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freakie-deakie · 18 days ago
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Lucas // How To: Kill an Idea
I have been really struggling with feeling numb lately and I super projected that onto this character. I really do apologize if it doesn’t make for the most interesting read. I may or may not end up rewriting this when I’m feeling better.
Warnings: emotional numbness and detachment
Masterlist
THIS IS PART 2!!! Read part one here: How To: Hurt My Feelings
Lucas x Reader (angst // 7.3k words); ft. stepbrother!Johnny
The way the lights reflected off the water brought only distant memories of the Han flowing through the city of Seoul and mirroring the life around it. The bustle of the city, the calm of the river banks. The things that you neighbored so long ago.
You could become so lost in the remnants of the past - that you would forget to lose yourself in the readiness of the moment.
You owed the Garonne. After tirelessly looking over you for months on end, you owed her your presence at the very least. How dare you look at her in all of her beauty and only think of another.
She smiled at you nonetheless. The Garonne sat with you one last night and told you how much she would miss you - how much all of Bordeaux would miss you. She told you that the stone buildings, the ones in the alleyway that you cut through every night as you return to your dorm, didn't know what they were going to do without you. She told you that the little birds that had nested outside of your window had practiced a sadder song to sing after you left. She swore that the lights in the city shone brighter than they ever had before when you landed and that they would fade upon your departure.
She made you promise that you would come back to see all of them: the buildings, the birds, and the lights. On your own accord, you promised you would come back to see her.
The Garonne waved you off that night, sending you to bed and wishing you a restful slumber and a safe flight in the morning.
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Tired and stiff, you limp out of the terminal with your laptop clutched to your chest and a yawn escaping your lips. You mindlessly followed the crowd of other travelers to baggage claim and patiently waited for your suitcase to be sorted onto the conveyor belt.
"Pardon me, Mademoiselle," a familiar voice reached your ears, "I believe a poor boy has been waiting far too long to see you here."
You spun on your heel, a bright smile suddenly overtaking your features. "Lucas," you call quietly as you envelop him in a tight hug. You had barely moved for sixteen hours straight, but once in his arms, every desire for motion ceased. It seemed that he agreed, as he latched onto you and refused to let go.
"I missed you," he admitted before placing a kiss on the top of your head and moving to grab your bag off the belt.
"I missed you more," you answered softly.
He took your hand and kissed it before leading you through the airport and down to the parking garage where your brother was waiting, leaned up against his car, and dusting the cigarette ashes off of his sleeve.
"Hey there, Miss France," he says as he moves to envelop you in a hug of his own. "How was your flight?"
"It was fine," you answer simply. "Long, but fine."
"Well, you have an hour-long car trip to give us the highlights of France, if you're not too tired. We could stop by a late-night diner too if you're hungry."
You nodded along as you climbed into the car, enjoying the banter after your long trip. But as you rode in the passenger seat home (funny, you thought, that you still called it home), you took in things about the city that you never really appreciated.
The locals that ignored the do-not-cross signs, the billboards that were so shrouded in smog that you could barely read them, the stray cats that freely wandered the city like it was their own personal playground. All the things that you used to neighbor.
And when you got to the bridge that you'd longed to see since you left, the Han welcomed you home with as much love for you as it had six months ago. You made it a point to tell him about the Garonne sometime. You think he would enjoy hearing about her.
"The pastries," you say simply. "It was France; of course the pastries were the best."
|
Johnny dropped you back at your apartment and your boyfriend opted to stay the night, helping you settle back into the space that you could once again call your own.
Another tenant had contracted your apartment for the time you were away - there were a few more cuts and bruises than you remember leaving, but it was nothing you couldn't patch up. The bed wasn't where you had it, the shower knobs had been replaced, and an empty curtain rod rest stretched along your window seal.
"The stuff you left with us, it's still back at the frat," he chuckles awkwardly.
"That's okay." You offer him a small smile and plop down on one of the only four pieces of stand-alone furniture left in the space, the old black sofa in the same spot it's always been. "At least they didn't take my couch."
"Y/N, darling, I don't know if I would lay on that if I were you."
His words took a moment to register, but when they did your eyes shot open and you were out of your seat comically fast. "Oh God, ew..."
He laughed again and pressed a small kiss to your temple. "Let's take a shower and then we'll figure things out, okay? And you know, you don't have to sleep here tonight. There are no sheets on the bed or anything, so you can-"
You cut him off with a quick kiss and lead him to the bathroom, ready for a warm shower to take away all of your travel pains.
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"Not really," you answered honestly, rolling your head to the side to look at your boyfriend. You'd been looking at his ceiling for a while, head resting on his thigh while he played with your hair. It felt nice, you thought, to get a chance to live in your memories - specifically the memories you had left with him here in his room, the ones that always waited for you while you were away. "All of my days in France were spent doing something or another. By myself, with the people that I met. So no, it never really got mundane. I didn't think that kind of life existed for anyone over the age of nine." You let out a small but heavy breath. "I guess I had to experience it for myself to understand."
Lucas doesn't say anything for a moment. Instead, he focuses on gently detangling a knot that his fingers had caught on. Your hair was longer now than it was.
"I'm happy for you," he reassures you. He doesn't quite know what he's reassuring, but he reassures you nonetheless.
"Lucas?" you ask softly.
"Hmm?" he responds, his gruff voice sounding tired.
"What would you have done if I didn't come back?" His finger stop working in your mess of locks and all of his attention is focused on dissecting what you just asked him.
"I don't know what answer you want me to give you," he says smally, glancing down at you before retraining his gaze on the ceiling, its texture nearly lost in the dark.
"There isn't a certain answer I want. I'm just curious."
"I don't understand the question," he almost interrupts, suddenly a bit tenser than he was only moments ago.
"I don't mean anything by it, Lucas. It's not a loaded question." Your soft voice is enough to lul his hand back to its comforting motions. "Would you have gone after me or would you have let me go?"
"I would have gone after you without a second thought. Definitely, I would have."
"I thought about staying you know."
There's a pause, a small silence of thought on both ends.
"Why didn't you," he asks with genuine curiosity.
"It wasn't home. You weren't there."
|
A wolf whistle follows you into the kitchen the next morning and you feel the need to suppress your groan.
"If I knew you were staying the night, I would have held a cup against the door."
"Oh, gross, Jaehyun," you sneer, turning to jab your elbow into the older boy's side.
"What? Not everyone gets to tour France." You can't help but dramatically roll your eyes and threaten him with a punch.
"Do you want a cup of coffee? I was about to put on a pot."
"Sure," he smiles gratefully. "And you can tell me about Bordeaux while we wait."
"Oh, it was beautiful," you think back as you prepare the grounds. "As the sun was setting, the sky would turn golden. If there were any clouds that evening, they would turn all different shades of pink. The lights over the water - words wouldn't do it justice."
Jaehyun chuckles before yawning out, "Well, that's a first."
"Jung Jaehyun, if you are trying to say that I talk too much-"
"That's not what I'm saying," he defends. "I mean you always have a way with words. It's your thing, ya' know. Words."
You hum, turning back to your task. "I guess I hadn't thought about it that way - at least not for a while."
The door to the kitchen swings open and another boy ungracefully stumbles into the kitchen. Haechan is clad in a plain T-shirt and dark shorts (if you could call them that). His hair is no longer silver; it's now a dusty brown, curling up into the picture of a sandstorm blowing about his head. He looked healthier, or maybe just more mature since you last saw him. He'd filled out a bit, and grown into those long limbs of his.
"Man, what's will all the commotion in here? It's Saturday and- Y/N?" The boy immediately perks up upon seeing you. "Oh my gosh, Y/N! You're back!" He hugs you and sits down at the island beside his older friend, suddenly as energetic as a child on Christmas morning. "Great, because I made a list of pranks we're gonna pull together. Jaehyun, since you're here, I guess you can help us too. Okay, first of all, we're gonna shove a bag of chocolate powder mix down the shower drain. I'd like to make sure that one gets Mark because he blamed me for breaking Johnny's lamp."
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There were things you would have to readjust to in Korea. Things that you didn't think would catch you off guard, yet still managed to turn you around every now and again. The wet bath was one of them; you were going to miss your tub. You also suddenly found bowing a bit more strange than you originally had, as well as keeping personal space when you greeted someone altogether. Most prominently, the language barrier that you weren't so sure you'd ever really overcome in your first life in Korea.
Words were suddenly weird to you again. Ideas that could manifest themselves in one language but not another. At times, there were no proper parallels, nor were there ways in which to express everything going on inside your head.
Though you tried your hardest, what little French you learned simply wouldn't translate properly to English, or the English wouldn't translate to Korean, or the Korean to French, or the French to Korean, or the Korean to the English. The words just never came out the way you wanted them to, and in a way, it was like a piece of you fell away from the rest, lost somewhere between all of your different lives.
Lucas noticed how much quieter you seemed since you'd returned.
You made it a point to generally avoid contact with everyone while you were away. You occasionally checked in with them to let them know that you were alive, but other than that had kept your space. You became more dedicated to learning about yourself and how to care for your well-being. You began making decisions of your own, from what you would eat every night and how early you would wake up every morning to what debacles were worth your time and energy. You decided that most of them weren't. You decided that pondering your life was taking years off of it, and that you didn't like to eat snails. You decided that you weren't so bad after all, and for that matter, no one else was either. You decided to live.
"Hey, can I see something on your Instagram real quick?" you asked softly, setting your bowl of fancy ramen on the coffee table in front of you. "I think one of my friends just had a baby and I wanted to see if she's posted any pictures yet."
Without giving it much thought, Lucas hands you his phone and turns back to his meal. "What happened to your Instagram?" he questioned.
"Deleted it," you quip, pulling up your friend's account. He hears you coo before you shove the device back into his hands, urging him to look at the baby. He thought the child, redfaced and wet, looked like an alien, though he'd never tell you that.
"Why'd you delete it?" he pursues.
You simply shrug and cover more of your legs with the blanket that rested on the both of you. "Didn't need it." He gives you an unsatisfied groan, but you can't think of a better answer. It was simple - while you took plenty of photos to document your life, you no longer found it necessary to post them.
"Okay," he tries, "what about your Kakao Story?"
"Deleted."
"So you no longer use Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Skype, Instagram, or Kakao Story? What if someone needs to contact you?"
"I still have Kakao and Discord."
"Okay, what about my posts? Or your other friends'?"
"If they have something to tell me, they will," you sip your hot tea and lean into his side.
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"It’s like she doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to talk to anyone," groans Lucas as he sprawls out on Mark's bed. "She doesn't talk nearly as much as she used to."
Mark's hand didn't stop relaying notes to his journal as he talked with Lucas, translating as many of his lyrical ideas onto paper as he could keep up with.
"She's not the same person she used to be, Lucas."
Lucas had trouble making sense of it, why Mark sounded so sure about that. It almost hurt his pride that one of his roommates was telling him something about you, his girlfriend.
"Who is?" Lucas rubs his eyes. "We've all grown up since then."
Mark's hand halts. "Since then?"
"Since-" he sighs. "Ya' know, since... Since we..."
"Don't hurt yourself," Mark chuckles. "Maybe," he offers, "this chapter of your life is written in a different style. Did you even notice? That your life hasn't been going the same since she got back?"
"Of course it's not the same," the elder defends. "It's infinitely better."
"Spare me. Look, I'm just saying, the less she talks, the more dialog you're putting in your own book. And I think it's better this way. I mean, I can't tell you how to write your life, but I can honestly say I think you're doing better now than you were before. You started using your words instead of acting on impulse. That's not easy, man. Words are hard."
Words: your staple, your foundation, your life. They were your nothing anymore.
And Lucas didn't know how to understand.
He tried not to take it personally, but soon you fell into almost complete silence both with him and his friends. When you joined them for a Smash Bros competition, you didn't exclaim your victories nor mourn your defeats. When you dressed, you didn't ask for his opinions on the color of your lipstick nor the type of heel you should wear. When you laid in bed with him and watched his fan turn above your heads, you refused to humor his desire to hear your voice. And he took the fault upon himself.
He felt guilty asking anything of you anymore because you never opened your mouth to ask for favors in return.
"Y/N, will you come cuddle with me?" he calls with as much endearment as he can shove into his tone.
This was for your own good, he reminded himself.
You hadn't watched the news in months, and he knew that. You, ever the stickler for meaningful conversation, had devoted large portions of your time to staying up to date before. As of late, however, you preferred "to watch the world crash and burn around you from a first-person point-of-view rather than a third-person point-of-view."
He hoped that sitting you down to watch the news for a while would spark a fire in your opinionated soul. So imagine his reaction when you crawled into his arms and fell asleep, paying absolutely no mind to the colors or words on the screen.
His next plan was to plant your favorite novel in the hands of your favorite philosopher.
This was for your own good, he reminded himself.
He shoved the book into Doyoung's hands with a stern "fix her." Needless to say, Doyoung had the book read within a couple of days and Lucas invited you over as soon as his friend flipped through the pages for the final time.
"A piece of modern art," he suggests. "A sorrow lost to the sands of time and a meaning forgotten by society."
Lucas watches in amazement as you sit and nod along to everything that Doyoung says. You didn't interject your ideas even once. You just listened.
He was running out of ideas. So his last plot was his last hope that there may be a bit of yourself left inside of you. He would take you on a date - the best date you've ever been on - and thrust so much happiness and gratefulness onto you that you wouldn't be able to contain it so silently. He knew it was a dirty trick, but how else was he to make sure that you were okay if you would no longer tell him anything about yourself.
