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#nct scenario
yougotthatbilly · 5 days ago
dive (m)
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→ member: jung jaehyun
→ genre: fratboy!jaehyun | smut
→ word count: 9.2k
→ playlist: dive x victoria monet
→ warnings: oiud smoking (which results in a lot of smiling and laughing), oral (f receiving), petnames (just love and baby and a couple good girl’s), fingering, lots of teasing, a bit of praising| also, this isn’t the typical fratboy!au because the only fratboys i’ve dealt with are nothing like the ones i’ve read about so :)
↳ summary: Jaehyun calls shotgun
The blue LED lights that illuminate the living room create pretty shadows on your roommate’s face as you watch her curiously. The light reflects off of her silver earrings and necklaces prettily. She wanted to try something new, mostly because she was bored tonight and because she’s curious as to why you enjoy this specific thing so much; why everyone in the room comes to Johnny’s place at least once every weekend to link up. Yeji gently takes the blunt from you and observes it before her eyes lift to your face again. You get comfortable and curl up into the corner of the couch you claimed an hour ago, placing a hand in between your face and the cushion.
You’re the only one that’s so obviously looking at her as she brings the blunt up to her mouth. Before you came over you asked Johnny not to stare at her so as not to make her nervous and choke, and he graciously shared this with the other four people scattered in the living room. Everyone else is either watching the Tame Impala music video Johnny’s chosen, talking, or on their phones and you’re sure Yeji is grateful the attention isn’t on her. You wanted the first time she smoked to be with just you, but she insisted on going with you to meet new people, with her being a new transfer and all. 
“Inhale slowly,” you mutter. “You don’t have to hold it in long. Just take an extra inhale after then blow it out when you’re ready.” She does as told, taking a fairly short hit, and not even a second later she lets out a small puff of smoke as she releases strained coughs, patting her chest to get it all out.
“It hit you back, huh?” Johnny asks with a friendly smile.
“Yeah,” Yeji croaks, giggling around a final cough. “Felt like someone punched me in the throat.”
She doesn’t bother with a second try, she just leans over to pass it to Johnny then settles a little closer to you than before. She grabs the bottle of water you tucked into your side and takes a few gulps, sighing in relief once the irritation goes away. 
“You gonna try again or are you done?” you ponder before drinking some water yourself at the reminder you’ve had it the whole time. 
Yeji shrugs softly. “We’ll see when it comes back around.”
The attention is soon on Johnny bickering with one of the other guys, Jaehyun, about the music playing. You watch as Johnny animatedly speaks, arguing that this is the perfect music to listen to right now against Jaehyun’s claim that it’s fucking up his high and that he wants to hear Bryson Tiller or Brent Faiyaz. Johnny makes everyone vote and Jaehyun grumbles at how everyone, including you, chooses the former option, and you shake a little fist of victory, smiling cutely when eye contact is made. Jaehyun’s mouth twitches like he’s refusing to smile back, his eyes rolling in defeat. When Johnny is changing the song, Yeri passes you her blunt from her seat on the stool she pulled out. 
Yeji tilts her head and the roles are reversed; she’s observing you now. You do a simple trick for her, just puffing out a cloud of smoke before sucking it back in. It’s when you blow the smoke in her general direction that you get an idea. 
“If you don’t wanna hit it again, I could shotgun you,” you suggest.
“What is that?”
“I blow smoke into your mouth,” you elaborate for her. 
It takes her all but one second to nod, a small smile on her lips. You point to your own mouth after filling it up with smoke, gesturing for her to pucker her lips the way you are. You blow a steady stream into her mouth and she sucks it in smoothly, holding the smoke in for a little while before exhaling. 
“Better, right?” you ask and she nods, grinning.
“What about me?” You look over at the other couch to the owner of the voice, nosily trying to see who he’s talking to and what he’s talking about this time. What you don’t expect is for Jaehyun to be looking at you expectantly. He’s slouched into the cushions, legs spread, and face propped up by his fist. His eyes are low and there’s a small grin playing on his lips. When you stare at him blankly for a while—both because you’re still registering that the guy you’ve only smoked with a few times and never exchanged more than simple greetings to just asked you to get in his face and blow smoke into his mouth, and because the way his eyes take you would make you gag if it were literally anybody else—he gives you a half-hearted pout and fakes a couple coughs, saying “I’m not used to smoking woods.”
He’s lying and he’s got to know that you know he’s lying because you’ve smoked with him each time you’ve been here in the month you’ve been acquainted with Johnny (with them being roommates and all). Johnny’s facial expression as you hand him what’s left to put in the bong also shows that his friend is lying. But for some reason (because the first time you met him you definitely did a double-take, you like his overall laid back vibe, and you like his taste in music for the most part), you humor him anyway.
“Hey,” you call to Yeji, rubbing her knee to get her to look away from the thread she’s picking at. “You mind if I go over there for a second?” you ask, pointing to the couch next to you. She just smiles and shakes her head, and you know she’s high by this cute, dopey smile that takes up half of her face and turns her eyes into crescents. You fix her necklace so that the clasp is hidden behind her neck and tell her: “Just let me know if you start feeling bad and want to go home, okay? We’ll leave immediately.”
“He’s cute and he’s been looking at you all night,” she discloses, encouraging you to go with a nod of her head in Jaehyun’s direction. “Don’t worry about me, get some play.”
You snort. “Unlikely.”
Jaehyun’s eyes hadn’t left you since they fell on you, you realize when you make your way over to sit next to him—facing Yeji, of course—and nothing but confidence can be detected in his features. This is going to be interesting, you can tell just by how the corners of your mouth are already lifting.
You fold your legs under you and take the unlit blunt (that he rolled with a backwood, by the way) from his lap and spark it. “Ready?” 
Jaehyun’s answer is bringing his face closer to yours. Your gaze falls to his mouth right before you blow the smoke into it and it lingers as he puckers his lips and sucks in. It stays after he’s backed away a little, after he’s exhaled and let everything out. 
He raises an eyebrow at you, entertained by how stuck you are just looking at him. You can’t help it, though. Your first impression of him had been that he’s attractive, but up close like this, you realize he’s fine as fuck. He’s got a playful look in his eyes, almost mischievous, and it has you curious. He’s had you curious since the moment he said more than just “wassup” to you. 
“Are you in a different dimension?”
“Not yet,” you hum. “Just wondering why you lied so you could get me this close to you.”
He exhales noisily out his nose, amused. “I think you know why.”
You hum before taking another hit, shaking your head in amusement. 
Jaehyun leans into you again and waits patiently for a repeat of your previous exchange, the corner of his mouth still quirked up.
You take time to briefly size him up. You don’t even like beanies, but he looks good in the white one he’s wearing, paired with a plain black shirt and jeans. He doesn’t have to do much to stand out, so you can’t even knock him for just how bold he is. And he hasn’t been rude to or weird with you at all in the time you’ve been around him. So you blow into his mouth again, a bit closer this time. 
You hand the blunt over to Winwin, hardly removing your eyes from the man in front of you in the process.
“You could have just started a conversation with me like everyone else did,” you continue the conversation from before.
“I could have, but that would have been boring.”
“You would have been looking stupid if I said no,” you chuckle, leaning into the couch more, bringing a smile onto Jaehyun’s face. You like his mouth, you mentally conclude. The shape of his teeth, of his lips, and the rosy color keep you drawn in. 
He shrugs lightheartedly. “I didn’t doubt it would work, so the thought didn’t even cross my mind, actually.”
A familiar giggle reaches your ears and you look up to see Yeji and Yeri looking at the former’s phone, talking amongst themselves about whatever is on the screen. You smile to yourself, happy she’s able to adapt so easily. 
“Is she younger than you?” Jaehyun asks, returning your attention to him.
“Yeah, why?”
“You were just smiling at her like a proud mother,” he explains.
“I gotta make sure my baby is okay,” you retort, sticking your nose up. “Nah, but I have taken her under my wing since we became roommates.”
“My throat hurts from smoking, will you make sure I’m okay?” 
You lift a brow. “You want me to be your mother?” 
“If you’re into that.” 
“I might be.” You grin at effectively catching him off guard. You really did not expect for conversation to flow this well from the jump and you definitely are not complaining. “And I’ve watched you face a whole blunt that you rolled with a wood.”
Another smile slowly takes over his face, cocky as ever. “You watch me?”
You definitely could have worded that better, but your mind immediately leans towards saying yes because watching him provides you with the knowledge his face produces whiskers when he smiles that way and you’re becoming smitten already. It only took a few minutes.
“I guess in the small moments you’re not watching me,” you retort instead, not letting him forget he was watching you long enough to want you in the very position the two of you are in now. 
“How romantic,” Jaehyun lilts, unfazed by you flipping things onto him. “Guess this means we can skip the pussyfooting, huh?”
“And get to what, exactly?” you prompt him, leaning closer to him. He licks his lips at your actions, which shows him just a little more of your cleavage. He’s met with your pretty face covered in amusement when his gaze lifts back north. 
Lucas’s sudden presence beside you brings you out of the moment you and his friend have created, reminding you that there is still an active session taking place. You laugh to yourself as you lean back to give Jaehyun his personal space back and you take a hit, but he follows, apparently not wanting any distance. 
“You ask a lot of questions you already know the answer to,” he points out.
“Only because I want you to be a little more straight forward, love.”
“So you won’t dub me after I blatantly tell you what I want?” he asks skeptically. It’s the first glimpse of uncertainty you catch from him, and just because you enjoy this back and forth thing, you shrug slowly, blunt hanging from your lips. His mouth opens to speak again, but then your nickname is being called from the other couch.
You watch as Yeji takes a hit of a joint you’re not sure who rolled. You figure someone (probably Johnny or Yeri) did it to make things easier for her, and your heart gets a little warm at the thought of your newly acquainted friends being so kind. By the end of the show she gives you, she’s smiling and your face mirrors her expression.
“See! I told you that you’d get the hang of it quickly,” you encourage her, referring to how you told her that she’d be fine after her first attempt when she mentioned not wanting to keep coughing in front of everyone. “Take another hit, a little bigger.”
And she does so successfully. 
“You may be my new smoke buddy soon,” you continue to boost, sending a wink that makes Yeji smile slyly.
Your newest acquaintance’s laugh is all it takes for him to be the center of your attention again and you mentally judge yourself because it seems like the bare minimum is all it takes. Apparently, you’re the one that made him laugh, telling from his steady gaze on you. His teeth tug at his bottom lip while he nods slowly to himself in thought. 
“What?” you ask, smoking once more before it’s Jaehyun’s turn. 
”Nothing.” He shakes his head and takes a big yet rushed hit before passing it to Winwin and asking you in a strained voice, “Come with me real quick?”
You watch as he stands, releasing a thick cloud of smoke with his hand out for you to take. Your legs move on their own when they straighten out, as well as your hand when you take hold of the awaiting one ahead, and on your way out of the living room you mouth to Yeji that you’ll be back. Two thumbs up and suggestive brows are your response before she’s out of your vision.
Before Jaehyun opens the door he’s led you to, you read what’s on it: NKT in huge letters, followed by Valentine in a much smaller font. When the door is opened, a red light illuminates the bedroom and you let out an amused huff. 
“It all makes sense now,” you explain when Jaehyun turns around, a look of confusion on his pretty face. Red light does nothing but make him look better. “You are a prototype frat boy, Jaehyun.”
He laughs loudly, reaching behind you to close and lock the door--his solid chest rubbing against your shoulder in the process--before he plops down into the chair at his desk. A hand gestures for you to sit on his bed, and after a small inspection, you do so. His legs push him until his knees almost knock into your own.
“What makes you say that?” he asks, shifting to lounge back comfortably, resulting in his thighs caging in your own. The quirk of his lips, the tilted chin, and hooded eyes are close to being too much for you to handle in the privacy of his room when at least three blunts were smoked before escaping the living room. You don’t give in to the warm feeling that builds within you, though.
“Your music taste, for one,” you begin, with a shake of your head. “Toxic.”
“So that’s why you voted against Brent.” His smile only gets bigger when you nod like it was obvious from the start. “Bryson isn’t even toxic.”
“What’s your favorite song by him?” 
He hums in brief thought before answering. “Let Me Expla-“
“Exactly.” He makes this way too easy. “Anyway”— you ignore how attractive his deep chuckle is and continue—“You’re corny but smooth as hell, too.”
Jaehyun’s the one in disbelief this time. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He looks really good in red lighting. “‘Corny?’”
“Absolutely,” you affirm. “It works for you, though.”
You hear him mutter corny under his breath as if he’ll never wrap his head around the fact that adjective was used concerning him, but he prompts you to continue telling him about himself. “Anything else?”
“Do you keep the lights on red?” you ask.
“It’s my favorite color.” There’s a stare-off of sorts that lasts for a few long moments before Jaehyun cracks and looks away with a defeated laugh. “Alright, you got me.”
You throw your head back and let out a laugh that rivals Lucas’s high volume. “The worst.”
“The best,” he corrects. He waits until your little fit of laughter ends and you’re looking at him again to continue. With a lick of his lips, he says, “I can show you.”
“I’m sure you could.” Your cheeks are going to start hurting if you smile or laugh anymore, but you’re okay with that. “Try me when I don’t have someone out there waiting for me.”
“She’s in good hands with Yeri, no?”
While that is true, she’s your company and you already feel like you’ve been away for too long. She encouraged you to engage in some hoetivities, but you don’t want to be that friend. You came back here out of curiosity because Jaehyun is an intriguing guy, that’s it. Your curiosity has been satisfied and you’re here every weekend anyway.
“I’m here every weekend, hun.”
He lets out a disappointed sigh, but nods nonetheless. “I respect it. You’re a good friend.”
“I am,” you agree, standing up in between his legs, hand out for him to get up.
It’s no surprise that he doesn’t just take your hand as leverage to get up, but holds it and examines the ring on your finger. 
“This is pretty,” he stalls. It takes a little effort not to smile at this.
“Thank you. You ready now?”
Jaehyun sighs. “A week?”
“The wait will be worth it, I promise.” Yes, you’re playing a little hard to get and yes, it has a lot to do with the fact you already want to be in his bed underneath him as well as pillowtalk and innocently feel how soft his skin is. You want to feel his energy out a little more before getting to all that, though.
He clutches your hand and rises out of his seat, standing extremely close to you. After a long moment of his gaze being locked on your grinning lips, he asks, “Can I get a kiss to hold me off?”
His persistence doesn’t bother you in the slightest. Rather, it does the opposite. This handsome man with the most enticing voice and mouth (and face, if you’re being completely honest) is so clearly into you and he doesn’t mind letting you know, all without being unnecessarily vulgar. 
The kiss you press against his mouth is short, simple. Jaehyun’s response is delayed, as if he doesn’t register that you didn’t tease him about it and actually gave him what he wanted for the first time since the shotguns from earlier, until you’re already lowering to flat feet, and he doesn’t let you get far before his lips apply more pressure and your bottom lip is sandwiched. He leans down and his hands stop at your waist, gradually bringing your body flush against his.
Surprisingly, Jaehyun’s the one to pull away, ending the kiss by softly sucking on your bottom lip. You swallow the whimper in the back of your throat when your eyes flutter open and see how his own glazed over eyes are looking down at you. 
“Come alone next time.”
You nod, licking your lips. 
Jaehyun is smacked when you walk into his and Johnny’s apartment a week later. Alone (Yeji got homesick so she’s gone until Sunday). It’s pretty warm outside but he’s got on a black long sleeve shirt that fits him well, and the silver chain around his neck only adds on to his overall attractiveness. His eyes are low and red as he stares at whatever is playing ahead at such a low volume you can’t hear anything above the ruckus coming from the kitchen. Your entry goes unnoticed by him, and after greeting everyone in the kitchen and making your way into the living room, you see he’s watching the latest Bryson Tiller video. Your laugh is what brings him out of his trance, his eyes slowly sliding over your form and lingering on your bare thighs. 
“You good?” you ask, sitting down beside him. 
“I am now.” His dimples are on full display and you can’t even say anything when his hand instantly finds your thigh. “Took you long enough.”
“I’m not even the last to get here,” you scoff. 
“Been thinking about you,” he admits. And while you’re definitely in the same boat, you’re way too sober to be as open as him. 
“I see,” you pat his own thigh. “Why are you alone over here?”
Jaehyun shrugs, removing his hand from your thigh in favor of draping his arm behind you across the top of the couch. “They’re doing too much for me tonight.”
“Did I miss something?” you inquire, slowly but not-so-subtly reaching for the blunt resting on the arm of the chair on the other side of him. He picks it up and hands it to you himself, and you give him a pretty smile to express your gratitude. 
“We’re having game night tonight,” he begins to explain, and just saying these words brings stress to his features and tone. “and I faced two blunts before everyone got here thinking it was just gonna be chill.”
His words have been coming out a little slower than the last time you were here and his low eyes seemingly have tunnel vision. You thoroughly enjoy being the center of his attention, you realize.
You nod at his explanation. You understand where he’s coming from, because once you get to his level you like to be alone or at least quiet while watching a movie or listening to music.
As you spark the blunt, you ask him a question you already know the answer to. But what can you say, you like the way he boosts your head. “Want me to leave you alone for a while?”
Jaehyun’s response is nonverbal. First he side-eyes you, causing you to take a drag to stop yourself from giggling. Then he rolls his eyes and fits his arm between your body and the couch cushion to pull you into his side by your waist. You get comfortable, curling your legs up to rest them on his lap, and his hand falls to your hip.
“Aw,” you exhale. “You like me.”
He breathes out his nose in amusement, using his free hand to grab his cup from the mini table beside the couch and drink a few gulps. You find yourself watching how he licks a drop of the clear liquid off of his bottom lip before you rip your gaze away in favor of paying attention to the screen ahead. Now Brent Fiyaz is playing and your nose scrunches.
“Want me to change it?” Jaehyun offers, but you stop him before he can reach for the remote.
“Nah, it’s okay. I’m barely paying attention to it.” You wave off, rolling your eyes when he grins slyly at the indirect implication that he’s all you care about giving your attention to at the moment. “Is this yours or is it for everyone?” you ask, gesturing the blunt. 
“It’s yours, baby.”
This man is dangerous. You don’t really care for pet names, especially coming from men, but the way he just rasped those three words makes you hum and curl deeper into his hold. 
“Oh, you really like me,” you joke as not to expose yourself and the fact you’re only becoming more fond of him as the seconds go by. 
“Do y’all want anything from the store?” Winwin asks from in front of you, startling the pair of you. 
“Coconut water please? With pulp!” He seemingly types it into his notes before waiting for Jaehyun to answer. 
“The blue Calypso.”
You pull your phone out, opening Cash App. “What’s your cash tag, Win?” 
“I got it. I’ll be back soon,” he tells you before turning around and disappearing down the hall leading to the door.
“All of you are so kind,” you sigh happily, resting your head on the top of the couch, immediately back in your little bubble. He laughs under his breath as he watches you smoke for a while. “What’s funny?”
“You’ll think differently when you meet Haechan and Renjun— actually, I take that back. Haechan will be up your ass.”
“Is he your little? Following in your footsteps?” you ask, getting closer to his face with a smile. 
He analyzes you for a moment, and he nods after a while, chuckling. 
“You got it.” Jaehyun admits defeat, his hand slowly traveling lower until his fingers are spread across a cheek. Your smile widens, both because you like winning and the warm feeling of his hand on your ass. “I don’t have the brain to think of a comeback right now.”
“Well that’s no fun.” You pout. A quiet squeak escapes you when his hand squeezes, the action taking you by surprise, especially in the new state you’re in. “You’ve been waiting to do that all week, huh?”
“Nah, but after we smoke Jungkook’s shit I can show you what I’ve actually been waiting to do,” he tells you, his face a little closer and the hand on your ass not shy in the slightest, adjusting to get an even better grip on the cheek before adding on: “Sound good?”
It sounds like a plan to you. You’ve never really been touchy towards men that weren’t your boyfriends or allowed men to get handsy with you, especially during the first couple times of being around them, but the raw attraction between you and Jaehyun leaves little room for you to care. And it’s not exactly something you can ignore, especially with how it doesn’t take much to reel you into him. 
“Sounds great,” you hum, taking one last drag before leaning over his body to put the blunt out in the ashtray on the side table. His fingers lightly trace the curve of your back as you steal his cup and smell it, finding that it’s just water inside, proceeding to drink from it before digging into your purse to get some gum and lip gloss. You offer him a piece, and end up plopping it into his awaiting mouth. The grateful smile he offers in return summons the want to lean in and kiss him, but you choose to retrieve your mini hand sanitizer and lotion out of your bag instead.
“This might be the boujee-est shit I’ve ever seen,” he laughs, though sounding enamored.
“I like to smell good.” This is definitely not the first time you’ve gotten this comment.
He takes the opportunity to leisurely lean into you and nuzzle his face into your neck. His nose drags along the length of it, and you feel the movement of his soft lips when he tells you: “You do smell amazing.”
“You doubted it?” you tease, but the airiness of your voice gives away the effect he has on you. Goosebumps decide to decorate your arms at his antics and your heartbeat quickens. 
“Not at all.” And then you feel a soft kiss being pressed to the front of your throat. Followed by another, and another until he’s slowly made his way up to your ear. He takes your earlobe gently in between his lips, pulling a short distance until it snaps back into place. “Am I doing too much?”
“No.” You put a hand on the back of his head, silently letting him know he’s free to continue and do whatever he wants. You even place your purse back behind you so there’s nothing in the way of however he chooses to touch you. “No marks, though.”
The feeling of his pout against your skin makes you giggle. “That’s no fun.”
“I might let you mark a different part of my body later.”
“I guess that’s better,” he easily accepts, now trailing open-mouthed kisses southward as his hand continues to slowly feel you up. You bite your lip after a faint whimper escapes you, to which he hums appreciatively at. It’s baffling just how sensitive you are to everything related to the man currently making his way back up to the point of being eye to eye. “You’re gonna make me end the night early.”
“You are going to make yourself do that,” you correct him, eyes dipping down to his pouty lips. You want them back on you. “I haven’t done anything.”
“Keep looking at me like that and see what happens,” he says, voice deeper than before. But you like playing this game with him a bit too much.
You relax your eyelids just a little more and lick your lips. Gently scraping your nails down the nape of his neck, you ask, “Like what?”
“I will give everyone out here a show to watch,” Jaehyun threatens lightly. 
And to pull his leg just a tad more, you hum as if you wouldn’t mind that scenario playing out, nibbling on your lower lip. “You promise?”
Your name is called dangerously low, and you know you’ve got him exactly where you wanted him. 
You close the very little distance between your lips and give him a peck. 
“We can leave as soon as we’re done smoking,” you promise him, returning back to your lighthearted energy. Jungkook always brings something you’ve never smoked before and as tempting as Jaehyun is, he’s not the only person you came here to see and spend time with. You honestly forgot as much until just now. 
Jaehyun takes a little longer to snap out of the trance you put him in, and he laughs under his breath, shaking his head.
“Promise?” he asks, childishly lifting his pinky. You link pinkies and press your thumbs together. “Seal it?”
You roll your eyes fondly and give him what he wants. It’s when his hand on your backside returns and grips a little harder that you have to cut the kiss short before the two of you actually make a scene because you can’t control yourself. He really has the softest lips you’ve ever kissed and the scent of his cologne and marijuana combined is intoxicating. 
“I’m gonna go over there for a while.” You gesture to the kitchen and remove yourself from his hold to stand up and pull your dress down into place. It’s half an excuse to get back to get a grip on yourself because while you clearly have an affect on him, there’s literally no reason you become putty in Jaehyun’s hands so quickly. “You coming?”
“I might,” he replies, adjusting his sweatpants. 
You hum and walk over to where everyone is gathered with a grin on your face. Johnny lifts an arm for you to fit under.
“Glad to have you back.”
“You could’ve called me over if you missed me,” you tsk playfully, giving him an one-armed hug. “I was smoking.”
“You were doing way more than smoking, love.” You side-eye him, not expecting him to call you out. “I didn’t expect you two to be a thing.”
“Yeah,” you exhale, taking a glance at the man of the hour. He appears to be texting, slumped heavily into the couch now, brown hair covering most of his side profile. “Me either.”
“Just don’t forget about me after tonight.”
You lift a brow. “You’ve discussed tonight?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Johnny chuckles. “Jae just doesn’t bullshit when he finally finds someone he’s interested in. And this is the first conversation we’ve had since you got here like,” he taps his phone until it lights up. “Over half an hour ago.”
You frown. “I said hi to everyone first.”
“I’m not getting on you.” Johnny laughs. “I just have a good feeling you’re gonna be here more often.”
“Can’t believe you got me making out with a damn frat boy,” you mumble, shaking your head.
“You got something against Greek life?” Johnny asks, lifting an offended brow. 
“Oh shit,” you laugh, taken aback. “You too?”
Lucas overhears your conversation and starts laughing. “You should cut back on smoking if you’re just now realizing that.”
Your response to that is mocking him in a deep voice and squinted eyes, to which he just blows a kiss in response. You gag, only for his infamous laugh to sound throughout the room. 
You met Johnny in class when he sat next to you, he asked you if you smoked after giving him the answers the whole time, and the rest is history. He never gave you frat vibes. In hindsight, you don’t know how you missed it. His personality screams Greek life. 
“I mean, y’all are chill compared to—“
“Just wait until later.”
“Are there gonna be a lot of people?” you ask, removing yourself from Johnny’s hold to lift your body onto the counter in front of him. Yeri hands you a shot glass filled with clear liquor, the two of you clink your glasses together and down them. 
“Well, Haechan can’t enjoy himself for long unless he’s got an audience so probably.” Johnny gives you his cup of juice to chase it. 
You nod. You want to meet him before disappearing for the night. 
“Can I see your room?” you ask after a while, your curiosity getting to you. “I wanna see what type of frat boy you are.”
“Surprised you haven’t been back there already.”
You hop off the marble, Johnny holding his arm out to steady you. “You always let me fall asleep on the couch instead of being a gentleman and carrying me to your bed.”
“I’m sure Jaehyun will carry you to his bed from now on,” he counters with a taunting smile. You hear Yeri snort before you’re pushed out of the kitchen. 
On the way to Johnny’s side of the apartment, you see that Jungkook finally made it, seated where you once were. You wave at him before disappearing down the hall. You don’t miss the way Jaehyun’s eyes followed you until they no longer could, hardly paying attention to what his friend is telling him, and you feel a wave of heat wash over you. Yeah, there won’t be a lot of socializing once you’re done smoking.
Once again, you’re met by big letters reading NKT, only this time the subtitle says Father. 
“Father?” you snort. “Really?”
“What can I say, they look up to me.” He shrugs, opening the door and gesturing for you to go in first. “They’re my sons.”
You make a comment about him being funny as you take in his room, which is very different from his roommate’s. He has fairy lights instead, as well as artificial vines decorating his walls with a couple of posters of movie covers. When you take a seat on his bed, you pull a whale plushie into your chest. 
“You’re a softie,” you conclude from your inspection. 
“Something like that,” he agrees easily.
Through the opened door, you can hear Jaehyun yell something about whatever Jungkook just did, sounding amused, and that brings your mind back to him. 
“So, daddy,” and you see him lose brain cells before he makes a face of disgust, then his expression changes like he could actually get used to being addressed as such. “Okay don’t get any ideas, please.”
“It has a nice ring to it,” he admits.
“I’m actually surprised no one has ever called you that before.”
“You could be the first—”
“I’m literally about to fuck your best friend?” you remind him, but then his facade cracks and his lips quiver into a shit eating grin. You pout. “You’re annoying.”
He nods proudly. “I’ve been told.”
“Anyway. Do I have to worry about anything being involved with him?” You’re not planning on taking him seriously or anything, but messing around with a frat boy…
“Nah,” Johnny exhales, leaning against his dresser. “You’d catch something from me before him.”
You make a face, throwing his plushie to the opposite side of the bed in disgust. “Don’t ever try me after telling me that.”
You’re glad he understood what you meant but gross. 
“I always wrap it up,” he informs you. “Plus, I would’ve had you by now if I wanted you.” Before you can disagree, he continues. “But Jaehyun’s… picky. And you’re his type.”
“Okay let’s not try to sell him to me, I’ve already made my mind up.”
“I’m serious. No one ever knows who he’s fucking or talking to aside from hearing it—loudly— yet you had a whole scene on the couch...” He gestures to you vaguely. “I wouldn’t have let you entertain him the other night if there was something or someone to worry about, for real.” 
You hum, nodding slowly as you take in this information. “I appreciate it.” 
“You know I got you,” he winks. “But apparently Kook brought some shit from Colorado. Anything else you wanna see?”
“Nah, we can go. But I might have to come back here more, I like the aesthetics.” You compliment, touching the fake plants. 
He smiles proudly. “Yeah. Women love it here.”
You fake a gag as you walk out, telling him you change your mind. 
Winwin comes back right as you enter the living room and he hands the bag to you because you’re the closest to him and mumbles that he really needs to go to the bathroom, so you take it upon yourself to hand everything out. When you get to Jaehyun, he doesn’t let you walk away.
“Sit with me,” he hardly requests, glancing down at his lap. You do a quick glance over at everybody, those who are paying attention looking at the pair of you curiously. Aside from Johnny, who’s expression reads, told you. Jungkook spares you and scoots over for you, and you quietly thank him as you take your original spot in between the two males. His arm is back around you and soon, you find yourself curled right back into him like you never left. “You good?” 
Your brows furrow at the whispered question, then he nods at his roommate, and you’re smiling teasingly. 
“Not you getting jealous.”
“Never that.” Jaehyun chuckles deeply. “Johnny’s not stupid.”
“I hate to say it,” you begin, pausing specifically for the way he impatiently juts his head forward. You take your time opening your bottle of coconut water, even taking a sip. “I might be as whipped as you are.” 
And almost as if furthering your point, you pick his free hand up and start playing with his fingers and the rings that adorn them. You’re sure it has a lot to do with the information you were given. No point in deluding yourself into acting like it didn’t make pride swell up within you. 
Oh, and he has pretty hands.
“You know you’re staying the night, right?” 
You lift your head to find the most self-satisfied smile on his face, dimples poking and whiskers showing. Guess you said the right thing. “Am I, now?”
You’re not very social during this smoke session. 
Usually you’re pulled into a conversation by either Johnny, Lucas, or Yeri, but even they aren’t as chatty as usual. 
Your head is back against the top of the couch, eyelash extensions taking up half of your vision. On the right of you, Jaehyun’s positioned in a manspread, mindlessly caressing and squeezing your thigh while watching the movie that Johnny put on. You can’t even keep up with the plot. It’s just noise, actors, and the pleasant burn of Jaehyun’s hand on your bare skin. 
To your left, you hear a chuckle, and after lolling your head in Jungkook’s direction, you see him smiling at you, very clearly amused at how stuck you are. 
“Some good shit, huh?”
You hum in affirmation. “I can feel the vibration of the pipes in the walls.” 
Both men surrounding you laugh at your mumbled confession. “Just let me know if you want some before I leave.” 
“You staying for game night?” Jaehyun asks, leaning over you to communicate quietly as his hand grazes up your leg, settling right under where your dress stops high on your thighs.
“Probably until someone asks me to serve them,” Jungkook shrugs.
“I’m ready when you are,” the brunet quietly tells you, lips brushing against your ear. You bite your lip at the feeling, your senses heightened. Aside from quite literally feeling and hearing the walls vibrate, Jaehyun’s careless ministrations on your thigh for the last twenty or so minutes is another reason you’re so quiet and stuck. You don’t know what strain this is, but it’s got you horny and sensitive as hell. 
“‘M ready,” you tell him, turning your head in his direction now. You blink slowly, taking in his gorgeous face and he does the same for what feels like ages, before he’s seemingly had enough and pushes himself up. And just like last time, he offers a hand to help you. You appreciate the assistance even more this time around. 
Fingers interlaced, you and Jaehyun make it to his room. The walk feels like it takes forever, your steps are light and you just let him guide you inside. You feel the shift in atmosphere due to the hue of his room as he shuts and locks the door, then you find yourself being gently pulled toward his bed and onto his lap once he’s seated at the foot of the mattress. 
You smile, lifting your knees up one at a time to straddle him, looking down at the brunet with heavy eyes, and you’re reminded of how handsome he looks in red lighting. 
“You are so fucking fine,” he laughs in disbelief, shaking his head before planting lingering kisses on your lips. Jaehyun takes his time, hands rubbing up your thighs until they get to your hips. You sigh, slumping into his body even more, wrapping your arms around his neck as you deepen the kiss. You can’t help but to suck his bottom lip into your mouth after thinking about it on and off for the last week, which results in your hips being pressed harder against his own. 
The position caused the hem of your dress to rise to your waist and his hands are warm and strong on your hips, slowly guiding the way your lower half grinds and rolls into his own. The soft cotton of his sweatpants feels nice against the back of your thighs and bare ass, and the growing erection lined up perfectly with your clit is an even greater feeling. 
Once you’ve absentmindedly caught onto his rhythm and move on your own, Jaehyun grabs both cheeks, groaning as he grips the soft muscles. If your eyes weren’t already closed, they’d roll to the back of your head because of the sound that vibrates your chest and the gradual intensity of the handfuls he takes. 
You almost whine when he breaks the kiss, and when you open your eyes to see why he did so, he’s nibbling on his lower lip, biting back a grin as he admires your face and the way your brows are scrunched, lips parted to let out little hums and breaths of pleasure. With your attention no longer on kissing him, you become aware of the mess soaking through your thong and no doubt all over his pants where you’re rutting against him. 
“Feel good?” he asks, licking his lips. You nod, about to give him a verbal answer, but then Jaehyun lifts his hips as you roll down and your jaw drops, only a loud whimper coming out. “You wanna cum like this?”
You shake your head no. You’re sure you could if you tried with how you already feel the pleasure building in the pit of your stomach, but you want more. It’s just a little hard to effectively communicate with a dry mouth that is only producing pants and moans right now.
“What do you want then?” Jaehyun prompts softly, leaning back in to trail kisses up your neck to your jaw. You can feel his grin as he continues to mumble against your skin. “You want my fingers?” 
“Mhmm.” You nod. 
“What else?“ The tip of his tongue plays with your earlobe. “You gonna let me taste you?”
“Yes,” you moan, voice finally—still barely—coming out. 
Jaehyun’s deep hum in your ear makes your hips twitch and his dick presses right where you need him. You almost say fuck it and let yourself cum from simply dry humping him but as soon as the though crosses your mind, Jaehyun seemingly hears it and lifts you up to set you down on the bed. 
“Now?” he asks, playing with the hem of your dress, tickling your lower abdomen. The low timber of his voice could convince you to do anything and let him do anything he wanted. 
“Yeah,” you pant, nodding. 
“Not next week?” He cocks his head. 
“Jaehyun,” you whine lowly, looking up at him with pleading eyes. You’re not sure when the tables turned and when he got so much self control but you can feel your heartbeat in your pussy and you need him to make you cum. 
He sends you a charming smile, settling on his knees in between your legs. Jaehyun takes his time to push your dress up, dragging his knuckles against your skin, taking a moment to look at your soiled red thong, fingertips brushing along your slit, before tugging your upper body towards him to pull the black cotton off of you completely, throwing it somewhere out of sight. 
He rubs wide circles over your clit as your tongues swirl and collide, grinning when you whimper and fist the fabric of his shirt to pull him impossibly closer to your body. 
“You smell so good,” he practically moans against your pulse point, sucking and biting enough to curl your fingers tighter around his shirt but not enough to mark— you hope. You hardly have the brain to think about that right now.
“I taste better,” you manage to retort, which earns you a chuckle and one last nibble. 
Your breath is unstable when you watch him crawl backwards, pulling your thong down on his way to the foot of the bed. Inner thighs get nipped and kissed, outer thighs caressed. The delicate way you’re being treated brings a dazed smile to your face and your hands in his hair, feeling how soft the strands are. Your long nails scratch his scalp at the feeling of the tip of his tongue going up your slit. 
He hums, satisfied with your taste, giving more subtle swipes of the wet muscle before he applies more pressure, slipping in between your folds. In no rush at all, he flicks over your entrance and clit, up and down as his arms wrap around your thighs, pulling your core even closer to his face. 
Jaehyun lazily laps at your leaking arousal, eyes piercing and not letting your own venture away from the contact. He monitors the twitch of your eyebrow, the bite of your lower lip, and makes sure to keep doing whatever keeps you expressive. 
You remove a hand from his hair to pull your skin up, exposing your clit from beneath the hood for the direct stimulation you need, and Jaehyun’s kitten licks give exactly that. 
“Oh,” you gasp, hips jolting up. He doesn’t try to force them back down, instead moving with your motions as your hips roll to chase stimulation. “Fuck, just like that.”
The vibration of his hum tightens your hold on his hair. One arm unravels only for a finger tip to circle around your hole a few times, getting wetter each go around, before the digit is carefully breaching until it’s fully nestled in. Jaehyun gives a few pumps, the pace of his flickering tongue not faltering in the slightest. 
Your body feels so light, so sensitive, so alert to every movement of his pretty mouth, every thrust of his fingers as the second one stretches you, every flex of the hand still on your thigh, keeping your legs wide for him.
Jaehyun blinks slowly and lazily until his eyes just stay closed, then there’s a shift before the passes of his tongue have more pressure behind them and the digits inside of you have more force behind them. His fingers grip the meat of your thigh harder in an almost bruising way and the slight pain makes you grip the comforter beneath you to save his scalp. 
“Gonna... ” you try to warn him, voice strangled and breath ragged, to which he hums and buries his face deeper than before. His tongue flicks up, down, and all around your clit to pull the orgasm out of you, and doesn’t stop even when he accomplishes. “Oh my fucking God, Jae— yes.”
He hums, fingers curling up and hitting every spot to amplify the pleasure when your walls tighten and prevent his in and out motion. Latched onto your clit, pulling back with a wet pop multiple times to prolong your orgasm, succeeding in making your legs shake around his head until you have to tug on his hair—hard—to get him to stop. 
Your juices glisten on the lower half of his face, you notice in a haze as he rises up fully. Jaehyun licks his lips and comments on how good you taste. 
You reach for him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He licks into your mouth and you suck on his tongue, tasting yourself. The kiss is briefly interrupted by Jaehyun pulling his shirt off, then he’s back to hovering over you, on his knees, with his tongue down your throat.
Three digits stretch you open, Jaehyun’s palm hitting your sensitive clit each time he thrusts into you. One hand in his hair, your other slides down the front of his body, fingers tugging on the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down as far as the position allows you to before you wrap a hand around him. 
“Can you fuck me now?” you plead against his lips, even more turned on by the distance between your thumb and middle finger as you pump his dick. He’s warm and heavy in your hand and you’re ready for him to be inside of you after sabotaging yourself into waiting a week. His hand is getting you close to the edge again and you think you might cry if this gets dragged out any longer. 
Laughing, he nods and disconnects from you to remove his sweatpants completely and get a condom out from inside of his nightstand. He opens the foil and slides the rubber on quickly before climbing back in between your spread legs. 
You nibble your bottom lip in anticipation as Jaehyun runs his tip along your slit, gathering your dripping arousal before pushing into you slowly. Your jaw drops at the same time he releases a deep groan, brows scrunched as he stretches you out. 
“Good?” Jaehyun asks, fully sheathed. You hum, nodding violently. 
His thrusts start off shallow and careful, but once the glide has no resistance and your hands search for a body part of his to hold, Jaehyun grabs the back of your legs and pushes until your knees are at your shoulders, hips moving faster and dick sinking deeper and deeper. 
Your breath catches in your throat and eyebrows scrunch at the pleasure of his tip repeatedly hitting that spot within you. 
“Hold your legs for me, baby.” You do as told, grabbing your calves. Jaehyun smiles, head tilted looking down at you with dark eyes. “Mm good girl.” 
You moan, stretching your neck for another kiss. Abiding, Jaehyun settles his weight on one hand above your head and bends down to lick filthily into your mouth, hardly swallowing the sounds of your high pitched whines and cries. You doubt you could be heard over the music blasting from the other side of the door anyway. 
“Wish you didn’t wait a week now, huh?” Jaehyun taunts, pulling your lip with his perfect teeth. You don’t even have to respond with words because your hiccuped noises are enough of an answer, the way you clench around him is, too. You wanna wipe the smug look off of his handsome face, but he angles his hips to hit places you’d never reached before. 
“Fuck fuck fuck,” you cry, just taking the onslaught of pent up desire that feels better with each stroke. Your fingers begin slipping, sweat interfering with your grip. Jaehyun notices and uses his free hand to guide a leg to drape over his shoulder, and you do the same with your other leg. “So good.”
“Say it again.”
“It feels so good,” you whine, gripping his hair. “So fucking good, oh my God.”
“I know.” His hips change pace, opting for deep, slow strokes as he scatters kisses starting from your calf to your inner knee. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, but he isn’t having it. “Open your eyes and look at me.” 
You struggle to do so, but still manage. 
Jaehyun coos at your obedience, free hand slipping between your bodies to swipe at your clit. “Want you to look me in my eyes when you come, okay?”
“Okay,” you try to say, voice hardly coming out. 
“Okay?” Jaehyun presses, pace picking back up to the point of your breasts bouncing wildly and the wind being knocked out of you. 
Your grip on his hair tightens, the built up pleasure so close to toppling over. “Yes.”
“Now come all over my dick.” Your body listens to his command within a few seconds, back arching off the mattress, toes curling, and walls clamping down on his cock. Tears leak from your eyes that want to close so bad and run down your temples as your silent scream turns into pathetic sobs. “Oh you’re so pretty, baby. Shit. There you go.”
Jaehyun’s thrusts go sloppy and rough now that you’ve come for him, bottoming out and finishing right behind you, spilling into the condom. His deep, melodic moan in your ear is something you want to hear again and again. 
He sits up after a long moment of breathing heavily into your neck, letting your legs fall back down on the bed as he disposes of the condom. “You want some water?”
You nod, your throat is dry as hell. You watch him slip his sweats back on before he walks out of the room, thankfully shutting the door behind him. 
Your legs are sore from their previous position but you don’t pay it much mind when you turn onto your side and press your face into his pillow, his scent enough to lure you into a dazed state after getting the rest of the little energy you had fucked out of you. 
Jaehyun’s presence isn’t noticed until you’re being turned back onto your back and told to sit up so you can drink from the bottle he brought you. He briefly disappears into his bathroom and returns with a warm rag to clean in between your legs.
“You’re staying with me tonight, right?” he asks softly, setting the now empty water bottle down on his nightstand. He smiles that handsome smile of his when you nod, and kisses you to the point of you lying back down. “Good. I’m not done with you yet.”
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haechanblr · 27 days ago
— body electric; j.jh
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— summary: you and jaehyun are friends, and you and jaehyun are roommates, and you and jaehyun really, really have the hots for each other. — pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader. — genre: smut; roommates!au. — word count: 3.7k (3741) — warnings: mutual masturbation, voyeurism, dirty talk, use of the pet name "kitten", mentions of oral sex (m!receiving), both of them are sooooo far gone for each other. — song: crush — cigarettes after sex. — a/n: so jaehyun cursed me and this is the result! i'm going thru it! (dedicated to my jsoulmate and favorite peachzen, @svtxsoju ❤️‍🔥)
Jaehyun is sure he’s imagining things.
Okay, well, maybe he’s not completely sure, but oh does he want to be. See, if he were to be imagining things, he’d simply be able to put a record into his player, focus on the music, close the book he’s been trying to read for the past few minutes, and have some time to himself. If he were imagining things, simply hearing your voice inside his head, seeing you dancing before his eyes in the sweetest of fantasies, then maybe, just maybe, he could think of a way to release the pent up tension that has his hands shaking by his sides.
The feeling in his chest though, the sound of his heart thumping violently against his ears and the heat rising to his cheeks really, unfortunately, lets him know he’s been hearing things right. And, God, as much as he likes being right, Jaehyun finds himself wishing that the sweet little moans coming from the room next door were as much of a dream as they had been ever since he had moved in with you.
He wonders how it all began, but deep down, he knows it had all been brewing from way back. A happy coincidence, an advertisement for a free room in a complex near campus, printed in a brightly-colored flyer that had caught his eye after his last medieval literature lecture of the semester and led him straight to you.
Enter Jaehyun, a last year literature student, desperately looking for a new place to live in after his best friend and roommate graduated from college and moved across the city. Enter you, a last year architecture student, desperately looking for a new roommate after your best friend, a quiet man named Dong Sicheng, agreed to move in with his girlfriend, leaving you with a free room and full rent deposit to pay.
And really, ignoring the almost immediate sexual tension, everything had started out well, but sadly, a line came to form between you and Jaehyun that the two of you had been too cautious to cross. Living together, and especially with all the pressures of a busy semester and a near graduation, was hard enough on its own to then add any sort of roommate drama on top. So you became friends.
Sure, friends who check each other out before leaving the house. Friends who look at each other during kiss scenes in movies wishing they could be brave enough to admit their feelings for each other, but still being careful enough so that the other person doesn’t meet their eyes. Friends who hug each other for a little longer than they should. Friends who hold onto the accidental hand grazing that came with handing each other a cup of freshly-brewed coffee in the mornings. And yeah, friends who have made out once or twice when going out partying, but friends nonetheless. Friends and nothing more.
“Fuck,” Jaehyun breathes out as he hears you cry out a little louder, feeling himself becoming hard under his light gray sweatpants. Do you even know he’s home?
He doesn’t even notice the moment he gets up from his bed, his copy of von Goethe’s Selected Poetry laying long forgotten on his bed. It’s almost as if his mind is blank, suddenly becoming a wandering man following your voice like a map that will finally bring him home. He walks faster than he can think and feels deeper than he can reason, and he’s not completely sure of how he’s gotten there, but he’s suddenly standing outside of your door with a tent in his pants and a hand balled up and ready to knock.
“Oh, God,” he hears, and he nearly has to pinch himself in the arm to make sure he’s not dreaming, as much as everything about the situation feels like a dream, because as soon as he’s there he notices the door isn’t closed.
It’s not wide open either, but rather somewhere in between, and Jaehyun quickly tries to find a place where he’s not visible from the inside. His breath gets caught in his throat, trying to tell himself that he should go back to his room and lock the door, leaving you alone in such an intimate moment but for some reason, he can’t bear to look away.
He wonders if he’s ever gonna get you out of his mind, or if you’re engraving yourself in the very deep, a friend, a crush, suddenly becoming a muse he’s set and ready to adore for as long as he’s living. He sees you laying down on your bed, bare naked, a light layer of sweat resting upon your skin and making you look like you’re glowing, a sort of vision like that of an oasis for a man who’s dying of thirst. It’s like you’ve bewitched him, like you’ve sung a siren song and pulled him to the deepest corners of the ocean, and he knows, deep down, that he’d follow you even if you were. He’d let himself be enchanted by you, any day and any way, because you’re magic in and out of yourself.
He drinks you up, bit by bit, moan by moan, trying to hold back one of his own as he grabs at his crotch, letting out a loud breath at the touch.
And you hear him, because your hand stops for a brief moment while you turn to look at the man standing outside your door. He’s some sort of desperate, knowing he’s caught, and knowing he should run away before you’ve given yourself time to react to him seeing you like this, but he doesn’t. He stands his ground, praying that you won’t stop singing, that you won’t break your spell, because he’s too far gone to let himself free. He wants to adore you the way a muse should be, venerate your body like you’re the highest form of art, let himself be devoted to you like his soul is telling him to.
“Sorry, I —”
“If you’re gonna watch, then you might as well have some fun too,” you whisper, quickly brushing your discarded brassiere off your bed and onto the hardwood floor. Jaehyun’s eyes follow the garment, taking it the entirety of its bright red lace, and he gulps as he feels his throat go dry. “If you’re hard enough yet, you know.”
He doesn’t find the words to respond, or, at least, the courage to actually speak them, but he takes a step into your room and closes the door behind him. He takes note of the music playing from your computer, propped up on your desk, not that far away from you, and he wonders if maybe you had been thinking of him while listening, because he recognizes the song and knows he’s thought of you while doing the same.
Looking away from your desk, his eyes meet yours once again, and Jaehyun can do nothing else but stare.
He finds his hand traveling lower and lower, somehow still entranced by your words, your shameless invitation and your watchful eyes, staring at him in the exact same way he's staring at you. He’s not sure if you’re both gonna end up regretting this, once the lust has faded and the adrenaline has run out, having to live with each other and see your faces every day, remembering just how desperate you had been in finding relief while using each other as an inspiration.
“Can I?” He asks, voice softer than the moment would ask for. He doesn’t elaborate, walking closer to your bed and nudging at the empty space right next to you.
You nod, scooting over to the other side of the bed as he comes to sit down next to you. He begins taking off his sweats, taking his time with the piece of clothing in what you assume is a method of seduction, but really, it’s really just him trying to hide the nervous shake in his hands that came with the adrenaline. He wants to appear smoother than he is, pretending he hasn’t been dreaming of being so close to you from the past few months, but the reddening of his ears gives him away. Or it would, at least, if you had noticed.
He lets the sweats fall down to the floor, joining your discarded lingerie, and moves so his bare arm touches yours as he falls into place. The movement of the bed, combined with the non-stopping movements of your fingers against your core has you producing a soft moan, one you don’t even try to hold back, mind completely fogged up with the only sense of clarity coming from Jaehyun’s skin brushing against yours.
“Fuck,” he hears you whisper, head thrown back as you let little whimpers roll off your lips without a care in the world. “This is s-so hot.”
Jaehyun agrees, but words are stuck in his throat as he moves his hand inside his boxers. He’s not sure if he’s simply imagining it or if his body temperature has actually risen, but as he grazes his fingers over his cock, the skin almost but burns at the touch. His eyelids flutter close, and he’s grateful he had sat right next to you on the bed, letting his back relax onto the headboard.
“I-I’m gonna take them off,” he says, fingers toying with the elastic rim of his boxers. “They feel too tight.”
You turn to look at him, lowering the motions of your hand to slow down but not stopping them altogether. Your fingers still graze upon your clit, allowing your body to take a breath as you watch Jaehyun slowly removing the fabric off his body. It feels like a waiting game, and you wonder if he’s doing it to purposefully tease you as some sort of revenge for the loud moaning that had brought him here in the first place. Or maybe he’s doing it to tease himself, letting the linen run down his shaft as some sort of caress; never enough to actually please, more than necessary to build up the tension in his stomach.
He does it, finally, after what feels like an eternity for the both of you, letting his dick spring free against his stomach. He’s rock hard, tip red and already leaking pre-cum, and your movements on your core speed up ever so slightly at the thought of putting him in your mouth. He lets out a sigh of relief at finally being free from restraints, cool air hitting his skin and making him wince. His hands fall down his sides as he lets his head hang back, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. He likes the waiting, letting the pressure rise until he can practically feel himself throbbing against nothing but the cool wisps of air coming from your open window.
“God, Jae, you’re so hot,” you whisper, letting your fingers travel down your core until one teases at your entrance. Your nail teases the tender skin as you drag it up and down, biting your lip as you feel your head start spinning.
You’re tempted to just relieve the pressure right then and there, but your other hand seems to have a mind of its own as it moves up your body and gives a playful squeeze to your breast. You let out a moan and Jaehyun moves to look at you once again, eyes set in the way you tease your body in the exact same way he’s teasing his. There’s something about the two of you enjoying the same kind of pain that came with the waiting to be pleasured, like a thousand electric volts running through your veins by the second.
“You look so fucking pretty like that,” he speaks, voice deep. You frown at his words, hips unconsciously snapping up as you try to get even a sliver of release. “So desperate and ready to cum, f-fuck. Is your own touch too much for you to handle, baby?”
“Yeah,” you whisper, but the word comes out as a broken moan. “I-I want to make myself cum so bad, and all for you to see.”
Jaehyun chokes out a moan of his own at your words, the pressure on his cock heightening as he feels thrills running down his body as a product of the arousal. He’s so hard it hurts, and can already think of how good it’s gonna feel when he finally lets himself give in.
He bites his lip, moving his hand from the bed to rest at the base of his cock. Running his tongue over his bottom lip, he grabs at his dick as he watches you finally insert a finger into your core, not missing how your body seems to visibly relax once you start moving your digit. A whine forms in the bottom of your throat and you pinch your nipple with the hand that was holding your breast, making Jaehyun finally move his hand along his dick as he lets his imagination fly, wondering just how warm your skin would feel against his fingers if he were the one pleasuring you, preparing you to come undone because of him.
He hears you pant as you introduce another finger, maintaining a steady pressure on your perked nipple, speeding up his own rhythm.
“Are you gonna make yourself cum, kitten?” He groans, tightening his grip. His other hand balls the fluffy comforter under him, a sort of reminder for him to stay grounded and not let himself go before time. “Are you imagining those are my fingers, stretching you out and making you feel better than yours ever could?”
“Yeah,” you whisper. “I really wish these were your fingers instead of mine, Jae, making me feel g-good.”
He runs his hand up and down, grip never softening, his rhythm constant as he takes in your words. It’s like a game of cat and mouse, tempting each other with words and movements alike, toying with your patience until one of you inevitably gives in. And it’s addicting, the feeling of his burning gaze upon your body, admiring every part of you and consuming it bit by bit. It’s good enough to remind yourself of the game you’re playing, and you remove your fingers just when the pleasure they’re giving becomes too much.
He watches with half-lidded eyes, the sudden withdrawal of your hands from your body, admiring the calmness in your face despite the eagerness in your eyes. You’re watching him too, and, contrary to you, he doesn’t allow his hand to stop its ministrations on his cock as he watches you switch positions.
“You look even better up close,” you say, placing your knees on the bed and letting your head hang close to his member.
One of your arms supports your weight as the other one snakes from under your body and finds your core again. You let out a moan when the tips of your fingers come in contact with your clit, and Jaehyun is just removing his hand from his cock when your breath meets his skin. He bites his tongue, pulling his head back as he gathers every ounce of self-control he has to keep himself from asking you to take him in your mouth.
“Don’t do that,” he says, and you barely hear him, both because you’re too focused in the pleasure that comes from the rubbing of your clit and because his voice had been way too low in the first place. It was more of a whimper than an actual request, and you had never really been as complacent as him. “Fuck, don’t do that again.”
“Don’t do what, huh?” You ask, making sure you lower your head even more when speaking. You’re sure that is what he meant not only because of the timing, but because of the way his fingers seem to grip tighter against the comforter everytime you utter a word. “Speak so close you can practically feel me?”
Jaehyun groans, muttering a quiet fuck between his teeth as he raises one of his hands and runs it through his hair. He’s practiced edging himself and has gotten pretty decent at it, but the closeness of your body has him feeling so out of control he’s on the verge of snapping.
“You’re making this really hard for me, kitten,” he whispers. “You’re making me wish I could just fucking cum.”
“God, then why don’t you,” you whine, letting yourself get lost in his holding back. “Jae, just, oh, just do it. I’m so fucking c-close.”
You increase your rhythm, rolling your clit between your fingers as you feel a familiar pleasure building in the base of your stomach. You don’t bring yourself to a stop, and you don’t think you have to, brain fogged up and overfilled with the need of release that your arm gives in and you let yourself fall onto Jaehyun’s lap. You’re so close, and your movements against your clit speed up as you moan against the skin of his thigh, shutting your eyes closed as you let the sounds come out of your mouth without caring about the volume.
Jaehyun doesn’t notice, but the hand that was just playing with his hair comes to rest on top of your back and he keeps you flush against his lap, not really exerting any force but still keeping you glued to his body. It’s the movements of your hand, the warmth of his skin and the musky scent of his cologne that lingers on his body even after a full day of work that finally breaks the tension in your body.
And it’s so much, so goddamn much, that you end up coming against your fingers as you nuzzle your face against Jaehyun’s thigh, almost but crying out his name as everything but his touch disappears from your mind.
“O-oh, fuck!” You curse, plopping completely onto the bed. “Oh my God.”
Your forehead is still pressed tightly against Jaehyun’s thigh, the hand that was previously on your back coming to rest on top of your head. You’re not sure if he simply likes feeling you on him or if he’s trying to somehow comfort you with his touch, but either way, you don’t move. Trying to regain your breath while being glued to Jaehyun’s skin proves to be difficult, but you just keep your eyes closed and take deep breaths, inhaling his scent as you do fresh air. The breaths come out as whimpers from your mouth, causing the blonde’s mind to run a thousand miles per hour as he does his best to keep you close, close, close. He doesn’t want to let go of you, and the pressure on his unattended cock has risen to the point he’s breathing heavily as he reminds himself to not cum just yet.
“That was so hot,” Jaehyun says, breathing out as he keeps his eyes set on you, and your skin, and the way it feels like it’s almost burning his own at the mere touch. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.”
He’s had his fair amount of experience, but he had never felt nearly as aroused and needy as he’s doing now, and he wonders if it’s just the situation or if what you two have is really fueling the fire that is now consuming the room. Everything feels hot, way too hot, and his mind starts spinning uncontrollably as he thinks of just what he can do to relieve himself of the heat. The cool outside breeze hits his skin but it doesn’t help, he’s merely reminded of the fact that he’s almost but begging to be touched.
And you notice. His hand shakes a little when he runs it from your head and down your back, and he jumps a little whenever you move, no matter how slightly. Despite the sudden rush of adrenaline (or maybe because of it), your senses are heightened and Jaehyun is all you can feel, all you can see. His pleasure is still rooted in the back of your mind, and you raise yourself on your elbows to come face to face with his cock.
“Do you want me to help you out?” You ask, voice growing a little shy. It’s almost as if you had forgotten what had just happened, the way you had reacted to his voice and the way he had stared at you as if his life depended on it. “I can suck you off.”
“I just don’t- fuck,” he swallows. He’s still staring at you, and a blush rises to his cheeks as he notices the mischievous gleam in your eyes. You haven’t gotten enough. “I don’t want to make it awkward for us after this, kitten.”
You smirk. The entire thing still feels like some sort of fever dream, still not completely real as you see Jaehyun sprawled out in front of you. It’s like he’s a product of your imagination because there’s no way he’s actually this perfect and so dangerously close to you after feeling so far away for far too long. He’s your roommate, and he had been just that, no matter how much you had wished he could just be something else. Until tonight.
“I just came in front of you while you called me kitten,” you say, smirk growing as you recall the nickname. “It wouldn’t be awkward for me.”
He takes in a deep breath. He can’t hide the fact that he’d been crushing on you for months - longing stares shared whenever you walked from the bathroom to your room in a silky bathrobe, or whenever he got home from the gym, drenched in sweat and with the breathy tank top glued tight to his skin. He’s wanted you, a burning desire growing wild and ravishing in the back of his mind, and he’s finally got you.
And he’s not sure if it’s wishful thinking, but the way you’re looking at him suggests you feel the exact same way about him. He’s right, and you try to communicate it with a smile, a little giggle escaping your lips as you look up at him like he’d painted the stars in the midnight sky.
“Then what are you waiting for,” he groans, smiling when you move even closer to him. “Go ahead and make me cum, baby.”
926 notes · View notes
whereisten · 24 days ago
You’re His Favorite
“You can check-out any time you’d like, but you can never leave.”
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Summary: Your car breaks down on a lonely road as you head home for work during a terrible snow storm. To make matters worse, it’s Christmas. You’re forced to stay at the only hotel close-by. It’s owner, Jaehyun, makes you feel at home at first, but things start to get strange. You soon learn that the hotel and its owner hold secrets that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Pairing: Vampire!Jaehyun x female reader
Genre: horror, angst, smut
Warnings: blood mention, knife mention, cursing, smut (unprotected, a little of everything?), paranoia, deception, death
Word Count: 10.7k
(A/n) it’s been a minute since I’ve felt the spark and desire to write, but alas, the Favorite comeback happened and I was inspireddd. I hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, I miss you all 🥺❤️
“No no no, this can’t be happening..shit.” You curse as your 2012 Kia Soul exhales a loud, cranky sound before stopping completely.
“Why here? Why now?” You try to turn the key in the ignition, hoping to see the dashboard light up with green signals or hear the rumbling engine, but there is nothing, only silence and darkness.
