#naughty list | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ladykissingfish · 5 months

Text

Nagato: Remember, Kakuzu, this year it’s your turn to “play Santa” for the kids.

Kakuzu: Kids? All of those bastards except for Deidara are in their 20’s at least, they’re not “kids”!

Konan: Now, Kakuzu. We talked about this. Get into the holiday spirit a little, eh?

Kakuzu: *sighs* Fine. But if I’m going to pretend to be some gift-giving fat man in a red suit, I’m going to make it as accurate as possible. *leaves*

Kisame: What did he mean by —

Sasori: I don’t wish to know.

*Christmas morning comes and Deidara, Hidan, Tobi and Itachi race down the stairs to their stockings. They’re met with the sight of Kakuzu wearing red pajamas with padding underneath*

Kakuzu: Ho Ho Ho you little brats! Merry Christmas!

Itachi: That’s quite the get-up, Kakuzu san. Please may we have our presents?

Kakuzu: Presents? Really? I’m SANTA CLAUS, brats. I’ve kept my eye on you all year long, and I know for a fact that not one of you escaped my “Naughty” lost. No presents for you!

Hidan: You stingy old bastard!!

Konan: Wait, Kakuzu; you said you were going to make your Santa be accurate. In the stories, even the naughty children get something; they get coal.

Kakuzu, incredulously: Coal? Coal?! IN THIS ECONOMY?? Woman, are you insane? I’m not giving these buffoons something that can be used in our furnace! Besides, they did get something.

Deidara, after reaching into his stocking: … a packet of matches and a bundle of sticks?

Tobi: Why are Tobi’s matches half gone?

Kakuzu: I took half the matches out of all your packs. Gotta have something to light the furnace with, after all.

Itachi: Well, this is truly disappointing. If I knew the “present” for being naughty was so bad, I’d have just been good.

Deidara: Yeah, hm. I wouldn’t have blow up all those buildings!

Hidan: I wouldn’t have sacrificed so many people!

Tobi, in Obito voice: I wouldn’t have spent years orchestrating a carefully crafted plan to end reality as we know it and plunge every living being into an endless dream of false hope and empty promises.

The others:

@amikotsu you inspired this on Thursday August 10 at exactly 8:34pm. Thank you 😆

#the akatsuki #christmas #christmas 2023 #naughty list #yikes Tobi 😓#deidara #itachi uchiha #tobi #obito uchiha #hidan #kakuzu #kisame hoshigaki #nagato #konan #sasori

51 notes · View notes

ilovetvtoons · 1 year

Text

Apparently invading other worlds, causing mass murder, and possessing a child's body is No Big Deal. But canceling The Owl House was enough to put Disney's 90 year beloved icon Mickey Mouse on the naughty list and made Darcy look like a saint fitting for the nice list.

#lol #i'm sorry but this is so funny #even though canceling toh wasn't really the mouse's fault #but i'm still laughing at this #amphibia #mickey mouse #darcy wu #santa claus #naughty list #nice list #twitter #🤣🤣🤣

286 notes · View notes

anannua · 1 year

Text

ok but who hand stitched this monstrosity? there's only one correct answer @13bella-bell this request gave me so much joy tysm

#oh my god #kakashi #pakkun #ugly christmas sweater #request art #dude i died laughing designing this sweater #terrifying #amazing #i need 12 #BARK BARK BARK BARK #doodle #sketch #naughty list #this SWEATER

244 notes · View notes

lunarbuck · 1 year

Text

Naughty List

pairing: Sam Wilson x f!reader (any race)

wc: 1.4k

summary: You and Sam make your way to the top of Santa's Naughty List.

warnings: fluff, holidays, oral (f receiving), smut (p in v), swearing, pet names (baby, Sugar)

a/n: This is my secret Santa gift for the lovely and amazing @late-to-the-party-81 as part of the 'Tis the Season to be Thot-y Challenge!! I hope you enjoy it :) I had so so so much fun writing it <3 Also, this is. my first time writing a Sam Wilson-centered fic; I hope I did him justice

⭐️ happy holidays ⭐️

Dialogue prompt: Santa doesn't need to know about this

Festive Device: Roaring fireplace

full masterlist | my ao3

You and Sam climb out of Steve’s car and wave your goodbyes as he pulls out of your driveway. Sam’s arm wraps around your waist, tugging you close.

Together, the two of you make your way into the house and out of the snow. It falls gently in the quiet of the night, landing softly on your jacket and in your hair. You weren’t sure if there would be snow this year, but you’re happy to have a white Christmas.

Sam takes your coat once you’re inside, and you smile at the chivalrous gesture. He never fails to treat you like the queen he claims you are.

