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eeriebpd · 6 months

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Here’s some awareness on thought patterns/behaviour and what is reality for us abuse victims at the hands of family members.

We wake up everyday wishing all of this would be some sort of sick and twisted dream and that everything will be okay and we’ll feel safe around others and also safe within ourself

But no, this is reality, this is not a sick and twisted dream, and we do not feel safe in any way. Nothing is okay and will ever be okay

IT IS REALITY

We think to ourselves “Is it me?, is it my fault this happened?” “Maybe I should’ve just kept quiet” “I don’t blame them for doing that, I’m pathetic”

WE BLAME OURSELVES FOR THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED/ STILL EXPERIENCE

A lot of us get bitter (not everyone) and we lose hope in people and shut ourselves away, building a wall between us

THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WAS AT THE HANDS OF SOMEONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF US AND LOVE US. WE FEEL WE CANNOT TRUST ANYONE AND HATE EVERYTHING !

For some of us, a lot of hateful and immoral thoughts occur towards that person such as “I want to hit them so bad, they make me so angry and feel so worthless” “I want to steal from them !” “ I want to make them feel so much emotional pain” “I hope they drop dead”

THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED MAKES US HATE THAT PERSON AND WISH FOR THEM TO TASTE THEIR OWN MEDICINE !. BUT WHAT COMES WITH THAT IS ALSO HUGE GUILT FOR EVEN THINKING LIKE THAT !! WE DO NOT WANNA THINK LIKE OUR ABUSERS ! BUT WE KNOW THE TREATMENT WE GET IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL AND WE WISH FOR THEM TO FEEL OUR PAIN. WE DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM AND WE GET SCARED THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM !

Some of us have nightmares of the worst graphic/traumatic situations happening, we wake up hyperventilating, crying and to put it simply.. we want to die, we can’t take it anymore.. we don’t get peace.

THIS IS BECAUSE WE DO NOT FEEL SAFE AND UNCERTAINTY LOVES TO BURY ITSELF INTO OUR HEADS AND REMIND US THAT MAYBE ONE DAY OUR NIGHTMARES WILL COME TRUE !!

We do not trust people and push people away when they are genuine people who just want to be apart of your life

THIS IS BECAUSE WE NOW QUESTION EVERYONES MOTIVES. WE HAVE BEEN DECEIVED MULTIPLE TIMES BY SOMEONE WHO WE THOUGHT WOULD TAKE CARE OF US.. SO WE THINK EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF USING US, ABUSING US AND IS SIMPLY THERE TO RUIN OUR LIVES !! WE ARE SCARED !!

I could keep writing everything that comes to mind that I experience as well as lots of people, but what I’m trying to get at is that all of this and MORE is what a lot of abuse victim’s experience and that being abused is VERY real and our state of mind while being victims of abuse IS NOT OUR FAULT.. the abuser is to blame.

Please never think it’s your fault your head is this way, your abuser did this to you and they know that, that’s what they were aiming for, to ruin you.

#trauma #narcissistic parents #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #abuse cw #emotional abuse #awareness #mental health #we are strong #please don’t give up #trauma tw #abusive family member #mentally drained #toxic thoughts #trauma stuff #trauma survival

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daandori · 1 month

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im honestly worried that my mental health and psyche will never recover from living with my mom for this long lmao

#the talkies #like fuck #of course i have just one family member that lives in this country and she’s a fucking narcissist

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gothicastles · 2 months

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every time i hang out with my family i tell myself i shouldn't do it again when i hear what they talk about but then i do it again and i tell myself the same thing and then i do it again and tell myself the same thing. well guess what i did today and just told myself.... yeah.

#like... they weren't so bad a few years ago. or maybe i just grew up and learned more but the casual homophobia and transphobia and misogyny #it's so bad lately.#the worst part is that most of my female family members complain abt their ugly emotional narcissistic partners while watching out for their #kids while said partners are sitting at the other table drinking beer and not worrying abt anything else. i told like 3 of them to get a #divorce i was so serious but they laughed lile girl i'm not joking. literally just leave you won't lose anything #anyway. another day to remind myself never to marry a man. if i ever do you need to suspect i'm having an episode of hysteria and stop me

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oasisr · 9 months

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I truly believe that we're all a little bit narcissistic these days due to trauma, abuse and demonic oppression.