You weren’t even supposed to be traveling for work on Christmas Eve, but had to because one of your coworkers called out last minute. You had to drive nearly two hours away for the meeting which ended up going over time.
“It’s so late, God.”
You checked your phone which had 12% battery life left. It stared blankly back at you with the time reading “12:06 A.M.” Well merry fucking Christmas to you. Forget being in the middle of nowhere on Christmas Eve, it’s literally Christmas now.
You tried endlessly to call for help but no one answered. There’s a snowstorm and others needed help too.
You dialed up your boyfriend, Johnny, but he worked the night shift at the hospital close to your shared home, surely, he was busy too. Even so, it seemed like you had no service on your phone either, the service bars slowly disappeared one by one.
You sighed and looked outside, seeing a small and faint glowing sign with the letters reading “vacancy.” It was the only sign in your line of sight in this dark night. So you got out of your useless car and walked towards it, grabbing your coat around you tightly to brave against the wind.
The hotel you walked towards looked..dead. It looked dim and ancient, like it desperately needed upgrading. But the open and vacancy signs were all you needed to see honestly, you just had to be in an area where others were and not in the middle of nowhere during a snowstorm alone.
But as you got closer and couldn’t ignore the eerie feeling the grim building gave you, you even started to think to yourself..would it have been better to stay in your car alone?
But of course, you couldn’t do that, you’d freeze with no heater. Let alone all of the awful things that happened to…lonely people.
You took a deep breath before pulling the door towards you to open it. 
You stepped in and expected to be greeted with warmth or a crackling fireplace. But unfortunately, you weren’t. The lobby felt almost as cold as outside did. The walls were painted in a deep shade of red but were decorated with antique gold accents and candles. There was a grand chandelier in the center of the lobby and the floor was covered in black and white marble.
You turned and looked around you for someone to speak to, but had no luck. Jazz music played lightly from a few feet away in the dimly lit area. The smell of dust filled your nostrils as you watched candles flicker across. 
However, the ancient place felt relaxing, like a place that stood still in time.
You took your phone out of your pocket. 
“6%..damn it.” You whispered to yourself. You need to charge it and get connected to WiFi right away.
“Ma’am?” A low male voice let out.
You nearly jumped out of your skin.
You turned with wide eyes. “Oh-oh my god, you scared me.”
The man wasn’t nearly as old as he sounded. He was in his 20s and incredibly handsome, he glowed strangely as his face was illuminated by a candle he held in front of him. His dimples came through as he smiled widely. 
“I’m sorry, I must have frightened you, I’m just excited to see someone is all.”
You finally smiled back, doing your best to cover up the worry you felt deep down.
“Yes, well, how can I help you?”
He continued as he walked around the front desk.
You sigh and look at the floor. “I’m..stuck. My car broke down about a mile away and it’s Christmas, but also I have no cell phone service. And my phone is about to die, so I really need to charge it, I just, I can’t believe this is happening, and now I’m here in the middle of the night, I’m so tired. I shouldn’t even be out this late, but thanks to my stupid boss-“ your hands stop moving mid-rant as you look up at the gentleman smiling at you fondly.
He didn’t interrupt you as you complained, instead he watched you talk on and on, like you were something to marvel at, a work of art maybe. You couldn’t describe it, but it didn’t feel..normal.
“I-I’m sorry..I just need a room.” You chuckle.
“Oh, no apologies, dear. It’s been a long night, I understand.”
You nod and take your card out.
“If it’s possible, I’d like to add WiFi.”
“Of course.” The man glances down at your card and ID, before taking them out of hand gently. But not failing to place his index finger over your shaking hand in the process. The quick touch from his ice cold finger tip felt like a spark of electricity on your skin. Your heart surprised you by skipping a beat.
You looked around the lobby as he typed your information into a computer that looked like it was from the 80s.
Why did this place have to be your only option? Why you?
“I hope you’ll give us a chance to prove you’ve made the right decision to stay here.” He answers quietly, as if hearing your thoughts.
“My name is Jaehyun, and I’m always here if you need me. Just dial 1 from the phone on your nightstand.”
You nod as you take your cards from him.
“Thank you so much, Jaehyun. I’m sorry you have to work at this time of night on Christmas, I’m sure you want to be home right now.”
“Oh no worries, ma’am. I am home.” He gives you a bright smile, then hands you your hotel key. “Room number 414.”
Your mouth falls open to ask what he meant, but you shut it quickly and turn around. It wasn’t any of your business, and you had done enough talking for the night.
Your room was completely updated to your surprise. Featuring a sparkling rainfall shower and large bathtub along with a large tempurpedic bed covered in soft sheets and fluffy pillows.
The flat screen T.V hung over a faux fireplace that doubled as entertainment and a heater. You turned it on and stood beside it to warm your body up.
You put your phone to charge and connected to the WiFi. as soon as you shook your coat off.
You were able to make an appointment for the tow truck to pick your car up and take it to the mechanic on the 26th. You then texted your boyfriend about your situation and assured him you were safe.
And finally, after locking your door with the chain attached to it from the inside, you felt relaxed and at ease. You fell asleep quickly, your body giving in to its tiredness quite easily. You rolled over onto your back and melted into the comfortable bed. You didn’t hear anything, you didn’t sense anything, and sadly, you didn’t feel anything in your relaxed state. If you had, you would’ve been able to stop it from getting worse.
The next day, you woke up to a sharp pain in your neck. You rubbed your hand over it while looking in the mirror, but saw nothing. 
Maybe I just slept in a bad position. 
You walked over to your phone and saw that it was fully charged. “Perfect.” You smiled to yourself as you read the message your boyfriend sent you while you slept.
He said he would leave work and head to you after, but you knew he’d be too tired to drive two hours so you called him. Furthermore the snowstorm only got worse, traffic was at a standstill and everyone was ordered to stay put.
“It’s okay, please don’t worry. I slept well and I’m heading to the mechanic tomorrow.”
“I’m so sorry babe, we really gotta get you a newer car.” He reassured you.
“Yeah, when it works, it works. But things happen. What are you up to?”
You heard him sigh. “I miss you, I can't believe you’re not here for Christmas, I’ll probably eat this ham alone.” He chuckles.
“Ahh nooo save some for me though. We can probably FaceTime later!”
“Yeah for sure, babe. Oh, what’s the name of the—[static] you [static]..stay-[static]..”
“Hello?” You said into your phone as the call broke up. You had to call over WiFi instead of your usual service, so it made sense that the reception was rocky.
You looked at your screen and saw the “call failed” message.
So you sent him an “I love you, we’ll talk later.” message as your stomach growled.
It was time to get something to eat.
You head downstairs and follow the smell.
Pancakes or waffles, and eggs and bacon.
It had to be here somewhere.
As you turn the corner to the breakfast area, you bump into him.
“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun holds you firmly to his chest so you don’t fall.
Your eyes widen when you realize just how close he is to you, your arms grasp his biceps for stability. They showed through his long sleeve red dress shirt, and his broad shoulders and neck were just inches from your face. He smelled wonderful too, like vanilla and peppermint.
“Ma’am?” He frowns.
You shake your head and finally let go. “I’, I’m sorry, I’m still waking up haha.”
He chuckles and lets you go. “Did you have a good night?”
“Yes, I did. Thank you for giving me such a nice room!”
“And the WiFi works, right?” His brows furrow.
You nod fervently. “Yes, yes it’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Good. Well, I won’t stand in your way any longer. Breakfast is served.” He gestures to the dining area.
You smile and walk by him towards the area which is surprisingly filled with people.
The hotel was so quiet, you never thought there’d be someone staying there other than yourself.
However, as you got closer, you couldn’t help but notice something. It was too quiet. Even families with small children moved slowly, quietly, like they were in some sort of trance. Or maybe they were just tired and you were over exaggerating.
A few smiled to each other and to you as they passed by with small amounts of food in their plates. The staff were the same way, but moved quickly. You were too distracted by them moving so fast to get the food out for guests, you didn’t feel Jaehyun’s eyes on you the entire time.
You moved with such grace amongst the zombies. You were the spark this hotel needed, he thought to himself. The spark that would bring life into it, life into him.
You sat down at a small booth by yourself and started to eat. The eggs were magnificent, the bacon was to die for. You couldn’t believe how good everything was.
Jaehyun watched as your eyes lit up with each bite and smiled to himself.
However, his upturned lips quickly turned downward when he realized a staff member was heading towards you.
The man with brown hair dropped a napkin right beside your foot.
You bent down to pick it up for him, but he suddenly met you under the table.
He grabbed your hand, forcing you to stare into his intense eyes as he forced the napkin into your hand.
“What—“ your eyes widened.
He swallowed hard but before he could utter a word, Jaehyun stopped him.
“Oh, a little clumsy aren’t we, Jungwoo?”
Jungwoo stood up straight and held his head down. “I’m sorry.” He barely whispered and walked back to the kitchen. You turned to watch him walk away. Jaehyun looked down at you with the scariest expression you had seen from him since.
“I apologize for the interruption, continue.” He speeds off behind Jungwoo.
You open your hand to see the napkin with numbers scribbled on it.
(1) 251 225 1424
Really? Did this guy really just interrupt your breakfast to give you his phone number?
How could he be so unprofessional and right in front of the hotel manager at that?
You crumpled up the napkin and put it in your coat pocket, making note to throw it away later.
You went back to your room after finishing breakfast and took a quick shower. But as you stepped out, you felt weak suddenly so you decided to lay down in bed after.
You drifted into sleep while laying in the bath robe provided by the hotel. And while sleeping, you dreamt that you were a young child at Christmas again.
You unwrapped your present, a brand new Ice skating figurine. Your parents smiled so bright as you jumped up with excitement.
You smiled to yourself softly as you felt happiness overflow.
But suddenly, your vision became blurry. 
“What’s wrong, honey?” Your dad called out to you. “Is everything okay?” Your mom reached for your hand.
Why am I crying? It was a happy memory, why am I crying? Why do I feel a sharp pain?
You couldn’t move, you couldn’t open your eyes. Your parents' voices got dark and unrecognizable. Everything grew dim and the view of your childhood living room faded to black.
All you could do was listen to a heavy breathing. Was it your own? No. It was someone else’s.
What else are you hearing right now? A beat, a low, steady beat. Almost like a pulse. It echoed in your ears, you couldn’t ignore it, but god, you wish you could, for it only got louder as the pain increased. 
Sleep paralysis. But has this ever happened to you before? Well, it’s happening now. You can feel the weight on you, like being pinned down. You can feel the pain, and your heart beginning to race, but you can’t stop it. You can fight, try harder, move a finger or something.
Do something.
“Y/n..let go, it’s’re with me now, I’m always here for you..” a low voice whispers in your ear.
No, it couldn’t be.
“Darling..” the husky voice continued.
Then the stinging pain increased dramatically, you groaned in pain and finally found the strength to shoot up straight in your bed while panting.
You breathed heavily while rubbing your neck.
You looked over your shoulders and in all corners of the room. You were alone.
“Holy shit.” You rubbed your eyes and laid back down in the bed, your chest still heaving.
Knock knock.
You got out of the bed and tightened your robe before looking through the peephole hesitantly.
It was Jaehyun.
You opened it slowly. “..Hi..”
Jaehyun gave you a small smile with tight lips. “Is everything alright?”
“Y-yeah..I just had a bad dream..”
He nodded. “Still feeling uneasy, right? that’s to be expected as you’re in the middle of nowhere, with no one to keep you company.”
You nodded and cleared your throat. “Yes, well, is there something I can help you with?” You were anxious to put some decent clothes on after remembering you were standing just a foot away from a strange man with just a measly robe on.
He eyes you up and down quickly before smirking. Once again, it was as if he read your mind.
“The guests are all attending a Christmas gathering later. If you’d like to join, it starts at 7. Our staff have prepared the finest foods for everyone and there will be traditional Christmas tunes played all night long. We will also be handing out gifts. All small, but kind gesture nonetheless.”
“Oh that’s sweet, but I don’t think I’ll be able to attend, I have a date with my boyfriend, gonna watch him eat ham.” You laughed out.
Jaehyun smiled slightly. “Of course, I hope it goes well.”
You nodded and started to close the door.
“ more thing.” He pressed on the door with his foot to stop you.
“I apologize once again for the way my staff acted earlier, it was completely unprofessional and he will be dealt with. With that being said, do you happen to have the napkin he gave you?”
“ what napkin?” 
“I believe he handed you a napkin underneath your table.” Jaehyun said sternly, his gaze never faltering.
You realized he wasn’t going to let it go. You thought what Jungwoo did was weird, but a little funny. You didn’t want him to lose his job for it.
“I believe I threw it away, yeah, I don’t-“
“Are you sure it isn’t in your pocket still?”
He said lowly, like he was demanding you tell him the truth. His energy just then sent a shockwave through your body that made you nervous.
“I-I’ll go check.” You closed the door and looked for your coat.
You picked the crumpled up piece of paper out of your pocket and handed it to Jaehyun.
He smiled widely and thanked you before heading off.
You closed the door and let out a loud breath.
“What the hell?”
Jaehyun opens up the napkin and sees the number written on it. 
It wasn’t a number, it was a message, one that you clearly didn’t understand.
(1) 251 225 1424
12 5  1  22  5  14 24
L.  E. A. V. E.  N.  W
“Leave now.” Jaehyun chuckles. Why would any of his guests want to leave when they have him?
You watched some movies on your T.V to pass the day by. You even scrolled through tumblr and read Christmas love stories that made your heart flutter.
Later that day, you FaceTimed your boyfriend who was enjoying all of your favorite Christmas foods.
“Hopefully, they’ll have my car fixed and ready to go within a few hours, I’m so alone here.” You fake cried, to which Johnny just laughed.
“Well, that’s what you get for being a girl boss.”
“Ah shut up, I’ve gotta find a way to make you a househusband, don’t I? You cook, you clean..why wouldn’t I go to work to keep a sexy man like you.” You flirted with him.
“Damn, I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended by you thinking that’s all I can do.” He raised an eyebrow while chewing a piece of ham.
“I know that’s not all you can can do so much more..” you teased him as he laughed.
“Well, get your fine ass back here and I’ll show you how much more I can do.”
You sighed loudly and threw your head back. “I’m tryinggg.”
“I know..[static] and what [static]..” the call was breaking up again, your screen froze and then displayed Johnny again like nothing happened.
“It cut out, I didn’t hear what you said, babe.” You leaned in close.
“I said, who is that.. [static]..”
“Huh? Who?” You looked around you.
“Right behind you..there’s [static].” 
The screen froze once again and pulled it closer to your face. “Johnny?”
You didn’t see anything, but a black screen and a little square showing your own face.. but something was off.
You squinted and looked at your background. You whipped your head around. You could’ve sworn there was a shadowy figure behind the thin curtain covering the window. But there was nothing there.
You looked back at your phone. The shadow was gone. “Johnny?”
Call failed. Reconnect to WiFi.
Your phone was no longer connected to WiFi. You tried over and over to reconnect it with the password you were given but had no luck. So you headed down to the lobby.
It was dark, and a simple “be back soon” sign rested on the front counter. You followed the music to the main dining area.
Christmas lights made it look magical and completely different than it did in the morning.
People danced and laughed with each other while others enjoyed pie.
The food smelled amazing. Everyone looked happy, you couldn’t believe they were the same folks from earlier.
“Hi..” you smiled and waved as you walked through. 
You finally found one of the staff in charge of picking up trash. “Excuse me, miss?” You tapped her shoulder lightly but she jumped in terror and turned to you. Her eyes displayed the familiar look of fear when she looked back at you.
“I-I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m just looking for Jaehyun.”
She shook her head and practically ran away from you to head to the kitchen. 
You stared in confusion before looking for someone else to ask.
Jaehyun, dressed in his favorite Christmas sweater, walks through the front doors after taking care of business outside.
He sees you walking around frantically, trying to ask anyone and everyone something, but they smile and shrug..just as he instructed them to.
Your look of confusion and desperation reminds him of a small animal left alone in an unfamiliar habitat. Just waiting..lonely and frazzled..waiting for anything, but its predator.
“Can I help you, ma’am?” He finally gets your attention.
“Oh! I’ve been looking for you!” Your eyes widen. 
“And you’ve found me. I’m happy you could make it to the gathering.”
He smiles while looking in awe at you. You looked beautiful in the lighting of the sparkling Christmas lights.
“Ah well..I didn’t actually come down here for see, I was FaceTiming my boyfriend, you know, like I said I was going to earlier. And I lost connection to the WiFi.. did the password change? Am I doing something wrong?” You scroll through your phone for its settings, never realizing Jaehyun's face turns grim at the mention of your boyfriend.
You lift your phone up to Jaehyun, who still looks toward the dining area in silence.
“Of course, ma’am. I can help you with that, but would you like to open your gift first?”
“M-my gift?”
He turns to you, smiling widely as his eyes crinkle. “You didn’t think we’d forget about you?!”
He takes your hand and leads you to the large Christmas Tree. After shuffling through a few gifts, he hands you a small box.
“ really didn’t have to, Jaehyun.” You gasp as you hold the box.
“Of course! You’re my favorite..guest, after all.”
He says lowly.
You chuckle. “Thank you.”
You sit down in a chair next to the tree and unwrap your present. Your mouth falls open as you see what it is. 
It’s a beautiful snow globe with an ice skater in the center.
“No way!” You smile widely, just like you did when you were younger.
The ice skater spins around on the bottom of globe while glitter in all sorts of iridescent shapes fall over her.
“It’s beautiful.” 
Jaehyun can't hide his excitement while he watches you.
He reaches out a hand. “Dance with me please”
You raise your brows out of surprise. You should’ve had him reset your WiFi so you could get back to Johnny, you should’ve said no. But you couldn’t. He made you happy with this small present. It was something that resonated deeply within you. What harm could one dance do?
So you take his hand and stand up after placing the globe on a table nearby.
A slowed down rendition of Winter Wonderland plays through the vintage vinyl record player in the corner as the two of you sway back and forth. He holds your right hand in his left and rests his other hand on the small of your back, like anyone dancing to old people music would.
“Is this alright with you?”
You blink quickly and look into his eyes. “Yes.”
Everyone else danced too, holding each other close. Some even closed their eyes as they rested their heads on their partner’s shoulder. It was a cute moment, you thought to yourself. You missed Johnny, but sadly, not as much as you should have. Something about this hotel made you feel like you were at home, you felt content. Jaehyun felt amazing on you, his broad chest welcoming your temple like the pillows you slept on. His grasp firm, but fingers delicate. And that intoxicating cologne, you loved it so much.
You looked around for Jungwoo, but didn’t see him. You worried that he was fired for a joke.
“So..are you a fan of Christmas?” The tall man asks as he sways your body gently.
You gulp as you look away from his veiny hand that holds yours and up to his sultry eyes. “Y-yeah, I like the idea of family coming together and enjoying each other’s company, oh and gifts of course.” Your cheeks rose as you smiled.
Jaehyun tried his best not to blush at the sight.
But he couldn’t hide his deep dimples. 
“Right, it’s always nice to be around those you love.”
“How about you? Don’t you want to be around someone you love right now?”
Jaehyun raised his brows and almost said what was really on his mind, but instead he chuckled. “I love this hotel and the staff, I couldn’t be happier.”
You laugh. “I never thought I’d be enjoying a Christmas dance with a hotel manager, but here I am.”
“Yes, here we are, enjoying each other’s company. Just the two of us..” his voice trailed as he swallowed hard.
Your smile started to fade. Something felt off, and just as you were about to let his hand go, the lights started to blur, you couldn’t keep up with the music or match your movements to Jaehyun. You were stepping all over the place, but he held you still. 
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” He whispered into your ear.
“Jaehyun..I can’t..what’s happening?” You struggle to even speak now.
You were drifting away and didn’t know why, you didn’t drink any alcohol but felt like you were drunk out of your mind.
“I..I need to sit down..” you try to pull away but Jaehyun’s grip gets tighter. You look up into his eyes and see that they’re no longer brown, they’re a deep shade of red. But then again, everything looked blurry, you weren’t sure what you were hearing or seeing. 
You noticed that the floor was emptied now. There was no staff, and the other couples were gone. Where did they go? Why did they leave so quickly?
“It worked rather quickly, the powder I put in the gift box..” Jaehyun gazed at your lips through low eyes.
“Jaehyun..” you fall limply as he holds you against his chest.
“Darling, I hope you know I did this because you’re my favorite g-“
His voice fades as you black out.
You wake up in your bed the next morning, a pain stinging your neck once again.
Your head and wrist hurt too.
“What the hell happened last night?” You ask yourself.
You unlock your phone to see that it’s now connected to the WiFi. You’ve missed 5 calls from Johnny, and too many text messages to count.
You call him immediately. “Johnny..I’m so sorry, I lost the connection and then—“ and then what? 
Why couldn’t you remember what happened after your call ended?
“Hey, babe, it’s okay, I’m just happy you’re okay. I'm clocking in right now actually, but text me once you get to the mechanic, okay?” Johnny says as he shuffles through his bag for his work ID.
“Sure! I’ll keep you updated.” You hung up.
A dark feeling came over you as you stared at the black screen. What happened?
You look up at your nightstand and notice a snow globe. One with an ice skating figure in the center of it. Was it there before? Was it a decorative piece? Well, it wasn’t yours, that much you knew.
You packed your things and headed downstairs.
Jaehyun waited for you at the front desk. He looked even better than he did when you got there, his skin looked like pure ivory even in the low light.
“Well, I’m sad to say goodbye, but I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.” He states as you hand him the key.
You chuckle. “Yeah…I don’t think so..thank you though, I really had a great time.”
“I’m happy to hear that.” He nods and watches as you walk through the door and towards the tow truck.
[Three Weeks Later]
Things went back to normal..somewhat. You went to work then home to Johnny..every day, same routine. Your car worked perfectly too. Your life was wonderful, and yet you couldn’t stop thinking about the hotel.
Why did you miss it so much? Why did you have the urge to see it, just one last time?
“Whatcha thinking about?” Johnny plays with your index finger as the two of you sit on the couch and watch a movie together.
“Oh..nothing.” You gave him a small smile.
“Come on, babe, it’s been three years, I know you better than that. What’s on your mind? We can stop the movie and talk. Is everything okay at work?”
He leans in closer.
You shake your head. “I promise, Johnny, I’m fine. Let’s watch the movie.”
You loved Johnny with all your heart, but things felt off with him too. You weren’t thinking about him when you were with him. He no longer held your interest, your heart was yearning for someone—or rather, something else.
Nonsense, what were you thinking? You only ache for Johnny. 
You pulled his face towards yours suddenly and kissed him hard. The two of you had been so busy with conflicting work schedules, you didn’t even have time to be intimate. That’s all you needed, right? A little time together to rekindle the romance.
He kissed you back, placing his tongue on top of yours and sliding his hand up your thigh.
You leaned back into the chair so your upper back was on the armrest.
Things grew hot quickly and soon Johnny was taking his sweatshirt off and pressing himself down in between your legs. Your heart raced as you felt the need for him grow. You took your shirt off too, then pulled him back down to your body.
You moaned quietly as he laid sloppy kisses all over your neck and your breasts.
He cages you in between his arms as he kisses your neck and starts to suck. It feels amazing, but without warning, flashes of a nonexistent memory attack your mind.
You ignore them and shut your eyes tightly. But when you opened them, you saw the ceiling of the hotel room. You close your eyes again.
“Johnny..” you exhale and push your body upwards to him while gripping his shoulders.
He licks over the spot he was working on and looks down at you. But when you open your eyes, you don’t see him, you see a shirtless Jaehyun for a split second, his chest heaving, abs flexing and covered in beads of sweat. His hair is brushed back neatly, but a strand falls in his forehead as he licks his lips and gives you a cocky smile.. You blink again and Johnny is back.
“Are you okay?” Johnny pants as he caresses your face.
You turn your face and blink rapidly. “Yeah, no yeah. I’m sorry I just remembered something from work..”
Johnny sits up on the couch and runs a hand through his fluffy hair. “I’m doing my best work here and you’re thinking about work?”
He shakes his head, standing up from the couch to go to his room.
“Wait, no Johnny..” you get up and run after him.
You hug him from behind. “I’m sorry, babe. I was just thinking about how I’d have to travel again.”
He turns to you. “Again?” 
You nod and look up at him with puppy dog eyes.
“Another meeting..”
You were lying, but he trusted you, there’s no way he’d know.
“Ahh damn baby, I’m sorry.” He hugs you tightly.
“..I don’t want to think about work, Johnny, it just happens, I’m sorry. I’m so tired.”
“I know..I’m sorry, let me take care of you.” Johnny holds your face in his hands and kisses your forehead.
“I gotta show my hardworking girlfriend what she needs to come back home to, don’t I?” He smirks and wraps his arms around your waist before taking you to your room.
Johnny did everything to take care of you. His beautiful lips brought you to paradise time and time again that night. He worked his hips into your body like a swimmer, giving you deep strokes that made you dizzy. He followed every command you cried out to him, slower, faster, why were you betraying him by being somewhere else?
The pleasure was beyond satisfactory, and yet, nothing made you feel as good as you felt when you were in that damn hotel.
You made your way to the hotel a few days later after telling Johnny the meeting would be held in a convention center and you’d have to stay overnight as it was split into two parts.
The lengths you went to to go to this hotel were absurd.
And yet, you couldn’t stop.
The “door open” bell chimed as you stepped in.
“Ahh..welcome back.” Jaehyun grinned.
He gave you the same room you had the first time. You slept soundly and felt at peace. There was no noise, the food was felt truly alone.
And that’s why you went back..again..and again..and again. The luring feeling of the hotel only got stronger, it was almost like an itch that you had to scratch, a drink of water that you had to have.
You weren’t frustrated by it though, you gave in every time and didn’t see anything wrong with it.
[6 Weeks Later]
“Another meeting? Babe, I don’t know, this seems excessive..” Johnny says as he packs the dishwasher.
“And what should I do? Tell my boss no? Things seem to be changing and I just have to..go with flow.” You throw your arms up and start to pack an overnight bag.
“’s just weird that this started so suddenly.”
“Yeah I know.” You say bluntly.
“If something was wrong, you’d tell me right? Like..if they’re making you do something..wrong..would you tell me?” Johnny stops packing and looks at the back of your head.
You turn to him slowly. “What are you saying, Johnny?”
“Like..okay, you know how men sometimes take advantage of their positions and-and force-“
“Johnny..what the don’t trust me? Do you really think I’d go to such lengths to get a better position in a company? I-wow, Johnny.”
“No, no I mean, I know you work your ass off, I just want to make sure..” he walks fast towards you after realizing he messed up.
“Stop, just stop..” you raise a hand to stop him from hugging you.
“I’m sorry, babe, come here.” He reaches out to you.
“, don’t.” You close the door to your room and lay down in your bed alone. Tears running down the sides of your face. You weren’t upset with Johnny, really. You were upset with yourself. You were lying to him and he only cared about you. You thought you loved him, but being around him didn’t feel like home anymore. He slowly started to feel like a stranger and you didn’t know why. He didn’t do anything wrong.
It’s you, it’s just you and your obsession with this hotel.
[Two Days Later]
Just a few hours after checking in, you feel like taking a nap so you lay your head down and drift off into sleep.
You miss a few calls from Johnny as you sleep. He wanted to tell you that he took time from work to visit you.
He calls again and again, but reaches the voicemail box message every time.
“Damn it.” He drives to the convention center anyway. He had to see you and give you flowers and chocolates to make up for him being a dick the other night. Then he’d take you out to dinner and you’d watch the stars together while walking in the park.
He’d apologize a million times if he had to. He just wanted to be with you and show you how much he appreciated all that you do.
He smiled to himself as he imagined how shocked you’d be to see him. It was a long drive but you were worth it.
Jaehyun watches you sleep soundly in your bed. He can smell your rosey perfume and coconut-pineapple infused shampoo. He can see how soft your skin is, even as blood races through your veins.
You turn over on your side as you dream. He can hear your heart pumping blood so clearly, he can see your curves under your dress, he can feel how warm you are from just a few feet away and it all drives him crazy.
Johnny stares in confusion as he watches hundreds of people dressed in anime cosplay enter and leave the convention center. 
The entire center was being used for some kind of anime event. There was no way you were here.
Frustrated, Johnny calls you over and over, but of course, no answer. The sun is setting so he turns back and drives home. He speeds down the highway furiously.
How could you lie to him? Even after getting upset with him for doubting you, you still lied anyway.
He was pissed and needed an explanation now.
He continues to call, but Jaehyun picks your phone up and turns it off completely, unplugging it from its charger to make it seem as though it “ran out of power.”
He then kneels down beside your bed.
Johnny nearly throws his phone out of the window of his car when your phone goes straight to voicemail instead of ringing like it did a few times before.
“Did she fucking block me?” 
Just as he picks his phone up to dial you up again, he sees a bright neon sign in the middle of nowhere. “Vacancy.”
This was the only hotel in this area. He peeks out through his window and sure enough, he sees it.
He sees your car parked outside of the hotel. His heart drops, but he pulls into the parking lot and decides that he just can’t let it go.
He parks beside it and heads inside.
“Hello?!” He yells, but there seems to be no one at the front desk or anywhere really.
He paces around like a mad man. He knows you’re here somewhere, he just has to find you and whatever bastard you’re with.
After waiting for five minutes, he steps behind the counter to see if there’s some sort of record for check ins. He scans through the papers, but it doesn’t take him long to find one single check in sheet with one name on it. 
“Room 414.” He says and heads for the elevator.
He steps forward to knock on the door, but sees that it’s already open slightly.
He pushes it slowly, wincing at the creaking sound it makes before walking in.
He hears the familiar sound of you moaning quietly.
He clenches his fists as he walks faster.
But to his surprise, you’re turned over on your side, your back to him. He squints as he tries to make out what exactly he is looking at.
And that’s when Jaehyun’s head flicked up.
His mouth, covered in crimson liquid, opens into a creepy smile that will be burned into Johnny’s memory. His eyes are a dark red with glowing pupils and his sharp teeth glisten in the dark room.
Johnny finally snaps out of it when he realizes that the blood smearing the bottom half of Jaehyun’s face is yours.
“Get away from her!” He runs toward the two of you, but Jaehyun quickly stands up and speeds to grab Johnny’s neck from behind.
“Hold on,’s not nice to interrupt someone’s dinner time.” Jaehyun whispers into his ear.
Johnny shakes in fear as he feels Jaehyun’s long nails dig into his neck.
“Your girlfriend is just too good to let go, from the first time fate brought her to me, I knew she’d be my favorite.”
“Fuck you!” Johnny lets out as he tries to fight back, but literally cannot move. Jaehyun’s thumb nail presses into his spine.
“I’ll be nice and give you two options. Leave her here with me, never talk to her again, pretend you never saw this.. or well, die.” Jaehyun chuckles.
“Leave her alone, don’t kill her please.” Johnny tries to get out of his grasp, but Jaehyun’s strength is inhuman.
“Kill her? I would never, she’s mine. What good is she to me if she’s dead?”
“Let her go! I don’t know what you are, but she doesn’t deserve this.” Johnny pleads.
“But can't you see, Johnny? She’s so happy here, didn’t you hear her beautiful moans? She’s in complete bliss when she’s with me and that’s why she keeps coming back. It’s like sex, but better, so much better. In all my years of hunting, I’ve never had blood quite as sweet as hers.”
“You’re sick!”
“Johnny boy, make a decision or I’ll make it for you.”
Johnny closes his eyes tightly and starts to cry. He didn’t want to give up on you, he couldn’t. He loved you so much, he couldn’t bear to see you in such a state. But what could he do now? Clearly, Jaehyun was otherworldly and stronger than him.
“Fine. I’ll leave.” He says quietly.
Jaehyun transports the two of them to the hotel lobby in an instant. He lets Johnny go and steps back.
“Goodbye.” He says huskily as he licks Johnny’s blood from his fingernails.
Johnny walks out without looking back. He was going to find a way to save you. If Jaehyun thought he won, he was gravely mistaken.
Jaehyun turns to one of the staff members hiding behind the counter.
“Did you do it?”
“Y-yes, sir.”
“Perfect.” He smirks and starts to head back to your room, but the man speaks again. 
“S-sir, please..” he stands up slowly, using two fingers to pull down the collar of his work shirt.
Jaehyun chuckles. “Not tonight, my love.”
“Please!! It’s been so long, just five minutes!” The man falls to the ground and tugs Jaehyun’s hand.
Jaehyun brings the man’s body up with just his hand around his throat and slams him into the closest wall.
Jaehyun’s eyes glare furiously at the man that dared to touch him. “Drinking from you is like drinking from a deflated milk bag, don’t you think I deserve something better than that?”
“Yes, sir!! I’m so sorry.”
Jaehyun nods and lets the man slide down the wall slowly to the ground. “Go to Jungwoo in the basement if you need it so badly. He will drink from you, but he’s hungry and pissed, you better hope he knows when to stop.”
The man sniffles, “I understand sir.”
[A Week Later]
The first day without Johnny, you thought it was weird that he would leave suddenly, but you figured he might be visiting family or something. You missed a few calls from him before he went missing, but surely, he was just giving you a heads up.
You were okay the first few days, sadly. You didn’t miss him as much as you should have. You didn’t sleep much at night, you were always thinking about the hotel and how amazing your sleep was there.
You weren’t mentally present at work either, so your boss told you it was okay to take some time off seeing as your boyfriend was missing.
So you stayed home and did only basic tasks. Most of the time you lived in your memories of your days at the hotel. Sometimes you swore you saw Jaehyun in the mirror behind you or in the corners of the rooms. You even smelled him, but he was never truly there.
Then today, after a week of everyone searching for Johnny, news comes out that his vehicle was found. His mom called you in tears. She told you he crashed into a ditch and died on impact and an investigation would be done to see if there were any mechanical problems with his vehicle.
You hung up without saying a word. You were numb. You didn’t think he was really gone, there was no way. He’d open the door right now and come in with that bright smile of his at any moment.
“Here’s Johnny!” 
You could hear him now.
There’s no way he was gone, he was just missing is all. It was someone else’s body and someone else’s car. Not Johnny, not your Johnny.
And you ate and slept after thinking this way, thinking he was just on vacation. 
But then, the funeral came. You looked onto the grey face of your boyfriend and lost it, it all became reality.
For the first time in a long time, you felt something. You felt pain and anguish, the love you had for Johnny came swinging back like a boomerang, hitting you in your head to make you feel immense regret and heartache. You treated him so poorly and this was your reward.
[Two Months Later]
You were slowly getting used to living without Johnny. You cried a lot, but you didn’t think about the hotel much.
You did your own research into where Johnny’s vehicle was found and the suspicious details surrounding his death arose naturally. His vehicle was newer than yours, a 2020 Audi gifted by his parents. There’s no way it would have mechanical issues so early on. The investigation found that his brakes were in good shape but weren’t placed in the correct position due to a “common manufacturing error.” But that didn’t make sense to you. Why now?
Furthermore, the area his vehicle was found in was nowhere close to his job. It was hours away, in the direction of the convention center. Is it possible that he went looking for you?
You knew what you had to do. You had no urge to go back until now.
At the hotel, you stood still in the lobby and waited for Jaehyun to lift his head.
He smiled at you fondly, elated that you’re back after such a long time. “Welcome back. Your usual room?”
You step closer. “That won’t be necessary, I’m not staying here tonight. I just need to see something.” You tried your best to not be affected by his cologne and gorgeous face, but it was difficult. His long sleeve shirt still stuck to his toned arms, and his jawline was sharper than ever. 
Jaehyun’s smile doesn’t falter, but his eyes grow. “And what is it that you’d like to see?”
“I think my boyfriend came by here before he..died.”
Jaehyun frowns. “Oh really? I don’t think I’ve seen him.”
You look up and furrow your brows. “I haven’t even told you what he looks like.”
Jaehyun chuckles. “Right, well what I mean to say is, I haven’t seen anyone new since you’ve been here.”
You nod and look up at the cameras on the ceiling. You remembered seeing them there the first night. 
“To be sure he didn’t come by, may I take a look at the video recordings you have for the day before he went missing?”
Jaehyun stares at you through sinister eyes, but doesn’t stop smirking.
“I can’t say no to you, ma’am. You’re my favorite guest, after all.”
He takes you to his office where he scrolls through the saved files automatically uploaded in the drive by the camera system he has.
Strangely, the footage for that date is spotty and cuts out at random times. But what did you expect for an old hotel?
“Here, it’s all yours.” Jaehyun allows you to sit at his desk and go through the footage yourself before leaving you alone, but after looking for about an hour, you find nothing.
You head out and walk by Jaehyun who waits in the lobby. “Did you see what you were looking for?”
“Who..I didn’t see “who” I was looking for, but thank you.” You push the door open, but stop abruptly as a thought crosses your mind.
“I think there’s something quite strange here..”
“Oh, what could it be?” Jaehyun says with intrigue.
“You never appear in your camera’s footage and yet, you’re always here, why is that?” You ask after recalling how you had seen other staff or hotel guests in the recordings but you never saw him.
Jaehyun’s smile grows. “Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night?”
You pause for a moment, but shake your head and walk outside. As you get closer to your car, however, you notice that it’s..tilted.
“Shit.” You say as you realize that one of your tires is flat, a shining silver nail sticks out of the side.
What is it about this place that always gives you car problems?
You go back into the hotel and call the tow truck company. The agent informs you that they are unable to send someone out until the morning so you’re stuck.
You shouldn’t have done this, you shouldn’t have come back here alone. 
You reluctantly take the hotel key from Jaehyun and head to your room.
But this time, you don’t sleep. Something was off about this place and you didn’t want to be caught off guard at any time. 
You place a knife you carried in your bag under your pillow and lie down awake. A furious thunderstorm echoed outside of your window, you listened to it and focused on the sound of each crash along with your room becoming illuminated from the lightning strikes to stay awake. 
However, a few hours into the night, you hear your door open. You close your eyes quickly and pretend to be asleep. That unmistakable scent.
It was him, it was Jaehyun. You could feel him standing at the end of your bed in the darkness, just staring at you, his eyes burning holes into skull as he watched you sleep.
First it was 20 minutes, then 30 then 2 full hours of him standing and staring. What was he waiting for? Why was he watching you? And why didn’t you do anything?
It felt like your mind was playing tricks on you. You’d open your eyes slightly after each strike of lightning lit up your room and see Jaehyun’s location change. One second he was at the end of your bed, the next he was sitting in the loveseat in the corner.
Was he playing with you? 
He knew you were awake, he could sense your heartbeat was not relaxed like it usually was when you slept. Why were you fighting him?
You couldn’t take it anymore, you grab your knife and jump up in the bed while holding it in front of you. 
“What do you want?!” You tell as thunder shakes the walls of the hotel.
But Jaehyun isn’t there. Did you imagine him standing there? Were you seeing things because you haven't slept?
You turn the bedside lamp on and look around in terror. You could’ve sworn he was just there. 
You get up and walk around, looking under the bed and in your closet and bathroom. But there was nothing.
You still have the knife in your hand as you open your door and walk around the halls of the hotel. As usual, it’s quiet and you feel like you’re the only one alive.
Jaehyun is nowhere to be seen. He isn’t downstairs in the lobby either. You finally calm down and head to the elevator.
But when you get to your floor and step out from the elevator, you see Jaehyun standing at the end of the hallway with his arms behind his back.
“Everything alright, ma’am? Why aren’t you sleeping?” He asks quietly.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
Jaehyun only chuckles and the lights of the hallway flicker suddenly. When they flicker back on, he’s gone.
You run to your room and lock the door, triple checking it to make sure the chain is up.
“Damn it, I really need to stay awake.” You rub your eyes and decide to take a shower.
You turn the water to the “cold” setting in an effort to wake yourself up. You turn the T.V on and at a high volume too.
However, no matter how hard you try, sleep eventually falls over you. 
You rest your head on the tile and relax.
You felt arms around, hugging you from behind. They felt like Johnny’s arms..but they weren’t. Your brain was tricking you. He’s not here, you know that. So why do you still feel them?
He runs his hands along your arms and over your fingers.
“Why do you fight?”
“I-I don’t know.” You say sleepily, the back of your head resting on the center or his chest. You can feel his abs on your back and his pelvis on your butt.
“It’ll be better for both of us if you let go..”
“I don’t let you go, Johnny.”
“He didn’t love you like I love you, darling..” Jaehyun bites into your neck.
You gasp. “Jaehyun!”
He sucks harder and the feeling is intense, but heavenly and unlike anything you’ve felt before. You’re half-asleep, but you don’t want him to stop.
He releases your neck. “I love you so much more than he did.”
“Jaehyun, don’t stop, please..” an unexplainable feeling covers your body, it feels like you’re floating and in total bliss.
He sucks again as you guide his left hand to your thigh.
All thoughts of Johnny fade now as you focus on your building satisfaction. Jaehyun makes you feel amazing with his mouth, your mind is clouded with thoughts of him only.
He takes the hint and slides two fingers into your trembling body slowly while sucking hard. You moan loudly as his other hand caresses your breasts and pinches your pointed nipples.
“Are you mine?” He whispers into your ear, loud enough to cover the sound of the water falling down on both your bodies, but just quiet enough to make it sultry and deep.
“Yes..yes.” Is all you can think of as his thumb brushes against your clit teasingly.
He bites again and in just a few moments you cry out his name while climaxing.
He holds your shaking body close to him and transports the two of you to your bed in a split second.
He crawls over your naked and resumes sucking your blood once more. This time, you take his hard member and start to stroke it. He grunts at the feeling of your soft, gentle fingers on him and knows he can’t hold back any longer.
“You’re so beautiful..” he uses one hand and holds both wrists above your head as your lips fall open.
He pushes into you slowly, feeling you clench around him as he sucks your neck harder. Your blood tasted good, too good, he had to be careful not to take too much. 
You were wide awake now and that meant that you’d feel everything, even the pain that accompanied the bite. But as the pressure on your neck increased, so did your arousal and intense pleasure.
“Jaehyun..fuck..” you mutter.
His hips move back and forth and in circular motions as he deepens your bodies into the bed. His grip on your wrists tighten and it almost feels as if he has no intention of ever letting you escape from under his toned body.
He then takes your hands in his and intertwines your fingers before placing both hands on either side of your head. He watches as tears fall out of your eyes. He knows the pleasure is good for you, so good you don’t feel the pain yet.
“My love…will you stay with me?” Jaehyun pleads as his deep red eyes stare into yours. His mouth is smeared with so much of your blood, but that doesn’t matter to you right now. You only care about reaching your orgasm with the beautiful and strange man.
“Yes..Jaehyun, I’m yours.”
“Tell me what you want..” he whispers, his tone laced in pure seduction.
“I want you..Jaehyun, I need you.” You moan over the thunder.
“Stay with me forever..” he looks down on you under him with low eyes, watching as a breathy “yes.” falls from your beautiful lips.
He grins then sucks your blood once more. He takes longer, deeper strokes so you can feel every vein. Your body curves into his as your back arches. Time slows and you swear it stands completely still as you release onto him.
But he doesn’t stop, he kisses the skin in between your breasts and continues downward to your navel, decorating your entire midsection with bloody kisses.
He looks up at you through low eyes as his breath fans your entrance. You’re slowly coming down from your high when he lays his tongue against it, flicking the tip against your throbbing clit. You flinch and grab his hair instantly.
“Jaehyun!” you cry out. He takes your hand in his and licks again before biting the inner skin of your thigh. He sucks your blood once more, sending a rush through your body again.
You silently and slowly go crazy inside as his lips switch from kissing your core to kissing your thigh. Jaehyun groans against your opening. Every move he made while watching you writhe under him made your heart race faster and your blood pump harder, rushing into his mouth with ease. 
He flattens his tongue against you repeatedly while sliding two fingers inside you and soon enough, your body climaxes hard another time.
He crawls over you slowly, watching as a stream of curses leaves your lips. He grabs your neck to pull you into a sloppy kiss, making sure to cover your mouth in both your slick and blood as his tongue overtakes yours. You moan into his mouth and grab onto his shoulders tightly, feeling him enter your still sensitive opening with his girthy length.
“You’re so sweet, and you’re all mine.” he whispers as he pulls away.
You bite your bottom lip and nod, loving the way his chest feels on yours. 
“You love this, don’t you?” he smirks as he moves in and out at a painfully slow pace.
You nod again.
His hold on your neck tightens suddenly and his tone grows dark. 
“Speak when spoken to, darling. Do you love this?”
“Yes..yes, I do” you whimper.
He chuckles and to your satisfaction, starts to move faster while kissing you deeply. Your mind is flooded with him. He consumed you, all you could think about was being his in that moment. 
He goes back to sucking blood from your neck and soon, your eyes roll to the back of your head and you see stars again. Within minutes you black out.
When you wake up the next day, you feel the worst pain you’ve ever felt, but proceed to throw your robe on.
You run over to your mirror and see two small holes in your neck.
“I didn’t bother to heal them this time. You’re mine, so there’s no point.”
Jaehyun startles you from behind. He’s now wearing his hotel uniform with a black vest over it. 
“Oh don’t tell me you forgot? Last night, you said you were mine, remember?”
You nod and back away from him slowly. You hold on tightly to the knife you hid in your robe’s pocket the night before
“I was too caught up, Jaehyun. I have to go back home.”
He steps towards you as you head toward the door.
“This is your home now, can’t you see?”
You shake your head. “No..I only came to find out about what happened to Johnny, not to be with you.”
His smile falls. “Johnny…” he chuckles, “you know, I could’ve sworn I fucked his name out of your memory last night.”
You grip the knife harder, seeing that you clearly upset him as his eyes changed from brown to red.
“Jaehyun, I’m sorry that I gave you the wrong impression. It’s just—“
He appears in front of you in just seconds, but you react quickly and stab him in his throat. Blood spews out as he stumbles backwards in shock.
You run out of the room and yell for help.
“Help!!! Help me please!!!”
You run fast and look for the stairs.
You look behind you to see Jaehyun marching down the hallway with a hand on the knife sticking out of his neck. You scream even louder and bolt towards the staircase.
He simply laughs and starts clapping while he paces towards you.
“Very good, y/n. This is why you’re my favorite.”
You bang hard against a door and someone finally comes out. 
You hold the lady and try to run into her room but she glances away from you and looks at Jaehyun coming down the hallway. That’s when you notice that she too has two holes in her neck.
“Is there something wrong, sir?”
The lady asks him and not you.
“She tried to kill me, sweetheart..”
The lady gasps and grabs your wrist.
“You can't kill Master, are you out of your mind?!” she shakes you violently as Jaehyun gets closer.
You stare in confusion, she’s just a hotel guest. He wasn’t her master, what was she saying?
“Master lets us live nice lives!”
You take yourself out of her grip and run down the stairs. It made sense now. Everyone in the hotel was a victim to Jaehyun. He was the subject of their addiction. And you fell for it too. He fed on you whenever you slept, increasing your desire not for the hotel, but for him.
“Be a good girl and get her for me, bring her to me alive, let the others know what she’s done.” Jaehyun gives the guest his demand and uses the elevator instead.
By the time you get to the first floor, a mob of angry staff and hotel guests crowd you so you can’t leave.
“What the hell is going on here? He’s a monster, we need to call the police!!”
Jaehyun shakes his head. “As far as they know, you’re the only monster here, y/ tried to kill me, but it’s okay..” he grabs the knife and takes it out of his neck like it’s nothing. 
Your mouth falls open in horror.
“Just a graze, that’s all.” He chuckles.
“Please let me go, I won’t tell anyone about what I’ve seen, I’ll never come back.”
“But that’s the thing, darling, I want, no, I need you here with me, I love you.”Jaehyun reaches out to you
Your mouth falls open as tears run down your cheeks. “What? You’re insane.”
“Everyone else was so easy to hold on to..the people around you are all mine, I feed off of them, and give them a better life. Nothing feels as good to them as I do.” He says smoothly. “But’re different. I thought last night would’ve sealed the deal, but once again, I was wrong.”
He laughs out.
“Jaehyun, I’ll do anything, please just let me go.”
“Your blood is magnificent too, the first night you came to me felt like a blessing. I knew you had to be mine, my wife, forever.”
“Please..why me?” You sob as you watch his neck heal rapidly, you on the other hand, feel terrible because of how much blood he took from you the night before. You knew you were too weak to fight.
He speeds towards you and takes you into his arms. He bites into your neck once more and feels you lose consciousness. “Because you’re my favorite.”
940 notes · View notes
nakamotonudes · 2 months ago
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Obsession (One)
Jung Jaehyun x Reader
“Jaehyun has a secret obsession. You.”
genre/warning; MATURE. smut. suggestive. a little angst(?). crack. stepbrother!jaehyun. dom!jaehyun. possessive!jaehyun 😈. innocent/fem!reader. weak af reader, for sure lol. 5.1k words.
“And who do we have here?”
Your head perks up from your phone at the sudden voice to lock eyes with a rather handsome boy about your step brother’s age, making his way closer towards where you were huddled up on the doorstep with your suitcases. His dirty blonde hair and dangly earrings caught your eyes almost immediately, his arms beautifully decorated in numerous tattoos like the ones on your brother’s arm.
“Ahhhhh Jung Jaehyun’s sister?” he questions, a light bulb seemingly going off inside his mind. Squatting down to your eye level, the handsome boy shamelessly gives your bare legs a quick glance before focusing back to your face with a cheeky grin, “You’re even prettier in real life than in photos.”
“You... know me?”
“Nope but we will definitely change that,” he responds excitingly and places his hand out in a handshake gesture. “I’m Jaehyun’s best friend, Kim Jungwoo.”
“Hi-” as you politely reach out for a handshake, Jungwoo took a hold of it and brought it up to his lip, softly kissing the back of your hand. Your cheeks instantly flush a bright red, embarrassed and surprised at the stranger’s abrupt actions and of course with it being the first anyone’s kissed your hand.
“Come, I’ll let you inside with the spare key. Jaehyun’s probably sleeping.”
You quietly thank him under your breath and follow closely behind the taller boy (who had thankfully taken your two heavy suitcases with him) into your brother’s now unlocked front door. Your mouth immediately went agape at the beautiful two storey home that was definitely way too spacious for two occupants, let alone one.
“You’re here.”
“You were in here the whole time?” you puff in disbelief at the sudden appearance of your sweaty, unapologetic-looking brother in the hallway, his clothes and hands dirtied with some sort of black liquid, “I’ve been calling you for the past two hours!”
You couldn’t help but gaze at him for a moment. It was almost unfair how good he looked in such simple clothing, a pair of grey sweatpants and a loose white shirt was all it took for your palms to sweat.
It had been months since you saw him, the last time being the Christmas family dinner. He had showed up with a small new neck tattoo, adding to the extensive collection already on his body and although his dad had a quick go at him for such a “poor life choice” you had secretly found it rather captivating.
“Looks like he was in his garage, fixing his beloved bikes,” the dirty blonde haired boy chuckles light-heartedly, his hand going to pat at your lower back, immediately catching your step brother’s attention, “He ignores everyone when he’s in there with them, so don’t be so angry at him princess.”
“Princess?” Both you and Jaehyun’s voice blurt out in unison, eyebrows furrowing at the random nickname this stranger decided to give you out of the blue. You were quick to catch on with Jaehyun’s sudden change of expression as well, seemingly annoyed by his friend’s touchy actions.
“Go to Taeyong’s house first, I’ll meet you there after I shower.”
Hearing Jaehyun’s stern tone of voice had Jungwoo quickly waving you a goodbye before disappearing through the front door, all in about 3 seconds. It was obvious who the alpha was in their friendship and now that you were left alone with the alpha himself, you were nervous. You felt small in front of your much much taller step brother, his entire physique was practically four times your own and his gaze made you feel like he could see right through your clothes.
“You actually came?” he interrupts your thoughts with a low scoff, his brows lifting into a surprised look, “I didn’t think dad would let you live with me.”
“I- what do you mean?” saying you were confused at his words would’ve been quite the understatement because this was the first time you’ve heard such a thing, “Why-why wouldn’t he?”
“I think it’s better that you don’t know, wouldn’t want to ruin that innocent mind of yours anyway,” his eyes continue to linger around your body, a little longer than necessary and you immediately swore at yourself for wearing such a low cut top, “Just stay out of my way and I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that problem.”
With his fingers threading through his hair, Jaehyun made his way up the stairs; leaving you behind in the middle of the hallway. You wanted to question him more about what he meant by “I didn’t think dad would let you live with me” but thought it was best to keep your mouth shut, being a mere guest in his house after all.
You and Jung Jaehyun were never close, neither did you know him personally before your parents got together. Even though you lived in the same neighbourhood and attended the same high school as him growing up, you barely ever talked or even saw him around school. He hung out with his clique of popular friends, while you mostly stayed in the classroom with your friends. Your two worlds never met. Until your parents married while he was in his first year at college and you in your final year of high school.
You never really spoke to him much either, with him only ever coming home for celebrations of some sort like birthdays or Christmas. Other than that, there was no interaction. At first you were excited at the thought of an older brother if not that, then at least a similar aged friend in the family but Jaehyun kept his distance. You for sure knew of this. He never spoke to you, especially when the parents were around.
You just passed this off as his cold personality but now that you were going to be living with him, you had sort of hoped that he would have treated you a little nicer.
Guess not.
You sigh at the sight of your two massive suitcases lying beside you, the thought of dragging them up his stairs already exhausted you but Jaehyun was already gone at this point. With one step at a time, you manage to drag one of them up to the top of the stairs, silently cursing yourself for bringing so much with you to begin with.
Unfortunately, the second suitcase was quite heavier than the first so it took more of you to actually get it up every step. You couldn’t help but softly giggle by yourself when the top step came into view, your mind already celebrating at the thought of being able to rest after this. But of course nothing goes as planned in your life and the moment your foot sets onto that top step, your suitcase slips out of your grip and tumbles back down; your body slightly dragged along with it but the sudden hand around your arm prevents you from going any further.
You look back to lock eyes with Jaehyun, his hand pulling you right back into his chest, your heart fluttering at the move.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first such a thing has happened.
It was on the day that you moved into Jaehyun’s dad’s house. Though you were obviously struggling, you managed to somehow pull your massive suitcase up the staircase by yourself but you ended up tripping on that very top step, allowing your entire suitcase to go tumbling back down with you almost going along with it. Luckily for you, Jaehyun was just exiting his bathroom at that point and was quick to grab you by the waist, pulling you back against him; saving your dumb ass self from potentially injuring yourself.
You remembered your heart racing at the sight of his bare wet torso, having obviously just showered a moment before you arrived. His handsome face and the way he held you in his strong arms unfortunately remained in the back of your head since. But you brushed off that lingering weird feeling from the bottom of your stomach because he was your step brother after all, you sicko.
And here you were again, with his arm wrapped protectively around your body and your face so close that you’d be able to kiss him if you were to tippy toe.
“Thank-thank you for that.”
Placing you back onto your feet, Jaehyun took hold of your suitcases and brought them further down the hallway.
“Hey- where are you taking my stuff? Jaehyun-”
With how closely you were running after him, you didn’t have enough time to stop yourself when he suddenly halted in front of a room; your entire body crashing into his rather harshly and stupidly. His menacing eyes glanced down at you, silently warning you to watch yourself and you hurried to take one step back.
“Stay in here. I don’t care what you do but stay out of my room and the garage.”
Your lips naturally form into a pout at his threatening words; the same pout you’d have whenever you were being scolded or simply didn’t like something. It was something rather natural for you; an old, childish habit that you thought would’ve fazed out as you grew up, but never did.
Maybe you were crazy but you swore you noticed his gaze falling to your lips, a slight smirk forming on the ends of his own almost immediately. There’s a strange feeling brewing in the pit of your stomach, your entire body tensing up from the way he’s looking at you. You don’t know what the feeling is but you knew it wasn’t one to have of your step brother, that’s for sure.
“Do you-” his finger was now at your chin, lifting it slightly so you could look him in the eye. You gulp at the lump in your throat and move away from his touch, your eyes never once leaving his but he was quick to grab hold of your chin again, “Do you understand?”
“Ye-yes. Of course I do, I’m not a child.”
Knowing that you blushed quite easily and quite obviously, you hurry into your room and slam the door shut in his face. You took no time in face planting onto the bed, the soft white bed sheets welcoming you in like you belonged there. It was insane how Jaehyun’s small actions could make you feel so worked up like this.
Despite being in a group of friends that were constantly screaming about handsome boys throughout high school, you were the only one who couldn’t care less about it. But Jaehyun was different. You don’t know what it is about him that always had your eyes lingering a little longer, your palms slightly sweaty and your knees giving in to the mere sight of him.
You’re going insane. It had to be that.
With such unwanted thoughts about your step brother playing over and over, you close your tired eyes and gradually drift off into some much needed slumber.
When you woke up later in the afternoon, you immediately felt hungry; having eaten only a sandwich earlier in the day. At some point, you heard the front door slamming and what must’ve been the roaring sound of Jaehyun’s motorbike speeding down the street; meaning that you were finally alone but with unknown dinner plans.
Tip toeing your way down to the kitchen, you open up to an almost empty fridge; a few beer cans, energy drinks and boxes of leftover takeaway food filling it. You actually hadn’t expected to find much from a boy living alone like him anyway but a part of you had hoped to find at least one thing to eat.
“What are you doing?”
Your entire body flung around at the sudden voice in your ear, ready to scream and punch at the intruder, only to come face to face with Jaehyun. He was leaning into you way too much for your liking, his entire frame towering threateningly over you against the fridge that you were now unfortunately pressed against. In one of his hands, a bag of take out while the other was securely around your waist, holding you still in place.
“You-you scared me!” you huff in surprise, arms naturally holding onto your heaving chest, “Didn’t you just leave? Why are you here?!”
“Are you asking me why I’m in my own house?” he rolls his eyes at a very dramatic you. To your dismay, Jaehyun leans in even closer, his eyes never once leaving your lips and you swore for a moment there you thought he was going to kiss you. The sight of his undeniably handsome face so up close in your space had your heart going wild inside your chest, your body reacting in a way that you’ve never felt before in your entire nineteen years.
Your hands naturally fly up to cover your lips as your eyes shut themselves, afraid that he was really going to lean in and do the unexpected. But one second passes, then three, then five. Nothing.
By the time you felt daring enough to open your eyes, Jaehyun was already standing by the kitchen island, placing the bag of food down with an unamused look on his face.
“Eat or dad will kill me for letting you starve.”
You wanted to facepalm yourself for having such depraved thoughts about your own step brother and of course embarrassing yourself in front of him. Why would he ever want to kiss someone like you?
“Oh- th-thanks...” you barely manage to mutter, “you went out earlier and bought me food?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I just didn’t want you chucking a sook to dad.”
Your lips naturally pursue into a pout at him walking away and leaving through the front door, confusion immediately flooding your mind. Why was your heart thrashing inside your chest for Jaehyun?
After devouring the take out to random reruns of Friends in the living room by yourself, you got yourself comfortable on the long expensive-looking couch and fell asleep.
You have no idea how long you were lying there but in your half asleep mind, you could feel a dip at the other side of the couch, the person’s arm lightly grazing the ends of your feet in the process. A shiver shoots through you when you feel their hot fingertips on your leg, softly drawing circles on your cold skin. Your eyes gradually stir open, your mind questioning whether you were dreaming or not.
“Jae-Jaehyun is that you?”
Groggily sitting up from your position, you rub at your tired eyes to see that no one was actually there. The touching felt so real that it was hard to believe that it was just a dream but if Jaehyun really did come home, you would’ve heard the front door at least.
Turning off the television, you make your way up towards your room... only to halt your steps when you see light in Jaehyun’s room. That could only mean that he had come home sometime during your nap. Your eyes instantly widen at the thought of what happened earlier and the possibility of it being real after all.
Was Jaehyun touching your legs before?
No way, why would he do that?
Shaking your head, you laugh at yourself for even thinking that someone like Jaehyun would want to creepily touch someone like you. It was probably just a dream.
