#nate makes questionable decisions

[sycamorelibrary754]

Happy Easter

Summary: You are three weeks from your due date, but the thought of you and Natasha missing Easter at the Barton’s farmhouse in Iowa was simply inconceivable. What will you do if your little bundle of joy makes an early, unexpected entrance?

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Natasha x reader, Avengers x reader (platonic).

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: None

A/N: Happy belated Easter! I wanted to post this fic on Easter, but there wasn't enough time. This is part 3 of Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas! I recommend reading those stories first, but it can be read as a stand-alone story as well. This was so much fun to write. I hope you enjoy it! 

"Does anyone know where the purple egg dye is?" you inquired, scanning the table as you addressed the Barton kids. "I could have sworn we had two cups of every color." Cooper and Lila were fully engrossed in the Easter egg decorating contest, meticulously crafting their designs, while Nate seemed to relish in using every color available on the table. "Oh, it's on the counter.”

You were just about to rise from the kitchen table, no easy feat at this stage of your pregnancy. It felt like yesterday when you surprised Natasha with your pregnancy at Thanksgiving in front of her family and announced to the team that they would all be aunts and uncles at Tony’s annual Christmas party. Your due date was three weeks away, but missing Easter with Clint’s family in Iowa was out of the question.

“Don’t get up, Y/N. I got it!” Nat said as she jumped up to grab the paper cup of purple egg dye behind you.

"Thanks, sweetheart," you said as Nat placed the cup on the table.

"How are you feeling?" Natasha asked as she gently caressed your cheek. "Maybe you should take a break?”

“Nat, I promise I’m okay. Come sit back down and color some Easter eggs with us,” you replied, trying to put your wife at ease. 

Natasha was looking forward to Easter, too, but she was more focused on you and the final weeks of your pregnancy. Dr. Cho had given you the green light to go, with the condition that you'd have daily check-ins by phone and go on bed rest as soon as you returned home.

"Auntie Nat, look at this!" Nate proudly showed off an egg with Natasha's symbol on it.

"Look, Auntie Nat," you echoed with a smile.

"This is amazing! Maybe I should have you design my next suit instead of Stark," she said.

"Shall we start the judging?" Clint asked as he entered the room with Laura.

"Yep, all set," Cooper confirmed.

"Just a sec," Lila said, focused on decorating her egg. "There, done."

"Where are Yelena and Kate?" Laura asked.

"We're coming!" came a shout from the living room.

"It's not a Fabergé egg, you two, come on!" Nat yelled.

"Tada!" Kate exclaimed, revealing a beautiful purple egg with green and orange stripes.

You whispered to your wife, "So that's where all the purple dye went.”

You placed your egg on the table with all the others. Pink and blue with red polka dots. Symbolic of your current anticipation over the impending arrival of your bundle of joy. You and Nat both agreed you wanted to be surprised.

“Hmmm, this is going to be a tough decision,” Clint said, stroking his chin. “As you all know, you will be judged on creativity, technique, and presentation.”

Walking back and forth in front of the kitchen table, you couldn’t help but giggle at his mock seriousness. 

“Allow me to confer with my fellow judge,” he said. After a few moments of hushed whispers with Laura, Clint returned to the group. “We thank you all for your participation. You all decorated beautiful Easter eggs. The competition was tough this year, but one egg stands head and shoulders above the rest,” pausing for dramatic effect. “The 2024 Barton Easter Egg Decorating Champion is Nathaniel Barton!” 

You shouldn't have spent so much time on the sketches!” Yelena said, slapping Kate on the arm. 

“Yes!!” Nathaniel cheered. 

“You are hereby awarded this Lindt Milk Chocolate Gold Bunny,” his father said, handing him the gold-wrapped chocolate as big as his head.

“That you will share with the rest of the family and not eat in one sitting,” Laura added.

“Aww!” Nathaniel whined. 

*^~^*

You spent the evening on the porch, surrounded by the laughter of the kids playing on the lush green lawn as the sun set over the farm. Laura served her delicious homemade Lemonade as you shared stories and reminisced about old times. The air was filled with nostalgia so vivid that you could almost reach out and touch it. Natasha sat next to you, holding your hand gently, her calloused touch a reminder of the strength and resilience she had acquired through years of training.

You were taken by surprise as you felt the baby begin to kick.

"Wow!" You exclaimed as you gently placed your hand on your belly.

All eyes turned to you. Though unspoken, everyone shared the same nervous anticipation as your wife for the approaching due date.

"Are you alright, malyshka?" Nat asked, her eyes filled with concern as she squeezed your hand.

"I'm okay. The baby is kicking. Here, feel." You said as you took her hand and gently guided it to your stomach, trying to find the right spot. 

“Oh,” Nat squeaked. “I’ll never get used to that feeling.”

“Think how I feel!” you teased.

“Move aside, sestra; I want to feel my little plemyannitsa or plemyannik.” (Niece or nephew).

Yelena playfully bumped her sister out of the way with her hip and eagerly reached to touch your stomach.

"Wow, that's amazing!" she cried out. "Hey there, little one. I'm Aunt Yelena, and I will spoil you rotten!"

"Have you two settled on a name yet?" Kate inquired.

"No," you sighed. "We just can't seem to agree. Since we both want to be surprised, it's been twice as hard to come up with two names."

"Don't worry, you'll know when you see the little bundle of joy," Laura reassured.

"This wouldn't be an issue if either of you were open to any of the names I've suggested," Yelena added with a grin.

“Yelena is not an option,” Natasha frustratedly replied.

“What about—“ 

“Neither is Alaska! That isn’t even a name!” Your wife is exasperated.

“It could be!” Yelena said. “What about—“

“Or Wolfgang!” Nat interrupted.

“You lack all originality, sestra,” Yelena berated.

^*~*^

The soft glow of the table lamp reflected off your glasses as you delved into the pages of your latest beloved read. You placed your bookmark between the pages at the sound of your wife closing the bathroom door and crawling into bed beside you.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Helen today?" Nat asked as she helped me fluff up my pregnancy pillow.

"Yeah, I did. She was glad to hear that the swelling in my ankles went down and suggested taking a warm bath to help with the discomfort," you replied, shifting to get comfortable against the pillow.

"Mmm, a warm bath does sound amazing," Natasha hummed as she settled down on her side, facing me.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you’d be joining me?” You said softly, with a sly grin and a raised eyebrow.

“Of course I would, detka,” leaning over and kissing your baby bump. 

You gently squeezed Nat's hand, feeling a wave of anticipation as your due date drew near. Thoughts of what your baby would look like and who they would become filled your mind. Would they inherit Nat's fiery red hair, or perhaps have your Y/E/C eyes? The anticipation was almost overwhelming, but knowing that Natasha was by your side made it all feel possible.

"Are you looking forward to the Easter egg hunt tomorrow?" You asked, pulling yourself out of your daydream.

Nat giggled, "You make it sound like I'm the one participating."

"Well, you might as well be. I can never tell who's more excited, you or the kids," you replied.

Natasha glanced down at our intertwined hands and then back up at you. Her green eyes sparkled like emeralds.

"I think it's because holidays in my childhood weren’t real. We filled the photo album with fake pictures and empty boxes. But this," looking around at the small details of Clint and Laura’s farmhouse, "Is real, and I’ve always done my best to help ensure that Cooper, Lila, and Nate have everything I didn’t. A carefree childhood filled with love," Natasha explained.

"You’ve done a wonderful job with Clint’s kids, Nat. They love you so much, and I know you’ll be just as amazing with our little one," you said, doing your best to reassure her. “Goodnight, Natasha,” kissing her lips. 

“I hope you're right, detka,” Nat said, kissing your lips in return and laying a hand on your stomach. “Goodnight, malen'kiy (little one).

*^~^*

The following day, you awoke to the sun shining through the window and a soft breeze that caused the curtains to dance gently on the wind. Your back was aching, and you were tired, but you were determined to make it through today. You slipped into the most comfortable maternity outfit you had. Natasha helped you with your shoes, and you both went downstairs to the kitchen. 

“Happy Easter, you two!” Clint said upon seeing you two enter the kitchen. 

You sat down at the kitchen table as Laura placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of you and Nat, along with two glasses of orange juice. The kids were already eating and arguing over who would find the most Easter eggs this afternoon. 

Yelena and Kate walked in a few moments later, clad in bathrobes and their hair disheveled. 

“Against the idea of showering and dressing before breakfast, were you?” Natasha asked.

“Kate Bishop kept me up all night with her snoring, and Lucky and Fanny woke me up by sitting on my face,” Yelena mumbled as she flopped beside you. 

“Hey, that’s how dogs shows affection,” Kate interjected.

“So, I should consider your snoring a Valentine?” Yelena deadpanned. 

After breakfast, the kids ran upstairs to prepare for the Easter egg hunt while Clint got a head start on hiding the eggs. Nathaniel insisted Nat accompany him to help find his Easter basket, but she hesitated to leave you.

“Go ahead, babe. I’m fine.” Motioning for her to follow her namesake. 

“So, how are you really feeling?” Laura asked, now that Nat was no longer in the room. 

You let out a deep sigh, “Tired and sore,” resting your head in your hands. “But this quality time with you all means so much to both of us. I can make it one more day before going on bed rest.”

Laura rubbed her hand softly on your back, “Why don’t you sit in the family room with Kate and Yelena until the fun starts.” 

“Okay, that’s a good idea. Make sure Yelena and Kate haven’t snuck into the Easter candy,” you laughed. 

Laura helped you to your feet and then began to clear the table. As you started to walk, you felt a minor twinging pain in your stomach. You winced but thought nothing of it. With the amount of shifting the baby was doing these days, you had every spasm and cramp in the book. Unfortunately for you, you were in a house full of spies, and Laura picked up your discomfort. She made a mental note to watch you as the day progressed.

*^~^*

"Look, there's one!" Cooper exclaimed, pointing at the leather seat of the tractor in the front yard. He dashed towards it, but Lila beat him by a step. "Ha! Slowpoke," she teased.

From your spot on the porch, you glanced over and saw my wife hoisting Nathaniel onto her shoulders to carefully grab an Easter egg from the crook of an old sycamore tree. 

After about 15 minutes, everyone's baskets were full of eggs. Now came the fun of opening them all. You watched as all three kids dug into their baskets, opening the eggs to find mini Hershey bars, M&M's, jelly beans, or starbursts.

Nathaniel walked over to you and placed an Orange Starburst in your hand. "Here, Aunt Y/N. I know the Orange ones are your favorite."

"Aww, thank you, Nate," you said, kissing his forehead.

As you were about to open the soft toffy candy, a sharp contraction cut through my stomach. “Aaah!” you reached for your stomach as you bent over at the knees. Much stronger than anything you had felt before.

Natasha rushed to your side. “Y/N?! Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Reaching for your hand.

"I don’t know," you grunted.

Natasha's voice quivered with anxiety as she tried to rationalize the situation. "This—this can’t be it. We’re still three weeks out," she said, her mind racing with worry. "Maybe it’s just false labor."

That was the moment when your water broke. "Oh God—" you took a sharp breath as another contraction hit.

"Okay, not false labor," Nat conceded.

"It’s okay, Y/N," Laura reassured you calmly, gently taking your hand. "Most first births are a long labor. But we’re going to get you inside, okay?"

You felt a surge of panic. "What? No, no. I can't have the baby here. I'm not ready. We had a birth plan; I don't have my overnight bag!" you started to ramble, the anxiety rising in your voice.

"You're not boarding a Quinjet now. “I'm going to call Helen,” Clint said as he started to run inside.

"What's wrong with Aunt Y/N?” Nathaniel asked.

"Nothing, sweetheart, but the baby is coming a little bit earlier than we thought," Laura said calmly as she and your wife Nat gently guided you up the steps and into the warm and welcoming embrace of the house.

"Cooper and Lila, please grab a soft, warm blanket and clean towels from the linen closet?" Laura called out to the older children, her voice steady and reassuring.

I'l boil some water and tear up some sheets!" Kate announced frantically.

"This isn't Little House on the Prairie," Yelena quipped. She looked at you and Natasha with a warm yet nervous smile. "I’ll call Mom and Dad.”

"I thought you said this was a long process?" you managed to say between deep breaths, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

"Yes, but there's nothing wrong with being prepared, honey," Laura replied with a comforting smile, her hands steady as she and Nat helped you onto the bed.

Natasha gently grasped your hand and locked eyes with you. "Y/N, look at me," she said reassuringly. “You’re okay, and I'm right here with you. Let's take a deep breath together.”

You took a deep breath, trying to follow Natahsa's lead. The air came out shakily as it moved around the sharp pain of the contraction.

"Do you remember your Lamaze breathing?" Nat asked, her voice calm and reassuring.

"I think so," you replied, trying to focus on the breathing technique you had practiced during the prenatal classes.

*^~^*

Contractions came and went over the next few hours. You were thankful that childbirth was part of the first aid classes all SHIELD recruits were required to take. Otherwise, the prospect of giving birth in a farmhouse in the middle of Iowa would have been more terrifying than it already was. 

You heard the front door open and the screen shut behind it as footsteps hurriedly approached the bedroom. When you saw Dr. Cho, you just about burst into tears. 

Helen! Oh, thank goodness," you exclaimed just as another contraction began, your face twisted in agony.

"Y/N," Helen responded, rushing to your side and gently pushing the sweaty strands of hair away from your eyes. "Clint and Laura briefed me. They said that you're handling this wonderfully. Let me take a moment to set up, and then we'll check your dilation progress.”

Okay," you managed to say, catching your breath. "Where's Bruce?"

He's in Kamar-Taj with Wong. Something about ten rings? I'm not entirely sure, but don't worry, both of you," she reassured, meeting your and Natasha’s fatigued and apprehensive gazes. "I have a backup.”

Thor strode into the room, effortlessly carrying a collection of Helen's equipment that seemed as light as a feather in his hands.

"Thor? What are you doing here?" Natasha asked, clearly puzzled.

Thor glanced at your wife, then at you, then at Laura, and then at Helen.

"Hello, everyone," he said shyly. "I was, uh, Helen and I—Dr. Cho. She invited me for Easter, and we were enjoying a nice glass of Asgardian Mead when—"

"When Clint called," Helen finished. "Anyway, he's here to help, right?"

"Of course," Thor replied. "I've never witnessed a human birth before, but I've been present for the births of many Gods and am well-versed in many newborn blessings."

You and Natasha locked eyes, your nervousness quickly replaced with gratitude as you realized the significance of having another close friend by your side during this pivotal moment in your lives.

Natasha expressed her gratitude to Thor, finally breaking the silence. "We're both thankful that you're here," she said, her voice filled with sincerity. 

You nodded in agreement, silently acknowledging the sentiment.

"It's my pleasure, ladies," Thor replied warmly.

“Thor, can you bring the rest of my equipment in from the Quinjet while I check to see how far Y/N is dilated?” Helen asked.

“Sure, and do either of you need anything? He asked.

Some ice chips would be great, you said in a tired voice. “Thank you.”

“Water,” Natasha said.

Shortly after Thor departed, Yelena entered, engaging in small talk as they crossed paths in the hallway. "What's the God of muscles doing here?" she inquired.

"It's a long story," Helen responded.

"I spoke with Melina. She and Alexi are en route and should arrive by morning. At least, I think that's what she said. It was hard to hear her over Alexi's ecstatic screams in the background."

"Okay, Y/N, you've done most of the hard work in my absence. You're just about at 10 centimeters. It’s time to start pushing. You two are going to parents soon," Helen announced with a smile.

“Oh my God,” you said, looking over at Natasha. 

“Hey,” your wife said, running her hand through your hair, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you said.

*^~^*

“Push. Push, just a little more! Come on, push for five seconds. 5…4…” Helen counted down.

Gasping for air, you exclaimed, '3-2-1 oh!!' as you fought to catch your breath.

Thor gently wiped away the sweat from your forehead with a cloth.

“You're doing great, Y/N. The next contraction should be coming in about twenty seconds," Helen encouraged, glancing at the monitor. 

“I can’t,” you cried. “I can’t push anymore, I can’t.”

Natasha reassured you, "Yes, you can, Y/N. You're so close," she reached out and firmly took hold of your hand.

“Oh God, twenty seconds, my ass!” You shouted.

Natasha screamed in pain and fell to her knees beside you as you squeezed her hand. “Fuck, detka!”

"Here, Lady Y/N," Thor said, taking her hand in his, "Give my hand a good squeeze; you won't hurt me. And when you reminisce on this moment, you will remember that a God has faith in you. You can do this!" Thor's voice was solid and reassuring, his eyes filled with genuine belief in your strength.

Your eyes shone with tears as you held Thor's hand tightly, feeling the strength in his grip while Natasha enveloped you, her arm supporting your back.

I can see the baby's head. Are you ready to push one more time, honey?” Helen asked, “Here we go, on three: 1... 2... 3!”

You let out a final scream and then collapsed back onto the pillows, trying to catch your breath. As the room fell silent, the innocent cries of your and Natasha’s baby filled the air.

"It's a boy!" Helen exclaimed with joy.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at Natasha, who was also crying. It was more emotion than you had ever seen Natasha show before.

Helen held up your son for both of you to admire. His little head was adorned with the beginnings of red hair. 

"He's absolutely perfect," Nat exclaimed with a radiant smile as she affectionately kissed your temple.

Thor carefully cut the umbilical cord, and then Helen gently passed the newborn over to Laura, who began to clean him up. 

Overwhelmed with emotion, you exclaimed, "He's so tiny! Where'd he go?"

Natasha reassured you, "It's okay. They're just wrapping him up," as she wiped away her tears. Concerned for the baby's well-being, you cautioned, "Okay, well, be careful with him. He's really tiny!”

Moments later, Laura tenderly announced, "Here he is," and placed your precious son on your bare chest, swathed in a soft blanket.

"Hi, baby boy," you whispered, tears streaming down your cheeks. "I know you."

As your voice reached his ears, his little Y/E/C irises opened, revealing a world of innocence and wonder.

At that moment, gazing at your son, you experienced a love so profound it felt as though your heart had been laid bare.

Natasha tenderly kissed his head and softly murmured, “Dobro pozhalovat' v mir, moy malen'kiy mal'chik.” (Welcome to the world, my little boy).

We’ll give you a few minutes," Helen said with a reassuring smile as she closed the door behind her. In the serene stillness that followed, the only sound was the gentle cooing of your precious newborn son.

“I can't believe he's finally here,” you said.

"I know. He’s so beautiful," Natasha said, her gaze fixed on the newborn.

"It looks like he’s going to take after his Mama," you chuckled, running your hand over the delicate red hairs sprouting from his scalp.

"Yes, but look at his eyes—sparkling Y/E/C like yours. Wow," Nat said.

You remarked, "I guess this narrows the names down, then."

Nat sighed in relief, "Thank goodness I don't have to explain to my sister why we didn't choose Yelena."

Looking into your wife's eyes, you asked, "So what do you think?"

*^~^*

A short while later, a gentle knock on the door signaled Helen's arrival as she peeked inside. "Hey, you three. I need to conduct a few routine tests, and there are some eager people outside who can't wait to meet your son."

"Please, come on in, everyone," you welcomed them.

You couldn't hold back the tears as you witnessed the heartfelt expressions on their faces as they laid eyes on your baby boy. It was as if he instantly captivated them, just as you were when you first saw him.

"Oh, my goodness," Laura exclaimed as Clint enveloped Natasha tightly. Tears glistened in his eyes as he held his best friend close.

"He's beautiful, Natasha," Yelena said, her eyes brimming with tears. "Privet, malen'kiy plemyannik," she whispered (hello, my little nephew).

"He's so cute, Y/N! Oh my gosh," Kate exclaimed as your son wrapped his tiny hand around your finger.

"He is lovely," Thor added, his voice filled with warmth. "Strong and brave, like his mothers."

Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel gathered around you, admiring the newborn in your arms.

"Everyone," Natasha began, her hand resting lovingly on your back. "We have someone special we'd like you to meet.”

“This is Nikolai Odison Romanoff," you announced with a proud smile.

"Nikolai! What a beautiful first name," Clint exclaimed, wiping his eyes. "It suits him perfectly."

"Oh, my, Odison," Thor said wide-eyed. "Ladies, this is an honor fit for someone else. I wasn't even supposed to be here, I—" 

"But you were, Thor. You were here when I needed someone the most," you said, looking at him with gratitude. "We'll never forget what you did for us."

The God of Thunder exhaled, visibly touched by your kind words. "I'm truly honored, Y/N. Thank you," he said, kissing your cheek.

Excuse me, ladies," Helen said, "May I borrow him for a moment? We'll be right back.”

Nikolai began to cry at the loss of contact with you, and the sound tugged at both your and Natasha's heartstrings. "It's okay, little one. It's okay," Helen soothed him. 

Then, looking up at your wife, you added, "There is something else we wanted to ask. 

“Clint and Laura, we would be honored if you would be Nikolai’s godparents,” Natasha said.

“Of course!” Clint declared.

“Nothing would make us happier,” Laura added.”

The couple hugged you both in appreciation as Helen returned with Nikolai. 

“You have a healthy little boy on your hands! Born March 31st, 2024 at 7:23pm. He weighs five pounds and eight ounces and measures 16.5 inches long," she said as she gently placed your son in Natasha’s arms. "He's a bit small, but that is because he was impatient and arrived a bit early," Helen explained with a warm smile. "Nothing to worry about.”

Natasha cradled the baby in her arms, swaying gently back and forth as a soft yawn slipped from his tiny lips.

“We’ll spend the night here, but I want to bring Mom and Nikolai back to the compound tomorrow. I want to perform a thorough examination in my lab before sending you all home.” Helen explained.

"Of course, whatever you think is best," you agreed.

Natasha nodded in approval before a sudden realization struck her. "Oh, Mom and Dad! They're on their way here."

"They can join us if you'd like," Helen suggested.

"That would be great," you said. "Right, Nat?"

