#nct jaehyun angst

[hyuckssunchip]

For The First Time in a Long Time

Pairings: Jaehyun x Reader

Words: 1K

Warnings: soft fluff, hints of sadness and depression, 

Synopsis:

Your husband Jaehyun and yourself move into a new apartment. When things start to get sad, Jaehyun finds a fun new way to brighten the mood. Maybe you’ll forget things for a while, or maybe you’ll just learn to be content for a while.

"The first thing we gotta do is take a look at the A/C.” You groaned, dropping the last of your boxes falling to the ground. You rubbed your sweaty palms along the fabric of your jeans, neck rolling around as you stretched out. 

Sighing, you took another look around the apartment, empty of signs of living, save the mounds of boxes, the last of which just passed through the door. 

“You know, I can work on that right now.” Jaehyun answered, setting down his back and standing straight up whilst wiping the sheen of sweat off his face. 

“No way mister,” You gave him a teasing glare, hands falling to your hips, “You are not getting out of unpacking.”

Jaehyun collapsed on the couch, arm falling back over the cushion as he strained his neck to look back at you. “C’mon, let’s just take a break.”

Glancing at your watch you noted the time, just past seven. The spot on the couch was looking extremely enticing, not that you really needed convincing, exhaustion was already taking over. 

You gave in, sinking into the cushion beside him, nuzzling into his chest. “Fine,” You mumbled against him, “But real quick, ‘cus we gotta finish unpacking, or else we’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”

You felt the rumbles of his laughter on your cheek as his shoulders shook, “I wouldn’t mind that. I’d be like camping.”

Smiling into his chest you glanced up at him, eyeing the way that his cheeks caved around his dimples, eyes disappearing when his face lit up with laughter. 

With only the steady sound of each other’s breathing keeping you company as you stared out the window. 

The two of you had managed to score a pretty good view of the city skyline, of course it cost a pretty penny, but well worth it as you stared outside. 

But the more and more you looked outside, despite the bright city lights, you found yourself focusing on the dark, unable to tear your eyes off it. There was a part of you that ached at the darkness, like it was eating you up inside.

“Jae?” It came out as a broken whisper, and you tried not to focus on the way that it cracked.

“Hmmm?” His hand went to your head, hand stroking at your hair, his way of unconsciously comforting you. 

“You think that this is it?”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun glanced at you, but you dug yourself deeper into him, refusing to make eye contact for fear that you would finally break. It had been so long since the last time, you had managed for so long.

“We came for a fresh start. You think this is it?”

“Hey,” He shook his head, pulling away to get a good look at your face, hands on either side. “Everything’s going to be great now. I promise.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nodded back at you, placing a soft kiss on your forehead before leaning back against you. “Everything’s gonna be just fine.” 

Jaehyun mumbled the last part under his breath, unsure if you could hear it, not that it was really for you, not as much as it was for reassurance for himself. 

Moments of silence passed, both of you pondering in your own thoughts, neither of you knowing just how long had passed, but both just comforted in each other’s company.

Jaehyun suddenly stood up, sitting on the ground and reaching for a stack of boxes. You sat up straighter, leaning forward to get a better look at him. 

He craned his neck, eyes flickering through each of the boxes, and you could tell he wasn’t satisfied as he kept looking. 

Finally he seems like he saw what he needed to your left, “Can you hand me that box?”

“This one?” You crawled over to the taped up box, black letters spelling out bedroom on the side. “Why?”

He wiggled his fingers, urging you to pass it. “Come on, we’re gonna make a fort.”

“A fort Jaehyun?” You giggled, shaking your head but doing as he said anyways, “Isn’t that a little childish?”

He let out a feigned gasp, determined look on his face, “Childish? Maybe we need a little more of that around here. What? Are we all grown up and boring now?”

He pulled out a few blankets and sheets, dumping the rest of the contents recklessly, bottles of shampoo now scattered on the floor.

“I’m sorry, did you just call me boring?” You stood up, grabbing another box and pushing it in his direction, stacking another atop it immediately. 

“That’s up for interpretation.” He grinned, stacking more boxes in front of the couch, adamant on outdoing you.

It wasn’t long until the living room was covered in a mismatch of colored sheets. Stacks of cardboard boxes were covered in pale blue wrapped over white sheets completely transforming the room into your own personal hideout. 

Jaehyun was the first to enter, head popping back out with a huge grin. “Are you coming in?”

You followed suit, Jaehyun making room as he scooted behind you, the fort much larger than you had expected. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you had made a fort, or the last time you had felt like this, for that matter. Light, free. Happy.

Jaehyun’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his lap as you rocked together, mumbling about upgrades that would really set up the fort. Perhaps a few string lights, blankets, snacks.

But it didn’t really matter what else was in the fort with you, at that moment, it was perfect just the way it was, you had all you really needed in that tent. 

Maybe there were things that you wanted, desperately wanted, but everything you needed was right there with you. And they would always be with you.

“You think we’ll ever unpack that one?” You asked, eyes locking on the box sitting just out of the corner of your eye the thick black letters staring you down, duct taped so tightly to make sure nothing could get out.

Jaehyun rested his chin on your shoulder, your back against his chest, heart beating so loud he was sure you could feel it. “We’ll get there. One day Y/N, one day.”

Your lips curved ever so slightly, smile just barely making it to your eyes, but it was the happiest you had felt in a long time, and you were content with that. You were content with exactly where you were for the first time in a long time.

#nct #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct dream #nct 127 #nct imagines #nct scenerios #nct drabbles #nct smut #nct angst #nct fluff #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #nct jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fluff #nct jaehyun angst #jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun #nct jung jaehyun #fool sun

[psycheyn]

fix you — j.jh

pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader

genre: angst; breakup

warning: reader thinks they're at fault for the break up but they're really not its just :-;;v not working anymore especially if the other party's too reliant on the other one :-;;

you're on the verge of crying just by thinking of what he'll become after you drop your bomb but you held back. you know it's entirely your fault why it has come to this but there's nothing you can do anymore, and this is for the best. you've hurt him so much in so many times, took him for granted just cause you know he'll still love you no matter what. you realized Jaehyun's love for you is destroying him and you had to stop it. you had to.

"I'm sorry, but I'm breaking up with you. please refrain from calling me from now on. bye."

you barely keep yourself from crying in front of him but at least he didn't see the tear that has dropped from your eyes. you quickly turn your back on him just so you won't see his expression, but failed miserably as you imagine it. every smile, every laugh that you shared together, the frowns, emotions and vulnerability you've seen on him is vividly coming back to you now.

you hear him sniffle and that's when you felt so weak. you didn't need to hear his sobs that's getting louder by the second so you quickly walk away.

I need to do this, I am so so sorry but I had to. you need to let me go. it's for your sake. you need to love yourself as much as you love me. I love you, jaehyun. I really do. but this is the most I can do in order to protect you from hurting yourself furthermore. it wouldn't be easy I know, but you need to find yourself. and I hope the very best for you.

you hope you can say this to him but you also know that there's no point in that, he'll just accept you either way. jaehyun got to the point where he doesn't need anyone else but you. his love for you overflows his love for himself, in fact he's drowning in it without him realizing. and if god asks you to choose if you'll do it again, you will not hesitate to say yes.

you look back at him for the last time and you saw him there, crying, as he knows he can't do anything to make you come back. it's the end. as much as he wants to do something, he knows you. he knows you too well. whenever you said something you always mean it. so when Jaehyun felt you hugging him, he froze.

you couldn't resist it. as soon as you look back, the urge to run towards him, hug him, kiss him until he isn't crying anymore is strong. impulsively you feed into your desires for the last time, and so this happens.

you put your hands on both of his cheeks, looking at him straight in his eyes.

"i love you. i know you're wondering if there's someone else but there's no one so don't beat yourself into it, okay? you need to find yourself, you need to love yourself. please promise me you'll do it." you said, pleading.

It was an understatement to say the least that jaehyun is confused about what was happening but he nodded anyway. he trusts so but without a doubt, he will spend most of his time moping and thinking and regretting after all of this is done.

five blissful seconds of kiss. the both of you felt it. it was short but it was long enough to be remembered for a lifetime. you look at him in the eyes and whispered before you took off.

'Till we meet again.

*sweats profusely* haha, hi? :-;;

feedbacks are very much appreciated <":

#nct #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun fics #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun scenarios #nct drabbles #nct fanfic #nct fic recs #nct fics #nct jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x y/n #nct 127 #nct blurbs #nct jaehyun angst #jaehyun x reader break up #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jung yuno #i don't know why i thought of this #forgiveeee meeee #this is just word vomit lol #shea writes

[markleesthighs]

would you be so willing to write a sequel to 11:51? 🥺 i’m really curious as to what happened after jaehyun found out about y/n confession

-I’d love too, this concept has always been one of my favorites!

Jaehyun didn’t know how to feel, did he make a mistake? Is that why you painted that selfie? Jaehyun felt crushed. He didn’t know whether to chase after you while Rochelle is waiting for him in her car. He kept looking at you running away, and back at Rochelle.

“I’m sorry Rochelle.”

Jaehyun dashed after you, calling out your name, begging you to stop running before you slip and fall. Since it had just rained the rocks and grass were slippery, you didn’t watch where you were going and you tripped on a rock falling down on your knees. You heard Jaehyun screaming your name after seeing you fall.

Jaehyun caught up with you and your eyes had already been filled with tears, hopefully he just thought it was because you fell. Jaehyun suggested you go to the nurse, hoping that they are still here, you were telling him it was fine, but he kept nagging you to go. You agreed and Jaehyun picked you up, carrying you to the nurse’s office.

“You really need to be careful next time sweetie, especially when it just rained outside, the grass gets really muddy and slippery. So just be careful next time ok?” The nurse explained.

The nurse then left you and Jaehyun alone, while she went to go take a call.

“You didn’t need to take me, I could’ve gone by myself.”

“I just wanted to make sure you’re ok, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothings wrong with that, besides don’t you have to do something with Rochelle later?”

“I don’t know about that, I just want to make sure you’re ok and you get home safe,”

“I don’t understand why you’re being so persistent about it.”

“I just saw someone I care about a lot almost fall face first on the ground.”

“YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME!”

The room fell silent.

“What do you mean? Of course I care about you.”

“You don’t care about me the way I care about you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what, never mind.”

You got up starting to walk out of the nurses office to go home when Jaehyun stopped you by pulling your arm.

“Do you want me to walk you home?”

“No.”

“Do you need someone to walk you home?”

“No.”

“Are you going to walk with someone home?”

“No.”

“Great, then I’ll walk home with you.”

“Wh- oh, you suck.”

Jaehyun laughed as you looked defeated but still mad. You had a cute little pout when you were angry and Jaehyun adored that about you. How your eyebrows would get all furrowed and your ears would turn red, it was the cutest thing to him.

The whole walk back home you gave Jaehyun one word or even no answers when he tried talking to you. All you could think about was Rochelle, and how they’re going to be dating, doing cute couple things you didn’t want to imagine. When he got to your house he was about to speak but you bolted for the door before he blocked you from opening it.

“Wait! Did you really mean what you said in the nurses office?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you mean by saying that I didn’t care about you?”

“I told you Jaehyun it was nothing, I was just frustrated I got hurt now move.”

“I’m not going to move until you tell me the real reason.”

You debated whether I’d be worth it to tell Jaehyun, I mean he already has a Valentine, you should rip off the bandaid to help yourself get over it. You took one big breath and stared into his brown doe eyes,

“I like you Jaehyun, like an I love you type of like.”

Jaehyun smirked, you were puzzled.

“Finally.”

You were beyond confused at this point, what did he mean by finally? Then it connected in your brain,

“You jerk! You knew the whole time?!” You started to hit his shoulders and kick his legs.

“How did you know?”

Jaehyun pulled out the letter you were supposed to give him for Valentine’s day. Your face dropped.

“I thought- I- give it back!”

You started to reach for it but Jaehyun held it above your head and you began jumping and climbing Jaehyun for it.

“I’m sorry you had to read that, just forget it!”

“Forget it? But I haven’t even given my answer yet.”

You froze while holding onto Jaehyun, slowly climbing down and walking to face him.

“So?”

“I like you too, in a I love you type of like, stupid.”

Your eyes widened, you didn’t know what to say.

“But what about Rochelle?”

“When looking back at it Rochelle was kind of like puppy love, I didn’t really know her I just had a crush on her. But after the time I’ve spent with you, I realized that this is the kind of love I want. That a crazy, silly, clumsy, girl that would climb me for a letter is what I really love.”

You were stunned, you didn’t know what to say, so you just hugged Jaehyun, he kissed the top of your head.

“I love you.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct imagine #nct fluff #nct angst #nct imagines #nct jaehyun fluff #nct jaehyun #nct yoonoh #nct jaehyun imagine #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun angst #nct jaehyun scenario #nct jaehyun scenarios #nct jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct request #nct requests #nct timestamp #nct timestamps

[doeilovr]

《ALREADY GONE》

-> Jaehyun x Reader, Angst, ~ 370 words, no warnings

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

"Talk to me", you whispered, standing across from your boyfriend Jaehyun, in the middle of the street in front of a restaurant.

It was your idea. You had suggested to go out for dinner, despite Jaehyun being very absentminded lately. And he had agreed, so you thought everything was gonna be okay.

But you didn't even make it into the restaurant. Instead you stood on an empty street, arms linked and the only light coming from the surrounding street lamps.

It took you a while to notice, how absent he really was. Whether it was when you were talking, just hanging out in silence or making love.

"What is there to talk about", he hissed, not even looking at you, but staring at his shoes instead. His jaw was clenched and he hid both his hands in his pockets.

It wasn't long ago when he would be by your side all day long, peppering kisses all over your face, holding you in his arms and looking at you like you were his entire world.

Where did that Jaehyun go?

"Jaehyun!" You called out his name once again, snapping both of you back to reality. "Please say something!"

"I can't bear this anymore, okay!" Jaehyun shouted all of a sudden.

You slowly shook your head, not fully comprehending what was happening.

"I want to break up with you", Jaehyun finally said out loud, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in a while.

It felt like someone had stabbed you and slowly ripped out your heart right there and then.

"It's... over?" You blinked at him.

Jaehyun opened his mouth, but he didn't know what to say. He had thought about this for a while but he never intended to tell you this way.

"Why", you mumbled, a tear prickling in your eye.

Jaehyun looked away from you, he couldn't bear seeing you this heartbroken.

"I don't love you anymore."

At last he grabbed your warm fingers, gently removing them from his arm. He stepped back, turning around completely as he made his way down the road.

"Jaehyun", you whispered again, turning around only to find what you thought was the love of your life, already gone.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

a/n: short but angsty, I hope you enjoy this little Jaehyun blurb :3 let me know what you think! <3

taglist: @shrutiajit

#nct jaehyun blurb #nct jaehyun angst #nct jaehyun #jung jaehyun x you #jung jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun blurbs #jung jaehyun boyfriend #nct scenarios #nct blurbs #nct angst #nct #nct imagines #nct u #nct 127

[m88n]

[11.42 pm]

“I’m just a really guarded person.” Jaehyun mutters under his breath.

“...I mean, me too.” You respond.

“..Then you get it, don’t you?”

“...I do... But,” You start. “..But then it means that.. Nothing’s going to get.. Adequately exchanged between us.”

“...I mean.... I like silence.”

“....I do, too.”

“..So what’s the problem then?”

“...”

You choose to look at his eyes intently, only to see your own being reflected right back at you. The same pair of eyes that seem to hold the entire universe in them with abandon—as if to desperately conceal the sheer weight of the void endlessly stretching in between the carefully crafted planets and stars haphazardly strewn across the surface, falling flat against the greater dimension of the emptiness held deeper within.

...The kind of pattern you find yourself to be overly familiar with.  

“I just... Don’t want us to have the problem of being detached.... from ourselves, and each other.” You say while looking down, in a quieter voice, not even entirely convinced by the words escaping your mouth.

You do admit that you’d want to establish a connection with him.

....Some kind of connection.

..But is that really what you want from him?

More importantly,

...Is he really what you want?

He stays quiet, looking at you in a blank stare, before capturing your lips in his, once again in the countless times that you have tonight.

“—Wait—Jaehyun,” You stop him, a little too softly, your palms gently resting against his chest.

He moves away to take a good look at you, waiting for you to continue.

You look back at him... Waiting for yourself to continue.

You try to look for something within his eyes—anything. You were hoping that he’d hold the answers to the all-encompassing void you possess within your own depths, only for him to mirror with the same. The lack of substance you feel falls a little too comfortably upon your bones—it almost outright scares you.

Sensing your hesitation, he opens his mouth, only for nothing to come out for a brief second.

“..I... People just say that I’m an enigma,” He finally manages to say.

You scoff at him—both at the utter ridiculousness and, surprisingly, striking accuracy in the choice of word.

“.....I’m the exact same.”

“....Then, you get it, don’t you?” He responds, almost in disbelief.

“Yeah, yeah I do. I empathize.”

....You simply say, but it does nothing to your exchange but further imbue it with an off-putting undertone that’s permeated throughout the time you’ve spent in his presence.

Perhaps it’s at this very moment that you’ve finally realized—that you were looking for someone to bring some sort of comprehension—to put a name; any kind of label—onto the essence of your being, because you yourself have always had the difficulty, or perhaps, great reluctance, of doing exactly that. And looking outwards for some semblance of an answer has always been less frightening than facing whatever it is that’s always laid inside of you, a realm far too precious and untouched. Both you and Jaehyun are too accustomed to the desire of maintaining the greed for the void you so ironically desperately wish to leave behind and fill with something else—leaving nothing for each other behind in a complete stalemate of a conundrum. But you suppose sometimes such conundrums leave you with the very answer you sought out for in a crooked, roundabout way—as in one way or another that’s how one learns what’s truly needed in the grand scope of relationships.

#jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun blurbs #jaehyun fanfic #nct fanfic #nct imagines #jaehyun timestamps #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun blurb #nct angst #nct smut #nct #nct 127 #jung jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #jung yoonoh #timestamps angst #jaehyun timestamps angst #jaehyun scenarios #nct jaehyun angst #nct jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun smut #jaehyun timestamps smut

[catboyieejeno]

random texts with bf! jaehyun

cw: sexual/suggestive, one suic!de joke

🫧

#nct imagines #nct fluff #nct x reader #nct fanfic #nct #nct reactions #nct moodboard #nct 127 #nct dream #nct smut #nct u #nct drabbles #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun angst #jaehyun x you #jung jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #nct scenarios #nct jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jung yunoh #nct texts #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 fluff

[jnnul]

ric flair drip

a/n: oh my god. it's finished. i've finally written all of her. i genuinely don't know how to explain the relief i feel right now. it feels strange writing this after writing and healing myself through writing this. i hope that anyone in college who's feeling the way y/n or jaehyun did knows that you can and will grow from it. heartbreak is inevitable and so is growth. quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 20k

tags: college au!, frat boy!jaehyun x girlboss!y/n, honestly it just a dissertation about modern love and how people nowadays love each other, there's a lot of soul searching in this one, i poured my heart and soul into this please love her the way i do warnings: mentions of sex, underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also explicit mentions of oral sex, uhhh foreplay and sex

HONESTLY, NOTHING ABOUT JUNG JAEHYUN IS REMOTELY APPEALING TO YOU. you hate the perfect boy act he puts on, you hate his need to impress everyone and everything, and you really fucking hated his dick.

because if it wasn't for his dick, which you were sure is just as perfect as the rest of his stupid self, you wouldn't be awake at inhumane hours, listening to your friend recount their sexcapades.

"oh my god, and then he did this thing with his tongue and i swear, i'm literally never going to be able to have oral again. he's fucking ruined me. i'm genuinely going to just make every guy i fuck put a jaehyun mask on from now onwards just to recreate it," sia yoo, unfortunately one of your best friends, quips dreamily. she yelps when roseanne park, your roommate and singular other voice of reason, throws a pillow at her.

"you sound like a fucking psycho. as in needs to be checked to a mental facility psycho. as in if i hadn't heard worse when you got with johnny suh, i'd be calling the cops right now psycho," roseanne says and easily ducks when sia winds up to throw the pillow back at her. fatima khan, sia's roommate and mother friend extraordinaire, pouts sympathetically with sia as the two of them turn to you as if you would fall on their side.

"sia, baby, honey, love and light of my life - i'm really sorry but i'm with rosie on this one," you say and sia puts on the most theatrical frown you she possibly could before she cocks her head curiously.

"rosie's got a reason for judging jaehyun since she doesn't even like men all that much. what's your excuse, y/n? you like men, judging by the way you were getting railed to next week by that freshie park seonghwa. you've never gotten dicked down by jaehyun."

you're half-tempted so tell sia that it's not fucking weird that you got with seonghwa, considering the fact that you're only a sophomore yourself but you're even more tempted to remind her that even though you were no stranger to a good time, you never recount your stories.

in fact, the only reason why the other three (well, you suppose rosie would know regardless given that you literally live with her) know about your sex life is because you choose to tell them whenever you felt like it. and usually, it was more than three days after the encounter.

you loved your friends, you really did - and sia was notorious for getting into one night stand rehash sessions at ungodly hours, so this was nothing new - but for some reason, every time jaehyun's name came up in the conversation, your skin would prickle with irritation.

maybe it was the fact that every single person around you seemed to be infatuated with him. or the fact that he was just so effortlessly good at capturing the attention of everyone in the room, no matter where he was.

or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you knew that if you looked too closely into the deep end, you'd fall right in with no life jacket. and jaehyun was an endless ocean.

+++

maybe you had given jaehyun too much credit, you lament. maybe jung jaehyun's as deep as a fucking kiddie pool. you know you're wrong because you were in the same english literature class and the man had been published because the professor liked his prose so much, she had submitted it to a literary journal.

and they had accepted it.

but as you stare at him across the lecture hall, burning holes into the poor guy's skull, you sure think he's stupid. because there was no way in fresh hell that jung jaehyun was in an introduction to east asia class. as a south korean.

people begin settling into their seats as you mull over the possibility that jaehyun had fucked so much, his brain had fallen out through his dick. from the stories of his more than above average size, it was definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

just as you're send a very judgmental text to fatima, who was supposed to be taking the class with you but had had to switch last minute when one of her major required classes opened up, jaehyun gets out of his seat to stand at the front of the room, next to the professor.

you realize belatedly that the people jaehyun had been so animatedly speaking to were none other than bambam and ten - two people who most definitely were in this class. and of course, they had chosen this class over all the others because oh my god, jung jaehyun is the uta for this class.

in hindsight, it makes sense, given that jaehyun is a east asian studies minor and a stellar fucking student. but it doesn't make the text you were about to send fatima any less humiliating as you realize your attempts to undermine his character were desperately failing. you try to backtrack on your phone, deleting the winding paragraph you were about to send her when your thumb slips, accidentally sending a half written message.

you: jaehyun is fucking

you're sure the statement will be true within the next couple hours (the jung bed at the nct frat never seemed to stay empty for too long - and that was just from orientation week last week) but it felt almost blasphemous that you would send a text so crude to your friend when you insisted that you couldn't stand his guts.

or what lay between them, really.

three gray dots appear on your screen as you half-heartedly listen to your professor drone on about how he went to china, became a changed man, and now taught about the wonders of east asia and its exoticism. his name was paul but the class could refer to him by his 'enlightened name' - lao ma. even jaehyun rolls his eyes behind the professor's back as all of the asian kids in the classroom begin to eye each other warily.

if this class wasn't so easy, you're sure the population would've shrunk to a quarter its size based on the weirdness of the professor on its own. or maybe not, if it meant that people got to stare at jaehyun's gorgeous face for an hour and a half every monday morning.

mommy tima 🤍: honey, i think whatever sia's got going is contagious. mommy tima 🤍: aren't you the one who hates him? mommy tima 🤍: he really lives in your mind rent free, huh.

you scoff under your breath as you type furiously, vaguely registering that you definitely need to check the syllabus for this class later because you have not been listening to a word the professor has said this whole time.

you: first sia's got cooties or a raging std that's what she's got going you: second he's my fucking uta you: as in i am going to be forced to see his face for an entire semester mommy tima 🤍: drop the class then, babe. you: can't this is too good for my gpa & the prof's a freak you: it's a gpa cushion and a circus in one go

you tuck your phone away when you see that jaehyun is coming up the aisle on your side with a packet while the professor is on the other aisle on the other side with the same packet to hand out. jaehyun probably wouldn't care that you had your phone out during lecture (syllabus week was just an excuse for college kids to get drunk during school days anyway) but it was the principle of the thing.

"here you go - oh, it's stuck together," jaehyun says as he stops at where you're sitting. his tongue slips out as he thumbs at the packet to give you one instead of three and suddenly, your treacherous brain takes you back to sia's rambling the night before.

and then he did this thing with his tongue...

you're shaken back to reality when you realize that you're staring at a blank wall, with a pink packet in front of you, and jaehyun has already reached the back of the classroom.

fuck. shit. bitch.

jaehyun had seen you stare at his stupidly handsome face and then some. he was your ta. oh my god, what if he docked points on some test because he thought you were the creepy stalker type.

damn you, sia yoo, you curse in your head.

+++

"damn you, sia yoo!" you yell over the blaring music that's so loud, you can feel the vibrations in your skull. there absolutely no reason you should be caught dead in a frat on the friday of syllabus week but sia had made it her mission to make sure you had a going out rate of at least 80% this school year, given that you were prone to trying to skip out on weekends out last year.

not that you didn't like going out - you actually really liked going out with your friends. you just took a little more inertia to get to the energy levels of actually going on.

sia just nods at you lazily as she bounces to the beat of another shitty remix of 'what you came for' by calvin harris and rihanna. you never understood why frats always found the worst remixes of classic party bangers but anything flew after you had enough alcohol in your system so the music would recede to the depths of your mind in a couple cups of whatever the fuck this drink was.

especially since you were a full sunshine drunk; whenever you were drunk, you became the life of the party and would always be found in the center of the room, regardless of the music. sia was a flirty drunk and you really couldn't remember the last time sia actually spent the entire weekend in her own bed. props to her stamina, honestly.

rosie was a mix of you and sia in that she would become so much more bubbly but the second she found someone she wanted to spend the night with, she went after them with no hesitation.

fatima usually played the role of sober mommy when you all went out. although she was never one to miss out on a good time, when she did get drunk, she much preferred it to be within the confines of the four walls that she shared with her roommate and the people she trusted the most - you, rosie, and sia.

which is why when rosie abandons you for her on again, off again fuck buddy (miyeon cho) and her fuck buddy (yugyeom kim), you're not surprised at all.

"that's going to be an interesting story in the morning," you say, nodding to where rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom are all heading upstairs together. fatima nudges you to look at sia, where she's pressed up against none other than johnny suh (or the love of her life, prior to jaehyun, apparently).

"that's going to be an interesting story in the afternoon," fatima counters. you turn to her with furrowed eyebrows, as if to question the timing. "i don't think i've ever heard of a girl leaving johnny's bed before 3 o'clock the next afternoon."

your jaw hangs in shock as you watch your friend wrap her arms around the tall man's neck, whispering something into his ear when he bends down to kiss her collarbone.

"are all of the nct boys secretly porn stars or something? how can they all be that good in bed?" you gape, waving at sia when she turns around to wink at you and fatima as her and johnny are bustling out of the door, undoubtedly to the nct frat house.

"they test us as part of rushing," says a low, velvety voice behind you. a hot rush of shame runs up your spine for two reasons: a) you were able to recognize jung jaehyun just from his voice and b) he heard you gossiping about his frat brothers' sexual prowess.

you exchange a look with fatima before whipping around to meet jaehyun eye to eye. he's wearing a plain black t-shirt and lightwash distressed jeans but he might as well be wearing designer trash bags for all you care. what you do care about, unfortunately, is the almost slutty way his v-neck dips to show off the beginnings of the planes of his chest.

you feel no better than a victorian man and it takes fatima a poorly concealed cough to break you out of your thoughts. fuck, you'd done it again. you really needed to stop getting caught up in jung jaehyun's pretty face. and body. and that stupid smile.

