#neil and kevin bonding because from shared trauma

[aftg-rot]

Andrew Minyard and Obsession ~

I have been having some thoughts about Andrew and his unhealthily intense protective nature over Kevin, and then Neil. His compulsive desire to be the keepers of Aaron and Nicky can be characterised - not entirely, but mostly - by the hyperfixation on finding family after being in the foster system for so long, but the possessiveness to the point of obsession with Kevin, and ultimately with Neil, is different. As Neil says when he was assigned to look after Kevin while Andrew was away, it is possible to do so without becoming his shadow. Neil was realistically achieving the same goals as Andrew, without being with Kevin 24/7.

Because Andrew himself does not seem to have any hobbies, creative outlets or interests that are notable, I like the idea that the intensity in which he follows Kevin and Neil around is his way out of his version of the mundane. Their intense dedication towards many things is enough to break his apathy towards everything. It could be a coincidence that for both Kevin and Neil, and in turn Andrew, it is Exy. In another time and space, it could have been two different things for the two boys. Possibly, in reality Kevin and Neil are right and there is no way that Andrew can be that good at something without having some form of fascination with the sport he "does not care about." But the main factor is that both of them WANT something. They have a deep and contagious passion, they have an underlying drive for their feelings and actions, something Andrew does not have. 

Andrew, whether it is a lingering result of the medication, a trauma response, or simply who he is as a person, feels he cannot connect on any level with anyone else. The only connection he has with Aaron and Nicky is their family relationship, and shared history, but aside from that there is no emotional bond or healthy attachment. Andrew has latched onto Kevin and Neil's want and drive because it was a nice reprieve from the indifference, or a subtle lesson in what wanting and needing feels like. 

Falling for Neil and "wanting" him was probably the first developed emotional connection that Andrew had felt in a long time, with only Kevin's obsessive drive for Exy being a suitable substitute. Andrew's insulting of Neil every time he shows his true single mindedness towards Exy is very rarely said with malice, because deep down, Andrew either appreciates Neil's skill to remain driven during times of trauma, or is envious of both Neil and Kevin's ability to have such a force in their lives that makes it worth something.

It is mentioned that Neil offers Andrew his obsession to hold Andrew over until he finds one of his own, but I really think that is what happens. But not just his obsession with Exy, but both Kevin and Neil's ability to persevere and connect with other people, in both positive and negative ways despite what has happened to them. Andrew's codependent way of interacting with specific people is his way of attempting to fit in with the world around him emotionally, and co-opting his closest relationships' interests and obsessions is a method of connecting in an interpersonal way.

#here is my first lil essay which i wrote while making notes for my podcast #i have a VERY bias opinion of these boys especially bc myself i struggle immensely with finding things to be interested in and often fixate #on people and their obsessions #but i just think its interesting how kevins interest is exy and neils is kevin and exy and andrews is neil and kevin and as a result its ex #so this is essay one be nice to me pls im sensitive #mine #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #nora sakavic #andreil #kevin day #text #aftg discussion #my essay

[detectivebambam]

so im cheating and I'm doing 2 characters for the ask game

Kevin day and Aaron minyard (my favs, my pookies, my loves)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

11. Would you date this character?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

okay okay

Kevin and Aaron

He reminds me so much of myself, in terms of his relationship with exy. He's also funny asf. I dislike that he tries to pretend he's normal cuz my dude, you're not. But i like that he genuinely wants to be a normal person after all his trauma.

He's like 6'0" and his guard dog is an entire foot shorter than him. His girlfriend lol

The Hunger Games. I haven't read/watched it but from what I've heard it would be funny. Damn probably Supernatural but I would make him a vampire or smth

Stockholm Syndrome with my coach, and way too obsessive about being the best at everything. I fucking love Katelyn Mackenzie

Make him a little bitch. He's a "coward" because he was given to the fucking mafia as a little plaything. Be so real rn. They tend to make him the twin that tries the hardest to reach out and bond but post car crash, he's really not

No for both of them I'd probably strangle them in their sleep

No for both of them, I'd be a Neil type where I'm like goddamn why do you act like that? why don't you kill that guy instead of being upset about it ??

Yes he's probably gifted if yk what I mean. I could, but could he date me, that's the real question

He snores. Chronic nosebleeds and also he gets "straight man sick" as in he gets a tiny cold and he's out for the week

ima do the one i think they'd use a lot bc that's fun

Kevi: 😒 Aaron: 🙄

No fashion sense unless he's in a suit or court gear 😔 Emo lol he's got the spiky bracelets and everything

Kevin x Avery. Avery is my oc who knows absolutely nothing about exy and I think that's what Kevi needs tbh. Aaron x Katelyn of course they're amazing

Fucking,,, each other lol

idk probs Kandreil. no feelings one way or another with that ship. if he's not with Katie, I'm mad so

Kev x Thea. I just think they're a little too different, and in order to heal the way they both need to, they can't do that with each other. Love them as besties though. obvs i love Katie and Aaron 🤭

Jeremy!!!!! first of all, they've definitely fucked, second, Kevi actually smiles with Jer like he seems to really enjoy his company. Matt and I will stand by this. I have no reasoning, just... Matt

Probably Charlie Spring??? in a way?? and I can't really describe why tbh. Aaron is so unique that it's hard to find one, but if I had to choose, probably Matthias Helvar

First impression??? Damn, why is he like that? Oh, that's why he's like that. Damn, I'm kinda like that.

God what a bitch. Oh. Oh okay. Damn what a little bitch. Damn, wtf??

Now??? Babygirl and Little Bitch (with love)

this was so fun ty ty

#ty for the ask <3 #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #nora sakavic #kevin day #aaron minyard #thea muldani #katelyn mackenzie

[deadliestpieceontheboard]

I'm always fluctuating between "their relationship evolves to Neil being like Kevin's brother and Andrew his (unadmittedly) best friend" and "Kandreil should've been endgame and Nora was a coward"

oh, which one do I prefer?