"Yeah, great," Natasha said, her mind racing as she tried to imagine the chaos of the Quinjet flight home with Alexi and Melina.

Yelena couldn't help but burst into laughter, fully aware of what her sister was thinking, until Kate elbowed her in the ribs.

"We'll leave you all to get some rest," Helen said. "I'll be outside if you need anything, and I'll be back in a little while to help you with breastfeeding him.”

"Thank you, Helen, and all of you, for everything," you said, feeling the exhaustion and emotions of the day overwhelming you as tears began to fall.

After exchanging warm embraces, everyone exited the room, leaving you and Natasha in peaceful solitude with your precious newborn son, savoring the tender moment.

Natasha gently settled Nikolai in Nathaniel's bassinet, a family heirloom lovingly retrieved from storage by Clint and Laura. As your little one drifted into a peaceful slumber, you both couldn't help but marvel at the miracle of life, watching his tiny chest rise and fall with each breath. It was a moment you never wanted to forget.

“Rest, detka. I'll take care of Nikolai," Nat offered, her voice filled with warmth and reassurance.

"I can stay up; it's fine. You should rest," you insisted, determined to take responsibility.

"Y/N, you've just brought new life into the world. You deserve to rest for the rest of your life," Nat chuckled, her eyes filled with affection and concern.

She settled beside you on the bed and enveloped you in a comforting embrace.

"Look at your face," Nat suddenly remarked, her expression softening with genuine admiration.

"I must look a mess," you replied, a tired smile tugging at your lips.

"No, Y/N, you look absolutely beautiful," Nat insisted, her words filled with sincerity. "I've never seen your face more radiant than it is right now.

Natasha's soft lips met yours in a tender kiss, and in that moment, you felt the truth of her words resonate deep within you.

*^~^*

The following day, Laura prepared a delicious breakfast and brought it to you and Natasha in bed. Both of you had barely gotten any sleep with Nikolai waking up every couple of hours. Despite feeling utterly exhausted, you didn't mind one bit. This weariness stemmed from the joy of caring for your precious newborn son on his very first night.

Twenty minutes later, the tranquil moment was interrupted by familiar voices outside. Natasha gently pulled the curtain back to glimpse her parents making their way up the front porch steps.

Yelena strode into the room with her arms folded and a mischievous smile on her lips. "Brace yourselves," she teased, "The grandparents have arrived.”

"Where's my little guy?" Alexi eagerly shouted as he entered the room.

"Shh!" Natasha hushed him with a grin, motioning to Nikolai nestled in her arms. "Oh, look at him!" Alexi whispered in awe. 

"Mom, Dad, this is Nikolai,” Nat said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"He's beautiful, Natalia," Melina murmured.

"May I hold him?" Alexi asked eagerly.

"Of course," you replied, carefully passing the baby to Alexi. The sight of the mighty Red Guardian tenderly cradling your newborn son made you smile.

"Hello, Nikolai. I'm your dedushka," Alexi said affectionately. "You're so adorable; yes, you are."

As he spoke, Nikolai slowly opened his eyes, and you could have sworn you saw your father-in-law's heart swell with love. 

Alexi gently placed the baby in Melina’s arms. Your mother-in-law had always been a complex and enigmatic figure. She was one of the longest-tenured widows, and her resilience made her one of the strongest women in your eyes. As she cradled your newborn son in her arms, a single tear traced its way down her cheek, revealing a depth of emotion and vulnerability that you had never seen before.

Yelena inched toward you and whispered, “He won them over faster than you did.” 

*^~^*

The next morning, Thor joined in to assist with packing while Clint hurried to the store to purchase an infant car seat for Nikolai. You were a family of two when you arrived, and you were leaving a family of three.

After a swift diaper change, Natasha placed your precious bundle of joy in his carrier. "Time to head home, Nik," you said, taking his tiny hand in yours. 

You bid farewell to everyone and securely placed Nikolai's carrier beside you on the Quinjet.

Nat smiled as she prepared the Quinjet for takeoff. Your first Quinjet ride," she said. "You're already an overachiever, moy sladkiy mal'chik" (my sweet little boy).

Your phone suddenly vibrates with a flurry of notifications.

"The team group chat is blowing up, sweetheart," you informed Natasha, showing her your phone.

Nick Fury: Congratulations on the arrival of your precious son, Nikolai! It's heartwarming to see the Avengers family welcoming the newest member. Everyone at SHIELD looks forward to meeting him and supporting you and Natasha.

Steve Rogers: Hey, Y/N and Nat, huge congratulations! I'm so excited to meet Nikolai, the newest addition to our Avenger family. 🎖️

Wanda Maximoff: Congratulations to you both! All those cliches, those things you hear about having a baby and motherhood—all of them are true. And all of them are the most beautiful things you will ever experience. I’ll drop off some food for you both in the morning. 🥰

Clint Barton: Hey, Y/N! Make sure Nikolai is securely fastened in his infant carrier. I hope he sleeps the whole way back. If he gets fussy, let Nat know to ask FRIDAY to turn on the cabin pressure stabilization. It's a feature I insisted Stark add to the Quinjet after SHIELD found out I had kids. You're welcome. 😏

Laura Barton: I know things didn't go as planned, but I'm grateful we could share in your special day, Y/N. Nikolai is absolutely beautiful! Please let Nat know that I'll give her a call tomorrow. 😊

Tony Stark: Rushman! Y/L/N! Congratulations on the arrival of your precious son. Nikolai will bring you endless joy and fulfillment and become your favorite reason to lose sleep for the rest of your lives. 😉

Pepper Stark: Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and Nat. I can only imagine how incredible it must feel to look into Nikolai's eyes and feel like everything is right in the world. Please don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything I can do to help. Sending lots of love! ❤️

Bruce Banner: I'm truly sorry I couldn't be there; I’m thrilled for you and Natasha. I can't wait to meet Nikolai! 💚

Maria Hill: Congratulations, Y/N and Nat, on the arrival of baby Nikolai Odison! I can't wait to meet the little bundle of joy and see those tiny fingers and toes. The name Nikolai Odison Romanoff is absolutely beautiful. I spoke with Thor this morning, and the honor deeply moved him. 🥹

Thor Odinson: I am incredibly grateful to have been present for the birth of your son, Nikolai Odison Romanoff. Your decision to include me in this momentous occasion is a great honor, and I want to assure you that I will always be there to support and care for all of you. The arrival of Nikolai is a joyous event, and I am committed to being a steadfast presence in his life. ⚡

Peter Parker: Y/N! Congratulations on the arrival of Nikolai! I'm so thrilled for you and Nat. What does he look like? Does he have your hair or Natasha’s? What color are his eyes? I'm already thinking about all the adventures we'll have with him. I'm going to text Nat right now. I can't wait to meet him! 💙

Yelena Belova: Give my little nephew a kiss and hug from me. Also, heads up - Mom and Dad are considering staying with you for eight weeks to help care for Nikolai. Happy Parenting! 😂

Kate Bishop: Yelena is sitting next to me, and she can't stop laughing, so I'm going to assume that everything is going well. Please give Nikolai a kiss and hug from me! 🩵

*^~^*

You and Natasha stood together at the front of the Quinjet, the hum of the engines surrounding you as the aircraft soared safely through the sky. 

“Nikolai is sound asleep. I don't think your parents have taken their eyes off our son since they got here,” turning around to see Melina and Alexi lovingly admiring their grandson. 

Nat lovingly reached for your hand. “Our son,” she repeated with a big smile.

Nat took her place in the pilot's seat and turned off the autopilot as you settled in beside her.

"Come on, Y/N. Let’s go home.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x you #avengers x reader #mcu #fluff #clint barton #Laura Barton #cooper barton #lila barton #nathaniel barton #yelena boleva #kate bishop #helen cho #thor odinson #platonic #easter

[runawayolives]

So for baby daddy Nate, does reader go to school visibly pregnant? Or once she starts showing she does virtual school?

Thank you for the ask, anon!

So this is not that, but something I had in mind kind of in the same topic.

This belongs to the series Baby Daddy

Maddy took a deep breath while laying down in her backyard, running her hand over her face.

"How is college application going?"

"Nonexistent."

She turned around to face her slightly pregnant friend. "What do you mean nonexistent?"

She shrugged, replying with a dry tone. "It means I'm 17 and pregnant, and I don't want to be a college student and a mother at the same time."

"So? Your parents offered all the help to raise it, you can go to college and during the weekends be with it." Maddy tried to hide the distaste she felt towards the small thing currently existing in her friends abdomen, seeing it as the biggest impediment in both their lives.

"It isn't an it anymore it's a she."

"I don't give a fuck what it is, what I care about is that you're not going to college because of it." She turned her head around to face her friend, practically seeing smoke coming out of her ears and nose.

"Mads, she isn't the guilty one, you said it, my parents offered to raise her."

"Then why are you not going?"

"I don't want someone else raising my child, I don't want her to see her childhood as a period where I was too preoccupied studying to be her mother." This time she really looked at Maddy. She looked at her as if gazing into her eyes would connect with her soul. She wasn't just looking at her, she was trying to explain in a too deeply way her reasons that had already become a stable decision.

"She won't remember."

"She will know eventually."

"If you don't go now, you will never go."

"Lorelei Gilmore did it."

"Fuck her." Y/N broke off eye contact to laugh. She liked Maddy because her abrasiveness did just that, in high tension moments, it acted as a terminator, making it all disappear ear. "Don't laugh, I didn't say that for you to laugh."

"Why are you so mad about this, Mads?" Her friend scoffed, looking away, as if the racional answer was somehow in the clouds or the sky.

"What about me?" Y/N was too confused by the question to read her friends body language.

"I mean, you're like the number one not fan of the baby, but I guess you can be the godmother. Or you could learn how to cook and we could start an inn and raise a bratty and train-wreck kid." Maddy stood up, still not turning around to face her friend.

"What about me, Y/N?"

"Mads, I don't understand what you're asking." She finally turned around, facing her friend. Y/N could now see her face, red and with a few angry tears falling down her cheeks.

"What about me, Y/N? If you don't make it out, what does that mean about me? If this has happened to you, there's no hope for me."

"Maddy..."

"No, don't sugar coat it. I was rooting for you, I was. My mother was proud of me whenever she saw us together, she could see me actually doing something with my life. And now you're here, giving up, ruining your life for a baby you haven't planned and stuck to a guy that is set on ruining your life. If that's what you get, I don't want to know what's waiting for me." She took a deep breath and kneeled down beside her friend. "You've given up on yourself, but I won't. I won't because I refuse to believe this is all there's going to be to your life."

Y/N leaned forward to hug her friend, squishing her as if that would make all her worries evaporate. "I have not given up on you, Maddy Perez, and I'll never will."

They both stood there, for as long as they needed, crying and sometimes laughing, trying to find humor in their seemingly dooming predicament.

#runawayolives #x reader #euphoria #nate jacobs #jacob elordi #dad!nate jacobs #euphoria hbo #nate jacobs x reader #baby daddy #nate jacobs oneshot #nate jacobs ask #baby daddy ask #maddy pérez #maddy perez x reader #platonic Maddy Perez #alexa demie #jacob elordi imagine #jacob elordi x reader #jacob elordi x you #felix catton

[lovingmattysposts]

You don’t know me 27

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: smut, female receiving, emotional, sad

I was just gonna talk to him. I was just going to see how he's feeling. I'm not going to pressure him into a decision. I'm just gonna ask how he's feeling about every-

I paused when I turned and saw Chris walking towards my direction. He saw me and froze too.

We were both walking to each other's house's. I felt nerves come up my throat as my clicked my feet together and saw him push off his feet and complete the distance between us.

"Hey" His voice sang. "Hey" I breathed back.

"You talked to your dad" He stated looking down at me. I nodded and my lips fell into a straight line. "Nate, he told me" He motioned behind him towards his house. I sighed.

"How's he...?" I trailed off. Chris sighed and closed his eyes. "As happy as you'd imagine" He answered my non-finished question. I nodded breathing in. I could deal with my brother---weird feeling-----later.

Silence came between us.

"You're angry with me"

"I'm not angry" He said staring down at me. I stared up at him. "You saved my grandpa's house, he's had that house for like 30 years. How could I be angry?" He breathed looking down at me. I swallowed.

"You told me you didn't want me to interfere and I did. I'm sorry, it was selfish" I breathed. He let out a breath. "Your persistence is annoying, but I’ll never be angry with you Y/n." He breathed before a smile came across his face. I smiled softly.

"It's not what you wanted and I did it anyway, and I'm sorry" I breathed. He pursed his lips and nodded. "You were just trying to help, I understand" He breathed. I blinked at him.

I swallowed the nerves in my throat and he looked down at me. He licked his lips.

"I called my dad today" He said. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh? How'd that go?" I asked. He took in a breath. "He wanted me to come home" He said. I felt my heart raise in my throat, before I forced a nod.

"But he said it was my decision" He explained. I felt like my legs were gonna give out under me. "Okay" I couldn’t hide the shake in my voice.

"Are you gonna go back to Boston?" I asked softly. He parted his lips and looked down at me. The way that he was looking at me made me feel like whatever he was going to say next, I wasn’t going to like.

I swallowed as I felt tears come to my eyes uncontrollably. I hated how I couldn't hide my emotions.

"Y/n" He sighed. I shook my head trying to ignore the tears but my body shook. "No it's-" A unwelcomed sob came out of me before I felt his arms come around me. "Y/n" he breathed again. I pressed my face into his chest as I cried.

"I'm going for the weekend. I'm gonna see how it goes, If I even wanna move back. I haven't decided yet" He breathed making my cries slow down a bit. I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. He shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around me. "Don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?" He whispered kissing the top of my head. I sighed as I basically fell against him.

"I don't want you to sway your decision. I didn't mean to cry" I whispered, feeling like a baby the way I couldn't hold back my tears. He leaned down before picking me slightly and pressing his lips against mine.

"You already sway my decison by being alive" He mumbled against my lips, making me smile. He set me back down. "I don't wanna think about it right now" He breathed his hands running down my shoulders.

The thought of Chris being somewhere that wasn't with me made me sick to my stomach. How could I not think about it? His immediate family was there, he spent the first 16 years of his life there. I couldn't blame him if he thought he's be happier there.

"Okay?" He smiled softly down at me. I nodded reaching up and wiping my eyes. "Okay" He smiled leaning down and wiping the tears that I didn't wipe myself.

"Now come on, I've got something planned" He smiled leaning down and wrapping his hand around mine. "Wh-What is it? I'm not dressed for a date--" I stuttered as he dragged me alone. He glanced over at me.

"You're wearing a skirt and a sweater, yes you are" He chuckled. I looked down at my outfit. "This is my day skirt, not my date skirt" I said quickly and he chuckled. "Oh yeah? What does this date skirt entail exactly?" He glanced down at me.

I smiled before pursing my lips.

"Oh you know just like....short, tight--"

"We're making a pit stop at your house" He said before I could finish. I chuckled as he pulled me closer to him.

-

"Chris" I breathed as we finally made it to the end of the trail. There were blankets and candles spread out at the edge of the clearing. I paused taking it all in. He smiled down at me.

"It's beautiful" I breathed.

"I know" He said, but he wasn't looking at the clearing. I blinked up at him smiling. I shook my head as a blush moved over my cheeks. I walked over to the blanket before running my hand over the basket that laid next to it, I pulled it open before revealing some flowers and some food.

"Hmm, did you make this food Christopher?" I smiled up at him. He chuckled before walking over and sitting down next to me. "I did, if it happens to taste it exactly like Taste of China…we used the same recipe" He said jokingly as I closed the basket.

I rolled my eyes before standing back up and walking over to the edge, seeing water over the drop off where the woods ended.

I felt Chris's arms around around me making me jump. "Oh my god, did you think I was gonna push you?" Chris chuckled, pulling me back against him and farther away from the edge of the rocks. I chuckled as his lips came in contact with the inside of my neck.

"Nothing you haven't done before" I chuckled placing my hand on my back of his head as his lips moved against my skin. "It's not my fault you're 18 and can't swim" He chuckled against my skin.

I turned around facing him. "So you're saying I can push you over this 50-foot drop since you can swim?" I chuckled. He shrugged. "It's not that far of a drop" He smiled. I pulled his waist and his feet planted.

"Oh my god I-I was kidding" He said backing away from me his eyes widening. I chuckled as I pushed his chest back and we walked away from the edge. He chuckled as he sat back down against the blanket.

"Is this why you took me out here? So you could taunt me about the fact that I can't swim?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "No" He stated. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows.

“Come over here, I wanna show you why I took you here” He said opening his arms. I rolled my eyes before I walked over to him and sat next to to him.

He laid against the blanket and opened his arms. I smiled before I laid against his chest and his arms closed around me. I blinked up towards the sky, before seeing the stars laid out before me.

I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Wow” I breathed looking across the perfect night sky. “I know” He breathed looking down at me. I smiled up at him before pressing my lips to his.

He smiled against me.

“It’s not your secret spot, but it’ll do” I smiled pressing my chin to his chest. He rolled his eyes. “You’re so hard to please” He breathed. I smiled. “You already knew that” I said rolling back over so that I was against his chest.

“I’m learning the constellations” He breathed under me. I chuckled. “Are you?” I smiled looking up. He hummed under me.

His arm raised. “That’s Jupiter” he pointed towards the sky. I moved his arm over a few inches. “That’s Jupiter. And that’s a planet not a constellation” I chuckled.

“I know I was just testing you” He breathed under me making me chuckle. His hand raised again. “That’s Centaurus” He said. I turned around and looked at me. He smiled.

“What? How did you know that?” I asked quickly. He smiled. “I told you I was learning” He smiled. I felt a smile come so hard over my face, it hurt. I turned back looking at the stars.

“You interrupted me. I wasn’t finished” He said. I raised my eyebrows. “My apologies. Please, continue” I held back a chuckle. He let out a breath. He grabbed my hand and interlaced it with his before lifting our arms up together. I felt electricity shoot through my arm, as he moved them as one.

“That one is Canes Venatici” He traced the constellation with our fingers. I felt my heart pound with happiness as he spoke. He moved over slightly.

“That’s Monoceros” He explained, again tracing it with our hands in the sky again. I smiled. He moved our hands up.

“Lepus”

He traced our hands.

“That one is Y/n” He pointed at a certain star. I furrowed my eyebrows. “What?” I chuckled. He circled our hands around the singular star. “That star is Y/n” He stated again as if I hadn’t heard him the first time. I pulled my hand from his and looked back at him.

“No, I heard what you said. What are you talking about?” I chuckled. He smiled before reaching over me and into the basket before pulling out a piece of paper. I just watched him as he unfolded the paper.

“If you weren’t so focused on the food, Y/n.” He chuckled. “You would have seen this” He handed me the paper. I just looked at him as I grasped it.

“Read it” he motioned to the paper. I closed my open my mouth as I looked down at the paper.

Star Registration Certification

Star Name: The light of my Life, Y/n Doe

Coordinates: 42.2808° N, 83.7430° W

Certifed

I couldn’t help the wind being caught in my throat. “Chris” I breathed holding onto the paper. I looked over at him.

“You bought me a star?” I breathed blinking at him.

He smiled.

“I thought I’d get you something nicer than the plastic ones on your ceiling” He chuckled. I squealed before throwing the paper and wrapping my arms around him pulling him towards me. He chuckled from the sudden embrace. I pulled back kissing him lips passionately.

I pulled back and he looked in a daze.

“If I get that everytime I buy you a star, expect one every week” He breathed looking down at my with hooded eyes. I smiled and pressed my lips softly to his. He kissed me back.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me” I whispered against his lips. He smiled and pulled back. “I’m sure that’s not true” He whispered. I rolled my eyes.

“You’re a romantic at heart Christopher Sturniolo” I smiled. He shrugged. “Yeah maybe I am.” I smiled down at me. “Or maybe you just make me that way” He whispered quietly.

He pulled me back down to his chest. I could lay here for ours. Our food seems forgotten in the basket as we just laid there looking up at the stars.

I sighed as his hands came to my sides.

He left tomorrow for Boston, but he’d be back on Monday. Hopefully. What if he decided to stay? He wouldn’t just stay without saying goodbye to me first right? Or at least tell me to my face he decided to stay. My chest tightened.

“Relax” His voice rang through my body. I took in a breath. “I’m relaxed” I lied. “You’re not, your body tenses when you think” He breathed, I felt his breath against my neck. I closed my eyes.

“I’m relaxed” I breathed again. His thumbs rubbed circles into my hips. I felt them almost burn through the fabric of my skirt. His touch was like fire.

“Baby” He tilted his head into my neck. “Mhm hm?” I hummed focused on his thumbs, trying to ignore the feeling it gave me.

“Do you need help relaxing?”

The pulse grew.

I swallowed.

I tilted my head back slightly so he had more access to my neck. That was my answer before his lips softly pressed against the spot below my ear. I took a breath in from the feeling, Boston now being the last thing on my mind.

He bit down. I took a breath in as my eyes closed. Fuck. His hand moved down to the bottom on my skirt slightly. I could audibly hear myself breathing.

From how long this whole ‘I have a new father and brother thing’ and ‘Chris might be moving back to East coast thing’ has been going on, I hadn’t realized how long it’d been since he touched me.

I realized quickly from how fast the pulse in between my legs quickened. His finger tips moved right under the bottom on my skirt, against my mid thighs. I sighed before spreading my legs farther apart slightly.

I felt him chuckle against my neck. I felt my face go red. “You’re so cute” He whispered. I closed my eyes. “I don’t wanna be cute, I was to be desirable” I whispered. He lifted his head from my neck and we met eyes.

“You think you can’t be cute and desirable?” He whispered. I blinked at him. “I don’t know, do you want lust after bunny rabbits?” I chuckled. His eyes widened. “Way to make it weird” He smiled and pressed his lips to mine briefly before parting.

