couldn’t be sure. So he waited until he could see your face.”
“He followed us? Watched us?” Jin I--”
“Despite being safe, he said there was something in your eyes that didn’t look right. Like they were cold and...lost.”
You don’t know what he’s talking about. What happened in the car versus what a spectator could see are two completely different things. Plus, if Tae saw...god knows his own fondness for you could muddle his perception of things. The news is so sudden, and it gives you no time to mentally prepare or form a rebuttal. Why do you need a rebuttal? The relationship between you and Namjoon is amicable...copacetic...loving and kind.
“Lost?” A lump forms in your throat as you take a ragged breath in. “Jin, I’m okay. I’m fine, see? I’m talking to you, I’m happy. I’m in love, Jin. I love him a lot…” Your voice trails on. Some of what you’re saying registers and some of it doesn’t. In the end, it all sounds like noise.
“I don’t believe you,” Jin states bluntly. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I can’t believe that someone who treats you that way is someone you could love. And as for Namjoon, ___, I didn’t want to say this at the start because you seemed too happy, but Namjoon used to hate you. Spoke about you like you weren’t worth a millisecond of his time.”
“He...he what?” You weren’t blind to the way Namjoon thought lowly of you before you were together. The way he tore that dress off of you the first time he sunk his thick fingers into your cunt was telling of how little he cared for your sense of style or the way you carried yourself around other men. But it made you feel speci--
“He said you were a slut. That you were easy. He didn’t respect you then, and I don’t think he does now.”
Jin’s words cut deeper than if they came from Namjoon himself. Hearing them from one of your closest friends makes it feel...real. Like the micro insults thrown your way were more than jealousy and possessiveness.
Just as your mind begins to trail back to Jin’s voice, another one takes its place--
“Babe, who are you talking to?” Namjoon’s lips curl to a frown. “Is that Jin? I heard you say his name.” He shouts over your reply as you attempt to speak. “Hi Jin! Thanks for checking in. We’re great!”
In a flash, he’s by your side; snatches the phone from your hand and hangs up the call, then tosses it to the floor.
“What the fuck did you say to him?” His stare is intimidating, darkened beneath narrowed lids.
“We were just talking--”
“What did you say?!”
Tears stream down your face. You’re rattled, trembling to speak out. “I said we were happy. T-that I love you, Joon.”
“Why?” He takes one step closer and shoves you onto your back. “Clearly you needed to defend our relationship..” His hands are rushed and rough as he peels away your clothing, making you equal to his level of vulnerability, towel slipping off his hips. “Am I a monster, baby? Am I bad to you?”
“No. No!”
“Those fucking pricks think I’m bad for you. I knew they would. They’re jealous, just like I’ve been saying all along!” A TV remote tangles in his feet as he paces by your side of the bed, so he grabs it and tosses it at a wicker chair, splintering the framework. “Fuck! Don’t you see? God damnit, they’re ruining everything!”
You nod, because what else is there to do? You see the darker sides of your boyfriend--his temper, for one. You believe a part of what Jin claimed. Plus, the way Namjoon is handling your body is alarming--aggressive, fast, powerful. He could harm you if he really wanted to, but hasn’t. He’s positively agitated. You trust he’d never do anything to harm you, but for some reason, you’re terrified.
“We should stop, Joon. Uh...put some clothes on and talk about this.”
“Stop?” He shakes his head and closes his eyes, burying his face in his hands. “You want me to stop. I thought you loved me..”
“I do!” You’re quick to come to his side, coaxing him to sit on the bed beside you. “Baby, I love you. I just need you to calm down, okay?”
He laughs and uncovers his face. “Words mean nothing. I need you to show me.”
“Show..”
He grips you at the wrists and presses your back to the bed. “Spread your legs if you’re a good girl for me.” He does it for you before you can comply, using his other hand to pry you open. “There it is. Mine,” he hisses, “Wet little cunt, dripping wet, waiting for me to fuck it.”
You wriggle in his hold as the circulation in your wrists begin to pulse, but you don’t say a word in protest. He’s right, you are madly responsive to his touch. Even if he scares you, you can’t help the way your body reacts.
“It belongs to you,” you coo through a few stray tears.
“That’s right.” He shows you his agreement, using two large fingers to rub through your arousal and cost your lips, holding you open to see your tensing hole. “Mine to use whenever I want. To fill with my cum, as many times as I can. You want my cum inside you, right baby?”
Your eyes grow wide as he turns over his hand and places the backs of his fingers against your clit. “Mmhm. Y-yes.”
A harsh smack follows, right against your most sensitive skin. There’s no space for a yelp or questioning before the next smack lands. This time, he finds the spot he was looking for, directly over your clit. Smack. Smack.
“Joon! Ah--s-stop!”
“Don’t cry, baby. It’ll feel good soon.” Your boyfriend assures you with gentle words while he picks up the pace, harder and faster, smacking your pussy and inner thighs until you grow numb. “Accept it...accept me. Doesn’t this slutty body want to be fucked? If you can’t take this, you can’t take my cock.”
You try, but the pain grows too strong. You can feel the hot heat of your cunt swelling from the shock, so you back your hips to escape the next blow. SMACK.
“Aghh, ow, fuck!” Tears spring from your eyes.
“Unless you want someone else’s cock?” Namjoon rises to his knees on the bed and shows off his glistening length, how it drips pathetically to fill you raw. “Is that what you want?” The anger returns to his eyes as he shouts, gripping his shaft and stroking it. “Tell me, ___! Choose now--me or them?! Be a petty little whore for those liars. Go ahead, but you’ll never see me again...” He lines himself up at your entrance and prods the tip in without warning. “Answer me!”
“You! You!” Your cheeks are stained with tears and beet red.
“You’ll never see them again?”
“N-never!”
“Promise me!” Namjoon spits, thrusting his fat cock into you. “Say it!”
Your vision blurs. The pressure of him entering you fully catches your breath in your throat and causes you to choke, struggling to respond quick enough. “I promise! I’ll never see them again!”
“You’ll stay here with me?”
“Forever!”
A smile curls over Namjoon’s lips as he gives you another firm thrust. “Good girl.”
In his eyes, he’s finally won. It was a long road with a lot of twists and unexpected turns, but he finally broke you down. He doesn’t have to fear the thought of you giving yourself to someone other than him, or running away to have your mind turned against him by nosy friends. You want everything he has to offer--your mewling lips are enough to indicate how badly he affects your body, and how undeniable his touch has become.
“Say you love me,” he pleas, railing into your cunt with slick smacks. “One more time, so I can cum.”
Like clockwork, you comply. He’s won. You’re all for him, and all he has to do is snap his fingers. In this case, he rolls his hips and fucks you deep until he can feel the familiar slick of your cum trickle over his bare thighs. Now your body is hardwired to his. With a little punishment and a rough fuck, he can turn you to putty.
“Like that,” he groans. His hips angle upward to pulse inside you, spilling everything he has. “F-fuck, all mine. All of you...forever.”
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personasintro · 5 months ago
Text
july kiss | knj drabble
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⇢ 𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; maybe there's something magical about July
⇢ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff, smut, dilf!namjoon, idiots to lovers (kinda)
⇢ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: unprotected sex (you'll know why ;)), age gap
⇢ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 5.9k+
𝒂/𝒏: commissioned by @joontopia​! Thank you for letting me take my time with this one♡
𝒎.𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | ☕️ | © 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 (𝒏𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅)
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“Thanks again for coming,”
Namjoon's voice blends out the sounds of waves crashing and the slight breeze that's comfortable in this July heat. Your attention is drawn away from you straightening the beach blanket on the sand to him, his eyes glancing at you as he's spreading more sunscreen on June's back as her shiny and interested eyes stare at the water excitedly.
You swear, the kid is the cutest kid you've ever seen and it's not because you've been babysitting her for something over a year. Not only is she incredibly smart at three years old, something she definitely takes after her father, but she's also a very bright and good kid. It's just her, you can't possibly imagine her being different. Namjoon has done an amazing job not only at taking care of her, but also raising her when her mother comes in and out of her life.
It breaks your heart to know her mother is not interested in such an incredible child, her child. It hits close to him, you being a daughter whose mother left when you were around thirteen years old. June's situation is different, she's way smaller than you were when that happened to you and she gets all the love from her father. She barely recognizes her mother isn't here. You know she'll have questions as she gets older but as an 'outsider' and not part of their family, you're hundred percent sure she's very much loved.
Chuckling at Namjoon's words, you shake your head a little and look at him to catch a glimpse of an amused smile on his own lips. He's acting as if he hasn't thanked you before.
He probably doesn't realize how happy you get when his phone number flashes on your phone. Maybe some of it has something to do with your secret admiration you've for this man, but other than that you're very happy and excited to spend more time with his daughter (and her daddy too).
Over one year, you've gotten so comfortable around them that this doesn't feel like a side-job anymore. You wish you could openly tell Namjoon you don't want money for taking care of his daughter when he can't because he's busy with his job, trying to provide everything for him and mostly for his daughter. You love spending your time with them, he knows that but for some reason, you do feel bad for taking money for it. But it's not something you can just tell him, knowing it's not appropriate even though the two of you have grown closer to each other.
None of you have made a move though. Your dating life has been practically non-existent when the tall blond man with a cute little daughter walked into your life. You couldn't bring yourself to look at another man, knowing you don't get those sparks like you do when you're just having a casual conversation with the thirty year old man.
As far as you know, he's too busy to date someone which settles a slight comfort to your hopeless heart, even though you know it's just a matter of time before someone who catches his eyes will walk into his life.
Not wanting to think about this specific topic, you quickly shake it off before you can get sad when there's a bright day ahead of you. After being invited to tag along Namjoon's getaway weekend (still work related because he has some business here he needs to take care of), you were asked if you could watch over June from time to time which you excitedly agreed to.
Technically, Namjoon is right here and you don't have to be here as a babysitter. But when Namjoon proposed you could look around the town assuring you that “You don't have to be here with us if you'd like to do something different like look around the town or something”, you were more than quick in shutting him up saying; “Beach sounds lovely!”.
So without saying anything, the three of you are spending a day together. It wouldn't be the first time this is happening but it surely never gets old and quite frankly, you can't get enough of it.
“June, baby, wait a minute.” Namjoon gently scolds his daughter who excitedly tries to sneak away from her dad's hands applying more sunscreen to her precious skin.
“I wanna go into the water.” she whines, pouting a little as you snort under your breath as you get an amused grin from Namjoon in return.
“What did we talk about, hm? You didn't have your daytime nap, so we can go to a beach and you promised me you'll be a good girl.”
His voice is gentle and light, but when June glances back at her father with a slight pout still settled on her little lips, she already knows her daddy isn't fooling around and if she wants to get into water, she should behave. Still, her mischievous and innocent eyes at the same time glance at you as if she expects you to say something else, silently asking for help which makes you laugh.
“Don't look at me, you heard your daddy,” you shrug, causing her to pout but she sets her eyes back to the ocean and patiently waits for her father to finish his task. “Junie, you want some water before you go to the ocean?” you ask her, already pulling out her bottle from the basket as she nods.
Namjoon's fond smile and look he gives you goes completely unnoticed by you as you hand his daughter her bottle, smiling when she thanks you cutely as you adjust her bucket hat on her head. She looks so freaking cute in her yellow swimsuit with lemons on it.
When he's done, he warns her not to go yet as she nods and starts playing in the sand near your beach blanket. You're pulling out her inflatable armbands and pool ring for Namjoon to blow up when you notice him standing up. You don't put that much thought into it though, not even when his shadow seems to hover over you for a moment. But once you turn around, you almost gasp at the sight of his honey skin and beach shirt tossed on the blanket as he adjusts his swim trunks.
His big hands and toned stomach makes a heat rush past you and it's definitely not the July weather right now. Suddenly, your mouth runs dry and you panic when Namjoon suddenly looks up and sees you staring at him.
He opens his mouth but you panic, tossing a deflated pool ring towards him as he messily catches it with a surprised look on his face.
“I'll take care of those,” you inform him, lifting up June's armbands so she can finally go into the water. You turn around towards the ocean, focusing on your task instead of Namjoon's light 'Oh okay' and the way he sounds surprised.
Deep down, you're cursing at yourself for acting like an idiot because you panicked when you've seen him shirtless. In your defense, you've never seen him without a shirt and you're not sure if you'll be able to live this day through with him looking like this. It's not fair because he looks freaking hot every time but him wearing only swim trunks… you were just not ready for it.
Busy yourself by blowing up June's armbands, you're both soon done which makes June jump in excitement as Namjoon puts armbands on her. He does scold her a little to hold still because her excitement is making it hard for him to put them on her. While all that happens, you can't fight off the sweet and fond smile you're sporting at the sight of them two, your heart blooming with so much love for them.
“Are you joining us?” Namjoon asks, taking June by her hand as her father's question causes her to rip her eyes away from the water once again as she sets them upon you, looking at you pleadingly.
Smiling at her, you glance at him unsurely. “Who'll look after our things?”
“We'll stay at the shore, we can see our spot from there perfectly.” he answers easily, causing you to nod as you agree, causing June squealing excitedly as her father looks down at her with a grin.
Reaching for the hem of your beach dress, you pull them over your hand and expose your purplish bikini. Namjoon has never seen you in one and you're more than aware he's about to, which makes you slightly nervous under his gaze. You've never really cared what guys think of you and your body, but suddenly knowing Namjoon is close and sees all of this makes you think otherwise.
“Daddy, can we go?” June whines, her patience running low as you glance at both of them, finding Namjoon staring at you as he gulps. His face is red, eyes slightly big as he nervously looks at your face and gives you a nervous chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah. You--you ready?” he asks you, causing you to nod.
“Yeah, let's go.” you say, pride and confidence slowly blooming inside of you. Is he nervous seeing you like this? Was he checking you out? Why is his face so red? Does he find you attractive? You're six years younger than him – would he be interested in someone so younger than him? Even though six years isn't that big of an age gap.
“Yay!” June yells happily, her small hand reaching for you as you take it with a sheepish smile you give Namjoon.
The three of you happily rush to the ocean thanks to June who keeps pulling your and Namjoon's hand. From an outsider's point of view and someone who doesn't know you it totally looks like a family having the best time.
Unfortunately, after an hour being in the water and then quickly grabbing some snacks before coming back, Namjoon got a call he needed to take care of. He's still at the beach but had to walk somewhere quiet so he can take care of a business call that came unexpectedly. He asked if you could look after June, not that he had to ask because you automatically told him it's okay.
After eating a watermelon you prepared for everyone, June has found a friend her age and they both started to play in the sand, apparently trying to build a castle. A typical choice to make out of the sand. The cute boy's mother sits on the opposite side of you, telling you they're also on a family trip and even points to her husband who plays in the water with older kids. You've a casual talk with her, reminding June to drink water every now and then as she cutely plays with the boy.
After a while, you see Namjoon slowly coming into view, although the phone is still attached to his ear, it looks like the call is ending. As if June could see her father approaching your spot where all your stuff is (which she couldn't because she's been too engrossed in building the castle), the kids stop playing saying their castle is finished. You and the boy's mother praise the kids, June hugging your leg as you stand up.
“It was so lovely talking to you,” The woman smiles, taking her son's hand as you smile. “And you're such a cute girl. You've such a nice mom.”
You open your mouth, suddenly surprised by the comment and you go correct her, telling her that you're not June's mother. You don't owe any explanation to her and although moments like these have happened a few times now where people automatically thought you're June's mother, for some reason you're about to correct her. But June's mouth opens quicker as she hugs your leg even closer.
“She's my favorite mommy!” she tells the woman happily, causing her to smile fondly at Namjoon's daughter before they both bid a goodbye. You let out a nervous smile and wave, patting June's head.
“June, baby,” you call out to her, finding her knowing smile and sheepish look she gives you. Even though you can see a little glimpse of her mother, not that you've ever seen her personally, the sheepish grin is a perfect copy of Namjoon's. You'd say June is a mixture of her both parents and since you've never seen her mother, not even in a picture, you can see she's not all Namjoon.
She hums, finger pressing against her lips as you chuckle.
You don't mind her calling you like that, it's not the first time that has happened. Namjoon explained to her many times that she can't call you like that, but just as June is smart, she's also a little stubborn and determined to call you from time to time her mother. You're not going to lie, her referring to you like that makes your ego boost, it's nothing better than to be loved by a kid. You're just not sure if it'd make Namjoon comfortable if he knew she's still doing that. He has a lot on his plate and this isn't that important or something you've to discuss with him. He'd just think you're the one finding it uncomfortable and when you look into June's eyes, how can you snitch on her?
“You've a mommy.” you remind her softly, brushing her fringe off her forehead as her hair is a little bit sweaty from the heat.
You don't really want to mention her mother and you feel like a douche for doing that even though you know June doesn't care that much about her, but still. That woman doesn't deserve to have such a wonderful daughter that June is. But it's true – she has a mom and you're not her.
“But you're my favorite mommy.” The little girl stubbornly justifies, looking a lot like her father right now whenever you've caught him being stressed over work.
She makes your heart melt, especially seeing her being so determined in her opinion about you. You let out a defeated sigh, stretching your hand towards her as she takes it with the brightest dimple smile before you guide her towards her dad who's already sitting on a blanket, watching the two of you with a similar smile his daughter has on her lips.
“Daddy, I made a new friend! And I made a castle!” she informs him, running towards him as he catches her, laughing at his daughter's excitement before he kisses her cheek.
The innocent and small kisses he always gives her during the day makes her completely unbothered, she's so used to it that she barely notices it while she keeps talking about what she has done in his absence. You join there, letting the sun heat over your skin all over again as a nice breeze brushes against your body.
You spend more time there until it's time to go to the beach cabin Namjoon rented for this weekend for the three of you, get ready for the night. June's tired yawns and obvious lack of energy is proof what a good and adventurous day she has had.
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Silently shutting the door from June's current room, you find Namjoon sitting on a couch with something in his hands before he hears you coming out of his daughter's room. A small smile frames his lips which you copy, a sheepish grin making its way on your lips knowing June insisted on you telling her a story rather than her dad. The whole scene was actually funny, Namjoon dramatically gasped while his daughter laughed, still insisting she wants you to put her to bed after she had a fun bath time with her dad.
Although Namjoon feigned hurt, he still looked at you in question, silently asking you if you're okay with it. And of course you were. Namjoon took care of empty and dirty dishes while you took care of June.
By the time June has fallen asleep, Namjoon sits comfortably and almost beaten up from the heat of today's day spent on a beach. You mimic his exhaustion when you plop next to him, leaving enough space between your bodies to not make it look inappropriate, even though you silently wish you could get closer to him.
Both of you out of the shower, fully clean from the sand and salted water, you're both still exhausted.
“I might get jealous,” Namjoon says amusingly, glancing at you with a grin as you chuckle, knowing he's talking about you and June's little scene she caused over the dinner time. “She loves you more than her own dad.”
You giggle, throwing your head back a little as Namjoon watches you with a dimpled smile. “That's not true, she loves you very much,” you tell him, watching him respond with a nod and smile because yes, he knows he's very much loved by his daughter. And to be honest, he definitely doesn't mind if she loves you maybe just as much.
He can't possibly imagine you not being in their lives, not just in his daughter's but in his too. Even though you started as a babysitter for his daughter, it was bound for him not to spend as much time with you since your whole cause of being there is to look after his daughter when he can't. But something over the months has changed and your presence has been more required because 'June wants you to come too, if that's alright' but the truth was, he wanted it as much as she did. Maybe even more.
“What's this?”
Interrupting his thoughts, you point at the paper in his hands when you catch a glimpse of something colorful, something that June must've drawn without a doubt.
“Ah, this?” Namjoon chuckles lightly, showing you a drawing, a cute colorful drawing with three people in it. One of them is undoubtedly June and her father that holds her hand. There is sun, sand and water too. But that's not what catches your eyes. It's the third person holding June's other hand too. “It's something she drew while you were taking a shower.”
Even though the drawing of the three years old isn't completely clear, it's pretty much obvious what she drew for her father this time.
“And who's this?” you ask, nibbling on your bottom lip as you point at the woman even though you might know the answer. It's quite obvious and your teasing tone says it all.
“You,” Namjoon doesn't miss a beat to answer, this time glancing at you as your faces grow closer as you were trying to look more properly at the drawing.
He's so close that you can see the texture of his honey skin, the little mole under his bottom lip and his peachy plump lips. He seems to be staring just as much at you, his own eyes dancing across your face to enjoy the view before you gently pull away with a nervous chuckle.
“Seems like you're a part of our family now.” Namjoon tries to joke, but you see how nervous he suddenly got or maybe embarrassed from what happened just seconds ago.
“That's nice to know,” you tease, before you're reminded of what June thinks of you. Namjoon knows that too since it happened more times than just today, but you've never been the first one to bring it up. “She called me her favorite mommy today, when she was playing with the kid in the sand.”
So much for not snitching, sorry June!
Namjoon's brows shoot upwards at the sudden information, his cheeks slightly tinted red for some reason getting second-hand embarrassment because of his daughter.
“Ah, I'm sorry,” he winces, “I talked to her many times about it, I don't know why she refers to you like that. I'll talk to her tomorrow.” He genuinely seems to be sorry which makes you shake your head as you smile at him.
“I actually don't mind it that much,” It's not like you've never said it before, you always assured Namjoon you're fine with it. But it's important if he's fine with it, he's her father after all. “She's just a kid, but I completely understand if that's uncomfortable for you. I mean… I'm not her mother and I'm not trying to replace her real mother or something. I think she is just confused because I spend so much time with her, more than…” you trail off awkwardly, expecting him to look somehow offended or maybe hurt by mentioning his ex.
But you're surprised when you're met with an understanding nod and soft look.
“More than her real mother,” he finishes for you, “And it's not uncomfortable for me. I just don't want her to think you're her mother or put that pressure on you. It's a huge thing and I guess I don't want her to get hurt. I know it's all fun and sweet but when it comes down to reality, you haven't signed up for this, I mean to be called her mother even if it's innocent.”
“Yeah, no, I get that.” you assure him lightly. That's what you thought too.
“We both know there will come a time when you won't be her babysitter anymore,” Namjoon starts carefully, causing you to tense at the mention of you not being her babysitter. You know she's not going to leave your life so soon, but the thought makes you scared and sad. “She'll grow up and eventually, she won't need a babysitter. You'll also find someone, make your own family… you're doing this part-time job while you still have your job.”
You know he's just stating the obvious, but it doesn't go well with you.
“Stop,” you whisper, shamefully staring down at your lap.
“Why? Isn't that the truth though?” Namjoon asks, chuckling but it comes a little bitter and it causes you to look at him, surprised to see him looking not so pleased. You're glad you're not the only one who feels about this this way.
Maybe it's good you've this conversation, the possible mention of your future that doesn't include them, even though you can't imagine it. You've been tiptoeing around each other for months and none of you ever made a move. You know there's something between you two, something more than just him being a father of a kid you babysit. The sweet smiles and conversations you've had speaks for itself.
“I want her to be in my life as long as it's possible,” you tell him, “You too.” you murmur, ignoring the surprised look he gives you.
“You can always visit anytime you want,” he reminds you, “But once you've your own family and different things going on, we both know it won't be as easy. That's just how it is.”
“I don't really like the sound of that.” you admit silently.
“Me neither,” he agrees, “But unfortunately that's the truth. You know you always have our door open, whenever you need it.”
You look at him, sadness written all over your face because this awfully seems like a goodbye even though that's stupid. June is three years old, Namjoon will need your help for a couple more years and he admitted one day he would never want any other babysitter for his daughter. But just the simple conversation about the inevitable future makes your heart beat faster but not in a good way. You realize it's fear and sadness mixed together.
“Joon,” It's very rare for you to call him that. It seems intimate and too personal but there have been times when you called him like that.
The two of you are close, maybe even closer than just friends but without even crossing any line, you're stuck in a weird place.
However, Namjoon smiles at the nickname falling from your lips so sweetly and effortlessly, the similar pronunciation to his daughter's name makes his face even brighter. But he still gives you his undivided attention as he peers at you with those soft brown eyes.
“Don't make it sound as if I'm leaving you any time soon, or ever…”
“I'd like to think you're not,” he smiles at you sadly, “But we've to be realistic here, Y/N.”
“Okay, then let's be realistic and don't pretend as if there's nothing going on between us,” you shamelessly tell him, even though deep down you're freaking out that you're so straight-forward.
Maybe you've read things wrong, maybe you just feel something more for him and you just made a fool out of yourself. But you push that away, continuing.
“And maybe it's me just thinking this, correct me if I'm wrong or if I'm being inappropriate but I can't just sit here and listen to you talking as if I'm leaving--”
“You're not wrong, Y/N,” he murmurs, glancing at his hands that sit on his lap before he sets June's drawing on a coffee table. “You're not being inappropriate because I've felt the same way.”
“Y-you did?” You're shocked.
“I like you Y/N,” he admits, sounding much more stern and serious than ever before which makes your breath hitch. “You're not just my daughter's babysitter, you haven't been for a while now. I'm just an idiot, too scared of getting attached to someone else when the last woman I loved left me, and not just me but my daughter too. It's hard to bring someone else into my life when June is a huge part of it. She's also baggage, it sounds awful but she is.”
“Good thing I love June.” you joke, heart beating as you're still trying to process his confession. So, you weren't stupid. You both obviously feel there's something more between you.
“Just June?” he teases you, cracking a grin causing you to snort.
“Don't be greedy, you told me you like me.”
He laughs, quickly silencing himself not to wake up June sleeping in the other room as you silently giggle.
“I didn't mean to scare you,” he explains, causing you to purse your lips as you nod, making him snort at you. “Maybe it's too soon for confessing endless love, but I really really like you, Y/N. And you having that with someone else scares me.”
“I feel the same way.” you whisper, giving him a smile he quickly returns.
You see him fiddling with his fingers which makes you even more emotional and this time, you're not just sitting there but reaching for his hands instead. The size difference between your hands is almost comical, both your and Namjoon's eyes looking at your hands as you give him a warm smile once again.
“You're not just June's babysitter,” he whispers, squeezing your hands as you feel your heart jump. “You're an incredible woman, Y/N.”
That's it. You're not waiting for anything, no longer just mindlessly wishing to get close to Namjoon and instead, you get past all your insecurities and worries. The first touch of Namjoon's comes as a surprise, his lips are way softer than you could've ever imagined. You both flinch when your lips touch, not because it feels awful or something, quite the opposite actually. You both know you're testing the waters right now, even though you're the first one who took the real and big step by kissing him.
For all you know, he could easily push you away and tell you this is not what he wants. Or maybe you're going too fast with this. He just told you he likes you and you've just kissed him right away.
But once you pull away, your faces stay close to one another and for some reason you slightly panic, about to pull away completely but Namjoon surprises you when he gently grabs your face and pulls you in for another kiss.
“I've been meaning to do that for quite some time.” he tells you in the kiss, causing you to smile but no other words are spoken, not when you're both enjoying each other's lips.
You can already tell you're growing addicted to them.
That night, it's maybe too soon to be invited to Namjoon's bedroom where nothing more serious than innocent kisses have happened, you end up cuddling with him. It's not your fault that you fell asleep pressed against Namjoon's chest.
It's until the morning where the two of you are still sleeping, unfortunately not cuddling anymore because cuddling the entire night is just impossible especially in this heat even during a night time, when you're both awoken by none other than June herself. It's been her morning routine to come see her dad whenever she wakes up first during weekends, but none of you could've thought about that last night.
You and Namjoon stare at each other, not having enough time to appreciate the domestic and morning sight of his rustled hair and puffy face, at least not when his daughter is standing confused in the same room looking at you with curious eyes.
Obviously, she's too young to even think about what could've happened last night and she probably doesn't think about any details. Although, she's still smart enough to know there's something different and you being so close to her dad has something to do with it.
Namjoon stutters over his words, growing slightly red at being caught by his own daughter even though you sleep on the other side of the bed. You just sit there, nervously looking at June who keeps glancing between you and her father with her innocent and curious child eyes.
“Can I call her my favorite mommy now?”
Her question is innocent, not implying anything inappropriate because she's too little but it's safe to say – Namjoon starts choking after that.
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It's truly interesting how things can change so much when someone overcomes their fear of getting rejected or admitting their feelings to a certain someone. Someone they've been secretly admiring from the moment they've seen that person to the moment they realized there must be something more than just a simple admiration.
Four years ago, you were that someone who overcame all those things and went for that kiss that is maybe the reason why you're here today. With Namjoon. Who knows. Maybe if you didn't go for that kiss that night, you wouldn't be here today at the very same beach in the same cabin you've been going to every year to celebrate your anniversary. Technically, you started dating a week after the beach trip happened, but it became your thing to celebrate the day you both talked and kissed for the first time.
However, Namjoon gave today's date a new meaning and it's no longer just a day where you both confessed to each other and spent most of the time kissing and cuddling. You'd never in your life expected him to propose to you today. It was supposed to be a casual day where you celebrate this day just the two of you, considering June is spending some time with Namjoon's parents who were more than happy to take care of her. At first it was kind of suspicious how determined they were and now it all makes sense. They knew.
Just a few hours ago, Namjoon proposed to you in the most romantic way. There were no candles and all that romantic crap you see in movies. There was just Namjoon on one knee, holding a shiny ring while you were admiring the sight in front of you of a beautiful sunset.
The beautiful ring is wrapped perfectly around your finger now, hands gripping the sheets while your face is scrunched in pleasure. You're not sure how many times you're in this situation, with your new fiancé proving to you how much he loves you. Now there's a complete new meaning to your sex, both of you panting and close to your edge as you celebrate the news. If the engagement didn't happen today, you know it'd still be just as beautiful and amazing.
Your anniversary always consists of spending time together but it also means a lot of sex which unfortunately, back home is a little bit tricky with seven year old kid under the same roof. Also Namjoon is mostly working, coming back home late and even though that's the only suitable time for you to have sex (if June isn't spending weekend at her grandparents), there are times when the two of you just end up cuddling instead of it leading it to somewhere else.
“Joon,” you whine and moan at the same time, giving him a signal that you're getting there soon as he grunts in return, feeling your walls tightening around him.
His hand goes to your perky breast, squeezing it slightly as you moan even more, silently pleading for more. He knows how sensitive they've been for a while now and Namjoon makes the best out of it.
His length hits your g-spot repeatedly and soon after, you're cumming around it with a loud moan of your fiancé's name. He's following you seconds after, spilling inside of you with the most beautiful moan and grunt combined. Few more kisses and sheepish giggles, he pulls away to clean you up before he joins you in bed. It's too hot to even move, both of you know a cold shower is very much needed but for now, all you need is cuddles.
You lay on your side, Namjoon's sweaty chest pressed against your just as sweaty back, but you don't care. Smiling, you feel his arm sneaking over your waist before he spreads his palm against your swollen belly. It's not too big, but definitely visible now which funnily enough, it makes him even more happier than you.
“Did we wake him up?” he hums, hand caressing your belly as if he's waiting for the baby's response.
“I told you it's her,” you argue with a giggle, feeling Namjoon teasingly bite into your shoulder as you giggle even more. “I can feel it.”
“And I can feel it's a boy,” he argues back, amusement clear in his voice as he cuddles to you and gives your shoulder a peck. “I was right with June.”
“That doesn't mean anything,” You laugh when you hear him dramatically gasp before you put your hand over his as you both caress something your love created. Something unexpected but definitely something that has made you both so happy that you've never really known you needed it until it happened.
To be fair, you both weren't doing much to prevent it though. Still, it was kind of a big surprise nevertheless.
“So what? If it's a girl and I'm right, which of course I am,” You can already see him rolling his eyes behind you but you can hear him chuckle. “What's her name? July?”
Namjoon snorts, squeezing your belly a little as you burst in laughter. “Stop making fun of me.”
“June is a beautiful name, Joonie,” you tell him honestly, a grin still evident in your tone. “We got together in July, I think it'd be cute though. It has a meaning, a huge meaning for our relationship.”
“So our next baby's name is gonna be September?”
Snorting, you poke your elbow into his stomach which he reacts to a laugh, pressing another kiss to your cheek this time. “I'm just joking, love.”
“No, technically it should be August.”
Both of you burst into laughter, enjoying just the time between you and him alone which is rare these days. That's until someone reminds you that they're there too, causing you to yelp as you feel the baby kick. And this time, you find yourselves admiring its little kicks which never fails to fascinate you.
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likeastarstar · 2 months ago
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11:09 PM- Namjoon
(A/N: For the anon requesting Jealous Joonie. Sorry for the delay! I got about halfway thru this and realized I've written something similar for Jimin aha...my bad. Feedback is appreciated.)
You’re single.
Not by choice, obviously- if it were up to you, you’d be dating Namjoon and already thinking of baby names.
But no, the man was not your boyfriend. Instead, Namjoon liked to flirt with you, to get dinner with you too often than friends probably would, he got you gifts from places he visited, he sent you pictures of the sky that reminded him of you-
But he wasn’t your boyfriend.
For some reason, he refused to define what the two of you were.
So, like any single girl would do- you decided to do whatever you wanted.
Sure, you wanted to be with Namjoon, but when a man approached you asking if you wanted to dance who were you to say no?
You looked sideways at Namjoon, who was standing a few steps away, talking to another one of your friends. You noted the way he laughed at whatever she said and felt irritated, narrowing your eyes at him. Sure, he wasn’t your boyfriend- but he wasn’t allowed to laugh at someone another girl said, even if she was your friend.
“Sure,” You said decisively, clapping your hand in his and letting him pull you up from your seat at the booth you were sitting in.
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Namjoon’s eyes perk up but ignored it, focusing instead on dancing with the man in front of you. You didn’t get very far, spinning around to back up on the guy only to see Namjoon standing directly in front of you.
He had that look on his face- the one he only got when he was either extremely focused or extremely pissed off. Cheeks sucked in, brow furrowed, bottom lip pushed out. He tilted his head to the side and frowned disapprovingly at you before flickering his gaze up to the man behind you and saying only one word, “No.”
You blinked blankly, feeling his arm wrap around your waist possessively, “It’s late, we’re leaving.”
“We?” You repeated awkwardly, “We as in- like, you and me?”
“Yeah, let’s go.” He nodded shortly, tugging you away from the man. You didn’t even know if the other guy said anything at all, focusing instead on the firm gasp Namjoon had around your body and the annoyed look on his face.
You felt dazed the entire way home, unable to stop staring at him even as he was essentially scolding you as you stepped into you apartment.
“If you wanted attention- you should’ve told me,” He snapped, slamming the door closed. “Was I moving too slow, was that it? Did you want me to ask you out sooner?”
“Maybe?” You mumbled.
“I don’t formally ask you to date me so you decide to flirt on a guy in front of me?” He scoffed, “You’re mine- there, is that better?”
“You flirted with someone else in front of me too! Don’t act like I’m the only childish one here,” You snapped. "And my ass barely touched him."
“You were jealous?” He laughed, stepping closer to you. A flash of nervousness washed over your face before you replaced it with annoyance again, lifting and dropping a shoulder silently. Namjoon pulled your body against his, arms around you again. He leaned down slightly, dipping his head down to your neck and breathed hot air against it, “Don’t lie, I can see it on your face.”
He pressed his lips to the side of you neck and you felt your stomach drop. This was the most physical attention Joon had shown you since you met him. Up until now it had all been words and PG-rated signs of endearment. Nothing like the way his hands groped your ass and his teeth grazed against your skin, tongue gliding along your carotid.
“You want me all to yourself?” He asked, mumbling words against your skin, “Because I’m warning you now- I don’t want to share you.”
“All you had to do was say it,” You said weakly, feeling him lift you easily into his arms. You wrapped your legs around his waist instinctively, face directly in front of yours. You gazed down at his lips for a moment before deciding to go for it, kissing him with a desperation you wished you could’ve hidden from Namjoon but it was blatant, washing over you in huge tidal waves that had you rolling against his body with a fever.
You lost track of time, mind consumed with only Namjoon as he fucked you hard.
“Who do you belong to?” He grunted, slamming his hips against yours, a possessive hand on your lower stomach. You moaned, letting him spread your legs even further apart with a hand on your knee, feeling his cock thrust into you over and over again with a reckless pace. He didn’t care about being gentle with you, only fueled by your urges to go harder, faster, rougher. You wanted him bad, that much was apparent.
"Me," You snapped, scowling up at him.
He froze for a minute, breaking character to smile sheepishly down at you, "Fair- Who do I belong to?"
“Me- You're mine,” You said quickly, beaming up at him.
“Next time a guy asks you to dance what are you gonna say?” Namjoon continued, leaning down over you and increasing his speed slightly. His hands felt hot on your skin, burning obsessive touches into your torso and thighs.
“N-no,” You stuttered, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.
“Next time you want something- ask for it. You want me to fuck you rough? Ask.” He scolded, “You want fucking flowers and a candlelit dinner? I’ll do it.”
You nodded feverishly, gasping when you felt his tongue glide across your chest, mouthing at your breasts.
“I fucking adore you, I’ll be more obvious about it from now on, okay?” He grunted, his tone angry but his voice sweet.
“Okay,” You nodded, voice hitching as he bit down on your skin. "Thanks."
“I don’t ever wanna see your ass on another motherfucker again though,” He laughed leaning his forehead against your body.
He looked up at you with a surprisingly earnest look, reminding you why you waited for him to make a move for so long in the first place.
“As long as you don’t ever smile at another girl for the rest of your life,” You swiped sarcastically, sighing in contentment when he laughed and agreed.
Masterlist.
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helenazbmrskai · a month ago
Text
Love Is Blind
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Title: Love is Blind
Pairing: Best Friend’s Brother!Namjoon x Reader
Genre: Best Friend’s Brother AU, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Romance, (tiny bit of) Humour/Crack, College Enemies To Lovers AU
Summary: You swear you didn’t break it on purpose it wasn’t your fault that he left his glasses laying around out there! If anything it’s his fault that he’s not taking better care of his belongings. So why is he being a pain in the ass and demand that you make it up to him!?
Warnings – bantering, we all had that one kid in class who prepares for every class and exactly knows what’s happening and that kid is namjoon, top of the class nerd!namjoon, introvert!reader, one unfortunate accident that leaves joon blind, expensive ass glasses, smut, protected sex (’cause smart is sexy), horny and very virgin!namjoon, sex talk in a nerdy way, you use your panties as a gag because joonie talks big, blindfold used in one scene, kissing, quickie, unintended exhibitionism, switch! namjoon, soft dom! reader
Word Count – (7.4k)
Author Note. Hi! This fic is part of the college enemies 101 collab hosted by @btshoneyhive​​. Check out the other fics in the collab masterlist as we prepared many- many amazing stories for you to read!