This was for your own good, he reminded himself.
Really, he should have asked you out first, before he came barging into your apartment (tidier than he'd ever seen it before and reeking of cleaner) with a bundle of flowers and demanding your attention for the evening.
Surprise.
He was about to push open the door to your bedroom when he heard a soft sniffle from inside. His eyes widened and his shoulders fell. His heart broke when he heard a small sob fall from your lips.
He peeked inside. It was dark, mind the laptop that sat on your desk and illuminating your shaking form. You laid your head on one arm and used your other hand to rake through your stringy hair. Your glasses had been tossed to the shadowy void and your cheeks were wet and sticky.
The header of your philosophy paper stared you down as you unraveled before it. The rest of the blank page was absolutely daunting. Your acceptance of the world around you had drained away your ability to have a coherent cognitive thought about it, forget about writing one.
To some extent, you missed the days when you were confident in your ability to build empires out of words. Now, you couldn't even build a ten-page paper, especially not by 11:59 pm that night.
To a greater extreme, you couldn't understand why you would want to return to your opinionated ways or your charismatic skills that abused fact until it bent to your will. What purpose did fact or, more importantly, idea have anymore, other than to aid your ability to charm others to abide by your purpose?
It felt wrong to write a definitive philosophical thesis, especially when you couldn't bring yourself to definitively believe in anything particular.
"Y/N," you jumped at the sound of your own name and quickly wiped your cheeks with the back of your sleeves, sitting up straighter and making yourself more presentable before you turned around to face him. Lucas saw it all. He watched you put your mask back on right before his eyes, and he realized that you were hurting in ways that he couldn't see until now.
"Lucas," you cursed your shaky voice. "What's up? Why are you here?"
He takes a few quiet steps until he's standing before you and kneels to look into your eyes. There are things that he wants to say, 'you're scaring me' being the most prominent, but he knows he should choose his words more carefully.
"I want to know what's going on. I want to help." He slips his hands into your own and rests them on your knees.
"I just don't think you can," you answer simply.
"Can you tell me what's the matter?"
You shake your head and the tears come rushing back to your eyes. "I don't know what's the matter." It's honest. You don't know why your head can't wrap around your assignments, or your conversations, or your own thoughts as of late.
All that time spent with yourself taught you how to understand yourself and your own needs. You feel that you have exchanged your understanding of the world around you for a simpler version of life. Did that make you selfish? You didn't know.
All Lucas could do was watch you as you fell back into your frustrations. It didn't take long before your brows were knitted back together, your nose was running, and your eyes had glazed over as you retreated back inside of yourself.
"Y/N," he softly called. Your eyes only met his for a second before they were cast somewhere else and your attention ran away from you once again.
"I think," you started, unsure of every word that slipped past your lips. "I think you should go."
You didn't know how to explain to him that you were afraid of what he might think of you at that moment, or that you didn't want to hurt his feelings any more than you guessed you already had.
"I don't want to go. I'm tired of leaving you alone." He stood, gently pulling you to stand with him, and led you to the edge of your bed with a delicate touch. "You don't have to sleep. You don't have to talk. Just lay here with me for a little while and let me be close to you."
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"You know," Lucas started as he tossed the noodles in the pan. He'd tucked you into the couch earlier that evening and told you to forget the paper you'd been stressing over. You happily complied. "I don't know how to say this any better." You listened keenly as you pulled a throw pillow into your lap and wrapped yourself around it. "I know that this is probably the last thing you want to talk about, but I did something very wrong to you. I'm still sorry, and I hope you know that. But..." He cast you a quick glance over his shoulder before reaching for the seasoning in your pantry. "I don't think I ever gave you the chance to yell at me. Or like, to be mad at me - ya' know?"
You thought for a moment, front teeth chewing on your thumbnail before you shook your head softly and answered, "I don't want to yell at you. I don't want to be mad at you."
You heard a repressed sound of discouragement before looking to see him dishing your dinner plates. "I wish you would. I wish you would yell at me and tell me what I did was wrong. I wish you would be angry with me for a little while. I wish you would just tell me something about how you feel about it."
He handed you your plate and watched as you ran back inside of your own head. He watched your eyes glaze over as you replayed his words, and yet you made sense of almost none of them. You didn't understand what he was asking of you.
You toyed with your food as you tried to process his request. You didn't even notice when he took his seat beside you, nor did you notice the burning gaze he watched you with.
"Y/N," he called, shaking you out of your trance. "I want you to yell at me." You looked at him like a deer caught in headlights - big black eyes staring down a deadly light. "How did you feel when it happened? Shout something horrific at me about what was going through your head at the time."
You took a small bite and swallowed, training your eyes on the coffee table before you. "I don't remember."
You looked so small, so helpless, and so distant. You were there, right next to him, and yet you were so far away. He was having trouble finding you.
"Yell. Break something. For fuck's sake, please."
The more pressure he applied, the further you seemed to slip away. Before he knew it, you were gone.
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"That's not her anymore." He found himself on Mark's bed once again, tucked into the younger boy's covers and pouring out his heart. "She's not all there. She just looks so empty now."
"Dude, I don't know why you come to me for this sort of thing. It's not like I'm just great with girls," the younger quips from his desk chair. "And Johnny would know more about her than I would-"
"No. He absolutely cannot know that I broke his sister."
Mark hummed in thought for a moment before he laid his pen down in his textbook and turned his full body to his friend. "Lucas, be honest with me about something." Lucas nodded. "Did you see anyone else while she was in France?"
Lucas shook his head as he took in his friend's words carefully. He had no right to be mad at the accusation, so he kept his temper in check until a particularly vile thought trotted across his mind. He sat up immediately. "Oh God, do you think that she did? Do you think she considered it a break and she slept with someone else?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying- hey- Lucas, stop." Lucas was already to his feet and out the door before he could finish. "So not my fault," he grumbled to himself.
Finally, it all made sense to him. You couldn't be mad at him if you were also guilty. You couldn't yell at him for committing a sin you'd also committed. He was going to redress the scale. He was going to make you the word again. He was going to be the action.
The solid thuds against your wooden door made you jump up from your floor. Adrenaline spread through your fingertips and you took a step back towards your bedroom.
"We need to talk."
Lucas sounded angry. You pushed and pulled with your memory, but found no trace of experiencing this feeling before: fear of him. You moved against your gut to let him in. You barely opened the door before he pushed his way inside, rattling off accusation after accusation.
"Did you think we were on a break? Because we weren't on a break."
You just listened.
"Did you just forget about me while you were there? Did you just ignore the fact that I was waiting for you? I was stuck here, waiting for you every day while you were in France."
You didn't speak.
"So you just got to do whatever you wanted while I had to sulk here? You just couldn't control yourself, huh? Do you know how hard it was to keep control of myself while you were gone?"
'It was hard?' you thought.
"How about we take another break then? How about this time, I get to sleep with whoever I want? Well? Aren't you even going to open your mouth to defend yourself?"
You didn't.
"Am I wrong?" He prompted. "I didn't think so. Now we're on a break. Now you can fuck around with whoever you want."
Shocked couldn't begin to describe the state he left you in. You stood there, clambering for answers as to what could have sent him on a warpath to your apartment in the first place. His seemingly unprompted fit of jealous rage couldn't really have been sparked without a cause, you figured.
Maybe he'd seen pictures of you with your male friends in France. Maybe a rumor had been spread about you. Maybe he was just tired of you and feeding himself a rotten narrative as an excuse to break up with you.
You didn't want to know. You opted to rather accept his decision, and all of your own emotions that came flooding back with it.
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"Hey man, have you talked to Y/N lately? She took one of my classes last year, and I wanted to see if I could get her notes before semester tests." Haechan asks his elder who lay sprawled on the couch.
"Nope," he said, popping the 'p.'
"What?" Haechan asked, looking up from his phone. "What do you mean you haven't talked to her?"
Lucas lazily yawned and reached for his soda can beside him. "It's not like she's my girlfriend or something. I'm not her keeper."
"Shit, Lucas, you didn't," Mark groaned, rubbing his temple.
"No, you were right. She was sleeping with other guys while she was in France. She didn't even try to deny it."
"Hang on, I never said that. You conjured that one up all on your own, buddy."
Haechan frowned as his frat members debated. He was focused on a much bigger issue at large.
"When did you break up with her?" he asks cautiously.
"Hey, we're just on a break. Don't go getting any ideas-"
"Jesus fuck, can your ego get any bigger?" Lucas crossed his arms and refocused his attention on the television, jaw clenched tightly. "You're so annoying," Haechan mumbled under his breath, already moving towards the door and shooting your brother a message telling him to meet in front of your apartment.
"Damn, you got called annoying by Haechan. How does that feel?"
"Can it, Lee."
You could feel it all, the swarm of emotions swirling and twirling around inside your chest, and yet you couldn't begin to name any of them. All you knew was that it hurt and you wanted it to stop.
You laid in your bed and watched your ceiling fondly. You liked how it didn't move. You didn't struggle to keep up with it. And it was dependable; it would always be there.
You didn't move when the knock at your front door finally registered in your ears; you were tired of playing doorman in your own residence.
You were just tired actually.
"Y/N," Johnny called, lightly pushing open the door to your bedroom. A strong sense of deja vu winded you. You knew this scene, you'd lived it before. "It's me and Haechan. I'm sorry we didn't call first." You didn't know how they managed to get inside, nor did you care. You just wanted to sleep.
Johnny took a seat next to you on the side of your bed. He brushed a strand of hair out of your eyes in an attempt to capture your attention. That's when the smell hit you. The heavy stench of cigarettes washed over all of your senses causing you to retract from his touch. He looked shaken at first, scared that he might have hurt you.
"You didn’t smoke before," you recalled. It was almost a feat in and of itself to remember the bitter past, but the small victory was stifled by the thick, wet air of the bitter present.
His eyes softened before he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack he'd bought just a few days before. "I started a few months ago while you were away. I knew you wouldn't be happy about it."
"I don't care," you answered promptly before slowly pulling yourself to sit up against your headboard.
Haechan watched from the doorway. He wondered if he'd ever seen someone in this state before, or if he ever would again. He looked at you and almost failed to see the human being in front of him. He watched you move like a frightened animal, stiff and weary. He watched your untrained gaze flicker between your brother and your brother's outstretched hand. 
This couldn't have just been the work of Lucas, he concluded. There were more deeply rooted implications here. There was an unresolved issue before your idiot boyfriend played to his own role.
"Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know," you answered honestly.
Johnny looked to Haechan for support, but the younger could offer only his presence in this situation.
"That's okay," your brother soothed. "Haechan," he turned to your mutual friend, "can you call Ten and Yuta and see if they've, uh, noticed anything weird lately about..." He gestured to you. Haechan excused himself to place the calls. "Food? Food always helps, right?" he tried with a dry chuckle. You paid absolutely no mind to him.
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"I can't take this," Ten muttered to himself, excusing himself from your bedroom. Five boys had soon found themselves huddled in your doorway, watching your every move intently as you resisted every attempt your brother made to move you.
You felt like a lab rat, being looked at from all angles as Johnny poked and prodded to see what would make you tick. It felt humiliating.
"Let's just go for a drive," he tried again, gently pulling your arms away from your chest and trying to guide you out of bed.
"No," you answered again, pulling yourself away from him and settling further back into your bed.
"Maybe we should just let her be for tonight," Jaehyun suggested, moving to stand beside your brother whose head was fallen in defeat.
"I can't just leave her like this, Jae. I still don't understand what's going on."
"Just give her some space," Jaehyun tried again. "This clearly isn't very effective."
Johnny sighed but ended up in compliance as everyone except for Jungwoo moved to your living room. They quietly deliberated as Jungwoo read allowed one of your favorite novels from the end of your bed, hoping against all hope that it would in some way bring you back from the void in which your mind seemed to currently reside.
"Honestly, we had planned to just come and cheer her up," Haechan had said. "We didn't know we'd find her like this. But I can't say it really surprised me, she's been off for months now."
"I thought something seemed weird. She hasn't said much to me in a while."
"Me either."
"Yeah, same."
Everyone generally agreed with Ten's statement.
"Do you guys think something happened in France?" Jaehyun suggests.
"Or maybe things haven't been going so well between her and Lucas for a while?" Yuta offers.
"Everything just feels like it's spinning," you said, cutting off Jungwoo's reading of Mary Shelley's finest work. He was just happy to have heard you say anything at all. "Everything is going so fast around me. I just wanna take a nap, sleep for a while." As you relayed your simple disposition, you found yourself moving to lay on your side, plenty warm but unwilling to relinquish your comforter. "I don't feel like I belong here, so I'm going to sleep instead."
Jungwoo set the book to the side and laid himself down at the end of your bed. "I don't feel like I belong here sometimes either," he relates.
"But you do," you say, looking over his features and seeing every sharp and jagged curve for the first time.
"You do too," he promises.
Hours of hushed worries bled into the night, and you awoke alone in your apartment in the morning. You had no initial intention of getting out of bed. It was the hardcover copy of Frankenstein standing upright on your bedside table that stirred your aching joints into motion.
Then you remembered.
How could you ever even forget?
The Han River smiled when you arrived, taking a seat on his bank. He asked you why you'd been such an unfamiliar face as of late, to which you had no reply. He thanked you for coming to visit him nonetheless and told you about how much Seoul had missed you while you were away. He told you about the alley cats and how they missed the treats you would occasionally leave for them on your way to classes. He told you about how much the sky cried about you spending spring away. He told you that the city lights drowned out the stars while you were gone, but let them peak back into the city when you returned.
