Tumgik
#neurotypicals make me uncomfortable
marzipanandminutiae · 8 months
Text
I miss people using non-medicalized terms for other people's passions
like. well and good to talk about "hyperfixations," "special interests [in the context of an autistic person's favorite subject]," or "infodumping" if you have ADD/ADHD or autism, or are talking about someone who is, but...that's not everyone who feels strongly about something, obsesses, or loves talking about their interests. those words mean specific things, associated with specific forms of neurodivergence
don't assume everyone is comfortable with that language
"rambling" is a word; so is "ranting." "obsession" is a word. "passion" is a word. learn them and use them
582 notes · View notes
fractally · 12 days
Text
I understand that a lot of neuroatypical people use tumblr as a place to vent about things that are frustrating in a primarily neurotypical world but it is wild to me every time I see calls for empathy for people with communication disorders or different processing juxtaposed with statements like "neurotypicals are always hiding their meaning and are incapable of being direct, they're basically pathological liars"
8 notes · View notes
pantelda · 4 months
Text
Me and the bad bitch I pulled and subsequentially lost by being autistic
3 notes · View notes
wild-at-mind · 6 months
Text
Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary. I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.
I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.
Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.
4 notes · View notes
leggyre · 1 year
Note
What are your thoughts on analog horror
oh i fucking adore the concept of the genre but i think most of the media that uses it eventually fails to understand what makes it appealing. that or i'm just picky with my view of it. i think it's a type of content that doesn't *need* to have a plot that feels concrete, something that you can watch and be entirely sure of events; it's very much the opposite. the more understandable the events are, the less effective it becomes. just let the brain fill the gaps and see what it becomes. ...this is just a small portion of my essay find out more on the next chapter where i talk about why the mandela catalogue is so disappointing and petscop fuckin rules. release date unknown but the opinion stands
--anyway take these fucking monsters out of the backrooms and face the unreality of loneliness you fucking cowards
16 notes · View notes
titytatatonkers · 2 years
Text
We shouldn't make fun of neurodivergent people, yes. However.
There are social norms that need to be followed. I'm sorry, that's just the truth.
You can't just touch me and look over my shoulder and scream in my ear just because you "can't control it."
You can't just infodump out of nowhere and leave me standing there for 30+ min stuck in a conversation that I don't want to have.
You can't just do certain behaviors. I'm sorry. But you just can't. It makes people uncomfortable. I don't want my personal boundaries crossed just because that's how you operate.
Yes, these are things you can't control, but they're things that do annoy people. And sometimes they are unacceptable behaviors.
They should be called out gently and you shouldn't make it out like you're uncomfortable because they're neurodivergent- there's ways to say things gently.
Anyways this is a vent so don't take me seriously I'm not looking for discourse and I'm too tired to elaborate
4 notes · View notes
masezace · 6 months
Text
really getting tired of people i thought i could trust turning around and making me feel like shit for autistic traits that i can't help
1 note · View note
evangelifloss · 10 days
Text
Thinking about a certain scene in Dungeon Meshi that completely encapsulates the Autistic experience of making friends as an adult and how hard it is to try and navigate it without ending up getting hurt.
Tumblr media
Like IDK about y'all, but this is a common problem ALOT of Autistic Adults face when trying to make friends with other people, because unlike children who aren't good at keeping their opinions to themselves, Adults ARE. In society, we're even encouraged to "keep the peace" "be polite" and etc, which commonly leads to awful scenarios as shown above when Laois finds out his buddy has come to resent who Laois is without actually telling him. All too often the friends that we love to hang out with, people that we're so happy to spend time with, don't feel the same way and in many cases, come to blame us for our social cues or lack thereof.
And when/if we do eventually find out how our friend feels, Dungeon Meshi hits us with another painful panel of how that usually ends up playing out.
Tumblr media
It's hard for Adults with Autism to make friends, and even harder to maintain them because alot of the ways Neurotypicals tell other Neurotypicals that they don't like a certain behavior is by quietly disengaging. Whether that involves having one sentence answers, going quiet, or having a certain tone in their voice, all those things signal annoyance or disapproval, but for the Neurodivergents, those subtle cues are completely missed.
