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the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis · 26 days

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the dude string trail

(aka jasper cowboy headcanons UwU)

i had a conversation with the one and only @su-angelvicioso that inspired me so strongly i wrote this even though i was Not Writing Twilight at the time, and you know what fuck it, i think it's funny. cori, as always, thank you for being my favorite person to talk about twilight with.

this is completely authentic and not sarcastic at all. why would you think that

one fall, jasper decides that he misses embracing his texan heritage. he wants to get back into being a cowboy!

(this is definitely only about him missing horses and his human life & has nothing at all to do with being sick of living with the cullens & kind of in trouble because he ate someone again & tired of having to defend himself to alice about wearing boot-cut jeans for no apparent reason. because none of those things are happening. obviously.)

“back into being a cowboy?” emmett says. “wait, when were you a cowboy?”

jasper ignores emmett, who is obviously just jealous of jasper because he has superpowers and is better at fighting, and definitely doesn’t know anything about cowboys or cowboy culture because what would someone from rural tennessee know about cattle ranching.

he also definitely doesn’t have a cooler more authentic southern accent than jasper. what

because the cullens are richer than god and alice will do literally anything to get rid of jasper right now because he called her maría by accident again i mean what that never happens he gets himself a nice two-week vacation all alone on a ranch up in wyoming.

(texas is too sunny. that’s definitely the only reason he doesn’t go south.)

he arrives. he realizes that he has gotten way too used to living in houses that esme made because he explicitly chose a ranch with some of the fanciest cabins, and he’s a vampire who doesn’t feel discomfort or really need to sleep—but he still sees the cabin where he’ll be staying and winces.

it’s…it’s fine, he supposes. a little log cabin, with lots of windows and glass doors and a view of the mountains. it’s just…

well. first of all, is the emphasis on the little.

also it’s just…very brown. surely the log walls would be enough, right, they don’t need to have brown rugs too? and brown curtains? and weird little yellowish shades on the lamps?

at least the blankets are colorful. great southwest style.

(he squashes the part of himself that sounds an awful lot like maría laughing about how cheap and mass-produced the thing clearly is; not even a good imitation, she’d probably sniff,and then go and find herself a new rebozo just out of spite—)

(this is why jasper isn’t in texas.)

whatever.

he waves off the worker who led him to the building—she’s in the middle of some spiel about what to do if he has questions, but why would that be relevant?

she radiates annoyance for some reason, as she heaves jasper’s suitcases into the building and hurries off. he has to admit, she does a very good job of covering it with a bright smile. if not for the empathy, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

did he do something wrong, he wonders for a moment, but ultimately he decides the girl must just be in a bad mood today.

weird. he can’t imagine working here is that bad.

anyway. jasper isn’t here to worry about the interior design of the cabins, he’s here to be a cowboy!

(his thoughts sound like maría laughing at him again, at that idea, but he’s not going to think about why, thanks.)

jasper, because he is a vampire war lieutenant and a strategist and not an idiot (thank you very much, emmett), is well aware that the horses might not react...let's say ideally...to him being a vampire.

he also has a plan.

it's a great plan. simple. he'll sneak down to the pastures in the dead of night and wander around getting the horses used to his smell.

the plan did not account for the possibility that a number of the employees would be sitting on a porch at midnight smoking weed together. (didn't they care about their jobs? what if something went wrong with the horses? geez.)

admittedly he sneaks past them easily enough, but it's still annoying.

the more difficult thing his plan apparently failed to account for...

were horses always this mean?

jasper, over the course of his midnight jaunt, gets kicked, bitten, knocked over into piles of horse shit, (apparently even a vampire can be thrown off-balance by an entire herd of furious ungulates), and somehow covered in hay.

he refuses to consider the possibility that alice is watching this.