I think what matters most is that we must practice self reflection, kindness to ourselves and others, prayer, repentance, and the path towards redemption.

#narcissistic #narcissism #not making excuses for abuse either btw #just saying #i know i have narcissistic traits #and most men ive dated have had npd #so have my family members #it's really hard #forgive yourself and others everyday #sometimes you have to forgive your abuser 20 times in one day due to the #ptsd #flashbacks #it's not easy #but #it's necessary #forgiveness #prayer #Christian #abuse

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jelzorz · 2 years

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apologies from narcissists be like "sorry i did stuff but it was your fault actually" lmao

#here we go again #lmao what a wild fucking ride #narcissistic abuse #toxic family #toxic family members

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wolfeyedwitch · 1 year

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Struggling with coming up for a scenario for "mind games" for my BTHB for Bailey. Not because there's a lack of options, but because there's too many. Slipknot loves mind games.

#i might do like little snippets? maybe?#like just show the little things and how they add up #idk #feel free to leave ideas/examples #this is 100% emotional abuse territory #pull out all your examples from narcissistic family members and toxic ex-friends #with bloody outstretched hands #bailey and supervillain

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xxlovelynovaxx · 9 months

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Thinking more about the rude anons lately and just... what kind of person do you have to be to go to a random stranger's inbox, assume you know enough about them to tell them they're crazy, or that they need therapy because you disagree with them saying "actually, you should listen to marginalized people about their own oppression and experiences", or that they're a pick-me for using microlabels well-accepted and defended by the community they belong to, or...?

What kind of convoluted reasoning do you have to have, what kind of self-awareness do you have to lack, to think you're somehow doing justice by saying that psych should be used as a tool by majority society to force conformity on anyone who harmlessly annoys you or makes you uncomfortable, and yet not see that historically that's how it's been and continues to be used (in ways that likely actively harm them too)?

How little do you know about psychiatry to not understand that very little of it actually overlaps with neurology, both being infant sciences, and that psychiatry as its intended separate from ableism and capitalism is simply the science of listening to people's internal thoughts and emotions and recording commonalities?

Or to not understand that since its conception, psychiatry has had a proud and storied tradition of able-minded and able-bodied neurotypicals patronizing and infantilizing us and encoding their biases on our perspectives into diagnostic manuals that they then used to imprison, torture, and kill us and other marginalized people? And then to not recognize that doing so as a neurodivergent disabled person only aids and upholds that institution?

On the other hand, what kind of justifications does one have to make to themself to say "actually, this other part of this marginalized community is the only authority on this because they are the only ones really oppressed. It's definitely not circular logic to say that all of your claims of oppression are wrong because you're not oppressed and people who are not oppressed can't claim they're oppressed"?

Plenty of these anons have been so vague I don't even know what they're annoyed about. I know the aphobic one was about a microlabel (and a fairly well known one at that, so probably your average mogai-hater guy) but the others?

"Get help" so you endorse coercive enforcement of a consensus standard of normalcy even when the deviancy you so violently despise, in your own words, is merely annoying?

"I'm just concerned, you're out of touch with reality, spend less time online", somehow you managed to hit ableism, sanism, and some pretty wild assumptions about who I am as a person when you yourself admit you came from a random reblog of mine, all at once! Like truly, what gives you the gall to presume you know anything about my life?

I'd even be willing to extend good faith and say it's reasonable to assume honesty of everyone you meet on the internet. Even with that...

Do I buy my food at a farmer's market or a local employee owned chain grocery store or a supercorp and would that last option be out of ignorance, apathy, or living in a food desert? How often do I go to the local library, what do I do there, and do I get there by bus, uber, a friend driving me, or walking/biking?

What organizations do I volunteer with, and in what capacity/doing what tasks? If I tell you that I volunteer primarily in an online capacity, is it because I'm immunocompromised and no one masks at the physical locations anymore, because my doctor is refusing to provide a mobility aid that I desperately need, because public transport is sensory and chronic pain hell, because public transport here requires a four hour round trip just to get to the Walmart seven miles away, because the primary international org I support doesn't have US locations, because we're in a heat wave that is exponentially deadly to me due to my disabilities, or because I'm simply too sick to leave the house at all most days?

