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#namjoon smut
lavienjin · 2 days ago
bothered (teaser) | knj
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PUBLISHING: September 27th
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synopsis: namjoon has tried so hard to bury his attraction for you, especially upon discovering that his youngest brother feels the same way. but you just had to make it difficult by showing up in a dress much too short and tight for your figure as you innocently beg for him to lend his body for practice.
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pairing: architect!namjoon x reader
wc: 472 (for the teaser)
genre/au/rating: 18+ | brother's best friend, love triangle | smut, angst
warnings: none (for the teaser)
author's note: huge thanks to @knjsnoona for the lovely banner. please give amelia some love <33 reply to this post/send an ask if you'd like to be tagged, unless you're already part of my permanent taglist! got some thoughts? i'd love to hear them!
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“I’m going to ask her out.”
Namjoon spits his coffee back into the mug, hissing at his scalded tongue. Pulling a handkerchief from his suit jacket, he dabs the corners of his lips as he glares at the youngest Kim. “What are you talking about?”
At the mention of your name, Namjoon blinks, hands frozen in place while his brother’s words stab like arrows into his speeding heart.
“Next week, for her birthday, I planned this romantic dinner for the both of us in her favourite restaurant. I rented the entire place out and even hired a string quartet to serenade us while we eat.” Taehyung tugs at the ends of his bangs as he grins sheepishly.
“Wow! Taehyung! That’s, um, great! I’m sure she’ll love it.” There’s a disquiet in Namjoon’s stomach and his cheeks hurt from maintaining the plastic smile; his face frozen in place after hearing the revelation. He wants nothing more than to run, especially since the oxygen around him seems too thin, definitely the reason for his hitched breathing, yet his feet remain firmly glued to the carpet flooring of his office. Clearing his throat in hopes that his voice doesn’t break, Namjoon continues, “Uh… I didn’t know you liked her. I could’ve sworn I had to pull you away from her so she wouldn’t bite your pinky off.”
“Oh my god, that was when we were babies.” With a hearty chuckle, Taehyung rolls his eyes before he looks wistfully at the portrait of the three of you hanging on the wall. “Honestly, I also couldn’t believe that we used to hate each other. It took us moving to a different city for college and not knowing each anyone else for us to become friends… And now, I don’t think I can live without her.”
Neither could I. But Namjoon swallows the words alongside a long sip of coffee.
He’s unable to look at Taehyung’s smiling face – at the hope and excitement that resides in the obsidian irises that’s identical to his own.
A small beeping noise breaks the boys from their thoughts and Taehyung glances at his phone with a smile Namjoon knows all too well.
Because it’s the same smile he wears when he receives a text from you.
“Speak of the angel,” he chuckles as he types quickly into his phone. “I gotta go. Looks like my presence is needed elsewhere.”
Taehyung finishes the last of his coffee and places it on the saucer with a loud clink. As he stands and heads to the oak doors leading out of Namjoon’s office, he turns back and waves. “Wish me luck, won’t you?”
And though Namjoon replies with a strained, but cheerful “yeah” just before Taehyung disappears, what he hopes is for his youngest sibling’s plans to crash and burn into a million tiny flames.
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nightowlfandom · a day ago
Rich! Bad Boy!Min Yoongi- Try Me
Just wanna say if you see your name used here, I don’t have beef with you okay? I had a random name generator in another tab and just used the first name I saw.
Once again someone doesn’t want me to be great so....this might be the only post today because I....dunno I can’t post when I’m not in a good mood and its been real shitty.
You were practically glued to his side. His arm was tightly wrapped around your waist as he led you across the room. You had perched your designer sunglasses on top of your head to get a clearer look at your surroundings. Why were you wearing sunglasses at night? Because you could, of course.
Your wore a backless floor length gown in one of his favorite colors. He had insisted you wear your fur coat, but you convinced him to let you leave it in the car. You were on full display, not only for him but for anyone else who thought that they had bought the most gorgeous date for the night. That title was forever and always reserved for Min Yoongi’s girl and tonight only proved it more and more. 
He walked with his held held high as if everyone around him was beneath him. His attired screamed ‘try me, bitch’ From his black suit and tie to crisp white dress shirt and shoes that were worth more than someone’s rent for five months. His hair was slicked back and while he didn’t bother to raise his own pair of shades, everyone could see the glare very evident on his face.
You two were the epitome of a power couple, in the most literal sense and everyone respected that.
“Mr. Min! Welcome!” a nervous and frantic looking man rushed up to you. “This must be your beautiful companion for the night.” he bowed repeatedly. So many times that you lost count. He held his hand out for you to take, but you were left to stare awkwardly. You had no idea what to do in that moment. After a second or two you held your hand out, which he shook a bit too aggressively.
Yoongi calmly used his free hand to raise his sunglasses up. “You gettin’ paid to rip my girl’s arm out its socket?”
“Oh! my apologies Mr. Min!” he instantly let your hand go. “I wasn’t aware.”
“You never are.” he scoffed, allowing his shades sit on the top of his head. “Is our table ready, or did they send you here to waste our time?”
“You’re fashionably early! Your comrades haven’t arrived yet.” the host stammered. “Follow me!” he practically disappeared through the sea of people. 
“What a tool.” you spoke for the first time since you left the car. “I’ve never seen a bigger kiss-ass in my life.”
“Hm, trust me I’ve met worse. He’s just a dick-rider for the men who really own this place.” He leaned down and spoke into your ear. “Those guys will literally shit on someone else’s table if I tell them to.”
“How riveting.” you rolled your eyes playfully as he led you through the crowd. It was easy for people to get out of your way. One look from your boyfriend and they were hugged the nearest wall or throwing themselves against the various tables set up all over the place. “Remind me again why we’re here?”
“Don’t make that face.” He smirked. “I told you, official business.”
“And we couldn’t do that somewhere less...sleazy?” you scoffed at the old man with five different women on his arm. “Yoongi-”
“It’s only for a few hours.” he assured. “Then after that, we can do whatever you want, okay?”
“You said that last time.” you hid the pout forming on your face.
“You have my word.”
“Or so you say.” you slipped out of his grip. “Until you have more trash take out.” you shook your head as you walked ahead. Yoongi watched you from behind as you walked ahead. Of course you didn’t need him by your side to be considered intimidating. He bit his lip at the idea of ripping that dress off your body when you got back to the hotel. Shit, he might not even manage to keep his hands to himself in the car.
Yoongi joined you at the table. “ You feel like Soju tonight?”
“Depends on if you want me to start fighting or not.” you raised an eyebrow at Yoongi.
“Hm, on second thought how about imported beer.”
“This isn’t date night at your place, dear.” you replied jokingly.
“Hm, you’re right. It’s been a while since we’ve splurged. We can do wine tonight!” he chuckled in reply as you both sat down. Just as you both got settled, you were met by a small crowd. Yoongi’s friends, of course. 
“Oi! Watch how you handle my fucking jacket! It’s worth more than your life.” Namjoon snapped at that host.
“My apologies sir!”
“Yoongi, Y/N. Good to see you.” Seokjin shook Yoongi’s hand firmly. “Sorry we’re late.”
“We just arrived ourselves.” you replied, relaxing as Yoongi wrapped his arm around your waist again. “Yoongi insisted.”
“Of course he did.” Jungkook sat down. “I saw the other women glaring at you.” he laughed. “You sure know how to make an entrance.” he raised your hand to his lips for a short kiss to your knuckles.
“Of course she does. She’s the best looking woman here.” he huffed as if it was obvious. The host quietly bought the selection for the night.
“Wine for the lady, the usual for the rest of us.” Yoongi spoke for the table.
“Yes sir!”
Before anyone else could speak, a woman in a red dress and white fur coat strode up. “Yoongi? Is that you?”
“Meredith....fancy seeing you here.” Yoongi looked less than thrilled.
“Very!” she seemed a little too happy to see him. It was funny because you had never seen nor heard of this woman in your life. “So...I tried to call you.”
She was completely oblivious of you sitting right there and you didn’t like it.
“What are you doing here?” Seokjin annoyedly spoke up as his drink was poured. “If you couldn’t tell, we’re all trying to enjoy ourselves.”
“I just wanted to catch up with an old friend!” she put her hands up in defense. Her eyes suddenly landed on you. “Whose this?” she fixed her face in disgust
“Y/N L/N, who the fuck are you?” you raised an eyebrow. Your posture straightened up as she glared at you. You threw your sunglasses on the table, crossing your arms as you perked up.
“Are you Yoongi’s pet or something?” she put a hand on her hip. “ Guess they’ll let anyone in!”
“Pet? Oh Honey...Even if that were true it would still mean I’m sitting here and your standing there looking stupid....”
“Oh yeah. He’s probably waiting for the perfect moment to get rid of you!”
You held up a single hand to up Yoongi to signify that you didn’t want him to speak. He looked livid, however you didn’t see the point in him wasting You slowly stood up. The host held your glass of wine with shaky hands, unsure of what to do.
“Thank you.” you grabbed the glass from him. “Run along now.”
“Yes mam!” the scared host scurried off, obviously not wanting any confrontation. 
“Y/N, what are you doing?” Yoongi asked, watching you with weary eyes. You weren’t confrontational so this was a huge surprise.
“Meredith. That is your name, right?” you smiled sweetly. You took a sip from your glass. “Hm...What a darling coat! I bet it goes with anything.”
“Of course it does! It pairs best with red. I bought it in Paris...” she put a hand on her hip as if she was a model. “As you can see.”
“Too bad beautiful gowns and expensive fur doesn’t make the wearer any less cheap than the next bitch.” you instantly shut down the false sense of security you built for the disrespectful woman. 
“Not done yet....” you cleared your throat before speaking again. “ Whore, Pet, Wife ,Girlfriend, whatever you want to call me, go ahead but best believe my place in Yoongi’s life will always hold rank over you, my dear. You weren’t even important enough for him to tell me about you and we’ve been together for four years going on five as of two months from now.” You put your free hand on your hip. “That’s number one.” you laughed gleefully.
“Damn Yoongi, your girl has guts.” Namjoon whispered.
“That’s my babe.” Yoongi sat back and watched you drag Meredith for filth.
“Number Two! Before you try to feed me shit and call it sugar, make sure you take off the tags on your clothes.” You pointed to the obvious department store tag. “Clearance...nice. I also know fake diamonds when I see them, don’t play yourself.”
Nothing was wrong with fake gems, or clearance items...but pretending you were better than everyone else while lying...that wasn’t gonna go down.
The girl had went completely quiet now.
“Three. Last but not least. Get over this whole convoluted ‘I’m better than you’ ideals you follow because the same people you turn your nose up at are the same people who you rely on on a day to day basis. Shiny hair, expensive clothes, and a posse of fake friends who tell you everything you want to hear does not guarantee happiness. Insulting me because it gives you short lived joy does not guarantee happiness. Pretending you actually have any sense of class when it’s obvious you faked your way to the top of social stardom does not guarantee happiness.” you put your wine glass on the table. “So before I proceed to tell you to go fuck yourself and to stay away from me and my BOYFRIEND...any questions?”
Not even five seconds passed and this woman walked off without another word. You didn’t feel bad, not by a long shot. Respect is something that’s earned any ANYONE who didn’t understand that could get a piece of you.
You sat back down next to Yoongi, grabbing your wine again. “Gentlemen, forgive me for that outburst.”
“Damn babe.” Yoongi wrapped his arm around you again. “That was hot.”
“Good because I’m highly fucking livid right now.” you calmly took a sip of your wine. “Who was that woman?” you turned to glare at Yoongi.
“She was an actress who was paid to portray my wife for a business thing I was forced to do.” he shook his head. “Y/N I promise she means nothing to me. It was before we even met.”
“Good. Let another girl talk crazy to me, I’ll kill you both.” you said with a straight face. “Her for thinking she can talk to me any way she wants, and you for keeping things from me. I will cut you deep, sir.”
“Damn I love you.” he bit his lip. He turned your head towards himself to give you a deep kiss. 
As he had promised, he could barely keep his hands off you in the car. The minute the doors had shut, Yoongi had the hem of your dress bunched up in his fist. His lips feverishly laid open mouth kisses along your exposed neck. 
“Yoongi, we shouldn’t do this here.” you whimpered, even though your actions said the completely opposite.
“Why? No one is gonna stop me. They damn sure won’t say shit about it.” Yoongi stopped for a split second to turn a glare to the limo driver, who was trying very hard not to look in the rear view mirror. “PUT THE FUCKING DIVIDER UP.” he barked.
“Yes sir!!”
Yoongi pushed you down onto the seats, causing you to let out a laugh. The divider was put up and you could hear the sound of fabric ripping.
He had tore a rip up your dress.
“Goodbye $3,000 dress.” you huffed.
“More where that came from.” he laughed, which was quickly replaced with a sadistic smile. “Spread your legs, baby.” he pouted. “Daddy wants to finger you”
“In the
 “When we get back to the hotel, I want you naked on that bed.” he growled. “If not, I’ll fucking rip whatever you have left off.”
... (The Hotel)
He couldn’t even keep his hands to himself in the elevator, any part of you he could get his hands on, he touched. By the time you two had gotten back to the room, you were thrown on the bed. Your dress had hear a huge tear up the leg and the straps were holding up either. Yoongi had discarded every article of clothing except his pants which were hanging low on his hips at this point.
“How do you want me?” he flicked his tongue against his bottom lip, looking you up and down. “I’ll do whatever you want, babe.” He watched as your shy wall was quickly put up and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Baby doesn’t know?”
“Nuh uh.” you hid behind your hands with a shy smile.
“ hands?”
“hm....nuh uh.” you shook your head again.
“ mouth then?” he bit his lips, standing right in front of you. “Where was that fire, honey? Come on.” he grabbed your hands. “Want me to eat that pretty pussy, baby?” He gathered the rest of your dress in his fist. “Come here.”
He began kissing up your bare thighs. You shook your legs, biting your lip. You felt him pull your panties down.
“You were so brave for me, sexy girl. Where’s that fighting spirit? Do you want me to eat this sweet little- hmm.” he dragged his tongue up your slit, laying opened mouthed kisses along your pussy. “You’re brave for the outside world but you still need daddy to take care of you, huh?”
“Mhm!” you nodded desperately.
“Baby you taste so fucking good.” he laughed, lashing his tongue against your hot flesh. “You’re moving so much.” he cackled. “Hmm” he dug his nails into your thighs. “You like it when I eat this pussy?” 
“This is mine.” mumbled against your heat. “This is all mine. Don’t think I’m done with you yet...”
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fantaesize · 2 days ago
Say Your Prayers [KNJ]
Pairing(s): Namjoon X Fem!Reader
Word count: 1.1k
Genre: Smut, pwp
Warning(s): Cunnilingus, degrading names, cuss words, slightest amount of masturbation, begging (m recieving), nipple play
Summary: Namjoon wanted to you to forget the burden and stress your work gave you, and didn't want you to forget your manners with him. So you do as directed.
A/N: namjooniee smutttt👀 this is a part of my 50 Shades of Bangtan masterlist but you can read this part singly if you dont follow that masterlist since the parts are unrelated. i hope you guys enjoy!!💖💗
Running his fingers along the strap of your bra, he kissed the curve of your neck, nuzzling with his nose at your skin, his other hand playing with your boob as your back flushed into his chest.
It had barely been 7 minutes since you made it inside your home after having a romantic dinner night with Namjoon— which, by the way, was planned by him to surprise you, giving you a break from work that has been overwhelming you for the better half of the month now— and he already had his hungry mouth over your skin, covering any part of the flesh that he could see.
Soon enough, the clothes were compelled to find their way to the floor of your bedroom, leaving you in your current state, with his lips on your neck as one of your hands caressed his head and the other found its way to his crotch. The moment he felt your hand around his area, he turned you around, kissing you savagely as teeth fought against each other.
He soon pushed you for you to reach the edge of the bed with the back of your knees, passionate bodies falling on the bed, quickly adjusting into a comfortable position to fuck.
Namjoon was on top of you, one of his arms beside your body as he kissed you, while the other found its way to your wetness-covered panties. On feeling the damp cloth on his fingers, he moaned out loud, causing you to mewl as his deep voice turned you on even more.
Namjoon was vocal, but not too vocal. Instead, he loved you to be more vocal than him because he wants to hear what he does to you— be it in your bedroom or public, the man doesn't care. He loves you and wants to make you feel good all the time, he pretty much owns your body and wants his way to dominate you. All the time.
His hand slowly made its way to the hem of your panty, dragging fingers underside the elastic so as to test your patience. "Joonie, please..." you squirmed under your man as he was barely proceeding, only smirking at the way you were so desperate for him, teasing you.
"Baby, please don't tease me, give me your fing- ahhhh fuck..." you moaned as he finally thrusted his fingers into you, rhythmic motions pleasing you paired with his mouth on your chest, your lips, your boobs, everywhere, as your mind slowly got filled with him and only him.
Soon he started pushing his fingers in and out of your pussy and switching between all sorts of motions that you like— curling of digits that sent you to heaven, scissoring motions that made you see the stars, and when his thumb found your clit along with his fingers' rough motions,
"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum, I- ohhh shitttt Joon..." you came with a groan, drenching his fingers in your wetness as they slowed down to drive your orgasm out of you.
You lied there panting while Namjoon got rid of his boxers, followed by him kissing your entire flesh softly, your body writhing under the featherlight touch of his kisses. You held his head and brought him close to your face as you kissed him, tracing your tongue on his lower lip which caused his mouth to open, you not missing the opportunity to access the cavern.
His dick laying on your mound as hard as a rock had anticipation rising in your body, adrenaline swirling in your stomach. So when he detached from the kiss, looking into your eyes whilst he stroked his cock, you thought that he's soon going to align himself with your entrance and sink inside you.
But you thought wrong.
"Joon, what happened? Are you planning to cum in your hand today?" you joked when he took too much time looking at you and stroking himself.
"You want this dick?"
"Isn't that why you stretched me out with your fingers?"
"Then beg."
And you'll be lying that your pussy didn't do a thing when he said those two dominating words in his baritone voice. The words, the tone, the look in his eyes— dominating and ferocious, and the situation— both of your bodies bare and breathing heavily, and so, so close.
It had been a few weeks since you and Namjoon spent time together like this, spent time together as he fucked you in all unbelievable positions, and you wanted nothing more than his big, fat cock buried inside you to make you forget about your stupid job and why it had been stressing you out. He was your drug, and you wanted to be trippin' high on him. So you wasted no time in doing as told.
"Daddy please give me your big fat cock," your words earned a deep groan from him, you only seeing it as a praise to continue, "your princess needs your dick buried inside her."
"Oh Y/Nie... fuck, do it more," he said as he closed his eyes, throwing his head back as his hands lost contact with his dick.
You didn't fail to notice and took it as your cue to replace his hand with your on his cock, only to have your hand held and thrown away from his throbbing member.
"I don't think you're done with the begging yet," he declared seriously as he completely got up from the position and seated himself on the couch right opposite to it.
Hung on him, you followed almost immediately, kneeling and sitting in front of him like his "Bitch you're so hungry for my cock, aren't you?" he taunted you with a smirk as he saw the eagerness in your eyes.
You moaned out loud, before continuing, "yes daddy, I can never get enough of your holy cock, it's so good to me," your hands finding the way to your throbbing clit as it begged for some relief, all while your other hand ran on the skin on his thighs since the dick was a no-no area right now. "I want this cock so bad daddy, want this dick to fuck me good like it always does. Please daddy, give your cock to me."
He curls his fingers to motion you to climb on top of him, and you wasted no time to have your knees on either side of his thighs, your hands bracing his shoulders for support as his own rested on your ass. He sucked your nipples one at a time, you whimpering on top of him at the sensation.
"Ride me like the whore you are. You've earned it."
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kookieswan · 11 hours ago
Shades of Us - Attention
Poly!Namgi x Reader (f)
Warning: spicy content 💋 (vaginal sex, handjob, pussy eating, talk of ass eating, unprotected sex)
Namjoon sits, casually doing his course work at the desk in his room while Yoongi thrusts his dick into you, completely unhinged. You’re both unbelievably hot having been going at it for a while. It was to tease Joon at first, to let him know how badly you both wanted to be fucked by him. Yoongi had even grabbed the strawberry lube from the side drawer, waving it around in a teasing manner.
It started as a lazy makeout, which quickly tuned into a handjob, which then turned into him licking your pussy until you were ready to scream. All the while, Namjoon had diligently ignored you both until…
“Fuck her Yoon. Make her cum like a good boy and I’ll fuck you both into the bed.” Namjoon doesn’t even turn around, still focused on his book. Cue Yoongi flipping you over, bending you nearly in half, and pushing his cock into your sopping pussy. Now all you can do is take it, sucking on his fingers has he slides them into your mouth. His pace is breakneck, and you don’t even notice Joon turning his chair to watch the both of you after a few minutes.
Yoongis fingers slide from your mouth and down to your clit, which almost instantly tips you ever the edge after waiting to cum for so long. You cry out, nails digging into Yoongis back as he continues his assault on your reddening pussy. You vaguely notice Namjoon stand up, wander over, and stop behind Yoon.
There’s a few loud smacks, Yoongi stuttering his pace slightly before he groans, Namjoon pushing him deeper into you. You moan a little, feeling his cum hit your sensitive walls as he pants into your ear hotly. Namjoon leans over his back momentarily, grabbing the lube that had been thrown haphazardly onto the bed. Squirting a generous amount on his fingers, he smirks down at you.
“I fully intend to keep my promise, but first, I’m gonna eat Yoongi’s cute little ass.”
Yayyyyyyy spicy content ✨✨✨
Masterlist for Shades of Us here!!!
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bluewhale52 · a day ago
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Summary: No one expected the shy little Queen to have enamored the King so completely. What secret does she have?
Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Namjoon reader, Namjoon x Jungkook
Genre: Royalty au, arranged marriage au, fantasy au
Rating: R for this teaser as it has a bit of hanky panky talk. However, the final fic will be explicit.
A/N: Inspired by the fairytale The Princess & The Frog. To be published sometime next week.
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The first few days passed in a blink of an eye. You were introduced to your household staff, to the Court, to the foreign dignitaries, and more people that you could remember. The King was kind and patient, quick to jump in whenever your shyness took over, but he was only with you when his schedule allowed, which was not very often at all. Lord Yoongi, who had been appointed as your Private Secretary, stayed by your side most of the time, always ready to assist you in navigating this new chapter in your life. You were pleased to have him; you liked his quiet demeanour and no-nonsense attitude.
Your nights however, were torturous. You had made the mistake of listening in on the maids gossiping (when you were as quiet as a mouse, you heard the whispers all the more clearly) that the King was spending as much time as possible with his lovers before his impending nuptial.
“Who cares if you could please him? All you have to do is bear him an heir. Or two.” Nari said when you confided in her. You cuddled your rabbit closer. You did not want to be just a vessel.
“All kings have lovers, you know that.” Iseul added, trying to comfort you.
“I know, I’m not that naive. I just… I just don’t want to be so boring that he’d lose interest in me completely!”
Your two friends looked at each other. “You’re asking the wrong people, we’re as clueless as you are.” Iseul admitted.
Nari scoffed. “Said someone who has been flirting with a Lord!”
“I have not! Lord Seokjin smiles at everyone. It’s not my fault if his smile is sweeter for me.”
Nari swatted Iseul, and the two quickly fell into a playful bickering. You caressed your pet rabbit as it nibbled a cookie. It tickled you how the animal had such a sweet tooth, preferring your sweet snacks to carrots.
“What am I going to do, Cookie? How can I please the King?” The rabbit merely twitched its nose in response. You laughed and brought it close to your chest, cuddling it.
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This will be the first fic in my upcoming Fairytale Bangtan Series (happy ending optional).
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guccimins · a day ago
the only way to shut namjoon up sometimes is to sit on his face and even then he'd still be humming and gasping from sheer enthusiasm i will not be convinced otherwise
you're not wrong .
he's always worried about something , worried about doing a good job in the group , about being there for you and the guys . the list of his worries is neverending .
so you push him down and grind on his face and give him something else to think about for a while ~
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lavishedinjimin · 9 months ago
kinky hours masterlist
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— all drabbles are 18+. for adults, by adults, about adults. all are for f.readers!
— do not repost anywhere outside of tumblr. 
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rules before sending a request 
mean daddy jk denies sub!reader of his touch/name-calling/degradation
OC asks for kisses during sex and jk finds it adorable
stressed jk getting pissed off at OC’s attitude/manhandling/ball gag
crybaby™ jk x reader/ jk licking the tears off of OC’s cheeks
criminal!jk x officer!reader/kidnapped/imagine butter era jk’s concept photo vr.2
brat tamer jungkook/punishes reader for being a spoiled brat lol
sub!jungkook is tied up/giving him oral/tracing his arm tats with your tongue
ex-bf jungkook/argument turns into hate sex/reader cheated on namjoon lmao
hand kink/making origamis with daddy!jk/gagging
single dad jk/apologizing that he fucked you too hard/babysitter reader
crybaby™ jk x reader but OC uses her safeword
daddy jk takes care of you after not having sex for weeks
he finds out that you’re a Little/daddy!jk
cumming inside you without protection/creampie kink
eating you out with whipped cream
dom!jk/dirty talk/window sex
reader squirts and jungkook’s “give me more”
atgggth™ jk/eating pussy/whiny reader
jk fucks you while standing
spitting in mouth/overwhelmed reader
dom!jk/bratty reader
crybaby!jk/anal play with sub reader/ddlg 
jungkook finding your moans adorable
softdom!jk/rainy ambience/dirty talk/cuddling 
chubby reader/rough sex/praise
horny jk comes home while you’re cooking
crybaby™ jk/reader wearing cat ears and tail
riding jk’s thigh while spooning
overstimulation/clit torture/squirting
dom!jk pinning you down as he fucks you
daddy jk and his corruption kink
soft jk but reader wants it harder, hmmppp >:(
clit overstim/tied to the bed
hard dom jk/rough sex/jk fucks reader ‘inhumanly fast’...haha
passionate sex/lotus position
jk fucks reader gently and deeply™
ddlg/first time riding dom!jk/praise
blowjob while on the phone/punishment/degradration/jk meanie 
hard dom!jk/humiliation/subspace/big dick jk haha
reader does jk’s makeup as she rides his cock
daddy!jk/small reader/praise kink/size kink/wearing his baggy shirt
daddy!jk is handcuffed to the bed by babygirl  
dom!jk is jealous so he gives you hickeys
slapping/spitting in reader’s mouth/degradation/rough/choking
jk catches reader humping her pillow with his jumper on
punk jk fucks reader on her parents’ bed
crybaby™ jk and his love for eating pussy/spitting/descriptive
thigh riding/degradation/choking/spanking/hair pulling/whatever
overstimulation/reader tells jk to stop but he doesn’t listen
cockwarming/”move and i’ll take my fucking cock out of you”
punishing you in front of the members/degradation
dom jk fucks you mercilessly in front of a mirror/rough
having your first time with dom!jk
jk comes home to reader fucking herself/punishment/size kink/daddy
fucking you roughly while the members are around
dom jk/cocky jungkook energy/slow down by chase atlantic/descriptive
cockwarming :D
punishing you after you came without his permission
reader says she’s ‘too heavy’ but jk proves her wrong/against the wall
jungkook trying his spanking kink out on you
holding your thighs while he eats your cunt
dom!jk manhandles reader/virgin kink
tae walking in on you riding jungkook’s thigh
crybaby™ jk/reader got her nipples pierced/descriptive
testing out his pain kink on you/face slapping/biting/choking
taehyung finding the wet squelching noises cute iykyk 
bad boy™ tae gives you hickeys in public/possessive tae
dom!tae/mutual masturbation/voyeurism
werewolf!tae asking you to run because you disobeyed him
lactation kink/slight mommy kink
pushing your head against a pillow bc you’re too loud
sweet hot tub sex
taehyung uses his ties to play with you
reader cheats on jk while fucking taehyung
mutual masturbation but ends up fucking anyway lol
ddlg taehyung/size kink
bad boy™ taehyung teachers reader how to blow
the start of bad boy™ tae x young reader ;)
movie date with a remote control vibrator/dirty talk
dom!tae/nipple play/hand kink
tae fucks you while you’re asleep/spooning
ddlg/tae is jealous of you spending your time with other guys
cockwarming while he’s gaming
soft dom!tae/praise kink
bratty reader/rough/pissed from all the dating rumors
tae makes you wear a ball gag
taehyung fucks you in a pool
getting heated with tae in the pool
ceo!taehyung/secret relationship/some spanking
fucking you sensually while Singularity plays in the background
tae x reader x namjoon/impreg kink/who can get her pregnant first
tae walking in on you riding jungkook’s thigh
bisexual reader/jimin gets jealous from you fangirling over a female idol
jimin getting on his knees/you’re standing during oral
dom!jimin corruption kink/condescension/jimin and his kendo agenda
jimin edges you with a bluetooth vibrator in public 
making fun of jimin’s small hands until he shuts you up 
cockwarming with jimin while he works out
jimin releasing his pent-up stress on you
sub!jimin x sub! reader x dom!namjoon
softdom!jimin/swallowing his spit/praise kink
poly dom!jimin x dom!yoongi x sub!reader
truth or dare/bts taunting jimin that he can’t make his gf cum
softdom!jimin/cocky/reader says he’s the biggest she’s ever had
softdom!jimin/readers sits on his lap and he bounces her up and down
dom!jimin/use of vibrator/edging/denial/squirting
jimin and his corruption kink/small!reader
jimin makes you sit on his face for being bratty
controlling your vibrating panties at dinner
hard dom!hobi/pissed off that you accidentally said his name instead of ‘daddy’ during sex
hobi getting annoyed that you keep moving during oral
werewolf hoseok in heat/mentions of impreg/slight blood mentions
tattooed hobi x curvy reader/praise kink/loving degradation
daddy hoseok/trying to get his attention while he’s on the phone
softdom!hobi/fucking you in front of the practice room’s mirror
masochistic hobi punishing reader
namjoon discovering your pinterest board full of kinky shit
wolf namjoon x bunny hybrid reader/bunny gets lost in the forest o_o
dom!namjoon uses a spreader bar on you/squirting/degradation
giving joon oral under the desk bc he’s stressed from working
dom!namjoon x sub!reader x dom!yoongi/spitting kink/spanking
daddy namjoon fucks you while you’re both high/marijuana intake
namjoon spits in your mouth/wall fucking
sub!jimin x sub! reader x dom!namjoon
namjoon and creampie... yum
namjoon punishing reader/overstim/degradation
softdom!namjoon/size kink!!
daddy!joon babies reader to be intimate with him 
edging with joonie and his babygirl
sucking him off while he’s on vlive
servant namjoon x princess reader/bending her over the desk
tae x reader x namjoon/impreg kink/who can get her pregnant first
butt play wohoo/no peneration/just thumb on butthole typa’ thing
PUBLIC. BUS. SEX./cockwarming & grinding/slight exhibitionism/honestly this is just so hot
distracted by his hands/fingering you against his piano/hand kink
sitting on yoongi’s face + overstim
pet play/kitten play with yoongi
innocent s/o never masturbated before/virgin reader/size kink
dom!yoongi x sub!reader x dom!namjoon/spitting kink/spanking
breeding kink/pregnancy kink
poly dom!jimin x dom!yoongi x sub!reader
hard dom yoongi
hand kink omfg
dom!yoongi/bondage/using a dildo on you
yoongi shows off his tongue technology/cunnilingus 
reader wears vibrating panties in public
seokjin ruining your orgasm/putting the vibrator inside your panties
yoga with seokjin/ahh yes, the downward dog/cunnilingus
dom!seokjin fucking you in front of a mirror
ball worship!!
lactation kink with seokjin aaahhhh
teasing seokjin until he snaps/big cock seokjin agenda
dry humping/cumming in his pants
daddy seokjin takes care of you after weeks of not having sex
asking jin if he can choke you
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— since 2020.
11K notes · View notes
yoonia · a month ago
once upon an us [m] | knj
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❥ Summary | You have spent years building a life of your own until you find yourself living a life that every little girl could have ever dreamed of. With a promising career and an expensive apartment in the big city, the only thing left is the fairytale wedding that you had wished for since you were a little girl. When the one you believe to be your prince charming finally comes into your life, you start to believe that dreams do come true. But you also know that things aren’t always as simple as it seems, when there is still a piece of your past that is still tethering you back from reaching for it.
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❥ Title | Once Upon an Us
❥ Pairings | Kim Namjoon x female reader
⤑ Genre | Past Lovers!au, Exes to Lovers!au, Established relationship, Angst, Rom-com, Fluff, Smut
⤑ Ratings | +18 / M for Mature
⤑ Warnings | Mentions of miscarriage, grief, characters making bad decisions, fake relationship(-ish) trope, Namjoon as a (former) basketball player, some cliche scenes as part to romcoms (sharing a bed, lots of arguments), technically involves infidelity, sexual tension, lots of kissing, dry humping, outdoor foreplay, public sex, breast play, clothed foreplay, clothed sex, denied orgasm, hair pulling, fingering (female), oral sex (female, including clit play, implied biting), unprotected sex, rough sex, mention of multiple orgasms, implied creampie.
⤑ Word count | 47k words (I am so sorry!!!)
⤑ Cross Post | AO3 | Inkitt 
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❥ Author’s Note | This story is written as a part of the ‘Christmas in July’ project, for the ‘Winter Wedding Season’ category, an event hosted by @kookdiaries, @kithtaehyung, and @xiaokoo. This fic is loosely inspired by the movie Sweet Home Alabama (2002) | Thank you @theodea for reading through this on such a short notice (I love you, bub!) and for my sprint mates and fellow camp nano-ers who kept hyping me up in this journey @softyoongiionly @randombtsprincessa @yeoldontknow 
❥ Song Companion | Sabrina Claudio - Belong To You (feat. 6lack) ● Daughter - Landfill ● ORKID - Only If You Want To ● Jutes - We Good ● Standing Egg - Ironic
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There is always something to be said about little girls and their big dreams.
The way their innocence allows them to conjure imaginations that are beyond any adult mind could comprehend. To have their minds going places without any worries of facing the reality of life, without any barriers or limits to how far their extensive imagination would go as they create all the scenarios involving their whole life—starting with the paths where they want to go in life, the person they imagine they would become, the people they want to meet, and everything that they want to achieve.
For a lot of people who had known you since you were a little girl, this is exactly how they had seen you and has continued to remember you with. A dreamer. The little girl who would paint a big picture inside your head that you would often get stuck in your own world, oftentimes too stubborn to look at the present or the world around you and to simply follow the course that your life was taking you into.
The little girl in you had dreamt of becoming your own princess, just like the ones you have read in the storybooks that your parents used to read you before bed. You dreamt about living in a castle somewhere at the top of the mountains—just like the mountains that you had always seen growing up at home. You dreamt about having all the fancy things that princesses would acquire and being spoiled with the pleasure of the admiration and praises from all the people that you would surround yourself with.
As you grew older, your dreams began to manifest into something more real. When you knew that, in reality, it would be impossible for you to build your own castle, you began to turn your dreams and use them to build a plan of uprooting your life. From the small-town girl that everyone knew into someone who has a lot more, achieving everything through an elaborate plan that you had concocted so perfectly for yourself—to move into the big city, to have your own place, switching from living in the old brick house in your family’s property to affording a fancy apartment which looked similar to those you have seen in the movies, and to have a great career, something that would be enough to allow you to buy your own fancy things the way you couldn’t afford to as a child.
Soon, you would learn that the journey to fulfilling your dreams would not be as easy as how you had pictured it as a child. If there is something for you to learn as an adult, is that there is also always something to be said about life, about its twists and turns, the surprises and the secrets looming in every corner, and how easy it would be for someone like you to get caught drifting in the tide if you are not prepared for it.
It had taken you far and through a tumultuous course of life to be in this moment, to find yourself living in the big city, with a good job and a rising career that had put a roof over your head—specifically the two-bedroom apartment located in the heart of the city which would have costed a living if you hadn’t been lucky enough to have the kind of income that you earn from your fancy job.
Sometimes, it still feels unbelievable to think that you had somewhat managed to bring your dreams into reality, though the years of hard work to make it all happen have managed to keep your foot on the ground, keeping you humble despite everything that you had gone through. The journey started the day you left the small town where you were born and raised, stepping out of your comfort zone to begin your own adventure. It was all followed by the years you spent studying in law school, then building up your career while constantly proving yourself against the people who had once looked down on you along with all the vicious male competitors at work for you to become the person that you are today.
Looking back at your journey and at everything that you had accomplished for the past seven years, to see for yourself just how you had managed to survive all the tides that fate had thrown at you should be able to make you feel happy and content. The life that you had built up to today has gone beyond whatever you had imagined and there is no chance in hell you would ever trade it for anything else.
Not even for a fraction of a memory that you had to sacrifice many years ago.
But sometimes, you still find it hard to savour everything. Not when you still constantly feel like you are missing something, as if there is a piece of you that had been mislaid, lost, perhaps forgotten in the midst of walking down your path to finding your happy ending.
And the void has only been getting stronger because you know that the little girl inside you is still refusing to give up on her fairy tale ending and has always been so demanding that she wants to have it just the way the old storybooks that she had read as a child had been telling them.
In the fairy tales that you had once adored as a child, each of their stories had always ended with the Princesses meeting their Prince Charming, to have them falling in love, and have their union defeat all the bad until there is nothing left but the good. Just like everything else that you have acquired in life, this had also been a part of the dream that you had manifested in your mind as a little girl. To finally end your story by finding someone who could sweep you off of your feet the same way you read them in those storybooks, before riding into the sunset to mark the end of your lone journey and the start of your journey together with the one you love.
There had been many years of waiting, of picturing how it should be when the moment would finally come. But despite all the scenarios that you had planned and played out in your head each time you wondered about it in the past, never once had you imagined that it would be something like this.
You snap out of it when his voice comes to your senses, shaking you out of your wandering thoughts and pulling you back to the present. Back to the man who is still down on the floor, resting on one knee right before you. He is now wearing a nervous smile on his face while his eyes carry a ton of questions, no doubt for having you falling silent instead of jumping up and down in joy after what he had initially asked of you. Your eyes fall on his hands. The same hands that have been holding out a small box with a glowing diamond ring sitting at its center, and you immediately remember what had just happened before time suddenly stopped still for you to send your mind wandering off to the past.
“M-Matthew—” your voice comes out small when you finally manage to speak, though the words still seem to refuse to come out.
“What do you say, babe? Will you marry me?” he asks again, as if you hadn’t heard him the first time, and you can see his gaze flickering, looking vulnerable when you have yet to give him an answer.
A hush comes from around you as the people who have been witnessing this moment unfolding are beginning to whisper. Some talking with curiosity while others seem to be growing more impatient on Matthew’s behalf.
‘She’s still in shock,’ says one voice. ’I think he’s made her speechless,’ says another. You don’t even make any effort to look around to see who is speaking and who is probably sneering at you, still too stunned into silence at the sight of the man before you. You can feel their gazes on you even without looking over, though you try not to let their presence intimidate and haunt you, letting them fade into the background while you focus on steadying your breath.
The words are there on the tip of your tongue, but your racing heartbeat makes it hard for you to find your voice to speak it out loud. Despite the fact that you had known for quite some time that he had been planning for this, having heard him talking and insinuating for this moment to finally happen, you never expected for him to do this here and definitely not right at this moment. Right in the middle of the important office event, everyone has gathered for the night to celebrate his promotion as a partner. He was supposed to be the one who is standing in the limelight, the one who is supposed to become the main part of the event, and he certainly was not supposed to pull you with him under that spotlight which now seems to be pointing straight at you.
But perhaps this is his fairy tale ending too. Something that he had planned to happen right at the same time he finally acquired his goal, putting an end to his lone journey to start a new one with you. As the thought occurs to you, the answer comes to you pretty easily.
“Yes,” you finally give your answer out loud, and your pounding heartbeat intensifies just as your joy begins to take over, coming out in waves, eliminating all the doubts that had been weighing inside your chest. “Yes, Matthew. The answer is yes. I’ll marry you.”
While everyone around you cheers to celebrate, Matthew jumps onto his feet and wraps you in his arms. As someone who always appears so calm and composed whether he is in the courtroom or within the conference meeting rooms, Matthew has never had any hesitation in showing his feelings for you whenever he is in public. And you have grown used to it by now that you simply laugh with him as he envelopes you with his big arms, lifting you up and spinning you around with him, before taking your lips in his in a quick celebratory kiss and then finally letting you go.
Your head is still spinning and your mind still feels slightly fuzzy when he takes your hand and gently slides the beautiful ring onto your finger. Everything seems so surreal that you are almost convinced that you are dreaming, that nothing about this is actually happening. But then Matthew helps you feel everything once again, bringing your senses back alive and your mind back to focus as he pulls you in his arms once more so he can capture your lips, giving you a kiss that is much deeper in his joy.
This is it, you wonder to yourself as you slowly give in, wrapping your arms around his neck as you return his kiss and lean into his embrace.
The happy ending of your own fairy tale. Your Prince Charming.
The feeling of his heart beating against your chest makes his presence more real. To allow you to realise that this is all happening. But the moment he lets you go, giving you a chance to pull away from the kiss and look at his face, the reality of your life and of what had just transpired finally begin to sink in.
The happiness you are feeling now should have you feeling ecstatic, to be able to cheer just as loud as the guests in the office party who had become the witnesses to this wondrous moment and to savour it with a smile on your face which should be just as wide as Matthew’s as he looks at you with wonders in his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispers, keeping his forehead resting on yours as he keeps holding you in his arms, swaying you gently with him as he moves from side to side to enjoy the faint hum of the music playing from the speakers while everyone else returns to the enjoy their drinks.
You look up at him, returning his smile when you whisper, “Love you too,” making his smile grow wider as he savours the words you have given him before he pulls you back against his chest. You enjoy making him smile, and you revel in the joy brewing inside you knowing that you make him happy. And yet you can still feel the sinking feeling that comes to you in the form of the shadow from your past, reminding you of the reason why you are still unable to fall freely into this joy, to savour it the way you are supposed to. And you hate not being able to enjoy this moment when deep down you know that you deserve every bit of the happy ending now being offered to you.
Wrapping your arms around Matthew’s waist, you close your eyes and bask in his warmth. It pains you to know just how happy he is about this moment while you are filled with a dreadful pang of guilt pinching at your chest.
As you let him continue to guide you into a slow dance right in the middle of the dance floor, you begin to silently write a new elaborate plan inside your head, writing another scenario that would allow you to finally embrace the happiness being gifted to you, starting from going back home to face the shadows of your past and the life that you had left behind when you began writing your own story.
Because something is tethering you back into that life still, a secret that would be enough to shatter the life that you have built for yourself, your future, and perhaps any happiness that is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel.
And you know that it is time for you to set everything loose for once and for all. All for the sake of moving on and for you to embrace your new beginning.
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Your flight home had never felt this long before. Not for a trip that was supposed to have been a quick one. It isn’t as if your hometown is somewhere across the globe or even all the way across the country. It just didn’t help that you had been anxious all through the trip that it simply felt as if the plane had been crawling in the air, making it appear as if time simply stood still while you were up there. With your stomach constantly churning, you couldn’t even indulge yourself in the alcohol drinks they were offering on the flight to help you pass the time.
Stepping out of the plane has not done much to ease the anxiety you felt, and yet you simply force yourself to hold it back down and act as if you still have control over everything. You have even chosen to grab a rental car from the airport instead of taking the cab home, hoping that driving the car would help clear your head a little and perhaps force you to focus instead of letting your mind constantly wandering out of control.
Once you start driving away from the airport, you soon find that you were right, after all. The action has your mind focusing that it leaves no space for your anxiety to take over. Though it doesn’t stop other emotions to come through you. Watching the scenery as you drive the car slowly down the road, you relish on the feeling of melancholy that suddenly overwhelms you. And yet, at the same time, you still find it hard to just relax and give in to the moment. But only because everything that you are looking out on as you drive past the town road and its old buildings all seem odd to you, and somewhat foreign.
It had been seven years ago when you left this town for the first time. Leaving behind the heartache, the grief, the physical pain that had been a part of you, a reminder of what you had lost, and you had done it all simply to continue on living.
Up until three years ago, you had been coming home often, either it was to spend the holidays with your family or to simply visit your parents on their birthdays or on the weekends where you would be free with a chance for a long break. But then things changed, when everything fell apart all so suddenly and you no longer had any reason to come back when the last string of hope that you were still holding on to for you to survive was ripped away from you.
It was not too long after when you got the permanent position in the law firm you are working at, and while work had always been so rough and so busy even around the holidays, it had helped give you the escape you had needed to stay away. It might have been unfair for you to use your job as your excuse to keep your distance, and for you to use it as a reason not to come home as often as you had wanted, but it was a small sacrifice to what you had wanted to gain. Ever since then the only way you could ever celebrate Christmas with your family had only been done through video calls instead of being there in person. Though your heart kept telling you that it wasn’t enough, you simply had to make do, and your parents had no other choice but to understand and to let it continue on for a while.
Being here now, looking out the window to watch the town as you drive right by, you can feel a nagging feeling inside you that tells you how much you no longer belong in this place. Especially now, when you are about to embark a new journey that doesn’t involve any part of your past.
Thinking about the recent events happening in your life, specifically on the one that is about to change the entire course of your life, only brings your mind back to Matthew.
You have always been a terrible liar, and the guilt of lying to Matthew about this abrupt homecoming is still clawing at you in the chest. Rubbing your palm against the source of the painful pinch you are feeling, you recall the day when you had to tell him about coming home to see your parents in order to send them the news of your engagement.
And that you would need to do it without him.
Having only started dating each other for 8 months, Matthew had never gotten a chance to get to know the side of you that you had left behind. He had only known you as the woman who would always come early every morning and the last one to leave the office at night. And then last year, after facing a case that had gotten you stuck with him in the office on the night before Christmas, it had been the side of you that you had painted for everyone around you to see—the hardworking city girl with no baggage or secrets, and perhaps not even a personal life—that had managed to catch his attention first. He had never known you as the small-town girl who had once think highly of the holiday tradition that you had with your family, who would stay up all night to set up all the Christmas decorations to light up the whole house when you weren’t stuck in the kitchen helping your mother with her Christmas meal or when you weren’t helping your brother wrap up all the gifts until blisters would start growing on the tip of your fingers from working with all the glues and tapes.
So the moment you got a strong reaction from Matthew about you seeing your parents without him and that you would be staying with them for the holidays, you had been ready for it. Though it had needed a lot of convincing on your part still to make sure that he wouldn’t insist on tagging along and ruining your whole plan.
“How long will you be gone?” he asked you the morning he was driving you off to the airport, once he was open to the idea of letting you travel home on your own.
“Just one week, only until the day after Christmas, then I’ll come back as soon as I can so I can spend New Year’s Eve with you. I promise,” you had answered him then, appeasing him by giving him what he had wanted to hear while silently repeating it inside your head as a promise to yourself, setting up a time limit as you set out to clear out the final hurdle getting in the way of your new beginning with your fiancé.
It wouldn’t be easy. Even as you were thinking about doing this and way before you even decided to fly all the way here to make this happen, you had known that this would not be an easy task. But it needs to be done, and it needs to happen soon, and the last thing you would ever let yourself do is to get swayed away from your goal the moment you take action, just like it had happened before.
But you cannot afford for it to happen again. Not now, not ever, and especially not after all sacrifices that you had made the day you left this town for good three years ago.
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Not too many changes had been done to the house that you grew up in since the last time you were home.
The wallpapers and the floorboards had been changed, and you also know that your Dad had done some renovating over the years that you were mostly gone, but he kept a lot of part from the old house to make it look all the same. You can still breathe in the faint scent of stale paint and glue and must from old wood lingering in the air, though everything feels muted when they are mixed with the scent of fresh paint and freshly cut wood that still remains after the past renovations.
All the mixed fragrances are soon masked away with a set of new ones, as the delectable aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the meat dish cooking in the oven continue wafting in the air as your mother makes her way back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room to set up dinner. Your mother had made it obvious that your arrival had been a surprising one, when she screamed at the top of her lungs the moment she opened the front door to see you standing there on the other side. Especially since you had no chance to let her know about your sudden visit, an afterthought that had only occurred to you the moment you were knocking on the door. But she was quick to recover from her shock, replacing it with excitement and had instantly taken action in preparing a large dinner to welcome you even if your Dad and your brother have yet to arrive home.
“How was your flight? Did they serve you one of those snack boxes like the one I got when I came home from seeing you last time? Unless you got on the first class flight. They still serve you a full course meal for those expensive tickets they’re selling, don’t they?” Your mother keeps throwing random questions as she is busy preparing the meal, while she keeps insisting that you simply remain in your seat instead of helping her with her tasks. You only respond to her questions with one short answer at a time while trying to sneak in some lending hand whenever she isn’t looking—from checking on the oven’s heat to stirring the pot of meatball sauce while she has her hands full with the other.
“Have you gone to see anyone yet since you landed? Have you heard from Missy? Did you hear that she’s pregnant with her third child? Third!” your mother keeps rambling on, waving her spatula at you while speaking louder with her voice rising with each sentence. You have no idea whether she is completely hyped over the fact that your childhood best friend is having another little one on the way or if she is just happy to have you home this year after your long absence in the house. Even better, that you had arrived a lot earlier and with almost a week to spare before Christmas would arrive.
Her joy is somehow contagious that you cannot help but laugh just as she accidentally splatters some sauce anywhere but the pot where the fresh sauce is boiling.
“Mom, slow down. You’re tossing that tomato sauce all over the kitchen,” you tell her while pointing at her spatula and the sauce dripping from it before she tosses it back to the pot where her special meatball dish is currently cooking. “And no, I haven’t gone to see anyone yet. I drove straight here and avoided going through downtown—”
To avoid having people seeing me around before I can at least prepare myself to deal with them and all their questions, you silently add.
“I haven’t even called Missy yet. Maybe I will in the morning or I can go the her family’s diner a bit later to pay a visit.”
Your mother shakes her head. “You must be exhausted. Look at those bags under your eyes, and have you been eating properly?” she keeps asking you while pinching at your cheeks. “You always work so hard and I know that you’d be skipping meals if I don’t call you everyday to remind you of it.”
“I’m fine, Mom. It’s probably just the jet-lag,” you simply answer her before she would go ranting about the way you have been living in the big city. She had always been giving you the same lecture after she had caught you red-handed tossing away a week worth of takeout boxes out of your apartment when she made a sudden visit to see you. Then, as if your body agrees with you, you suddenly feel your shoulders dropping and you find yourself yawning.
“Oh, look at you,” your mother comments right as she sees it. “There will be no more of you going around town tonight. We’re going to sit down for dinner and then you’re going to go upstairs to sleep it off.”
You open your mouth to protest, only to have your mother shaking her head and pushing you away from the frying pan that you have been fiddling with. “Now, go sit back down! Don’t you dare think that I haven’t noticed what you’ve been doing. Now, shoo!”
You laugh softly as you let her kick you out of the kitchen while muttering, “Yes, mother.”
Not long after, your mother sits with you at the dining table as she tries to feed you every single meal on the table while asking about how your life has been. Your father is still out at work, giving the two of you a chance to catch up more freely and for you to gently bring up the real reason why you had returned home without the intense way your father would be reading through your lies if he had been home already.
You had tossed the engagement ring into your purse when you first arrived, keeping it hidden from your mother’s eyes. Despite the fact that you have only had it on for a few weeks, you still feel like there is something missing as you raise your left hand up. You can barely ignore the indentation on your ring finger that you keep rubbing your thumb over it, brushing against the odd feeling of void that the ring had left behind.
All through dinner, your mother keeps you updated on the rumour mills, letting you know about how the neighbourhood has been changing and everything there is to know about the people in town. You listen halfheartedly, responding with the usual murmurs of yes and no or ask her more about what she is telling you, even if you are slowly feeling the weight of your news looming, pushing you to the edge to make you want to just spill everything in the open.
You look at your mother and see that she seems to be holding back too. Not in the way she is talking about the town, however, but from asking you the questions that you can see lingering in her eyes each time she gives you her quick glances.
Once you are done with the first course of the meatball dish and your mother stands up from her seat to give you a second offering, you can no longer take it anymore.
“I’m going to see him,” you finally tell your mother, still feeling a bit tense about admitting it, though you feel good for finally voicing it out.
Your mother only looks at you for a moment before releasing a deep sigh and returning to her seat. “So that’s why you came home, huh? I was wondering if there’s something more going on,” she says, sounding a bit regretful as a sad smile comes to her face. “I thought that might be the case, but I kept telling myself—” she stops only to shake her head. “It’s been so many years.”
“That’s the point. It’s been years too long,” you answer your mother with a solemn nod. “I need to settle the things going on between us for good.”
Your mother purses her lips together. “Can’t you guys just talk about it like decent adults first? You know, maybe you can find a middle ground and work on—”
At her question, and whatever it is that she has going on in her thoughts, you can only sigh and shake your head. “I tried, Mom. Things wouldn’t have turned out this way if not for him suddenly turning away from me before actually giving a chance for us to talk about it like two adults,” you tell her, explaining to her for the umpteenth time already, just like how you would always do every year when this topic comes up.
“Why now? After all these years, why have you suddenly decided that you want to see him in person now?”
You open your mouth to answer but find yourself unable to speak. How are you supposed to explain the fact that you had somehow agreed to marry someone that your parents don’t really know anything about? And while this hurdle had been getting in your way for too long already, it wasn’t until the moment you put on Matthew’s ring and have the images of your future flashing in your eyes when you realise that you can no longer let it hold you back from moving on.
You know that no matter how well you can find a way to explain it, neither one of your parents is going to be happy to know what is going on or to understand the reason why you are taking an action after years of being silent.
“I can’t tell you why just yet, I just—” you begin to speak, shaking your head again before looking at her. “It’s time, Mom. Don’t you think?”
Your mother looks completely somber when she nods. There is a voice in the back of your mind that is telling you that perhaps your mother knows that something is up. But you refuse to admit it, hoping that she simply thinks of this as a way for you to make things right.
“You’re right. I think you really should talk to him,” she says to you, finally, keeping her voice soft as she speaks before pointing a finger at you as she adds, “And I mean really talk to him properly without screaming at each other.”
Her comment reminds you back to three years ago, when you were much younger and you still had lack control of your emotions that you had allowed the townspeople to witness it when you were fighting with him in public. It was catastrophic, and there is no doubt that people still remembers that day, perhaps even better than what your memory had served you. Chuckling sheepishly to yourself, you raise your hand up and look at your mother with a sly grin. “You know I can’t promise you anything yet, but I’ll do my best to reign down my anger.”
“As you both should,” she says, only to stop briefly and glance over to the empty seat where your father would usually sit during dinner. Except for tonight, as he was stuck dealing with a little problem at work. “And, um—I need you to do me a favour,” your mother speaks to you softly, almost to whisper before turning to look at you. “Don’t let your Dad know what you might decide to do about all of this until it’s time, you hear me?”
For a moment there, you are left speechless, wondering if your mother had found out about what is truly going on. But looking at her doesn’t give you an answer, not when she isn’t giving you much of it when she keeps her face blank, only filled with the firm look in her eyes as she waits for you to agree with her.
“I won’t tell him anything until I’ve handled things.”
Your answer seems to please her, enough to bring back her smile. Your mother pats gently on your left hand, showing her gratitude without so much of a word before she leaves her seat to finally get you that second serving of her homemade meatball dish. As she leaves, your eyes find your hand, focusing on the empty ring finger that suddenly feels heavy with an invisible weight, carried by the secret that you simply cannot wait to let go of.
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“How does it feel to be back home?”
Listening to Matthew’s voice on the phone makes you want to close your eyes and exhale a deep sigh. In fact, that is just what you do as you lean against the side of your rented city car, basking in the rumbles of Matthew’s deep voice that you have started to miss a lot despite the fact that you had just spent time with him last weekend.
“It feels—good, and odd at the same time,” you answer him with a chuckle, opening your eyes to look around you and take in the sight of the beautiful town where you grew up in.
There is a whole lot of truth in your words when you talk about being home. Being here feels good. Everything about it feels right—the fresh air, the clean roads and sidewalks, the artsy walls and the old buildings, the familiar scents, and all the places that remind you of your childhood and all the years you spent causing trouble and trying to find yourself through your teen years.
But it is certainly different here compared to the big city. In the city, you are nearly invisible. Surrounded by all the people who only care about their own personal businesses, on living it through the day and following the quick pace of the city life that you have become a part of for the past nearly seven years. Everything here appears in brighter colours, slightly muted compared to the colours you see in the city, where everything seems more vibrant and bold and awfully loud. Everyone here moves at a slower pace, as if they are savouring every second of their day as they go about it town, finishing their personal businesses without so much of a rush, sometimes even stopping just to have a chat with anyone they come across. It has been a sight that is completely unlike what you have grown used to seeing back in the city, where people would rush to get from one spot to another as soon as they can without even bother paying attention to the people they come across as they continue to live and move along to follow the constant ripple pulsing within the city
You almost forgot that you had once been a part of this town.
And you have just been reminded that everyone in this town knows each other.
There is no doubt that the news of your arrival may have already reached him. There is nothing you can do to escape it when you came across Ruth, the gossip girl of the town, when you dropped by at the bank in town this morning. Not to mention the fact that your uncle may have gone to see him early morning when you know that they are still doing their morning runs together. Funny how life changes over the years and yet some things just remain the same.
Everything—and everyone—in this town seems to remain completely the same.
And that is when you start questioning just where do you fit in all of this. Or if you still fit here at all.
“Baby? Is everything okay?” you hear Matthew’s voice from the phone still pressed to your ear, snapping you from your wandering thoughts, and only then do you realise that he has been saying stuff on the phone which you have obviously missed.
“Yes,” you quickly answer him while chastising yourself for it. “I’m sorry, I got distracted. You were saying?”
Matthew lets out a soft chuckle through the phone, as if he already knows your antics, and that he had grown used to noticing you spacing out so randomly when you are not focusing completely the way you would when you are working. “I was saying how sorry I am that I can’t be there. You know, it would’ve been better if I had joined you to meet your family if you’re going to let them know about our engagement, don’t you think? I should’ve been there with you to do it. I have to meet them at some point, right?”
“Right,” you answer him with a small voice while you feel your breath getting caught in your throat. You had gone through all of this before, having him question why he isn’t here with you and you had always tried to explain the best you could about why you have to do this alone. With him constantly bringing it up on each phone call, you are not completely sure just how much longer you can keep going with this ruse and how soon the truth will come out.
You are thankful for the fact that he is unable to see you this way, but you still try your best to recover and answer him lightly, “But you know, you also have that family thing this Christmas and the gala. I feel like I have to do this on my own—”
Because your Dad’s heart might not be able to survive it if you had brought a man into your parents’ home and your Mom would blow a torch once she drops her gaze on Matthew.
And then there’s the gossip.
Oh, what would people say if you had come home with Matthew instead of coming here alone? Once again, the weight of the engagement ring that you have kept inside your purse feels heavy. This time, it feels heavier than the tightness in your chest that you have to press your free hand harder against the side of your purse as if the tiny little thing is pulsing from within and everyone in town might be able to sense its presence from a mile away.
“—because you know, I already told you that my parents might be a bit old-fashioned about this, yet I feel like I need to send the news to them lightly.”
“Yeah, I get it. I mean, I don’t think I can escape this charity gala even if I’d wanted to,” he says, and you feel even more guilty for lying when you can hear the smile in his voice.
Not lying, omitting the truth, as you have told yourself time and time again.
“But—” he adds, “At least you’re going to be back here for New Year’s Eve, right? My parents have been going on and on about the family dinner and the gathering. Don’t worry, I kept my promise not to tell them about the engagement until then, but they still ask about you a lot, wondering if you’re going to be here.”
“I’ll be there,” you quickly answer him, just when you hear the sound of a door opening. “Listen, Matthew honey. I have to go. Can I call you back later tonight?”
“Of course,” he says. “I have to stop by at the office briefly before heading to the gym and then I’m off to see my Dad for lunch right after my workout. You take care over there, alright? I love you.”
“Me too.”
Ending the call, you toss the phone into your purse and push yourself away from the car. You begin to walk carefully on the gravel-covered pathway heading to the old building in front of you—the old place that you had once remembered as the old wooden barn turned into the town’s farmers’ tavern which, at some point, had come near of being torn down.
The place had once called the Spinning Horse Pub, where you would see drunken old men hanging out there at night after spending all day doing labour work, tossing glasses and passing around the local beer while singing old folksongs completely out of tune and with all the wrong lyrics, the sight which ended up leaving kids scarred and slightly traumatised at the sight of adulthood.
Today, the place is called the Moonlit Bar, standing pristine with a mix of brick walls and polished wooden floors, stained glass windows, and blues music humming faintly from inside just as the front door swings open.
After years of not seeing him in person, you had thought that you would have a problem finding him. But it had turned out that he had been keeping contact with your parents, especially your Dad—in extension of him spending his free time with your uncle—and you had found out just where to ambush him without creating so much of a hassle or to attract the attention that you obviously have no time or energy to deal with.
Your heels sink between the gravels as you continue to walk closer towards the bar. The sounds of men talking are heard as you grow closer, followed by a series of laughter coming with the voice that you have known for a long time. Even before you can see him, as the talking men are still concealed behind the truck that is parked right in front of the bar, your heartbeat has already started picking up, pounding rapidly the closer you are to get to him. And with each pound of your heartbeat, you can feel the ominous throb coming from the ring inside your purse, further intensifying all the tension you currently have running through your body.
And then, finally, you are there, right where you need to be after walking around the parked truck to be able to have a clear view of the bar’s own front door, only to stumble right the moment you find him.
Standing on the front porch, looking all gloriously in his presence is Kim Namjoon, the man and the devil himself, whose wide smile that he shared with his friend falls for a brief moment at the sight of you coming over to him before his lips curl up to a sly grin.
Namjoon waves at his friend who knows not to stay and is already hopping away to his parked car in the lot before he turns to you. “Well, look at what the cat dragged in,” he says, leaning back against a column on the front porch with his arms crossed as he takes you in. His eyes are glowing with mirth, though you can sense him holding something back, using his haughtiness against you to hold it back in.
You stop on your tracks, staying just a few steps away from the porch’s stairs as you cross your own arms. “I thought you were allergic to cats.”
Namjoon shrugs. “Still am,” he says, dragging his words while he drags his gaze, looking at you from the top of your head and down to your fancy heels. His intense gaze makes you feel self-conscious, while your skin begins to flush not only for the way he is looking at you, but also at the sight of him.
With the years that had gone by, you have never expected to see him changing this much. He has always been so tall, but the last time you had seen him, he was still his lanky old self, completely careless to the way he looked or how he presented himself.
Today, he is standing there with his flannel shirt, the short sleeves folded up all the way to his shoulders, exposing his strong arms, muscles grown from the years that he had no doubt been spending working out and out on runs, all flexed tightly for your eyes to see as he keeps his arms crossed defiantly over his chest. And then there is his chest, looking all buff and strong, unlike the way he used to be back then, when he had looked way smaller compared to your massive built uncle who had insisted to have him join his exercises and workouts, when he appeared frail that it made you worry a lot whenever he had to deal with his carpentry and especially when he had taken the job at his father’s construction business.
All of a sudden, you feel the urge to clench your hands, only because a flash of memory comes into your head. You still remember how it felt to run your hands down his skin, how he would shudder under your touch when you pressed your palms on his chest. And then your mind wanders yet again, only to imagine what it would feel like if you would run your palms down to his chest today, to trace his tight muscles, to feel the heat of his skin, and—
“So what are you doing here, stranger? Did you get lost? Forgot your way back to the big city?” he begins questioning you, snapping you right out of your trance. You look up to see his eyes, noticing the way they are glinting with amusement, as if he had caught on to you ogling at him.
“No, actually. I’m here looking for you,” you respond to him while averting your gaze, shaking your head to shake off the blunder that has suddenly gotten into you and get your mind out of the gutter.
“Oh, really?” he asks, sounding intrigued. “Mind if I ask why?”
Again, your heartbeat picks up, and you swallow deeply to stop yourself from throwing up out of nerves. Pressing your lips together, you reach into your purse to pull out a brown envelope that contains the papers that you had prepared prior to coming here. Taking it in your hand, you take a few steps closer to him and hand it out for him to grab.
“I’m here for this,” you tell him, keeping your voice calm and steady as you continue, “I want you to sign the divorce papers. And I’m going to need you to do it now.”
His eyes fall on the envelope that you are handing out to him, a flicker of his surprise and his emotions that you cannot really read from him appear in his gaze for a brief moment before they disappear, replaced by a look of astonishment that comes together with his smile.
“No,” is all that he says to you.
“What?” you simply gasp out your reaction while your courage simply shatters into pieces.
“I said no. I’m not signing that.”
Rage comes boiling in your blood and you lower your hand roughly that the envelope brushes against your thigh with a loud slap. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not signing.”
“Why? What’s the point?” you try to protest. Stopping only to take a deep breath to calm yourself down before levelling your voice, keeping it down when you continue to speak, “Namjoon, we’ve been separated for a long time. We never even talked nor have we seen each other since I left town, much less living like a normal pair of husband and wife. Do you really want us to get stuck in this—this, whatever this is, until we both grow old, despising one another while we’re rotting to death?”
Namjoon’s gaze turns hard as he lowers his arms. “I’m not signing because I can’t.”
“What the hell does that even mean?” you hiss at him, though it doesn’t seem that getting emotional is doing much to help you in this matter.
Namjoon exhales a deep sigh and looks around him. He keeps his eyes looking far away and over your shoulder, staring at the shadows that aren’t exactly present when he speaks, “Why don’t you come inside so we can talk properly without worrying about people listening in? I know that I owe you at least a drink or two.” His eyes find you again before he gives you a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, the same eyes that are still giving you a hard gaze. “What do you say, city girl? Or are you too fancy now to try out the local brews?”
You keep staring at him with disbelief as he turns around and makes his way back into the tavern without waiting for your response. Deep down, you know that he is right. It would be better to be talking about this inside, away from any prying eyes and curious ears listening in. God knows what the rumour mill is already spreading about the connection between your return and your visit to Namjoon’s bar while you are standing out here for everyone to see. And you are also curious to hear about what he is about to tell you. After taking a quick look around you, you slip the envelope back into your purse and dust off your skirt from the invisible dust before stepping up onto the porch.
Namjoon is still standing by the entrance, waiting for you to follow as he holds the door open for you. His smile doesn’t seem at all welcoming when you look at him, but feels more like a taunt. Despite knowing that you would be caught in a place where he holds all control, you don’t stop yourself from going around him and walk through the door. “Let’s get this over with,” you tell him as you walk past, only to have him responding to you with a deep chuckle as you sense him following you in.
“Oh, Sweet Cheeks, you have no idea. I haven’t even started yet.”
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Stepping into his bar feels like stepping into a completely different world from what you had outside.
Even in the daytime, the bar had been kept slightly dark, with only a few probe lights illuminating the room from the corners of the seating area, some lights are spread around the bar, and some of the brightest are set around the empty stage in the center of the room, highlighting the music instruments placed there to be ready for use. You can feel Namjoon’s warmth as he follows close, right until the moment you come to a halt at the center of the room and he walks around you to make his way towards the bar counter.
He says nothing as he looks over his shoulder to meet your gaze, but the look in his eyes is enough to have you following him towards the bar. You can see that a few patrons are present as you walk across the room, and neither of them are looking your way. Some of them are enjoying their meal, while some are simply there to chat with each other while enjoying their beer and the light music playing from the old jukebox across the room. The silly device looks awfully too bright against the darker room around it, catching your attention so easily. Judging from the looks of it and how old it seems, you wonder just how that thing is still running.
Namjoon stops at a seating booth nearby the bar counter, quite hidden from the rest of the place. Simply perfect to finally have the talk. He watches you coming closer and gives you his sweet and charming smile that you have grown used to know, added with a pinch of his smugness, then motions for you to take the seat right across from him.
“You seem to be doing well. And I have to admit that this place looks nice,” you say to him after a beat of silence. You find it almost awkward to be sitting here with him and not saying anything. But you have found a long time ago that both you and Namjoon had always managed to find comfort in your silence.
Except that part of your life had ended a long time ago, and you barely know the man who is sitting right in front of you today.
Namjoon’s lips curl up to a smile, and you can tell that he is pleased to hear your compliment and he takes a lot of pride in bringing this place together. You can obviously see it when he leans back, taking a good look at the place with a look of wonder in his eyes. And you cannot help but admit that you share the same pride inside you for seeing how far he had gone since you left.
“How did you find me?” he suddenly asks you before his eyes find you again.
You keep your eyes on him for a moment, studying the look he is giving you only to give up when you find nothing. Giving him a shrug, you answer him with a small smile. “Small town. Everyone talks. Just ask the right question to the right people and they all come pointing their fingers to help me find you.”
Namjoon grins. “Your uncle told you about this place, didn’t he? Did he specifically told you that you can find me here today?”
A chuckle escapes you as you nod. “He came to the house to barge into our dinner last night the moment he heard from Dad that I was home. Couldn’t stop talking about you and how you managed to pick this place back up and keeping it from falling to the ground. Said you re-built everything with your own two hands.”
Namjoon simply gives you nothing but silence instead of confirming what your uncle had told you last night. And he did more than just to let you know where you can find and perhaps corner Namjoon into talking to you.
You had thought that your uncle may have been exaggerating things when he talked about Namjoon and about all the things that the man had done for the town ever since you left. But seeing this place now and how he carries himself around the bar and around you is beginning to make you wonder just how much things have truly changed since then. There is a glint in his eyes that is hard for you to decipher, though it makes you feel like he is able to look through you without so much of saying a word. You open your mouth to speak again, to strike a conversation, to say anything, just to keep the ball rolling and to start getting straight to the point where he would provide some answers, only to be interrupted by a waitress who comes sidling to the side of the booth.
You turn to the girl, expecting her to ask for your orders just so you can quickly send her away, only to realise that she doesn’t even have her eyes on you. The waitress simply stands there with her hips popped to the side, keeping one arm pressed around the underside of her boobs to practically push the girls up and making them look bigger as the peak of the mound come peeking from over her low cut shirt and her other hand is nowhere close to holding her notes. To you, she appears to be a bit—ditzy, as she tries to gain Namjoon’s attention, but her presence amuses you too much to make a comment out of it.
“What are you having, Joonie?” she asks with a voice slightly whining to make herself sound cute for your dear husband, and yet Namjoon pays her no attention, giving her not even a glance as he keeps his eyes on you.
Amused at this development, you lean back in your seat and cross your arms over your chest to taunt him. “Yes, what are we having, Joonie?”
Namjoon’s lips twitch for a brief moment, as if he is holding back a smile. Yet he keeps his eyes locked on your face when he finally answers, “I’ll have the beer from the tap, and tell Bernie to make my wife here a glass of Manhattan.”
You glance over as the poor waitress stiffens. Her eyes grow wide as she glances back and forth between you and her employer before she stutters, “Y-your wife?”
Leaning forward, you address the girl with a sly grin. “You heard the man. And yes, I’m his dear old wife. Please make sure that Bernie makes mine a little sweet, will you?” you ask her, making her look even more flustered before nodding. “Thank you, darling,” you call out to her with a teasing wink right as she starts scrambling off towards the bar where Bernie—your father’s old fishing mate who is also Namjoon’s second cousin—is tending the bar.
The sound of Namjoon’s deep chuckle pulls your attention back to him. You remember how that sound used to make your stomach twist with butterflies fluttering inside you, and you hate to admit that it is still giving you the same effect, albeit a bit muted due to the fact that everything between you had turned into shambles. You simply doubt that you can escape from feeling all the pain coming back to you again each time you think of the past, so you suppress the sensation happening inside your belly, ignoring it the best you can as you begin to push him into talking.
“Why won’t you sign the divorce papers, Namjoon? I’ve been sending them to you so we can get things over with without us having to go through the court and all the unnecessary legal battles you know waiting for us. All you had to do was sign them. I thought you wanted this? Why do you keep sending them back to me?”
Namjoon says nothing, but keeps his eyes looking down on the table while he rubs his hand over his rugged face. The moment his gaze finds yours again, it looks terribly guarded, as if there is a wall standing between you and he has chosen to hide behind it.
“Don’t you want to move on, maybe get lucky with little miss sweet thing right there?” you ask him with a tilt of your head aimed at the waitress who still seems a bit frazzled as she talks rapidly with another girl. The disbelief on their faces seems almost comical, though it brings an odd feeling into your chest to know that there are girls like them, other women, that he could pick from. Women who seem to adore him the way that waitress does.
While you are suddenly left wondering about this, the question that you have given him finally draws a reaction from him, even if it only comes in the form of a scoff. His eyes soften for a brief moment when he holds back another smile, before they both disappear the moment he notices you watching, soon to be replaced with a faked mirth when he shrugs. “She’s not my type. Frankly, I’m not that big into dating when I legally still have a wife. Even if she’s busy trying to conquer the world, leaving me in this town to rescue old buildings from falling into the ground.”
This time, you are the one giving him a scoff. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been with anyone else since we separated.”
Namjoon doesn’t answer you right away, but falls silent instead. Leaning forward, he crosses his arms and rests them on the table as he levels his gaze on you. His eyes are intense, piercing through you just enough to make you shudder, that you nearly miss it when he answers you with, “I haven’t.”
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“When Daisy told me that Namjoon’s wife is here, I just had to come and deliver these drinks myself.”
Bernie’s large figure fills the space around you just by standing at the side of the booth. He drops the large-sized tankard filled with beer with a loud thump on the table for Namjoon while he sets down your martini cocktail gently for you. Seeing him there and listening to his boastful laugh makes your heart feel warn that you cannot resist sliding out of the booth to wrap your arms around him.
“Bernie, it’s good to see you,” you hum softly as you embrace the man who had become more like a second father to you at some point in your life.
“You look awfully good for a city girl,” Bernie says after patting gently on your back and releasing you. He crosses his arms over his chest, his gaze looking up and down as he takes you in. You have no idea what he sees in you, but you can see pride coming out of his gaze. “Heard from your uncle this morning that you’re home. Didn’t expect to see you hanging around this side of town, much less to visit here. The drink’s on the house, my treat to welcome you home,” he says, nodding at your untouched glass while Namjoon gives him a light scoff. The big guy turns to your soon-to-be ex-husband and raises his eyebrows. “What? You can just cut it off my pay.”
“There’s no need, big guy. He already said he’s paying for this,” you say to him before Namjoon can say a thing.
Bernie raises his brows once more. “Really, now? Then the second glass will be my treat,” he says, before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulls you in to whisper, “Just don’t tell your Dad I gave you more than a glass.”
His sly comment makes you laugh. “You know I’ve passed being twenty-one a long time ago, Bernie. Dad should know that I can handle my drinks just fine.”
“Oh, but you’ll always be your Dad’s baby girl even if you’ve made it big in the city. You know that, don’t ya?” Bernie says with a shake of his head, and then he follows your eyes as you take a good look around, noticing some of the areas that you had failed to pay attention to when you first came in. “See what he did to the place, Pumpkin? Joon here did all of this by himself—with a lot of our help, of course. Said he did it all for—”
“Bernie,” Namjoon quickly cuts him off before Bernie can say anything else. The bartender looks over with a questioning gaze while Namjoon simply stays calm. “You got some customers coming.”
You raise a questioning brow at him, wondering just what Bernie may have been trying to tell you before he was cut off. But Namjoon tilts his chin up towards the bar’s entrance and both you and Bernie turn to look. Sure enough, a group of young men walk past the front door just then, almost too conveniently, letting Bernie know that it is time for him to get back on the job. The big man looks over his shoulder to you and shrugs.
“Right. Well, I’ll catch up with you a little later, Pumpkin,” he says as he playfully messes with your hair before turning back to the bar.
“Take care, big Bernie,” you call out to him then return to your seat, facing Namjoon once again. You avert your eyes when you find him still watching you, taking your time as you taste the drink that had been made for you with a few small sips while letting it run down your throat to calm your nerves.
“So, where were we?” you ask him while leaning back in your seat.
Namjoon remains calm when he answers, “The papers.”
You nod. “And you were telling me why you’re still not signing.”
Once again, Namjoon gives you nothing but silence. He takes a few big gulps from his drink, making you wait until he sets the glass down and leans forward. “Why do you want to get out of this marriage so bad?” he finally asks you, looking awfully curious as he studies your face. Neither of you says a thing until the glint of mirth in his eyes dims down and his smile falls, bringing a painful pinch into your chest upon seeing his reaction. And the pinch brings even more pain when he mutters softly, “You’ve found someone.”
You frown at your hands, unable to look at him. “I’m just trying to move on, Joon.”
Namjoon nods with a blank expression on his face. “And I already told you that I can’t sign it.”
You raise your head and frown at him. “And why is that, exactly?”
Suddenly, his face turns a little sour, though you can see a flash of sadness coming across his face. “Winny.”
Your breath gets caught in your throat while you can feel your heart plummeting down your stomach at the mention of her name. Winny, Namjoon’s grandmother and—legally still—your grandmother-in-law. Though Winny is not exactly her real name, the name that toddler Namjoon had officially given her when he couldn’t specifically call her as ’grandma’ nor that he could pronounce her name properly at such a young age. The name had stuck with your grandmother-in-law ever since, and she had always let both you and Namjoon continue using the name to address her while growing up together, and it had even lasted until you both have grown into adults.
“Did you know that Winny got a heart attack early this year?” Namjoon asks you, and you are beginning to see just where this is all going.
Nodding your head, you take your glass in your hand, taking one swipe of a drink before you can talk about it. “Your Mom called to tell me about it when it just happened. I called your grandmother after she woke up from it and we talked through the phone for a long time,” you begin to tell him, sighing deeply as you recall about the phone conversation that you had with her at the time. A frown comes to you when you recall how the conversation went, how she reacted to your voice, and sympathy comes when you remember everything that she said to you then, “She seemed confused, asking me why I’m not back for the term break yet and if I’ll be home for the holidays. She kept talking as if I hadn’t finished law school or even had the job in the firm yet, and it sounded like she believed that we’re still together.”
Namjoon studies your face for a moment. “And yet you still didn’t question it, nor did you correct her to remind her that we are no longer happily married, or that you had graduated from school years ago.”
Slowly, you only shake your head. “I had to play along cause I didn’t want to upset her.”
Namjoon takes another drink. You can see the sadness in his eyes returning to him full force and it has you doing everything you can to hold back from reaching out to him and hold his hands to give him some comfort. Ever since he was a little boy, Namjoon had always been close to Winny. His grandmother had always been strict to all of her grandchildren, but the woman had treated him a bit special back when he was growing up while at the same time, treated him as if he was her own child, giving him advices that had eventually helped guide Namjoon up to a point where he started making his own mess. That was how the two of them formed a bond with each other when Namjoon was entering adulthood. A tight bond that had always been so strong that you know it would have been hard for Namjoon to deal with her illness.
“She called me this morning, said she heard that you came back home. I’m not sure how she found out, but she was asking a lot of questions about you. She specifically wanted to know why I haven’t taken you to see her yet and if there’s any specific food she should cook for you to welcome you back. Though she might be asking my Mom for help on that,” Namjoon says with a low chuckle, shaking his head. “That was how I found out that you were back in town.”
Hearing this, you can only sigh. You hate to think of the strong-willed woman having trouble with her memories and dealing with her regular days. “What did you say to her?”
Namjoon only shrugs. “I just told her that you might still be exhausted from the trip, and that you would call her once you have gotten some time settling in. You know, all of that. Even if I had no idea how to make that happen. Just like Bernie said, neither of us really expected you’d be coming here on your own.”
You look down on your hands, wondering how things seem to suddenly be on your way. It seems like fate is trying to test you. Just like how it did years ago when you were younger, when you were too hot-headed to play along and had ended up leaving.
Namjoon leans in, whispering softly just so you can be the only one to hear it when he says, “She’s still confused, ______. Her memory is still stuck in the past after that heart attack.”
“I realised that much when I talked to her. I was hoping that it would gradually get better in time. I guess that was a bit too much to hope for,” you answer him, nodding your head solemnly. Deep down, you really do feel sad for her. Winny had always been larger than life, easy and fun to be with, and had always been the wise voice that you listened to when you were still together with Namjoon. The situation makes you feel bad about it. And yet, it doesn’t stop you from wondering, “What does signing the divorce papers have to do with Winny’s condition?”
Namjoon pinches his lips together and clenches his jaw for a moment. “The old Winny before the heart attack had known that we were separated. And though she kept trying to get us to reconcile, she was starting to accept the fact that we may never get back together,” he says, lowering his voice as he speaks, even if there is no one getting close enough to listen in. “Present-day Winny still thinks that you are returning next year after finishing law school and that we are still going to run her old office once my dad and uncle retire.”
Sighing, you murmur softly to yourself when you finally understand, “She still thinks that we’re together and still happily married.”
Namjoon’s jaw tightens when he nods his head. “That’s not the only problem,” he whispers, sounding nearly like a groan when he is speaking while letting out an exasperated sigh. “Do you remember our deal, when we first got into this marriage?”
Your mind instantly flies back to the past. To the moment when you had just graduated from high school, when you were both had been so young and lost after making one of the biggest mistakes of your lives and receiving a blessing that had come at the worst period of time, and how both your family and Namjoon’s had cornered you both to the point that you had almost agreed to Namjoon’s suggestion of running away and eloping just to escape their wrath. That had been a messy time of your lives until Winny swooped in, playing devil’s advocate as she tried to diffuse the situation in her own way before all hell would break loose.
Then you are reminded of the one crucial part of the entire ordeal that had changed everything.
The trust fund.
The account that Winny had set up for your small growing family, all to ease the tension running through both families upon finding out their high school graduates kids were expecting a baby instead of college acceptance letters, and to reassure both you and Namjoon that you would be taken care of no matter what your fathers had tried to punish you both with. It was the part of the deal that had you agreeing to legally marry each other before the baby would come along and to have it occurring right in front of your entire family and about a half part of the town attending the ceremony as witnesses.
How you had forgotten about all of this is beyond you. It feels like such a long time ago, a distant memory of your past that had somehow gotten buried almost completely in the back of your mind. And yet, you can feel the same dread and grief that you haven’t felt for a long time rolling through you at the thought of it.
“After we lost our—” Namjoon’s voice breaks before he could say it out loud, and he clears his throat before he can continue. “She still kept the trust fund, telling my Dad that she would one day hand everything to both of us if we ever get back together.”
Your eyes grow wide upon hearing this. Though you have always known what Winny had been planning to do, you had never thought that she would actually keep her words. And that she would have waited for this long to keep the account running despite seeing no other possibilities that you and Namjoon would come back together.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Namjoon looks at you with a mix of hope and depletion in his eyes, before he finally gets to the point. “I have—some plans. Big plans. And I won’t lie to you, I’m going to need that money. I thought that perhaps I could just borrow it so I can have things running and then I would return them once everything pulls through. Just as long as she doesn’t go and donate the funds someplace else first. That’s what she said to us, by the way. That she’d rather hand the money to someone else that would actually care about it than let it sit in her account with nowhere to go because we’re too stubborn to—you know.”
Surprised to hear this new development, on what sounds more like a threat that—you do have to admit—does sound like something Winny would say, you cannot help but laugh. “Would she really do something like that?”
Namjoon’s lips curl to a small smile. “She may have implied a few times—almost at least twice each year—that she would do it one day. That was before she got sick,” he says with a sigh, and you can only shake your head in wonder.
“So how are we supposed to do this? How are the legal work and the papers play a role in this?”
Namjoon ponders about it for a moment before speaking with a low voice, “I’ll sign the papers, if you really want me to, but I’m going to need your help first. My parents have been talking about having a family retreat, rent a cottage up in the mountains for a quiet Christmas family outing so Winny can get the break she needs. Initially, it would have been just us, the immediate family. But Winny already knows that you’re in town and she sounded terribly excited to see you and to spend time with you while you’re here, so I figured that this might be a good chance.”
And too much of a coincidence, you wonder to yourself. But you say nothing. Because Namjoon has no way to arrange all of this just when you are coming back just to sever the ties. Once again, you curse at fate, hating the way you are forced to play its game yet again.
“Come with me, join us, stay a bit longer in town, just until after we’ve shown Winny that we’re doing okay. You know that she adores you so much, so maybe having you with her would help her get better,” Namjoon continues, sounding almost pleading when he shares his ideas. “Unfortunately, playing a role and acting like a regular married couple in front of her won’t be enough. We need to make sure that we’re still legally married while we’re doing all of that act together, just in case she goes out of her way and checks everything out.”
Chuckling softly, you cannot help but smile. “Knowing Winny, I suppose that we do have to prepare for something like that to happen. As long as she finds a way, she’d be digging everything out to expose us for deceiving her,” you murmur softly as you think of Winny and her antics.
Namjoon laughs. “Don’t forget that she has her own lawyers. Might not be as big as you guys in the big city, but these people would do anything that Winny asks them to. I don’t think my Dad or uncle would be able to do anything to cover it up once the divorce is legalised before I can get my hands on the money.”
Laughing at this, you know that he is absolutely right. Your mind flies back to another period of time in the past where Winny had gone and send out her lawyers to handle the mess that her grandchildren had created all over town. Once, she had even sent out the same lawyers to investigate the tenant of a new apartment building where Namjoon’s sister lived, accusing them of trying to con the poor girl by setting up some shady deals when she was trying to extend her rent for another year.
Winny had always been protective of her family, and she had always managed to find a way, no matter how extensive, to make sure everyone is safe.
“How important is it to you to pull this through? How badly do you want—no, need it, that you have to go this far?”
Namjoon smiles at your question. “You tell me. You are the one who has always had big dreams to chase,” he says, and you can sense a sudden change in his voice. Something that sounds wistful, while at the same time, a bit envious, even. But then his expression turns a bit solemn. “But I also want to see Winny get better. We’ve tried everything. We’ve turned to different doctors, hospitals, specialists, and we even got her through a bunch of therapies that did no good but left her feeling tired all the time that we had to stop everything before things would go from bad to worse. You are pretty much our only hope at this point.”
And mine.
Those were the words that he didn’t say out loud, but you can see it in his eyes. The desperate need to make sure that things will go in his way. It makes you curious to know what he has planned, perhaps something to do with his project on restoring old places and bringing this town back up—just like what your uncle said about something that Namjoon seems to want.
There is a mix of different feelings running inside you after listening to him speak. Starting with a punch in the gut when he mentioned your ‘dreams’, feeling like he was taunting you about it. Then there is the same pinch of sympathy and dread when you think about the woman that you had looked up to for a long time having such a hard time. Suddenly, you just want to be there for her, to help her and her family for one last time before you would walk away from all of this for good, just like the way she had been helping you through one of the toughest times of your life then.
And perhaps, in the process, you can help Namjoon too. For old time sake.
“Fine, I’ll stay for the charade. I’ll help you, as long as you promise to sign the divorce papers before I leave town,” you say this to Namjoon, keeping your eyes looking straight into his. “But I’ll only stay until after the family retreat, and not a day longer.”
