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#nearly forgot but this 20 year old is married
wannab-urs · 3 months
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Title: Under Your Skin
Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Javier Peña x F!Reader
Summary: You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, grew up with Javi, loved Javi… He comes back after nearly 20 years to find you hooking up with a certain former secret agent. He’s jealous, for sure, but of who? 
Warnings: mdni, 18+ post season 3 of Narcos, AU where Jack gets kicked out of the Statesmen instead of burgered, Javi being bi and repressed, Jack being a bisexual slut, SMUT, MMF dynamics, oral (f receiving), javi being a dick, oral (m receiving), javi tries to hit jack, gay kissing (!!!), making out, face sitting, reader kinda gets used and likes it, nipple play, throat fucking, Eiffel tower moment, brief f masturbation, brief m masturbation, pet names (sugar, cowboy, baby, hermosa), truly unreasonable amounts of cursing i’m sorry i talk like this, and also unreasonable amounts of southern phrasing, again sorry I talk like this, unprotected PIV, creampie, cum eating, teasing Javi, actually 90% porn with like a little backstory, kind of enemies to lovers, they’re all ranch hands technically, also they’re all romantically into each other but also javi is dumb and jack can’t believe anyone would want him for more than sex haha oops :)  WC: 3.5k
A/N: This is my @pedrostories Secret Santa gift to the lovely @javier-pena!! I hope it’s everything you wanted ahhhhh. I hope it's ok that this has nothing to do with Christmas and really doesn't even take place in the winter. I saw that you like Whiskey and Javi P, cowboys , and poly fics and like... could not resist. I tried my hand at enemies to lovers, a trope I love to read, but I think it came out pretty mild. I am so excited for you to read this!!!!! Happy Holidays ❤️
credits: dividers by @saradika // Thanks for the beta @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin, @beskarandblasters, and @idolatrybarbie
Jack Daniels Masterlist | Javier Peña Masterlist | Main Masterlist | AO3 | Kofi
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Working on a ranch isn’t easy, and it usually isn’t even all that fun. But it does have its perks. One such perk is currently on his knees with his face buried in your pussy. One of your legs is over Jack’s shoulder and you use it to pull him even closer, grinding your clit on his hooked nose. Just as you’re about to come, the door to the tack room slams open. You and Jack jump apart and you quickly start stuffing your legs back into your jeans. 
“For FUCKS sake, Daniels. This is the third time this week. Get back to fucking work.” Javier Peña, face red and chest heaving, looks like he just caught his girlfriend cheating on him. “And you. You should fucking know better.” 
You fasten the button of your jeans and smirk at Javi. “Know better than what, Javi?”
“Than to fuck around with some asshole like Daniels.” 
“He’s nicer than you,” you snark before storming out, making sure to slam your shoulder into Javi on the way out the door. He ruined a perfectly good orgasm.
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You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, taking care of the horses at first before graduating to fixing the fences and caring for the cattle as well. You and Javi had been best friends before he ran off to Colombia, spending every day after school and every second of daylight in the summer together on his father’s ranch. 
You had been in the back pew the day he never showed up for his and Lorraine’s wedding. You like to think you had something to do with that. He clearly, clearly, wanted out of Laredo, wanted nothing to do with the wife and 2.5 kids and picket fence life he was barrelling toward. 
His bachelor party was just the two of you drinking in the hayloft, you begging him to do what he’d always wanted to and him going on about duty and obligation. You’d almost kissed him that night, but stopped yourself. He was getting married the next day, for fuck’s sake. You’re glad he listened to you, in the end, even if he disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
In the years he was gone, you never really forgot about him. The truth was that he had been your first love, but you’d never worked up the courage to tell him, and then he was getting married and then he was gone. 
Jack looked so much like Javi that when he first showed up on the ranch, you asked if he was Javi’s cousin or something, a long lost Peña. He assured you he was from Kentucky and had no relation to the Peñas. Jack had been some sort of law enforcement, and the reason he was here on a ranch in Texas was a mystery to everyone but him. There were rumors he was fired, banned from law enforcement altogether, but nothing could be confirmed. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a bad past, but you never really know.
Jack is charming in a loud, overly confident sort of way. He’s smart as a whip and funny to boot. He’s a damn good time and he’s never asked anything of you but a good fuck and better company. It’s really more than you could have hoped for with Javi gone and no other prospects in town… that you had any interest in anyway.
Now, nearly a couple decades after he left, Javi is back working for his dad. He won’t talk about Colombia, even though everyone calls him a hero. You’d think he’d want to brag about his accomplishments down there, but he reminds you of war vets, the way he shuts down when anyone brings it up. 
He’s different now than the old Javi, your Javi, was. He’s surly, quick to snap at people, smokes like a freight train, and never does anything but sit in the bunkhouse and drink. You think you could handle all the change if he’d just talk to you. 
You were so close as kids, but now it’s like you don’t know him at all. The bright, funny, hot-headed kid you knew is gone and some asshole has replaced him. He barely speaks to you at all, but he treats Jack even worse – insinuating Jack can’t do his job, calling him an asshole at any given opportunity, even up and leaving a room when the man walks in. It’s ridiculous and you can’t figure out why he’s acting like this. Jack has never so much as looked at Javi sideways, even after all the harsh treatment.
You head to your room in the bunkhouse, all your work taken care of for the day already. It’s not like you were neglecting your job to hook up with Jack, as much as Javi might like to think that. You push open the door to your room and find Jack lounging in your bed, shirtless and barefoot. 
“Hey there, pretty girl,” Jack smiles at you, his eyes scrunching at the corners. God he’s cute. 
“Hi, cowboy. Made yourself at home, did you?” You start stripping out of your work clothes, not caring about Jack’s presence. Nothing he hasn’t seen before. Jack gets off the bed and pulls your mostly naked body into his chest, nuzzling your neck. 
“We got interrupted earlier.” 
“Fucking asshole. He’s just mad he’s not getting any.”
“May be more right than you know, sugar.”
You quirk an eyebrow at him but shrug off the comment, dropping to your knees and working at Jack’s belt buckle. 
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Javi hates that son of a bitch, he really does. He’s always sneaking off work to fuck whatever willing idiot falls for his charming smile and his stupid broad shoulders and his long bowlegs. 
He can’t believe you of all people fell for it, keep falling for it. Sure he’s pretty, but the guy is an asshole. Two days ago, he caught him in the store room with his hand down Jose’s pants. The guy is a slut, plain and simple. You’re too fucking good for him. 
Javi isn’t completely sure why Jack gets under his skin so bad. At least not in any way he’ll admit to himself or anyone else. Jack is charming without being sleazy, smart, good at his job, funny. There were rumors that Jack had done bad things in his past, though there’s nothing about the man that indicates he had, aside from his silence on the topic. Something Javi can’t honestly hold against him, considering his own refusal to open up. There’s no real reason for Javi to hate him, but he does. Everything the other man does sets him into a rage, his face hot, chest heaving, fists clenching. He wants to put his fist through a wall. 
He’s not quite sure where he went wrong with you. Sure, leaving for nearly 20 years does a number on a friendship, but he’s pretty sure it shouldn’t be this bad. You haven’t done anything wrong, other than fuck around with Jack, but every time he speaks to you now it’s a biting remark. A criticism of your work ethic, your choice in bed fellows, even your outfits. It’s like he has no control over his own damn mouth.
Javi knows he’s in the wrong, knows he should apologize for his comment earlier. He heads to the bunkhouse to find you. Your room is two doors down and across the hall from his. Javi doesn’t bother knocking, pushing the door open.
“Hey, do you have a sec–” Javi freezes in your doorway, catching an eyeful of you with Jack fucking Daniels’ cock in your mouth. Jack catches his eye and fucking winks at him. Javi ignores the twitch in his jeans and closes the door, stalking down the hall to his own room and slamming his door behind him.
Twice in one day? Seriously? He takes back the apology before he can ever offer it to you. This is just ridiculous. What do you see in Jack that you don’t see in him? And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? Javi wants you for himself and he’s pissed that Jack got to you while you he was off not catching Escobar. 
There’s a knock on his door and then, “Peña?” Fucking Jack Daniels. 
“Piss off, Whiskey. Not in the mood.”
Jack opens the door anyway, steps inside and shuts it behind him. Javi takes his disheveled hair, still bare chest and feet. The man hadn’t even bothered to button his jeans. Javi is on his feet in the other man’s face in seconds. “I said piss off, Daniels. Something about that you don’t understand?” 
“No need to be hostile, Peña, I just wanted to check on you. Stormed out of there pretty quick.” Jack doesn’t back up an inch. 
“Forgive me if I don’t want to see her with your cock down her throat.” 
“Why, Jav? You like her or something?” Javi shoves Jack until his back hits the wall, hard. “Or is it because you’re afraid you’ll like it too much?” Javi sees red. He swings on Jack, but Jack catches his fist and pulls the other man into his chest. 
“Fuck you,” Javi growls it, lips almost grazing Jack’s, their mouths are so close together. 
“That an offer?” Jack smirks. If Jack didn’t know better, he’d think he heard Javi’s breath hitch in his throat at that. Before he can wonder if Javi is gonna try to hit him again, Javi crashes their lips together. 
Jack drops Javi’s arm and grabs the collar of his shirt in both hands instead. Jack licks into Javi’s mouth, slots a thigh between Javi’s and feels the other man’s cock getting hard against his leg. Jack walks him back toward the bed, tugging at the buttons of Javi’s shirt. 
Suddenly, the door opens and Javi flies back from Jack as if he’d shoved him, sprawling on the bed. Jack doesn’t even turn to look at you, just stares Javi down.
 “Hey, I heard…” you trail off, taking in the scene in front of you. Jack standing in the middle of the room, looking even more disheveled than the state you’d left him in. Javi spread out on the bed, shirt half untucked and half unbuttoned, his dick clearly hard in his jeans. “What am I looking at here?”
“Nothing,” Javi spits out. 
“Me and Jav had a little fight, but we kissed and made up, Sugar.” Jack winks at you and you feel your cheeks heat, feel a flutter of arousal in your belly. 
“Oh really?” You run your tongue along your top teeth, trying and failing to contain a smirk.
Javi furrows his brow at you. Do you sound… excited? Jack glances back and forth between the two of you. 
“Why don’t you close the door?” Jack asks you, his voice low. You kick the door closed behind you and walk over to Javi. You take his face in your hands and tug him toward you until he’s sitting up on the bed.
“Close your mouth ‘fore flies get in, baby.” He snaps his jaw shut and you press a chaste kiss to his lips. “This okay?” Javi nods slowly. You climb onto the bed, straddling Javi’s thighs, and kiss him again, deeper and longer than the first. 
Jack makes his way across the room and settles on his knees behind Javi, gripping his hips and pressing his lips behind his ear. 
“How about this? Is this okay?” Jack whispers. 
“Y-yeah,” Javi honest to god stutters. This is not where he thought this was going. He doesn’t even like men. Not usually. 
Javi kisses you like his fucking life depends on it. He sucks your tongue into his mouth, tangles his own with yours. Drags his mouth down your jaw line, your throat, leaves a mark on your collarbone. You finish unbuttoning Javi’s shirt and Jack pulls it off him and tosses it on the floor before he sucks his own mark into Javi’s neck and Javi bites back a moan at the feeling. He buries his face in the crook of your neck. 
“I um- I don’t really-” Javi’s face burns hot. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. 
“It’s alright, I gotcha.” Jack runs his hands up and down Javi’s sides, soothing him. “Let’s start with something you’re familiar with, huh? Or at least I hope you are.” Jack slides off the bed, silently communicating with you what his plan is. 
You push Javi until he’s on his back in the center of the bed. You stand up and strip your panties and t-shirt off before you crawl up his body, dropping kisses on the soft curve of his stomach, his chest, his throat. You settle your knees on either side of his head, your soaked pussy hovering just over his face. This he can do, he thinks.
He grabs your thighs and licks a stripe from your core to your clit. You moan, one hand braced on the wall in front of you and the other fisted in his hair. He pulls you flush with his mouth and starts moving your hips for you, making you ride his face. He thrusts his tongue in and out of you while you grind on his nose, much like you had Jack’s earlier. They’re both so fucking beautiful, fuck. 
Jack gets situated between Javi’s spread thighs and takes in the sight of you straddling his face. It might be the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen. Your head thrown back in ecstasy, Javi’s strong arms pulling you back and forth on his face. 
Jack palms Javi through his jeans and he hears him moan into your skin. Jack strips his own jeans off, then drags Javi’s down far enough to free his cock. Jack’s mouth waters at the sight. Javi is thick, long, uncut. Fuckin’ gorgeous. He sucks the tip of Javi’s cock into his mouth, savoring the salty taste of his precum. Javi lets out a deep, muffled groan straight into your core and it sends you over the edge. Your cries only encourage Jack more and he takes Javi to the root, bobbing his head up and down the man’s length. 
Javi holds you to his face while he works you through your orgasm. He finally lets you go, and you fall to the side to catch your breath and shake off the aftershocks. 
Javi slides both hands into Jack’s hair, thrusting lightly into Jack’s mouth. Jack reaches a hand between his own legs and strokes himself while he lets Javi use his throat. You just came, but the sight of the two men together has your cunt clenching around nothing. You drop your hand to your clit and rub circles in time to Javi’s thrusts. 
Javi pulls Jack off him abruptly. “Fuck- you’re really good at that.”
“I know,” Jack smirks at Javi, his voice rough. 
