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#neglect
traumasurvivors · 2 months ago
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This applies to anyone, but I really want to emphasize this to my fellow survivors who went through trauma as children and/or teenagers.
I’m so sorry you lost part, most or all of your childhood. Please give your inner child what you can. This includes comfort but it also includes doing the things you didn’t get to if you can.
Play the fun games. Buy the tasty treats. Go on adventures to the park and swing on the swings. Watch cute movies. Make crafts. Blow bubbles. Or any things like that! Embrace your inner child and let that inner child enjoy things they never got to or didn’t get to enough.
It’s not too childish or too late. You can’t get your childhood back but you can still help your inner child.
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furiousgoldfish · 4 months ago
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Here's to everyone who didn't get comforted when they needed it the most. You are worth comforting. If nobody saw your pain or tried to get it to go away, it doesn't mean it's not important. The scars of being left to suffer alone are enough to not trust that you deserve any better, but you do. People who caused and neglected your pain were wrong to do so, they have shown themselves as inhumane and vile. May your heart recover and your stress levels balance out. You're worthy of humanity and love. You did not deserve to be emotionally abandoned and left to your pain.
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study-to-rule-the-world · 2 months ago
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7 reasons adults should have stuffed animals too
1. STUFFED ANIMALS BRING A SENSE OF SECURITY
Stuffed animals offer a sense of security during times of change. These are referred to as “comfort objects,” or “transitional objects,” and they can help us feel a greater sense of security when moving from one life stage to another, or even from one job or one house to another. That sense of security is important when things are in flux, helping us navigate change more successfully.
2. STUFFED ANIMALS HELP EASE LONELINESS
The modern world can feel lonely and alienating for adults, even when we’re surrounded by people. While stuffed animals cannot completely replace the social role that other humans play in our lives, they can help ease feelings of loneliness and alienation, helping us cope with the interconnected and lonely modern world.
3. STUFFED ANIMALS IMPROVE MENTAL HEALTH
Live animals have been gaining visibility as a therapeutic tool, but did you know that stuffed animals can help in a lot of the same ways that live animals do? According to one study, stuffed animals helped patients with disorganized attachment styles form secure attachments and even rebuild impaired attachment bonds. Being able to build secure emotional attachments can help people live richer, happier lives. According to Dr. Aniko Dunn, stuffed animals are “... recommended in psychotherapy and for people suffering from PTSD, bipolar and other mental disorders.” 
4. STUFFED ANIMALS CAN HELP US GRIEVE
Stuffed animals can represent a connection to a loved one that has passed, giving us a path through the grieving process and easing the feeling of loss that accompanies the death of someone close to us. 
5. STUFFED ANIMALS HELP US HEAL FROM TRAUMA
Stuffed animals are used in some kinds of therapy! Stuffed animals can be useful in some kinds of “re-parenting,” in which a trauma survivor learns to care for and love the stuffed animal (and eventually themselves) to recover from traumatic experiences in childhood. This can increase happiness and self-esteem in the trauma sufferer, and decrease feelings of self-loathing. According to Rose M. Barlow, Professor of Psychology at Boise State University, “Animals, live or stuffed, can aid therapy for both children and adults by providing a way to experience and express emotions, a feeling of unconditional support, and grounding.” She extends this to those who are healing from trauma resulting from childhood neglect or abuse.
6. STUFFED ANIMALS REMIND US OF CHILDHOOD
Nostalgia is a psychological state of “pleasant remembering.” While memories of the past can be troubling, those that feel nostalgic typically make us happier, and result in better self-esteem. Pleasant memories of the past can make us feel more connected to our families and friends, and can provide a sense of continuity to a life that may seem chaotic.