“That was quite the party,” Sam says as you plop down onto the plush couch in the living room. Instead of joining you, he kneels in front of the fireplace and makes a fire. Even though he’s wearing long sleeves, you can see his muscles moving in his back. Your fingers itch to feel them, to soothe any sore spots.

Sam must feel your eyes on him because he gives you a glance, one that tells you just how much he likes when you look at him like that. You wink, and he laughs, going back to his task of lighting the fire.

When he’s done, Sam walks over to the couch and sits beside you, tugging you into his embrace. He’s warm, and the fire’s heat fills the room, creating a cozy atmosphere.

With the snow falling outside and the fire roaring, it really feels like Christmas. Sam’s festive sweater certainly helps, though you’d taunted him mercilessly about it before the party. You’ll never admit it to him, but he can pull off anything, even an ugly Christmas sweater.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Sam asks, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. You snuggle closer to him and breathe in his perfect scent.

“I’m just happy I get to spend Christmas with you,” you reply. And it’s true; you are so happy about that. Time with Sam is never guaranteed, what with his job and all, so any time you get with him is treasured.

Sam shifts you in his arms, so you’re curled up on his lap, and he looks down at you with those big beautiful puppy dog eyes. “I’m happy too.” He leans down, and kisses you gently, making sure you know just how happy he is, just how cared for you are.

Sam’s passion and kindness practically ooze from his pores, but it’s even clearer just how good of a man he is when he’s kissing you, when he’s making you feel oh so loved.

He plays you like a fiddle, letting his hands roam over your body, feeling you beneath his calloused fingers. You melt into his touch, fully at mercy to his ministrations. It’s so easy to get lost in him, in his smell, in the way he makes you feel.

Sam’s hands find your legs, and he adjusts you so that your legs are wrapped around his torso. He stands, easily lifting you with him in the movement. He walks over to the rug in front of the fireplace and gently lowers you both to the ground.

Seated on top of Sam, you can feel his erection pressing against your center. You gently grind against him, your hips moving as if of their own volition. Sam groans beneath you, fingers making their way into your hair, tugging it lightly.

He pulls away for a moment, eyes transfixed on your lips, now swollen from his passionate kisses. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. The fire illuminates his skin with a beautiful warmth while simultaneously casting shadows across his face that highlight his strong features.

“Sam,” you say quietly, drawing his eyes up to yours.

“Fuck, baby, you can’t say my name like that,” he groans, shifting his hips to grind against you again. Your hands grip his shoulders as pleasure shoots through you. He holds you close as he settles your back against the carpet, his body crowding yours.

“We’re gonna crush the presents,” you giggle, your head bumping one of the wrapped gifts beneath the tree.

“You’re the only present I want,” Sam says, sitting up. “You gonna let me unwrap you?” He asks, fingers already playing with the button of your pants. You nod, and in an instant, he’s tugging your clothes off of you.

The heat of the fire is nothing compared to the heat of Sam’s eyes on your skin. He looks at you as if you were sent to Earth just for him, as if you’re the only thing in the universe for him.

Sam strips himself of his own clothes, putting on a show for your hungry eyes. You devour every inch of him, his soft skin, his perfect physique.

You watch as Sam presses kisses to your breasts and down your abdomen, gently nipping at your skin, causing you to gasp lightly. Every time you make a sound, his eyes flick up to yours. There’s a mischievous look there, one that you know will only lead to good things.

Sam’s gorgeous mouth is just about to dip down to where you want him when he stops, letting his breath fan over your clit. Your hips cant toward his lips, silently begging for him to keep going.

“So needy, baby,” he mutters under his breath as he watches you squirm.

“Please, Sam,” you beg, voice on the verge of being a whine.

“Please what, baby?” he teases, sucking a mark into your inner thigh. “Tell me what you need.”

“Fuck, Sam, I need you so bad,” you moan, trying not to close your legs around his head. “I need you to eat me out.”

Sam smiles up at you when you finally get the words out. “How could I ever say no to you?” he muses before dropping his head and finally giving you the contact you’ve been craving.

He feasts on you, ravages you with vigor. Your hands grip the carpet beneath you, chest heaving with breathy moans.

Sam works you up to your orgasm so quickly that it practically blinds you. Pleasure rips through you as electricity shoots down your spine. You come on a loud moan that only urges Sam on further.

“You’re so fuckin’ sweet,” he whispers into your pussy, pressing a kiss to your sensitive clit before licking his way up your body.

When Sam’s face is back in line with yours, you lift your chin to kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips.

“So naughty, Sam. What would Santa say?” Sam sits up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You let him, practically a rag-doll under his touch. He lines his cock up with your pussy and drags it up and down, bumping your clit.