And yet when we inevitably discover we DID do something, it is natural to ask "well why didn't you tell me?" because in our minds, it should've been the next step in the equation. However for the Neurotypicals, that's NOT something to bring up. Its important to be SUBTLE about the issue at hand and rely on signals to tell the other person. Blame is placed on us for not noticing the "obvious" signs of disapproval rather than the idea of talking it out as such things are uncomfortable and harder to do. Alot of the time what ends up happening is resentment due to the idea that it was "obvious" and the fact one didn't notice indicates a deliberate ignorance rather than a complete unawareness. It ends up calling into question our quality as a person and our sincerity. We get called "fake" or "malicious" or even "stupid" for failing social cues rather than questioning the decision to be indirect and vague.
For a manga about exploring the dungeon, it seems that the artist would rather explore very real and prevalent dynamics in society with the adventuring premise as a backdrop. I felt VERY seen in these panels, and many others, because it happens so suddenly and dare I say it, plainly. There's no dramatic build-up or spectacle made and in essence, it just Happens.
I think that's what makes the scene hit even harder. It seemingly comes out of nowhere for Laois, like how it always comes out of nowhere for alot of people, and it's never a dramatic twist either. It's always mundane and hurtful. A sudden unforeseen bump in the road that ends up calling into question one's entire friendship with someone and consequent other friendships. It asks "what if other friends feel the same. What if the people that I really like actually hate me and I don't know it?" Or at least that's what I came away with after reading the chapter. I've been where Laois was and the only reason I'm not there now is because I lost the naivete I had and doubt everyone else's sincerity.
3K notes · View notes
waitaminuteashh · 6 months
Text
neurotypicals that love to talk about how self-aware they are, will always be funny to me. you're so self aware but you can't tell you're making me uncomfortable by repeatedly trying to touch me when I've moved back and VERBALLY said I don't like being touched
3K notes · View notes
necrofleshgoat · 7 months
Text
Able bodied neurotypicals forcing the "summer is fun" idea on everyone makes me really uncomfortable for some reason. I can't stand warmth and will literally cry in frustration when I feel greasy and sweaty and have the need to shower every few hours. Being outside without sunglasses becomes nearly impossible bc I'll literally be blinded and overwhelmed within a few minutes. The constant "you should go outside more, the weather is so nice" comments.
No. No it's not. And I hate how they don't give a shit about the comfort of disabled people in summer.
3K notes · View notes
feybeasts · 9 months
Text
I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.
It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:
Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!
If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.
Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!
Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.
People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.
People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.
There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.
Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!
When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.
Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.
Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!
ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!
Hope some of these help folks!
3K notes · View notes
Text
thinking about how i just... never complained about anything as an undiagnosed autistic kid. i was dressed in button-down shirts that made me feel like i was choking all day to the point i could only think about that and corduroy pants that filled my ears with nothing but the sound of the fabric rubbing between my thighs all day. i was fed food whose texture made me feel sick. i was scolded for being strange and rude when i was going out of my way to be nice or helpful. 
but i never brought it up. when i had tantrums or cried, it was always about tiny unrelated things that set me off after all the stress had built up. i knew that these experiences were uncomfortable, but seeing no one else around me complain about them just made me assume that life was meant to be kind of painful in those ways. 
even today it barely crosses my mind to tell people when i don’t like something, and i’m quick to accept requests that are actually too much for me because of the idea that everyone else can do it. ironically, most neurotypical people are much better at saying that they don’t want to do something, even when this is often due to something as simple as not feeling like it as opposed to me who is struggling due to sensory, executive function, or socializing issues. 
i wish i had learned earlier that it’s not just good, but also necessary to tell people when something is hurting you. that you’re both allowed and supposed to take action to make life less painful for yourself, especially when that pain isn’t going to earn you anything. i wish i was able to make requests for my own good without automatically feeling guilty for being ‘selfish’. 
15K notes · View notes
autismvampyre · 1 year
Text
i fucking HATE when people have a moral objection to it/its pronouns and refuse to use them based on principle
"oh but it's dehumanizing!" THATS THE POINT. that's literally the fucking point. i personally use it/its pronouns because as a neurodivergent person i feel a disconnect to other neurotypical people. i don't feel quite human, and not in a bad way, just in a "im not quite human" way. some people straight up just don't identify as human, and thats fine too. it's their business.