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“Dude this sounds like the start of a porno... the whole step brother step sister scenario-”
“Are you sick?” you slap your best friend, Eunji’s arm and roll your eyes in disgust. This was not what you were expecting her to respond with once you told her about your encounter with Jaehyun the previous day, thankfully leaving out your weird maybe-dream on the couch, “He’s my brother!”
“Correction, step brother. You guys aren’t even related,” she sighs a little too dramatically at you and takes a sip from her coffee, “I mean, I don’t want to sound like every other girl on campus but Jung Jaehyun is like really hot so I wouldn’t be surprised if you end up having a crush on him.”
“I do not have a crush on him! Yeah he’s somewhat good looking but so what-”
“Yeah yeah yeah I know he’s your step brother. You’ve said this a million times already,” she shrugs you off and turns her attention back to her phone, “Well I’m sorry but you can’t stay with me so have fun with your hot as fuck step brother!”
You had decided to visit your best friend who lived on campus to see what other accommodation options you had, since bunking at Jaehyun’s house for the entirety of your degree seemed like a bad choice at this point, especially with him threatening you half the time, while giving you mini heart attacks the other half.
You had initially hoped to move in with your friend on campus, only to find out that she already had an older - just about to graduate - roommate whose contract was ending in exactly one month. Fortunate yet unfortunate at the same time for you.
You spent the ten minute walk home from campus contemplating back and forth on whether you wanted to continue living with your step brother or not. He just made you so nervous, your body always becoming so fidgety whenever he would simply look your way. All this and it had only been a day and a half since you moved in, imagine the next four years.
And as the unlucky magnet that you were, you spot Jaehyun dragging his beloved bike out of the garage as you arrive home. You gulp at the view. The view of Jaehyun in a leather jacket, black jeans and a white tee.
Why does he always look so good?
“Hey Jae... you going somewhere?”
“What is it?”
“It’s called having a conversation,” you were quick to snap at his bluntness but almost immediately regretted it upon seeing his glare, “It-it’s what normal siblings do.”
“Siblings?” he scoffs back, his eyes scanning you from head to toe in a rather suggestive manner, his brows raising at the sight of your bare legs underneath your skirt, “Our parents getting together doesn’t mean we are in any way, siblings.”
“Then what are we?”
“We’ll see.”
“Watch your pretty little mouth,” he warns you with that usual stern face of his, his fingers gently grazing against your shirt’s collar, “or we’re going to have a problem.”
Oh really, you wanted to taunt him but the thought of making him angry kept your lips tight. You surely didn’t want to be thrown out on the streets because of something as stupid as not keeping your mouth shut.
You spent the next three days keeping to yourself in your room, only ever coming out once every while to eat or use the bathroom down the hallway. It wasn’t like you were trying to avoid your step brother but- actually, that was exactly what you were doing. And lucky for you, Jaehyun left you alone the entire time. You’d hear him leave the house after waking up then coming home in the early hours of the next morning. And repeat.
On the fourth night, Eunji had thankfully invited you out for a much needed girly catch up session. You had snuck out of the house earlier in the afternoon when you were sure that Jaehyun was in his own room, not exactly wanting to run into him either. Besides, you were doing so well staying out of his way up until this point.
Eunji had picked you up and driven you to a local student bar where the two of you spent hours taking a walk down memory lane of the good old school days and everything in between. It sucked that your other best friends had chosen to attend other colleges but with Eunji by your side for the next four years, you were sure everything would be just fine.
“You’re usually more open when you’re drunk,” she playfully winked at you from the driver’s seat as she turned into your driveway, “Maybe use this chance to get acquainted with your step brother.”
“For the tenth time tonight! I am not going to fuck Jaehyun! You fuck him if you like!”
“Trust me dude, I’ve been trying,” she chuckles and attempts to push you out the passenger seat, “Go. Don’t trip over on your way to the front door and ruin that unpleasant face of yours more.”
Rolling your eyes dramatically at your friend, you mutter a quick bye before heading up to the front door. You weren’t exactly drunk but being the light weight that you were, the three beers you had earlier were enough to have you stumbling about a little bit.
You were praying that Jaehyun would be out and judging by the minimal lights inside the house, you were pretty sure that he was. It was a Saturday night after all so what would a popular guy like him be doing at home anyway?
Fidgeting through the mess of your bag, you fish out your new house keys and stumble inside to the empty home. Plopping down onto the kitchen stool, you sigh in relief, knowing that at least you could relax a little without having to worry about running into Jaehyun for now.
You could just shower and go straight to bed... but drunkenness and curiosity got the better of you and before you could stop yourself, you were already wandering around Jaehyun’s massive two storey home despite having his threatening words from the first day screaming in the back of your head.
There were three rooms in total; a study, his bedroom - that you didn’t dare to enter - and a guest bedroom where you stayed. Before you knew it, you found yourself standing by the opened door that led to the garage. Peeking your head inside, you nosily scan the darkly lit space that he had somewhat turned into his own car work station. Car pieces and expensive looking equipment decorated the entire place, along with three motorbikes parked up against the wall. There was something similar back in the garage at his dad’s place and never once did you dare to enter, knowing just how much he hated anyone in there, touching his stuff.
“Woooow who needs this much equipment anyway-”
“What are you doing?”
You didn’t even have time to react before you were harshly pushed up against the hallway’s wall with Jaehyun’s hand now clasped around the back of your neck and his face barely an inch away from yours. His alcoholic filled breath had you immediately feeling dizzy, the heaviness of it telling you that he had way too much to drink already.
Your eyes close at the sudden impact, hands instantly clawing at his shirt to maintain your balance. Realising just how close Jaehyun was to you, you panic; your chest heaving uncontrollably at the mere sight of his plump lips in front of you. He was definitely way too close, so close that you could feel his heartbeat against your chest.
You daringly glance up to meet his gaze, his darkened orbs immediately told you that he was not in the mood to deal with you. You felt more intoxicated than you already were, the smell of his familiar cologne and alcohol attacking your senses from every direction.
“Jaehyun let-let go.”
“I thought I made myself clear,” his hand gripped even tighter onto the back of your neck, fingers digging into your skin and you let out a quiet yelp at the pain, “that I didn’t want to see you going anywhere near here.”
Even in your drunken state that you were quick to duck your head to the side when he swooped forward out of the blue, his face buried in your hair, just beside your heated cheeks.
“Jaehyun- stop...” your soft pleas had the ends of his lips pull into a slight smirk, obviously amused at your pathetic state, “I was just curious-”
You knew he was ‘indifferent’ to you already but this was something else. It was like a switch had flicked off inside of him once he went from sober to drunk, going from bad to worse.
“You said you’re not a child yet you don’t listen to a single thing I say. Do you want me to punish you?”
“No Jaehyun... I won’t do it again...”
You could feel his hot breath against your cheek, a clear indication of just how close his lips were to your skin. The mere thought of the potential contact between you and your step brother had your mind in a daze, your thoughts running wild on how his lips would feel on you. You knew this was absurd, to have such deranged thoughts about him but you couldn’t suppress it; at least not when he’s manhandling you like this. Maybe it’s because you’re slightly tipsy that you feel a sudden urge in you, the urge to feel his lips on yours. You’ve never felt such a way for some before and it took everything in you not to kiss him.
“Say it again.”
“I-I won’t do it again... Jae-”
“One more time.”
You silently blink away your forming tears to focus on him, partially confused as to why he was making you repeat it over. “Jaehyun... I won’t do it again.”
“See, you can be a good girl after all,” he chuckles lowly against your cheek, the grip of his hand on the back of your neck now gone, “If you don’t behave, I don’t know what I’ll end up doing to you the next time.”
You waited obediently for his next move but the moment he moved away slightly, you took the chance to slip out of his hold and make a run for it. You didn’t even bother to look back at Jaehyun but ran as fast as you could up to your room and locked the door, sliding down against it until you were on the floor with your knees up against your chest.
You just couldn’t wrap your head around Jaehyun. Something about him made you constantly nervous, constantly lost for words and unreasonably obedient. Any sane person would have pushed him away, slapped him, anything but you felt frozen; unable to fight back against him.
What was wrong with you.
You have no idea when you fell asleep during the night but when you woke up, you realised that it was almost half past seven in the morning. Before going to sleep last night, you remembered hearing Jaehyun’s motorbike leaving the driveway so he could’ve possibly come home in the early hours of the morning and was still sleeping or he could’ve possibly stayed out at his friend’s place. You were kind of hoping for the latter.
Having fallen asleep in last night’s dirty clothes, you decide it was best to take a refreshing shower. Maybe you could go out and explore the neighbourhood or call your best friend to go shopping, either way, it was better than running into Jaehyun after what happened last night. You couldn’t wrap your head around the weird encounter and why it played out like it did. The way his rough hand gripped your neck, holding you in place as he got into your personal space. The way his lips brushed across the tip of your ear as he whispered lowly to you...
It was probably best if you didn’t get drunk at the same time with him anymore...
Turning off the taps after your much needed hot shower, you frantically fidgeted around for your towel that you specifically remembered carrying along with your clothes when you left your bedroom earlier. There was no way it could’ve dropped in the hallway because you would’ve noticed. Right?
Fuck, you swore under your breath at the thought of having to dash through the hallway to your bedroom with no clothes but there was just no way you were going to wipe yourself with dirty, alcohol stained clothes from yesterday night. Besides, your room was literally three seconds away so the chances of getting caught was almost none. Besides, Jaehyun was probably not even home.
With your pyjama dress in your hand, partially covering your modesty, you open the bathroom door to make a run for it-
“Jae-Jaehyun- you’re... home.”
And there he was, standing on the other side of the door. You must’ve looked like a deer caught in headlights, your fingers nervously clutching onto the thin material of your pyjamas that you knew was barely doing its job of covering you.
His brows furrow at the sight of you, naked and completely dripping wet in his bathroom. His eyes rack over your body shamelessly, the tip of his tongue darting out to lick at his bottom lip hungrily at the view. The way he’s staring at you made you feel even more naked than you already were and although you should’ve just closed the door at his face at this point... you didn’t.
Your breath hitches in your throat when he takes one step forward, closing the already non existent gap between your bodies. His tall frame is towering over yours, causing you to stumble a little backwards into the bathroom again. The scenes of yesterday night immediately clouds your mind again and you feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach with the mere thought of his lips almost touching your skin.
Without saying a word, he hands you your towel (that you did indeed drop in the hallway) with a rather displeased look on his face. You silently curse yourself for being so careless in someone else’s home; to be more precise, your step brother’s home. If you hadn’t grabbed your sleeping top with you to cover just a moment earlier and decided to run naked, Jaehyun would’ve seen everything.
Face palm.
“Ah- tha-thank you.”
Your voice was barely audible in the silent hallway, your words sounding more breathy than you had hoped but Jaehyun’s presence always made you feel tense. After last night, this was definitely not how you had wanted to run into him again; practically naked and making a mess on his floor.
As he began to walk away, you thought about bringing up yesterday night’s events when your eyes suddenly caught onto something partially hanging from his pocket. Something pink, the lacy material resembling pantie-
Pink panties.
Your pink panties that you had also dropped in the hallway.
to be continued.
notes; chapter two will be better!
tag list; @chanyeolscoon @ne0yong @knamjooncrazy @omisemi @yourchasingsunsetslove @babyracha97 @ukiyoneo @keuriiii @the-universe-in-you-jjh​ @jeongjaepeach​ ❤❤❤❤❤
- C @nakamotonudes
968 notes · View notes
luvdsc · 9 months ago
pussy blocked.
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Y/N’s unofficial guide on how to be a heartbreaker:
1. have fun. 2. never stay the night. 3. always be the first one to leave. 4. never hook up with the same person twice. 5. don’t fall in love with boys like lee jeno.
pairing :: lee jeno x reader genre :: angst, comedy, fluff ⋮ fuckboy/girl + college au word count :: 31,360 words warnings :: y/n has a breakdown at one point, dick jokes, sexual innuendos, implied sex but it’s like a romcom movie where we skip to the morning after because i don’t write about places where the sun doesn’t shine, and of course it’s not a luvdsc fic without a whole bunch of mutual pining playlist :: break my heart (hey violet) ⋆ lowkey (niki) ⋆ pancakes (lany) ⋆ i left a party for you (pilar victoria) ⋆ blurry (jp saxe) ⋆ slow (shy martin) ⋆ we’re fucked, it’s fine (jeremy zucker) ⋆ happiness (taylor swift) ⋆ this is how you fall in love (jeremy zucker & chelsea cutler) + extended playlist here. author’s note :: this is me putting my biggest fears on blast :’) ty to ti @m88n, steph @aqiaquas, tk god @eggyukhei, and lana @choerrypuffs for being my biggest cheerleaders !!! and especially to @wincore​ thank you for listening to all my incoherent ramblings and ideas and accepting it all within an hour of us starting to talk LOL ily moon ♡
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i. the devil wears leather jackets.
“Thoughts on leather jackets?”
Yeeun hoists herself onto the scratched counter of the tiny bathroom, cheap neon strips of flashing lights pasted around the edges of the ceiling and the booming bass of the music barely muffled by the closed door. She swings her legs, the heels of her boots banging lightly against the cabinet beneath her.
“They’re cute. Why? Don’t you already have like, three of them?” Your fingers curl around the lip gloss your best friend offers to you. You thank her before you lean forward, uncapping the makeup and spreading an even, glossy coat over your lips.
“Not on me!” She taps her manicured fingers against her thigh rhythmically. “Actually, maybe on me. There’s a really good sale going on at Madewell right now. Maybe I’ll get one.”
“Another night of drunk retail therapy?” You pucker your lips, angling your face slightly to check that you had applied enough of the shimmery gloss. You quickly adjust the satin white crop top you have on that makes your boobs look phenomenal. Perfect. It’s the first party of your final year at university, and you would very much like to start it off with a bang and leave with a cute guy tonight.
“Sober me will thank me tomorrow.” She waves her hand dismissively before taking back the gloss from you and shoving it unceremoniously into her bra (because one hand holding a purse means one less hand holding a drink) before pushing herself off from her counter perch. “Anyway, you’re missing the point! What do you think of boys in leather jackets?”
You narrow your eyes at her, scrutinizing her fidgeting figure through the mirror. “Alright, spill it. Who’s this about?”
“I overheard Mark telling Yukhei that Jeno was asking about you.”
You temporarily pause in place, horror flashbacks already playing like a montage at the mention of him, before facing your friend, who’s already looking at you expectantly. “Did he say why?”
“Who knows? He started throwing up on Yukhei’s shoes, so I had to move away from the target zone.”
You wince at that. Poor Mark was always a lightweight and yet, he always accepts whatever drink Donghyuck hands him. And the latter always mixes concoctions with cheap vodka making up at least 40% of the contents.
“Isn’t this exciting though? The Lee Jeno is interested in you,” she squeals, grabbing onto your arm excitedly.
“I’ve been there. Freshman year, two minutes and beard burn. Literally, the worst experience of my life. Zero out of ten, no stars on Yelp, would swipe left on Tinder, maybe even report him to save other people from the horror.”
“Okay, some points were made, but he must’ve gotten better, right? It’s been like three years. Unless he paid all those girls to talk about his dick game.” She taps her finger against her chin, pondering thoughtfully. “You know, I feel like that’s what Jaemin does. Like he seriously can’t be that great, but I hear a different girl gush about him in every class.”
“No, I can confirm. Jaemin’s a sweetheart. He gave me a water bottle and Advil on the way out. He even made me breakfast before I left. Honestly, I would hook up with him again just for those blueberry pancakes.” You turn and twist the doorknob open. “Anyway, it’s a big house. I doubt I’ll run into hi—”
Speak of the devil and he shall appear in all his leather clad, silver necklace and rings, low dipping shirt, and black ripped skinny jeans glory.
Lee Jeno: the walking cliché of every teenage girl’s wildest dreams and every mother’s nightmare. He’s living, breathing proof that bad boys who wear the typical leather jacket and drive a sleek car with one hand on the steering wheel, but also have a hidden soft side (because you caught him smuggling a stray cat into his dorm once during sophomore year) actually exist. It’s Lee Jeno with a different girl wrapped around his finger every night or morning or even sometimes mid-afternoon; Lee Jeno with his pretty eye smile that can make anyone swoon; Lee Jeno with his classic fuckboy tendencies that you cannot understand for the life of you why so many girls, and even some boys, fall for so willingly.
Or for you, Lee Jeno: the boy who was your first and absolute worst hookup way back in freshman year. It’s more like a burning, fiery meteor crash landing than a pleasant stroll down memory lane when you think of him. He’s the reason you desperately wished you listened to Jennie when she told you to find an older, more experienced boy to have your first college hookup with, and not a fellow lowly freshman. In your defense, upperclassmen were big and scary, and Jeno—the cute boy from one of your classes who was showing you pictures of his three cats back home and profusely sweating away in his leather jacket because he wanted to look cool at his first frat party—seemed relatively harmless that night.
You were sorely mistaken. Literally. That memory still gives you PTSD. You had the stache rash, beard burn, whatever you want to call it, to prove it. To put it lightly, it felt like razor burns in the most unpleasant intimate places because a certain someone didn’t think having stubble (which he was weirdly proud of) would make a difference. It sure as hell made all the difference because those two minutes were the most miserable two minutes of your entire twenty-two years of life. Not even the seven Jell-o shots you had before that could help.
Even worse, he didn’t even make you see stars, not even a single damn measly one, but for once, you were thanking the gods for the short timing that night. He certainly made quite the impression in only 120 seconds. And to top it off, he didn’t even call you after that night.
So yeah, you aren’t really a fan of the guy. No matter how stupidly attractive he still is. Especially when he dons his stupid leather jacket. The one he let you borrow that same night after he spilled jungle juice on you. And the very same one he’s wearing right now.
“Y/N.” Jeno cocks his head to the side, the corners of his lips quirking up into an all too familiar smirk. “I was just looking for you.”
“I didn’t know we were playing hide and seek, but congrats, you found me.” You start to brush past him, motioning for Yeeun to help you make a quick getaway.
“Wait, can we talk?” His hand reaches out to circle your wrist, and you stop.
“About what?” You say flatly, shaking his arm away, and from the corner of your eye, you can see Yeeun quietly creeping away. She gives you a thumbs up and a wink as you desperately try to signal for her to come back, but to no avail.
“How’s Hyunjin?” he asks abruptly, and you raise an eyebrow at him before shrugging. “Who knows? We broke up two months ago.”
“Oh, really? My condolences.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “At least try to sound a little more sincere than that. Why are you asking anyway? What do you want, Jeno?”
“Let’s fuck.”
If you were taking a sip of one of Donghyuck’s cursed drinks right now, you would have accidentally spat it out right in his face. And then tossed the rest of it onto him on purpose.
“Wow, is this how you get all the girls into your bed? Real charming,” you say, sarcasm dripping off of every word. It’s a wonder how your panties didn’t just magically drop with such a romantic offer.
“You asked what I wanted,” He replies, trailing behind you closely as you weave through the dancing bodies and make your way to the kitchen. Lord knows you’re gonna need a drink if he insists on continuing this conversation. “So that’s one of my points. The other point might need a few minutes, depending on your answer.”
“Your dick is rated e for everyone, and I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.”
“That’s okay, you can use your mouth instead. I’m not picky.”
“Oh my god.” You nearly choke at that, and Jeno has a massive grin on his face, looking like the cat that ate the canary. You immediately proceed to give him a different type of bird, and he laughs.
“You're hot, I’m hot, we’re both single, and I know you aren’t batshit crazy, so why not?”
“How do you know I’m not crazy?”
“You never mass publicized our uh, you know…”
“The razor burn fiasco?” You stop at the drinks counter, crossing your arms over your chest, and he grimaces, throwing his hands up in defense.
“Okay, was it really that bad? I didn’t think it was.”
“Take a cheese grater and drag your dick across it, and then you can get back to me on that question. And you only lasted two minutes. You should probably report that to the Guinness world record people.”
“That was freshman year, and I’ve gotten tons of practice now.” He flippantly dismisses your previous statement and gives you a cocky smile, rolling his tongue against the inside of his cheek.
“With who? Your hand?” You scoff, grabbing an empty red cup that looks relatively clean before pouring a little vodka and some orange juice into it. You take a sip of it cautiously, wrinkling your nose at the aftertaste. Yeah, that cup wasn’t clean at all, and you’re hit with the gross taste of cheap beer.
Jeno notices and grabs the cup from you, rummaging through the fridge to pull out a couple Jell-O shots and handing them to you. He downs your discarded drink as you eye the jiggly alcohol skeptically.
“You like those, right? I remember you had a bunch of them back then.” He shrugs, and you feel oddly touched that he would actually remember your drink preference. Of course, it’s not like the options were that vast at a college party. It’s either beer, vodka, a mix of it all, or Jell-o. But still.
Oh god, you can’t believe this is what your inner monologue is saying. Are you really swooning over a guy who knows what drink you like? The bar for men has really been set too low. The bar may not be your son, but you desperately need to raise it. Plus, you definitely weren’t going to tell him the only reason you kept taking those shots on that fateful night was because you were nervous and he was cute.
“Yeah, I like them, thanks,” you mutter before swirling your finger around the edges of the disposable container and tossing the contents into your mouth. You throw the empty plastic into the nearest trash bag tied to one of the cupboard handles.
“So I heard you were looking for me,” you start as you prepare another Jell-O shot. “And I highly doubt it’s just because you want to fuck. So why?”
“Just thought it’d be fun. For old times’ sake, right?”
“Bullshit. Everyone knows you and Jaemin have that messed up body count competition going on. You do know that you have to sleep with someone new to increase that, right?” You maneuver yourself around to the other side of the counter to take a handful of chips.
“Yes, I am well aware, thank you.” His eyes follow you as he leans against the counter, fishing out from the large plastic bowl one of the individually wrapped chocolate candies Jaemin impulsively bought at the Target sale.
“What’s the real reason, Jeno?” You stare at him, cocking your head to the side. “You can’t possibly tell me it’s because I gave you the best blow job you ever had because eighteen year old me definitely wasn’t that good at it yet.”
He laughs at that, teeth flashing as his lips pull into a genuine smile for once, and you have to hide your own. God, this is why girls get hung over cute boys, isn’t it? Light travels faster than the speed of sound, and you’re getting sucked into how pretty his smile is until he opens his mouth and ruins it all.
“Fine. Real reason, honest to god. You’re the only one who got a shit experience. My track record is perfect, except for you, and it bothers me.”
“So you’re saying your ego is so massive that you can’t jack off properly unless you know you rocked every girl’s world?” You wrinkle your nose, an expression of disbelief written all over your face.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Oh my god, you’re such an asshole.”
“Hey, I’m an honest asshole. I’m not stringing along anyone or pretending to be interested just to get into someone’s pants. They all know it’s just a one night deal, and they’re fine with it. Or more than fine actually.” He winks at you, and you fake gag.
“You’re telling me that all those girls were satisfied?”
“Hey, babe,” he calls out to a pretty girl dancing near the doorway to the living room. She turns to face the two of you, and eyes slightly widening, you recognize her as Sei from your Sustainable Operation Management class. You always thought she was a little more on the uptight side, but apparently not. “How was your experience with me? Scale of one to ten.”
“Oh, ten,” she says immediately before turning to you. “Jeno does this amazing move with his tongue where he—”
“Okay, thank you, I will never be drunk enough to hear about your sexcapades in detail.” You take a vodka shot, hoping its effects will hit you fast soon.
“Thanks, babe.” He winks at her, and she nods, blowing him a kiss before tipsily swaying out the door again. He faces you again with a cocky expression. “Wanna hear a review from someone else with personal experience?”
“No. And ‘babe’? Really?”
“You don’t have to remember their name if you call them all the same thing,” he says nonchalantly, pouring himself another cup of beer, and you frown at him, a nasty look of disgust emerging on your face.
“If that’s supposed to make me want to sleep with you, you’re way off, babe.”
“That doesn’t work because I know you know my name, Y/N.”
Scoffing, you start your walk towards the living room in search of Yeeun. She has the car keys, and you’re ready to go back to your shared apartment and crash. Plus, the carton of Ben and Jerry’s in your freezer back home is really calling your name right about now.
Jeno follows behind you closely, and when you suddenly pause and turn to face him, you catch him off guard. He bumps into you, and the contents of his solo cup sloshes onto the front of your shirt.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” he panics, putting the cup down somewhere before frantically looking around for napkins or towels, literally anything to wipe it off, but comes up empty handed.
Fan-freaking-tastic. This feels exactly like how your first night with him started, but this time, you’re going to have to take your shirt off for the wrong reason.
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ii. hey send pussy pics (read at 2:32 a.m.)
The two of you end up back in square one, standing in the same cramped bathroom once more as Jeno insists on wetting some paper towels for you and helping you clean up the alcohol soaked shirt that was unpleasantly sticking against your skin.
“Didn't you pour your drink on me last time, too?” You peel off your shirt, balling it up and running it under the faucet. “You know, if you wanted me to take off my clothes, you didn’t have to go this far.”
His eyes grow wide as he splutters, “I didn’t do it on purpose! I’m sorry! I swear, it was an accident—!”
“Relax, I’m just joking.” You grin at him, feeling a little endeared at his response (Perhaps, it reminds you of freshman Jeno. You miss that cat loving dude. Too bad he’s after a different kind of cat now). He lets out an audible sigh of relief, and you laugh. “Can you hold this? I wanna wipe off the rest that’s on my skin. It’s kinda feeling gross and sticky.”
“Why does this vaguely sound like a conversation we had before?” He hands you the paper towels and grabs your shirt, beginning to scrub out the stain. You can’t stop the laughter from bubbling up in your throat again as you try to clean yourself up as best as possible.
“So do you still pick up girls by showing them pictures of Bongsik, Seol, and Nal?”
Jeno pauses, shifting to look over at you, and says softly, “You remember their names?”
“You can’t expect me to not know their names after looking at pics of them for over an hour,” you answer, huffing slightly when you see that the beer stained one of the front pockets of your jeans. You’re going to have to see if you can borrow Tzuyu’s Tide pen tomorrow and scrub it out. There’s no way you’re going to walk to the laundromat tomorrow morning and spend $2.25 in quarters just to wash a single pair of pants. Even if it’s your favorite pair that makes your butt look like a million bucks.
“How are they doing anyway? Does Bongsik still bully Nal?”
“Yes,” he snorts, holding up your soaked shirt after wringing it out. You reach for the hair dryer in the bottom cabinet and plug it in before directing the hot air towards the wet fabric. “She acts like she hates him, but my mom sent me pictures of them napping together in front of the window.”
“I remember you promised me you’d send me pics of them, but you never did,” you mention, pouting slightly. “I was really looking forward to those.”
“I mean, I was going to, but…” He trails off, shaking his head slightly. “Sorry, I guess I must’ve forgotten.”
“Yeah, like you forgot to call me the next day,” you mutter offhandedly. If Jeno had heard your remark over the loud whirring of the hair dryer, he certainly didn’t say anything about it. The two of you stand there quietly, conversation coming to an awkward standstill at that.
“I think this is the best it’s gonna get,” he says awkwardly ten minutes later after the dryer gives out a few last dying splutters. Your shirt still looks somewhat damp, but you suppose he’s right, judging by the way the blow dryer seems to be taking its last dying breath.
“Yeah, I guess so,” you sigh, staring at your shirt. Wearing a white top doesn’t seem like such a good idea anymore, seeing how your bright red bra would be completely visible underneath the fabric, almost glowing like how anything white stands out under a black light. “I think I’m just gonna head ho—”
The banging on the door cuts you off, and you and Jeno nearly jump at the sudden noise. You reach over and open the door, and Mark nearly topples over on you.
“Sorry, I just needed to take a pis—Y/N?” His eyes grow round when he sees his friend behind you. “Holy shit, were you two—?”
“No!” you shout, shaking your head vehemently until Mark’s eyes darts towards your shirt in Jeno’s hand and then to your shirtless torso. You immediately cross your arms over your chest, and Jeno takes a step forward to cover your figure.
Mark’s cheeks grow red at an alarmingly fast pace, and he stumbles back, averting his eyes to the ceiling. “Fuck, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see anything!”
“No, wait—”
The sound of Mark blindly grabbing for the door and slamming it shut interrupts you, and you’re left standing there, cheeks growing warmer by the second and mouth opening and closing like a fish.
“Oh my god, now he thinks we’re hooking up, and he’s gonna tell everyone,” you wail, wringing your hands. Jeno awkwardly hands you your shirt, and you put it on dejectedly.
“I don’t think he’ll tell anyone,” Jeno halfheartedly attempts to reassure you, but your glare shuts him down quickly. Even he knows that’s a lie.
“Mark is a blabbermouth, and he’s drunk. That’s the worst Mark combination you can possibly have.”
“We can just do it, so it’s true.”
“Can you think with your head up there, instead of the one down there for once?” You snap before rubbing your temples. “Plus, I have standards and a reputation to uphold, you know. The Iota Theta girls would kill me.”
“Hey, I’m a real catch.”
“Yeah, I’m not trying to catch the clap here.”
“For your information, I’m clean,” Jeno scowls at you, shoving his hands into his pockets, “We all know what safe sex is. This isn’t high school.”
“Thank god, having more of you running around sounds like my worst nightmare.”
Jeno starts to protest, but your phone goes off with a loud ping! in your back pocket, and you pull it out. You must have forgotten to change it to silent mode earlier. A text from Yeeun only dampens your mood even more than your shirt does because apparently, she’s gone back to some guy named Yugyeom’s place. Now, you’re all for your best friend getting some, but she seems to have forgotten that her bra holds the keys to the car amongst other things, leaving you stranded out here in the Nu Chi Theta house (Also, Yugyeom is certainly in for a surprise when the bra comes off).
“Yeeun took off with some dude, and she has the car keys,” you sigh, pulling up the car service app. “I’m gonna get an Uber and call it a night.”
Jeno grabs your hand before you can tap to accept a ride. “Wait, are you gonna Uber alone?”
“No, Casper the friendly ghost is gonna do a rideshare with me, too.” You shrug off his hand, and he groans in frustration, carding his fingers through his hair.
“No, I’m being serious. You can’t get in an Uber alone in a wet shirt at 2 in the morning. The driver could be a creep, and that just isn’t safe at all.”
He’s right, you realize, suddenly hyperaware of how exposed you are in your state of dress and how stupid you would’ve been to do that. All those years of watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, and you had learned absolutely nothing. Olivia Benson would be shaking her head at you right now. You can already hear the funky mystery music theme song playing.
“Okay, then what do you want me to do? Walk home? My other friends are all probably wasted by now.”
“I’ll drive you back.”
“What? No, I can’t let you do that.” You shake your head stubbornly. “I’ll just go and see if I can find Chaeyoung or Yeji and we can walk back together.”
“Pretty sure I saw them both go upstairs with some of my frat bros like thirty minutes ago.” You stay silent at that, and he sighs, exasperated. “Can you just accept my help? Either you can get in my car and I’ll drive you back or you can walk and I’ll look like a creep slowly driving next to you the entire time, but I’m not letting you go back alone because I don’t want to see your face on the 9 o’clock news. I bet you’re gonna come back from the grave and cockblock me for the rest of my life.”
“First off, don’t be so full of yourself. I wouldn’t spend my time watching you bore another girl to death. I’m not into that. Secondly, If I show up on the news, make sure they pick a good picture of me. Preferably one of the cute pics on my insta from Capri,” you inform him, and he makes a noise of disbelief before a hint of a smile breaks through.
“You're unbelievable, you know that? C’mon, I’m driving you back. ” He shakes his head, pulling his car keys from his pocket. You start to open your mouth, and he beats you to it. “And yes, I only had that one drink you made earlier, so it’s safe.”
You close your mouth, slumping your shoulders as you follow behind him. He glances over his shoulder, throwing out casually, “Anyway, I think they should use the picture of you in that French art museum.”
“You mean the Louvre? Wait, have you been stalking me on insta?”
“I mean we follow each other, but sure.” He pushes his way through the crowded living room, and you stick closely behind him, trying to not get jostled too much by the drunken horde of other college students attempting to forget about their C’s on midterms and get laid tonight instead.
“That pic is from two years ago, and you only started following me a couple months ago!”
“Wow, now look at who’s keeping track.”
You let out a huff at that, but have no other response, pursing your lips slightly. When you finally reach the front door and step outside, the breeze that blows by sends shivers up your spine, the freezing weather being exponentially worse with the state of your shirt amping up the coldness. You wrap your arms around yourself, goosebumps forming on your skin as you try to create warmth from friction, rubbing your hands on your arms to no avail.
Suddenly, the welcomed feeling of warmth spreads across you like wildfire, and your eyes widen when you realize that Jeno had wordlessly draped his jacket over your figure before continuing the trek to his car. Hurrying after him, you shove your hands through the sleeves, your fingertips barely peeking out from the ends of it. The jacket envelops you warmly, and you tug the front of it closed to keep your body heat in. Faint traces of Jeno’s cologne clings to it, and you find yourself not minding it at all, pleasantly surprised by the woodsy, but slight citrusy, musky scent.
“Thanks,” you mumble when Jeno pulls open the passenger door for you, and you get in, making yourself comfortable, silently impressed by the neat and clean interior. There’s a cute polaroid of his three cats tucked in the driver’s sun visor. He shuts the door and makes his way to the driver’s side, sliding into the seat and starting the car up. You enter your address into Google maps, waiting for it to finish calculating the route.
The drive is quiet, save for the mellow music Jeno plays on his phone through the aux cord. The lack of conversation is such a stark contrast to before, but you don’t know exactly what to say. You glance over at him, studying his features clad in the passing streetlights.
Jeno is, without a doubt, handsome with his bright eyes framed by the longest lashes that you really wished you had yourself (it’s so unfair how boys always seem to have the prettiest eyelashes), pretty smile that causes those very same eyes to form moon crescents, and obviously, killer body. But most of all, the confidence he practically exudes is a stark contrast to when you had met him all those years ago.
“Enjoying the view?” he says casually, and you roll your eyes, turning your gaze to the road in front of you as he laughs.
“I’m just trying to figure out how you managed to get all those girls in bed.” You fiddle with the zipper of his jacket absentmindedly, and he glanced over at you.
“I asked them nicely.”
You snort. “Oh, really? And it worked?”
“I think my record speaks for itself.”
You sneer at that, but say no more. He taps his fingers against his thigh, while his other hand firmly holds onto the steering wheel. You briefly wonder why that move is found to be universally attractive, especially if the guy puts his hand on your thigh. Maybe all girls’ brains were hardwired to think that way.
Your phone announces that you have arrived at your destination, and you unbuckle your seatbelt, getting out of the car and turning to say thanks, before hesitating to close the car door when you realize Jeno’s leather jacket is still draped around your figure. Your hand hovers over the door handle before you pull back and start to take off the outerwear.
“Keep it,” Jeno says, noticing your dilemma. “Wouldn’t want you catching hypothermia. You can just give it back to me some other time.”
“The apartment building’s door is right there. I’m not gonna catch a cold after being out here for ten seconds,” you reason, starting to slide off one sleeve.
“Yeah, but this gives me an excuse to see you again.”
You freeze, face warming up at the unexpected answer. Your mind nearly short circuits, and you are at a loss of words for the first time tonight, mouth popping open in surprise. Jeno looks rather satisfied at your reaction, and he reaches over to shut the passenger door and then rolls down the window with a grin.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow with my jacket, yeah? I’ll text you my address.”
“W-wait, do you even have my number?” you manage to stammer out at last, and his smile widens even more.
“You gave it to me already, didn’t you?” Your eyes widen slightly, and he laughs, “You should go inside now. It’s cold.”
Speechless, all you can do is numbly wave at him before running towards the apartment complex’s entrance. When you make it inside the building, you turn to see Jeno still waiting out there. He waves at you before driving away. Cheeks growing warm, you turn away and make your way to your apartment.
Later, before you finally go to bed, you notice the barrage of notifications you received, specifically three texts from an unknown number.
[ 4:23 a.m. ] xxx-423-2508: 727 Maisie Street, Apartment #22
[ 4:24 a.m. ] xxx-423-2508: {image.jpeg}
[ 4:24 a.m. ] xxx-423-2508: bongsik, seol, and nal say good night :)
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iii. return of the pancakes™
After your 8 a.m. Linux Analysis and Design class, you drop by Jeno’s apartment, the borrowed leather jacket folded over your arm. You vaguely remember coming here during your sophomore year spring semester at the end of the whole Greek row carnival fundraiser week, but for a different boy entirely.
You knock on the door, shifting from one foot to the other as you wait for someone to answer. It finally opens, and Jaemin is looking at you with a wide grin on his face (honestly, it’s a little unsettling how perfect his smile is).
“Hello, Y/N, fancy seeing you here,” he greets you, leaning the door frame, spatula in hand and a flowery “Kiss The Cook” apron tied around his waist (it was a joke gift from Jisung, who doesn’t find it so funny anymore after Jaemin keeps demanding kisses every time he wears it within his vicinity).
“Uh, hi, Jaemin, I just wanted to return Jeno’s jacket.” You lift up your hand to show off the outerwear as if to emphasize your point. “I’ll just… leave this here with you, and can you give it back to him?”
“Woah, woah, what’s the rush? You should come in and give it to him yourself.” Jaemin wriggles his eyebrows at you, and you’re a little taken aback. How does this dude have this much energy to flirt or do whatever the hell he’s doing at 9:45 in the morning? You’re not even fully awake until after lunch and your daily gym session with Soyeon later.
“Uh, you know what, it might be easier if I just drop it off and leave.” You try to hand it off and back away all at the same time.
“I’m making pancakes,” Jaemin says suddenly before gesturing towards the kitchen. “Do you want some?”
“Ah, no, I really should… God damn it, yeah, I really do want some,” you answer, defeated, as you trudge into their apartment, following Jaemin inside. You raise an eyebrow when you see Jaemin essentially twirl his way back into the kitchen area.
“Great! So do you want chocolate chips, blueberries, or plain?” He asks, turning up his kilowatt smile to an even brighter notch. He putters around the stove, flipping the current pancake smoothly and onto the plate. If you weren’t so sleep deprived, that move might have made you a little turned on. Guys who cook are honestly so attractive. No, wait, correction: guys who cook well are hot (Sorry, Mark).
“Chocolate chip, please.” You sit at their tiny kitchen table, crossing your legs and resting your chin on the palm of your hand. “So where's the girl?”
Jaemin chuckles, eyes sparkling, as he pours some batter into the pan and tosses on some chocolate chips. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Please, we all know you make pancakes in the morning after a one night stand. I even have firsthand experience.”
“I make them whenever a girl’s here in the morning. And there’s one here right now.” He winks at you, placing a perfect chocolate chip pancake in front of you. “Maple syrup is on the counter, and butter and whipped cream are in the fridge.”
You grab all the toppings from their respective places and bring them back to the table. “Did Jeno tell you I was stopping by?”
“Of course he did,” Jaemin snorts, rotating the pan to evenly spread out the batter. “Jeno tells me everything.”
You spread the butter evenly across the pancake before drizzling on some syrup. Cutting up a piece, you spear it with your fork and almost moan out loud when you take the first bite. “So is this about—holy crap, this is so good—the body count thing? I tried to explain to him that he can’t count it twice if he fucks the same person again.”
“What? No, this isn’t about—Okay, let’s just say this. Jeno is an emotionally constipated asshole, but he’s still a good asshole.” Jaemin slides the spatula under the pancake, flipping it over neatly before shaking the pan lightly.
“A good asshole, wha—Wait, what does this have to do with anything?” You furrow your eyebrows, confused, as you take another bite of the pancake. “What are you even talking about?”
“He’s…” He sighs, leaning the spatula against an empty plate before he runs his hand through his hair frustratedly. “At this point, he only knows how to speak fratboy, so it’s confusing and he’s a little dumb sometimes, but he actually l—”
“Who the hell are you talking t—Oh. Y/N. Hi.” Jeno emerges from his room, eyes widening when he realizes you’re sitting at the kitchen table, happily eating the second pancake Jaemin just made for you.
“Hey.” You wave at him before motioning towards the jacket you draped over the couch. “I brought your jacket back. And then Jaemin lured me in with his pancakes—-and before you say it, I’m not talking about his ass.”
Jeno snorts loudly as Jaemin lets out a noise of offense, previous conversation now forgotten. “You come into my home where I’m making you free pancakes, and you have the audacity to insult my ass. My ass is beautiful and shapely and perfect.”
“Yeah, okay, Jaemin. If I ever need a flat surface to write on, I’ll be sure to call you.” You munch on the rest of your pancake, ignoring the sounds of indignation coming from the aforementioned boy. “Anyway, nice boxers, Jeno.”
The feline patterned boxers with the words “PUSSY MAGNET” painted right across the crotch area has you struggling to keep a straight face, and Jeno suddenly feels very exposed, even though everyone in the room has already seen him naked before. He throws his hands up to cover his bare chest and then his lower region, struggling and wishing that he slept with a shirt and sweatpants on for once.
Cheeks quickly turning a brilliant shade of red, Jeno silently curses Renjun for buying these boxers for him during last year’s Secret Santa exchange as a joke. It’s not his fault he was down to his last pair of clean underwear, and this was all that’s left. At least he didn’t decide to sleep in his birthday suit as usual. Actually, now that he thinks about it, that might’ve been the better option.
“I’m gonna… go put on some clothes,” he mutters, quickly retreating back into his room, and you stifle a laugh before focusing your attention back to the chocolate-y goodness in front of you. Na Jaemin truly is a god in the kitchen (and the bedroom, but you would never admit that out loud to his smug, handsome face).
Jaemin’s eyes dart between you and his best friend, the gears quickly turning in his head. It suddenly makes sense why Jeno asked him to make pancakes this morning.
“Y/N,” Jaemin calls out, and you look up at him, tilting your head to the side slightly. He hesitates for a moment. “Just… don’t be too mean to him please.”
Your eyebrows bunch together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Nevermind, it’s nothing.” He shakes his head, pouring out some more batter and sprinkling on the chocolate chips. “Another pancake?”
He slides another one onto your plate, and your eyes shine at the sight of it. You excitedly add a pat of butter before pouring the syrup and piling on a ton of whipped cream. Wriggling in your seat excitedly, you slice off a bite sized piece. You smile happily at him, and he falters slightly.
“Thank you, Jaemin.”
Seeing the way your eyes light up, Jaemin understands why Jeno likes you so much and is willing to set himself up for heartbreak for a second time with you.
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iv. studying is an abbreviation for ‘student dying’.
“So how’s it going with Jeno?”
You freeze in your seat, stopping midway in calculating the present and future values of stocks. You should’ve known that when Yeeun calls for an emergency study session and books a private room in the library, it would turn into an interrogation time. She even buttered you up beforehand by buying you a passion fruit iced tea lemonade with sweetener and a freshly baked bear claw from the cafe on the first floor. Your best friend in question looks expectantly at you for your answer, while Giselle looks equally as shocked as you.
“You’re dating Jeno?” Your other friend asks incredulously, “Why didn’t you tell me?! Juyeon asked me if you were single, and I said yes.”
“We’re not dating! Yeeun is making a big deal out of nothing,” you protest, resuming your studies as you jot down the final answer in your notebook.
“She’s up at 3 a.m. texting him,” Yeeun spills, looking directly at Giselle and ignoring the indignant look you throw her way. “And she hasn’t booty called Moonbin in the past three weeks.”
“No.” Giselle’s eyes grow round, and she immediately turns to you, abandoning her assignment entirely at this point. “Didn’t you say Moonbin was the best? He’s a dancer, he’s literally so flexible, and I bet he can literally hold you up the entire time, like have you seen his arms? Like oh my god, he’s so hot.”
Yeeun is nodding furiously in agreement, and you fidget in your seat, biting your bottom lip. “I just haven’t had time, and Jeno just texts me cat pictures. It’s no big deal. I’ve been so busy with all the senior projects in all my classes. I have one due soon, and we have to dissect Boeing’s management plans and write up some proposals, but Minho still hasn’t done his part, and the rest of the group are freaking out about it.”
“That’s why you need a little destressing session,” Giselle chimes in before leaning forward and saying in a quieter, teasing voice, “I heard Minho’s a really fun one, too. Maybe you can ask him to come over and work on the project.”
“God, no, I wish, but Hyunjin’s in the same frat and super close with him,” you groan, thinking back to your ex. “Not that I care too much about it, but it just gets way too messy if you sleep with your ex’s friends, y’know? But I can hook up either one of you with him if you want.”
“I can’t. I’m kinda seeing someone,” Yeeun confesses, and you and Giselle immediately whip your heads towards your friend, eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.
“What? Who? Spill,” you demand, and Giselle nods vigorously in agreement. Yeeun turns pinker, a shy smile appearing on her face as she fiddles with her pen. “Yugyeom and I have been texting more, and we’re planning on getting dinner together later.”
“No way, the dude from the Theta party? You’re still talking to him?”
“I know, I know.” She waves her hand at you. “I thought the same, too, but we actually ended up talking afterwards, and it was nice, so we exchanged numbers, and well, we’re going on an actual dinner date.”
“God, does this mean I’m the only one who’s single now?” Giselle whines, frowning as she turns her attention back to her homework and writes down the next problem a little too hard with her pencil.
“Hey, I’m not dating anyone either,” you say, but the two girls give you a deadpanned look. “I’m not! Jeno and I are just friends. And you already know Hyunjin and I broke up before summer break.”
You also slept with him again a week before the school year started, but that doesn’t count. Hey, you managed to score his old flatscreen for the apartment, and he even helped you carry it up and install it, so Yeeun definitely can’t judge you too hard for it because she’s the one who binges the most dramas out of the two of you (She still occasionally likes to remind you of how you basically fucked him for a tv though). Granted, he might have given it to you under the impression that you would continue to go out with him, but it’s not your fault his mind jumped to those conclusions.
“Right. Friends who slept together before and still have the hots for each other. And go over to each other’s apartment at seven in the morning. You never willingly wake up early for anything.” Yeeun raises an eyebrow at you.
“Okay, first off, I only go over early when Jeno texts me that Jaemin has a girl over because that means he makes pancakes the next morning. Those pancakes are amazing. And secondly, Jaemin has girls over almost every night.” You inform her, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Okay, I can also vouch for the pancakes being good, but they aren’t worth losing an extra hour of sleep everyday. Maybe once a week at most,” Giselle counters, and you scowl at her. She’s really throwing you under the bus here. You’ll remember this the next time she needs your help getting out of a Yeeun-terrogation.
“Weren’t you going out with Chan though?” Yeeun directs her question to Giselle, who scrunches her nose in distaste.
“Don’t remind me, that was a complete disaster.” She rolls her eyes, flicking through her notebook. “He had a complete meltdown in Whole Foods after he told me he loved me two months into our relationship and I wouldn’t say it back. A literal grown man throwing a tantrum in the produce section— it was so embarrassing.”
“Oh my god, he did that? What did you do?” You and Yeeun are absolutely horrified, and you barely manage to get the question out.
“I left as fast as possible. Thank god I was the one who drove us there,” she sighs, shaking her head before slumping back in her seat. “You know what’s worse? I should’ve seen the red flag when he wanted me to call him ‘Dino’ in bed. Like not to judge, but I’m not about to fuck a dude who’s into prehistoric animal play or whatever.”
“God, that’s so terrible, I’m so sorry,” you say at last when you finally get over the shock of this entire train wreck, and Yeeun nods sympathetically. “I can hook you up with some good guys or girls if you want.”
“Mm, I’m not up for anything serious, but just a fun dude for a few times would be nice,” she hums, finishing up another calculus problem and jotting down the next equation. “I’m torn between doing a tinder marathon or calling up Changbin.”
“Wasn’t he the dude who brought you flowers after you hooked up with him in the dorm bathroom?”
“And the common area couch,” she admits guiltily, and your head shoots up so fast at the confession.
“That was you?”
During your freshman year, the RA called an emergency floor meeting because security cameras caught a couple going at it in the common room, specifically on the couch. Luckily for the couple, the university is too cheap to install good cameras, so their faces weren’t caught. Unluckily for the rest of the floor, you all had to shell out forty bucks to pay for a new couch and sterilization of everything else in the room.
“Guilty as charged. He left his Gucci slides in my dorm, and I still have them. Best hookup ever. I didn’t even have to do the walk of shame.” Your friend turns to you, tapping her nails against the table absentmindedly. “Are you going to the Beta Tau Sig party tonight? I think I’ll try to find someone there instead.”
“Actually, Jeno invited me to a beach bonfire, and I said I’d go.”
“So you both have dates tonight,” Giselle sighs, tapping her fingers against the table surface absentmindedly. “I guess I’ll have to drag Karina out with me this time.”
“It’s not a date,” you protest, and Yeeun gives you a look, observing you for a second before a sly smile forms on her face. “So you wouldn’t mind Giselle giving your number to Juyeon?”
“Sure, go for it,” you shrug, picking up your pencil to continue with your assignment. Your phone buzzes. You can see it’s a text from Jeno, and you want to open it, but you don’t. “You know I don’t do relationships, but I’m down for a few drinks or whatever.”
“Really? You sure?” Yeeun prods, and you give her an exasperated look. “Yes! It’s fine.”
“Okay, sent.” Giselle pipes up, waving her phone around for emphasis. Yeeun looks at you, an indescribable look on her face. “Great.”
“Great,” you echo her sentiment before the sudden realization of what you just did finally hits you like a bag of bricks. Great. For some reason, you briefly ponder over what Jeno would think, but then you shake that away and try to refocus on calculating stock dividends and EPS.
Earnings per share.
When you finally open up his text message and see it’s a picture of him and Yangyang’s cats, you wonder how many cat pictures it took for Jeno to earn a share of your affections. You lost count sometime after you created a specific album for them on your phone.
Or maybe you just didn’t want to acknowledge how fast he was growing on you, like the exponential curve on an economic business cycle. Except that once it hits its peak, it will inevitably lead to a recession, or worse, a depression.
Hurriedly, you push that thought away into the farthest crevice of your mind, sending back a slew of heart and cat emojis back before turning your phone face down and returning to your assignment.
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v. liar, liar, pants on [bon]fire.
Jeno didn’t tell you that it was a small and private gathering, so when you get out of his car, you were shocked to see that the only other girls there are Mark and Donghyuck’s girlfriends and Renjun’s friend (Although, anyone with eyes can tell that he has an obvious crush on her). The nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach continues to grow throughout the night as you sit on the large towel he brought, mere inches separating the two of you.
His oversized hoodie is draped over your figure, the sleeves almost reaching your fingertips and hem reaching midthigh. You hadn’t thought it’d be this cool out, especially with the bonfire and it still being early September, so you didn’t bring a jacket, but luckily for you, Jeno had worn the hooded sweater underneath his jean jacket. This feels like something a boyfriend would do, you silently muse before shoving that thought away. You’re clearly overthinking it.
Jaemin continues to wriggle his eyebrows at you from the other side of the bonfire whenever he catches your eye, whereas Renjun had given you a surprised look when you arrived and spares you the occasional glance here and there. You haven’t really spoken to him ever since your freshman art class, but have seen him around here and there.
You suspect the sudden cold shoulder back then has something to do with the fact that you hooked up with Jeno, but you were never really sure why. Maybe the dude just had a stick up his ass regarding one night stands, which would be kind of semi-hypocritical by association since his best friends are notorious for them.
“I think we left the s’mores stuff in the car,” Jaemin speaks up, rummaging through the bags of food and alcohol you all had piled up haphazardly in one area. “Can somebody help me get them?”
“I’ll do it,” you hastily volunteer, unable to cope with sitting here next to the cause of your worries and runaway thoughts. You quickly get up, failing to notice the way Jeno’s shoulders droop slightly when you move away.
“Hey, how’ve you been? I haven’t been able to talk to you tonight yet,” Jaemin greets you when you reach him. You quickly brush off any sand clinging to your legs and pull down the hem of your borrowed hoodie.
“Good! I’ve been good, just a little stressed with upcoming midterms,” you sigh, shoving your hands into the front pockets of the sweater as you and Jaemin walk side by side. “What about you?”
“O. Chem is kicking my ass,” he groans, kicking up some of the sand. “I’m honestly reconsidering my whole future career because of this stupid class. Maybe I’ll drop out and become the next Zuckerberg.”
“What, are you going to invent the newest Tinder? Match people based on their kinks?” you tease, and he snorts, lightly elbowing you. “That would make my life so much easier. We should include a filter for pancake haters, too. This morning, the girl called my pancakes dry.”
You gasp, looking positively scandalized. “She did not. That’s basically blasphemy. Literally sacrilegious.”
“Exactly!” Jaemin waves his hands around in emphasis. “Like bitch, please, I separate and beat my egg whites by itself and add extra butter to make my pancakes extra fluffy. I almost made Jeno use his muscles and throw her out.”
You let out a guffaw, peals of laughter escaping from your mouth, and Jaemin grins at you, stopping by the car and unlocking the trunk. “Well, I’m glad to know you agree with me. At least someone appreciates my cooking.”
“Dude, no joke, I would sleep with you again for the pancakes,” you say casually, grabbing one of the bags filled with the s’mores ingredients, and Jaemin almost chokes on his own spit before laughing loudly.
“Oh my god, you’re selling yourself for pancakes now?”
“I take cash, Venmo, PayPal, or pancakes.” You wink at him, and he laughs even harder, slinging one of the remaining two bags over his shoulder and wrapping the handles of the other one around his fingers.
“Don’t worry, you can have the pancakes for free,” he chuckles, the two of you now walking back to the bonfire.
You gasp for a second time in faux offense. “Are you saying you don’t want any of this again?” You exaggeratedly gesture to yourself.
“And are you saying you want some of this again?” Jaemin points to himself with a good natured smirk. The two of you are nearing your group of friends now, their conversations and the crackling flames growing louder. “Didn’t you call my butt pancake flat?”
“I love pancakes though,” you quip, giving him a second wink, and he splutters for a few seconds as you laugh, finally separating from him and walking back to your original spot around the bonfire. Jeno reaches out to take the bag from you, and you hand it over before sitting down next to him as he pulls out the ingredients.
“Here you go.”
Jeno hands you a couple sticks and the opened bag of marshmallows. You take it from him with a quiet “thanks”, spearing the fluffy, sugary concoctions onto two sticks before handing one to Jeno and passing the remaining items to Lana on your left. She and you had bonded earlier over your mutual dislike of your shared elective class aptly titled Shakespearean Comedies. It should've been named Shakespearean Tragedies with the way your grade on the last midterm looks. Absolutely tragic. You’re hoping the professor takes pity on the class and assigns a generous curve.
“Hyuck, there’s no way you’re gonna eat ten s’mores,” Lana chides, holding the marshmallow bag out of her boyfriend’s reach. “Why do you wanna roast that many at the same time anyway?”
“So Renjun doesn’t have any to roast.” Donghyuck beams at her, snatching the bag from her grasp. The mentioned boy frowns at him, pulling out a second unopened bag. “Jokes on you, asshole, there’s a second bag. I hope your teeth rots from all that sugar.”
“Thank you, Renjun, that’s very kind of you.” Donghyuck gives him a sickly sweet smile as he shoves the remaining marshmallows onto the twig. “At least I won’t die alone.”
“You probably shouldn’t say that when he has a pointy metal stick in his hand,” Lana remarks, shaking her head when she finally notices her boyfriend has emptied the entire bag.
Curling his fingers into fists, Renjun turns to Lana with a deadpan expression. “Please. I will give you fifty dollars if you break up with him. I’ll even throw in a free pack of bubble test sheets.”
“You know, someday I might just do it for free,” she says offhandedly, and Donghyuck almost drops his marshmallow loaded stick when he hears that. Immediately, he grabs her hand, interlacing their fingers tightly and letting out a fake laugh. “Ha ha ha, that’s so funny. What a great joke, ha ha, please laugh, too, so I know you’re kidding.”
Lana lets go of his hand to pat his cheek consolingly, but says nothing else as she focuses on roasting her marshmallow. Donghyuck continues to blubber out other pleas, and Renjun sits back, completely satisfied with the scene unfolding in front of him. His friend merely laughs, shaking her head, and you bet she’s probably used to seeing antics like this on a daily basis. Jaemin mimes cracking a whip as Jisung and Chenle laugh until one of their marshmallows drips into the fire and falls off. Judging by the loud cries, it’s probably Chenle’s that was unknowingly sacrificed to the flames. You smile as you watch the younger boys’ antics, laughing along with the rest of the group.
Meanwhile, Mark and his girlfriend remain blissfully unbothered, cuddling under a blanket and toasting their own marshmallows on a shared stick. You wonder if your future holds something like that. It must be nice to have someone by your side, someone to share with, someone to do dumb couple things with, someone to love.
You spare a quick glance at Jeno, who seems to be incredibly focused on roasting his marshmallow. He continues to stare at the toasting sweet with a serious look of concentration on his face, tongue poking out slightly and eyebrows furrowed. Cute. Your lips upturn slightly as you take another peek at the boy next to you.
Unexpectedly, the vibrations from your phone in your back pocket breaks your train of thought, and you pull it out, tapping on the screen to see the newest notification.
[ 9:09 p.m. ] xxx-115-0612: hey this is juyeon! giselle gave me your number, and i was wondering if you wanted to go out for drinks sometime?
“Your marshmallow is on fire,” Jeno remarks casually, and your head shoots up, eyes widening when they settle on the ball of fire at the end of your stick.
Dropping your phone, you quickly bring it closer to you and attempt to blow it out. There goes your dessert, literally going up in flames right in front of your eyes. When it finally extinguishes, you’re left with a sad, charred gooey mess. Wonderful. It’s the perfect representation of your life.
“Must’ve been something important since it made you commit s’more murder,” Jeno comments, and you sigh, shaking your head as you pick up your phone and shove it back into your pocket.
“No, it’s nothing. Giselle gave my number to Juyeon, and he just texted me.”
“Oh. I didn’t know you were into dudes like that,” he mutters, and you throw him a curious look before prodding.
“Like what?”
“Y’know… just… pretty boys, I guess,” he flounders, flustered and trying to think of any explanation. You snicker at that, giving him an amused glance. “One: have you seen Hyunjin? Two: are you saying you aren’t a pretty boy?”
“Oh, am I your type?” Jeno puffs up his chest and bats his eyelashes at you, and you chuckle, giving him a half smile. “I slept with you once, didn’t I? Himbos are my type, I guess.”
“Hey, I take offense to that. I agree with the hot part, but I have a sexy brain, too. I’m the whole package. I’ll have you know I accepted a job offer from Microsoft already,” he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yeah? Did they take a look at your dick and realize you were the perfect fit?”
Donghyuck chokes on his s’more before letting out a loud cackle after Lana pats his back, sending you an amused grin. Renjun and Jaemin are howling with laughter, and the latter sends you another wink. The rest of the group only laughs even harder when Jeno is unable to offer you a coherent response, besides giving you the stink eye. You shrug, giving him an innocent smile instead before finally taking a good look at the damage done to your marshmallow.
Jeno notices you gazing forlornly at your destroyed snack and wordlessly switches it with his, handing you his stick with a perfectly roasted marshmallow at the end of it. Seeing you look like a kicked puppy makes him want to punch whoever decided to commit violence against the hypothetical dog. Even if it means giving up the marshmallow that he just roasted to absolute perfection. He didn’t go through twelve years of Boy Scouts for nothing. Making campfires and the best s’mores were two of his best earned badges.
“Wait, you don’t have to eat that,” you protest, unsuccessfully trying to take yours back, but he shakes his head, holding it out of your reach as he quickly assembles his s’more. “Nah, I like them like this anyway. Just eat that one.”
“I—” You helplessly watch as he takes a bite of the burnt atrocity. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I like it. You should eat that one when it’s still warm.” Jeno motions towards the stick still in your grasp, eyes gleaming. “Or do you want me to make you the s’more too? I can even feed it to you.”
Your cheeks heat up as you hastily make your own dessert, mumbling, “No, I got it, thanks.”
When you finish, you break it in half, handing one side to Jeno and taking the rest of the charred dessert left amidst his objections. “You’re a terrible liar. Nobody likes eating burnt stuff. And don’t lie, I saw you spit it out behind you when I was making mine.”