Sam presses inside of you excruciatingly slowly, making you feel every beautiful inch of his fantastic cock.

“Santa doesn’t need to know about this, baby.” And with that, he’s thrusting inside of you at a pace that makes you see stars. All you can do is hold on, taking everything he gives you.

Sam’s hands find your tits, groping you in an almost pornographic way, but it just fuels the fire in your belly. Everything Sam does just turns you on more; there’s nothing this man could do that you wouldn’t find sexy or a turn-on. He’s Mr. Perfect in every way.

“Oh God, Sam,” you moan as he brings you right back to the brink of orgasm.

“Come on, Sugar, give it to me.” The strain in his voice alerts you that he’s close, and just knowing that sends you over the edge. You feel yourself clamp down on Sam’s cock as he picks up his pace, chasing his own orgasm.

Sam moans your name as he comes, dropping his forehead to yours as he comes down from the high. “I love you so much, baby,” he whispers, kissing you sweetly. How this man can be so dirty but such a gentleman all at the same time always amazes you.

“I love you too, Sammy,” you reply.

A moment later, Sam rolls off of you and makes his way to the bathroom, returning with a warm washcloth to clean you up with. When he’s done, he tugs a blanket off the couch and pulls you in close, holding you in his arms.

As the fire roars, you snuggle into Sam’s chest, loving the warmth he surrounds you with. Nothing has ever made as much sense as this right here.

please message me to be added to one of my taglists!

general tags: @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @emi11ie @paulasocean @silverfire475 @lovingchoices14

198 notes · View notes

the-witch-of-one-piece · 1 year

Text

Mihawk x Fem Reader: Masturbation N/SFW

Request by @m00n-rae :Happy holidays lovely! May I request Mihawk x fem reader for masturbation? Thank you for another spicy event 🔥 TW: Masturbation, fingering, wet dreams WC:580+ Masterlist

Mihawk had been away and you didn’t know when he would be back. Nights where he fluttered into your dreams just missing his touch. His scent still lingers on his pillow when laying down for the night you would use his pillow when he was away. You missed him a lot, the only thing in the room was a low dim flickering candle. You didn’t want to get out of bed to bring your toy out. You were already hot and bothered, and your panties were already moist. ‘I wish you were here right now Mihawk.’ you thought to yourself as your hands began to slide between your wet slit. Your fingers bring your sensitive clit letting soft moans spill from your lips. Your hand reaches underneath you as your hand grips the pillow. Closing your eyes imagining that it was him the one that was touching you, you pictured his thick, callous fingers rubbing your folds. His lips latching onto your supple breast leaving his mark on you. Hearing his Spanglish words as he continued to play with your cunt.

Mihawk happened to come home earlier from his trip thinking you had gone to sleep. The castle was dark. He happened to light a candle making his way into his room where he would have thought you would be in slumber. By the doorway, he heard the familiar moans coming from your lips. He knew what you were doing. He stood by the doorway, your legs spread apart, your hand between your thighs. The nightgown you were wearing was pushed up. Your head resting against the pillow with your eyes closed tightly. Mihawk felt his pants becoming a bit tighter. The stealthy swordsman managed not to make a sound to disturb what you were doing. Mihawk's continued to watch as he approached closer and closer. “Mihawk~~” your eyes still closed as you moaned his name out loud.

“Sí mi querida.” Mihawk's voice was so soothing. Your eyes shot open realizing Mihawk was looking down at you. Your fingers stopped moving for a moment. You were panting.

‘How long was he there for?’ You thought to yourself. Your cheeks were a bit flushed.

“Please continue what you were doing.” He spoke. “ I was merely enjoying the view unless you want me to finish you off?” Mihawk fingers brushing your knee. As he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I- I want you to touch me, mi Rey.” your hand reached for his hand. “I missed your touch Mihawk.” He missed your touch as well. Mihawk didn’t hesitate to begin to rub between your folds. “You must have missed me a lot to make this mess between your legs. The tip of his index finger began to swirl your clit. The sweet ecstasy sensation as he continued to play with your clit. In a matter of motion, his middle finger began going inside your hot slick walls. Mihawk’s other hands brushed the top of your covered breast. Deciding to slide the thin straps down pulling down the top of the night now. His fingers brush your nipple causing it to become hard. While still pumping his fingers inside of you he leaned into your breast his tongue making contact with your skin sending goosebumps all over your body. Your fingers began lightly tugging on the hard-haired man. You had no control of your lower region, you felt yourself becoming a squirming mess of his touch.

#mihawk headcanons #hawkeye mihawk #mihawk x reader #mihawk #dracule mihawk #op mihawk #one shot #valval speaks #one piece #the witch of one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x reader insert #naughty list

210 notes · View notes