"it makes me uncomfortable" ok. and?? that's not my problem. if my queer identity - that does not fucking affect you - makes you uncomfortable; that's a YOU problem. can you imagine if we gave every transphobe a pass on misgendering because using the correct pronouns "made them uncomfortable"?? i see a lot of fellow queer folk using this excuse to not use it/its pronouns as if its not the exact same talking points used by bigots.
not everything that makes you uncomfortable is automatically evil and bad. i feel uncomfortable wearing lots of colour, does that make it morally bad for other people who do like colourful clothes to wear what they like? no! that would be insane. people are gonna do stuff that personally makes you uncomfortable, that doesn't make it automatically bad. if someone peacefully existing and using it/its pronouns makes you uncomfortable then that seems like something you have to work on to get over, because people are not gonna stop existing in the way they feel most comfortable with just because you dont like it.
TLDR; get over yourself. you are not the center of the universe and someone else using it/its pronouns DOES NOT AFFECT YOU.
4K notes · View notes
Text
Does anyone else with autism literally not know what sensory things are bothering them unless they somehow find out or make a sustained effort to know what it is?
Like, I see all these posts that will be like “i can’t x because the light is too loud” or “my scalp hurts” or something, and that’s fine because those are the reasons that these feelings are happening, but oftentimes when I’m in a situation I have just mentally unconsciously blocked out whatever it is, like say it’s a repetitive buzzing from a light, i’ll just be PISSED and I won’t know why, and then i’ll realize i’m pissed, and then maybe I’ll step too close and hear the light buzzing and be like “OH”.
Like I feel like I’m never right away conscious of what’s bothering me, or even that something IS bothering me, I just start acting out for what feels like no reason.
Like, it genuinely took me YEARS to realize that why i’m so uncomfortable in certain places is because of how loud fluorescent lights are. (like, I know they light a space well, but I can’t be the only one that is bothered by such loud appliances, I feel like a know many neurotypical people who should also be upset over a buzzing light. why did we, as a society, decide to install vibrating lights everywhere?)
682 notes · View notes
drchucktingle · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
It’s Carly Tingle’s big day, the release of her first traditionally published horror novel, Camp Damascus. Unfortunately, Carly’s having trouble enjoying this moment as fear and chaos begin to swirl around her. She wants the book to do well, of course, but it slowly becomes apparent there’s more to Carly’s ambition than meets the eye.
Things get clearer when Carly revisits an old erotica short she’d written, titled Eaten Right By The Physical Manifestation Of My Pride And Excitement That The Lead Character Of My First Traditionally Published Horror Novel Is On The Autism Spectrum Just Like Me. This sets off a chain of fourth-wall breaking events that will send Carly on an adventure unlike any other.
Now at the book shop, Carly will come face-to-face with the beautiful physical manifestation of her pride and excitement as an autistic artist, culminating in an erotic lesbian encounter that could inspire generations to come.
This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on sentient physically manifested excitement in the form of a punctuation mark action and lesbian autistic pride love.
----
please enjoy EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME out now for free but asking for donation to AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK
MORE ABOUT THIS TINGLER:
hey there buckaroos i would like to use today to talk on something that is very important to me. i have talked a lot about my journey as a bud on the autism spectrum, and about how I LOVE BEING AUTISTIC.
my story on the spectrum is not a struggle. my way was diagnosed in early twenties, but because of way of masking VERY FEW BUCKAROOS WOULD EVEN NOTICE. it has given me ability to hyper focus and get large amounts of writing done, to find creative ideas neurotypical buds might miss, and to have a unique perspective on life on this timeline.