For good measure, you taste the remainder of the burnt mess, spitting it out immediately and tossing the rest into the bonfire. You turn towards him, scolding, “Yeah, this is horrible. Why’d you even give me yours, dumbass? You shouldn’t have eaten that.”
“You just looked really sad,” he mumbles, refusing to make eye contact as his cheeks turn rosy. He busies himself by taking a bite of the s'mores half you gave him, and your face grows warm at his confession. Your stomach does a weird flip flop, and you chalk it up to those questionable hot dogs Mark had brought earlier. You know you should never trust his cooking, but the hot dogs are pre-made and all you had to do was roast them over the fire.
“Oh.” You don’t know what else to say, awkwardly thanking him, and stammer out, “W-well, I can make another one and we can split that to make it even.”
Jeno gives you a mischievous smile. “But what if you burn it again?”
“It was a one time thing! I was just distracted,” you defend yourself weakly, and he laughs, eyes curving into pretty moon crescents once more, and you silently chide yourself when you catch yourself fawning over them. Like Megara says, “My head is screaming ‘Get a grip, girl.’” But she was basically in love with a Greek God, so she deserves to get a pass for eventually ending up with him (Although, you suppose you could make the argument that Jeno has the body of a Greek God, or maybe he’s like a modern day Adonis, but you digress).
“I’ll do it,” he decides, grabbing another marshmallow, and you make a face at him. “Are you saying I suck at making s’mores?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
You frown at him, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout. “You know, just a thought, but if you’re trying to hook up with someone, you shouldn’t insult their s’mores making skills.”
“But wouldn’t you hook up with someone who’s good at cooking, so you don’t have to cook?”
“Oh my god, are you setting me up with Jaemin now?” You let out a fake gasp, and the boy in question gives you a mock salute from his seat. Jeno glares at you, extremely offended, as he pulls the marshmallow off of the heat. “You know, I don’t think I’m gonna share this with someone who doesn’t appreciate my cooking.”
“You can have one of mine instead, Y/N. I have eight extra,” Donghyuck offers, and you hold back a laugh when you see the immediate sulky expression painted all over Jeno’s face.
“No, take this one.” Jeno shoves the newly made gooey sweet in your hand and snatches the one from Donghyuck. You can’t help but smile at his childish antics, pretending to examine the one he had handed to you.
“What’s the difference between them?”
“Hyuck’s was made with spite.” He winks at you exaggeratedly, and you playfully roll your eyes before taking a bite of it. “Mine was made with love.”
You almost choke, nearly hacking up a lung, as Chenle and Jisung make fake gagging noises at that. Lana helpfully pats your back a few times during your coughing fit, and you weakly thank her.
“You’re gonna kill somebody with that ingredient,” you tell him when you finally stop wheezing, and Jeno chuckles, eyes sparkling. He nudges you gently, a cheesy grin on his face.
“But that ingredient is just for you, and you’re still breathing.”
At that, your chest seizes up, and your heart constricts as your breath hitches in your throat. You give him a tight smile, laughing a little nervously in agreement. With the rate you’re going now, you’re not so sure how long the second half of that statement will remain true.
Later that night, after Jeno drove you home (and wouldn’t let you return his hoodie yet again, citing it as another excuse to see you much to your secret delight), you stare at the text from Juyeon for a long time. You lightly gnaw on your bottom lip, rereading it over and over again. Finally, you swipe your finger over it and delete the text.
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vi. two samoyeds walk into a (boba) bar.
It’s a Thursday afternoon in early October when you decide to take Jeno to your favorite place off campus: a small boba tea bar found nestled in between a laundromat and bookstore down the small alley that broke off from the main street. You had stumbled upon it after a mishap with cheap boxed wine and your favorite white pair of jeans and you had to find a 24 hour laundry place since the on campus one was closed for the night.
This is your special secret place—as childish as that may sound, as if it’s your treehouse hideout back when you were seven—but it’s the place you go to when you need some time alone, the spot not even Yeeun knows about. And yet, something in you decided that you wanted to share it to Jeno.
“Okay, you can’t tell anyone about this place. You have to swear on secrecy.” You stick out your pinky finger towards Jeno, stopping in front of the alley. He gives you an amused look, but acquiesces to your request.
“Pinky promise, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle through my eye. Scout’s honor.” He loops his pinky finger around yours and softly squeezes it before letting go. “Satisfied?”
“Very.” Then, you break out into a huge grin, almost wriggling in excitement because for the first time in your four years at university, you were going to show someone else your favorite place to visit. You grab his hand and pull him down towards the shop, like a child eager to show her teacher her latest drawing. “Okay, Cloudy with a Chance of Boba is down here. You’re gonna love it. They even have a dog!”
Chuckling, he lets you drag him towards the quaint boba bar. It is a cozy hang out place with soft glowing light bulbs, hammocks and chair swings, small nooks and crannies filled with plush pillows for you to sit in with wicker trays to place your drinks and snacks on, instead of the usual tables. There is even a loft area converted into a small library-esque space with several canary yellow overstuffed armchairs and vintage furniture. Cute modern paintings of dogs and cats of various sizes are scattered here and there along with pretty minimalist drawings directly on the walls. And the best part? It’s a dog friendly area, and the owner brings her Samoyed almost daily.
You like to try a different drink every time you come here, and today, you settle on the cloud matcha tea with boba for yourself and honey waffle fries to share. Once Jeno orders and the two of you receive your food and drinks, you make a beeline towards your self-designated spot: the comfortable nook in the wall all the way in the back.
You carefully place the waffle fries on the wicker tray in the center before handing your drink to Jeno. He wordlessly accepts it, and you carefully make your way in, settling against the plethora of comfortable pillows and seat cushions. Jeno gives you both his and your drinks before he also crawls into the comfy space. The two of you lean against the back, legs comfortably stretched out in front of you and fairy lights illuminating from above.
“So this is your secret hiding spot?” Jeno says, raising an eyebrow at you. An endeared expression flits across his face when he notices you happily snuggling into your corner of the nook and sipping your drink.
“Yes.” You reach for one of the waffle fries, munching on it and making a satisfied noise, before taking another one.
“Nobody else knows about it?” he inquires curiously, eyes roaming around the place.
“Well, Jaemin knows actually.” You shrug, pulling your legs up and crossing them leisurely. “Funny story, the first time I ran into him here freshman year, I got the shock of my life. Apparently, I’m not the only one who likes to visit Snowball every week. Sometimes, Jaemin shows up when I’m already here or vice versa. Snowball’s been two timing us, can you believe it?”
Jeno laughs, and you smile at him, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Do you like it here?”
He smiles softly, watching you with a tender look on his face. “I like it.”
Your grin transforms into a bigger one as you fill with pride, pleased with your decision to reveal this top secret location. “Good.”
You take a sip of your drink, content with today’s choice, before you notice Jeno looking at you with a smirk on his face. You grab another fry before casually saying, “I know what you’re about to say, and you better not say it unless you don’t want me to share my fries with you anymore.”
“I wasn’t about to say anything,” he protests, and you give him a deadpan expression. “Oh, really? You weren’t about to make a joke about how there are balls in my mouth?”
“First off, you said it, not me. And second off, no.” He pauses, leaning over to grab another fry. “But now that you mentioned it, I could think of something better than those balls in your mouth.”
You narrow your eyes at him before wordlessly pulling the tray of fries to you and away from his line of reach. You then proceed to eat four or five of them in rapid succession amidst his objections.
“Hey, hey, I was about to say fries! The ‘something better’ are those fries!” he exclaims as you give him a dubious look, shoving another fry in your mouth. Finally, he relents, distress evident in his tone, “Okay, so maybe I was about to say my balls, but please don’t eat them all, I’m sorry!”
You give him another hard stare before finally sliding the tray back to its original position, and he sighs in relief. The two of you continue to enjoy your snacks, enjoying every sip and bite until the basket is nearly empty of fries. And when Snowball the Samoyed finally makes its presence known, Jeno’s eyes positively light up. He hurriedly scrambles out from the nook and out onto the floor, immediately crouching down to pet the fluffy dog. You quickly follow suit, absolutely delighted when Snowball recognizes you and tries to lick your face happily. You play with the dog for a few more minutes before moving back, letting Jeno enjoy its full attention.
Propping your elbow on your knee, you lean your head on your hand, gazing at Jeno and lost in thought. There’s one question that’s been stuck in the back of your mind all these years, and the one person who can answer them is now sitting in front of you.
The boy in question glances over at you, mouth twisting into a familiar smirk. “Is there something on my face or am I just that good looking?”
You scoff, turning away to cover your smile. “Neither. I’m just thinking.”
“About?” He prompts, continuing to pet Snowball even as the dog starts to shove its head into its food bowl, happily eating its dinner.
“Why didn’t you call me?” You finally ask, fiddling with the straw of your half finished drink absentmindedly. “I gave you my phone number, and I really thought you were gonna call me after that night.”
Jeno remains silent for longer than usual as the question is now in the air, and you almost regret it. You had barely talked to him all those years, yet after just a few months, the two of you strangely feel so comfortable around each other, like you don't have to filter your words or can show him the worst of you. Perhaps, this is what happens when you share a traumatic experience with someone. You bond in a weird, convoluted way. Or maybe you just really don’t give a shit what Jeno thinks of you, and vice versa. But perhaps you shouldn’t have brought up something from the past, and you start to tell him to forget it when he finally responds.
“I did call you. I called you right after my classes were over,” he says at last, refusing to meet your gaze. “You picked up, or at least, I thought you did, but I guess you didn’t realize it? Anyway, you were mid rant with someone, listing a bunch of stuff that went wrong the other night. ‘Worst experience of your life, even worse than your first time with your ex when the condom got stuck’ if I remember correctly?”
You wince, remembering that that was one of the less vivid descriptions about your experience you had given to Yeeun that day. “Did you hear all of it?”
“I hung up after that. I mean I didn’t really want to stick around to get my heart crushed even more by the girl I liked, you know?” he says casually, and your heart twists in your chest at that. You didn’t know he had liked you. Suddenly, the lump in your throat doubles in size.
“You liked me?” You whisper out, horrified at this revelation.
“Yeah. You probably didn’t recognize me, but we were in the same lecture for that one mandatory freshman elective. You were always super vocal and challenged the professor’s stances, which I thought was really cool.” He stops petting Snowball, giving you a half smile as he jokes, “So I was about to piss my pants when you sat down next to me at that party and started talking to me. I had no idea what to do, so I started showing you pics of my cats, and when you were actually interested in them, that just sealed the deal. Until you know, the next day.”
“Oh my god. Oh my freaking god,” you repeat, mind racing at ten thousand miles per second. “Is that why I had to return your jacket by giving it to Renjun to give to you? He gave me the stink eye in our drawing class for the rest of the semester! I didn’t know this at all, oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Jeno looks concerned and tries to reassure you, “Hey, it’s no big deal. It was like three years ago. I’m a big boy. I got over it.”
“No, but you don’t understand. I liked you, too,” you say weakly, mind still reeling and thoughts all over the place. It’s almost as if your brain refuses to compute this new piece of information and make it make sense.
Eyes widening, he makes a noise of confusion, cocking his head to the side. If you weren’t so caught off guard by the sudden unexpected news, you would’ve made some comment about him looking like the overgrown puppy still burying its head in its food bowl. “But you said it was the worst—”
“I know what I said, but do you really think I’d let you continue if I didn’t like you?” You interrupt him before he can give you a second cringeworthy walk down memory lane of that conversation. “Plus, if you had stayed on the line for like twenty seconds longer, you would’ve heard me admitting my dumb crush on you.”
His mouth silently forms an O-shape at this new revelation, and the two of you sit there in silence, mulling over the sudden turn of events. Snowball wanders off to see if he can steal food from some other unsuspecting customers.
“So does this mean I could’ve met Snowball three years ago instead of just now?” He says at last, giving you a small smile and breaking the tension.
You chuckle quietly, “I guess so.”
“And we could’ve been boning for all these years.”
“Okay, calm down, I don’t like you that much.” You choke on a laugh, and his eyes glimmer as the grin on his face widens when he catches onto your little slip.
“So you admit to liking me now,” he says, the corners of his lips quirked up, and he raises an eyebrow at you.
“You said ‘I don’t like you that much’, which means you do like me to some extent,” he informs you smugly, and your face heats up.
“Didn’t. I said I didn’t like you that much. As in past tense,” you attempt to correct him and cover your tracks, but he merely hums in response, not wiping the smirk off his face. If anything, it just grows bigger, much to your frustration.
“So wanna make up for lost time in my room later on?”
Jeno wriggles his eyebrows at you, and you toss a throw pillow at him in retaliation. He ducks in time and laughs loudly, eyes crinkling in the corners and forming moon crescents. You sink back into the remaining pillows, crossing your arms over your chest with a slight huff.
“In your dreams and in my nightmares only.”
“You dream about me? That’s so cute.” He gives you another one of his signature eye smiles, and your stomach flip flops. You force yourself to push away the uneasy feeling building up in the back of your mind.
“It was a nightmare.”
“Still a dream.” He reaches out to pat the fluffball that came trotting back towards you, an expression of pure delight appearing on his face. That feeling of nerves comes up again, but you paint on what you hope to be a convincing smile.
“Shut up, Jeno.”
Jeno smirks at you, coming over to you and sitting close enough that your thigh and arm are pressed against his. His face is mere inches from yours now, and his eyes twinkle mischievously. He reaches out to brush the stray strand of hair from your face, and your breath hitches in your throat as he leans in even closer.
“Make me.”
Immediately, you shove a waffle fry in his mouth, rapidly turning away before he notices how warm your face has gotten, and he laughs loudly, swallowing the fry before moving back to his original spot and focusing his attention back on Snowball with more eager pets. Pressing your hand to your chest, you feel your heart rate slowly go back to normal. That was close.
Too close.
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vii. cat-astrophe in the making.
[ 10:34 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: are you busy
[ 10:34 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: i’m catsitting
[ 10:35 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: {image.jpeg}
[ 10:35 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: can you bring me food
[ 10:35 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: poppy fell asleep on me and I can’t move
[ 10:35 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: help me
[ 10:36 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: i’m gonna starve out here and die and it’s gonna be all your fault
[ 10:36 p.m.] catboy 🐈: when the police find my body they’re gonna find a note that says “Y/N did it” in my notes app
Balancing a cardboard box containing one large combo pizza in one hand, you ring the doorbell of Apartment #21 on 727 Maisie Street, one door to the left of Jeno and Jaemin’s shared place. Tapping your foot on top of the cute doormat in the shape of a paw print and the words “PURR-FECT HOME” etched upon it, you wouldn’t be surprised if Jeno tried to buy one for his apartment (It would be rather fitting with that pair of boxers he owns). Jaemin probably wouldn’t let him though because it would clash with the interior design that he painstakingly put together using IKEA furniture and some pieces he forced the other Nu Chi Theta boys to help him carry home after some stranger left them out by the curb.
The door swings open, and Jeno’s face brightens up when his eyes zero in on the carb loaded, cheesy goodness you brought with you. “Thank god, food is finally here. What took you so long?”
“Yeah, it’s great to see you, too,” you reply sarcastically, brushing past him and leaning down to unzip the cute black ankle boots you recently bought online during the Steve Madden 30% off sale. Thank god you managed to snag the last pair in your size.
“Where’s the ‘Thank you, Y/N, for leaving Kunhang’s party to bring me food? I’m eternally grateful and in your debt forever’ followed up with ‘You’re welcome, Jeno, it’s no problem at all. It’s not like I waited forty minutes for them to make your personal pizza specifically with those stupid red onions you like.’”
“You know, people are gonna think you’re even crazier than you already are if they hear you talking to yourself like that,” he says casually, taking the pizza from your hands, and you glare at his back, kicking off your shoes by the doorway and trailing behind him as he places it on the kitchen table.
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck me yourself,” he retorts. You let out a poorly concealed scoff, and he just gives you a teasing grin. An adorable, slightly overweight Siamese cat jumps onto the table, sniffing the box. You almost forgive Jeno for cutting your night out short when the pretty feline comes over to you and nudges your hand for a pet.
“Hey, did you get—”
“Ranch to dip the crusts in? Yeah, I did,” you answer, taking a seat, and he rips a few paper towels off from the roll near the sink before coming back and handing you one of them.
“You read my mind.”
“It was a quick read.”
He playfully glares at you, and your lips curl into an innocent smirk. You bat your eyelashes at him until he rolls his eyes, moving to sit across from you. You open up the box of heaven, taking a deep inhale of the greasy deliciousness. Pan pizza will always remain superior, no matter what Johnny says about Chicago deep dish pizza.
Pulling out a slice, you immediately take a bite of it, almost moaning from how good it is. Kunhang had bribed you to come to his party (in celebration of Chinese Singles Day on November 11th, but you’re one hundred percent sure he just used that as an excuse to dip into the frat’s event budget) with the offer of free pizza. As a broke college student, the words “free” and “pizza” combined together are basically the holy grail, so you obviously agreed to attend. However, when you showed up, the only thing you saw was an expired DiGiorno's pizza left thawing on the counter. You were definitely not impressed.
“I thought you said Poppy was stuck in your lap,” you say, chewing slowly as Jeno basically scarfs down an entire slice in seconds before reaching for a second one. You’re kind of impressed, but mostly disgusted when you’re reminded how college boys are basically garbage disposals when it comes to food.
“She was,” he answers, swallowing another mouthful of cheese and tomato sauce, before continuing, “But she ran off when she heard the doorbell.”
“Why didn’t you just move her then?” you remark, and he dramatically gasps, making it seem like you had just suggested for him to run the cat over with his Lexus instead.
“I can’t do that!” Jeno exclaims, scandalized, before lowering his voice to a hushed tone. “She chose me.”
“Yeah, well, she chose me now,” you say smugly, nodding down towards the ball of fur curled up in your lap, eyes sleepily blinking up at you. “She looks like a cute little shrimp. Have you fed her yet?”
“Yeah, Mrs. Jung told me to feed her at 7 p.m. so she already ate earlier.”
“How long are you catsitting for?” You gently scratch under Poppy’s chin and she lets out a pleased purring noise, her body vibrating slightly along with it.
“Just until Sunday evening. I have to come in the morning and the evening to water the plants and feed her. Apparently, Poppy eats too much and forgets to breathe, so I have to spoon out her food a little at a time or else, she’ll just shove her face in it all and throw up.”
Poppy nudges her cute little face into the crook of your arm, and you coo over her, softly rubbing the top of her head. “She’s an angel.”
“She destroyed five rolls of toilet paper today.”
“Still an angel.”
“... You’re right.”
“Of course, I am.” You grin satisfactorily, and Jeno only shakes his head, smiling to himself. The two of you finish off the rest of the pics until an empty cardboard box covered in grease stains is all that’s left. He picks up the box and used makeshift napkins, tossing them into the kitchen trash can and making a mental note to take out the garbage on Sunday after he feeds Poppy in the evening.
“So what are your plans for Christmas?”
You and Jeno are sprawled out on the throw rug in the living room. He’s laying flat on his back with Poppy perched on his stomach, happily stroking her back as she purrs loudly. You lean back on your outstretched palms, oddly endeared by the sight in front of you. But it’s cuffing season, so you blame it on that and the cold weather for the sudden urge to cuddle the hell out of the boy and cat in front of you.
“Mm, I’m gonna see if I can power through all fifteen seasons of Criminal Minds before the break is over.”
Poppy pads over to you and settles in your lap, curling up into a small ball again, tail flicking back and forth. Jeno frowns, sitting upright as he looks at you. “You’re not going home?”
“My sister and I pooled our money together to pay for a cruise for my parents since it’s their thirtieth anniversary,” you explain, carefully petting Poppy. “And my sister is staying with her boyfriend, so I have the whole break to myself.”
Jeno stays quiet for a moment, lost in thought, and you focus all your attention on the fluffy cat, reaching out for the jingling ball toy nearby. You shake it, catching Poppy’s attention immediately as she tries to swat it out of your hand. You wave it back and forth, watching as her eyes trail the bright, two toned ball, her ears twitching.
“I’m going home for the holiday break. You should come with me,” he says at last, and you drop the ball in shock. Poppy lunges over and pounces on it, the loud jingling noise immediately bursting forth.
Your first instinct is to say no, but you pause. Yeeun is flying out to the Swiss Alps for her annual family ski trip, and you really don’t want to stay in your apartment alone because that means you’re going to have to kill any spiders you see by yourself.
“Are you… are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
“Yeah, it’s no big deal. Jaemin comes over to celebrate with us, too, on Christmas Eve.” Jeno shrugs, leaning over to grab the ball and shake it around. Poppy jumps up and tries to grab it. “My sister is studying abroad, so it’s just me and my mom this time. I’m sure my mom would like the extra company.”
He wants you to meet his mom, you think silently to yourself. Your stomach flips at the thought of that, and you are definitely going to say n—
“You can see Bongsik, Seol, and Nal, too,” he continues, and the rejection dies on the tip of your tongue. You can’t believe you’re really reconsidering your answer because of cats.
“Okay, what day are you driving home? And what does your mom like? Don’t give me that look, Jeno, I can’t just come empty handed. I’m not a freeloader, like Donghyuck, you know.”
You’re doing this for the cats. You repeatedly remind yourself that this is for the felines, and not because you like to see that stupid grin that Jeno is currently sporting on his face. This is solely for the sake of seeing cute furry creatures. That is all this is for.
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viii. merry christmas, ya filthy animals.
When you had arrived with Jeno on her doorstep at the start of winter break, Jeno’s mother immediately pulled you in for a hug and welcomed you happily. She had been incredibly kind and made you feel invited and at home right away, instructing Jeno to put your small suitcase in his sister’s room where you will be staying before whisking you off to show all of Jeno’s baby photos with glee as he loudly complained behind you both. Your entire stay so far has been simply wonderful.
“Y/N, would you mind helping me with this?”
His mother requests in a soft voice, and you agree immediately, going over to her side and picking up the vegetables and going over to the sink, washing them carefully in the colander. She smiles at you before focusing on basting the small roast beef for your Christmas Eve dinner. “Thank you, sweetie. I would ask Jeno, but he’s not too good with knives.”
“Hey!” Jeno protests loudly, entering the kitchen, but he quiets down when his mother glances over at him with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, fine, I accidentally cut myself twice last time, but that was it!”
“He’s a walking hazard in the kitchen.” Jeno’s mother shakes her head. “It’s a good thing he lives with Jaemin now, or else his entire diet would consist of ramen and protein shakes.”
“Mom!” Jeno whines, and she chuckles, “Why don’t you go set the table out for us, honey? Is Jaemin eating with us this time?”
“No, he’s going to come over later after he has dinner with his family.” Jeno pulls out the plates and utensils from the cabinet and drawers, stacking them up before he carries them out to the dining room. You smile absentmindedly, watching his figure disappear before realizing your hands are growing slightly numb under the running cold water and quickly turn off the faucet and shake the colander.
“You make him really happy.”
Startled, you look over to see Jeno’s mother smiling at you fondly, hip leaning against the counter. Her eyes are kind, and they match Jeno’s. Turning back to focus on preparing the main dish, she continues, “He’s never brought a girl home before. But I can see why my son likes you so much.”
“O-oh, we aren’t dating,” you stammer out, cheeks warming up at the implication. The bell pepper in your grasp slips from your hand, and you hastily catch it in time, stopping it from rolling off the cutting board. “We’re just friends.”
“Of course, my mistake,” his mother acknowledges before giving you a genuine smile, an indescribable look in her eyes: a mixture of knowing with a hint of melancholy—one that only a mother would understand. “The way he looks at you though… and you at him.”
She flashes another soft smile at you, a tinge of nostalgia sweeping her features. “Nevermind that, excuse me, I’m just rambling. Should we finish making dinner? I think everything smells delicious so far! And I’m so excited to try your homemade macarons!”
You hesitantly return her smile with one of your own, forcing down the swirling abyss of inexplicable emotions that had erupted from her words and tries to rear its ugly head at you. When Jeno pokes his head back into the kitchen, his mother puts him on mashed potato duty, and he groans but acquiesces. As his mother chatters on, the two of you work side by side, his arm brushing against yours every once in a while. You desperately quell the colony of butterflies that flutter in your stomach.
The dinner preparation continues smoothly, and dinner is served. It’s a light hearted affair, and Jeno’s mother proceeds to tell many fun anecdotes about his childhood, making him protest in embarrassment and you laugh over all the mishaps he and Jaemin had gotten into when they were younger. You make sure to file away the story consisting of school music recitals, too much apple juice, and a very unfortunate accident for future blackmail. When it is time for dessert, his mother gushes over the matcha macarons you made for her as a present along with the pretty bouquet of gardenias and camellias that she carefully arranged in a vase now displayed on the end of the dining table.
After dinner, she bids the two of you good bye when she has to go off to her late night shift at the hospital, hugging you warmly and telling Jeno she’ll be back tomorrow by noon. When she leaves, the two of you plop down on the couch in the living room, sprawled out comfortably on opposite ends and careful not to disturb the three snoozing cats lying on the top of the furniture.
“Wanna pick out a movie? Jaemin should be coming over in fifteen minutes,” Jeno says, picking up the remote and flicking on the television. “Oh, there’s the usual Harry Potter marathon on.”
“I’m good with that.” You shrug before sitting upright as a sudden thought comes to mind. “Wait, be right back.”
You dash upstairs to the room you’re staying in, leaving a bewildered Jeno behind. Rummaging through your suitcase, you pull out a neatly wrapped box and three smaller ones. Clutching them to your chest, you hurry back down before nervously thrusting them at him, and he barely catches them before they almost fall to the floor.
“I got you a present.” You anxiously twist your hands together behind your back as you try to keep your voice calm. “My family and I like to open our presents during Christmas Eve since none of us are early risers, and well, I thought you could maybe open it now?”
Jeno stares at the boxes for a moment before looking at you, the largest smile spreading across his face and relief washes over you like a tidal wave. “You got me a present.”
“I got one for Bongshik, Seol, and Nal, too.”
“You got presents for my cats, too?” He positively beams at you before standing up and quickly making his way to the stairs. “Wait, hold on, I got you something, too.”
You sit down on the couch, and he returns with a gift bag, sitting down next to you and sheepishly handing it over. “Sorry, I’m not good at wrapping presents, and Jaemin wasn’t around to help me.”
You pull out the tissue paper, a familiar object falling out, and when you recognize the tell tale fluorescent orange color, you laugh freely, grinning up at him. “Thank you, Jeno, I needed a Tide pen.”
“Just in case I accidentally spill any more drinks on you.” He puts his hands up innocently before motioning towards the bag with a softer smile. “But that’s just the gag gift.”
You dig deeper into the bag and pull out a small box. Untying the pretty white ribbon on top, you take off the top, and your eyes widen as you breathe out, “Oh my god.”
Your fingers wrap around a thin, delicate gold chain with tiny dotted spherical beads spaced out and your first name’s initial in dainty cursive and matching gold threaded on it. You carefully lift it out, and it sparkles as it catches the Christmas tree lights from different angles.
“Do you… like it?” Jeno chews his bottom lip nervously, “Jaemin helped me pick it out because I wasn’t too sure, but it’s too late now to—”
“I love it,” you interrupt, smiling at him.
“Oh, thank god,” he sighs, relief written all over his face as he watches you wrap the bracelet around your wrist. “Wait, let me help you with it.”
He reaches out and carefully grasps onto the loop and clasp on either side of the chain, the tip of his tongue sticking out slightly as he concentrates on securing the bracelet. You gaze at him, the corner of your lip quirking up into an endeared smile.
“Got it,” he announces proudly, grinning at you, and your smile widens. “Thank you, Jeno.”
His smile grows as well before he glances down at the wrapped packages in his lap. Picking up the largest one with his name written across the tag on the front, he shakes it slightly before raising an eyebrow at you. “So what are you giving me?”
“My virginity.”
Jeno nearly chokes, and you wink and give him finger guns. He narrows his eyes at you, poorly disguising his chuckle as a scoff. “Nice try. But I already know about your first time—that lost condom horror story from high school.”
“Ah, right.” You lean back against the cushions comfortably before gesturing towards the boxes. “Why don’t you open them and see what it is then?”
He eyes you suspiciously before unwrapping the present, pulling off the top of the box, and his eyes grow round before immediately darting over towards you. “Is this….?”
“I thought it’d match your boxers.” You shrug, and the tips of his ears grow red. He pulls out a large maroon sweater with Bongshik’s, Seol, and Nal’s faces knitted on the front along with his name at the bottom and “PROUD CAT DAD” across the top.
“Oh my god.” He immediately pulls it over his head and tugs over it over his body before turning to you with an ear splitting grin. “I fucking love it, holy shit, Y/N, thank you.”
“Wait til you open the other presents.” You motion towards the three smaller boxes, and his eyes widen once more as he gasps, “You didn’t…”
You grin. “I did.”
Jeno immediately tears open the smaller boxes, pulling out similar miniature versions of his own sweater: one with each cat’s face and name knitted on them. He looks positively delighted, bouncing in his seat as he beams at you. “Wait, help me put these on them, so I can take a picture of them with me.”
You grab Seol’s sweater from his hand and reach out to pick up the sleepy cat from the top of the couch. Carefully, you tug the sweater onto his fluffy body. Much to your relief, the cat didn’t squirm, allowing you to quickly put it on. Jeno nimbly puts the sweater on Nal before carrying Bongshik to his lap and slowly pulling on the last sweater over her head.
“Perfect!” he says happily before extending his phone towards you. “Can you take a picture of us?”
“Yeah, of course.” You take his phone, about to swipe up to open the camera option when you notice his lockscreen. Faltering slightly, you realize with a jolt that it’s a picture of you and him from the bonfire. You push down the uneasy feeling to the pit of your stomach and plaster on a smile as you say, “Okay, ready? I’m gonna count to three.”
Jeno scoops up all his beloved cats in his arms and squishes his face against them. He grins happily, eyes curving into the prettiest moon crescents, and you hate how quickly the butterflies rise in your stomach at that sight. You snap away, taking pictures from various angles before you decide to stop before you use up his entire phone storage. As you try to hand him back his phone, he nimbly wraps his fingers around your wrist and tugs you down next to him.
“You gotta take a picture with us, too,” he insists, eyes sparkling. “This was your gift, you have to be in at least one picture.”
Bongshik comes over and plops down in your lap, staring up at you with her wide, pretty eyes, and you suddenly don’t have the heart to refuse. “Okay, just a few.”
Jeno beams, holding his phone up to snap a selfie of you, him, and his cats. Pressed against his side, you hold up Bongshik and smile, the fluttery feeling in your chest growing exponentially when you see how happy you look next to him. You’re in the middle of telling him to airdrop you the photos when the ringing doorbell cuts you off mid-sentence.
“Oh, that’s Jaemin, right? I’ll get it,” you say, standing up, and Jeno looks like he’s about to protest when you give him a glare. “Seol and Nal are sleeping on you, and don’t you dare wake them up.”
Defeated, he sits there, fiddling with his phone and petting his cats as you saunter over to the front door. When you pull it open, Jaemin looks up from his phone, the slight crease in between his eyebrows disappearing as he roughly shoves the device into his jacket pocket.
“Y/N,” he greets you with a smile before extending the plate in his hands towards you. “My mom wanted to give you guys some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.”
“Oh my god, please tell your mom I love her.” You snatch up the desserts quickly, mouth already watering at the sight of them. “Come on in, Jaemin, we’re watching the Harry Potter marathon. We can quote the script like we always do and drive Jeno crazy.”
“Oh, ah, I can’t… I, uh, gotta get back home.” He shifts from one foot to the other, giving you a tight smile. You suppose you don’t do a very good job at hiding your disappointment because he quickly backtracks, “I mean I would if I could, but um, my mom needs me back there.”
“Hey, no worries, it’s okay. Maybe next time.” You give him a reassuring smile, and he relaxes. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out something, fiddling with it. “I, uh, got you something for Christmas, too. Just something small.”
You quickly set aside the cookies, and he hands you a little capsule—one of those plastic circular containers you can get from a toy machine. You pop it open, a smile immediately stretching across your face. With a laugh, you hold up a cute little charm of Winnie the Pooh wearing a pancakes costume, admiring Jaemin’s gift for you.
“It’s so cute, oh my god, I love it!”
“You better. It took me seven tries to finally get the pancake one,” Jaemin says, smiling to himself when he sees you immediately attach it to your phone.
“What’s gonna happen to the other six keychains you got?” you chuckle, still admiring the new accessory on your phone. You look up and catch him smiling at you, and he turns away, cheeks flushed.
“I’m gonna give them to the kids at the hospital. I think they’ll all like it,” he answers, and you nod in agreement before your face falls at a sudden realization.
“I’m so sorry, but I don’t have a present for you.” You frown, the corners of your lips downturned, before brightening up when an unexpected thought occurs. “Okay, I know it’s not much, but… I promise I’ll make you the best waffles you’ve ever had whenever you want it.”
“You know how to make waffles?”
“Of course I do! I make the best waffles. This is a one in a lifetime chance to eat the greatest waffles of all time made by yours truly. They could even make Gordon Ramsay cry,” you exclaim, waving your hands around for emphasis before quickly tacking on as an afterthought, “But cry in a good way, not like Mark’s eggs.”
He chuckles, slipping his hands into his pockets. “Alright, I’m holding you to that. I’m gonna cash in that offer one day.”
“Good.” Your eyes twinkle. “Merry Christmas, Jaemin.”
Jaemin bids you goodbye soon after, and you wave him off until he drives off in his car. Carrying the plate of cookies with you, you make your way back to the family room, placing the dish on top of the coffee table. Jeno’s eyes light up, and he all but launches himself at the sweets (thank god the cats have moved off his lap and elsewhere by now).
“Where’s Jaemin?” he casually asks, munching on a cookie, and you frown, plopping down next to him on the couch and tucking your legs under you. “He said he had to go back home for his mom or something.”
“Ah, got it,” he nods, taking a quick peek at his phone, and you sulk, lips jutting out into a pout. “Who’s gonna recite Harry Potter lines with me now?
“Oh thank god, I don’t have to hear another ‘My father will hear about this’ from him,” he sighs in relief, and you chuckle at that before putting on your worst British accent.
“Jaemin will hear about this.”
He struggles to keep a straight face for a good ten seconds before he gives in, a loud guffaw escaping from his mouth, and you grin, rather pleased with yourself.
“‘Yer a wizard, Harry,’” you imitate Hagrid next, much to his delight, and you go through nearly every character until Jeno is in stitches and near tears. You save one of your favorites for last and increase your voice to a higher octave. “Not my daughter, you bitch!”
Jeno lets out another laugh, unable to contain himself as you say haughtily, “Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed. Or worse, expelled.”
“Oh my god,” Jeno gasps, laughing breathlessly, eyes disappearing under the shadows of his pretty long lashes. “Holy shit, wait, my sides hurt, shut up.”
Giggling, you teasingly grin, leaning in as you slightly tilt your head to the side, eyes gleaming. “Make me.”
As the laughter subsides, the room grows quiet, and you suddenly realize just how close the two of you are, breath hitching in your throat. Jeno seems to be aware of the short proximity as well as he swallows hard, subtly shifting in his seat. His eyes map out every detail of your face, ending at your lips before flitting back up to meet yours. Your heart feels like it’s about to fall out of your chest, pounding so loudly that you wonder if he can hear it.
“Scared, Y/N?” he whispers, sending the slightest shivers down your spine as you hold your breath. His hand finds yours, and your eyes drop down to see his fingers intertwined with yours.
You let out a quiet laugh, the words finally registering in your mind. You gaze back at him as the corners of your lips quirk up into a smirk. “You wish.”
Before you know it, he lets go of your hand and tugs you even closer, pulling you onto his lap and closing the distance. He captures your lips against his, and your breath hitches in your throat for a second time tonight as you straddle him, the palms of your hands pressed against his chest. He tastes sweet, like chocolate, and you cave into his embrace as his hand reaches up to delicately cradle your cheek. The next kiss is messier, more desperate, and he holds you like he’s scared of losing you, like if he doesn’t feel every inch of your body pressed against his, then this would all be a dream—that you aren’t really here, that this isn’t real.
Your heart ricochets in your chest, sparks flying until a whole damn wildfire is ablaze, and your grip on his shirt tightens, like you’re afraid of letting go and losing yourself. You feel drunk off of his kisses as he trails them down the slope of your neck before leaning up to press another one against your mouth for good measure.
“You wanna see something cool?” he says a little breathlessly when he pulls away, his cheeks and lips both a pretty shade of carmine now. You nod, not trusting your voice in this very moment.
He reaches behind you, carefully slipping his hand under your shirt. Pausing, he waits for your reaction, and when you nod, he continues. After a few seconds, he deftly unhooks the back of your bra before pulling his hand back, a proud expression on his face, and you start to laugh, shoulders shaking and mouth pulled into the prettiest smile that has him stopping to admire the pretty sight in front of him.
“Wow, you broke your record of five minutes,” you finally say, still giggling slightly, and he winks at you. “I had practice.”
“Yeah?” you hum as his hands trail to the undersides of your thighs, and he easily lifts you up as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Are you planning on breaking any other records tonight?”
Eyes glimmering, Jeno grins, leaning in to place another kiss on the corner of your mouth, and your heart races, cheeks growing warmer than ever.
“I’m going for the gold, sweetheart.”
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ix. to be (a coward) or not to be.
You find yourself lying in the cramped twin size bed next to Jeno. Your eyes wander around, taking in your surroundings and memorizing the way the moonlight casts shadows on the bits and pieces that give you a glimpse into the childhood of the sleeping boy next to you. There are posters of old bands and science fair ribbons pinned to the navy painted walls along with shelves filled with dusty sports trophies and action figures. You can see some old pictures of Jeno and Jaemin in high school along with younger versions of a few other boys you recognize from your university lined up on his desk neatly, no doubt framed and arranged by his mother. And then you notice how your clothes are haphazardly strewn throughout the room, intruding upon a space that isn’t yours. You feel so out of place.
Jeno stirs next to you when you shift slightly in your position and wraps his arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him and nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. You gaze at the boy next to you, his delicate features highlighted by the soft glow of the moonlight from the curve of his lips to the pretty mole under his right eye to his long lashes casting shadows on his cheeks. He looks so innocent in that moment, and the guilt pools even deeper in your stomach for what you are about to do.
But you feel like you’re suffocating, almost drowning. A foreign emotion has already crept its way into your heart, and it’s squeezing your lungs until you can’t breathe anymore. There’s a reason why you choose a different pretty boy to spend the midnight hours with every time, a different warm body in your bed each night, a boy you know you won’t ever love for every single one of your short lived relationships.
Falling in love is terrifying. Falling feels a lot like flying until you crash into the pavement, heart smashed into smithereens. Promises are made, only to be broken. Commitment is your worst enemy, and letting someone see you in your most vulnerable moments frightens you more than anything in the world. The thought of letting someone have the power to affect you this much is just unfathomable, and you just can’t give up any part of yourself, can’t show the best and worst parts of you, can’t let yourself be vulnerable. You can’t give your all to someone only for them to confirm your worst fear.
But when you glance over at Jeno and feel the way he holds you so close—almost as if you mean something to him—there’s a tiny voice in the back of your mind telling you to stay. Enveloped in his arms and pressed against his side, you feel safe and protected, like this is where you should be. You wouldn’t mind coming home to this every night. Home. You feel at home when you’re with him, and that thought alone shakes you to the core.
You can’t do it.
You’re too scared to fall in love, too scared to take the chance, too scared to leave your heart in the hands of someone else. So you quietly slide out of his bed, not missing the way his eyebrows furrow as his arm reaches out to hold onto someone who’s already gone. You carefully pick up your scattered clothes and put them back on. You silently pack up your suitcase and find your phone, scheduling an Uber to take you back to your apartment. You pull up his messages and type out another one of your recycled excuses. You hit send, hearing a faint ping! from his phone, before finally exiting his bedroom, missing the way his eyes slowly open and watch you walk away.
It’s a routine you’ve gotten down by now: something as easy as waking up, washing your face, brushing your teeth, and changing out of your pajamas every day before your 8 AM class. You leave before the first rays of the sun peek out, the only trace of you lingering is the disappearing warmth in the sheets. Leaving is the only thing you’re good at. It’s as easy as breathing for you: one step forward, inhale, another step forward, exhale. You keep putting one foot in front of the other until you’re gone.
Bad habits are hard to break, or perhaps you’re too much of a coward to even try.
This is for the best, you say to yourself, repeating those words like a broken mantra in your mind until hopefully, you believe them yourself. You never stay. You never get attached. That’s how it always is. That’s how it has always been. That’s how it will always be. It’s always easier to be the bad guy. This is what you’re good at doing.
But it seems as though you forgot to pack away your heart when you left because there’s an empty ache in your chest during the entire car ride back.
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x. the fujiwhara effect.
When two hurricanes meet, it is called the Fujiwhara Effect. Two whirlwinds spin in the same direction, dancing in circles around a common center. They will eventually spiral into the center point and merge, unless one is more powerful than the other, in which the smaller one orbits around the larger.
Perhaps it was the calm before the storm. You have an awful penchant for screwing things up right when everything is going perfect, so maybe there’s always going to be a storm because you are the storm. It’s simply in your inherent nature to come rushing in and destroying everything good in your path once something becomes too real, too tangible, too permanent. You like to come and go, never staying in one place for too long, tearing through and leaving a war zone—and well, it’s not your fault if a trail of broken hearts is left behind. The warning signs were all there, but they still came to you.
But Jeno is no different. He goes around breaking hearts for fun, discarding them faster than a child plowing through a pile of shiny new toys on Christmas Day. Except he’s a stronger hurricane. And when the two of you eventually crash into each other, your whole world is ripped down the seams until you are spilling everywhere and spiraling out of control, until you’re stuck spinning in circles at his mercy, until you’re getting dizzier and dizzier with each passing second.
It’s all fun and games until it’s not anymore because you’ve made a habit of loving him, made a home in a person, and you recognize the way he looked at you that night. It was the way Yeonjun had looked at you, the way Minhyuk looked at you, the way Hyunjin looks at you, the way Yugyeom looks at Yeeun, the way all those girls look at Jaemin, the way you caught yourself looking at Jeno.
You want to throw up.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. You weren’t supposed to catch feelings. You weren’t supposed to go this far. You weren’t supposed to fall in love with him, but you did, and now you can’t bear to deal with the consequences. Your fight or flight instincts kick in, and you do what you always do best.
You run away. Straight back into Hyunjin’s arms.
The scene is eerily familiar as you find yourself back in that same bathroom of the NCT frat house from all those months ago, but with a different boy in tow. Hyunjin pulls you in close, sloppily pressing kisses over every inch of your exposed skin, but it seems so wrong. He kisses you like it’s a means to an end, a desperate race to the finish line to get your clothes off and take what he wants. His hands are on your arms when they should be on your waist or cradling your cheek, he doesn’t smell like citrus and pine, but above all, you feel absolutely nothing.
And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
“Here or bedroom?” he mutters, fingers digging into your hips now, and you barely register the fact that he had asked you something at first.
“Here.” If you close your eyes, you can pretend it’s him instead. But that’s not what you need, so your eyes snap open to stare at the boy in front of you, reminding yourself that it’s not him, that it can’t be him. But want is a slippery slope, and your eyes flutter shut.
It is a mistake.
You see him. You struggle in this battle, the weight on your shoulders now pressing down on your chest, rib cage bending to the point of breaking, a billion thoughts clouding up your mind, your breath escaping between your teeth in uneven increments, and you find yourself careening out of control so rapidly that you grab onto anything, anyone, chest heaving up and down as your eyes snap open.
Hyunjin fumbles with your shirt, roughly grabbing the hem, and you’re clutching onto his belt, until the door bangs open and your heart leaps to your throat at the sight of him.
Lee Jeno: the walking cliché of your wildest dreams and your nightmares simultaneously. He’s living, breathing proof that bad boys who wear the typical leather jacket and drive a sleek car with one hand on the steering wheel, but also have a hidden soft side (because you saw him snuggling with his cats back home every night) actually exist. It’s Lee Jeno who used to have a different girl wrapped around his finger every night or morning or even sometimes mid-afternoon; Lee Jeno with his pretty eye smile that can make you swoon; Lee Jeno with his annoyingly endearing tendencies that you finally understand why so many girls, and even some boys, fall for so willingly.
Or for you, Lee Jeno: the boy who was your first genuine crush. He’s the reason you desperately wished you listened to Jennie when she told you to find an older, more experienced boy to have your first college hookup with, and not a fellow lowly freshman because you never knew a tiny, dumb crush could end up like this three years later. You never would’ve ended up learning that he has three cats that he loves more than anything in the world, that his favorite color is blue because that was Jaemin’s favorite color when they met in kindergarten, that he likes having exactly ten tiny marshmallows in his hot chocolate, that he secretly enjoys those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies his older sister forced him to watch with her when they were little, that all these little insignificant things have become significant to you because it’s Jeno. It’s no longer a silly crush; it has grown into something so much bigger that has him rooted in your heart, leaving a relentless ache in his wake as the thoughts of him engulf you whole, and it has you feeling absolutely terrified.
“Shit, sorry, I didn’t kno—”
He stops when he realizes it’s you: the one who didn’t return his phone calls when he woke up to an empty bed or answered his texts, the one who got away, the one who somehow made her way into his heart and left a you-shaped hole in it. The hurt flashes in his eyes for a millisecond before it’s replaced by anger at the sight of the other boy, but you still catch it nonetheless, guilt curling up in the pit of your stomach.
“What the fuck?”
“Uh, we’re kinda busy here, dude, so unless you wanna stay and watch—” Hyunjin motions towards the door, but that seems to only make Jeno even more furious.
“Get the fuck out.” His voice is dangerously low, directed towards Hyunjin, but he’s staring at you. Hyunjin slinks out the door, muttering curses under his breath, but you’re frozen under his gaze, remaining perched on the bathroom countertop. The door swings shut, and he stands there, the both of you remaining silent as the muffled music continues to seep through the walls.
“Why?” he whispers, hoarse voice breaking at the end as his true emotions slip through the cracks of his dissipating anger. “Why are you doing this?”
You didn’t think you could find your voice, but at last you do. “What do you mean ‘why’? Isn’t this what we always do? Find someone, fuck, repeat.”
“But you and I—” He stops there abruptly, carding his hand through his hair in frustration. “We just— you and I…”
“You and I what? We slept together. That’s it. You got what you wanted, so that’s the end of it. Aren’t you happy?” You raise an eyebrow at him, pushing down the churning feeling in your stomach. “You can go back to your little body count competition now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
He keeps his voice level, not falling for your jabs, and it angers you. You want him to be mad at you, want him to finally snap because then you would have a reason to leave, a reason to justify what you’re doing, a reason to not feel so goddamn guilty.
You don’t understand why you feel like this, the guilt eating away inside of you until you’re left with a hollow shell of yourself. It’s not like he and you were exclusive or even worse, dating. You and Jeno don’t date. Dating is not a word in either one of your dictionaries. Hooking up? Yes. One night stands? Of course. Next morning’s walk of shame? Unfortunately, guilty as charged. But dating? That word is foreign on your tongue and his.
He and you are the same. You’re the type of people who just take and take and take, but give nothing back. The type to never commit. The type that girls and boys think “I can change them, I can fix them. Just wait and see.” but it only ends with another broken heart in your collection and an unspoken “I told you so” from their friends. The type who uses empty promises, pretty gift wrapped words, and alluring smiles to get what they want and occupy their next conquest’s every waking thought before, during, and after their encounter. The type to play with a heart until they’re bored and set off to find an even shinier, brand new one. The type to leave and never stay.
The two of you are well versed with how this is supposed to end. But why does it feel like your heart is being crushed at an excruciatingly slow rate with every breath you take?
“Then what was it about?” You challenge, curling your fingers into fists. “What is this about? Do you need an actual review to scrub your now spotless record? Because here’s one: you’ve improved. It was great. Thank you for a fantastic night, now please let me enjoy tonight and go find Hyunjin again or whoever.”
The mention of his name sparks an immediate reaction as his jaw tightens and his entire figure stiffens. “This isn’t about that.”
“What is this about then, Jeno? Did you really think that this—” You gesture between you and him. “—was something?”
He stares at you with his mouth agape. “We spent hours, weeks, months together. I told you things I never even told Jaemin. I invited you to my house for Christmas. I let you meet my mom. I let you meet my cats.”
Your fingernails press so hard into the palms of your hands that you think you almost break skin. You school your expression into one of boredom. “So?”
“So doesn’t that mean something?” He finally explodes, hitting his hand against the wall in frustration as a distraught expression appears on his features. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Should it?”
He unfurls his fist, answering quietly, “It does to me.”
“But not to me.” The lie falls so easily from your lips, but Jeno can detect a falsity from the truth so easily when it comes to you. He knows you better than anyone else because you two are alike, cut from the same cloth, and that is what scares you the most.
“You’re lying,” he says softly, watching your still figure as you sharply inhale at that. “You wouldn’t share hidden places and secrets and spend time with someone if it all meant nothing to you. You wouldn’t buy custom Etsy Christmas sweaters for their cats or count out the number of marshmallows to add into their cup of hot chocolate or memorize their pizza order or go to three different grocery stores for a specific type of candy for someone if they meant nothing to you. If you didn’t love them.”
“We aren’t… we’re not made for that.” You shake your head. “You and I… we aren’t— aren’t built to care and love, to be cared for and to be loved. It’s been like that for years now.”
“You’re wrong,” Jeno whispers, and he’s looking at you with that exact same tender gaze that’s gotten you into this mess. “You’re wrong because I care about you.”
He swallows hard.
“Don’t.” Your voice breaks as you shake your head desperately. “Please don’t say it.”
“—I love you.”
The hurricanes collide. You’re falling apart.
“Stop. You— no, you don’t. You can’t. You’re fucking lying. Take it back.” You’re reeling, struggling to take back control but it’s too late to put the brakes on now and you’re seconds away from driving over the edge of the cliff.
“I’ve never lied to you, Y/N.” He looks at you with tired eyes, and you feel yourself slowly crumbling. “I’ve screwed up, I’ve done some shitty things, but I have never lied to you. So the least you can do is be honest with me. Do you really feel nothing?”
“I don’t… I’m not… That’s not… That is completely missing the point.” You flounder to find a footing, to find someplace you can hide and feel less exposed and vulnerable. You wrap your arms around yourself, hugging your body tightly and unable to say anything more.
“I love you,” he repeats in a gentler tone, and you can feel his gaze searing into the side of your face. You turn away, unable to look him in the eye and holding back the tears.
“I never asked you to.”
“But I still do.”
Jeno waits a few more moments, but you stay quiet with your eyes turned toward the floor and lips curled inwards and pressed tightly together. He laughs humorlessly, shoulders slumped in defeat as he turns towards the door, his voice echoing in the empty space.
“So I guess this is how it feels.”
You don’t dare to look his way. “This is how what feels?”
He pauses halfway out the door, facing you one last time, and you force yourself to face him at last. The corners of his lips quirk up into a wistful half smile, one that doesn’t quite meet his eyes at all, and it causes your heart to wrench painfully in your chest.
“To have someone break your heart.”
When he disappears, leaving you sitting in the cramped bathroom all alone, you finally let the dam break and the tears spill out. They fall until your pretty white shirt is completely soaked, but this time, no one is here to lend you their jacket and protect you from the cold because you’re the one with ice in your chest in the first place.
It’s supposed to hurt less when you build up the walls and let no one in, but nobody told you how lonely you’d feel. Nobody told you that you’d have to hold up the weight of the entire world on your shoulders alone. Nobody told you how much it fucking hurts to finally let someone inside your garden, only for the flowers you painstakingly planted to get trampled and the fence you put up to be broken when they left.
It always ends up like this: the heartbreaker and the heartbroken. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So when two heartbreakers meet, it is inevitable that two hearts break. You just never knew it would hurt this fucking much when you have to break two hearts instead of one.
When a smaller hurricane meets with a larger tsunami, it continues to spin around and around the bigger force, faster and faster until it’s careening out of control, until it finally dissipates, until nothing is left, except for the mess it made.
So this is how it feels.
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xi. counterpoises.
When two people are too much alike, the scales tip to one side, growing heavier and heavier, until it topples over and the secrets and insecurities spill out like water, soaking and drowning everything in its path. The glass is either half full or half empty until too much is suddenly poured into it, overflowing onto the sides, and you can’t clean it up. You’re struggling to tread water, lost amidst the waves and sea, separated from the one person you care for most because you let him sink in order to swim.
You stand in front of the familiar shop alone, staring up at the blinking neon sign. It feels as if this is the only place left that remains untouched and pristine in the destroyed aftermath. Your friends mean well, but their questions and constant hovering make you feel like you’re trapped and suffocating once more. You give them half lies wrapped in thin veracity, not wanting to create an even bigger ocean. Because once you tell them the truth, once you tell someone about that night, it means that this was different, that this was real. It means confronting that what you and Jeno had—it meant something to you.
You escape to the one place where no one can find you. You take a deep breath before reaching out and pulling open the door, the cute little jingle immediately playing to announce your entrance. The owner smiles at you, recognizing you after nearly four years, and you greet her back, stepping up to the register to buy your usual.
When your order is ready, you carry the drink and basket of fries to the area you had dubbed your little alcove. Crawling into the familiar space, you place your snacks on the wicker tray and sit back, curling your legs underneath you and closing your eyes. The once cozy space now feels too big for you. You hate that you feel like you’re waiting for someone, anticipating the late arrival of someone who will sit next to you and fill the space that you come to realize is perfect for two.
But of course, he doesn’t show. Not when you pushed him away like that.
A heavy weight shifts the pillows next to you, and your eyes snap open, heart leaping in your chest as you immediately look to your right. Your eyes soften when you see Snowball sitting there. He looks at you, large eyes sparkling and tongue lolling out. Your face softens as he nudged his nose against your hand comfortingly, as if he senses your sadness. You throw your arms around him, burying your face in his fur and hugging him tightly, and he nuzzles his snout against your cheek.
“Thank you, Snowball,” you sigh, loosening your arms around him, and he tilts his head, touching his nose against your cheek, before laying down and resting his head in your lap. You smile down at him, placing your hand on his head and patting him tenderly.
“There you are.”
Startled, you look up and see Jaemin. You give him a tight smile. “Jaemin, I’m not in the mood to—”
“Did you know I’ve been shaking this bag of treats in the front for the past five minutes like a complete idiot, and Snowball still didn’t come?” Jaemin interrupts, wildly waving a plastic bag around in the air, filled with homemade canine snacks. “I even researched top quality dog biscuits recipes and checked with the owner to make sure he can eat this. I spent hours baking these, and he rejected me!”
You let out a snort, a small smile appearing on your face. Jaemin huffs in exasperation, pouting. “Here, you might as well take them and give them to him since he clearly doesn’t love me anymore.”
He thrusts the packet of treats at you and turns to walk away. You hesitate before calling out, “Wait.” He faces you with a raised eyebrow, and you swallow hard, tentatively holding up the dog biscuits. “Shouldn’t you at least wait and see if he likes them? You made them for him.”
Jaemin pauses, gauging your reaction silently before deciding, “Okay, I’ll stay. I wanna see if he’ll eat one. Two max because cookies can’t be that good for him.”
You open the bag and pluck out two of the treats, handing one to Jaemin and keeping one for yourself. Jaemin carefully crawls into the space to sit across from you. The white fluffy dog raises its head from your lap to look at him, tail thumping wildly and hitting his leg.
“Hey, buddy, I brought you some snacks I made.” Jaemin reaches out and strokes Snowball, grinning wildly when the dog sniffs and nudges his hand. He extends his other hand, the biscuit resting in his open palm. Immediately, Snowball snatches it, chewing it quickly with another wag of his tail.
You watch him, the ghost of a smile flitting across your face when you notice the pure, unadulterated joy coming from your friend as he exclaims that Snowball likes his treats. You hand over the second treat to him, and he happily feeds it to the overgrown puppy.
You stay quiet for a moment, contemplating before finally asking, “How was volunteering today?”
Jaemin’s face lights up. “It was really good. Andy drew me another drawing.”
“Oh? what’d he draw this time? Another dinosaur?”
“No, an astronaut.” He smiles, eyes twinkling. “He said once he gets better, he’ll take me on a trip to the moon because there are bunnies on the moon and I look like one.”
You chuckle, eyes flickering over his features. He does look like a rabbit in some ways, you note. You hesitate. “Is he getting better?”
“He’s in remission. But the doctors want him to stay just in case still..” Jaemin traces the edge of the throw blanket with his finger, staying quiet for a moment before his shoulders slump. “You know, sometimes, I hate volunteering. It just fucking sucks to see all these kids with so much potential spend their entire lives stuck in a white cell. It just, I don’t know, it just really sucks that I want to help so badly, but I can’t do anything about it. I get these second thoughts about becoming a pediatrician because what’s the point if I can’t help people?”
“That’s not true.” You shake your head, reaching over to place your hand over his. “You’re working your butt off shadowing doctors and studying to help people. You spend extra hours on top of that just visiting all the kids. You help Andy. You helped Chloe, Alex, Sam, literally all of the kids that you spent time with. They absolutely adore you, and you make them happy. And don’t deny it because I’ve seen all the crayon drawings they made for you taped up on your walls. You’re a kind person, and you make people feel loved and cared for, Jaemin.”
A hint of a smile sweeps across his face as he lets your words settle in his heart. He carefully turns his hand over to wrap his fingers around yours, squeezing your hand gently before letting go. A silent thank you.
Jaemin continues to ramble on about his classes after that, and you listen, adding in a few words here and there. You haven’t felt at peace like this in so long. It reminds you of when things weren’t as complicated. It feels like the calm before a storm.
You’re standing in the eye of the hurricane.
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xii. he loves me, she loves me not.
Yeeun and Giselle refuse to let you wallow around in your misery and continue to eat your weight in xxtra flamin’ hot Cheetos as you go in a downward spiral of watching every single episode of every trashy TLC reality show possible for a third week. They love you to death, but there’s only so much they can take of “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Extreme Cheapskates” before they want to smash the television. Your friends force you into a casual, but still cute, little red mini dress and your black boots so you can stomp on the shackles of patriarchy and dumb boys. You reckon it’s time to swap out those artificially bright red cheesy puffs and drink your weight in alcohol tonight instead.
“Okay, we can’t be late, especially since I’m dating the host.” Yeeun ushers you and Giselle towards her car, and you situate yourself into the passenger seat, while your other friend sprawls out in the back.
“I still can’t believe you’re actually dating someone,” you comment, leaning your arm against the door and resting your head in your hand. “Guess we gotta pour one out for all the boys whose hearts you broke with that couple post.”
“You know, I think I saw Chris cry a little in the back of the lab today,” Giselle chimes in, tapping her finger against her chin, and Yeeun laughs, starting up the car and pulling out onto the street, “Oh my god, you guys, that was a one time mistake.”
“A mistake lasting three months. I still can’t believe you called him the wrong name before,” you giggle, and she splutters, hitting the brake pedal a little too hard at the next red light.
“Okay, he didn’t hear me though. My face was in the pillow.”
“Mm, no, he definitely heard you,” Giselle cuts in, “I did a little experiment and pretended to forget his name. I called him Kevin, and he reacted so fast, I thought he was gonna get whiplash.”
“Well, shit.” is all Yeeun can say as you and Giselle start to laugh hysterically. It feels nice to laugh like this again, like you were your old self before feelings got involved and all you cared about was if the cute boy in your Managerial Accounting class was single and ready to mingle (spoiler alert: he was). It feels like everything might be okay again.
“What about you, babe?” Giselle starts, and the casual little pet name strikes a chord in you. “Is tonight only a drunk night or a fuck night?”
“Screw it, let’s go with fuck,” you firmly decide, finally making up your mind and vowing to commit to it, and the girls cheer. “I deserve to get good dick tonight.”
