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steddieassheg0es · 1 year

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Steve is used to being appreciated for superficial details. The things that have nothing to do with him really.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been liked for anything that makes him him. Even Nancy, for all that they care for each other now, had only really wanted to rebel in the way that only cool, well off kids can. She wanted the hot boyfriend who she could drink with and have sex with and feel a little less like the girl from the cul-de-sac. Steve was just the body attached to that goal.

Tommy just wanted his status. The right hand man to the King. Never mind that none of the people who fawned over him knew the first thing about him. All that mattered was Tommy was cool by association.

His father…well his father wanted Steven Harrington III. The trust fund kid, Stanford legacy, heir to his prestigious business. The man who would marry the perfect trophy wife and have the perfect life. When that all went up in flames, he wanted Steve to shut up and stay out of the way. Try not to be an even bigger disgrace to the family name.

His mother was too drunk to remember he existed half the time. He preferred that to the cold indifference when she was sober.

The kids might actually like him by now. He’s not really sure. He knows he loves them all dearly. He’d give his life for any of them, nearly has a few times. But mostly to them he feels like a human shield. Good to take the hits and keep on taking them. Maybe a bit of comedic relief. You can always count on Steve to say something dumb and lighten the mood.

(When he’s being less self pitying, he knows that’s not exactly fair. He remembers the surprisingly heartfelt “If you die, I die” from Dustin in the Russian elevator. Though he also remembers the unintentionally overheard “No one is around. Why do you think I’m with Steve Harrington?” from the same kid just the year before. So maybe they do like him now, but being freshly graduated from highschool and entering the adult world to have the only people who even remotely like you as a person be a group of children is a bit depressing. The thought that they’ll grow up and learn better, move on and leave him behind…)

It’s not until Robin that he feels really seen. It’s an unexpected friendship born from a silly little crush. Though when he really thinks back he’s not sure he ever actually had a crush on her. The truth is far more pathetic. He just hadn’t realized friendship could be like this. The only love he’d known before was romantic or almost fatherly and protective. A grown man who didn’t know friends could actually care for each other.

He’ll forever be thankful to have Robin, treasures their platonic love more than he can say. He knows deep down though that once she graduates she’ll move on to bigger and better things.

No one stays around for Steve Harrington. No one loves Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington is bullshit.

Even more pathetically, Steve is still a romantic at heart. Desperately needy. He longs to be loved, to be desired for more than his body.

Not that he doesn’t like sex. It’s just that he’s had enough shallow flings to last two life times. A few moments of pleasure followed by days of feeling hollow. Women who want to see if the rumors of his skills in bed are true, who want to claim a night with King Steve, who want to be seen with someone sexy on their arm. Want to tick him off their checklist and never look back.

They don’t listen to him. They couldn’t care less about his likes or dislikes, his dreams, his fears. Mostly they chat about themselves or if they’re a bit more polite they might ask him about his former glory days. Spend enough time in public to be sure they’ve been seen with him then take him home. Rinse and repeat.

So he gives up. He’s tired of shallow and can’t seem to find anything else, so what’s the point?

When the world doesn’t end for the 4th and 5th time Steve figures it’s the final nail in that coffin. How can he ever hope to find someone who will look past the noose-like scar around his neck or the chunks of flesh missing from his abdomen? It’s not like he can tell anyone. NDA’s aside, who would believe him?

At least his circle of age appropriate friends has grown. It’s not how he’d have liked to meet Eddie or Argyle, or get closer to Nancy and Jonathan, but he’ll take what he can get for as long as he can get it.

There was a moment where he thought maybe Nancy finally did love him. But once the adrenaline faded, so did the hope. Both because he could see she was only reaching out to him as something safe and comfortable, but also because he was doing the same. He’ll always have a deep love for her, but there’s truly no romantic feelings left there.

Nor are there between her and Jonathan it seems. Which becomes a weird bond for the two men, their once love for Nancy Wheeler. They understand each other better now, and adding in Argyle and his zen like energy and never ending weed supply they provide the most laid back company he’s ever had.

Eddie…he’s not sure what to think of Eddie Munson at first. He's known of him by reputation for a while (and he flinches at the thought that that goes both ways), but gossip does him little justice.