You had no beating heart to pour out into his water, so instead, you gave him your soul. The Han understood and sat with you until you bore no more faults on which to complain. He told you he missed you. You told him that you missed him too. You told him about the Garonne and how much you thought he would like her. Then he sent you off into the afternoon bustle of the city with a watchful eye.
You wondered the streets for a while. Not a penny in your pocket, and still you found so many little joys in all the cracks and crevices of Seoul. You pet the stray cats; they'd always been particularly fond of you. You walked around an antique shop making wild guesses about the past lives of every item in sight. You climbed a tree in the park without a damn to spare the onlookers. By sunset, your feet had taken you back to your campus and directly to the front door of your apartment.
"How about some tea?" you ask yourself as you push the door open, not half expecting to be ambushed by a group of concerned young men demanding to know where you were.
"Would you all like some tea too?"
|
It was still a struggle to hear your voice most of the time, but visible relief settled over those who'd seen you cowering from your brother in your bedroom only days prior. They all continued to check in on you frequently, as they still had difficulties coaxing you away from your apartment.
"Lucas," Johnny had finally caught him lurking in the kitchen around midnight. He was beginning to grow irritable with how troublesome he had become to locate.
Lucas froze, cup ramen clasped in one hand with chopsticks in the other. Busted like a child with their hand in the cookie jar.
"Look, I'm sorry about your sister," he started without really knowing where he was going. "I know that I kinda jumped the gun-"
"I don't want to fight with you again," the elder said. He had kept his calm since the situation had arisen. The last time you and your boyfriend had a falling out, all hell broke loose in their dorms. He had landed a good solid punch on the more-than-deserving idiot and held the belief that he probably deserved a few more. However, he'd rather not have everyone in a frenzy once more, turning against one another. "I just need you to tell me what was going on before you left."
Lucas's shoulders slump and he sets his late-night meal on the countertop. "I was just so frustrated. She always let me into her head before - but when she came back, she just stopped talking to me. She shut me out," he relayed. "I tried everything I could think of. I tried to make her really happy, I tried to make her really mad. She wouldn't talk to me."
"She won't talk to me either," Johnny said, resting a reassuring hand on Lucas's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he responds, taking some measure of the blame upon himself. He felt that maybe if he'd had more patience with you, he could have helped you to get better. Now you were detaching yourself from not only him but your other friends and family as well. "Do you think she would want to see me?"
Your brother shrugged but a small smirk played on his lips. "I dunno. Maybe you should go find out tomorrow."
Needless to say, Lucas felt displaced and burdened by heavy guilt as he stood in your doorway, looking down on your fragile body. The last time he came knocking on your door in the most awful hours of the morning, he begged and cried on his knees for you not to leave him. He felt himself resist the urge to fall to the ground and repeat his mantra of pleas.
You didn't ask him why he was there so early in the morning, nor did you ask him if he wanted to come in. Your stare made his skin feel cold. He cleared his throat to dispel some of the awkward tension that he felt clawing at his airways.
"Can I come in?" Without a word, you moved to the side. "Thank you. Were you asleep?"
"No," you say simply, trailing behind him as he steps into your kitchen.
He lets out a low chuckle as he glances around the room. It looked so surprisingly unhomely and clean. Not a single dish in the sink, nor a potted plant out of place. "I keep messing up pretty badly, don't I?"
He hated the empty way you looked at him. It was as if you didn't know him. It was as if you had just let a complete stranger into your apartment.
"I don't understand, and I'm really trying to. I know that you know that things have changed since you got back. I don't know what that means yet, but I do know that I still love you. And that I'm stupid. I know that too."
You hummed along, a thoughtful expression overtaking your blank features.
"And I know that I’m sorry. I let a stupid idea get into my head and I let it hurt my own feelings. I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. Please don't leave me."
You didn't offer an answer, instead opening your arms and inviting him back into your embrace. He placed a small kiss on your lips, something he felt like he hadn't done in ages, and wrapped himself around you in an effort to keep you by his side forever.
|
"Are you happy here in Seoul?" your boyfriend asked, picking at the grass in front of his crossed legs. He looked at you as you looked down at the water. "I mean, I know you don't want to go back to (country), and I have a feeling that you don't exactly want to go live with my family in China. But like, would you rather be in Bordeaux? Or would you rather stay here?"
"I don't know." He hummed and waited for you to elaborate, but you made no real effort to.
"I know that we're still young and we don't have to make any decisions about where we want to live yet," he cooed, looking up to watch the sun set behind the large city towers, "but would you stay here in Seoul with me for a little while?"
You nodded, reaching over to take his hand in your own before pulling him to lay in the grass with you.
"You know, you're not the same person that you were before you left. I've realized that," he said with a sad smile as he looked over at you and placed a small kiss on your chin, pulling a small giggle from your lips. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I can't wait to get to know you again."
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johnny-suh-tiramisu · 29 days ago
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I present you
Nakamoto Yuta
Your senpai, your daddy, your slow burn love, your unrequited love, first love🌸
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hooniecity · 2 months ago
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Chenle x reader
“I want kisses.” Chenle whined trailing after you sulkily.
You were mad at him for putting food colouring in your toothpaste which led to your red teeth and you claimed you won’t kiss him for a week.
You closed the door behind you to his room to stop him from coming inside. Renjun happened to be in the room and saw you standing with your back to the door and yours arms crossed over your chest.
“What’d he do now?” Renjun chuckled.
You rolled your eyes and flashed your blood red teeth with an angry smile.
Renjun burst out laughing and you clicked your tongue and plopped down onto Chenle’s bed.
The door suddenly flew open and Chenle fell through the door with a plate of lemons. “You forgot to lock the door.”
You let out an exasperated sigh and turned your back to him but he set the plate down on his side table and tackled you in a hug. “I’m sorry~”
“Sorry isn’t going to fix my teeth.”
“I brought lemon juice. I’ll help you clean them.”
“You know, I’m gonna leave before I witness something I’d rather not.” Renjun left without another word leaving you and Chenle on his bed while he rubbed a lemon peel on your teeth.
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ukiyoneo · 2 months ago
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pairing: jaemin x reader word count: 1.5k type: barista!jaemin, you guys get stuck in the café cuz of haechan’s bet, minor injury, mentions of dream, fluff, angst only if you squint song suggestion: make you mine by public  authors note: this is another one from my old Instagram account while i work on new things
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Oh god, end me. You muttered to yourself, as you try to pry open windows. “That’s not going to work,” Jaemin spoke up, as his eyes averted else where.
The day was going great. You woke up, finished all your work, had classes, and even went to hang out with friends.
So how did you end up getting locked in the café with Na Jaemin?
You both share the same group of friends (never really speak to each other though), and tend to always see each other when your friends make plans.
Today, Haechan, the usual Rock Paper Scissors bet maker, decided to do one for two people to get snacks in the café; for his idea of a movie projector in his house to hang out.
Which, clearly you and Jaemin, both lost.
Lucky for the group, Jaemin works at the café. In fact, he’s got that name flowing out “Barista boy Nana”, not that you’ve ever call him that. Jaemin is the number one employee of the café, considering how much he loves coffee.
So lucky to both of you, Jaemin had keys to the café. To your luck, it has a thread too. You don’t even remember the last time you spoke to Jaemin. Last year of high school? First day of university?
Yes, you and Jaemin have a past. You both use to be very close. Even before he met the guys, he always spoke to you. Until the group got bigger, and the distance between you also got bigger.
You ended up drifting.
But that didn’t stop you from being in the same friend group. I mean: shit happens, move on. But that’s not what happened, you ended up having feelings for him anyway.
Well, you question yourself, who wouldn’t fall for someone as attractive as him?
So here you are, your heart nearly beating out of your chest as you both are stuck in the café.
Jaemin’s manager let you guys in, so Jaemin didn’t have to open the doors. And as you both got snacks in silence, Jaemin’s manager got a call, and immediately left the café, saying her home had a electricity cut out.
You both didn’t mind at first, so you continued on with what you were doing. Well, at least until the electricity cut out for the whole place.
With no electricity, the doors can’t open. They function automatically, and you curse to yourself for them not even thinking of an emergency exit.
Now, you looked outside the windows, seeing how empty they became (since it’s midnight). You perk up, “Um.” You let out. He looks up at you with a hum.
“I-I was wondering if you have wifi, or even any signal. Like maybe we can call the others, and then they can get help or something.” You tell him.
“Oh,” He pulls his phone out and huffs, “No signal or wifi.” You sit down on one of the seats and look out the window. Jaemin stood behind the counter, peering over to you. “Y/n,” He spoke.
You look up at him with a nod. “You’re shivering,” He walks up to you, as he took off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders. You shake your head, “I don’t—.” He plops down onto a seat at another table. “You need it more than I do.” He says, looking at his phone.
You huff, before walking up to him, as you reach out his jacket. “I don’t need it.” You say, with a soft face. All he does is look at you, before trailing his eyes down to your hands, “You’re shaking.”
“It’s okay,” You place his jacket on the table, before giving him a soft smile. “I’ll live.” You walk back to your seat, as his eyes burn into your back.
About minutes of silence, you hear a sound from outside, and Jaemin gets up from his seat, and walking to the door. He tries pulling on the doors, letting out a harsh breath when he pulls away.
You perk up at his pain, and walk hastily towards him. You grab his hands without thinking, motioning him to sit. You examine his hand, “You have a scratch.” You mutter under your breath. Your hands held his slender fingers, as he looks at your focused face.
Suddenly, you stand up, making the boy perk up in confusion. “Where are you going?” He asks, finally speaking. “Getting a cloth and some warm water to rinse your scratch,” You pace yourself behind the counter.
“Pretty sure your manager would care more about your health than the use of water.” You dampen a cloth, before walking back to him.
He shuts his eyes as the cloth makes contact with the scratch, soon easing into the touch as it stopped the bleeding. He looked at your soft expression, his own expression softening.
“Uhm,” You spoke up, and he comes back to reality as you pull out a bandaid from your pocket, “Do you always keep bandaids in your pocket?” He asks you, making you giggle softly. “I’m a clumsy person,” You wrap the bandaid on his finger.
You raise your own hand up, “Look, we’re matching.” You show the bandaid on the same finger as his. He chuckles, and you both feel the heat rise upon your cheeks as you look down, breaking eye contact.
You lean back into the booth seat, diverting your eyes to the ceiling. With minutes of silence and hesitance, he envelops your hand with his, making you widen your eyes in surprise. He doesn’t tighten his grasp, making sure you’re comfortable with his touch.
As he feels your stiffen settle, he breaks the silence. “Why did we stop talking?” You’re taken aback at first, before shrug your shoulders slightly. “I don’t know. I never really understood.” You mumble.
“If—“ His breath hitches. “If we didn’t stop talking, would you...” He grasps onto you arm tighter, eyes digging into your own
“Would you consider me more than someone who’s just a friend in the group?”
And that’s when you knew, barista boy felt the same way you do.
You look at him for a second, your heart pounding out of your chest. You hold a grasp onto his hand as well, “And if I say I already do?” You question him. His eyes light up, and you can see the smile on his face by just looking at his eyes.
“I’d say I already do as well.” He tells you. You smile softly, before tracing your fingertips over his hand. “I’ve liked you since the beginning. Even after we drifted, I watched you while our friends hang out,”
You pause to laugh, “I know that you hate strawberry flavoured things,” You raise your hand and touched his slightly.
“I know you’re still the coffee addict I knew in high school.” You pause.
“And I also know that you’re selfless, always putting others first.” You mumble. He smiles looking at you. “If we didn’t get locked in here, I don’t know what I’d do. Not talking to you is hard.” He says.
You laugh, “Trust me, it’s hard to talk to my challenging ass sometimes.” You tell him. “Well, you’re a challenge I’m willing to take.” He places a soft kiss on your forehead. “Please do.” You smile at him.
Suddenly, all the lights flicker open and you both hear a loud voice. “FI-NA-LLY!” Haechan’s voice echoes as he walks through the sliding doors with the others, applauding with a smile on their face.
You look up at them, as Haechan opens his mouth. “You know, Jaemin literally never shuts up about you?” He dramatically sighs. “I didn’t know we had to get you guys trapped in a place together to finally talk.”
You and Jaemin wear visible blushing and flustered expressions, “I love playing Cupid.” Haechan boasts to himself. “Lee. Haechan.” Jaemin glares at him, before getting up (playfully, of course).
“Oh well, you better run, Haechan.” Jaemin’s manager pops up after turning on the switch on the café’s electricity and signal. Haechan hides behind Jeno. “Y/n, stop your boy!” He exclaims.
“Oh hell no, you’re getting it from me too.” You cross your arms when you get up, you and Jaemin sharing a laugh.
You leave the café that day, holding Jaemin’s, Barista boy’s, your lover boy’s, hand.
The love language was louder in actions than it was in words. — loverboy!jaemin
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copyright  © ukiyoneo 2021.
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hyuckssunchip · 2 months ago
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Mr. Jung, Sir
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Pairings: Jaehyun x reader
Words: 521
Short One Shot: 
Hey guys, this is a little one shot that I wrote a long time ago, and I feel like I needed a little pick me up after the postponement of his drama. Enjoy!
