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lesbian-disaster-academic · 3 months

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Since there's been some discussion of this on a prior post I made, let's address

Neurodivergent Skill-Regression: What is it & Why Does it Happen?

Content Warning! This post will make brief mention of various topics, including: childhood abuse (not explicit), depression, suicidal ideation, car accidents, the COVID-19 pandemic, and throwing up.

Okay, let's begin with a quick preface. I'm writing from the Global North, in a capitalist economy, and in a country founded on (ongoing!) systems of colonialism. Therefore, that's how I'll be situating this discussion (just because it's what I know best). Neurodivergence and Capitalist Exploitation Under capitalism, productivity and extraction in the name of profit become of the utmost importance. Extraction can take place in the form of extracting physical resources (think fracking on Turtle Island), extracting labour, etc. Ultimately, neurodivergence itself is not an ill-formed or "bad" mind. It is only conceptualized and coded as such because capitalism and various other interlocking systems of oppression are actively hostile to minds that, in some way, subvert capitalist and colonial ideals. (however, this is not to negate, invalidate, or trivialize the fact that adhd/asd/ocd/bpd/etc. are disabilities. by their very nature, they impede and disrupt functioning. what is considered "functional", however, is determined by this capitalist/colonialist state and the things it values. this is all simply to say that we would be able to more easily exist and thrive within a society that doesn't reward self-destruction in the name of accumulating capital for the upper class) Of course, living in a system that is not built for you is going to be exhausting—it takes a toll on you, both physically and mentally. This can be further compounded if you are marginalized in other ways; for instance, if you're a person of colour, working class, a woman, 2SLGBTQ+, an immigrant, or a combination of these.

Masking and Burnout Many neurodivergent folx are forced into positions in which they have to mask. For the sake of clarity, "masking", in this case, involves concealing one's neurodivergent traits. For me, that might look like suppressing compulsions, consciously regulating my facial expressions, working longer and harder to accomplish tasks because I can't focus, or scripting conversations before I have them. These manifestations are often invisible to outsiders, but they take a heavy toll on us, and can often result in neurodivergent burnout. This is where the skill-regression comes in. An Example... Let me give you a personal example of what neurodivergent skill-regression can look like! Prior to the pandemic, I was a highly productive person. I was designated "gifted" (whatever that means) and was top of my class in every single class. I was participating in (and running) multiple clubs, working a steady job, volunteering within the community, and learning new instruments and languages. I was a skilled pianist and painter, and also very athletic. From the outside looking in, I appeared successful: I had a massive scholarship lined up at the most prestigious university in the country. I was generally well-liked. I was creative and skilled in both the humanities and STEM (mostly humanities lol), etcetera etcetera. But I was in no way okay. I was incredibly depressed and suicidal. I had multiple undiagnosed anxiety disorders and neurodivergencies. I was experiencing relentless abuse at home. I was throwing up every few days out of pure fear and stress. I was constantly sick, crying (in secret, and then later too numb to cry), overwhelmed, exhausted, and apathetic. And yet I refused to stop pushing my body and mind to their limit because I had this ingrained belief surrounding my productivity—if I slowed down, would I be worth anything? At the time, to my mind, the answer was a staunch no (even though I didn't apply this thinking to anyone but myself lol). So I repressed everything. I pushed it all to the side and kept moving forward. To put it in perspective, I got hit by a truck at one point, but I was so scared of being late to a thing and disappointing my parents that I just apologized and kept going. This kind of behaviour went on for close to a decade. And then the pandemic hit. And I was forced to stop. I was made to (by virtue of my relative privilege) take a moment to sit down, look around, and actually feel things. And it hit me like a ton of bricks: All the weight of the anger and fear and everything that I had been repressing for the sake of survival came RUSHING in. Now? You want to know what I'm like now? I am very burnt out and incredibly unproductive. I have the attention span of a gnat. Where I used to be able push through exhaustion or else tamp it down with consistently high levels of adrenaline, I now almost ALWAYS feel tired, to the point where I have to lay down. I used to be able to toss together an essay in the span of a couple hours. And, yes, while I can still put an essay together quickly, it’s not going to necessarily be good. Likewise, where I used to be able to mask my neurodivergent traits, I'm now hyperaware of how exhausting it all is, which makes it more difficult to appear neurotypical in public.