Who are my friends and family? When and where and how do I love them? How much time have I spent helping my incredible partner do the hard, hard work of learning to love herself and to heal, and how many infinities more would I pour into it? How often do I play fortnite with our best friend even though I DESPISE fortnite, just because I love him so much? How many times do I use most or all of my spoons for the day fighting executive dysfunction so I can read another of my best friend's amazing fics, sometimes for fandoms I'm not even in, just to leave comments to build them up?

(Is our landlord fucking us over because we're poor, trans, or disabled? Seriously, I'd like to know, because if it's either of the second, we could sue for damages and get the fuck outta here.)

I mean, that's just it. You don't know me, and I don't know how you can convince yourselves that you do enough to waste both our time being - well, an annoyance! Like, this is not a vent post, I've made those already, I just truly don't get it.

I mean, do you get some trivial satisfaction of feeling like you've done your social justice for the day by telling some random stranger that they're "insane"?

Does it make you feel superior to tell said stranger that they think non-aspec queers are "whores" for having sex, ignoring their near-CONSTANT aggressive posting about the importance of sex positivity and the harm of whorephobia, puritanism, culturally christian ideals of sex as "sinful", and how this impacts ace people, aro people, genderqueer people, and people of queer sexualities?

(Seriously, how do you act like you know me when ignoring my entire blog? Are you lost?)

Does it make you feel like a good little activist to tell disabled people to touch grass, and ignore every disabled person saying "uh, hey, you should consider the ableist intent behind that statement, or at the very least the ableist impact it has"?

Are you coming from a place of privilege or hurt? Or a mix of both? Are you someone who is not marginalized who is still dealing with genuine problems that aren't being listened to and addressed by the people in your life? Are you a marginalized person who is caught up in the conflation of privilege and oppression and evil, so you're too afraid to recognize your own privilege because that wouldn't be a morally neutral fact but evidence that you're an irredeemably bad person?

Are you a person with a mix of marginalized and nonmarginalized identities (white and trans, goy and plural, perisex and queer) who isn't able to get enough help with the harm you do face and is worried that you'll receive less help within your community if you're seen as an evil oppressor, not recognizing that there are people already receiving even less help and more hurt in your community due to the opposite?

People can say "it's not that complicated", but the truth is, people don't do things for no reason. They may not be self-aware enough to identify it, the people around them rarely have enough context to guess at it, but it's there.

It could be petty; they don't like us and want to make it our problem out of spite. "You wasted our time and made us moderately annoyed so we wanna do the same to you."

It could be out of some twisted sense of justice. Maybe they truly believe they're doing good. A lot of people do. Hell, I believe plenty of r//adfems actually believe they're fighting for women, and very few actually recognize the fascism in their own arguments, in the ones they ally with, or anything. It's a much more extreme example than some rando on tumblr, but the same could apply at a much smaller scale.

But is there some other motivation I'm missing?

I just - I've sent anons and non-anomymous asks when I didn't understand an argument being made for something. If I disagree with someone on something unimportant, I'll either leave it, reblog a joke about it, or block them if I find them annoying enough. If it's something important that they're approaching in good faith, which I assume to the extent of my ability to do so, I'll try to engage without being an asshole.

If it's important and they're engaging in bad faith, I may either reblog a rebuttal or make my own post, but I'll certainly block them - because what's the point in continuing to argue with someone whose goal is to undermine someone's personhood (or the fee things of similar weight) by any means necessary?

I just truly don't understand. Anyone's welcome to contribute to this, btw.

As an afterthought, this anon hate is bigoted, so I don't want to trivialize it. Ableism, sanism, and aphobia are still a big deal even when they are online microaggressions, not just because they cause harm but because these people exist offline and have a material effect on the physical (and medical/legal/social) world. Even the immediate harm is bad, though!

That being said, I want to recognize that I feel lucky (knock on wood) to not have gotten any of the really nasty shit again yet. I haven't seen any suicide baiting or "Keep Yourself Safe"s. I haven't been sent gore or death or rape threats or fantasies. I haven't had anyone tell me that I deserved the horrible traumas that I've been very open about, that I'm lying about being a survivor of things that are literally against T/OS to mention on here, or that they hoped my disabilities were terminal again.

It's uh, obviously coming from a place of trauma to have that as my baseline of "really bad". It's why I respond to anon asks to vent (via screenshotting), why I so vehemently defend the boundaries I set by blocking - not just that I have a right to, but am justified in doing so - why, when I get a fee asks like this in quick succession, and one mentions a reblog, my first thought is "how much worse is this gonna get?"