“I’d really like to come in her tight little cunt though, instead of your mouth.” Javi looks over to you, eyes full of lust. “If that’s okay?” 
“More than okay, baby.” You shoo the boys off the bed and lay across it with your head hanging off the edge. Jack moves to stand by your head and slips the head of his cock between your open lips. Javi feels a twinge of jealousy at the way you both seem to know exactly what the other wants without saying a word aloud. But then you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer to you and he lets it go. If this is the only time Javi gets to have you, he’s not going to waste it being jealous of the guy who just sucked him off. 
Javi drags his cock through your soaked folds. “So wet for us, baby.” Javi groans as he pushes inside you, slowly sliding in to the hilt. “Fuck, you feel so good.” 
Jack cradles your head in one hand while he shallowly fucks your throat, playing with your tits with his free hand. He tweaks your left nipple and you moan around his cock. Every thrust from Javi pushes you further down Jack’s length, forcing him to fuck your throat. You’ve never been used like this before, like some sort of proxy for two men to fuck each other, but you fucking love it. You feel close to coming again already, and no one has touched your clit in minutes. 
Jack pulls Javi to him and crashes their mouths together. Javi lets Jack plunder his mouth for a moment before sucking on the other man’s tongue, drawing a moan from the cowboy’s throat. He may have never kissed a man, but he’s been with enough women to manage that. 
The two men sync up, thrusting into your holes at the same time and you feel like you’re ascending to another fucking plane of existence. There are no thoughts in your head except for Javi and Jack and how fucking amazing you feel. And, briefly, the thought of them both stuffed in your core, stuffing you fuller than you’ve ever been. You clench at that thought, and Javi has enough presence of mind to drop his hand to your mound, rubbing messy circles on your clit. 
Your body tenses, back arching as you get closer and closer to the edge, which only serves to open your throat up more for Jack. Javi grabs your hips with both hands and starts pulling you onto his cock, hitting your g-spot every time. Suddenly, your entire body tenses and your pussy flutters around Javi’s thick cock. Your vision blacks out as your eyes roll into the back of your head, coming harder than you ever have before.
Jack comes down your throat with absolutely no warning, too lost in Javi’s mouth on his and your mouth around his cock to say a word. You grab his hips and hold him deep in your throat, swallowing around him. The force of his orgasm knocks him forward on the bed, hands planted on either side of your hips and face buried in the crook of Javi’s neck as he paints your throat. 
Javi thrusts into you a few more times before his hips still, flush with yours. He comes deep inside you for what feels like forever, his cum spilling out of you and dripping onto the bed. 
He pulls out of you slowly, dropping a kiss to your thigh before he goes to get a towel to clean you up. When he comes back, he finds you with your legs thrown over Jack’s shoulders, the man eating Javi’s cum out of your cunt. Javi’s spent dick gives a valiant twitch at the sight. 
“Guess I didn’t need the towel then?” Javi jokes, tossing it onto the bedside table and climbing back onto the bed. Jack sucks your clit into his mouth one last time and pulls off with a pop. 
“Guess not,” Jack smirks. You and Jack settle in beside Javi, Jack pulling the man’s head to his chest and you resting your head on Javi’s torso. You all sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. 
“You’re not uh-” Javi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You’re not gonna tell my old man I-”
“That you like boys?” you snicker. 
“Not foolin’ anyone in those tight little jeans you wear, Jav.”
Javi presses his fingers into his eyelids and takes another deep breath. “Guys I’m serious.” 
“Of course. We won’t tell anyone. Not til you’re ready.” You lean up and kiss his cheek before nuzzling back into Javi’s tummy. 
“So you gonna tell her, or am I?” Jack looks like a kid in a candy store.
You sit up quickly. “Tell me what?” 
“Don’t–” Javi tries to plead with Jack.
“Sugar, he tried to hit me for messing around with you,” Jack interrupts. “Think he might have a crush.” 
“What the fuck, man?” Javi’s brow furrows so deep you think it might get stuck that way. 
Jack ignores him and addresses you, “He’s always starin’ at you and checking up on you and asking you for shit he can damn well get himself.”
“Javi, is it true?” 
Javi looks up at the ceiling as if he’s praying for God to have mercy on him. 
“Yeah, hermosa. It’s true. Lo- Liked you since I was a kid.” 
You smile so wide it hurts and wrap your arms around Javi, pulling him to you for another long, deep kiss. “Javi, baby, I was in love with you before you ever even got with Lorraine. And I never stopped loving you. Jack was just a stand-in, until he wasn’t.” You look over at Jack with a wince. “Sorry, Jack. No offense?” 
“None taken, sugar.” Jack smiles good-naturedly and kisses you on the forehead. “Could we do this again sometime? Or are y’all cuttin’ me out of the deal now?” 
“You’re not going anywhere, cowboy. Javi likes you too.” 
“Wait really?” Jack seems genuinely surprised. 
Javi drops his head into his hands and groans. “I need a fucking cigarette.”
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Oh and here's a silly little moodboard thing I made
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goldribboncottage · 4 months
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Hazel Callahan Fanfiction
I haven’t posted on tumblr dot com in probably three years. I don’t know how it works.
This is my untitled fanfiction about being Hazel’s sisters’ nanny and falling in love. I haven’t written a fanfiction since I was in middle school. Enjoy.
Untitled Pookie Story 
It wasn’t supposed to end up this way. You weren’t supposed to fall for the bosses daughter. You barely knew the boss had a daughter. Mrs. Webster mentioned in passing that her oldest was off at college, and didn’t tend to come home on breaks. 
“I have another child at Amherst, but that won’t be relevant to this position. It’s strictly caring for the twins! She never comes home anyway. A lot of people ask, what was I thinking having kids 20 years apart, but it’s truly a blessing to start over. No need to relive mistakes as a first time mom! I’m so excited to have someone so kind caring for my babies.” Mrs. Webster almost hired you on the spot. 
You wondered about the elder Webster. She probably wasn’t called that, being from her first marriage. Whatever, it’s not like you would be seeing her at the new job. There were no pictures of her in the house, but you knew her old bedroom was across from yours, and you took over her old bathroom. Being a live in nanny, your priorities were the 4 month old fraternal twins, Isla and Sage. 
Two months in and you had the twins on a great schedule, and hit your stride. Making friends wasn’t always easy for you growing up but you fell into an easy friendship with a group a little younger than you. PJ and Brittany were nice people and you had a lot in common. Brittany was a cosmetologist and cheered for a local sports team, and PJ had her own podcast. They had known each other since high school but quickly accepted you as one of them. You had hung out with them a lot since moving, and gotten to know their wider group of friends. 
The best part about being an infant nanny was the nap times. Mrs. W didn’t expect you to do any chores or extra work, so you’d usually hang out in your room or the common areas. Today being the first warm day in a while, you took the baby monitor outside and read on the back porch. 
Nearly falling asleep, the porch swing was your favorite part of the house. Sure, Mrs. Webster had a huge house from her first divorce settlement, and plenty of money of her own, but this little corner felt like your place. Big and comfy, naps outside always came unexpectedly. 
*Movement at Front Door*
Waking you, the Ring notification flashed on your screen, and you figured it was Mrs. W coming home early. She usually texted, but maybe she forgot. Typical for a woman in her 50s who married a 28 year old surfer and divorced him before their children were born.
Re-entering the house to greet Mrs. Webster, you were met with a surprise. A very short, shaggy haired, blue eyed surprise. 
Hazel POV
I’m not sure why I decided today was the day to come home for the first time in five months. After helping my mom with her two little mistakes for three weeks I decided it hurt too much to be around them. Just more reminders my mom chose a new start over me. 
I didn’t bother telling my mom I’d be coming home, she’d prefer I stay in Massachusetts. But it was spring break, and I missed my friends. PJ mentioned my mom hiring help, but I didn’t care about what she did. She was always looking for ways out of being a parent. 
There was a foreign car in the driveway, with a Callahan Motors license plate cover. Must be a guilt present from my dad. Another SUV for my mom to drive around the little brats in. 
I had planned on running home for a quick shower and change of clothes before meeting up with PJ, Josie, Isabel, and Brittany. 
I hadn’t planned on entering my home and finding it filled with stuff I didn’t recognize. Shoes that were way too young for my mom filled the rack in the closet, another with jackets I didn’t recognize. Huh. Must be another crisis, this time in fashion. I made my way to the kitchen at the back of the house when something stops me. Or rather, someone. 
Reader POV
“Who the fuck are you?” The tiny masculine girl scoffs, rounding the kitchen island. 
“Who am I? WHO ARE YOU? Why are you here? Get out! If you don’t leave I’m calling the cops!” unfazed, she grabs a drink out of the fridge. “I’m serious. I am responsible for this house and all of the people in it right now and I am not afraid of you. Get out before I make you get out”
Sensing your change in tone, she puts her hands up in defense “Hey, I live here, I could say the same thing to you.” She sips her drink and doesn’t break eye contact. 
“You don’t live here! I’ve NEVER seen you before! I live her with Mrs. Webster and her daughters. I’m calling the cops. You can get out now or wait until they-“
“Whoawhoawhoa, pleasedontdothat. I’m Hazel. Callahan. My mom didn’t tell you about me? Are you like the maid or something? I’m just visiting for spring break. I live here. Seriously.” You stared at her, as if telling her to go on. “If I didn’t live here I wouldn’t know there’s a chip in the upstairs bath tile I never told my mom about, or that the fourth step squeaks on the stairs, and I have two baby sisters! I know their names! Isla and Sage! They’re like, little! I don’t know how old they are! But they’re still, like, babies, I think!” 
You put down your phone. So this is Mrs. Websters oldest daughter. Hazel Callahan. You wondered why you had never heard her name until now. 
“They’re 6 months old. Next week will be 7.” You explain. “And I’m not the maid, I’m the nanny. I live in the room across from yours. I told your mom about the chip in the tile. I thought I did it when I slipped coming out of the shower.” She laughs. You can see it now. Sage has the same deep blue eyes, and Isla’s hair is just a shorter, thinner version of Hazel’s. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.” 
“It’s nice to meet you too. Sorry about the mix up. Where are those little rugrats? I haven’t seen them since they came out of the womb.” She puts back her drink and starts to make her way to the nursery. 
“Wait! Just look at the monitor. They aren’t supposed to wake up until 3.” You hand her the monitor, and she grabs it slowly. Your hands brush, and you explain to her the differences in the girls. 
“Isla has the dark hair, like you and your mom. Sage has lighter hair but darker eyes. Blue. Like yours. Dark blue. And big.” Hazel glances at you with her big blue eyes and meets your e/c ones. “They’re so adorable. When she stares at me I swear my heart melts. I’m such a sucker.” You shake your head and giggle, thinking of the tender moments you’ve shared with the babies. Hazel looks up at you from under her eyelashes. 
“Adorable?”
“I mean the babies.” You step away slightly. “Speaking of, I have to get their food ready. Today they’re trying peas for the first time. We are all very excited.” 
“Thrilling. Well, I’m going to go upstairs. I have to be somewhere. It was nice meeting you.” She tips her head in salute and walks off. 
“You too, Hazel.” You whisper. 
She comes down as you are wiping mushy peas off the girls and their high chairs. 
Wow. You’d never had a certain type, but Hazel was definitely it. She looked good in an oversized t shirt, vest, and nike sneakers. “Hey.” She rocks on her heels, almost looking scared to approach you.
“Oh! H-Hi. We just finished. This is about as clean as they will get if you want to come say hi. They don’t bite! They really can’t, yet, they’ve only got two teeth each. Isla did bite me once but that was only because she thought I was food!” Sensing you were over talking you pick up Sage and offer her the Hazel. The younger girl backs away, a concerned look on her face. “Oh, sorry! I forget not everyone is a baby person. You don’t have to hold her. She’s really good at sitting now! You can play in the living room while I get Isla cleaned up.”
“I’m good, but thank you. I have to meet my friends. I haven’t been back in a while. I don’t know when I’ll be home tonight but I told my mom I’m in town. See ya” She exits quickly. 
Hazel POV
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I don’t know why I can’t handle being around my sisters. I mean, I haven’t met a lot of babies, but I’ve never been scared of them. Maybe it isn’t them I’m scared of. I’ve stayed away from Rockbridge for a reason. Let my mom have her perfect little life without me in it. I don’t need her anyway. But that nanny is something. Hiring someone to live at your house? At MY house? God. Who knows what’s next on the divorcee-crisis list. 
I pulled into the parking lot of Bottoms, the greatest and only queer bar in town. I could see my friends at their usual table inside. At least one thing was good about coming home. 
“Hazel!” Isabel rushes to hug me, and I can tell a line is forming behind her. She kisses my cheek and tells me how much I’ve been missed. “You need to come back more often!” 
“Yeah, it’s not like Amherst has anything to offer but snotty WASPS and fake deep classes.” PJ chimes in. 
“Hey, Hazel’s doing great there! And don’t hate on Massachusetts, Emerson was your top choice.” Josie adds, defending me and our college towns. 
I’m glad to see nothings changed. 
After a couple of drinks, I decide to bring up the incident earlier today with my mom’s new nanny. 
“Oh my god! Y/N? We love her! Why didn’t you invite her out? I can’t believe she thought you were an intruder. That’s so funny. I’m texting her right now.” Brittany whips out her phone and clicks away. 
“Wait you guys know her? Like have her number and text her know her? How come no one’s told me about this!” 
Josie answers first “Well to be fair when we met her we didn’t know she was their nanny, and you don’t really like to talk about your family so we didn’t bring it up.”