Menu: Masterlist l Be part of my permanent taglist to recieve a notification when I upload a new fic!
Taglist: @shyning-star​, @belatona​, @unicornbabylover​, @mwitsmejk​, @agustdjoon​, @jinscharms​, @preciouschimine​, @taeshuworld​, @jjklovetattoos​​, @marilo11​​, @wecanpretendit​​, @moonchild1​,
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Namjoon felt like his heart could go into cardiac arrest any time from now on as he waited with belated breaths. The blindfold irritated the skin of his nose and made his world draped in darkness. He hated the whole experience and was ready to tear it to sheds and run out the front door to his first party ever that Namwoo forced him to attend.
He found it weird when Namwoo guided him into this room. He shouldn’t have believed when he said someone wanted to see him but was too shy to reveal his identity. His brother called her his secret admirer.
He heard the door open and close and someone enters as her high heels created a rhythmical sound against the wooden floor perfectly in sync with his erratically beating heart. He could smell her perfume when she walked closer and it felt familiar. He knows that person but can’t figure out from where.
Namjoon jumped when he felt her lips on his brow. He blushed like crazy since he never got to experience intimate touches as he always put his grades above dating. He didn’t even have his first kiss yet.
Overwhelmed by these sensations he let her kiss the tip of his nose, both of his cheeks and lower until her plump lips met with the skin of his jaw. The smell and sensation of this mystery woman’s lips put him in a trance couldn’t even comprehend how dangerous this situation could be but then his brother set him up with this. He will never do something that might cause him harm so it means that he knows her well enough to entrust his little brother to her. The cogs in his head turned like crazy trying to list everyone that his brother knows.
Thinking gets too hard however when he feels her lips on him. He immediately freezes the hand that he has resting on his knees turn into anxious fists. His first kiss. It wasn’t even a kiss at first, just lips barely touching like she’s trying to figure out if Namjoon hates the feeling or loves it.
She waits and when he doesn’t pull away she captures his lower lip and gently nibbles on the flesh.
His reciprocation is hesitant but evident as he tries to follow her lead. The kiss turns sloppy when she finally gets access to the inside of Namjoon’s mouth and their tongues intertwine hotly.
It’s hard to tell what happened first. If it was Namjoon yelling like a banshee or the sound of something fragile cracking under your weight the minute your bum came into contact with the couch cushions. Everything happened so fast that you had a hard time catching up to the moment visually that led to this situation.
”I’ll fucking ki- fuck. Deep breath. Doesn’t worth the jail time, Namjoon get yourself together.” Namjoon sees red as he clutches the remains of his glasses between his fingers like a madman. The fact that he’s talking about himself in third person worries you. You know he’s angry if the veins on his neck are popping out and his lips are arranged in a straight line it usually means that you’re fucked. You haven’t seen him this angry since Namwoo wrongly accused Namjoon pooping his pants in front of the whole class in kindergarten as a silly prank.
He starts shaking your shoulders with both hands taking advantage of your frozen form as he caught you red-handed, the broken pieces of his source of vision is digging into your skin even through the thick wool jumper you have on.
”I – I told you to not sit there. Have I told you or not? Now, look what you’ve done!”
You let out a long breath that you’ve been holding in from the moment Namjoon approached you, slightly relaxing as you see your best friend emerge from his bedroom to investigate the sudden commotion. Maybe Namjoon will calm down seeing his older brother.
”What on earth is going on here?” You could imagine this in slow motion as he looks from over you to Namjoon and then his eyes finally land on the broken glasses in his brother’s hands. He doesn’t need to be possessed by Sherlock Holmes’ spirit to figure out you’re the culprit and you’re in deep considering the constant furrow of Namjoon’s brows as he examines the damage you inflicted on his poor glasses.
You’re still stunned by Namjoon’s sudden outburst that you can’t find your voice to even apologise before the fuming man slams his bedroom door behind his back, leaving a few small parts of his glasses just laying around on the carpet right before the door as they slipped from his hold.
”It was my fault.”
You sigh once the silence gets too suffocating that you feel the need to say something. Namwoo can tell by your anxious lip-biting that you genuinely feel guilty about what happened.
You keep your eyes fixated on the younger man’s door as if it will magically reveal a smiling Namjoon telling you that this was all a joke and you shouldn’t worry about it. Well, that confirmation that you daydreamed to lessen your guilt never comes as you hear something hitting the floor, probably one of his heavy books as he silently takes out his anger on anything that he can lay his eyes on.
It’s so unlike him. Even though you’re not on the best terms with him he’s really not the violent type. Namwoo looks as surprised as you are seeing this side of him. His brother could tell that Namjoon wasn’t in his greatest moods lately but he didn’t think he’ll actually yell at you.
The incident happened days ago and you’re still avoiding him like the plague. Normally you’re like a leech hanging around with Namwoo in their shared apartment but the house is weirdly quiet as you don’t bother either of him anymore.
Of course, Namwoo knocked on his door soon after you left with your tail between your legs and demanded to know what happened as you only told him that it was your fault. Nothing less nothing more. Later when Namjoon’s head cleared he could see why his brother was angry at how he dealt with you, it’s not like you were causing trouble on purpose. Things have been just a little overwhelming lately.
To help his case (and somewhat validate his reasons) he told his brother that he has been dealing with a cluster headache since last week and with finals crawling upon him he just lost it. He needs to see to study after all. What will he do now?
At that time his anger felt justified those glasses cannot just be replaced that easily. Because of his bad eyesight, he has special glasses to fit his needs and they’re only made by an Irish company, the shipment might take to ten to twelve days to arrive minimum.
It doesn’t mean that he didn’t feel bad at yelling at you. This is why he accepted Namwoo’s suggestion and called a truce between the two of you at least until his new glasses arrive and he could read his books by himself, in peace, without you rolling your eyes at him or whining to read something less boring.
Namjoon wouldn’t admit it if a gun would be held against his temple that he only caught the last sentence of your reading. Too consumed by his thoughts about you and your voice is soothing background music to his ears.
“While I was rushing downward to the lowland before mine eyes did one present himself who seemed from long-continued silence hoarse...”
Your eyes skim through the yellowish text, the hands that are holding the book up are gentle to make sure the old thing won’t fall apart while in your possession. You don’t bother to ask why he has such an old copy of a book that he can just download online.
Your best friend’s brother was always a class A geek (nothing really surprising about that) while you have a bookshelf full of video games on it he has literature books and poems lined up in a specific order that has everything to do with the writer’s initials or whatever.
Namjoon furrows his brow when you stop, he can’t see your expression clearly as you look up but he could tell that you’re annoyed. You think it’s stupid, he can just get the audio version. Why do you have to read it to him? You have better things to do like beat that boss fight in your newest survival horror game that you worked your ass off to buy on steam.
”You’re no fun. Can’t we do something else?” You know that you probably sound like a toddler but you’re already used to Namjoon seeing you that way. A good for nothing, an airhead and so on so it doesn’t matter that much anymore.
If you think of it like that you could almost make yourself believe that it’s the truth. That knowing Namjoon’s opinion on you holds no value to you at the end of the day. Five years ago those same words hurt you but now you got better at masking your real feelings when it comes to your best friend’s younger brother.
You were always a struggling student, average or sometimes a little below that if you’re being honest. Breaking news, not everyone likes to study and you’re one of them. Studying didn’t come easy to you as it came to Namjoon. At first, your little disagreement didn’t seem too much of a problem, at least nothing that you two couldn’t talk it out later and get behind your backs. The emphasis is on at first.
”Can you go somewhere with Y/N tonight? I need to study for this exam and Y/N keeps pestering me about going to the movies. I don’t have time for this but she wouldn’t leave me alone until I agreed.”
This is not what you were expecting to hear when you set foot into their apartment. You never cursed the fact that Namwoo lent you their spare key until now. If you didn’t have it maybe you shouldn’t have to hear the painful words straight from the source.
You were so excited to see this movie with him during the week and you even pampered yourself and dressed up for the occasion. Hearing him say that so apathetically rips your heart in two.
It was Namwoo who suggested you ask him out and even though you were aware that Namjoon doesn’t see it as a date it still felt like a step forward. The older brother looked at the boy in clear annoyance knowing that you talked about today excitedly. He felt bad that he put you up to this.
”Why are you like this to her Joon? She just wants you to enjoy college and not just burrow your nose into your textbooks all the time. Can’t you spare at least today for her?” Namjoon only rolls his eyes at his brother. He has no time to spare he’s already behind his study guide and if he leaves with you today it will mess up his plans even more.
”It’s not my fault she doesn’t give a damn about her falling grades. Do I have to put up with her when all she does is fool around? If anything I’m doing her a favour so she could study and get herself together.”
You wince as his words hit home. You knew that your grades were not the best but every time you sat down to study you just couldn’t. Schoolwork has been stressing you out and you cried a lot about it, but even Namwoo didn’t know about your struggle.
They could hear the front door slam shut a clear indication that they weren’t as alone as they thought they were. It was that moment when Namjoon knew that you heard every word he said.
On days when you venture to dangerous territories in your head, thinking about you and Namjoon’s weird relationship you come across a lot of whys and what-ifs. Namwoo told you just last week that you should make a permanent truce as he doesn’t like to see his brother and his best friend be on bad terms because of a little conflict that happened almost five years ago. As expected, however, neither of you addressed the issue. College was a madhouse on its own. It was always easier to ignore each other than bare your feelings that’s just a recipe to get hurt at the end.
Your dropout was a huge thing, that half-year that you spent home doing particularly nothing really made you set your priorities straight. In the end, Namjoon was right. You couldn’t do it.
Life is never easy be that love or school or just life in general. It doesn’t matter what you do rocks will sometimes block your way and the bravest thing that you can do is go with the flow until you feel like fighting again.
You leant to pick up your pieces, you drilled it into your head that success in school is not everything and it hell sure doesn’t define who you are or how intelligent a person truly is. You managed to pick up your studies where you left off, you needed the degree and you worked your ass off to get it but it meant that you couldn’t keep up with Namwoo and had to make new friends with the class that was different from yours. He never stopped believing in you and you’ll be forever grateful to him.
”Y/N, are you listening to me? Jeez. I said. Next. Page.” You roll your eyes as you hear Namjoon’s demand ring in your ears, finding you in the void of your own thoughts. You didn’t realise how out of it you were until he stood up and shook your shoulders gently to get your attention. Unlike when he shook you after you broke his glasses. If he wore them though he would have probably pushed it further up on the bridge of his nose like he always does when he’s feeling frustrated.
Right. His glasses. This is how you come into the picture.
You swear you didn’t break it on purpose it wasn’t your fault that he left his glasses laying around out there! If anything it’s his fault that he’s not taking better care of his belongings.
So why is he being a pain in the ass and demand that you make it up to him!? You do nothing else these days just follow Namjoon around like a lost puppy around campus and you hate it.
You were the happiest person on earth when you finally graduated. You couldn’t fathom the feeling of wanting to continue studying and get a doctorate like Namjoon. Especially that you see how stressed out he sometimes gets from the pressure. Back in the days, you tried to make him loosen up, you pestered him to go out with you and have fun in your freshman years. It would be a lie if you said you didn’t want him to have fun solely just to help with his workload and stress but deep down you were hoping that he’ll notice you if you spent enough time with him.
Everyone and their mother knew about your little crush on him. Except for Namjoon who always regarded you as his older brother’s lousy best friend.
”W- Who are you?” Namjoon pants heavily into your mouth as your lips part after the passionate lip-locking. Your lips tremble and your fingers tighten in his ash-blond hair for a moment longer.
You kiss him instead of answering and he follows you, leans into your touch as you draw him in like he’s a moth and you’re his flame.
You moan his name breathlessly when he boldly finds your neck in his blind exploration. His nose caresses your skin as he searches for your lips but he’s satisfied to lick your throbbing pulse under his warm mouth.
The spell breaks when you pull away, your hand is on your mouth to seal more words from coming out of it. You’re scared that he’ll be able to tell who you are by studying the tone of your voice and you suddenly chicken out.
You were supposed to confess to him tonight, but you don’t.
He tells you what to do all the time and has so many demands and you can’t even call him out on it because technically he’s blind without his glasses (and on top of that it was your fault).
You never realised that he has that fancy very custom made glasses that take weeks to arrive from a freaking foreign country. The only reason that you’re not leaving him to go fuck himself is that he never made you pay for the new glasses and you feel guilty in a sense. They’re loaded it’s not about the money per se.
You don’t know if the glass itself is made out of diamonds or some shit considering the cost that would cover your rent for an entire year (the money that you currently don’t have laying around in your pockets like ever) you’re painfully broke all the time so paying him back that way was out of the question.
Actually, it was Namwoo’s idea that you become his eyes till his new glasses arrive. It was his grand scheme to make you two get along better and Namjoon being the little shit he is, he accepted. Fun fact, your relationship is not getting better, there’s literally no improvement and it turned into a game of who will get a rise out of the other sooner. Spending more time together just gets you easier against each other’s throats. You have a love-hate relationship with this new dynamic as you always liked to be close to him and just admire his side profile from afar but hate that you can’t have a decent conversation about any topic.
Your friends even bet that by the end of this month you two will either kiss or kill each other. You decide, they said. It will be fun, they said.
Judging from the stunt that you pulled by destroying his glasses with your fat ass makes kissing him look impossible, leaving it entirely out of the equation. If anything Namjoon hates you even more than before.
You thought a lot about the bet and about what happened five years ago that even Namjoon realised that you were kind of distant these past few days (more as usual). You didn’t argue with him as you used to and your silence was driving him up the wall. In reality, you’re just getting tired of picking up a fight with him.
Normally he would take it as a small victory since you stopped annoying the shit out of him most of the time but there’s something else that he doesn’t like to admit even to himself. That he’s a little worried that you don’t act like yourself. You’re lost in your head more times than not.
Even before you were never close but it was different in the sense that you greeted each other with half smiles and could hold a conversation for a few minutes if needed. Namjoon suddenly wonders what went wrong from that point.
Even to this day, you can’t say with full honesty that you hate Kim Namjoon. He hurt your feelings in the heat of the moment but it’s still not enough to fully say that you don’t have any remaining feelings for him and that’s the worst part because you can’t even get over him by hating his guts.
Sitting next to him and typing down his notes are not fun at all. You’re this close to just yeet yourself out of his window if you have to listen to him talk about Greek mythology and shit for one more hour.
Remind you that you started this study session with him five hours ago with no breaks in between and when you started munching on some snacks to kill time he shushed you because apparently, you’re distracting him with your loud chewing. You seriously need a break or you will break something.
Namwoo is out on his blind date and you’re bored to death.
”I’m hungry, I’ll go to the convenience store down the block. Be right back.” You announce to Namjoon who barely gives you the time of the day by looking up for a millisecond before he resumes his reading. You will rather die than admit that he looks cute at this moment, book up his nose literally to make out the words. He can’t fool you, you’re aware that not wearing his glasses but using his eyes, all the same, made his headache a lot worse. He pops pills every morning to deal with the pain and you’re getting concerned but know better than to mention to him that he needs a break.
The last time you told him he needs a break resulted in him telling you to fuck off and mind your own business.
”I still need you to type these down.” He showed you his detailed notes, by now knowing that he uses green highlights to make the base concept stand out and uses red sharpies to signal he still needs to revise those parts.
”I’ll be quick I promise. I’ll be here all night finishing everything you tell me to but please can’t I just take a break for fifteen minutes?” You’re pleading, your head will literally fall off if you keep watching the computer screen any longer.
This time Namjoon looks up. He knows that he gets too absorbed in his work that he forgets he has needs like eat or drink from time to time. He hasn’t realised that he made you work for long hours without letting you take a break.
”Ok, Let’s go.” You’re surprised when he stands up looking for his jacket. You didn’t think he’ll join you but you don’t say anything in case he suddenly changes his mind. You wait for him by the door with your shoes on as he grabbed a small list from the fridge.
”Where’s your jacket?” You halt your movements when he suddenly asks, you look back to gauge his reactions before you reply.
”Oh, I left without one. I didn’t think the weather will be this cold today but it’s fine. The store is not far away.” You shrug like it’s not a big deal and in your book, it really isn’t. You’re like a polar bear you have a high tolerance when it comes to cold.
You’re left alone by the door again with confusion written across your features until Namjoon comes back and tosses you his old jacket.
You remember this one, he wore it a lot in freshman year it was his favourite and he looked really good in it.
”I’m fine though.” You look at him like a deer caught in headlights. The gesture catches you off guard as this is the nicest thing he has done for you in a long while.
”Wear it and let’s go. We need to come back by eight or we have to work till ten today.” You hastily pull the jacket on you as soon as you hear him.
”Let’s go then what are we waiting for!” Namjoon laughs when he sees the panic in your eyes, he always knew that you hate studying but your reactions are truly comical. When it comes to studying Namjoon withdraws into his room or look for a silent corner in the library. He was never productive in study groups he prefers to work alone but since you joined him he finds himself looking at you occasionally.
He regretted telling you those words but he never got to apologise to you about it as you started to avoid him after that.
”Namjoon!”
He hears his name first then feel something pull him back just in time when a car passes him. He didn’t realise he has been walking next to you without looking around. You both heard the angry driver’s curses as he passed.
”The traffic light shows red! Are you ok? You’re not hurt are you?” You made him face you a little farther away from the crossroad.
Your face is so close that Namjoon can see the worry etched into your expression perfectly clear, you look over his body like you search for any injury. Not that you will find any as you managed to pull him back before something could happen to him. You saved him from someone running over him with a car.
”Don’t scare me like that!” Your sudden outburst renders the boy silent, shocked that you seem to care for him this much when all he did was be distant and rude to you. After the incident that created bad blood between the two of you, he dearly regretted his words. He was angry and stressed but it doesn’t mean he had the right to say that.
Your next action is on impulse alone as you tug him close to your chest and hug him like your life is depending on it until you catch yourself and pull back like his skin burnt you. He tried not to look hurt when you turned away so quickly but he knows he deserved it. If you looked at him long enough he could have seen your ears turn red.
The walk to the store is filled with awkward silence as you don’t know what to say or how to act but you keep your body closer to his in case something like that happens again. Namjoon can’t really see without his glasses so his gaze is fixed on the ground and follows your lead throughout the whole journey. His heart starts to beat faster and faster as he keeps thinking about the hug you shared.
”What happened?” Namwoo asks you as your whole face flushes red. You keep your eyes on the ground and tell your best friend to go inside and undo the blindfold before you quickly run away from his further interrogation.
He finds his younger brother sitting at the edge of the bed but his ears are red and he constantly bites his lip. Looking at this dishevelled hair and kiss swollen lips he could tell that not many words were exchanged between you two.
”What happened?” He asks the same question from Namjoon but he looks completely out of it for long minutes as if his thoughts are all over the place.
”S- She kissed me.” That’s all he says for a while until he shakes his head and looks his brother into his eyes. ”Nevermind. Let’s go I’m feeling tired.” The sibling could tell that’s a lie but doesn’t try to push it.
”Don’t you- don’t you want to know who she is?” Namwoo can’t contain his curiosity no matter how hard he tries.
”No. I don’t have the time to date. It’s best if she doesn’t get her hopes up.” Namwoo nods. He decides to not tell you this but also promises not to try to get you and his brother together anymore. Who knows. Maybe one day Namjoon will get the stick out of his ass and realise that the world doesn’t revolve around school and grades. He misses out on the beautiful things in life and love is one of them.
Namjoon has been acting weird since you two went to the store together last week. You barely talk anymore. You should have seen it coming though.
He got the replacement for his glasses on the weekend which meant that you no longer needed to trail him to school or spend time with him holed up in his room and revise and type.
You somehow miss it but you make sure to concentrate on your work again. You neglected your duties to help him study for his final exam and things are coming to bite you in the ass. Namjoon is busy too. It is normal for him to shut everyone and everything out until he takes his tests and if it weren’t for Namwoo making him food and leaving water bottles on his desk he would have died.
Namwoo is getting ready for a night out with you in his room blow-drying his hair quickly after his shower. He persuaded you to go to the new arcade as you share your love for video games. You were dying to go there but helping out Namjoon meant that you were behind your tasks it doesn’t mean that you were not ready to have some fun. Your work will wait for you so you said you’ll make it.
It will be a good distraction as well considering that Namjoon has been living rent-free in your mind again after spending time with him.
Looking at the time Namwoo gets his car keys and tiptoes out of his room. Namjoon scolded him for being too loud around the house so he tried to be silent like a cat. It will be one more week and his unhealthy coping with stress can be finally over. He just needs to hold out until then.
At the last minute, he decides to check on him like the good brother that he is but what he finds makes his mind short circuit. It was the first mistake. Everything was too quiet, Namwoo thought that maybe he fell asleep so he cracked open the door. He needed some time to get used to the darkness but he eventually saw Namjoon’s silhouette sitting at the edge of the bed with his back facing the door.
He was about to call out to him to turn the lights on if he doesn’t want his vision to get even worse but then he heard it. His brother was not reading in the dark like he initially thought.
He heard a moan. Namwoo shook his head and closed the door it was normal and Namjoon is a man in his twenties.
”Fuck. Y/N.”
Namwoo froze as he heard his best friend’s name come out of his younger brother’s mouth. He gagged as if someone could see him make a face full of disgust after the shock finally wore off.
He snickered to himself while slowly closing the front door. Meeting your best friend in front of the arcade you could tell something was up the minute you saw Namwoo smirking like he holds the answer to the biggest mystery of the universe.
”Why do I feel like you’re about to say something stupid.” You eye him warily as he fakes being offended.
Namwoo refuses to tell you what’s so funny until you finish playing all the games. It’s the most fun you had in a while. Tired but extremely curious you two sit and wait for the bartender to make your drinks. He leans closer all of a sudden to whisper into your ears out of the bartender’s earshot.
”I heard something interesting today before I left to meet you. Do you want to hear it?”
You narrow your eyes as you could tell it has something to do with his brother. You’re too curious to find out to refuse though.
”Spill.” You sigh. Ready to hear everything but that. Your eyes open wide that your friend is worried they’ll pop out of their sockets. Seeing your mortified reaction he can’t keep his laughter inside anymore.
”Now you’re just fucking with me!” You clearly don’t believe a word he said. Namjoon moaning your name while masturbating? Huh! Aliens descending the planet will happen sooner than that!
”I’m serious! I heard him loud and clear! He said ’fuck, Y/N’ but imagine it in a sultry tone and moan right after.”
”I- It can be another Y/N. It’s a common name.” You shrug trying to appear nonchalant. You don’t want to get your hopes up just to give him the power to crush it yet again. Maybe Namwoo heard him wrong.
”You’re the only Y/N he knows!” Your friend argues with you but you don’t budge on your opinion.
Nothing really changes after that. You keep your distance in case Namjoon is still mad at you for breaking his glasses but Namwoo’s birthday party is approaching incredibly fast as you bury yourself into work.
So why is that time doesn’t fly so fast when you have to mingle with the guests knowing that Namjoon is here somewhere. You can’t avoid him at his own brother’s birthday party. Speak of the devil as you catch his eyes on you from across the room. Somehow you always sense where he is in a crowded room.
What surprises you is that he doesn’t look away as soon as your eyes meet. There’s something different in the way he watches you.
Namwoo guides you by a hand on your waist and the man could easily tell that Namjoon fixes his eyes on the contact with a slight furrow to his brows. Oh my. Who could have thought that his little brother can be jealous? He can definitely work with that. The mischievous boy makes sure to whisper into your ears and dance super close to you until a blood vessel pops on his little bro’s forehead.
”Y/N. Can we talk for a second?” You nod your head without a second thought too flustered from the alcohol to overthink how Namjoon grabs your hand and guides you between the guests until you see the door to his bedroom.
”Are you dating my brother?” Namjoon doesn’t beat around the bush. The alcohol makes him act brave as he pushes you against his door from inside, the party is silenced as all you can hear is your own heart beating like crazy inside your ribcage.
”Namwoo? Dating? What are you talking about?” You look into his dark brown eyes feeling lost. Why would he think you’re dating his brother? He’s been your best friend for six or so years and besides you only have eyes for his younger sibling that’s right in front of you pushing you against the door like you’re the main protagonist of a rom-com. This doesn’t make any sense.
”Don’t play dumb. He’s being all over you the whole night.” You gulp as you feel his body flush against you. The scent of his body wash messes with your head as he leans incredibly close for comfort. It takes a while for you to realise what’s really going on.
”What is with you calling me dumb all the time?” You’re getting angry as he doesn’t state his point straight. This time it’s you who pushes him. You back him until his calfs hit the side of his bed.
There’s something that flashes in his eyes an emotion that you know too well. Guilt.
”I don’t think you’re dumb.” Namjoon cups your face gently, you could feel his fingers trembling from nerves so you put your hand on his and close your eyes to get your emotions in check.
”I regret saying that. I know it’s late but I’m sorry.” You nod your head acknowledging his words but keeping your eyes closed. It feels unreal. You’re afraid that if you open your eyes he’ll suddenly disappear.
”I think I like you. I can’t stop thinking about you even when I’m studying I hate that you’re not there anymore.”
You slowly open your eyes when you feel his thumb caress your cheeks tenderly. His breath mingles with yours for a moment before you lean in first.
The memory of you that night comes crashing back. The smell of your perfume and the taste of your tongue in his mouth. All too familiar not to realise that you’re the woman who stole his first kiss in freshman year. The woman that he couldn’t stop thinking about for years.
”It’s you.” He whispers the words into your open mouth but you cut him off by devouring his lips before he could say anything else. His lack of experience shows but you pay it no mind as you bask in the feel of his reciprocation. This time there’s no blindfold. Just you and him.
You kiss down his neck impatiently suddenly unable to control the need to eat him all up and he lets you.
Namjoon mewls when you suck your mark onto the column of his throat, commanding him in your breathy tone that he raises his hands so you can get rid of his shirt and continue your exploration without the fabric constantly in your way.
”Are you nervous? Do you want to stop?” You stop everything you’re doing to make sure it’s something that he wants.
”No.” He shakes his head without hesitation on his part.
”I know you’re a virgin but I’ll guide you so just relax.” Your smile meets with an arch of his brows. He momentarily gets distracted by your lips on his stomach but soon remembers what he wanted to tell you.
”Me being a virgin doesn’t mean that I don’t know what to do.” Namjoon flips you over so that your back hits the bed. You help him take off your pants and underwear, curious what’s he’s planning to do as he has that determined expression that you love watching on him as it takes over his features when he concentrates.
You’re surprised when he pulls a bottle of lube out of the drawer from his desk, joining you on his bed a moment later.
He squeezes a small amount onto his fingers you watch every movement of this as if he put a spell on you. Your slick is there when he makes you open your legs showing him your sticky folds.
You moan when his fingers come into contact with your heat he smears the cold liquid around your opening and clit. His long fingers are gentle but full of purpose as he rubs your clit in slow circles.
”Finding a clit doesn’t mean that you’re an expert Mr. smart ass.” You’re proud of yourself for pushing out the whole sentence without stuttering as Namjoon applies more pressure to his rubbing.
”There’s a book on sexual intercourse and I know everything about the male and female anatomy. I’m just saying that I’m not clueless just because I haven’t experienced it.” Throughout his explanation, Namjoon keeps his hands steady as he massages your sensitive nub watching how your pretty hole flutters as it remains empty. Exploring your cunt with long drags of his fingers in up and down motions makes your hips jump as he learns silently where you like to be touched most.
Namjoon doesn’t understand why you roll your eyes at him when he’s being honest but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it much as you change your position pulling his hand away from your cunt to pin both of his wrists next to his head with your naked body on top of him.
Your eyes search for something between the sheets he grows curious what that might be but his eyes widen once you find it and you stuff his mouth full with your panties. His moan is muffled by the material when you lean down to mark up his neck with newfound fervour. He keeps whimpering as you descend lower on his body closer to his aching clothed cock.
”Knowledge doesn’t mean anything if you can’t apply it in action.” Seeing your smirk Namjoon feels his cock twitch inside his jeans. The fact that you’re never afraid to put him in his place turns him on.
You pull his pants down with a devilish grin. The sensation of your bare cunt rubbing on his virgin cock feels a lot better than what his books described.
You feel so warm and puffy surrounding his shaft he can’t make an intellectual guess how it will feel once he gets to be inside your tight walls. Now he can clearly understand the appeal of having sex. Or maybe it feels good because it’s with you.
You know you should take your time. Taste him. Tease him. But Namwoo’s party going on full blast in the distance is not the place nor time that you should drag things out. Feel how good his length could fill your mouth can wait another day or two but you’re a little impatient to have his dick in your pussy and after tonight you have all the time of the world for you to show him how good you could take him down your throat.
Namjoon whines when you pull away he’s ready to protest but settles down when he sees you get a condom from your jeans back pocket. You were not going to use it Namwoo just stuffed it inside your jeans in the middle of the party but now you feel thankful that you have it.
So you don’t hesitate before you guide his cock between your folds after you roll the condom down his length. The extra lube makes the glide comfortable for both of you. You feel incredible to him even with the thin barrier.
Your panties in his mouth make a good job at concealing his moans as you bounce on Namjoon’s lap switching up the pace of your thrusts so you could delay his inevitable end. The door is locked so you don’t stop when the handle jingles drunk giggles are heard but fade away soon as they realise the room is occupied.
Namjoon feels like he almost couldn’t handle the sensible movements of your hips he can feel his cock so deep in you. He grips his bedsheets tightly as you ride him at a moderate pace, not too slow but not too fast so you could feel every vein and ridge of his cock move inside you.
You suddenly stop your body weight rests on top of him to keep his hips immobile so he can’t thrust up into your stretched pussy. You remove your panties from his mouth as he couldn’t answer your questions otherwise.
”You have to keep quiet like this. You don’t want your brother to know that you’re fucking his best friend on his birthday do you?” Namjoon shakes his head vehemently. Squeezes his eyes shut when you resume your movements fucking yourself with his cock as you own it alongside his pleasure.
”Are you close? Do you want to cum?” You whisper the words directly into his ears, your hips moving in circles instead to maintain the closeness. Namjoon bites his lip hard to keep his voice down. He knows you’re slowing down on purpose when he feels himself teeter around the edge of his orgasm.
”Yes!” The boy under you answers immediately without an ounce of hesitation in his broken voice. His virgin cock can only handle that much before he’s ready to burst.
However, you pull him back every time with a foxlike grin on your lips. You’re the devil itself. You make him watch his buttery cock slid in and out of your tight walls. He can feel your arousal mixed with the lube he used on you earlier sliding down his balls he can’t help but moan loudly when the visual of his dick buried so deep in your cunt gets too much to handle with the feeling of having anything else around him that’s not his hands for the first time ever.
You let him have a taste of sweet release after denying it from him for a final time, ropes of his hot cum fill the condom while his cock is deep in your pussy as you ride him into oversensitivity.
The gentle way you card your fingers through his sweaty hair is what gets him off the heights of the clouds.
”We’ll cut the cake in ten minutes get yourselves together until then!” You both jump when you hear Namwoo’s voice filtering through the door. Namjoon avoids your eyes sheepishly but pulls your sweaty body closer making you rest your whole weight on top of him with his soft cock still nestled inside.
”You think he heard us?” Namjoon pales when he hears your question but all you can do is laugh at his pain. Yes, he most definitely heard.
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sopebubbles · a month ago
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Banner by @yoongiofmine
Synopsis: Campus activist Yn was only looking for a one night stand with campus fuckboy Namjoon, but they're both in for more than they bargained for, with many lessons for both to learn along the way.
Status: updates every other day, midday US
Pairing: fuckboy!Namjoon × feminist!reader | side pairings: Taehyung × Jimin, maybe others
Genre: social media au + writing (it's actually a lot of writing to be considered strictly smau but hey, smut), college au, smut, plot with porn, angst
Themes: e2l? Student life, me being on my soapbox about how men are trash
Warnings: this whole au is adult content, NSFW, 18+, CHILDREN KEEP OUT. A lot of sex and alcohol. Mentions of rape.
Disclaimers
Character profiles: yn, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jin, Jungkook, Lisa, Jennie and Rose
Chapters:
One: they aren't orgies
Two: down ✏
Three: sex positive
Four: nosy bitch
Five: love yourself, bitch
Six: you up?
Seven: do what you do
Eight: no straight guys 🎉
Nine: shape of you✏
Ten: dickmatized
Eleven: moonchild
Twelve: juice
Thirteen: a terrible surprise
Fourteen: dangerous woman✏
Fifteen: a sexy mouse
Sixteen: that den of iniquity
Seventeen: shivers ✏
Eighteen: 👀 yourself Jimin
Bonus: who the hell am I?
Nineteen: nerd kink
Twenty: rumors
Twenty-one: brownies
Twenty-two: love me harder ✏
More soon
Authors notes:
Kim Jisoo is the face claim for yn. I don't really listen to blackpink, but the other girl's are her friends bc I wanted yn to have girlfriends for once.
This takes place at an American university and will reflect many aspect of American college life (though of course there's not typical experience). Sometimes I write their names in the American style and I promise it hurt me too.
The Beta Tau Sigma boys have a betting system where the standard bet is changing hair color, chosen by the maker of the bet. They can only change their hair through another bet or cutting their hair after 2 weeks of punishment.
Of you notice I say plot with porn. I try never to use sex in my stories without it serving the story in some way. In this one, the sex scenes always serve as a barometer for how their relationship is changing and who they are to themselves and each other at that point in the story. I do hope it's also 🥵
I'm sure I'll think of more soon.
Taglist: @halesandy @burningupp-replies @lilacdreams-00 @lilacdreams-00 @yoongiofmine @yonkimint @wholockian1 @lyra0cassiopeia @hobizi @bri-mal @41purpose
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v-hope · a month ago
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"So you'd dump me for... What's his name again? Seabass?" "Sebastian. " "You don't even deny it..."
This one is so fucking funny. You can choose whoever, but you know my #1 bias 👀 (I think seabass would suit him well)
🇫🇮
pairing: kim namjoon x reader
genre: fluff, humor (if you consider this humor lol)
prompt: “so you'd dump me for... what's his name again? seabass?” “sebastian” “you don't even deny it...”
a/n: i hope i got your ult right :/ lmao just kidding, i’ve seen way too many of your breakdowns over the namtiddies not to know. hope you enjoy!
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“Don’t go…”
It wasn’t usual for your fiancé to be so needy, but when he was, he could end up being the most determined person to make you stay.
Right now? Right now, his arms were tightly wrapped around your waist as you helplessly tried to get out of bed — his body being dragged to the edge of the bed for a moment as you tried to pull out of his embrace, only to have you fall back down onto the mattress, given his strength overpowered yours.
“You know,” you began, pushing a messy strand of hair off your face. “Some people need to work to be able to pay rent by the end of the month”.
“You can be a stay at home wife, I don’t mind” his words earned a glare from you. “Or do you prefer the term trophy wife?”
“Namjoon!”
“Just stay with me today” he whined, tightening his hold on you and resting his face on your chest when he felt you try to get up once again. “I haven’t had a day off on ages, you weren’t supposed to go to work today”.
He was right. The both of you knew today would be his day off, and you had asked to take the day off at work as well, which had been granted to you — or, well, at least at first, for then a foreign guy had joined your team and your boss had asked you to train him for the day, since you were the best at what you did.
So, here you were now, left alone to deal with one whiny hell of a fiancé and no day off to enjoy with him.
“I just need to go teach the new guy how his new position at the company will work,” you tried to reason. “I’ll try to be as quick as I can so I get to come home early and spend the rest of the day with you, okay?”
Namjoon pouted. “Can’t believe you’re spending the day with another guy”.
“Yah!” you lightly shoved him at his dramatic words. “I have to do it”.
“Is he attractive?” he wondered, no longer resting on your chest but locking eyes with you instead. “Maybe I could go with you. I know English very well, I could communicate with him better”.
“I believe my English is just fine, if not better than yours” the way you had playfully stuck your tongue out had him amusedly rolling his eyes. “I’ll be fine. And I’ll let you know whether he’s handsome or not after I meet him” you joked.
“What if he is handsome” he raised one of his eyebrows.
You shrugged, a taunting smirk curving up the corners of your mouth at the accusing look he was giving you right then.
Needy Joon equaled jealous Joon. And, God, did you enjoy whenever jealous Joon made an appearance.
“Would you dump me for him?” he pushed it, and you could see the confident smile that was starting to show up on his face — jealous or not, he knew you would not leave him, not for anyone.
But two could be confident. So, you said nothing, instead just having your lips part into a smile as you could no longer hold back a throaty laugh.
Namjoon tried his best not to let out a laugh of his own as well, somehow managing to keep his serious semblance. “Oh, so you would dump me for… What was his name again? Seabass?”
“Sebastian” you corrected. “Thought you were good enough in English to know Seabass is not an actual name?”
“You don’t even deny it…”
“Yah, Kim Namjoon!” you tackled him down on the mattress. “We’re getting married next month, you should know by now that I am not leaving you for the world”.
He smiled sweetly, dimples forming on his cheeks and hands holding your hips. “You promise?”
“I promise” you smiled as well. “Who else would give me the chance to be a trophy wife if I ever wanted to quit my job?”
That had him throwing his head back as a throaty laugh escaped his mouth. Once he let all his amusement out, he was back to looking at you, his thumb gently rubbing your cheek before he pulled you in for his lips to gently trap your bottom one.
“Stay here…” he pleaded once more.
“It’s literally just work,” you mumbled against his mouth. “I will be back home before you know it”.
“Or you could just not go at all” his words came out in more of a whisper as his lips temptingly brushed on yours.
“Mm…” you pretended to consider it for a second, allowing his lips to press on yours once more. “Nope, I definitely can’t skip work just like that”.
Letting out a heavy sigh as he knew there was no changing your mind, he slumped down on bed, finally losing his hold on you — lips instinctively turning into a pout when you pressed one last kiss to his mouth before you could go get ready for the day.
“Don’t take too long” his eyes followed you as you made your way to the door. “And you better let Seabass know you’re engaged”.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure Seabass will notice the ring on my finger”.
