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#natasha romanoff imagines
mrs-johansson · 2 days
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Chapter 6 - Dark Phoenix II - Emergence of conflagration
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Part 3:
*Third person’s view*
The room was quiet. The only source of light was which came from the kitchen, barely giving any visibility in Y/n’s bedroom. Light from the skyscrapers around the flat was barely enough to light up the room, so the two were laying in the darkness mostly.
Natasha supported herself with her elbow and her other hand was resting on Y/n’s stomach who was laying next to the Russian on her back. Both were covered with silk black sheets, bare shoulders poking out.
Y/n seemed to be deep in thought, which made Natasha watch her moves closely. The younger girl’s eyes moved around the room, sometimes sticking to one place and then looking elsewhere. She took deep breaths, making Natasha’s hand on her stomach lift as she took each breath. Once Stark realized how quiet the room got and how Natasha didn’t seem to move, she looked at the redhead.
“You should move in with us,” said Y/n all of a sudden, taking Natasha by surprise. Her eyebrows shot to her hairline, so she wouldn’t even be able to lie about how surprised she was. “Really? You’d want that?” Nat asks softly, a smile already curling up her lips. Y/n nodded with a sweet smile, her hands coming up to frame Natasha’s face. “I love you. I want you to be with us every day and night. Katarina adores you out of this world and you make us happy. I know I said I want to take it slow but honestly I don’t care. I want you with us,” she confessed, while caressing Natasha’s skin. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop falling in love with you,” Nat was in a full daze from her feelings. The love she felt for this woman was something she could never comprehend.
Y/n felt the same way. Her heart was so light from how easy it was to love Natasha. She couldn’t imagine her life without the Russian anymore and she didn’t want to either. “Kiss me,” whispered Stark, and with a kiss Natasha leaned down and captured her girl’s lips, kissing her like it was the first time. Natasha finally felt like she was safe with this girl and she understood what love is. Y/n was love for her.
Natasha slowly pulled the covers off of themselves and her hand quickly found Y/n’s soft skin. Stark wrapped her fingers into Natasha’s fiery hair, pulling her slightly back as she scattered kisses and bites onto her neck. The low moans the Russian let out made Y/n smile to herself. She made Natasha lay on her back so she could climb over her, while still leaving kisses all over her girlfriend’s neck.
She quickly fastened her lips onto Natasha’s nipple, causing her to gasp. She swirled her tongue around it, then lifted her left hand to take the other one into her fingers. “I love every inch of you,” said Y/n against the Russian’s skin. “I can feel that,” Natasha husked out, her breaths getting shorter and quicker.
Y/n’s touches were slow and tender. She wanted Natasha to feel every ounce of love she had for her. Stark kissed all over Nat’s body, biting and licking, leaving marks all over Natasha’s stomach and hips. “You always do this… it’s your obsession,” Natasha chuckled sweetly, finding it cute how Y/n worshiped her body every time she saw it without clothes.
As Y/n got lower and lower with her kisses she gently placed herself between Natasha’s legs, wrapping her arms under Nat’s thighs and kissing the inside of them. Natasha lifted her hand to her girlfriend’s head, her fingers getting tangled in her dark hair while her other hand barely held onto Y/n’s fingers on Nat’s left thigh. “You’re taking your sweet time there, baby,” Natasha spoke as Y/n didn’t think to rush things but since Nat seemed so impatient she looked up in her eyes before bringing her right hand over.
Natasha threw her head back as she felt Y/n slowly move her tongue inside of her. “Gosh…” The Russian’s right hand quickly released Y/n’s hand and grabbed onto the sheets, fisting the material between her fingers. Stark’s tongue slowly hit her g-spot, making her whole body spasm.
The wetness from Natasha was all over her girlfriend’s face, her thighs, and the sheets. Nat’s body knew this pleasure oh so well, making her leave her mouth wide open as her eyes rolled back. Y/n then moved her thumb to Natasha’s clit, rubbing it in small circles making her feel overstimulated. “Let me hear you, baby,” Y/n spoke from below, slowly easing two fingers into Natasha, making the redhead arch her back in pleasure and let out a raspy moan. Y/n went back into sucking, teasing her clit at the same fast pace her fingers were going inside of her. The exchange of pleas and curses repeatedly were the only words you could hear from Natasha. And she couldn’t think, but she knew she loved the way Y/n was touching her. “I’m so close,” Natasha barely spit it out, pushing Stark’s face closer to her sex, trying to reach her high.
Y/n loved watching Natasha throw herself around the bed, her back arched as she felt a knot forming in her abdomen. “Come for me, baby,” Y/n spoke, but she didn’t stop her actions and just kept going. Y/n’s tone has Nat’s hips bucking into her wildly Stark’s name spilling from her lips, she watches her come undone with a satisfied smile, slowly easing her into a calmer state with gentle kisses.
Stark kissed up her way to Natasha’s face, leaving a soft kiss on her red cheek. She looked into her deep green eyes with a sweet smile. “My sweetest girl, I love you,” Y/n whispered softly, Natasha feeling her cheeks keeping up the redness from her words. “I love it when you act all innocent after you do stuff like this,” Natasha caressed her face with a smirk, still trying to catch her breath. “Just for you.”
*Y/n’a POV*
With one last kiss on Nat’s lips, I laid next to her, pulling the sheets over us. Natasha wrapped her arm around my shoulder and brought me closer. Her hand slipped down to my waist, keeping me close. I laid my head on her chest and let out a satisfied sigh. “I’m happy. I’m glad we worked things out,” I admitted honestly, drawing circles on Nat’s covered stomach with my finger. “Me too, baby. You make me the happiest.” Natasha’s words made me smile and with the thought of us working out, I soon fell asleep.
***
“Heeeey, honey. I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up yesterday but I got some work to do this week so you’ll have to stay with Grandma and Grandpa,” I spoke over the phone with Katarina, trying to feel less guilty about leaving her for a week. “It’s okay, Mama. Grandpa and I built a tower in the backyard, you have to see it when you finish work. You can bring Natty,” I looked over at Natasha who was currently hunched over my desk at home, looking for any possible attacks from Hadria. “I will bring Natty with me. Did you have breakfast, honey?” I asked while walking over to Natasha, looking above her shoulder, checking the papers and pictures. “Yes, Grandma made eggs and bacon.” “Was it good?” I asked while my free hand came up to Natasha’s back, gently massaging her muscles. “I like yours better, but don’t tell Grandma,” said Katarina and I chuckled. “I won’t. Did you have any homework baby? Should I get anything for school?” I questioned, just simply worried that I’d miss anything. “I did my homework with Grandpa. He showed me a science thing, it was really cool,” she explained excitedly and I had to smile at how amazing she was. “Really? Did he blow something up?” I asked, already knew he definitely did. “Yes, it was so big!” I shook my head, but I didn’t want to ruin her moment so just went with it. “That’s amazing.” Looked down at my watch and saw that it was almost time for school for Katarina, so I had to cut the conversation short. “Honey, Grandpa should be taking you to school soon. I will call when I can okay, baba?” “Okay, be careful Mama,” she said and my heart melts every time she says this. “You too, honey. I love you.” “I love you more. Tell Natty I love her too,” she said loudly, which made Natasha look up from the files with a smile. “I will tell her.” “Okay, bye!” She said excitedly before hanging up the phone. “She’s so cute,” said Natasha with the sweetest smile. “She really is. I feel so bad that I have to leave her with Dad again,” I looked down at the papers with a sigh, hoping Katarina really didn’t mind being with my dad and that it wouldn’t have a bad impact on her life. “Y/n she is just fine. Your dad probably showers her with love and affection and shows her so many interesting things, she doesn’t even have time to miss you. It’s sad, but true,” Natasha said with a cheeky smile and I chuckled. “That’s great. I lost my daughter to my dad.” “Oh yeah, there’s no chance. You’re the best mom ever,” a soft kiss on my cheek and I was blushing. “I doubt that,” I chuckled and picked up a paper, trying to find the reason why this woman attacked all these cities. “Baby…” Natasha’s hand slipped around my waist pulling close to herself. She left a kiss on the side of my head before she spoke. “You do all of this stuff to make a better world for your little one, I don’t think you could be better than that,” she said and I leaned my head against her chest. “I just don’t want to miss out on her life by trying to make the world safe for her.” “You won’t, trust me.”
After hours of research and data collecting we finally found something. Hadria attacked Bucharest, Prague, Athens, and Rome. All of these places had Hydra research bunkers during World War 2, making it possible to have some super soldier serum hidden somewhere in those bunkers. “So we just have to find out where the old Hydra bunkers are and hope we get her at some point? There is basically a bunker in every big city in Europe, how are we gonna find her?” I leaned back in my seat, throwing the files on the table. “Maybe we could send her some signals to one particular base and she would go there as if there was something,” Natasha suggested and I thought about it. “You think that would work? What if we get James involved for real?” I came up with the idea again. “Do you think he would fight? Especially in a case like this?” She asked, leaning against the table, crossing her arms in front of her. “I don’t know. But he could help to fight them off for sure. He knows how they work,” I said and Nat seemed a little hesitant about the idea. ��I guess it’s worth a try,” she shrugged and she seemed very odd. “Yeah?” I asked, waiting for her response. “It’s just you guys haven’t seen each other in a long time… Things were different then,” she said awkwardly and I think she even clenched her jaw, looking very tense. “And things are different now,” I said and she didn’t say another word, just turned to the laptop. “You don’t have anything to worry about,” I brushed my hand along her arm. “Okay.”
In just hours we were on a Quinjet to Romania. Just the two of us, keeping Steve in the dark, hoping he won’t find out where we’re going. Natasha didn’t lose her tense behavior and I still didn’t understand why she was like that. James and I are clearly done with each other and I just asked her to move in with us.
We landed a little further from the town James was staying at and took a car to his location. “Do you think he’ll help us?” I asked Natasha, who was driving. “He would help you if you’d need it. I’m not sure he will come with us though,” she said and I nodded. “Yeah, I doubt that too.”
The ride to his apartment went by quickly and the closer we got the more nervous I became. I haven’t seen him in a long time and I just hope he’s in a good state.
We parked outside an older apartment building and I glanced down at my phone. “He’s supposed to be at level 8.” “Let’s go then,” Natasha walked ahead and I followed close behind. We both had a gun at us, but well hidden trying to look friendly even though we came in peace.
Once we reached his door, I stepped up and with a sigh knocked on the wooden door. There was no answer for a while and I knocked again. Nothing. I reached into my pocket and got the burner James put aside the letter he sent me a little while ago. “What are you doing?” Asked Natasha with a low voice. “I’m going to call him,” I dialed the only number in the phone then we heard the ringing from inside the apartment, and a couple of seconds later he picked up. “Yes?” He spoke. “I need to talk to you. Natasha and I are outside your apartment,” I said and heard him take a deep breath then hung up the phone. In moments the door opened and there was James. Cal on his head, long sleeve shirt covering his arms and he had leather gloves on, covering his hands. “Can we come in?” I asked and he stepped aside letting us into his apartment.
It was a very sad-looking flat. He only had a mattress on the floor, no proper bed. His kitchen was probably the most well equipped and I didn’t even see the bathroom yet. Windows covered with newspaper, barely letting any light in.
“What are you doing here? I told you my location for emergencies,” spoke James, clearly not happy that we were there. “I know, that’s why we’re here. You live here?” I asked, looking around once again, very sad that this is where he spends his days. “What, you expected a mansion with floor-to-ceiling windows and gold cutlery?” He asked sarcastically. “No, but at least a comfortable bed or something…” “What’s the emergency? Is Katarina okay?” He asked, changing the topic. “She’s good, we’re not because of her,” I reached for my bag, and got the fresh files for Bucky. “There’s a woman with a super soldier army. She has Vibranium armor made for them by a Black Market operator. And she makes weapons for them too,” I handed him the folder and he started to look through it. “There were multiple attacks in big European cities. We suspect she’s going after old Hydra bunkers, looking for more super soldier serum,” Natasha explained, arms crossed in front of her chest, very closed off, to say the least. “I heard about this. They were in Bucharest not long ago, I didn’t know they were super soldiers. How many?” “15.” He kept reading the report. “And how do I come into the picture?” Asked Bucky. “We thought you could help. Steve is not on the case and we could keep you a secret. We’re working with outsiders,” I explained and he glanced at Natasha. “Since when do you work with other people?” He asked more so from Natasha. “They’re Wakndanians, the Vibranium they stole belongs to them,” said Nat. “Do you have a plan?” He sat down on a chair nearby and took off his gloves.
“We track down every Hydra bunker and once we find the least dangerous to the nearby city, we send signals to them so they get there and we take them down,” I explained and he shook his head. “That’s not gonna work. Super soldier serums were only made at certain places. Maybe they are not even after the serum. Have you ever seen them in action? When they were in Bucharest, they rigged bombs and shot in crowds. They are looking for something, but I don’t think they would kill civilians for something they don’t even know about,” he suggested and I sighed. “Okay, then any ideas what they could be looking for?” I spread my arms, looking between Natasha and Bucky. “Maybe they are looking for someone,” spoke Natasha. Bucky shifted in his seat, already knowing where this was going. “Not specifically for you, maybe Steve. Maybe she wants to draw attention to one of you and lure you into her team,” Nat elaborated on her idea. I went through every option on how we could come out good in this situation. We could use Bucky as a decoy but I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy about that. Involving Steve is the last thing I want to do. “We find out where their next attack will be. If T’Challa can find Klaue in time, maybe he has something on her that could help us. I can make you a suit so you won’t be recognizable,” I pointed at Bucky and he just nodded. “Klaue is the dealer, right?” He asked and I said yes. “We have a safe house on the edge of town, you can come with us. Have a good night's sleep. In a bed,” Natasha nodded towards his pathetic mattress. “I’m fine here, don’t want to bother you guys,” he said, avoiding eye contact. “Bucky, please. It’s the least we could do after barging in on you,” I insisted and he looked at me with an unsure expression. “Alright, thank you,” he agreed with a tiny smile.
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scarletts-scribbles · 1 month
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Sleeping Beauty
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⁀➷ Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
⁀➷ Notes: Hey! I am so sorry this took so long! Things got busy and life was in the way so enjoy an almost 4k long saga of pure Nat fluff as a humble apology <3 (excuse editing mistakes, its too late :,)
⁀➷ Summary: The 5 times Natasha Romanoff falls asleep where she shouldn't and the 1 time she does.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
Falling asleep was usually done in a bed. Preferably a comfy bed with a large spread of blankets to nestle into. That was your idea of a good place to sleep at least. However, as you’d come to learn, Natasha wasn’t exactly picky on where she chose to sleep.
The first time it had happened, the two of you were on a long train journey across Europe. You had been tasked with a mission in Prague, and Natasha insisted on accompanying you – which of course, you didn’t object to. Despite the urgency of the mission, the train ride had offered a rare moment of respite from the chaos of your usual lives.
You were only a couple hours or so into the half-day long journey when Natasha had seemingly lost interest in the book she’d been reading over, shifting in her seat as she folded the corner of her page and set the book on the small accompanying table. The train the two of you were riding was fairly modern, which made a pleasant change for once, so the luxury having a table with your seats was definitely something she was going to make use of.
You glanced over down at her, observing her subtle movements. She caught your gaze and offered a small, mysterious smile before leaning back in her seat. She sat there for a moment before you heard her shift again, this time you felt Nat’s head come to rest against your shoulder, her whole body leaning into your direction as she cosied up to you.
“You quite comfy there?” You teased gently, earning herself a small laugh as the redhead hid a smile against your shoulder.
"Very comfy," She replied, her voice a low murmur that seemed to vibrate through your chest. "You make a good pillow."
The corners of your lips rose into an amused grin, “Is that so?” You rolled your eyes playfully as your hand came to settle on the back of her head, fingers running softly through her gorgeous red curls.
As the rhythmic clattering of the train wheels continued, Natasha's breathing gradually slowed, and you could feel the gentle rise and fall of her chest against your side. The next time you’d looked down at her, her eyes had fluttered closed. Not in the way that someone rests their eyes but in way that someone closed their eyes after they’d given into the lull of sleep.
My, my, Natasha Romanoff. How you weren’t going to forget this.
You stole glances at her every now and then, admiring the serene expression on her face as she surrendered to sleep. It was a side of Nat that few were privileged to see – she was vulnerable, peaceful, and utterly captivating. Her usually alert demeanour softened in slumber, her features smooth and unguarded. Usually, this type of vulnerability was reserved for spaces where she couldn’t be witnessed but here, she was, curled up on your shoulder, sound asleep for the world to see.
You didn’t dare to disturb her, afraid that any sudden movement might wake her up. Instead, you shifted slightly to find a more comfortable position, careful not to jostle your sleeping girlfriend too much.
But as time passed, you found yourself growing accustomed to the weight of her head against your shoulder, the warmth of her body seeping into yours. It was a sensation you hadn't expected to enjoy as much as you did, feeling oddly content in this shared moment.
・゚:
Now that was the thing about Natasha, she never failed to surprise you. Natasha Romanoff, the dangerous Black Widow herself. You could’ve never imagined she could possibly be so soft like this. It was from that moment onwards that you’d started to take a more thorough note of her sleeping habits.
The next memorable time had been only a few short weeks later. The pair of you had returned home from your mission and after a day or two settling back in, you both had to do the one thing every Avenger dreaded.
Mission reports.
They were just so boring! Of course, you understood why they were necessary for health and safety and such, but those reasons never seemed to be enough encouragement to sit from the hours of typing up, signing and filing documents. But it had to be done.
At least this time you had Natasha with you. The pair of you always did yours together anyway so being on joint missions just simplified the task. It wasn’t hard by any means, just very, very tedious.
You let out an exaggerated sigh as you stared at the mountain of paperwork in front of you, scattered across the table. Natasha, ever the professional, sat next to you, her expression stoic as she typed away on her laptop. The dim lighting in the room only added to the monotony of the task at hand.
"Nat, how do you manage to make something as bland as just typing sound so deadly?" You quipped, earning a small smirk from her, “You type with such assertion. It’s honestly impressive.”
She glanced at you over the rim of her reading glasses (the ones which you’d picked out for her even though she had insisted she hadn’t needed them) her green eyes locking onto yours. "Practice, darling. Lots and lots of practice."
As you both continue typing away, the monotony of the task begins to take its toll. After what felt like an eternity, Natasha finally pushed her laptop away and stretched, her muscles groaning in protest. "I think we've earned a break, don’t you?" She suggested, looking at the clock on the wall. "Why don't you go grab us some food? I'll stay here and finish up the last bit."
Relieved to escape the paperwork for a while, you agreed eagerly. "Food sounds good love. What are you in the mood for?"
She thought for a moment before replying, "Surprise me. Just nothing too greasy, please."
You nodded, standing up and stretching your own tired limbs. "Got it. Mind if I go take a short walk first, I could really use some fresh air, be back in a bit?"
“Yeah of course sweetheart,” Nat smiled and waved you off, “Take your time darling, we’re in no rush.”
You stretched out your arms as you stood up, shaking out the dull aches that had formed before moving round to Nat’s side of the table to plant a sneaky kiss to her cheek, “I won't be too long, maybe half an hour at the longest.”
Your kiss left her warm inside, and you shot her a small wave as you headed out the room. You hadn’t realised how tired you were until you’d started walking around the compound. The heating had been set so it would be comfortably warm for the two of you and the sudden chill of the outside air had you snapping awake. Going for a quick walk didn’t take long, all you really wanted to do was move around a little so after 15 minutes or so, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and made a pickup order at a local takeout place.
You’d decided pasta was a safe bet for dinner. Plus, you’d added a fruit smoothie for Natasha too. It didn’t take long to collect your food; it was only a short walk away and they’d actually made it fairly fast. In total you’d taken around 25 minutes or so, not too far from your estimate and you hummed to yourself casually as you made your way back the meeting room where you and Natasha had set up in.
As you approached the meeting room, you had to balance the bags of food in your arms, you pushed the door open gently, trying not to disturb Natasha in case she was still working. However, what you saw instead made your heart melt.
There she was, slouched over slightly in her chair, her head resting on folded arms with her curly red hair falling messily onto the desk. The dim reflection of light from her open laptop cast a gentle glow on her peaceful face, accentuating the tired lines that usually went unnoticed.
The sight of your girlfriend snoozing was adorable. You could never quite understand how just small redhead could be so cute. Gently, you reached out to brush a few strands of her tousled hair away from her face, helpless to stop your lips from forming into a soft smile.
The bags of takeout were momentarily forgotten as you carefully set them down on the nearest surface. Sitting down you turn her laptop to face you and quietly get on with completing what was left of her report. The weight of the day's responsibilities seemed to fade away as you typed, your prior displeasure being replaced by a quiet contentment in simply being with her.
It didn't take long to complete and after finishing up the report, you closed her laptop gently and put it away before you gathered the takeout bags and set them on the table, arranging the food neatly – it was still warm luckily.
With a tender smile, you leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Natasha's forehead, eliciting a soft murmur from her. It warmed your heart to see her so at ease, even amid her exhaustion.
Settling back into your chair, you allowed yourself a moment to simply watch her slowly come round from sleep and as Nat stirred awake, blinking sleepily, you couldn't help but chuckle softly at her drowsy expression. "Hey there, sleepyhead," you whispered affectionately, reaching for her hand. "Dinner's ready whenever you are."
・゚:
Some people like to say that twice is coincidence but three’s a pattern. And this was certainly a pattern if you’d ever seen one. But you never expected it to happen twice in the same day. Of course it wasn’t a bad thing or anything, if anything you found it adorable that she trusted you enough to be vulnerable and open around.
You loved that she was so comfortable around you. And that comfortability really came to show a few months later when the pair of you had headed down to the gym to train together. The gym had become your shared haven, a place where the two of you could escape the stresses of daily life and focus on the physical and mental benefits of training.
On this particular day, the gym was buzzing with activity. The rhythmic sound of weights clinking and the occasional thud of medicine balls hitting the floor filled the air, Clint and Thor could also be heard grunting and throwing playful insults as they sparred together. Natasha and you decided to take residency in your usual corner.
As you both warmed up, you couldn't help but notice that Nat seemed a bit more fatigued than usual. You could see the exhaustion in her eyes, the subtle signs of a restless night, and the weariness that clung to her movements. Now that you thought about it, you faintly remembered being woken up by her tossing and turning and you began to wonder if she had even managed to get any sleep at all. You couldn't help but worry about pushing herself too hard.
"Come on, Natasha," you said, concern lacing your voice. "We can take it easy today. It's okay to rest. We don't have to push ourselves so hard every time."
But Nat only flashed you a tired smile, appreciating your concern. "I know, but I need this today. It's my way of clearing my mind and getting a bit of release.”
You nodded but as the session progressed, you made sure to keep a watchful eye over her, just to make sure she wasn't overexerting herself – you knew exactly just how she could get carried away. Yet despise her obvious fatigue, the two of you moved seamlessly through various sets of weights, pushing each other to improve.
Eventually, it was obvious you both needed a short break. Natasha stretched, taking deep breaths to regain some energy. You suggested finding a quiet spot to rest for a few minutes, and she agreed. You both settled down, and Nat leaned against the wall, closing her eyes briefly. After a few minutes the fatigue seemed to catch up with her all at once. She let out a soft sigh, and without intending to she let her head drop and gave into the exhaustion that had been lingering since the night before.
You observed as Natasha's breathing steadied, her features relaxing as she drifted into an unexpected slumber. A small smile played on your lips as you realised just how tired she must have been to actually fall asleep amongst the general clatter of background noise.
“You with me Widow?” You cooed in a low voice, hand coming to move aside a strand of sweat soaked hair from her face, biting back a smile as when she slowly woke back up, mumbling something incoherant to herself before looking up at you through sleepy eyes, “Awh look at you nodding off like that, come on baby, that’s enough for one day.”
You gently helped Natasha to her feet, supporting her as she rubbed her eyes and stretched. She blinked groggily, her eyes meeting yours. A faint grin tugged at the corners of her lips, appreciating the care in your voice.
“You awake enough to go get something to eat or do you wanna go get cosy on the sofa for a bit?”
“Can we watch a movie or something?” Natasha murmured softly, her hand finding your own and intwining her fingers in your own.
Of course you agreed. Nothing sounded better than to cosy up and snuggle whilst you watched a film together. It was especially nice considering how it’d give Nat a chance to unwind a little, finally letting her actually rest. Not just saying shes resting then going about her day as usual like she’d normally do.
You settled onto the sofa, Natasha snuggling close, her head finding a comfortable spot in your lap. Gently, you began to massage her scalp, feeling the tension slowly dissipate under your touch. The soft glow of the TV illuminated the room as you scrolled through the movie options, eventually settling on Lion King, knowing it was one of her favourites.
The movie began to play in the background, but your all attention was on the peaceful expression settling across Nat's face.
“Oh my sleepy baby girl, again?” You whispered knowingly, recognising the way that her blinking began to slow, taking longer and longer for her to reopen her eyes, “Natty sweetheart, if you’re this tired do you not want to go up to bed? It’d be a lot comfy than sleeping on me my love.” You asked, your hand finding its way to her hair, gently massaging her head of red curls.
Your question fell on deaf ears however as Natasha had already given in and let herself fall back asleep. This wasn’t a problem of course, for now you’d be content to hold and watch over her as long as she needed.
・゚:
By now you’d gotten used to Natasha’s sleeping patterns by now. It was an endearing habit by now. Still despite everything, she’d never complain or whine, always content just to fall asleep where she was.