The thing is, when you have something like adhd as well as an anxiety disorder, the anxiety can pretty effectively mask the adhd. But once I started medication and more intense therapy, I got a hold on my anxiety and alllll of my coping mechanisms fell away. I no longer had that constant, vibrating fear to force me to maintain attention, and push myself to the breaking point.

It’s like not aging for 80 years and then suddenly having decades collapse into you in the span of moments. So Where Does This Leave Us? Okay, that was a loooong tangent, sorry. Returning to the original point. As the infinitely cool and talented @revenantscholar mentioned in a previous post of mine, when you exist in an unsafe environment (or one which is generally not built with you in mind), it's difficult to hold onto the skills you once had. Your body goes into survival mode and prioritizes keeping you alive. Once you have returned to a space where you can unmask and be physically/emotionally/mentally SAFE, you have the capacity to relearn some of those skills. Not all of them, necessarily, and not all at once. But these things do return—and even if they don't (listen to me, this is important), that doesn't make you stupid/bad/worthless. You are living in a world that is not built for people like you and I, and it sucks, and it's painful and scary, and we will continue to fight for a better future. In the meantime, it's important to remember that you are worthy of care, compassion, empathy, and support regardless of what you can contribute/do. You are incredibly important and I'm so glad you're here. (Thank you for listening. I'm drawing on my human rights knowledge from my degree, and also my own personal experience. However, feel free to correct me or ask any questions you might have! I'm also happy to provide resources/citations if needed. Now go drink water and rest if you need to! Ily!)

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the-bjd-community-confess · 18 days

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Just a silly thought if anyone is open to sharing…

For the neurodivergent doll folx,

If dolls/bjd are your special interest, do you have another main special interest? Or if they’re not, what is your special interest?

I’d just be interested to see if anyone wanted to share.

I have two main special interests: dolls (mainly bjds) and CATS the Musical (pretty much everything about it, but specifically the 1998 version and all the shade to the 2019 version… like wtf)

I love these two things so much and obsess over them so much that on several occasions I’ve tried to plan making a bjd interpretation of my favorite CATS characters, but I don’t know how to do them justice and not bankrupt myself.

For anyone willing to answer: do your special interests overlap? How long have you had these special interests?

CATS was my very first special interest as I was introduced to it when I was 6 years old. Dolls came later and it started with baby dolls, then Barbies, and then I took a long break before getting into collectible dolls and inevitably bjds which completely consumed me lol in my 20’s. Bjds were what took it into special interest territory for me because before that it was just like a strong fascination, but once I learned what bjds were, I needed to know everything and it became something I had to consume all the time.

Every night now I fall asleep looking at CATS 1998 playing on my phone and right behind that is my massive collection of dolls and it feels right.

And not that anyone has to share this, but for reference I’m ADHD with extremely high likelihood of having Autism (I just can’t afford the testing, but it runs in my immediate family).

These are two things that bring me great joy, so it’d be fun to know what other people fixate on lol

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #Pos #Other Hobbies #Neurodivergency

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misscammiedawn · 1 year

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To add in to the recent discussion of Goncharov and Unreality, I want to take a moment and focus on how these concepts interact with the hypnosis community.

I will make quick note that this post may contain themes of psychological abuse (both intended and unintended) and hopefully acts as a bit of a learning tool.

If you are playing with hypnosis or thinking about playing with hypnosis... do take into consideration the lingering impacts of what extended play will do to the mind. I have seen it said in some circles that hypnosis is edge play and though I do not believe that myself, I have experienced the very kind of impact that could cause one to believe it. I have had my morality, boundaries, sense of self and grip on reality tested, altered and broken in the past. In ways I, fool that I was, believed at the time to be consensual.

I wouldn't wish my history on anyone.

Which is why I want to make note of something. Hypnosis can change a person's perception and mess with their ability to differentiate between real and fantasy. Between self and imposed. I feel like the majority of people working within the space understand that, but it's important to note. If you make someone see fireflies when they feel someone's hand stroking along their forearm, you NEED to ground that suggestion with "you'll know that they are a product of this hypnotic suggestion" you can even add some conditioning in there, "and knowing will prove just how deeply you surrender to me, knowing that it is a product of hypnosis will only further cement how captivating those glowing fireflies are and how mesmerizing it can be to look at them."

