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save-me-phantom-ghoul · 16 days

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Had a break down and spiralled into some old insecurities, so why not comfort yourself through projecting onto your favorite lil guy :3

Content Warnings! : lots of talk of self deprecation, mentions and depictions of self harm, break downs

If I missed anything please let me know and I'll add it to the warnings for future viewers

Right anyways here's 1k words of phantom ghoul being mentally ill

Ah, Thats.. Not right

It wasn't supposed to have him do this, it was supposed to be quick and easy, just fill out the quiz and hit submit. This page shouldnt have popped up.

What happened? what did he do wrong? He filled everything out right, got almost all the answer right. He did it right, why was it wrong.

His face started to ache with the furrow in his brows and frown at his lips, his eyes darting back and forth trying to piece together what could've gone wrong, where did he mess it up. It was at the start wasn't it. He thought the prompt sounded wrong, but nothing else was popping up when he refilled the information.

An ugly feeling started pooling in his stomach, his throat felt raw. Quickly exiting out of the page, and opening it back up, he tried clicking on the test again.

Nope. He's officially, royally, fucked up. Unable to do anything or figure something out he starts to panic.

Why is this happening, he did it right. He was supposed to do it right. It was supposed to be easy. Everyone else did it just fine. Why didnt he. Why couldnt he do it right, he can't do anything right, always fucking up, always doing it wrong, always messing up someone else's day with having them help him, always angering people because he couldn't do a simple task.

It wasn't your fault.

He can't do anything right. why does he even try.

Trying is all someone can do.

He knew it would've messed it up and it did.

You did what you thought was right.

It wasn't right!

Shut up! it wasn't right and it's your fault!

Take some fucking responsiblity for once!

You couldn't figure out something so simple, it's easy, why couldn't you do it!?

...

He's tired of this.

Of here.

He grabs his phone from where it got tossed on his bed, opening Aurora and his' messages

Mr.Bug: rory I messed it up:(

Mrs.Bug: the test?

Mr.Bug: yeah, I don't know what happened

Mr.Bug: I struggled to sign in and then had to sit through the most mind numbing 30minutes of ai voice speach ever and when I finished the test it wanted me to pay like, 100 dollars :((

Mrs.Bug: pits Ant how did you do that 😭

Mr.Bug: Idk! D:

Mrs.Bug: I'm so sorry, phantom, we'll figure it out tomorrow with the group and stuff

Mr.Bug: okay 😞

The sound of his head hitting the wall behind him nearly echoes in the silence of his room. He feels his throat tighten, and his body tense. He doesn't want to cry, he hates crying. It makes his head hurt and his face swell.

He bites his lip in a useless attempt to stave off the break down crawling up his throat. And with the first few tears the carefully curated dam breaks, his hand coming up to rake through his black and white rats nest of a mane, the greasy feeling of unwashed hair making him feel worse. his body shaking, aching in the strain of being quiet.

The walls of the ghouls rooms were pretty well soundproofed, any inside noise thoroughly muffled to near perfect muteness. But he didn't want to risk the off chance that the others grew super hearing. Or his room specifically, just wasn't soundproofed. Knowing his luck one or the other would end up being right. So he kept quite, muffling his strained sobbing behind his hands and a blanket.

His mind goes on a whirlwind of self deprecating thoughts. This has happened to many times, he's been here for to short of a time for that many faults to stack so high. It towers over him, over Swiss, or Aether, even over Mountain, in his mind.

His mind quiets, his body relaxes and hands slide down his face. Deep breaths, blink back the tears, grab your phone and at least warn Aether of your fuck up.

He does so, shakely reopening his phone, this time to Aether and his' messages. The devices clock glaring an ugly 12:34am at him.

Mr.Bug: me when I break down over a silly little test because I managed to fuck it up and you'll have to help me fix it somehow tomorrow :,3

AetherEther: tbh, not that surprised 😅

AetherEther: I'll help you tomorrow

Mr.Bug: I'm so so sorry :(

AetherEther: it's alright

He was hoping for some positive, understanding words. Hoping the way he said it would ease the disappointment. Well, he got the understanding part.

It hated how his eyes swelled with tears as he read the responding messages. Throwing the headphones he had around his neck to the end of the bed and yanking at his smooth horns. Fucking Pits! Not surprised. Not. fucking. surprised.

Oh he knew the older quint didn't mean it like that, he really did, but his mind read the words and all of his insecurities roared. He clenched his teeth and pulled his horns harder.

The ache was a nice distraction from the horrible feeling of crying, but it wasn't enough. He needed more, he needed something sharper, stronger, longer lasting. He wanted-... No

No you can't do that, you promised her you wouldn't, you're better than that. It's been so long, you've done so well you can't ruin that over a stupid test.

Something else then, his nails, his fingers. His hands fall from his achey head to his bare shoulder, digging right above his shoulder blade and scraping up. His nails were to dull in this half glamoured form to break his skin, but the pressure on the muscle paired with the gritting of his teeth was close enough.

He hoped it'd bruise

He wants it to bruise

Do it on your forearm so they see

He digs his fingers into the back of his shoulder, next to where they had ended their journey up.

His nails dug in a bit more than the pads of his fingers this time, a sharper, more welcomed pain

Yes that was a bit better, he wanted more of that, needed more of that kind of pain

A rather harsh sob broke past his clenched teeth, and he curled in on himself. He digs his thumb nail, longer than the other due to a nail picking habit, into the underside of his upper arm. The sting of it was sharper and longer lasting than the previous tries.

As he dug the nail in, anger filled his body. He couldnt do anything right and they all expected that of him. It was expected. Lords below he really was useless. He was tired of this, he wanted to go home.

Wherever that was.

He doubted it was here. He didn't know where else home would be, the pits definitely weren't, here wasn't.. So where did he belong.

Did he belong?

What use was he to the world if he couldn't even do something so simple?

Please, he wanted a home.

Lords please, he needed to belong somewhere.

Let me be needed.

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hopefullyababe · 7 months

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oh girl i did not relize but i feel like SHIT

#daphnes talking again #negative vibes

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doraemonfanclub · 4 months

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Doraemon enduring bad waves coming at him. Resist!

#Doraemon #ドラえもん #哆啦A夢 #El Gato Cósmico #gif i made #struggling #enduring #negative vibes

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badartcreations · 1 month

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Here's a bigger post with some more sketchbook content. Hope y'all enjoy!

Music recommendations ⬇️

#traditional art #art #artists on tumblr #my art #original art #small artist #artwork #dark aesthetic #satan #satanist #satanism #satanic #evil #666 satan #666 aesthetic #negative vibes #black pill #Spotify

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buckys-little-belle · 4 months

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you ever end up seeing a picture or a video of you and you just go “wow” in such a bad way, like you don’t even know how to see the positive you’re just like “wow i hate me” because mood rn

#tw body image #tw body image issues #tw body dysmorphia #tw body issues #body image #negative vibes

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enchanting-jewel · 11 months

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Rid yourself of negative/evil energies:

If you feel influenced by negativity or evil forces, light a black candle in front of a mirror and say:

“Any dark or evil force

May return to its source.

May my home and I be free,

Safe and well So Mote It Be!”

Focus on the negativity leaving you and never returning. Once you’re grounded and feel better, you may end the spell by blowing out the candle.

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kariiimm · 2 years

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“Hiding the pain is another pain.”

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x-heesy · 1 year

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Gif mood board aka gif attack

You know I'm pure in my mind

And my body is fine

But in my soul I know

I'm a negative creep