Eddie is vibrant. Steve never really understood when people would say someone could light up a room until now, because Eddie does. He’s so kind despite everything this town has done that by all rights should have snuffed that out. He’s funny, incredibly smart, and beautiful. Not just physically, though he is, but he has the most beautiful soul.

So really, it’s no surprise that Steve falls head over heels for him.

—

The day Eddie kisses him, his heart breaks.

He’s too needy to say no to this, to anything Eddie’s willing to give him. It just hurts to know that Steve’s done it again somehow, lured someone in close with his looks. Like the light of an angler fish, shiny and pretty and distracting from the grotesque thing behind it all.

He’d thought maybe they could be real friends. No one loves Steve but maybe Eddie could like him.

“Stevie?”

He blinks back into reality. “Hm?”

“You wanna say something? I just kissed you and you haven’t said or done anything and I’m kind of freaking out here.”

“Oh. Uh…right. Sorry. You just caught me off guard.” He smiles, because he’s desperate enough to soak up any bit of affection he can get, even if it’s empty. “You should try that again, I’ll get it right this time.”

His smile widens, more genuine, at the sound of Eddie’s laughter as he does what he’s told. Feels it against his grinning mouth. Wonders if he can swallow that sound, keep it with him forever. Something to hold onto when Eddie inevitably grows bored with him.

He waits for the escalation…and waits…and waits. But while Eddie does pull Steve into his lap, his grip stays firm and still on his waist. Never pulling Steve into motion, never wandering to touch. He gently sweeps his tongue across Steve’s lips, waits for permission to enter, then seems content to continue making out.

Not that Steve’s complaining. Actually there’s nothing that he loves more than kissing. He’s just…confused. Everyone he’s ever been with has always seemed to view kissing as a necessary part of dating or the unavoidable first step to a hookup. Never something to enjoy just for the sake of it. They always pull away first.

He considers moving things along himself, but hesitates. If he thinks about it, it’s possible this is Eddie’s first kiss. Small town Indiana probably doesn’t provide much opportunity for gay hookups. Maybe he’s just not quite ready yet. It’s not like Steve wants to rush things along. The sooner Eddie gets it out of his system, the sooner he moves on. And the last thing Steve wants to do is push him. Steve can wait. He’s very good at being patient. And if he’s Eddie’s first, well, he wants to make it special.

He refuses to let himself think too hard about that. His first time was hardly anything noteworthy, he hardly remembers the girl. Eddie’s more cautious than he was, especially with being gay, but that just means he trusts Steve to keep a secret. It doesn’t mean he’s special.

No one loves Steve Harrington.

—

Steve just gets more confused as time goes on.

Things have changed between them, just not in the way he was expecting. Eddie is unbearably sweet to him. Not that he wasn’t before, but it’s different now. He calls him “sweetheart” and “baby” and “angel”. Holds his hand any time they’re alone. His kisses, while they do occasionally have some heat behind them, are most often soft and gentle. When they watch movies on his couch he pulls Steve against his chest, sometimes lays them down and curls himself around Steve, always holds him close.

He doesn’t even pull away when his uncle walks in the door, tightens his grip when Steve tries to the first time. Mr. Munson (‘It’s Wayne, boy. Mr. Munson was my father an’ he was a mean son of a bitch.’) just smiles at them fondly. Like he’s happy to see his nephew wrapped around another boy, wrapped around Steve.

More confusing than anything is that after weeks, he still hasn’t pushed for more than kissing. Steve’s felt him hard against his thigh when they’re pressed in close, but Eddie just politely shifts his hips away. Says nothing, does nothing about it.

Doubt begins to swirl in Steve’s mind, poisonous. If sex is the one thing he’s good for and Eddie doesn’t want it, what does that mean?

Is Eddie just too nice to tell him the truth?

He wouldn’t be surprised. Steve may not be anything special, but that wouldn’t matter to Eddie. Eddie is good, and kind, and wonderful. He would hate to hurt anyone.

The question is, is Steve deplorable enough to take advantage of that? To take and take until even Eddie has nothing left to give?

He’s really not sure.

—

The day it all comes to a head is really nothing more worthy.