(when he gets back to the cabin later that evening, he of course finds a sticky note in his suitcase informing him to just throw the entire outfit away.)

he does, eventually, figure out that he can use his powers to calm a few of the horses down long enough to let him get within approaching distance.

this is inevitably followed by him letting his guard down, and said horses booking it away from him at top speed, shrieking like demons, but he decides to call it good enough regardless.

he spends basically the rest of the night in the shower, which he was not expecting to have to use. the water pressure is shit.

he definitely isn't sulking about this.

(he still smells like horse manure in the morning.)

the actual riding goes better though! totally! it's fine!

"so, do you have any horse experience?" the employee (he's pretty sure it's a different one than earlier) asks him as she leads him down to the corral.

"it's been a while," jasper says, "but i used to be pretty good."

for some reason, this makes the girl's eye twitch.

despite her obvious annoyance, she keeps trying to make conversation. jasper, despite wanting to tell her to fuck off, but is extremely polite and subtle and good at secret-keeping, (obviously), so he tolerates the conversation.

for some reason, it still doesn't go smoothly.

"where are you from?" "texas." "oh, nice! one of the other guides, jeremy, he's from austin." (a baffling pause, as though she's expecting him to say something to that inane statement.) "so was that where you learned how to ride?" "yes." "what'd you do?" "i was in the cavalry."

for some reason, that gets her to stop trying to talk to him, and jasper enjoys thirty seconds of blissful silence as she leads him into the pen of already-saddled horses.

this is what he's here for. who cares about the people, he's going to ride.

(he tries to ignore the fact that the horse she deposits him is extraordinarily fat, and so clearly done with life that he hardly has to try to calm it. it's fine. it is not a statement about what she thinks of his riding skill.)

(fine, it probably is. but she's clearly an idiot.)

anyways! he rides! it goes great! it's fine!

(anyone who says differently doesn't know what they're talking about and they weren't there anyway.)

"wow," the guide says as they start walking out toward the trail, "this is the most amped i've seen arrow like, ever." jasper, who is kicking the horse probably harder than a human would even be able to and getting absolutely 0 increase in speed, is not impressed.

"okay, we're coming up on a stream," she says at another point on the first insufferably long trail ride, as her mare splashes calmly through it. "your horse might not want to cross, so you need to just--"

jasper knows. he kicks harder.

the demon horse responds to this by deciding to jump across a stream that is literally the length of one of its steps.

jasper does not fall off. he just...gets down. very quickly. over the side of the horse's neck. onto his face.

his cowboy hat floats off downstream, but it was ugly anyway.

("okay no, my guy's definitely got the worst fashion boots," he overhears the guide saying to one of her coworkers during lunch, when they probably think they're out of human earshot, "did you see the fucking snakeskin patches--")

on another ridiculous ride through a bland, endless meadow, the nightmare horse stops dead in a patch of grass and ignores everything else, (including jasper's attempt to manipulate it into having any energy).

"he's trying to eat again," the guide says, sickly-sweet patient even though he can feel her amusement. "you just need to pull up to one side and kick forward!"

jasper comes the closest he ever has to revealing the vampire secret, (not counting the times he ate people), just so he can tell her that he knows, he has a perfect memory, the goddamn horse just won't do it.

in the second week he buys his way into--er, gets invited into--a more advanced session, with actual cows. of course, they leave him on the same asshole of a horse, who clearly doesn't know how to respond to basic commands like turning, even when he's putting all his weight into dragging the reins to the side.

("i'm pretty sure this dude has somehow never seen a cow," the guide complains during another lunch. "did you see the face he made when darren brought the herd in?" there's a beat, then they start giggling--if jasper had to guess, he'd say she's imitating said expression. which is just rude. he's seen cows before. obviously. he just wasn't expecting them to be literally covered in each other's shit. they smell so bad. who wouldn't make a face at that?)

anyways. the cattleworking is fine.

and he could totally have landed on his feet after the horse stopped out of nowhere if he wanted to.

he just needed to keep his cover. same for stopping the cow that tried to make a break for it and almost trampled him while he was down. he had it under control. he did not need the guide to electric-prod it in the face.