You’d always reminded her that she only had to ask and you’d be more than happy to get cuddled up in her bed with, but she’d never found it in herself to ask.
Your favourite time it happened was only recently. You and Natasha were attending one of Stark’s galas, truthfully the pair of you didn’t really care much for them but Tony had insisted on everyones attendance so you’d both decided to dress up for the occasion.
Natasha looked stunning, her gorgeous curves being accentuated by a beautiful black dress. You were beyond proud to have her on your arm.
As you entered the grand ballroom, Nat's soft hand in your own, you couldn't help but feel a surge of admiration for her. The way she carried herself with such confidence and grace never failed to captivate you.
The dim lights and elegant decor created the perfect backdrop for the event. As the gala continued the unfold, the two of you shared tales, whispered secrets, and effortlessly danced the night away. The drinks seemed to flow endlessly. Eventually you made the smart decision to switch to plain soda, meanwhile Natasha kept going.
Seeing her like this certainly wasn’t something you were used to. “I’m Russian, I can handle it.” This was her usual go to phrase when it came to drinking. You’d never seen her like this, spinning around your arms dizzily as a vodka-fuelled blush danced across her cheeks.
Despite her insistence that she was fine, you couldn't ignore the signs of her growing inebriation. Her once graceful dances turned into playful stumbles, and her words started to slur.
“Nooo, I’m fine, really, come, come dance with me.” Natasha smiled giddily, letting her hands flow over you and she span.
With a playful smile, she urged you to join her on the dance floor once again. As you twirled around together. The spinning and laughter continued until, inevitably, fatigue slowly began to creep in.
In the quiet moments between songs, she leaned on you, her eyes betraying the weariness beneath the intoxication.
You took this as sign to ease her away and you’d managed to get her settled in a small seating area away from the main floor. Now that she’d slowed down, she finally seemed to feel the effect of her drinks hit her. Her wide-pupils gazed up at the ceiling, adorably rambling off in incoherent babbles.
“Do you think we should get you to bed darling?” You smiled innocently, your hand slipping down her dress to rest against her slightly overheated skin.
She closed her eyes, still smiling up at you “Mm’ just fine here wi’ my favourite pilla’.”
“Your favourite ‘pilla’, hm baby?” You chuckled, shaking your head as she sleepily cuddled into your shoulder.
As Natasha drifted into a tipsy slumber, you couldn’t help but cradle her gently, even though this may not have been the most convenient of situations but you were certainly going to enjoy it.
・゚:
Now all things eventually come to an end. Movies, books, and for the two of you, Nat’s little habit was about to be broken.
She’d come home late that night looking a look paler than usual, well, pale for Natasha’s standards anyway. When she’d left this morning her hair had been beautifully plaited, now her curls just hung loosely by her shoulders.
Nat shuffled into the living room where you’d been perched up with a book, kicking off her shoes and letting her bag fall to the floor as she came and nestled into your side.
“Long day?” You murmured softly, setting your book aside as you opened up the fluffy grey blanket you’d had previously draped over your knees to allow her to snuggle beneath it instead.
She simply nodded, biting back the urge to whine, “I hate those stupid meetings.” She grumbled, her voice holding the dragging weight of exhaustion.
Governor meetings were something every Avenger had to attend. They were painstakingly private about it meaning you were never allowed to accompany each other to them. The meetings varied a little from person to person but the main just of it was answering a long series of very repetitive questions and going through countless past missions and their details. Having to sit and listen as some fancy higher ups tried to pick you apart for every individual detail and mistake - and well, with Nat’s reputation of being constantly on Ross’s nerves, they weren’t going to go easy on her.
Nat rubbed her temples, a headache pounding behind her eyes. "And the fluorescent lights in that room... ugh, they're the worst," she added, wincing at the memory of the harsh glare. Her voice was a little raspy, most likely the result of having to constantly explain herself to idiots for the entire day.
You gently massaged her shoulders, feeling the tension in her muscles, “Do you want me to get you anything for that headache my sweet girl?” Your voice was kept low as your offered, not wanting to run the risk of making it any worse.
Your girlfriend sighed, leaning into your soothing touch. "Just some water would be nice," she replied, her eyes closing momentarily. After handing her a glass of water, you noticed her head nodding forwards slightly as she fought to stay awake.
"You look like you could use some rest," you suggested gently, anticipating her usual move to drift off to sleep on you whilst you stayed cuddled on the sofa.
But to your surprise, the redhead looked up at you with a faint, almost anxious smile. “Could you... carry me to bed?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, clear vulnerability thickening her tone.
You weren’t sure you’d heard her correctly at first. You asked her to repeat herself to which she barely mouthed her prior words. You were helpless to stop your heart from melting at her request, realising just how drained the poor thing must be feeling. "Of course, my dear," you replied tenderly, carefully scooping her up into your arms, cradling her close as you carefully made your way into your bedroom, “I told you Natty, I’ll always be here to take you to bed.”
There it was, the moment Nat had finally asked to actually go to bed for once. It was a long time coming and you’d loved being with her for every step of the way, even if it had involved her falling asleep in some pretty less-than normal places.
As you laid her down on the bed, Natasha snuggled into the pillows, a contented sigh escaping her lips. "Thank you," she murmured sleepily, her heavy eyes already drifting shut.
With a soft smile, you pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Anytime my love. Just close those eyes and get some rest, I'll be right here the whole time."
And right there you stayed, arms wrapped around her and the woman you loved slept against your chest in your shared bed. Finally she was getting the rest she deserved and there was nowhere else you’d ever want to be.
・゚:*
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spiderfunkz · 3 months
Text
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where the avengers team thought it was a good idea to spend the holidays in your cabin by the woods. where they know you and nat won't get along well, but hey, it's not an avengers holiday without a bit of drama.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where she secretly gets jealous when steve holds you by the waist to help you balance while you put the star on top of the tree. where she'll 'accidentally' spill hot chocolate on your shirt so you can borrow one of hers, because apparently 'hers fit you the best'.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where you find her up late at night drinking half of your bottle of wine. where she'll complain that she couldn't sleep because it was 'too cold'. where you'll eventually join her to the point you're both drunk and laughing, where you actually start to get along for once.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where all of that wine makes natasha drunkenly confess to you. and since you have been drinking the wine too you didn't process it correctly. but as everyone says, drunk words are just sober thoughts. thoughts that both you and nat have been hiding.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where nat wakes up in your bed with you sleeping beside her, her head dizzy from last nights wine. she must've complained too much about her room being too cold to the point you suggest sleeping in your bed together.
where you wake up with nat staring at you confused, rubbing her head. "what are you doing in my bed?" you groan, rubbing your eyes as you try to remember what led to this. "you snore loudly." she replies, causing you to roll your eyes. "get out of my bed. you have your own room here." you stare, natasha smirks teasingly before getting out of your bed.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where a small saying leads into a heated argument. too heated the point nat pins you near one of the door frames that leads to a hallway. where you'll send her a flirty remark before looking up to see she's under a mistletoe you strategically hung.
enemies to lovers with natasha . . . where she'll look up to see the mistletoe, one of her hands still pinning you against the door frame. "are you scared of a little fake plant?" you'll challenge her, "no." the tension between you and her growing. "well then do it." you smirk, "do what?" — "kiss me." and so she did, which left you speechless and blushing.
"do you want me to do that again? this mistletoe isn't going anywhere."
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requested by @patriphagy ! (my reqs for nat r open btw)
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dawnoftime22 · 14 days
Text
thief.
| N.R
Warnings: None
Summary: When you go about making your meal for breakfast, it had mysteriously disappeared, leading to an obvious suspect of a redhead.
Word Count: 784
Category: fluff<3
A/N: I've missed writing fluff very very much and this was for @ncsdlr, inspired by their post of nat so here's a cute short little fic about it :]
| Started on 06/03/2024, 5:53 AM |
| Finished on 06/03/2024, 8:58 AM |
Main Masterlist | N.R Masterlist
“What's yours is mine, is it not?"
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|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|
You stood in the kitchen, making a delicious sandwich for breakfast and maybe even to enjoy later after training if you don't finish.
At the moment, you were alone up until Thor walks in, going off to the pantry cabinet, assumingly looking for a poptart or cereal for his morning breakfast.
You turn from your plate of sandwich, walking to the fridge and opening it to grab some water. But when you close it and go back to take a bite of your food, it had disappeared, only a few crumbs of the bread and the sauce you put a trace of evidence of your sandwich that once existed right there.
"What the...Where did my sandwich go?" Your voice was full of confusion and shock as you blink, staring at it. Then, you look around, and notice Thor first, standing in the kitchen with you.
"Thor," you say, your expression deadpanned, and he pops his head out from behind the cabinet door, his mouth open in the way you called his name. He hadn't done anything, and even just by the tone of your voice, he knew you were accusing him of something.
Then he notices your empty plate that had a delicious looking sandwich he once saw when he walked in. You couldn't have finished it in seconds. That's when he figured out why you looked a little ticked.
"I did no such thing! I have been standing right here, and my hands are empty." He gestured with his hands, his face in utter disbelief. Your eyebrows furrow further in thought.
"Who is it then?" You raised your hands, your eyes still focused on him. He grabs a box of pop tarts out from the cabinet, opening it to slide a packet out. He looks up at you before going to the microwave, but he stops in his tracks.
"Just make...another one." He pauses in between his words as he notices a redhead passing by, holding an oddly similar sandwich to yours, chewing carelessly. He was too afraid to point it out, knowing the assassin might just kill him if he does.
But you see his eyes following something behind you rather than looking directly at you, so you slowly turn to look at who was there.
A small gasp escapes you. Natasha, stood right beside your empty plate, having come from nowhere. She was staring right at you, holding the exact sandwich you had just made minutes ago, that had disappeared.
"Thief," you exclaim, walking closer to the kitchen island where she's at and putting your hand on it, holding yourself against it. She swallows before speaking up.
"It's not stealing if you left it there," she shrugs, the sandwich moving along with her hand, and you had to process her words for a moment until you let out a small laugh.
"That's the same thing." You tilt your head slightly as you said it, her sentence making no sense. If it was anyone else, you might have already chased them around the room already to retrieve your sandwich.
"Why didn't you just make one yourself?" Thor had left the kitchen by now, enjoying his pop tart by himself while you and Nat continued your playful conversation.
"It's not the same," she says, and at that, you shake your head. Her face was calm, but her eyes held a hint of teasing.
"Well, then, you could have just asked," you mumble. Nat stays quiet, studying your face. She could have just asked, but she also loved poking at you for fun.
"Now I need to make another one." You complained as you pick up your plate, about to go grab the loaf of bread once again while your stomach complained at the late breakfast.
"You can have it back." She holds out the sandwich to you, even though it was clear she had already eaten more than you thought she had.
"No, you've already had a bite of it, keep it." Or more so, multiple bites. You wave your free hand that wasn't holding the plate dismissively, not minding since it was well...Nat, but you were a tinge upset.
She sees the adorable pout your face held, and a small smile tugs at the corners of her lips.
"I'll make one for you, how's that?" Nat stands up from the barstool standing tall for the kitchen island, moving to the counters to grab the ingredients. When she turns her head to look over her shoulder, she takes your smile as an acceptance.
Later on, the two of you enjoyed your sandwiches that you had, one being 'accidentally' made for the other, and one being especially made for the other.
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imaginedanvrs · 2 months
Text
where did you go?
part 1, part 2 l masterlist
natasha x reader. after a week of your worst nightmares coming to life, you come back a different person and Natasha tries desperately to retrieve your old self. but you just don't let her
word count: 9k
warnings: mentions of kidnapping and torture (not in the kinky way this time), canon marvel type injuries, shock, dissociative amnesia, depression, break up, alcoholism
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The world around Natasha thrummed endlessly as she continued to climb past the speed limit that she took no care for. Even in her state of distress, she maintained the reflexes and awareness that made her one of the few people who could drive so fast down the cramped street without issue (or fine) until she pulled up as close as she could to the city hospital. The redhead knew the way to the ward they kept you on as precisely as she did her own home, having been to that very building enough times for her teammates. She had always prayed against all odds that she would never have to go there for you, especially since you disappeared a week prior. 
  “Miss Romanoff?” A timid nurse asked when Natasha crossed her path.
  “Where is she?” Natasha demanded at once as she scanned the immediate area. 
  “Room six, but I should warn you-” the nurse called but the redhead had already started down the corridor towards your room, ignoring the warning that would have made the next few minutes marginally easier to process. 
  “Malysh,” Natasha breathed her first sigh of relief in a week as she stepped into your room and closed the door behind her without looking away. Your head was turned towards the window on the opposite side of the room and you didn’t acknowledge the sound of your girlfriend’s voice. Natasha simply assumed you were asleep at first and crept across the room to the chair, pausing when she saw your eyes were open but that they didn’t appear quite right. They were unfocused and frozen and the Avenger realised with a sharp pang that there was no brightness to them. It wasn’t just your eyes either. 
  “Hey,” your girlfriend greeted tentatively as she sat down and watched you with great apprehension. You were paler than she had ever seen and the scratches that Natasha would have usually tended to were the least of her concerns. 
  “Hey,” you whispered back, your gaze remaining locked on the window. Natasha willed herself to smile at the mere fact she had received some kind of response. 
  “It’s okay, I’m here,” she continued as she took your frail hand in her own.
  “M’here,” you repeated. Natasha’s weak smile faltered. 
  “Y/n?” She asked, watching you closely as she felt her entire body freeze in anticipation.
  “Y/n,” you repeated again though your voice was indicating that you were already growing tired. Natasha didn’t have a response of her own to that, she merely stared at the blank features of the woman she adored. 
  “Miss Romanoff?” A new voice called. Natasha tore her eyes away from you and turned to the door where a doctor was making her way into the room with a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure you’ve got some concerns.”
  “Tell me yours first,” the redhead said adamantly, wanting answers instead of pity. Pity wasn’t going to help either of you and she needed to know what she had to do to get you back to her. 
  “We’re not too concerned about the physical injuries. She’s got some broken ribs and some lung damage we want to monitor but she’s going to be alright,” the doctor informed as she glanced your way. 
  “She doesn’t look alright,” Natasha commented bluntly. 
  “Look…a’right,” you echoed on cue. 
  “It might be shock,” the doctor said with an edge of uncertainty that told Natasha the doctor was relatively new to delivering news like that. If she wasn’t so impatient for answers she would have been gentler with the young woman. 
  “Or?” She pushed. 
  “Miss l/n is scheduled for a scan tomorrow to rule out brain damage.” An uneasy silence filled the room for a few uncomfortable moments as Natasha struggled to process what the news meant while avoiding looking directly at you, suddenly unwilling to see your dull eyes that couldn’t meet her own. But she didn’t let go of your hand, even if it was unnaturally still and cold. 
  “So if it’s just shock, she’ll snap out of it?” The Avenger queried, as though she wasn’t only preparing for the worst outcome. You had always been the optimist in the relationship. 
  “With time, yes,” the doctor confirmed with a confidence Natasha was glad to hear. 
  “And if it’s not,” she pushed. 
  “Then we’ll assess her for the best course of action.” Natasha thought that sounded as though it was fresh out of a med school textbook. 
  “Okay,” she nodded. “Thank you.” 
  “She’s in the best place right now,” the doctor added upon seeing Natasha’s clear agitation. 
  “Thanks,” she repeated, knowing there was no denying that fact. Even the Avengers came to hospitals when they needed urgent attention as there were only so many resources and personnel at the tower or even the S.H.I.E.L.D base. 
  With a polite nod, the doctor left Natasha in your company. The redhead still didn’t look at you, even when you began to mutter again. “Six’een…four…” you continued on as though you were giving your girlfriend some kind of code just to see her sweat to solve it despite spending a sleepless week doing exactly that as she pulled every recourse into finding you. She had failed. When the hospital had rang her, they told Natasha briefly about how a vehicle had pulled up just a couple feet short of the ER entrance and left you there. She hadn’t found you, your captors had simply given back your corpse. 
  “It’s okay,” Natasha whispered, her vision blurring as she pulled out her phone with her free hand and forced herself to do something proactive instead of just sitting there waiting to see how bad the news she would receive in a few days would be. 
  “S’kay,” you copied as Natasha sent out an abundance of messages to her team and other useful contacts about your arrival at the hospital, willing at least one of them to be able to track down the people in that vehicle. She couldn’t let herself be consumed by anger and revenge in that moment, not when she needed to stay by your side, but Natasha found it challenging to put those impulse feelings aside when your hand felt weightless. She brought your knuckles up to her lips and placed a tender kiss to them just as a tear rolled onto your hand. 
  “Yeah,” she breathed out, letting herself imagine for a moment that your words were your own. “You’re gonna get better and we’ll go home and I think we should go away on a trip once you feel up for it,” she continued to believe. 
  “Trip,” you picked up. 
  “Exactly, baby,” Natasha smiled through her increasing tears. Your face remained blank. 
  Natasha stayed in that uncomfortable hospital chair for the rest of the day and through another sleepless night with you. Once it got past midnight and you showed no signs of taking your focus off of the window and letting yourself rest, one of the nurses gave you some medication to help and an hour later you were finally asleep. She should have been relieved at the sight, but it only made Natasha wonder how much of your time away you had spent unconscious. What the fuck had they done to you? Maybe it was for the best that she didn’t know until you were ready to tell her about it, though that was hard to believe given how many torture methods Natasha knew of and could picture vividly being inflicted on you. She always thought she could keep you safe from ever being subject to those darker horrors in the world, and instead it had made you captive to them. 
  “I can feel your insomnia from here,” Wanda called, snapping Natasha out of one of her rare trances of being stuck in her own head. “Sorry, I knocked,” the Sokovian added as she lingered by the door and her gaze flickered to you. “They told me what’s going on,” Wanda continued as she made her way across the room to the chair next to Natasha. “You should go home and get some rest while she’s getting the scan. I’ll stay,” she offered as she sat down and finally looked at you properly. The shock that flashed quickly across her features was not lost on Natasha. 
  “Sixteen…four…thirty…” you muttered as you stared straight ahead.
  “She keeps doing that,” Natasha said. “Can’t you do something?” It was the first time Wanda had ever heard her mentor sound so helpless and it took her a moment to force herself not to give Natasha a sympathetic smile. “Can’t you just reach in and pull her out?” The redhead continued as she stared at Wanda. 
  “I don’t think I should risk making it worse,” the brunette admitted as you continued to mutter disjointed numbers to yourself. 
  “You think that’s possible?” Natasha asked with a hint of disdain. Wanda knew her teammate wasn’t frustrated at you, but if she allowed her sleep deprived state to take control of her emotions then she would only become more bitter. 
  “I think that her mind is fragile and now is not the time to go rooting around in it,” Wanda stated with a bluntness that Natasha needed to hear. She didn’t respond and the pair sat in silence for a while until several nurses came into the room to take you away and Natasha immediately stood up to follow. “Nat,” Wanda called with a gentle hold on her arm. “Go home. We’re not going to get any answers straight away and if we do I’ll call you,” Wanda tried to reason but the redhead refused without any real consideration. 
  “Can you just get some clean clothes and my toothbrush? I’m not going anywhere,” Natasha insisted as she went to follow the nurses but Wanda pulled her back once more. Natasha felt her anger boil over and was about to make some demands she would regret but thankfully never got the chance to voice them because Wanda pulled her into a tight hug. She froze instinctively until her muscles trembled under the stress and embraced the younger hero. 
  “I don’t know what to do without her,” Natasha admitted as tears welled in her eyes for the umpteenth time. 
  “She’ll be back soon and she’ll need you when she is. Go get some rest,” Wanda spoke into her shoulder until Natasha gradually pulled away with a weak smile. 
  “Not yet,” she said, wiping her tears defiantly and starting down the hall after you. 
*
“So she’s fine?” Natasha asked as she stared down at your unchanged features several days later. She frowned, admittedly having only prepared herself for the worst possible answers from the doctors and wasn’t quite sure how to handle the fact that you were merely in deep shock. It was good news, of course. It was just something that no amount of medicine would cure, nor was there a clear path for Natasha to walk with you to bring you back to your original state. How was she meant to find you? 
  “We’re arranging some meetings for her to see a psychologist and ideally she’ll be discharged in a few days,” the doctor informed. 
  “Right,” Natasha muttered. Bringing you home would be for the best. You would rest in your own bed, eat your comfort food and watch your favourite shows. She would run you a bath and use your favourite bubblebath that had been discontinued months ago when Natasha had hidden one away for when she thought you would need it most. She would take you on the walk routes you always enjoyed the most and hold your hand tight so that you had nothing to fear. She’d listen when you were eventually ready to talk about your week away. She would help you get better. 
  You stirred from your sleep and Natasha observed you closely. Usually she didn’t even realise when you woke up because you remained just as still until you began to mutter again, but that time you shifted in the bed and the only sound to be heard was the small grunt of discomfort at the back of your throat. “Detka?” Your girlfriend called.When your eyes slowly opened, they met hers. “Hey,” she greeted with a smile of relief and moved closer, causing the chair to screech and you to flinch. Natasha winced at your reaction but didn’t let it deter her. “How are you feeling?” She asked, taking your change as hope that you would respond. 
  “Tired,” you whispered as you took in her dishevelled appearance. She was still the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. You reached out tentatively and stroked her cheek with the back of your pointer finger, finding her soft skin to be the familiarity you needed along with her voice and smile. 
  “I bet,” she chuckled softly. You looked exhausted though she would never tell you that. “I missed you,” she told you, searching your eyes for the glimmer of adoration she always saw in them when you looked at her. They were just as dull as they had been a few days prior and when you offered her a small smile, that also failed to reach your eyes. 
  She’s been through a lot, Natasha told herself when she felt her uneasiness arise. “They said you can come home soon,” she told you when you didn’t respond. You nodded a little and looked away from the redhead to take in the small room and the busy hallway outside. Natasha watched as you turned your attention elsewhere and tried to push aside the pang she felt in her chest. There were a lot of feelings coming too close to the surface that she didn’t want or expect. Nothing about the scenes that had been playing out in that hospital bed had been as Natsha expected. 
  “Do you want me to get someone?” Natasha asked in an attempt to get any kind of response from you again but you simply shook your head. For the first time since Natasha had met you, she didn’t know what to say. 
  “You look tired,” you commented after several silent minutes. 
  “I haven’t slept,” Natasha admitted with an honesty she had always promised to have about her wellbeing. 
  “Maybe you should go home,” you said without looking at her. Your girlfriend stared at your side profile, not quite believing what you had said. Did you not want her there?
  “Are you sure?” She asked, not having anticipated leaving the hospital grounds unless you were with her. 
  “Yeah, go get some sleep,” you encouraged with another disguised smile. 
  “Okay,” Natasha said, standing slowly. “Just call me if you need me,” she placed your phone down on the bed next to you. The screen had been replaced. It used to be covered in scratches but perhaps it had cracked badly when you were taken so Natasha had it fixed. Or maybe it was a new phone entirely. 
  “Yeah,” you agreed though somehow Natasha wasn’t convinced you would. 
  “I love you,” she told you at the door. 
  “I love you too,” you didn’t hesitate to reply and noticed the redhead’s shoulders dip slightly. You felt bad at that, knowing that in practically asking her to go you were giving her more reason to worry when she had no doubt done enough of that, but you couldn’t bring yourself to handle her doting presence in that moment. 
  You were overwhelmed and struggling to ignore the flashes of your captivity as bile rose in your throat. You weren’t there anymore, you were safe. There was no reason to keep thinking about it, but you couldn’t stop. Sixteen. It was far too much, too intense. The room was too bright and even Natasha’s lingering presence filled the space too much after so much solitude. Four. It was too loud outside, too open, too much air, not enough. I can’t breathe. Then the machines next to you joined the chaos and suddenly you weren’t alone again. There was so much going on, so much to process. Voices were calling but you didn't want to listen. 
  I can’t do this, just turn it all off. 
  And then it was settled. Everything was peaceful and indifferent. It was manageable and the storm finally stilled. You breathed out and felt the air rush gently past your lips as you settled back into the pillow that cushioned your head and felt the sheets under your fingertips. It’s okay, you thought even though you couldn’t quite place how you ended up in a hospital bed. 
  Sixteen, four, thirty, nine. That was all you could recall.
  The memories returned in patches throughout the day, building and building until you found yourself far too high up and stumbled off of that sharp ledge again. That happened four more times before you went home. 
*
Natasha was good to you as you recovered. Too good. She was patient, understanding, helpful and incredibly caring and you offered her very little in response. She continued to come and visit you though only for a few hours at a time, able to tell when you became too tired and had enough of any company. It hurt her everytime she left, more so as she didn’t know it hurt you too. You didn’t know how to tell her that. You didn’t know how to express how overwhelming it was to have the flashes of your torture strike you like a knife even though you were always waiting on edge for it to hit. 
  Natasha wasn’t entirely oblivious to it all. She saw how your heartbeat was always unusually high on the monitors just like your blood pressure when anyone came to check it. She knew that you didn’t sleep unless you were given something to help and that you rejected the tablets more often than not. She noticed how you constantly eyed the door and the tiles in the ceiling. She knew that you weren’t eating or drinking enough and how laboursome it was just to go to the bathroom and back. Your girlfriend could tell you were struggling, she just didn’t know how much because you wouldn’t tell her. 
  On the day you were discharged, you dreaded going home because it would be harder for you to hide your episodes and nightmares Natasha had yet to witness. You felt guilty for not seeking comfort in your shared apartment with your girlfriend and you really couldn’t have asked for her to be any more supportive about the whole ordeal, so why couldn’t you simply lean into it? 