“Hell yeah you do!” Yeeun exclaims, and Giselle nods vigorously in agreement with a fist pump and supportive battlecry. “Jennie would be proud. Fuck boys. Both literally and figuratively. Fuck Jeno for breaking your heart.”
You nod your head wordlessly, choosing to stay silent and not tell her that it was the other way around. Hearing his name leaves a bittersweet taste in your mouth, and you quietly listen as your friends continue to curse out every aspect of the male specimen.
When you arrive at Greek Row, Yeeun is lucky enough to find a nearby parking spot, and the three of you hurriedly make your way to the Gamma Omega Tau house. The signature red cups are already strewn across the front lawn, and you’re pretty sure you see Yangyang vomiting in the bushes as some poor girl pats his back. A beer pong table had been set up out front as well, and when you enter the house, you can still hear Yukhei whooping loudly over Cardi B. advertising her WAP, no doubt winning another game with Jackson.
Yugyeom appears, and you wave Yeeun off when she gives you a worried glance, even giving her a thumbs up before she’s whisked away by her boyfriend. Giselle sighs enviously, looking at them before they disappear in the dancing crowd. “God, sometimes I want a boyfriend so bad, but then, I’m like, ‘Do I actually want one or am I just bored’, you know?”
“Yeah, I get that. It usually goes away the next day once you hook up with someone,” you say, and she hums in agreement. Her eyes scan the room until they land on one boy in particular. “Oh god, Dejun is here.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “What’s wrong with him?”
“He and Karina have some beef going on, and I don’t want to listen to another whole spiel about it.” Her eyes grow bigger when she sees him coming this way. “Okay, yeah, I gotta dip. I’ll be in the pool room. Don’t tell Dejun.”
With that, she nimbly slips her way through the tightly packed bodies and makes her escape. A few seconds later, Dejun shows up by your side. “Hey, wasn’t Giselle just here?”
“Uh, yeah, she needed a drink though.” You clear your throat, hoping he won’t see through your lie. He huffs in exasperation, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I wanted to talk to her about something. Can you believe that Karina had the audacity to—”
You make sure to thank the heavens for sending you a savior in the form of— you squint your eyes to make out who called out your name from across the room before they widen in surprise—Na Jaemin.
He makes his way over to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder, before he addresses the other boy. “Hey, you don’t mind if I steal her for a bit, right? Thanks, man.”
Jaemin tugs you away before he can protest, and you find yourself in the kitchen, which is surprisingly devoid of anyone. He pours a mix of sodas and cheap whiskey into a cup, offering it to you. You accept it, taking a huge sip of it before wrinkling your nose. The mixers do a poor job of covering up the whiskey, and Jaemin laughs at your reaction, emptying the rest of the alcohol straight into his mouth.
“So what’s up?” You raise the plastic cup in a mock toast towards him before taking another sip. Yep, just as awful as the first taste, but the burning sensation down your throat becomes a little more bearable.
“I just… wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?” he says, tossing the empty bottle into the nearby recycling can. Hey, saving the environment is important, and it’s always good to remember the three R’s: reuse, reduce, and recycle. But make sure not to apply that to all rubbers, of course.
“I’ve… been better, I guess. It’s just one of those days.” You shrug and dump half of the contents of your drink into your mouth.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaemin watches you, tilting his head to the side as he finally breaks the silence, and you shake your head, finishing off the rest of your drink. “I came here to not talk about it.”
“Okay.” He pauses before reaching out to lightly touch your elbow. “Do you want to dance with me?”
You don’t say a word, but you reach up and lace your fingers with his, pulling him out to where the bass is pounding the loudest. Now face to face, you pull him even closer, and he places his hands on your hips. It feels foreign, but you shove that feeling away, just like you always do.
“You don’t seem happy,” he notes, leaning forward to speak closer to your ear in order to be heard. His breath tickles the shell of your ear, and you shiver slightly. You can smell faint traces of his cologne, freshly baked cookies, and whiskey.
You redirect the conversation, slipping your arms around his neck. “How’s everything?”
The underlying question is clear to Jaemin. How’s Jeno? He quickly maneuvers you around to avoid Yukhei who has suddenly barraged through the packed living room, like a crazed linebacker. The two of you are pressed up against each other now, and Jaemin looks down at you through his pretty eyelashes, studying your features with a softened gaze.
“He’s… been better. But he’ll live. He’s in the engineering lab right now, working late on his senior project. He’s almost done with his prototype, and—”
You kiss him.
It’s instinctive and impulsive, but something inside you snaps, and you can’t bear to hear him talk about Jeno anymore, so you do the first thing that comes to mind. Jaemin is caught off guard and freezes up for a few moments before he hesitantly kisses you back. His hands squeeze your waist gently before one goes up to cup your face in the exact way you like. But it feels all wrong. You card your fingers through his hair, slot your body against his, and press your lips against his harder and harder, desperate to feel something else, anything else.
But you don’t.
Breathing out your name, Jaemin pulls away from you, pupils blown wide, as he stares down at you, his parted lips red and swollen. He’s a pretty sight to see. A pretty mess, just like you. It’s like one of those Monet paintings that look stunning until you come closer and ruin the masterpiece. You lean forward and attempt to close the distance again because maybe the second time will be a charm, or maybe the third or fourth, but he leans back, shaking his head as his grip on your waist loosens.
“Y/N, Y/N, stop. You're crying.”
His fingers tenderly brush away the tears that have unknowingly fallen and stained your cheeks. You feel the teardrops sliding down now, wetting your skin, and Jaemin silently thinks your eyes still look beautiful, all starry and shining. He pulls you close and lets you cry into his shoulder, and you clutch onto the fabric of his shirt like a lifeline. He tucks you inside his oversized jean jacket, letting you hide from the world and remove the carefully crafted, brave persona you’ve been putting on for the past few days, months, years. You’ve nearly forgotten what the world outside of the fences you’ve built is like.
Pushing his way through the crowd, Jaemin brings you out to the back, hugging your figure to him as the two of you stand on the back porch, the loud music now muffled as are the boisterous shouts and conversations from your peers inside. You press your face into the crook of his neck and let him hold you, enveloping you in a comforting embrace as the tears stream down your face. He holds you for as long as you want—as long as you need.
You want to stay like this forever. But you can’t.
Inhaling sharply, you harshly wipe away the tears with the palms of your hands, no doubt smearing your makeup away, but you can’t care less. Jaemin has already seen you at your lowest before.
“Jaemin, I fucked up.” Your voice cracks. “I’m fucked up.”
“Hey.” He grabs your shoulders gently. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re not fucked up.”
You attempt to give him a watery smile, but end up hiccuping. “But it’s true. I can’t—I don’t know how to stay. I don’t know how to let anyone in. I don’t know how to trust anyone. I don’t know how to be someone capable of being loved. I don’t, I don’t know how to love. I don’t know if I can. But I want to, I want to so badly, but I just—I just can’t. Something is wrong with me.”
“Nothing is wrong with you,” Jaemin says firmly, staring directly into your eyes, and for a moment, you almost believe him. His voice grows quieter. “You’re not fucked up. You are capable of love. You are capable of loving. You wouldn’t be feeling this way if you weren’t. You wouldn’t be out here if you didn’t love him.”
Your eyes waver, and Jaemin gingerly reaches out to cup your face, keeping his steady gaze on you. He feels like an anchor amidst the hurricane, and you hold on tightly, terrified of spiraling away even farther. He holds you together as you fall apart, keeping you from self destruction: the green light on the other side.
“Y/N, you are worthy of being loved. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Yeeun loves you. Giselle loves you.” Jaemin pauses, hesitating for a few seconds.
“Jeno loves you.” I think I love you.
At the mention of his name, you hate how your eyes start to fill with tears again, and you harshly blink them away. “He shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”
“Everyone deserves to be loved.”
You shake your head vehemently in silent protest, curling your hands until your fingernails create small crescent shapes in your palms, until you finally feel something through this numbness even if it’s a little pain. Jaemin reaches out and carefully unfurls your fists, squeezing your hands gently.
“Y/N, you deserve love. You might feel like you’re someone who isn’t worthy of love, but doesn’t that just mean you should try to become someone who you believe is worthy of love?” He smiles softly at you.
“Don’t you want to try?”
Jaemin catches a stray tear that manages to slip through your eyelashes, thumbing it away gingerly. It sparkles under the moonlight, like a diamond in the inky night sky that will always be out of his reach no matter how hard he tries. So this is how it feels to want something—someone—you can’t have, he muses, a foreign feeling settling in his bones, in between the cracks of his rib cage until it curls around his heart like poison ivy. The stars twinkle mirthlessly. They are his silent witness when he finally understands. This is what heartbreak feels like.
You take a breath, inhaling slowly, then exhaling. Jaemin stares at you so earnestly, holds you so delicately, and says those words so fiercely that maybe, just maybe, you start to believe him.
You’re terrified, absolutely petrified. You don’t know if you can ever become that someone. You’re still scared that it’ll hurt, that you’ll lose everything, that you’ll lose yourself if you let yourself love someone, that your worst fear will be confirmed. But you realize that you want to. You want to try. You want to try for yourself.
But you also want to try for Jaemin.
Because he believes in you even when you don't believe in yourself. Because you trust him right now more than you have ever trusted in yourself. Because it’s not as scary when he’s holding your hand. Because he gives you the courage to not be so afraid. And one day, you hope that you’ll be able to prove to him that it wasn’t all for nothing.
You call his name so sweetly, and he’s reminded of a distant memory from sophomore year when you sat across from him at the kitchen table, eyes sparkling and a stack of pancakes nearly toppling over in front of you. That was the first time he made pancakes for someone, other than himself or his friends.
That was the first time he tried.
“Jaemin,” you repeat his name, and he hums in acknowledgment. He waits for you patiently. You draw in a shaky breath. It’s now or never. You have to do this when you have the courage: the courage to stay, the courage to trust, the courage to love, the courage to take the first step.
“I want to try.”
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xiii. plastic hearts can break, too.
[ 4:23 p.m. ] you: can we talk pls?
[ 4:47 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: I’m free after my aerodynamics class
[ 4:48 p.m. ] you: cavanaugh hall in 15?
[ 4:59 p.m. ] catboy 🐈: ok
You wait anxiously, sitting on one of the benches in a more secluded area, and cross your legs, your knee bouncing up and down slightly in trepidation. The vines overhead and trees have already lost all their leaves long ago, leaving empty twigs waving aimlessly in the wind. The chilly air bites your nose, tracing its icy wisps against your cheeks, and you shiver slightly.
Jeno’s figure approaches the area, and you wave awkwardly, catching his attention. He walks over to you, one hand clutching onto the strap of his backpack tightly. Stiffly, he drops his bag on the ground, taking a seat beside you before staring down at his clasped hands.
“Um, hi,” you start, nervousness blooming in your stomach. “How have you been?”
“Fine,” he says shortly, crossing his arms across his chest. He still doesn’t relax, sitting on the edge of the bench with his back straightened. “What did you want to talk about?”
“I kissed Jaemin.”
Your confession hangs in the air, suspended like tiny pieces of glitter in a snowglobe. The boy next to you stiffens up, squeezing his hands into fists, and your mouth goes dry. You lick your lips before continuing, “I’m sorry, it was an impulsive thing, a stupid thing to do, an—”
“I know.”
You stare at him, mouth open. “You… know?”
Jeno slumps in his seat, unfurling his fingers as he turns and finally looks at you for the first time since that night, tired eyes gazing back at you. “I know. Jaemin told me.”
“He told you?” you repeat, still trying to process everything all at once, and he nods. He sits in stony silence until his face crumples, and his voice grows smaller, but you still hear it, your heart cracking a little more.
You hesitate, wavering between every single answer in the book to absolutely nothing at all. Why did you do it? You never thought about it. Sometimes, you just simply do things without determining the consequences. But the underlying reason is there when you dig deep down into the farthest crevice of your soul.
“Because I was scared,” you answer honestly, and this time, he knows you’re telling the truth. Jeno knows you better than anyone else after all. “Because I don’t know what to do when someone loves me. I don’t know what to do when I love someone. When I love you.”
Jeno’s eyes widen at that, and you give him a small smile, pulling at your sleeves to cover your hands. “I’m scared because that means I’m letting you in. I’m scared because I want you to stay. I’m scared because that means you can choose to leave whenever you want to, and I can’t do anything about it.
“So I always choose to leave first. To run away before the other person does. But because of that, I don’t know how to—how to love someone. I didn’t know what it felt like. But then you came along.”
Jeno doesn’t say anything, but you know he’s listening carefully. You pull your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as you look straight ahead, gazing at the one lone flower that has still managed to survive and bloom on the magnolia tree.
“You were—you were unexpected. You were relentless. You never gave up. You were fearless. You surprised me with your funny texts, your corny pick up lines, your cat pictures, your earnesty, your honesty… You really made it so easy to fall in love with you, Jeno.”
You chuckle quietly, “I didn’t even know I was falling in love with you until it was too late. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was suffocating, and I couldn’t stay. I didn’t know how to stay without falling apart. So I ran. I did a bunch of stupid things to pretend that my feelings didn’t exist. If I don’t acknowledge it, then maybe it isn’t there. Maybe it’ll go away.
“But it didn’t. It just grew bigger and forced me to acknowledge it. When I kissed Hyunjin, I wished it was you. God, I wished it was you so badly. Did you know that? But I’m a coward, and I couldn’t face my feelings because I wanted to protect myself.
“Isn’t it so fucked up that we go around breaking other people’s hearts when we’re so afraid of our own being broken?” You laugh humorlessly. “I’m a selfish coward. I didn’t want my heart broken.”
“So you broke mine instead,” Jeno says bitterly, shoving his hands into his pockets, and you nod, the lump in your throat growing bigger.
“Yes, I did. I thought that meant, in some messed up way, that mine was safe. That I wouldn’t be able to get hurt if I pushed you away. That my feelings would go away, and everything would go back to the way it was. So I kissed Jaemin to prove to myself that everything was the same again. But of course, it wasn’t. It never was to begin with. And I ended up breaking not just your heart, but mine, too.”
“I didn’t know what it was like to be in love.” You draw in a quivering breath. “But I also didn’t know what it was like to be heartbroken. All I knew was that it hurt so fucking bad.”
“And all I could think of was you,” you say softly, and his breath hitches in his throat. “I hoped to god that it didn’t hurt this much for you. That’s when I realized I love you.”
“That's what love is, right? Thinking of the other person and putting them before you, being selfless and unafraid, letting someone else hold your heart and trusting them to not break it.” Your eyes water, but you attempt to harshly blink the tears away. You swallow hard. “Jeno, I’m sorry for being selfish. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I’m not ready to love you.”
Your eyes fill with unshed tears before you squeeze them shut, inhaling shakily. “But I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be someone deserving of love, someone I’m proud of—someone I love. I don’t know how long it’ll take… but I’m trying.”
You clasp your hands together, twisting and turning the rings on your fingers, as you bow your head slightly, eyes trained on the golden loops—on the gold chain around your wrist, the tiny initial dangling and catching the faint sunlight. You take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. You don’t expect a response from him, but he carefully reaches out and places his hand over yours, curling his fingers around yours.
“I know,” he answers softly at last. Jeno speaks quietly, barely above a whisper, just for you to hear before the wind scatters his words.
“I believe in you.”
When Jeno leaves, you choose to sit there for a little longer. You are alone, but you no longer feel lonely.
The right person at the wrong time, when someone is ready and someone is not, when you both fall in love a little too hard, a little too fast, and a little too soon, it is still love, is it not? For him, it is love. For you, it is love. Yet sometimes, love on its own isn’t always enough for someone to stay. It slips through your fingers like sand in an hourglass. You can try to pick it up over and over again, but it becomes a relentless cycle of the grains of glass escaping between your desperate grasps, akin to two hands of a clock chasing each other round and round.
In another lifetime, in another universe, where another you and another him exists, perhaps they are in love. In someplace where there was never any fear, never any hurt, never any doubt, never any hesitation, there may be a you and a him who fall in love and stay in love. You hope that’s true. You hope that there’s a happily ever after for you and him somewhere out there—that there’s a time where both of you are ready. It might not be now, it might not be here, but you hope there was, there is, there will be.
In this moment, there is love. There is love, but it is breaking both of your hearts. There is love, but it is time to let go.
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xiv. where flowers bloom, so does hope.
Time is the universe’s greatest healer.
Time allows for you to discover things about yourself that you found difficult to acknowledge in the past, allows for you to examine the mistakes you made, allows for you to grow and flourish as you learn to love these imperfections. You learn to shed the facade you've been cowering behind and become comfortable in your own skin. You create your own fire, instead of relying on another person’s warmth every night. Trials and tribulations dot your personal journey, but you are not alone in carrying the weight any longer as you allow your friends into the garden you painstakingly nurture. They plant seeds that take the place of what was lost and rebuild the broken fence with the addition of a gate, and you join them, sowing some of your own and tending to these flowers until they bloom into something ethereal and beautiful.
Time teaches you how to care for and love yourself, rather than simply exist in this body of yours. Time extends a hand to you, pulling you forward, when you feel yourself slipping back into the steep ways of the past. Time pieces together the broken fragments and glues them back together, making them stronger, making them wiser, making them braver, making them whole, making hearts that are ready to love once more.
Fiddling with the familiar breakfast charm dangling from your phone, you sit on the bench beneath the blooming wisteria vines, gazing at the magnolia tree with all its pretty flowers nearby. The petals all sway in the light breeze, and you admire the pinpricks of sunlight filtering through in between the shade.
“Hey, sorry, I’m late, Professor Chung returned our midterms today, and I stayed back to ask a few questions,” Jaemin says breathlessly, appearing by your side. You smile at him, standing up from your seat and slinging your bag over your shoulder.
“No worries, I was enjoying the view here anyway.” Shoving your phone in your pocket, you take notice of his reddened cheeks, and the corners of your lips quirk into another smile: a teasing one this time. “Did you run here?”
“Well, yeah, I didn’t want to make you wait,” he sheepishly admits, flushing slightly. “Do you wanna drop off your bag at your place before we go?”
“Nah, it’s alright, that’s out of the way, and I’m fine with carrying it.” The two of you start the walk towards your beloved drink shop. Jaemin hesitates before tentatively saying, “My place is on the way. We can drop off our stuff there, but…”
You catch the lingering tone and insinuation as he trails off, and your heart softens when you realize his consideration. Jaemin gnaws on the inside of his cheek, mistaking your silence as his blunder, but then you smile at him, nodding in agreement.
“That’d be great! Is Jeno there? I wanna ask him how his second date went. He seemed really nervous about it, but I really think they’re good together.”
“Wait,” Jaemin chokes, eyes widening as your words finally register in his brain, and he halts. “You know Jeno’s going out with Sei?”
“Of course I know. He’s been texting me for help this entire time.” You pause and turn back when you realize Jaemin is no longer walking side by side with you. “What’s wrong?”
“I just— you and Jeno, I thought—” he splutters, all thoughts flying out of his mind in a whirlwind, before he places his hands on your shoulders, peering into your eyes intently. “Wait, are you okay? How are you feeling? If you want to go print out pictures of Jeno and rip them up, that’s completely valid, and I support you, even if he’s my best friend.”
You laugh at that last sentence before you gently place your hands on top of his, squeezing them lightly. “I’m fine, Jaemin, really. It’s been over three months. Sometimes, things just don’t work out, but we’re both in a better place right now. Even if it means our feelings aren’t the same anymore.”
“But he still sends me cat pics, so that’s all that really matters anyway.” You add on as an afterthought with a small chuckle. Jaemin still searches your eyes for any underlying meaning, but this time, he finds none. Your eyes shine bright, and you give him a reassuring look. He lets go of you with a relieved sigh, resuming the walk with you by his side.
“So does this mean you might want to venture into the scary dating world, too? Find someone to grow old with and have a white picket fence house and three dogs with?” he says jokingly, hoping you don’t pick up the way his heart starts beating faster once the question slips from his mouth.
“Yeah, I do.”
Your honest response catches him off guard, and Jaemin almost stops in his tracks for a second time today, but he catches himself as his breath hitches in his throat.
“Oh? You found someone? Do I know them?” He clears his throat, and you hide a smile.
“You do know them very well actually.”
His heart stutters in his chest, but he steadies his voice. “Ah, is it Renjun? I know you said you had classes with him. Art, right? Or maybe Yukhei? You called him cute before. Or that dude in your finance class, Sungchan? What about—”
“Jaemin,” you cut him off gently before he shakes his head, babbling on, “No, let me guess! Is it that grad student, Eunwoo? Or your TA, Jungko—”
“Jaemin,” you interrupt him again, much more firmly this time, but he still pays no attention, rambling on until you grab his hand. Almost immediately, he shuts up, freezing up on the spot as his eyes zero in on your fingers wrapped around his.
“You’re holding my hand.” His voice is barely above a whisper as he stares at your interlocked hands in awe. His head whips up to look at you, eyes filled with childlike wonder. “Why are you holding my hand?”
“Because…” You hesitate, your heart seizing up in your chest. Standing here on the line between love and friendship, you tremble. Fright and courage both run in your veins, and your first instinct may be to run, but your second instinct is to stay. Your final instinct is to take the leap. You’re not quite ready to take the big jump this time. For now, it’s a small one, but you take it.
“Because I like you.”
His heart stutters in his chest, and Jaemin’s eyes grow wide, jaw becoming slack. “You like me? As in like-like me?”
“I like-like you. A lot.” You give him a timid smile. “I think I've always liked you, maybe since freshman year, but it took me this long to figure it out. But Jaemin, I really, really like you.”
He’s speechless, and you bite your bottom lip as you wait for him to respond. The bundle of nerves grows in your stomach until you can’t keep quiet anymore, piping up nervously, “So, um, will you go on a date with me?”
“Yes,” he breathes out. His eyes search yours, and it seems like he found his answer. Heart pounding in his chest, Jaemin laughs a little breathlessly in disbelief, replaying your confession in his head over and over again. You like him. You like him back. He wants to shout it from the rooftops and wear his heart on his sleeve, shirt, pants, heck, even his socks, just simply everywhere.
“So… does this mean I can take you on dates and hold your hand again and kiss you whenever I want, and you’ll call me yours?”
He fails to suppress the smile growing on his face, and your own face grows warm at his bold question, but you confirm it with a shy nod. He pulls you into his chest, unable to hold back any longer, wrapping his arms around you tightly because he finally can. You slip your arms around his neck, embracing him as you bury your face in the crook of his neck, lips quirking up into a smile of relief and happiness.
So this is how it feels to want someone and to be wanted, he muses, a foreign but welcomed feeling settling in his bones, in between the cracks of his rib cage until it blossoms around his heart like a garden in spring. This is how it feels to be yours.
And this is how it feels to be his. This is how it feels to accept love. You decide that it’s a rather pleasant feeling, one that’s not at all scary—never when it comes to Jaemin.
“Say it again please. Say you like me,” he murmurs, just to make sure he isn’t dreaming. You tilt your head up slightly to meet his gaze, reaching up and interlocking your fingers behind his neck as you proudly proclaim:
“Na Jaemin, I like you so fucking much, pancake ass and all.”
Laughing gleefully, Jaemin beams at you, eyes crinkling in the corners and positively sparkling. “You know what? Just this once, I’ll let that booty comment slide.”
“Because you know it’s true.”
“It’s not!”
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xv. breakfast at tiffany’s jaemin’s.
“This is my secret pancake recipe, and only you and I know it, so you have to guard it with your life.”
You’re standing in front of the stove, one of Jaemin’s old T-shirts draped over your figure, the long hem barely letting the borrowed pair of boxers you’re wearing peek out from underneath it. Holding the spatula in one hand and grasping the frying pan’s handle in the other, you wait patiently for the pancake to cook as Jaemin hovers around you, gripping onto the empty batter bowl.
“I solemnly swear on your pancake booty that I won’t tell a soul about your recipe. Not even Giselle, who’s been trying to bribe me with green tea Kit Kat’s and boba for the past few months.”
Letting go of the pan’s handle, you playfully swat his behind for good measure as he turns to put the bowl in the sink. Whipping back to face you, he scowls, stomping his feet childishly as he whines, “My butt is not flat! It’s small, but it’s there!”
“You’re right, I’m sorry, your butt gives Kim Kardashian a run for her money,” you concede, and he laughs loudly, satisfied with your response. Jaemin wraps his arms around you, his hand enveloping yours as he helps you expertly flick the pan to flip the pancake. Your little gasp of excitement when it lands perfectly has him breaking out into a grin, and he nuzzles his nose against your hair before resting his chin on your shoulder.
“Tomorrow morning, I’m cashing in on that waffles offer you gave me. And I expect the full culinary experience. I’m talking about having your hand on my hand and helping me whisk the batter and crack eggs, and you have to kiss me all the time because my apron says so.”
You burst out laughing, and he sulks for a moment until you finally agree. This is the happiest you have ever felt. You turn your face slightly to look at him, eyes gleaming like all the stars from that fated night, and Jaemin smiles back at you, leaning over to press his lips against yours tenderly. Your heart beats faster than ever and louder than ever, but you aren’t as scared as you were six months ago.
Falling in love isn’t as terrifying as you thought anymore. Not when you’re not alone. Not when someone is there to catch you. Not when it’s with Jaemin. After all this time, he’s still the one who believes in you, the one who patiently waited, the one who selflessly stayed, the one who fiercely loves. With him, you never had to pretend. He’s seen you at your lowest and your highest, your best and your worst, the good and the bad. You’ve bared every single ugly, vulnerable side of yours to him.
And yet, he chose to stay. He stayed from the beginning, and he’ll stay until the end. He chose to love you. He chose you. There are over seven billion people on earth, and you know that they don’t all have to want you, to love you, but you managed to find someone who does. You found someone who wants you, someone who loves you: someone you love in return.
Love is not a feeling; love is a choice. Feelings are fleeting and ever-changing, but you will always choose Jaemin. Because that’s love. It is choosing to push through the adversaries and hardships together, rather than taking the easier route and walking away. It is choosing each other yesterday, today, tomorrow, and for all the days of your lives. It is choosing to stay. It is choosing to try.
And everyday, you want to try for him and for you. Because that’s what you do when you love someone—whether it be yourself or someone else. You try everyday to become a better person: to become someone who loves and is loved. It’s a long journey ahead, but he believes in you. You believe in you. And one day, you’ll be ready to say those three little words to him.
But for now, for you and for him, this is enough.
The green light at the end of the road, the anchor in the middle of a hurricane, the glimmer of hope that bursts into bright flames, you are no longer afraid. He makes you feel safe, invincible, and even if nothing else is certain and the world is ending, you know you’ll be okay with him by your side. Because you’ve found your way home.
Home. They say that is where the heart is, and you’ve given yours entirely to Jaemin. You feel at home when you’re with him, and that thought alone makes flowers bloom in your chest.
So this is how it feels.
So this is love.
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Y/N’s unofficial guide on how to be the best girlfriend:
1. have fun. 2. never forget to cuddle when you stay the night. 3. kisses in exchange for pancakes is always a good deal. 4. hook up with your boyfriend once (and many more times afterwards, but who’s counting?). 5. fall in love with a boy named Na Jaemin.
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author’s note :: this is the true ending i had in mind, but for an alternate ending: pussy (un)blocked, please go back to where flowers bloom ♡
4K notes · View notes
neo-shitty · 7 days ago
lurk — j.jh
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prompt. “last thing that we should do is go slow.” — lurk, the neighbourhood
pairings. jung jaehyun x female reader
genre. smut, pwp, fwb!au (minors please do not interact)
warnings. *clears throat* jealous soft dom!jaehyun x brat-ish reader, making out, dirty talk, breast/nipple play, fingering, hair-pulling, public sex, clothed sex, praise kink, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, the world is overpopulated), aftercare :)
word count. 4.3k
notes. the amount of feedback the teaser for this received really knocked the wind out of my lungs. thank you! 
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Often you wondered how you were never worried that the decisions you made landed you in more bad situations than good ones. You had an addiction to the thrills in life; an irresistible urge to dance with danger and when it came waltzing into your life in the form of Jung Jaehyun, you knew you didn’t have it in you to say no.
What little control you had over your impulses was snagged away from your loose crutch. Suddenly, you were controllable, in the vaguest sense possible. Jaehyun knew which strings to pull to trigger you, merely preying on your tunnel-vision for risk to have you do things in his bidding.
The change was unnoticeable and when the realization hit, you were already in too deep and it was far too late. Your false sense of control was forged upon a series of traps laid out by him, revolving around an external central point. You knew just as much as he did that you were wrapped around his finger — a lot more than you wanted to admit.  
Maybe your lack of resistance for the boy would lead to your inevitable demise someday, and maybe that day was closer than you thought. A million maybes crossed your mind when you brushed paths with him, about enough to make you wonder if there was ever any certainty whenever it came to Jaehyun.
It was how the escapades started; luring you in with the idea of being caught red-handed and you taking the bait every single time. Today wasn’t any different than the other times.
There was no better way to satiate your thirst than having it tied with risk and Jaehyun knew that better than anyone else. The deal you struck together was built on mutual desire and equal benefit, easy. Except he always chose the worst possible times.
Today, you were seated with your friends by the bleachers one second, cheering on your schoolmates as they played the field against the students from Busan, and in the next you weren’t. You had an iron grip on your arm, whisking you away from your place on the stands back into the direction of the main building. The hallways of the Institute were empty as they always were when you crossed them with Jaehyun, but they were more quiet today. Everyone was at the field, witnessing the game that would culminate this year’s Goodwill games between the two sister schools. 
“We’re missing the games, Jaehyun.”
Your voice echoed as you both slipped into the familiar enclosure of the third floor comfort room, shutting the heavy wooden door behind you. The school never bothered renovating much; so long as things were functional there was no need to have them replaced. The tiled walls screamed age, the marble surface lacking the luster it once had years ago. The mirror was littered with rust stains that looked like blood stains if you didn’t know better, irremovable, annoying. Stupid stingy admins, you thought, always spending money on the wrong things. It made you think of the many generations of sorcerers that graced the very same halls you perused now. And you wondered just how much filth these walls have been witness to since then.
It was quiet here, two floors up and away from all the festivities. You could hear someone commentating the game through the speakers but their voice was faint, blocked by the layers of walls between the open field. 
Jaehyun guides you into an empty stall, following you in after he’d made sure that no one else was around. He slips the lock shut behind him and only then does he pay attention to you. 
You caught him off guard. A quick levelled shove sent him backward, stumbling until his back hit the stall door with a heavy thud. The hinges creaked under his weight but the lock engaged and the door remained shut; the only one of all 8 stalls that didn’t swing open under pressure. You both learned that the hard way.
“What happened to staying quiet?” Jaehyun asked, staring down at you. Even with him pinned to the door, he was oozing with dominance and towering a few inches above you. When you looked up, you wanted nothing more than to wipe the stupid smirk off his face. 
But inside the stall, you were nothing but prey playing predator only because the latter let you. He was only cornered because he allowed it — because he was amused by it. You could see it in the glint behind his eyes. It wouldn’t take much for him to turn the tables around and you knew it.
Jaehyun was patient most of the time, but never during times like this. He leans down, capturing your lips before you could say anything — needy, hungry. It made the pit of your stomach come to life, a kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttering about and tickling your insides. 
His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer as you hooked your arms behind his neck. He pressed down on you harder in an attempt to deepen the kiss and you swear you taste your own blood on your tongue, chapped lips torn by the intensity.
You broke away to catch your breath. “You couldn’t have picked a better time to drag me here.” 
“Why?” Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow. “Did I interrupt you and your perfect little friends?”
The change in his tone goes unnoticed, clouded by your eagerness to feel his lips on yours again. You catch a quiff of the muskiness of his cologne, inhaling the mix of mint and smoke embedded on his skin. Jaehyun was intoxicating, the very embodiment of everything you were warned to stay away from. But you were never one to abide by their rules anyway. If they ever wanted you to steer clear of the boy, they should’ve told you to stay close to him instead and you’d probably end up doing the opposite just to spite them. 
The administration folk were old, close to dying at best, but to see they were wiser just because of age would be an overstatement. Their judgments have never modified with the twisting tides of time. The tactics to sneak around them and their laws have existed for generations, either they were oblivious or being ignorant. But it was loopholes in the system that allowed for moments like these. If you were caught red-handed, what rules could they punish you from?
Then you remembered. The thought came crashing into your mind, enough to knock you out of your daze. You pushed yourself away from Jaehyun, gasping. “The cameras outside. They’d see us coming in.”
Jaehyun held your gaze but didn’t mirror your worry. “You’re worried about that? How cute. What happened to my fearless little girl?” A deep warm chuckle escaped his lips before he pressed a light kiss on your nose. He ran a hand down your spine, resting on the small of your back as he gently pulled you closer to him while the other trailed down your frame, tugging on the pleats of your skirt. 
You felt his breath fan your ear.  “Know someone else who’ll be coming today?”
He watched your pupil dilate when he gripped your ass, massaging it until you were pressed flush against him. Your eyes went frantic for a moment, staring everywhere else just to avoid the heaviness of his gaze. His fingers traced circles on your skin, spreading tingles rippling across your skin as he moved to your thigh. 
Your thighs close on impulse, but Jaehyun had his leg slotted between — keeping yours apart for his hand to explore. He pressed his palm against your clothed heat, the moment of contact eliciting a pathetic whimper from you. There was little to no pressure in his touch; he was merely running his hand over the fabric, ignoring the stain and the throbbing that ensued beneath.
“Jaehyun,” you breathed, arousal pooling with every brush of his finger. 
“What’s with you denying me in front of your friends? Does getting involved with me ruin your reputation so much?” His voice was serious, pulling you out of your stall-sized utopia. 
You gave him a glance as you shook your head, “No, it’s just—”
“Just what?” He asked and your mind reeled to come up with a coherent answer. “You think that blonde’s better than I am?”
His words hung in the air, allowing you a moment to piece one detail with another. You remembered your proximity with Johnny earlier, the stubborn blonde who loved orbiting around you — mainly to brag about his riches you didn’t give a fuck about. There was nothing going on between you and him. Not in your eyes, anyway. 
Jaehyun was stoic, narrow eyes fixated as you came up with an answer. Jealousy, you wanted to assume. But when had he ever thought of you beyond a play thing he could use when he felt like it. As far as you knew, you were free for all. 
Your fear receded, replaced with an urge to spite him.
“What if he is?” you replied, a smirk tugging at your lips as you looked up to him.
If Jaehyun was hurt by it, he didn’t show it. He retracted his hand, the sudden loss of contact leaving you yearning for more. “Why don’t you go tell Johnny to get the job done?”
It took you a moment to recover when he pushed you off him. You stumble backward, the back of your legs hitting the edge of the toilet. 
“Relax, I was kidding.” You said teasingly, grabbing hold of his arm before he could reach for the door’s latch. 
He swatted your hand away with ease. “Sure you were.”
You sighed, exasperated. “Jaehyun.”
But you were cut off when his hand cupped your mouth, muffling your voice. You staggered backwards, your back hitting the tiled wall of the bathroom stall. You thank the school for making their stall separators cemented walls instead of the regular ones you saw in public establishments. You were small in comparison to Jaehyun; your position put you in place. His eyes were elsewhere, staring at the top of the cubicle as if something was going to jump out any moment now.
Then you heard the voices. They weren’t coming from inside the women's comfort room but from the other side of the wall — from the men’s comfort room. You sighed, in relief this time, but Jaehyun kept his hand over your mouth. If their voices could be heard from here, then they could very much hear you from there if you spoke loud enough. Even with the knowledge of them being further away than you expected, you could still hear your heart pounding in your ear. It was the thrill you always came for, the excitement riling you up further than you already were. 
The boys didn’t take long, their voices eventually fading into the distance as they left. 
You grabbed Jaehyun’s arm, lifting his hand off your face and snagging his attention back in the process. You took hold of his hand, guiding it to your chest — giving your own breast a squeeze through his palm. “Have I ever mentioned that you’re 10 times hotter when you’re jealous?”
Jaehyun stared at you for a moment, scoffing when the realization kicked in. He fell right into the trap you put up. “Was that your goal all along?” He asked, but he never gave you the opportunity to reply.
His lips crashed into yours, relentless in his assault. His hands weaved through the buttons of your uniform, undoing them as he went, until he had access to the skin beneath. The contact made your whole body heat up, your folds drenched and your underwear moist. 
He took the moment to grope your breast, kneading it in his hand before pinching your nipple between two fingers. You squirmed, the sensitivity sending a jolt through your system, and it sent you moaning into the kiss. He slipped his tongue into your opened mouth, lapping against your own tongue as he explored every crevice of your tongue. He left your top unbuttoned, flaps of your uniform open to give him a view to die for.
Jaehyun left your lips to trail kisses down your jaw, nibbling and sucking on the places he’d been, until he settled on your neck. His hands trailed their way down again, hiking up your skirt as they did earlier. He slipped a hand between your thighs, rubbing you through the thin fabric. Your arousal leaks, minutes of pent up teasing becoming too hard to bear.
He pulled your underwear aside, a string of your arousal clinging to the inner cloth. Putting some distance between the both of you, he pulled away from your neck. You were too lost to notice — or if you did, you chose not to show it. Your jaw goes slack and you breathed out a moan as his fingers swiped your folds, brushing the sensitive bundle of nerves as he went. He could feel you quivering, legs shaking as he rubbed slow circles against it.
“You like seeing me jealous this much?” Jaehyun teased, but you were too lost in pleasure to utter a coherent answer so you settled for a nod. “Is that so?”
He pushed a finger in, the sting of the intrusion making you wince. Your walls sucked it in, tight as you always had been, until his finger was buried to the hilt. He slowly pulled it back, dragging along your walls and sending jolts pulsating through your system. Your mouth hung open, eyes shut, breathing sporadic. He slotted another finger in, planting kisses on your forehead as he scissored them inside you. 
Your breathing hitched as he stretched you out but the pain was overcome with pleasure. Every time he buried his fingers in, you urged him to go deeper. Jaehyun’s habit of slowly pulling out to thrust back in was maddening but you never asked him to stop. He picked up the pace; fingers thrusting faster and soaked with your arousal, the squelching sound bouncing off the walls of the stall.
“Jaehyun, please,” you whispered, catching his eye when he pulled away from peppering you with kisses.
Through the blur of your eyesight, you thought he was nodding. 
Jaehyun smiled, you could make out that much. “Look at you begging like you deserve it.” His words made your face burn with embarrassment. You felt more pathetic than you looked. “Do you deserve it?”
You didn’t answer, but your lips were parted solely to level your breathing. 
“Words, baby,” Jaehyun demanded, slowly pulling his fingers out of you..
You reached up to grab his arm, grip tightening as rubbed circles on your nerves. “No,” you croaked, “No, I don’t but—”
“But what?”
When your eyes fluttered open, he was staring down at you — eyes clouded with lust beneath his hooded eyelids. “Please,” you pleaded. “I need you.”
It was almost impossible for him to resist smiling. No matter how many times he witnessed you in a state that was seemingly exclusive to him, he never got used to it. You, someone the higher ups feared to be uncontrollable, folding under his influence. 
Jaehyun drew his hand back, the lack of contact once again eliciting a reaction from you. He tilted his head, “Turn around and bend over.”
You followed. He undid his belt, tugging his zipper down along with his boxers. He was riled up alright, he wondered how he’d managed to keep it in for so long; even having it in him to ‘walk away’ when he clearly had a growing problem in his pants. Substance leaked out of the slit, coating the mushroom tip in a crown of white. 
You were already bent over, the pleats of your skirt resting on your back giving him a clear view of your ass and glistening folds. He swiped his fingers through your folds again, tucking your underwear to the side while his other hand stroked his shaft. 
He brushed you with his tip, dipping into your hole only to pull back out coat himself with the arousal between your folds.
“For the love of God, can you get on wi—”
You never got to finish your sentence as he pushed himself in, the rest of your words were lost to a moan. A groan rumbled up his throat, the tightness familiar but still overwhelming. You fell quiet as he buried himself in, mouth hanging open and breathless.
“You were saying?” Jaehyun asked between breaths. You didn’t answer, too busy adjusting to his girth. 
Your heartbeat hammered in your ear, pounding long before Jaehyun did. The intrusion wasn’t new, but it still took you a while to get used to the stretch. Jaehyun slowly pushed himself in, the entirety of his shaft splitting you in half. He thrusted, surging you forward as he buried himself as deep as he could. It knocked the air out of your lungs, you could feel the lightheadedness settling in.
Then he pulled out without warning, slowly as he always did. Your walls tightened with his retreat, only to be torn back open when he thrusted back in. He dragged it out just as long as he did with his fingers, easing you onto his cock before kicking it up a notch. His hands were on your waist, massaging your sides to comfort you but also using it as leverage when thrusting back into you. 
The thrusts racked through your system but it did nothing to bring you closer to your release — it still felt far away, still out of reach. And you were getting impatient.
“Any plans to go faster?” you asked and it sounded hilarious coming from someone who was already breathless.
“Not really,” Jaehyun answered and you looked back at him, glaring.
But before you could rebut with a snarky response, he thrusted back into you, knocking your own breath out of you. He started picking up the pace, making you hiss as he brushed against your walls. Teeth gritted, nearly breathless — the lack of oxygen in your system was only adding up to the build up. Finally, you could feel your release drawing closer with every thrust, with every bead of sweat that trickled down the side of your face. 
Jaehyun's fingers tangled into your hair, tugging your head and arching your back in an angle that allowed him to reach new depths.
“Fuck, Jaehyun,” you said through gritted teeth.
You were too lost in your chase for your orgasm that you were late to hear the footsteps echoing down the hall leading to the comfort room. The hard wooden door swung open, creaking loud enough to snap you out of your haze. You stilled, frozen until Jaehyun pulled you up. 
You stood in silence, back pressed against Jaehyun’s chest, as the sound of footsteps reverberated across the room. You could feel him throbbing inside you, in sync with the pulsing of your heartbeat. His hand clasped over your mouth again as other voices spoke over each other outside the walls. You could only pray they didn’t hear anything before they came in. Upon eavesdropping on their conversation, they didn’t seem to be bothered by anything. They went on and talked about the results of the quarters, giggling and laughing as they paced, oblivious of what had been ensuing before they came.
Behind you, Jaehyun shifted, pulling out before slowly thrusting back in. You turned your head, looking him dead in the eye — only to stare back into eyes that showed no fear, clouded by lust and glinting with the risk that came with it. Your breath hitched with every push, a tear occasionally dripping down your face as you bit back the urge to moan out loud. You clung onto the arm that kept you quiet; one hand digging nails into his flesh as he thrusted, the other resting on top of his hand as if two hands muffling your mouth would stop them from hearing your moans.
A knock on the door made you freeze, even Jaehyun. It was light, barely audible through the volume of your own heartbeat in your ear. The person on the other side tried the door, tugging on the handle but the door remained closed. 
You tugged down on Jaehyun’s hand, glancing at him to trust you. You mustered the most normal voice you could, as normal as someone with a cock buried deep within her could manage anyway.
“Stall’s occupied,” you said, thanking the heavens that your voice didn’t crack nor quiver under pressure.
You heard the other person back away. “Oh shit, sorry! Told you it was occupied. Come on, hold the door closed for me.”
They left you alone after but they didn’t leave as soon as the boys did earlier. Every second they spent there was agonizing for you. Your long dragged out release was making your head woozy, the occasional pulsing from Jaehyun didn’t help your case either. The only sound from the both of you was the heaviness of your own breaths, easily drowned out by the chatter outside the stall. Jaehyun pressed lazy kisses on your face and neck, feeling you tremble against him — eager for him to move faster but terrified of letting a moan out. 
It felt like forever passed before the voices started filling out one by one. You could hear them bidding goodbyes at each other, the room quieting as they left. If you weren’t mistaken, you even heard one shut the door behind them. Finally, silence again. 
Jaehyun loosened his grip on you, leaning forward to press a kiss against your lips. “Good girl,” he cooed. “Where were we?”
He pulled out of you, turning you around so you were facing him — back pressed against the wall again. He parted your legs easily, his own release long drawn out for him to wait any longer. Next thing you knew, he was back inside you and your moans were drowned out by his kisses. He hooked an arm beneath your thigh, raising one of your legs to hit you at a better angle. You clung to him for strength, losing trust on your legs to hold you up. 
Jaehyun kept his lips glued to yours, thrusts coming faster in pursuit of his release. His thumb slips beneath your skirt, simulating your swollen nub. You broke away from him, head leaning against the cold tiled wall as you caught your breath. Black spots began to cloud your vision and your mouth hung open with every moan and breath. Your words don’t come, but you do.
“Go on, baby.” Jaehyun muttered through jagged breaths but you were already on the edge, your releasing rolling through your body with tremendous force. The leg that kept you rooted trembled violently as it washed through your whole system. 
Jaehyun doesn’t relent, fucking you in the same pace until he was on the edge of his own release. His thrusts went sloppy, panting heavily as he pushed himself to the final lap. He emptied his load inside you, smearing your walls with strings of his hot release before mixing with your own. You breathed out of sync, equally breathless and fucked out beyond what you thought was possible. 
He pulled out a few thrusts later, setting your leg back down, and with the emptiness came the sore aftermath of getting fucked senseless; your thighs cramping up and your lower abdomen contracting on nothing. You feel the mix of releases leak out of you, tugged by gravity as it down your inner thigh. 
It doesn’t escape Jaehyun’s eye, it never did. He ran a finger up your thigh, collecting the dripping substance before pushing it back inside you, making you wince — sore from the overstimulation.
“I need to sit down,” you said between breaths. Jaehyun stepped aside and you crawled to the shut toilet, fixing your underwear and your skirt before sitting on top. If you spent a second longer standing up, your legs would’ve given way. You sat in silence, waiting for the sensation to return to your legs and for your ears to stop ringing. 
Jaehyun plucked toilet paper out of the holder embedded into the wall of the stall, wiping his fingers clean before chucking the paper into the bin beside the bowl. He leaned back against the locked door, running a hand through his slightly disheveled hair. When you caught each other’s eye, still breathless, you burst out laughing.
He walked up to you, plucking a few other papers out of the roll. He folded them neatly to form a paper handkerchief, tapping on the beads of sweat prickling your forehead. You snagged it out of his hand, taking it upon yourself to clean yourself up. You felt nasty still, and you couldn’t wait to get back to the dorms and clean yourself.
“I know why I keep coming back to this cramped up space of a stall. It gets better every time,” he said before turning his back on you.
Jaehyun patted his pockets down in search of something, fishing it out moments later when he found it. He scanned the door in search of the tally. The admin never bothered repainting the doors no matter how bad the vandalism got, so you never worried about reinstating the tally. Even if they did repaint it, the depressions on the surface would be easy to trace. Jaehyun fetched the blade, carving another line beside the last one, marking the twelfth time you found yourselves inside the stall satiating each other’s irresistible bodily urges. 
“Think this would be the last time before we graduate?” you asked, reaching up to ask for a hand from Jaehyun. He tugged you up, legs still wobbly but not as bad as earlier.
Jaehyun shrugged, “I don’t know. Do you want it to be?” 
He glanced at you, and the smirk tugging on the corner of your lips was answer enough. You never said no to danger.
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© neo-shitty, 2021
688 notes · View notes
neochan · a month ago
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PAIRING | dom!haechan x fem!reader
WC | 1.030k
WARNINGS | finger sucking, thigh slapping, slight degradation, oral fem receiving, hyuck being mean
SONG | masquerade - siouxxie
A.N | better late than never, right? anyways, enjoy day 1 of kinktober <3
He looks up from between your legs, brown eyes dark and hooded with lust. A mix of your essence and his spit dripped from his swollen lips, staining the sheets below you.
“Don’t stop!” You protest, throwing your head back against the pillow.
You hear him chuckle low under his breath, “Aw, does my pretty baby want more?”
One of his fingers teasingly circles your sensitive bud eliciting a small whimper from you, “Fuck, Haechan, please.”
A small thwack resonates through the room as a small sting spreads on your inner thigh, “I asked you a question.”
“Yes, yes, yes. I want more. Please!” You roll your hips forward trying to gain friction against his singular finger, but he grabs your hip with one hand and pushes you down against the mattress.
“It’s only my fingers Y/N,” he coos, “I haven’t even given you my cock yet and you’re already acting like you can’t think straight.”
You aren’t looking at him, but you can still hear the smile in his voice, the smirk on his tongue, the power he has over you evident in the grip he had on your hip. Without warning he slams his fingers back into you, setting off the fire burning in your lower abdomen.
“Fuck!” you cry out, lifting your head to watch him.
He looks up at you through his dark lashes, “You hear that?” It was almost vulgar the way his fingers disappeared between your thighs, and the squelch they made as they entered you again and again, “I bet everyone in the dorms can hear how fucking wet you are for me right now.”
Your cheeks burn with embarrassment, but his words made the heat in your stomach grow.
“You wanna cum? Hm?” His nose scrunches in concentration as he slows his fingers, drawing them out slower and slower as the seconds pass by.
Keeping his hand between your legs, he gets on his knees and leans over you, the necklace around his throat swinging overtop your face, brushing your nose. “It seems as if you can’t answer any of my fucking questions.”
He takes his fingers out and rubs them up your slit. It felt good, but it wasn’t satisfying enough, so you whimper, looking up at him.
“You think because you look at me like that, I’ll go easy on you?” He laughs coldly before raising his hand and grabbing your jaw, “You’re just a slut. Now open.” His hand squeezes around your jaw, forcing you to part your lips.
You feel his finger leave the spot between your thighs and find home between your lips. He eases them in slowly, relaxing his other hand so you could close your lips around them.
He breaks out in a smile when he feels your warm tongue swirl around his fingers, your lips sucking harshly. “You’re so fucking filthy.” Haechan moans, hips stuttering into you. He wishes his cock could replace his fingers, but tonight was about taking care of you, not him.
Tasting yourself on his fingers was nothing new, but there was something different about the way he looked at you this time. Like you were the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and the sight before him was almost too much to handle. It was fucking hot if you were being honest.
You moan against his fingers as he pushes them deeper until they hit the back of your throat, gagging you around him. “Fuck.” He whines, voice breathy. His brows shoot up when he drags his eyes from your lips to yours and see’s tears pooling in them.
“Is my pretty baby gonna cry?” he mocks, shoving his fingers deeper down your throat, “If you can’t take my fingers, then you don’t deserve my cock, now do you?”
Each time you gagged around his digits, you felt his hips buck into you. “Mff” you whimper, the sound muffled.
You were becoming lightheaded, so you tap Haechans side, and he understands immediately, taking his fingers out with a wet pop.
You choke on air, trying to fill your burning lungs. Spit was smeared around your cheeks and chin, but you didn’t care. You just wanted Haechans hands to continue fucking you.
“Please, I need you.” You get out, mind dizzy with lack of oxygen.
Before you can form another word, two of Haechans fingers are pushing inside of you, easier now that they were coated in your spit. You feel him lean down, attaching his mouth onto you and sucking harshly on your clit.
With a glace, you see his puffy lips working away. He hums against you, sending vibration through you. The burn in the pit of your stomach came back, growing faster now that you could hear how much Haechan loved finger fucking you.
And it was true, he loved it so fucking much. His little moans and whimpers against you, and the way his hips subconsciously bucked into the mattress proved it.
“I – shit. I’m so close. Please, please.” Your incoherent babbling didn’t fall on deaf ears.
He angles his fingers so that they were hitting your g-spot, “You wanna cum?
“Mhm.” You cry out, rolling your hips with each thrust of his fingers.
“Alright baby. Cum for me.” He smirks in the middle of his sentence, and you swear it’s what set you over the edge. The tension in your stomach snapped, throwing you into pure bliss. You couldn’t form words, only vague curses mixed in with his name left your mouth.
When he takes his fingers out of you, a long string of arousal followed. His eyes flicked between yours and his coated fingers, like he couldn’t decided whether he wanted to put them back in your mouth and watch you suck them off or put them in his own.
He sits there for a quick second, silently debating in his head, but eventually lifts them to his lips. He hesitates for a second before shoving them in his mouth. You watch his eyes close slowly, a gentle hum sounding from him.
A loud smack follows his fingers leaving his mouth and he laughs, “you taste really good.”
“Shut up and kiss me, you fool.”
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theje0ngs · a month ago
JJH | “til the end”
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SUMMARY | because it was you, jaehyun, dasom and other future kids you will have, ‘til the end.
PAIRING/CHARACTERS | jaehyun x fem reader
GENRE/CATEGORY | slight angst, fluff, marriage!au, non-idol!au
WORD COUNT | 2.9k [~10 mins]
CONTENT WARNINGS | profanity, mentions pregnancy, mentions blood & other body fluids (EEECKKK), mentions child birth
GELA SAYS | ah yes, finally... i’m done !! it took me awhile bc of my injured hand but here you go, as promised to the 50/50 results of the poll. i hope you guys would love this one & i tried my best to end it on a good and happy ending (yall fighting me for making yall cry skksks) thank u so much for all the feedbacks ! i love reading them <3 
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eight weeks have passed since you came home from mark’s wedding. you and jaehyun meet up from time to time. 
your schedule has changed so much, driving from seoul to busan to meet with your clients, endless meetings, attending trials and of course, designing the last-minute dresses. aside from fall and winter clothing, allure has collaborated with luxe and lace - a bridal dress company that happens to be your mom’s best friend’s business. you were a bit uncertain with the plan, but, hey, it was a nice opportunity and besides, it was only for this year’s fashion show. on your calendar placed next to your laptop, had two blue ink circles. one being the first day of the fashion week, the other was the day of your period which was three days ago.
shit. you thought, your mouth was slightly opened as your stare at the circled date. it was so unlikely to happen - you were never late when it comes to your menstruation. you buzzed your secretary, and a few seconds later she came inside of your office. you had asked her a ‘no-questions-asked’ favor which she agreed to and headed off to buy you some pregnancy tests at the pharmacy across the street, and as soon as she came back, you rushed to the bathroom inside your office.
you took three tests and had to wait 10 minutes: 10 minutes of overthinking. if it comes out negative, then the divorce will be done as planned. if it’s positive then… you’re fucked. as you wait, you walk back and forth inside the small room, did you forget to take your pill that night? you usually take them every night at 7 p.m., and you must’ve been so drunk that you forgot about it.
“well, let’s just see what my fate is.” you said, opening one eye as you flip the three sticks. positive. all of them.
you are indeed fucked; how are you supposed to tell this to your parents? most importantly, how are you going to break this news to jaehyun? what if he doesn’t want this anymore? he did sign the divorce papers on the last day. what if you had another miscarriage again? history repeats itself, doesn’t it? are you even ready to be a mom? you probably bit your lower lip too strong that you started tasting blood. you shook your head, storming out of the bathroom to grab your belongings and shoved the tests inside your bag. 
it was a busy day inside allure, and as you walked out of your office, you had a lot of people calling after you. at that point, you were ignoring them. you had to be with jaehyun, you had to tell him - after all, it was also his baby. his decision matters (which was ironic because you decided to file for a divorce without acknowledging his opinion), he was also responsible for this baby’s life. 
when you arrived at zetta tech’s headquarters, the receptionist did not bother calling for your name anymore after your first encounter over two months ago. you hurriedly rode the elevator with most of the employees and pressed the button for the 23rd floor.
“y/n, what are you doing here?” hanbyul asked with a shocked expression on her face.
“i- i need to talk to jaehyun, is he around?”
“mhmm, he’s at the conference room as of the moment but i’m pretty sure his meeting with the new client will be done in a few minutes.”
you nodded your head and sat on the ottoman in front of her cubicle, catching your breath. 
you wondered what jaehyun’s reaction would be. happy? well, he probably will be happy because he did want to fix your marriage. but you were a nervous wreck. usually, you weren’t like this - you were a tough boss, a tough one to please but whenever it came to jaehyun, you’re like a lost puppy. you were weak. the moment you heard the doors of the conference room open, you stood up hurriedly. a bunch of people in suits walked out of the room, and one man stood there frozen. you walked towards his direction, greeting a few people as they walked past you.
“jaehyun, can we talk?” you asked, “i-is this a good time? because this is very serious and i need your opinion about it.”
“wow, you need my opinion? that’s new.” he laughed, “i have a lot on my plate, y/n. can we just let this slip today and talk about it during the next court hearing?”
ouch. that actually hurt. jaehyun walked past you as well, his hands were buried in his pockets as he entered his office. this has to end today. you thought, turning around and followed him inside.
“jaehyun, this is really important. if it isn’t, i probably would’ve sent my secretary here instead of me-”
“not now, y/n.”
“yes, now, jaehyun!” you shout, causing him to flinch by your sudden rise of noise.
he pinched the skin in between his eyebrows and groaned, “y/n, i’m doing something really important here-”
“jaehyun, i’m pregnant.” you interject, “you- you got me pregnant.”
silence surrounds the room as jaehyun looks at you, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth slightly agape. it was so clear that he was confused, “i thought you were on the pill, you told me you were on the pill!”
“i was… i think i must’ve forgotten to take one that night.” you sniffed, “look, if you don’t want this, i can always-”
“have you visited the doctor yet?” you shook your head, “then how did you know you’re pregnant?”
you pulled out the three sticks out of your bag, placing them on top of his table. jaehyun held one of it and sighed, “do you have time today? let’s go to the doctor.” he suggested, pressing a button on his telephone. “hanbyul, cancel all my meetings today. i have to go to the hospital.”
you sat uncomfortably next to jaehyun inside his benz. the atmosphere between the two of you was heavy and felt very suffocating. in the corner of your eye, you could see jaehyun drive with one hand and the other was massaging his forehead. 
“i’m sorry,” you apologize, “i shouldn't have told you about it today…”
“then what? tell it to me when you have another miscarriage?” he fought back, stopping at the red light.
that caught you off guard, “yeah, i probably should've just done that.” you said, unbuckling your seatbelt and unlocked the car. “look, i didn’t want this- it wasn’t even part of my plan, i was drunk when we had sex and it was mistake. just call me when you're done being such an asshole.”
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needless to say, that jaehyun did contact you a few days later, but you were the one who’s ignoring him - for a good reason though. you didn’t want to stress yourself again now that you were pregnant. you scheduled a checkup the following day to confirm it yourself, the father of this child was being a child himself, so you decided to go alone. twas the day of your second year of handling a fashion show, everything was going on so well and everyone hasn’t made any mistakes. but of course, you spoke too soon. one of your models tripped backstage and injured herself. 
“i’ll do it.” you suggested, all of the staff gasped in shock, causing you to chuckle, “we have no other choice- it’s the last walk in a few minutes.”
“b-but you’re gonna have to wear a wedding dress, ma’am.”
“and? it’s not like i haven’t worn one.”
immediately, you stripped out of your clothes. leaving you in your underwear as you wait for the staff to prepare the wedding dress for you. the lace, trumpet-style white dress fits your body perfectly. it reminds you of the time you were finding the right dress to wear for your wedding. all the staff gathered around you to help you prepare for the last-minute decision of walking down the runway.
“wedding dresses are up!” yelled one of the event coordinators.
“i’m sorry, ms. y/n-” the injured model apologized, you gave her a warm smile and told her it was alright.
you were the last one to walk, to display the final design of the collaborated dress made by allure and luxe & lace. you were holding such a big responsibility. walking down the runway wasn’t new to you. you experienced a few when you were sixteen, but right now, something was definitely up. as the models in front of you slowly disappear and walk back, you could feel cold sweat form on your skin. you could do this, y/n y/l/n. you told yourself as the model in front of you walks out.
the coordinator greets you with good luck as she sends you out. the amount of people outside stunned you, yet you kept your poise and stoic face. what even more stunned you was the person sitting on the front row, next to johnny’s significant other who loved your designs. jeong jaehyun sat there shocked as he saw you walk down the runway, it was like the time he saw you walk down the aisle. time seemed to slow down when jaehyun met your eyes and as you turned to the other side of the runway, jaehyun knew he had to talk to you after this event.
he found himself in front of your apartment door at 6 in the morning the following day. he wanted to let you celebrate your fun after the event because frankly, you deserved it. he knew your plans about moving back to europe once your divorce was settled, but now that you were pregnant, jaehyun thought it would be dangerous for you to fly back, let alone live abroad during your pregnancy. if you decide to keep this baby, jaehyun wants to be part of its life. he wanted to be present, even if you still want to continue with the divorce - being part of that little bean’s life would be enough for him.