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CRASH! Papers were flying everywhere and you were sprawled out on the floor. You were already late for your interview and already a nervous wreck, this didn’t help the situation. You quickly got to your knees, scrambling to get all of your papers.
“I’m so sorry.” A voice from above you said and from the corner of your eye you saw a man in a black suit bend down to help with the mess in front of you.
“That’s all right, it was my fault anyway. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You said, flustered that he was in such close proximity. 
“Thank you.” You stuttered out quietly as he handed you the last of the papers. 
“No problem, it was my fault too,” the blonde haired man smiled showing his dimples. “Jaehyun.” He said, holding his hand out towards you.
You shuffled the papers to your chest and grabbed his hand with your own. “Y/N.”
“So Y/N,” he said sticking his hands in his trouser pockets, “Where to?”
“Oh… uh...That way.” You said nervously pointing towards the elevators.
“Then shall we?” He said with a slight smile in his voice. You nodded back silently with a blush rushing to your face.
An awkward silence fell between the two of you as you stood in the elevator.
“Ahem.” Jaehyun cleared his throat beside you. “Floor?”
“Oh! Seven, thank you.” You said quietly.
As the elevator reached the seventh floor the two of you made eye contact before quickly turning away. 
“Well, we’re here.” he said quickly before hastily making his exit. As he disappeared around the corner you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in. 
Suddenly as if remembering you were also in the elevator, he popped his head through the doorway with a “Sorry, you coming?”
You answered with a quick nod and rushed to trail behind him. Eventually the silence and your journey ended as the two of you went separate ways. A small beep had come from his breast pocket and he pulled out his phone, reading it quickly before returning it to its spot. He let out a sigh and said something about an emergency, indicating that he had to go. With a small smile and a finger pointing in the direction you were going the two of you departed.
With a shaky breath you opened the door to the interview room and you were met with a panel of intimidating board members and the process began.
Halfway through the interview a voice from behind you said, “I’m sorry for the delay, a situation came up.”
A few members stood up and showed their respect. “It’s not a problem at all Mr. Jung, sir.”
He sat down while unbuttoning his suit, grabbing the papers in front of him. “Alright, let’s see here. Ms. Y/N/ Y/L/N, how about we get going again. I want to really get to know you.” He said with a smirk as your eyes met with his, then traveled back down to those dimples you tried so hard not to stare at.
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© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.
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hooniecity · 2 months ago
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Chenle x reader
“I love you.”
You felt your blood run cold as Chenle blurted out the words, unable to find the right words to respond.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back yet.” Chenle gave you a reassuring smile.
The guilt in your chest continued to grow as you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that you no longer reciprocated his feelings. Seeing him so happy around you warmed your heart, but knowing that one day you’ll have to break it angered you for not feeling the same way. Chenle was everything you could’ve ever asked for, he was so caring and funny and knew all the little things that could easily win you over, but no matter how hard you tried, you never saw him as more than a friend.
You looked down at your lap, unable to bring yourself go look him in the eyes, “I’m sorry.”
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hooniecity · 2 months ago
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chenle x reader
Chenle watching you with his eyes full of admiration as you talk about your passions while having ice cream smudged on your nose. He didn’t have the courage to tell you, thinking you looked so silly yet so cute at the same time. Also, he just didn’t want to interrupt you while you just seemed to be on cloud nine, the smile on your face warming his heart.
“So that’s how I ended up choosing my major.”
You grinned to him, pushing a small bite of ice cream into your mouth.
Chenle held back a chuckle and picked a napkin from the dispenser on the table and leaned forward to wipe your nose.
Your felt heat rise to your cheeks as you grabbed your phone and opened the front camera to examine your appearance.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because,” he shrugged “You looked cute.”
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hooniecity · 3 months ago
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chenle x reader
The feeling of the familiar hot water hitting against your skin, loosening your muscles and putting you to a sense of ease never, never gets old. You let the water run down your body before stepping away from the waterfall that was pouring out of the shower head and squeezed a hefty amount of your favourite body wash into your hands, lathering it onto your skin. You watched as the colour of the soap soon disappeared as clear bubble formed in their place. You stepped back under the shower head, allowing the streams to hit your skin, rinsing the suds off your body leaving your limbs glistening under the light.
Working hastily, you rinsed the conditioner, which you let sit in your hair for quite a while, out of your hair, concluding your shower. You pulled back the curtain, grabbing the towel from the rack and dried off your body gently.
An outfit was sitting hanging from the over -the-door hanger that sat on the bathroom door, you didn’t waste time slipping on the clothes. A simple black and white striped t-shirt, layered with a black oversized graphic tee which your boyfriend was going to throw away, but you stole it from him before he had the chance, tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans. You tied the outfit together with a silver necklace and headed out of the lavatory while drying your hair.
“Babe, it’s about time.” Chenle rounded the corner to the hall, coming face with you. “Here, let me help.” He grabbed the towel from your hands, gently rubbing your damp hair.
“Are you ready?” You looked up to your boyfriend, who nodded, gently wiping the droplet of water that dripped down your face from your wet hair.
You took the towel from him and discarded it along with your previous outfit into the laundry basket. “Come on, we’ll be late.”
Chenle nodded, threading his fingers through yours and dragging you the entrance of the flat.
“I’m so excited!” You did a lil jump from excitement, slipping on your boots and clinging to Chenle’s arm.
“Come on, it’s not that big of a deal.” Chenle rolled his eyes as he walked out of the apartment with you.
“What do you mean it’s not a big deal, you’re adopting your dog!”
The two of you walked down the hallway of doors to the stairway, going down to the garage where he had his car parked.
The ride to the pet store wasn’t too long, around twenty minutes, enough time for your hair to finish drying up as you tied it into a high ponytail, pulling out a could strands from the front.
Chenle reached one of his arms over the armrest between your seats, grabbing onto your hand and bringing it to rest on his thigh.
You could feel his excitement even if he didn’t show it.
Parking the car in the lot of the pet store, you and Chenle exited the car and strode into the shop.
“Yes, How May I help you?” A cashier nodded to the two of you with a smile.
“I’m here to pick up by dog. It should be under the name Zhong Chenle.” Chenle looked behind the cashier where a bunch of pets were playing around in a little pen.
The cashier tapped on his screen, eyes lighting up once he found what he was looking for.“Yes, right this way, sir.” He led you and Chenle to the pen of animals, pointing to the fluffy white dog that sat in one of the corners with a chew toy. “There she is, you may take her.”
A smile grew on Chenle’s face and you gave his hand a light squeeze before letting go so he could collect his pet.
Chenle reached in and grabbed the small dog, cooing at it. “I’m gonna name you, Daegal. Zhong Daegal.”
You watched Chenle carefully handle the small bichon, finding it a truly tremendous sight.
“Here, meet your mom.” Chenle handed the puppy over to you, the name making your heart flutter as you gently held the dog.
“Hi, hi Daegal.” You held yourself back from getting too excited and scaring the small creature.
Chenle purchased a little puppy carried and placed his new pet into it, ready to take it home. “We’re a family now!” He beamed with excitement as the two, no three, of you walked back to his car.
“Yes, a family.” You chuckled, holding the little dog in the carrier to your chest.
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hyuckssunchip · 3 months ago
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Jisung’s First Date
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Pairings: Jisung x Reader 
Words: 1.1K
Genre: Very much fluff
Short one shot: On Jisung’s first date he experiences a rollercoaster of emotions, one being fear.
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You stared at yourself in the mirror, feeling butterflies in your stomach as it finally hit you how soon your date would come. Park Jisung was one of the best dancers at your school and he had asked you out on a date after working on the decorations for the performance together. The annual fair was back around and you were thrilled, suggesting that that’s where the two of you went on your date.
You showed a nervous smile as you scanned your outfit once more. You paired your favorite pair of high waisted shorts with a black crop top that fit nicely, and of course your hightops to finish it off.
Before you knew it, a small knock came from the front door, stopping your heart for a second. You grabbed your bag and took a deep breath trying to calm yourself before you came face to face with your date. 
As you swung the door open your eyes widened at the sight of him and an uncontrollable blush worked its way to your cheeks. He looked so casual but so good at the same time. He had a pair of black ripped skinny jeans with the red flannel you’d seen him wear so often at school. His hair fluffed up just enough to be messy but obviously styled. You watched as his hand swept through his hair and your eyes fell to the little smile that pulled you out of your reverie.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” You both giggled quietly before you made your way out the door and off the porch. The two of you stood there awkwardly neither wanting to make the first move. 
“You look great.” He said quietly, smiling a little to break the tension.
“Thanks, so do you.” And with that the awkward silence made its reappearance.
You don’t understand why the atmosphere was so weird between you two, you guys had great chemistry on set. You guess the nerves had gotten to the both of you.
“So… umm…” he stuttered out, “Do you mind driving? I don’t actually have my license yet.”
You looked up at him happy that he finally spoke and laughed a little at the blush that creeped up his neck in embarrassment.
“Yeah, no problem.” You said with a giggle as you both made your way to your car. A quiet and mellow song took over during the 10 minute ride, but the two of you made it there safely.
“So what’s first?” you ask shyly.
“Oh, I was just thinking that I would win you a ton of prizes, then we’d get some food.” He replied, his cocky bantering side coming out.
“Yeah, as if. You know I'm going to end up winning you prizes, right?” You shot back, thrilled that the two of you finally had gotten back into your rhythm.
Before you knew it you were walking hand in hand through the fair. A huge teddy bear in his right hand, you in his left, while you were busy munching on candy floss, and occasionally feeding him. The two of you were finally content to be in each other's company, comfortable with each other but still blushing at contact. 
“Oh my god! We have to go on that! I haven’t been on one of those in forever!” You said excitedly, starting to drag a reluctant Jisung along. I was one of those rocking pirate ships that throw you up like 70 feet in the air.
“You know what, why don’t you go? I’ll hold on to the bear, so no one takes him. Don’t worry about it, go ahead and ride without me.” He said kind of rushed.
You turned back to look at him and laughed saying “We can put him in one of those locker things! Come on!”
“No really, you want to waste your money when I can just hold on to him?”
“Park Jisung, are you scared?” You teased him, poking at his sides.
“No. I just like saving money.”
“Sure. Here, I’ll pay for the locker and you don’t have to worry about spending your money. How’s that?”
You giggle at his face, ready to quit bugging him.
“Fine. I’m not scared by the way.”
“Sure you aren’t.”
The line was relatively short, and the small amount of time that you guys did wait, you could see Jisung rubbing his hair nervously.
You felt kind of bad for making him come up here, but you thought he would just say that he was scared. It’s not embarrassing to be scared for heights, it’s a rational fear. 
“Jisung?-”
“Oh god. We’re here.” He cleared his throat, struggling to make his way onto the boat.
“What’s going on?!” A yell from the back of the line came, there were a couple more shouts of frustrated customers.
You tugged on Jisungs shirt, “Come on let’s go. We don’t have to ride it, let’s just go.”
“No I told you I’m not afraid.”
“Jisung!” 
He took the highest seat on the boat and patted the spot next to him. You sighed and sat down.
“You know you can’t get off now right? It’s okay to be scared, it’s not a stupid fear.”
The bar latched down and he tightened his grip. 
“Is this all? No seat belt? Just the bar?” The panic in his voice was evident.
“You know I didn’t actually think you’d get on it, I was just waiting for you to say you were scared. And I wasn’t going to make fun of you, lots of people are scared of rollercoasters.”
“Now you tell me?!”
His knuckles were turning white. You rested your hand on top of his and squeezed a bit, hoping to calm him. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, hoping that it would help.
His hair was wind blown and his voice was lost by the time you made it back to the locker, not to mention your ears were still ringing.
“You know what? I think I’m scared of rollercoasters.”
“You don’t say?” You laughed at his face, still in a state of perpetual shock.
“Next time, I get to choose where we go okay?”
“Next time?”
“Yeah, if you want to.” He rubbed the back of his neck and the tips of his ears turned red.
“I’d love that.” You leaned in and pecked his cheek before moving on to the game section.
“Ooh! Darts!”
He froze, touching the place that you had just kissed him. He eventually got a hold of himself and jogged to catch up.
“I’ll have you know I’ve never lost a game of darts.”
“Is that so? Well you’re about to.”
“Right, hold my bear.”
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moonlightjeno · 4 months ago
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part of Walking in a Winter Wonderland by @suh-insane​​ + @neocitybynight​ ! + of World of the Streets series !!
❆ synopsis : snowfalls seems to mark the days were you meet haechan, a series of meetings much like snowflakes all unique in the way they form and fall leading to christmas. ❆ genre : angst ! + fluff ! with sum crackheadness ❆ pairing : streetracer haechan! x mechanic!reader (fem) ❆ word count : ~ 5k ❆ taglist : @flirtyhyuck​ @danishmiilk​ @rouiyan​ @xiaojunssmile​ @hunjins​ + part of a secret santa gift for @yongiefilms​ !! hi luv !! i hope you like it <3 in all honeslty i was anxious for this bc i look up to your writing ahh but umm anywho’s happy holidays bub !! much love - luna
❆ prompts : “santa, tell me if he really cares. ‘cause I cant give it all away if he wont be here next year” - Ariana Grande ( santa tell me ) “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special.” - Wham! (Last Christmas)
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The first snowfall comes later than normal, the white cold snowflakes making their way in soft flurries across the city. Snow is one of the phenomena of the world that never ceases to amaze you, the way that rush across the sky all in different shapes and sizes to touch the bottom. You think that they shouldn’t rush to the streets, that those snowflakes that had managed to remain far away from the world below them were lucky. Lucky because then they wouldn’t be dismissed by the world as slosh, becoming muddy and blurry with the streets below them. 