  The first thing you noticed when you stepped into your apartment was the strong smell of disinfectant that meant Natasha had gone on one of her cleaning frenzies in your absence. She only ever did that on the rare occasions she had some time off from work and you weren’t around and once you had even come back to her scrubbing the ceiling. You had told her to get a hobby and she had threatened to throw the bowl of dirty was over you. 
  Natasha began saying something about ordering takeout to which you silently nodded as you took in the apartment like the first day you moved in together. It didn’t have the same homey feeling you once got the moment you stepped through the door, nor did it provide you the same comfort you could seek after a hard day. First your girlfriend and then your home, why did nothing so stable and familiar feel safe? You breathed out steadily, heading for the bathroom as you felt the panic spread through your nerves and missing Natasha’s concern as she watched you go. 
  The rest of the evening continued on those unsteady grounds that the redhead was cautious to step on. Once the meal arrived and Natasha put one of your favourite shows on the tv, she sat down on the sofa you always curled up together on and stared at her food container when she noticed you sit down on the arm chair that only ever seemed to be used by guests. You didn’t acknowledge the tv much and only picked at your food, feeling Natasha’s gaze on you even when she tried to be subtle. You never used to, but your paranoia made you conscious of things like that.
  “Do you want me to run you a bath? I kept a bottle of that bubble bath that was discontinued,” Natasha offered and you suddenly became aware of how little you were giving back to her.
  “No thanks,” you muttered, feeling a queasiness come on. 
  “What can I do to help you?” She asked after a long beat passed. You didn’t look at her because you knew that if you did you would see a face that would only make you feel more guilty. She just wanted to help and you honestly had no idea how to let her do so. “Do you want to talk to Kate? Or Wanda? Or-” Natasha suggested after sumising that you weren’t going to open up to her any time soon and she didn’t want you to keep things to yourself longer than necessary. 
  “No,” you cut her off. You had absolutely no intention of reliving the past week to anyone, you just wanted to forget about it. 
  “That therapist’s office isn’t far and it’s not until late morning so I was thinking we could-” 
  “I’m not going,” you interrupted again and carried the first clear defiance Natasha had seen on you in months. 
  “Why?” She pushed with a frown.
  “I don’t want to talk to a shrink,” you insisted. The irony of that wasn’t lost on the redhead. She had said the same thing numerous times ever since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D.
  “You should talk to someone,” Natasha pushed, unknowingly aggravating you further.
  “Why? It won’t change anything. Most of the time I can’t remember it anyway,” you told her as you actively avoided her searching gaze. 
  “That sounds like all the more reason to go,” Natasha frowned. She was no psychologist herself, but she knew that wasn’t normal. “Please, y/n,” she pushed as new worries sprang to the front of her mind. 
  “No, Nat. It’s my choice,” you snapped, putting your mostly untouched meal down and getting up from the chair without letting your girlfriend get another word in. 
  “Fuck,” Natasha muttered as she heard you close the bedroom door, making your message clear. She’s pushing me away, Natasha realised with a sense of dread, and it was because she was trying to help. 
  Natasha slept on the sofa that night, forcing herself to give you the space you clearly needed. She was restless and awake more than asleep as she considered everything she could that you would want. It shouldn’t have been so hard for someone who had known you for so many years and dated you for three of them to figure out what support you needed, until Natasha recalled the dullness that hadn’t lifted from your eyes in the past week. It wasn’t the you she was used to, it was someone else, someone she didn’t know. 
  The moment a small whimper could be heard from the bedroom, the spy sat bolt upright on the sofa and listened closely for you, finetuning her senses the way she had been trained to. Another whimper closely followed and Natasha’s fears forced her to her feet and through the apartment, anticipating the worst as she grabbed the handgun concealed in the kitchen and threw open the bedroom door. She didn’t relax when she assessed that you weren’t in danger, finding your distress equally alarming. 
  “Hey,” Natasha said gently as she put the gun down and crouched in front of your sweating form. You were crying out weakly as you struggled against the duvet you had gotten wrapped around you in your unconscious panic. Natasha swiftly untangled you from your bindings and in doing so woke you up. The way you kicked away from your girlfriend upon seeing her stand over you would be an image Natasha wouldn’t be able to forget for some time, even as she gave you her assurance. “It’s just me, you’re safe,” she told you. 
  You panted as you stared back at Natasha with wide eyes until it eventually clocked in your mind that her words were the truth. “Hey,” she greeted again as she tentatively sat on the edge of the bed. You made no move to embrace her like you used to after a bad dream, only glancing around the room as your breathing began to steady. “If you want to talk about it I’m-” 
  “No,” you denied without hearing her out. “But…” you started with uncertainty. “If you want to stay…” you shrugged and Natasha understood that that was the closest she was going to get to an invitation. She smiled in the dark and slipped into the bed beside you as you lay back down without closing the space that seemed too grande to the redhead and cramped to you. It was a compromise that Natasha hoped would put you on the right track. 
*
Another week passed without any progress on finding your captors. Natasha rarely left the apartment so all of the chasing she did was done on her own laptop from the sofa while you distanced yourself in the bedroom. She had agents and teammates following up on any leads she found but they all came up empty. The redhead had only asked you once if there were any details about your captors or where you were kept that you could remember though you shut her down quick enough for Natasha to know it was best not to ask again. 
  Natasha was beginning to suspect that the only way she could bring you any comfort was to kill the people that took you because you were responding less and less to her approaches while isolating yourself more. You wouldn’t go to therapy, even when it was suggested you could attend online and you declined any visitors that came to see you. You rarely stepped foot outside the bedroom and never left the apartment. You weren’t eating or drinking enough or washing as much as you used to. You didn’t even show any interest in the tv, adamant on spending most hours in bed by yourself. You wouldn’t let her comfort you after your nightmares and had yet to witness any of your episodes that you locked yourself in the bathroom to endure. You wouldn’t accept help and you weren’t getting better. 
  “Hi,” Wanda greeted Natasha with a warm hug. 
  “Thanks for coming,” the redhead said as she glanced in the direction of your room that was starting to feel less like a shared space. “She won’t want to see you though,” Natasha warned. 
  “I remember how that felt,” Wanda shrugged simply. “She needs this,” she said as she walked through the apartment with Natasha following a few steps behind. 
  “Hey, y/n,” Wanda greeted gently after knocking several times. Natasha watched from the doorway as the younger hero ventured into the dark room and over to the curtains that she pulled back half way. You didn’t respond, merely pulling the duvet up in hopes that Wanda would take the hint and leave you alone. She didn’t, deciding to open a window an inch to let the cool autumn air in. 
  “I brought you bubble tea,” she said as she placed the peace offering down on the bedside table next to you. “I thought you could use it,” she added as she sat down on the floor next to your side of the bed, content to keep talking to you for a while even if you weren’t going to answer. She knew that you were awake. 
  “Kate’s been asking after you,” the Sokovian continued. “They all have actually, but Kate the most.” You didn’t want to see them. You didn’t want to see anyone. You were fully aware that you weren’t the same person that they knew and you didn’t know how to get that person back. It would only be so long before they all grew tired of who you were becoming, especially when they finally realised that their attempts to help you were futile. You didn’t think Natasha was far off from that conclusion herself and as much as you wanted to stop it happening, you simply didn’t have the energy. 
  Your girlfriend shifted her weight as she watched from the doorway and Wanda nodded at her to give you both some time. She closed the door behind her though Wanda felt her linger outside for a moment before leaving. “She wants to help,” Wanda told you. “You need help, y/n.” You pulled the duvet down slightly and opened your eyes for Wanda to offer you a small smile. 
  “I’m just so tired,” you whispered hopelessly. 
  “I know. It’s exhausting having to relive it constantly,” Wanda admitted. “That’s why you need to get out of bed and focus on something else.”
  “Then talk to a shrink to bring it back up again?” You questioned sceptically. 
  “To help you manage it,” she corrected. You weren’t convinced, but you reached for the drink and took a sip of the sweet liquid that touched your dehydration. “Do you want help having a shower or bath?” Wanda offered. 
  “Maybe tomorrow,” you dismissed.
  “I’ll hold you to that,” Wanda insisted with a smile you couldn’t return. She stayed with you for a while longer, though after that your responses grew thinner and thinner until eventually Wanda said goodbye and left you to fall back into a shallow slumber. 
  “How is she?” Natasha asked when she saw Wanda reamurge. 
  “Struggling,” Wanda admitted. “I’m going to come back tomorrow though and see if I can get her up.” Natasha nodded, thinning that it would be good for someone other than her to try and get you out of bed. “How are you doing?” The brunette asked with concern. 
  “I’ll be okay when she is,” Natasha dismissed. 
  “You need to look after yourself too though,” Wanda pointed out though she could tell that was the least of her mentor’s concerns. “Any new leads?”
  “All dead ends,” Natasha huffed. “Fuckers.”
  “We’ve got the best people on it, we’ll get them,” Wanda assured. Natasha wasn’t sure she could wholly believe that, but it was all she had to cling onto in hopes of getting you back. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Call if you need me,” Wanda said with a supportive smile that lifted Natasha’s spirits more than anything else had that day. Unfortunately, her hopes that Wanda was what you needed were humbled the next day when the Sokovian stepped foot inside your bedroom again to find you far less reluctant than the day prior. 
  “Come on, y/n. You agreed,” Wanda tried to reason calmly though it did nothing to ease the temper you seemed to have woken up with. 
  “I’m not a child,” you snapped. “I’ll get up when I’m ready.” Natasha watched from the doorway as the younger Avenger didn’t allow her patience to waver. 
  “You’ll feel better once you’ve had a wash and we can change the sheets so you-”
 “Leave me alone,” you interrupted with desperation, too embarrassed to admit that the thought of just having a brief wash was too much. Something that used to be so thoughtless and simple had turned into anything but as you anticipated every step involved now that you weren’t moving on autopilot anymore. Even the thought of changing your clothes and coming back to clean sheets you used to love the smell of seemed as though it would just be a disruption to the only safe space you had. There were too many changes, too much going on and too many thoughts. 
  Then, like a punch to the gut, your mind replayed how you had been washed when you were taken and it was so surreal that you swore your skin ached as it recalled how strong the water hose had been and how it had been so cold that there might as well have been spikes of ice in that water that sliced you. You never even fully dried in the damp room before it happened again. Sixteen. “Four…thirty,” you muttered as you hugged your knees and fought back the memories that flooded past your barricades. “Nine,” you continued in search of something to ground yourself to. 
  “Y/n?” Wanda noticed your trembles grow as you blocked out the world around you and incidentally kept everything you were trying to escape in. Trapped with them. Again. 
  “Sixteen…four,” you repeated over and over like a charm to ward off evil but you just weren’t strong enough on your own. 
  “Honey, breathe,” Wanda coaxed but you couldn’t hear her or your girlfriend as she crouched by your sides and tried to take a hold of your shaking hands. 
  “Nine,” you muttered for the last time when suddenly it was all gone and you were back in the room with the two women who noticed the change immediately. 
  “Malysh?” Natasha was the first to speak. 
  “Hey,” you greeted with a sleepy smile. 
  “What’s going on?” She asked, trying to appear far more calm than she was. 
  “Don’t know,” you admitted with a frown. 
  “How do you feel?” Wanda added. 
  “I’m not sure,” you admitted with an uncomfortable uncertainty, feeling that brief stillness become disturbed. 
  “Maybe you should jump in the shower to wake yourself up a bit,” Natasha suggested. You paused, trying to place your finger on why that suggestion didn’t feel right but when you couldn’t identify any legitimate reason not to, you agreed, missing the look exchanged between the pair as you got up and trudged through the apartment to the bathroom. 
  “I’ve got it,” you dismissed when you noticed Natasha trying to join you. She nodded respectfully as you closed the door, then peered back into the bedroom where Wanda remained as puzzled as she was. 
  “What the hell was that? I’ve seen her have panic attacks before but that was different,” Natasha stated as the pair began stripping the bed as swiftly as they could. 
  “I don’t know,” Wanda muttered, stuck with the image of your distress. 
  “Wands, can’t you do something?” Natasha asked not for the first time. 
  “You know it’s not ethical.”
  “But letting her suffer is? She needs meds but without going to the doctor she won’t get them,” Natasha pointed out though that very fact had been on Wanda’s mind for the past few days. She had considered trying to use her powers on your mind to relieve some of the tension your memories placed on it, but she had never done anything like that before and it wasn’t the time to try. 
  “She responds more to you than she has to me ever since she came home,” the widow voiced with a jealousy she knew she had no right to express, but it hurt to see that your friend was somehow doing more for you than she was. 
  “Maybe I just got to her on a better day,” Wanda shrugged in an effort to appease the redhead. She wasn’t convinced, yet Wanda had no other answer to offer.
  Meanwhile, you let the water run through the shower and stared at it with great apprehension. You didn’t make a move to take your clothes off, unable to determine why you felt so uncertain to step under the water. Hesitantly, you took your clothes off one by one as the steam began to fill the room and stuck your hand under the water once you were ready, only to withdraw it with a sharp hiss. You turned the temperature down, waited several moments, and tried again. Better. A lot better once you were under the shower entirely. You dipped your head and allowed yourself some time to let the warm water cleanse your body tenderly then got to work with the soap. 
  “I’ve got you some clothes,” Natasha called from behind the door once you turned the water off. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you opened the door several inches and took the clothes with a muttered ‘thanks’ that your girlfriend almost missed. You dressed swiftly and when you were done you stepped out to see that the bed had been made up with fresh sheets and there was a hearty smell of a home cooked meal filling the apartment. You immediately recognised it to be one of Wanda’s Sokovian dishes that she always enjoyed cooking for the team and must have made extra to bring back for you and Nat. 
  “Hungry?” She asked when she noticed you eyeing up the dish she was reheating the meal in. 
  “A little,” you admitted. Even with the enticing smells that greeted you, you didn’t have much of an appetite. “Aren't you meant to have this one with red wine?” Natasha’s eyes snapped to you and Wanda paused briefly. You looked between the two and rolled your eyes, knowing what they were thinking but walking over to the cupboard to retrieve the bottle anyway. 
  “Not necessarily,” Wanda said a moment too late. Your mind was made up and after two weeks hiding out in bed, you just wanted to feel like you were having a normal meal with your friends. 
  “But preferably,” you countered as you placed the three glasses and bottle on the coffee table, entirely aware of the look the pair exchanged when your back was turned. 
  “Maybe we should save it for another night,” Natasha suggested. 
  “Guys, it’s fine,” you insisted as you poured yourself a glass and wished they would both stop looking at you like that. Regrettably, the pair gave in as they plated up the three dishes and brought them over to eat in front of the tv. You remained in the armchair, as you always did, and although Natasha would have much preferred to feel you curl up with her, having Wanda accompany her on the lonesome sofa was a nice change. 
  The two avengers barely touched their drinks though your glass was empty by the time you decided you were done forcing yourself to eat more than you could stomach. After the faint buzz hit you, you wanted to polish off their glasses for them, but you knew that in doing so you would be trying your luck with the pair. You were playing a dangerous game as it was, but for the rest of the evening, neither of them mentioned it. 
  Wanda went home not long after you all finished clearing away and you wondered how long you could leave it before retiring to bed yourself and whether or not to let Natasha know she was welcome to join you. For sleep only. You hadn’t let her touch you since the hospital, shying away from all physical contact despite the way it made your girlfriend wince. You knew that your slow progress was hurting her because she felt responsible, but you still couldn’t snap yourself out of the trance that made anything comfortable feel painful. You couldn’t quite wrap your head around it yourself, especially as every time you tried it sent you into a spiral that ended with you struggling for air. 
  “I think I’m gonna watch some tv in bed for a bit,” you told Natasha. She looked up at you with an understanding smile. God, she’s too good to me. When will she realise that?
  “Okay.” You lingered in the doorway. 
  “Wanna join?” You asked as you picked at the wood in the frame and noticed your girlfriend’s features brighten. 
  “Yeah, I’ll be in soon,” she told you with a beam as she finished up the work she had only just begun on her laptop.  All for you, of course. 
  By the time Natasha joined you, you were in bed but still scrolling through the shows and films offered to you and ended up letting the redhead decide on something. “You did good today,” she told you once the show started playing. 
  “Thanks,” you muttered, unsure what else you could say. 
  “If you want to go out tomorrow, I’d be happy to go with you,” she continued. “Even just for a small walk.” You nodded, but the unease you felt told you that wouldn’t be happening. “If you want to,” she added, probably noticing your hesitation. You should have taken her up on the offer and you did miss being outside, but the mere thought of stepping out of the safety of your apartment made you feel sick. There was no telling what awaited you and there was no guarantee that Natasha could prevent it. 
  “Are you missing anything important at work?” You queried, though the change in subject wasn’t lost on Natasha. 
  “There’s a few other Avengers and an entire organisation that are filling in for me,” she quipped off handedly. You hummed. 
  “But you’re a workaholic,” you pointed out not for the first time since you started dating the redhead. “I feel bad that I’m keeping you here.”
  “You’re not,” she was quick to input, even though you both knew that was a lie. 
  “Okay, let’s say I’m not. Shouldn’t I be trying to like…do things on my own?” You asked. Natasha paused and wondered if you were trying to push her further out of your space. It wasn’t, not consciously, and she seemed to buy that when you glanced her way. 
  “Maybe I could go in for a few hours tomorrow,” she tested for your reaction. “I’ll keep my phone on.”
  “Okay,” you half smiled and settled into the bed more with a strong sense of apprehension as to whether or not you had made the right choice in trying to get Natasha out of the apartment for a few hours. 
  You didn’t sleep much that night and you knew that Natasha didn’t either. There was an anxious hum that charged above your bed as you both thought about what your days would entail without one another. Natasha would be thinking of you constantly and it didn’t help that you had recently developed the habit of ignoring your texts. You, on the other hand, realised that you weren’t going to be entirely sure of what to do with your privacy, but you did want it. Natasha clearly wasn’t as keen because the next morning she must have assured you five times that her phone would be on and that you could call whenever you needed her, or anyone else. It was the first time you had ever watched her leave later than planned. 
  You admired the stillness of the apartment for a while. The busy hum of the city on the other side of those walls continued to emanate through, but the apartment itself was entirely void of the frantic energy it had been consumed in for the last few weeks. It was finally just you. You enjoyed that fact for the first half an hour, wandering freely through the space and relishing in your own company, until your mind had enough of the rare peace and insisted you return to panic.
  Suddenly, you vividly recalled what it had been like the last time you were entirely alone. You unwillingly thought back on the gas that had been expelled into the black box you were contained in and how soon the chemicals had dug their way into your conscience to twist it in the most unnatural fashion. You remembered how it had fried all logic and precisely compromised every one of your senses that still felt surreal. You recollected the feeble attempts you made to cling onto what you knew to be real but that it proved impossible when the enemy you were losing to was yourself. 
  Sixteen. Four. Thirty. Nine.
  Your head was spinning wildly as you stumbled into the kitchen. Your memories forced themselves so far to the front of your brain that you weren’t even sure of what you were doing when you swiped at one of the cupboards and accidentally threw it open. The sunlight streaming into the apartment caught onto the bottles and without a moment’s consideration, you grabbed the nearest one and took a sip. Then another. Then another as you dropped to the floor and begged for the alcohol to tackle your thoughts for you. You couldn’t do it alone. 
  More sips until eventually a light fog began to blur the images behind your eyes. It still wasn’t enough so you continued until the fog grew heavier and the images were finally obstructed. It wasn’t a victory by any means. It was simply a rest. The best one you had had since you were left outside the hospital. 
  You glanced down at the light bottle and realised with a drop that it was empty. Natasha would surely notice a missing bottle given that you didn’t keep many so you quickly took out your phone, ignoring the various messages, and ordered another one for you to swap out. It was only once you paid an additional fee for it to be delivered within the next ten minutes did you realise that you were going to have to leave the apartment to retrieve it downstairs. It was a daunting thought, but you were all too aware that it seemed far more manageable with the liquid courage in your system. 
  Fortunately, it didn’t take more than five minutes for you to descend the five flights of stairs, bin the bottle, retrieve the new one and scale back up to your apartment. Though your heart had been pounding the entire time, you felt good that you had managed to pull it off successfully and in the midst of the relief, you hadn’t even taken a moment to consider that the stress of what you had done was because it wasn’t right. All of that was to avoid your girlfriend finding out that you had been drinking, yet you never gave a second thought to it when your head felt lighter on your shoulders than you could recall it being in a while. 
  You emptied part of the bottle and placed it back where the previous one was with a sense of satisfaction before sitting in the armchair for your last hour of peace. With the slight intoxication, it went by faster than you anticipated. Maybe it was also down to the alcohol, but when Natasha stepped through the doorway and set her eyes on you, her expression was unreadable. 
  “Hi,” you greeted with some uncertainty. 
  “Hey,” she muttered back as she took her jacket off. You couldn’t help but think back on how you used to greet each other when you got home. A tight hug, a small kiss that usually led to more, conversation, smiles, laughter. Love. You felt your gut twist uncomfortably as Natasha trudged through the apartment to the kitchen without looking at you. It seemed as though the moment you had been awaiting was growing closer. Natasha had enough. You had to give her credit for dealing with you as long as she did. That should have been your cue to stop her and start to put things right, but you couldn’t do that to her, you couldn’t get her to carry the dead weight much longer. It wasn’t fair. 
  “How’ve you been?” She asked from the kitchen. 
  “Okay,” you answered, pulling at a thread in the armchair. “How was work?” It was a small domestic attempt Natasha took no notice of.
  “I texted you,” she told you instead. “Called a few times too.”
  “My phone’s on silent.”
  “Then what’s the point in having it?” She asked, her voice full of unspoken accusations without realising how right she was. 
  To order booze behind your back. You didn’t answer and Natasha didn’t follow up. 
  You didn’t say another word to one another that night and the tension that filled the apartment was almost suffocating. The alcohol in your system wore off far too quickly for your liking and made the evening considerably tougher. You considered, countless times, going to your girlfriend to explain yourself to her. But how could you? How could you tell her that you had seen her, and many many others, in that basement where you were kept? How could you tell her that you had lived out your darkest nightmares and that she had been right there inflicting them? How could you tell your girlfriend that even though you knew none of it was real, you were scared of her? You never did and as the days blurred into weeks, the tension in your apartment reached its long awaited breaking point. 
  If you were being completely honest with yourself, you started to depend on the drinks. You never let yourself think about it long enough to conclude that what you were doing was wrong, not when the result of it was the only respite you ever got from your mind. You could never drink Natasha’s surveillance, but it didn’t prove to be a problem when your girlfriend fell into her own harmful habit of spending most of her time and work. She didn’t want to be around you.
  You stopped forgetting about what happened once you were reacquainted with the entire collection of memories of what happened. There were no brief moments where you couldn’t recall your torment ever happening, leaving your only respite to be alcohol. You didn’t intend to depend on it, but you did. 
  Natasha never noticed. On the days where you had too much, you simply put yourself to bed after brushing the taste and smell of alcohol away and it was too easy for Natasha to perceive it as ‘one of those days’. You rarely spoke to each other. You rarely looked at each other. You both allowed for your love to be buried on the rubble of the ruins you created, still alive and too stubborn to let go but lost from view. 
  One night, you let yourself get too carried away. You were slumped against the cupboards on the kitchen floor as you tried to make sense of the spinning apartment when Natasha came home. She froze at the sight of you clutching her vodka bottle that you always claimed to hate the taste of. You had grown numb to it recently. 
  Your girlfriend stepped towards you cautiously and crouched down as you registered her presence with the same far away look in your eyes she had seen in the hospital. She thought about it every day. “Y/n?” She asked as she gently grabbed the bottle but you yanked it out of her grasp and back towards your chest. “Don’t do that,” she muttered, heart cracking as she took in your unkempt appearance. How had she let you get like this? You grumbled incoherently in response. 
  “Come on, you need to throw up,” she coaxed, trying to keep her voice steady as she placed a hand on your arm but you shrugged her off. “Why won’t you let me help you?” She sighed, not expecting a response. 
  “Why do you want to?” You bite, eyes holding a harshness Natasha had never seen in you. 
  “Because I care about you, y/n,” she tried. “I love you and I want you to come back to me,” the redhead admitted with a crushing desperation. You loved her too, so much, but you were drunk and you were pissed off at the world. 
  “Is that it? Really?” You interrogated with an obnoxious slur to your speech. “It’s not because of any guilt you might be feeling?” Natasha frowned and backed away slightly as she stared down at you. “Tell me honestly.”
  “I wish I had been there-” She tried, no stranger to the guilt you were inflicting.
  “Why would that have mattered? They would have just seen you and tried again another time,” you told her as you grabbed at the kitchen counter behind you and hauled yourself up onto unstable feet. Natasha immediately sprang to catch you as you toppled.
  “Y/n-”
  “Don’t touch me!” You screamed as you gripped the counter with a steel force and glared at the woman desperately trying to help you. “I can’t look at you without seeing them.” You muttered though the words were etched into Natasha. She unknowingly held her breath as she processed what you had just said and realised she had finally gotten her answer as to why you were so distant. “Leave,” you spat.
  “What?” The redhead felt her legs become numb.
  “I can’t do this. I can’t continue to be a target,” you told her as your fear creeped into your drunken resentment and it all came to the surface unceremoniously. 
  “What do you mean?” She whispered despite already knowing.