"haha. very funny. sounds like something straight out of a cheesy porno sponsored by viagra or something," you say, rolling your eyes. smooth. very smooth. normally, you like to think that you're proficient in the witty banter department but something about this boy made you almost feel dumb about your comebacks.

jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, and you're distinctly made aware that even with platform sneakers on, jaehyun is a good head taller than you when you have to look upwards to notice the motion. "you seem to be well versed, y/n. you make it a habit to stay up to date?"

you flush at the thinly veiled euphemism at your x-rated movie watching habits before clearing your throat. "i'm more of a fan of practical study, really. i am a scientist, after all."

you're aware that fatima has slipped away from you to talk to another friend, park jeonghwa, and also the fact that you are slowly beginning your descent into drunkenness but you can't seem to bring yourself to find the caution in it all. it's just jaehyun, after all.

jaehyun hums, bringing the solo cup in his hand to his lips to take a swig. "you're a biomedical engineering major, aren't you?"

you balk at that. "wait, wait. you know my name and my major?"

jaehyun nods slowly, seemingly stumbling for a moment before he gains his self-confidence once more. "you don't know mine?"

"you're literally my ta. i know you're an east asian studies minor and your name because you told the class," you say, recovering quickly. it was a really good thing you were a quick thinker because you were lying through your teeth.

you knew jaehyun's name, minor, and even major (computer science) because of his notorious reputation, not because he was your ta. but the last thing you wanted was to give him the satisfaction of asserting his popularity on campus.

"anyway. what was that you were saying about 'practical study'?" jaehyun's eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of the cramped basement you were in and you had a feeling that if you were any more inebriated, you'd be diving headfirst into jung jaehyun's bed as long as he looked at you like that.

but fortunately (unfortunately?) you're sober enough to make mostly intelligent decisions - which just means that you're not going to jump headfirst. maybe feet first but not headfirst.

"wouldn't you like to know," you sing-song, leaning into jaehyun's body enough to smell the mix of woody pine, fresh water, and vodka that seems to emanate from him. jaehyun watches you as you lean over him to grab another solo cup from the assortment that some lower ranked frat brother had been forced into bartending.

you down the entire drink in two swigs, patting away the stray stream of alcohol that had dripped down onto your chest. you don't notice the way jaehyun's eyes follow your hand down its descent to your chest. but you finally feel like your element, and in a moment of sheer idiocy and liquid courage, you enter the growing throng of bodies behind you, beckoning jaehyun to follow you.

you're not 100% sure what you want from him, honestly. you want to have a good time, and you're sure you'll have one with or without him. but something about the way jaehyun follows you like a puppy into the mess of people makes you feel like a zap of electricity has hit your body.

and if you're being completely honest with yourself (as you usually only are with ethanol in your system), you really didn't hate jaehyun. you had no qualms with him as a person, even if you hated the consequences that came with a night with him.

it's when you're in the middle of the crowd, with jaehyun looking at you with those hooded eyes and hands tucked into his pockets when you realize what you want from jaehyun jung.

you want him to desire you the way that his mere presence makes people desire him.

so you do what you do best and just let go. it's ric flair drip by metro boomin that's playing - a song that's definitely not the one to get down to. but the bass fills you up in a way that never hits the same outside of a sweaty frat basement so you can't even bring yourself to care.

"i'm tryna fuck you and your bestie," you sing along with the near hundred people surrounding you. jaehyun is still looking at you with an eyebrow sitting higher and an appraising expression; something that somehow manages to get under your skin.

in a moment of passion, you manage to hook your fingers into one of jaehyun's belt loops, pulling him closer to you. you're aware that you've painted yourself to be jaehyun's next conquest if the way that the girls next to you look upset means anything, but you couldn't care less.

especially when you're this close to the bane of your existence. the song switches to something a little more what you need (under the influence by chris brown) and you look up at jaehyun through your lashes and in that moment, jaehyun knows what you're offering him through your gaze.

a challenge.

+++

jaehyun never really meant to take on the role of nct's resident whore. in fact, jaehyun had been planning on doing the exact opposite when he came to college.

although it was unbelievable now, jaehyun jung had originally just been a very strange, nerdy, and sweet boy. he never got up to much trouble, kept to himself most of the time, and was known for...nothing, really. he was sweet and bubbly but he wasn't exactly running with the popular crowd.

in fact, jaehyun was kinda forgotten all throughout his schooling. it was easy to forget about jaehyun, as though he were some visage in a dream that everyone shared.

it hurt.

so when jaehyun finally hit his growth spurt in senior year, started going to the gym, and his voice no longer cracked every other sentence, he felt like a whole new person. like he was finally the main character in his own life.

it felt so fucking good to look at the same girls who had smiled at him pitifully and have them melting under a single wink. the summer between high school and college had been wild, with more stories than jaehyun could really even care to keep track of.

but when college began, jaehyun was fully intending to return to flying under the radar with his new upgrade in personality, appearance, and wardrobe. with a face like his, however, doing so was about as easy as trying to pass professor yoon's intro to bio class - nearly impossible.

slowly but surely, jaehyun morphed back into the personality he had adopted that summer and surprisingly, it wasn't as foreign as he thought. he was still a good student and wasn't a stranger to having to skip out on hanging out with his friends to study.

but having a new girl in his bed every other day? that was definitely new. a new revelation, but a welcome one nonetheless.

and in that, jaehyun was used to people using all sorts of tactics to get with him. playing hard to get, with coy smiles and flirtatious winks. or the bold ones, who told him straight up that they wanted to spend the night with him. even the downright horrifying ones who tried to pretend like they were blackout drunk in hopes that that would 'attract' him. spoiler alert? it didn't.

jaehyun originally thought you were of the 'hard to get' caliber. the type of girl to say that she wasn't like other girls and that's why he should get with her instead. so initially, when he approached you at the party after seeing you in his class, he was mentally preparing himself for the whole pick me speech.

but it was something about the way you looked at him.

it was like two halves of your mind were battling against each other. on one hand, you looked like you wanted to fax jaehyun straight into the fiery pits of hell with high speed shipping. on the other, it also seemed like you wanted nothing more than to ride him until the sun came up. mixed with a little bit of curiosity, confusion, and downright anger with yourself for all the emotions, you looked like the perfect cocktail of firebrand that jaehyun couldn't help but become intrigued by.

so when you were laughingly talking to your best friend (jaehyun's frat brother kun was half in love with fatima, which meant that jaehyun was more than well acquainted with her) about him and frat brothers, he took it to be the opportunity he needed.

and when you're looking at him like this, daring him to make a move, almost as if to make your mind fall one way or another about drawing a conclusion on him, what is jaehyun to do but to make good on the challenge you've offered?

he watches you for a moment more, trying to commit the memory of what you look like when you're this carefree and happy, before taking the micro-step it takes to get so close he can smell the citrus and apple cider that you seem to always smell like.

"i promise you i can fuck you better than johnny," jaehyun says, a corner of his lips tilted up as your eyes flutter the closer he draws.

"johnny's your 'bestie'?" you say, and jaehyun can tell that the last threads of your resolve are starting to snap by the way that your hand is now pressed against his chest.

"that's what you're curious about right now? the dynamics of the nct frat brothers?" jaehyun asks but he knows that this back and forth is exactly you need right now; the time to decide if you can take the plunge. or if jaehyun's worth your time tonight.

"as i mentioned, i'm a scientist," you say, and even as your voice stays stable, your fingers seem to leave burning trails against jaehyun's skin as they dip and feed into crevices of jaehyun's body that he didn't even know existed.

"hmm," jaehyun manages to eke out when your fingers lace into his hair. he's not sure how you manage to find every single sensitive spot he has but he's fairly impressed by the way you catch his breath hitching as you work your other hand up as well.

"hmm? cat got your tongue, jaehyun?" you say, making sure that jaehyun looks straight into your eyes as you lean impossibly closer. "you know that sia's with johnny right now, right? girls talk - especially with your best friends. which means that if you can't make good on your promise, i will find out."

jaehyun feels like he's sweating like a pig but thankfully, you don't notice, too busy making him sweat. he clears his throat once, and then twice to make sure that his voice doesn't give out.

"that right?" he says, and you roll your eyes, letting go of him and stepping back. you seem to appraise him for a moment (and jaehyun is unnaturally nervous about what you will decide) before grabbing his hand and leading him to the door. you only pause to flag down fatima, who takes one look at your intertwined hands, and waves the two of you away.

jaehyun blushes like a schoolgirl at the way fatima flashes him a catty smile.

"i swear to god, jaehyun, if you're all talk and no game - or if you're gonna sit still and look pretty the whole time - i will literally blue ball you. i don't do pillow princes," you throw over your shoulder as the two of you make your way to the nct frat. jaehyun knows for a fact that the nct frat will not be a quiet place tonight by the number of dresses and pants he sees in the foyer and leading the way up the stairs.

he says nothing, even as you're quite nearly storming up the stairs with a certain level of urgency, almost as though if you were to slow down and think about just exactly what you're doing, you'd turn around and leave right now.

jaehyun definitely can't let that happen.

so the second that he gets you into his bedroom (he had to rock, paper, scissors with doyoung to get the room tonight), he shuts the door and locks it behind him. he turns around to see you looking between the two beds, as if trying to guess which one was jaehyun's.

he mentally pats himself on the back when he sees the fresh sheets on the bed. reaching where you stand in less than a stride, jaehyun turns you so that you're facing his bed, and you squirm to turn to meet his eyes even as his hands are on your waist.

"what is with your hands?" you ask harshly and jaehyun blinks as he looks down.

"what do you mean? they're on your waist," jaehyun says softly, and once again, he's hit with a wave of citrus and apple cider. you simper at him, grabbing his wrist and moving it incriminatingly downwards.

"what am i? a virgin? put them somewhere useful." you whisper the last part and it's as though jaehyun has just woken up.

"you know," jaehyun begins, sliding his other hand downwards to sit comfortably on the curve of your ass. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were trying to rile me up. i wonder..."

he doesn't finish his thought, instead pulling you close so that your hips are pressed against his. he can hear the gasp that you're desperately trying to conceal, coughing uselessly to the side. a devilish smirk grows on jaehyun's lips and for the first time in a long time, you're sure you're going to be up all night.

+++

you were, in fact, trying to rile him up. you had heard all the rumors about jaehyun and johnny, about how one night with them was like one night in heaven. hell, you'd had first hand accounts from sia yoo about exactly what it's like to be in bed with either of them - multiple times.

so when jaehyun had fronted with such a cautious attitude when he realized what you wanted, you were almost offended. if you wanted to take control and fuck a man's brains out, you could do that with anyone. why would you fight against your own mind this much to get with him?

but seonghwa park. changkyun im. even kun qian, before you discovered he was head over heels for fatima. jung jaehyun.

these were all people who put you in your place. the way you wanted to be. it just seemed as though jaehyun might've needed a little more persuasion to get there.

so yes, you were riling him up. was that such a crime?

by the way jaehyun's looking at you right now, his breath hot and heavy on your neck and his eyes dark with a feeling that you can't describe but resonates with you on a deeper, more primal level.

"you know, after you got with kun, he wouldn't shut up about it for a week," jaehyun says, pressing kisses down your neck, pausing when he reaches your breastbone. he eyes your corset top with a discerning eye before reaching behind you to pull the lace strings that were precariously holding your top for a week.

"yeah?" you ask, threading your fingers through jaehyun's thick hair as he makes quick work of your top, leaving it pooled on the floor as his lips find your chest as though he couldn't be physically parted from it.

"yeah. even after he met fatima, he said that you were the best he's ever had - that's a big reputation to live up to when you're in nct," jaehyun says, his voice breathy and deep as he walks you backwards so that the back of your knees hit the frame of his bed.

"hmm. what can i say? i know what i want and what i want is usually lots of fun," you say, letting jaehyun unzip your jeans, pulling them down and kicking them off when jaehyun moves too slowly.

"i know. god, after knowing that you and kun were going at it, i swear everyone was jerking off in their room for an hour. even winwin wanted to go for you today. you're an unpredictable woman; no one knows where and when you're going to show up to one of the parties so everyone has to take their chances when they get them," jaehyun says, tugging his shirt off and throwing it somewhere behind him carelessly.

you nearly melt when you see jaehyun's uncovered top, eyeing each and every hard ridge of his body, reaching out to touch him. his chest is almost soothingly warm as your fingers memorize each and every aspect of the planes of his chest, almost worried that they might disappear if you let go.

jaehyun looks at you amusingly as he lets your fingers dance across his body, focusing on tugging your panties off to discard them where he's sure he's going to have to search for them later on.

you pout when you see the difference in clothing but jaehyun just gently pushes you backwards so that your back is against his bed, leaving your pussy exposed in away that makes you feel absolutely mortified. you move to gain some level of privacy back but jaehyun is too fast, gripping onto your thighs incriminatingly as he raises an eyebrow.

"don't think that i'm soft just because i'm being nice to you now, pretty girl. i know you don't like to listen but don't hide from me. i will not let you have any fun if you try to hide from me," jaehyun says, his voice dropping a full octave. you suppress the shiver that runs through your body (and that simultaneously delights jaehyun) as you nod softly.

he seems satisfied by the way your body melts and rewards you for your submission by licking a wet strip up your pussy, one hand snaking up to touch your nipple while the other one keeps your thighs open.

jaehyun is slow at first, exploring each and every hidden crevice of your body but as he feels you get wetter and wetter, he can't seem to stay soft for too long. he continues to press his lips against yours but the moment you try to grind your hips against his lips, he pulls away, his tongue darting out to taste your essence on him.

you almost whine at the loss of his hot mouth on your pussy, and you're embarrassed to realize that in front of jaehyun jung, you are no better than your best friend in falling in love with the way he moves.

"you're not going to cum from my tongue, baby," jaehyun says, practically ripping the belt out from where it was caging his jeans. "especially when i know that your pussy is magic."

"you say that, jaehyun, but you're being so fucking soft. if i didn't know any better, i'd think you're in love with me," you snort, trying to catch your breath. jaehyun freezes from where his boxers are hanging so low on his hips, you can see the muscles in his pelvis tense angrily as he looks at you dangerously.

"my fucking bad for making sure you're wet enough to take me," jaehyun whispers, pulling close to you. his eyes turn even darker than usual and a small spark of excitement ignites in your chest when you realize that you've finally reached it - jaehyun's breaking point.

"sounds like you're scared, jaehyun. you know what? you know why kun was so good? because he wasn't scared. he wasn't scared to fuck me like he was trying to break the bed," you retort, and saying kun's name is when jaehyun finally snaps. he tears his boxers off as he pushes you so that you're further up on his bed.

"y/n, i'm not fucking joking around. if you want me to stop, say it now. just say the word, and i'll pretend like this never happened. because i swear to every god in existence, if you let me, i'll ruin every other man for you," jaehyun says and his knuckles turn white from how hard his clenching his fingers to keep himself from pouncing. the thought is almost cute if you weren't desperate to be fucked into next week.

"if i wanted you to stop, i wouldn't have said kun's name, would i?"

that's all it takes. no sooner do the words leave your mouth, jaehyun's on top of you, every inch of his body fighting to claim yours. he's not sure what it is about being with a bratty girl but every time a girl tries to challenge him, jaehyun can feel his excitement grow as his mind runs wild with ways to prove you wrong.

and with a girl as beautiful and sexy as you? he was going to have the time of his life.

time of his life he does.

+++

when jaehyun wakes up, he's almost happy. almost because he has bruises on his hips from how hard he had pounded into you, a litter of hickeys across his chest, and freshly washed hair from when you had enticed him into taking a shower with you.

inevitably, it led to another hour in the shower that jaehyun had spent having his soul sucked out from his dick, eating you out under the shower, and seeing you cum twice just from his tongue.

if only he had woken up with you still in his bed, jaehyun would've actually been happy.

realistically, jaehyun had no clue what he was expecting. after taking a shower, it had taken you a total of five minutes to fall asleep in his arms, wearing nothing but jaehyun's oversized t-shirt and your panties.

there was no pillowtalk, no heart to hearts, nothing. no discussions of having whatever happened last night happening again. no trying to get to know each other better.

not that you had ever been obligated to do so. if anything, jaehyun was far more obligated to do so, after practically declaring that he had wanted to get with you since last semester - which he had been completely serious about.

but with his reputation, regardless of what he had said last night, jaehyun's almost 100% sure that you would've disappeared by the morning.

he's so caught up in his thoughts that he almost misses the bright pink post-it note on his neatly folded shirt on his desk in the corner of the room.

9.5/10. if you see sia, tell her she was right about your tongue. see you in intro to east asia on monday.

jaehyun's half disappointed and half happy. disappointed because you'd never left your number or anything and happy because at least he knew that you weren't going to completely avoid him whenever you ran into each other next.

he shakes his head as he folds the post-it note and throws it in the trash can next to his desk.

jaehyun jung may not have started college with the intention of becoming the resident fuckboy but he still had a reputation to maintain. he had fucked countless women over his time at sm university and he had no intention of falling for any of them.

he was not about to get soft-hearted or soft-dicked by a girl he was with once.

even if she was really good in bed. like really really good. like good enough to make him think about the other boys she's been with and if they'd made you feel as good as he did.

fuck. her. which jaehyun had already done. which meant that he needed to move onto the next step of the day before his head exploded with all of the implications flying around in his mind about their relation to each other (nonexistent) and if you were thinking about him like he was thinking of you (you weren't).

he pads out of his room, passing doyoung on the way out, who claps him on the back and says, "you finally got with y/n?" jaehyun doesn't know how doyoung knows but it strikes him that neither of you are very subtle people and you had caused quite the scene leaving with him last night.

similar reactions are offered to him by everyone he passes. he's not really sure how many of the boys you've been with but jaehyun can feel his street cred go up by at least a decameter with the way some of these pledges are looking at him.

in fact, everyone is looking at him with a new look of respect in their eyes until he reaches the kitchen, where yoo sia and johnny are sitting, practically eye-fucking.

jaehyun was very used to seeing johnny's friends in the kitchen the next day, neither of them ready to really say goodbye each other yet but for some reason, knowing that sia was your best friend and seeing her with johnny sets jaehyun's stomach into a series of knots that he was sure he was going to have to unravel when he had his head on straight.

"she already left?" sia says, finally breaking her stare from johnny's. jaehyun shrugs, digging around the fridge to see if they had any coffee. they didn't (none that wasn't expired anyway) so he has to settle for a caprisun.

"she had somewhere to be," jaehyun says. he wants to ask sia if it's normal for you to leave that early. it can't be if sia seems surprised that you'd left before the clock struck ten. what did that mean? what does that say about jaehyun? oh god. what if you hated it. what if you hated it so much that you didn't want to spend a second longer with jaehyun.

he cringes as he locks eyes with another shiny eyed pledge (jaehyun thinks his name is jungwoo) and tries to shake his head to clear any and all thoughts of you. he was pussydrunk. that was the only explanation. he just needed to dick down someone else and then he would get over whatever little infatuation thing he had going on.

"really? hmm..." sia says finally. jaehyun turns to see her looking right at him and suddenly, he's transported back to the previous weekend, when sia had been wrapped up in his sheets.

+++

"why did you start fucking around like this?" sia had asked, her chest still heaving from their previous illicit activities as she wraps herself tighter in jaehyun's sheets. jaehyun pauses for a moment as he catches his breath, pulling on his boxers as he thinks. he throws the shirt that sia's grabbing at, still not sure how to piece together his thoughts.

or why he wants to tell sia the truth. maybe it's because no one's ever asked about it before, but jaehyun feels strangely vulnerable as sia watches as he clambers back into his bed, her expression pensive and uncharacteristically wise.

"i don't know," jaehyun says honestly, laying over the covers as he feels his face grow hotter under sia's unrelenting stare. "i think it's because i wanted to know what it felt like. to know what it felt like to be wanted for a night instead of just being in the sidelines as the guy with the potential. just the guy that people brought along as the friend of the hot guys that kept him around."

sia doesn't say anything, instead turning so that she was lying on her back. jaehyun turns to look at her, to see if he could decipher some level of understanding from her silence. really, he knows that he should feel embarrassed about confessing his insecurities to a girl that he's hooked up with two or three times but he can't bring himself to for some reason.

maybe it's because he knows that she wouldn't say anything about it to anyone. or because he knows that she's head over heels for johnny, whether she'd admit it or not. or maybe it's just because for the first time, someone had asked something about jaehyun just to get to know him as a person, rather than trying to get him in their bed.

not that he really minded that - it just made him feel like it was all a lot more transactional than he was used to. he had been a romantic once upon a time. when you grew up with the nickname of 'valentine boy', it would have been stranger if he didn't have some sense of romance.

but jaehyun's penchant for romance disappeared almost just as soon as he realized that no one else was yearning for a pure type of love like he was.

and yet, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. turns out that jaehyun's a very adaptable man. if he wouldn't find love in this decade, then perhaps it would be lust that he would have to settle for.

"then again," he begins, gaze darting over to where sia had slipped on his t-shirt as she tiredly begins to settle down in his bed once more. "isn't that what everyone is doing nowadays? looking for a warm body for the night, instead of a genuine connection?"

sia snorts at that, turning so that she was facing jaehyun now. "don't tell me that you're one of the boomer types. the ones who always go around peacocking about how they were born in the wrong generation and that they're one of the 'good guys'. i might actually leave right now if you are."

"no, no i'm not. well. maybe a little bit. but i don't know why that's so bad to be honest," jaehyun acquiesces finally. sia rolls her eyes, but even she goes quiet for a moment. once again, jaehyun's reminded that this is sia yoo - a girl who routinely wakes up in someone else's sheets every saturday (although it was johnny's more often than not) and as sexist as it was, someone who carried a reputation for it. even jaehyun was surprised to find that she was such a deep conversationalist.

of course, he mentally berates himself soon after but he can't help the thought. for him, sia was just the girl he would get with a couple times. a good time. the fact that that's the only role she fulfilled in his mind made him feel disgusting inside out as he waits for her response, vowing that he would work to change his mindset. or maybe just change personalities altogether. ick.

"you know one of my best friends? y/n? the one who got with kun before he decided to go clean for fatima?" sia says with a careful tone. jaehyun nods, not trusting that he wouldn't say something dumb after his sudden realization of his flawed thinking.

"this is something she always says but it's honestly pretty simple: love is however you want to define it. humans spend so much trying to find labels and definitions for things that just might not have or need them. for such an advanced species, we spend so much time concerned about how to put a feeling into a box or how to classify a thought instead of rejoicing in the fact that we had such a beautiful feeling in the first place."

"for people in this generation, the old school love is hard to find because they've got so many other types of love that weren't allowed back when old school love was big. it's a different type of freedom to love someone on the weekends but never to fall in love with them. maybe we're just romanticizing hookup culture but who's to say that we can't? maybe we're all more romantic than we want to admit. maybe when we fall into the sheets with someone we barely know, we're looking for a fragment of love to satiate our heart in ways we didn't know it needed."

jaehyun doesn't know what to say to that so he just pulls her closer to him and she lets him, throwing her leg over his as they fall asleep, closer to each other than they had ever been.

+++

you're not sure what had compelled you to leave so quickly that morning. you usually like to get the boys who sleep with to at least cook you breakfast before you left (for compensation of being terrible in bed, if the situation so called for it) but for some reason, every instinct in your body had pulled you to leave.

you had waken up at nearly 5 in the morning, a mere two and a half hours after the two of you had fallen asleep, gathered your clothes, and were about to leave when you turn to look at jaehyun, still snoring away peacefully, his arm crossing his body to rest on the empty space next to him that you had occupied previously.

you had a feeling that you're going to lament leaving this early after psychoanalyzing why you were leaving so early later in the day but for now, if your gut was telling you to leave, you were going to heed the precautions.

but even as you're about to leave, you find yourself turning to jaehyun's desk, sparse but somehow still a little messy as you rummage for a post-it note and a pen to write with. you grin to yourself when you find yourself successful (and endearing somehow that jaehyun has bright pink post-it notes).

you pass a brother on the way out (undoubtedly a freshman who had received the short stick of the duties tonight) but you wave him off when he offers to walk you home. dangerous? most definitely. but you really needed the time and space to yourself and the short, almost ten minute walk back to your apartment would offer some enlightenment.

spoiler alert: it didn't. no matter how hard you wracked your brain to come up with some version of a logical explanation, you realized that there was just simply no way to do so.

and something about that frustrated you. you knew it wasn't a big deal. jaehyun was just a hook-up. a one night stand. and yet...something wasn't fitting right in your mind. so you start to think in the only way you know how, collecting all of the pieces of information you did have.

a) you just had sex - mind-blowing sex with jaehyun. he was everything you expected and more when it came to a sexual partner. b) you didn't develop feelings for him. sex comes fifth on the list of things you subconsciously (or now consciously, since you've spoken it into existence) have when looking for a potential boyfriend. first comes personality, then intelligence, then ambition, then looks, and then sex. you didn't even have a conversation long enough to figure out if jaehyun had more than three brain cells to piece together. c) jaehyun jung had confessed that he had wanted to get with you since last semester. did he mean with you-r body or with you?

you shake your head as if to physically shake the irrational thoughts in your mind out and press your id against the scanner at the entrance of your apartment building, rubbing your fingers against your temples as you get into the elevator to reach your apartment.

unlocking the door to your (empty) apartment, you decide to shelf the thoughts for some time when your head wasn't pounding and collapse on your bed, thanking the lords you'd had the sense to take a shower at jaehyun's.

and the last thing you remember is the smell of jaehyun's shampoo in your hair as you drift into blissful, dreamless sleep.

+++

you're not surprised to feel a weight on your bed when you wake up the next morning. you blearily open your eyes to make out sia's general figure, rosie and fatima undoubtedly chatting quietly in the kitchen.

you vaguely piece together something about fatima having kun over but him sleeping on the couch and you try to push down the guilt that creeps up into your brain as you realize that you had left fatima alone at the party. a party where all of you knew a lot of people (and the outcome was just as everyone had thought it would be) but the principle of the matter stung nonetheless.

you push aside the thought - along with the idea that you should probably apologize to fatima when the cottony feeling in your mouth started to subside - in favor of looking at sia, who is strangely quiet as she watches you gather yourself. for her boisterous personality, sia yoo could see through anyone to the extent of theorized telepathy so you don't even bother trying to hide anything from her.

although, it really is hard to take her seriously when she's got hickey's littered across her neck. well. you suppose you don't look much better at the moment.

"you left before 10 o'clock," sia says simply. you don't pretend to not understand what she means as you nod, pushing yourself up on your bed as fatima and rosie also enter, rosie handing you a glass of water.

"i know," you say softly. "but i want to hear about everyone else's nights right now. i just don't know that i'm in the right headspace to think about why i left so early - i'm not even sure i know why i left so early."

sia says nothing for a moment, watching your face, almost as if she were trying to read your very essence. but she relents, reaching out to hold your hand briefly before completely switching up, speaking animatedly about her very adventurous night, leaving you to simmer in your thoughts.

had sia always been this smart? probably. who's to say that she wasn't, after all?

turns out that sia and johnny were actually going to go on a date on wednesday, after realizing that their chemistry extended further out of the bedroom than either of them had expected. sia was through the roof, obviously, given that she had been thirsting over johnny (although more in a sexual sense than anything else) for so long.

rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom also worked a lot better than any of them had thought so you were sure that you were going to lose your roommate to the other '97 liners more often for the foreseeable future.

fatima was the only one who had a pg night, with kun coming over to her apartment and just chilling together the whole night, eventually having him sleep over since he was too tired to walk back to the apartment that he lived out (it was on the other side of campus, given that he moved out of the nct house pretty late into the semester last year).

"speaking of kun, when are you guys gonna make it official? i mean after this year, you guys are going to only have one year together before you guys graduate," you say, bunching your comforter before letting go. it felt weird saying that. especially in regards to your friends. theoretically, you had all the time in the world together.

but all the time in the world wasn't enough when it came to these girls.

fatima sighs before getting up, wringing her hands together as she thinks. "i don't know. i mean kun's graduating a year early so i really only have this year left. i - i know how much he likes me. i know that he wants to do this right way. go the whole nine yards."

"but...?" rosie says, elongating the syllables as you and sia look at her patiently. fatima shakes her head, getting up to walk around the room, six paces enough to take her from one side of your room to the other.