#neil and kevin bonding because from shared trauma #andreil including kevin in the relationship #i see #yaaas #we need more of those #both takes are valid and I'm here for it #more kandreil content is all i ask #kandreil #kevneil #kandrew #andreil #aftg #all for the game #tfc #your honor i love them so much #aftg trilogy #the foxhole court

[andrew-minyards-bitch]

The foxes and which gay are they? The hozier, Taylor or one direction? (Jean and Jeremy for bonus points)

also let’s pretend that the foxes were teenagers when one direction was still a band

Starting right off the bat with Neil Josten, I’d say he’s a hozier gay because it just matches his vibes

He’s a hozier gay so he could balance Andrew’s one direction gay

Andrew’s gay awakening was Louis Tomlinson I don’t make the rules

Andrew screamed when Louis had exceptional lines in no control and sometimes he’ll hum 18 while stroking Neil’s hair

He has stayed awake till five in the morning because he was looking through all the old one direction vlogs and listened to all the albums

Andrew also made a fool proof 15 year plan of how he was going to marry Louis Tomlinson (he literally plan a murder for his mom what makes you think he won’t do this?)

Renee is the Taylor swift gay because she said and I quote “Taylor always has a way with words” but nope Renee had been listening to Taylor from the start but got really interested when Taylor released those wonderwall photoshoot because it reminds her of Allison

Renee is also the one direction gay and she definitely kept on switching between stanning Liam or Niall

Allison is very much the one direction gay

She went through all their concerts and her room looked like a shrine to Zayn Malik (totally relatable, justifiable and understandable)

Her parents are rich so obviously she’s going to attend meet and greets and she definitely put on those horrendous makeup and wedding dress thinking she was going to marry zayn

She legit thought she had a chance of marrying zayn (Andrew and Allison bond over their shared love for the two most iconic bromance in one direction and their childhood stupidity of thinking they were going to marry one direction)

Renee and Allison sometimes will listen to one direction songs in Allison’s car for ~nostalgia~

Dan was the Taylor swift gay but she wasn’t nearly as obsessed when Taylor got more popularity but she will occasionally turn on Taylor’s songs

Matt listened to one direction along with Renee, Allison and Andrew to see what was up

Kevin and Jean had a fight over one direction members on a daily back in the nest,, they also attended one concert and Niall looked at Kevin

“Omg Jean!! It’s the Irish bond!”

“Stfu,, why’d he look at your ugly face but not mine?!”

Kevin will not stop pestering Jean and saying shit like “oh you could’ve been sold to one direction where Harry styles could’ve worshipped you but wrong lifetime I guess”

Jean disses the crap out of Kevin when he says this

Nicky is the Taylor swift gay,, my mans is screaming “oh lord come take me to church” because religious trauma

Jeremy I’d say was the hozier gay because I feel like he had more of a dark past and he hides it with his sunny complexion

Aaron to Andrew’s horror was a Taylor swift gay (this was when haylor broke up)

They threw hands

#idk wtf this is #take it 🤲 #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #tfc #kevin day #neil josten #aaron minyard #matt boyd #Dan wilds #nicky hemmick #allison reynolds #renee walker #renison #andreil #jeremy knox #jean moreau

[jad110]

LGBTQ and BIPOC in Media Blog #3

In this unit, we watched five films that involve LGBTQ and BIOPIC themes. I believe that these films can be considered “Queer” style films. In my opinion, a film can be considered “queer” when it shows the challenges and hardships of the LGBTQ community. The representation of characters in the community through a stylistic or aesthetic approach. Each of these films shows different LGBTQ stories that present differently. Queer films involve unique editing and other visual details to show the characters. These different elements help show the audience the message and represent the LGBTQ community. I believe that in “queer” style films there is a lot of emphasis on nature and natural beauty. In “Brokeback Mountain” the setting for the majority of the film is in the beautiful mountains surrounded by wildlife and greens. “Call Me By Your Name” takes place in the beautiful countryside of Italy with natural lakes and lots of trees with colorful flowers and fruits. The environment in “Moonlight” shows how rough life can be but also how beauty can be revealed. “Mysterious Skin” and “Boy’s Don’t Cry” show the beauty in a small town with secrets. Truthfully, I have never seen any of these films and probably would never pick out these films to watch, but I enjoyed all of them in different ways. 

Queer-style stories show challenges and breakthroughs of who you really are. The film “Moonlight” is an excellent movie and I think that it represents the Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) very well. This movie had a full cast of POC. This movie shows the struggle that Chiron, a quiet black kid who had a very troubling life. Throughout Chiron’s life, he had been bullied and neglected by his parents. Chiron ran away from his bullies right into Juan’s life. ( 3:50-5:40). Juan is a local honest man who also happens to be a drug dealer. This film showed the emotional trauma that many black men go through. Black men are expected to be tough and not very sensitive. Because Chiron was smaller than the other kids and quiet he made for a target for other kids in his town. I believe that Chiron’s race had a big impact on his coming out and how he found his identity. “Moonlight” included many images that are cinematography beautiful and have a queer style to them. Including when Kevin and Chiron find each other together at the beach at night (49:15-56:20). In this scene under the moonlight on the beach, Chiron and Kevin share an intimate experience and were able to show each other their identities. The editing during this scene gives the watcher a mix of nature and touch.  Many people who are LGBTQ have trouble finding their identity growing up. I feel that his story is like many others especially for people of color. I feel that these people are less accepted by the public and family. 

“Boy’s Don’t Cry” and “Moonlight” share the struggles of finding your masculinity and self-expression. Although Brandon did not have to worry about race expression he did have to worry about gender expression like Chiron. Brandon Teena identified as a male but did not want to tell his new group of friends who treated him as one of their own. Brandon tries to conform to the social norms of how men are supposed to act and look. Specifically, Brandon changed how his body looked in order for it to look more masculine. He taped up his breasts and adds socks to his underwear (31:45-32:21).  Unfortunately, things are not allowed as we plan them. Brandon and Lana fall of each other and begin a romantic relationship. When Tom and John find out that Brandon is not biologically male they turn to extreme violence and torture. They exposed his female part to Lana and everyone as a form of torture then they brought him to an abandoned parking lot where they beat and raped him. This action was to disintegrate Brandon’s gender as a male and his identity (1:22:10-1:30:18). The way the visual elements were displayed the watcher really feels for Brandon and allows the watcher to think twice about how we treat people in the LGBTQ community.