  “It’s your fault. They took me to get to you and you didn’t even come and save me,” you told her, tears streaming down your face that your girlfriend so desperately wanted to wipe away as she held you. 
  “I tried, I tried so hard,” Natasha told you as her voice shook as much as her hands that she fought to keep by her sides. “I did everything I could and-”
  “And in the end they just gave me back. What if the next ones don’t feel so generous?” You questioned, unrelenting in your pain you were pushing onto your partner in an effort to escape it yourself.
  “We’ll figure something out, I’ll teach you self defence,” she tried but you didn’t want to hear it. 
  “I thought I was going to die…and I wish I did.” Natasha stared at you through the blur of tears, knowing that you were drunk but that it didn't mean you didn’t mean it. In fact, it made undeniable sense. “I would rather be laying dead in that room right now than have endured a second of what they did.” You told her honestly. “So get out.”
  “Y/n-” The attempt was futile. 
  “Get out!” You broke, unable to handle any more. There was no going back on what you had said and there was no undoing the past. You were done and too exhausted to see it any other way. 
  “I’m sorry,” Natasha whispered as she stepped away in defeat. You wouldn’t listen to reason, not from her.
  “Sorry doesn’t fix what you’ve done.”
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lanawinterscigarettes · 3 months
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Hi there ! Can I request Natasha Romanoff x reader smut? I thought maybe Natasha x virgin!reader first time OR it can just be Nat’s and reader’s first time. (Please make it super soft🥺🥺)
Okay but anon that idea is literally so cute wtf 😖💗 this is shorter than I intended it to be but I hope you enjoy it regardless 
Sidenote: mалыш means baby in Russian (to the best of my knowledge) 
Taking It Slow (Natasha Romanoff x reader)
Warnings: SMUT, afab reader, reader is a virgin, oral sex (reader receiving), mention of a safeword (although it's never used), soft top Natasha, bottom reader 
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"Are you sure you're ready for this?" 
Natasha's brow was furrowed with concern as she leaned over you on the bed, gently brushing your hair from your face. 
"Yeah, I'm sure." You looked up into her loving eyes, knowing she would take care of you. "Just...take it slow, okay?" 
"Of course, mалыш." She pressed a soft and loving kiss to your lips before working her way down the rest of your body. Your jawline, neck, collarbone, none of it went untouched. She kept going until she got down to your thighs, where she settled herself between them. 
"If at anytime you want me to stop, just let me know, okay? Do you remember our safeword?" 
You nodded your head yes, to which Natasha clicked her tongue at you. "Honey, I need verbal confirmation if you want this to happen." 
"Yeah, I remember it," you said, anticipation building. 
"Good. Use it whenever you want to stop, okay? I don't want your first experience to be an uncomfortable one." 
"Okay, I will." 
Satisfied with your response, she began leaving kisses on the inside of your thigh. Occasionally you felt her nip at your skin, a sign that she was gently marking you up, leaving hickeys wherever her mouth would go. 
You sighed contentedly before letting out a series of soft moans as she moved her mouth from your thighs to your glistening pussy. She pressed gentle kisses on the sensitive area, and you could feel her smirk against your skin when you let out a sudden gasp at her lips moving up to your clit. 
She was toying with you, and you knew it; but you loved it regardless. 
You felt as she pressed feather light kisses to your clit, giving you just enough friction to feel it but not nearly enough to be able to properly get you off. 
As much as you wanted to grind up against her face, you knew you had to remain patient if you wanted to be able to truly enjoy this. You had waited this long, surely you could wait a little bit longer. Still, Natasha no longer teasing you and just getting on with it would certainly be nice.
"Nat, please." You whined, your hand going to rest on her head lightly. 
"Oh, sweetheart." She peered up at you from between your legs, a visible smirk on her face. "I suppose I have been teasing you a little too much, huh? Let me fix that." 
Before you could ask her what she meant by that, you felt her move her tongue along your already wet folds, eliciting a moan from you so loud your neighbors could definitely hear it.
At least she wasn't teasing you anymore, but that still meant you had a long night ahead of you. 
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ichorai · 10 months
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the scientist & the assassin ; natasha romanoff.
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read part two ; afterlife.
pairing ; natasha romanoff x gn!scientist!reader
synopsis ; fragments of time with your girlfriend, soon-to-be-wife, natasha.
words ; 4.4k
themes ; fluff, mild angst, established relationship, scientist au
warnings / includes ; a bit of cursing, blood/injury, set before civil war era, avengers found family trope idec, sexual innuendos, bucky and sam annoying reader lol, steve being an absolute sweetheart, mentions of fire, liho cameo, mentions of yelena
main masterlist.
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JANUARY.
Small sparks flew up from the welding torch as you worked the blue flame over the metal, eyes narrowed with concentration. It was a delicate process, and you were taking extra caution not to mess the process up. You were building new protective gear on Nick Fury’s request, and had to make sure that it was without fault. 
Your girlfriend of three years, however, clearly had other plans. Natasha was leaning against your workbench, brows quirked as she repeated the question that had flown right over your head in the midst of your fixation.
You hastily turned the fire off and shoved the protective welding mask away from your face so you could properly look at her. “Huh? Did you say something?”
Natasha rolled her eyes, though not without a ghost of a grin to her lips. With a sigh, she asked the question for a third time. “I know you’re busy making all your little gizmos and gadgets… but are you coming to Tony’s party?”
A beat of silence. You blinked in confusion. It was only then did you realize that your girlfriend was all dressed up, face dolled up with flawless makeup, donned in a silken, viridescent dress that complimented her figure beautifully. “What party?”
“The annual New Years’ party—Tony’s asked you to come a million times. You’re not gonna leave me all alone with him, are you?” Natasha asked, walking closer to you until her nose was only an inch from yours, placing her hands on the lapels of your lab coat, tugging you closer.
A gulp lodged in your throat. “No, ma’am,” you murmured, lips dipping forward to catch hers. 
She leaned back before you could, however, tilting her head expectedly. There was a playful glint to the deep green of her irises. “Go get ready, then. I already laid out a matching outfit for you to save you the hassle. Who knows… maybe we can leave a bit early too…”
Before she could finish her sentence, you were already shirking off your white coat, hurrying out of the laboratory to get changed for the party. Natasha couldn’t help the amused smile gracing the corner of her lips as she watched you scramble away.
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FEBRUARY.
Blood dripped from her cheek. Her hair, her dress, her legs. She was drenched in it.
A shuddering sigh of exhaust fell from her split lips. She gingerly slipped out of her heels, holding the two of them in one hand and walking up to the house barefoot.
“Nat,” you whispered in part-horror, part-concern at her bloodied state when you swung the door open.
“It’s not mine,” she hoarsely mumbled, slipping past you, bee-lining towards the bathroom, in dire need of some cleaning.
Her eyes were heavy with fatigue, plagued with memories of the bloodbath of a mission. There were many questions you wanted to ask her, but you held your tongue. She was in no state to answer your barrage of queries, and needed nothing more than someone to care for her, for a change.
Gently, you took her crimson-slickened hands within yours, uncaring of the blood smearing on your skin. You led her to the rest of the way to the bathroom, gently telling her to take a seat on the edge of the bathtub. A small towel cloth was dampened beneath the faucet, and you slowly cleaned off the delicate wounds littered over her arms, her face, and her abdomen. The two of you were completely silent, basking in the comfort of being there for each other. Natasha’s green eyes shone with simultaneous gratitude and hollow trauma. For a moment, it appeared as if she was going to weep, but she kept the tears at bay.
Once you cleaned off most of the blood, you left the bathroom to fetch her some of her sleep clothes—which was really just a worn, sleeveless shirt of some obscure rock band you didn’t recognize, and a soft pair of basketball shorts. She had wiped away the rest of the blood when you came back, stripping her outer layers and shirking them into the sink to wash later.
For now, the both of you just needed to sleep.
She slipped on the pajamas, before settling into the bed with a lethargic sigh.
“Thank you,” she croaked out just as you clambered beneath the blankets on the other side of the large bed.
You hummed in response, roping her close to you, pressing a soft kiss to her hairline. This time, Natasha had to willfully force the urge to cry away.
“Get some rest, Nat. I love you,” you said into her skin.
Natasha relaxed into your hold, eyes drooping shut. She wanted to say that she loved you back, but found that she was already falling into a deep slumber.
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MARCH.
“What about Jennifer? She’s in the analytics department,” said Natasha, sipping on her iced tea as she eyed Steve expectantly. “I can set you up with her if you want.”
The blonde man shifted uncomfortably. “I… I don’t know, Nat—”
“For God’s sake, Nat, stop it already!” you exclaimed, but not without an exasperated smile to your lips. “Look at him, you’re embarrassing the poor guy. Sorry, Steve—she’s just looking out for you.”
The hundred-year-old man smiled handsomely, forking some scrambled eggs into his mouth. “It’s fine. I’m not really looking to date at the moment… still trying to figure out how things work this century before I can really settle down.”
“Well, you take your time, Steve,” you told him gently.
“You sure? Rumor has it Allison from human resources has had her eye on you for a while—ow! I was joking!” she exclaimed when you sharply elbowed her in the ribs. “But, really, Cap… I’m happy you’re taking your time.”
The blonde hummed gratefully. “What about you two? Any plans on…” He gestured vaguely, which made you and Natasha glance at each other with a grin.
Your girlfriend scoffed, the green of her eyes glimmering with mirth. “Why? You wanna be the best man?”
Steve seemed to splutter at that, vehemently trying to backtrack. Heat flushed his cheeks a soft pink hue.
“I’m just pulling your leg, Steve,” Natasha quipped, playfully kicking at his foot beneath the table. “Lighten up, will you?”
“We haven’t even spoken about marriage yet,” you chimed in, smiling warmly at the ex-assassin. “But who knows? Maybe we will soon.”
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APRIL.
Nails tapped loudly against the surface of the table she was sitting on, legs crossed as she languidly leaned back, staring up at the artificial white lights of the laboratory. She was saying something—something about her last mission with Tony. 
Judging by her expression you quickly stole a glance at, you could tell that she was complaining. There was a slight knit to her brow, and she was frowning ever so slightly.
You made quiet, absentminded noises of acknowledgement as she told her story, nodding emphatically. You were working on a device to immediately disable strong magnetic fields, tinkering with the small bits and pieces with narrowed eyes.
“I don’t know, maybe I should just stop worrying about him—it’s not my problem if Tony drinks until he can barely stand up…”
She trailed off, tilting her head back down to watch you work. With an amused scoff, she said your name. Without taking your eyes off your work, you merely hummed, “Mhm?”
“You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?”
Hopping down from the table, she made her way closer to you, her fingers nimbly slotting beneath your chin. You met her gaze, briefly glancing down at her parted lips, skin flushing with embarrassment. 
Sheepish, you grinned apologetically. “Sorry, Nat.” She arched a sharp brow and you winced. “I love you…?”
Rolling her eyes, Natasha acquiesced, a ghost of a grin tracing the corner of her lips. “I love you, too.” She let you go to haul herself back up onto the table, swinging her legs in an almost child-like manner. “Anyways, as I was saying…”
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MAY.
Sunglasses, glasses of chilled orange juice, and warm sand beneath your feet.
Closer to the beach’s shallow waves, Bruce, Steve, and Clint were playing with a frisbee, while Tony and Thor were off on a ski-boat, skimming across the waters much faster than they probably should be going. The team was on a little mini-vacation, needing some well-deserved rest after going on nonstop, continuous missions.
A book was cracked open on your lap, one that you had been meaning to start for ages now, but never had the time before. Beside you was your girlfriend, lathering sunscreen over her arms and exposed skin. “Did you put on sunscreen?” she asked you, offering the bottle.
“Yeah,” you replied, prying your eyes away from the novel to press a kiss to her cheek, and then another to the side of her nose. 
She grinned beautifully, the green of her eyes gleaming with fondness. “You’re such a nerd. Who brings a book to the beach?”
“Well… look who’s dating the nerd who brought a book to the beach?” you replied with a level tone, trying your best to suppress your growing smile.
Huffing in amusement, Natasha lightly shoved you, taking another sip of her orange juice. “God, it just feels like we never get to fully relax like this, you know? I wish every day could be like this.”
Shutting your book, you placed it off to the side and shuffled closer to her, curling an arm over her shoulders. 
“Yeah,” you hummed, tracing aimless shapes along the skin of her arm. Hesitant, you spoke up again, “Hey, you remember when Steve asked us about getting married?”
“Mhm?”
“Well, uhm…” you started, but thought better of it, not wanting to ruin such a perfect moment as this one by forcing your girlfriend into a commitment you weren’t even sure she really wanted.
When you trailed off, Natasha pulled away from you slightly, her head cocked in an expectant manner.
“If you’re not gonna ask me, then I will,” she told you with a laugh to her voice. “You wanna get married?”
For a moment, you spluttered for words, not expecting this turn of events. 
“You… Nat, are you sure?” you rasped, cupping her face gently. “I don’t want you to rush into anything. Yes, a thousand times yes, but fair warning—it means you’ll be stuck with me forever. Forever is like… a really long time.”
Natasha hummed, leaning forward until your nose brushed against hers. Gods, you loved this woman so fucking much. 
“Sounds like a nightmare,” she whispered, a ghost of a smile to her lips. “Sign me up.”
With that, she kissed you, tasting of orange juice and a tiny bit of sunscreen.
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JUNE.
Sam and Bucky hovered around your lab like a pair of incessant flies that wouldn’t go away, no matter how much you swatted at them. 
“Don’t touch that, Bucky,” you found yourself saying nearly twenty times, followed by an exasperated sigh as he would proceed to prod and poke at the machinery. 
Sam was no better, asking you about a million questions in regard to all the different gadgets and gizmos in progress.
On a normal day, you usually wouldn’t let these two into your lab, but you were ordered to fix and improve both of their broken comm links, and made the terrible mistake of inviting them to come watch. Of course, they grew bored of watching you toy with wires and circuits, opting to wander around your lab with wide, curious eyes.
“Hey, what’s this?” Sam asked, holding up a small, black cube half the size of his palm.
“Collapsible motorcycle,” you replied, briefly glancing at him, before returning your gaze to your work on the table. “Just don’t press the button on the bottom.”
Whistling with clear impression, Sam looked nearly tempted to try it out. But he knew you would slice his hand off if he did, so he set the cube back down. “That’s sick, man. Who’s it for?”
“Nat,” you said. “Made it for her. It’s still in its testing phase—I’m hoping it'll be all done and ready by her birthday.” 
Bucky glanced over Sam’s shoulder to look at the cube. “I like riding motorbikes,” he said. “Could you make me one?”
“Unless you could get Fury to order me, that’s a no,” you huffed out with a mild laugh. “I barely agreed to fix your comms for you—which, by the way, how did you even break them this bad? Did you guys pour a bucket of water over and stomp on them, or something?” 
At the memory of Bucky and Sam both accidentally tumbling into a river during a mission, they both grimaced.
“Something like that, sure,” said the century-old man, wearily pulling at his face.
“That’s not fair,” Sam, a full grown man, just about whined. You halted in your ministrations, raising a brow. “How come you don’t make us any fancy little tools or weapons or bikes or magical gizmos, but you make ‘em for Nat?”
Scoffing, you dipped your head back down to continue polishing off their comms. “Yeah, well, she’s my fiance.”
“And?” said Sam, placing his hands on his hips. “Am I not your best friend? Is Mr. Cyborg here not your second best friend?” 
Another deeply amused laugh rumbled from within your chest. “With how you two are behaving, I’d say Steve is my best friend right now.”
The two were left sulking in your lab for the next hour, with Bucky nearly catching on fire when he picked up a flamethrower disguised as a potted plant. Both of them left with charred fingers, singed eyebrows, and about half a dozen of your tiny gadgets stuffed within their pockets.
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JULY.
It was Steve’s birthday, which meant Natasha organized a barbecue in Clint’s large backyard. There were red, white, and blue streamers hung up over the trees and over the house’s porch, several star-shaped lanterns decorating the wooden tables set out. Bruce and Tony were manning the grills, while you were playing a game of catch with Peter and Clint’s kids. The rest of the Avengers were gathered by one of the tables, piling up their plates high with food.
The air was heavy with the mouth-watering aroma of cooking hot dogs, grilled corn, and juicy burgers. Dessert was an assortment of cookies, an array of melting popsicles, and a large blue birthday cake that made Steve smile so wide it was yet to leave his face.
From the corner of your eye, you spotted Natasha speaking to Thor, her hand extended out to him as the God inspected the ring on her finger.
“A grand ring, that is!” the Norse God bellowed. “Green suits you, Natasha.”
“Thanks, Thor,” said your fiance, grinning warmly. The two walked off to grab some hotdog buns and harass Tony to hurry up with cooking.
The ball nearly hit you in the face because you were so busy staring at Natasha, stopping inches from your nose when Peter darted forward with his near inhumane reaction time to grab it away. 
“Woah!” he exclaimed, afraid to have accidentally hurt you by hurling a fast ball at you when you weren’t even paying attention. “Sorry, are you okay? What are you looking at?” 
You pursed your lips, glancing one last time at Natasha. A blush creeped up your neck. She was going to marry you soon. How on earth did you get so lucky?
“Nothing, kid. Come on, hand me the ball, why’d you stop?” you cleared your throat in a fruitless attempt to play it off.
Peter followed your line of sight, brows raising when he caught sight of Natasha now showing off her ring to Steve and Bucky. He smiled slightly, but didn’t say anything about it, instead tossing the ball right back to you (which you still somehow missed catching).
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AUGUST.
“Here,” you said, handing her the steaming mug of coffee, just how she liked it—dark with a tiny bit of sugar. “You okay? You’ve been more quiet than usual the past few days.”
The two of you leaned against the balcony’s railing, watching the sun rise over the cityscape, painting the sky a myriad of soft oranges and clementines and tangerines. With your free hand, the other being occupied by your own hot cup of tea, you wrapped around Natasha’s waist, tugging her close. You pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, brushing an errant strand of hair falling away from her loose braid.
“Sorry, I’ve just recently been thinking,” she whispered, a bit distant. “My sister is out there, somewhere. Sometimes I think it’s best to just give her her space, since she hasn’t reached out, either. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me ever again—after all, I’m a living, breathing reminder of the Red Room. The terrible things we were forced to do. I’m not too upset about it… it’s not like we were a real family, anyway. I don’t know. I guess I just miss her.”
You weren’t entirely sure what to tell her. Go find her sister? Forget about her? Tell her to think about it some more? Natasha rarely ever spoke about her past, much less her temporary ‘fake’ family.
A frown crossed over your lips, brows divoting. “Nat, if your sister really wanted to see you, she would reach out. You’re an Avenger—it’s not that hard to find you. You can’t really say the same about her… you don’t know a single thing about where she might be now. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Natasha sipped on her coffee, blowing out a tired sigh. Tears warbled over her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away, sniffing slightly.
“Do you think she remembers me?” her voice broke just a bit. “Because sometimes I forget what her face looks like. Did she have blue eyes, or were they green like mine? How blonde was her hair? What did her smile look like? I… I’m scared I’ll just completely forget and I won’t ever see her again to—”
“She remembers,” you murmured in response. “You were her sister. She’d remember.”
Another sniffle. Natasha wiped away a stray tear with the back of her hand. 
“God, sorry. I’m such a mess,” she croaked, laughing bitterly.
“And I love you anyway,” you told her, kissing her just below her watery eyes. “Come on—let’s go watch some TV.”
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SEPTEMBER.
The wedding was a small, quiet event. 
You, Natasha, and the rest of the Avengers family were once again gathered in Clint’s expansive yard—though, this time, everybody was dressed much more formally than they had on Steve’s birthday. The ceremony was full of tears and sniffling, tissues and running mascara. 
The vows you had written for Nat were long and nearly ramble-y, whilst hers were perfectly short and to-the-point.
Once Bruce had officiated the two of you (having learned how to do so online), you had embraced each other with a watery kiss, grinning against one anothers’ lips. The rest of the group had burst into raucous applause, Tony and Steve the loudest of them all, the two of them being the best men of the wedding.
Then came the food and the dancing, which lasted well into the night.
She was glowing the entire time. Your wife was glowing.
And when you told her so, she smiled, all wide and toothy. “It’s just nervous sweat,” she replied with a laugh as you gripped her waist tighter, before twirling her around in your arms.
“God, I love you,” you murmured, pressing your forehead against hers. 
The green of her eyes sparkled with your words. “I love you, too. I can’t believe we’re married now.”
“Take your time,” you hummed. “You’ve got the rest of your life to get used to it.”
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OCTOBER.
Your sleeves were rolled up to your elbows, tongue poking out the corner of your mouth. The table was a mess, covered in orange mush, a dozen knives, and your phone playing a video on how to properly carve a pumpkin.
“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath when you messed up the shape, letting out a long, drawn-out groan. “Why is this so hard? It’s just a pumpkin!”
When you glanced at Natasha and her fruit, you weren’t at all surprised to see that she was well into carving an intricate, detailed design with wide eye-holes and gnarled teeth.
“It’s not that hard,” she replied with an easy smile, clearly amused at your struggling. “What’s going on with you? You’re usually really good with your hands.”
Heat flushed up your neck and spidered across the skin of your cheeks at the hidden insinuation behind her words. “I don’t know,” you huffed, wiping down your hands on the apron you were wearing. Usually you weren’t one to give up so easily, but you had been tinkering with several new task-droids, and there was no better time than now to test them out.
“What are you doing?” she curiously asked once you slid off your seat, reaching into one of the cabinets to pull out the little cuboid robots. “God, it feels like I’m in a Black Mirror episode,” she murmured, watching them come to life and start carving up your pumpkin for you with tiny microblades after you input a design for them to work on.
“San Junipero Black Mirror or Metalhead Black Mirror?” you replied, propping your face up on an elbow as you watched the small bots diligently work. 
Your wife scowled, her sharp brows divoting. “Definitely Metalhead.”
The both of you shuddered, before you dipped forward to press a kiss to her cheek. “I’m gonna make us a batch of cookies—at least that I know I can’t mess up.”
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NOVEMBER.
A wince, a frown, an uncomfortable shift. Natasha was used to pain, and was taught from a young age to steel herself, but the wounds usually never got this bad.
There was a deep slash across her stomach, dark blood dousing the entirety of her abdomen, dripping down her sides and leaking off the lab table you had set her on. You tried to be gentle while you cleaned her up, tried to be quick with the stitches to lessen the pain—but the wound was tender and wide, and you had to slow down to be careful.
The entire time, your face bore an expression of pure worry and concern.
“I’m sorry,” she hoarsely whispered, lips twisted into a grimace.
“For what?” you quietly mumbled, focused on fixing her up.
She blew out a pained sigh as you started another stitch. “For making you worry. I shouldn’t have gone on that mission, I know.”
“Well, you did,” you lightly replied, teeth gnashing together. “No reason to dwell on it. It’s okay, Nat. I’m not mad at you.”
There was a beat of silence. She laid back, fists clenched by her sides as she endured through the pain.
“Just disappointed?” she asked, gingerly laughing, despite the pain it brought to her chest.
“Yeah,” you sighed. “I am. I just don’t like seeing you pointlessly throwing yourself headfirst into a suicidal mission, just to come crawling back in shreds. I also don’t like seeing you hurt because I love you, and I need you to be more careful for me.”
Natasha pursed her lips. Her green eyes flashed with pain when you wiped away the excess blood. “Okay,” your wife croaked. “I love you, too.”
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DECEMBER.
“Open it!” you goaded, nudging Natasha to the suspiciously unwrapped box. 
Her green eyes were narrowed as she shot you a warning look. “I swear to God, if a fake snake is gonna come flying out like last time—”
“It’s your birthday, I would never!” you interrupted impatiently, gesturing to the box once more.
With a huff, Natasha peeled back the loose lids of the cardboard box, making a noise of surprise upon seeing a little black cat curled up inside, snoozing contentedly. 
“Oh, my God. You got us a little kitty,” she crooned, slowly picking the cat up. The black-pelted feline purred at the contact, nuzzling her dark nose against Natasha’s face. “This is literally the best thing you’ve ever gotten me. It beats anything you’ve ever made for me!”
Clearing your throat, you toyed with the collapsible motorcycle you had hidden in your pocket. “Well… don’t say that too quickly. You wanna name her?”
Natasha stroked the cat’s dark head, her hazel eyes happily blinking shut. “Liho. It means misfortune in Russian—black cats are bad luck, right? She’ll have to prove her name wrong.”
“Liho,” you parroted, smiling so wide it was a wonder your face didn’t split into two. 
With a grin, Natasha placed Liho back down on the ground, who took to weaving between both of your legs, her fluffy tail curved around your shins. 
“God, I love you,” your wife suddenly announced, cupping your face between her palms and littering several chaste kisses all over your cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“You’re gonna love me more after this,” you told her, brandishing the small black cuboid from your pocket. “Come on—I’m gonna have to show you this outside. Let’s go, Liho.”
The three of you made your way out of the house, Liho silently following along like a shadow. You beamed brightly at the small cat, then at your wife, who was squinting against the sharp sunlight, smiling nonetheless. It was all so perfect, nearly too good to be true.
Until the collapsible motorcycle burst into flames while you were trying to uncollapse it, which had Natasha yanking the curious Liho away from the growing fire as you ran into the house to grab the extinguisher.
Alright—maybe not entirely perfect… but amazing nonetheless. 
“Happy birthday?” you sheepishly said as you doused the flames away. “That was, uh… that was supposed to do that.”