"i just don't know. kun's great and honestly, i really think that's the one. or at least one of the ones for me. but i just don't know if my parents would be okay with it. i mean my parents are great! they give me so much freedom and honestly, i'm really thankful that my parents allowed me to find religious and spiritual freedom on my own, without ever trying to shove it down my throat."

"but at the same time...how can i betray their trust in me by dating someone who is so far from my religion? like. kun is a great guy but he's not muslim. and sure, i don't follow a lot of the stricter things in islam but i - i have god in my heart. and i don't know that god would want me to start a family that doesn't follow islam. especially since i can see that in my future with kun and kun - i don't know that i could ask kun to convert to another religion for me."

the room is silent for a little bit after fatima finishes, with her collapsing in your bed next to you. rosie and sia exchange a look with each other, and then you, as they both decide to leave the room, leaving you to console fatima.

you were always the most philosophical one out of the bunch anyway.

"look, fatima, i can't pretend to know what it's like to have that kind of mental burden and i really can't understand what it's like to think about the future and be concerned about the impact on the world you might create. i read about something the other day though - did you know that kun means 'manifesting' or 'believing' in arabic?" fatima looks at you with disbelief written all over her face, shaking her head.

"how did you know that?" she asks and you just shrug, nodding at the 'islam for dummies' book you had bought in hopes of understanding a little bit more about one of your closest friend's religion.

"that's not the point. but fatima, you are the single kindest, most beautiful person i know. and i have faith that you will choose what's right for you, not what's right for the people around you because you know better than everyone that the only person who can judge you is god. and no one - no one - on this earth has the right to take that peace away from you."

fatima is silent before wrapping you in her arms, the soft material of her hoodie comforting you and lulling you back into a sleep that's dreamless and calm.

+++

jaehyun doesn't know what to expect when he walks into intro to east asia on monday. should he say hi? wave? start a conversation? should he acknowledge that he spent the better part of his weekend wondering if he would lose his fuckboy status if someone realized just how down bad he was for you?

probably anything but the last one was a good idea.

jaehyun was not in a good state of mind. he was a hot 19 year old man with a near perfect gpa (a whopping 3.98 only because he got a singular a-), a not so terrible set of dimples, and a killer body. and yet he was walking around like how he had been prior to his enlightening summer.

it's almost freeing but also humiliating to think that one night in bed was enough to make him start an entire philosophy but that was where jaehyun was at so who was he to question anything, really?

in fact, jaehyun is so caught up in what he would name his new branch of philosophy (loserism, with a lot of inspiration from zeno) that he doesn't even realize that you've already walked past him and taken your seat.

third row, first seat. you're putting your bag down next to your chair, pulling out your laptop, tossing your hair over your shoulder when it falls in your face. jaehyun tears his eyes away, knowing that this was not a good look for him.

if jaehyun really wanted to pursue you, which he was sure was where all of his jumbled emotions were eventually going to lead him anyway, he knew for a fact that you weren't going to be interested in having to take the lead. especially if jaehyun wasn't even sure that you were interested in the possibility.

but that's a struggle for another day. what was it that stephanie laurens said? that all women want sometimes is a little old-fashioned loving?

that was, in fact, the opposite of what sia had said you were really into but jaehyun had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn't mind handing the reigns over in the decision making process portion of a relationship, or the courtship, if your time together this weekend alluded to anything.

jaehyun almost misses the beginning of the lecture, where professor ma (no one actually calls him that besides himself) was going into some of his favorite places to stay during his time in china. and while missing any portion of professor ma's lecture was of no crime, he also almost misses the way that you're looking straight at him, faking a yawn when jaehyun finally locks eyes with you.

professor ma was known for giving stellar recommendation letters (which was why johnny had coerced jaehyun into ta'ing for his class in the first place) but he was such a pain in the ass.

jaehyun has to keep from laughing out loud when he sees your exaggerated gestures to show how boring you were finding the professor's lecture to be, pulling himself together in time for him to finally be able to take a seat in the back of the classroom, professor ma having asked him to take attendance for the some two hundred students in the classroom. by hand.

he almost drops the piece of paper that you slide into his hand, subtly slipping it into the pocket of his basketball shorts as makes his way up the flight of stairs to the tenth row, dropping his backpack on the floor next to him, in a rush to open the delicate piece of paper in his hands.

there's only three words on the piece of paper and a series of dashes and yet jaehyun knows that this is all he needs. this is all the signal he needs to know that he wasn't imagining the chemistry or the tension between the two of you. and fuck what anyone said about his 'reputation'; it was jaehyun's turn - the old jaehyun's turn - to get the chance to experience the relationship he had always been dreaming of.

he rereads the little piece of paper before smiling and tucking it into his pocket again.

earn the rest. 9__-___-____.

+++

johnny suh is getting whiplash from his best friend's actions.

one day, he's asking sia yoo if her best friend usually leaves her one night stands by the time they wake up. then he's throwing said one night stand's notes into the trash can before leaving for some frat meeting or another.

the next day, he's carrying another note from the same one night stand he can't seem to get out of his head.

jaehyun doesn't tell johnny anything. he really doesn't need to at this point. johnny suh is a senior in college and he's pretty much seen it all. he's also the vice president of a frat - which means that even if he didn't have all the experience that he did just because of his seniority, he definitely seen it because of the sheer number of stupid decisions frat brothers will find themselves making when they think they're going to either a) get drunk b) get high c) get their dick wet.

johnny knows it's all in good fun (fun that he's definitely not opposed to) but jaehyun's always been a little bit of an enigma when it came to all of it. he was good at the drinking and alright at the getting high and absolutely fan-fucking-tastic at the getting his dick wet.

it was the goddamn dimples. everyone always fell for the dimples.

and sure, while jaehyun had had crushes before (johnny could read his little like no other), they'd always been fueled by the hormonal rush of adrenaline and testosterone pumping through his veins. in fact, johnny's not sure that jaehyun had had a proper crush on anyone at college after getting fucked over in high school, where johnny had also gone to with jaehyun.

not that johnny had really known jaehyun. he was quieter and kept to himself more then. didn't really hang out in the same crowd as johnny.

he knows that's not necessarily true. johnny had, truthfully, just completely overlooked jaehyun. like a lot of girls had until jaehyun had finally started to grow into his features.

but johnny knows jaehyun now and he also knows that if jaehyun had never met gianna lee, jaehyun wouldn't have ever dove headfirst into the deep end of shitfuckery and sleeping around with every breathing body in sight.

cliché story of course. college boy becomes a fuckboy after having his heart broken by a girl in high school. johnny's almost 100% positive that sia's shoved at least two or three novels like those in johnny's face, with the same exact plot.

but what is life but a series of clichés after all. and honestly, did it even matter? it was real. it happened to jaehyun. that was all. end of story.

so johnny doesn't even say a word when he sees the post-it note in jaehyun's trash can. he's silent as he watches sia and jaehyun talk and jaehyun fall into a period of overthinking (and jaehyun knows he's overthinking too because johnny can see him shake his head even as he continues to stare at the 'people' tab of intro to east asia).

and johnny finally decides to break his silence when he sees jaehyun with a new post-it note, although this time it was a much more tame blue post-it, and a pensive look.

jaehyun slips it to johnny to read as they're sitting at the local starbucks, with johnny filling out some paperwork for the job he was signed on for as soon as the school year ended and jaehyun studying for the organic chemistry exam he had coming up the next week.

he doesn't say anything when he passes the note but johnny can see him sideye-ing him to catch his reaction and it's all he can do to keep from letting a little smile slip through.

he hands the piece of paper back, watching as jaehyun immediately stuffs it into his backpack, and for some reason, he's really not sure what to say. if sia were here, she would know exactly what to say, and how to say it. she had a way of saying things that were a little too straightforward to feel good but also obviously coming from a generally good place.

it was one of the reasons why johnny had thought it would be a good idea to make it official with her. sia yoo was nothing like what johnny had thought - and the thought simultaneously frightens him and comforts him.

"you plan on asking her out on a date?" johnny says lightly, sliding his laptop over to pretend to look at his phone casually. in actuality, he's typing furiously to sia (one of the few people that johnny trusted or consulted when it came to advice giving) about what was happening.

johnny is not very surprised when sia's gray bubble appears, disappears, and then appears again only to say, "yeah, i know."

he waits for a more elaborate response. or even a more sia-like response but the more that he talks to her, the more johnny is learning that sia is more unpredictable than she really seems to be.

and sia yoo seems to be completely out of the box.

johnny shakes his head, as if to physically get rid of the thoughts of her from his head, unsure why he was thinking of her when he was supposed to be helping out one of his boys.

"yeah. i think so? i don't know. i mean we had a good time and we definitely have chemistry. but we literally just had one night in bed and that's it." jaehyun furrows his eyebrows as he realizes that's not just it. "well, there is the fact that kun was walking around singing her praises. and i know that fatima wouldn't be friends with kun or y/n if she wasn't sure they're both good people. not to mention the fact that i've always thought she's kinda hot. but it's always been superficial. even us spending the night together was really nothing more than finding each other hot or trying to figure out if the talk around town was real or not."

johnny takes a sip of his americano as he lets jaehyun's words sink into his own mind. jaehyun rests his heads on his arms crossed in front of him and johnny knows exactly the set of thoughts that's running through jaehyun's mind because they were the same as johnny's when he had decided to ask sia out on a date.

is it worth it? is it worth possibly getting my heart strung up on someone again just to face the possibility of breaking it again?

so johnny offers the only advice that he really has.

"talk to roseanne. girls' fiercest protectors are their friends and something tells me that talking to her will make you fall on one side or the other."

+++

the next time that jaehyun sees roseanne is a complete coincidence. he really only meant to say hi to one of his homies, yugyeom, on the way out of the library and hadn't expected to run into roseanne or miyeon at all. especially not a singular day after johnny had suggested that he seek her out in the first place.

he watches as yugyeom thumbs the rip in miyeon's jeans as he continues to talk to jaehyun about something jeongguk had done the previous weekend. and then he sees miyeon press a kiss to roseanne's cheek as she gets up to fill up her water bottle.

jaehyun didn't think he would understand that dynamic at all but whatever floated their boat. who was he to judge? he had watched the barbie movie and was still having a crisis about his masculinity and was actively searching out his one night stand's (were you still just his one night stand?) roommate and best friend to fix it. to be fair, he didn't really fully understand the barbie movie, to the chagrin of doyoung's girlfriend nairobi but that was besides the point.

yeah. jaehyun was really in no position to speak. wow he had a lot of things to work on internally. the more he talked to the women in his life, the more he was realizing this. again. not the point.

roseanne takes one look at his face and then exchanges a look with miyeon and then yugyeom before standing up and walking towards the exit, looking at jaehyun questioningly when she realizes that jaehyun hasn't moved an inch. jaehyun hurriedly bids yugyeom and miyeon goodbye as he rushes after her.

the two of them linger outside of the library and roseanne just raises an eyebrow as she appraises jaehyun. and for some reason, jaehyun stands up straighter, and she just sighs, a small smile playing on her lips.

"let me guess. 'who makes people work for their number? what is this? sprinkle sprinkle type of stuff?' or maybe 'this is kinda cringey, isn't it?' or just a sweet and simple 'what the actual fuck?'" roseanne says nonchalantly, listing out each possible question jaehyun could have come to ask.

"would it make me a bad man if i said yes to all of the above?" jaehyun asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. roseanne shrugs, crossing her arms across her chest.

"not really. i don't think so at least. it's a fair set of questions that even i asked her the first time a guy came up to me asking who the fuck my roommate thought she was," roseanne says. she takes sees the look of confusion on jaehyun's face as she continues, "you're definitely not the first person to ask me that but you are of a selective few. y/n usually doesn't let people get this far in the first place. and secondly, she doesn't really tell us much about people she's interested in until much later."

"she's a strange person, if i'm being honest with you. there's just something about her that makes her so captivating and invisible at the same time. she'll capture the attention of everyone in the room but if you talk to her, she'll make you feel like her best friend. she seems like an open book, and an even more open friend. and you feel so close to her within a conversation and then you end the conversation, you realize that even as she spoke, she revealed nothing about herself."

"i'm her best friend and i could tell you very confidently that i didn't know a single thing about her truly until recently. it made me frustrated at first. like i was a shitty friend or something. but the closer to her i got, the more i realized that she's always been a great friend but no one's been a great friend to her. she's very selective with the people she associates with - not just people she lets herself be seen with but people she confides in."

"this whole thing is a defense mechanism. she'd be caught dead before she'd ever admit it but she just hasn't been loved in the way that she's loved and now she's more guarded for it. i'll tell you this jaehyun, but if you want to give up, do it now. she says she's just going to give you her number if you earn it but once you get all 10 digits, know that she's gonna give you her heart."

"it seems like i'm violating girl code by telling you all this but like i said, even if you were to ask y/n, she would say the same thing. not in so many words but still. like i said. she's an open book and a closed heart. she knows you're gonna ask me and so she only tells me something that she would be okay with you hearing."

jaehyun, who had been listening quietly and patiently the whole time, cuts in with a quiet voice. "isn't it exhausting to live like that?"

roseanne looks at him strangely, as though she was truly seeing him for the first time. jaehyun doesn't know if he's offended or relieved that she'd done what he'd done to sia - made assumptions based on his appearance. he lands on neutral. it's human nature, to try and make proper guesses about who's gonna act like what.

the ancient art of preventing heartbreak, jaehyun supposes.

"maybe. i don't think so though. it's gotta be a different level of relief knowing that no one's gonna talk shit about you because a) no one knows you well enough to do that or b) because you're so careful with who you trust that you know they'd never betray you or even c) they can only talk about what you put out into the world. it's why censorship is so effective. people can only talk about what they know. there's few people who will ignore what they see to find what they can't see tangibly."

"are all of y/n's friends secretly poets or something? why the hell are you guys all speaking cryptically like you're all freemasons or some shit like that. i can't tell if i find it cringey or cool," jaehyun says, cocking his head.

roseanne lets out a real, full bellied laugh at that, clutching her stomach as chuckles escape her. jaehyun's not sure what he's said that's so funny but he knows for a fact that she's not laughing with him, but at him.

"why is it cringey, jaehyun? why would it be cool? it's just what it is. we're just girls. you'll see us at the party next weekend, drinking our weight in alcohol. we'll have the conversations about makeup and dresses and having fun and our future and our past. there's nothing like freemasonry, i promise. it's just so amusing to see men get alarmed by the thoughts that girls have been wrestling with since they've been twelve. the duality of man, i guess," roseanne says finally, once she's caught her breath.

jaehyun doesn't know how to respond to that so he elects to save the remaining tatters of his dignity by just not responding at all. if there's one thing he's learned about you, it's that you surround yourself by women who are not hesitant about putting him in his place. and he's oddly thankful for it.

"i have one last question. well, two last questions, actually," jaehyun says when he sees roseanne turning around to head back inside, still wiping the tears from her eyes from laughing too hard.

roseanne turns, a knowing glint in her eyes even before jaehyun asks his question.

"how many guys have talked to you? and what's the highest number anyone's ever gotten to?"

roseanne is silent and just as the silence begins to turn awkward, she promptly turns on her heel and begins to walk away. she opens the door to the library before she seemingly changes her mind and looks back at jaehyun.

"two guys have talked to me. you're gonna have to ask fatima about the second question though. and jaehyun? the next number is 6."

96_-___-____.

+++

jaehyun finds fatima not soon after his conversation with roseanne. he's sitting in the nct house, watching johnny pace back and forth in his room, trying to figure out if what he was wearing was too casual for a date to a bowling alley.

it was way too formal, in jaehyun's opinion. but he was just going to wait for johnny to finish panicking (even if he would never admit that he was, in fact, panicking) to figure that out on his own. seriously though, who wore a button down and slacks to a bowling alley?

then again, he was going on a date with sia yoo so really, anything was fairplay when it came to that girl. she was a whirlwind of literally everything that could possibly go into a human being. she was a maximalist to the fullest, seizing every opportunity she could to make good memories, pressing forward with a sense of perfect clarity and sobriety that most people would be scared of.

the type of girl who was the main character of any story that she would feature in. sia was the type of person that people who trip and fall over themselves trying to have a good time with that she practically promised. she walked around with fairy dust in her fingers and a strange sense of wisdom that felt like she could read you like a book within a singular meeting with her.

jaehyun knows that she's the most intimidating out of all of the girls. out of you, roseanne, fatima, and sia, she was hands down the most frightening because even though she could read everyone else, no one could really read her.

then there was roseanne. she was the wet dream of every girl alive - the reason why straight girls lamented that they were straight and still falling a little bit in love with her. she was hot, flirtatious to the extent of making everyone wonder what they were when she gave them even a split second of attention, and so incredibly full of life. it doesn't surprise jaehyun that she had become exclusive with miyeon and yugyeom. for some reason, he feels like she just wouldn't have been able to settle for liking one person at once.

she was a little too much for just one person to be able to handle. she was like the human personification of a leather jacket wearing, motorcycle driving, woody cologne smelling wattpad trope. jaehyun understands her appeal all too well.

and then there was fatima. she was kind, sweet, kept to herself, and always offered a helping hand to those around her. jaehyun understood why kun had fallen so hard for her within two minutes of meeting her. she had an air about her that made you feel like she was someone who truly cared about you, even if you didn't know her and she didn't know you all that well. she was the type of girl who was always forgotten in the novels about warriors and princesses. the girl who was often reduced to nothing more than the main character's best friend.

until you met a girl like her in real life. fatima was still a little forgotten, and jaehyun knew that. guys often overlooked her in favor of her 'hotter' or 'wilder' friends, which is admittedly what jaehyun had thought at first. but she was just so genuine and clearheaded. she protected her peace in a way that was so unusual for young, college-going students. not to say that sia, roseanne, or you weren't genuine or anything like that. but fatima was the type of girl that jaehyun knew was perfect for kun. the girl that he could go home and know that no matter what he had done in his past, she would love him all the same.

and there was you. smart, strangely private, and a series of contradictions housed within one heart. jaehyun wracks his brain, trying to gather everything that he knew about you and yet, he comes up empty.

frustratingly empty.

jaehyun vaguely registers the fact that johnny has finally changed and is getting ready to go. he knows that he should say something about how johnny should just be himself and that sia liking him is completely up to her, regardless of what johnny were to do. but when he locks eyes with johnny, he realizes that johnny already knows.

so jaehyun just claps him on the back as he heads back to his room, his mind spinning as he tries to think of everything that he knows about you. and he draws a blank every fucking time.

he knows superficial things about you. maybe it's because he doesn't know you like he knows your friends. he hasn't talked to you as much as he's talked to them. but how does he not know you? he's been wanting to get with you for so long. he wanted more than just your body. he wanted your charm and your appeal.

was it just your body? is that all it was? is that all jaehyun wanted? somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to believe that. he doesn't want that for himself. logically, he knows that gianna's impact on his life shouldn't be extending this far. he knows that he shouldn't want or have to fight himself this hard but you're not making it much easier for him.

when was the last time jaehyun wanted to get to know such an enigma of a girl? gianna lee. and he wants nothing to do with a girl like that ever again.

and yet, here he is. falling into the same trap all over again.

jaehyun's so caught up in his own thoughts, feeling himself starting to spiral when he bumps in fatima and kun, who are equally caught up in a conversation with each other.

"oh, my bad," jaehyun mumbles, ready for fatima to brush past him but she doesn't, looking at jaehyun and then kun.

"hey man, we're headed back to my place. why don't you come back with us?" kun offers, and jaehyun just nods blankly, as he starts to follow them out of the nct house. kun stops at the entrance where he picks up a textbook from yuta, who had been borrowing it for the last week, before the three of them make their way out.

"how are you, jaehyun?" fatima asks with a sweet smile as they pile into kun's car. somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to give her a generic, insincere answer.

"i'm...okay. i'm just okay. confused but okay," jaehyun says and fatima seems alright with this answer. kun pulls out of the 'driveway' of the frat house, exchanging in a quiet conversation with fatima about what they were planning on eating for the night, leaving jaehyun to simmer in his thoughts.

gianna lee. there was a name that he thought about almost every day and never all at the same time. the girl who had made him and broke him. the girl that jaehyun had trusted with his heart and made him regret ever doing that.

the girl who had been the first love of his life.

+++

gianna was a year younger than him. smart, so incredibly sweet, and yet someone that no one could confidently say that they knew. she was the type of girl who could slip under the radar as easily as her friends seemed to always stay on top of.

she ran in the same circle as jaehyun had in senior year, right when jaehyun was beginning to blossom into the man that he was today. she had always been kind to him, if not a little withdrawn, even when he was a skinny boy with proportions that absolutely did not seem to match each other.

jaehyun didn't even know her well enough for her to break his heart, honestly. jaehyun had liked her even before having a proper conversation with her. he knew how left out she felt in her own body. even though he couldn't imagine a more gorgeous girl, he knew that she didn't feel that way about herself.

he knew that she always compared herself to her friends. her well-accomplished, 'main character' best friends who were the talk of the school. and her. no matter how intelligent or kind or put together she was, no one really looked at her the way that jaehyun did. she knew it.

even jaehyun couldn't place why he liked her so much. maybe it was the fact that he was somehow comforted that a girl with so much beauty could feel the same way as him. maybe it was the fact that she had always held the same smile for him, regardless of what he looked like. or maybe it was even the fact that one time, she had held his hand as she pulled him across the street, running to catch up with their friends who had already crossed.

jaehyun just remembers looking at her dyed cherry red hair falling into her eyes as she laughs, pulling him forward to where the rest of their friends were standing. and as he breathes in the smoke in the air and the raspberry scent of her perfume, he just knows that he really, truly likes gianna lee.

gianna lee doesn't like him the way that he likes her. he knows that. logically, jaehyun knows that his feelings are truly unfounded. he really has no reason to like gianna the way that he does. and yet, there's a part of him that holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll turn around with those big eyes and upturned lips and say that she likes him the way that he likes her.

so he continues to look at her first when he makes the friend group laugh. he always slips her a napkin when he's getting one for himself when they're out getting milkshakes. he offers to help her with apush when she's stressing about a test the next week.

the closer he gets to her, the more jaehyun realizes that really, she was nothing like the image of her he had conjured in his head. she was every bit sweet as he had thought but she was argumentative, competitive, and all too obsessed with perfection. she always needed to be right in an argument, always had to win, and always had to make sure that she looked flawless doing so.

jaehyun doesn't realize it, of course. he's so obsessed with his glazed over façade of her that he just continues to let her win the arguments even when he knows that she's wrong. and she lets him wrap his arms around her when she gets an 89% on her test.

he lets her walk all over him and she lets him act on his feelings.

it was a toxic, parasitic relationship that neither of them were truly happy in. when gianna asked him out, jaehyun hadn't felt like fireworks were going off in his stomach. he felt like he had won a prize at a marathon. like he'd won a medal.

gianna wasn't a medal. she was a flawed, beautiful human being - every bit gorgeous and horrible as jaehyun and every other human being was. but jaehyun had won, hadn't he?

he hadn't. and it took so long for him to realize that by the time he'd realized that gianna had really only taken to him out of pity, he was so far in his own head that he didn't know how to leave her.

eventually, the summer before college rolled around and gianna had taken it upon herself to do the nasty deed of breaking up with him. it had been an amicable split, as far as their friends were concerned.

but none of them had ever truly either of their friends. so what did they know?

what did they know about gianna finding comfort in her ex's arms? what did they know about her grades slipping at the end of the school year? what did they know about her having to excuse herself at a meeting for her internship to sob in the bathroom as she realized the true fallacy in the way she had acted? what did they know about the way she had to reconstruct herself bottom up? nothing.

what did they know about jaehyun spending every other night with a different girl, trying to ease the ache in his heart? what did they know about the obscene number of hours at the gym, not sure how to combat the sudden numbness after girl after girl? what did they know about the fact that jaehyun could not physically stand the smell of raspberries anymore? absolutely nothing.

no one knew anything until jaehyun had finally come to college. it was once he joined the frat and met guys who were so alike and different from him at the same time that he finally opened up about gianna.

only to doyoung, kun, and johnny but people nonetheless. everyone had gone through something similar - while for some it happened at college or back home, they all knew the pain. some of them were more in the fault than others but pain is pain and a paper cut bleeds the same red as a gunshot wound.

which is why when kun sits him down on the couch and fatima hands him a cup of iced tea to save them all from the sweltering heat as august makes a last stand against september's winds, jaehyun spills everything.

gianna. his past. his insecurities. everything. he knows he shouldn't. logically, fatima had nothing stopping her from going and telling everything that jaehyun had told her to you, but for some reason, jaehyun thinks that she won't.

she doesn't.

+++

fatima knows that jaehyun was going to talk to her about something like this. it seemed that all of the nct boys came with some level of trauma like this. she wasn't sure what it was about every single boy she had met in college (although, granted, they were either her friends' conquests or kun's friends - a very interesting group of very intertwined boys) having their hearts getting ripped to shreds. sometimes it was of their own volition but they all seemed to be some level of hurt either way.

so when jaehyun spills his heart out on kun's carpeted floors, she's ready with a well-rehearsed speech. he's one of six boys she'd already had this same exact conversation with (kun has a bad habit of picking up strays) but when he looks at her with such raw anguish in his eyes, she falters.

she looks to kun, who's looking at her with the same question that she knows jaehyun is asking.

"how do you know when to choose between your head and your heart? because my heart is so fucking scared of getting attached to someone again. but my head knows that i can't push everyone away because i'm scared."

fatima is quiet, searching for the right words. she's about to say something when kun speaks up, looking determinedly at fatima.

"you learn to choose you. instead of choosing between your head and your heart, just choose yourself. at the end of the day, you and y/n are good people who aren't trying to hurt each other. you're both trying not to get hurt. and honestly, maybe you'll realize that you both are better off as friends along the way. maybe you just realize that you don't want to be with someone right now. or maybe you find someone who makes you feel like you're safe and loved when you're around them, whether you're in love with them or not." fatima looks at kun with a soft smile, reaching out to hold his hand gently.

"you have to choose yourself, jaehyun. trust me. the more you start thinking about what is best for the people around you instead of thinking for yourself, you'll look back fifteen, twenty years down the road and see everyone but yourself in your life. don't do something because gianna and how she made you feel. don't let your past define your future," fatima says, and jaehyun can feel the tears prick his eyes. he blinks determinedly, trying to make them disappear but when kun sits on one side of him and fatima on the other, he starts losing his battle against his emotions, finally letting himself mourn the innocence he had once had.

he buries his head into fatima's shoulder and for some reason, he feels as though kun and fatima would be amazing parents. because jaehyun doesn't remember the last time that he had felt this safe in an embrace.

"and jaehyun? the furthest anyone has ever gotten is five numbers. you're at three. it's your call from here. do what you want, not what you think you need to do." fatima taps his shoulder gently and lets him cry for as long as he needs to.

963-___-____.

+++

jaehyun gets the next number from you. after his conversation with fatima, he's sure that if he wants to go any further than this, he needed to talk to you first.

it's strange. he's earning your number but it feels like jaehyun's somehow earning himself back. and when he finds you again, he knows that you can tell.

even johnny could tell. when he had come back from his (successful) date with sia, the first thing he had said was, "wow. you look so...light."

jaehyun hadn't said anything but 'thank you' but it was enough.

johnny had just smiled at him and recounted the date, stating that he was going to ask her to go on another date this saturday night. jaehyun doesn't mention the fact that nct is throwing that night because johnny already knows.

and honestly, sia is a junior and johnny is a senior. they've been to their fair share of parties. one party being missed wouldn't be life changing for them. but skipping a party as the vice president of a frat and a girl who was sought after as a sweetheart for six frats meant something nonetheless.

he hadn't expected that they were to get that serious that quickly but it was a refreshing change. even fatima and kun were starting about talking about talking to fatima's parents to get their blessing for their relationship. her dilemma was no secret and it seemed that the conversation between the three of them had served to help them through their own issues as well.

there was just something in the air, jaehyun had supposed. august turned to september in the week that jaehyun had wrestled with himself, eventually leading to seeking you out.

it had been at the nct party, actually. you were standing with some of your acquaintances, all of your friends having dispersed to do what they were going to do. jaehyun had been on the other side of the room, convincing bambam that it was most definitely not a good idea to try and pursue soyeon jeon if he wanted to make sure that he woke up with all his limbs intact the next morning.

you had met his eye, raising an eyebrow before continuing your conversation, all thoughts of him seemingly out of your mind. jaehyun looks between bambam (who has gone from trying to get with soyeon to jumping into the pool) (that pool had not been cleaned in a full six months) and you. he just finds jungwoo, one of the pledges, and hands him a very drunk bambam.