The expression Namjoon is giving you is still unreadable, and you are starting to hate just how you are unable to read through him when you used to know him better than you knew yourself. But there is also something in his eyes that you manage to catch on to before it fades. A feeling of relief, as if you had just given him hope, no matter how small it is compared to what he truly needs. Though he is quick to mask it all away, hiding his emotions much better than you ever could have when he nods and answers you with,
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Coming home from meeting Namjoon has left you feeling more lost than resolved.
You had known that it wouldn’t be easy to get through to him and you had gone to see him without so much of a hope to return with the result that you had wanted on your first try. You had known all along that Namjoon may have something up his sleeve because you have been sending the divorce papers repeatedly for the past year only to have him sending them back to you.
You had drafted the divorce papers ever since the day you realised that there was no way you were going to get back together when neither of you even bothered to make any effort of communicating with each other during the time you were apart. Not the same way you and Namjoon did it when you had simply gone away to law school. And after what had happened three years ago, you had thought that everything had officially ended.
You had always wondered why Namjoon had been so adamant in keeping this marriage together when there had been nothing left to fight for. But seeing him today and listening to his side of the story had given you a new perspective on the matter.
Had Winny always been a part of it?
You have had a lot of theories on why Namjoon would deny you the divorce when he had made it seem like he wanted nothing to do with you, not after the big fight you had that had sent you packing up and leave. But it had never crossed your mind that perhaps he had simply done it to be able to claim the trust fund from Winny.
But would that have been the case at all?
And if it was, then why does it make you feel—disappointed to hear it, when you had never even considered about the possibilities that he may still have some hopes to turn things around. No, you are not going there, you shake your head and scold yourself for even letting your mind stray to a place that you had not let yourself venture into for a long time. A place in your mind that you had pushed so far back by living your life away from the memories—burying all thoughts of your past by working the long hours, taking in the big cases that had left you too exhausted to think at the end of the day to remember him at all, making new acquaintances that had no knowledge of your past back home.
Starting a new relationship.
You had never intended to seek a new chance in a relationship with another man, nor have you ever expected to have Matthew, the junior associate that had only joined the law firm last year to somehow show any interest in you as soon as you met him and to have him pursuit you so publicly until you finally agreed to start going out with him. You had thought it would only turn out to be a fling or that he would have given up on you as soon as he recognised the walls you had put around you to guard your heart. But he had always been so insistent, and never once had he wavered no matter how much you tried to push him away.
And you certainly had never expected that he would ask you to marry him this soon, or ever, before you had any chance to deal with your past.
The sounds of laughter filling the room completely snaps you out of it, taking you back to your family who has gathered in the dining room for what would be the second family dinner where everyone is present. And it is not even Christmas night yet.
Sitting at the end of the table is your Dad, who is telling jokes from his workplace with the help of his brother, your uncle who had taken the seat on the other end. Your mother sits right across from you, forcing your brother to sit separately from his wife as he takes the seat right next to your Mom while your sister in law chooses to sit by your side.
Looking at your family together, you feel warmth surging inside your chest. Your arrival at home had become some kind of a momentous affair and everyone, who had rarely come to join your parents for dinner, had agreed to come just to spend time with you while you are home. For the past few nights since your return, the house has already felt a bit more festive, and it already feels like Christmas even if you still have a few more days to go.
Being here with them and seeing them gathering like this makes you realise that your departure from the town may have caused more heartaches than you had thought. That you might have not only broken off your marriage with Namjoon when you left, but had somehow created a complete mess in the family dynamics when you broke their hearts by leaving them as well.
You try to join the conversation as much as you can to ease the guilt, but your mind keeps going back to the conversation that you had with Namjoon today, replaying every word in your head until you can almost hear his voice all over again.
“You’ve found someone.”
You recall how he had said those words, the odd look on his face and the low tone of voice that he had when he spoke. Had it been hurt that you saw in his eyes?
You had no idea whether or not to believe him when he said that he had never been with anyone else even after you had parted ways. It suddenly seemed unfair to think about it, though you don’t really have the interest to worry about him the way you used to. Not anymore.
You had spent too many years doing so in the past and look at where it got you. The small voice in your head is always there to remind you of the heartache that you had carried with you when you left town back then each time you begin to dwell too far into the past.
Focus on the future, you hear the same voice whispering to you once again, and your thumb easily slides to find the empty ring finger to brush against the indentation left by your engagement ring.
A regretful sigh escapes you when you think about the gorgeous diamond ring, of how you have kept it hidden in your purse still, never once putting it on ever since you had gotten here. You had been wearing it with pride since the day of the proposal, and yet, just thinking about the ring alone simply gives you a sense of shame as you sit there in the middle of your family with your secrets hidden too deep for them to see it.
You know that you would eventually have to reveal to your family and have them know that you had gotten engaged to someone else. You know that you cannot possibly hide it any longer, but there is no way your parents would take the news lightly, not while you are still legally married to Namjoon. Not until once the divorce is finalised and the ties between you and Namjoon would officially be severed through a simple exchange of signatures. Not while your parents are still following their old, conservative ways, and the news certainly would not make it easy to share with the kind of past that you have.
After all, it was only seven years ago when you came to your parents, straight out of high school, admitting to them that you had gotten pregnant because both you and Namjoon had been irresponsible and reckless about it. Not to mention the occasional events where you had gotten caught doing the naughties while you were both still dating each other all through high school to basically give your parents some clue of just how careless you had been then.
Thinking about it now, you suddenly cringe at the memory of your father coming home early from work to find you riding Namjoon’s lap on the wooden bench that he had built for your mother on the back porch.
It had happened during your senior year of high school, about a year after you began dating Namjoon and only weeks after losing your virginity to him. The night had ended with your father giving Namjoon ’the talk’ while keeping hold of him in the living room while your mother kept you in the dining room to have a long conversation about the birds and the bees. Not that it had done any good at the end.
Knowing what they had perceived you with your wanton ways as a teenage girl, there is no doubt where their mind would venture into had they known you have been having a relationship with another man. And they are not the only ones whose thoughts on it matter to you, you soon realise.
“I haven’t.”
You remember Namjoon admitting to you when you had thought that he might have been finding other women to spend his time with after you were gone. An admission that had made you feel relieved and yet guilty at the same time of what he might have been thinking when you implied to him about finding someone new. That he might imagine you sleeping with another man while you still hold the title of being his wife—even if they had only been nothing but in written papers.
There is no way for you to let him know the truth. That even when you let yourself open your heart to allow Matthew in, even if you had allowed yourself to feel love again, never once had you gone so far with Matthew to even sleep on the same bed with him, much less to make love to him. Not when the ties you still had with Namjoon had always held you back, stopping you from getting too far. Not when you would feel guilty and would think of yourself like a traitor to even receive something so simple like a kiss.
“I haven’t.”
His words continue to echo inside your head, while you silently admit the painful truth that you couldn’t give him then.
Neither have I.
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Three years ago…
You had once thought that you have had everything figured out. By the time you were in senior high school, you had everything planned out perfectly, all the possible ways that you could go through to achieve your goals written down from start to finish—starting from how you were going to leave town, then to study in a good university that could later bring you to places and lead you closer towards your dream. You had envisioned yourself to be someone who was more, someone who could go far and do bigger things in life, instead of being stuck in this small town for the rest of your life just like all the others.
Namjoon had always been in the picture since way before you had even started painting all these visions in your head.
When you were little, Namjoon had been the only one who was willing to listen to you rambling about your dreams, the only one who wouldn’t look at you funny over your obsession with your princess stories and on finding your own fairy tale ending. It had always been easy to share these things with Namjoon simply because he also had his own big dreams to share.
Just like you, Namjoon had always wanted to leave town, to venture out to new places, and he had found his own way to reach it as he joined the basketball team at school and had been playing while keeping his eyes on the sports scholarship as his ticket for his upcoming adventure. Together, you had written out all the details, planned out all the steps, and you had both been nothing but confident in achieving them as long as you had each other.
It took you rewriting your entire life story and the scenarios that you had envisioned since you were a young girl to finally understand that life could never be that simple.
No matter what your parents had called it, you would have never looked at it as a mistake. Having an unplanned pregnancy when you were still too young had been completely terrifying, a surprise that had come uninvited but had always been welcomed, and you still managed to adjust with all the changes, rewriting all the plans to fit the baby into your lives.
All of a sudden, you had no choice but to forget about all the universities you had been applying to and to set your mind in preparing for the baby, in learning and practising on how to become good parents, and building your small family with Namjoon. Your life suddenly expanded so rapidly that you had to shrink down your dreams. You had ended up having more reasons to stay in town, where you would have more people helping you, your families standing by your sides to guide you all the way through. The magical wedding you had envisioned many years ago became something more simple, more intimate, all to save up enough money to buy cribs, to afford to buy the small cabin near the lake where you could have your privacy and enough space for the nursery, and to save up enough funds for you to apply for the community college so you could still earn your degree.
Once again, you were all set up for another adventure, and Namjoon was always there with you to share the journey. It was the two of you against the world as you anticipated for your little one to come, until once again, fate played a twisted game by sending you to another turning point where you had to walk through a different course in life.
An entire ordeal sent your world tilting off its axis, sending you to a new, empty path where there was no more baby, no more chance of having the small beautiful family that you had envisioned, and the only thing that was left had been your dreams, coloured with the sorrow of your loss and the crumbling hope of ever getting a little break.
The loss and grief had been so great, but you used those emotions to continue on moving, ignoring the pity look everyone was giving you as you carried on with your classes and exams and pushed yourself until you could figure out how to be able to get out of the town that had become even more suffocating with the memory of what you had lost. Slowly, you began rewriting a new story of your own, using the last bit of hope you had left to find your new happy ending.
The only thing you had never expected was to find yourself going down this new path on your own, while Namjoon remained stuck in the moment of grief.
You had somehow managed to excel through community college and was heading out to law school when you made a deal with Namjoon that he would soon join you. He had let go of the scholarship that he had gotten through basketball when he had his mind set on staying behind to build a family with you before giving up on basketball and chasing his dream entirely. But you gave him all the time and space he needed, choosing to wait instead of pushing him to run. You had gone to the big city on your own to attend law school, feeling confident enough to survive the temporary long-distance relationship until he would be ready to join you. Even if you were the one who had to make the effort of keeping the relationship last—from being the one to come to visit the town and spend time with him to set everything up for your future together for the day he would be ready for it.
It wasn’t until during the final visit that you made right before you were graduating from law school when you realised that Namjoon had never made an effort to move on and had completely given up—on everything.
“Is it so wrong to want more?”
That was the question that you had asked him then, when he had fought against every effort that you had put through to be able to continue on living and to push him into getting back on his feet so he could give his own dreams another chance.
“Is it so wrong for me to continue on living? For me to want you to live instead of—” you were too emotional to even form any word and had been waving your arms around instead, pointing at the messy bedroom in the cabin where he had been holed up in while you were away. “This has been going on for too long, Joon. You can’t put your life on hold like this, not this long.”
You had hoped that you could get through him somehow, change his mindset so he could try again and do it together with you. But the more you spoke, it kept getting clearer that nothing you said could get through to him. You might as well had been talking to a brick wall with the way he kept being obstinate, too stubborn for his own good, and it was getting too tiring to even try. But you had to, if not for his sake, then for the sake of saving your marriage. Even if you could feel the last sliver of hope you had was slowly chipping away the more you spoke to him.
“What’s the point? I won’t get drafted anywhere by now. That chance has been lost for me.” His eyes were hard as he said this, and it was obvious that he had made his own mind about it. A flash of depletion came flashing out of his eyes when he finally returned your gaze after he kept avoiding your eyes the entire time, before the hardness returned and you saw nothing but lost hope. “Perhaps it’s just not meant to be,” he muttered, and it was both disheartening, enough to make you feel hurt inside, while at the same time it made your blood start boiling with your devastation.
“So what? You’re just going to hole up here for the rest of your life doing nothing?” you scoffed at him, finally snapping at him. “Haven’t you thought about how it could possibly be your second chance? That maybe it’s a sign for you to try again?”
When all he could give you was silence, the only thing you could do was shake your head, still refusing to accept this. “All I’m asking you is for you to try. With me. We can do this together.”
Namjoon clenched his jaw for a moment. “What if it’s not something that I want?” he said then. “I don’t have big dreams like you do.”
The painful pinch inside your chest almost made it impossible for you to speak. “You used to have dreams.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, but look at where it got me. Look at where it got us. You wouldn’t have gotten a miscarriage if it wasn’t for—” His voice was strangled with emotions that he simply stopped, the clench of his jaw tightened as he tried to hold back from saying anything more, from talking about him—the baby boy that had once hold your entire world while he was still living inside your womb.
For some reason, you had expected this. The loss had been too great for both of you and you were both had been too young to deal with the grief. It had taken a lot for you to finally be able to move on, to leave the town where you had buried your unborn child. You could see the grief in his eyes, appearing just as strongly as how you had felt it. You understood fully well the pain that he felt. Hell, you were the one who carried the child for almost nine months before he suddenly stopped moving inside your belly.
No more brain activity, they said, reassuring you that the exhaustion that you had from splitting your days between classes, working on your part-time job, and supporting Namjoon in his games had nothing to do with it. But it was harder to convince Namjoon about it when his guilt had been planted too deep in his mind, when he still blamed himself for letting you join him on his away game and getting you sick days before it happened.
“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just happened!” you nearly screamed as you tried to make him see this, but then you took a deep breath and decided to try a different angle. “Look, I’ve gotten things figured out. I’m graduating in a few months and I’ve applied for a job at a law firm so that I can—”
“Good for you, then. I’ve always known that you would make it,” he cut you off before you could even begin to lay out your plans, everything that you had envisioned for when he would finally join you in the city. Namjoon had a smile on his face when he said this, and something in your head was telling you that nothing about it was right.
“I want you to be there with me. I’ve been waiting for the moment that you would finally come with me so we can make it together,” you said to him with a small voice while Namjoon only kept shaking his head.
“I can’t join you.”
You began moving your head from side to side. You hated the thought of giving him an ultimatum, but you knew that you could no longer put your life on hold for him. “I can’t wait for you until you change your mind on your own.”
The way Namjoon was looking at you made your heart stop, before you could feel a crack building when he said, “Then we’re at an impasse.”
“I suppose we are,” was the only thing you could say to him, though you could barely get the words out when your throat was caught, both with pain and anger. “I’ve spent days, weeks, worrying about you, planning and preparing for everything so you can join me—”
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
Your heart was pounding so hard at this point that you could barely hear your own voice. “What do you mean?” you asked him, your voice almost strangled with the pain hurting you from within. You could almost hear it when your heart was starting to break apart, but you needed to be sure. “Are you saying—”
His eyes softened when he looked at you, even if you could see the hardness in them when he gave you a smile, giving you a false sense of sincerity when he said. “I’m saying that it’s not worth it. I’ll always love you, _____. But I don’t think this is going to work anymore. It’s obvious that we’re both walking in two different paths now. We’ll end up hurting each other if we continue doing this, you know that.”
You were too lost for words to speak, too broken to respond to him. Tears began to form in your eyes, but you refused to cry right in front of him. Breathing in deeply, you swallow all the pain down, letting your rage take its place.
“Fuck you, Namjoon. You’re right. It’s not worth it. I’m sorry I even wasted my time with you.”
That was the last thing you ever said to him before turning away, not giving him another glance when you walked away from him, leaving him and the town behind for good as you silently accepted the fact that you would never find your happy ending in this place. Not anymore.
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Present day…
[from Matthew] I’m sorry about what I said on the phone last night. I was feeling disappointed that I won’t get to see you this weekend and I unintentionally took it out on you. I hope you’re having a great time with your family. Please call me back.
You barely finish reading the whole text before shutting the app off and tossing the cellphone into your purse with a deep sigh. You turn away to look out the window, watching the trees and the hills passing by as Namjoon keeps on driving up the mountain roads, hoping that the silence and the sight of the scenery—even though you have them all covered under a blanket of snow—can calm you down before getting into the whole charade.
But nothing seems to go past Namjoon’s attention, when he only gives you a brief moment of silence before asking, “Is there something wrong?”
Pressing your lips together, you silently contemplate your answer. What are you supposed to tell him? That you had a fight last night through the phone call with your fiancé after letting him know that you will be staying a bit longer, that it is still unnerving to you just how mad your fiancé got after hearing that you are having an extended Christmas celebration with your family instead of coming home the next morning after Christmas dinner like you had promised him you would? Or should you tell him how upset your fiancé had been when you had accidentally sent him a photo of yourself at home while you weren’t wearing the engagement ring? That would surely start quite an interesting conversation with your husband—even if the title that he still carries would only last until the moment all of this charade is over.
“Nothing,” you finally answer him before turning to look at his face. Sometimes you still feel like you are dreaming when you see him driving this fancy four-wheel truck by himself. He used to hate driving through town, choosing to either ride with his friends or hitch a ride with your brother in his truck whenever he had to go to places that would have needed quite a drive from home. He seems to be a lot calmer and more collected now as he leads the truck up the tricky roads, knowing exactly where to go without so much of a fuss. Unlike back then when he had sat right by your side when you first learned how to drive.
“It’s just nerves,” you quickly add as soon as you notice that Namjoon is still expecting for you to explain. “I suppose it’s finally getting to me that we’re going to be holed up in one place, together with two families and a very attentive grandmother. And we’ll be coming in as an estranged married couple in the middle of it. Oh, let’s add the fact that I haven’t been in town for three years to know everything that’s been going on so I’m not completely sure just how we are supposed to pass Winny’s test with flying colours.”
Namjoon chuckles softly as he keeps his eyes on the road. “If you put it that way, I guess I’d be nervous about it too,” he says, suddenly reaching out to grab your hand and give it a little squeeze. “Don’t worry, we got this. We already had our stories lined up and I’m sure that she wouldn’t notice how detached you have been with the family and the whole town. She still thinks you’ve been away in school, after all.”
The touch that Namjoon gives you makes your chest stir a little. It has you growing rigid in your seat when your body seems to be reacting to him and yet you try your best to hide it. But the moment he pulls away, you immediately feel the loss. Your eyes follow his hand as he grips the steering wheel while you clench your hands on your lap, already missing his light touch and wishing to have his hand resting on yours again.
Grabbing your empty left hand with your right one, you clutch them together tightly to stop yourself from reaching out to him just as you respond to him, “That is true. But we need to make sure to remind my Mom not to talk about Missy’s pregnancy with her third child since it wouldn’t line up with the timeline.” You almost roll your eyes when you say this, since it is the only thing that your mother had been talking about during family dinners. Especially since your best friend had specifically asked your mother if she would be available to watch over the other two little ones when the time would come for the baby to arrive.
You almost grimace when you think about this. It’s not that you are not happy with Missy’s good news. But being near a pregnant woman had always made you feel uncomfortable, much less to hear it being talked about constantly. It doesn’t matter if she is your best friend and that she had been there during your own pregnancy and your loss, but being reminded of that phase in your life had been extremely hard for you to deal with.
“Dutifully noted,” Namjoon responds to you with a smile, unaware of where your mind had wandered off to. “How are your parents taking this, though? I know that this situation isn’t quite ideal and it doesn’t seem fair to get them all involved.”
You release a sigh. “It sure isn’t, but they try to understand. They both care about Winny, after all, so they didn’t question it too much. I think the prospect of getting to enjoy the holiday break outside of the house became their top priority to think about so they really don’t think much about everything else.”
Your parents had been surprised when you told them about your plans to join Namjoon and his family on their trip to the mountains. Whatever they had expected when you announced that you were going to see Namjoon and to have one of the most life-changing conversations of all, it was probably nowhere close to this, and neither of you could imagine it would end up this way. But then Namjoon extended his invitation to have your parents come along on the trip, and they simply stopped questioning it. Even if it has become pretty obvious that your father is still feeling a bit wary about the whole thing.
As the drive continues and the air grows denser, you are relieved that there is only the two of you in this ride, with your families traveling separately as they all left early at dawn to beat the bad weather. While Namjoon’s parents had gone to the mountain cottage first with Winny and his sister, you had convinced your parents and your dear uncle to join Bernie in his truck so that you can have some more time with Namjoon to plan things out properly. It had also been his idea to come together as a unit, showing a front that would please Winny by coming together in the same car as if you had been staying in the same old cabin that you had lived in with Namjoon since you came back.
“How do your parents feel about all of this?” you ask him in the middle of the conversation, just as you are reminded of his mother, who had treated you like a second daughter since you got married to Namjoon. You have grown so close to each other that she had even gone to the city with your parents to attend your graduation from law school three years ago.
“Just as I told you before, all we really want is for Winny to get better. No matter at what cost. They, uh—they know what we’re planning to do, but only to the point that we are going to be there together to indulge Winny. I can definitely say that the news had pretty much surprised my parents when I told them about you coming on this trip, but I think they’re just happy to know that you’re going to be there for her. That, and because we can finally have you joining our family this year.”
You nod your head, ignoring the feeling of longing blooming in your chest at the thought of meeting his family again. “How’s your Mom doing?”
Namjoon’s smile grows. “She’s doing great. She’s been busy with her shop downtown, but overall, I think she’s having the best time of her life with it,” he says, his eyes flickering between you and the road while his smile widens when he sees you smiling back.
“I’m glad to hear that. She had always wanted to do her own thing.”
“She’s also been helping me out at the bar. You know that she’s acting as the head manager, right? Practically Bernie’s boss and she gets to boss see around, even if I own the fucking place,” he says with a chuckle that rises up to a series of laughter after seeing your reaction to what he had just told you. “I’m serious! She was the first person to support me when I told everyone I was going to buy the property and rebuild the place. Then she got all excited when the place was coming together that she simply offered to get involved. She began by tending the bar with Bernie, making sure to help me run the whole thing once I officially had it open for business. She usually bartends during the day while serving lunch. You just happened to come during the days when she took a break and let Bernie work all day.”
Picturing yourself entering the bar with your mother-in-law standing behind the counter has you laughing amusedly. “I would have probably shocked her pants off if she had been there when I first came by.”
He gives you a small smile before he turns back to the road. “Especially with those papers in your hand,” you hear him muttering softly, though the rumbling sound of his truck drowns the words that you are not completely sure if you had heard him correctly. And he gives you no chance to question it when he makes a sudden turn, leaving the main road to drive through a long gravel-covered road until a fenced property comes to sight.
“We’re here,” he says as he drives through the wide opened front gate, slowing the truck down until a rather spacious plane of snow and a frozen pond appear, and the cottage—that does not fit its title at all—rises to view. The cottage, as Namjoon has called it, is a three-story mountain lodging with red brick walls, massive stone columns protruding on its sides. Large windows with rustic wood frames fill the sides of the lodge, overlooking the beautiful scenery of the snow covered mountains and trees, while the open balcony on the upper floor seems to be enough to fit the entire family to hang out on if anyone wants to stay out in the cold.
“This place looks amazing,” you find yourself muttering softly as you marvel at the beautiful sight of the building, while Namjoon remains silent as he drives his fancy truck to the side, finding the empty spot between Bernie’s fancy truck and your uncle’s older one that has already gotten covered with a thin veil of snow.
Namjoon sets the truck to a park before leaning back in his seat. Then he turns to you just as you look at him, a smile on his face when he says, “Thank you.”
It takes you a moment before you finally understand what he is trying to say.
“You built it,” you tell him rather than asking him for confirmation, and Namjoon gives you nothing but a smile to respond. “I thought you said your family is renting the place?”
Namjoon nods. “It belongs to the Mayor. But I was the one who helped build it, renovated it from the old hunting cabin that he inherited from his father to look the way it is now. All I did was added more floors and built bigger rooms inside to fit a whole family. It did make it easier for us to get a cheap price to stay here through Christmas because of that. The man is also an old friend of Winny’s from school, so I think that’s also the reason why he’s letting us use the place for as long as we want to.”
You open your mouth to make a comment, but find yourself unable to find the right words. You don’t even give the lodge another look, too amused at your husband. You have been hearing different things about him from the people around you—how much he has changed, how far he had turned his life around after you were gone, and you are beginning to see him in a different light.
In a way, it amuses you just how far he can go once he put his mind on it. On the other hand, it makes you feel—jealous, betrayed, dejected, because this is exactly what you had wanted from him years ago. This is the side of him that you had wanted to see, and all he did then was defy you, constantly refusing your help and support while not being able to see how much you wanted to help him become the person he is today. And it is somehow hurting you to find out that he had only chosen to start trying again once you were out of the picture, and only once you were no longer a part of his life.
Which only shows that he surely had not been doing all of this for you.
“Shall we come in? I have a feeling that everyone would have been waiting for us.” Namjoon glances towards the lodging before looking at you, keeping a smile on his face as he is still unaware of how you have your mind wandering off to the past or to even notice the hurt you are feeling in your chest.
Suddenly, not only does he appear to you like a new person, you only see him as a stranger. Perhaps he was right, after all, when he said that the two of you had been walking in different paths. That maybe it was not meant to be. That you had always meant to walk another path without him by your side. Somehow, keeping this thought only helps seal your mind into getting things done as soon as possible and return to the life waiting for you once this is all over.
“Alright, let’s get things rolling.”
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If you had been mesmerised by its outer skin, you find yourself getting more amused and astounded as Namjoon takes you inside the lodge.
His mother welcomes you at the front door with a big hug, lingering for a moment to squeeze you in her arms as if you are still the young girl she used to watch over when your parents were away. “It’s so good to see you again, ______,” she whispers to you, lowering her voice so that you would be the only one to hear her.
“I’m happy to see you again too,” you respond to her before you part ways, and you nearly tear up with emotions when you find her still smiling at you with her glossy eyes taking you in.
“Come say hi to everyone else.”
Letting Namjoon takes your hand in his, you walk hand-in-hand to enter the main living room where everyone is gathering, sitting and lounging on the loveseats with warm drinks and snacks that fill the air with their wonderful fragrance, no doubt Winny’s creation straight from her own kitchen. You linger briefly near the foyer to talk with your in-laws first, before greeting your parents who are joined by your uncle and Bernie near the fireplace. Right across the room, sitting close to the massive Christmas tree—one that appears to have been cut straight from the mountain forest before it was placed inside the room—together with Namjoon’s sister is Winny, who is looking straight at you with wide eyes and her smile hidden behind the cup she is holding up as she takes dainty sips of her drink.
Namjoon pulls you to his side as you walk away from your parents, brushing his lips across your temple as he whispers, “Don’t be nervous.”
“Got it,” you whisper back to him, giving him a smile as he pulls back. You let him guide you to grab a drink from the nearest table where the refreshments have been set up before walking over to greet Winny.
However, right before you can make it to the table and grab the hot chocolate drink that seems to be calling your name, Winny stops both you and Namjoon from moving across the room when she suddenly calls out,
“Stop. Hold it right there!”
Both you and Namjoon stop moving at the same time and your heartbeat begins to rise. You are practically clutching his hand tightly in yours and almost clinging onto his arm completely just to keep yourself from crumbling on the floor. Feeling completely scrutinised under Winny’s gaze, your nerves begin spiking up that you are too afraid to make a move. Just as you are beginning to feel the blood draining from your face, wondering if you had somehow shown a tell to blow this whole charade before it has any chance to start, a bright smile grows on Winny’s face, while her eyes are filled with mirth and joy and something else that you cannot truly decipher.
Suddenly, she raises a hand and points up, aiming right above your heads and says, “Look, you are standing right below a mistletoe. You know it’s a bad omen to step away from it without a kiss.”
Your heart drops, while Winny looks too adorably excited that you find no way to deny her. So you turn to your husband, meeting his wide eyes that are looking at you with pure confusion and doubt, before his gaze shows a silent understanding when he pulls you closer and wraps his arm around your waist. He gives you a small smile as his head dips, the mask that he has been wearing around you slipping from his face for the briefest moment before his lips are suddenly on yours, giving you a chaste kiss that feels too good and yet ends too soon. The kiss feels brief, and yet it is enough to set your whole body to come alive, to bring warmth rolling in waves from where he is kissing and touching you and all the way down to the tip of your toes.
And for some strange reason, you refuse to let this feeling fade away too soon. He tries to pull away once he ends the kiss, but you immediately wrap your arms around his neck to keep him close.
“Need to make it believable, remember?” you whisper against his lips, before pushing yourself up to your tiptoes so you can press your lips on his, starting with a chaste kiss that feels just as innocent as the one he gave you. Only that instead of pulling away, you press harder, moulding your lips with his to let it linger.
Namjoon grows stiff at first, before his hold on your body tightens, pulling you further into his chest as he begins to return the kiss with the same fervour, his tongue slipping out sneakily as he devours your lips to have a taste, and it has your body lighting up as if he had set up a flame somewhere deep within you.
A soft sigh escapes from your throat and it snaps you right out of it, clearing out your muddled brain to remind you of where you are. Ever so gently, you pull away, keeping your arms around him still when you open your eyes, finding him watching you with dilated eyes that are slowly filled with a hint of shock. Though you can easily see that there is also warmth in his gaze, a hint of longing that has your heart pinching tightly in your chest.
“Oh, that’s what I’ve been waiting to see, my favourite couple being full of love the way they always do,” Winny exclaims with a soft clap. Everyone in the room gives a burst of nervous laughter—except for Bernie who is standing in the corner with a knowing smile on his face and Namjoon’s mother who is watching you with a pair of glossy eyes that she quickly hides by turning to grab her glass from the table—but Winny doesn’t seem to notice this as she rises from her seat and makes her way towards the two of you.
“Look at you,” she says, taking your face in her palms just as Namjoon releases you from his hold. “You’ve become an elegant woman already. Oh, why did time have to move so fast? I used to be able to watch you grow and suddenly you are looking so mature it feels like time has completely slipped right out of me. ”
Guilt slowly seeps in, but you force a smile to your face when you answer her, “It’s good to see you again, Winny. I’m sorry I’ve been away.”
For a moment, the only thing that Winny does is to look at you, her gaze studying you closely with an intense look that you cannot possibly read even as you are looking at her closely. “I’ve missed you too, kiddo. But I’m glad to see you two back here together again,” she says, giving you an odd look on her face as she speaks, making you start questioning things silently and feeling your doubt brewing inside your head. Before you can think too much of it, Winny turns her gaze to Namjoon and smiles gently. “Joon must have felt relieved to see you back home.”
“Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” you try to lighten things up with a joke, though you still find it hard to hide the nervous chuckle bubbling from inside you. Noticing this, Namjoon wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you back to him, pressing you to his side.
“Don’t listen to her, Winny. Of course it makes me happy to have her home with me,” he says, once again planting a kiss on the top of your head.
Seeing this, Winny simply nods her head. “Well, I better let you kids go to your room and rest. I know it was a long drive. Go on, grab some hot chocolate and snacks or take your time to get settled in and come back down to have a drink with me once you’re ready.”
Once the short encounter is done, you part ways with Winny, giving her another hug before leaving the room. Namjoon takes you upstairs, leading you to the bedroom that you would be sharing with each other during your stay. He keeps holding your hand even when nobody is looking and he only lets you go once you are in the room.
“This is it. I hope it’s okay that we’re going to be holed up here for a while,” Namjoon smiles sheepishly while you turn your eyes away to find the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. All of a sudden, your body feels warm just thinking about sharing the room and perhaps split the bed with him. But then you hear Namjoon clearing his throat, possibly seeing the look on your face as discomfort and then points at the sofa bench placed in the corner of the room. “You can take the bed, and I can take the bench if that would make you feel more comfortable.”
You take a good look at the sofa that doesn’t exactly look comfortable to sleep on and simply cannot imagine him sleeping all night on that thing. But you say nothing about it. As if he takes your silence as a yes, Namjoon only smiles and nods at you. “Alright, I’ll leave you to change and unpack, maybe lie down for a moment. I know you might want to chill a little before going back out there. I’ll go down and grab the rest of our bags.”
He catches your gaze as you look up at him again, and his smile softens to whatever he sees in your eyes. “I won’t be long. I promise.”
Namjoon closes the door gently behind him as he leaves the room, while you take a seat on the edge of the bed just as your knees are beginning to feel weak. Only then do you finally realise that your legs have been trembling for a while now, and the only reason why you even managed to keep on standing was simply because you had been holding tightly onto Namjoon’s arms the whole time.
You release a deep sigh as you are trying to wrap your head around everything. You have to admit, that you have been feeling as if you are walking in the clouds and it has been this way ever since you walked past the front door. It is not so much because of the ruse that you are feeling this way, but for everything around it. And for the most part, it is all because of Namjoon.
You had known that you would need to play your part in this whole thing, and you have been preparing for it for the past few days before coming here. The only thing that you had not expected was to have your whole mind and body reacting this way over a simple kiss.
The kiss that you shared with Namjoon had only been a show, one that had been completely unplanned—when neither of you had expected that Winny would be asking for such request only moments after you arrived—but you cannot deny and say that your body is only reacting to it now as a part of your scheme and it is left you questioning things when you are supposed to keep a clear head while getting into this.
This wouldn’t be the first time that Namjoon has affected you when you are with him.
For the purpose of planning the ruse and getting used to being with him again without feeling all the awkwardness and to stop you from acting like strangers with one another, you had been seeing him constantly—from going out on lunch dates with him and coming to the bar to see him at night—and while all those meetings have been nothing but friendly encounters, you cannot deny the way he has been making you feel.
At first, it had taken you a while to stop feeling uneasy for being around him and appearing in town together with him, but then the need to get used to each other’s presence again had been stronger than your past resentment to one another that you slowly got used to it. Until you soon found yourself easing into things as if everything around you had gotten back to the way they were.
The comfortable silence that would fall between you had seemed like a warm blanket more than it gave you the awkwardness that you had feared to find when you had first thought about spending time with him. The light touches that he had given you—the ones that you let him do while telling yourself that it had to be done as practice—kept giving your body all the odd tingles that had been surprising but was never unwelcome.
Sitting here alone while thinking about all of this, you also notice how it suddenly feels like there is a void inside your chest that has been growing since the moment he walked out the door, as if you had grown so used to his presence that you had been clinging to it for comfort. The silence that accompanies you in his absence is not only making you feel the presence of the void even more, but it is giving you a chance to think, to look back into the past few days while wondering why the light tremors that his kiss had ignited in you have yet to fade.
A part of you seems to be telling you that perhaps being with him has awakened the feelings that you had felt for him but left buried for years. But you ignore the voices, denying that you may still have a lingering feeling for him left. Perhaps you still do care about him, perhaps you always have, but you are not quite sure if this feeling is anything close to the fierce, burning love that you used to have for him.
Perhaps what you have for him is nothing more but an infatuation, and it is building up inside you only because you are seeing him as a different person and not as the man that you had left behind.
Yes, that is simply what this is and nothing more, you keep convincing yourself even as you press your fingers on your lips, tracing the lingering sparks that have been left there from his kiss.
Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath to gather your resolve back, reminding yourself the reason why you had come here in the first place. Soon, everything will be over, and you will be free to move on, to leave all of this behind without any regret. Whatever Namjoon makes you feel would be temporary, and you have no doubt that it all stems from the memory that you had together in the past, the nostalgia that still remains in your head and not because you simply still love him or care about him the way you used to be in the past.
As you wait for Namjoon to return, you keep repeating this to yourself, refusing to give in to the illusions carried by your old, buried feelings, while convincing yourself to be stronger, hoping that your words alone would be enough to get you through this charade in one piece.
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The moment dinner time arrives in the evening, you only find that none of the things you kept telling yourself all day even mattered, or if any of them truly worked. Not when your mind keeps bringing you back to the kiss that you shared with Namjoon even as you are sitting among the others at the dinner table. And with Namjoon sitting right beside you, his presence serves as both the comfort that you need and, at the same time, the catalyst, when he ignites every spark, every reaction, and—every time you would look at him and your eyes would find his lips again—every flash of memory from the kiss.
No matter what you have done to try and get that moment out of your head, there is no stopping you from rewinding it again to yourself. There is no denying that—even if you keep telling yourself that it didn’t matter—the kiss still rattles you in a way that your body continues to react so easily to him. Your body shudders to each brush of his hand through dinner or whenever he leans closer to speak. Your skin would tingle when he is pressing to your side as he eats his meal. The fact that you are simply unable to avoid every gesture he is openly showing to the others at the table to play his part as the dotting husband only makes you feel more hyperaware of his presence. And it is certainly giving you quite a challenge, when you need to constantly hold back and hide all the shudders he brings forth within you, preventing it from showing out for everyone else who is present to see.
“You know how proud I am to hear about how well you’re doing in school, don’t you? I’ve told this to Joon time and time again since you started school again, but we all have hopes for you to make it big,” Winny says, turning to you after you saw her talking to your mother.
Feeling all the attention that seems to be drawn to you all so suddenly, you can only chuckle nervously while shifting in your seat, barely realising that you would lean a bit closer to Namjoon when this happens. “I don’t know about reaching anything big, but—” You turn to glance at Namjoon, gauging at his reaction and using his smile the encouragement that you need to keep on talking. “I do enjoy being in school, and I can’t wait to graduate soon and see where it leads me.”
The lie feels bitter on your tongue, but it is nothing compared to the guilt you feel in your chest for deceiving your grandmother-in-law.
Meanwhile, Winny simply nods, completely unaware of the turmoil that you are having.“Namjoon has also been making me proud. I think he wants to prove to himself and to the family that he can keep up with you. He’s shown me this bar he’s been working on and I think he’s doing quite a great job on it.”
The pride in her eyes is contagious, and you find yourself smiling proudly as you turn to Namjoon. “Well, he sure has been surprising me with a lot of what he’s been doing. I’ve been spending my time at the bar with him since I got back and I love seeing what he had done to the place.”
To your pleasure, Namjoon appears embarrassed to hear your compliment. A shy smile appears on his face and he dips his head to hide the blush forming on his skin. But then he reaches out to grab your hand gently in his and starts running his thumb absentmindedly on your knuckles when he speaks again, “I’m glad to hear that, coming from you. You have been my inspiration behind everything that I’ve been doing, after all.”
He looks straight into your eyes as he says those words, and a shiver instantly runs down your spine when you can clearly see the sincerity in the way he is looking at you. As if those words were real. Then you look away just as your face grows hot, finding Bernie sitting at the end of the table while giving you a knowing look. Everything that he said to you from the other day rings inside your head, and your heartbeat picks up.
“Joon here did all of this by himself—with a lot of our help, of course. Said he did it all for—”
There is no way, you tell yourself, refusing to let your mind go anywhere that you really have no right to venture into. But you keep these thoughts to yourself, forcing a smile to your face and holding it together as Namjoon brings your hand up and presses a kiss on the back of your hand. The gesture instantly sparks a reaction through your body, a delightful spark that you haven’t felt for a long time comes shooting through your skin, and you find yourself unable to look away, completely hypnotised by his warm gaze that keeps drawing you closer to him, and the touch that seems to bring back all the emotions that you had once thought had been lost.
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The rest of the dinner simply flew by like a fleeting dream. Though it didn’t stop you from slipping away from the others only an hour after dinner has been wrapped up to find a place to hide.
You had managed to hold yourself together through the rest of the dinner without so much of a blunder even with the continuous moments you find yourself getting too lost inside your head for all the feelings that Namjoon had brought up in you.
And he was not the only one who had made you feel these things.
Sitting outside the lodge, you can hear the voices coming from inside. You can tell that everyone is currently doing their own thing to enjoy the night. You can hear the sound of your parents laughing from the seating lounge as they are keeping Winny company near the fireplace while Namjoon’s parents are no doubt enjoying their drinking party with Bernie in the kitchen pantry. The last time you saw Namjoon was right before you stepped out onto the porch, catching the sight of him having an intense conversation with his sister in the living room and away from the others.
Being around everyone, having both families joined together and sharing this moment have been enjoyable, and it was surprising to see just how easy it has been for you to dive right back in despite how long you have been away from them. Watching everyone interact and enjoy their dinner left you swamped with emotions, just the way it did during your family dinner the other night when everyone was present, laughing and chatting as if the time when you were gone had been non-existent. You felt exactly the same way earlier, and it had made you somewhat uneasy, when it felt both like coming home while making you feel like a fraud at the same time.
As if you no longer deserved to be sitting here among them, indulging in the warmth of their companion and acting like a member of the family when you haven’t been one for a long time.
It had become too overwhelming when you still couldn’t shake the feeling off even after dinner had ended that you simply had to get away, and that was the reason why you have found yourself here, sitting on the long wooden bench—one that looks a bit too similar to the old wooden bench you have back at home—to find solace and perhaps have your peace with the silence as your companion. You were also hoping that being out here would give you a chance to clear your head before heading up to your room to end the night, but your mind keeps wandering all over the place, taking you back to the events happening throughout the day and sometimes way back to the past where everything had seemed to be perfectly in control, before it had gone into a complete mess.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
You nearly jump at Namjoon’s deep voice as he appears at the door, smiling amusedly at you. “God, you scared me,” you mutter softly while pressing a hand over your heart, hoping that it would calm back down.
“Sorry,” he chuckles at you as he leans against the wooden doorframe. “What are you doing out here in the cold?”
You press your lips together, wondering just what to say to him, though you immediately realise what a mistake it would be to hide these things from him. Not when he is the only one currently on your side.
“I just need to do some thinking on my own,” you finally tell him with a shrug, and his gaze softens. “Where’s everyone?” you ask him when you realise that the voices coming from inside have gone down.
Namjoon glances over his shoulders and takes a look inside through the open door briefly before turning back to you. “Most of them have gone up to their rooms, including Winny. Our Dads are planning to go to the shop early in the morning for the barbecue lunch tomorrow so they’re settling down early. The only ones left are Bernie and your uncle who are trying to work on finishing that bottle of whiskey I brought them earlier,” he says, chuckling softly before his warm gaze returns. “And then there’s us.”
“And then there’s us,” you mutter softly, mirroring his words with a small voice.
You bite your lips, hating how powerless you are against the flutters forming inside you and how surprisingly good it feels. The warmth in your belly feels comforting, but it makes you grow wary to let it linger for far too long. You should be standing up and start to make your leave, and then hide in the bedroom instead of sitting here under his gaze and enjoying the way he is making you feel. Suddenly, you feel like a teenager again, the same way you felt when you hid away with him during one of the parties that your school friends were holding at the time and he had ended up giving you your first kiss.
“Mind if I join you?” he asks you gently while his eyes never once stray away from you, and you find yourself unable to refuse.
You should say no to him and walk away, the small voice inside your head whispers to you, telling you to retreat for the night and walk away from him. It would be much safer, the voice speaks, and you can swear that you can hear it trembling, filled with the fear of having the wounds that you had once carried inside you returning. But the pounding in your heart becomes stronger, drowning the voices that keep sending you all the warning signs, and the words simply slip out before you can stop them,
“No, go ahead.”
A smile of relief comes to his face and he walks over to take the empty seat next to you while you slide away to give him space. You still haven’t gotten used to the new muscular built he is now sporting that you almost forget that he wouldn’t fit easily to your side so you cannot escape it when he brushes against you. The bench groans a little as he drops himself right next to you while he instantly engulfs you with his warmth. Goosebumps begin to form on your skin even without him touching you directly that you just lean back, trying your best not to make it obvious by rubbing your hands on your arms to hide it.
“It’s quite a lot to take in, isn’t it?” he suddenly asks you, keeping his voice low enough that you almost miss it. You turn to him to find him smiling at you while you have no idea how to respond. “I’m sorry for putting you through this.”
Swallowing hard, you can only nod your head slowly. “I wouldn’t say you are solely responsible in all of this. We wouldn’t have been in this spot if I hadn’t come to rush you into—”
Signing the divorce papers.
Shoot. For a while there you had almost forgotten the real reason why you are here in the first place and why you had agreed to become a part of this whole ruse. There is an icy prick poking in your chest when you are reminded that this whole thing has a time limit, and it surprises you to feel this way. There is no way you would want this whole thing to carry on, not when you have another life waiting for you. Another story for you to live through.
Another man who is waiting for you to return.
You shake your head, still cannot believe how easily you find yourself straying away from what you are meant to do. You should have expected this, when you knew what you were getting into by joining this trip. But it had somehow slipped your mind completely to prepare yourself against this, to remember that Namjoon would not be the only one that would be able to draw out all the memories and to stir your heart. Regardless of all the lies, the secrets that you are still keeping from everyone, and the horrible charade you are playing, you cannot deny how it makes you feel like you are finally home.
For years, you had thought that being here would only bring back all the hurt, that you would be constantly reminded of your painful past when all of the elements are present together. But it had turned out that the only things that have been brought back up while you are with everyone who are dear to your heart are the memory of the love that you had shared with them, the good times, and the comfort of coming home.
And for some reason, there is a part of you that doesn’t mind being here, to forget the world outside of this bubble and the life where this warm feeling doesn’t exist. Letting this thought linger inside your head, you find yourself admitting it loudly to Namjoon about it before you can stop it.
“I have to admit that I’ve missed all of this. To be around the family, to hear Bernie’s dirty jokes. And most importantly, being around Winny,” you mutter softly, turning to him with a smile just as you stop yourself from admitting how much you have missed the part of your life which you had once shared with him, only because you would have to admit that you have been missing him too. “I was nervous about meeting them all at once, but everyone was enjoying themselves that I just got into the festive mood pretty easily.”
“I think we both did pretty well for the first round,” Namjoon says, nodding his head.
“I’ll say,” you chuckle softly at him. “Though, I do admit—being around Winny for too long makes me nervous. Sometimes I’ll find myself talking to her and then the moment she brings up something from three years ago as if they had just happened, I’ll feel so guilty that I just want to admit everything.” You look back with a sigh. “Especially when she brought up the candy apple. I probably would’ve bawled my eyes out and told her that the last fair we went to together happened 4 years ago and not last year if you hadn’t come to change the topic.”
Namjoon laughs softly as he recalls that moment, when he came to the rescue at the perfect time while you were stuttering in front of Winny while she was reminiscing about the old town’s fair that you had gone to together. “All I did was look at your eyes and I knew you were panicking. I did what I had to do.”
“My saviour,” you whisper to him with a teasing tone in your voice, making him smile.
“That’s what teammates do, be there for each other,” he says, speaking in a low voice that warms your skin. He falls silent for a moment when your gazes meet each other, and the playfulness in his eyes fades. “We used to make a great team, you and I.”
We certainly did, the small voice in your head responds to him, just as a painful twist appears in your chest. The betrayal that you had felt before when you thought about his changes comes stabbing deeper into your chest, and it grows even deeper when you remind yourself that you are no longer a part of his life, just as much as he is no longer a part of yours.
“Don’t do that,” you say to him as you look away, avoiding his gaze that suddenly feels so intense that it nearly burns you just by looking back at him. “Let’s not go there, Namjoon.”
The way he is looking at you makes you feel exposed, that no matter what you do to shield yourself and hide from him, he can still make you feel as if you are holding out your heart, that you are baring your soul for him to see. So you keep your eyes looking away, focusing on the trees around the lodge instead of letting him see through your facade.
“Why not?” he whispers, and you realise that in your effort of trying to avoid him and to push him away, Namjoon has shifted closer. You can feel his arm resting on the backrest behind you while his warmth comes pressing to your side. “Can’t I talk about the good old past? We were sharing all the great memories from when we were kids and we even acted like how we used to be in the past. Is it not okay to just talk about it, for old time sake?”
“That—that’s different and you know it,” you respond to him with a voice barely a whisper. And you hate the way your body is truly reacting to him, as your skin grows hot when you feel his warm breath falls against you, brushing softly right where the top of your sweater falls over from your shoulders. A faint scent of whisky wafts between you and you lift your eyes to him. “Are you drunk? Is that why you’re not making sense right now? Or did you hit your head on your way out here?”
Namjoon laughs and shakes his head. “You know I barely had any alcohol through dinner. Neither of us did since we promised to stay sober while we’re around Winny, remember?” he says with a chuckle, and you begin to regret turning to look at him. You have failed to realise how much closer he is to you now, that he is basically leaning over you and keeping you trapped against the bench with nowhere to escape. His eyes are dark, and there is something in his gaze that you have not seen for a long time as he keeps looking at you. His presence feels intimidating, intense, leaving you completely entranced that you can barely hold back from leaning closer and letting yourself be drawn to him.
“I only took a shot of whiskey from Bernie and your uncle before I walked out here to find you, but my head is still as clear as day. I’m only curious, are you saying that you didn’t feel a thing when we kissed? Do I not make your heart race anymore?”
Your mouth falls open, both in shock and for finding yourself almost giving him the answer that he seems to be searching for.
Because the answer is yes.
Yes, you did feel something—a lot of things—when you kissed him under the mistletoe and right in front of your families who knew nothing about the deal you have made with each other.
Yes, he makes your heart race, just the way he is doing it now, simply by being so close, for having his face leaning close to yours that you clench your hands tightly to stop yourself from reaching out and pulling his head so you can devour his lips again.
And yes, your heart is still racing, not only because of his presence, but also because of the way he is looking at you as if you are a mystery for him to unfold. The curiosity, the astonishment, the wonder—you can see it all, all the emotions dancing in his eyes, and you wonder if you are showing him all the same thing when you return his gaze while your face is burning under his gaze.
But you take a deep breath, willing your body to stop reacting to him and swallow hard. “Everything is in the past, Joon. Right where we left it. And we’ve moved on from it.”
Namjoon clenches his jaw, though there is a glint of his amusement in his eyes when he says, “We did leave all of that behind, didn’t we?” His voice comes out so soft that it almost seems like he is questioning himself rather than expecting an answer from you. Then his sly grin returns when he lifts his hand, brushing against your forearm that shows under the sleeves of your sweater, his fingers tracing gently on your skin before he begins trailing them upwards ever so slowly, all the way to your shoulder.
“Do you really not feel anything anymore? Not even when I touch you like this?” Then he stops, only for a brief moment, before you feel his fingers moving to brush your hair away, exposing the nape of your neck, where he then runs a featherlight touch with his long fingers until he draws a shudder through your body. ”Not even when I do this?” he whispers, keeping his eyes on you the entire time to watch your reaction, no doubt catching the way your eyes are dilating to his touch or the way your breath hitches right when the tip of his fingers brush against the sensitive spot beneath your ear.
“No,” you answer him, but even you know that your answer holds no truth when you are trembling against him, and your voice has come out breathless, almost to a sigh, when the shudders running through your body is still existent and you can no longer fight against it.
Namjoon must have caught on to how your body is truly reacting to him no matter how much you try to hide it, because he only seems to keep leaning closer, his head dipping lower, coming so close that you are suddenly feeling his lips ghosting over yours, just a hairbreadth away from yours when he finally stops himself.
“And you won’t feel a thing if I kiss you right now? A real kiss, not a part of a show where we have audiences watching and expecting us to perform for them?” he whispers against your lips. “There is only you and me out here, Baby Doll. Nobody else but us.”
He looks down at you for a long, silent moment before he dips his head, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. He pulls away right after, just far enough to what you imagine as a way for him to gauge your reaction. He looks at you for another beat of a moment before he does the same thing. He dips his head, giving you a brief, closed-mouthed kiss, lingering for a moment longer this time, before he slowly pulls away again.
This time, you are the one searching for his eyes. Deep down, you both know just how wrong this is. How this cannot happen. And most importantly, why this should never happen. But right now, it doesn’t seem to matter. The pull between the two of you which you had once thought had somehow vanished right before you left is still there and you cannot seem to shake it off. Not when he is this close, with his warmth rolling between you and the shadow of his touches still ripples on your skin.
Maybe it is due to the fact that you are stuck in this place together. Maybe the entire night of reminiscing the past and having his grandmother doting you as if you had never left makes you feel like you are right where you belong. Maybe it is the melancholy, knowing that this would be the last time, that you would have to let him go for good once everything is over, no matter what history you have had together and what you still feel for each other. But there is a strong feeling of need inside you that makes you want him more now in a way that you haven’t felt before. And it is taking over you to the point that you can no longer hold back.
When he dips his head toward you again, only after noticing how you no longer have your guards up against him, you slide your hands up his chest, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling him into you. You part your lips, almost begging him to deepen the kiss, and he happily obliges, sliding his tongue against yours before he trails it over your bottom lip.
You can taste the bite of alcohol on his tongue and you pull him even closer. The move seems to snap him out of his final restraint, and he is suddenly reaching out for you, no longer holding back. His hand slides up your back, fisting into your hair as he moves the other to start fumbling with your knitted sweater. He somehow manages to slide his hand inside, then wraps the same hand around your waist to pull you even closer, almost lifting you onto his lap.
You gasp softly against his lips as his hand reaches behind you, finding the zipper of the dress you have been wearing underneath the sweater and starts sliding it down. You must have been so distracted by his kiss that you fail to realise how your cardigan had slipped right off your shoulders, giving him more leeway in doing the same with the strap of your dress, and he pulls back just as the front of your dress falls over, exposing your covered breasts to his eyes.
A soft groan slips out of Namjoon’s lips when his gaze falls on your heaving chest, while pure hunger appears in his eyes, dark and intense, making you grow hot just by having him rake his gaze all over you. He wastes no more time as his hand finds your breast, touching you gently while he uses his other hand to slip behind you, unfastening your bra so easily as if he has done this to you many times before. You think nothing of it when you simply lean forward, pressing your lips on the nape of his neck while he makes a quick work on your clothes—unhooking your bra with what seems to be a flick of his wrist before sliding his hand underneath, trailing his fingers across your skin all the way from your back and then coming around to find your breast. He slides the straps of your bra off your shoulders, his fingers finding the sensitive skin around your nipple, making its tip harden before he finally rubs a thumb across the nub.
His lips suddenly find yours again just as the touch draws a gasp right out of you, though he doesn’t stop you from moaning into his mouth as he begins to devour your lips with more heat and hunger while he keeps touching you, sending surges of pleasure all through your body with the light traces of his long fingers. You hear a soft grunt coming out of his throat, but you continue kissing him, refusing to let him stop or to let any drop of doubt fall between you. While his touches remain on your skin, you reach out to him and begin to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, suddenly having the urge to feel his skin, to bask in his warmth, and to feel him shudder under your touch the same way he is doing it to you.
Just as you tug on his shirt, a deep groan rumbles from his chest again and his grip on your waist tightens just as he pulls you up to his lap. The move happens so suddenly that you can barely stop yourself from falling against his chest with a soft gasp. Then his lips are quick to return to yours, capturing the rest of the sounds you are making both in your shock and as you are drowning in the heat of the moment as he devours your mouth, pouring his desire more freely now that you are reacting and reciprocating his actions.
Your hands are trembling as you blindly release the buttons of his shirt, taking them off one and a time with your eyes closed and his kisses distracting you just as his hands are pressing on your curves, touching you wherever he can reach. You can only faintly hear the sound of him clearing his throat through your muddled senses, and yet he makes no move to pull away and you continue on pressing your lips on his, arching your chest to him, letting your body melt against his as your hips begin to sway, rolling over his lap as you press down against his groin.
The sound that you heard comes back, growing louder, and it takes you a while before you realise that the sound is coming from somewhere else and it wasn’t Namjoon who has been clearing his throat in the middle of kissing you. Both of you instantly pull away from each other as you realise this and Namjoon finally notices the sound. The soft cough returns again and you turn to look at the door just as Namjoon instantly pulls you to his chest to hide your exposed chest for your intruder to see, and your heart plunges in your chest when you see Bernie standing there, looking overly intoxicated after his drinking game with your uncle with a sick grin showing up on his face.
“Ah, sorry to interrupt. Didn’t see you two out here. Was checking to see if the door’s locked and there you are,” he says, slurring a little as he points between the door and the outer side of the porch. Meanwhile, you can feel your face burning hot with shame, though you are glad that Namjoon managed to snap right out of it a bit faster to cover your body from Bernie’s eyes, though you aren’t even quite sure if he can see either of you that well through the dark while he is being so heavily drunk.
As if he notices the way Namjoon is hiding you from him—and most probably only realising now that both you and Namjoon are looking like little deers caught in headlights—Bernie raises his hands in surrender and says, “Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything. Scout’s honour.”
While you are still left speechless in your shock, Namjoon chuckles softly. “You go on up and head to bed, Bernie. We’ll make sure to lock the doors up before we come up.”
“Sure thing, Joonie,” Bernie says, nodding like a child before he clumsily turns around and makes his way back through the door. His large frame keeps brushing harshly against the doorframe before he manages to slip right in. You are just beginning to breathe a sigh of relief and are telling yourself that perhaps he really did see nothing, when Bernie suddenly looks over his shoulder and asks, “Don’t you kids think it would be better to do it in your room? It’s freezing out here.”
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“So—how are we going to do this?”
Namjoon lifts his brows at your question and you can see the humour painting his gaze. “Simple. We sleep. I’ll take the sofa and you can keep the whole bed.”
You hold back the urge to roll your eyes at him and sigh, keeping your eyes on him as he stands right beside the bed while you stand on the other side. The heated moment that you shared with him at the porch had been instantly ruined when Bernie caught you both and things had only grown awkward and tense between you since. You could barely look at him when you were both fixing up your clothes and took your time to cool down. Then, once he had made sure that the coast was clear, Namjoon pulled you inside, locking the doors behind you before taking you all the way to the bedroom. Only to once again find yourselves surrounded with an air filled with tension once you were both secured in the confinement of your bedroom.
Your face still feels warm after what had happened downstairs—including the part where you had gotten caught right in the midst of it. As your mind flies back to that moment, your skin tingles right where he was touching you. Your breasts instantly grow hot and tight at the memory of his hands and fingers touching and brushing across your nipples that are now beginning to grow hard beneath your nightshirt. Afraid that he can see it through the thin fabric of your shirt, you cross your arms around your chest, pressing all the delicate tingles down while hiding the way your body is still reacting to him. Though it doesn’t stop you from running your gaze on him, noticing how the material of his shirt seems to cling onto his broad chest and wide shoulders so perfectly well that it barely serves its purpose in covering his body.
At least he is wearing something, you inwardly sigh.
After getting into the bedroom earlier, you had practically run and gone to hide in the bathroom to avoid him. After taking your sweet time washing up and getting yourself ready to bed, you had then returned to the bedroom to find him standing there only in his boxers. The way you had completely forgotten that Namjoon had always slept in the nude when you were still together almost had you screaming. Telling him to put a shirt on and making him promise to at least keep his boxers on had been the first few things that you said to him, much to his amusement. At least it had been entertaining enough for him to do exactly what you asked him to.
You look away before he would notice you staring at his chest. When your eyes fall on the sofa bench which Namjoon keeps insisting to sleep on, you simply grimace, unable to imagine him fitting his hard body on top of the small-sized furniture the way he keeps claiming he would. “No, that won’t do,” you find yourself muttering as you wonder about this. Hearing this, Namjoon tilts his head.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about you, sleeping there,” you point out between him and the sofa before shaking your head. “When there is a perfectly good sized bed right here.”
Namjoon raises his brows and barely holds back his amused smile when he teases you, “Are you trying to seduce me into joining you in bed, Baby Doll?”
“You know what I mean,” you say to him, narrowing your eyes. “I’m only saying that instead of letting me have this whole bed while you torture yourself into that tiny thing, why don’t we just—use the bed?” You stop for a brief moment, trying to ignore the way your cheeks are heating up before adding with a small voice, “Together.”
Namjoon’s eyes are glowing with glee when he questions you about it. “So you have nothing untoward planned for me? We’re just going to—sleep?”
“Funny. That would be the last thing I’d ever do. And we’re not just going to split the space by pointing between us to decide which of us gets which side,” you continue by pointing at his side to your side. “You can take that side and I’ll take this side. And then—” Giving him a sweet smile, you pull a thick pillow from the pile of them resting against the bed’s headboard, fluffing it in your hands a few times before placing it in the middle and add, “These pillows, the ones that we won’t be using to sleep, will be here in the middle.”
Namjoon’s eyes fall onto the pillow and his smile falls as you continue to add more pillows right in the middle of the bed and make it look like a fort. “You’re making a barrier?”
“You’re creating a line with pillows.”
“Exactly. And it’s a fort, actually.”
Namjoon looks up and raises his eyebrows at you. “Let me guess, we’re not allowed to trespass each other’s territory?”
Clapping your hands, you make a sound like he had just the grand prize in a big quiz. “That’s right. No crossing over to this area if you don’t want to get your balls kicked.”
He looks at you, looking genuinely surprised, before he starts laughing. “Alright, Baby Doll. Whatever you say.”
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Warmth comes trickling as the morning slowly sneaks in, brushing against your skin like delicate fingers teasing you to wake up, coaxing you to embrace the morning for a fresh start. As you slowly come awake, you breathe in deeply, inhaling the familiar musky scent that feels like home, wrapping you alongside the two gentle arms that are keeping you comfortable and safe in a loving embrace. And then the sound of a steady heartbeat begins to pick up, slowly rising, sounding clearer and clearer, inviting, mesmerising, and you snuggle against it, embracing the warmth that comes with it, only to notice that you are no longer snuggling against the soft pillows that you had been resting on all night.
It takes you another moment before you are finally pulled out of your slumber completely, before finding yourself resting on something solid, that there is a warm surface present under your palm. The smooth texture of Namjoon’s shirt appears to your bleary eyes when you slowly open them, letting you know that you have somehow gone over the pillow fort, and had landed on top of his hard chest instead. With your head right on top of his beating heart, your palm resting over his abdomen, and your legs entwined together, it simply appears as if you had locked onto one another in your sleep.
Namjoon’s breathing is still steady, even if he has one of his arms resting around your waist. Trying to relax as not to startle him awake, you begin to rake your brain to find a way to slip right out of his clutch without waking him up. The first thing you do is to slip your legs out of his, before gently peeling yourself from him, only to have his arm tightening around you to stop you from moving away.
“Where are you going?” His voice sounds deep and hoarse with sleep, but it stirs something deep inside you like a flame licking from within. It has you clenching your thighs together, your body going stiff against him before giving in to his embrace and simply remain to lie motionless on top of his chest.
“I—I’m sorry, I have no idea how—”
Namjoon’s chest rumbles as he chuckles softly. “Did I say I mind it?” he asks you, keeping his eyes closed while he is moving his fingers absentmindedly up and down your upper arm, while the palm that is pressing on your waist is still ever-present, holding you against him while he is caressing you gently. You look up just as he slowly opens his eyes, looking down on your face with something intense in his gaze, making you want to melt against him instead of pushing yourself off of him.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” you whisper softly, only realising now just how close your face is to his.
Namjoon’s lips twitch, forming a small grin. “I’m not the one who went over the fort that you built,” he says to you teasingly. You should be angry at his words, at whatever it is he seems to be accusing you of, but it is hard to think clearly when you have his lips brushing against your temple and when your heartbeat begins to race with the rising heat burning inside your belly.
“It’s still wrong,” you whisper with a sigh, closing your eyes when Namjoon tugs you up against his chest and continues to run his gentle kisses on your face.
“I’m not the one making the rules.”
You slowly push yourself up and he plants a kiss right at the tip of your nose, drawing a gasp out of you. “I should get up and—”
“And?” he asks, though he doesn’t make any move to let you go. He simply lies there beneath you, keeping his eyes on your face to gauge at your reaction, waiting, with his lips hovering so close that all you have to do is push yourself upward so your lips can touch.
But you do nothing as such, letting him hold you to his chest, unable to look away. You feel like you are getting drawn further into him, the pull that has been present now making itself known. One moment, you are simply there, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat that nearly matches yours. You have no idea who makes the first move, but his lips are suddenly on yours, brushing gently just as you lightly press your lips against him in return. A soft sound slips out of you when he gently takes your bottom lip and gives a light suck, and that is when the remaining restraint you have between you simply snaps.
With a light pull, he tugs you until you are on top of him, your legs resting on either side of him while you straddle his hips, pressing your pulsing center right on top of his covered hard-on. Your hands are clutching tightly on his shirt while you mould your lips together. He slides his tongue right at the seam of your lips, making his way in to deepen the kiss. Everything becomes a blur of heated desire with your tongues clashing against one another, his hands running up and down your curves while you slip your fingers through the hem of his shirt, slipping beneath the fabric, desperate to feel his skin.
While your fingers begin tracing blindly on the hard ridges of his abs, your hips begin to move, swivelling and rolling against him to rub your pulsing core against his covered cock, feeling him hardening and growing stiff under the heat of your desire. A deep groan comes rumbling from his chest before he gives one tight grip on your waist, holding you right in place as he moves his hips, reciprocating every motion you make while his other hand slides under your nightshirt, finding it easy to slide right in when its hem has hiked up to your hips as you continue riding on his groin. It doesn’t take much for him to find your breasts, continuing where he left off last night without any bra present as a barrier this time as you had opted to sleep without it. His palm feels warm against your mound, and he waits no longer before he begins fondling on your soft flesh, kneading and tugging while his fingers find your hardened nipple and gives you a light pinch.
You release a cry into his mouth, letting his kiss drown your voice. Your body trembles at the way he is playing with your body, the way he seems to find the right rhythm to draw out the delightful sparks of pleasure rising from deep within your core. With your nails buried on his chest, you keep on grinding against his covered cock and pressing hard right where it makes you feel good. You continue to ride the waves, letting them build up and continue to rise until you can feel yourself reaching to the edge, getting closer and closer, already losing balance as your legs are trembling around him.
Feeling how close you are to climax, Namjoon slides his other hand down your shirt, cupping your other breast with his palm and begins to do the same as he did the other. As you press down harder against him, he sucks on your lips harder, giving your nipples a rough pinch to draw your cries, and you can start feeling yourself plunging, flowing over the edge and—
The sound of someone banging on the door makes you both jump. For a moment, everything is spinning and you nearly come tumbling down from on top of him. But Namjoon is quick to catch you. His hands are still hidden beneath your shirt, but he is now holding you by the waist, keeping you still while you are both breathless. You are still feeling terribly flushed and your heartbeat seems to take forever to settle down, even if you can still clearly see the burning need in his eyes when you look at him. His own skin still looks flushed and his lips are swollen after all the biting and sucking you did while devouring them in the heated moment.
Neither of you says a thing to each other, or to even try and respond to whoever is on the other side of the door, until the banging sound returns.
“Joonie, you’re up?” Your father-in-law calls for him from outside, and Namjoon releases a groan. Closing his eyes, he lets his head fall back to the pillows.
“I’m up!”
“Good, I’m driving down to the nearest store to buy some supplies for the grill. You coming? Your dad-in-law is driving.”
Namjoon lets out another groan and pulls you down. He buries one hand in your hair as he holds you to him, pressing his lips on yours for a brief kiss before he whispers, “I have to go. He won’t shut up if I’m not up to help him.”
You open your mouth, but your head is still muddled and everything seems so fuzzy for you to even say much. “Okay,” you simply whisper, nodding your head before letting him help you lie back down on the bed.
“Get some more rest,” he says, brushing his lips against yours as he hovers on top of you. “We’ll continue this once I’m back.”
With those words, Namjoon presses a gentle kiss on your lips, before pushing himself up and leaves the bed. He quickly grabs his pants, getting ready to go just as his Dad comes banging on the door once more. “I’m coming,” he shouts back, though he makes another stop to kiss the top of your head before he makes his way out, keeping the door from opening too wide to hide your flustered state from his father when he slides out the door.
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The moment Namjoon is gone, the entire warmth that you have felt since the moment you woke up just seems to have been sucked dry along with his departure. The silence that falls after also feels too deafening and you find it hard to process everything and understand what had just happened. It feels like you have been dreaming, that nothing is real, and it gets even harder to think clearly and to snap right out of the remaining fog of your desire when you can still breathe in his scent which has been plastered all around you—the pillows, the sheets, even on your hair and skin.
Deciding that it would only get you nowhere if you simply remain there and wallow in your loneliness, you run to the bathroom, hoping that a long hot shower might help clear your head a little before going through with the day. You stay under the shower for a bit longer than you probably should, relishing the running water that does its best to wash away the grime, the remnants of his scent that you still carry with you, and the shadow of his touches on your skin. You feel it slowly washing away the fog that is still muddling your head and the rush of pleasure that seems to linger inside you. Only when your skin begins to wrinkle and the hot water slowly turns cold when you finally step out of the shower, wrapping the fuzzy towel that you find on the sink counter before walking out of the bathroom just in time for your phone to start blaring loudly.
You reach for it and pull it out of your purse, and your heart instantly falls.
Your hand is shaking as you bring the phone up to your ear, knowing that you cannot possibly ignore his calls. Not if you want to have a whole day safe from any interruption. Because you know that he would only continue calling again, and again, until he can get through you. That is just how relentless you know Matthew is as a man and a lover.
You take a deep breath and slowly lowers yourself to sit on the edge of the bed, afraid that you might fall if you don’t. “Hello—?” you can barely get your voice out as you answer the call, but you manage to anyway. A shuffling sound is heard from the other end before you hear him speak.
“Good morning, babe. How was your sleep?”
Matthew’s voice rumbles deep from the phone and your chest twists with guilt. “Morning. It was okay. Really good, actually,” you answer him, before a rush of heat flows to your face at the memory of your sleep—or, better yet, the memory of how you had woken up this morning. The surge of pleasure that you had just washed off suddenly runs through you when you remember how you were riding your husband’s lap, the heat in your body returning full force with need, and you try to shake it off as you focus on your fiancé’s voice.
“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing. “You know I’m glad to see you taking a long break after the past busy month. You’ve worked so hard lately so you needed this break. It must be the fresh air, isn’t it? You’ve always had trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember.”
Letting out a bitter chuckle, your voice grows small when you answer him, “Yes, the fresh air, that could be it.”
Matthew hums into the phone for a moment before he speaks again. “Look, baby. I’m just calling to say I’m sorry. Again. You, uh—you never called me back, so I was wondering if everything is okay.”
No, everything is not okay, the voice in your head sneers at you, making you grimace to think that he had been waiting for you to call him back when he barely crossed your mind. “Right, I’m sorry. I’ve been around my family—” and in-laws, you add inwardly before you continue, “—so things have been overwhelming. I just couldn’t find the right time to call you and talk.”
Once again, your tongue feels bitter with all the lies. Though a part of your excuse isn’t a complete lie this time, when you have been surrounded by your family since you arrived yesterday and Namjoon had almost never left your side. And you obviously could never slip away from Winny to make any phone call in the middle of the family reunion without raising questions. Not even if you would try to make a silly excuse to say that you were to make a call about work.
But there is also a part of you that had been intentionally avoiding him, for reasons that you could barely understand.
Looking back to it now, and then recalling everything that has happened since last night, you wonder if this whole ruse has had something to do with it. Perhaps you had gotten too deep in playing the role as the dotted wife who is returning for the holiday week to be with her husband. Perhaps a part of you enjoyed reliving this part of your life without any disturbance from the real world and from any part of your present life, and you just weren’t ready to wake up from that illusion too soon.
You close your eyes and sigh, barely catching on to what he is saying on the phone with your mind drifting away while he keeps on talking. “—I didn’t want to interrupt your time with your family, but I just need to know if you’re still mad at me. I don’t want us to fight while we’re apart, especially when it’s Christmas.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I was just a bit—busy. But I’m not mad at you, I promise.”
A deep sigh is heard from his side, and he mutters softly, “Good, that’s good,” while you grow tense as you anticipate what he is about to say next. “So—have you had the talk with your parents yet?”
You begin pulling on your towel as you try to think of an excuse. “No, baby. We just got here, remember? Everyone was busy preparing for this trip and then we got caught up in catching up, I could barely share anything and update them about what’s going on with my life aside from stories coming from work. And I told you, my grandmother has been sick, so I didn’t want to steal the stoplight too much from everyone.”
He remains silent as you ramble on, until he finally says, “Maybe I can help.”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I fly there so I can join you? Meet your family while everyone is there? All the preparation for my parents’ Christmas gala is done already and I won’t even have too much to do before the New Year’s Eve party. I think I can slip away a day or two and join you there. That way we can share the news together, what do you say?” He speaks so fast that you can barely catch up to what he is saying, and the moment you do, you can feel your heart pushing its way up to your throat.
“You want to come here?” you ask him, almost stuttering.
“Yes, why not? My family’s jet is available since everyone will be staying here for the event and we can fly back together right after seeing your family. We’ll save up on plane tickets that way, won’t we?”
The more excited he sounds, the more anxious you feel about it. To imagine him coming here, to not only expose your secret past with Namjoon but to also ruin the ruse—you can feel your blood draining while you can barely breathe. You can’t even stay seated with your anxiety rising up. Your head begins to pound as you stand up and begin pacing back and forth in the bedroom.
“Fly—here?” you ask again, wishing that he would start laughing and tell you that he is simply joking. But the only answer you get to hear is, “Yes! I can have it arranged soon. I can fly out there on Christmas morning, and—”
“No, Matthew don’t. You can’t do that.” In your panic, the words simply slip right out of you before you can do anything to stop it, surprising yourself and—judging from the silence that falls from his side—him as well.
“Why can’t I?” he asks you after a beat of silence, the tone of his voice filled with suspicions and you feel the urge to pull your hair out.
Still pacing on the floor, you try to find the best excuse that you can think of to erase every thought he could have about flying here to see you. “Just—this is a private event and my family isn’t as big or as open as yours.”
Lies, lies, all nothing but lies, when you know for sure how welcoming your parents have been to your friends in the past. But how are you supposed to explain to him that he barely exists to your parents? And how the hell would you explain to your family if Matthew just randomly shows up, introducing himself as your fiancé, when they are probably thinking that you are trying to reconcile with Namjoon through this trip? And what about Winny?
All these thoughts keep running in your head while Matthew simply grows silent. You don’t have to see him to know the gears in his head are turning at the same time, and you suddenly despise the fact that you are somehow engaged to a lawyer. And a damn talented one at that, you have to admit, when you have witnessed him time and time again exposing frauds and terrible liars in courts.
“Is there something wrong about me seeing your parents?” he questions you, sending chills down your spine with the accusing tone latching onto his voice. “We’re getting married anyway, aren’t we? I’d eventually have to meet them and introduce myself.”
“Yes, I know, but—” You close your eyes and try your best to control your breath. Remember, he can expose your lies and pick up on an uneven tone so easily, you remind yourself as you try to calm your nerves and make sure to stay collected as you speak to him. “Can’t we do it next time? Maybe when it’s not the holidays or on any other private occasion. I just don’t want to overwhelm my parents or my grandmother with so much going on already.”
A faint sound of someone talking is heard passing right in front of your door and you briefly stop, moving further from the door before you can continue.
“It’s not that I don’t want to introduce you to everyone, it’s just—The timing wouldn’t be right. I just—I need to ease this thing to my parents.”
“Is that so?” he asks you, and it is obvious that he isn’t buying it. “There’s always something, isn’t it?” His voice sounds harsh as he says this, making you flinch at his tone, knowing that you have made him grow angry at you again. “Seriously, what is the matter with you? Is there something going on that I need to know about? Did you meet someone and suddenly have a change of heart? Because you’ve been acting strange and distant since you went back home and it’s like I can’t talk with you so I don’t know what to think!”
Shaking under his wrath, and to how close he had come to the truth, you reach out to grab the backrest of the nearest chair and hold on tight. “I’m sorry. Things are just too complicated right now, and I can’t really tell you anything.”
“Right, of course,” he says with a sneer. “Well, you know how to contact me when you’re done being so—so aloof and when you’re ready to tell me what the fuck is going on with you.”
With those last words, Matthew ends the phone call. The sound of the final click makes you flinch and it makes your breath hitch at the finality of his words and the way he ended the call. You have grown used to seeing him getting emotional, letting his anger and frustration show, but it feels different when you are on the other end of it.
And it makes it even harder for you not to crumble because you are the guilty party.
Dropping down on the chair, you place the phone away with shaking hands. All so suddenly, you feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath you and there is nothing stopping you from falling. There is nothing stopping you from being pulled and awakened from the illusions that you had let yourself drown in.
Dropping your head into your hands, you chastise yourself and let all the dread of guilt wash over you.
You shouldn’t have agreed to be a part of this ruse. Or, at least, you should have kept your head firmly on your shoulder instead of getting drawn into the moment. You should have said the hell with it and insisted harder on Namjoon to sign the divorce papers so you wouldn’t have to worry about getting your secrets exposed if—and when—Matthew decides to register your marriage legally.
Your mind flies back to what had happened between you and Namjoon last night, and what had occurred this morning, only less than an hour ago, and you feel like you need to smack your own head so you could get your act together.
What were you thinking, making out with Namjoon like that after all the talk about letting go and moving on? How can you let yourself lost in his touch when you had sworn to yourself that you would never fall for his charms and that you would never forget what you had come all the way back here for?
Taking a deep breath, you muster every will to snap your head back into place and out of the illusion of the life that you had let go of a long time ago. This part of your life had been lost, and whatever you had thought you felt with Namjoon since you had gotten back had been nothing but a broken piece of your memory forcing itself back into your mind, nothing but an illusion.
Perhaps you have grown too comfortable in this situation, letting yourself get tempted to the alluring part of your past that you had wished you still have, but now it is time to face reality and to get your focus back on track, to remember your purpose.
Finish the whole charade, keep Winny happy for a little while longer, and then have Namjoon sign the papers so you can be free, you remind yourself, repeating those words in your head until they sink in. Because there is nothing left for you here but a fleeting dream, while you have your entire life waiting for you, away from this place, and—most certainly—far away from him.
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For the rest of the day, you try your best to avoid being alone with Namjoon.
You still play your part for as much as you need to whenever you are among the others, though you let Namjoon run the show as he openly shows his affection, giving you light touches and kisses while mingling with the rest of the family. But the moment the act is done, you will try to put a distance between you, always evading him whenever he tries to come close without anyone watching and finding excuses to slip away whenever he is trying to pull you aside.
It had taken you nearly all morning to get your act together, and it helped that he was gone for a long time as he went to join the rest of the men on their shopping trip to the nearest store. Then everyone’s excitement during the outdoor barbecue feast had managed to give you the escape you needed, when Namjoon kept being pulled away to help tend the grill while Winny kept insisting that you would stay with her the entire time.
It isn’t until after dinner when he finally manages to catch up with you just when you are about to slip away to find shelter out on the porch, thinking that perhaps you can wait out there until Namjoon would fall asleep before you can return to your bedroom to avoid anything untoward to ever happen between you. But you should have known that it hadn’t slipped his attention that you have been steering clear of him the whole day and is just about to try to escape him yet again.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” is the first thing he says when he catches you moments after you slip out of the door. “Is there something wrong? What happened?”
Not expecting to have him ruining your escape plan and finding yourself somehow out here all alone with him, the words simply die down on your tongue. You open your mouth, ready to launch some random excuses to slip away from him when Namjoon comes approaching you with a determined look in his eyes. There is also something else in his eyes that makes you stop before you even try to evade him—a mix of wariness, curiosity, and a hint of despair—as if having you slipping away all day and giving him cold shoulders have been affecting him more than you had thought it would.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” is the only thing you can say to him, though it is clear that there is no use of you to act so aloof about it when he simply responds with a scoff.
“Right,” he says with a bitter chuckle. “Don’t play dumb with me. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”
Namjoon has come so close that he is looming over you, keeping his voice low enough only for you to hear. His looming presence and his deep rumbling voice make you feel so little, cornered, and you lean back to the railing on the edge of the porch to hold on, trying to make yourself tall as you return his intense gaze with your own. “What is going on inside that brilliant head of yours, Baby Doll? What game are you playing with me?” he slowly questions you, and his words snap something inside you.
“There is no game,” you hiss at him just as you hear the sound of laughter ringing from inside the lodge. Looking over his shoulders, you make sure that there is nobody passing by this area to find the two of you having this face off. God knows what would cross their minds if they should ever find you out here together like this.
“You must have thought you have been so slick to avoid me and that nobody would notice. But even Winny caught on to your act and she’s been asking me if you’re feeling okay,” Namjoon says with a sneer, while you grimace, realising just how terrible you have been at pretending after all.
With a frown on your face, you look up, finding Namjoon looking at you, no longer with the sneer or annoyance on his face, but more of a concern. “Something happened while I was gone, hasn’t it?”
“Nothing happened. It’s just—” Your mind flies back to the phone call that you had with Matthew, to being the receiving end of his anger, and you pull back just when Namjoon lifts his hand to touch you. “Maybe I just realised that this—whatever it is that’s been going on between us—is wrong.” Shaking your head, you look up into his eyes and plead, “We just can’t—I just can’t have it happening again. I can’t allow it.”
Namjoon scoffs. “You won’t allow it? Always have to be the one to make the rules, don’t you?”
The condescending tone in his voice feels like a knife piercing through your chest. You can barely hold back from pushing him off when you lift your chin up to respond to him. “I thought all we had to do was play a role? To act only when we have audiences watching us? Not to do something like—” You stop just as the image of you kissing him, touching him, letting him bring pleasure through your body comes flashing through your head and your whole skin flushes, and it is somehow making you feel even angrier that you had even let yourself lost in that moment in time that your voice comes out as a hiss when you continue, “Not to act on it while we’re alone. Not to lose control when we’re—”
When we’re not supposed to. When we have a time limit.
The words simply remain inside your head when it suddenly feels too painful for you to say them out loud.
“Lose control? Is that all it ever was?” he questions you, though it sounds more like he is wondering these words out loud. Placing his hands on either side of you, he leans closer, caging you against the wooden railing behind you as he lowers himself, getting close to your face.
“I’m going to ask you again, what the hell happened with you? Why all the sudden change? One minute you were okay with everything and it was obvious that you wanted it to happen, and then you suddenly act like you just can’t get away from me fast enough and now you’re off rambling on as if you didn’t want me too.” Namjoon asks you, before he lifts one hand, reaching up to brush away the hair that has fallen on your face when you were getting too emotional. He moves his fingers ever so gently, and yet you can still feel his knuckles brushing gently across your skin. The featherlight touch brings a shudder through your body, and it doesn’t slip Namjoon’s attention when he could feel it, even if it only happens for such a brief moment.
“Tell me you feel nothing when I touch you like this,” he whispers to you as he brings the tip of his fingers down, tracing an invisible path down the nape of your neck.
Almost instantly, your body comes to life. The light touch he is giving you simply lights up your senses, the shudders feel so delightful, and the pull between you simply strengthen itself that it would be so easy for you to simply give in to it and let go.
But this is wrong, your conscience speaks, snapping you out of it that it helps you muster enough strength to grab him by the wrist and stop him before he can go on.
“No, we can’t do this. You need to remember why I came here in the first place and why we’re doing this,” you whisper as you push him away while shaking your head. While your reaction and your words seem to light something else inside him that his eyes only grow hard, and his words—that had been enough to draw you to him and had managed to break the walls that you had built between you—now suddenly sounds vindictive, taunting, coming at you like a jab to your gut when he says,
“You can’t or you won’t? Tell me what you feel when you’re with me. Tell me you feel nothing.”
In an instant, everything that you feel for him changes. It feels as if he had just ripped the band-aid that has been present to hide your wounds and what comes out of it is vicious, filled with all the pain that you had buried, laid almost forgotten, and now coming awake just as strongly as the desire that you have felt for him ever since he had first brought it back up from your cold heart, and it gives you enough strength to push him away, severing the pull that has kept you blinded from all the painful memories that were left from the moment he had stomped all your dreams and your heart into nothing.
“Fuck you, Namjoon. You don’t get to say these things to me or even had the audacity of asking me about my feelings when you were the one who pushed me away and broke us apart,” you cry out as you keep pushing against his chest in your anger. The sudden burst of your rage renders him speechless at first, before he snaps,
“Are we going to talk about that now? About what happened years ago? Is that it?” He begins seething with anger, though you can see the hurt in his eyes. “Well, let me remind you that I wasn’t the one who left and gave up on us,” he says, pointing at you. “You were the one who walked away.”
His words feel like a slap right on your face and you can no longer hold everything back. “You broke up with me,” you nearly scream to his face, not even caring if there is anyone inside the lodge that can hear you as you continue to face him, letting the hurt inside you reveal itself for him to see. “You were the one who said that there was no point for us to even try to go on, that it would be better for me to just go and leave you behind. That was what you said to me!”
“I thought that was what you wanted…!”
“What I wanted was for the man that I loved with every-fucking-thing that I had to fucking fight for me!”
This time, Namjoon is the one who looks as if your words had slapped him right on his face. The moment he speaks again, his voice sounds small, and broken, as he can only whisper, “I never gave up on you.”
The fight simply leaves you after hearing his words and once you are done pouring out everything that you have kept to yourself for a long time. Except that it only leaves you with one simple question that you have yet to find the answers to.
“Why did you keep sending me back the divorce papers?”
Say it. Please, say it. Tell me that you have been waiting for me. You silently beg, and beg, only realising now that these are the exact words that you have been waiting for him to say to you.
But Namjoon remains silent, keeping his eyes away from you still. Instead, all he does is clench his jaw and he begins shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter,” is the only thing that Namjoon says to you. His eyes no longer hold the same warmth and longing that you had seen in them merely moments before when he looks at you, as if he is withdrawing from you again. You can feel him putting up a barrier as he protects himself from the tremors coming from the pull that is still tethering you together.
“I’ll sign the papers. You’ll be leaving this weekend, right? I’ll give them back to you in the morning.”
With that, Namjoon turns away and goes back inside, leaving you standing there all alone on the porch, with your heart still bleeding out from the pain that he had ripped open and your tears still running down your face. He never returns for the night to sleep in your shared bedroom, while having your heart torn out has left you exhausted, completely drained that you easily fall asleep the moment you find solace in your bedroom.
Completely on your own.
Only to wake up the next morning to find the divorce papers resting on his cold pillows, marked with his signature right at the bottom of the page.
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The rest of the day simply floats by. Though you cannot really say that things are going smoothly as they had been for the past two days. It feels more as if you are walking through a thick pool of gelatine, wading heavily through the surface as much as you can without being swallowed down to the bottom.
At the same time, your body seems to be moving on autopilot, and it helps you to play your role well despite the numbness you are feeling within. You can still find a way to smile, to laugh at any random jokes, to nod whenever you need to, though you can barely listen to what people have to say.
When you finally saw Namjoon again during breakfast, he had managed to act out as if nothing has changed, so you were determined to play your part the way he could. Even if it takes a lot for you not to grimace at his touch or to flinch whenever he kisses you or when he presses his lips on your temple the way he always would in the middle of a conversation with Winny.
You are having so much trouble keeping it up together that it barely registers to you that tonight would be the highly eventful Christmas dinner. The night where you are supposed to be filled with joy. Where you are supposed to embrace the moment while being surrounded by the people that mean to you the most—and yes, that obviously includes Namjoon—and yet, you can barely feel a thing when it feels like every part of you is slowly crumbling. That for some reason, you are left as nothing but a shell, present but completely meaningless, as if it wouldn’t matter if you are no longer a part of this picture-perfect moment.
You do, however, take as much time as you can get to record all of this into your memory. Taking in everyone’s presence, their expressions, their stories, keeping this night as something that you will cherish for the rest of your life. Watching everyone sharing all the love and the bond that has been there for years, you realise what you have missed out on for a long time. You know that there is no use to dwell on the past, but you try your best to picture this as something that you can possibly reach again in the future.