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suga-kookiemonster · 2 months ago
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satisfy 04
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summary⇢ “listen,” taehyung says, eyes wide and eager as he smiles at you. “i figure we can just help each other out. i scratch your back, you scratch mine.” but when you find yourself suddenly in need of a massive favor, exactly how much scratching are you willing to do? pairing⇢ seokjin/reader, namjoon/reader, taehyung/reader, …..jimin/reader word count⇢ 10.6k genre⇢ smut | escort!au | ceo!au (kinda) warnings⇢ sexual content, rough sex, dom/sub dynamics, daddy kink 👀, spanking, light degradation, light humiliation, light choking, exhibitionism, hair pulling, cumplay, creampie, pussy slapping, namjoon’s a little mean but you offended him so 👀
a/n⇢ i absolutely did not intend to take this long between updates ☠️☠️ idk how time passed so quickly while i was working on other stuff, but here we finally are! happy belated birthday, joonie!!! ily, my day 1, my virgo bf 💕 mood for this chapter is this. hope you enjoy!!
chapters⇢ previous | next | series masterlist
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Seokjin had you the most consistently.
The next couple months passed by almost in a fever dream. On the surface, things were normal—you went to class, you studied, you hung out with your friends when time would allow. Exactly the same as it’s always been.
But you knew the parts that were invisible to the outside looking in. Like how all of your free time was now taken up by your new (rich, impossibly handsome) employers. How your definition of a normal night had quickly shifted from browsing Netflix to spreading yourself for Kim Seokjin’s eager mouth.
Seokjin fucked you every Thursday, just as the two of you scheduled. To your surprise, he continued to be just as attentive a lover as the first time you had given him your body, always seeming to revel in making you feel good. But in addition to your scheduled meet ups, he’d asked you twice over the past few weeks to accompany him to company events. And it was during those nights that you truly started to understand what he got out of his arrangement with you.
Those nights, you got dressed up in the gorgeous designer dress that you had picked from the list Wendy had sent you (already curated to your previously-provided tastes). The supplied dress and shoes were all extremely flattering and always fit you like a glove, because your measurements had long been taken and tailors were sent, if necessary.
As always, your main objective was simply to support him. To walk the room with him when requested, a careful manicured hand in the crook of his elbow. To fill the space next to him during any sit down dinners. The expected eye candy for such an affluent bachelor, you supposed. Though Seokjin never made you feel as such—always the perfect gentleman, always getting you drinks, always including you in conversation, when appropriate.
But these dinners highlighted the distinct difference to you. The difference between the man who had cooked for you and this one—the man who was oh so careful and calculating with his words; the man who schmoozed, who smiled and laughed without humor—was stark. And it was at these dinners that you started to understand the need for that dichotomy. Kim Seokjin was a smart man—he saw those corporate dinners for exactly what they were. He wasn’t deluded enough to believe that these social events were anything short of war, and he was a man always ready for battle.
As his ever-present companion, it would be hard for you not to notice. The snide remarks made by crotchety old men, the petty comments muttered under their breath, just loud enough to ensure you could hear. But beyond the slight tightening of a hand on his glass, you never saw Seokjin react. He was the picture of perfect grace, simply smiling in a way that clued the board members in that he was onto their little game. Simply giving the correct answers to their outwardly benign yet clearly spiteful questions.
It was when the events were over, when the chauffeur would drive the two of you back to Seokjin’s condo, that his impeccable mask of composure would start to crack. When you started to see just how tightly wound these ordeals truly made him.
The first time, he had been on you before the elevator doors had even shut properly, mouth slotting against yours with an intensity that had caught you by surprise. He had walked you backward, licking your lips open as his hands pushed up the hem of your dress and freely roamed underneath. That night, he had laid you down and ate you out until you cried.
This was how he destressed, you came to realize. Seokjin loved to play your body like a fiddle, to guide you to the peaks of pleasure and keep you there for as long as he so pleased. And, as you quickly learned, the best way for him to melt away any of his frustrations was to be balls deep in you—just like tonight. Tonight, you were thankful he lived on the top floor and no one was on the other side of the wall the headboard was loudly and rhythmically rattling against. Thankful that no one was witness to how he was hard he was riding you. Slowly, but forcefully, the way he had hooked your ankles over his shoulders ensuring he hit deep. Making sure you would feel every last bit of his massive cock.
You were exhausted, whole body jelly from the three orgasms he had already coaxed out of you. But still he wasn’t sated, whispering praise and reassurances against your fevered skin. Eagerly swallowing your whimpers, sweetly begging you to gift him with one more, just one more, sweetheart. Smiling when a sure thumb rolling against your clit finally resulted in your jaw falling slack, back bowing as your pussy locked a vice around him.  
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Taehyung had you most often.
As a member of your social circle, he simply had the easiest access to you. Even if he didn’t always reach out to you directly, he still went to all the same movie nights and dinners and bar meetups as you did, so the end result was exactly the same—him and you. Alone.
After your first night together, Tae rapidly became comfortable with your new relationship dynamic. He didn’t necessarily act differently toward you in front of the others—there were no lingering touches, no out of pocket comments full of innuendo. (Sometimes, if he caught your eye, he would smirk knowingly or send you a cheeky wink, but none of this was out of character for him, and so if anyone else saw it, they thought nothing of it.) But as soon as the two of you were remotely alone or out of earshot, he was liable to casually bring up something he would like to try. And since you had proven yourself to be so openminded when it came to what he liked, he had no qualms about discussing this with you whenever the mood struck him.
(“White,” he murmured in your ear one night at dinner, smoothly handing you a $100 bill while your companions were busy arguing over which appetizer to order. It was a change of pace to sit next to him instead of Jimin, but Tae had slid into the booth next to you before the other man could react.
Your resulting nod was one of both confirmation and approval, and you quickly put the money into your purse. But unfortunately, the exchange had not gone by completely unnoticed.
Jungkook perked up, holding his hand over the table expectantly and waggling his fingers. “You gonna gimme some of that, since you’re handing out free money?”
“I owe her for lunch,” Taehyung lied with a scoff, rolling his eyes for good measure.
The redhead reluctantly retracted his appendage, his excitement visibly dimmed. Jimin didn’t say anything, but you hadn’t missed the slight, pensive scrunch of his brows.)
Despite your frequency of meet ups, the two of you did not always have sex. One of the things Taehyung had admitted to you early on was that he enjoyed giving foot massages. And since you enjoyed receiving them, it was a no-brainer that you would allow him to infiltrate your busy schedule more easily—so long as he didn’t interrupt whatever you already had planned for the night. With that mindset, it soon became rather common for the two of you to be found sitting on your couch together on a weeknight, your feet in his lap while you studied. Taehyung, ever considerate, wouldn’t say much as you completed your reading, content to sit in silence as his large, strong hands pressed into your flesh. And honestly? It was pretty relaxing. Helped keep at bay the always hovering cloud of stress from your schoolwork. Kind of helped you to wind down from the day. So you kept saying yes whenever he asked, and he kept showing up with takeout from whatever restaurant you were feeling that particular night, and you kept doing whatever assignment you had planned while trying to suppress any audible sounds of pleasure from escaping you.
There was always a much higher probability of the night being derailed by much more…carnal activities if Tae could clock your interest.
One thing you learned early on not to agree to without planning for it beforehand was pedicures. Though every week or two he already provided you with money to visit professionals and keep things spicy, one day Taehyung had rather shyly asked you if you would be comfortable with him painting your nails instead. Seeing no harm in the request, you had easily agreed. But you had clearly underestimated how much the act would work your friend up, because he had barely finished haphazardly polishing one foot before his tongue had somehow found itself meandering up its sole. Before his hand was down your pants, before your panties were pulled to the side, before he was buried to the hilt in your guts.
After the first couple times this happened, you learned to be strategic to when you agreed to this request. Taehyung asking to paint your toenails almost always ended up in sex you had not always set aside time for, so you mentally sorted this into the scheduled activities pile.
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And Namjoon? To your complete bafflement—despite months of meeting up with him—he still hadn’t had you at all.
Maybe he was asexual? Honestly, the true reason was probably exactly why you had been wary when Taehyung had proposed the arrangement to you in the first place—the man simply didn’t want to have sex with you. Which made total sense, considering he was such a catch. Rich? Handsome? And a genuinely nice and respectful guy who didn’t fit the cocky, insufferable mold men of his status tended to occupy? Why would he even need to look in your direction?
…But why would he bother with the arrangement in the first place if either of those reasons were the case? Why agree to tie himself to you when he could have literally anyone he wanted? When he could have asked his brothers to pick someone else who was more suited to his tastes?
It made you feel a bit off-kilter, to be honest. With Jin and Taehyung, the boundaries were clear and you knew exactly where you stood. But it all felt a little murkier when it came to Namjoon.
Every week, you would meet up with him—sometimes for more walks at the park, sometimes for dinner at a nice restaurant, once for lunch and a day at the history museum.
If you didn’t know any better, you would think you were being courted. That Kim Namjoon was taking you on dates, that the two of you were in the very beginning stages of a potentially romantic relationship. But every day you reminded yourself of the secured PDF hidden in a special folder on your laptop—a digital copy of a fully-executed contract. You refused to fall into any other sort of thinking—never let yourself become deluded about why it was exactly he was buying you dinner, why the two of you went to the movies to see the latest superhero film.
Paying for your time, your contract explicitly stated, so technically, nothing was out of place.
And yet…
You couldn’t stop yourself from metaphorically holding your breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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The text went by unnoticed for over an hour, you being too distracted by the racks and racks of lace to pay the vibrating of your bag any attention.
A man of his word, Taehyung had replaced the tights he had ruined tenfold, showing up at your apartment one night with a gift bag full of delicate, intricately-designed nylons (many of which were suspiciously missing crotches). You appreciated his gift, but as time went on, you were highly amused to find that it had clearly been just as much for him as you.
Your relaxed attitude about his decidedly peculiar sexual preferences only made Tae more enthusiastic to share them with you, but you didn’t mind. Truthfully, it didn’t take very long for you to start reveling in his worship. But who could blame you? To have such an impossibly attractive man pay such acute attention to you only stoked your ego and confidence.
At the end of the day, his obvious pleasure triggered yours in turn, and there was no clause in your agreement that said you weren’t allowed to enjoy your job. So why the fuck not?
This thought process was what made you pause when you happened to cross a lingerie shop on your way home from court one day. You were no stranger to lingerie, but you had never put that much thought into it before, simply finding a bra and panty set whose price, in your eyes, justified the amount of material you were paying for. Now, with a lot more pocket money and a much more interested partner, you found yourself  taking the time to scrutinize more scandalously see-through designs than the ones buried in your drawers. Found yourself rifling through ones that conveniently unsnapped at the crotch and had garters to match.
It was only when you were at the register and reaching into your bag—your hand brushing against your phone before your wallet—that you were reminded of the device’s existence. And a cursory look at the screen alerted to two missed texts—one from Jimin and one from Namjoon.
Two texts, same message.
Are you free Saturday?
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Namjoon picked you up in a black car that, at first glance, was much less flashy than the bright red Lamborghini Tae liked to drive. The BMW insignia lightly stitched into the headrests quickly smashed any thoughts you could have of the car being any less expensive, though.
“Hey,” he greeted as you slid into the passenger seat. “How was your week?”
Like always when you met him for day outings, he was dressed rather casually—he had forgone his glasses, and today’s ensemble included a yellow sweatshirt, yellow sweatpants, a black beanie, and sneakers. But despite his outfit’s simplicity, you knew it had to cost more than your entire wardrobe.
“Busy,” you groaned, melting into the buttery leather. “I told you I’m doing that internship, right? Well, I’m shadowing my professor on his case, and when I’m not at court, there’s a lot of paperwork to get through and  even more reading to do. And since I went to that corporate dinner with your brother earlier this week, I’m really behind and have a lot of reading to catch up on and—” You paused, it suddenly occurring to you that Namjoon had merely asked to be polite and likely didn’t actually give a shit. He was perfectly aware you had been at the dinner—he had seen you there, after all. “Wow, I’m sorry. I’m just rambling on and you don’t want to hear all that.”
“Of course I do.” His eyes shifted from the road to you, lips twitching amusedly upward. “I asked.”
The suspiciously fond look on his face made heat spring to your own, and you turned away, flustered. “How was yours?”
“Long,” he sighed, focus returning to the road. “Not as busy as you, it sounds like, but it sure as hell felt like it.” He paused, then cleared his throat. “You know, if you’re that busy, it’s totally fine if you’d rather we skip this week. It’s no trouble—I can turn right around and take you back.”
You shook your head immediately, slightly nervous you’d fucked up. Complaining to your employer that your job—that you were paid a lot of money for—was inconveniencing you? Were you a fucking moron? “No, no,  no, of course not! That’s not fair to you and I promise, I’m totally fine. Unless you’d prefer we reschedule because you’d rather unwind or something.”
Namjoon raised an eyebrow at the sudden urgency underlying your tone. “This is my unwinding—was just worried about you.”
“Please don’t worry about it, Namjoon! I’ll figure it out. Just cut back on sleep or something.”
A puff of laughter. “You already look like you’ve been cutting back on sleep.”
His clear amusement soothed your rising alarm. “Wow, thanks,” you snorted. “Tell me I look like shit without actually telling me I look like shit.”
“Whoa, I didn’t say that!” he protested, laughing again. “Don’t put that on me! You don’t look shitty at all, just more tired than usual.”
“Very astute observation. You are correct, kind sir.”
His cheeks dimpled at your playful tone. You smiled in response, happy that months spent together had seemed to tamp down his shy hesitance. While still ever the gentleman, Namjoon was no longer as politely detached as he had been when you first met—no longer super careful with his words, no longer as reserved. He laughed, he joked, he was sarcastic. He was a person, and not just a corporately-crafted one. And while time had shown you that Namjoon could still sometimes be relatively awkward, it always seemed more like a personality trait than a response to you in particular.
“Well, if you insist on today still happening, I’ll try not to keep you out too long.”
You raised a finger in protest. “Hey now, don’t be rushing me! I’m tryna see some otters.”
“Then we’ll see some otters,” he said resolutely with a laugh. “And sea turtles. I love sea turtles.”
When he had originally texted you to ask your availability, you were pleasantly surprised to hear that he wanted to go to the aquarium. You hadn’t been to one in years, and it just so happened that the one in this new city you now called home was known for being one of the best in the country, so you had been more than happy to agree to Namjoon’s suggestion of hitting it up. Plus, since the two of you were going early in the afternoon, you would still have enough time to catch up on some reading later that evening, especially if you ate at the park.
And luckily for you, Jimin hadn’t minded catching up with you later in the week instead. So all in all, despite a very hectic week, your Saturday was looking to be pretty chill, and you were grateful for it.
“How come we didn’t just take the train there?” you asked curiously. “I’m not sure if it would have saved us time, but it definitely would have saved you some parking money.”
“I was already running errands and thought it was easier to just pick you up,” Namjoon shrugged easily. “Besides, would you really prefer to be squished on a train right now?”
He had a point. The aquarium was in the touristy part of the city, and you had no doubt that there would be a ton of people on the train headed that way on a Saturday. Besides, you somehow kept forgetting that a thirty dollar parking fee was chump change for Namjoon—they could have asked for three times that and he probably wouldn’t even blink.
“No, this is much more comfortable,” you admitted.
“Good.” His cheeks dimpled again. “I’m glad.”
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Namjoon, you came to find out, was rather enthusiastic about the aquarium. After the two of you paid, he took his sweet time analyzing the map, eyebrows furrowed a bit in concentration as he worked out the best  order to see everything. You bit your lip, doing your best to tamp down your amusement at his childlike excitement. It was cute.
Still, he wasn’t the only one looking forward to the day’s activities. “I’m so glad we’re here,” you admitted easily. “This place has been on my to-visit list since I moved here.”
Namjoon looked up from the map curiously. “You’ve never been here before?”
“Nope.” You pointedly popped the p. “Honestly, I’ve been so busy that I haven’t really had the chance to be a tourist yet. I was pumped when you suggested it! ”
“Then I’m glad I did,” he replied with a soft smile. “Let’s make sure we get the most out of it.” He shuffled a bit closer to you, leaning the map in his hands in your direction. Your eyes followed the finger he dragged   along its surface, tracing a suggested route. “What do you say we hit the freshwater section first? There are some river otters in there, and it’ll put us on the right path the dolphin show.”
You hummed in agreement of his assessment. “Yeah, it looks like that only runs every couple hours and the next one is in twenty minutes, so sounds like a plan.”
The two of you chatted as you meandered down your chosen path, pausing every so often to observe any fish in the tank that caught your eyes. “I just think it’s ridiculous that we make dolphins jump through hoops when they’re so intelligent,” Namjoon commented.
“Definitely ridiculous and arguably unethical,” you agreed. “I mean, I know plenty of humans who are dumber than dolphins and we don’t make them do tricks for our amusement. We just allow them to be government officials.”
“Still, we’re already here, so.”
“Exactly,” you nodded. “At this point, it would be rude not to see the dolphin show.”
“Can’t let all their practice go to waste,” he said solemnly, and you snorted, only triggering his own chuckles.
He really was a good-looking man. A fact that was impossible for you to forget, but it was during moments like this—when he was bathed in the luminescence of the fishtanks and smiling just widely enough that his eyes started to disappear—that the realization hit you with a vengeance.
“Namjoon,” you said without much thought. Maybe he was just too shy to come on to you? Maybe he was still just waiting for your go-ahead, for some sort of sign. He looked over his shoulder at you curiously. “Why are we here?”
Confusion had his smile faltering a bit. “…To see the sea turtles?” he hedged.
You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head. “Well yeah, of course, but I really meant why.” This didn’t seem to clarify anything for him, so you continued. “Like, obviously I love going to museums with you, and going to movies, and getting ice cream. I love that. But Namjoon, I would do all of that for free. And that’s not really why you’re paying me.”
All humor faded from his expression, something strange flitting across his face instead. It was gone too quickly for you to decipher what it meant exactly.
“I know what I’m paying you for,” he said, voice with an uncharacteristic edge.
The air between you, only seconds before playful and teasing, now had an intensity that made you hesitant and on edge. The look he pinned you with had you freezing in your tracks, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. You eyed him back warily, completely thrown by the change in his demeanor.
“I know you do,” you backtracked quickly, nervous you had crossed some sort of line. “Obviously you do! I was just—”
“Not that I need to explain myself, but I tend to get a lot more out of things when I connect with the person. I’ve been trying to get to know you first.”
Your mouth opened, an apology heavy and waiting on your tongue, but whatever you were about to say fell on deaf ears. Namjoon pointedly looked at his watch, sighed, and swiveled on his heel, making his way right back in the direction the two of you had come from. Caught off guard, you instinctually followed him, having to walk faster in order to keep up with his long legs.
“Namjoon, where are you going? I didn’t mean to imply anything—”
Your rambling did nothing to stop his stride. He didn’t slow down for you. He didn’t look in your direction. In fact, the only acknowledgment of you that you could see was the periodic tic of his jaw as he led the two of you out of the building and back to the parking lot.
Silently, Namjoon unlocked the doors of his car. You hesitated, wondering just how badly you had fucked up and unsure if he still wanted you around at this point, but his gaze snapped to you, making you realize that you found his full attention markedly more unnerving than the lack of it.
“Get in.”
You obeyed without question, quietly sliding into the passenger seat and buckling your seatbelt as Namjoon, eerily calm, put the car in drive and started driving to his intended destination. Normally, the nerves you were feeling now would have your mouth running a mile a minute, but the noticeable tension in Namjoon’s posture effectively rendered you mute.
A missed turn immediately clued you in to the fact that he wasn’t taking you home, which didn’t help your bemused, spinning mind any. It wasn’t until later, after the two of you had sat in a charged silence for what felt like forever, that you started to understand what was happening. Namjoon turned into a driveway next to an expensive high rise. You realized you were entering the building’s garage when a keycard, succinctly procured from his pocket, activated the large metal door in front of you.
His place. He had taken you back to his place, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know why.
You had brought it up, after all.
Namjoon didn’t speak to you when he gave his car keys to the valet. He didn’t speak to you on the way up the elevator. He didn’t even speak to you when he unlocked his door and tossed the contents of his pockets on an awaiting foyer table. He only led you further into his condo and stared at you, the intensity of his gaze almost smothering.
“Namjoon,” you tried again, your voice meek and unthreatening. “I’m so sorry if I offended you. I promise I didn’t mean to rush you or anything. It’s just that it’s been a few months and I was curious.”
“Curious,” he repeated, head tilting as he considered it.
You had thought his previous silence—his previous indifference of you—unsettling. But you were starting to realize that having his full attention was undoubtedly more so.
“Curious?” His decidedly mocking tone threw you off. As did the humorless chuckle that escaped him. “Or selfish?”
“W-What?” You blinked owlishly, skin prickling from the weight of his stare.
“It only matters what you want, right?” He shook his head, clicked his tongue. “Bratty. Selfish.”
You could only gape at him, completely taken aback by this change in attitude and not sure where it was coming from. So taken aback that you almost missed the way he eyed you up and down, gaze intense and calculating.
“Do you remember your safeword?”
Oh. Oh. This was definitely happening. This was finally happening and now that it was, you found yourself once again filled with nerves—back at square one, as if you were new to this song and dance and hadn’t actually spent the past few months sleeping with men for money. A taunting crook of Namjoon’s brow at your extended silence had your tongue scrambling to reply. “Yes.”
“Tell me.”
You blinked rapidly, confused beyond belief. On edge as you scrambled to recall the word you had written on your contract what seemed like forever ago. “Cinnamon.”
Namjoon’s eyes softened a little, lips twitching in approval. “Good. If at any point you need me to stop, you use that. And I want you to tap me three times if you can’t say it.”
WHAT.
You could practically feel your eyes bug out of your head, breath catching in your throat as your brain struggled to reconcile the man standing before you with the things he was saying. Completely thrown, you could do nothing but gape at him stupidly while you watched his expression settle into something markedly intimidating.
“You need to use your words,” he admonished sternly. “It’s important that we communicate and stay on the same page. Do you understand?”
“Y-Yes,” you croaked.
“When should you use your safe word?”
“If I need you to stop.” Only moments before it had been hard for you to even formulate responses, but now, much like a chastened child, the words were flying off your tongue.
Namjoon tilted his head slightly. “And if you can’t say it?”
Your mind was currently too frazzled to come up with any situation where you wouldn’t be able to verbalize your discomfort, but clearly the man in front of you was full of surprises. “Tap you. Three times,” you hurriedly added when he crossed his arms over his chest impatiently.
“Good,” he allowed with a tilt of his head. “But overall, you haven’t been very good for Daddy, have you.”
Daddy? Jesus, what had you gotten yourself into?
He didn’t wait for your response. Namjoon turned on his heel, silently making his way down a nearby hallway and giving you a single glance over his shoulder to ensure you were following him. And follow you did, distractedly taking in your surroundings.
Like his brother, Namjoon lived in one of the most exclusive buildings in the city. But while Seokjin lived in a penthouse suite that was very modern, Namjoon’s place was much more rustic and homey. There was an expensive-looking bicycle parked in the corner of the living room, various plants sunned themselves against the floor to ceiling windows, and though the furniture was obviously high-end, it all also felt a lot more lived-in. While at Seokjin’s you often felt wary touching anything or breathing too much of his rich people air, you could easily see yourself easily curling up on Namjoon’s couch with a hot cup of tea and a good book.
But reading was clearly the last thing on Namjoon’s mind. He led you from the living room, down the hallway, and right into a spacious bedroom with a large bed. This room being on the same side of the building as the living room meant that it got the same gorgeous view of the city, and had the same wall of floor to ceiling windows to best showcase it.
“The dolphin show was in 15 minutes, so I think 15 is a good number,” Namjoon mused suddenly, throwing you out of your reverie. He sat down in one of the armchairs in the little sitting area next to the bed, sucking on his teeth irritably as he stared at you, eyes steely. “Strip.”
“What?”
“You heard me the first time. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
Seriously. What the hell had you gotten yourself into?
You couldn’t help the way you reflexively bristled at his tone. He’s paying you, you reminded yourself, pushing down the urge to ask him who the hell he thought he was talking to. Warily, you eyed the gorgeous view that, seeing as rich people in high rises apparently didn’t believe in blinds, also gave you generous access to the homes in the building across the street.
“Here?” you asked incredulously. Fully aware that if you could easily see people as they lounged on their couches, they also most definitely could see you.
Namjoon didn’t deign to answer you. Simply stared you down expectantly and got more comfortable in his seat, the space between his thighs widening in a clear display of dominance.
You technically had never marked exhibitionism as a no, but now that the opportunity presented itself, you found yourself hesitant. Shy to show your body, to any onlookers, yes, but mostly Namjoon, who was sitting there so stone-faced that you questioned if he truly wanted you at all.
Still, after another glance out the window at the opposite building confirmed there seemed to be no one home at this time of day who would see you, you simply exhaled the breath you didn’t realize you were holding and started to do what you were told.
Your shirt went first, pulled over your head in a manner that was decidedly unsexy. But in your defense, you didn’t feel very sexy, Namjoon’s expression remaining unchanged despite your increasing state of undress. Your jeans were next to go, awkwardly shuffled down your hips and kicked aside. You paused, shifting from foot to foot as you waited for him to do…anything, really.
But Namjoon just kept staring you down, fingers tapping impatiently against his knee. “Keep going.”
Already feeling rather naked under his scrutiny, it took you a few moments to convince yourself to take the plunge, ridding yourself of your bra and underwear as well. At first, the emergence of your tits seemed to have no effect on him, but then a quick swipe of his tongue across his lips sold him out. That, and the way his eyes hungrily roved your form, pupils big and dark.
“Come here,” he ordered, voice gravely as he patted his lap. You approached him willingly, moving to straddle him, but strong hands on your waist stopped you. He shook his head, tutting disapprovingly. “No, none of that. We’re not going to reward your selfish behavior.”
Okay, the bizarreness of this all was starting to frustrate you. What the hell was he going on about? Why drive you all the way here and get you naked if he wasn’t going to do anything about it?  
Your bafflement must have been evident on your face, because Namjoon graced you with some clarification, patting his lap again. “Bend over. You’re getting punished.”
Ah, okay, a little roleplay. You could get behind that, no problem. Now feeling like you had a better grasp of the situation, you obediently crawled your way onto his lap, sliding into a horizontal position and resting your chest on the armrest to make sure your ass was front and center. You gave it a saucy wiggle, but a glance over your shoulder showed you that only triggered an aggravated tic in his jaw.
This was your first warning.
Large hands curiously roamed, gliding up the lines of your body, fingers squeezing the back of your thighs. Carefully ignoring the meat of your ass, instead drifting along the panes of your back. Your skin prickled in excitement, body eager for his touch. Impatiently, you wiggled your ass again, and this time, the hand tightened against your hip in warning.
“Spread your legs,” Namjoon demanded huskily. “Since you want to be such a fucking tease. And keep them that way.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” you joked, shifting your hips a bit so you could do as he asked. This position was a bit uncomfortable, with one armrest digging into your sternum and the other cutting into your ankles. But now that your pussy had come into play—the widening of your thighs giving him better access—it was much easier to ignore all that.
“You think this is funny?” He shook his head disapprovingly. “We’ll see if you keep laughing. Count them.”
You were about to ask what you were supposed to count when his hand came down. The crack of palm meeting skin reverberated throughout the room, the yelp you let out a mixture of surprise and pain.
“I don’t hear you counting,” Namjoon admonished, tone mocking. “And every time I don’t hear you, we’re going to start over.” And with that, he struck you a second time, in the same spot, making you grit your teeth and dig your fingers into the armrest against the sharp sting.
“One!” you blurted before he could make good on his threat. Namjoon hummed in approval, giving your asscheeks a squeeze before swatting you again, this time a bit harder, and on the opposite cheek. You flinched. “Two!”
You weren’t new to this—you had allowed a few previous partners to spank you before. But right away you knew this was different. The times you had been spanked before had been playful—Kim Namjoon was very obviously not here to play games. The force he was hitting you with? Your ass had not felt a fury like this since you were six.
A punishment indeed.
But your mama raised no bitch—you weren’t going to break. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was getting to you. So you started steeling yourself for each strike, taking each whack with little more than a grunt of its number.
“Not so funny now, is it?” You didn’t answer right away, too focused on your breathing. This didn’t sit well for Namjoon, who pressed into your rapidly bruising flesh at your silence, making you hiss. “I’m talking to you.”
“No,” you acquiesced with a shuddery exhale.
Namjoon spanked you again, holding you down as your body reflexively tried to jolt out of his hold.
“F-five.”
“No, what?” Smack.
“…six.”
He roughly grabbed you by the chin, forced your head to turn so that you would meet his eye. “No, what, _____?”
It took you a few moments to understand what he wanted from you, your brain too scrambled from all the stimulation. “No, Daddy.”
“Good girl,” he growled, his grip on your face tightening before he let go. “You will address me properly or I’ll start over. Keep counting.”
Crack.
“Ungh! Seven!”
“Keep your legs open,” he snapped, pushing at your knee until you got the message and did it yourself. You hadn’t meant to close them in the first place, but it had been an apparent reflex to his blows. “You want to act like a slut? Keep yourself spread.”
You gasped at the word, shocked to hear it come from a man you previously assumed to be meek. But while degradation had never really been your thing, something about the nonchalant way he had said it stoked the building flames in your gut.
He met your gaze head on, eyes completely blown. A hand drifted inward, fingers ghosting over your damp lips, and you couldn’t help the whine that left you at the feeling. He was touching you right where you wanted him, but it was not enough.
Namjoon chuckled darkly, apparently amused by your building desperation. He trailed teasing fingers up your slit one more time before rearing back and delivering his next blow, the flat of his hand landing right near your clit.
“Fuck!” you screeched, all of your nerve endings in overdrive. No one had ever hit your there before, and while your body’s immediate reaction was to try to curl into itself to shrink away from the pain, you also found yourself almost immediately pushing back into his hand, teeth locking on the fabric of the armchair.
“How many?” Namjoon prompted, carefully rubbing the swollen area to ease the sting.
“Eight,” you moaned, rocking into him.
“Eight?”
“Eight, Daddy.”
“Just so you know, I’m being really lenient with you right now,” Namjoon mused. He hit you again, this time back on one of your flaming asscheeks. “I already told you I don’t like to repeat myself.”
Your back bowed at the impact, breath shuddering at the resulting rush of endorphins. “N-Nine. I’m sorry, Daddy.”
He scoffed. “You’re not sorry. Look at you, making a mess all over me. Humping me like a bitch in heat.” He wasn’t wrong—you kept pushing back, delighting in the attention of his hands and the delicious friction that resulted every time you dragged your clit across his pants. “If I didn’t know any better”—another swat, a whimper of ten by you—“I would think that you actually like being disciplined.”
“Mmmm.” You were starting to become delirious, your body so wound up from all the stimulation that all you could think was more, more. “Hurt me, Daddy.”
Namjoon paused, eyes darkening as he considered you and the way you were still eagerly rutting against him, everything about you screaming your need. Without a word, he used one hand to keep you still as the other rained vengeance across your already blistering skin. One after another the final blows came, alternating between both of your reddened cheeks, and you could do nothing but sob out their respective numbers, unable to do much more than take it. By the time you finally hit fifteen, you couldn’t see, tears and saliva smeared across your face.
“There you go,” Namjoon murmured, gently smoothing a hand down your inflamed skin and making you flinch at the resulting sparks. “Good girls take their punishments.”
You didn’t reply, dazed and twitching and euphoric. But despite your mind still reeling, it still didn’t escape your notice that while you were stark naked and a blubbering mess, this man hadn’t even bothered to remove a single item of clothing.
Without warning, he slid a finger into you, the resulting squelch audible even to you. You whined, surprised at the amount of pleasure that rippled through you at the small action. But the moment you tried to rut back into his hand, the finger was gone, idly wiping residual slick onto the insides of your already sticky thighs.
“Are you going to keep being good?”
“Yes Daddy,” you whined. Pliant and agreeable, any defiance you may have previously had smacked right out of you. Too focused on how ridiculously close you somehow were to cumming.
“Then why don’t you get up for me, baby girl.”
You scrambled off his lap eagerly, wobbling to your feet and wincing against the sting of doing so. Movement across the street drew your eye, and dazedly, you realized it was someone in their kitchen, rooting around in the fridge. They were in easily visible, and that just reminded you that so were you, naked as the day you were born and getting spanked like a petulant toddler.
The man casually shut the door and wandered into another room with his drink, no longer in view. You could only assume that he hadn’t noticed your midday activities, but who’s to say no one else did while you were…preoccupied.
The feeling of hands cradling your face immediately turned your attention back to Namjoon, looking down at you with dark eyes. His thumbs gently swiped away your tears. “Get on the bed,” he murmured.
You didn’t have to be told twice, quickly moving to do as you were bid. Gingerly, you sat down on the edge of the mattress, awaiting his next instructions.
Namjoon pulled his sweatshirt over his head, and he must have grabbed his shirt too, because the next thing you know, he was standing before you half-naked, muscles rippling under beautifully tanned skin as he uncaringly tossed the clothing away. You could only gape at him, stunned at how well he had been masking just how beefy he was underneath his preferred wardrobe of oversized clothing. He was the tallest of his brothers, and, judging by the circumference of his biceps, also likely the one who spent the most time in the gym.
His lips quirked knowingly at your blatant gawking, but quickly smoothed back out in displeasure. “Turn over,” he demanded, reaching for the band of his pants and sliding them down his hips. The emergence of a powerful thigh vindicated your newfound belief that he was a man who never missed leg day.
You paused uneasily, doubtful your ass could handle any more of its previous treatment. Still, you complied, repositioning yourself on your hands and knees away from him. Movement caught your eyes, and it was then that you realized that there was a mirror on the other side of the room, likely there to help him get dressed in the morning. But its positioning meant that you could conveniently see him approach you from behind, a rapt expression on his face. Even if you couldn’t see him, you would have been able to feel him, anticipation ensuring his approaching body heat was almost scorching.
And dear god was his cock big. You weren’t sure why you were even surprised at this point—what, with being intimately aware of exactly what his brothers were packing—but you couldn’t help the way your eyes widened when you saw it, adrenaline rushing through your veins in preparation of what was to come.
His hands were on you without warning, squeezing your ass with both hands and making you reflexively whimper when it smarted. Namjoon just tutted, a large palm pushing between your shoulder blades until your chest hit the mattress.
For a few moments, he didn’t do anything, content instead to simply admire his handiwork in silence. You wondered what exactly had him so transfixed. You wondered if your bruising was starting to bloom in the shape of his hands.
Spread wide like this, vulnerable under such a critical eye, you felt your insecurities start to creep up. Time stretched between you, only serving to stoke your nerves further. You shivered, resisting the increasing urge to close your legs.
You felt the mattress dip with the addition of his weight. Then, finally, light as butterfly wings, you felt his lips against your backside. Over and over, he brushed gentle apologies into the tender skin, the promising warmth of his breath against your already dripping core making you clench. You were so focused on the tease of his mouth that the finger he slipped into you caught you by surprise, an unexpected groan shooting from your throat.
Namjoon rewarded your reaction with another finger. His hands were big and fingers long, resulting in a rather delicious stretch, but you were so wet at this point that his digits slipped in and out of you with relative ease, the way he made sure to curve them down to brush your g-spot causing your thighs to tremble. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry, working you open just slowly enough that he was starting to drive you insane with need.
“Please,” you moaned into the sheets, beyond horny.
“Hmm?” Namjoon asked mildly, tone deceptively bored. But you knew better. His fingers snapped forward in a single, forceful thrust, knocking another whine out of you before returning to their previous tortuous pace. “Did you want something?”
“D-Daddy…”
“What did I tell you before?” he chided you. “You need to use your words.”
It was driving you mad. He was carefully massaging you open, hitting all the right spots, but it wasn’t enough. Was just enough to make you hover over the precipice, but refuse to let you drop. Just enough to make you want to burst into frustrated tears.
You weren’t too proud to beg.
“Fuck me,” you whined, pushing your hips backwards and forcing him deeper. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling. “Please Daddy, fuck me, I’ve been so good for you, please fuck me, please—”
“So needy,” Namjoon tutted disapprovingly. “You act like you didn’t just get fucked a couple days ago. Are you that hungry for dick?”
“For your dick, Daddy.”
“Hmm.” His fingers abruptly left you, your hips reflexively chasing them in protest. “You need to be careful what you wish for.”
You started to lift onto your elbows, fully intending to turn to face him and plead your case, but he merely pressed down on your back until you were face down again, hips arched exactly the way he wanted. Roughly, Namjoon guided your knees further apart, widening the space between your thighs. The position felt a little awkward, but you forgot all about your discomfort when you felt him dragging his cock up and down your slit, coating himself in your juices. And then he was pushing forward.
The intense pressure of the head breaching you made you shudder out a gasp. Namjoon’s hand drifted across your hip, silently rubbing reassurances into the skin. “Relax, baby,” he murmured. “You’ve been so good. Come on, relax for me.”
While you were starting to get familiar with the initial burning pressure of getting fucked by a ridiculously large cock, you being face down, ass up meant that you were going to feel every inch of him, deep, deep. You gripped the sheets beneath you, focusing on the heat of his hand as it drifted inward and circled your clit, on your breathing as he slowly separated your walls.
“There you go.” He pressed a few reassuring kisses into the damp skin of your neck, his fingers still tracing figure eights. You reflexively bucked, your body sucking more of him in.
Namjoon kept rubbing as he slowly rocked against you, his shallow thrusts gradually becoming deeper as your pussy started to invite the intrusion. In no time at all, he was in to the hilt, hips gently rolling against yours, his cock scraping against your spongy nerves.
You jolted as if electrocuted, ass snapping back wantonly. “Ohhhhh god. Shit. Moremoremore—”
Abruptly, all movement stopped. Alarmed that your road to ecstasy was being blocked again, you desperately turned your head to the mirror to see what the hold up was. Namjoon was staring down at you, jaw clenched.
“There you go again,” he growled. “Only thinking about what you want.”
“I didn’t mean t-to—” you stuttered, brain scrambling to string words into a sentence. Anything that sounded like a valid excuse. Anything to make sure he didn’t stop.
“You need to learn when to watch that pretty mouth of yours, or it’s always gonna get you in trouble.”