“What do you wanna be?” He whispered his fingers trailing higher. I swallowed. “I don’t wanna be cute” I breathed. Who wants to be cute when their boyfriend’s hand is trailing up their skirt? No one.

“So what do you wanna be?” He repeated his question, pressing his nose to mine. “I wanna be sexy. That kind of desirable” I whispered, surprised the words even left my mouth. I’d doubt I’d even would have found the courage if it didn’t feel like Chris and I were the only two people in the world right now.

“Oh princess, you already are” He mumbled pressing his lips against mine. I smiled as he kissed me. He kissed me for a brief second before he turned back to our original position.

“What-What are you doing?” I questioned as he was now out of my view and his lips weren’t on mine. I shifted to where I wasn’t laying against his chest and his hands moved from my legs to my waist, before pulling me back.

“I want you to watch the stars”

I was dripping.

I didn’t respond, afraid my voice would have broke, or I would have uttered an incomplete sentence. I took in a breath as his hands trailed back down my legs. His fingers played with the bottom hem of my skirt.

“Is this okay?” He whispered. I nodded as I stared up at the night sky. “Words” His voice sang. “Yes” I breathed quickly. I felt his breath rise and fall under me as he pushed my skirt up to bunch up over my hips.

Aries

Cassiopeia

Hydrus

My eyes cascaded over the stars. My eyes fluttered as he pressed two of his fingers over my underwear, moving them back and forth softly.

I was no longer interested in the stars.

I shifted beneath him and swallowed as I spread my legs farther apart. His other hand that wasn’t feeling me over my underwear came over my shoulder, sending chills down my spine. I took in a breath.

One touch, and I was shivering.

I would have been embarrassed if I could think or hear anything other than the pulsing inside me. He pressed his lips to the top of my head.

“You’re so pretty, so perfect for me” He breathed as his fingers trailed over my collarbone bones. I swallowed as I pushed against his fingers. “Chris” I breathed. He let an out a breath.

“Yes, Princess” He hummed. I closed my eyes. “Please” I breathed. “Please what?” His hands trailed to the top of my underwear feeling the lace on the top of it.

“I miss your touch” I breathed and that was enough for him before his fingers hooked over my underwear and dragged them down. My breath halted as I felt the cold air against my most sensitive area.

I felt his cold fingers press against me, I blinked up at the sky and whined as his fingers moved across me. “I haven’t even touched you yet, baby you’re making a mess” He almost whispered. I closed my eyes.

It would be humiliating if I could think.

He fingers moved soft circles around me. I pressed against his back. He moved faster. I gripped his arm with one of my hands. It was crazy how fast he could get me going. I whined and closed my eyes.

“You’re not watching the stars” He breathed. My eyes opened as I was breathing like I was sprinting. He was moving fast, but not fast enough. He was pressing down, but not hard enough.

I pressed against his fingers desperately. He stopped before moving down and plunged into me completely with his fingers. I moaned before my legs bent upward.

“Feels…”

“Hm?”

“…good”

“Chris” I whined my eyes closing as I squirmed around. He moved at a slow, calm pace. I pushed against him again. “Faster, please” I breathed. I could tell he was holding back. I was so wet I could barely feel his fingers inside me.

He sped up his movements and curled his finger. My head tilted back and I moaned.

“Tell me I’m the only one who can make you feel like this”

“You’re—“ I bit my lip to hide a moan.

“You’re holding back” He breathed.

“So are you” I whined, dipping my head back against his shoulder from the pressure.

I tilted my head into his chest and whined as he sped up his movements faster. He knew the spot that drove me crazy, and he was hitting it every other movement. On purpose.

“Please, please. I need—“ I cried. He drove his fingers directly into the spot over and over. “Oh my- Chris” I nearly screamed as my back arched against him.

“Tell me im the only one who can make you feel like this” he repeated. I gripped his shirt. “You’re-you’re the only—fuck” I was close, my vision was hazy. I clenched against his fingers.

“I’m the only what?” He slowed. “The only one! The only person-“ as soon as the words left my mouth he stopped holding back. My body pulsed against him. My stomach curled as he hit his fingers inside me.

“Tell me you love me”

“Chris I love-“

He hit the spot, again.

Again.

Again.

Harder.

Harder.

“Fuck Chris—“ My body heaved before I released all over his hand. I tried to control my breathing before his fingers left me entirely and he pulled my skirt back down over my hips.

I rolled over until my face went pressed against his chest. “I love you Chris you know that” I whispered after a second and he let go out a breath. I lifted my head to connect our eyes. He looked from me to the sky.

"Hey" I pressed my hands against his face and he looked down at me. "You know that" I whispered. He stared at me for a second before he nodded. I leaned and pecked his lips softly.

"Talk to me, please" I whispered. He closed his eyes. "I'm scared" He whispered. I blinked up at him. Silence came between us. "Me too" I replied honestly.

What he was scared of? I had no idea.

What I was scared of? Him falling back in love with Boston. Him forgetting about everything in Michigan, Including me.

"The thing about fear is that there's only one thing that can overpower it" I whispered. He just looked at me, uncertainty all over his face. I laid my head against his shoulder.

"Love" I whispered. He didn't say anything, but he sighed and wrapped his arms around my back. "And I think out of everyone's love. Mine for you can do anything" I whispered. He leaned his head against mine and let out a breath.

"I know you have a flight early, but can you stay at my house? I know it's probably asking a lot but-"

"Of course I can" He said back before I could finished. I smiled against him. "I just need you there. Just for the last night" I whispered. He nodded as we just laid there.

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo smut #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader

[daydreamgoddess14]

Red Card

MASTERLIST

Roy Kent x F!Reader

It's the first time in 135 years that the Premier League has allowed a female referee to official a match... Remaining neutral is absolutely key. Plenty of fluff and smut and flirting 😏

The anticipation was at a whole different level. For the first time in history, a woman would referee a Premier League football game. The FA had played a blinder from a marketing perspective - a local girl from Richmond itself - refereeing a Richmond vs. Man City match - the top two finishing teams of the previous season. Sky Sports, BT Sport, Match of the Day, ESPN… every single football broadcaster or news outlet was on site. It couldn’t get any more high profile. It had been all anyone had talked about for weeks on end. Roy was sick of hearing about it, talking about it, and reading about it.

“New Trent?”

“What do you think about a woma-”

“Reffing the next match? It’s about fucking time. Should have been done years ago. The league might be saying all the right things and making a big deal out of it, but it’s only disguising the fact that they haven’t bothered utilising female referees until now.”

“And what do you think of the referee chosen for the match?”

“Did I offer you a fucking follow up, New Trent? She’s a fantastic ref, and has a great eye. I’ve seen her run some lower league matches and it’s high time she had a role in the Prem.” He looked around for his next victim, “You with the… bald spot?”

“And will you be saying the same thing if she books one of the lads next week or a decision doesn’t go your way?”

“Course I fucking will. I don’t suddenly change my opinion of any of the other refs? We’ve all got jobs to do and roles to play. I don’t think we can ask for anything more than for any of the referees to be fair and equal. I don’t give a shit who we’re on about, that applies to all of them.” He looks around for any other burning questions, “Right, fuck off then you lot. I’m done for the day.” He rose from the desk and left the bustle of the press conference. In the office, Beard and Nate were looking over plans for the next week while the team milled around the gym and treatment rooms.

“Tough presser?” Beard asked.

“No more than fucking usual. All anyone is talking about is the new-”

“Female ref? The news is everywhere. As if the match wasn’t high profile enough as it is.” Nate filled in, a bundle of nervous energy.

“Yeah, well we’ll be fine. Just gotta make sure the boys keep their heads down. The new ref isn’t their problem, they don’t need to even be thinking about that.”

“But they will, because that’s all they’re hearing about. We haven’t had this much press coverage for ages, the match sold out months ago. They may not have to think about her, but the whole situation does impact their whole build up to the game.” Beard declared.

“Right, get ‘em in here.” Roy grimaced. Nate dashed off to assemble the team. “Alright lads?” There were a few murmurs and replies. “I know there’s a lot of noise around this one - some of it is to do with us and the City game, some of it is none of our business. I suggest you steer clear of the news for a few fucking days. There’s no need to watch it at all. No Twatter or whatever you fucking use. Just stay off that shit for the rest of the week, yeah? Any news you need, you hear from us. I want to keep the positivity we’ve got for the new ref, so if you’re asked about it by the paps on the car park, be fucking nice. Otherwise, you don’t watch or listen to all of the fucking fuss about the weekend, alright?”

“Coach.” Isaac nodded in agreement, the other players followed his lead.

~~~~~~~

The noise was deafening, the stadium packed to the rafters. You hovered at the side of the pitch with the other officials, warming up until it was time for the meet and greet of the team managers. The two managers were like fucking titans of football royalty. You were about to meet Pep Guardiola for god sake. And if you even think for one second about meeting Roy Kent, you might just pee your pants. Pep is great, wonderful - the boss! But you grew up not twenty minutes down the road, so Roy is firstly, the literal definition of local hero, and secondly, the big crush of your early 20s. You spent many Euro Championships and World Cups in the pub singing his chant and ogling his legs. Fortunately when the Premier League and media ask about your neutrality, they don’t ask whether you’ve experienced sexual fantasies about any of the players or managers. At least you’d only be admitting that about one person and not, like, a whole team. And you would never admit it publicly. The home crowd roars as the Richmond team is announced, you make your way to the space between the two dugouts ready to greet the players. They all shake your hand as they pass you, with a few nods of encouragement and words of support. The same applies to the Man City team, you’re determined not to be starstruck in front of Pep Guardiola so you shake his hand with a big smile and wish his team luck. You turn to Roy Kent and his large hang engulfs yours. You whack on your big smile and offer the same affirmation as you did to Pep. On the pitch, you speak momentarily with the two captains and blow your whistle for go time. 

The trouble with Premier League football is just that, it's Premier League. Top flight. The best of the best. Keeping pace with these players was a job in itself, being in the action without impacting it or getting in the way was another, and being the all seeing, all knowing one was… yet another. Your mind (and body) are pulled from goalpost to goalpost, and it's really no surprise that the referee is often blamed for poor decisions. It's impossible to see every single thing that happens on the pitch. You're making good decisions so far, nothing out of the ordinary. Shortly before halftime, one of the Richmond defenders nearly dislocates his shoulder, going in hard on Haaland. It feels cruel to punish him, but it's part of the job, so you have to award Man City the free kick. From the other side of the pitch, you can hear Roy Kent over the sound of 60,000 people screaming the same thing. Haaland scores, of course. You hang back while the teams leave the pitch at halftime, but he's waiting for you in the tunnel. 

"The fuck did you give a free kick for?!"

"You shouldn't be collaring me out here, but to answer your question, the tackle was too much."

"Bullshit, it was a fair tackle and McAdoo would have hurt himself more than Haaland."

"Bullshit. Haaland has got about 5 inches and half a stone on McAdoo."

"5 inches is fucking nothing." He smirks.

"Really?” You arch an eyebrow at him, “did you seriously choose today to make a dick joke?" Utter disbelief is written all over your face, you shake your head and leave him cursing himself in the tunnel. Halftime was supposed to be a moment to catch your breath, not waste it on fighting with Roy Kent. You knew better than to get into it with managers. They saw the action from the sidelines and only had so much impact and influence. They took their lack of control out on officials all the time, it was supposed to be your job to stay calm and walk away, not engage. You ignore him on your way back to the pitch, he's just inside the exit of the tunnel and he could be there to apologise but he could very much be there to shout at you some more. The second half is just as eventful, Richmond are pushing hard for at least an equaliser, and Man City are loath to let them get it. When Obisanya has a shot on goal, which goes wide, City are pleading for a goal kick, but it's not. You award the corner, and Rojas sweeps a beautiful pass into Tartt, who sends the ball straight into the corner of the net. City scores again shortly afterwards, and you have to keep your head to make sure no one is deliberately trying to cause injury to anyone else. When Tartt goes down just outside the area, you request VAR footage to aid your decision before calling for a free kick. He scores, but it's an immediate offside and Roy Kent looks like he might explode. When play resumes, Colin Hughes gets a goal straight away. The game ends in a 2-2 draw, but the fans and teams both seem appeased. 

~~~~~

By the time the press conferences are over, Roy's had more than enough. He (respectfully) disagreed with your first free kick decision, but praised your other choices and overall declared you "No better or worse than the other pricks." The stadium is starting to clear, and the Man City bus has just left. Richmond players make plans to get food at Ola’s. When Roy sees two of the officials only just leaving, he sends the others ahead and makes his way down to the away team and visitors facilities.

“I hope you’re here to apologise.” She states dryly as he approaches.

“Yeah,” he looks bashful, “the dick joke was a dick move. Sorry.” She looks so serious, he’s not sure the apology is accepted until he spies a tiny smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

“Was pretty funny. In alternative circumstances.”

“Noted. Congratulations anyway, noise from the press has all been good so far.”

“Nice to know my performance will be scrutinised forever while every mediocre male referee gets a pass for another week.”

“I’m sure your performance will only improve.” He inwardly groaned. She was going to laugh in his face. A dick joke and then godawful flirting? It was only what he deserved.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’ll pass that direct quote on to The Sun.” 

“They’ll have a fucking field day. Richmond manager does shit job at flirting with the only female ref in the league? They’ll probably go and interview the poor woman I called my girlfriend when we were in year 6.”

“Flirting?” 

“No,” he scoffed, “no, course not. I didn’t mean that. Just a joke.” You cocked your head at him,

“Should we start again? Hi, you must be Roy Kent, I’m the first female referee in a Premier League game in 31 years. Well, actually it’s more like 135 years but the FA are trying to make themselves look marginally better.”

“Nice to meet you. Great job on the match, I respectfully, completely, disagree with that fucking free kick in the first half but other than that… no complaints.” He steps closer, you’re showered and changed but he can still smell the fresh grass mingling with the citrus and spice of the products you use. The combination is incredible - like summer and sunshine.

“I wouldn’t give a shit if you did have any complaints. Looking after your feelings isn’t in my job description.” You take in his height, broad shoulders and dark eyes and the long dormant crush rises to the surface immediately. You hadn’t taken much notice since you stopped having posters on your walls all those years ago, you’d only caught a few of his appearances as a pundit. He’s gorgeous, despite his surly appearance there’s an unmistakable twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Like he’s having fun with whatever this tension is that bubbles between you. And when he does smile at your commitment to fairness, it takes your breath away.

“Good to know the FA can rely on you staying neutral then.” He says quietly. Anticipation crackles in the air and fizzes in your stomach. You match his playfulness in your response, and step into his personal space,

“I don’t think there’s anything here that could sway me to any team in particular.” You smile, “not yet, anyway.” He waits until you’ve definitely left the room before he lets go of the breath he’s been holding. 

~~~~~

You’re dragged out by your friends to celebrate that night, even though your legs ache like you’ve done a 10km run. It wasn’t so much the running, you specifically trained for that, it’s the constant change in direction and the intensity of having your attention focused on so many things at once. If the FA thought they could throw you under a bus by giving you such a high profile game, you’re pleased you proved them wrong. The bar is crowded and noisy and you’ve already spotted a couple of the Richmond players - it was bound to happen in a relatively small town if they couldn’t be bothered to go right into the city. You’re at the bar ordering when you feel a hand on your hip and someone standing very closely behind you, a hand raises above you holding a credit card, and gestures to the barman. You’re about to lose your shit when you hear his voice rumble behind you,

“I’ve got these, mate.” He steps to your side when the person next to you moves, but his hand lingers, “I hope buying you a drink doesn’t make you question your bias?”

“Not at all, I’m afraid you’d have to work much harder than that.” He looks even better than he did a few hours ago, desire coils inside you and you instinctively draw your thighs together. It doesn’t help when he noticeably looks at your mouth, red lipstick is your ‘go to’ for a night out.

“I’ll bear that in mind.” Your drink is put on the bar next to you and you lick your lips before taking a sip. Neither of you has broken eye contact. You hear your name from a few feet away at the edge of the dance floor.

“Excuse me,” you raise your glass to him, “thank you for the drink.” 

“Bruv, is that the ref from today?” Isaac steps up beside him.

“Yeah, yeah that’s her.”

“She’s fit. You gonna ask her out?”

“Dunno Isaac, bit fucking old for that shit now.”

“Nah man, I just seen the way she looked at you-” he shakes Roy’s shoulder, “ooooh! Get it boy!” Roy rolls his eyes and smirks, watching you get dragged to the dance floor. He knows he must be old because he’s only been standing pitchside for the match and wouldn’t be caught dancing. You’ve run your legs off and then still managed to get them into that sequined mini skirt and up dancing. You can feel his eyes on you but you’d rather keep your back to him and try and carry on as casually as you can, if you turn around you know you won’t be able to stop staring. At least with your back to him, you can ignore him. Plus you know your arse looks great in this skirt, it was literally the sole reason for buying it in the first place. With all the running and training you do, you’re conscious of your strong thighs and hips but sometimes, just sometimes, they make you feel powerful. Eventually, you have to duck out of the dancing - mimicking a timeout to your friends. Roy is exactly where you left him at the bar and the alcohol makes you bold. You squeeze back in next to him and take a sip of his drink, yours is long finished. 

“Help yourself.” He smirks, his hand moving to your hip again, hidden by the darkness of the bar. You put a hand on his thigh and lean in slightly, taking some of the pressure off your feet. You’re close enough that he can see your breath hitch as his thumb finds a patch of exposed skin at the waistband of your skirt. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” You ask quickly, pushing your nerves down. He nods and finishes most of his drink, offering the last of it to you. Outside, word has gotten out that half a football team is at the bar and everyone is out for a glimpse of Jamie Tartt. You push past the photographers with Roy’s hand at the small of your back and into a nearby taxi.

~~~~~

“Please tell me there aren’t any fucking rules about this,” Roy mumbles somewhere in the valley between your breasts.

“I have no fucking clue, and I don’t really care right now.” You gasp, breathless as he leaves a mark on your soft skin.

“No? No danger of a red card?” You laugh and it’s musical and magical and neither of you have had this much fun in ages.

“No red cards for Roy Kent. Probably makes a fucking change.”

“Oi, cheeky. I never got that many.” He’s moved down again, unzipped your skirt and thrown it behind him somewhere.

“Fucking liar. They literally use you as an example of trouble players. Oh, fuck-” he bites your thigh.

“A good example or bad example?” His tongue sweeps over your clit and you nearly rocket off the bed until he hooks his arms over your thighs and pulls you back down to him.

“Oh god, bad example,” You feel him hum against you as he works you to your peak,

“Shame, I’m a changed man.” 

“Uhuh, ok,” you whisper, unable to think or speak any more coherently.

“How's your neutrality holding up?” Your hands tangle in his hair,

“Fuckkk, sooo good.”

“I’ll have to fucking try harder then,” he chuckles. You’re about to beg for mercy when he pushes two fingers into you and curls them to just the right angle that has you seeing stars. When he comes back up to kiss you, you rock your hips against his and he helps roll you both over, sitting up so he can still kiss you. His kisses are rough and needy, making you grind down against him. When you nip his neck, he pulls gently at your loose hair, whimpering and god, you’d do anything, anything to have him make that sound again. It only makes you rock harder against him, desperate to feel him inside you. When he finally pushes into you, your body clenches. You rise and fall onto him over and over, grateful for those powerful thighs he can’t keep his hands off. When he brings a hand between you both and circles your clit, you drop your head into the crook of his neck and bite down to stifle your moan. You feel his hips stutter under you as you both come, making you drop your own rhythm. You collapse in a tangle of limbs and sheets against him. 

“If you ask me again if you’ve swayed me yet, I’ll bite you.”

“You’ve already fucking done that,” he laughs. “Still need to try harder?” 

“Hmm, there’s no harm in trying again. You might win me over.”

“And over and over?” He kisses you again, so slowly it’s intoxicating. 

When you wake in the morning, it’s to the sound of his phone ringing. He tears himself away from where he’s curled behind you, the length of his legs against yours, his chest against your back and his arms around you.

“Yeah,” his voice is low and rough with sleep and it’s enough to have you roll over and press your body back into his. You can’t hear the other person, but he hangs up quickly and opens a link they’ve sent. It’s a picture on Twitter of the two of you leaving the bar together with his hand on your lower back with the headline “RED CARD FOR KENT?”

“Told you you were fucking trouble.” You laugh.

FIN

#roy kent #roy kent fluff #roy kent fic #roy kent fanfiction #roy kent x reader #roy kent x you #roy kent smut #roy kent imagine

[morallyinept]

Adrift With You - A Frankie Morales Series - Chapter 3

Summary: Heading away on a work re-location, Frankie embarks on a flight, but unbeknownst to him, his life is about to change forever. For starters, he will need to fight for it; harder than he's ever fought for anything else before.

Marooned on an isolated island in the middle of the ocean, still recovering from an addiction, his chances of survival are bleak; but he’s not alone on the island, and soon he’s running towards a different kind of life - a life with fellow survivor, Jude, fighting right beside him every step of the way.

And if they can both survive the island together, they can survive anything, right?

Pairing: Frankie Morales x OFC Jude

Chapter word count: 4.9k

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

☝🏻See Series Masterlist for full smut warnings & triggers in this story. Chapters that contain smut or triggers will be highlighted in the chapter notes below. 👇🏻

Chapter notes: Frankie and Jude both step onto the plane not knowing what awaits them. Descriptions of injury, blood, death and a plane crash.

Enjoy! 🖤

Chapter 2

Present Day...

Overhead storage on a plane is a pointless endeavour. 

They say your bag has to be a certain height and width, and you go through that whole rule abiding rigmarole of sticking to a tiny bag - despite not being able to fucking pack anything of use actually in it - and the sucker still doesn’t fit in there just to spite you. 

Jude shoves it with her fist, practically punching the bag in whilst having a mild breakdown in the process until she’s composed herself and slumps into the window seat and buckles in, tasting wisps of her hair in her mouth. 