One day, perhaps, after all of this ends.
And only if everyone would forgive you for what you are about to do.
It isn’t until in the middle of the dessert, when your uncle suddenly stands at the end of the table with his best friend, Bernie, and they both start belting out the Christmas Carol when you reach out to grab Namjoon’s hand, surprising him for a moment when you give him a squeeze until you turn to smile at him. His eyes are wide when he sees how relaxed you are, not seeing the way your mind is working hard to plan out just how you are going to give this story an end. And then you start to join the duo, keeping the smile on your face as you look at him, encouraging him to join in as everyone else are singing along.
You can feel Winny’s eyes on you as she sits right on your other side, and you find her watching you with glossy eyes. So you reach out, grabbing her hand with your free one, creating a bond between the three of you to share this moment. Even if it is only for one last time.
You return to an empty bedroom once dinner is long over, everyone has retreated to their rooms earlier after their bellies are full with the sweet desserts that Winny and your mother had made and all the alcohol that was present on the table.
Once again, Namjoon has chosen not to join you in your room, disappearing somewhere in another part of the lodge as he tries to avoid you.
This time, you find it hard to go to sleep. Not that you ever plan to do so anyway. And not when you can still feel his presence on the empty side of the bed, as his scent still lingers even when the sheets have grown cold.
Each time you close your eyes, you can still see those moments inside your head. You have tried so hard to deny it before, but being with him did make you feel everything. The comfort, the desire, the raw carnal need that you had never felt with anyone else the way you did with him. And now that your mind and body remember perfectly well what it is like to be with him, to be in his arms and to feel his love, you know that there is no turning back.
Being with Namjoon after going through all the pain many years ago now feels dangerous. Disastrous—that would be the only way to describe it, because why else would you end up losing control like that when you are together, or to be acting like teenagers who are completely helpless against the desire coursing through your body. It makes you completely reckless—just like how he managed to pull you onto his lap after dinner at the back porch, going completely out of bounds as you kept going at each other, practically clawing each other skin in the process of tearing out your clothes without any care of your surroundings. Or just like the other morning, when you were riding him without a care as if it had been something that you had always done.
The tension coming from those short, heated moments still lingers in your body, making your skin feel hot and tight even when you are far away from him and when he is no longer in sight. Rubbing your hands up and down your bare arms, you take a seat right on the edge of the bed, trying to find solace until the tremors in your body would start to subside.
Except that you quickly realise that it would be impossible for it to happen when you realise that the tremors are coming from deep within your chest.
“I’ll sign the papers.”
If it had been years ago, if it had happened before you joined him on this trip, perhaps you would have felt relieved, pleased to finally have what you have been waiting for. To have your freedom. To finally have your life back. To gain a chance to decide on your future without constantly being haunted by him and the memory of your history together.
But as you wrap your arms around yourself, the only feeling that you have now is nothing but agony, despair, sadness, and it takes you a while before you realise that what you are feeling is your heart breaking into pieces, realising only now that the shackles that you had thought to be the one holding you back from your happiness had in fact been the only thing that has been holding you up and keeping you together from falling apart. Now that you are about to become free from it, there is nothing stopping it from having your entire world and the life that you had created for yourself from falling apart.
Realising all of this, you find yourself determined to start working on your plan. Rising from the bed, you walk around the bag that you have packed earlier this afternoon and reach out to find your phone, setting it up on the table near the windows so you can have better reception.
It takes a while for the call to come through, and then suddenly his face comes to the screen.
“Hey there, stranger,” Matthew’s smile comes beaming from the other end, and it brings a similar smile to your face.
“Hey, just calling to say Merry Christmas before you get too tired.”
He chuckles softly when he hears this, before answering you softly, “Merry Christmas, babe. How was the family dinner?”
“It was great,” you answer him. “It was amazing, but it probably wasn’t any close to yours. Did the Christmas Gala go on well?”
Matthew nods, and pride comes to his face when he begins sharing with you about his wonderful night with his family and the important people that had been invited to the event. It appears that a lot of people had come from every part of the city just to attend the night. Something that isn’t too surprising knowing how important his family is to the city. With his parents being high ranked politicians while he and his siblings have slowly become successful lawyers following on their tracks. Had that been the reason why you were so drawn to him? The alluring world and the glamorous life that he could offer you that had somehow seemed to be the answers to your dreams?
You can see him still wearing his tuxedo for the night, and you admire his handsome look, even if you had seen it when he sent a photo of him wearing the tux before the gala had started. Seeing that he has yet to change, it shows that the event had only ended not too long ago and he had just returned to his penthouse.
“That sounds marvellous. Are you exhausted? You seem like you’re still glowing for some reason.”
Matthew laughs. “Just the Christmas spirit, babe. I just feel sorry that you weren’t here with me. You would’ve looked amazing if you had come with me in your pretty dress.”
His words make you smile, before you feel your guilt rising slowly, reminding you of what you need to do to make things right. “Seeing that you’re now home, I was wondering if we can talk?” Your heart starts to pound even before you can say anything, but you know that you need to get through this. That you need to do this now before it would be too late. “There’s something that I need to—say. A lot of them, actually.”
“Right, right,” Matthew says, nodding his head with a knowing look on his face, just as his beaming smile slowly fades. You can see him taking a seat, resting back on the sofa that you have grown familiar with after spending many nights there with him. He rubs his palm down his face with a sigh, before looking back at you through the screen again with an intense look in his eyes and says,
“Perhaps you can start by explaining to me about the request you made through our affiliates, Jeon and Partners, before you had to leave, when you had them draft a divorce statement for you, listed under your name.”
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It feels like forever before midnight comes to pass.
Throughout the night as everyone in the lodge descends into their slumber, retreating to their rooms one person at a time with the anticipation of waking up to the bright Christmas morning, you remain in your room, waiting, until the only thing you can sense beyond that door is silence. It doesn’t take much for you to sneak into your uncle’s room and use the drunken state that he is in to coax him into lending his truck. With the keys clutched in one hand and your packed overnight bag on the other, you move carefully through the night, making your way downstairs without making so much of a noise that could possibly wake everyone up and ruin your plans.
As you continue to make your escape and slip out through the side door heading to the parked vehicles, the conversation you had with Matthew earlier continues to replay itself in your head. After the last fight you had with him, he had grown so curious to figure out why you have been acting so strange that he had gone digging around to find what you had been secretly hiding from him.
The moment he revealed to you that he had found out that you had filed for divorce to someone else through an affiliate law firm, your heart had instantly plummeted. But then as you finally told him everything, making him understand your situation and why you had to do what you are about to do, the only thing you feel after was—relief. It had been the first sign that showed you that you were on the right track. That you are doing the right thing.
The only thing for you to do left is to walk away from this. Because you can no longer lie to everyone and there is absolutely no place for you here. Not anymore. At least, not until you can—
“So that’s it? You’re going to leave again?”
You are only a few steps away to reach your uncle’s truck when you hear his voice. For a moment, the thought that perhaps you are imagining it comes across your head. But then you turn around, finding him standing there on the side porch while keeping its lights turned off.
As if he had been waiting, lurking in the dark.
As if he had predicted this.
He remains silent as he makes his way to you, walking in slow, long strides with his head held high and his eyes locked on you. Stopping only two steps away from you, his eyes fall on the overnight bag you are carrying in your hand and his jaw clenches tight.
“You’re really leaving,” he says, before his eyes find yours.
“I—I have to,” you can barely choke out the words, suddenly feeling so small under the scrutiny of his gaze. Shaking your head, you dare yourself to look at him in the eyes to plead to him. “I’ve made a mess of things and I’ve only made it worse by coming here. You know I can’t stay. I’m so sorry.”
You turn away just then, only to have him stopping you. Catching you by the wrist, Namjoon pulls you back so that you are facing him. The hardness in his eyes is no longer present when you look up at him, though you still have no idea how to read the expression he is wearing.
He says nothing for a moment, just taking you in, then he pulls you closer to him ever so gently while murmuring, “Don’t go.” His request catches you by surprise, but it is nothing compared to what he says next. “You asked me to fight for you?” he asks, taking your other wrist into his hand as he gently peels the car keys out of your clutch. “Here I am. Don’t go. Don’t leave.”
Startled, your head falls back as you release a bitter laugh. “Oh, God. Namjoon—” You blink away the tears that are threatening to fall. You have been hoping that you could have a chance to keep it together until you can reach the town, or perhaps once you are back home, before you can have your breakdown. So much for your plans, you wonder while shaking your head.
“I can’t stay. You know I can’t,” you finally tell him. “I can no longer look into Winny’s eyes and not feel guilty for pretending to be someone I’m not, to play a role of the person who has no place here.”
Namjoon lifts your chin up with his gentle fingers, and he makes you look up to meet his gaze before he speaks. “That’s not what I saw when you were sitting there at the dinner table with us, singing along with Bernie and your uncle no matter how out of tune they were and laughing at my Dad’s corny jokes,” he says with his lips curling to a small smile. You are lost in the depth of his gaze to realise that he has not only stolen the keys away from you but he has also pulled your bag away, throwing it to the ground before he takes your hand in his.
“That’s not what I saw when you were holding my hand or when you are with Winny, tending to her needs and listening to her stories,” he says, bringing your hand to his lips. “This is where you belong, _______. You are home. You belong here with us. With me.”
He lowers his head as he says this, but instead of brushing his lips on your face or lips, he presses a kiss on the top of your head. At this point, you are slowly losing every bit of resolve that you still have, already forgetting everything that you had been planning to do.
His words serve like an enchantment, filling your head so easily to replace every thought, every doubt, and it becomes so easy for you to simply lean into it and embrace the way his request is making you feel when you have been waiting to hear those exact words to come from him for years. It had taken you so long to admit this, but you had never truly stopped waiting. You had done all you could to relinquish the hope you ever had for finding your way back to him again, only to have the memory of your broken heart stopping you from ever trying to reach out to him again.
“Stay,” he whispers softly as he buries his nose between the strands of your hair. “Don’t go.”
As you lean into him, he flattens one hand on your back, letting it drift slowly upward until his palm comes to the base of your neck. He continues to brush his nose gently across your hair, breathing through the strands while pressing his mouth to kiss your hair, with each kiss drawing a shiver through your body.
Your hand grips onto his shirt then, though you are not quite sure whether you want to stop him or to urge him to carry on. “Namjoon—”
“Sshh—” he murmurs against your hair, then his fingers find your chin, lifting your head gently to look at him again just when you try to avoid his gaze and pull away. He pulls your face towards him, letting his lips dance over yours ever so gently with a hesitant kiss.
For a brief moment, you make no move to return the kiss, still too stunned and still feeling too vulnerable against the turmoil happening inside you. As always, Namjoon manages to bring back all the emotions within you, and it takes you a moment to be able to process them all together, to let the last bit of your restraint crumble, and you begin to press against him, kissing him back gently until you both begin to let go.
He hums his approval as he kisses your lips before he pulls back. With his hooded eyes on you, he grips the back of your neck and tilts your head back. The hold he has on you feels firm, and yet he remains gentle as he is pressing his mouth on your furrowed brows, your temple, and then on your eyelids as your eyes are beginning to flutter close to his gentle kisses, before finally dipping down to find your lips.
Your fingers tighten on his shirt, and your mouth falls open against his to welcome him. And almost instantly, the kiss goes from a soft and gentle caress to a dominating one, growing hot and needy in less than a second, and you can feel his hunger taking over him as he slides his tongue into your mouth. As you are submitting to him, opening yourself up to the searing kiss and the touches of his fingers on your body, your own hands come reaching up to start clawing on his shirt, wishing it gone so you can feel the connection that you have with him through every delicate touch of your skin against his.
You have no idea what is happening to you. It is hard to explain why you cannot seem to keep your head on straight when you are in his arms. It feels like your body simply comes alive while also losing its will to run when he is holding you like this. It should be wrong to relish on this delightful feeling, when you had only come here in the first place in order to end this instead of coming back to it. But there is also something so right to be with him again. All the things that he makes you feel and everything that you share with him feel completely different from anything else that you had ever experienced. Though it is not as if you have truly experienced a lot when it comes to relationships and men.
Namjoon had always been the only one. From the only boy that you had ever loved to the only man that you have ever been with. Even if you have made up your mind to move on, to be with someone else, you have slowly realised that whatever you had with Matthew could never compare to what you and Namjoon have shared for years. And every memory of what you felt when you were with him is definitely worlds apart from the kind of feelings that Namjoon is able to ignite in you so easily with his touches.
Namjoon bites your bottom lip in the middle of the kiss, snapping you right out of it and makes you both pull back from the heated kiss. Both of you are breathless, the air between you curling with a thin veil of white fog, and there is no doubt that both of your bodies are burning with need. But neither of you make a move to come apart any further, keeping your hands on each others’ bodies to hold on and your mouths are still hovering against one another.
“Tell me you’re staying,” he whispers against your lips. As if the way you are kissing him has yet to serve as the answer that he needs to hear. And he simply needs to hear it, to have you say the words out loud.
But you find it hard for you to speak. Both from being so breathless still and for feeling the fear that you might be giving the wrong answer. Suddenly, you are no longer sure just where you are leaning into. A part of you still wants to flee, to protect yourself from the past heartache and the possibility of having to go through all of it all over again. While another part of you finds home in his embrace, and there is nothing that your soul wants more than to return to a place where you truly belong.
“I can’t—” you begin to answer, only to stop when you have no idea what to say. You simply cannot decide which path to take as of this moment, when everything seems to be crumbling just the way it did the day you left this town 3 years ago. But then you reach up, resting your palm on his face as you look straight into his eyes, finding the love that had been the reason for you to live, coming from the man who had once been your strength and your weakness, and everything inside you breaks apart. “Namjoon—”
You know that he can see it in your eyes as it happens, when he can see the pain in your eyes that is too stubborn to leave. Then he is suddenly looming over you, pushing you back towards your uncle’s truck until you can feel the hard ridges from the vehicle pressing against your back. You cannot really tell whether it is coming from his rage for seeing your inability to let go of the past or simply a part of his presence, but he sets your body on fire without even laying a single touch of his hand.
“You don’t have to leave,” he whispers, suddenly pressing so close to you as he pins you back against the truck that you can feel his chest vibrating with his deep voice.
“I have to,” you choke out, though you are starting to feel yourself giving in.
“No one said that you should.”
You continue to shake your head. “It won’t be right if I stay any longer,” you mutter softly, more to yourself than to him, but Namjoon takes it as something that you are throwing at him just to have a reason to walk away.
“Says who?”
“Namjoon, I—” You stop and look at him. Your eyes find his, finding the pain emitting from within their depths, and it is enough to make you question things. But you need to get things out of your chest and make him see it. “What we’ve done, what we’ve been doing—That kiss under the mistletoe, that was a part of an act, a show, but everything else that came after—” you shake your head at him. “It was wrong. We were wrong. We shouldn’t have let things gone so far.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” Your breath hitches just as the twist in your chest returns. “Namjoon, I said yes. I was already engaged to someone else.” You bite your tongue to avoid telling him the truth, that even if you leave today, you may not have anything to come back to. Not after that last conversation that you had with Matthew and how he had reacted to the news.
But instead of yelling at you, Namjoon simply looks at you with a deep gaze that has yet to waver. “You’re still my wife,” he says, with a tone that you can barely decipher, though you can still feel him laying claim on you with those words.
“Do you love him?”
His question surprises you. You open your mouth, only to close it again when you cannot find the answer. Do you really love him? Have you ever truly felt anything for Matthew? Or do you simply love the idea of having someone admiring you, loving you, chasing you to the end of the earth with a promise of forever?
The promise that Namjoon had once given you, and apparently he had kept without you knowing any of it. All of a sudden this thought comes into your head, sneaking in when least expected. It may have gotten inside your head ever since you started seeing this new part of him, to know all the things that he had been working on and the reason behind all of it.
But you still have to return, you remind yourself that you would still need to resolve things with Matthew face to face, to be able to have an actual conversation that a simple video call couldn’t provide so you can explain yourself properly. And you also have your job. The career that you have built for many years, waiting for you to return. Even if you know that things would certainly change now, because there is no way you could possibly return to work in the same place with Matthew. Not after what you did.
“One day,” he says, stopping you before you can say anything. “Just stay here with me one more day, and you can decide tomorrow if you still want to leave or if you want to stay for another.” He stops to take a deep breath, before adding with a small voice, “If not for me, then—”
You grimace when you suddenly remember.
Your eyes flutter close when a pinch of guilt comes to your chest. Would you really have done it to Winny, to just walk away and leave without saying goodbye? After everything that she had done for you?
You open your eyes again. And the first thing that you see when you look at him nearly knocks the air out of your chest. In his eyes, you see something that he had never truly shown you before. Something that you cannot remember ever seeing before.
You see his vulnerability. You see his pain. And suddenly, you question yourself if there is really something true in the words that he had given you before.
“Did you mean it? What you said before—?”
He frowns. “About what?”
“That you—” You stop, not sure how to approach this without having him pulling away from you again. Not sure how much it will break you if he isn’t giving you the answer that you want to hear. “That you never—”
“I never gave up,” he immediately answers before you can question him properly. “Never really did.” His deep gaze softens as he releases a deep sigh. Then you can see his guilt as he looks at you, before he covers it by resting his forehead on yours. “I wanted to race out there and fight for you the moment I realised that I was nothing without you and that I shouldn’t have pushed you away. But I knew that it wouldn’t be right for me if I had simply begged you to come back when you were finally getting everything you wanted.”
Once he stops talking, you find yourself exhaling a relieved sigh. Hearing his words doesn’t erase the pain that you had gotten from the past, but it does make your heart swell. And it changes the way you are seeing him even further. He is still silent as he gives you a chance to process this, making no move to touch you or to walk away, until you push yourself up on your tiptoes and press your lips on his.
“One day,” you whisper softly, finally agreeing. The logical part of your mind is telling you that you are simply agreeing to stay simply because it is late, and there is no way you could possibly drive all the way back to town in the darkness and through the route down the mountains that you can barely remember.
But the other part of your mind is telling you something else. Insisting that you would stay solely because of him. Because you want to see another glimpse of Namjoon that you haven’t seen and all that you have missed ever since you left. And you can tell that you are opening up to him, and opening up to chances, finally giving in to this moment, no matter how hard you have been trying to fight it. And you let him know this when you tilt your face up toward his once again, as if giving yourself to him, but also giving him a chance to take the olive branch that you are handing out to him.
Namjoon seems hesitant at first, not completely sure if you are truly giving things a chance or if you are seconds away from challenging him again. But as you remain defiant, keeping your chin up as he dips his head lower, and then lower, and you make no move to look away or to push him back, Namjoon no longer holds himself back.
You feel like you are in a daze when you feel his lips on yours, still barely recovering after all the revelation that he had just given you. He kisses you gently at first, brushing his lips lightly against yours once, twice, and then pressing slightly harder when he comes for the third. It sure feels like he is still holding himself back, as if he simply refuses to give in entirely. Not when you still refuse to let him see what his kisses and his touches do to you.
As you close your eyes, the pained look that you saw from him earlier comes back to you, reminding you of the pain that you had felt years ago when you walked away from this old town, and it brings back the pain that you felt from losing him then. Just as you lean further against him, you realise that you have yet to heal from that old wound, which explains the need that you keep feeling to protect yourself from having too much hope. You also realise that you have come so close to losing him again tonight, and you would have probably been nursing the opened wound if he hadn’t chased you out from running.
The moment these thoughts fill your head, your body simply reacts. Your chest arches against him while your hands move to reach out to him, fingers tightening on his shirt, pulling him closer and tethering him to you as you take his bottom lip between your mouth and give him a light bite. The pain that you ignite in him snaps him out of it. And all so suddenly, Namjoon loses all control, and he simply lets himself go.
The moment his mouth meets yours again, a growl slips out of him and he pushes you firmly against the side of the truck, pressing his hard body against yours to pin you harder in place so that there is no more chance for you to escape. As his kiss becomes deeper, with him spilling all his need into it, his hands move around you, with one of them resting at the back of your head to hold you still against him while the other comes wrapping around your waist to press you to his chest. You simply melt against him, feeling his heartbeat pacing against yours and your body heat searing hot between you that it could have melted the snow around you if you would let them.
“We need to get inside. Can’t have you out here, you’ll be freezing cold,” he murmurs against your lips, his breath already growing ragged with need, while his touches are growing hot on your skin that not even your sweater can keep you from feeling it.
“Okay,” you whisper against his lips, though there is something in his eyes that keeps telling you that it wouldn’t simply be an act of sheltering you from the cold if you ever let him take you back inside. That he has something else in mind and the moment he can get you someplace safe, to get you to a place that is warm and comfortable, letting you rest would be the last thing in his mind.
You can also feel it in the way he is grabbing your hand and pulling you with him back into the lodge. How he is walking with long, impatient strides, keeping his shoulders straight, it becomes more obvious that he is moving with a goal set in mind. And then he quickly proves to you that you are right when he makes a turn as soon as you are both inside the lodge, moving towards the other side of the ground floor and away from the stairs, before opening a door that he finds downstairs. The next thing you know, he is pulling you into a bedroom that seems to have been left vacant as everyone had chosen all the bedrooms available on the upper floors.
Once you are both inside, Namjoon wastes no time to turn you around and push you against the door right after he closes and locks it behind him. Then his mouth quickly returns to yours, pressing a searing kiss that no longer holds any apprehension, showing you nothing more but lust and temptation and the pure hunger that he has more than once shown you before. What happens next is a flurry of clashing tongues and teeth and lips moulding to one another. His fingers come up to the back of your head, clutching tightly on your hair to hold you in place as he continues to devour your mouth, drawing soft moans from your throat and light shudders all over your body.
With his other hand, he follows the surge of pleasure running down your body, tracing his fingers down your curves while pressing down on your sensitive spots as he makes his way down. Your chest arches as he brushes his thumb over your covered nipple, pressing down hard over the nub that the sweater you are wearing barely feels present. Then he grabs tightly on your waist, pulling you to him and pressing against the small of your back until your hips are connected to his, allowing him to rub the evidence of his desire right against your abdomen, showing you without so much of a word just what you have been doing to him while claiming you as his.
This is everything that you remember of him. The way he takes without any shred of guilt when he presses his lips on yours and his hands are gripping you possessively without giving you any chance to slip away. How he devours your lips with pure hunger, swallowing your gasps, drowning the sound of your moans, and drinking the sounds of your breath until you are nothing but a bundle of flames, burning from deep within with your desire that continues to build up stronger as he lets you feel his own. The way he fists on your hair, entangling his long fingers through each curl and pulling your head back to make you submit to him, giving him access to trail his mouth down the column of your throat and giving him a full reign to control your body. The way he is rolling his hips, pressing the bulge of his arousal against the center of your pulsing need while his mouth continues to devour you.
Namjoon grunts against your skin as he nips at the sensitive spot under your ear, as he has recognised every part of your body that would be able to respond so easily to his touches. Then he slides one hand—the one that isn’t holding you up against him—to reach beneath your sweater, climbing back up the moment he meets your bare skin underneath, and then keeps moving up, until his fingers meet your bra and he swiftly grabs on to it, pulling it down, giving him full access to your breasts.
His hand comes back up, taking one mound into his palm, sending a wave of pleasure down your body as he begins to work on the soft flesh and the hardened nub with his palm and fingers. The wave continues to ripple inside you, rising steadily, moving from where he is touching you towards your pulsing core.
For every single time you are lost in bliss under his talented hands, you keep telling yourself how wrong it would be to give in. Even if he had been right when he reminded you that you are still legally his wedded wife, but years have passed and you still have something left unresolved waiting for you back in the city. But as he continues kissing you, his mouth pressing at the right places along the column of your throat then coming back up to find your lips, his hands touching everywhere while igniting the flame within you, you keep finding it hard to convince yourself to stop, to admit that this is something that you shouldn’t be doing.
How is this wrong, when it is your husband who is touching you? The man who you are still legally married to, both in the papers and under the legitimacy of your vows? And how can you possibly say that this is a mistake, when your heart still beats for him the way it did the day you said ’I do’, and when your whole body would only come awake under his touch?
When his hands are on your waist, pressing and kneading the way he would do it back then while rising you up against the wooden door behind you, you finally realise the reason why it had always felt as if your skin was crawling whenever Matthew touched you. The reason why your body seemed to scream ’this is wrong!’ whenever you tried to make love to another man.
Because both your heart and soul had only been searching for the one they have always meant to be with, and that person is the man who is now lifting you in his arms, carrying you to the bed that is placed right at the center of the room.
With his mouth no longer latching onto yours, you finally allow yourself to look around. The room is dark, with only the soft gleam from the moonlight illuminating the room, but you can still see Namjoon’s desire in his eyes as he gently sets you down on your back, right on top of the plushy bed that has grown cold for being neglected for days.
Under his gaze, your whole body thrums with a sort of carnal desperation. Something that you are beginning to see as a feeling that he might be experiencing as well, when you watch his eyes glinting with lust and pain when he rakes down your body with his gaze, when his chest heaves with all the pent up desire that he seems to have kept buried for a long time, and when his hands seem to unable to stay away, already reaching out to you and touching you with his gentle caress as if he wants to make sure that you are real.
When your hands reach for him, you realise that you share the same desperate need to feel him, to touch and connect to him. All the pain that you felt from the past is beginning to simmer, but it is still present, reminding you how painful it would be to lose him again and how close you had been to let it happen.
As his touches grow bolder, you feel that you are getting just as eager. Your hands begin to tug at his clothes while your mouth keeps meeting his with a passion that you haven’t felt for a long time and matches terribly to his own. Namjoon slips your sweater off of your shoulders, tossing it away to the nearest chair, before tossing his own jacket away to join it. He returns to you in a matter of seconds, then slides his fingers beneath your shirt with a sense of starvation and need to touch your bare skin. You can feel his hunger when his body vibrates right when you are shuddering under his touch, and you can hear it when he lets out a deep grunt while his breath grows ragged the moment your skin connected to each other.
The sound that he keeps making is causing you to grow more impatient, and you begin to tug and pull at his shirt, not even caring about it when you pop out the buttons in your desperate need to take his shirt right off of his body. Namjoon seems to share the same feeling, when it seems like the only concern that he has at the moment is to get you out of your clothes. He keeps tugging impatiently at your shirt while giving you his kisses so recklessly that you can feel your lips bruising with each pressure of his lips on yours. But you care nothing of it, only returning the kiss with your own need, while you do the same as you continue to tug at his clothes until his chest is left bare right at the same time he manages to toss your shirt away.
His eyes instantly fall onto your chest when you come apart, eyes dilating at the sight of your breasts spilling out of your bra after the mess that he had created in the heat of the moment, and the sight carries on to entice him further as your chest keeps rising and falling with your ragged breath. It sends him into some kind of a hungry daze, as his hands absentmindedly reach out for you, all while muttering under his breath, “Beautiful,” before he dips his head, capturing your mouth while his hands continue to mesh, knead, pressing onto your soft flesh and pinching at your nipples until you arch your body against him, feeling the pleasure moving rapidly inside you like sparks of flame licking at your center.
His hands trail down to your waist, cursing under his breath when he finds the waistband of your pants getting in the way. Instinctively, you also curse along with him at your decision to wear them. Though it had been undeniably the perfect decision for you to take before running out into the cold, you hate to admit that if only you had been wearing a skirt, or perhaps the same dress that you had worn during dinner, he would already find his way to be inside of you, to be touching you right where you are pulsing with need.
He doesn’t even try to pull away from the kiss even as he tugs at the zipper on your pants with one hand while he tries to work on his own zipper with the other, all while his tongue keeps dancing and teasing against yours in a way which sends magnificent jolts of need all the way down to your toes.
He stops the kiss as he shoves your pants down to your hips and you help as much as you could—by tearing your flimsy bra and kicking the damn pants and underthings the rest of the way until they are all gone, fallen to the floor before Namjoon climbs back on top of you. By then, you are nearly blinded with desire, and it intensifies the moment he slips his fingers between your legs, finding out just how ready you are for him. The touch of his fingers dancing around your heat draws a soft moan right out of your lips, while he breathes out a sigh of relief, as if your readiness serves as the answer to his prayers.
Instead of taking the chance to continue devouring you, Namjoon pulls back, his fingers retreating from your pulsing heat to shove his own pants down, releasing his cock as he kicks everything away. His pants and boxers fall onto the floor with a heap of a mess, and his hand comes down to wrap his hard length, stroking himself a few times as he bends down on the bed, his mouth finding your bare neck where he presses a kiss onto. At the sound of your whimper, his free hand reaches down between your legs, finding your heat once more. This time, his fingers move rather gentle and slow as he circles around your folds, moving in a steady rhythm as he slowly finds the center, then he dips the tips in, pressing right where your arousal keeps dripping out.
He hums against the nape of your neck as he slowly pushes his way in, dipping his fingers into your heat all the way to his knuckles and grunts as he feels your body shuddering against him. “Fuck, you’re tightening around me, Baby Doll,” he groans deeply, growing nearly breathless as he relishes on the way you are pulsing around his fingers while he continues to stroke himself gently, you can feel him moving against your hips and you raise yourself, inviting him to push himself into you.
Instead, he simply moves his fingers, sliding them in and out of you and rubbing the digits against your pulsing walls while his thumb finds your clit, pressing and circling until the pleasure comes rolling upward and you are left trashing on the bed with the need for release. You can feel the pleasure rising, reaching its peak, but also not quite there. Namjoon can probably feel this too as he gives you a quick peck on the lips before pulling back, suddenly rising and then climbing down the bed. He still has his fingers playing with your cunt, slowly picking up their pace as he thrusts them deeper, pressing right at your sweet spot, before he pulls his thumb away and his mouth latches on in its place.
Everything falls into another flurry of sinful bliss while your body becomes nothing but a bundle of nerve ending as he plays with your body so fluidly—his fingers continue pumping in and out of you, his mouth and tongue taking turns to tease and torture at your swollen clit, sucking and lapping while sometimes he would get his teeth into the mix and brush against the pulsing flesh until you are left trashing and crying with pleasure. There are tears in your eyes at how good he is making you feel and how quickly you are coming over the edge. With your hands clutching on his head, you press your hips down against his face, riding his mouth and hand with a matching pace to the rising pulse of your climax, chasing it with the help of his coaxing words, until you are finally there, as your orgasm comes rolling so intensely there is nothing stopping you from falling over the edge.
Your whole body continues to pulse with the spasms of your climax even as he slowly pulls back, releasing you from his mouth while his fingers are still moving gently around your folds to help you ride it down. Moving ever so slowly, Namjoon climbs his way back up, pressing his hand onto the bed beside you to prop himself over you. He stays there for a moment, watching you closely as you try to control your breath, your eyes slowly opening to him with pure love and lust looking back at him right at the same time you are seeing them coming from his own eyes.
“You can stop me,” he whispers hoarsely. “If you don’t want to do this. If you still want to—”
The words die down on his tongue, and yet you can still see the fear and doubt in his eyes without him ever having to say them out loud. You reach out to him, trembling hands cupping his face, your thumbs brushing to wipe away the remnants of your release that are still coating his mouth and chin even after he had tried to brush them all clean. “Make love to me, Namjoon,” you whisper to him. “Make me feel alive again. You’re the only one who can make me feel.”
There is a hint of relief and a glint of hope in his eyes when he hears your words. With a smile on his face, he turns to kiss your palm, pressing his mouth on one side before turning to do the same to the other. His gentle hands come up, catching your wrists as he begins kissing down on them, then he brings your hands down to rest them above your heads, pressing them down to the pillows before he lowers himself on top of you and quickly catches your mouth in his once again.
“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time, Baby Doll. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers against your lips, drawing your tears out when you realise that you have been feeling the exact same way.
One of his hands comes down, before you can feel the tip of his cock rubbing against your slit. He takes a moment to coat his shaft with your arousal, moving it up and down and then around your clit, making your legs tremble around him, until you feel the fat tip of his cock pressing and nudging at your entrance.
With his mouth pressing down on yours, he swallows the soft cries you are making as he sinks into you, groaning deeply as he feels your wet heat engulfing him, wrapping around his girth. He waits for a moment, only until he can feel the intense pulsing of your walls around him slowly wane down, until your body relaxes beneath him, until his own heartbeat steadies and he no longer has to worry about coming too soon to the pleasure of being buried inside you again after so long.
You throw your head back against the pillows as he begins to move, gently and slowly at first, his deep groans turning into whimpers as he relishes the wonderful feeling of his cock brushing against your walls. He thrusts, and thrusts, moving in and out with a steady pace, and you reach out to him just as he finally releases you so he can hold your hips up to him, your hands clinging onto him, urging him on as your need continues to boil hotter from the depth of your core. The sweet and soft sounds you are making soon becomes the encouragement that he needs, along with the way your nails are beginning to clutch and bury themselves into his skin. He leans forward, kissing you again as your hips begin to rock against each other. The old bed creaks beneath you, but nothing can stop either one of you from rolling your hips, chasing and drowning yourself in the pleasure of his lovemaking, pushing up when he presses down, slowly increasing the pace as the need to chase for climax begins to grow stronger on both of you.
Namjoon continues pounding and thrusting his cock rapidly into your heat while you reciprocate by moving your hips, lifting yourself up to meet each of his thrusts. The emotions piling up from the past few days that you have spent with him are all coming to a head, leaving you both clinging desperately to each other as you try to ease the tension that are still carried by both your bodies and your broken hearts. With a deep groan, Namjoon raises his hands, gripping the wooden headrest right above your head as he keeps on bringing you over to the edge of your bliss, picking up his pace as he puts more force into his thrusts, sending you both jostling on top of the bed. And yet his cock keeps hitting you deep to a point that you are feeling the mix of pain and pleasure meshed together in one delightful bliss.
Soon enough, the waves of your orgasm begin to build up once more, coming to you stronger and faster without giving you a chance to hold back. Your breath begins to come out shorter, the cries of pleasure keeps getting caught in your throat at the force of his pounding, before it comes out higher when the pain slowly descends, leaving nothing but pleasure in its place.
“I love you,” he rasps between his thrusts, wanting you to hear it. And you can see his need to let you know this when he never once looks away as he buries himself deep inside you. “I’ve always loved you and I still do. I never stopped, damn it.”
Your gaze turns up and finds his, only to grow blurry and hazy at the mix of your tears and the rising bliss just as you scream out, “I love you too, Namjoon. Always have.”
And always will.
At the exchange of your words, something within you snaps, and with one single thrust, he pushes you over to the edge, sending you tumbling over to the peak of your pleasure with a loud cry of his name. Your climax comes through you in an intense wave, vibrating from deep inside you and wrapping tightly around him to send him to his own release. A deep groan continues to rumble from his chest as he keeps on thrusting, the movement of his cock turns rapid and messy and filled with the desperate need to reach his end before you feel him swelling, tightening inside you, then he pushes forward and going so deep one last time as he releases himself inside you, filling you up with his cum.
The moment everything stops, Namjoon drops down beside you and pulls you to his chest. He continues to hold you tight between his strong arms, letting you feel his heartbeat without minding the thin veil of sweat building between you. As the remaining spasms of your release begin to wind down, your eyes slowly flutter to close, relishing on the mixture of emotions and the feelings running through your body—the warmth of his embrace, the wet heat coming from his release that is still dripping out of your pulsing core, and the feeling of love fluttering inside your heart.
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Your whole body feels incredibly relaxed, while at the same time, completely sore, by the time dawn comes peeking through the window. And yet, you find there is no need to complain about it when your body is also humming with pure pleasure as you open your eyes and stretch your limbs out beside him.
For the rest of the night after your rigorous lovemaking, Namjoon has shown you just how insatiable he could be when he is with you.
For hours, he had taken you in every position possible for a man to take you. With you on top, riding him while facing him and then facing the other way. With him on top of you, taking you hard and gentle and then with a lazy roll of his hips until you were sent into a slow rising bliss. With you in all fours, as he took you from behind, not even caring how the bed kept making loud noises as it kept on banging against the wall with how hard he was pounding his cock into you until your whole body was trembling with your intense climax. You have lost count on how many times he had made you cum, as he simply kept on going, only giving you a short amount of time for breaks each time before taking you again, as if he was making up for lost time the best he could, showing you what three years of exercising and working out while working hard labour had done to his body and stamina.
As if he had been doing it to prepare for this moment, just to please you like nobody could.
“I did some thinking. You know, after our fight 3 years ago,” he murmurs softly after kissing the top of your head. You have your head resting on his shoulder, while he has his arm around your shoulders, his fingers running up and down your arm absentmindedly to enjoy the silence that had fallen between you. “I knew you were right all along, but I guess I was too stubborn to see it then. Then I went to your graduation, watching you from far away since I had too much pride to join my Mom to sit with your family then. But I was still there to see you taking that step onto the life that you had always wanted, and that was when it truly hit me.”
You instantly look up at his face as you listen to him. It surprises you to hear that he had been there for your graduation, when you had spent the entire night after the ceremony crying over his absence. But you say nothing about this, only staying silent as you continue to listen.
“It took me a long time, but I also realised that just because we lost—” he chokes out as he always does whenever he talks about this, so you rub your hand gently over his chest, soothing him so that he could go on. “It didn’t mean that I—that we had lost a chance to still build our family.”
Sighing, you are filled with both relief and despair to know that it has taken him so long to get to this point. To realise all of this. But you are also glad that he is finally there. “That was what I kept trying to tell you,” you murmur to him while trying your best to keep your tears at bay. “But I had to understand. Our reason to believe that we could be a family at all was because of—of him, our little peanut,” you chuckle softly at the short memory of being a young mother. “So it was hard for both of us to look past that and to see us having a life without him with us. At one point, I couldn’t see it. But all I ever wanted was for us to heal together.”
Namjoon closes his eyes briefly and sighs. And then you can see the regret in his eyes when he looks at you again. “I just didn’t want to hold you back. When I finally realised that I could no longer put my life on hold, I also knew that the only way for me to change things up was to start from the beginning rather than for me to chase your shadow. I reapplied for college once I got back home, finished early, started working with my Dad to learn the ropes, and did everything I could to build everything from the ground up, both literally and figuratively, starting with my own life first, stopping it from crumbling to the ground before I started doing the same to the old buildings in town.”
You push yourself up. “Why didn’t I know any of this?”
Namjoon doesn’t answer you right away, but chooses to bring up your question instead. “You asked me why I kept sending the papers back.”
Hesitantly, you nod your head.
“I wanted to win you back,” he says, his smile never leaving his face. “But first, I wanted to become someone who you can rely on, and I knew I had to prove to myself, to you, to everyone, that I can be someone that you can depend on when the only thing people saw from me was how much I had failed you.”
With a sigh, he lets his head fall back. His eyes looking up to the ceiling but his gaze seems further away as he looks back to the past. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I still blame myself for what happened with—” Again, he chokes, but the pain is no longer there when he looks at you. “But I blame myself more for being stuck inside my head while I was grieving that I completely neglected you, completely disregarded my part as your husband, and as the man who vowed to take care of you.”
He lifts his hand, brushing your hair and tucking it behind your ear gently. “I’m sorry it took me a long time to realise it. I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve done it sooner,” he says, keeping his eyes on yours. “I should’ve been there for you and fought my way back up together with you.”
“You could’ve told me. I would have—” you try to speak, “I wouldn’t have—”
Namjoon stops you by pressing a light peck on the tip of your nose. “It doesn’t matter now anyway, right?”
And then it dawns on you, just as you are reminded of how your Mom had sat you down on that first night you arrived, before everyone came by to join dinner, when she asked you gently to have a proper conversation with Namjoon before deciding to do anything. When she asked you to listen to him. “My parents knew about this.”
Namjoon slowly nods. “They had always been the ones to give me their full support. And Bernie wasn’t lying when he said they all helped. Bernie and your uncle, specifically, have been great partners in expanding my construction business.”
It sure takes a lot to take in. There have been so many changes happening while you were gone, so many things that you have missed. Perhaps you were wrong after all when you had thought that life would simply stop in this place, that it would be impossible for you to expand your life in such a small town where there were so many barriers, so many limitations, and not enough room to grow.
But when you had managed to prove to everyone and the world that it was possible for you to have big dreams and to reach for them by leaving, Namjoon had shown that it was possible to have them all by staying.
“I signed the papers,” he murmurs softly, reminding you about the predicament that you have found yourself in. You close your eyes as your heart pinches under the memory of waking up to find those damn papers.
“I saw.” You open your eyes to look at him and sigh. “I haven’t put down my signature yet.”
“Why?” he asks, and then his vulnerability shines bright in his eyes. “Are you going to sign it?”
“I don’t know anymore,” you find yourself answering him, before the pain in your chest increases and you simply drop down on top of his chest to hold him tight. “I won’t. No, never. I’m going to burn those papers once the sun comes up.” Namjoon’s chest rumbles with a chuckle, though you can still feel him sighing with relief when he presses his mouth on your temple. “I ended it. The engagement,” you whisper to him while keeping your face pressed to his bare chest, afraid of what you might find when you look at him.
Namjoon says nothing at first before you feel him nodding. “I know,” he whispers as he buries his nose into your hair, breathing you in before he sighs in relief.
You raise your head to look up. “What? How?”
He hums softly. “I just—I can tell. And I overheard a little bit of your argument while you were on the video call earlier. I was standing right outside the bedroom,” he admits to you sheepishly. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” you say to him after reading the expression on his face, finding more relief and pride present there instead of remorse. “You’re definitely not sorry.”
A slow smile grows on his face as he dips his head, capturing your lips in his with a whisper, “No. No, I’m not.”
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There was a saying that you read a long time ago. One that said how time flies over everyone, but leaves its shadow behind.
Months have passed since you were reunited with Namjoon. Ever since the holiday week that you spent with him where you were given the chance to revisit your past and to have another look at the life that you had at that moment to find what you had been missing.
The summer breeze comes flowing through, making your dress dance around you as you slowly walk down the path between the guests, surrounded by the familiar faces of your family and friends who have arrived to become a part of this moment.
You make a quick glance over to the seats, your eyes meeting Winny’s, finding her beaming with a smile as she watches you with pride in her eyes. The trip in the winter had done a lot to help her recover, and she had become one of the first people around you to support this day to happen. Everything else had simply fallen in place since—the bar had been expanded to have its own bed and breakfast, Namjoon’s business has risen even faster than what he had ever predicted, as the Mayor’s testimony of his work had spread so fast to the neighbouring town that he had gained even more work, saved even more buildings, and there is nothing stopping him now from blossoming.
And then there is you.
It is certainly funny how life works, how it had chosen to send you into different paths and different kinds of adventures before it finally leads you towards your fairy tale ending.
When you came back home all those months ago, you had thought that you would return to the big city with closure, with a chance to move on with a fairy tale ending. Never once you had ever thought that you would find yourself instead.
Instead of closure, you had found a new beginning, a second chance, and to finally open your eyes to realise that you had already found your fairy tale ending, and you never had to look far to see it. And now you are here, walking towards the happy ending that you had dreamed of for a long time, in the magical moment that you had pictured in your head ever since you were a little girl—a white wedding at the top of the cliff, overlooking the town and the canyons below, with you wearing an ivory dress that sparkles beautifully under the bright sun above.
You look ahead, meeting Namjoon’s gaze as he waited for you at the end of the path, standing not too far away from the edge of the cliff that serves as your final stage. Right beside him is the Mayor, acting as the officiant for this ceremony, a surprise gift that he had offered after finding out about your plans for renewing your marriage vows with Namjoon. The fact that he had offered his service only months after you had officially become his legal advisor was almost too good to be true, but the man had claimed that he owed so much to Namjoon, and then now to you, to take the pleasure of becoming a part of this moment.
You look at Namjoon and smile at him. There are tears in his eyes when you finally reach him. His hands are trembling when he takes yours in his, but the moment your hands touch each other, the only thing you both feel is a wave of calmness, as the bond between you takes over to eliminate all the nerves.
You barely pay attention as the Mayor reads out the written vows that you had prepared for each other, only until the moment he gives you the final question, of promising a forever with Namjoon, both in happiness and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, and nothing can ever set you apart.
You raise your head, looking straight into the eyes of the man who had always been there as a part of your journey, whether or not he was constantly present in every page of your tale. Your husband. Your Prince Charming.
And as you look out beyond the cliff, into the sight of nothingness that also offers you a wide-open space with a thousand of possibilities for your future, you feel as if you are free falling into your new beginning, and you simply take it, knowing full well that he would be there to catch your fall.
“I do.”
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Extra: honourable mention - BM (Matthew) from Kard
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❥ Author’s note 2.0 | Thank you for reading!
❥ Taglist | @hearteuforjoonie — @blue1928 — @jeonmisha — @smitssharon02 — @mini-coop25​ — @sumzysworld — @namjooningelsewhere — @nyamnomnamujoon — @rrrrap-monster — @moonchild1 — @onlythehobi — @secretlypg95 — @girlsforgloss — @kpopstudybee — @mynameis-kim​
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1K notes · View notes
smasmashin · 2 months ago
[18+] Masterlist
🔞 Entrapment: one-shot
Summary: College AU where Jeon Jungkook doesn’t seem like the sharpest tool in the shed, but that doesn’t preclude him from having plenty to teach you.
Pairing: Jungkook x reader
Word Count: 3.5k
Genre/tags: College AU, porn without plot, multiple orgasms, oral sex, size kink, strength kink, mild corruption kink, mild praise kink, mean!jjk, softdom!jjk
Warning: dubious consent
🔞 Combative: one-shot
Summary: Fuck Jungkook or die. That’s it. That’s the story.  
Pairing: Jungkook x reader
Word count: 6.2k
Genre/tags: Assassin AU, porn without plot, friends to enemies to enemies, fuck or die, aliens (seokjin) made us do it, edging, oral sex, multiple x10 orgasms, mild size kink, mild corruption kink, superhuman sex toys, overstimulation, mean!jjk, softdom!jjk
Outtakes: 1
🔞 Captive: 1  2  
Summary: You’ve got your shit together. Smart, sharp, god complex. And then Managing Director Kim Namjoon decides to take you down a couple pegs.
Pairing: Namjoon x reader
Word count: 14k
Genre/tags: Corporate AU, porn with (no) plot, oral sex, spanking, choking, face sitting, anal sex, double penetration, sex toys, size kink, age gap, ~implied corruption kink, ~implied sugar daddy, sub/dom undertones, light bondage, power imbalance, bigdick!namjoon, dom!namjoon, AU where Namjoon has a driver’s license
🔞 Perverse: 1  2  3  4
Summary: You can hear BTS member Kim Namjoon's thoughts. This is something of a problem. Especially as most of them are about your ass  
Pairing: Namjoon x reader
Word count: 3.9k+
Genre: Soulmate AU, porn with (negligible) plot
Tags: voyeurism, oral sex, sensory deprivation, spanking, body worship, bigdick!namjoon, confused!namjoon, stressed/horny!namjoon
Status: ongoing
🔞 Bait: one-shot
Summary: College AU where you are a little needy and Kim Taehyung fucking loves needy.
Pairing: Taehyung x reader
Word count: 2k
Genre/tags: College AU, porn without (any) plot (whatsoever), multiple orgasms, size kink, scheming!kth, softdom!kth, kindmean!kth
🔞 House of Serpents: 1  2  3  4  5-1  5-2  6  7  8  9  10  11  12
Summary: Straight-A student by day, Kim Namjoon’s personal toy by night, you didn’t live a terrible life. At least not until you met his six equally depraved “friends.”
Pairing: OT7 x reader (poly)
Word Count: 34k++
Genre, tags, & warnings (varies by chapter): Mafia AU, porn with (hardly any) plot extremely dubious consent, non-con elements, non-graphic violence, dead dove: do not eat, moral bankruptcy, power imbalance, power exchange, oral sex, multiple orgasms, double penetration, sugar daddy, rape role-play, yandere!jungkook, yandere!jimin, toxic behaviour, size kink, praise kink, possessive behaviour, touch starved, edging, dom/sub undertones, kidnapping, sex tape, somnophilia, shameless smut, gratuitous smut, namjoon has a big dick
Status: ongoing
Outtakes: 1 2
☁️ smut-free masterlist here
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ggukkieland · 2 months ago
📕BTS Fic Reads - 2021 June Pt. 1
I didn’t make a reading list last May since I opted for a compilation of all ongoing fics I’ve enjoyed since setting up my blog/s. This list combines May-June readings and there’ll be a lot 👀.
I am sharing these as usual and if you happen to like the fics in this list, please don’t forget to show appreciation by reblogging the content or giving positive feedback to these authors 🥰. Big thank you to all the authors for sharing these wonderful stories 💖. I’ll have a very busy July so I might not be reading as much (and I already feel bad I’ll be missing some of your stories/updates 😭)
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Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist
🥕 Ongoing - most recent chapter [as of date this list was posted] 🥕 Completed - completed one shots | series 🥕 S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst
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🥕 [Ongoing Series]
↬ Seokjin
Riptide @jimilter - two shot [1/?] | 12.3k | established relationship | a, s
↬ Yoongi
Cyberslut @kimnjss - social media au (smau) with written parts | [19/?] | jock!yoongi, fuckboy au, virgin!reader, nerdy!reader, secret identity, tutor au | f, eventual s, a?
Dance Me to the End… (Of Love) @minloop - series [1/?] | 1.6k | dance au, childhood best friends, but strangers to lovers, hip hop dancer!yoongi, contemporary dancer!reader | a, f,
Desolation @yoonglespringles10 - drabble series [7/?] | 9.4k+ | idol au, divorce au, infidelity themes, exes au | a, f, eventual s?
Domestic Yoongi series @bluewhale52 - series [5/?] | 9.4k+ | husband au, idol au, established relationship, parenting au | f, s
Missed Messages @seokstrivia - smau [13/?] | ongoing | enemies to lovers, falling out, fuckboy au, they really hate each other in the beginning, mixed messages | a, f
The Arrangement @btsslowburnfic - series [33/?] | 95k+ | Arranged Marriage AU, idol/producer Yoongi, HR Namjoon | a, f (I’m reading this on ao3!)
Westerfields Apartments @gamerwoo - series [intro/?] | no wc yet | thriller, mystery, horror? | a
↬ Hoseok
Hope in the Sheets @youarejesting - series [9/?] | 37.5k+ | Best Friend AU, Neighbor AU, Unplanned Pregnancy, Childhood Friends | a, s, f (reading this on ao3)
Kanalia @xjoonchildx - series [1/?] | 8.6k | queen!reader, royal guard!hoseok, historical au, royalty au | a, f, s
↬ Jimin
Parallel Palpitations @joontier - drabble series [1/?] | >1k | doctor au, interns to residents, strangers to lovers, slice of life, part of The Woocheon Annotations | f, a, future s
The Misadventures List @kimvvantae - series [1/?] | 6k | playboy au, rich kid!jimin, convenience store worker!reader, fake dating au, crack/humor | f, future s
↬ Taehyung
Taming the Beast @jessikahathaway - series [2/?] | 19.6k+ | Prince!Taehyung, Royalty AU, sort of enemies to lovers (OC was given to the enemy to save people in the village) | a, f, future s
↬ Jungkook
(he)art thief @latetaektalk - series [2/?] | 23k | heist au, thief!jungkook, art curator daughter!oc, ocean’s 11 au | f, a, implied s
All That Glitters @minyfic - series [2/?] | 15.7k | fuckboy!jungkook, ex-nerd!jungkook, asked for help to woo girls, but ended up 🥺😭, unrequited love, college au, kind of noona | a, s, f  
Blue @honeyedhoseok - series [2/?] | 19k+ | lifeguard!jungkook (but not a lifeguard fic), soulmate au, summer au | s, a
Delivery @bratzkoo - drabble series [2/?] | 2.6k | pizza delivery guy!jungkook, feat seokjin, OC with a crush on JK, crack/humor | f, slight a
Incoming: Elite Chatboy @kookingtae - SMAU with written parts [4/?] | sex worker au, professional sex chat worker!jungkook, client!oc, crack | f, s
Nuisance @seokahwrites - series [00/?] |  1.3k+ | lawyer!jungkook x lawyer!reader, enemies to lovers, vacation au (stuck together thanks to the brilliant assistants *coughs* Seokjin), there’s only one bed trope? | f, slight a
Pen Pals with Benefits @bangtanhome - series [3/?] + drabbles | 31k+ | College AU, Psych project partners, fwb au, enemies to lovers | s, f, slight a
Sanctuary @bangtaninink - drabble series [3/?] | 8k+ | rich kid!OC, heir!OC (Samsung),  fwb au, sort of sugarbaby!jungkook, the others are opportunists too (lol yoongi) | f, implied s  🌷
Smitten @jungshookz - bulleted [2/?] | 12.4k | College AU, Best Friend AU, smitten!oc, crack/humor | f
Superblood Wolfmoon @ironicarmy - series [00/?] | 994wc | werewolf au | a, future s
The Decree @buzzybee - SMAU | ongoing | modern Hogwarts AU, Arranged Marriage, crack/humor | f
Thirst @avveh - series [1/?] | 10.9k+ | supernatural, coworker, thriller, enemies to lovers, vampire hunter, vampire au (OC has doubts about the presence of vampires though) | a, s 🌷
The Unsaid Vow @chinkbihh - series [00/?] | 5.4k | married au, yandere behavior, thriller?, dark themes | a
Under the Oak Tree @mingoyeob - series [1/?] | 3.6k+ | knight!jungkook, royalty au, historical au, arranged marriage, based on the webtoon(manhwa?) | s, a
物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’) @sunshyngal - series [1/?] | wc: ?? (the chapters are short) | a/b/o dynamics, arranged marriage, widower!jungkook | a, s
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🥕[Themed Series]
BTS  Friends To Lovers Drabble Series @ddaengyoonmin
Seokjin - 1.8k | best friend’s brother
Yoongi - 1.2k | bad boy!yoongi, bad girl!reader, roommate au, best friend au
Namjoon - 1.8k | bartender!namjoon, coworker AU
Hoseok - 1.7k | musician au, drummer!hoseok, bandmate au
Jimin - 3.6k | neighbor au, sort of fwb au
Taehyung - 6k | childhood friends au, police officer!taehyung, bad girl/stoner!reader
Jungkook - 8k | swimmer au, strangers to lovers, teammates (read the after story drabble too)
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🥕[Completed Fics/Series]
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Enchanted @hueseok - one shot | 5.6k | hogwarts au, established relationship, husband au, wizard!reader | f, s 🌷
Hammer It Home + companion drabbles @gukslut - one shot | 37k | roommate au, established relationship, domestic au | s, f, a 🌷
House of Cards @/xjoonchildx - series [3/3] | 14.8k | idol!namjoon, staff!reader, forbidden love, mutual pining | f, a, s 🌷
Nerdy FWB Namjoon @1kook - drabble | >1k | fwb au, nerd!namjoon, crack | s 
Or What, You’ll Spank Me? @luxekook - drabble | 1k | agent!namjoon, hacker/informant!reader, criminal minds au, crack | s 🌷
Owned @ibangtanthings - series [12/12] | 47k | arrange marriage (marriage of convenience), fake marriage, ceo!Namjoon, strangers to lovers, assistant!reader | a, f, s 🌷
Soul @herherteartear - SMAU |  bookstore owner!namjoon x jewelry store owner!reader, soulmate au, idiots to lovers | f
Strawberry Milk @seokstrivia - one shot | 4.4k | clumsy!namjoon, slow burn, mutual pining, photography student namjoon (shy namjoon too), painter reader, some sort of Bet AU, College AU | f
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Cherry Blossom Avenue @scriptaed - one shot | 23k | Bestfriend AU, falling out, rich kid!seokjin, arranged marriage (seokjin x another oc), reunion | a,f  🌷
In the Eye of the Storm @7deadlysinsfics - one shot | 11.9k | cardiothoracic surgeon!seokjin x artist!reader, inn au, strangers to lovers, OC getting away from a bad relationship | f, s, a 
Sunrise + Moonlight @luffles424 - two shot | 12.6k | exes au, actor!seokjin, fashion designer!oc, 10 years after the break up | a, f, s
The Act of Persuasion @magicalsalamander - one shot | 20.9k | CEO AU, Hybrid AU, Arranged Marriage, Actress | a, f, s 🌷
Thin Lines @inkjam-moon  - one shot | 12.7k | enemies to lovers, childhood acquaintances, CEO AU, Rich Kid!Seokjin, Office AU | s  🌷
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Bad Boys Bring It To You @yuengi - one shot | 7.1k | PWP, Tattooed Yoongi, Piercer AU, bad boy au | s  🌷
Honeymoon Horrors + Follow Up Ask @jimlingss - drabble | 3.7k | divorce au, vacation au | f, a, (implied s for the “ask”) 🌷
Hunters @crystaljins - one shot | 3k | demon!yoongi, modern fantasy, yoongi on the run | f
If You Can’t Sleep…We Could Have Sex? @thatmultifandomhoe - drabble | 2.1k | boyfriend au, idol au(?),  insomnia au | s
Kiss It Better @jeojahari - series [2/?] | 4.8k+ | College AU, Enemies to Lovers, Soulmate AU, Humor | a, f, implied s 🌷
Life Goes On @seokstrivia - one shot | 3k | arranged marriage, slow burn, OC broke up with boyfriend!Namjoon
Lullaby @bang-to-the-tan - drabble | 2k | soulmate au, hurt/comfort, idolverse | a, f 🌷
Noise Complaints @sugasbabiie - one shot | 3k | neighbor au, hatesex, bad boy!yoongi | s,a
Party Animal @meiadore - drabble | 3.2k | college au, party au, fake dating (very short stint of fake hook up), crack | f 🌷
Replacement @buzzybee - drabble | 1.2k | Butcher!Yoongi, crack | F 🌷
Room 309 @yoon-kooks - drabble | 2k | bad boy!yoongi, pianist!yoongi, college au, rumored room 309 | f
Salted Caramel + Part 2 @jungxk - two shot drabble | 700 | drive thru worker!yoongi, grumpy!yoongi, kind of enemies, crack | f (this is actually cuuute?!?!)
Snafu + Part 2 @minyfic - drabble series [2/2] | 4.5k | College AU, Enemies to Lovers, crack, prompt: “So, you don’t want to accept my gift of a fuck?”, OC brought to party after a break up | F 🌷
Sweet Like Candy @lysjeon​ - SMAU with written parts | enemies to lovers, dating app, secret identity, college au | f, s, a  🌷
The Sea Without You @sopebubbles​ - social media au (smau) with written parts | completed |  rapper au, memory/amnesia au, idolverse | a, s
Too Hot To Sleep @gamerguk - one shot | 2.4k | established relationship, humor, kitchen smut, marriage kink (😁) | f, s 🌷
Will You Marry Me? @jjk-biased​ - drabble | 1.8k | proposal au, idol au, childhood acquaintances | f (tooth-rotting fluff) 🌷
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And So It Begins @seokstrivia - one shot | 6.1k | Teacher AU, Friends to Lovers, missed chances (like they almost dated but something happened), feat brother!namjoon, taehyung and jungkook are kids (students), idiots to lovers, feat girlfriend(?) Irene (read the fic 😉 | f, a
Bloom @jungxk - series [3/3] | 8.3k | brother’s bestfriend au, college au, crack, lots of sexual tension 🔥 | s  🌷
Friend to Lover Drabble Series: Band AU @/ddaengyoonmin - drabble | 1.7k | musician au, drummer!hoseok, bandmate au | a, f
Inebriate @seokjxnnie​ - one shot | 6.5k | enemies to lovers (rivals at work), co-worker au, office au, Christmas AU | s  🌷
Invisible Strings @ughcore - drabble | 1.2k | roller-derby au, skater au, ex-friends au, falling out, bestfriend au | a  🌷
Swimming in Your Taste @stuckinmono​ - one shot | 3.1k | roommate au, fwb au, pining (I think so? From Hoseok?), summer vibes (coconuts!) | s, slight a?
The Ballad of the Sad Cafe @ironicarmy - one shot | 18k | Exes AU, reunion, rich kid!hoseok (before), falling out | a, s, f
The Broken Hearts Club @sunshinekims - one shot | 19.8k | Bad Boy AU, quiet!OC, Fake Dating AU, College AU, both recently dumped | a, f, s
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5280 Feet @xbaepsae​ - one shot | 5.8k | strangers to lovers, mile high club au, pwp | s
A Little Thing Called Love @jjiimin​ - SMAU | complete | fwb au, college au, unrequited (jimin started falling for someone else!)  | f, a
A Needy, Desperate Fuck Up @kookscrescent​ - one shot | 3.1k | established relationship, boyfriend au, pwp, “Fuck! I'm not on the pill!” prompt | s  🌷
Best of Me @xotoosweet​ - two shot [2/2] | 21.5k | strangers to lovers, pre-med student!jimin, fratboy au, college au, strangers to lovers, slow burn, communications major!reader | a, f 
Fratboy!Jimin drabble @jiminrings - bulleted | 3k | fratboy au, good girl!oc, pining au | fluffy fluff!
Important Ass-et @bangtanhome - one shot | 8.4k | CEO!Jimin, Office AU, Employee!Reader, pwp | S  🌷
Kinky Hours: Jimin x Small Hands @lavishedinjimin - drabble | >3k | request: “Making fun of Jimin’s small hands until he shuts you up by gagging” 👀, pwp | s  🌷
Rebound @out-of-jams - one shot | 7k | feat fwb!taehyung, unrequited love (OC to Taehyung), college au, strangers to lovers, party scene | a, f, suggestive
Your Keeper @jinpanman​ - drabble | 2k | fantasy au, enemies to lovers, alice in wonderland!au, assistant!jimin, OC is a Tales Keeper, kind of villain!jimin, crack? | f  🌷
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Bad Word @personasintro - one shot | 6.4k | teacher!reader, single dad!taehyung, dilf!taehyung, secret relationship, age gap (35 vs 28)
Bouquet and Garter @ jjungkookislife - drabble | 1.1k | brother’s best friend, childhood friend, wedding au | f
Car Trouble @redwithlovex​ - drabble | 1.7k | established relationship, boyfriend au, road trip au, stranded, some rain smut 🌧🔥 | s 🌷
Don’t Open the Door @yumtete​ - one shot | 5k | established relationship, neglected OC, horror?, yandere themes, Coraline!au | a, s  🌷
Finite @softykooky​ - drabble | 1.7k | established relationship, boyfriend au, soon to be separated by distance (internship), College AU | a, f 🌷
Friends to Lovers Series: Childhood Friend @/ddaengyoonmin - one shot | 6k | childhood friends au, police officer!taehyung, bad girl/stoner!reader | f, a, s
Honeymoon Rehearsal @ropeseok - one shot | 9.3k | established relationship, pre-wedding, wedding AU, pwp, blindfolds  | f, s 🌷
Kiss Me Over Coffee + Halloween in June @gold-gguk - one shot + sequel (but can be standalone) | 9.1k | Coffee Shop AU, Barista AU, New Year’s AU (part 1), thriller for part 2, established relationship (boyfriend) for part 2) | f, a
Late Night Adventures @rosesxstories​ - drabble | 1.8k | established relationship, pregnancy au, husband au, lactation kink | s, f 🌷
Lead Me Home @minsimagines​ - one shot | 5k | werewolf au, letting go au | a (can make you cry type of angst) 🌷
Nothing @grinnieyoongi​ - drabble | 1.1k | pregnancy au, idol au, based on the song “Nothing” by Bruno Major so expect tooth-rotting fluff  | f 🌷
The Muse @daddychims​ - one shot | 30k | slow burn, love triangle (feat Jungkook), fuckboy!taehyung, bestfriend AU, author!reader, OC needed to write “juicy scenario” for the book and Taehyung invited her to watch (as reference for her writing) | s, a, f  🌷
You - Me - Us @full-of-jams​ - drabble series [3/3] | 5.3k | photographer!reader, model!taehyung, slow burn, yearning/pining, used to be friends | a 🌷
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separate list (due to bulk of fics) - to be posted
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A Touch of Care @dawndrms - Seokjin x Taehyung (platonic) | drabble | 1.8k | fallen god au, hurt/comfort, fantasy | a 🌷
Aurora @krreader - taehyung x reader; jungkook x reader | one shot | 6k | feat IU, idol au, JK broke up with OC, pregnancy au, second chances | a, f
Criminal @teawithkpop - one shot | 5.8k | poly au, criminal!namjoon, mafia!namjoon,  police officers yoongi and jungkook, prison au, this is insanely hot | s 🌷
Saudade @erosjeon - one shot | 3.1k | boyfriend taehyung, neighbor jungkook, PLOT TWIST (????!jungkook) | s, f, a (kind of heavy after the plot twist)
The End @jimlingss - OT7 | one shot | 31k | fantasy, established relationship (basically in every scenario OC is in, she’s in a relationship with one member), to all the boys I’ve loved before-inspired, multiverse, guess the member, kind of ghost au (seokjin is like the messenger) | f, a  🌷
What You Did Last Summer @winetae - Yoongi-centric | one shot | 33.8k | trophy wife!reader, established au, husband!yoongi, rich au, kind of poly (feat hoseok, jimin, seokjin but the main event only happens with yoongi), age gap (yoongi is older than OC), kind of tsundere yoongi | s, f 🌷
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posted: 2021 June 29
link to other reading lists
other fic rec lists (by theme)
I love to read so feel free to message me about fics! 🌷
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1K notes · View notes
lavienjin · 6 days ago
bigger & better | knj & kth
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synopsis: fuck your gigantic roommates. they should have known better than to put your favourite jam on the top most shelf.
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pairing: taehyung x reader & namjoon x reader
wc: 2.9k
rating/genre/au: 18+ | roommates, threesome au | smut
warnings: pwp • threesome • size kink • oral (m. & f. receiving) • face fuck • deep throat • dirty talk • impact play • manhandling • name calling (whore, slut) • hair pulling • spitting • cum swallowing • unprotected sex • creampie • aftercare • these two have big cocks
author's note: well. this drabble grew legs and ran away from me. so, it got turned into a one shot. hope you have fun, anon!
m.list | ao3
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It all started because Taehyung decided it would be funny to place your favourite jam on the very top of the pantry shelf, knowing full well your arms can’t stretch that high up. Both him and Namjoon stand in the kitchen, suppressing their giggles as they watch your sad attempts to reach the elusive glass jar through a series of jumps.
“Will you giraffes come help me already?” you huff impatiently at your two roommates, turning around to cross your arms in front of your chest.
This only erupts a series of laughter from the boys. Taehyung grips the counter tightly to avoid falling to the floor as he clutches his stomach whereas Namjoon’s laughing so hard that there’s tears in his eyes, his mouth hanging open, though no sound comes out.
You scowl at the two clowns, rolling your eyes in exasperation before standing on your tip toes to reach the jam again. Muttering curses under your breath, you glare at the fully stocked wooden pantry, wondering if the shelves will break under your weight should you climb them in order to achieve your goal. Just as your toes touch the bottom shelf, a broad chest presses onto your back. You crank your neck to find Namjoon smirking down at you, his tongue swiping slowly across his plush, bottom lip.
“Let me help you with that, baby,” Namjoon smirks with a voice so low that you can’t suppress the shivers of electricity running down your spine. He stretches his hand and grabs the jar while purposefully grinding his hips on your ass. “There, is that all you need?”
You swallow. Your back is flooded with his warmth. Namjoon blows teasingly on your exposed neck, the cool breath against your blazing skin making you shiver, and the quiet whimper you release does not escape him.
“Are you cold? You’re shivering,” Taehyung murmurs with mock concern as he joins the two of you with a smirk of his own, effectively crowding you between their bodies and the wall.
Turning around to meet their heated gaze, your heart jumps to your throat as their towering figures look down at you, making you feel much smaller than you actually are.
You’re suddenly too aware at the scratchy feeling in your throat and you attempt to alleviate your thirst by swallowing another mouthful of spit. Gingerly, you trail your eyes from Taehyung’s smirk to his thick arms before moving on to Namjoon’s thighs, a strange sensation swirling in your abdomen when you realize that they’re doing the same – hungrily assessing you from where they stand.
Do they notice the hitch in your breathing? Can they hear the rapid thump of your heartbeat?
The air stills as the three statues study each other, breaths gradually getting heavier with each passing second. You wait patiently for someone to snap – for the telltale sign of a knife cutting the blanket of tension into strips.
Thankfully, you didn’t need to wait long. Namjoon wraps his thick arms around your waist and picks you up easily, handing the jar to a bewildered Taehyung, before dropping you on the dining table. He tilts your jaw upwards, his thumb swiping across your bottom lip before he eclipses it with his own. You moan into the kiss, your hands snaking up to tug at the strands of his hair as Namjoon strips you off your shorts and panties, grunting loudly when his fingers find your wet folds.
“No fair!” Taehyung pouts, slamming the jar on a nearby counter before he joins you, his large hands caressing your inner thighs.
Namjoon only chuckles, removing his fingers from your cunt to place it on your lips instead. “Open up, baby.”
You whine, obeying his command, tongue rolling out of your parted lips as you stare into his blown-out pupils. However, instead of stuffing his fingers in your awaiting mouth, Namjoon gathers up some saliva and spits in your mouth. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he repeats the action, your cunt gushing out streams of arousal onto the table.
Taehyung whistles, his large hands opening your legs wider. “I didn’t know you were such a slut. You love being treated this way, huh?” he muses.
You’re unable to answer Taehyung’s tease, not when Namjoon pins you with such a satisfied gaze. “Let me see you swallow, baby,” he commands in a soft voice, tapping your chin lightly with a finger. With a simpering mewl, you close your mouth and swallow before opening back up to show Namjoon that you’ve obeyed.
“Good girl,” he praises with a smile.
Taehyung takes the opportunity to run his fingers over your folds, grunting softly when your hips jerk upwards to meet his touch. “So fucking sensitive,” he mutters under his breath. “When was the last time you got laid, huh?”
“Taehyu—mmph—” Your groans are cut off when Namjoon pushes his fingers into your mouth, letting you taste the saltiness of your arousal. You suck and lick the digits clean, tearily blinking up at Namjoon’s smirk.
“Oh, I can’t wait to fill this mouth with my cock. You’re a good girl, aren’t you? You can take it, right?” Namjoon takes your hand and drags it across his erection, chuckling quietly when your eyes widen at the feeling of his bulge. You gulp around his fingers, but despite your nervousness, you’re ready for the challenge.
Twisting at the waist, you claw at Namjoon’s sweatpants, pleading silently for him to remove them. “Impatient brat,” he mumbles, but he removes his pants along with his boxers, letting his cock spring free into the air.
Your mouth waters at the sight of his cock. It’s much longer than you’d imagine, with a prominent vein running along the left side.
“God, can this mouth even fit me?” he wonders before removing his digits from your mouth.
“One way to find out,” you rasp, giving him a cheeky smile.
Namjoon returns your grin with his own, pulling you gently towards him until your head slightly hangs from the edge of the table. Crouching slightly, he taps on your parted lips with his cock before inching in slowly.
“Fuuuck—” Namjoon grunts, removing himself from the warmth of your mouth before plunging back in. “I’m gonna train this throat so you can take me.”
Your nails sink into the wooden table below. You’re unable to breathe, not with his balls pressed up against your nose, but you hollow your cheekbones and attempt to relax as Namjoon pushes himself further inside.
“Swallow,” he commands with a hiss when his head brushes the back of your throat. After taking a few gulps of air, you do, relaxing your muscles while trying not to gag and choke around his length. Mercifully, Namjoon sinks in slowly, patiently moving in and out of your mouth until your throat gradually accommodates his size.
You twitch on the table, fingernails raking the wood, as you breathe through your nose.
“Whoa.” You hear Taehyung gasp in awe and the sound fills your chest with inexplicable pride. He spanks the inside of your thigh lightly as he snickers, “You’re really made to be a slut, huh? You look so sexy swallowing Namjoon whole, fuck!”
Taehyung presses circles into your clit, allowing you to relax as Namjoon begins to fuck your throat. Gingerly, Taehyung pushes a finger into your hole, hissing when you clench around his digit. Your walls flutter, already feeling so full when he adds another finger into your cunt. Your muffled moans are loud in the quiet kitchen and your voice only increases in volume as Taehyung alternates between scissoring motions and curling his fingers around the patch of nerves, making you lightheaded and seeing stars.
“Mmh—” you grunt, eyes falling shut.
“She’s so tight,” Namjoon mutters, shuddering slightly as he increases his pace. Finding purchase on your tits, he gropes them firmly, using your mounds as anchors while he ruts into your mouth. “Shit—I can see the outline of my cock when I fuck your throat.” He presses his fingers lightly around your neck, relishing at the bulge that appears every time he buries his dick inside.
From the other end of the table, you hear Taehyung removing his pants. He spits into his palm, coating his cock with his saliva before prodding your entrance with the tip. “Well, let’s see if your body can take two cocks at once,” he chuckles.
Taehyung’s large hands grip your waist to stop you from twitching as he pushes in gradually. Your walls are crowded with Taehyung’s cock and yet there seems to be more. Your screams turn into airy whines as you buck your hips at the stretch, inhaling deeply to force yourself to relax to avoid biting on Namjoon’s dick.
“Fuck, baby, your pussy is so tight. I don’t know if I can fit my whole dick in,” Taehyung hisses, pulling out from your pulsing cunt. He pushes your legs to open wider and tries again, but your tiny cunt only manages to swallow his tip before he pops out again.
“How about changing positions?” Namjoon suggests, removing himself from your throat. There’s a string of saliva connecting the tip of his dick to your lips.
You gasp, taking in large gulps of air as you sit up on the table. The two men wait until you’re no longer sputtering. “That’s a great idea,” you grin, though your voice is hoarse from overuse. “Let’s take it to the bed. My ass is getting sore from lying on this hard table.”
Namjoon helps you down from the table, but as soon as your toes touch the floor, your legs give out and you yelp when you tumble forwards. Thankfully, he’s ready to catch you and you smile gratefully at him.
“Well, since you can’t walk…” Taehyung mumbles as he gets closer.
Without another warning, he scoops you into his arms, slinging you carelessly over his shoulder. He laughs when you yelp, your palms hitting his back as you demand for him to put you down, but your words unfortunately fall on deaf ears.
“Relax,” he rumbles. “I’m not going to let you fall.”
True to his word, Taehyung doesn’t drop you as he covers the short distance to your bedroom with his long legs until he reaches the end of the bed. He drops you on the mattress then – your limbs flailing in the air for a moment before you hit the bed with an ‘oomph’.
“Taehyung!” you yell, glaring at the brunette, but he only chuckles, his strong hands already flipping you so you lay on your stomach.
“Hands and knees, baby, let’s do this right.” Taehyung pushes your ass cheeks apart to lick your folds before switching to broader strokes from your clit to your hole. His tongue laves at the entrance before his fingers take over and you could only moan – surrendering yourself to the feeling of Taehyung fucking you with his digits.
Namjoon appears moments later, claiming your lips once more as he settles on the pillows. When he pulls away, he grins before pushing your head down on his dick. “Make yourself useful, slut,” he chuckles, patting your cheeks with his fingers. You offer him a mischievous smirk before enveloping the tip with your lips.
“Ready for my cock?” Taehyung asks rhetorically, removing his tongue from your cunt to kneel. He glides his shaft along your folds, purposefully missing your entrance and bumping into your clit.
You shiver, trying to focus on sucking Namjoon’s cock, but when Taehyung continues to tease, you throw a glare behind your shoulder to complain. “Taehyung—come on! Don’t tease!” you pout, just before Namjoon growls and grabs a fistful of your hair.
“Sluts like you don’t get to make requests,” Namjoon grunts, shoving your head down as your nails dig into his thighs. “All you’re good for is taking dick.”
“God, you’re such a useless slut,” Taehyung chuckles. “She doesn’t even know how to properly please us.”
He punctuates the final word by driving his cock deep into your cunt. Taehyung wastes no time with languid strokes, immediately slamming into your cunt with a brutal pace. Despite Namjoon shoving his cock into your throat to remind you of your task at hand, you can only moan in pleasure, mouth no longer cooperating as you slobber all over his length. You whine loudly when Namjoon yanks you away from his dick by your hair. You had no time to prepare, barely screwing your eyes shut when you see Namjoon raising his hand in the air.
The sharp smack across your cheek causes you to whip your head to the side, but despite the sob and tears escaping from your eyes, what surprises you most is how much you loved it.
“Namjoon—” you moan, body shivering from the rough treatment.
“Shit—she got tighter—” Taehyung groans, driving his hips faster into your battered walls.
You grip the sheets tighter when Namjoon slaps your other cheek, the stinging pain forcing you to clench your teeth. When you crack your eyes open, Namjoon’s jaw is set; his tongue prodding the inside of his cheek.
“This filthy whore hasn’t learned. She’s too stupid to move her mouth when her cunt is filled with cock.” he smirks. Namjoon forces your mouth open with his thumb before he spits directly inside and you groan as you swallow his saliva down your throat.
“Not—ah—stupid,” you whine, relishing at the displeasure in his eyes. You hear Taehyung curse under his breath as your walls tighten around his cock. “Fuck—ah—Namjoon, please—I can be good. I promise,” you plead; voice sounding higher than usual.
“Well, prove it then. Use that mouth of yours to make me cum.”
Blinking tearily up at him, you pump his length several times before licking the tip, paying close attention to the underside of the head. You try to maintain your breathing as you fill your mouth with Namjoon’s cock, swallowing dutifully when he reaches the back of your throat. There’s a sudden drive to make him proud and you moan wantonly as you bob your head to match the rhythm from Taehyung’s thrusts.
“Fuck—that’s it— There’s my good girl.” Namjoon grunts. His hands maintain a firm grip around your skull and he aids your movements with a thrust of his hips.
You’re rocked back and forth between the two bodies, happily letting your roommates use your holes for their pleasure. The sloppy wet sounds of Taehyung drilling into your cunt and Namjoon fucking your throat causes the orgasm to build rapidly – the familiar string pulling taut in your abdomen. You moan loudly when Taehyung’s fingers find your clit, pressing figure eights onto the swollen bundle of nerves. The vibration from your voice makes Namjoon thrust up faster into your mouth, and before long, you feel the twitch of his cock as his breathing staggers.
“I’m gonna fucking cum—” Namjoon hisses, throwing his head on the pillows. “Make sure you drink it all, yeah?”
“Fuck—me too. I’m going to fill this cunt with my seed,” Taehyung gasps from behind.
You can only moan, tossed between their rapid pace as they seek out their pleasure.
“Shit—fuck—I’m cumming—" Taehyung groans, thick ropes of cum filling your tummy and painting your walls white.
Your head hums pleasantly in your skull when Taehyung lodges his cock deep into your cunt, his orgasm triggering your own as you’re tossed into the waves of pleasure. Taehyung’s grip around your hips tightens as you thrash on the sheets, the toe-curling orgasm making you groan loudly against Namjoon’s cock.
“Fuckfuckfuck—” Namjoon curses, shoving your head down as he cums. “Drink it all, baby, fuck—yes.”
You screw your eyes shut as you focus on swallowing the bitter liquid, occasionally mewling when Namjoon hits the back of your throat with his twitches. When you milk out the rest of his cum, you leave his cock and open your mouth wide, showing him the evidence – or lack thereof.
“Good girl,” Namjoon hums in between breaths. “Did my cum taste good, baby?”
You nod, body still shivering from the aftereffects of the orgasm as Taehyung thrusts languidly inside your cunt, massaging your hips with his large hands until his cock softens and slips out of you.
“Yeah, fuck, that was amazing, baby,” he agrees, kissing your back until he reaches your shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore,” you grumble, slumping onto the bed. Your body still twitches occasionally as you curl up on the sheets.
You feel a bounce in the mattress and shuffling of feet before a warm cloth is placed between your legs, wiping off the mess that’s surely oozing out of your hole. “Mmh—feels good,” you sigh gratefully.
Namjoon chuckles, leaving momentarily to toss the wet rag into the laundry hamper before kissing your forehead and settling next to you on the sheets.
Taehyung pulls you up and hands you a glass of water. You down the liquid instantly, whispering out a ‘thanks’ as you return the cup to his awaiting hand. He kisses your lips in response.
“So,” you pipe up, breaking the silence by smirking at the two men. “How about round two? I think it’s Joon’s turn to fuck me.”
Namjoon and Taehyung groan in unison.
“Is this your way of comparing our dick size?” the latter snorts while Namjoon drags a palm over his face before smirking.
Instead of answering, you wink.
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772 notes · View notes
rmnamjoons · 2 months ago
The Bodyguard [KNJ]
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➳ summary: You’re the daughter of the ambassador to a small, peaceful, barely-on-the-map country in Western Europe, working as a diplomat to help your mother with her endless meetings and politics. After a kidnapping attempt gone wrong, you and your protective bodyguard Namjoon are on the run across Europe, jumping from trains, stealing cars, and pretending to be a couple on your honeymoon to stay hidden. As the would-be kidnappers close in, Namjoon promises you that he’s going to keep you safe, no matter the cost.
➳ pairing: bodyguard!Namjoon x reader
➳ genre: bodyguard au, romance, smut, fake dating/fake marriage, road trip (kinda), very slight angst
➳ word count: 62.9k – this is a complete, VERY long oneshot
➳ tags: hotel owner seokjin cameo, main pairing is on the run and traveling all over to stay hidden, mutual pining, slowburn, bed sharing, accidental cuddling while sleeping, pretending to be a couple, protective namjoon, unrequited love that’s actually very requited, masturbation and accidental voyeurism, lots of horny thoughts/fantasies, smut, oral (f receiving), biting, soft dom namjoon has an oral fixation
➳ a/n: I originally started writing this in December of 2019, and I’m very proud of it! It’s the length of a short novel and I put a lot of work into it, so I hope everyone likes it 💜 Also, it takes places in winter (because that’s when I started writing it), and I never say what country Y/N is from or what country her mother is the ambassador to, to keep it as self-insert as possible. Enjoy!!!
➳ warnings: a main character gets shot but is fine, the underlying threat of being kidnapped by unknown men is a theme throughout, guns tw, shooting tw, blood tw, unnamed character death tw, both Namjoon and Y/N shoot and kill bad guys
“It was complete shit, Joon. A shit show. A fucking circus. Did you see the way that American aide kept leering at me? I should’ve slapped him when he winked at me. Ugh, fucking asshole,” you grumbled, pacing around the luxurious first class compartment you’d booked for your more than twenty-four hour train ride home.
You’d been on this line before, many times actually, and you found the long trip relaxing, mostly due to the fact your compartment was nearly the size of a normal hotel room. Even if there was no wifi or cell service for a few hours of the ride, you loved it. It let you relax and disconnect from the world, if only for one night.
You’d kicked off your heels pretty much immediately after getting to your compartment, but you were still in the light pink skirt and blazer you’d worn to the summit earlier today. You’d smiled to your bodyguard Namjoon that morning as he’d escorted you down to breakfast at the hotel, asking him if you looked like Elle Woods in your outfit. He’d smiled to himself and responded with a quiet “Yes, ma’am,” and you swore he’d tried to hide the fact he was blushing, though maybe that was just you projecting your intense stupid crush onto him, making you see things that weren’t there at all.
“I thought it went pretty well. The summit, at least. Not the American,” Namjoon replied from his seat at the small table by the window, glancing up at you every few moments while skimming through the book he’d brought on this trip. The empty plates from the dinner the two of you’d been served a couple hours ago were still stacked there in front of him, Namjoon having not gotten up yet to put them out in the hall. “I still think you should’ve let me talk to him.”
“Of course you do,” you laughed, rolling your eyes. “I remember the last time I let you ‘talk’ to someone for me. How many of that man’s ribs did you break?”
“He had it coming,” Namjoon mumbled after a moment, not looking up from his book, though you could see the small smile he was trying to hide. You smiled too, remembering how the man in question had grabbed your ass at a charity banquet when he’d thought no one was looking. You’d gasped and looked up at the man with scared eyes, before running to Namjoon and telling him what had happened, tears streaming down your face.
Your bodyguard had said he would just have a word with the man, dragged him off to another room, and the next thing you knew paramedics were rushing by to take the man away, now groaning and clutching his stomach.
“Some random rich asshole is one thing, the chief aide to the American ambassador to Russia is another,” you commented, now standing in front of your suitcase and folding some of your clothes, seeing what you had left that was still clean. “Besides, the whole summit was stupid. Nothing happened. Barely anything was even discussed. The trip was such a waste of time. Then again, when aren’t they?”
You’d mumbled the last sentence, but Namjoon still caught it. You knew he agreed with you by the tight-lipped expression that came over his face, but he said nothing, eyes still glued to his book. He was never one for speaking his mind on the political aspects of your or your mother’s jobs.
Namjoon had been your personal bodyguard for almost three years now, ever since your mother had accepted the position of ambassador to a small, peaceful, barely-on-the-map country in Western Europe. When she was first appointed, you were freshly graduated with a useless degree and unsurprisingly unemployed, so she’d brought you with her to serve as an unofficial aide and representative for public events. Your mother handled the important business, while you were stuck at never-ending luncheons and banquets and casual meetings with wealthy businessmen trying to make political (and sometimes romantic) connections with you and your mother.
It was stupid, mind-numbing, degrading work, and it bothered you a lot that nepotism was the only reason you’d gotten the job, but you tried to tell yourself that ambassadors’ grown children often had positions like yours, helping represent their embassy and country to the public – more celebrity than politician, a role to play instead of a job to do.
In the time you’d known him, Namjoon was the only person in your life besides your mother who treated you like a normal human being instead of a spoiled princess. You spent nearly every waking moment together, and despite his professionalism, he was friendly, sweet, even goofy with you. He was your friend. Your big, sexy, funny, intelligent, charming, perfect friend you were kind of a little bit in love with… who your mother paid to never leave your side.
You sighed, closing your suitcase with a thud and turning back toward the table, your mood soured by thinking about your pathetic and very unrequited crush on Namjoon. You moped over and slumped down in the chair across from him, sighing again as you crossed your arms.
“You okay?” Namjoon’s deep voice interrupted your thoughts, making you almost jump out of your seat. He’d put his book down on the table and now sat up straighter, tilting his head as he looked at you, concern in his warm brown eyes.
“Yeah,” you said, smiling weakly but not making eye contact with him. “Just thinking.”
“Thinking? Sounds dangerous,” he said. He had a teasing tone in his voice, like he wanted to be playful with you. “What are you thinking about?”
Your heart was racing now, though you knew this was just him checking on you and doing his job. He was always so attentive, so wonderful and kind to you, like a boyfriend instead of a bodyguard. His caring nature and how sweet he was did not help your crush on him at all.
“Nothing,” you lied. “Just plans for the week, what else I have to do, stuff like that. Nothing important.”
“You looked upset. You had that pout you get when you’re lost in your head,” Namjoon said. “Something coming up you’re worried about?”
“Nope,” you said, still not looking at him. “And I wasn’t pouting.”
“Oh yeah?” he said, voice gentler now, thankfully not pushing anymore. “I saw you pouting, ma’am. You looked like this.” Namjoon made the most pathetic pout you’d ever seen, batting his eyes and sticking out his bottom lip, making you giggle. He reached across the table and tickled your stomach, your giggles turning into near-screams of laughter and joy as you tried to squirm away from him in your seat.