“Nam—” You cut yourself off with a nervous swallow.
He cocked his head at your near slip-up, palming your ass roughly in response. The resulting stinging was an immediate reminder of what occurred the last time you misbehaved. “Such a greedy thing. I thought you had learned your lesson, but obviously not.”
Your orgasm hovered tauntingly within reach—so close that that was all you could think about. So close that you would do anything to convince him to let you cum. “Daddy, please!”  
“Hm.” He didn’t seem to be affected by your begging, immovable as a brick wall as he continued to idly squeeze your behind. His control was insane, you noted. His cock was buried deep within you and still he did nothing to appease you. Only willing to move when he was ready to.
But luckily for you, as crazy as his control was, he was still a man at the end of the day. His patience only went so far, and with the way your pussy kept pulsing around him, primed and ready to finally lock down, it didn’t wasn’t long before he finally broke, a seemingly involuntary pump of his hips making you both shudder in response.
Apparently done with his game, Namjoon leaned forward until his chest was flush against your back. You gasped, nerves buzzing with the promise of something finally happening. Of the thrill of his body covering you completely, of the peculiar sense of comfort and security that came with willingly giving up all control.
And then he pulled out.
The force with which Namjoon rammed back into you knocked the breath straight out of your lungs, the bed frame rattling violently against the wall. It was only when his strokes continued their fevered intensity that you realized exactly what you had done.
It was too much. It was too much and too good, all vocabulary leaving you as you wailed nonsensical sounds instead. Your body was starting to inch up the bed a bit every time his pelvis slammed into you, but Namjoon was having none of it, pushing down on you with more of his bodyweight to ensure you couldn’t escape, even unintentionally. A hand reached up to give one of your nipples a rough twist before disappearing again to bury itself between your legs. He pressed hard circles into your clit, hips unrelenting.
“Cum,” he growled in your ear, and, ever the good girl, you immediately did, fingers tightly gripping the sheets, mouth open in a silent scream as your orgasm finally rocked you to the core.
Everything was tight, tight, your toes curling with the force of it, and Namjoon kept fucking you through it, not slowing down his frenzied pace in the slightest, even as your pussy attempted to lock him in place. Even when it was finally over and you were left gasping and trembling in the aftershocks. Namjoon fucked you like a machine set on autopilot, and he refused to relent.
Sensitivity had your hands scrabbling for purchase, and your futile clawing made the corner of the fitted sheet actually pop off the mattress. Your hips tried to scoot forward in an instinctive attempt to escape the overwhelming sensation, but Namjoon only tightened his grip on you.
“Stop running and take what you begged me for,” he snapped, reaching up your body. Fingers rooted themselves in your hair, yanking just enough that you reflexively moved to your elbows to support the resulting strain he was putting on your neck. While the hold on your hair kept you right where he wanted you, it also provided him with just enough leverage to continue to fuck you hard and deep, his balls smacking into your ass with increasing rhythm.
You let out a choked sob, unable to do anything else but let him batter your pussy into smithereens. To let him use you as he pleased, toss you around to his liking like nothing more than a ragdoll. “Oh godddd…”
“Take it,” he repeated through labored breaths. Rather suddenly, his bodyweight was gone, and before you could process why, so was the grip on your hair. Instead, his hand hooked around your neck and swiftly tugged you upright, once again pulling you flush against his sweaty chest.
Reflexively, you reached back and held onto his bicep, trying your best to keep your balance when he was still pounding you from below. To keep your sanity.
With one hand tight on your hip and the other around your neck, Namjoon had you right where he wanted you. Normally, the idea of being choked would make panic race through your veins, but he wasn’t doing that, exactly. Just resting his hand there with only enough pressure to keep you still, to use as leverage for his thrusts. Still, the warm weight of his palm, the loss of control, the whisper of danger—it made you tingle all over. Just that quickly, he was going to make you cum again.
Though you were still overstimulated and still overwhelmed, the promise of rapture had you leaning into the feeling, allowing lust to pull you under its fervid waters. Even in your delirium, you heard it when his breathing hollowed, noticed when his grip on you tightened a bit. And your cunt fluttered excitedly in anticipation.
“Inside,” you groaned. “Please, I want all of it.”
Namjoon answered you with a snap of his hips that bordered on violent, your eyes rolling back at the resulting euphoric burn.
You whined, desperate. “Inside inside inside inside inside—”
He came with a long, guttural groan, panting hot against your neck as his cock pulsed and spilled rope after rope of his hot seed inside you. You vibrated at the feeling of it, moaning right alongside him.
It took a few moments for him to return to his body, to come to his senses. He completely released his hold on you, but when he shifted backwards so he could sit properly, your exhausted body ended up going with him, needing him for support. Namjoon didn’t seem to mind, pulling you to sit more comfortably between his legs. “Look,” he murmured, tapping the side of your thigh to get your attention. He gestured across the room.
Barely lucid, you followed his direction to the previously forgotten mirror. The two of you were sitting in bed, sticky and exhausted.
Namjoon slowly pushed your knees apart, your reflection revealing the treasure between. “Look at how messy you are.”
You shivered when he spread your puffy lips with two fingers. Cum, already starting to leak out of you, trickled down his digits and glistened in your pubic hair. He was right—it was messy, and with your thighs spread like this, it was easy for both of you to see the way your pussy actually clenched at the sight of it.
Namjoon froze for a moment, eyes darkening with this newfound knowledge. “You like that, huh?” Lazily, he rubbed his own mess up and down your slit, instantly gratified by your resulting whimpers. “You know, for someone who begged me for it, you sure are wasting it.”
Without warning, he sunk three fingers into your sopping cunt.
“Fuck!” You jolted, a hand reflexively circling his wrist, but not doing anything to stop the way he pumped the digits in and out of you, pushing the mess back inside. The resulting orgasm took you by surprise and you trashed in his hold, moaning at the intense pleasure rippling through you and riding his fingers like you were possessed.
Namjoon only stopped when your hips stopped rolling, when you collapsed against him. His fingers left you with a squelch, slick and shiny with both of your releases. He pressed them against your bottom lip and you reflexively opened your mouth, sucking them all clean.
For a little while after, the two of you sat in silence, just like that. Namjoon’s embrace was warm and comforting, the rhythm of his breaths slowly lulling your weary body into dreamland. You were so out of it that you barely noticed when he murmured something against your hair, the words slipping past your sluggish consciousness too quickly to register. You hummed a nonanswer, eyelids heavy, but became a bit more alert when his arms were unwinding from around you and he was moving away. The bed dipped at the loss of his weight.
Your expression must have shown your displeasure, because Namjoon sent you a small, reassuring smile in response. “I’ll be right back,” he promised, leaning down to catch your lips. The kiss was slow and gentle, deepening the longer it went on, and he pulled back with an amused chuckle when your arms started to wrap around his neck. “Stop trying to seduce me. I’ll be right back.”
“I wasn’t trying to seduce you,” you pouted, but you certainly didn’t want him to leave you, either. He crooked a disbelieving eyebrow at you as he left the room.
Namjoon’s large body had been like a furnace. It was a bit more chilly without his form wrapped around yours, but as you timidly sat there alone, you realized you weren’t just rubbing your arms for heat.
“Here.” He was back before you could start to think too hard about anyone in the building across the street. He handed you a glass of water, crouching down so he could be eye-level with you. “Drink this for me.”
You accepted the glass obediently, distracted by the way he rested his hands on your knees, idly drawing circles with his thumbs.
“How do you feel?” he asked, eyes roving your form carefully.
“Tired,” you answered honestly after a few sips.
“That’s normal. I’m sure this was a lot for you.” He groaned, running a hand through his damp hair and making it stick up oddly. It was cute. “Ahhh, look what you made me do! I did not intend on doing this today. I was really looking forward to seeing the sea turtles.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at his earnestness. “Sorry.”
“You should be. I’m bummed I didn’t get to introduce you to Barry.”
“Barry?” you asked curiously.
“Barry the Barracuda. He’s a well-known local and is on a good amount of the aquarium merchandise.”
“Oh no,” you deadpanned, handing him your empty glass. “I’m so sad I didn’t get to meet a giant, scary fish with way too many teeth for comfort. Damn.”
Namjoon laughed, the sound loud and endearing and infectious enough that you laughed too. He kissed you again, pulling back this time before you could try any more of your funny business. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
You groaned, too exhausted to even contemplate doing anything else but laying down and taking a nap. But Namjoon just laughed again, easily gathering you up in his arms and carrying you to an adjoining room that you then learned was the master bathroom.
The master bathroom that was bigger than your entire apartment and housed the biggest bathtub you had ever seen. Even your increasing fatigue was no match for your astonishment.
“Here you go,” Namjoon hummed, carefully setting you down in the sweet-smelling bubbles. Even sitting down, the water went up to your neck, the temperature just bordering on too hot for your newly sensitive skin. He must have noticed your slight discomfort, because he continued, “It’ll feel really good in a second.”
He was right, of course. Your could already feel your body acclimating, tension you didn’t know you were holding seeping out of you. To your surprise, Namjoon climbed in after you, the tub big enough to seat you both comfortably. There was no way it wasn’t custom made.
Like this, wrapped in Namjoon’s arms and tranquil waters, it was easy for the tiredness to return. You made yourself comfortable, leaning against his chest and letting him rub soap into your skin. He bathed you in silence for a bit, his gentle ministrations making your eyes flutter shut in complete relaxation. But it was the sudden sound of his voice—quiet, but rumbling—that stalled your inevitable slumber. “Are you okay?”
You hummed, eyes still closed.
But he wasn’t satisfied. “I need you to use your words.”
The same thing he kept telling you earlier. Now, though, it sat differently on his tongue. Less authoritative, more concerned.
“Yes,” you humored him.
“…Did I hurt you?”
You shifted a bit as you considered your answer. “Yes. But I liked it.”
“I’m sorry,” he breathed. “We need to work together to find your limits. And for this to work, I have to be able to trust that you’ll use your safe word when you need it.”
“Namjoon.” You turned your head to throw him a reassuring smile, pushing his bangs away from his concerned eyes. “I liked it.”
He regarded you silently, looking for any sign of a lie. Finally, he clasped your hand in his. “Promise me you’ll use it.”
“I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“And I’m sorry we missed the dolphin show.”
He let out a puff of laughter, breath warm on your neck. The two of you didn’t leave the tub until the water started to grow cold.
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“Are you okay, _____?” Jimin asked at dinner a few days later. He had been shooting you worried glances for the past twenty minutes, but had apparently hit his limit and couldn’t help but voice his concern. “Why are you sitting like that?”
“I, um, fell,” you replied lamely. You nervously stuffed a fry in your mouth, hoping he would drop it, and when his eyes narrowed suspiciously, quickly tacked on, “Tripped over a curb. I think I bruised my tailbone.”
“Ah, you need to be more careful,” Jimin chided you, but it didn’t escape you that there was a pensive pinch in his brow for the rest of the meal.
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jjungkookislife · 2 months ago
Text
The Matchmaker (M)
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ღ pairing: matchmaker!namjoon x f. reader
ღ genre: S2L, slight angst, fluff, {18+}
ღ summary: Kim Namjoon had a high success rate when it came to finding his client's perfect match, however, that all goes down the drain when he meets you.
ღ wc:19.2k
ღ warnings: ex!jin, best friend!yoongi, match!tae (drug dealer!tae), match!jimin (bookstore owner), match!hoseok, cursing, alcohol use/mention, mention of weed and allusions to (harder) drugs, discussions of bdsm, sex, contraception, Jimin is rude to the waiter 💔, ex high school bf!Yoongi turned BFF, mention of past anxiety and self-doubt regarding Namjoon’s matchmaking, oc’s mother means well but she’s nosy and pushes marriage, jealousy, allusions to depression, slightly overprotective!yoongi
ღ date: September 12, 2021
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Everything had fallen into place for you; your career, your relationship with your family and friends, and your dream home but there was one thing you didn't have that you desired. Someone to share it with. You had been single for two years, your last relationship with your ex-boyfriend, Jin. Unfortunately, the breakup had been awful, but now you were ready to get back out there and settle down.
Friday night is for you to go out and see your family and friends, but tonight, you find yourself sitting on your couch in front of your TV while on the phone with your mother.
“All I’m saying is that your aunt called this matchmaker and now your cousin is married,” your mom states with an air of cockiness as you roll your eyes.
“I don’t think a matchmaker is going to help, mom. Besides, I go out plenty,” you sigh as you adjust the volume on the TV.
“I just don’t want you to be lonely anymore. As your mother, I worry about you…”
“Mom…”
“Let me give you his number,” your mom says as you hear her rustle around before saying ‘aha’ and asking if you’re listening. She rattles off the number, which you feign to write down before making up an excuse to end the call.
“I gotta get a date,” you grumble as you decide to go to bed early.
The next morning, you find a text from an unknown number waiting for you.
[Unknown]: Good morning, is this Y/n?
[You]: who is this?
[Unknown]: Kim Namjoon, your mother called me this morning requesting my services
Before you can reply, your phone is ringing and you’re groaning as you curse before answering, “hello?”
“Good morning! This is Namjoon, your mother requested my services.”
“I’m sorry to have wasted your time but I’m not interested, Mr. Kim.”
“I see, well, if you change your mind, let me know,” Namjoon wishes you a good day before hanging up. You shake your head before getting out of bed to get your day started.
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“Your mom did what?” Yoongi chuckles as he falls back onto your bed, you shove him playfully as he continues to laugh, his beautiful smile on display.
“Yoongi!” you huff, as tears run down his cheeks.
“Let me know when you’re done.”
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologizes in between bouts of laughter as he sits up, clutching his stomach as you scowl at him.
You show him the texts, quickly relaying the conversation you had with your mother the previous night and your phone call with Namjoon this morning.
“Maybe it’s not a bad thing,” Yoongi’s tone is wary as you worry your lip between your teeth.
“Yoongi, are you serious?” your exasperated tone has him shrugging before sitting up.
“All I’m saying is that maybe you should consider it. Aren’t you ready to get back out there? I’m sure a matchmaker would be better than joining a dating site and sorting through guys who only want to hook up. You want something more serious, don’t you?”
You remain silent, knowing your best friend is right. You had confided in him that you were wanting a relationship again, something serious, something real. You didn’t want to join another dating site where you got dick pics before even a hello, you didn’t want a guy to take you out on a date, then feel entitled to your body. No, you definitely didn’t want any of that at all. Plus, your cousin was married; happily married and had been for the past three years. Maybe your mom was onto something by calling Namjoon? Maybe you could give him a chance and find the perfect match for you?
You look over at Yoongi, a hesitant smile on your lips. “Do you think I should?”
Yoongi doesn’t hesitate at all, your phone still in his hands as he hits call on Namjoon’s number, the line ringing as he hands it to you, “do it.”
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The following Saturday, you find yourself anxiously waiting for Namjoon at a café near your home. You’re not sure what to expect but you hope you’re making the right decision as he walks in dressed in a navy blue suit with a black tie and black-rimmed glasses. He smiles warmly at you, his dimples becoming prominent as you rise from your seat and extend your hand out for him to shake. He does so, greeting you as he takes a seat and releases your hand. You take note of the expensive-looking watch sitting on his wrist as he pulls out a pen from his suit pocket, clicking it as he opens a small black binder and jots something down. You try to peer at it but a side-eyed look from him stops you, embarrassed at being caught.
“Interesting,” he murmurs as he jots something else down before shutting the binder and setting it on the table. The waitress comes over and the two of you order quickly before you’re jittering in your seat. Why did this feel like a job interview?
“I see you were punctual,” Namjoon comments as he raises a brow at you. “Are you always punctual or did you do it today because you were meeting me?”
Namjoon awaits your answer, leaning back in his chair, his large hand undoing the button of his jacket as he grabs his binder to place on his lap open and ready for him to take more notes.
“I’m always punctual.” You answer honestly, swallowing thickly as you twiddle your thumbs in your lap. You wonder if he’s criticizing the sundress you’ve worn, wondering if you should have dressed more moderately despite the blazing heat.
“I can’t stand the thought of being late. For anything.”
“I see,” he hums as his pen moves across the paper effortlessly, his glasses sliding down the slope of his nose slightly. Namjoon blinks once, his dark eyes boring into your soul, a brow raised as he studies you in absolute silence. He takes in your appearance, writing down details that he deems important before he takes in your attire, his head quirked as he sees a tattoo near your shoulder.
You feel small under his penetrating gaze, your mouth drying up immediately as you wonder what he’s writing about you. You thought better than to try to catch a second glimpse, not wanting to be chastised.
After what seems like hours, but is only a few minutes, you can’t stand the heat of his gaze any longer. You try your best not to squirm in your seat but you finally lose the battle, “are you done?”
Namjoon doesn’t say a thing! He continues to write, filling the page and turning it before he finally looks up from his binder, “why are you looking for a partner?”
His direct question startled you slightly, his intense eyes locked you in place, forbidding you from looking away. You had rehearsed your answer several times in the past week—you had even had Yoongi be a placeholder for Namjoon— but all your previous prepping went down the drain as you sat in front of the brown-haired man.
“Well?” He prods after a few moments of silence, your hands growing clammy.
You decide, to be honest, everything you had rehearsed was long forgotten.
“I want a partner, someone I can share my life with. I want someone who will be my best friend and my lover, someone who will support me and cherish me and allow me to grow as a person with them. I want to build a strong foundation that will, later on, lead to marriage and eventually a family. I’m not looking for perfection, I’m looking for something authentic, something that will last a lifetime.”
Namjoon nods, silently taking more notes as you see your waitress arrive with your food. You thank her as she sets your meal down in front of you, Namjoon doesn’t look up from his notes. The waitress blushes, taking a long look at the man sitting across from you before she excused herself with a bashful smile and a giggle.
You take a long look at your matchmaker, noting how attractive he is. His dimples aren’t as prominent as his expression remains serious, unreadable. You notice his jawline, his neck, his plush lips that have you wondering what it's like to kiss him. You blanch at the thought, shaking your head as you wait for him to speak.
“What’s your career?”
“I’m a teacher,” you answer but Namjoon already knows everything he needs to know about you. He's simply checking your honesty levels; your background check sits in the pocket of his binder.
“Do you want your partner to be a teacher as well?”
“No, but I’d like for him to be employed,” Namjoon nods, looking at the list of questions. His eyes scan them before he asks the next one.
“What are your hobbies? Do you want to share the same hobbies as your potential partner or different ones to broaden your horizons?”
“I’d like to share some hobbies, have something in common to break the ice. I write poetry, I like to dance, and long walks in the park or the beach. I like arts and crafts, sewing, going to concerts, enjoying the nightlife, and traveling the world. I’ve done a lot on my own, I’m ready to do it with someone now, Mr. Kim.”
“Namjoon, call me Namjoon.”
“Namjoon,” you repeat, nodding as you lick your lips, tasting your watermelon Chapstick.
“What would your ideal partner be like?” Namjoon asks as he waits for you to swallow the mouthful of food you’ve taken. You chew slowly, thinking of the mental checklist you had made earlier on your way to the café.
“I’d like someone ambitious, goal-oriented, and hardworking. Someone smart and funny, who doesn’t take things too seriously but they can if the matter requires it, ya know? I’d like someone who likes to read, spend time outdoors, isn’t afraid to try new things but is not too much of a risk-taker. I want someone caring, who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with me. I want to be able to open myself up to them and have them do the same in return. I’d like someone who can balance me out, dumb right?”
“Nothing you want is dumb, Y/n. It is my job to find a match for you, whether they are perfect or not is up to you. Do not be afraid to ask for exactly what you want. I am here to help you find them. Place your trust in me.”
“I can do that,” you assure him as you take a sip of your lemonade. “What makes you so qualified to be a matchmaker anyway?”
“Well, for one, I’m a certified marriage counselor and sex therapist. I’ve been doing this for well over five years and have a 98% success rate. Plus, your mother said your cousin is still very much happily married and is expecting soon. I keep up with all my clients and have several testimonies that I would be more than happy to show you.”
You remain silent, knowing he’s won this round but you refuse to admit it. He knows he’s won you over, a microscopic amount but that’s enough to draw you in and by the smirk tugging at his lips. Sighing, you give in, waving your hand for him to continue. Namjoon winks, smirking fully, ignoring the way you roll your eyes at him but he remains un-phased.
“What are the things you don’t want in a partner?” Namjoon continues down his list, asking in-depth questions about your career, family, accomplishments, your friends, your home, your exes, and it’s not until he brings up sex that you spit out your drink, spluttering everywhere.
Namjoon exhales heavily, wiping his binder with a napkin, “I guess I should have waited for you to swallow.”
Your eyes widen as you gape at him, he’s oblivious as he blots at his binder before he finally looks up. He quirks his head, bemused until he replays his last sentence.
His face immediately heats up, flushed with embarrassment as he tugs at his tie. Sweat beads on his brow as he clears his throat, “I sincerely apologize for that.”
You nod, too flustered to speak as you look away.
“I just need to know what you’re into,” Namjoon explains how your preferences help determine your matches. If you prefer vanilla only, he wouldn’t pair you with someone who was strictly into BDSM and vice versa.
“Is this really necessary?” You ask as you look around the restaurant, hoping nobody can hear your conversation.
“We can delve into this further at your house? I need to see how you live,” he shrugs as he pushes his glasses up. You sigh, giving in as you ask for the check.
Namjoon pays for your meal, despite him not eating much of his. You protest but he shushed you and took more notes before he went to his car to follow you home.
“This a nice house,” he comments the second he steps inside, walking around your living room as he sees a wall covered in picture frames beside a bookcase. You stand awkwardly behind the couch, allowing your matchmaker to write down every detail of everything he sees. He can tell you’re family-oriented, friends being second importance as he sees various pictures of you with them, some from high school prom it seems.
Namjoon takes notice of every book on your bookshelf, smiling when he sees your extensive collection of Funko Pops.
“The Addams Family?” Namjoon chuckles as he turns to face you.
“Three Wednesday Addams,” you nod with a small smile, proud of your collection as you open the drawers of your entertainment system to show him your DVD collection. Namjoon recognizes plenty of titles, taking notes before you show him your kitchen.
“Have a seat,” he instructs as he opens your cabinets, looking into its contents. He’s pleasantly surprised to see that your pots and pans are organized, your baking sheets as well. Your counters and stove are clean, your pantry is organized and labeled and your fridge is fully stocked with equal amounts of healthy food and indulgent food.
“Do you cook?”
“Yes, as often as possible,” you answer him.
“Would you like a partner who cooks?”
“It’s not a must-have but sure. I enjoy cooking, but my partner doesn’t have to. They must know how to feed themselves though,” Namjoon takes note as he leans on the counter facing you.
“So… sex.”
“Namjoon,” you whine.
“It has to be done for compatibility. Trust me, I don’t like asking either but better I ask now rather than later when you’re married and can’t orgasm,” you realize he had a point and answer his questions ruefully.
“When was the last time you had sex?”
“Namjoon!”
“If you can’t answer that, you’re not gonna like the rest of my questions,” he grins with a shake of his head.
You growl, “six months ago.”
“Have you been tested since? Any contraception?”
“Yes and yes.”
“All your answers are confidential, Y/n. Nobody but me will see these, so answer honestly,” Namjoon’s soft tone is reassuring as you try to answer honestly. You try not to get too flustered as all his questions become more and more obscene until he’s finally finished.
“See? That wasn’t so bad,” he chuckles as you lead him to your bedroom.
Namjoon takes note of your giant bed, the cleanliness of it, the framed pictures on the wall, and the band posters scattered around with ticket stubs to shows. He opens up your closet, noting how your wardrobe is organized by season, colors, and work clothes or clothes to go out on the town. He then moves on to your dresser, ignoring your protest as he opens the first drawer that holds your panties and bras.
“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” he shrugs as he shuts it before moving to the next drawer. You watch on in silence as he explores your bedroom before going into your en-suite bathroom and having a look in there as well.
“Where’s your hamper?” Namjoon sees the pile of dirty clothes on the floor and looks at you with a raised brow.
“In the laundry room,” you answer sheepishly. Namjoon gives you a curt nod before he asks you to show him the rest of the house.
“Would your friend…” Namjoon trails off as he shuffles through a few sheets of paper. Scanning through the pages quickly before stopping, “Min Yoongi, be opposed to meeting with me for a chat? I’ve already met with your parents and I’d like to meet with your friends as well.”
“What for?” You ask, perplexed.
“I need to get more information about you.”
“You have information about me!”
“Yes but I need to hear from everyone who knows you. I’m a professional, Y/n. I gather information to give you a high chance of finding the right partner for you. I don’t do this to be nosy, I do this to produce stellar results. Everything that is discussed about you is 100% confidential, I promise.”
“Fine,” you relent, giving him Yoongi’s phone number as you walk him to the door.
“You’ll be hearing from me in a few days,” Namjoon waves as he walks down the driveway to his silver Hyundai. You watch him leave, your arms crossed over your chest as the light breeze ruffles your hair. What had you gotten yourself into?
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True to his word, Namjoon calls you Wednesday evening to ask if you were free on Friday night to meet your first match.
You try to make up an excuse, any excuse, but your mother calls to remind you that she’s paying good money for Namjoon’s services, so you finally agree to meet your first match.
Namjoon texts you the details with a brief description of Taehyung, your first match. You forward the details to Yoongi, making sure your location is turned on as you get out of your car and stare up at the apartment building in front of you. You’re not entirely sure why you’re meeting here but you take in a deep breath and mutter, “you can do this” as you open the lobby door.
“Apartment 103,” you murmur as you pass by 101 and 102 before arriving at 103. You raise your fist to knock, hoping you’ve done it loud enough to be heard over the booming music coming from inside the apartment.
“Going,” they call back before the door opens and a pungent scent fills your nose, a cloud of smoke rising from the man you assume is Taehyung. He’s tall, his hair dark brown, shaggy with a slight curl, his large hand wrapped around the doorknob before he leans against the doorframe. He eyes you up and down, his dark eyes hazy as he raises a dark brow in question.
“Are you here to buy weed? You don’t look like the type who does more than that,” he chuckles as he checks you out once again, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip. You scowl, taking a step back, “You’re Taehyung?”
“Yeah, who sent you?”
“Nobody. I have to go,” you turn, practically running down the hall and out the lobby door before Taehyung can even blink. He stares after you, shaking his head at the loss of a sale before he goes back into his apartment.
“Come on, come on!” you grit your teeth, sitting in your car as you start it before connecting your phone to the Bluetooth on your stereo. The line trills a few more times before you’re sent to voicemail.
“Kim Namjoon! You better answer your phone this instant! What the ever-loving fuck?! You set me up with a drug dealer?! Is this part of your 98% success rate?! Call me the fuck back!”
You hang up, steaming with anger as you pull out of the parking spot to drive home. Halfway home, you receive a phone call that you quickly answer.
“Namjoon! How dare you? You set me up with a drug dealer!”
“I-what? That’s impossible! I run background checks on all my clients. Are you sure it was Taehyung?”
“Of course I’m sure,” you scoff as you grip the steering wheel tighter before stopping at a red light. You try to inhale and exhale slowly before continuing. “He was tall, had dark brown hair and a smiley piercing.”
“He didn't have a piercing last time I saw him, are you sure?”
“He answered to his name. Namjoon, I trusted you,” you groan as the light changes to green and you pull into your neighborhood.
Namjoon is silent, feeling bad about setting you up with Taehyung. He had seen him about two months ago and even though he had run a background check and looked profusely into him, he had no idea about Taehyung selling drugs, especially since it had been a big deal-breaker for you. He had to fix this, he had to make this right. He wouldn’t fail you, not when you had trusted him to do his job. He’d find you the perfect man, he swore it to himself.
Namjoon is gobsmacked, “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m truly sorry! I swear I didn’t know he was doing that. I talked to him two months ago to make sure he still wanted to be matched but I don’t know where the drug dealing came from. I will be taking him off my client list permanently. Your next match will be thoroughly vetted, and I will do a personal, surprise home visit to ensure your safety.”
“I don’t know if I want to try this again, Joon. Once was bad enough,” you get out of your car, placing your phone on speaker as you unlock the front door.
“Please, let me make this right. I owe that to you,” Namjoon pleads, his heart racing in his chest as he’s met with absolute silence.
“You’ll pick someone better? Do a thorough check on them, a new one?” You ask as you plop down on your couch, your eyes landing on the clock on your wall. It was still early enough, maybe you could go over to Yoongi’s to hang out or go for a late dinner. Your stomach growls at that moment.
“Yes, yes! I’ll do better. I’ll be in touch soon,” Namjoon assures you before he wishes you a good night, apologizing one last time before he hangs up. You sigh, wondering what trouble you’ve signed yourself up for.
Your phone rings. Yoongi’s face appears on your screen before you answer with a smile, your Friday night had just been salvaged.
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When Namjoon contacts you once again, he gives you a more in-depth background of your next date, Jimin. You read through his email, biting your lower lip as you contemplate going on the date. Namjoon texts you seconds later.
[Namjoon]: Give him a chance, I met with him yesterday and he’s not a drug dealer. You’ll be meeting at London’s on Main St. at 8 pm. I’ll be on call if you need me. He’ll be wearing a gray coat and a black beret.
[You]: I don’t know, Joon.
[Namjoon]: Give me one more chance to make it right.
You sigh, rereading his text as you read the short paragraph about Jimin.
[You]: Fine.
* If it were possible, you were more nervous about this date than the first. You immediately felt better to be meeting at a restaurant instead of someone’s apartment, and as you stepped inside, you began scanning the immediate area for Jimin.
You spotted him at a table, his phone in his hands as he looked up and caught your gaze. He smiled brightly, his eyes turning into half-moons as he raised his hand to wave at you. You relaxed, grinning as you crossed the floor to meet him. He stood as you arrived at the table, helping you into your seat before he took his seat.
“Y/N?”
“Yes, Jimin?” He nodded, immediately asking how your day was. You answered him, appreciating the way he could start a conversation and keep it going. He made it seem effortless but you knew it was something you still struggled with so you appreciated the effort he was putting in.
Jimin seemed normal enough, you thought as you eyed him. He removed his hat and his golden locks fell freely, his hand running through them; possibly a nervous habit. He smirked, catching you looking at him longer than necessary.
“Have you been here before?” he asked as the waiter arrived to take your drink orders and asked if he could get you anything else.
You gave him your order before Jimin, smiling slightly as the waiter wrote it down and went on his way.
“This is my first time here,” you answer Jimin as you look around the restaurant. It’s dimly lit to create a more romantic ambiance and you wonder if Jimin chose the place or if it was Namjoon. How much had Namjoon been involved in your date?
“Same here, I usually see it on my way to work,” Jimin states as he looks over your shoulder, eyeing the bar and the bartender behind it.
“Where do you work?”
“I own the bookstore on 5th and Main,” Jimin responds as he sees the waiter coming with your drinks. You welcome the interruption, wondering what else you could ask him. You didn’t know much about him like you would someone you met online, and at the moment, you wished you had met him online.
The waiter approaches the table but slips before he reaches you, spilling your drinks on the floor. Jimin jumps in his seat, eyes wide as the cold drinks splash his pants.
“What the fuck?!” He shouts as he rises from his seat, the waiter immediately begins apologizing but Jimin won’t hear any of it. He yells at the waiter, calls him names as he storms off to the bathroom. You’ve gained the attention of every patron in the building, some of the workers peeking from the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologize to the waiter, taking money out of your purse to pay for the drinks and tipping him. The waiter protests but you shake your head, “please.”
The waiter nods, “Thank you.”
“Don’t listen to him. He shouldn’t have treated you like that. It was an accident,” You say as you take your leave before Jimin can come back. You get in your car and immediately drive off, not bothering to wait for your phone to connect to your Bluetooth.
When you arrive home, you get out of your car before storming inside your home. You kick your shoes off before dialing Namjoon’s phone number, placing it on speaker as you take your dress off, allowing it to pool at your feet.
“Y/N, don’t tell me he sells drugs too? I sat outside his house all week and nobody unusual came to his house,” Namjoon says as he answers the call.
“No, Joon. That’s not the-wait, you sat outside his house for a week?” You ask as you grab your phone on your way to your bedroom to throw on your pajamas.
“No?” Joon tried to backpedal but you were already grinning like a madman.
“You weren’t kidding when you said you’d vet this date better, huh? I gotta say, wasn’t expecting you to do some stalking,” you mused as you got into bed, your phone in your hands.
“I wasn’t stalking him, Y/N. I was gathering information. Anyway, that’s beside the point. It’s only 7:40, why are you already calling me?”
"You set me up on another bad date, Joon!"
"How? Jimin was perfect! What could have gone wrong?" Namjoon was genuinely puzzled as he walked over to his desk, taking a seat on his plush leather chair. He rolled his chair forward, Jimin's file laid on the solid cherry wood. Namjoon grabbed his glasses off the desk to put them on before picking up Jimin's file.
"He wasn't perfect, Namjoon," you scoff as you roll onto your back, staring up at the ceiling.
"Park Jimin, 26 years old, owns and works at his own bookstore, graduated from a 4-year university where he majored in literature. Owns his own home, has traveled around the world, and does not sell drugs."
"You seem to only be focusing on the not selling drugs part, and while I do appreciate it, that's not why I left the date early," You begin to explain. Namjoon hums in response, waiting for you to continue.
"Tell me, Joonie-"
"Joonie?"
"Yes, Joonie. Did you ever sit down and have a chat with Jimin?"
"What?" Namjoon is genuinely confused as he sets his file back down on the desk, spinning in his chair with his phone pressed tightly to his ear. "Of course I did! The same interview you had, I had with him and Taehyung. I admit, Taehyung slipped through the cracks somehow but how could Jimin? He's an angel and not just because of his ethereal looks."
"Joon," you sigh heavily, not wanting to burst his bubble.
"Yes?"
"Oh, Joon. Joonie, Joonie, Joon, my sweet boy."
"What?" Namjoon huffs as he waits for you to finally say something, anything.
"Jimin is rude as fuck. He yelled at the waiter who spilled our drinks on accident. Some landed on him and he stormed off to the bathroom, so I took the opportunity to dip," you explain.
"Jimin? My Jimin did that?" Namjoon can hardly believe what you've just told him. There was no way Jimin could have done that, there had to be some sort of mistake, right? Namjoon had known Jimin for a few months now, he had even hung out with him on a few occasions while he tried to find a match for him. Jimin had been anything but rude, so Namjoon was having a hard time believing he had yelled at someone, especially over an accident.
"Your Jimin? Something you wanna tell me?"
"Oh hush," Namjoon grunts as he shuts Jimin's file. He would have to take your word for it at this point. You hadn't given a reason for him to doubt you, and he trusted you to be honest with him. Besides, this would explain why Jimin was still available after setting him up on multiple dates with multiple potential partners. This was, however, the first time someone had mentioned the date failing over him yelling at a waiter. Namjoon wrote a reminder in his planner to contact everyone he had set up with Jimin and ask about his behavior and why they had chosen not to pursue him further.
"I'm sorry, Y/N. It looks like I have failed you once again. Don't worry, I won't be charging you for my services. I'll call your mother in the morning and apologize for wasting both of your time."
"Namjoon, that's not necessary. Just set me up with someone else. Preferably someone who is genuinely polite to everyone. I can't stand rude people at all, much less those who yell and make a scene," you say, wincing as you remember Jimin's face as he yelled and cursed.
You made a mental note not to ever visit his bookstore.
"Are you sure?" Namjoon seemed hesitant to set you up once again, he usually got it right the first time. He wasn't going to lie, he was feeling discouraged about failing twice, this hadn't happened since his first year when he had been overeager to make matches that he often made mistakes. He knew better after years of practice, so he was apprehensive about trying once again.
"I trust you. Trial and error, right? I mean, if I couldn't find my perfect match on my own on my first go, then I don't expect you to either, despite your experience. It's a process, isn't it?"
Namjoon knew you were right but it was because he had experience that he felt like a failure.
"All right," Namjoon acquiesced, he sighed deeply as he placed his chin in his hand, his fingers drumming on it. "Let's give it another go. I'll be in touch but it may be a while longer before I reach out. I want to make sure I get it right this time."
"Take your time, Joon. I'm rooting for you," you smile as you sit up in bed, suddenly not wanting to hang up.
"I will, I promise. Try to get some rest," he tells you, you ruefully agree, wishing him goodnight and hanging up. You immediately fell back into your pillows, arms spread on the bed, you already missed the sound of his voice.
Namjoon placed his elbows on the desk, his head falling into his hands before he rubbed his eyes, groaning at the feeling.
"Get your shit together, Joon."
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When nearly three weeks pass, you begin to worry about your matchmaker. He hadn't contacted you at all and you wondered if it was a bad sign? Were you completely incompatible with all his clients? Or worse, what if something had happened to him and you had no idea? Surely, someone would call, right?
You paced back and forth in your living room while Yoongi tried to catch glimpses of the TV behind you, where you had put on Parasite and he was actually trying to watch it.
"Just text him," Yoongi told you for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.
"I don't wanna bother him," you protested, dodging the couch cushion that he threw at you instead of telling you to move once again.
"Then sit down and let me watch this, Y/N. I've been wanting to watch this for ages, and I've missed the first ten minutes. I need to restart it now," Yoongi huffed as he restarted the movie and placed his feet on the coffee table so you wouldn't be able to walk in front of him anymore.
"Should I text him? What would you do if you were me?" You ask your frustrated best friend, who responds by turning up the volume.
"Text him before I take your phone and do it myself. Didn't you say your next match would take longer? Let him do his job. After Jimin, I'd let him take months if he had to."
"Yeah," you said in a defeated tone, finally sitting down beside Yoongi, grabbing the cushion he had tossed at you and placing it in your lap to hug to your chest. You stared at your phone, tapping it to keep it from going dark.
"I can do this. I can do this," you repeat as you try to hype yourself up, tapping on your thread with Namjoon. You're not sure why you suddenly feel squeamish, almost like butterflies have invaded your stomach.
Yoongi rolls his eyes but is glad you've finally decided to text Namjoon and get some answers.
Your fingers hover over the keys, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you inhale profoundly through your nose. You quickly type a message, hitting send before you can freak yourself out.
Yoongi leans over, his head resting on your shoulder, he tries to cough to cover up a laugh but fails miserably.
"All that for 'hey'?"
