Dilf Jaehyun is in love with his sons (renjun) bestfriend 😫
best friend's dad (jaehyun)
warnings: dilf!jaehyun, dom!jaehyun, daddy kink, age gap (jaehyun is like in his late 30s, reader in university), mutual masturbation, fingering, oral sex (f receiving, m... briefly receives it LOL), praise, squirting, slight exhibitionism, consensual sex, unprotected sex
word count: 7.4k (what the fuck)
a/n: oh my gosh what a concept, hope u like this! ;) didn’t know if you wanted smut or not, so i just did it hahhrehr. btw i tried to show how jaehyun really liked reader and stuff. also i know it's common sense but please don't fuck your friend's dads, this is fiction for a reason 😭
this is not proofread. it's literally 5am rn. i have work in a few hours and im going to die. ANYWAY. hope you enjoy this. ps let me know if i missed out on any warnings or tags.
NSFW BELOW THE CUT, MINORS DNI!!!!
he’s not even certain when it started when he had you sleeping peacefully under his arm, thankful renjun was far away on a school trip.
jaehyun remembers the heartbreak of his past girlfriend, not so much of her bitter departure when he didn’t bother to spare her another glance. with frantic hands and wide eyes, she denies her infidelity even with the black and blue blooming on her neck, lips swollen from locking lips with someone else.
there’s flashes of exchanged promises that run through his head with the accidental baby. between them, there was the need to rely on the other. we’ll take of him, don’t worry! we’ll be okay. we’ll always be together, right? that’s what they need, a mom and a dad.
as renjun waddles out of his room in a confused state, jaehyun’s anger reaches an all time high. with renjun in the house?! what the fuck are you thinking?
there’s no memory of anything after. renjun’s confusion is overtaken by the sheer fury of jaehyun, screaming at his (ex-)girlfriend and her guilty lover to get out. with one swoop, he has renjun in his arms, hiding and cowering in his neck despite having just shouted his ass off.
although, when jaehyun coos at renjun after the whole ordeal, his heart breaks when a terrified expression appears on the boy’s face. he worries that it’s him that caused it, but through renjun’s sobs and wails he can hear, mom brought home a weird man, dad! i was so scared that i stayed in my room, i didn’t want to come out.
jaehyun only can sigh now, staring down at the papers in the office in his home, notes losing their legibility as the page stretches on. he’s tired, from the memory, from work, from dealing with pleas from his then girlfriend even after years of leaving her.
“dad? you good?” renjun carefully steps into the room easily since the door was already ajar. he knocks after the question, clinging onto the side of the door in hopes that his father was okay.
“hey, injunnie, i’m fine,” jaehyun sighs again, running a hand over his eyes before he marches towards the door. with an arm around his thirteen year old son, he proposes a place to eat with a lilt to his voice, knowing his son would accept it in a heartbeat.
“sure!” bingo. puzzlement seeps in next. “but can i bring a friend? she’s someone i met at orientation!”
that’s the first time jaehyun gets to know you. you’re generally quiet and polite when you introduce yourself, but he finds that you hold a conversation with renjun well, laughing out loud in the fast food joint with a burger in your mouth. your funny exchanges with his son brings a smile to his face.
at least his son wasn’t so alone now.
you stuck around longer than the male had expected, occasionally coming over for dinner while you hung out on the roof, in renjun’s room, on the couch. words and jokes flow easily from your mouth, even making quips with jaehyun himself when you’re more comfortable in the jung household. you’re a light in renjun’s life, even if he doesn’t know it.
jaehyun does, though. he sees how renjun is more open to showing emotions, more adamant on trying new things, and he compares it to the blinding grin the five-year-old renjun gives him years ago when he shows his dad a new toy. it makes his heart clench up all the same, content that you were able to give renjun the experience of enjoying life without the burden of a missing parent.
"what's a gap year?" he asks dumbly, watching the way you both gobble down your food an hour before your flight.
"ah, mr. jung, it's something like taking a break from your studies, maybe to find a job or to just rest, but you can also sort out what you wanna do in case you don't want to pick any terrible module that you end up not liking," you explain without a beat.
"i'm not sure of my career yet, mr. jung, that's why i'm going abroad. i want to enjoy myself - plus, if i find something good overseas, i can take it up!"
jaehyun only hums at that, stealing a fry from his son's tray before he leans back.
and later, when jaehyun's standing calmly with hands in his pockets and a lean in his posture, he ignores the tightening feeling in his heart as you bid farewell to renjun.
he compares the pull of his heart to the one he felt years ago, when he'd seen his then girlfriend for the first time. he knows it's wrong, it's disgusting, but he can't help but admire how you grow into your features, how valiant you could be in order not to fuck up your life.
hell, he would be the one to fuck your life up if he acted on his impulses. so he said goodbye like a normal dad, delivering flat jokes to got bad responses, slobbering over his meal like a dog, anything to get you to dislike him.
jaehyun isn't so sure when you shake his hand normally. were you disgusted? were you weirded out?
"y'know, mr. jung, this is the last time i'll be seeing you and you act so weird," you pout. jaehyun almost combusts in his place, "why didn't you give us another movie ramble?"
"i haven't watched a movie lately, kid, sorry about that," jaehyun pats your head, missing the way you tense up at the name. with a last wave, you leave for your flight with your sinking heart, unaware that your best friend's dad also had trouble with feelings.
feelings for you.
“oiii- renjun! stop spacing out!” you clap both hands in front of his face, recoiling once you hear how loudly it resonates in the quiet library. you get a few shush’s and glares, and with a poor attempt of an apology, you’re back to whispering to your friend that’s nodding off.
“why are you so sleepy today?” renjun only shrugs, blinking the fatigue from his eyes as he comes back to his senses of overdue assignments and eraser dust.
“my dad kept me up yesterday,” he groans, banging his head against the wood with a thud that garners a second round of glares from those around you and you have to stifle a giggle at that.
“why? talk your ear off about another movie?”
“nah, it was a lecture this time. i kinda like his movie rambles.”
you chuckle in response, “yeah, he’s pretty passionate about those. what was the lecture about?”
“he just worries about what i’ll do after i finish university. says he doesn’t want me to meet the wrong person and mess up,” he shrugs.
you hum, nodding in understanding. “plus he mentioned you.”
“he did?” you hide your surprise well. your excitement, not so much. a smile makes it way onto your face against your will. luckily, renjun was still staring ahead, lost in his thoughts of what he father lectured him on last night.
“said something about the gap year that you took. he suggested it to me, wanting me to find my calling,” renjun does air quotes on the last three words, an expression of disbelief pulling at his features. you frown, “what’s wrong with a gap year?”
renjun jumps. “ah, nothing- sorry if that made gap years in general seem like it was bad. it’s just- i don’t know- already know what i want to do, y’know?”
“oh yeah, you were pretty passionate about doing an onlyfans right?” renjun shoots a dirty look at you and your voice which sounded out the joke a little too loudly. he shoves you lightly, which in turn prompts you to shove him back with double the force.
he stops you before you can continue, a single finger pointed at your face. “not here, we’re gonna get banned again.”
“ooh kinky~ getting new content for your channel?” after scrambling for your things, you’re out of your seat in a second, beelining for the door with a cackle as renjun stays hot on your trail. “l/n y/n, you’re dead when i catch you!”
you were banned from the library again.
the both of you buy time in front of renjun's front door, for (mostly) renjun to calm down with his clammy hands and rapid heartbeats. it didn't do him well that he had to tell his dad about yet another ban from the library.
and when he opens the door, he regulates his breathing, catching the attention of jaehyun sitting on the sofa. if you weren't in the same predicament, you would've burst out in laughter. despite that, you don't, taken aback rather by the man sitting in the living room.
you wonder how he's still able to look so young with the same hairstyle he kept when you were younger, with the same sharp features he possessed when you were younger. with the lights of the television dancing across his face, you have to regulate your breathing.
his eyes move from his son's to yours, and his eyes widen just a little.
now he’s certain when it started.
it was when you’d moved away to take a gap year overseas. in that damned airport where he hoped you couldn't hear his beating heart and see his shaky hands.
he's certain when the feelings come back again where you're older than in that airport. body and curves grew into where they belong, your hair a little longer, the unmistakable aura you emanate now stronger along with the same flowery scent you wore.
"hi kids, how was school? plus, injunnie, you didn't tell me (y/n) was coming over today," jaehyun masks his nervousness, but now he certainly didn't miss the way you twitch at his use of the word kids.
"you didn't tell me (y/n) was back at all," the last words are lost to a whisper and he's lost in your gaze, tensing his fingers until they cramped.
renjun rolls his eyes, "i just forgot to tell, that's all. 's not a big deal, dad."
"oh, but, it is in the middle of the academic year. how were they able to accept (y/n)?"
renjun waves a hand for you to explain in his stead, "uhm- well, mine was a special case, i guess, you could say. i was able to get in with my grades from before, given that i show it in my work and assignments."
"a smart girl, eh?" the older man teases, eyes hyperaware at how your body reacts to his words. your chest moves in a gulp, your thighs rub against each other.
"guess so, mr. jung. i-"
renjun mumbles something before you can continue, "by the way, i'm banned from the university library again."
jaehyun laughs at that, a beautiful laugh that leaves his lips at how his son managed to break the rules again. at this rate, he would've checked off every rule in the book. he lets out a second chuckle as he realises how much his son takes after him.
"what did you do this time? fuck a girl in there?"
your ears perk up at the lewd word he uses, slipping from his mouth with little to no shame that it has you imagining many other ways he'd use it. renjun's whine drags you out of your daze.
at that, you're not sure if man reciprocates your needs and desires, whether he realises the many gazes you've given to him. you're hopeful when his eyes, fixated and dilated, flit back to you. that hope dies when it leaves yet again.
"...daddddd..." renjun whines, crumpling the paper in his hand that spelt out a letter to give to his parent or guardian. it was incomprehensible by now, creases and folds littering the paper and its words.
"we were just being noisy," renjun simply puts, plopping onto the couch and passing the wrinkled paper to his dad, "who told libraries to be so quiet."
you're left behind at the door, then, guilty for having so many thoughts about your friend's dad. with a few strides, you reach the couch to land a hand onto renjun's head, "it's a library, stupid. we could've gone somewhere else to hang out if you wanted to."
"yeah, but still. i like the tables there, it's nice to do work on there."
you roll your eyes at that, sitting right beside renjun as the movie plays on. there's a bit of disappointment on your side, but for now, you'd hold it in.
you're going to be too obvious if you sit down next to his dad instead.
"you do anything but work, renjun."
conversation dies, save for some of renjun's commentary and jaehyun's replied hums. the movie captivates you more than you like to admit, releasing a breath you didn't even know you were holding.
the conclusion to the movie was shocking, brutal, but so good when the protagonist gets what she wants. you would kill to be as cool as her, but for now, you'd stay with your knees to your chest as jaehyun exits from the movie player on netflix.
renjun sleeps soundly beside you, and you're not sure whether that's a good thing or not.
"got anything in mind, (y/n)?" his voice cuts through, through renjun's sleeping figure to you whose head peeked over your friend's.
"netflix, (y/n). do you wanna watch anything?" he offers the remote control to you and you take it without hesitation, turning back to the HDTV to scroll through your options.
"just keep at that, i'll get some popcorn. you want nachos?" you hope he sees your nod, unable to trust your voice as you type in a specific name. the nerves calm the longer jaehyun's away.
a laugh fills your ears, looking at the way the movie title shows on the screen, "shrek?"
"what? i like shrek..." you giggle nervously, receiving a tray of nachos from his hands.
"you don't have to tell me twice, (y/n)," jaehyun sets down two cups, putting down a box of popcorn on his side.
jaehyun's leaning over the back of the couch, keeping a safe distance between your faces. the tv's gone into a screensaver mood by now, painting the room in black with the absence of light. jaehyun's thankful your face wasn't fully lit, or else he won't be able to hold himself back.
for now, he's satisfied with the light that's barely visible on your face.
"uh, mr. jung?"
"sorry. can- can i sit next to you?" your gaze makes him feel so small, makes him feel like he's confessing again like a dumb schoolgirl and he knows he's anything but.
at least your smile is the one thing that makes him feel better, "sure." you're barely containing your anticipation now, turning back to face the tv as the sofa dips beside you.
in a minute, you're pressing play on the remote control.
the plot pleases you just like before, introducing shrek along with donkey as they head off to save fiona from her tower. you laugh at a particularly dirty joke that was smartly weaved into the dialogue, turning to see whether jaehyun would've noticed it.
your breath catches in your lungs when you find that he's already looking at you. the scene carries out like a lame rom-com, your ears tune out the movie, your body tingles to how jaehyun's looking at you, his mouth parts slightly.
except this was different. he was your best friend's dad, for fuck's sake.
jaehyun advances anyway, bringing up a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ears. that fantasy is broken when you recoil slightly, just in time with renjun's habitual movements in his sleep. it's timed well that jaehyun's unsure whether he stops out of instinct or out of your undesirable reaction.
you dread the next sigh of his, "(y/n)... i hope i'm not imagining things but... you do know your glances are not exactly subtle, right?"
blowing a raspberry, you take the other's hand to place it back on your face, "you say that, but you're the one losing control, mr. jung." you continue with the disclosure of your feelings.
"i... i also want you in that way, mr. jung," your confession is quiet and eyes downcasted, forgetting the weight on your face where his palm took its place. you twidle your fingers as a way to distract your aching core, although after, your vision is interrupted when the male covers his erection with his free hand.
you didn't even notice it at first, stuck in your trance of whether he returned your desire. you were sure now, head snapping up to his face where he lets out a relieved sigh. it brings your heart rate down a little and his smile is blinding even when the tv's the only thing illuminating the space.
jaehyun lets you do the talking.
"but... i'd like to- i'd like to take this slow. and maybe y'know- keep it a secret."
his grin subsides into a gentle smile, "'course, (y/n). i don't wanna force you into anything that you don't want to do, yeah?"
a small yeah slips from your lips, relishing in the warmth that the other's hand gave off that you shamelessly lean into his touch. you'd ignore the pulsing in your core for now, you'd ignore your sinful thoughts.
take it slow, you said.
you wanted anything but that.
when you're asking renjun if you can come over for the sixth time that week, he doesn't bat an eye as he writes down his notes in a frenzy, eager to catch whatever your professor's saying.
you, on the other hand, could only zone out on his dad as you skimmed through your closet mentally. so far, you've exhausted all your skirts, along with a few crop tops that felt odd on your body. you preferred oversized outfits, although you couldn't deny the liberating feeling when it hugs your body.
each time, you're able to get jaehyun riled up ever so slightly. with a bend over the counter, to the accidental drop of your spaghetti top. it was satisfying for you, seeing how his ears flush up and body tenses.
the male, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to ignore your timid claim of wanting to go slow. he wanted to take you on the couch, on the sink, in his bed.
it wasn't far from your own thoughts, head swirling with how he'd manhandle you once he figures out your game, how he'd stare you down while his ears burn.
on the first visit, you're fussing over renjun's nightmare as he awakens at twelve midnight. your efforts are somewhat restricted, then, having just said take it slow word for word just two hours before. jaehyun thinks how it would be if you soothe him, instead, when he dreams.
during the second visit, you purposely wore tight clothing, partially for your time at the university gym but mostly wanting to see the look on mr. jung's face. your sweat drips down provocatively, staining your shirt with dark spots that jaehyun has trouble keeping his eyes above your neck. he wonders how many boys have watched your ass jiggle and boobs bounce as you do your reps and wonders if he'd be able to fuck you better than they would.
on the third, you're bolder. your skirt barely covers anything as your upper body lowers in order to key in the numbers of the microwave. the plump of your ass is on full display through the fabric of your skirt and he's sure you're not wearing any underwear underneath. he wonders how your body would fit on the marble of his kitchen counter.
on the fourth visit, renjun shows off a new, cheap massager that he's bought from the convenience store beside the university. with three different settings, he reads and explains that it's meant to release the tightness in your muscles. you're the first one to step up to the challenge, talking calmly through the vibrations of the massager like how you would talking through a fan. in a second, it hits a sensitive spot, and the whimpers and moans you let out catches jaehyun's attention. his cock throbs at how you'd mewl and whine under him so much that he has to relieve his problem that night, trying his best to stay silent even long after you've left the jung household.
on the fifth? the fifth was uneventful.
you smile to yourself as you hype yourself up for the fifth visit of the week, pulling on renjun's arm a little too enthusiastically while you pack your bag simultaneously.
"goddamn, woman, calm down, what's gotten into you?" renjun questions with a raise of his eyebrow, taking his own sweet time to pack the notebook in his bag along with his stationery.
"just want to get off class, i guess. hurry uuuuppp!" to divert his suspicion, you suggest a fast food joint before you head over to his house. your mouth lets out a popped 'p' at the end of your yup when your friend asks if you're coming over tomorrow.
"okay, just confirming. you mind if we watch movies again tomorrow?"
you shake your head at that, dumping your money into the cashier's hand while they confirm your order.
"not at all."
today's fifth visit to his house was uneventful. with a skip in your step, you head straight for the couch to play board games, complete work or even watch something but you yelp in surprise when renjun drags you with a hand around your wrist.
he's headed straight for his bedroom, not even bothering to call out a greeting to his father. the other isn't any different, grunting in disapproval when you both enter the home. jaehyun watches as you get dragged lifelessly, not reacting once to your excited greeting.
"did y'all fight?" you mumble through your sweater, glad that you at least brought something to cover you up for today's lecture. it served its purpose again when you pulled it over your head to cover the skimpy outfit you chose for today.
renjun searches for the cheap massager he bought, "a minor one, yeah. fought about my future, again, kinda."
you sigh, "why don't you just tell him?"
"tell him what?" your friend groans, both at your infuriating question and the way the massager was able to unwind his taut muscles.
"i don't know. that you're sure if your career and path after uni?"
"he's just projecting onto me again, maybe. i know he's worried but... i can't say much when i didn't fuck around as a kid that ended up having a baby with his cheating girlfriend."
even with the story summarised in a few words, you still can't stomach it, heart breaking for the older man outside that you forget your teasing game for the time being.
"i understand, it's just... i wish he'd let me do what i want, you know? i wouldn't be so sure about this if i wasn't passionate about it."
you nod in agreement, scrolling through social media aimlessly before gesturing at renjun. he shoots you a look, but eases into an 'o' expression when he realises you want the massager.
"so, should i not come over tomorrow? i don't want to interfere if it makes y'all uncomfortable."
he waves a hand, "nah, it's fine. i'll think of something to make it up to him tonight. he usually caves into my movie night apologies often, i know him like the back of my hand."
you smile at that with the taste of bittersweetness lingering on your tongue. sweet, because you admire the close relationship he has with his dad. bitter because...
you just hope renjun wouldn't find out.
the next day on the sixth visit, you find yourself in a similar position like the first, nestled in between jaehyun and his son as a movie plays on the screen. it's an action slash thriller this time, the three of you enthralled by the protagonist's backstory and their drive to set their destiny right.
and just like the first visit, renjun manages to drift off asleep again, that you have to stifle a laugh, instantly turning down the volume of the movie.
"why does he always do this?" you giggle, searching around for a blanket before one appears in your line of vision. with a whispered thanks, you cover your friend with the blanket. your knee props up onto the couch to shelter every inch of renjun from the cold and while his dad would be extremely grateful, all he can thinks of is the way your butt is almost all up in his face.
jaehyun's breathing is laboured when your bike shorts ride up your thigh, showing more and more skin as you lean over more and more. that doesn't do it for him as much as the way the tight material accentuates your ass, though, eyes finally landing on your middle.
the spandex hugs your clit perfectly, showing your cunt to him with the addition of a soaked spot over it. it seems like you know what you're doing, adjusting and fidgeting your legs that highlights your dripping lips even more. he realises something.
you weren't wearing any underwear.
the moment you're back on the couch, jaehyun acts like nothing's happened, swallowing with a hint of frustration. you smile triumphantly.
"finally took a look huh, mr. jung?" your voice is an octave higher, subtly grinding into the couch below you to get any type of friction between your legs.
jaehyun looks at your side profile, nonchalantly focused on the movie in front of you, yet the faces you're pulling... it goes straight to his dick to how your mouth is parted in small whines only reserved for him.