He showed mercy and stopped, letting you catch your breath as he watched and smiled at you.
“Y/N,” he said, serious again, and you finally looked up at him, surprised by the use of your name instead of the usual ‘ma’am’ thing he insisted on continuing, despite your many objections. “You know you can talk to me, right? What’s on your mind?”
A small part of you wanted to just blurt out your feelings, but you could never do that to him. It was beyond inappropriate, in both the friend aspect and the fact your mother employed him. What if he felt pressured to say he liked you back, out of fear of losing his job? What if confessing your feelings made him quit to get away from the insane, spoiled ambassador’s daughter lusting after him? You were stuck, cursed to live secretly in love with your bodyguard-best friend forever.
Before you could answer him, your stomach growled loudly, making your eyes widen comically as you looked down at yourself in surprise.
“Oh, I see,” Namjoon said, a knowing, relieved smile growing on his face. “Are you hungry again? Is that what put you in a pouty mood?”
“Yeah,” you lied, your pout slowly turning into a smile too, thankful for the perfectly-timed distraction. “Joon,” you cooed to him, giving him your best pleading eyes. “Would you be willing to get us some food from the dining car? Something sweet, like cookies or chocolate? Please?”
Namjoon’s smile grew wider, looking down and shaking his head a little, as if laughing to himself. You knew he had a complete inability to refuse you whenever you batted your eyelashes at him and gave him puppy eyes, and you exploited that fact often.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his cheeks turning red. “Preference on cookies or chocolate?”
“Chocolate cookies are my preference, then chocolate, then cookies. Nothing with raisins. Thank you, Joonie,” you said, drawing out his name cutely, like how you always did when you asked him for a favor.
You grinned at him, watching the way his dark eyes sparkled at your joy. He sighed, standing up and stretching a little before heading out of the compartment, setting the plates from dinner outside the door on his way out.
Namjoon slid the two packs of double chocolate chip cookies he’d bought into his jacket pocket, cautiously picking up the two cups of hot cocoa and stepping to the side to get out of the way of the snack counter’s line. He knew all about your insatiable sweet tooth and love of chocolate, so he thought he’d surprise you with what he knew to be your favorite drink, especially on cold nights like this.
Namjoon wondered how he’d ended up so lucky, to have gotten a job like this, taking care of and protecting you. His entire existence revolved around keeping you, the love of his life, safe and happy; he got to spend basically every waking moment with you, worried over your safety, in charge of protecting you no matter what, and he actually got paid for it. He would do this for free in a heartbeat. Hell, he’d give up his life savings and all worldly possessions to be the one by your side, your protector, the one person you trusted more than anyone else.
Part of him, though, sometimes wondered if this job was actually torture. He would never be able to confess his feelings; he could never do that to you. How would you feel if you found out the man you’d trusted your life with was secretly a pervert who thought of you as his, who fantasized every night about putting his head between your legs, who jacked off in the shower every morning while moaning your name?
Even earlier today, when you’d paced around after dinner, he’d kept sneaking glances and staring at your ass in that tight little skirt, fantasizing about bending you over the desk in the compartment. He knew you’d feel disgusted and betrayed, so he kept his mouth shut and accepted it, because getting to dote on you forever was the most wonderful torture he could possibly imagine.
He was so whipped for you, too, and he knew it. All you had to do was bat your eyelashes at him and he’d drop everything to please you. You had him completely wrapped around your finger, and you didn’t even realize it.
This job was either heaven or hell: protecting the most beautiful woman in the world who he loved more than anything, who would never have any idea how he felt. He couldn’t kiss you all over like he wanted to, so instead he took care of you a different way, translating the kisses and devotion he wanted to give you into favors, friendship, and, most importantly, protection.
Namjoon turned to head back, moving slowly to balance the very full hot cocoas in his hands and smiling proudly to himself at just the thought of getting to surprise you with something you loved.
As he headed out of the dining car, he spotted two men sitting at one of the tables, each with a small, barely noticeable black object in their ears, and his heart stopped. The two men were dressed casually, no logos or patterns, but Namjoon recognized the black boots they both wore as being tactical, police or military-grade by the looks of it.
He didn’t react or slow down, instead setting his jaw and continuing on his way, not wanting to draw attention to himself or let them know of the suspicion he felt. He would check into that as soon as he got back to you, after fortifying the room you were in. You were his only priority, and if these guys weren’t a threat to you, they weren’t his problem.
By the exit, a third man sat at a table by himself, also with a hidden earpiece and tactical shoes. This one was reading a book, and Namjoon glanced at his face, seeing his eyes not actually moving or reading.
Namjoon swallowed thickly, but didn’t react otherwise.
He swore he could feel eyes on him, maybe the two men at the table or the employee working the snack counter behind him. Everyone on this train was now a potential threat, as far as he was concerned.
Once he left the dining car and the windowless door slid shut behind him, Namjoon immediately cut to the side, ducking into the bathroom and locking it behind him. He then dumped the hot cocoas in the sink, burying the cups in the little trash bin on the wall before pulling out his cell phone.
“Shit,” Namjoon muttered under his breath, smacking the side of his phone. The train had already reached the two-hour stretch of the journey where there was no service or wifi, up in the mountains. He would have no way of scanning any databases for who these guys were, no way to call for help or letting anyone know about the situation. He couldn’t even text you to warn you not to open the door for anyone but him.
He took a deep breath, reminding himself that he didn’t actually know if these men were here for you. He didn’t want to freak you out or scare you unnecessarily, and he needed to stay calm and in control. The only thing that mattered right now was getting to you and fortifying the room. He had a gun and plenty of rounds. He knew he could protect you.
Namjoon moved to leave, but froze when he heard someone enter the other bathroom across from him. He heard a man’s voice, and Namjoon pressed his ear against the bathroom door to listen.
“We just reached the dead zone. Target is confirmed onboard. Only one guy with her,” the man said, his hushed tone so quiet Namjoon had to strain and close his eyes to hear him. Nobody was responding to what this man was saying, which meant he had some kind of satellite phone that worked without normal cell service. In the past, Namjoon had repeatedly requested a satellite phone that would work on this train route, but the security team back at the embassy had deemed it unnecessary.
“Yeah, I had eyes on them both when they got on the train,” the man continued, his American accent thick. “He’s a pretty big guy, potentially armed, but he won’t be a problem.”
The man paused for a moment before continuing, “Came in the snack car a minute ago. Didn’t suspect a thing. Bought her some cookies,” the man laughed. More silence. “Yeah, he just went back to the girl.”
Namjoon bit his lip, hearing his suspicions confirmed.
These men were here for you.
They had military-grade gear, they were coordinated, and they had phones or communicators that still worked up in the mountains where nothing else did. They were far more prepared and equipped than he was, and he was definitely outnumbered.
Namjoon strained to hear what else the man said, catching only a few words like “engine room” and “eliminated” over the low hum of the train. The man said something else, and then it sounded like he signed off. A few seconds later that door slid open again, and then Namjoon heard firm footsteps heading back toward the dining car.
Namjoon waited for a few seconds, staring at his phone and watching the time pass on his clock app. He listened as hard as he could for hints that anyone else was in the hallway, but all he could hear were the sounds of the train. It would only take one of these assassins or kidnappers or whoever they were being in the hallway outside to spot him, and then they’d all know he’d heard everything.
His heart was racing, the only thought in his head being how badly he needed to get back to you and protect you. Someone could be waiting right outside this door to ambush him, or breaking into your compartment now, hurting you or taking you somewhere, away from him.
Namjoon took a deep breath and slid open the door, peeking around carefully before stepping out. The hallway was empty, and the sleeping car a few meters away was mostly vacant, with only a family with small children sitting near the back.
Namjoon walked down the train car, smiling pleasantly to himself as he passed the family. He didn’t want them to freak out or see him running, but he couldn’t help but pick up his pace the moment he passed them.
Once in the next (thankfully empty) sleeper car, Namjoon broke into a jog, rushing to get back to you. The first class cars were all at the back of the train, farthest from the loud locomotive, and you’d rented the very last one, with its own little private balcony on the very back of the train. His heart and mind were both racing, but he tried to tell himself that he needed to stay calm. Panic would just make him less helpful and only put you at risk. You, his princess, the woman who trusted him with your life, the one person he’d die for in a heartbeat.
When Namjoon reached your door, he found it still locked and in place. He fumbled with his key, nearly dropping it before finally getting the door open, immediately sliding it shut again the second he was inside.
“Y/N, baby, get up right now,” he said, locking the door behind him.
You seemed to be frozen in place, your wide eyes confused and watching him.
“Huh?” you said, still not moving as you watched him pull the mattress off his bed and throw it against the door.
“Up,” he said, coming over to you and grabbing you by your arms, pulling you up as gently as he could in his urgency. “You have thirty seconds to put necessities in my backpack. We’re leaving.”
“What? Why?” you said, standing still and blinking in confusion as Namjoon turned and grabbed his backpack beside his now bare bed frame, throwing it down in the chair you’d just been sitting in. He still had his bag of toiletries in there, along with a first aid kit, his glasses and extra contacts, his passport, and a few other things, so he figured he was set.
He started to pull your mattress off the bed too, but noticed you still hadn’t moved.
“Y/N,” he said, coming back to you and holding your face with both hands, making you look up at him and focus. “I need you to get whatever you need and put it in my backpack right now. There are men on this train who want to hurt you. We’re leaving.”
“What? Who are they? What do you mean ‘leaving?’ We’re on a moving train in the middle of nowhere,” you said, panic rising in your eyes and voice.
“Sweetheart, I need you to stay calm,” he said, dropping one hand to your shoulder and moving his thumb in little soothing circles. “I’m always honest with you, and right now’s no different. I’m gonna keep you safe, but I need you with me and focused. I heard them call you ‘the target’ and they know you only have one guard, so we need to move right now.”
“Are we jumping off the train?” you said, and when you blinked he noticed your eyes welling up.
“No, angel,” he said, bringing his hand up to cup your face again, stroking your cheek with his thumb. You leaned into his touch, looking up at him with a scared expression that made his heart ache. He realized he was calling you pet names in his attempt to comfort you, and didn’t care to stop himself. “It’s my job to keep you safe, remember? I wouldn’t be a very good bodyguard if I made you jump off a moving train, now would I?”
That made you smile a little, and Namjoon smiled weakly, happy you weren’t as panicked as before. Keeping you calm was almost as important as keeping you safe right now; he couldn’t afford to have you panicking, but he needed you to understand the seriousness of the situation. You were an adult. You could handle being scared. It was his job to keep you safe in scary situations like this and handle everything else.
“I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you put some of your stuff in my backpack? Please?” he said gently, and you nodded, biting your lip. God, he wished he could kiss you right now, hug you close and tell you he loved you and would die to keep you safe. “I’m working on a plan to get us out of here,” he continued. “I promise I won’t make you jump.”
When you sighed and nodded, he squeezed your shoulder gently before turning away.
He was able to get the small desk and coffee table both pushed in front of the door, and he rearranged the setup so the mattresses both leaned against them. Behind him, he could hear you putting things into his backpack, finally.
Namjoon went to his suitcase, on the floor beside his bed. He had a small case hidden under his spare clothes, which he pulled out and set on the bed frame. He noticed you watching him now out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t stop or let himself think about it.
He opened the case and took out his handgun, quickly loading it before pulling off his jacket and taking out his shoulder holster and strapping it on. He stuffed extra rounds into his pockets, as many as he could fit.
Once his jacket was back on and his gun secure and concealed, Namjoon pulled out the bulletproof vest in your size he always travelled with, hidden away in the bottom of his suitcase. He rose, quickly pacing toward you and handing you the vest, which you looked down at like you had no idea what it was.
“Put that on under your jacket,” he said, tucking the rest of his extra rounds into the backpack on top of your toiletries, wallet, and change of clothes. He also saw your iPad in there, which he figured was smart. If these men were after you for your political connections or information about your mother, leaving behind something like a tablet full of information was definitely not a good idea.
“Now,” he said, glancing up at you when he noticed you still just standing there holding the vest.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” you said, jumping into action, as if suddenly realizing he was talking to you.
“It’s okay,” he said, smiling weakly and turning away to give you privacy.
He figured you were most likely in some kind of state of shock, and he couldn’t exactly blame you. He’d been trained for how to react calmly in dangerous situations, while you most definitely had not. He knew how important it was to stay patient but firm with you right now.
When you finished, you made a small noise to get his attention, and he turned back to see you buttoning your blazer back up.
“Ready? Got your pills and everything?” Namjoon asked, zipping up the backpack and pulling it on. He knew you took a birth control pill to help with your periods, along with a low dosage of an ADHD medication, and he knew how much it bothered you to miss doses of either of them. He even had a daily timer set on his phone, since he knew you liked to take them at the same time every day and he could remind you if you forgot.
You nodded, and he glanced down, seeing you still standing there barefoot.
“I think you forgot something,” he said, making you gasp when you realized.
“Fuck,” you mumbled, running back to your suitcase. “I only brought my heels and a pair of slippers for the hotel.”
“Which can you run in?”
“Neither?” you grimaced, worrying your lip as you glanced around the room, as if looking for better shoes to magically appear. “I’d probably be better barefoot.”
“Put your heels on,” Namjoon said, securing the straps of his backpack. “We’re up in the mountains, it’s cold outside. Can you wear a pair of my socks with them?”
“Yeah,” you mumbled, standing in place as you watched him get a pair of socks out of his suitcase.
Once you were ready, Namjoon led you to the back door of the compartment, leading out to the small balcony on the back of the train. Namjoon went out first, gun out, making sure nobody was waiting to surprise the two of you just outside.
When he was fairly sure it was safe, he tucked his gun away and pulled you out by your hand, your hair whipping around your face wildly in the cold wind.
Namjoon wasn’t sure what he was going to do yet. The thought had crossed his mind about jumping, but he’d promised you he wouldn’t make you do that, so that would be his last resort. He knew he couldn’t call for help with any of the train’s staff, since he had no idea if the men had infiltrated or bribed them, and his phone didn’t work here anyway. Triggering any kind of alarm could make the men speed up their plan and let them know he was onto them. He needed to be subtle, but he wasn’t seeing many options.
“Maybe I can decouple the last car,” Namjoon said, more to himself. “The caboose is just our compartment, so if we uncouple it, it’ll just slowly come to a stop, and then we can get off and walk to a town and use the internet there.”
He had no idea how to access or operate that though, since he was sure it was very mechanical and complicated, and that there wouldn’t just be a button labelled “decouple train car” on the wall somewhere. He’d probably need some kind of tools or access code, if it was even possible to do while the train was moving.
“How many men were there?” you asked, your voice quiet. He was still holding your small hand, and he squeezed it gently when he realized you were shaking.
“At least three,” he said, glancing your way. “Probably more.”
You nodded, looking out at the track behind the train. Snow flurries whipped around the car, gently falling to the ground and covering it in a light dust once out of the wind.
Namjoon peeked around each side of the train, half expecting to see men climbing along the side towards the two of you. Instead, he saw the rest of the long train, a thick forest on either side of the tracks, and a mountain straight ahead.
The train was about to go up a hill, Namjoon realized, which meant it’d be going much, much slower. If he remembered this trip correctly, it almost felt like the train wasn’t even moving at all for parts of the steep mountain pass.
Inside, a sudden thud made both you and Namjoon turn around, looking back into the room. Someone had just tried to knock down the door to your compartment, throwing their weight against it. It looked like the lock was still holding for now, and hopefully Namjoon’s barricade would help hold them off for a few extra seconds.
“I think we have to jump,” you said suddenly, making Namjoon look at you in surprise.
“No, Y/N, we’ll find something else,” he said, squeezing your hand again, but he knew you were right.
The train lurched, nearly throwing both of you off your feet as it reached the incline and slowed down dramatically, the engine running louder as the locomotive pulled the train up the hill.
“We need to, now,” you insisted, biting your lip like you always did when you were scared or nervous.
“Fuck,” Namjoon mumbled under his breath, walking up to the balcony’s railing on the side farther from the door leading into your room. You stayed by his side, pressing against him as you both looked over the railing at the maybe two meter drop to the ground. Another loud noise inside the train car made you jump even closer to him, and he dropped your hand and put his arm around you protectively.
“Let’s just do it,” you said quietly, looking up at him. “The train’s going so slow now, we can do it.”
“Are you sure?” he said, even though he knew it was your only option now. There was no going back to uncouple the train, no calling for help, no chance of him fighting off that many trained, armed men on his own without also risking your safety.
“I trust you,” you said, your big eyes so innocent and terrified, and Namjoon wanted so badly to kiss you, comfort you, tell you he loved you, but he held it all in, instead climbing up onto the railing and holding out his hand for you.
“We’ll jump together,” Namjoon said once you’d slipped off your heels, picked them up, and climbed up with him. The two of you now sat side-by-side on the railing, feet dangling over the side of the train. “Try not to tense up. Bend your knees as you land, like you’re squatting or bracing yourself. Think superhero landing pose. Try to jump away from the train a little, if you can.”
Before you could respond, another loud bang rang through the room, making you flinch. You looked up at Namjoon with scared eyes when you heard an American man’s voice yell, “Search the room!”
“Now,” Namjoon breathed, and the two of you jumped together.
The little broken noise you made in pain when you hit the ground would haunt Namjoon’s nightmares for the rest of his life. He’d landed solidly, bending his legs and bracing himself with his hands, but you’d landed barefoot in the snow and had fallen to the side, groaning in pain and trying to be quiet once the immediate shock wore off.
“Fuck,” you moaned, rolling onto your back and bringing your leg up, clutching your right ankle with both hands. You whined in pain, a noise that stirred something deep within him, something protective and primal.
“We need to go,” Namjoon said quietly, picking you up and making you squeak in surprise. He wanted so badly to see if you were okay and fix whatever was causing you pain, but the two of you needed to get away from the tracks as fast as possible. Just one of the men looking out the back of the train could mean life or death for you.
After you reached over and grabbed the heels you’d dropped, Namjoon stood carefully, holding you bridal style against his chest. The snow was coming down a little harder now, swirling in the air and landing in your hair and eyelashes.
He carried you into the forest, running out of sight and away from the tracks. The spot the two of you’d landed on was already covered by the gently falling snow, as if you’d never been there at all, and the train sounded far away already. Namjoon couldn’t hear anyone running or see any signs of life in the quiet forest, but he knew that didn’t necessarily mean you were safe.
Once a few meters away from the tree line, Namjoon walked parallel to the tracks, opposite the direction the train was heading. He held you tighter to him when he felt you shiver, and tried not to shiver himself when he realized he could feel your warm breath on his neck.
After maybe ten minutes of walking, Namjoon set you down on a fallen tree, squatting in front of you and carefully setting your injured foot on his knee. He rolled off his sock you’d put on, slow and gentle as he pulled it around your ankle and heel.
“How’s the pain, on a scale from one to ten?” he asked, his voice soft.
Your ankle was a deep shade of red, but the cold air seemed to help it not swell. He held your leg gently, one hand under your calf to support it and the other under your heel as he looked closer, seeing if any bones looked broken or out of place.
“Maybe a four,” you sniffled.
“Can you move your foot around for me a little, please?” he asked, and when you did it, rotating your ankle and wiggling your toes, Namjoon smiled. “That’s good. If it was broken, you wouldn’t be able to move it, and it’d feel more numb than painful. I think it’s just a sprain. Can you try to put some weight on it and see how it feels?”
You shifted on the log, and Namjoon helped you move forward, moving back a little to give you space. You put your bare foot on the snowy ground, gasping softly and curling your toes at the cold before biting your lip and powering through it. You stayed sitting down, but gently put some weight on it, grimacing as you tested it.
“It feels tender, but it’s not that bad,” you said, relaxing your muscles and letting yourself sit normally with your foot on the ground. “I don’t think I’ll be able to walk in heels, though.”
“I’ll carry you until we get you some walking shoes,” Namjoon assured, not caring if the closest town was a thousand miles away.
You nodded, sniffling a little from the cold air making your nose run. Your cheeks were flushed, and when Namjoon saw you shiver again, he immediately took off his backpack so he could slide off his jacket and wrap it around your shoulders.
“No, you need it more than I do, I already have my blazer and the vest,” you tried to protest, but Namjoon already had your arms in the jacket and was zipping it up for you.
“I’m fine,” he said, picking up your discarded heels and putting them in the backpack so you wouldn’t have to hold them. “You just focus on staying warm.”
“Now you’re just in a shirt, though,” you said, putting your hand on the thin material of his dress shirt over his bicep.
“It’s long-sleeved,” he defended. “Plus you’re the one in a skirt, young lady.” He reached up and tickled you on the back of your knee on your bare, non-injured leg, making you squirm and giggle.
“Fine,” you sighed, smiling as you watched Namjoon set your foot back down on his knee and begin digging for something else in his backpack. He reached in nearly elbow-deep before finally pulling out a little plastic container with a red plus sign on it, which he immediately opened and took out a small roll of gauze from.
“Your ankle will feel better if we compress it,” he explained, unrolling the gauze a little and starting to wrap it around your ankle. “That and the cold will help keep the swelling down, plus when I carry you it’ll be kind of elevated.”
You hummed in understanding, nodding a little, and watched him work as he carefully wrapped your ankle. His hands were so large and gentle, you couldn’t help but stare.
“What are you thinking?” you asked after a moment, and you saw the way his brow furrowed slightly at the question.
“I’m thinking about how we’re gonna keep you safe,” he said, not looking up from your ankle.
“And what’s your plan?” you asked.
He glanced up at you, setting his jaw before answering.
“We’ll walk along the tracks until we find a town, where we can buy some more clothes and other basics,” he said. “We’ll have to stop at an ATM and withdrawal as much as we can, so we can stay off the grid after that in case we’re being tracked through any of our accounts. In town we’ll find wifi and contact the embassy and arrange some kind of pickup or extraction. After that we’ll just need to stay hidden until our ride gets there.”
“Seems simple enough,” you said flatly, “But what if the closest town is hours away? I think you missed the part about us probably freezing to death overnight out here. We’re up in the mountains, remember?” You hadn’t meant to be like that, but your panic rose as you spoke, and you ended up almost shouting by the end of it.
Namjoon didn’t answer, instead just finishing up with your ankle and tucking the end of the gauze in so it’d stay wrapped. You moved your foot a little to get his attention, and when he looked up at you and saw you expecting an answer, he sighed.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said, pulling your sock back on and putting the first aid kit back into his backpack. “I’m sure there are at least buildings along the tracks. And you know how close together everything is in Europe. We’re probably just a mile or two at most from a nice, warm bed and breakfast.”
“If you say so,” you said, making a face at him when he looked up at you.
Once his backpack was back on, you scooted forward a little, holding out your arms for him as he moved to pick you up. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, hugging him as he carried you bridal-style again.
“Where do you think we are?” you asked, holding onto him tighter as he began walking in the dark again. He stayed close enough to the tree line so that he could still see the tracks, stepping awkwardly over fallen branches and tall weeds as he moved.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I think the mountains with no service or wifi are in southern Poland or Slovakia. I never paid much attention to the route, but I’m pretty sure it dips south.”
“I think you’re right,” you agreed. “There’s a mountain range on the border between those two; maybe that’s where we are. There’s no way we’re far enough west to be in the Alps or Dolomites yet.”
He hummed in agreement, the silence after he spoke drawing your attention to the stillness of the forest, the only sounds Namjoon’s breathing and his feet crunching in the snow.
“When we find civilization, we need to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible, whenever we find that town with the nice, warm bed and breakfast I promised you,” Namjoon said after a moment. “A well-dressed woman with a bodyguard walking into town injured and barefoot is going to be weird, and people might talk about it or remember us. You brought extra clothes, right?”
“Yeah,” you said, nodding.
“You can change whenever we’re close. We’re going to tell people we’re a couple on our honeymoon, backpacking across Europe. If anyone asks, we can say we got mugged a few days ago, lost all our credit cards, your backpack, and our passports. That way we can pay cash and won’t have to show our passports anywhere and put ourselves on the map. We’ll say that we already filed a report with the police, but they said there was nothing they could do. We’re on our way to the capitol to talk to the embassy about getting replacements.”
“And if people find it strange that we don’t know what country we’re in?” you teased, reaching up and poking his dimple.
“They don’t need to know that,” he said, smiling so you could feel his dimple better. “We’ll see a flag or license plate somewhere. We can bluff until we figure it out. We’re going to have to avoid people anyway, so we won’t be getting questioned by every person we come across.”
“You sure did think of everything, didn’t you?”
“That’s my job,” he said, smiling, though it didn’t reach his eyes.
You rested your head on his shoulder, snuggling in against him as you felt him squeeze you closer to him.
“We’ll be okay,” he promised. You believed him.
Namjoon ended up being right, which didn’t really surprise you.
After maybe an hour and a half of walking, the two of you spotted a road cutting across the train tracks, and when you reached it, you could see the lights of a town just a little ways away. It looked pretty small, but you could see a gas station and other signs of businesses, and you hoped one of them was that bed and breakfast Namjoon had promised. At this point, though, you’d take anything with heat.
Namjoon ducked back into the forest again and handed you your change of clothes, helping you get a solid footing before turning away and facing the road. You swore that even in the dark, you could almost see his cheeks and ears turning red.
Your change of clothes wasn’t exactly practical. You’d packed the only clean clothes you’d had left, which were a set of pajamas: a pair of shorts and a thin t-shirt. You weren’t sure which was worse, that or the business outfit you’d been in, but at least the pajamas looked like they could be hiking clothes, you figured. Not exactly ideal for snow, but it was the best you had for now. You put on the bulletproof vest and then your t-shirt, moving awkwardly as your socks got wet in the snow and you tried not to put weight on your injured foot.
You still had Namjoon’s jacket, so he tucked his gun into the back of his pants, untucking his shirt to hide it. He put his holster in the backpack along with your dress clothes, and picked you up again to carry you down the road.
His hand was now on your bare leg as he carried you, due to how tiny your shorts were, and you noticed the way he tilted his hand away from you, not letting his fingers touch your skin, ever the polite and professional bodyguard.
You sighed, and Namjoon must’ve thought you were cold, so he rubbed his hand on your arm, warming you up.
“Almost there,” he said, smiling at you, dimple on full display.
When you reached the town, you saw a license plate with “PL” and the European Union symbol, so you figured you were in Poland, or at least close to the border. The town seemed pretty much deserted, all the stores closed and nobody out walking around, though you knew it must be close to eleven at night by now.
Namjoon pointed out an inn a little further up the road, its quaint wooden sign saying “wypoczynkowy,” which you couldn’t even guess at the meaning of. The inn and its sign were both illuminated and inviting, and a small English sign by the window read “vacancy,” which almost made you tear up in relief.
Before heading there, Namjoon stopped at the gas station, seeing an ATM out front. He used his work card and withdrew the maximum amount, which ended up being five thousand of the local currency. Neither of you knew how much that was, and you hoped it would be enough to cover at least one night at the inn.
The two of you ducked into the gas station, and while you sat in the empty little cafe, Namjoon found a sweatshirt for you and a hat for himself, both with a drawing of a mountain and the word “Tatry.” He bought them at the counter, along with a couple snacks, two big bottles of water, and two phone chargers.
Namjoon came back over to you, setting the bag and waters on the table as he sunk down in the chair across from you. You were pretty sure he’d just carried you at least three miles, so you knew he had to be exhausted, despite doing his best to hide it.
“All this only cost like twenty złoty, so hopefully that’s a good sign for this not being an expensive area,” Namjoon said, smiling weakly when you looked up at him. “And I’m sorry, I didn’t see any shoes for sale here.”
“It’s okay. I still can’t get any service on either of our phones,” you mumbled, motioning toward the two devices laying uselessly on the table in front of you. “You think that inn has wifi?”
“Probably,” he said, leaning back in his chair as he cracked open his water. “It seems pretty rural here, but I’d honestly be shocked if it didn’t have internet.”
Namjoon drank half his water in one go, tilting his head back as he chugged it. You stared at the thick column of his neck and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, your eyes glazed over in lust, nearly drooling at the sight. Your eyes quickly un-glazed and snapped back down to the phones as he finished and took a deep breath, sighing as he set his water back on the table.
“How’s your ankle feeling?” he said, crossing his arms as he lounged back in his chair. “You about ready to get going?”
“Better, and yes,” you said, tucking the phones back into the backpack he’d left by your chair. “I should walk the rest of the way, though. I don’t want anyone to know I’m injured, in case people come through asking about us. I feel fine enough to walk.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, sitting up straighter now, his brow furrowed.
“Yep,” you said, getting to your feet and pulling on the backpack, figuring it was definitely your turn by now. Jesus, this thing was heavy – how had he carried both it and you for so long without his arms falling off?
“Okay,” he said, voice unsure but standing up with you. “Hold on to me as you walk, though?”
“I will,” you said, smiling up at him as he came around the table. You pouted as he pulled the backpack off of you and slung it over his own shoulder, though you didn’t push it. You’d let him have this.
Sighing, you took his arm when he offered it to you.
You headed out of the gas station together and up the road towards the inn, wobbling in your heels the whole way. You had a slight limp, though your ankle wasn’t hurting too badly now. Namjoon wrapping it had definitely helped a lot.
You held onto his arm tighter as the cold settled back in, a gust of wind blowing snow in your faces. Namjoon reached over and brushed the snow off your hair, mussing it up in the process, which made you laugh and squeeze his arm tighter.
You were so thankful for him. You wished you could cuddle up to him and kiss him all over his face and thank him for saving you, though you knew it was inappropriate and unwanted. He’d saved your life today, and then carried you for miles in the snow to get you to safety. If you couldn’t kiss him all over, maybe he’d at least let you give him a massage later, to thank him and help ease the pain he must be feeling in his muscles.
“Remember,” Namjoon said quietly as the two of you approached the front of the inn, “We’re on our honeymoon, backpacking through Europe together.”
“How long have we been married?” you asked him, moving to hold his hand instead of holding onto his arm, doing your best to hide your limp as you reached the door.
“Let’s say two weeks,” he said, lacing his fingers with yours.
“Aw, happy two week anniversary, honey,” you cooed up to him as he opened the door, making him roll his eyes and blush as he smiled.
The inn’s small lobby was cute, in a dusty fairytale kind of way. What looked like handmade vases full of fake wildflowers sat in each windowsill, where the yellowed blinds had all been closed for the night. The furniture was all made from the same light-colored wood, the couches and chairs covered in colorful quilts and pink and yellow pillows. In front of you, behind the counter, sat a kindly, stout, middle-aged woman, who jumped off the little stool she sat on when she realized customers had suddenly come in.
The woman said something to you in Polish, her eyebrows near her hairline in surprise, and you winced, putting on your best ignorant foreigner act.
“Hi, do you speak English?” you asked, grimacing awkwardly, and the woman eagerly nodded.
“Yes, hello,” she said, accent heavy and grin wide. “Do you need a room?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Namjoon said, laying on the charm thick. The two of you approached the desk, and he moved to put his arm around you. “Do you have a honeymoon suite available, by any chance?”
The woman smiled knowingly, looking between the two of you with a sparkle in her eye.
“We do,” she said, opening a drawer and taking out an old-fashioned bronze key. “How long will you be staying?”
“We aren’t sure yet, ma’am. Do you have wifi?” Namjoon asked.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, we don’t,” the woman said, “It’s so expensive to get it in this area, so we just have telephones in the rooms, and a wonderful internet cafe just down the road that opens at eight tomorrow morning.”
“Perfect, thank you,” Namjoon said to her, and you felt him move his hand on your shoulder a little, as if comforting you.
“How much is a room per night? And can we pay in cash?” you chimed in then, smiling politely at her.
“Well, the honeymoon suite is one hundred złoty per night,” she said, flipping through some papers on her desk as if double-checking. “That’s about twenty-two euros, or twenty dollars if you’re American. And yes, we accept złoty and euro, in addition to card and traveler’s checks.”
You nearly choked on air hearing that, looking up at Namjoon with wide, excited eyes. Namjoon mirrored your expression, glancing down at you before nodding eagerly.
“Yes, we’ll take it,” he said quickly, pulling out some of the money he’d stuffed in his pocket. “We’ll start with three nights, if that’s okay.” You wondered why he asked for more than one night, but tried not to react in front of this woman. Maybe he was just planning ahead, in case you ended up stuck here in this town for a little while.
“Of course,” she said, taking the money with a smile. “Breakfast is served tomorrow morning at nine. We all eat together every morning.” You glanced toward Namjoon, remembering how he’d wanted to lay low, but he didn’t react, still just listening to the woman with a polite smile on his face. “Your room is on the top floor,” she continued, “You’ll have the whole floor to yourself, and there’s nobody staying in the two rooms underneath right now. Lots of privacy.”
“Perfect,” Namjoon said, winking at the woman and pulling you closer to him, and you were pretty sure both her and your hearts fluttered simultaneously.
“Here’s your key,” she said, her face now bright red. Namjoon took it with a smug smile, dropping his other arm from around your shoulder and holding your hand again.
“Thank you so much for everything,” Namjoon said, practically oozing charm now. He led you toward the stairs, glancing back to smile at the woman again, while you tried your best to hide your limp, thankful the woman seemed much more interested in looking at Namjoon than you.
She hadn’t asked you for ID or even your names. Was that normal for hotels in Poland? What about incidentals? Maybe she was just distracted by Namjoon and forgot to ask.
The moment the two of you were around the corner and out of sight, Namjoon picked you up again, making you gasp in surprise.
“How’s your ankle feeling?” he asked quietly, carrying you up the stairs like you weighed nothing. He definitely earned a massage after this.
“Fine,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I can walk, you know.”
“You saw how tall this building is. It’s probably six floors up. No way I’m letting you walk on a sprained ankle up that many flights of stairs,” he insisted, raising an eyebrow at you when you gave him a look.
Namjoon froze when you both heard a voice behind you, and you both turned enough to look back and see the woman at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the two of you like you were the most romantic thing she’d ever seen.
“Sorry, he’s always like this,” you quickly explained, attempting to laugh lightly. “He keeps insisting on carrying me into our room every night. I don’t think anybody told him that tradition was only meant for the first night of the honeymoon, carrying your new wife over the threshold and all that. He gets so carried away sometimes.”
The woman said something to herself in Polish, putting her hand over her heart and tilting her head to the side, smiling and sighing wistfully. Namjoon leaned in and kissed your cheek, and you willed yourself not to gasp or widen your eyes at the feeling of his plush, warm lips on your skin. The two of you giggled like a couple in love, pressing your foreheads together, and you thought your heart might burst out of your chest.
“It’s our honeymoon, how could I not?” he asked you, his voice sweet and just loud enough for the woman to still hear him.
You waved goodnight to her, and Namjoon resumed carrying you up the stairs, speeding up a little when he rounded the bend in the staircase.
“That was good thinking,” he murmured once he passed the fourth floor, now definitely out of earshot from the woman. You could tell he was feeling tired by the way his arms strained holding you now and how he’d slowed down a lot, but you didn’t push it, knowing he wouldn’t put you down no matter how much you insisted you were fine.
When the two of you got to the top floor, there was just one door, which Namjoon walked up to and bent over slightly in front of, allowing you to unlock the door without him letting go of you. You pushed the door open as best you could, and he turned and walked in sideways, careful not to bump your feet on the doorframe.
You flipped on the lights, kicking the door closed with your non-injured foot, and Namjoon reached down with you still in his arms, making you giggle as he attempted to lock the door and move the swing guard in place without putting you down.
“Having fun?” you asked, reaching up and locking the door for him, putting him out of his misery.
“Totally,” he said, stepping into the room and heading straight for the room’s one very large bed. “Think she noticed you were in shorts, socks, and heels?” he teased as he set you down gently, nearly dropping to one knee in his effort to ease you down as carefully as possible.
“No way. She was too busy lusting after you,” you laughed, kicking off your shoes and vowing to yourself to never wear them again.
“Oh, come on,” Namjoon said, shaking his head as he eased off the backpack. You grinned when you realized he was blushing, though he turned away and tried to hide it, setting the backpack down on the cozy little chair that looked like it was meant for two people sitting very close together. Even though he’d turned away, you could see his ears turning red. Did he not know how hot he was? Did he not realize that most people he met were attracted to him?
“She was totally in love with you. I think she would’ve asked you out if I wasn’t there,” you laughed, relaxing back on the bed on your elbows. The quilt laid over the sheets matched the ones down in the lobby and felt wonderfully soft, like real cashmere.
Namjoon glanced your way, and you swore he did a double-take when he saw the position you were in. You watched him shake his head and focus back on the backpack, where he was currently setting out his spare rounds and putting your bag of toiletries and his on the table beside the bed.
“You should get some sleep. I think exhaustion’s starting to get to you,” he mumbled, his already deep voice lower than normal. You quirked an eyebrow at him but didn’t comment on that.
You were about to say something when he pulled his gun out from the back of his pants, doing something mechanical with it that seemed like checking the rounds inside. He looked so professional and efficient, the muscles in his wide shoulders and thick arms moving slightly as he worked. You swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as you watched him.
He walked around the bed to the desk across the room, where a landline phone sat plugged into the wall. He put the gun down carefully on the table and picked up the phone, and you watched him immediately dial a phone number he must have memorized.
You sat up straighter, pushing your horny, distracted thoughts out of your head and preparing for the serious conversation Namjoon was about to have with the embassy about you being in danger. You watched him standing there as it rang, and he turned back to face you as he waited, giving you a weak smile when you made eye contact.
Namjoon frowned then, pulling the phone away from his ear and glaring at it.
“It said something in Polish, and then it said in English that this caller is out of my network,” he said, hanging up the phone before immediately picking it up and trying again. This time even you could hear how it immediately went to what sounded like a dial-up noise from the 90’s.
He tried again, and you sighed, watching him as he started to get frustrated. You stood, limping over to him, and felt Namjoon jump a little when you put your hand on his arm.
“I’ll go check in the lobby and see if she can fix it or get us another phone,” he said, sighing. He glanced toward the old-fashioned clock on the wall, which read it was almost midnight now.
“Hold on,” you said, catching him by his hand as he turned to leave, making him look at you. “Just stay. Please.” Your voice was quiet, exhausted, pleading. “We can just go to that internet cafe in the morning. Let’s just sleep, Joon. You must be so tired.”
“I need to call the embassy and let them know what happened,” he said, shaking his head a little, his hand still in yours, though. Up close you could see the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulders sagged.
“Please,” you murmured, squeezing his hand. “We’re safe here. Let’s just sleep and call in the morning. If those men had followed us from the train, they would’ve found us in the forest, so I really think we’re safe here. Please, stay with me. Don’t leave me.”
Namjoon bit his lip, sighing as he seemed to consider it. He squeezed your hand back before nodding, some of the concern melting from his tired eyes when he saw you smile.
“Just tonight,” he said, bringing his hand you weren’t holding on to up to stroke your hair back from your face. “First thing in the morning, we’ll make the call. We might have to check out and keep moving tomorrow if it’s not safe here, so we do need to rest.”
“Sounds perfect,” you sighed, letting go of his hand and heading over to the backpack.
You slid off his jacket and laid it over the back of the chair, before pulling off your t-shirt so you could take off the bulletproof vest. Behind you, you heard Namjoon inhale sharply, and when you glanced over your shoulder you saw him turned away, facing the opposite wall.
“Are you planning on sleeping in your dirty dress clothes?” you asked him, taking off your bra before putting your shirt back on. You wanted to start a conversation that could somehow non-awkwardly lead up to you offering to give him a shoulder massage, in a way that didn’t sound inappropriate or too intimate. “I don’t think that’ll be very comfortable, plus you’ll get the sheets all dirty.”
“It won’t matter, since I’ll be sleeping on the floor,” he said matter-of-factly, like it was obvious.
You turned around now that you were fully dressed again, glaring at him, though the effect was lost since he was still facing away.
“Oh no you aren’t,” you said firmly, crossing your arms when he turned to look at you again. “This bed is huge. It could fit five people! You are not sleeping on the floor.”
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine,” he said, unbuttoning the top few buttons on his shirt and making your heart skip a beat. “You just lay down and get some sleep. You need to rest your ankle.”
“Kim Namjoon, if you don’t sleep in this bed, then neither will I,” you said, grinding your teeth and setting your jaw. When he raised an eyebrow at you, you raised one back, challenging him to keep arguing. “It’s up to you. Either we both sleep in this giant bed, or we both sleep on the floor. You walked for miles tonight, carrying a person after jumping off a train. You’re sleeping in a bed, even if I have to make you.”
Namjoon rolled his eyes, kicking off his shoes and unbuckling his belt. You tried to maintain your resolve and not think about the sight of him pulling his belt out of the belt-loops, but he was making it really hard for you.
“Fine,” he grumbled, laying his belt across the chair in front of the desk.
“And don’t even think about getting out of bed and sleeping on the floor after I fall asleep, mister. If I wake up and you’re not still in bed, I’m sleeping on the floor every night for the next week. I don’t care if we’re back home tomorrow night, I really mean it. I’ll do jumping jacks on my twisted ankle too, just watch me.”
“I believe you, ma’am,” he said, laughing a little at your stubbornness.
“Why’d you even ask for the honeymoon suite if you were planning on sleeping on the floor?” you snapped, going over to the bed and throwing the sheets and quilt back.
“I thought a suite would be more private, and it helped sell our act,” he said, taking off his watch and setting it on the desk. “We need to be as believable as possible to stay undercover and inconspicuous. Plus it won’t seem weird if we don’t leave our room, if people think we’re in here… honeymooning.”
“Honeymooning, right,” you scoffed, flopping down on the bed and crossing your arms again, pouting at him angrily.
Namjoon ignored your comment, coming over to the backpack again and pulling out both your cell phones, along with the bag from the gas station with the chargers. He started opening them, walking back to the desk slowly as he concentrated.
You sighed, knowing you’d gone a little too far with your anger. You wanted him to take care of himself and not put himself through any more struggles on your behalf. You were upset with him because he was trying to be professional and considerate, not because he’d actually done anything wrong.
“Hey, Joon,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. Are you okay after carrying me and walking that far? Do you want me to give you a shoulder massage or anything?”
He was plugging both your phones in, bent over as he reached behind the desk to plug in the chargers, and you tried to ignore the great view you had of his ass. You heard him mumble something, letting out a short grunt as he strained and reached, before standing back up and turning to face you.
“No thanks, I’m fine,” he said simply, shrugging. “And it’s okay, really. You don’t have to apologize.” He looked devastatingly handsome, his hair ruffled up a little from bending over the desk, white dress shirt unbuttoned just enough to tease a glimpse at his large, firm chest. You almost groaned at just the sight of him; this was so completely unfair of him, to look this good when you were trying to apologize.
“It’s not okay,” you said, picking up the pillow behind you and hugging it to your chest. “You saved my life today and got me out of there when I was kind of in shock. You wrapped my sprained ankle and carried me for miles in the snow. I shouldn’t snap at you.”
“It’s okay, ma’am. I was just doing my job.”
You blinked as you processed what he said, your lips parting as you felt your heart shatter. Namjoon seemed completely indifferent, just standing there looking at you blankly, and you set your jaw, huffing, trying so hard not to show how devastated you felt by that little reality check.
You were just his job. That’s all you were to him, that’s all your life meant to him, even now. He wouldn’t even let you apologize, because he was so professional and saw you only as a coworker – not even a coworker; he saw you as a task, a thing to protect for money, a job to do instead of a friend or someone who loved him.
You felt silly and stupid for even being upset by this, because of course you were just his job. You already knew this, so why did hearing him say it affect you so much? Why did it feel like a punch in the gut instead of a reminder of something you’d thought you’d already accepted?
When you didn’t respond, Namjoon turned back toward the desk, double-checking that the phones were both plugged in and charging before walking toward the bathroom. You heard the door close and the sink turn on, and you laid down, turning away from the door and curling up into a ball on your side.
You bit your lip as you tried not to cry, hot tears stinging your eyes as your throat and lungs tightened painfully. You felt so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and you tried to tell yourself that being tired always made things feel worse. Tomorrow you’d wake up, feel a little better, and things could begin going back to normal between you and Namjoon.
You told yourself what you already knew, repeating it in your head to yourself as you tried to fall asleep. You’re just his job. He doesn’t have feelings for you. He doesn’t love you.
Namjoon had shared hotel rooms with you a few times before, but never the same bed, never close enough to feel your body heat pulling him in.
He wanted so badly to turn toward you now and spoon you, kiss you all over your neck and shoulder and whisper promises about how he’d always keep you safe, but he knew there were lines he wasn’t allowed to cross. He felt guilty even thinking about it in your presence, like his perverted thoughts alone somehow violated you.
Though laying here now in the dark, listening to your gentle breathing as you slept, he found it hard not to let his fantasies run wild.
He hoped you weren’t uncomfortable by him sharing your bed or what he’d done to maintain your cover. The honeymoon thing, while helpful, definitely hadn’t been necessary, but he hadn’t been able to help himself, seeing it as the perfect excuse to have fleeting moments of intimacy with you, however fake and convoluted.
You’d gone along with it perfectly, and then you’d insisted on him sharing a bed with you when he’d tried to keep everything professional, ever-careful of your boundaries and what would make you feel uncomfortable. He just wanted to keep you safe and happy, and you were being such an angel, as always. His angel, he thought to himself with a lazy smile.
When you’d tried to apologize to him, he’d shut that down immediately. He knew you were stressed and tired and that normally the two of you never even disagreed on anything, so he’d tried to reassure you that everything was fine and that you had nothing to apologize for. He didn’t want you to feel like you owed him anything. You’d been so cute when you were angry, all pouty and passionate, and even when you were upset, you still cared about him and checked on how he was doing, caring about his wellbeing. It made Namjoon’s heart ache.
You’d reacted oddly when he’d told you that it was his job to protect you, your expression becoming unreadable. You were already asleep when he’d come out of the bathroom, so he tried not to think too much into it. He knew you must be exhausted, scared, in pain from your injury, stressed, still coming down from being in shock earlier, and more. You probably just needed a good night’s rest and to get out of this scary situation and back to the embassy.
Beside him, you sighed in your sleep, shifting a little.
Namjoon closed his eyes, mentally replaying the noise you’d just made, that contented, gentle, relaxed, beautiful sigh. He imagined you making that noise as he kissed down your body, spreading your thighs and putting his mouth on you for the first time. What would you sound like when he sucked your clit between his lips, or when he fucked you with his tongue? What would you say when he told you you had the most beautiful pussy he’d ever seen, that you tasted sweeter than honey and that your pussy belonged to him? Would you pull his hair and whine, maybe have that adorable pout on your lips as you looked down at him? What would you feel like when he finally slid his cock so deep inside you, your legs wrapped around him or up over his shoulders, his hands in your beautiful hair as he kissed you breathless and made love to you again and again, until you knew nothing but his name? Your perfect little pussy would squeeze him so hard, and he’d pound into you until you came for him, sighing and moaning and making the most beautiful sounds in the world.
Namjoon groaned quietly to himself, rolling onto his side facing away from you. He reached up and grabbed the second pillow he wasn’t using from his side of the bed, hugging it tight against his chest. It was a poor replacement for you, but he needed to stay professional, and a raging boner and sex dreams about you were as far from professional as he could get.
He had a job to do. He was here to protect you and keep you from being kidnapped or assassinated, not to fantasize about you inappropriately. He’d put his gun in the nightstand beside him, and he reached out and felt the handle of the drawer it was in, memorizing how far it was from him in the dark and where exactly the handle was in case he had to suddenly reach out and grab it. He needed to be ready.
As he tried to relax, Namjoon listened to the sounds of the hotel, the hum of the heater in the corner of the room, your gentle breathing as you slept. It was peaceful, and he already felt himself drifting off to sleep.
Beside him, you sighed again, and at that he closed his eyes and smiled to himself.
When you woke, Namjoon was still asleep, thankfully still in the bed and not on the floor. You’d been serious about your threat and were happy he’d listened, for both his sake and yours.
You stretched a little in place, your ankle throbbing in pain when you moved it, making you hiss and bite your lip. Your muscles throughout your whole body felt stiff, and you wondered if it was from jumping off the train, since it certainly wasn’t from walking.
You turned your head to look over at Namjoon, your heart aching. He looked so peaceful as he slept on his side facing you, his cheeks looking rounder and cuter, his hair all mussed up from sleeping well. He wasn’t quite snoring; it was more of a gentle purr, a quiet rumble in his chest. He’d slept shirtless, you realized, seeing his bare shoulders peeking out from under the covers, and just the thought of that made you squeeze your legs together.
God, you wanted to kiss him. His plush lips were parted and looked so soft, and the adorable noises he was making made you want to lay your head on his chest and feel the vibrations of his sounds. He’d been so warm when he’d carried you last night, like a human furnace, and you wondered if he was still that warm now, if cuddling up to his body heat would put you right back to sleep. You wanted him to hold you forever, the two of you never leaving this bed ever again.
Namjoon groaned to himself, rolling onto his back and stretching. He grimaced when he moved his shoulders, and you quickly closed your eyes when you saw his eyes start to open.
“Y/N,” he said, his voice deep from sleep. “I saw you.” He was teasing you, and when you cracked open one eye and peeked at him, he smiled lazily. “Are you pretending to be asleep?”
“No,” you said, closing your eyes again and trying to hide your grin.
He hummed softly instead of responding, a low noise you felt the vibrations of through the mattress. His head was turned toward you as he laid on his back, smiling contentedly as he just looked at you. It felt intense, so intimate and domestic, and you looked away, feeling a blush staining your cheeks and not wanting him to notice, though you could still see him watching you out of the corner of your eye.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked, and you tried not to look at the way his large, bare chest rose and fell with his slow breathing. You imagined running your fingernails along his skin there, making him gasp and squirm beneath you as you rode him. You sighed, pushing away those thoughts as quickly as they came.
“Good,” you said softly, your own voice groggy and quiet. “You?”
“Good.” He was still just laying there watching you, and you were sure you were bright red by now. “I think we overslept,” he added, smirking a little.
“By how much?” You remembered the kind woman from the lobby’s words about her guests always eating breakfast together, and you weren’t eager to break her rules so soon into your stay.
“It’s almost eleven,” Namjoon said, laughing softly at you when your eyes went wide.
“Jesus,” you said, shaking your head. “Guess we needed it.”
“Yeah,” he hummed, his eyes still on you.
The sheets and quilt had fallen enough for you to see his defined pecs, tiny brown nipples you kind of wanted to put your mouth on, dark hair in his armpit when he raised his arm and tucked his hand behind his head, relaxing. They were such small details about him – you’d certainly never thought about his armpit hair or nipple size before in your fantasies – but you felt yourself becoming wet, your skin feeling hot and flushed. The moment was so intimate, showing you such small details about him and his body that you’d never even considered before. He was here and real. Even just the way his large chest expanded as he breathed made you want to touch him everywhere.
“I think I’m gonna run down to the internet cafe by myself,” Namjoon said then, making your eyes refocus on his face. You really, really hoped you hadn’t actually been staring at his chest when you’d zoned out, or at the very least that he hadn’t noticed. “I can grab breakfast for us and bring it back, and see if there’s anywhere I can get some more clothes for us. Definitely shoes for you, at least. I’ll be gone an hour tops, and you can stay here and stay hidden.”
“Joon, shouldn’t we stay together?” you said, furrowing your brow. “What if they find me while you’re gone? What if they break in and take me?”
“I’ll look around first and see if there’s anything suspicious,” he said. “I can survey a bit before I leave the inn, ask if anybody else checked in or asked about us. I won’t leave you unless I feel like it’s completely safe.”
“Can’t I come with you?” you said, aware you were now pouting at him and giving him the puppy eyes you knew always worked on him.
“You should rest and stay off your feet. You need to recover,” he said, sighing, and your heart skipped a beat as you watched him glance down at your lips.
He was just looking at the fact you were pouting, you told yourself. There was no way he’d actually looked at your lips like that, while shirtless and sharing a bed with you and looking like he wanted you, and there was definitely no way he’d actually licked his own lips while looking at yours. You had to be imagining things.
“I’ll only be gone a little while. I promise,” he said, turning onto his side to face you fully. “Besides, just me walking around will be much less noticeable than both of us, especially if you’re limping. And you shouldn’t walk on your ankle anyway, especially not in those heels.”
You made a quiet humph! sound, crossing your arms and glaring at him with no heat. You couldn’t actually be mad at him, but you didn’t want him to leave you here even for a moment. Namjoon smiled softly, reaching over and stroking your hair back from your face.
“If I leave now, I can be back before noon,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. Your heart was racing now, and you hoped Namjoon couldn’t feel it. “Later, if everything looks safe, we could go sit somewhere. Maybe there’s some place cozy downstairs, by a nice warm fire. It’ll be nice to get out of the room if it’s safe.”
“That sounds nice,” you mumbled, pouting again.
He still had his hand in your hair, and you almost wanted to moan, feeling how warm and soft his big hand was. You wanted him to touch you everywhere, to feel those big long fingers inside you, but he was just being nice and comforting you. You remembered his words from last night: I was just doing my job. It was so hard for you to remind yourself of that now when he was stroking your hair and being so sweet to you.
Namjoon dropped his hand to your shoulder, squeezing once before turning away and throwing back the covers from his side of the bed.
You sighed, pulling the covers around you closer, not at all ready to get up yet as you watched him sit up and swing his feet to the floor. His back was now to you, and you took in a deep breath, letting yourself ogle the broad expanse of his bare shoulders. He had a couple of little moles on his back, just like the ones on his face you’d imagined kissing so many times, and you wanted to reach out now and touch him, trace the constellations on his golden skin with your fingers and lips.
Namjoon stood, and you tried not to gasp as your eyes bulged. Not only was he shirtless, but he’d slept in just his boxers. You figured that made sense, since he’d only had his dress clothes he’d worn to the summit yesterday and they’d gotten kind of dirty in the forest, but seeing him parade around the room now in just one little piece of clothing made your mouth water. His thighs were so muscular you almost moaned out loud, imagining how strong and powerful he must be. He was so big and muscular, it made your pussy ache to be filled.
“I’m gonna borrow that sweatshirt I bought you,” Namjoon said, standing in front of the chair with the backpack, facing away from you. “I think it’ll fit me. I got one a little big for you. That way I’m not in the same weird, dirty outfit I was in last night.”
“Yeah, that’s smart,” you said, your eyes not leaving his ass. You were currently fantasizing about squeezing him there while he fucked you, digging your fingernails in and feeling his muscles clenching and moving as he thrusted, and you almost missed when Namjoon turned around to look at you again.
“I think we passed a cafe on the way here from the gas station. I hope they’re still serving breakfast,” he said, pulling on the sweatshirt. “If not, I’ll get us something like sandwiches or soup.”
“Uh-huh,” you said, glancing down at his crotch in the brief moment his eyes were covered by the sweatshirt as he pulled it on.
“You want extra raisins in your food, right?”
“Yep, totally,” you said, not at all hearing him.
Namjoon smirked, and you looked back up at his face, blinking in confusion.
“Somebody seems distracted,” he said, coming back toward the bed. He climbed across the bottom, sitting cross-legged by your feet. “Is your ankle hurting?”
He pulled the covers off your legs and took your injured foot in his hand, handling it carefully as he held it up to examine it.
“Just a little.” You hoped he actually believed you were distracted from the pain, not from how fucking sexy he was, parading around in his underwear.
Namjoon began slowly unwrapping the gauze, revealing your red and somewhat swollen ankle. You tested moving it, and it ached but gave no resistance. Namjoon moved his hand up, holding your leg up by your calf, and you imagined him moving his hands up even farther and bending over and eating you out. God, you needed to get ahold of yourself.
“Doesn’t look too bad,” he said, glancing up at you. “If you stay off of it, you should heal pretty quickly. Walking as little as possible would definitely help.”
“So are you becoming my butler in addition to my bodyguard and doctor? Just gonna dote on me and carry me around all day?” you said, smirking up at him from where you laid.
The covers were off of you now, and you were just in your tiny little shorts and the thin t-shirt with no bra you’d slept in. You watched Namjoon glance down at your chest and shorts before answering, his voice a little deeper than normal, like when he’d first woken up.
“I already dote on you,” he mumbled, and you swore he was blushing. He looked away from you, down to the floor beside the bed, unable to make eye contact. He gently laid your foot back on the bed, the bottom of your foot against his knee where his legs were crossed.
“You’re so good at it, too,” you teased, pressing your foot against him playfully.
Namjoon blinked a few times, sucking in a breath, before suddenly standing up and walking around the bed. You pouted, not wanting him to leave you yet or quit the teasing game you’d been playing.
“Here,” he said, picking up a pillow that had fallen to the floor by his side of the bed. He came back around and propped up your injured foot, using the pillow to elevate it. “Just stay relaxed like this, and I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Oh, whatever,” you sighed, crossing your arms.
“Do you want your phone before I go, so you can play games? Do you need help going to the bathroom?” he asked, completely serious, and you rolled your eyes at him, laughing.
“Just go if you’re going,” you said, ready to throw a pillow at him.
He smiled, walking back over to the backpack and pulling on his dress pants. You watched him take his gun out of his bedside table and tuck it into the back of his pants before heading out the door.
It took you about twenty minutes of laying in bed alone before you got bored and decided to get up, Namjoon’s advice about elevating your foot be damned. You needed to pee and really wanted to shower, so you got up and hobbled on over to your bag of toiletries, heading into the little bathroom that desperately needed updated and cleaned.
As the shower heated up, you sat on the toilet that alarmingly wobbled a little, staring at the closed door and thinking about Namjoon. You’d never seen him shirtless before, and his big chest muscles and broad shoulders were all you could think about. He was a god, an Adonis, an angel on earth, a marble statue come to life. And where on earth had he been hiding those massive thunder thighs? You’d always known he was a big boy, but good fucking god.
When you got in the shower, you used the inn’s little bottles of shampoo and body wash to clean yourself, groaning at the fact you would probably have to put back on your dirty clothes after your shower. You were grateful to be clean though, and more grateful to have something to do to distract you from your thoughts.
The hot water felt nice, and you stood there for a moment once you were clean, closing your eyes and letting the heat soak into your injured ankle and sore muscles. The water was hot enough to make the whole bathroom steam up, the mirror over the sink fogging up and condensation running down the walls.
Standing there with your eyes closed, you let your mind return to Namjoon and his body. You sighed, remembering how fucking sexy he’d looked this morning with his bare chest on display, and you imagined him rolling over and getting on top of you, covering your body in kisses and touching you with his big, gentle hands. He had such long, elegant fingers, and as you stood there imagining them, you let your own hand drop between your legs, feeling your slick heat and circling two fingertips around your clit.
“Joon,” you whimpered, squeezing your eyes closed tighter, your breathing picking up.
Each flick of your fingers sent a spark of pleasure through your body, and you imagined Namjoon on his knees in the shower in front of you, his mouth on your pussy and tongue moving in and out of you. He’d pull one of your legs over his shoulder, holding your ass with both hands as he fucked you with his tongue, his dark brown eyes focused on your face as he ate your pussy.
Your whimpers and moans echoed off the tile walls of the shower, and you moved your fingers back and curled two of them deep into your pussy, now imagining Namjoon standing behind you and fingering you. You imagined him holding you against his big firm body with one arm, his hand on your tits as he played with you, grinding against your ass with his massive cock.
“Joon, fuck me,” you whined, whimpering with every exhale and imagining him bending you over right here and entering you from behind. He’d fuck you so good, slam against your ass over and over, and he’d take his pleasure from you and make the most beautiful noises, moaning and growling in that deep sexy voice.
Your moans devolved into gibberish noises of pleasure, barely able to say his name anymore as you drew close. You were breathing hard, your eyes closed as you fucked yourself closer and closer, thinking of vague parts of Namjoon and how much you loved him instead of imagining specific scenarios. You thought of his lips, the way he’d carried you yesterday, how sexy his thighs had looked, and came with a cry of his name that you swore shook the walls, your body tensing as you felt yourself throbbing as you came all over your fingers.
As you started to come down from your high, you sighed, rinsing off your fingers under the running water. You smiled lazily to yourself, imagining Namjoon’s lips sucking your fingers clean. You wished you could cuddle with him right now, feeling so contented and satisfied from your orgasm, you swore you could fall right back asleep.
Sighing, you turned off the shower, stepping out and wrapping a towel around your body.
Namjoon had gotten back from his errands a few minutes before, and now sat on the end of the bed, his head in his hands as he listened to you touching yourself in the shower.
Your whines and moans had made him hard in seconds, his lips parting and eyes rolling back in his head every time you made yourself cry out in pleasure. Part of him wanted to pull himself out of his pants now and stroke himself, his cock practically aching for it, but instead he just sat there and listened, committing every second of this to memory.
You were the sexiest thing on the planet, and right now you were making the most beautiful noises he’d ever heard. He imagined barging into the bathroom now and dropping to his knees and fucking you with his mouth. He wanted to more than anything, but he knew you were just letting off steam and doing this to relax. This wasn’t about him, and he would never go there and make you feel uncomfortable.
Still, he had his fantasies. He wanted to eat your pussy so fucking bad, it was something he imagined pretty much constantly. He’d always known he had an oral fixation, but with you, it had become so much more intense, sometimes he only imagined eating you out and not even actually fucking you.
He imagined bursting into the bathroom right now just to throw you over his shoulder, carry you out here, and toss you down on the bed, spreading you open under him and eating your beautiful pussy until you screamed for him. He closed his eyes and imagined it, imagined you pulling his hair and begging him to let you come, but he wouldn’t let you, not until you were in tears and crying nothing but his name and “please.” And then he’d let you come, just to keep licking your pussy through it, through three or four more orgasms, one after another, not stopping even if you screamed in overstimulation.
He wanted to destroy you with his mouth, reduce you to a pathetic crying whore, his angel he’d make fall apart and shatter just so he could put you back together. Maybe you’d squirt all over his face; he’d drink up every last drop of you, never taking his mouth off your pussy ever again.
Namjoon was so caught up in his fantasies, he almost didn’t hear what he swore sounded like you moaning his name. His heart skipped a beat when he heard it, his entire body frozen and eyes wide as he tried to listen, because there was no way in hell he’d heard that right.
“Joon, fuck me,” your beautiful voice moaned so loudly, and Namjoon groaned, his eyes closing and mouth falling open as he came in his pants just from hearing you.
Namjoon looked down at himself, the shock of the situation making him just sit there with his mouth hanging open and eyebrows near his hairline. He’d never blown his load in his pants like that before, not even when he was a hormonal teenager.
More importantly, there was no fucking way you’d actually just moaned his name while masturbating. His fantasies must be turning into actual hallucinations, because it was completely impossible that you were masturbating while imagining him. There was just no way.
He heard your moans crescendo as you came, and he bit his lip, imagining you coming all over his face. He let himself imagine it then, just for a moment, that you were actually touching yourself while thinking of him, and he almost got hard again at just the idea.
The mess in his pants was starting to feel disgusting and uncomfortable, and he desperately wanted to change and get clean. He needed to take a shower as soon as you were out, and he needed to get in there without you realizing he had a giant wet stain on the front of his pants.
When he heard the shower turn off, Namjoon quickly stood, going over to the bags of clothes he’d bought at a little boutique next to the internet cafe. He pulled out some of the ones he’d bought for himself, holding them awkwardly in front of his crotch while he waited for you to come out of the bathroom. Part of him felt guilty for having listened to you, but he tried to tell himself that he hadn’t done anything terrible. This was a shared space. You’d known he was coming back soon. He tried to tell himself that, but it didn’t ease his guilt.
The door opened a moment later and you walked out, wrapping your hair up in a towel. You gasped when you saw him, your eyes wide, and he watched you try to play it off, smiling awkwardly and coming over to him. You were only wearing a towel, your body still dripping wet from the shower, and Namjoon ignored the way a brief fantasy flashed in his mind, imagining himself grabbing that towel and throwing it off to the side before dropping to his knees and making love to you with his tongue.
“Hey,” you said, peeking into the bags of clothes he’d bought. “How long have you been back?”
You’d tried to ask it casually, but he could tell you were on edge. He swore he could smell your scent over the cheap hotel shampoo, and it made his heart rate spike, his jaw setting as he tried to push aside his horny, possessive thoughts. Despite your nerves, he could tell that you were glowing from your orgasm, and he wanted to kiss you so bad his whole body ached from it.
“I just walked in a couple seconds ago,” he quickly lied, hoping to ease your nerves. He stepped around you, heading off to the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower real quick too. Lunch is in that brown takeout bag. Feel free to start without me.”
“You know I’ll wait for you, Joonie,” you said, your eyes sparkling as you smiled at him. Namjoon’s heart ached looking at you, so fucking sweet and angelic and perfect.
“Well, look through the clothes I got you then,” he teased, smiling back to you. “Or better yet, get off that ankle and elevate it like I told you, young lady.”
“Yes, sir,” you said, fake-saluting to him, and Namjoon ignored the way his cock twitched hearing you call him that. He started to turn to head off to the shower, but you casually asking “Oh hey, Joon, what’d you hear?” made him freeze in place.
“Huh? Hear what? I didn’t hear anything,” Namjoon said quickly, turning back to look at you with wide eyes.
You looked confused, tilting your head and blinking.
“I meant, what’d you hear from the embassy?” you said slowly, narrowing your eyes.
“Oh,” Namjoon said, biting his lip and nodding, unable to look up and make eye contact with you. “Uh, yeah. The embassy.”
He made himself be serious, shifting into work mode and speaking calmly as he explained how that conversation had gone, still awkwardly holding his clothes in front of his crotch.
“They passed on the information to your mother, so she knows you’re all right,” he said blankly. “There was, uh, a bit of a situation though, so they can’t come get us yet. Your mother’s fine, but an unknown terrorist group attempted to breach the house last night, so the embassy’s on lockdown. If I had to guess, I’d say it was the same group that had men on our train last night. It can’t be a coincidence that it happened at the same time.”
He waited for a moment, letting you process that. You looked scared for a split second, before taking a deep breath and nodding for him to continue.
“Your mother’s secure at the embassy with the rest of the security team,” he continued, watching your reaction. “They told me to get you somewhere safe and stay hidden, and then in the next few days they’ll arrange an extraction and get you home.”
“Okay,” you said, nodding and looking down at the ground. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, shrinking in on yourself, and the scared look in your eyes you tried to hide made Namjoon’s heart hurt. You shivered, still standing there in your wet towel, and he wanted to go to you and hug you, warm you up, and tell you he’d always keep you safe.
“There’s a bus to Kraków at three o’clock today, and I want us on it,” Namjoon said instead. “It’ll be much easier for us to hide in a city, and it’ll be safer to get away from a town that’s right by the train tracks. The attack on the embassy means this is an even bigger operation than I’d thought, so I want us to play it safe.”
“Who are they?” you asked, ignoring what he’d said and frowning.
“I don’t know. The rest of our security team is trying to figure that out now. They’re working with the Polish authorities and our embassy here to get more information, and to arrange an extraction for you as fast as they can.”
You looked lost in thought, looking down to the ground and frowning again as the gears turned in your head. Namjoon wished he could put his hand on your shoulder comfortingly or do something, anything, to help you feel like things would be okay, but he was still holding his clothes in front of his crotch and didn’t want to risk moving.
“After lunch, we should pack up and get ready to go. We only have a few hours,” you said quietly, setting your jaw. Namjoon’s heart swelled in pride, seeing how determined and brave you looked. His wonderful, strong, brave angel.
“I’ll go shower, then,” Namjoon mumbled, trying to hide his dumb smitten smile and heart eyes as he turned to leave.
Once safely inside the bathroom, he sighed, his entire body relaxing as he turned on the shower and set his clean clothes down on the counter. He braced himself there, staring down at the sink as he tried to collect his thoughts and get ahold of himself.
You hadn’t moaned his name. He had to have imagined it. It was his fantasies coming to life, him projecting his desires onto you unfairly after he’d listened to you masturbating, like a complete pervert. He’d crossed a line today, and the idea of doing something like this to you, choosing to listen to you when he knew you were having an intimate moment, was way too far.
Namjoon bit his lip as he let his guilt overwhelm him. He squeezed his eyes closed, gripping the counter painfully hard and trying to focus only on his breathing.
Why had he not gone out into the hall and waited there once he’d realized what you were doing? Instead of respecting you and giving you privacy, he’d been so selfish, caring only about his fantasies and lust and eavesdropping on you in a moment you obviously didn’t want anyone to hear. He was a pervert, and he’d disrespected you. He’d projected onto you, to the extent of imagining hearing you moan his name. What the fuck was wrong with him?
Namjoon stripped off his clothes, feeling numb. He turned and stepped into the shower, making the water as cold as he could stand it.
He should give your mother his two weeks notice the moment he got you back to the embassy safely. It was the right thing to do, the only way to redeem himself after doing something like this. But the thought of leaving you, of leaving this job where he spent every day by your side sounded worse than any punishment or torture he could think of. Maybe that’s why he should do it: he deserved it, after this.
Namjoon washed himself quickly, trying to calm his mind and not think about you. He tried to tell himself that he hadn’t pressed his ear to the door or gone out of his way to listen to you; he’d just come back to your shared hotel room, and was able to hear you.
That didn’t help him feel any less shitty about the situation, though. As he rinsed his hair and turned off the shower, he sighed, shaking his head in disgust at himself.
He decided it then. Once you were safely home, he would tell you everything. How he felt, that he was in love with you, and that he’d heard you. He’d leave it entirely up to you: if you were uncomfortable, he would leave, and that would be that. It was the only thing he could think of doing that didn’t make him feel like he was lying to you or violating you. It gave him a sliver of hope, while letting him feel at peace with his conscience.
Namjoon dried off and got dressed quickly, trying to push away his stress and worries before coming back out to you. He didn’t want you to feel like anything was wrong, so as he went to open the door, he sighed, making himself smile weakly.
True to your word, you’d waited on him to eat.
After you’d gotten dressed in the clothes he’d bought for you, you’d set out the sandwiches and fruit on the little table in the corner of the room. Namjoon smiled when he saw you standing there setting it all up like it was a picnic or fancy dinner, not takeout in a hotel room. You were now putting napkins and plastic silverware by each of your takeout boxes, your adorable face deep in concentration as you made sure everything looked perfect.
Namjoon swore he’d never felt deeper in love with you than that moment, his heart swelling in emotion.
“Thanks for waiting on me,” he said quietly, tossing his dirty clothes over toward his backpack. You smiled up at him, realizing he was there, and he felt like his lungs and heart were being squeezed by invisible hands in his chest.
“Of course,” you said, sitting down at one of the seats and motioning for him to join you. “It’d be rude not to wait on my hero, who saved my life and got me new clothes and food.”
“All in a days work,” he mumbled shyly, sitting down across from you and ignoring the way his heart sang at hearing you call him your ‘hero.’
The two of you ate in comfortable silence. If you were suspicious about him potentially having heard you when you were in the shower, you didn’t show it at all, smiling to yourself and looking up at him every few minutes, the same friendly smile on your face as always. Namjoon kept catching himself smiling at you and watching you without even realizing, and he really hoped you weren’t noticing. He needed to get ahold of himself.
He was really going to miss this. A few days from now, when he confessed everything and you fired him for being such a perv, he’d look back on right now and all the times like this, when the two of you had wonderful moments alone together, eating or talking or joking with each other. He didn’t want to think about what it would be like once you were out of his life forever; he couldn’t bear to think of it, so instead he glanced up at you, watching you enjoy your lunch and look around the room with a pleasant, relaxed look on your beautiful face.
“I found a bed and breakfast in Kraków I thought we might like,” he mumbled after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “I didn’t book it obviously, but the website said they take cash, and it’s not too far from the bus station. It looked private and off the beaten path, but still safe and clean.”
“That sounds nice. Maybe this time we can actually enjoy the breakfast and not just the bed,” you giggled, making his heart soar.
“We’ll still need to lay low in case anyone’s still looking for you. Kraków is the closest city to where you were last seen.” Namjoon was trying so hard to be serious and professional, but your giggles and good mood and how fucking good you smelled were all short-circuiting his brain.
“Well, maybe on the way out of town when we’re extracted, we can drive by the touristy spots in town, at least. I’ll see everything through a bulletproof window in a car,” you said, making Namjoon laugh.
The rest of the meal was quiet, and afterwards, Namjoon cleaned up, insisting you stay off your foot. He brought a pillow from the bed over, putting on the chair he’d sat in, and brought your foot up, resting it carefully on the pillow. You pouted at him for not letting you help him pack, insisting that your foot felt fine now, and Namjoon just shook his head, smiling.
From there, he packed up his backpack, which was now stuffed full and barely able to close. If he saw an opportunity somewhere, he’d try to get you a bag of your own, so the two of you would look like normal backpackers and you could carry your own clothes. You were pretending to be a couple on your honeymoon, after all. You should at least look the part.
Once done packing, Namjoon got down on one knee and helped you into the shoes he’d found for you, a simple pair of white sneakers he hoped were your size. He was pretty sure he knew your shoe size, and as you slid your non-injured foot into the shoe perfectly, Namjoon let himself sigh in relief.
He tied up your shoelaces for you, double-knotting them and smiling up at you once he was done. He glanced down, suddenly noticing the fact he was on his knees in front of you as you sat, your legs slightly parted. He swore he could almost smell sex on you, and it made him part his lips as he imagined himself leaning in and kissing your pussy over the pants he’d bought for you. He’d inhale you, pressing his face against your cunt and just breathing you in until he got off on just that. He felt savage, like an animal in heat, like he needed to rub his face all over your pussy and mark you as his. That faint smell, undoubtedly from you getting yourself off earlier, was like a drug to him, and he felt like he could get high from it, from you.
Namjoon quickly stood, turning away and clearing his throat.
“We should get going soon,” he said, his whole body tense. He heard you stand up behind him and didn’t dare to look back at you. He didn’t trust himself. “We should get our tickets and make sure nobody’s looking for us near the bus station.”
“Okay,” you said softly, your beautiful voice a siren song pulling him in.
Before he could say anything else, Namjoon felt your small hand on his shoulder. He instantly melted under your touch, the tension leaving his body as he turned toward you.
“Are you alright?” you asked, looking up at him with your beautiful, concerned eyes. You could tell he felt off, because of course you could. You knew him better than anyone, so you could obviously tell he was acting weird.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, his heart full from how sweet you were. “I promise. I’m just worried about keeping you safe.”
“Hopefully, we’re already past the hard part,” you tried to encourage, and Namjoon nodded. He wanted to reach out and squeeze your hand, but knew better.
“Hopefully,” was all he could manage to say. How could he feel completely level-headed yesterday when those men were busting into your room on the train, but now, just standing in front of you, he was a nervous wreck?
“Either way, I know I’m safe with you, Joon,” you said, and Namjoon bit his lip, taking in a deep breath.
You were an actual angel, a goddess among mortals. He was sure of it.
“I’ll always keep you safe,” he murmured, barely above a whisper. “I promise. We’ll get to Kraków by tonight, and we’ll be fine. No matter what, you’re safe with me.”
Namjoon’s heart jumped when you suddenly hugged him, your face pressed against his chest as you squeezed him. He was frozen only for a split second, and then he hugged you back, tightly, securely, and, most importantly, platonically. He wanted you to trust him and feel safe in his arms, because you were always safe with him. He was your bodyguard, your protector, and he had a job to do. His whole purpose was making you feel safe.
You stepped back and smiled up at him, and Namjoon was sure you could ask him to rip out his heart right now and give it to you, and he’d do it without hesitation.
The moment passed, and the two of you began getting ready to leave. It was almost two in the afternoon already, and the bus for Kraków left at three. You had plenty of time to get to the station and get your ticket, and he was glad the two of you didn’t need to rush.
Namjoon put on his jacket and the Tatry hat he’d bought yesterday in the gas station, while you pulled on the matching Tatry sweatshirt. The two of you looked like a couple of tourists, which was smart, he figured. The less you looked like the daughter of an ambassador, the better. The two of you were a young, foolish, cheap couple on vacation. Not a targeted political figure and bodyguard.
When you left the bed and breakfast, Namjoon checked out with the kind woman at the front desk, got a refund for the nights the two of you didn’t stay, and then quietly left out a side door he’d found earlier, instead of directly out onto the main street. He led you by the hand to the back of the inn, and the two of you walked along the town’s secondary road, much smaller and without a sidewalk, but it had much fewer cars passing by compared to the large main road.
It wasn’t snowing today, but a dirty slush still covered most of the ground, especially by the roads. The wind had a sharp edge to it that Namjoon noticed made you shiver. He squeezed your hand, wishing he could warm you up.
At the bus station, he bought two tickets for Kraków, and the two of you sat in the back corner of the empty little station, his arm around your shoulders as the two of you waited. He had his gun in his holster under his jacket, and he felt on edge, watching the door in case the men from the train suddenly burst in. He hated having you out in the open like this, though he knew he had no other choice right now.
“This town is so empty,” you mumbled, nuzzling in against his side. The building wasn’t heated, but at least you were out of the wind.
“Everybody’s probably at work,” he answered, matching your quiet tone. You had no reason to be quiet in this empty room, but it still felt safer. “Plus it’s not tourist season. Maybe they get more visitors in the summer, when people can go mountain-climbing or whatever.”
“We should come back here,” you said, turning toward him. “Once everything’s safe and those men are caught. We could come back in the summertime, maybe.”
“Sure,” he said quietly, wondering if he’d still be in your life then. If you didn’t fire him in a few days, maybe you could come back here together.
The bus rolled up right on time, and you and Namjoon were the only ones to get on at this stop. It would take almost four hours to get to Kraków from here, so you would definitely be arriving after sundown.
Namjoon led you by the hand to the very back of the bus, eyeing every other occupant on the way. There was a young couple cuddled up together near the front, a few elderly people, a small family, a few backpackers. No athletic men with tactical gear or earpieces.
Namjoon had you take the window seat in the back row, and he stored his backpack overhead, still looking around the bus warily. It all felt too easy, but he made himself sit down beside you, settling in for the ride.
It was now a little over two hours into the bus ride to Kraków, and you were pretty sure Namjoon was going to have a heart attack from stress.
You’d tried to hold his hand and talk to him, but you could tell he was on edge. The bus stopped every twenty minutes or so, a few people getting off to stretch their legs, a new passenger getting on every once in a while. It was a completely normal bus journey, but Namjoon didn’t take his eyes off the people outside the bus, the other passengers, even the driver.
The only brief break he’d taken from worrying was at exactly five o’clock, when a silent alarm lit up his phone and he’d reminded you to take your birth control and ADHD medication. Amid all the chaos and being on the run, you would’ve completely forgotten that today if not for him. Even when stressed out of his mind, he was still doting on you.
You understood Namjoon’s concern about the kidnappers, to an extent. You were definitely nervous too, but you felt safe enough. If you hadn’t run into the men from the train yet, you figured it was very unlikely to happen now, in the middle of rural Poland, at the random bus stops in little towns like Nowy Targ and Rabka-Zdrój that you’d never even heard of and definitely couldn’t pronounce. The further you got from the train tracks, the safer you felt, but the more tense Namjoon became.
“We’re fine,” you said, reaching over and taking his hand again and giving him a reassuring squeeze.
The bus was now stopped in Rabka-Zdrój for about ten minutes, and the driver and other passengers had all gotten off to use the bathroom and stretch their legs, leaving the two of you alone.
“I won’t feel like we’re fine until we’re in a locked room in Kraków,” Namjoon mumbled, watching a family with kids outside the bus. You wanted to tease him and ask if he thought that family and their toddler were part of the terrorist group, but figured Namjoon wasn’t in a joking mood right now.
“I was thinking about that, actually,” you said, turning toward him fully, leaning back against the window. You still held his hand in your lap, and you tilted your head, catching his gaze and pulling him away from the suspicious terrorist toddler outside. “Would it be safer for us to stay in a real hotel, one with a security guard and a front desk and everything, instead of a bed and breakfast?”
“I’m worried they’ll expect you to go for a nicer hotel, if they think you’re used to luxury,” he said, still keeping his voice low even though the bus was empty. “But we don’t have to stay in a bed and breakfast. We can go for some kind of hotel, if you want.”
You nodded, figuring that made sense, though you weren’t sure how much it mattered. After escaping the train last night but then having a relaxing night at the inn, you didn’t really feel like you were in danger anymore. They probably gave up on looking for you when they didn’t find you on the train.
You opened your mouth to speak, but froze when you saw Namjoon’s eyes widen in fear.
You looked over your shoulder and saw two tall men, both dressed in black clothing, walking out of the bus station’s little ticket booth. They looked like wannabe FBI agents, right down to the tactical boots and dark sunglasses. One was blond and talking on a clunky satellite phone, while the other, a balding man in his late 40s, had his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes scanning all of the people in the outdoor part of the station.
They stood together, in the middle of the platform, like they didn’t care who saw them.
A passenger from your bus – a tall East Asian backpacker traveling alone – walked out of the bathroom, and the two creepy men both went on alert for a moment, looking at the backpacker as he walked by, one of them saying something urgently on the phone.
The backpacker kinda looked like Namjoon, you realized. The assassin-kidnapper-terrorist-whatever men saw a tall Asian man and went on alert, because they’re stupid and racist Americans, but they were looking for you and Namjoon. If they got on the bus here, they would instantly see the two of you.
The two men realized the backpacker wasn’t Namjoon, one of them sighing while the other said something else on the phone. Beside you, Namjoon looked like he was trying to think of an escape route and failing, the gears in his brilliant mind spinning. The bus had no bathroom, no hiding spots, no exits besides the main one at the front and the emergency window exits. You knew Namjoon wouldn’t hesitate breaking a window to get you out of here, but that wouldn’t exactly be subtle.
“One of them was on the train. The blond one. He was in the snack car,” Namjoon said quietly.
“What are we gonna do?” you mumbled, turning back toward him fully.
“I’m thinking,” Namjoon said, not taking his eyes off the men outside. He was still holding your hand, and he squeezed it once, comforting you.
You glanced back at the men, and your heart stopped when you saw them walking toward the bus. Namjoon quickly reached up and grabbed his backpack, pushing it to the floor in front of him and pulling you down in your seat. The two of you crouched down on the ground, hiding just as the two men stepped onto the bus.
Namjoon had his gun out, you realized, and he turned the safety off as quietly as he could.
Oh, god. He was going to shoot them if they came back here.
You held your breath, resting your shaking hands on Namjoon’s back, your heart racing. He had positioned himself so he was fully between you and the aisle, slightly higher off the ground than you, so you were completely shielded. You couldn’t even see the aisle around him.
The men were on the bus, talking quietly to each other, and you wished you could take off your bulletproof vest from under your clothes and make Namjoon wear it instead. You heard the men coming closer, their heavy boots loud on the rubber floor of the bus.
They were coming down the aisle, walking slowly as they checked each seat.
“They were definitely on this bus,” one of the men said in a stereotypical Midwestern American accent. “The tracer says they’re nearby, too, so they can’t have gone far.”
The tracer? Were they tracking you somehow? You thought of your cellphones, wondering if it was even possible to track someone if they didn’t have data or wifi. By the sounds of it, they somehow knew you were on this bus specifically, other than just tracking your location.
You thought back to when Namjoon had bought your bus tickets earlier today; you hadn’t really gotten a good look at the ticket seller, but you could see him describing you and Namjoon to these thugs, especially for a bribe or under threat. These men could’ve been right behind you this whole time, gotten the information they needed from the ticket seller, and hopped in their car and caught up to the bus, their trace on you confirming it all for them. How else would they know you were definitely on this bus? Had Namjoon mentioned it on the phone when he’d called the embassy?
Regardless, a trace on your phones meant these men had been right on your tails, and you hadn’t even suspected it. Well, Namjoon had, but you hadn’t. If you’d stayed in that little town another day, would they have found you in the inn, burst down the door and killed you in your sleep? Maybe they would’ve killed Namjoon and kidnapped you, held you for ransom or in exchange for secrets about your home country?
You’d been so stupid to think you were safe, and now, they were here.
You felt Namjoon tense, like a coiled spring ready to snap. He took in a deep breath, and you bit your lip, terrified he was about to do something stupid. Maybe the men would leave on their own. Maybe the driver would come back and ask to see their tickets, and kick them off. There had to be something else besides Namjoon putting his life in danger.
Namjoon suddenly jumped up and fired off two shots in less than a second, before you could even move or register he wasn’t in front of you anymore.
A few people on the platform outside screamed, several ducking down, most of them taking off running away from the bus. At least, you thought they’d screamed; your ears were ringing from the gunshots, and now everything was muffled by that and maybe from the shock of the situation. You blinked a few times, your eyes wide and mouth open, your hands still up where they’d been on Namjoon’s back, frozen in midair.
Namjoon stepped out of his seat into the aisle, heading for where the two men had fallen. You stood on shaky legs, unsure of what to do or what just happened, really. Your hands were trembling, your heart racing, your mind empty.
Namjoon had just killed two people. He’d fired his gun and scared everyone outside. The two men here were dead. One of them had been on the phone when he’d been shot, so whoever he’d been talking to had heard it.
You looked over your shoulder and saw the family with the toddler; the mother had picked up the child, clutching it to her chest, and the father had his arms wrapped around his family, looking around in fear as they crouched on the ground. Other passengers from the bus were running away from the station, covering their heads and crouching as they ran. A few were on their cellphones, undoubtedly calling police to report a shooting.
You turned back and saw Namjoon turning off the man’s phone before tossing it into a seat.
“We need to go, now,” he said, coming back to you and grabbing his backpack. “Police will probably be here in a few minutes. I have diplomatic immunity, but we can’t afford to stay here if these guys know what town we’re in.”
“You shot them both,” you said numbly, letting Namjoon take your hand and lead you down the bus aisle.
“Come on,” he said, his voice a gentle murmur as he squeezed your hand. He was trying to rush, but you could tell he wanted to comfort you.
You passed one of the men, the balding one, who’d fallen sideways into a bus seat. He had a bullet hole right in the middle of his forehead, blood rolling down toward his nose. His eyes were still open, his expression not even surprised, like he hadn’t seen Namjoon coming at all and was now frozen in that state. If you couldn’t see the bullet hole, you’d think he was just staring off into space.
You couldn’t look away from the man’s eyes, your entire body frozen before Namjoon could pull you out of it, dragging you along toward the exit. It was like the dead man’s eyes followed you, making unbroken, unseeing eye contact, before you forced yourself to look away.
Namjoon had killed both of these men with perfect headshots. You hadn’t even known he was that good of a marksman. What had he done before becoming your bodyguard? Where had he worked? How many people had he killed?
You figured there were a lot of things you didn’t know about Namjoon.
Outside, the station was now empty, but you could hear sirens far off in the distance. There was a security camera above the door to the ticket booth, and Namjoon quickly ran over to it, pulled out his wallet, and held up his badge that the embassy had given him, the one that showed he was protecting a diplomat. He held it up right in front of the camera for a moment as he looked around the empty station and you walked up behind him.
That was the badge that gave Namjoon diplomatic immunity, but you wondered if it was enough to stop a manhunt after a public shooting. Would local police even care? Was this camera even on and recording?