"Yoongi!" You pull your phone to your chest, hiding it from your nosy best friend.
"What? I was curious," he shrugs as he turns his eyes back to the screen, becoming captivated by the movie and no longer interested in your predicament.
Your phone vibrates a minute later, you open it embarrassingly fast,
[Namjoon]: Hey, sorry for not reaching out sooner. I've been working on finding your next date on top of my other caseloads but I've narrowed it down to three possible candidates.
[You]: That's great!
Yoongi peeks at your phone and chortles.
You poke him in the side, "watch your movie."
[Namjoon]: Yes, I've arranged for you to meet next Saturday night at the Lunar Bar on 10th Street at 8 pm.
[You]: Thank you, Joonie! I'll be there!
Namjoon doesn't reply after that, instead, he takes a closer look at Hoseok's file, reviewing it once again. Nothing changes from this inspection but Namjoon feels confident in his choice. The both of you have a lot in common. From careers to hobbies, to goals, and even an interest in music.
Namjoon was growing desperate for a winner, especially since he had helped out his other clients rather quickly, some had only gone on one date before they thanked him for setting them up with their perfect match.
"Focus," he told himself as he looked from Hoseok's file to yours and back again. He had highlighted all similarities, underlined anything that may cause the two of you to clash.
"I've got it this time, I know I do," Namjoon stated confidently, a small smile tugging at his lips as he shut both files.
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Saturday comes quicker than expected, you spend the whole day trying to pick an outfit. First date jitters invade your body as the clock ticks down faster to 8 pm.
Yoongi has come and gone, wishing you luck as he dropped you off at the entrance with a hug before sending you off.
"Call me if you need a ride!" He calls after you, you give him a thumbs-up before walking into the building.
"Black leather jacket, red rose," you chant softly as you look around the bar. The music is rather loud and dimly lit as you make your way through the high tables and finally spot a leather jacket. A man is sitting at the end of the bar, his hands twirling the stem of a red rose. You notice the way his leg bounces up and down, no doubt out of nervousness,
Your breath gets caught in your throat, his side profile is gorgeous. The slope of his nose, his high cheekbones, and as he turns in your direction, you notice his heart-shaped lips right before they lift in a dazzling smile that has your heart skyrocketing.
"Y/N," he says your name in a sultry way that sends tingles down your spine.
"Wow," you breathe as he rises from his seat with a chuckle.
"I can say the same about you," Hoseok smiles flirtatiously, your cheeks blooming with heat as he helps you onto a seat.
"It's nice to meet you," you smile, thanking him as he hands you the rose.
"It's nice to meet you as well; you're gorgeous." You thank him for the compliment as the bartender approaches you, asking Hoseok if he'd like a refill. He nods, thanking the bartender before she takes your drink order.
You note that he was polite, already feeling at ease and grateful that Namjoon had made sure Hoseok wasn't rude to the bartender. You'd still keep an eye on him though; you didn't want to fall into a false sense of security around him and then have him snap.
"Do you wanna have a seat over there?" Hoseok asks as the bartender returns with your drinks.
You look over your shoulder, noticing how much louder the tables seemed to be. It seemed more intimate to stay at the bar and be able to hear each other, so you tell him so. Hoseok agrees, moving closer to you as he asks you about your work, giving you his undivided attention.
He makes you nervous, whether, in a good way or bad, you're not entirely sure at the moment. You stir your drink with your straw, giggling at something he's said as you look at him through your peripheral.
Hoseok is at ease, legs slightly spread as he leans in closer with the pretense of hearing you better, but in all honesty, he finds himself wanting to be nearer.
*
"So then Yoongi bursts in to see me crying on the floor, covered in flour with the fire alarm blaring," you shake your head as a giggle escapes you. Hoseok chuckles as he nods along, swirling his drink in his cup before chugging it and asking for another.
"Do you hang out with Yoongi often?" Hoseok asks as he orders another drink, the bartender bringing it immediately.
"Pretty often, we've been friends since freshman year in high school. Do you have any friends from high school?" You take a sip of your drink, wondering what else you could possibly talk about.
"Just one," Hoseok starts, sipping his drink. "His name is Taehyung."
You freeze, eyes widening as you look at him, "Taehyung? He doesn't happen to live on Wayver Avenue?"
"Yeah!" Hoseok beams. "You know him?"
"Yeah," you force a smile, swirling your drink. "I met him once, briefly."
“I haven’t seen him much lately, he got into some stuff he shouldn’t have,” Hoseok looks away, sipping his drink before turning to face you once again. “He’s actually the one who introduced me to Namjoon.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, it was before Taehyung started… Anyway, he always talked about meeting his soulmate but after dating around, he didn’t feel like he could, so he hired Namjoon. I figured if he trusted Namjoon, I should as well. This is actually the first date Namjoon has set me up on.”
You’re not sure how to react to his admission, you go to grab your drink but out of nervousness you end up spilling it. Your drink ends up on your shoes and Hoseok’s jeans.
“Fuck,” you groan as you set the glass upright, shoving the ice back into it before looking at Hoseok. You hope he won’t yell at you as Jimin did at the waiter, your heart sinks at the thought and you bristle as you meet Hoseok’s gaze.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologize, taking your napkin and handing it to him. He chuckles, shaking his head, “it’s not the first time I’ve had a drink spilled on me at a bar. Don’t worry about it.”
He takes the napkin from you and gets out of his seat, squatting in front of you. You look at him perplexed, your head quirked to the side as you wonder what he’s doing.
“May I?” he asks, pointing at the droplets of the alcohol on your shoes. You nod, your face flushing with heat as he cautiously dabs at your shoes. You remain silent as he takes a hold of your ankle, bringing it onto his thigh to clean up any of the remainders of your drink before he grins up at you and sets the napkin on another before calling the bartender over.
“Thank you,” you clear your throat awkwardly, finding it hard to meet his eyes.
Hoseok steps closer to you, his subtle cologne making you inhale softly; you decide you like his scent.
“Hey,” his voice is soft, his fingers placed under your chin to make you look up at him. His warm smile has your heart racing, his dark eyes show no anger and you feel yourself relax. He wasn’t upset.
“Let me close my tab and we can walk on the town square,” he suggests and you nod, offering to pay but he shakes his head as he quickly closes the tab and helps you out of your seat. You’ve had a bit to drink but only enough to be slightly tipsy and almost fully coherent as you allow Hoseok to place his large hand on the small of your back as he leads you out of the building.
The two of you walk side by side, passing the other bars and restaurants as you walk toward the town square, where a large fountain sits, circled by stone benches. The square has multiple businesses surrounding it, families and other couples walking about as they enjoy their night.
The two of you find a bench to sit at, quickly falling into a conversation about your work life and his. You find that you enjoy listening to him talk, you enjoy the way his eyes light up when he talks about his friends, and how he laughs when he tells you about his first date that turned out to be a disaster.
By the time Yoongi is picking you up, you find that you quite like Hoseok, and would like to see him again. Yoongi is glad to hear about your date, he had been worried it would turn out badly like the first two, and although he may still be wary of Namjoon and his matchmaking skills, the smile on your face has him coming around to it all.
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Namjoon touches base with you the following morning, seeing as he hadn’t gotten a call last night from you, he was a tad worried.
[Namjoon]: Good morning! Can I assume Hoseok was normal?
[You]: Good morning, Joon! Yes, you can safely assume Hoseok was normal. Rather pleasant, although I did spill my drink on him
[Namjoon]: Yikes! How did that go?
[You]: he laughed it off, thank goodness. I was worried he’d make a scene like Jimin did but no, all was well and we went to the town square after.
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Namjoon sits back in his chair, his phone on his desk, ringing as he waits for Hoseok to answer. He’s not sure what to expect, but he had high hopes that this match could actually move forward after your input.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Hoseok. I’m just calling to check in. Is now a good time for you?” Namjoon asked as he picked up a pen, Hoseok’s file open in front of him. His messy scrawl already marked the page from before, now he was looking to add a few more notes.
“Yeah, I’m free. What’s up?”
“How did the date go?” Namjoon inquired, biting his bottom lip out of nervousness.
Hoseok sighed heavily, he sat on the floor of his office’s gym, glad nobody had joined him for a workout. Namjoon had a sinking feeling in his stomach.
“It was…fine."
“Fine?” Namjoon repeated, taking note of the tone Hoseok had used. “Just fine?”
“I mean, she was cute and everything but I just didn’t feel like it could lead anywhere. Plus, she knew Tae, and… he’s been up to some stuff I’m not into lately, ya know? How else would she know him? You didn’t tell me she did drugs, Namjoon. Was that an oversight on your part?” Hoseok was genuinely curious as he began stretching, figuring his workout was as good as over.
“Hoseok,” Namjoon groaned. This was a mess. “I set her up with Taehyung, but I swear I didn’t know he was selling drugs. I found out after,” Namjoon explained and Hoseok hummed in response.
“So you thought he was a better match for her?”
“At first, yes. She’s not into Taehyung’s new scene if that’s what you’re worried about. She had a good time,” Namjoon supplies, in hopes Hoseok will change his mind in regards to your date.
“That’s good to know at least,” Hoseok dismissed as he moved onto a different stretch, putting his call on speaker.
“That doesn’t change how you feel about her, does it?” Namjoon rubbed his large palm over his face. When did his job get so complicated? He had such an amazing streak going, making perfect couples and then you came along and he was thrown out of orbit. What was he doing wrong?
“No, man.” Hoseok sighed, he was never good with rejection but at least he didn’t have to say it to your face, that would be Namjoon’s job.“She’s a sweet girl, funny, smart, all that and that’s great but I just didn’t think we really had a connection.”
“I understand,” Namjoon murmured.
“I genuinely hope she finds her match and I hope to find mine as well. Keep in touch, Namjoon.” With that, Hoseok ended the call. Namjoon cursed, setting his phone carelessly on the desk as his head fell into the palm of his hands.
He had been sure about Hoseok and now he had to tell you it was a no-go once again. Three. Three matches that had gone to hell for him and now he wasn’t sure what to do. Well, he did know what to do but he wanted to delay it as long as possible. Would it be better for him to call you or meet up to let you know face-to-face? Namjoon wasn’t sure, he couldn’t understand why he was having a hard time with this. It wasn't his first time doing this, so why was he nervous?
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[Namjoon]: Can I see you tonight?
[You]: You can come by at 7. Is something wrong?
[Namjoon]: I’ll see you then.
You wonder what Namjoon has to see you about that he can't just say through text before realizing it probably had to do with your date with Hoseok the night before. You sigh, shaking your head before getting into the shower to try and clear your head.
You spend the rest of the day cleaning your home while texting Yoongi until Namjoon shows up at 7 o’clock on the dot. You greet him as you let him in, offering him a drink that he declines. You lead him to your kitchen table, sitting across from him.
“I need to talk to you about last night,” Namjoon starts and you sigh heavily.
“Hoseok doesn’t want to see me again?”
“I... you’re right.”
“I knew it,” you sigh before pouting. “I thought it had gone well.”
“These things happen…” Namjoon avoids meeting your gaze as he rubs his sweaty palms on his pants before biting his lip. “How about you and I go out tonight?”
“On a date?” your brows furrowed in confusion.
Namjoon’s eyes widened, “No! I meant like out to see where your interests lie. If I can get to know you on a more personal level, I can find your perfect match. It’ll be better than going off on the info sheet your mom gave me.”
You bite your lip. Namjoon waits patiently for your answer and after a silent debate, you give in.
“Fine, fine.”
“Great, I’ll call you later tonight and we’ll set something up. You won’t regret this!” Namjoon states with enthusiasm. You nod, hoping he’s right.
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“I don’t know about this, Joon.” You look apprehensive as you get strapped into your vest.
“Trust me, okay? You’ll have fun, and if you don’t, then it’ll help my portfolio.” Namjoon smiles and you give in when you see his dimples appear.
Namjoon puts on his vest before you grab a laser gun and follow him inside.
“Stay close,” he calls over his shoulder. You try to but once he goes inside, a crowd of kids gets between you and you lose him.
You try your best to look for him but when the countdown starts, you panic and run up the incline to the second floor, where you hide in hopes of not being eliminated off the bat.
Your hiding spot works well for a minute or so before a child spots you and shoots you. Your vest lights up and you huff in annoyance before shooting the kid back, which causes him to break out in tears.
“I guess I should take off ‘loves children’ from your portfolio?” Your eyes widen at hearing Namjoon’s voice from beside you.
You look at the sobbing child, smiling at Namjoon, “he shot me first.”
Namjoon chuckles before he takes your hand in his after the child runs off.
“Come on, I’m not about to lose you again,” he says as he holds your hand throughout the layout, having you watch his back as the two of you eliminate as many players as possible before your time is up.
The last 60 seconds are on the clock and Namjoon spots the crying child has come back for you, only this time, he’s got his big brother with him.
Namjoon presses you against the wall. You gasp, eyes wide as your eyes lock. Namjoon’s chest rises and falls with his heavy breathing, as does yours as you look at his lips then his eyes.
Namjoon subconsciously licks his lips, tilting his head slightly, his fingers lacing with yours as he looks at your lips. Your stomach bubbles with anticipation, your heart beating furiously in your chest as you await his kiss.
Just as Namjoon leans in, and you wait for the press of his lips, he gets shot by that child. The sound startled the both of you, making you laugh awkwardly as Namjoon curses. He shoots the child again just as the timer goes off.
“Come on,” he says as the lights turn on and you follow him out. You’re not sure what that was back on the floor but you feel disappointed that your kiss didn’t happen.
“What was your nickname?” Namjoon asks as he looks up at the scoreboard.
“-heaven.” You murmur. Namjoon looks at you, a brow raised. “What?”
You huff, embarrassed. “Amatchmadeinheaven”
Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head.
“Well, what's yours?” You roll your eyes at him and he grins widely, winking at you. Your heart flutters in your chest.
“Right there,” he points and you look to see that he’s somehow placed in the top three. His nickname: Cupid.
“Very original,” you giggle as he laughs with you, helping you out of your vest before he gets out of his. He doesn’t hesitate to take your hand before leading you to another section of the gaming area.
“Bowling?” You ask flabbergasted as Namjoon hands you a pair of shoes that happen to be your size.
When Namjoon sees your questioning stare, he merely shrugs and says, “portfolio.”
“Is there anything my mother didn’t tell you?” You wonder as you sit beside him to take your shoes off.
“She doesn’t know how many people you’ve slept with. She thinks you’re a virgin actually,” Namjoon chuckles. You can feel heat rise to your face.
“She does not!” You cry out in protest and Namjoon laughs harder, tears running down his cheeks.
He takes a few moments to collect himself, “she totally does.”
“Joon!”
“Talk with her,” he suggests as he gets down on one knee in front of you. He takes your foot in his hand and helps you put on your bowling shoes.
“Do you have a foot fetish I should know about?” Namjoon asks and you rip your foot out of his hands.
“No! Do you?” You shriek, he laughs again.
“No, now give me your foot so I can tie your shoes and I can beat you.”
“You’re too confident for someone who’s about to lose,” you remark as you lift your other foot for him to put your shoe on. Namjoon rolls his eyes, tying your shoes extra tight in retaliation. When you whine, he loosens it up.
“Show me what you’ve got then,” he stands to lead you to your lane. You quickly type in your name before typing in Cupid for Joon.
“Smartass,” he mumbles under his breath.
“I’ll go first,” you say as you grab a bowling ball and step up onto the lanes. You inhale before stepping forward, shutting your eyes as you move the ball back and then forward before releasing it. You open your eyes and with bated breath, you watch the ball roll down the lane halfway before it goes into the gutter.
“That sucked,” Joon states as you walk back toward him and shove him before grabbing another ball and taking your second turn.
You manage to knock down half the pins this time, and you make sure to stick your tongue out at Joon.
When it’s Namjoon’s turn, he steps right up with his ball and doesn’t hesitate to toss it. It hits all the pins in a strike.
“Show off,” you grumble.
Namjoon winks at you before he takes a seat beside you. You’re up next.
You’re not sure what it is, but your next three turns end with gutter balls throughout and you’re stewing in your seat.
“Want me to tell them to put the rails up?” Namjoon teases as he hits another strike.
“Fuck you,” you huff. “How’d you get so good?”
“I played in a league as a teen,” Namjoon explains.
“Cheater,” you grin, poking his dimple. He laughs. “How is that cheating?”
“You’ve had years of training that led up to this moment!”
Namjoon guffaws, looking at you incredulously, “so I played for years and won national championships throughout my life just to be here in this very moment to beat you?”
“Duh,” you stick your tongue out at him. Namjoon scoffs, rolling his eyes before you get up from your seat and grab a ball.
You gasp when you feel him behind you, his left arm wrapped around your waist and his other guiding your right hand before you release the ball. You wonder if he can feel the frantic beating of your heart as his taut chest presses against your back.
Namjoon watches the ball roll until it hits the pins, all of them falling except for one that’s spinning. With bated breath, you both watch as the bowling pin falls and you scream in excitement, startling the other players.
“I did it!”
“You did,” he chuckles as you watch the scoreboard change to STRIKE. You jump up and down before wrapping your arms around Namjoon and hugging him tightly.
“How about you try it again on your next turn?” Namjoon asks as he steps up, his eyes focused on the pins as he lets the ball go, watching it roll and roll until the pins clatter on the wood.
“I’ll try my best.” You pick up a purple ball and hold it in your hands, inhaling and exhaling. “Here goes nothing.”
Namjoon gives you a thumbs up when you look at him before releasing the ball. You bite your lip waiting for it to roll slowly down the lane until it falls into the gutter. You curse, pouting and huffing when you hear someone shout, “We love a gutter queen!”
You frown, running to Namjoon, who is now standing. He’s surprised when your body slams into his, your arms around his waist, and your face buried in his chest.
He can feel the heat of your body through his mustard-colored sweater and his cheeks bloomed with heat. He rubs your back, whispering that it’s okay and you did your best.
“I’m a Gutter Queen,” you huff angrily, holding him tighter. He chuckles, the rumbling of his chest has you whining further as embarrassment sets in.
“So I heard,” you can practically hear the smirk on his lips, so you slide your hand under his sweater, not hearing his soft gasp before you pinch his side.
“Ow!” He yelps, stepping back. You stick your tongue out at him, quickly stepping out of his hold before he can retaliate.
“Your turn.”
*
Two hours and several rematches later, you and Namjoon sit on a bench in the town square inside a beautiful gazebo that overlooks the lake. You’ve both got ice cream cones with your favorites as you finally take a moment to relax.
“Are you always this competitive? Or did I get to see a special side of you?” Namjoon questions you, genuinely intrigued.
“I’m not competitive,” you state as you lick your ice cream.
“We played six games in a row because you couldn’t stand to lose,” Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head. “And you still lost!”
“Hey! You said you weren’t going to rub it in!”
“Haha… I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“Anyway… what made you want to become a matchmaker?” Namjoon freezes at your question. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“I guess I just wanted to help people find their match.” he shrugs. “I was a counselor for a while and saw so many couples calling it quits and I know it wasn’t my fault. Some issues just can’t be solved, even with counseling.” You nod, biting your ice cream and making Namjoon cringe.
“Don’t judge me!”
He laughs.
“I got tired of seeing relationships end, of couples not being compatible but being married regardless. Some married for money, others for looks, some for sex, and some for all of the above. I wanted to build couples that would last for the long run. I became obsessed with it once I got a high success rate…” Namjoon licks his melting ice cream, biting the cone.
“I lost myself in my success until you came along and brought me back down to Earth. I’m not as high and mighty as I thought.”
“You tried your best,” you shrug as you continue to eat your ice cream.
“I wouldn’t call it my best…” Namjoon bites his lip. “I just wanted to find someone for you. I thought it would be easy but you showed me that I can make mistakes. I want to fix them… I do, but your mother has given me a timeline.”
“What?”
“She wants you married in six weeks.” He nods, recoiling when you glare at him.
“Married?!?!”
“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Namjoon sighs heavily, rubbing his palms over his face. Maybe he should have met with you and your mother instead of assuming you knew about your mother's plans.
“Joon! My mother expects me to be married at the end of this?” Your voice has gone up an octave or two but you don’t care as you sit down. You place your hand on your chest, feeling the rapid thump of your heart.
“Look, you don’t have to get married…”
“I’m not! I’m most definitely not!”
“I’m sure your mother would be content with you meeting someone but she did tell me she wanted you married.”
“I need to go home,” you state as you take his hand in yours and tug him in the direction of his car.
When he pulls into your driveway, you thank him for your night out and the ride home. You squeeze his hand, leaning over the center console to kiss his cheek before getting out of his car.
You’re too enraged at your mother, dialing her number the moment you’re on your porch, you don’t notice Namjoon placing his hand over your kiss, blushing as he hopes the fluttering in his chest will cease as he pulls out of the driveway.
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After a lengthy conversation with your mother, you feel slightly more at ease. She’s agreed to put marriage on the back burner for now but shall you get proposed to, she’ll want you to say yes if you even have a crush on the man.
[Joon-bug 💘]: Hey, everything okay?
[You]: Yeah. Just had a chat with my mother
[You]: Thank you for last night…. I had a lot of fun
[Joon-bug 💘]: No need to thank me, I’m glad you had fun. I know you’re probably still in shock of last night’s revelations
[Joon-bug 💘]: But I was hoping I could take you out Friday night?
You squeal with excitement, feeling butterflies in your stomach as you throw yourself on your bed with your phone clutched in your hands.
[You]: Sure! That sounds fun
[Joon-bug 💘]: Great! I’ll text you Friday
You smile as you read his last text before setting your phone aside. Yoongi raises a brow as he lays beside you in your bed.
“Joonie?” He asks as he looks over your shoulder with a smirk. You poke his chest, “He’s taking me out on Friday. He wants to learn more about me so he can find my perfect match.”
“So you’re dating your matchmaker?”
“No! He’s just getting to know me…” you trail off, rolling over on your side to face your best friend. He grins, pushing your hair out of your eyes before caressing your cheek.
“It’s okay to fall for someone, Y/n. Whether it’s your perfect match or your matchmaker. You don’t have to close yourself off again.” You swallowed thickly, pushing back the tears that well in your eyes.
In a tiny, barely audible voice you say, “I know.”
Yoongi sighs, pulling you into his arms. You curl up into his side, your hand resting on his chest as you feel the thumping of his heart. He wonders if you ever think about your relationship, and how maybe it could have been more than it was in high school. Did you ever think of him as more than a friend? Or were all those feelings gone? He wasn’t sure. All he was sure of though, was that he wouldn’t stand in your way of finding true happiness and love, because if anyone deserved it, it was you.
“Let’s take a nap, sweet girl. We can watch a movie after,” you nod as you pull your blanket over the both of you, closing your eyes until you’re fast asleep.
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“Where are we going Joon Bug?” You ask as you try to keep up with Namjoon.
“You’ll see!” Namjoon says as he takes your hand in his to lead you past a crowd of people on the sidewalk, unbothered by his new nickname. You’re not sure where he’s taking you but you were excited to find out.
Namjoon picked you up thirty minutes ago and now you were ducking and diving in between pedestrians as he led you to an unknown location. Now you were wondering if wearing heels was the right choice. It wasn’t. If parking wasn’t so terrible, maybe you’d have been fine but it was Friday night and everyone was out and about, so you just had to deal with it.
“We’re here,” Namjoon says as he comes to a stop in front of a gigantic building that has a sign above the front door that reads ‘Helios’.
“Come on,” Namjoon squeezes your hand as he walks up to the host. He gives him his name and the two of you are whisked away to a private table.
Namjoon pulls your chair out for you and you thank him with a demure smile as he takes his seat after.
“I’ve got another place to take you to after dinner for drinks,” Namjoon mentions as he takes his menu and opens it. You do the same, admiring the gold font and trying to read the menu items with the dim lighting.
Your foot moves, brushing his and he chuckles, raising a brow. “You said no to the foot fetish?”
You kick him.
“So did you.” You grin before the waiter comes over and brings you glasses of water before they leave.
“Why did you pick this place?” You ask as you look around and see the patrons laughing and talking animatedly all around you. You’re glad you’re not underdressed as you tug on the hem of your dress.
“It’s my favorite,” Namjoon shrugs noncommittally. “Plus, I figured we could talk.”
“We have talked,” you point out and he rolls his eyes.
“About your foot fetish, yes.”
“I loathe you!”
Namjoon smirks. “No, you don’t.”
You glare at him, knowing he’s right. You huff instead and go back to reading the menu, ignoring his next attempt at conversation before the waiter appears to take your order and leaves the two of you on your own once again.
Namjoon finds himself gazing at you as you admire the flowers in the vase on the table, your hands brushing the petals as you smile. He ignores the rapid beating of his heart as you lock eyes with him.
He was startled, eyes widening with surprise. “N-nothing.”
“Do you bring all your dates here?” You inquire, your gaze sending shivers down his back. He gulps, licking his lips before answering.
“No.”
It’s a simple answer, and yet you’re not satisfied.
“No?”
“No.”
You realize you won’t be getting anywhere at this rate. Your fingers toy with the flower petals, trying to come off nonchalant as you ask, “who then?”
“Friends mostly. Sometimes family,” Namjoon answers honestly. You nod, wondering if you should try to pry or not. “Anyway, I think you’ll like it, and if you don’t, then you never have to come back.”
“Win-win,” you chuckle as he nods.
* Dinner goes off without a hitch, and although you enjoy your meal, you can’t help but be eager to leave to see what else Namjoon has planned for the evening.
“Come,” he says as he takes your hand after paying the bill. He’d hear none of your protest about you paying or going splitting it, but he promised to let you pay for the next meal.
“Where are we?” You ask as he pulls into your new destination. A valet comes to Namjoon’s side to take his keys while the other opens your door.
Namjoon chuckles at your shocked expression as he walks you into the hotel.
“Relax, we're just here for drinks,” his dimpled smile makes you feel at ease.
Namjoon walks through the lobby, the staff greeting him as he goes toward the elevator with you in tow. He takes a card out of his pocket and scans it before the elevator opens and the both of you step inside.
“Where are we going?” You ask as he presses a button and you grip his hand tighter.
“The roof,” he answers with a whimsical grin as you ascend to the roof.
The dinging of the elevator and the doors opening bring relief as you step out, immediately awed by the view of the city. Namjoon stands beside you, his eyes on you instead. He admires the way your eyes have lit up like a million stars, your smile so big it rivals the moon. He feels his heart flutter as he looks away when he feels a blush over his cheeks.
“Beautiful,” he whispers as he looks at you from the corner of his eye.
“It is, isn’t it?” He nods as he clears his throat.
You follow Joon to a couch that overlooks the skyline, sitting as close to him as possible whilst still being comfortable. There’s a soft light illuminating the area with a warm glow, and music softly plays in the background.
There’s a bar in the middle of the roof, staffed with a handful of people and you can’t help but wonder as to why they’d need so many if only you and Namjoon were up there. Had he planned it this way?
“Let me get you a drink,” he says and you nod, still in awe as you rise from your seat to go to the edge, where a guard rail keeps you from falling.
The gentle wind ruffles your hair as the night sky glitters with stars. Your eyes flutter shut, enjoying the moment to its fullest capacity. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so at ease, so free.
Namjoon watches you from afar, leaning against the bar as the bartender makes your drinks. He feels nervous, but bubbles with excitement... He’s not sure why.
He feels like he knows you well enough but most of what he knows about you is printed on a few sheets of paper. He’s only brushed the surface of who you are, and yet, he’s already captivated by you. He feels like you’ve wrapped yourself around his heart, cinching it and making it hard for him to breathe. He doesn’t think he wants to be freed.
“Your drinks, sir.” Namjoon turns, thanking the bartender as he takes the drinks and walks over to you. You feel his presence, opening your eyes and dazzling him with a bright grin.
“I got your favorite,” Namjoon murmurs as he hands you your drink. You thank him, taking the drink from him as you step back and walk back to the couch. Namjoon follows after you, facing you.
“This is really beautiful, Joon. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I thought you might like it. I come here when I want to clear my head.” He explains, you nod. “I’ve never brought anyone else up here.”
“Is the hotel yours?”
Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head. “No, it’s my sister’s.”
“Namjoon!” you look over his shoulder to see a woman approaching the two of you. She’s tall, nearly Namjoon’s height in her heels as she holds her arms open. Her long black hair curls and sways as she walks. Her bright smile only accentuates her beauty as she struts toward you.
“And here she comes,” he sighs as he rises from the couch, you follow suit.
“Oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t know you brought someone up,” she apologizes genuinely feeling bad for interrupting. Her staff had let her know her little brother had arrived but neglected to mention he had a guest.
“You’re fine,” Namjoon shrugs. He turns to you and introduces you to his sister as his friend. It warms your heart.
“I’ve never met any of his friends,” Ames, his sister states, looking at Joon then you. “You must be really special if he’s brought you here. I wouldn’t be allowed up here if I didn’t own the place.”
Namjoon can feel the fire in his cheeks. “Can you go?”
“Oops, me and my big mouth!” Ames giggles, ruffling Namjoon’s hair before waving as she walks back to the elevator, her heels clicking as she goes.
Once she’s gone and Namjoon is sure she is, he apologizes.
“You don’t bring anyone up here?” you ask as you finish your drink, only for it to be switched out for a new one by one of the staff.
“Never. I come up here when I want to think or want to be alone. I was always stressed when I first became a matchmaker. I had a lot of failures, a lot of self-doubt that bubbled until I was consumed by anxiety and despair. I wanted to quit, find something else to do but Ames urged me to find her a match. I was terrified, Y/n. What if I fucked up? What if I ruined my sister’s life?” Namjoon looks lost in his thoughts as he absentmindedly takes a sip of the drink.
“What happened?” you ask in a soft tone, your hand on his thigh. Namjoon feels the warmth of your palm through his pants, it gives him goosebumps.
“I spent months searching for a match. I wanted nothing but the best for my sister. Ames helped raise me, she’s more of a mother than a sister. She’s sweet but she could easily cut you down a notch or two if she thought you’d hurt me. I wanted the best for her. To me it was the ultimate challenge… to her it was an opportunity to show me I had what it took to be in this profession.”
“I had to talk to her like I would a client, really dig deep into who she was and what she wanted. If you think our conversation was awkward…” Namjoon shakes his head, you giggle. You move closer to him, your thigh pressed against his.
“I guess I shouldn’t have complained,” you ask as you run your finger over the rim of your glass before meeting Namjoon’s gaze.
“No,” he smirks, as his thumb caresses your hand. You wonder if he can hear the way your heart is pounding in your chest. You push your hair over your shoulder, exposing more of your skin. You were flirting. Namjoon licks his lips, biting them after. You don’t miss the spark in his eyes before they darken into something primal.
You can’t help but stare at his plush lips, yearning to kiss them. To feel them cover every inch of your body in kisses that spark a fire inside you. Namjoon clears his throat, breaking eye contact, gulping.
It takes a few moments of silence for your mind to clear, “so I’m assuming it went well?”
“Extremely,” Namjoon smiles, it reaches his eyes. “She’s been married for a few years. She’s actually three months pregnant.”
“You’re going to be an uncle!” You exclaim and Namjoon nods excitedly.
“I can’t wait!”
“You’ll be amazing,” you hug him tight. You feel his large hands on the small of your back as he holds you close. You don’t want to let him go. You just want to hold him and kiss him all night, losing yourself in his touch.
When your embrace ends, you take a long sip of your drink, grateful for a distraction from the heat that’s spreading throughout your skin.
“With Ames, I did thorough background checks. I went above and beyond to find someone perfect. It was the most stressful assignment I’ve ever had… until you came along.” You quirk your head to the side. Namjoon laughs lightly.
“I guess I was slacking when it came to you, not on purpose but you should have never been set up with Taehyung. I know you’ve forgiven me for that, but fuck I truly am sorry. I don’t know how he slipped through.”
“I’m sure it happens,” you try to wave him off but he won’t have it.
“I was careless.” Namjoon licks his lips, wondering if he should be honest or not. You can tell he’s holding something back by the crease between his brows, something you’d noticed he did when he was thinking about something deeply.
“You can tell me,” you assure him, your hand resting on his. A smile tugs at his lips, “I’m looking for my match as well. I’ve been distracted but I promise that’s taking a backseat. I want to give you 100% of me.”
You feel flustered by his words, unable to speak.
Comfortable silence envelopes the two of you. You’re not sure where to go from here but you know you want to be in his company longer. You’re not sure what it is you’re feeling for your matchmaker but you don’t think it’s strictly platonic. You don’t want to dwell on those feelings too long though, so you have another drink and allow Namjoon to hold you and talk about himself and his future partner. A small part of you is jealous of the imaginary partner, wishing more than anything it could be you. You quickly shake that thought out of your head.
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The following night, you’re lying on your couch with Yoongi sitting with his back against it, near your head. You’re sharing a bowl of popcorn as your phone vibrates on your chest.
You grab it, your eyes widening when you see a text from Namjoon.
[Joon-bug 💘]: Are you busy?
[You]: No, just at home with Yoongi. What’s up?
Yoongi eyes you as you sit up on the couch, brushing your hair out of the way as your teeth sink into your bottom lip.
“Is everything alright? You look panicked,” Yoongi comments as he sits up straighter, ignoring the movie on the TV.
Just as you open your mouth to answer, another text from Joon arrives.
[Joon-bug 💘]: Can I come over?
[You]: 👀
[Joon-bug 💘]: Not like that 💀
[You]: oh
[You]: and here I thought we had something ✨ special ✨
[You]: I’m kidding lol
You cringe, hoping he didn’t take it the wrong way.
[You]: we’re just hanging out if you wanna come. Unless you’ve got plans for us?
[Joon-bug 💘]: I just thought we could hang out but I don’t wanna impose on your night
[You]: shut up and come over 💃
[Joon-bug 💘]: see you soon ❣️
Fifteen minutes later, Namjoon is knocking on your front door. Yoongi smirks as you trip over your feet in your eagerness to get to the door.
“Hey,” you greet Namjoon, igniting the way your heart flutters in your chest.
A soft smile lights up Namjoon’s face, “hey.”
“Let him come in, Y/n!” Yoongi calls from his spot on the couch.
“Oh, yeah! Come in!” You exclaim as you step aside to let him in. Namjoon feels slightly nervous and he hopes it’ll go away soon as he sits on the couch.
“We were just gonna order pizza,” you tell him as you hand him your phone and tell him to order whatever he wants. He nods, taking it from you.
“So what exactly do you need to find someone the perfect match?” Yoongi asks, intrigued by the matchmaker and his occupation,
“A lot of information, honestly. I do background checks, meet with the client, meet with the client’s friends and family. I go to their homes and see how they live. I analyze every aspect of them.” Namjoon explains as he looks at Yoongi.
Yoongi nods, “so you know everything about Y/n?”
“I know a lot,” Namjoon nods in confirmation.
“So you know about Kim Seokjin? She never talks about him but I know that must be important.”
“Kim Seokjin?” Namjoon asks. You huff, glaring at your best friend.
Yoongi stuffs a handful of chips in his mouth before muttering an oops.
“My ex. I thought you’d know his name though?” Namjoon shrugs, “I didn’t come to work tonight.”
“Fair, we’re glad you’re here as you and not as Matchmaker Kim.” Yoongi grins as he grabs another handful of chips, knowing he’s already put his foot in his mouth and should keep it occupied.
“I think he prefers Cupid,” you tease, making Namjoon blush as he playfully shoves you.
“Children, children, please.”
You throw a couch cushion at Yoongi, who dodges it and sticks his tongue out at you.
“Anyway…” Yoongi grabs the remote and begins scrolling through the movie options on the TV screen.
“Whatever is fine,” you shrug as you take a few chips out of the bowl. You settle into your seat, meanwhile, Yoongi grabs a cushion and sets it at your feet before plopping down on it to be closer to the coffee table where his snacks sit perfectly arranged.
Namjoon scoots closer trying to see the screen better as you offer him a drink, which he gladly accepts.
“Thank you,” Namjoon says as you hand him a coke. Yoongi continues to scroll through the movie choices, humming to himself.
“Wait!” you shout, startling both men as Yoongi turns around to look at you, a dark brow raised in annoyance.
“What?” he asks.
“I want to watch Shrek,” you state as Namjoon chuckles from beside you.
“Again?” Yoongi huffs, turning back to the screen and then looking at Namjoon. “We can outvote her real quick.”
Namjoon’s ears burn red at being put on the spot, your pouty lips making him give in with a sigh, “Shrek is fine.”
“Damn, we could have had her outnumbered,” Yoongi whines as he starts the movie. “The second one is the best one anyway.”
“You only like it because of Puss in Boots,” you reply, rolling your eyes.
“Hey, Antonio Banderas is hot!” Namjoon quips, making Yoongi chuckle.
“I mean, he’s right.”
“That’s something we can all agree on then,” you grin as you grab the blanket thrown over the couch to put on your lap.
Nearly fifteen minutes into the movie, your doorbell rings, and Yoongi scrambles off his cushion as he runs to the door.
“Hey! Thanks!” He says as he takes the pizza and sides from the delivery person and hands them their tip before wishing them a good night.
“Food’s here!” Yoongi announces, despite the both of you being aware. Namjoon helps you make space on the coffee table so Yoongi can set the food down.
“Ugh! This is so good!” You practically moan at the first bite of pizza you take. Your eyes flutter shut as the delectable scent of the pizza fills your nose. Namjoon chuckles, agreeing that it does taste amazing.
You stuff yourselves full, groaning after about how you can’t move but still mouth every line of the movie along with Namjoon and Yoongi.
“This scene always breaks my heart,” you pout, pulling the blanket closer to your chest to hug it.
“You’ve seen it a million times, Y/n,” Yoongi laughs as he shakes his head but rests his head on his knees after.
“It’s sad! Let me be sad!” You retort as Fiona and Donkey talk while Shrek eavesdrops. “Why does love have to be complicated? Can’t you just be with the person who feels like home? Someone who’s your friend, who makes you laugh, who can be your comfort when life gets tough…”
Namjoon looks over at you, his eyes taking in every bit of your profile. Your eyes are filled with unshed tears, glossy as the light reflects off them. A small sniffle captures his attention, drawing him to your nose as you sniffle once again. Your hand lays on the couch, and with a burst of courage, he places his hand over yours. His thumb rubs your hand, offering you a squeeze of comfort.