She’s seated at the very back of the plane; the last row that backs onto the emergency exit in coach, and will give off the subtle feculent stench of the toilets right behind her throughout the flight.

The faint cries of a grumpy toddler down the front somewhere can already be heard droning, even over the hum of the engine as the plane is loaded up with bleating passengers ready for the eighteen hour long flight. 

It was an easy decision to make; an unconscious autopilot. Jude had some savings and decided to quit life for a time out and take a break from the aftermath of Nate's continuous infidelity. The destination was purely left to the spin of her old, antique globe on her desk, having racked up nearly forty-nine countries already in her career, and wherever her finger landed, that’s where she’d go.

It landed on Madagascar and that was it, decision made. Ideal opportunity for some relaxation, to forget that shit-stain Nate, and maybe take some photographs whilst she was at it. Or maybe she would just mellow out on a hammock on the beach for two weeks, forgetting the world and plying herself with strong drinks until she forgot her own name. She'd carefully packed minimal camera gear into her carry on regardless - old habits die hard and her camera was like a limb, essential.

She checks her phone one last time before switching it into flight mode. The constant barrage of calls from Nate has died off somewhat since her stark warning in the café, but he’s still haranguing her by text message, or Whatsapp, or via any other social media platform he can try and reach her on to just ‘talk to me’ or ‘give me another chance, please babe.’

But holding strong only works if she is strong. And that's questionable right about now.

The temptation to listen to him to explain his deceitfulness all over again has been there swilling around the sides of her bandaged heart and rational thinking, and rather than risk the fallout of letting the scumbag wheedle his way back in with his Machiavellian falsehoods - like he usually does knowing Jude's backbone is already at breaking point - it’s best to scarper and seek some clarity in a foreign sunny land and have some much needed alone time to regroup and plan the next course of her life, without Nate. 

Plan B always sucks, but you definitely have to have one, right? 

She scrolls through her Instagram feed; her thumb hovering over Nate’s profile, hesitating and then clicking on the unfollow button, followed by the block button. If there had been a button to Taser in the balls, she’d have clicked on that one too.

Jude's seat is moderately comfortable, with just enough legroom for her to sit cramped up without developing DVT. She glances around and observes fellow passengers stowing their carry-on luggage in the overhead compartments, some enduring the same frustrating battles as she did, and settling into their seats.

The air inside the cabin carries a distinct blend of aeroplane air - a mix of recycled ventilation and a hint of the disinfectant used to clean the aircraft. The subtle scent of lemons fills her nose.

She hears the gentle murmur of the flight attendants as they go through their pre-flight routine, checking the cabin, demonstrating safety procedures, and preparing for take-off. The occasional announcements over the intercom remind passengers to fasten their seatbelts, stow their tray tables, and turn off electronic devices.

The empty seat beside Jude is soon filled with a middle-aged woman embracing a plethora of gossip magazines to keep her entertained during the flight, to which she's thankful for; polite, strained conversation with a stranger that has absolutely nothing in common with you, and an unhealthy penchant for dried cheese crackers, is never an entertaining feat at thirty-odd thousand feet.

Jude simply puts in her ear buds and sets her phone’s Spotify playlist to uber loud, waiting for the classic rock tunes to fill her ears and block out anything else, and sits back in the seat shutting her eyes and grinding on her teeth. 

Further down the plane in business class, Frankie drops his worn backpack at his feet whilst he fishes out the contents of his jeans pockets, glancing down at the oversized seat he’s to be glued into for the next eighteen hours or so. 

Plenty of legroom is waiting for him and it’s a surprise, and a relief, that he won’t be cramped up in economy. Dustin had done him a real solid. 

He zips up his pack after depositing his iPhone - which flashes up a number of unchecked voice messages from Eddie - his wallet and all manner of random things guys feel the need to carry in their denim pockets, such as crumpled bar receipts from months ago; a night out with Benny and Will and a few games of darts, and ultimately the last time he had seen Will.

Frankie’s mind casts back to them talking about how things were different now that Tom was no longer around to hold them all together. How there were less of them now to have bar nights with now that Santi was shacked up comfortably in Australia with his lady and her millions, and how Frankie had also inadvertently exchanged more of those nights out with the Miller brothers for nights alone in his Pickup with bags of powder as his only company.

As Will scratched away at the layers, trying to push his way in, conversations had turned sour about how different Frankie had seemed as his addiction metastasized; Will regarded him with a concerned look in his frosty blue eyes. 

I’m worried about you, Fish. This ain’t like you. 

It’s just a rough patch. I’ll get through it. I’m fine. 

You’re not fine.

I’m handling it. It’s none of your business- 

It is my business. I care about you. We all do. Does Carla know what's going on?

I'm dealing with stuff. It's my problem.

It stops being just your problem when it starts affecting everyone around you. We care about you, Fish. I care about you. But I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct like this.

Then fuckin' don’t! Frankie had simply snapped at him.

It followed a heated argument, a threat of spilling over into the physical when Benny warned Frankie to leave, and held his brother back as Frankie cussed him out for interfering. He usually wouldn't talk to a friend like that, the way he so belittles himself at times, and he knows that Will meant well, somewhere in the recesses of his befuddled mind.

But that’s the cost of addiction, in the end you end up with nothing and no-one. 

In the aftermath of Will's expression of concern, an uncomfortable gap settled between them. It was a silence charged with the weight of unspoken truths, an acknowledgment of the growing distance that addiction was creating between Frankie and his friends. And Frankie left the bar that night to retreat into the safe confines of his own slow destruction.

In the depths of Frankie's life, an insidious force had taken root, spreading its tendrils like an unseen cancer. Addiction, the silent invader, had established its presence in the once quiet corners of his existence. It had started subtly, unnoticed - a small, hidden malignancy that grew and thrived beneath the surface.

The root of origin unknown, but the talking therapy he was forced to endure had convinced him that things had all finally gone to shit when Tom had died on that damned mission. The cherry on top of a mountainous cake of years and years of unresolved trauma carried over from his time in Delta Force.

Leaving behind the regimented world of Special Operations felt like stepping into an uncharted wilderness, once a bastion of discipline, had unfolded as a chapter of his life marked by growing solitude and abhorrent self-discovery. The decision to leave the elite forces wasn't an easy one, but it was one they all had embarked on together. Shit just got too dark. 

The camaraderie that had defined his military experience became a distant echo, replaced by the isolating silence of civilian life. The transition was akin to leaving the tight confines of his cockpit and soaring into the open sky, uncertain of the turbulence that awaited.

As Frankie navigated the challenging terrain of civilian life after leaving Special Ops, his reliance on the Veterans Affairs system for support became a crucial aspect of his journey. However, what he encountered was a bureaucratic landscape that often left him feeling more stranded than supported.

The VA proved to be nothing but a labyrinth of paperwork, long wait times, and un-clippable red tape. Despite his sincere efforts to seek help, Frankie found himself grappling with a system that seemed ill-equipped to address the complexities of his post-military challenges.

He couldn't help but lean into the bitterness at how easy Will and Benny seemed to have found the transition. On the outside, their lives seemed far more rosy compared to his. They had each other to lean on, after all.

The system that was supposed to provide a safety net for veterans transitioning back to civvy life became a stumbling block, adding an extra layer of complexity to Frankie's journey. In facing the inadequacies of the VA, Frankie discovered an unexpected coping mechanism of his own which seemed to work far better - cocaine. 

But it was one that spiralled out of control when he came back from Santi’s stupid mission that left him even more lost. In something he once dabbled in for a fun high now and again, albeit causing him to lose his license when he was caught smuggling it in for some extra bucks, soon became a daily habit that chipped away more pieces of him.

The bond that Frankie had sorely missed since leaving Special Ops seemed to rekindle in his connection with his sponsor Eddie for a while. Their alliance wasn't forged in the crucible of combat but in the shared struggles of recovery. The Special Ops ethos of "leave no-one behind" found new meaning in the context of addiction, and Eddie became the embodiment of that commitment.

But as Frankie delved deeper into the challenging journey of recovery, a subtle shift occurred in his relationship with Eddie. The once unwavering connection began to fray as Frankie found himself instinctively starting to avoid the very person who had been a crucial anchor in his battle.

The avoidance didn't happen overnight. It began with subtle excuses - a missed call here, an unattended meeting there. An extra shift in the workshop that soon piled on top of his already weakened shoulders. Frankie soon learned that if he kept busy, kept tinkering, kept his mind on something else other than the constant yammering thoughts about coke, then he wouldn't be tempted to give in.

Thus finding his own solution to his addiction, which was akin to slapping on a flimsy plaster over a deep gunshot wound - it would only be a matter of time before it fell off. 

I care about you. But I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct like this...

Will's words linger in Frankie's memory like an indelible mark besmirching all the memories that he'd filed away as once good. He shakes his head despondently as he recalls the concern that seems to have faded into ignorance now.

It feels like a long time since Frankie's heard Will’s voice or seen his face. He bites down on the inside of his cheek.

He finds loose change, a shit ton of lint, and his sobriety coin in his pocket too. A small but potent talisman, speaking volumes about the milestones he's conquered on his journey toward recovery, even if it feels like a lead weight in his pocket most of the time.

It nestles comfortably in the palm of his hand, a tangible reminder of the strength he’s summoned to break free from the chains of addiction, even if he doesn't know where that strength has come from. Frankie knows without a shadow of a doubt that he isn't strong. Never has been.

The coin, worn smooth by the constant touch of Frankie's fingers, bears the tactile evidence of countless reflections and countless moments of considering just throwing the towel in. It doesn't seem worth it in the quiet masochistic tendrils of his thoughts.

He squeezes it in his palm tightly, feeling the indents of it bore into his skin. Six months and what does he have to show for it? 

He runs his hand over the sparse layer of fluffy stubble covering his tired face, a physical manifestation of the days when self-care took a backseat to the relentless pursuit of an unyielding high, and he's just let it grow out now.

His jaw sets firm before shoving the coin back down into the trenches of his pockets and placing his bag in the spacious compartment above his head. 

Frankie sits back in his seat buckling up, and a peppy stewardess, doused in way too much perfume that makes the insides of his nostrils sting and itch as he inhales, approaches him and enquires about what he would like to drink immediately after take-off.

He orders a beer and a bottle of water and sits back staring down the aisle from his single, plush seat, people watching as the other passenger’s faff around with their laptops and briefcases as they fill up the cabin, which makes Frankie feel even more like he doesn’t belong, in his scuffed jeans and faded salmon shirt and worn in cap. 

As the plane begins to taxi, he looks out the window, watching the terminal and other aircraft pass by. The distant sound of luggage being loaded onto the conveyor belts and the low hum of the engines create a sense of morbid anticipation; a feeling that causes his fingers to shake as he balls them into a fist and takes a calming breath. 

The cabin lights dim slightly as the plane approaches the runway, and Frankie settles in, ready for the long, arduous journey ahead.

Hours later into the flight, Jude stirs in her seat with the heavy feeling swelling in her bladder again, and excuses herself to her fellow passenger, who is crunching loudly on the unbuttered crackers, so she can get up to pee.

Well aware that this is the fourth such instance and that she’s probably annoying the fuck out of the woman, but when you gotta go, you gotta go. 

The plane judders slightly as she makes her way towards the tiny cubicle that smells of stagnant piss. The mirrored panel above the sink reflects a condensed version of Jude’s image. She catches a glimpse of herself - perhaps a bit dishevelled from the hustle of the day's travels thus far - but something else lingers in her worn features. 

Her reflection is sleepy in the small mirror and the heat of her cheeks paramount as she’s been overheating in her sweater whilst snoozing. She removes it, leaving her in a flimsy t-shirt, and sits down on the toilet staring at her battered Chuck Taylors and thinking idly that it’s probably time for a new pair soon.

Washing up, she glances at her reflection again, revealing the innate vulnerability she’s been trying to hide that hits her. It’s been a minute, since the break-up, that she really stopped to take herself in.

Pronounced tears well up in her eyes. She leans against the cold, metal interior of the cubicle, her breath shaky and uneven. The subtle vibrations from the plane match the tremors of her own emotional upheaval as it pours out of her, seemingly from nowhere.

Vile images of her and Nate in happier times plague her thoughts like sharpshooters as it all crumbles away. It was all bullshit wrapped up in pretty crepe paper bows. 

The metallic surfaces seem to close in around her, mirroring the claustrophobic ache shoved in her chest where a heart once beat. Tears stream down her face, leaving streaks of mascara like war paint on her cheeks. The mirror, once a reflection of ordinary moments, now bears witness to the shattered remnants of her composure.

Jude’s hands tremble as she clutches at the sink, knuckles turning white with the force of her grip to stop her from collapsing onto the floor and screaming unrestrained like the toddler down the front of the cabin. 

Her body convulses with the force of her sobs as she throws her arm over her mouth to muffle them, fingers clenching into fists, nails biting into the palms of her hand. It's a gut-wrenching, primal expression of heartache, the kind that leaves no room for pretence or restraint.

The slow, tumultuous purging of that asswipe out of her blood. Or at least the start of it anyway. It pulses through her veins like poison. Disbelief, heartbreak, and the indignant rage that comes with the sting of betrayal flood through her limbs; a future paradise shattered into a million fragments as she envisions punching the mirror in - she can’t bear looking at her face anymore. 

The restroom seems to close in around her, mirroring the suffocation she felt when confronted with the undeniable truth fucking into another woman in their bed. A truth she had always known, but perhaps ignorance really was bliss for a while. 

And where has that got you?

With shaky determination, she wipes away the evidence of her breakdown, acutely aware that the scars of betrayal will linger long after the tears have dried, a harsh velocity of time she’ll have to endure and navigate through. 

Once back in her seat, her sweater stuffed in the overhead with her crushed bag, Jude glances out the window at the billowy dark gray clouds that are passing underneath the plane mirroring her own self-contempt. 

She sees lightning flashes pulse like a camera now and again and rolls her eyes with a deep lacerating sigh. The plane rumbles once more.

It better be fucking hot when we land...

She asks for a bottle of still water from the passing flight attendant to refresh her cottonmouth, but they return with sparkling instead. Before she can ask for another, the attendant disappears off, hurrying down the aisle out of sight, and she’s left to make do with a tight frown. 

Sparkling water tastes like licking TV static; such a pointless endeavour, but Jude drinks it anyway, the woman sitting next to her eyeing her oddly as she makes disgusted noises whilst swallowing it down.

Frankie sips at his third beer quietly as he watches a lame comedy film, that doesn’t even make him snicker once, on the screen to the right of his seat; his headphones plugged into it so only he can hear the sound.

He watches without any real enthusiasm, trying to pass the inevitable boredom that accompanies most of the commercial flights he’s endured in his life. 

He’s still feeling jangled and all manner of anxiousness swills around him about being somewhere hot and isolated sooner rather than later, so he can throw himself into some work with helicopters - which admittedly has been something he’s looked forward to since Dustin mentioned it - and to forget his troubles and woes for a short time. A rest and recharge of those Morales batteries that have been running on empty for a long time. 

His mind does that ominous thing of wandering into territories it shouldn't just to mess with him, and he realises he hasn’t heard from Carla at all since she’d left. He wonders if she had indeed been back to his apartment and cleared it of all her belongings; erasing herself from his life as though she was never there to begin with. 

He’d arranged with Benny to be there, albeit through short, clipped texts, to ensure she didn’t cut up his clothes or destroy his shit like some warped revenge fantasy that women harbour when they feel they’re slighted.

It seems weird to think of her now as merely an ex too. At one point Carla was his better half, he’s sure of it. The half of him that propped him up. Frankie engages in unspoken conversations with the ghosts of his past love. Imaginary dialogues played out in the confines of his mind, expressions of sentiments left unsaid.

And it still seems odd to put it together and work out where things had gone so drastically wrong between them to the point they had ended up so far off course.

But he knows why. Knows it’s him. It's all his fault. All she did was have the audacity to love and care for him, and that makes it all the worse somehow. 

He finishes his beer a little later, feeling slightly gassy as the bubbles rumble under his sternum, and it's soon cleared away by the pretty steward who offers him another, but he declines reaching for the bottle of water instead and holding in a fizzy belch inside his cheeks until she leaves. 

The plane jolts again; this time a little heavier and the steward grips the back of the seat in front of him to stay upright. The smile on her face reassures him it’s just normal turbulence and she then continues on her way with his empty beer bottle back down the aisle; his eyes drop to her ass absentmindedly, tightly bound in her skirt.

Frankie's just swallowed another mouthful of water when the plane judders harshly again and this time his stomach goes with it completely. The seat belt sign flashes on and he looks up at it and its faint yellowing light seems like it’s burning slowly into his retinas.

While Frankie maintains an outward appearance of relaxation, a mild concern lingers in the background. The rhythmic bumps of turbulence become a reminder of the unpredictable nature of the skies; a reality he’s intimately acquainted with from his days in the cockpit himself.

But his eyes, scanning the cabin for the reactions of fellow passengers, reflect a nuanced awareness of the situation. The subtle tightening of his grip on the armrest betrays the reflex of a seasoned aviator attuned to the gradations of flight, even when occupying a passenger's seat.

The plane shakes harshly again and the heavy, grating sound cuts through all rational thinking.

It takes him a moment to register the sounds of screaming, and the sensation that the plane is now descending - and descending real fast. 

Frankie looks down the aisle and sees the pretty steward with the ass on the floor in a heap before he’s blinded by the oxygen mask falling into his face. 

The seat belt sign flashes on and although Jude’s already buckled in tight, the passenger beside her stands up and heads off towards the toilet, she can only assume. There’s always one, isn’t there?

Sighing, she rests her head back against the headrest and shuts her eyes, letting the loud guitar riffs fill her ears. 

The unexpected jolting and commotion as though the plane is dipping forwards a mere few seconds later causes Jude to yank her ear buds out of her ears, one of them rolling out of her grip onto the floor, to be met with the sounds of screaming and hysteria. 

The heavy resonances of the turbines and engines whirring seem to shriek behind her at a deafening pitch, and the smell of aviation fuel and burning wafts into her nose sharply.

Jude pushes against the seat in front of her with both hands for support as the plane takes a nose-dive forward on a dangerous slant; a wayward drinks trolley shifts past her sight down the aisle, clattering and making a hell of a racket as it goes. 

The oxygen mask flaps in front of Jude’s face and she’s not sure how long it’s been there. She scrambles for it, panicking and fastening the elastic around the back of her head. Her fellow cracker addict is still nowhere to be seen. 

Jude glances quickly out the tiny window again and the sight of the ocean coming up fast is the last thing she sees before it all goes black. 

When a plane hits a body of water, it invariably breaks apart.

The fuselage splits, the wings crack, practically disintegrating for all intents and purposes, and the tail often breaks off completely. Essentially, it shatters fully on impact and often the fuel tanks will explode. 

When a plane hits water, an incompressible fluid, the water hits back at it and causes the aircraft to decelerate. That's all fine and dandy for the plane, but your body is still "flying" at the same speed as the plane was before it hit water, and well... objects inside the fuselage becoming embroiled in a kinetic tornado, are about to make you decelerate too, in a very violent way.

Let’s do the maths, shall we? The equation F=maF=ma simply means that for constant mass, FF is proportional to aa, and so a bigger aa also means a bigger FF. A bigger FF doesn't sound too good, does it?

Did you get that? No, me neither. Basically, you’re up shit creek without a paddle. 

Most passengers on the plane will die from blunt head trauma. If they’re lucky it will be quick. A quick bop and you’re gone bye-bye so to speak. Some will be fortunate enough to pass out before their inevitable death through sheer terror alone - lucky bastards. 

If you haven’t died before or after impact, your chances of survival then become bleaker as time wears on. Head trauma is the most common fatal blunt injury in a plane crash, followed by injuries to the chest and the abdomen.

Thirty-six per cent of head injuries, and twenty-seven per cent of chest injuries will have associated cervical and thoracic spine fractures, respectively. A slow, painful death would await you as you suffer from internal bleeding. And that’s before you drown. 

Remember, you’ve just crashed into the ocean, bub. 

It’s all very doom and gloom isn’t it? But Frankie’s flight is currently in pieces, some aflame, and he’s swimming against the current, equally difficult because the impact has created a swirling whirlpool that keeps trying to pull him under within the vicinity of the main body of the plane.

His long arms are striding away and he splutters and coughs as he’s pulled under constantly despite being an adept swimmer. 

His skin is burning around his neck; he can see a slick, shimmering gloop mixing in the water’s surface all around him and the stench of aviation fuel and barbecued skin fills his nostrils. 

He turns back to see the water literally on fire, and is convinced he can hear some distant screams for help, before he dives under and swims away from the fires before he burns up with them. 

His ears are ringing, his sight is blinded continually by water splashing over his face whenever he surfaces for air, and as he swims away to a safe distance, that’s when the shock bites into his body and begins the slow onslaught of trying to drown him. 

The freezing stab of the water is what rouses Jude awake and she’s still fastened in her seat; the water pooling at her ankles, soaking into her battered Converse and rising.

She’s unaware at first that blood is blinding her right eye, as she rips off the oxygen mask and claws at her seat belt to unbuckle it frantically. 

Oh God! Oh God! Oh Shit!

Jude glances across the aisle and half of the cabin is missing; she gasps out as she can see a couple of the passengers slumped over in their seats, but the rest of them are gone.

She can no longer hear the screaming toddler piercing her ears.

The water is rising fast and is covering her thighs now. She stands up on jellified legs and rushes to the passenger opposite and tries shaking him awake, but he’s unresponsive. 

She tries another, but it’s fruitless. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows they’re already gone, but it takes her body a moment to catch up. She wipes at her face and the slick, ruby red that coats her palm panics her further as she observes her trembling hand that now looks like she’s wearing a scarlet coloured latex glove. 

But there’s no time to dwell on the root of that blood loss now; the water is already up to her hips.