"do not let him do anything dumb. i'm counting on you pledge," jaehyun called out over his shoulder as he weaves through people to get to you.

"jaehyun! hey! long time no see," hailey whitfield says, throwing herself in jaehyun's arms. jaehyun looks at you, where you're staring straight at where hailey's body ends and his arms begin. jaehyun tries to push her off of him. once upon a time, jaehyun would've been behind happy about getting with her again - she was so good with her mouth. but now, he has no intentions of giving you the wrong impression.

at least until he has a proper conversation with you so that you knew where he stood with you. and where you stood with him.

"hey hailey, sorry i've gotta get to my friend," he says, not even looking at her as he pushes off of her, resuming his threading through the crowd to where you're standing. you look at him, unimpressed, but jaehyun knows you well enough to know that three numbers are enough to make you feel a certain way if jaehyun was fooling around with other girls.

which he hasn't been. not a single night. jaehyun jung's bed has been empty for an entire two weeks, something that doyoung and nairobi have been taking full advantage of.

even some of jaehyun's friends had started asking if he was having problems or something but he had brushed them off. he definitely wasn't having problems, if hailey whitfield was any indication. but he felt like it would be doing you dirty if he had someone in his bed while he was talking to your friends about you.

so he hadn't.

he knows you know. he knows that you know he's talked to sia, roseanne, and fatima. he'd figured that you'd find out either through them or just by him. he can tell by the look in your eyes that you've read him thoroughly.

so he really doesn't feel bad about pulling you away from your friends, taking you upstairs to his room. finally, doyoung had promised that they would go back to nairobi's place on the condition that jaehyun made sure that no one would try to fuck on his bed. he promised, knowing that the only person who'd be coming up here would be him. he needed to talk to you tonight. if he knew anything it was that.

but once you're sitting on his bed, watching him pace back and forward, he's lost everything he's been wanting to say. where does he even start? with gianna? with the questions he has for you? with the number? where does he begin?

jaehyun looks at you, where you're watching him with a small smile on your face and suddenly, it doesn't matter where he begins. you'll listen to it all. he knows that much.

"why do you want me to work for your number?" jaehyun asks. you look at him curiously, tilting your head as you piece together an answer.

"are you sure you don't know the answer to that question?" you say, folding your legs so that you're sitting criss cross on the navy covers.

"i do. but i want to hear it from you, y/n. you know what all your friends say about you? that they didn't properly know you until a full year of friendship with you. but they said that you never lie. so i want you to tell me," jaehyun says, chest heaving by the end of his ramble. his eyes turn soft as he watches you become more and more solemn and he steps forward, sitting down on his desk chair and swiveling it over so that he was sitting directly across from you.

you pause for a moment, searching for the words before saying anything. "i've never been in a relationship before. so i don't have the trauma that could come from something like that. but i know what it's like to lose your heart to someone. and i know that it hurts. i want to be loved in the way that i never thought i could be. so the number thing is just an excuse for me to get to the point where i won't feel guilty about liking someone."

you shrug, smiling but not allowing the smile to reach your eyes. "it's a good way to make sure that the guy knows what he's getting into either way."

jaehyun nods at that. he knew that much. it feels different hearing it from you though. when you're the one saying it, jaehyun knows that it's real. raw. not coming from people trying to protect you because they know that you're far too soft to truly come at him guns blazing.

somehow, he likes it. he likes that you're much softer than you seem. that you're a lot more vulnerable than you come off as. and for some reason, jaehyun hopes that you never perfect the art of becoming standoffish.

"hmm. you've never been in a relationship before?" jaehyun says finally and you nod, shrugging once more. a shadow of bittersweet nostalgia crosses your face before you're back to your soft smile and guarded yet curious eyes.

"nope. part of it was on me; i've got high standards, if you can't tell. and the other part was that i've always wanted someone who fascinates me. of course, i wasn't all that appealing to men because i spent so much time trying to beat them at the only thing they were good at - ego-boosting themselves but they weren't interesting. none of them were people i really wanted to get to know," you say, unfolding your legs.

jaehyun likes the fact that the tips of your toes are the only part of your feet that touch the ground from how far back you're sitting on the bed. in an act of boldness, jaehyun moves forward to sit next to you, right where you're sitting. his feet are flat on the floor, he realizes.

he doesn't know why he's noticing things like this but he is and something about that frustrates him, frightens him, and tugs at his heartstrings altogether.

"you're heartbroken, aren't you? boys like you always seem to be a little hurt," you say, tossing the words into the air like rose petals. they're recklessly thrown but they're somehow beautiful in the way that blackened roses are always beautiful.

"yeah. i was. i think i will always mourn who i was before that. i was so naïve. but i'm not him anymore. and i think i'm realizing that i'm actually okay with that." jaehyun says the words just as carelessly as you do but once they're out in the open, he realizes that he's being completely honest. he turns to you with a strange look though.

"boys like me?"

you smile and nod at him. "boys like you."

you stand up, walking to where jaehyun has a corkboard with a shitload of scraps and photos from the past two years. you don't mention the fact that none of the memories that he has on the board date from before senior year. you don't need to.

"boys like you who've never been loved completely. boys who think that they need to listen to what the world says about how they should be acting or thinking. boys who are hopeless romantics but what would the world say if they knew that these boys just wanted a little bit of love? what would they say if they were looking for warmth in an empty and cold bed?"

jaehyun hates that you're right. it's the college boy tragedy. condemned to never be able to completely heal from one bad experience and then always breaking hearts to collect enough pieces to build themselves a new one.

he didn't want to end like that. even if it wasn't with you, he was ready to grow past it. he didn't want to end as a heartbreaker.

"boys like me...and you like a boy like me?" jaehyun asks. he doesn't know why he does. this is the first proper conversation you've had with him when both of you are decidedly sober. you want to deflect the question but if he's being honest, that's a sign for you to be just as honest.

"i don't know. from what my friends say, and what i know about you as a person in class, i know you mean well. and honestly, i've always just been the type of person to like someone past things like the books they read or the way they dress," you say, still looking at the memories jaehyun's pieced together over the years on this board. "i feel something around you. and i don't know you well enough to know that i like you as someone more than a friend but i'd like to at least have the chance to get that far."

that's all jaehyun needs. he gets another number that night.

+++

jaehyun waits for you outside of intro to east asia, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waits for you to make it out of the classroom. you're the last one to leave, knowing that technically, you and jaehyun weren't allowed to see each other while he was your ta.

jaehyun had never really pegged you as someone with so much respect for the rules but you had argued that it was mostly about the principle.

he'd learned a lot about you that last weekend. you and him had stayed up all night, talking about nothing and everything under the sun until the sun itself rose, eventually falling asleep in a tangled mess of limbs and conversations.

he learned that while you didn't like the rules, you often followed them as long as they followed your own moral code. that you would die for your friends and that had landed you in many bad friendships when people would use that to their advantage before you'd met your friends in college. he learned that you were super close with your family, and that they were quite literally the best friends that you could always rely on.

and he learned that you wanted to see him again. on a date. sometime soon. so with no real way of communicating with you outside of social media (and he somehow felt like sliding into your dm's was corny and somewhat of a copout), here he was. waiting outside of the classroom like he was ripped straight from a 1950's romance movie. he even had the letterman jacket on to boot.

"oh my god, you scared me," you say, pressing a hand to your chest as you quite nearly bump into jaehyun. he smiles, readjusting his backpack on his shoulders as the two of you start walking.

"you knew i was waiting for you outside, didn't you?" he says, pushing the side door open to walk towards the parking lot, where he's convinced kun to let him borrow his car for the day.

"yeah but i didn't think you would be literally outside the door," you murmur, checking your phone to see the rest of your day's schedule. you had purposefully blocked off three hours of your schedule to hang out with jaehyun, which you were sure to regret later on when your organic chemistry class kicked your ass. but that was a later issue.

"well, i couldn't text you where i was so i figured i'd wait in plain sight," jaehyun retorts, opening the passenger door for you without a word. huh. that was the first time a man has ever done that for you. and jaehyun did it as though it were second nature - like it was a given.

you don't know why something so small means so much to you but you're alright with it. you're alright with just appreciating it.

"that's fair," you say. another number's on the tip of your tongue as you watch him get into the driver's seat but jaehyun beats you to the punch.

"don't give me a number. not yet," jaehyun says. "not that i don't want one. but i just...me waiting outside your classroom or opening your door isn't enough for a number. even if i don't get all ten, you've got to up your standards."

you don't know what to say to that so you don't say anything, turning on the music and letting the melody of chemtrails under the country club by lana del ray fill the rainy september afternoon sky.

+++

when jaehyun pulls up to a run down diner, you're pleasantly surprised. although you're not much of a sucker for romantic places, the fact that jaehyun is somehow makes you happy. it makes you happy that he still sees the beauty in places like these. and when you look over at him, dimples threatening to show as he breathes in the air of misty fog and the smell of milkshakes and burgers, you're so tempted to kiss him.

so you lean over, looking at him with a twinkle in your eyes once jaehyun has parked.

"can i kiss you?" you ask, mere inches from his lips. jaehyun just looks at you, and from this close, you realize just how beautiful his eyes are. they're dark, darker than anyone else's that you know. and yet, it feels like you could fall in and never regret it.

"please."

it's all you need. and it's all he needs because as soon as word slips from his lips, he's pressing forward, his lips against yours. he's soft, you register vaguely. nothing like last time. nothing like how he'd kissed you like he could think of nothing but absolutely ruining you.

jaehyun is soft. like the feeling of slipping a cold hand into someone's warm jacket pocket. he kisses you like he's scared of ruining you. ruining this. and you're absolutely addicted to the feeling.

the feeling of knowing that he could just claim you instead of trying his best to claim your heart. no matter how fucked up it was that you were even thinking that someone could 'claim' you. he wasn't like that and you could work with that.

he pulls away from you, eyes still closed as he sits against the drivers seat, his head against the headrest. you watch him, a silly and childish smile on your face - although you're not really sure why it's there in the first place. but who are you to knock anything?

there aren't many words to exchange as the two of you make your way into the diner. jaehyun had opened your car door again. this time, you just offer him your hand and you're strangely alright with just how safe you feel with his hand locked in yours.

the diner seems as though time has frozen still here.

and everything about the date seems the same. it feels as though time has frozen still - almost as though the two of you are in a little bubble with no one but each other. it's a feeling you haven't experienced in a while. a feeling you don't think you've ever had because of a boy.

it feels...almost scarily comfortable. it doesn't feel as though there are fireworks exploding for every word that jaehyun says. but it does feel as though that there's a hot mug of cocoa that's been handed to you on a cold winter night. and that feeling, the feeling of warmth spreading through every corner of your body, is the feeling that you know is good for you.

so you listen to him, watch him speak animatedly about basketball or a book he read, chin resting in your palm as you find yourself falling deeper and deeper.

jaehyun gets two numbers that day.

+++

it doesn't take much longer for jaehyun to get the rest of the numbers. soon enough, you're more than happy just to spend time with him the way that you spend time with your friends. you feel as though you've made a good friend out of someone you'd thought that you wouldn't even be able to get along with.

"you know, when i first met you, even before i knew you, i really didn't like you," you say, taking a sip out of your latte. the seasons have changed, fall giving way to winter. the november air bites your skin every time someone opens the door to the tiny café the two of you were sitting in.

jaehyun smiles, nodding as he leans back in his chair. "i know. i could tell by the look in your eyes."

"the look in my eyes?"

"yeah. the one that said that you wanted to get to know me. to figure out my deal even if you didn't necessarily want to find out for sure. kind of like you wanted to be the one that said 'aha!' at the end of a movie, even though you weren't sure of the ending at all."

you look at jaehyun for a moment before laughing, shaking your head as you laugh. "you're even starting to talk like me now."

jaehyun pauses before he nods, smiling with you. "yeah, i know. you've rubbed off on me in a lot of ways."

"i've improved your music taste, that's for sure," you snort, taking another sip out of your latte. "i still can't believe you didn't like ric flair drip when we met."

"it's not that i didn't like it and it's still not that i like it now. but i guess i just have a good memory associated with it now so it's growing on me," jaehyun says. your eyebrows furrow as you try to recollect what good memory he could possibly be referring to.

"oh my god. the night that we met! i was trying to get in your pants with ric flair drip," you say incredulously, shivering when someone opens and closes the door once more. jaehyun hands you his hoodie, leaving his arm extended silently when you protest.

you don't know why you still bother trying to protest with him when you knew you were going to lose. you put the sweater on as jaehyun starts talking, letting the scent of clean water and pine trees swaddle you softly.

"honestly, i think i was more than you that night," jaehyun says, as he looks at you with an incriminating twinkle in his eyes. "that was around the time that even taeyong said that he wanted to see if kun's vivid descriptions were true or not. and i wasn't about to let him get the opportunity to get to you before i did. i don't know why. i felt almost protective over you. but not in a good way. in the type of way where i wanted to show you how good i could make you feel - more than anyone could even begin to think of making you feel."

the previously cold café begins to become a lot hotter than you were feeling before, clearing your throat as you try to let the moment pass.

"how did we even get here?" you say, fanning yourself delicately. the move only serves to work against you when you fan yourself so that the scent of his cologne on his hoodie only gets stronger in your mind.

jaehyun leans back, letting you switch the conversation. he'd bring it up to you later in the night, anyway. besides, for someone who puts on such a strong front, it's honestly a little fun to see you squirm at the slightest implications from jaehyun.

"but, uh, jaehyun. i've been meaning to ask you something for a while," you begin, fidgeting with the wrapper of the straw in front of you. jaehyun tilts his head as if to question what you have to say as he waits patiently.

"what are we?"

now jaehyun is truly confused. was the past month of going on dates not clear enough? jaehyun wasn't going on dates with anyone else. oh my god. were you going on dates with other men? is that why you're asking.

"i thought we were dating?" jaehyun says, phrasing his sentence more like a question than a statement. "i mean i'm not talking to anyone else and i kinda assumed that since i'd gotten all ten numbers, neither were you."

you hum, unable to stop the silly smile on your face.

"good. that's just what i was thinking too."

+++

honestly, everything about jaehyun jung is appealing to you. from the way that he engulfs you in a hug when you're up late studying. or the way that he convinces you that you have a virus on your laptop just so that he could spend more time with you 'fixing' your laptop for you. or the way that he sits with you and your friends, patiently listening and offering advice wherever he can (or honestly, is just allowed to speak).

you're so glad to see him like this. as your boyfriend of four and a half months (you hadn't let him make it official until he was no longer your ta), you've seen him grow in ways that you'd never thought. jaehyun was every inch the stupid, naïve fuckboy you'd thought him to be in the beginning. and he was also every inch the hopeless romantic with a little too much love to give for a scarred heart.

so you heal together. you help each other when you quite literally can't handle the pain and together, you grow. he's more confident. not just in the way that he looks - but the way that he speaks around people. the way that he educates himself. the way that he communicates how he feels.

and he helps you everyday. he shows you what it feels like to be loved the way you love others. he shows you that you are worth the princess treatment. and most importantly for you, he loves the people around you the way you love the people around you.

kun and fatima find their happy ending. fatima had spoken to her parents and while they took some time to warm up to kun, his soft demeanor and the way that he loved fatima so completely and sincerely eventually won them over. fatima even met kun's parents with equal success, although kun's mother kept asking when fatima and kun would get married.

(their wedding was already in the works by both fatima's mother and kun's mother. you were beyond elated to go to both the traditional muslim ceremony and the traditional chinese ceremonies.)

johnny and sia ended up going out on a couple more dates before realizing that they probably just weren't meant to be a couple. they loved each other as friends and were probably always going to hold a special place in each other's lives but it just wouldn't be as each other's significant others. johnny was already starting to retreat from the frat boy lifestyle after meeting a girl at the library one day. and sia had finally met someone who could handle her crazy personality with a sweet smile, bringing her back down to reality whenever she went a little...too lively. you're looking forward to meeting him over summer, where the four of you and your friends were going on a vacation together.

roseanne, yugyeom, and miyeon still haven't put a label on their relationship. but you've caught roseanne falling asleep in yugyeom's arms more than once (one too many times than rosie cares to admit) so you figure that it's a good thing that they've all found each other. as unconventional as their relationship might be, they all mesh together so well that you can't even find it in yourself to question it. all's fair in love and war.

jaehyun and you frequent the diner as a favorite date night spot to visit, although you're upset to hear that they're remodeling the entire establishment for favor of a new, more 'modern' atmosphere. although how modern a diner could get was a little bit of a strange notion. but as people change, so do the winds.

and when you walk into the diner the next semester, hand in hand with jaehyun, you're a little comforted to see that diner is now a speakeasy (in true 1970s fashion) with three words written in blinding rhinestones against the velvet background. of course.

ric flair drip.

#jnnul #nct fic #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #jaehyun smut #nct smut #nct 127 fic #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #jaehyun angst #nct angst #nct x reader #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 x reader #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines

[cigarettesaftersuh]

bf jaehyun ii.

#nct #nct 127 #nct drabbles #nct fake texts #nct fanfic #nct ff #nct fic recs #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct recs #nct jaehyun #nct social media au #nct x reader #nct texts #nct angst #nct moodboard #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun #nct fics #nct scenarios #nct smut #bf jaehyun #nct social au #nct djj #nct dojaejung

[haetrack]

HOW IT ALL GOES | MASTERLIST

there are millions of love songs in the world. though they all speak of the same thing, they’re not all the same. love can be happy, sad, exciting, or just shown physically. love is different for everyone. there’s a song for every story, for every person who experiences love.

starring: haechan, mark, jaehyun, jaemin, and renjun!

general warnings: fluff, angst, and smut (not all fics will contain smut, so minors be aware!) fics will be tagged with their specific warnings! general yearning, heartbreak, happy and sad endings

note: the fics are not connected to each other! they can be read as stand alone fics but i hope you stay to read them all! synopses and tags might be changed during the writing process!

side note: if you would like to be tagged, please send in an ask or comment on this post!

I. (lucky for you) we’re just friends

best friend!haechan x reader

synopsis: haechan is someone who always gets what he wants. he’s willing to do anything, but now, he realizes, he doesn’t know what to do. will you, his best friend of many years, let him step into your life where he hasn’t before? do you think about him as much as he does you? or will it all slip away, along with all his memories with you. (angst, little fluff)

side a: like a friend - pulp

side b: now playing

II. no clue

one night stand!mark lee x reader

synopsis: when mark realizes how long it’s been since he’s gotten laid, he rushes out to a party. he’s quick to find someone, rushing into a room without really thinking about it. when he sees you laid under him, it clicks that he might just like you, a stranger. he tries looking for you all over campus, wanting to talk to you. how long will it take for you both to meet? do you even want to meet him? (smut, fluff, little angst)

side a: tongues - the frights

side b: now playing

III. your fate, my karma

fwb!jaehyun x reader

synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you, more importantly, the friendship he has with you. he can’t help it, not with how you look at him, how you smile, how you feel. it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret. (smut, angst, little fluff)

side a: somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra

side b: flip over?

IV. can it last forever?

boyfriend!jaemin x reader

synopsis: after many successful dates, jaemin finally asked to be your boyfriend. you were so happy in the beginning, but doubts begin to fill your head. jaemin is a loving boyfriend, but you can’t help but wonder if you deserve him. did you go into this too fast? what if this is all you have? will you be able to make him happy? (fluff, angst, suggestive)

side a: valentine - laufey

side b: flip over?

V. all to myself

acquaintance!renjun x reader

synopsis: renjun hates how all you’ve been doing is talking about another man. usually, he wouldn’t really mind. but now, he realizes the only reason why he hates it is because he likes you. you’re a friend of a friend, and he’s not sure how he’s supposed to get closer to you if all you’re thinking about someone else. (fluff, smut)

side a: eastside - daisy

side b: flip over?

a/n: im so excited for this series HOORAY!!! i hope u guys are as excited as i am when i start releasing them :3 i also recommend listening to the songs i put!! the fics were inspired by them and lay out the overall feel i want the fics to have! enjoy reading :p

#nct fic #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #nct angst #haechan fic #haechan angst #mark lee fic #mark lee smut #jaehyun fic #jaehyun smut #jaemin fic #jaemin smut #renjun fic #renjun fluff #hiag

[prodbymaui]

When The Sun Comes Up

I know you're leaving in the morning when I wake up

''Fuck–'' His hips pistons vigorously with no sense of rhythm, grunting against your neck, desperate for release. Your nails rakes down his back, but instead of appearing irritated, Jaehyun emits louder sounds– his breathy and raspy voice blending in together with your lewd moans. Everything screams obscene, from the sweat covering both your whole bodies to the skin slapping resounding the bedroom.

''Jaehyun, Jaehyun! Ah shit– uh uh uh! Shit, it's so good.. s-so big. I'm so full, baby! So fucking full–''

Profanities leaves Jaehyun's lips as he leans back, eyes falling on your fucked out face. He pushes the back of your legs until your knees touch your chest, planting his knees on the mattress. Brushing his sweaty hair back, Jaehyun observes how your face scrunches in pleasure. Smug is evident on his face as he notices the bump his cock causes in your belly, he feels so fucking smug to be the only one who can reach parts so deep it has you gasping for air.

Too drunk in this euphoria, you are out of your mind taking in all that Jaehyun could give you that a pleasurable slap on your face wasn't enough to put your attention back on Jaehyun.

''Uhuh, darling?'' His call is answered by a scream, you thrashing in his hold as his tip continuously jabs at your prostate. Jaehyun chuckles. ''You're so– ah shit– fucking adorable and fucking hot at the same time. You drive me crazy, darling. Ugh.. I'm so fucking lucky.''

Drools escape past the corner of your lips, rolling down your chin, joining the tears that had stained your face. ''Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun! Jaehyun, please, I'm– I wanna.. Fuck, wanna– Oh my god–!''

''Yeah, just like that, darling.'' Jaehyun holds on to the last bits of his sanity as he savors the feeling of your walls clamping down his cock deliciously. A good kind of suffocation engulfing his hazy mind. He grips the headboard and finally lets go, painting your walls with his cum, filling you up to the brim.

As you watch his adonis face break down, breath heavy, cursing at the pleasure– you almost let the words expose your true feelings for the man. Words that cannot be spoken if you don't want Jaehyun to force his way out of your grasp.

Your mind class and your heart soars for only one man. To your luck, or lack thereof, that man gives no room for such genuine emotion as love. It was all for pleasure, and not devotion.

You keep your eyes and hands on him as much as you can. Because one sure thing about Jeong Jaehyun? He might be fucking your brains out tonight, but comes morning and he will disappear just as quickly as he shows up. Leaving you with nothing but wrinkled sheets– A firm proof that he's not just one of your dreams.

#nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct #jeong jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct hard hours #nct imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun hard hours #jaehyun imagines #nct fanfic #nct angst #nct boyfriend #nct 127 #prodbymaui

[writemekpop]

Bad Girl | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: Jung Jaehyun is the first guy you’ve ever met who isn’t attracted to you. You’re determined to seduce him. 

Genre: Enemies to lovers AU

Word Count: 1.5k

As you walked into the first play rehearsal, you felt your heart stutter. 

A painfully hot guy was standing by the cast-only coffee table. He was tall, statuesque, in a long black coat and glasses. His chest strained at the fabric of his white shirt, as if his stiff body couldn’t be contained.   

"Hey, you must be Jung Jaehyun," you said, looking up at him through your lashes. Now, you just had to wait for him to start drooling - guys couldn't resist you. 

"Afternoon," Jaehyun said. He barely glanced at you. Was he gay or something? "Thank goodness you're here, we're out of tea." 

You blinked. "Sorry…I’m your co-lead? I play Margot Warner, your character's wife?" 

He stretched out his hand to shake yours, stiffly. "Apologies - I thought you were the coffee girl." 

Damn it, even his cold stare of indifference was sexy.  

"Let’s start with the argument scene," the director said. 

You and Jaehyun took centre stage. "Does my gaze make you feel nothing?" you breathed, looking into his eyes. "My touch?" You twined your fingers in his heavenly soft hair. "My kiss?" 

Standing on your tiptoes, you squeezed a kiss to his lips. They were cool as marble. 

Jaehyun stared into your eyes. Now, overcome with desire, his character was meant to tear the buttons off your shirt and pull you close, just as the lights dimmed. 

But Jaehyun stepped away from you. "Time out!" He sighed. "I just cannot understand what my character sees in hers. Why does he suddenly give in?" 

The director nodded. "He’s right. We need some chemistry here, guys! This is… PG-13 at best.” 

Jaehyun looked at you. "Listen, you may have never seduced a man, but you are going to have to pretend. That is of course, what actors do." 

You could just strangle him. Never seduced a man?  Jaehyun thought he was so much better than you, with his stupid little theatre degree from Harvard. 

You didn’t need a fancy degree to be a good actor. Plus, you could eat Harvard boys for breakfast - and you had. You’d tasted half the football team, in fact. 

Four hours later, you still hadn’t got the scene. 

The director looked like he'd had enough. "Sort out the chemistry by tomorrow, or I’m firing one of you. Which one do you think I should fire?" 

"Him!" you said, at the same time as Jaehyun snapped, 'Her!" 

You stormed up the stairs of the auditorium to get your bag from one the seats. Chemistry problem. Bullshit. That was like saying Albert Einstein had an intelligence problem. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Jaehyun said. 

A tiny shiver ran down your spine. 

"Are you really going to give up on the scene that easily?" Jaehyun taunted. "I've seen chihuahas with longer attention spans." 

"It’s tough acting against a brick wall," you shot back. 

Jaehyun shuddered. "If I have to teach you how to act, I will. Come here."

You walked over to him. 

"Margot is trying to seduce her husband. Your acting is too unidimensional!" 

"Uni-what?" you said. 

"Obvious! You're playing it too obvious," Jaehyun said. "I can see why that would be a problem for you. The whole Barbie thing usually does the trick with men, doesn't it? With your tight dresses and your… long legs. " He glanced at your body, and quickly looked away. But you’d noticed.   

You smirked. "So you think I'm hot." 

Jaehyun scoffed. "What I'm saying is, you need to play the role with your whole body. Subtle - yet hair-raising." He grabbed your script. "I'll try Margot. Watch and learn." 

Jaehyun stepped towards you. 

On the surface, nothing had changed. But Jaehyun was a different man. His face was flushed, his breaths shaky. His eyes kept flashing to your lips, like it took everything in him not to kiss you. 

"Does my gaze make you feel nothing?" he said quietly, his black eyes searching yours. "My touch?" He twined his fingers in your hair, and you couldn't hide the sound of your breath catching.

Every inch of your skin was alive.

"My kiss?" 

Jaehyun kissed you. His lips were so much gentler than you'd expected. You knew it was just acting, but Jaehyun seemed so into you it made him nervous. His whole body trembled with desire. 

You pulled back, struggling to catch your breath. That kiss was hair-raising.  

Something told you Jaehyun wasn't that good an actor. 

Jaehyun pulled back, his face flushed, a pink cloud of lipstick rimming his mouth. He was biting his plump lips, almost as if he was fighting a smile. "Clear?" 

You smiled. "You've forgotten the end of the scene."

An unreadable expression flashed over Jaehyun’s face. 

“How did it end again?” he murmured, his eyes fixed on yours. 

Your eyes fell to Jaehyun’s lips. “Margot and Lewis find the time to… reconnect.” Your fingers found the opening of Jaehyun’s shirt. “To get to know each other again.” 

Jaehyun gulped. “I thought they hated each other.” You started unbuttoning Jaehyun’s shirt, one button at a time. He shivered under your touch. “Hate and love aren’t as different as you think,” you said. 

You abandoned Jaehyun’s shirt on the seats. His body belonged in an art gallery, a sculptor’s impression of the perfect man. Only, Jaehyun was not still and cold anymore. His chest was rising and falling, his flesh hot. 

“This doesn’t mean I’m giving in,” Jaehyun said. “I still abhor you.” 