You look over at him, smiling weakly as you lace your fingers with his. You turn your gaze back to the screen, watching as Lord Fuckwad… sorry, Farquad comes to get Fiona himself.
Throughout the rest of the movie, your hands remain entwined and Namjoon can’t help but feel at ease like his hand belongs in yours. And instead of it terrifying him, it soothes him.
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Your mother calls Thursday reminding you of the small family gathering occurring Saturday night. You groan, “mom…”
“No, bring Yoongi if you want to. I love that boy, he’s so sweet and charming,” your mom says and you sigh, promising to ask your best friend to accompany you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be going at all.
*
[You]: Jooooniiieee!
[Joonie 💘]: Y/nnnnnnn
You giggle, shaking your head. You smile, biting your lip as you write your next text.
[You]: Are you busy Saturday night?
[You]: I have this family party and I know I’d have more fun if you were there with me
[You]: Feel free to say no though… seriously I won’t blame you if you say no
[Joonie💘]: Will your mom be upset if I show up?
[Joonie💘]: I mean, I’m supposed to be working for you…?
[You]: Don’t worry about her, I want you there. Yoongi might go, I’m sure my mom called him as well and you could bring someone if you want to
[You]: Seriously, Joonie, no pressure at all
Namjoon’s fingers hover over his phone. He knows he’s crossing boundaries he shouldn’t even be near, but then the thought of seeing you excites him. He remembers the softness and warmth of your hand in his, and that alone is enough for him to agree to go with you (and Yoongi).
[You]: Thank you, Joonie! You’re the best!
[Joonie💘]: I am, aren’t I? ;)
His text has your heart skipping a beat… he really was.
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“Okay, here are the rules…” You start as Yoongi parks his car outside of your mother’s house. The driveway is littered with cars and Yoongi has parked away from everyone, making sure he can’t get blocked in when you want to go home later.
“Rules?” Namjoon’s brows rise in confusion. “There are rules for a party? At your mom’s house?”
“Yup, so pay attention, Lover Boy,” Yoongi chimes in as he looks out of his window to see the party already thriving.
“The first rule, arrive in your own car so you can leave whenever you want,” you raise one finger, and Namjoon nods, still puzzled.
“The second rule, greet everyone in attendance. Three, you have to try the food, even if you gotta spit it out later. Four, if my uncle Javi offers you a drink, say no. You’ll blackout before you finish it… Yoongi learned that the hard way, didn’t you?” You look at your best friend, who shrugs.
“I had fun.”
“Yeah, you don’t remember if you did,” you huff. “I think that’s it…”
“Seems doable,” Namjoon nods as you undo your seatbelt and get out of the car, followed by Yoongi.
“Come on,” you say, grabbing Namjoon’s hand. Yoongi smirks as he leads the three of you past the cars and toward the party around back.
Your mom is in the middle of doing shots with her sister when you finally reach the guests. You shake your head, a smile on your lips as she spots you, shouting your name. You let go of Namjoon’s hand, going over to her to hug her.
“You came!” She smiles before going to hug Yoongi. “Oh, I missed you! Why don’t you come to visit more?”
Yoongi blushes, “I’ve had to work more hours.”
“Come over whenever you want!” Your mother exclaims and you sigh.
“I’m right here,” you pout and she smiles.
“I love you,” she said as she noticed Namjoon standing behind you, awkwardly.
“Namjoon!”
“Hello,” he waves and your mom pulls him into a hug, which surprises Namjoon.
“It’s so good to see you! Have you and Y/n become friends? You’re welcome here any time!” Your mom smiles before her sister is calling her name and she’s leaving the three of you with a wave of her hand.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Yoongi walks away leaving you with Namjoon.
“Sorry about that,” you smile sheepishly.
“She’s nice,” Namjoon comments, his dimpled smile putting you at ease. You take his hand in yours, leading him to the table with the food, stopping to introduce him to your family as you go.
Namjoon stares at the array of food as you hand him a plate, grabbing one for yourself as you go down to the table and grab some of your favorites. Namjoon does the same before he notices the bar set up on the other end of the yard. A DJ has just finished setting up and music fills the air shortly after.
“Your mom sure knows how to throw a party. What’s the occasion?” Namjoon asks as you find a table to sit at far from most of your family. Yoongi has long disappeared, and you know you’ll see him again when he’s ready to go.
“It’s Saturday,” you shrug.
“Saturday?” Namjoon repeats. You nod as you take a bite of your food, chewing and swallowing before elaborating, “my mom likes to host parties, so she’ll throw one at least once a month. I’ll have to bring you over for my cousin’s third birthday party next month.”
“Will it be this elaborate?” Namjoon asks out of curiosity as he takes in the party. There are guests doing shots, dancing, playing games, children running around playing tag or hide-n-seek. There’s a large cake at a dessert table, more snacks on another table and he’s sure there’s a man dressed in a robot suit waiting to start his show.
“Yeah,” you giggle. “Except it’ll be themed.”
“Sounds like fun,” Namjoon grins. He looks at you, placing his hand over yours. You smile at him,
“You know, other than Yoongi, you’re the only one I’ve ever invited to a family gathering,” you stab your fork into a strawberry before bringing it to your lips. Namjoon tilts his head in question, “Really?”
You wrap your lips around the strawberry. Namjoon swears his heart stops when your pretty lips bite down on the fruit.
“I love my family, but there’s always some type of drama going on. I just mind my business and move it along, which is why I always have my own ride home. A getaway car if you will.”
“I guess next time, I’ll take you to meet my family,” Namjoon says as he squeezes your hand. “You’ve met Ames, but I think you’d like the rest of my family as well. I hope.”
“I’m sure I will,” you assure him.
“You have got to try the drinks at the bar,” Yoongi states as he comes back carrying a blue drink that looks radioactive.
“Yoongi!” You exclaim.
“It’s non-alcoholic,” Yoongi rolls his eyes before offering you the drink to taste. You wrap your lips around the straw, taking a sip.
“That tastes like a Push-Pop,” you stick your tongue out and it’s tinted blue. Namjoon laughs as Yoongi walks away with his drink.
“Do you want to go to the bar? There might be something better up there,” you suggest. Namjoon nods, rising from his seat before pulling your chair out. You thank him, your hand in his as you cross the yard to get to the bar, taking a seat on the stool.
You take a look at the menu, Namjoon looking at it over you, his breath ghosting your bare shoulder. You look up at him, your eyes locked on him. Namjoon’s gaze moves down to your lips and back to your eyes. It would be so easy to close the gap between your lips… so easy.
“What can I get you?” you’re startled by the bartender, his dashing smile making your eyes widen.
“Uh, we haven’t decided yet,” you murmur as you look down at the menu. The bartender smiles, telling you to wave him down when you’re ready as he goes to serve someone else.
“I think I’ll just get a strawberry daiquiri,” you look over the menu, and half the drinks look a little out there. You’re not too sure you’d enjoy a Push-Pop drink like Yoongi’s either.
Namjoon waves the bartender down, ordering drinks for both of you. Yoongi appears on your right, setting his empty glass on the counter. He turns his back to the bar, elbows resting on the counter as he observes the party.
“Your mom is a few shots away from starting karaoke,” Yoongi chuckles, grinning at you. You sigh, “it’s not a Y/L/N party without it.”
“We’ll be long gone by then,” Yoongi looks at both you and Namjoon, noting how Joon is standing at your side despite there being a free seat beside him. Yoongi looks down to see your hands entwined.
“Definitely,” you agree as your drinks are set in front of you. You take a sip, sighing happily at the taste before Yoongi disappears once again. You know you should really ask him where he goes off too, but since you’re not left alone this time, you’ll let it go.
Namjoon turns his body toward you, his drink in his hand. He swirls it with his straw, “the bartender hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off you.”
Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”
Namjoon chuckles, “the bartender? He’s been staring at you this whole time.”
“Oh, I hadn’t noticed,” you shrug, taking another long sip of your drink. “I’m not interested anyway.”
“You’re not?” Namjoon asks, curiosity clear in his tone.
“No, I have you,” you say with a smile that has Namjoon’s heart flipping in his chest.
“Yeah… you do,” Namjoon whispers as he downs his drink. This wasn’t supposed to happen, was it? You couldn’t mean you had him, right? You meant you had him to make your match… right?
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“Come on, sleepyhead,” You groan as you lead Yoongi to the car, setting him in the backseat. Namjoon helped carry most of his weight to get him to the car.
“Does he always take off to nap in your house?” Namjoon asks as he gets in the passenger’s seat.
“Probably,” you get in the driver’s seat. You’d only had two sips of your drink when you’d first arrived and now it was nearing midnight and Yoongi had fallen asleep and refused to wake up.
You drive Yoongi to his house, getting him inside safely with Namjoon’s help. You tuck him in before going back out to the car with Namjoon and heading to his house next.
Shortly after, you pull into Namjoon’s driveway. You turn to look at him, finding that he’s already looking at you, “thank you for coming tonight.”
“I had fun,” he grins. You sigh in relief, making him laugh.
“Your family is fun and I enjoyed spending time with you,” Namjoon undoes his seatbelt. You wish the night didn’t have to end, a pout on your lips that Namjoon doesn’t miss.
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly, his hand reaching to caress your cheek. You instantly lean into his palm, holding his wrist to keep it in place. Your heart races in your chest, your eyes locked on his.
Namjoon is captivated by you, he can feel his heart thundering in his chest. He hesitates, he wants to kiss you, desperately.
“Namjoon,” the soft whisper of his name is all he needs to press his lips against yours. You kiss him back immediately, loving how your lips are slotted perfectly against his. He’s a great kisser, you instantly realize as your hands grip his shoulders.
Namjoon’s hands cup your face, his lips easily moving with yours perfectly. Happiness explodes in his chest, fireworks bursting behind his eyelids.
The kiss is short but tender, leaving you breathless.
Namjoon bites his bottom lip, his eyes sparkle as they meet your flushed face. You push a strand of hair behind your ear, feeling shy.
A smile appears on Namjoon’s lips, “goodnight, Yn.”
You watch him go, whispering, “goodnight.”
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Namjoon lays in bed the next morning, last night’s memories filling his head as he stares up at the ceiling.
His fingers brush his lips, remembering the warmth of your lips on his less than twelve hours ago. He wonders if you’re thinking about him as well. He wants to see you again. He wants to kiss you again. Hold you again.
These thoughts are dangerous. Illusions of what could never happen, not with you.
“I’m supposed to be finding her a match,” he chides himself, his palms rubbing his face as he groans, muffling the frustrated scream that escapes him. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this to her. She needs her perfect match, not me.”
Namjoon feels his chest tighten.
“I can’t do this to her… not to her.”
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You awake with a smile on your face, your phone ringing with Namjoon’s picture of you two at the rooftop bar. You’re both smiling at the camera, the skyline behind you.
“Hello?” you chirp as you sit up.
“Hey,” you immediately notice his voice doesn’t sound as cheerful as usual.
“What’s wrong, Joonie?” you ask, your voice laced with concern.
Namjoon sighs, your name leaving his lips in a despondent tone and your heart sinks to your stomach; he regretted the kiss.
“Don’t.”
“Y/n… I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Namjoon can feel his heart splintering as he speaks. He looks up at his ceiling, swallowing thickly. Scalding tears well in his eyes, one rolling down his cheek. He licks his lips but that does nothing to soothe the dryness in his mouth or the burning pain in his throat.
“I said don’t! Don’t ruin this, Joon. Don’t!” You cry out, surprising yourself. You couldn’t believe this was happening! Not after last night, not after he kissed you. This had to be some sort of nightmare, a bad dream that you’d be waking up from soon. But the way your chest wracks with oncoming sobs and your hand trembles as you clutch your phone to your ear, you know it’s not.
“I’m sorry, I really am. I’m not your match, I shouldn’t have done that…”
“You know what? Fuck finding my match. I don’t want to be matched. All it does is lead to heartache, so much heartache. I’m done, Namjoon. I won’t be needing your services any longer.” You spit angrily, surprised fire doesn’t spout from your lips. How could he do this?
“Y/n…” Namjoon starts but you interrupt.
“Goodbye.”
You throw your phone on the bed after hanging up. You curl up in your bed, pulling the comforter over your head as tears wrack through you. Your tears soak your pillowcase as you shake forcefully with sobs.
You should have known better. You shouldn’t have allowed yourself to let him in, to let anyone in. You thought… it doesn’t matter what you thought because Namjoon had told you it was a mistake. A mistake.
“Fuck you, Namjoon. Fuck you!”
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Namjoon tries to call you back but he’s sent to voicemail over and over again. He feels awful but he knows it’s for the best. He should just let you go like you let him go. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to get so close. You were supposed to be a client, that’s all. So why was his heart aching so much at the thought of never seeing you again or hearing your voice?
“It’s for the best,” he tells himself as he sets his phone down. “It’s for the best.”
*
“You’re an idiot,” Ames doesn’t hesitate to say as she sits beside her brother.
“She was my client,” Namjoon protests weakly, making his sister roll her eyes.
“That was long gone the moment you brought her to the rooftop. She must have been special for you to take her and by what you’ve told me, it sounds like you were special to her too.”
Namjoon groans, this isn’t what he wanted to hear when he had invited his sister over to talk. He expected her to agree with him, keeping personal lives apart from work.
Ames shakes her head, “how long are you going to keep sabotaging yourself?”
“I am not!” Namjoon retorts, looking offended.
“You are! You found happiness, true happiness in her and you let her go. For someone who’s in the business of love, you sure do fear it,” Ames shakes her head. “You deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be cherished. You got into this business to bring couples together, so why can’t you do the same for yourself? What are you afraid of, Namjoon?”
Namjoon can feel tears well up in his eyes, “I’m afraid I won’t be enough. That she’ll leave.”
“I understand, I do, but fear does nothing but hold you back. You’re going to miss out on so fucking much because you let your fear consume you. You’re not living, you’re hiding and going through the shadows, and for what? To be miserable because you can’t admit to yourself that you have feelings for her? When was the last time someone made you feel like this? Made you feel like you were home? Like the weight of the world isn’t so heavy after all? You deserve happiness despite what demons linger around in your head. You are worthy, Namjoon. Don’t let fear win again, not this time, not when you’re in love with her.”
Namjoon is speechless, utterly speechless.
Ames is right, he knows she is but he’s fucked up so bad. He’s sure you wouldn’t answer any call or text he sent. He royally fucked up because he was scared. He’d seen so many relationships end, tried to save many that ended up crumbling anyway. Did he have what it took to save this one? To make it last? He hoped so.
“I fucked it all up, Ames. There’s no way she will talk to me,” Namjoon admits dejectedly.
“Obviously, you broke her heart,” Ames sighs as she scowls at her brother. Namjoon withers under her hard gaze, feeling like a child.
“What do I do? What can I even do now?” Namjoon is at a loss. His heart aching as he realized he could have truly lost you for good, all because he was afraid. He wished he’d never made that phone call, never heard the sadness in your voice and the hurt of it all. How would you ever forgive him?
“Try calling her and if that doesn’t work, call the best friend,” Ames suggests, and Namjoon grimaces. Yoongi was not going to want to talk to him, sure he hated Namjoon’s guts.
“I don’t think Yoongi would answer,” Namjoon admits as he twiddles his thumbs.
“You won’t know until you try,” Ames says as she ushers her brother out the door to try and salvage what he’s ruined.
Namjoon sits in his car for a moment to collect his thoughts before driving home. Regret filled his body, why did he always do this to himself?
It didn’t matter, Namjoon told himself. He’d at least try and if you still wanted nothing to do with him then he’d accept it but at the very least he had to apologize. He knew you felt the same for him as he did for you and although it was still blooming and unsure of where your paths would go, Namjoon had to at least try.
When he’s in the comfort of his home, he sits on the couch. Your contact is on his screen, his finger hovering over the screen, hesitating to call.
“Just do it,” he huffs as he inhales deeply and pressed ‘call’. The line ringing makes his heart skyrocket as he waits but you don’t answer. He can’t help but be disappointed, although he suspected this was going to be the result. You didn’t want to hear from him, and he couldn’t blame you.
Namjoon calls Yoongi, and much to his surprise, he answers on the first ring, “You fucked up Cupid.”
Namjoon sighs in relief, “I know, trust me, I know.”
“What are you gonna do? You finally realized you liked her after you told her the kiss was a mistake? Can’t say I’m too happy with you right now, Lover Boy.” Yoongi says as he sits back in his bed.
“I know. I fucked up, Yoongi. I was scared, fuck. I always fucking do this. I get scared and let it consume me until it ruins everything around me,” Namjoon groans.
“Well, she’s just as upset as you are. More, actually. So again, what are you going to do?”
“I need to talk to her but she won’t answer my calls. I’ve tried texting her but nothing.”
Yoongi sighs, debating on whether he should meddle or not. On the one hand, he wanted you to be happy and it’s been a long time since he'd seen you genuinely happy with someone that wasn’t him.
However, Namjoon had hurt you and he didn’t like that one bit.
“Namjoon…” Yoongi licks his lips, his heart weighing heavy in his chest. “Is she the one you want? I can’t be getting involved if you’re only going to hurt her more.”
Namjoon doesn’t hesitate to answer, “I do! I do, Yoongi. Trust me, I’ve been regretting making that phone call. I’m not losing her again, I can’t.”
Yoongi nods, “I’ll text you in about an hour with a location. Don’t fuck this up, Cupid.”
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“Yoongi, what are we doing here?” You look at the restaurant you’ve arrived at, not expecting it to be your destination when you’d agreed to go to lunch with your best friend. Your eyes linger on the gazebo you had sat at with Namjoon, and the memory sears your heart as you force yourself to look away, blinking away the tears that have welled in your eyes.
“Getting lunch,” he answers simply with a shrug. He takes your hand and leads you through the entrance, stopping only to tell the hostess you needed a table for two.
“Yoongi,” you whine as you take your seat on the patio, away from everyone else. The empty tables around you make you feel better, not wanting to be around anyone other than your friend.
“Hush, you’ve barely left the house since The Thing. You need some fresh air and some sun.”
“The Thing? it has a name now?” You roll your eyes as you cross your arms over your chest. You click your tongue. “I was rejected by a matchmaker, Yoongi. Don’t call it The Thing.”
“Yeah, yeah. You still like him though. You were falling for him and you miss him, no matter how much you try to deny it. I know you, Y/n.” Yoongi’s eye contact doesn’t waver as he reaches over the table to squeeze your hand. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he glances at it before putting it away. “Now, I need a drink if I’m gonna be sitting out here, so I’m going to the bar real quick.”
Without waiting for a response, Yoongi rises from his seat, humming to himself. The bar is on the opposite side of the patio, far enough from you to not be able to hear Yoongi order whiskey on the rocks and eye the door that leads into the restaurant. Namjoon opens the door slowly after getting Yoongi’s confirmation text that you’d both arrived. He felt guilty about luring you out like this, and he knew it wasn’t his best decision if you’d been avoiding him. For a brief moment, Yoongi and Namjoon lock eyes. Yoongi raises his glass at him, nodding in your direction. He’s done his part, it was up to Namjoon to do the rest.
Yoongi watches you intently, noting the surprised look on your face when it’s Namjoon that sits across from you and not your scheming best friend. You scowl, eyes like daggers as you mouth ‘I hate you’ to Yoongi.
Anger boils in the pit of your stomach, hands growing clammy as they clenched into fists on your lap. Your hard gaze shifts from your meddling best friend, to the man who crushed your heart like a soda can.
Namjoon says your name softly, nerves thrumming throughout his body as he takes you in. Your hair sits right above your shoulders, gently blowing in the wind. Your makeup is light, subtle, and perfect for lunch out with your friend. Your lipstick matches your sundress and despite the stoic look on your face, you look radiant. It makes him gulp. Why had he fucked it up?
“Joon,” the nickname slips, and you sigh. Your hand moves from your lap to grab your straw, stirring your glass of water, the ice clinking against the glass. “What are you doing here?”
You look away from the glass, meeting his dark eyes. They look apologetic and you resist the urge to scoff. “I thought you said everything you needed to that morning?”
Namjoon feels his throat closing up at your harshness, but he knows he hurt you and he wishes so desperately that he hadn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Okay, you’re sorry for kissing me?”
Grabbing your purse off the table, you send one last glare to Yoongi as you rise from your seat and head to the gate that leads to the town square. You stomp your feet, grumbling under your breath.
“No!” Namjoon protests immediately following after you. Yoongi’s eyebrows rise as he finishes his drink, paying for it before he’s going after the both of you.
When you halt, Namjoon almost crashes into you. He apologizes profusely as he walks around you, pausing to notice the gazebo that’s captured your attention. A sniffle escapes you, and you curse as you take a shuddered breath.
“Y/n, I’m sorry I ever made that phone call. Never would I regret kissing you,” Namjoon states but you refuse to meet his eyes. Instead, you walk forward toward the gazebo and take a seat on the bench.
Namjoon sits beside you hesitantly. “I was scared. It’s lame, I know but it’s the truth. I’m supposed to be professional, to find your perfect match, not to fall for you… and when we kissed…”
Trailing off, Namjoon looks down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs as he ignores the blush that heats his cheeks. His throat feels dry, and he’s suddenly unable to speak. That’s when you turn to him, biting your lip as you study him. You notice the way he’s twiddling his thumbs, his knee shaking, and his chest rising and falling faster than normal. His cheeks are pink, his forehead beading with sweat, and his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth.
Startled, Namjoon’s eyes land on your hand that you’ve placed over his knee to stop the shaking. A shaky sigh leaves his lips as he looks up, locking eyes with yours. “After we kissed… I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again.”
“Namjoon,” you breathe his name softly. Your icy resolve melted despite knowing you should keep him at arm’s length but you couldn’t. You’d missed him, you hoped for this moment, for him.
“I fucked up again. And I understand if you never want to see or hear from me after today but I want to say that I’m sorry for lying about regretting our kiss and for hurting you. I never want to hurt you again. I’ll cherish every moment we spent together, and I hope you’re able to find someone perfect for you.” Namjoon swallows thickly, nodding as he goes to rise but your hand reaches for him to stop him.
“I never wanted a perfect match,” is what you say. Namjoon sits back down with his knee pressed against yours as he turns his body to face you. “All I wanted was to find love and be loved, Joon.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes but you wave him off before pressing your finger to his lips.
“I found that with you, Namjoon. I want it with you but you hurt me. If we- if we pursue this, I need to know I can trust you with my heart. Trust you won’t break it again. I may be foolish for giving you a second chance, but I want you. I like you.” A small smile appears on your lips, ignoring the pounding of your heart and the rush of your blood in your ears.
“You’d give me a second chance?” Namjoon is shocked, not expecting this at all. If anything, he just wanted to apologize but this was better than he could have imagined. A dimpled smile lights up his face, his hands gripping yours. “I promise, I will never hurt you again. I don’t ever want to make you feel like that again and I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you.”
“You promise?” you ask tentatively.
“I promise,” Namjoon answers earnestly.
You stand pulling him with you to hug him. You’ve missed him so much, missed his touch. Namjoon’s hand caresses your cheek, his eyes twinkle when they meet yours.
“Did you forgive him or can I punch him now?” Yoongi shouts from his spot a few feet away from the gazebo, an ice cream cone in his hand.
You look over your shoulder at him, laughing as you flip him off. He shrugs, licking his ice cream and smiling to himself. He was grateful to see you happy once again.
“Ignore him,” you whisper as Namjoon chuckles softly.
You place your hand on his shoulder, melting under his touch. Your eyes flit to his lips and back to his intense gaze. Your palm moving to his chest, feeling the pounding of his heart against his ribcage.
Slowly, you lean forward to bridge the gap between your lips, earning a soft gasp from him as they meet. With gentle hands, Namjoon pulls you closer, deepening the kiss further as his fingers thread through your hair. As you wrap your arms around his neck, you know his are the only lips you ever want to kiss again.
Across town in Namjoon’s office, his printer is slowly working and releasing a single sheet. Ames, Namjoon’s sister, grabs it. A bright grin overcomes her as she lays the sheet of paper on her brother’s desk.
                                Kim Namjoon and Y/L/N Y/N                                                    100%                                             Perfect Match
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© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.
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minyfic · 20 days ago
Text
detention - KNJ
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↣ Namjoon wants to believe that he’s not a bad guy, but you’re unafraid of acting on your desires.
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pairing — namjoon x reader
genre/rating — R | smut, slight angst
word count — 4K
play — detention by melanie martinez
warnings/tags — math teacher!joon, high school au, legal age gap (reader is 18), strong language, infidelity, sir kink, y/n is…kinda twisted, scent kink, explicit smut — edging, oral (f), face riding, clit biting, cum eating, biting/scratching, multiple orgasms, fingering, panty stuffing (in mouth?), dirty talk, bit of degradation, spanking, protected sex, cowgirl, slight dacryphilia
a/n — throwback to 2019 when I was obsessed with the K-12 album
It’s not like you care. The scowls from the prissy girls sitting a foot away from your irascible teacher’s desk makes you laugh to yourself, pissing them off further when you give them the finger, their faces scrunch up in repulsion, whispers no doubt filled with the talk of your platform boots that are crossed over your boyfriend’s lap.
A smile graces your face when you hear your name being boomed out into the sterilized room, having expected his early admonishment.
He points to your shoes and Jungkook lets your calves go reluctantly, pulling the seat of his chair in closer to his desk. You scoff. What can a sexually deprived, under-paid man do other than hand you a detention slip?
“I didn’t want to disrupt the class, but I think I should remind you that you’re not following our school’s dress code,” he sighs, frustrated eyes set on your face.
You clear your throat before scrubbing your hand down your cheek, compelled to meet his gaze. If he wasn’t so hot you would’ve shot him with a bitter comment like you usually do with your other pestilent teachers. But even you are affected by his sinewy forearms and smoky voice. Just like the two at the front, who everyone in the class, except Kim Namjoon himself, know how desperate they are for a millisecond of his attention.
“My shoes are black,” you state matter-of-factly, leaning back in your chair to fold your arms.
His lips part, before clenching his jaw, in a way that you know will haunt you later tonight. All twenty-seven pairs of eyes are on you, like any other morning in math. Because that’s what Mr. Kim wants, to put you on the spot, as if you would be fazed by it.
“This is your final warning—”
“It was her final warning yesterday, sir!”
His eyes flit to the prude in front, holding up a finger, “do not interrupt me when I speak.”
You roll your eyes at her muted ‘yes, sir,’ knowing that she thrives on his stern intonation.
“This is your final warning—" he stresses on the word ‘final,’ to remind himself or you, you’re not sure “—and if you show up with that jacket or boots again tomorrow; detention on Friday afternoon.”
If you weren’t so mesmerized by his plump lips you would’ve responded with a slight nod to your head, but his voice drowns out any other thought, “did you hear me?”
Your nosy classmates wait for your response, some with fear, others with sniggers but you provide a minor shrug.
“Okay.”
Detention on Friday afternoon meant time forgone with Jungkook, watching the sun fade into murky orange with Namjoon instead. It’s not like your boyfriend would mind anyway, you’re pretty sure his tangled thoughts have gone your route by the flustered state he’s in whenever he’s under Namjoon’s attention.
“Back to work everyone! You know we’re having a quiz tomorrow before your finals as prep,” he informs as he rises from his seat, spinning around to give you a perfect view of his cute ass.
You slot the end of your pen between your teeth, head cocking to the side. Mr. Kim, you know for a fact, is not all what he puts out for the world to see. It’s not a secret that he and Miss Cha from the admin office had something going on last year. But you did consider the fact that not everyone knows, not everyone is as attentive as you when it comes to Kim Namjoon, married, no kids – yet – and a tedious job he no doubt regrets ever faking a passion for. But he’s ‘charming’ and ‘kind,’ a math whiz. So good with the ungrateful kids he’s forced to endure on weekdays when he’s not at the gym, or picking his wife up from her SoulCycle classes. Because she needs to keep fit in order to keep a man like him.
Anyone can tell that he has standards. Standards for the coffee beans they use in the staffroom, the kid who cleans the chalkboard, the pristine suit vests he dons, the row of figurines sitting on his desk and most importantly, his students. He has a reputation to uphold. That’s why he stops you as you pass his desk a day after that lousy quiz, not like he needed to when you were stalling, ogling his fresh haircut.
He slots his fingers together, eyes disappearing into slits as he waves the other students goodbye before his eyes skim to yours, not falling below your neck.
“Firstly, you didn’t even try with the quiz yesterday,” he begins, shoulders rolling back as if he wanted to draw your attention to them, “and you’re still not in uniform.”
You hold your baby pink jacket open as you shove your fists into the pockets, glancing down at your white shirt and hideous plaid skirt, “I am in uniform.”
“Jacket, earrings, black nail polish, rings, but you ditched the boots today,” he exasperates, eyes tracking each accessory as he lists them.
Head tilting up as you watch him tower over you from the other side of the desk, your face heats when he sets his hands flush against the wood. But you won’t make him aware of the affect his expensive cologne has on your leaking heat, chewing on your lip with innocence.
“I don’t see why it’s an issue. You don’t seem to say anything to the other girls who wear fake lashes and all that shi—"
He leans forward, chin jutting down to peer into your eyes, “I want them on my desk, now.”
“What?”
“Jacket,” he repeats, voice lowering with each syllable, “earrings and those rings.”
“But—”
He shakes his head, silencing you with another laser beam piercing into your own eyes that refuse to stray from his. Clicking your tongue, you shrug off your jacket and pull off the skull rings, unhooking Jungkook’s earrings begrudgingly and laying it in front of the calendar you can tell he plucked out from a garden catalogue.
He nods in satisfaction and hands you the red slip which you take from his warm grip, fitting it into your pockets without breaking eye contact.
“Anything else? My shirt too?”
For a second, you find his eyes lowering to your chest, Adam’s apple bobbing which plants a ridiculous idea in your mind. One that has your confidence heightening, especially when he takes a step away from the desk and folds his arms. Shielding himself from you.
“My skirt? Since you had an issue with it the last time.”
Too short. Which you know was an excuse for him to point out that everyone can see your ass when you bend even a little bit. Including his own wandering gaze.
He sets his jaw, cheekbones popping with the action, “that’s enough, miss. See you tomorrow in detention.”
You wave, grinning to yourself at the teeny bit of information that excites you more than anyone would want to believe. He’s on duty tomorrow.
Palm pressing down the metal handle, you halt in your step when he calls out your name, hair sliding over your shoulder as you turn to face him. Your heart stutters in your chest when he gifts you with his signature smile, fitting his hands into his pockets.
“Glad Kibum would have some company tomorrow afternoon.”
Your smile falls in horror, a groan echoing in the deserted hallway as you push open the heavy door.
Of course. Kibum would be there too. Your class president who has nothing better to do with his life than nit-pick his fellow students’ faults. A pain in the ass. Mr. Kim, the principal, the fucking president, for all you care, pinned a few badges to his coat and he became the most detestable eighteen-year-old to ever be given a modicum of authority.
There he goes. Soiling your plans. What plans? Plans to seduce Kim Namjoon? You don’t need a plan for something like that. He already fell into your lap without even knowing it. And he’ll act on that pent up desire sooner or later.
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Jungkook forced you to wear the school jersey too this time. Because he thought it was funny seeing you in olive green. You let him have his laugh before stuffing it in his face as you made your way into the building, grumbling out greetings to the teachers who are shocked to see you enter after school ended.
Just to spite, you didn’t attend classes today. But you will show up for detention lest Namjoon throw a hissy fit and send you to the principal’s office to hear the lecture you’ve probably memorized by now. You also want to get your fill of his handsome face and sculpted body. And that thought is enough to make you forget that Kibum and his anal personality would be present for the next three hours of torture.
“Good afternoon, sir,” you sing-song, taking a seat two rows from the back, straight ahead of his desk.
He’s not even surprised to see you, like you expected, but you do notice the slight twitch in his left brow.
“Oh, you’re here,” he lets out with a deep sigh, scribbling something down on his calendar.
“Yep,” you reply, drumming your fingers on the desk as you glance around at the empty seats, “where’s—” dickhead “—Kibum?”
He doesn’t lift his head as he answers, and it bothers you slightly that he hasn’t even caught a glimpse of your new earrings.
“He wasn’t feeling well so I sent him home early. Why?—” He meets your gaze, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly, “it’s not like you two get along.”
So he noticed. It makes you wonder what else he noticed about you. And it’s just you.
You throw your head back with a mirthful laugh, “we don’t, and I don’t intend on changing that.”
“That’s a shame,” he returns to whatever it is he was writing, “would be nice if you joined people like him more and not Jeon Jungkook.”
That you expected. It’s what all the adults in this shitty town say to you. Not like you’d actually listen.
“Anyway,” you breathe, “what am I doing today?”
He licks his thumb and presses it into the corner of a stack of papers, lifting one of the sheets out to hand it to you, wedding band catching a ray of sunlight.
You saunter to his desk and stare at the top of his head, annoyed.
“This is the same quiz from yesterday,” you announce in confusion, holding it up to his face that’s pressed into the calendar.
“Yes, it is. Complete that for me and you can go after.”
You pass him a quizzical look, resisting the urge to stomp your feet like a petulant child because he still won’t look at you.
“Do I need to pass a certain mark or—”
“Just go fill in your answers and I’ll grade it after.”
“Okay,” you huff, pulling out a pen from your backpack and half-heartedly working through the questions. It’s a calculus graph so you don’t really need a calculator.
Namjoon knows he’s digging a hole for himself when he chances a glance at you behind the calendar. Your eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, lip snagged between your teeth as you cross and uncross your legs. The pleats of your skirt sit perfectly on your thighs, shirt tucked in to provide him with the delicious view of your waist. And that pink bra. His favorite on you. You’re beautiful, and you don’t waste time using that to your advantage.
He sees you, with Jungkook, shamelessly making out during the lunchbreaks, eyes open slightly to follow him as he passes the two of you, taunting him. He doesn’t bother to scurry away from your sight, because then, it’s as if you got what you wanted, and he refuses to let that happen. He doesn’t understand the dynamic between you and your boyfriend, but he does know that you love to tease him. Except, at the same time, he doesn’t know either. You’re a woman. And he’s a man with the only thrill in his life being the pretty girl who sits at the back of his math class, enjoying the way he stutters through his discussion whenever she catches his gaze.
He doesn’t let his lascivious thoughts get the best of him. Shaking them away as soon as they pop into his mind. He’s not that guy. Not the guy who would use a student to slake the undying thirst that roars inside of him each time his eyes fall on the curve of your ass, unintentionally. Not the guy who would use the excuse that his wife doesn’t love him like she used to just for a taste of your sweet lips.
Not that guy.
“I’m done, sir,” you smile, springing up from the chair and letting the paper feather in front of him as it slips from your hands, leaning over while you watch him make red markings here and there, mumbling to himself as he goes.
You prop your fist against your cheek, his cologne surrounding you, taking the time to scan every inch of his face. A part of you wishes that you were Miss Cha. Not his wife.
He straightens his shoulders and holds your quiz up to the light, sitting back in the chair that wheels away with the movement.
“You’ve proved my suspicions.”
You pout, “sir?”
He files the quiz away and you walk around the desk to sit in front of him, papers crumpling under your ass. He looks good from any angle, you muse, swinging your legs back and forth, seeing him follow the motion before knitting his fingers together.
“You deliberately write the wrong answers. I’m not dumb,” he states plainly, eyes latched onto yours and for the first time, your gaze lowers to the floor.
“I don’t,” you mumble, unwilling to have this conversation with him.
“Yes,” he taps the file, “you do. Can I ask why?”
“No.”
With a roll of his chair closer toward you, he reaches up to place a hand on your shoulder. You’re sitting above him now, heart thrumming in your ears when his fingers begin to rub soothing circles on your back.
“Why?”
“Because,” you utter with a whine, “I don’t want to take part in the Olympiads!”
His lips stretch over his teeth into a grin, dazzling you when his smoky chuckle reaches your ears.
“That’s it?”
“Yes,” your head sags between your shoulders, succumbing to the urge to spill everything to him with his deep-set eyes boring into your own, twinkling with the sun, “I don’t want the pressure.”
“You don’t need to take part in the Olympiad, you know? Aren’t you thinking about the future? What will you do later this year when everyone starts filling out their college applications?”
The same questions you’re sick and tired of hearing. But you bite your tongue, because it’s Mr. Kim, you’ve never had a real conversation with him before. The room fills with a golden hue, beating onto his face as his hand slides down to grip your arm tenderly.
“Follow my passion.”
His head cocks to the side playfully, “your passion?”
“Mhm,” you grin, breath catching in your throat when his knee nudges your leg.
It’s too much for you. His eyes, his scent, his smile, his touch. Why did you put yourself in the position? You try to jump off the desk, but he doesn’t give you enough room, hands flying to your hips to hold you in place as your hands lay on his chest. In the middle of it all, the corner of the desk presses into your pussy and you whimper, seeing his eyes go wide with shock.
Your throat feels like it’s closing up, the top of your head to the tips of your toes prickling with want. His eyes fall to your skirt, legs spread open, pink panties exposed to him. It’s as if you’re melting under his caresses, especially when his large palm fits against your cheek, thumb dragging down your lower lip. His hot breath wafts over your face in soft pants, pulling you down to meet him halfway. Your eyes fall shut once his lips slot against yours, a quiet moan tumbling onto his lips as he rocks your hips against the corner of his desk, tongue licking into your mouth when he tilts his head to deepen the kiss.
When your hands cup his cheeks, he pulls away with a gasp, eyes going wide.
The tug between your legs builds, head falling forward as you continue to rock against the corner, panties sticking to your folds as your arousal gushes out. In this moment, nothing exists except you, him and the thickening lust between you, head clogged with thoughts of his hands all over you, guiding you to your release. You’re losing yourself in the feeling, grinding down on your clit, tossing your head back with the sensation.
“Fuck.”
He pulls out your shirt from your skirt greedily, blunt fingernails piercing into your flesh as he commands your movements, half-lidded eyes glued to your face, contorting into pleasure.
“Don’t cum,” he growls, holding you in place as moan after moan spills from your lips, “I said don’t cum.”
“Please, sir,” you whine, squirming in his hold as you fight to reach your high.
Namjoon’s cock strains in his pants, twitching when more pleas fill the air, your pleasing scent rushing through his nostrils.
In one swift movement, he pulls you onto his shoulders, your legs thrown over as he pushes your panties to the side and dives into your glistening pussy, moaning into your heat, devouring your essence in scorching licks.