It started like most days this summer have. The Party is gathered at his house, most of them enjoying the pool. Only he and Nancy refuse to go in, choosing instead to watch from their lounge chairs side-by-side. Nancy seems to be watching Robin in particular, which is interesting.

Steve of course only has eyes for Eddie. Who seems pleased by it, preening under the attention and showing off.

Eventually he drags himself up out the pool (and if Steve appreciates the flex of his arms and chest that is his business), and he surprises Steve by flopping down in front of him, Steve’s legs bracketing Eddie’s.

Steve laughs and shoves him, complaining about getting wet, but his mind is racing. They haven’t exactly told anyone besides Wayne about whatever it is they’re doing. All intimate touching behind closed doors. Eddie’s a tactile guy though, and no one bats an eye at him sprawled across Steve while he chats with Nancy.

He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t notice when Nancy leaves to sit by the pool and dip her legs in while she flirts with Robin. Doesn’t notice Eddie looking over his shoulder observing him. Stays unfocused until Eddie shifts, pressing his back to Steve’s chest and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Penny for your thoughts pretty boy? You look so serious.”

“Hm? Oh, no it’s nothing. You know me, not much going on in my head.”

Eddie frowns instead of joining in his laughter like he expected. Like everyone else does.

“Don’t do that, I hate that you let everyone joke about you like that. Because I think you genuinely believe it. You’re not stupid, Stevie. If you don’t wanna talk about whatever you’re thinking about that’s fine but don’t say that it’s nothing or that you’re dumb.”

“I am, though. It’s ok Eddie. I know I’m not…you don’t have to pity me so if that’s what this has all been about it’s not necessary.”

“Pity? I don’t…what what is all-“

Eddie’s cut off by Dustin excitedly bounding up to them, eager to share an idea he had for their next campaign. He gives Steve a significant look that tells him this conversation isn’t over before he indulges their favorite gremlin.

Steve wasn’t sure he wanted to pick this up later though. On the one hand he didn’t want to be the reason Eddie was miserable, feeling stuck with him. It’s just…he thought he had a little more time.

So he does his best to drag the day out as long as possible. With the kids being out of school it’s easier, he’s charmed all of their parents enough that they don’t have a curfew when they’re with him.

As the afternoon sun dips lower towards the horizon he wrangles them all out of the pool to eat. Dustin unwittingly kept Eddie engaged while he manned the grill so he didn’t get a chance to corner Steve while he was away from the group.

Now Eddie sits beside him, lets his hand rest on Steve’s knee as the kids thank him and dig in. He allows himself this moment of happiness. Everyone he loves together (almost, Joyce and Hop are taking advantage of some alone time), filling their bellies with food he’s prepared. The ever present protective anxiety in him settles.

He glances over to see Eddie watching him with the softest smile.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…you. Proud mama hen.”

He can feel his cheeks heat, which only makes Eddie’s smile widen. “Shut up.”

Once everyone is stuffed to the gills they all change into their pjs and descend to the basement for a movie. They sprawl about on the couches and nest of blankets on the floor. Once Steve gets the movie set up and makes sure no one wants anything, Eddie shoves Mike to the floor and pats the seat next to him, ignoring the younger Wheeler’s protests.

As soon as he sits Eddie quickly tugs his legs into his own lap. When he tries to pull them back, Eddie holds him still by the ankles.

“Nuh-uh. You’re staying right there, big boy. You’ve been playing host all night, and you’ve done a wonderful job. But now you’re going to relax. If anyone needs anything they can help themselves.”

The kids all shush them as the movie starts so he just lays back and accepts it. Might as well soak up this last bit of affection while he can.

—

Of course, he can’t make the night last forever.

Eventually the movie ends and everyone starts filtering out. Nancy and Argyle divvy up the kids to chauffeur then everyone says their goodbyes.

Robin hesitates at the door, her gaze searching. He can feel Eddie’s presence behind him as he conspicuously lingers, clearly not intending on leaving with everyone else. Steve’s not sure what his face is doing but it’s enough for Robin to be concerned.

“You good, dingus? You want to do one of our parties tonight?”

He wants so badly to say yes. To use her as a shield to protect his heart. But he knows he can’t delay the inevitable much longer.