“Yeah Hazel we always want to respect you, especially since everything happened with your dad and then Jeff. Your mom has put you through a lot in the past” Isabel takes my hand and comforts me. 
“Yeah that AND the fact that Y/N and I are totally gonna bone. She’s a lesbian, as we all are-“
“I’m still not gay, PJ.” Brittany interrupts. “And Isabel is Bi.”
“Anyway, AS I was saying, there’s totally tension there. It’s only a matter of time before we’re scissoring and run away together.” 
“PJ, you barely talk to her, and she’s the only one who is as much of a bitch as you.” Brittany quips. “You get humbled every time Y/N opens her mouth.”
“I like a challenge, baby.” PJ blows Brittany a kiss and swigs her drink. 
“Anyway it’s not like we only like Y/N because she works for your mom. She’s super nice. She’s 26 and has more life experience than all of us combined. It’s like she’s lived 30 lives. She’s so cool.” Josie says, changing the direction of conversation. 
“Yeah, okay” I say “I’ll try to get to know her better while I’m here.” I think back to earlier in the day. Y/N looked so happy talking about Isla and Sage. I can’t be second place in another person’s life. 
Y/N POV
Brittany has been texting you about Hazel since yesterday, trying to get you to come out with them tonight. So when she calls you on Saturday morning you immediately pick up. 
“PLEASE babe it’ll be so much fun. You literally live in the same house as her, you can carpool! And Hazel doesn’t drink she can be your DD. I know you want to come out, just do it! You deserve a night out, pleeaaase” 
“Okay okay fine. But I’m coming for you. It’s been like a week since we saw each other and I’m literally dying because of it.” 
“YES oh my god - PJ SHES COMING!” You hear her yell off into their shared apartment. 
“Tell her to wear something tight and short!” PJs voice is distant but clear.
“PJ says-“
“Yeah I heard. God she’s ridiculous. I’ll see you tonight. I don’t know if Hazel’s up yet but I’ll ask her to drive me”
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r0yalgrimm-artz · 9 days
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So...future GX look?? Around in their 40's where they've both finally settled and feel much better with where they are in their lives.
More so domestic life style look. I was so torn back and forth between giving Chazz some stubble or not. He only has a lil stubble since I imagine his stubble doesn't grow much. Also not much chest hair it's like a little bit. However when he's dueling in front of an audience or for the cameras, he tends to shave ofc to give a clean look (also so the makeup applies better when he dresses up). Forgot to give him a bit of eye bags but he sleeps a bit better when he's home. Also forgot his GREY HAIRS FFS.
Kore is more relaxed and finally at a healthy mental state in her life. Goes by she/they, embraces it and is comfortable with it. Not on the verge of death or having near death experiences compared to her 20's. Does Duel still, loves dueling with all her heart. Gets spammed phone calls and messages by Chazz when they're away, after some instances in their 20's where Kore nearly fucking died so now Chazz messages her and calls her a lot when either he or she is away.
Also some notes but not really relevant I just like these soft old cougars:
⚡️ Both got married at 34, mainly cause Kore kept side lining the idea of marriage.
⭐️ Chazz is more affectionate in his 30's-40's, always will give Kore small palm kisses when she's holding his cheek. Takes advantage of this a lot.
⚡️ Kore & Chazz both gotten therapy, granted Kore is somewhat still iffy with her mental state at times.
⭐️ Have better relationships with their kids, while Kore sometimes struggles Chazz is surprisingly the one that helps Kore out and helps build better relationships with their kids.
⚡️ Kore did suffer postpartum depression when she had their first kid (Kenji). There was days where Kore felt nothing for him as ashamed as she is to admit it. Chazz managed to step in and help, giving Kenji unconditional love and being supportive and caring for Kore. Eventually Kore got better but Chazz kept a much closer eye on Kore.
⭐️ They did separate at one point in their late 20's or early 30's for like two years after some touchy subjects in an argument occurred and left them both separating for two whole years. Chazz still made effort to see his kids cause he loves them obviously. Do eventually rekindle and discuss their problems and issues after two years and get back together (before Chazz asked Kore to marry him).
⚡️ Both had gone out nightclubbing for once after not going out clubbing much since their youth. Was for Chazz's 40th. Both had a massive culture shock when they saw the state of nightclubs nowadays. Literally, both felt out of place. A time when they both used to dress up nicely and go out to nightclubs with lively bouncy music, now it more casual with pop music. They both decided to get wasted and got kicked out by the bouncer. Ended the night with Kore's face buried in a kebab on the floor that she tripped over into and Chazz spewing in the drains. No, they will never repeat what happened to anyone.
⭐️ Chazz has massive beef with his eldest kid Kenji. Kenji acting like a little shit. Mainly because when Kore and Chazz separated, Kenji made assumptions and blamed Chazz even though it was both Kore and Chazz at fault in their own way. Kenji has since behaved better. He just acts like a little shit because he likes to.
⚡️ All three of their kids are close in age...Massively regret having kids that are closer in age range. Both Kore and Chazz were hanging on by a thread trying to juggle them three at once. Literally both laughed like maniacs when their friends decided if they wanted kids close in age range but Kore and Chazz just laughed then were like, "Don't. You'll regret it". They love their kids though. Just Kenji being the first kid and actually being a little angel at first fooled them in.
⭐️ Chazz would fight with other parents if they dared accuse his daughter Himari for shit. Absolutely defends his little girl. Yet Himari is built like a fucking tank and easily can hold up Chazz no problem. Works great if he's having an argument with Aster and Chazz wanted to get physical. Himari casually just straight up picks up her dad as if he ain't weighing shit. Kore and Himari have mommy and daughter dates, and both can just act as feral in stores when it comes to impulsive buying. Do they need it? No. But do they really want it? Yes.
⚡️ Ekou has...gained Jaden's curse in attracting all the bad shit his way. Literally Ekou probably one point dueld to near death against someone. Chazz totally didn't call Jaden up 3AM like "YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU PASSED IT ONTO HIM". Jaden was just confused.
⭐️ Also, Ekou is feral like Kore. Also hung around Jaden too much and gained habits from him. Chazz is disappointed slightly. Loves his kid still. Just...Regrets leaving Ekou around Jaden a lot.
That's all I have now I'm gonna lay down and cry cause stomach pains.
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dairy-farmer · 1 year
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Long ago I read an analysis abt women in comics and how they're relegated to be the gf of, the wife of and everything, even wonder woman or black canary. And for example they use various heros like superman or nightwing and says something like "I they were girs, they won't have so interesting arcs or historys". And they use timy for example saying that if he were a girl he would end up being Jason's or Kon's love interest. And I think that's beautiful. i can't thinking abt a plot:(
that sounds like an incredible analysis!!! and it would definitely make sense given how comics themselves were very much created with only male protagonists in mind. women, as is what often happens in media, are afterthoughts, and therefore given more support roles.
i remember seeing one those 'top ten worst things this hero has done' and it was between superman and lois lane and the worst things she's done. today lois has a much better reputation, she's been "modernized". but when the audience was meant more for boys, she was treated very poorly and it was framed as being justified because she was a woman behaving "above her station", by being incredibly nosy, getting herself into trouble and having to be saved. honestly you could make the original lois into a 10-year-old and nothing notable about her personality would've changed because she was written to be this bratty woman who greatly overestimated her place in the world and desperately wanted to 'chain' superman to her by making him marry her.
and characters like catwoman!! she was originally a villain, like just a straight-up villain! until they wrote her to become bruce's love interest. it'd be like if in fifty years they wrote poison ivy to be what catwoman is today. catwoman couldn't exist as just a 'villain'. just like how lois will never really shed the 'i need superman to save me' she is the OG "damsal in distress". she is the butt of the joke when people call someone a damsal in distress. and that will never really go away from her portrayal (even if it becomes a throw away or a punchline).
i fully agree with what you say about superman or nightwing not getting nearly as interesting arcs if they were women. sure women in comics, even old comics have gotten very interesting characterizations but nothing like what superman and nightwing have gotten.
and tim!!!! he'd absolutely be in a position where he'd be someone's girlfriend if he were a girl and that would become his entire identity in comics. you can see it becayse barbara has some impressive accomplishments in comics but yet a lot of people aside from some bat and barbara stans regale her as just nightwing's 'on again off again' girlfriend who loses relevance without nightwing or she's simply there to be eye-candy for the audience (much like catwoman).
the same thing would happen to tim.
for example if he was, say, hit by some beam or magic that permanently changed his sex. he was now physically female and there was no way to alter it. dc writing would jump on that immediatly and change so many of his established relationships in a second.
like if there's one genre of fic that i'd say i really dislike it's the genderbend/transformation ones.
maybe it's because i saw than in like the 2010s and they were all 'character A has become a girl now through some quirky hijinks!!! he is now a SHE and everyone changes the use of pronouns instantly with absolutely no one apologizing for it aside from some 'oops! i guess i just forgot! it's just...you look like a girl now! :) so that is what i will call you :) ya know? even though you were raised a boy :) socialized as a boy :) very much have a boy brain :) and were a boy 20 minutes ago and still consider yourself one '.
every single time without fail that's how the fic would pan out and at 10 years old it pissed me off to no end and i had no idea why until a few years later.
within those fics there's this common thing that happens, i guess you could call it a 'trope'. and it's where every single female character will band together and steal character A's clothes and replace it with dresses and ribbons and even lingerie. maybe they'll even kidnap character A for a 'makeover' and all the male characters they were either friends with or who hated them as a boy are now *blushing* and embarressed like they've never seen a girl before. or worse, they'll undress in front of character A because he's 'one of the girls now!' much to his GREAT discomfort because even if they call him a girl...he's not. he's still a boy. and he's getting essentially hazed and humiliated by women that he was previously friends with, respected, and treated very well.
now don't get me wrong dysphoria can very easily be written as something erotic and maybe sex/gender transformation fics have changed from...THIS.
one scenario i CAN imagine is tim being permanently turned into a girl (he can't reverse it) and now has to struggle with all his sudden gender and sexuality issues. (is he still a cis boy? is he trans now? is he still straight? gay?) but what's worse than the identity issues he's now facing is the shift in treatment from his friends, family, and acquaintances. he thought they'd be mostly normal about this change because their lives are weird and they've learned to roll with the punches but he learns that's not true when he goes to hang out with kon for the first time since the transformation.
they've always been close friends. they'd have frequent sleepovers and mess around with each other but now people treated their dynamic...differently. ma didn't let him and kon share a room anymore when he'd stay the night. bruce made him keep his door open when kon came over. even though nothing had ever even happened between them before!!!! but now he had a pussy and what? HE can't be trusted? KON can't be trusted?
if he and kon were going to fuck they would've done it ages ago and not now that tim had a pussy!!!!
the frustration tim would feel is unimaginable.
then changes occur with jason too!!! before the change, he'd smack tim around just for the sake of it. he'd show up during tim's patrol schedule and beat the shit out of him just cuz he was having a bad week. or just because he felt like it.
now???
jason won't lay a finger on him. even when tim mouthes off to him and says something that would normally earn him a punch.
stephanie 'jokingly' (but not really) takes tim out underwear shopping much to his discomfort (tim is still using his 'old' clothes) and tries to get him into girl clothes. and tim knows she doesn't have a lot of friends who are girls, HE KNOWS THAT. stephanie was always too brutish and loud, and 'insufferable' for most girls and he knew that hurt her because her only friend was cass. but that doesn't stop him from snapping at her and leaving her in the middle of a busy mall because he got irritated for the fifth time in an hour with her trying to get him to buy a dress so they could go clubbing together.
he feels for her not having any friends who are girls, he does. but it's not his job to fill that hole.
damian's insults are less about his skills and more about him being a 'woman' now even though tim's never claimed to be one and doesn't plan on ever being one.
even dick is weird about it. and that hurts more than anything because he wasn't. at first.
but then they were wrestling on the couch one day like they sometimes do and his hand coasted over tim's abs and squeezed tim's tit.
tim hadn't even noticed.
he was too focused on trying to get dick into a headlock but dick had frozen and leapt away from him like his skin was made of acid.
tim didn't use bras. why would he?
tits have been free since the dawn of time. so it's not like it was vital to his health or anything.
but...after that slip up on the couch dick stopped doing anything that required too much...hands on interaction between the two of them. hugs were now squeezes on his shoulders because if dick tugged him close he'd be able to feel tim's tits squish between them and that....made him uncomfortable now.
just tim being forcibly transitioned and now having to navigate the change in dynamic and power in all his relationships!! i think it'd be an absolutely fascinating character study and analysis on gender, sexuality, and society!!!!
(sorry im in the middle of an essay for class so i've got a more academic brain on tonight)
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savrenim · 1 year
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I’ve been thinking about a line I read in fanfic line recently : "you're not supposed to meet the love of your life when you're sixteen"
(about someone who met the love of their life when they were sixteen, about what do you do with that a decade later)
thinking about the fact that Lizzy and I started dating right after I turned twenty. we met when I was 15-nearly-16, in the winter. apparently she hated me and had a full enemies-to-lovers arc that I just didn't notice because Lizzy is a Disney princess made of sunshine and rainbows who Does Not Hate People so she decided to Be My Best Friend so that was all that I saw back in those days. we were a coffee shop AU. and a fake dating AU. "you know, if I weren't straight, I would just date you" she told me when I was 19-nearly-20, in the winter. I wasn't looking at her because I was driving and our lives weren't a movie, I looked at the road.
three months later she was not straight. four months later we were dating.