“Sir—” you babble, gripping onto the backrest of his chair as you jut your hips against his face, crying out as his tongue slides down your folds and into your dripping hole, squeezing around him when his nose presses into your clit.
You attempt to hold back your moans, but it proves to be difficult when he flattens out his tongue and wiggles it against your heat, moving your hips over his face, sucking and drinking you up filthily. The sensation buzzes through you, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he finds the right motion, the right speed, the right spot to have your thighs trembling around him, hands running down to your ass, a heated smack landing on the flesh.
Jolting forward, your pussy clenches against his chin, drenching his face with your juices as the pressure in your abdomen builds, rutting onto his tongue while he drags his tongue up and down your folds lewdly.
A shriek gets thrown from your lungs as you gasp and pant above him, tugging on his short strands of hair when his teeth catch on your engorged clit, fingers massaging the meat on your thighs, one hand snaking between your thighs, two fingers prodding at your entrance.
“Cum for me,” he coaxes, pursing his lips around your clit when his middle and ring finger sink into your heat, curling them inside your pulsating walls and finding your sweet spot with ease, drawing it in and out at breakneck speed.
“I’m cumming. Fuck,” you spasm against his face, coating his tongue as your orgasm ripples through you, rolling your hips into his face to ride out your high.
He hums against your pussy, slurping up every last drop as his voice rumbles through you. With a few kisses to your inner thighs, he helps you off his shoulders.
The sight you’re met with once he sets you down on his lap has a fresh wave of arousal building in your slick cunt. His lips, cheeks and chin glazed with your cum. You press your lips to his in a sloppy kiss, loosening his tie before unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his pecs, heavy cock pressing into your thigh.
“You love this, don’t you? Such a dirty girl for me,” he grunts, smacking your ass twice in quick succession while you’re biting down the column of his throat.
“Please, sir,” you moan, fiddling with his belt, his heady scent going straight to your pussy.
“Please what? Want my cock?” He chuckles darkly, gripping on your wrists and bringing it up to his face.
You shiver when he licks the sensitive skin there, eyes fuming with desire once he gets your panties off your legs and his cock out into the balmy air, sweat illuminated by the fading sunlight. Salivating at the sight of his thick, veiny cock, you mewl as he taps your clit with the leaking tip, lifting you up over his lap.
Watching him reach into his tan bag, he curses as he rummages through to find…a condom, ripping it open hastily and rolling it down his length.
“So fucking ready for my cock. This is what you wanted, hmm?”
“Yes, sir,” you whisper, trying to sink down on his cock but his hold wins against your own.
“Tight little pussy begging to be filled by my fat cock. Bet you’re wet every time you’re sitting there at your desk, waiting for me to call you to the front for something petty.”
“Yes, yes, please,” you cry, pressing your forehead to his once his lowers you onto the tip, groaning as his length disappears into your sopping pussy.
“Fucking shit. So fucking tight.”
The stretch tantalizes every inch of your body, breathless moans rolling off your tongue as he starts to fuck into you with powerful snaps of his hips.
“Fuck, someone might hear us,” he grits out, reaching for your panties that sits on his desk and balling it in his fist. He shoves the material into your parted lips, moans muffled by the fabric as he slams you down onto his cock, grazing your ridged walls.
He throws his head back, bruised lips parted, letting you bounce on his cock while meeting your movements by flexing his hips against yours, the sounds are enough to have his cock twitch, your thighs slapping his with resounding smacks.
Pink panties in your mouth, skirt billowing out around your ass, hair mussed, tears streaking down your flushed cheeks; you look absolutely debauched grinding down on his cock as you please. His balls flare at the sight, your nails raking down his chest as your walls quiver around him, boobs bouncing in its confines. Your eyes are hazy, almost unrecognizable as he fucks you through your high, tipping off the edge while keeping your hips still.
A drawn-out moan rises up his throat as he shoots into the condom. He hasn’t cum this hard in months, years, you carry him through it, your warm walls hugging his length while you bury your face in his neck and pepper kisses across his heated skin, your slick seeping through his pants.
Pulling the panties out of your mouth, he smooths your hair away from your face, sweat coating his hand. You smile at him in your fucked out state, sitting on his right thigh as you encircle your arms around his neck. His throat goes dry, struggling to catch his breath, heart pounding in his chest.
When you hum against his skin, a little too happily, his hands fall from your body, staring up at the ceiling while his cock goes limp at the reality of the situation.
He is that guy.
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a/n — idek what this was but stay tuned for seokjin’s ver ˋˍˊ feedback is appreciated.
⤺masterlist
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© minyfic 2021 do not copy/repost/translate.
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yoonia · a month ago
Text
lust royale [m] ● knj
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❥ Title | Lust Royale
❥ Pairings | Namjoon x female reader (feat. Jimin)
⤑ Genre | Royal Guard!Namjoon, Princess!reader, Royalty!au, Smut, Angst
⤑ Summary | He is a walking temptation, even if he would often argue that you are his. Both of you have known that what you share together is nothing more but an act of sin. But who are you to deny the pull, or the way he ignites the desire within you which would only lay dormant if not for his touch? And he would be a fool to deny you the same, even if he has to watch you walk down the aisle and exchange vows to another man right the next day.
⤑ Ratings | +18 / M for Mature
⤑ Warnings | Dom!Namjoon, Sub!reader, brat!reader, infidelity, dirty talk, degradation, pet names, name calling, Namjoon has a perverse kink to shave the reader (yes, that’s a thing), power play, jealousy, size kink, fingering (female receiver), oral sex (female receiver), clit play, nipple play, breast play, unprotected sex, rough sex, spanking, sensory play, voyeurism, orgasm control, multiple orgasm, praise kink, aftercare.
⤑ Word count | 8k words
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❂ Fall For Romance
         ⁂ Hosted by: Professor Dia through @bangtansorciere​
⤐  AU Type: Salted Caramel Ice Cream (Unrequited Love AU)
⤐  Themes: Forbidden Romance, Royalty
⤐  Kinks: Sensory Play, Spanking, Nipple Play, Fingering, Voyeurism, Orgasm Denial/Control, Multiple Orgasm, Overstimulation, Size Kink
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There is a special place in hell for someone like you.
A place where only the wicked and evil, where cheaters and smugglers are all locked in and punished together.
But you would still rather take it and risk it all, because you can never resist choosing the flames of carnal desire that makes you feel more alive over the cold and bitter and lonely life of a loveless marriage.
Tonight, you have chosen to let the curtains on your massive windows open, refusing to deny yourself the sight of the beautiful night sky. Without any lights in your bedroom, the moonlight’s shine takes over. Its light gives life into your bedroom as it shines through the window, illuminating your empty bed and the wedding dress hanging on the other side of the room.
You don’t quite understand why you had refused to allow the servants to secure the dress in your wardrobe before they left you for the night. Perhaps your wicked soul is some sort of a masochist after all, as it seems to have the desire for punishment. Because while the wedding dress looks lovely, a masterpiece which had been crafted specifically for your special day, it also serves as a mockery, a reminder that keeps taunting you about the life that could have been. And nobody would understand this because you are the only one who can see it in its true form, to be able to look at it as what it truly is—a shackle that will forever bind and imprison you in the future life of the King’s wife.
Sitting at the foot of your bed with nothing but silence as your company, you listen to the small sounds coming from the palace. The creaks on the floor, the soft shifts from the old walls which you—as a little girl growing up in this place—used to believe as the sound of the palace breathing, and then of course, there is also the smooth note of the cold autumn breeze flowing outside of the palace and knocking on your bedroom window.
But the sound that catches your attention and becomes the loudest to your ears is the steady thrums of your heartbeat. The thuds rising slowly, getting louder and louder before you open your eyes to realise that the steady thumps are coming from outside of your bedroom instead of from inside your heaving chest. You follow the sound, focusing on it for a moment until it stops right outside of your bedroom door.
Moments later, you watch as the door slowly opens, allowing a dark figure to enter. You keep your eyes on him the whole time as he steps into your bedroom, pushing the door closed behind him without making so much of a noise. Though the sound of the locks clicking in place which comes seconds later becomes a bit too loud against the silence, echoing against the walls and snapping the tight coil in your chest as if it becomes the sign of your fate being sealed.
Tension begins to rise as he slowly walks to the center of the room, stopping right under the moonlight coming through the window to allow you to see his face.
“Your Highness,” he greets you softly with his voice so deep that you can feel it rumbling inside your core. It knocks the air right out of your chest, forcing you to take a deep breath before finding your voice again.
“You’re late, General,” you chastise him. Yet your voice comes out airy, making it seem pointless to act as if you still hold the control. Even though both of you know perfectly well who is in complete control tonight.
“General,” he scoffs, clearly having been able to see right through your act. His eyes find your wedding dress on the wall and his gaze instantly changes. His eyes darken with despise and jealousy before he turns to look at you and the fire in his gaze transforms into another.
With those dark eyes still on you, he reaches down to his sword, pulling and undoing the belt which binds the weapon to his hips while growling deeply, “I have finished my duty.” With one firm tug, the belt snaps and the sword falls on the floor with an echoing thud. He reaches up, snapping his cloak and armoury lose until they all fall on the ground before taking a few steps closer. “And I am done with my role.”
He stops just a few steps away, his presence fills the room until you can feel his heat, feel your breath getting constricted as if he has taken the air from you. “Now, say it again, Your Highness,” he says with his deep voice, while his piercing dark eyes seem to have left you completely entranced that you simply cannot look away, leaving you powerless when he whispers, “How must you address me?”
A deep sigh slips out of you when you let go of all the pretence, giving in to the rush of heat that is beginning to rise and burn inside you as you give up all control.
“Namjoon,” you breathe out, before you soften your voice and regard him to who he truly is, “Master.”
A smile forms on his beautiful face, which looks even more magical with the moonlight falling perfectly on him, the lights accentuating all the perfect lines on his face that you are left completely enthralled and motionless while he stalks closer until he is standing right before you. He stands so tall while you are still sitting down that you are forced to crane your neck to look at him. Yet he still touches your chin to tilt your face up, guiding you to meet his eyes as he whispers, “Good girl. Now undress for me.”
Your body shudders under his command, but Namjoon pulls his hand back before you have a chance to revel in the sensation that he ignites on your body. The loss of his touch instantly makes you feel cold, though your body still moves obediently under his spell, rising slowly from your bed just as he takes a step back to allow you some space.
Your body sways a little as you stand right in front of him, both from the tension and the thrill of finally being with him again. But you soon find your footing as you keep your eyes locked in his, as if he becomes the anchor that holds you up together without him reaching out to hold you. You make no effort to look away as you start to peel off the silky robe covering your body and let it drop to the floor, followed by slowly sliding the straps of your negligee off of your shoulders, and the fabric falls to a pool around your feet, leaving you completely bare and exposed within seconds.
His gaze feels like a gentle caress as he drags his eyes down your naked body, taking in everything, measuring, memorising, capturing every detail that he can find with his eagle sharp eyes. Namjoon begins to move and you can swear that the air crackles and shifts together with him—just like how it always does when he is in the room. Wordlessly, he begins to walk around you in a circle, moving ever so slowly so you can feel his presence everywhere and you are hyperaware of what he is doing. There is no need for him to touch you to feel him, to feel the stroke of heat rising on your skin, when he can do it only a glance.
Once he is done perusing you with his gaze, Namjoon returns to stand before you and you take this moment to actually look at him.
Even without his sword or the weapons that are always hanging around his hips, he still holds power. He doesn’t need his cloak or to wear his ranks on his chest when his whole body oozes command and his sense of authority. And he doesn’t even need any word to have you lower yourself down to your knees to do everything he wants you to. As you are standing here with him, coming face-to-face with the man who holds more power than either your father or your husband-to-be ever would, you realise the reason why you are willing to risk it all and why you have become so addicted to him.
Kim Namjoon, the royal guard who had been assigned to be your protection ever since your marriage to His Royal Majesty Park Jimin, the reigning king from the neighbouring country of Oshen, was decided. The marital agreement was supposed to take place to seal the peace treaty between Oshen and your country, Broania, stopping the century aged war that has been going on and is still exhausting your country’s resources to its ground. Namjoon’s existence was arranged simply to make sure that you would be safe from harm so that your father, the King of Broania, can ensure that the wedding and the agreement will take place and peace will be achieved.
If there was anyone to blame for this tryst to happen, for you and your royal guard to mingle in a way that no law would ever be written to support you and for you to give in to your carnal desire, it would be none other than Park Jimin, the Royal Majesty of Oshen, and your father, the King of Broania, who had deliberately chosen him themselves, never knowing what that decision had led to.
Kim Namjoon is a walking temptation, an epitome of sin, despite him constantly telling you that you were the one who introduced him to these acts of sin by tempting him against fate. But the moment that everything started, neither of you has ever shown any will to stop. Not even if the next day will be the day when you are about to exchange vows to seal your future to another man, even if you are doing so only for the sake of your country and your people, not because of your heart.
Namjoon’s eyes drift lower, and your bare nipples immediately turn into pebbles, hard and pointy and yet so tight they almost hurt. Then his gaze drifts even lower, down to the space between your legs where you are pulsing with desire, anticipating his touch.
“Did you let the servants shave you?” he asks you while his lips form a slow smile at finding your smooth skin.
“I did. It would bring questions if I refuse the treatment the night before my wedding day,” you answer him, biting your lips right after while he makes a ‘tsk’ sound with his tongue, disappointed to know that he has one less task to do while your skin flushes at the thought of him touching you that way.
Ever since you had started to get involved in this tryst, you had managed to unfold a ton of odd kinks and favours that Namjoon enjoys the most. One of the surprising ones had been his perverse need to shave your intimate areas which he takes pleasure in doing. He had shown you this for the first time only the night after he had taken your virginity many months ago, which he later used to show you how much of a difference it would make to have your skin completely bare and exposed to every touch and every caress right after, and how your folds would become terribly sensitive in its smoothness that he had more than once managed to draw your climax only with the touch of his mouth and tongue.
“Lie down. Let me see if they missed anything.”
After humming the words of your obedience, you slowly position yourself at the edge of the bed. Sitting back right the way you were when you were expecting him earlier before scooting back and lying on your back. Your trembling hands reach down to pull your legs up, perching the heels of your foot right on the very edge of the mattress as you open your legs wide, exposing your bare center for his hungry eyes to see.
“Hmm,” he hums deeply while he moves in to get a closer look. “I can’t see anything from here. Why don’t I take a good look—closer?”
Right then, he lowers himself to his knees and positions himself right between your legs. His eyes find yours for a moment before he dips, burying his face at the apex of your thighs, and his mouth latches onto your nether lips. A cry escapes you when he presses his mouth firmly around your folds, devouring you as if he is kissing you right on your lips. Then he begins to move, giving you open-mouthed kisses along your folds, his tongue slipping in and out, lapping at your hot skin and sliding across your slit. He continues to do all the sinful things that he can muster, his mouth and tongue working together, touching, caressing, tasting, until you feel a bundle of flames rolling and coiling from your core.
His hands move to grab onto your thighs as you start trembling, holding on tightly and locking them in place before you can start kicking and thrashing on the bed. One of his hands disappears right as your body arches on top of the mattress, when you are lost in the waves of pleasure engulfing you so intensely that you barely manage to hold on to control. Your hands sink into the sheets, holding on tightly as your hips begin to move, rolling and bucking against his face as he continues to eat and devour your hot core. You are already so close to the edge when he suddenly latches his mouth on the bundle of your nerves, sucking it firmly between his lips, and his fingers slide into your pulsing walls and press down right at the spot that sends you toppling over to your climax.
“Yes, that’s it, Princess. Good girl,” he hums against your hot folds, still lapping on your release while his fingers are still moving in and out of your hot cunt to make all the spasms of your climax last longer than they should.
Your knuckles are beginning to feel sore with how firmly you are clutching at the sheets, but you find it hard to peel them away, knowing that you would need to hold on, to grab onto something while Namjoon is playing with your body so expertly as if he is playing with a music instrument. He continues drawing the pulses of your pleasure rising before they have a chance to wane, and he doesn’t stop until you are once again sent flying high over the peak of your pleasure and then plunging deep that your body quakes in his hold.
A flurry of movements catches your attention while you are coming down from your high. You still feel the tight grip of his hands on your hot skin even when he has already let you go, and you open your hazy eyes to watch him peeling his clothes off, allowing you to see his smooth skin reflecting the moonlight once he is done.
He looks marvellous as he is standing there in his naked glory, looking all strong and powerful and the sight makes your body come alive, already feeling the rush of hunger even when he has already sent you to your climax. The dark intent in his gaze brings out the carnal desire that you have secretly buried inside you for so long. Your body pulses immediately with need, craving badly for his touch. But you bite your lips, holding back from pleading with him to give you what you need, no matter how badly you are craving for it.
Namjoon seems to sense what you are thinking, because he simply grins with amusement before he grabs onto your hips, pulling you up to guide you to lie down on the center of the bed before climbing his way up to follow you. “Do you have anything to say, Princess?”
You nibble on your lips for a moment before answering, “Please—”
“What are you asking from me, Princess?” Namjoon asks you as he moves to hover on top of your naked body, leaning in to let you feel his warmth but not enough to press his bare skin against yours.
”Tell me what you want,” he whispers, while keeping his lips ghosting over your skin, tracing your jawline, your cheek, then stopping right above your lips.
“I want—” you try to speak, only to get distracted when he gently brushes his lips against yours, though he pulls away before you manage to steal a kiss.
“Yes?”
Desperate, and needy, you force yourself to speak, “I want you—”
“To do what, Princess?” he hums against your lips when your words come out in a form of a gasp, and you just snap when his skin comes pressing down on you.
“To fuck me. Make love to me. Make me feel alive.”
Namjoon pulls back and looks at you with his dark eyes. “Is that really what you want?”
“Yes! Yes, please—” you finally start begging him, whining and whimpering with every word you give him. “I need—”
Before you can even finish the sentence, Namjoon moves one hand between your legs, reaching down to part your folds, and your hips jolt upward at the touch. “Do you want me here, inside you?” he asks, dipping the tip of his fingers into your throbbing pussy and stopping before getting too far. “Do you want me to fill you with my cock, just the night before you are about to walk down the aisle with that dress?”
Your skin flush the moment you are reminded of the wedding dress, out there on display as a silent witness to your debauchery. There is an urge to look over to find it, but it is hard for you to look away from Namjoon’s intense gaze, even if your skin flushes further when he questions you, “Do you want me to defile you with sin before you would cover your tainted body with the dress that was made to represent your purity?”
With a gasp, you words come tumbling out, “Yes, Namjoon. Yes to all!”
He dives in to capture your lips in his, and your mouths begin to melt and tangle hungrily with one another as you are instantly lost in the kiss, drunk in the feeling of his devouring mouth and the slip of his tongue lapping at the seams of your lips. He pulls back once you are nothing but a breathless mess, keeping his lips ghosting over yours when he whispers, “You are not to come until I say so.”
It barely registers to you that he already has his hands traveling lower, until you feel the tight grip on your thighs when he parts your legs apart. The pulse that comes from your center feels too intense that you instantly feel the urge to close your legs together, only to have him stopping you as he lowers his hips, keeping you spread to him with the width of his body while his fingers are keeping your folds apart. His lips return to yours just as he presses the crown of his cock right at your slick entrance. His kiss grows harder to devour you as he presses down into you, bucking his hips against your center to drive his cock into your core with one swift push.
His thrust comes so abruptly that you cannot hold back the cry coming out of your lips. You cling to him with your nails digging into the hot toned slabs of muscles sculpting his back as he begins to move, feeling his body ripple under your touch as he rolls his hips, thrusting deep inside you repeatedly in fluent movements.
It doesn’t take long before you begin to feel the ripples of your orgasm rising, pulsing around his cock as he keeps on pounding into you. “Already?” he grunts deeply without missing a pace. “But we’re just getting started, Princess.”
The teasing tone in his voice is hard to miss, and he does so deliberately without hiding it only because he knows the reason why you are so quick to coming to the edge. He knows because he was the one who caused it, after depriving you from your climax the night before when he forbid you to cum and left you writhing on the bed, and after he spent the whole day leaving you sexually frustrated by constantly being there during your wedding preparation and distracting you with his stolen touches and kisses.
“Ah—I can’t!” you cry out when the pulses bursting inside your core become so intense, and you start feeling as if you are at the last thread of your control, so close to giving in and defying his command so you can have your release.
Suddenly, Namjoon grows still and his hands find your hips. You open your eyes with a whine, while he only chuckles, perhaps amused to see how desperate you are. “Oh no, I won’t let you defy me. In this bed, my word is absolute, and you are going to follow obediently if you want to cum tonight,” he groans huskily, keeping his wicked smile on his face. His words makes you shiver. But instead of fear, the only thing you feel is the desire to have more, the pleasure to have someone else taking control. At your compliance, Namjoon leans in for a kiss, leaving a quick peck as he murmurs, “Don’t worry, princess. I know that you’re still learning to control your body and your pleasure, and you’re still learning how to give it completely to me. Let me help you. I know just want to do.”
With one single tug, he manages to pull you up and turn your bodies around until you are on top of him, straddling him as he remains lying down on the bed. He has his head resting leisurely on top of the pillows which you have piled up against the headrest, finding comfort as he keeps you on his hips and his cock deep inside your cunt.
The sudden change of position helps ease down the intense pulses inside your pussy. But only for it to be enough to stop you from toppling over the peak of your climax before you are allowed to. The throbs are still there, present even if they are less intense that they were before, made to last by the slow and soft thrusts that he is still giving you.
“Now you hold control. Ride me, pick your pace and rhythm, and find a way to understand your body a little better so you’ll know what to do.”
His calming words are filled with confidence and power but still manage to give you a sense of reprieve. You always love how he remains patient in leading and guiding you as he introduces you to this new realm of carnal pleasure, how he can be a dominant master at one second and then a passionate lover and teacher the next.  
Being perched on top of him gives you a full display of the magnificent sight of his strong, bare chest. Your eyes wander to give a perusing gaze down his torso, marvelling at how the lines of his toned muscles seem to have been engraved by the Gods themselves. Unable to resist the urge to touch, you trace down each line with your fingers, enjoying the soft grunts that he makes at the touch of your gentle caress and the way his body twitches slightly as you begin to trail lower, touching his waist, before pressing down on his torso to push yourself up.
“Holy f—” he groans as you come up, dragging your pussy all the way up his length. Your walls clench tightly around the crown of his cock the moment you stop moving, not allowing him to slide all the way out. Then you take a moment to relish the wonderful feeling of your walls pulsing around him before lowering yourself, sliding down his hard shaft until he is completely buried inside you so deep it feels like your bodies have become one. It also feels immensely satisfying to no longer feel any void or space left inside you with how perfect he is filling you up with his wide girth.
As if his cock had been carved just to fit perfectly well inside your walls.
“It feels so good,” you gasp as you continue to bounce up and down his cock, repeatedly chanting words of praises under your breath to let him know just how good he makes you feel and how perfect it feels the way his girth is sliding in and out of you.
Just as you find your rhythm, Namjoon suddenly pushes himself up, sitting up so his chest is almost brushing against yours. His grip lands on your hips, allowing him to guide your body to move in a certain angle which allows him to go deeper, for you to feel the crown of his cock pushing right at your depth, and for your clit to keep rubbing against his pubic hair as you continue to move together as one. Once again, the waves of pleasure comes rising in your body before you can stop it, and you are soon trembling against him when it becomes too much for you to handle. “Oh, my—”
Your words dissolve into a strangled moan as his teeth sink into the base of your throat, sending a rush that draws your body to curve forward, pressing your breasts against him. His lips travel down, moving lower while pressing open-mouthed kisses on your skin, then continue lower, until his mouth latches onto your breast, taking one aching nipple between his lips and giving it a gentle suck. He stays there for a moment, sucking and lapping at the pebbled nub a few more times before moving on to the other and giving it the same treatment. He repeats the action, again and again, capturing and sucking the tip of each breast, moving from one side to the next while the sound of your moans continue to echo against the walls of your bedroom, and it keeps growing gradually louder as he moves his hips at the same rhythm as his mouth does, bringing your pleasure rising to its peak.
Your hands find the back of his head, fingers treading between the strands of his hair as you keep him there for a moment while you savour the wonderful rush of pleasure surging in your bodies. Tugging at his hair, you pull his head back and guide him towards you. He pulls back obediently, following your cue, and then his lips are on yours.
Your mouths are tangled leisurely in a deep kiss as you guide yourself up and down Namjoon’s cock, completely hyperaware of the fact that Namjoon has a clear view of your wedding dress from this position and angle. He must have been keeping his eyes on it when his hands grow tighter on your skin and the force of his thrusts increase rapidly as if he is releasing his rage and frustration and he is simply letting them all out through his relentless poundings. Meanwhile, you only savour the delightful feeling in your body as you are hypnotised by the rasping hums coming from the back of his throat and the slick sound of his cock sliding in and out of your core. You are completely delirious at the heightened pleasure, and your body seems to be moving on its own as it chases the waves of your orgasm with your hips moving and rolling on top of him.
Your hands continue to capture the smoothness of his skin and the heat he is emitting as you run them down his strong shoulders, finding his broad chest where you rest your palms, feeling his rapid heartbeat under your touch. Meanwhile, his fingers feel rough as he guides your hips to move in a steady rhythm that brings all the waves of your pleasure to rise and burn, flowing through your bodies and growing even more intense with each pound of his cock.
Outside, the wind picks up, bringing the sound of the dancing branches from the trees in the garden and the sound of the dry leaves crawling on the ground. With them also comes the soft hum of familiar voices chatting as they come passing through the garden right below your window, and your breath stills with a strangled gasp.
Your nipples harden against Namjoon’s chest as he pulls you in tightly to him. Your naked skin thrums with a keen, inappropriate awareness realising that you are up here, completely bare in the arms of another man, while your husband-to-be is having a night stroll with your brother the night before your wedding day.
Namjoon’s hands dig firmly into your hips and you squirm a little against him, feeling his hard cock pressing against your walls. A thrill seeps down your spine when you think of the situation, to imagine how easy it would be to get caught, how close the man you are about to be married with to find you even if he cannot see you right this moment.
“Are you afraid that the King will find out what you are doing, Princess?” Namjoon whispers hoarsely into your ear as you continue to squirm on his lap, making his cock twitch against your pulsing walls. “How would he react, I wonder, if he knows just how bad his little princess truly is? But what if—he finds out, and he insists to watch you being a bad girl?”
At his question, your body voluntarily shudders, though you feel the utmost intrigue of finding out the answer. You are not exactly known as someone who would take big risks in your life. At least, not until the day you met Namjoon. But it almost seems that ever since you have crossed over the line with him and your eyes are opened to see the world around you with a new light, to be able to see and learn more about all the sexual favours and kinks that you have never known before, you soon find that taking risks only makes your body grow hot. And you show this to him by clenching your muscles around him as you move on his cock.
“Hmm—have you ever thought about having an audience before?” Namjoon asks you quietly. There is something dark and mischievous in his low, taunting voice as he asks you the simple, yet sinful question, and it sends your mind wandering off to all kinds of possibilities. Your imagination is now running wild, and instead of feeling disgusted about it, your body heats up with a newfound desire.
The deep chuckle that Namjoon makes you lets you know that he can feel what you are thinking from the way your body seems to be reacting to it. He then reciprocates by igniting those flames further with the tip of his fingers. His teasing touches snaps your body to come alive as he moves his hands, his fingertips floating over the notches of your spine to draw your attention back to him instead of focusing on the man who might be standing right below your windows as his voice seems to remain in one spot.
“I have never,” you answer him, shaking your head, feeling your skin flushed to the thought of showing your indecent act in front of the prim and proper man that you will be walking the aisle for tomorrow in the noon.
A dangerous glint appears in his dark eyes, a pair of pools of wicked intention and sin while he wears a charming loose grin that melts your heart when he offers, “Would you like to do a little dare, then? Let’s find out if performing for him will make your body hotter and see if you will enjoy the thrill.”
“H-how?” you ask him, biting your lips to hold back a smile. “Are we going to play pretend that he comes asking to watch? Do we picture him standing right there in the corner of the room? Or maybe he is sitting at my writing table, leaning back leisurely while I ride your cock right in front of his eyes?”
Namjoon chuckles. “No, Princess. I have a better idea,” he says, sliding his hands down your body to find your hips. What he says next draws a surprised gasp, but also brings more excitement growing inside you when he says, “Why should we pretend when he is right out there, standing down below, completely oblivious about how his future wife is taking another man’s cock inside her?”
With one swift move, he pulls you tighter to his chest before he moves. The act is done so fluently and so quick that you feel like the only thing you have done is blink your eyes and you are suddenly lifted, being carried across the bedroom with him while your body is tangled around him. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you soon realise where he is taking you to, and your heartbeat picks up when he takes you to the window, only stopping when your bare ass are pressed against the windowsill.
“All he has to do is look up, crane his neck and focus on your window to witness with his very own eyes how the royal guard is doing all the sinful thing to his wife that he may never be able to,” he says, his eyes are completely filled with sin as he flickers his gaze over to find King Jimin and your brother down there before he pays attention on you once again, all while he keeps your back facing out the window, only allowing you to see his face instead.  
One of his hands come up to caress your throat. You capture his thumb as he brushes the tip across your lips, taking it between your mouth, sucking it teasingly before pressing your teeth into the pad of his finger. Namjoon shudders and keeps his eyes on your lips, watching the little act with a sigh. “Do you want that? Do you want to show the King what a filthy, naughty little princess you are?”
Biting your lips, you hold back from moaning just as he begins to rock his hips, moving his cock in and out of you slowly while you worry about making any noise that may reach down below to alert them.
“Look at the mighty King, unaware that his bride-to-be is having her body tainted. Having no clue just how filthy she is, riding another cock like a wild animal.” You arch your body, letting your head fall back as you look over your shoulder to find them. Sure enough, there they are, standing just a few feet away into the garden from the walls of your bedroom and right below your window on the second floor. You watch them for a moment, both of them completely oblivious to what is happening right above their heads. How you are pressed against the cold glass with your royal guard’s cock inside you, moving in and out of you slowly as he continues to move his hips in short thrusts.
“I wonder if he can hear you,” he whispers close, leaning in to press a kiss at your pulse, before bucking his hips forward to thrust deeper, pushing his cock with more force then slowly picking up his pace. Your eyes flutter shut as Namjoon’s head dips lower and his mouth finds one of your pebbled nipples, taking it back between his teeth, biting into it gently to draw a moan out of your mouth. “What would you want to say to him?”
When you give him nothing but a soft, drawn-out moan to answer him, Namjoon pulls out and briskly turns you around, making you face the windows while nudging your legs apart with his knees. With one hand on your hip to hold you steady, he uses the other hand to guide himself back to your folds, slipping between your hot flesh without entering you. “Tell the King what you are doing.”
You look at Jimin’s eyes, watching him getting too engrossed in the conversation that he is sharing with your brother while only casting his gaze between your brother and the beautiful garden around them, but never going so far up to your windows to find you. You imagine that if he does look up, you wonder what he would see. You imagine his gaze soaring over your curves, over your full breasts that are completely bare and are now pressed against the window glass as Namjoon pushes you forward with each thrust of his cock between your legs.
“I—” you gasp out as his cock glides along your slit. “I am riding Namjoon’s thick cock,” you murmur softly. Your body seems to have a mind of its own when you begin to move, matching his rhythm until he is moving easily against your pulsing cunt. “I have his cock sliding and pressing against me.”
“Tell him how bad you need my cock,” Namjoon groans hoarsely on your ear, his rough hands holding onto your hips, dragging your body back against him.
“I want it so bad—” you whine softly, though you stop when he nips at your shoulder.
“Are you telling me, or him?”
“Jimin—” you gasp out just as Namjoon presses the crown of his cock against your swollen clit. “I want it so bad, Jimin. I want Namjoon’s cock in me.”
With your hands pressed against the window, you arch your hips back as he pulls back, and he guides his cock between your legs, this time aiming the thick crown of his girth to trail along your slit. Moving with a soft rock of your hips, he pushes forward, and your moans melt together as he enters you, burying himself deep in one swift thrust.  
“Mm—you feel so good,” you whisper with a breathless moan, while Namjoon only responds with a deep grunt of his own, enjoying the feeling of your sweet cunt swallowing him, snuggling perfectly around him.  
“Yes, so fucking tight, Princess. You feel so good around me.”
Your eyes drift down, watching the reflection of your body that you find on the window to see his cock sliding in and out of you, both of you are slippery and swollen and raw as you are moving together with each thrust, and you are completely exposed through it all. If only their gazes would drift all the way up, even the reflection from the moonlight would only give a poorly disguised cover to hide your wicked tryst.
“Tell him what is happening,” he groans deeply, slowly adding the pace of his thrusts once you begin to match his pace.
Relishing the wonderful feeling of his cock plunging deep inside you, coming back with a force each time he goes deep, your voice comes small and airy when you speak. “I have a thick cock pounding inside me.”
“Mm—do you like that?” Namjoon hums against your skin.
“Mhm—yes, Namjoon. I love how you feel inside me.”
Namjoon gives a low grunt and leans down, a kiss comes pressing at your pulse before he murmurs against your skin, his voice husky and thick when he gently commands you, “Tell the King how much you love my cock.”
You open your eyes with a gasp when he pushes with a hard thrust as he says it, while your voice comes out breathy and hoarse. “I love his cock, Your Majesty. I love Namjoon’s cock.”
“I wish he can see how true it is,” Namjoon rasps as he keeps on pounding deep inside you, not missing a beat as he pushes his hips into you, over and over while adding pace and more force into his thrusts. Meanwhile, each sway of his hips sends your own to move forward, and then you find yourself rubbing your swollen clit against the cool glass, sending you raw sparks of bliss that feels absolutely breathtaking and intoxicating at the same time.
The pleasure he ignites within you feels so intense, when your senses capture various things all at once—the different temperature from the cold glass and the heat forming between your bodies, the lewd sounds, the risk of getting caught—and then you can feel it, how close it is from coming, how strong it coils from the depth of your core and how easy it would be for you to fall over the edge of it if only you would let yourself embrace it.
“Namjoon, I want to come—” you beg him, whining with each word. “—so close.”
He chuckles deeply to your ear. “Are you really? So fucking dirty aren’t you, little princess? You’re going to come all over my cock while your future husband and king is out there, just a few feet away?”
You open your eyes to find him, still standing there with your brother to admire the glasshouse with his back now facing your window. Though having his conversation with your brother means that he cannot completely turn away, staying in an angle that would allow him to see everything that is going on around him from the corner of his eyes. Seeing him there only makes your muscles clench, the awareness becomes your trigger, but Namjoon is the one who has the final word.
“Are you not going to ask me nicely for it, Princess?” he asks gruffly, slowing down his thrusts instead of giving you what you need before swinging his hand down on your bare ass with a resounding smack. The sting makes you clench your muscles around him, pushing your climax even closer that you almost feel yourself slipping and losing control.
“Please—” you whisper breathlessly before finding your voice again. “Please, master,” you murmur demurely with a fluttering moan. “Please let me come, master. I’m so—”
His hand swings back down, giving you a lighter smack on one side of your ass and then another on the other side, serving as the distraction that he needs while his large hands come down to your hips. He cups you at the curves of your hips and butt and hoists you up, pressing you harder into the window glass.
With a long, heavy thrust of his hips, he nails you against the window, drawing a sharp airy gasp coming from the depth of your throat as the forceful pound of his cock knocks the air out of your lungs while the cool glass pricks at your hot skin.
The hot and cold between his rapid thrusts and the prickling cool glass intensify the rush of your climax, allowing it to rise intensely higher, and higher, and all it takes is one last push from him for you to allow yourself the pleasure of your release. And when he leans down, your body almost comes still as you wait for his enchantment to slip right out of his lips.
From all the nights that you have spent with him, Namjoon has learned just how much you love it when he calls you names, degrades you, all in a toxic kind of satisfaction that would push you over the edge. That is why right before he grants you the release that you deserve, Namjoon leans in, whispering to your ear just what a filthy whore you are becoming for embracing your pleasure right under your future husband’s nose and what a dirty little princess you are for getting so turned on by the thought of your fiancé catching you in the act and watching you doing it.
“Now cum for me, my little whore. Cum around my cock,” he finally commands you when the tremble in your body intensifies, and you unravel with a cry, your hot cunt clenching tightly around him with a wave of heat flashing and bursting right at your center.
You must be delirious, you silently wonder, as a random thought comes crossing your mind before you even start coming down from your high. But you cannot resist yourself from asking what your body desires the most. “I want you to cum inside me. Please, master—”
His final few thrusts become sloppy as he reaches his finish, but he carries on. “Tell him,” he grunts quietly, his voice is slightly trembling from holding back, though you can see from the reflection you see on the glass how his eyes are blazing wickedly at you. “Tell him that you want me to fill your pussy with my cum.”
Swallowing the last cries of pleasure still bubbling inside your throat, you finally breathe out, “Jimin…I want Namjoon to fill me with his…cum. Ah!”
Namjoon traps you between his hard chest and the cold glass, his fingers gripping tightly onto your hips, his chest feels sticky on your back, pressing hard against you that you can feel the vibration coming from his whole body when he finds his release, soon emptying himself deep between your legs. His growl of pleasure is slightly muffled as he presses his lips on the side of your neck, before the sound becomes soft moans and a long sigh as the very last spurt of his climax.
Once everything is done, your whole body feels completely sated and exhausted that you instantly melt into his arms, growing soft against his chest as he carries you away from the window and back to your bed. The thought of looking over to see if your potential audiences had ever caught you at all completely slips out of your mind when your eyes flutter close, and you breathe in the musky scent coming from his body which always smells marvellous after his release.
You can barely keep your eyes open as Namjoon carries you across the room. Any word you have been planning to say to him simply vanishes when your hum only tumbles into a yawn and you give up, letting your head fall into the dip of Namjoon’s bare shoulder.
The sheets on your bed are cool and soothing when he gently lays you down onto the mattress and your exhaustion wins, pulling you deep into your slumber without any chance for you to say goodnight. You don’t even notice it when Namjoon disappears for a while, or when he returns not a minute later with a bowl of warm water and a small towel. He chuckles as he finds you snuggling into the linens, though he somehow manages to clean you up, rubbing the remnants of his cum and your release clean from between your legs and rubs gently on your sore skin before pulling the covers over you.