“Nah, I’m all good. You can go hit on my ex to your heart’s content.” He grins as she sputters before stomping off.

He takes a deep breath to steel himself before he turns to face the music.

“So…”

“What did you mean, earlier? When you said ‘if all of this is pity’?”

Well then, they’re jumping right into this it seems.

“Look, I…I get it, ok? I know I’m not the person people love. I’m the one night stand or maybe a fling. What I don’t understand is you apparently don’t even wanna fuck me. So just because everyone else is gonna leave me, you don’t have to stick around. It’s not your responsibility. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”

“Oh sweetheart…there’s so much to unpack about what you just said, I don’t even know where to start.” He looks like he’s in physical pain, Steve wants to reach out and soothe. Before he can, Eddie is invading his space, reaching out to hold his face. “Baby…how can you not know that I love you? Fuck. You’re everything.”

“You…what?”

“There aren’t enough words to describe how I feel about you. I could write a million songs and it would barely scratch the surface. And I’m not even close to the only person who loves you. Every person that just left this house adores you. Why would you ever think they don’t?”

“I’m not-I don’t…my own parents don’t love me. No one loves me. People always leave me behind.”

“Fuck your parents. Fuck every idiot you knew in high school. And I love her, truly, but fuck Nancy Wheeler. Listen to me, we all love you and none of us are ever going to leave you. Even if they move for college or jobs or whatever they’re not leaving you. And I’m not going anywhere without you. If you don’t love me…or if you stop wanting to be with me, you’re never getting rid of me. Understand?”

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels Eddie’s thumbs stroking the wetness away.

“You really love me? You’re sure?”

“So fucking sure, sweet thing. God I’ve been infatuated with you since the day you verbally eviscerated Tommy Hagan in the cafeteria. But I was gone for you the moment I opened my eyes in the hospital and saw you there. I’d have told you right then but I didn’t want to scare you away. I couldn’t believe it when you kissed me back. Never thought I’d be so lucky, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

Steve feels a sob tear out of his throat as he shoves himself into Eddie’s arms, burying his face in the curls against his neck.

“I love you, Eddie, so much. God I love you, I love you, I love you..”

Eddie shushes him, holding him close and stroking his back in big soothing circles. He cries like a summer storm, intense but brief, then sags once it’s all out of him. He’s suddenly exhausted. Somehow Eddie seems to sense it.

“C’mon princess, let’s get you to bed, hm?”

They make their way upstairs, both of them brushing their teeth and stripping down to their boxers. When they crawl into bed, Steve nestles himself into Eddie’s side and wraps himself around him. He can feel his doubts trying to claw their way to the surface but tries his best to shove them down. He may not understand it, but he trusts Eddie not to lie to him.

“You still awake baby?”

Barely. “Mhm.”

“There’s something else you said…about me not even wanting to fuck you?”

“Oh…it’s ok if you don’t. It’s just usually all people want from me so when you didn’t go for it...”

“Seriously, fuck those people. But that’s not…of course I want you, pretty boy. I just didn’t want to rush you. I know you’re not exactly inexperienced, but I’m pretty sure I’m the first guy? Even if I’m not…baby, I want you so bad it makes me dizzy, but I could spend the rest of my life kissing you and die happy.”

“Yeah? So if I said I never want to…”

“Then we never will. I’d never pressure you.”

“Well I do. Want to.” He hides his burning face in Eddie’s chest. “You’re so fucking hot, shit. You are the first guy though. Not the first I’ve ever noticed but I’ve never been interested enough to go for it. So taking it slow might be a good idea. And I…I really like kissing you.”

“I really like kissing you too, Stevie. Can’t get enough of that pretty pink mouth of yours.” His reply is cut off by a jaw cracking yawn. “Alright sweetheart, time for all the pretty boys to get their rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Realistically he knows it’s going to take a long time for his insecurities to fade, but as he drifts off to sleep he lets those words sink in to his heart and for the first time in his life he feels loved.

Shout out to my beta reader @conversationswithamillennial ❤️❤️❤️ You’re amazing.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #my fic #steddie fic #stranger things #stranger things fic #implied ronance #not actually unrequited love #negative self image #hurt/comfort #steve harrington needs a hug #eddie munson loves steve harrington #my writing

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