She wades towards the side of the fuselage in big, quick strides, climbing over seats with limp bodies strapped into them, and takes a deep breath before she jumps into the water on the other side of the gaping tear in the cabin. 

Jude cries out as she feels something sharp rip at the back of her calf as she plops ungracefully into the water and begins to swim away, grunting and gasping with sheer terror. 

Swim! Swim, come on!

She can smell burning and turns back momentarily to see flames on the water in the distance making the horizon wobbly and opaque through the smoke. She tries to call out for help, but she’s certain no-one is alive to hear her; her mouth keeps filling with rancid sea water as she splashes about frantically.

Jude bobs around on the ocean’s surface, her arms and legs kicking and keeping her afloat and calling out again for help. She shouts as loudly as she can, but is met with no response. 

Whimpering, she latches onto a nearby piece of scorched debris and clings onto it for dear life. She wipes her face again and more blood rinses off in her hand. She feels all around her head and the searing pain makes itself known at the top side of her right temple in her hair line, just above her ear. 

Shit!

Bewildered and panicking further in the process, Jude tries to scan the horizon behind her to see if there is anything, anyone; a hint of land perhaps that she can swim towards.

The thought of barely floating here on the ocean’s surface holding onto a small piece of rubble to keep her suspended births all sorts of nightmarish outcomes that her brain processes in a quick blur; the most notable being a shiver of sharks circling her below because they can smell her blood from miles away.

Her body is buffeted by the currents, causing her to grip onto the makeshift float desperately until she can't feel her fingers anymore, but the numbness doesn’t register.

Her heart races, pounding against her chest. In the midst of the chaos, a primal instinct for survival kicks in. She scans the vast ocean, searching for signs of rescue, grappling with the overwhelming uncertainty of her situation.

The taste of salt on her lips, the sting of the wind against her face, and the weight of her own mortality converge in a disorienting mix of sensations that render her still, frozen in her own paralysis of fear.

There’s nothing as far as the eye can see; absolutely nothing at all except for the burning plane wreckage that makes Jude’s wide eyes glow in terror.

To be continued...

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Thank you for taking the time to read my story; it really means so much to me. I'd love to know your thoughts, and I'd really appreciate a re-blog so others can enjoy this story too. Thank you so much 🖤

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TAGLIST: If you'd like to be added/removed, please let me know.

Tagging everyone who asked to be tagged/commented on/re-blogged my initial teaser & prologue:

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[st4rgzer]

FLIGHT TICKETS (nathan doe)

summary: you miss your brothers and Nate tries to help you in the best way he knows how

genre: FLUFFFLUFF

cw!: mentions of missing your brothers…?

a/n: i think this was requested by @iha8you i think

“hey you know who we haven’t seen in a while?” i say, with my legs rested on his lap, we’re both laying on the couch, watching a cheesy rom-com only I enjoy.

“who?” he asks, diverting his gaze from the movie and onto me.

“my brothers, now that they’re internet famous and living in LA, we haven’t seen them since like, august” I sit up so I can look at him better, placing the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.

“yeah you’re right” he thought for a moment, given the 5 hour plane ride would take at least ‘some’ planning to do. “do you wanna call ‘em and see if we can plan to go there?” nate says before picking up the remote and pausing the movie. He gets out his phone before my response to see the earliest flights available.

“yeah but babe, calm down, we don’t have to do this like, right now” I say, laughing a little bit. Living so far away from my brothers hasn’t been the easiest so Nate was always there for me when they couldn’t be, so he sometimes overdoes it with these things, but i don’t mind, the majority of the time….(foreshadowing the“puppy love”fic im working on…)

“but- you’ve been talking ‘bout how you miss them lately, with all the christmasy stuff and all” he says, grabbing my hand reassuringly. He never liked seeing me sad, he knew that christmas meant a lot to me and to not have them around for all the pre-christmas traditions wasn’t nice. He also missed them, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“i know, i know. But we really don’t have to think about this today, we’ll get the flights tomorrow, lets just finish the movie first m’kay?” I pleaded, squeezing his hand and smiling at him, trying to not get him to rush on making decisions.

“finee” he sighed, caving in “but I don’t even like the movie…” he muttered under his breath.

“what d’ya say?” i asked, turning my head to him with a half joking, questioning look.

“….nothing…?” he mumbled with a grin on his face, trying to hide the fact that he tried to say he didn’t like to watch “ten things i hate about you” for the 10th time, which he did enjoy of course, but just cause it was with me.

I let him off easily and just grinned, rolling my eyes at him, and curling up besides him, snaking an arm around my waist and bringing me in.

A while later, as I was drifting off to sleep, he took out his phone, quickly bringing the brightness down to not disturb me, and opening up “skyscanner” he typed up “boston-los angeles flights” and got looking, I peered open my eye just a bit and smiled when I saw him looking cautiously through the flight info, eventually putting in his credit card information and turning his phone off. God he was stubborn but I couldn’t help but melt at his determination to make me smile.

“i love you” I whispered beside him, eyes closed, a smile still on my face, he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek in response and turned the volume on the tv down.

I guess we’re going to LA?

a/n: sorry this was short bbg @iha8you

taglist: @dwntwn-strnlo @iha8you @gabbylovesreading @slaysturniolo @stvrni0lo @sturniolol @stvrniolo @20nugs @partoftoofuckinmanyfandoms @ifilwtmfc

#nathan doe fanfic #nathan doe #nathan doe x reader #fanfic

[softgaycontent]

 Parker’s Autistic Traits

In list form because I love lists; episode references and additional details under the cut. Everyone with ASD has a different grab bag of traits, and I wanted to note down Parker’s.

Parker is canonically autistic, from multiple word-of-god sources. One in particular I’d like to note is a tweet from John Rogers, who said she was originally “in the direction” of having autism, but it was Beth Riesgraf’s decision to play Parker that way, and they “wrote to her performance”. Many examples below are definitely actor-driven. 

Struggles with social skills and a lack of real friendships through her life, but eventually connects strongly with a small group of people she considers family

Mimics social cues from others, including jokes she may not understand, body language, physical contact

Often has a straightforward way of talking; occasionally says things considered rude or not appropriate to the situation by others

Takes literal interpretations of statements, and sometimes has trouble understanding information taken out of context

Generally non-expressive or makes facial expressions not expected of a situation

Naturally avoids eye contact

Particular about touch

Special interest in types of safes & security, valuable art and items, other theft-related information

Stims by picking small locks she carries around with her, smelling things, organizing items, repeating words/phrases, and clenching her hands

Frustrated by unexpected changes to plans or her own expectations / Distracted by questions or expectations that she feels are unresolved

Gets attached to routines and traditions— ranging from seating arrangements (personal) to “Let’s steal a [blank]” (team)

Sensory issues (eg loud noise and clothing texture)

Low empathy / difficulty with empathy

When upset, may become increasingly curt or stop talking, as well as notably physically tense and disruptive

Favorite food is by far and obviously cereal, which she eats frequently and stocks boxes of the same type at both her own home and Leverage HQ

Examples + Episode Titles

Struggles in social situations

There are examples throughout the show of Parker struggling with social skills, and Sophie teaching her tips to grift, make friends, or understand others (notable episode: The Juror #6 Job)

Hardison creates a flashcard system for Parker to grift with, which she also uses for help with personal social interactions (The Rollin’ on the River Job)

Believes Hardison is the first person to have truly understood her (The Muddy Waters Job)

Mimics social cues from others

After the team mocks Nate for buying a car as a part of his “mid-life crisis”, Parker repeats the phrase in a way that implies she does not really understand the joke, but doesn’t want to be left out (The Homecoming Job)

After both Hardison and Eliot call Tara “hot”, Parker joins in, surprised when they react differently to her saying it (The Runway Job)

Monica Hunter grabs Parker around the arms, likely to stop her from leaving. Later, Parker grabs Monica in the same, odd way, likely because she believes this is a form of contact that Monica likes, since she did it first. (The Three Days of the Hunter Job)

Parker mirrors people’s body language from time to time (examples: on the MRI machine in The Snow Job, with Archie in The Last Damn Job)

Often speaks in a straightforward manner, or says things considered rude or not appropriate to the situation

Throughout the show, Parker tends to say things pretty directly, and occasionally finds things funny that others find distasteful or confusing

Straightforwardness examples: Tells a woman someone’s trying to kill her, without sugarcoating it (The Mile High Job); “She was naked.” (The Maltese Falcon); talking about Nate’s alcoholism directly (recurrent); Points out to Peggy that she told Parker a secret, which means they’re friends (The Juror #6 Job); + many less notable instances of Parker’s straightforward word choice compared to other characters

Considered rude/inappropriate: Tells a client she doesn’t trust her either and laughs at a kid’s allergy because she finds it ironic (The Fairy Godparents Job); tells a woman her grandbaby looks like a dog as a joke (The Juror #6 Job); Laughs when Sophie asks her about the death of her father (The Snow Job)

Takes things literally

Is a thief.  ..... ;)

Mistakenly believes Nate wants her to hit someone after he asks her to start a “fight”; he later promises to be more clear, and use the word “argument” next time, acknowledging that he should have known Parker would be confused (The Lonely Hearts Job)

Not completely sure if she’s using air quotes properly, asks Hardison to teach her (The Beantown Bailout Job)

Gets caught up in the nonsensicality of the expression, “Reindeer Games” (The Runway Job)

Sophie and Harry jump to clarify to Parker that they’re going to only metaphorically burn something to the ground, to which she expresses disappointment (The Double Edged Sword Job)

Solves Nate’s algebra problem for him, which he had only said as a way to rib at Hardison (The Runway Job)

Initially expects a fiddle to be involved in the fiddle con (The Studio Job)

Doesn’t clock that noises she heard in an office were people having sex; John Rogers claims on his blog that it’s because she didn’t expect to hear them in that context. Not a fan of this joke, but noting it for the intention of establishing that Parker sometimes struggles when things are taken out of context. (The Underground Job) 

Generally non-expressive

Visual; every episode, including childhood flashbacks

Has traumatic memories of people being upset with her for not smiling as a child (The Stork Job)

“I’ve never seen her change her expression before.” (Sophie, The Two Horse Job deleted scene)

“[Parker showed] A feeling. Seemed like a human one.” (Tara, The Runway Job)

Her social worker used to do exercises with her to help her identify and name how she was feeling (The Toy Job)

Naturally avoids eye contact 

Among Sophie’s index cards, pinned to help Parker learn social skills, is “Eye Contact” (The Juror #6 Job)

It’s hard to see whether or not Parker is making eye contact most of the time, due to the way that things are filmed, but you can see her eyes moving uncomfortably to and away from the “bank robber" father as he pleads with her to help him (The Bank Shot Job)

Another example is Parker asking Hardison if she did air quotes correctly, where you can see her make eye contact with him for a second before continuing the conversation with her gaze a little lower, towards his collar (The Beantown Bailout Job)

In her first conversation with McSweeten, in the FBI van, she is standing close to him, but seems to look him in the face very little, looking instead at his shirt or casually around the van (The Wedding Job)

You can see Parker looking away as she gives her fake backstory in the rehab clinic (The 12 Step Job). Sophie asks her to “share with the group, and not the floor” and that “eye contact is the gateway to communication”. Seeing as she is taking the chance to prod Nate for real behaviors she has a problem with, I see this as Sophie taking her chance to bring up a pattern of behavior that she wants Parker to correct, as well.

Sophie mentions that she taught Parker social skills such as “relating to people” and public speaking; one of her notes included “eye contact” (The Office Job)

Particular about touch

Finds it difficult to control her [violent] reaction when touched by strangers (mostly men, though she doesn’t like strange women touching her either). Parker is aware of this and worries she will ruin cons. [Could instead or also be related to PTSD.] (The Stork Job, The Ice Man Job, The Morning After Job) 

Does not often initiate hugs, and when she does, teammates are usually surprised (The Maltese Falcon Job, The 12 Step Job, The Long Way Down Job)

Prefers short or light physical contact like sitting next to people, handshake-high-fives, shoulder punches, etc. (The Three Days of Hunter Job, The Long Way Down Job)

Special Interest in theft (activity & history) / security & safes / valuable art & artifacts

Excited to talk about the extensive information she has collected on security systems, and says it’s how she spends her weekends. Embarrassed when she thinks she’s being judged for sharing. (The Three Card Monte Job)

Passionate about different types of safes, especially unique or particularly difficult to crack kinds (The Grave Danger Job, The Great Train Job, etc)

Goes to museums and on vacations just to look at security systems, even when she has no intention of stealing (The Zanzibar Market Job)

Becomes aware that she doesn’t have “normal” hobbies or interests, and asks her friends to teach her how to like [other] things. (The French Connection Job)

Stims visibly at the thought of burgling 8 museums in one day (The Too Many Rembrandts Job)

Some stims I’ve noticed: 

Picking small locks she carries around with her (repeatedly mentioned in the DVD commentaries by John Rogers, who compares it to knitting. He probably mentions it because it was not as visual as he intended.)

Smelling things, like money, people, etc (money in The Homecoming Job, the Ho Ho Ho Job, The Paranormal Hacktivity Job; Maggie and Tara in The Second David Job, The Lost Heir Job, an orange in The Juror #6 Job, etc)

Sorting and lining up things, like money (The Ho Ho Ho Job), spoons and pieces of her rig (The Inside Job)

Parker repeats words/phrases from time to time, such as “Intern Parker” (The Corkscrew Job), Sophie’s name (The Jailhouse Job), “Don’t Stab.” (The Morning After Job)

She clenches her hands and shakes in excitement at the idea of burgling 8 museums in one day (The Too Many Rembrandts Job)

She loves to hang from her rig [the ultimate stim], and multiple Leverage HQs are selected to accommodate this (The (Very) Big Bird Job, The Too Many Rembrandts Job)

Rocks aggressively in her recliner while stuck at home with an injury (The Broken Wing Job)

Frustrated by changes to expectations and plans / distracted by unresolved questions (these feel all grouped somehow in my mind)

Gets so mad at Nate’s repeated changes to the con in The Snow Job that Eliot has to drag her out of the room

Disappointed that the con changed and Nate didn’t let her continue cracking the lawyer’s safe, a part of the original plan (The Lost Heir Job)

Can’t let go of the disappointment that she never saw an emerald when they visited Emerald Island (The Cross My Heart Job), even though there was no emerald involved

Insists on continuing conversations that people fail to answer for her, even when they may not be that important (eg the Reindeer conversation in The Runway Job)

Parker jumps off the building on Nate’s original countdown in the pilot, probably ignoring the fact that he started over (The Nigerian Job)

She complains to Archie that the Leverage team is not very disciplined (The Inside Job)

Attached to routines and traditions

Is flustered and unable to participate in the briefing because Sophie normally sits next to her on the couch, and now no one is, which feels wrong (The Ice Man Job)

Insists on completing the traditional “Let’s go steal a [blank]” format, and corrects others when she thinks it hasn’t been done correctly (The Boiler Room Job (particularly), The Long Way Down Job, The Too Many Rembrandts Job, The Panamanian Monkey Job, The Lonely Hearts Job, etc)

Insists that Nate specifically say the words, “will you marry me”, when he is proposing to Sophie (The Long Goodbye Job)

Has sensory issues

“Oh I hate business clothes. They make me feel so starchy.” (Parker, The Tower Job)

Arguably, her criticism of the clothes Eliot was trying to pick out for her to fake being a model (The Runway Job)

Her primary reaction to Hardison inviting her to a robot fight is that it seems like it will be very loud (The Girls’ Night Out Job)

Wearing the heavy boots made Parker repeatedly and visibly upset, which seemed like sensory overload. She asks Hardison to hum to calm her. (The Queens Gambit Job)

Related/Uncategorized: Sometimes hears music/sounds that others can’t (unclear whether the sounds always actually exist), as evidenced by her surprise that Hardison can hear quiet music (The 10 Lil Grifters Job). On his blog (for the same episode discussion), John Rogers says, “[Parker] hears... things all the time. She also sees things a little differently.” The ability to hear and/or inability to ignore certain sounds is a common trait in ASD. Less commonly, auditory hallucinations can also be a trait of ASD.

Low empathy / difficulty with empathy

“It’s also this whole thing about she wants to do the right thing and trying to understand what the right thing is.“ -Dean Devlin; “Most shows have someone who’s just trying to do the right thing, we actually have a character who’s not sure what that is yet.” -John Rogers (episode commentary, The Long Way Down Job)

Nate and Sophie send Parker to jury duty as practice for “consider[ing] other people’s point of view” (The Juror #6 Job)

“Look, she thought she was doing the right thing, which means she actually thought about what the right thing might be, which is huge for Parker.“ (-Sophie, The Boost Job)

Uses Nate, Sophie, and Hardison as a guide to morality, upset when she can’t follow their example and return the mountain climber to his wife (The Long Way Down Job)

References the team’s influence when deciding to return to steal the Blight, a move which surprises Archie (The Inside Job)

Speaks less when upset

After the man running the orphanage scam triggers her PTSD, Parker stops talking entirely [+stabs and runs] (The Stork Job)

When they free Hardison from the coffin, Parker is the only one who does not run up to hug him, and is not seen speaking to him again, presumably too overwhelmed (The Grave Danger Job)

When experiencing sensory overload by the heavy shoes, Parker grows very physically tense and more curt (The Queens Gambit Job); she is calmed by Hardison humming

Related note: Parker seems to know at least a small amount of sign language, which she uses while presenting her greeting card ideas to a room of people (The Office Job)

Food likes / issues

Parker’s favorite food is [a specific brand of] cereal, which she stocks in bulk at her home, as well as Leverage HQ, for easy access, eating it frequently (The Beantown Bailout Job, The Inside Job, etc)

She seems to also enjoy chocolate a lot, although this may just be a joke about Parker liking exclusively sugary foods (The Boiler Room Job)

Parker claims to not like food other than chocolate and donuts. She asks Eliot to help her appreciate food, after seeing that cooking is something he cares about. (The French Connection Job)

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to reblog or reply with any other character traits / episode moments you read as being tied to her ASD, or share any headcanons you have for her. ^_^

Note: Parker is Fictional, so everything about her was a choice made either by writers or her actress. The writers seemed to be writing her intentional neurodivergence  in 3 categories:

1. Multiple sources do confirm that Beth and at least certain writers were portraying her as autistic on purpose; regardless of intention, that is how she comes across.

2.  Parker had a traumatic childhood, so certain behaviors I listed above could have been intended (by writers/Beth) as PTSD / adverse childhood reactions, not particularly ASD.

3. Some writers absolutely threw in traits not mindfully connected with any specific neurodivergency or mental illness, but instead were jokes about Parker being “crazy” or odd.

Despite the 3rd point, Parker is multi-faceted and treated with respect by the show, and is generally regarded as a significant positive portrayal of a ND character. (though complaints for certain choices are valid)

#parker #leverage #parker leverage #leverage redemption #asd #please add any you'd like #this may say as much about me as it does parker #for writing all of this #op #infodump

[kalinara]

I’ve thought about this a lot, and it occurs to me that I don’t think Ted’s problem is that he doesn’t get angry or needs to learn that not everyone has to be forgiven.

Because we already HAVE someone that Ted is angry at, someone that Ted doesn’t forgive:

His father.

Ted Lasso has never forgiven his father.  And we can see that in so many ways:

1) His refusal to go to the funeral.  That was a child’s decision, of course, but we can hear it in the way he talks about it now.  The rapid speech, the sharp note in his voice.  “Because he quit.”

2) The whole thing about quitting.  Ted Lasso doesn’t quit.  It’s a big motif.  For the most part, it’s a positive one (see: Sharon using it to motivate him), but it can get him trapped in a hopeless spiral (see: Michelle).

3) The darts monologue with Rupert.  Curiosity vs. judgment.   Per Ted, a truly curious man would have asked “Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?”

Thing is, and I can’t believe I’m defending Rupert.  But he DID ask Ted a SIMILAR question.  He asked, “Do you like darts?”

But that was the wrong question.  Because Ted’s answer is a very ambivalent “eh, they’re okay.”

When you think about it, does that emotional reaction fit with everything that comes after?  The folksy anecdote?  The softly fond reveal of playing darts every Sunday from age 10 to 16 in a Sports Bar with his father?

Unless the darts aren’t exactly a happy memory, not anymore.

5) Henry’s name.  This is something that’s haunted me for some time.  That bit in Goodbye Earl when Ted tells us about the dog that bit him.  About the dog he kept, until it died.  That dog is Hank.

Hank is a diminutive of Henry.  

If we take Ted’s anecdote at face value then, Ted had a parent die in his adolescence.  One he clearly did love.  And he named his son after the dead dog instead.  

So yeah, I think Ted has absolutely never forgiven his father.  And that’s the crux of his problem now.

Folks have said that the series really should have made Henry 19.  It would easily fit in Ted’s timeline, and wouldn’t read as much like Ted’s abandoning his son...

Except think about it for a second.  When do kids usually read Johnny Tremain?  Fourth grade?  Fifth?  When they’re about ten years old?

How old was Ted when his dad started (from his perspective) prioritizing his friends over his son?

When did Ted’s father START playing darts with him every Sunday?  

Is Ted really abandoning his son?  I don’t really think so.  But Ted thinks so.  And why does Ted think so?  Because young Ted thought so.  Ted has never forgiven his father, so he can’t forgive himself either.

And that’s what makes it particularly ironic that these fans who say Ted shouldn’t have to “forgive everyone”, and by “everyone”, they mean Nate.  Not Rebecca, not Trent.  Nate.

And the thing about Nate is that Nate is Ted’s son too.  Not literally, but everything in the first and second season built that symbolic relationship.  From Ted noticing him and uplifting him.  Buying him his first suit.  Taking him as his plus one for the Gala.  Including him in the Diamond Dogs.  All of it.

Hell, even Nate’s name.  “Nate”.  “Nate the Great”.  Nate’s real father only ever calls him Nathan.  (Oh, and isn’t there a fascinating comparison between “Wonder Kid” and “Nate the Great”?  Ted has NEVER to my recollection EVER called him the “Wonder Kid”.)