"take it slow, my ass," he groans quietly, burying his face in your neck that your hips halt for a moment. if he couldn't touch you, he would at least savour in your scent.
"cover us, mr. jung."
you feel his smirk against your skin, "(y/n), you've been teasing me this past week and you still call me mr. jung?" with a tut, he retreats from your neck to retrieve a second blanket, swinging the fabric over your bodies.
"call me jaehyun, (y/n)."
"jae... hyun?" he swears that he almost cums on the spot at the way his name leaves your throat hesitantly.
"yeah, just like that."
if you were already this far, why not indulge in it all the way, right?
"and can you call me baby, jaehyun?" the name still felt foreign on your tongue.
the male coos, "of course, baby."
your grin makes his heart flutter, and as much he wants to hold back, you're already doing the job for him when you take his hand to place it on your stomach.
with a nod, you hint that his hand should travel lower until his fingers are deep into your hole, but he shakes his head.
you're ready to apologise. he cuts you off, "i need to hear you say it, baby."
jaehyun's the type of guy to confirm your consent? you were sold.
"yes, i want it."
"good girl," you preen at the praise, scooting closer to the other when his hand trails lower until it reaches your core. you gasp at the contact, immediately moving your hips against the roughness of his palm.
"you're soaked, baby. is this all for me?" he asks, dragging a finger along your folds. your nods answer his question, shivering at the friction as it plays with your clit.
the murmured words only add to your excitement and with his son only a few feet away, you will yourself to stay as quiet as possible. that backfires when he easily slips a finger in, using your arousal as lube.
"shit, fuck, sorry-" you relax when his finger stills, allowing you to get used to it before pumping it in and out of you.
"'s okay, pretty girl. just remember to stay quiet," jaehyun's gentle with you, but the finger moving in and out of you said otherwise. your hand grips onto his forearm like a vice, his single finger making such a mess out of you already.
the space between you is filled with your moans, the delicious squelching noises only adding to the tense atmosphere.
"second finger goin' in," he calmly says, inserting one more digit that stretches you out like no other. of course, your fingers could never compare, but you can't say the same for your toys. despite that, it's more pleasurable in the way his fingers curl that your dildos couldn't.
your choked whine makes jaehyun's cock twitch, eyes scrunching up in frustration as the fingers assume a particularly decent pace.
"faa.. faster jaehyun, please," your plead doesn't fall on deaf ears, and he speeds up his pace immediately, "oh god, oh shit, jaehyun..."
in the clarity of a second, your hand lands on his hardening cock, palming him through his trackpants that elicits a deep groan from him.
"baby, you're absolutely mad," he chuckles into the hand that's muffling his moans. it drones on when you spread your legs wider, pushing your hips into the air to take more of his fingers in your wet pussy.
your palm easily fishes out his dick, stroking him with ease where the sounds of his pre-cum mix with your slick, painting the room with an endless array of lewd noises. you find that he's mirroring the way the bottom half of your body moves, rutting into your hand.
"jaehyun, jaehyun jaehyuuuun....hhn-!" he's able to keep his composure better than you do, though, and the other has no trouble speeding up his pace once again with the repeated calls of his name.
"you gonna cum, baby? don't you want to make a mess of my fingers?" he whispers out, littering your neck with kisses. his fingers reach an animalistic pace, showing you just how fast he'll go when he finally sinks his cock into you.
a particularly hard thrust of his fingers drawls a long whine out of you, causing your hand to stutter just a little on his cock. he grunts, using his free hand to take it off his shaft.
"don't worry about me, honey. let's focus on you," you want so bad to insist on his pleasure as well, but the way his fingers move in and out of you clouds your brain like a drug that it makes you let out a pornographic moan.
"yes! y- wanna... wanna cum over your fingers, jaehyuuuun, fuck, fu-" all jaehyun can focus on is your delectable sounds, soft enough just for him where he knows he's the one to make you feel like this. his fingers hit your g-spot, angling it with no problem as you jerk at the sensitivity.
"'m cumming daddy- fuck, jaehyun! so good, so good!" you hope he doesn't notice the slip of your tongue, but his fingers continue anyway. with a last silent scream, you cream his fingers, soaking into the sofa's covers while you ride out your orgasm.
your thighs tremble and your breaths stay short, nails digging into the skin of his forearm while the other holds onto the cushion beside you for dear life.
"oh... oh my," you come down from your high after a minute, not recalling a time where you'd come this hard from your fingers or your toys.
jaehyun however, replays how you moaned out daddy in the spur of the moment.
"sorry uhm, fuck- was the daddy thing weird?" you mumble after your mind clears from the climax, mouth turning into a frown while his hand removes itself from your pants.
"it's fine baby. plus, daddy likes it." he laughs at how your mouth drops, even more when he places his fingers in his mouth. the male sucks the juices from his fingers, and the hum that rips from his throat makes your stomach churn with hunger.
"then... maybe... can i have a treat? your cock's still awfully hard, daddy," the pout sends jaehyun reeling, your big doe eyes staring down at him making him lose slip of his restraint.
a stir from beside you shocks you out of your sex-filled daze, and the voice that calls out to you makes the both of you freeze.
"was there a sex scene in the movie?" renjun groans and doesn't bother to listen out for an answer, squinting at the bright light coming from the television. he stays laid down in his position, eyes closed. "sorry i keep falling asleep, could you turn down the volume?"
"we'll do that, injunnie," jaehyun's voice immediately turns soft, reaching for the remote control to completely turn it off. renjun is too far gone in fatigue that he fails to realise that.
"scary..." you laugh out, rubbing fingers against your temple to ease the rapid beating of your heart.
"sorry, baby, you might need to wait for next time," the other's words are even softer now and it prompts you to face him as his cock softens in his hands.
you nod and giggle in understanding, patting his thigh as you get ready to leave the house. before you can do that, jaehyun pulls you back onto the couch.
"that was great, (y/n)," you smile at that, taking the chance to peck his lips before standing up again. as you find the bathroom to clean up, jaehyun leans back onto the couch with a sigh and a stare at his now sticky fingers.
he wonders what you taste like first-hand, with his mouth right on your dripping core.
jaehyun was unable to keep his hands from his pants from then on, getting turned on by the mere sight of you. it didn't help that you continued with your skin-showing outfits and teasing gazes, but whenever you both wanted to get intimate, renjun would always barge into the room or say something that needed your attention.
it was painful, to say the least. he hated how easily he gets an erection just thinking of you, he hates how you're so willing to help renjun out when he needs something, he hates how you have no problem teasing him without any thought of the consequences.
he'd take the chance, then, when renjun is due for a school trip in a few weeks time. he'll just have to make do with his imagination and his hand for now.
"dad, it's just- it's just a four day trip, you need to calm down with the briefs."
the older man rolls his eyes, "you never know when you accidentally orgasm in your underwear or whatever."
"oh, fucking hell, dad, please don't say orgasm, if you wanna go all out with the jokes then just say cum," renjun's expression is full of disgust as jaehyun roars in laughter, patting the other on the back while you two send him off. your friend's disgust doesn't last long, and the bounce back of the dirty joke is comfortably exchanged between the two.
"take care of (y/n), okay, dad?" his expression furrows, and jaehyun knows it's time to stop joking. bringing him into a side hug, renjun wraps one arm around his dad, "and you, please don't spoil the massager, i really like it a lot."
"that all you have say to me?" you pursed your lips.
"pft- kidding. encourage my dad to get some fresh air, yeah? all he does is rot at home and watch movies," said man rolls his eyes with a smile.
"take care, both of you."
"oh my god, just go already! it's not like you're going on a dangerous quest like a knight is." renjun's laugh carries on throughout the front yard to the uber that's waiting for him, but not before he throws you a double middle finger.
once you're sure that renjun's gone, you're the first to leave the porch, eager to have any part of jaehyun on you. but preferably, you'd like his cock the most.
"i love him, but sometimes he comes in at the wrong time."
that earns a laugh out of you, "sometimes? you mean all the time, right?"
"absolutely correct, baby." in the way his smirk darkens, you know you're in for a long ride. on the sofa you soaked weeks ago, you spread your legs for him, a wet patch already all over your panties.
you play with your clothed cunt gently, eliciting a groan from the other when he sees the string of slick connecting from your underwear to your fingers.
"please eat me out, daddy," you pull up your trump card, grinning when he finally breaks and reaches your figure in a few seconds.
"if my baby asks, then who am i to deny her?" he smiles, already pulling your panties to the side. he admires how it glistens in the afternoon sun, briefly thanking the real estate agent's advice for placing the sofa beside the window.
by then, your juices run from your cunt down to the fabric below you, smeared all over your thighs by how much you've been rubbing it against each other.
jaehyun pulls up his trump card, which involved his gifted tongue pressed flat against your pussy. with renjun out of the house, your moans reach every inch of the room. the man below you draws out every sound possible from your throat, sucking and prodding at your hole with his tongue.
he moans into your cunt, seeing how you groan and thrust up in his face at the feeling. jaehyun laps at your pussy lips, not letting a single drop leave his mouth as you get drunk on the feeling.
"uhnnn- daddy, fingers- fingers please-" you whimper out, bucking your hips into his lips where he easily accommodates your desperate grinding.
he growls at the repetitive name-calling, flicking his tongue against your folds like a starved animal. slowly, he inserts two fingers into you, relishing in the way your clench around him.
he chuckles mockingly, "is this how you'll be around daddy's cock, huh? so tight, so so tight, just for me."
you almost gush around his words, mewls spilling from your lips in begging for your release. yes, yes, yes, spills from your lips, and just like the first time, he picks up his pace until you're groaning into the living room.
"daddy! daddy, s'full! your fingers feel so full! cumming, 'm cumming...!"
with a curl of his fingers, your juices gush and squirt around his digits, tongue and fingers continuing their ministrations even after you reach your orgasm. it stains jaehyun's face and fingers, and he has to catch a breath as he cleans the juices around his mouth.
"need to fuck you, baby, i need to fill your cunt up, baby."
"but- i haven't even given you my promised blowjob yet," you frown, running a hand through his hair.
jaehyun chuckles, "it's fine, pretty girl. i need you now."
your scream of surprise makes the male laugh again, swooping you up to take you to the bedroom, "let's not fuck on the sofa."
you let out another yelp when he throws you on the bed, suddenly feeling intimidated by how jaehyun crawls toward you.
"you gonna let daddy fuck you good? hm?" his demeanour changes immediately, removing his boxers with ease before his shaft springs up to hit his stomach. he smiles at your shock, although that disappears when you spread your pussy lips with your fingers.
"p...please... fill me up, daddy. you're gonna feel so full in my pussy, want you to fuck me dumb-"
"do you, now?" jaehyun can't deny how your words make him feel, and with your pulsing hole displayed all for him, he wants nothing more than to sink your cock in him to fuck you silly.
"so much! want your big cock to stretch me open- oohhhh..." your words are cut off when he does just that, stuffing you full as he inches into you bit by bit. it's addicting, how well he fits in you, and when he bottoms out, you both groan.
"you're so fucking tight, baby- how are you so... tight!" his hips start thrusting them, loving the way how your cunt hugs his dick so tightly that he lets go then and there. slowly, he gets the rhythm in, hips meeting your skin effortlessly considering the way you're sucking him in.
the wet slaps resonate in the room, along with your sopping cunt that seemed to drip with arousal with every word that falls from his lips.
"who's making you feel this good, baby? who?!" a gasp leaves your mouth at his aggressiveness, the constant, consistent movements of hips causing your reply to come out stuttered and broken.
"y- you are, daddy! you're the only one to... hhmhm! to make me feel this good!" it comes out in a poor attempt of a sentence, "your cock is so deep in me! so deep, 'm so full!"
jaehyun growls at that, fucking into you with even more fervour now that he knows his effect on you. you're taking every inch of him like a good girl, noticing how your tongue lolls out and your eyes are rolled back into your head.
the sight makes him smile, driving his cock deeper into you with each move of his hips. it's slow, hard thrusts, now, savouring how your leaking core feels against his skin and balls.
the few moments of jaehyun's calculated thrusts clear your mind just a little, "why'd you slow down, daddy? didn't i say i wanted to be fucked dumb?"
"gotta be careful what you ask for, pretty girl," you clench around him at the pet name, and with that, jaehyun loses himself again, rutting into you with an intense pace.
"you want to be fucked till you can't remember your own name? i'll do that." he proves it when his pace matches his fingers just a few minutes ago, the squelches from your pussy spurring him on.
the knot in your stomach tightens and tightens. jaehyun knows, taking pleasure in how dumb you look under him and he's full-on grinning when you jerk at the sudden stimulation of your clit, thumb rubbing at the bundle of nerves.
"'m cumming, daddy! daddy! daddy!" you chant it like a mantra, your mouth full of nothing but the pathetic cries of daddy and how full you feel.
you're convulsing, shuddering at the way the knot finally snaps and you're creaming all over his cock in an instant, staining the sheets below you as your moans come out choked, voice hoarse from how much you've been whimpering all day.
"c'mon, gimme your mouth," you whine when his cock leaves your hole, clenching around nothing while you're brought up to your knees with a tug on your wrists.
you giggle drunkenly at how easily you submit to jaehyun, the red tip of his cock pushed against your lips.
"take my cum down your throat like a good girl." your face is fucked out, taking his dick with a tongue that works its way around the tip and right into mouth with a slurp. the warm sensation mimics how he felt in your cunt and he cums instantly, shooting ropes and ropes of cum into your mouth.
"yeah... j..just like that, good girl..." he mumbles to you, with both hands finding their home in your locks. they force your head down onto his cock to take the last bits of his cum, warm and slick down your throat.
you giggle again, stretching out the ache in your knees as you plop down onto the bed. with a wave of your hand, you're asking him to lay down with you, clear that fatigue is already seeping into your bones.
with a smile, jaehyun takes his place beside you while you curl up into his embrace, the thick duvet covering your bodies as your breath evens out and an am wraps around your middle.
"i hope you know this isn't the last time."
jaehyun doesn't expect you to hear it but when you do, the reply sends his heart beating fast.
"i'm glad, jaehyun... i really want to get to know you again," you mumble out, words slurring in your tired state.
"me too, (y/n), me too."
538 notes · View notes
❝ word has it that yuta nakamoto is the new black. personally, i think whoever came up with that is deeply disturbed. ❞
PAIRING ▸ yuta nakamoto x fem!reader (ft. wong yukhei)
GENRES ▸ slow burn, smut, crack, fluff, angst, college au, enemies to lovers, summer romance au, mutual pining
WARNINGS ▸ reader is super shallow at first but !! character development, mentions of family issues, sexual tension, love triangle, yuta and reader bickering all the time, teasing, sneaking around, corruption kink, yuta calls you princess and kitten, fingering, overstimulation, exhibitionism, oral (fem. receiving), i promise it’s fluffy after the angst
SUMMARY ▸ despite having everything in the palm of your hand, you soon realized that not everything could be won over by money and your jaw-dropping looks. unfortunately, you had to come to that conclusion when your birthday present was the bane of your existence, yuta nakamoto.
PLAYLIST ▸ here!
WORD COUNT ▸ 27739 words
AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i'm so sorry for the wait but it’s here !! thank you so much for your support on this series, it always makes my heart swell to see the love it gets! part of the dunk shot! series but it can be read separately ♡
DIAMONDS WERE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND, BUT LEE TAEYONG WAS YOURS.
Sometimes, you wished your father sent you off to an elite private university, but you supposed a public university wasn’t too bad when you found the right crowd. The issue for you was that you simply couldn’t relate to the people around you. There was no right crowd when you were a pearl among stones. It wasn’t like you were classist or anything, but public school students just didn’t suit your taste.
Although, Taeyong was an exception to that. You weren’t just settling for him as your best friend because he was all you had, but maybe somewhere deep down in your tiny, diamond-encrusted heart was a space for Lee Taeyong. He had been your rock since high school, after all.
Bees flocked to pretty flowers, but when you were pretty and rich, it was a bit unnerving for some. In high school, Taeyong approached you and befriended you first. Initially, you were a little hesitant to become friends with him, but you soon realized he wasn’t like your other friends who had only tried to get close to you for your money. Sure, money was great, but you wanted friends, not leeches.
“This sucks,” Taeyong muttered, letting his head hang dejectedly. “I can’t believe I failed the quiz again.”
“You can still retake it,” you offered. “It’s not like it’s going to affect your grade.”
Taeyong shrank a bit at your comment, admitting, “My mom said she’s gonna send me to a tutoring camp if I don’t improve.”
“Are you kidding? That’s lame. She’s way too hard on you.”
You didn’t want to think about what would happen if Taeyong got busier than he was already. He was one of your only genuine friends, after all, and you felt lonely when he was away. Deep down, you understood that you couldn’t rely on him for everything, but he was still your anchor.
School had ended and you were, as usual, walking Taeyong to basketball practice before you attended to your other affairs. Taeyong’s car was out for service for what seemed like forever, so you, being the generous friend you were, offered to pick him up from practice and drive him back home every single day. Today was the last day of practice before you guys had your summer break, so you were feeling a bit nostalgic about this last drop-off.
“Hey, Y/N,” Taeyong started, turning to face you upon arriving at the gym. “I don’t need you to pick me up today. The basketball team’s having a party after practice so I’m gonna get a ride from Jungwoo.” Your face fell, and Taeyong seemed to take notice because his features softened considerably. “I’m sorry. I can stop by later if you want.”
“Well, sure,” you replied, a touch distant before you perked up. “You can make it up to me by hanging out with me this weekend.”
He grinned. “Done deal.”
Honestly, driving was a pain in the ass, but today was the last day before break. Sure, you could call Taeyong and ask him to hang out with you, but there was something nostalgic and comforting in your daily routine of driving him around and hanging out with him at school.
It was absolutely cruel that your birthday was during the holidays. The problem with hanging out with Taeyong outside of school was that the both of you were always indecisive about plans. When you wanted to go to the Ansan Starlight Village, Taeyong wanted to go to the convenience store; when you wanted to eat gratin dauphinois, Taeyong wanted chicken wings; and worst of all, when you wanted to hang out, Taeyong wanted you to come over to his place where he roomed with the man who made you want to tear up your Givenchy bag.
Yuta Nakamoto, the bane of your existence.
You couldn’t fathom why Taeyong would ever want to associate himself with the slimeball. Sure, he was the object of many girls’ wet dreams, but Yuta was vile and an absolute menace to society. Maybe society was a stretch, but Yuta Nakamoto was hellbent on making your life miserable and you despised him for it.
Your hatred for each other stemmed from various past events. On the first day of your first year, you felt like the parking space for your Bugatti Chiron was far too suffocating, so you took up two of them. Clearly, Yuta didn’t seem to like this, so he started an argument with you in the student parking lot. He didn’t seem to appreciate you telling him that your car could run faster than his mouth.
On another occasion, you happened to be lab partners with Yuta. You didn’t remember enough to delve too deep into the details, but in short, the both of you ended up being sent to the principal’s office and were reprimanded for not being able to go a minute without getting on each other’s nerves. Although, it did amuse you that Yuta’s weak spot happened to be when you talked down on his sexual performance.
Since then, the two of you had always been on sour terms. Recently, it worsened when you were talking to Taeyong about applying for the student body president and Yuta had overheard you two. Yuta started up a banter with you, as usual, and he ended up saying something that stuck with you. Granted, you did jab at him yourself, but he crossed the line.
You don’t care about anyone but yourself, do you?
That honestly kind of stung.
You seriously couldn’t understand why anyone would ever tolerate Yuta Nakamoto. If someone had a terrible personality, they should at least be able to make it up with their looks, but Yuta was the complete package for disaster. He had scary eyes and long hair that desperately needed a trim. Sure, maybe it was a little cute, but you still hated his guts. Nothing would ever bring you to even remotely like that cockroach, not even if he flashed one of those heart-wrenching smiles.
“Taeyong, are you coming?”
Well, speak of the devil and his sickeningly husky voice.
“Yeah, just give me a second,” your best friend responded.
“Oh, it’s her again,” Yuta mumbled, his smile fading. “Don’t you have other things to do, Y/N? Like updating your social media for the tenth time this week?”
“Yuta Nakamoto,” you started, forcing a thin-lipped smile. “I have been nothing but civil towards you, so I’d greatly appreciate it if you could reciprocate that.” A light scoff escaped your lips before you continued, “Also, I am not posting another picture until I take one with better lighting.”