“Come on,” he said, putting his wallet back in his pocket and taking your hand again. “We need to dump our phones and get away from here.”
“My iPad, too,” you mumbled, and he squeezed your hand, nodding.
The two of you went out to the street, seeing it completely empty. The passengers had all run away, or maybe some were still hiding in the station and you just hadn’t seen them. You were on the outskirts of a little town, but you could see shops and businesses just down the road.
Namjoon led you in a fast walk toward the shops, and then around back, behind the gas station. The two of you took your phones out of your pockets, and Namjoon got your iPad out of the backpack, tossing it onto the ground.
You opened your mouth to say something, but stopped when Namjoon suddenly stomped on the iPad, cracking the screen and crushing the thing. He stomped on it a few times, thoroughly breaking it beyond repair.
“I’m going to factory-reset our phones and leave them here, so they can still think they’re tracking us while we leave,” Namjoon said, slightly out of breath as he still smashed the now misshapen iPad. “I’m destroying this though, so they can’t hack into it and recover any of you or your mother’s information.”
“That’s smart,” you said, flinching as Namjoon gave the tablet one final stomp before kicking it under the dumpster.
He then looked at his cell phone in his hand, typing something, and you stepped over and looked at his screen. Namjoon didn’t tilt the phone away, fully letting you look at what he was doing. You saw the text he’d just sent to the head of security back at your embassy, thankful you at least had cellular data in this tiny rural town.
Resetting and dumping our phones. We’re being tracked. I’ll check in as soon as I can. Don’t text this number again.
After that, Namjoon went into the phone’s settings and factory-reset it, before you did the same to yours.
“Couldn’t we just turn our phones off and keep them?” you said with a sigh, handing your phone over.
“Phones can still be tracked if they’re off or on airplane mode,” Namjoon said, kicking both your phones under the gas station’s dumpster. You heard one of them bump into your smashed iPad. “It takes NSA-level tech to be able to do that, and I didn’t think they had resources like that, but I was wrong. They were able to track us when we had no service, it appears.”
“Do you think they’re with NSA, then? Or the CIA or something?” you said, furrowing your brow.
“I doubt it, but I’m not ruling anything out,” Namjoon mumbled, coming over and taking your hand again. The two of you began walking, and you felt him lace his fingers with yours. “The American government loves to meddle, but to come after you this hard, when you’re not exactly a big fish politically and you’re from a country with close ties to the States… it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I feel like it’s most likely ransom-related, and they’re just some rogue terrorist group or something, especially with the attack on the embassy on top of this.”
You nodded, figuring that made sense. You’d almost forgotten about the attack on the embassy Namjoon had told you about earlier. Your mother must’ve been terrified after that; she would’ve been scared about her home being attacked, and then to hear about you being in danger on top of that? And you hadn’t even texted her before resetting your phone. You owed your mother a huge apology after all this was done.
The two of you walked through a small field behind the gas station, and then were on a road in what looked like a residential area. You began walking down the street, unsure of where to go or where Namjoon was taking you. You just let him lead the way and trusted him to keep you safe. In the distance, you could hear police sirens approaching the bus station. No cars passed the two of you on the street you walked down.
“That was an amazing shot you made, back on the bus,” you said after a moment. “Well, two amazing shots, I guess.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m qualified as a sharpshooter, technically,” Namjoon said, but that only raised more questions for you. “I wasn’t sure I’d still be able to do that with a handgun, but I guess I still got it.”
“Why didn’t you do that on the train?” you said before you could stop yourself.
Namjoon sighed, and you felt him move his thumb on yours a little, almost comforting you.
“Because I didn’t know how many there were, and we were being ambushed. We had the element of surprise here,” he said. “On the train, it could’ve been a dozen men bursting in, all with their weapons ready. I also don’t particularly enjoy killing people, even if they’re trying to hurt you. I will, but I’d rather avoid it if possible. They’re bad men, but their families don’t deserve to lose them.”
You nodded, understanding his reasoning.
The two of you walked about twenty minutes, passing small homes, most with smoke coming out of their chimneys and warm glows from lights turning on as the sun set. It was probably around 5:30 or 6 by now, and the winter sky was already getting dark. Soon, you and Namjoon would be walking around in a small Polish town after dark, with those men still after you. And now, maybe the police, too.
“Hey, look,” Namjoon said quietly, and you looked up at him, seeing him nod his head forward, motioning down the road a ways.
Up ahead, you could see a family packing suitcases into a minivan, skis strapped to the roof of it. They looked like they were leaving for a vacation, and you saw the other car in their driveway, a beat-up old sedan that looked like it was built during the Soviet era.
“Are you thinking of stealing that car?” you said under your breath, your eyes going wide.
“It wouldn’t be reported missing for a while, since they’re leaving,” Namjoon said, raising an eyebrow at you when he saw the look you were giving him. “We could just borrow it, take it to another town’s train station, and leave it there. When they report it missing, it’ll be found right away. I’ll even leave them some money in the car for their trouble.”
The dad at the minivan closed the trunk, and three rambunctious kids jumped into the car, sliding the side doors closed behind them. You heard the mother yell something out in Polish, and she sounded happy. You hoped it wouldn’t stress her out too much, to come home and find the family’s other car gone.
The parents got into the minivan and started the car. They backed out of the driveway and turned, and you realized they were about to drive right by the two of you, and there was nowhere to hide. Namjoon didn’t exactly blend in in rural Poland, so this family would see very recognizable strangers in their neighborhood, and then come back to find their car stolen.
Your heart began racing as you looked around, your eyes wide as you started to panic. Should you run? Should you and Namjoon grab each other and start making out, like people did in movies and romance novels, as some kind of distraction? They’d see you any second now and you were running out of time.
As if he’d sensed what you were thinking, Namjoon squeezed your hand.
“Act natural,” he mumbled, smiling pleasantly. “We’re just a couple on a walk. They won’t know it’s us who took the car, and if they do, we’ll be long gone by then. Acting suspicious will make us stick out more.”
Against your judgment and panicked thoughts, the two of you simply continued walking, hand-in-hand. As the minivan passed the two of you, Namjoon looked down at his feet, the front of his hat hiding his face as he looked like he was just casually glancing down. He swung your hand a little, like the two of you were a couple on a romantic little walk… in the middle of winter, in a non-touristy town, in a residential neighborhood, with police sirens in the distance from the shooting Namjoon just committed.
The minivan was gone, and the two of you kept walking. The family’s house was small, maybe three bedrooms at most, and a spike of guilt rose in your throat like bile at the thought of stealing from them. They obviously weren’t well off, but Namjoon dropped your hand anyway, walking up to the little sedan and peeking inside.
“Keep a lookout,” he said, and you immediately turned away, not wanting anything to do with this.
You looked at the other houses on this street, crossing your arms as the wind picked up. The windows were all empty, at least, as far as you could see. It was around dinnertime, so most people were already sitting down and in for the night, nobody coming or going or looking out their windows. You saw movement in a second-story window across the street, but realized it was just a cat walking across the windowsill.
Behind you, Namjoon was rustling with something, and you wondered if he was just going to shoot the car’s window to get inside.
You jumped when you heard the car’s door open. You spun around just as Namjoon was tucking something metal back into his pocket, what looked like a pocket knife of some kind. He pulled the door open further, threw the backpack onto the backseat, and sat down in the driver’s seat.
You rushed to the passenger side, and Namjoon reached over and unlocked it for you, both of you closing the doors as fast as you could to get out of the cold and out of sight.
“You can’t drive,” you said, rubbing your hands together. “What are you doing on that side?”
“I still need to hot-wire the car,” he said, reaching down below the steering wheel and messing with a panel you couldn’t see.
“You can hot-wire a car but not drive?” you said, almost laughing, and you raised an eyebrow at him when he shot you a look.
“I can drive,” he said as he eased the panel’s cover to the ground and began messing with wires. “I had my license revoked a few years ago, so now I just say I can’t drive.”
“What? What’d you get your license revoked for?” you said, your eyebrows now near your hairline in surprise. Namjoon had always told you that he couldn’t drive because he was scared, and because he was too clumsy to drive a car. You’d never really believed that, given how talented and fearless of a bodyguard he was, but you also hadn’t considered the possibility that he’d lied to you about it.
“Reckless driving,” he said, winking at you as the car suddenly roared to life, the engine starting up and heat thankfully turning on.
“Should I be worried?” you laughed, watching him ease the panel back into place below the steering wheel.
“I’m usually a safe driver. There was just an incident a few years ago, before I started working for you. I needed to get out of somewhere fast, and cameras caught me breaking a few traffic laws,” he explained.
“How many is a few?” you said, buckling your seatbelt as Namjoon eased the car out of the driveway and went opposite the way the family had gone. “Don’t they usually just give you a warning before revoking your license?”
“Okay, maybe more than a few traffic laws,” he said, glancing over at you. “And I might’ve caused a few accidents while driving recklessly.”
“Were you in a car chase or something?” you asked, and when he didn’t answer immediately, you gasped, laughing as you tried to imagine it. Namjoon, speeding through a city, causing accidents and breaking laws and getting his license revoked.
“Anyways,” he said, pulling onto the town’s main road now, “I can drive. The rest isn’t important. We’ll follow traffic laws so we don’t get pulled over.”
“Where are you taking us, anyway?” you said, relaxing in your seat. The sky was becoming dark now, and Namjoon turned on the car’s headlights, illuminating the empty road in front of the car. He was following the speed limit exactly, his hands perfectly on the wheel like he was taking a driving test.
“West,” he said, his eyes not leaving the road. “They thought we were going north to Kraków, so we’re going a completely different direction. We can go to a train station, and then maybe head into the Czech Republic or Slovakia. A train will be much faster than a bus, and we can try to get to a larger city and then on a direct train that won’t stop as much.”
“Are we going to try and go all the way home on our own?” you asked, and you watched Namjoon clench his jaw as he thought.
“If we have to,” he said. “My priority right now is just getting you far away from here.”
After that, the two of you drove in silence for a while, the Polish countryside a dark blur outside.
The family’s car had no radio, and the heat stopped working about twenty minutes into the drive. You found a little piece of paper with what looked like a grocery list, along with a pen, so you wrote on the back “I’m sorry, we needed your car for an emergency” on the back and tucked it into the cup holder. You were planning on holding Namjoon to his promise of leaving money for the family, and would have to make sure the cash was hidden, so nobody else tried to steal their car after you ditched it.
After about an hour and a half of driving, you tilted your head back, your eyes falling closed. You really didn’t want to fall asleep, but outside the car was only darkness, and Namjoon didn’t appear to be in a talkative mood. You blinked slowly, trying to will yourself to stay awake, but you knew it was a losing battle.
Namjoon’s hand came over and rested on your knee, squeezing once.
“You can sleep,” he said quietly, and you looked at him, seeing him glance your way with a sweet smile. “I’ll drive, and you just rest.”
You sighed, unable to even answer him. You didn’t know how you were this tired; you’d slept until almost noon today, and then sat around a hotel room and then on a bus. Still, you felt yourself dozing off, and this time you didn’t stop yourself.
You’d only slept about a half an hour before you felt Namjoon park and turn off the car. You groaned, stretching in place, and heard him laughing a little beside you.
“Sleep well?” he asked as you rubbed your eyes and let out another little groan.
“Mmm,” you hummed instead of responding, still attempting to open your eyes.
It looked like Namjoon had stopped in a parking lot beside a river. To your left, you could see a large, lit-up sign saying “Merkury Market” and pointing away from the river. Through the trees on the riverbank, you thought you could see lights of more buildings.
“Where are we?” you grumbled, unbuckling your seatbelt.
“The town’s called Cieszyn,” he said, taking out his wallet. He tucked five hundred złoty under your note in the cupholder, shrugging because you both had no idea how much that translated to. It seemed like a lot, but you had no idea. You wished for it to be worth a thousand euros. “I wanted to leave the car in Poland, so it has a better chance of getting back to the owners. We’re right across the river from the Czech Republic. There’s a train station on that side that can take us to Ostrava, and then we can get on a direct train to Prague or Vienna, maybe even Berlin.”
“How do you know all this?” you said, giving him a look, and he smiled to himself.
“I’ve traveled and lived all over,” he said cryptically, and when you raised an eyebrow at him, his smile grew. “Okay, and I stopped and asked a little old lady for directions to a train station. I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up, me rolling down the window and talking to her.”
You laughed, stretching again as you finished waking up. Namjoon somehow turned off the car, messing with the wires again, and then reached to the backseat and grabbed the backpack before stepping outside.
You followed, shivering the moment you stepped out into the cold. It was windy here by the river, and you hoped the train station wasn’t far. You were just thankful your foot wasn’t hurting anymore.
Namjoon locked the car before shutting his door, and came over and took your hand. You were pretty sure you were safe here, but you still liked him holding your hand and touching you. You remembered what he’d said earlier. No matter what, you’re safe with me. You believed him wholeheartedly.
Namjoon led you past an old building, a restaurant with “Pizzeria Wenecja” painted on the side, and you held his hand as tight as you could. His hands were so big and warm, easily enveloping yours, and when he felt you shiver, he brought your hand up, holding it with both of his hands now.
The two of you walked across a large cobblestone bridge, and at the other side there was a small sign saying “Český Těšín.” You weren’t sure what that meant, but you knew the difference between Czech and Polish enough to know you weren’t in Poland anymore.
It crossed your mind then that today, you’d technically stolen a car and crossed international borders. Namjoon had even killed two people! Despite your fear of those men finding you, it was all kind of exciting. You felt like a badass international criminal, the kind of person who drove in exciting car chases like Namjoon. You just hoped that family would get their car back, though. Some criminal you were, worrying about things like that.
You and Namjoon walked in silence for about ten minutes, following the signs that had a little symbol of a train on them. You wondered what Namjoon was thinking about, glancing over and seeing him looking around, his eyes scanning the area as you walked. He looked at every person you passed, every car, every license plate, every window and storefront, his jaw clenched and mouth in a tight line, as if he were in deep concentration. He was supposed to be acting like a man on his honeymoon, happily strolling to the train station with his wife, but he was in bodyguard mode, not willing to let his guard down even a little.
“Joon,” you murmured, squeezing his hand. “Relax. I know we need to stay alert, but you look like you’re about to have a stroke.”
Namjoon didn’t respond, but he gave you a weak smile, squeezing your hand, too.
When you got to the train station, Namjoon was able to get two tickets for Ostrava, the closest big city he’d told you about, with some spare euros he’d had on him. Neither of you had any Czech koruna, so you were thankful they took euros too. You’d have to find a currency exchange somewhere soon.
The train station’s small gift shop sold backpacks and took złoty, euros, and even dollars, so you bought one, a little pink thing you were pretty sure was actually meant for kids. It was plain and didn’t have logos, but you noticed the zippers were sparkly and came with a unicorn keychain. Namjoon also got two waters and a bag of pretzels, which you assumed was going to be your dinner.
You sat together in the back corner of the station, your train not for another half an hour or so. You worked on moving some of your things from his backpack to yours, attempting to carefully work around the extra rounds for Namjoon’s gun, not wanting to jostle them too much or let anyone else in the station see them.
As you worked, Namjoon looked around the station, studying every other person in the large room.
“People are going to think you’re weird,” you whispered to him, elbowing him lightly in the ribs after you zipped up your new little backpack.
“I’d rather be weird than ambushed,” he mumbled back, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him. Your heart skipped a beat at his gesture; he hadn’t acted this couple-y since last night, checking in at the bed and breakfast.
“What’s the plan once we get to Ostrava?” you said, turning toward him as well as you could. He still had his arm tight around you, his hand rubbing little circles on your shoulder.
“I’m thinking we could go to Vienna,” he said, like he was deciding what to do right now as he spoke, making it up as he went along. “I have a friend there who owes me a favor, and he’ll have a place we can stay.”
“That’ll definitely be unexpected,” you mumbled, looking down at your hands in your lap. You wished you had your phone, so you could tell your mother you were okay, or at least have something to do to pass the time. “Do you think we can get there tonight, or will we have to stay somewhere and continue tomorrow?”
Namjoon looked at the clock on the wall and you followed his gaze, seeing it was almost eight. Your train was at 8:05, and it would take about an hour to get to Ostrava.
“It’ll be late, but I think we can make it,” he said. “The ticket seller said there was a connecting overnight train to Vienna, and another to Prague if we decide to go that way. I think it’ll be best to keep moving.”
“Okay,” you said, sighing. “How long will that take?”
“Ostrava to Vienna is about five hours.”
“Ugh,” you groaned, sinking down in your seat. This was going to be a long night.
Namjoon squeezed your shoulder, like he was trying to make you feel better.
“We’ll get dinner at the station in Ostrava, and you can sleep on both trains. I’ll keep a lookout and make sure you’re safe.”
“What about you?” you said, turning toward him again. You could see the dark circles under his eyes, and you wondered if his shoulders were still hurting from carrying you yesterday.
“I’ll get some coffee in Ostrava to keep me up,” he said simply. “Don’t worry about me.”
“I slept on the drive here. It’s your turn to rest, Joon,” you said, aware of how silly you sounded.
You wanted to help him and let him get some rest, but really, what could you do if those men showed up while Namjoon was sleeping? You’d never held a gun before. You’d never even taken a self-defense class, though Namjoon had suggested it on more than one occasion. You felt like a child or old lady: completely, utterly, annoyingly helpless. It made you feel foolish and like a burden, though you tried to tell yourself that this was literally the whole point of Namjoon’s job, to keep you safe in situations like this.
“Thank you, but really, it’s okay,” he said, smiling at you. “You can rest if you want when we’re on the train. I’m fine.”
“I’ll stay awake with you,” you grumbled, crossing your arms and pouting.
You glanced over and saw Namjoon still smiling at you, his eyes glancing down at the pout on your lips. You wondered if he was going to make fun of you for pouting, but the train pulling into the station made you jump in your seat, the horn suddenly blaring through the wall behind you.
“That’s our ride,” he said, standing up and offering you his hand. You reached up and took it, letting him help you to your feet.
The ride to Ostrava was completely uneventful.
Namjoon had only been able to get the cheapest seats available, which were right by the bathroom at the back of the first train car. The smell wasn’t exactly pleasant, and you wondered when the last time the bathroom was cleaned.
Namjoon kept his arm around you the entire time, you in the window seat and him by the aisle. You couldn’t complain, enjoying his warmth and closeness and loving his protectiveness. Well, he’d always been protective of you, but this, how borderline-possessive he was, made you almost shiver in excitement. He was acting like a protective boyfriend, and it made you want to giggle and turn toward him like a teenager in love.
You needed to stop being so silly, you told yourself as the two of you got off the train in Ostrava, your hand in his again. You were in a deadly situation, and you were acting like an idiot. You needed to pull your mind out of the gutter and your heart out of clouds. Namjoon was being overly cautious, eyeing everyone the two of you passed, while you only had eyes for him. You needed to focus and stop being foolish, at least until you were somewhere safe.
It was so hard, though, with how safe Namjoon made you feel. You kept catching yourself looking up at him and sighing wistfully, before shaking your head and making yourself look at the other people in the train station too.
When you went to the bathroom, Namjoon waited right outside, arms crossed over his large chest. He would probably terrify anyone who passed by, but when you walked out, drying your hands on your pants after washing your hands, you smiled up at him like he was the moon and all the stars in the sky.
From there, Namjoon led the way to a little currency exchange machine, where he got nearly three thousand of the local koruna for five hundred złoty. You had no idea how much either of those numbers meant in currency familiar to you, but based on all the signs you could see that listed prices, it was more than enough for tickets and dinner. Eastern and central Europe weren’t expensive, so you took a moment to be thankful you weren’t currently traveling through somewhere like London or Paris.
The two of you got tickets to Vienna and then dinner, sitting in a little cafe near your platform. Namjoon was throwing back a large black Americano, while you nursed a small coffee too, much to Namjoon’s disapproval. He’d insisted again that you could sleep on the way to Vienna, but you ordered your coffee and he couldn’t stop you.
By the time you finished dinner, however, your hands were trembling from the caffeine. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought with a shaky sigh.
After eating, Namjoon took you back into the main part of the station, and then, to your surprise, over to a different platform than the one your train was scheduled to leave from. The sign above the entryway here said Praha, Hlavní Nádraží – 11:10, and you knew Praha meant Prague, but you weren’t sure why Namjoon would’ve brought you over here.
“Joon?” you asked, looking up at him.
“Hold on,” he mumbled. He held your hand tightly, his fingers laced with yours, but his eyes searched around the platform, looking for something or someone.
You opened your mouth to question him, but stopped when he suddenly stepped forward, pulling you with him.
“Hello, sir, do you speak English?” Namjoon called out to an elderly man sitting by himself on a bench. The man nodded, and Namjoon continued politely, “My wife and I were mugged yesterday, and we lost our cellphones. Would it be okay if I borrowed your phone, just for a second, so we can call our hotel? It’ll only take a moment, and I’ll stay right here the whole time so you don’t think I’m running off.”
“Sure,” the old man said, apathetic. He looked like he wouldn’t even care if Namjoon did run off with his phone.
“Thank you so much. Děkuju,” Namjoon said, nodding to the man and taking the phone with both hands, smiling innocently.
Namjoon took your hand again and pulled you just one step away from the man, who immediately started dozing off. You watched Namjoon dial a number from memory and then held the phone up to his ear, waiting.
After a moment, you heard someone answer, their voice a cartoonish mumble.
“Hey, it’s Kim,” Namjoon said quietly, his eyes now scanning the platform for anyone potentially watching the two of you. “She’s safe. We’re in Ostrava, Czech Republic. We’re headed to Prague and should get there in a few hours. Our train leaves at 11:10.”
You looked up at him, tilting your head.
“Yeah,” Namjoon said in response to something you couldn’t hear. “Yeah. When we get there, I’m thinking the Grand Hotel Europa. That one right off Wenceslas Square. It’ll have security and all that, and they won’t expect her to hide somewhere so nice.”
You raised an eyebrow at him, and he raised one right back, smirking to himself.
“Okay,” Namjoon continued, his voice serious. “I’ll call as soon as I can. I got a burner phone, but I’m still worried someone’s tracking us. I’ll probably dump this phone when we get there, as soon as I can get another burner. Yeah, no contact unless there’s an emergency. Perfect.”
You almost wanted to laugh. Namjoon looked smug, like he was proud of how clever he was, and you supposed he deserved to feel proud after coming up with all this.
Namjoon hung up the phone after signing off, and you crossed your arms, looking up at him expectantly.
“Thank you so much again, sir,” he said, turning back to the old man and returning the cellphone. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, okay,” the man said, pocketing his phone and rolling his eyes.
Namjoon took your hand and the two of you went back into the station, and then over to the platform that said Vienna, Wien Hauptbahnhof – 10:00.
“You going to explain your big evil plan now, mastermind?” you asked, the two of you sitting down at the very end of the platform. You both took your backpacks off and set them down by your feet.
“They think we’re going to Prague, and that phone is going to Prague, too,” Namjoon said simply, shrugging.
“No, I got that. I meant why you lied to our own security team about where we’re going.”
“We need to know if anybody’s listening in on their end. Our embassy phones are supposed to be secure, so now we’ll see if they really are,” he said, watching the end of the platform, where two young women came in and sat down. He continued, “The thought also crossed my mind that someone at the embassy could be working with the men after you. I thought it would be best to trust only ourselves and stay off the grid until we can contact your mother directly on a secure line, or until they figure things out.”
“You actually think someone in our security team is a mole? Wouldn’t they have already helped the terrorists get into the embassy by now?”
“Potentially,” Namjoon said, putting his arm around your shoulder, like he was a boyfriend or husband cuddling up with his lover. “But I want to make sure. Wenceslas Square has a live feed people can watch anywhere in the world, since it’s a big tourist spot. I’m going to try and get ahold of something with internet in Vienna and watch it all day tomorrow, and we’ll see. If our friends show up there, we’ll know we can’t communicate with the embassy, because there’s a mole or because someone’s listening in. Either way, this will prove it.”
“Unless they hack into this station’s cameras and see us get on the train for Vienna,” you said. You ignored how he somehow already knew which spots in Prague would have a live feed.
“They have no reason to think we’re lying. I doubt they’d bother, since we gave them all the information they need.”
“And what if they track down that old man in Prague? Since they’re tracking his phone now.”
“Even the best, most advanced government-grade trackers aren’t that exact. It’ll only lead them to a general area, like a building or city block. And I said I was planning on dumping my burner phone, so that man will go wherever he’s going, and they’ll think that was me dumping the phone. By the time they realize we’re not in Prague, we’ll be settled in and safe.”
“Well, you’ve certainly thought of everything,” you said, almost wanting to laugh.
“That’s my job,” he said proudly. He became more serious, sighing before continuing, “We stayed all night at that inn with our phones on, and they didn’t show up. They didn’t know where to look until I called the embassy and said where we were. It might’ve taken all night to get into our phones, or it might’ve been my call to the embassy that made them know where to start looking. Either way, it’s not a risk I want to take. I want us to be as careful as possible from now on, taking all precautions.”
You looked up at him. This close, you could see three tiny moles on the right side of his face, a constellation across his cheek.
“I trust you,” you said, not breaking eye contact with him.
You watched him set his jaw, his expression flashing dark before he looked down and away from you. You almost would’ve sworn he was blushing.
“Like I said earlier, you’re my priority. Something weird is going on here, and I don’t want to trust anyone but you.”
“And your friend in Vienna who owes you a favor?” you teased.
Namjoon almost rolled his eyes before catching himself, shaking his head, like just the memory of this friend made him want to laugh.
“And him. I wouldn’t trust him under most circumstances, but I do trust him with my life.”
“How ominous,” you said, giggling. “And oxymoronic. A friend you don’t trust with anything but your life. Would you trust me alone with him?”
“Absolutely not,” Namjoon laughed. “He thinks he’s a real ladies man. He’ll steal you right out from under me, and I’ll be out of a job.”
You wanted to tell him that all of the attractive and eligible suitors in the world combined couldn’t steal you from your Joon, but the train for Vienna pulled into the station, screeching to a halt in front of you.
You both picked up your backpacks, heading onto the train the moment the doors opened, holding hands again.
Despite all the excitement and coffee, you were asleep within fifteen minutes of the train pulling out of Ostrava.
Namjoon looked over at you as you slept. You’d lolled to the side, resting your head on his shoulder, and he relished the moment, feeling your gentle breathing as you leaned on him. You looked so precious and small, but he knew how fierce and brave you were. You were his everything, his whole world, and just looking at you sleeping so peacefully made his heart swell in emotion.
As the train zipped through the Czech countryside, distant dots of light marking villages and highways, Namjoon tried not to think about what had happened earlier today. It had been way too close of a call on the bus. Those men could’ve killed him, and then they would’ve taken you or hurt you.
He had no idea what their intentions were, but he knew he’d die to keep you safe. If they somehow caught him and you got away, he’d let them torture him, and he’d never give up even one word of information about you or your whereabouts. He was your protector, and that meant something to him. His life revolved around you, and the only thing that mattered was your safety and wellbeing.
You were hugging his arm in your sleep, and Namjoon smiled to himself. He resisted the very strong urge to turn and kiss the top of your head. That’d be crossing another line, and he’d already crossed too many of those in the last twenty-four hours. He wasn’t a hormonal teenager. He had self-control.
Still, this close, Namjoon could smell the cheap hotel shampoo you’d used, along with your own scent underneath. He closed his eyes for just a moment, leaning his head back against the headrest and letting himself have a few seconds. The two of you were in the very last train car, and nobody else was in this car or the one in front of it. He felt safe enough to close his eyes for a moment, especially since he didn’t feel sleepy at all.
You smelled so fucking good, just your scent made Namjoon feel high. He didn’t turn his head and smell your hair directly, but fuck, he wanted to. He felt like such a pervert, especially since you were sleeping, so trusting and innocent, hugging his arm like a teddybear. He imagined a version of himself where he’d let himself smell your hair like a complete creep. He’d plant his nose and mouth right in your hair and inhale you, maybe rub his face around so he could get your scent all over him.
That thought made him think of another part of your body he wanted to inhale, and he stopped himself, opening his eyes and staring at the back of the seat in front of him. The last thing he needed was an erection to hide, in case you suddenly woke up. His depraved thoughts made his heart rate spike, but he couldn’t do this now. Not in public, not around you, not when you were in danger.
You sighed in your sleep, snuggling in against him, and Namjoon bit his lip and wondered if this was the universe punishing him for being such a pervert. You’d hugged his arm tighter and accidentally pulled his hand into your lap, between your legs. He’d imagined his hands there a million times, but this was wrong. You were sleeping, and you’d never actually want him like that.
Namjoon quickly pulled his hand away, back to the safety of the outside of your leg. He looked out the window at the dark countryside, the moon a thin sliver of light low in the sky, and he wondered what he’d have to do in his life to deserve an angel like you.
Three in the fucking morning.
You yawned to yourself, not bothering to cover your mouth as you and Namjoon walked through Vienna’s main train station, nearly empty at this late hour. Or rather, this early hour. You felt like a zombie, barely able to keep your eyes open as Namjoon led you by the hand outside, but the blast of cold air and snow that hit you the moment you stepped out woke you right up.
For some reason, Namjoon didn’t want to risk a cab, so the two of you were walking to wherever his friend was. Part of you wanted to pull the whole “I twisted my ankle the day before yesterday, remember?” card, but your foot didn’t actually hurt. Not your ankle, at least. As you and Namjoon walked forever, though, the bottoms definitely started to ache.
“Do you think we’re safe now?” you asked after a while, glancing over your shoulder at the empty street and sidewalk.
“I won’t think we’re safe until we’re back at our embassy,” Namjoon said, not slowing down, “And even then, I might not let you leave your room until every last one of those men are dead or in prison.”
You huffed, too tired to laugh.
“I’m sure that’s completely reasonable and not at all overreacting.”
“That’s my compromise,” he said, smiling in a way you knew was just teasing, swinging your hand as he held it. “If I had my way, I’d take you somewhere far away, where nobody could find you, and you’d never leave my sight again.”
“Sounds reasonable,” you laughed, rolling your eyes and ignoring the flutter in your heart his words gave you.
The two of you were quiet for a moment, cutting down a side street through the labyrinthine old town Namjoon seemed to have memorized. Your footsteps echoed off the cobblestones, the imposing baroque buildings hanging over you like gargoyles in the night. This part of town had old-fashioned streetlamps, and you wondered if someone came around and lit them manually every evening.
“So who’s this friend of yours we’re going to?” you said after a moment.
“His name’s Jin. It’s a long story, but he owes me a big favor,” Namjoon explained. “He owns a hotel here, a real nice one, like you wanted to stay in.”
“He owns a hotel?”
“I know. He’s probably worth more than your mother is.” He looked up, seeing something down the street and nodding toward it. “There’s his hotel.”
You looked where Namjoon gestured, seeing a grand masterpiece of architecture towering above all the other historic buildings. It reminded you of the Plaza in New York and the Ritz in Paris, not that you’d ever stayed at either – the luxury that oozed from this place just made you think decadence, luxury, class, and expensive.
“You’re friends with the guy who owns this place?” you said, your eyes wide as you looked up at the grand entrance as the two of you approached. If you were friends with the owner of a place like this, you would’ve cashed in that favor years ago for a free year-long vacation here.
“Yeah. Jin’s like a brother to me,” he said, opening the door for you, and you almost gasped out loud at the sight before you.
The lobby was so opulent, you almost felt like your presence lowered the property value. Large crystal chandeliers hung from the high ceiling above, the grand entryway full of cream-colored furniture and vases taller than you. The walls all had what looked like antique wallpaper and intricate white crown moulding, the details lined with what you were sure was real gold.
“We can trust him,” Namjoon continued quietly, leading you through the empty lobby by the hand. “And like I said, he owes me a favor. He’ll help us. He always used to work the night shifts, so it’ll probably be him we speak to. Oh, there he is now, perfect.”
You looked to the grand check-in desk where Namjoon was gesturing, seeing a handsome Korean man sorting through some papers. He looked trustworthy, but more than that, he looked elegant and proud of his work. You wondered how a young Korean person came to own and run such an upscale hotel in Vienna, if it was family money and a passion for this city, or if he was raised here perhaps.
Who you assumed was Jin looked up, and you stopped in place when he suddenly gasped as he saw Namjoon.
“No,” Jin nearly yelled, pointing at Namjoon. “No way in hell. Whatever you want, no. Get out of my hotel.”
“Hyung,” Namjoon said, sounding like he was about to start bargaining.
“Do you know how much you cost me the last time you were here? I had to take out a loan to patch up all the bullet holes!”
“I had no idea,” Namjoon said, glancing over his shoulder toward the door. There was nobody else in the lobby and nobody out on the street, but you knew he was still being careful and wanted to not cause a scene, even if there was no audience. “If you’d told me, I would’ve helped.”
“I’ve seen how you ‘help,’ asshole,” Jin said. He looked like he was about three seconds away from calling the police.
“Were you in the mafia or something?” you laughed, looking up at Namjoon.
“No, and can you please both lower your voices?” Namjoon hissed, bringing you in closer to the desk. Jin took a step back, glaring at Namjoon.
“Get out of my hotel,” Jin said, thankfully quieter now.
“I just need a room for the night. That’s all,” Namjoon said. “I have about eight hundred euros worth of Polish money, and it’s all yours for that room, and for us to stay off the books. I can send you some more once we’re safe. I’ll find a way to pay you back.”
“Do I even want to know why you have that much Polish money, or why you’re being so shady?” Jin asked.
“He’s my bodyguard,” you cut in quickly, glancing up at Namjoon. His eyes went wide and he shook his head at you, but you continued. “My mother is an ambassador, and some bad men are after me. Namjoon’s just trying to keep me safe and hidden until the embassy can help us.”
Jin looked from you to Namjoon, narrowing his eyes.
“Yeah, and last time, Namjoon was a billionaire from Daegu, and look how that turned out for me,” Jin scoffed.
“Billionaire from Daegu?” you questioned, tilting your head.
“It was a cover,” Namjoon growled, glaring at Jin.
“Oh my god, were you a spy?” you whispered a little too loudly, thankful the lobby was empty.
“Hyung,” Namjoon said, stepping in even closer to Jin’s desk as he ignored your question. “You owe me a favor after what happened with Yoongi.”
Jin’s eyes widened, and you looked between the two men, trying to figure out their past together.
“You’re an asshole for bringing that up,” Jin said.
“And you’re an asshole for being so rude to a diplomat when she’s running for her life,” Namjoon growled back.
None of you spoke for a moment, the two men glaring at each other and you just standing there awkwardly. Outside, you heard church bells chiming, echoing through the city, announcing it was now four in the morning.
Finally, Jin let out a breath, almost laughing to himself. He shook his head, looking like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to help or punch Namjoon.
“Are you really a bodyguard now?” he said, crossing his arms. “After everything that happened, you just disappeared. Is this where you’ve been all this time?”
“Almost four years now. I guarded other people before her, but I like having stable, long-term work.”
Jin was quiet for a moment, before eventually sighing, like he was being overdramatic just to show how much the two of you inconvenienced him.
“Fine. But only because it’s the off season and I have a lot of rooms.”
Namjoon started to take out his wallet, bur Jin raised one hand, stopping him.
“Keep your Polish money,” he said. “Just be gone by tomorrow afternoon.”
“I’ll try,” Namjoon said. “But it will all depend. I’ll probably need a few days; I really don’t want to risk moving her until it’s safe. Her life is on the line, hyung.”
“Yeah, yeah, somebody’s life is always on the line,” Jin said, rolling his eyes. He began rustling around behind the desk, looking for something. “Fine. Whatever. But after this favor, never come back to this country.”
“The whole country?” Namjoon laughed, shaking his head. “But I like Austria.”
“So do I. I like it even better when you’re not in it,” Jin said, setting an old-fashioned golden key on the desk in front of him. The tag said ‘613’ in rich calligraphy, and the key itself looked like it was from the turn of the 20th century.
“Thank you,” Namjoon started, reaching out for the key, but Jin pulled it back away from him, making Namjoon listen to him before handing it over.
“Stay in your room. I’ll have meals sent up. I have a feeling it will be better for my hotel if you’re seen as little as possible,” Jin said. “There’s a phone in your room if you need it. It’s a suite, so it’ll have a kitchenette too.”
“Wow, thank you,” you said, taken aback by his generosity.
“Nobody but me and the one staff I have bring up your meals will know you’re here. But please… stay in your damn room until you leave.”
“Can do,” Namjoon said, grabbing the key from Jin’s hand. “Can you also wipe the security footage of us coming into the lobby? And the one outside, if you have access to it? That’d be really helpful.”
“You’re an asshole,” Jin growled, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Namjoon wink back at Jin, which only seemed to annoy him more.
“Do you have a spare phone I can borrow?” Namjoon said, and you thought Jin might explode. “Maybe a tablet or something?”
“You really know how to wear out your welcome,” you teased, making Jin smile.
“It’s important,” Namjoon assured Jin, smiling smugly.
“I truly hate you,” Jin said, reaching under the desk and pulling out an old tablet in a clunky black case that had the hotel’s name and logo on the back. You wondered if it was supposed to only be used by hotel staff typically. “You know, this is starting to seem like more than one favor.”
“I guess I’ll owe you a favor after this,” Namjoon said, taking the tablet and tucking it under his arm.
“My favor will be you never coming back to Austria,” Jin said, writing something down on his check-in sheet. You leaned in and looked at what he’d written, seeing Room 613 – maintenance. “Maybe I’ll ask for all of Central Europe.”
“That’s a little much, don’t you think?” Namjoon laughed. “I’ll leave you this neighborhood in Vienna if you’re lucky.”
“You ever heard the phrase ‘biting the hand that feeds you,’ Joon?” you mumbled, elbowing him in the arm.
“I like her,” Jin said, genuinely smiling now.
Namjoon opened his mouth to reply, but Jin cut him off.
“Get out of my lobby, asshole. I don’t want to see you again until you’re leaving for good.”
Once you and Namjoon were safely in your suite, he moved a side table in front of the now locked and bolted door, checking the locks three times before determining the room was secure.
You slid off your backpack and set it down on the couch. The suite had a separate living space with a sitting area and kitchenette, and then what you assumed was a bedroom with a bathroom beyond that. The decor was elegant and looked expensive, royal, and refined, not unlike the lobby and the hotel’s owner himself.
“So,” you said, watching Namjoon putting the tablet down on the small dining table. “You said Jin’s like a brother to you?”
“Brothers bicker sometimes,” he said, though you saw the small smile he was trying to hide.
“The two of you seem to bicker a lot,” you said, throwing yourself down in one of the fancy armchairs in the sitting area. You slid off your sneakers, now dirty after walking around all day, before propping your feet up on the table that was probably built in the 1700’s. “Seems like there’s a lot of history between the two of you.”
“It’s a long story,” was all Namjoon said, coming over with the tablet and sitting down on the couch, the closest spot in the room to where you sat.
“Care to share that long story?” You tilted your head, giving him your infamous pout and puppy eyes.
He laughed dryly, shaking his head. He was focused on something on the tablet, maybe the live feed of that square in Prague he’d mentioned, and he didn’t seem to be planning on answering you any time soon.
“Were you a spy, Joon?” you said, narrowing your eyes at him.
“No.” He sighed, looking up at you. “I was not a spy,” he said in a way that made you one hundred percent sure he was definitely a spy.
“Oh my god, you were,” you cackled.
“No, I wasn’t,” he said, “And if I was, I obviously wouldn’t be able to tell you, would I?”
“You totally were. You used to be a spy, and then something happened here at Jin’s hotel, a shootout maybe, with all those bullet holes he mentioned, and you decided to leave the spy life and become a bodyguard instead.”
“What makes you think I would’ve left after getting some bullet holes in Jin’s fancy hotel?” he said, not looking up at you from the tablet. “I think you overestimate how much I care about this building.”
“Something with Yoongi, then?” you said, and instantly regretted it.
Namjoon sighed, closing his eyes. He set his jaw and almost looked angry, tossing the tablet aside and leaning back on the couch as he took a deep breath, one hand taking off his hat and the other running through his hair. His large chest expanded as he breathed for a minute, his head tilted back and eyes closed. You knew he had to be exhausted physically from the day you’d just had, but he looked like you’d emotionally exhausted him in just four words.
You had no idea who Yoongi was or what he’d meant to Namjoon, but you knew something had to have happened, based on how Jin reacted earlier and Namjoon’s reaction now. Something happened to him, or with him, related to something Jin did, and Namjoon was still angry or upset about it all these years later. Potentially. You could tell by the context earlier that something bad had happened.
Maybe Yoongi had been Namjoon’s partner when he was a spy! Had something happened to this Yoongi person, and that was what made Namjoon leave the spy business? Was Yoongi dead? Maybe Yoongi and Jin had betrayed Namjoon, or Jin had done something that cost Yoongi his life?
You stopped yourself. Your sleep-deprived brain was thinking way too much into things. It wasn’t any of your business, and it was clearly a sore spot for Namjoon. You didn’t even know if he was even a spy for sure, and if he was, Yoongi could’ve been anyone. All you had to go off of was that something had happened that made Jin feel guilty, and Namjoon didn’t want to talk about it.
It didn’t matter. You wouldn’t ask Namjoon about it, or anything related to his maybe-spy life. It wasn’t your business. If he wanted to tell you, he’d tell you on his own.
Namjoon never answered you, instead just standing up and walking into the bedroom. You heard him rustling around, maybe checking the room out and making sure it was safe or something.
After a moment, he came back out into the main room. He closed all the blinds after checking that the windows were secure, examined the edges of the mirror and all the picture frames, ran his finger along the lampshades. You weren’t sure what he was up to, but figured it had something to do with his paranoia and keeping you safe. You wondered if he’d learned these tricks back during his top secret maybe-spy life you weren’t letting yourself speak about.
As you watched him, your exhaustion hit you like a train, your body sagging as you thought over how long today had been. This morning, you’d woken up at that cute bed and breakfast in that little town in Poland, Namjoon half naked beside you. Now, you were melting down into your chair in Vienna, your eyes half-closed as you watched him zipping around the room. He had dark circles under his eyes too, but you were sure he’d never let himself rest until he knew the room was safe.
“Are you going to shower tonight or in the morning?” he eventually said, standing in the doorway between this room and the bedroom.
“I feel gross, but I think I’d pass out if I tried to shower,” you said, glancing at the clock on the wall. Almost 4:30 in the morning, and it felt like it.
“Same,” he said, his voice soft. You looked up at him, seeing the warmth in his eyes as he looked at you sitting there. If he’d been mad or annoyed about you mentioning Yoongi, he didn’t show it now. He continued, his deep voice a gentle murmur, “Come on. Let’s go to bed. The Prague live stream has the option to go back up to twelve hours and play it at double speed, so I can catch up on Wenceslas Square when we wake up. We’re safe here.”
You stood, your bones feeling heavier than normal and eyes barely open as you dragged yourself over to the bedroom. Namjoon put his hand on your back as you passed him, and you were almost too sleepy to feel the butterflies in your stomach from just that.
“Close your eyes,” you mumbled. You didn’t want to sleep in dirty train clothes, but your only other option was dirty forest clothes, so you just took off your sweatshirt, your t-shirt, the bulletproof vest, and your pants, dropping them on the floor before pulling the t-shirt back on and clambering into into the bed. The bedroom was just as fancy as the rest of the hotel, the king bed so large it was nearly square, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care or even look around as you pulled the covers up to your chin.
Beside the door, Namjoon cleared his throat, glancing down at your clothes all over the ground. You were still in a t-shirt and underwear and you were now fully under the covers, and he’d slept shirtless and just in boxers last night, so you didn’t care if he felt prudish now. If he could sleep in just boxers, you could sleep in your undies.
You couldn’t even open your eyes now, but you heard Namjoon turning off the lights in both rooms and pulling off his own clothes. Something hard was set down on his side table, and you figured that was his gun. Straps coming apart followed. His gun holster. You sighed as you heard him undoing his belt, then clothes rustling and his pants falling to the soft carpet.
He climbed into bed behind you, and you wanted to look at him and see if he was shirtless, curiosity piqued in your sleepy brain, but you didn’t have the energy, and Namjoon turned off the lamp on his side of the bed, plunging the room into darkness.
You smiled lazily to yourself, imagining Namjoon shirtless as you let yourself drift off to sleep.
Namjoon hadn’t slept this soundly in what felt like years.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should force himself to wake up and be alert. You were still in danger. He should be watching the Prague live stream, or looking out the windows here in case anyone suspicious approached the hotel. He should eat and get protein so he could fight if someone burst into the room. There were a lot of things he should be doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
You shifted, letting out a little moan in your sleep and nuzzling back into his arms, and Namjoon’s eyes suddenly snapped open.
He was spooning you. His arms were around you. Your bare legs were tangled with his. His face was buried in your hair, his nose right behind your ear. The two of you were so close, he couldn’t tell where you ended and he began.
This was wrong. He was violating you. He hadn’t meant to and would never do something like this on purpose, but his body had wrapped around yours in his sleep, and now he was very awake, his heart racing and eyes wide as he tried to will himself to calm down. He had a semi, not full morning wood, and he didn’t know how he wasn’t rock hard. He must’ve slept very deeply, because now that he was awake, his blood was on fire.
His hands were in respectable places too, at least. One rested on your stomach, over your t-shirt, and the other was beside you on the bed, your small hand resting in his. He felt your fingers move a little in your sleep, and he wondered if you were dreaming. You shifted again, your ass pressing against him harder, and his mind instantly went somewhere dirty as he closed his eyes and fought to suppress a groan.
He imagined himself with his hands on you, maybe lifting your leg up and sliding into you from behind. Like this, he could touch you everywhere, maybe kiss your neck or bite your shoulder, and he could whisper right in your ear all the things he wanted to do to you. He could fuck you like this and reach down and rub your clit, and you’d be so good for him, his sweet little angel he loved so much. He could worship your body like this, make you fall apart in his arms just so he could put you back together.
Namjoon felt his cock twitch, and he instantly shut those thoughts down. He needed to untangle himself and get far away from this bed, now.
He tried to pull himself away, but you let out a sad little moan, holding onto his hand and tangling your legs with his even further. Your free hand came down and held his over your stomach, and you settled in against him again, grinding your ass fully against his cock and making him close his eyes and bite his lip. You were still fully asleep, your light snoring coming back just a moment later, but you were not letting go of him.
This was so inappropriate. You’d wake up and be disgusted by him, especially if he couldn’t make his erection go away. He tilted his hips away from you, at least getting that away, even if you still had all of his limbs hostage.
He could feel you breathing in his arms and had to close his eyes again. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Y/N,” he said softly, right in your ear. His voice was deep and groggy from sleep and he resisted the urge to clear his throat. “I need to get up.”
You moaned back to him, sounding annoyed, and your hands tightened their grip on his. He hoped you wouldn’t wake up, because he didn’t want you to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. He just wanted to slip away and go take a nice cold shower.
“I’m going to get up now,” he murmured, and this time you let him pull away from you, thankfully.
Namjoon sighed as he got out of bed, shaking his head. He reached back and made sure you were all tucked in, not wanting you to get cold while he was gone. You looked so snuggly and warm, and a huge part of him just wanted to climb back into bed and hold you some more, but he knew it was inappropriate. He needed to be strong.
Namjoon picked up his clothes from yesterday and headed into the bathroom, grabbing the tablet on his way. He turned the shower on and pulled up the live stream, clicking back to where he’d left off the night before and setting the video at double speed. He didn’t take his eyes off the screen until he finally made himself pause it and shower.
It was only ten in the morning now, which meant he’d slept about six hours. No wonder you were still sound asleep. He didn’t feel tired, though, especially not after waking up with your soft, perfect body in his arms, your warmth seeping into his bones, your scent all over him.
He smiled to himself, letting the water run through his hair. He’d decided against a cold shower, instead letting the warmth of the water spread through him like your body heat had. He was still hard, and he sighed as he reached down and wrapped his hand around his cock, running his hand up and down it slowly and thinking about the way your perfect body had felt in his arms.
“Y/N,” he sighed, his hand moving faster now, biting his lip as he imagined you in his lap, bouncing on his cock as he kissed your perfect breasts. Maybe you’d throw your head back and moan his name, or whimper and beg him to fuck you harder. Your tits would fit perfectly in his hands, and he’d squeeze them, massage them, feel the weight of them as he thrust up into you.
His fantasy shifted and he imagined you on your knees in front of him, your lips wrapped around his cock and his hands in your hair. He’d fuck your mouth like he was mad at it, holding you by your hair and watching the way he slid between your lips. He’d have you stop with his cock buried in you to the hilt, your nose pressed against his pelvis and chin against his balls, and he’d stroke your hair and tell you how perfect you looked with his cock down your throat. Maybe you’d moan for him like that, just so he could feel it.
Namjoon groaned, throwing his head back as stroked his cock and thought about your lips. Your mouth was so fucking perfect, he just knew it’d be so soft and tight, and you’d swallow around him like a fucking angel, because you’d know just how to get him off. You’d be so fucking good for him, Namjoon’s whole body tensed at just the thought.
“Y/N…” he moaned, and then he climaxed, his body shivering and mouth falling open as his cum hit the tile wall in front of him. Breathing hard, he watched it slowly dripping with the condensation from the shower, letting out a deep groan as he imagined his cum on your face and chin instead. He’d rub the head of his cock on your lips, smearing it around and claiming you as his.
Namjoon finished his shower, his body humming pleasantly and muscles relaxed after what he’d just done. He thought about you, only you, as always, his mind overflowing with his fantasies, his memories of little innocent things you’d done over the years, the way you made him feel when you smiled up at him.
As he turned off the shower, he realized he was smiling to himself.
Once he got dressed again, Namjoon grabbed the tablet and started taking stock of the supplies the two of you had, closing the door to the bedroom so you could continue sleeping.
You both had phone chargers and no phones, but these chargers also worked on the tablet Jin had let him borrow. You had a few weeks worth of both your medications, and he had his first aid kit. You each had a bag of toiletries, and your passports you couldn’t use without putting yourselves on the map. You had no clean clothes, nothing to do, nothing to eat until Jin had food delivered, and no more euros, if Namjoon could even sneak away from the hotel to use them. He had his Polish money, around eight hundred euros worth. He had his gun and several mags full of bullets.
Namjoon found a small pad of paper, and wrote a short note to Jin. He’d pass along the note to whoever delivered breakfast.
We only have the clothes on our backs. I can give you money for more clothes if you want, but we really need some clothes, desperately. You’d have to exchange the Polish money for euros, but it’s still cash.
We’d also greatly appreciate some snacks if you’re feeling extra generous. Y/N loves chocolate and sweets, and I don’t hate them either.
Namjoon had exaggerated a little – the two of you also had your change of clothes from the forest, so not just the clothes on your backs – but Jin didn’t need to know about that.
Namjoon wrote down his clothes size and yours, along with a few suggestions like pajamas, underwear, casual clothes, things that wouldn’t stand out if the two of you had to go in public. Just a few changes each, to last as long as you were stuck in this suite. Though Namjoon had a bad feeling that you’d need to keep moving sooner than he hoped.
He set the tablet down on the table, pressing play and sighing. In the other room, he could hear you gently snoring.
You definitely had not slept soundly.
The first time you woke up in the night, you felt Namjoon spooning you, and you wondered if you’d died and gone to heaven. His large, firm, strong arms around you, you’d never felt so safe and protected. You felt like you were his.
The second time you woke up, you heard Namjoon turning on the shower. You listened to him for a minute, wondering what time it was and if you should get up too. You still felt sleepy, but maybe after a day like yesterday, you’d feel tired for weeks.
After a few minutes, you started to doze back off, but your eyes snapped open when you swore you heard Namjoon moaning.
You tilted your head, listening hard, and gasped when you heard the sound of him definitely masturbating, very hard by the sound of it, due to the fact his hand moving was audible over the running water and through the wall separating the bedroom and bathroom.
Oh, god. You should plug your ears or go into the other room. He thought you were asleep! He would never do this if he thought you could hear him. This was so beyond inappropriate, and you were being inappropriate by listening to him. This was so wrong.
But you were a bad person, and so you just laid there and listened to him masturbating in the shower. You heard his moans crescendoing, and then your heart stopped when you heard him definitely, clearly, undoubtedly moaning your name.
You gasped as you heard him cum, your eyes wide as you froze and tensed up. Your panties were now completely drenched, your mind replaying what you’d just heard over and over as you heard him breathing hard and coming down from his high.
You heard him turn off the shower, your mind still racing and heart beating out of your chest.
There was no fucking way. You had to have heard him wrong. Maybe he knew someone else with your name! You had to be wrong. There was just no way Namjoon was masturbating and moaning your name. It was impossible, because that would mean he was attracted to you, and you knew he wasn’t because he was Namjoon, the perfect, sexy, unattainable bodyguard you’d spent the last few years head-over-heels in love with. He was so far out of your league it was laughable, and you knew he wasn’t interested in you. He just wasn’t.
But you knew what you’d heard, and you couldn’t stop your brain from replaying it over and over.
Namjoon opened the door, and you closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep. You heard him pick some things up and head into the separate living room, closing the door quietly behind him on his way out.
Your mind raced for a few minutes, but sleep eventually reclaimed you, your fatigue sinking back into you and knocking you out again.
The third time you woke up, hours later, you made yourself get out of bed, pulling on yesterday’s dirty pants and wondering if Namjoon could somehow ask Jin for more clothes. You refused to think about what you’d heard earlier, because you were pretty sure it was just an elaborate sex dream you’d had, and you hadn’t actually woken up and heard him. It was the only logical explanation.
You headed out into the main room, where you saw Namjoon sitting at the table, a piece of toast in his hand and the tablet on the table beside him.
“Hey,” he said, motioning toward a plate of food set out at the other seat, assumedly for you. He was acting completely normal, and you could smell the fancy hotel soap on him and wished you could just sit in his lap and smell him. “I was just coming to wake you up when I heard you walking around. Breakfast got here about five minutes ago.”
“Cool,” you mumbled, plopping down in the chair across from him.
Jin had sent up toast, scrambled eggs, assorted cut fruit, and thick cuts of bacon, despite the fact it wasn’t currently morning. Beside your plate were three little bowls with different kinds of jams and preserves, a glass of orange juice, and a steaming cup of coffee. In the middle of the table was a pot of hot water with a little tray of various bags of assorted tea, and a small bowl of honey and honeycomb.
“I saw our friends in Wenceslas Square,” Namjoon said, and you looked up at him, surprised by how casually he’d said that.
“What?” Your brain was still foggy from sleep and Namjoon maybe moaning your name, so him pulling you back to reality and talking about the men after you made you sit up straighter.
“Here, look,” he said, sliding the tablet across the table to you and taking another bite of toast, which he’s spread marmalade on. The stream was paused at 4:07 in the morning, and Namjoon pressed play.
You watched four men dressed in dark, casual, nondescript clothing walk across the empty square, right to the large yellow building with a “Grand Hotel Europa” sign. Two of them headed for the front doors, the others standing guard outside.
“See how they’re all wearing the same black boots?” Namjoon said, zooming in for a second. It was blurry and grainy, but they were definitely all in similar boots. You never would’ve noticed if he hadn’t pointed it out, given how popular combat-style boots were as fashion. “The shoes are always a giveaway. They’re tactical. Probably bought in bulk by the looks of it,” he joked.
Namjoon zoomed back out as two of the men went into the hotel. One of the others sat on a bench by the entrance, while the other walked out of view of the camera. He came back a few seconds later, and you realized he was pacing the square.
“They still haven’t left,” Namjoon said. He reached over and turned the speed setting up to play it twice as fast. The two men who’d gone inside never came out, and you wondered if they’d rented a room, or maybe were going door to door in the hotel or bribing the front desk. Namjoon skipped ahead a few hours, and the one on the bench outside still hadn’t moved, but now had a newspaper. The one pacing had sat down in the outdoor part of a café next door to the hotel, and was sipping coffee.
Namjoon skipped ahead again, now having it play live. It was one in the afternoon, and both men still sat right where they were hours before. Part of you wondered if they were cold, sitting outside in winter for that long, or if the one at the café was annoying the waiters by squatting so long.
“What does this mean for us?” you said, not taking your eyes off the screen.
“It means we can’t communicate with the embassy at all.” Namjoon finished off his toast before wiping his hands on the fancy cloth napkin and continuing. “Either we have a rat, or these guys are listening in on our security team. I’m not sure which is more likely.”
“What about my mother? If someone in our security is working with these men, she’ll be in danger.”
“I don’t know how we can warn her without immediately giving up our location to anyone listening in,” Namjoon said, sighing. “If we try to contact her or warn the rest of the security team, they’ll know where we are and come after you right away.”
“And if they don’t find us in Prague, won’t they look to the last place they knew where we were, the train station in Ostrava, and check the cameras and see us going to Vienna?”
“Exactly,” was all Namjoon said, taking a long sip of his coffee.
“So we should keep moving soon, then?” you suggested, wanting him to elaborate a bit more.
“I’m thinking tomorrow morning, maybe. If they hadn’t shown up in Prague, we could’ve stayed longer, but I’m sure they’re starting to suspect we aren’t there. Maybe they’ll think I lied, or maybe they’ll think we just went to a different hotel in Prague and wait for me to check in and tell them. We should always assume they know more than we think they do, though.”
“So we should assume they’re already on their way here to this hotel?” you said, and Namjoon cracked a smile.
“Maybe not that much. They’d have to have already seen us going to Vienna, then followed us through the whole city, since we walked and used so many side streets. That’s a lot of different business’ security cameras to hack, and there could be blind spots where they won’t know which way we went. It should buy us some time, but we shouldn’t stay here long, just in case.”
“Where do we go from here?” you said, and you watched him set his jaw, the gears in his brilliant mind spinning.
“I’m not sure. Have any ideas?”
You looked down at the plate in front of you, thinking.
“We can’t leave the Schengen area,” you said slowly, nodding to yourself as you spoke. “If we do, we’ll have to show our passports, and that will put us right on the map. Can’t travel by plane, and we should try to avoid places with lots of cameras, just to be safe.”
“Good,” Namjoon said, smiling just enough to show a peek of dimple, as if he were proud of you and the way you were thinking.
“If we go any farther West, things will start getting a lot more expensive,” you continued.
“I could borrow money from Jin,” Namjoon suggested, grinning when you raised an eyebrow at him.
“I think he’d slap you if you tried to ask for money,” you said, before laughing and saying, “Unless you tell him you’ll take a bribe to never come back to Austria.”
“I could do that.” You saw a sparkle of mischief in his dark eyes and knew he’d definitely be lying if he told Jin that.
“Even if we get money from him, we should still be frugal. We won’t know how long we’ll have to make it last,” you said. “Should we go to Slovenia? Or maybe head into the Austrian countryside? Maybe we could get into Switzerland–”
“Switzerland is very expensive,” Namjoon commented, taking another sip of his coffee.
“Okay, not Switzerland.” You thought for a moment, before a lightbulb went off over your head. “I got it! What if, right before we leave Vienna, we call my mother to warn her about the security team leak, since we really should do that, and then we went back into the Czech Republic? It’s one of the cheapest countries in central Europe, and they wouldn’t expect us to backtrack like that. If we’re on the run, they’d expect us to try and get farther away, right?”
Namjoon seemed to consider it for a moment, tilting his head back and forth.
“We could call from somewhere where we know there are no cameras,” he said quietly, lost in thought. “If they don’t know which way we head, it could work. They’d most likely think we’d keep traveling in the same direction, and then we could settle in some small Czech town and stay hidden.”
You liked this plan and thought it was your best bet, but you wondered when you’d be able to stop running and go home. Spending time alone with Namjoon all day was amazing, but you didn’t want to be scared anymore and have the threat of being abducted looming over you. Namjoon was probably going to give himself a heart attack from stress with how rightfully paranoid he was, and it was only a matter of time before you’d run out of money or put yourself on the grid somehow. If your mother found out about the security team leak, and there really was a mole back home, would they be able to find out who it was? And how would you even know, if and when they did? You could call your mother, tell her what you know, and she could have everything sorted out in a few hours, and you would never know until you eventually contacted her again.
How long until all this was over, and you were safe again?
Namjoon seemed to notice your shift in mood, and he reached across the table, resting his hand on yours.
“We’ll be okay,” he said softly, his warm eyes searching yours.
You sighed, looking down at the table. You felt so utterly helpless and small. You wished there was a way you could feel less powerless, a way to be more prepared if these men ever found you. If you ever got separated from Namjoon or something happened to him, you’d be a sitting duck.
Another lightbulb moment struck you then.
“Joon?” you said, glancing up at him. When he raised an eyebrow at you, you continued, “Will you teach me how to use your gun?”
Namjoon stood behind you, his arms wrapped around you. The two of you held his handgun together, aiming by the window overlooking the street. You were on the sixth floor and the building across the street was only three stories, so you felt like aiming this way was safe enough, especially since you weren’t planning on firing it.
You were more than a little intimidated by the gun and even by Namjoon knowing so much about guns, but you knew it was important to know how to use it, just in case. This was important to you. Not feeling so helpless was important to you.
“When you’re holding a gun, always act like it’s loaded and could go off at any moment,” he said, showing you the proper way to hold it. “Even if you think it’s not loaded, even if you think the safety’s on. There are thousands of accidental deaths from guns every year. This is a deadly weapon, only for emergencies. Anything you point a gun at, you have to be willing to destroy it.”
You swallowed hard, trying not to think about that.
“Once you know the basics, it’s pretty straightforward. Aim and shoot. Make sure the safety’s off, like this,” he said right against your ear, showing you what he described. “Most people will do what you tell them if you’re holding a gun, so hopefully you’ll never have to fire it. But if you do, if those men find us and something happens to me, shoot first, ask questions later.”
“Okay,” you said quietly, nodding.
You weren’t sure if you’d be able to do that though, if the time came. You’d always been someone who froze when you were scared. You didn’t want to think about a situation where you’d have Namjoon’s gun and he wasn’t there to help you. You were certain you’d be frozen, and probably inconsolable from whatever made him unable to use the gun himself.
“Here’s how you rack it,” he said, and you took in a breath, feeling his large hands moving yours. His body was pressed completely against you, your shoulders against his firm chest, your back against his stomach. When he spoke, the depth of his voice rumbled in your body and mind, making you have to fight to suppress a shiver.
“Will you show me how to reload it?” you said, your voice softer than you were expecting it to be.
“Sure.” He turned the gun sideways so you could see him work, pressing a button on the side. He brought your hand up, having you feel the button he’d just pressed. “Feel that?”
“Yeah,” you breathed, unsure of how to react to Namjoon’s fingers holding yours and having you feel something so small. Your heart was racing from how close he was, and from how exhilarating and scary it felt holding a real gun.
“That’s the magazine release. To take a mag out, press that, and then just slide the new one in.”
He showed you what he’d described, his hands moving with yours. You were breathless just from this, but you tried so hard to listen to his words. This was important, serious, and dangerous. Not the time for fantasizing.
“Make sure it’s in properly, like this, and then press the slide release here.”
He showed you, and then the gun was loaded and ready again. You held it up, aimed at the wall, and Namjoon’s hands closed around yours.
“Perfect,” he said right in your ear, and this time you actually did shiver before you could stop yourself.
Namjoon cleared his throat, stepping away from you suddenly. He didn’t make eye contact with you as you handed the gun over, and he turned the safety back on and put it away.
“You did well,” he said, his voice slightly deeper than normal. “I can show you again later, to make sure you remember.”
“Sure,” you said, unable to even look at him. Your face felt hot and you suspected you were blushing.
A knock on the door interrupted your awkward moment, and Namjoon rushed over, looking out the peephole before quickly opening the door to reveal Jin with a small meal cart with two plates covered by fancy metal cloches.
“Wow, this hotel is nice,” Namjoon teased, holding open the door for Jin. “The owner himself delivers room service.”
“Shut up, you,” Jin grumbled, the cart bumping over the doorframe as he entered. He stopped walking and pushed the cart lazily in the direction of the kitchenette, letting it drift until it bumped into the table.
“What a disrespectful waiter,” Namjoon joked as he closed and locked the door again. “This will be affecting your tip.”
“The tip for your lunch, or the tip for me going shopping and getting you both new clothes?” Jin said, throwing himself down on one of the armchairs. “The bags of clothes are on the bottom shelf of the cart, under the tablecloth,” he added, motioning in the vague direction of the cart.
“Thank you,” you said, figuring Jin deserved at least a little genuine gratitude instead of just Namjoon’s snark.
You walked over to the cart and pulled out the shopping bags of clothes, peeking in and seeing jeans, sweaters, and even undergarments. One bag had two folded winter coats, along with a couple beanies, scarves, and a large pair of black gloves and a smaller pair of red mittens.
“You’ll probably be happy to hear we’re planning on leaving early tomorrow morning.” Namjoon sat down across from Jin, crossing his arms. “We’ll get out of your hair, but we are concerned about funds. We have about eight hundred euros to live off of indefinitely.”
“I guess that means you’re asking me for money,” Jin said dryly. He let out a big, dramatic sigh, examining his fingernails like he was bored.
“I’d greatly appreciate a loan, so I can keep her safe and out of the cold,” Namjoon said, smiling politely.
“Fine. Whatever. But you’ll owe me another favor.”
“How many favors is that now? Three?” Namjoon laughed.
“Let’s round up to five small favors, or one really big one.”
“A big favor like him never coming back to Austria?” you said, cracking a smile.
“That’s one of the little favors,” Jin replied, winking at you.
You glanced toward Namjoon, noticing him setting his jaw. You wondered if he was grumpy because of Jin winking, or maybe from you joking around with him. You didn’t let yourself think about the possibility of Namjoon being jealous.
“So, where are you heading after Vienna?” Jin asked conversationally.
“Don’t answer,” Namjoon cut in when you opened your mouth to reply. “No offense to Jin, but I don’t want anyone besides us knowing, just in case.”
“Well, if that’s how this conversation is going to be, I’ll go,” Jin said, standing up. He brushed some invisible lint off his shoulders, straightening his vest and tie before heading for the door. “I can bring up some money with dinner, so you can slip away stealthily in the night without bothering me anymore. Any other requests, your highness?”
“Not unless you have a car we can borrow,” Namjoon said flatly, and your eyes bulged. He certainly knew how to ask the absolute most from his hosts.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” Jin said, which surprised you even more than Namjoon’s absurd request. “I have two cars, but I don’t really leave the hotel, so what’s the point, you know? May as well let my least favorite friend borrow one for a little while.”
“Wow, thank you so much,” you said, not quite sure you were believing your ears. Well, owning a luxury hotel in an expensive European city most likely paid well, you figured. Jin probably had more money than you could ever dream of.
“Whatever gets Namjoon out of Vienna fastest,” he said, winking at you again as he turned to leave. “I’ll give you the less expensive one. Please don’t crash it like you did my Bentley.”
“That was Jin’s car you crashed when you got your license revoked?” you laughed.
“You know what, only she’s allowed to drive my car,” Jin said as he approached the door. “I don’t trust you, Joon, and I don’t want you breaking more laws on or in my property.”
“I’m a great driver,” Namjoon pouted, crossing his arms.
“And an unlicensed one, apparently,” Jin said. “Anyways, please eventually tell me where you leave my car. I really like that one and would like it back one day.”
“Keep up your attitude, and I’ll leave it in the poorest neighborhood in Europe with the windows down and key in the ignition,” Namjoon said.
“Not nice,” Jin tutted, making you giggle. You saw a flash of maybe-jealousy in Namjoon’s eyes again, and decided you kinda liked this side of Namjoon.
With that, Jin left, and you looked to Namjoon, who rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“If you don’t say thank you to him before we leave, I’m turning myself in to those men in Prague,” you said, laughing when Namjoon looked up at you with wide, horrified eyes.
“Fine,” he grumbled, pushing up off the chair and walking over to the food cart.
The lunch Jin had brought up for you two was some kind of grilled fish, along with mushroom soup, grilled asparagus, and warm, fresh rolls with what looked like whipped butter. Definitely what you’d expect from a hotel as upscale as this.
With the two plates of food were two glass goblets of water, two small bottles of sparkling water, and one singular plate covered with plastic wrap and a note scrawled in sloppy handwriting:
For Y/N only. No Namjoons allowed.
- Jin ;)
You unwrapped that plate carefully and discovered a slice of the most ridiculously decadent triple-layer chocolate cake you’d ever laid your eyes on, intricately decorated with dark chocolate frosting and ganache. Your mouth watered just looking at it, but you knew it would be best to save it for after real food.
Namjoon rolled his eyes when he saw Jin’s note, and you didn’t miss him crumbling the note in his hand and throwing it in the trash in the kitchenette, playing it off as him going over to the kitchenette to get silverware. You laughed a little to yourself, wondering how much of Namjoon wanting to leave this hotel had to do with getting you away from Jin.
After lunch, you looked through the clothes Jin had bought, sorting through what was for you and what was for Namjoon. You were half surprised Jin hadn’t bought Namjoon clothes in the wrong size, and even more surprised he’d bought clothes for Namjoon at all. They must truly be like brothers if they bickered this much but Jin still chose to help.
Jin had bought you both two pairs of jeans, two sets of pajamas, a pair of sweatpants, three sweaters, a pack of socks, and a pack of underwear, along with the winter clothes you’d looked at earlier. There was also one blouse for you and a flannel shirt for Namjoon, and you figured you’d both have to roll your clothes if you had any hope of getting all this to fit into your backpacks. You owed Jin a huge thanks, and you’d make Namjoon thank him too, even if you had to twist his arm.
Later in the afternoon, you turned on the television to some German soap opera, eating your chocolate cake and propping your feet up on the antique table. Namjoon was sitting by the window with the tablet, glancing outside at the street every few minutes.
“Joon?” you eventually called out to him.
“Mmm?” he hummed, not looking up from the tablet.
“Do you want the rest of my cake?” you mumbled, feeling sick from overeating and all the sugar.
Namjoon looked up at you, smiling softly to himself. He finally set the tablet aside, coming over to you and sitting down right beside you, his leg against yours.
“Getting full?” he said, wrapping one arm around your shoulders as he took the plate from you with his other hand. He set the plate in his lap, picking up your fork and taking a bite.
“A little too full,” you grumbled.
He hummed in response, his mouth full of cake.
You settled in against his side, enjoying the warmth of his arm around you. The heat in this hotel was nice, but the building was old, and it had started snowing again in the last few hours, the cold seeping in and making you wish you had a blanket to cuddle up with. Well, having a Namjoon to cuddle up with was even better, you figured. You wished you and Namjoon could go get back under the covers in the bedroom and just lay there for hours, spooning like you had this morning.
“I was looking for places we could call your mother from,” Namjoon said after a moment, swallowing a particularly large bite of ganache. “I don’t want to lead them directly to this hotel, because I’m worried they’ll see Jin and think he’s connected to me and try to interrogate him. We need to get away from this hotel without being seen, but then call from somewhere within the city.”
“A payphone somewhere without cameras?” you suggested weakly, figuring Jin would not be willing to part with a phone in addition to everything else he’d given the two of you.
“I found a subway stations in the Döbling area that I think will be perfect for us,” Namjoon explained, playing with the last few bites of cake with the fork as he spoke. “It’s surrounded by a residential neighborhood, so not a lot of street cameras. I think I can map out a way for us to get there without being on camera, and we can call your mother from there. What do you think?”
“I think that’s ingenious,” you said, thinking through his plan and trying to find any flaws.
“Döbling is in the northern part of the city, too, so it’ll be on our way out of town.”
“Perfect,” you said. “But if we leave in the middle of the night, I don’t know if my mother will answer the phone if I call her.”
“Does she know how to listen to voicemails?”
“Yeah, but can voicemails be tracked the way live calls are?”
“A payphone in Vienna will have an Austrian area code,” Namjoon said, and you felt silly for not thinking of that. “But if we call your mother directly and warn her, she may not tell anyone in the security team about our call anyway. She’ll know not to trust anyone.”
“So how do we let the terrorist guys know where we are, without letting them know we want them to know?” you said, pouting. “We wanted them to think we’re in Vienna.”
“I think I have an idea about that,” he said, and when you looked up at him, you could see mischief in his dark brown eyes.
Jin never ended up coming back to the room, and Namjoon was almost relieved. He hadn’t been looking forward to you making him be genuine and actually thank Jin, though he did greatly appreciate Jin’s generosity.
A hotel staff brought up a late dinner around eleven, along with a set of car keys and an envelope. The envelope had eight thousand euros in cash, which Namjoon could barely comprehend, along with a handwritten note.
Car’s parked on the employee level of the parking garage downstairs, row C, spot 17, right by the main elevator on sublevel 2. If you need more money… consider getting a job or asking someone else.
If you get bullet holes in my car, I’ll put bullet holes in you.
PS: No need to get so jealous, Namjoon-ah! Y/N’s crush on you can be seen from space, by everyone but you, apparently. She’s only got eyes for a certain grumpy asshole bodyguard, for some unfathomable reason. The rest of us don’t stand a chance. Not even me, and that’s saying something. If she ever changes her mind and decides she actually likes rich, handsome, and charming men, please point her in my direction. Tell her I’ll be waiting with a $500 bottle of champagne at the world-renowned five star hotel I own.
Namjoon’s heart skipped a beat at the beginning of the PS line. He quickly ran over to his jacket hanging on the back of the chair and tucked the note into one of the pockets, before you could come out and see it. He figured Jin was just making fun of him; you having a crush on him or liking him was as absurd as the rest of Jin’s note.
You and Namjoon ate the ridiculous dinner Jin had sent up, both veal and roast beef with mashed potatoes, more asparagus, and zucchini, along with another slice of chocolate cake, this time in a to-go box and again with a “for Y/N only” note. You groaned when you saw the cake, and Namjoon smiled to himself, shaking his head.
After dinner, Namjoon convinced you to take a nap, but he wouldn’t let himself sleep. He paced around in the living room like a caged animal, looking out the window every few minutes before making himself sit down and plan out the route the two of you would take later to avoid cameras. He felt restless, like he needed to be doing something helpful, jittery from staying in one place for too long.
You woke up around midnight, and the two of you packed your backpacks, rolling your clothes to make it all fit. You’d decided to leave your heels, but other than that, you both managed to get everything. Well, almost everything. Namjoon carried the coats and all the other winter accessories Jin had found in the shopping bag they’d come in, since the two of you were just walking down to the car. Your hands had the to-go box with your slice of ridiculous chocolate cake.
Around 2:45, the two of you headed out, heading straight down to the parking garage and following Jin’s directions. Namjoon didn’t plan on letting you see Jin’s note, but thankfully you didn’t ask.
The car was beautiful, more expensive than anything Namjoon could ever afford, and you went straight for the driver’s seat, smirking at him as he handed over the keys. You both remembered Jin’s orders about only you driving, and Namjoon couldn’t say he minded. You looked so happy and excited, and he’d do anything to see you this joyful.
Namjoon had decided to “borrow” Jin’s tablet, though it didn’t have a data plan on it, so it would stop working once you left wifi. He took screenshots of the camera-free route he’d planned out to the subway station, and of a roadmap of Austria and the Czech Republic. The two of you didn’t really have a plan, but Namjoon had a general idea of where he wanted to end up.
The two of you left the hotel, just as the bells in the old town chimed out, announcing it was three in the morning.
The drive to Döbling only took about twenty minutes, even with all the detours Namjoon had you take to avoid security cameras. The subway station was empty and closed this late, but the payphones were outside, just as he’d seen on Google Maps. There was a security camera pointed at the payphones, but not anywhere else in the area. Anyone looking for the two of you would be able to know you were here, but not what car you were in or where you went from here.
The two of you parked and headed over to the payphones, Namjoon’s hand in yours. You didn’t need to pretend right now, but it felt right. He’d reached out for your hand subconsciously, and you’d taken it, lacing your fingers with his.
You called your mother first, your expression worried as it rang. He squeezed your hand reassuringly, the two of you looking at each other as you waited.
Your face fell when it went to voicemail, but you set your jaw, preparing yourself to leave a message.
“Hi, Mom,” you said, your voice sad. Namjoon wished he could hug you and take away all your pain and fears. “It’s Y/N. I’m safe. Namjoon’s with me. We think someone in your security team might be working with the men who attacked the embassy, because after Namjoon called from a burner phone, those men still knew what he’d said and showed up where he’d said we’d be. We’re okay though. Please be careful, Mom. I love you. Bye.”
Short and to the point. You hung up the phone, nodding once to Namjoon.
“That was perfect,” he said, bringing his hand up and rubbing your arm. He could tell you were disappointed about not getting to speak to your mother, but knew there was nothing he could do about that.
“Your turn,” you said, sighing.
He sighed too, picking up the phone and putting in a few more coins.
Namjoon dialed his number and waited.
“Hello? Kim, is that you?” the head of security at the embassy said when he answered a few moments later.
“Where are you?” Namjoon said, his voice low and demanding. He glanced to you, seeing you watching him curiously. He hadn’t told you what he was planning on saying, and he wondered what you’d think.
“Where am I? I’m at the embassy. Where the hell are you?” the head of security said.
“I meant where in the embassy? Who’s with you?”
The head of security listed two other guards. Namjoon had figured a few of them would all be on duty in the security office, and that there’d be more of them working than usual, considering the recent attack.
“Put me on speaker,” Namjoon said. He waited until the feedback sound changed, and he could tell he was on speakerphone now. “Is anyone else awake? Any other guards in the building patrolling?”
“Yeah, but–” the head of security started, but Namjoon cut him off.
“Dial them into this call.”
“What? Kim, what are you–”
“Now.” Namjoon set his jaw, hoping his firmness and insubordination wouldn’t get him fired if he was wrong about there being a mole.
“Okay,” the head of security said unsurely, and there was a brief pause as he looped a few other guards in, dialing them all one by one, the background static increasing each time a new person joined.
“Who’s here?” Namjoon said after a moment, and he listened to everyone identify themselves. He wanted as many guards as possible to hear this, so the real ones could figure out who the mole was as fast as possible.
“What’s going on, Kim?” one of them said, and Namjoon took a deep breath before beginning.
“One of you is a mole, maybe,” he explained, speaking carefully and slowly. “The men after us knew right where we’d be after I called and told you guys, even when I called from burner phones. Either someone is telling them everything, or our secure phones aren’t as secure as we thought they were, and they’re listening in on everything. Figure your shit out and keep the ambassador safe. I’ve got Y/N, and we’re staying off the grid until it’s all clear.”
Namjoon hung up then, letting out a deep breath as soon as it was done.
“That was smart,” you said, reaching out and taking his hand again. He hadn’t realized how intense that conversation would be, and now his hands were shaking slightly. As soon as he felt you touch him, though, they stopped, and he felt stronger.
“I figured they’d already know we’re onto them by the fact we’re not in Prague, so may as well tell everyone and let them start figuring things out on their end,” he said, the two of you heading back to the car hand-in-hand.
“And now my mother knows, or will know when she wakes up,” you said. “They can figure things out, and they’ll be okay. The real ones will sort out who the mole is.”
“Hopefully,” he said, sighing.
You got into the driver’s seat again, and Namjoon gave you directions for his camera-less route out of the city. Once you got on the road, though, there’d be some unavoidable traffic cameras. He’d tried to plan a route northward that avoided towns at least, but there was only so much he could do.
Namjoon’s camera-less, town-less route into the Czech Republic ended up being about twice as long as following normal roads. What should’ve only taken three hours took six, and when the sun started coming up, his eyes burning from being awake too long, he wondered if all this was enough to keep you safe. He didn’t know what else he could do, though, other than making you walk through the woods and just avoiding civilization altogether.
He just hoped what he was doing was enough.
You eventually ended up in the countryside surrounding the town of Český Krumlov, deep in the heart of southern Bohemia. Namjoon could see the town in the distance, with its large castle towering over the rest of the village, and he wondered if he’d ever be able to come back here with you some day. He could see the two of you walking through the scenic town holding hands, looking at the art and architecture together, being a real couple instead of just pretending.
You drove past the town, eventually coming to a sign advertising holiday cottage rentals in Czech, German, and English. The rental office was right by the road, and the two of you pulled in, carefully parking in the spot farthest from the door, in case whoever was inside looked out and saw the car.
“I’ll go alone,” you said, unbuckling your seatbelt.
“No,” Namjoon said, turning toward you. “No way. I’m coming.”
“Do you think there’s any possible way we’re in danger here?” You raised an eyebrow at him, and he sunk down in his seat.
“I don’t like it,” he grumbled, crossing his arms.
“Too bad. The men looking for us are looking for both of us. One of us alone will attract less attention. I’ll just go in, ask for a week or so, depending on the price, and come right back out. Can I have some of the money, please?”
Namjoon handed over the envelope of cash, watching you take out a few hundred euros.
“Please be careful,” he said as you opened the door to go. You looked back at him, laughing a little and shaking your head.
“I will. I’ll be right back,” you said, and then you were gone, and Namjoon was sitting alone in Jin’s stupid expensive car, waiting on you and trying to will his heart to stop racing.
You strode into the rental office confidently, and he could almost see you through the window. He saw a short, middle-aged woman working there, smiling wide when she saw you.
You spoke to her for a few minutes, laughing politely, chatting, signing a piece of paper, and then you were handing over money, and the woman handed you a set of keys and a different piece of paper.
Namjoon didn’t like this. Whatever you’d signed, it could have your real signature on it, and that would be easily trackable. Had you given your real name? He didn’t think you were that stupid, but whatever you’d signed made him feel uneasy, combining with his exhaustion and worry to make him feel almost sick.
You came out of the rental office a few minutes later, smiling to yourself proudly. Namjoon let himself relax, seeing you happy.
“Got it!” you squealed when you hopped back in the car. You handed him the paper – a map of the cottages with the one you’d rented circled – as you buckled your seatbelt. “It was much less expensive to book it on a weekly rate, so I got one week, for now.”
“Good,” he said, nodding. “What’d you sign in there?”
“Oh,” you said, looking down at your hands. “I told her that we got mugged so we didn’t have our passports or ID, so she just let me sign, like, on an honor system. Normally she needs IDs, but she said it was fine. I put fake names, though. I panicked and signed myself as ‘Ursula Guin,’ like that author you recommended to me a few years ago. Hope the rental lady’s not the literary type.”
Namjoon snorted, remembering the exact story he’d sent you back then.
“She wanted your name too, so I said you were my husband Hermann, to keep with the author theme.”
“Wow, thanks,” he laughed. “Do I look like a Hermann to you?” He wasn’t actually mad; he was actually kind of touched that you’d used that name, wondering if you’d chosen it because you remembered him saying Hermann Hesse was the author of his favorite book.
“Do I look like an Ursula?” you giggled back, driving the car back onto the main road and heading off for the cottage you’d rented.
The rental cottages were deep in the forest, each on their own several-acre plot. You’d found the driveway to yours – Cottage 7 – and were still carefully driving down it ten minutes later. The snow was only a few inches deep here, the bare tree branches in the forest all lined with it like powdered sugar, but this road hadn’t been touched in what looked like years, so you drove cautiously and very, very slowly.
Based on the property size alone, Namjoon had been expecting a mansion, but instead the two of you eventually rolled up to what looked like a little one-room fairytale cottage.
“I hope you didn’t pay a lot for this shack,” he said, smirking when you shot him a look.
Besides its size, the cottage was actually pretty cute, and he could see a chimney, indicating a fireplace, hopefully. It looked like it fell right out of a storybook, and it was definitely off the beaten path. It was settled in a little clearing in the forest, and besides the driveway, there was nothing else here indicative of civilization. Just a house in the middle of the woods, perfect for hiding away, just the two of you.
You headed inside, Namjoon carrying the bag with the winter clothes. The front of the cottage had a nice little deck, and if it weren’t so cold out, Namjoon could see himself sitting out here, maybe reading.
Inside, the building had only two rooms – the main room, and a small bathroom in the back corner. It had everything the two of you would need, including a fairly modern kitchen, a table with two chairs, a little loveseat next to an old free-standing cast iron fireplace, and a bed Namjoon wasn’t sure would be long enough for his legs, let alone wide enough for the two of you to sleep without touching. It was livable, but definitely cozy.
The room had no heat, and he was surprised when he turned on the light-switch and found the place actually had electricity. It was almost as cold as outside in here, though thankfully out of the snow and wind, at least.
You headed straight into the bathroom, and Namjoon decided to look through the kitchen. The cabinets had no food other than salt, pepper, a few assorted spices, and a mostly-empty bottle of olive oil. The two of you would have to grocery shopping as soon as you could, and then not leave the cottage again for a while.
The room had no closet, no dresser, nothing to put clothes in other than the two little bedside tables that each had one drawer. Well, Namjoon figured, the two of you didn’t have much clothes, anyway. One drawer was all either of you really needed.
When you came out of the bathroom, you were wearing one of your new sets of pajamas, along with a new pair of socks. You tossed your backpack onto the loveseat, yawning wide and heading straight for the bed.
“It’s so cold in here,” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes.
“I can start a fire,” Namjoon suggested, ignoring what he’d actually wanted to say. I’ll keep you warm.
You hummed, throwing back the quilt on the bed and then the covers. He watched you settle in, curling up in a little ball and pulling the covers up to your chin. You were so adorable, he couldn’t help feeling warmer just looking at you.
Namjoon got started setting up the fire, throwing in a couple logs from the large stack beside the fireplace, and found matches in the kitchen to start it. You were already asleep by the time he got it going; he’d looked back at you, grinning proudly, but saw you dozed off, your mouth hanging open as you quietly snored.
He got ready for bed, plugging in the tablet and changing his clothes. There was obviously no wifi here, but the tablet had quite a few ebooks downloaded to it, probably thanks to some bored employee back at Jin’s hotel, so at least the two of you would have one thing to do here.
Namjoon hadn’t felt this tired in years, his eyes aching from being open too long, his limbs sore and mind blank. It was eleven in the morning now, so he’d been awake a little over twenty-four hours, and he hadn’t slept very long the night before, either. He and you were going to have a hell of a time trying to fix your sleep schedules after all this.
When he climbed into bed, you immediately rolled over toward him, settling in with your head on his chest, arm across his stomach, and leg hooked over his thigh.
Namjoon froze.
He should push you off. He should turn away from you. You were asleep; you didn’t really mean this. You were just cold, and he was a warm body.
But Namjoon was so infinitely selfish. He was a selfish pervert, and he knew it. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to him, and he felt you shiver, cuddling closer to get warm in your sleep. Your breasts pressed against his side, your hair right where he could breathe you in, your little hand resting over his heart.
He would let himself have just this. He knew he’d never get anything else, so he’d hold you and tell himself he was just helping you stay warm. He was, but to him, this was so much more. This was everything. He was holding the woman he loved, and he’d let himself pretend, only as he drifted off to sleep.
You were so precious, he could hardly stand it. So beautiful, so small in his arms, so wonderful and perfect and his. He felt you breathing gently, and he closed his eyes, smiling to himself as he fell asleep.
When Namjoon woke up, you were already awake, curled up on the loveseat with the tablet.
“Hey,” you murmured as he stood. He groaned in response, his brain not quite awake yet, making you giggle.