(alice and maría's voices are both laughing at him in his head now.)

one of the older men gently suggests that he might enjoy himself more going back to trail riding. that is also fine.

on day ten, he gets back to his cabin late (the girl asked if he wanted to help her brush down his horse today, and everyone else seemed excited about the option so he said yes, and now he smells like horse sweat), and goes to pull his twelfth new outfit out of the suitcase. (there is a washer/dryer in the cabin, but what does he look like?)

there's a note folded up in the button-down.

i'm picking you up in 15 at the front office, alice's chicken-scratch says, or you're going to snap and eat a bunch of horses and we're going to have to buy the ranch instead of getting me that paris studio that's going up for auction next year.

for a second, jasper considers ignoring it. he's not surrendering. this is his vacation goddamnit, he's fine--he rubs a hand over his mouth in thought, and an ungodly combination of horse hair, dirt, and hay smears onto his face.

20 minutes later, he's in the passenger seat, alice speeding around mountain passes and playing a pitying bluegrass CD for him.

"i had a good time," he tells her.

"sure, sweetheart."

"it was nice to cowboy again."

"mm-hmm, sweetheart."

"i do know how to ride horses."

"i know, sweetheart."

they drive the rest of the way back in silence.

(it never occurs to jasper that he should've left a tip.)

#is this original content?#jasper whitlock #ft. near-lethal amounts of sarcasm #& sponsored by the TOO MUCH TIME i spent working at a guest ranch in my late teens #look at me. JASPER IS NOT A COWBOY #(yes that remains my favorite hill to die on)#jasper is however the kind of shitty rich white man who THINKS he's a cowboy #trust me. i met so many of them doing that job #also for the record mass-market 'southwest' style blankets are predominantly copying navajo blanket patterns (w/out regard for the meanings #and rebozos are an Indigenous Mesoamerican (particularly Mexican) traditional woman's garment! not the same thing #but that was too much to get into in the story. ANYWAY #i hope you enjoyed me being a hater. if u didn't. that's ok i mostly wrote this for me #(also i DID listen to 'dude string trail' on repeat while writing this. for the vibes)

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typheus · 5 months

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god i forgot how bad getting ab bunch of new followers is :/

now main is my only getaway from the sideblog i made to getaway from main :/

#other #t talks #i just wanted to tag funny posts as my ocs #now ppl following for NEWS.#this is why i never comment on shit. just throw shit in the tags at best cause man...#like. im a broke unemployed navajo who draws women in space.#stop asking me about the entire history of indigenous ppls everywhere. what the fuck #anyways. the next clue for the mystery socks is tomorrow!

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 2 years

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Old man Gray Mountain telling his grandchildren legends about the early days of the Navajo people inside a traditional hogan in Coconino County, Arizona - Navajo - 1948

[Native Lives Matter]

* * * *

“I know that’s true,” Leaphorn said. “But I’m not sure I understand why.” “Because the collector gets the story along with the pot. People say why is that snake pink. He explains. That makes him an authority.” Tarkington laughed. “You Navajos don’t practice that one-upmanship game like we do. You fellows who stay in that harmony philosophy.”

Leaphorn grinned. “Be more accurate to say a lot of Navajos try, but remember we have a curing ceremony to heal us when we start getting vengeful, or greedy, or—what do you call it—‘getting ahead of the Joneses.’” “Yeah,” Tarkington said. “I could tell you a tale about trying to get a Navajo businessman to buy a really fancy saddle. Lots of silver decorations, beautiful stitching, even turquoise worked in. He was interested. Then I told him it would make him look like the richest man on the big reservation. And he took a step back and said it would make him look like a witch.”

Leaphorn nodded. “Yes,” he said. “At least it would make the traditional Dineh suspicious. Unless he didn’t have any poor kinfolks whom he should have been helping. And all of us have poor kinfolks.”

Tarkington shrugged. “Prestige,” he said. “You Navajos aren’t so hungry for that. I’ll ask a Navajo about something that I know he’s downright expert about. He won’t just tell me. He’ll precede telling me by saying, ‘They say.’ Not wanting me to think he is claiming the credit.”