“My bad. I almost forgot you were more selective than Harvard admissions.”
You let out a sigh, deciding not to engage. Yuta had his own reputation and you had yours; thus, you realized it was best to stay out of his business so you could uphold your own. However, the longer he lingered around you like a fruit fly, the more you were tempted to snap at him.
“Don’t you have balls to play with?” you asked, trying to shoo him away.
The corner of Yuta’s lip twitched like he was trying not to laugh. He seemed to be in a good mood today.
“A dirty joke from Y/N? Never thought I’d live to see the day.” He raised his eyebrows at you, glancing at Taeyong who looked absolutely miserable. “Is she coming to the party?”
“I’m not,” you replied curtly, “but you two have fun.”
“You’re not?” a voice called from behind.
You turned to see the golden boy right behind you and Taeyong. His kind eyes softened and peered at you curiously. Even though you had gone to school with him for years and seen him almost every day, you could never get over how insanely attractive he was.
You supposed your crush on him began at the freshman welcoming party when Jaehyun fended some creepy seniors away from you and walked you back to your dorm. It was probably the bare minimum a guy could do, but Jaehyun didn’t know you or your money, helping you out of pure, genuine kindness. Oddly enough, that was rather comforting to you. That was when you first started to notice him, and as you got to know Jaehyun, you started to fall for him more and more.
“Well, now she’ll probably go to the party,” Yuta muttered under his breath.
“It’s a basketball party, right?” you asked, shooting Yuta a glare. “I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re invited.” Jaehyun grinned at you and grabbed Taeyong by the shoulders, dragging him inside the court. “You’re a friend, after all.”
When Jaehyun and Taeyong were inside, greeting the other members (especially Jaemin, who tried to jump onto Jaehyun’s back), you were left with Yuta Nakamoto and the shocking words that Jaehyun had left behind to settle upon you. You were still trying to process what he said, letting them sink into your skin like poison.
“Ouch.” Yuta tutted. “You’re too deep in the friendzone. I don’t know if there’s any salvation at this point, Y/N.”
The disbelief must have been clear on your face but you composed yourself quickly.
“I could care less,” you said, “and, for the record, I am going to that party.”
And you were going to look like you were ready to break hearts.
Cinderella’s stagecoach was a pumpkin; yours was Yuta Nakamoto’s silver truck.
The pumpkin was starting to sound like quite the deal.
Approximately twenty minutes before the party started, Yuta knocked at your door. You weren’t close to being ready and didn’t quite appreciate being rudely interrupted in the middle of your quest to pick out the perfect outfit. On top of that, you would have preferred anyone but Yuta behind your door, but you were doomed to be tortured by his presence.
When you opened the door, you had a full face of makeup and perfect hair, a stark contrast from your pink pajamas and slippers. Yuta raised a brow at your appearance, clearly holding in a laugh that was only halted by your warning glare. You would have much preferred Taeyong picking you up, but either way, there was no logical reason for Yuta to pick you up when you could drive to Jaehyun’s house yourself.
You cut to the chase. “What are you doing here?”
“Should I say hi to your mom?” he asked, swiftly ignoring your question.
“She’s not home,” you answered.
“Not in the picture.”
Yuta whistled lowly. “Daddy issues, huh?”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, already irritated with the direction this conversation was going in. “Yuta, seriously, what are you doing here?”
“What do you think? I’m picking you up,” Yuta replied coolly. “Taeyong asked me to.”
“I can drive,” you reminded him, a sneer curling at your lips, “and you can go now.”
“I’m not drinking tonight and you are, so I think you should just take the ride because I’m not letting you drive intoxicated,” he replied with a reprimanding scoff. “Now finish getting ready unless you’re coming to the party like that.”
You didn’t exactly know how you felt about leaving Yuta in your foyer. In a house worth millions, you weren’t sure you could trust him and his wandering eyes. However, he was Taeyong’s friend, and Taeyong wouldn’t be friends with someone who was all that bad.
“Fine,” you decided. “Stay here.”
Without giving Yuta any direction on where to wait, you marched upstairs, making a great effort to stomp on each step with your fluffy slippers. Something about having a guy waiting for you downstairs was unnerving, and it didn’t help that it was Yuta Nakamoto, who looked exactly like the kind of guys your parents didn’t want you bringing home.
Usually, it took you ages to choose what to wear; however, you were on a bit of a time crunch now. You decided against one of the several dresses you had laid out on your bed and settled for jeans and a tank top. Yuta’s casual appearance was definitely not a factor in your decision, but you were coming to the realization that subtly was key. You could break hearts in casual clothing any day.
You didn’t even think your outfit was all that great until you walked downstairs and caught Yuta staring at you. His jaw fell slack for a moment and he turned away to regain his composure. This was probably the first and only time you thought Yuta Nakamoto was being endearing.
Not that you would ever admit that.
Plus, he didn’t look too bad right now. He always had potential in him, and seeing him accessorizing and wearing shirts that showed off his biceps was flattering. His shoulders looked broad and strong and his eyes gleamed under the lights. His scruffy hair was looking rather attractive, too, and you were faced with the terrifying realization that Yuta had always been hot in more of a rugged way.
“You’ll catch flies,” you said bluntly, moving past Yuta to get your purse.
You expected a backhanded remark in return but Yuta needed some time for a proper comeback. While your back was turned, you grinned at the thought of Yuta Nakamoto being so shy in front of you.
“Shut up,” he settled with. You thought he was done talking to you for the night by the way the both of you ended up walking to his truck in complete silence. Hell, even the first half of the drive was just the both of you sitting awkwardly, gazes fixed on the road ahead. But then Yuta asked, “What do you see in a guy like Jeong Jaehyun?”
“I don’t know,” you admitted. “He’s hot.”
That got a laugh out of Yuta. “At least you’re honest.”
You felt unsettled. Sitting next to Yuta and actually getting along with him was not how you expected to spend your night. It felt like some fever dream that you were going to wake up from in seconds and then forget about a few days later.
“You try to cut corners too much, Y/N,” he continued. “Love is slow.”
Yuta had unexpected depth.
“Real poetic,” you deadpanned. “Which soap opera did you get that from?”
“I’m serious,” he said, voice dropping an octave, and you could see the playful glint in his eyes disappear. “I see you drool over Jaehyun like he’s a piece of meat, but I don’t see any genuine interest from you.”
You looked out the passenger seat window, casting your eyes down where you could see the road glide past you. This felt like a rejection before you even had the chance to speak to Jaehyun himself.
“Who do you think I’m genuinely interested in then?” you asked, tone growing bitter. “Since you’re so sure of yourself.”
However, you didn’t end up getting an answer because all traces of the conversation seemed to disappear from Yuta’s mind when he parked in front of Jaehyun’s house. You felt unsettled with how the discussion ended but still allowed Yuta to skirt around his truck to open the door for you. Without making eye contact, you not-so-gracefully stepped off, managing to slip when your heel met the pavement at an awkward angle.
Yuta’s arms wrapped around your waist before you could even process you were falling. You swallowed hard, daring your breath not to hitch in front of him because you would rather drop dead than appear vulnerable in front of him. You could smell the faintest wafts of cologne from Yuta’s body by how close you were, and it was intoxicating.
“Easy,” he spoke in a low voice.
“I can walk,” you said, straightening up. Yuta’s hands retreated to his sides and you were left with his touch still lingering on your skin, still burning.
You walked past him to go inside Jaehyun’s house, texting Taeyong as you did to inform him that you were there. You were ready to complain to him about making Yuta pick you up. The music was so loud you could feel it vibrating along the ground beneath you, and the smell of weed hit you before you even walked inside.
There was a gaggle of whispers instantly, something about a you-and-Yuta thing, which pissed you off. It must have had to do with the fact that he was tailing behind you like a lost puppy, but you weren’t exactly too keen on telling him off in front of everyone.
“Is she with Yuta now?” you heard from the corner of the living room. “Guess that means he’s off the table now, huh? Shit.”
You narrowed your eyes and spun around to face Yuta, making him stop dead in his tracks, wide-eyed. “Where’s Taeyong?” you asked loudly over the music so that he wouldn’t have to ask you to repeat it.
Yuta’s eyebrows rose to signal that he understood what you said and looked over your head, moving his hands to your shoulders so he could maneuver you away from the pack of guys shotgunning a beer in the living room. More than anything, you just wanted to be out of sight from the girls, so you went along with him. Yuta moved you to the kitchen where Taeyong was refilling his cup.
“There you go, princess,” Yuta mocked.
You made a face at him, scrunching up your nose at the nickname before walking over to Taeyong. “Hey! You’re a dick, you know that, right?”
“What?” Taeyong asked, alarmed. He nearly dropped his cup at your harsh words but then the corners of his lips hitched up into a smile. “You made it!”
“Yeah, whatever,” you brushed off his excitement and fixed a glare at your best friend. “Why would you ask Yuta Nakamoto to pick me up when I clearly hate his guts?”
Taeyong rose a brow, confused. “What? I didn’t—” He paused and something seemed to dawn upon him as if he realized something. He chuckled and turned back to his drink. “What a loser.”
“Nothing at all.”
You rolled your eyes, pursing your lips upon recalling the girls from earlier. “Word has it that Yuta Nakamoto is the new black,” you told him as you started getting a cup for yourself. Taeyong raised his brows in amusement. “Personally, I think whoever came up with that is deeply disturbed.”
“So,” Taeyong started, taking a sip of his mixed drink, “what’s going on between you and Yuta?”
You nearly dropped the bottle of vodka you were about to pour into your cup. “Excuse me?”
Taeyong shrugged. “I’m just saying, even though he’s one of my friends and it’d be kinda awkward at first, I have no objections if you guys were to—”
“Whoa, slow down,” you interjected. “Yuta and I? That’s disgusting, Taeyong. Why would you ever think of something like that?”
“You like him, right?”
“No, I like—”
“You like Jeong Jaehyun… apparently,” your best friend finished for you. “I could tell.” That was somewhat of a shock to you. Only Yuta had found out through simple observation; your attraction towards Jaehyun was something you kept bottled up. Taeyong continued, “Jaehyun’s one of my best friends. I know he’s off the market, Y/N.”
“What?” you asked, voice coming out shakier than expected.
“Jaehyun doesn’t hook up with girls, but I know he’s been seeing one,” he said. “If it’s him, I know it’s serious.”
You didn’t want your voice to sound thick with emotion, so you took a shot, hoping it would drown out all thoughts of you making a pathetic fool out of yourself. If Jaehyun truly was seeing someone else without publicizing it to everyone, what were you even doing all this time?
But you were here to break hearts—not the other way around—so you straightened your back and tilted your chin up.
“Okay, but Yuta doesn’t even like me.”
“He likes you.”
“That’s rich.” You let out a scoff. “That must explain why he never lets me forget he hates my guts.”
Taeyong glanced over and grabbed the shoulder of the nearest guy, who happened to be Wong Yukhei—captain of the football team and blessed with looks that rivaled the Greek gods. Yukhei was similar to Jaehyun in a way; they were both lone flowers on the edges of cliffs, far from anyone’s reach. They were to be admired from afar, and anyone who dared to ask them out would be out of their mind.
You used to hang out with Yukhei in high school, often going to parties with him and driving to get boba. You remained on good terms but naturally drifted apart in college. That never stopped you from meeting up with him occasionally, but you weren’t as close as you used to be.
“What’s up?” Yukhei nodded in Taeyong’s direction, glancing between the both of you for a second.
“You know Yuta likes Y/N, right?” he pressed.
“Yeah, he’s down bad.” A slow smile spread across Yukhei’s face and he turned to you. There was only kindness in his eyes but his gaze still made you shy away. “Do you like him back, Y/N?”
“No way,” you denied firmly, pushing at his arm. “Run along now, Yukhei.”
“He likes you,” Taeyong repeated firmly once Yukhei had his fun laughing at you and walked away. “Haven’t you had guys tug your hair in grade school to get your attention?”
“Yuta is an adult in college.”
Taeyong gave you a pointed look. “Men regress to elementary schoolers when they’re in love, Y/N.”
“Excuse me? Love?”
“Did I say too much?”
Love? You understood attraction—that was a given for people when they saw how good you looked. Love, however, was in a dimension far beyond your understanding. Those thoughts just circled you back to the you-and-Yuta thing from earlier. There was absolutely no you-and-Yuta thing. There couldn’t be a you-and-Yuta thing. If Yuta Nakamoto liked you, then wouldn’t that be the end of every interaction you would ever have with him?
“God, I need some air.”
Taeyong only smiled as you shook your head and marched off. You pushed your way past the crowds of sweaty teenagers grinding up against each other, holding your cup up to ensure it wouldn’t spill onto your outfit. The outside air was cool against your skin and you felt like you could breathe again. At least until you saw the one man you were dreading to encounter.
“What’re you doing in the pool?” you asked, indignant.
“Swimming,” he answered, shooting you an odd look. “Care to join?”
You scoffed. “In a pool full of sweaty, drunk men? I’ll pass.”
Yuta put his hands on the ledge and hauled himself up and out of the pool. You stepped back, scrunching your nose as he wrung the water out of his loose white shirt and the legs of his red sweatpants. You had to admit, he looked incredible with the beads of water glistening on his skin and his damp hair over his forehead. He met your eyes, and you quickly averted your gaze.
“I got rejected,” Yuta said loudly.
You couldn’t hide the shock on your face. Here you were, letting Taeyong trick you into thinking Yuta liked you when that wasn’t the case at all. You felt like an absolute idiot. The shame burned in your chest.
“About time,” you replied with a light scoff. “I’m glad they humbled you, whoever they were.”
Yuta ignored your comment and asked, “Can we go somewhere quieter?”
He looked somewhat pathetic, all drenched and rejected, so you agreed.
You followed Yuta away from the pool. He led you to a few lawn chairs that were stranded a little away from the pool. They were a bit damp but you still sat down, knowing Yuta would just offer his lap instead. He took a seat next to you on the same chair and let out a discontent sigh.
“You got your heart broken that bad?” you asked.
You pursed your lips at the sight of him. You weren’t used to the source of your misery being so down in the dumps. It was making you feel irritated; only you were allowed to have that effect on Yuta Nakamoto. Plus, you couldn’t imagine anyone breaking his heart when he was so thoughtful, so attractive, and so—
Was your inner monologue favoring Yuta right now? Taeyong had messed with your mind to the extent that you couldn’t even trust your own brain right now.
“No, I didn’t even like her like that,” Yuta replied.
You hadn’t yet voiced any of your thoughts, but you were starting to feel second-hand embarrassment for yourself for defending Yuta. He didn’t even care that much and you were going on and on about how great he was.
“Then why are you so upset? Are you stressed? You know, stress gives you wrinkles, Yuta,” you reminded.
Yuta seemed to revert to his indifferent attitude at your comment. “Is that why your forehead’s been looking different lately? Jaehyun’s been stressing you out?” he jabbed.
You gasped, hands flying up to prod at your forehead. Just as you thought: no wrinkles; Yuta was just a prick.
You sneered at him. “I’m trying to be here for you.”
“That’s cute,” Yuta said, “and absolutely nothing like you.”
“Well, I’m intoxicated, so I’m not in the right headspace to wish endless torment upon you.”
“You know what’s tormenting?” Yuta asked with a smile. “You.”
“I’m aware. It’s not hard to forget when you remind me every single day.”
Yuta looked past you and sighed. He was confusing you more and more by the minute. At first, it was heartbreak, but now he had no feelings for the girl yet was still upset. You couldn’t wrap your head around what he was thinking. You snapped your fingers in front of Yuta’s face to get his attention, looking at him expectantly for an answer.
“I wanted to get with someone else,” he explained, “so I could get over you.”
“What?” you spluttered out. “Isn’t that kind of shitty of you? Pretty sure that’s a war crime.”
“It’s very shitty. I don’t recommend it.”
You just gaped at him.
“Are you drunk enough for this?” he asked, peering over at the contents of your cup. “Drink some more.”
“No!” You set your cup down, unwilling to let the conversation go while you were still sober. “Explain.”
“I really think you should be drunk for this.”
Yuta groaned into his hands. “God, how are you so beautiful but so fucking annoying?”
“Genetics,” you answered.
Yuta grumbled something inaudible and glared at you. This time, however, felt different. It wasn’t like Yuta was particularly keen on coming for your throat or shutting you up. The way he was looking at you made you feel like you could see every private emotion laid bare, every longing thought clear as day.
The Yuta-and-you thing aged a little too well.
“Oh.” You stared at him. “This is a confession.”
“Some like to call it that,” Yuta said. “I’d rather call it my famous last words.”
You couldn’t help yourself. You burst into laughter right in front of his face, watching his pained expression morph into one of utter disbelief. You weren’t sure if you actually found the situation funny or if you were just hysterical. The thought of Yuta Nakamoto liking you of all people seemed to be the most masochistic thing you had ever heard.
“What the hell,” you started in dismay, “do you even like about me?”
Yuta sucked in a deep breath. “You have a shitty personality, you only care about men that make you look better, you’re extremely spoiled, and—”
“This really isn’t helping your case,” you interjected. Yuta was only supplying evidence for your theory that he was a closet masochist.
“And,” Yuta continued, eyes boring deep into yours, “I am so enamored by the fact that there is actual warmth in that cold, tiny heart of yours.”
That was a line you’ve never heard.
Come to think of it, it was quite sad that no one ever described you as a warm person. Sure, you got “pretty” and “confident” a lot, but no one had ever considered you as an affectionate person. You didn’t care too much, but now that Yuta was using it to describe you, you were trying to re-evaluate how you carried yourself in front of others.
“Warmth? Let’s get you to bed, gramps.”
Yuta rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. I pay close attention to the people I care about, Y/N. You know me well enough to realize that I wouldn’t suck up to you out of nowhere.”
You hated to admit it, but he had a point.
“Well, what do you want me to do?” You let out a laugh, suddenly nervous. “What are you… expecting?”
“Kiss me,” Yuta repeated. “If you hate it, then push me away and I’ll never make a move on you again. If you like it, then we’ll see where we can go from there.”
This combination of intensity and vulnerability from Yuta was unfortunately only making him impossibly hotter.
You didn’t even process your answer until after the word escaped your lips. Your morals were fighting every dark curl of desire that screamed at you to kiss Yuta. They warned you that it was wrong to kiss someone you had no feelings for, but you were leaning toward indulging yourself.
You added, “Don’t do anything stupid or I'll kill you.”
“Then,” Yuta murmured, cupping your face, “I’ll be gentle.”
You froze. It was clear what you wanted. Clear in the way your head tilted to the side, the way your nose brushed against his cheek, the way your lips neared his. The sound of partygoers drowned out and all you could focus on was Yuta Nakamoto and his soft lips meeting yours.
There was this clawing ugliness inside you, something ravaging and horrible. A hideous beast that knew perfectly well that Yuta’s affection and interest were wasted on you. You felt invincible with someone as unpredictable as him wrapped around your finger, and it made you feel good—well, completely shitty, but powerful.
You did want Yuta, though.
Just not in the way Yuta wanted you.
He was surprisingly delicate in the way he kissed you, like he had all the time in the world, like he wanted to make each precious second worth it. He pushed you back down on the lawn chair, hovering over you and cupping your face with both hands. The thought of protesting briefly crossed your mind before you were completely lost in the taste of his lips.
You were classy. You didn’t kiss boys in the shadows. You didn’t have makeout sessions on unstable, damp lawn chairs. You didn’t mope over indirect rejections and turn to your enemy for comfort.
Yuta Nakamoto was really something.
You were half-aware of everything going on, barely noticing Yuta had gotten over you until you could no longer ignore his erection hard against your thigh. Yuta seemed to realize it himself, shifting so that you couldn’t feel his eagerness anymore. However, the both of you were so immersed in kissing each other that you couldn’t act upon the rational thought that this shouldn’t be happening.
Yuta pulled away first, dazed and drunk with lust.
You, however, were the first to speak. “We can’t do this.”
You couldn’t bear the thought of this turning into something more, something that you would possibly regret the next morning. The thought of being intimate with Yuta of all people was sending shivers down your spine. Clearly, you were still hung up over Jaehyun being unavailable and simply vented out your frustration.