He walked over to you, stretching his arms and shoulders as he went. You were reading one of the downloaded ebooks, and as he approached, you scooted over, making room for him to join you.
“We need to go shopping for food,” he said as he sat down, wrapping his arm around the back of the loveseat behind you, to give you both more space. “I don’t think we have any food besides that chocolate cake Jin gave you.”
“That’s what I was thinking too.” You turned off the tablet and set it down. “It’s almost five, so we should go soon, in case the grocery stores here close early.”
And that meant the two of you would have to get dressed and leave the cottage, which Namjoon very much did not want to do. The two of you were in cozy pajamas, the fire in front of you crackling peacefully. Outside, he could see it had started snowing again, the sky already getting dark, and all he wanted to do was pull you into his lap and never let go of you, though he knew that particular fantasy was impossible and unwanted.
Instead, you stood up, heading over to your backpack and pulling out a sweater and pair of jeans. Namjoon sighed, letting himself have a few more minutes in front of the fireplace while you got dressed in the bathroom.
Had you woken up and realized you were laying on his chest? Maybe you’d rolled away from him while you’d slept, after the room warmed up from the fire. He wondered though, maybe you’d woken up in that position. Maybe you hadn’t hated it. Maybe it had been a choice you’d made, and not just something you did while asleep to get warmer. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but they were. Maybe you’d actually wanted to cuddle with him in your sleep, and it hadn’t been an accident or mistake.
Namjoon reached up, bringing his shirt up to his nose, the part right where your head had rested on his chest. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he smelled your shampoo and your scent.
Suddenly, you opened the door and came out of the bathroom, and Namjoon dropped his shirt, pretending like he’d just been scratching his chest instead of holding the fabric up and smelling it like a creep.
He got dressed quickly, used the bathroom, splashed some water on his face.
“Before we go, make sure to take your pills,” he said as he came back into the main room. He figured it was close to five now.
“Oh, shit, thanks,” you said, jumping up and rushing over to your backpack.
Namjoon smiled to himself. You were so adorable, and he loved feeling useful to you like this.
He pulled on his jacket, slipping on his shoes and watching you dig through your bag, finding your medication down at the very bottom. You bustled around the room, dry-swallowing your pills, grabbing your shoes, getting ready to leave.
Namjoon started to put his hands in his jacket pockets as he watched and waited on you, but froze when he felt something in both of his pockets.
Tilting his head, he pulled out what he felt, seeing in one hand, Jin’s note he’d hidden from you, and in the other, the two little packs of double chocolate chip cookies he’d bought in the train snack car, back before all this started. You’d sent him to go get something chocolate, and he’d been so excited to give it to you, but completely forgot, after everything that happened after.
Namjoon reread Jin’s note, frowning as his brain fixated on ‘if she ever changes her mind and decides she actually likes rich, handsome, and charming men, please point her in my direction.’
He scowled, quickly stepping over to the fireplace, throwing the note in the fire and watching it burn. He hated how stupid, insecure, and jealous he felt, how just Jin’s teasing could work him up like this. Namjoon wanted you to be his, for you to love him and be with him and know his heart belongs to you, but he wasn’t rich. He wasn’t charming or classically handsome like Jin. You deserved someone like that, someone who could take care of you financially and give you the whole world.
The only reason Namjoon was able to keep you safe and hidden so easily right now was because of Jin’s car and Jin’s money. Namjoon had only been able to get a little out of his work account when you went on the run, and without Jin, the two of you probably would’ve ended up sleeping in bus stations and stealing food to survive. You deserved so much better than that. Under normal circumstances, Namjoon wasn’t poor, but he was still working class. He couldn’t give you five-star hotels, fancy cars, or long-term stability. How could you ever want someone like him, when guys like Jin also showed an interest in you?
You’d never want Namjoon. He wasn’t rich, handsome, or charming. He was just your bodyguard. All he could ever give you was his protection, and his stupid heart.
“What do you have there?” You pulled him from his thoughts as you approached, stopping beside him and smiling when you saw the cookies still in his hand. “Did you get snacks somewhere and not tell me?” you teased, reaching out and pinching him on his side.
“They’re for you,” he immediately said, holding both packs out to you. “I got them for you on the train. The first train, the one we jumped off of. I forgot to give them to you, though. Got a little distracted.”
You smiled, reaching out and only taking one of them. You opened it right up and took a big bite, smiling to yourself and closing your eyes as you chewed. He knew how much you loved chocolate, and the grin on your face right now made him feel like he was floating.
“I know it’s not as good as fancy chocolate ganache cake, but still, I hope you like it,” he said, looking down at the other cookie in his hand. He didn’t know why, but he almost felt embarrassed.
“This is so much better,” you assured, your mouth still full of cookie. “That cake’s way too rich. I felt sick after just a few bites of the one yesterday. The new slice he gave us will probably go bad before we can even finish it.”
Namjoon hummed, setting the cookie in his hand down on the kitchen table. He planned on giving you this one too, even if you didn’t take it now. He noticed how you said ‘the slice he gave us’ and ‘before we can finish it,’ and wondered if you’d forgotten how Jin had given the cake to only you, not him too.
Once you finished your cookie, the two of you headed out for the grocery store, hoping to get in, get what you needed, and get out as fast as possible.
The place you found was a little locally-owned thing, and Namjoon didn’t see any cameras, thankfully. He still felt nervous being out in the open like this, but this seemed safe enough. He had his gun in his holster under his jacket regardless.
The two of you walked around together, Namjoon pushing the cart and following wherever you decided to go. You got eggs, bread, a whole array of fruits and vegetables, a few packs of raw chicken breasts, boxes and boxes of dried pasta, rice, instant coffee, hot cocoa mix of course, milk, and some canned foods he didn’t even bother looking at as you loaded them into the cart. He trusted your judgment and would eat whatever you picked out. In the small freezer section, you found a pint of chocolate ice cream, which made Namjoon smile to himself. You and your chocolate.
There was a small home goods section, and Namjoon grabbed a big fleece blanket, tucking it under his arm as he pushed the cart toward the checkout. The cottage was cold, and he thought you’d like something like this to cuddle up with in front of the fire. You also grabbed a pack of candles and a deck of cards, and he figured those were both smart purchases.
The last thing Namjoon grabbed was a cheap, prepaid burner phone by the checkout, just in case he needed to call someone in an emergency. He didn’t like the idea of being out at that cottage and having no way of calling for help if you needed it.
Once the two of you got home and put away the groceries, you made spaghetti with tomato sauce, and Namjoon helped stir the pasta while you worked on more important things. The two of you stood side by side at the little gas stove, working quietly as the water boiled and sauce bubbled. His arm skimmed against yours every once in a while, and he tried to ignore the way just that made his stomach flip.
“It smells so good,” he said, watching you stir in some dried basil you’d found in the cabinet.
“I wish I’d thought to buy butter,” you mumbled, stirring the sauce. “I could’ve made garlic bread to go with this.”
“I’m sure this will be good,” he tried to reassure you.
“Maybe if we’re here long enough, we can go to the grocery store again and get some.” You glanced over his way, looking hopeful, and he couldn’t help but smile.
The two of you ate together in comfortable silence, the little kitchen table so small, your plates were touching. You complained about your feet being cold despite wearing socks, so you tucked your feet under his, and Namjoon’s heart began racing. This was almost like playing footsie under the table, but he tried to tell himself you were just cold. This was just like you cuddling up to him as you slept; it didn’t mean anything. You didn’t see him that way.
After your dinner-that-was-technically-breakfast, the two of you sat on the loveseat together, cuddled up under the fleece blanket he’d bought. You had your legs resting across his lap under the blanket, and the two of you were playing Go Fish, joking around and talking about nothing.
Namjoon could really see himself getting used to this, to a life like this. He could probably afford a cottage like this one, maybe closer to where your mother lived. He couldn’t afford big things like fancy cars and luxury hotels, but he could give you a life like this and make you happy. You looked so beautiful right now; carefree, relaxed, cozy, content, happy. He felt like he was home when he looked at you, like you were his home and his life and his whole world. He wanted more than anything to make you happy and be your home, too.
When it was your turn to play and you didn’t notice, he tickled your foot under the blanket, and you shrieked, giggling and squirming. You never looked more beautiful to him than in that moment.
After the card game, you picked up the tablet, pulling up a different ebook than the one you’d been reading earlier.
“Will you read to me, Joonie? Please?” you said, batting your eyelashes at him.
And he was so wrapped around your finger, he took the tablet from you with a big dumb smile on his face and immediately did as you asked, because he would walk across continents and swim across oceans to be the one to read to you.
The two of you sat like that for hours, Namjoon reading and you just looking at him. You sat on the loveseat sideways, your head tilted so you leaned against the back of the seat, your arms crossed as you listened to him. He wished he could pull you over into his lap and cuddle with you as he read, but this moment as-is was already such a gift, and he didn’t want to ruin it for you.
Every time he glanced up at you, he saw you watching him with an expression he didn’t understand. The look on your face stirred something within him and gave him hope, and that was dangerous. You were looking at him like you loved him, and he knew he was just projecting his feelings onto you and setting himself up to get his heart broken. He needed to be realistic, so he didn’t let himself glance up at you anymore. He just read and read and read until his throat was raw from speaking.
Around midnight, you both tried to go to bed, hoping to sleep a few hours and then stay up tomorrow, so you could try fixing your awful sleep schedules. You both changed back into pajamas, Namjoon throwing an extra log in the fire so it could hopefully last through the night.
When the two of you climbed into bed, you turned toward him and cuddled up against him, just as you had the night before. This time, though, you were definitely fully awake.
“Is this okay?” you asked quietly, looking up at him with big innocent eyes as you rested your head on his chest and hand on his heart.
“Of course,” he said, and he took your hand, holding it there where you could feel his heart beating. He wished he could tell you how much he loved you right now. He wished he could kiss your forehead and say, Do you feel that? Do you feel my heart? It belongs to you. I belong to you.
But he kept quiet, and you snuggled in against him, closing your eyes and sighing. Namjoon wrapped his other arm around you tight, holding you close and keeping you warm. This was all he could really give you. You deserved so much more, but he could protect you and keep you warm. He didn’t let himself consider the possibility that you’d be happy with just that… with just him.
When you woke up in the morning, Namjoon was still holding you.
You’d both slept like that all the way through the night. The fire was down to just glowing cinders, the room chilly but not freezing. Namjoon was a human heater, though, and the two of you were completely intertwined, like real lovers keeping each other warm in the cold winter.
You could feel his chest gently rising and falling as he breathed, and you closed your eyes, just listening and feeling him for a moment. This was everything to you. You could hear the steady thump of his heart. You could feel the warmth of his body. You could pretend like he was yours and you were his. The moment was so still and perfect, and Namjoon was so warm and smelled so good. Everything about right now was perfect to you.
Part of you couldn’t believe he’d let you snuggle up to him last night. You’d expected him to push you away, thinking you were going too far or being annoying, even though he’d never treated you like that before. You’d just thought you were maybe going too far this time, and had expected him to reject you.
But he’d held you and you’d melted in his arms, and you’d never slept better in your life. You hadn’t even been that tired, but now your sleep schedule was fixed, and you were relaxing in the early morning calm, feeling contented, in love, and so, so happy.
You never wanted to leave this cottage. You wanted to stay here with Namjoon forever, sleep in his arms every night, not leave for anything other than groceries. You didn’t even need a television or computer; you and Namjoon could find other things to do, like reading and games. You could buy some yarn and learn how to knit, and made Namjoon some socks or a sweater. You could find a cookbook not in Czech somewhere and learn how to properly cook, together. Maybe you could buy this cottage and have a big garden out back and make this your home. The two of you could do anything you wanted here, and you wanted to do everything with him.
You smiled to yourself, imagining living here with Namjoon. You imagined him cutting down a tree for firewood, chopping logs with a big ax while shirtless. Your head was resting on his big firm chest, so your imagination was vivid. He’d chop wood in the yard and then come in all sweaty and tired, and the two of you could take a shower together and you’d help him get clean. You’d run your hands and mouth all over his muscles, massaging him and worshipping him, and he’d be yours.
You wondered, then, if you should tell Namjoon about your feelings for him. You’d known for a long time now that you were attracted to and in love with him, but telling him could mean making him uncomfortable when he was essentially trapped here with you.
You thought back over the last few days; Namjoon had been very affectionate toward you, holding your hand when he didn’t have to, putting his arm around you, letting you snuggle up to him for warmth, being so sweet to you. Could it be possible that he had feelings for you too?
You remembered the other morning, when he’d showered and you’d heard him moaning your name. At the time, you’d thought… well, you weren’t sure what you’d thought. He was just horny? You’d misheard him? But you knew what you’d heard, and you knew you moaned his name every time you masturbated because you thought of only him, your heart and body belonged to him, every cell in your body was his.
If someone else were in your position, you would say, of course he has feelings for you!  Are you stupid? But you were terrified. What if you told him you were in love with him and wanted to be with him, and he was disgusted? What if you ruined your friendship with him and made him uncomfortable? What if you made his job unbearable? What if he left you here alone?
You frowned. The good mood you’d woken up in was gone, in its place your fears and insecurity.
As if sensing your mood shift, Namjoon’s arm around you tightened, pulling you against him. He’d moved you so that your head was right over his heart, and then he was back to snoring, completely sound asleep.
You let your mind clear as you just listened to his heart, the steady, slow beat a comfort to you. He was so relaxed and cozy and warm, and you wanted to live in this moment forever. You wanted to wake up in his arms every morning. You wanted him to be yours, because you were already his, even if he didn’t know it. You’d never love anyone else like this. Your heart would always belong to him, even if he one day quit or left and he never knew how you felt.
Eventually, you pulled yourself out of bed and away from him. You put another log in the fire before heading over to the bathroom for a shower. You hoped this place had hot water, and when you turned on the shower and felt it slowly heating up, you sighed in relief.
As you bathed, you thought over everything again. Maybe you should tell Namjoon about your feelings for him. You could present it like, hey, this is how I feel. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way, I just wanted you to know. Love you forever, okay bye.
You sighed, the noise echoing off the tile walls with the sound of the running water.
You bathed and then quickly turned off the water and stepped out, wrapping a fluffy towel around your body and a smaller towel around your hair. Part of you had been worried the hot water would run out, and you wanted Namjoon to have enough if he decided to shower too.
As you got dressed, you decided you’d tell him. Tomorrow, maybe, so you’d have time to plan out what exactly you’d say. You wanted it to be as comfortable of an experience as possible for him, so he could reject you painlessly and without extra awkwardness. You’d tell him and he’d say he didn’t feel the same way, and things could continue as normal. It’d be fine.
You felt like you might throw up from nerves, but it’d be okay. You needed to do this.
Once you got dressed, you went back out into the main room and saw Namjoon making two cups of instant coffee in the kitchen, now dressed and out of his pajamas too. He turned when he heard you, smiling and motioning toward the two mugs in front of him as he spoke excitedly.
“I just had a great idea. What if I put a little hot cocoa mix in these? What do you think?”
“That sounds great,” you said, and his eyes lit up as he grinned proudly. He was too cute for words, you thought, smiling at him as he executed his brilliant idea.
While he finished mixing those up, you went to the stove, turning it on and getting ready to cook some eggs for breakfast for the two of you. You’d always loved cooking, and getting to live in a cute little fairytale cottage with Namjoon and do nothing but cook for and with him sounded like your version of paradise.
“Here you go,” he said, holding out one mug of the caffé mocha proudly. You took it from him and sipped, smiling up at him as you tasted it.
“It’s good,” you said, licking your lips. You heart skipped a beat when you saw him glance down at your mouth, and you’d almost call the look in his eyes wanting.
Maybe you were right to tell him about your feelings. Maybe the chance of Namjoon feeling the same way wasn’t as small as you’d thought. You almost couldn’t consider the possibility, but you watched him pick up his mug and take a drink, his eyes not leaving you the whole time.
You shook your head, setting down the mug and getting back to cooking eggs.
The two of you ate your breakfast at the table, and then you cuddled up on the loveseat in front of the fire, like yesterday. This time, you read to him, and he kept looking at you the entire time with that same look, longing and love and wanting in his eyes.
You were sure you were imagining things. Namjoon couldn’t actually feel like this about you. Had he always been this obvious, or were days of not sleeping well and being stressed and on the run finally getting to you?
After you read for a while, he reached under the blanket and started massaging one of your feet over the thick wool socks you wore. You thought he was going to tickle you, but when you looked up at him, he murmured, “Keep reading,” in the deepest, warmest voice, and so you did. His hands worked on one foot and then the other, and there was nothing playful or even sexual about it. He just massaged you and looked at you while you read. He wanted you to relax and feel good, and you did.
You loved him. You loved him so much your heart couldn’t stand it. You wanted to grab him and kiss him and say it over and over, to go outside and scream it so people all the way in Vienna and Prague and Poland could hear you. You loved Namjoon, and there was a little sliver of a chance he felt the same way, and you wanted to do nothing but love him and only him forever, to kiss him all over his face, to sleep in his arms and be loved by him. He looked at you like he loved you, and he treated you with love and respect and care, so maybe he loved you too. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
You just kept reading, and Namjoon just looked at you, his hands now running along your lower legs, like he was getting ready to massage your calves. You couldn’t even look at him, because then you’d blurt out your feelings and ruin this perfect moment. His touch made you feel wound up and relaxed at the same time, like he was massaging you just to tease you. You were so wet for him, and when one of his hands moved up enough for his fingertips to skim against the back of your knee, you bit your lip, sucking in a sharp breath.
Eventually you finished the ebook from last night, the one Namjoon had started reading to you. You were horny and desperate, and you needed to get away from this loveseat and this man before you did something really stupid, like confess your feelings or climb into his lap and beg him to keep touching you.
You decided to make lunch, and when you got up, Namjoon followed, his hand resting on your shoulder when you got to the kitchen.
“How can I help?” he said, and you were touched by his sweetness but also kind of wanted to scream from how badly you wanted him. Had he known what he was doing when he’d massaged you and looked at you like that? Or was he just being his usual sweet self, and you were just projecting your feelings onto him?
“I’m not sure what to make,” you said, forcing yourself to focus. “Maybe something with some of the chicken we bought?”
“That sounds good.” He moved his hand on your shoulder as if he were comforting you, and you fought the urge to arch your back and close your eyes.
You got chicken out of the refrigerator and started looking through the vegetables you’d bought, and Namjoon came up behind you, his hand on your lower back now.
“We could boil the baby potatoes we got and have that with the chicken,” he said, and you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak.
The two of you cooked side-by-side, Namjoon standing guard over the boiling water and you grilling chicken in a cast iron skillet with some of the olive oil you’d found in the cabinet. You seasoned it as best you could, but the next time you went to the grocery store, you’d have to try to find more spices and sauces.
Namjoon was humming to himself as he stirred the baby potatoes, an off-key, silly tune that made you giggle. He glanced your way, cracking a smile, and you’d never wanted to kiss him more than that moment. He was trying to make you laugh, and it was working.
His humming shifted to loud singing, and you laughed as he turned toward you and started serenading you.
“I’ve heard you sing before, and you are not this bad,” you giggled, shaking your head. “Sing seriously!”
“How dare you?” he said, pretending to be hurt but unable to hide his grin. “I have a lovely singing voice. I’m trying my best right now.” He sang another line, this time closing his eyes as he attempted to hit a high falsetto note but purposely sang very off-key.
“Are you trying to break the windows?” you teased, and then you shrieked as he reached over and pinched your sides, tickling you mercilessly.
You gasped as you squirmed and giggled, and he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer as he didn’t let up. He tickled your stomach and sides, smiling and holding you against him so you couldn’t get away.
When he stopped, you were both breathless, and he still held you there against him, the two of you just breathing hard and looking at each other as you calmed down. Your cheeks hurt from grinning, but he was looking at you with that look again, the look that made you feel like maybe he wanted you too, and you parted your lips, holding your breath all of a sudden because he was looking at you like he wanted you to be his. He made you feel flushed, your heart racing for an entirely different reason now.
Your mouth was only a few inches from his. He was so close you could feel his warmth, you could see his little moles and freckles and the slight stubble on his chin, you could feel his breath on your lips. You looked down at his mouth, his beautiful plush lips you’d dreamed about so many times, and you watched him swallow hard, the Adam’s apple in his throat bobbing.
“Y/N,” he breathed, his eyes not leaving your lips.
And then the two of you were kissing, so suddenly and overwhelmingly it stole the air from your lungs.
One moment you were both staring at each other’s mouths, the next he was wrapping his arms around you, pulling your body fully against him as his soft, plush lips claimed you. He growled, a deep rumble in his chest, and you responded to him with a moan that he used to slip his tongue into your mouth, swirling it with yours so wonderfully it made your toes curl and sparks spread under your skin.
There were no thoughts in your empty head, no fears, no worries about what this meant. You just kissed him, giving yourself to him completely. He tasted like the deep, velvety cocoa he’d put in your coffee this morning, dark chocolate mocha and a flavor that was just him, and you never wanted anything else. Just Namjoon, forever.
One of his hands came up to your cheek, holding your face sweetly as he tilted his head to kiss you deeper. Your heart felt like it was about to burst from your chest. Namjoon was kissing you. He wanted to kiss you. He kissed you like you were all he needed and you were about to be ripped from his arms, so you held onto him, knotting one hand in his hair, letting him know without words that you weren’t going anywhere.
One of his arms was tight around your waist, holding you close against his body. His tongue was down your throat, his soft lips moving yours and controlling the kiss, and you melted in his arms, letting him do anything he wanted. He was so good at kissing, you wanted to do nothing but this forever. You wanted to taste him and feel his wet tongue and soft lips and be held by him and not worry about anything else ever again.
The two of you parted for air, gasping against each other’s mouths. When you stroked his hair, he growled, pulling your body tighter against him.
“I’ve wanted you so bad, for so long… Y/N…” he gasped, his forehead pressed to yours. He was still holding your face with one hand, and his thumb on your cheek moved a little, stroking your skin like he was cherishing you.
“I want you, too,” you breathed, your eyes closed as you felt him so close to you. “Touch me, please, Joon. I need you.”
He groaned, running the tip of his nose beside yours. You could feel his warm breath on your lips, the firmness and strength of his body, the way his touch made you gasp and become even wetter for him. You were throbbing for him already, and he had you wound up so tight, you were sure you could come just from him kissing you so intensely again.
“If you let me put my hands on you, baby… fuck, I won’t ever stop touching you. I want you so fucking bad. Always have,” he murmured, the depth of his golden caramel voice making you moan. “You have no idea how many times I’ve had to stop myself from bending you over a table or burying my face between your legs.”
“Yeah?” was all you could say, your voice broken and higher than normal. You whimpered when you felt him nodding, your mind not strong enough to think about the possibility of what he was saying. You remembered, with a shiver, him moaning your name when you’d overheard him the other day, and almost moaned out loud at just the memory.
You’d been more than right about him having feelings for you. You felt foolish for doubting yourself so much about it.
“I think about you constantly. About us,” he said, against your cheek now. “I dream about being with you every night. I want you so fucking bad, angel. I’d be so good to you, if you let me.”
“I know you would be,” you said, closing your eyes as he breathed across your neck.
You tilted your head for him, granting him access as he ran his lips over your pulse. His arm was wrapped so tightly around you, that hand rested on your opposite side. You could feel how hard he was, his length pressing against your lower stomach, and your eyes nearly rolled back in your head at just the thought of him being hard for you.
“I think about you too, Joon,” you sighed. “All the time. I know you’d be so good to me.”
“I’d worship you,” he murmured, his hand on your side squeezing gently. “I’d treat you like a princess. A goddess. I’d make sure you know you’re mine.” He moved his other hand on your cheek back, his fingers tangling in your hair and making you gasp.
You whimpered, your head falling back as he pressed his lips to your skin, kissing over your pulse, right behind your ear. His kiss turned into a playful bite, and then he was sucking on your skin there, leaving hickeys on you like a teenager, and you loved it – you wanted to be covered in his marks, claimed by him completely and totally. You wanted him to make you his.
“Joon,” you moaned, feeling his mouth fall lower, kissing and licking at your jugular now. Your hands held onto his shoulders, grasping at his sweater, and you gasped when you felt your back hit the wall behind you, his leg between your thighs. You hadn’t even realized he’d backed you up like that until you were there.
“Mine,” he growled against your skin before sucking on another spot on your neck, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to your throbbing clit and making you gasp. You felt his tongue swirling between his plush lips, the warmth of his body, his hair tickling your cheek.
“Want you, Joon,” you whined, squeezing your hands on his shoulders.
He growled, not taking his mouth off of you, but he moved his hips forward, letting you feel him. You moaned just from how big and hard he felt, how needy and dominant he was, how badly you wanted him to lose control and ravage you. He didn’t stop what he was doing, though. He sucked on your neck harder, before kissing a few inches away and sucking on another spot, closer to your shoulder now.
“Please,” you moaned, digging your fingers into his shoulders. “Make love to me.”
He stilled, and you opened your eyes. Had you done something wrong? Was that the wrong thing to say?
Namjoon pulled his head back, looking down at you. His lips were swollen from kisses, wet from what he’d been doing to your neck, and you couldn’t read his expression or guess what he was thinking. In the background, you could hear the boiling water with the potatoes bubbling and the cast iron skillet with the chicken sizzling, and you reached over and turned both sides of the stove off before focusing back on Namjoon.
He bought his hand back to your cheek, cupping it gently.
“Y/N,” he breathed, his eyes falling to your lips.
His thumb ran along your lower lip, tracing it slowly, his eyes lost in wonder. You watched him for a moment, the look in his eyes as he stared at his thumb moving on your lip. He looked like he wanted to rip his heart out and give it to you.
You wanted to say something stupid, like the fact you were in love with him, but you didn’t want to ruin the moment. He was looking at you like you were the most incredible thing in the world, touching you so gently, and you never wanted him to stop.
“We can’t go any further unless I tell you something,” he said quietly after a moment. He sighed, closing his eyes before continuing. “We can’t do this unless you know how I feel. I’d feel like I was lying to you if we had sex without you knowing that I’m in love with you.”
“You… you’re in love with me?” You blinked, unsure you’d heard him right.
“Yeah,” he said, stroking his thumb on your cheek again.
You saw the look in his eyes, the sadness, the worry, the pure adoration. He was scared you’d reject him, you realized; terrified of his own feelings and what you’d say, and it broke your heart, because you felt the exact same way. You’d been terrified that he didn’t feel the same way about you, when you’d had nothing to fear this whole time. You were always his, and he’d felt the same way all along, and it made you sigh in relief and catharsis.
Before you could speak, though, Namjoon continued, “I’m so fucking in love with you, it makes my heart ache sometimes. I know you deserve so much better than me, but I love you, Y/N, so fucking much, so I think just having sex and fucking around but then going back to normal… it’s just not something I think I’m capable of. I think it’d actually kill me, for it to not mean anything to you when it means everything to me. So I want to stop now, because I don’t want to get my heart broken, but I–”
“I love you too, Joon,” you blurted out before he could go any further.
His eyes went wide, like now he was sure he’d misheard you. You watched his kiss-swollen lips part as he processed those words, his hand on your cheek still as his brilliant mind raced.
“I love you so much, my heart aches from it, too,” you said, and he let out a broken breath, his hopeful eyes searching yours. “I don’t want to just fuck around and go back to normal. I want to be yours, I want this every day, I want you, Joon. I’ve been yours for months now, maybe even years. I love you–”
Namjoon surged forward, pressing his mouth to yours and slipping his tongue into your mouth before you’d even finished the “you” in “I love you.” He devoured you, pressing you against the wall and picking you up, your legs wrapping around his hips as you moaned into his mouth. He poured his love into you, claiming your mouth and kissing you so hard, your whole body shuddered from your need for him.
Namjoon loved you. Despite how impossible it seemed, how perfect he was, he loved you, and he held you in his arms like you were the most precious thing in the world to him, because you were, you realized. He moved his mouth with yours and swirled his tongue with yours, his hand in your hair and body pressed to you completely.
“Mine,” he growled against your lips, grinding into you and holding you against him, his large body so warm and firm.
“Mine,” you replied right back, after making him smile by sucking on his tongue when he tried to kiss you again.
You loved Namjoon, and he loved you. You were his, and he was yours.
He carried you toward the bed, his mouth not leaving yours as he stumbled through the tiny room. His hands both fell to your ass, squeezing firmly as he held you. You pulled your mouth away from him just enough to kiss him all over his cheek, and you felt him grinning, his cheeks rounding and dimples showing as you covered him in kisses. You kissed his cheek, his forehead, his eyebrows, his nose, his dimple, every inch of him you could reach.
He laid you back on the bed like you were made of glass, his hand coming back up to your cheek as he settled in on top of you. He kissed you gently, pressing his lips to yours and just holding himself there for a moment.
Your hand rested on his chest, right over his heart, and you could feel how fast his pulse was, how his heart raced from being here with you like this. The moment was still and gentle. He was almost being chaste, but you could feel him throbbing against your lower stomach, his neediness making him grind down into you.
“I love you,” he breathed against your lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“I love you too, Joon,” you murmured back between his kisses. “Love you so much.”
He sighed happily, kissing you again. You wrapped your legs around him and felt him grinding down into you, his body perfectly fitting against yours. You were made to fit with him, to love him, to be loved by him.
He kissed down your body, pulling your sweater off and tossing it to the floor. You shivered when the cold air hit your skin, goosebumps spreading and your nipples pebbling as he covered you in kisses. You hadn’t been wearing a bra or anything else under your sweater, and Namjoon’s eyes lit up when he saw you, already half-bare before him.
“So fucking beautiful,” he sighed right over your heart, one hand coming up to squeeze your breast in firm pulses, your nipple hard against his palm as he licked and kissed his way over to the other.
You sighed, closing your eyes as you felt him lavishing you. You brought one hand up to the back of his head, stroking his silky hair as he worked.
His kisses trailed lower, down your stomach and around your navel before you realized you were shirtless and he was still fully dressed, and that was just completely unfair. You reached down and pulled at his sweater, your hands grabby and clumsy as you tried to pull it off of him at the awkward angle.
He realized what you were doing and sat up between your legs, pulling his sweater off and tossing it on the ground toward yours, and the sight of his body took your breath away.
His chest was large and defined and looked so firm. He had abs, because of course he did, and his stomach was taut and muscular. His pants hung dangerously low on his hips, showing off the wide V-lines leading down below his belt. You could see a slight hint of hair above his thick bulge, and you sucked in a harsh breath when you realized you were staring at him and he was just watching you with a sly smile on his face.
“You’re sexy,” you giggled, biting your lip.
“Yeah?” he said, cocking an eyebrow at you. He bent back over, kissing down your stomach again and bringing his hands up to slowly pull down your jeans and panties together. “I think you’re sexy,” he said as he kissed your hipbones, your thighs, all the way down to your knees.
And then you were naked before him, your legs spread, your jeans and panties on the floor behind Namjoon. He looked down at you like you were a work of art, his lips parting and eyes glazing over as he stared directly at your pussy, and you almost felt shy, wanting to close your legs and hide your face.
You didn’t, though; you just breathed and looked at him, letting yourself feel sexy and exposed in the best way. The way he looked at you made you feel confident and beautiful, like he’d never seen anything so wonderful, and you bit your lip, arching your back slightly and spreading your legs even further, like you were presenting yourself to him.
He groaned loudly, immediately bending over and settling between your legs. Your lips parted, looking down at him as he kissed and licked your thighs, nuzzling his face against your skin before kissing you there more. His lips were swollen and puffy and wet, and you wondered if that would make what he was about to do to you feel even better.
“Joon,” you sighed, letting your head fall back.
Nobody had ever gone down on you before, but you’d imagined him doing this to you so many times. Now, he was here, or at least about to be, still lavishing your inner thighs, and you had a feeling he was going to make it amazing for you. He was so protective, thoughtful, and intense. You knew he would take care of you.
Namjoon pressed his face against your crotch then, breathing in deeply. You widened your eyes and looked down at him, surprised, but he just buried his face in harder, inhaling you in long, deep breaths. You almost wanted to feel embarrassed; he was just smelling you, like he was trying to get high off your scent. You hadn’t been expecting this, but it made your heart flutter and made you feel even wetter for him. He was so sexy and depraved; you wondered what else he’d do to surprise you.
“Fuck,” he groaned, nuzzling in against your slit and breathing harder. He breathed like he was trying to smell you as much as possible; deep, slow inhales and then fast exhales, so he could breathe you in again sooner. His large hands held onto you, his arms wrapped around your thighs, holding you open for him as he just inhaled your scent.
“Do you have an oral fixation or something?” you laughed lightly, but you sobered when you looked down at him and saw the expression on his face, the intensity in his dark eyes, the possession in his features. He was pure sex, and he looked like he wanted to eat you alive. He looked at you like he wanted to consume you, like you belonged to him, and you wondered how much he’d thought about this before.
“You have no idea,” Namjoon growled, and before you could respond, he opened his mouth and licked slowly from your opening to your clit and then back down, his tongue plunging so deep inside you, you gasped and instinctively grabbed his hair with both hands. Your whole body jerked at his movement, moaning as he moved his mouth and ate you up.
He slurped loudly, pressing his face in hard as he moved his lips and tongue so expertly, you couldn’t help throwing your head back and moaning, the movement completely involuntary to you. His head moved around as he devoured you like a starving animal, moaning to himself as he worked, his tongue fucking in and out of you so fast before coming back up to your clit and sucking hard.
You’d never felt pleasure like this before; he was so much better, so much more intense, so much more than you’d ever imagined, and you’d always thought he’d be incredible. Your eyes closed and you bit your lip, feeling the way his tongue swirled around your opening and licked up your wetness like he was savoring you.
“Look at me,” he demanded, squeezing his hands on your thighs almost painfully, his voice a deep growl in his throat. You obeyed him without thought, looking down at what he was doing to you, and he rewarded you by sucking your clit between his lips, flicking his tongue over it while suctioning it as hard as he could, not breaking eye contact with you the entire time.
“J-Joon…” you gasped, nearly pulling his hair out of his head. You wanted to close your eyes and melt into the bed so badly, but his eyes held you there, making you watch him as he pleasured you. His intense, dark brown eyes almost seemed to scowl, his brow furrowing as he concentrated on fucking you with his tongue, his upper lip rubbing against your clit as he worked, firm and demanding and gentle and loving all at once.
“Mine,” he moaned against your pussy again, not taking his mouth off of you so you could feel the vibrations of his voice. He was worshipping your cunt, devouring you like he was starving for you, growling whenever you pulled his hair too hard or moaned for him in a way he liked. Your back arched and you let yourself close your eyes, unable to stop yourself as your loud moans turned into gibberish, raising in pitch as he brought you right up to the edge.
Your sudden orgasm overwhelmed you, your eyes closing and mouth opening wide in a silent scream as Namjoon pushed you through it, his mouth not easing up even as you shook, unable to breathe, nothing in your head but the electric pleasure he pumped into you.
“Joon, please, fuck,” you gasped, moaning loudly with each harsh exhale, but he didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down as your body began writhing and twitching in intense overstimulation. He just held your thighs apart, his mouth still connected to your pussy and tongue still moving inside you and lip on your clitoris as you cried out and held onto his hair.
You’d never understood before, how people could scream during sex. Whenever you’d read about it in the past, you’d always thought it was some kind of silly exaggeration, or figured it was just something you didn’t do. However, now, feeling what Namjoon was doing to you, you understood. He was torturing you and giving you the most intense pleasure you’d ever felt, and you screamed his name as you came on his tongue again, your hips rolling as you gave in to the pleasure completely and tried to ride his mouth through your orgasm. Your body moved on its own accord, seeking out pleasure and grinding against his face as he fucked you with his tongue. He held his tongue in place and let you fuck his face, his intense eyes never leaving yours as you lost control.
Your vision went white, your body numb except for the all-consuming pleasure you felt in your core, your limbs shaking and back arching again as Namjoon moved up and sucked on your clit. You stopped breathing as stars exploded behind your eyelids, your throat hoarse from moaning and screaming, Namjoon’s hands squeezing your thighs comfortingly as you started to come down again and he still didn’t take his mouth off you.
“Joon,” you gasped, pulling his hair, and you moaned when you felt him growl, his mouth still on you. You could feel his warm, slick tongue circling your clit slowly as he watched you, and you groaned, unable to form any words other than his name.
He was breathing hard through his nose, inhaling you again. His tongue moved slowly, his dark eyes animalistic and possessive, and you whimpered and closed your eyes, unable to do anything else. Your body was jelly. You were fairly certain you wouldn’t be able to move if you tried, though your legs twitched a little in overstimulation when Namjoon moved back down and gently licked your folds, still not taking his mouth off you.
“Please,” you breathed, stroking his sweaty hair back from his forehead.
You weren’t sure what you were asking for, but his eyes softened and he pulled away, only a few inches, a strand of your wetness still connecting his mouth to your cunt. You could see how his lips were still swollen and the whole bottom half of his face was dripping wet, but despite it, you couldn’t help thinking he looked like such a sweetheart in that moment. He was your sweetheart, your Joonie, and you loved him more than your heart could bear.
“Joon, come here,” you moaned, reaching out for him.
He came back to you immediately, settling in on top of you and kissing you all over your face as he held himself carefully off of you. You giggled softly, closing your eyes as you felt him leaving wet kisses on you, but you didn’t care. You loved how messy and intense he was.
“You were so good for me, princess. You taste so good, better than I ever imagined,” he murmured, and then he kissed your lips, slow and gentle and loving. You moaned for him, wrapping your shaky arms and legs around his body as he deepened the kiss, letting you taste yourself on his tongue as he stroked your hair back from your face.
“Love you,” you breathed against his lips, feeling him smile.
“Love you too, my angel,” he said, kissing you again. “I still can’t believe this is happening. I’ve wanted you for so long, and now it’s real, and I…” He trailed off, his eyes lost in wonder as he looked at you.
“I know what you mean,” you said, bringing one hand up to cup his cheek. He was so beautiful like this above you, his mouth still wet, his hair wild from you pulling on it, his pupils blown with desire.
He leaned in and kissed you again, and you sighed happily into his mouth, feeling like you were his.
Looking back now, you didn’t know how you could’ve ever thought he didn’t love you too. His devotion, his protection, his friendship with you were all cast in a different light now, and you could see his love in all of his actions. The way he always remembered the things you love and made you happy. How he reminded you to take your pills, because he knew how you were forgetful and hated missing them. How he joked with you and tickled you and teased you. The way he protected you the last few days and promised he’d always keep you safe.
He was your protector, your guardian, your love, your Namjoon. Yours.
“Make love to me, Joon,” you sighed, and he groaned against your mouth. He pulled back just enough to look at you, stroking your hair back from your face as he searched your eyes.
“Are you sure, baby? We don’t have to, after what we just did,” he said, and he cupped your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin. He looked scared, like he actually thought you’d turn him down now.
“Yes,” you said, maybe a little too eagerly, which made you both smile. You continued, “I want you so bad. I need you. You know I’m on birth control, and I trust you. Please make love to me, Namjoon. We’ve waited long enough.”
Namjoon nodded as you spoke, his eyes lost in wonder as he looked like he was almost tearing up at your words. He surged forward and kissed you, taking your breath away and making your back arch in ecstasy, just from this.
You worked together to push his pants and boxers down his legs, his mouth not leaving yours as he kicked them off. You wanted to look at him and see his body, his big muscular thighs, his cock you’d felt so hard against you, but you couldn’t; he just kissed and kissed and kissed you, your lips numb and heart full of his love.
You could look at him later, you told yourself. You could lay him back and spend hours exploring his body later today or tomorrow. Right now, you were both too worked up to stop.
You felt him reach down and pull your leg up higher around his hip, and then he was lining himself up at your entrance, circling the head of his cock around your clit and making you gasp into his mouth.
“You like that?” he teased, his smug smile making you want to flip him over and ride him and give him something to smirk about. Instead, he rubbed himself against your clit again, catching on it and making you both gasp against each other’s mouth.
“Please,” you begged, and he bit his lip, his teasing smirk melting away and adoration filling his eyes.
“Yes, baby,” he said, as if he was answering your unspoken question. He lined himself up with your entrance, sliding in carefully and making you close your eyes and throw your head back, instantly grabbing at his shoulders as you moaned.
He was so big. You should’ve known, really, with how big and perfect he was in all other areas, but the feeling of him filling you up so completely had you seeing stars and digging your fingernails into his shoulders. You felt him bottom out and press his hips to yours, and you bit your lip, your eyes squeezed closed as you tried not to moan at just the feeling of him deep inside you. He wasn’t even moving yet, giving you time to adjust, but just this had you nearly delirious.
“F-fuck,” he groaned, his face pressed in against your neck. He was breathing hard, and you wondered for a moment if he was smelling and inhaling you again, like what he’d done when he’d eaten you out.
The memory of that made you unconsciously squeeze him, and Namjoon moaned, his hand moving to your hip and squeezing hard.
“Stay still,” he growled, nearly seething.
“You okay?” you giggled, and your slight movement from that made him bite his lip and grind down into you so hard you gasped.
“Trying to calm down,” he said, his voice deep and rough and so sexy, you almost subconsciously squeezed him again. “Don’t want this to be over before it starts.”
“You that worked up?” you teased, watching the way he set his jaw and breathed hard as he tried to get used to the feeling of being inside you.
You were both breathless, desperate, barely hanging on by a thread, but you wanted to live in this moment with him just a little longer. Namjoon was inside you. He was about to make love to you. He was yours.
“You have no idea,” he said, stroking your hair back from your face. He seemed to like doing that, and it made you want to wear your hair down as much as possible from now on. “I could probably come just from eating your pussy.”
“How romantic,” you giggled, and he quirked an eyebrow at you, smiling as you grinned up at him.
“I like to think so,” he said, and he moved his hips a little, only slightly, but enough to make your lips part and a small whimper escape you.
“Namjoon,” you sighed, watching the way his eyes softened further, hearing you say his name like this.
“Y/N,” he said right back, his voice gentle and loving.
He held your cheek, tracing your bottom lip with his thumb as he rocked his hips carefully, watching your reaction. He felt so good, you wanted to close your eyes, but couldn’t, not with him watching you like this. You made intense, unbroken eye contact, connected to him in every way possible.
“You’re so perfect,” he breathed, a bead of sweat appearing on his forehead. You wondered it was from exertion or the heat the two of you were creating in this cozy little cottage, or if it was from him holding himself back. “So tight and wet for me.”
You’d imagined your first time with Namjoon so many times over the years. Your fantasies were graphic and usually based on sexual frustration, so you typically imagined him bending you over something or pushing you up against a wall, something hard and fast and deliciously rough. You’d wanted him to fuck you so badly, even before you’d fallen in love with him.
Now, though, was the opposite of what you’d always thought of. He held your face and looked at you like he treasured you. He was slow, your bodies moving together like the two of you were made for this, for loving each other, breathing in each other’s pleasure, and when you moaned, he kissed the corner of your mouth, his body rocking with yours as you tightened your legs around him and threaded one hand through his thick black hair.
“Love you,” he breathed against your lips, and you started to respond but were cut short when he hit a spot inside you that made your eyes roll back in your head. He bit his lip, angling himself so he could hit it again, sliding in and out of you so slowly, you swore you could almost feel the shape of his cock, the thick veins on it, the ridge on its head. When you whimpered and looked up at him with pleading eyes, he said, “You like that, princess?”
“Yes,” you gasped, groaning when he kept hitting that spot so slowly, so steadily, so wonderfully, you wondered how you’ve lived this long without knowing you could feel this kind of pleasure. It made you hike your legs up around him higher, hold onto his shoulders tighter, pleading him with your eyes and your moans because your words were failing you.
He brought the arm he was supporting himself with down just long enough to grab one of your hands, lacing his fingers with yours above your head. His other hand still held your cheek, and you moaned from how romantic and sweet he was, how close to him you felt, how much you loved him. You felt like your soul was becoming unwound and bound to his.
“Feels so good,” he sighed against your mouth, your lips moving with his as he spoke. He was sweating and you wanted to lick his skin, but he was moving a little faster now, the sound of his hips meeting yours now audible.
“Joon,” was all you could say, your mouth falling open as you felt him pounding into you. He was losing control, his brow furrowed and hand squeezing yours as he moaned against your mouth.
“Love you so much,” he gasped, and then he kissed you, sloppy and breathy and just as desperate as you felt. “Love you, love you, I love you…” He trailed off, repeating it with every harsh exhale as he poured his love into you.
You forced yourself to speak, despite how overwhelmed with pleasure you felt, because you knew you’d always regret it if you didn’t tell him as much as possible during your first time together.
“I love you,” you gasped, holding onto his hair with your hand he wasn’t still holding, and he pulled back just enough to look down at you as he kept rolling his hips desperately, his knees on the bed spreading as he kept bucking into you.
“Say it again,” he said, his dark eyes wild, his hand on your cheek moving so he could rub his thumb against your lip again. “Please, baby, say it more. I need to hear it.”
“I love you, Joon,” you nearly screamed, because you needed him to hear it too, and because his pelvic bone was now hitting your clit with every hard thrust and you were so close you could already see stars. “I love you, I love you, I…”
You groaned and closed your eyes as you came, squeezing his hand and arching your back as your orgasm hit you like a crack of lightning: sudden, electric, overwhelming, reverberating. He watched your expression closely as you came, still caressing your face, and you didn’t even care that he was looking at you like this. It was overwhelmingly intimate, but you just felt closer to him.
“So beautiful,” he breathed, rolling his hips slower now, and you wondered how he was still holding onto his composure. You could see a vein in his forehead throbbing, the way his jaw set, how he groaned when your pussy fluttered around him. He was close, and you wanted to watch him come. You wanted to see him experience the pleasure he’d given you again and again.
“Fuck me,” you breathed, unable to move. “Come inside me, Joon. Please.”
He didn’t even respond.
Namjoon suddenly let go of you, sitting up on his knees and pulling your hips up with him, your head and upper body still on the mattress, your legs bent and back arched. You’d never had sex like this before, never even imagined it, but it was incredible; you felt so exposed, your whole body bare before him as he truly fucked you.
His eyes were glued to where the two of you were joined, watching the way his cock slid in and out of you, how you took every inch of him, how wet you were for him. You felt overwhelmed in the best way possible, and you moaned and let yourself relax, let yourself watch him take his pleasure.
“Mine,” he growled under his breath, his eyes not leaving your pussy.
“Yours,” you whimpered, and he looked up at your face, his eyes wide, like he couldn’t believe you’d just said that, like it was the most wonderful thing he’d ever heard.
His mouth fell open as he came, a choking noise escaping him from deep in his throat, his eyes open and not leaving yours. You felt how his hips stuttered, the way he squeezed your hips so hard, how the warmth of his seed filled you up and spread within you. He looked so beautiful, like a painting of an angel or a marble statue, his muscular body taut and sweaty before he gasped and let himself relax, breathing hard as he came down from his high.
He collapsed on the bed beside you, careful to keep his weight off of you but throwing one arm across your body. You turned on your side toward him as he pulled you against him, his body warm, flushed, and slick from sweat.
“I love you so much,” he said, his voice twice as deep as normal. He huffed as he turned on his side toward you, clearly exhausted and spent from how thoroughly he’d fucked you. You’d have to give him a massage later, and maybe that could lead to more fun.
“I love you too,” you said, giggling as he wrapped both his arms around you and pulled you tight against his chest.
“You’re so beautiful, so perfect for me,” he said against your lips, and you giggled when he kissed the tip of your nose.
“I love you, Joon,” you repeated, more serious now. “I didn’t say that enough. I was too busy having my brains fucked out, but I love you. I’m going to say it a hundred times a day from now on.”
Namjoon snorted, but you didn’t miss the blush on his cheeks and ears.
“I love you too,” he said quietly, his eyes falling to your kiss-swollen lips. “You’re my everything. My whole world. I’ve loved you for years now, since maybe the first month I started working for your mother.”
“This whole time?” you said, and your heart fluttered when he nodded.
“I can’t give you things like fancy cars and hotels or a big house,” he said, and your brow furrowed, confused where he was going with this. He continued, bringing one hand up to hold you cheek, “I’m not rich like Jin, and I know I don’t have a lot going for me, but I have some savings. After this is all over, I want to try to give you the whole world, or as much as I can. I used to write poems, and I want to write some for you. I want to build you a house, maybe. Something small, like this place. I want to give you everything I can, and I know it’s not a lot, but–”
“You don’t have to give me anything,” you said, and you reached out and held his face with both hands, making sure he was focused. “I don’t need anything like money or cars or a big house, or even a small house. You definitely don’t have to build me a house yourself. I just want you. I don’t care about anything else, as long as we’re together.”
“But you deserve–”
“I deserve you and your love,” you cut him off. “We deserve each other. We deserve to be safe and happy and in love. We deserve to go home after all this, and to be together for as long as you still want me.”
He was quiet for a moment, just looking at you as you still held his face with both hands. His cheeks were squished together slightly, and he looked like a cute little chipmunk.
“I’ll want you forever,” he eventually said, and you smiled, seeing the teasing look in his eyes and the little smirk on his perfect lips. “It’s you wanting me that’s the problem. You’re stuck with me until you realize what a loser I am and kick me to the curb.”
“Not gonna happen,” you giggled, and he turned his head just enough to kiss your palm.
“Then I guess we’re stuck with each other,” he said, and you gasped when you felt him tickle your side, just a little before pulling you tighter against him. “And I’m going to tell you I love you a hundred times a day, too.”
“That’s all I need,” you said, beaming. “Though I might take you up on that small house offer you made, since we’ll need to live somewhere, and I think I’m ready to get away from embassy life after all this. We can just buy one instead of building it ourselves, and we’re going halfsies on it. I definitely want some of those love poems you mentioned, though.”
“Deal,” he said, and he leaned in and kissed you, sighing happily against your mouth.
You tried not to smile so wide as he kissed you, but you couldn’t help it. His presence, his love, his kisses all made you grin like a fool in love, because that’s totally what you were.
When Namjoon woke up a few hours later, he realized he was spooning you.
Your legs were tangled together, and both of you were still very naked, laying on top of the covers. You had each other’s body heat though, and the fire across the room was still crackling in the cast iron fireplace. He had a feeling the two of you had messed up your sleep schedules again, right after fixing them, and he couldn’t even bring himself to care.
He smiled to himself, feeling your gentle breathing and leaning in just enough to press a kiss to your shoulder. He didn’t remember when or how the two of you had fallen asleep, but he’d definitely needed the nap after everything the two of you had done.
He almost couldn’t believe it. Other than his most lovesick fantasies, he’d never dared to imagine a version of his life where you loved him as much as he loved you. He never thought he’d be able to tell you, or that he’d be allowed to touch you and make love to you like he wanted. He remembered back to Poland, how he’d briefly considered resigning from this job and telling you about his feelings. All that felt like eons ago, not a few days.
Now, Namjoon was the luckiest man alive. He was sure of it.
You sighed in your sleep, nuzzling back against him, and he tightened his arms around you protectively. He leaned his head up just enough to see you were still sleeping peacefully, and he reached up and stroked your hair back from your face, where a strand had fallen across your forehead. He was addicted to touching you and caring for you, and he knew he was only going to get more doting, more protective, more in love.
You were an angel. Your body had felt like heaven, and you’d tasted sweeter than honey, better than he’d ever imagined. He hadn’t been able to hold himself back from breathing you in like that when he’d eaten you out, and you’d almost seemed to like it, he thought with a smirk.
He had big plans about spending an hour or two between your legs at some point in the next few days, worshipping you and driving you crazy, and he wasn’t sure yet if he was going to make you come over and over until you couldn’t take anymore, or if he was going to not let you come until the very end. Both sounded so wonderful, and as he looked at you in his arms, sleeping peacefully and cuddling so close to him, he decided he’d just have to do both, one tomorrow and one a few days later, maybe, just to see which approach you liked more.
His dick twitched at the thought, hardening slightly against your ass. He closed his eyes, trying not to think too much about it. He wanted to hold you and let you sleep until you woke up on your own, and to not seem like such a sex-obsessed pervert.
You sighed in your sleep, though, wiggling back against him and grinding against him unknowingly. He groaned, biting his lip and attempting to hold you still, but you made a beautiful little noise and arched your back slightly, and he realized then that you were now awake.
“Joon,” you sighed, rubbing up against him in a way that made his eyes roll back in his head. You took both his hands, which had been resting innocently at your stomach, and brought one up to your breast, pushing the other down between your legs.
“Baby,” he groaned back, immediately seeking out your clit. You were still wet for him, your pussy like silk beneath his fingertips, and he leaned in and sucked your earlobe between his teeth, his chest rumbling in satisfaction and frustration alike as you moved against his erection.
“I was dreaming about you,” you said, your voice a siren’s call pulling him in. “We were back in that bed and breakfast in Poland, and we were in the shower together. You remember that outdated little bathroom in our honeymoon suite?”
“Mmm,” Namjoon hummed, circling your clit in lazy strokes. “What was I doing to you?”
“Touching me like this,” you breathed, gasping when he brought his fingers down to your entrance, dipping two of them into your tight wet heat. You’d been so tight for him earlier, he’d nearly lost his mind when he’d finally sunk into you. Now, feeling that again, his heart raced as he felt you squeezing his fingers, his mind going blank when he felt you squirming in his arms.
You brought your leg up, hooking it back over his legs, and he pushed one leg between your thighs, letting you grind back against him. You rode his fingers, grinding your clit against his palm, and all Namjoon could do was bite his lip and let you fuck yourself on his hand. He was so hard, his cock throbbing against your ass, but this was about you. He wanted to pleasure you.
His plans for keeping this all about you died, though, when you whimpered, “Joon, fuck me, please,” as you reached down and squeezed his wrist.
Namjoon immediately rolled you onto your stomach, pulling your hips up and lining himself up as he mounted you. You were so wet you were dripping for him, so he knew you were ready. He couldn’t wait a second longer, not with you begging him like this. He wanted to ravage you. He wanted to claim you.
He pushed in until his hips were flush against your ass, his cock buried inside you to the hilt. You moaned loudly, arching your back and pressing your ass up against him, and he grabbed your hip, keeping the angle perfect as he started rolling his hips.
“Fuck, just like that,” he groaned, wrapping his other arm around your stomach. He was pressed against you fully, all but laying on top of you as he fucked you like this. You were making the most beautiful noises, moving with him as he rolled his hips again and again and again, the sound of his pelvis hitting your ass filling the room in wet slaps.
He kissed your shoulder, nipping and licking your skin as he moved his arm around you up so he could squeeze one of your breasts. You were so small under him, he was worried he’d crush you, but you were breathing and moaning loudly and begging him for more.
“Harder, Joon, please…” you cried out, your small hands grasping at the sheets.
And he could never not grant your every wish.
He moved his hips hard and fast. He held you tight against his chest, his face buried in against your neck as he moaned with every harsh exhale. Both his arms were now wrapped around you, squeezing you to him as he fucked you as hard as he could, pouring his energy and love into you. You were crying out for him, your moans almost sounding like his name, and he turned his head and licked your neck. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to taste your sweat. He wanted to feel your skin, to claim you, to taste you as he fucked you stupid and made you his.
He brought one of his hands down to your clit, and you screamed and thrashed, writhing in his arms and fucking yourself back against him. He rubbed your clit hard, not relenting with his hips, and he felt you gushing as you groaned loudly. He could feel you milking his cock as you came, your orgasm messy and long, and his hand was now much, much wetter. Holy fuck, had he just made you squirt? His eyes rolled back in his head as he came too, the idea of him giving you that much pleasure way too much for him to handle.
He came inside you again, like earlier, and it fulfilled a primal part of his mind, his caveman side that wanted to fuck you hard and fast and never stop. This part of him wanted to cover you in his cum, to choke you on his cock, to dominate you and make you his. He normally pushed this part of his mind away, telling himself you were your own person and that women didn’t like over-possessive cavemen, but right now he couldn’t help himself. He wanted you to know you belonged to him. He let his possession and caveman instincts take over.
Still in the height of his pleasure, he leaned in and bit your shoulder. You moaned so loud it was almost a shout, writhing as he squeezed you in his arms, holding you still as he filled your pussy with his cum. His cock was still inside you, and he felt you throbbing as his bite made you climax one more time, a gentle orgasm that made you shudder.
“Mine,” he growled against your ear, and you whimpered, nodding.
“Yours,” you said, and he felt your pussy fluttering.
“This pussy belongs to me,” he said, pressing his face against the side of your head and breathing hard. He felt like a feral animal, staking its claim and marking its territory.
You moaned loudly in response, nodding. Your cunt was throbbing around his softening cock now, and he wondered if you wanted more now. Maybe he could eat your pussy until he got hard again, or finger you and watch your face as he made you come.
“You’re such a good girl,” he said, and he moved his fingers where they were still buried in your pussy. He flicked his finger over your clit and you gasped, your legs twitching in overstimulation, and he felt your movements where he was still connected to you, still buried deep inside despite the fact he was overstimulated, too. “You want more, beloved?”
“Not yet,” you whimpered, and that made Namjoon go still.
He immediately pulled out and rolled off of you, moving onto his side beside you. He put one hand on your back, rubbing gently. Fuck, had he gone too far? Why hadn’t you told him to stop before now? Shit. His stupid caveman shit had been too much, too intense. Why had he let himself get carried away like that?
“Was that too much?” he quickly said, stroking your hair back from your face as you rolled onto your side, facing him.
“No,” you said, smiling at him lazily. “That was amazing. I just want a little break before more, though.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, but he was still worried you were just being nice.
“I think we need to change the sheets,” you said, glancing down at the large wet spot now beneath you. “I’ve never… done that before. I didn’t even know I could.”
So he had gotten you to squirt, Namjoon thought with a smug grin. You giggled when you saw his expression, reaching out and pinching his arm. He was still worried he’d gone too far, but he let your easy-going mood calm him down.
“That was the best sex of my life,” you said after a moment, still breathing steadily, as if you’d just finished a huge workout. “You’re incredible, Joon.”
“Your shoulder’s okay?” he said, grimacing and bracing himself as he glanced toward your bite mark. He hadn’t broken skin, but the mark was red and bruising.
“My shoulder’s fine. Everything was perfect,” you sighed happily. You looked love-dazed, smiling at him lazily. You moved forward, snuggling in against his chest and hooking one leg over his hip. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you, putting one leg between your thighs.
He let himself feel relieved. He wanted to have a talk with you later about boundaries and what exactly you wanted from sex, but for now, the two of you could cuddle and enjoy your afterglow. He never wanted to feel like this again, to worry he’d gone too far. You seemed happy and satisfied, but he needed to make sure he was being good to you. He wanted you to feel safe with him, for you to feel cherished and protected and loved.
“I love you, baby,” he said, and he meant it with his whole heart. Your cute little smile up at him made him melt. He was so far gone, and he knew it.
“I love you too,” you said.
He watched your expression shift from loving to happy to what he thought might be hungry, your eyes glancing over toward the kitchen. You were always such an open book, and he loved how he could look at you and tell what you were thinking. Well, apparently not, he thought, since you’d had feelings for him and he’d never suspected.
“The chicken’s probably bad by now, sitting out this long,” you said, your kiss-swollen lips pouting.
“That’s okay,” he said softly. He stroked your back, running his fingertips along your skin. “We can have something else.”
You made a silly face at him and he snorted.
You got up, and Namjoon had to stop himself from grabbing you and pulling you back into bed. He watched you pad over and pick up the sweater he’d been wearing earlier, pulling it on and apparently being satisfied wearing just that. It was big on you, falling down past the swell of your ass, and Namjoon pushed down the spike of possession he felt, seeing you prancing around in his clothes and with your legs and thighs on display.
He sat up, reaching out and snagging the boxers he’d been wearing earlier. If you were happy half-naked then so was he, and he stood, stretching in place.
When he opened his eyes, he saw the way you were staring at his body, openly ogling him.
He smirked. You hadn’t noticed him looking at you yet, still staring at his stomach, or more likely his crotch. You sure were a horny little thing.
“My eyes are up here,” he said, smiling when your eyes went wide and face turned red.
The two of you salvaged the potatoes you’d boiled earlier, Namjoon mashing them up in a bowl while you threw out the chicken. It had only been halfway cooked and then had sat out for over four hours, so neither of you wanted to risk it. You had a few more packs in the refrigerator anyway, so it wasn’t like you’d starve.
You cooked another pack of chicken breast in the skillet, finishing off the olive oil and a few of the spices. The two of you ate in comfortable silence, playing footsie under the table for real this time. Namjoon had never been one for cutesy couple antics like this, but now, he loved it. He loved it because it was with you.
After a late lunch that Namjoon was pretty sure actually qualified as early dinner, he sat back in his chair, full and satisfied and watching you with a lazy smile.
Without a word, you got up and came over to him, sitting in his lap and tucking your head under his chin. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, holding you and hoping you wouldn’t get up for at least a few hours.
He almost frowned in disappointment when you pulled back, but he looked at you, biting his lip as you resettled in his lap. You were sitting so that you could look at him, sideways across his thighs, one of your hands on his bare chest. He’d imagined you sitting in his lap hundreds of times over the years, and now you were here, cozy and warm and smelling like sex and firewood.
“Where do you think we’re going after this?” you said. Namjoon’s heart beamed as you reached up and stroked his hair. He held you tighter, loving feeling you close.
“We don’t have to leave for a while, since we’re safe here. We can stay as long as we can afford to, if you want. Don’t even have to leave the cottage.” He didn’t want you to worry. He figured this was much safer than some city, and he wanted to keep you here with him. Forever, ideally, here in this perfect little cottage barely big enough for the two of you.
“We’ll need more food soon,” you said, giggling when he crinkled his nose at you. “I’ll also eventually have to go to a doctor, or at least a pharmacy. Maybe I could go under a fake name or something. I have three weeks left of birth control, and maybe a month left of Ritalin before I need refills. I don’t think I’d be able to quit them both, especially around the same time.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he said, rubbing your back. “I’m sure we can get ahold of them somehow.” Namjoon knew how much it upset you to go off of your prescriptions, how exact you liked to be in taking them, how much they both affected your mental health. He didn’t care if he had to rob a pharmacy, he’d get you your meds.
His plans to commit felonies melted away as you turned in his lap and leaned your head on his shoulder, nuzzling in against him. He immediately wrapped his arms around you and held you, kissing your forehead.
“I’ll always keep you safe, Y/N,” he murmured into your hair, closing his eyes. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” you said, and he held you closer, kissing your forehead over and over and over.
You and Namjoon had had a very late night, taking turns teasing each other and trying out a few of your fantasies until neither of you could keep your eyes open any longer.
Your favorite had been riding him and telling him he wasn’t allowed to touch you, and watching him squirm and beg and squeeze his hands into tight fists, having to hold himself back from reaching down and grabbing your hips.
Namjoon had said his favorite of last night’s activities was going down on you, which did not surprise you at all. Your legs were still shaky from that, how he’d eaten your pussy for well over an hour, giving you so many orgasms you’d lost count and passed out at the end from an especially intense orgasm. Like, full-out unconscious, waking up to Namjoon shaking your shoulder and calling your name, his eyes wide and fearful. Up until that point had been incredible, though, and you fully believed him about his oral fixation now.
Now, it was morning, the two of you had eaten breakfast and taken a shower together, and now you were getting dressed and preparing to run to the grocery store again. You wanted to buy more meat and more supplies to last here longer, so that you wouldn’t have to leave the cottage for anything for a few weeks. You were considering buying a puzzle or two, and maybe you could run to a bookstore in town and see if they had an English section.
As you finished pulling on your socks, Namjoon was humming to himself as he washed the dishes in the kitchen sink. You didn’t know why, but seeing a man willing to do housework was a huge turn on for you. He just seemed so domestic, like someone you could see yourself living with forever and growing old with. He was perfect, like your fantasy of your ideal man come to life, except better and here and real.
“I’m almost done,” he said when he looked over and saw you were now fully dressed. “I just didn’t want to leave the sink full.”
You strode over to him and hugged him from behind, squeezing him tightly. You felt him grunt, and you kissed his shoulder.
“What was that for?” he said, glancing back over his shoulder. You could see the gentleness and curiosity in his eyes, one of his eyebrows raised.
“Just wanted to love on you a little,” you said, kissing his shoulder again. The soft fabric of his sweater tickled your nose, and you nuzzled in, still hugging him.
You felt him laugh a little, and then he got back to doing the dishes, the water splashing in the sink. You just held onto him the whole time, loving feeling your perfect man.
After a few minutes, he was done, and the two of you pulled on your jackets and boots and got ready to go. You didn’t want to bring all of your cash with you, so you dug out about two thousand Czech koruna and tucked it into your pocket.
While you got the money, Namjoon put on his gun holster and tucked a few rounds into his pockets. You didn’t really think it was necessary, but you knew he liked playing it safe. Plus, seeing him holding a dangerous firearm and knowing he could use it was kinda sexy, you had to admit. You weren’t a gun person by any means, but he was so badass and sexy and masculine. You bit your lip as you watched him tuck his gun away, your eyes zeroing in on his big hands and long fingers.
Outside, it wasn’t snowing anymore, but there were still a few inches on the ground and trees, and the car’s windows would need scraped. Your breath fogged in the chill morning air as Namjoon locked up the cottage, and you looked out at the forest, sighing happily to yourself.
It was so still and peaceful out here. There were no sounds from the trees, no birds, no animals or passing cars. The only people for miles were you and Namjoon, most likely. You didn’t know how close the other cottages were, but you loved the idea of being out here alone with Namjoon. It was like your own little world.
“I want to drive,” he said once the cottage was locked up, taking your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. You’d both opted not to wear your mittens, figuring it was such a short walk to the car, you didn’t really need them. The two of you walked hand-in-hand down the porch stairs, both of your shoes crunching in the snow.
“You can drive if you clear the windows,” you said, pointing at the snow-covered car.
“Deal,” he said, squeezing your hand.
As the two of you approached the car, Namjoon suddenly stopped.
You looked up at him, furrowing your brow. You opened your mouth to question him, but he squeezed your hand again, this time much more firmly.
He was searching along the tree line, his eyes flitting around as he stood there frozen. You couldn’t see or hear anything, but it was like something had set him off, a small noise you hadn’t caught, or maybe a flash of something you hadn’t seen. He looked like he was even holding his breath, his eyes squinting as he looked for something you couldn’t detect.
“Joon?” you asked quietly, unease spreading in your stomach. He was scaring you, and you wanted to pull him back inside the cottage and hide away.
His eyes suddenly went wide as he inhaled sharply.
Namjoon grabbed you, throwing you both onto the ground, nearly tackling you. He put himself fully on top of you, his arms up around your head, and despite how careful he’d tried to be, the wind was knocked out of you from his sudden movement.
Behind you, the ground exploded as a gunshot rang out. A missed shot, you realized. Someone had shot at you and hit the small hill behind the car instead.
“Joon, what’s happening?” you gasped, your eyes going wide as you looked up at him. He growled, pulling you beside the car and moving to his knees. He had you positioned so that you were sitting beside the wheel, completely blocked from the gunman on the other side of the car.
Namjoon pulled his gun out and fired off a few shots, staying hidden behind the car as well as he could.
“There’s so many of them,” Namjoon growled, and your heart nearly stopped. Many? You’d only heard one gunshot, but now you could hear a lot of people running through the trees, at least ten, maybe more.
You were frozen. Was it the terrorist group? It had to be. How had they found you? You and Namjoon had been so careful! You’d stayed hidden and off the grid. What had you done wrong? Was it traffic cameras? The woman at the cottage rental building? The grocery store? Jin’s tablet being hacked? What had you done wrong?
Namjoon was shooting his gun, using the car for cover, and he stopped to reload.
“Take him out and grab her!” you heard one of the men yell.
You turned where you sat, peeking out over the hood of the car.
You could see eight of the men, but heard more as gunshots rang out and hit the car and the hill behind you. They were all dressed in black tactical gear, like a SWAT team in a movie, and they all had assault rifles, earpieces, helmets, and bulletproof vests. Namjoon had his handgun, but you hadn’t even thought to wear your vest.
Namjoon stood then, firing off several shots in quick succession. You saw one of the men go down, but a few more of them fired back, bullets hitting the car and the hill behind you. Snow and dirt exploded where the bullets struck the ground, the gunshots ringing in your ears all at once as you covered your head and tried to shrink in on yourself.
You looked up at Namjoon, watching him close one eye as he used the top of the car to steady his shot. He was trying to pick the men off one by one, but there were so many of them, and he was so outgunned, he couldn’t keep up. One more of the men fell, but the others continued slowly pressing forward, using the trees for cover.
Your heart stopped as Namjoon was hit in his right shoulder, the force of it making him take a step back in surprise as he grunted.
He was still holding the gun in his right hand, and he tried to raise that hand again to keep shooting, but couldn’t.
“Joon,” you gasped, your eyes wide and focused only on the way blood now soaked his jacket there, the dark red spreading out further every second.
You couldn’t breathe. He was shot. Your Namjoon was shot.
You started to stand up and help him, but another shot rang out, this time hitting him in his stomach, glass shattering as the bullet went through the car’s windows and into him. Namjoon looked down, almost in confusion, and this time he dropped down to one knee, hiding behind the car with you. He dropped the gun in the snow, holding his stomach with both hands.
“Namjoon,” you cried, pressing your hands on his shoulder wound.
“It’s okay,” he mumbled, biting his lip as he pressed on his stomach hard, blood seeping out around his fingers. “I’m fine. We’ll be fine. It’s okay, baby.”
“No it’s not! You were shot! What are we gonna do?”
“It’s okay.”
He reached up and cupped your cheek, his hand covered in his own blood, and he had you look up at him, his eyes searching yours. You were breathing too fast, your heart beating out of your chest, your mind racing through every horrifying way this situation could end. You could feel how wet his hand was from his blood, and you didn’t even care about him touching your face with that hand. The only thoughts in your head were your fears for him.
Namjoon was shot. He was bleeding. These men could take you from him, leaving him here to die alone.
Tears were streaming down your face, and you hadn’t even realized. Your hands on his shoulder were shaking, your face horrified as you looked up at him. He was calm, though, almost smiling as he looked at you and held your face.
Only a second or two passed, but time was frozen for you. Namjoon looked at you like you were his whole world, his eyes lost in wonder and love as gunshots rang out and hit the car.
“I love you so much, sweetheart,” he said quietly. He took a deep breath, wincing in pain, but tried to not show it.
“I love you too,” you said, your voice small and broken.
Namjoon bit his lip and looked down at his stomach, his shoulders becoming tense. He was in more pain, maybe as the adrenaline started wearing off, and his breathing became rougher and more strained. He took his hand from your cheek and held his stomach again, blood seeping out and covering his sweater and jacket.
You set your jaw as you looked at him.
These men made Namjoon feel pain. They were trying to take you from him. They hurt the man you love.
They hurt Namjoon.
Your hands stopped shaking. Your vision went red.
Namjoon called out your name as you picked up his gun and stood. You aimed at one of the men, the closest one, and shot, watching him fall and clutch his chest, right above the bulletproof vest he wore. You shot another, then another, not stopping or blinking as you hit them in the head, the chest, even one in the neck.
Gunshot. That one was for making you jump off a train and twist your ankle. Gunshot. That one was for following you to that little town in Poland, and making you have to steal a car from that poor family. Gunshot. That one was for interrupting your lovefest with Namjoon in this perfect little cottage you’d never wanted to leave, but was now ruined for you.
You shot two more men, the gunshots so fast they echoed together like thunder.
“Reload,” you said, letting the empty bullet-holder-thing drop out. Namjoon handed you another round, his blood-soaked fingers skimming against yours, and you reloaded the gun exactly how he’d shown you back in Vienna as you let pure, cold rage coarse through you.
You’d never fired a gun before today, but your aim was shockingly good, and you didn’t care enough to think about it. Your hands were steady. You weren’t frozen and in shock, how you normally reacted when you were scared. You felt nothing, thought nothing, didn’t see anything other than the men who’d hurt Namjoon. You were going to make every last one of them pay.
There’d been a dozen men total, but now only three were left standing, the others on the ground either holding their wounds or not moving at all. You aimed and hit another right in the face, snarling and breathing steadily as you watched him fall.
“Y/N…” Namjoon started, but you ignored him.
“Two more,” you muttered, seething now, watching the men reload and hide behind trees. One of these men could’ve been the one who shot Namjoon. You felt pure bloodlust, and you didn’t plan on stopping until all of them were dead.
“Baby,” Namjoon said, pulling you from your thoughts and taking your hand. His voice sounded strained, but like he was trying to power through it. “Be careful. Take cover more, or they could hit you.”
“Okay,” you said, nodding. You ducked down slightly, using the top of the car to steady the gun like Namjoon had. You wondered if the men weren’t hitting you because they wanted to take you alive.
You shot another man in the throat right as he peeked out from behind a tree. Only one left now.
The last one was hiding, but could see his leg sticking out. You shot at it, the ground exploding around him as he tried to pull his leg in and hide fully, but you fired again and got him right in the knee, and heard him yell out in pain.
You immediately walked for him, ignoring Namjoon calling out for you to stop.
You walked straight for the man on a war path, passing by the bodies laying all over, blood splatter all over the fresh snow. You heard one of the men groaning and saw him trying to pick up his gun, but you shot him again, not even looking his way.
When you reached the man behind the tree, you kicked his gun away, pointing your own in his face.
“You shot Namjoon,” you growled. You didn’t care if he was actually the one who shot Namjoon or not; you felt like you could rip all these men apart with your bare hands for just being involved in hurting Namjoon. “Who are you people? Why are you after us?”
“I’m sorry,” the guy yelled, his hands up, palms toward you. “Please don’t hurt me!”
You rolled your eyes. You had a feeling this guy wouldn’t have cared if your positions were swapped, if you were the one begging him not to hurt you. These men would’ve come and killed Namjoon without remorse and taken you somewhere, not caring about your feelings or Joon’s life.
“Who are you?” you said, and you moved the gun, now pointing at the man’s crotch.
“No! Please,” he cried, now even more panicked. “We were just trying to get the ransom money. My boss said the ambassador would pay big money to get you back. We were never going to hurt you or anything!”
So it was just a kidnapping job for ransom. You wanted to roll your eyes, but felt nothing but rage. All this, just for money. Of fucking course. What else motivated people to hurt strangers like this?
Back by the car, you saw Namjoon standing up, leaning on the back of the car for support. He looked over at you and gave you a thumbs up, telling you he was okay. You let yourself sigh in relief, but focused on the man again.
“If you were just after me for ransom, why did you attack the embassy too?”
“We thought we might be able to get some of her secretaries, maybe an aide or something, so we could increase the ransom,” he said, shaking now. “We hacked into their comms and watched for a couple days after the attack, but we never had a good opportunity. You were always our main target, though. We knew she’d pay the most for you.”
We hacked into their comms. There was no mole in the embassy’s security team like Namjoon had thought. The embassy’s security was just not as secure as they’d always believed.
“This couldn’t have been worth it,” you said, looking around at all the dead bodies. “How much money did you spend, traveling all over trying to find me? All these guns and supplies couldn’t have been cheap, either, plus hacking the embassy and tracking us? My mother’s not worth this much. Ambassadors aren’t paid as well as you think they are.”
“Your mother is worth nearly a billion US dollars. We were going to ransom you for five hundred million,” the guy said, and you almost wanted to laugh. “More if we got anyone else from the embassy.”
“You have the wrong person, I think,” you said, taking a step back, gun still pointed at his crotch. Your mother made about $300k a year, which was more than enough to live comfortably and pay back all your student loans, but not enough to afford a huge multi-million dollar ransom like that. She definitely wasn’t worth almost almost a billion dollars.
You glanced toward Namjoon again; he was holding his stomach, but he was upright, glancing around at all the other men. He was watching to see if anyone suddenly jumped up and came toward you. Your heart swelled; Namjoon was keeping you safe, even now.
“No,” the man said, shaking his head. “She’s a huge trader. She invests in everything. Drones, pharmaceutical companies, stocks, everything. That’s how she bribed her way in and bought her ambassadorship. Now she operates on a much bigger scale, and we’ve been following her work for years. We thought we’d just grab you, get our ransom, and bring you back unharmed.”
You didn’t have the mental energy for this. Your mother secretly being much richer than you thought explained why these men came after you so hard, but you had no way of knowing for sure right now. If this man was telling the truth, your mother had some major explaining to do, but it didn’t justify them hurting Namjoon. Nothing would ever justify that. They were evil, and they’d hurt Namjoon. You would make them pay.
You raised the gun to the man’s head, and he started panicking, backing away from you and crawling across the ground.
“Y/N,” Namjoon called out.
You looked at him, and he shook his head.
“He was going to hurt you,” you said, furrowing your brow. You wanted to punish this man for hurting Namjoon. You wanted to punish all of them.
“You already shot him the leg,” Namjoon said. “Let him face justice instead of ending his life. Besides, he seems like a rat, doesn’t he? He’ll probably rat out the rest of this operation in exchange for a shorter jail sentence. You want the rest of them to face justice too, right?”
Namjoon was right. You definitely wanted all of them to face justice and be punished, not just the ones here. They wouldn’t have sent the whole team to a raid like this. There were probably more hidden away elsewhere, and a guy like this would sell them all out.
“Fine,” you huffed, and the man let out a huge sigh of relief. You kind of wanted to shoot him in his other leg too, but decided against it.
You made the man take off his vest and jacket and empty his pockets, to prove he wasn’t still armed. Once you searched him and were satisfied, you stepped around the tree and started heading back to Namjoon, stopping only to take the man’s gun. You’d kicked it away from him before, but you wanted it in your hands, not on the ground a few meters from him while you walked away.
“That was really hot, you shooting all those guys,” Namjoon said as you approached, smirking down at you. He was still glancing back toward the man every few seconds, but once you were back by his side, he wrapped an arm around you.
You snorted. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said, and you shifted so that his arm was over your shoulder, resting part of his weight on you. You helped him walk over to the house, where you’d call an ambulance and the embassy. You were concerned there were more gunmen secretly hiding somewhere, but Namjoon needed medical attention. It was time to get authorities involved.
You eased him down on the steps of the porch, giving him a gun before running inside and calling for help on the burner phone he’d bought at the store the other day. Namjoon seemed fine and stable, completely alert and not out of his mind from pain, so that was something, at least.
When you came back outside after calling, you sat down beside him, letting out a big sigh.
“You okay?” he said quietly, lightly bumping his elbow against yours.
“I’m fine,” you laughed. “You’re the one who was shot. Twice! I should be the one asking how you’re feeling. Are you in pain? Can I get anything for you?”
“I’m okay,” he said. He still had his hand over the wound on his stomach, while the one on his shoulder seemed to have stopped bleeding. “I mean, it hurts, but I feel like if it hit an organ, I’d be unconscious by now, not able to walk around.”
You hummed, hoping he was right. You looked at him, biting your lip in worry. He was pale but not deathly pale, probably from blood loss. He grimaced in pain whenever he moved too much, but he was holding still now, sitting here with you, upright and alert. You wanted to baby him and kiss him all over his face and take away all his pain, but were scared you’d make it worse or bump into one of his wounds.
“I’m fine, I promise,” he said when he saw you looking over him.
“Good,” was all you could manage to say, but Namjoon didn’t appear to be done with you.
“I’ll ask again,” he said, his tone fake-serious as he leaned in toward you, “Are you okay, baby?”
“Yeah.” You sighed, laughing dryly and looking out at the yard. None of the men were moving anymore besides the one you’d shot in the knee, who was currently sitting where you’d left him, holding his knee and crying. “I feel like it’ll hit me later, the guilt and everything. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, I guess.”
“And I’ll be there to help you cross it,” Namjoon said simply.
You sighed. He was truly the perfect man. You wanted to hug him and never let go, but didn’t want to risk hurting him, so you settled with holding his blood-soaked hand and lacing your fingers with his. His fingers were red and wet and slimy, and you didn’t care. You’d always be willing to hold his hand.
“Thank you, Joonie,” you mumbled. You snorted, thinking of something else then. “My mother is apparently some evil almost-billionaire, by the way. I had no idea. Maybe I’ll ransom myself and give all her money away.”
“I could help you with that,” Namjoon teased, squeezing your hand gently. “I think I mentioned the other day how I wanted to take you somewhere far away, where nobody could find us. I can pretend to be the bad guy coming after you, maybe even tie you up, if you want.”
“Let’s wait until you’re healed before we experiment with that,” you giggled, watching him smirk. “I am totally down to scam my mother, though.”
“As long as I don’t end up in jail for kidnapping, me too,” he said, laughing softly. You could hear the sirens of the ambulance and police cars approaching in the far distance, echoing through the snowy valley.
“I think the possibility of jail might come sooner than we expect, at least for me,” you said, your shoulders sagging. In the moment, you’d wanted all these men to pay for hurting Namjoon, but now you realized you’d technically kinda murdered a bunch of people, and that usually had legal consequences. You were probably fucked up for being more concerned about that than the whole murder thing, but whatever.
“It was self-defense,” he quickly said, letting go of your hand so he could wrap his arm around your shoulder. You heard him grunt in pain at the movement, but he ignored it, focusing on comforting you. “Anyone can see there was obviously a huge gunfight here. A dozen men in tactical gear stormed our house and tried to kidnap you and kill me. We defended ourselves. Plus, if your mother’s actually rich, she won’t let you go to prison. She’ll bribe somebody, and you’ll be fine.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” you groaned. Your mother lying to you about apparently having a side job making hundreds of millions of dollars by investing in things like drones and Big Pharma was something you did not want to think about, ever, unless you were stopping it. Your home country had so much wealth inequality, and she was one of the people making it worse.
The ambulance and police cars pulled up, the medics rushing to you and Namjoon as the police began going around and checking the pulses of the men laying in the snow.
You and Namjoon went together in the ambulance. Only the man you’d shot in the leg was still alive, and he was stable and in police custody, waiting on a second ambulance to show up. You tried not to think about how many people were dead. Guilt would come later, and so would lots and lots of therapy… if you weren’t in prison for murder.
The medics gave Namjoon something for his pain, setting him up on an IV as they cut his sweater away. The bullet wound on his shoulder had missed bone, only skimming the top of his shoulder muscle, but the medics began treating the more serious wound on his abdomen. There was no exit wound, so one medic said he may need surgery to have the bullet removed.
Namjoon didn’t seem to notice the medics rushing around the moving ambulance, instead just holding your hand and smiling at you lazily.
“Love you,” he said, not taking his eyes off you. His voice was deep, contented, maybe from the painkillers kicking in.
“I love you too,” you said, shaking your head and smiling. Even now, he looked at you with so much love, like you were the moon and all the stars in the sky.
“We’ll be okay,” he said, squeezing your hand weakly. You believed him.
– Epilogue, One Year Later –
Namjoon held the door for you as the two of you stepped into your favorite hotel in Vienna. As you passed him, he reached down and took your hand, playing with the engagement ring on your finger as the two of you strode through the opulent lobby.
The two of you had arrived very early in Vienna this morning, just so you could check in with your favorite hotel’s owner, who, for some reason, chose to only work night shifts. You had a feeling he’d be happy to see you, at least. Maybe not Namjoon, but too late now.
Your little vacation had begun in that Polish bed and breakfast near the train tracks, and you and Namjoon hadn’t left the honeymoon suite much, though you did made sure to come down for breakfast a few times. From there, you’d taken a detour to a little town in Poland, where you’d slid a check for five million złoty under a certain family’s front door, along with a note saying just “Sorry about borrowing your car last year” in sloppy Google-translated Polish. Now, you were back in Namjoon’s favorite city in Europe, with big plans to actually see the city this time.
At the check-in desk, Jin looked up, huffing and rolling his eyes when he saw the two of you approaching.
“Hey, hyung,” Namjoon said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the keys to Jin’s car, which now sat outside and still had many, many bullet holes in the side. Namjoon tossed the keys to Jin, who flinched and almost but not quite managed to catch them.
“I thought I told you not to come back to Austria, asshole,” he grumbled, but you didn’t miss the small smile on his face.
“Just returning your car,” Namjoon said innocently, “And taking my fiancée on vacation.”
“Congratulations, unless this is just an act like last time,” Jin said. “Should I hand over my wallet to help you hide from mysterious villains now or later?”
“Not necessary,” you said, smiling up at him. “But we do greatly appreciate how much you helped us last time we were here. You saved our lives.”
“Not much worth saving in his case, but you’re welcome,” Jin said, glancing towards Namjoon, though you saw the way Jin seemed to stand a little taller after your compliment.
You elbowed Namjoon in the side, looking up at him expectantly.
“Thank you so much for helping us last time,” Namjoon said flatly, as if he were reading off a cue card, or being held at gunpoint.
“Of course,” Jin said smugly. “That’s what good friends do. I, after all, am the best friend you or anyone has.”
“Wait ’til he sees his car,” Namjoon muttered, wrapping his arm around your waist. “He’ll go right back to trying to kick me out of the country.”
“Anyways,” you said loudly, hoping Jin hadn’t heard him. “We’d like a room, please. We’ll pay this time, and I think Namjoon mentioned owing you for last time, too.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Jin said, typing away on his computer at the desk. “You’re back again during the off-season, and I’d never make my friends pay to stay here.”
“Again, when he sees his car…” Namjoon started, but you elbowed him in the side again,  cutting him off.
“How’s the executive suite sound?” Jin said, thankfully not hearing him.
“That sounds perfect,” Namjoon said, moving to stand behind you and wrapping his arms around you from behind.
“I’m surprised you’re not putting Joon in a broom closet,” you laughed.
“Only because you two seem to be a package deal,” Jin replied, winking at you. You expected to feel Namjoon growl at him in jealousy, but he didn’t.
Jin personally showed you up to your room, saying he’d have a bottle of champagne sent up later in the day. You were on the top floor, in a room nearly twice as big as the room you’d stayed in last time. A separate sitting room, a full kitchen, two walk-in closets, an extravagant master bedroom, and a bathroom the size of a normal hotel room were all part of Jin’s over-the-top gift to you and Namjoon.
The two of you had a private museum tour scheduled later at what Namjoon insisted was the best art museum in Europe, and maybe for dinner, you could order some fancy room service, or convince Jin to dine out with the two of you if he was awake then. Your mind reeled with possibilities, happy you weren’t confined to the hotel room like the last time you were in this city. You had money, you had the nicest hotel room you could imagine, and you had your Namjoon. You could do anything.
Over the last few months, you’d been essentially blackmailing your mother, though you wouldn’t exactly phrase it that bluntly. Last year, you’d gone home and pretended to settle back into your life, Namjoon recovering by your side, and then you’d gone into your mother’s office a few nights in a row, emailed yourself copies of all her shady practices and the things she’d been investing in, printed everything out and hid away copies, and then threatened to turn her in for tax evasion and expose her for funding things she’d publicly lobbied against as a politician. She cared a lot about her reputation, and tax evasion carried a minimum three year prison sentence in your country – and it only went up, depending on how rich someone was – so she took your threats very seriously. You had backups on backups and had gotten your friends in on it too, so your mother knew if something happened to you, she would get exposed no matter what.