The Shape Shifter (Leaphorn & Chee, #18)by Tony Hillerman

#Native Lives Matter #Navajo #The Shape Shifter #Tony Hillerman #quotes #stories #Old Man Gray Mountain

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cavedwellermusic · 11 months

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Yawning Man - Long Walk of the Navajo [English/Español] (2023)

An understated masterpiece from a legendary desert rock act

The trio present us with three long songs, full of subtleties and introspective melodies. The album proves that 'the devil is in the details' and at a first inattentive listen, the songs may seem monotonous or to be a long loop of the same thing. But there are variations that seem imperceptible when hypnotized by the insistent rhythmic and melodic base. Once we pay amore attention to the sounds that compose each piece, we see variations that enrich each track through subtle complex nuances.

El trío nos presenta tres canciones largas, llenas de sutilezas y melodías introspectivas. El álbum demuestra que "el diablo está en los detalles" y en una primera escucha desatenta, las canciones pueden parecer monótonas o un largo bucle de lo mismo. Pero hay variaciones que parecen imperceptibles cuando se está hipnotizado por la insistente base rítmica y melódica. Una vez que prestamos más atención a los sonidos que componen cada pieza, vemos variaciones que enriquecen cada tema a través de sutiles matices complejos.

#yawning man #stoner #desert rock #stoner rock #psychedelic rock #long walk of the navajo #heavy psych #cave dweller music #Bandcamp

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saltedsolenoid · 1 year

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i need to learn more navajo

#struggling through a basic introduction #and i'm actual trashshit at pronunciation despite the fact i'm considered the pronunciation man for every other language....#eeuuughhhhh #i'm not even navajo why do i take this upon myself i ask the heavens #and the heavens reply #'uuuuuh because you're a nosy bitch or something? idk'#(<- it's so much more complicated than that)

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ringneckedpheasant · 1 year

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#remembering with anguish a fic I read where the author made charles navajo #for the sake of making him more understanding of queerness bc of their gender system #when his mother is explicitly described as being from the great plains #like how could you miss the whole thing with the buffalo man what the hell

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simplyfroggy · 1 year

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i fucking love frybread so much i love it so much it’s so easy for dinner i had it with some stirfried veggies and chorizo just loaded it on there and it fucked so hard and then for desert i had MORE frybread with honey on it and it made me do a little joyful dance

#i followed instructions a navajo man posted on tiktok #i can’t remember his username but he posts good good recipes sometimes #thank you sir

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mouseandboo · 8 months

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Postcrossing US-9638034 by Gail Anderson Via Flickr: Postcard with a vintage photo of Native Americans. This is Gayetenito, the Sub-Chief of the Navajo and his wife. The Navajo inhabited the northern areas of what is now New Mexico and Arizona. Sent to a Postcrossing member in Canada.

#Native American #Navajo #American Indian #American #Sepia #Black/White #Man #Woman #Husband and Wife #Tribe #New Mexico #Arizona #Southwest #United States #Postcard #POstcrossing #flickr

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albertonavajoart · 2 years

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#Spideytober Day 17: Spider-Man Noir, designed by Marko Djurdjević

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ode-on-a-grecian-butt · 1 year

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I saw this on quora and thought it was cool and wanted to share it on here. Its a long read but crazy. Its from Erik Painter

They did try. And they did capture Navajo men. However, they were unsuccessful in using them to decipher the code. The reason was simple. The Navajo Code was a code that used Navajo. It was not spoken Navajo. To a Navajo speaker, who had not learned the code, a Navajo Code talker sending a message sounds like a string of unconnected Navajo words with no grammar. It was incomprehensible. So, when the Japanese captured a Navajo man named Joe Kieyoomia in the Philippines, he could not really help them even though they tortured him. It was nonsense to him.

The Navajo Code had to be learned and memorized. It was designed to transmit a word by word or letter by letter exact English message. They did not just chat in Navajo. That could have been understood by a Navajo speaker, but more importantly translation is never, ever exact. It would not transmit precise messages. There were about 400 words in the Code.

