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yesisaidit · 2 years

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*Edited to add plain text at bottom.*

I want to imagine for a moment what was going through Nick and Charlie's heads when they share their first kiss. The build up had to be incredible. The tension caused by their attraction a palpable and electric thing.

Charlie's inner thoughts.

Nick's inner thoughts.

Charlie, feeling hopelessly lost and all in his feelings for Nick, thinking, I can do this. I can be his supportive friend. I mean, he's my best friend. This is what best friends do right? They talk about their crushes and support each other. It's fine if he doesn't have a clue what he does to me. I can't tell him or he won't be so casual about his touches…maybe that would be a good thing? No, no, I'm not ready to give up Nick hugs or the way he grabs my hands sometimes. No. Charlie, keep your feelings to yourself. Deep breath, be his friend.

Meanwhile, Nick is sitting next to him in full panic mode.

Come on, Nick. You can do this. Just look at him and say, Hey Charlie, guess what? I think I might like boys too or at least one boy. God that's awful! I can't say that. Plus it's not the same, is it?. I don't like all boys like this, just one very particular boy. Right? God, he's so close to me I can smell his shampoo. It would be totally weird if I just sniffed him wouldn't it?

And then Charlie asks, "Was Harry being serious? Do you have a crush on Tara?"

Nick, scrambling mentally, What is he even talking about! How could he think…

"No! No. Definitely not!" That was too aggressive wasn't it!?! Too strong of a response. Oh God! Look at him looking at me. How could I not want to kiss him? Oh…kiss him. Do I want to kiss him? Complete and total yes. I might burst into flames if I don't.

Charlie glances away, feeling shy from the strength of Nick's no and the intensity his gaze. You're his friend, he is straight. He's always intense, so fucking sincere it hurts to look at him sometimes. Jesus Charlie. Get a grip. Does he know what that look is doing to me? Does he know how soft and huggable he looks right now? Does he know…

Charlie: "So… you don't have a crush on anyone at the moment?" Am I a glutton for punishment!? Apparently I need to hear Nick Nelson tell me in person that he's straight. I am pathetic.

If only he knew! "Well…I didn't say that." Was that too obvious! God! I should have Googled…how to tell your best mate that you are attracted to him…he gets it now, right? He's going to ask and I'm going to tell him and…

Fuck. It's got to be that Imogen girl then, right? Or it could be some other supremely gorgeous girl. My chest aches. Suck it up, Charlie, you knew this would happen. This is what comes of falling for a straight boy who also happens to be the best friend ever. Fuck! Don't cry!?! I am such an idiot! "Oh…um…What's she like then?"

He! What's he like?!? He's well, he's you Charlie. I'm going to just tell him. "You're just going to assume they're a she?" Hah! It's you, Charlie! You're amazing Charlie! Oh no. He looks shocked. I'm a bit shocked myself! Oh God! What if he doesn't feel like that towards me! What if he just wants us to be friends! If I keep looking at him, he's going to know, but I can't look away. He's just so incredibly beautiful. So soft and lovely and brave and amazing.

*Gay Panic* WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?! What did he just say!?! Did he just imply that his crush might not be a girl! I have to know. I have to ask! "Are they...are they not a girl?" Gaghshjdiej!!! No…Don't look away! Just tell me Nick! Don't you see what you're doing to me!?!

Stop staring at his lips. Focus! Say it! It's you, Charlie. It's you. You. Just say something! *Gay panic* "Um…" Fuck!

No, wait. I can do this! I can say it! I can't. I'm a fucking coward. Come on, Nick! If you want something you have to fight for it! Do we want this?

Yes, we abso-fucking-lutely-do!

I think I made him nervous….Christ Charlie! Coming out is terrifying. Of course he's nervous! Don't make it worse! Ask an easier question. Put your feelings on hold and reassure him! Calmly now, "Would you go out with someone who wasn't a girl?" Brilliant you twat! Because that's an easier question!

Look at him and say yes, you! Do it! (Turns to look at Charlie. Panics Forgets how to breathe.) "I don't know…" Take a breath you moron. Another one. Now tell him. Yes, if it's you, Charlie. I'd go out with a boy if it's you. I think. "Maybe...?"

