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glitxhwayventeen · 2 years

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The Established One

Winwin

Characters: Winwin x female reader

Warnings: annoying fluff at the end, slight secondary angst I guess?, complaining, mentions of pain/soreness, mentions of loneliness/depression, mentions of past bullying, mentions of crying, mentioned of war/famine, mentions of wishing a whole group of people being subhuman, brief thought of pregnancy termination, thoughts of getting rid of a baby, hints to the reader being on the spectrum, mentions of abandonment/death, mentions nausea/throwing up, mentions of hunger, pregnancy talk, some swearing/cursing.I think that’s it but lmk if i missed anything pls!

Author’s Note: Oh and if anyone wants to be added to a tag list for this series let me know. Also let me know which members or if it’s just for all of them! Also, the part two for his will be between Yangyang and Hendery’s part since they’ll play a role in bringing them together. So don’t be shocked that it’s out of order i did it on purpose I swear. Also I modeled this character after my little sister who also helped me edit it. If it’s not like you own experience with people on the spectrum, please remember that not everyone is the same and that the spectrum is more like a push and pull circle and not a line!

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Watch It All Burn Masterlist

The Established One: Part 2

☁️ and 🥀

Bold- Dialogue Italics- Thoughts

Tag List-

After a long day of confusing yet invigorating college classes, Sicheng finally managed to make his way through the pack’s front door and plant his two feet directly opposite his bedroom door.

When his arm exhaustedly turned the polished knob to open it, he was met with the all too welcoming site of his greatest escape: your shared bedroom. And that’s where he found you. You were curled up in the fetal position, crying your little heart out while rocking back and forth underneath your puffy comforters.

The scene was both surprising and chilling to him for more reasons than one.

It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable with seeing you express such emotion. He just wasn’t used to it in the slightest. He wasn’t used to seeing you show such… weakness?

Not that he thought crying was a sign of weakness or that he thought you were weak. No, you were far from it. You were quite literally one of the strongest and most level headed people Sicheng had ever met. You had been through so much in your short life.

You were abandoned at an orphanage when you were young because your parents didn’t want to deal with your unique needs and had to hide your neurodivergency from a country that refused to admit people like you even existed.

You lived through the traumas of war, the hauntings of famine, and the phantoms of hunger. From being beaten bloody by bullies who didn’t understand you to scrounging for scrapes to keep yourself alive, you were someone that, as much as society tried to kill, refused to yield to the grand designs harsh scheme.

The list of events from your harmful past was damn near endless at this point. You had gone through so much more than he had or probably ever would, yet you never once complained. You never once batted an eye or gave up. You had never once cried in the six years he had come to know and love you.

You were someone he looked up to (albeit figuratively of course because you were incredibly short even by Chinese standards) and so he considered you a force to be reconned with. He considered you a stronghold of unbreakable cement foundation, a much needed light at the end of life’s all too dark tunnel.

So the image was simply something he had never expected to see from you. Much of the time, you prided yourself on your hardened exterior that you presented to the world.

Even during the most trying of times you refused to let your guard down, much like Sicheng himself. It’s why you fit together so well. Like two pieces of the same hazed puzzle board finding their way together after having been apart for too long.

You both understood you each needed space and liked to keep your distance from most people over 90% of the time. You both respected the boundaries you had unspokenly set together during the course of your relationship.

But lately, the lines between your boundaries felt more like wedges. He had noticed that cooled persona you tried so hard to keep had begun tearing at the seams. He couldn’t understand why it was happening as feelings weren’t really his forte either.

Though he knew your situation was always… different than his own. And so over the years he had learned how to help you when you had your different episodes, which was something in itself he had to adjust to as he hadn’t even realized that ‘episodes’ could mean different things at different times before you met.

He figured out what situations were okay to physically comfort you and which situations required him to get you as far away from everyone else as possible.

He found that loud noises could make you struggle more than others at times, so he bought you easily foldable sound canceling headphones that you could always have at the ready if you went out to block all the extra commotion out.

Not that you even really went out of the house much since you had all arrived to the foreign land you now lived in as you were self conscious about being the least fluent in Korean, but still. He thought you could even use them in the house when the pack got too loud, and you did.

He noticed that when you moved your hands up and down in a hurry, it usually meant you were super happy. But he also knew that the stimming usually meant that there was a higher possibility of you being overstimulated and that you needed to tread lightly in whatever it was you were doing to not overwhelm yourself.