I've been with her for the entirety of my adult life ; the end of college ; all of grad school. I've been with her a number of years that is better measured "a quarter of my life (already passed) a third of my life (next year) half of my life (barely more than a decade away)" and when I put it in those terms it's terrifying? because (you're not supposed to meet the love of your life when you're sixteen)--
a bunch of second years have moved into my house and I forgot how different being twenty-two, twenty-three was ; didn't consider that..... these are people who in a lot of ways have experiences closer to a college student than to me, and I didn't expect that because I saw ‘graduate student’ as a monolith, because I didn't notice how much I was changing in my early 20s, only how much I have changed. and now I'm..... at the end. Lizzy and I are going to sign a paper, next year most likely, not a question of if just when, that says that we're married ; move in with each other when I have the income and health insurance benefits of no-longer-being-a-broke-graduate-student to support that, and alongside the other love of her life, start a family. I have never dated anyone else for longer than two, three weeks, except maybe the poly squiggle, which in hindsight was definitely just a friend group. she was-- is-- my first and only relationship. I'm almost grateful that I'm not *her* first and only because at least one of us has any experience in this. I'm just bringing me.
which isn't to say I have any hesitation. I like the person I am and the people we are together, and I like the promises that we made. just-- how much of my 20s were different because I had already met the person I knew I was going to marry (you are not supposed to meet the love of your life when you are sixteen) and there was no question of if, only when (when the tax benefits, the health insurance benefits)-- ; how much energy did I not spend not looking to answer a question that I had already answered
how many people have I never tried to meet, dates that I never tried to go on, awkward confessions that I never stumbled over, heartbreak that I have never cried through? I remember crying through heartbreak when I was seventeen. I had a tub of ice cream. it was fun.
(in truth, one. we were in sword class together. we had a brief two week whirlwind romance that we were trying to figure out if it was a romance or just friendship until we awkwardly confessed and I immediately told her I did have a girlfriend, long distance, in an open relationship, that she should know existed before we went any further. she spent the night in my bed, side by side. after all, there was only one bed. she told me she just wanted to be friends the next morning. I didn't cry or eat a tub of ice cream; I shrugged and decided not to do it again, because it was fun, but it had been time-consuming and I'd honestly prefer to focus on math.) (in truth, I met the love of my life when I was four years old and my father taught me algebra and calculus before I even knew how to read, techniques and symbols that I'd forget as he stopped being interested in spending time with his children, but a love that I would not. sometimes I think that that's why Lizzy is the love of my life. because she understands that math will always be the love of my life.) you're not supposed to meet the love of your life when you're sixteen, not unless you're a character in a story that someone else is writing. I met the love of my life when I was fifteen, though, so I think I'll be okay. 
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ngl1221 · 17 days
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EP 1: Is this how life is going to be now?
(friends and social life crisis)
March 11, 2024, 9:45 pm
I always thought of myself as a story-teller. I thought I was this very thoughtful, very depressed old soul, always in my own head. Apparently a lot was wrong with that. My impression of myself is substantially different from how others perceive me.
FIRST LESSON: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE AND YOUR ACTIONS ARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE. BEING CONCIOUS ABOUT BOTH PERSPECTIVES IS THE WAY TO GO.
I am turning 20 this June, I have no skills, barely any friends, no romantic interests or relationships, no life. For me, my day is get up, go to college, return home, eat, sleep and repeat. Can I do more? Of course I can. But somewhere along the line I forgot to talk to socialize. I went into my cubby hole with a blanket and watched life pass by . I saw my friends going to malls, clubs, restaurants, getting into new relationships, breaking up, launching businesses, failing, experiencing life. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about that. You see I am not a very happy, cheerful person. I feel like I have this very dark cruel force within me. Every day I see my friends with their other friends and boyfriends and all I feel is not jealousy, not anger nor hatred, just this emptiness. Will I ever be able to show genuine interest in other? I think this feeling is called disappointment.
I'll tell you the social structure in my college. I am studying computer science engineering at a private college in my city. We are 55 students in one class(a lot more in the entire course), 18 of them are girls, the rest men. We (as in my current friend group and I) tried to be friends with everyone and make a large group of girls but it was nearly impossible because we have pretty different personalities. To make it easier to understand you can divide the girls into 3 main groups-one which is very quiet, plain and studious and make up the majority (approx. 10-12ppl), they are not (seemingly) interested in boys or party or just anything in general. Then the next is the exact opposite the party animals (3 ppl)- they barely attend classes and they barely pass them as well, have flunked a lot of them in the first sem. Then the 3rd one is ours- we are 4 ppl including me and we fall right in the center of the spectrum between these two groups. We study and get above average grades and we are also involved on the social side, Or so I thought...
My 3 friends are really confident in themselves, and why shouldn't they be. They are great individuals. They have worked hard to get where they are. But what I do dislike is the part were they diss other people (girls in general). It's always "How is that they only study and score lesser than us?" or "I feel like we are the only good-looking girls in the class, the type you could date you know?" and "WE ARE THE POPULAR GIRLS OF THIS BATCH". But my question is- ARE WE REALLY ALL WHAT WE SAY?
I mean they could be- one of them (Sash) is the daughter of a famous politician, she has her life all planned out for her -she is going to graduate college and help her dad with his business and political party, get married for power and continue helping her husband with the same. The other one (Ann) is really smart( highest scorer of physics, a very tough subject for us), has good social skills, is the class representative(I stood for it as well but lost, a story for another time), a gym freak (we call her muscle mommy), has guys falling over her left and right, the epitome of model student. The third and last one (Sid), the sweetheart, is a very simple minded girl, she is naive, smart although not exactly intelligent, but is very hard working. Recently she had her first situationship, the guy asked her out and it was her first time getting romantically involved with someone. I was genuinely happy to see her evolve through the stages, although as a late-bloomer.
Then there is plain old me. I had taken an year off to retry for the college entrance tests, I did not get into the college I originally wanted and the guilt weighs on me till this day. I have this complex of being older than everyone in my batch, I feel like I wasted my time. I am also pretty non-approachable in terms of looks. I have a resting bitch face which hides the insecure little shit I am. I like to read and watch content in any and all forms (anime, web series, manga, manhua, no matter what language, French, German, Italian, etc.) but I have never experienced anything romantic nor sexual. When I tell this to people a lot of them are shocked to know this. They are like "But you look experienced". I AM SORRY WHAT DO YOU MEAN I LOOK EXPEREINCED. ARE YOU CALLING ME A WHORE? Just because i have fuck-me eyes doesn't mean I have done certain things. I have also been told I have an intimidating presence. So a lot people don't approach me, which I find hard to digest because babies and animals are quiet friendly with me. Whenever I try to explain this to my friend they are like-"WHY ARE YOU INSECURE YOU ARE LITERALLY SO PRETTY?" or "WHAT PROBLEM WOULD YOU HAVE, YOU ARE REALLY SMART?" and most of all "ANYONE WOULD DATE YOU?". Now I don't exactly know if this is true or they telling me this to console me.
LESSON 2: WORDS DO NOT MEAN ANYTHING. ACTION IS ALL THAT MATTERS. YOU CAN ALWAYS CONSOLE A JOKER BY TELLING THEM THEY ARE FUNNY BUT IF THE CROWD DOESN'T LAUGH AT THEIR WORK THEN THEY ARE NOT, HOWEVER BADLY YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO BE.
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I feel like I cannot talk about certain things with them. I have lost contact with a few friends I was close to, they are either busy or I don't want to disturb them with something this menial. Which is why I am writing about it here. When i was a child my mom read my diary and I have always had this trauma of opening up. But then again I used to feel so much better with writing stuff down, which made me think of giving it a go. This would also let me think about what i want to do with my hobby as a writer.
Next ep-my sexuality, love life, whatever minute up until now and sexual adventures and escapades I have had that I am sort-of embarrassed about but nevertheless helped me grow. I hope you learn something from my mistakes and your feedback would actually help me improve my life. So please don't hold back, both constructive and bad criticism can be given.
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bramrulian · 8 months
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Actually since I'm apparently talking about Bram's wild side today let's talk about Rulian/Bram and Aymeric/Bram, how that happened, and why...because I've had some people confused by it or think it's too forced how they got together. Adult topics below. Very long ramble about Aymeric headcannons and how I made this insanity work from a writer's perspective.
Disclaimer: While Rulian is NOT Aymeric in public anymore, he has diverged into an Aymeric-like OC/friend to Aymeric, he did START as Aymeric in this ship and I changed him later when Aymeric shippers couldn't be normal about him. So while I talk about that a little bit Rulian is NOT Aymeric in public/to anyone but my private story line just to be completely clear again. Also, hiding this on the tiny blog cause I'm going to mention him in this context and I don't want people arguing with me again. *eyeroll*
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Here have a very suggestive kissy photo.
See it's much easier to write Rulian as just Rulian in this topic because I can say yeah, Rulian's a good clergy boy and takes his morals seriously but also was lonely and craved touch, so sometimes he slipped. And people are okay with that.
The minute Rulian is not my OC and he's really Aymeric....then it gets huffity toward me.
I've had some people snark at me when they find out Rulian was originally Aymeric when I started this ship (and still is in private). The thought that Aymeric of all people would have some wild fling in an outpost with a wild Miqo'te ex-prostitute that wandered up to him and offered is a lot for most people to handle. Too contrived, never happen.
Look, it's clear by the MSQ that Aymeric is interested, even excited, by new things, learning, exploring. Look at how he reacts to the Warrior of Light. His best friend/closest companion is Lucia who was a Garlean spy. He's friends with Estinien. If he had been the good boy/perfect everyone thinks he is he would've been way closer to Artoirel and those who could advance him instead of liking the unpopular ones.
Do I think Aymeric was morally loose? Of course not. He's clearly not, especially since he's a Temple Knight that was being groomed to be the Archbishop (which we all know aren't supposed to be doing that, that's why Aymeric was adopted away/hidden). And I do agree with the more common headcannon he most adamantly would not want to sire a bastard child.
Do I think he's a virgin? Knowing how the knights/clergy of Ishgard (even his father and members of the Heaven's Ward) are? I find it highly improbable. I mean I don't mind people headcannoning that and wanting him to be, just cynical adult me finds it hard to believe he was a nearly 40 year old virgin in Ishgard where the prime age for marriage is probably in your 20s. They don't tell us if he had relationships before. Guessing by how awkward he is when he asks the WoL to join him for a date I'm guessing he didn't -date/court- even if he was trained how as a noble. And I can see that, because courting would have a very obvious consequence of people wanting him to marry then.
Personally, and this is just me, I don't see Aymeric being all that much in a hurry to pass on his genetics. Not only did he learn that the stolen power of dragons runs through his veins and he doesn't like that, he's also confirmed as the bastard son of the Archbishop who went crazy and turned into a primal. I don't personally see Aymeric thinking he's material for dad #1 in Ishgard. (Again if people want him to make cute babies with their ship that's totally valid too, just for me it doesn't work in my personal interpretation of his situation.)
I would guess that like most young men Aymeric at the VERY least experimented a little when he was young. Well he's religious and part of the clergy! He wouldn't do that! Look, I've known too many 'good' church boys who forgot all about that when the situation presented itself, personally. Your take may vary and that's fine.
BUT...and here's the but I ran into when I wanted to ship with him. I do think he is so controlled and reserved that getting anywhere near him that way is almost impossible. I think the WoL had a chance. (Personally I don't Estimeric but maybe something there, I'll keep my very unpopular opinion about Estinien's sexuality/romance options to myself but I don't think it happened there personally, I don't see the chemistry, but I do enjoy that ship so more power to other people.)
So as I puzzled over the thousand characters or so I could've thrown at him I couldn't get any of them to stick. He wouldn't let any of them close. I had THOUGHT about throwing Bram at him as a joke for years but it wasn't until I rambled to friends about it and they were like omg do it, that I actually did it.
Look, here's the thing about Bram. He's sweet, he's nice, he's brilliant, he's hard to ignore, and if you ignore him he will pursue you. He likes the chase, he likes the challenge. He's used to people telling him yes immediately. Put him against someone stubborn who politely says no but he can tell with their body language they're interested/wanting it and just denying themselves for whatever reason? He'll try to figure out why. No does mean no, of course. "I really shouldn't it's not proper," said half-heartedly is a maybe.
Bram meets Aymeric a few if not several years after the Dragonsong War ended, out in an outpost while he was there checking on the supply chains for Ala Mhigo. Aymeric, at that point, is in his mid-thirties/late thirties. He's been doing a job they coerced him into that's rewarding to him but also rather thankless. I can't imagine the trip to the Lochs was thrilling but it was in a way that he got out of Ishgard and away from paperwork and griping nobility for a day. He tried to romance the Warrior of Light, it didn't work out, and as far as Aymeric's concerned the WoL wanders back through here and there but not often. He has to be VERY lonely. And like most people I do agree he's probably very sweet/touchy/huggy/cuddly once you get past his walls (probably why his walls are so high and hard to get through because he just can't help it once you're past them).
I can concede that Aymeric probably hadn't had physical contact of a soft/romantic or even sexual nature after his attempt with the WoL failed, he probably took that rather hard I should think and dove back into work (that's my personal headcannon, if yours varies that's great!) I don't think it's because he doesn't WANT it though. I think it's because it's not proper, he's afraid of getting that close, he's afraid of scandal if he's found out, he doesn't want to be forced to marry, he doesn't want a bastard child, he's not -supposed- to...lots of different reasons but not because he is touch averse. I think he's more likely touch-starved.
Okay so that's where I'm coming from when I set up Bram seducing him, if you're following so far.
Let's talk about Bram. Bram is a very skilled courtesan/pillow slave that is extremely good at convincing people they want him without even DOING anything to them. Just in the way he walks, the looks he gives them, the come hither body language. If someone is remotely interested in glittery pretty men/Miqo'te they're going to give him at least a long look. It was his entire JOB to seduce people who were iffy about wanting to do that.
Bram, as I said, likes challenges. Several people had joked he couldn't get the Lord Speaker if he tried and Bram had never tried because he never had opportunity. Then Bram shipped with Xynal who knew Aymeric and was in love with him and it was such a beautiful tragic love story of silly Elezens denying their own happiness that Bram wanted to fix it. Put a bored Bram in a remote outpost with nothing better to do with his time with the man posed as one of the ultimate challenges for his seduction skill?
Oh, but Aymeric wouldn't let an obvious man of the night near him! Wouldn't he? Aymeric doesn't come across to me as classist, racist, or any kind of judgmental bigot. If anything he's written to be the opposite he tries very hard to make alliances with everyone (like the Vanu Vanu who he was clearly treating as people and not as beasts). I can guarantee you that Aymeric NEVER saw anything like Bram in Ishgard. That alone would've made him curious if the reaction to the WoL is any indication. Aymeric is not a shy cookie that would run away from a sexy person, he wouldn't be able to do his job then. Do I think he saw Bram and instantly wanted to have him over a table? No, it wasn't written that way. He was curious about Bram and wanted to know about him because he'd never seen anyone like that before.
They had a conversation. Bram is adorable, he's free, he's confident in who he is, he's strong...and he would've been laying it on thick but not obvious throughout their whole conversation. Bram KNOWS how to arouse people without coming on strong and scaring them off. They'll realize halfway through the conversation their thoughts have turned there and not even realize why half the time. Aymeric being from Ishgard? I don't think he was sneaking off to Ishgard's brothels in his spare time. I would guess he had very little if any contact with prostitutes trying their best to convince him.
I think, deep down, Aymeric longs to be seen as a person. He's so often not. That's why he likes Lucia and Estinien, they see HIM not his persona, they care about HIM the person not what he can do for them.
Do I think Bram completely steam-rolled him into making a rash decision in the heat of the moment. Absolutely. Bram was there to GET HIS ATTENTION and make him interested. That was the entire point. But I think that was one of the few ways you can GET to Aymeric personally. You either have to do the long court/sweet romance version or you have to shock him into forgetting he's a Temple Knight and remembering he's a man with needs, in my opinion. ;) Which was the path I decided would be fun to write.
And that's ultimately why I wrote it. Because it was fun and I wanted the challenge of making it work with Bram because Bram doesn't fit into Ishgard at ALL and would be the last person most people would ship Aymeric with, but that's why it was fun.
So, as you can see I gave this quite a lot of thought about whether it would work or I could logically pull it off with the loopholes I saw in Aymeric. Most people don't like it. That's fine, I didn't write it for anyone but myself (and the few friends who liked it). And I've since moved far away from Rulian actually being Aymeric because as I said, the Aymeric shippers ignore me if Rulian is just an OC but they can get offensive or demanding if they have any hint he's Aymeric even in private.
What about the club though??! Isn't that a stretch?
I don't think it's as big of a stretch as people think it is. It's cannon that Aymeric is a good dancer and we assume he enjoys music/going to balls. Why would he be picky about the type of dancing/music he liked? I think his personality lends itself more to curiosity and exploration so, no, I don't think him wandering into a night club to see what it was about was a stretch, especially if he was looking for the owner. Obviously with Rulian it's so much easier to just say that was how it was and people just accept that.
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As for Rulian as the OC? Same setup, same thing happened, just less complicated because Rulian is lower ranked and obviously I didn't have to stick to the character as strictly as I did when he was an NPC. I had originally written it so that it could be either OC Rulian or Aymeric because I kind of knew this would happen and the fandom at large wouldn't like this particular ship/situation for Aymeric so I wrote it so I could easily make Rulian a similar OC instead later on.
Anyway that was a long ramble that probably no one cared about. But, sometimes Bram doesn't get enough credit. Bram absolutely could steamroll most people if they were even remotely interested in the kind of person he is, and he has before many times.
Did I expect this ship to turn into something I like so much and works so well? No. And part of that has to be credited to my RP partner who encouraged me to try and enjoys my headcannons about Aymeric but also loves Rulian as an OC. This is very much a case of finding the people who enjoy the same things as you do and encourage you vs. if I had tried to keep him Aymeric and please the fandom as a whole when Aymeric shippers started coming at me with hate or demanding I play him with them.
Please for the love of all that's good I beg you not to roll up in my club as an Aymeric shipper these days and act like he's not only Aymeric and you know it but he's YOUR Aymeric from your ship. (Yes, that's happened a few times, no it's never okay.) Rulian is JUST Rulian now, no matter how much someone might like that I played Aymeric that way in a grittier/more adult/sexier version.
Edited to add: as a grey-ACE and touch averse myself in rl I also completely support anyone writing Aymeric as ACE, ARO, ARO/ACE, or just not that interested in sexual things that often, after all his work is exhausting and sometimes you're just tired too. I just didn't personally see that in him (which is awkward because I saw it in someone else that no one else does...oof).
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patrickztump · 1 year
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How about 14, 17, and the car commercial one (forgot the number already lol)?
sorry this took so long! i was working to make sure my dates were halfway right for the short story lmao
14. 3 songs you have with cities in the name. save me, san francisco – train amsterdam – imagine dragons la devotee – panic! at the disco
17. Make a story with 6 song titles. okay i was prepping for the odds of this one happening, so please do not judge the quality of my short story lol
“dad, where is heaven, iowa?” she asked, flipping pages in the photo album from summer of ‘95. it had been years since i last heard those words uttered aloud, and over a decade since those photos saw the light of day. with the move, packing had stirred up old memories with treasures of the past being pulled from the dark corners of the attic.
“it’s where i fell in love with your mother,” i replied, looking over her shoulder, “that photo was taken the night we met.” abby is almost 20, her mother has been gone for nearly 15 of those years, she’s just a memory of long ago to her. “i was traveling for work in the mid ‘90s, and would always stop at this greasy spoon outside haven, but it was more like heaven every time i dropped in and saw your mother working the tables.”
i saw chelsea every third wednesday for two years, we bonded over our loves for adventure and photography, and passion for animals. work moved me closer to haven, next thing i known i’m eating baskets of greasy fries with chocolate shakes several times a week, just to see her.
we began dating in ‘98, engaged by ‘99, married in june of 2000. we traveled the country for two years, photographing the journey along the way, before settling down on the outskirts of richmond, virginia. summer of 2003 our family expanded to more than just us, abigail became the center of our world that warm july afternoon.
that winter, chelsea received news that one of her childhood best friends had suddenly passed away, only 33 years old and left a son and daughter behind. deeply affected, she looked me in the eyes and said, “james, promise me, that if i die young, you will show abby the world. teach her about love, get her a dog, paint with her, and tell her about me.” i promised, but made her promise the same thing right back.
like everyone, i thought, “that will never be us,” and for five years it wasn’t – until it was. november 9th, 2008 chelsea was the victim of a hit and run. our world crumbled around us as we were left to find our way through the dark, as the light of our lives had been extinguished far too soon.
through the ups and downs, highs and lows of the last 14 years, abby and i have kept the promise her mother and i made that cold night in 2003. we've traveled to 34 states and three countries, covered the walls of our home in photographs and paintings, and welcomed a scruffy dog – wilson , after chelsea’s maiden name – five years ago.
“hm, heaven, iowa.” she muttered, before passing me the album for packing. closing the book, i was transported back to that greasy spoon in june of 1995, where i first fell in love with a spunky, redheaded waitress, “yeah, heaven…”
i wanted to use "miss you all the time" somewhere in this, but couldn't figure out where to actually place it so just used "wilson" as a quick filler. a similar variation of this story came to mind when i saw an inthetags game a few weeks back, but i couldn't word it correctly then (and barely got through it now lol).
35. A song you have that you have because you heard it on a commercial and liked it. thunderclouds – lsd (though not for a car commercial, but rather an apple commercial i believe)
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novicepen · 1 year
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I guess habits never really end
It’s about time that I admit to myself
The only reason I ever leave him
Always revolves around a lie
17 and 18 years old, he proposed
He forgot the ring in his dorm
I don’t remember who told me this now
Someone told me a lie about the ring
He had given it to somebody else
That was a lie that I nearly forgot
20 and 21, we’re reunited
Valentine’s Day 2018
Love is in the air, magic is in the air
One week later, he proposes again
I say yes and the wedding comes
21 and 22, we’re married.
Day after Christmas 2018.
Things seem okay at first...
Until my Mom weasels her way in.
“Michael’s Mom has been saying...
Horrible things... about you...”
“Why would she do that to me?”
“...Because that’s what Michael is telling her.”
I blindly believed and visited a lawyer. 
The divorce was finalized so quickly
I barely had time for breathing...
Let alone talking about how I’m feeling.
3 years later, I’m married to someone else
With the most adorable toddler.
I think I’m happy... but all I want is the truth.
Lies nag at my soul and push me down
Farther and farther falling into the rabbit hole.
Did he really say those things or....
Is that really just another lie?
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futurebird · 1 year
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Should we have kids?
A. and I have been married for 15 years. 15 years already? How did that happen? I guess this is how you get old. We talked about if we wanted kids before we got married, of course. We agreed that we probably did want them, someday, but not right away. Not just now. We were still both in our 20s and it seemed waaay too soon.
We focused on work, and art, and having adventures together. We learned to operate a small sailboat and went from CT to NYC by the Long Island sound. We traveled and bought an apartment in the Bronx. We found two kitten in the courtyard of that building and kept them too. Now only one of the cats is still alive (but she's still just as lively as ever) both of us have wriggled our way into jobs that we both like AND that pay us decently enough (I used to be an adjunct lecturer at a college, and I loved that job... but the pay was... insulting.) Life is good. About 8 years ago we stopped using birth control. I think both of us thought that having kids would just happen to us naturally... without intention. Four years later we had to admit that it might not be that simple. We enrolled in an IVF program. It was hell. The procedures were painful, I remember coming back from one and spending two day just throwing up.
Then I had other health complications. I broke a bone rather badly and had to spend nearly 8 weeks in bed. I'm just starting to walk normally again now. I've admitted to myself that if we do have kids I won't be the one giving birth to them. And-- that was upsetting, something I've had to grieve over a bit. So, now the question of having kids remains a question. Nature will not step in and say "here you go! do your best!" we will need to do IVF again. Research surrogacy. Get our parents to help with the financial side. Basically move heaven and earth so we have have kids. And that makes saying "yes" much harder.
I can imagine us being happy without kids. I can imagine many times when having kids would be stressful, and exhausting. It's all up to us.
And our families do want to help. A's sibling isn't going to have kids. My brother has one child. We are kind of dying out.
I have no idea how to make this choice. The IVF people recently emailed and asked if we wanted to keep the eggs on ice for another year. This costs $2500, each year. I said no... then forgot to do all of the paper work. So the eggs are still there. Maybe I didn't fully have my mind made up.
I guess I should mention adoption because that's what people tend to bring up when I talk about this. I've done a lot of research on adoption, including reading accounts from those who grew up adopted and it's really not a simple fix for a couple who wants to have kids. Nor are there "so many babies who desperately need parents" --there are babies whose parents can't care for them because they lack resources or because they are sick, or addicted or in jail. Even if parents are dead and gone forever most people have extended family. There are many children and teens in the foster care system, and these are young people who have families and as a culture we aren't doing enough to make it possible for them to be with their family in most cases. I could see being a foster parent to a kid or teen. But that isn't like being their mother or father. It's a pretty deep human impulse to want to take care of your kids. It's horrible when you just can't do that.
I also did a lot of reading about surrogates. At first I was opposed to the entire idea. The current state of affairs is you have a contract and pay someone around 100k to have your kid for you. Often these people have kids of their own and have done surrogacies before. It's dangerous work, but passes the test of "would I do that if I could?" provided the compensation is decent. So, I can almost, sort of talk myself into this whole thing.
At the same time, all of the technology and prices feel contrived. It's so much effort-- but we've go to decide.
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philosophicallava · 2 years
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Vasily Podkolzin scores his first career NHL goal! 
(10/15/2021 VAN @ PHI)
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tossawary · 3 years
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The Liu siblings apparently have a 20-ish year age difference between them, so I was thinking about aging Liu Mingyan up or Liu Qingge down a little for AUs. 
Aging Liu Mingyan up is pretty fun. Maybe in PIDW, she was the last of the Big Three wives to marry Binghe, and one of the few women not to fall at his feet immediately. She���s established as a character early on in the story, she actually has character motivation from her brother’s death, and Binghe has to actually work a little bit to earn her favor over years of knowing her and so there’s more of a genuine relationship there - which is all part of why Liu Mingyan is Shen Yuan’s favorite wife character. 
Aging Liu Qingge down, however, is even funnier. Maybe he’s one of those “ridiculously and unrealistically young” prodigy characters. Maybe Airplane forgot to specify LQG’s age or fucked up some math when LMY was talking about her unfairly murdered brother. What does it matter? The guy’s dead!
17-year-old Shen Jiu gets to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, meets the arrogant and solitary and hot-headed Bai Zhan head disciple famous for beating the shit out of his competition, and nearly throws hands with an 8-year-old. 
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Hi Steph! Would you happen to have any fic recs that involve John meeting the Holmes family? I always think that's such an interesting dynamic to see! Also, I think this goes without saying but I love your blog and appreciate your contributions to the fandom! Thanks!
Hey Nonny!
Ah, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog!
Oooo! Yes, I love that dynamic too!! ANNNNND!!! You’re giving me the chance to make a part 2 for a REALLY OLD LIST!!! So YAY!!! I found a bunch on a text doc I haven’t posted yet, so HERE WE GO! Hope you enjoy, and as always, everyone please add your own!
PARENTS AND FAMILIES Pt. 2
See also: 
Parents & Family
Meeting the Family With a Fake Relationship
Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.
Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock's mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this...
Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.
The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”
On the Steadfast Approach of an Oncoming Darkness by 2bee (T, 7,772 w., 1 Ch. || Apocalypse, Minor Character Death, Sort of Parentlock) – The world is ending. Not fast, but slowly, like falling asleep with a fever.
The Name Game by ItsClydeBitches221B (K, 8,958 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Family, Platonics / Friendship, Sort-of Parentlock, John/Mary, Mary is Nice, Five and Ones, Baby Watson, Mycroft Loves Baby Watson) – The names that baby girl Watson comes up with for her extended family. Or: how everyone—Watsons, Holmes, and others alike— just learned to give up and embrace their weirdness.
The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.
Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.
Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.
An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.
Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."
Where The Ghosts Have Voices by HappyJuicyfruit (M, 37,691 w., 12 Ch. || Supernatural AU || Ghosts, Magical Realism, Light Horror, Fluff and Smut, John Can See Ghosts, John Whump, Emotional Manipulation, Dark Magic, Coma, Injury Recovery, Blow Jobs, Anal, Happy Ending, John’s Past, Mr Holmes, Powerful John, Holmes Brothers, Sherlock’s Past, Past Viclock, Drug Abuse, Hair Pulling) – John has lived his whole life as an outcast. It is only when he meets Sherlock, that be realizes being a freak might not be such a bad thing, and that the curse he has lived with his whole life may be a gift after all. (TO READ)
Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.
The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series
Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."
Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.
The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.
Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  
The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series
The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.
The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball
The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.
Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.
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Soft Eddie thought: the first time he mentions Buck in passing as 'my husband' and then all of a sudden it hits him for the first time that, holy shit, he has a *husband*! And either tears up a little or can't stop smiling.
Hey Nonny, I hope you see this, I know it’s been awhile. 
Subconsciously Drawn Together
911/Buddie
Eddie would never call what he feels a crush – after all, he’s a grown adult who hasn’t had a crush on anyone since Jenny Rodriguez broke his heart in eighth grade by picking Eugene as her lab partner instead of him. (Coincidentally, they are both married to someone named Makayla and neither of them lived outside of Texas for more than a few months).
He always thought that would be him. Not, married to Jenny or Eugene (or either Makayla for that matter), but there was a part of him that knew he was destined to live a quiet life. Marriage, children, maybe a dog and a white picket fence if they wanted to be really cliched. And he was okay with that – he really was. For Eddie, there was no other life than the one laid out for him.
Going to war didn’t change that. A poor country boy joining the military to provide for his pregnant wife back home? Even pulp fiction novelists thought it was too obvious. But, again, he never minded living an uninteresting life. Not everyone was destined for adventure and drama. Most people were made to get through the day.
Even when the nightmares came and he struggled to keep his family together, it just seemed like the next chapter in his boring novelization of a life. Everyone had marital troubles after coming home, everyone had bad dreams and phantom pains. Everyone worried where the money would come from to support their family. Everyone snuck into their son’s room to watch him sleep because they were afraid to admit that they’d forgotten what he looked like while he was away. Everyone felt guilt and shame and fear and regret. It was a part of life.
And then his wife left and his parents offered to take Christopher and for one moment, the thought crossed his mind. Could he let his son go (be with people who could stay at home and give him the care he needed)? Could he forget about Shannon and move somewhere else? Could he start over (relive his 20s in the carefree manner he’d seen others struggling to find)? Could he run away again and make it stick this time?
By the end of the week, he and Christopher were packed into his truck and headed to Los Angeles.
It didn’t feel like running away when he was mumbling his way through the Frozen soundtrack or listening to his son talk about his old school’s pet turtle that he’ll miss (and wonder what kind of pets the kids in Los Angeles got to have). It didn’t feel like running away then. It felt like they were running towards something.
Running towards a new life, of sorts, as it turned out. Sure, he still dealt with his parents’ criticism, and Shannon came back into their lives and for a moment, it felt like she’d never left him. But in LA, he had a purpose, he had freedom. For the first time in a long time, Eddie looked forward to opening his door in the mornings; for the first time in a long time, he never knew exactly what to expect, and LA was full of surprises.
The biggest surprise of all was named Evan Buckley.
Buck was a lot of things: a friend, a skilled firefighter, endearingly enthusiastic, subtle as a brick, and the first person outside of his real family that he called ‘family’ and truly meant it. He loved the men and women he served with in Afghanistan, but the moment they departed at the airport, he lost that connection. Joining the 118 had been a way to get that back and it had worked out fantastically. He had sports fanatics to cheer with, parents of blended families to vent with, people who knew his past and loved him despite it all.
Eddie never told anyone (except his therapist who never commented on it, but made a face that said they’d circle back to it at a later date), but he felt as though he’d known Buck for years. Once the man opened up to him, the trust he felt was strong, and the way he took an instant affection to Christopher made it easy to let this man into his life.
Within less than a year of joining the LA Fire Department however, his world imploded.
Or exploded, actually. First Shannon died, then Buck was injured, then his son was nearly taken by a natural disaster and he didn’t even know it. He spent so much time after that trying to put the pieces back together. For all the things he’d assumed his life would be – a wife and kid and a white picket fence – the only thing he had left was a son now dealing with immense trauma for such a young child to handle. And he had Buck (who was so bright and eager to please that one might describe him as a puppy at times). Nothing of his life had turned out the way it was meant to.
Suddenly, a year had passed since Shannon’s death and his life was still an unrecognizable sort of decagon shape instead of the standard cookie cutter circle. But none of that mattered because he was staring into bright brown eyes and a luminescent smile that was telling him that he was doing a wonderful job of raising Christopher on his own.
Others had been trying to tell him that for years (never the ones whose opinion meant to world to him, but he was learning to let that go) but that beautiful face was so sincere that he forgot himself. He forgot that he was a widow with a grieving son. He forgot the fear and regret that went along with the phantom pains when the weather turned cold. He forgot that he had failed in his ambition to live an entirely ordinary life. For a moment he thought: ‘when she smiles at me, I feel happy’.
He wanted to feel that way again.
There were several reasons that things just wouldn’t work out with Ana. For one: she was Christopher’s teacher, and even if it wasn’t against the rules, it still felt wrong. Two: he’d seen the moment she thought differently about him after he yelled at her at school. She was too professional and kind to say anything but even if it was possible, she was definitely no longer interested. The third reason was that he was a firefighter who worked insane hours and when he wasn’t at work, he was home with his son. There wasn’t exactly a lot of time for dating. Fourth: she wasn’t Buck.
That thought had been the one that kept him up at night. It had come to him while he stood in the shower, recounting his day, wondering how long he had until it would be time to pick up Christopher from school. He wasn’t feeling overly ambitious so he figured spaghetti and meatballs would be perfect for supper. He wondered what it would be like to cook for someone who wasn’t ten years old. Someone he could cook beside without having to keep a constant eye. There were times (in the early days with Shannon) where the two of them would cook together, do laundry, clean, do all the domestic things side by side. She had been insistent that they both learn to care for the house that they shared and he was happy to stand beside her in all things.
Remember to throw Buck’s gym clothes in the laundry next time he comes over. He keeps forgetting to throw them in his basket.
A simple little thought, really. He’d thought it before. His friend would leave his gym bag by the door for work and forget to empty it out when he went to do laundry. It was unlikely that anyone other than Eddie noticed the state of Buck’s clothes, but he’d been paying closer attention to him lately. Like how after the train derailment, his smile seemed easier; his shoulders relaxed more often – especially when he was with the 118 or Christopher. Buck seemed happy now that he’d gotten his closure from Abby.
He deserves to be happy. He makes me feel happy.
Buck did make him feel happy. The way he interacted with Christopher, the way he entrusted his son to this man without a second thought. But even when Christopher wasn’t around, Eddie enjoyed Buck’s company. Going to baseball games (dragging him, more like), sitting together when the crew went out for drinks after work. With Buck, he felt…
Safe.
Which wasn’t surprising, really. Buck was a kind man. Sweet and thoughtful. He put other’s first – just like Eddie does, he could hear Frank’s voice in his mind – and cared deeply about the people in his life. Not to mention, he was physically a very strong figure. In some other life, he and Buck met on the wrestling circuit but never fought. Him: with his MMA, and Buck: with his Greco-Roman Wrestling. With those broad shoulders and firm arms, he wouldn’t mind being pulled into a stronghold once or twice.
He knew Buck was conventionally attractive from the day they met. There was no hiding the sharp blue eyes or curly blond hair and rounded jaw.
Nothing like Ana.
Another correct statement that still seemed ominous in context. Why was he comparing Buck to Ana – or Shannon, for that matter? It wasn’t fair to compare friends to lovers. Although, Buck did fit into several categories on both sides.
Buck was a loyal friend, caring and trustworthy. He made Eddie and Christopher feel safe and loved. He wanted to do Buck’s laundry. He thought he was attractive. Slowly, one side of the column began to build in size.
Perhaps Buck was a bigger part of Eddie’s life than he realized. He hadn’t thought seriously about dating anyone until Ana and that never felt right but Buck…
Buck always felt right. Like he belonged with them. Like he’d known them all his life.
Could it be that Eddie wanted something other than friendship? Had he been climbing the wrong ladder all this time only to find himself at the top with no way across? After all: Buck had never given any indication that he was romantically interested in Eddie.
Though, to be fair, Eddie had given no indication either.
But that was because he’d just figured it out. Surely Buck had some idea that best friends didn’t act the way they did. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t interested, in any way, with Eddie. Could he forget it and go back to the way things were? Now that his fingers seemed to tingle with the new realization, could he take it back? Could he put those feelings in a box until someone else came along?
Would there be anyone else?
What did he want to happen with Buck?
Kissing him, for starters, might be interesting. Those plump, pink lips exploring his entire body. Having someone in his bed every night would be nice – and not just anyone, but someone who understood his work and the stressors of the day. If anyone was going to stand by his side while he freaked out about Christopher going on his first date, it should be Buck. Next to Eddie, that man was the most protective when it came to that little boy. He’d only seen it once or twice but Eddie knew that Buck looked good in a suit. Would he look even better in a tux? Years from now, when he retired from the LAFD, it would be nice to feel the weight of a ring on his finger, knowing he had someone he loved waiting at home.
Oh.
Oh damn.
Eddie’s shower ran a little bit longer than expected that day.
That simple thought had sent him on a spiral two weeks ago and every night that he struggled to fall asleep, he found himself rolling to the empty side of the bed, wondering what it would be like to wake up next to his best friend.
The conclusion he inevitably came to: it would be wonderful.
If the worlds aligned, of course. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his sudden, escalating realization (not even Frank). There was no way to know if Buck reciprocated his feelings in any way. Though he knew with uncanny certainty that he would be safe to confess his feelings without fear of losing his relationship entirely, it still seemed safer to gather more information before making any sort of move.
I’m safe with Buck no matter what.
So, no. Eddie would not describe what he felt for Buck as a simple ‘crush’.
It was everything.
------------------------------
The accident scene was a mess. It always was. They so rarely rolled up on an event that was neatly organized – not that it would make him any less stressed or worried for the safety of his patients. It was his job to worry, to be surrounded by chaos. Perhaps that was his new normal now, and his idea of an ordinary life had shifted to one that involved heavier boots.
There was still a sense of satisfaction and ease, knowing that he got to go home to his son every night, that he was helping people, and there were people in his life who loved and supported him. Unlike his old army mates (as strong as those relationships were), he also knew that if he woke up and decided to be a baker instead of a firefighter, the 118 would still treat him as one of their own.
Perhaps ‘baker’ wasn’t the best example, baking had never been one of his favourite activities. A florist, or a construction worker, maybe. Firefighting meant a lot to him but it wasn’t his calling – the way it was for his… for Buck. How would the man react if one day, Eddie told him that they would no longer be partners in work? There was no doubt in his mind that Buck would still be over on Thursday nights with pizza and video games. And perhaps if Eddie was working more regular hours, he could go over to Buck’s on occasion and make dinner for the three of them. That would be a nice surprise. Buck would smile that impossibly bright smile and open his arms to Christopher, swinging the boy around gently because he was overly cautious about roughhousing with him – something that only made Eddie’s heart beat faster. Then, Buck would make his way over to Eddie and kiss him with a sort of reverence; like he can’t quite believe that Eddie’s real. He could rest assured that the feeling was mutual.
What a ridiculously outdated fantasy. He’d clearly grown up watching too much ‘I Love Lucy’.
The firefighter shook his head as he hopped out of the truck, turning his thoughts towards the work at hand.
That was something he’d always been good at: focus and calm under pressure. It was what had made becoming a firefighter so appealing. Sure, being a combat medic meant he was more than qualified for field rescues, but all that stoic strength he possessed was better used at work rather than at home. At home, he could be Christopher’s dad. At work, he was Firefighter Diaz.
There was no room for fantasies in Firefighter Diaz’s mind.
The chaos of the accident mostly consisted of cries of pain from passengers trapped in their vehicles as they tried in vain to free themselves before the qualified company could arrive. It wasn’t uncommon to come across a major pile up in the middle of the day, when Angelenos weren’t kept at a complete standstill, and impatient drivers were a staple of life in the LAFD.
Eddie took his orders from Bobby, clearing a path of bystanders for the heavy equipment, and assisting those who were stuck somewhere between freeing themselves and receiving a particularly crude hemicorporectomy. For all the noise, it was a relatively calm affair. Sure, some were screaming and crying – and one woman definitely threw a fit when told to climb out the passenger-side window of her shattered vehicle. But those in need of help received the assistance they required, and the worst injury they encountered was a broken rib and neck bruise from a young man who remained conscious throughout his entire extraction.
It was messy, it was chaotic, it was loud, but it was all right. There were still a few people with minor concussions and bloody wounds that could hopefully be tended to at the scene (most of them unwilling to take the ambulance ride if it wasn’t strictly necessary). He was admittedly a little hyper-focused today, his mind fighting the urge to wander away from its regular duties. Eddie chided himself for feeling so lovesick at work. He’d gone all this time loving Buck, he could handle a few more hours. It was that hyper focus which would be his undoing.
“All right, I think you’re going to be just fine. Head on over to my husband over there and he’ll get you some gauze for your arm.”
An innocent enough sentence – one that didn’t register in his mind through the haze of moving from one patient to the next – but one that only fed into that dangerous fantasy of his.
“What did you call Buck?”
And one that Chimney had apparently heard loud and clear.
Eddie blinked, as he kept his eyes trained on the man before him (some poor bystander who’d bumped his head when he’d stumbled backwards to avoid the oncoming collisions), determined to remain professional in the face of his own idiocy.
Clicking his penlight on with a little too much enthusiasm, he shook the device over his patient’s face. “Can you look up, sir?” Eddie felt his coworker’s eyes trained on him but he kept his focus on his work. As he continued his examination, Chimney crept closer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and amusement but still, the ex-soldier remained stoic as ever. Some part of Eddie knew that ignoring his friend now would only lead to a confrontation later but right now, he had work to do. And dividing his attention between his duty and his teasing friends was not how he wanted to spend his afternoon. So, he stayed focused. After a few moments, he saw Chimney shake his head and move away, letting Eddie take a much-needed breath of relief.
He was safe from his own stupid brain. For now.
Eddie knew it was coming when Chimney let him be during the rest of their scene cleanup. It was inevitable; but knowing and experiencing were two entirely separate matters.
“So.” Chimney wore what could only be described as a ‘shit-eating grin’ as he began his sentence, pulling all eyes in the back of the truck to him. “Is there something that Buck and Eddie would like to tell us?”
Buck, innocent as ever, turned to Eddie for guidance. “No…?” Eddie could only stare out the window, sorely tempted to remove his headphones if only to prolong the inevitable conversation. Was he blushing or was his face simply burning from the inside out?
“Are you sure?” The man was unrelenting, his voice growing higher with his escalating amusement. As if giving them a chance to confess would be easier than Chimney spilling the truth.
Not that there was any truth to confess. There was just one, very, very, idiotic man who got one simple crush and couldn’t keep it in his pants.
“Chim, what’s going on?”
There were two options Eddie faced in this moment where his head filled with warning sirens (not dissimilar to the ones that normally filled the truck). He could come clean and confess his sins to the team, facing the consequences with what meager amount of dignity he had left. Or, he could lie and pretend Chimney had misheard him, and they could all go about their day. That seemed the safer option. Of course, he hated lying to his team – to his friends – but what was the alternative?
“I called Buck my husband at the scene.”
Apparently, the alternative was exclaiming his idiocy in front of his teammates and denying the flash of a smile on his partner’s face. It was a simple upturn twitch of his lip, hardly noticeable, but the only opinion that mattered to Eddie as he gave his confession was from the man sitting across from him – and he was decidedly attuned to Buck’s ever-changing expressions. On a normal day, he enjoyed the way their knees bumped as the truck bounced through the streets of Los Angeles; it was just another reminder of how connected they were. Now, it made the space between them feel too close – yet still not close enough.
Buck’s face, upon hearing the news that Eddie had tied them together in the mind of some random stranger, flickered once before falling to something neutral and curious (almost amused). As if he was studying something.
“Oh, I don’t mind.” His partner shrugged and Eddie’s heart stopped. “Were they hitting on you?”
Again, Eddie appeared at a crossroads. “No.” And chose the more embarrassingly honest answer.
“Were they hitting on me?”
“No.” So many forks in his path but he continued to veer in one direction, as Buck furrowed his brows in confusion.
“Then why did you”
“I don’t know.” Eddie tried to sound casual as he grumblingly cut him off before he could continue his innocent interrogation. Through the headset, he could hear Chimney snort in disbelief but his eyes remained solely locked on his partner.
He knew why Chimney might scoff at his dismissal – those type of slipups didn’t ‘just happen’, after all – but it was as close to the truth as he could muster. He didn’t know why he’d said what he said. His mind was still frazzled from long hours contemplating what he wanted and what he felt.
Apparently, his subconscious had taken over and now he had his answer.
An answer which was decidedly too large to attempt to unpack while he was still on duty.
He wanted Buck to be his husband. He was ready to get married again – and to his best friend, no less. All wonderful information to process at another time.
The rest of the trip back to the station was filled with noise: the roar of the engine, the shout of the horn when someone inevitably cut them off, the clank of metal against metal. Eddie’s head was silent. He stared out the window at the passing world, feeling the eyes of his partner drilling into his cheek for a time, and then return to his phone. No one spoke, but the absence of voice was deafening. Teasing or pestering would have been better than the juxtaposing silence that told him everyone knew what he’d meant.
Buck had given him every out for his little mistake and, instead, Eddie had barreled straight into his own demise. There was no other explanation as to why he’d said what he said: he’d meant it. Or wanted to mean it, rather. Sure, his dirty little secret had been outed, but Buck had yet to make a comment one way or the other.
I don’t mind.
One friend helping out another: that was what it meant to Buck. And he loved that. But there was no mistaking now what Eddie felt in his heart.
He wanted it to mean something else.
Climbing out of the truck at the end of their journey was harder than usual. The silent stares wouldn’t stop because they were back at the station, it would only be worsened by the fact that there was nothing else to focus on. Eddie never prayed for a call – and he still wouldn’t now – but if there was any mercy in the world, he could avoid all of his friends and co-workers for the rest of their shift.
Simple enough.
“Hey.” Eddie cursed at the familiar voice following him towards the cubbies. Naturally, they were alone, naturally, there was no real excuse to leave – and apparently, he’d decided to suppress his ability to tell white lies for the sake of his pride today – naturally, his heart pounded behind his eyelids as Buck stopped jogging in front of him.
“I just want to say…” and here came the inevitable turndown Eddie dreaded and secretly hoped would never come. “It’s okay, I get it.” Buck’s smile was small but sincere. That man couldn’t be anything less than sincere.
It’s one of the reasons why I lo-
“It was just a slip of the tongue,” Eddie cut off his own thoughts before they betrayed him the way his subconscious had. He needed at least some of his faculties to survive the day. “Don’t worry about it.”
He stepped to the side, intending to escape his own personal hell – was it always this hot in the station? Did they always stand so close to one another? How had he never realized his feelings before now? – but Buck blocked his path.
“No, really, it’s fine.” Was Buck blushing now? “I kind of think of you as my work-husband, too.”
Another perfect opportunity for an out. He could flounder excuses about being tired and meaning it in a work-related setting the way Buck implied.
“Right.” His words sounded weak to his own ears. Who knew what they sounded like to Buck, as the man finally let him pass. Freedom secured, Eddie quickened his pace so as to escape the curious eyes of his fellow crewmates as quickly as possible.
Or at least, that was the plan, until Buck called out: “But you know, I’m free tonight if you wanted to talk about it.”
It felt as though the world stopped spinning – but the distant sound of clanking cutlery from the loft reminded him that it had not. His stomach dropped into his shoes, and his skin burst into flames from the buzzing in his ears. Eddie pivoted on his heel slowly to face his partner, uncertain he’d even heard the words he’d said. But there was Buck, blushing as brightly as he felt, but smiling a much more lopsided grin.
“Talk about what?” He cautiously asked.
Buck moved first, filling the minimal space Eddie had put between them with his broad chest and bright, eager eyes. He smelled of smoke and pine (despite interacting with neither today) and a thin sheen of sweat made him appear more disheveled than perhaps he was. Had he always been so intoxicating? What were they talking about?
“About being husbands… outside of work.”
“What?” Now Eddie was certain that he’d misheard his friend.
Buck simply smirked in response to his question, eyes moving slowly over Eddie’s face. He was always examining, questioning, confident. He had been doomed from the start.
“Christopher’s in bed at eight, right?”
“We’re pushing it to eight-thirty.” His mouth moved on autopilot, too stunned to comprehend the sudden shift in subject.
Again, Buck’s blue eyes circled his face slowly, absorbing all Eddie’s focus as he felt himself physically affected from the mere sight of his partner with his knowing grin and wandering eye. So entranced was he, that he didn’t notice how closely the other man had leaned into his space until he felt his hot breath against his skin. Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat.
He was absolutely doomed.
When Buck spoke, his tongue danced along his teeth, an enticing show of some unfulfilled fantasy that had never occurred to Eddie in the first place.
“Then I’ll be there at eight-thirty-one.”
Buck’s flirtatious demeanor melted into a giddy smile that snapped through the tension he’d pulled between them. “I was a little- a lot worried you didn’t feel the same.” He confessed, still filling Eddie’s space with his infectious energy. One word from him, and Eddie melted.
“You…were…” No more words filled his mind beyond a string of victorious swears and the sound of panicked cheering, but Buck seemed to understand him nonetheless. Buck had always understood him.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with using the truck to keep his legs underneath him, he would have turned to see Buck walk away, pumping his fist in excitement. As it was, several crewmembers looked on from the balcony, shaking their heads at the pair of idiots acting like lovesick teenagers over a single date.
Chimney shooed them all away before taking the opportunity to shout: “Buck, tell your husband that lunch is ready.” Which earned him more than a few chuckles from the firefighters upstairs, and two overexaggerated groans from the men below.
They were definitely not going to be living this down for a while.
For once, Eddie didn’t mind – and if the grin plastered on Buck’s face for the rest of the shift was any indication, neither did he.
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jawritter · 3 years
Text
Where The Green Grass Grows
Chapter 2
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Summary: Life changes, nothing ever stays the same. With most change comes with some degree of pain, that’s how we grow. Jensen thought he had his whole life planned out, written for him in the bright lights of Hollywood. One failed marriage later, and a lifetime of lessons learned, lead him home to a place he thought he’d left behind him when he was only a teenager. He thought his life was over. He felt like he’d lost everything, but who knew one little trip to the local diner that had just opened up outside of town would turn his whole world upside down. All because he met you. Maybe a little slower pace of life isn’t such a bad idea after all…
Warnings:  Language, Angst, mention of past OC character death, mention of grief, dealing with a divorce. Drinking. I think that's about it for this chapter.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader
Word  Count: 2065
A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine!!Please do not copy my work! I hope you all enjoy this one! Feedback is golden!
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“Fuck me,” Jensen mumbled as he rolled onto his back from his stomach and looked up at the ceiling of his childhood bedroom. 
His head was pounding, and his stomach was more than a little woozy. He desperately needed to stop drinking so damn much. He was just getting too old to do it anymore like he did when he was in his 20’s, and the hangovers were no joke anymore.
He was thankful that his mom had redecorated his bedroom over the years, and that it was set up as more of a guest room than it was his old bedroom. It helped to not have to face all those memories he had shoved way down, and just pretend it was a holiday or another family gathering where he had to stay over for a while. 
He knew his time in Hollywood had come to an end for the foreseeable future because he was still having trouble keeping his emotions in check, and as long as he was doing that drinking had been his go too. It was a natural spiral for him, he was glad in a way the public didn’t have a chance to see just how bad he was. Alex was right about one thing, home had been a good place to hide. 
He couldn’t hide from everyone here. That was the only problem. His family could see just how bad of a clusterfuck his life had turned out to be. He knew they knew he was drinking heavily, he saw it in the way his mom looked at him every morning when he finally dragged his back from the dead ass out of his room, and down for breakfast. 
A loud rap on the door nearly made him fall out of the bed and with three heavy thuds he was brought back to reality. 
Jensen looked up just in time to see his dad come into the room, and sit down in the small chair next to the window before turning the lamp on there. Jensen shielded his eyes from the assaulting light that flooded the room and groaned as he rolled himself over to hide in his covers. 
“Morning,” his dad said, crossing his legs as he watched Jensen struggle to adjust to the light and refocus his gaze on his father. 
“Morning,” Jensen finally mumbled, sitting up on the side of the bed, and running his hands through his sleep tousled hair.  
“Mom’s got breakfast ready downstairs, and some slacks and a dress shirt ironed for you in the laundry room,” Alan said as he watched Jensen get up and stumbled his way towards the connecting bathroom, leaving the door cracked so that he could yell back over his shoulder to the older man sitting in the chair.
“Where are we going?” Jensen yelled before flushing the toilet and making his way to the sink to wash his hands and throw water on his face. 
He didn’t like going out in the public eye right now. Someone always recognized him, and always had a damn camera ready.
“It’s Sunday, and as long as you live under this roof with us you know you will have to go to church with us,” Alan said simply as Jensen made his way back to sit on the foot of his bed. “That was the agreement when you moved back in here remember?” 
Jensen tried to push down the annoyance that rose up in him surprisingly quickly. 
Church? He hadn’t been to church in years. Hell, he didn’t even know after everything that he’d gone through if he even believed there was a God anymore.
Jensen licked his lips, attempting to choose his words carefully. This was his father’s house, and he had agreed to it when he’d moved in, he just didn’t anticipate Sunday coming so damn soon. 
“Dad, I don’t know If I’m fit to walk into a church house this morning,”  Jensen said, locking eyes with his father, and doing everything he could to convey without saying it out loud that he’d rather do anything than go to a church service. 
He wasn’t really, he was doing all he could not to throw up right there in front of his dad. 
“Eating will help with that hangover, then you can get a shower before we go, I’m confident you will be just fine.” 
Jensen shook his head and let out an annoyed huff. Just like when he was a kid, there was no arguing with him. There was no pleasing him. So he just gave up like he always did. That’s one reason why he didn’t want to come back here. Here he was, a grown-ass man in his 40’s, and his dad was still telling him what to do.
“Jensen, look, I know you don’t want to go, but don’t do it for me, do it for your mom. She was so excited this morning when she got up to make breakfast that you were coming with us. She wants to make a whole day of it. Go out to a little diner just outside of town once it’s over, and just have a family day. Just... give her today.” 
His dad stood up and made his way towards the door before turning around to look back at him. 
“The only way you're ever going to move on from this son is to pick yourself up and just do it. No matter how much you want to just roll over and give up. If you do that, Danneel wins. Pick yourself up, shake it off, find a pretty girl to go out with to help you get over her, and put the bottle down for Christ stakes. It’s only going to cause you more pain in the long run.” 
Jensen watched as his dad excited the room, his mind reeling with what he said to him. He knew he was right, he was never going to move on as long as he let himself wallow in what happened. He had to get past this. He wasn’t the first man to ever go through a divorce, and it wasn’t like it was all sunshine and roses while they were married. 
Jensen forced his aching body to its feet and made his way towards the shower to rid himself of the smell of alcohol. They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, but right now he didn’t feel so strong.
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Five hours later, all the way across town, you had just finished cleaning up from the first lunch rush. Sundays were always a big tip day, and you could really use the money, so you didn’t complain not one bit about the almost constant on your feet that the day was sure to bring. 
Most church groups came in all together, which made for large orders, and large tables. Today was not different. As far as you could tell there had already been seven church groups come through, and seeing as it was close to 1:30 pm, it wasn’t anywhere near over for you. 
You were just contemplating taking a break before the next wave of customers, but you must have contemplated a minute too long because the dinging chime above the door announced the arrival of more guests. 
It was a party of about seven adults and a few children. You could tell that they were all family just by looking at them, so it would probably be an easy table.
“Want me to grab that table?” Jess asked as you through the cloth you were wiping tables with in the bin behind the counter and started to make your way towards the table they had chosen with our pad and pin to start taking their orders. 
“Na, It’s not that big of a table, I got it,” you answer her and she nods at you with a smile. 
“Y/N, hold up a sec,” she says, running over to you to whisper in your ear. “You see that guy with the black shirt, the one who just took his shades off?” 
Your eyes trained over the extremely attractive man with broad shoulders, brown, almost auburn hair, and the most astonishing pair of green eyes that seemed to sparkle even at this distance. 
“That guy is Jensen Ackles, have you ever heard of him?” she asked, the smirk growing over her face as your eyes raked over the gorgeous specimen of a man sitting at the table looking at the menu that was already there. You watched him swat at the young girl you assumed was his sister playfully when she leaned over to annoy him. 
“No, and right now who he isn’t important, what’s important is the tip I’m gonna get when he’s done.”
“I hear he’s recently divorced,” she said, but you cut her off, and made your way towards the table to take their drink orders, and introduce yourself. You didn’t need to know his history. The guy was way out of your league, and you weren’t an idiot.
“Hi, my name is Y/N, and I’ll be your waitress for this evening,” you announced as you came to a stop at the head of the table next to the oldest man, and the man that you were informed was Jensen Ackles. 
Jensen’s eyes met yours and you swore to god for a moment you forgot how to breathe. He was so heartbreakingly handsome up close, and the moment he smiled at you, a swarm of butterflies was turned loose in your belly, and you haven’t felt like that in a very, very long time.
“Can I get you guys started with drinks?” you asked, clearing your throat, and quickly looked down at your pad to hide the blush creeping up in your cheeks. 
“I’ll have a Dr. Pepper,” Jensen said, starting the roll call of drinks your way. Once everyone had their drinks, and you had brought their food to the table, you went to hide behind the counter, and try to catch your breath. 
Every once in a while you would catch Jensen looking at you, and when he caught you looking back at him he would smile warmly at you, making those butterflies take flight all over again. 
“You’re blushing, Y/N,” Jessica said, elbowing you playfully as she followed your gaze. 
“Shut up,” you mumbled, and went back to refilling the ketchup bottles in front of you.
“He keeps staring at you ya know, maybe you should go ask him out.” 
If looks could kill the look that you were giving her would have done the job. You didn’t have time to respond to her, because the sound of a throat being cleared behind you made you nearly jump out of your skin. 
“I’d like to go ahead and pay if that’s okay?” Jensen said, as you turned around and the smirk Jensen gave you nearly made you fall flat on your ass.
The man was insultingly handsome, and he knew it.
“Sure,” Jessica said, turning to the register and giving him his total. His eyes barely left you as he paid for his meal, and you made your way over to start clearing the table they were sitting at. 
You thought you had to escape him because you can’t think straight when he’s looking at you for some reason. You should have known better than to think it was over that quickly. 
Looking down at the table as you picked up the plates you saw a folded napkin set in the center of what was Jensen’s plate with a note scrawled on the napkin, and a $100.00 bill tucked inside that simply said,  “For the prettiest girl in Dallas.”
You turned around just in time to catch his eye as he winked at you, and followed his family out of the door. The look on your face must have been priceless because Jessica came running your way shaking your shoulders to get your attention. 
“What is it? Talk to me Y/N!” 
You showed her the note wordlessly. Your head was swimming with emotions as she squealed and jumped up and down with excitement next to you. 
You were too stunned to do anything but stand there, how the fuck could you have a crush on someone that you had barely even spoken to? How the fuck could he have such a hold on you already?
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mings · 3 years
Text
Some context...
...in relation to that last post. This is a lo-o-o-o-ong read, so feel free to skip right by if catharsis bores you.
This starts way before I joined tumblr; in fact, long before tumblr was even a thing.
Twenty years ago, we lived in a huge house backing onto the English Channel. We moved there from Scotland, which turned out to be (probably) the biggest mistake of my life. 
Within nine months of buying the place, the company I’d moved to work for nearly folded. I and most of the workforce were made redundant. That set in motion an existential battle with our mortgage insurer, which refused to pay out because I “must have known” when taking out the insurance. (I didn’t, and they eventually caved in after destroying my credit record, but that’s another story.)
Work wasn’t immediately available; none that would at least cover the bills. We got inventive, wrote a business plan, obtained finance & bought a franchise. It went pretty well for the first three years, but we had to bust a gut to make the required income. It wasn’t easy. Eventually, the franchise operator messed up relations with several key players in our insurance market. Within three months, we lost 75% of our revenue. I had to close the workshop & find part time work to make ends meet. Ultimately, we decided to close the business, sell the house and downsize to something more manageable.
What’s the relevance of this? We tried hard to keep our precarious financial state form the kids. Maybe we didn’t do as well as we thought. Our son had already become withdrawn. He’d fallen in with a group of local lads about whom we had grave misgivings. Of course, there was no discussing it. We were “over-reacting” and unreasonable. It was around that time that he decided to jack in his education. I couldn’t criticise; I’d done the same. I pulled some strings and got him a job at our local Royal Mail delivery office.
We moved to our new place. It was a stressful move. Trying to fit into a house that was literally half the size was never going to be an easy task. One afternoon, our son came home from work and soon after announced he was going out. “See you later.” Only we didn’t. He didn’t come home that night. Nor did he turn up for work the next day. Nor the day after. And nor the day after that. Within a week he was written up for unauthorised absence. We had no way of contacting him. His case was heard in the following weeks. I could offer no mitigation. He was sacked for abandonment of duty. That tag that means he’ll never work for them again. 
We still had no idea where he was. We only knew he was alive because we met a couple of his friends who couldn’t believe he’d not been in touch. Still no word. My wife was in shreds; I suspect any of you who are parents can identify with that. I was alternating between trying to prop her up and stay on top of my job, all the while under a constant barrage of barracking (Oh, we don’t mean anything by it, it’s just banter....)
About three months in I’d had enough. Sleep was a scarce resource so I rose at the crack of dawn and started on a trip, rousting one after another of the friends and acquaintances that I knew, following leads until finally I tracked him down to a sordid bedsit several towns and 40 miles away. At least he answered the door and looked sheepish. He offered no explanation or apology, and has never done so to date. He refused to come back home, but promised to keep in touch. 
We know he bounced from one sofa to another in the next few months. He spent time in some of the worst areas in the county for drug abuse. He fell into a relationship with a girl that looked promising initially and subsequently fell apart. Later, he surfaced in another town with another girl whom he subsequently married. She often spoke of his irascible temperament and moods. Ultimately the marriage was doomed; she was younger than him, found a new interest and moved out. One wonders now how much of that was her and how much she’d put up with before voting with her feet.
He’s stumbled from one financial crisis to another. Money just evaporates. It’s as though adulting is a mystery beyond his reach. I’ve lost count of the times that we’ve thrown money at him and I don’t want to even think about how much. It’s literally thousands, always a loan, yet he never, ever pays back.
He left his job. That was inevitable too; he worked for his ex-father-in-law’s company. Heaven only knows how long the writing was on the wall; it was pretty swift once she left. He drifted again. He chose to live in a squalid flat with no heating rather than move back with us. Absolutely his choice, not ours. 
We moved to Scotland. That meant all his stuff had to go into storage. Quick rewind - he moved all his stuff to ours when he gave up the house he & his ex lived in, but refused to move back home. I had to rent a storage unit to make space for all his gear & when we moved I shifted all his gear into the store, gave him the key & told him I’d paid three months up front; after that it was his to deal with. Apparently, he surrendered the store and moved all his gear into the flat...
Fast forward to a couple of months back. He’d run out of options at the flat. His flatmate was “really difficult” to live with. His ex had moved away, taking their son with her. He had nothing left to stay for and, surprise, he’d lost his job again so he couldn’t afford the rent. 
My wife convinced me we should give him one last shot, citing his fragile mental health. I agreed on the strict understanding that we are simply no longer in a position to support him. He assured us he’d be applying for work as soon as he got here. We rarely see him before midday...
We agreed the end of the first week in March. We knew he’d arrive with a ton of stuff so we had (again) to create space. That’s infinitely more difficult now we’re running a B&B, but we set to the task. Suddenly, two weeks sooner than we’d agreed, he rented a van and was on his way. No discussion, no warning. We only found out because he put something on FB. 
Finally, after trying to reach him most of the day, he phoned. Whilst we should have been relieved, instead we were treated to a barrage of abuse because all the petrol stations were shut. Of course they were. It was in a national lockdown and why would they stay open when there was no one on the roads? JFC, who embarks on a journey in sub-zero temperatures across some of the most inhospitable country in the UK without enough fuel? With a six year old child. Yes, not only did he forget to tell us about his change of plans, he forgot to tell us he was bringing his son too.
We drove south through the night for two hours to find him somewhere in the Cairngorms where he’d run out of fuel. No fuel meant no heaters at 1500 feet in deep snow. The ambient temperature was -5ºC/23ºF & with wind chill that was probably around -10ºC/14ºF. We found him & refuelled his van. No thanks, just another barrage of abuse, because he was tired. We took his son into our car & drove the two hours back in near silence. I think we knew then that it was an awful predictor of what was to come.
We’ve had row after row. He accused me of being passive-aggressive in the last. He actually ticks all the boxes for passive-aggressive behaviour. I’ve never been tagged with that before; if anything I’m too forthright, blunt even. That’s a failing to which I will admit. If by that he meant that I don’t talk about the elephant in the room, it’s only because we fear it’ll lead to another explosion.
He never saw the damage that we sustained during our fostering years. He was never there. Yet here we are, experiencing flashbacks to those traumatic incidents; the parallels are exact. We have the benefit of years of training. We recognise manipulative behaviour when we see it - we were trained by some of the nations best exponents - and we know divisive tactics implicitly.  What he doesn’t know is that he will succeed only in pushing us closer together and alienating himself even further.
There are clear and well-documented links between cannabis and mental health issues. He is allowing the drug to determine his life choices. Although I may be wrong, I think he’s cultivating skunk, which is nothing like the weed that circulated in my youth. The smell that pervades our hallway is instantly evocative of high strength Afghan resin. It’s also going to be acutely difficult to eradicate before we’re due to open.
We’ve endured 20 years of this treatment. I know that even if we have a ritual burning, it will only be a matter of time before we’re back here again. We’re old. We’re tired. And we’ve worked our socks off (and still do) to achieve what we have. Maybe somewhere along the way we missed something. But I’m at a stage where I’m so far beyond this I just want it to stop.
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