Way to go, Nelson! You're a fucking idiot. Just use your words, mate! Shit! He looks…sad?…Distraught? He's looking away. Fuck! I blew it. This isn't fucking hard Nick! Right!?! I'm only trying to tell my best friend that I think I'm half in love with him!

That was an intense look wasn't it? I'm not imagining things. He was looking at me with…need? Maybe he's still unsure of his sexuality. Let's push the boundaries a bit. (Shifts closer. ) Deep breath, I'm shaking. I can do this, you can do this Charlie. (Lays hand near Nick's.) I can feel the heat of his hand it's so near mine. I can feel his heat and hear his erratic breathing. He's so close. (Closes his eyes.) God, I want to kiss him. Please…Let this work. "Would you kiss someone who wasn't a girl?"

Uhh! His voice! How can it be hoarse and soft at the same time!?! I have freaking goosbumps. Goosebumps! Only Charlie tangles me up like this. Would I kiss someone else who wasn't a girl? "I don't know."

Crap! That's not what I meant. I meant..No! Because it's you! It's all you! Ask me if I like you! Ask me if it's you. Ask me if you're what's different and special. Can't you see it in my eyes!

Be brave Charlie. Just give him a little nudge. See how reacts to the contact.

Can't you tell that it's you!?! I'm going tell him….(Charlie touches his pinkie to Nick's and Nick's brain short circuts. His breath hitches and his heart swan dives right off the deep end. His stomach clenched with equal parts nervous butterflies and excitement like he's never known.) Charlie's initiating contact! He never touches me first! Holy…fuck.

He's not pulling away…that's good, right? Oh. My. That's quite the look. Nick… Do you know what that look does to my heart? Does he have any idea…I have to know if he means what I think that look is saying.

Jesus, looking at Charlie is like looking at the world. The whole great big, beautiful, crazy world is right there in his beautiful eyes.

Here we go. It's now or never. The next moment will change everything. Be brave Charlie. I can do this. "Would you kiss me?" Oh no…Don't look away. He looked away. (Turning his head to stare at their pinkies, which are still touching.) I'm an idiot. Of course the answer is nnn…Is that him? Is that no…is he…did his pinkie,…is he touching me more…Oh My God! He is! (Charlie's brain short circuts.)

Those sparks. It's like there are sparks under my skin. Every part of me lighting up. I'm one giant fuse to a firework of feelings and life that only came awake because of this beautiful boy. Looking at him, being with him, touching him…it's like I'm breathing for the first time. It's like finally being alive. He is so beautiful. Evey. Single. Piece. Of. Him. Would I kiss him? Yes. Yes, I would. "Yeah." Really articulate Nelson! But honestly, I'm so overwhelmed with all that I feel, right now, this moment, for him, I'm lucky I could talk at all and not just nod like an idiot. We srere going to kiss now aren't we…we have to…I don't think I can keep breathing unless I know if his lips are really as soft as they look. Does he takes as good as he smells? Do I lean in? Am I supposed to initiate? I've only kissed one other person and I was 13! (His frantic brain quiets with one thought.) Charlie! Charlie will take care of it. I just have to trust Charlie. And I do, I trust him. And I need him to kiss me, just him. Just you, Charlie.

He. Fucking. Said. YES!! Slowly Charlie. Be cool. Don't freak out! This is his first kiss, with a boy. This is OUR fucking first kiss! And he's scared, but maybe excited too, I think…

I'll just, move slowly. Give him time to change his mind. Please don't change your mind! I think I might die if I don't get to kiss you. I need to kiss you, like I need air, like I need food or water. I need you. Just you, Nick.

And then, they kiss.

And it's everything!

And not enough. Not nearly enough.

So they kiss again.

❤Let me know if you want more.❤

@jason-pd you asked, so I wanted to make sure you saw it. I hope you like it.

Charlie, feeling hopelessly lost and all in his feelings for Nick, thinking, (Charlie's inner thoughts: I can do this. I can be his supportive friend. I mean, he's my best friend. This is what best friends do right? They talk about their crushes and support each other. It's fine if he doesn't have a clue what he does to me. I can't tell him or he won't be so casual about his touches…maybe that would be a good thing? No, no, I'm not ready to give up Nick hugs or the way he grabs my hands sometimes. No. Charlie, keep your feelings to yourself. Deep breath, be his friend.)