The first snowfall reminds you of the first time you met the infamous street racing crew YDRMZ, and with the crew came lee haechan. 
“You coming?” rouiyan asks, windows already rolled down even with the almost freezing temperature, she didn’t seem to mind her car’s engine thrumming underneath the hood. You hesitate for a second, tomorrow were midterms, and you were on the very verge of losing the much needed scholarship you had in your college. Go to the event - one you had been to many times, street racing was nothing new to your world and something you’d learned to love, the thrill and adrenaline that would course throughout your veins if only when in the passenger seat next to your sister - and not study or go home. Go home, but home would have been more tempting if anyone was actually home. There was no way you were convincing your sister from getting you home, leaving some car service as your only option, a yell from your sister breaks your thoughts “y/n !! let’s go !!” 
Looking up at the clouded sky, the darkening clouds that blocked your view from every permanent star in the night sky, you breathed in the cold air. Winter air is cutting into you, refreshing and you pushed the thoughts away. One drive and you’d go back. 
“Coming !!'' With a final breath, the small white puff escaping your lips from the cold weather, you joined your sister in her old Mitsubishi eclipse, accentuated with it’s orange highlights. The seats were cold, even with the winter jacket that you wore, making you jump slightly causing your sister to laugh, head slightly shaking from your constant complaints at her never rolling her windows up. Her only - and very repeated - response was that there was no way to breathe in the fresh air of the city, and hear all it’s sounds. How else would she know if another car was to challenge her - something you sometimes doubted as the car she drove wore the sigil of one of the street racing crews that most people tended to back away. It didn’t help that they worked at times with the Seoul mafia to get certain parts or order deliveries to customers that the mafia itself couldn’t reach. You shook your head slightly, shaking the thoughts out of your present mind and looked out of the car and into the never ensign sea of city lights. Your sister had never been one for following rules, the idea that rules were meant to protect people seemed to push her away, living by the life motto “if rules were annoying, then they were also bendable”  you couldn’t particularly say you ever disagreed. 
“I’m pretty sure you just want to see me freeze to death” you mumbled, snuggling further into the seat as you wrapped the puffy jacket around you. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she said, a wild grin ever present on her face, the leather jacket clinging to her body, the rush of air wiping her hair backwards and you continued to be confused. It was fucking freezing. 
“Still don’t understand how we’re related” you mused, turning your attention back to the lights that passed by you in blurs, taking you farther and farther away from the city center and closer to the Han River, where most of the street races occurred, always way past midnight and with roads closed. 
“Half sisters bubs, not by blood but by everything else”
“Whatever, still doesn’t explain how you’re only wearing a leather jacket as your source of protection against this weather” you commented, but she seemed to ignore you, her smile never fading, eyes not leaving the road as she turned the radio on blasting music that made the car almost vibrate. The bass of the current pop song ends the conversation as you both sing at the top of your lungs alternating roles as if you were part of the actual band. You could the coldness that had chilled you before leave, by passing songs, fading lights and never ending sounds of the streets next to you that in of itself were music to your ears. 
The drive was less than twenty minutes, ten if you shotgunned it. the red lights blurring with the green until lights were a concept so foreign to you that they became one with the lights of the apartment complexes where families would be sleeping, and kids would be sneaking phones or computers into their rooms. An attempt to escape the world they lived in through lights and screens, without realizing how much of an escape sleep and the world outside became. 
Neon lights and music with too much bass marked the entry to the street racing world you’d grown so used too. Familiar faces surrounding you as your sister slowed her car down, the radio being tuned down is only slightly so that you two could take in the racers that were coming in, rouiyan in her light blue sports car was only a couple of feet behind you, but had already stopped the car jumping out to greet whoever the hell she was meeting up with. You could only see parts of a body with bleached blonde hair as they reached down in greeting before your attention was drawn to the crowd that gathered around a group of boys and you felt the engine in your sisters car shutter and die down a curse slipping from her mouth as you managed to identity the group that drew so much attention.  
The group didn’t have to ask for attention; they claimed it. Spread out across the river’s highline blocking anyway out of the highway towards the north of the road and back into the city. Their extravagant cars, all customized by years of racing and knowledge that you would store into your mind on each of the engines and the machinery they used, from their open hoods. 4 cars in total, each facing the bridges opening, their bright neon lights and the booming music that came from the bright neon green car, it’s speaker the central piece of the car replacing the back seats, vibrating the ground beneath you. 
You counted five boys each placed at different locations but all with the same leather jackets and graffiti like lettering printed somewhere along their cars or clothes of YDRMZ to tell the world they were. It was nothing you haven't seen before. The street racing gang was infamous in the streets of Seoul, a group of seven boys that would beat anyone in the streets not because of their individual talents - something that though still extraordinary, nothing that you hadn’t seen before in youtube videos or recordings from street races in the past you’d attended or had been shown - but for their coordination. The group worked as one, flowing so seamlessly from one engine to another that there was never a moment where you could question their movement, the shifts in gear almost synched to each other. But for all the stories and videos you’d watched about the boys, men, they didn’t prepare you for the audience that would surround them and the boy with purple highlights in his hair with a shit eating grin that would a charming smile to anyone who would approach him. 
The buzz of the crowd had separated you from your sister, a filtering thought you paid little mind too, as you shoved your way through the crowd eager to see more of the cars. Their engines roared loudly, checkered flags hanging by the sides of the Hangang Bridge indicating the starting line for tonight's race. By the gathering crowd you knew that the main event had yet to go, and by the continuous crows that grew around the YDRMZ they were the main event, and you had just arrived right in time. 
By the time you’d managed to shove your way to the front of the crowd the music played had died down only slightly, to let the coordinators of the race contact each other. Checking their walkies on police activities around the bridge that lit up red and green for the christmas season, the cold air whipping at you if only more by the proximity to the river only a couple of meters away with no buildings to protect you from the winds. It was when you’d seen the engine underneath the black ford mustang, accents of purple across the cars body matching the owners own purple highlights. 
You were too enthralled by the twin-turbo engines the boy had installed in his car to notice the stare that had been thrown in your direction by the car’s owner. A curious but cocky gaze as he followed your line of sight to his car’s equipment and he chuckled slightly, and with no response he moved in slightly closer ready to flirt with you and brag on how many races he’d won with the power underneath his hood. 
“Woah, woah!” it was the movement of a hand fluttering almost on top of yours that made you jump away from the hood, looking at the boy whose hand lingered where yours had been only a second ago. His eyes were bright with a rush you could explain as racing, so he’d already raced you thought to yourself. It would have explained why the engine was still radiating heat, increasing the temperature of your surroundings if only enough that you were no longer shivering. 
“Yours?” the moment the words left your mouth you almost regretted them, because why else would he be standing next to the car, but you kept your face composed, a slow nod was your response. And you got a good look at the boy in front of you, his slightly curly brown hair had been pushed back from his eyes, probably from the wind from the previous race. 
“You’ve got a nice engine, though I’d change these turbo’s probably won't last more than a couple more races” you informed him nodding towards the car, an attempt to calm your beating heart and the boy next to you chuckled, running a hand through his already tousled hair so that the sleeve of his leather jacket inched down enough for you to see the letters of YDRMZ tattooed into this tan skin. 
“Huh, thanks but I think I know my engine, the turbo’s shouldn’t overheat for more than ten races I changed it a couple days ago” his voice is almost like honey, and it feels like it slides over your skin, entrapping you sweet and soft but with an edge. There was no judgment in his voice, more like plain ignorance at the engine. You nodded towards the hood of the car, a silent ask if you could approach it, Haechan a little disoriented by the whole approach nodded a drawled out “sure” leaving his lips before you almost attacked his engine. 
The crowd that had gathered around him had disappeared the moment he stopped paying attention to the men and women who would walk up to him every so often asking for a picture, or his number. All of which he replied of course if and only if they got his good side and wrote down Jeno’s phone number for every person that walked up to him. If only to see one of his closest friends face confusion every so often by the random calls that he’d receive in which the dark haired boy would ignore or bluntly call to say the wrong number before blocking the contact. It was both entertaining and efficient, and maybe he’d help Jeno find love - something he very much doubted would ever happen. 
Haechan had assumed the person in front of him was a mechanic because their knowledge on engines was beyond anything he’d ever truly bothered paying attention too, always handing over the mechanics to either Jisung - the youngest member of their crew or Mark the only who'd actually graduated highschool and had probably learned something about the physics behind the engines at one point. Haechan mostly lived by the fast and draw attention motto. So far it had worked, worked too well where you were now inspecting his hood, and he was completely enthralled. 
From the way you would point towards the different pieces in the engine, the different tubes and cables that connected the car together to the very passionate ideas that would run through your mind at how he should be fixing the car's engine. A snapping of fingers in front of his face waving back and forth broke him from his light review about you, and a confused sound left his lips. Oh god, he’s been spending too much time around Jeno to be making strange noises. 
“Dude, you paying any attention?” you snapped at the boy in front of him, who’s eyes shone in the light moonlight that streamed through the clouds, small snowflakes beginning to fall from the sky. Making their slow descend into the ground. 
“Yeah. something about hot-pockets?” haechan stuttered and cursed under his breath. 
“Yes, and the sky is pink” your response left him confused, and you with a growing smile that he knew he’d have to see more of. 
“Well I mean, technically it isn’t blue so…” 
“And your car is going to run on hot-pockets” you laughed again, and Haechan shrugged he figured that if Renjun were here and not two cars away he would have been able to say something on the term that technically they could if the energy was broken down and the bonds changed, but he was not Renjun. 
“Of course it is, and when it stops then you can come and save me” by the end of the sentence he’d winked at you, smile never leaving his features, and he could see the growing red that tainted your cheeks and he’d thought to chop it up to his very cheesy lines instead of the increasing cold weather. 
“And when I do save you, I hope you have enough hot pockets to heat my freezing hands for saving you ass” stunned Haechan laughed, a laugh that was melodical and you thought if the world hadn’t been so cruel to you in life that you could fall in love with that laugh that seemed so joyful and free. Before Haechan could answer you the honks were blown, signaling the racers to get in their positions, and you are moving away from him but not before he has a chance to grab onto your hand for a slight second, passing a paper into yours before you disappear into the crowd as the flurries of snowflakes hurdles down into the ground. 
That year’s first snowfall marks your first encounter with lee haechan, and the day you take a chance to open up the crumpled up paper in your hand. The warm sensation of the tan boys hand wrapped around yours still felt like a phantom ghost on your hand. It’s the first time you take a chance on what could be love again, as you read the message on the paper you still haven’t figured out how he scribbled on so fast - probably while you were too busy re-enacting the fusion between metal and copper to form a new engine - for some hot-packs. xxx-xxx-xxxxx. 
You can’t help the light giggle that escaped your lips as the engines burst to life and the races begin.
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The next time snow falls in Seoul you don’t attend the races. Instead you walk out of your home, backpack filled with books you dread about reading and notes upon notes on the derivatives and integrals that determine the different areas under the curve. 
You can feel your legs burn slightly at the fast pace you walk, making you catch your breath as you walk through the streets already running late to the study session you’d organized with a friend, furou, had agreed to help you catch up on the material you had missed from the constant nights spend in the passenger's seat, wind screaming in your ears. Your breath comes out in small white clouds curling slightly in the air before disappearing, it reminds you of the constant cigarette drags that the world around you seemed to use in order to alleviate pain or anxiety. 
Or boredom as Haechan had called it. 
For him it tended to always be boredom, always looking after the next thing to excite him or change his way of looking at the world. Chasing after the adrenaline that pumped through his veins, making his brain sharper, everything sharper so that it was cleared to know what to do and what decisions to make. It’s the same rush that compels you to go to the streets every weekend and sit in your sisters passenger seat. The same rush that compels your sister to drive, drives you forward at times to continue with the never ending studying only to get that engineering degree. 
“y/n!” the yell that comes from the other side of the street pulls you away from your thoughts. The second you look up you wish you hadn’t, as your eyes meet haechan’s a grin set in place. You think about looking away, pretending to not have seen the boy who was walking towards you, light still red, cars honking at him to move away from the street. By the time you’ve thought out the plant of your said escape from haechan and his charm it’s too late and the boy is in front of you, breaths coming out in white puffs and you wonder if part of the fact that his breaths seemed to capture you attention, the white puffs disappearing slowly into the air are because they make shapes and forms that you can only assume comes from practice. 
“Haechan…what’s up?” your words almost come out stumbled and messy, the books in your bag getting heavier by the second, fingertips colder as the twist and untwist attempts to get warm. 
“What do you mean what’s up? I never got a response hot-pockets” his tone is teasing, but his eyes convey a different story. One embedded in the fear of being left alone and maybe just maybe not getting his way with a simple smile and joke. 
“Oh, yeah. Umm sorry i completely forgot” you sound almost defeated, guilt laced in your words, and you look behind him, to the library that could be seen two blocks away the giant clock in front of the library reading five minutes after 6 o’clock in the afternoon. 
A small chuckle leaves haechan’s lips as he looks at you, eyes taking you in slowly admiring until he lands on your zoned out eyes that are looking anywhere but him and a small idea forms in his head. 