“I’m perfectly fine,” Yuta said, getting off of you. “You can’t do this.” You opened your mouth to argue but Yuta continued, “That’s probably for the better, anyway. I can’t be Jaehyun.”
Somehow, you were feeling a bit wary about ruining your relationship with Yuta—if it could even be considered one in the first place. But maybe you had to ruin it to make things right.
“We can pretend that kiss didn’t happen,” you tried.
“Sorry, I can’t,” Yuta replied. “I don’t want to pretend there wasn’t anything there.”
“Just do it with someone else,” you snapped, voice raising. You couldn’t look him in the eye so you picked at the tightly woven fabric of the lawn chair. “It’ll feel the same.”
“It would,” you insisted. “It’s just a kiss. It doesn’t matter.”
Yuta’s voice sounded like it had shattered into a thousand tiny, orphaned pieces, but he asked softly, “You felt nothing?”
“Of course not.”
You stood up, nauseated. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe it wasn’t that you would regret it, but you were scared that you would actually care for someone. Letting someone in had always been your biggest fear, though you wouldn’t dare admit that, not even to yourself.
“I have to go.”
You pushed past the drunk college students, swaying slightly before you stumbled to the pool table. You didn’t look back at Yuta. Not once. Leaving was as easy as taking a breath; one foot in front of the other, again and again, until you were alone. No one was of any use to you, anyway. You even held Taeyong at an arm's length, so Yuta had no right to wedge his way in.
No one stayed for long. Your life, too, was constantly moving. You made friends, fell out, moved on, made new friends, and let the process repeat itself. Even Jaehyun wouldn’t stay, and one day, Yuta would do the same to you if you let him in.
It’s a moment of weakness, you decided on his behalf. In a few days, he’ll be over it.
Yuta was right; he could never be Jaehyun. You did pursue Jaehyun, but there was something different about your affection toward him. It felt safe because no matter how far you reached, no matter how hard you tried, you knew deep down that you could never have him. You knew that since the beginning, so you felt secure in not having to commit to something you weren’t ready for.
You didn’t know how to feel anymore.
“Y/N?” came a gentle voice from behind. “Are you okay?” You turned and Taeyong’s hands rushed up to cup your cheeks, thumbs wiping at your tears. His gaze hardened and his tone was sharp when he asked, “What happened to you?”
You crumbled under his hold and fell forward into his chest. “Take me home.”
If you weren’t feeling so pathetic, you would’ve laughed because Taeyong didn’t even have a car.
Taeyong was faltering before you. “Um… wait, let me ask one of the guys if I can use their car. I think they’ll let me if I sober up enough,” he tried. “Otherwise, we can—”
“I can take her home.”
You and Taeyong turned to see Yukhei spinning his car keys around his finger. He approached you with a look of concern shrouding his face, eyebrow lifted in suspicion. He probably thought you had too much to drink, but Yukhei was a gentleman, so you knew he wouldn’t pry.
“Are you okay with Yukhei driving you home?” Taeyong asked you. You nodded, wiping at your tear-stained cheeks. He smiled, trying to incite one from you. “Text me when you’re home, okay? I’ll be checking in.”
Distant and feeble, you replied, “Thanks.”
You were overwhelmed with the amount of care you were receiving. Taeyong was doting by nature, but he probably hadn’t expected you to break down in front of him in a public setting. Moreover, you were horrified that Yukhei had to witness your vulnerability.
You followed Yukhei out to his car, combating the awkward silence with your newfound interest in your shoes. Goosebumps prickled your arms so you ran your hands along your skin to provide warmth. You begrudgingly got in the passenger's seat and stared ahead. Every single thought you forced into your brain only circled back to your kiss with Yuta. The taste of his lips was still fresh in your mind, the warmth still lingering on your skin.
“Are you okay?”
The question snapped you out of your daze. You turned to Yukhei but focused on the way his fingers curled around the wheel. You and Yukhei weren’t very emotionally available to each other (well, you supposed you weren’t all that emotionally available to anyone), so everything felt so unfamiliar about Yukhei right now.
He hummed. “Drank too much?”
You mentally retracted your previous statement about Yukhei not prying.
You nodded. “Shit night. Never drinking again. Gonna shut myself out and not see anyone from school for the rest of the break.”
He chuckled at your words. There was a high chance you wouldn’t follow through with what you were saying, but you were tipsy and pissed off. It was comforting talking to Yukhei, though, like you were free from all the judgement in the world. Or rather, free from all-things-Yuta-Nakamoto.
Yukhei parked in your driveway and looked over at you. “You know what’s good hangover food?”
You smiled a little. You both had the same conversation before in your senior year of high school.
“Chinese takeout,” you answered.
“Burritos,” Yukhei said at the same time.
You guessed your memory didn’t hold up as well as you thought it did.
“Chinese works.” Yukhei laughed. “I know this really good place that delivers.”
You considered this. “Come over tomorrow.”
Yukhei grinned. “Goodnight, Y/N.”
You bit back a smile and got out of his car. Yukhei waited to watch you get inside safely while you made your way to your door. However, you couldn’t help but feel bittersweet as you glanced over your shoulder to see Yukhei still parked. Some horrid itch at the back of your head wouldn’t let you believe that he’d stay.
You opened the door to an empty house.
No one ever did.
You never would’ve expected rekindling a friendship with Wong Yukhei of all people.
It was like the popular guy and popular girl hanging out together despite having barely anything in common other than being popular. On the surface, it felt like neither of you had anything to really talk about. You just enjoyed each other’s company. Yukhei was good at turning small talk into something deeper, though, so it felt easy with him.
In an unlikely turn of events, you found him sitting on your bedroom floor, digging into a takeout box of noodles. You were sitting on your bed, listless, forking at the orange chicken in your takeout box. Yukhei had taken the liberty of picking up your takeout before he had arrived at your house. So, a little while into your evening, you opened your door to see a smiling (and shivering) Yukhei with a plastic bag in his hand.
The one thing you regretted about letting him drive you home was that your time with Taeyong was cut short. His mother ended up sending him to tutoring camp, which he gave you an earful about in the morning before he had to catch his bus.
This wasn’t the way you imagined to kick off your summer break, but you supposed it was far better than locking yourself up in your room and moping about the previous night. The shattered look on Yuta’s face had been haunting even in your dreams. Not even a rewatch of Annabelle with one leg off the bed could save your dreams from being anything but Yuta Nakamoto.
“You’re not usually this quiet,” Yukhei observed.
You stabbed another orange chicken with your fork and looked at him. “We haven’t hung out since senior year of high school, Yukhei. People change.”
He snorted. “You haven’t.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s not like we ignore each other completely,” Yukhei said. “I know what you’re up to, and you’re the same Y/N I was crushing on in senior year.”
You choked on your chicken. “Excuse me? Crushing?”
You didn’t think you could handle another confession. Two days in a row had you winded. Men were getting far too bold these days; you wished they could regress to the stage of suppressing their feelings and being too prideful to open their mouths.
Yukhei grabbed a napkin to press to his lips, holding back a laugh. “Are you kidding? You didn’t notice? I was head over heels.”
“Ah,” you hummed, rolling your eyes, “so that’s why you got close.”
“No, I genuinely enjoyed your company,” he argued, “and wanted to get in your pants, but that was a side quest.”
“Wow, I’m blushing,” you replied dryly, stuck between finding his comment repulsive or hilarious.
It was probably Yukhei’s honesty that made you appreciate him more. You often grew tired of guys who beat around the bush and played around until they admitted what they wanted. Guys like that just made you wish you were born generations back when men just went to war and died.
You frowned. That was a trait you really admired from Yuta. He spoke his mind, no matter how much it pissed you off. He was brutally honest with you, even when it didn’t benefit him.
You scrunched up your nose in disgust. Why was your mind circling back to Yuta now of all times?
“Actually, there’s something different about you now.” Yukhei narrowed his eyes at you, the gears in his head turning as he tried to figure you out. “Got your heart broken, didn’t you?”
A highly unflattering sound came from your throat, and your cheeks burned with embarrassment when you heard yourself. You choked on a bit of your orange chicken and tried to look down at your takeout box to get the attention off of you. It was, however, all on you.
Yukhei was either observant or you were extremely dense. You considered the latter due to how you never realized he had feelings for you in the past. You also never realized that Yuta had feelings for you.
A period of self-reflection was long overdue.
“What makes you say that?” you asked, voice strained, hitting your chest with your fist to cease your coughing.
“You look exactly how I did when I realized you had no feelings for me whatsoever,” Yukhei said, lips pressed in a grim line. “Plus, it’s been two hours and you haven’t told me how much you splurged on online shopping recently.” After a pause, he added, “Don’t tell me you haven’t online shopped. You’re down bad, Y/N.”
“Shut it,” you bit out, cheeks aflame. However, you found it easy to let out everything that was plaguing your mind to Yukhei. “I don’t think I like him… I’m just confused.”
“Is it Yuta?”
“No! Well—maybe… um… even if it is, that’s none of your concern,” You mumbled, trailing off. “Alright, let’s say it’s a hypothetical person.”
“Alright, hypothetical person by the name of Yuka Nakamoto.”
“Come on, Y/N,” Yukhei said, forcing a clipped laugh. “Everyone knows there’s something between you and Yuta. There’s a level of comfort the both of you have with each other that’s pretty rare to find.”
You hated finding proper reasoning behind Yukhei’s words. You did feel a connection with Yuta on a plane beyond your understanding that you never embraced. That was, of course, buried under the sand now. Loss was indeed like a prick to the skin.
You could be yourself around Yuta. You tried to be yourself around everyone, but Yuta gave you the most room to get angry, to worry, and to fuss. He let you feel everything you wanted without thinking of putting on airs. Now, you felt as though you were resigned to watch over him from behind a wall of glass.
Could you say you needed Yuta Nakamoto in your life? Of course.
Did you want to cross the boundary of your teasing friendship? You weren’t too sure.
“Even if I did like Yuta,” you said, “there’s no way he feels the same way anymore.”
“Yukhei,” you warned, jabbing your fork in his direction. “Thin ice.”
Yukhei straightened up, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “So, if you don’t want to do anything about it, then what are you expecting?”
He raised a fair point but you felt strangely defensive at his phrasing. Something about his words made it sound like you were running away and not facing your problems head-on.
It was most definitely what you were doing, but Yukhei didn’t have to call you out.
You shot Yukhei a look. A withering look, but a look nonetheless. “I understand why we stopped hanging out. Your nagging is insufferable.” You paused while Yukhei laughed at your comment and added, “For your information, I want to forget.”
“Forget the party. Forget Yuta. Forget kissing Yuta. Forget breaking Yuta’s heart.”
The words spilled out of you with no filter, no control. You should have been angry with yourself for letting everything out but fuck, that reaction was not kicking in to stop you in time.
Yukhei blinked several times. The both of you fell into a weird, gauche moment of silence. You couldn’t blame him; you had just admitted to being affected by a stupid basketball player that made your chest feel hot (whether that was hot with passion or hot with anger was something you couldn’t pinpoint). Yukhei was probably still processing the fact that you were a living, breathing human who experienced real human emotions.
You waited for a second. Exhaled. Looked down at your orange chicken. Counted each piece.
“Let’s spend the summer break together,” Yukhei said abruptly.
You looked up at him, wide-eyed. “Huh? Why?”
“I have time to kill and you need time to forget,” Yukhei replied coolly, shrugging. “Might as well spend it together, right? Plus, Taeyong’s mom is forcing him to go to that camp or whatever, so I’m sure he’s not gonna have much time this break.”
You dwelled on this offer before you caved. “Fine.”
“Beach tomorrow?” he offered.
You thought over the plan as you chewed on your last piece of orange chicken. You hadn’t been to the beach in a while so you swallowed down your food and nodded, a small smile creeping to stretch across your face.
Hanging out with Yukhei didn’t sound too bad.
The beach was a terrible idea.
You were envisioning something out of a movie: white sand, crystal-clear water, and perfect weather. There would be cute surfers and lifeguards walking around, soaking up the hot, summer sun. You would be sunbathing in pure bliss and without a care in the world. If you were lucky, maybe you’d get that stupid kiss out of your head.
Instead, you got sand mixed with rocks and debris that hurt your feet, freezing ocean water, and the strangest weather consisting of the bright sun with cold gusts of wind. The weather was bizarre, to say the least. There was barely anyone on the beach, give or take a few families that dropped by. Overall, this was the worst hot girl summer in the history of hot girl summers.
“I am so sorry,” Yukhei apologized blankly before you could even say anything.
You shivered, rubbing the goosebumps that appeared along your arms. Sure, it wasn’t the ideal beach trip, but the view was nice. You and Yukhei had overslept so you ended up driving to the beach pretty late. At least you could see the sunset now if you waited an hour.
The only downside was that you dressed in a bikini for no reason. You were looking forward to letting loose and having fun today. Now, however, you were just regretting not bringing a jacket.
“Maybe we can start a bonfire instead,” you tried.
Neither of you knew how to start one. There were far too many steps involved and the two of you had zero willpower. You wondered if Yuta would know what to do; as tragic as it sounded, he was once a boy scout. Yukhei, on the other hand, only camped when it was in cabins or lodges.
“It’s just sticks and wood, right?” Yukhei asked.
“Something like that.”
You sat on a hollowed-out log, shifting until you were comfortable and sure there were no bugs around. It was a sad sight to see Yukhei picking up random sticks he found in the sand and then lugging some stray branches that were washed ashore. He arranged them in a little pit and stood back.
“Do you have a lighter?” he asked.
“I don’t smoke,” you replied.
“Y/N, it’s for the fire.”
Yukhei and you ended up sitting side-by-side on the uncomfortable log, shivering and defeated. The both of you had given up on the fire and resorted to watching the waves crash against the shore from a distance.
The sunset wasn’t anything extraordinary. You were looking forward to the explosion of color across the sky, but you ended up getting a gloomy, cloudy sky and a lifeless ball of fire sinking past the horizon. It was extremely uneventful and Yukhei couldn’t even comment on it. You had planned to document it on your Snapchat story, but now you had no way to showcase that you were living it up.
“Hey,” Yukhei called out of the blue. You turned your head, seeing his hands cupped in front of him. After your confused stare, he added, “Wanna see something cool?”
“What could be cooler than our pit of sticks?” you asked, voice bitter and laced with sarcasm.
Yukhei grinned in a way that made you anticipate what he had to offer. He uncupped his hands, spreading them out to reveal a small bug on his palm. The bug flickered and then glowed, like a wisp of gold in the darkness. The sight tapped into some childlike side of you that left you in utter awe.
“I haven’t seen fireflies in so long,” you said, a grin slowly spreading across your face. “Where did you even find it?”
You looked up at Yukhei to see if he was amazed too, but he wasn’t looking at the firefly. He was looking at you.
“There’s that smile,” he said, all tender and gentle. “I haven’t seen that in a while.”
Taken aback, you scoffed, trying to fight down your grin that didn’t seem to want to leave your face. A part of you grew a bit shy by Yukhei’s comment, but then you remembered the last time you smiled like this, and it made you sick.
It was the one and only time Yuta was at your house. He was standing in the foyer and admiring the way you looked as you made your way down the stairs. You had found it rather endearing, but now you just felt stupid that you hadn’t connected the dots before. Maybe you had always had an itch in the back of your head that Yuta’s special treatment toward you was for a reason, but you always refused to come to terms with it. Part of you just wanted to preserve the current relationship forever.
That didn’t matter anymore, though. You and Yuta would probably never speak to each other again.
“Is it that surprising?” Yukhei joked, a light laugh escaping his lips that was somewhere between worried and awkward. You felt his hand cradle your cheek, thumb brushing against your cheek. “You’re crying.”
Your hand shot up to dab at your cheek. You cringed at how damp and puffy your eyes felt.
“Weird,” you mumbled. “I wonder why.”
You normally had no energy to go for walks in the evening, but you needed some air. The sticky humidity during the day was uncomfortable so the cool evening breeze provided the perfect weather for you to enjoy a stroll.
There was a sense of freedom when you had no direction; you could go where you pleased and explore new areas. Over the past week, you learned to appreciate the company of others more. You had always preferred keeping to yourself or having Taeyong at your side, but hanging out with Yukhei made you realize how fun it was to step out of your comfort zone. You wondered how much of your life you had missed out on after holding yourself back so much.
You walked to the park across from your school. You knew it would be empty (give or take a few kids), but you were in the mood to ruminate over your lost childhood. As depressing and pathetic as it sounded, you wished you had done more.
Your eyes, however, kept drifting to the basketball court.
It was right next to the park, empty and inviting. There was a lone basketball abandoned near one of the hoops. Your curiosity got the better of you, so you walked over to pick it up. You had never played basketball but you had gone to at least a dozen games to cheer on Taeyong.
“Shoot,” you mumbled, holding it above your head and squinting your eyes at your target. “Score.”
You threw the basketball forward, but it bounced off the backboard and rolled along the pavement. You sighed, defeated, but before you could walk over to pick the basketball up, a pair of hands got to it before you did.
Why was he here?
“It’s been a while,” Yuta said, spinning the basketball on his finger so that he didn’t have to make eye contact with you. He was sweaty and looked like he had just run a mile. “Why’re you alone?”
For the first time in your life, your confidence had diminished. You stared at Yuta with absolutely no idea what to say or how to act.
He looked good—well, he always did, but there was something more now. He looked like he had gained some muscle and his hair had grown out a little. You used to think his style was cute in a scruffy way, but you were starting to be into it.
You had tried getting your mind off of Yuta Nakamoto for the past week, and it was working, but now you felt as if your efforts had been in vain. Seeing him made you face the painful realization that the feelings you never recognized were still persistent.
You liked Yuta Nakamoto.
You assumed Yuta caught onto your awkwardness, so he continued, “I’ll show you the proper way to shoot.”
You stepped back as he positioned himself where you were earlier. He held a hand to his chest and under the ball, with the other guiding the side. His feet shuffled a bit until he was stabilized and glanced at you. You weren’t sure if he was expecting you to cheer so you just blinked at him.
“Use this hand as a guide, and the one under the ball to shoot,” Yuta instructed. He extended his elbow and, with his shooting hand, flicked his wrist and fingers to propel the basketball forward. It rolled around the rim before falling into the hoop. “See? Easy. It’s an art.”
“Very cool,” you said, a little lost in your feelings. You wondered how he could stay so calm and collected in front of you. “So why are you here?”
“I was going for a jog,” Yuta replied, averting his gaze when he tried to meet your eyes. “I didn’t think you’d be in the area.”
“I don’t live that far away.”
“Still…” Yuta trailed off. “You surprised me.”
The dynamic was off. Nothing felt right between you guys right now.
“We’ve never been friends,” you blurted out. Yuta looked puzzled but you continued, “We were never friends so why is this a big deal? All this… tension between us.”
Yuta’s jaw tightened. You wished you kept your question bottled up because you could feel him slipping further and further away. Even though Yuta was right there with you, you felt like you had to cross a sea to get to him.
“Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to you,” he said, “but it kind of affected me.”
You couldn’t say anything, although the words were right on your tongue. Sorry, I was wrong. It should have been so easy to say but it was trapped in your throat. Whether it was your pride holding you back or your fear of messing things up even more, you knew too well that you were out of line.
“I should probably go then,” you said.
“Yeah, probably,” Yuta replied, his voice coming out more strangled than expected. “See you.”
Yuta never looked at you, not even when you waited for a second to see if he’d change his mind. Forcing yourself not to lose it in front of him, you kept your mouth shut and your eyes fixed on your shoes. You hesitated before turning on your heel and walking back where you came from.
One step forward and two steps backward.
It was now two weeks into your summer break. Your birthday was coming up soon.
You had spent nearly every single day with Yukhei. On the days you didn’t, you would do something else or call Taeyong. You were grateful that both of them kept you occupied, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was eating at and draining you.
The other day, you and Yukhei went to the aquarium. It was probably the most fun you ever would have had over the summer, but you felt like something was blocking you from feeling liberated. All you could do was stare at the fish swimming around and feel like something was missing from the bigger picture.
Yukhei seemed to notice, too, but he kept quiet. Yet, every day, he would come back and act as if nothing happened.
Just like today.
Yukhei’s knees brushed against yours as you sat together on his couch. His laptop’s weight was distributed evenly on each of your thighs, playing some Ted Bundy documentary that you could care less about. (You had already binged every possible documentary on the serial killer over your summer break.) Yukhei’s face was too close to yours. Your hair was brushing against his cheek, and any other guy would have gotten annoyed right off the bat.