But you've GOT to add that awareness of reality in to every suggestion. Package hallucinations in fantasy, twist a person's mind and bend reality until hypnotee surrenders it completely and hypnotist controls it entirely. Do so. Eagerly. Wantonly. With bliss and blessing. But ALWAYS make sure that before and after a session a person has a grip on their reality. Because even the small things will take a toll on a mind.

I only have the perspective of a mildly psychotic insane woman. I cannot speak to neurotypicals (though I believe this kink attracts neurodivergent folx by default). But I can say that I cannot tell if some memories of my past actually happened or were guided fantasies or dreams or things I just thought up. A decent majority of my life is based on journal entries, testimonies from other people and a foot kept in the door of reality that tells me that "no matter how much you can recognize the scent of the spirit hallow that you visited in a tabletop game or the light headed tingle of the honey sweet air of Arcadia, those things are just fantasies made from sitting at a table with close friends. They didn't happen.".

There is such an allure to being able to control a hypnosis partner to the point of which your words shape reality. I know full well a partner wanted to use those exact words on my "my words shape your reality" before realizing that my psychotic little brain would not react well to that suggestion, and paused for a check-in to negotiate the wording of that concept. I shall eternally be grateful for that.

No matter that allure, though, the responsibility to leave your partners and yourself tethered to reality is *vital*.

Here are some good ideas for how to do that:

1. Create a box, save file, protective boundary or however you prefer to imagine the concept, that preserves the hypnotee's state of reality, mindset and security before the scene begins and restore it afterwards. Same concept as an amnesia scene, but with emphasis on grounding.

2. Mention that the hypnotee will always be aware of the false status of the suggestion and that they are acting under guidance. Reinforce this with a hypnotist's presence. Ensure you both understanding the "Guided" portion of guided imagery.

3. Aftercare that focuses on grounding and building reality. You spend a decent part of the scene/prep destroying those walls. Build them back up together.

4. Check-in can include a simple "are there any things you're unsure about right now?" display curiosity and understanding. I, myself, feel deep shame about my sense of disconnection from reality. At an earlier phase of my life I dove into danger and drove away from Real without considering the risk or how it would impact my partner... which leads to:

5. Be upfront. As I said. I am deeply ashamed of my poor mental health. Elements of it I still cannot disclose to my Family. But I consider it a moral act to tell my partners, especially when we play. If you even worry that you may not be able to keep a firm grip on reality, make requests, ask for the kind of grounding you feel would play best for you.

My hope is that my situation is far removed from The Normal enough that this post is a waste of words. But on the off-chance that you, as a hypnotee or hypnotist, have never considered the damage of not grounding or trying to blur reality to the point of it being unrecognizable from fantasy? I hope this gives you pause to think about it.

Just be safe out there, folx. I love you all and this silly little kink we share.

Send Asks if you need more details on everything.

#dawn posting #hypnokink #hypnosis #community safety #mental health #personal #watch me post my trauma in public #bpd #hypnokink writings

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queerwolfsstuff · 9 months

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TW: mentions of bullying, suicidal ideation, and a toxic fangroup in the SPN fandom

This is all I’ll say about the recent revelations, and forewarning, a lot of swearing ahead:

I have a genuine question. Why is the Supernatural fandom as toxic as it is? Don't get me wrong, there are pockets of joy and wonder, forces for good, and a mobilization for worthy causes I have yet to see in any fandom except maybe that of the Our Flag Means Death fandom (albeit on a slightly smaller scale, and there’s quite a bit of crossover).

Like quite a few of you, I curated my own little chunk of paradise in this fandom in making three amazing, true friends (@anyreiart, @eyesofatragedy67, and @punk-is-notdead), and while I don't actively engage very much with the rest of the fandom, because it overwhelms me, the few times I have, have been generally good experiences. Has it all been sunshine and gay angel rainbows? No.