7. STUFFED ANIMALS REDUCE STRESS
We know from various studies that interacting with animals reduces stress. In fact, something as simple as petting a companion animal, like a dog or cat, causes measurable reduction in levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. Cortisol can cause a number of physiological problems, including weight gain and increasing the likelihood of coronary disease. But did you know that touching a soft stuffed animal can have similar cortisol reducing effects? Touching stuffed animals helps to relieve stress, keeping us happier and healthier. In fact, stuffed animals specifically for stress and anxiety exist! Weighted stuffed animals and aromatherapeutic stuffed animals are designed to help relieve stress, giving a double dose of comfort from your stuffed pals.
(We often think that stuffed animals are just for children, but if you can get them to admit it, many adults have stuffed animals too! A 2018 study shows that 43% of adults have a special stuffed friend.)
Source: https://bunniesbythebay.com/blogs/how-to-delight/7-reasons-adults-should-have-stuffed-animals-too
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unwelcome-ozian · 4 months ago
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furiousgoldfish · 4 months ago
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Was I neglected as a child? Checklist
Bold if you experienced it, italicize if you're not sure. If you read a line and it rings true for you, but you think 'that's my fault because I never said anything', bold that line! This is about your experience, not blame assignment. (tw for painful content ahead)
Physical neglect
I couldn't count on having clean and decent appropriate clothing every day.
I couldn't count on having decent meals every day
It was my responsibility to make food/assure there's clothing even at a very young age, or there would be none
I couldn't count on being taken to a doctor when I needed it
I was not receiving proper vaccinations/medications as a child
I was not taken care of for my injuries, flu's, fevers, or health issues
I was left alone and ignored when sick
I felt guilty, ashamed and/or scared when sick
Nobody noticed if I was injured, sick, or scared of something that was happening to my body
It was safer for me to keep my sickness/injuries/medical fears to myself
I felt it would bother everyone, or make everyone mad with me if I admitted to being sick, hurt, or scared about my well being
I had to take care of other kids as a child, so my physical well being felt like an afterthought, it was something I was supposed to take care of myself
If I was taken care of physically, it was used as a blackmail later, I would be required to allow myself to be controlled as a return 'favour'
My medical issues were neglected to the point where they turned into long-term issues later
Emotional neglect
I haven't felt it was safe or welcome to open up to my parents or caretakers as a child
I was not encouraged or supported in expressing my emotions or experiences
I was not encouraged to speak about my passions, desires, or what I wanted from life
I was repeatedly attacked, shamed, ridiculed or manipulated with any private information I would share, forcing me to learn to hide
I was not welcome to speak unless I was somehow entertaining or giving out vital info
It was communicated to me in subtle or direct ways that it doesn't matter what I want or need, and that nobody cares
I was shamed and accused for wanting/needing attention
I was not receiving supportive or warm physical attention as a child (encouraging pats at the shoulder, affectionate hugs, being stroked in approving/affectionate way)
I felt uncomfortable receiving physical attention from my parents as a child because it communicated ownership and non-consensual enforcement, rather than approval and pride
I felt completely alone in any hardship and pain as a child, and knew nobody would stand by my side
I didn't feel safe asking for help, explanations, reassurance, comfort, physical attention or to be listened to
I felt like a burden if I wanted for someone to hug me and tell me it's all going to be okay
I was never comforted or reassured after crying or having a breakdown
I would get ignored, laughed at, humiliated or punished for crying, breaking down, or exploding in rage
I was taught that what I feel is irrelevant, and I would do better to stop expressing it
I was taught that expressing any painful emotion would get me nowhere, and it was better/safer to hide it
I spend hours crying or breaking down in pain/terror/stress/anxiety/catastrophizing alone with no comfort and nobody who cared or wanted to hear what I was going thru
I was to take the role of comforting and emotionally caretaking for my parents, or other children
Psychological neglect
My parents didn't notice I was depressed/anxious/psychologically unwell
My parents failed to provide me with a diagnosis for adhd, autism, or similar struggle, and I had to live and deal with it all on my own
My parents failed to believe me I was mentally ill or struggling with any kind of disability or trauma, leaving me to endure it all on my own
My fears about my value, or my future, were only intensified by my parents behaviour; I never felt reassured and secure in my current living conditions, and even less my future ones
My parents failed to acknowledge my sexuality, gender, world view, and pretended it wasn't there