“Brokeback Mountain” shared a powerful movie about lovers who did not take their chance for one another. This film showed the way nature will show someone’s true nature. Ennis and Jack worked together for the summer and formed an unexpected relationship. Neither man identified as LGBTQ when they both say that they are not “queer” but formed a love for the other man. They had a bond that they could not explain and that they have never felt before. Even four-plus years later they shared the same feel like the beginning of their relationship. In the end, Jack had died and when Ennis finds out he is completely heartbroken. They had talked about living together and starting a farm but never did because of the time and how the LGBTQ people were treated. Ennis recalls a story to Jack about his dad showing him what happened to a gay man who was beaten and mutilated (1:11:22-1:12:25). Ennis was shown by his father the consequences of being gay and what would happen if he were to be gay. Later when Jack had died his wife says that there was an accident when Jack was changing a tire. Although we see that Jack was a victim of a hate crime just like the man Ennis’s father showed him. Beaten and mutilated to death (1:53:02-1:55:13). I believe that the treatment that Jack went through is similar to Brandon in “Boy’s Don’t Cry.” Both men were killed by people who discriminated against people of the LGBTQ community and the people in it. They were killed as a hate crime to show a message. This way of presenting films shows the gruesome truth of how some LGBTQ are treated.

“Call Me By Your Name” shows a beautiful relationship between two men that blossoms over the summer in Italy.  Elio and Oliver both have trouble speaking up about their feelings. Elio is a young teenager and has not experienced love like how he feels for Oliver. Oliver is not sure that Elio likes him at all. Once they both knew about their feelings for one another they only had a number of days left (2:06:33-2:07:00). They had a very special relationship where they were they were closer than regular friends, more intimate than loves, and have a bond that will change their lives forever. These men were also not characterized as gay in the film. This movie is what I would think about when talking about a “queer” style. The way the characters are represented and the scenery made them seem “perfect”. This movie shows the perfect scenario even though they do not end up together. Their lives were pretty perfect and unattainable. I enjoyed the movie because of the story but in terms of realism, it does not feel like it. In the film, they shared a lot of passion. On their first night together the camera shows the bed they share and then moves outside onto the trees swaying in the summer night. All their passion is surrounded by nature.

 “Mysterious Skin” shows how sexual abuse at a young age can change a person drastically. The coach of a little league took advantage of at least two of his young players, Brian and Neil. Because the boys were so young and not able to really understand the extent of what had happened to them. Neil was abused for a whole summer and believed that his coach actually loved him and thought he was special. He says ”No one ever made me feel that way before or since. I was special.”... “Yeah, but he really loved me. I mean, there were other kids sometimes, but I was his prize.”(1:11:24-1:11:49) He believed that Coach loved him and what he felt during the abuse was the peak of love. I think his willingness to subject himself to abuse in his adult years shows how the abuse followed him. His coach was a father figure in his life and because of this, he grew the compulsion of pleasing older men. He had been “groomed” by his abuser. While Brian was abused by his coach twice but he “blacked out” both times and configures the story of being abducted by aliens. I believe that he came up with this story in order to protect his own mind. Unfortunately, his mind caught up with him and started showing him a different story. He needed answers but only could get them from Neil. I think that this story does not relate to the other films because of the molestation and different consequences.

I feel that many people learn about sexuality and gender from media and films. Films give people different perspectives and learn more about what people are feeling. Although it is good for the representation of the LGBTQ community in films, it is also important for the representation to be correct and accurate. Watching films in Hollywood can influence the minds of young people. More and more shows and movies include someone of the LGBTQ community. The inclusion of them allows more people to be educated.

[fallingin-like]

november 20

back to the start by @fuzzballsheltiepants​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

containing an injured!andrew who loses all of his recent memories, this fic is has heartbreak and healing. this fic has great pacing and flow, you don’t even notice that you’ve read 30k words until you’re done.

this is an absolutely amazing fic. you did such a great job writing the characters in a way that was in depth and stays really true to them. it was funny, serious, angsty, and fluffy in a way that tied everything together and made it really easy to read. i loved having the opportunity to see andrew fall in love with neil again and see neil really fight to protect andrew.

parts that i especially liked:

”andrew and neil had watched kevin’s interview the night before on exy night in america from andrew’s apartment. neil had spent the ten minutes grinning at kevin’s well-practiced persona while andrew drily commented what they both knew kevin was really thinking” this is so cute! there’s really nothing that brings people together more than making fun of kevin

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU INJURE ANDREW IN THAT WAY

andrew waking up so disoriented and confused and afraid is so heartbreaking. to be brought back to that terrible night, surrounded by strangers, in so much pain. i really cannot handle it, he’s already suffered so much in his life ;-;

ohmygoodness andrew sort of recognizing kevin? is this based on andrew having seen kevin before the club incident or because he’s actually recognizing kevin?

”’did they kill him?’ he asked dully.” ahhh i can feel andrew closing himself off, resigning himself for bad news

”he didn’t know why he was talking, he was revealing too much, he needed to stop but not as  much as he needed to know” i hate seeing andrew so distressed, to the point where he can’t contain himself

”he almost laughed, it was such a ridiculous idea that andrew’s perfect memory could be compromised, but dr. kupra’s face was serious.” oh no, what a terrible and ironic injury, for andrew to lose the memories that he likely actually wanted to keep

what in the world kevin, why would you not call nicky to get him to talk to andrew??

”that voice… it tickled something in his chest” AHH even without his memories, something within andrew recognizes neil, so soft

”and you need to understand that you can’t just start touching him when  he’s asleep” it’s so comforting to know that neil is around to protect andrew while he is extremely vulnerable.

it’s really not surprising that andrew has a panic attack, to learn that you’ve lost seven years of your life? i can’t even imagine how upsetting and scary it would be

ah yes, of course neil forgets to charge his phone

”like i’m worth something, like i matter” oh no i totally forgot that since andrew is back to his 17 year old self it means his mental health is probably a lot worse. oh my goodness 17 is so young! 