Namjoon only stays to watch you sleep for a brief moment, leaving floating kisses on the top of your unkempt hair and your temple before he starts dressing and prepares to leave. His eyes fall on the wedding dress before he steps out of your bedroom. His hands are clenched tightly with the urge to burn it into ashes. The only reprieve that he gets is knowing that you will only be married to the King by name only, that the King will only posses you in title and nothing more, while your body will always be his for however long you would let it happen.
Namjoon knows it better than anyone else that nobody in this world will ever be able to own your heart. Nobody in this world will ever deserve it.
Though you may never know that you have already claimed his heart since the very first moment he laid his eyes on you, and he will give it to you all, even if you will one day break him apart.
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— © 2021 Tomoe Dia, all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any kind is not allowed. translations are not allowed.
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nonameyoon · a month ago
Text
Mafia! BTS Reactions: You getting hurt because of them/they accidentally hurt you~
(Hyung line)
Warning: This will contain some content where reader gets hurt. If you are not comfortable with that, then please look for another story.
//(N/N)=nickname//
Jin:
You were a handful to say the least. Jin sighed heavily as he carried your limp body towards his apartment door. The first thing he had told you not to do, you had done. “Don’t get drunk,” it was that simple. But of course, you didn’t listen. So there he was, struggling to open the door while carrying you. You buried your nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling the strong cologne he always wore.
Jin on the other hand, was hit with the strong smell of alcohol every time you mumbled something incoherent to him. The unpleasant scent made him cringe and scrunch his nose up in disgust. He hated when you got drunk.
“Jiiiinnieee, open the doooor,” You slurred out, kicking your legs up in a tantrum.
“I’m trying, but it’s not easy when I’m carrying someone,” he snapped, finally unlocking the door and pushing it open. Your giggles filled the hallway as you held onto him, leaving sweet wet kisses all over his neck.
“(Y/N) stop, you’re drunk,” he said calmly, lifting your body again and holding you tightly. But as he was about to enter the apartment, your head made contact with the doorway. The strong contact echoed through the quiet apartment as Jin looked down at you. You would’ve laughed it off if you weren’t so drunk, but right now your eyes started watering as if it was the most painful thing you’ve been put through.
“…(Y/N)—,”
“It hurts Jin!! My head hurts!!,” you sobbed, he forgot how emotional you got when you were intoxicated. He sighs, carrying you to the bedroom and laying you on the bed
“You hurt me!,”
“(Y/N)—,”
“I’m going to die!,”
“(Y/N)…,”
“Goodbye beautiful world,”
“(Y/N)!!,” your eyes snapped back at him once he raised his voice, even more tears running down your puffy cheeks. He sighs once again and gently pushes some strands of hair out of you face.
“I didn’t mean to raise my voice… here,” he sat besides your laying figure, kissing the top of your head where you had previously bumped on the doorway. Your heart fluttered once his lips made contact with your head, the tears immediately coming to a halt.
“Does that feel better? I’m sorry, I should’ve been more careful,” he places yet another kiss onto your head, handling you with such love.
“It okay Jinnie, I love you,” you managed to slur out, a grin decorating your features, making him smile gently at you. It was entertaining to see how drastically your attitude changed from sobbing to grinning like a dork. Oh, how he loved you so much. He snapped back to reality once he heard your soft voice call out to him.
“Jinnie?,”
“Yes princess?,”
“I need to puke,”
Oh boy, this will be a long night.
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Yoongi:
Both you and Yoongi were laying on the couch, enjoying the free time Yoongi had from his work. He would always spend his time inside his office working, barely even having time for you lately. So it was nice that you two could finally spend time together just relaxing and taking the day off.
Yoongi’s eyes never left the screen as he was very focused on the movie that was playing. You on the other hand, were lost in your own thoughts. You’ve been wondering this for a while but never got an answer. Was Yoongi ticklish?
I know, a dumb question, but come on. If there was something Yoongi always complained about, it would be the way your fingers grazed against his stomach or neck. He would immediately push your hand away and tell you to stop. So since then, you’ve always thought about it none stop.
As you look up at your boyfriend, who was still very focused on the movie, a big grin plastered on your face. Your hand moved upwards, your fingertips grazing over his clothed stomach, yet it still made Yoongi stiffen.
“What are you doing?,” he questioned, about to shove your hand away. Fortunately, you were much more quicker. You immediately moved your hands up and under his underarms. You fingers moved and wiggled against his soft flesh, and to your surprise, a series of giggles and laughter burst out your usually stoic boyfriend’s mouth.
“Oh. my. God. You’re ticklish… I knew it,” you laugh, moving your hands to other body parts that might be ticklish too.
“I’m not- stop it! (Y/N) stop!,” he said between laughs, trying to grab onto your wiggling fingers that were causing his skin to tingle.
“I’ve never heard you laugh this adorably! I should do this more often,” you giggled proudly, lowering your hands onto his stomach. Yoongi flinched, his hands automatically pushing you away from him to stop you from tickling him even more.
But as you tried to catch yourself, your back made contact with the sharp edge of the little wooden table in front of you. You dropped to the floor, a hand flying to your back to clutch the area where the flesh had just been abused. Your whines finally woke Yoongi from his daze as he panicked and got up to help you.
“Shit- sorry baby, I didn’t mean to push you. Are you ok?,” he asked worriedly, turning you around to examine your back. You whine as his fingers grazed the wound that had already start to bruise.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,”
“Auch… it’s fine Yoongi, you didn’t mean it,” you turn to him and smile gently, flinching a bit when you changed positions.
“Still, I’m sorry. Now you’re going to have a bruise because of me,”
“Yoongi,” you grabbed his face and made him look at you. His dark orbs pierced into yours as he examined your features.
“It’s alright, it’s just a bruise,” and you spent the whole night assuring him that he had done nothing wrong since it wasn’t on purpose. He even promised to give you free back messages for the whole week since he felt really bad. But he knew deep down that all you wanted was to keep tickling him again just to hear his laugh. You were just the most precious thing to him really.
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Hoseok:
It was late at night when Hoseok finally arrived home from work. He entered the quiet apartment and sighed, mostly of relief since he’d get to see you after a long day. Just the thought of laying beside you and holding you tight sent butterflies to his stomach.
He quickly made his way towards your shared bedroom, expecting to see your peaceful sleeping figure laying on the bed, only to find it completely empty. This did not worry him at first though, thinking that you were in the bathroom or something of the sorts. But as he waited patiently for you to return, you didn’t. So he went to check the bathroom too.
Empty.
That’s when panic began building inside him. It was unusual for you to not be in bed when he got home, let alone be nowhere in the house. Had the rival mafia finally taken you as some sort of hostage? Had that time finally come where Hoseok would have to hide you away from any danger that might try to get to you?
He quickly took his gun from under his suit jacket, pulling the hammer down and searching the entire house.
Guest rooms? Empty. Kitchen? Empty. Living room ? Empty.
“Fuck, where are you baby?!,” Hoseok mumbled to himself, getting frustrated by every passing minute. Where the hell were you?!
He quickly entered his office to contact his men; if you had been kidnapped he was going to need all the men he could to find you and capture whoever had taken you away.
But as he entered the room, a dark shadow loomed on the other side of his desk. Out of instinct, Hoseok pulled the trigger, the loud bang echoing through the room. But that wasn’t the only sound heard by Hoseok, what made his stomach drop was the sound of your shrieking.
Hoseok rushed to turn the lights on, catching a glimpse of your figure cradling one of your arms in plain. Loud whines came out of your mouth which made his heart ache. He rushes towards your shaking body, looking at your arm to see if he had really shot you. Luckily, the bullet had barely missed you, but still grazed the soft skin, leaving an ugly graze that still bled a lot. As he sighed in relief, his worried expression started contorting into one of anger and panic.
“What we’re you doing here?! I could’ve killed you!,” he shook you by the shoulders, raising his voice loud enough for him to be yelling at you. Your head hung low as you whimpered quietly, which was unheard by Hoseok.
“I’ve told you many times to always stay in bed when it’s late! Do you know how worried I was?! And now look! I almost shot you! Are you stupid?!,” in a fit of rage, he kept going.
Your mind was blank for just a moment, before fresh hot tears rolled down your cheeks. Not only did the wound on your arm stung horribly, but now Hoseok was yelling at you. But he kept on rambling, only stopping when he felt a wet drop fall on his arm.
That’s the only moment where he took his time to examine your features. Watching your tears roll down your puffy cheeks, his heart gave a tight squeeze. He had been so lost in the moment that he hadn’t notice your trembling figure. He should’ve comfort you instead of yelling and scolding you.
A heavy sigh was released from his chest as he held you face in his hands.
“Let’s…. Let’s patch you up,” he said before going to get his med kit and some other things to help your wound.
He handled you with care and love all the way, hands gently holding your face after he finished.
“Why were you in here baby,” he asked, wiping the tears that still streamed down your face.
“I was just… looking for the charger I gave you yesterday…,” you explained, lifting your hand up to show him the charger that you still clutched tightly. He stared at it and sighed, rubbing his thumb against your cheek.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I was just… I got scared, I thought I had shot you,” he explained, and although he knew that it didn’t give him the right to yell at you when you were clearly hurt, he couldn’t help himself. In his mind, he’d be nothing without you.
“I’m sorry…,” you apologize, head hanging low in shame and sadness.
“Shh, it’s ok baby. I’m the one that should be sorry,” his lips came into contact with yours, your body immediately relaxing after feeling his gentle kiss.
“Now let’s go to bed, I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow and we’ll spend the whole day together,” he beamed, helping you stand and hugging you tightly after. He always knew how to put a smile on your face.
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Namjoon:
You were currently laying on the soft sheets with Namjoon right by your side. You two had decided to lay outside in the yard today since it was the perfect weather for it. A smile graced your features as you watched the clouds form different shapes.
“That one looks like a doggy,” you pointed, giggling at the dog shaped cloud. Namjoon raised an eyebrow and shook his head in disagreement.
“No, it looks like a cat,”
“Of course not, it’s obviously a dog. See? Look at the ears!,”
“Dogs don’t have really long tails, (N/N),” he chuckled and pushed you playfully, which you answered by groaning.
“It’s not that long, maybe it’s a mutant dog,”
“That’s absolutely terrifying,” he pointed out, his eyes furrowed while his imagination ran wild with images of a mutant catdog species. You laugh at his reaction, propping yourself up with your elbows.
“You’re just blind and that’s why you can’t see the dog,” you pushed him with your elbow, giggling at his dorky smile.
“Blind? You offend me,” his hand flew to his chest, acting as if you had just said the most offensive thing a person could ever say.
“Yes, blind,” poking him in the chest, you get up. A smug grin plastered on your face as you watched him closely. The big bad Namjoon, who was feared by everyone, was a big dork when it came to you.
“What are you grinning about? Don’t make me come for you,” he warned playfully as he too sat up.
“Oh? Really? You’re going to come for me?,”
“Don’t think I won’t,” he replied, getting ready to chase you, knowing all too well you’d burst out running at any moment. And you did. The moment he got up to his feet, you were already sprinting away from your boyfriend.
The chase was filled with both your giggles and his laughter. It would be strange for any other person to hear him laugh like this, but it was all too common for you. He melted at your touch and became putty under you. Of course, this was only around you. No one else could ever hear or see him like this. It was all reserved for you.
But as you kept running, he was slowly catching up to you. With him only a few inches away from you, you tried to speed up, only for your foot to take a wrong step.
The feeling of your foot bending and spraining sent an electric shock through your whole body. Your knees bucked and you body plummeted to the ground in a matter of seconds.
“Fuck!,” the sudden cursing made Namjoon stop just in time before he could trip with your body.
“Woah, what happened? Is everything alright?,” all the laughter that was heard only mere seconds ago had completely died down, only to be replaced with your whining and Namjoon’s worried tone.
“I think I sprained my ankle— shit! It hurts so bad!,” at this point Namjoon had already picked you up and took you inside. He had your personal doctor come to check on you—you wondered how he came to check on you so quick and how he was always free for you, but Namjoon assured you it was mere coincidence— and he even made you some coffee.
“It’s just a sprained ankle, Joonie,” you explained after seeing your distraught boyfriend pace around the room.
“It could’ve been much worse! From now on, we will avoid chasing each other,” he explained, crossing his arms and quietly scolding himself.
“You’re being dramatic again,”
“I’m not. I’m just taking precautions!,” you chuckle at his stubbornness.
“That cloud was a dog though,”
“… it was a cat,”
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Tag list: @mwitsmejk
371 notes · View notes
knjdilfs · 4 months ago
Text
—bts fic recs masterlist
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↯ here is a compilation of fic recommendation masterlists
sushireads
ggukkiereads - jk sports au list, jk list, knj list, bts list
ggukkiekland
agust-bee
namoonficrecs
namjoon fic recs
knj fic recs
jungkook-imagine
hying line fic rec
taetaespeaches
jetaimin
seoksinjin (angst list)
sopeverse
treasuretaeil
moonchild1 - jk fic rec
moonlightgukkie
joonapeach
justimajin
getitiinbusan
ficswithluv
kimvtae
mimithings97
chateautae
joonsgalore
ridreads
[UPDATED 14.07.21]
↯ check my pinned for other bts compilations & ml
1K notes · View notes
yoongsisbae · 3 months ago
Text
Bon Voyage: Into the Sea - Chapter 2
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A storm capsized your boat and looks like you were the only survivor. Somehow you made it to shore, but where? Stranded, you suddenly find out you are not alone, and now you’re stuck in the middle of a centuries old conflict between 7 monsters.
BTS fantasy AU. OT7 x reader werewolf!Namjoon x werewolf!Hoseok x werewolf!Jungkook x vampire!Jimin x siren!Yoongi x reader & other members to be revealed later. Angst/fluff/smut.
I can’t believe chapter one hit over 500 notes :’) BV:ITS has become my second most liked story, thank you so so much!!! <3
Warnings: horror, scary monsters, blood, violence, kidnapping, fighting, slapping, a good amount of men overpowering female that I think could be triggering, A LOT OF NAKEDNESS cause I don’t prescribe to the idea that clothes just magically appear when all these hybrids are transforming (poor y/n always be getting a face full of peepee), rough sex, threesome, orgasm denial
Word count: 13.3k
---
Yoongi was a transactional being. He worked in deals, in sparkling payments to add to his collection. When he met the resident two idiot bloodsuckers loitering around his island he initially planned to kill them, dragging the pair into the farthest depths of his beloved sea, but he hadn’t counted on them already being dead. After many failed attempts at trying to kill each other, he and the pair had somehow become friendly, and then somehow became even more than that. Though now, after everything that transpired between them, he would much rather think of them as business partners.
When Jin and Jimin found him again after years of isolation with the proposition of body for bounty, Yoongi went along with it because what else was there to do now? He could barely remember a time when he left the island. He used to leave all the time, explore the ocean and the world, until humans made the sea almost near impossible to traverse with their high tech fishing gear, thousands of nets and plastic littering the sea, trash and oil that almost killed him on more than one occasion. He grew to hate humans, so if he could get rid of some of them for a price, why wouldn’t he take the opportunity to rid the world of pests?
He remembered catching you, just like he had done with countless other humans, bringing their half lifeless bodies to the island for Jimin and Jin. He knew as long as they weren’t fully dead the pair could use some of that magical blood to heal them, and then well after that... In Yoongi’s mind, their fate had already been sealed the minute they fell into the water, it wasn’t his problem to deal with anymore. Except now. You are very much his problem.
Yoongi remembered watching you from below just as he was now, impressed at how far you swam in the stormy sea. So when you finally succumbed to the unrelenting force of the ocean, he almost wanted to let you drown, it would be a kinder fate. But instead, he did what he had done so many times before, breathed life back into your lungs with a spectral kiss and pulled your body lower, swimming back to what had become his home.
What are you doing here? Yoongi thinks. You’re supposed to be with those leeches. Yoongi frowns, he completed his end of the deal, brought you to the island like so many other unsuspecting humans before you, so if you somehow escaped it's those two idiots’ fault. The mermaid swims restlessly back and forth on the seafloor. He still better get what is owed to him, he thinks, especially now that your gross human body is dirtying his pool.
The only thing he can do now is drag you back to them and ask for double the payment.
---
You feel something wrap around your ankle and before you have time to register the sensation you are dragged under water, barely managing to inhale air before your nostrils meet water. You reach for your ankle, expecting maybe seaweed, tentacles, anything but a set of soft fingers slippery to the touch.
You try to pry them off of you, needing to get back to the surface for air, but you’re dragged further and further down. Your mind doesn’t think, only acts out of survival, your body moving on pure instinct alone.
You remembered an arbitrary survival video you only half paid attention to, one about shark attacks. They said you had to stab the shark in the eyes to save your life. Except this is not a shark and you don’t have a knife. You do have a bar of soap though, so you stick that bar of soap right into Yoongi’s eyes.
And it works. Yoongi is so taken aback by the sting he feels in his pupils, his vision blurs and he loosens his grip on your ankle. You take the opportunity to kick as fast as possible to the surface.
The moment you break the water’s surface you gasp for air, lungs burning painfully at how long you had to hold your breath underwater. You scramble for the pool’s edge, arms dragging along the rocks to pull your soaked heavy body out of the water. You heave your torso onto the freezing rock floor. You unwittingly swam deeper into the cave where the sunlight’s heat can’t reach.
Your fingers grip the slippery rocks, trying your best to pull the rest of your body out of the water. You are almost fully on land when you feel wet fingers graze your ankles again, and you kick wildly. Thankfully the water makes you slippery too, and by some miracle you manage to pull your ankle out of your attacker's grasp once more.
You crawl on the cave floor, your body feeling heavier out of the water. You search for an exit only to realize there is none, and that’s when you hear it, a bellowing laugh. The maniacal laughter bounces off the cave walls, and you can’t help but look for its source.
You see him, wet black hair slicked back, skin so light it almost glows in the dark cave, sharp features highlighted by his laughter, and torso naked except for a collection of silver necklaces hanging against his chest. His toned arms easily lifts his body out of water and that’s when you see-
It’s a mermaid! You watch his shimmering tail in awe. The scales are a rainbow of cool toned colors, shimmering in the darkness.
He looks at you, smirking as his tail transforms in less than a second, splitting and reconstructing, scales disappearing and leaving light skin that matches the rest of his body. Your eyes go wide, because well, he’s naked. Then you realize how very naked you are as well.
You scramble backwards, trying to cover yourself as best as you can. Your clothes are back on dry land, where Hoseok is waiting for you. That’s right! Hoseok!
You take a deep breath ready to scream your lungs out, but Yoongi seems to sense your intentions. He clambers towards you quickly, unaccustomed to his legs. The merman hasn’t properly used his legs in years, only for brief instances when he would drop off his victims onto the shoreline to feed his friends.
His large hand covers your mouth, muffling your scream. You managed to bellow out the first syllable of Hoseok’s name and you pray it’s enough. He holds you down, his naked body pressed against yours without any shame, and your face burns as you feel his soft member against your stomach. He reaches for your arms to pin you down and your mouth finds his forearm and you bite down as hard as you can. He yells, yanking you away by the hair, and slaps you across the face in reflex.
You cry under him. Yoongi is shaken by what he just did, what you just did, what you’re doing right now, bawling underneath him like he just violated you.
“I-I don’t have time for this,” he mutters, “I’m taking you back to Jin and Jimin.”
‘Jimin?!’ You stop crying, shocked that the merman knows Jimin. “You...you can’t!”
He yanks you by the leg, ignoring your pleas. “Don’t do this! No!” You reach for anything to stop him from pulling you back into the pool, but the slippery rocks offer no help. Oh! Maybe the rocks can help you after all. You grab a smaller rock in your palm and smash it on the merman's fingers.
It doesn’t make him let go, only causing Yoongi to become even angrier at you, but this time he reigns in his emotions, focusing on his task at hand, yanking you harder, causing your skull to bounce on the rocky floor. You groan, holding the rock in both hands, you rear it over your head and smash it down on his fingers again. It makes him roar, the sound reverberates within the cave, but he doesn’t let go even when his fingers bleed.
You try again, except he moves his fingers too fast for you to rescind your actions and the rock hits your ankle instead, making you scream and fall back. You fall into the pool at his pulls, choking on the water that fills your mouth as you try to scream for help again.
You gasp for breath as you bob in the water. ‘Where did he go?!’ Your arms skim the water’s surface while you look around in every direction for the mysterious merman. And then, as quickly as he left you, he’s back, pushing you into the pool's rocky walls, caging you between rock and his hard muscles.
“Don’t make this difficult, human. I am taking you back to Jimin and Jin, and-” his eyes narrow at you, “What the hell are you doing?”
You're not really paying attention, your arms are trailing down Yoongi’s torso making him involuntary shudder. “If I’m about to die, then I’m going to touch a mermaid tail.”
‘This is the human that escaped two vampires?’ Yoongi thinks. “Touch me and I will rip your arms off your body, human. I will make sure you’re begging to be Jimin’s blood bag after I’m done with you, you’ll wish you never escaped those-”
“Ugh you can breathe underwater, can’t you? Why don’t you just stay there?!” and you place your hands on the merman’s shoulders and put all your weight on him.
Yoongi’s head is dunked underwater and if he could scream obscenities at you, he would, but his mouth is filled with water and his gills breathe instead. His nose grazes the skin of your stomach as your arms push him down lower. He goes stiff, sinking like a rock, frozen because he couldn’t believe a human girl had just dunked him underwater.
He feels your arms lift from his shoulders and watches as you kick your legs away from him. He almost wants to swim deeper into the depths of the pool, forget about the girl who is unwittingly beginning to drive him mad, Yoongi perplexed by your every action. You didn’t act like any of the humans he’s ever dealt with. What is wrong with you?
The waterfall is loud, thundering in the background, but behind it, you start to hear a raucous loud noise that sounds like barking. The howls become louder and closer. You’re about to scream your location when Yoongi wraps his arms around you in a crushing embrace, pulling you under the water again.
No matter how much you kick and wiggle there is no escape. He drags you deeper and deeper, the light of the surface becoming dimmer and dimmer around you. You look up and can barely make the faint outlines of three figures. Your lungs burn, and you struggle not to take a breath.
When you can’t will your body any longer, opening your lips to water, involuntarily taking in non-existent air, Yoongi’s mouth covers yours and you feel air fill your lungs again.
Your eyes try to adjust to the lack of light as you take in the merman’s features, looking into his dark challenging eyes. Your mouth opens wider, pressing into his lips as he stills against you. He pushes one more breath of air into you before he pulls you through the water at a speed you didn’t think was possible.
---
You break the water’s surface gasping and spluttering for breath. The merman is still tightly bound around you, holding your head only slightly above the water. He looks down at you with an unreadable expression as you struggle to take in air without water spilling into your mouth. The sensation reminds you of the night of the storm, but instead of crashing waves stealing your air, you are in stillwater, and the merman wrapped around you is the immovable force of nature instead.
“P-please,” you gasp, bobbing in the water with the merman, “Please let me g-go.”
“Don’t even think about running away or screaming, human,” he whispers lowly. He lets go of you and you go under water, not ready to swim. You push yourself up again, wading in the water, trying to cover your naked chest to the merman, struggling to stay afloat. Yoongi puts his arms around your hips to make it easier for you. You wrap your arms around your chest again now that half your body is above the water. Even if you are looking down at the merman, you feel powerless as he looks up at you with cold eyes and the tiniest hint of a smirk adorning his lips.
You look around. This is a different cave. This one is massive, and it’s filled with light from an open spot at the top. You can see the sun and the tree canopy. High stone walls surround you.
There is no escape.
In the middle of the large pool of water there is a tiny landmass where beautiful flowers and trees stand, as well as a tiny hut. It reminds you of the place Jungkook, Namjoon and Hoseok live, there is even the same kind of fire pit, the small island looked like a place where people spent time together.
“T-take me over there.”
Yoongi's lips curve into an even deeper smirk. “Are you ordering me around, human?”
You hug yourself tighter, “Mermaid, can you please take me over there?”
He scoffs, but begins to move slowly in the water at your request. He meanders closer to the tiny island’s shore. He takes his time, like he is revealing in your discomfort. You take the opportunity to really look at him. He’s beautiful. His torso is littered with tiny cuts, and there is a large scar across his eyebrow. It looks so out of place on his soft skin, you pull an arm away from you and reach to trace it. “...how?” You say your thoughts out loud.
He watches you silently. He holds his tongue, gills on his neck slowly opening and closing in the water. Usually by now, a human would be quivering in fear at him, but the closer you get to him the more you seem to relax. Yoongi realizes you aren’t scared of him. Idiot human. He will have to change that.
He drops you back into the water, now shallow enough for you to stand. But you go under anyways when his fingers wrap around your hair, pulling your head underwater. He curls his fingers into your hair tighter when he lifts your head up. “You want to know how? From humans like you, your fishing spears and nets and propellers. Always taking from the sea, never asking if you should, and destroying my home in the process.”
You struggle in his hold, you can’t blame him for being angry, you just wish he wasn’t taking it out on you. “I’m sorry.” He lets go of your hair at that, shoving you closer to shore and away from him.
You struggle to make it to shore, sitting in knee deep water, curling yourself into a ball to hide your modesty. You want to cry, like you’ve done so many times before, but this time you don’t. Instead, you are burying your head into your arms, steadying your nerves and recounting everything that just happened. You met a mermaid. Said mermaid also captured you. He is also cute but not very friendly, and he also knows Jimin, who is perhaps your mortal enemy.
You hear Yoongi’s fin splash against the shallow water. You turn your head to the sound, and you watch the way his scales sparkle in the sunlight, his wet skin shining just like the sparkling water of the cave. His dark hair and dark eyes clash against his pale complexion. You can’t help but admire his beauty again, and how beautiful his fin looks.
You run your hand against it, the scales feel slippery and smooth. You only manage to feel the smoothness of his fin for half a second before Yoongi clasps his hand around your wrists and flings you away.
You splash in the water. Wincing, you pull yourself into a ball again to hide yourself from him. “Why would you do that?!”
“Did I say you could touch me, human?”
You bite your lip. Your eyes flickering down to his beautiful tail and you resist the urge to reach out again and test your luck.
He rolls over on his stomach and pushes his torso out of the water and your eyes widen as within seconds his fin is splitting apart into two again, scales turning into smooth skin as he stands. He stalks towards you, his large feet hitting the ground and splashing awkwardly. You sit frozen watching him come closer, his legs are muscular and his...his...
You bring your knees closer to your body and look down at the ground as the equally naked man walks past you, his arm wrapping under your elbow and pulling you to your feet. You yelp as he drags you out of the water, your eyes looking anywhere but his bare human form, as you try your best to use your other hand to cover three different points of your body that you don’t want the merman to see.
Everything inside the hut is covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s blaringly evident that no one has been here in months, perhaps years. You look around, there’s knickknacks everywhere, littering every surface available. Instruments on the walls and in corners. Even atop the tiny bed laid a guitar, sheet music, and more dust. Why did he bring you here when it looks like he hasn’t visited the place in years himself?
Fabric hits your head pulling you away from your thoughts. It is a large billowy white shirt that you hastily pull over your body. It doesn't help that your skin is damp against the already thinning fabric. You didn’t feel anymore covered up, but you’ll take what is offered.
You chance a look at him and let out a sigh of relief to see him in baggy trousers. It looks like the top half of your clothes were meant to be worn with his bottom half.
You decide to break the silence. “Why did you bring me here?”
“So you don’t escape before I can bring you to Jimin and Jin.”
Your stomach drops and you deflate at his words. You were hoping he had somehow changed his mind, and that's why he brought you here. “Why are you helping them? Jimin is a monster.”
Yoongi scoffs. “I am a monster.”
You roll your eyes. He is an asshole, but you don’t think he’s a monster. Not like Jimin. Just thinking about the way Jimin looked at you like he wanted to devour you whole makes your skin crawl. You think now is the best time as any to plead your case. “Please don’t take me to Jimin. He’s going to torture and kill me. My blood will be on your hands just as much as his.”
Yoongi runs a hand through his still wet hair, glaring at you. “Am I supposed to care about your life?”
You grind your teeth, crossing your hands over your chest, “Well, I won’t let you take me.”
“There is no way to escape this cave, you’ll die here.”
“I rather die here than go back with him.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes. You're being overdramatic, he thinks. Jin and Jimin were known to keep pets, he assumed that’s how you were in front of him now. Perhaps he could bargain a-
“Don’t touch that, human!” Yoongi hisses at you.
You jump. Your fingers brushed along the strings of an old guitar, your jolt causing an unpleasant twang to ring in the hut.
“Can you please stop calling me that? We get it, I’m not a cool mermaid like you.”
“Merman,” Yoongi grumbles.
“Well, my name is y/n, please call me that instead of human...what’s your name?”
He doesn’t have a name, at least not a name any human could pronounce, but he suddenly thinks back to the nickname his old friends used to call him, “Yoongi.”
Silence engulfs the hut again. “Do you know how to play, Yoongi?” Your eyes scan over the various guitars in the room. There were even a couple electric guitars that you doubt were ever used in a place like this.
“Yes,” Yoongi says softly.
“Well play something at least, looks like you haven’t had an audience in forever.” ‘Even if I am a captive audience.’
Yoongi scoffs, brushing past you and leaving the hut, but not before grabbing his guitar. You don’t know what to do until you hear strumming outside.
---
You listen to Yoongi playing his guitar. You don’t question him or bother him, not even when your stomach growls, hungry for food. He hums along to the chords and it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard, the melody filling your mind and making you calm for the first time since you played under the waterfall. His deep voice is making you relaxed, making you giddy, why were you even upset to begin with?
He plays and sings until moonlight shines through the cave instead. Then Yoongi stands up abruptly. The Melody stops and you suddenly feel cold, unease filling your system again.
“Let’s go. They should be awake now.”
You gape at him. “No! I said I won’t!”
Yoongi sighs. He grabs your wrist, but you won’t go down without fighting. Much to Yoongi’s annoyance, you begin to kick and hit him as he continues to drag you closer to the water.
You know if he gets you there, it’s the end for you. So you do everything you can to avoid it. Screaming at the top of your lungs for Hoseok. You’re not sure why you chose his name above the others, but once you started, you didn’t stop. Yoongi’s hand flies to cover your mouth as you're knocked back.
His body is all muscle, he easily overpowers you, but you don’t give up, wiggling around underneath him, and he’s tempted to control you through other means.
“Stop!” Yoongi warns.
You glare at him behind his palm and the anger in your eyes takes him aback, only for a moment before he is matching your wrath with his own cold threatening stare. He hadn’t had to fight in a long time, or breathe above water, so he inhales and exhales harshly, winded from your resistance. He catches his breath while studying you, “So you know Hoseok?”
He removes his hand from your mouth and you don’t yell, instead whispering at him, “I hate you,” and even though his stomach twists at your words he grunts out a “I don’t care.”
He starts unbuttoning his trousers and you automatically shut your eyes, legs tightening around his torso. Yoongi scoffs, pushing your thigh back down into the sand, “Don’t get the wrong idea, human.” Removing himself from you he throws his pants at you much like he did the shirt, rough and callous.
“Put them on.” You look up at him and your body heats up. You barely pull the pants up your waist when Yoongi grabs your sore ankle, dragging you to the pool.
Not this again! ‘This can’t be happening again.’ you think. You grab onto the ground, nails dragging into the sand and dirt.
Yoongi doesn’t have any more time to waste on you, the human girl who manages to do everything in her power to get under his skin, the human girl who hates him.
---
The feeling of cold air rushing into your burning lungs as you break the surface of the ocean in Yoongi’s arms is not something you’ll think you’ll ever become used to. Much like the feeling of when he pressed his lips against yours, holding you close to him underwater, or the feeling of when he pulled you at inhuman dizzying speeds, stopping almost imperceptibly when you couldn’t hold your breath any longer to hold you close again, bruising your lips with life-sustaining kisses.
You and Yoongi wade in the cold water, the temperature dropping in the sun’s absence. You see the island far in the distance. The water is dark and the waves are strong. You hold onto Yoongi who seems unfazed by the ocean’s currents. He pulls you close by the hem of the trousers you wear, fingers dipping inside as he unbuttons them. You can’t stop him, afraid you’ll sink to the bottom of the ocean if you let go of his shoulders. He does it slowly and teasingly, you wonder if he’s enjoying dressing and undressing you and if he feels your heart escalate every time he touches your body.
“Okay human, go, swim to your freedom,” the merman says mockingly, and he goes under water dragging the pants off your legs, leaving you all alone, half naked, wading in the ocean.
You know he’s messing with you, but you don’t care, taking the slim chance, you swim as hard as you can to the island. By the time you reach the shore you’re exhausted and you understood Yoongi just a little bit more, the merman was surely cunning, letting you tire yourself out without lifting a finger. Yoongi, fin gone again, finds your elbow, gripping you tightly.
“HOSEOK!”
“Jimin! Jin!”
“NAMJOON! JUNGKOOK!”
“JIN!”
You and Yoongi are both yelling, both struggling against each other, acting wildly. You’re both tripping over sand and waves as you try to free yourself from his grasp, both yelling into the sky.
“Ugh! I hate you!” You shove against his chest, pushing him off balance easily, the merman still unaccustomed to his land legs. And Yoongi’s grip on you has you falling forward onto his hard frame. You dig your fingernails into the bite mark you left on him.
Yoongi is reaching his limit. The searing pain of his bruise makes him yell, “I fucking can’t stand you!” He seethes, his hand fisting into your hair, pulling you away, throwing your body into the wet sand. Your body, not used to the cold ocean like Yoongi, is shivering against him. The white fabric clinging to your chest might as well not even be there, because Yoongi’s sharp eyes can see everything, even the goosebumps that speckle your cold body, and the sight of you threatens to unravel him as much as your never ending belligerent attitude.
Intending to make him feel as much pain as he caused you, you continue to fight with him, grabbing at the chains around his neck, yanking harshly on the silver necklaces, the action only pulling Yoongi closer to you.
A low chuckle stops you both, your grip on each other loosening as you both look in the direction of the sound.
Jimin stands above you and Yoongi, face dark and dangerous, scaring you so much you start shaking under the merman. Yoongi pulls himself up and you as well. You immediately hide behind the merman, flustering Yoongi by your actions.
Jimin stares at the pair of you with a tilt to his head, eyes sparkling at the sight of the agitated merman who usually shows no emotion.
“Thank you for bringing her back to me, Yoongi. We had a little trouble finding her, you see. I guess we’re going to have to find a better location for you to drop off my packages next time.”
Yoongi takes a deep breath. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, I think I deserve double payment for this.”
Jimin purses his lips, hands in his pockets as he tenses, and then he looks over at your shivering body. “Of course, you’re right. It’s a deal.”
Your fingers dig into Yoongi's arm, not wanting to be left alone with Jimin, “Please, Yoongi, please. Don’t do this.” You whisper, begging him.
Jimin addresses Yoongi, ignoring your distress. “Why don’t you just use your mind to control her?” It was a genuine question, the vampire wondering why Yoongi hadn’t done so from the beginning. If Jimin had Yoongi’s gift, oh the fun he could have, he thinks.
It’s not like Yoongi hadn’t thought about it so many times while left alone with you. But he couldn’t bring himself to alter your mind, not when you already acted like you weren’t afraid of him. He couldn’t bring himself to dim the anger in your eyes, remove the intensity of your glares that burned his chest every time you looked at him.
“Too much work,” he mutters.
“Seems like this one is already a lot of work,” Jimin steps closer to you and you step back closer to the ocean, dragging Yoongi with you who reluctantly follows.
“Well,” Jimin looks at Yoongi again, rolling his eyes, “Do it.” Yoongi shifts uncomfortably next to you.
“Hurry,” Jimin is losing his patience with the merman. “I would hate to cause her any more distress after the long day she’s had, don’t you agree?” he laughs as tears brim your eyes, and your hands finally let go of Yoongi. You’ve accepted that he isn’t going to help you. You move away slowly, trying to put distance between both men.
Yoongi’s eyes dart between you and Jimin. He usually deals with Jin during these matters. He hasn’t spoken to Jimin in ages. The merman is starting to realize just how much Jimin has changed. He swallows his worries down.
“Come on brother, we’re running out of time,” Jimin’s sweet melodious voice holds the weight of a looming threat, his anger rising and apparent in each word he lets out. He stalks closer to you.
You do the only thing you can think there's left to do, you take the deepest breath you can and let out a piercing scream at the top of your lungs. The men wince back at your actions. Jimin growls and your face stings with the force that his hand comes across your cheek, causing you to fall backward into the sand.
Jimin is on top of you in an instant, you cover your face with your arms before he can hit you again. Jimin eyes roam over your body, the skin he can see through the wet fabric that he can’t wait to bite down on. His hands rip the collar open of your shirt so he can see more of your neck while you cry out for help. Your cries begin to rattle Yoongi.
Yoongi grabs Jimin’s hands, stopping his assault, “Stop, just let me do it,” he mutters, pulling the vampire away from you. Jimin yanks his hand out from Yoongi’s grip, straightening his clothes.
“Well do it now...for her sake.” Jimin hisses.
Yoongi nods. You begin to sob. This is a horrible nightmare. You wish you never ended up on this island, you wish you had drowned instead. Yoongi bends down and grabs your shoulders gently, pulling your hands away from your crying eyes. He looks at you, his eyes trying to convey that you’ll be okay, that he won’t let Jimin hurt you.
Yoongi whispers in your ear, “Relax.”
You immediately go limp against him. He places an arm under your knees and lifts your pliant body to his chest. Jimin stalks closer, arms outstretched to take you, but Yoongi doesn’t let go, walking backward to the ocean.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Jimin says threateningly.
Before Yoongi can speak, howls break through the sounds of crashing waves.
Three large wolves are barreling down the beach, kicking up sand with their large paws. Aware his time is up, Jimin becomes furious.
“GIVE HER TO ME NOW!”
“Leave her alone.”
Jimin looks up to the moonlit sky, momentarily dazed, but he shakes himself out of his stupor. He cackles, “Your words haven’t worked on me for years, brother.”
Jimin’s arm reaches for you, and he yells as sharp teeth tear at his skin. The leader of the wolf pack growls against the vampire's dead skin, biting down to the bone. Jimin hits the large brown wolf, shar