My parents failed to notice I was self-harming
My parents failed to notice I was engaging in other self-destructive activities that could have, or did, cause long term damage to my life
My parents failed to notice or do anything about changes in my behaviour that signalled trauma (becoming aggressive, clingy, dissociated, numb, closed up, bed-wetting, nightmares)
My parents failed to notice I was missing school
My parents failed to notice I was failling into addictions
My parents failed to notice I was suicidal
My parents failed to notice my suicide attempts
Lack of protection
I was unsupervised for long periods of time as a small child
I was exposed to physical danger as a child without my parents noticing or reacting to it
I was exposed to physical danger and physical violence, by my parents
I was exposed to pedophiles and child predators as a child and was never warned, protected or removed from their influence
I was introduced to pedophiles and child predators by my family members
I was never given protection from bullies, or any unfair treatment during my education
I was never given support or comfort after being hurt by a stranger or a peer
I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by another child, and nobody noticed
I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by a sibling/neighbour/relative/teacher/peer, and nobody noticed/nobody stood by my side or tried to protect me
I was groomed by a predator (who could even be a family member) and nobody protected me or stopped it from happening
I was exposed to and groomed by a cult, and nobody seemed to notice, care, or help me get out of it
I was not given the knowledge to recognize a sexual assault on me, or grooming or any other predatory behaviour from strangers or other adults
I never felt protected from any outside danger, or felt like I was worth protecting; instead I was taught to feel guilty and ashamed for getting hurt at all
If you have bolded more than 4 of these, you have experienced neglect, and you were forced to struggle alone thru experiences that you were not meant to handle or survive on your own. Neglect is the type of abuse that will have the most disastrous consequences on your trust in people, your relationships, self worth, feeling of community, and will ensure that everything you were put thru is unexpressed, unresolved, and weighing down on your life. You did not deserve to be neglected like this, and none of the above is the result of your behaviour. You were not supposed to be put thru any of this alone, much less as a child.
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defiantsuggestions · 3 months ago
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Listen: Don't blame yourself if you're an adult who was never taught how to exist as an adult.
It is the fault of the people who raised you in toxicity and abuse. It was their job to teach you and they failed.
I see so much stigma by folks who have no fucking idea what they're talking about, spouting off asshole nonsense about how you're lazy and entitled if you don't leave home at 18.
They are wrong. Not everyone has the good fortune of halfway decent parents who haven't sabotaged them at every turn.
You can't leave if you don't know how to survive.
You can't leave if you have no where to go.
Idiots love to look down on those who are trapped and go, "well why don't you get a job if you want to leave so much"
And the fact of the matter is that it's really fucking hard to get a job when you have no experience, no references, no social skills, no transportation, nothing, because your abusers actively stood in the way of you getting those things.
There's a huge wall in the way. Of course you're going to struggle to get over it. It's not your fault.
Don't listen to anyone who tries to blame you for what your parents did.
You aren't lazy. You're dealing with a situation where the cards were stacked against you. The very fact you're aware that you were abused is an accomplishment in of itself.
You are not the problem.
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aszmxm · 19 days ago
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Your coffee gets cold when you forget it, so what about the one you love?
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invalid-request · 7 days ago
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Saying no one can help me but myself is just telling me it's hopeless. I wouldn't be asking for help if I hadn't already tried every damn thing I could think of.
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traumasurvivors · a month ago
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You could have been the most poorly behaved child in the history of the universe and you still wouldn’t have deserved the abuse.
A child never deserves abuse. Ever. And this applies to all types of abuse (including emotional, physical, sexual, etc).
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thingstotellthem · 2 months ago
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yes, im stagnating. yes, im not doing what other people my age are doing. you wanna know why? its because you cant just suddenly uncover seventeen years worth of trauma and then go on about your life like nothings changed. i have seventeen years to mourn over, and im just getting started. you watched it happen to me and did nothing, so you dont get to comment on it.
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