Nate’s anger at Ted is real.  He feels that Ted abandoned him, and he has some justification in that.  Ted was so wrapped up in his own issues that he missed that Nate needed help.  He did (accidently) insult and undermine Nate a few times, in ways that I’d like to think the more alert Ted of Season One would have caught and avoided/mitigated.

But at least SOME of Nate’s anger at Ted is really misdirected anger at his actual father.  This is what causes Nate to believe the worst of Ted, without really any basis.  Is Ted really dismissing Nate’s contributions?  No, of course not.  He’s very quick to credit him.  But Nate hears his father’s cold dismissal deeper in his heart.  The absence of Nate’s picture has nothing to do with dislike, that picture is on his mantle next to Henry’s picture!  That’s how IMPORTANT Nate is to Ted!  But Nate doesn’t know that, and he has no reason to expect that.  And it’s really really sad.

If Ted and Nate never reconcile than what does this mean for Ted?  It means he’s failed a son.  It means he’s failed a son just like he’d been failed.  It means that he’s failing TWO sons.  He needs this reconciliation with Nate as much, if not more, than Nate himself does.  Is Nate’s deed unforgiveable?  Maybe, it’d be to a stranger.  Maybe even to a friend.  But is it unforgiveable to a FATHER?

No.  A parent’s love is (supposed to be) unconditional.  Of course, he will forgive Nate.  Nate’s already BEEN forgiven.  But if they can reconcile...in a way that Ted cannot and will never be able to be reconciled with his father?

I think that would do more good for Ted than any “learning it’s okay not to forgive” lesson ever would.

#ted lasso #theodore lasso #nate shelley #this did turn into a nate defense post after all #but there you go

[lunar-years]

okay. at risk of being too harsh on Ted...

I genuinely do not think he's a very good coach. And I do not mean that just in the obvious "well he doesn't even know anything about the sport he's head coach for" way, even though like, yeah, duh that really is a crucial point. I mean it in like, he's genuinely not as good at managing and delegating and working alongside his fellow coaches! The way he acts and the ways he manages the team so rarely feels...collaborative? I've been thinking about it a lot after reading posts from other blogs about how he constantly brushes off/ignores Beard's advice and also sends Jamie mixed messages and stuff and it's like. YEAH. It's all very "Ted makes the final decision" about everything and that's deeply goofy because Ted literally knows the least about the game out of all of them!!

We see him ignoring Beard's advice to bench Roy, and ignoring that Beard is actually trying to help the team win, as it is their job to do, until Beard finally snaps at him in s1. When he decides to reject Jamie he doesn't pause to consider it or discuss it with anyone, and even afterwards when he does have the coaches "take a vote" it feels...very performative? Like no matter what they said, it was always going to be Ted's decision in the end, and if they disagreed with what he'd already decided he wanted to do, he was just going to do it anyway.

Then he gets in Jamie's head about being a team player and passing the ball a to the point where it's actually hindering Jamie's role on the team and the strength of his performance. And even though Roy recognizes that, rather than going to Ted about it and making different suggestions, he comes up with the whole signal thing which in hindsight sort of feels...very much like Roy trying to package his complaint in a way that will be digestible to Ted's approval? Like, "oh we'll give him the signal so he doesn't feel bad about playing the way we need him to play. but ONLY when we give him the sign don't worry we'll still control it!" Instead of just being like Ted, look, I don't think your strategy for Jamie works at all and here's what we need to do instead.

It almost feels like none of the assistant coaches really feel comfortable questioning Ted's judgement...because he doesn't foster a space for them that welcomes that kind of feedback from them. Even with the Zava thing, he doesn't listen to Jamie, and Roy and Beard don't question it, BUT Roy offers to individually coach Jamie. Because Roy knows what's happening with Zava is bullshit, and he'd rather pull Jamie aside and deal with the problem himself in the way that he can, rather than talk to the head coach about how it's bullshit. And the ONE time Beard and Roy go off and try something against Ted's wishes (showing the Nate video), it massively backfires and they scramble over themselves to apologize while Ted feels even more vindicated in never valuing their input. It's like a never ending cycle of bad management. and the WORST part is that Ted will TELL them he wants to know their thoughts and hear their strategies, but then he doesn't follow it or he just goes off and does his own thing, so it results in like...a level of unintentional condescension, I think.

At the end of the day, I do not think Ted has bad intentions or is going into this stuff intending to walk over the other coaches, but it happens because his purpose and goal for the team is fundamentally misaligned with what the other coaches value. Ted wants to make the team better by changing the culture at Richmond (at least until he checks out and loses interest in even that) and Beard & Roy (& Nate) want to focus on helping them win matches. I also DO think there's something in all of this that could have been a very compelling major factor in Nate's downward s2 spiral. I've always said that to me the most lackluster part of Nate's arc was not his redemption but his downfall--which had a basis that was severely under-explored onscreen. When he leaked Ted's panic attacks, it felt so severe and sudden a leap because there wasn't enough to back up Nate's headspace throughout the season, even thought the basis is THERE. The foundation for Nate feeling ignored as a coach and having his input constantly undervalued is THERE. They just don't ever let the characters properly explore it, or god forbid allow Ted to reckon with how he's ostracized all of his coaches to some extent.

#ted lasso #roy kent #ch: ted lasso #coach beard #nate shelley #ted lasso critical #i do not consider this a hate post but i'm gonna add the anti tag to be safe #anti ted lasso #basically I don’t want to take up a character tag with criticism

[squivulous]

My Podcast Masterlist

I have a long commute, giving me two hours a day to listen to podcasts. Here is my documentation of all the audio dramas I’ve consumed plus a little blurb. I just wanted to organize them in a list and also (selfishly) get recommendations if anyone would be so kind. Or maybe you’ll see something that’ll interest you. Enjoy!

Podcasts I’m Caught Up With

The Penumbra Podcast: I’ve made an animatic for this one. I’m down bad. This is the one that sucked me into this podcast world.

Malevolent: Arthur dating sim when??? Everyone wants him. Also it took me way too long to find out it was an actual play podcast.

Red Valley: Gordon fan all the way. Normally I do like the Sad Boy but Gordon is that type of dorky that makes me want to protect him.

Caravan: Interesting world and love a main character that makes questionable decisions. Everything is going to be fine :)

WOE.BEGONE: I’m obsessed. It happened slowly but now I think about it every day… And the music is so good! Mike Walters is cringefail, bbygurl, easy to manipulate, and saws his left arm off at the shoulder.

The Cellar Letters: Legit gets me spooked at times. Steve and Nate are good vibes. I’m sure glad nothing ever happens to them.

Harbor: Love that Sam being a malewife ruined his life.

Rifted: Aurora, another Sad Boy to add to my collection. Daniel should give him a kiss to make him feel better.

Heroics: Pls come back some day… I need more Josh. He’s in his slay era.

Second Fiddles: Max is owning being a bbygurl. Also there are a lot of poop jokes which is weird but I’ll look past it.

Hand in Glove: idk anything about baseball but these baseball players are smoochinggg.

Find Us Alive: Lancaster in booty jorts. It's canon. Don't look it up. I'm right. ALSO HE NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM PLS.

The Kingmaker Histories: The kiss is still the subject of much historical debate. Eisen <3

The Viridian Wild: It hasn’t been updated since 2021 but I still have hope.

Dos: After You: Ghosting GONE WRONG

Brimstone Valley Mall: SEASON TWO IS COMING. 90’s mall setting is really fun and I’m here for the thing Asmoraius and Trent have going on.

Levian: It starts off with a bang! Well not quite since his sister walks in oops. Excited to see where this pirate tale takes us.

Midnight Burger: Each episode is a delight and as someone who is bad at science, I appreciate Gloria and Caspar. Caspar pls stay forever and also Brodie <3

Return Home: I’m really listening to it for Buddy and DW.

Raythe Reign: Sometimes you need a yaoi.

The White Vault: At this point, I know what I’m getting into and yet still decide to get attached to these characters

The Amelia Project: Please don’t hurt the Interviewer! He’s too goofy for all this drama. I’m scared!

Fawx & Stallion: James Stallion being canonically hot in any situation is such a win

Victoriocity: Inspector Fleet has had a long week and needs some days off

Yokai Detective Agency: I’m always a sucker for detective stories and I’m looking forward to where this one is going

Desert Skies: Charming characters and love that the plot has a nice pace, not dragging things out

The Grotto: the music is so good but also please help. The emotional turmoil is torrential.

Camlann: Yo…. Dai, for real???

Podcasts I’ve Completed

Dash: This might not be completed? This is actually the first audio drama I finished. Classic noir but supernatural and boys are smooching!

The Two Princes: This was wholesome and had good vibes. I prefer the first season but it was still a fun time.

The Magnus Archives: Arrived late to the party on this one, but I love all the fanart. Awakened my interest in pathetic men.

EOS 10: I also am not 100% sure this is done but I enjoyed the shenanigans!

Wolf 359: Eiffel, my beloved. I liked the silly and dramatic parts of this story. It hurt my soul but it was worth it :)

Time:Bombs: noahdeaart's fanart made me think this was going in a different direction... Still a fun one!

Valence: Love this one WAAAAHHH! Pls listen. I love Nico. Sad Boy but hides it under their chaos energy.

The Bright Sessions: I would 1005% listen to a spin-off just about Mark. This Sad Boy keeps collecting trauma and I need to see him and Oliver maybe go on adventures or something. ANYTHING.

Roommates: I, too, had a pandemic college experience. It's kinda bizarre that there's already a story about that and I love it!

Look Up: Wholesome. Briggon Snow kept me fed.

Moonface: Appreciate having an audio drama from an Asian American perspective. Didn’t realize how much I needed that.

Murray Mysteries: Must protect Jonathan.

Kaleidotrope: More wholesome content. I got more into it by the second half. The hosts have a fun dynamic!

Re: Dracula: Still thinking about Inside You.

Wooden Overcoats: Rudyard is my fav. Chapman deserves the hate.

The Vanishing Act: this Rudyard wasn’t my fav. I was happy to listen to him suffer but also happy when he fell in love. A win for Griffson!

Greater Boston: Michael Tate <3

Ars Paradoxica: Nikhil Sharma <3

Podcasts I’m Catching Up On

Life with Althaar: I knew that plant lady was sus

The Night Post: Ashley……

Love and Luck: I’m on ep 87 now some magical things are going down

Going Lowbrow: I wasn’t expecting a musical but I’m not complaining.

SAYER: There are no bees on Typhon :)

WTNV: I got behind during high school and now I’m too scared to get caught up… one day. It's been so long at this point I think I'd need to start over.

BRASS: I fell behind on episodes :(

Not Quite Dead: If there are vampires, I'm automatically interested. Only a few eps in.

Hi Nay: I’m listening to Murphy respectfully.

Podcasts I’ve Dropped

Moonbase Theta Out

Dreamboy

Archive 81

The Sheridan Tapes

Jar of Rebuke

I’ll keep this updated every so often. Most of these I’ve found either from scouring rec lists or seeing nice fanart.

Please let me know of any recommendations you may have! Thanks for reading if you got this far. Mad respect.

Last updated: 04/14/24

#podcasts #podcast recs #audio drama #squiv speaks #I didn't know I listened to this many

[jackiequick]

Random question— Any celebrity and or fictional character you would go on a date in a heartbeat?

Omg @gaminggirlsstuff idk how I missed this?! 😱

Idk about celebrity but fictional characters I would go on a date with? That’s a cross between Young Eric Matthews from Boy Meets World and Nate from Gossip Girl.

I always found Eric to be my favorite lovable idiot, he was total in love with Jack just as much as he was with Rachel, but overall he was an amazing big brother with such a huge heart. He’s smart in his own way, learns and lost a lot, relatable when it comes to his way of decisions making and he deserves a lot.

So heck yeah i’ll go on a date with Eric Matthews, I would also tell him to go on a date with Jack later 😂

Throwing the question back to you guys, who would go date in a heartbeat?

No pressure tag list: @gcthvile @mallowbee4 @meiramel @missstrawbs2001 @mandylove1000 @sherloquestea @whitewiccan @rooster-84 @blueboirick and etc

#boy meets world #eric matthews #eric x jack #eric matthews x reader #answered asks #ask me anything

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Oh, look, more Ted Lasso 3.1 thoughts

So many. Let's go to the bullet points:

Rebecca thinking she's fine about the whole Rupert and Nate thing and clearly NOT being okay with it to the point of wanting Ted to be an asshole in response to Nate, but then, when Ted is Ted, Rebecca's realization comes from Keeley PRAISING her for a decision she didn't even make. But Rebecca realizing through Keeley's genuine praise (because Keeley wasn't there) that the best decision is to let Ted be Ted was just a really great, layered Rebecca moment.

Keeley's office doesn't look like Keeley. The neon sign does. Her wardrobe does. Those people in that office? The couch furniture in her own office? None of that is Keeley. That is Keeley thinking this is what it looks like to go into corporate PR with investor money. I look forward to watching furry pillows and glittery accessories take over the office as Keeley finds her confidence in a different phase of her career.

We all fucking know Roy is the one who decided they needed a break, and Roy, you fucking walnut. I get it. I look forward to the story of it. But the story is Keeley saying, "If I put this off again," and trying to comfort Roy, and Phoebe, smart nugget that she is, knowing stupid when she sees it. Keeley has agreed to this break up because Roy thinks it's needed, and she has no doubt spent a lot of time trying to talk him out of it. They deserve each other wholly, and I can't wait for Roy to get slapped in the face with that.

The himbos are doing great. So proud of all of them. But, yes, especially Jamie but also Richard making clear that a fine wine is not an expensive wine. But also also, all of our boys.

I love you, Jan Mass. You keep up being Dutch, kiddo.

Beard being proud of Ted for learning soccer shit and also knowing how long to wait before getting back on the bus with a toad venom-addled driver is just the perfect dichotomy of Beard.

I have a lot of thoughts about Ted's actual relationship with Henry (clearly positive and happy and healthy) and what he thinks the relationship is (distant and unhappy because he's not physically there), but if I go down that road, I'm never coming back. In short, I hope that part of Ted's journey this season is realizing he is a great fucking father and that physical distance doesn't change that.

Ted calling Sharon for a clearly planned session right after dropping off Henry? That is fucking PROGRESS my friends. And not just that, but also he doesn't question Sharon setting time boundaries OR setting personal boundaries.

I LOVE that Sharon allows him to ask personal questions because the personal connection is absolutely what Ted needs. And I love that she refuses to give him clear answers and doesn't rise to the bait he tries to set out with 'You usually say no'. The way he asks the team and the sport then asks the number of Australians, then guesses rugby, and Sharon confirms NOTHING? That's top-tier therapist shit. And we all knew she was that good, but now Ted clearly knows it too and TRUSTS it, more importantly.

I didn't notice until gif sets, but they named the stadium after Earl. Which. Shut up.

Higgins having matching Keeley mascara on his shirt makes me SO HAPPY. Because it tells you without showing you that Higgins and Keeley are still close and caring about each other. And Rebecca and Higgins having a moment about it is so NICE. Just NICE. It's fucking NICE.

I mentioned Sharon's boytoy in another post, but I want to repeat it because 1) she deserves it, and 2) he shows he deserves HER because he's wearing headphones while she talks to a client, and he doesn't take them off until after she walks in the room, clearly off the phone. He respects her as a professional. This is very important and excellent.

I am going to find Rupert and kick him in the balls as many times as I can in one minute, then I'm going to take a five minute breather and start again.

The isolation of Nate at West Ham (alone on the escalator; not answering to a polite hello; standing far away from his co-coach on the field; working far away from the locker room) is intentionally uncomfortable for us as an audience. We're used to a very collaborative coach in a close-knit environment. But that's not Nate's story. Nate's story is one of thinking isolation and arrogance will save him from his worst self-fears. We all know that shouldn't be his goal, but it isn't about how WE know he's wrong. It's about NATE figuring out he's doing it wrong.

There is no fucking way Rupert didn't know it was Nate's car when he towed it. New guy. New car in the fancy lot. Does he ask, though? No. That would be healthy. Instead, he sets it up so Nate can see he's disappointed in him without him saying it (a common abuse tactic), and then lovebombing him with a new car as a way to tighten his control (another common abuse tactic). He also encouraged Nate's worst tendencies to build a sense of safety that isn't actually there because Rupert will absolutely use those same groomed instincts at a later date against Nate (more abuse tactics).

I hope Rupert gets him by a team bus is what I'm saying. And I want Nate to be driving it and do it on purpose, frankly.

I don't want it to be Rebecca only because she's beyond that point of her anger. But I def want her to be a character witness for Nate.

I want Ted to stay in England. He's talking a lot about how he doesn't know why he is where he is or doing what he's doing. And I know a lot of people hope he goes back to Kansas. But that's not my hope. My hope is that Ted will realize he's doing great stuff with these boys and that he's a great dad even with physical distance, and he finds a new love and appreciation for himself that is directly connected to making this huge, confusing, and messy leap to go to England.

You can do something dumb (run to England to escape your failing marriage) and learn that while your instincts may have been dumb, the overall result is positive and good for you.

Which, also, could be Nate's arc this season. He made several dumb decisions about being a source and going to West Ham, but the end result could be, "Oh, shit, I don't want to be this shitty person." and then he can grow and change on a similar but different path to Ted.

Okay, that's enough. That's very long. I get a lot of feels.

#ted lasso #spoilers #oh god so much to have thoughts on

[thehealingsystem]

Hey natewantstobattle fandom, I think there's something we need to talk about with the new v1r@l music video

It is highly likely (honestly it obviously is) that the art found in the video is AI generated. Now, this isn't me accusing nate of anything, as there's a possible chance that he is simply not aware of it being AI art. He's an artist himself (albeit a musical one), I doubt he would be in support of such theft, and he was smart enough to call out the whole NFT scandal as well.

When I first watched it it had stuck out to me that the anime artstyle found in the video seemed out lf the ordinary, but I brushed it aside automatically. I went to go see who created the art, and noticeably the only thing they had linked to was a video producer

I normally don't question give hearts when it comes to crediting, so I assumed that the person who made the video must ALSO be the one to make the art. But from observation, that must not be the case

This is not a company who has workers of different skill sets, which one could possibly be digital painting. This is one person, from the looks of it, who uses AI generated artwork. Looking at their website, there's a section exclusively for digital art. While these certainly do fit the common AI generated artstyle, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was, they don't have any inconsistencies and errors that AI art may hold, so no proof there. BUT there are certainly errors found in the music video itself that no one other than an AI 'artist' would make. My apologies if I don't point out all of them

0:38 - The boy's head resting on a vaguely shaped, stubby, backwards hand. It was no distinct structure to it, the fingers look half cut off, and no one in their right mind would twist their arm and hand like that to rest on it

1:08 - Nitpicky but this guy has the WEIRDEST hair texture I've ever seen. The parts in the light do not match the shaded parts of the hair. They're like...odd blotches of fire

2:38 - There's this out of place hood-headphone cord. It looks like it comes out of and goes to nowhere behind the old man, and attempts to be a headphone wire and a hood strap at the same time

2:57 - It may not be obvious at first but the girl's sleeve is not correctly attached to or shaded in with the rest of her shirt. Like. Just look at it

(Note: A person has said that there's one scene in which a character has five and a half fingers, but I haven't been able to spot it yet

The video also noticeably tries to hide the hands A LOT, whether that be blurring or cutting it out entirely. Considering the mistakes we've already found with the hands, and AI art commonly not being able to get hands to look right, it's very possible it was purposeful)

Now, more about what I said in the beginning about Nate possibly not knowing:

Another thing to point out is that give heart has worked with this producer before. But the past videos that were made by them don't seem to involve any AI art at all

Nate's cover for "The Day." The art found in it is from the manga/anime My Hero Academia, created by Kohei Horikoshi. This is art that obviously can't be stolen and taken as one's own

"A Taste of the Flame," Hazbin Hotel song by Shawn Christmas. This time, there is an actual person behind the art in the video and rightfully credited in the description

A normally trustworthy video producer, who is not even open about admitting that they use AI art (not stated anywhere on the business site). So, this is my good faith assumption that Nate is not aware of this. He has a team of people for his videos, and considering is personality, it's very likely of him to overlook what this mv consists of. I don't know him personally, obviously, but considering how he presents himself in his content, past opinions, and the definitely normal behavior of wanting to believe in the best of someone you're a fan of, I don't think he would support the use of AI art. He's an artist who also doesn't like his work being stolen, and I can imagine if there was (and oh dear god if there already is) an AI that generates music scrapped from him and other musicians, he would not be happy.

There are other possibilities if he DOES know it's AI. One being that he doesn't know that AI art steals art from other artists, and the second being an AI that takes from fully consenting artists. I 100% doubt both of these

If he truly does not know, I will be pretty relieved. But I will still hold him accountable for negligence on his part. It's his channel and content, and even if he overlooks some of the stuff in it, he still has full control of what gets posted there and is responsible for it. I won't be as upset, but he should've known better to not let this fly and investigated more on this VERY overtly suspicious artwork

Okay, now getting to the main point and what you should take away from this; we need to be letting Nate know what's up with this, bring it to his attention or at least ask him of what AI art is doing in this video (whether he supports it or not). Because it's important for us to know, AND if this truly was done without his support/consent, he NEEDS to be aware so he can fix it. I'd rather have no mv for v1r@l rather than one that promotes art theft

TL;DR: NateWantsToBattle's new music video for "V1r@l" consists of AI generated art theft, we don't know whether he consented to this decision or not, and as a community should let him know

#natewantstobattle #nwtb #nathan sharp #nate posting #to let go #ai art #ai generated #ai art is art theft #ai art is not art #ai art is stolen art #PLEASE don't ignore this nwtb community this is important

[radiokathryn-if]

how would the RO’s be in a red string of Fate AU? (cut to Nate desperately trying to cut the string off his finger bc he’s engaged lmao)

So the Red String Of Fate is one if my favourite AUs because if the origins of the myth!