”it’s amazing how many words they can say to avoid telling you they don’t know” oh my goodness neil

ANDREW REMEMBERS SOME THINGS, I HAVE HOPE. and it seems like now neil does too!

to hear that they’ve had conversations with andrew that he can’t remember, that they’ve explained the situation to him multiple times already, it sounds hard for anyone, but andrew who is used to his eidetic memory? oof

”this felt more like he had read it in a book, like if he turned the page he would already know what was on the next one, but he couldn’t manage to turn the page. and the next page was important, of that he was sure” wow this description is so so good.

OH NO ANDREW THINKING NEIL AND KEVIN ARE TOGETHER and then “it didn’t seem such an unreasonable question to andrew… the alternative didn’t make sense. the alternative was impossible” ahhh this is so painful, at least neil is not around to hear this.

”that didn’t really surprise neil; he had suspected that andrew had been interested in kevin at some point” ooo i like this

neil talking to andrew’s coach oh my goodness he really can’t help himself. but also it’s his way of caring too, protecting andrew from everyone

ahh i love andrew falling for neil again. “aggression of an eight-pound terrier” THIS IS SO TRUE. picking fights, but too small to actually fight them

”neil was reading on his phone and andrew watched him through his lashes until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore” this is so so sweet, i love being able to see things from andrew’s perspective, he hides so much from the outside that i am always interested in what he’s thinking

”he wouldn’t be the first who thought andrew could be ‘healed,’ whatever that meant.” the thing i like about their relationship is that i think that neil doesn’t think andrew ‘could be healed’. i think neil thinks that andrew doesn’t need healing. that bad things happened to andrew and yes, these things changed him, they shaped him to be the person he is now, but they don’t mean he is broken. uhh i don’t know how to say the words i am thinking. BASICALLY, NEIL DOESN’T THINK ANDREW NEEDS TO CHANGE. HE LIKES (LOVES) HIM AS HE IS

”... but he could still taste his old grief and guilt and fury” ANDREW FEELING GUILT SO MUCH GROWTH

”nicky had been there; he could call nicky, and find out what - who - had broken neil so badly” ahhhhhh i love this!!!

ohmygoodness, all the things that neil is remembering. i love it so much

ugh i want neil to go off on all the people trying to pin down andrew, but at the same time, i guess they had a somewhat reasonable reason for doing what did. BUT STILL THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. andrew has been through so much!!!!

i love these moments of andrew finding out what happened to neil. we get to see his genuine reactions, even what he’s feeling, not just what he’s emoting (which i’m sure is not much). it’s a little different, because although he still feels this emotional connection to neil, he doesn’t understand why, but his reactions are so pure and unfiltered. i love it

”it’s who i am, it’s not something i can forget” I LOVE THIS LINE and i love love love nicky’s reaction. 

ugh, neil fighting to protect andrew is just *clenches fist* so good

okay i love neil, but woah. when he thinks of how lucky he is to have andrew and the first thing that comes up is andREW BREAKING RIKO’S ARM. LOL what a legend

ohmygoodness i forgot that neil is still in school. i really cannot believe that he is able to balance everything, like it’s just so wild to me.

i’m so glad that neil has matt. he has andrew yes, but matt is just a good friend, something that neil has never really had. someone that is openly affectionate and talkative enough to balance neil’s anti-social personality. someone he can go through during these tough times when andrew is not around

NEIL JOSTEN CERTIFIED HOTTIE HAHAH

oh, hearing andrew’s perspective of millport is so good, so interesting

ANDREW ASKING WHICH SCARS ARE FROM HIM ACTUALLY BREAKS MY HEART. nonononono

NEIL ROASTING THE REPORTER IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. but also i’m pretty mad that this guy was able to get into the hospital and approach neil like this. people are so rude and have no sense of privacy somethings UGH

”neil was a trouble magnet. andrew didn’t remember too many specifics, but he knew it with a bone deep certainty” hah

oh, the way that you wrote andrew regaining his memories about riko and drake and maybe easthaven. it’s so impactful seeing it from neil’s perspective. “he watched as that bomb hit, the slow motion ripple effect it had as memories resurface and deductions were made.” your descriptions are so good

the contrast between the texts from the foxes and neil trying to deal with andrew remembering is amazing

it’s so interesting to me the way that the sense of distance between neil and andrew are for different reasons. neil is being so careful not to cross andrew’s boundaries because he doesn’t know what andrew’s okay with, etc. and andrew is still learning about the relationship that he previously shared with neil and doesn’t know where they were at with that, doesn’t know what past him did

oo i love twinyard moments, the bonding. “i didn’t forget you” AHHH i like that they’re so civil now, aaron is probably less stressed (now that he’s not trying to balance school, exy, and the MAFIA) and has matured, he doesn’t repress as much of his emotions maybe. he cares about andrew and both lets himself care about him and allows himself to show it, even if it’s in small ways

so much growth/development to see that neil turns to betsy and actually calls her!! she knows so much about their history, i’d be interested in what kind of relationship neil had with her after their first year

”didn’t know how to tell him that he remembered other things - remembered bits and pieces of meals and drives and games and shared cigarettes on the roof, the weight of neil’s mouth on his own and the feel of his skin, the sound of his hitches of breath. because none of that felt real” THIS IS SO GOOD BUT ALSO HURTS. NEIL IS A PIPE DREAM BUT ANDREW DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE’S ALSO A REALITY TOO

”then neil came out of the bathroom and andrew decided maybe he didn’t hate the girlfriend after all. not if she’d picked out those clothes.” ohmygoodness andrew

”four years. four years since andrew had been nearly torn apart by terror. four years since he had felt that anguished need that seemed so fresh in his memory. and yet neil was still here” THIS IS SO GOOD AHHH

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THAT BY SAYING NEIL CAN’T HELP DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS TO NEIL ALSO “everyone but andrew, whose glam intensified” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND THEN NEIL SAYING “do you think if andrew cared he wouldn’t let them kick me out in the first place?” AHHHH

oh okay you have redeemed yourself by having aaron and andrew BOTH agree with neil. “look, i might have head trauma but i’m not an idiot” LOL

”andrew wasn’t sure why his stomach clenched, why his fingers dug into the blanket” HHHH HURTS

AARON YELLING WRONG MINYARD YES

oh! so cute to have bonding between andrew, neil, katelyn, and aaron!!