“And I still don’t give a damn what abhor means,” you said, smirking. Jaehyun hoisted your leg up against his hip. His lips met yours now, hungrily, no script to lead the way. 

On the couch in Jaehyun's big New York apartment, you smirked down at him, stroking his chest. "How was that for seducing a man?" 

"Excellent work," Jaehyun said in mock-seriousness, trying not to look ridiculous despite still panting. "Highly commendable." 

“You know…” you said, nuzzling into his chest, “if you were so into me, why did you act like a jerk?” “I’m married,” he said.

 You felt a pang of disappointment.   

“Divorced, to be precise,” Jaehyun continued. “Eight years. She was my… my first.” He spoke into your hair now. “I didn’t know what to do with the way I felt about you. I know I’m just a fling to you, but-“ “You’re not,” you said, moving to meet his eyes. He was gnawing at his plump lip, and you smoothed your finger over it, stopping him. “The way I felt last night… let’s just say I don’t get that a lot.” Your voice dropped. “Or ever.” “Are you saying I’m the best you’ve ever had?” Jaehyun said, turning you around so he was hovering over you, wearing a smug smirk.

“You’re gonna have to work a lot harder to earn that title…” you said, fixing your fingers in his hair. 

-- 

The next day, when you returned to rehearsal, something had changed. “You- um, you first,” Jaehyun said, gesturing to the coffee pot. 

“No, really, you,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck. You had no idea how to act professionally now. Should you touch Jaehyun? Smile at him? Ignore him completely?  

You both broke out into laughter.  

When it came to that scene, however, you and Jaehyun fought the urge to rush to the end.  

"Does my gaze make you feel nothing - my touch - my kiss, blah blah blah..." you mumbled, then pulled Jaehyun towards you in a kiss that made you weak in the knees. 

A lot of the director’s throat-clearing later, Jaehyun finally prised you off him, and you stood next to each other. The spotlights were a little blurry – or was that your eyes?  

The director started a slow clap, his mouth ajar. 

"Will these two set the house on fire? I think so!" He walked towards you, lowering his voice. "But really, how did you do it? What's the secret?"

You grinned at Jaehyun. "We were just acting. That is, of course, what actors do." 

—     

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

#jaehyun #nct 127 #nct smut #nct fluff #jaehyun smut #nct imagines #kpop imagines #nct reactions #nct drabbles #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct suggestive #nct hard hours #nct angst #jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun #nct x reader #nct fanfiction #yoonoh smut #yoonoh

[hyuckssunchip]

Ugh, is it too much to ask him to be the father of my children?? 🥺

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct imagines #nct scenerios #nct drabbles #nct angst #nct smut #nct fluff #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #nct jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fluff #nct jaehyun angst #jaehyun angst #pre: jaehyun #fool sun

[psycheyn]

i've been busy with uni lately soooo...

sneak peek everyone?

#shea writes #take all the love—✧⁠*.⁠｡♡。 #nct drabbles #nct #nct 127 #nct scenarios #nct sneak peek #nct imagines #nct fic recs #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun angst #angst #angst prompt #nct angst #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun #nct jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun fics #jaehyun

[ah-ga-seven]

Fucking Up the Sheets | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Fem!reader x Jung Jaehyun

Word count: 2.8k

Genre: smut, slice of life, teeny tiny bit of angst, fluff

Summary/Warnings: nsfw, established relationship, soft dom!jae, mentions of overstimulation, choking and squirting.

Never in your life did you imagine reaching this level of domestic in your relationship with Jaehyun this fast and so naturally. You’ve been together for 4 years now. Both of your social circles have basically melted together, and the only place where you lived separate lives was at work, especially since you started living together not long ago.  

Your friends always warned you that the first few months of living together was going to be tough. You’d have to re-figure each other out and get past the tiny differences you didn’t know about yet. Living together would be nothing like staying over at each other’s’ place or going on vacations for that matter.  Because now…you had a household to maintain. As a team.  

But to be honest…things worked pretty fine?  

The only problem is that Jaehyun only knows how to vacuum and do the dishes. He does all the other ‘manly’ stuff. Like taking out the trash, carrying the groceries in and fixing a lightbulb when needed. Though there weren't many bulbs to replace in a new home in the first place...  

“Babe, when I get back from work can you please change the bed sheets. I didn’t have time.” You were running late for work, giving him a desperate look as you stood in the hallway, ready to leave with your car keys and big ass water bottle in your hands.  

He didn’t look up from his phone, pursing his lips together to show his dimples as he nodded. A low hum escaped his lips, letting you know that he heard you.  

You stood still for a second, knowing him well enough to know he probably half-heard you. But for the purpose of avoiding a fight you decided to just trust him for once and not nag for not listening to you because you didn’t know for sure that he didn’t.  

You were just going to have to put your faith in him for once. And hopefully when you got back…he did the damn thing.  

Your job had it out for you today.  

You mixed up a deadline which meant you had to stay later than usual to be able to make it work and now that it was 8 pm. You were exhausted, dehydrated and tense.  

You tried to relax your shoulders and cancel out the dull ache in your lower back from sitting at your desk all day, but it was of no use. It looks like Jaehyun would have to massage yet another knot out of your shoulders tonight.

The thought of seeing him after such a long day made a smile creep up on your face unknowingly. Ah, yes. Home. It really is where the heart is.

“Babe?” you called out for him once you entered the house and walked straight into your living and kitchen area. He spotted you from the couch and got up to greet you. You had a rather exhausted pout on your face which made him chuckle at your cuteness when you opened your arms for him. He embraced you tightly, which made your eyes close in solace for a second. Jaehyun planted a kiss atop of your head and let go after his hands traveled to your waist. “I got takeout. I’ll heat some up for you while you shower, okay?” he sweetly suggests as he ghosted his thumb over your frown.

You nodded with a content smile, unknitting your eyebrows for the first time in a while. Your well-deserved weekend could finally start, and all you wanted to do after your diner was climb into your warm, clean bed to binge your favorite show together, but when you got out of the shower and into your bedroom, your smile faded.  

Jaehyun hadn’t made the bed yet, and just like that your good mood was spoiled.  

You kick yourself for not making sure he fully heard you this morning when you asked him to put on fresh sheets.

You were more fired up than usual given todays events and angrily started to remove the pillowcases one by one, making your way to the end of the bed with annoyed stomps to start unbuttoning the duvet cover and just as you were about to pull it off, the door creaked open.  

“Food is rea…dy.”  

You hadn’t looked at him yet but the little pause in his sentence was a dead giveaway for the fact that he knew you were angry. And that he KNEW he was supposed to do what you were doing right now.  

So, he did hear you this morning.  

You turn around giving him an exhausted glare. “I thought I asked you to do this.” you say throwing one of the pillowcases right at him.

His eyebrows raised in surprise, swiftly catching the cotton cover before it could hit him in the face. “I….yeah. True.” he admits pursing his lips together to show his dimples.

You just stare back at him at a loss for words. The least he could say is “I was going to” or a “Yes, sorry, I forgot, I’ll do it right now.” But he just gave you a corny ass smile as he leaned on the doorpost. Well at least he wasn’t trying to gaslight you…but why was he looking at you look that?  

You sigh in defeat, crossing your arms over your chest to seem more intimidating “Jaehyun, for fucks sake please just-” he interrupted you. “Baby where are your clothes?” he bit his lip as he gave you a look up and down and that’s when it struck you that you were only wearing your panties since you just got out of the shower.  

You guess you got distracted by your unmade bed before you could even think of putting something on.  

“I-” you look down at your bare chest and up at him again. “Jaehyun. Stop. I’m serious. Nothing about the way we run this household right now is 50/50.”  

“Hmm.” He wasn’t hearing you. His senses completely numbed by the raging hormones coursing through his veins as he looked at you through hooded eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek, his mouth watering at the sight of your erect nipples accompanied by the remaining droplets of water from your shower that remained on your neck and chest like glistening crystals. Even after all these years you still had the same effect on him.

He closed the distance between you two, brushing your hair back as his other fingertips ghosted from your neck to your chest, clamping on of your nipples between his middle and index finger. You jolted from the sensation, his cold hands sending shivers down your spine. “Sorry baby…” he mused, planting a quick kiss to your lips. “I have to get used to having you around like this all the time…” he stopped his sentence, looking down at you in awe as he feathered his fingers down your stomach. “I’ll be better, I promise.” He whispered in your ear before biting your earlobe ever so softly, and without warning his hand disappeared into your underwear.  

You immediately felt your whole body relax as you held onto his shoulders for leverage. You were dumbfounded by how easy it was for him to completely manipulate you like that. So you knew you had to put your foot down and…and uhm… -  by now you felt his fingers on your clit – What were you saying again?  

A breathy moan escaped your lips as you throw your head back in bliss. His digits slowly but steadily rubbing circles against your most sensitive bundle of nerves. “Jae-” you whined, unable to think straight anymore. “Hmm?” he mused, adding a bit more pressure now, making you buck your hips forwards in his hold. His other arm wrapped around your waist from behind to hold you in place for what he was about to do next as he moved your panties aside. Jaehyun then expertly coated his middle and index finger with his saliva, giving you a devilish look as he slowly inserted his fingers into you.  

You gasped at the stretch, but fully gave in by now just because it felt too good not to. You huffed, trying to find inner strength to voice something other than your incoherent moans.  

“L-lets argue later.” You guffawed, making him shake his head at you. He smirked contently, continuing his ministrations inside of you. “Let’s not argue at all baby.”

Fuck it. He was right.

You pulled him in for a deeper kiss as he finger-fucked you; making him moan into your mouth at your sudden eagerness. The bass in his voice made your body react to him by tightening around his fingers which made him smile against your lips. He was keeping his pumping rhythm while prying your lips open with his tongue to slowly suck on yours and by now you were sopping wet down there. You could hear it.

“Come here.” He mumbled, bending down to lift you off of the floor. You locked your ankles around his hips as he carried you to the bed. Jaehyun proceeded to let go of you playfully which made your back bounce on the matress. You giggled, watching him get rid of his shirt and sweatpants while biting your lip. You propped yourself up on your elbows to see, ghosting your fingers over his chiseled abs and his happy trail as he situated himself on top of you. He was teasingly grinding his clothed core onto yours to demonstrate how he’d fuck you with just a bit more patience. Your wetness had stained his grey sweatpants which made a string of slurs and praises roll from his lips. “Always so eager and ready for me.” he mused ghosting his thumb over your clit once again.

You lost patience and with no time to waste you pulled him in for a heated kiss again as your hands fought with the waistband of his boxers. He quickly stepped out of them once they were at his ankles, and opened up your legs as he pushed your knees up to your chest. His semi hardness rested against your thigh and the sight had your mouth watering. You wanted to pump him, but he playfully swatted your hand away. “Not until I say so,” he says sternly as he pumps his own length slowly while remaining eye contact.  

Oh? Ok sir. Period.  

“Why?” you pouted.  

He softened seeing your cute facial expression, making him kiss your inner thigh lovingly in response.  

“Cause I’m not done playing with you yet…” he was lost in thought as he roughly grabbed a handful of your breast, squeezing it hard and letting go just to slap it even harder. He was watching it bounce up and down in awe of your perfect figure, licking his lips with a lustful glare. You gasped, the stinging being a mere distraction as you watch Jaehyun eye you like a hungry animal. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that?” he says squeezing both of your tits this time. You bashfully try to avoid his stare, but he grabbed your chin, making you look at him. “Eyes on me baby.” Fuck. You couldn’t help but obey given how hot he was right now. He moved down your body again, taking your panties off of you slowly just to dive into your folds with his face.  

It’s like he was starved as he ate your pussy, sensually curling, flicking and flattening his tongue against your folds and your clit in alternating motions. He had your eyes rolling back, as you grabbed fistfuls of his hair which he seemed to love, because you felt him smile against your nethers. The pleasure was making your body shock with every flick of his tongue, making you desperate for that real gush of release. “Shit. Jae, please let me cum, please, please, please!” you begged pathetically as you screwed your eyes shut. He hummed in response, but it went over your head since he never stopped his menacing dance around your clit. You kept begging as you rolled your hips against his face, making him fuck your entrance with his wet pointy tongue while his nose grazed over your clit ever so slightly. He noticed how tense you got as you tried to stop yourself from cumming just because you didn’t have his permission yet.

He eyed you as you tensed up, you were trying to move away from him but he held onto your forearms tightly, pulling you back down onto his face as he watched you slither underneath him. Now realizing what you were doing he stopped for a second, continuing to roll his thumb against your clit instead so he could speak without losing friction.

“You don’t have to ask today baby, it’s okay.” You nodded feverishly, your moans getting louder and louder as his mouth attached to your clit again. Sucking and flicking his tongue onto your clit directly this time and with a few more seconds he had your whole core shocking and trembling as you squirted all over him and the bed. “J-jae, oh my god, n-no!”  

Your waters coated his lips and face, making him lick his lips and wipe his chest as he pumped his length. A low chuckle escaped his lips seeing your fucked out state but with just seconds to recuperate and no warning he pushed his cock into you in one hard motion.  

You gasped loudly as all the air got knocked out of your lungs and continued to moan deliriously as he fucked you with long, deep strokes.  

“This pussy is mine.” he growled, making you nod feverishly. ‘Yours, daddy! Yours!” You shout.

He smirked contently at your words, and curled his hands around your thighs, pulling you closer so your knees would be at his sides before picking up the pace. Your slick was helping out with how pleasurable and effortless his thrusts were, but still you yearned for more.

You took his right hand off of your leg and mindlessly put it around your neck to show him you wanted to be choked without words, which had his eyes darken with lust even more. He smiled, leaning forward to sweetly kiss your forehead as he starting to tightly pinch the veins on both sides of your throat. He closed his eyes, relishing in how your core tightened around his dick almost instantaneously as a reaction to his actions. “Ahh…fuck baby…s-so tight..” It was getting harder for him to control his thrusts and moans already.  

You looked into his dark orbs as tears welled up in your own, cupping his face while nodding at him to make sure he knew to keep going. He slowed down, sensually fucking into you this time as you started to gasp for air and that’s when your second orgasm hit you unexpectedly. You cried out, feeling yourself squirt again as you came which had Jaehyun pull out of you and let go of your neck immediately just to cum on your tummy.  

“Fuck!” he was out of breath, his chest heaving up and down just like yours as you both gasped for air. His body was glistening with both his sweat and well, your squirt and you…you were just not on planet earth anymore.  

He leaned forward, pecking your neck, chin and lips before making you look at him. “Are you ok?”  

Jesus you were done for, but you gave him a nod and a thumbs up with all the strength you had left in you and rolled over to your side to close your legs and regulate your breathing.  

He chuckled lowly, giving you a second to breathe and collect yourself as he started to massage your thighs with soft pinches in hopes to release some of the ache. He knew he was hard on you, but he can’t help it. Something straight out animalistic awakens in him when the two of you are having sex. It was one of the things that kept your love life exciting even after 4 years of being together.

Jaehyun looked down at the sheets and himself, still high on dopamine and pride. His chest was wet, as were your thighs, and the sight was absolutely sinful. “You don’t squirt often but when you do….damn.” he mused in approval as he grabbed the nearest towel to pat himself dry.  You regained enough consciousness to realize what he was saying and looked down at him, yourself and the damn bed. “Oh my god. I’m sorry.”  

“Don’t apologize…it’s the hottest thing...ever.” he giggled cutely, making your heart swell at the sound. How is that the same man who just railed you into another universe?  

“I guess I can go back into that shower,” you mope.

“Yeah…let me join you.” He mumbled as he helped you up from the bed by pulling at your arm and that’s when you both felt the wet sheets.  

“…Aren’t you glad I didn’t make the bed now…otherwise it would’ve been all fucked up.” He says with a playful glint in his eyes, trying to hide the fact that the corners of his mouth were trying to curl up into a smile.  

You glared at him, pushing him away which made him laugh out loud as he stumbled a step back.  

“Oh, shut up.”  

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you.” He kissed your temple with a smile. “I’ll do it while you have your dinner. Alright?” he beamed at you so adorably that you couldn’t help but give in and nodded. “I love you too.” you say before placing a chaste kiss to his lips. “But first, let’s get cleaned up ourselves,” you say pulling him into the bathroom with you.  

[Masterlist]

#jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun scenarios #jung jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jung jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun fluff #jaehyun imagine #nct scenarios #nct hard hours #jaehyun hard hours #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fanfic

[taurusdaylight]

he fell first, and he fell harder

summary. jeong jaehyun really loves basketball. but also, he’s terribly in love with his childhood best friend of seventeen years, you.

pairing. basketball captain! jaehyun x fem! childhood best friend reader

genre. basketball captain! au, college! au, childhood best friends-to-lovers! au, slow burn, mutual pining, angst with fluff

word count. 18,705

warnings/tags. cursing, drinking, a few angsty moments of quarrelling :(, mentions of food, dual-pov, many many taylor swift references (especially from the lover album!!!) bc i am insane, a few of the other nct members make a cameo in this!

(long) a/n. did i expect the word count? no. i did not… but i’ll never let the jaehyun bolton agenda die down, so i’m immortalising it through my writing. i also don’t know how i’m able to churn out this many words but have trouble coming up with the title… but i thought it would be fitting! (my google doc title is literally “jaehyun bolton” …) this has bits and pieces of high school musical, the summer i turned pretty, and dear. m in it <3 don't usually capitalise my works because it's a bit of a hassle (i write on both mobile and laptop) but since this is a long fic i tried capitalising it... hopefully there aren't many errors lol. sorry for the long a/n but as always i hope you enjoy this~ pls lmk ur thoughts and if i missed out any warnings!!

–

“You coming to my game tomorrow?” Jaehyun asked, eyes not leaving his screen. 

Clad in a black hoodie, the Computer Science major had been working on his assignment for the past three hours. Cigarettes After Sex record on loop, it’s occasionally accompanied by his rapid, and sometimes, aggressive keyboard typing. Mumbles of apology follow after he thinks he’s being too disruptive, but you don’t pay any mind to it. 

You were on Jaehyun’s bed, begrudgingly watching your lecture that you’d missed on Monday because you slept through your alarm that morning. Alarms, to be exact. Your eyelids already felt heavy from listening to your professor drone on about how rain is formed. No offence to him, but you were simply taking this Geography module to clear your general education credits.

Jaehyun's voice shook you awake, even if it’s just by a little bit. Taking out one of your earbuds even though you’d already paused the video, you looked through the mental image of your calendar that you have in your head to see if you had anything planned for the next day, but nothing came to mind.

“Probably,” you shrugged. 

You’ve never been one to miss any of his games, so you most likely cleared your schedule for it already. Besides, it’s not like you could bring yourself to not watch his games in the first place, especially not when your childhood best friend slash neighbour is the star player of the school. Not forgetting that he’s also the captain of the basketball team who has led them to victory after victory through the years.  

Being in his life for more than a decade, you wanted nothing more than to be a part of every chapter of Jaehyun’s life, just as how he’s been there for yours.

An elated yes! sounds across the room, causing you to look at him weirdly. 

Jaehyun has this habit of saying something, and then getting distracted by something else even though only mere seconds have passed. When he eventually goes back to the topic, he doesn’t remember where to pick up from. 

“Sorry. Where was I?” Jaehyun finally turned his chair away from the computer, an indication that he was finally done with his assignment. Making eye contact with your best friend who’s now stretching his arms because he’d been sitting in the same position for a long period of time, you forced yourself to bite back a smile. There’s just something about having extensive knowledge about someone to the point that you’re able to predict their mannerisms. Completing their sentences, even.

“Your game,” you refreshed his bad memory, “I’ll be there.”

“Right,” he smiled. 

“Chinese takeout at my place afterwards?” Jaehyun confirmed, and you nodded excitedly in agreement before going back to your lecture.

Ever since Jaehyun started playing for the basketball team in high school, the two of you have made it a point to celebrate with each other by buying takeout from a Chinese restaurant within your neighbourhood. 

Don’t get Jaehyun wrong, he’s an extrovert who feeds off the energy that he receives from spending time with other people. It's just unfortunate that celebratory parties did the opposite, draining every bit of his remaining energy that he had left after a physically demanding game. 

Socialising skills thrown out of the window, he finds himself wanting to leave even though he’d only arrived at the party for a few minutes. Along with loud party music blasting from the speakers and getting squeezed by random bodies as he tries to make his way around the frat house, his discomfort multiplies tenfold. All he can think about is leaving. 

If Jaehyun had a choice, he’d choose not to show up at all, but that would be very rude of him. 

So instead, this is what he does: go to the party, strategically mingle around his teammates, and sometimes stick around for a round of beer pong to make it seem like he’s been really involved. By seven-thirty, he’ll be making his way back home to you, waiting for him with his favourite jjamppong. 

Of course, Jaehyun enjoyed partying with his teammates. In fact, he’s been through hell and back with them, so it would make the most sense to celebrate the team’s win together considering the amount of time and effort they’ve put in. It's just, Jaehyun loves spending time with you too. It’s as simple as that. Granted, you two practically see each other twenty-four seven. But could any measure of time with you be ever enough? He didn’t think so. 

It’s like how the two of you could have separately completed your schoolwork today. Yet, you spent the day together again, which proved that best friends truly didn’t always need a special reason to meet. That’s how things have been between the both of you, and how he intended to keep it.

Shuffled footsteps sounding across the room, Jaehyun walked over to his window to draw the blinds when he noticed that the sun had already started to set, letting some natural light into his room. He turned back, bemusingly shaking his head when his eyes landed on your lying figure. Making yourself comfortable on his bed and snuggling into his blanket, he reckoned that you’ve stopped paying attention to the lecture a long time ago. 

“Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Jaehyun turned off the air conditioner and record player, grabbing his phone and wallet from his desk before walking over to his bed. “Let’s get dinner.”

“I wasn’t sleeping!”

You sat up, glaring at Jaehyun because of his false accusation. An incredulous look on his face because of your reaction, he laughed at your poor attempt to fight back. Messy bed hair and tired eyes, anyone would have thought that you’d just woken up from a nap.

“And I’m not done yet, I still have ten minutes of the lecture left,” you informed him. But before you could resume your lecture, Jaehyun hurriedly closed the lid of your laptop, prying it out of your hands to leave it on his desk. 

“What was that for? I said I wasn't done.” You whined, his impatience starting to irk you. 

“The lecture is two hours long.”

“And?” you asked, not really seeing his point.

“And it’s been three hours!” Jaehyun stated matter-of-factly as though you weren’t aware. “If you actually paid attention, you’d be done by now.”

Your expression darkened at his words.

Now, you’re well aware of the fact that Jaehyun is a top student with multiple scholarships and stellar grades. He never fails to keep up with his weekly readings and always submits his assignments on time. Sometimes it's even submitted days prior to the actual deadline. Jaehyun's consistency is one of the many aspects that you greatly admire about him. Even so, it didn’t feel very nice to have him rub it into your face that he was more productive than you were, given that the both of you had the same duration to complete your individual tasks.

“You’re being very mean, Jaehyun.”

Pulling the blanket away from your body, you got up from his bed. “I may not be a genius like you, but at least I'm trying.” You avoided his eyes, not wanting to look at him in fear that you’ll start a petty argument with him over something so trivial. It's been a long day, so maybe you were being overly sensitive too.

“Hey,” Jaehyun extended a hand out to your forearm, gaze softening upon seeing how upset you looked. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that.”

“I–” his mouth closes, unable to find the right words to say. 

“Hey, you look tired. Let’s continue studying after dinner?”

Why didn’t he just say that from the start? It’s not even that difficult. He may not be the best with words, but he sure felt terrible for being the reason you’re upset. 

His grip on your arm tightened. “I’m sorry,” his voice resigned, Jaehyun apologised again. “Let's not fight over this, please?”

You removed Jaehyun’s hand from your arm, finally turning to look up at him. And there they were, the infamous puppy eyes he’d give you whenever he wanted to apologise or ask you for a favour. At that sight, you couldn’t help but let a tired sigh leave your lips. 

This is the Jaehyun that you’ve come to know. 

Treating everything as if it’s a competition. Too honest with his words. Impulsively saying his thoughts out loud without considering how others may interpret it, then realising that it’s too late to take back what he said if it ended up being too harsh. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because you could always depend on him to give you his truthful opinion without sugarcoating. He told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted to hear.

Nonetheless, it was also times like this that made you wish he’d think before he speaks. Although you were slightly offended by what he said, you also understood where he was coming from. He’s tired, you’re tired, and there’s no better time than now to take a break. 

“I accept your apology,” you said, moving to open his room door. “But dinner’s on you.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun responded almost instantly, going over to stand behind you. He placed two hands on your shoulders and started massaging them before saying, “I’ll get you caramel milk tea with pearls too.” And even though you were not facing him, you could already see his frown from earlier disappear. 

“With less ice and less sugar,” he added. 

You’ll be lying if hearing him repeat your bubble tea order perfectly didn’t bring a smile to your face, but Jeong Jaehyun shall not get the satisfaction of knowing that. 

–

You first met Jaehyun when you were five.

It was a Friday afternoon, and you were very excited because your mum promised that she would bring you to the neighbourhood playground. You were supposed to go on Monday, but it has been raining heavily so you had no choice but to (quite literally) take a rain check on that. And fortunately, the sun was finally out today, shining brighter than it ever did this past week. 

As a kid, the neighbourhood playground was one of your favourite places. Other than having different types of slides, there was also a suspended rope bridge that you’d occasionally go on if you were feeling slightly more adventurous that day. Mini tree houses situated along the bridge that basically acted as checkpoints for when you’re crossing the bridge, these tree houses were definitely one of your top spots too.

But that day, you were more interested in the sand play area that’s adjacent to the playground. With just two swings in the middle of the sand pit, it was comparably less fun than playing on the slides or going on the tree houses. Though, the fourteen-piece sand castle building set that your mom had recently bought you for your fifth birthday definitely proved otherwise. 

For as long as you could remember, visiting the neighbourhood playground had become a weekly occurrence. In the time you spent there, you always had this tendency to notice the other kids who sat around playing in the sand pit. While they were using a variety of tools to build sandcastles of various sizes and shapes, you could only watch them with envious eyes from the tree house. Your parents have always been very generous with buying you toys, so you didn’t want to come off as a spoiled brat by asking for more. Instead, you tried to enjoy your time there with all that you had. Playing catch with the other children, having a competition on who could go down the slide the fastest. It was enough to make you content. 

Luckily for you, however, your mum seemed to have caught onto the fact that you too wanted to try building sandcastles, thus buying you one of those sandcastle building sets. You recall unwrapping the gift, screaming in excitement and thanking her profusely by enveloping her into a bear hug and giving her multiple cheek kisses. 

With the toys laid out in the sand, you decided to start slow. 

Steadying the blue bucket against the sand, you used the shovel and filled it up to the brim, smoothing out the top surface until you were satisfied with it. You carefully tipped the bucket over such that the sand wouldn’t fall out, and silently prayed for the best as you slowly removed the bucket. 

“Mummy, look!”

A proud smile on your face, you eagerly pointed to the sandcastle that you’d successfully built on your first try. Seated on the bench diagonally opposite from where you were, she praised you for doing a good job and gave you a thumbs up.

This went on for about the next half an hour or so, as you tried to build as many sandcastles as you could, experimenting with the different toys that you had, even going so far as to smooth out any crevices that you spotted with your bare hands, not caring that the sand particles would dirty them. It was a pity that there was no one else at the playground because it would have been more fun if you had a companion, but this would do for now.

Blowing out your cheeks once you’ve completed your little ‘art project,’ you looked at it with a triumphant smile. Albeit simple, it was pretty decent for a first timer. Although you wanted to keep going, it was admittedly tiring and required a lot of concentration on your part. As such, you decided to call it a day. Cautiously moving the toys away so that you would not accidentally topple the sandcastles over, you started to pack up your things so that your mum didn’t have to wait once she came back from the restroom.

Only, crackles of footsteps over the fallen leaves caused you to cease your packing. Not-so-subtly turning behind to look for the source of the sound, you scratched your head in confusion when there was no one in sight. You shrugged it off, thinking that you misheard it and that it was probably the sound of the bushes rustling since it did become more windy over time. Picking up the plastic shovel, it was the last of your things that you were going to keep before leaving the playground. But just as you were about to put it together with the rest of your stuff, you heard a sniffle. It was silent for a few seconds, and the sniffling continued again. And again. 