Natasha rolled her eyes, setting Liho back down before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “You can clean that up later. Let’s go cut the cake—maybe we can skip on blowing out the candles this year.”
As the three of you made your way back inside the house, Natasha glanced down at the little black cat trotting in front of you. “She’s living up to her name so far. God, I can’t believe you got me a cursed cat for my birthday.”
979 notes · View notes
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Natasha: truth of dare
Y/N: truth
Natasha: how many meals did you eat since yesterday?
Y/N: dare
Natasha: go eat something
Y/N: I don't like this game
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skylarinfinity · 4 months
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kate : [staring at natasha while drinking her coffee] did every russian call people with their full name?
natasha : [looking up from her breakfast] what? of course not, what make you think that?
kate : it's yelena-
natasha : that's yelena, she... she just different-
[yelena and male reader walk into the kitchen side by side]
yelena and male reader : hello kate bishop, good morning!
[kate looking at natasha with raised eyebrow]
natasha : [sigh] listen here kate bishop- oh lord it's is russian thing...
tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy
274 notes · View notes
magecrafts · 9 months
Text
MENACE
natasha romanoff x reader ; you've never been more helpless. nat likes you best like that.
warnings: nsfw, explicit smut, cnc, unsafe bdsm practices, no aftercare, somnophilia, heavy choking, one single mention of medical kink
RATED E FOR EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT ; 18+
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a/n: i think i remember how to do this. cheers.
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Natasha Romanoff is grumpy when you meet her (and sporting a week’s worth of insomnia under her eyes and wearing a tee that’s a little too tight, too, but as appealing as both of those are neither endears you as much as her furrowed brow and little frown).
Two weeks later you’re on recon with her, some assignment dropped into your lap an hour before wheels were expected to be up.
“You’re going into the field, rookie,” Stark told you, and, “Romanoff will babysit you, but if you’re as good as your resume claims you shouldn’t need her.”
Recon only. No engagement unless necessary.
The two of you post up in a slimy cave high in the mountains, half a mile above the entrance to a long forgotten mine that may or may not be the newest hideout of one of Stark’s most-wanted. It’s a stupid assignment, Stark could have sent drones, but you reckon he just wants to see how well you do with bullshit assignments, last minute takeoffs, and taking orders.
“Could be fun,” Natasha says, dangling a flask in front of your face.
“Is this a test?”
She smiles.
An hour later you’re tipsy and breaking a protein bar in half to split for dinner.
“I know this is bullshit,” she says, and to her credit she does sound apologetic, “but Tony likes to test people. He wants to see you prove yourself, you know, make it known that you’re as competent as you are on paper.”
You can’t say that’s not fair. This is, after all, no nine-to-five, but, “How am I supposed to prove myself when there’s fuck-all to do?”
Natasha laughs.
An hour later Natasha’s her own stoic version of piss drunk, you’re far worse off, and you’re staring at each other with a vigor that would scare the hell out of you even if she weren’t your immediate supervisor.
But you’ve always liked fear.
You make the first move: you crawl onto her lap, sink down against toned thighs, and tuck in. Her lips are warm, softer than you’re used to, and she doesn’t protest. She licks into your mouth and clamps her hands around your thighs and though you’ve never crossed a boundary like this before, you can’t see yourself ever going back.
Natasha makes the first move next time.
When she asks you out for drinks the week after you return you assume the address she sends you will be a bar.
It’s her apartment.
Bold.
She answers the door in black fatigues and a tank top and takes you right to her bedroom, sinks down on the edge of the California king, and puts you on her lap. She likes you there, where she can reach all of you, where your chest presses up against hers, and your mouth is right there for the taking. She’s gentle until you push your hands through her hair and tell her, “You don’t have to be so nice, you know.”
She’s never gentle after that.
She likes throwing you around, and likes that you can take it, knows it makes your heart flutter and your cheeks flush when she reminds you time and again how much stronger than you she is. On your back is how she likes you best, with your legs spread open and your knees pushed back as close to your chest as they’ll go.
Sometimes she’ll clamp a hand around your throat and dig her nails into the soft skin beneath your jaw until you can’t breath and you’re clawing at her arm and your vision’s starting to go. Sometimes she won’t let go at all, not until you slip away and your body slackens and she’s left fucking a fake cock into your helpless cunt.
You don’t know what she does to you when you’re out cold until she starts to film it.
Filthy fucking videos, those are, full of her laughter and your inability to protest while she does things like stuff her fist into your sloppy hole or perform a full pelvic exam wherein she dons rubber gloves and leaves you gaping around a speculum far longer than any licensed practitioner ever would.
“Look at you,” she’ll say later after she slaps you back to consciousness and queues up her newest video, “you’re so easy to break.”
It’s easier when you come back to with your mouth empty; when she brings you back and you’ve still got your own panties stuffed into your mouth she never lets you pull them out to catch your breath until she’s had her fun holding you down while you struggle to regain your hold on the world.
Sometimes you wake back up on your own while she’s in the middle of things. You either love or hate those times the most, but you’re never sure which.
“...doesn’t matter if you don’t want it,” she’s saying this time, and she’s blurry above you (and there are three of her and three sets of nails carving jagged red lines down your torso, but you know there will only be one of each in a minute or two), “gonna fuck your whore pussy anyway and you’re going—to—take—it.”
“—Nat—”
“Look who’s awake.”
You can hear the smirk in her voice, can see the bright white glare of her cell camera, and you’re sure you look like hell and that she’s going to give you shit for that later, but that’s the least of your worries.
“Stark should fire you,” she says. “Maybe he will once he finds out you’ve been getting your stupid hole stuffed on camera for months. Or maybe he’d like your little videos. Maybe he’d even want a turn with you, huh? Would you like that?”
No, but only because by her rules you're not allowed to think about anyone else like that.
But you can't say that, not unless you want her to go and make it happen. You learned long ago that Natasha Romanoff is nothing if not genuine in her threats.
“Maybe I would,” you say, low and hoarse, and it almost sounds like a growl.
She finds a pressure point and digs in, and, “Don’t you dare fucking lie to me,” she says, and you’re out again.
The next morning you wake up to the sun cutting through the window and warming your bare back, waking with you the memories of the night before and bringing it all to a boil in your belly. You want to relive them. You want her to fuck you again, to stuff you full and flood you with desperation and desire.
She pulls the sheets from your body and flips you onto your back, coasting a hand up your shin as she settles at the foot of the bed.
“Show me your pussy,” she says, soft, mocking, like she’s requesting the easiest thing in the world from the dumbest little thing she’s ever met.
Your knees part, legs falling open without thought, and you can tell the slick between your thighs from the night before is still there.
She lifts her brows and looks.
“You look sloppy,” she says, pulling your lips apart and dragging a nail over your clit. “Let me make it worse.” She slaps you before you have time to think and though it hurts it’s the lingering sting that pulls a cry from your throat. It’s been a while since she’s hit you like this, between the thighs, where the shame hurts worse than anything else.
The next time you see it coming, but you don’t stop her. You don’t even bother to keep your legs from trying to clamp shut when she slaps your cunt for the second time, you just screw your eyes shut and force your legs open again because for that you know she won’t stop until you’re crying and begging her to do something—anything—to get you off.
It takes you a minute to focus up when she’s done, to familiarize yourself with the steady throb between your legs and the warm pressure of Natasha pushing something into you.
She’s kneeling between your legs, hands clamped around your thighs to keep them apart as she lazily fucks into you with a cock as thick as your forearm.
“Look at that,” she says with a little laugh. “Even when you’re looser than a ten-cent hooker I can still find something to stretch you out with.”
And you know she can feel you clenching as she tries to ease out, like you’re pulling her in, and if she were any man she’d be spent in sixty seconds or less, but her stamina knows no bounds and even as your hole gushes with relief she’s still driving into you, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
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delfiore · 10 months
Text
—DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT. (1/3)
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pairing: natasha romanoff x android!reader
synopsis: you are sent to gain intel on the black widow by the organization that made you. a relationship with her makes you realize the joys of being human.
word count: 1.9k
a/n: this idea has literally been in my draft for almost two years now lolz
PART II, PART III
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When you were activated, you were fully aware of your mission. You gained access to the instructions in nanoseconds; find information on the mind control mechanism used by the Red Room, and retrieve concrete formulaic data.
Tony Stark rarely opened interviews for a lab assistant, but you were invited right away for your ‘excellent display of scientific knowledge and skills in the laboratory’.
You anticipated your moments to be present in the lab. You knew Stark was working on improvements for Black Widow’s electro shock weapon. You stood a little straighter, looked a little too focused on reorganizing Stark’s projects, just to conceal your interest in the woman.
When she entered the lab, you let her eyes linger on you a little, before looking up. Her eyes were greener than you had thought.
Mission Log 001
First contact made. No sign of hostility. Amicable acquaintanceship expected.
FD700-16.
You went on your first date with Natasha a couple of months after your first meeting, all the while you made sure to play your part well. She took you to a fair down by the piers, where you pretended to miss your shots when trying your luck at the shooting range, so that she could display her skills and win you a teddy bear. By the end of the night, Natasha had felt comfortable enough to hold your hand as she walked you home.
“Tonight was fun,” she laughed quietly, the way lovesick teenage girls do.
“Yeah, it was,” you sighed.
All of your research told you the Black Widow rarely showed her true self to people. Even amongst her own Avengers teammates, Hawkeye was the only one she truly trusted. And yet, she grabbed your hand gently, and leaned in to kiss your cheek, and giggled when she pulled back.
“Goodnight.” She said, her voice as soft as the night’s winds.
You watched her leave for a moment before going back inside.
Your maker entrusted you to succeed. You were reminded of it everyday by the engraving on the sole of your foot that read ‘Property of VULCAN’. And you will.
You learned that Natasha liked to used sly comments to deflect personal questions. She could be very charming when she wanted to, but also genuine. You needed to appear harmless. So you opted for brighter colors in your outfit for the date in which Natasha asked you if you wanted to be in a relationship with her.
“Would you maybe . . . wanna be my girlfriend?” There was an unusual meekness to her demeanor that you haven’t really seen since your first date, but it made you all the more fascinated with your subject, and how multi-faceted she could be. Is this what all humans are like?
How do I be more like them?
“If not you, then who?” You let her swoop you into a feverish kiss.
For a moment, you felt at ease, light, human.
Mission Log 063
Subject has made advances and suggested a romantic relationship. Relationship established.
FD700-16.
You played along being her lover, all the while sending detailed information about her back to headquarters, where your maker, a man you only knew as Caesar, would receive them.
She also told you about her sister, and her adoptive parents one day when she came back from visiting them. She said they would be thrilled to meet you. You smiled and said you’d love to come to hear all the embarrassing stories about her when she was a kid.
They served you all the wonderful Russian delicacy when you came to visit which you were grateful for, and for the fact that you were made with a sense of taste and a digestive system. Yelena defended you from her parents when Alexei and Melina kept asking you too many questions. Her family was a weird bunch, but they worked together. You almost felt like you belong.
Mission Log 078
First contact made with agents from 1992-1995 Ohio mission.
Alexei Shostakov (adoptive father)
Melina Vostokoff (adoptive mother)
Yelena Belova (adoptive sister)
FD700-16.
Every touch, every hug, every kiss you shared with Natasha, you acted to perfection. It was imperative that she be convinced you loved her for you to gain her trust. You let her glide her hands anywhere she wanted along your body, touch you with the intensity she deemed right.
For the first time, you were shown the way humans show affection on a deeply personal and intimate level. This was what sexual intercourse was, you thought. You were aware that you would never be one of them, but you didn’t hold back sighs and moans of content when Natasha kissed you and touched you in all the ways that stimulated all the right nerve endings.
Though when Natasha lay naked beside you, her eyes closed as she slept soundly did you get the chance to really look at her without worrying about how she would look at you. And if you knew anything about beauty, you’d say it was her.
Caesar was getting impatient to find more information on the chemicals from the Red Room, so you needed to hurry on your search of the location of the file.
You tried to slip the conversation in as smoothly as you could, whenever it was just you and Natasha, whenever her guard was down. She never suspected a thing, and told you that the formula had been copied onto a disk, which has since been destroyed.
“I just think that it’s horrible.” You mumbled. “The key to weaponizing free will all contained in a tiny disk.”
“Okay, little Detective.” She chuckled and kissed your forehead. “I’m gonna crash now.”
You nodded and snuggled back into her arms.
“I love you.” She murmured.
You bit down on your teeth and held her closer.
Perhaps you loved her too.
“Close down for the night, will you?” Stark said before grabbing his coat.
“I will, Mr. Stark.” You nodded with a smile.
You watched him walked through the door of the lab. Once you were sure he was out of sight, you found a place to sit down, pretending that you were resting so as not to raise F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s suspicion.
Mission Log 085
The formula had been duplicated onto a disk, but subject thinks it has been destroyed.
Standby until further useful information is acquired.
FD700-16.
The next day, you woke up to a distressing message from Caesar:
“Advancing on Avengers Compound on the 25th. Retrieve the disk before then, or you’re shut down.”
The 25th was next Saturday. There was a coldness that ran down your back, a chilling dread at the pit of your stomach. Dread, fear. These feelings couldn’t have been in your original program, you were built to be fearless, but Caesar also built you to learn. Just like you learned to love Natasha.
Your Natasha.
She looked so peaceful in her sleep. It was a rare occurrence to see her let down her guard like this. She had just returned from a mission that took two weeks, and you convinced her to get a full night’s sleep instead of working on reports right away.
You let your fingers glide along her fringes, moving them out of her shut eyes, down to her cheekbones, then ghosting ever so slightly over her lips. You had become so familiar with her plump lips, and the way they behave like creatures in their own rights. Most of the time, you wished to press your own against them, and the pillowy sensation of it gave you what one could only describe as bliss.
“Morning,” she mumbled sleepily.
It was just the two of you here, the morning was early and still. Caesar could never take it away from you. You made sure to store this in your secret compartment, in which you only kept the most important files. Funnily enough, it was full of her.
You knew this day would come, you’d have to do what you were sent here for. But it didn’t hurt any less. You wanted to laugh: you have learned to hurt.
Mission Log 085
Give me two weeks. I’ll have it before then.
FD700-16.
At breakfast, you barely had the stomach to eat anything. You needed to come up with a plan to find the disk without Nat noticing. Every scenario you calculated resulted in the biggest catastrophes, none of them a happy ending.
Happy endings are for humans, not androids.
You felt a hand press against your thigh, and Nat was looking at you with a concern smile. “You okay, honey?” She asked. You felt tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. In a twisted scenario you conjured, void of the logical algorithm you were installed with, you saw yourself happy with Natasha. You wanted to throw your arms around her neck, and cry and confess everything, hoping that she had the heart to forgive you.
Instead, you only smiled, and intertwined your hand with hers. “I’m fine. Just a bit sleepy,” you lied.
A couple of days passed, and still, you heard nothing back from Caesar. You could only hope that he heeded your request.
The time not spent worrying about Caesar’s next move, you spent thinking of a way to extract the information you needed. You thought about texting Yelena or Melina to ask about it, but it would seem way too suspicious for Natasha to ask about something so important over text. So you opted for sweeping through her laptop. Sometimes what you seek lies right under your nose.
And rewarded you were. You found a lead in a file buried deep inside harmless looking files, titled ‘Photos’. The file needed decoding, but nothing that you couldn’t handle in a few minutes. You hovered your pinky over the USB hub, and when the tip of it morphed into a port, you quickly copied the file over.
“What are you doing?” Your blood ran cold. Natasha was walking over to you, unalarmed. Thankfully you were sitting against the bed frame.
“Just shopping around for ideas for Saturday night,” you shrugged casually, retracting your pinky. “What are you wearing?”
She let out a quick laugh. “You know I don’t care for Tony’s parties, so whatever’s on top of the pile.”
“And somehow you always manage to look gorgeous. Don’t you think it’s a little unfair?” You teased, setting the laptop aside.
A blush crept onto Nat’s cheek, as she found your hand to press a light kiss to it. When she looked back up at you, there was a tenderness in her eyes that made your knees buckle.
“I love you,” she confessed, “I never thought I’d ever be so happy. But you, you just—“ She shook her head with a smile, “you might have saved me.”
You were at a loss for words. There was an uneasy feeling bubbling in your stomach; pain, guilt, anger, you didn’t know. You loved her too, so much, and this moment should have been beautiful.
“Hey, don’t cry,” Nat cooed softly, wiping away at the corner of your eyes.
You only brought your arms around hers and kissed her deeply, afraid your words might fail you. Natasha, I’m not human, I’m a machine, I’m a spy, I was sent to ruin everything, you wanted to blurt out.
I’m not worthy of your love.
“I love you too,” you said instead. “So much.”
As much as a machine can love.
You spent the day tangled up in Natasha’s arms, warm and loved, until you receive Caesar’s message:
“New objective - FD700-16:
Eliminate Natasha Romanoff. Effective immediately.”
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PART II, PART III
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thatonebrazilian · 11 months
Text
Peace
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Summary: How could someone like you ever give her the peace of mind you knew she deserved?
Word count: Around 8700
Warnings: Self-loathing, a little bit of blood and violence, mentions of torture, Weapon Hex!Reader (meaning Reader has both Wanda's and Wolverine's powers).
A/N: First fic after the hiatus. It was cathartic to write this, it felt so different from my usual writing style full off dialog and action. Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
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You met her during a raid. More specifically, you met her as she and the Avengers raided the Hydra base where you have been kept.
At the time you didn't really pay attention to her, even if she was the most beautiful woman you've ever laid eyes upon. Your mind was occupied with the all-consuming fear that paralyzed you, for despite the power that resided in you, you were no warrior. You were a nobody, someone who was taken simply because no one would miss you.
As luck would have it, though, you survived a mix of the most dangerous experiments Hydra has ever made. They called you Weapon Hex, but you were no weapon, you were merely a frightened girl with overwhelming powers.
You had never had much courage, and instead of changing that, your stay at Hydra only reinforced it.
But then, suddenly, your captors were lying motionless on the ground as you crouched down in a corner with your hands covering your head. One of the Avengers tried approaching you, almost as if you were a wild animal. Your reaction was merely instinctual, your magic flared up, throwing whoever got near you to the far side of the lab; your claws came out, and you accidentally stabbed yourself, yelping in pain, feeling your magic explode outwards in response to the well-known stimulus.
"Please, don't hurt me!" You begged, backing up as they tried approaching you again, dragging yourself through the floor as far away from them as you could.
"No one here's gonna hurt you, kid," said the beautiful redhead, raising her hands in a peaceful gesture.
"Nat, back away from her, she's dangerous," said a man with a bow and arrow.
"She's scared, Clint." The woman, Nat, replied.
You didn't know that woman, you didn't know those people, but looking in her eyes you felt safer than you ever did since you were taken.
"What are you doing here?" A blond man asked, taking a step closer.
You tried backing away once again, but your back met another wall. You were cornered.
The redhead reproached the blond man with a single look, making him take a step back, she looked at you then and smiled faintly.
"We're not gonna hurt you, kid, I promise. We just want to understand why you're here," the woman said, taking another step closer. You didn't try to back away this time, but you looked hesitantly at the men behind her.
She understood your hesitance, your fear, so she ordered them to clear the rest of the base, and they promptly obeyed.
"Now," she said, "can you tell me what happened?"
And that's how you found yourself telling her everything from the moment you got taken to where you were now; you told her about every single torture session, every single pinprick.
That was the first time you opened up to Natasha Romanoff.
~
You were not Avenger material; you knew that, they knew that, and yet, you stayed. Your powers were exceptional, the overwhelming magic, the super strength that could easily rival Captain America's, and the neverending healing that prevented your body from being damaged for more than a couple of seconds. If you didn't learn how to control it, you'd be exposing everyone around you to danger; that's why you stayed, were forced to stay.
They said they weren't keeping you a prisoner, that once you mastered control over your powers you'd be able to leave. In the beginning you didn't really believe it, but then, little by little, they earned your trust.
Steve started training you to control your super strength, and contrary to Hydra training, he never hurt you; quite the opposite really, he talked to you, made jokes and told you about all the times he kicked Hydra ass.
Thor tried helping you with your magic, but that didn't turn out great. Since there was no magic user on the team, hence no one to teach you practical magic, Natasha thought it best to help you master your self control and willpower in general.
Contrary to Steve's lessons, Natasha's were more strict. She didn't make jokes, she talked only when necessary, and glared at you whenever you were too out of it. You found it was a complete opposite of her normal behavior towards you.
For some reason, Natasha Romanoff, the most intimidating member of the Avengers, was soft on you. Maybe it was because you were the only other girl on the team, maybe she pitied you for your cowardice, or maybe she was a bit protective since you were the youngest. Whatever the reason, though, you were grateful for it.
~
She was troubled, you found. In the dead of the night, she'd trash on her bed, riddled by nightmares, only to wake up startled. You could feel her fears, her nightmares screamed at you from the opposite side of the hall; with your powers, you could feel her every move, hear her every labored breath, almost as if you were by her side.
That was how you found out that she didn't wake up everyday at 4am because she wanted to.
Steve, now one of your best friends, told you they'd run together at 4:45 every single morning, and you had mistakenly thought she did it out of discipline. Truth was, she only did it because she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.
That's how you found yourself in the kitchen at 4 am, with two mugs of tea ready. You didn't need as much sleep as the average person, what with your body healing itself every few seconds, so you thought, why not?
"What're you doing up at this hour, kid?" Natasha asked, walking into the kitchen.
You shrugged and offered her a mug "I don't really need much sleep, and I thought some tea would be nice".
You were no spy, no actor, but you honestly thought she would buy that little white lie. You realized how foolish that was when you saw her shoulders tense, an expression of anger taking over her face, one you saw many times before, but never directed at you. You could hear her thoughts, she thought you invaded her privacy, and betrayed her trust.
"You know about the nightmares, don't you?" She asked, taking a menacing step towards you.
Your time at the Avengers tower helped you control yourself better, but you were still the same scared, traumatized girl they took in a few months ago, and upon seeing that expression on her face, that threatening stance she took, your automatic response was to take a couple of steps back and use your arms to protect your face for the inevitable blows that would come.
But no blows came, and slowly but surely you lowered your arms, allowing yourself to see the mix of guilt and surprise written on her face.
She took a couple of hesitant steps forward, you didn't back away this time.
"I'm sorry," she said in a low voice, extending her hand slowly towards you, "I'm so sorry."
And then you were in her arms, head tucked in her neck as she embraced you delicately "I'm never gonna hurt you, kid, no matter what."
That was the first time you felt your heart beating erratically because of any emotion other than fear.
~
You were not emotionally illiterate, you knew what you were feeling most of the time, but the green, ugly feeling that arose in you every time you saw Natasha and Bruce together was somewhat new.
To be honest, you never really had anyone to be jealous of, you never fell in love, you barely had friends, and you and your family were estranged, that was the main reason Hydra took you, actually, because nobody would miss you.
So yeah, when the first person you deeply cared for in such a long time showed so much interest in somebody else, yes, you became jealous.
Weirdly enough, somehow, you managed to become friends with most of the team. You didn't know what they saw in you, you didn't know why they even spared a glance your way, and yet somehow you managed to earn a place in their hearts, which, if you were honest, only made you feel more conflicted as you watched Natasha flirt with Bruce.
They were your friends, for fucks sake, you wanted them to be happy, more than anything, but you couldn't shake the bad feeling growing in the pit of your stomach.
Each time she would laugh at his jokes, each time she would touch his arm, each time he would stare longingly at her, you would just wish them happiness in your head, but the war raging inside your heart told you that you wanted her to look at you that way. You, not him.
The fact that she was so soft with you didn't help matters. Each day at 4:00 a.m. you would have tea together, and each day she would tell you more and more about her past.
She told you about Yelena, Ohio, and the whole mission. She told you some things about the Red Room, although she became a little bit closed off whenever it came to that. It was clear as day how much her past weighed on her, the tenseness of her shoulder gave it away, along with the sleepless nights, the slight paranoia, and the trust issues.
You wished, more than anything, you were able to give her peace of mind somehow, but she was set on achieving it by trying to make up for all the red in her ledger.
Maybe someday you would get the courage to tell her that none of that was her fault, maybe someday you'd tell her that she was the best person you have ever crossed paths with, that she didn't need to make up for anything.
Maybe someday you would outgrow your fears and tell her how you felt.
But then, seeing the way she looks at Bruce and vice versa, maybe that day would never come.
~
It still amazed you the trust the team put in you, the problem was that you didn't deserve that trust.
On your first mission with them, the moment someone pointed a gun your way you froze. Steve dove in front of you just in time for the bullet to bounce against his shield. After that Clint promptly pulled you away from the action.
During your second mission, they deemed it better to leave you on the sidelines, where there would be fewer people trying to kill you. It didn't work out that well, though, for the moment someone came to you wielding a knife, you panicked and your powers flared out, throwing the enemy so hard their skull bashed open when they landed.
After that, Natasha started training you in physical combat along with your willpower and self-control training. Her focus was on you being able to duck and defend because she knew that if you learned to defend yourself, you would probably be less susceptible to freaking out mid-battle.
On the one hand, you did think it was going to help you during battles, but on the other, having her touch your body so frequently made you feel things. And Natasha didn't make things easy for you, she would come behind you and put her hands on your waist to show you the correct stance, and she would run her hands down your back or your sides each time she wanted to show you a new way to duck or dodge, and she would smile that dazzling smile of hers whenever you did something that made her proud.