In the ancient Chinese myth (and please correct me if I'm wrong!) the string is actually wrapped around the ankle rather than the pinky finger like in Korean and Japanese folklore! That the string connects you to the fate you're destined to have and with the people you belong with to achieve that fate.

My favourite “take” on this story is how it applies to all kinds of people, and even multiple people! I think that because of my understanding as a person who is not only pan(sexual) and open to polyamory but also demi(romantic) with a unique perspective through my best friend in to an aroace mindset that the thout of soulmates being strictly romantic and forever only one person is a bit bizzare──humans are people people, not person people... if that makes any sense.

I love exploring different 'avenues' of what connection means to people and how to push conventional boundaries as to what fate and destiny could be. That you have thousands of strings and they are woven together to create your tapestry of Fate (and this is where my favourite mythology comes in──greek mythology!) that is ever changing because the threads fray when you lose a connection or they gray out when someone dies, not fraying because even though they're gone they're still important to you, that the brighter strands are the people who mean the most to you.

I adore it──the introspection into human connection. (I love reading through aroace and poly story's for that exact reason!)

But back to your question! In the classic sense of the Red String Of Fate AU where it's Romantic Soulmates:

You're right, Nate absolutely detests his string──the whole concept of soulmates really. What really gets him is that he hates the feeling of no control, that there's no choice to be made that his string doesn't lead to the one he asks to marry him. He learnt a long time ago how to ignore his string, how to ignore the tug when you leave his side, how to ignore the tingles on the tips of his fingers when you're closer, how to ignore you... it's sad more than anything else──that his need for control, his vision of life, deprives you of a soulmate connection too.

As stated before, Eva truly is a romantic at her core and the thought that she has a soulmate is something she dreams of. Life, however, isn't a dream world and she also believes in agency and making decisions for herself. Though if there's anything Eva regrets it's saying yes to Nate when he proposed to her. Young naivety can only go so far as an excuse when she long for the tiny ounces of warmth you bring her when you cross paths. She keeps it a secret, but the hope that you'll snap her out of the predicament she's in keeps her heart pumping and her fingers tingling!

Mica is a little bit of a different story, considering your connection to each other already. In terms of the Original Universe, Mica might be the closest thing MC has to a soulmate that universe has, platonically or romantically. Mica loves you. Full stop. The fact that fate says you're destined to be in each others life is just the cherry on top for them. It's always been easy to be in their presence, and they will never push romance on you──if you get there, that's where fate has taken you!

The concept of 'soulmates' is... strange to Detective Han, to say the least. They don't... not believe in it but they aren't particularly bothered to chase it either. I think when they finally actually realise what the tugging and the warmth and the tingling means is when they'll get a bit... tense around MC. They don't know how to navigate this and they'll eventually be ready to try──all they ask if for your patience and with time comes their love tenfold. (As fate would have it, it turns out.)

José likes the sentiment of having a Fated One, but putting it in their real world makes them a bit apprehensive. They don't like the thought of not having autonomy and while there's comfort in knowing there's someone out there just for them (and for them to give their heart to in return) the discomfort of not knowing can be a little much. They don't like the weight of expectations. It's difficult, when they make the choice to leave your side before your connection could really bloom─and it was certainly a tough decision─but they must believe that you'll come together when you're supposed to... they're just not sure if they actually do.

Ji Han grew up listening to the stories of these myths from his mother. It's something he yearns for silently. He wants you so much he'd do anything to keep you in his heart. But he's a gentleman first and lets you take the reigns──to go at your pace. In this world he might believe he can have his love at first sight, and if he has his way the sight of his love would be his last, to bless him for his next life to be with you once again.

With Fauve fate is... subjective. In this world she tends to wear gloves. She doesn't like the way she feels when she sees her string while she's... entertaining others. It's not necessarily that Fauve hates the idea of soulmates, it's just that she can't fathom that she'd ever get to meet hers. When she was younger she used to fantasize about her fated one, and her hopes for who they were always came crushing down when it never was who she thought, in the end. Upon meeting MC she may not even realise she just met her fated one until it's too late and after the decisions she's made surrounding you freezes her heart at the thought you wouldn't want her anymore. Dilemmas, dilemmas.

For Jackson, I've chosen to believe Fate gave him a second chance string. That his first red string led him to his daughter, Cilly, and the second will lead him to you. The problem, however, is that that first experience with Fate has left Jackson both weary and jaded to the idea. That while yes, it gave him his most precious thing, the live of his child, it also left him with a shattered heart and scars on his soul. Fortunately, he's not completely closed off, like Nate is, but like Detective Han he needs time to build up trust and let his walls down──for himself!

??? adores his string and the person on the other end of it. Growing up in the way they did left them alone most of the time, betrayed by their family and sent away. They hold out their hopes of love even when their body is cold from being so far away from you and worships the feeling of warmth as the two of you get closer once again.

Bonus! The Poly Routes

Jauve (Ji Han/Fauve)──They balance each other out very well here. Ji Han allows Fauve to accept and acknowledge her feelings towards Fate sooner than she would on her own──coming to terms with it more healthily and giving her more perspectives on how to goes about her choices around her fated ones than she does on her own. And Fauve makes sure Ji Han takes his time to properly love, to savour the feeling with time and introspection and creating connection before blindly jumping into it. They let's each other believe in more ways to love people, to bask in those feelings and to become better people than they thought they were capable of.

Eva&???──for ???, there's that sort of hurt in his chest at just how much they get to breathe when with MC and Eva. ??? never really thought they'd get to even have one soulmate let alone two! The build up of emotion they feel... is like it could burst out if their chest──explode their very being at any second. So they bask in the feeling of you, fingers digging a little too deep into their hold on your connection. For both of them it's all about second chances. It feels like fate has decreed to spare them more suffering and gifted them something so wholely special. Eva especially thanks whichever god's bound her to two beings, the scars and hurt from Nate seem to just melt away when you're around and she can finally relax her heart once again...

#peoplechangepeople🧡

#this might be a bit long... whoops #also sorry for the rant! this is just my favourite myth/trope/au to talk about and think about in ALL the ways! #also most these turned out to be so tragic... wtf me #radio kathryn if #all ros #c: nate nicks #c: eva vidal #c: mica hollens #c: detective han #c: josé danger #c: ji han #c: fauve #c: jackson lewis #c: ??? #poly: jauve #poly: evijah

[etheriadearie]

Hi! First of all, love your blog!! I have a question that I would love to hear your thoughts on - I love your analysis of catra and think so much of it is spot on. I love hearing about how much of her actions have come from a place of love for adora.. I was wondering what about the scene where she cuts adora off the cliff to presumably fall to her death? was she really in that moment ok with killing her? what do you think about Moments like that where we see the physical harm she is willing

Catra's long walk through darkness to being the light of Adora's life-

This is such an important moment so thanks for bringing it up. To put things simply, Catra believes she’s not killing Adora. In fact, I'm certain she KNOWS she isn't. How am I sure? Because what we’re seeing play out is something deeper, that is, in fact, magic... (meta to come, but first…)

Pictured: four times Catra encounters Etheria's magic- (Promise/Promise/Portal/Heart Part2)

Promise is the most important episode of SPOP prior to s5, it really has no equal. The fractured history of their relationship before we meet them in ep1 is revealed, and as such, the reasons Catra feels she must be apart- all while there are actually three forces acting upon both Catra and Adora. I hear about two of them, but what's the third?

I'd encourage anyone reading this meta to carefully listen as Catra makes Adora fall. Because what we're hearing is important. (feel free to do so now or later)

🎶🎵 Do you hear it? 🎶🎵 Why does the music rise and then gloriously crescendo as Catra says her final goodbye?

The music rising here makes this an 🎶undeniably🎶 positive moment for Catra. This is -their- song, Promise, and it crescendos as Catra leaves Adora. So what's the deal?

Well, in short, it means that Catra leaving Adora is the right thing. How can that be. Well, Adora's willingness to sacrifice herself, and others, who she loves, to fulfill duty is wrong. Adora isn't becoming a hero like the Princesses and Light Hope tell her she is, she's walking into a millennia old trap. Catra has seen this behavior before, and Adora’s not choosing the strong path of a hero of love.

Adora’s false belief in duty means that she goes from fulfilling one manipulator's every wish, Shadow Weaver, to another when she gets the sword- the First Ones. And Catra knows in her gut that Adora is wrong, like she has been before. So, Catra -must- refuse to enable her any longer. In doing so, Catra is rightly asserting her own personal worth.

The narrative arc goes on to show us that in s1-4 Adora not a hero, and the reasons Catra is rejecting her during Promise are exactly why she's not on the true path of She-ra: By rejecting love, Adora cannot be a hero, she instead enacts a false form of false justice thats based in naive belief and others prejudices. This is why Catra wanted to go, because she’s seen it all before- where Adora rationalizes others' pain as part of her false duty, letting her anxious need to satisfy others control her.

Yes, the war is terrible, and Catra is directly involved in its cruelty. We should absolutely fault her for that. I'll of course talk about Adora's violence being similar, but Catra indeed rationalizes violence as necessary in a terribly biased way. Like many of you, I found her s4 portrayal hard to stomach and I didn't know if she could come back from who she seemed to have become. It took Nate Stevenson’s genius s5 for me to realize he had done something amazing with her and Adora’s arcs. Yet, in the subtext of the plot it's obvious that Catra shouldn't go with Adora, as well as that the war that they fight in s1-4 isn't quite what it seems... (more later)

In the most basic way possible, Catra would not want to go along with Adora considering her false behavior, but this is a decision reinforced by the power of magic, which we’ll discuss. Catra’s choices are rooted in survival always, (not in wanting power or proving herself, nuhuh) and the way Adora treated her was abandonment which encouraged the violence she was up against from their abuser. It's not surprising Catra would want to go her own way, and so the only way she sees for herself to survive is within the Horde. It's about survival, simply that.

And Adora, meanwhile, can't have her cake (trying to enact a false form of She-ra justice) and eat it too (have Catra’s love.) She feels loneliness where Catra used to be because of her own falseness that she’s acting out due to her traumas. Going on emotions alone there are good reasons for their separation, and both are wrong, but there's also a magical force here that's leading them both up to the true crescendo of Promise when Catra confesses her love…

But I digress, let's discuss the meaning of Promise, and the hidden magic behind what happens.

The 3 forces: two good, one "evil"

The first of the three forces acting on Catra and Adora in Promise is plain to see: the love which they have for each other, which ought to mean that they can heal their divide. But, as we know, their love is too fractured at this point to do so.

The next is our 'evil' force- Light Hope, who most people assume is controlling what they see in the Crystal Castle to manipulate and divide them towards the ends of enacting the First Ones plan of destroying Etheria. But, does this explanation really make sense, or does it lack something?

Why would Nate Stevenson have the music soar as Catra walks away from Adora if that were the case? Promise being so gloriously played as she does this makes this a positive moment for Catra, although melancholy, and not the moment of Light Hope's triumph in her dark plot. We don't hear this song played so gloriously again until s5 when Catra confesses her love, when the music reaches its true crescendo. Maybe the music here means that Catra mustn't go with Adora, for Adora’s own sake-?

This is what I mean by a third, mysterious and -magical- force, that's also acting on them, which is on the side of good, but is seeing the long game and trying to avert the larger disaster we see at the end of s4 when the weapon is activated- the evil First Ones plot nearly coming to fruition and destroying them all. This force gives Catra a push towards separating from Adora during Promise, where it is letting history play out so that Adora's falseness as its hero is exposed. This force is deep planetary magic...

The rising of the music is a hint its presence, but the direct evidence of it is seen during strange happenstances in Promise, which we’ll discuss, as well as further occurrences later on in the series. What this force is trying to accomplish is the halting of that evil plot, as that is paramount, and is working towards Adora developing into the hero of love she's supposed to be. Adora needs to have the strength of self to reject false manipulations and burdens, in order to defeat their true enemies all along- the First Ones and Horde Prime.

And, for Adora to confront her own wrong baises, Catra cannot enable her false rationalizations any more. So, the magic is acting on Catra, helping her to decide to go. It's not just her anger at Adora's rationalizing away her pain that's guiding Catra's decision to let Adora struggle alone as a false hero, the magic tells her that she's right. If Adora can't see how she's wrong, like how she didn't know Shadow Weaver continued to torture Catra, then being apart is what’s right for Catra and also what will enable Adora to come to terms with her own weaknesses. All of which needs to happen for Adora to realize the path of the hero of love, and for them to come back together in the end and win with the power of love.

This force guiding Catra is the deep magic of Etheria, the magic of love.

Razz describes magic as a source of beauty and of good, which cannot be controlled, it just is.

It is love, as well as the beautiful diversity of life, it is its own innate force- and love is more powerful than anything in the universe. Loving is perhaps the greatest thing we can do during our lives…

And, as we first see Catradora in episode 1, there's hardly any love, especially from Adora back to Catra. After all, Adora rationalized and enabled their abusers actions. Catra, in contrast, was still doing her best to love Adora as of ep1, to wake her from her anxious need to satisfy Shadow Weaver, to bring her back to love. But she had no way to reach her, because Adora had stopped listening to her long ago...

During Promise, Etheria's magic sees that Catradora is but a whisper of its potential, and it needs both of them to be strong by love. Adora may go on to learn to be a hero of love the hard way, making many mistakes with grave consequences, but Catra’s journey alone and the dark consequences of her actions will give her the wisdom she needs to be strong enough to be with Adora, who is the focus of over a millennia's of violence and deception. It's Catra who knows to double down on love, and by doing so is able to unlock Adora’s power of love that lets them win in the end.

But I digress- what does the guidance of this mysterious force look like, and what are its intentions?

The first uncanny moment of its intervention can be seen when Adora beings to fall and Catra catches her:

The way the plot has Catra so casually in position to catch Adora feels unnatural. That's because, as we’re watching this scene, Catra is in no position to save Adora, having distanced herself from Adora because she was pestering Catra about why she returned the sword, aggravating her.

Catra so illogically being out of place to save her here is a hint that there's something else going on. It's as if Catra knew Adora would fall before it happens…

This is what I mean by guiding force, because I believe this is exactly what we're seeing- where it's Etheria’s magic guiding this moment, not Light Hope. It sets a trust fall moment for them. And we can see how Adora doesn't get it:

We know in canon that Catra always loved Adora (also, Catra's tail flirt at the end ☺️), but the prejudiced viewpoint Adora shares here shows just how little she gets it. Like how she didn't know Catra continued to be tortured by Shadow Weaver, like how she didn't know the Horde was evil before Glimmer berates and guilts her over it, yet Catra did. Adora is far too focused on duty and satisfying others unfair expectations to see the truth, it was true before she switched sides and it's true afterwards, and that’s how she's not on the true path of She-ra.

We're also seeing the thesis moment of Promise here, because the rest of the episode plays out to show us just how wrong Adora is. We see the memory of Catra being tortured and then treated with death threats by their abuser, how Adora came up short in standing up to Shadow Weaver, and then how she went on to break the promise she made to Catra in order to satisfy their abusers expectations. Adora has a naive belief in duty due to her trauma that's being exposed and which prevents her from being the true She-ra.

During this moment of Catra catching Adora it's not so much that Adora misstepped, than that the magic changed the ground to make sure Adora would start to fall- setting up the trust fall, of which Catra is given privileged knowledge is about to happen, that exposes Adora’s false mentality for us to see.

::I suspect Catra likely feels this coming like hearing a whisper in the back of her mind. It is the first of many guidances from the magic... how it happens doesn't really matter, as we see further evidence of interventions on their behalves later in the series. But in Promise, she will act on this whisper, which confirms to her that her feeling that Adora is misguided are justified, like she has seen Adora be before. Since Adora had closed herself off emotionally to any guidance Catra tries to give her at this point in the series, Catra will choose to go alone instead.

So, there really is no way Catra would be with Adora at this point in the series; hoping she’d be with her with Adora’s falseness as a friend is hoping for something that was simply not there. Catra, as the person who Adora stopped valuing with love, will (unconsciously) play the part of Adora’s foil in s1-4 that's needed to expose the weakness that makes her no hero of love. This is where Catra's needed, and Etheria knows Adora’s failure to trust in love will lead to her failing as Etheria's hero, something that must be corrected if the cycle of violence is to ever actually stop- as she goes on to do at the end of s5. It's guidance is a nudge in the direction of Catra leaving so Adora will learn how she's a false hero.

Adora really does have a problem with letting others misguide her, Light Hope of course but also Glimmer, who forces false burdens on her unthinkingly. Adora must instead choose love over false duty and burdens, because love is what can guide her hero's journey and will make her strong enough to overcome the really difficult things that history is asking of her. Catra will help her do this gladly in s5, but don't make the mistake of assuming Adora in s1 was capable of accepting Catra's love and advice, she’s blocked it off from herself with her anxious trauma guided beliefs. In truth, Adora needed to change for the better just as much as Catra did.

Now, I realize that this theory may be hard to accept, because it means Etheria stans the war, if only a bit. But, with how much is wrong with the war, such as the prejudices the Princesses show while further being ignorant of how they're part of a First Ones weapon, there are no easy solutions to fixing this. Etheria needs them all to be stronger, but to be strong they must choose that strength for themselves- the strength of love, it cannot tell them what to do. Doing that produces no real strength.

They must learn- the hard way: Catra and Adora must choose to value love by their own will, but that doesn't mean Etheria isn't going to remain idle when so many seek to manipulate and destroy them, especially such as with Adora, who is the focus of Light Hope and the First Ones plots.

It's acting on them both here, but as it just so happens, there's another time the magic guides Catra during Promise-

The next time we see Etheria guiding Catra is as she watches Adora make the promise to her child self that was broken, and then Catra's child self stops to look back at Catra, her eyes full of meaning:

Catra's child self's actions here isn't a memory, it's an addition, one added by Etheria as it tries to communicate to Catra the gravity of Adora’s misguided behavior. I really can't accept the idea that Light Hope produced this moment, because she's not some perfect abuser. There is way too much nuanced emotion occurring.

Etheria’s magic, on the other hand, is a living thing- even if not human, it intimately understands love as a powerful force that exists in nature, and it's telling Catra to not enable Adora's false heroes path any longer. Not when she values love so little as to give in to prejudice and allow others ignorant and/or self centered narratives to guide her.

Their real enemies- the First Ones and Horde Prime, will be able to exploit Adora’s fragile guilt complex against her- by accepting the sword, she stepped into their trap. Because of that, in s1-4 a thousand years of manipulations are right on track to give the First Ones what they want- destroying Etheria, something that can only be stopped once and for all if Adora accepts her true self, her loving heart that makes her the hero of love. And Catra, while the Horde IS wrong, is providing the proving grounds needed for Adora to develop her own hero's way by allowing a false conflict to continue.

Adora remains misguided all the way until s4, when she starts to trust her own feelings, laying the groundwork for being the true She-ra we see in s5. It really does take her this long to do this, she really turns the corner on it for the better when she voices total rejection of the First Ones control in s4 as she smashes the sword, instead speaking her own mantra based on love. And, this rejection of the roles made for her by others happens in large part because of Catra’s unwillingness to accept Adora as someone who enacts naive and false justice. Even if it's hard to watch, Catra refusing to enable Adora was correct.

::As Catra's child self looks at her, magic is trying to tell Catra that following Adora now would mean nothing would ever actually get better, and that her behavior will result in further disaster. Catra decides then that following Adora would be the wrong thing to do...

::So no: Catra isn't trying to kill Adora at all, or even at any point in the series. We can take her words at the Battle of Brightmoon, that she knew Adora wouldn't die, to heart. Not that it's also easy to see how she knows that they are inside a simulation, and that on some level none of it is real, and that she therefore knows Adora is not in real danger if she falls.

But, Catra can feel that something else is trying to tell her that Adora is wrong, confirming her suspicions that Adora is on a false path once again. This force is Etheria’s magic, and it will guide her yet again...

That's the short answer, but we should talk about the other evidence of Etheria’s guidance and it's implications. Next up in our journey: the Portal episodes.

Later Evidence of Catra's connection to Etheria’s magic

Etheria’s next guidance happens during the Portal event, when all hope seems lost and Etheria is vanishing towards non-existence. The veil that separates magic and reality thins, and because of it, we get Corrupted Catra, returned from death instead infused with knowledge gifted by Etheria’s magic about She-ra’s of past to teach Adora that she is playing into the First Ones trap, read the full meta here if confused, or here's a handy summary:

As the world is collapsing into nonexistence, Etheria’s magic takes this opportunity to give Catra all of the knowledge she could ever desire that Adora and the Princesses are on a false path that’s naive, ignorant, and will lead to the fruition of the evil plans made for them by the First Ones, as well as giving Catra the whole history behind She-ra and the wrongness that’s allowed this to come to pass.

In s4 Catra at first takes this given knowledge to mean she must pursue renewed war against the Princesses, as well as against her abuser, >whom they are harboring<, before realizing her knowledge of the history of events leading to this wrongness means she’s in a unique position to help Adora overcome it all during s5- for the sake of love and survival. Probably a discussion for another time, so I digress.

The final major whisper happens in s5 while Adora is dying in the Heart chamber. As she is slipping towards death having given in to despair, Catra is able to save her by sharing the dream with her with Etheria’s help: it links their consciousnesses together. Read the full meta above if confused, or quickly here:

This isn't a random vision Adora has, they both see it and it's the personification of Catra’s love brought to life with some help from Etheria’s magic, to show Adora what she has to live for. It's magic, and yeah it's tapping into Adora's own repressed feelings as well as Catra's, and it can do so because while the Heart may be a machine, the magic inside it isn't- it has its own living consciousness and it understands what their love means. Etheria itself powers this moment, it is their biggest shipper- it helps them win in the end!