I know I'm making myself vulnerable by even talking about this. I guess I just hope if this doesn't get through to them, anyone who genuinely thinks this has even a lottery's chance of changing a random stranger's mind about anything will get over that. It's not "there's a tiny, one in a trillion chance". It's not even zero. By doing this, you are actively entrenching anyone, of any belief, further against yours. You are working counter to your own goals.

Hell, it's part of why I'm so block happy. I'm not trying to change the minds of the people I refute. I'm just trying to counter their misinformation, logical fallacies, and emotional manipulation to anyone else who may see the posts.

But also... consider maybe just... not. Sending rude anonymous asks to someone already so sensitized by horrific harassment campaigns that at best they'll block and vent about you and move on and at worst you'll trigger them. I mean, maybe that's the goal of some of you? But if so, why not come in guns blazing with the suibaiting? Why even pretend to be a good person to yourself?

Why?

I don't get it.

#the one by SAS was admittedly kinda funny #like. somehow I give less than zero shits about what they think and their ask only further solidified that #like if you're gonna act like my abuser of course I'm going to care about your opinions even less than hers #(and I care negative many about her opinions. but like... she's a family member so there's feeeeeelings wrapped up in that)#(you're nobody to me)#I refute their posts a lot because they're dangerous and sometimes even cruel #and admittedly I can be a bit of an asshole! lol. I can live with that #I also wonder if they're stalking me from an unblocked account what they think of me continuing to talk about them #are they like “you wouldn't say you didn't care so much if you actually didn't” because hun have you ever MET an autistic person #autistic people will repeatedly emphasize how much we don't give a shit #(somethinsomethin the trauma of people never believing that we're honest about our feelings+projecting onto us what they expect us to feel)#are they getting an ego boost from this?#if so hiiiii I'm always happy as a narcissist to give someone an ego boost even if I consider them a reprehensible human being #(I have NPD and if you're gonna be anableist ass about it gtfo)#(incoming norc orbuse anons in 3...2...)#anyway #stars out peace

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enchantedlandcoffee · 1 year

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#doing one of these rants because i need to get my feelings out somewhere #not been talking to my dad since end of jan due to him being a narcissist and manipulative and emotionally abusive #he's left angry voicemails #attempted to guilt trip both me and my sister #and the family members i thought were on our side?#posted about my half-brother (who we haven't seen in years) not abandoning him in his time of need #(he has an operation for a neurological disease reason)#and i'm just so fucking tired of it all

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schussel0817 · 2 years

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After I trauma dumped on my bf. How my dad is emotionally abusive for decades and how he beat my mum almost to her death while drunk (Though that was more than a decade ago and there was no physical violence for a long time.).

My boyfriend ended the convo with; "yeah, but I still like him"

How tf am I supposed to take that?!

That's not cool even if he reminds you of your dead dad that you idolised.

I just don't know what to think any help would be appreciated.

#trauma #narcissistic abuse #relationship #family members and relatives #relationship issues #i need help #any advice?

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harmcityherald · 8 days

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The turtles got their new food and they seem to be liking it well. They had been using the sandbox all night in and out so it looks like I will be building a much bigger sand unit onto their enclosure. My other tank got a very expensive cleaning last night for peppermint and foremost. I also was able to get them an air stone. I also bought anything to vacuum out their tank and so last night they got quite the cleaning which will be finished this morning. I was also able to get half of my cutting done in my garden yesterday so my garden is finally taking off as well. Hopefully today I can put it in a little more work and bring my garden a little bit closer to being started. Artemisia is very watchful that I don't overwork myself because sometimes I have a tendency to where my garden is concerned. So the coffee is made and I'm sitting outside and enjoying it right now other than the fact that all my dinosaur buddies are sitting here in a circle looking at me in the trees bullying me to give them more food but we of course has suspended operations because of the bird flu. Sorry little guys but I think I know better than you I can read the medical journals you can't. So until I feel like it's safe again you guys are on your own I hate to say that. I guess I will offset that by giving my inside buddies a little more attention than they've been getting. The little tank is looking a lot better. Foremost loves the air stone much more than peppermint does. I think our reading let us to the correct decision that the snail needs an AirStone and that is exactly what she got. I also scraped off the six masses of eggs that she laid around the top of the tank, luckily I don't have a female to fertilize them all or I would have a million snails like I'm afraid I'm going to have a million Turtles before it's all over with. I won't be able to release them in the wild if it actually happened but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I love my critters and my critters love me.