"I think you're doing better," she said once, with a soft smile on her face "soon you'll be able to hold your own in the battlefield".
At that you retreated a little into yourself, wondering how such a powerful person as you could be so cowardly and selfish as to avoid fighting even when it meant you could save lives, while someone without any superhuman abilities such as Natasha could risk her own life to save others.
"I don't know, Nat" you said then, "I just don't think this will work. How will I even know what to do? I mean, I've never had the courage to follow up on my convictions, as long as danger was near, but now that I was made into this, danger's always around the corner… They say you attract what you are, and I am dangerous. I'm a danger to all of you."
At that, Natasha walked up to you. You didn't even seem to notice what she was doing, too wrapped up in your head, but then you felt her arms around you and your body instantly relaxed. What you did notice, though, was how she seemed to melt against you.
She was such a brave, strong, selfless person. All you wanted was to be able to make her see that too. You wanted her to feel relaxed most of the time, you wanted her to sleep soundly, and you wanted her mind to be at ease. But how could you, of all people, ever give her peace?
~
The upcoming missions weren't as bad as you thought they would be. Granted, you were never in the thick of it, you were never in the center field fighting with the others, but you did help from the sidelines, sneaking up on the enemy and making surprise attacks.
Your reaction to having any weapon pointed at you never got much better, though. You would freeze, tremble, and unwillingly blast magic at whoever tried to attack you. At least with Natasha's help, you learned to contain yourself, and there were never any more casualties when you entered the battlefield.
You wish you could say your reaction to seeing her and Bruce flirt got better, but it was stagnant, the green monster of jealousy never failing to show up whenever you'd see them together.
Steve seemed to catch up on that, and he took upon always offering you a way out whenever he realized you saw them flirting. Thus you began spending more time together, and whenever he tried to comfort you you felt a pain in your chest, for Steve reminded you too much of your late brother, the only person in your family that ever stood up for you.
And as you watched his face fall whenever he saw Tony and Pepper together, you realized you were not alone in your suffering.
At least you had each other.
~
You would never admit to anyone that you welcomed the distraction Ultron's bots gave you at that party. You couldn't handle the way Natasha and Bruce interacted with each other at that bar, and when the robots crashed in, you welcomed the distraction.
But then things started getting so out of control. First with the Maximoff twins, who you have heard of during your time in captivity. You had only heard their names by chance because no one in Hydra would trust you with vital information. You didn't know what their powers were, what they were capable of, or what they looked like. But then the girl used her magic to get into the other's head; she tried to do the same to you, she did, but by then you knew enough about magic to be able to block hers when it came in contact with yours.
The girl was shocked when she realized you had the same sort of magic as her, and then it dawned on her who you were.
"You're the Weapon Hex," she said to herself. You didn't say anything back, didn't have time, because by then her brother had already swooped her away.
You didn't chase after them, though, you turned as fast as you could and ran to where you'd seen Natasha, stagnant as a rock, glassy eyes haunted, staring right through you.
Your fingers touched her temple, and you could feel your magic warring against Wanda's inside her head.
Almost as if you were transported, you could see yourself in a sterile room with a younger Natasha by your side, strapped to a stretcher. She looked at you with no recognition in her eyes, and you didn't know what to do.
When you heard people getting closer to the room you saw a glint of panic in her eyes, so you did the only thing you knew how to do. You hid. And then, when the door opened, you took them by surprise. They weren't fast enough to escape the blinding red light that came at them.
With her captors out, you neared the stretcher, and as gently as you could, you unsheathed your claws and cut the straps holding her down.
This version of Natasha was so much younger than the one you were used to, her eyes were wide as you freed her, her muscles tense as she sat up.
You hesitantly reached for her hand, but she pulled away at the last second. You knelt on the floor, then, and looked into her eyes, trying to show her that in no way, shape or form you intended to assert any type of dominance over her.
"Nat, it's me, Y/N," you said, debating if you should try to reach for her hand again or not. "This is a nightmare, we were at a Hydra base when a witch attacked us. You're not in the Red Room, you're an Avenger, a freaking superhero. You saved a lot of people. You saved me."
She blinked a couple of times, and you saw a flicker of recognition in her eyes.
"Detka?" She asked, looking at your whole face almost as if she was analyzing you. You didn't know what that word meant, but you nodded anyway. You needed her to feel calmer so you could get her out of here.
Her shoulders relaxed a little and she took a deep breath, you reached for her hand again, then, and the moment your fingers touched, blinding red light emanated from them, taking you both to the real world.
You didn't expect the sudden dizziness, though, nor to feel your legs tangling with hers as you both tried to support yourselves on each other. And with a little shriek, you stumbled, landing right above her on the floor.
Natasha sat halfway up then, elbows supporting her, her eyes looking at you with what you could only describe as gratitude.
"Thank you." She practically whispered against your face, nose almost touching yours, making you realize how close you two were.
You got up fast with the excuse of helping the others. You avoided her for the rest of the day, too embarrassed to even look her in the eye.
~
Clint's farm was a charming place, and you felt a warmth in your chest when you met his family.
His wife, Laura, thought you were a sweet oddball, she took an instant liking to you. Little Lila was ecstatic to see another girl in the group. Upon seeing you for the first time, she asked Natasha if you were a superhero too, and as soon as she heard "She's the strongest superhero you'll ever meet", Lila immediately clang to you like a koala.
On the one hand, you felt a sense of belonging like you never had before, but on the other… it was not safe for any child to be around you, like it or not you were still dangerous, what if you lost control near the kids? What if your claws accidentally stabbed a pregnant Laura?
Overwhelmed by those thoughts, you took the first opportunity to slip outside when no one noticed. You didn't need to stay there at the farm, you could find a place to hide on your own.
As you were stabilizing your magic to fly, Natasha came from the house. You couldn't decipher the look on her face.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
Upon hearing her voice you felt your energy deflate, almost as if she was grounding you to her.
"It's not safe if I stay here," you said.
Natasha crossed her arms and took a couple of steps closer. "So what, you're just going to leave? Find a place to hide on your own?"
You could feel your eyes starting to burn, your shoulders sagging, "What if I hurt them, Nat? Look at me! I am too dangerous to be around children and pregnant women!"
She stopped for a second, almost as if she couldn't believe the words that left your mouth. She shook her head, then, and took a couple more steps towards you, her face showing nothing but understanding.
She hesitatingly extended her hand, almost as if she was wary of touching you.
That, right there, was another reason for you to go. After the whole Wanda fiasco, Natasha seemed hesitant to touch you. Although you two became way closer than before, it wasn't hard to notice her hesitance whenever it came to skin-to-skin contact. And maybe it was petty of you, but sometimes you found yourself wanting to draw away just to give her the physical space she seemed so keen on having.
But right there at that moment, she wanted to touch you, and you couldn't say no. Natasha slowly took your hands in hers, caressing your knuckles with her thumbs.
"You are the gentlest soul that I've ever met, you won't harm Laura or the kids." She said, looking deep into your eyes. "Do you really think Clint would have let you come anywhere near the farm if he thought you were a danger to his family?"
"But there's always the risk… As long as I'm here, there's always the risk of them getting hurt." You said, shaking your head, trying to pull your hands away from her grasp.
Natasha strengthened her hold on you, and with a slight tremble to her body, she pulled you in, embracing you.
"Please, stay, just a bit more… For me." She whispered against your ear, making your resolve crumble.
You melted against her, gripping her shirt in your fists as if she was the only thing keeping you up, tucking your face in her neck as if you wanted to hide from the world.
"For you. I'll stay for you."
~
"You know… it's been going on for a while." Steve said as the two of you sat on the porch, looking at the trail where Natasha and Bruce were walking together.
"What?" you asked, almost as if coming out of a trance.
"The two of them," Steve said, "it's been going on since before she met you."
You turn to look at him with furrowed brows "Is it? I've never realized…"
"They've been spending more time together in the last couple of months, but they don't seem as close as before." He said "Even if Natasha's been more open to physical touch. Well… she's been more open in general. I think it has something to do with you."
"Has she?" You asked "Because from where I stand, it feels like she's withdrawing from me…" you sighed and shook your head "I mean, we've been spending more time together too, but it's almost like she's afraid of touching me."
"I think she is afraid." Steve said, looking at her in the distance.
"What?" you asked, a crushing feeling settling in your chest "Do you really think she's afraid of me?"
"No, not of you. I think she's afraid you're going to leave." Steve replied.
"Why would she think that?"
"You never wanted this life, Y/N, and we always knew that." He kicked a bit of dirt, refusing to meet your gaze "We made you stay for you to learn how to control your powers… and now you have. After we deal with Ultron, nothing is stopping you from leaving us."
You hung your head, rubbing your temple with one hand as Steve gently patted the other.
"I've got nowhere to go, Steve. My family deserted me after finding out I was bi, the very few friends that I had have probably assumed I'm dead by now, I was living in a shitty apartment and working a minimum wage job. There's nothing for me to go back to." You said, then, raising your head to look at the sky "You're right. I never wanted this, and I've never asked for these powers, but that's not going to change the fact that I have them now and that I could do some good with them. But more than that, you guys became my family. I'd never leave you behind."
A huge smile lit up Steve's face, and he swung an arm over your shoulder, hugging you sideways.
"Well, don't let Tony hear that, otherwise he'll want to throw you a party," he joked "But seriously, Y/N, you're our family too. I'm glad you're staying."
You opened your mouth to reply, but the sound of Laura's voice made you stop.
"There you are!" She said with a mischievous smile on her face, drying her hands on her apron. "Steve, come with me, I need some super strength. Y/N, go get Natasha and Bruce for dinner."
"You do know I have super strength, too, right?" You asked with a lift of your brows.
"Yes, sweetie, but you're also as clumsy as they come. Now, shoo, go get those two idiots." Laura replied, making you laugh out loud.
"Yes ma'am!" You said, getting up and saluting her.
"So bossy," Steve mouthed behind her back. You had to hold back your laughter this time, lest she realize what he did.
You shook your head in amusement and turned around, looking at where Nat and Bruce stood. It could be considered a pretty romantic setting, both of them leaning against the fence, looking at the setting sun.
You really didn't want to go there, you didn't want to see how cozy they felt with each other, you didn't want to witness their mutual affections, but you also didn't want to stress a pregnant woman, so off you went.
They didn't see you approaching, you supposed they were too wrapped up on each other.
"You're the most wonderful woman I've ever met, I care about you too much to ever let you go." You heard Bruce say, your heart feeling heavy at those words.
"You know I find you just as wonderful," Natasha answered, her hand caressing his. "Yeah… Even though I'm a monster," he said barely above a whisper, eyes trained on their hands.
"Hey, there's only one monster in our team, and it's not you." She said, and you froze.
Was she talking about you? You looked at your hands then, seeing the slits from where your claws came out. You remembered the redness of your eyes whenever you were wielding magic, the way the very few serious injuries you'd had during your time with the Avengers healed almost instantly.
Of course she was talking about you, who else would she be talking about?
"That's no excuse, though," Bruce said, shaking his head.
"It's not. I already told you the main reason." Natasha said with a somewhat sad smile. "Bruce, I love-"
You cleared your throat, not wanting to hear her saying those words to him. "Sorry to interrupt," you said, then, not looking either of them in the eyes "but Laura asked me to fetch you for dinner."
Natasha raised a single brow, a smirk on her face. "Fetch us?" She teased.
You still didn't meet her eyes, though. You weren't mad at her for calling you a monster, you really weren't, because how could you be mad at her for telling the truth?
Yet, you knew it'd hurt to look at her right at that moment, so you just nodded, turned around and left.
You didn't make it far, though. Natasha caught up to you, her hand around your wrist. You hesitantly turned to face her, eyes downcast.
"Y/N, what happened?" She asked in a worried tone.
Your eyes landed where your skin was touching hers. It felt so right, but at the same time, so wrong. Natasha was a true hero, a person raised as a weapon, a woman taught naught but evil; lying, deceiving and killing were ingrained in her, and yet she fought against that nature every single day. She was a paragon of goodness.
Her integrity made you feel small and insufficient. It felt so wrong to taint that selflessness of hers with your monstrosity. It felt like you were wasting her honor.
"Detka," she said, hesitating before cupping your face with her other hand, making you look at her.
She had a worried look on her face. You bit your lip. You owed her the truth; of what you had just listened in to, of how you felt.
You didn't want to say it, no, but Natasha deserved nothing but honesty, even if said honesty did irreparable damage to your friendship with her.
You may be a monster on the outside, but there was enough humanity left in you to know that you shouldn't shy away from doing what was right just because it hurt.
"I heard you and Bruce talking…" you said, then, closing your eyes "I knew you were just being nice when you told me I wouldn't hurt Laura or the kids, when you told me I was gentle, but… If you really think I'm a monster, why ask me to stay? Why put yourself and the others in danger?"
A beat of silence. Two. Three.
You opened your eyes and looked at her, and for some reason, Natasha seemed utterly confused.
"What are you talking about?" She asked then.
"You told Bruce there was only one monster in our team." You explained, making her eyes widen a little before a look of pure determination settled on her face.
She gripped your shoulders, then, making you look deep into her eyes.
"Y/N, you are not a monster." She said, her fingers digging into your skin "I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about myself. I told you once and I'll tell you however many times you'll need to understand: You are the best person I have ever crossed paths with. You're just so good. Your heart is pure, you somehow managed to maintain a certain innocence in your soul despite everything that's happened to you. You are not a monster, you could never be one."
You furrowed your brows and gritted your teeth. Your heart did somersaults upon hearing her words, butterflies swarmed your stomach, and yet you felt terribly angry. How dare she talk about herself like that?
Natasha Romanoff was the exact opposite of a monster. She was an angel, a goddess in disguise.
"Why would you say that about yourself?" You asked through gritted teeth "I'd understand if it was about me, because even if you say I'm good, my skeleton is still made of metal, I still have claws, my eyes still turn red and yet I keep on being a fucking coward. But Natasha, despite not having any power whatsoever you still risk your life every single day for people you don't even know. You keep trying to clean up your ledger when you were forced to paint it red in the first place." You said, taking her hands in yours "You're not just any hero, you're my hero. You're the one who made me realize that I could do this, that I could be someone who helps people. You're the one who made me want to stay and become a full-fledged Avenger."
She didn't say anything for a moment, and you thought you went too far, that she'd push you away due to her own realization of your feelings, but then her eyes seemed to water and a smile lit up her face.
Coming to think about it, Steve was right, you never saw her smile as much as she did when she was you, and it made you wonder… maybe you'd never be able to give her the peace she deserves, but you were like a fire and you could keep her brittle heart warm.
"You're staying," she said more to herself than to you, as if there ever was the possibility of you leaving her.
"As long as you'll have me," you told her, then, taking advantage of the small amount of courage that ran through your veins at that moment to take a step towards her, getting rid of most of the distance that separated you and snaking your arms around her.
You were ready to open your mouth and tell her how much she meant to you, to tell her how she made your heart beat faster, how you never felt like someone cared for you like she does, but then your traitor brain recalled the one moment that'd make you pull back.
She was ready to confess her love for Bruce when you interrupted them.
And suddenly the butterflies in your stomach seemed to die, your heart started to ache and your eyes to burn. You couldn't tell her how you felt, you couldn't put that weight on her shoulders. She cared about you too much, she'd be devastated if she knew she was causing you any sort of pain. You couldn't burden her with that.
"Nat, I'm really sorry for interrupting you and Bruce earlier," you told her "and I want you to know that-"
You couldn't finish the sentence with her mouth pressed against yours. Your brain short-circuited, you didn't know what to do, except your body did. You didn't even realize you were opening your mouth to let her in, you didn't realize that your hands were pulling her hips against yours, you were too intoxicated by her to differentiate between up and down.
When her lips parted from yours, a muttered "wow" left your mouth without permission, making Natasha chuckle and bringing you back to the real world, the world where she was about to confess her love for Bruce a couple of minutes ago.
"Nat… what are you doing?" You asked in a small voice as her face got closer to yours again, too afraid to drive her away.
You felt your stomach drop when you saw her body stiffen, the smile on her face slowly dying.
"I thought… I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm gonna-" She was already turning away, but you caught her wrist with both hands, too afraid to let her go even if you knew you'd never make her stay if she didn't want to.
"I liked it!" You found yourself saying in a sudden bout of courage "A lot. I've been wanting to do that for a while, but you were about to tell Bruce you love him and I don't know what-"
"What?!" She asked, almost as if you had offended her.
"When I came to get the two of you, you were about to confess your love to him… were you not?"
Natasha's eyes searched your face for a while. You didn't know what she was looking for, but whatever it was, she must've found it, because her smile came back as she took a step closer and cupped your cheeks.
"You're right, I was about to confess my love." She said and you closed your eyes for a second, but when Natasha's thumbs started caressing your cheeks, you opened them to see her looking at you with a very familiar glint in her eyes.
"I was about to confess to him how much I love you."
You opened your mouth, but no words came, you were too stunned, not having expected to hear those words.
"What?" You asked then, dumbfounded, barely above a whisper.
"Bruce and I had this unspoken thing before you came along, and the more I spent time with you the more I drew away from him." She said, and to be honest, you never realized that, because your main focus was always her. "He asked me to give us a last chance, and I tried to make it up to him by spending as much time as I could by his side… but what you were about to witness was the moment I finally told him this is not working." She took a deep breath and rested her forehead against yours. "I've been in love with you for months, it wouldn't be fair to any of us if I chose him, knowing that I love you."
You felt tears pooling in your eyes, and your heart was beating erratically, but you never felt as happy as you did at that moment.
You pulled her mouth to yours then, muttering between kisses that you loved her too.
~
After that, you felt a strange sort of confidence you've never felt before. Maybe it was because little by little you were becoming more courageous, or maybe it was because you knew Natasha would be by your side no matter what.
You didn't change overnight, no, but you didn't shy away from things as much as you did before.
Natasha made you want to be better.
There was no label to what you two had, it was all too new, too fragile. You didn't want to spoil anything. The only thing you knew was that things with her felt… common, mundane, but not in a bad sense, it's just- you could be yourself with her, and she didn't have to put up any walls with you.
Even in the midst of all the hectic dangerous day to day of an Avenger, you still felt at home with her.
~
Taking down Ultron was a piece of cake compared to having to deal with the Sokovia Accords.
Of course you sided with Steve, and you had to admit it broke your heart a little to see Natasha taking Tony's side, but you couldn't accept being controlled by anyone anymore. You wouldn't.
Tony's side had no chance against you and Wanda together. The two of you immediately became friends after meeting; Vision attributed this instant connection to your powers, both coming from the same source.
It was almost as if you could feel her, and all you felt was sadness and pain. You felt yourself wanting to be a guiding light in the poor witch's life, even if your own was pretty much miserable before the Avengers.
Natasha took it upon herself to help you make Wanda feel at home, and your love for the ex-assassin only grew. You wondered how someone who was taught only evil could be so inherently good.
It didn't take long for Wanda to become one of your best friends, second only to Natasha.
Whenever you and the witch fought together you were unstoppable and, when the time came to fight against half of your new family, it showed.
Rhodes laid half dead on the floor, Vision had a couple of sparks leaving his body as if he was overworking himself, the Spider-Man stood trapped in a magical cage, and Tony's suit got destroyed in the blink of an eye.
The sight of Natasha going against T'Challa, taking a stance on the right side, made your heart swell with both pride and affection.
Of course, things wouldn't be easy in the future, both of you went against the law, and you were officially fugitives, but in your eyes, it was worth it.
You helped Wanda escape with Vision after Steve and Bucky left, and you promptly took Natasha's hand and flew away from the United States.
It was a couple of weeks later when you found yourself in Norway with her, living the quiet life in a trailer.
~
The quiet life didn't even last a whole night.
You were nervous about sleeping in the same bed as her; the two of you were taking things slow so both of you could learn to navigate each other's trauma and, hopefully, heal together.
The night after her first confession you had decided to ask Natasha why she was drawing away from you so much. You learned of her views on physical touch, and of how she acted when her feelings became too overwhelming. She told you she drew away from you because she was scared of her feelings, as she never felt for someone as much as she felt for you.
For her, physical touch was something superficial, trivial, something she was taught to use as a weapon, as a means of manipulation, so when she found herself so enamored with you she didn't want to sully you with her touch.
It took a while to make Natasha realize that her hands were clean, not a single drop of red in them. She more than made up for all the things she was forced to do when in the Red Room. It took time, but she finally started seeing how she was more than deserving of your touch (which was ironic, for you never felt deserving of hers).
So, yeah, you were nervous about finally spending your first night sleeping in the same bed… that didn't happen, though.
First came the Taskmaster, then Budapest, Yelena, the prison break, and finally Melina. And weirdly enough, her dysfunctional family became a supporting system for you, almost as much as her.
~
You always knew what Natasha was capable of, but after seeing the Red Room first hand you finally understood why.
Somehow, someway, Dreykov and his Widows found out about you, and more than that, they found out about your relationship with Natasha. Now he didn't want just her, he wanted the two of you.
So there you were, strapped to a chair, with cuffs that somehow inhibited both your magic and your super strength. And as if that wasn't enough, the Taskmaster held a strange gun in her hands, a gun that, according to Dreykov, could bypass your healing factor.
Things seemed dire; you were incapacitated while Natasha couldn't really do anything against Dreykov, nor could she attack the Taskmaster (otherwise Dreykov's gun would be tested for real). But your Natalia was a smart one, thus when Dreykov lost the battle of wills and attacked, Nat acted as if he was actually hurting her, and finally, when he punched her face for the last time, she threw herself to the floor near the chair you were strapped to.
With hands moving almost faster than your eyes could follow, she broke you off of your chains, and in a flurry of movement, she severed her nerve by bashing her head against the chair.
With the two of you free, she flung herself at Dreykov and you used your magic to blast the gun away from the Taskmaster, sending the girl you now knew to be Antonia right through the wall.
With red eyes and unsheathed claws, you used your magic to bind Dreykov's hands and feet apart, making him float midair as Natasha approached him slowly.
"You know, you were all safe, hidden in the dark," Nat said, each menacing step she took made Dreykov's eyes widen a little bit more "but you messed up. I bet you never realized my sister took after me."
Natasha was now face to face with him, her eyes full of a hatred you had never seen before "And as if your own mess up wasn't enough, you had to go and threaten the woman I'm going to marry someday; that's when you painted a big fat target on your sorry back"
You could feel Natasha's satisfaction as she punched him in the face, again and again, and again. She procured a knife then, and buried it in Dreykov's gut with a finality that only came from fulfilling a long, overdue mission.
But then you saw a red beam of light coming straight her way, your eye identified Antonia's gun on the girl's lap, pointing at Nat.
Your body didn't freeze this time, quite the contrary, it moved almost as if on its own accord, not that you'd ever do something different. You've always heard that love was for show, but you loved Natasha Romanoff so much that you'd die for her in secret, with only her's and Antonia's gazes as witnesses to your sacrifice.
You jumped. The bean hit you.
Even if you didn't survive, it would be ok, after all, just the knowledge that Nat loved you as much as you did her was enough to have made life worth living.
~
Your burial was scheduled in a secluded place, Nat reached out to all the other Avengers, and even the ones who signed the accords declared a truce in honor of your memory.
Steve knelt beside your coffin and cried his eyes out, for you were the sister he never had. Pepper held Tony and he buried his face in her neck in a failed attempt to hide his tears. Yelena petted Natasha's back as the redhead cried hunched over your body.
Nat blamed herself for not being able to break Clint free in time for your farewell, but she couldn't stand seeing your unmoving body anymore. She'd had Melina examine you, then she called in a couple of favors and got you to the best doctors money could buy. No one was able to even tell what had happened to you. Not even Antonia, after she got out of her mind control, could tell what was that ray she blasted you with.
"Nat," said a voice she knew well, but she didn't want to deal with him, she didn't want to talk to anyone.
"I do not know who you are, but now is not a good time" Yelena said with a little bite in her voice.
"My name's Bruce," he said, "I just wanted to say my condolences… When did…" he trailed off, not knowing how to say it.
"It's been a week, give or take," Natasha managed to say, pulling away from your unmoving body.
She gritted her teeth when she saw the frown on Bruce's face, she didn't want to deal with whatever the problem was.
"I'm sorry for being crude, but her body's in perfect condition, shouldn't it be in process of decompos-"
"Are you being serious right now?" Yelena gritted out.
"She's dead, Bruce, we took her to the best doctors." Natasha spat out.
Bruce didn't say anything, he just took out a small switchblade and slashed your skin, making Natasha pull him away and Steve punch him hard enough to make him fly all the way to the lake nearby.
"Holy shit," said Tony, "look at her arm!"
There, in front of their eyes, your skin slowly, very very slowly, knitted itself back together.
"How's it possible her powers persisted if she's dead?" Steve asked.
Tony shook his head "because she's not dead!"
Natasha Romanoff never felt her heart beating as fast as at that moment. You weren't dead. She'd have you back by her side.
~
You remembered all the nights when you'd hear the sound of tossing and turning, you could practically feel her uneasiness through the walls each night. The nightmares haunted her frequently and at that time you didn't know how to make them stop.
After everything went down, Bruce and Tony managed to find out that the ray basically made your heart stop, but your powers kept your organs alive, according to them you were hibernating. They took a couple of days, but your friends got your heart beating again. Now, after breaking the others from jail and safely evading the police, you and Natasha found yourselves in Norway once again.