“It’s all good hot-pockets, but i gotta repay you at some point”
“Uh huh” you are no longer paying attention to the boy that manages to steal your breath away with one smile. Your mind has left the conversation barely processing the words that leave haechan’s lips as you slightly nod along. 6:07 pm. The clock kept ticking away, and now you were gonna be ten minutes late, you could feel the light buzz from your phone in your pocket but paid no attention, mind running through the multiple different scenarios that would occur once you got to the library, books holding you down as you catched your breath from sprinting up the what felt like thousands of steps to get to the reserved table. 
A tug on your arm, a hand enclosing around yours as he calls out your name over and over again pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head trying to clear your mind from the racing thoughts and you're met with haechan again, a smirk present on his face but a soft look in his eyes and you look away before you can get lost in them. 
“That’s it, we’re going” his honey like voice is almost musical and you're about to ask what he’s talking about until you feel yourself being pulled away from the library and you do your best to stop the movement. 
“Stop” no response, his grip on your arm sturdy. 
“Haechan, i can’t” your voice is determined, and longing because all you want to do is explore the world with the brown haired boy that has turned around and is looking at you with so much hope that you almost cave. Almost, and then your phone rings. It's an obnoxious tune and he lets go. 
You’re jumping over mounds of snow, their color no longer reflecting the sun’s light dazzling everything in different shapes performed by the snowflakes dance. This snowfall is dull, it covers the ground in slush covering your boots in a brown murky liquid, as you rush over to the library leaving part of your mind with the brown haired boy who echoed your name.
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You’re out of breath by the time you’ve sprinted up the never ending staircase. The giant clock that hangs at one side of the library reads 6:21pm and you curse, earning a few glares from the surrounding students that are doing their best to study whatever material they’re looking at. They don’t register because when you reach the table where you were supposed to meet up with your study partner you almost scream from joy because they're still there. Albeit their scrolling through their phone, eyebrows pulled in and when they see you it seems as if they're about to yell but they're there. 
“I’m-” you take a breath of air, still trying to slow down your beating heart. 
“You’re here, a little late but here” you friend gives you a comforting smile, thankful for understanding without question. It wasn’t like you were too late, especially when your education was on the line, so to see you so shocked and frantic was new. Your friend knew better than to ask, they knew enough about the reason why you usually showed up to school with eye bags under your eyes that seemed as if you hadn’t slept in ages. Knew better than to ask and expect a response instead of dismissing the issue, though this time there was nothing from stopping them to ask you about haechan. A boy they had only heard about a couple of times, but every time you spoke about him it was like a new light had been sparked. There was a sort of surprise that followed you anytime you’d talk about the boy and your friend never failed to grasp onto that. 
“Sorry, what were we going over?” you ask furou, who just looks at you with a puzzled expression because you had been the one to organize the review. 
“Ummm, what have you missed out on?” you look at her, but don’t see her. Not really instead you see late night drives, and feel the wind tangling up your hair. It’s been a couple of minutes, and you're already out of the library, you mind so far away, Haechan by your side. It feels like deja-vu almost, the wanting to be somewhere so far away from the life that you live. A sensation, that you’ve had re-occur so often these past few weeks that at times you forget what is the present and what is your imagination. 
The feeling takes you back to a late night drive right as finals had ended, but this time it wasn’t your sister who was driving at unknown speeds taking in the adrenaline rush. You hadn’t seen her in a while, the last time she’d been next to a black haired boy who you swore you’d seen with haechan and the group YDRMZ before. In her place was haechan, a grin set on his features that never seemed to take you attention from the road to focus on the being that was lee donghyuck. Hands held together near the gear shift, joke after joke made bringing you close to tears. Haechan’s confidence in the world makes challenging your way of looking at the world, so that conversations were never dull. 
It’s a single moment in time, such as these that make you question what exactly you’re doing if it isn’t living your life to its full extent. 
“y/n !” snapping of fingers, a blurry hand crosses your line of vision. 
“huh?” 
“Jesus, land back to planet earth girl” you’re eyes focus back on your friend in front of you, it’s been 10 minutes and you take a deep breath before standing up again, almost dreading the run but adrenaline is already pumping in your veins. 
“I'm so sorry, but can we reschedule? There’s something I’ve got to do” before you can hear an answer you’re sprinting down the stairs catching a “go get em” from you friend. 
You’ve managed to make it out of the library, shoving your way through people with sorry’s and multiple curses muttered under your breath, and the snow seems to be more hopeful than when you’d first entered the library, that is until the last couple of snowflakes fall and haechan is nowhere to be seen that your heart falls. 
The snowfall is grey and muddy again, as you grab one of the hot-pockets from your jacket. A small wrinkled piece of paper falls out onto the slushy ground. Scribbled along the fringes a message to meet when the time was right, he’d be waiting. Too bad it’s dissolved against the melting snowflakes, the message vanishing from the world and you’re already a block away wondering if you will ever give your heart away again. 
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the last snowfall of the year falls on Christmas eve, covering the grimy streets in sheets of pure white. Each snowflake falling delicately, against the loud streetcar engines that race across the finish line on one Seoul’s bridges. You and your sister have already raced, the car's engine still fuming from the last sprint where turbo was used at the last second to get that advantage over the red mustang on the other side. The drinks you had combined with the rush of adrenaline leaves you buzzing and wanting to be spontaneous, but you can’t seem to find the person you're looking for. The snowflakes continue to fall over and over again, covering your hair, as they land softly on the ground and your hands. 
It takes you a couple of spins as you look towards the sky to take everything in. take in the cold air that sweeps around you, and the boy who now stands a mere feet away from you, cheeks red from the cold air. You almost stop breathing, as you take him in. the smile that never fails to make the sides of your lips quirk up, you take in the snow that has fallen around him creating a halo, his beautiful tan skin in contrast to the pale snow that falls. You think you’re able to take a breath, stop your heart from racing as you walk towards each other, but you can’t stop your legs as they pick up their pace and jump onto haechan. His arms come up around your waist, as you hold onto his head buried in his chest. 
Time doesn’t stop, it doesn’t accelerate either instead your world becomes a blur and the only clear thing is haechan. The boy who was there when you had a panic attack due to school work, the boy who after you rejected him that day at the library and then called him later showed up less than ten minutes later, no anger only hope shining in his eyes. Donghyuck the boy you’d gotten to know through time driving around the city, time spent where your heart had healed itself slowly from your past. 
“Hey, hot-pockets, I never got to give you your gift” he mumbles next to your ear, as he slowly puts you down reaching into his pocket. In a second he’s pulled out a packet bold sharpie used to label the packet as “FOR Y/N” the green and red wrapping wrinkling under your hands as you eagerly open it expecting it to be a prank. And when you do get rid of the paper, most of it now covered by tiny specks of snow, a packet of hot-pockets is present before you and you can’t but laugh. 
Your laugh haechan is convinced is his favorite thing in the world, because it’s so free so unburdened by the world around you, so contagious that he starts laughing too. And when he sees you look up at him, the world in your eyes he’s almost sure that as much as you talk about the snowflakes that surround you both and how unique and beautiful they are, you haven’t seen yourself because he sees the most strongest person in the world, and he’s able to call himself yours if only for this night. A night that will turn into weeks and months. Because it’s christmas and you know that you’re giving your heart away this year, but he has given his heart to you, the mechanic that made him double question his engine, all with a smile on her face and hot-pockets in their hands. 
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a/n :: merry xmas + happy holidays everyone !! i hope everyone stays safe and had(s) a great holiday !! 
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moonlightjeno · 4 months ago
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surprise ?? lol. i’m your secret santa @hunjins​ i hope you enjoy this small jeno piece and that you have a great great christmas luv !! 
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loving lee jeno is like loving a star.
it’s loving a star that cares and admires. it’s loving a star that dedicates everything he has into his passion for music, dancing like there’s no tomorrow and always it seems to you to put the world before him. A star, that shines so brightly in your eyes that you don’t understand how the rest of the world isn’t in love with him because he’s become your world. but just like stars you that shine so bright, so clear in the midst of vast darkness as Jeno gives you hope at two in the morning when the classes seem to consume you, and the panic attacks begin to come,  you realize why people don’t always fall in love with stars.
Instead, they look away, turn their heads around while they cover their eyes in order for the star’s rays to not affect their eyesight and their health. But you realized too late, how loving a star would be so consuming so wholesome and unique how the experience and the emotion would encompass your very being to the point that it at times it left you agape. Gazing mindlessly as you looked at jeno go over and over the same dance move until it was perfected, or when his face would lighten up. At those moments, where the world seemed to fade away, become a blur and the one single clear focus in a room would be jeno, and his smile that would start as a small turn of the lips until it blossomed into something all-encompassing. Mouth open, a laugh bursting through eyes becoming those crescent moons that surround the stars. These moments when you see jeno and only jeno that you realize why maybe you shouldn’t have fallen in love with a star. Times like these because he shines so bright it’s hard sometimes to not be blinded and cry at the overwhelming love and light he radiates. but if stars shine so bright, and you love them so much, at one point they say the stars will overtake everything around them and implode. 
So you wonder if that were to happen and a raven-haired boy, that switches to caramel curls and snow-like qualities were to one day cease to exist the world would come down that you don’t want to be part of that. It’s times when jeno reminds you and thanks to you endlessly for playing along with the fake dating that he had asked you at the beginning that you feel that star and world crashing down on you and your one-sided love. Those times when you wish you hadn’t fallen in love with that star that had completely mesmerized you from the seen you had laid your eyes on him. 
Stars are bound to either explode or burn so bright that they melt everything away in their path. What people don’t realize about stars you think, as you sit on the edge of the rooftop the sunrise indicating the start to Christmas morning is that for all the heat they give away, all that passion that they use to execute everything perfectly, all that love that seems to be bottled up and only released in small actions. Actions that only those who pay close attention to stars like lee jeno would notice, like picking his members up from the floor, and playing with them until ungodly hours in the morning just to see them smile even if they have a dance class at six in the morning the next day, or watching a said horror special with renjun so that he wouldn’t have to watch it alone. a tiny moment in the span of a star’s life that makes the end everything that it is. 
you look out into the sunset, it’s red and orange flames slowly rising into the sky, the cold winds on the winter air wiping your hair backward as you snuggle closer into your hoodie, pulling your hoodie up. The rooftop gives you a view of the city, it’s skyscrapers that try and try to reach the sky’s limit and ultimately don’t succeed but are high enough that if you looked down you’d feel your vertigo climb back in, just like sitting on the edge gives you a rush of adrenaline that you’re not quite sure what to do with. The city is basked in the different colors of the sunrise, the bright star of the solar system making its way across the sky ever so slowly until your own star is wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you towards him. And you are no longer shivering, no longer amazed by the sun’s different hues and gradients of colors that are cast across the city line instead you are lost in his eyes and the way they hold your galaxy in them. 
Jeno’s eyes seem to reflect every emotion that courses through your body, your mind as he holds you closer to him, a star engulfing a comet passing by. What jeno thinks you don’t realize is that though he might be your star, you are his, always there, always bright. It’s when the sun had stretched its flames all over the city, casting shadows and light on each of your faces as you look at each other with a love so consuming that you realize that loving lee jeno isn’t like loving a star. loving jeno, is being surrounded by never-ending love, engulfed in something consuming that fills you with adrenaline and butterflies that never seem to calm down because every time you hold his hand, every time you kiss him light peppers around your face or lips against lips you fall in love all over again. 
so maybe falling for a star isn’t the best idea, maybe agreeing to become his fake date for a party that seems so far ago wasn’t the best idea but it got you to this point, where shy i love you’s are exchanged at the rooftop of the school’s dorms a love as big as the stars.
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lil note ,, i wrote this in like 40 minutes at 12 in the morning based loosely of a dream i head. but i do hope you liked it, ik it’s not much 😔 again i loved being your ss and much much love to you !! lets continue talking :)
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m0rklemelon · 6 months ago
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; who says i’ll keep holding on?
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it was a chilly afternoon, and the sun was already going down the horizon. you watch as Jeno's car drives further away from where you were waving goodbyes at them just seconds before. you hear bestfriend!haechan shift beside you, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he starts walking.
haechan had always disliked the idea of walking beyond his 300-step limit. “cars are invented so we don’t have to walk y/n” was what he always tell you whenever you invite him to walk home together. seeing his back move further away as the distance between you widens, you start to feel a little guilty for dragging him to walk home with you instead of opting to ride with Jeno, like the rest of your “smarter” friends.  
but you have always loved the feeling of the wind on your face, the smell of trees, the view of the houses, and the people hanging out outside their houses, in their own little world. It wasn't much, but it helped you relax and take your mind off school and work.
"hey! why are you just standing there?" haechan's distant voice snaps you back to reality. you turn to look at him, who is now standing in a distance, his hands resting on his hips and his head tilted. you notice how the warm sunlight hits his face perfectly, illuminating his tan face and the moles that sprinkled it. "you're not planning to ditch me and ride the bus home instead are you?" taken aback, you throw your head back and laugh loudly at his remark. if only he hadn't been squinting at you accusingly, you would have fallen in love with how good he looked, right then and there. "dammit, didn't know you'd catch on." you joked as you jog to catch up with him.
he reached his hand to flick your forehead, which you swiftly dodged by moving back. annoyed at his failed attempt, he pulls you closer by your wrist, maneuvering you so you’ll be situated on the inner side of the sidewalk "stay beside me where I can see you. you said we will walk home, so you better be walking home."