All of us have experienced negative things in some capacity. A rude comment on art or fanfiction, specifically in mine and Any’s case: a relatively well known fandom persona told people not to read the last chapter of one of our fics, and that was because that person didn't like a section of the last chapter. I’m sure that person justified to themselves that telling other people not to read someone’s work was some sort of, misguided warning, and all because that one person didn't like one part of our fanfiction. But I digress, we have seen the capacity for toxicity, but a lot of the time that has been part of the “ship war” discourse. Again, in our case, it was a brief negative interlude with a mod at the now closed SPN newsletter.

All water under a murky bridge, but the revelations of late are absolutely abhorrent. Fandom to me, as someone who has been involved in several fandoms for the past 22 years, has always been a safe space, especially as a neurodivergent queer person. I started at 17, in the fandom for the wizard boy series I won't say because of the TERF who shall not be named, but it was… not like this.

Now it's very possible that I didn't see as much (hell, I had no idea about any of this SHACgate garbage until this week because I don't really interact with folx much), but unlike now, during the wizard boy series time, I was very active, accepted into elite LiveJournal communities and while I was never a “BNF”, I got to share spaces with some incredibly talented people. And I do not ever remember the sort of discourse I have seen in the Supernatural fandom. Not even whispers of it. Ship wars have been and sadly probably always will be a thing, but this infighting, vicious, manipulative, cult-like shit? Nah, man, at least not as far as I saw.

A majority of us recently found out in the SPN fandom, and specifically among the Destiel shippers, multiple adults in some elite discord server, got involved in multiple bullying campaigns over the years and toxic, (and let's be honest) evil fucking behavior all over the simplest, or even pettiest fucking things. And what kills me, is a good majority of the orchestrators and primary toxicity peddlers, say they are neurodivergent, and/or queer, and/or disabled. That means, statistically, they themselves have probably been bullied at some point in their lives.

Yet they still chose to harass, block and ignore, “mean girls” burn-book fellow fandom folx, supposedly even their friends, all because "so and so told me to" or because they felt justified in doing so for whatever seemingly honorable reason. Many people who have come forward about their previous or prior involvement state their participation or silence in these campaigns was for fear of retribution or cancellation. Which to a degree is perfectly understandable, but in chasing the divine, these participants compromised their own values, and just because they used their fame for good a lot, doesn't really balance out how they used their fame for evil, too. Personally, I don't think it works like that.

But I'm not here to soapbox about the morality and ethics of their choices. Either they know they did bad things and are working toward undoing the damage and darkness, or they're going to continue to blame others and refuse accountability by releasing disingenuous apologies that essentially equate to, "He only gets mean when he drinks." Either way, that's between them, their friends and family, and their flying spaghetti monster.

No, what I’m genuinely confused about is why the toxicity in the SPN fandom seems so particularly… PG&E in Erin Brockovich about things. I mean, come on. Seriously? A bunch of grown ass adults bullying people, sending death threats, doxxing, harassing, pulling some high school bullshit, block and ignore tactics to dehumanize and traumatize people, some even to the point of suicidal ideation? I'm sorry, that’s fucking gross and this whole goddamn thing is fucking ridiculous. Especially if these perpetrators were bullied themselves at some point in their lives.

And don't get me wrong, with a history of loving problematic ships, I absolutely live for redemption arcs for villains, but the reality is, there needs to be a glimmer of goodness inside for that to work, and how any adult can think that sort of behavior is okay, or justified … I don't know. Some of the perpetrators may be past a redemption arc. Too far gone. In Ted Lasso (spoiler obvs) everybody got a redemption arc except for Rupert, and that was because he was irredeemable.

This behavior should be irredeemable, but that’s my personal opinion, and everyone is allowed their own. But I will admit, even my own opinion can waver. There needs to be a sense of sincerity in the first step, which is accepting responsibility and apologizing, hence why I don’t think every single person who participated is irredeemable.

I applaud the victims, those who were hurt, in finding the ability to forgive their bullies, and I also applaud those who have drawn strict boundaries. At the end of the day, the perpetrators are the ones who will have to live with the fact they chose to commit these acts and ruin fandom entirely for someone.