I would add more tags but they only allow me a certain number so I should end it there. Or else I'll talk myself right into a bad mood. And that's not fair to my little buddies is it?

Mark my word, we are all going to live to see the day to read about that man doing something incredibly stupid. I'm not going to try to lay any future or philosophical View on what that could be. Trust me, he's a pedophile with an arsenal of ghost guns. And it's a situation that I'm too old to try to help and solve. My other two grandchildren the one being autistic and the other being transgender make me want to reach out and help them and yet the transgender child is under extreme brainwashing by him. One time he even told her that he would fuck the lesbianism right out of her, and for me that's not something that should ever come out of a father's lips to a daughter ever no matter what the situation is at all. And yet that same transgender child, under his pristine Direction, hates my very guts. The only one in the family who would actually call you by your real name and would refuse to use your dead name and yet I guess the fact is that Alan loves his father and any concessions that meat had makes for her must make her feel at least somewhat accepted. But because of the Meathead Saga I do not get to see those two sets of grandchildren anymore. Because I'm a deep state leftist, if you can actually believe that's a reason to hold your children back from someone. That's very sad to me I have seven grandchildren all together. It is only two that I get to react and deal with everyday living here with me and I'm so thankful of that. Many people would say it's a financial burden I should not subject to myself to. But I've always been a firm believer that you never throw kids to the wind ever. Especially not in this fucked up world the way it is now. If you throw your kids to the Wolves you're no better than a Spartan throw in your baby off the edge of a cliff. And that's not how I was ever taught that parenting was done. I have never raised a hand to a child ever not in my whole life. I've always gotten so much more from children when you talk to them and treat them like people the people that they no doubt are.

Anyway, Meatheads brand of ineffectual terrorism doesn't really scare me in any way. I have no idea why I'm really on this this morning. Perhaps the youngers are arguing last night reminded me of the tension in the house when Meathead was here pretty much destroying everything in his path. We're trying to destroy everything in his path which included me. I had six police officers and four doctors all together bum rushed me in the room to convince me that I needed to press charges. I told him if I pressed charge does that means I won't be able to get them out of my house and the only thing I want is for them to be out of my house like tomorrow so I didn't press charges against him, which I'm sure he walks around in his own little tiny house Castle now Vindicated somehow that the cops wouldn't touch him when really it was me that kept that from happening. Trust me if it had been any other situation I would have made sure he got every little bit of punishment he deserved for it but it was more important for me to clear this place out and have a nice calm place for my Artemisia and our wonderful youngers

#my turtle chronicles #my critters #turtles #fish #a snail #two kitty cats #and all my plants Aquatic and otherwise #gardening #spring has sprung in rannyland #Cthulhu is coming up I will show a picture of him later he is my Herald of spring and he is coming up and that makes the third year in a ro #Happy Coffee to all my little listeners and all My Little Critters are determined that it's going to be a good day #better just make sure you make artemisius coffee the right way #the youngers had a fight last night and it looks like one of them didn't come home so I'm a little worried about that #but I didn't like the way I heard my granddaughter being talked to and although she's upset today maybe it's for the better #he giving her a hard time for going out with her cousin while every time he goes out with his friends he ends up with a goddamn charge.#but I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a pop pop I'm there for her for whatever she needs #I love my grandkids more than life itself #them and my Artemisia make me so thankful to have been allowed to be part of their family and so grateful to get to be the grandfather #I think more parents should feel that way instead of feeling burdened or some idiots who like to run their house like a army base #we all remember the Meathead Saga don't we?#he is on the bus idiots who has to sit at the top of the dinner table everyday and make his children sit in front of him #like some idiot from a Twisted Sister video #there was no wonder he and I did not get along #not to mention he was trying to squat and steal my house and then he tried to take my life #somebody that's one family member I'm not to enamored of having #and I've also made it very very very clear that he is no longer welcome here and that I will have no more talks of that anything with him #I think that every family has at least one person in it who is under the completely wrong assumption that they are a master manipulator #everybody's got the narcissist #maybe yours is a parent mine was a middle-aged asshole who thought he was a parent and is still failing miserably at that fact #you know he actually convinced the state to pay him to stay at home to care for his autistic son which sounds really good on the outside

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