oHH no i forgot that people might hold andrew’s sexuality against him and that makes me so mad

”aaron said mildly ‘out of all the men in this world, why did you have to end up with one who’s too stupid to feed himself?’” LOL

”it would only be a week tomorrow, but it felt like he had always been here, that the rest of his life had been something he’d seen in a movie or read in a book. like this was the only part that was real” oh oh oh. this is so sad, but also it makes so much sense. “it was always like that, though” OH. this, and the rest of the paragraph is so interesting. i love the way that you explain it. and the end of this chapter is so good. it really sets us up for the last chapter and leaves me aching for resolution. for andrew to realise he can and does have this. that it’s real and won’t be taken away from him

i’m a little bit confused about the whole discussion about sexuality and mental illness. why did katelyn misunderstand and what was she thinking? i think i’m just missing something here LOL

”the way andrew hesitated before he nodded meant no, but neil wasn’t going to push him” ugh it’s so good to know that neil can read andrew so well, can tell what he’s not saying, but knows when to push and when to back off.

NO SELF-CONSCIOUS NEIL IS SO SAD

”aaron refusing to sign anything, turning it all over to andrew and neil” aaron is such a complicated character, we don’t get to see him fully explored in the books and i love the way that you used this fic as an opportunity to do so. he cares, but in his own way. even though they have disagreements, at the end of the day, he wants what is best for andrew and i really liked how you portrayed him and throughout this fic.

WHY IS ANDREW SINGING WITHOUT KNOWING

ANDREW KISSING NEIL AND THEN GIVING THE PAPARAZZI THE MIDDLE FINGER IS THE BEST THING

i love that you have parts of this fic from andrew’s perspective. it’s so so interesting to see his honest reactions to memories and people and to experience his introspection. and it’s not super obvious, but i love that with perspective shifts, we also see your writing style adjust to reflect that. you handled this whole fic so well, there was a great balance between humour, softness, and angst that made me really enjoy reading this. 

you did such a good job with the characterization, it was so wonderful seeing andrew rebuild his relationships and fall for neil again, the interactions between everyone (including your OCs). i appreciate that, although andrew and neil have kind of re-established their relationship (they both know that they like each other and are comfortable with each other), there’s still some sort of distance. things are still a little bit off and they still have work to do to continue to learn each other. it keeps things realistic and, for some reason, brings me closure. this is such a significant event for both of them and things are different because of that and i’m glad you didn’t ignore that aspect of it. this was just such a wonderful fic, thank you so much for writing it!!

#back to the start #aftg fic review #raelle writes

[markonasurface]

4/50 - “We’re designed to be disposable.”

Fandom: All for the Game Characters/pairings: Neil, Andrew, Kevin, Jack, Dan, other Foxes/andreil, Kevineil friendship Summary: At a mandatory team bonding time night, Kevin remembers something from the first time he met Neil. A/N: I started classes this week and haven’t been able to write anything new. I wrote this so long ago. Parts of it might be a little redundant. Also, dramatized.

Dan designated two nights a month as mandatory team bonding time. The upperclassmen (as they still referred to Dan, Matt, Renee and Allison even though technically everyone on the team from the year before except for Neil were upperclassmen), the monsters (as mostly only Allison still referred to Andrew’s group unless the others were annoyed with one of them), and the freshmen switched off hosting the M.T.B.T. nights.

When the monsters hosted, it was almost a guarantee the others were just allowed to tag along to Columbia for Sweetie’s and Eden’s Twilight. It was hit or miss if Andrew allowed them back to the cousins’ house to crash. The nights he let the freshmen over Kevin slept on the floor in Andrew’s room.

When the upperclassmen hosted, they went out for team dinners and watched movies in Matt, Aaron, and Nicky’s room. Occasionally they planned bowling.

The freshmen were split. Some of them tried to get along with the older members of their team but Jack and Sheena went out of their way to make anyone uncomfortable. Dan scolded them when one of their movie choices sent one of their freshmen dealers into a triggered panic attack. The next week at practice she sent them on extra laps.

“Are you sure the movie is appropriate?” Dan demanded, holding the movie case in one hand and staring at Jack.

He looked mock offended. “Tomorrow is Halloween. How much more appropriate can you get than a gory horror movie?”

She looked unconvinced so he added, “It’s in another language so how bad can it really be?”

“What language?”

“Korean or something.” He was already taking the case back and moved to put the disc in the player.

“It’s Japanese,” Kevin corrected even though he suspected Jack already knew.

He waved him off but Dan waited for Kevin to meet her eyes. She tilted her head, questioning, and Kevin shrugged before going to take a seat on Neil’s left.

Neil hated movies and usually tuned them out or watched half-heartedly. He especially didn’t care to read subtitles.

He noticed Dan and Matt occasionally glancing around at their teammates, probably trying to make sure everyone was okay. Neil slanted a look toward Kevin and saw that he was looking more unhappy the longer the movie played.

He was about to nudge him when he felt Renee go rigid on the couch behind him. He quickly turned his attention to the screen and stiffened as the villain selected a sharp knife and dragged it slowly down his captive’s face from his temple to the corner of his mouth.

Neil’s cuts had healed months ago but he felt his scars burning on his cheek like it was fresh. Under the blanket, Andrew’s hand on his thigh coaxed him from his memories and he leaned his head back with his eyes closed, trying to focus on the feel of fingers squeezing his leg.

Kevin gasped and Neil turned to look at him. Under his breath, he spoke in Japanese. He looked up at Neil, eyes wide and said in French, “We’re designed to be disposable.”

Neil jerked, knocking the open bottle from Andrew’s hand to spill in Nicky’s lap.

“What the hell?” He stood up and whiskey dripped off his sweatpants.

Andrew cut a sharp look at Neil but Neil was looking at the screen now. The villain had an axe and swung it a few times to sever the limb of his captive. The others were murmuring around them but Neil and Kevin’s eyes were glued to the TV.

The subtitles were of course in English, the only language they all could understand, but Neil murmured them in French. He heard his name being called but it was distant.

Suddenly a hand blocked his view and he realized Andrew had moved so he could reach Kevin as well. The room went silent as Dan turned off the TV.