He quickly realized that if you started rocking back and forth on your heels, it usually meant you were close to having a meltdown because you were never taught how to deal with certain situations growing up and now they sent you into a fight or flight mode.

And by your relationship’s current milestone, he had also taught himself to watch you even while having to give his undivided attention to something else to look out for your little cues no one else could seem to pin point. He was always prepared to drop everything he was doing to help you or care for you in times where he knew you’d be unable to properly care for yourself because of your own personal struggles.

Sure Sicheng still struggled with expressing his own emotions, but he was working harder on outwardly showing them for the both of your sakes. He didn’t want things to end up being made more difficult later on in your lives due to the fact that neither of you properly could present your wants and desires to others. He knew that wasn’t healthy.

He also knew however, that since your strain with it had been naturally hardwired into your brain at birth, it should be up to him to pick up any and all extra slack when it came to the matter. He didn’t want you to feel you had to change in the slightest and he knew it would be less traumatic for him to work on his troubled than you anyways. It just made more sense.

Now though, everything was evidently even more different than you had been used to.

Now, he could see your once icy front thawing before him every time he looked in your piercing eyes. Little by little, the once vibrant fire lit behind them had transformed into a barren ash filled wasteland of misery and despair.

Unlike everyone else, he could tell that when you were looking at someone you were really looking right through them and not at them. It was like you were just going through the motions. Like you were just a thin shell of your once eagerly analytical self.

He had attempted to figure out what was wrong multiple times, though every time you just brushed his questions off and told him not to worry about such things. You still went on with your day of scolding the younger members of the pack and doing your Korean lessons so you could one day integrate more into the new society you all found yourselves in like it was nothing, all while giving him a simple tight lipped smile here and there in the hopes of putting off the illusion that you were doing okay.

But even with your reassuringly hallowed words, he still couldn’t help but to be greatly concerned for you and often wondered if one day you’d finally admit you weren’t doing as well as everyone thought you were.

He debated whether your answers were just as void and empty as your once beautiful eyes had become or if you truly somehow meant them.

And, as he stood in his doorway listening to the echoing room of cries with a heavy heart, the spectacle he was met with confirmed his suspicions that you were indeed struggling more than you were letting on.

Though some part of him actually thought you exhibiting such obvious sorrow was a step in the right direction in you accepting and coming to terms with the inner demons you seemed so hell bent on running away from, a bigger part of him just wished you didn’t have to deal with it at all to save you the hurt you must’ve no doubt been going through.

“My love,” Sicheng cooed, kneeling beside you after he made his way into the room and shutting the bedroom door behind him, “What’s wrong?” He questioned, gently rubbing what he could only assume was your back based on your current body outline once he deemed it safe to touch you.

You were completely encased by a mountain of security blankets, something you had done to fake protection for yourself since you were a little girl, only leaving one tiny hole near your face to breathe. But it was enough for him to hear your sobs and whimpers clear as day.

And it nearly broke his heart in two. He wasn’t sure what was wrong but he knew that, despite your emotional barriers as individuals and as a couple, he would do whatever it took to cease the never ending sadness he could see now troubled you.

In a hurry once you noticed his presence, you wiped underneath your eyes, did your best to give your voice some stability, and sat up in your place as quickly as your aching body would allow you, “N-Nothing is wrong. W-What makes you say that something’s wrong?” You stuttered, hoping the boy in front of you wouldn’t notice the hesitation you gave off.

But he did. He always noticed when your mood changed. How could he not? You were his mate after all and your happiness and comfort was his number one priority.

Though you both knew he was far better help when it came to physical expression much like yourself, he would do his best to emotionally support you no matter what. Even if he was still continuously learning how to show that type of affection to another person smoothly.

“You’re crying. I’ve never seen you cry before baby,” Your mate replied softly to your originally rhetorical question, causing you to hang your head in shame.

If you could’ve heard him coming, you would’ve immediately stopped crying and started fixing your appearance to hide your outburst. But you didn’t have his hearing, so he caught you in the act you’d always hoped he’d never have to bare witness to.

After he gave you a minute to respond and received nothing, he tried to coax you into speaking with him about whatever it was that was bothering you in as loving a way as possible, “You keep saying everything’s fine but i don’t think it is. Are you sure there’s nothing you wanna say?”

He hesitated before he asked his next set of questions that singed the tip of his tongue.

Sicheng really didn’t want to have to ask, no one would given the circumstances. In fact, he may have actually dreaded asking because he was so fucking terrified your answer would be a blunt yes. But he had to know.