I don't care if it was all orchestrated by some mastermind lone wolf evil caricature of a Destiel shipper, or a select few wannabe Legion of Doom motherfuckers, your decisions are your own. Your choices were made, and when a friend told you that so and so was mean/bad/wrong, you attacked without a second thought, and why? Up until this past week, you were reaping the benefits of your elite status and living your best lives, enjoying your fandom experience. Maybe you felt safe and content with your ingroup, maybe you didn’t, but you were probably enjoying yourself. Now, how would you feel if someone did to you what you have documentedly done to others? Chased you off of social media, doxxed you, harassed you, made you feel unsafe when you unlock your phone? I won’t deny, to some extent, some of you probably have had tastes of those attacks from outsiders, but never from within, because you had the protection of your BNF cohorts. And luckily, for you, the majority of us don’t believe in bullying, so you’re never going to have to truly find out what that feels like, but I hope you think about it.

You know what happened when someone was mean to one of my friends? I stood up for said friend, while remaining calm and collected, then proceeded to block and be done with it. I didn’t reply or engage when their response turned vicious. The entire exchange was out in the open, on a public thread, and name-calling and gaslighting only ever came from one side, and it wasn't mine. I get the urge to be protective, I do, but did it just not ever occur that you can be protective of people you care about without resorting to bullying tactics? And if you have to commit these acts for fear you'll lose your fame, your place in a server, your "friend", then you've proven you don't care about people outside of what they can do for you.

A demon some of these perpetrators will need to exorcise if they truly want to learn and grow from this.

Anyway, I don't understand how or why that sickness of bullying to such a horrific extent thrived for so long in this fandom. And continues to thrive in other pockets of the fandom. Why? Why the fuck are so many adults in this fandom such childish bullies? And it's not even like we can blame it on the younger, newer fans, because they’re the ones that end up being the victim half the time from the looks of things. A bunch of quarter-life approaching middle-age folx caused this and proved that a little bit of fame in the wrong hands turns people into monsters.

For the perpetrators, I hope no one does to you what you have done to countless people in this fandom. And even more, I hope no one does to you what you did to your victims who left the fandom entirely. May you never understand that pain.

For all of their victims, I hope you find peace and I'm glad you came forward to put a stop to this madness. It was scary, and how many friends and followers the perpetrators have, this could have gone the other direction, and ended very badly. Thankfully it didn't, and hell, you got someone who never really participates or engages in fandom discourse to write a TLDR freakin’ Tumblr post about it. I am sorry for everything you experienced.

As for the rest of us? We’ve got a helluva lot of work ahead if we want to turn the Supernatural fandom into a true, safe fandom space. But I think this could be a good place to start.

#spnfandom #stop bullying #tldr #bullying in the spn fandom

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amateurletariat · 7 months

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I recently brought up P2025 to the in-laws, and was met basically with:

"I will rephrase my question and pose it again: "What has actually happened? Not whether some groups disagree with you, or whether they propose legislation you disapprove of, or whether they disseminate views contrary to yours." Surely that is the mark of a free society rather than a tyranny. But no tangible changes have arisen. When 38 states ratify a Constitutional amendment outlawing all but 2 gender identities, let me know. Until then, the expression "a tempest in a teapot" comes to mind."

It frustrated the hell out of me and I definitely got short with them for what part of the rest of the exchange I could handle.

Well today I was finally able to come up with what felt like a decent response, and I'm throwing the rough draft up here.

I was asked "What has actually happened?"

I would like to address that here.

Anti-trans legislation that has passed so far is up to a count of 83. https://translegislation.com/bills/2023/passed

Things that have happened:

Book bans. If we're not allowed to learn about a topic how can we fight for or against it? Intentionally foisting ignorance of the existence of a population is one of the first steps of genocide.

Bills that force trans people to use public bathrooms that match their assigned gender at birth. This would force someone post transition into the wrong bathroom. Think a trans male that looks like the Rock being forced into the women's room.

Drag bans. Claiming drag, or any queer person simply existing, as being inherently sexual is one of many ways to erase us from the public eye. It is also used in the excuse of 'save the children' to prevent any so‐called perversion from being present.

'Don't Say Gay' in FL. Teachers are forbidden from "discussing or instructing" on any kind of sexual orientation or gender identity in the classroom, specifically K-3. Talking about hetero-normativity is not banned, however. This has opened the door to bans on discussion in older groups, as well.