“jaehyun, what are you doing here?” you asked, opening the front door after you heard the first ring.
“i- i wanted to talk to you about the baby.”
your mouth forms an ‘o’, stepping to the side to give him space to enter your abode. he looked around and saw the neat furniture and paintings around the living room. your place was minimalistic and eye-pleasing. he smelled fermented kimchi, in contrast to your beautiful place, noticing that you were making yourself breakfast.
“ah, sorry. i woke up craving some kimchi fried rice…” you mutter, covering the pan and turned the stove off. “so, uh, you said you wanted to talk about the baby?”
“i’m sorry if i was such an asshole the other week- i was just so stressed with work and our ongoing divorce, i might've poured all the pressure and anger on you.” he explained, “look, y/n, i really didn’t know what to feel when you told me you were pregnant. i was happy, yes. i’m finally building the family we’ve always wanted but… i wasn’t sure if you wanted it the way i wanted.”
you look down to your feet, unable to speak and played with your oversized shirt to prevent yourself from crying. “y/n, from the very start, it has always been the two of us but… until the previous year, i was a jerk. i know what i did was wrong. i deserve every anger you have for me but i want to be part of this baby’s life.” he cried, “i- i’m okay if you still want to continue with the divorce, but if you do keep this baby, at least let me be part of their life. i’m also responsible for them.”
you sighed, “i have an 8 am appointment with my ob-gyn. perhaps, do you want to come with me?”
without hesitation, jaehyun nodded his head. 
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you sit nervously on the couch outside your doctor’s office, your legs bounce continuously - a sign of anxiousness as you wait for the doctor’s assistant to call your name. jaehyun noticed it, his hand found its way to yours, intertwining it with his and held it tightly. “calm down. i’m sure everything will be fine.” he comforted, “i’m right here, okay?”
you nodded your head and sighed, “jaehyun, do you want to come with me inside while dr. kim examines me or do you want to stay here?” you asked, he raised an eyebrow “i-i guess i’m just a little shy to let you see me inside and hear the doctor talk about babies and stuff.”
“i’d love to hear about it, y/n. this is your first, well, second pregnancy. i want to know more about it so i could help you throughout the journey.”
the doctor's assistant calls for your name and the two of you enter the small office with a bunch of posters and pictures plastered on the wall. doctor kim explains what to expect on your first trimester, you were six weeks in and he suggested an ultrasound to further confirm the baby’s condition. you felt your cheeks heat when jaehyun helped you strip out of your clothes to change into a hospital gown. but once the doctor points the small bean on the screen, the two of you felt so relieved and happy. that little guy right there would be your bundle of joy in no time. jaehyun had a lot of questions for the doctor, it was like he was the one who was pregnant and not you.
you still held jaehyun's hand as you walked back to his car. according to your gynecologist, you had nothing to be worried about as your baby is growing healthy. you were told to be extra careful and avoid any stress as possible. he had invited you to eat lunch with him, which you gladly accepted. it was already noon and you were already hungry as you are eating for two now. 
as your first trimester passes by, jaehyun finds himself staying at your place more often, he offered to take your couch to monitor your journey as a soon-to-be-mom. at 14 weeks, you started to wear loose dresses to work. your bump was visible than ever despite the fact that you have been trying to hide it to everybody. you and jaehyun decided to tell your family about it on the 20th week mark, which resulted in a lot of mixed reactions. both of your parents asked if you were back together again, that also resulted with the two of you talking in the middle of the night about it. you ended up attending couple's therapy to pick up the broken pieces of your marriage and had the court dismiss your filed divorce. it wasn’t easy but the two of you got through it.
in your second trimester, you suggested jaehyun to move in with you officially. he understood why you didn’t want to live in the old townhouse anymore and decided to buy a new place from the money you’ve got by selling the old house. at 19 weeks, you found out that you were having a girl. jaehyun freaked out for a week after receiving the news. at 26 weeks, jaehyun had asked you to marry him again while the two of you took a quick break from life during a vacation in jeju island. the officiant, jaehyun and you were the only ones present at this 24-hour wedding chapel he found at 2 am. 
in the last trimester, things started to get real, real hard. jaehyun realized how hard it must’ve been being pregnant - the unusual and weird cravings (like eating ice cream with pickles) and all sorts of body pains you experienced carrying another human being. he offers to massage your body sometimes and even did the famous tiktok trend where the man would lift the belly slightly which was helpful, by the way. jaehyun found out that sex during the third trimester wasn’t dangerous, after doctor kim told him that it was, quote this, downright healthy. the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other and were like bunnies hopping around town every damn time. other than that, jaehyun made sure to capture every memory to show it to your baby in the future.
it was 2 in the morning when you started your labor. jaehyun had called the midwife while you yelled inside the bedroom, gripping on the sheets as you tried to find a way to reduce the pain. you had opted to water birth at home, because according to your husband who has read more books than you did, it was less painful than normal delivery in the hospital (which, as doctor kim said, both are painful). jaehyun had joined you in the pool in the middle of your living room, planting kisses on your neck and temple as he told you that you were doing a good job. then he realized, a little later, that he was also covered in blood water and other body fluids but it didn’t matter because he held the two people in his life who mattered the most to him - you, and your baby girl.
it felt like jaehyun was holding the whole world in his arms, jeong dasom was born healthy and weighs 7.5 pounds, a week before your anniversary.
“you did a good job, my love.” jaehyun whispered against your cheek before planting a kiss on your lips. 
starting today, it will be you, jaehyun, dasom and other future kids you will have, ‘til the end. 
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607 notes · View notes
notnctu · 2 months ago
love you more | kdy
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━ in part of mad about the boy collaboration
- doyoung x fem!reader - genre: fluff, slight smut - details: ceo!doyoung, secretary!y/n, secret!established relationship, obviously whipped for eachother  - warnings: brief penetration, oral (m/f receiving) - word count: 3.2k - synopsis: doyoung has always been short with his words, oftentimes intimidating with his sharp chic stares and emptiness in his tone. but his tough exterior melts away every time you smile at him and he wonders if you know the extent of how much he loves you.
❝ nothing, I just love you. ❞
- a/n: thank you @slightlymore​ for letting me participate in your collab! i always love writing pieces dedicated to you <3 love you to the moon and back. 
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Doyoung enters the stuffy corporate office with an evident frown on his lips and boredom in his eyes. Briefcase in one hand, knocking at his leg here and there to stimulate some feeling in this numbing environment. The glass elevator feels ironically suffocating and he is already counting the hours until he can clock out of this soul sucking job.
Almost routinely, the usually robust and chatty office falls dead silent at the scary entrance of their intimidating CEO. His expensive dress shoes can be heard the moment he steps off from the elevator and his chic energy infiltrates the harmonious atmosphere. This man never smiles at anyone when he walks in. He doesn’t greet anyone back, despite every employee bowing 90 degrees at the waist to welcome him in. 
His sharp eyes are trained straight ahead with a purpose, the door to his personal office where he can avoid all interaction and find some peace. However, something feels out of routine today.
Doyoung always makes way toward his office without hesitation or moment to be stopped, but something missing causes him to stop in his tracks.
The crowded small desk outside his door is unoccupied, but your purse peeks from underneath the table. Where the hell are you? He thinks to himself, and everyone is lost in confusion at his abrupt halt in the middle of the floor.
“Mr. Kim?” A brave employee speaks up, but Doyoung does not even look his way. His eyes remain on the empty seat.
“Speak.” He says firmly. The grip on the handle of his briefcase tightens out of irritation. 
“Secretary (Y/N) is hurrying back with your coffee right now.” The quiver in his voice is pathetic, but that information is enough to reassure Doyoung. He nods in response, beginning with his steps toward his office.
Everyone seems to relax a bit from the tense atmosphere. “Tell her to come straight into my office when she gets back.” Doyoung turns to face the fearful individuals, a hand resting on the door handle. “As soon as possible.” His tone drops several decibels, causing a shiver down several employees’ spines. His glaring stare is enough to kill, everyone feeling relieved that they aren’t in your position right now.
When Doyoung shuts the door, the whole office relaxes and lets out a heavy sigh. “She’s fucked. Hate to be her right now.” 
“Big time. I’ll get the tissues ready.” Everyone scatters back to their personal cubicles to continue on the work at hand.
Several minutes later, you arrive with a cup of coffee in one hand and a pastry wrapped warmly in a small paper bag. The biggest smile on your face as you step off of the elevator, but grave expressions from your coworkers.
“He wants you in his office immediately.” Someone tells you, looking as worried as ever. 
You brace yourself based on everyone’s reaction. What mood is he in now? You nod, acknowledging the order as quickly as possible. Knocking softly, you await his permission to enter.
“Come in.” He sounds so stern over the door and the eyes of your nosy coworkers watch as you disappear into the big boss’s office. 
When you turn to shut the door fully, you feel his presence already behind you. Broad shoulders in his fitted white button up and blue tie around his neck to match his blazer. His cuffs are rolled up to his elbows and his hair is gelled up and out of his perfectly chiseled face. His hands in his pockets, he looks at you with an eyebrow raised and a small smile on his lips. 
“Good Morning, bunny.” He walks a bit closer, closing the space between the two of you. “Missed you already.” A toothy smile escapes as he pulls you into his embrace by the hip.
“You’ve got the whole office concerned for my job.” You giggle, setting the cup of coffee and pastry on his neat desk. 
Doyoung tilts his head in confusion, a finger lightly brushing away a strand of your hair. “What? They think I’d fire my very sexy secretary over some late coffee? Coffee is replaceable, you are not.” 
You’re on your toes, kissing his nose gently. “You’re in a good mood, I’m assuming then.” 
“Now that you’re here, yes.” Doyoung sits comfortably on his large couch in the center of his expansive office. Legs spread open, stretching the fabrics of his sleek dress pants. He leans back, an arm placed on the back of the seat. “Sit, tell me about your day.” 
And you so gladly join him on the softest cushion this entire company has to offer. You chat up a storm, starting from the very moment you woke up, to you missing your ride to the office, to you snapping a heel and having to borrow Lorraine’s, to you running late for coffee. All the while, Doyoung nods to your exhilarating story telling with watchful patient eyes and a thoughtful smile.
He’s so into you, this man would rather sit quietly and observe your pretty lips talk about your poor time management and unfortunate mishaps all day long. Anyone from an outsider’s view can note the tiny stars in his dark pupils as he admires your rich laugh and the way you speak with your failing hands. 
“What’s your shoe size again?” He lightly interrupts, temple resting on his knuckles. His eyes drop quickly to your loaned heels and back up to your confused expression.
“Why do you ask?” 
“Well, you can’t keep borrowing Lorraine’s shoes forever.” He clears his throat. “I saw a pair of beautiful ruby red’s in a store Downtown. Reminded me of you.” Doyoung speaks so casually about gifts for you and spending money on you, as if he’s got a whole bank account reserved for you. Not that you mind much, but you are never sure if your own actions measure up in the relationship.
“Doyoung, you already bought me such an expensive dress.” Your eyes drop, feeling a bit guilty for always receiving his presents with nothing much in return.
Nonetheless, he is quick to pick up your chin. His body leans closer, “and that dress needs heels to match.”
“I don’t even have an event to wear it to.” Excuses fly out of your mouth, but he is fast to combat them all.
“A rooftop dinner date with me this weekend. I already reserved a table.” His face deadpans, waiting for more of your lame excuses. It’s like you had forgotten how amazingly efficient this man works, he is a CEO for a reason.
You scoff, pushing his hand away from your chin. Standing up, you brush any existing lint off of your skirt. “When did you plan to inform me of these plans? It’s not in your schedule, love.” 
Doyoung smirks to himself. It’s like he had forgotten how detailed and organized you work, you are his secretary for a reason. “Wow, you are so good at your job. Who do you work for?” His question is completely sarcastic and playful, causing you to laugh a little.
“Right. I think I deserve a raise.” You joke along, the banter between the two of you is always light and fun.
He stands, wrapping his arms around your lower waist and leaning in to give you a hot kiss on the lips. “I think you deserve more than a raise.” His bottom lip escapes under his top row of teeth, an expression that makes your knees weak.
“Dinner this weekend, it is then.” Your finger taps his nose gently, as you slip out of his embrace to continue your work outside before anyone notices how long you have been gone. “I’ll put it in your calendar.” 
Doyoung, slightly bewildered, scoffs at your teasing. “Better put it in yours too.” He rolls his eyes, but the grin on his lips tells another emotion. He walks around back to his desk to proceed with his own responsibilities.
Your hand is on the door, but you pause to look back at him. “I wear a size ___.” 
His eyes are trained on his computer screen, “ah perfect, so I did remember.” The proudest smile parades, but it actually looks quite cute on him. 
Your heart melts to goo from the fire in your chest. If there is one man in this world you’d do anything for, it would be him. Kim Doyoung, how you are so mad about this boy. And how mad he is about you, kicking his feet under his table in glee that you even smile his way. 
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“Don’t look, but Adeline from the merger company is walking right this way.” The bustling night of the rooftop restaurant is an ambiance to live for. The soft feeling of silk cascading down your torso, and a long slit that rides up your thighs.
This beautiful dress is paired with perfectly fitted heels and a tall glass of expensive bubbly stars. You are living a dream, a fancy paradise, as only A listers are allowed in this part of the dining section and the decor is probably worth more than the color on your lips.
Your very attractive boyfriend, Doyoung, sits across from you in a loose white button up and neatly gelled hair. His sharp features shine like gold underneath the heat lamps and low hanging stars. The way he wears a smile tonight is more than harmonious, but it drops hearing the news of a fellow acquaintance approaching.
“My, oh my! What a surprise. Kim Doyoung, I didn’t think I’d see you here tonight.” Her heavy lashes bat at him as her manicured nail taps lightly at his shoulder. Doyoung peers up, hands resting on his lap and lips forming a tight line.
“I don’t exactly announce my whereabouts.” Doyoung is undoubtedly intimidating when he speaks with others, especially those regarding the business or even in the business. Seeing him like this is often quite a shift, sending a chill down your spine at how his jaw tightens.
“I meant it as I’m delighted to see you.” She speaks between her teeth, a bit offended by his cold exterior. “Taking your secretary on a business dinner?” Her eyes barely acknowledge your figure, glancing slightly over to look at your attire. Her attention is solely on Doyoung, who is entirely disinterested in her.
“Taking my secretary to dinner to thank her for working as hard as she does for me. I can be a handful.” He winks sly at you, a sneaky hand falls on your exposed knee as Doyoung scoots closer next to you. 
“That’s very kind and generous of you. Eat up, darling. The food here is to die for.” Her over exaggerations cause you to force a nod and a fake smile. Doyoung’s thumb is rubbing circles on your skin underneath the table cloth.
“It’s quite lively actually. I suggest you go ahead and try some.” Doyoung gestures off to a random direction, eyes scary enough to indicate that it is her cue to leave. 
She looks rather taken aback by his send off, but complies as Doyoung is not a figure to reckon with. Clearing her throat, a wide smile continues to boast on her painted face. “Well, I won’t be a bother. I’ll see you for our weekly meeting.”
Doyoung nods, his hand on your knee travels up to your thigh for a squeeze. His mind is beyond distracted, leaving the boring conversation the minute it had started. “Right.” 
As she whisks herself away, your hand drops over his to stop him from getting too handsy in public. “Could you be any more obvious?” You laugh, fingers holding onto his underneath the table cloth.
He peers over at your profile, a quizzical smirk upon his lips. His smoldering stare sends an electrifying bolt straight down to your core. “I could fuck you over this soft tablecloth, then it would be really obvious.” 
His sudden bold statement has you choking on your champagne, coughing at the second he finishes his sentence. “Doyoung!” You scold, “don’t even think about that.”
“Already am.” Although he is quite good at controlling his facial expressions, his eyes are so telling with how his stare changes and the way they darken immediately. He leans closer to whisper into your ear, warm lips against your skin. “You’d look so beautiful with your legs spread in this dress, the slit giving so much access to just—“
Pushing at his chest, you take a deep breath to calm the jitters that dance across your lower abdomen. “Can you get the check, please?” You can’t even look in his direction, being a bit embarrassed at how eager you already seem.
Nonetheless, you already know the prized expression on his face. “Are we finished with dinner already?” He lightly teases, his finger tracing your jawline and grazing it upon your chin to turn you to face him.
Doyoung sits back and the view of him in all of his glory is heavenly. His dress pants are tight around his thighs, his dress shirt is fluid, yet conforming enough to see the outline of his chest. His collarbones peek through the unbuttoned flaps and your mind is imagining all the dark hickeys lining his neck. 
“Yes. I’d like to enjoy my dessert at home.” He looks as delicious as ever, and you’re holding back from covering him in kisses. 
He hums, nodding knowingly. “I do have some more room to eat.” He pats his stomach, but his tone is so dark and lustful. Doyoung knows all the ways to drive you mad, playing and toying with you simply through innuendos and stares. 
But you do the same, and only you are able to swirl him into madness. Without even purposefully messing with him, the sight of you is enough to melt away anything that troubles him. 
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Doyoung is deep in between your legs the moment you two arrive back to his place. You sit on his dining room table with legs open and bent at the knee, heels are firmly placed at the ledge. His head disappears underneath your gorgeous dress, pushing your panties to the side for a taste.
His hot tongue on your round bud causes a sharp intake of breath. You can’t imagine another better feeling than the quickness of his tongue against your aching core. Doyoung is manic when the scent of light perfume surrounds him, intoxicated by all of you.
This man dreams about being in between your thighs, feeling your heat at the tip of his tongue. You scream as he tongue fucks you into oblivion. His hand grips the fabric of your dress as he pushes in and out of your dripping hole. 
Your eyes roll back slightly from the pleasure. His other hand pushes your leg up into your chest, opening you more. “That feels too good.” You moan, the sound of wetness filling the thick air. Doyoung is relentless, your juices dripping down his chin in the nastiest, yet best way. 
“You look good.” He groans, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. You’re already sitting up to pull at his belt loose. Doyoung gazes down at you, and the connection with this man is electrifying and absolutely consuming. He really causes your knees to go weak. 
“Enough to be yours?” 
Doyoung snickers, a loving thumb rubbing your cheek as you work to unzip his pants. His stare is dark, but it’s comforting and kind. “You are already mine.” 
“Right, it’s always nice to hear you acknowledge it.” Your smile is completely priceless, he wouldn’t trade seeing it for anything in the universe. As much as he is turned on by your actions, his heart swells and races at all your pretty details. 
“I’ll remember to say it more.” His hand on the back of your head, while you finally free his cock from his restraints. You line his shaft with tiny kisses, oddly enough, this causes Doyoung’s heart to flutter and he has to chuckle at the emotions that he is so full of.
“What?” You question, licking his tip before diving in for the most sloppy suck of his life. Instantly, Doyoung’s hand grips your hair tightly and the wind is practically knocked out of his lungs.
He almost forgot to respond due to the sheer fact that you’re sucking the soul of him. His groans fill the room, and his hips move slightly deeper into your throat. 
“Nothing, I just love you.” 
This man always has a way to flip the mood, despite any occasion. Your heart pounds at the proclamation of love, but your pussy is throbbing from his dick in your throat. When you pull away, you lick the underside of the head and he shudders at the sensitive sensation. “Love you more, bunny.”
His eyes light on fire at the sound of the nickname. Doyoung lightly pushes you to lay on your back, his hands spreading your thighs to reveal your mess below. “You’re so wet.”
“Sucking your dick turns me on.” Your casually bold statement causes him to laugh. Nonetheless, the light atmosphere doesn’t compare to the sexual tension in the room. 
Doyoung sticks two fingers abruptly into you, to only remove them quickly. “You being this wet turns me on.” Your clear sticky juices coat his fingers with a shine, but he licks them clean. The taste of you is delicious on his palette. “Before I fuck you until you can’t walk,” his hands are placed firmly next to each sides of your legs. “I want you to move in with me.”
You’re quick to sit up at the sudden offer, “all of a sudden?”
Your relationship has been well over a year now, but still kept behind doors for the public due to both of your occupations. It’s not work appropriate, both of you agreed, but you both couldn’t deny the feelings you had for each other. 
You are quite literally the best thing that has happened to him. Everything about you was a gift, Doyoung found love the moment he saw you. You are the one thing in this world that can wash away his troubles. Through his frustrations and long days, you are the only person he wants to come home to. 
“A bit too soon?” He questions, leaning in over the table. “This place is big enough to live a whole modern family, and I could use your company.”
“Just say you miss me when I leave.” You roll your eyes, a joking tone in play to help downplay your happiness and excitement. 
Doyoung smiles, “I miss you when you leave. If you move in, you won’t have to say goodbye at night.” 
You have him wrapped around your finger. Your boss, your boyfriend, the love of your love. “If I move in, you won’t have to come back to an empty complex. Would that make you smile a bit more at the office?”
His grin spreads wide across his lips, pushing you back to lay on your back. “Anything for you, bunny.” Doyoung enters, his girth enough to fill you just how you like it. He is deep enough to where your hips are touching, and his chain necklace dangles over you as he leans above you.
“Then, my answer is the same as yours.” Pulling him by the collar of his shirt, your lips dance across his with so much passion, love, and heat. Doyoung feels as if his chest could burst at any moment. 
“Anything for you, bunny.”
646 notes · View notes
chocolvte · 2 months ago
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. . helping an s/o who struggles with eating regularly
req — hi ani! would u ever be willing to write a nct dream vers of the helping their s/o who struggle w eating regularly?
listen to my hair is green by 015b featuring youra
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「 mark 」
mark isn’t pushy about it. he lets you come to him whenever you want his help with your struggles. and if you need someone to just listen, he’ll be there for you (clap clap clap clap). he just cares about you a bunch and wants you to be comfortable coming to him whenever you need him. so for the most part he just tries his best to understand why eating is difficult for you. & then he does what he can to help!
“here, y/n, i brought you lunch,” he says, handing you a bento box full of what you know must be your favorite safe foods. “we can eat together!”
「 renjun 」
you hide your struggle with food from him for a very long time, until eventually it starts affecting your health. at this point, renjun starts worrying about you. he knows something is wrong and so he chooses to confront you about it. he wasn’t expecting you to get mad and defensive about it. you’re so insecure and upset and he feels guilty for just pushing you to talk about something you might not be ready to talk about.
“i’m sorry,” he says, reaching out to tap the back of your hand in the way he always does when he wants to hold hands. “we don’t have to talk about it right now, but i only want to help. whenever you’re ready.”
「 jeno 」
jeno would be so good at helping you. he would talk with you about what your triggers are and the things that make it better. so then, better educated, he does what he can for you. if it helps you to eat with someone else, he would always try to eat his meals with you. he compliments you all the time, but he avoids mentioning your body so that you know he loves you for lots of other reasons.
“you look so pretty in this today,” he tugs at the bottom of the shirt you’re wearing, smiling at the way you brighten at the compliment.
「 haechan 」
he simply would not have this. haechan takes it upon himself to make eating as painfree and easy as possible for you. he learns which things you can eat most easily without thinking about it and always texts you or sends you little voice memos reminding you to eat, since he knows that sometimes you just forget without meaning to.
“did you have breakfast?” he asks you after he’s finished showering you in wet kisses, ignoring the way your face scrunches up in (loving) disgust. you shake your head. “y/n! you have to have breakfast. what have i been telling you? it’s okay. i’ll order us something.”
「 jaemin 」
to be honest, he understands. eating can be difficult for him as well, but when he learns that you struggle to have regular meals too it hurts his heart in a different way. he doesn’t like thinking that you could be hurting yourself, whether on purpose or not. so he does his best to get better with you. the two of you support each other with eating better.
“i brought coffee and croissants for us,” jaemin lifts the bag to show you, ignoring the way his heart jumps as you smile at him. “chocolate in the middle for you, but you can try mine too.”
「 chenle 」
at first, he feels so so worried. he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you because you struggle to remember to eat regularly, so he lectures you a little bit (gently) about how you need to eat more. he only means well, but it hurts your feelings a little bit. you’re trying your best, after all. chenle feels so awful for making it worse, wrapping you up in a hug and apologizing. from then on, he does what he can to just listen to you without letting his fear take over.
from you, 10:24 am: look at what i’m having for breakfast. you’re jealous aren’t you? 😌
from chenle, 10:30 am: yes 😩 that looks so good
from chenle, 10:31 am: i’m proud of you 💘
「 jisung 」
jisung would be worried on the inside, but he tries not to show it. he knows that you probably wouldn’t want him to treat you differently after telling him about your struggles, so he acts mostly the same. he does bring you food sometimes, teasing you about how you can’t cook, even though he can’t either.
“you want to order food?” jisung asked you. you were laying with your head in his lap, his fingers stroking your cheek. you look up at him, nodding happily. jisung laughed. “alright. i’ll order something for us.”
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blu-joons · a month ago
The First Moments With Your Newborn ~ Jeong Yoonoh
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The two of you were transfixed on the little bundle of happiness that you cradled tightly in your arms, proud smiles on both of your faces as you quickly found yourselves adjusting to your new life as parents together.
It had only been a couple of hours, and already the two of you were obsessed. Neither of you ever imagined that someone could steal your heart so quickly, but your daughter had well and truly done that, and it was only just the start.
Whilst you were firmly on bedrest as your recovery began, Yoonoh was nothing short of angel around the suite, making sure that he took care of not only your baby, but you as well, doing all the things that he knew you weren’t able to do.
With your eyes glancing down at your daughter, your eyes glanced across as Yoonoh stood up from the end of your bed, walking across to the table in the corner of your room.
“Remember the midwife told you that you needed to stay hydrated,” he spoke up, picking up a water bottle off the tray that a member of ward staff had brought round.
As you tried to reach out to take the bottle whilst also maintaining a hold of your daughter, Yoonoh’s head shook. He took the lid off, placing it into the pocket of his jeans, grabbing a straw from the bag that he had bought from the shop on the bottom level of the hospital, placing it in the bottle.
“Now you don’t have to move,” he smiled, holding the bottle out so that you could reach your lips around the straw, “I knew buying this would turn out to be practical.”
“You really are just full of good ideas,” you teased.
His head nodded proudly, waiting patiently by your side until you let go of the straw, letting him know that you had drunk enough. Yoonoh tucked the top of the straw into the bottle, placing the lid back on before putting it back on the tray.
“I can’t wait to look after my two favourite girls for the rest of my life,” Yoonoh suddenly announced, turning on his heels so that he could reclaim his spot on the end of your bed, “is there anything else that you need before I sit down comfortably?”
“You’ve already done more than enough,” you smiled appreciatively over at him, “you need to rest as well, you’ve had a pretty hectic few hours going through labour by my side too.”
Instantly, his head shook back at you, “there’s no way that you can compare what you’ve been through to what I’ve been through. It’s going to take time for you to recover, but I promise that I’ll help you out with everything that you need.”
Throughout the entirety of your pregnancy Yoonoh had taken the best care of you, determined to be the greatest husband and father that he could be. That kindness quickly translated through your labour too, supporting you through every single second, and now your baby was here, he was still right by your side, refusing to leave you go through anything alone.
Your bright eyes glanced across at Yoonoh once again, reluctantly looking away from your daughter. “I’m not in as much pain as you think I am, the midwife said in a few days most of the pain would disappear.”
“That gives me days to take care of you, at least,” he challenged, switching up your words so that they worked in his favour, “once we leave this hospital you are not going to be allowed to move a muscle unless it’s to be a mum.”
Your head shook, although deep down you knew that there was no arguing with Yoonoh. “I always knew you were protective, but this is most definitely a new side of you recently, I’m not fragile glass that my shatter.”
“The two of you are my family,” he reminded you in a gentle tone, “which means you are fragile glass, and it’s my duty to protect the two of you. Labour was tough, you can’t treat it as if it was nothing, even if you don’t want to worry me.”
Your stubbornness was definitely a quality of yours that Yoonoh picked up on quickly, realising soon into your relationship that you never liked to ask for help. Even when you were pregnant, your independence was something that you tried to hold onto for as long as possible.
“Labour was worth it, look at the reward,” you mused, nodding in the direction of your daughter.
“It most definitely was worth it, I hate to sound smug, but we’ve got some good genes Y/N.”
Although your daughter was only a few hours old, it didn’t take long for you to notice that she had Yoonoh’s chin perfected. Meanwhile he was quick to notice how similar your cheeks were, with the same tinted glow that yours often had as a result of the endless compliments that Yoonoh loved to pay to you whenever he was in your company.
“I have to agree with you there, it seems as if we make cute babies together.”
Yoonoh stretched his arm out, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to offer you a bit more support as you sat upright. His other hand adjusted the cushion that pressed into the small of your back, making sure that it remained puffed up for you to rest on.
“I’m alright,” you instructed as he began to get frantic around you once again, “you really don’t need to do anything.”
A quiet apology was muttered from underneath his breath, stopping himself from adjusting the gown that you wore too. “I just feel like there’s so many things that I should help you with, especially whilst you’re holding her, you’re not able to do anything else.”
“If I need anything doing, then I’ll let you know,” you assured him with a smile, “until then, just trust that I’m alright, your two girls really are happy, without you worrying.”
“Am I making it that obvious how nervous I am right now?” Yoonoh asked you, dropping his shoulders when you nodded in response. “I just want these moments to be perfect, you only have your first baby once, and it’s up to me to make sure that everything is perfect.”
You smiled weakly across at Yoonoh, encouraging him to take a few deep breaths as instead of nagging at you, he calmly brushed his hand over the top of your daughter’s head.
He couldn’t help but chuckle knowing that the little girl in your arms would have years ahead of her with a protective father. Even after all of the years that the two of you had been together, you never quite got used to how protective Yoonoh was of you.
“It’s not just these first few moments too, it’s the moments ahead for the rest of our lives as a family,” Yoonoh whispered in a hushed voice, “I want to always be able to look after you, not just for  whilst Y/D/N is young, or whilst you’re recovering from labour over the next couple of weeks, I never want either of you to spend a second of your lives feeling as if you’re not safe with me.”
Your head nodded back across at him, “becoming a dad really has made you quite the soppy one, have I ever told you just how cute you are Yoonoh?”
“You have, that’s why we’re here with a baby now.”
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tyonfs · 3 months ago
off the record (preview)
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PAIRING ▸ johnny suh x fem!reader
GENRES ▸ smut, fluff, crack, college au, sports au, journalist au
WARNINGS ▸ profanity, smut, this is so self indulgent, oral sex (fem. receiving), thigh riding, alcohol consumption, mentions of drugs, lots of flirty banter, more to be added
SUMMARY ▸ when you get the biggest scoop on the university’s basketball team, you’re determined to write about it and get on the front page of the school newspaper. unfortunately, johnny suh is just as determined to get you not to publish anything.
RELEASE DATE ▸ out now!
TAG LIST ▸ @leeknowsredeyeliner @geniejunn @huangberryyy @greasywall @sehunniepot @ta-yeon @yasmini24 @gomjohnny @vantxx95 @jenoxygen @wasssuhjohnny @sadgirlroo @commentgirl​ @dreamycomets @sokkigarden @nohuyck​ @epiphany-beom​ @nachotequilaqueso @chitaphrrrr + dunk shot! series tag list
CAN’T TAG ▸ @donutswithjaeminthemiddle
AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hihi i’m finally writing the fourth part to this series even though it’s out of order and i hope you guys enjoy it !! part of the dunk shot! series but it can be read separately ♡ send me an ask or comment if you’d like to be on the tag list!
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When you committed to investigating the issue for your piece, you expected to listen in on some conversations and call people in for interviews. You never expected you would go this far for your article, and perhaps your dedication was what scared you. On the other hand, Renjun would be proud and the school newspaper would sweep a few awards if you published something this good.
Your task was simple: look through Johnny Suh’s locker for any evidence of him using steroids. You weren’t sure if you were prepared to see any pills or needles, but when you opened his locker, you were greeted by absolutely nothing that raised suspicion.
Some sweaty shirts, some socks you would never dream of touching, and some sticks of deodorant.
Disappointed, you closed Johnny’s locker. Maybe he wasn’t stupid enough to keep it at school, but you were still determined to find out if he was the culprit or if it was another athlete. Before you could think about your next move, though, you felt a hand clasp over your mouth.
A muffled cry escaped your lips, struggling against the man’s hold. When he wrapped an arm around your waist, you immediately identified him as the owner of the locker himself. You could recognize those biceps anywhere. You quieted down when you heard a chorus of chatter from the entrance of the locker room.
Fuck, was all you could think.
The basketball team was already here and Johnny was dragging you out of the premises like you were getting kicked out of some club. Your eyes were practically bugging out of your head when Johnny let go of you in one of the shower stalls. He closed the curtain behind him and narrowed his eyes on you.
“Why did you bring me here?” you asked, perturbed and highly conscious of the half-naked man in front of you. You couldn’t lie, though; his ripped abs were quite the treat. “Isn’t there an exit?”
“Yeah, to the gym, where our coach is waiting,” Johnny replied with a scoff, voice lowered only for you to hear. “You’re gonna stay here until they leave.” When you nodded, Johnny grabbed you by the waist and pulled you close to him. “Stand on my shoes.”
You did as he said, realizing that people could probably see your feet from under the curtain. Despite how awkward the situation was, being this close to Johnny Suh was making you feel a little winded.
“Johnny, are you showering?” Mark Lee called from the locker room. “Before practice?”
Johnny grumbled and reached for the shower handle, cranking it to the hottest temperature. “I am now.”
You hid your gasp in Johnny’s chest when you felt yourself get drenched. Then, all you could think about was how bitter you were about the impressive water pressure in the showers. The school must have spent a fortune on yet another luxury for the basketball team.
“Are you crazy?” you whispered to him.
“Are you?” he fired back. “I told you, I’m not using steroids. Why won’t you listen to me?”
You raised a brow at him. “And how am I supposed to know you’re telling the truth? You could very well be lying to save your skin.”
Johnny stammered before taking in a deep breath, closing his eyes and everything to exhale his frustration. “Alright,” he started slowly. “I’ll help you with your little investigation as long as you stop doing shit like this.”
“Fine,” you agreed. It would be smart to form an alliance with someone on the inside like Johnny, but you became wary of his intentions when he pinched your side. “Ow! Cut it out.”
“Can’t help it,” he said coolly. “You look so hot when you’re all wet and angry.”
Normally, you would have flipped out on him for such a comment, but this time, you merely glanced up at him, then trailed your gaze down his chest and to his abs. You reached out to trace the v-line you could see carved onto his hips, dipping down into his shorts. Johnny let out a shudder but didn’t have half the mind to stop your hand.
“You look pretty hot yourself,” you observed, “but I’m still gonna kill you for getting me soaked in my clothes.”
The chatter started to die down in the locker room, indicating that the players were filing into the gym. At the same time, a slow smirk spread across Johnny’s face.
“Then how about you take them off?”
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neocain · 20 days ago
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Jaemin x Reader 
Requested: 4, "Say my name" 14, "One more"  19, 34+35 
Genre: Smut, Fluff
WC: about 270
Warning: Mature themed.
Send requests here (they are open currently) 
I apologize for any grammatical errors.  
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 The thing about alcohol is that gets to your head. Liquid courage is not a joke, because here you were, your head lulling to the side as Jaemin moved his mouth over your clit. Your hands clutching at his hair, as he drew you closer to the edge. 
"Jaemin," You moaned, his name rolling off your tongue easily as you let yourself float into the heat. Your nerve endings stinging as Jaemin flicked his tongue at your slit one last time. 
His mouth was covered with you as he came up to hover over you, his mouth stretching into a grin. 
"I love this song." He said smugly. 
It took you a second to tune into the words, Arianna Grande streamed through his speakers, 34+35 played. You stared up at him through fuzzy eyes barely able to make up a reply before he dove down, letting his lips mould into yours. 
"Jaemin I don't think I can." You said pulling away from him. 
"You can baby, just one more." He said his hand coming up to cradle the side of your face, his thumb running over your lip. 
You moaned quietly as he let his lips graze over yours. Jaemin lowered his head, letting his tongue poke out and taste your skin before he got to the spot on your neck that had you giving into him. 
You moaned his name as he left soft open-mouthed kisses on your collarbone before coming back up to your lips. 
His hand trailed down to your warmth. 
"Say my name again." He whispered into your lips as his finger began to work you up again.
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A/N: I really hope you like this, I apologize for it not being the best. I've been having a hard time writing and I'm trying to use short dribbles as a way to get back in. So I apologize if its not that what you wanted, and for it not being my best writing. 
btw Tags have been a bitch for this post, so I had to repost it even tho I finished it earlier, so I also apologize for how long you had to wait for it. 
UPDATE: it still doesn't seem to be showing up in the tags but whatever I'm gonna post it hopefully it fixes itself. If anyone knows why this is happening or how to fix it help would be much appreciated. 
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subbykboys · 8 months ago
new to this | taeyong
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↳ pairing : virgin!taeyong x reader
Genre ➞ pure smut oof
Warnings ➞ sub!taeyong, corruption kink, begging, mild degrading, handjob, fingering (m. receiving), public-ish(?), mild choking, running into walls
Word Count ➞ 8.3k
requested by @ninachocoo
posted ; 3.08.21
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Hot. God, it was so hot. 
Then again, summer in your part of town always was. But this heat— this heat was different. It surrounded you, pulling perspiration from your pores and clinging to you persistently. It spilled down your throat, filling your lungs with every deep inhale. It robbed you of any and all of your energy, leaving you too tired to rouse yourself from where you lay on the cool tile floor of your kitchen in front of the open fridge (the absolute coldest spot you could find in your entire house). 
You didn’t cope very well in warm weather, if that wasn’t obvious. 
And, at the cost of your poor housemate’s sanity, you always found new and creative ways to cope with the excruciating rise in temperature, 
“Y/n a few of my— how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?!” You couldn’t bring yourself to so much as flinch as the fridge door was abruptly slammed shut, only managing to pull a whining complaint from the back of your throat as your only source of cool air was ever so rudely ripped away. 
“Fuck you, Mark. It’s too fucking hot to worry about the stupid electricity bill.” You huffed, peeling your eyes open just long enough to shoot an icy glare in the direction of the scowling brunette. 
He crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly, lower lip jutting out. “I think you forget that it’s a combination of both of our money going into paying them, so I think that I have a right to worry about how much is coming out of my pocket because you think that laying in front of an open fridge is a good way to ‘beat the heat’.” 
“Offer me a better solution, I’m open to suggestions.” You sighed tiredly. 
He only rolled his eyes. 
“Oh! I’ve got one,” you exclaimed suddenly, clapping your hands together as a gasp of excitement flew from your lips, “How about I just strip down and walk around butt ass naked? That should do the trick! Oh… but little Mark would like that a little too much, wouldn’t he?” You offered him a taunting pout, feigning sympathy as you glanced down unabashedly towards his crotch. 
Instinctively, his hands flew to cover himself as his cheeks throbbed a devastatingly obvious shade of red, bright enough to rival even the ripest of tomatoes. “Y–you—” 
Your lips curled with an amused smirk, but it faltered at the sound of thundering laughter coming from behind your flustered housemate. Your eyes followed the sound, finding its source in a group of about five or so men crowding up the foyer. Brows lifting in mild surprise, you shifted your attention back to an even more humiliated looking Mark. 
“You brought company.” An apology hung at the tip of your tongue. You really tried to keep your pg-13 teasing to a minimum around other people, especially knowing how susceptible Mark could be to his own embarrassment. 
“Hey Mark, I thought you said your roommate was a raging asshole with the sex drive of a teenaged boy on viagra? She seems pretty cool to me! And hot.” One of the taller boys chimed, a massive dopey grin plastered across his face. 
You turned to Mark slowly, brows raised. But he wouldn’t meet your eyes, head lowered. He wasn’t good at hiding his guilt. 
Welp. No apology for ole Marky boy today. 
“Please, allow me to properly introduce myself to our company.” Mark's eyebrows jumped all the way to his hairline as you pushed yourself off the floor and tossed an arm around his shoulder. “My name is (y/n), but I suppose Mark's asshole roommate with the sex drive of a teenage boy on viagra could work, too.” 
The look you shot him out of the corner of your eye had him shrinking in on himself, regret shining in his big brown eyes. But, you ruffled his hair, a silent reassurance that you weren’t all that torn up about the comment, especially considering it was hard to deny the layer of truth that lingered within it. 
You’d probably subjected Mark to more than his fair share of sleepless nights while you were up into the early morning giving the man (or woman) of the night the experience of a lifetime. A few scathing comments to close friends was more than understandable when looked upon in that light. Besides, you were never good at holding a grudge against your sweet, awkward, puppy-eyed housemate. 
The tall one that had spoken before chimed in eagerly, “I’m Yukhei, but my friends call me Lucas. Xuxi works, too. Or papi if you're feeling especially— ow!” Lucas yelped loudly as a hand connected to the back of a head with a sharp smack. You watched in amusement as another tall, charming looking man tugged him back, shooting him a warning glare before turning his attention to you. 
“Ignore him. He has a bad habit of forgetting his manners around attractive women. My name's Johnny, it’s great to finally meet you.” The sweet, disarming smile he offered you had any reservations melting away, and you easily returned the gesture before he proceeded with introductions. “This Haechan, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and— Taeyong?” 
Johnny pivoted around, brief confusion settling across his face before he spotted whoever he’d been looking for. Reaching behind Lucas, he grabbed someone's arm, tugging them into your line of sight. 
“And this is Taeyong!” He concluded with a grin, slapping a large hand down on the shorter boy’s shoulder. Taeyong dipped his head shyly, not meeting your eyes as he murmured a soft greeting that you were just barely able to catch. Soft tufts of dirty blonde hair fell over large brown eyes as he bowed politely, the air of meekness unmistakable. 
Oh, he’s cute. 
Your lips curled into an impish smirk. “Hi, Taeyong.” 
A faint blush darkened his cheeks and you caught a hint of a smile upturning the corners of his mouth. 
Really cute. 
Mark knew you well enough to see the gears beginning to turn in your head and coughed loudly when your stare lingered longer than necessary.
“O-kay, now that you’re all acquainted…” he stepped in swiftly, opting to intervene before you could get any wise ideas about his friend. “We have got a group project to work on and it would be extremely helpful if you’d refrain from providing any distractions. I already have a hard enough time trying to get them to focus for longer than five minutes as is.”
“Aww but I wanna hang out with your hot roommate, Mark.” Lucas whined loudly, practically throwing himself across Mark’s shoulders as the cutest pout you’ve probably ever seen fell across his lips. “She’s got a way nicer ass than any of you guys.” 
Doyoung sighed, his face screwing in second hand embarrassment for his friend’s shameless behavior. “Lucas, please.” 
“Have some dignity, man.” Haechan huffed additionally and you grinned in amusement as he grabbed the collar of Lucas’s shirt and began tugging him towards the living room. 
“Don’t worry, Mark. I’ll stay out of the way. I would hate to hinder your geek fest.” You teased, wrinkling your nose as you stepped past him. 
“Thank you, (y/n). I really— wait, Geek f– it’s a project worth thirty percent of our final grade!” 
“To-may-to, to-mah-to.” You waved a dismissive hand over your shoulder, before pausing briefly. Spinning on your heels, you turned back to face 
the cute boy, who visibly jolted the moment your attention landed on him. “It was very nice meeting you, Taeyong.” 
“Y- you, too.” He stuttered sweetly and you had to fight the overwhelming urge to reach over and pinch those adorable pink cheeks. Either pair. 
With one last sultry smile, and a wink just to fuck with Mark a little, you sauntered back into your bedroom. Miraculously, you were no longer concerned with the previously unbearable heat plaguing your apartment. Now, you had something —or rather, someone— far more interesting to occupy your mind. 
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Taeyong was having a difficult time focusing, which was pretty out of ordinary. He had barely gotten anything done with his assigned part of the project, less than half a page filled out with what little information he managed to collect. Luckily, none of the other guys seemed to notice, too distracted by their own inabilities to focus to take notice of his. Otherwise he would have to concoct some lie. But he wasn’t good at lying. He was a terrible liar, in fact. So he would probably just end up blurting out the truth which was you. You were the reason he couldn’t focus. You with your mischievous eyes and your pretty smile and intoxicating laugh. Mark’s asshole roommate with the sex drive of a teenage boy on viagra. 
He’d seen pictures of you before. But they didn’t do you any justice. In pictures, you were pretty. In real life, you were beautiful, charming, witty, sexy, and you winked at him. Girls don’t wink at him. Not ever. But you had. You’d winked and smiled at him and he wasn’t sure if you were just teasing him because he flustered easily or if there was a chance it meant something a little more than that. 
… he secretly hoped it meant something a little more than that. 
But he shouldn’t be thinking about you right now. He should be thinking about finishing his research. Not your eyes. Not your smile. Not your voice of the way you purred his name and those shivers rushed down his spine and he could have sworn something twitched— okay. That’s enough. He really needed to splash some water in his face, cool down a little before his mind wandered to places it definitely should not. 
“Ah— Mark?” 
The younger boy lifted his head, brows raising. “’Sup?” 
“Where’s the bathroom?” 
He perked, tipping his chin forward. “Oh, it’s to the right of the k— shit, wait. That toilet’s busted. Um, just use the one in my room. It’s at the end of the hall.” 
“Thanks,” Taeyong pushed himself up with a soft grunt, nearly tripping over Yukhei’s long legs as he maneuvered himself around the cluttered coffee table, “I’ll be right back.” 
None of the other guys took much notice of how quickly he rushed out of the room, much to Taeyong’s relief. He let out a low breath the moment he turned the corner and found himself in a vacant hallway, but that relief was short lived. 
Mark had only said that his room was at the end of the hall. But, there were two doors at the end of the hall. Meaning one of them could possibly lead to your room. And you were in your room. Which meant if he walked through the wrong door on accident… he could walk in on you. Oh god. Heat rushed into his cheeks at the mere thought of such a humiliating occurrence. For a moment, he debated turning on his heels and returning to the living room. 
But, he wasn’t ready to go back to studying just yet. He was still feeling flushed and antsy and needed another moment or two to himself. Plus… he was actually starting to need to pee a little. Damn him and his tiny bladder.
Hesitating, he gently knocked on the door on the right side of the hall then waited ten seconds. No response. Just to be extra certain, he knocked twice more before finally turning the knob. Cautiously, he peeked his head inside. The black out curtains were drawn tight so the room was dark, too dark to make out anything defining outside of the vague shape of a bed and dresser tucked into the far corner. It took a few minutes of stumbling blindly through the inky blackness, tripping over clothes and extension wires until he found what he hoped to be the bathroom door. 
Without too much of a second thought, he opened the door. 
Then he froze. 
He thought it was Mark’s room. He really did. He thought he was tripping over Mark’s clothes and Mark’s wires. Though, he probably should have noticed the light coming out from beneath the bathroom door, indicating that someone might be inside. Or maybe he did but ignored it because– because maybe Mark just left the light on. That could have happened. That totally could have happened. 
But it didn’t. 
Because it wasn’t Mark’s room. Those weren’t his clothes or his wires and he didn’t leave the light on. 
He realized this all too late of course. Because now he was staring at you. You who was wet and naked and… wet and naked. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He could only stare, dumbstruck, mind short circuiting as billowing steam curled around the shape of your body like an iridescent veil, beautiful skin glistening under the soft golden light. Your head was tipped back, lips slightly parted, hands soothing your slick hair out of your face as the hot water cascading down the swells of your 
breasts and over the curves of your shoulders.
It was like watching something out of a pornographic shampoo commercial. 
“Oh—” it was somewhere between a whine and gasp, strangled and broken by the time it escaped his trembling lips. It was so quiet, you shouldn’t have been able to hear it over the hiss of water. So it took him off guard when your eyes opened and flicked in his direction. 
He flinched, body jolting backwards like it intended to make a break for it, but it was like your stare locked him into place. His brain was screaming at him to do something; to move, to  turn away, close his eyes, apologize, bash his head against the freaking wall, literally anything but stand there staring at you with his mouth open like a complete idiot. But he couldn’t. 
The corner of your mouth curled, forming into a downright devilish smirk that sent hot tendrils of desire spiraling through his veins. Then you quirked a brow and it was like a burst of electricity bringing him back to life. His hands flew up from where they’d been frozen at his sides, slapping so hard over his eyes that he yelped in shock at the sting. 
“Ohmygod I- I am so sorry! I am so—” he whirled around, spewing high pitched apologies as he scrambled for the door. Only, his eyes were closed so instead of bolting out the door he face planted into the wall next to the door. “Ow!” 
Your low laughter rippled through the small bathroom and red hot embarrassment raced up his neck and into his face. He could only whimper out one finally strained apology as he clutched his throbbing nose and stumbled back into the darkness of your bedroom, slamming the door sharply behind him. 
By the time he’d managed to scramble back into the hall, Taeyong felt like he was on fire. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he was certain if he dared to look in a mirror he’d be the equivalent of a tomato. 
Humiliation gripped at his throat, squeezing painfully around his airway every time he recalled the previous events. He’d never be able to face you again. Not after that train wreck. Not ever. Groaning distraughtly, he sank against the wall, silently wishing that the floor would just swallow him up and put an end to his suffering.
But, there was something worse than the embarrassment. Something hotter and harder, throbbing shamelessly in the confines of his suddenly far too jeans. He saw you naked— wet and naked, looking like a freaking goddess beneath the stream of hot water, soap suds still clinging to your skin. He had never seen a woman like that before. Not in person, at least. And none as beautiful as you. 
Biting his lip, he squeezed his legs together, trying his best to will away his progressively hardening erection. That, of course, did not work. And it didn’t help in the slightest that every time he so much as blinked, the image of you in the shower came rushing to the forefront of his mind, still fresh and vivid and devastating. 
Oh god. There was no was no way he could go back to working on the project now. If he thought he was being unproductive before— he probably wouldn’t be able to get a single legible word written with the image of you and your body burned into the back of his eyelids. 
He was doomed. 
And he still needed to pee. 
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It was about nine at night when the low voices transformed into booming laughter, the walls practically vibrating under the barrage of stomping feet. It didn’t take a genius to deduce that they’d finished up on their project— either that or they mutually reached the end of their attention spans. 
Regardless, you were bored of remaining cooped up in your bedroom merely for the sake of your roommate’s econ grade and needed to stretch your legs a bit. Not to mention you were beginning to crave something greasy and unhealthy. You were almost certain the group of college boys lounging in your living room wouldn’t be opposed to some pizza, fries, and milkshakes from your favorite delivery place. 
“I don’t know about you boys but I’m starving!” You sang brightly as you all but skipped into the room. All eyes swung to you, wide and stunned as they watched you waltz over to where Mark sat in the love seat and throw yourself into his lap like it was the most normal thing in the world. He grunted under your weight, lip curling in annoyance but wrapped his arms securely around your stomach nonetheless. You pretended not to notice the lingering eyes of one particular boy, meticulously curled into the farthest corner of the couch. “Anyone down to order?” 
“Ugh please!” Yukhei exclaimed, throwing his head back dramatically. “I am dying of hunger.” 
The others were eager to voice their own agreement and you turned to Mark with an expectant smile. “Rubio’s?” He asked, already reaching for his phone. 
“Read my mind.” You hummed, pinching his cheek until he hissed and swatted you away. 
It was nothing short of chaos trying to get everyone’s orders, multiple overlapping voices making it hard to discern exactly who was asking for what, but somehow Mark managed to place all of the requests with only a handful of difficulties. Well, all but one. 
The boy’s head jerked up so fast at the sound of his name that you were surprised you hadn’t heard something crack. Up until then he’d been sitting quietly with his knees to his chest, staring at his feet, pointedly avoiding looking in your general direction. He could only hold your gaze for a few tense seconds before his cheeks flamed and he dropped his eyes. 
“I– uh– y- yes?” He coughed, blinking hard. 
You tilted your head, offering him an innocent smile. “Is there anything you’d like to eat?” You couldn’t stop yourself from adding an unnecessarily suggestive pitch to the question, words dancing wickedly across your tongue. 
Taeyong swallowed and pulled his knees tighter to his chest. “I– I’ll just have some of the- the pizza.” The words tumbled clumsily out of his mouth and your grin only widened as he became more and more flustered under the heat of your persistent stare. 
“Perfect. Then we can share.” 
The poor boy nearly choked on air when you abruptly pushed yourself off of Mark and sauntered over to where he sat, squeezing in between him and an eager Yukhei, who was more than happy to make room for you. His entire body went rigid, brief panic shooting across his features as you made yourself comfortable. It was tight with Jaehyun, Lucas, Taeyong and now you all squished onto the couch, so you were practically flush against him, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. You pretended not to notice that he was holding his breath. 
“Thirty minutes.” Mark announced, shutting off his phone and shoving it back into his pocket. 
“What should we do while we wait?” Jaehyun asked, ignoring Yukhei as he whined about how he’d be dead of starvation before the food even arrived. 
“Movie?” Haechan suggested. 
You perked. “I know a good one.” 
“No— no.” Mark cut in quickly, pointing a finger with the intention to reprimand in your direction. “Every time you pick a movie it’s either fucked up or really fucked up. So no.” 
“Don’t be a pussy, Mark.” You huffed, wrinkling your nose at him. “Just because you don’t like horror movies doesn’t mean your friends don’t.” 
“I, for one, love a good horror movie!” Yukhei remarked, a smug grin breaking across his lips as he shot a flirtatious wink in your direction. 
Haechan scoffed. “Bullshit! You couldn’t sleep alone for a week after we watched The Shining. And that wasn’t even scary!” 
“There was a tidal wave of blood.” He grumbled defensively, crossing his arms over his chest as he slumped, lower lip jutting out dramatically.
“No tidal wave of blood is this one, promise.” You snickered, snatching the remote from the cluttered coffee table and switching on the television. It only took a few minutes of browsing through Netflix before you finally located the movie you’d saved to your watch list a few weeks ago but had never gotten the chance to watch. 
Marked hopped up to flick off the lights as you pressed play, any excited or nervous murmurs coming to a halt as the opening credits rolled across the screen. Beside you, Taeyong tensed, squeezing his legs even tighter to his chest. You glanced at him from the corner of your eye, not missing the nervous way he gnawed at his lower lip even in the darkness. 
“Not good with horror movies?” You hummed, nudging his knee. He flinched in surprise, eyes shooting over to meet yours before he quickly diverted his attention back to the screen. 
“No, not– not really.” He admitted weakly, clearing his throat. 
A playful smirk twirled onto your lips and you subtly leaned into him, whispering near his ear, “you can hold my hand if you get scared.” 
A fierce blush consumed his cheeks, illuminated by the soft grey light of the television. “I– I’ll be okay.” He coughed when his voice cracked and you chuckled under your breath, opting to cut the poor boy some slack… for now. 
The movie progressed with the usual eerie start before transitioning into something lighter, though the low hum of anticipation-building music never ceased. Even if at some point it became rather repetitive, you thoroughly enjoyed a good horror movie. Most of the time, they failed to meet expectations and you left feeling rather disappointed that your stomach hadn’t leapt into your throat any point throughout the film. However, every once in a while, you were pleasantly surprised. 
Now, was not one of those times. 
Boredom quickly settled over you as the plot developed, revealing itself to be almost identical to a number of horror movies you’d watched in the past. You slumped back in your seat, a subtle scowl staining your lips. But then… inspiration. Devious, unquestionably self indulgent inspiration that risked putting a certain someone in a possibly very awkward (but also very delightful) position. 
The slow slide of your eyes from the television over to the boy seated at your left revealed that not everyone found the movie to be boring and repetitive. Taeyong was practically trembling. He had both of his hands over his face, wide, uncertain eyes peeking out timidly from between his index and middle fingers. 
You had to sink your teeth into your lip in order to subdue the large grin threatening to break across your face. 
Fuck, he’s too adorable. 
Unable to resist, you allowed a curious hand to wander towards his leg. With a brush so subtle it could’ve been mistaken for a breeze, you traced a finger over the seam of his pants. But, with his senses on high alert, it wasn’t a sensation he missed. He jolted violently, head swinging in your direction. There was fear in his eyes, but it quickly melted into relief else once he realized it was you and not some demon. 
Then his eyes drifted to where your finger lingered, hovering over his clothed thigh, and the relief transformed into something else entirely. Something hot and shameful and desperate, something he tried to hide behind frantically fluttering eyelids and quivering lips. But it was unmistakable. 
You lifted your brows, a silent question swirling in your gaze. He swallowed, breath coming out in quick, shallow huffs as the unnameable emotion thickened inside of him, then he nudged his leg shyly towards you. The air you didn’t realize you were holding in your lungs rushed out in one quick exhale, a subtle smirk curling onto your lips as excitement swirled in your gut. Taeyong sucked his lower lip into his mouth as your open palm landed boldly on his lower thigh, fingers pressing gently into the clothed muscle just above his knee. 
For a few minutes, it remained there, not moving any lower or any high, simply resting on his leg and he found himself relaxing beneath your touch. The heat of your hand was a welcome –comforting, even– distraction from the horror movie that had progressed to the point in the plot where the reckless characters put themselves directly into the line of danger instead of taking the intelligent path that would help them avoid it all together. You could feel the tension returning to Taeyong’s muscles as suspense building music poured from the surround sound speakers. 
In a two sided attempt to both comfort and tease, you began gently massaging his thigh. His breath audibly hitched, gaze straying from the screen once more in favor of watching the slow, deliberate motion of your fingers squeezing around his leg. That alone was enough to set his long neglected desire to flames. It burned within him, hot and dangerous, turning his face a dark, flattering crimson. 
It was too much. He’d never been touched like this before. You weren’t even close to his crotch and he could still feel the distinctive hardening beneath the zipper of his jeans which were growing tighter and tighter with every passing moment. At this rate, he’d make a mess of himself before the movie even reached its climax. 
The mere thought of coming untouched was enough to make his head feel dizzy, a mixture of humiliation and heady lust licking at his nerves. 
He couldn’t believe he was feeling this way, in a room full of his friends no less. If one of them were to look over, even through darkness, it would be impossible to miss your hand laid across his lap or the feverish blush coating his face, illuminated by the dull light of the tv. 
Then, your hand shifted higher. It was a minute movement, couldn’t have been more than an inch or two. But it had his pulse spiking in his veins nonetheless, blood rushing downward. You gripped gently at the inside of his slim thigh, thumb tracing slow, calculated circles into the rough material of his jeans. He trembled beneath the teasing ministrations, jaw clenched to fight back the urge to moan as your curious touch wandered upwards once more. 
“Is this alright?” 
The question came unexpectedly, a sudden rush of warm breath hitting the curve of his throat. He sucked his lips into his mouth, shivering faintly at the low, rough sound of your voice, just quiet enough that none of the other men in the room could make it out. 
He offered a sharp, jerky nod, desperately heaving in deep breath through his nose. The corner of your mouth curled. 
“God you're shaking. Are you that sensitive? Or do you just get off on getting felt up in front of all your friends? How naughty.” You chuckled tauntingly, words borderline malicious. 
“I– I don’t— I’m not—” he swallowed, shaking his head frantically in denial of your words, despite the flames they ignited inside of him. 
“I think you are.” You purred, tracing your index finger lightly over his prominent bulge, eliciting a strangled moan from his trembling lips. He was fortunate enough that at the very moment the sound escaped, some ditzy bimbo began screaming her lungs out in the movie. Still, he slapped a hand over his offending lips, looking around frantically to see if anyone had heard his slip up. Luckily enough, it seemed they hadn’t. 
This was payback, he realized abruptly, this was payback for walking in on you showering. 
But even if it was— 
It felt too damn good. 
His head tipped back, hand surging to cover his burning face and stifle his whimpers as you suddenly gripped firmly at his clothed length. A low, appreciative hum thrummed through your chest as you felt him twitch, delighting in just how responsive he was to your touch. His thighs squeezed together, hips shuddering upwards as you mapped him out. 