See, you expected your first night sharing a bed with Natasha to be somewhat hurtful. You expected to see with your own eyes the extent of her nightmares, you expected not to be able to properly sleep due to the tossing and turning. Turns out you really didn't sleep, not because of her, but because you wanted to be awake, to be able to comfort her just in case.
A part of you found it weird that she didn't show any signs of bad dreams since you imagined that sleeping beside Natasha would be a testament to how haunted she was; you imagined the mumbling, the sweat, and the expression on her face that would show you what you always knew about. Her dreams were haunted by her past.
You imagined she'd twist and turn every night, you imagined you'd use your magic to soothe her.
As the days went by and you saw no sign of her night terrors, sleep came easily to you.
One particular morning she woke up before you, the light of the morning sun filtered through the window and bathed you in sunlight. You were facing her, your eyes closed, your hair a beautiful mess. She knew then and there that she'd never be able to live without you, that if one day you really left her behind, she'd promptly follow you.
You opened your eyes slowly only to see her already awake, looking at you as if she wanted to remember every single detail.
"Hi," you said with a shy smile.
"Hi," she whispered back, beaming at you.
You crept closer to her and tucked your head in her neck, basking in her smell, her warmth. You didn't say anything more, and neither did she, and that brought a lightness in your chest that you could only hope to be replicated in hers. There you two were, relaxed, tranquil, basking in the silence that only comes when two people understand each other, when there's strong enough a bond to form a family. She was your family, and it showed in the way you looked at her, in the way you touched her, in the way you always thought of her first. It showed in the way you interacted with her family, in the way you became thick as thieves with her sister, whom you now see as your own.
But there was just one thing that always bothered you…
"Will it be enough if I can never give you peace?" You asked her then, because you couldn't give her that, and Natasha Romanoff, more than anyone in the world, deserved peace.
"What are you talking about?" She asked, but it was a rhetorical question. You furrowed your brows and pulled back a little to look at her.
"You went through so much, Natasha; more than any other person I know. You, more than anyone, deserve to just be relaxed and not have to look over your shoulder; you deserve to sleep soundlessly and not be hunted down by any nightmare; you deserve not to feel the weight of everything that was forced onto you. I can't give you that." You said then, barely above a whisper, your eyes looking deep into hers. "I can't give you peace."
"Detka," she said, caressing your face, a small smile lighting up her beautiful features, "peace is not something you're normally able to give to other people… but if there's someone that does it for me, it's you".
You couldn't have heard it right, could you? How could you, of all people, offer it to her?
"What?" You asked then, perplexed.
"You helped me with getting my family back, you made me see that I made up for everything I've done under the Red Room's name; With you, I never have to look over my shoulder, I feel relaxed enough because I know you're always going to look out for me; I never have to worry about my enemies getting ahold of you, because you defied death itself; there's also the nightmares, I haven't had a single one since I first slept by your side. And of course, the love. You make me feel loved, truly loved, I've never thought someone could love me so wholly, but you do, and I love you just as much, and our love, in and of itself, it's peace."
You felt tears in your eyes, you felt butterflies in your stomach and bubbles in your chest. "I want to give you my all. Give you my peace, give you my wild… give you a child. I want to live the rest of my life by your side, Natasha Romanoff."
She smiled as she kissed you "Shall I buy the rings, then, my love?"
Turns out you didn't need to know if it'd be enough if you could never bring her peace, because you are her peace.
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Natasha Romanoff taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo
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pipsipey17 · 1 year
Text
a little lie
boss/ceo!dom!natasha romanoff x assistant!bottom!fem!reader
main masterlist
summary: your parents introduced you to someone when you got back from your date but little did you know it was your boss whom they introduced you to.
contains: possessive and jealous nat, sorta semi public sex which means some smut ig.
please be informed that English isn't my first language so please bear with any grammatical/punctuation errors thank you!
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Your date went surprisingly well, even though it was arranged by your mom because she wants you to somehow 'go out' more. The woman whom you had a date with, Wanda is a pretty great woman she was just not your type, your boss is more of your type, dominant, powerful and older. You liked her the first time you saw her, it was during when you first applied as an assistant at her company, you thankfully got the job and eventually, you also got the heart of your boss, well... sort of. The both of you haven't established what you are just yet all that you know is that you two hookup from time to time or sometimes engage in intimacy like how any normal couple would do.
You arrived at the restaurant where your parents said they would meet someone for business purposes.
“Hey mom, hey dad.” You greeted them as you approached their table. 
You hear your dad say, “Hi darling, I would like you to meet Miss Natasha Romanoff,” your world suddenly froze as you looked at the opposite side of the table, there she was, sitting there in all of her glory, wearing a champagne colored dress with a plunging neckline, it made you curious if dresses with plunging necklines are really her thing or she just wears those to tease you.
“-this is my daughter, Y/n.” You last heard your father say since you totally blocked off what he was saying.
“Nice meeting you, Miss Romanoff,” you tried to say casually trying not to cause any suspicion. “The pleasure’s all mine.” Natasha replied with a smile. 
“Take a seat dear,” Your mom said as she gestured to the chair beside Natasha.
Great, just great.
As you were eating, you felt her hand slowly caressing your thigh, thankfully you were wearing pants or else you would be a flustering mess by now. You looked at her and saw that she was slightly smirking as she was facing your parents while they were talking about business.
“So, how was your date?” Your mom suddenly asked and you choke on your wine which made you have a slight coughing fit and you felt Natasha tense up, jealousy was also present.
It was definitely a very bad idea to talk about your date in front of Natasha. For one, you lied, well partially, you did just say that you have a family dinner but did not say that you have a date. Two, you know how jealous and possessive she can get, which means you’re probably dead later. 
But you can’t blame your parents for bringing it up, your parents have no idea that you work for her and what happens between the two of you behind closed doors.  
"Mom, we have a guest!" you countered trying to avoid the topic as you slightly looked at Natasha.
"No it's alright, I'd also like to know what happened to your date." Natasha said with slight venom in her voice while looking at you.
"See? Even Natasha likes to know about your date." Your mom said teasingly.
You groaned softly, "Fine, It went pretty well, she's actually really nice-"
"She?" Natasha suddenly asked probably to act all surprised that you liked girls, "Yeah, I'm actually a lesbian," you replied to her and Natasha hummed in response then drank her wine.
"Is she pretty?" Your dad asked.
You went silent for a few seconds knowing that your answer would set off the woman sitting beside you even more, "Y-yeah," you hesitantly said but it was true, Wanda is a pretty woman but no one could ever match the beauty of your boss or supposedly, your lover. You felt Natasha's nails dig into your thigh making you wince and curse under your breath.
You drank your wine once again but you felt Natasha's hand that was on your thigh move closer and closer to your core and she started rubbing your clothed sex slowly it made you whimper at the contact which your parents heard.
"You alright dear?" your mom asked seeing that your cheeks turned into a light shade of red.
"Y-yeah just fine, I-I have to go to the bathroom." you said as you then you got up from your seat and rushed to the bathroom.
You opened the faucet and then washed your face, you stared at your reflection afterwards and saw that you looked sort of flushed because of Natasha's antics earlier, "Fuck me." you muttered as you lowered your head, "I'd love to, malyshka." you suddenly heard someone say behind you which made you look at the mirror again and you saw Natasha already looking at your reflection with a smirk on her face.
You turned around to face her fully and saw that Natasha has her arms crossed then she spoke, "So, you went on a date?" she began, "You just told me that you have some family dinner but it turns out you went on a fucking date with a pretty girl." the venom in her voice was now stronger it made you nervous but excited even.
"I had to lie, okay? I know we said that we aren't allowed to see someone else but this date was arranged by my parents, so I can't say no to that." you replied slightly stuttering at your words.
Natasha grabbed your arm and dragged the both of you into a bathroom stall, she locked the door and grabbed a hold of both of your wrists with her one hand placing them above your head, her other hand undoing your button up shirt.
She then started to rub your core through your pants which made you whimper once again, "P-please."
"You think I'm going to let you get off that easily after the lie that you just said?" Natasha said then she started sucking on your exposed chest making her mark on you, "You're mine and mine only. Say it."
"I'm yours, only yours, Nat... please." you begged her, you just wanted her fingers deep inside you now.
"Please what baby? What do you want me to do printsessa?" Natasha teased as she looked into your eyes with her lust-filled dark emerald ones.
"Fuck me please." you begged again.
"Good girl." she then proceeded to undo you pants and started to rub your clit roughly making you moan loudly, her hand that was on your wrists went to your mouth shushing you, "You better keep quiet detka, we wouldn't want anyone to hear us now would we?" she said and you nodded in response.
Once her fingers went inside you, your eyes rolled back at the pleasure, Natasha then claimed your lips onto hers to help seal your moans, her tongue immediately seek entrance into your mouth and you let her.
She was pumping her fingers faster and rougher it was making you get closer to the edge and Natasha felt it as you started to clench around her fingers, "Cum for me detka, let go, I got you." you then came on her fingers and you swear you started to see stars as your eyes started to roll back once again.
"Such a good girl for me." Natasha cooed as she claimed your lips once more, "Lie to me again and you'll get rougher consequences." she warned then she left the stall leaving you to fix yourself, you hear her heels click on the tiled floor meaning she was walking out of the bathroom.
A few moments after collecting yourself, you left the stall and went to the mirror and saw that you were a mess, a hot mess in fact, your hair was out of place you had lipstick marks all over neck but as you were wiping the lipstick marks, you saw a bruise on your neck, which was visible even when you wore your button up shirt, "Damn it Natasha." you cursed at her, you just hope your parents don't notice it.
"There you are, I thought something bad happened to you." Your mom said as approached your table.
"Sorry I took a while, I suddenly had a call." you lied to them.
"It's alright, also, what's that on your neck?" Your dad asked which made you panic internally, "I-I slipped and hit my neck on the counter." you replied.
"She was laying on the floor when I saw her in the bathroom, she was sobbing in pain too." Natasha teased.
"I was not!" you exclaimed as you rubbed the hickey on your neck.
"Aw, did my poor baby hurt herself?" Your mom cooed.
"I'm fine mom, I'll just put an ice pack on it when I get home." you replied knowing full well that the woman beside you wouldn't let you do that since it is her act of claim on you.
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spiderfunkz · 5 months
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✧.* FLOUR N COOKIES.
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— summary : when baking cookies with natasha turns into a flour fight.
— word count : 0,6k
— warnings : fluff, fem!reader, established relationship, nat & reader live together, flour fights, pet names, nat being a tease.
a/n : it's october so the autumn-y fics r here !! also i am a firm believer that nat struggles to do basic cooking.
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baking was something you've always loved to do, since ever. you loved the process of buying the ingredients, picking the flavours, toppings, decorations, everything.
you especially loved baking for other people. it's your way of showing that you love and care for them, a love language sort of.
and it's always been a tradition for you to bake fall cookies for your friends. today, you were baking them for clint.
it was the perfect time to bake. the weather was perfect, it was foggy but not too foggy since you could still see the reflection of sunlight. the music was playing in the background, and nothing could possibly ruin this you thought.
tying your apron, natasha walks in to help.
"you look good in that apron." she smirks.
you ignore the comment as you grab the eggs from the fridge. "stay focused, we need to finish these cookies."
"well, i'm more or so thinking that you should wear that apron more often." she teases. "these cookies are for clint. realistically, you should be taking the lead." you reply.
"i've never baked before."
"ever? in your entire life? not even once?"
"i'm pretty sure that's what the word never means." — "do you at least know how to crack open an egg?"
you were met with silence. is she serious?
"just crack these eggs to that bowl, please." you point. "like this?" she asks.
you stare at her in disbelief. she seems confused, possibly wondering what she did wrong.
"you know, maybe, without, the eggshells."
she looks down at the bowl, "i think we should leave it. crunchy cookies, you know? it adds more protein, so it's healthy." she awkwardly smiles.
"whatever, i'll just pick the eggshells out." you carefully grab the slippery shells.
"soooo.. what's next?" she wipes the egg residue on her pants. "i'll whisk the wet ingredients, you can help me by grabbing the flour and baking soda."
natasha nods, as she grabs the ingredients you asked for from the cabinets above. "you know i've always wanted to do this with someone." she says, toying with the bag of flour.
"yeah well, this feels more like a me effort instead of a team effort." you state. "there's no me in team." natasha replies.
"yes there is. there's an 'e' and an 'm'." you stated.
"you're so smart, detka. keep blabbering. see what happens."
was that a threat? you look up from the bowl to see her grab a handful of flour. "put that down. don't get closer." you commanded.
"or what?" — "or the cookies won't get done, and clint will have over-floured cookies."
natasha shuffles forward.
"nat. i swear. i just cleaned the floor this morning."
"i'm not even moving."
"i can see you shuffling towards me."
"i'm standing very still. actually, here, catch!" she throws the flour to you. your clean apron was now covered in flour.
"oh you are so gonna regret that, natasha."
you swiftly grab a handful of flour from the bag, throwing it right on her black top.
natasha gasps, before throwing another handful to your direction.
this went on for a good minute before natasha finally stopped it by grabbing the bag from you.
"okay, okay! time out. i've got to take a picture of you, you look like a ghost!"
"really? because you should really look in the mirror, natasha. i can barely make out the red in your hair right now."
she glances at the reflection of the fridge. "that's. rude."
"who looks like a ghost now?"
"you still do. if i poured the mixture on you with chocolate chips and put you in the oven, would you become a cookie?" she jokes.
"don't you dare mess with the mixture."
"don't worry, love. i'd still love you if you were a cookie." natasha smiles.
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dawnoftime22 · 2 months
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i don't know.
| N.R
Warnings: long windup to a mental breakdown, loss of breathing, numbing day, vent fic, maybe some bad writing here and there? r loves waffles
Summary: When everything, such as emotions, ends up building away a little too much, the days start to blur together until you soon break. But Nat was there every part of the way.
Word Count: 3k
Category: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort(?)
A/N: hi my darlings :] its a new year and I just wanted to say I love you all and I am so so proud of you for just being here. you are not alone in whatever you're facing. things are hard sometimes and this was hard to write but you make me smile when I see you in my notifs <3 hugs to all of you, you're doing amazing
I hope this fic brings you comfort as it did for me
| Started on 12/11/2023, 7:29 AM |
| Finished on 08/01/2024, 2:05 PM |
Masterlist | N.R Masterlist
"my love. listen to me. breathe, let go, and focus on you and your surroundings. you're safe."
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|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|
It was yet another day. Another tiring day. You haven't gone through it yet, but you sure didn't get much rest even though you've slept.
You sigh, and turn your back on the bed. Nat was sleeping beside you, but you were too caught up in zoning out to move closer to her. And you didn't want to wake her yet.
Nothing has even happened today and still, you can't bare to think about anything. Perhaps all your emotions are catching up, and at that thought, you turn your face into the pillow.
Another few minutes pass by with you staring at the ceiling, turning until your leg and arm was dangling off the side of the bed, or face down on your pillow. It didn't take long for your temptation to shuffle closer to Nat to take over though.
You slowly put your arms around her and snuggle closer to her, taking comfort in the warmth of her body. With her being a light sleeper though, she starts to stir awake. Her eyes open and her arms move to hold yours.
"Morning, любовь (love)." She whispered, her voice raspy, but her words filling the room and your heart with warmth with even the smallest way. Maybe this day won't be so bad...Maybe this day won't be so bad.
She turns in your embrace and looks at you with gentle half-lidded eyes, her nose brushing against yours ever so slightly with the fact that you were face-to-face. She could see it in your eyes already, something was off. She moves herself up to leave the softest kiss on your forehead. You could've broken there already, but you didn't. You didn't.
You rest your head against her chest, a small pout making its way to your face. She runs her hand through your hair and holds you for a few more minutes, the both of your breathing being able to be heard as if on whispering volume, but it was there, and gentle.
Soon she pulls away, dragging herself up to a more sitting position, leaving you beside her stomach level. You assume she was about to get up to do her morning routine, and you were about to prepare to pull her back to bed.
"What do you want for breakfast?" She asks, and the question almost made you confused, because you were expecting she would go for her morning run, but it seems, she wants to do something else.
With the simple question, you manage to make up an answer. Although it did take you a few minutes, with your jumbled up mind.
"Waffles." She smiles, having heard that answer several times. Nat gently nudges you to move you to the pillow instead, and goes to get up from the bed.
"Wait," you say suddenly, capturing her arm before it could be out of your reach. She turns back to you, a gentle and curious look upon her face.
"Are you staying?" You ask, your voice being nothing more than a whisper. But the little shakiness it holds doesn't pass by her ears.
"Of course I am." It was a rather simple answer. But the touch of her hand against yours and her eyes meeting yours was more than enough of a promise.
She gives you a small smile before going into the bathroom with her towel, the shower soon being an occuring noise coming from the bathroom.
Your eyes glide over to the window, the view being buildings and the sky filled with fluffy clouds. Your mind strayed. The running water was the only other thing you could focus on.
When Nat came out, she was wrapped into a towel. You pull the covers closer to yourself and curl up under them, feeling colder from just the gusts of wind the ceiling fan is making. Were you only sick and gathering a fever? No. No, that wasn't it.
You turn to look back at Nat, and she was fully clothed already. You watch her walk towards the bed, reaching out her arm to put the back of her hand against your forehead. It wasn't warm. She must know something is up already.
"Shower, okay? Or, you won't get any waffles." She says, her fingers moving a stray hair out of your face, but looking at you with raised eyebrows.
"Is that a threat?" You finally give her the smallest raise on the corners of your lips, and it took everything in her not to cheer.
"Yes, it is!" She said jokingly, her voice further away now that she went out the door, but the volume made it so that the words reached your ears. You shake your head, the sound of her voice being the most adorable thing to you.
You lay your back against the bed once more, staring up at the moving ceiling fan. Today is going to be a long day.
Some movement could be seen in the corner of your eye, and you almost thought Nat was back already, but then when you look, you only see a black furry animal coming to visit you.
Liho jumps up on the bed, and stares at you with her yellow eyes. The cat walks closer, and you go to pet it, the soft fur precious against your gentle hands.
It's cold nose touches you, and at it, you smile. You had forgotten cats had cold noses. Liho steps back a bit, and you tilt your head, wondering about her next move.
She leaped to the other side of the bed, going above your legs to reach to where Nat usually lays, and meows at you.
With your head and eyes following her movement, it soon went up to where the bathroom is. You blink at it for a second or two, making up decisions in your head.
Soon enough, you willed yourself out of bed by slowly going to a sitting position, to letting your legs dangle at the side of the bed, and finally, with hesitancy, getting up.
You were about to go search the closet for an outfit to wear, but then you see at the edge of the bed, a folded hoodie and your favorite sweatpants prepared already, by perhaps, Nat.
Your heart warmed at the caring gesture she did. With the more courage, you make your way to the bathroom to take a warm shower, hoping that the day will only get better.
When you got back out, the fluffy towel kept you feeling cozy, and you got your clothes on. By the time you look to the door and walk to the kitchen, Nat was sitting at the kitchen island, ready with two plates of waffles.
She glances up and sees you, a soft smile present on her face. What got you so lucky to have someone like her? You sit down in front of her, and enjoy the waffles she prepared, the soft texture of your hoodie giving as much comfort as the warmth of the waffle soon going in your mouth.
The rest of the day then consisted of you being unable to focus on anything. You couldn't read, and you couldn't do your hobbies without straying off to doing something else such as staring off into space or just laying on the couch or bed doing nothing.
You yawn, for the tenth time the past hour. But you weren't sleepy. Gosh, you were tired though. Nat was beside you on the couch, working on something on her laptop while you scrolled endlessly on your phone.
Her eyes go over to you, before flickering back to her laptop, her hands then moving to turn it off and close it. She turns her head to you, and the attention you feel from the side has you looking away from your phone and instead, at her.
"Do you wanna sit down outside? The sun's going down." She tilts her head towards the door, then goes to glance at the window in the living room, it having a view of the sky slowly changing color.
Your eyes had a certain shine on them when they laid upon the window, the colors and the way the sunlight does a shape of the window somewhere on the floor finally captured an attention of your auto-pilot mind. You nod at Nat's question, a quiet "Yeah," making out of you.
"Look," you say, just as Nat was about to get up from the couch. She looks down and was just as entranced as you were at the scenery in front of her.
"You should take a photo." She encourages you with a small smile and stands up. You take out your phone and find a perfect angle to grab a picture. Also making sure the exposure is on the perfect level.
"I'll make us hot chocolate, yeah? You can go out first so you don't miss the first few minutes." Nat says, going to the kitchen. Liho enters the scene, and lays down on the carpet just next to where it seeped in the sun, and you just had to take another picture.
After you were satisfied, you push yourself up with your hands and make your way to the door, slowly opening it and going out, leaving it open just a crack so Nat could come outside easier.
A golden sunset spreads throughout the place. The sun paints the sky a lovely shade of orange mixed with light blue, and a tinge of pink. You admire how smooth the gradient is.
The wooden texture of the floor makes itself known on your hands as you shuffled to rest your back against the wall of the house, but you slide your hands into your pockets comfortably.
The door opens, and Nat comes outside with two fresh mugs of hot chocolate. One being coffee though, for herself. She was quick. In your peripheral vision, you could see her sitting next to you on the porch, and hand you one mug.
You turn your head to look at her, and you reach up with one of your hands that held you up to grab the hot chocolate. The warmth made itself comfortable in your hands as you clasped it lightly to not burn yourself, but making sure your grip wasn't too loose.
You take a deep breath in, and let it out as a long sigh, not meaning to do it so audibly. Natasha takes notice of this, and her eyes drift from the view of the sunset, over to you, seeing just how lost in your head you were.
"Are you okay детка (baby)?" She starts gently with a simple question. She knows today was one of those days.
"I don't know," you say. It was honest. You don't know what you've felt for a while, but it was certainly gnawing at you for something. Some kind of release. You just didn't have time or energy to in the past few days.
"You've been off the entire day." She adds, her voice laced with concern, but no judgement. She put her mug to the side after another sip, her focus all on you while you tried to keep yours on the sunset.
"I just wanna stay home right now," you whisper. It's not that she was about to ask you if you wanted to go out, but rather, just the fact that you felt comfortable and safe at the moment. This is home. She's your home.
Nat's eyes roam your face, searching for all the thoughts you're thinking. But she couldn't really read your face. Perhaps because, you didn't know what you were feeling either. Sad? Mad? Stressed? Anxious? So many feelings available to name, but all you felt was a sense of heaviness.
"...I feel like falling apart anytime." that was the only other thing you could say. Your voice quiet, so quiet she could only hear it because she was right beside you.
It clicks in for Nat, and she understands fully. She's done it herself, countless times. And you were there nearly every single time. Feelings being kept and slowly overflowing, until everything in the past few months catch up.
You tried everything within you not to. You tried. But it's not possible with how much you've already tried avoiding your emotions. The birds chirped and flew off home while the sun sank down.
Nat hears a small sniffle and a quiet but sharp intake of a breath coming from you, until another slightly louder sniffle comes out, and you turn your head to face her. She sees your eyes glistening with tears, and she takes in her own breath to not cry herself. To see you in such a state left a crack in her heart.
Her arms instinctively goes to pull you closer and hold you, and that was when you broke. You hid in her neck and sobbed in her embrace, your tears staining her shirt.
It was unusual, but not the first time you've broken down like this. Nat was still getting used to saying assuring words, but she thinks about all the things you've said to her before, and tries her best to use it in her own ways.
She gently runs her fingers through your hair, holding you safely. She could feel your body shaking, and your chest going up in hiccups from your breathing between your sobs.
"Oh, солнышко (sunshine)." She whispers softly, so softly. The sounds of your cries made her frown. She knows you can hold too many things in sometimes, but this was...heartbreaking.
Your fingers were gripping her shirt, afraid that perhaps, she'd disappear. But you can hear her heart beating, being so near to her chest while you were at her neck.
When she hears you taking too many, far too many breaths, she knows she has to step in. She leans back a little to see you, and you look up at her with your tear filled eyes.
"Look at me...follow my breathing, alright? I don't want you to lose it." She says, her head moving with her movement, but her voice was gentle, yet firm enough for you to keep a focus on her.
She takes a deep breath in from her nose and lets it out from her mouth, encouraging you follow. You eventually manage to do it, after a bunch of hiccups, and slowly regain your normal breathing. Nat nods slightly, her hands moving up to move your hair back, showing more of your face and hoping it makes breathing easier for you, giving you space.
"Take your time, дорогой (darling)." Her eyes move back to yours, the green in her pupils holding the look of a forest. A peaceful one.
"There you go." She quietly said, leaning in to rest her forehead against yours, the touch comforting you. She gives you a small reassuring smile before going up and laying a kiss on your forehead.
"You'll be okay." Your teeth catches your lip as you look at her, and she can tell there were thoughts racing in your head. She runs her thumb lightly on your lips, making you let go of it.
Once again, a black furry cat enters your vision, and it goes in between you and Nat, making the both of you look down for a moment.
You, with your cheeks stained with your tears, Liho walks up to you and rubs her head and body against yours, the gesture making your heart melt.
A teary laugh comes from you, and you reach out to touch it, the soft fur going against your hand. Liho, too, was concerned it seems, from how long you've been sitting outside, but also moves to go to Nat, checking on her too.
The redhead picks the cat up, petting it for a few seconds before setting it aside. Liho sits down, watching the two of you before her attention went to the streetlights turning on. You two stare at her for a bit until your eyes meet each other once more.