In exchange for your silence, she would have to stop investing in all her evil shit, and you would have access to her bank account indefinitely. You were now slowly giving most of it away, one massive donation at a time, and had taken some out and put it in your own account, just in case she decided to suddenly cut you off at some point. You didn’t turn her in or expose her, and she got to look like a huge philanthropist in the media through your many large donations. She continued investing in some things, but not stuff like drones or oil or Big Pharma. Win-win for everyone.
You and Namjoon had both quit your jobs at the embassy and bought a small cottage in the countryside, with a big garden out back and a huge bed the two of you loved to lay in together for days. You both worked full time on philanthropy, researching charities and fulfilling random GoFundMe’s, and you both felt like you were truly helping people and changing lives. You were happier than you’d ever been. Helping others and spending every day with your Namjoon; you were living your dream life. You’d even adopted a dog together, a fluffy white thing the shelter had named Monie, who Namjoon spoiled rotten and treated like his big baby.
Monie was currently staying with Yoongi, Namjoon’s very alive friend and former partner in a business Namjoon still refused to tell you anything about. He’d given you some big hints over the last few months, though, and simply winked at you whenever you asked if he really was a spy back in the day. He’d eventually said that he’d tell you everything once the two of you were married, which had led into him proposing and the two of you not getting out of bed for three days.
Now, in the opulent master bedroom in the hotel, Namjoon plopped down on the bed, laying back and spreading his arms out. You had a few hours until your museum tour, and you had an idea of what the two of you could do between now and then. You watched him tuck his hands behind his head, the bottom of his shirt rising up enough to show you the scar from when he’d been shot and stitched up last year.
Seeing Namjoon’s scars used to make you go still, a brief stab of sadness filling you. He always insisted he’d been fine and it was just a minor injury, but you knew it’d been more serious than that. And, it reminded you of that day, when he’d almost been taken from you.
You remembered Namjoon joking about it in the hospital, saying most people thought scars were sexy and asking if you thought he was even sexier now, and at the time you’d just rolled your eyes and shook your head.
You’d been in therapy ever since that day, half for your new paranoia over Namjoon being killed, and half over your guilt from what you’d done, killing all those men. You’d looked into each of their lives and found three of them had had children, and you’d anonymously donated a few million dollars to each kid, knowing nothing could replace their parent, but at least they could go to college or do whatever they wanted to do with their life. It didn’t help your guilt, but Namjoon always told you the fact you felt guilty was good. If you felt bad about killing people, even evil ones who meant you harm, it meant you were a good person. It meant you were human.
You hadn’t faced any legal repercussions for that day, with most of the police you’d spoken to about it calling it self-defense and you protecting yourself and Namjoon from a group of highly-armed terrorists. Your attempted abduction hadn’t been their first job, and that actually did help your guilt. Other people had been abducted by them in the past, and you’d ended the cycle. Nobody else had to feel afraid because of them. The whole operation came down with the man you’d let live ratting them all out, just as Namjoon had predicted.
You sighed, pushing those thoughts from your head. You wanted to enjoy your vacation with Namjoon, not think about the past.
You turned around and saw him watching you, biting his lip. He’d been staring at your legs, and when he saw you looking, he raised an eyebrow, smirking to himself. Despite the snow outside, you’d worn a dress today, and you knew Namjoon was very appreciative.
“Like what you see?” you teased, giggling.
“You fucking know it,” he growled.
He was still laying back on the bed, his hands behind his head as he lounged lazily, and he looked so sexy to you right now, you couldn’t stand him. He knew exactly how hot you found him, too, and was probably laying like that just because he knew what it did to you.
He continued, his eyes slowly moving down your body as he spoke, “Keep looking at me like that and we won’t leave this hotel room today.”
“Maybe I didn’t want to see the museum anyway,” you said, sauntering over to him. “Maybe I’d rather sit on your face than walk around a boring museum for hours.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, and don’t insult my museums,” he said. He brought his hands down, reaching for you as you approached him. “And I know you like art museums as much as I do. You’re just trying to rile me up, aren’t you?”
“Depends,” you said, climbing onto the bed and settling on his lap, his hands both falling to your hips. “Is it working?”
He suddenly pinched your ass, making you jump and squeak.
“I am suddenly feeling very thirsty, so maybe,” he said, biting his lip. He pulled on your hips, encouraging you to move forward. You now straddled his stomach, but you played dumb, pretending to not know where he wanted you to end up. You kept your weight off of him though, not wanting to rest on where his wound had been. He was fully healed, but still. You couldn’t.
“Thirsty for what? I can get you a glass of water, or some wine from the mini bar,” you said, batting your eyelashes at him innocently. You rested your hands on his chest, feeling his hard muscles there.
“I want something else,” he purred, pulling on your thighs and trying to bring you up to his face. You knew exactly what he wanted, but you wanted to tease him more. He had you straddling his chest now, and you could feel him breathing steadily.
“Something else? I could call Jin and ask him to send up something, like that champagne he mentioned. Maybe he could hang out with us, too,” you said, and you gasped when Namjoon reached up and grabbed your ass with both hands, squeezing hard.
“Jin is not invited,” he said, pushing your dress up around your waist. He growled when he saw your little black panties, and he reached down to pull them aside, but you stopped him, holding both his hands in yours.
“Joonie,” you hummed, smiling down at him. He quirked an eyebrow at you, looking far sexier than he had any right to look.
You moved back enough so you could lean over and kiss him. You felt him sigh into your mouth, kissing you back as he wrapped his arms around you. You were always happiest like this, making out with Namjoon in bed. Your fears and guilt and all your feelings about the outside world didn’t matter here.
“You know what?” Namjoon murmured against your lips. You could feel him smiling, and you swore his smirk felt mischievous. You could always tell with him, the slight quirk of the corners of his mouth, the way his dimples were deeper than his other smiles. He was up to something.
“What?” you said, kissing him again.
“Let’s go to the museum tomorrow. I have an idea for something I want to do to you for an hour or two, and you’ll be pretty worn out afterwards,” he said, winking up at you.
“Is that so?” you said, resisting the urge to roll your eyes. You knew just how well he kept his promises, but he was such a flirt. He knew how his flirting and winks always made you giggle, and he loved to tease you.
“Yeah. I want to show my beautiful fiancée just how much she means to me, and it’s been too long since one of our special days in bed.”
Your and Namjoon’s ‘special days in bed,’ as the two of you called them, were when you let him eat you out for hours. His oral fixation had only gotten stronger over the past year, and he seemed to have a personal goal of making you either pass out, squirt, or tap out at least once a week. Not that you were complaining, by any means.
“Too long? It’s only been three days, you shameless man,” you snorted.
“That’s what I said; too long.” He squeezed your ass with both hands, biting his lip as he smiled up at you.
You looked at him then, really looked at him and studied his face. His little moles, his dimples, the shape of his full lips, the playful sparkle in his dark brown eyes. Namjoon was the most beautiful thing in the world to you, perfection personified, your soulmate and fiancé and lover and best friend. Your future husband. The love of your life.
“I love you, Joon,” you felt compelled to say then, despite the fact the two of you had just been joking around and flirting.
“I love you too, angel,” he said, and he reached up, tucking a strand of hair back behind your ear.
He was looking at you like you were his whole world, and you knew that you were. He told you constantly, always held you close, regularly wrote you love poems about how much you meant to him. You knew the look in his eyes right now. He was looking at you like he wanted to worship you and prove his love to you.
“Let’s spend all day in bed together,” you said, now wholeheartedly into his idea to skip the museum and all your plans and reservations. “Let’s have one of our special days in bed, and then let’s take a bubble bath together in that ridiculous bathroom. You into that?”
Namjoon grinned, a deep dimple appearing on his left cheek.
“Yes, ma’am.”
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jamaisjoons · 2 months ago
lavender skies I ⤑ knj | m.
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rewrite of the original titled ‘intro: her’
⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦:〝 namjoon comes into your in one of the most unexpected or ways. but even though you are immediately smitten, he comes with some heavy baggage: a failed marriage, three children, and a company left to him by his father. will you able to stay? 〞single dad au. domestic au.
❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: ceo!namjoon x marine veterinarian!reader
❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: angst ∝ fluff ∝ smut
❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 7.8k
⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: nothing but gratuitous amounts of tooth rotting fluff
➵ 𝑎/𝑛: it’s here!!!! the long awaited and much anticipated first chapter of the rewrite. i can’t believe i somehow managed to double the original’s word count 😭but anyway!! i hope you enjoy it!!
⤑ beta read by the wonderful beau, as well as my loves @yeoldontknow, @inkedtae, @opaljm, @nightshadevinter, @tricethecharm​
⏤ Series Masterlist | Next
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It’s a late Saturday evening when you find yourself wandering through the Korean National Aquarium & Museum of Marine Biology’s exhibits. It’s only been two years since you finished your veterinarian degree and thanks to your high grades, you’d somehow managed to land a highly coveted job as the Head Veterinarian’s second in command at the research facility. Something you had been extremely grateful for - and completely awed by. Despite the two years that had passed, however, you still hadn’t gotten over your utter enamourment over the beautiful aquarium that the building inhabited.
Stark, fluorescent light filters through the water, softening to mellow hues of cerulean and azure that reflect across the contours of your face. Ripples of water dance along the floor, following the gentle currents of the glass tunnels that surround you; each wave broken only by the shadow of your footsteps. Silence fills the atmosphere, amplifying the sound of your gentle humming and the soft padding of your bare feet against the linoleum flooring; your high heels swinging in your hands by their straps. As you continue wandering through the large glass tanks, you simply lose yourself in the tranquillity of the atmosphere. That is, until a large shadow looms over you.
Stopping dead in your tracks, you crane your neck upwards, only for your mouth to form a perfect ‘o’ as you watch a black-tipped shark swim past. Languidly, it glides along with the currents: the motions of its caudal fin sparse, and wholly graceful, as it indolently propels itself forward. For a moment, you find yourself awed by the creature’s majesty, simply watching as it coasts by, unaware - or more likely unbothered - by your attention. Drawn by the elegant creature, you’re unsure of how long you stand there. However, your stupor is abruptly shattered by the sound of stifled sobs. 
Confusion mars your countenance as the weeping flitters through the air and features scrunching, you peer down the long tunnel towards where the sound is coming from. On a typical Saturday, both the aquarium and museum would be closed to the public at this time. Nevertheless, today, the Museum Trust had invited all its board directors, donors, and sponsors for a thank you gala - meaning that today, the aquarium wasn’t empty. Though, that still didn’t explain the sound. After all, the aquarium portion of the building had been closed off - the gala being thrown in the large foyer of the museum instead. In fact, the only reason you were here was because your new heels were pinching at your feet, and you needed to get away to take them off for a bit.
Nonetheless, tracking the sound, you navigate through the glass corridors, until the sniffling - followed by the quiet sobs - grows louder. Within moments, you find the source of the crying; your eyes widen at the sight of the child crouched down on the floor. Eyes straining in the low lighting of the darkened aquarium, you take in the sight of the small child. Arms crossed over his knees, and head slightly bent down, his face is hidden from you, but still, you can clearly see the inky mop of his hair. Hands clenching into tiny fists, he rubs at his - you assume - tear-stained eyes and the sight of him causes your heart to clench. Especially when he attempts to stifle his cries, only for another one to break through his throat.
Pity churning within your chest, you slowly approach him. Considering the event currently being held inside the building, you weren’t all that surprised to find a child. After all, some of the patrons had brought their children along to the event. Thankfully, due to children often getting lost in the building, the entire staffing body had previous training in how to handle the situation. As you grow closer towards him, the patter of your feet against the ground grows louder, and noticing the unfamiliar noise in the quiet, the small child immediately stops crying; his head snapping up.
Immediately, his posture stiffens - his shoulders noticeably growing rigid. Closing the gap between the two of you, you furtively take in the child. Despite the dimly lit aquarium, you can see the unshed tears that glaze his eyes, as well as the slight puffiness to them. Hesitancy clouds his dark irises, his wide, doe-like eyes seemingly like a deer caught in headlights, and the evident sight of his fear has another inkling of anguish gnawing at your heart. A small smile curls at the corners of your lips, and cautiously bending down - unbothered by the velvet hem of your evening gown pooling on the ground - you lower yourself till you’re eye level with him.
“Hello! Are you lost?” you question, your head tilting slightly to the side, whilst keeping your voice soft so as not to terrify the distressed boy any further.
“Daddy says not talk to strangers,” the boy mumbles, curling further into himself. His words have you resisting the urge to laugh. It was a classic response - one most children tended to answer with.
Smile broadening, “Your daddy is smart then. But, you see, I’m not just any stranger. I work here! I’m a veterinarian,” you introduce. Your words have his eyebrows scrunching, the corners of his nose crinkling in turmoil.
“Vetinarin?” he repeats, unable to properly pronounce ‘veterinarian’. The slight pout to his voice has your face softening and squashing down the urge to audibly coo at him, you nod your head.
“Veterinarian,” you enunciate correctly, “It means I’m a doctor for the animals and fish that live here. Pretty cool right?” you grin. He nods sceptically but doesn’t say anything else. So, in an effort to coax him out of his shell, you continue, “My name is ____. What’s yours?” Once again, the boy looks at you nervously, and uncertainty flickering in his eyes once again, you watch him grow thoughtful, and if you didn’t know better, you could swear you hear the cogs in his brain grinding. It only takes him a couple of moments of thought before he relaxes slightly, the tension in his shoulder dissipating as they ease.
“I’m Jungkook,” he introduces, his voice so low that even in the quiet that enshrouds you your ears strain to hear him. An encouraging smile graces your mouth.
“Jungkook? That’s a cute name! It’s nice to meet you,” you reply enthusiastically, while somehow still keeping your voice calm - so as not to suddenly startle the already frightened boy. “What are you doing here all by yourself?” you gently ask, your brows slightly furrowing.
“... I’m lost,” he responds after a brief pause. Curling further into himself, “My brothers playing hide and seek but they didn’t find me,” he whispers with a sniffle. Face crumpling at the melancholic distress in his voice, you feel your heart break for the small boy for a second time that night.
Drawing to your full height, you smooth out the creases in the skirt of your evening dress before extending your arm out toward him, “Oh no. Do you want me to take you back?” Jungkook hesitates for a fleeting second before tentatively reaching out his hand. Your much larger fist encases his smaller one and, wrapping your fingers around the soft back of his palm, you gently tug so he’s standing up. Smiling down at him, “How about we go find your brothers, hmm?” you suggest.
Jungkook nods in answer, and with his response, you slowly begin your walk back towards the main foyer of the museum. Although, you have to remind yourself to slow down your natural pace so that Jungkook’s little legs could keep up with you. As you both indolently stroll through the maze-like aquarium tunnels, you glance down at the boy. His face is a clear picture of awe, his eyes flicking across the glass as he takes in the various animals swimming by.
“So, how old are your brothers?” you question, your voice breaking the silence that cloaked the atmosphere.
Almost as if suddenly realising your presence, Jungkook startles. Turning his attention back towards you, the small child blinks owlishly before his shoulders huddle; his fingers tensing in your hold. His reaction has you suppressing the urge to giggle. From your short meeting, you’ve already picked up a few things about him. It’s obvious that the boy is shy beyond belief: his eyes guarded and wary despite the way he clings to your side. Moreover, with the way he’s dressed - a Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo and expensive-looking leather loafers - you know that he’s probably the child of one of the wealthier donors, and or sponsors, of the aquarium and museum.
“Five,” Jungkook finally responds, snapping you out of your musings. This time, you blink owlishly. It takes a few moments for your brain to kick into gear, and once it does, you discern what he means.
“Five! Wow, they’re so big! And how old are you?” you enquire, even though Jungkook’s attention is once again on the fish that swim behind the reinforced glass.
“I’m three,” Jungkook answers. However, before you can say anything, “Look! Stingray,” he bursts out, pointing at the manta ray that glides past. You chuckle at his outcry before stopping.
“That’s actually a manta ray,” you gently correct him. Turning towards the glass, where the ray is languorously gliding by, “Manta rays live in the open ocean just like that one. But stingrays live closer to the seabed,” you continue in explanation. “They are related though; from the same family. Did you know rays and sharks are also related?” you question. With wide eyes, Jungkook raptly listened to you - soaking up the knowledge. That is, until your final question, when his eyes squint in disbelief.
Pulling a face, “Sharks and rays related?” he repeats, as if he couldn’t possibly fathom the thought. “You’re lying! They don’t look like each other,” he cries in indignation. His child-like scepticism has you exhaling in amusement. Silent laughter colouring your features, you pull your lower lip between your teeth.
“I’m not lying,” you playfully argue, “They really are! Both of their skeletons are made of cartilage instead of bone… Just like what your ear is made of,” you inform while flicking his ear teasingly. Despite your actions, Jungkook narrows his eyes, his apprehensive gaze taking you in. Though, it only lasts a few moments, before he relents and turns his attention back to the exhibit.
You let Jungkook bask in the balletic grace of the manta ray for a little longer before once again guiding him through the tunnels of the aquarium and towards the exit. The entire time, you continue pointing out random sea animals to the toddler, educating Jungkook on small facts that his child-like mind could understand; the young child practically spellbound by your words as he ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’. Simultaneously, while also navigating back to the museum’s foyer, you keep a sharp eye for any little boys running around looking for their younger brother. However, you have no such luck. Just as you begin approaching the way out, Jungkook stops you by tugging on your hand.
“Hey! Do you have crabs here?” he enthusiastically asks.
Giggling, you shake your head.
“We don’t, sorry little man,” you answer. Then, remembering the crab exhibit in the museum portion of the building, “At least not here,” you laugh sheepishly. When his face contorts into the most dejected-looking puppy dog expression you’ve ever seen, you feel a small part of you die inside, and briefly, you wonder if you could run to the nearest beach to find some for him.
“Aw… but daddy loves crabs,” Jungkook pouts, disheartened.
Suddenly, an idea pops into your head, “Well, maybe we can check the gift shop? I’m sure I saw some crab toys there. Would that be okay?” you propose. Eyes blowing wide, Jungkook snaps his head towards you before nodding enthusiastically.
“Yes! Let’s go,” he cheers, his hand tugging at yours - with what seems to be all the strength in his body - as he tries to drag you towards the gift shop. With a laugh, you allow him to pull you towards the exit; though, concurrently making sure that he is pulling you in the correct direction.
It takes you twenty-five minutes to get to your destination. Usually, the walk would only take you a fraction of the time, but with Jungkook’s tot-like curiosity getting the better of him - paired with his small legs - you’re both often waylaid by the boy stopping to look at the various different exhibits. At some point, Jungkook stops to press his face against the glass - his nose a mere sliver away from the surface - and his free palm flat across it as a pufferfish approaches. You watch - mirth written across your face - as Jungkook tries to grab the fish’s attention, only for your amusement to morph into raw, unbridled glee as the fish puffs up. Instantly, Jungkook jumps to the side, almost tripping over his legs. In fact, the only reason he doesn’t fall over is thanks to your steady grip on his hand.
“Bad puffy fish,” Jungkook mumbles under his breath, his plump cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
Squashing down the peal of laughter that bubbles up at the back of your throat, you sagely nod at him, indulging in his wallowing about the ‘puffy fish’. Then, tightening his grip on your hand, the three-year-old practically storms off once again. Once again, the two of you carry on your stroll through the aquarium, and once you get towards the exit, you let out a little sigh. Halting for a moment, Jungkook looks at you in curiosity and you smile at him reassuringly before bending down to slip your heels back on.
“What you doing?” Jungkook asks, his head tilting to the side as he watches you buckle the strap of your right heel.
“I’m putting my shoes on,” comes your laconic response.
“Why you take off?” he prods.
“Because they were hurting my feet,” you explain, your face wincing when you feel the sharp sting at the bottom of your toes once more. Eyebrows creasing, Jungkook looks at you in befuddlement.
“Then why put back on?” he asks, his head tilting even further to the side. Giggling at his question, you smile at him gently.
“Well, because I work here, and we’re at a fancy party. It wouldn’t be appropriate,” you answer.
“Why?” he persists. Amused breath exhaling through your nose, you shrug your shoulders.
“I don’t know. Why do you think?” you respond, passing the question back to him as you move to put your other shoe on. Jungkook ponders your question for a moment, his nose crinkled in thought. A few moments later, once you’re finished strapping your heel, his face lights up.
“Cause… Cause then your- Cause then your daddy will be mad and… and won’t give you have dessert for- because you were bad?” he gasps in shock, repeating his words over again in the way most children do when they’re trying to form a coherent thought. Unable to stop yourself, you let out a short giggle.
“Sure, buddy. Something like that,” you agree, omitting the fact that it would be your boss who was mad rather than your father. A look of pride crosses Jungkooks face as he nods. Clearly, the three-year-old was happy with his own conclusion. “Come on, let’s get going,” you say whilst extending your hand out to him. However, rather than taking your hand, Jungkook looks at you with a slight pout.
“But I’m tired. My legs hurt,” he whines.
Visage softening at his words, you bend down and pick him up into your arms. You expect Jungkook to fight you a bit, after all, despite the time you’ve spent together, you’re still a stranger to him. Nonetheless, contrary to your expectations, Jungkook easily lets you lift him into your arms; even going as far as wrapping his arms around your neck and snuggling his head into the crook of your shoulder. Something which - for the umpteenth time - has you resisting the urge to coo at him.
Once he’s safely nestled in your arms, you begin walking once again, and thanks to your - much longer - legs, it only takes you a few more minutes to get to the gift shop. Stepping into the colourful store, your attention is immediately honed onto the opposite end of the room. Wooden shelves, divided into large squares and rectangles, make their home against the wall, each caddy filled with various plush toys of a range of sea animals. Shifting Jungkook into a more comfortable position, you wander up to the wall and scour the different toy-stuffed grooves - looking for anything that looks like a crab.
To your disappointment, you don’t find anything that resembles a crab. Although, before your displeasure can settle into your bones, you spot something out the corner of your eyes - in one of the wired barrels just to the left of you. Face lighting up with joy, you spot an orange crab plush. Swiftly, you make your way towards the container, and after rifling through it, you pull your hand out with a victorious ‘aha’. Then, you angle your head to look down at the young boy in your arms.
“Look! A crab!” you exclaim cheerily. Immediately, Jungkook shifts in your arms, and pulling his head from the crook of your shoulder, he reaches out for the toy with one of his chubby hands.
“A crab! Daddy loves crabs,” Jungkook grins, repeating his earlier sentiments.
“Mhm. Do you want to get it?” you ask. Eyes widening, Jungkook fixates his doe-eyed on you.
“Can I?” he asks shyly, his gaze flicking longingly to the plush in his hand. Laughing, you nod at him.
“Of course. Come on,” you smile while walking towards the cashier.
Thankfully, with the gala, the museum had kept its gift shop open - merely so that they could, hopefully, sucker some parents into buying something or another for their children. Though, in your case, it somehow seemed to have worked out for them. Putting Jungkook back on the ground so that you can pay, you hand the toy over to the store clerk. However, before he can ring it up, you feel Jungkook tug at the skirt of your dress. Angling your head down to him, you quirk your eyebrow.
“Can…” he begins before biting his tongue. Eyes downcast, he shuffles from foot to foot, before grinding the base of his toes into the ground in a circular motion. 
Apprehensiveness wafts off of him in thick droves, and easily sensing his shyness, you place the crab plush onto the counter and turn to him. Crouching down to his eye level, you smile at him reassuringly.
“What is it?” you coax gently.
“Can get something for brothers too?” he mutters, his gaze locking onto yours through the thick of his lashes.
You blink slowly at the unexpected question, and after deliberating on it for a few fleeting seconds, you finally relent with a nod. After all, the profit from the gift shop went towards the museum and aquarium anyway. Though, you only hope that whoever the boys’ parents are don’t find it weird that you’d bought toys for children you barely know.
“Sure, bud,” you agree, “What do you think they’d like?”
At your agreeance, Jungkook’s umber eyes light up with delight. Small fist still gripping at your skirt, his free hand points to the small display on the counter; specifically at the small loggerhead turtle soft toys. “They both like teen turtles,” he says proudly. You nod your head at him, and grabbing two of the toys, you hand them to the cashier.
As the clerk rings you up, you rummage through your beaded clutch, and pulling out your employee ID, you flash it at him. His eyes briefly scan across the plastic card before he nods in satisfaction and applies the discount to your purchase. Handing the won for the item, you complete the transaction and grab the small bag of toys from the employee. Then, with a brief thank you, you hand Jungkook the items before taking him into your arms once again. Jungkook clutches the paper packet tightly, only to take the crab out once the two of you have left the store.
Peering at the small boy, “Are you going to name it?” you enquire curiously. Awed gaze shifting to you, Jungkook shakes his head.
“It’s for daddy,” he replies. Eyebrows furrowing slightly, you cock your head to the side.
“And the turtles are for your brothers?” you reaffirm, causing Jungkook to simply nod his head. “Then what about you?” you prompt. For a second, Jungkook simply blinks before shrugging.
“It’s okay,” he says cheerily. Once again, and probably not for the last time, your heart grips at the adorable little boy. You have to wonder just what his parents had to be like, especially for the boy to turn out so kind and thoughtful. However, despite his altruism, you find yourself placing the boy back onto the ground once again, causing him to look at you in confusion.
“Will you be a good boy and wait right here for me?” you ask.
“Where you going?” he questions, his small palm fisting your dress once again as he looks up at you with large eyes.
“I forgot something in the shop. But I’ll be back really quick, okay?” you reply. Jungkook looks unsure at your words, but nods nonetheless; moving to stand at the side of the gift shop’s entrance. Swiftly, you walk back into the store, only to return a few short minutes with another bag. Immediately, Jungkook’s eyes drop to the paper pouch, and smiling at him brightly, you hand it to him.
“What’s this?” he asks.
“It’s for you,” you reply. Jungkook’s looks at the bag, his face a picture of inquisitiveness. Taking it from you, he slips his small hand into it before pulling out a medium-sized manta ray plush.
“For me?” he gasps.
“Yes, for you,” you reassure. Carefully, Jungkook strokes at the soft texture of the toy, before looking at you with his large, chocolate eyes.
“Thank you,” he whispers before turning his gaze back to the toy. With his attention preoccupied, you once again pick him up; the little boy easily finding a comfortable position in your embrace.
With all the purchases in Jungkook’s arms, you begin your journey back to the museum foyer once again. The harsh clacking of your heels echoes across the barren hallway, the high ceilings and tall arches emphasising the sound. Eventually, however, the two of you enter the hallway that leads to the main entrance, as well as the museum foyer, only for Jungkook to shift in your arms. Startled by his sudden movement, you turn your attention at him, only to see him pointing at two young boys.
“Chimmie! Hyungie!” he calls out. Quirking your eyebrows, you watch as the two boys sit on one of the benches, their faces downcast and their lips pulled into a pout.
“Are those your brothers?” you ask, causing Jungkook to nod frantically. When he begins struggling in your arms once again, you put him down on the floor, only to watch him run off - as quick as his little legs can carry him - towards the two boys.
“Chimmie! Hyungie!” Jungkook squeals for a second time, and this time, hearing his call, the two boys immediately snap their heads around. Eyes lighting up, they hop off the bench, and after running to the smaller boy, they pull him into a hug.
As you watch them reunite, your gaze coasts over the entrance hall, only for your features to twist into a frown. Contrary to your expectations, there’s no adult near them, other than one of the museum’s security guards. Though, you do note that he has his eyes firmly fixated on the boys. Perhaps their parents - or even guardian - had left them in the care of the employee while they went off to look for Jungkook.
“Gukkie! There you are,” one of the boys yells.
“Gukkie, where did you go?” the other asks, a slight whine to his tone.
“I got lost playing hide seek,” Jungkook pouts. Then, lips twisting into a bright smile he turns around and points toward you as you come up behind them. “But Noona found me and brought me here,” he grins. At his introduction, you smile down at the two boys. One of them smiles shyly with a wave, the other approaching you confidently with a beaming smile.
“Hi! I’m Taehyung! Thank you for looking after Gukkie,” the boy introduces himself with a bow, his lips pulled into a boxy smile. Similar to Jungkook, Taehyung is also dressed in a designer suit - Gucci this time - only reaffirming your assumption that their parents are one of the many donors of the aquarium and museum. Dissimilar to Jungkook, however, Taehyung is a lot more open and outgoing; the little boy already grinning as he hugs your leg.
From behind Taehyung, “I’m J-Jimin,” the last of the boys introduces, a tentative smile on his face as he waves at you. “Thank you for looking after Gukkie,” he continues, reiterating his brother’s sentiment. When Jungkook had mentioned his brothers were five, you hadn’t thought much of it. However, now, as you look at them both, you finally realise that they’re twins. Though, they’re definitely not identical.
“Oh, of course! It wasn’t any problem. But where’s your father?” you question.
“Daddy went looking for Gukkie with Uncle Jin. He told us to stay here and wait for him.” This time, it’s Jimin who responds, his voice somewhat high-pitched and whiny. A wave of relief washes through you at his words and nodding in relief, you let out a sigh.
“Oh. Okay, that’s good. Do you know when they’ll be back?” you ask, only for both twins to shake their heads.
A frown of thought mars your face at their response. Technically, you’d found Jungkook’s guardian and you could probably leave now - especially since the security guard had a firm set of eyes on the children. Yet, in spite of that, you can’t seem to bring yourself to leave. Perhaps it was because the children were unsure of when their father and uncle would be back, and you felt uneasy leaving them alone; even with the guard watching them carefully. Maybe it was because since finding Jungkook you felt like you had a sense of responsibility to make sure he was reunited with his father. Or perhaps… just maybe, it’s because in the short time you’d known the toddler, he’d somehow wormed his way into your heart and you didn’t want to part ways with him just yet. Nonetheless, before you can make up your mind, you’re dragged out of your musing by two tugs on the skirt of your dress.
“Are these for us?” Taehyung asks, his pudgy hands holding up the turtle toy Jungkook had picked out for them.
It wasn’t a large plush by any means. In fact, it was fairly small; just something displayed on the counter as a means to rope children into begging their parents for it. However, nestled in Taehyung’s small palms, the toy looks much bigger. Though, most things would look big in his tiny hands, you figure. Genial smile tugging at the corners of your lips, you nod your head and take a seat at the bench you’d found them on.
“Yeah, it is. Your brother picked it out for you. Do you like it?” you ask, causing both of them to nod at you eagerly.
“Cool! Just like Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles,” Taehyung cheers; Jimin simply thanks you with a shy smile.
“What are you gonna call them?” you ask.
“Mikey!” Taehyung calls out.
“Leo,” Jimin chimes in.
“Wow! Those are some nice names. Just like the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles,” you gasp, as if it were the most interesting thing known to man. Though, of course, neither of the boys catches your exaggerated tone.
“Yeah!” The twins cheer. Nodding at them with a smile, you turn back to Jungkook, who in the time you’d spend talking to the twins, had crawled up onto the bench and nestled himself into your side.
“And what about you? What did you name your manta ray?” you ask.
“Mantine!” Jungkook grins. Taken aback by the name, you cock your head to the side.
“Like the Pokemon?” you question, causing Jungkook to nod enthusiastically.
“I like Pokemon,” he happily claims, his small feet swinging as they hang over the edge of the bench.
“Daddy also likes Pokemon,” Jimin says, his hand mindlessly stroking his own turtle’s head.
“His favourite is Dragonite. We watch it on Saturdays when daddy is home,” Taehyung adds with a toothy grin. You haven’t met their father yet, and yet, you can already tell that the boys adore him. Just as you’re about to open your mouth to respond, however, you’re cut off by a sudden call.
“Jungkook! There you are,” a deep voice booms, the sound echoing across the empty hall. Whipping your head to the side, your eyes widen as you take in the frazzled man running up to the two of you.
Not wasting a moment, Jungkook hops off of the bench and runs towards - who you assume to be - his father. Instantly, as if the gesture were second nature, the man is bending over and opening his arms wide, allowing Jungkook to run into them. The moment his son is in his embrace, the man pulls the toddler into his chest and drops a kiss onto the boy’s head. You don’t know the man. Yet, you’d have to be an idiot, or incredibly oblivious, to miss the thick waves of worried panic that exude off of the man; not to mention the sheer relief that paints across his chiselled features.
Once he’s checked over his son, and after he’s made sure Jungkook is unharmed, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you,” he reprimands, his tone gentle yet firm.
Ignoring his father’s concern, Jungkook thrusts the crab plush into the older man’s face instead, “Daddy, look what got you.”
“Kook... I appreciate the gesture but you know it’s not nice to take things that don’t belong to you. Put it back where you found it,” the older man says with a soft, but stern voice. However, instead of doing as his father says, Jungkook stomps his foot, his lower lip jutting out in a pout.
“I no take it! Noona bought for you,” Jungkook argues, and despite the aggravated tenor to his voice, you can’t help but internally coo.
Jungkook’s father gawks at his son in surprise, and just from his facial expression, you can tell he’s bewildered by Jungkook’s behaviour. His astonishment is fleeting, however, because looking up, he fixes his stare onto you - as if noticing your presence for the first time since he’d arrived. Briefly, his gaze skims over you, his eyes raking over your figure from head to toe. Under his scrutiny, you find your body tensing, the surface of your skin flashing with heat as butterflies erupt from the bottom-most depths of your abdomen. When his gaze reaches your legs, you see him quirk an eyebrow at the way the twin boys are clutching at your dress.
While he takes you in, you take the opportunity to do the same. The first thing you notice is his height. Or perhaps, more than his height, the first thing you notice is his sheer size. He towers an entire head taller than you - even with your heels boosting your own height - and paired with the corded muscles that bulge through the greyed-blue tweed of his blazer, you could swear he was some sort of giant. Moreover, his defined stature is further emphasised by his three-piece suit: the buttoned-up vest clinging to his torso, the jacket hangs off of his broad shoulders before clinging to his biceps, and the trouser legs emphasising the length of his long legs and thick thighs.
Lutescent ivory light gleams down from high ceilings, the saffron rays reflecting off of his luscious bronze skin and encasing him in a gilded halo; the deep gold hues highlighting the deeper undertones of his complexion. Silk-like lavender locks are partially slicked back, a few strands falling onto his forehead, the tips kissing the strong arches of his left eyebrow. Burnet eyes stare at you through hooded eyes, the heavy, deep-set crease at the inner corners highlighting their sharpness: both literal, and metaphorical. Rounded cheeks and a soft sloping nose are juxtaposed by the elegant slant of his cheeks as well as the sharp definition of his jaw. He’s stood casually, and yet, despite the nonchalance of his demeanour he radiates an air of power.
All in all, you think that he is, perhaps, the most handsome man you’ve ever had the pleasure of laying your eyes upon.
His gaze snaps back to your face. Instantly, your eyes connect, and lightning sears through your veins. For a fleeting moment, you find yourself sinking into the umber pools, their inky darkness swallowing you whole. Before you can fully lose yourself into the turbulent depths, however, you manage to pull yourself together. Sucking in a sharp breath, and ignoring the heat that flushes to your cheeks, you force a shaky smile onto your face before awkwardly waving at him. 
“Noona?” he mutters. Oblivious to the tension between the two of you, Jungkook drags his father towards you.
“Yeah! Noona! She’s a sea doctor! She helped me,” Jungkook introduces. At the excitement in his son’s voice, the older man’s face softens.
“Hey, it seems you found Jungkook while he was lost. Thanks for taking care of him,” the man greets appreciatively. Eyes widening slightly, you quickly raise your hands before shaking your head.
“Oh! Oh my gosh, no it’s okay. I was just in the right place at the right time. You don’t need to thank me,” you furiously wave him off. Then, after a short pause, “Besides, I work here and all staff are trained to handle situations like this,” you find yourself explaining.
“Still. I completely panicked when Jimin and Taehyung said they couldn’t find him,” Namjoon mutters, then releasing a long sigh, he runs his hands through his hair. “Really, thank you so much,” he repeats.
“Ah. You’re welcome,” you sheepishly respond, unsure of how to respond to his gratitude. Suddenly, realising that you hadn’t properly introduced yourself, “Oh! I’m ____, by the way,” you blurt.
“Kim Namjoon. A pleasure to meet you,” he greets, a lazy smile curling at the corners of his lips. It’s a subtle gesture, and yet, you can’t help but notice how attractive he looks when he smiles.
“You too,” you smile back, cringing internally when you find yourself tucking a stray lock behind your ear. You don’t know what it is about the man, but something about him has you acting like a teenage girl. Perhaps it was how handsome he was. No, scratch that. It’s definitely how handsome he is. Really, was it humanly possible for someone to be that handsome? A father no less? Surely that had to be illegal. Somewhere.
While you’re caught in your internal musings, “Where is Uncle Jin?” Namjoon asks, directing the question to his twins.
“I don’t know. He said he was gonna help you,” Taehyung shrugs. Taken aback by his son’s answer, Namjoon frowns.
“He left you both alone?” he questions, bewilderment dripping from his voice.
“Do my ears deceive me? Are my favourite nephews badmouthing me?” a newcomer calls out, and though you only hear his voice, you can clearly make out the mock dismay in his voice. The five of you turn your head, only for your eyes to blow wide open when you spot Kim Seokjin, one of the Korean National Aquarium & Museum of Marine Biology’s most prominent board members walk up to you. Technically, this guy was your boss. Not really, but he certainly had some sort of sway over the board.
“You left them alone?” Namjoon questions as he cocks an unamused eyebrow.
“I’ll have you know that I actually left them in the care of Mr. Seong, one of our lovely security guards,” Seokjin defends himself, causing Namjoon to snort in disbelief.
“For what reason?” he snaps.
“So that I could find the security team and see if they could check the cameras. However, by the time I got there, Miss ____ had already brought them back here,” he explains. Namjoon’s eyes narrow suspiciously, almost as if he didn’t truly believe Seokjin. Nonetheless, before he can open his mouth to argue, he’s cut off by twin tugs at the fabric of his trousers.
“Daddy! Look at what Noona got us!” Taehyung says, thrusting out his new stuffed toy in his father’s face; Jimin copying his actions. For the umpteenth time that night, surprise colours Namjoon’s features, and once more, he turns to you.
A timid smile forms on your own features, and you quickly move to explain yourself, “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t overstep or anything. Jungkook wanted to see some crabs, but we don’t have any in the aquarium. So I suggested the gift shop, and well…” you trail off, mentally kicking yourself for the impulsive decision.
“You bought my sons - and me - some stuffed toys?” Namjoon finishes. The corners of his lips twitch, and something unknown flashes through his chestnut eyes. Something almost akin to amusement. Still, you nod your head sheepishly.
“All profits go to the aquarium and the museum, so technically, it was for a good cause,” you weakly argue. At your words, a large smile breaks out onto Namjoon’s face, and you find yourself awestricken when his cheeks indent on either side, a pair of prominent dimples making themselves known. Well, that was simply unfair. A wonderful father (or so you assume from what you’ve seen so far). Devilish good looks. And now dimples? Surely, it was impossible for this man to exist. Whoever this man’s partner is, is one lucky person.
“Thank you. You really didn’t have to do that. I can even pay you back if you want,” Namjoon suggests, already moving to pull his wallet out.
“Oh, no! It’s okay, really. Consider it a gift. Your sons are really sweet. I enjoyed spending time with them,” you smile, causing Namjoon to return his own genial grin.
As the two of you look at each other, Seokjin looks between the two of you, and cocking his eyebrow, “So what’s going on here then?” he questions, and though his words are innocent, neither of you miss the suggestion laced in his tone. Immediately, both your gazes snap towards him; your cheeks heating up while Namjoon rolls his eyes.
“What is your problem?” he mutters, causing Seokjin to let out a deep-bellied laugh. Throwing his arm over Namjoon’s shoulder, Seokjin pokes him in the side.
“I’m just looking out for my younger cousin. You’ve only just gotten back to Korea, and it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date, you know,” Seokjin teases. His words have you spluttering in shock, Namjoon elbowing the older man before shrugging off his arm.
“Would you be quiet?” Namjoon hisses. Then, turning around to you, “I have to apologise for my cousin’s behaviour,” he excuses with a bow.
“Ah, it was just a joke, I’m sure,” you reply, laughing nervously. Though, despite your words, you find yourself pondering on Seokjin’s words. If he was talking about dating, did that mean that Namjoon was single? And where did his wife go? Or whoever his partner was.
As you lose yourself in your musing, a heavy silence falls between the three of you - the children, having gotten bored of the conversation, moved to play with their new toys between themselves. Seokjin looks at the two of you, an expression of glee clearly plastered onto his face as he looks between you and Namjoon. Meanwhile, the two of you stand quietly, your eyes meeting awkwardly every now and then, only for you to break the stare and look away.
“Alright, it was nice meeting you. But I think it’s time we head home,” Namjoon finally says, breaking the silence.
His words have your stomach dropping in disappointment. Only for you to quickly shake the feeling off. You’d only just met the man, there was no reason to feel disappointment at the thought of him leaving. Though, you can’t deny that you’d miss his sons. You’d only spent a small amount of time with them and yet, their adorableness had immediately captured your heart. Of course, there was even a small part of you that would miss their - handsome - father. But, you’d never admit that. At least, not out loud.
“Aww, do we have to?” Jimin protests, his lower lip jutting out as he hears his father’s words. Meanwhile, Jungkook scurries back towards you, his hand fisting at your dress.
“Have to go, daddy?” Jungkook imitates his brother’s sentiment, directing his puppy-dog eyes at his father.
“Yeah, Kook. I’m sorry, but it’s late. And already past all your bedtimes,” Namjoon replies gently. His words only have Taehyung’s nose scrunching in displeasure.
“I’m not tired!” he protests.
“Me too,” Jimin chimes in. At his sons’ objections, Namjoon simply sighs.
“Maybe not now. But you’ll soon be tired,” Namjoon replies, a knowing tone lacing his voice. Then, squaring his shoulders, “Besides, don’t you want daddy to read you a bedtime story?” he questions. It’s a bribe. You know it. Seokjin knows it. And Namjoon knows it. Yet, it seems to work like a charm. Because, immediately, the twins are cheering.
“Let’s go home!” Taehyung happily cries.
“Goldlocks! I want Goldlocks!” Jimin squeals, bouncing up and down.
“Goldilocks,” Namjoon gently corrects. “But yes, daddy will read you Goldilocks for a bedtime story,” he promises. Then, after a brief pause, “But only if we leave now,” he continues. Sold by the idea, Jimin and Taehyung nod without another protest. However, Jungkook still stands beside you, unconvinced.
“Noona come with us?” he questions as he looks at his father with large, doe-like eyes. His words have you freezing, Namjoon’s own eyes blowing open in shock, while Seokjin tries - and fails - to resist the urge to laugh.
“I’m sorry Kook, but ____ can’t come with us. She has her own home to go to,” Namjoon explains as you awkwardly stand there. Because really, what could you say to that.
“Awwww. Please?” Jungkook pleads, and for a moment, a look of conflict crosses Namjoon’s visage. You have a feeling that it’s not often that Namjoon finds himself saying ‘no’ to his sons. Finally pulling yourself together, you smile kindly at Namjoon before crouching down to Jungkook’s eye level.
“Noona can’t come home with you, sorry bud,” you reaffirm, your heart breaking at the way Jungkook’s eyes start glistening with tears. However, before he can start crying, “But, you can always come and visit me. I work here Monday to Friday, 9 am to 6 pm,” you suggest. You mean it as a way to placate the young boy, though, from the way he sniffles, it only barely seems to work.
“Then can Noona come to our party, daddy?” Taehyung questions, your eyes widening slightly at the unexpected suggestion.
“Well… that’s up to her,” Namjoon hesitantly says, his gaze flicking towards you from the corner of his eyes. “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” he finally suggests. Without a moment's hesitation, Taehyung bounces over to you and places his pudgy hands on your knees.
“Noona! Come to our birthday party! Me and Jiminie are turning 5!” Taehyung enthusiastically invites, not a single sliver of hesitation in his words. “Say you’ll come! Please. Please, please, please,” he begs while jumping up and down. Unlike Taehyung, you find yourself hesitating, unsure what to say. You briefly look at Namjoon for help, only to be met with a carefully blank expression. Turning to Seokjin doesn’t help either. In fact, seeing his victorious grin only has you scowling internally. Thus, you turn back to Taehyung, only to be met with a set of puppy-dog eyes. Instantly, you find yourself melting into them, and before you know it, you relent with a nod.
“Of course, I will. Just let me know the details,” you reply. Your answer causes Taehyung and Jungkook to cheer, Jimin smiling at you shyly from his position beside Namjoon’s leg. Meanwhile, you wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into. After all, you’ve only just met this family, and yet, you’ve already found yourself invited to the twins’ fifth birthday party.
“Here, give me your phone number and I’ll text you the details,” Namjoon offers, stepping closer to you as he hands you his phone with a smile. You ignore the slight flutter of your heart at the deep wells in his cheeks, and instead, reach out to take the device from him. Unhesitatingly, you input and save your number into his phone before handing it back to him.
“Cool, I’ll text you once I’m home and have put them to bed,” Namjoon grins. Then, turning to his sons, “Come on. Let’s go home,” he beckons. 
Taehyung and Jungkook immediately run to their father, the former walking up to his uncle and motioning for the older man to pick him up. Seokjin does so without question, the five-year-old wrapping his arm around the man’s neck as he finds a comfortable position in his embrace. Meanwhile, Namjoon takes Jungkook into his arms, and supporting him with one of them, he takes Jimin’s hand in his free one.
“Say bye to Noona,” Namjoon prompts, and right away, you’re met with a chorus of ‘byes’ as the three children wave at you.
You return their waves, and once they’re out of sight, you find a small smile curling onto your lips. The last thing you had intended to do when you’d attended your work-hosted gala was for you to meet a handsome single dad and his three - incredibly adorable - sons. Yet, life seems to have thrown them into your life. Or well, you into theirs. Either way, you have no idea what really happened the past hour or so. After all, it somehow seemed to have passed in a blur. Nonetheless, as you think of attending the twin’s birthday party, and seeing the children again, you can’t help the excitement that bubbles up within your chest.
Of course, that excitement also includes their father.
Perhaps life was about to get infinitely more interesting.
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a/n: ahhhhhhh and that’s it for now!! im not sure when the next chapter will come out but hopefully sooner than later!! also i know there are a LOT of changes, more than i anticipated, but im definitely feeling much better about this rewrite hehe! also!!!! for those missing yoongi and hoseok... don’t worry, they’ll definitely be making an appearance in the next chapter!! anyway, for now, i will see you later!!! also please don’t forget to reblog and leave some feedback hehe 💖
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taesinferno · 4 months ago
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summary: seven of the highest executives at BigHit Industries take a company business trip. Who knows what they'll get up to, or who they'll meet there.
rate: 18+
pairing: ot7 × reader
warnings: age gap (aged up bangtan), s2l, dom/sub dynamics, infidelity, pwp, explicit smut (different per chapter; warnings stated at the top of each)
status: completed
a/n: making this into a series bc i cant stop thinking abt them 😒 the hold they have on me is... sjsksl anyways lmk what you think! <3 + main m.list
[ Take the quiz to see which dilf you get here! ]
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Copyright © 2021, taesinferno | tumblr | no reposts, translations, copies, etc.
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minyfic · 10 days ago
docile - KNJ | M
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↣ much to your chagrin, your friend set you up on a date with Kim Namjoon, despite you telling her that he isn’t your type. He’s too sweet. You decide to humor her, and things take a wild turn.
𓃰 part of the zookeeper bangtan series 𓃱
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pairing: zookeeper!namjoon x reader
genre: fluff, smut, slight angst, s2l
word count: 6.4K
warnings/tags: strong language, joon takes care of the elephants and giraffes, aw, dom!Namjoon, brat!reader, Y/N has a big 🍑 and is very short, explicit smut- dirty talk, degradation, size kink, edging, spanking, pussy slapping, overstimulation, oral (f & m), clit pinching, clit biting, throat fucking, hickeys, biting, scratching, standing sex?, multiple orgasms, protected sex
a/n: your best friend is unnamed in the fic, so you could think of your own bff, and if you don’t have one, stop lying, I’m your best friend.
You’re scanning the area, arms folded, tapping your foot impatiently, annoyed.
She was supposed to be here an hour ago and when you receive a text from her, stating that she wouldn’t be able to make it, you curse, loudly, causing the few pigeons, who were picking at the crumbs you had thrown across the panels earlier, to scurry.
This was her plan all along, you had a gut feeling as soon as she had mentioned that she wanted to visit the zoo again. Who wants to visit the zoo twice in one month?
And she has the nerve to tell you to continue with your exploring, to take a stroll through Road R. Road R. The large mammals’ enclosure, more like a forest with the way it’s set up and sectioned off.
Let’s not forget who you would inevitably run into on your stroll. Kim Namjoon. The guy your best friend has been trying to set you up with ever since your first visit here.
He was sweet, but your conversation was brief due to the fact that the rain interrupted your conversation and he had to take off to prepare for the downpour. On your ride home, you had mentioned that he was attractive, and she ran with it.
That’s why you’re on your way to Road R, knowing that she wouldn’t let you get a moment of peace if you don’t follow through with her scheme.
You’ve always appreciated the fact that this zoo takes the full representation of wildlife to another level, the sandy path as you make your way around the corner, the acacia and baobab that populate the grassy lands which is out of your pathway. And then the gate, the huge wooden gate that is much sturdier than one would think.
You spin around, small smile gracing your features when you take in the sight of Namjoon, shuffling over to you.
“Hi,” you adjust the white baseball cap on your head, tightening your ponytail as he leads you further toward the gate.
“You’re alone today?”
You nod, adding a small ‘yes’ when you realize that he can’t see your movement, he’s too busy untangling the chain that’s winded around the handle as extra precaution.
“And you came here first,” he faces you, palm out, dimpled smile forcing his eyes to shut.
“Oh,” you reach into your jeans pocket to produce the ticket.
He retrieves a stamp in the shape of an elephant’s foot, that’s what you think it is, and stamps one of the blocks on the back of your ticket, handing it to you with another charming smile and ushering you through the enclosure.
It’s not what you expected. What did you expect? To be greeted by a herd of elephants or giraffes as soon as you entered.
There’s a chain link enclosure to your right, that’s where you’re headed.
You’re nervous and you have no idea why. And when you’re nervous, you tend to fill the unsettling silence with small talk.
“Not so busy today.”
“Yeah,” he speaks from behind a small shack, out of your view, “on Friday afternoons we aren’t that busy. Mostly because everyone prefers the weekend to unwind and visit.”
You wrap your arms around your waist, eyes drifting to the large trees and vines that twine above you, white sunlight poking through the gaps. It’s unusually chilly today, and you should’ve worn a jacket.
Too lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the muscular man standing in front of you with a large ball tucked under his arm, goofy smile in place.
“You’re lucky, Kwangsu is in a good mood today.”
Your eyebrows crease at the unfamiliar name, “Kwangsu?”
“Yep, the last time you visited you mentioned that you wanted to play with the baby elephant.”
He lets the ball thud to the ground, jogging around the enclosure to disappear behind the large baobab tree ahead of you.
You can’t help but coo when the little elephant you’ve seen behind the fence the last time you visited runs in step with Namjoon, slipping on a patch of grass only to get back up and follow him into the smaller enclosure, ears flapping wildly.
“Come,” with a wave of his hand, Namjoon calls out for you to approach the baby that wriggles and twists in his hold.
Your face is contorted into a permanent ‘aww’ as Kwangsu, you assume, squirms onto Namjoon’s lap, giggling when his little tail swats Namjoon in the face.
“Do you mind getting your clothes dirty?”
Glancing at your jeans and black jumper, you shake your head, speaking around your laugh.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well then,” he throws his arms over Kwangsu’s wrinkly back, gesturing for you sit down in a similar position.
He chuckles, patting the baby’s head with loud thumps, “you’re being very naughty today. Come on! Up! Up!”
The elephant wears something like a smile, and you can almost sense the mirth that fills his dark eyes as he rolls over to where you’re sitting with your legs out, back in a straight line.
“Now be careful, he’s a cuddler.”
You hold out your arms, “I love cud-“
The weight that’s set on your thighs steals your breath away, hind legs kneading your flesh as the baby sets their feet on your shoulders, messing up your hair and knocking off your cap when he twists around and sprawls over your lap, breathless chuckles spilling from your lips as he rests his head against your chest.
“He’s so cute!”
Namjoon pats Kwangsu’s head when you fall back on the ground, eyes prickling with tears from how hard you’re laughing. The scent that fills your nostrils is earthy.
“He thinks you’re cute too!”
As if to support Namjoon’s statement, the friendly animal curls his stout trunk around your head, temporarily blinding you.
In a second, you’re being hoisted off the ground by Namjoon’s grip on your arm, almost dizzy from your fit of laughter, tugging on the hem of your jumper. You aren’t even the slightest bit self-conscious that your clothes had ridden up, Kwangsu is just too adorable.
He runs in a circle and when Namjoon rolls the large ball in his direction, he places his front legs on the surface and folds his trunk to touch the space between his eyes.
Namjoon laughs, grabbing a bottle of water with a nipple at the top, “now you’re just showing off for the pretty girl.”
Your eyes flit to Namjoon as he bends down to feed Kwangsu, still wearing the same amiable expression.
You’re more than glad that you two are the only ones here, you would’ve been a bit embarrassed if anyone witnessed your laughing fit as you were being cuddled, your clothes are a mess too.
You clear your throat, still a bit unstable after all that giggling.
“Do you give him a bath?”
“Yep, he loves baths. Once a week.”
Kwangsu sits between Namjoon’s legs, bumping his calves as he munches on the hay that’s placed in front of him.
“He’s so cute.”
You find yourself say again, unable to tear your gaze away from the little lump, feeding himself expertly yet still a little clumsy.
“Mom and dad are having some alone time now,” he smooths his palm down the center of the elephant’s back, speaking with a higher pitched tone that you find oddly endearing, “we’ll see them in a bit, once this guy’s done with his meal.”
You nod when you realize that he was talking to you, so immersed in the way his hand ruffles the hairs that’s spread across the elephant’s skin.
“How much does he eat?”
He shakes his head, “a lot. But he mostly relies on mommy’s milk.”
That makes you coo even more, this is the first time you’ve interacted so closely with a baby from another species, you’d remember this day for the rest of your life and it’s also giving you major baby fever.
“Time to go, kid. Up!”
With a pat to Kwangsu’s head, waving vigorously, you watch Namjoon cart Kwangsu in the same direction that he entered from.
You take the time to explore the area, discovering a bush that’s covered in berries the further you walk. The serenity and quiet makes you feel like you’re in a different world, and you think that you should consider booking a night in the camping area here at the zoo.
Namjoon’s carrying a bag filled with carrots, guiding you around the fence.
“I would take you in, but the mud wallows don’t make for an easy tour,” he smiles, sneakers crunching on the sand as you walk side by side.
“That’s okay,” you shoot him a smile of your own. On your last trip here, you didn’t have enough time to visit Road R, mostly because there was so much to see and then the weather wasn’t in your favor.
Your eyes widen when you take in the size of the large mammal just on the other side of the fence.
“This is Kwangsu’s mom,” he informs, handing you a carrot, “I already fed her but you can try.”
A bit apprehensive, you stand on your tippy toes, but you’re still unable to reach into the fence.
“This is what I’ve been saying to management. Some kids visit, and they can’t reach to feed them.”
You huff, arms swinging back and forth at your sides in annoyance, “I can’t reach.”
Setting the bag of carrots down, he walks toward you, eyes flickering to your waist, “would you mind?”
When you agree to him lifting you up so you can feed the majestic giant, you only realize how long it’s been since you were held like this after his palms curl around your waist, a husky chuckle brushing your ear when he puts you down.
“You’re so tiny.”
You gulp, gazes locking for a few seconds before he’s backing away and picking up the bag of carrots again to feed Ahin, you read on the tag stuck to the fence, with ease.
After ten minutes of silence, bag empty, you yelp when she grabs your cap with her trunk, eyes wide in awe when she holds it on her head, as if she’s the one wearing it.
“That’s exactly why I don’t wear caps to work!”
“Wow, she’s so clever,” you peer into her eyes, blinking back at you with a timeless wisdom that seems to hold so much emotion. You remember reading once that elephants have the largest brains among the animals on land, which are similar to humans.
In a moment, you’re stunned into silence when she sets it back on your head, trunk retreating into the enclosure.
“Let’s move on. Bye Ahin!”
You can already see the long necks protruding from the fence, mouths buried in the trees as they chew with circular motions.
“I already fed these guys.”
Almost forgetting that Namjoon is standing beside you, you’re transfixed on the way their long tongues stick out to reach the leaves higher up.
“Giraffes are literally the easiest to take care off and we let them graze with the elephants.”
“That’s nice. Allowing them to coexist like they would in the wild.”
He rubs his chin, black button up shirt hugging his arms, “I wish we had more of them though.”
You hum, getting distracted by the trees once again.
“Hey uhm…”
He rubs the back of his neck, his nervousness radiates off of him and you’re just as anxious when he struggles to complete his sentence.
“I’m…Can we meet up tomorrow evening at 8? Or whatever works for you?”
Your eyebrows furrow, “meet up?”
His blinding smile returns, “yeah. I know we were supposed to head out together after I was done here but I really need to take a shower.”
“Head out…together?”
Your mind is running, you’re puzzled. Why would he think that- Oh. Oh, you’re going to kill her.
“Yeah? Is 8 fine?”
You nod, wanting to go home and call your best friend or head to her place and beat the shit out of her.
“Alright, I’ll text you the details.”
Silence falls over the both of you before he’s laughing again, the sound irks you even more.
“I don’t have your number.”
“Right right,” you pull out your phone from your pocket and tap on the contacts app.
After exchanging numbers, he walks you out of the enclosure and you sprint to your car.
Glancing around to make sure he didn’t follow you into the parking lot, you dial up your friend’s number and tap the steering wheel, groaning when she doesn’t answer after the fourth ring. Just as you’re about to cut the call and try again, she picks up, and you can imagine the smug grin she’s sporting.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Woah woah. Chill! What is up with you?”
You roll your eyes, refusing to retell today’s events because she probably had it all planned out and she already knows.
“Stop being a goon! What happened?”
“You set me up on not one, but two dates with this guy!”
“Hey the first one was unplanned but the second one however…”
“How could you do that?!”
You hear her monotone laugh filter through the speakers.
“Do what?! I’m just looking out for a sis and besides, you need to clear out the cobwebs in your coochie.”
You gasp, “there are no cobwebs!”
“Please. We both know that you need to get laid. You’re becoming like my 67-year-old grandmother who – by the way – gets more action that you!”
You switch your tone, unable to fight the whine in your voice, “but you know that he isn’t my type. Why would you put me in this situation?”
“Would you just…stop? He’s sweet and intelligent, the complete opposite of the assholes you dated in the past. Would you at least give him a chance and stop acting like I made you join a satanic cult or something?!”
Groaning, you shake your head, deciding to endure a few more hours with him.
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A part of you is disappointed that he showed up on time, that he showed up. After giving it some thought, you realized that it wouldn’t hurt to go on this one date with him. It’s not like things would go any further than chatting and sharing harmless information about yourselves and you know that you’re wearing your favorite lingerie for no reason. You have no idea where your friend picked up that he might be the one to break your dry spell.
Guys like Kim Namjoon aren’t meant for women like you. They’re the type to have a set routine and protocol for every aspect of their lives and dare they stray from it, it was only because of the circumstances, because they were forced to. They’re the type to apologize for asking you to move out of their way, the type to ask before taking. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just not your type.
You don’t expect him to hug you tonight, let alone rock your shit.
“Hey, did you order?”
“Yeah,” you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, not knowing where to begin with your mindless chatter.
“Alright,” he waves over the waitress, ordering steak and a drink. You take his distractedness as an opening to survey his outfit. Black t-shirt that stretches across his chest and black shorts.
You might have overdressed for the occasion.
“So,” he grabs the seat of his chair to tug it closer to the table, eyes darting to your sparkly white blouse, “you look…pretty.”
Sexy was what you were looking for, but you’ll accept it.
“How did you get here? Will you need a ride home?”
Ah, of course he’ll ask that question.
“A friend dropped me off and yes, I might need to catch a ride with you.”
“That’s not a problem.”
“Thank you.”
When your meals arrive, the only sound that fills the air is the clanking of your forks and knives and the laughter from the people around you. The dimly lit restaurant is supposed to set a romantic tone for your date, but you feel like you’re in a business meeting with the seriousness that floats between the two of you.
“So,” you begin, eyes flitting up to meet his wide ones, mouth stuffed with meat, “when did you start working at the zoo?”
He holds up a finger, swallowing, then dabbing his mouth with a tissue, laughing sheepishly before he speaks.
“Eight years ago. Two years after it opened.”
“Wow,” you slot your fingers together on your lap, leaning back against your chair, “that’s a long time.”
He grins, “yeah. Most of it wasn’t built at the time and the animals were forced to live in confined spaces. It was terrible.”
Your voice is laced with genuine concern, mind wandering to the large animals and the stress it must’ve put on them.
“Yeah. But Seokjin worked hard to ensure that the animals are living comfortably. We get a lot of people who come to the zoo just to say that these animals rather be dead than live in a space that’s nothing compared to their natural habitat.”
“That’s horrible. These animals are honestly better off in a controlled environment where they’re promised food and water every day. As much as they need. Rather than being unsafe, out in the wild with their species being hunted down.”
He holds his chin, elbow propped up on the table, “exactly! Exactly.”
You think you see an unfamiliar glint in his eyes, but it might be the lighting.
“Where do you work?”
“Oh,” you place your arms on the table, swirling the straw in your drink, “I’m a sales manager.”
“That’s interesting.”
You smile, “not as interesting as your job.”
He laughs, deep and rich, “it has its pros and cons.”
Silence settles once again but it isn’t uncomfortable, you can tell that he’s searching for something to say as much as you are.
You chuckle, “go on.”
He shakes his head, holding up his palms, “please continue.”
You take a sip from your drink and lick your lips, “what do you do for fun?”
“Hmmm,” he tips his head back, staring up at the ceiling while you get a glimpse of the moles on his neck. Tiny moles get you weak, and you have no idea when you started to develop that fetish.
“I like to visit museums, mountain climbing, cycling. Mostly outdoorsy kinda stuff.”
“That’s fun. I’m kind of the same. I was actually thinking of booking a night at the campsite.”
“The experience is unlike any other. The different sounds from the birds throughout the night and then in the morning. And sometimes you can hear the lions. It’s amazing.”
“The lions?”
Your eyes bulge out, remembering how frightened you were when you visited Road Y.
“No no. Everything is closed up, don’t worry. We take extra care when it comes to the campsite but like, from afar, you can hear them.”
“Oh,” you take a breath of relief, seeing him laugh at your reaction.
His eyes dart across the table and he grabs the tiny butter container, cradling it in his palms.
“This is so cute. Aww.”
You’re not surprised at his sudden outburst, but over a tiny butter dish?
“You’ve never seen one of these before?”
He sticks out his bottom lip, “no.”
You giggle, grabbing the other one and poking at it. It is cute.
With a few more rubs over the foil packaging, he sets it down on the table, meeting your gaze.
“I like small and cute things.”
Something about the gruffness in his voice, and his words sends a shiver down the length of your spine.
“Yeah,” he replies, eyes still glued to yours and the air seems to shift because the next bite he takes of the steak has you folding one leg over the other.
Despite your disapproval, you didn’t forget that he called you pretty and his firm hold on your waist when he said that you were tiny.
“What else do you want to know about me?”
You’re broken out of your daydream, if you spent a second longer staring at his biceps you would’ve drooled all over this table.
“What do you want to know about me?”
He cocks an eyebrow, “I asked first.”
You level his stare, boobs pressing against the table as you lean forward, “and I asked second.”
The twitch in his jaw causes a thrill to shoot through your body. The look in his eyes isn’t the lighting, you know that for sure.
The way he slumps in his chair gives you the idea that he tried his best to let it go.
“I want to know…What do you like the most about yourself?”
You sip your drink leisurely as you think of your response, knowing that your answer might have the power to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“I’d say I like my passion, my drive to do my best in whatever task is hand. I’m a pretty good friend, my generosity.”
He nods, looking at his right hand that’s spread on the table.
“And I have a nice ass. So, that too.”
Just like that, you know that his soft boy persona is something that’s only meant for the daytime. His eyes flicker up to yours, sucking his lower lip into his mouth.
“Your ass?”
“Yeah,” you shrug, feigning nonchalance as you dig into the ice that’s melting at the bottom of your cup.
“Anyway, wh-“
“I think you have a great ass.”
He’s closer now, both palms resting on the table, pecs pressing into the side.
“Thanks,” you keep your eyes on the glass, “I know.”
The deep sigh he lets out makes you smile in satisfaction, hidden by the strands of your hair.
“What do you like the most about yourself?”
You throw his question back at him, and his answer comes tumbling out.
“I like my patience, my ability to work under pressure, my compassion. I like my height.”
You jolt when he tucks your hair behind your ear, providing a clear view of his face as he continues.
“I like my hands, and my built. And maybe…other things.”
“What other things?”
You watch the smirk grow on his face, wondering how you went from bored to straight up horny for this guy. It must be his handsome features, or the way he clenches his jaw or the fact that he’s a giant next to you. His pretty fingers that seem proficient in things you would appreciate. The way his t-shirt seems a little too tight for him.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I would,” you don’t forget the teasing lilt in your voice, seeing his chest rise and fall with his steady breaths.
“Maybe,” he whispers, beckoning you to lean in closer with his index finger, “maybe if things go my way, you’d find out.”
“Your way?”
He nods, gaze locking on your lips, “my way.”
Abruptly, he shifts back in his chair, and you hate the winded feeling you’re getting from his cologne, his hot breath that fanned across your face.
You want this man. But you want to push him to see how much he can take.
“Or my way.”
He tilts his head to stare at you, biceps bulging as he folds his arms, “your way?”
“Mhmm, so anyway, I’m done with my meal. Are you done?”
You point to his plate, oil pooling at the center with the last piece of steak on the side, ignoring the burning stare on your face.
“Let’s get the bill,” you call for the waitress who skips over to your table.
“We’re done. Can we get the bill, please?”
She glances at Namjoon’s plate, “should I pack this up for him?”
“Should she?”
He shrugs, jaw set, sneering as he speaks, “yes, thank you.”
The threatening gleam in his eyes makes you grin, peering at him through your lashes innocently.
“You’re giving me a ride home, right?”
He chuckles, the sound a little menacing to your ears, “yes.”
When the bill is placed on your table, you reach for it, but he pulls it out of your grip, taking out his wallet to tuck a few bills on the inside. You open your mouth to protest but he cuts you off.
“Come on,” with the legs of the chair screeching against the tile, he shuffles out of the restaurant with you following close behind.
Maybe your plan backfired. Maybe he’s upset with your behavior, you did put an end to your date. Now you’re questioning if you were a little too much, too rude. It’s your first, probably last, date with this guy and you brushed everything off. Maybe you misinterpreted the situation.
Panicking, you click in your seatbelt once you’re seated in his car, which smells a lot like his cologne. He reaches into his pocket to pull out his car keys, but just before he can start the engine, you place a hand on his knee.
“I had fun tonight.”
He raises an eyebrow, the streetlight casting a bright glow to his vexed features.
Swallowing the guilt, you nod, hoping that you can propose another date when he places a finger on your jaw.
“The fun hasn’t begun.”
With a shudder, you grip onto your purse as he zooms onto the roads, heat building between your legs in anticipation.
You’re biting back the accomplished smile when you realize that your plan worked, that he cracked, that what you saw in the restaurant was just a glimpse of his other side. You want to send your best friend a quick text to thank her, but the jitters render you motionless, excitement building as he parks the car outside a large apartment building.
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The interior of his apartment is simple, with a bookshelf and desk placed near the sliding door in his lounge.
“I would offer you something to drink,” he towers over you, bottom lip catching between his teeth, “but I think you had enough.”
He takes your purse from your hand delicately and places it on the couch, backing you up until the backs of your knees hit the plush material.
You fall onto the couch, neck straining as you stare up at him. He places his hands on the wall behind you, you sink further down into the couch, core throbbing in want, in need.
“Do you want this?”
“Want what?”
Your playful smile returns when you catch sight of his jaw locking once again. In pure irritation.
“What do you think?”
“What are you talking about?”
Even with him leaving no room for you to breathe, you find a way to tease him and you know he’s enjoying it as much as you are, if the way his cock twitches in his shorts is any indication.
“Take off your pants.”
You want to tease him even more, but you obey, unbuttoning the material and sliding it off your legs, suddenly grateful for wearing your lacy black lingerie.
He licks his lips, eyes travelling from your feet, up to your thighs and stopping at the apex. You spread your legs a bit, giving him the perfect view of your panties that cling to your wet folds. He exhales a shuddering breath, looming over you.
“Your shirt.”
“What about it?”
How wrong you were about him. He’s just your type.
“Take. It. Off.”
Reaching behind you to undo the button, you tug the hem until the soft material lays next to your pants on the floor, placing both your hands in your lap.
“Turn around.”
He still doesn’t give you enough space, but you manage to set your knees on the couch, gripping the backrest, knowing how he must be salivating at the view of your round ass.
“Panties. Off.”
You groan, loudly, wanting to ask why he can’t do it himself but the sudden grip he has on your hair makes you yelp, panties caught around your ankles.
“This is what you want, right? You want to be at my mercy,” his voice is soft yet stern, lips grazing the shell of your ear.
“Yes,” you spread your legs when his hand slides over your abdomen, swollen folds exposed to the cool air.
You almost moan when he shoves you face down into the couch, arm lifting you up so your ass is in the air.
“You’re going to count for me.”
Nodding, you press your cheek into the cushion, watching him pull off his shirt, wanting to feel up his sinewy body.
“I said,” he smacks your ass, “you’re going to count for me.”
“Yes, yes. But I have to ask,” you lift your head so you can see the expression on his face better, “is that all you got?”
His lips curl, pads of his fingers digging into your hips as he pulls your ass up higher. You expect him to hit you with his own witty remark but the force of his hand meeting your right ass cheek has your eyes scrunching shut.
“One,” you breathe, collecting yourself enough to pretend to yawn.
He growls, large palm smacking each of your ass cheeks twice.
The boredom in your tone causes him to grab you by your hair once again, lifting you up so your arms carry all your weight. The next swat to your ass has your pussy clenching, head lolling forward when he lands another three in quick succession.
“Five six seven.”
He laughs, hand winding through your hair to lift you up so your back presses against his sweaty chest.
“Such a dumb slut. Can’t even keep count,” you don’t even realize your mistake because he’s pushing you forward and letting his index finger glide through your folds. You try to spread your legs but your panties, as well as the small space, restrict your movement.
His palm comes down slowly on your folds, almost like he’s testing it out before you’re crying out his name once he slaps your clit, the loud squelch of your pussy can be heard each time you clench your dripping hole. You moan unabashedly when he starts to rub your folds, spreading you open by gripping onto your ass.
“You got a big fucking mouth, hmm? After tonight I like to see you use that smart mouth of yours again. What? Such a fucking slut.”
You’re a mumbling mess, pushing back against his hand for more friction, arousal dribbling down your thighs.
“Close…am close,” you blubber, rolling your hips in circles against his fingers, chasing the sweet release that seems ten times better than when you’re alone in your room, your own fingers working against your clit, whimpering and squirming in the quiet.
He smacks your clit once again and you jolt, pleading with him when your body shivers after your high was ripped away, the beginnings of tears brimming in your eyes.
“Oh? You thought that you were gonna cum? That’s cute. Only good girls get to cum and you’ve been a very-“ he cups your pussy “very- bad- girl.” He punctuates each word with a harsh smack to your folds, tears streaming down your cheeks.
He helps you up so you’re laying on your back, tearing your panties off your ankles as he settles between your legs, almost unrecognizable with the ravenous spark in his eyes as his mouth connects to your clit, tongue spreading your folds, flicking and pressing against your engorged bundle of nerves until you’re shaking, coating his tongue in your juices when he purses his lips around your clit and wiggles his face into your pussy, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Yes. Yes, right there. Fuck!”
You’re grinding against his tongue, the euphoric release being the only thing on your mind as you feel the familiar heat crawl from the top of your head down to your toes, curling with the pleasurable strokes of his tongue. He flexes the wet muscle into your sopping hole, nose nudging your clit until you’re spasming and bursting onto his tongue, seeing stars behind your lids as your back arches, still keeping his face in your pussy as the heels of your foot press into his back, pushing him further as you ride out your high. He doesn’t let up and soon you’re twitching, nails digging into his scalp with the overstimulation.
A shrill breaks into the air when his teeth tugs on your clit, sitting up on your elbows, trying to squirm away from him.
He wipes his chin, slick with your juices, with the back of his hand, chest heaving, hair sticking up as he pulls down his shorts and boxer briefs. You sit up, undoing the clasp of your bra and flinging it across the lounge, wanting nothing more than to have his thick cock in your mouth.
As you’re about to sit at the edge of the couch and grab his thighs to pull him closer, he tugs on your hair and makes you kneel in front of him, hissing when you twist your palm around the leaking head.
Gaze set on his, your tongue darts out in kittenish licks, but he wants none of that because soon, you’re choking on his rock-hard length, saliva trickling from the corners of your mouth as he guides you along his length.
“This is what your big mouth is good for. Choking on my cock.”
Your nails pierce into the flesh on his thighs, dull ache burning your scalp with how hard he’s tugging on your strands of hair but it’s all causing you to shift uncomfortably, watching him throw his head back when you swallow around the tip. He’s ruthless with his thrusts, head lodging in your hot throat, groaning in pleasure as he fucks your mouth, nose pressing into his pubic bone with each snap of his hips.
The pressure between your legs becomes too much, and you reach down to rub your clit in slow circles, jaw aching as he holds your mouth over his cock, moaning around his length as you spread your slick around your clit.
He pulls you off his cock when he sees your fingers between your thighs, holding you up by your shoulders and slamming you into the nearest wall. Not a wall, his sliding door. The cool glass is nothing compared to the scorching heat surging through you and heating up your skin.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he pinches your clit between his index finger and thumb, hot mouth covering yours in a searing kiss, tongue licking every inch of your wet cavern.
“Look at you, letting me abuse your tiny little pussy.”
He grips your thigh and hooks your leg around his waist, you’re sucking on his neck, wanting nothing more than to be impaled on his cock. He fumbles for a condom in his shorts pocket, bending over and in the process, giving you more space to suck hickeys into, nails raking down his fleshy back.
“This is what you like,” he opens the packaging and rolls on the condom, dipping his head to suck on your perky nipples noisily, “you like it like this and you know what that makes you?”
The breath gets knocked out of your lungs when his cock slides into your pulsating hole, mewling when he begins to snap his hips, stretching you open.
“A good little whore,” he grunts, nipping on your earlobe as he wraps both your legs around his waist, thick cock dragging along every ridge in your pussy.
The sliding door rattles behind you, gasping with each push of his cock into your hole. You’re holding onto his shoulders, eyes cracking open to see him watch the way his cock disappears into your pussy, almost like he’s hypnotized with the way his big cock gets swallowed up by your heat.
“So fucking good, so fucking tight,” he supports your weight by gripping onto your ass, helping you move in tandem with his thrusts, walls squeezing around him.
“You’re gonna cum again? Hmm? You like having my fat cock in your pussy.”
You nod meekly, eyes fluttering shut when you feel the stirrings of your high, groaning in sweet bliss when your pussy clenches uncontrollably, milking his cock as you cum, burying your face in the crook of his neck, nails dragging down his back as you ride out your orgasm.
In your haze, you don’t even realize that he reached his end until he sets you down on the couch and you notice the end of the condom hanging with his cum.
He waddles down the hallway on the other end of the lounge and returns wearing a fresh set of shorts and a t-shirt, holding a damp cloth to help you clean up. Your cheeks heat when he pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and drapes it over your shivering body.
“I’m sorry if I was too-“
“It’s okay,” you rush to say, refusing to meet his worried gaze, having expected him to say something along those lines.
“I know you didn’t want to come today.”
Your head whips to the side to see his downturned mouth, picking at his nails.
“What do you mean?”
“I kind of sensed it.”
Guilt overtakes any other emotion. You scoot closer to him, nudging his side with your shoulder, noticing the scars on his neck. Your doing.
“Well, I do think you’re a great guy.”
“But…I’m not your type?”
Your mouth hangs open, not knowing what to say to that because after the past few hours, your opinion of him changed drastically.
“You are…not what I expected. I didn’t expect any of this.”
“You know that someone’s personality and their behavior in a relationship, in the bedroom, especially, don’t always correlate.”
Why does he seem so disheartened?
“I was…wrong to class you before I even got to know you.”
He offers a small smile, laughing when you intertwine your fingers, leaning into his warmth.
“I’m hoping that I can get to know you better.”
“Of course,” he grins, a grin that’s reminiscent of the first time you saw him, sporting that black and yellow uniform.
Kim Namjoon, wasn’t what you expected and maybe you were warming up to his gentle personality since yesterday. You know that you have a bad habit of basing people’s personalities off your first impression and in Namjoon’s case, all you saw was him at work, mingling with the animals he cares for dearly.
He’s certainly your type.
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a/n: please don’t feel shy to send in feedback, hearing your thoughts serve as motivation :)
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blue-sidez · 4 months ago
— bts reaction to: cumming inside their s/o for the first time.
genre: mature content [18+] minors dni.
warnings: unprotected sex (don't forget to use a condom unless you have a serious relationship and know that both of you are clean!), creampie, cock-warming, dirty talk (no degradation), slight impreg kink, blasphemy (just one), femdom, noona kink, baby-making, pussy-slapping, cringy humor.
request: ‹ I would love to read a reaction of bangtan cumming inside their so for the first time 🥺 ›
note: i've been having a hard time lately, so i've put on hold most of my WIP's. i hope to get back on the writing train soon.
word count: 3.7k
lower-case intended | unedited.
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“psst… yn-ah,” you try your best to ignore your boyfriend. “you awake?”
« just let me warm my cock inside your kitty. we will sleep, i promise. » we will sleep your ass. you know what he's gonna say, you know damn well cause you can feel how hard he's gotten.
“seokjin, go to sleep or i swear to god we're going celibate,” you warn and he whines.
“i will make you cum. it's gonna take less than ten minutes,” if your eyes were open you would've rolled them and even then he wouldn't notice. perks of being the little spoon. “i promise,”
“your promises mean nothing,” he sighs in defeat but moans when you roll your hips back and forth. ah, if only the sex with seokjin wasn't so good.
he lifts your leg with his and his fingers find your clit, rubbing slowly around it before pinching it softly. “i'm not wearing a condom, do i pull out or…?”
you know he's been wanting to cum inside you for a long time, but even if you're on the pill you've never wanted to risk it. “just fuck me. we'll cross that bridge when we get there,”
he wastes no time and thrusts in and out of you, hitting you hard and deep each time, his fingers working slowly, the way he knows you like best. you feel him in so deep, your walls closing in on his cock and making you feel it pulsing, making you feel every vein. he's moaning in your ear and you'd lying if you said it doesn't make your insides tingle. he's fucking you so good, so hard, just the way you both like, and you can't bring yourself to tell him to pull out, even when you feel his abs flexing and his cock twitching. he's cumming and you want to feel him cum inside you.
“cum inside me,” you blurt out and his cock twitches violently. “fill me up, please,”
“fuck, you're a dream come true,” he says and flips you on your stomach, his hands holding on to your hips and fucking you harder and faster.
you're so wet it makes the slide of his cock smooth, the noises of your bodies connecting fill the room along with groans and moans. you're both gasping for air, you whine and seokjin lets out short but loud moans. the position has him hitting your g-spot with each thrust, bringing you into overdrive.
“gonna cum— fuck, i'm gonna cum,” he's gritting his teeth, his voice low and breathless.
you're practically yelling as your walls throb erratically around him. something on your lower stomach snapping and making you shut your eyes.
“feels so good,” he says, his thrusts begin to slow down and focus on reaching deeper into you. he lets out a long moan when he spills his cum in your wet heat. “fuckfuckfuck,”
your breathing starts to get back to normal as he rests his chest on your back, some of his cum leaking out of your hole and your stomach flips at the feeling.
“baby, i'm never gonna be the same,”
running out of condoms can lead to one or two things; one, go to sleep horny and frustrated, or two, fucking raw and deal with the consequences later. you aren't on the pill and you know very well this could lead to pregnancy, so why don't you and yoongi give a fuck about it?
baby? baby comes second, fucking comes first.
“you're gonna let me cum inside you, hmm? gonna let me stuff you full of my cum?” yoongi's grip on your hips is almost bruising, but you don't seem to care when all you can focus on is how he's pounding on you like he's got something to prove. “my dirty girl, i bet you want me to knock you up and show everyone how you let me cum in your sweet pussy,”
your insides clench at his words, you want nothing more than for yoongi to fuck a baby into you (but that could also be the horny demon on your shoulder whispering its ideas), you want it more than anything.
“you'd like that, wouldn't you? i'm gonna fill you up so much you'll be dripping my cum as you walk. you've always looked amazing in white,” he smirks and bites his lips, focusing his eyes on how your pussy is taking his cock.
he leans away from you and one of his hands squeezes the plump flesh of your thigh while the other goes down to play with your clit, caressing your folds and gathering your slick before his thumb starts working on your clit again. you run your nails down his back as his pace gets quicker, practically slamming in and out of you.
“i’m gonna cum, baby,” he groans and his eyes break their focus on your pussy to look at you in the eyes. “are you sure about this? i can still pull out, but i’m not gonna last forever,”
you nod your head as you bite your lip, your hair a mess and you part your lips in silent moans. “wanna feel your cum,”
yoongi groans at your words, placing his hands on your hips and using them to fuck you harder. you’re lightheaded, at the verge of your climax, and you can feel yoongi’s is close too, his cock twitching inside of you.
“fuck!” he says through gritted teeth as he feels you clench tightly around him when you reach your high. “you’re a fucking sin,”
he leans his head on your shoulder and stills his hips, shooting spurts of hot cum in your pussy. how will you go back to using condoms when you’ve already experienced this? the answer is: you won’t.
“i’m gonna start birth control,” you say as you gasp for air.
“fuck birth control, let’s make a baby,”
“baby, we shouldn’t be doing this here,” you can detect the panic in hoseok’s voice, making you roll your eyes. “i’m serious!”
“then why are your fingers fucking me?” it’s true, he’s acting like you’re committing a sin by asking him to fuck you in your old bedroom at your parent’s house while he has a whole hand up your cunt. hypocrite. “if you don’t want to then stop,”
he looks at you ashamed and resumes his job scissoring his fingers inside you to prep you for his cock. you smirk and push him up, your lips finding his in a passionate kiss. his hands still as he focuses on making out with you, his tongue dancing with yours as his other hand holds your jaw. he bites your bottom lip before leaning away from you by a couple of inches, his breath mixing with yours. he indicates you to turn around with his finger and you oblige, your knees on the hannah montana bed cover and your head resting on the pink pillow.
“should i… where should i cum i don’t wanna do it on hannah montana,” his voice sounds serious and it makes you laugh.
“uuuh… mom does the laundry so i guess you should cum inside me,” you say. the truth is, you and hoseok never use condoms, he has always had the control to pull out in time. that and the fact you’re in birth control allow you to not use the piece of rubber.
“baby, you're really offering yourself as a cum dump… that's hot,” he groans and you whip your head back to look at him with your eyebrows furrowed.
“do not call me a cum dump!” oh, but you are. there is nothing you want more but to let hoseok cum inside you again and again. you won’t say it out loud, though.
he breaks eye contact as he begins rubbing the head of his cock over your folds then you finally feel him filling you up slowly, his cock heating you up even more. the tight fit makes you close your eyes. he starts off slow, his dancer’s hips moving in smooth, deep thrusts. he rolls his hips and you swear you can feel him everywhere. he begins to move faster when you start clenching around him, both of you a moaning mess. sex with hoseok is always incredible, relieving, and loud.
“fuck, baby, i’m gonna cum,” he says and you’re surprised, he has great stamina and would sometimes spend hours fucking you. “i got too excited when you said i could cum inside you,”
you’re about to laugh when his index and middle finger find your clit, taking you by surprise and making you roll your eyes in pleasure. he’s fucking you faster and harder than ever before, determined to make you cum before he does. and that mission proves to be easy when your thighs start shaking and your nails dig on hoseok’s arm, cumming faster than you usually do.
his hips work efficiently and you can practically tell he’s pushing his head back, moaning loudly as his own climax begins to explode. “holy shit, baby, i can feel your pussy throbbing,”
his pace doesn’t decrease, milking your orgasm as his begins. you feel his dick twitch a couple of times before he spills inside of you, his hot cum sending butterflies to your stomach.
you and namjoon went from talking about nature and life to talking about sex, specifically, ways to make sex more intimate. these situations aren’t rare between the two of you, you’re both comfortable talking about anything and everything with each other, sex being a recurrent topic.
“you know what i think it's intimate?” you begin, balancing an anti-stress ball on your hand. you have his full attention, you always have. “cumming inside. that's like-- a whole 'nother level, don't you think?”
“yeah, i agree,” you feel the bed dip as you guess he’s fixing his position. “we should uh— we should have that kind of intimacy too, don't you— don't you think?” he sounds nervous, which is rare of him. he’s always confident in the words he uses and you know that very well.
“very smooth, joonie,” you smirk and throw the ball away, turning around and crawling to where he is. you look at his eyes with a smile on your face, the kind of smile a high school girl in love gives to her crush. “but okay,”
he looks surprised, taking a second or two to close his eyes as your lips find his, groaning and then cutting the kiss short by leaning away from you a few inches. “really?”
you roll your eyes and nod in agreement. his lips crash on yours and now you’re the one surprised, kissing him back with as much fervor as him. neither of you wastes time to take off your clothes and positioning yourselves, namjoon between your legs as your arms rest on his, one of his hands on your hip and the other lining up his cock on your hole. he pushes himself in and both of you moan at the same time, so connected you feel the pleasure at the same time in the same way. you open up your legs a bit more to give him space, his hips thrusting out and then slamming into you. you could say that namjoon knows your body better than you do, knows exactly where and how to make you feel on the clouds.
sex with namjoon is not always earth-shattering like in porn or erotica, sometimes is short and messy, and that doesn’t mean it’s bad, you both know everything about each other, every kink, every whim, every sweet spot. you’ve experimented with everything except letting him cum inside you, and your stomach tightens at the fact that you’re finally gonna feel his cum the way you’ve always wanted.
his pace is relentless, as it always is, but this time you can see the fierceness in his eyes. he’s determined to make you cum as fast and as hard as you can. you know exactly what that look he’s giving you means. his pubic bone hits your clit with every thrust and you feel him so deep inside, your toes curl and you cry out. his grip on your hips begins to hurt, but you couldn’t care less, not when he’s nailing you harder than the romans nailed jesus christ.