“Let’s go.” Andrew said. He spoke a little louder, “Neil. Kevin.”

He grabbed both of their arms and pulled them to their feet. He stepped between them and turned to give them both shoves toward the door.

“Leaving so soon?” Jack asked, an ugly smirk twisting his mouth.

Andrew pushed Nicky and Aaron, who had gotten up to follow, out of his way and grabbed the front of Jack’s shirt pulling him halfway up between standing and sitting on the couch. Jack’s smile faltered but he met Andrew’s gaze.

“Try something like that again, asshole.” It was more of a warning than a dare and hopefully Jack was smart enough to know that.

Andrew let go and the rest of his group took that as their cue to leave. They heard the beginning of a lecture from Dan before the door was shut.

“Neil?”

He pulled away from Nicky, not wanting to be touched right now. They waited for Andrew to unlock their door and filed in. The last person in locked the door and they settled around the living room.

Neil stayed by the door, wall at his back so he could see the rest of the room, needing the comfort of an old habit.

“What happened?” Nicky looked from Neil to Kevin.

Neil met Kevin’s eyes and Kevin nodded. He swallowed. “When I was twelve, I met Nathaniel -”

He paused when Neil flinched at his birth name. Andrew frowned. “Don’t call him that.”

“Sorry, you guys know the first time we met he was auditioning for his life.” The others nodded but Kevin kept his eyes on Neil, staring straight through him like he could picture the scene from a decade ago. “After, the Master sent for us and we were taken up in one of the towers at Evermore. They made us watch -”

After a moment of silence, Nicky realized Kevin was having a hard time finishing and demanded, “Made you watch what?”

Neil forced a neutral expression on his face and said, “Made us watch the Butcher take a man apart piece by piece.”

“You both freaked out before the guy got his arm cut off in the movie,” Aaron pointed out.

“The man Nath - Neil - the Butcher was taking apart was French,” Kevin found his voice again. “He only said one thing when the Butcher threatened him.”

“Nous sommes conçus pour être jetables.”

Kevin’s face paled and Neil felt his stomach turn. He translated for Neil so the others could understand, “We’re designed to be disposable.”

“Neither of you would’ve spoken French then and the movie is in Japanese.” Aaron was getting impatient.

Andrew looked at Aaron, curious. “You think they’re lying?”

“No,” Aaron was unbothered. “I just want them to hurry up and explain how the movie triggered them.”

“Don’t you ever translate things in your head to German or from German to English?” Nicky questioned.

“That’s different,” Aaron crossed his arms over his chest. “English is my first language. It’s all of our first language. It’s strange he would translate it automatically to French. It’s not even his second language; it’s his third.”

Neil cut in. “When I left Castle Evermore last year, I was surprised when I called Coach that he spoke to me in English. No one was allowed to speak in a language Riko couldn’t understand but most days it was the only way Jean could remind me where I was. Whenever Riko wasn’t around we spoke in French.”

Aaron didn’t look like he fully understood but he moved on. “How did you remember that’s what the man said though?”

An uncomfortable look passed over Kevin’s face and he at last looked away from Neil. “I don’t know. I-I, uh, it was the only thing he said. I had nightmares for years after that and I guess - I don’t know.”

“Your brain put the pieces together,” Andrew stated.

“Makes sense,” Nicky accepted. “Trauma can do that to you I guess. Neil?”

His response was automatic. “It was the last thing I asked my - him. Before my mom and I ran.”

“He spoke French, too?”

“No, there was a translator.” Kevin looked back at Neil.

“Your creepy shared flashbacks are creeping me out,” Nicky said and gave an exaggerated shudder.

Aaron looked around at all of them. “How’d Jack know?”

There was a knock on their door. Even though Neil was right there, he didn’t move to open it. Nicky got up from the floor and looked through the peephole. He opened the door to let Dan and Matt into the room.

“How’s Renee?” Neil asked because he knew Andrew wouldn’t.

Dan and Matt exchanged confused looks and Matt told him, “She’s fine. She’s with Allison.”

“We came to see how you two were,” Dan informed them even though it was obvious.

Kevin was back to staring vacantly at Neil but Neil answered, “We’re fine.”

“Can we ask what happened?” Her tone was cautious.

Nicky looked between the two men’s faces and Neil shrugged. “They were reminded of the day they met.”

“Meaning?” Matt urged them to elaborate.

“Meaning they watched Neil’s - the Butcher cut a French man into pieces.” Nicky said.

Curiosity got the better of Aaron and he took a break from ignoring the upperclassmen to ask, “How did Jack and Sheena know what he said?”

“Hm?”

“The French man only said one thing the entire time Kevin and Neil were in the room and Kevin didn’t even realize he remembered until watching the stupid movie tonight so how did they know it would set him off? The only people who would know that are part of the Moriyama’s circle.”

Nicky jumped in with a question of his own. “And why would Jack target Kevin? He worships him.”

“He was probably just trying to get to Neil,” Dan reasoned.

“The movie was in Japanese.” Neil couldn’t make sense of it all.

Andrew stood up then and went out the door.

“Where are you going?” Dan called after him. They all went out into the hall and watched him pound on the freshmen boys’ door.

He took a step back and waited. One of the boys called over his shoulder, “I think someone’s here to see you, Jack.”

Jack swaggered over to the door. “Can I help you?”

As soon as he was close enough, Andrew pulled him into the hallway and slammed him against the wall. “What’re you doing?” Andrew asked him as the rest of the freshmen rushed to the door.

Jack opened his mouth to answer but only a choked sound came out when his eyes fell from Andrew’s face. “The truth.”

“Andrew, stop,” Sheena begged.

“I was just having some fun,” Jack stuttered. He winced and said, “Stop. Please.”

“I said ‘the truth,’” Andrew reminded him.

Sheena looked wildly around until she spotted Neil. “Stop him. He’s going to kill him!”

The only thing Neil was worried about was drawing a crowd. If Jack was hiding something, Neil and Kevin wanted him dead. “Shut up,” he told Sheena.

Dan stepped forward as a bedroom door opened. “Andrew, let’s take this inside.” She looked behind her and was relieved to see it was only Renee and Allison.