Bills claiming to be about parental rights. These bills claim that school admins must automatilly report if a student expresses interest or asks to be called a different name or gender, forcibly outing them to parents in ways that may be unsafe. If a student doesn't feel comfortable coming out to their parents, that is a very likely indicator that it would be dangerous to do so.

Sports bans. Denying access to people that already have to go through HRT, and an incredible amount of testing to ensure a level playing field, is another way to prevent us from engaging in public life.

Outright bans on gender affirming care for anyone under 18. We have a plethora of evidence that shows preventing trans people, including trans youth, from accessing gender affirming care increases risks for things like self harm and suicide.

~~~

Trans people have a propensity for mental health issues, but that's primarily caused by anti-trans rhetoric at all levels.

People in congress are trying to push for trans people in the military to be stripped of gender affirming care.

People at the state level are banning trans people from bathrooms and public life.

People at the city level are doing the same.

Groups and individuals regularly target queer people with words and with violence.

Some other queer folx are even against trans rights, with movements like 'LGB drop the T' and similar.

When we are dismissed outright, or invalidated, when we are murdered at higher rates than most, we have dire need of substantial support. This means people educating themelves instead of relying on one or two people close to them. That means listening when we are distressed. That means understanding that just because you aren't aware of something or experiencing it first-hand that it isn't actually happening.

I am part of multiple groups that have been attacked and othered for most of our history.

I am neurodivergent ~ Autism and ADHD among others. I'm sure I don't need to go into detail about how ND folx have been and still are treated. Disability "benefits" are currently made to prevent us from having viable opportunity. Ableism is ingrained in our society.

I am jewish ~ We have been hunted down since the advent of the catholic church. Pogroms have been worldwide for millenia. Antisemitism is ramping up once again. I, and most of the jews I know, are tired and wary and scared.

I am queer ~ The gay panic of the 80s in which the government turned a blind eye to those suffering from AIDS. Gay marriage only began to be legalized less than 2 decades ago, and only became nationwide 8 years ago. My own mother took steps to do what she saw as curbing queer tendencies in me. Homophobia and transphobia are still quite prevalent, and we have much more work to do to ensure equality.

I am mixed race, including native ~ I think we all understand what is implied here. Native land has been regularly stolen for the exploitation of natural resources, to the extreme detriment of inhabitants.

Intersectionality abounds, amirite?

I was brought up not knowing any of that about myself. My education was white-washed and I didn't learn just how bad it has been for minority groups until I started educating myself.

I didn't learn who I truly was because information and experiences that were not pre-approved or considered 'appropriate' weren't allowed.

I was blamed and punished for being 'difficult' rather than anyone understanding I wasn't neurotypical.

My whole life I've been inundated with antisemitism..Learning about how jewish people were segregated from public life has made it more possible to see the parallels in anti-trans legislation today.

I didn't learn that the nazis destroyed *the* gender studies institute, until last year.

I wasn't taught about the trail of tears, except that it happened. A blurb in a textbook.

All this to say that while steps have been made to make things better for more people, there is *significant* pushback to reverse any social equality progress that has been made.

When I tried to bring up my concerns before, I felt outright dismissed. Entirely so. As though my concerns were entirely unfounded. That was incredibly invalidating and hurt immensely.

Please do the legwork of educating yourselves on issues that may not affect you. Getting to calmly debate matters of rights and economics is a privelege of those not under legislative assault.

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funnelcloudd · 5 months

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Some property management companies are run by neurodivergent folx therefore it’s ableist to haha just kidding. I shit myself.

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systemserendipity · 6 months

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[Meme Description: sad pablo escabar meme with the text, "us when we try to imagine what it's like in the mind of an anti-endo]

⚠️Rant/Vent about fakeclaimers and anti-endogenic haters/cringers; resources linked below⚠️

Despite all the laughs and fun we have... not all of the plural community is safe for us to venture into. Even where it *should* be safe. Just for supporting fellow systems of all kinds, no matter our own labels.

Some will find ANY reason to call us liars or fakers, no matter what legitimate diagnoses we have, or life experiences we have yet to tell.