Yuta probably would have.
But Yukhei was sweet. Too sweet for his own good.
As if he could read your mind, Yukhei asked, “Do you still think about Yuta?”
You blinked up at him. His question was so out-of-the-blue that you weren’t even sure if he meant to verbalize it. Did you still think about Yuta? Far too much. He was a broken record in your mind, constantly scratching over each painful memory. Time healed all wounds, but this one seemed to grow more painful as Yuta grew more distant.
Somewhere in Yukhei’s big heart, he knew he didn’t stand a chance. Maybe your relationship with him was just that fragile, where you could just grab the string binding you and Yukhei together and snip it completely.
Do you still think about Yuta?
God, your toes curled when you thought about the effect Yuta had on you. His perfect lips on yours, together burning a fire hotter than you could ever have with anyone else. You underwent a complete transformation from someone who cared too little to someone who cared too much, all because you were so ashamed of what you did to Yuta. You wanted a refund because it hurt to care so much for someone who you couldn’t have. Even though Yuta was stuck in your head, you knew in your heart that he deserved better than someone like you.
So you settled for a robotic “no” and turned your attention back to the screen.
Yukhei didn’t back down; he had never been one to drop an unresolved issue, which was one of the many things you hated and liked about him.
He swallowed. “Y/N, that wasn’t sincere at all.”
His words bounced in your skull. Settled. Bounced again.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, you repeated in your head. Your eyes were trained on the laptop screen, suddenly immersed in the documentary you had already watched.
“What do you want me to say?” you bit out, keeping your jaw tight. You didn’t even know what was going on in the documentary. You just watched Ted Bundy blabber in the courtroom while you tried to shut Yukhei out. “You already know, don’t you?”
He paused, the words caught in his throat for a moment before he mumbled, “Then don’t say anything.” His voice was so soft and it shattered like glass. So fucking fragile. “Just kiss me.”
You stilled. The pain was heavy in Yukhei’s voice, and you felt like the biggest idiot.
You had always thought you were perceptive, too intelligent for your own good. You acknowledged that Yukhei was definitely attracted to you in some way, but you never realized how deep his feelings ran. Now you were coming to terms with the fact that you were so stupid—so goddamn stupid—and this was truly one of your greatest royal fuckups.
You were watching a crime documentary with him. Yukhei hated documentaries.
You dug your nail into the side of your thigh. “Do I even deserve that?”
“You deserve more than you think, Y/N.”
“Maybe, but not this—not this.”
You thought of loving someone and being loved back like feeling the sun from both sides.
The sun was shining but it was cold on the other side.
You finally looked at Yukhei—really looked at him. There was nothing. You felt nothing. Not even when he cupped your cheek with his big, warm hand. You looked at him with every ounce of emotion squeezed out from you, and god, he had never looked so handsome, but you felt absolutely nothing. Everything he wanted from you was never meant for him. Yukhei was painfully aware of that, but he still chased after you.
Why did you let him get close? Why did he have to fall for the wrong person?
You wanted to tell him the truth. You wanted to tell him that you couldn’t see yourself with him because you were hung up over Yuta. That it took you two deprived weeks to figure out that you had feelings for someone for years. That the only purpose of being here with him was to fill both of your voids.
But you were selfish, stupid, and so cruel that you couldn’t even believe yourself sometimes. You knew your relationship with Yukhei was pretty much over, but you had to crush it further. You wanted to break it into pieces. Shatter it until it was an unrecognizable mess, unable to be put together again. And you were not only breaking your relationship, you were breaking Yukhei.
So you kissed him.
And you hated it.
Yukhei was gentle with you, but the two of you were mismatched puzzle pieces. You didn’t belong together. Yukhei deserved so much more, and you couldn’t give that to him. Your heart was breaking with each tender movement of his lips, each caress of your cheek.
Skin on skin. You felt absolutely nothing. No spark. No fireworks. No tug in your heart. Nothing.
You never felt so ashamed of the person you were. Thoughtless, insensitive, self-centered—you had so much ugly in you, but you didn’t think you could escape it. You had already fucked things up with Yuta and you were destroying your relationship with Yukhei. You thought that you could excuse your destructive behavior but it was a deeply flawed perspective.
Yuta once said there was warmth in your heart, so you built up the courage to push Yukhei off of you.
The both of you didn’t say anything for a few moments, just catching your breath and looking away from each other. The tension was so thick you could feel it rising in your throat, choking you.
“It’s Yuta, isn’t it?” Yukhei asked softly.
You swallowed hard and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
You wanted to cry. Not because you broke Yukhei’s heart but because you knew that Yukhei would just understand and let you go. He would never want you to feel hurt because of him, and that only hurt you more. You let go of his hand, letting cold rejection burn at his fingertips.
“I’ll wait,” Yukhei said, as if his fear of losing you finally kicked in. “I can wait for you to figure it out if time’s what you need.” He looked pained but his gaze softened when he saw you breathing harder. Defeated, Yukhei gave up and added, “Go to him.”
“What?” Your voice came out smaller than you had expected.
“Let’s stop this before we hurt ourselves again.” Yukhei turned his body to face you again and clasped your hands. “Go to Yuta. You wouldn’t be trying to get over someone if you didn’t love them, Y/N.”
“I’m scared,” you admitted, staring down at his hands. If you just held his hands for long enough, then he wouldn’t leave you too. He wouldn’t go. You wouldn’t lose another friend. “What if I lose you both?”
“I’m not going to leave you because you rejected me,” Yukhei said, his tone growing more and more worrisome. You would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so sad; he got rejected, but you were the one being comforted. “Even if there’s nothing between us, I like you as a person, Y/N. We can be friends.”
This time, you laughed out loud. Bitter. Hysterical.
“Like me as a person?” you asked, brows raised. “Do you think I’m ‘warm’ too?”
“Honestly, you can be a bitch sometimes,” Yukhei deadpanned.
He continued, “You’re scared of trusting others but you still let them in and give them everything. What I admire most, though, is how you speak your mind. You’re painfully straightforward, even when it doesn’t benefit you.”
You sucked in a sharp breath when you felt tears well up in your eyes. You mentally scolded yourself not to cave in and spill over.
Yukhei squeezed your hand and went on, “That’s the person you are. Be that person again.”
“I hate how I used to be,” you objected. “I never cared about anyone but myself.”
“You can find a balance.” He let go of your hands, his touch still lingering. “You probably don’t know it yourself, but you’ve been changing for the better a long time ago.”
“You’ve always cared deeply,” Yukhei said. “You’re scared to let people in, but you still love with all you have. That’s why I’m still here. That’s why Taeyong’s still here.”
Yukhei pulled you into a tight embrace, but he no longer seemed scared of letting go.
Yukhei added softly, “Yuta’s still there too.”
You didn’t realize you were shaking until he placed his hand at the small of your back to keep you steady. You knew Yukhei would let go soon and go home. You knew you would be alone after this, but you still cried into his chest while you had him.
Despite breaking his heart a second time, you knew that Yukhei wasn’t the type to leave and let go.
He was different. He would stay.
You walked back to your house in a daze, feet dragging you all the way up to your room. It wasn’t that the conversation with Yukhei went wrong in the slightest. The both of you had agreed to stay close friends, but something still felt horrible. You felt like all of your billowing thoughts had just piled up until you collapsed under them.
As soon as you closed the door behind you, you sank to the ground. Your back was against the door, head tilted up and the heels of your palms digging into your eyes. You exhaled shakily and the sorrow settled. You pressed harder against the soft skin just under your eyes and wailed out something incomprehensible.
The solution was simple. You just had to talk to Yuta. It should have been easy, but you were far too ashamed of how you treated him, ashamed of how you never realized your feelings until they slapped you in the face.
You just had to apologize and say your outburst from the party was just an overreaction. You wanted to start over and make things right. If you just made everything clear to him, he’d understand and you wouldn’t feel so heavy. The guilt was eating you alive.
Moreover, you were scared of the shift in your relationship with him. You hated admitting it, but you liked the playful dynamic between you two.
It would never be the same again. It was like you and Yuta were tearing at the seams, coming undone. You never let yourself get as close as you could have been with Yuta, and he never tried to push anything you were uncomfortable with. Unfortunately, it was already too late when you came to realize how close you truly wanted to be.
You felt like you were in another dimension, always a layer away. Always.
This was your own fault, though. You broke your own heart. Yuta tried to offer you nothing but love and you were too scared to accept it. You were so scared of being unloved that you never gave yourself the chance to be loved.
God, Y/N, you’re embarrassing as hell, you scolded yourself. Crying over Yuta Nakamoto is the most pathetic thing you’ve ever done.
Now you were pacing. Tears were streaming down your damp cheeks, but you made no sound as you tugged at your hair and felt your heartbeat spike. The world underneath you shifted as you stumbled to your desk. Hands shaking. Unsteady. You were pretty sure you knocked over some valuables, but you couldn’t focus.
You’re worrying over nothing, the logical side of your brain supplied in a calm, clipped manner, while the other side was shutting down. Calm down.
Obviously, you didn’t listen to that.
Your phone rang and you picked it up without thinking. You froze up when you realized who it was. Yukhei must have contacted Taeyong before you could—a gesture you would have appreciated any other time, but you sounded pathetic right now. It was unfortunate that Taeyong had to have a heart so big.
“How did you know?” you asked.
There was silence from his side, only amplifying the few choked sobs that escaped your lips. It was softer than the crescendo of ringing in your head.
Taeyong spoke up after a painfully awkward minute of you just crying, “I’m calling Yuta. Yukhei told me he’s the reason why you feel so bad, right? Because of your fight with him? You need to talk to him if you want to make things right.”
You pulled your head up from its position between your legs and shook your head, as if your outburst would stop Taeyong somehow. It wouldn’t. You knew it wouldn’t but, nevertheless, you wiped at your tears and started to protest.
“Taeyong? Are you listening to me? You can’t. You can’t call Yuta. You can’t.” The desperation in your voice was so ugly. “Lee Taeyong!”
Yuta was the last person you wanted to see right now. There was no answer from Taeyong so you pulled your phone away from your ear.
He hung up.
You’re fucked, you thought blankly.
Nothing scared you more than Yuta finding you in this state and not giving you the reaction you expected, so you decided not to give him the chance. You breathed in real deep, through the aching chest and everything.
Unfortunately, Yuta didn’t live too far away, so you only had minutes until he arrived. You could just not answer your door and keep him out, but something seized you from doing so. A part of you didn’t want to keep pushing people away and abandoning them on the other side.
However, you could hide from your problems, so you crawled into your bed and buried yourself under the sheets.
When everything was finally calm and still, the scuffling near your door ruined your feeling of stability. Your blood ran cold for a second, thinking it was an intruder. You supposed it was Yuta; you could almost feel his presence on the other side, and you were anticipating his dreaded knock. Instead of proper manners, Yuta simply opened the door and walked in. You closed your eyes tighter and felt a dip in your bed, sinking to the side you were facing away from.
“Are you sitting on my bed?” you murmured, suddenly too irritated to stay quiet.
“Yeah,” Yuta replied flatly.
“You sound quite worried,” you retorted sarcastically and sat up, trying to appear all light and airy. There was confusion drawn on Yuta’s face; he was taken aback by your surprisingly pleasant disposition, and truthfully, you were as well. “Long time, no see.”
Yuta sounded different. He was on edge, panicked. It was different from all the times he would tease you endlessly over something he found amusing. “What happened? What’s wrong?” he asked, searching your face for an answer.
You smiled, although faint melancholy was tucked away in the curl of your lip. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“You’re good at being fine, aren’t you?”
A lone tear made its way down your cheek, and you wiped at it furiously. This was absolutely embarrassing. Yuta was the third man you cried in front of today. You hated appearing this vulnerable, but Yuta, Yukhei, and Taeyong intruded in your life like the Three Musketeers of Emotional Trauma.
“I’ve never seen you cry,” Yuta hummed, reaching over to wipe your tears with his thumb. He cradled your face with his hand and used his free hand to brush your hair off of your face. “Two Yuta-less weeks must have been distressing.”
You choked out a weak laugh. You weren’t sure if you were crying over anymore. Maybe it was the fact that Yuta was in front of you, maybe it was because he was seeing you at your worst, or maybe it was because you had him right here and it wasn’t as scary as you expected it to be. The chances of you making up with him were looking up.
“More like destressing,” you retaliated.
“Sure. Did destressing work out for you?”
“I’ve become a better person without you around,” you fired back, tilting your chin up and sniffling. “I think.”
“Because of me, you mean,” Yuta corrected, like he had been filled in on everything that had happened the two weeks prior. You were sure he hadn’t, but even if he was, you didn’t mind.
This was a feeling of normalcy that comforted you.
“Can we start over as friends this time?” you asked, sticking your hand out for him to shake. “Hi, I’m Y/N, and my personality consists of me being insensitive and thinking I’m superior to everyone.”
The corner of Yuta’s mouth rose as he took your hand firmly. “Hey, I’m Yuta Nakamoto, and my personality consists of being an asshole and making fun of cute girls named Y/N.”
You deliberately chose to ignore the fact he called you cute and suggested, “Change your introduction.”
“Change yours,” Yuta pressed. “Insensitive with a superiority complex doesn’t scream character development to me.”
“Fine.” You huffed and started, “Hi, I’m Y/N, and I care for my friends a lot. I’m also working a lot on myself and on not shutting out everyone who tries to get close to me.”
Yuta smiled so brightly that all your previous worries had washed away completely. It was so wholesome that you mentally forgave Taeyong for throwing you out to the wolves in your broken state. You were convinced it was the right decision, as stressful as it had seemed before.
Maybe Yuta would stay now.
Maybe he always had.
You didn’t remember your dream, but you abruptly woke up in a cold sweat.
You were ripped from your unconscious, shaken and still trying to convince yourself you had all bones and ligaments in place. Your heartbeat was louder than the deafening patter of rain against your window. The way the blood rushed in your ears was almost painful, but you were too cold and numb to try and block out the sound.
“Nightmare?” came your mother’s gentle voice.
You hadn’t even realized she was in the room. She must have walked in while you were stirring from your sleep. You already knew what to expect. Whenever she was awake at such an ungodly hour, it was to say goodbye.
However, you didn’t respond to her question. Your uneven breathing was confirmation enough.
“Leaving again?” you asked, staring at your ceiling as you tried to ground yourself from the dream you were floating in.
“It’s just for the day. I trust you won’t ruin the house during your birthday,” she replied, sitting at the edge of your bed to reach over and stroke your hair. “What was your dream about?”
“I think I ran over Yuta Nakamoto with my Bugatti.”
“Lovely,” your mother glossed over. “Well, I’ll be back tonight, and your dad will probably send you your allowance… wherever he is.”
“Nice of him to abandon us but not my allowance,” you remarked.
Your mother always had a strange look on her face whenever your father was brought up. Three years ago, your father disappeared without a trace. You had suspected it was the result of a fight with your mom, so instead of getting upset and furious, you decided to wait for him to return and explain himself.
He never did.
Back then, you felt like it had been something he planned, like he had decided to wait until you were grown up so he could get away from his family. You were a mess at first, infuriated with how your mother forbade you from trying to look for him. There was something suspicious about it all but you didn’t want to pry until you got hurt. You would be lying if you said you weren’t resentful, but you still hoped for his return one day.
Thinking about your father always made your head hurt. You closed your eyes, lips pressed in a thin line.
“See you tonight,” you murmured sleepily, turning onto your side to look at your mother before she left.
She set a small box by your head. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” she said.
Oh right. You were a year older today.
You picked up the box, gauging its weight. “Thanks.”
She smiled and waved goodbye before closing your door again. You heard heels clicking against linoleum and then a door shutting in the distance. She was gone again. You didn’t know how to feel about it.
You were a year older but it didn’t feel like anything special. Birthdays always just felt like any other day most of the time, but today was especially unextraordinary. It was a rather depressing way to start your break, but you weren’t expecting much anyway. The only person you counted on was Taeyong (unless it had to do with driving; he was kind of useless in that regard).
You picked up your phone and saw a couple of texts from him that were sent around midnight. A small smile curled at your lips at his long message wishing you a happy birthday. His last message, which was sent only ten minutes ago, caught your eye.
taeyong: look for a surprise outside your door in 15 min! pls be awake
You raised a brow. Was he back from camp already? At least he was trying to give you a proper birthday experience, but you couldn’t help but feel like Taeyong was up to something.
You heard your ringer go off again and frowned. You didn’t think anyone else would contact you. Your eyes widened in surprise when you saw Yukhei’s name appear on your phone. You were glad he didn’t take rejection badly because you would’ve felt emptier if he completely removed himself from your life.
yukhei: happy birthday, y/n :)
You were surprised at how three simple words could make you so happy. You bit down your smile and sent back a message to thank him for wishing you.
The word felt right on your lips. Although it was a word that once terrified you, it felt like the missing puzzle piece between you and Yukhei. You both could start over like this and make it work, so maybe you and Yuta still had a chance to be close again, too.
Your thumb ran along the side of your phone. Some part of your brain was itching to call Yuta. The both of you had rebranded as friends but something still felt awkward about contacting him for small things.
You never thought of yourself as a shit person before your meltdown in front of Yukhei, but the unexpected humanity that was circulating in your head made you sick.
Another thing that kept bothering you was your kiss with Yuta. You weren’t even sure if it was you talking or your hormones, but either way, you couldn’t get that kiss out of your head. Each time you closed your eyes, you could feel Yuta’s warmth closing in on you again.
A knock at your door forced you to surface from your piling thoughts.
Taeyong? Was he really back?
You dragged yourself out of bed and went downstairs, running a hand through your messy hair in an attempt to keep it tame. You grew a touch nervous at the thought that Taeyong could have brought over dozens of people to celebrate your birthday. If you saw Yuta, you were definitely going to pull whatever your father did and disappear into thin air.
Because the universe hated pretty people, Yuta Nakamoto was at your door with a shit-eating grin on his face. Speak of the devil and he shall arrive at your door with a birthday present.
“Yuta,” you greeted through gritted teeth, “what are you doing outside my house at five in the morning?”
Yuta snickered at your appearance. “Good morning, sunshine.” He held out a white box with a red ribbon, practically thrusting it into your hands. “Happy birthday, by the way.”
“Is this from Taeyong?”
“Indeed. Good friend you’ve got there. He had it picked out for you before he left and left it for me to deliver.”
You frowned down at the box. Why didn’t Taeyong just drive over and give it to you himself? You nearly laughed at your own thought, quickly remembering that he couldn’t drive at the moment. But why didn’t he just tag along with Yuta and give you his present himself?
Unless, you realized, Taeyong really wasn’t back and you were stuck with Yuta Nakamoto.
Yuta, on the other hand, didn’t move from the front of your door. He hung around like some nagging fruit fly, looking around your foyer in awe. It made you anxious when you couldn’t tell what was on his mind.
Moreover, you were shocked at how unaffected he seemed, considering how tense the both of you were before yesterday. Well, that was Yuta for you—unbothered and unfazed.
“Can I help you?” you asked. When he shrugged, you sighed and grabbed your wallet from the coffee table, pulling out whatever note your fingers fished out first. “Delivery and tip. You can keep the change.”
“I’m not UberEats.” Yuta scoffed, pushing the cash away. “Open the box.”
You narrowed your eyes and set the gift box on the coffee table so that you could open it. Yuta stood in the doorway and observed quietly, folding his arms across his chest. You lifted the lid and tossed the white wrapping paper to the side to reveal a denim jacket. You pursed your lips, impressed with the selection; you could always trust Taeyong’s taste.
“Too cheap for you?” Yuta teased.
You glared at him. “I never said that. It’s nice.” You turned to face him completely and sized him up. “I’m not that shallow… at least, not anymore.”
Yuta scoffed, rather charmed by your answer. You heard your ringer go off and pulled out your phone.
taeyong: hi y/n! sorry i couldn't be there in person :( my mom ended up sending me to tutoring camp, but in place of me, yuta’s your birthday present, so he’s going to make your day memorable in my place! i hope you have a great day and don’t kill each other
taeyong: or me
taeyong: don’t kill me pls
You looked up at Yuta, horrified. He met your gaze, seemingly innocent, and started clapping his hands to a steady beat.