Even if knowing the truth would hurt him as much as you were hurting. It was important to lay all the cards out on the table nonetheless. For all your sakes.

So he let the spitfire words slip out of his mouth, “I-is it the baby? I-is that what’s wrong? A-Are you upset that we’re having the baby?” He worried in jumbled broken mandarin while laying his large hand on your growing stomach, causing you to wince internally at the panicky tone you knew he was intentionally trying to mask.

But even you could tell when the tall boy was scared. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why he was either. If your answer was yes to any of the asked questions he had asked, it meant you were both truly fucked one way or another.

You bowed your gaze and circled your swollen palms around your rounded belly, holding Sicheng’s hand in place as tears glided the waterlines of your eyes.

The baby in your body was now about 7 months along. At least, that’s what you figured based on your own calculations.

Because of the baby’s parentage, you couldn’t go and actually SEE a REAL doctor. The closest thing you had to one in your pack was your mate, but he was as lost as the rest of you when it came to children. It was all new territory for everyone in the pack.

The only one with any experience with babies in your household was Yangyang and Ten, both of whom had younger siblings. But even they were too young to really remember what having a baby around was like. It was basically the blind leading the blinder and even though they were all doing their best to help, you couldn’t help but think as though you were on your own.

You felt truly awful. How could you explain everything to Sicheng without feeling like the world’s worst person and most shitty mom when you yourself weren’t even sure your answers would be what you meant to say?

Feeling emotions and expressing them out loud was never something you excelled at. You were getting better at it for sure as you had been working day in and day out on ways to improve what you considered a problem before the baby came.

But that still didn’t mean you felt at ease with addressing everything weighing on you out in the open. He may have been your mate, but how could you feel okay with expressing them to another person when you weren’t even okay with expressing them to yourself?

When you first realized you were pregnant, you weren’t really sure what to do. You weren’t sure you ever even wanted kids, yet there you were holding a pink and blue positive pregnancy test as the pack jumped up and down at the thought of having a baby around. You froze on the outside while on the inside you thought of everything wrong with the situation.

Many of the boys had a very childlike manner themselves, so of course they wouldn’t realize that a baby was a living breathing person who required a lot of care, attention, and hard work. They only saw the cuteness and the fun that could surround them. But you knew the truth. And it terrified you.

You weren’t always emotionally stable, and neither was your mate for that matter. And since you were never really too sure on how far along you were, there wasn’t really a way for you to do anything about it even if you wanted to. Going to a normal doctor could’ve hurt the pack which was something you’d never do.

As the pack celebrated around you, you watched through the corner of your eye as your mate tried his best to hold back a joyful smile as he waited for your reaction to the news of the baby.

Not wanting to upset anyone or to hurt your mate’s feelings, you gave a more flatlined one back and cracked some stupid dry faced joke in an attempt to lighten the ever sinking weight growing atop your shoulders. But inside you were screaming in horror.

What if you said something irreversibly wrong? What if you screwed up what you meant because you couldn’t find the right words? What if you faultered in a language that wasn’t your native tongue because you got too frazzled? Or worse, what if your real answer ended up upsetting the love of your life and made him hate you the way you hated yourself?

Even as a million different scenerios and thoughts raced through your frantic mind, you couldn’t help but steal a glance up at the frazzled wolf in front of you.

As much as you wished you didn’t have to say anything for your own sake and security, you knew it wasn’t fair to keep your mate in the dark about your mental health. Especially because he had been visibly worried about you since you had left your home in china.

He asked you every morning when you woke up and every night before you went to sleep if you were okay, something he never used to do because he never felt there was anything upsetting you.

He used to be able to read you like a book. Knowing when you were hungry, exhausted, frustrated, or distressed were things he used to pride himself on since he had never been able to do that with anyone until he met you.

But since you got pregnant and had to leave everything you managed to build for yourselves behind due to the war, his instincts just told him something was wrong with you. Really really wrong.

And it seemed to just be getting worse, him catching you crying your eyes out in your shared room being a prime example of that.

So you mustered up the courage to look the elvin featured older boy in the eye, “I-It’s not about the baby. I mean-it is! But it-it’s not. I don’t even know I-”

“Just- just breathe and take your time baby,” Your mate calmly pushed a piece of stray hair behind your ear and gave you a small peck on the nose to encourage you, which in turn set your cheeks on fire.