She shuffles closer to you once again and you rest your head against her shoulder, the heaviness in your own shoulders and heart having faded away in the mental breakdown. You felt steadier again, just a little more.
"I love you, okay?" She whispered, her eyes on the wooden floor the porch held, but her focus being all on you.
"I love you, too. So much." You couldn't be more grateful for her. She would always be there for you, whether it be through the hard times or the light and happier times.
Liho turns back to you two and goes to lay down between your bodies. The cat always managed to find a way to come in the right times, too.
With every small step you've taken before, you knew you've come this far not to just stop. Even when it's hard. But even so, you shouldn't always hold yourself too strong. Emotions are complicated. That's just how it is, but letting go could always be a relief.
Here you were in the moment, breathing and living with your heart beating lively in your chest. The gentle touch of Nat's fingers brings you back to reality.
Everything was going to be okay.
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imaginedanvrs · 1 month
Text
where did you go?
part 1 l part 2 l masterlist
natasha x reader.
word count: 5.5k
warnings: alcoholism, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of torture, break up. ik you asked for a happy ending...
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Your throat burned unbearably as you expelled the last few hours of poison you had consumed. The moment Natasha had left you had stumbled towards the bathroom unceremoniously and acquired several future bruises on the way. You were thankful that the redhead had cleaned the bathroom the day before as you clung to the toilet like a lifeline and threw up until your stomach ached. You barely jumped away when you felt a soft hand on your back, too drained to even consider fighting off any intruder. Fortunately, it was Wanda. 
  “Hey, sweetie,” she called softly as she crouched down next to you and rubbed your back soothingly. You whimpered in response and she tied back your hair gently. “You’ve gotten yourself into a bit of a state, huh?” She enquired as she continued to rub small circles below your shoulder blades. 
  “Yeah,” you hiccuped. “I’m sorry.”
 “It’s okay,” she assured you with a compassion you were sure you didn't deserve. 
 “Why are you here?” You asked as she passed you a glass of water. 
  “Nat called,” Wanda said honestly. She didn’t need to say any more. Even through your disorientation you could piece together what that meant. Natasha must have called the brunette after she left, knowing that it was dangerous for you to be left alone as you were.
  “I fucked up, Wanda,” you told her. You hadn’t exactly lied when you finally expressed your fears to the redhead. They were all possibilities that you found yourself wondering every time you had a drink, but you had never meant to put them on Natasha in the way you had. You didn’t really blame her for any of it, you had just gotten so intently caught up in your anxieties that your developing habit of pushing her away had peaked in the worst way, adamant on keeping her away. Natasha was the best thing in your life, but you were certain that she didn’t deserve to be with someone who was afraid of her. It really was no fault of her own. 
  “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Wanda replied instead, not wanting to promise a reassurance that might not be kept. She didn’t know what had transpired between you and the other Avenger, but given that it had forced Natasha out of the apartment for Wanda to be by your side instead, she gathered it wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight. 
  With the aid of her magic, Wanda lifted you to your feet and supported you through the small apartment and into your bed where you collapsed in a heap and immediately passed out. The Sokovian methodically worked to adjust your body properly into the bed so you wouldn’t wake up aching more than you already would, then placed a sick bowl, painkillers and a fresh glass of water by your bedside. She couldn’t leave you as you were so she grabbed some blankets from your closet and made a bed up on the sofa with the door between you wide open. 
~
Natasha typed away furiously on her laptop as she set her focus on the task at hand and would not allow it to waver. It had been some time since she had stayed in her old room at the tower. Even in the previous weeks where you and the redhead had been on unstable grounds, she had never desired to spend the night away from you, perhaps hoping it could possibly make up for the seven that she had. She had gotten some questioning looks from Tony and enquiries from F.R.I.D.A.Y when she had returned and ignored both as she made a b-line for her room with her laptop in hand. The billionaire had surely seen how Natasha’s face was flushed from previous tears, but he knew better than to approach with the present look on the spy’s face. She had cried enough on the drive there and refused to feel sorry for herself any longer. She had amends to make. 
  Natasha had no intention of asking for help regarding tracking down your kidnappers anymore. Instead, she was set on doing it herself and putting all of her time and energy into the task until she yielded the results she needed. Once she found the people she was looking for, she would kill every last one of them, protocol be damned, in an effort to give you one less thing to worry about. Though she hoped that if you knew that threat was gone, you would be more open to letting Natasha back into your life, the redhead was prepared for the act to be one purely out of revenge if not for reconciliation. One way or another, Natasha was going to add a few more drops of red to her ledger. 
~
The headache that greeted you when you awoke was splitting. You winced and grabbed the back of your skull that felt as though it had been cracked wide open as you slept. You took the glass of water from your side and chugged half of the glass before you spotted the painkillers you didn’t recall placing there. You took them anyway and finished the glass before laying your heavy head back down with a quiet groan. Hangovers were not getting any easier. 
  Gradually, you started to recollect the night before until you could unmercifully remember every harsh word of your argument with your…with Natasha. Fuck, you cursed internally as you struggled to put aside the wholly heartbroken look in her eye at the unfair atrocities you had accused her of. Oh god, what had you done?
  “Are you gonna puke again before I make you breakfast or are you saving it for after?” Wanda asked from the doorway, faltering when she saw your crestfallen expression. She walked over to your bed silently and sat by your side as you exhaled shakily. 
  “I can’t believe I did that,” you muttered. “Did…what did she say to you?” You asked when you noticed Wanda’s hesitation to respond. 
  “Nothing much, she just asked me to check in on you,” Wanda answered honestly. 
  “Oh,” you mumbled, unsure if you wanted to admit to the things you said to Natasha. “How did she seem?” You asked instead. 
  “It was only a text and she hasn’t answered me since,” Wanda told you, her features etched with her own concern. 
  “I said some shitty things,” you admitted shamefully. 
  “You were drunk,” Wanda stated though not as an excuse. “Why?” You weren’t sure you knew how to answer that. 
  “Did you say something about breakfast?” You asked instead, avoiding Wanda’s gaze. She shifted and stood up.
  “Yeah, I’ll make something up,” she said, though you could hear in her voice that she wasn’t willing to let the subject go yet. That was understandable, you just needed some time to sort through your thoughts of the night before first so you got out of the bed and headed for the shower. 
  When you stepped out of the bathroom you were greeted by the hearty and generous smells of Wanda’s cooking that never lingered long enough for you to completely enjoy. You had been in the shower for a while, but you were surprised to see Wanda pull out a tray of breakfast muffins just as you strolled into the kitchen. You didn’t even think you had all the ingredients for it, but didn’t put it past the Sokovian to find a way around that and still have the muffins taste incredible. They also just so happened to be your friends go-to bargaining chip to get you to talk to her. 
  “I hope you won't offend me by not asking for seconds this time,” she teased as she placed the perfect hangover meal together on a plate for you before doing her own. You smiled sheepishly, knowing that your appetite hadn’t really grown since the last meal she had generously made for you. “So what’s going on with you?” She asked once you were both sat down. 
  “You don’t want to hear what I said to Nat first?” You countered but Wanda wasn’t phased. 
  “No, I want to know why I found my best friend almost passed out in her own puke,” she told you whilst refraining from giving you the look she wanted to. There was no point kicking you while you were down, but it was clear that Wanda wasn’t pleased at what she had seen. “How often does that happen?”
  “That was the first time it was that bad,” you said honestly. “I just…” you sighed. “I needed something to tune out the memories.” Wanda considered that as she looked at you, knowing that there was a hefty weight to your thoughts because she could feel how they were dragging you down. Except that the night before, Wanda could feel them crushing you, whether you felt it or not. “And I know it’s a habit I can’t have but it’s the only thing that helps me cope,” you told her.
  “But you’re not coping, y/n,” Wanda said. “And I think you know that.” You did, it was just hard to accept. 
  “That doesn’t make how I treated Nat okay,” you muttered. Wanda wasn’t quite ready to move on from what she saw as the more important topic, but she let it slide for the time being for you to say what you needed to. “I blamed her for what happened.”
  “Is that how you really feel?” 
  “No…” you paused. “I was just pissed off and scared,” you admitted upon reflection.
  “Scared of what?” You bit your cheek, not wanting to admit it sober. 
  “Everyting,” you muttered instead. Wanda nodded though she saw that there was something more specific you were holding back. 
  “I think you should come stay with me for a bit,” she said, something you weren’t expecting. 
  “I can’t burden you with that-” you started.
  “You’re not and I don’t want you to be on your own,” she insisted with an adamance you recognised you couldn’t dissuade her of. She didn’t want to outright say it, but she was also determined to stop you drinking. “Besides, how much longer does your sick pay last?” Your stomach dropped as you thought of all the emails and texts you had been ignoring from your workplace that only knew vaguely of what had happened. Your reaction was enough for the brunette. 
  “Thank you.”
~
Despite her body’s natural response, Natasha forced her breathing to deepen and steady as she examined the five men ahead of her. Usually, she didn’t have to think twice about steadying her breathing when she was faced with opponents on missions. After all of the tedious training from the red room, the spy’s body had become somewhat conditioned to calm itself at any sign of danger or potential threats, and yet when faced with the unremarkables ahead of her, Natasha struggled to subside her emotions. She wanted to kill them all. She would, but not if she rushed ahead and disposed of the first five too hastily. 
  Eventually, the three more men that Natasha had been waiting for emerged to join the five. She could name all eight of them, but she didn’t care to. The extensive research she had done when she finally discovered the identities of those that took you had only been for the purpose of Natasha discovering their weaknesses. She had no interest in talking to them and making them see their wrongdoing. She wasn’t going to capture them and hand them over to S.H.I.E.L.D and let the government hand them their punishment. She wasn’t going to tell them how exactly they had fucked up badly enough to sign their death warrants. She was going to make them suffer. 
  Just as one of the men lit up his lighter and held it up to the cigarette between his lips, Natasha threw the sleek gas cylinder out from around the corner and pressed her back to the wall despite wanting to watch. The cylinder only made a noise when it hit the ground at the group’s feet, by which point it was too late for them to avoid because the gas expelled from the small device and immediately reacted to the small flame. The explosion was grand, but it wasn’t enough to kill all eight of the men. That worked just fine.
  Natasha emerged as the remaining targets struggled to get their bearings and understand what had just hit them. Some of them would never know because two Natasha shot dead the moment she approached. Another received a knife to the neck that the redhead kept lodged in a second longer than necessary. For the rest, Natasha brought out her batons. She struck the remaining three over and over, caught in a blaze of anger that she couldn't get a handle on. She was striking them down on autopilot, barely able to see through the screen of red that told her to keep hitting. Hundreds of bolts shot through their bodies at any one time but it wasn’t enough. Nothing would be for what they had done. They had destroyed the woman she loved and no amount of pain Natasha could inflict would rival what either of you felt. She could still try. 
  Natasha’s hands were still stained red when she returned to the tower. She cursed when she noticed, only then coming down from her adrenaline and rage enough to be able to see clearly. The spy grabbed her wipes that she kept in her glove compartment and methodically started to swipe at each of her digits, concealing what she had done as best she could because nothing about it had been allowed. Natasha had used her own weapons that she kept secret from all of her coworkers and friends, she had driven in the dead of night, no one knew she had found your captors. She had done everything she could to cover her tracks, but her head remained foggy and it put her at risk of slipping up. Even though she wouldn’t have been arrested for killing your captors, she would be in deep shit with Fury. She wasn’t even entirely sure if she should tell you. 
  “Couldn’t sleep?” A voice asked as Natasha stepped out of her car. She recognised the voice immediately and turned around at a casual pace to see Maria sauntering towards her with her own keys in hand. Though she didn’t live there, it wasn’t unusual for the agent to spend the occasional night at the compound if it wasn’t deemed safe for her to return to her own home after a mission.
  “No,” Natasha said simply. 
  “Me neither,” Maria told the redhead, apparently oblivious to the real reason Natasha was in the tower’s garage. “Want some company?” She asked as she leant against the hood of Natasha’s car with a glint in her eye that the Russian recognised from before she had started dating you. 
  “I was just about to go up,” Natasha dismissed, not clearly enough. 
  “So was I,” she continued with an easy grin Natasha couldn’t reciprocate. She had no interest in hooking up with Maria, even if she wasn’t in a relationship at that moment. It would still feel like a betrayal towards you and the love she couldn’t seem to let go. 
  “Maria,” Natasha said slowly, feeling herself grow tired from her excursion. The agent nodded after a moment, knowing that she wasn’t going to get anywhere with the redhead. 
  “Okay,” she sighed. “I’ll see you around, Romanoff,” she said as she ventured back to her car while Natasha continued on, not sparing a glance back so that she could instead pull out her phone. She looked briefly at her unanswered texts to you, unsurprised to find them still ignored, then went to Wanda’s contact. She knew that there was little chance she would get a response from the Sokovian at two am, but she tried her luck anyway. 
  Nat: does y/n need anything bringing over? I thought I’d come and see her tmrw, she typed and stared at the screen for a few moments before turning it off. 
  Wanda chewed her lip as she read the message, trying to put together something in her sleep hazy mind that wouldn’t hurt the redhead. Wanda: no need : ) let’s raincheck that for now, she sent off. 
  Nat: she doesn’t want to see me? Natasha replied instantly.
  Wanda: it’s only been a couple weeks
  Nat: how is she?
  Wanda: better, Wanda typed honestly. 
  Nat: keep me updated, she replied, knowing that was all she could do. 
  Wanda: get some rest : ) Natasha didn’t respond as she smiled weakly at her phone before laying down on her unhomely bed. She missed sleeping next to you. She doubted that you missed it though. 
~
You really had improved since you started staying with Wanda, even if it didn’t feel like it to you. You had stopped drinking, but the nightmares were back. You didn’t like being on your own, but you also struggled to stay in anyone’s company for too long, Wanda included. You had been out a handful of times with the Sokovian to the grocery store around the corner, keeping close to her side the entire time and needed some days to recover before trying again. You were beyond frustrated with the mental barriers that dented your progress and Wanda’s reassurance didn’t help when your self loathing was as high as it was. You just wanted life to go back to the way it was, that included Natasha’s part in it. 
  That was the cause of most of your distress: wanting to be back in the Russian’s arms and yet unable to imagine what would transpire once you were. You knew that she would never hurt you, but you couldn’t unsee what your mind had conjured up when you had been taken. You couldn’t have mistaken how her usual comforting smile had been twisted in something sinister as she rained down her torments on your helpless body. You couldn’t forget. 
  Wanda had encouraged you numerous times to open up about that week to her. She wanted to offer you some understanding and empathy about the moments you were plagued by so relentlessly in hopes of driving them away, but you could never face recalling them to your friend. You were aware that it could help, you just weren’t sure if it was worth it. 
  The weeks you had spent with Wanda had also come with some expected lows where your progress had wavered. You had stopped drinking but there had been numerous occasions where you had come close to breaking your promise to the brunette only for her to stop you at the last moment. You never lashed out at her for it, only feeling terribly ashamed to be caught and yet it still wasn’t enough to rid you of those cravings entirely. Although Wanda couldn’t be around all the time to watch you, you were fortunate enough that she was there when they hit you at your worst. That usually came when the nightmares did. 
  You grasped at your throat as you woke with a start, immediately kicking away from the body that loomed next to you. Your mind was racing too rapidly to process the gentle reassurance coming from the figure, nor did you stare too long to make out Wanda’s face in the dark until you were on the other side of the bed. You held a hand out to create some kind of barrier between you and the intruder until the comforting red expelled from her fingertips to illuminate her concerned features. Your breathing steadied marginally but your heart continued to pound. Your dreams had seeped through and it still felt like there was a constriction around your neck. You scratched at it as if to break free from the invisible force only for Wanda to settle on the bed and carefully remove your hands. 
  “None of that,” she instructed with hesitance. 
  “But there’s…” you panted, scanning the room.
  “No one’s here,” Wanda reassured. You wanted to believe the logic of what she said, but you had seen the other woman as clearly as the day you broke her heart. 
  “I thought she was,” you whispered, as though the spy was watching from the shadows. 
  “Who?” Wanda frowned.
  “Natasha,” you answered, eyes set on the window across from you. This seemed to make the brunette take you seriously because her eyes flickered over to the window as well. “It was just a dream,” you dismissed after a moment. 
  “What happened?” Wanda enquired as she tore her attention away from the window and onto you. 
  “I was there,” you breathed out. The Sokovian stilled. This was the part where you always shut off. “And so was she,” you added. 
  “Natasha?” Wanda asked with a slight furrow between her brows. You nodded, not looking at your friend. “Do you see her there a lot?” You scoffed but just as quickly a tear sprung to your eyes.
  “She’s always there. She was there,” you muttered as you squeezed your eyes shut. “I know she wasn’t really. She would never…it wasn’t real but she…I saw monsters, Wanda. And Nat was one of them,” you admitted as you finally turned to your noticeably shocked roommate. She wasn’t sure how to respond but fortunately you didn’t seem to know how to stop as you continued to ramble on. 
  “They gave me some kind of gas that must have made me hallucinate because everytime they came all I could see was her. Sometimes there were others with her like those stupid fucking clowns from those horror movies Tony used to get us all to watch.” Wanda could recall those late night horror showings. You were great with them until Tony decided to put the clown ones on, then you hid behind Natasha the entire evening and apparently had a nightmare or two after. Wanda knew it must be easy to dismiss a fear like that until it felt as though you were physically at its mercy. 
  “And I know it wasn’t really her. I know it. But I can’t look at her without remembering what I’ve seen her do to me,” you told the Sokovian as your lower lip trembled and you couldn’t speak any longer. 
  “Oh honey,” was all Wanda could offer you as she pulled you into her chest and tried to piece together what that kind of experience would have done to her. She couldn’t imagine how she would see Pietro if she had thought he had committed such sadistic acts towards her. How would she ever move on from that? As you clung to Wanda’s frame, the young hero finally realised the extent of your pain and how little she could offer you in comfort when the only person you truly wanted it from had their image fractured. It was clear you both still cared for each other, but was that enough? 
  “I still love her,” you muttered. 
  “I know you do,” Wanda responded. 
  “Do you think she still loves me?” You asked. 
  “She does,” the Sokovian said honestly. “She misses you.”
  “I want to see her,” you said with a certain determination to your words. “Tomorrow,” you added, deciding that you couldn’t spend any longer putting it off.
  “Do you want me to come with you?” Wanda inquired. 
  “Maybe just part of the way?” You shrugged, already knowing where you wanted to meet Natasha. 
  “Okay, you better get some rest then,” she encouraged and you nodded. “I’m glad you told me all of that,” she said. 
  “Me too,” you smiled, watching as she left the room for you to take out your hardly used phone to text Natasha. She hadn’t messaged you much since she left, trying to give you the space you requested. It took you several minutes to put together a text to her.
  Me: hey, are you free to meet up tmrw? I was thinking of our coffee shop : ). Natasha replied in less than a minute.
  Nat: Yeah that sounds great, usual time? She asked as if nothing had changed. You appreciated that. 
  Me: yep : )
  Nat: perfect, see you then : )
  Neither of you slept much that night, both in equal shock that you had actually given Natasha an invitation to meet. Natasha was thrilled you wanted to meet and she took the location you chose to be a good sign. It was where you had your first date, an attempt at something any normal civilian couple would do despite you being anything but. You visited it often as the years went by and it comforted the spy to know that you still saw it as something you shared. 
  She told herself that over and over as she sat in your usual spot towards the back of the cafe as she waited for you. It wasn’t that she thought you wouldn’t show up because you had never been one to bail on her, but the redhead couldn’t help but wonder how you would deal with being in the city with her. However, when you stepped through the door, she almost forgot everything she was anxious about. 
  You smiled at Natasha from across the room, feeling everything else around you blur to the background as it always did when she was around. That was helpful then more than ever, knowing that she still provided some consolation to you when the world was too loud. You exhaled shakily and drifted towards her as she stood up. 
  “Hey,” she smiled, refraining from reaching out to hug you and instead pulled your chair out. “I’ll get your drink,” she told you at once. 
  “Thank you,” you said to her as she ventured over to the counter. You glanced out the window to the morning streets that you had successfully navigated with Wanda’s help, relieved that you had been able to make it to the cafe without any issues. It was good. You were doing good. 
  You thanked Natasha again as she placed your usual order down in front of you, not surprised in the slightest that she remembered and paid for it. “How are you?” You asked, beating her to it. 
  “Better, and you?” She said after a beat. 
  “Better,” you smiled as you took Natasha in. She was wearing loose jeans and a hoodie with her hair down as though it really was just another trip to the coffee shop. Even though you could pick up the indicators that she was tired, she still carried herself with that effortless beauty that had you stumbling over your own feet the day you first met.  
  “I’m glad you texted,” Natasha told you as she tried to catch your eye. You met them. 
  “I wanted to see you,” you told her honestly. “I didn’t like how we left things last time even though that was my fault,” you paused to consider how to say what you wanted. 
  “It wasn’t,” she jumped in as she looked down at your hands, refraining from leaning over to hold them. 
  “Nat, I made the decision to drink, that’s on me,” you told her firmly, not wanting her to keep making excuses for the actions that hurt her. She wouldn’t do that for anyone else. “The things I said,” you paused and Natasha shifted, “they weren’t fair.”
  “At least it was honest,” she said.
  “Not entirely. None of what happened was your fault, Tasha.” She brightened at the nickname. “You’ve never done anything except try to look out for me. With your line of work you know that even the gods can’t always save everyone,” you attempted to quip, finding yourself more at ease with the redhead than you had been in a while. 
  “I put you in danger when I asked you out,” she said but you wouldn’t let her fall down that rabbit hole. 
  “I knew the risk. I would take it again,” you replied simply. Natasha looked at you with hesitation. 
  “That’s not how you felt when you were drunk,” the redhead pointed out. She didn’t want you to start saying things for the sole purpose of making her feel better. 
  “It is, I was just trying to push you away,” you admitted shamefully. Natasha’s brows furrowed briefly as she tried to detect any lies from you. 
  “Why?” You sighed, peering down at your empty cup. 
  “Do you want to get some air?” There was a park just short of the coffee shop that would give you the chance to be more open with Natasha without having to worry about anyone overhearing you. What you had to say certainly wasn’t something you wanted anyone listening in on. 
  “Sure,” Natasha agreed, getting up as you did and walking several paces in front to open the door for you. You walked side by side in silence until you reached the park, Natasha in anticipation of what you had to say while you overworked your brain to piece something coherent together while being overly aware of your surroundings. Going out was getting easier, but it still had its moments of stress.
  “You’ve been really good with me these past few months,” you told Natasha once you made it past the gates. “I couldn’t have asked anything else of you.” The redhead didn’t respond nor did she appear convinced. “But it was hard being around you.” It was a painful truth, but one she needed to know. “Because the last time I was, I was in there.” Natasha peered at you as you walked but didn’t dare interrupt. 
  “They kept me in this room that um…” you bit your cheek and dug your nails into your palms in an effort to give yourself something more uncomfortable to deal with to distract you. “There was this gas that came through the vents sometimes, before they came. It did something to my head. It made me see things.” Your heart started to pump faster as the images from your nightmares flashed before you. You had to keep going. 
  “I saw those creepy fucking clowns holding knives to me. I saw thousands of spiders crawl across the walls and over me. I saw each of the six walls contract. I saw diseased feral dogs. I saw you.” Natasha peered at you but you didn’t dare meet her eyes with what you were imagining. 
  “I know it wasn’t real. You weren’t there. You never said or did the things I felt but fuck it was all so vivid and I was scared and you just wouldn’t stop- but I know it wasn’t you but…” when you finally looked at Natasha, your saw tears brewing in her eyes as quickly as they were in yours. “They stole you from me,” you whispered, voice cracking without the realisation that Natasha felt exactly the same way. They had stolen you too. She stopped when she suddenly felt light headed. 
  “They’re gone, y/n. I fixed it.” She didn’t have to clarify, you knew exactly what she meant. You had known the spy long enough to know the difference between prison and grave. “But I think a part of us was buried with them,” she admitted as tears streamed down her pale face. You reached forwards and took ahold of both of her hands. 
  “That’s not fair,” you defied as you felt the small pressure below your eyes that always came before you began to cry. “I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.” A smile cracked through Natasha’s features. 
  “We never were very good at them,” she said, causing a pained laugh to fall between you as you both shared the memory of how you left your first few dates with an awkward wave goodbye as you had both considered kissing the other until the moment had passed. So much hesitancy for something you both wanted at the fear of messing up. You had missed your turn of the roll of the dice then and had been fortunate enough to jump in at your next turn but you weren’t sure you were going to get another go in this game. 
  “Do you want me to call Wanda to come and pick you up?” She asked dutifully. This was so not fucking fair. 
  “No,” you defied again. “They don’t get to win. Not when I still love you,” you objected, unwilling to let go. “Will you…will you give me another chance?” You could see the hesitation in the way Natasha was looking at you and you feared that she had already grieved the part of you she had lost. 
  “Only if you let me help you,” she decided. You knew that agreeing to that was easier said than done and that there was a chance you could screw things up if you failed on your end of the deal. But that wouldn’t be fair and you were done disregarding the best part of your life based on a fear that had just had its foundations destroyed. 
  “Okay,” you whispered, a smile breaking through as you gazed at the redhead. 
  “Can I hug you?” She asked tentatively. You didn’t give her an answer, instead pulling her impossibly close and clinging onto the woman you loved and swore never to push away again. You would start over, make it better, make it right. You would heal, together, and regrow that part of you that had been lost into something far stronger.
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