It sounded like… someone was crying?

With the plastic shovel still in your hand, you took one step back, then two, trying to get as close as you could without making any noise. You wanted to wait until your mum returned, but curiosity got the better of you. It seemed alright to assess the situation first, since you just wanted to check out what the noise was about. 

Frankly, you had no idea why you were being so secretive, but perhaps it was because you didn’t want to alarm whoever was there. If they were already crying, you shouldn’t startle them any further, right? At least, that’s what you thought. Upon closer inspection, you realised that they were hiding behind the bushes, and all you could see were their shoes. It was mostly white, the familiar black swoosh logo imprinted on it.

Walk away and pretend you didn’t hear any of this. That thought came straight to your mind when you started to remember the terrifying stories that your parents told you in order to warn you about stranger danger. Your mum would be here soon, so it would be a good time for you to escape too. Just go back to packing your things, and everything will be okay.

But… that would be cruel, a small voice in your head insisted. 

No matter how apprehensive you were about this entire situation, a part of you did not want to leave the person alone, whoever they may be. Because you knew that if you were in their position and someone was nearby, you would want them to help you too. 

So, with hushed steps, you moved even closer to the bush, instinctively stretching out your hand that carried the shovel. You know, just in case you needed to use it as a weapon if you were attacked. You also made sure to not stray too far away from the sand playing area so that when your mum came back to the bench, you would still be in her line of sight. Turning at the corner so that you could finally take a look at the person behind the crying (and bushes), you slowly raised your arm down such that it was now resting against your side, your gaze fixed on the culprit.

There was a crying boy in front of you.

He had a bowl haircut and was wearing a white crew neck short sleeve t-shirt. He also had really chubby cheeks that resembled peaches. Not that it mattered, but it was one of the few things that caught your attention when you first saw him. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying, and he had yet to notice your presence yet, still huddled in the bushes. Every now and then, he’d wipe his tear-stained cheeks, but the tears just kept falling and falling like a waterfall. About half a head taller than you, he looked like one of those boys in your kindergarten, so you guessed that he was around your age too. 

Seeing as to how the crying boy was literally harmless, the paranoid feeling that you had from before dissipated completely. It was instead replaced by a sense of helplessness. You were usually a good problem solver, but you didn’t know what to do right now. Your parents often distracted you with a toy whenever you were crying, but what could you possibly offer to him when all you had was a silly plastic shovel that was dirtied with sand?

Still determined to make him feel better, you took a deep breath before walking up to the crying boy, two fingers timidly tapping on his shoulder. 

“I'm sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” You quickly apologised with both hands raised up defensively when the boy jolted upright, now looking straight at you with frightened eyes. So much for not wanting to scare him… You were going to be upset at yourself if you made him cry even more. 

When he didn’t respond and instead backed away from you, a pang of hurt washed over you. You genuinely didn’t have any ill intentions and just wanted to help him, why couldn’t he see that? What’s more, it wasn’t like you could physically take him down with your comparatively petite size. The only good thing was that he finally stopped crying, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe he was embarrassed by it.

Before you could let any irrational thoughts of leaving him alone consume you, you dared to take another step closer to him, gently placing a palm on his shoulder as assurance that you were not going to hurt him. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” you asked.

His shoulders immediately relaxed, but still, no words left his mouth for a few seconds.

“My grandma brought me to feed pigeons,” he explained, and you nodded, prompting him to continue. “But I got scared because a group of them suddenly came up to me. I could only think about running away, so that’s what I did,” he said in between hiccups. 

“I heard grandma calling for me, but I just wanted to get away from the birds so I ran all the way here and now I can’t find her.” Tears welling up at the mention of his grandma, you patted his shoulder in an attempt to console him. It was only then that you noticed bits and pieces of uneaten bread in one of his clutched palms. You felt really bad and wanted him to be back with his grandma, safe and sound.

“What's your name?”

You didn’t mean to bombard him with more questions, but surely, you couldn’t refer to him as crying bread boy, especially not if you were going to help him find his grandma.

“Jaehyun,” he answered. 

“Jaehyun,” you repeated after him, liking how it was a nice name to call out. At that, Jaehyun asked for your name, also repeating it after you told him.

Looking out in the distance, it was fortunate that you saw your mum walking back from the restroom, about to reach the bench that she’d been sitting on this whole time. You quickly turned back to Jaehyun, a comforting smile etched on your lips. 

“My mummy is there,” you gestured at her before continuing, “she’s really nice and will get you home safely to grandma, okay?”

He was silent again, and you wondered if he was doubting you or your intentions. Removing your hand from his shoulder, you grabbed his free hand, intertwining his pinkie with yours, “I promise.”

Jaehyun smiled for the first time ever since you saw him that day, deep dimples forming. “Thank you,” he inched forward, bent down to your eye level, and blew at your temple. “You got sand there. It’s gone now,” he said. You were slightly caught off guard by the close distance, but nevertheless thanked him. 

The focus was to find Jaehyun's grandma, you reminded yourself. Without wasting any second, you interlocked the rest of his fingers together with yours, running towards your mum, who had a surprised look on her face. With pursed lips, she still kept a polite smile, gaze shifting from you to Jaehyun as she patiently waited for you to introduce him to her. 

Doing the honour of telling her what happened so Jaehyun didn’t have to repeat himself, it turns out that you were right about your mum knowing what to do.

She revealed that the Jeong family actually moved into the empty apartment opposite yours just last week, and she had already met them when Jaehyun and his mum came over to give rice cakes as part of tradition. Due to it being a brief interaction and Jaehyun hiding behind his mum the whole time, that could be why he didn’t recognise your mum at first glance. He was apparently shy when it came to meeting new people, though, you’d like to think that he just enjoyed hiding behind people and things for no reason.

After you’ve gathered all your things, the three of you walked back to your apartment together. Sandwiched in between you and your mum, Jaehyun was holding onto both of your hands. You did not know how he was feeling on the inside, but you could visibly tell that he’d already calmed down.

On the way home, you and Jaehyun ended up talking with each other, pretty much like how you would in kindergarten when getting to know more about a new friend. You learnt that he does not like bright colours and prefers sticking to monochrome colours, his birthday falls on Valentine’s day, and that he’s living here for five years because of his dad’s job. Oh, he enjoys playing basketball too. 

The walk to your apartment proved to be faster than expected as you and Jaehyun continued chatting until you reached. The two of you were in your own world, neither of you noticing your mum smiling at how well the both of you got along. It was as if you’ve known each other your entire lives.

His frightened eyes resurfaced while waiting at his front door, certain that he was going to be reprimanded big time for recklessly running away like that. To his surprise, however, the door opened to his mum and grandma standing side by side, the both of them letting out a huge sigh of relief the moment they saw him, not a tinge of anger in their voice or face. Running into their embrace, he apologised for making them worried and promised not to do it ever again. 

Other than the few sand particles that stained his once pristine white tee (the culprit shall not be named), they were glad that he made his way back home safely with you and your mum’s help.

Like yin and yang, black and white, Jaehyun and you were two-halves, who by the roundabout way of fate, found your way to each other, complementing and contradicting every bit of your souls in an imperfectly perfect manner that was like no other.

And the rest was history.

–

It was the final game of the season, and also the last day of the junior year. Despite winning all of the previous games by a large margin, Jaehyun didn’t want to get too complacent and take it easy just yet, since they were up against one of the stronger teams today. After all, it was the finals that determined if they would become champion, and if there’s one thing that he learnt growing up, it’s that he should either go big or go home. In other words, it’s either champion or nothing. 

Both teams have already arrived at the stadium, now wrapping up their warm-up exercises and ball handling drills as the spectators started to fill up the seats. Out of habit, Jaehyun looked to a particular area in the audience that’s near his team’s benches.

You’ve always been Jaehyun's biggest supporter, not just in basketball, but throughout his life, ever since that fateful meeting.

At age ten, his world almost came crashing down when he thought that he’d have to fly back to the other side of the world since his father’s contract had ended. He couldn’t imagine not having you by his side, and Jaehyun did not want to bid farewell to you, not at that time, not ever. But life had a funny way of working out, because you still ended up being his neighbour when he went back to Seoul, both of you promising that you wouldn’t leave each other’s side.

Because if it weren’t for you, he’s positive that he wouldn’t have made it this far either. 

Sad to say, his biggest supporter also happened to have a frequent problem of tardiness. Reaching on time already proved to be a challenge for you, so Jaehyun’s not sure why he expected you to be early for his game. Although you promised him yesterday that you'd come watch him play, he couldn’t help but sulk in disappointment when he did not see the one person that he’s waiting for. 

“Don’t worry Cap, she’ll be here soon. You know how it is.” Feeling a bump against his shoulders, Jaehyun looked away from the audience and came face to face with his teammate, who shot him a reassuring smile. 

Mark Lee, Vice-captain of the basketball team, and also Jaehyun's ride or die. Meeting through basketball, they’ve been playing alongside each other ever since high school days. Mark was the next person that Jaehyun could comfortably confide in after you, and the closest thing that their bond could be likened to was that of biological brothers. 

Save for the celebratory after parties, a few spontaneous outings, and the several common classes that they shared, the two did not typically hang out together on the regular outside of basketball. Even so, having been a part of each other’s lives for so many years, it was not surprising that there’s still a mutual sense of understanding between them. Like how some things don’t need to be said aloud, and you’ll still get it. That was the nature of their friendship. Brotherhood, if you will.

And so, it was only a matter of time before Mark eventually latched onto Jaehyun's undying crush on his long-time childhood best friend of seventeen years, you. The way Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled at the mention of your name in conversations, how his jaw clenched at the sight of his teammates getting too chummy with you for his liking whenever you popped by his training sessions; Jaehyun was obviously not an expert at concealing his feelings for you. And as far as Mark's concerned, these feelings were definitely not platonic. 

Jaehyun awkwardly cleared his throat at Mark's words, going over to his team’s benches as if he wasn’t just caught red-handed looking for you in a sea of people. Having a crush in itself was already embarrassing, but it’s worse when other people are aware of it. Even though Jaehyun trusted that Mark isn't the type of person to expose him, it didn’t help that you and Mark were also friends, because the Mark that he knew could not keep a secret to save his life. Case in point: Mark accidentally adding Jaehyun to a group chat with the subject name: Captain’s Birthday Surprise Party.

Perhaps the least of his concerns as of this moment, but someday if Jaehyun ever decided to make his feelings known, he wanted you to hear it directly from him. 

“Jae!” 

Jaehyun snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice, standing up from the benches to look back at that one spot in the audience. Unable to hide his smile, he waved at you, chuckling at the raised banner in your hands that read: MY CAPTAIN ♡ #23.

Wearing the number 23 jersey came with great expectations, and even though Jaehyun was no Michael Jordan, he’d proven himself to be worthy of owning it. Carrying the burden of being the star player and team captain was not easy, to say the least, but Jaehyun was grateful that he has the support of his teammates, and most importantly, you. 

There were days in which he got really stressed out because of practice, venting to you about how he needed to stop shooting air balls when it was only days away from the competition. Or when Yuta, his teammate, continuously used illegal contact in spite of his instructions. He could not be emotionally charged when dealing with his teammates, so you were the only person that he could go to. 

Unlike him, however, you weren’t familiar with basketball so your responses often came in the form of understanding nods, a listening ear, and becoming a shoulder for him to lean on. 

And even that was enough for Jaehyun.

“You can do it!” 

Jaehyun thinks back to the time that you tried to cheer him up with encouraging words. It was one of those days in which he ended practice with a heavy mind, and he could only let it all out while ranting to you. 

“You’re Jeong Jaehyun, there’s literally nothing you can’t do. Troy Bolton?” you scoffed. “I’ve only ever heard of Jaehyun Bolton!” Jaehyun bursted into laughter the moment he heard that, visibly entertained by how you could come up with something so absurd yet hilarious. But just like magic, Jaehyun also felt a heavy weight lift off his shoulders at your affirmation.

“You’ll do just fine, Captain.” You gave him a comforting pat once he calmed down from laughing, adopting a more serious tone to let him know that you weren’t kidding about him doing well.

Even if it was a spur-in-the-moment kind of thing, it somehow aged really well, for Jeong Jaehyun has never lost a single game in his life, and he didn’t plan on losing any game in the near future. 

–

It’s the fourth and final quarter of the game. To be precise, it was down to the last two minutes.

Jaehyun’s team was playing offence, and even though they were in the lead, the opposing team was very close to catching up to their score. These two minutes were extremely crucial.

Eyes trained on the ball, Jaehyun watched Jungwoo dribble it, getting as close as he could to the three-point line. Except, Jungwoo struggled to do so because he was surrounded by the opposing team, which practically made it impossible for him to inch any closer. 

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

The referee blew the whistle, signalling for Jungwoo to hand the ball over to the opponent because he went past the five-second rule. 

Jungwoo wore a look of disappointment on his face, reluctantly passing the ball over. Jaehyun noticed this, and quickly jogged over to his teammate. “It’s okay,” he muttered, patting Jungwoo on the back. 

As the seconds went by, the opposing team passed the ball within their team, but never quite made it close to the scoring lines either, Yuta powerfully smacking the ball to block their advances. One of them continuously shouted at their teammate to shoot once there was an opportunity, but he didn't, and Jaehyun guessed it’s because it’s too far and risky a shot to take, especially with the clock ticking. 

Failing to make any further advances, they ended up losing their possession of the ball to Jaehyun's team. He signalled for Sungchan to take it, mentally formulating a strategy for him to get the ball over to their scoring zone smoothly. All of them exchanged glances with one another, collectively nodding after Jaehyun held up three fingers. 

After the whistle beeped, Sungchan wasted no time in passing the ball to Jungwoo before it could get intercepted. 

“Nice!” Jaehyun’s shout echoed, and he ran over to manoeuvre around the empty area just behind the three-point line of their scoring zone. 

They had sixty seconds left. 

Jungwoo was once again blocked, but unlike before, there was only one defender in front of him this time. Not expecting the ball to leave Sungchan’s hands so quickly, the other defenders were still running from the other side of the court, which gave him a bit of an advantage. 

“I'm free!” Mark called out, raising his hand to get Jungwoo’s attention. 

Jungwoo always played it safe, so he planned to dribble the ball to ensure that he could make a smooth pass to Mark. But dribbling the ball also made it easy for the defender to snatch the ball away, so he decided against it. 

Instead, he steadily raised the ball over his head as though he was about to do a shoulder pass to Mark, then waited for the defender to raise his arms knowing that he would try to smack it down. The second the defender’s hands were raised above his waist level, Jungwoo speedily brought the ball down, successfully bouncing the ball into Mark's hands.

Clearly outnumbered, the defender did not even try to stop Mark’s pass to Jaehyun. 

With the ball now in his possession, the entire stadium turned silent, suspense growing as all eyes fell on Jaehyun, waiting for him to take the shot. They’d already won the game, but it was still undeniably exhilarating to watch, considering that there were only eight seconds left until the game ended. Furthermore, it’s a three-pointer at stake here. 

It’s now or never. 

Jaehyun’s gaze was fixed on the hoop. Flashbacks of his air ball moments started playing in his mind, and he had to shake his head to physically clear out such thoughts. He exhaled deeply, the image of you with the banner that you probably stayed up to finish appearing instead, and he thought back to what you said to him before. No matter how ridiculous, he must admit that your words gave him a boost of confidence that faltered for a while when the opposing team kept scoring earlier. Positioning the ball over his head, he made a jump for it, effortlessly flicking the ball out of his palms… 

And he scores.

The crowd erupted in massive applause and loud cheers. Splashes of red, yellow, and white of the team’s flag colour decorated the entire stadium. Jaehyun’s teammates made a run for their captain, engulfing him in a group hug as they celebrated their victory. Before both teams returned to their benches, they lined up in a row for a handshake, mutters of good job and good game exchanged between players and coaches alike. 

As he did in every other game, Jaehyun returned to the benches and turned back to look at you. Even though most of the crowd already dispersed, you were still seated there, banner in hand. Pointing at it once again, you mouthed exactly what’s written on it, showing him a thumbs up. Grinning from ear to ear, he did not make any effort to hide his happiness.

Forget movies. If the multiverse was real, Jaehyun hoped there is a version where you become the Gabriella Montez to his Troy Bolton. 

–

Summer vacation rolled around soon enough, and before you knew it, you were sitting on the passenger seat of Jaehyun's car, buckling up your seatbelt while he started the engine.

You didn’t usually make any extravagant plans for summer vacation, but this year was slightly different in that both of your families decided to rent out a villa at Fluffel Heights. A three-hour drive away, it’s a small town located up north from your neighbourhood. It’s rare for everyone to be around, so this was the best time to spend the next three months together. 

You were supposed to set out at seven in the morning, but as always, you overslept again. Your parents left you a text saying they’d go over to check out the villa with Jaehyun's parents first, and that you and Jaehyun could come together later. Turns out, he also had difficulty getting out of bed because he was up all night gaming. By the time the both of you got ready, it was almost nearing noon.

“Wanna get Starbucks?” Jaehyun asked after keying in the address of the villa into his GPS. The shimmering heat of the sun tempted you to say yes, so the both of you stopped by to get drinks and snacks for the long ride. You decided to try an iced shaken tea with lemonade that’s new on the menu, while Jaehyun got his usual iced americano.

The first two hours went by quickly with you and Jaehyun screaming out the lyrics to your favourite songs at the top of your lungs. You rolled down the windows too, relishing in the pleasant feeling of the refreshing summer breeze brushing against your skin. 

Before the trip, Jaehyun came up with a brilliant idea of creating a shared road trip playlist together. Your music tastes were similar to each other, so it was easy to add songs that both of you would definitely enjoy. Titled I got my driver’s licence last week, the playlist ended up being five hours and seventeen minutes long, with almost a hundred songs in it. 

Every now and then, Jaehyun would glance over to you with a questioning look on his face whenever one of Taylor Swift’s songs came on. He was not an avid listener of her songs, but he might as well be, from all the times you recommended her songs to him. Your obsession wasn’t something new to him, but he didn’t realise how most of the songs that you added into the playlist were hers until now. 

“At this point, you should just play her entire discography,” he said, sighing. It was only five seconds into the song, but he was already able to recognise it because of how often you listened to it.

“But it's cruel summer!” you retorted back, feeding him a biscuit since his hands were on the steering wheel. “The title has the word ‘summer’ in it, so I had to add it in.” Jaehyun chuckled at your reasoning, but eventually gave in and sang along with you too. How could he not? He practically has the lyrics memorised all because of you.

The singing continued for the rest of the drive, but it wasn’t long before you got tired, simply sitting in your seat and bopping your head to the songs. Jaehyun also quietened down, eyes focused on the road since he’s taking an entirely new route that’s foreign to him. The songs were not as upbeat as before, and you found yourself dozing off every few minutes, the air conditioning making you even sleepier. Eyes shut, Jaehyun’s voice was the last thing that you heard before you completely drifted off to sleep, but you didn’t catch what he said to you. 

–

“… Mum said there’s a bowling alley at the country club. Let’s go there tonight?” 

Jaehyun’s eyes were still focused on the road, patiently waiting for your response. However, there was nothing except music playing from his speakers, making him tilt his head quizzically. Were you even listening to him?

Jaehyun briefly turned to your direction, and he felt a smile creeping up on his face once he saw you. Phone clutched in your hand, you’d fallen asleep, head dangerously close to hitting against his car window. He’d always known that you would end up falling asleep if you had to travel for more than two hours, but he still found it amusing whenever he caught you doing that.

Shifting his attention back to the road, he continued driving until he exited the expressway, finding a suitable spot for him to stop the car by the side of the road. He reached over to the backseat to get his pillow, carefully positioning it between your head and the window so as to not wake you from your slumber. He also took the spare hoodie that he left in his car to cover over your body as a makeshift blanket. 

Before leaning back into his seat, Jaehyun took in the sight of your sleeping figure for another time, and it took everything in him to not press a kiss against your cheek. 

These days, he’s finding it increasingly difficult to be around you, for the sole reason that your presence made it feel as though his heart was going to burst out of his chest. As much as he likes you, he didn’t know how much longer he could hide his feelings. He’s been doing well all these years, so why now? 

Perhaps it’s because the topic of relationships has started to come up more in your recent conversations with him. Expressing your concern about not being able to find the one, you told him that maybe you should be more serious about your love life and actually put yourself out on the market. He laughed it off and told you that it wasn’t something that you had to worry about, but deep down, it awakened the unmistakable feelings of panic and jealousy in him. That someday, you’ll be with someone who’s not him. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’ll do when that happens. 

It was ironic, really. 

A part of him wanted to muster up the courage to shoot his shot. It’s risky, but even if he missed, at least he tried and wouldn’t be left with any regret. At the same time, however, the thought of potentially destroying your friendship outweighed everything else, and it would be selfish of him to prioritise his feelings over what the both of you have built together over the years. 

“Yuno,” you called out, breaking Jaehyun out of his thoughts. 

He looked at you, surprised, since you didn’t usually call him that. In fact, you’re the only person who ever calls him that. He leaned in closer to hear you properly, but he’s unable to make out your incoherent mumbles. He sighed, not knowing what to do with you, or more specifically, his feelings for you. But before he could let his thoughts of you consume him again, he started the engine and continued the drive to the villa. Because if there’s one thing that Jaehyun’s good at, it’s pretending.

Jaehyun pretends to be unaffected each time you have a new eye candy in school, when on the inside, he secretly hoped that it won’t progress to anything beyond that. He pretends that you’re not the reason for his past breakups because he always saw glimpses of you in every single one of his dating partners. But most of all, he pretends that he cares and looks out for you in the name of being your best friend, when in reality, it is the only way he can be affectionate with you like lovers do.

Jaehyun guessed the bowling alley could wait. After all, he has the entire summer with you.

–

Summer isn’t summer if you didn’t visit the beach, so that’s where you and Jaehyun went today. Except, it was apparent that the two of you had very different ideas about what to do at the beach.

“You’re not seriously reading a book at the beach.” Jaehyun stared at you with judgmental eyes.

You glanced up at Jaehyun, ignoring how he looked almost offended before flipping over to the next page. “I’m on the last chapter.” 

Jaehyun took the empty spot next to you under the shade, attempting to snatch the book out of your hands, but to no avail as you turned your body away from him. “Stop it. We can do whatever you want later, let me finish this first.” 

“We don’t have all day,” he grumbled. 

In spite of his complaints, Jaehyun obediently sat there while he waited for you to finish the novel. Soon he got bored and started to pick out the seashells that were scattered across the sand, gathering them in the palm of his hand. Since he didn’t move beyond the shade, you tried your best to not get distracted by his movements, until he moved back to his original spot, calling for your attention to show you the seashells that he’d collected.

“This one’s pretty,” you pointed at one of the seashells that took on the shape of a traditional hand fan.  

“Right?” Jaehyun took the seashell that you picked out, leaning in closer to you. 

You backed away instinctively. “What are you doing?”

He wordlessly raised the seashell, holding it up to your ear. “Just listen.”

You could hear the afternoon waves crawling gently to the shore, the metramonic lulling making you feel like you were sitting by the water there and then, even though you were relatively far away from the edge of the water. Eyes widened, you looked over at Jaehyun in fascination, amazed by how such a phenomenon was possible. 

“I know,” he said, as though he could read your mind. 

After what felt like hours to Jaehyun, you were finally done with your book. He didn’t want to waste any more time and practically dragged you along with him. 

The both of you tried standup paddleboarding for a few hours, but it always ended with Jaehyun laughing at you whenever you lost your balance. Too bad for you, your best friend was a natural at sports, so you couldn’t poke fun at him the same way he did to you, and the best you could do was shoot daggers at him. 

You thought that the both of you would return to the villa after that as you and Jaehyun took a slow stroll along the beach, leaving your footprints along the trail. That is, until Jaehyun suddenly carried you up in one swift movement when you weren’t paying attention to him, and the next thing you knew, you were in the water. 

“Jeong Yuno!”

You shouted at him once you got up from the water surface, raking your fingers through your hair to get it out of your face. 

Jaehyun stuck his tongue out. “Come and get me if you can!”

“Oh, I will.” You took large strides towards the shore, determined to drag Jaehyun into the water too. He wasn’t really making a run for it, and that spurred you on to go faster, making it far enough to be just an arm’s length away from him.

Before you could reach out to grab him, however, your foot came into contact with something sharp and hard, causing you to let out a loud shriek. You didn’t know what you stepped on, but it was so painful that you could feel your legs giving up on you. Closing your eyes as though it would cushion the impact of the fall, you were surprised to feel an arm wrapped around your waist instead. You slowly opened your eyes, only to come face to face with Jaehyun. Eyebrows drawn together, his concerned eyes glazed over yours to check if you were okay.

“Be careful, will you?” Jaehyun murmured. “You’re always making me worried for no reason.” You swallowed hard, trying your hardest to feign ignorance at how his body was pressing against yours, so close that even the thin piece of cloth separating your bodies didn’t stop you from being able to feel the outline of his well-defined abs.

You looked away from him for a moment to recollect yourself, and that seemed to make Jaehyun think that you got hurt somewhere else. Letting go of your waist, Jaehyun bent down in an attempt to check on your supposedly injured foot. A mistake on his part, it seemed, Jaehyun was caught off guard and hastily pushed into the water seconds later.

You smiled in victory, bursting into fits of laughter once you saw Jaehyun’s priceless face. “Gotcha!”

–

In retrospect, maybe Jaehyun should have insisted on going to the bowling alley with you the first night you two reached the villa.

Six weeks into summer vacation, his extended family were invited over for an impromptu poolside party since they happened to be around the area. They were too tired to drive back by the time the party ended, so they crashed in the villa for the night. But one night turned into two, and they eventually decided to spend the entire summer here too.

And the thought of it was enough to make him clench his fist in anger.

It’s not that he hated them. Their families were pretty close, so this arrangement was not something out of the blue. But with them around, Jaehyun could hardly spend a moment with you in peace. Not just that, there’s been days in which Jaehyun woke up to texts of you cancelling plans, and he didn’t even know where you wandered off to.

It’s true that you and Jaehyun had the opportunity to explore different places of interest around the town. From paddleboarding at the beach to renting bicycles at the park, he has had his fair share of quality time with you to try out new activities you haven’t done together before. Minus the bowling alley, of course, because it somehow slipped Jaehyun's mind.

Still, no amount of time spent with you would ever be enough for him.

Ever since his extended family joined, you’ve been around his cousin a lot more than he’d liked. To make things worse, his cousin did not have a very good concept of personal space either. Catching his incessant touches on your arm or shoulder, Jaehyun was unable to suppress the green-eyed monster in him.

Johnny Suh was a little bit of a handful. 

Notorious for his reputation as a player who changes his significant other every two weeks, you’re someone that Jaehyun would never let him get close to, even if Johnny was the last person left on earth. If he had to be honest, he wasn’t even sure if those people were even significant enough to be called his significant other, but that’s beside the point. The point was that his efforts were proven to be futile, especially from the way that you didn’t mind how Johnny has his arm around your shoulder, giggling at the sweet nothings that he whispered in your ear.

Jaehyun wasn’t used to any of this. He recalls a conversation he had with you in the kitchen where he tried warning you about Johnny, but it was apparent that his words fell on deaf ears. 

“He’s just being friendly,” you said, and Jaehyun had to physically hold himself back from letting out another sigh. 

For the lack of a better word, he thought that you were being really stupid. You might not have had much experience in the dating scene, but surely, you’ve spotted Johnny flirting with random strangers at the country club before. Even if you didn’t personally witness it with your eyes, you must have at least heard him flirting with people over the phone. That should’ve been sufficient for you to see that Johnny wasn’t serious about you.

“He's my cousin, I'm sure I know him better than you do,” Jaehyun retaliated. Why were you being so stubborn? It was not like you at all.

“Okay and?”

You kept your phone in your pocket and looked up at him, rolling your eyes. “Do you want an award for that? Why must you consistently prove that you’re better than me?”