You were never so open with your touches with each other except during your… sexual interactions. If you two were in public together before you had gotten pregnant and were actually allowed to leave the house, no one would’ve ever thought you were even romantically involved based on how you interacted with one another.

Of course, now that you were expecting, he had gotten much more protective and territorial over you. Even going as far as to put the arm that was seemingly glued to his side over your shoulders at dinner to assert some sort of primal dominance over his younger brothers.

But actually kissing your skin with small gestures of innocent love attached to it when you weren’t trying to get it on wasn’t something the two of you did. So it flustered you a bit more than you cared to admit.

You quickly shook off your sudden startled trance and took a deep breath, trying to wrap your mind around the topic at hand. You had to focus. You had to at least attempt to give him the answers he deserved or you’d just hate yourself even more.

“I-I just-” You began, closing your eyes to stop more tears from flowing down your face, “I just don’t know if I’ll be good at this whole m-mothering thing Winnie.”

The all too familiar stinging sensation began pricking itself to your eyes as you guiltily admitted your secret shame to the father of your child, “I-I want the baby, I- I do. Or at least, I want to love the baby. I just- I don’t think I’m cut out for this whole mom thing because… because of how I am…”

You could almost sense the hesitation and abrupt stiffness in your mate. He had an unreadable face that made you feel awful.

You dropped your head to spare your heart from anymore stray emotional strikes. He must’ve been so upset with you.

Sicheng wasn’t the best with words, but his actions, or rather his lack there of, spoke the volumes his voice couldn’t seem to reach. He must’ve hated you in that very moment. And you couldn’t blame him one bit for it.

Just as you were only starting to prepare yourself for him to start actually freaking the fuck out on you, you unexpectedly felt the bed dip behind you followed by a pair of strong muscley arms encasing themselves around your previously uncovered torso.

“W-Wha- I don’t under- I mean- Aren’t you mad at m-” You stuttered out in surprise while also slowly finding yourself melting into the love of your life’s warm embrace.

His hold always settled your nerves without even trying. As much as your mind told you to remain guarded, your body couldn’t help it. It was just how the damn mating pull worked.

You experienced a strange vibration feeling against your back, which was something you had come to know as a form of a instinctual purr emitting itself from his rib cage, “No, my love. I’m not mad or upset with you. I’m proud of you.”

Now it was your turn for a sudden move, one that had you shifting your position so that you could look Sicheng in his relaxed golden eyes, “Y-You are?”

“Yes baby. I am.”

It wasn’t that the two of you didn’t have feelings. You did have them, and at great depth at that. But you couldn’t always understand or explain them. And you struggled to accept them.

It may not have seemed like it to you, but you vocalizing your concerns just proved to him that you were giving it your all to be the best mother you could possibly be. And that was something that elated him to no end.

He turned you fully around so that you were sat completely in his lap with your hands and face planted firmly on his shoulder in snugness.

“I- I just don’t want the baby to grow up the way I had to. I- I’m afraid I’m passing my… issues down to them. It’s bad enough they would get stuck with me as a mother, but to have them also actually be like me? No child would ever wants to be anything but normal. It’s like they’re not even born yet and I could’ve already failed them as a mother.” You pouted, wiping the tears that had collected on your face against his shirt.

Sicheng knew that that was a worry of yours. That your medical history would be passed down to the baby and that they would be stuck in the same struggling position as you had been all your life. But it had never once been a concern to him.

In his eyes, there was nothing wrong with you so there’d be nothing wrong with the baby. As long as the baby came out breathing and crying, none of the rest of it mattered to him.

Whether it be that the baby was on the spectrum, or that they had an extra pinky toe, as long as whatever the baby could have didn’t hurt them, he wouldn’t mind whatever little quirks they might come with. He would just see whatever it was as part of their little self.

So long as they came happy and healthy, he would be content. He didn’t even have a preference on the baby being a boy or a girl either. He already loved them more than he had ever thought possible. Nothing would ever change that in his eyes.

He just had to get you to see it that way, “Baby, I know you’re scared for them. But if you think about it, our child’s gonna be far too lucky to be considered something as common as normal.” He reassured you with a kiss to the top of your head as he rocked you both back and forth at a soothing pace.

“How so?” You sniffled, attempting to focus on his words instead of his motions.

“Like with language.” He immediately declared proudly, “Our baby’s gonna speak at least three languages natively, and probably be fluent in Korean too. Most ‘normal babies’ aren’t gonna be that smart naturally.” Sicheng easily replied with an emphasis on the words normal and babies.