The urge to set your teeth upon his neck was almost overwhelming, but you resisted only because it might draw some attention from the room’s other, currently oblivious, occupants. You doubted Yukhei would miss it, even if he was desperately hiding his eyes behind those astoundingly massive hands. 
But shit was it tempting. 
His pretty porcelain skin would look so good painted in varying shades of pink and red. So sweet and pure… you wanted to taint him. 
He couldn’t stop moving now, squirming and quivering in place. He was unraveling right before your eyes, and you were devouring it. What a sight… 
Warmth stirred in your belly, and you rolled your palm down. He jolted violently, then in the next second he was up on his feet. It happened so quickly that you nearly fell over, just barely catching yourself from falling into the spot he previously occupied. Yukhei shrieked in shock, throwing himself directly into Jaehyun’s lap. 
“Fuck, Taeyong! You almost gave me a heart attack!” Haechan shrilled, clutching a pillow against his chest. Instead of responding, Taeyong jerked forward, the movement sharp and robotic, like his body wasn’t quite caught up to his brain. 
“What are you doing?” Doyoung asked, squinting at him through the darkness. “And why do you look so—” 
“B- B- Bathroom!” Taeyong squeaked out abruptly. You could only watch with wide eyes and gaping lips as he proceeded to run out of the living room like his ass was on fire. 
“Movie must’ve freaked him out.” Johnny muttered. 
“It’s not even that bad.” Yukhei scoffed in a voice too high pitched for his words to sound believable, grunting when Jaehyun shoved him off of his lap. Noisy banter was quick ensue. Noisy and distracting enough for you to make a quick and silent escape without catching any of the other boys’ attention. 
“Taeyong?” You called softly, worry churning in your gut that you overstepped or upset him. “Tae, I’m sorry if I—” you gasped, words cutting off in your throat as a hand found your wrist and you were quickly tugged around the corner and into the unlit hallway. 
The motion was so unexpected you ended up tripping over your own feet, having to slam a hand against the wall to steady yourself. But it was only when you felt a rush of quick, warm breath against your face that you realized the position you’d gotten yourself into. Taeyong was standing in front of you, face flushed a feverish shade of red, faint perspiration glistening on his skin, and he was standing with his spine flush against the wall, effectively caged in by your body. And he was looking at you. 
Really looking at you. 
With the kind of eyes that had something tightening deliciously in the pit of your stomach, chills of excitement ricocheting through your veins. 
“Tae?” His name was less than a breath on your lips, laced with an unspoken question. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, fluttering gaze dancing across your face. 
“I almost…” he swallowed, shivering voice tapering off as he became overwhelmed by the proximity. He could smell your shampoo, a subtle, smoky-vanilla kind of scent that made his head feel dizzy. “I almost c- came.” 
The corner of your mouth swirled, both amused and charmed by the way he whispered the word, tone so innocent and shy that the filthy meaning behind it almost became misconstrued in your head. 
“Do you want to come, Taeyong?” You asked quietly, jutting a knee forward to press between his thighs. He gasped, trembling lips silently caressing the shape of your name as his hands shot forward, clutching desperately onto the sides of your shirt. A shy nod was all he could muster, the words feeling far too dirty to say aloud. But you weren’t satisfied. 
“Say it.” You murmured, nose brushing against his. His breath hitched at the command, warmth flushing through his veins beneath the staggering heat of your dark, hooded gaze. “If you want it, say it. If you don’t, tell me now.” 
“I want it!” He said quickly, only to flush and shrink in on himself, taken aback by his own outburst. Licking his lips, he repeated himself in a much softer voice, “I– I want it.” 
You let out a low hum, curving a gentle hand around his jaw. “Can I kiss you?” 
A shock ran through his body, his wide eyes snapping down to trace to soft lines of your mouth. “Yes.” He breathed, suddenly desperate for a taste of your lips. You didn’t deny him. 
The first brush of your lips against his is light, delicate… teasing. It made his knees tremble, fierce anticipation and wild desire running rampant through him. He opened up for you like a goddamn flower in bloom, melting sweetly when you applied even the slightest bit more pressure. His mouth was soft and warm, his kiss shy. And there was something ever so endearing about the way he clutched at your top like it was the only thing keeping him upright. 
You kept the pace deliberately slow, relishing in the soft moans that fluttered from his chest as you sucked his lower lip into your mouth, gently sinking your teeth into the sensitive flesh. He was wracked by a violent full body shiver when you licked over the seam of his lip. 
God he’s adorable. 
His strong reactions made you wonder if he’d ever been kissed like this before. Or, perhaps, this was a new experience entirely. 
“Taeyong.” He whimpered when you abruptly broke away from the kiss, but you ignored it. “Are you a virgin?” 
His eyes widened, a deep red flooding his cheeks. Then, he nodded, gaze dropping to the floor as the tips of his ears darkened. 
Wicked excitement curled in your gut, heat licking at your veins at the thought of being the first to corrupt such a sweet… innocent… 
“Have you ever been touched before?” 
He shook his head, chest pressing against your with every jagged inhale he drew into his lungs. 
You dipped a hand between your bodies, trailing teasingly down his stomach. “Would you like to be touched?” Your voice had dropped at least an octave, a low, rasping whisper that nearly made him keen. 
“Yes.” A devious grin settled across your lips at the quickness of his reply. Didn’t even need to think that one over, huh? 
You slid your hand over his crotch, feeling his hips buck uncontrollably when you squeezed. “Just looking at you,” you began, toying with his zipper, “I never would’ve guessed what a little slut you are.” 
“I- I’m not a slut.” He whimpered, digging his fingers into your waist. 
“Aren’t you, though?” You popped the button of his jeans. “I mean, take a good look at yourself, Yongie; letting yourself get felt up and teased by your best friend’s roommate while they’re just in the next room over. Seems pretty slutty to me.” 
Taeyong couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped his chest at the degrading word, his cock twitching within the confines of his boxers. Slipping a finger beneath the elastic, you tugged it away from his skin, letting out a playful coo when his weeping pink tip peeked out. The blush on his face intensified tenfold, both of his hands dropping down instinctively to cover himself. But you were faster, snatching his wrists and pinning them against the wall on either side of his head. 
“Don’t even think about it.” 
Shivering, he offered a compliant nod. 
“Good boy.” 
He barely had time to form a reaction to the praise before he felt you around him, stroking and caressing. The responding moan that burst from his lips was loud— too loud. You were quick to cover his gaping mouth, successfully muffling the series of succeeding gasps and whimpers. 
“Careful, sweetheart,” you clicked your tongue, watching the way his eyes fluttered and rolled as you tightened your grip around his cock, “you wouldn’t want your hyungs to find out what a little slut you’re being, now would you? Mark was so kind, inviting you into his home… How do you think he’d feel if he were to see you taking advantage of his hospitality, getting your pretty little cock played with by his roommate? How shameless...” 
Taeyong whimpered, and you felt the gentle press of his lips against your palm, followed by a meek flick of his tongue. He was looking at you now, really looking at you, with the kind of pathetic, wanting eyes that never failed to make your skin burn in excitement. You wondered if you could make him cry, overwhelm him with pleasure to the point where he couldn’t keep his emotions at bay. The desire to ruin him was almost unbearable. 
Swirling your thumb over his tip, you slotted a leg between his, pressing up against him from underneath. He nearly keened at the pressure, hips rolling greedily over your thigh, simultaneously pumping his cock into your closed fist. Heaven, this must be heaven. Honestly, you hadn’t expected him to succumb to his desires so readily, with such… enthusiasm. But this Taeyong surprised you at every turn. You’d thought he’d be shy, reserved, hesitant to give in, but here he was, riding your thigh and fucking your hand like his life depended on it, his muffled moans pulsing beneath your palm. 
It’d be a flat out lie to say you weren’t beyond turned on. 
There was a slick warmth building between your thighs, soaking into the fabric of your underwear, and tight knots in your stomach, threatening to burst at any given moment. The knowledge that less than thirty feet away, your roommate and all his friends were gathered and one stray moan from the crumbling man before you could give away all the filthy things you were doing to him stroked the lustful flames blazing through your blood. One glimpse into those hooded, glassy brown eyes told you he was suffering from a similar burn. 
“Turn around.” You demanded, somewhat breathless as you tore your hands off of him. A low whimper escaped past trembling lips at the loss of stimulation, a shiver rippling down his spine as his hard, abandoned cock swung through empty air. Regardless, he was quick to comply, spinning himself around and pressing his palms flat against the wall. You hummed a praise, pleased with his eager compliance, rewarding him with your touch. He gasped, forced to sink his teeth into his lip to stifle his whimpers as your hands slipped over his body: one returning to stroke his dick while the other pushed beneath the material of his top, venturing up to his chest where your fingers set to toying with his sensitive nipples. 
“(y/n)—” he moaned your name desperately, rocking his body back against yours as overwhelming pleasure pulsed through his veins. 
“Easy, sweetheart,” you chuckled darkly, splaying a steadying palm across his hips as they began grinding back into yours, “you sound like you're about to burst.” 
He moaned, shuddering when you caressed his sensitive tip, and an idea struck you. 
“Can you do something for me, Tae?” You asked, voice a low, rasping against the shell of his ear. “Can you suck?” 
Any short lived confusion dissipated from his mind when he felt your fingers nudging at the soft flesh of his lips. A deep blush flooded into his cheeks, but his mouth opened nonetheless, shyly taking your digits inside. 
“There you go…” you purred, feeling his tongue lick delicately at the pads of your middle and ring finger. He sucked, and you lowered your head to press slow, encouraging kisses laced with whispered praises to the juncture of his throat. You felt the soft vibrations of his muffled moans quivering through your knuckles and against your lips. He was shaking, the stimulation to his cock causing violent tremors to wrack his body. He wasn’t far off from release, you could tell as much by the way he was twitching and the slow increase in volume of his sounds. 
But you weren’t finished yet. 
Not by a long shot. 
You pulled your fingers from his mouth, the suction of his lips giving with a lewd, wet pop. A filthy sound coming from such innocent lips. 
Leaning forward, you nipped gently at the shell of his red tinted ear, hand releasing his dick in favor of venturing beneath the hem of his pants. You heard his breath hitched and offered quietly, “Tell me if you want me to stop.” 
Taeyong nodded in understanding, but offered no resistance as you pushed the thick denim down over the soft curve of his ass. His shoulders jumped, a gasp shooting from his lips when you slid a saliva soaked finger between his cheeks, coming to the abrupt realization of what your intentions were. 
“O– oh—” 
“Is this alright?” 
He swallowed, glancing back at you from over his shoulder. “I– I’ve never…” 
You soothed a hand down the front of his thigh, “it’s okay if you don’t want to.” 
There was no judgement in your tone, rather a gentleness to the reassurance that put his buzzing nerves at ease. “That’s not it,” he shook his head, gnawing at the corner of his lip as a soft pink crept across his cheeks, “j– just…” 
Taeyong drew in a deep, trembling breath. Your furrowed brows shot to your hairline, heat twisting in your gut as he suddenly bent himself over, sticking his ass out, practically fucking presenting himself to you. “B- be gentle…” he whispered shyly, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow. 
Steam would surely start coming out of your nose if your temperature rose any further. This is fucking ridiculous. How was it possible for a man to be so cute yet so sexy all at once? This couldn’t be good for your health… 
Smirking deviously, you settled a palm between his shoulder blades, pressing down ever so slightly and watching as he delicately arched his spine. “I’m always gentle.” 
A hiccuping moan rushed from his chest at the first careful press of your finger, his brows furrowing deeply as his muscles tightened in response to the foreign stretch. 
“Relax, sweetheart.” You reminded lightly, settling soothing kisses across his shoulder. He drew in a series of deep breaths, allowing himself to adjust to the sensation of having something inside of him while melting into the tender caress of your cool lips across his feverish skin. You felt the slow dissipation of tension, felt the way he melted beneath you. “There you go…” you cooed, easing into him until your knuckle before allowing him a few moments to adjust. 
He was panting, forehead thudding softly against the wall as his hips trembled, a strange but not unpleasant feeling sparking to life inside of him. 
“Oh…” it was a barely audible sound, soft and breathless of shuddering lips. But you didn’t miss it, didn’t miss the way his shoulders drooped, his walls tight relaxing ever so faintly around the intruding digit. The corner of your mouth curled upwards in a salacious smirk, and you curled your finger experimentally. 
His reaction was instantaneous, a moan of surprise entwined with unexpected pleasure rushing from his flush throat. He glanced back at you from over his shoulder, eyes wide and trembling, hazy with an emotion you immediately recognized as pure, unfiltered lust. Your grin widened, almost triumphant as you whispered, “feel that?” 
He nodded rapidly, a gasp of breath wracking his chest. “Yes,” his hands were curling into fists where they were braced against the plaster wall. 
“Wanna feel it again?” 
The sound he let out was a combination of several things, keening and desperate for the sensation he’d never before experienced. “Please. Please.” 
It was impossible to say anything but yes when he begged like that. 
You rewarded him by stretching him out around a second finger, his knees nearly giving out when you thrust them in as deep as they would go. He was an absolute mess, forced to slap a quivering hand over his gaping mouth when his teeth proved insufficient at keeping his sounds in. You were enjoying yourself perhaps a little too much, enjoying watching him slowly crumble, enjoying watching his innocence shatter into tiny irreparable pieces on the floor beside glistening drops of precum. He was just too irresistible… 
“You’re about to come, aren’t you?” He was nodding before you even finished the question, muffled moans and sobs escaping through his fingers as he fucked himself back onto yours. You curve a hand around the shape of his jaw, tugging his head back at an angle that surely causes a strain in his neck, and slot your lips into his. Shoving your tongue down his throat proves a far more efficient means of keeping him quiet. 
But when you curled your fingers inside of him, subsequently stroking that sensitive bundle of nerves, even your mouth wasn’t enough to stifle the shriek of pleasure that burst from his throat. You were hoping the screams you heard emulating from the other room were enough to drown it out. 
“Keep your voice down.” You all but snarled, curling a hand around his throat. 
“I- I can’t— oh god, it feels so g- good.” He babbled, voice strained from the sheer effort of trying to keep himself from crying out in bliss. “I’m g- gonna come— I’m gonna c- come—” the sound of him choking on his words, gasping for breath around the added resistance of your restricting hold was even hotter than you imagined it would be. 
“Gone on, sweetheart. Let me see you make a mess of yourself.” You kissed the shell of his ear, deciding then to have mercy and offer his pathetic, weeping cock a helping hand. He was finished the moment your fingers grazed his tip, struck with an orgasm so powerful it had his knees buckling beneath the weight of his quivering body. 
His jaw when slack, unleashing every pent up sound he’d managed to keep bottled up thus far. They came rushing out of him too quickly to stop, not that you made much of an effort. You were enjoying the way he was moaning your name like it was his saving grace far too much to care whether or not the other boys were hearing. In fact, the thought of them hearing their sweet, innocent Taeyong whimpering like a bitch in heat, moaning your name, gave you an unexpected rush of delight. 
You didn’t stop fucking your fingers into his tight little hole until you were certain you’d milked him for all he was worth, until he was reduced to little more than a trembling, whimpering mess against your chest, barely able to keep himself upright. 
“Oh my g- god.” He murmured shakily, head falling back to rest on your shoulder. 
A low chuckle slid from your lips as you gently released his spent cock, simultaneously pulling out of him. He winced faintly, whining weakly at the unpleasant emptiness that ensued. 
“That felt pretty good didn’t it?” You teased. 
He bit his lip, humming airily as he melted into your hold. 
“You’re a good boy, aren’t you, Taeyong?” Your words danced over the curve of his throat, flooding his senses with the fluttering implication. Blushing, he nodded, a shy bob of his head that caused the sweat soaked fringes of his bangs to fall over his eyes, clinging delicately to his pretty eyelashes. “Words?” 
“I—” he swallowed, gaze flitting as his face reddened further, “I’m a g- good boy.” 
You mouth curled deviously. Holding your come covered hand up to his panting mouth, you whispered against the shell of his ear, “good boys clean up their mess.” 
His breath hitched, wide eyes jumping over to meet yours. You held his gaze boldly, cocking an expectant brow. Then, ever so lightly, his tongue dipped out from between red bitten lips, kitten licking his come from your fingertips. You could’ve come right then and there, watching him shyly lap his own release from your hand. Honestly you would’ve been happy to stay like that all night, his tongue tracing the lines of your palm, caressing your knuckles… 
But then the doorbell rang, and someone cleared their throat in the other room. 
“Uh… foods here.” 
Taeyong leapt away from you with a gasp, flushing deeply as his hands flew to tuck himself back into his jeans. 
“D- do you think they—” his voice cracked and he coughed as crimson crept up his neck. 
You smirked, not in the least bit ashamed. 
“Oh, definitely.”
A/N; well i dropped off the face of the earth, sorry about that loves. but i think you’ll be happy to know that i have a number of wip sitting in drafts, should i tease the banners? 
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nakamotonudes · 4 months ago
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Obsession (Masterlist)
Jung Jaehyun x Reader
“Jaehyun has a secret obsession. You.”
genre/warning; MATURE. smut. suggestive. a little angst(?). crack. stepbrother!jaehyun. dom!jaehyun. possessive!jaehyun 😈. innocent/fem!reader. weak af reader, for sure lol.
note; trust me this fic ISN’T as DARK as it sounds lmao but read at your own discretion! also thank you to anyone who was waiting for this! i really love you all! 💘💘😭😭
Two (Smut)
Six (possibly?)
- @nakamotonudes
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lee-aveyourmark · a month ago
embraces with jeno!
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- embraces with jeno form a little world of your own that is impervious to any stresses or judgemental looks from the outside
- anyone who dares to try and interrupt you two, they should prepare to get their asses handed to them
- loves it when he his fingers creep just under your top and rest against the softness of your waist
- can you even fathom the idea of jeno just being sososo clingy for your attention and touch
- lets out a soft whine and drops his head on your shoulder, indulging in the way you reach up to cradle his head and place comforting pats on his cheek
- eventually wraps his arms and legs around you as a nonverbal sign that he wants you to focus on him and give him cuddles
- can you tell that words are not jeno's strong suit? can you also tell that physical touch is his love language?
- tries his absolute hardest to exert self-control when other members are around, but immediately pounces on you when you two are alone
- on the flip side, he is melting inside when you just go up to him and bury your head in his chest wordlessly after a long day
- lazy days are spent in bed with jeno stroking your hair and drawing circles on your hip while the two of you soak in the calming thrums of silence and think about literally nothing
- will happily spend time just laying next to you and watching you sleep, occasionally booping your nose and brushing stray hairs out of your face, before sleep takes him over too
- or, when jeno is gaming, you'll sometimes take a nap in his lap and he'll try his absolute hardest to not make too much noise when playing, occasionally smiling at you with the fondest eyes and giving the lightest of kisses onto your head and cheekfjsldkfds i'm blushinggg
- he feels bad if he does wake you up by kissing you
- “i’m sorry, you were just too soft and cute to resist”
- proceeds to engulf you tightly in a bear hug and rock you in his lap like a baby as a form of apology
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athenathesharkwrites · a month ago
Do Something About It - Johnny
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A62— “Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”
Warnings: Explicit language, smut, nudity, nipple sucking, pussy slapping, clit stimulation, unprotected sex(reader is on the pill), bruises, hair tugging.
W/C: 2K
Age Warning: I will not take responsibility because you wanted to read this, but if you’re under the  age of 18+, DO NOT INTERACT OR READ. Do not take this as educational, this is fiction!
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Standing in front of the full-body length mirror in your bedroom, your eyes roam over your body carefully watching yourself, watching how the lingerie set hugged your curves perfectly, you had bought a new set and wanted to see how it looked on you in your bedroom, you hear footsteps moving closer to the bedroom before Johnny appeared in the doorway, he freezes once he saw you in just the lingerie set standing in front of the mirror, you look away from your body and at him through the mirror, watching his eyes practically undress you, licking his lips as he thought of how he would have you for the night.
“Does it look good?” You ask, hoping to catch his attention, you see him nod his head, your eyes move over his body before turning around and letting out a sigh. “Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?” He looks up at you, meeting your eyes, they had darkened, matching his lust clouded ones, he takes big steps towards you, his hands reaching for your hips, he pulls you against him, his lips brush over yours, tasting your sweet delicious lips, the kiss was hungry and almost rough, his fingers press into your skin, feeling your warmth underneath his touch, his hands begin rubbing up and down your sides, he breaks away from the kiss and his lips move along your jaw before down the side of your neck, you tilt your head t the side, giving him more access.
“Let’s test out this set.” He says.
“I think it already did what it was supposed to do.” You say, you move your hips into his, grinding against his crotch, feeling his cock starting to grow hard.
“I meant, let’s see how long it will hold.” He says, his mouth moves over your collarbone, leaving a feathery touch behind as he moves lower, his lips move over the fabric and top when his lips reached your nipple, his lips wrap around it and around the fabric, wetting it.
“Johnny…” You breathe out, you move one of your hands to the back of his head, losing your fingers through his hair, your other hand moves to his cock, placing your palm against his jeans, and start rubbing your hand up and down, feeling him hardening as you do, you could feel yourself growing wet as his lips worked on your nipple, the lacy fabric rubbing over your nipple added to the stimulation you were receiving, you felt his teeth scrape over the fabric before he pulled away, pulling the fabric between his teeth before releasing it, letting it hit your nipple. “Shit!”
“For teasing me.” He says, he slides his hand away from your waist and down to your legs, moving it over your mound. “Spread your legs.” You do as he tells you before feeling his hand move between your legs, his fingers rubbed the outline of your folds, feeling the lacy fabric underneath his touch.
“Fuck!” You curse, feeling his hand slap against your pussy, your clit throbbed in anticipation, you barely started, and you were already needy for him.
“I want you to cum, at least once, while you’re in this set.” He says, you take in a shaky breath as you feel him press his fingers into the fabric, pushing it past your folds, his finger presses into your clit, drawing a gasp from you, he knew your weakest spots and knew where and when to touch to get an orgasm out of you, you feel the fabric moving against your clit as he begins to rub the sensitive nub, his eyes watch you while his mouth moves closer to your other nipple he hadn’t sucked yet, you could feel the bud hardening from the wet patch on your bra. “How fast can you make a mess in this set?” Your clit and nipples were extremely sensitive to his touch, and he was aware of it and was about to take advantage of it, his lips wrap around your nipple, causing the fabric to rub against your nipple, your skin flares up and your eyes fall shut, feeling his finger rubbing your clit and his mouth sucking on your nipple, your hand pauses its movements on his cock, you tug at his hair at the sensation going through you, he could feel your thongs becoming wet from where he had his fingers pressed against you, it even surprised him with how quickly you were growing wet, your hand moves away from his cock and twists into the hem of his black t-shirt, tugging at it.
“Johnny… Johnny…” You moan out, your breathing was becoming shallower and shallower as the seconds ticked by, you could feel a faint tension starting to form in your lower tummy, his finger disappears from your clit, he pulls the fabric out from between your folds and moves it to the side, making you whimper at the friction, his fingers touches your clit almost immediately and begin drawing figure eights on it. “Johnny…” You feel his teeth once again graze over the fabric, his other hand that was still resting on your waist slides over your skin and to the clasp of your bra, he quickly undoes it and pulls away from your nipple, pulling the bra with him with his mouth, his hand quickly grabs it and removes it completely, dropping it to the floor, thankfully the set didn’t have any straps, you squirm in his touch as you feel your muscles starting to twitch. “Johnny.” His lips move over your chest, his tongue flattens against it, sliding over the curves of your breasts before reaching one of your nipples, he flicks his tongue over the bud, you squeeze your eyes tighter, feeling the tension inside you building, and building up fast. “Johnny…” Two fingers touch your clit, he takes the sensitive nub between his fingers and rolls it between the pads of his fingers.
“JOHNNY!” You scream and tug at his hair and shirt, your mind is sent into the clouds and stars appear behind your eyelids, the tension snaps inside you and your release hits you, he pulls away from your nipple and watches your facial expression, watching the pure bliss on your face. “Johnny… Johnny.” His hand disappears from your clit and moves to the elastic band of the thongs, he hooks it with his fingers and pushes it down, it pools around your ankles, you lean forward and lay your forehead against his shoulder you slowly open your eyes, breathing hard from your high, you could see a tent in his jeans, you release his shirt and move your hand to the button of his jeans.
“I like the set, but it’s just in the way.” He says. “I like you better naked, baby.” You softly smile as you unzip his jeans, you push it down with one hand, carefully not to hurt his erected cock.
“I have to say the same about you.” You say. “Like you much better naked.” You remove your hand from his hair and you lift your head, you quickly remove his jeans and underwear, his cock slapping against the black t-shirt he had on, the tip glistened with pre-cum. “Fuck, do I even need to touch you for you to be ready?” He uses his feet to kick his jeans and underwear to the side when they pooled around his feet, he quickly removes his shirt, your eyes move over his chest and toned tummy. “Let me just…” You lean closer and press your tongue against his chest, sliding it over his toned chest, you could see him shiver at the sensation, his skin feeling on fire also, you could see sweat forming on his neck.
“I think I’m hard enough.” He says, he grabs your waist, gripping you with a bruising grip. “Let’s go, you’re riding me.” You let him guide you to the bed, he sits down on the edge of it and pulls you onto his lap, you quickly straddle him, moving your knees onto the bed, his hand wraps around his cock and moves it through your soaked folds, collecting your arousal onto his cock before he moves it to your entrance, you lower yourself down on him, he unwraps his hand from around his cock and moves both his hands to your hips, holding onto you as you sink down on him, your jaw slacks at the sensation of his cock filling and stretching you.
“Fuck… Johnny…” You moan.
“Shit… you always feel so fucking good around me.” He says, your hand's grip onto his shoulders, you look into his eyes as you pause once he was fully inside you. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’re already clenching around me.” You smirk, mischievousness dancing in your eyes. “You little…” You lift your hips, letting him slip out of you halfway before sinking back down on him. “Shit.”
“Fuck…” You breathe out, his grip on your hips tighten, your pace picks up and soon the sound of your wetness squelching filled the room along with the sound of your sweet moans mixed with his, your fingers dig into his shoulders as you roll your hips into his, hips lips crash against yours, tasting you, your hands were starting to slip from his shoulders from all the sweat, causing you to grip tighter, forming bruises on his skin, making him break the kiss.
“Fuck.” He grunts. “That feels so fucking good.” Your lips were swollen from the kiss, your skin glistened with sweat. “I’d have a lot to explain tomorrow.”
“Do you know what that sounds like.” You say. “Like tomorrow’s problem.” You could feel your high quickly approaching, your toes curl as your muscles start to twitch, your legs were starting to become tired, and Johnny picked up on it, he begins lifting you up and down on his cock.
“You’re doing so good, baby.” He says. “Let me help you, we need to finish this, we can’t slow down or stop now.” You tilt your head back, closing your eyes as your mind slowly ascends into the clouds, stars slowly appear behind your eyelids. “Fuck, fuck, are you coming around me?”
“Johnny…” You moan, the tightening feeling that had been growing inside you snaps, and pleasure crashes into you, your grip on his shoulders loosens, his arms wrap around you, holding you close to him, making sure you wouldn’t fall off him.
“Hold onto me, baby, I’m gonna lay you down.” He says, you barely heard him, but wrapped your arms around his neck, he stands up and turns around before laying you down on the bed, you release your hold around his neck and grip onto the duvet, his hands move to your thighs, gripping them as he snaps his hips into you, chasing his own high, you pull at the duvet, your entire body shaking with pleasure, his thrusts became uneven, letting you know that he was close.
“Cum inside me, fill me, baby…” You say, your words sent him tumbling over the edge, and he coats your walls with his load.
“Fuck, Y/n…” He groans, you knew how much those words affected him, he loved to fill you up, knowing that you were both being safe, you could feel the mixture of your releases escaping from you as he rocked his hips into yours, easing himself through his high, you release the duvet and open your eyes, looking up at him, seat rolled down his chest and glistened underneath the lights, he stops inside you and releases your legs, your heels dig into the edge of the bed, his hands slide up thighs and rests on your knees. “Fuck….” He opens his eyes to look down at you. “How many sets did you buy?”
“Why are you asking?” You ask, you could feel his cock slowly growing soft inside you.
“Because I need to be better prepared if I walk in on you trying them on.”
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theje0ngs · a month ago
eloo!! jus want to say that ure one of my favorite writers here :DD ur stories are so well written lIKE T^T
i’d like to make a request too if that’s okay :>
smut 15, 50 + jaehyun (and if it’s okay, can it be like an established relationship au? and with fluff? hehe)
genre/category: smut, est. relationship
pairing: jaehyun x fem reader
word count: 260
content warnings: 18+, oral (fem receiving) , pussy slapping
gela says: aksksj i forgot the fluff part cuz... well, i got hooked on the smut i apologize :/// also for the slow updates kssksj
prompt list | send ‘em here !
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in love is not enough to describe what jaehyun feels towards you. whenever he’s around you, he feels safe, he feels loved, he feels… home. jaehyun never failed to put a smile on your face, to give light on your darkest days, to replace the tears on your eyes whenever you cry.
jaehyun, well, also never failed to make you moan and scream your lungs out.
“i thought your laugh was the prettiest sound in the world. i was wrong, it's your moans.” jaehyun growls, his finger entering your sweet hole as he plants trails of kisses on the inside of your thighs. “let me hear you loud, princess. your sweet moans deserve to be heard.”
“babe, may i remind you that- ooh my god.” you moaned when you felt his tongue run along your wet slit while his fingers moved, “j-jae…”
he ignores your pleas and continues to roll his tongue on your now sensitive bud, pushing you closer to your orgasm. jaehyun has this small hobby whenever he eats you out, which is humming against your pussy while he locks your legs between his strong arms.
“jae… your friends are outside-”
“i don’t care,” he huffed, “louder, i want them to hear you.”
you bit your lip, trying so hard not to make any loud sounds as his friends were playing just outside this room. jaehyun pulls away from your pussy, slapping the sensitive part causing you to moan loudly.
“spread your legs wide and moan loudly, baby. i want my friends to hear whose name you’re moaning.”
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nsheetee · 9 months ago
109 Steps To You
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this is a part of the “almost” collaboration hosted by @hyucksie​
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Pairing: Haechan x Reader Genre: romance, fluff, angst, mature content, soulmate!AU, college!AU Length: 19k Summary: Everyone is born with two marks on their body: one that is identical to your soulmate’s, and one that is identical to the person who will cause you immense pain. No one knows which mark means what until they live out their life and meet the people destined to bring them love and hurt. However, you were only born with one mark. Out of all the places you thought you would meet the person with the mark identical to yours, you never thought it would be on your first day of college. Warnings/Details: female reader, mentions of other nct members (and yuqi from g-idle), explicit sex (unprotected + the consequences that come with it), mentions of a dysfunctional family, swearing
— read epilogue here
a/n: if you’re a minor: beware! there is explicit and mature content in this fic.
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“I want to thank you guys, again, for helping me out today.” You shyly announce to the table, swirling your spoon through your froyo and glancing back and forth between the other people sitting before you.
“Oh, it’s no problem, we weren’t doing anything today anyway.” Xiaojun softly knocks his elbow into yours, sending a reassuring smile your way. If it wasn’t for Xiaojun, an old childhood friend, you weren’t sure how moving into your dorm room and getting settled into campus would’ve gone; you would probably still be a mess right now.
“He’s right. Plus, I really wanted to meet the girl Jun kept raving about, he wouldn’t stop talking about how much we would like you-” Mark’s comment is quickly cut off, a thud under the table and a pained look on Mark’s face giving away that Xiaojun just kicked him.
“I just hope I lived up to the hype.” You laugh at their antics.
“Oh, definitely,” Yuqi quickly buts in before Mark can retaliate back at Xiaojun, “And I live a few floors below you, so just let me know if you need anything at all.” She adds on, her warm deposition and all around friendliness from today making you let out a small sigh of relief, some stress falling off your shoulders when you realize just how many people around you are here to help you out.
“I appreciate it so much, really.” You lean away from Xiaojun and Mark, closer to Yuqi and Lucas who are sitting on the other side of the table, “By the way, I love your guys’ marks. They look so good on both of you.”
At your comment, Lucas puts down his phone and gently grabs Yuqi’s hand, their matching chamomile flower marks touching as their fingers intertwine. You almost didn’t notice their matching marks earlier today when they were helping you set up your dorm room, but when you did, you couldn’t help but stop what you were doing and stare at their hands. Such a simple mark has never looked so pretty to you, maybe it’s because Lucas and Yuqi made such a good pair that their fated marks looked so right for them.
“I still wish I got a cool dragon mark down my back, but I’ll let Jun be the one to deal with that in this life.” Lucas smirks at Xiaojun, who just rolls his eyes at Lucas’ fake jealousy. “Yours looks good, too.” He finishes and glances down at your left hand. There, a dragonfly mark stains your skin, the long tail trailing over your thumb and the wings spreading out over the back of your hand and your wrist.
“Thank you.” Your reply is genuine, however you can’t help but remember the solemn fact that surrounds your mark, your voice inadvertently dipping down as your eyes trace over the wings of your dragonfly.
“So, what kind of classes are you taking this semester?” Xiaojun changes the subject, no doubt hearing the lament in your voice.
“Oh, just some required classes. Nothing for my major, really, except Intro to Ethics for my humanities credit.” You reply as casually as you can to bring the mood at the table back up, but your comment makes Yuqi gasp and all four pairs of eyes at the table turn to you. You slouch in your seat at their sudden attention on you.
“Why would you do that to yourself?”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Do you know your advisor's email? Let’s send them a message right now to get you out-”
“Stop.” You shake your head, laughing a bit at the overreaction from your new friends, “What’s wrong with Ethics?”
“It’s in the Hauss building.” Xiaojun says as if you should already know what that means. You roll your lips in and shake your head; you do not know what that means at all.
“It’s the building all the way on top of the big hill on the west side of campus, by the auditorium.” Xiaojun explains more.
“They only teach three classes over there: Ethics and Music Theory 3 and 4.” Mark sets down his melted froyo, not realizing he has some sticking to his upper lip.
“I’m failing to see what’s so horrible about that?”
“When Xiaojun says it’s a big hill, he means it’s a really big hill-”
“Didn’t someone count the steps once and it came out to be, like, close to 100?” Lucas asks, one hand still tangled with Yuqi’s and the other now rapidly slurping his triple chocolate froyo.
“That was me, and it’s 109 steps.” Mark shutters, “I took Music Theory 3 last year and I ended up skipping half of the time because I couldn’t find the energy to climb up and down those steps three times a week.”
“Why 109? Aren’t groups of steps usually in even numbers? That’s not very architecturally smart.” Yuqi purses her lips and her eyebrows screw together.
“Screw architecture. Are you telling me I’ll have to climb up and down 109 stairs three times a week just to go to Ethics?” You can already feel a headache growing at the back of your head when you think about the complications of dealing with this big staircase. You needed that class for your major, and you thought it was going to be a class that you could pass with flying colors, but it seems like it might just be a nuisance to you more than an easy A.
“Talk to your advisor. Try to drop out and take a different class. Trust me, 109 steps don’t seem like much until you actually have to climb them.” Mark gives you his piece of advice, sticking his spoon filled with froyo into his mouth and then immediately scrunching his eyes and mumbling about brain freeze.
You’ll have to send an e-mail to your advisor real quick, but for your first day of classes tomorrow, you’ll just have to deal with those 109 steps.
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The walk to your ethics class the next morning is very calming, the university’s nice landscaping and the warm weather calming your nerves down for your first day of classes. When you round the corner of the stonewall you had been following, you’re met with the infamous set of steps.
You have to crane your neck to look up at the top of the staircase, your jaw slightly dropping at how steep of a hill the stairs were built on. There are other students around you walking up and down the staircase, their headphones shoved in their ears and their heads down as they make the climb to and from class.
The stonewall you had been following all the way here continues up the staircase on your right and on the left is a thick wall of trees, their branches hanging over the stairs and giving protection from the sunlight to the students below. You begin to count every step on your way up; four regular steps, the fifth one a bit longer than the rest, and then repeat. It’s not that you don’t trust Mark’s words when he said there’s 109 steps, you just want to count for yourself.
You hear some rowdy boys coming down the stairs, but the noise is not enough to pull your head up from the ground or to stop you from counting, until you’re forcefully pushed into the stone wall on your right. Breathing in through your teeth sharply, your left hand clutches your collarbones where the pain is the worst.
“Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to push you.” The guy laughs through his words, a high-pitched and almost squeaky laugh, making him sound not as sincere as he probably meant to be. When you turn to face him, the first thing you notice are his eyes. Chocolate colored and almond shaped, some laugh lines showing from the remnants of his shenanigans with his friends.
Looking back, you realize you fell in love with his eyes first. How they don’t hold back from showing any emotion, and the mischievousness they hold no matter what.
Even when his smile falls, his face looks pretty; long hair hanging down over his forehead and ears, and plump lips spreading into an ‘o’ shape as he looks at your dragonfly. Every line and detail is just the same as his own, as if fate spent a little more time with you two to make sure you know you’re each other’s soulmate the moment you meet.
“Your mark…” The man points at your hand, and that’s when you realize who you’ve just met. His brilliant eyes fill with excitement and he starts to breath harder, taking a step back from sheer surprise that you’re here. His soulmate. His one and only for the rest of this life.
However it all fades away the moment you drop your hand from your collarbones, stepping past him to continue up the staircase.
“Next time, watch where you’re going.” The first words you ever say to him are filled with so much indifference that Haechan can only follow your back with his eyes, his jaw slack and his hand still reaching out for you.
“Hey, wait-” Haechan is about to run after you, but he’s held back by Renjun, his best friend and the one who pushed Haechan into you in the first place.
“Was that-” Renjun begins, holding onto his friend’s elbow as he also watches you walk up the rest of the 109 steps.
“Yeah… Why did she ignore me like that? She saw that I have the same mark. We’re soulmates!” Haechan almost cries out in confusion, his heart and mind in a mess. Can you blame him? He’s been waiting to meet his soulmate since he knew what the dragonfly on his hand meant. Haechan has never been a patient person, and even waiting several years for you to come to him was testing him. Now that you’re here, he isn’t going to let you go easily.
As Haechan begins to walk back up the staircase to follow you, not caring about his Literature class in 15 minutes, Renjun’s grip on him tightens and pulls him back.
“You can’t just go harass her about this.”
“I’m not going to harass her. I just want to talk.” Haechan tries to pull out of Renjun’s grip again, but the little man has the sturdiness of a boulder and pulls his friend back.
“Maybe she doesn’t want a soulmate?” Renjun and Haechan stop their tug of war at Jaemin’s words. He had been leaning against the handrail by the trees the whole time while watching the scene unfold in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest and his baseball cap covering his eyes. “It’s not that uncommon these days.”
Haechan and Renjun let go of each other at their friend’s words. Jaemin sends them a bitter smile and all three of them recall the incident that happened last year when Jaemin met his own soulmate:
A rejection.
Jaemin took it hard; if it hadn’t been for his best friends, he doesn’t know where he would be in life right now. Jaemin can’t help but let the memories surface as he continues to walk down the stairs, slower than before, his head bowed and his hands shoved into his pant pockets. Renjun sends Haechan a look that tells him to not push the situation further, following Jaemin down the stairs.
Haechan sends your retreating figure one last look, watching you reach the top of the staircase and walk into the Hauss building. He retreats and follows his friends dejectedly, the promise of you showing up on this staircase at the same time on Wednesday being the only thing that lets his legs follow his friends down the stairs.
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“Hey, ___, come in.” Mark smiles brightly when he recognizes you at the door, stepping aside to let you into the dorm room. “Xiaojun is in the shower still… Will you be okay by yourself if I leave?” He looks unsure as you set your backpack down on Xiaojun’s desk chair.
“Oh, I’ll be fine. You do whatever you need to.” You state and then plop down onto your friend’s bed. You hear Mark laugh and say something about how all the first years look tired at the end of their first day and then leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. You lay sprawled out on the bed, the only sounds surrounding you is the water from the shower and the ticking of the analog clock on the wall.
Even though the whole ordeal happened several hours ago, you haven’t been able to get the moment you met your soulmate out of your mind. It was almost impossible for you to turn around and walk away. Even now, your feet still itch to go back to that staircase and find the sweet looking guy who you no doubt left confused.
However, you can’t do that— you won’t let yourself do that. And that’s partially why you’re in Xiaojun’s dorm room after your last class today: so that he can knock some sense into you.
The shower turns off and a few moments later, the bathroom door opens and Xiaojun steps out. He has a towel wrapped around his waist and a smaller one on his shoulders to catch the droplets from his hair; when he sees you laying on his bed, he jumps in fright.
“Good, God,” He sighs and clutches his bare chest with one hand, the other protectively going to the towel around his waist. “Can you say something the next time you come over? I almost had a heart attack because of you.” He walks over to his closet on the other side of the room, rummaging through some clothes as you sit up.
“Sorry, I thought you heard the door open…” You trail off, getting distracted by Xiaojun’s mark. The dragon on his back is huge, taking up most of the area and spreading to his shoulders and upper arms, too. However, that’s not the mark that caught your attention. Right on his ankle sits a three-leaf clover, so small and such a stark difference from the monster drawn on his back.
You’re pulled away from your thoughts when Xiaojun turns around and walks back into the bathroom, this time leaving the door open, “So, how was your first day?”
“Oh, well, it was okay…” You trail off, speaking a bit louder so that he could hear you from the other room. You stand up and start pacing in the space between Mark’s and Xiaojun’s beds, a nervous habit of yours.
“But? I know there’s a ‘but’ somewhere.” Xiaojun replies.
“Well, something happened…” You trail off, not sure how to make the words leave your mouth yet.
“What is it?” You swallow at the question, your throat dry and hands clammy. You must’ve been taking a long time to answer because Xiaojun walks out of the bathroom, now fully clothed, and stares at your pacing form. “What’s wrong, ___.”
“I met him.” You say simply, hoping Xiaojun gets what you mean, but he doesn’t. You sigh and sink down to the floor slowly, catching yourself on Xiaojun’s bed. The action makes his eyes widen in fear and he crosses the room in a few short strides, kneeling down next to you and searching your eyes for the answer.
“What? What is it?”
“The person with the same mark as me. I met him.”
“... Oh.”
Xiaojun slowly slides down onto his butt in front of you, folding his legs. He’s not sure what to say, or how to comfort you in anyway. He didn’t expect to be the only person around that you trust when something like this happens. He sees the lost look in your eyes and slides towards you to pull you into a hug.
Unlike Xiaojun, and most people in the world, you do not have two marks.
Xiaojun’s dragon and clover match with two different people in this world; one who will be his soulmate and the other who will bring him immense pain. Everyone has two marks— except you; it even states it on your birth certificate, your parents can testify that they’ve never seen a second mark on you, just the lonely dragonfly that spreads its wings over your left hand.
When you were younger, you were curious about what it meant to only have one mark. The people around you always had two marks, the people on the TV shows you liked to watch always had two marks, even anatomy books have depictions of humans with two marks. Why were you different? What did it mean?
After gathering up the guts to type the question into the Google search engine, you found your answers, and it changed your thoughts on your one and only mark forever. The people in the world who only had one mark testified to the same story online: the person who’s mark matched theirs were both their soulmate and the person who hurt them the most.
After learning about that, you promised yourself that if you ever met the person with the same mark as you, you would not meddle with them in any way if they were only destined to bring you pain in the end.
If you knew jumping off a bridge would definitely kill you, you wouldn’t jump, right?
Xiaojun is the only person, other than your parents, who knows about the situation. Which is why when he hugs you, you lean into him and accept his comfort.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about. You must have so many questions.” He mumbles into your hair.
“Not questions. I’m just curious about what I am to him.” You reply, whispering into Xiaojun’s shoulder.
“About what you are to him?”
“I know he’ll be the person I’m meant to love the most, and also the person who will hurt me the most. But am I the one that’s supposed to love him or the one that’s supposed to hurt him?”
“Lots of people say that they can feel it when they meet. Like Lucas, he said he instantly knew Yuqi was supposed to be his soulmate.” Xiaojun thinks back to all the people who have told him the exact same thing, even his parents.
“The guy… he kept calling me his soulmate. He sounded so sure about it, too.” You lean away from Xiaojun to look into his big and curious eyes.
“What about you? What did you feel?” He asks.
“It felt… like I left a part of myself with him.” Xiaojun’s eyes widened at that, “Is that crazy? I was only around him for a minute, maybe less, and I can’t stop thinking about how I never wanted to leave. It was so hard to walk away from him..” You trail off, feeling tears suddenly gather at the edges of your eyes.
“Xiaojun…” The edge in your voice makes him grab a hold on your hands, “I don’t want him to hurt me. I’m not ready for it.”
“Hey, hey…” Xiaojun squeezes your hands before gently guiding your face to his, meeting his eyes with your own, “He’ll hurt you eventually, yeah, but he’ll also be the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. The person who is going to know you so well, better than yourself. Maybe you should see where he takes you in life? Destiny still wanted you to meet each other no matter what the end game is going to be… Are you really going to tell fate to fuck off?”
“Can’t I?” Your response makes Xiaojun laugh, which he apologises for laughing in a serious situation right after, but the mood is already broken and you laugh at yourself a bit as well.
“C’mon, let’s order something to eat and get your mind off of this, even if it’s just for a few hours.” Xiaojun pulls you off of the floor and reaches for his phone, trying to find the phone number to his favorite delivery place.
You sit on his bed once again, your hands limp in your lap and so much appreciation for Xiaojun in your chest. You probably would’ve gone insane if he wasn’t here for you. His suggestion on giving the guy you met today a chance plays like a record in your head, but the record scratches when you remember the promise you made to yourself a long time ago.
Don’t mess with him. He will only bring you pain in the end.
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On Wednesday, Haechan is the first one out of his seat in his Music Theory 3 class, not even waiting for the slow Renjun and even slower Jaemin before sprinting out of the classroom and outside, waiting at the top of the staircase for your figure to appear at the bottom.
Students float up and down the stairs, but he doesn’t see you anywhere amongst them. Eventually, Renjun and Jaemin catch up to him, standing behind him and also staring down the long staircase.
“C’mon, Haechan, we need to go to our next class.” Renjun is the first one to step down, followed by Jaemin. Haechan takes a good look at everyone’s faces on his way down, getting some weird looks sent his way for staring, but he doesn’t care.
“Haechan.” Jaemin suddenly calls out, making his friend turn suddenly to look at him. Jaemin only nods his head to the bottom of the stairs where you just turned the corner. Despite his hurry from before, Haechan stops at the sight of you. His usual confidence is lost when he sees you climb the stairs. Now, he’s not sure if he should approach you.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Renjun nudges Haechan, but the younger only turns around to look at his friend.
“I don’t know what to say to her. What do I say to make her see I’m her soulmate?” Haechan asks, helplessness seeping into his words.
Renjun rolls his eyes; whenever his best friend needs to be the usual confident man he is, that’s when the confidence is most likely to drain out of him. Renjun shakes Haechan’s shoulders with a tight grip on his jacket, making some more people send the two of them some weird looks.
“She’s your soulmate, right? Fate already gave you everything you need to know about how to talk to her.” Renjun then pushes his friend towards your direction, “But for the love of god, don’t harass her.” Renjun ends with a pointed look and continues walking with Jaemin down the stairs.
Haechan slowly makes his way to you, crossing over to the middle of the staircase and stopping you in your tracks. You look up to inspect who it is that just stopped in front of you, and your surprise fades when you realize it’s the same guy from Monday.
“Hi.” He says simply. You only nod your head, lips pursed, and then move around him to continue walking to class.
“Wait…” Haechan calls after you, but you don’t stop this time. So Haechan keeps walking after you, only one step behind, “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re my soulmate. I’ve been waiting for you for so long—” You sharply turn to face him, making Haechan cut off and tilt his head up to look at you.
“How do you know I’m your soulmate? What if I’m not?” You ask. Haechan shakes his head softly at that, his golden hair moving over his sun-kissed skin as he does.
“That’s not possible.”
“How do you know?” You ask. Haechan loves how curiosity burns in your eyes. He takes longer than normal to speak only so that he can look over your features and memorize them to the best of his ability. Last night, he tried to recall your face but the image came out so blurry since he only saw you for a moment on Monday. He wants to clearly remember what you look like.
“How about I take you somewhere, and then I’ll tell you?” The proposition stuns you, and your burning curiosity makes you want to say yes. However, going anywhere with him would be breaking your promise to yourself, so you decide to forget it.
“Nevermind…” You mumble, turning around to walk up the stairs again.
“You seem like you really want to know how I’m sure we’re soulmates… Aren’t you curious?” Haechan asks, making you stop in your tracks again. This man has only known you for a day, only talked to you for a few moments, yet he already knows how to get you to do something. “I promise I won’t hurt you, and I’m not lying either.”
You take a moment to think about the proposition. You’re really curious about how he’s so sure that you’re soulmates. Sure, you know you’re soulmates, but why is he so sure you aren’t the person who’s supposed to hurt him? You consider taking up the offer, but can you stay strong to your own promise while being close to him?
Curiosity wins, and you turn back around to face him, nodding and making him smile widely. There’s that crinkle in his eyes again, that sparkle against the sun that makes saying yes to him so much more worth it.
“My friends call me Haechan, but you can call me Donghyuck. That’s my real name.” He sticks out his hand for you to shake. You once heard that physical touch brings soulmates together quicker; you’re not sure if that’s true, but you don’t want to test it.
“I’m ___.” You nod at him and grip onto your backpack straps instead of accepting his handshake.
“Haechan, hurry up or we’ll be late!” You both hear Renjun shout out from the bottom of the stairs, “And on our second day, too.” You hear him groan.
“Okay, ___, I’ll see you here at 7pm tomorrow night.” Haechan turns around to run back to his friends, sending you one last wave goodbye and almost tripping down the stairs as he does.
You take a deep breath and turn around to walk up the rest of the steps. You’re unsure if you did the right thing by agreeing to see him tomorrow night, but the deed is now done, and you can only wait for Donghyuck to quench your curiosity.
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As promised, you meet Donghyuck at 7 o’clock sharp the next day. He’s already waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs.
“So, where are you taking me?” You ask after saying your hello’s.
“It’s a surprise.” He smiles and nods his head to make you follow him. He leads you through parts of campus you haven’t seen yet, the buildings looking older and older the further down the path you walk. Soon, Donghyuck takes a sharp turn into what looks like the middle of the forest but is really just a small, hidden extension of the trail.
Under a canopy of tall trees that wave with the wind to you and Donghyuck, there is a skinny trail that leads to glimmering water. It draws you in, your curiosity struck and your feet now moving on their own accord. Bushes tickle your ankles and the smell of some sort of flower you cannot identify floods your senses, but you can only keep walking towards the sparkling water.
The scene in front of you takes your breath away, a crisp gasp that you have no control over leaves your lips. The pond before you is big, stretching further than what you can see. The water is blue and the setting sun’s light reflects off of it to create rippling sparkles. There are some lily pads floating around, their flowers gone due to the temperature dropping recently.
You didn’t even notice that you stopped walking, your eyes wide as you take in the scenery before you. You almost forget who you’re with and why you came, but Donghyuck doesn’t let that happen. You snap out of it when he continues to walk along the trail that leads around the pond. You walk alongside Donghyuck, a few feet away with your hands awkwardly tucked into your pockets.
“C’mon, let’s sit.” He motions to a weeping willow tree. It’s tall and the branches sway pleasantly in the wind, completely unaware and indifferent to the years of history in the area. Underneath the tree is a sturdy bench, you sit on the left side while Donghyuck sits on the right side. Then, you both take a few moments to stare at the mesmerizing water that led you all the way to this seemingly magical place.
“Why did you bring me here?” You ask after a bit.
“Do you not like it?” Donghyuck asks back.
“No.” You quickly reply, looking over his side profile before turning back to the water, “I’m just curious.”
“Something in me knew you would like this place, that’s all.” Donghyuck replies while trying to hide his proud smile, looking down at the grass. “You’re curious about a lot of things, huh?”
“Yeah, I can’t help it. There’s just so much I want to know.” It’s easy to talk to him, a bit too easy. You have to keep reminding yourself that you’re supposed to have your guard up in front of him, but it’s proving harder than you thought it would be.
“Like how I’m sure that you’re my soulmate and not the person who is supposed to hurt me?” Donghyuck leans his weight away from you, his eyebrow cocked in a question. You nod your head lightly, playing with your hands on your lap.
“It’s because I’ve already met the person who’s supposed to bring me pain. I’ve already been hurt.” At his words, surprise fills you up and you turn your head to look him straight in the eye.
For some reason, you always thought that when people meet the person who brings them the largest amount of pain to their life, they couldn’t be the same ever again. How does one get hurt so badly, and still live on?
There are so many ways to hurt someone. Some people become bankrupt, some people lose all of their belongings, some people are even physically hurt by the person who has the same mark as them. How does a person go through any of that and still be themselves afterwards? More importantly, how did Donghyuck go through immense pain and still be able to smile at you like he is right here, right now?
“Here.” He begins to explain, pushing his pants around until you can see his second mark through one of the holes in his jeans, a sunflower on his knee, “My dad had the same mark as me.”
“Your…. Dad?” You ask, still confused.
“Mhmm,” He nods, now tracing the petals of the sunflower mark absentmindedly, “My parents immediately knew something was wrong when I was born. Why would a son and dad have the same mark? When I was growing up, he worked a lot, so I spent lots of time with my mom and grew closer to her. I don’t remember much from that time, but I do remember we were happy. We didn’t have a lot, but we had each other; that kind of feeling.” He looks over at you to see if you’re keeping up with the story. To Donghyuck’s surprise, you already have tears lining your eyes.
“Then one day, Dad comes home and tells us he lost his job. I remember my parents fought a lot the few weeks after that happened, mostly about how to raise me if they had no income. Dad would go out and look for work, but always came back with no luck. So eventually, my mom started working. For a while, the reason we could keep living was because of her.” Donghyuck swallows and pauses for a moment before continuing.
“And then one night, dad came home and told us he gambled. Everything, he gambled everything away. Even the little that we had, it wasn’t ours anymore. That night, my dad told me I was a mistake. My parents never meant to have me, and he said…” Donghyuck purses his lips for a moment. It had been a while since he thought about this. The scar on his heart still hurts when he picks at it. “... He said that he wished I had never been born. Then, we wouldn’t have been in that mess.”
“How old were you?” You speak up after a moment.
“Seven? Or eight.” He nods and sniffs his nose, looking down at his knee. The whole day, Donghyuck was preparing himself to tell you this story. He felt that the only way to get close to you was to open up like this first, to show you that he isn’t someone scary or bad. To Donghyuck’s surprise, telling this story hurts less now than it did earlier in this life. Maybe that means time is working, and his heart is being mended bit by bit.
Donghyuck leans his elbows against his knees, looking at the water once again while waiting for you to say anything. Are you still curious? What do you think of him now?
He was in no way prepared to feel your arms wrap around his waist in a hug, your head resting against his shoulder and your chest pressed against his side. He freezes for a moment, and then melts into your embrace completely. He’s overcome with lovesick softness for you, lightly griping the part of your arm that’s across his chest as his head turns to the side to press a kiss to the top of your head. It’s so quick that you don’t even have time to move away or to react. You just let it happen, as it’s supposed to be.
“You said that something in you knew I would like this place,” You mumble against him. He hears your voice straining with emotion, “Well, something in me knows that you need this right now.”
You and Donghyuck sit there until the sparkling water is no longer fueled by the sun’s light, but by the moon’s. It seems as though now you’ve touched Donghyuck, you never wanted to stop. You’re almost one hundred percent sure that it’s because of the soulmate bond, and a part of you nags at yourself for already chipping away at the promise you made to yourself when you were younger.
However, younger you never knew what it would be like to have a person sit in front of you and share a part of his past with you in an act of confidence and security. Your younger self never knew what it would be like to feel the same pain as someone else, and the pull you felt to touch him after sensing that physical affection would help ease that pain away.
Your younger self had no idea it was this easy to fall into a person, especially when you know they’ll catch you.
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“God, I’m so sick and tired of Accounting. ___, I’m quitting school.” Xiaojun gravely tells you, his eyes not wavering from his computer screen.
“Shut up and do your homework, Jun.” You mumble, your eyes not leaving your own computer screen as you type up your Ethics essay. Three weeks into school and you’re already fully emerged in your classes. The newness of college has faded and now it’s time to start the next four years of studying endlessly for the future.
“Are you guys… okay? You haven’t moved over there in a few hours.” Mark asks from the other side of the room where he’s doing his own homework. He eyes you and your best friend from where you’re sitting on his bed, “Are you even comfortable?”
You and Xiaojun are sharing a blanket, he’s leaning against his headboard and you’re leaning against the wall. Your legs are thrown over his and several textbooks are scattered over the blanket. You’re not even sure which of these books are yours or his, or which papers laying in messy stacks belong to who.
“Yeah, I think we’re okay. We’ve been studying like this since high school.” Xiaojun answers, his fingers moving along his keyboard at the same time. You nod at Mark and he shakes his head, not understanding you two but accepting the answer.
You’re over at the guys’ dorm room enough that Mark is not surprised to see you here anymore, hanging out with Xiaojun or waiting for him to come back from class. It’s not that you don’t like your own dorm room, but it’s always so quiet in there since your roommate always studies at the library. You only hear her come into the room late at night when you’re on the verge of sleep, and when she leaves early in the morning before your alarm rings. Weekends are the same. You don’t really care, but you’ve started to hate the quiet, so you’re glad that Mark and Xiaojun don’t mind you chilling here.
“Argh,” Mark yawns and stretches after a few minutes, throwing his computer to the side and standing up, “I’m getting some snacks from the vending machine. You guys want anything?”
After you and Xiaojun answer with simultaneous shakes of your heads, which creeps Mark out, he leaves the room to get food. The room is silent for a few more moments until Xiaojun angles the lid of his laptop down to look at you.
“So… How’s the guy?”
“What guy?” You ask, still preoccupied with your essay.
“Your soulmate, ___, what other guy is there?” Xiaojun answers exasperatedly, “You never told me his name, so I don’t know what to call him. Actually, I haven’t heard you talk about him since the first day of classes. I was hoping you’d tell me what happened with him, but I guess I have to go digging up your dirt myself.” He rolls his eyes.
“His name is Haechan.” You answer, moving your computer to the side, “And I haven’t said anything to you about him because… I haven’t seen him in weeks.” You admit quietly.
“Huh? Didn’t you say you were meeting up so he could tell you why he’s sure you’re his soulmate?” You nod your head at the question, “So, what happened after that?”
“Well… I kinda, maybe, sort of…. have been avoiding him.” You answer quietly, stealing a glance at your best friend to see him staring at you blankly. When he sighs and reaches for his pillow, your eyes widen and you hold up your hands in front of you, spewing pleas and ‘wait’s. Xiaojun doesn’t care, though, flinging his pillow from behind him and into your face.
“Ow?” You whine after the pillow makes contact with your head and forces you to turn to face the other way, “Was that necessary?” You rub your nose, the part of your face that hurts worse from his attack. You’re used to Xiaojun doing this to you whenever you did something that both of you know you shouldn’t have so that you can “get some sense knocked into you, hopefully.”
“You’re so dumb. So, so dumb. Why would you avoid him.” It’s not a question, more of a confused statement to the general air. “You realize people would kill to meet their soulmate, right? People would do anything to be in your position, but you just hide away?”
“People would do anything to meet their soulmate, but people would also do anything to stay away from the person who shares their other mark.” You retaliate, “You don’t understand. To me, Haechan is both of those people.”
“There you go again, worrying about the future when you’re not even sure about what is going to happen. When will you stop worrying about something you can’t control and start thinking about today?” Xiaojun sounds so tired talking about this topic, a conversation you’ve had many times in your friendship. You wonder if he’s so tired of it, why he keeps bringing it up himself.