The first 31 Navajo Marines created the Code with the help of one non-Navajo speaker officer who knew cryptography. The first part of the Code was made to transmit English letters. For each English letter there were three (or sometimes just two) English words that started with that letter and then they were translated into Navajo words. In this way English words could be spelled out with a substitution code. The alternate words were randomly switched around. So, for English B there were the Navajo words for Badger, Bear and Barrel. In Navajo that is: nahashchʼidí, shash, and tóshjeeh. Or the letter A was Red Ant, Axe, or Apple. In Navajo that is: wóláchííʼ, tsénił , or bilasáana. The English letter D was: bįįh=deer, and łééchąąʼí =dog, and chʼįįdii= bad spiritual substance (devil).

For the letter substitution part of the Code the word “bad” could be spelled out a number of ways. To a regular Navajo speaker it would sound like: “Bear, Apple, Dog”. Or other times it could be “ Barrel, Red Ant, Bad Spirit (devil)”. Other times it could be “Badger, Axe, Deer”. As you can see, for just this short English word, “bad” there are many possibilities and to the combination of words used. To a Navajo speaker, all versions are nonsense. It gets worse for a Navajo speaker because normal Navajo conjugates in complex ways (ways an English or Japanese speaker would never dream of). These lists of words have no indicators of how they are connected. It is utterly non-grammatical.

Then to speed it up, and make it even harder to break, they substituted Navajo words for common military words that were often used in short military messages. None were just translations. A few you could figure out. For example, a Lieutenant was “one silver bar” in Navajo. A Major was “Gold Oak Leaf” n Navajo. Other things were less obvious like a Battleship was the word for Whale in Navajo. A Mine Sweeper was the Navajo word for Beaver.

A note here as it seems hard for some people to get this. Navajo is a modern and living language. There are, and were, perfectly useful Navajo words for submarines and battleships and tanks. They did not “make up words because they had no words for modern things”. This is an incorrect story that gets around in the media. There had been Navajo in the military before WWII. The Navajo language is different and perhaps more flexible than English. It is easy to generate new words. They borrow very few words and have words for any modern thing you can imagine. The words for telephone, or train, or nuclear power are all made from Navajo stem roots.

Because the Navajo Marines had memorized the Code there was no code book to capture. There was no machine to capture either. They could transmit it over open radio waves. They could decode it in a few minutes as opposed to the 30 minutes to two hours that other code systems at the time took. And, no Navajo speaker who had not learned the Code could make any sense out of it.

The Japanese had no published texts on Navajo. There was no internationally available description of the language. The Germans had not studied it at the time. The Japanese did suspect it was Navajo. Linguists thought it was in the Athabaskan language family. That would be pretty clear to a linguist. And Navajo had the biggest group of speakers of any Athabaskan language. That is why they tortured Joe Kieyoomia. But, he could not make sense of it. It was just a list of words with no grammar and no meaning.

For Japanese, even writing the language down from the radio broadcasts would be very hard. It has lots of sounds that are not in Japanese or in English. It is hard to tell where some words end or start because the glottal stop is a common consonant. Frequency analysis would have been hard because they did not use a single word for each letter. And some words stood for words instead of for a letter. The task of breaking it was very hard.

Here is an example of a coded message:

béésh łigai naaki joogii gini dibé tsénił áchį́į́h bee ąą ńdítį́hí joogi béésh łóó’ dóó łóóʼtsoh

When translated directly from Navajo into English it is:

“SILVER TWO BLUE JAY CHICKEN HAWK SHEEP AXE NOSE KEY BLUE JAY IRON FISH AND WHALE. “

You can see why a Navajo who did not know the Code would not be able to do much with that. The message above means: “CAPTAIN, THE DIVE BOMBER SANK THE SUBMARINE AND BATTLESHIP.”