"how can I be sure that you will not be the one ditching?"
he stops walking and turns to you with that annoying smirk on his face that he always pulls whenever he teases you. mentally bracing yourself from what’s to come, you slowly move away from him. "wanna hold hands then?" he offered as he moved his face closer to yours. disgusted, you turned away and gagged without missing a beat. haechan knows how easily you cringe at random affection, so he always made sure you get to hear cheesy things at least once a day just to spite you. he lets out a satisfied laugh at your reaction and continued walking with a smug face that didn’t go unnoticed. "the only time I'll hold your hand is when you're hanging off a cliff," you snapped. "Aw, so you won't let me die?" he coos back. "that's so sweet of you y/n."
with all the strength you can muster, you grabbed his hoodie and made him turn to you, his face stops just a few inches from yours. surprised, he only blinks at you with wide eyes as he feels a bit anxious of what you’re trying to do. you continue to stare at him for a few more seconds, the tension slowly thickening. you leaned a little bit, close enough for him to be able to hear you whisper. 
"who says I'll keep holding on?" 
you blow air on his face before shoving him to the side of the road, giving you ample time to sprint away, laughing in hysterics. it didn’t take him long to start running, as you hear him shouting close behind you.
the two of you zoom past the quiet sidewalk, surprising an elderly woman on her lawn who was watering her plants. she smiles as the two of you shout a distracted apology and continue running like kids around the neighborhood, seemingly in your own little happy world.
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moonlightjeno · 6 months ago
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[ 3:09 pm ] the laptop screen reflected your face and three others. the zoom breakout room, making it possible for you four too communicate with each other, laughing as you worked on your math homework. integrals were a bitch. 
“so me and renjun were thinking, for the fundraiser we could make a guide to relationships” the words come from your best friend, as she looks directly at you and then the black haired boy on the screen. eye smile present. 
“what do you guys think?” the question is general, but you almost feel as if it’s directed at you. you’re very much aware on the crush you’ve had on jeno for the past year, and it isn’t a secret well at least to everyone except him. 
“uh...yeah that sounds like a good idea” you mumble, glaring at your friend who seemed only too happy to hear your response, and a little too excited when she asked jeno what he thought. the black haired boy just nodded, an awkward laugh bubbling up between the group. the integrals you had been struggling on were out of sight out of mind, replaced by the idea that jeno might find out about your crush on him.
the worst seemed to pass, and you were about to end the zoom call class almost over, until haechan decided to speak up “you two should read it” he says looking at you then jeno on the screen, “and maybe finally date” 
your about to protest, but the call ends, and your left dumbfounded staring at the screen, the integrals still haunting you. you were going to kill haechan. 
in the midst of plotting how to kill haechan, your laptop chimes the face time song ringing through your headphones, the white fluffy samoyed porofile pitcure popping up. you panic for a a couple of seconds before deciding to pick up,  jeno’s never ending smiling face appears. 
there’s a silence that seems to span for ages, of you two just looking at each, two people with lovesick smiles on their faces. 
“so...” 
“so” jeno says with a laugh, and you don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone this much, and when he looks at you again, his cheeks are flushed, hope lingers in his eyes, 
“what do you say about that date?”
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moonlightjeno · 8 months ago
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[ 9:12 pm ] you struggled to keep your eyes open. The words form the textbook in fromt of you blurring together slightly, from looking at them for fat too long.
The moment you had finished classes, the professors words a light drone to your ears, it was back to work by the college’s library and after the three hours shift would you finally get home only to jump straight to the textbooks. It had become a habit to not eat dinner anymore, instead drinking strong coffee as a replacement to the nutritional food you should be digesting but couldn’t afford to eat. School gave too much work, and there were only 23 hours and 56 minutes.
Jaemin had gotten used to, much to his despise and concern, to seeing you glare at whatever textbook you had in front of you, notes scattered over your desk as you glanced from your laptop to your textbook. At times it almost seemed as you were tracking a ball, head constantly boping up and down. It made his heart ache, any time he would come back from practice, on Saturday’s a time alloted for you two to have time together only to find you stressed over the books. Though a small smile would graze his face at times like today, when you were almost asleep despite the early hour. Where he would come up behind you and mumble something in you ear, the sniper tickling your neck making you giggle. Times when you would finally look up from your books, and take in Jaemin messy hair and bright smile always ready to love you. Times when all it took was a look, and his arms would come around you, holding you in place with all the love you’d ever need. Because it was Jaemin, with his bright and never ending energy that would keep you going, hugs that seemed to never end where you could stay stuck to each other for hours enjoying each other’s presence. times like these were the lines on the books weren’t blurring in front of you that you felt at ease, with the boy you loved next to you.
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 lil drabble for louna ( @mismatchmark​ ) ly lots bb. and i hope this brings a small smile.
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moonlightjeno · 8 months ago
“I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again” + Haechan please 💕
oi thank you for requesting !
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you were still shaken from the events of the night. getting kidnapped, being held to gunpoint was not something you thought about often. or ever really. 
the night had started out like any other, you had finished closing up at the shop. a small antique shop in the middle of the city, that had been owned by an old couple who had let you start working there. the streetlights were the only source of light you had, as you walked towards the bus station, headphones in trying to block the busy noise of the streets. 
it was because of the blasting music, as you slightly skipped to it the rhythm of whatever song played. that stopped you from hearing as hands wrapped around your eyes, and covered your mouth. muffled noises and a yell that ripped from your throat to no avail. the hands were still around you, and shoving you into what you assumed to be a car. 
the memories come to you in shards, bits, and pieces of information that you can’t fully piece together. you’re not sure you would have ever agreed to go out with the boy with shaggy brown hair, and teasing personality if you knew it would lead you to this. 
but when you shiver, the fear still deep in your bones, and wrap your arms around yourself. the mug of hot chocolate warm in your hand, as you sit by the foot of haechan’s bed you can relax ever so slightly. as his arms wrap around yours, a bright smile on his face filled with love and protection. a hand trailing the scar on your arm from a cut given to you in your time under capture, he speaks. his words thought quiet, hold a promise and strength. and you know he means every word when he says “i won’t let anyone hurt you ever again”. 
you can feel the smile that spreads on your lips, as you move in closer to his side. you know that even though what he promises can be fulfilled the life of the mafia isn’t one of safety. that as long as he’s by your side there is a comfort that you have. and for now, the love that you share is enough. 
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send me a member [ ateez + ot7 dream ] + prompt/trope and i’ll make a small drabble out of it
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johnny-suh-tiramisu · 9 months ago
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Some lq photos of hq man Yuta❤️
Bless your eyes babes💋
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moonlightjeno · 9 months ago
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𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 :: mark x reader
𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 :: angst, fluff if you look close enough. fantasy au!
𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 :: 5k ?? ( hopefully )
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 :: life had never been easy. especially when you’re an outcasted demon endured to slavery under the false gods. so when he finds an innocent human who seems to be in a very condition than him, well what else can he do but try to get them to change places with you? he is branded by the sin of envy after-all.
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 :: cursing, anti-gods movement of sorts, false gods, death. i’ll add more once i’m done i’ve only written 1k
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Golden hell. That’s what Mark called the place he was placed in, where the false gods who had accused him of being overly jealous of the world around him and too willing to trade and sacrifice the gods and their “high” and “mighty” morals all for a lick of freedom. It was when mark, eyes dazed with wonder and with the yearning to learn more about the world that he would so often see through the cracked walls of the overly bright and heavenly place that he was caught in the act of wishing to trade places with one of the humans. And there’s this thing about the gods, that the world, teachers all preach about. They tell you about how wonderful and forgiving they are, they tell the children who sit cross-legged with no better understanding of the world around, eyes open wide, mouths agape and open hands grasping onto anything around them as the adults spew on lies and more lies about the gods and their perfection. The thing about gods is that they aren’t gods at all. The gods are false, and Mark found out quickly when he was cast out for not wanting to become one of the false gods. Cast into the barren land in which he stood now. 
The realm in which mortals come through when their souls have left their bodies, and it is up to Mark to tell them that they haven’t been sent to heaven no matter how small of a crime they have committed. It is mark’s job to look at the soulless bodies and tell them about the world that they have entered. The world that greets them, the world that envelops Mark in its dark claws buried them deep into him, a permanent brand on his collarbone of the outlines of a serpent to represent his sin. 
Souls come into a barren desert. There isn’t fire being sprung from crevices in the ground, no castle made out of ebony and skulls from those who have tried to come to save their loved ones, something that mark had never understood. Instead, when the souls enter the realm of envy, they are met with barren and dry air, something that would suffocate you and make your throat run dry to the point where you want to claw at it just to get some sort of air in. The realm of marks sin, which has condoned him to a life of hell and biding, everyday greeting and every day guiding the souls to the torture chambers that is the realm itself make him want to rip his skin out, claw his way out of the sand that surrounds every crevice every hole around him. If he thought about it, as he often had all those years ago when he had been first sent into the golden hell it was genius. The perfect hell for one who wants to take from others, for the boy who just wanted a lick of freedom a taste to the outside world from which he had grown up and take and become everyone else around him. The generosity behind his personal hell was that there was no one to compare himself too. No one to take and bargain an offer so that he could have their lives. That is until the golden specks on the shattered mirror began to part, and slowly did the gold and slithering snakes that hung at his sides begin to show him a shape a body. A new realm. 
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𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙨
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moonlightjeno · 10 months ago
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𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬: [roomate!au] +  [enemies to lovers] + [“you have the emotional capacity of a brick”] w/ jeno 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: f l u f f and full on crackheads. this is a mess 𝐰𝐜: 2k
𝐚/𝐧: rebloggin bc my tags aren’t working lemme pray and hope they work now
Having a roommate or really lack thereof was nothing like the movies, especially when lee jeno was involved. It’s not like you saw him often, he seemed to spend most of his time either in his room the only sound coming either grunts or the click click of the video game controller that he seemed to be attached to dearly. You were almost sure he talked more to the tv screen in his room and his phone were six other voices would at times come through, seeping through the door. 
When your old roommate had suggested you move in with jeno, you had initially agreed. From what you’d heard from him he wouldn’t get much in your way, loved animals so wouldn’t mind you bringing your cat and he was cute. Jeno was the epitome of a perfect roommate according to the paper in front of you and Jaemin who’d had to leave you and therefore make you move because of a modeling gig he’d been presented halfway across the world. The boy at least had shown you pictures of the boy who you’d be spending the rest of the year with and when you’d first seen them you couldn’t deny that he was easy on the eye. The pictures that jaemin had shown you had done him no justice, had been your first thought when you’d the boy who’s black hair had been pushed back, clothes clinging to his body from sweat, a result of what you had later learned was from a late dance practice you had been stunned. The initial stun of his beauty quickly faded the moment he opened his mouth only too close it back up again, and turn around leaving you in the entrance hall. 
The relationship between the two of you didn’t grow much from the initial encounter. It seemed that jeno would either spend too much time outside and come back to your apartment marks left along his neck where he would maybe wave a hi to you, and if it was a good day wouldn’t complain about you taking up most of the space in the living room. On your defense, he never used it either way. At least that’s what you thought, it had never occurred to you that the boy was to shy to disturb you, or that anytime he would come in the living room only to find you concentrated, most of the time scribbling over papers across the desk that he didn’t want to bother you. Especially when you looked kinda cute, all concentrated on whatever it is you were working on, he never asked never dared to. 
Three months into the rooming and it seemed that you had traded the boy you loved and had grown to be one of your closest friends for a stone-cold dark-haired boy. Jaemin was a foil to jeno in every way possible that the english dictionary could come up with. Where jaemin would greet you by the door almost every day, and was ready to give you a hug and talk about your day to no end jeno wouldn’t. The most jeno would do was tell you what the weather was outside on the occasion you went out to get the groceries, but in the times of a global pandemic, those were few. No relationship seemed to blossom, not that either of you put much effort into making any sort of conversation, the most you would get out of jeno were vague nods or “mmhhhmmm” that always had you questioning if he was agreeing or disagreeing with you. It had seemed to become a sort of talent to be able to distinguish between the different noises that jeno would make, most of them when you were involved in the speech were negative. That is what one would gather from the low tone that would come from grunts, half of the time it was jeno not every really knowing what to say on the subject of the human body and it’s many muscles, he was a dance major he didn’t know. 
Five months and quarantine hits your city. It’s during moments in quarantine that you are grateful for it and the organized chaos it brings with it in the apartment. Well peace is you considered music blasting through the household as jeno practiced his dance and choreographed new routines while zooming with his even louder group of friends. The pumping music though made up because when you would see jeno a smile or the ghost of one would grace his features, and you two would at times, very small times would make conversation about the weather. Talking about the weather had truly just become a joke, as neither you or jeno could actually leave the apartment. Nevertheless, jeno never failed to remind you when it was going to rain, it was both sweet and slightly annoying you couldn’t quite decide. It was on rare days, when you would get back from a daily grocery shop run you would find dinner prepared. Too much of your surprise it had been edible the last two times he has cooked, and though not much conversation flowed between the two of you it seemed this hate to hate relationship had become a more of acquaintances to acquaintances. It was progress, and you couldn’t help but smile at it.   
There were times when you looked at him, times when you two though wouldn’t talk to each other but would decide that on that night you would maybe attempt to get along better. These scenarios tended to end up happening from the constant nagging that jaemin put you both through, a constant “just talk” and “i swear they aren’t as bad as you think” and you couldn’t forget his most recent one that drove you nuts to no end “are you sure you don’t just you know like him?”. The phone conversation tended to end with a beep the second those words left his mouth, only for jaemin to text you about it continually. You were happy when that jaemin lived so far away in those moments if not you were sure he would have died either from you or jeno. It was one of the rare things you two agreed on. 