To conclude; each time it has an opportunity to act, like it does during Promise (because they are inside a simulation), the magic of love does so to help and guide Catra. And, by association, Adora. It's with Catra’s guidance that Adora is strong enough to absorb the Heart and win, as Catra is the one who brings Adora back to the power of love. Catradora love is so powerful that it can save the universe, but by theory, it doesn't happen without a little help from the wisdom of Etheria magic- and its innate knowledge of the power of love.

This masterful level of narrative arc is something I'm certain Nate Stevenson is capable of. And so, Adora and Catra aren't apart to make the plot work, it's a necessary part of Etheria’s magic guiding them towards the power of love, and helping them towards correcting the systematic wrongs of their world once and for all. While that equals Catra being on the wrong side of history, her resistance is part of proving to Adora how she is wrong as a hero. It was necessary.

But aside from that, let's talk about how Catra uses violence, since this AMA directly brings it up-

SPOP is a great show where there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Because of that, I think people tend to make up assumptions to fill in gaps they can't yet figure out. It's only natural, but one way I feel a lot of SPOP fans go wrong is when they suggest that Catra enjoys and seeks violence.

That's not really true- the data doesn't back it up. For example, Catra always holds back from killing. It's true in every fight, it's true like a dozen times over while she has Adora captured and at her mercy, but let's talk about the one time Catra had every reason to feel justified in killing.

This would be in s4 when Hordak comes after her. There's no doubt Hordak has deadly intent, to maim or to kill her, so it makes total sense that Catra would justify killing out of self defense. But instead, she goes to elaborate lengths to make Hordak land the final blow upon himself.

Catra sets him up to be done in by his own anger- he damages the forge equipment which crushes him while trying to kill her. So, even at the point of extreme personal peril, while Catra knocks him into the path of the falling equipment, she's making sure her own hands are clean. She really abhors killing- and she's fighting in control, always.

Therefore, any time we assume Catra is trying to kill is suspect of our own prejudices. She chooses not to, that's a line she chooses not to cross. I can say personally as someone that had to win fights brutally to protect my life and sanity, that I did have pride in winning those fights. That's what you're seeing on Catra's face. But, I can also tell you that everything about actual fighting disgusted me, and Catra is the same.

Catra grew up in a system where the violence was always going to come for her, fighting back was necessary and right. I can't empathize enough how being in such a position changes your outlook on life, and if you didn't experience her situation, you might not understand her. And yes indeed, as time goes on, Catra’s reliance on fighting does run out of control, so much so that it leads to her losing conscious control over it, such as shocking Entrapta and opening the Portal. But to that, let me say, in how Catra felt threatened by her abuser at that moment, it's surprising she didn't snap *sooner*- everyone has a breaking point, and after careful watching, I'm certain Catra considers that moment her greatest failure.

But hey, what fun is a meta without comparing her to her counterpart? What we actually see is that when put under pressure, Adora loses all control over her emotions and lashes out. This is in addition to how she’s self destructive, as we all know.

Adora does, in canon, almost kill Catra multiple times. I'm not even going to discuss Legend of the Fire Princess, you can read a discussion here. Instead, let's look at the Battle of Brightmoon.

How is it so easy for Catra to make Adora lose all control?

In part this difference in fighting with control comes from how Catra grew up under mortal danger from their abuser, she learned to be prepared to defend herself, either physically, or mentally against torture. She became hyper vigilant, and learned where the line between life and death stands, as well as her own breaking points. She learned how to act so she could hide her emotions, she sees bad things coming from miles away, and she prepares for them. When she leaves Adora in Promise, she can tell Adora is being manipulated yet again, reason enough to not follow her.

Adora, in contrast, was the target of the manipulations and the teacher's pet, and as such was supposed to win every contest, so she was treated that way by her teammates. At the moment she finds the sword, Adora is a person who’s never actually been in a fight, she doesn't know how to control her fear or her anger. Everything she's done was a training exercise. So, her emotions run out of control all the time.

All Catra had to do to make her snap was play on her guilt complex and fear of failing, something Shadow Weaver instilled in her to make her die for sacrifice, yet Catra can't stop herself from seeing Adora as being weak for giving in to it. It is indeed a weakness, and meanwhile, when Adora left she passed total judgment against everyone in her old life on the word of a manipulative computer program. She fails to try to understand them and goes on to try to win the war against them through extreme violence alone, she does this not out of some great moral clarity- she does it mostly out of guilt over how Glimmer and Angella make her feel bad about it- yet Glimmer is one the most flawed and prejudiced characters we see.

Adora is failing that critical test, and her behavior mirrors a lot of irl behavior we see in people who claim and want to be good but end up hurting others because of their naive understanding of what good actually is. Also, remember that Catra does come full circle in s5 to see how Adora was hurt in order to be controlled by guilt, and helps her get past it. She's the one person who can really get through to Adora on this matter. Catra is the only person who ever really tries to put the brakes on Adora’s need to anxiously satisfy others, not going along with her was part of this, and in s5 she insists that Adora stops doing it yet again.

Catra continues to object to Adora's misguided choices in s5, and she deserves praise for this, even if in the past she refused to go with Adora and fought the war instead. Adora’s behavior has to stop sometime, yes she laid the groundwork for it in s4 such as developing her mantra and smashing the sword, but we see how she's still not past what her abuser did to her in her decisions in s5. It'll take Catra's help to break past this, which we'll discuss more below.

So when it comes to violence we're supposed to consider this dichotomy: of Adora's unstable mentality and Catra's careful application of force. Nate is playing our presumptions against us by doing so, and asking us to look deeper. Because, when we investigate violence, we see it's actually Catra who can meter her violence to the situation, and it's Adora who's violence runs out of control. Catra uses violence precisely, usually as a tool for survival, she doesn't enjoy it. These are fights that were always going to come for her and she's not running from them. During s1-4, Catra is very deliberate with her choices, you can't really say the same about Adora.

Final thoughts: Catra's understanding of survival is what's most important to saving Adora's life-

Ultimately, Catra's arc is about love and not this magic, of course. And in this a big part of her arc is about convincing Adora not to die- Catra, who refused to die all along, must be strong enough to help Adora survive- by showing her how the choice of living is stronger than sacrificing to fulfill her (false) burdens.

We watch along as Catra goes through trauma and learns to faces it head on, she comes to terms with in a way that Adora couldn't... as the focus of a millennia long scheme meant to make her fail. Catra's relationship with trauma, and her experiences of nearly letting herself get killed because of those traumas, allows her to be a guide for Adora in s5 and her help is what powers Adora's final transformation.

This is something the magic helps her to do- because what it's doing is giving her the truth behind it all, so that she can be free to choose love. 😎 Yet, her s1 choice to survive, and to be apart from Adora who endangers her, is not the wrong choice, because, in fact, surviving will be Catra's most important lesson to Adora while she saves her.

Which is to say that we ought to recognize Catra's choosing survival, as opposed to Adora's acceptance of martyrdom, as a form of strength, even if she's working for the wrong side. A lot of what Catra does is inarguably wrong but she's also right about a lot- she's right that Adora betrays love and can seemingly rationalize any act in the name of corrupted duty, Catra barely survives Adora trying to literally kill her multiple times- and no, Catra doesn't ever try to kill her in return.

And Adora chose to rationalize it all in the name of She-ra not out of some great moral calling, but out of an anxious need to satifify others which their abuser instilled in her in order to control her. Catra knows all this and is right to assert that Adora's attempts at being She-ra in s1-4 won't 'fix' anything... and that she'd just continue to get hurt if she went with Adora. So, Catra puts being with Adora on pause and does what she feels she must do to persist- before rejoining Adora in s5 once their most dangerous enemy discovers them all, and helps Adora to chose survival, too.

Adora's view point, in short, is self defeating and pretty nihilistic, whereas Catra's really isn't- she is trying to live when everyone else, Adora included, seems to want her dead.

You cannot really be selfish in demanding to live- life is sacred, and Catra has respect for her sacred right to live that we all have. If people tell you to die for the narrative, as Adora tries to do, what's right is to reject it. Catra is the one who tells Adora not to die because she understands this fundamental truth. Catra shows that sometimes violently rejecting other people's control, if they're trying to kill you, is what's right. And yes, she does take it too far in s1-4, but it's all part of the story of how she surivies long enough to get past her trauma in order to be able to help Adora in s5.

Her understanding of survival is so important to share with Adora because that's where she's strongest yet Adora is weakest... It's also true that Catra understands love much better than Adora, we see that in her love confession, but her telling Adora she's got her love to live for isn't all she does to save her. She also instructs Adora on the wisdom of what it means to fight while respecting your own right to live. Catra, who was told by Shadow Weaver that her life had no value and should just give up and die, knows very well what it means to fight while never giving up.

Catra's words "you've never given up on anything, not even on me" are so important because she's telling Adora not to die like her enemies want her to do, while simultaneously paying respect to Adora's newfound heroic path, telling Adora that she believes in the hero Adora's trying to be. In this moment, Catra knows Adora must chose her right to live, that which is her sacred right, or they are all doomed, and that Adora isn't seeing that choice as the fundamental right that it is. She knows Adora is expecting to sacrifice herself, which she's doing out of guilt.

Catra's words instead help to show Adora how not giving up fundamental right to life is the right choice- she starts by acknowledging how Adora is fighting for the right reasons- such as her mentioning that Adora never gave up on her and returned to save her from Horde Prime- a decision shows that Adora is a true hero. A true hero does not rationalize away someone's death as necessary when they know the person about to die has goodness in them, Adora saw that truth behind Catra's actions, so her rescuing Catra was right. It was a breakthrough moment for Adora, nevermind that she needed to save Catra for the sake of the love they had for each other before Shadow Weaver tried to break each of them...

But, if you know you're fighting for the right reasons, then you must insist on living to prove it through your actions- you can't die to noble sacrifice. Because operating under that belief is a form of weakness. Adora's constantly doing this means she's inherently weak, and all while the world that Adora wants, one that's right and just, can come true- but only if Adora chooses to survive in order to prove it. She has to continue being She-ra. Survival is necessary, because without it there can be no better tomorrows. It's not wrong to want to survive.

So with these words Catra is telling Adora to survive- Catra survived many close calls with death leading up to this moment so that she can tell Adora how to not to give up and die. Through her experience of surviving, Catra finds a way to save Adora from her own self defeating beliefs.

Catra in s5 is a person who's prepared to be her better self- she's processed her trauma to get past it, and is seeing that survival cannot be the only answer to living, you've also got to have something to live for. And that's loving Adora. So after all of that, Catra is not going to let Adora fail, falling to the self destructive habits their abuser instilled in her, and instead shows Adora the way past it all. As the person in the relationship that who's processed her trauma. You have worth. We all have worth! And believing that isn't selfish.

So, it had to be both things, not just Catra telling Adora she's in love with her and she's got that to live for. Adora also has to choose to survive.

So there was no simple answer because of the depth of the problems facing Etheria. They are being lead by princesses who are naive, self involved and ignorant- something Adora blindly devotes herself to. Catra refusing to go along with Adora is a big part of her getting past that misguided framework to be a real hero who can save the universe and stop the cycles of violence for good. And ,if Catra had gone with her? It almost certainly would have resulted in the destruction of Etheria when Light Hope manipulated Adora into activating the heart while having no idea of the consequences. No simple answers- because the princesses are not right in their ways, never mind that the Horde brang war upon them.

The strength of Catra's belief in choosing survival is what leads her to being able to guide Adora past her self destructive nature to save the universe.

When Catra kisses her thus imbuing her with he power of love, we see Adora transformed into someone fundamentally stronger, she's the embodiment of goddess lesbian power that we love. Why Adora becomes so much more powerful is because she is now fighting with an understanding of both parts of what it means to fight from a true position of strength:

To fight while insisting on your sacred right to live,

And to fight with something to live for and the belief that your morals are good and must go forward. Only when you do both can you be your most powerful- you have to have enough respect for yourself to believe you deserve to live!

Adora understood the second point to a degree, but not the first. She was never going to be a complete hero without Catra showing her how to value herself. Now knowing both lessons, Adora is a stronger She-ra than any before her- and is one that can stop the cycle of violence for good.

Catra's story as a message to people like us who survived-

In s5, what we're seeing is a fully emotionally realized Catra, a person who has matured and surpassed her traumas and has gained the wisdom and clarity needed to save Adora, by sharing these hard learned lessons with her. And, we only get to see a fully realized Adora after Catra shares these truths with her- an Adora who can finally step past the trauma thinking their abuser instilled in her.

S5 Catra proves to us that she's this person over and over, she's reclaimed that she must trust in love, yet I still see people doubt her. People sometimes say Catra's transformation in s5 was rushed, but it really wasn't- if you consider how after Etheria's magic showed her the dark truth behind it all, then Catra was in a position to choose the better path- after going through the worst and seeing the truth for what it is. This is her therapy- it's the truth that she's shown by Etheria that gives her the choice to see past her trauma.

Catra's story is a tribute to knowing that if you're in a dark place where you've been hurt like Catra was- know that not giving up is what's right, know that you have a scared right to live, and that your abusers are wrong. Keep fighting, keep believing. Sometimes that fighting will get ugly. But, this attitude she shares with Adora, of never giving up, it allows her to be the all powerful lesbian goddess we love her as. Nate is telling us to not give up- through Catra's story and further showing us how this wise and mature Catra has the strength to help Adora past her trauma as well. He's also telling us to not give up on love. It's one of the most brilliant narrative arcs of all time!

Trust in Catra! Trust in your sacred right to living! Huzzah!

But we're not done explaining Catra's actions, are we? Let's talk about the wrongness of war she's leading on Etheria...

Yes, war is always wrong, but here's what I meant earlier when I said the war on Etheria isn't quite what we expect-

It is, I believe, the canonical truth that Catra did not preside over a army that was committing genocide- one of the most common criticisms of SPOP. But, how is it possible this story is different from the other war stories we're been constantly fed (such as ATLA)? Simply put: it's because Hordak's army had no need to commit genocide.

Do you really think Nate would wants us to skip over this catching point? No, instead Nate decided to cleverly sidestep this issue.

In SPOP, there's never any direct evidence of Hordak's army doing as such, yet we're shown in all explicitness that Horde Prime and the First Ones ARE genocidal. Who were the real enemies all along. That's important. Why Hordak's army doesn't gun down civilians is because the villagers in SPOP never fight in the war, they never ever raise arms against him. It's the Princesses who fight, and furthermore this is reinforced when we see that most of the anger the villagers voice is directed towards the Princesses, not the Horde.

Genocide is mostly motivated out of two factors- one: hatred and racism- let's just say that simply doesn't exist on Etheria. But the second reason is to remove the others side ability to fight back- if everyone's dead, there can be no uprisings. But, the villagers never fight. So, Hordak's army had no need of shoot-to-kill orders.

Contrast this to Horde Prime and the First Ones explicit genocidal intentions, add in the villagers anger not being directed at the Horde but instead at the Princesses for abandoning them to war, and you've got the full story behind how the war was being fought.

Assuming Hordak's army was gunning down civilians is instead a presumption carried over from other stories, but Nate set us up to expect that then subverted the expectation by showing no such thing- and by showing the real enemies explicit genocidal thinking, was asking us to look deeper. SPOP is a show which subverts our presumptions at every turn in order to make a better story. This certainly doesn't absolve Catra of being wrong, but I think we should understand that she's wasn't directing a genocide- I don't think she was capable of doing that.

Catra actions are in no way perfect and we're not supposed to think they are, but I really think Nate intentionally did this so that this catching point would not detract from the overall narrative:

Which is to say that the way Adora tries to be She-ra in s1-4 was never going to 'fix' anything, she's a proof of the flawed heroes stories we saw too often growing up. Victory would be miraculous and not explained, always dues ex machina, and unsatisfying. In SPOP, Adora goes through actual character growth to become the person who can change the world, and she doesn't do it alone. Catra's love is what shows her the way to be better, and it's not easily earned or miraculously given- they struggle to understand and accept each other. And that makes for a much more satisfying conclusion, with a kiss that's so believable that I don't expect to see a more meaningful kiss in media for the rest of my life. Thank you, Nate.

Thanks for reading. I hope I did an ok job discussing a very sensitive topic. This has been the hardest thing I've ever written.

::psps: this isn't the tell all for this theory, it could probably use its own discussion post so let me know your questions.

If you enjoyed it, let me know with a like and please pass it along with a reblogg if you can! We writers really appreciate them most of all because of how tumblr works! Thanks a ton.

Thanks again,

-EtheriaDearie

PS:S: Happy Pride and Nimona release tomorrow!! Yay!! 🏳️‍🌈🥳

#she ra #she ra and the princesses of power #spop #catradora #she ra meta #catra #wlw

[bamboobrat]

succession s4 e7 recap: 🍆🍆🇺🇸

this week's recap is nothing short of a trauma dump from this here political operative.

never in my life did i think i would relate to nate, but there truly is nothing scarier than election eve....

we start the episode off the disguisting brothers, preparing for a long night at ATN.

tom has seemingly still not slept and greggory peggory is still recovering from his night on the town with one lukas mattson.

a few levels up, team shiv and team roman are also gearing up for a long night.

other than the distinct lack of booze, i'd say the vibes are pretty realistic.

roman with mencken was always my least favorite version of roman. this episode is no exception.

in fact, i think i'm demonstratively anti-roman in this episode.

and gerri is nowhere to be seen:((

shiv is worried about mattson letting greg in on their little plans.

as she should. rule number 1: don't talk to greg.

rava has to deal with kendall yet again.

this woman is a saint. someone save her.

ken is still on his "everything i do, i do for my children"-shit. you know, everything except ensure that a fascist doesn't make it to the white house.

honestly, this episode is really, very good.

i never wanna watch it again.

mencken bonds with roman over the fact that they both hate the word 'narrative'.

he is prepared to lose and for a millisecond i was hopeful.

tom and greg do coke behind a whiteboard.

this is the right wing politics that i know. 10/10 great representation.

however, we all know how tom is with drugs. he does them all wrong and feels wrong and immediately begins spiraling.

my body is very bad at many things, such as producing enough serotonin, but years of campaigning means my stomach has superpowers.

gas station sushi? no problem. leftover pizza from the night before? don't feel a thing.

i'm stronger than tom, is what i'm saying. activists just do it better, i guess.

connor represents all politicians, all the time:

now, i respect all the politicians i work for loads, but there is just something inherently narcisstic about having six people cater to your needs constantly.

and most of them are unfortunately not as funny as connor.

tom is being a little shit.

with no moves left, shiv tells him she's pregnant.

it's not entirely unreasonable of tom to ask if it's even true, or if it's a tactic telling him that, but he's still a little shit for doing it.

i hate hate hate that we only got like four minutes of shiv girlbossing before she was back to doing everything wrong again... i support women's wrongs, but c'mon:(((

connor is by far my favorite part of this episode.

i just think they are neat<3

ken has his sister's back and i could rewatch those few seconds over and over and over.

fuck tom and his stupid touch screens.

and fuck roman too.

basically, there's a fire in wisconsin and ballots have been lost. historically, those votes have been overwhelmingly democrat, but roman wants them to call wisconsin for mencken, disregarding the burnt up ballots altogether.

he sends his talking points to ravenhead, who goes on an on-air rant, and the rest of the sibs take to the floor at ATN as well, much to greg's dismay.

shiv tries to threaten greg so that he doesn't tell her brothers about her plans with mattson.

as much as i love shiv threatening to pull greg's organs out his asshole, it isn't very effective.

there's an incident with wasabi.

i question a lot of decisions made in this episode, but perhaps most curious of all is the choice of lemon flavored la croix??????

i would laugh more at this if i wasn't so ridden with anxiety.

connor lands an embassadorship in the new mencken administration.

willa is skeptical of the fascism etc but still....

connor makes a speech. i love it when he does that.

we get a brief moment with the old guard, gerri not included.

we get basically no karl:/

instead we get roman being an asshole scene after scene after scene.

pls stop i can't take it anymore!!!

kendall is torn between team shiv and team roman, presumably because he can't decide what outcome will be most helpful to his own ambitions.

oh and there's the whole "my daughter might be in danger if mencken wins", but that seems to be secondary.

because he was vulnerable with shiv for a minute, he feels even more betrayed when he learns about her plans with mattson.

from greg of course. fucking greg.

the hugging era is truly a thing of the past.

i wish i had more jokes, but honestly this episode just made me very, very sad.

roman, ken and tom decide to call the election for mencken, despite shiv's desperate attempts.

and i just have to say, i know shiv isn't altruistic. i know she thinks a jimenez win will benefit her more than mencken will. i knooooow.

it's still very sad.

they call it for mencken.

me every single election night.

roman is very much in the camp of nothing fucking matters, and i guess he is right in a way.

it won't really matter to him or kendall.

it will for sophie, though. it will for jess.

ouffff....

roman now has a direct line into the west wing.

that being said, i don't think he's a very reliable partner for them.

in the end, mencken will do what is good for mencken. the same goes for roman.

i think ken might end up regretting this whole endeavor very, very soon.

tom becomes the face of this political scandal.

can't wait for it to bite him in the arse.

shiv makes a final rallying cry to mattson, but it somehow feels hollow to me.

this shiv girlie is starting to lose hope.

anyway, rava doesn't want ken to come over to see the kids because he prioritized his own project of becoming his dad over keeping them safe.

i guess i agree with him that the poison does, perhaps, drip down.

what a depressing episode!

i'm glad we are getting something to celebrate next week - logan's funeral wiii !!

#succession #succession hbo #succession spoilers #succession s4 #succession recap #greg hirsch #nick braun #nicholas britell #tom wambsgans #matthew macfadyen #roman roy #kieran culkin #shiv roy #sarah snook #kendall roy #jeremy strong #rava roy #natalie gold #jeryd mencken #justin kirk #connor roy #alan ruck #willa ferreyra #justine lupe #adam godley #darwin succession #j. smith-cameron #gerri kellman #peter friedman #frank vernon