Meanwhile, Nick is sitting next to him in full panic mode.

(Nick's inner thoughts: Come on, Nick. You can do this. Just look at him and say, Hey Charlie, guess what? I think I might like boys too or at least one boy. God that's awful! I can't say that. Plus it's not the same, is it?. I don't like all boys like this, just one very particular boy. Right? God, he's so close to me I can smell his shampoo. It would be totally weird if I just sniffed him wouldn't it?)

And then Charlie asks, "Was Harry being serious? Do you have a crush on Tara?"

Nick, scrambling mentally, What is he even talking about! How could he think…

Nick: "No! No. Definitely not!"

(Nick's inner thoughts: That was too aggressive wasn't it!?! Too strong of a response. Oh God! Look at him looking at me. How could I not want to kiss him? Oh…kiss him. Do I want to kiss him? Complete and total yes. I might burst into flames if I don't.)

Charlie glances away, feeling shy from the strength of Nick's no and the intensity of his gaze. (Charlie's inner thoughts: You're his friend, he is straight. He's always intense, so fucking sincere it hurts to look at him sometimes. Jesus Charlie. Get a grip.)

( Nick's inner thoughts: Does he know what that look is doing to me? Does he know how soft and huggable he looks right now? Does he know…)

Charlie: So… you don't have a crush on anyone at the moment? (Charlie's inner thoughts: Am I a glutton for punishment!? Apparently I need to hear Nick Nelson tell me in person that he's straight. I am pathetic.)

(Nick's inner thoughts: If only he knew!) Nick: "Well…I didn't say that."

(Nick's inner thoughts: Was that too obvious! God! I should have Googled…how to tell your best mate that you are attracted to him…he gets it now, right? He's going to ask and I'm going to tell him and…)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: Fuck. It's got to be that Imogen girl then, right? Or it could be some other supremely gorgeous girl. My chest aches. Suck it up, Charlie, you knew this would happen. This is what comes of falling for a straight boy who also happens to be the best friend ever. Fuck! Don't cry!?! I am such an idiot!) Charlie: "Oh…um…What's she like then?"

(Nick's inner thoughts: He! He's well, he's you Charlie. I'm going to just tell him.)

Nick: "You're just going to assume they're a she?"

(Nick's inner thoughts: Hah! It's you, Charlie! You're amazing Charlie!

Oh no. He looks shocked. I'm a bit shocked myself! Oh God! What if he doesn't feel like that towards me! What if he just wants us to be friends! If I keep looking at him, he's going to know, but I can't look away. He's just so incredibly beautiful. So soft and lovely and brave and amazing.)

(Charlie's inner thoughts. *Gay Panic* WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID HE JUST SAY!?! What did he just say!?! Did he just imply that his crush might not be a girl! I have to know. I have to ask!)

Charlie: "Are they...are they not a girl?" (Charlie's inner thoughts: Gaghshjdiej!!! No…Don't look away! Just tell me Nick! Don't you see what you're doing to me!?!)

(Nick's inner thoughts: Stop staring at his lips. Focus! Say it! It's you, Charlie. It's you. You. Say something! *Gay panic* Nick: "Um…"

(Nick's inner thoughts: Fuck! No, wait. I can do this! I can say it! I can't. I'm a fucking coward. Come on, Nick! If you want something you have to fight for it! Do we want this? Yes, we abso-fucking-lutely-do!)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: I think I made him nervous….Christ Charlie! Coming out is terrifying. Of course he's nervous! Don't make it worse! Ask an easier question. Put your feelings on hold and reassure him! Calmly now,) Charlie: "Would you go out with someone who wasn't a girl?"

(Charlie's inner thoughts: Brilliant you twat! Because that's an easier question!)

(Nick's inner thoughts: Look at him and say yes, you! Do it! (Turns to look at Charlie. Panics Forgets how to breathe.)) Nick: "I don't know…"

(Nick's inner thoughts: Take a breath you moron. Another one. Now tell him. Yes, if it's you, Charlie. I'd go out with a boy if it's you. I think.)