“Please!” Sheena cried and Neil hissed, “Shut. Up.”

The freshmen tripped over themselves when Andrew shoved Jack toward them. Once again the entire team crowded into the freshmen’s suite. Andrew quickly pinned Jack to the wall again and held the knife to his chest.

“How’d you know that phrase would get to Kevin?” Andrew always spoke calmly.

“Kevin - what?” Jack sought Kevin’s face out.

Andrew put pressure on the knife in his hand and Jack squirmed. “The only people that know were in the room that day and at least three of them are already dead. Who told you?”

“I wasn’t trying to get to Kevin!”

“The film was in Japanese,” Andrew reminded him.

“Please!”

“I hate that word.”

Everybody jumped when there was a loud knock on the door. “It’s me,” Wymack called. “Open the god damn door right now or your fucking M.T.B.T nights will be spent running marathons.”

Allison let him in and shut the door behind him.

“What the hell is going on in here?” he demanded. “Andrew?”

Andrew ignored Wymack and said, “Look at me, Jack. If you weren’t trying to get to Kevin, tell me why you chose a movie only he could understand.”

“There were English subtitles!” Sheena screamed and Nicky tried to shush her. “We could all understand!”

“Next time you speak out of turn I will put this knife through his hand. Final warning.”

“I swear! I swear!” Jack honestly looked frightened. “I chose a foreign language movie because I knew Dan was more likely to allow it. It was just a coincidence that it was Japanese and it was just a coincidence that whatever was said reminded Kevin of whatever it did, okay? I swear! I promise -”

Andrew tsked and said, “I take promises very seriously.”

“We were trying to get Neil to freak out! It’s true! If we had finished the movie you would’ve seen. He uses a dull axe to torture his last victim. He cuts off his body parts.” Andrew applied slightly more pressure and Jack said, “It’s not a secret that Neil’s father used a dull axe to torture people as he killed them! I bet everyone in this room has read the reports about how his uncle came just in time before Neil’s father used it on him.”

“Don’t call him that,” Andrew said but let Jack go. Jack slid down the wall and a couple of the freshmen rushed to his side.

Wymack eyed them all. “Freshmen, pack your bags. You’re staying with Abby for a few days. She’s waiting downstairs. Go.” He turned to his older Foxes. “Do I need to separate your two groups as well?”

Dan shook her head. “No, Coach.”

“Go wait for me in Andrew’s room.”

Andrew stretched his arms above his head and said, “Yawn. I’m very sleepy. Time for bed.”

“Don’t you dare,” he grabbed Andrew’s sleeve on his way past. “I will be there in a few minutes. All the usual threats apply.”

“Oh, Coach,” Andrew pulled out of his grip. “You know only Kevin and Neil care.”

Wymack didn’t say that that was enough for Andrew; he didn’t need to. He let them leave.

Because I saw this post and all I could think of was tfc/aftg. Tbh it’s all I think about these days.

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and

#aftg #tfc #andreil #kevineil #tfc fic #Palmetto State Foxes

[fallingin-like]

november 12

peu à peu by @zombiesolace​ [requested by @jsteneil]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a really interesting character study on post-canon kevin and how he finds his place within the foxes and deals with the aftermath of the events within the series. this fic has a lot of introspection and does a really great job of unpacking everything.

this is such an intriguing fic to me, i don’t see that many that really delve into kevin and his thoughts. i can’t imagine how difficult of a time he must have, both throughout the series and during post-canon events. this fic really made me better appreciate the struggles that he goes through because it’s really common to have his actions portrayed without any of this explanation or why he acts in certain ways. we always see his single-mindedness with respect to exy and just kind of write it off as kevin being kevin. i think you effectively explored his character and inner thoughts.

some parts that stood out to me:

“it goes like this: they lose.” uhm somehow you were able to break my heart in the first two lines of the fic? i love the simplicity of the way you worded this, it contrasts really well with the significance of what it means, for the foxes, but especially for kevin.

kevin yelling at the team after the loss feels very in character. it reminds me of what he was apparently like when coaching the foxes prior to playing, and we see a little bit of it in the books themselves. it really comes down to the fact that kevin is desperate. for a lot of the foxes, the loss stings, but at the end of the day it’s just a loss. the criticism is harsh and they don’t understand why kevin is so hard on them. to kevin, it’s his life. not just because of the fact that he’s definitely trying to go pro and have exy as his career and not just because the moriyamas are definitely watching over him, but because that’s how he was raised as a child. kevin’s terrible childhood is somewhat overshadowed by the rest of the foxes, but he likely still has trauma from how he was raised in the nest, under the master and riko. so much pressure that it feels natural that he wants to try and regain control in some way.

”they’re a team, they fall together. and yet after each game this year, kevin has found himself falling apart alone. biting shame and swallowing frustration as he tears into each overanalyzed mistake” i find in life it’s so easy to isolate yourself from the people around you. the foxes probably find it hard to be sympathetic towards kevin, but they probably don’t realise that as harsh as he is to them, he is exponentially more critical of himself. in your own head, mistakes can be an unending loop, constant and distracting. this fic is really opening my eyes to what kevin is dealing with and appreciating him so much more.

”their win last year was a fluke. a gift given to them by virtue of the trojans. a simply byproduct of the hardiness of the foxes and the instability of riko’s collapsing domain.” ohmygoodness nooo it’s always so hard for me as an outsider to see kevin (and really anyone) struggle with the imposter syndrome. so many people (including many talented fanfic authors!!) write off their talent, skill, and hard work as fluke or luck as opposed to the many hours spent bettering themselves and practicing.

”it is with an overwhelming sense of dread that kevin thinks of his death. with each day the reality of riko’s loss feels more sure… kevin wishes riko’s ghost had followed. he wishes riko were still alive. he wishes he were alone, he wishes he weren’t.” wow i love the way you wrote this, with his conflicting thoughts. since we experienced the series through neil’s pov, riko’s death feels more like victory and less like a loss. it’s something to be celebrated. but i think it can almost be seen as similar to mary’s death, which neil mourned. both characters were abusive and did things that were wrong. and yet, they were loved. whether we like it or not, riko was kevin’s family and though their relationship was twisted and manipulated, especially as they grew older, riko was the person that kevin was closest to. emotions are so complicated and i bet kevin feels like he can’t discuss this with the other foxes, who don’t quite understand.