“Happy birthday to you, happy—”
“Oh my god, please don’t sing right now,” you interrupted, shuddering at the thought of Yuta Nakamoto wearing nothing but a ribbon and singing a little jingle for you.
“It’s your birthday,” Yuta said. “Where’s your birthday suit?”
You threw the lid to the gift box at him. “You’re vile.” You stood up and caught Yuta’s eyes scanning your body, and you narrowed your eyes at him, suspecting that he was judging your nightwear. “What do you want? I got the present so you can leave now.”
“Didn’t Taeyong tell you?” Yuta raised a brow. “I’m your birthday present, so we’re going hiking.”
You nearly choked on air. “Excuse me? Hiking?”
Yuta smiled and made a hand gesture to shoo you upstairs. “Go wear something comfy, princess.”
You felt unsettled by the sudden plan but ran upstairs to change into attire that was more suitable for hiking. You didn’t think you had ever even been hiking before, and you weren’t sure if you were going to like it one bit. However, you had no other plans for the day so you supposed it wouldn’t hurt to go with the flow.
When you were fitted in proper clothing, you went back downstairs to get Yuta’s approval. You had to wear the denim jacket, of course; otherwise, it would feel wrong not to utilize Taeyong’s gift. He deemed that you were ready to hike and led you to his silver truck. Sitting in his passenger’s seat only made you think about the night of the party, how you snapped at him and practically broke his heart with a single word.
Awkward, you thought, your entire nervous system wanting to capsize at the thought of all the emotional baggage you had carried.
“So where exactly are we going?” you asked.
The drive to the unknown hiking location was relatively quiet, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable kind of silence that made your skin crawl. Yuta rolled down the windows so you could enjoy the breeze in the balmy weather. You smiled and looked out at the hills passing by until Yuta stopped the car in a parking lot.
You looked over at him and nearly jumped when you realized he was also looking at you. Yuta looked like he was going to say something important, but his mind rerouted and he snapped back into reality.
“This is one of my favorite trails,” he said.
“Cool.” You peered out the window to look at the entrance. “So are we just gonna stare at it or are we actually gonna go hike it?”
Yuta snorted. “Very funny. Hope you can keep up.”
You opened your door and got out of the car as soon as he did. You hadn’t packed more than a water bottle so you were hoping the hike wouldn’t be too long. Yuta seemed like the type to go on insane hikes and consider them baby steps, but hopefully, he would be considerate since it was your birthday.
You grabbed your water bottle and jogged a little to catch up to him. Yuta led you out of the parking lot and onto the trail. The change in terrain from pavement to dirt and rocks was already making you fight the urge to complain.
“We should hike fast,” Yuta said. “I wanna get to the peak before sunrise.”
“Sunrise?” you asked, shocked. “Are you kidding? How are we gonna get all the way up there?”
“It’s not as far as it looks,” Yuta said, grinning at your reaction. He nudged your shoulder. “I could carry you and run if we’re really running late.”
“I’ll pass,” you dismissed. “That sounds like an accident waiting to happen.”
“Can’t be that bad,” Yuta said, throwing a cautious look at you over his shoulder. “It’s not like we haven’t been that close before.”
Something burst in your chest at his words, the heat spreading out to your limbs and making you feel like jelly. You didn’t expect Yuta to recall that moment so brashly, especially when the both of you had just started getting on good terms again.
Things were different now, though. You no longer suppressed the fact that you liked kissing Yuta; instead, you accepted it internally, but you were too shy to admit it to him.
You wondered how Yuta would react if he found out that you actually enjoyed the kiss. His attraction for you was something that was understood but left unspoken between you both, but you weren’t sure how he’d feel if he found out that you started to feel conscious of your feelings around him. The events unfolding in your head seemed to all end with your pride being wounded, so you weren’t too keen on indulging in the idea.
“Not really,” you replied. “You moved off of me when you got a hard-on.”
Combating embarrassment with even more embarrassment didn’t seem to help your case. On the bright side, though, now you had Yuta Nakamoto completely flustered. You had to stifle your laugh when he nearly tripped over a loose rock on the trail.
“You felt that?” he asked, voice pitched higher than usual. You fought down your smile when you saw how red he was getting, but Yuta’s confidence seemed to return after you nodded. “Well, did it feel good?”
“I’ll push you off the mountain when we get to the top.”
Yuta laughed loudly. “Oh, this is great!” he exclaimed. He was peppier than ever, even slowing down so he wasn’t all the way in front of you. “I was the sexual awakening for Walmart Paris Hilton.”
The gasp flew out of your mouth faster than your brain could process his words, hitting his shoulder in tune with it. “You were not my sexual awakening! Also, that was offensive. Never call me that again.”
“So you had one?” Yuta pressed.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Then why’d you enunciate the ‘you’ like that?”
“Why are we even talking about this?”
“I’m just curious.”
“No, you’re gross.”
You panted a little as you exerted a final burst of energy to make your way to the peak. Yuta was on your heels, whistling lowly once the both of you had reached the top.
You had made it just in time for the sunrise. You could see the glow of the sun peeking out from the mountain ridges ahead. It bloomed over the stretch of the horizon, pink and orange petals of fluffy clouds kissing the sky. You had always seen the beauty of sunrises from behind a camera or on a screen. Never had you experienced one like this in the flesh.
At this altitude, you felt connected to the sky and the sun and everything around you. All the riches in the world couldn’t buy you a moment quite like this.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Yuta murmured from beside you.
“Yeah,” you replied, winded and awe-struck.
When you turned to face Yuta, however, he wasn’t looking at the sunrise. He was looking at you.
His expression sent butterflies straight to your stomach and made your head spin. Your summer had not been going as planned. You were supposed to be vacationing in some resort in your bikini, not hiking up a mountain with Yuta Nakamoto who looked like he wanted to kiss you.
You definitely weren’t supposed to be wanting to kiss him back.
This was déjà vu to you, but with Yuta, you felt as if time hadn’t frozen but rather melted all around you until it ceased to exist. Yuta’s gaze felt like the promise of a forever when his eyes fixed on yours. You could have held it forever, but before you could say something, Yuta was already closing the space between you.
“Happy birthday, Y/N.”
And he kissed you.
You’ve kissed Yuta before. For some reason, this time around felt so much more different. Before, it was rushed, urgent, thoughtless. It was an act of lust where neither of you truly had control or reason behind your feelings or actions. Now, however, you and Yuta kissed like you had all the time in the world, like the sun and its stars stopped just for you. The air around you both stilled as time slipped by, crumbling under your feet and shattering the sky above.
Your lips fit perfectly with his, although your movements felt unsure and uncertain. This time, you both were sober and timid with each other, not really knowing how to hold each other or how to stay in sync. As Yuta’s hand rose to grab the back of your neck, you felt every worry you ever had about him wash away and vanish into the far recesses of your mind. It obliterated every rational thought in your head and left behind desire swirling inside your chest.
When Yuta pulled away, you were still in the clouds with the taste of his lips lingering.
“You dick,” you said, trying to keep your voice stable and your expression placid. “This isn’t starting over as friends.”
Yuta grinned. His hand cupped your cheek so tenderly that you could hardly believe this was the same guy who got mad at you for stealing his favorite parking spot.
He was far more expressive than you had expected. Little did Yuta know that you felt the same electricity, but you were just better at hiding it.
“How was that for a birthday gift?” he asked. You tried to avert your gaze but Yuta made it impossible by the way he was holding your face.
“Good.” You coughed, heat creeping to your cheeks. “Great, I guess.”
“Y/N,” Yuta started, his face settling into a more serious expression, “I like you a lot. I like you so much that I’m giving it my all even after you broke my heart once—”
“Damn, your whole heart?” you interrupted.
“Yes, which I will graciously look past,” Yuta continued, “but will you go out with me?”
You felt like you were flying.
Your body felt light and you could hardly register that the ground was beneath you. This question was quite possibly the most terrifying thing someone could ever ask you, but when Yuta said it, you felt so inexplicably happy. If you knew how to express your emotions better, you would’ve crushed him in a hug, but now you were so overwhelmed that you felt like crying.
“Oh no.” Yuta dropped his hand and took a step back. He looked stuck between amused and terrified. “You’re about to reject me and run to Taeyong, aren’t you?”
You choked out a laugh and grabbed his arm, pulling him back to you. “Don’t be stupid. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me. I didn’t think you would ask me on my birthday, though, so maybe you’re a prick for trying to make my birthday our anniversary. Hold on, my brain’s trying to figure out how to say yes without sounding like an apathetic bitch.”
“Apathetic bitch works for me if it’s coming from you,” Yuta admitted, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him. “You’re my apathetic bitch.”
“Not sure if I vibe with that.”
“Then I’ll call you princess as usual,” Yuta replied, lips curving into a smirk. “Get ready to be spoiled tonight, Y/N.”
You scrunched up your nose. “Spoiled? Did you buy me a gift?”
Yuta nearly choked. He stared at you like he was waiting for you to make a joke, but you could only blink at him and wait for him to elaborate. You wondered what in the world Yuta had thought of getting for you. You seriously couldn’t imagine him being sentimental enough to get you a material item.
“There’s no way you’re that innocent,” Yuta said in disbelief. “You didn’t pick up my innuendo at all?”
It was your turn to choke up. “What innuendo?”
Yuta chuckled, still shocked by your reaction, and let his hands travel down to your hips. He leaned in until his lips were by your ear. His hot breath fanned your neck for a moment and made you shiver.
“It means I’m going to make you feel good tonight,” he said in a darker, huskier voice. “Are you okay with me ruining your innocence?”
You swallowed. You had kissed boys here and there, but you had never gone past that level. You had no expertise in the field of anything remotely sexual. It felt like you were skipping from first base and going all the way to home plate, but it wasn’t like you never had those thoughts.
It was true that you had been a tad frustrated since your kiss with Yuta. It was too rushed, too short, and left you wanting more. You would never admit that to Yuta, but you were eager to relive that experience. While you weren’t too clear on what he meant by ruining your innocence, the way Yuta was looking at you had you yearning to find out.
You felt like Yuta was slowly closing in on you, even as you took a step back. Your brain was trying to figure out how to say yes without immediately wanting to crawl in a hole and die.
“What exactly do you mean by ruining my innocence?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder when you felt solid bark against your bark. Yuta had walked you all the way back against a sturdy tree.
“Well,” Yuta started, raising his brows, “sex, obviously.”
That was the clear-cut answer you had been expecting. Deep down, you knew what he was implying, but hearing it from his lips impacted you harder than you thought it would. You were sure your legs would’ve buckled under you when you saw his pupils dilate and his gaze drop to your lips.
Shouldn’t he at least take me out to dinner first? the logical part of your brain questioned.
Well if I’m the meal, then that shouldn’t be a problem, your overpowering libido argued.
“Right,” you mumbled, biting your lip when he had you cornered against the tree. “Then you better make me feel good.”
“Here?” Yuta looked surprised.
You looked around and shrugged. “I mean, there’s no one around.”
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” Yuta murmured.
Taeyong, I am so sorry your roommate’s about to fuck me in the jacket you got me, you tried to telepathically apologize to your best friend, although you supposed you were putting both of his gifts to use.
“You’ve never had sex before, have you?” Yuta asked. You shook your head and he continued, “I’m not taking your first time against a tree, but tell me what you’ve done.”
“Well—” You were cut short when Yuta ducked his head and started nipping at the juncture between your neck and shoulder. Your breath got caught in your throat for a second, but you quickly pulled yourself together and continued, “I haven’t done that much, just—fuck—like, kissed.”
“That’s it?” Yuta asked.
You hummed, nodding fervently; you didn’t trust yourself to speak, knowing that only a warble would come out. Yuta just chuckled and continued his actions. You were distracted by the bruising grip of his fingers around your hips and the love bites he made down to your chest.
“I heard you and Yukhei got close,” he added. “Heard some stuff here and there from Taeyong.”
You groaned. You were seriously going to kill him for ruining the mood, but each bite and tug to your skin only redeemed Yuta. Your hand found its way to curl into Yuta’s hair, tugging his locks to encourage him.
“We’re friends,” you said. “Just friends.”
“Cool,” Yuta mumbled against your skin, tugging your shirt down to press a kiss to the swell of your breast. “He’s chill.”
You huffed. “Yes, but can you quit teasing?”
Yuta pulled back, eyes boring into yours with such an intense ferocity that you almost forgot where you were for a second. “Let me eat you out,” he whispered.
Your brain was doing mental gymnastics to calculate just how many bases you were skipping here.
But all you could do was agree with a firm “yes,” pulling Yuta closer by the front of his shirt.
You had never even thought of anyone going anywhere below the belt, but before you knew it, Yuta was tugging down your leggings and sliding two long fingers along your slit. You let out a sound somewhere between a broken moan and a gasp, grabbing onto Yuta’s arms to steady yourself. Your hands traveled up to his shoulders so you had more stability.
“You’re so wet, princess,” he cooed, going faster with his fingers. “All for me.”
His words were pure filth, and you usually would have been reprimanding him for speaking to you like that, but now they were bouncing off of you like elastic. Before you could even catch your breath, Yuta lowered himself to his knees. You lost your grip on his shoulders and settled for sliding your hands into his hair. Shaky breaths and soft moans spilled from your lips when Yuta used his fingers to part your lips and seal his lips over your clit.
The excitement of possibly getting caught and the new sensation Yuta was showing you was far too much to process all at once. Your head hit the trunk of the tree, sweet mewls only rousing Yuta to groan and send a vibration through you. For a split second, you met his lustful eyes while he was under you, and you felt like you were going to break apart then and there.
Yuta wasn’t much of a gentle person. Passionate? Yes, but gentle was a stretch. This was clear as he didn’t hesitate to slide his tongue all the way into your pussy. You yelped out in surprise, desperately trying to stay planted on two feet; you surely would’ve fallen over if Yuta wasn’t holding your thighs so firmly.
“Yuta!” you gasped out, clenching around him when you felt him slip a finger beside his tongue.
He pulled his face back to look at you, but his fingers were still working at your pussy, one fingering your core and another circling your clit. A wicked smirk curled at Yuta’s lips and the glint in his eyes was insatiable.
“How does that feel?” he asked, slipping another finger inside before you could come up with a coherent answer. “Use your words, Y/N.”
Words. Words were not working. Your brain was struggling to piece words together into something comprehensible. Instead, you let out a pitiful whine and tugged at Yuta’s hair. Rather than shutting up and giving you what you wanted, though, Yuta only teased you further.
“What was that?” he taunted. “Does my princess want something? My tongue isn’t going anywhere. Just say the words.”
Your body jolted a little and you let a mewl slip when you felt Yuta curl his fingers inside you. “Finish… finish me off,” you begged.
“You’re so fucking hot when you beg,” Yuta growled, slowing his fingers down, “but you can do better than that, Y/N.”
Your cheeks were on fire. “Please,” you begged, desperation breaking you down, “please finish me off, Yuta.”
Yuta grinned and returned to replace his thumb over your clit with his lips, sucking on it gently and humming occasionally to send a steady thrum of vibrations against the bundle of nerves. His two fingers worked in and out of you so expertly that you could hardly breathe, and you were sure it wasn’t just because of the altitude.
“God, I’m so close,” you cried out.
Your head lolled to your shoulder, anticipating the release of the passion building up inside of you. Yuta’s sucking only got harsher, his fingers speeding up at your cue, and you were coaxed over the edge finally after his fingers curled inside of you again.
There was a delighted gleam in Yuta’s eyes as he watched you fall apart. You had seen it before. Seen it when he won a basketball game. Seen it when he won an argument with you. Seen it the night you agreed to kiss him.
The feeling that washed over you was something you had never experienced. It was a rush of euphoria. It was a realm beyond your imagination. You felt like the world had melted away until it was just you and Yuta together.
“Wow,” you breathed out, still buzzing from your orgasm.
Yuta let out a heavy breath himself, licking your release off of his fingers one by one. He kept his gaze trained on you even as you tugged your leggings back up. The way Yuta looked at you already made it clear that he wasn’t going to ask you how it was because he knew how good he made you feel. He got back up to his feet so that he was towering over you again. You were suddenly terrified. If this was how good he was with his fingers and mouth, then you were in for a long night when he planned to use his dick.
Yuta let out a light laugh and glanced around. “Good thing no one else decided to hike up here today.”
“Maybe we should be a more traditional couple,” you suggested. “Leave the private stuff in the bedroom instead of getting it on at parties and during hikes.”
“Where’s the fun in that? I’m sure the lawn chair and tree were more than happy to bear witness to our sexual activity.”
You punched his arm playfully, slightly revolted. “Speaking of, I don’t think we should tell people we’re dating yet. I don’t want people thinking you’re my rebound or something.”
Yuta whistled lowly, impressed with your answer. “You had me worried there for a second, but you really care about me, don’t you?” His teasing was enough to make your cheeks feel hot again, but thankfully Yuta pulled you to his chest so he couldn’t see your expression. “I was sort of thinking the same thing. It would be weird since we were basically trying to kill each other the last time everyone saw us, so we should ease into it.”
“Let’s make it public by the end of summer,” you said, burying your face into his chest.
“For your information, I mean our relationship, not our sex life.”
Yuta paused. “Fine.”
You were content with the way your birthday ended. Yuta had dropped you off after your hike (and a couple of makeout sessions along the way; you had to test out your new boyfriend, after all), so you were ready to spend the rest of your birthday doing nothing. There was a small twinge of disappointment when you realized it was only noon, though. Taeyong usually spent your birthdays with you, so you weren’t excited to be alone for the rest of the day.
Whoever was watching over you, though, seemed to grant your birthday wishes almost instantaneously. Your phone ringer went off, and you picked it up immediately, hoping it was either Yuta or Taeyong.
To your surprise, you got two texts from Yuta and Yukhei.
yuta: i’ll pick you up at eight tonight
yukhei: can i come over rn?
Your eyebrows raised at both messages. You confirmed with Yuta, not even asking what he had planned because you guessed it was going to be a surprise anyway. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard before you responded to Yukhei, though. You weren’t sure what he wanted, but you did want to see him, so you sent him a quick text saying you were free.
While you waited for Yukhei, you remembered you forgot to open the present your mother got for you. You had been so caught up after Taeyong texted you that you abandoned it in your room. You headed upstairs and founded it stranded beside your pillow.
You picked up the white box and ran your finger along the smooth surface before opening it, marvelling at the gold locket that sat on a red cushion.
A small smile made its way to your lips. You had pointed out the exact locket before, going on about how badly you wanted it even though you would have nothing to put in it. Back then, it was more because you didn’t want to bother locking anything inside of your heart, but this time, you had something you wanted to protect.
Your doorbell rang as soon as you texted your mom a thank you message. You left the box on your nightstand and headed downstairs to get the door. When you opened it, Yukhei stood outside with a wide grin on his face.
He beamed, holding out a gift bag in your direction. “Happy birthday, Y/N.”
You graciously took the bag and held the door open wider so that he would come in. “You actually got me something?”
Yukhei walked in and snickered, holding up a plastic bag in his other hand. “I know you didn’t drink last night, but I also brought takeout.”
“Well, then I guess we have to eat it together,” you said, a smile tugging at your lips. You took the bag and headed to your dining table. “Come on.”
Yukhei was already familiar with your house. With his large build, his steps were overtaking yours but he already knew where to go. You were glad he didn’t feel too awkward after you had rejected him. You noticed subtle things like his hesitation when he was debating whether to hug you or not, but you were glad there was nothing strikingly awkward about his actions.
You took out the takeout boxes and set them on the table, pushing the box of noodles to the side of the table where Yukhei was sitting and leaving the orange chicken on your side. As soon as the utensils were distributed, the both of you dug in.
“What’d you get me?” you asked. You pulled the bag onto your lap and looked up at Yukhei. “Should I be scared?”
“I’m the one who should be scared,” Yukhei said. “I don’t know your taste in fashion that well, but I tried.”
Curious, you peeled the wrapping paper away and pulled out a familiar denim jacket. You turned it around a few times to confirm that yes, it was the exact same jacket that Taeyong had gotten you. Did men just have a default list of gifts for girls? Yukhei looked more excited about your present than you were, though, so you decided to pretend you had never seen it before.
You had to make sure you never wore it around Yuta. You had already defiled Taeyong’s jacket in front of him; you couldn’t do that to Yukhei.
“It’s cute!” you exclaimed, hoping you didn’t sound as fake as you felt.
“I thought it would look good on you,” Yukhei said, scooping up a bunch of noodles with his chopsticks. “By the way, I don’t know if it’s just because it’s your birthday or whatever, but you look way happier.”
“I am,” you answered softly, thinking back on the past few days. So much had happened, and a person couldn’t change that fast, but a part of you felt more appreciative about all the love around you. “I couldn’t have made up with Yuta without you, so thank you.”
Yukhei smiled, the dimple on his right cheek appearing. “Good. I would’ve been driving you over to his place right now if you didn’t.”
Seeing Yukhei so genuinely supportive and happy for you made your heart swell. A friend who cared so deeply about you was more than you could ask for, so you knew you had to tell him what happened between you and Yuta. After all, Yukhei was the one who had been pushing you to accept your feelings.
“We’re dating now,” you said, a breathless laugh following soon after. “He asked me out this morning, actually. We’re keeping it a secret until people forget we hate each other’s guts, but I wanted to tell you since you’re the one who motivated me.”
“I’m happy for you, Y/N. Really, I am.”
Those were the only words that mattered. Yukhei’s grinning face had made it clear for you that you lived such a reserved life. You refused to let people in without even giving them a chance. You kept those you accepted at a distance, fearing the closeness would teeter everything in your life off-kilter.
This whole time, you felt like you had Yukhei by the stings, controlling the way his heart pulsed and ached for you. Because of this, you wanted to distance yourself from him before you hurt him even more. However, now you realized just how wrong you were.
Yukhei might have liked you, but his feelings of love never triumphed over friendship.
At last, you were content.
Minutes felt like hours.
Yuta was supposed to pick you up in ten minutes, but you were pretty sure your clock was messed up because you were certain at least twenty minutes were going by before each minute ticked off. Your patience was wearing thin and you were almost about to snap at your boyfriend for not showing up ten minutes early like a gentleman.
Who was he to make you wait, anyway? You got up from your couch and headed upstairs, exaggerating each step because you were frustrated and petty. However, you heard your phone go off downstairs and you bolted.
You picked up your phone and grimaced. Just as you thought, you received a text from Yuta.
yuta: i’m outside
You supposed five minutes early wasn’t too shabby.
you: come inside first
yuta: ayo is this going where i think it is?
you: ew. probably not
You heard your doorbell ring immediately after, and when you opened it, Yuta stood outside, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He looked anxious for your date and it was throwing you off. Despite his nerves, though, Yuta dressed for the boyfriend role quite well. You felt much more at ease in your casual clothing knowing he also dressed casually.
You wanted to give him a hug. Gross.
“Are you just gonna stand there?” you asked, tugging his arm. “Come inside already.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Yuta laughed and gave you a once-over. “You don’t have to change. You look really good like that.”
You scrunched up your nose at his compliment. “I didn’t call you inside for that,” you said and held up your polaroid. “I want to take a picture.”
Yuta took it from your hands and turned it on. “What’s the occasion?”
“My mom got me this locket for my birthday, so I thought I’d keep a picture of us on one side,” you said, nearly faltering when Yuta wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close for the picture. “Wait! We need to be further away so that we’re tiny in the picture.”
“I don’t see how that’s gonna work unless you have some kind of polaroid selfie stick.”
“Then stand back and let me take one of just you,” you suggested, taking the polaroid from his hands and standing back to take the picture.
You smiled at how flustered Yuta looked. He positioned himself beside the window, holding an awkward peace sign up and smiling for you. Despite how rigid he was, his smile was probably one of the most breathtaking things you had ever seen. He lit up the entire room.
You squinted to focus on Yuta before clicking the shutter button. The film started processing as soon as you snapped the picture and you were practically jumping to see the result. Yuta bit his lip, endeared, and walked over to you. You pulled the film from the camera and started shaking it in the air so it would dry faster.
“How do I look?” he asked, taking the polaroid from you while you were occupied with his picture.
“It’s not ready yet,” you whined, anticipation bubbling up in your throat. At that moment, a flash went off and you looked up, shocked, only to see Yuta taking a picture of you. “I wasn’t ready!”
Yuta grinned and held the polaroid up before you could grab it from him. “I’m keeping this one.”
“What if I look bad?” you asked with a pout, getting on your toes to reach for the film.
“You never look bad.”
“Okay, then in the earth-shattering event that I happen to look terrible, give it back to me.”
“You’d still look cute.”
You gave up on trying to get Yuta to give in when your film finally processed. A smile tugged at your lips when you saw how it turned out. The lighting wasn’t the best but Yuta’s smile was so radiant that it didn’t seem to matter that the rest of the room looked dark.
Then, you realized there was a pressing issue.
“You’re too big,” you observed. “I can’t fit your whole face in my locket.”
Yuta tucked the polaroid of you in his pocket and frowned. “We can take another—”
“I’ll just cut one of your facial features out and keep it in there,” you decided.
“Are you even allowed to cut those?” he asked, looking concerned when you shrugged.
Yuta watched in horror as you used eeny, meeny, mini, moe to choose which facial feature you would keep in your locket. Your finger landed on his nose and you hummed in satisfaction. You moved to the kitchen to grab a pair of scissors and started cutting out his nose in the picture.
“You’re defiling my face,” Yuta said, wincing at how you cut his picture in half without batting an eye.
You held up the tiny fragment of what remained of his polaroid. Opening your locket carefully, you placed it in the empty slot carefully and smiled. It looked rather odd but it would have to do for now. You closed the locket and grinned up at your boyfriend.
You beamed. “We can go now.”
Yuta entwined his hand with yours, a fond smile on his face. It was odd that you two were now a newly-minted couple. It felt like all the bickering and fighting had been a thing of the past, only something you would mention if you wanted to laugh about it. A month ago, the thought of you both actually getting along would never have crossed your mind, but now you were holding his hand and ready to go on a date.
“By the way,” you added, “where are we even going?”
Yuta flashed his glowing smile again. “How do you like fairs?”
If you were going to be perfectly honest, you had never gone to a fair before.
You had seen them in a lot of cheesy rom-coms and occasionally once a year when you were driving by a fair that was set up. The only remarkable thing you had watched about fairs was how the male lead tried to win a bunch of games to impress the female lead. If Yuta was attempting to follow clichés to impress you, he was only going to make a fool out of himself because you were just as competitive as he was.
You observed that Yuta’s driving was quite reliable. The only problem was that you were a big distraction, and every time he placed his hand on your knee, you were terrified he was going to crash. He always brushed the incident off like it was nothing, but left you flustered and startled. The ride to the fair was no different; Yuta’s hand rarely left your knee unless he had to shift gears.
The actual fair was smaller than you had imagined. There were a few rides that looked fun but not very safe, a plethora of game booths, and a dozen food carts scattered about. The buzzing energy was already warming you up, rattling your entire body down to your feet.
“What do you wanna do first?” Yuta asked. He mocked an exaggerated gasp when he saw the lost look in your eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve never been to a fair before.”
You huffed. “It’s not like I didn’t know they existed.”
“Okay, in my defense—”
“You’ve never been to a fair before?” Yuta exclaimed. “I’m kind of shocked but honored to take your fair virginity.”
“Shut up.” You elbowed Yuta’s side upon hearing his crude comment. “What do people even do at fairs?”
“Well, I was planning to stroke my ego by winning one of those toys for you,” Yuta replied.
You looked in the direction Yuta was pointing. It was one of those ‘everyone’s a winner’ ring toss games. You had seen a lot of tricks about games such as those on the internet, but you decided to let your boyfriend have his moment. That, or witness him pathetically fail.
Yuta led you to the booth, gripping your hand tightly and pointing up at the stuffed animals on display. Most of them were pretty ugly, but the thrill of winning one made the prize much more desirable. You watched as Yuta slid the booth owner a bill and took the three plastic rings handed to him.
“Watch closely, Y/N,” he said, his tongue poking out a little as he concentrated.
You giggled at the sight and pulled out your phone to record him. “Go on.”
Yuta tossed one ring and missed completely. He clicked his tongue and repositioned himself to try again. He looked as if he was in deep concentration as he threw the second one, which hit the rim of one bottle but fell to the ground. Yuta ran a hand through his hair sheepishly and you laughed. This was definitely going to put a dent in his pride.
“You got this,” you encouraged, though your faith in him was diminishing fast. “Come on. One more.”
Yuta paused and adjusted his elbow before he flicked his wrist to throw the ring toward the back.
He missed again.
You burst out laughing, delighted with the video footage you had gotten of your boyfriend slipping up. You clapped and walked over to him. You looked up at Yuta’s grim face with a bright smile.
“There’s something you can get me that doesn’t require you losing an ‘everyone’s a winner’ game,” you offered, tugging at his sleeve. “Come on, I really want it!”
“I think I need three business days to recover.”
“You and your ego will be perfectly fine,” you said, rolling your eyes as you led him to another booth. “Can you catch one for me?”
Yuta grinned. “I want a kiss in return.”
“It’s my birthday, not yours.”
It was one of the goldfish scooping games. It was the only fair game that you had been wanting to try, and you were ecstatic when you saw it out of the corner of your eye during Yuta’s ring toss fail. You weren’t too confident about actually catching them yourself, so you kneeled down next to Yuta as he tried to catch a goldfish in his little net.
“They’re all little babies,” you cooed, watching the goldfish zip through the water. “Yuta, get that one with the big eyes.”
“This is not humane at all,” Yuta grumbled and cornered in on the goldfish you wanted. “We’re saving you, little guy.”
You clapped, face lit up as Yuta scooped the goldfish in his net. He held his hand under the net and stood up carefully as the goldfish tried to writhe around in the net. The booth attendee came over with a plastic bag that was halfway filled with water, and he let Yuta drop the fish in.
After tying up and sealing the bag, Yuta handed you your new fish.
“We should name him,” you said, admiring the fish as it swam about in its tiny home. “We can be his parents.”
Yuta pressed a kiss to your temple and asked, “How do you know it’s a dude?”
“Taeyong told me that male goldfish aren’t as big and have longer fins than females,” you said. You held the plastic bag up until it was at eyesight. “Let’s name him Mr. Gubbles.”
Yuta laughed, looking as if he was cringing at the name, but he saluted the fish as soon as you shot him a glare. “Mr. Gubbles sounds great. In fact, it’s perfect! Out-of-this-world, never-been-done-before, extraordinary—”
“You don’t need to overdo it.” You smiled and got on your toes to place a chaste kiss on his full lips. “But thanks.”
You swore you had never seen Yuta so red.
Getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend was odd.
You weren’t too sure as to what expectations you were held to with the girlfriend role, and you had to get used to Yuta Nakamoto being one of the people closest to you. There were a lot of things that you wanted to do with him and a lot of ways you wanted to get to know him. So, you texted him whenever possible for the most random reasons. Whether it was what you had for breakfast or what Mr. Gubbles did that day, you unconsciously found yourself telling Yuta.
One risque text, however, ended up with your boyfriend at your door in a matter of minutes.
“Oh, hello,” you greeted, amused.
You held the door open wider so Yuta could walk in. His normally marvelling crescents morphed into lust, narrowing in on you. As soon as his hands found their way to your waist, you knew you had made him snap. Yuta closed the door for you but did so by pinning you up against it, body flush against yours.
“You’re real trouble, you know that?” he growled, tilting his head so he could start nipping at your neck. “Why would you send me those pictures without any warning?”
“I did warn you!” you pointed out. “I asked if you wanted to see some pictures I took.”
“I thought they were gonna be the fish, not your body!”
Earlier you had sent Yuta some pictures of you posing in the new lingerie you bought. Since the both of you hadn’t done anything sexually since your birthday two weeks ago, it left you two agitated and wanting more. Naturally, Yuta finally built up the courage to ask if he could fuck you.
“Are you just gonna keep me here?” you asked, raising a brow at the way he caged you but wouldn’t close the distance.
“No, I’m gonna fulfill your request of being a more traditional couple,” he replied darkly. “Are you sure about this, though?”
Yuta’s eyes were smouldering. He wanted to protect you, but he also wanted to ruin you. Shatter you around him and watch you get ruined. He wanted to bruise and mark you up until he couldn’t see an inch of you without seeing what he left behind.
You knew he was too soft to go too far, though.
“Of course,” you breathed out.
Yuta’s hard expression wilted into a sly smirk. His hands dropped to rest at your hips while he raised his head to lick the shell of your ear.
“I don’t think you get it, kitten,” he whispered, “I’m going to break you.”
You understood his implication perfectly. Before, back when you and Yuta had nothing more than bad blood between you, you would have been repulsed, disgusted. Now, the shock and arousal was coursing through your body, making your heart soar and your legs tremble.
“Break me, then.”
The gleam in Yuta’s eyes darkened and he scooped you up without another word. You yelped and wrapped your legs around his waist to steady yourself, already getting butterflies at the way his hands were gripping your thighs. He didn’t need to ask where your room was, walking his way over with his eyes completely trained on you, like you would disappear if he looked away.
As soon he shut your bedroom door behind him, Yuta dropped you onto your bed. You had no time to register the fall because he had his lips slotted with yours almost immediately, hands running up and down your body. You whined against his lips, needy, hands tugging at the hem of his shirt.
Yuta complied to your request and pulled away to grab his shirt at the nape, pulling off in a swift motion. Your gaze traveled down to his abs, so raw and defined, but you darted back to his eyes when you noticed the cocky smirk that curled at his lips.
He had no intention of letting you undress yourself. Yuta peeled off your shirt, a hungry look in his eyes as he looked over your top half, from your collarbone, to the swell of your breasts, and back up again after he reached your naval. You met his gaze with a breathy sigh, head swimming when he leaned over you and kissed you again. Yuta’s finger traced a line down your torso, his touch light as a feather but leaving you craving more.
“You’re so fucking perfect,” he growled.
You whined when Yuta broke away. His hand that rested at the small of your back pushed you up so you were sitting, and Yuta unleashed all his pent-up lust on you. You didn’t get a second to breathe because his lips were everywhere, kissing down your neck, to your collarbone, to the valley between your breasts.
He unhooked your bra with ease and groaned at the sight of you. You curled a hand into Yuta’s hair just before his lips attached to your hardened nipples, sucking and pecking at them and rousing mewls from you. Then, Yuta continued his trail down your body, kissing each inch of skin. He tugged your pants down and peppered kisses down your leg as he got rid of your clothing.
You shivered. You and Yuta had gotten close, but you still hadn’t lost your virginity to him. There were times where you felt like he would get caught up and go all the way, but he always stopped himself.
Now, with the hungry look in his eyes, you weren’t too sure if he was going to stop.
“Are you sure about this?” Yuta asked, kissing the top of your thighs as his fingers snapped the waistband of your underwear.
You groaned and sat up to grab his face. “Yuta Nakamoto, I have been patiently waiting for you to make me see stars. If you chicken out again, I’m literally going to run you over with my Bugatti.”
You considered yourself a professional at getting some fire out of Yuta.
Yuta grinned lazily and got up to unbutton his pants, tugging them down along with his boxers to reveal his impressive size. You had seen his cock before, but thinking about how all of it was going to fit in you was unnerving. You swallowed hard, only making Yuta’s smirk grow when he noticed your concern.
“You’ll catch flies,” he mocked, and you thought back to your comment when he came over to your house the first time. You wanted as Yuta unwrapped a condom wrapper hastily with his teeth and slid the latex over his cock with a pump. He looked at you and said, “You have to tell me if it hurts. I want you crying because of how good I am, not for any other reasons.”
You nodded, still distracted by the size of his cock, and met Yuta’s smug expression with a bewildered one when he got over you. A gasp fell from your lips when your boyfriend cupped your apex with no warning, his middle finger rolling around your clit at a steady rhythm.
After he got rid of your underwear and went back to torturing your clit, you processed how shocked you were that you were laid bare in front of Yuta and felt completely at ease. Your train of thoughts quickly went off the rails when Yuta started kissing all over your neck again, even that spot under your ear that always made you squirm.
Yuta bit his lip at the way your hips bucked when he licked two fingers and slid them inside of you You didn’t expect him to start with more than one, but you didn’t mind. Your brain was turning to mush as he worked his fingers in you, sucking hickies into the side of your neck.
“That feels really good,” you breathed out, turning your cheek to the pillow to keep yourself a little grounded.
“I know,” Yuta replied smugly, “you’re so wet for me, princess.”
You pouted. “I’m not that wet.”
“You’re drenched,” Yuta growled. “So fucking tight, too.” He met your hazy gaze and used his free hand to grip your waist. “Are you ready for my cock, doll?”
“Please,” you begged, cringing at how painfully obvious it was that you had been waiting for this. “You know I’m ready.”
Yuta chuckled and lined up his cock in place, rubbing the head against your soaked pussy, fingers prodding your clit as you let out a soft cry of his name. Thankfully, he didn’t make you wait long, pushing into you with a low, guttural groan that would be burned into your brain forever.
Thankfully, he waited for you to get adjusted, and he took his time to get inside you. You felt like you were splitting in half but the initial discomfort slowly morphed into pleasure.
“Yuta!” you cried out when he started thrusting at a slow pace.
Your moans only encouraged him to speed up. You held onto the sheets and clenched around him, crying louder with the occasional “right there!” when he hit that perfect spot below your cervix. Yuta growled filthy words in your ear as he pounded into you erratically. He knew your body like it was on the back of his hand, and angled your hips so he could fuck into you even better.
You didn’t mind being roughed up in the hottest way possible, but nothing could have prepared you for the way his hips met yours and his fingers worked on your clit with little semblance of mercy. His breathing grew ragged, unhinged.
“You’re doing so good,” he rasped out. “You fit so perfectly around me, princess. You’re taking it so well.”
Your eyes burned into his, half-lidded and on the brink of release. Yuta was filling you to the brim, stretching you out so well that you couldn’t form coherent thoughts. You were chanting his name like it was the only thing you knew, only being able to ground yourself whenever he wiped stray tears from your cheeks.
Yuta’s languid thrusts didn’t falter even as he asked, “Can you cum for me?”
“Cum… cum—yeah, yeah I can,” you whined out, nails digging into his back.
“Pretty,” he grumbles, pupils blown out as he punctuated his words with a sharp snap of his hips. “So fucking pretty.”
You opened your mouth to tell him how close you were, but then his cock hit that certain spot that made you see stars. It made your thoughts scatter and little pinpricks of light flash in the back of your eyes.
“Oh! Right there, Yuta!” you sobbed out.
And god, you knew that grin of his would be the death of you. He was so prideful even as he ruthlessly pounded into that one spot that was making you teeter off the edge. The pleasure was bursting hot inside of you, building up until you finally fell apart.
You let out a broken sob and cried out his name—a raw sound that even you hardly recognized. Your orgasm made your vision go blurry for a second, the pleasure overwhelming you to the point that you could only see white for a second. Yuta, however, only slowed his pace in favor of making deeper, meaningful thrusts.
“Look at me,” your boyfriend ordered, and you could tell he was clenching his jaw in order to keep his own release at bay.
Your eyes were misted over but you looked up at him, lips parted as you struggled to catch your breath. Yuta brutally fucked you, working on your clit as well to bring you to the brink again. The second time your orgasm came, you were blindsided and on the verge of screaming in pure bliss.
Yuta tucked his face into the crook of your neck and let out a loud, throaty groan as he finished inside of you. The room fell silent soon after, the only sound being your heavy pants and ghosts of your whimpers remembering the way he touched you.
Yuta was the first to speak. “Wow.”
“Wow indeed,” you breathed out.
Yuta laughed, a little winded. He rolled off of you and slid the condom off of his cock. He threw it into the trashcan before collapsing beside you. You smiled and pulled him closer as he wrapped his arm around your waist and kissed your forehead.
“That was like a premium fuck,” he mused.
“Please never say that again.”
Summer was flying by faster than you had expected.
The next month was blissfully spent in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You and Yuta spent as much time together as possible without being found out. He would sneak you into his room (which was far easier with one of his roommates, Taeyong, being away for tutoring camp), and the both of you would cuddle on his bed and watch movies on his phone. On another occasion, Yuta and you wound up making out in the back of his car when he spotted a couple of his friends. That resulted in you being pushed to the ground and Yuta getting no action after that.