Nick: "Maybe...?"

(Nick's inner thoughts: Way to go, Nelson! You're a fucking idiot. Just use your words, mate! Shit! He looks…sad? …Distraught? He's looking away. Fuck! I blew it. This isn't fucking hard Nick! Right!?! I'm only trying to tell my best friend that I think I'm half in love with him!)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: That was an intense look wasn't it? I'm not imagining things. He was looking at me with…need? Maybe he's still unsure of his sexuality. Let's push the boundaries a bit. (Shifts closer.) Deep breath, I'm shaking. I can do this, you can do this Charlie. (Lays hand near Nick's.) I can feel the heat of his hand it's so near mine. I can feel his heat and hear his erratic breathing. He's so close. (Closes his eyes.) God, I want to kiss him. Please…Let this work.) Charlie: "Would you kiss someone who wasn't a girl?"

(Nick's inner thoughts.Uh! His voice! How can it be hoarse and soft at the same time!?! I have goosebumps. Goosebumps! Only Charlie tangles me up like this. Would I kiss someone else who wasn't a girl?) Nick: "I don't know."

(Nick's inner thoughts: Crap! That's not what I meant. I meant..No! Because it's you! It's all you! Ask me if I like you! Ask me if it's you. Ask me if you're what's different and special. Can't you see it in my eyes!)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: Be brave Charlie. Just give him a little nudge. See how he reacts to the contact.) (Nick's inner thoughts: Can't you tell that it's you!?! I'm going to tell him….(Charlie touches his pinkie to Nick's and Nick's brain short circuits. His breath hitches and his heart swan dives right off the deep end. His stomach clenched with equal parts nervous butterflies and excitement like he's never known.) Charlie's initiating contact! He never touches me first! Holy…fuck.)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: He's not pulling away…that's good, right? Oh. My. That's quite the look. Nick… Do you know what that look does to my heart? Does he have any idea…I have to know if he means what I think that look is saying.) (Nick's inner thoughts: Looking at him is like looking at the world. The whole great big, beautiful, crazy world is right there in his eyes.)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: Here we go. It's now or never. The next moment will change everything. Be brave Charlie. I can do this.)

Charlie: "Would you kiss me?"

(Charlie's inner thoughts: Oh no…Don't look away. He looked away. (Turning his head to stare at their pinkies, which are still touching.) I'm an idiot. Of course the answer is nnn…Is that him? Is that no…is he…did his pinkie,…is he touching me more…Oh My God! He is! (Charlie's brain short circuits.))

(Nick's inner thoughts: Those sparks. It's like there are sparks under my skin. Every part of me is lighting up. I'm one giant fuse to a firework of feelings and life that only came awake because of this beautiful boy. Looking at him, being with him, touching him…it's like I'm breathing for the first time. It's like finally being alive. He is so beautiful. Evey. Single. Piece. Of. Him. Would I kiss him? Yes. Yes, I would.)

Nick: "Yeah."

(Nick's inner thoughts: Really articulate Nelson! But honestly, I'm so overwhelmed with all that I feel, right now, this moment, for him, I'm lucky I could talk at all and not just nod like an idiot. We're going to kiss aren't we…we have to…I don't think I can keep breathing unless I know if his lips are really as soft as they look. Does he taste as good as he smells? Do I lean in? Am I supposed to initiate? I've only kissed one other person and I was 13! (His frantic brain quiets with one thought.)Charlie! Charlie will take care of it. I just have to trust Charlie. And I do, I trust him. And I need him to kiss me, just him. Just you, Charlie.)

(Charlie's inner thoughts: He. Fucking. Said. YES!! Slowly Charlie. Be cool. Don't freak out! This is his first kiss, with a boy.

This is OUR fucking first kiss!

And he's scared, but excited, I think…

I'll just move slowly. Give him time to change his mind. Please don't change your mind! I think I might die if I don't get to kiss you. I need to kiss you, like I need air, like I need food or water. I need you. Just you, Nick.)

And then, they kiss.

And it's everything!

And not enough. Not nearly enough.

So they kiss again.

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