Multiple conversations later with jaemin, in which both you and jeno were yelled in, concluded in your current situation. Each of you on the couch positioned on opposite ends, your cat in between the two of you, ready to watch a movie.
“So… what movie do you wanna watch?” you posed the question, not expecting much of an answer apart from maybe a shrug or a complaint on why were the two of you doing this again. 
 “Ummm, are you good with avatar? I haven’t watched it in a while and the sequel is supposed to come out” the suggestion left you gaping at him, eyes wide at the fact he had directed more than five words to you.
“Hold up” the awe in your voice was very much present which caused jeno to turn around and look at you, “did you just actually give me a sentence?” you couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on your lips and it only grows when you see jeno, biting his lip a small attempt to stop his smile from showing. 
“And…” you move closer to him, sitting in front of him one hand pointing slightly at his lips, “are you smiling?” you can’t help the laughter that leaves your lips, and soon jeno has joined you. Though he stops quickly the moment you see him looking at you, a genuine smile on his face. 
“Whatever. Just play the movie” he grunts, shifting his boy to face the tv and hugging your cat next to him. If it weren’t for the fact that you were almost sure you’re cat loved jeno more than he loved you, even if jeno was allergic to them you would have tried to rob him back. But this was the most you’d gotten out of jeno and you sure as hell wasn’t about to ruin it.  
“I’m on it, i’m on it” you mumble, as you search through your disney+ account expecting to find the last few shows and movies you’d been binge-watching cars a childhood favorite of yours right at the top and avatar which at this point you almost thought you watched religiously right next to it. The moment the screen showed Cars, you heard a cough from beside you. Your glare on jeno made him look at you slightly eyes narrowing before he chuckled, rolling his eyes. 
“Why is Cars on here?” the question seemed to mock you and you only smiled. 
“Nostalgia. Why?” the movie brought up the fun and happy memories from when you were younger, you had watched it so many times the dvd had broken. 
“So it’s not because it’s just a bad movie and you wanted to make fun of it?” and just like that, you’re ready to fight jeno, even if the way his hair fell slightly across his eyes from not being cut in months, and the way is he moved just slightly you could see the muscles shift from beneath his white shirt. 
“Are you mocking Cars?” 
“Maybe. It has no emotional value” is his response, followed by a shrug as he turns again to face the tv eyes darting from the tv to you from his side-eye. Oh that’s it. You think bitterly before grabbing the pillow behind you and hitting jeno full face, your power yell leaving your lips. The thud the pillow makes as it collides with jeno’s face and the yelp that leaves his lips and you smile. 
“The fuck was that for?” he’s looking at you again, arms crossed against his chest, your cat no longer in sight.
“Because you” the emphasis on the word is caused by another hit in the shoulder, “have the emotional capacity of a brick.” jeno’s face is the only answer you need before you settle back into the couch, a proud grin adorning your face, until you are pulled by the waist a shriek leaving your lips. In some way you can’t fully understand you are now sitting on jeno’s lap, his face only centimeters from yours, and you can see the light specks of gold that swirl in his dark eyes. 
“No” the word is a whisper, and he moves closer to you, “i” you can feel his hands on your waist holding you in place “don’t” the movement is too fast for you too process but one moment your breaths are mixing and a noise you can’t place is in the background, and the next he’s kissing you. 
kissing jeno like everything related to jeno is nothing like you expected but everything you wanted. It’s slow and warm, and your hands come up behind his neck playing with the loose strands of hair. Kissing jeno is a new feeling, a way of conveying emotions when words between you two have always failed, and maybe just maybe it’s a confession because when you pull apart foreheads touching each other love-struck smiles on both of your faces you realize jeno isn’t that bad. 
“See?” a small peck to the lips, “my emotional capacity is beyond your reach” a grin replaces the small smile, “and i like you” another kiss, this time to the corner of your mouth and you thank the dark lights in the room from hiding the warmth from your cheeks. A small hmmm leaves your lips in response before you kiss him again, “i guess i like you too”
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moonlightjeno · 10 months ago
so like when youre free maybe you could do roommates!au + enemies to lovers + “you have the emotional capacity of a brick.” from the prompt list with im-not-even-gonna-say-his-name-because-you-know-it? hopefully with a happy ending idk maybe theyve both been burying their feelings for some time? dont push yourself and you dont have to do it if you dont want to 🥰 ly so much bubs ❤❤
asdfghj im so so so sorry this took me ages to actually write !! i do hope you like it’s seriously like just pure fluff and some small tiny angst but basically I want a jeno after this and you know why. 
𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬: [roomate!au] +  [enemies to lovers] + [“you have the emotional capacity of a brikc”]
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: f l u f f and full on crackheads. this is a mess
creds to @mozartwasajungkookstan ,, ty for the help on how to start this!
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Having a roommate or really lack thereof was nothing like the movies, especially when lee jeno was involved. It’s not like you saw him often, he seemed to spend most of his time either in his room the only sound coming either grunts or the click click of the video game controller that he seemed to be attached to dearly. You were almost sure he talked more to the tv screen in his room and his phone was six other voices would at times come through, seeping through the door. 
When your old roommate had suggested you move in with jeno, you had initially agreed. From what you’d heard from her he wouldn’t get much in your way, loved animals so wouldn’t mind you bringing your cat and he was cute. Jeno was the epitome of a perfect roommate according to the paper in front of you and Jaemin who’d had to leave you and therefore make you move because of a modeling gig he’d been presented halfway across the world. The boy at least had shown you pictures of the boy who you’d be spending the rest of the year with and when you’d first seen them you couldn’t deny that he was easy on the eye. The pictures that jaemin had shown you had done him no justice, had been your first thought when you’d the boy who’s black hair had been pushed back, clothes clinging to his body from sweat, a result of what you had later learned was from a late dance practice you had been stunned. The initial stun of his beauty quickly faded the moment he opened his mouth only to close it back up again, and turn around leaving you in the entrance hall. 
The relationship between the two of you didn’t grow much from the initial encounter. It seemed that jeno would either spend too much time outside and come back to your apartment marks left along his neck where he would maybe wave a hi to you, and if it was a good day wouldn’t complain about you taking up most of the space in the living room. On your defense, he never used it either way. At least that’s what you thought, it had never occurred to you that the boy was to shy to disturb you, or that anytime he would come in the living room only to find you concentrated, most of the time scribbling over papers across the desk that he didn’t want to bother you. Especially when you looked kinda cute, all concentrated on whatever it is you were working on, he never asked never dared to. 
Three months into the rooming and it seemed that you had traded the boy you loved and had grown to be one of your closest friends for a stone-cold dark-haired boy. Jaemin was a foil to jeno in every way possible that the english dictionary could come up with. Where jaemin would greet you by the door almost every day, and was ready to give you a hug and talk about your day to no end jeno wouldn’t. The most jeno would do was tell you what the weather was outside on the occasion you went out to get the groceries, but in the times of a global pandemic, those were few. No relationship seemed to blossom, not that either of you put much effort into making any sort of conversation, the most you would get out of jeno were vague nods or “mmhhhmmm” that always had you questioning if he was agreeing or disagreeing with you. It had seemed to become a sort of talent to be able to distinguish between the different noises that jeno would make, most of them when you were involved in the speech were negative. That is what one would gather from the low tone that would come from grunts, half of the time it was jeno not every really knowing what to say on the subject of the human body and it’s many muscles, he was a dance major he didn’t know. 
Five months and quarantine hits your city. It’s during moments in quarantine that you are grateful for it and the organized chaos it brings with it in the apartment. Well peace is you considered music blasting through the household as jeno practiced his dance and choreographed new routines while zooming with his even louder group of friends. The pumping music though made up because when you would see jeno a smile or the ghost of one would grace his features, and you two would at times, very small times would make conversation about the weather. Talking about the weather had truly just become a joke, as neither you or jeno could actually leave the apartment. Nevertheless, jeno never failed to remind you when it was going to rain, it was both sweet and slightly annoying you couldn’t quite decide. It was on rare days, when you would get back from a daily grocery shop run you would find dinner prepared. Too much of your surprise it had been edible the last two times he has cooked, and though not much conversation flowed between the two of you it seemed this hate to hate relationship had become a more of acquaintances to acquaintances. It was progress, and you couldn’t help but smile at it.   
There were times when you looked at him, times when you two though wouldn’t talk to each other but would decide that on that night you would maybe attempt to get along better. These scenarios tended to end up happening from the constant nagging that jaemin put you both through, a constant “just talk” and “i swear they aren’t as bad as you think” and you couldn’t forget his most recent one that drove you nuts to no end “are you sure you don’t just you know like him?”. The phone conversation tended to end with a beep the second those words left his mouth, only for jaemin to text you about it continually. You were happy when that jaemin lived so far away in those moments if not you were sure he would have died either from you or jeno. It was one of the rare things you two agreed on. 
“So… what movie do you wanna watch?” you posed the question, not expecting much of an answer apart from maybe a shrug or a complaint on why were the two of you doing this again. 
 “Ummm, are you good with avatar? I haven’t watched it in a while and the sequel is supposed to come out” the suggestion left you gaping at him, eyes wide at the fact he had directed more than five words to you.
“Hold up” the awe in your voice was very much present which caused jeno to turn around and look at you, “did you just actually give me a sentence?” you couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on your lips and it only grows when you see jeno, biting his lip a small attempt to stop his smile from showing. 
“And…” you move closer to him, sitting in front of him one hand pointing slightly at his lips, “are you smiling?” you can’t help the laughter that leaves your lips, and soon jeno has joined you. Though he stops quickly the moment you see him looking at you, a genuine smile on his face. 
“Whatever. Just play the movie” he grunts, shifting his boy to face the tv and hugging your cat next to him. If it weren’t for the fact that you were almost sure you’re cat loved jeno more than he loved you, even if jeno was allergic to them you would have tried to rob him back. But this was the most you’d gotten out of jeno and you sure as hell wasn’t about to ruin it.  
“I’m on it, i’m on it” you mumble, as you search through your disney+ account expecting to find the last few shows and movies you’d been binge-watching cars a childhood favorite of yours right at the top and avatar which at this point you almost thought you watched religiously right next to it. The moment the screen showed Cars, you heard a cough from beside you. Your glare on jeno made him look at you slightly eyes narrowing before he chuckled, rolling his eyes. 
“Why is Cars on here?” the question seemed to mock you and you only smiled. 
“Nostalgia. Why?” the movie brought up the fun and happy memories from when you were younger, you had watched it so many times the dvd had broken. 
“So it’s not because it’s just a bad movie and you wanted to make fun of it?” and just like that, you’re ready to fight jeno, even if the way his hair fell slightly across his eyes from not being cut in months, and the way is he moved just slightly you could see the muscles shift from beneath his white shirt. 
“Are you mocking Cars?” 
“Maybe. It has no emotional value” is his response, followed by a shrug as he turns again to face the tv eyes darting from the tv to you from his side-eye. Oh that’s it. You think bitterly before grabbing the pillow behind you and hitting jeno full face, your power yell leaving your lips. The thud the pillow makes as it collides with jeno’s face and the yelp that leaves his lips and you smile. 
“The fuck was that for?” he’s looking at you again, arms crossed against his chest, your cat no longer in sight.
“Because you” the emphasis on the word is caused by another hit in the shoulder, “have the emotional capacity of a brick.” jeno’s face is the only answer you need before you settle back into the couch, a proud grin adorning your face, until you are pulled by the waist a shriek leaving your lips. In some way you can’t fully understand you are now sitting on jeno’s lap, his face only centimeters from yours, and you can see the light specks of gold that swirl in his dark eyes. 
“No” the word is a whisper, and he moves closer to you, “i” you can feel his hands on your waist holding you in place “don’t” the movement is too fast for you too process but one moment your breaths are mixing and a noise you can’t place is in the background, and the next he’s kissing you. 
kissing jeno like everything related to jeno is nothing like you expected but everything you wanted. It’s slow and warm, and your hands come up behind his neck playing with the loose strands of hair. Kissing jeno is a new feeling, a way of conveying emotions when words between you two have always failed, and maybe just maybe it’s a confession because when you pull apart foreheads touching each other love-struck smiles on both of your faces you realize jeno isn’t that bad. 
“See?” a small peck to the lips, “my emotional capacity is beyond your reach” a grin replaces the small smile, “and i like you” another kiss, this time to the corner of your mouth and you thank the dark lights in the room from hiding the warmth from your cheeks. A small hmmm leaves your lips in response before you kiss him again, “i guess i like you too”
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moonlightjeno · 10 months ago
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out !!!!
i finally finally finished this fic, and i’m pretty happy with it. 
preview |  𝖋 𝖎 𝖈 !!
playlist :: the a team - ed sheeran. i.f.l.y - bazzi. waking up slowly - gabrielle aplin. best years - 5 seconds of summer. renee’s song - bazzi. home - seventeen. kids in love - mayday parade. run it - midnight kids. invisible things - lauv. what am i - why don’t we. lucky strike - troye sivan. black and white - niall horran. don’t know what to do - blackpink. vas a quedarte - aitana. come through - eric nam. 
poem ::
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you star. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right I hate it when you lie I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact you didn’t call But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close not even a little bit, not even at all.
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