PSA for Neurotypicals
If a neurodivergent person shows you their adaptations to help them conserve mental energy in order to function in a neurotypical world, please please please do not mock it or make comments such as:
(Under the cut for ableist commentary)
"I could never live like that." (Thanks, I have no say in the matter.)
"Why can't you just do it the way I do?" (In this essay I will -)
"That's so annoying that you carry [ insert planners/lists/fidgets, etc ] around with you." (Would you say this to someone with a physical limitation, like tell them to leave their cane at home?)
"I don't know how your [ partner/family/friends ] doesn't want to strangle you for how annoying this is." (WhY wOuLd YoU sAy ThIs?? No, for real, all of these have been said to me.)
So again, please do not make unnecessary commentary, or ableist statements, some of us are doing the best we can with the tools we have.
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Luke Castellan x hypnos!fem
tags: non-romantic relationship, fluff, Luke's pov.
summary: Luke Castellan was found by the way out his nightmares.
1,6k words
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Luke remembered it quite clearly, the night in which the whole... something between them came to be what is now.
He was sweaty and drained, being the only wishful thought he felt brave to feed, for the air to reach his lungs so he could run a little further. He had lost all his will, and he was now running on the only thing stronger than his determination, his fear.
Both Titan and kid could feel it, that night he was fated to succumb to the torture. His mind had already given its last pleadful breath when his foot tripped and his face met the floor. And he now cannot phantom the thought of how different his life would be if he hadn't lifted his head, she hadn't been there.
Luke saw her sitting, with a blank expression on her face, looking down at him. His hand reached for her never expecting to actually be aid, she took it and pulled him towards her. Once they were close to each other she said to him in a bizarrely sweet voice "Your screams were getting too loud". That was the last time the girl acknowledged his presence, as well as the last time he felt that sort of fear.
Somi kept rescuing him like that every night. She never explained why. Luke never asked her either. He would only sit there in what he guessed were the girl's own dreams, and wake up in the morning with just a thin grasp of the events.
Most things about the dreams (and the dreamer herself), were awfully confusing for the swordman-boy. He felt like she looked at reality with an eager infatuation, like she knew that guy better than the arbitrary rules that defined him ever could. Being inside her mind perhaps was making a number on him. Perhaps that's why she at some point stopped posing as the spacey buzzed girl everyone meditated with at times, and held herself in a homely sort of normality he developed a liking for.
She showed a part of her no one else ever saw. Altough it would probably be more precise to say she eventually stopped hiding it. Being honest with himself, Luke admitted that he toyed with the idea of him having found her.
She acted exasperated, bored, mean. She behaved like any person he would never mistake for her on the other world would behave. Their exchange right now was especially out of character.
She had entered his dream, as every night. She stepped in front of him and pushed his shoulders down, when he fell, he was met with the softness of a bed. Tonight's dream was apparently on a room. "Sorry for the mess." She said to the boy's surprise. He wasn't opposed to a change on their routine.
"Kinda used to it and all." he said. She answered with an understanding nod. "Did anything happen?" the Hermes boy asked just to keep this anomaly alive, to which she sighed.
"Evan just left." Curiosity flourished on the boy's throat.
"Like the real one?" the girl took way too long to answer and started stroking his hair while she thought.
"No... the dream one. But I'm pissed at him. And that's a naptime dream" she answered as if it was obvious. Even more questions arose, so she explained "Those are the dreams you aren't supposed to watch." Huh...
"What dreams I'm not supposed to watch?"
"You know, Castellan." she really meant it, he didn't had a clue. She got close to him to whisper teasingly, even knowing no one would really be able to hear. "The inappropriate ones" Oh.
He understood fast though, making sense of what teenager needs usually were. "I was naive on that one, wasn't I?"
"I mean..." she said chuckling while walking away from him. She sat down on a chair in front of a desktop. The place was humorously colorful.
"Ok. But like... Evan? Does that happen often?" He asked almost gossiply.
"I mean! Not anymore! He's a total prick." that made him laugh.
"Is he?" Luke asked, enjoying seeing her so annoyed, especially as he wasn't the cause.
"Yes. And you know what? I hate that, I hate this. Cause he goes around just getting the fuck he wants, and then pretends he 'didn't mean it like that'. Then I get mad, and he thinks I'm pretty when I'm mad, and I get pissed off when he says that, and then I'm horny when I'm pissed. And you know what? He doesn't deserve horny me." Sometimes she just was that unexpectedly honest. Luke just listened amused. She looked up and let out a frustrated groan. "And now I have to take care of you." That made him laugh, but he didn't want her to know that.