Jaehyun scoffed, unable to believe the words coming out of your mouth. Turning off the tap, the kitchen was filled with the clanging sound of Jaehyun angrily placing the washed plates and mugs back into the dish holder. “Is that what you really think of me? A competitive asshole? After all these years we’ve spent together, that’s all you have to say about me?”

You fell silent. Regret instantly showed in your eyes, and even Jaehyun knew that you only said it in the heat of the moment, but it was still hurtful. He hated this. It was inevitable for arguments to arise in friendships, but lately, that was all the both of you did. Argue. And it was always over Johnny. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Jaehyun spoke again, back leaning against the kitchen counter as he turned to face you.

“I wouldn’t be saying all of this if I didn't care about you.” His tone was much gentler than before, because honestly, he didn’t have it in him to stay mad at you too. “I’m just looking out for you, as a friend.”

A friend, he said.

“Then as my friend, can’t you be happy for me?” Jaehyun felt the touch of your hand over his, your gazes locked. “You know better than anyone how much this means to me, so can’t you let me have it?”

He can’t. 

More than anyone, Jaehyun wished for your happiness. But he also wished that you could see where he’s coming from. It goes without saying that he’ll be happy for you if you found someone, but Johnny is really not who you think he is, and definitely not the one for you.

Jaehyun pulled his hand away, causing you to take a step back at how cold he was acting. It was evident that he’d given up and didn’t want to continue the conversation. Because to him, there was no point in talking if you were not going to listen to him. Body turned towards the door, he slowly made his way out of the kitchen.

“Jae, about earlier, I–”

“Save it.” His footsteps came to a halt, but Jaehyun did not even bother turning back to spare you a single glance. It was awful that he cut you off, but it couldn’t possibly compare to what he said next, the words cutting right through your heart.

“Just don’t come crying to me later on.” 

Looking back, Jaehyun wished he could turn back time because he’s sorry for being so harsh towards you, for unintentionally starting a cold war. Other than greeting each other when your parents were around, it really killed him that you barely spoke to him. 

It killed him even more right now to see you by Johnny's side, affectionately leaning into his touch. And because ignorance is bliss, Jaehyun averted his eyes right before you pressed your lips against Johnny’s, hiding behind a corner where he faded away with the rest of the world that no longer seemed to have you in it.

–  

In the course of your friendship, Jaehyun was always the first to reach out to you, attempting to patch things up whenever the two of you fought, taking the blame even if it wasn’t entirely his fault. And while you acknowledge how unfair it is to him, you could never find the right words to say to him, and by the time you figure it out, he’d have beaten you to it. Of course, you would admit that you were also in the wrong, but it still feels bad that he’s constantly the one giving in to you.

This time, however, you were convinced that he did not want anything to do with you anymore. 

It’s been almost two weeks since the two of you argued, but Jaehyun has yet to approach you. Considering how your previous fights never lasted for more than a week, you wondered if the friendship could still be salvaged. 

In an attempt to clear your mind, you decided to go out to get some fresh air. So here you were, sitting on a swing in the park. And even though it’s not the same, it reminded you of the neighbourhood playground that you and Jaehyun always went to when you were much younger. Gone were the carefree times where the only thing the both of you worried about was how you were going to talk the adults into letting you play a little longer before going home. 

You think you miss Jaehyun a little more than you usually do today.

Maybe it’s a sign for you to reach out and apologise first. It’s just two simple words, and Jaehyun has said it to you so many times before, so there’s no reason that you couldn’t do it. But admitting to your wrongs is always a difficult thing to do, even if it’s your best friend that you’re being honest and vulnerable with. Or rather, because he’s your best friend, all the more it makes it harder for you to swallow your pride, because he was right about Johnny after all. 

True to Jaehyun’s words, you were nothing more than a side piece to Johnny. Coming and leaving as he pleased, your iMessage conversation with Johnny was increasingly filled with blue speech bubbles only. Even if he did text back, his responses were often one-word replies or things that were difficult to reply to, as if his intention was to end the conversation there and then.

It was not a nice feeling at all. 

Although things between the both of you have ended, thoughts about Johnny didn’t fail to make you tear up.

You hated how desperate you were during that time, shredding every piece of dignity you had in you to hold onto Johnny in hopes that he would do the same too. Spending most of his time on his phone instead of sparing you his attention, cutting short your hangouts, openly flirting with other girls in your presence; you still decided to put your trust in Johnny and ignored all these signs that blatantly presented themselves to you. 

Why? Because he was the first ever person that made you feel like you’d be able to experience the love that you always dreamed about. It would be too far a reach to say that he was your first love, but he was undoubtedly the first person to ever make you have feelings you didn’t know you had, both good and bad. The last straw was him accidentally calling you by another name, and you weren’t sure how you were supposed to end something that never really started, but you did by deleting every trace of Johnny in your phone. And eventually, your life. It was a difficult step, but one you had to take.

Never mind that your first experience with the closest resemblance to love was agonising, you were also on the brink of losing your best friend that you’ve practically known your entire life. You went from seeing him every day to almost forgetting how his voice sounded, as though a part of your soul had been taken away from you. You don’t know why you quarrelled with Jaehyun. It was not worth it though, that much you’d know.  

Gaze fixated on a little girl and boy playing on the see-saw, the feelings of despair grew stronger, and the sight of them made your heart clench. It’s not fair, the way everything reminded you of him. You tried to push the thoughts of him to the back of your mind to convince yourself that you didn’t care about him, but the tear that escaped your eye betrayed you.

If only you had listened to him then.

–

“I’ll be at the balcony. Call me if you need anything!”

Your dad hummed in response, momentarily looking up at you walking up the stairs before returning his attention to the barbeque pit, entirely focused on grilling the meat.

Summer was about to come to an end, and so was your stay at the villa. By the courtesy of Jaehyun’s and your parents who thought that it’ll be a good way to end the vacation with a barbeque party, they’ve been planning it together over the past few weeks. As opposed to you and Jaehyun who were still not on talking terms, it’s unfortunate that you didn’t manage to find an opportunity to properly apologise to Jaehyun. He was avoiding you, it seemed, from the way he’d devour his meal within minutes and return to his room, door shut and locked. There was never a chance for you to approach him, and soon you gave up even trying knowing that it would be a waste of your time. You didn’t want to ruin the party tonight knowing how much planning went into it, so you tried not to think too much about Jaehyun too.

The balcony had a splendid view that oversaw the small town; it was especially pretty when the sun set and rose. You’d accidentally discovered it a few days ago when a bird flew to the balcony railing, its loud chirps waking you up from your sleep. Groggily getting up to chase the bird away, you noticed how the morning sun was situated perfectly on the horizon. Its bright orange hue unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, the small town came to life during those few blissful minutes. 

Not wanting to miss the last sunset before you left the villa, you made sure to check the sunset time and even set an alarm for it. Today, the cloud cover was more extensive, which provided a beautiful contrast to the pinkish hues that splattered across the sky. As you took in the scenic landscape in front of you, you were in awe of how fast the colours changed even if you looked away only for a few minutes, very much like how fast the entire summer went by. 

“Mind if I join?”

Your solitude gets interrupted by a voice, and you almost jumped because of the sudden intrusion. But the moment it hit you, whose voice it was, it was your heart that really almost jumped. 

“Sure.” You pondered if you should turn behind. You don’t know how you’d react, seeing him again after such a long time, even though you’ve been meaning to see him because you only caught him whenever he passed by the hallway over the past few days. Not to mention, these rare sightings were extremely short-lived too. His voice alone was enough to make you break. Jaehyun eventually put an end to your dilemma by standing next to you, his arms crossed, elbows resting against the railing.

You felt like exploding.

You sneaked a peek at Jaehyun through your peripheral vision. He was wearing a plain black tee, which was basically what he wore every other day, and somehow you find yourself missing the sight of him appearing in the same few clothes that he owned. A small smile was playing on his lips as he looked over the horizon, and you thought about how if it wasn’t for the ongoing cold war between the both of you, this would have been an adorable moment that you shared together – watching the sunset. 

“It's so beautiful,” Jaehyun mused, and only when he spoke did you catch a whiff of alcohol on his breath.

“Have you been drinking?”

Voice laced with concern, you turned to him fully this time, getting a clearer view of his face. While his cheeks were not tinted red, his droopy eyes definitely gave it away. You didn’t even have to hear his reply to know the answer to your question. 

A lazy smile formed on his face, dimples peeking out. “Just a few glasses,” he said, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. It almost took you back to the day at the beach.

Jaehyun rested his chin on your shoulder, caging your small frame in his arms. You were taken aback by the sudden physical intimacy, considering how he’d not looked you in the eye for more than five seconds since the argument broke out. You’re not sure if it’s because of the close proximity or because he’d been drinking, but it was tremendously warm, and you could feel your body heating up too. It was warm in a good way, however, and because you couldn’t deny that you missed your best friend dearly, you returned the hug too. 

Jaehyun called your name, pulling away from the hug first. Staring deeply like this into his honey brown eyes is akin to the feeling of putting on your favourite cardigan, and it makes you realise just how much you missed him, his hugs, and everything else about him. 

“I missed you,” Jaehyun mumbled, his voice low. And if it weren’t for the fact that his face was just inches away from yours, you would’ve missed what he said. What struck you more was how he verbalised exactly what you were thinking of at that moment, even more so knowing that it wasn’t typical of Jaehyun to say such things.

You leaned back slightly, slowly letting go of him. “You’re drunk, Jaehyun.”

“So I can’t miss you when I’m drunk?” he challenged, pulling you even closer to him. His gaze on you didn’t falter, and the intensity of it made you want to scream; he has never looked at you like that before.

“No,” you muttered, “but you don’t usually act like that.”

“What if I want to?”

He was genuinely making you puzzled. “Huh?”

“What if I want to be this close to you all the time?” 

You let out a harsh breath at his words, trying to break free of his hold. “Let’s talk when you’re sober.”

A mirthless laugh escaped Jaehyun’s lips, your response making him look away for a moment before turning back to you. “I have a high tolerance. You know I never get drunk.” 

His hands were no longer around your waist, and you wondered if something happened for him to behave this way. You didn’t even understand the hidden layers of meaning behind his words, but it wasn’t something you wanted to think about when the both of you have yet to resolve your previous argument. If anything, he was confusing you even more with his words and actions.

“We should talk about this another time,” you insisted.

“No,” Jaehyun protested, bringing a hand up to tuck away stray pieces of hair behind your ear. You felt small under his gaze, shy because of his affectionate gestures. At a loss of words, it was difficult for you to predict where this was heading, but you prayed that it wouldn’t end up in another argument. A brief silence took over as neither of you said anything, until you noticed his eyes trailing down to your lips. 

“I want to kiss you so bad.”

“Jaehyun,” you gasped in shock. You put your hand on his chest to push him away, withdrawing it as soon as there was a considerable amount of space between you two.

“Don’t say such things when you’re not in the right state of mind.” Even though those words were meant for Jaehyun, it felt as though you were trying to convince yourself instead. That your best friend definitely didn’t see you in that way, and that it was just the alcohol talking. Yet, as you watched how the smile on his face fell when you pushed him away, it was getting harder to convince yourself otherwise.

“But I do,” he said, eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort before carefully taking a step closer to bring you into a hug again, your forehead resting against his chest. “I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But I really want to kiss you. On the lips.” 

You immediately shook your head. “We can’t.”

“Why? Is it because of Johnny?” Jaehyun questioned, the pain in his voice went unhidden. 

“I’ve ended things with Johnny,” you clarified quickly, and for some reason it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would, admitting that to Jaehyun. 

“Then why can’t we kiss?”

You blew out your cheeks, dumbfounded at how he was asking the obvious. “Because best friends are not supposed to kiss each other.” 

“You’re not just a best friend to me,” he stated. 

“Jaehyun, don’t do this.” You huffed, frustratedly cutting in before he could continue as you did not anticipate his confession. 

But he’d only moved his hand up, holding you in place through the form of gentle pats on your head, like he was silently telling you to listen to what he had to say. Knowing that this was going to come up again even if you avoided it now, you decided to give in, leaning into his warmth. Once he felt you relax, Jaehyun drew in a long breath before speaking again. 

“I like you so much,” Jaehyun started, the sense of resignation embedded within his confession so apparent that it made you curious just how long he’d been bottling this up for. “I really like you so much, I think it might even be love.” He repeated, as though you didn’t hear him right the first time. And if his words made your heart flutter, you pretended that it didn’t, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to feel how fast your heart was racing.

“But I knew it was wrong to have romantic feelings for my best friend. I wasn’t going to jeopardise our friendship, so I did everything I could to get rid of them. Told myself it was just a phase, and even started dating around,” Jaehyun continued. 

“It didn’t work, obviously,” he chuckled bitterly. “I ended up liking you more and more every day, I thought I was going crazy. For a while, it was easy for me to just ignore my feelings,” he hesitated for a moment before resuming.

“Until Johnny came into the picture.” 

You were steeped in guilt, grateful that your face was buried in Jaehyun’s chest. 

“I hated that you dropped me to be with him. Fuck, it hurt me so much to see the two of you doing things I’ve always longed to do with you. It’s true that he’s a player but all I wanted was to be selfish and keep you for myself. I felt stupid and sorry for not being to able to stop you from getting hurt, because that’s not how you’d protect someone you like.” 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault for not listening,” you murmured. While you didn’t want to ruin the moment, you thought it was important to let Jaehyun know that getting involved with Johnny was solely your decision, and that it wasn’t something he could take the blame for even if he wanted to. It was also part of what you’ve been wanting to tell him in the few times that you attempted to approach him. 

Jaehyun tenderly threaded his hand through your hair upon hearing your apology, but neither accepted nor rejected it. “I know it’s unfair of me to suddenly dump all of this on you, but I can’t hold it in anymore. You don’t have to do anything about it, I just wanted to let you know that…” He huffed, “I really, really, really, like you a lot… Buttercup.” 

Buttercup. 

Hearing that nickname aroused unexplainable feelings within you, partly because Jaehyun didn’t call you that often. It was an inside joke that started in middle school, when you told him that Buttercup was your favourite Powerpuff Girl character because you found her really cool. Mischievous since young, Jaehyun responded by saying that it was really fitting because the two of you shared the same grouchy face, especially on early mornings when you had to wake up for school. He never stopped teasing you since then and would call you that whenever an opportunity arises. 

This time, however, there was a hint of adoration behind the nickname that was definitely far from concealed. And you don’t think you want Jaehyun to stop calling you that. 

You felt Jaehyun press a soft kiss to the crown of your head, rendering you speechless because it made you forget what you wanted to say to him. It was too late, by the time you fully processed what had happened, for Jaehyun had already walked away, leaving you alone on the balcony just as you were waiting for the sunset earlier.

Only, the sun had already gone down. You couldn’t even find it in yourself to bask in the lovely afterglow that painted the sky when all you could focus on was the darkness surrounding it. 

It was indeed a cruel summer. 

– 

“Dude, so you just walked away after pouring your heart out to her? And the kiss. Dude, I really thought you would’ve gone for her lips!” 

Jaehyun almost spat out his food at Mark’s exclamation, not expecting the younger boy to raise his voice. Jaehyun’s eyes rapidly scanned the cafeteria to see if anyone heard him, and was relieved to see that they were busily engaged with their conversations to catch what Mark said. 

“Not loud enough, Mark. You should just announce it through the PA system and make sure even people in the Design School can hear you,” Jaehyun scowled at Mark, causing him to quickly apologise with a sheepish smile. 

The Design School was located on the other end of the campus from where they were, so Jaehyun probably wouldn’t have the cheek to turn up for classes if they could actually hear him. Though, Mark technically couldn’t be blamed for being so excited, since it’s not every day that he got an update on his close friend’s love life. He’d been invested in this for years. 

“But to answer your question, yeah. I’ve been avoiding her because I don’t know what else I should do,” Jaehyun said, mindlessly using his fork to play with his food instead of putting it into his mouth. He didn’t have much of an appetite. He didn’t even feel like he deserved to eat after what he pulled. Still, he had to get something into his system, because if not, there was no way he would survive afternoon practice later.

“Oh man,” Mark said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. “She probably feels like shit though,” he added, his eyes widening immediately after realising the implication of his words. 

“Not saying you don’t feel like shit too, but you know, like, getting ignored after all that. I’d be bat shit confused,” he attempted to clear up. 

It’s occasionally difficult to comprehend Mark’s words because he speaks in the same way that he thinks, as though he’s still trying to piece his thoughts together, but Jaehyun knew what he was trying to get at. Mark did have a point, however. A point that, as Mark put it, made Jaehyun feel like shit. He knew better than anyone that it was wrong of him to leave you hanging without an explanation of any sort. 

“So you think I should approach her first?” 

Mark shook his head. “It’s not up to me to tell you what to do,” he replied, scraping up the remaining few bits of his food before taking a spoonful of it. “Just think that at the end of the day, you should follow your heart. Put aside the whole friends since childhood thing. There’s no way things would go back to how they were anyway.”

If you told Jaehyun five years ago that he’d be receiving advice on his love life from Mark, he’d probably laugh at you until he had tears in his eyes. Mark wasn’t a bad adviser, per se, and he could trust Mark to be a hundred percent honest with him. Jaehyun simply found the entire situation laughable, how it’d all come down to this. 

Following his heart… Jaehyun couldn’t do that easily, especially not when it’s something that he’d been trying to hold himself back from doing all these years. He always had to think logically and thoroughly consider what would happen to your friendship if he decided to act upon his feelings – and all the possible outcomes that came up in his head often didn’t end well. Following his heart? It was much easier to follow his head. It was already unsettling enough that he was so open and vulnerable with you about his feelings given that he rarely showed that side of himself to you, or anyone else for that matter. Coupled with that, is the difficulty of casually slotting himself back into your life to talk about what had happened; it’s not as if he was going to ask you about the weather. Decisions, decisions… Jaehyun was both curious and afraid to know how this would play out. 

“Alright man, I gotta go for my next class.” Mark pulled out his chair, the sound of metal creaking against the cafeteria floor. “It was nice catching up. I’ll update you on how she’s doing so don’t worry too much, okay? See you at practice later.” There was a nice ring of assurance to Mark’s voice, and it made Jaehyun grateful that you and Mark shared the same classes so he could still look out for you through him.

“Thanks bro,” Jaehyun said with a sincere smile on his face. Even though he still didn’t know what he was going to do, at least there is now a glimmer of hope that lies still in his heart.

–

If there was one word that you could use to describe how you were feeling, it would be sorrow. Several days have passed since that night but you’ve yet to hear from Jaehyun. Initially, you were worried about him and thought that he needed some time and space alone. So you gave that to him. After all, it probably took him a lot of courage to say those words to you. 

But one day turned into two, and soon, it became a week. You began to doubt Jaehyun’s feelings for you and wondered if he meant what he said, or if it was just the alcohol talking. Surely, this was no way to treat someone you claimed to like.

Truthfully, it’s been quite some time since you came to know about Jaehyun’s feelings for you. Or rather, had an inkling that he didn’t just view you platonically. You just chose to ignore it. For several reasons, but mostly the fact that your seventeen-year-long friendship was on the line.

In recent years, you started to notice the way that Jaehyun would pay special attention to you. There was nothing inherently wrong with that, since it’s normal for friends to look out for each other. But the foreign twinkle in his eye that started to show up when he listened to you talk about your day or complain about completing your assignments; it was difficult to brush it off as a friendly gesture when you were so used to him spacing out five minutes into your past conversations. 

Jaehyun also seemed to have taken a mental note of how forgetful you could be. More often than not, you’d forget to bring a hair tie out with you because you were always rushing out of the house. But at some point in time, together with his silver bracelet that he usually wore, Jaehyun would also have a black hair tie wrapped around his wrist. When he notices how your hair almost got into your food, he’d put down his utensils, chiding you as if you were a child while he tied your hair up into a simple ponytail.

And how could you possibly forget the time that he pulled an all-nighter to help you study for an exam? 

Jaehyun’s major was anything but closely related to yours, yet he took the time to familiarise himself with the important terms that you needed to know for the exam. Making flashcards so that it’ll be easier for you to remember those terms, Jaehyun even went as far as to record and send you audio notes explaining the concepts that your professor highlighted in your notes, which saved you so much revision time. All of this, simply because you made a comment in passing about how on top of that exam, you had so many other deadlines to meet in the same week, and he’d dropped everything to help you as if he didn’t already have a lot on his plate. He didn’t even ask for anything in return except for you to have a meal with him after the exam because he knew that you didn’t get to eat any proper food since submission week began.

It was certain that Jaehyun’s special treatment towards you made your heart do leaps and bounds, but you were in denial and didn’t want to believe that you saw your best friend in a different light. It was only when he confessed to you that you felt relieved. For all the times you thought you were committing a crime by overthinking every single interaction you had with him, even down to a simple text message from Jaehyun asking, “Did you sleep well? :)”

Perhaps a mistake on your part, but your friends were also Jaehyun’s friends. There were other people that you knew outside of that particular social circle, but they were people that you’d group as acquaintances, nothing more than polite greetings exchanged before and after lectures. It didn’t even matter that the both of you were neighbours because he wasn’t even around much. You didn’t dare to go knocking on his door in fear that he’ll just throw you another excuse to avoid you. 

Several nights, your hand hovered over Jaehyun’s contact in your phone. Typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing; these unsent messages ended up residing in your notes application for no one but yourself to read. Time spent away from Jaehyun was painful. Painful because it was only prolonging. 

Even walking home felt miserable because Jaehyun would usually be by your side, but only the music that played through your earbuds accompanied you.

This street was filled with memories that the both of you have made together over the years, and it was so painful thinking about how they turned into nothing once love came into play. It didn’t even take longer than a day for you to feel the full force of his absence in your life.

You hope you’ll never lose Jaehyun.  

–

“Hey ____, is my shoebag at the café?”

You got up from your chair, walking over to the other side of the table where Mark was seated previously. “Yup,” you said, pulling out his chair to find his black shoebag lying on it. “I didn’t even notice you left it here until you called.”

“Dang it. Could you bring it over for me? I wore slides today and there’s no way in hell I’m training in that. Coach would bench me.”

A particular someone filled your thoughts at once, and you turned quiet, almost forgetting that Mark was still on the line until you heard his voice again. “Jaehyun won’t be there if that’s what you’re worried about. He has an interview today.”

And that’s how you found yourself standing outside the indoor basketball court with Mark’s shoebag in hand. 

After the whole ordeal, Mark was the only person in Jaehyun’s social circle that really talked to you. Mainly because the both of you still had classes together, but you genuinely felt lucky that you still had company. If not, school would be so much harder to get through. 

Most of your conversations tended to gravitate toward school and assignments. Though, that didn’t stop Mark from dropping updates on how Jaehyun’s doing even if you never brought him up a single time. He was respectful about it, however, careful not to overstep. He also didn’t ask or say anything that would make you uncomfortable. And for that, you thought that the least you could do for Mark was to pass him his shoebag so that he wouldn’t get into trouble.

Your palm turned sweaty as it hovered over the doorknob, and it didn’t help that you could hear a bunch of rowdy voices from outside. Although Mark already assured you that Jaehyun wouldn’t be coming, the anxious feeling still didn’t go away. What if his teammates gave you shit for what happened? Or what if they ended up humiliating you? 

No. Jaehyun isn’t the type of person to talk bad about you behind your back. Besides, you’ve seen a few of his teammates around campus and they would still smile and wave at you. It was all in your head. Taking a deep breath, you opened the doorknob, resonating a click sound that echoed throughout the indoor court. 

“____!” within seconds, someone had already come running up to you, his arm thrown over your shoulder. 

“Hi Jungwoo!” 

“Have you been busy with school? We don’t see you around anymore,” Jungwoo pointed out, pouting. His child-like expression brought a smile to your face. Jungwoo was like a loveable little brother to you, always sharing his snacks with you whenever you stayed behind to wait for Jaehyun. 

Even though you felt apologetic on the inside, you still found yourself coming up with a lie so as to not make things awkward. “Sorry. It’s always hard adjusting back to the new semester, you know?” 

“Well, drop by when you’re free! I miss you. We all do.” Jungwoo said, and it wasn't long before the rest of the team flocked over to the benches where the both of you were standing. 

“You owe me one.” Throwing the shoebag over to Mark, it was fortunate that his fast reflexes prevented him from having a broken nose. He thanked you quickly before changing into his shoes. 

“I need to go to the washroom. I’ll leave my stuff here first.” You announced to no one in particular, hiding them behind Mark’s things on the benches. 

Despite being a regular visitor to their practices, their coach was admittedly not fond of you having you over because their break times always went beyond the designated duration, which ate into their practice time. The boys would always crowd around you and chat for a long time, forgetting what they were really there for. And since he had yet to arrive, you figured that it would be better to disguise your things as Mark’s first, lest the coach gets into a bad mood even before practice starts. You weren’t planning to stay for long, but you know, just in case. 

“It’s not like anyone is going to steal them,” Yuta remarked, a second too late. 

“You’re the reason I don’t come here anymore.” You deadpanned, your comeback making the rest of the boys playfully jeer at Yuta. 

Practice had already started while you were in the washroom, the beeping whistle that would sound every few seconds told you so. Peeking out from a corner, you took in the familiar sight of the team warming up, their shoes squeaking on the wooden flooring. Upon further scrutiny, however, your entire body stiffens once a familiar figure comes into sight. You could only see his back-view, but the white headband that he wore was recognizable anywhere. 

Didn’t Mark say he wouldn’t be here today? 

Your lips curled inwards thinking about how you were going to get out of here without getting noticed. The coach was the least of your concerns, it was Jaehyun that you worried about. You weren’t ready for any form of confrontation yet, not that you expected him to talk to you about it, and you didn’t want to watch him ignore you. Maybe you should just stay here until they end practice. You didn’t have anything on after this anyway. But you also couldn’t imagine waiting around here for hours, and potentially risk getting locked up in here for the night when you don’t actually end up making it out. Racking your brain for unfeasible ideas made you curse in frustration, it was clear that going out by where you came from was the only option.

You turned around the corner from where you were hiding, silently jogging to the benches where you left your things together with Mark’s. You gave the court a quick once over, exhaling in relief when you see them preoccupied with their drills. Gathering your things, you made a run for the exit while they weren’t looking.

“____, you’re leaving already?” Jungwoo’s voice stopped you in your tracks. It was too late to ask him to be quiet since he practically announced your exit to the entire court, but in a moment of panic, you ended up turning around even though you should have continued walking. Jaehyun’s eyes were on you. What shocked you more, however, was the unpleasant surprise that followed after.

Jaehyun, who was supposed to receive a pass from Sungchan, got distracted by you, or rather, Jungwoo saying bye to you. Ball hauled straight at Jaehyun, his teammates shouted at him to watch out, with Yuta even rushing over at the speed of light to hit the ball away. Which unfortunately, backfired, because while he managed to prevent Jaehyun from getting hit by the ball, Yuta ended up colliding into him, the both of them tumbling to the ground. 

“Are you okay?” You don’t know how you ended up in front of Jaehyun, but your trembling hands held him by the shoulder, your eyes glossing over his figure to check if he was okay. 

Jaehyun looked extremely pale, and that’s saying a lot given that he was already very fair to begin with. Eyelids shut, he was profusely breaking out in cold sweat. Their coach snapped his fingers to get Jaehyun’s attention, but there was hardly any response. 

“I’ll take him to the infirmary,” you said.

“Don’t be silly, ____. How are you going to carry him?” Yuta stood up while massaging his right shoulder, recovering from the fall faster than Jaehyun did because it wasn’t as severe for him.  

You unintentionally glared at Yuta because of his snide comment that always seemed to come up at the wrong time. Though, you thought it was warranted this time, because you were fretting over Jaehyun’s injury. Sensing your panic, Yuta raised two hands defensively. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll take him to the nurse. You get his things, I’ll meet you there.”

– 

The wait was awfully long. 

You didn’t want to disrupt the process so you stayed outside with Jaehyun’s things, waiting patiently until you could go in to check on him. You didn’t even feel an ounce of anger towards him, only thinking about whether he was okay or not, because it didn’t seem like he was. Judging from the past few times, you roughly knew that this time of the year was also nearing competition season, so you genuinely hoped that Jaehyun’s injury was nothing serious. It would be so demoralising for him if he had to sit out, and that’s the last thing you wanted for him. 