While it wasn’t much of a big deal, Yuta made sure to satisfy your sexual needs thoroughly. After some browsing and online consultation, you learned that your boyfriend was spoiling you by giving you what you wanted most of the time. You preferred being a pillow princess since he liked to treat you like one.
Yuta and you made out like champions, yes, but you appreciated so much more about him. He would send you songs that reminded him of you at random times; ask you if you needed a hug and show up to give you one no matter what; teach you to play the guitar even though you were absolutely terrible at the guitar; and sing songs in your ear when you had a hard time falling asleep, even if it was over the phone.
He still poked fun at you as usual. There was never a day when Yuta wouldn’t start randomly bickering with you over something, only to resolve it by kissing your nose to diffuse the tension. (Seeing your nose scrunch up made him putty in your hands).
When you introduced Yuta to your mom, he was a sweating, stuttering wreck. You had never seen him so afraid in the time you knew him. It was endearing to see him so worked up over meeting one of the most important people in your life.
Honestly, you thought he was just a loser, but when Yuta introduced you to his parents, you nearly forgot your name.
You told Taeyong everything between you and Yuta since he had been picking up on it. It was incredible how he was hours away but managed to figure out your best kept secret. Since your best friend helped you set up your fish tank for Mr. Gubbles and told you how to properly care for a goldfish, he would check up on the fish every now and then. One of those times happened to be when Yuta was in the middle of giving you a hickey, and your boyfriend had no intention of removing his lips from your skin.
You ended up coughing and giggling a lot over the phone, making Taeyong very concerned by how panicked you sounded. He even questioned if you were being hostage. When he asked if Yuta was there, you had to make a quick excuse, brushing off the comment and saying you had to go. Later that night, however, you wound up calling Taeyong and explaining everything from start to finish.
It was his fault anyway for giving you Yuta Nakamoto for your birthday.
You thought your summer dream would never end, but now there was a little less than a few weeks left and you were getting anxious. You and Yuta had planned to stop hiding your relationship by the end of summer, and you were wondering how you would go from sneaking around to being able to hold hands in front of everyone. You weren’t big on PDA to begin with, so that was going to take time to adjust to.
Yuta, however, proclaimed that he wanted to drop the act earlier.
“Tomorrow night at Jaehyun’s party,” he whispered into your hair, “I don’t want to keep hiding around everyone. Let’s not make a show out of it. We can just hold hands and people can figure out the rest themselves.”
You found it funny how your old crush on Jaehyun had just been dusted under the carpet. You were sure Yuta was aware that it was nothing but simple attraction, and your boyfriend was confident enough to not see his teammate as a threat. The only thing that left you puzzled about Jeong Jaehyun was how he managed to hold ragers at his place without getting caught.
You and Yuta were laying on a blanket that was spread across the bed of his truck, looking up at the canvas of stars and galaxies beyond. It was his personal request to stargaze. He said he wanted to show you the constellations. Another thing you learned about Yuta was that he was very intimate when he wanted to be close.
“Taeyong will be back by then,” you remembered. “You and I don’t have very good experiences at parties, though.”
Yuta laughed, loud and rich as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “That’s different. You’re a different person, now. Well, not different but a good different.”
“Are you saying I was shitty before?”
“I still liked you, loser.” Yuta scoffed. “You’re just… more understanding now.”
You knew what he meant. You saw it in yourself, too. You felt like you were a shell of a person before, lacking direction and purpose. Lacking the ability to care properly for those around you. You weren’t even that great of a friend to Taeyong.
Yuta added, “You’re also less materialistic.”
That was wrong. You still succumbed to capitalism, but you kept it more on the down-low.
You smiled and cupped Yuta’s face in your hands, holding him at a distance so you could see his face clearly. “And you’re still horny and annoying, but I… like you.”
You bit your lip after your hesitation. Saying the word love was a task you never expected to be so hard. You could tell yourself you loved Yuta because you did—you loved a lot of things about him. You loved how he made you feel, how he was as a person, and how the two of you felt like you burned brighter than a supernova.
Loving Yuta was as natural as rain falling, as fire burning, as the sun shining. You loved Yuta so much that when you broke yourself into pieces, you put yourself back together again because he saw the potential of growth in you.
Yuta made you glow.
But why was it so fucking hard to say that one word?
“Hey,” Yuta suddenly said, cupping your cheek. “We’ve had a lot of deep conversations, but is it okay if I ask something kind of personal?”
“Why don’t you ever talk about your dad?” he asked, voice softer around the edges this time. He raised his hand to cup your face, thumb stroking your cheek as his other fingers wove into your hair. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”
You dropped your gaze away from his eyes at the mention of your father. He had remained tucked and tangled in the web of problems you left in the back of your mind. You thought you understood longing—longing for your father who would love you as much as you loved him.
You thought you understood longing; yet, nothing would compare to sitting in your empty bedroom, waiting for your father to come home, only to never see him again.
Maybe you should have picked up the phone and tried to contact him. Maybe then he’d come home. Instead, you kept a distance to protect yourself, to protect the meaning of what your father was to you.
It wasn’t that you held any resentment or anger toward your father, but rather, you were just scared of being unloved. You knew you would be more crushed if you tried to contact your father and found out he didn’t want to reconnect with you. The only thing you held onto were old memories and the hope that he was still the father that kissed the top of your head when you were upset, that made you hot chocolate when you had a bad dream, that tucked you in bed if you fell asleep on the couch.
You answered your boyfriend like you were treading on broken glass, “He left us.” You weren’t sure what Yuta’s expression looked like but you continued on to explain anyway, “Around three years ago, my dad got in a fight with my mom and disappeared. We haven’t talked since.”
“Do you want to want to reconnect with him?” came Yuta’s voice after a few moments of silence and processing.
You let the question sink into your bones. Distance provided the clarity that you didn’t hate your father for leaving, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to talk to him. You wanted to at some point, but the thought of trying to call him made your heartbeat feel erratic.
“I’m scared,” you admitted as Yuta pulled you closer. “What if he doesn’t want to speak to me?”
“You won’t know until you try, right? Plus, he’s your dad, Y/N. I’m sure he misses you just as much as you miss him,” Yuta replied. “If you love him that much, reaching out is worth a shot, right?”
“He hasn’t reached out to me in three years,” you mumbled.
“Honestly, if you’re your father’s daughter,” Yuta said, “he’s probably waiting for you to call him, too. I’m guessing your stubbornness comes from him.”
“You know what, you’re right. Not about the stubborn thing—screw you for that.” You sucked in a sharp breath and sat up. “It’s about time I did something about it.”
Yuta reached for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze once he entwined his fingers with yours. “Will you be okay?” he asked. “Call me if you need anything.”
Yuta pulled you to his chest, whispering, “I love you.”
The ember inside you burned brighter, lighting up all the stars in the sky. You always felt it with Yuta. There was that electric current through your body, galvanizing your limbs and drawing you closer to him.
But you couldn’t say it back.
You knew your father’s phone number by heart. It was etched into the back of your head, burned into your skin. If he hadn’t changed his number in the past three years, the call would go through to him and, if you were lucky, he’d pick up the phone.
You were pacing in your room at this point.
You just had to call him and wait for him to pick up. You scripted out an entire conversation, hoping he would follow suit and not leave you a floundering mess, blanking on words and ideas. You only had to worry about that if he actually took the call, but you liked to prepare in advance.
You hadn’t told your mother that you were going to contact your father. You weren’t sure how she felt about your father, so you decided to leave her in the dark unless you came back with good news.
You had the numbers punched in, but your finger was hovering over the call button.
You breathed in slowly. You can do this, Y/N.
You hit call.
The phone started ringing and your heartbeat spiked. He hadn’t changed his number. Your blood was running cold under your skin, goosebumps pricking along your arms as you waited out the rings. They felt like they were drawn out longer than usual, the ringing resonating in your ears a little louder and the echo lingering more than usual.
Then the ringing stopped.
“Y/N? Is that you?” came your father’s gentle voice, struck with disbelief.
It had been three years since you heard from your father, only seeing him in the history of your bank transactions. It had been three years of missing him. Three years of waiting for him. Three years of sitting at the couch and waiting for him to sit next to you and turn on a sports channel. Three years of walking past his empty room and waiting for the day he opens it.
It had been three years and all that pain dissipated instantly.
“Dad?” you asked, voice cracking. Tears were rimming your waterline but you blinked them away. Everything you had scripted in your head had completely vanished. You cleared your throat, abashed, and continued, “It’s me.”
You learned that life never went the way you expected it to.
People fell in and out of love all the time. Your father had his reasons for splitting with your mother, and while he might have been irresponsible for completely abandoning you, you didn’t want to hold onto that anger. You learned to cherish the people around you while you could.
Three years was enough for you and your father to grow as individuals. He rebuilt his life and you rebuilt your morals and ideals. Still, despite all that growth, he was the same father that loved you so deeply and was so pitifully terrified that you would resent him forever.
You told him you could never hate him. You waited for him for three years, and there was probably no man on the planet you would wait that long for. Your father told you he had been a coward for years, reluctant to call you yet hoped that you would call first.
Fuck, you thought when he had said that. Yuta was right.
Your father was doing well, though. You were never worried about his financial status; he was rich enough to get by comfortably. He hadn’t remarried but he had a dog and a huge house—a new life that he wanted to share with you. Thus, he asked if you wanted to visit him and perhaps make it a regular thing. You told him about your life, about Taeyong, about Yukhei, about Yuta, and felt giddy when he expressed interest in meeting your new boyfriend.
The two of you planned to meet over the weekend (after he contacted your mother about it, of course), so the conversation ended with the prospect of restoring a broken bridge.
When you hung up, your head was clearer than it had ever been.
You wanted to see Yuta.
“What’s up?” came your boyfriend’s voice when you called him. “Did he ghost you?”
“No, stupid.” You huffed. “I just need to see you right now.”
“Alright, I’ll call—”
“In person, Yuta,” you cut in.
There was silence for a moment before Yuta replied, “I’ll be there in five.”
You snickered when Yuta cut the call. He was probably losing his mind over the vagueness of your request, but you couldn’t say it over the phone. You needed to look him in the eyes and get out the words that were itching to be verbalized.
When Yuta knocked on your door, he looked petrified. You opened the door, practically overflowing with unexplainable excitement. Yuta didn’t seem to pick up on your energy, however, and looked like he was ready to be broken up with.
He started, “Y/N—”
“I love you.”
You loved him. You loved him.
You knew it hadn’t been easy for either of you, but none of the best things were. You’ve waited too long to understand your feelings so clearly, but they weren’t just feelings, you loved him down to your soul. Even if everything was stripped away from you, you still had Yuta. He was your person.
The words fell from your mouth and echoed in the space between you like a handful of dropped marbles. Yuta searched your eyes for any signs of mirth, but you were dead serious. You had never been so sure of anything in your life. You watched his Adam’s apple bob, gaze dropping to the ground; he was either going to cry or start teasing you right then and there, but you weren’t keen on witnessing either.
“Are you about to cry?” you asked, trying to hold in your laughter.
“No.” Yuta’s voice wavered and he looked miserable. “You just—you just never said it back when we were stargazing, okay? I was worried but now—ugh.”
You giggled at his reaction. You felt tingles from your brain to the tips of your fingers, buzzing with this newfound feeling of expressing how you felt to the person you loved.
“Are you gonna say it back or do I have to be emotionally vulnerable all by myself?” you pressed.
“You can be a melt on your own.”
You punched his shoulder hard, inciting a grunt from your poor boyfriend. “That’s rich, coming from you. You’re the real softie out of the both of us.”
He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m kidding! But you already know my feelings.”
“I wanna hear it again,” you demanded as Yuta pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured into your hair after kissing that one spot under your ear. “I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow.”
You smiled. “I love you too, Yuta.”
All things came to an end eventually; if you could’ve had it your way, you would’ve never let your summer end.
For one, you were kind of pissed that Taeyong had to come home so late. Sure, you had a few more weeks to spend with him, but you needed to figure out how you were going to catch up on over a month of not seeing each other.
Another thing that pissed you off was that Taeyong was directionally challenged, so when you went to pick him up from the bus stop and didn’t see him there, you were sad to say that you weren’t surprised. He had taken the wrong bus and ended up several cities away. You ended up having to cancel your lunch plans and told Taeyong you would meet him at Jaehyun’s party.
Later, when Yuta was parking near Jaehyun’s place, you were so burnt out that you immediately started complaining.
“Slow down, slow down,” Yuta said. “So you want to go see Taeyong, but you’re sad that summer’s ending?”
“Those aren’t even connected,” Yuta replied bluntly.
You whined. “Summer ending means less time with Taeyong!”
“We all literally go to the same college!” Yuta argued and lowered his head to meet your eyes. “Are you just scared that going back to school means going back to how we used to be?”
“Not everything’s about you,” you retaliated even though Yuta hit the bullseye.
Yuta snickered and a few seconds passed. There was just silence as Yuta waited for you to say something, and you waited for him to just get out of the car already so you both could go to the party.
“Can you hold me?”
He snorted at your request, mostly because there was no way he would say no to that. Yuta sighed and used the lever on the side to move his seat back, leaving enough space for you to sit on his lap. He patted his thigh and you crawled onto his lap. When you were settled, you let out a shaky, breathless laugh at how cramped it was. Nevertheless, you leaned forward and laid your head against his chest.
“You’re a handful,” he teased.
“I know,” you replied, and then he leaned in to kiss you, and you melted into him. Before it got too far, though, you pulled away with your hands on his chest. “In the car? Seriously?”
“We’re not a traditional couple,” Yuta defended, “but you may return to your seat if you don’t want a ride.”
You frowned. “But we’re already at the party.”
“That’s not the kind of ride I was talking about.”
“Oh.” Your eyes shone when you finally got it. “Oh.”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it’s—”
Yuta nearly choked, eyes wide at your request. “Did you just ask me to finger you unprovoked?”
“How the hell was it unprovoked? You literally asked me to ride you,” you fired back.
“It was sudden, okay? No, but seriously, if you don’t want to—”
“Oh my god.” You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes and groaned. “Yuta, I will run you over with your own car.”
He laughed, rich and bright before pressing his lips to yours, carding a hand through hair. You leaned back and jolted in his lap when the horn went off.
It was your turn to laugh. “Turn off the engine!”
“My bad, my bad,” he said, turning the key with a grin.
He turned back to you and slotted his lips with yours again, pulling you unbearably close. Yuta’s fingers unbuttoned your shorts just enough for him to access your underwear. He let out a pleased grunt when he found that the cloth covering you was already damp.
Your chest twisted when you felt his cold fingers sliding against your slit. When he slid his first finger in, your sharp intake of breath was so sudden that you forgot how to breathe for a second. His second finger was less sudden, but you were starting to feel overstimulated when he started speeding up his movements. Soft mewls and whimpers escaped your lips as Yuta worked on your clit with his thumb and curled his fingers inside of you.
Nearly ten minutes in and Yuta was working you to your release but slowed his fingers down whenever you were close to an orgasm. You gritted your teeth. He was edging you, and you weren’t having it, so you started riding his fingers yourself. Yuta watched you with a look on his face that was somewhere between amazed and proud. He assisted by rubbing your clit to help bring you back to your release.
You fell into it without much of a warning, clenching and squirming around his fingers as your body shuddered due to the immense pleasure. You buried your face into Yuta’s shoulder, letting out a muffled moan. You were already wary about doing this in the car, but the thrill of being caught made you even more excited.
Yuta pulled his fingers out of you and licked them one-by-one as you buttoned up your shorts again. You let out a breathless laugh, spent and relieved.
“I guess you could say we’re starting off the party with a bang,” Yuta said.
“That was absolutely horrid.”
A knock on Yuta’s window made you jolt. Your blood went cold.
“Hey, lovebirds,” he called. “Sorry to interrupt your moment, but I need to borrow Y/N.”
You took back everything you said about the thrill of being caught. There was nothing thrilling about this. It was downright disgraceful.
“W-when did you get here?” you stuttered, practically falling out of Yuta’s lap and stumbling to catch your balance as you leaped out of the car. You crushed Taeyong in a hug, something you weren’t sure he would appreciate if he actually witnessed Yuta fingering you. “I missed you!”
“Just now,” he replied as he returned your hug. You were relieved but the shame was still hot in your cheeks. “Looks like you liked my birthday gift a little too much,” he said, throwing Yuta a side-glance before looking at you knowingly. “Told you so.”
“Oh, shut up,” you responded shyly. “We have so much to catch up on.”
“I have absolutely nothing planned for the next few weeks so I’m all yours,” Taeyong said. “I’ll be around when Lover Boy isn’t.”
You scoffed a little as Yuta got out of the car to walk beside you. You weren’t used to being sandwiched between them; usually, it was Taeyong that had to be in the middle to keep you both from clawing each other’s throats out.
“Taeyong, we missed you doing the laundry for us. How was camp?” Yuta asked.
“Terrible,” he said. “How was Y/N?”
“Really good,” Yuta answered, and you punched his shoulder. He winced and corrected, “Really good person."
“Uh-huh,” Taeyong replied, slightly disgusted. “Have you two made it official yet?”
You shook your head. “We’re just going to be together tonight and let everyone assume we are. No schematics.”
The three of you made your way to Jaehyun’s door and waited for him to open it. You supposed they were still setting up since you couldn’t hear or see any signs of life in the house. You were at least expecting the bass-boosted music and strobe lights, but now even the door was closed.
“We can just go in, I guess,” Taeyong said, reaching forward to open the door. He frowned and stepped inside. “Why is it so dark in here?”
Yuta closed the door behind you after you walked in. He looked down at you with a fond smile as you tried to make him out in the darkness. His hand moved up to brush your hair aside and cup your cheek.
“You’re ready for our relationship to be public, right?” he asked.
“Of course,” you replied, eyes fluttering shut when your boyfriend leaned down to give you a quick kiss.
Right when Yuta’s lips touched yours, however, all the lights turned on, and more than a dozen people jumped into view. It scared you and Taeyong out of your wits, practically jumping at the sound of the poppers shooting confetti all over the place.
“Welcome back, Taeyong!” their cheering rang through the house like a choir.
Taeyong looked absolutely exhausted as the basketball team members rushed forward to pat him on the back. “Thanks. I nearly pissed myself,” he replied, impassive.
“Hold on,” Jungwoo called out, silencing the room. “Yuta and Y/N, wanna explain yourselves back there?”
You blinked and then realized that Yuta was still cupping your cheek, bent over a little like he was leaning in for a kiss. A chorus of shouts and hollers rose from the small gathering, and you wanted to crawl in a hole and die. While you were freaking out, Yuta was unfazed as ever, looking toward you for a reaction.
So much for no schematics, you thought.
“Yuta Nakamoto finally got a girlfriend? And it’s Y/N?” Jaehyun asked, thoroughly amused. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
Yukhei, who moved closer to the front, shook his head at you. “It’s between you and God now, Y/N.”
Your jaw went slack, shocked at the betrayal you were witnessing. You weren’t sure how to even respond to the teasing. You were just waiting for Yuta to say something about it, but he just stared at you and waited for you to answer. He finally got the message when you nudged his side.
“Well, I was going to be subtle about bringing it up, but I guess Y/N had other plans,” Yuta joked, making you wish you never encouraged him to open his mouth.
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you!” you argued. “You were the one leaning in and trying to kiss me out of nowhere!”
“Well, I told you,” Yuta replied with a lazy grin, “we’re not a very traditional couple.”
Jaehyun and Jungwoo tried to diffuse your petty argument while simultaneously trying to get the inside scoop on how you and Yuta got together. You allowed Yuta to explain, then cut in at times to correct his skewed storytelling. Jaemin and YangYang joined in just as you were insisting that you did not, in fact, break down in tears and profess your undying love to Yuta.
“They’re always at it even when they’re crazy for each other, aren’t they?” Yukhei asked, snickering as he watched you and Yuta bicker.
“Yeah,” Taeyong agreed with a wistful sigh, “but they need the chase. That’s why they work so well together.”
When the attention around you and Yuta’s relationship had died down, you felt a massive weight being taken off of your shoulders. Yuta smiled at you and despite all the squabbles and jokes, you always felt at ease when you saw that twinkle in his eyes.
You loved him. Truly loved him with your entire being.
Even if you two weren’t a very traditional couple.
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