“you gonna cum, baby?” his deep voice wakes you up from the cloud of pleasure he’s put you on, only now noticing how your thighs are trembling and how your fists are closed tightly. “you’re such a masterpiece. i can’t believe you’re gonna let me paint you,” poetic sex is also very common with namjoon and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
you cry out his name and his thrusts hit deeper inside you, his cock rubbing your g-spot insistently. you feel yourself cumming, your mouth repeating his name like it’s the only word in your dictionary. he stills his pace and groans in your ear, spilling inside of you and letting out an airy laugh of disbelief.
“you know, intimacy is the key of love,”
you’re only human. you’re only human and you bet that every single dom out there would bend their rules for park jimin too. park jimin and his angel face, park jimin and those puppy eyes, park jimin and those pouty lips, park jimin and the cutest whines.
“i can't cum again. please, i can't cum again,” he cries as you slide down on his twitching cock. you comfort yourself on the fact that he’s begging— maybe you’re not going soft on him, you’re torturing him by fucking yourself on his cock… kinda. “noona—”
“you can and you will,” you say as you bottom out, rolling your hips and making him whimper. “no safeword, no stopping,”
he whines as he brings his hands to hold on to your hips. he knows he’s not allowed to fuck you, not allowed to move or attempt to thrust his hips up. he’s overly sensitive and your heart swoons cause you know he’s only doing this because he loves being good for you. “you’re gonna cum one last time, okay baby? just one more time,”
“but, noona, i’m not wearing a condom—” you hush him up as you begin to move up and down on his cock at a fast pace, not wasting time on torturing him since he’s been so good all evening, doing whatever you ask for. he whines as he realizes you’re gonna let him cum inside you and suddenly you can feel him gain strength. “noona, are you really letting— ah! letting me cum inside you?”
you nod and he throws his head back with a moan. your hips work fast, aiming to make you both cum as fast as you can. a feeling of pride overwhelming you at the fact that jimin’s hips are still and he’s biting his lip to resist the urge to touch you or help you ride him. you place your hands on his chest to bring you closer to your climaxes. jimin moans out loud, whimpering and whispering how good it feels. his cock twitches inside of you and you make an effort to push off your orgasm, decided to make him cum first.
“noona… noona, feels so good!” he’s a mess but he still doesn’t attempt to move.
you smirk, pleased with his obedience, and start playing with his nipples, bringing him to the edge, feeling his cum painting the walls of your cunt and making you feel whole. you ride off his orgasm until your hips stop moving, leaning down to place a kiss on his plump lips.
“that felt so good. what can i do for you to let me cum inside again?” you try not to laugh, but he looks so hopeful you can’t help but chuckle. his eyes go from excitement to confusion. “noona, you didn’t cum,”
“eat your cum off my cunt and we’ll be even,”
“i’m cumming, fuck. i’m gonna fill you up as many times as it takes to get you pregnant,”
after a year and a half after your wedding, and a lot of begging from taehyung, you finally decided you’re ready to become a mother. you thought taehyung, being the romantic he is, would light up candles and spread red roses all over the bedsheets, but instead, he ripped off your clothes and practically told you you’ll be leaking his cum for the rest of the week. and it’s only monday.
you’re arching your back as taehyung pounds on you from behind, one of his hands on your shoulder and the other on your hip, using it to impulse his pace. “you’re gonna look so beautiful, your stomach round and your tits full of milk. carrying our baby,” his words are dirty but they still make your heart flutter. “i’m cumming, baby,”
his cum leaks out of your pussy and taehyung pull out, looking at the mess and groaning. he gathers the scattered cum with the tip of his softening dick and pushes it inside of you again. you can feel how he’s not hard anymore yet he resumes his thrusts with a growl.
you can feel yourself getting wetter at his actions. “gonna fuck you till i’m hard again and then i’ll cum inside,” his thrusts are merciless and you’re begging him for more, crying out his name and grabbing the sheets in a tight fist. “i'm gonna make sure you'll get pregnant tonight, you hear me? i'm gonna cum inside you over and over, and you're gonna go to sleep just like that,”
you whine as you cum for the third time, your arms giving out and your head falling against the pillow. taehyung readjusts your hips to keep ramming into you with all the strength he has. you’re drooling on the pillow and you keep begging, at this point you don’t even know what you’re saying, the only thing you want is for him to cum inside you again.
his now hardened dick twitches and spurts of cum fill you up. the noises your pussy makes every time he thrusts into you are so loud you’re sure you’re leaking everywhere. “you’re creaming all over my cock, baby. i’m never using a condom again,”
“how can you not have a condom?” your hair is a mess and you’re pretty sure your lips are puffy and red. you are not about to be left horny and needy for the rest of the day.
jungkook is currently on a world tour and you’ve basically taken a plane to a foreign country and sneak past the guards of the hotel to visit him. you did this out of love and support, you did not expect to have sex —really, you didn’t!— but as soon as you crossed his hotel room’s door he said hi and pushed you to his bed.
“why would i have condoms if you're not around? who else am i suppose to fuck? my hand can't get pregnant or give me stds!” part of you feels annoyed, but another part feels honored and loved.
“you're a fucking dork,” you say, sighing and resigning on having your panties wet for nothing. “but you're so sweet,”
he smiles widely, showing you his bunny teeth and then looking down at you with piercing eyes. “what if i pull out? i fuck you, make you cum and then i spill on your tits or something.
“has anyone ever told you you’re the epitome of romance?” you kiss his lips as you weigh the options. you trust jungkook to pull out before he cums, but you know you could still get pregnant with his precum. fuck it. “okay but you gotta pull out in time,”
“yes, ma’am,” his lips find your neck and he bites on the flesh to later soothe the bruising spot with his tongue.
he leans away and helps you out of your clothes, getting off the bed to get rid of his own. he parts your legs and smells your scent, something you found deeply embarrassing at first but now it only makes you wetter, it turns you on to see how horny he gets. he wastes no time and laps your cunt, drinking every last drop of your slick and fully on making out with your clit. your hands grip his head by his hair as you push him even closer to you, if possible. he groans against you and pulls away with one last kiss on your clit.
“can’t wait to feel you,” he says before thrusting all the way in your pussy. “fuck. fuck, you’re so warm and wet. fuck, i’ll never be the same,”
you want to call him dramatic, but the feeling of every vein and ridge of his cock is something you don’t ever want to miss out on again. his thrusts are sloppy but consistent, his eyes are screwed shut and you know he’s trying his best not to cum already. he positions you higher up, your ass resting on his meaty thighs as his thrusts are now hitting your g-spot easily. his fingers find your clit and draw figures on it, making you squirm underneath him. he’s groaning and whining and you’re no better than him, practically screaming with every thrust he makes. he slaps your clit and you clench tightly around him, he resumes his task on your clit, more insistent this time.
“you have to cum, baby. i’m not gonna last much longer,” you’ve never seen him so out of control, he always knows exactly what to do and when to do it, but now he looks as helpless as you. “your pussy’s so good, god,”
“cum inside,” you demand, you don’t know if it’s because you’re horny or because you’ve dreamt about him filling you with his cum countless times before, but now that doesn’t matter. “shit, i want your cum,”
“don’t play with a guy’s emotions like that, y/n,” he opens his eyes to look at you and you force yours to connect with his, showing him you’re serious. “fuck, are you kidding me? holy shit, i love you,”
you close your eyes and hold your orgasm until you feel him getting dangerously close to his. then, and only then, you let yourself go, everything feeling so much more intense as he cums inside. he takes his time to slow down his thrusts, ravishing on the feeling of your cunt full of his cum.
“best. girlfriend. ever.”
© blue-sidez — do not translate, re-distribute or copy my work.
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kookie-chimchim · 4 months ago
BTS reacting to you having multiple orgasms
➳ pairing : dom!members x f!reader
➳ genre : smut, explicit.
➳ summary : BTS members reacting to you having multiple orgasms during sex.
➳ rating : 18+ (nsfw)
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➳ warnings : language, rough sex, spanking, unprotected sex (be safe irl!), oral (f!receiving), multiple orgasms (f!receiving), dirty talking, daddy kink.
— masterlist
➳ requests : closed.
➳ taglist : join my permanent taglist!
➳ a/n : uh... let’s just say that this is a fruit of the violence I had to went through after they released the concept group photo :p
Gif credits to the rightful owner :)
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Kim Namjoon ;
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The sound of skin slapping against skin intensifies with each passing second, your heightened sensations overwhelming you. Namjoon grabs a fistful of your hair, his nipples brushing against your back as he leans down to whisper in your ear, “Look at you, such a mess for daddy.”
You could only whimper in response, your hands gripping on the bedsheets for dear life. He groans, pounding into your cunt, relentless. You know that you can’t last any longer. Your pussy, still highly sensitive from the previous orgasms, starts pulsating around his cock yet again, signalling the approaching orgasm.
“You’re gonna cum again, hmm? Someone is really lewd today, cumming all over daddy’s cock again and again.” Namjoon growls, reaching for your clit and rolling it in tight circles. You let out a choked moan, your thighs shaking as for the third time — you feel your walls clenching around his dick.
Kim Seokjin ;
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You writhe on the bed, moaning while jin sucks on your clit, his fingers buried deep inside your core. He grazes his teeth on your clit, the pleasure coil snapping almost immediately, waves of ecstasy crashing down on you.
“You’re a whole fucking meal, baby.” He laps up your cunt, making sure to swallow each drop you offered to him. After a moment, he climbs up on your body, joining your bodies together. You groan at the feeling of his cock stretching your pussy, grabbing onto his shoulders. Burying his face in the crook of your neck, he picks up speed, stimulating your g-spot with each thrust.
“Jin– I’ll– I’m gonna–” You whimper, nails digging into his skin as you get closer to another release. He takes the hint and changes the position of his hips to touch all those spots deep inside you. Within a few more minutes, you scream his name, your orgasm flooding your senses.
“Gosh.” Jin groans, his pace slowing down, “You feel so good.”
Min Yoongi ;
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“Once more, please.” You mewl softly, bent over the kitchen island and shaking from your previous orgasm. With an approving growl, Yoongi slams his cock back in you, almost making you scream by the force. His grip on your ass tightens as he drives inside you roughly, his mouth finding it’s purchase on your neck.
You reach down to touch your clit, the sensitive nub swollen by now, demanding attention. But he notices quickly, swatting your hand away with his and playing with your clit between his index and thumb. You cry out his name, hissing in pleasure as he hits your cervix with his dick, the sloppy sounds of you two fucking bouncing off the walls.
“So needy, and such a fucking brat.” Yoongi grunts, sucking on the juncture of your neck. A few more hard thrusts, and you’re spasming around his cock, crying out in pleasure.
Jung Hoseok ;
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His strong arms push you more against the closed door, his cock deep buried in your cunt as he moves, hissing. Hoseok growls as he feels your inner walls squeezing him, his voice raspy.
“Such a naughty baby, so desperate to cum around my cock again, huh? Squeezing me like that?”
“More! I’m so close...”
He picks up pace, his pelvis grinding against your clit, making you scream his name. You gasp, shuddering when you feel your orgasm blazing fiery trails all over you. Hoseok cradles you in his arms, his pace turning sloppy.
Park Jimin ;
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You choke out a breathe, his hips snapping against your ass deliciously. Jimin rolls his hips to stimulate your g-spot, a gasp escaping you in pure ecstasy. His right hand covers your mouth, his hot breathe fanning over your neck, “No baby don’t make sounds.”
You mumble incoherently, pushing your ass back. Jimin groans, spanking your ass while he fucks you.
“Does feel good, hmm?” he murmurs, licking your earlobe briefly. He pounds into your cunt mercilessly. Your head lolls back in pleasure, your toes curling as you squeeze his cock happily, inching towards another orgasm. He growls, moving harder against you, pushing you closer to the release. Your body convulses, and jimin grunts, “You look so sexy when you cum for me, love.”
Kim Taehyung ;
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“Come on babygirl, ride me.” Taehyung whispers softly, trailing kisses along your jaw.
You anchor yourself using his shoulders, moving slowly on him, hitting all those spots inside you as he helps you to move. His hands on your waist, he leans down to suck your collarbone. A gasp escapes you, your face morphing in pleasure when he starts bouncing you on his cock. He catches your lips in a hungry kiss, muffling the loud whimpers you are making.
Before long, you feel his left hand brushing against your clit. He rolls it between his thumb and index finger, the pleasure coil in your lower belly tightening as he stimulates you just perfectly.
“You’re gonna cum for me again, huh?” His growl is covered up by your loud moan, your cunt fluttering around his dick. “Such a good girl, always listening to me.”
Jeon Jungkook ;
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“Jungkook—” You whimper, looking at him through dazed eyes as he slides in and out of your pussy, his thrusts deep and hard.
“What is it baby? Tell me.” He kisses you hungrily, his big hands squeezing your breasts. You move your hips to match his pace, his cock touching your cervix with each snap.
“I’m gonna cum again if you keep— doing t-this!” You moan, squeezing his dick with your inner walls. Jungkook smirks at that, placing your legs around his waist and diving right into your cunt with full force. He leans down to lick your left nipple, his pelvis grinding against your clit.
“Is that so? Feeling desperate tonight aren’t we?” His husky voice sends a shiver down your spine. You close your eyes, moaning and whimpering as you feel yourself getting closer to another release.
“Jungkook!” You scream, your cunt pulsating around his cock.
“Fuck!” Jungkook groans, sighing from the feeling of your warm, tight core wrapping him. “You’re such a goddess, taking my cock like that and cumming all over it.”
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Author’s notes :
Thank you so much for reading 🥺🥺❤️❤️!! I really hope that you enjoyed this, please ignore my mistakes/typos it’s 5 am here JSFJKGSFJK 🤡
Likes, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated 🥺💕!! Feedback is always welcome ❤️💫
Do y’all remember me?? Jsgjfhk 😶
Let’s not talk about the fact that I’m posting after a whole month okay?? Jsgjfhk I love you all so so much 😭 thank you so much for being so patient with me 🥺❤️
I’ll try to procrastinate less 🥴 thank you so much once again I hope that you’re taking care ❤️ ily ❤️
💌 permanent taglist :
@moonchildsmoon ; @sweeneyblue1 ; @shykoosworld ; @bangtanolan ; @mikrokosmicjoon ; @btslover3012 ; @itzsavage07 ; @promisable ; @sunkissed725 ; @btsizlyfe ; @wildflower-cth ; @powerpuffsw23 ; @giadalin ; @joonsplants ; @yzkyzkuniverse ; @immortal-imagination ; @aretha170 ; @wt-fxck ; @gee-nee ; @misshale21 ; @imluckybitches ; @hopekookies ; @queenmasterxx ; @knjkitten ; @bethanmari ; @moonkope ; @miinoongi ; @mama-m0chi ; @miriamxsworld ; @lustremyg ; @moonchildaera ; @babygirloreo ; @laurynne5 ; @mochamalik14 ; @sluttguk ; @justsugar ; @imanerdychubbyqueen ; @adventuresinwonderlust ; @wanderfulwandyson ; @nochuel ; @mwitsmejk ; @rjsmochii ; @bigbootyjoonie ; @needingyou2 ; @maichiverse ; @taegiin ; @unicornbabylover ; @agustneeds ; @smutficjunkie ; @softlyjeon ;
2K notes · View notes
breakiebunny · 5 days ago
Spice| KNJ
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summary: you and your colleague don`t see eye to eye, the room for improvement completely goes out of the window when something happens at work that ruins a major career step of your life.
genre: fluff, angst, smut, chef Namjoon, enemies to lovers.
words: 16.4K
warnings: Astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightening) smut, fingering, oral sex (m and f receiving) size kink, flirting, degradation, titty sucking, pet names.
tag: @kookiecrumb​
This was supposed to be posted on Joon`s bday but hey its still september.
It was one of those days when you don’t want to do anything, just lay in bed, watch Netflix and pig out on anything your kitchen offers, preferably cooked but hey who cares. You get up in a particularly grumpy mood this morning, despite being the shitiest morning person, you`re usually quite all right with waking up in the mornings but today was just not cutting it, and to top it all off, you would have to deal Kim Namjoon, your fellow assistant chef and worst nightmare, although he had the same post as you he thought of himself as your boss for some reason. Since day one, he has been nothing but a pain in the ass, annoying and cocky, a know it all, he made it clear that cooking was a hobby of his and this job is just a part of his “Fun hobby.” You enter the grand building through the back door, heading straight for the staff room, changing into your crisp white uniform, maybe cooking will calm you down, it always did and you loved your job, no matter how tiring and demanding it was, you loved every second of it.
“Late again?” you hear the voice of non other than Kim Namjoon, the only thing you hated about your job. You roll your eyes and walk past him, not really wanting to talk to him or just talk in general.
“We really value time here Y/N, maybe you should too.” He says as you reach the door, your grip tightening on the knob, knuckles turning white.
“I would really appreciate if you could please mind your own business and not talk to me, like…at all.” You give him a tight lipped smile and storm outside of the staff room. Today, one of the biggest companies in the country chose your hotel to host their annual company lunch, you wanted it to be perfect, staff was gathering in the hall for a meeting with the executive chef Kim Seokjin, one of the country`s finest chefs.
“Everyone, I`m glad to announce Min Enterprises has chosen Black Lagoon for their annual company lunch, I am confident that we will be able to pull this off like a piece of cake, team work makes the dream work, any questions?” Seokjin claps.
“Chef, is there a special menu or any specific instructions we need to follow?” You ask your notepad ready.
“No, Mr. Min has not informed us of a specific menu so the menu will be what we have already, just make sure everything is in order and gets served to every head on time.” Seokjin tells you.
“If he had something special to tell you, he would’ve told you without you asking.” You hear Namjoon snicker and you feel your blood pressure shooting up a little, but you can`t afford to be mad or lose control, not today, so you decide to glare at him.
“This means I want my best chefs to work extra carefully and in harmony, is that understood?” Jin says and everyone in the room knows who he is talking about, let`s just say you and Namjoon have the reputation of causing a little disturbance.
“Absolutely! But I think you should talk to someone else here chef, who is a little C word.” Namjoon whisper shouts towards Seokjin and he looks at you. This man was getting despicable with each passing day and you were not ready to lose your job and catch a case for seriously injuring him. The broth of hate that bubbles inside you even when Namjoon breathes is not without a reason, you loved your post but you could’ve been the executive chef right now if it wasn’t for him, it was seven months ago, when the Black Lagoon was selected to hold the finest dinner for the government officials. The special guest being a foreign secretary, the staff was buzzing with nerves and so were you, special events were always exciting and a great chance to prove yourself.
“You have shown great potential for what it takes to be the executive chef for our hotel” Hoseok looks at you with a nod. “I`m not saying that we`ll be evaluating you all based on your performance today but that`s exactly what I`m saying.” Hoseok, the hotel manager says, his smile blinding and so was his hint. You grin, determined in your heart that you will get promoted no matter what because you are the best chef here, you will be the executive chef no matter what. The dinner starts in like an hour and you fall behind your schedule because of a mistake Jungkook, the rookie in your kitchen made.
“I messed up chef, I`m so so sorry.” He`s on the verge of tears as you examine the ruined sauce in the pot.
“No, hey it`s fine, look at me, no time to panic, we`ll fix it, let me help you.” Your voice determined. Jungkook sniffles and nods. You still had to scale the angelfish and take out each and every bone, it was the main course today. Your hands shake a little at the thought of messing this night up.
“Chef, you can go help him, I will get the fish ready.” You hear Namjoon offer with a reassuring hand on your shoulder.
“You sure?” you ask in a hurry, not wanting to waste any time further.
“Yes, go, we don’t have time.” He ushers you and you jog over to the sauce station with Jungkook. This sauce had no hope left for it, so make a new one on the spot, which takes about twenty minutes.
“Stir, don’t stop and turn off the heat after five minutes exact! No covering the pot.” You instruct Jungkook.
“Yes chef!” he bellows and you jog over to your station, the fish already placed there, clean and ready to cook, you start your work, happy that everything went perfectly fine even if there was a little accident, thankfully it was handled on time. The dinner got served and you were in the staff room, exhausted but happy with today, you were absolutely sure that today was the day your dreams come true. You were done for the day so you decide to change into your clothes but then someone knocks on the door.
“Y/N, Manager Jung is calling you.” You see Jihyo`s head popping from the door, she was pale and her voice shaked as she spoke making the smile fall from your lips.
“What happened? Is everything okay?” you shoot up from the bench and go to her. She was pale and her hands were cold as ice when you hold them.
“The fish Y/n, it had a bone.” She whispers horrified and you feel as if someone kicked you in the stomach, the sinking feeling burning your insides, a mistake like this can damage the reputation of the hotel and a mistake like this on a special night like this can absolutely ruin the name which was made after decades of hard work by the founders of the hotel.
“Bone? It can`t be.” Your voice betrays you, her words finally settling in.
“I don’t know Y/n, there was a bone and now Mr. Jung wants to see you.” Jihyo`s eyes were glistening at this point. You don’t say another word and head to the manager`s office. The door opens and you are met with a very disappointed Hoseok, the guest was nice enough to laugh the situation off but that little accident meant no executive position for you, not this year at least if you are lucky and that`s how Jin became your superior. You get out of the office with tears in your eyes, all your hard work, your dreams and ambitions were crushed and it was all because you trusted Namjoon. You sniffle, your tears now uncontrollable. The hallways empty because tonight the hotel was reserved for the special event only.
“Y/N, I`m sorry…I know…” you hear Namjoon behind you and your blood boils at the sound, without  thinking you grab the fresh tulip decoration vase from the table and throw it at him, he dodges it quickly causing the vase to hit a wall behind him, the water from the flowers sprinkling on him a little, the beautiful flowers laying on the ground among the thousand tiny fragments of glass.
“Hey!” Namjoon yelps.
“Why would you do this to me?” your voice comes out in a whisper.
“I didn’t do it on purpose Y/N, I`m sorry.” He tries to take a step close to you but you back away.
“Sorry? A tiny little bone has called me incompetent Namjoon! Do you even know how hard I worked for this night? And you!” the storm inside you was finally breaking free, Namjoon standing with his eyes low, he knew he messed up but it was not on purpose, why would he do such a thing to you? You didn’t deserve it.
“You ruined everything, my dream, a major career step, you ruined it all for me.” Your energy levels back to your feet as you mumble, tears running down your cheeks like a stream.
“I`m so sorry Y/N, Please…” Namjoon`s voice shakes.
“I don’t want to listen to anything Namjoon but please never ever talk to me again, we don’t exist for each other anymore.” You wipe your tears and storm past him, leaving the poor boy disheveled and absolutely distraught. It was a huge deal for you and Namjoon knew that by now, he felt terrible that you almost lost your job and promotion because of him because he offered to help you and he had no other intention, he was careful too but he can`t understand how the bone got left in the fish.
This was the start of your distaste for Namjoon, you couldn’t care less about whether he did it on purpose or not, the point was he did it, you trusted him with your special night and he shredded that trust into pieces, maybe you were being immature but you don’t care because he was not the one who worked extra hours and weekends to add to your credit while he was out with the rest drinking the night away, he didn’t have a little sister who wanted money to go to college, your promotion meant a bonus and a pay raise and he took it from you.
Everything was going well, the heads had already ordered, everything was in order and on schedule.
“Chef, Mr. Min`s girlfriend ordered something we don’t have on our menu tonight, sea food special.” The waiter comes in looking a little worried. “And some others would also like to try it, she is a fan of our sea food specials.” He completes.
“Y/n, Namjoon, get on it ASAP!” you hear Jin yell out and you stride towards the little note that hung on the counter, snatching it you see “Tasmanian salmon fillet with dutch carrot puree.”
“This bitch, how hard is it choose from a menu you already have?” you mutter as Namjoon appears next to you.
“Okay, let`s go, salmon, fillet cut, skin on.” You announce as you get carrots, ready to chop them off. The night went off with you and Namjoon preparing more Tasmanian salmon fillets and carrot puree than your actual menu, everyone fell in love with the light and refreshing dish, maybe that`s what the hot shots of the city needed after a busy week, something easy on the tummy as they wine and dine, complimenting the chef or in this case chefs. The night was a huge success, it was your major dinner night after the incident seven months ago and this one made you a star, the staff were really happy as they congratulated you two for saving the night, sea food specials are not prepared or even prepped for on the normal evenings so it was hard getting it ready on a very small notice and the staff were the people who witnessed you losing confidence in yourself that night and basically a mess, so watching you get back in your element was quite a sight for them. You all decided to celebrate the night in the staff room with peanuts and lots and lots of soju.
“We make a really good team, don’t you think?” Namjoon says, the dimple popping in his cheek.
“I wouldn’t say that, we just work well together.” You shrug, your mood so much better than it was in the morning.
“Um, isn’t that the same thing dumbo?” Namjoon chuckles and you roll your eyes, ready to turn away.
“Hey, is this any way of treating your lovely partner? Come on let`s drink.” He drags you over to the soju table, his force not even letting you speak. You watch him pour two shots, handing you one.
“TO US!” he shouts and you cringe.
“Come on say it, you know we saved the night, together.” He smirks and you deflate, he was right, you two did it together and you couldn’t deny the fact Namjoon was one of the best chefs you had the chance to work with.
“To us.” You clink your shot with his, a small smile on your face which puts a grin on Namjoon`s as he downs the shot, watching you do the same. In an hour, almost everyone is drunk out of their asses, thank god there was no work tomorrow or no one would be able to come with that kind of hangover. You were a little tipsy, so was Namjoon, he was trying to make a small talk with you all night to which you replied with equally awkward answers, at the end of conversation both of you ended up sitting against a wall.
“Y/N, you need a ride, I called an uber, isn’t your sister alone?” Jihyo slurs a little.
“No, I`m fine, she left for college yesterday remember?” you remind her and her mouth open in a shape of o as she remembers what you told her yesterday. Your little sister finally went to college, it took you and her to work overtime, you even worked an extra job to pay her admission fee but it was all worth it, she was happy and so were you, you helped her put her life on a track and you hope she gets the hang of it as she goes further. Jihyo nods and heads out with some others so you don’t have to worry about her getting home safe, Jungkook was not big drinker, he was sober.
“Be safe y`all.” You yell after them.
“We will, are you okay Y/N Noona?” you see Jungkook`s cute little head peaking through the door.
“Yes I`ll be fine Jungkook, thank you” you smile at him which he returns with equal warmth.
“This kid has the biggest crush on you.” Namjoon scoffs as soon as Jungkook head disappears.
“What? No.” you can`t help but correct him.
“Yes he does, why else does he look so troubled leaving you alone like that and to be honest it`s not even that, he`s just always on your tail like some duckling.” He laughs lazily, definitely a little tipsy.
“That`s because he`s my junior and right now he saw me with you, we don’t exactly…hang out…you know.” You try to put it out for him in the nicest way possible and you think you succeeded.
“Hm could be, but darling trust me I know how men work.” He leans in a little closer, hot breath brushing against your clothed shoulder and the skin of neck, you are affected by it, your breathing picking up and you blame the soju.
“Yeah maybe but he`s not like that, he`s a nice kid, nothing like men.” You say the last line eyeing him up and down.
“Why, you`re a pretty lady, I would love to look at you a certain way, hey! In my defense I have eyes.” He smirks, his dragon eyes looking coy, a stark contrast to his cocky demeanor right now.
“You`re talking too much tonight aren’t you Namjoon?” you chuckle. “Didn’t know you were a lightweight”
“You haven’t really gotten the chance to know me baby.” He whispers against your ear, plump lips almost touching the sensitive skin of your ear, your entire being lights up with goosebumps.
“And I`d like to keep it that way.” You manage to say that to his face without squeaking and you mentally high five yourself for that, this guy was definitely attractive and confident about it too, and in your defense just like he had said, you had eyes, it was impossible to say that you didn’t find him handsome, his tall, thick, well built frame was enough to send you in a frenzy and the amount of soju in your system was not helping at all.
“You have a sister?” he asks out of the blue, breaking you out of your daze, voice soft as compared to his usual gruff and deep one. He backs away resting his head on the wall you two were sitting against, his body still close enough to radiate its comforting warmth on yours.
“Yeah why?” you find yourself replying, there was no way you could’ve spent this much time with him sober, you kinda thank the soju.
“Nothing really, just asking.” He shrugs, so that`s what you meant when you yelled at him not understanding responsibilities seven months, honestly he`s not gonna lie he thought you were being a little over dramatic, it was a mistake, it can happen we all are human beings but now, Namjoon felt sorry for thinking that way, that night had to go well for you to get promoted, for you to take care of your sister. Now that she`s in college, he wonders, how you managed to do all of that by yourself? The sense of respect he was suddenly feeling towards you was strong enough to tackle you in a hug or beg for your forgiveness on his knees but he stays glued to the ground, head still against the wall.
“I`m sorry Y/N” he whispers so quiet you almost miss it.
“Huh?” you respond, the silence was comfortable enough to make you sleepy, Namjoon`s warm presence also helping.
“For what happened that night, I never did it on purpose, I…I made a mistake that cost you so much, you are an ambitious woman, this matters to you so much I can tell, you`re not an idiot like me working here just to prove a stupid point to my parents.” He turns towards you and you do the same, his head hanging low, knees brushing against yours.
“You know what? It`s okay.” you say with a smile, a huge stone that was weighing down on your heart all this time lifting up instantly, Namjoon`s eyes shoot up to meet your drunk ones.
“Oh god, this is not a good time, you`re smashed.” He looks at you like you were some alien.
“No, I hope not, I hear you loud and clear, yes you are an idiot and yes I forgive you, I...have been too hard on you Namjoon really, you offered to help me out of the goodness of your heart, that mistake was just meant to happen, it did and everything worked out just fine for me, I`m happy now and I don’t want hold a grudge, it`s tiring to be honest.” You pat his shoulder and his eyes widen as saucers at that, he couldn’t believe his ears, he didn’t picture this going too well for him really, he was waiting for everyone to leave tonight so that he can apologize to you properly, he had prepared himself, his ears and his ego to take your blows and insults like a champ and maybe some chairs thrown at him, he was ready for it all but what was happening right now, at this very moment was way out of the scope of his imagination. You actually listened to him, talked to him and most important of all forgave him.
“Are you sure you`re okay?” he asks, his huge hand landing on your forehead to check your temperature, you bat it away.
“What do you mean? Did you want me to flog you or something?” you laugh, head thrown back against the wall, Namjoon gulps at the way the thin silver chain shine on your smooth skin, he noticed it for the first time and he didn’t ever want to forget it.
“No but if that`s what you`re into, I can find a way around that, I don't judge.” He smirks, eyebrows cocked suggestively and you hit his chest with the back of your hand.
“Don’t make me regret forgiving you.” You roll your eyes and he laughs, voice a little squeaky from the rough liquid and salty peanuts.
“No but really, I`m sorry for making you feel like shit for helping me, you were trying to be nice and I just went off on you, it was stupid now that I think back about it. Everyone should be allowed to make mistakes you know, I`m dumb sometimes but I was scared, hope you understand.” You don’t look him in the eyes, hands playing with a stray peanut on the floor.
“I get it” he whispers. “Wow that`s a relief really! You are so cool and I didn’t want to keep fighting with you. Friends?” he grins, his cute dimples popping again as he extends his hand for you to take.
“I wouldn’t go that far, no.” you smirk.
“Okay fine” he rolls his eyes. “Decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each other on sight, especially this one.” He points at you, eyes squinting in mischief.
“Yes, that`s so much better.” You giggle, taking his soft hand in yours, his long fingers wrapped around the entirety of your smaller one, you gulp when he squeezes your hand in his hoping he doesn’t notice.
“Okay, I think I`ll head out now.” You tell him already getting ready to stand up.
“Want me to come with?” he asks softly, his hand still holding yours, thumb rubbing circles on the base of your thumb but you don’t pay it any mind.
“N-no, I don’t live that far away actually, I`ll be fine, thank you.” You smile, pulling your hand out of his soft yet firm grasp, your skin already missing the feeling.
“Oh okay, good night then.” Namjoon clears his throat as you stand up to get your coat and bag, you turn around to see him trying to lay down on the little bench, it was definitely not for getting comfortable and definitely not for him, his tall frame spilling out of the small space, he looked crumpled up on it.
“Namjoon, aren’t you going home?” you can`t help but ask.
“Uh no, it`s a long story but I`ve been crashing at my friend Yoongi`s house for a while now but his parents are visiting tonight and they`ll be spending the night so I have nowhere to go.” He sits up, eyes not meeting yours, you can tell he felt a little uncomfortable sharing this information with you so you decide not to push him further and just nod.
“Oh, but you can`t sleep here Namjoon, you`ll end up folded like an origami if you maintain that previous position.” You chuckle and he laughs, pearly whites on display.
“Yeah  but…” he shrugs.
“You can come to mine.” You blurt out and Namjoon chokes on his spit, controlling himself at once.
“If you want to of course, you just don’t seem comfortable here, I`m sorry if I…” you ramble and he laughs.
“Sweetheart you don’t have to be sorry for taking me back to your place.” He smirks and you feel your cheeks getting hot at his words.
“You know what forget it, you and your giant ass can sleep here.” You huff putting on your coat making Namjoon laugh on your cutely scrunched up nose.
“Hey hey Y/N wait” he rushes to you as you turn towards the door, a huge hand closing on your forearm, shooting beams of electricity through your entire arm, his hand felt warm even over the thick fabric of your coat and you sigh. “I was just joking, thank you so much for the offer and I would like to accept it, if you are really okay with it?” he says softly, the proximity of his voice indicating that he is just behind your back his face almost brushing against the softness of your hair.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.” You almost whisper and he smiles, of course you wouldn’t. The tough and bossy y/n why would you offer him such a thing without meaning it? He felt giddy at the thought of you caring for him and well... his back.
“Let me grab my duffel.” He gives both of your forearms a gentle squeeze that squeezes the breath out of you and hold onto the door for support, thankful that your face was not facing him, wherever this was going it screamed “Trouble” in all caps, red in color and the letters flashing. You walk out of the door not even after ten seconds, Namjoon strides to appear next to you.
“Do we have to take a cab or something?” Namjoon asks shoving his hands in his coat pocket.
“If you want to, but I always walk home, it’s not that far.” You look up at him.
“Okay, let`s walk.” He shrugs.
The walk comprised of Namjoon asking “How far?” and you mentally thanked the lord when you reached your door.
“Phew, I`m dead, can`t feel my legs.” He pants dramatically, hands on his knees as bends and you can`t believe your eyes, a six foot tall guy, well built too is unfit for a walk like this? Or maybe he`s just acting.
“Are you kidding me right now?” you laugh, still looking at him in disbelief.
“Was this your plan little lady?” he straightens up to his full height, the dramatic breathing came to a halt and a rather cocky expression adorning his beautiful face.
“Huh?” you blurt out finding your keys in your bag and opening the door, Namjoon behind you.
“Walk me all the way here and then murder me in your house?” he says casually and you laugh, the guy sure is funny or maybe he was serious.
“Yeah Namjoon cause I haven’t watched a single episode of criminal minds.” You snort and the corners of his mouth turn up.
“And I think I should be the scared one here, you can easily yeet me to another dimension.” Your eyes narrow as you shrug off your coat. “Or are you telling me that you can`t handle a little lady like myself?” you smirk, eyes not leaving his. You were never the one for intense eye contact, it made your skin crawl but Namjoon`s eyes were so mesmerizing, you couldn’t look away even when your soul caught fire every time you met his eyes.
“Oh I can handle you all you want alright.” he says, voice deeper than usual, eyes intense than his usual googly ones and your heart skips a beat or ten as you try to maintain your composure quietly.
“Sleep, you`re talking more non sense than usual.” You try to brush the sting between your legs coolly like you always do, pretending things don’t have an effect on you like a normal human being. Your brows furrow when you see walk towards the couch in your living room.
“Namjoon, if I wanted you to sleep on a something like my couch, I would’ve left you back at the hotel.” You pinch the bridge of your nose.
“Want me in your bed already sweets? How about we save that for the second date?” Namjoon looks so proud of his little joke, you can`t help the way your stomach erupts in butterflies, the corners of your mouth turning upwards, having a mind of their own.
“No hotshot, you can sleep in my sister`s room, it`s all empty anyways but there`s a bed and that`s what matters.” You point to the door behind you, not sure how long can you last under his drunk gaze, you were not drunk and he was not as well, you could tell but why was he flirting with you? Or were you getting ahead of yourself? The know it all, cocky, almost assholish Kim Namjoon can`t be flirting with you.
“Of course, a good bed does matter.” He snorts, long fingers come up to brush against his chin delicately almost in an attempt to control his bubbling laughter.
“Seriously how old are you?” you rub your eyes with the heels of your palms, the rub satisfying but it was mostly to hide your blushing face.
“Old enough to make you…” Namjoon starts as you point a finger in his direction making him stop instantly.
“I dare you to complete that sentence Kim Namjoon and then watch me as I throw water on you and then kick you out of my house to freeze your ass on the streets, where you belong by the way, absolutely filthy, what happened to you?” you scrunch your face up in disgust pretending to be disgusted by his forwardness tonight but every atom of your being was on fire just from his careless words and how he delivered them.
“And you were never so judgy, what happened to you?” he pouts and you feel yourself melt, maybe you were drunk cause why else would want to squish Namjoon`s cheeks together right now. You were definitely drunk but the thing is…you were not.
“You don’t know me Joonie.” You sing song as you turn towards your room, realizing the slip of your tongue as you walk, joonie something almost everyone in the staff call him, you squeeze your eyes shut hoping he doesn’t point it out and tease you about it for the half an hour and punch the air mentally when he doesn’t, maybe he`s too sleepy to respond, he was not, you calling him joonie made his heart do a cartwheel, he was glued to the ground, heart beating fast and an unusual fondness took over his senses for the pet name he never really cared for, it sounded special in your voice, your soft and magical voice. He wants to hear it again in more than one ways and he was almost scared admitting that to himself.
You wake up with a light headache, nothing draining just a light pang and you were thankful for it. The weather outside looking gloomy, it`ll rain probably.You head to the kitchen to get something to feed your growling stomach as well as a much needed painkiller before this pang escalates into something horrible. You jump when you see hear some shuffling in the kitchen, mind at ease when you remember the events of last night and how Namjoon ended up at your place, after admitting that you don’t want to hold any grudge against him when all he did was to help you was life changing to the point that even your sober mind didn’t mind Namjoon`s presence in your house.
“Good morning.” You mumble, all your movements coming to a halt when you see Namjoon stuffing frosted cereal into his mouth, his cheeks full, eyes wide as he stops mid munch.
“Good morning” he says with his mouth full, crunching down on the crunchy sweetness rapidly to swallow.
“Just needed uh…something sweet.” He scratches the back of his neck.
“Oh it`s fine, I`m not going to kick you out to starve Namjoon, help yourself with anything, want coffee?” you walk over to your trusty coffee machine, turning to ask him if he wants some.
“Uh yeah sure.” He replies softly, god his morning voice almost wasn’t comprehensible because of how deep it was making you clutch the mug in your hand until your knuckles turned white. You don’t know how the extra mugs got far up the top shelf, maybe it was your sister, she organized and basically cooked for the two of you at home. Namjoon watches you struggle on your tip toes, your face concentrated in the most cute way, the long shorts blessing his eyes with the smoothness of your legs, he looks away, gulping and not wanting to come off as a creep.
“Let me get it.” He announces.
“No…I…almost got.” Your breath hitches when you feel Namjoon`s hard chest press into your back for a brief moment, his hand brushing over yours that was desperately trying to reach the top shelf, you recoil your hand at the contact and watch him place the mug on the counter in front of you. You expect him to move but he doesn’t, standing so close to you, you can feel the heat radiating from his chest seeping into your back.
“What shampoo do you use?” he husks behind you and you flinch at how close his voice is to your ear, hot puffs of air indicating he leaned down to your height. You hear him inhale and you swear you heart strings were being pulled by the drag of his nose.
“It`s a…um dollar store shampoo.” You manage to squeak, your voice coming out nothing like you wanted it to.
“What flavor?” you don’t miss the way he pushes you a little further against the counter, the movement so delicate you almost miss it because of how overwhelmed you are at the idea of being pressed against your kitchen counter by this hunk of a man.
“P-peonies.” Your voice almost sounds like a whine and you want to drown right here right now. He chuckles, a deep and thick sound that vibrates in his chest and you feel the effects of it on your back.
“Of course, pretty scent on a pretty little lady.” He takes another whiff of your hair and then backs away, going back to his stool like he didn’t just almost squish the life out of you. You hate how you are so affected by this like a teenager who first held hands with a boy or stood close to one for the first time.
“You can take one if you like it so much, it was a gift pack and you are making yourself at home anyways so a shampoo bottle is no big deal.” You manage to speak without your voice cracking, trying desperately to let him know what a badass you are but you are so sure he sees right through you with those gorgeous dragon eyes.
“Nah, I like it better on you, I`ll make sure to smell you often though.” He says with a straight face, hands going in to the cereal box again and you can`t help but let out a wild laugh, the sound so soothing to Namjoon`s ears, his eyes crinkle at the sight of you folding in a laughing fit.
“That sounded weird right?” he mumbles, mouth stuffed with cereal again.
“A little.” Your face was burning partially from the laugh and a lot from his actions. When did the two of you get to the point of making jokes in your kitchen?  “But don’t worry, I`m sure you`ll say something to top it, this will not go down as the weirdest thing you`ve ever said.” You giggle, shaking your head as you turn again to make coffee.
“I hope you`re not right.” He laughs as the thunder rumbles making you jump with a yelp, your feet padding towards him in a hurry, eyes blown out.
“Hey hey, it`s okay sweetheart, it`s just some angry clouds.” His hand comes up to rub your back as you stand next to him, hands curled into fists on your chest, your wild heart calming down because of his soothing rubs on your back.
“I don’t like it when clouds are angry.” You whimper when the lightning flashes again, growling in anger from the sky.
“But we don’t care if they`re angry, we don’t give a damn, we`re just gonna watch a movie and let them be angry, we don’t give a fuck.” Namjoon coos, his warm hands easing the tension in your back.
“We don’t?” you are on the verge of tears at this point, another loud rumble makes you jump.
“Not a single fuck given, we don’t care, say it with me.” He makes you face him.
“We don’t…care.” You whisper, eyes shut.
“Good, good, we don’t care.” He repeats in hopes for you to do the same, motioning his free hand up and down on his chest telling you to breath in and out with him.
“We don`t care.” You breath with the movement of his hand, you were in a really good state right now, usually it was you crying in your sister`s lap or crying yourself to sleep during thunderstorms but this was nice, you didn’t cry, not a single tear. You felt safe for some reason. This huge teddy bear of a man providing you all the comfort you need at your vulnerable state. A part of you expected him to laugh at you about it, telling you how ridiculous it is for a grown woman to be scared of lightening like most people think but he proved you wrong with how well he handled this situation.
“Wanna watch a movie hm?” he dips his head low to look at you in the eyes, you nod timidly.
You two walk towards the living room, you watch him turn on the tv.
“Pick something.” He flashes you a dimpled smile and you take the remote from his hand, your hands tremble when you watch him go away from you.
“You…y-ou are not leaving right? It`s…raining a-anyways.” Your nerves heighten making you stutter, you feel the hair on the back of your stand.
“You are not getting rid of me anytime soon doll, I`m just getting a blanket, there`s one in your sister`s room.” He smiles so warmly, you feel your heart growing at the new pet name but decide to act as if it didn’t bother you, the cocky Namjoon was gone and in his place he left this angelic teddy bear, you just wanted to cuddle him so bad but that would be weird, he`d definitely be weirded out. You see him coming back with the baby blue blanket, he opens it up, covering you with it first.
“Thank you.” You smile, which he returns with a dazzling one of his own, the dimples catching your eyes more today, you wanted to poke them every time he spoke, just softly run your finger on the beautiful dent. You didn’t know all it took was just telling him that you don’t really blame him for what happened that night, was he always like this? And you were the cocky bitch? The assholish one? Everyone loves Namjoon so maybe it was you who had a stick up her ass around him, to be honest, he always tried to make small talk with you but you dismissed him every time and rather rudely but you were thankful for last night, who knew handling things like grownups can have its perks. You were experiencing one of those said perks in the form of being able to get to know Namjoon.
“You wanna watch something special?” he asks you.
“No, anything is fine.” Your voice was back, heart a lot better.
“Brooklyn nine nine?” he asks and your ears perk up. Your absolute favorite show. He notices the spark in your eyes at his suggestion.
“I`m guessing you like it.” He chuckles as his hands work on the remote to put on the show.
“I love it Namjoon!” you squeal, his eyes travel back to yours, a fond smile adorning his beautiful full lips as he watches you smile. Even though it was raining outside, he felt as if the sun was rising right in front of his eyes. You were so beautiful; he was feeling so lucky almost privileged to be able to spend time with you like this, considering your only friend was Jihyo at work. You two watch almost the whole season, laughing throughout, you were so glad Namjoon chose this show; it never failed to make you laugh. Namjoon notices the way the blanket keeps slipping off of you because you offered him a big part of it, him being three times bigger, it is not very benefitting for you, even he laughs a little, the blanket slips from you, you don’t notice of course, he can tell you don`t pay it mind so that it doesn’t make him uncomfortable.
“You know they call me the serial cuddler.” His eyes are lazy when he looks over at you, your cheeks flushed from how much you are laughing.
“I`m sure no one calls you that joon.” You giggle, biting your tongue as you press your lips together, calling him joon or joonie felt so intimate and you don’t want to scare him. What you had going on was so precious for this. Namjoon`s heart skips a beat again, he feels heat creeping up to his chest at your soft voice calling him joon, he pushes the thoughts of how different tones and notes would sound when you`ll sing this nick name? he has to physically shake his head to clear his mind of this horny daze, but he can`t help it, he`s been eyeing you ever since he started working with you eight months ago. You were just like you are right now to him for a whole month, nice and friendly, in fact you were his guide to the hotel kitchen and grounds as well, he had a really good time that day until he messed up, the mistake costing him your blooming friendship and maybe the mother of his children. He really liked how feisty you are at work, you take no shit and a brilliant chef, the night he saw you crying, he couldn’t sleep for a whole week. He felt guilty of making someone so strong break down in front of him. You looked so distraught it made his heart ache and this right here, right now, was the moment he wanted to have with you since the day he layed his eyes on you. It was hard to break your walls, the bone incident acting like a permanent adhesive on these walls, but he was happy he was able to break some of them, he was already seeing the dazzling sunlight beam through that was your smile.
“Why don’t you find out? I don’t like to blow my own trumpet.” He rolls his eyes dramatically, arms wide open.
“Really? Cause I`m a sucker for cuddles and if I cuddle you I will for sure turn into a leech that you 100% can`t shake off.” You warn him, your eyes narrowed.
“I don’t think I`d want to shake this pretty leech of me, I like small and cute things.” He smirks, eyes mischievous again.
“Should I be offended at the fact you called me a leech and small?” you roll your eyes.
“I didn’t call you a leech to be fair, you did, two, you are small and I`m not talking it back, three, I also called you cute but of course you don’t notice that.” He raises his eyebrows at you and you look down at your hands.
“Still, you called me a leech and small.” You mumble and he chuckles.
“My arms are numb here darling.” He huffs a small laugh and your eyes shoot up to him, not even realizing he had his arms spread out, open for you to cuddle him. You rush towards his side before stopping.
“Is this…okay?” you hesitate, your hand hovering near his abdomen, ready to snake its way for a good cuddle, or just support your weight on his side.
“Yup, I`m fine if you are.” He shrugs coolly and you realize how stupid you must have sound, two adults can cuddle without making a big deal out of it right, there`s no need to read between the lines here missy, you remind yourself. You slither close to him like some moody house cat desperate for attention but would never ask for it. You cheek is pressed against his hard yet soft chest and you melt instantly at the warmth, he taps your shoulder with his hand, testing waters before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, an action so intimate yet so harmless, his thumb occasionally rubbing on the round of your shoulder and you mentally praise yourself for wearing a shirt that covers the skin of your shoulder. You feel the vibrations from his chest every time he laughs on a joke some character makes on the show, the thunder rumbles after a long time and a small sound slip pass your lips.
“Sssh, it`s okay.” he whispers, lips ghosting your temple as he rubs your shoulder. You can`t pin point the time you fell asleep, the thunder no longer making scared shitless.
You wake up with Namjoon`s phone ringing, sitting up as you rub your eyes.
“Oh shit, sorry to wake you up.” Namjoon clenches his teeth.
“Oh no it`s fine, I`ve slept well, you should straighten up as well.” You yawn, it was perfect nap, dare you say the best one you think you ever had. Your ex was not a big cuddler, he would always wake you up because his arm was asleep. Wait? Why are you comparing Namjoon to your ex? You just realized one thing, a day off is not for you. Your gutter of a brain needs to be occupied with work 24/7 in order for you to stay sane.
“Uh yeah okay, hm, yeah yeah no problem man.” You hear Namjoon say in the kitchen, you throw your head back; it shoots up when you hear Namjoon plopping down on the couch next to you.
“Everything alright?” you ask when you see His eyebrows furrowed together.
“Yeah…no actually, Yoongi`s parents decided to stay longer, so…I have nowhere to go.” He looks down at his hands.
“It`s okay, you can stay here and when his parents go back, you can go back too.” You tell him casually.
“No y/n, I can`t thank you enough for your offer last night, but I really don’t want to be a trouble.” He raises his hands shaking them furiously, his ears turning a shade of light pink.
“Trouble? That you are whether you try or not” you tease and he pouts.
“And I thought we were friends now.” His pout deepens and you giggle.
“Uh uh not friends, what was it again?” you try to remember what he had said last night in the staff room.
. “Decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each other on sight?” he plays like a tape recorder.
“Yes that`s the one.” You grin, a smile breaking on his nervous face.
“I have a spare room Namjoon, I`m okay with it if you are.” You don’t know why you shove his shoulder with yours but you do, he holds your hand instead, squeezing it in his.
“Thank you so much y/n, you`re a life saver.” He thumb rubs your palm, the sensation numbing your entire hand.
“Hey what are decent colleagues who don’t want to kill each on sight for?” you giggle, a nervous sound but you are relieved when he laughs with you. “Yeah” he grins, dimples popping deep into his soft cheeks.
It`s been a week since Namjoon “Moved in” with you, you say this because Yoongi`s parents left after three days but that didn’t stop Namjoon from coming back with you to your house for a movie, he even made you dinner telling you that as a chef he cannot let you indulge in junk, he`ll make you a homemade dinner to which you were utterly and completely thankful, he really did have a gift for cooking and you were lucky to have experience his cooking first hand, especially when he cooks, brows furrowed together, biceps bulging from the half sleeves of his tee shirt, you feel hot even after a shower when he`s around, your heart never seems to catch a break, he was growing on you in the best way possible, his subtle flirting and suggestive puns were making you giggle instead of angry and you knew it was not gonna end well, someone like Namjoon deserves someone like him, you were not gonna try and deny that, he was smart, outgoing, life of the party, smooth talker and just gorgeous all around, you on the other hand were nothing like him, you were awkward, not very smart cue the bone incident you were scared but there was no need to lash out on someone who meant nothing but good with their intentions, a close book, people were never your thing jihyo was probably your only friend and she too has hardly been in your house, you don’t really understand why he was so nice to you and every time he brought you coffee at work and made you dinner, you can`t help but feel the pang of guilt poke your heart, you can`t help but feel what a big bitch you are for treating him this way.
“Y/N, are you listening?” Namjoon`s mellow voice jerks you out to the real world.
“Uh yes yes.” You look at him and then back to your plate, tonight`s dinner: shrimp alfredo still untouched, the shrimp pieces gathered in one place, you did it while in your little trance.
“I said I can whip up something else for you if you don’t feel the alfredo tonight.” He repeats what he had said and you missed.
“Oh no no, I love it, thank you so much joonie.” You shove a fork full inside your mouth, as usual it was bussin, you don’t know what else to say, the taste melting in your mouth effortlessly.
“I love it when you call me joonie.” He looks down in his plate.
“Everyone calls you joonie, joonie.” You gulp down some wine.
“Yes, but I love it when you call me that.” He challenges, this time eyes not leaving yours as he sips on his wine.
“Noted.” You raise you glass to him and he clinks it with soft smile.
“Can I crash here?” he asks after a few moments.
“Why do you even ask now?” you chuckle.
“Oh shut up, you love me.” He smirks, pouring some more wine in your glass.
I do, that`s what you wanted to say, you don’t even if it`s true but one thing was for sure, you loved when he stayed over, you loved every second you got to spend with him and you were thankful you never had to work an excuse to make him stay, he did it all by himself, making you punching the air in your room when you realize he`s snoring loudly in the room next to yours.
“I hate you, absolutely loathe you.” The corners of your mouth turning upwards let him know that it’s far from the truth, Namjoon will not test his luck and say you loved him but one thing was for sure, the wall you were hiding behind from him, he had managed to bulldoze through it, ready to leap on your tender heart.
“Oh honey, but I love you.” He winks at you, and you can`t help but squeeze your thighs together under the table, his words sending pulses to your heart and his wink sending heat to your core, you were in trouble, big trouble for sure.
“So is your house being my renovated or something or do you love me and Yoongi a little too much?” you chuckle taking a swig of the red and sweet liquid but your smile drops when you see your question swiped Namjoon`s dazzling one off his face.
“My father gave me my apartment on my birthday.” He whispers, wine swirling in his glass.
“I don’t want to live in it, I can`t…” he looks so sad all of a sudden, his cute dimples nowhere in sight.
“Namjoon, you don’t have to tell me anything, I love when you stay over, please don’t misunderstand, sorry I asked.” You reach for his hand, your fingers closing around his, your thumb rubbing over the backs of his four fingers.
“I know buttercup, but I want someone to listen to me, can you listen to me please, I can`t hold it all in anymore.” He pleads, his hand was turning cold, his eyes were glassy, you could tell whatever the situation was, it was eating at his heart. You feel hurt at the sight of him getting hurt, you lace your fingers with his.
“Of course I`ll listen joon.” You squeeze his hand and feel him visibly relax.
“You want to get more comfortable for this? Cuddle maybe Mr. serial cuddler?” you ask him softly, your soft voice was honey dripping down his ears and senses.
“Mhmm.” He nods sniffling, he looks so cute right now you stop yourself from cooing out loud.
“Wait for me in the living room, I`ll put these out and make your favorite chamomile tea, it`ll make you feel better.” You rub the round of his shoulder and he nods with a little smile, his feet drag him to the living room, you pop the dishes into the dishwasher while the kettle boils for the tea, you walk to the living room, two mugs of tea in your hand.
“Here you go” you hand him his mug, a green one with a frog on it, it has been his mug for the past two weeks.
“Thank you.” He croaks.
“Okay, I`m all ears, give it to me.” You plop down next to him, he smiles at you, thank god you don’t go another ten  minutes without seeing these gorgeous dents in his cheeks or else you would yank out your hair. You find yourself smiling at him smiling.
“Okay, so my parents and I are not on good terms, especially my dad, my mom sometimes meet me in the coffee shop I like, I can`t say no to her.” He smiles at the thought of his mother.
“Why, what happened?” you ask, suddenly remember when he had told you that he worked at the hotel to prove a point to his parents.
“My dad is the owner of Kim Industries and groups, he wants me to work for him, for the family business and I have nothing against him or his work, its just not my thing, I don’t vibe with that work y/n, I like cooking, I like peeling potatoes and skinning chickens and marinating meat, cry when I cut onions, I like when I smell like all kind of spices when I leave the kitchen, I love my work, so I left when he told me to choose between my “Stupid job” and him, I left, I left without even saying goodbye like an asshole, left the apartment he gifted me on my birthday as well.” He looks at you when he finishes, a deep sigh letting you know that he feels good after letting it all out, you hope he feels light after his rant.
“And do you feel happy after leaving him? Are you satisfied?” you ask him, voice soft as ever as you hold his hand in your lap, the palm warm because he was previously holding the tea mug in it. He thinks for a few seconds about it.
“No, I feel terrible, I hate it, I love my parents I hate myself for doing this to them, I have them intact in the back of my mind each and every second.” His voice cracks and so does your heart. The smiley, funny, dorky Kim Namjoon was being vulnerable for once and you didn’t know how to handle that.
“Then talk to them, I know it’s what everyone says but joon that`s the only way really, confrontation, telling them how much your work, your hobby means to you, tell them you`re not playing around and I promise you they`ll understand, you dad will understand, you`re his son, his blood and blood is thicker than his business or his wish to have you working for his business. He`s a father , he just wants the best for you Namjoon, the least you can do is to talk to him, tell him you love him and that you will truly be happy if you worked as a chef rather than a businessman, maybe you won`t be as successful as him but you`ll be happy and you`ll have no one to blame for your grumpiness when you are old.” His eyes don’t leave yours, a tear streams down his cheek and you wipe it away with your thumb and in the next second you are squished back into the couch, Namjoon tackling you like a big puppy.
“Thank you so much y/n, thank you thank you.” He mumbles against your neck, squeezing the life out of you in the process. You feel something wet on your neck, he was crying.
“Sshhh, it`s okay, you`ll make it right, right?” you rub his back and he nods into your neck sniffling. He shifts to get more comfortable taking you with him, his face buried in your neck, the beating of your heart and your soft hands on his back lull him to sleep, you don’t wake him up, your arm is all needles and pins but you don’t move, he looks so peaceful to disturb.
Namjoon promised you Indian food tonight, despite you telling him that the intense spices will leave the whole house smelling like them for weeks, he insisted on having Indian food tonight, you gave in of course, you liked Indian food and…him, but where was he? Both your shifts were coming to an end as you were wiping down your shelves and counters. You look over to Namjoon`s station, so used to him being there blowing you a kiss or passing a wink your way when he caught you staring at him but nothing today, he was not there in the past hour and you are bitter about it not sure why but you are not feeling your best right now.
“Hey mark, have you seen Namjoon?” you ask mark, he`s a waiter and he just came in, you hope maybe he`s seen him outside the kitchen.
“Uh yeah, I just saw him get in a Mercedes with a hot chick, really nice legs by the way, I know that because I see hundreds of pairs of legs every day.”  Mark flaunts his chatty nature and you regret asking him in the first place.
“Okay, thank you mark.” You force a smile in hopes of shooing him away, he does go away, but the bitter feeling in your stomach rises up to your mouth. A hot chick with nice legs? Why do you feel so sad about this? She could be a friend right? Are they out for dinner? But you were gonna cook Indian dinner tonight right? You don’t feel good, sick is the word you would use right now.
“I`m heading out jihyo.” You grab your bag, not even bothering to change in the staff room.
“Hey noona, want to go out for drinks with me and…jihyo noona?” Jungkook adds quickly scratching the back of his neck.
“No kookie, I already feel sick right now, drinks is not a good idea, thank you though.” You smile at him and he nods quickly.
“Okay no problem, take care, drink some green tea, it helps me with when I`m sick.” He suggests sweetly making you smile at him more.
“Okay, I will.” You tell him, not sure how to tell him that this sickness is not going to go away with any tea or medicine, it was sickness that can be cured with a person, specifically Namjoon.
The more you walk towards your house and the more you think about Namjoon and his possible date tonight, the more you find yourself being the stupid one. Namjoon was not yours, there was no stamp on him that said “Return to y/n”, he was a free man, he could do whatever he wanted to, he was nice to you, slept in your house for a few weeks and suddenly you have the audacity to think he`s your husband or something, of course he ditched your shitty couch and your sister`s creaking bed when he had the chance to, of course he`s gonna wine and dine in some expensive restaurant rather than pigging out on Indian food he has to prepare with you bossing him around, of course he left in a Mercedes with a hot chick instead of coming back to you who smells like soap and fish right now and you make him walk to your house, of course, everything makes sense now, that`s just the life Namjoon has lived all his life and the life he is used to living, him being nice to you is nothing but him being nice and an angel of a man, you want to punch yourself in the throat for even thinking he might like you. You were never likable then what made you think any different now. You can never make people stay for just you then what made you think he would. Your heart was breaking at the realization, but there wasn’t a tear in your eyes because all of this was true. You were not anything special and honestly you`ve been okay with it, not everyone is special and you knew that what you didn’t know was that it would hurt like a bitch when Namjoon finds out you`re nothing special, and you think tonight he did find out.
You walk into your empty house, throwing the bag on the ground with a thud, your stomach churns, you were so excited to cook together with Namjoon that you didn’t eat anything properly, wanting to completely crazy on the spicy Indian food he`ll give you. You look around for something to eat, just ingredients no food. You grab a plum from your fruit bowl and take a bite that bite being a trigger for some sort for your tear ducts, tears streaming down your face like a waterfall as you ugly cry still holding the plum between your lips. You finish the plum with a good cry, your heart feeling washed of the bitter feeling but there`s still a pain in your heart. The door bell rings and you look up, who could it be at this hour? You sniffle, grabbing some tissue to dab your eyes and cheeks. You open the door to see Namjoon standing there with some grocery bags in his hands.
“You left early sweetpea, not cool, I had to get all the stuff for our dinner tonight, you`re peeling onions.” Namjoon fakes his annoyance as he walks past you with heavy bags in his hands, going straight for your kitchen. You look at him like he was a ghost, your own complexion drained of any color and you don’t whether it`s because of the extreme excitement to see him at your door or what you will tell him when he`ll see your swollen eyes. You don’t him to think you were jealous.
“Buttercup, I was joking you don’t need to chop onions, I know how much you hate…” he comes back to see you glued to the same spot.
“Why didn’t you change?” he asks softly and you gulp.
“Y/n were you crying?” he rushes to you, his hands holding your elbows.
“N-no, no” you try make your voice stronger but fail miserably.
“Yes, you were, your eyes are all red, your face is swollen.” He rubs your cheek.
“Hey!” you fake annoyance “thanks for telling me how bad I look.” You giggle, wanting to change the topic.
“Never, you never look bad, if anything you look cuter right now.” He chuckles, his hands rubbing your elbows through your uniform.
“Yeah yeah, good one after a great blow straight to my heart.” You joke trying to pull away from him. “I reek, I should go change.” You try to walk past him but he stops you, this time his hold a little tight on your elbows.
“Darling, I asked you why you were crying and I think you know me enough to know that I will not let you go until you tell me.” His words come out in a hushed whisper and you feel the shivers running down your legs.
“I was hungry and I thought you ditched me and I had no food to eat, I…I cry when I`m hungry.” You muster up your best lying face, technically it was not a lie, just not the whole truth. He laughs, a big hearty laugh that makes your heart smile.
“Aww you`re so cute.” He brushes away the strand of stray hair that stuck to your cheek. You huff trying to walk past him, but he holds you in place, he ducks down to your height, so that he looks into your red and swollen eyes better.
“And here I was getting ahead of myself, thinking you might be jealous, oh well a guy can dream right?” his eyes bore into your soul and you can`t maintain eye contact anymore.
“Jealous? Pff no way.” You nervously laugh.
“How do you know what I`m talking about?” he smirks and you feel glass shattering in your brain, you stupid hoe, what do you do this?
“I… I…” you can`t decide on words.
“She was my cousin, she`s visiting us for some days…with her husband.” He says, smiling when he sees your eyes shoot up to him not missing the little glow in them at his words, his eyes roam down to your lips watching you bite down on the lower one lightly.
“Oh” you laugh, a guttural laugh, mainly at your fast imagination and stupid brain.
“Right right…cool, you don’t have to explain, I`m not…” you ramble but it cuts off in the middle when you feel his lips pressed on yours, you turn into mush at once, Namjoon notices as he gathers you up in his arms pressing you into him, his lips were so soft and pillowy you were getting hooked on them for sure, you feel him lick your bottom lip asking for an entrance which you allow in a heartbeat, his tongue tastes like coffee and you`re afraid you might not like drinking coffee from a mug after this, it was too addicting, he breaks the kiss with a loud pop, leaving you panting with jelly legs, he chuckles when sees you drunkenly follow his lips, which earns you a quick peck on yours. You were disappointed to say the least.
“Go change and I`ll get started on the dinner, silly girl, you really thought I would ditch you, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He gives you one last sweet and loud peck on the cheek that has you scrunching your nose in pure happiness. You don’t say anything, the walk to your room felt like you were walking on the clouds, the foolish drunken grin not falling from your face.
“He kissed me?” you touch your lips with a smile in the shower, the hot water running down your body.
“He kissed me.” You squeal, careful not to slip in the shower.
You two were walking home, crazy how you don’t see it as your home now, Namjoon just made a place for him in your heart and in your house alike, he barely went back to his place, even after he got his own place, he`s still found in your living room watching movies with you making you food and munching on your frosted cereals, you buy it for him now to be honest.
“I talked to my parents.” He stops to tell you. You look at him proudly. That takes a lot of courage, as children we all want to be the best kids possible for our parents, doing what they want so that they can see us worthy of something and telling them what you want and its something they don’t want for you takes guts.
“Really, oh my god joonie I`m so proud of you.” You pull him in a hug, squeezing him all you wanted making him giggle at your futile tries.
“It`s all because of you, you made me think about it, thank you y/n.” he holds you close, friends don’t hold friends this close to their face right? You didn’t wanted to be his friend, your thoughts were getting way too wild for him to be just your friend, friends don’t peck each other`s lips briefly before leaving for bed, so what were you exactly? You were not brave enough to ask him and ruin what you had.
“No, it`s all you, I`m so glad you finally decided to talk to them, how do you feel?” you smile up at him, brushing back the hair on his forehead, feeling him lean into your touch.
“Great, I feel so light and just… great!” he grins, dimples pop and now you have the privilege of poking them.
“I`m so happy to hear that, you deserve to feel great.” You poke at his dimples with both your index fingers and his smile widens.
“You know, If you like my dimples so much, you should be kind enough and get some for your children, I`ll be happy to volunteer.” He holds both of your hands, yanking you forward to crash into him with full force, chest to chest.
“What do you say dovey?” he places your hands in his hair, your fingers moving on muscle memory, playing with the smooth strands, he still doesn’t let go of your wrists.
“No, ew!” you giggle, hoping he doesn’t hear the heartbeat you`re hearing in your ears.
“Oh baby, but think about your kids, they`ll be the cutest with cute little dimples.” His eyes scan your features; you busy yours in his hair to avoid his intense yet loving gaze.
“Don’t threaten me with cute little dimples, I might say yes.” You joke.
“Please do.” He deadpans.
“You`re way too much Casanova, let`s go before we freeze out here, you break free of his grasp, he lets you otherwise you are in no way able to break free from him. Your face is on fire so you hike up the collar of your coat your face.
“You never told me how it went?” you walk past him, he walks next to you again.
“Dad listened to me y/n, he really listened for the first time in my life when I was pouring my heart out to him, mom was crying as usual, she thought I came to say goodbye forever, she`s emotional like that.” He laughs, you notice he`s too fond of his mother which makes him more cute to you for some reason.
“That`s amazing.” You smile at him and returns it.
“I invited them to come to our hotel for dinner tomorrow and Dad said yes!” he stops again to squeeze your forearms in excitement, his puffy jacket was making him look like a giant cuddly teddy bear.
“Oh my god  you idiot! You didn’t tell me the best part!” you whine, jumping up and down with him.
“You were too busy asking to be my children`s mom.” He says while jumping, this earns him a flick on the forehead.
“Ouch!” he winces, rubbing his forehead with a pout on his face. Your grin doesn’t falter. You were so happy for him, he looked so happy after seeing his parents and you were glad you were there to see it.
“I`m planning on serving them a full Korean meal, what do you think?” he asks you already excited and a little nervous for tomorrow night.
“I think you should let them order what they want, if it`s Korean food then be it, but I think they would just be excited to see their son in his zone, in his element you know, don’t worry.” You reassure him and he smiles at you like you`re a shooting star and he will miss it passing by if he blinks.
“Okay” he whispers.
The night was here, Namjoon`s special night, his night to prove to his dad how much he loves his work.
“You wanna see them, they`re here” Namjoon grins at you once he came back into the kitchen, you nod. He takes your hand and leads you towards the door that connects the dining hall with the kitchen, he pushes you towards the door closing in on you from behind, his head hovering over your shoulder as he points over to something through the round glass window, your breath hitches when you turn to see him, bad idea, his face is too close that you lips almost touch, not that it would be the first time but still not the time.
“Third table from the left, my dad is wearing a black suit and my mom is wearing a navy blue dress.” He points with a grin, and you spot the couple not because of Namjoon`s description of them but because your eyes land on the lady in navy blue dress who looks a lot like Namjoon, they were twins almost, same lips, same smile and kind face.
“I see them.” You tell him softly and he pulls you back.
“I told you they`ll come.” You tell him softly.
“Yeah you did and honestly that`s the only reason I didn’t ball my eyes out, I really thought they were gonna ditch me.” He laughs, feeling relieved, the color that had left his cheeks coming back to its rightful place.
“They would never, they`re here aren’t they.” You glance back at the lovely couple.
“Yeah, let`s see what they order.” He claps excitedly and jogs to his station. You giggle at his enthusiasm.
The night well, too well actually, Namjoon`s parents were true Koreans, they ordered an array of Korean dishes and Namjoon made it with so much love and affection, the smile not faltering from his face as he chopped away the vegetables and stirred the sauces. He made you taste everything, your approval making his grin wider every time, after his parents get up to leave after dinner, Namjoon is nervous to meet them outside.
“Go joon, just go, see them off.” You push him, his huge and muscular frame not even moving from its place.
“I`m scared y/n.” he mumbles.
“Don’t be a baby Namjoon, go.” You try again, successful in pushing him towards the back entrance.
“You sure?” he asks, his hands cold when you hold them.
“Yes I am, now go before I kick your ass.” You give him one final push through the door, he`s outside, you give him a thumbs up. When he`s gone it`s your turn to feel nervous, it`s been ten minutes why isn’t he back? You think, chewing on your fingernail. You walk side to side, thinking what`s happening right now? Is his father happy? Angry? The door bursts open revealing a Namjoon with teary eyes, your heart falls to your feet.
“W-what happened?” you ask him in a rush. He smiles and tackles you in a hug, the force is immense and if he weren’t gluing you to his body right now, you were bound fall ass first on the ground.
“They were so happy y/n, my dad, he was so happy he almost cried.” He says into your neck and you feel your soul coming back into your body.
“Really!” you wrap your arms around him.
“Yeah, he said, “I`m happy for you son, I`m happy that you`re happy and that you have found something you`re good at.” He repeats his father`s words pulling away from you. You can`t help but feel emotional, tears welling up in your eyes at his words.
“He said he missed me.” Namjoon sniffles, his cheeks were stained with tears but he looked so happy and content.
“See, I told you he would understand.” You smile, tears getting squeezed out of your eyes.
“Yeah you did, you`re always right.” He holds you close to him, you two stay like this for a little while.
“Um, not to interrupt anything but we have a line of heads to feed and our two best chefs are making out by the back door.” You hear jihyo`s playful comment, jumping away from Namjoon.
“We were not making out.” You tell her quickly making Namjoon chuckle.
“Yeah, we were definitely not sucking face.” You look up to see Namjoon winking at jihyo.
“Yeah, got it” she makes finger guns at him with a wink and you punch Namjoon`s chest making him hiss.
You walk towards your house with Namjoon, he said Yoongi invited him and his other friends for drinks tonight, boys` night out if you will.
“You can go Namjoon, I can walk home alone just fine.” You tell him for the tenth time.
“Nope, I`m walking you home.” He tells you for the tenth time, he has been a little gone in thoughts since you’ve left the hotel.
“Okay, don’t blame me if you get late and get your ass kicked by Yoongi.” You warn him, hoping he would get scared of Yoongi kicking his ass.
“I can handle butt stuff for you darling.” He says with a snort but it soon turns into a yelp when you kick his shin.
You stop in front of your house, turning to him.
“Now go, have fun, you deserve it tonight.” You smile at him, he says nothing instead goes in for a hug, his body completely hiding yours in a bear hug as he squeezes you tight.
“Thank you for everything.” He speaks into your hair.
“Yeah yeah.” You giggle rubbing his back, you gasp when he slaps your butt lightly.
“Don’t be too cocky ma`am.” He whispers hotly in your ear and you freeze, your hands stilling on his back.
“I…y/n sorry…I…that was…” he pulls back a little flustered, his eyes not meeting yours.
“No, no its fine, I mean its okay.” you rush, trying to diminish the embarrassment for the both of you.
“I should go.” He takes a step back with a nervous chuckle.
“Yes you should.” You tell him with an awkward smile.
“But I don’t want to.” He looks at you.
“I don’t want you to.” You say in a trance, eyes meeting his. He leaps towards you, lips clashing onto yours with a force, this kiss was nothing like the ones you shared with him previously, this one was needy, desperate, dirty and sloppy, this one was both of you trying to eat each other up, this one showed the pent up tension for the past weeks. His hands were everywhere on your body, yours pull him down by the collar of his coat, your neck craning up to drink him in completely, his tongue licks into your mouth like there was no tomorrow and all he had was this moment right here, you`re no better yourself, the sounds you make are embarrassing for just making out, clearly giving away your want and desperation for him, you mewl when he bites on your lip before pulling away.
“Want to go in precious?” he husks and you nod immediately, he smiles wiping his thumb on your kiss bitten lips, his look better you think, all red and cherried.
He pushes you against the door as soon as you close it behind you earning a gasp from you, which he swallows with his mouth gladly, his lips move to your cheeks, then to both of your eyes, his hands creeping down to the back of your thighs, picking you up in an instant, lips not leaving yours, you feel like exploding at this point, your lips are tingling in the bestest way possible and your pussy is clenching by the way his hard abdomen is pressing against it.
“My room or your room?” he asks against your lips, licking over them again as he waits for your response.
“Well, they`re both my rooms technically.” You don’t know why you say this, but you do, your nerves getting the best of you.
“Sassy, I`ve always loved it but I`ll make sure to fuck the sass out of you tonight doll.” He bites down on your chin with a growl making you squeal. You grin, already looking forward to it. He walks towards his room.
“No let`s go to mine, this bed creaks a lot.” You tell him as your lips work on his neck, sucking and nipping on the soft warm skin.
“All the more reason to fuck you in it sweetpea, I bet we wouldn’t even hear it creak over the sound of you screaming.” He squeezes your ass in his hand making you whine in his neck.
“Aw don’t go all shy on me now.” He lets out a dark laugh.
He places you gently on the bed, his long fingers already getting rid of the coat your were wearing, lips coming back on yours again, fingers unbuttoning the pink button down shirt you wore after the shower at work. Your fingers tremble over his coat and he takes the hint, breaking the kiss and getting rid of his coat and then his tee shirt, revealing the expanse of his firm chest and abs, the golden skin looked as if it is glazed in honey, you want to lick every inch of it,you can just do that tonight and be happy. He takes your trembling hand and puts it on his chest, moving it up and down.
“Touch it all you want, touch me.” He whispers against your lips and this time you close the distance between them getting on your knees on the bed, hands still rubbing his chest down to his torso. You feel him slide your shirt down your shoulders revealing a light pink tee shirt bra underneath it. The cold air was making the hair on your arms stand. Namjoon looks down at your chest with a gulp.
“Fuck, so pretty.” He marvels at the sight, you feel the blush creep up your chest to your ears.
“Can I touch them please?” he asks so politely, you can sacrifice your right arm if he asks you this nicely, touching your boobs was no problem.
“Yes.” You sigh. His hands are big on your chest, completely covering your mounds as he kneads them with so much care and adoration in his eyes.
“They are softer than I had imagined.” He coos, eyes on your breasts as if he`s talking to them. The confession that he thought about your boobs makes your head dizzy and face hot. His hands go back to the hook of your bra, unclasping it in a second, his eyes don’t leave your drunk and hooded ones as he slides the straps from your shoulders. He pushes you back to lay on the bed, opening your legs to settle between them, your nipples harden with every second, his plump lips go for your cheeks, down to your jaw then your neck, you crane it up to give him more room, moaning when he licks a strip on your collar bone. He laughs “I think I found your happy spot darling.” He sucks a purple mark on the delicate skin.
“Joon.” You sigh, fingers lost in his hair. He hums against your pulse, lips not stopping for a second as he makes his way down to kiss the tops of your breasts, sucking the fleshy part into his hot mouth, creating multiple little blossoms on the skin.
“You are a work of art honey, fuck.” He looks at you, his pupils blown, lips blood red.
“Namjoon, do something, p-please.” You whine, not knowing how else to ask him for him.
“I`ll take care of you baby doll, don’t you worry.” He sucks a nipple into his mouth, the hot suction making you see stars dancing behind your lids.
“Uhhh, ahh” you cry out, fingers still in his hair, yanking a little when he bites down on the sensitive bud. His lips move down to your belly, he licks and kisses there, your stomach producing a new batch of butterflies wherever he kisses. His fingers hook into the waist band of your jeans, sliding them down your legs. He glides down more, you sigh when you see him glide past your core, the only place you need his mouth, his attention on right now.
“I love your legs, sweetheart, do you know how many times I`ve gotten hard when you wear those tiny sleeping shorts around me, can`t even focus on the stupid movie you play for us, always just think about opening your legs and kiss on them, just like this.” He smooches you calves all the way up to your inner thighs, sucking marks into them, you lay there and take it with whines and cries of his name and begging for more. You lift your hips up in a hurry when you feel him hook his fingers into your underwear making him chuckle against your thigh, the hot puff of air making your pussy bloom. He tears the panties down your legs, spreading your legs wider, he caresses your inner thighs.
“Looks so delicious baby.” He winks before diving down, licking a bold stripe on your soaked slit. You mewl, your legs closing on instinct, his fingers digging into the flesh keeping them apart, even spreading them more. You feel his fingers making a “V” to spread your lips as he sucks on your sensitive bud sending shock waves to your entire being.
“Oh fuck Namjoon, yes.” You moan out, slowly grinding against his tongue.
“You like it baby?” he looks at you, smiling at the way you nod with your eyes closed and face fucked out already from just his tongue.
“Gotta do more of that then right baby?” he eases a finger into your dripping hole, thrusting it in and out.
“P-lease.” Your voice cracks and he dives back into your pussy, his nose pressed against your labia as his mouth sucks on your clit while his fingers fuck you so good, you almost drool. Your feet pressed on his back as he pulls you into his face more by your hips, your hands reach to scratch and hold onto the bed post, desperate for anything to hold to ease the overwhelming actions that were being unfold in front of your eyes.
“Ungghh, close close close.” You chant, hips jerking at the sensitivity.
“come in my mouth baby, on my tongue” Namjoon pauses to say and dives back in, fingers fucking you with a mission now, suction on your clit getting intense.
“Fuck, oh god joonie!” you cry out his name, lifting your neck up to see what he was doing, you moan shamelessly at the sight, Namjoon shirtless, sucking on your pussy, his fingers inside your hole, his dragon eyes looking up at you was the sight that sends you over the edge. The tug of war in your stomach ending with the rope snapping leaving you panting, you cry when you try to get away from him, he pins you down with a growl, a hand pinning you to the bed as you squeal and he makes you ride out your orgasm on his merciless tongue.
“You good lovebug?” he chuckles when he comes up to see you almost passed out.
“K-kiss me joon, please.” You voice is weak, he complies slotting his lips with yours, you moan when you taste the sweet tang of your essence on his lips, your thumb comes up wipes some off his chin.
“Wanna make you feel good too.” You break away from his lips with a new full tank of energy. You roll over him, he lets you move him with you until you`re on top, your hair fall down like a stream towards him and he`s in awe of what a goddess you Look like right now, your cheeks flushed, mouth red, your neck and breasts all covered in his marks. He smirks at how far gone you were to let him do that to you.
“What are you smirking at handsome?” you trail a finger down his chest, letting your nails scratch him soothingly.
“Nothing, just lucky to be here, lucky to see you like this, it feels like a dream.” He smiles softly, making your insides turn, he looks so good right now, there`s a purple mark from your lips just above his right collarbone, you trace it.
“Want me to show you how real it is?” you whisper kissing down his chest, sucking on the his nipple, he moans for the first time that night, a full on moan, you are already greedy for this sound to hit your ears again.
“I think I found your happy spot boo.” You repeat his words and he sighs, his fingers tangling in your hair, holding them up to have a better view of your face, he watches suck on his nipple, his head rolls back.
“Oh shit y/n, so good ah” he breaths when you suck and bite on his sensitive nerves.
“Lift up.” You tell him and he obliges lifting up his hips for you to drag down his pants along with his boxers, your eyes widen at the sight of cock, it was probably the biggest one you`ve ever seen in your life, your mouth waters at the sight and you feel your pussy quiver at the thought of taking him in. your take him in your hands, stroking slowly, the weeping tip acting as the lube to make the glide of your hand pleasurable for him.
“Ah, hahh, y/n baby.” His abs are tensed and his eyes are closed in ecstasy.
“Does it feel good baby?” you ask him, greedy for his approval as if his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and his furrowed eyebrows are not giving away how he feels.
“So good, so so good, you`re a-amazing.” He breathes and you grin, your hand speeding up on his cock, you lean forward to lick the tip making his hips jerk off the bed. You take the tip into your mouth, sucking on it like it’s the sweetest candy in the world, it really is.
“Oh fuck y/n fuck.” He moans your name in a way that makes your pussy clench around nothing, his voice always made you needy but today it was making you lose control over sanity. You slack your jaw to take more of him in and you feel him jerk up into your mouth, he stops mid jerk in fear of hurting you, you rub his thighs to encourage him to use you however he wants, he slowly fucks into your mouth, his hand wrapping your hair in a pony tail as he looks down at you.
“Who knew this smart mouth was this good at sucking dick.” He says through gritted teeth, you moan at his words, tears stinging your eyes as he eases into the part of your throat that is a little hard to get into.
“Remember all the time you ran your mouth at me, run your mouth on my cock baby, that`s all you`re good at.” You have found your kink right now because his words send a gush of wetness to your pussy, you feel the slick slide down your thighs, you growl in response on his cock, still not backing down, the vibrations making his eyes roll back into his head.
“Oh sweet girl, you`re so good to me ahh.” He slowly ruts into you. He fucks your mouth for a few minutes and then pulls you off his dick.
“Need to be inside you, you want that sugar plum?” he pecks your lips sweetly and you nod, your approval is all he needs to roll you over, your back hitting the mattress, you whine when you see him leave the bed looking down for his coat.
“Jihyo must be a psychic.” He wiggles a condom he pulls out from his pocket. You giggle. You watch him roll on the rubber on his perfect and rock hard cock. You want it inside you or in your mouth again.
“Hurry up.” You whine, your heartbeat picking up again.
“I`m right here precious.” He tackles you on the bed again, his hands pulling your legs apart, you wrap them around his waist and look down to see his hand leading the bulbous head to your sodden hole. You mewl at the breach, it already feels so right and it was just the head going in, he pushes more of him inside you cry at the sensation, throwing your head back, he takes the opportunity to suck on your throat in attempts of distracting you from the discomfort, he pushes one more time, grunting when he watches himself bottom out inside you, pelvises joined. Your mouth opens in silent scream.
“So full.” You marvel as he sucks on your collarbones. You feel so full, so full to the point you feel like you would feel empty without it from now on.
“Are you okay? want me to stop?” Namjoon looks a little worried at the way you can`t even open your eyes, your hands falling limp from his shoulders.
“I…it feels incredible joon…so good please don’t stop.” You open your eyes to meet his, he smiles kissing your lips, his hips coming to action, his movements slow and calculated, you mewl in his mouth.
“My baby, it`ll feel great after few moments.” He encourages with a smile and you nod tears swimming in your eyes. He ducks down to your neck, placing soft kisses there, your hands go back to his shoulders, legs tighten around his torso as he fucks into you, he was right, it felt amazing after few thrusts, your pussy fluttering to make space for his giant cock, slobbering it up for his thrusts to be more smooth.
“Oh ahh ahh ahh!” you hold him close to you as he fucks you slow but deep.
“Good girl, you`re doing so well for me.” He bites kisses down your breasts, kissing sloppily on the tops. His hands pin your wrists above your head as he picks up his pace making you a weeping mess.
“Be good, no crying little lady, can you be good for me?” he grunts as he jack hammers you into the mattress, the bed creaking at every thrust, bed post hitting the wall. You nod, wanting to be nothing but good for him.
“That`s it, been dreaming about making you cry on my cock since the day I saw you, but you had to ruin it by starting a fight with me didn’t you?” his thrusts are animalistic, your legs tremble on his waist but you keep them there, his hands are pinning your wrists above your head, cock splitting you in half.
“If you didn’t start that dumb little fight, we would’ve been fucking on our anniversary right now, not for the first time, you silly little girl.” His pace doesn’t slow down, your eyes roll back in pleasure, toes curling on his back.
“I…I`m sorry.” You squeak.
“Yeah, you should be, made me wait so long for you, for this creamy pussy, you should be sorry you dumb slut.” He pounds you into the mattress, biting his bottom lip at the way your bruised breasts bounce up and down with each thrust.
“Say it, say you`re a dumb slut.” His voice comes out breathy and deep as he pistons inside you.
“I`m…I`m a dumb slut.” You scream.
“That`s right, a dumb slut, who`s only good for taking this cock, a dumb slut with a good pussy.” He leans down to kiss you deep and messy.
“Yes yes.” You don’t even what you`re agreeing to.
“And you`re mine now, got it? I will never throw your sassy and bratty ass away, you`ll be mine forever understood?” he says against your lips.
“Yours, I`ll be yours joon, oh fuck I`ll be your slut.” You babble.
“My queen, my sweetheart.” He pecks your lips over and over again.
“Anything, want to be…yours ahhh fuck!” you cry against his lips as he releases your hands, moving his own to rub your clit.
“I`m gonna ohhh come.” You scream.
“I got you beautiful, do it, let go.” He encourages you, two of his fingers rubbing you. You come with a scream of his name, your legs falling limp but he holds them up, still thrusting inside you, it doesn’t take him long to chase his release as he falls on top of you.
“You good baby?” he asks, his voice coming out as puffs against your chest.
“mmh, perfect.” You reply making him chuckle.
He gets up to roll the condom off him, chucking it in the bin.
“So you`re mine now?” he asks with his eyes closed, his hand closing in on your breast.
“What no.” you bat his hand away, his eyes are wide as he looks at you.
“That`s not…what you…said moments ago.” He looks genuinely worried and you decide to tease him more about it.
“People say all kinds of stuff when they need to get an orgasm.” You shrug your shoulders trying not to laugh.
“Y/n I swear if this is a joke, cut it out before I cry.” His voice cracks and you laugh, unable to keep this going with him looking like a kicked puppy right now. He leaps to bury his face in your chest.
“Mean!” he groans.
“Aw” you coo, wincing when he pinches your hip.
“I have decided that I like you more when you are getting fucked, you`re way more understanding and cooperating that way.” He smirks at you.
“Keep this up and this might be the first and the only time I let you do this lover boy.” You yank his hair.
“I can bet my left eye I can make you go again right now.” He says before closing his lips on yours, you wrap your hands around his neck to pull him closer, you take his hand in yours to glide it towards your pussy making him smirk.
“Don`t.” you warn.
“I didn’t say a word my queen.” He winks, before sinking two fingers inside you.