You hurriedly got up from your seat when you heard the door open, looking over to see the doctor walk out of the infirmary first, with Yuta following right behind. The doctor gave you a polite smile before leaving. 

“How is he?” you dared to ask.

A knowing chuckle left Yuta’s lips. “Your boyfriend’s fine.”

“Yuta.” Your death glare from earlier made a reappearance, and it caused him to straighten up before relaying the doctor’s words.

“Good news is that he didn’t fracture or break anything. The swelling went down after they iced his ankle, but…” Yuta’s voice trailed off.

“But?”

“He caught some flu bug that’s been going around school so his body is kind of weak. Doc said he needs to take a week off to recover, he even prescribed him antibiotics.” That explained his sickly complexion. 

“Can I go in to see him?”

Yuta nodded, holding the door open for you. “I’ll get going first. Take good care of your–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

“… Boyfriend.” A triumphant smile on his face, Yuta got out of your sight even before you could do anything (throw your laptop at him). 

You walked into Jaehyun lying on the bed. His eyes were closed, but the sound of him humming to a tune told you that he wasn’t asleep. You crouched down to put both your things by the bedside, careful not to make a loud ruckus before settling down on the empty chair next to the bed. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice came out as a whisper, as if you were scared to break the silence. 

Jaehyun’s eyelids fluttered open, now looking in your direction as he slowly sat up. “Why are you sorry? It’s not even your fault. I was careless and tripped.” Would it be a stretch to say that he tripped because of you? You’re not sure, but you somehow felt responsible for his current state. 

“Let me take care of you,” you offered.

“No. I don’t need you to take care of me.” 

“But you’re sick,” you persisted, “Stop being so stubborn.”

“I don’t really want to be around you, ____.” Jaehyun said coldly, and your heart sank upon hearing his words. It was hard to believe that this was the same guy who wore his heart on his sleeve. For you. 

You blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. “Do you really mean that?” 

“Yes.” Jaehyun’s reply came faster than you’d expected. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. What broke you was how he answered you with a stoic expression that was void of any emotion. 

“I can’t get rid of my feelings if I continue to be around you all the time.” Jaehyun explained, his head hanging low. “So just let me be, and we’ll be okay again once I get over you.”

I don’t want you to get over me.

You wanted to tell Jaehyun, how unfair it was that he never once asked you how you felt about everything, but no words left your mouth. You could only sit there, looking down at your hands, feeling unwanted in a space where even your best friend couldn’t tolerate your presence because you were hurting him as much as he was hurting you. Lines were blurred, and boundaries have been crossed. How could you bring yourself to believe that the two of you would be okay again? 

You fiddled with your hands, earning the courage to look Jaehyun in the eye again. “I’m still going to take care of you.” You said firmly, not allowing for Jaehyun to object before continuing. “It’s your feelings so you deal with it. I’m just here to take care of you”—you paused—“because friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter what. And unless you want me out of your life for good, then you can say no and I won’t bother you anymore.” 

–  

It wasn’t as easy as you thought it’ll be, taking care of Jaehyun. To be fair to him, he didn’t inconvenience you a lot since he spent most of his days in bed. He could still do simple chores, but since you offered to look after him, you made sure that he didn’t have to move around the house so as to focus on recuperating. But even all of that was manageable for you.

The difficult part was feeling like you had to walk on eggshells around him all the time. It didn’t seem fair that you knew about his feelings for you, because there were several instances in which you found yourself thinking: Is it too much? Am I giving him a harder time by doing this? 

So you kept your interactions with him short. 

The same could be said for today. It’s been a week since he fell sick, but Jaehyun was already feeling much better thanks to you. You didn’t have any classes so you stayed over at Jaehyun’s, catching up on your readings while he napped the day away. Even though he was close to recovering, it was unfortunate that the medication that he took was drowsy, so most of the time he spent, he spent asleep.

As it was nearing dinnertime, you decided to cook a simple meal for him so that he could continue taking his medication after getting some food in his system. Turning off the stove, you took a small spoon to taste the porridge, almost letting out a yelp because of how hot it was. You opened the cabinets directly above you, grabbing the salt and pepper to add just a tiny bit of each seasoning into the porridge, just like how Jaehyun would like it. You meticulously poured the porridge into an empty bowl, putting it on a tray before carrying it into Jaehyun’s room.

Leaving the door slightly ajar so that you could hear Jaehyun from the living room in case he needed anything, you were welcomed with the sight of him tucked under the covers, still deep in sleep. Setting the tray down on his bedside table, you walked over to sit on the edge of his bed. You ruffled stray pieces of his hair away to feel his forehead. He had a bit of a temperature earlier, but the medicine seemed to have helped in bringing it down. 

You gently woke Jaehyun up, asking him to eat. Sleep still evident in his eyes, you thought he looked cute with his lower lip protruding out as it took some time for him to sit up, mindlessly looking around his room to process his surroundings. You almost felt bad for interrupting his sleep, but you didn’t have much of a choice because this was his first proper meal of the day, only settling for bread earlier because he said he didn’t have any appetite. 

You took the bowl in your hands, taking one spoonful of the food. Blowing lightly at it to cool off the heat, you fed it to Jaehyun who was still staring into blank space. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked, feeding Jaehyun another mouthful.

“Better,” he said, voice deep and raspy because he’d just woken up. “Still feeling sleepy though.”

“You can go back to sleep after this,” you said with a quiet laugh.

Silence took over as Jaehyun continued to have his meal, but it was neither uncomfortable nor tense. In fact, it was almost like things had gone back to how they originally were, where the two of you were able to spend the entire day without even talking to each other until you were done with your own things. 

Jaehyun took his medication once he finished his meal, chugging down the last bits of water from his 1.5 litre bottle too. You got up from his bed, putting the bowl back onto the tray. 

“I’ll leave the door open again so just shout if you need anything.” You don’t wait for Jaehyun to respond before turning your back to him, getting ready to leave. But he’d surprise you by extending a hand out to your arm, the sudden contact almost causing you to drop the tray. You promptly turned to look at him.

“Can we–”Jaehyun choked out, his voice still hoarse–“can we cuddle?”

With his hand still on your arm, you stood rooted to the ground. The voices in your head fighting with each other at his proposition, you didn’t know how to answer him. Cuddling with each other wasn’t something new, but in light of recent events, you weren’t so sure if the two of you should be doing something so intimate together.

Sighing, you put the tray away before holding onto Jaehyun’s hand. “I’ll do the dishes and come back up, okay?” it felt like you were talking to a child, the way you were so gentle with him as if he was going to break. He nodded, finally letting go of your arm. 

Technically, it wouldn’t hurt to leave the dishes untouched for a while. But you needed that time away to mentally prepare yourself… to be that close to Jaehyun again after such a long time. As you loaded the dirty cutlery into the dishwasher, memories of his confession came rushing to your head. All you could think about were the words he said to you and how it felt to be in his warm embrace. 

You could feel your heart thumping against your chest as you went up to Jaehyun’s room. Closing the door, you laid down on the empty side of the bed next to him. You were cautious at first, but soon that went away when his arm reached out to bring your body closer to his. 

You tried not to think about how right it felt to be in his arms. Holding you in a way that was not in the least uncomfortable, you don’t think that anyone else would know you better than Jaehyun did. 

“Good night, Buttercup,” Jaehyun said, his voice lulling you to sleep.

–  

For the first time in a while, Jaehyun felt well-rested. He didn’t usually have trouble falling asleep, but with so much going on recently, he rarely woke up feeling content.

But the bed felt warmer today, and he knew that it’s because of you. He didn't even plan to ask you to cuddle with him, but he unknowingly blurted it out, and you agreed. 

Jaehyun tilted his head, supporting it with one hand while he looked at you. His feelings for you were all coming back to him again, not that they were ever gone in the first place. He’d simply pushed them aside, convincing himself that he’d be able to get over you. 

But that’s the thing. Because he kept avoiding them, all the more they continued to plague him. Granted, he lied about things being able to go back to how they were, but if he didn’t lie, how else was he supposed to continue staying by your side? 

Jaehyun’s predicament was put on hold as you stirred in your sleep, opening your eyes one at a time before you looked up at him with a lop-sided grin. 

“Morning,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun returned the smile. “Did you sleep well?”

You nodded. “Best sleep I had in a while.”

“Thanks for staying with me even though you didn’t have to.” 

You got up from his bed, stretching your entire body. “It’s no problem. Do you want breakfast? I can whip something up real quick.” 

Jaehyun followed suit, also standing up to make his bed. He spreaded the blanket cover over the mattress, tucking in the corners. “No thanks. I’ll be heading out soon to meet Da-eun at the newly opened café at Med School to—”

“Da-eun?” Jaehyun looked up, frowning at how you didn’t let him finish talking. 

“Yeah, Da-eun. She’s in the same year as us. Remember?” Jaehyun, though confused, didn’t miss the dejected look on your face.

“I’m so sick and tired of this, Jaehyun.”

“What’s wrong with you? I didn’t even do anything,” Jaehyun huffed. Are you seriously picking another fight with him now? 

“Didn’t do anything?” you scoffed. “You’re hurting me, Jaehyun.” 

Jaehyun’s eyes softened after hearing your words.

“You confessed to me and pretended I didn’t exist for weeks. If you really liked me, you wouldn’t ask me to cuddle with you and then go on a date with another girl the next day. You say one thing but do another. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe when you keep confusing me but for some stupid reason my heart still flutters every time you do or say something sweet,” you rubbed your temples, sighing. “I guess it doesn’t even matter that I like you because this is a joke to you. I’m tired and I don’t want to be a part of your games anymore.” 

Jaehyun couldn’t stop himself from breaking into a wide smile. “You like me?”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. “Out of everything I said, that’s the only thing you caught?” 

“I wasn’t even done talking,” Jaehyun retorted, going over to the other side of the bed where you stood. The grin on his face didn’t disappear. “I’m meeting Da-eun to complete our paired assignment. I was going to say that we can go to the café the next time if the food’s good.”

Jaehyun looked at you earnestly. “And for the record, I still like you. There’s no need to be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

Jaehyun’s smile is graced with fondness this time. Looming closer to you, he gently pushed you against the wall, trapping you in between his arms. He looked down at your lips and then back at your eyes, trying to hold back his laughter when he saw that you’ve closed them. Leaning in, Jaehyun placed a tender kiss on your right cheek.

You opened your eyes, sulking. “What happened to wanting to kiss me on the lips?” 

“Patience, Buttercup. Don’t want to spread whatever virus I have to you. Promise I’ll make it up to you next time.” He left another kiss on your left cheek. 

“I think I like seeing you jealous.” Jaehyun added as an afterthought, which earned him a smack on the shoulder from you. 

–  

You and Jaehyun were currently lying against the couch in his living room, feeling like you were about to enter a food coma. It was supposed to be movie night, but the jjamppong was so filling that you two could crash until the next morning. Earlier that day, you’d woken up to a text message from Jaehyun asking you to check your laptop. He claimed that he accidentally saved his assignment in it, and needed you to forward it over to him because it was due in two hours. Rather unbelievable for a Dean’s Lister, but you gave him the benefit of doubt and went ahead to check your laptop anyway.

When you turned it on, you were welcomed by a grey pop-up window. It was completely empty, and despite clicking on the cross button several times, the window simply refused to close. You mentally cursed thinking that you got hacked. You were about to contact Jaehyun about it until a few messages came up in the same window.

Hi girlfriend ♡

I hope I didn’t scare you :) hahaha. 

Your computer is attacked by a virus. 

But if you wear my jersey to the game later, I will wipe it out for you.

Do you accept it? 

The question appeared with two options below: yes and no. You shook your head at another one of Jaehyun’s antics, already envisioning the whimsical smile on his face while coding all of this. He could be using his degree for greater purposes, yet here he was, pranking his poor girlfriend with a pseudo virus attack. You moved your mouse over to click yes, and another series of messages came up.

Wise choice!

I’ve left the jersey in your closet next to where my hoodies are.

See you later and don’t be late.

Love you.

So as promised, you wore Jaehyun’s jersey to his match. The second he saw you, he couldn’t stop smiling. His teammates kept making ooh and aah noises, you had to shush them from afar so that they would stop teasing your boyfriend. Eyes on him the entire time, you were beyond proud when his team had successfully emerged as champion again, the both of you exchanging sweet smiles with each other after the game ended. After which, Jaehyun came home to you, celebrating the end of the season with Chinese takeout.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You already did,” Jaehyun quipped. 

You moved away from him, faking anger. You tried standing up, but that only gave Jaehyun a chance to grab your arm, pulling you down to sit on his lap. “Ask, baby.”

“Why do you hold three fingers up during your games? Like is it supposed to mean something? You keep doing that a lot, even today.” 

An amused hum escaped Jaehyun’s lips upon hearing your question. Although it’s already been established that you only went to basketball games for him, his heart still turned warm at how you attentively observed him throughout his games even if you didn’t understand the sport well. Much less wanting to know about his team strategies.

“It just means that we’re going to try for a three-pointer,” Jaehyun disclosed, pressing soft kisses against your shoulder blade. “We change it up every time. but the main gist of it is that we will make three passes before going for the three-point field goal.” 

You hummed in acknowledgement. “So that’s what it meant! That’s so cool.” 

Jaehyun’s kisses stopped. “I have a gift for you,” he said. 

“A gift?” you felt bad. You should be the one giving him something for completing his season. Before you could protest, however, Jaehyun asked you to close your eyes.

At first you felt him shifting below you, curious about what gift he could possibly be hiding when you didn’t recall seeing any paper bag of some sort when you entered his house. Thereafter, you heard him opening something, taking it out of... a box? You could hear something dangling. Not long after, that something was around your neck. You knew by now what it was, but Jaehyun asked you to open your eyes only after he fastened the clasp.

“No way!” you exclaimed. Gaze shifting downwards, you brought a hand up to touch the necklace that Jaehyun had helped you put on. It was a silver initial necklace with the letter J, a tiny heart charm hanging just next to it. 

“J as in Jaehyun?” you asked. You turned to look at him with doe-eyes, like that one emoji that you’d always use whenever you needed a favour from him. “No way…” 

“Do you like it?” 

“What do you mean? Of course I do! I just had my Gabriella Montez moment…” 

Jaehyun let out a hearty laugh. “I’m glad you like it.”

While you were still admiring the necklace, Jaehyun slyly snuck an arm around your waist, effortlessly lifting you up and putting you down to lie on the empty spot next to him. He changed his position such that he was now hovering over you, slowly taking your hand in his so that your attention would shift from the necklace to him. 

“So pretty,” he breathed.

With parted lips, Jaehyun moved in bit by bit to connect your bodies together. Just centimetres away from you, you could feel his lips ghosting over yours, making you want nothing more than to reach up to close the gap that separated the two of you from sharing a kiss. His eyes darted down to your lips for a mere second before he dived right in, going straight for your upper lip first. He pulled back slightly, silently checking if you were okay with what he was doing. And when he felt you kiss him back with a sense of urgency, Jaehyun brought a hand to the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss, smiling in content.

If his life was a movie, then you were the best part.

#jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun x reader #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct #jaehyun

[marksmelodies]

My Princess

idol jaehyun x bratty fem reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: suggestive, sex, oral, use of the nickname daddy, mentions of size difference

note: jaehyun and the reader are both ADULTS

minors dni!

you lay in your bed freshly washed, teeth brushed, skincare done, pajamas on and ready to go to bed, putting on your favorite show turning off the lights as you settle down from the exhausting day of shopping with your boyfriends credit card that he gave you to use while he was away

you look over at the cold empty space next to you within in the sheets causing a frown to fall onto your face, your boyfriend was on tour, currently he was at the last stop in tokyo and he wasn’t getting home until late tomorrow night, it’s always the last twenty four hours that go by so incredibly slow

you decide to call jaehyun, as the phone rings and rings eventually you are brought to voicemail, instantly you call him again.. no answer, quickly you find marks contact knowing he’s rooming with your boyfriend, you hit the call button, a few rings in mark answers the phone

“yes y/n?” he says slightly annoyed right off the bat

“where’s jaehyun and why is he not answering the phone” you say in a bratty tone

“he’s in the shower right now, try calling him back when he’s out” mark says in a monotone voice

“no, go tell him to answer me ” you whine

“y/n he’s in the shower” mark repeats himself

“i don’t care tell him to answer me right now” you slightly snap at him

“god i don’t understand how he deals with you, you’re insufferable” mark says before knocking on the shower door

“dude your girlfriends bitching at me to tell you to answer your phone” mark yells through the door

“oh shit, okay thanks bro” jaehyun says turning the water off

you get a call from jaehyun as you instantly hang up the phone on mark

“baby i thought we talked about being nicer to my friends” jaehyun says through the phone

“i wasn’t being mean to him, he was just being stupid, maybe if he did what i asked in the first place he wouldn’t have to deal with me yelling at him” you reply rolling your eyes

mark scoffs

“sweetheart, not everyone is going to give you princess treatment like i do” jaehyun says

“why not” you ask as a genuine question

mark laughs at your complete unawareness of how truly entitled you are as he sits in his bed listening to the conversation

“what did you do today princess” jaehyun asks changing the subject to distract you

“i went shopping with daddies money” you say smiling at him

“oh yeah? should daddy expect a call from the bank for fraud again?” he laughs at the amount of times his card has been temporarily frozen because the bank assumed it got stolen

“no i didn’t do that much damage today, plus the bank is so stupid, how are you going to freeze a card with no limit” you complain

“show me what you got pretty girl”

you begin to give jaehyun a hall of everything that you bought earlier

“didn’t do much damage my ass” mark says still listening to your conversation on the other side of the room

“ jaehyun hes being mean do something” you whine

jaehyun looks over to mark giving him a tight lipped smile before mouthing a “sorry”

“you’re getting cranky baby why don’t you get some rest” jaehyun says knowing how you get when you’re tired

you try to deny it but you feel your eyelids drooping “okay fine, i love you jae” you say

“i love you more princess, sweet dreams” he says waiting for you to hang up the phone because if he hung up you’d immediately call back just so you could be the one to end the phone call… you were truly a brat.

“how do you do it bro.. no offense but she’s actually miserable to be around” mark asks

jaehyun sighs, everyone in his life had asked him this question at least once, including his parents

“i love her man.. id give her the world if she asked for it, it’s my fault she’s such a brat i spoil her too much but i love her and her attitude” jaehyun says

“to each their own i guess” mark says

laying in your king size bed you’ve fallen into a deep sleep

hours later the door beeps in the distance signaling that it has been opened as a tired jaehyun pulls his suitcase through the door frame, taking off his shoes and leaving his belongings in the hallway, he was way to exhausted to unpack it right now, shuffling his feet into your shared bedroom he finds you fast asleep as the tv still plays your favorite show, he chuckles at himself as he reaches for the remote to turn the television off

undressing himself he slips under the covers with nothing but his boxers on, carefully turning himself to the side as he wraps his arm around your stomach pulling you closer to his body

at first you were startled but it only took a second to notice the familiar scent and the strong arm wrapping around you as you turn around to face him

“jaehyun?” you say wrapping your arms around his neck as you place one of your legs around his hip latching onto him like a koala

“hey baby i didn’t mean to wake you” he whispers leaving a kiss to your head

“no im glad you did, i thought you didn’t get home till tomorrow night?” you ask

“plans changed and i wanted to surprise you” he says

you smile at him as you squeeze him harder “i missed you so much jae”

“i missed you too sweet girl”

you unwrap yourself from him at you sit up, you really wish you could control yourself right now but having not seen your boyfriend in a month your body naturally reacted by making your panties soaked

you needed him right here, right now

“jae” you whine laying your entire body onto his kissing his jawline as your hands traced his abs

“babe i’m exhausted” jaehyun sighs patting your butt

“but i need you” you pout your lips at him

he can’t help but smile at your desperation “we can do this in the morning” he says

“but i need you now” you say as a spoiled tone leaves your mouth

on nights like tonight your spoiled nature was greatly unappreciated

jaehyun huffs pulling you off of him “go to bed” he says in an annoyed tone

you fall silent for a moment which slightly concerns jaehyun, you never backed off even when he told you to that’s until he hears slight sniffling coming from your side of the bed

“you don’t love me” you say crying

jaehyun takes a deep breath as you truly try his patience “i do love you sweetheart but im tired, i want to go to sleep”

“you think im ugly don’t you, you don’t like me anymore and you’re not happy with our sex life” you cry harder

“what no- where did that even come from i do not think you’re ugly one bit and i love our sex life, remember how much i proved that to you before i left huh?” he asks as you nod your head yes

he scoots closer to you wiping your tears

“what did i tell you before i left?” he asks

“that i have the prettiest pussy you’ve ever seen” you say dead serious

he laughs at your statement “well yeah i did say that and i meant it but what else did i say”

“hm? you said that you promised to pump a whole lot babies into me and get me all pregnant” you say again

jaehyun face palms himself “yes i said that too but i also said that i love you more than anything else in this entire world, and that i’ll love you until the day that i die, remember that?” he asks as you shake your head yes

there wasn’t many times that jaehyun told you no and when he did you always threw a tantrum about it, however jaehyun always came up with a compromise to make you happy

“you can warm me tonight and in the morning i’ll show you how much i’ve missed you beautiful girl” he kisses your lips before letting you get comfortable at he plays with his dick a little to get him hard enough so he could insert himself into you

jaehyun was big.. and your petite body always struggled taking all of him but you were never satisfied until he bottomed out, feeling his tip poke at your heat he softly inserts himself into you causing you to moan and whimper

“you okay baby?” he asks halfway to bottoming out

“mhm” you respond as he keeps going

“ow ow ow” you winced as he gets deeper

he gives you one of his big hands to squeeze as the other one still remains on your hip “ almost there baby you’re doing so well” he whispers interlocking his hand with yours gently rubbing his thumb over it

your tight pussy consuming his cock causing him to use some of his force to push it in deeper causing you to wince in pain again

“i’m sorry baby i know it hurts, daddy is too big for a little thing like you” he says finally bottoming out

you take in a deep breath as your pussy gradually gets used to his size, jaehyun wraps his arm around you as he feels the tiny bulge in your stomach from his cock

“always such a good girl for me huh?” jaehyun says as he kisses the back of your head before falling asleep as you do the same

waking up to the sun shining on your face you look excitedly to your boyfriend remembering what he promised you last night, your smile fell as you noticed the spot next to yours was empty

you quickly get out of bed to see jaehyun sitting on the couch with mark, johnny and haechan

“goodmorning prin-” before jaehyun could even finish his sentence you interrupt him “ what are they doing here” you say pissed off

“there just here to hang out for a little bit, we’re working on a song together so we’re brain storming right now” he explains

“why can’t you do this later” you whine

“here we go again” mark says clearly done with your shit

“i’m sorry but im not the one interrupting a couples alone time am i?” you snap your head to mark

“jaehyun get back in bed” you say

“no princess im doing something right now” he says looking at you

the guys look shocked hearing him tell you no

“but jae you promised me” you cry stomping your feet on the ground

jaehyun takes a deep breath as he pinches the bridge of his nose

“excuse me guys ill be right back, let me take care of her really quick” jaehyun says getting up from the couch grabbing your arm dragging you back into the bedroom before slamming the door

“god you’re such a brat” he says throwing you on the bed as he strips your clothes off along with his own

“you can’t wait a few more hours for my cock? you’re such a needy spoiled brat” usually jaehyun would prep you with his fingers or at least take it slow but not this time

he demanded you getting on all fours as you arched your back without warning he thrust his entire dick into you harshly causing a scream coming from you

“shut your mouth” he says as he balls up the first piece of clothing he sees shoving it into your mouth using it as a gag, he thrusts inside you so rough you feel like you could split in half at any moment, feeling your head fall down into the pillow in front of you jaehyun grabs a handful of your hair yanking you back up

he then flips you over putting your legs over his shoulders taking the gag out of your mouth “you’re gonna be a good girl for me and be quiet” you nod your head yes as he thrusts back into you

you wait for a moment before looking into his eyes purposefully letting out the loudest pornagraphic moan as you smile to yourself knowing that you pissed him off before you do it again

jaehyun puts his hands around your throat as he squeezes not so gently “ you think you’re so funny huh” he shoves the gag back into your mouth as he pulls out of you leaving back to look at your body spread out on the bed

he opens your legs a little wider before slapping your pussy causing you to scream through the material in your mouth. he slaps your pussy again and again getting more rough with each slap

“you’ve been so bratty lately, and i’ve been so kind to you huh, i let you use my money to buy whatever you want, i let you boss me around like your servant, i let you sleep with my cock inside of you last night because you wanted me so bad and this is how you repay me?” he grabs both of your wrists pulling you up out of bed and over to the dresser, “bend over” you do what he says as his hand meets your ass sending a sting to it threw every slap, he repeats this motion on both cheeks until they are raw, you let out a moan as tears run down your face

“look at you, fucking slut enjoys getting punished, is that why you’re so bratty all the time? you like it when daddy punishes you?” he says shoving his cock back into your pussy as you’re still bent over the dresser, his thrusts become faster jaehyun feels himself about to finish as his dick twitches inside of you, letting out a groan warm strings of his seed shoot inside of you

“you don’t get to cum until you prove to me that you can be a good girl” he says pulling out of you before pulling his pants up “and don’t you dare think about touching yourself” he says before waking out of the room leaving you there barely able to see straight

jaehyun was ALWAYS sweet during sex, always obeying your orders, giving you endless compliments as he gently made love to you, sometimes he was a bit rough but he was always so sweet, constantly asking if you are okay or if you’re in pain, he always made sure you came multiple times before he did… but today he showed you a different side to himself and that turned you on

catching your breath you limp to the bathroom, cleaning yourself up you notice blood on the towel that you used

you knew the blood wasn’t from menstruation, jaehyun had definitely slightly tore you or something, you didn’t seem too worried about it since you weren’t in immense pain just a little bit sore

making yourself look somewhat presentable you walk back out to the living room where all the boys sit on the couches

you avoid eye contact knowing they heard every little thing that happened in the bedroom, you try to make your limp not noticeable as you walk over to your boyfriend but that didn’t work out, completely giving up you limp over to jaehyun as you sit in the spot next to him cuddling up to his side

“hey princess, you doing okay” he said as if nothing had happened

you say nothing just nodding your head yes as you play with his fingers while he continues discussing work matters with his members, eventually they leave, now just you and jaehyun on the couch “you were such a good girl” he says kissing your lips as he carries you to the bedroom

“let me make you cum like i promised i would if you behaved” he says pulling down your pants as he’s about to pull down his own

“wait babe i don’t think we should fuck again” you say looking at him

“whys that my sweet girl” he asks raking his hands through your hair as he placed a soft kiss on your lips

“im bleeding a little from last time” you say

“what” he his eyes widen as you try and calm him down

“ it’s okay im not in pain but i think you might have accidentally tore me a little or something” you say softly

“oh my god i’m so sorry, i really didn’t mean to baby, god i’m an idiot i should’ve at least gotten you wet first” he rambles

you chuckle at the sight of him

“baby it’s okay really i’m fine” you say

“i know a way i can make you feel better” jaehyun crawls in between your legs spreading them apart as he takes your pants off, licking a stripe down you pussy making you slightly squirm and pull his hair

he continues to rub your clit as he leans up giving you a kiss on your stomach“you taste so good baby” he says before going back down on you

his tongue moves faster and faster up and down your heat as you feel yourself about to finish you pull his hair a little harder “daddy i’m going to cum” you moan as your body releases onto his tongue causing your body to shake

“good girl princess” he says kissing the inside of your thighs before laying down next to you, you immediately put your head on his chest once you put your pants back on

“i’m sorry, i promise to behave more often and not be as spoiled or bratty” you say into his chest, jaehyun chuckles as he hears your apology

“it’s okay sweetheart, you’re my princess you should be treated like one, i just want you to realize that not everyone is going to spoil you like i do and even then sometimes i can’t always do the things that you want right away or i might be a little too tired but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you, i love you very much, i promise that if i can’t give you what you want at the very moment you want it, i will make it up to you” jaehyun says kissing your lips

“i love you jae”

“i love you more princess”

#nct 127 #nct fluff #nct smut #nct angst #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x you #nct fanfic #nct x female reader #nct x reader #nct #nct scenarios #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios