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1d1195 · 2 years

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To Be Loved

Notes/warnings: I don't have time to write anything that anyone probably wants to read right now. Here is the song I've been listening to on repeat for the last week and a half. Angsty themes are present.

She nodded and looked up at him. “Please don’t leave me,” she begged so brokenly. “I know that’s terrible of me to ask you—”

“I will never leave you, m’love,” he said simply. She nodded, her eyes welling with tears again. Harry brushed them from her cheeks as they fell and she didn’t speak again. He pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re mine,” he said simply.

Last night / confidence was shaken / my wounds, and my past was saying “no one should ever love me like you do”

Harry walked into their shared apartment prepared to argue. It was how every single night began when he came home late from work. He didn’t like working late. Of course, he didn’t. He would much rather be home with the sweet love he adored so much. He wanted to shower her with love and affection.

But there were bills to pay and they didn’t have that kind of time to lounge around like some of their other friends who didn’t need to work as many hours as they did to afford the lavish lives they lived. Harry loved his career; it was endlessly rewarding to work with kids and adults alike to put families together and mend broken homes...but he wished it paid more. She wished the same of her own job; “do it for the outcome not the income” was a mantra in schools and her very own mantra as well.

They simply wanted time for one another. She couldn’t pick up extra hours like Harry could. So, he did the extra working, and she did the household chores and care. It was exhausting on both fronts, and it was rare she would be awake when Harry arrived home—drained from school and then chores.

Harry would be drained too, hopeful that maybe they could watch a show together or enjoy a meal together. It had been weeks since that had happened on a weeknight. It was hard to live as if they only existed together on the weekends.

That was the cause of the argument the previous night. It left for a silent day—no text messages, no voice messages, no tagging each other in funny pictures on social media. So, Harry was ready for another round of arguing. He was sure it would happen.

But instead, she was sitting there on the couch waiting expectantly, looking toward the door. “Hi,” she said so softly it barely reached Harry’s ears.

“Y’okay, kitten?” He asked softly at the sound of her gentle voice. The need to argue dissipated. She was all that mattered. He stood by the door afraid to really move beyond the entry way. He kicked his shoes off as she nodded.

“Yeah,” she swallowed. “Just...missed you,” she whispered brokenly and looked away from the door where Harry stood. “M’sorry,” she sniffled.

“Whoa, hey,” he said hurriedly and dropped his bag. He noted the folders spilling out of the bag and spread about the floor, but they didn’t matter at that moment. “Kitten,” he said and crouched in front of the sofa. He put his hands on her cheeks and brushed his thumbs along the tears that began to roll down her face. “Hey,” he repeated and brushed his thumb on her lower lip. “S’matter, m’love?” He asked.

She took a shaky breath in. “I thought you weren’t going to come home,” she croaked. “I worried all day.”

“Oh, baby,” he frowned. “M’sorry. Why didn’t you...” he stopped his own question. He knew why she didn’t text him or call him. He didn’t call or text her for the very same reason: they were both stubborn and the argument from the night before tainted everything.

“Then why don’t you just leave?!” She shouted. Harry felt his heart ice over and he stopped yelling about how she was always sleepy. How it sucked being trapped in this cycle of not seeing each other because it was so expensive to be alive. The idea of leaving her never crossed his mind. He never really understood why they argued. It seemed futile. It didn’t seem like anything would resolve the issues. It was just time. Time was needed for their positions to move up. She was finishing her second degree that would give her a bigger pay boost. Harry wouldn’t have to work long hours forever. She could get a second part time job or tutor. She had lots of time off due to school vacations. Harry wouldn’t be stuck doing the grunt work for the rest of his career.

But to hear her asking him to leave made him break. He stayed silent. He stared at her for a prolonged moment. Didn’t say a word. She was taking heaving breaths. Harry simply walked away, closed the door to their bedroom and went to bed.

“Kitten,” he cooed. “Baby, I...” he shook his head. “I can’t leave you. I don’t want t’leave you. Could never...” he promised and she sniffled, her breath catching in her throat as she inhaled shakily again.

“M’sor—”

“Baby, s’okay,” he promised bringing her toward him. “M’sorry, too. Behaved like a proper arse,” he murmured into her hair. She shrugged against him.

“M’always tired,” she reminded him. “I never see you,” she whimpered. He shook his head still.

“You’re always busy, kitten,” he said knowingly. “S’not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten s’mad. I jus’ miss you, too.”

She nodded and looked up at him. “Please don’t leave me,” she begged so brokenly. “I know that’s terrible of me to ask you—”

No one should ever love me like you do / While I’m on this road, you take my hand / somehow, you really love who I really am / I push you away / still you won’t let go / you grow your roses on my barren soul

Harry’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. Just another thing that went wrong. The stupid piece of metal not turning over made him want to scream. “Harry,” she said gently.

“Kitten,” he shook his head. “Don’t,” he muttered bitterly.

She pressed her lips together nervously. He got out of the car after popping the hood and fiddled with a few pieces not fully sure of what he was doing but figured it couldn’t hurt. He swore and smacked the hood shut and pounded his fist against it angrily.

She hurried out of the car and came to his side. She reached for his arm and he shrugged her off. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Kitten, this is—”

“Hey,” she repeated. “Stop,” she said and forcefully grabbed his hands in hers. He felt himself melting almost instantly at her touch. He leaned against the front of the dead car on the silent road. “S’okay.”

“It’s your birthday,” he muttered.

She shrugged. “I just wanted to be with you,” she reminded him. She wedged herself between his knees and leaned toward him. “You’re the best gift of all,” she promised.

He thought about how much the repair would cost. How much time would have to be spent away from her to take care of the cost. How much time and money he couldn’t save for a ring that deserved to be on her finger.

And all she could think about was him.

“Why d’you even love me?” He muttered.

“I think you hypnotized me,” she joked. He didn’t even crack a smile. He felt miserable. If this was anyone else, they would have high tailed it out of here long ago. He had seen it before. “Hey,” she whispered.

“If y’were smart you’d leave me,” he mumbled. She brought her face so close to his and peered upwards to his withdrawn and defeated face. She smiled.

“Good thing I’m stupid, then,” she smirked again.

He rolled his eyes. “You really love me? Poor, broke, dead car and all?”

“And more,” she promised.

Harry felt the warmth of her words spread through his body. When they had spent a rare Sunday in bed staring at each other and enjoying their presence together in the quiet, chilly morning she said his fingertips spread warmth through her that it felt like how she imagined wildflowers grew in places that didn’t deserve growth. He didn’t understand a thing about her imagination. Didn’t know how wildflowers could grow where they didn’t belong.

His hands moved to her hips and pulled her closer to him between his legs. “I think I just fell more in love with you.”

“Surely there’s not much “more” left,” she smirked.

“You keep surprising me too,” he said, finally smiling.

“I’m so in love with you, Harry Styles.”

But when she loved him anyway, he thought maybe wildflowers could grow where they didn't belong—like in every inch of Harry’s broken and tired soul.

The way I push you through it / what you had to see / I’m a trainwreck / I’m a mess / you see the best and the worst of me / still I can’t imagine that I’ve earned your trust / I don’t understand where your love comes from

Like most things they did, it was just the two of them. She wore a stunning dress that didn’t trail behind her but anyone that looked at her would surely follow her with their gaze until she was physically not in view. With her hair pulled into a stylistic crown around a river of curls she looked like a picture out of Harry’s history textbook from university. She resembled a Greek goddess. Harry couldn’t stop staring at her even if he wanted to. Handsome as always she felt like the first time she laid eyes on Harry back in college. Effortlessly good-looking. His hair, his eyes, his smile, his tall frame all overwhelmed her senses in the best possible way. She couldn’t look away from him then and she couldn’t look away from him now.

They stood together in front of the town clerk, hand in hand. They were quiet and he watched her bite her pretty lip out of the corner of his eye. He squeezed her hand pulling her from her thoughts. Turning to look at him, she tilted her head curiously. He smiled so gently it crushed her. His cute dimple piercing his cheek and subsequently her heart.

When Styles was called Harry winked at her. “Last chance,” he said softly squeezing just below the fake diamond she picked out at Pandora on her left finger.

She shook her head at him with an eye roll. “I’d like to see you try.”

He chuckled. “No way, kitten,” he promised, and he watched her cheeks pink with the words he spoke. She was so, so stunning.

They gazed at each other while the clerk went through the legalities of the union. “Do you want to exchange vows?” He asked.

She glanced at Harry nervously. “I don’t...” She shook her head. “I don’t have anything prepared...I don’t—"

“I’m a mess, kitten,” Harry began, overtaken with how much he loved her and how this didn’t matter at all. He just wanted her to be all his forever and ever binding and legally. “You love me anyway. I promise I’ll love you forever. Loving you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Through all the bad and all the good. I’m so very grateful to have you.”

She blinked and Harry watched the tears fill her vision. He brought his hand to her cheek and hovered his thumb over her lash line waiting for the tears to fall. “If you’re a mess, I’m a trainwreck,” she whispered. He smiled and shook his head. “I love you so much,” she promised. “I always will. I trust you with my entire life and that’s not an easy thing for me to do. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I could, I would marry you every single day for the rest of my life and nothing else.”

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He could feel his eyes stinging with his own tears imagining her in thousands and thousands of dresses getting married all over again every single day. The idea made his heart thud loudly in his chest. “No one has ever loved me like you do,” he said.

“I don’t know how you love me so much,” she smiled so sweetly.

He sniffled and nodded blinking back the tears. “I really do,” he promised. “I don’t know how you put up with me.”

“S’the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” she answered.

“I love you.”

He pulled her toward him so he could press a kiss to her forehead. “I think we’re ready now,” he murmured to the clerk with a smile.

He smirked at Harry and nodded. He turned to the sweet girl first. “Do you take Harry to be your husband?”

“I do. Forever and ever.”

Harry couldn’t tear his gaze from her for a second. He remembered saying “I do,” as well, but it was overshadowed by their first kiss as husband and wife.

There was no party, no family, no presents.

There was some champagne—the good kind. They fed each other cupcakes she had made the night before and he licked the frosting from her lips as he kissed her over and over on their old couch in their apartment. He couldn’t stop looking at her.

She took his tie off and loosened his collar. Her gaze didn’t break from him for a second and she forwent her heels and snuggled against him in the couch cushions in her fancy dress. He pulled some bobby pins from her hair, releasing the trapped curls and up-do so she breathed a sigh of relief.

He kissed her so deeply she could feel it in her toes. When her tongue brushed against his lip teasingly, he felt the heat of her love from it pore through his body and reach every inch of his veins. It warmed him from the tip of his toes to the roots of his hair.

They put on a show that they didn’t watch. Instead, they stared into each other’s eyes not saying a word. They fell asleep on the couch in their wedding clothes. And that was it.

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