Sometimes, anti-endos get into endogenic-positive spaces by actively lying. They'll pretend they agree, and say whatever they think we want to hear. Even lie that they like us, enjoy our company. All to collect "cringe screenshots" and mock us just for existing in our safe spaces, minding our own businesses. And we've just gotta wonder... why?

Yes, we know that a lot of the system community is made of young people; we're bodily 24 ourself.

We know that not all that use the "anti-endo" or "endo-neutral" label are even extreme like this, but after a while of experiencing the same things over and over (all from folx using those labels), it starts getting hard to trust. Starts to encourage isolation and/or silence, at least in our experience. It's exhausting.

But then we realize: that's the entire point. Some will do anything to assert any modecum of superiority they feel over others, all to say, "I'm right/real, you're wrong/fake, shut up." Because they don't actually care about the targets' feelings, or how it impacts their community. They care about feeling better about themselves and their beliefs, at any cost. And it repeats the cycle of mindless verbal violence, minority-on-minority discrimination/oppression, the breaking down of social groups and so on.

Sure, that's not any individual's conscious goal, as we said (or at least we hope not). But it's lack of consideration, research and forethought that always leads to more unneccessary hate.

Like.

Why can't we, at-minimum, stay out of each other's spaces, if anyone really needs to cling to biases and ignore others' life experiences *that* badly? And all the while be a general force of positivity, and support one another?

Especially as plurals, we're part of a community that already deals with enough harsh criticism and fakeclaiming from uninformed singlets, neurotypicals and allistics. Let alone from fellow systems.

We just don't understand... smh... Maybe part of the issue is to do with the chronically online. Maybe part of the problem is traumatic/emotional responses that lead to unproductive and dangerous conversations/online communities. But we're kinda done trying to explain ourselves to those that refuse to listen to us, no matter their reasons.

And to those that may feel similarly to us: see some examples of posts and resources we use to help fight back against these cruel arguments, in our own mind if nowhere else (more linked below). Seeing others' experiences coupled with our own AND academic sources really cement our ideas.

It's okay to have firm beliefs, while also calling out those that stubbornly spread and cling to beliefs that are harmful. Believing neurodivergent people's stories doesn't hurt *anybody.* Fakeclaiming them, shunning them-- or supporting those that do-- certainly will.

Post #2

Post #3

Resource #2

Post #4

Post #5

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performing-personhood · 1 year

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Any other AuDHD/ND folx use the phrase "yelled at" every time they're describing being admonished?

To me, getting criticized always feels like being yelled at - especially if I wasn't expecting to receive criticism at the time. But this seems to confuse the NTs in my life, who only understand "yelling" to mean "raising the volume", and it's occurring to me that this could be yet another thing about me that's a neurodivergent trait.

#actually neurodivergent #actually audhd #actually adhd #just neurodivergent things #rejection sensitive dysphoria #rejection sensitive disorder #neurospicy

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disrainbowswag · 10 months

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Pride for Disabled, Neurodivergent Queer Folx

This is a space for disabled and neurodivergent queer folx to share their joy.

In a world that does not want us to exist joyfully, our joy is a radical middle finger to institutions that want us dead.

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0ystercatcher · 4 months

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at what point did anti fireworks sentiment go from "theyre fucking loud and a lot of people use them in really stupid unsafe ways so please keep that shit to a minimum" to "UMMM can we for once think of the animals and neurodivergent ptsd having folx????" like can we just not be proper bitter cunts about things anymore

#m #i want to retvrn (hating fireworks for normal human reasons)

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rudjedet · 2 years

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Hi, it's pronouns anon again. It's not that you're cis per say, but you identified the problem correctly. Trans and nb folx went through years of self-searching to get to where they are, and in many cases still have to put up with bigotry and outright persecution just to be ourselves. In many ways you could say we "earned" the right to joke about pronouns and gender. A cis person making the same joke without the same history is insensitive at best and dogwhistly or phobic at worst.

Thanks for confirming where the problem is for you, and while I recognise your messages come from your personal experience, I do want to say that I take issue with the assumptions you've made about me in sharing it.