Of course you both knew language didn’t equal intelligence. But even you had to admit being able to speak four languages pretty soon after birth with the possibility of being able to learn more if they wanted as they got older seemed pretty impressive.

As he knew the wheels in your head must’ve been turning, he decided to keep going to further prove his point, “And the baby will have a whole pack of uncles and aunts behind them ready to defend them to no end.” Sicheng mentioned almost nonchalantly, “Lame normal babies wouldn’t have that many people to care for them so fiercely. So there’s no way they could be considered normal.”

You had to give it to him, the pack thing was kind of damning. Yeah it was normal for kids to have family, but your little family was definitely more than just average.

Your family was crazy, hectic, unorganized, and big, and it wasn’t even finished yet since most of the boys hadn’t found their mates. Yet you wouldn’t have it any other way.

They were the best thing that ever happened to you. Hell, they went out of their way to save your life despite the massive risks and the fact that they didn’t even know you very well at the time. So you knew that, with your pack, your baby would be spoiled and protected to no end.

“Let’s also not forget that they could be a big bad wolf themselves thanks to my genes. So if they got it from me they’ll never be considered normal.” He admitted playfully, still doing his best to ease your worries, “But I’d still say they would be stuck with something pretty awesome by their own standards since every kid literally dreams of having super powers or being magical at some point. Our baby could very well actually have that.” He argued, closely listening to your heartbeat for any signs of distress at his words.

As much as being around a bunch of wolves was or could be extremely dangerous at times, it was also unexplainably super fun. There was never a dull moment with the pack you had come to know and love.

And Sicheng was right, every little kid wanted that at one point. Kid’s wanted action and adventure and super powers, and thanks to their dad’s genetics, your child could actually get that in real life. Sort of anyways.

He chuckled a little bit under his breath, “And if they are a werewolf or even just has one or two of the mutations of one, they’ll literally never be able to stay hurt for long. They’ll be stronger and healthier than any of the ‘normal kids’ they would hang around with at school. They’ll be stronger and safer than any of the other kids around them without them even knowing.”

Once again, you couldn’t fault him. He was right. No one in the pack ever stayed hurt for too long. The baby could literally regenerate their self whenever they got injured with relative ease.

Ordinary kids would have to go to the hospital for the sniffles much of the time. Your baby might be able to actually throw their friends across a room from being so strong and healthy.

They would definitely give you less to stress about sometimes. And probably more to worry about as they got older, but that was for future you to deal with when the time came.

“And if the baby was like you,” He began, the both of you knowing full well what he meant, “Then they wouldn’t ever be put in the positions you had been growing up since they would have the both of us. We’d love them and each other till the day we stopped breathing.” You could hear the honesty all but pouring out of his plump mouth as he spoke of the love your little family would have for one another.

You’d never leave your baby like your parents left you. No matter what was going on with them, you’d love them till the day you died and you’d do everything in your power to make them feel more loved than you had ever felt growing up. And you knew your mate would do the exact same.

“And they would have their own mom to be able to teach them everything she knows on how to handle the difficulties they may face in being who they are. They would have their own life teacher who would help navigate their way through all their struggles and worries.” Sicheng finished with a soft smile plastered on his gorgeous face, “So yeah, our baby most likely will not be normal. But I’d say they’ve definitely got more going for them than any ordinary kid out there.”

Maybe your mate was right. Maybe your baby would still be okay if they ended up like you. You thought you had a pretty good handle on how to understand yourself for the way you were. You’d be more than willing to teach them everything you knew so that they could have as easy a life as possible, something you never had the luxury of having.

Maybe the baby could still be considered lucky if they didn’t end up being the typically normal baby most parents hoped their children would come out as. Normal’s overrated anyways.

“Thank you. I feel a little better now,” You whispered into your mate’s chest near inaudibly, “I love you.”

“I’m glad. Because I love you too my love. So much,” Sicheng responded, kissing the top of your head once more for good measure.

You pulled yourself from his still rocking body in a hurry to face him, “Okay I don’t mean to ruin the moment or anything, but this swaying, though good for me mentally, has definitely NOT helped with my morning sickness.”

His eyes widen in both horror and hilarity, “Okay yeah let’s get you to the bathroom before you throw up on me. Again,” he chuckled, helping you up from your shared bed to stand and lifting you out of the room bridal style.

“In my defense,” you joked with a small giggle, “You should know better than to stop a pregnant woman from getting up in the middle of the night.”

(Last edited on 12/2/2022)

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