“Two silver bars” =captain. Blue jay= the. Chicken hawk= dive bomber. Iron fish = sub. Whale= battleship. “Sheep, Axe Nose Key”=sank. The only normal use of a Navajo word is the word for “and” which is “dóó ”. For the same message the word “sank” would be spelled out another way on a different day. For example, it could be: “snake, apple, needle, kettle”.

Here, below on the video, is a verbal example of how the code sounded. The code sent below sounded to a Navajo speaker who did not know the Code like this: “sheep eyes nose deer destroy tea mouse turkey onion sick horse 362 bear”. To a trained Code Talker, he would write down: “Send demolition team to hill 362 B”. The Navajo Marine Coder Talker then would give it to someone to take the message to the proper person. It only takes a minute or so to code and decode.

youtube

#WW2 #Navajo code talkers #war in the pacific #Native Americans #Joe Kieyoomia #history

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candela888 · 11 months

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Same-sex marriage in 2003 vs. 2013 vs. 2023

(20 years of change)

More info below:

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2003:

Marriage : Netherlands, Belgium, British Columbia (CA), Ontario (CA)

Civil unions : France (including overseas territories), Germany, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Greenland, Rio Negro (AR), Ciudad de Buenos Aires (AR), California (US), New York (US), Hawaii (US), Vermont (US), Canary Islands (ES), Aragon (ES), Catalonia (ES), Andalusia (ES), Extremadura (ES), Castilla-La Mancha (ES), Castilla-Leon (ES), Madrid (ES), Valencia (ES), Asturias (ES), Basque Country (ES), Navarre (ES), Balearics (ES), Quebec (CA), Alberta (CA), Manitoba (CA), Nova Scotia (CA), Geneva (CH), Zurich (CH), Portugal.

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2013:

Marriage : Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, Brazil, Uruguay, Argentina, South Africa, Spain, Portugal, France (including overseas territories), Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, New Zealand, Washington (US), California (US), New Mexico (US), Minnesota (US), Iowa (US), Maryland (US), DC (US), New Jersey (US), Delaware (US), New York (US), Connecticut (US), Rhode Island (US), Vermont (US), Massachusetts (US), New Hampshire (US), Maine (US), Hawaii (US), Mexico City (MX), Quintana Roo (MX).

Civil unions : Greenland, Colombia, Ecuador, Merida (VZ), United Kingdom, Ireland, Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Finland, Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Australia

Recognizes marriages performed abroad : All 32 Mexican states and Israel

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2023:

Marriage : Netherlands (including overseas territories), Belgium, United States, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Colombia, US Virgin Islands, Ecuador, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, Chile, Malvinas/Falklands, France (including overseas territories), Spain, Portugal, Andorra, Germany, Slovenia, Switzerland, Austria, Malta, Guernsey, Jersey, United Kingdom, Isle of Man, Ireland, Gibraltar, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Greenland, Luxembourg, Faroe Islands, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Taiwan, Northern Mariana Islands, Guam, St. Helena, Pitcairn Islands, Gibraltar.

Civil unions : Bolivia, Italy, Cayman Islands, Bermuda, Aruba, Curaçao, Czech Republic, Hungary, Croatia, Montenegro, Greece, Cyprus, Estonia, Liechtenstein

Recognizes marriages performed abroad : Namibia, Israel, Nepal, American Samoa

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Future :

Same-sex marriage is under consideration by the legislature or the courts in Aruba, Curaçao, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Greece, India, Japan, Liechtenstein, Namibia, the Navajo Nation, Nepal, Thailand, and Venezuela, and all countries bound by the Inter-American Court of Human Rights (IACHR), which includes Barbados, Bolivia, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Guatemala, Haiti, Honduras, Nicaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, and Suriname.

Civil unions are being considered in a number of countries, including Lithuania, Peru, the Philippines, South Korea, Ukraine, China, Hong Kong, Japan, Latvia, Panama, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia, Thailand, and Venezuela.

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#map #maps #cartography #usa #latin america #mexico #data #americas #geography #europe #gay #lgbt #gay marriage #lgbtq #lgbtq history #lgbt history #history #lesbian #sapphic #marriage #pride

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