You say it's not because I'm "cis per se", but in that you are assuming I haven't gone through years of self-searching to get where I am now, because I said I'm okay with the body parts I have. You also assume I have never experienced bigotry with regards to my gender expression, because I said I'm okay with my genitals. It follows that the problem is, in fact, that I'm cis - or at least, your idea of a cis person who hasn't gone through introspection and who has never received hate over their gender representation.

Now the reason I'm so very careful in my wording when I describe my relation to gender - i.e. that I don't care for my gender nor what people perceive me as, that I'm okay with the body parts I have mostly had since birth (although my uterus is on thin fucking ice) - is precisely because I have, in fact, done years of introspection when it comes to my gender and sexuality (and my neurodivergence, but that's another, if often interconnected, matter). That is where the jokes actually come from: an intimate awareness of, and often a work in progress about, what gender means to me.

[ETA: I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that, if I hadn’t already basically confirmed that I was cis, assuming that someone is cis because they’re okay with their body would itself be bordering on transphobia because it presupposes dysphoria as a definitive trait of transness, when there are plenty of trans folk who are fine with their body as it is.]

You may have guessed it from my posts, but I'm gender non-conforming. This very obviously doesn't make me trans, and far be it from me to compare my personal experiences as someone who literally doesn't give a shit to trans people who have been given so much grief over simply wanting to live the way they are. But... people have been dicks to me about my gender expression, actually. Not to the same extent as the vitriol trans people receive on the regular, but let's also face that even cis women who present female but aren't the "right type" of feminine according to society's narrow definition get clocked constantly.

Again, I respect that this is your opinion. I believe everyone has the right to be themselves without bigotry or persecution, and not in the least because gender/sexuality and personal reception of it are fascinating to me, I'm always open to learn more. But I've far more often heard trans/nb people say the opposite of what you're saying here, so I don't believe my allyship gains anything from me no longer joking about my own (lack of) gender identity.

On a final note, I would like to point out that your arguments are gatekeep-y and coming close to, if not already are, gender-critical rhetoric. You can do with that what you will, but it may be something you'd want to explore for yourself.

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gender-sexuality-happiness-rage · 10 months

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Aces, Aros and Enbies

Poster based in the United Kingdom ·

· I've always argued, most sincerely, that aces and aros offer a great deal to the queer and LGBT+ spaces that welcome us.

We offer new ways of thinking about attraction.We offer new ways of thinking about the types of love people feel,including the fact we're able to experience different kinds of attraction to different genders at the same time.

Aphobes say our language 'confuses' gay people but I believe the opposite is true. For the "bi questioning" woman who can't quite work out if she is lesbian, bi or straight because she has different feelings for different genders, we offer the split-attraction model.

It can be a godsend for questioning folx . "You mean bisexual homoromantic is a real possibility? This explains so much!"Or perhaps the gay guy who has wrestled with feeling intense romantic attraction to other guys, but no sexual attraction.

He's was told it's internalised homophobia and he needed to work through that and he believed that. But now he understands and accepts he's just not interested in sex because he's a sex-averse asexual, he doesn't feel sexual attraction, and that's perfectly okay.If your queer space welcomes aces and aros, we can offer these conversations and they can benefit others in the community.

Shut us out, because 'aces and aros aren't queer' and you probably won't be talking about the SAM soon, or other forms of attraction, and you may be selling your queer club members short.

Aspec folx belong and we have a lot to offer queer and LGBTQIA+ spaces that welcome us.

***ID: Tumblr blog by neurodivergent-angus

You know what?

Yes, aspec people are welcome in the LGBT community and that bears repeating, but it's more than that.

Aspec people are a valuable and necessary part of the community.

Aspec perspectives and experiences are an essential, important part of our community. Aspec people belong in the LGBT community. Not as an allowance or an afterthought, but inherently.

Not the way a kid who doesn't fit in gets invited to a party, like "oh, you heard that? I guess you can come too".

Not in a way that is polite on the surface but still othering.

They don't need an invitation, because they're just as intrinsic to the community as every other LGBT identity.

Aspec people have always belonged, and they always will. It's as simple as that.

#aspec pride #aspec #arospec #aro #ace #asexual #aromantic allosexual #allosexual

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