”he knows that his commentary is far more nuanced by virtue of being a fox. kevin takes the out and opens the folder he has on the roadrunners.” this is kind of small, but i find it has some significance. it can be so easy to do the thing that you know is self destructive and get caught in a rabbit hole of pages and articles of bad. good on kevin for not doing that.

”the name wymack clings to his tongue. coach sits temptingly at the back of his palette. my dad, his mind whispers, the words clear and intrusive.” ugH it must be so so hard for kevin to work through this. i love these lines.

”andrew pokes his head out of the bedroom. he stares blankly at kevin, his hair mussed… he leaves the door partially ajar. kevin feels something in his chest loosen.” oo i really really liked this part. andrew has his own unique way of showing that he cares and i love seeing the small things that he does.

the whole conversation between dan and kevin is so interesting. the actual information that you’re sharing about exy and the way that they interact. i think you did a great job of showing a realistic back and forth.

”riko was always right there. kevin never had to call him.” these two sentences, and actually that whole section is really just so heartbreaking. you do a great job of making me understand kevin, something i haven’t really done so before.

”that’s not true. he does know. he enjoys having the ability to express his opinion. it’s a novelty he’s still getting used to.” oh, kevin.

”kevin can’t see any of the foxes. they disappeared into the store moments upon arrival and three out of the four are too short to be seen over the aisles.” lol what a mood (i am short)

kevin’s interaction with the fans is so interesting. i wonder if he often dealt with actually meeting fans during his time as a raven. it’s also really interesting to see neil from this point of view, he almost seems… unfamiliar? but not in a bad way. it kind of really brings us into the perspective of kevin.

abby-kevin relationship is so nice. i think it’s great that kevin has a maternal figure that he can find comfort in

the section on kayleigh is just so so sad. it makes me feel grief for someone i never knew. it aches knowing that she was such a wonderful woman, that kevin had her and now he doesn’t.

”’wooo!’ nicky shouts, ‘now that was a wake up call i didn’t need.’” ohmygoodness i love the way that you write nicky! it really lightens the fic a bit more.

honestly the bit about jean being waterboarded is horrifying to me. 

i like that wymack took kevin to riko’s funeral. there’s a sense of closure that has to do with it, kevin being with his real family while saying goodbye to what used to be his family

”he doesn’t recall riko breaking his had. he remembers before, and he remembers after but he doesn’t remember the moment his life changed.” i really appreciate the formatting you used with this, the line separating the first sentence, the way that you broke up the second sentence into two lines. it feels more impactful, more significant.

”he can see nicky and aaron showing off their most ridiculous dance moves in the corner for one another” oh my goodness this is amazing

“he wonders if they’ll call him an ex-fox when he graduates or if he’ll always be labeled an ex-raven. the nest had a quiet energy that fox tower doesn’t.” oh oh i like this a lot

also i like how you broke up the texts with paragraphs of kevin’s thoughts. it shows the gaps between his texts more and i feel his loneliness more keenly. the double-texting with the periods between reminds me of when i am at my loneliest

i love kevin’s conversation with jeremy. he’s known as one of the nicest, brightest characters in the series, but we really see why. how he is able to relax kevin and just speak to him.

your explanation of kevin choosing history as his major is so insightful, i’ve never really considered it, but now i wish i had

”i want andrew to enjoy himself. he does it rarely, kevin, you’re aware of that” renne is just so great.

the part about kevin using twitter, especially as a way to try and connect with thea is so interesting to me.

”’does he know you’re better than he is?’ she’d whispered in his ear” I LOVE THIS LINE what a turning point in kevin’s journey

ahh the part about nicky telling andrew about the conspiracy station, it’s so nice to see the way they are bonding like his

andrew is such a complicated character, i absolutely adore the way that you write him. a lot of the time i read a softer side of him, through the perspective of neil. kevin and andrew have a fascinating relationship, i love seeing it from kevin. “he gives kevin a thumbs up”, “i hear you, andrew says” these are so perfect

wymack giving kevin an extra jacket is peak dad behaviour.

recently i’ve been so fond of seeing authors incorporate the title of their fic into the writing. this is no different, it makes the title have that much more meaning “little by little, the bird builds his nest” i love this. how did you come across this quote? it’s so fitting for this fic

the dynamic between dan, wymack, and kevin is so so interesting. wymack and kevin are so similar that sometimes i guess it causes a distance because they’re not the best at communication. and it must be hard. they’re related, but still have so much to learn about each other. i guess i’ve never though much of how close dan and wymack are. you do a really good job at capturing the tension that exists, the interactions.

”he thinks a lot of people would rather he never spoke again” oh no this hit me hard

the little part where kevin and dan are talking about neil’s shot, i like this little bonding that we see. exy is the thing that has brought them together

”’you’ll make a good wymack,’ he says. dan jerks back, her mouth open, and her eyes stunned.” oh this is so nice

”he wants to say he’s my dad, but he’s hers too; hers more so and that’s dan’s point. what would he know? ‘he saved me too,’ he says instead” oh my goodness i love this so much

sorry but neil and kevin teaming up and nicky and aaron teaming up so that andrew loses is the best part of this fic and anyone that believes otherwise can fight me!!! “when they arrive in columbia andrew makes an aborted move like he will shut neil out of their room and it’s the first time kevin hears something like a laugh from neil.” this is so soft i needed this

go thea!!! thank you for making her so amazing in this fic!!! i like how you write their relationship, it’s refreshing and really interesting, we don’t know that much about thea

THEA TAKING OFF HER NECKLACE WHEN KEVIN CHANGES HIS TATTOO THIS IS THE BEST

there’s so much that you covered in this fic. kevin’s relationship with exy, riko, the rest of the foxes, wymack. i love the way that you worked through everything. the gradual improvement of the foxes following with kevin’s mental health improving. but we can really see how far he has come when they lose and he’s okay with it. you made me feel so close to kevin. your writing is wonderful, so many little details that just build to make this fic amazing. thank you so much for writing this!

#peu à peu #aftg fic review #raelle writes