Before you can answer, the door to the room opens and Mark walks in, several snacks in his arms, “Hey, everyone, I hope it’s okay I brought a friend. He’s in the same major as me, just a year younger—”
“___?” Mark stops talking when his friend speaks, surprised that he already knows one of the people in the room. Your eyes widen, jaw slackening as you’re unable to even let out a peep from your mouth.
“You know each other?” Mark asks, looking between his two friends.
“Yeah, you could say I know my soulmate.” Donghyuck replies, making both Xiaojun and Mark’s eyes widen. You suddenly realize the situation you’re in: under a blanket with Xiaojun, your pajamas on, and your soulmate in front of you after you ghosted him for weeks. For the first time in a while, your eyes meet.
Donghyuck is mad. You can tell by how his fists are clenched and his jaw is tightened. Slowly getting out of the bed, you try to form some words, but Donghyuck snaps and walks over to you quickly. Grabbing your hand, he pulls you out of the room and down the hallway until you get to the lounge area. When you reach the empty room, that’s when you come to your senses.
“Donghyuck,” You pull your arm out of his, making him turn to face you, “I’m not even wearing shoes.” You hiss, pointing down to your feet as if to prove some point.
“What was all that?” He disregards your comment and hisses back at you, stepping closer so that you’re barely a few inches apart. “You were under a blanket. With some guy. Don’t you feel wrong doing that?” He asks, his hands now on his hips. You feel slightly like you’re being lectured to.
“That guy is my best friend.” You spit out.
“So, do you go around and do that to all of your guy friends?” Donghyuck chuckles vehemently, you can tell he’s angry and jealous, and that those emotions are clouding his brain at the moment. That doesn’t mean his words don’t hurt, though.
“Xiaojun and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. I’ve known you for three weeks, barely. I’m more comfortable around him than I am with you. You think just because I’m your soulmate, I’ll automatically trust you and we’ll all of a sudden be a happy couple? It doesn’t work like that, Donghyuck. I don’t even know you.” You can tell you hurt him by your last words because he turns silent, his shoulders slouching and his anger subsiding.
You can tell you hurt him, hard, because you feel the hurt, too.
It makes you realize how scary the bond between soulmates is. Even though you and Donghyuck haven’t spent that much time together to strengthen your bond, it’s still strong enough to allow you to feel his emotions. It makes you wonder if Donghyuck will be able to feel your pain in the future when he hurts you, like he’s destined to.
“Have you even tried to get to know me? You’ve been avoiding me ever since I took you to the pond.” At his comment, you fold your arms over your chest and look away, not ready to answer that question.
“I’m… just scared, is all.” You manage to reply. Although not the complete truth, it’s not a total lie. Donghyuck completely softens at your words, his close proximity to you feels less threatening and turns into something more gentle. His hand softly slips into yours, but this time with a lighter touch than before.
“You don’t have to be scared, not around me. I’m new to this too, so I don’t know how it all works yet, but this is something we can figure out together. That’s what we were fated to do.” Donghyuck can feel his words pulling you closer to him, he can feel you on the edge and he’s ready to catch you with his arms wide open.
But in the last second, you take a step back and slip your hand out of his, making his drop limply to his sides. You send him a look, something he can’t read, and then turn around and walk back to the dorm he pulled you out of.
He almost had you, almost.
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When midterms come around, you use your upcoming tests and projects as a way to dive deep into your work so that you don’t have to think about Donghyuck. It’s a good plan overall, however your friends quickly start worrying for you and your health. Staying up late several nights in a row and not even being able to remember when the last time you ate is where Xiaojun pulled the plug on your bad studying habits. He confiscated your backpack and dropped you off in front of your dorm building with the promise that you’ll have all of your things back tomorrow morning only if you rest for tonight.
On your way to the elevator, you run into Yuqi, both of your facial expressions brightening when you recognize each other.
“Oh, ___, Hi!” You stop in the middle of the hallway to greet her, a smile pulling at your lips due to her bright hello. “How are you?”
“Midterms are kicking my ass, but other than that I’m fine.” She laughs at your answer, throwing her head back and letting her new short hair ruffle her shoulders.
“I wish I could tell you it gets better, but that would be a lie.” You nod your head in solemn understanding, “Listen, I can’t talk for long since I have a night class, but promise to text me when things slow down, yeah?”
“Of course, I promise.” You nod, just the thought of spending some time with a good friend already pushes away your stress. You wave bye to Yuqi as she begins to turn around but after a loud “oh!” leaves her lips, she turns back to face you.
“Your roommate, her name is Mya, right?” At her random question, you tilt your head in confusion, “She has really long, black hair and big glasses, right? I think I saw her when I was helping you move in?”
“Yeah, that’s her.” You nod, “Why?”
“She found her soulmate today.” You would’ve been more interested in the news if you knew Mya beyond when she goes to class and when she gets back to the dorm, but you feign surprise and nod your head absentmindedly.
“Lucas managed to get a video. It was a whole performance in the quad today, you’d think someone was getting married. I’ll send it to you later.” And with that, she says her last goodbye and runs off. You slowly turn and continue walking in a slow pace up to your dorm room, taking the stairs just so you can have some time to think and be away from people you could potentially run into if you use the elevator.
You’re genuinely happy for Mya, even if you barely know a single thing about her. However, something about a person close to you finding their soulmate makes you sad, considering the situation with your own soulmate. You can’t help but feel a little jealous that there are people who can meet their soulmate and fall into each other’s lives easily.
In times like these, you crave for Donghyuck.
You crave his touch and his words, you crave that comfortable feeling of belonging somewhere you get when he’s around. It’s insane that you haven’t spent much time together, yet you can yearn for someone to the extent that it hurts. It’s been like this ever since Donghyuck pulled you out of Xiaojun’s dorm and you rejected him.
Turning away from him all those weeks ago still haunts you. When you’re struggling to fall asleep, your mind goes to that night. When you let your mind wander, it wanders to that night. You constantly think about stepping away from him, but you’re not sure if you keep remembering the moment out of guilt or shame. One of the questions you keep asking yourself is if you did the right thing. You still do not have an answer.
When you walk into your dorm room, you kick off your shoes and turn on your bedside lamp, falling onto your bed with a deep sigh. You close your eyes for a second, but the peace and quiet of your room is ruined when your phone dings with a notification.
Yuqi’s message pops up, and when you swipe your phone open you can see she sent a video. You click on it and turn the volume up. This was no doubt taken earlier today in the quad, the sun shining and lots of professors and students walking in the background. Under the huge clock tower stand two people, one of them holding a large bouquet of roses. When the clock strikes noon, the bells on top of the tower begin to ring a familiar melody that can be heard all over your big campus. You see the exchange of the bouquet and the two people hug, and then applause rises from the people walking by. You smile when you hear Lucas’ whooping and hollering from behind the phone.
You’ve heard about the tradition of soulmates meeting under the clock tower at your university. Yuqi told you about it when she was giving you a tour around campus at the beginning of the semester. You remember her telling you that it’s really romantic, probably due to the history of so many people getting together in the exact same spot.
Although the idea is rather plain, you do feel your heart strings tug at the beautiful display, glad you could see something like this through a video. Then, as the camera gets closer to the couple, your smile fades and you pause the video, zooming in to get a better view. Mya is no doubt the one who received the flowers, but you can’t help but furrow your eyebrows as you recognize her soulmate.
It’s one of Donghyuck’s friends.
Not the quiet one with black hair that hangs around on the outside of their group, but the shorter one who seemed to simultaneously love and hate Donghyuck, or at least that’s what you gathered from seeing him a few times.
After the realization, you drop your phone to the side and stare up at your ceiling in defeat. Is this fate? If you didn’t meet Donghyuck on those steps two months ago, would you eventually meet him through your roommate and her soulmate? Or is this all just one big coincidence?
In this world, coincidences are harder to find than the work of fate.
Your train of thought is quickly cut off by the opening on the door, you quickly sit up to watch a huge red bouquet of flowers enter the room, followed by your roommate. You’ve only seen her face a few times this semester, but never have her features looked so bright and happy. She also looks startled when she notices you’re in the room, but her happiness doesn’t fade.
“Oh? You’re here?” She asks.
“I could ask you the same thing.” You both chuckle awkwardly, “Congrats, by the way. For finding your soulmate.” You motion to the flowers in her hand.
“Thank you! To be honest, Renjun wasn’t at all what I expected in a soulmate, but I think I love him already.” The sweetness drips from her eyes and words, and you nod and smile, remembering that Donghyuck’s friend’s name is Renjun. Her phone begins to ring and she shuffles the flowers in her hand to look at the screen, “Oh, it’s him.”
She answers the call, speaking quietly as she walks over to her side of the room. You weigh out the options of sneaking out of your dorm and finding a place to chill until your roommate falls asleep. You're not sure if you can talk to her about soulmate stuff and keep up this happy look on your face.
However, all thoughts of those plans leave your mind when Mya turns to you and holds out the phone, “It’s for you?” She says it more like a question, but you’re sure you’re the one who’s more confused.
“Hello?” You ask into the phone, awkwardly looking around the room.
“___? Oh, thank god. It’s Renjun, Haechan’s friend. I need your help.” He talks quickly and shallowly, like he’s out of breath and currently moving somewhere.
“How did you know I’m Mya’s roommate?” You ask, disregarding his cry for help.
“It’s a long story, I promise I’ll explain later, but can you please come to the auditorium? The back entrance.” You hear more voices in the background of the call, but you can’t make out what they're saying. One of them is definitely Donghyuck.
“What’s going on?” At the sound of your soulmate’s unique tenor, you suddenly become more aware of what might be happening. Is Donghyuck safe? Did he get in trouble?
“Donghyuck drank too much and he won’t go home, he keeps asking for you.” At that, you hand the phone back to Mya, who takes it from you with an unsure look. By the time Mya says her worried goodbyes and hangs up, she turns back to an empty dorm room, your phone snatched from your bed and your scattered shoes gone.
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You must’ve made it to the auditorium in record time, not even the climb up the 109 steps could slow you down. When you reach the auditorium, you can hear Donghyuck and his friends conversing loudly and you follow their voices, which eventually leads you to the dingy backside of the auditorium. Donghyuck is sitting on the ground with the hood of his coat pulled up and covering his eye sight, arms crossed over his chest and his lips in a pout. His two friends, Renjun and the black-haired kid, stand above him. The quiet one is shivering in his spot while Renjun practically yells at Donghyuck on the ground, who doesn’t seem to be moving any time soon.
“Hi, ___.” The quiet one notices you first and then all three guys turn to look at you.
“___…” Donghyuck whines out your name and tries to stand up but Renjun gently pushes him back down.
“What happened?” You ask, sniffing your nose when the harsh, cold air nips at it.
“He said he wanted to unwind before his midterms tomorrow but then he went out and had some drinks, a few too many as you can see.” Renjun explains, “We followed him here, he said he won’t go anywhere unless it’s with you.”
“It’s strange. Haechan is a good drinker, I didn’t think he would get drunk so quickly… Oh, I’m Jaemin, by the way.” He introduces himself with a bright smile, as if you weren’t just discussing the drunken state of his friend.
“I’m Renjun, I called you earlier. I promise I have a good explanation for how I know you’re Mya’s roommate, I just don’t think right now is the best time to talk about it.” Renjun explains, his hands pointing towards Donghyuck.
“Right, about him… I think you guys should leave.” Both sober men widen their eyes, looking at each other and then back at you.
“Are you sure you want to handle this yourself? He looks small, but Haechan is kind of heavy.” Jaemin warns.
“Hey!” Donghyuck speaks up, but even his verbalization sounds slurred. When he points an accusing finger at Jaemin, he sways and misses Jaemin’s figure by a whole foot, “Don’t say that kind of stuff to my girlfriend.”
At his use of the word, Jaemin and Renjun stand straight with awkwardness and you sigh, white puffs of air leaving your mouth, “Yeah, you guys should go.”
Renjun and Jaemin give you an unsure look, but turn around and leave the area anyway. Renjun sends one last look over his shoulder with a wave of his hand. You look at Donghyuck after they turn the corner, kicking his shoe gently.
“Hey, get up. How much did you drink?” You’re not actually curious about how much alcohol he consumed, you just want to know if he can even respond to simple questions.
“Babe!” He exclaims when he looks up, “Oh, not much. I could go for another round right now, actually.” His words slur together and he sways in his sitting position against the brick wall of the auditorium.
“You’re not going for another round, you’re going home. C’mon.” You grab onto the sleeve of his puffer jacket, pulling him up so that he’s standing. He immediately falls onto you, his arms around your waist and his legs spread wide so that his head is hidden in your neck.
“Hyuck, you have to walk. Get up.” You pull him up once again, putting one of his arms around your shoulders and giving him more support around his waist. Slowly, you begin to walk away from the auditorium with Donghyuck’s drunk mumbling filling the cool air. His legs barely work underneath him, and he turns his head and leans into your ear every once in a while to sing some random lyric that pops into his mind at that second, like a small concert that he allows only you to hear.
Once you reach the top of the staircase, you stop and take a long look down to the bottom, “Why did you have to come all the way up here? How are we getting down the stairs?” If you start to climb down, Donghyuck could fall and hurt himself. You’re not that strong to begin with and your shoulders are already feeling sore from carrying most of Donghyuck’s weight.
“We can ride this.” He giggles and breaks away from you, one of his legs swinging over the handrail so that he’s straddling it.
“No, no, no.” You pull him off, but his shoe gets caught against the rail and he comes falling down onto you, both of you landing on the top step of the staircase. You wince in pain at how your back hits the concrete, but you don’t think about it much as you push Donghyuck off of you and into the space next to you on the top stair.
“Oh, no. Are we stuck up here?” He asks as you brush your hands together to get rid of the little pieces of concrete in your skin.
“Yes, and it’s all your fault. What are you gonna do about it?” You reply, so sarcastically that even Donghyuck’s drunk brain registers the joke. Your heart almost leaps out of your throat when he grabs your hands and pulls you closer to him, gently picking out each little ball of cement in your palms.
“I’m sorry I keep hurting you.” He apologizes. This close, you can smell the alcohol in his breath, mixed with his shampoo and cologne. He smells warm in this cold weather, and you feel like falling into him and drinking up his scent, not even minding the alcohol stench.
“Keep hurting me?” You ask.
“Yeah, that must be why you don’t want to be with me. I have to be doing something wrong for you to hate me.” He sighs, sniffling and enclosing your hands in his, his glassy eyes looking up at you and his long hair hangs down over his forehead and tickles his eyelashes. “I’m a bad soulmate.”
The way he says it makes your heart break. It makes you feel regret 1000 times worse than what you’ve been feeling these past few weeks; as if all of the worry and sadness hit you all at once, you feel like crying.
Isn’t he supposed to be the one who hurts you? Why does it feel like you’re the only one doing the hurting?
“You’re not a bad soulmate,” It’s not Donghyuck’s fault that he got stuck with you, or that things will turn out the way that they’re destined to, “And I don’t hate you.”
“You don’t?” He looks up into the night sky and sways a bit as he thinks, “Then why won’t you be with me? Hm?” He tilts his head, his lips pouting as he thinks. You desperately want to find an answer that’ll soothe him, but nothing you can come up with will give you that result, the truth included.
“It’s complicated…” You trail off, and your answer makes Donghyuck snort.
“How? I’m your soulmate, you’re mine. What else matters?” He laughs incredulously.
“What if you’re not just my soulmate?” You ask him, surprising yourself with how easily you can ask the question, probably because the influence of alcohol over him has you more at ease, “What if something happens in the future? I’m just… looking out for me, and for you.” You explain, trying to sound as vague as possible.
When you glance at Donghyuck, he looks dead serious. You think that maybe he has suddenly sobered up with how deep and calculating his eyes look. One of his hands tighten around yours while the other slowly raises to your hair, pacing himself along the way, and pausing before he touches you. When you don’t stop him, he gently caresses your hair and moves it away from your face, his nimble fingers sliding to your jaw. He moves your face so that your eyes meet his.
“I know I’m drunk, but I can make this promise again when I’m sober. I’ll make this promise every single day for the rest of my life, only if it means you can be there with me to fulfill it.” The severeness in his tone is like a wake up call about how serious this is for him.
“What promise?” You whisper back.
“It’s not just a ‘you’ or just a ‘me’ now. It’s an ‘us.’ And I will do everything I can to not hurt us.”
He says it with so much conviction that you somehow believe him. You finally fall into him and rest your tired head on his shoulder as he welcomes you into his warm arms. Maybe it’s foolish of you to think you two can go against fate’s words, but with him by your side, you feel like you can conquer the whole universe.
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“Stop smiling like that, you’re making it very obvious that you got laid for the first time.” Donghyuck peers over his laptop screen to Renjun, where he has had a permanent smile on his face ever since he, Donghyuck, and Jaemin met up today to study in the lounge center of their dorm building.
“You know, Haechan, I’m not even mad at that. It’s more than what I can say to you.” Renjun tries to hide his widening smile while looking down at his own laptop, but that paired with Jaemin’s quiet laughter leaves Donghyuck bitter. “Didn’t you and ___ make up?” Renjun asks.
“They were fighting? I thought they just weren’t talking to each other?” Jaemin asks.
“Isn’t that fighting?”
“Kids.” Haechan cuts them off, “Not that it’s any of your business, but we were not fighting and we did make up.”
“That makes no sense.” Jaemin mutters and squints his eyes at Donghyuck.
“I’m older than you.” Renjun retaliates, but Donghyuck pretends like he doesn’t hear.
“We’re just… taking it slow.” Donghyuck ends his explanation with a firm nod of his head, and Renjun shuts his laptop and turns to his friend.
“Can you take it slow during the Fair this weekend? I’m planning to go with Mya and accidentally bought two pairs of tickets. I’ll give you the other pair.” Renjun leans into his friend’s side and wiggles his eyebrows.
“At what cost?” Haechan leans in as well and raises an eyebrow.
“Help me with my English project.”
“No way,” Haechan leans back and focuses on his own laptop screen again, “I haven’t even started mine, I don’t have time to help you with yours.”
“Please,” Renjun draws out the word, grabbing Donghyuck’s sleeve and tugging at it so hard that he can’t properly type, “I suck at English, and unfortunately it’s the only thing that you’re better at than me.”
“The only thing?” Donghyuck glares at Renjun. “Now I’m definitely not helping you.” When Renjun whines at that Donghyuck gets a devilish idea, and it shows by the smirk on his face, “... Unless, you’d like to show us how you really need help.”
At Donghyuck’s proposition, he leans back in his chair with his arms folded across his  chest while Jaemin mirrors his actions, his own goofy smile on his face as he waits for Renjun to either accept or deny the proposition, but he hopes he’ll accept it.
Renjun looks between his two friends and sighs, dropping his head down as he mentally prepares himself. When he lifts his head, he looks at Donghyuck with his lips pursed, his pointer finger over them and makes a “kyu” sound that is way higher than his original speaking voice. Jaemin and Haechan immediately burst into as quiet of laughter as they can, Jaemin reaching over the table to poke Renjun’s cheek at his cuteness.
“I never said to act cute, I just wanted you to say please again.” Donghyuck jokes through his snickering, and Renjun immediately stands up from his chair to take a fistful of Haechan’s jacket and pull back his other fist, all cuteness gone from his facial features in a split second.
“Okay, okay, sorry, sorry.” Haechan tries to pull away, his voice rising as Renjun holds onto his jacket tighter and threateningly leans in.
“Hey, quiet down.” Someone whisper-shouts from a few tables away, and it makes Renjun let go of Donghyuck and slowly sit back down. “This isn’t even a library, why are they shushing me.” He grumbles.
“You guys have fun on your date,” Jaemin sighs as he begins to put away his things, satisfied with the study session and with his friends' mischief, “I would go too, but I don’t feel like being a fifth wheel.”
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Once your classes end on the day of the Fair, you and your roommate meet up with Donghyuck and Renjun outside of the Fair grounds. You and Donghyuck walk side by side, a bit behind the other couple as they lead the way, practically in their own little bubble. Your hands are shoved in your pockets to keep them from turning numb from the cold and you try to shove your head as far into your jacket as you can to keep your face and neck protected from the wind. Other than the chilly weather, it’s a perfect day for a Fair.
You don’t seem to notice Donghyuck’s predicament right beside you; he’s trying to find a way to hold your hand, but you don’t move them out of your pockets. Actually, Donghyuck is sure you’re doing this on purpose, since he has been trying to touch you the moment you met up with him tonight.
“So, what do you wanna ride first?” He asks you. After looking around the area, your eyes land on a tea cup ride, where the large cups move in circles and also spin in their spots.
“That.” You point to it. Before you can move, Donghyuck latches into your hand that was pointing into the air and pulls you to the ride, a smug smile on his face at how he succeeded in finally sharing some skin to skin contact.
The ride was, to say the least, nauseating. Not that it was disgusting, but Donghyuck wouldn’t stop spinning your individual cup around in fast circles, and you were so sure that you would fling off any second due to the strong velocity those tiny cups have when they go at full speed. However, walking off of the ride with wobbly legs and not being able to see straight was funnier than you thought it would be.
Donghyuck was actually still pretty dizzy when he tried to win a stuffed octopus for you with a dart game. However, he ended up losing $15 while trying to win the game, and you’re sure he would’ve spent more if you didn’t pull him away. After eating some good food and refilling your energy, the sun begins to set on the horizon in a colorful display of red, orange and pink, and people start to make their way to the ferris wheel.
“C’mon,” You hear Mya say from behind you, “We need to get in line first or else we’ll be waiting for half of the night.” She pulls Renjun by his sleeve and passes you and Donghyuck, practically running to the end of the growing line for the Ferris Wheel. When you see where she’s running to, you stop in your tracks which in turn makes Donghyuck stop. Your intertwined fingers pull you back to each other as he looks at you with a puzzled look.
“I’m… not good with heights.” You confess and look towards the top of the ferris wheel, shivering just at the thought of going that far up into the sky in a metal contraption, “Or small spaces…” You add on.
“That’s okay,” Donghyuck gently reassures, smiling lightly at your sudden timidness about your fears. Honestly, he’s just happy you now trust him a bit more to even tell him what you’re afraid of. “We don’t have to go. We can do something else.”
“Like what?” You ask. Donghyuck purses his lips and looks around, until a set of stairs on the edge of the fairgrounds catches his eye.
“I know a place where we can still get a good view of the sunset without going too far up.” He replies and tugs you along with him towards the set of stairs. They lead down to the park that’s nestled in the middle of your University, which eventually leads to a pedestrian bridge that crosses over a river that runs through your town.
The river isn’t that big, nor is the bridge, but it’s big enough to have your head tilting up in wonder as you gaze at the lights adorning the sides of it, lighting up not only the bridge itself by the sky as well. You’ve seen this bridge from your dorm room, but you’ve never once stood on it, and it looks remarkable from this close up.
Donghyuck continues to lead you over the pedestrian bridge onto the other side, where an outdoor museum that was constructed by art students a few years ago holds several different abstract paintings. His hand in yours, which has been it’s resting place all night, keeps yours warm. You try not to think about how your hands fit into each other like the gears of a hand-crafted watch. The lines on your palms connect with the lines on his; it’s painfully obvious he was made for you and you were made for him.
When you reach the end of the outdoor museum, you turn west and face the sunset just as it’s setting over the skyline. Even though some tall buildings obstruct the view, the colors of the sky stretch overhead and make both you and Donghyuck stand still and appreciate the artwork in the sky.
“You like these kinds of things, huh? Sunsets, and ponds, and that kind of stuff?” He suddenly asks, not talking his eyes off of the sky. You, however, turn to look at him. He has his eyes screwed as he tries to look at the sunset, obviously not liking the bright sunlight.
“You don’t?” You ask back.
“I think... there are more enjoyable things.” Donghyuck takes a while to make up his mind about what he wants, obviously trying not to make the things you enjoy sound bad to him.
“Then we should go.” You turn around, but he pulls you back to your original spot.
“We walked all this way, we’re watching this sunset even if my feet freeze to the ground.” He tightens his grip on your hand and speaks through his teeth, making you sputter out a laugh and hit his shoulder with your own lightly.
“Sometimes, I wonder why fate put us together.” You ask, watching as the sun moves bit by bit, leaving behind trails of light and the beginnings of stars and the vast universe on the other side of the sky. “We’re different. I don’t know about you, but you are not who I imagined my soulmate would be.” You speak truthfully.
Even though there are some strings attached to Donghyuck’s relationship with you, it didn’t stop you from thinking about what kind of person he’d be— what kind of person fate would pick to be your perfect fit. Maybe they would have some sort of major flaw, like an anger problem or a lack of common sense. Maybe they would be an alcoholic or someone who commits crimes.
When it came to your soulmate, you always thought of something bad considering that they were also going to hurt you in some way. You never thought that your soulmate would be someone as unique and fun as Donghyuck. Fate made it way too easy to be with him, and you’re not sure whether to feel bitter or thankful.
“Well,” He blows some air through his nose, “You’re exactly what I thought my soulmate would be like” Your heart jumps into your throat and beats irregularly when Donghyuck says that, struck with the feeling of surprise once again.
“Mark tells me you’re smart and get good grades, and I know it was you who ordered that soup for me the morning after you took me home when I got drunk. Not to mention, you went out when it was dark to take me home in the first place.” Donghyuck explains, his hand that’s still interlocked with yours waving around as he does so, “You’re willing to help others, you have a good head on your shoulders, and not to mention you guard your heart to the very end.”
“Guarding my heart… That’s an admirable quality? If I remember correctly, it caused you some pain in the past few months.” By now, the last rays of the sun are disappearing over the horizon and night begins to blanket the sky. You turn to your soulmate when he takes more than a moment to answer, watching the way his face reacts to the thoughts turning in his head.
“Yeah, it is a great quality. I think if you completely trusted me the moment you saw me on those stairs, we wouldn’t end up here now. You wouldn’t be the perfect fit for me if you loved me so easily.” He turns to you, a teasing smile playing on his lips. Your interlocked fingers are basically frozen together at this point and maybe your feet really have stuck to the ground, but his words warm you up from the inside out.
“I think I would’ve fallen in love with you even if we weren’t destined to be together.”
Somehow, he manages to remind you of one very important fact that you’ve set aside since the moment you met him. You’ve always put the fact that he’s supposed to hurt you first, and the fact that he’s your soulmate second. However, he is a human and so are you, and you’re both given the opportunity to love one another wholly and truly. People die to have this type of moment. People live their whole lives without experiencing this type of emotion.
It’s time to remember that Donghyuck is your soulmate, first and foremost. He is deserving of love, and you’re now willing to give it to him.
When you pull Donghyuck into you, he feels like it may be a hallucination. Surely your lips can’t be that close to his own. But when he smells the cinnamon on your lips from that churro you had and your fingers sliding up his arm to grip his jacket, he becomes scared that this might actually be a hallucination.
You slowly lean in, almost painfully slow, but Donghyuck doesn’t dare rush you. When your lips do meet, both of you feel complete. The feeling of finishing a lifetime’s worth of work with one gentle kiss is the most delicious feeling ever, different from anything that either of you have ever experienced.
It’s slow and careful, but passionate and full of true love. No matter what happens in the future, it will always be your memory to savor and remember for the rest of your lives.
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“___!” You hear Mark’s voice from your right, turning your head quickly to see him stick his hand up in the air and begin to make his way through the throngs of people between you two. You move towards him, attempting to meet in the middle, but somehow he ends up behind you, and you laugh as you attempt to meet again.
“Hey, Mark,” You look over him, noting how well he manages to pull off the choir robe that everyone else seems to look like a sack of potatoes in, “I didn’t know your concerts could get this packed. You guys could start your own group and make it big.” You look around while adjusting the flowers in your hand so they don’t get squished against your chest.
“Nah, it’s mostly just families that come to these concerts. Since there are a lot of vocal majors, there are a lot of families that show up.” He explains.
“So, what does that make me?” You joke, but Mark doesn’t seem to get it and tilts his head to the side.
“You’re Donghyuck’s girlfriend. That makes you family, right?” At the mention of your relationship, you glance down at the flowers in your hand, the flowers that are meant for the aforementioned boy. You nod, mumbling something like a ‘I guess’ before Mark looks down at his watch and sucks a breath through his teeth.
“Okay, I have to go warm up. Make sure you get a seat in the middle, that’s where it sounds best.” He gives you a quick wave as he walks away, and you manage to send one back. Before you know it, the doors to the auditorium open and people flood in to grab the best seat they can.
You barely manage to snag a seat in the middle, an older lady to your right and a grandpa to your left who seem to be unrelated and didn’t mind you sitting between them. You shrug off your coat as you look around, feeling anxiety build up in your chest. You know you don’t have anything to be anxious for, so you deduct that it’s probably Donghyuck.
He invited you to the concert today. For him, it’s part of his final grade for his vocal class and for you, it’s a chance to see him sing on stage. Strangely, he has talked about how much he loves to perform but never wants to sing in front of you. When he told you he auditioned for a solo in one of the songs, and ended up getting the part, you knew you absolutely had to come today.
Pulling out your phone, you send Donghyuck a text saying that you’re seated and that you wish him to break a leg. You see the read receipt pop up next to your text, and although he doesn’t text anything back, the anxious feeling in your chest subsides and you smile to yourself.
“Those are pretty flowers.” Turning your head to the lady on your right, you glance down at the bouquet of black-eyed susans on your lap.
“Oh, thank you.” You put your phone on silent and slip it into your pocket.
“They’re my mom’s favorite.” Your attention turns to a kid who sits on the other side of the woman. He can’t be any older than ten, and his feet don’t touch the ground as he swings them back and forth and looks up at his mother.
“Oh?” You ask, turning back to the older woman, “Would you like some?”
The woman seems to be stunned by your question, obviously not expecting you to hand over flowers at such a comment from her son. She looks almost flustered as she shakes her head at you.
“No, it’s okay. I bet those are for someone special?” She asks while nodding towards the stage.
“They’re for my… boyfriend.” You mumble, still not used to the words leaving your tongue, even though it has been more than a few weeks now.
“Then you should save them for him.” She nods and you smile back.
“But I want one.” The woman’s son pouts, and the mother nudges her foot against his leg. You laugh a bit, using your right hand to hold down the bouquet and your left to pull out a flower. Carefully, you hand it over to the little boy and he grasps it, his pout turning into a smile while he sings a ‘thank you’ and counts the petals on the flower.
The woman gives you a nod, and you all turn to face forward where the students are beginning to walk onto the stage.
The concert went well; you weren’t familiar with any of the pieces of music the choir performed, and many of them were in different languages, but you still enjoyed the performance by the many music students from your university. You managed to catch sight of Donghyuck fairly quickly, and Mark was just a few rows behind him.
Donghyuck’s solo fit his voice perfectly. Maybe you’re biased, but you think no one would be able to match his tone and technique to fit the song as perfectly as he did. Since it was the first time you heard him sing, you were a bit taken back by how amazing his voice sounds and how much control he has of it. It didn’t look like he struggled to hit the notes, and he looked like he was in his element on stage.
After the concert, you wait on the staircase outside of the auditorium building where you agreed to meet up with Donghyuck. You roll on your feet, jumping up and down slightly to keep warm. You clutch the flowers to you, scared that the cold weather might cause them to bend and begin to wilt quicker.
“Oh, it’s the flower lady!” You hear a familiar voice call out, and you turn your head to see the little boy and his mom from earlier… walking with Donghyuck? He has his choir robe hanging from one arm and his other hand intertwined with the little kid.
“Do you guys know each other?” Donghyuck asks, looking between the three of you with confusion.
“We happened to sit next to each other during the concert.” The woman explains, a grin growing on her face as she looks between you two. “This is your soulmate.” She doesn’t say it like a question, she says it plainly and nods her head in content.
“I’m sorry, did you already know who I was when we met?” You ask her.
“No, until I saw the mark on your left hand. I would recognize my own son’s mark anywhere.” Son? This is Donghyuck’s mother?! Your eyebrows must be up to your hairline and you think your mouth might be open, but you can only focus on remembering every little thing you said to her before the concert started to recall if you said anything dumb.
“Let me introduce you properly. This is ___, my soulmate and my girlfriend. ___, this is my mom, Sara, and my half-brother, Hyunjin.” Donghyuck gently takes your elbow and pulls you closer to him.
“It’s nice to meet you.” You politely greet them as if it’s the first time ever.
“Well, I like her. She gave me a flower.” Hyunjin exclaims.
“Back off, she’s mine.” Donghyuck jokes with the kid. “Thank you guys for coming today, by the way.” He continues, “I appreciate my favorite people being here for my first college performance.”
Donghyuck goes to hug his mom as she sets a kiss to his cheek that makes him cringe away slightly. However, you’re still struck to your spot from being included into Donghyuck’s group of favorite people. There’s a warm feeling in your chest at being included into something so special so early on in your relationship. There’s also some anxiety that comes with it, since promises that are made too early hurt the most, but you push the feeling away and soak in Donghyuck’s unconditional love.
After you all bid farewell to each other, and Sara and Hyunjin leave, you turn to Donghyuck with a deadpan expression, “You didn’t tell me I’d be meeting your family today.”
“Would you believe me when I say that I forgot they were coming?” He asks and you roll your eyes, not believing his words at all.
“These are for you.” You push the flowers into his chest and dig your hands into your pockets so that they can finally get warm, “Your solo was… interesting to listen to.” You say with annoyance dripping from every word.
“Thank you,” He replies cutely, not affected by your irritation. You roll your eyes again, but a smile tugs at your lips as well. “What kind of flowers are these? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them?” He asks while digging his nose into the bouquet.
“Black-eyed susans.” You reply, and Donghyuck gives you a weird look.
“That’s such a random flower.”
“They attract dragonflies.” You explain, nudging his side with your elbow. When you glance over to him, he has a smile playing on his lips.
“Should I be giving these to you, then?” He hands them over, but you push them back at him.
“No way. I’m already attracted to you.” You state, turning around to walk back down the staircase. When you don’t hear any footsteps following you, you turn around to find Donghyuck kneeling over with the flowers clutched close to him.
“Are you okay?” Alarm rises in your chest, especially when he shakes his head at your question.
“No, you just made my heart beat really fast and I’m afraid I’m gonna have a heart attack.” You would roll your eyes again, but you’re afraid they might roll out of your head at this point. You climb back up the stairs and yank on his sleeve jacket to make him walk alongside you.
“___, feel my heart. I swear it’s going to beat out of my chest.”
“Shut up, Donghyuck.”
“No, seriously, I think we should go to the hospital.”
“Shut up.”
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In the morning, Donghyuck loves to wake up next to you. He has always been a spread-out type of sleeper; arms to the side, legs open, laying diagonally across the bed. Once you two moved out of your dorms and moved into an apartment together during your second year of college, Donghyuck’s way of sleeping changed dramatically.
Now, he can’t help but snuggle in, wrap his arms around you, tangle his legs in with yours, and do everything he can to sleep as close as he can to you. Maybe that’s why he suddenly woke up. The absence of you next to him made him shuffle awake, missing the frame of your body next to his like how it usually fits.
He groggily opens his eyes and immediately shivers, catching the open windows in the bedroom letting in fresh, cool, morning air. Donghyuck shivers once again, blindly reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around his head and shoulders, then making his way out of the bedroom in search of you.
He checks the kitchen, but you’re not there. Then he goes to the living room, and he sees your figure outside on the balcony, the curtains that are supposed to be hanging up in your bedroom moving with the wind as they hang next to you. He tightens the blanket around him and opens the glass door. Even though you definitely heard him come outside, you don’t turn around. You have a cup of something warm next to you and you’re leaning against the balcony while staring out into the city skyline, watching the sun rise into the sky to welcome the new day.
“Good morning.” Donghyuck mumbles as softly as he can. When you mumble back a reply, he opens the front of the blanket so he can swallow you into his embrace. His chin rests on your shoulder and tries to guess exactly what you’re looking at, but when he lifts his head to look at your face, your eyes are closed.
“So, do you want to tell me why our curtains are out here and not on our windows like they should be?” He rests his head against yours, also closing his eyes.
“I woke up and suddenly felt the urge to clean them, I don’t know.” You laugh a bit, making both of you move with the movement of your chest. Donghyuck smiles at your reason; one of the things he learned about you when you moved in together is that your work ethic comes in random bursts of energy, rather than carefully planned out schedules to follow. You always have a small goal for every day, and sometimes you don’t even know what it is until it randomly pops into your head. Although he doesn’t really understand how you’re able to work like that, he loves this little quirk anyway.
“Did I wake you up?” You whisper and nudge your head into Donghyuck’s, nuzzling back into him when a particularly strong gust of wind blows over the balcony.
“Not technically, no. You not being next to me woke me up.” He replies.
“Well, I’m here now. How about we sleep some more?” You ask, leaning back against him and looking at his face.
“Best thing I’ve heard today.” He sighs. Without letting you out of his blanket trap, he walks you both back into the apartment and into your bedroom, both of you beginning to giggle at one point when you almost trip over the blanket and crash into the ground.
Thankfully, you both made it back safely to the bed, falling into the soft mattress. Immediately, Donghyuck gathers you in his arms and cuddles you to him, almost like he’s latching onto you. You wrap your arms around him slowly and lean into his shoulder, placing a kiss against his collarbone. You were going to stop there, but when he lets out a whimper at the small press of your lips to his skin, you continue moving up his neck.
When you reach the space underneath his ear, he twitches at how you suck on the sensitive skin, not expecting you to pay closer attention there. His hand slides over your back, between your shoulder blades, and back down, pressing you to him as he caresses you and silently hopes you don’t stop what you’ve started.
You don’t seem to have any intention to do that when you lean back, looking up at Donghyuck’s big, round eyes as they stare down hazily at you and quickly connecting your lips. He kisses back slowly, as if taking his sweet, sweet time in loving you.
“I thought we were supposed to sleep?” You ask between kisses.
“We can sleep later…” He trails off, grabbing your hand and pulling you on top of him so that you’re straddling his hips. “... If you’re really tired we don’t have to.” He suddenly pulls away, his hand comfortably resting over your waist.
“No way. It’s too late for that.” You answer, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it to the other side of the bed. A chill runs through you at the cold temperature in the room, goosebumps forming over your arms and your nipples hardening. Donghyuck wraps his arms around your middle and presses a kiss in the valley of your chest, moving over until he reaches your left nipple and taking it into his mouth.
Biting your lip, your hands find his hair and tug on the long strands. Donghyuck’s hands squeeze your sides and his fingers draw random, little lines over your bare skin as he sucks and plays with your nipples, switching between each one.
“Hyuck…” You whine, giving a particularly sharp tug to his hair when he bites down onto your right nipple. “Please…” You trail off.
“Hmm? Please what? What do you want.” He leans back and looks up at you. You comb your fingers through his hair, pushing it back away from his face and behind his ears. His eyes are clouded and hooded over by the thoughts of you that are speeding through his mind.
“Please, make love to me.” You say it shyly, your eyes looking over his face but not meeting his own. He can’t help but smile at your timidness. You act like it’s the first time those words came out of your mouth. He can’t help but find it endearing how you ask him to make love to you every single time you find yourselves in this position.
“Of course, anything for you.” He connects your lips again, keeping the slow and steady pace from before. He shifts around as he moves his boxers away. Breaking the kiss, you move his hands away and pump his shaft, glancing up at him as he leans back with his weight on his hands and his head leaning back.
He lets out whines every time you twist your wrist, and you almost want to take a moment and stay this way, loving the sounds coming from Donghyuck’s mouth and how he looks as he pants beneath you. However, the tension growing between your legs makes you stop and sit up, pulling off your own pajama bottoms and underwear, throwing them somewhere along with your shirt.
Donghyuck grips your hips with one hand, the other pressing his middle finger to your slick folds, watching you squirm from above as he slides his finger through slowly.
“Just— Can you just do something already?” You almost whine out, grabbing onto his arm hard enough that you leave crescent moons in his skin.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure.” With your permission, Donghyuck positions himself at your entrance and slowly brings your hips down, watching your reaction throughout it all. The way your jaw slacks and drops open to the way you swallow when your hips meet with his, closing your eyes in pleasure at how he manages to fit inside you so perfectly. When everyone says your soulmate is made specifically for you, they really do mean in every way possible.
You sit like that for a moment, before opening your eyes and looking at your lover. He helps you move your hips up and back down, you let out a gsap at the sparks that fly up your spine. Your hips start to move in unison, yours grinding down and his moving up to meet yours in a steady rhythm, like a dance to music only you two can hear.
Your nails hurt when they move over his shoulders and chest, leaving temporary marks, but Donghyuck doesn’t mind. Actually, he loves it when you tug on his hair and scratch up his back, his whines turning into full out groans when you lean in and attach your lips to the side of his neck, pressing hot kisses down to his collarbone and biting down gently in the same place this whole situation started.
“H-Hyuck, I—” Before you know it, you’re so close to your orgasm, it’s basically right in front of you to reach out and accept.
“I know, baby, I know. You can come, I got you.” He answers back messily, using the last of his energy to keep your hips in place and drive himself into you. You let out a shriek at the sudden pleasure, only a few more deep thrusts into your hole and you’re falling over him as your orgasm spreads to every crevice of your body.
Donghyuck loves the way your muscles seize and flutter around him, making him pant and his thrusts become sloppy as he comes as well, his warm seed filling you up as he rides through his high. You both fall into the mattress below, you on top of Donghyuck, too tired to roll over and opting to just rest on his sweaty chest.
“I think that was way better than sleeping.” He says, his chest rumbling underneath you as he speaks.
“What a good way to tire ourselves out.” You yawn.
In the last few moments before your tired bodies fall asleep, you find Donghyuck’s hand and intertwine your fingers together, happily and contently falling asleep with the fresh air coming through the window and the sunlight now fully streaming into the room.
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In the late summer before your and Donghyuck’s last year of university, you attend a wedding. Not just any wedding: Yuqi and Lucas’ wedding.
Although the ceremony is held outside, there’s a nice breeze that keeps the guests from getting too hot and sweaty in the summer sun. The whole wedding is held in a botanical garden and the place is decorated in white and purple, lilacs and daisies filling vases everywhere you go and freshening the air with their scent.
You and Donghyuck walk into the room inside the administrative building that’s designated for the bride. Yuqi is there, her face shining brightly with happiness and a glow that can’t be stolen from her today.
When you walk in, you let out a sound of delight at how pretty your college friend looks in her wedding dress, taking note of the chamomile flowers that adorn her hairpiece.
“Ah, I can’t believe you’re here.” She all but shrieks, embracing you tightly with her small bouquet still in her hands. After she gives Donghyuck a small, welcoming hug, she backs away to look at both of you.
“You look amazing today, I can’t believe you’re actually getting married. Congratulations.” You say sincerely.
“I can’t believe it either, actually. I feel like we’ve been planning this for forever, and now the day is finally here.” She recalls, a blissful look in her eyes even though you’re aware of how much stress she has had during the past few months over this one day.
“Are you nervous?” Donghyuck asks and you nudge his side and send him a look for asking a question like that.
“No, I’m not,” Yuqi laughs, “I feel one hundred percent happy. Like I’m starting the next part of my life with the one I love.”
“I’m glad you can spend the rest of your life with your soulmate, you’re definitely luckier than most.” You muse, and she suddenly softens her expression and takes your hand in hers, gently holding onto you.
“I’m not marrying my soulmate. I’m marrying the one I love. It just happens to be the same person.”
After bidding your farewells and good lucks, you and Donghyuck walk out of the room and head to where the ceremony will be held. He pulls out of sunglasses, propping them on the edge of his nose, and then grabbing your hand and strolling through the exhibits on the way to the ceremony grounds.
Yuqi’s words ring in your head throughout the peaceful walk, specifically how happy she looked to be marrying the one she loves. Somehow, you never thought about separating soulmate from lover; those two people have always been one in your head. You always thought that there can’t be a soulmate without a lover, and there can’t be a lover without a soulmate.
But the moment with Yuqi reminded you of the first time Donghyuck properly confessed to you, the words you can still hear floating through your head whenever your mind wanders off and thinks about him.
“I think I would’ve fallen in love with you even if we weren’t destined to be together.”
Maybe Donghyuck has been wiser than you this whole time. Not that you’d ever admit that to his face, unless you’d like to hear about it at least three times a week for the rest of your life.
Every memory— every year that has passed by with Donghyuck has only grown the idea of soulmate and lover further apart in your mind, and it took the matrimony of your close friends to realize it. You don’t think it’s a bad thing; in fact, you’re lucky that you can call your lover and your soulmate the same person.
You feel something tugging at your hand, and when you look over at your lover, he looks at you expectedly.
“Huh?” You say, dumbfounded since you’ve been in your own little world for who knows how long. Donghyuck laughs, bending over a bit at the funny, bewildered look on your face before straightening up and looking over to you again.
“I said, what colors should we do for our wedding? I personally think I look good in red, but I’m sure we can figure out something less contrasting.” He explains nonchalantly, you realize he’s kicking a random pebble around as you walk. Looking around, confused out of your mind, you turn back to him.
“Are we getting married?”
“Well, yeah,” He does something between a laugh and a scoff before leaning next to you, a serious look that permeates through the shade of his sunglasses, “You do want to marry me, right?”
Your brain is in a complete fritz. If you had a whole day to think about this you could maybe make up a sentence that resembles a sophisticated answer, but you can only shrug.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.”
“You guess?” Donghyuck stops walking, “I just asked you if you want to get married, and you reply with ‘uh, yeah, I guess.’” He mocks your tone and it makes you roll your eyes at him.
“This is the first time we’ve ever talked about this and I got nervous.” You explain, making him relax and stand in front of you with his hands leisurely resting in his pockets. “Of course, someday I would like to marry you. I guess you’re… tolerable.” Donghyuck pushes you away from him and quickly walks down the path, twice as fast as he was walking before. You laugh and follow him, running slightly to catch up.
“Excuse me, Miss, would you like to leave a wish for the happy couple?” A sudden voice stops you, making you turn back around. A man stands with a camera, looking at you expectedly.
“Uh, how?” You look from the camera and back up to him.
“I’ll take your picture. You can write a wish on it and hang it up over there.” He points to the dozens of polaroids already hung up a few feet away, random people posing in the photographs with different color writing on every picture.
“Let’s do it.” Donghyuck comes up behind you, no doubt catching the last part of what the photographer said and pushing you lightly over to where there’s better lighting while taking off his sunglasses and tucking them into his shirt. The photographer asks you to pose, and you and Donghyuck smile for the camera, your eyes slightly shut due to the sun beating down on top of you.
“Great, how about one more for yourselves?” The photographer asks as he waits for the photograph to develop and you agree. This time, Donghyuck wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer so that your back is against his chest. You feel him rest his cheek on your head and drape his other arm around your front. You grab onto his forearm, not knowing what to do with your hands, and then suddenly the picture is taken and the photographer hands over both of the developed photos.
You take the second picture out of Donghyuck’s hands, not being able to look away. The sun seems to hit both of you just right, and the slight candidness of the photo adds another layer of reality to the picture. Donghyuck has a small smile while his cheek is slightly squished against your head, but he still looks as handsome as ever.
“What wish should we leave them?” He asks, picking up a golden sharpie from the table nearby, somehow already having his sunglasses back on.
“Maybe just… Congratulations on getting married?” You suggest.
“And a million other people will have the same thing. We need to be memorable.” He stresses and taps the end of the sharpie against his head. “What do you wish for Lucas and Yuqi?”
“I wish…” You think about it for a moment, “For them to have a lifetime of memories that they can share until the very end.” You nod.
“Oh?” Donghyuck looks at you, “When did you become a poet?” He asks as he writes that down at the bottom of the first picture.
“I’ve always been like this. I’m glad you just now figured it out.” You reply sarcastically, to which Donghyuck replies back with his own sarcastic laugh. He hangs up your picture close to where Mark and Xiaojun hung up their’s, and then turns back around.
“Alright, let’s get this show on the road.” He pushes up his sunglasses with his ring finger and thumb, walking with swagger towards the ceremony and grabbing your hand while he’s passing by.
“If you’re going to be like this at our wedding, maybe I’ll have to change my mind…”
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For one today being one of the most awaited days of your life, it started out pretty regularly.
You wake up from the ringing of your alarm, get ready, and go to your classes for the day. You had breakfast before you left, and lunch right before your last class of the day. Even work was boring as usual, but nothing beat going to the store afterwards.
When you got to the aisle filled with shoes, you were first puzzled by how many options there are. So many colors and styles, you didn’t expect to be so overwhelmed and accidentally spent almost an hour just looking at every individual pair. This had to be perfect. This was going to be a memory that you thought about for the rest of your life.
You call Donghyuck when you approach your front door, he answers almost immediately.
“Hey, love, what’s up?” He yawns through the words, and you can’t help but smile as you look down at the bag in your hands.
“Oh, I was just wondering when you’ll be home.” You open the front door and shut it behind you, taking off your shoes.
“I’m right outside of our building. Did you just get home?” He asks, no doubt hearing the front door from your side of the line.
“I’ll talk to you when you get up here then, see you.” You send a kiss through the phone and abruptly end the call. If Donghyuck is right outside of the building he’ll be up to your apartment in just a few minutes.
You drop the rest of your things down at the front door and hurry into the kitchen, setting down the small white bag with a lace bow on top in the middle of the kitchen table, clearing the table of anything else. You slide into a seat at the table, fixing your clothes nervously as you hear the front door open. Not even a few seconds later, Donghyuck walks into the kitchen, his eyes moving from you to the white bag and back to you.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, dead serious. Your nerves and anxiety, and maybe even some fear, must be strong enough for him to feel. You shake your head and pat the chair next to you. Donghyuck takes a seat, he came through the door so quickly that he didn’t even take his shoes or his jacket off yet.
“Open the bag.” You can’t help the excited smile and small clap of your hands as he reaches out and holds the bag. He gives you a quizzical look, but you only nod to encourage him.
Donghyuck unties the lace ribbon, looking down into the bag for a few moments. You can’t read his face and you can’t feel any emotions from him, and your anxiety grows tenfold. He reaches in and pulls out the little shoes, a light blue color with white stitching. They’re so small, they can sit in Donghuck’s hand perfectly.
“What are these?” He asks, still looking at the shoes in his hand.
“Well, they’re shoes… For babies. For our baby.”
At your reply, he does nothing. He doesn’t react at all, which only worsens your nerves and makes your leg twitch up and down as you wait for him to say something. He swallows and sets the shoes on the table, still looking at then with a blank expression.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yeah…” You reply, reaching out to put a hand over Donghyuck’s, “Say something.”
“I’m not sure what to say, this is very… sudden.” He tilts his head. Your stomach drops at the lack of emotion in his voice. You aren’t sure what you were expecting, but it was not this stoic expression in his face. Whatever traces of a smile that you had on your lips vanishes and you grip his hand tighter.
“I know this is not what we had planned. I know this is kind of… not good timing, since we’re still in school and not married, yet. But this is what fate had planned for us, I guess?” You’re not sure if you’re trying to console him or convince him, but the icky feeling in your stomach tells you Donghyuck’s reaction to the situation is not good.
“Yeah, fate did us real good.” Donghyuck replies sarcastically and you drop your hands from his, resting them in your lap. You can see the tears forming in his eyes even when he tries to look away from you, and you can feel the fear that’s boiling and overflowing inside him.
“I know you’re scared, I’m scared too. But we can get through this to—” You’re suddenly cut off by Donghyuck standing up abruptly.
“I’m not scared. I’m worried.” He rubs his face with his hands. “I’m worried that I won’t be able to support this kid. I’m worried I won’t be able to be here for you through it all. I’m so worried I’m going to end up like my father that I feel like it’s going to eat me alive.” He runs his hands through his hair, pulling his head back as he looks at the ceiling and paces around the kitchen.
“I never knew your father, but from what you told me, you’re nothing like him.” You stand up too, your legs feeling like jello.
“No, you don’t understand. What if I say something wrong and ruin this kid’s life like my father did to me? What if I can’t find a job after we graduate? Are you going to support all three of us? I can’t let you live like my mom did, it was too hard to watch back then and it’ll be even harder to watch now.” He suddenly stops, not giving you a chance to speak as he looks from you, to the little shoes, and back to you. “I can’t.”
“You… can’t what?” There’s panic rising in your voice as he shakes his head and backs away.
“I can’t be here, not around you or this baby. I won’t be a good father.” He turns and walks out of the kitchen, leaving you standing dumbfounded with tears brimming in your eyes. You move to the front door, watching at Donghyuck’s shaking hands pick up his keys and wallet.
“Are you leaving me? Right now?” He doesn’t look at you and he doesn’t answer, opening the door, “Wait!” You cry out. He stops, his shoulders tense and his hand clenching the doorknob.
“What about that promise you made me? Huh? You said that it’s not just a ‘you’ or a ‘me’ now. It’s an ‘us.’ You said you’ll do everything you can to not hurt us.” You ask, recalling the promise Donghyuck made back when you two were young college students, and a promise he has repeated and vowed to you over and over again every time your relationship got into a rough patch.
“I think… that what I’m doing is what’s best for us. It’ll be better if I wasn’t here. ___...” He looks back at your teary eyed figure with one last look of regret, “I love you. I’m so sorry.” And with that, he closes the door, leaving you all alone in your cold and dark apartment.
You jumped off of the bridge. You jumped off a while ago, actually, but the fall took longer than you expected. You thought Donghyuck would be there to catch you at the bottom, but he’s nowhere to be seen now. The fall was peaceful and enjoyable, a soft limbo between making the hardest decision in your life and the ultimate consequence of that decision. The fall was long and made you feel faux comfort, so when you reached the very end, it ended up hurting a lot worse. You knew jumping off of a bridge would kill you, so why did you jump?
You’re not sure how long you stand by the front door, but it’s long enough that the sun sets outside and the room turns dark. You stare at the door, waiting for Donghyuck to come back. You wait for the door to open and for him to run through, hugging you and whispering that he’ll be here for you. You can only walk up to the door and slide down onto your knees, your forehead pressed against the cool wood as you wait.
Tears run down your cheeks silently, your eyes red and your head hurts. You keep your forehead pressed against the door for the whole night, waiting for him to come back. You wait, and wait, and wait. Donghyuck never comes back.
Your heart rips open from pain, it feels like it’s bleeding onto the floor in front of you. Your mind is numb from any other emotion, your body is cold from sitting on the floor, but you can’t get yourself to stand up. That’s when you realize, this is it. This is how Donghyuck hurts you.
What a sick and twisted way for fate to finally serve up her plan. You almost forgot who Donghyuck is supposed to be; the one who loves you, and the one who hurts you the most.
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— read epilogue here
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blu-joons · 3 days ago
He Introduces You To His Son ~ Jeong Yoonoh
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“He’s just like me, and so in that case you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Your eyebrows furrowed as Yoonoh assured you that you had no need to worry about meeting his son for the first time. Although you had heard plenty of stories about his son, knowing that he was like Yoonoh had you worried, having been through enough of his jokes, you couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to be around a second person who could tease you endlessly.
You sat nervously on the sofa as you heard footsteps come down the stairs, messing with your hands in your lap. Your eyes looked to the living room door, as did Yoonoh’s, as his son slowly crept into the room, looking around firstly at you, and then to Yoonoh nervously, tiptoeing across the room into his dad’s open hold.
Your heart was pounding as you smiled across at him whilst Yoonoh lifted him up into his lap. He wasn’t quite sure which of the two of you was more nervous as neither of you quite knew what to say to one another.
“H/S/N, this is Y/N, I told you about her, didn’t I?” Yoonoh asked him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as his son nodded in response to him.
As his eyes looked across to you again, you offered him another smile, trying to figure out what to do in order to impress him. “It’s lovely to meet you,” you told him, standing up from the sofa, kneeling on the floor and offering your hand for him to shake.
“Daddy, is Y/N the one that spilt her drink down herself when you went to dinner?”
“No,” Yoonoh lied, feeling your eyes dart across at him as your cheeks instantly began to darken, “that definitely wasn’t Y/N, so let’s not bring that up again, shall we?”
Your son nodded as he walked across to you, shaking your hand with a firm grip. “I’m H/S/N,” he introduced himself, “and my uncles told me to tell you that you’re not to hurt my daddy.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on it,” you replied.
“They said to tell you that I’ll break one of your bones if you do,” he added, unaware of the bright red shade in Yoonoh’s cheeks behind, muttering an apology across to you as you met his eyes.
Your head shook back at him as you kept the smile on his face, “don’t worry I don’t plan on hurting your daddy’s feelings H/S/N, you can tell your uncles that one too.”
His head nodded as he scrambled out of his father’s hold, making his way across to his toybox. Yoonoh moved onto the floor to sit beside you once his arms were free, moving his arms around your shoulders as you continued to shoot a glare in his direction.
“Wipe that smug smile off of your face,” you warned him, poking your finger against his cheek. “I can’t believe you told him about when I spilt the wine, I thought that we agreed that we would drop that one,” you reminded him, as his shoulders shrugged back at you. “I could share a few embarrassing stories about you too, don’t forget that one Yoonoh.”
“I’ll make it the biggest mistake of your life if you do,” he challenged, pressing a kiss against the top of your head, “I’m sure H/S/N would find it hilarious if I told him about the time that you tripped in the middle of the restaurant and made the waiter drop all of the plates.”
Your head shook as Yoonoh knew that he had you cornered, changing the subject as you began to join in with his son and his game before you could challenge Yoonoh again.
As you watched the two of them, it really was as if you were watching the same person, they had an incredible bond between the two of them, sharing the same sense of humour. Whenever Yoonoh tried to tease you, his son backed you up, or when his son wanted you to do something that would embarrass you, Yoonoh was more than happy to egg you on and encourage you to do it too.
“What do you say about Y/N staying for dinner?” Yoonoh asked his son as the evening began to roll around.
“Does she like pizza?” His son asked in reply, smiling widely as your head nodded back at him.
With the promise of pizza, you didn’t have to think twice about staying for dinner, keen to make the most of the time to stay in his son’s best books too. Whilst the two of you continued your game, Yoonoh grabbed his phone to think about ordering.
“Uncle Taeyong told me to ask you if you loved my daddy Y/N, can I ask you that?”
“Love is a very special word H/S/N.”
His head nodded as he shuffled a little closer towards you, “I got told that for you to really want to be with my daddy, then you have to love him. They said that if you tell me that you just like my daddy, that I have to ring one of them to come and save me.”
You weren’t quite sure what to do other than laugh as his son continued to push you into admitting that you loved Yoonoh. Your eyes watched him closely as he ordered, watching intently as soon as he was done, tuning back into the conversation and quickly realising exactly what direction his son was going in as he spoke to you too.
“What have I told you about not listening to your uncles,” Yoonoh quickly reminded him.
Once again, he found himself apologising to you after the games that the boys decided to play with his son, in order to make getting with you as difficult as possible for Yoonoh.
“When I get back to the studio tomorrow, I’m going to make sure they know how smart they are,” he frowned as his son ran off again to play with some new toys, leaving the two of you on the living room floor together.
“They’re only messing with you; they don’t mean any harm Yoonoh.”
He was thankful that you were so understanding of the boys’ very particular sense of humour, whilst most people probably would have been scared off by how they acted, you understood exactly why they were so protective.
“It seems like they’ve got H/S/N wrapped around their finger too,” you joked.
Yoonoh’s head nodded in agreement with you, “now do you see why I warned you about him? He’s not just got my humour in him, but he’s got the influence of the other boys in him too.”
“I admit, he’s quite a cheeky one,” you smiled as you rested into Yoonoh’s side, “but I can see how well the two of you get on, so all I can hope is that I manage to slot into your family too, I don’t want to disturb him.”
“I can tell that he already likes you,” he quickly assured you, “and just so you know, you definitely don’t have to tell me that you love me, despite what he tells you.”
The smile on your face continued to grow, “I think one day I definitely will find myself loving you, today was quite an important day for me to decide whether I could love you, or more whether you’d love me.”
“Was meeting H/S/N really that big of a dealbreaker for you today?” Yoonoh asked you.
“Of course, impressing your son is a big deal to me.”
“You’ve definitely impressed him, I’ve not seen him smile like that in a while.”
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