HOWEVER as man name of chuck my pride in this way used to make me uncomfortable, thinkin i should not share my story. there are many buds on this spectrum who have a MUCH harder time than chuck, and i want to respect the VERY IMPORTANT AND VERY REAL struggles of my fellow autistic buckaroos. for long time i did not feel like it was my place to share and say ‘personally, i wouldnt change my autistic trot for anything. i think being autistic is very cool’
but as tingleverse got more fans and buckaroos started listening to my words more i started thinking: THIS is an opportunity to prove love. part of the reason i am PROUD of my spectrum way is because FIRST INTERACTION with idea of this trot (was called aspergers way back then) was to realize that ALL MY HEROS were on this spectrum: david byrne of band TALKING HEADS being number one.
my FIRST INTERACTION with this idea was not ‘whoa this is tragic’ it was ‘whoa the coolest buckaroo on the PLANET is the same as me’
POINT IS i have been on this timeline a while now and now i am in this position myself. i can be the one buckaroos see when they learn this about themselves and think: WOW LOOK AT THIS WILD ARTIST I ADMIRE BREAKING THE NORMS AND CHARTING A NEW TROT THROUGH THIS TIMELINE WE ARE BOTH AUTISTIC THIS IS THE HECKIN COOLEST
most of the characters i write are probably a little on the spectrum because they are comin from inside chucks head. i look back and notice this and laugh, but other than a single tingler i rare actually OUTRIGHT SAY this character is autistic. i decided that FIRST BIG HORROR NOVEL WITH A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHER was a good time to change this. while i write erotica most of the time which means NO YOUNG BUCKAROOS ALLOWED, horror is a little different. buckaroos young and old can read CAMP DAMASCUS and think ‘i see myself in this autistic hero and I FEEL COOL’
EVEN WRITING THIS NOW makes me get teary eyed and emotional, because these feelings of belonging and positive representation were SO IMPORTANT to me. i would not be trotting here without these autistic heroes, and now i have been given the chance to create one of my own with CAMP DAMASCUS and WITH MYSELF just by being chuck and talking openly about my joyful, exciting, artistic trot on the spectrum.
WITH ALL OF THIS IN MIND i am releasing a brand new tingler called EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME for free. HOWEVER i am requesting that if you choose to read you send your three dollars (or whatever donation you would like) to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK. this way 100 percent of all profits will go to them. (WARNING this is actual erotica so no young buckaroos allowed for this one).
all ages (who are old enough to read horror) can preorder CAMP DAMASCUS at any bookstore. i also have a tingler name of NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS that is pound free so all ages can read so check that out if you would like.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
thank you for blessing me with a space to explore these ideas. i am so thankful to be here with you and you have treated me so well. i am eternally grateful for our tort together and look forward to the future we craft on this timeline.
LOVE IS REAL - chuck
2K notes · View notes
silvermoon424 · 28 days
Text
Coming to terms with the fact that society hates autistic people
I just saw some comments that were like "If you're autistic, neurotypical people hate you" and "growing up as autistic in our neurotypical society is almost always inherently traumatizing." And you know what? I absolutely agree. It really resonates with me to hear fellow autistic and generally neurodivergent people talk about the hate, rejection, misunderstanding, and even dehumanization we receive from most neurotypicals.
My entire childhood was spent being the "weird girl" until I got good enough at masking to fit in better. Even now, as an adult, I get negative comments from my own (neurotypical) parents when I display certain neurodivergent behaviors. My family is always like "that's so Katy" and shake their heads when I act "too" autistic and it feels so fucking patronizing. I've had negative experiences and even disciplinary action at jobs I've had for exhibiting neurodivergent behavior (usually related to my ADHD, but sometimes autism too). My entire fucking life I've been told by society to not act too much like myself or else I'll put everyone off.
And then you see people being sympathetic to the parents of autistic children who abuse or even kill them. "It's sad, but it's understandable" neurotypical people say. Videos of autistic children having meltdowns are full of people saying that they should be locked up because they're no better than animals. We're seen as a burden, a drain on society, who are only tolerated if we learn to act "normal" and don't make the neurotypicals uncomfortable. Autistic people are front and center in "cringe" compilations and are ruthlessly bullied.
If I'm being honest, I'm still unlearning a lot of ableist thoughts that were instilled in me growing up. I sometimes catch myself thinking that other autistic people are annoying, and I have to stop myself and think "Do you really find them annoying, or were you programmed to be dismissive of people who don't act neurotypically enough?"
Anyway, idk where I'm going with this text wall. The older I get, the more I become aware of how much I've been harmed by an extremely ableist society, and it breaks my heart that more neurodivergent kids are being taught to suppress their true selves the way I was.
271 notes · View notes