"C'mon I'm not that difficult" he pretended to be offended.
"No. But right now you're truly inconvenient" He put his hands up in the air as his sign of surrender before laying down in the bed. She stayed silent for a minute and Luke almost thought they went back to normal. The girl usually was quiet and still, looking lost into the air, or, only the contrary, highly invested in a task and barely paying him attention. Now she was neither, the chair was slowly spinning with her wearing a childish expression. She controlled every aspect of every scenario he had observed, and even when she didn't feel like going strong at it, she would prove her domain by popping something for him to distract himself. He took note of that when he saw a ray of sunlight entering the window, leaving a path she was now following in his direction. She was standing in front of the side of the bed again. "Sit." she said, way too used to having control over here. And, listen, he wasn't about to oppose an emotional all powerful being. Once he stood straight, she st looking taller than him, barely. She supported her arms on the top of his head. And sighed again. "I hate men".
"Oh, they are terrible" he teased.
She stayed silent for a bit, he was just being used as a table. Then he heard her. "What do you think about... weird". He understood perfectly.
"I've met so many demi kids, that word just simply lost meaning at some point"
"Ok, then..." she took a step back and looked at him now, lowering her head a bit. "do you consider me pretty?" He took a second to look at her, then shrugged and nodded. "Great then... tell me when to stop." She said while sitting on his lap, with both her legs at his left side, and reaching for his left hand. The girl held it against her face and started nuzzling against him. He couldn't ignore the thought that her actions weren't sexy at all, not as much as they were needy. She was like a cat looking for attention, and he truly didn't mind. He lifted his right hand to caress her hair, and she gave in to the touch. She had closed her eyes and moved the hand of her face down to her outer thigh.
His strong hand gripped her skin, almost performatively. He flirted using a lower voice. "What do you want?" his nose under her jaw, his breath against her neck.
The answer came only with her voice, as she didn't even bother to open her eyes or explore his touch. "I'll let you know when you're doing it wrong." Moody, bossy, and assertive. This was not more than a game for them. This was just a caprice. What is wrong with wanting things that feel right?
The girl held onto his left bicep and hid her face on his neck. They just stayed like that for a couple minutes. Somi hiding on his arms when Luke faintly felt the scent of her hair.
"Why did you rescue me?" wasn't enough to disrupt the comfortability of their scene.
"I already told you why."
"I wasn't screaming tonight."
Then the silence prolonged itself for longer than he would have chosen. The girl just gently pushed his body with hers, making them lay on the bed, side by side, looking into the ceiling.
"We... don't really know each other." He agreed with the sentiment on silence. "But, we both have been here for years so I know you know me." Of course he did. "And everybody knows you." He felt like he didn't quite know what she meant by it. "Luke 'the greatest swordsman in the last 300 years' Castellan, a born leader whose smile has infatuated half our population of half-bloods, who is always there to help when someone gets hurt."
Luke analyzed those words for a couple of seconds. Apparently not enough seconds. "Do you... like me?" She laughed.
"I don't mean it like that!" She then took a pause and moved her head to look at him, he followed. "What I'm trying to say is. There are so many children looking up to you, learning from your effort, going to sleep smiling because they know you'll be there to protect them, and when they fail... you don't make them feel like they failed you. I guess for a second I realized how much our spirit was relying on you. I thought maybe you needed someone to rely on too. I'm sorry if I'm making it awkward now." He didn't know how to answer, her eyes on his were feeling heavy for a second so he escaped by closing them. He didn't know how to answer so he just breathed and hugged her, hoping she wouldn't tease him about his heart rate. She didn't. She hugged him back.
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Autistic (at least ND) Kawata twins:
Smiley can't make eye contact while Angry stares into your soul
smile to mask - resting bitch face (not on purpose)
same thing with their voice (don't control intonation+volume very well)
^ lead to struggle with socialization
low to no empathy - hypersensitive
(drawn by violence, no sense of danger? - dislikes violence; only here to make sure his brother's safe and keeping him in check)
canonically likes plastic models and mangas but hides it to be popular (*cough* hiding your SpIns from others? *cough* being ashamed of them ? *cough* relatable *cough*) (also adds to struggle with socialization)
naturally knows how to make perfect ramen
both have a hyposensitivity to pain (OR - they don't know how to properly express it)
the several moments Smiley sit 'oddly'
cries when overwhelmed and lashes out (in their flashback/when they were young at least), perhaps meltdown
ramen is their comfort food btw. Wakui told me
(not but seriously, they swap expression when they eat ramen, that's so precious)
blunt, very straightforward
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