#never be ashamed to feel sad

[stundamage]

anyways going through all five stages of grief because one of my favorite rasey fics was deleted from ao3 😭

#rasey #genuinely obliterated about this tbh #the worst part is that i never commented on it. i was busy so i told myself id do it later. #and now i can never tell the author how much i loved it! #ugh! i'm so sad and i feel so stupid for feeling sad #like im an adult w a job this is NOT the most important thing i should be thinking about. but unfortunately i'm devestated nonetheless :( #i just hope the author is okay and didn't delete bc they were sad or ashamed of their work. it was so good! man! i wish i had commented

[genderqueerpond]

amyeleven fivenyssa crossover

#the three people who would like to read this get excited and then get disappointed because i never finish anything #but the thing about fivenyssa is that she's his daughter #and it's supremely fucked up #and the thing about amyeleven is that she's his Everything and it's supremely fucked up #and also she's the one who asked the doctor if he's a father and well. she'd get it the second she saw nyssa #i know that line was SUPPOSED to be about susan and susan's hypothetical parents but in my heart it's about nyssa of traken #and the thing about eleven and nyssa is that they'd have extremely deep and intimate conversation about being the last of their kind #she's probably the only person in the universe that he could talk about it truly openly with and it'd be like. #nyssa I'm so sorry i never fully understood you. i couldn't. i do now #and she'd be so SAD about it because she never ever wanted that for him #she never WANTED him to understand her like that because the only way he ever could was to go through the same thing #and nyssa would never consider that price to be worth it #but now she knows it's going to happen and she can never tell her own doctor #and it's devastating devastating but also deeply healing for them both but especially eleven #.... #and the thing about amy & five is that she'd know him. of course she would. she'd Believe he's the doctor and Understand about regeneration #and immediately tell him about the first time she met Her raggedy Doctor and he'd be like. you shouldn't be telling me this but #he'd be stunned and captivated by the amount of love and also possesiveness in her voice and wouldn't be able to bring himself to stop her #and she'd see straight through him and make him feel naked and raw and at the end she'd hug him goodbye and kiss him on the forehead #the way eleven does her because he's a CHILD to amy compared to eleven and he can't hide that #and the thing about eleven and five is that they'd each be deeply ashamed of the other #and finally #the thing about amy and nyssa is that they'd make out sloppy style #..... #............ #voices offscreen: #'i can't believe you called her my daughter and then made out with her' #'yeah and how many times have you made out with my daughter what's your point' #lavender thoughts #dw

[hirsuteandcute]

#I’m both scared and curious for the results #the fact that I was so young and already so ashamed by my body hair makes me unbelievably sad #my mum started waxing my arms when I was 8 #I sort of resent how she never tried to make me feel better about myself but that’s a whole other story lol #she was so angry because she thought I’d made it ‘grow back thicker’ by cutting it #body hair #anti hair removal #body hair positivity #polls

[stabbylambchop]

Hey uh

anyone here on Art Fight this year or-

Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.

You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...

I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...

#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW???? #I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T #I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL #and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just- #-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out #-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL' #like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!! #but like. idk. #and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another- #-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy... #but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself #but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL #but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting... #especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me #one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces... #i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments. #it all felt so damn pointless #but I'm nothing if not a survivor #as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised' #I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up- #and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires #BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.

[bylertruther]

me saying will does not hate himself for being gay =/= me saying will is somehow magically not affected by homophobia or the abuse that he's endured his entire life because of it. nor is it me saying that he has never once had doubts or negative feelings/thoughts about his sexuality and what it's made of (and will make of) his life.

intrusive thoughts are normal. no marginalized person can go through life without ever experiencing them or any of the other things that come with being discriminated against. it's impossible, unless you live in a bubble in the middle of nowhere untouched by society.

will isn't a super confident character. we've seen that multiple times and it is literally a plot point more than once lol. i'd be shocked if there are people who have been in similar positions that haven't ever felt weird, different, or down in the dumps for how they're treated for things they can't control. we've watched will suffer with being different on-screen. i know that he's felt bad for being a freak that gets babied by everyone.

i still don't think that that is indicative of internalized homophobia.

internalized homophobia, as in self-hatred over being gay, as in actively believing the negative stereotypes about yourself and thinking that there is something wrong with you because of your sexuality.

not internalized homophobia, as in "wow, being gay is hard" or "wow, this aspect of myself means i have to be careful around other people" or "wow, being this way is making my upside down-related alienation even worse". those are normal things to experience and go through. he's some poor nerd in the middle of nowhere, midwest, usa, in the eighties. nowhere did i ever say he wouldn't feel those things.

but hating himself for being gay? actively hating himself? as is suggested by my post, where i state that multiple times? i just don't think so. i explain myself multiple times, but i don't think his actions suggest hatred. he wouldn't lean into it if he hated it.

i never said will was the happiest, most confident guy in the entire world and that he's 100% self-assured in his sexuality and never experiences anything negative because of it. i just said that i find the canonical evidence for self-hatred over his sexuality, aka internalized homophobia, to be lacking.

#sorry but...... every weird kid dyke or not experiences tht alienating I'm Different feeling. i'm talking abt people who say that will #byers believes the homophobic rhetoric and thinks he's disgusting for being gay and hates himself for it and wants to be different. #i'm not talking about the normal experiences of every gay person ever. i'm talking about internalized homophobia. and how will would not #make artwork for his crush where he's got a heart on him + confess his feelings to him + claim alan turing to be his hero + never change #if he hated being gay and hated himself for it. will is a sad kid sometimes. he tells us himself when he says he sometimes feels like a #mistake. but he said it himself: SOMETIMES. we All get negative thoughts and have to carry what was done to us and think before #we tell someone we're gay. that is very different from self-hatred. will didn't look troubled in lenora. i highly doubt he was hating #himself lmao AND IF HE HATED HIMSELF FOR THIS THEN WHY WOULD THE DUFFERS SAY THEMSELVES THAT WILL WANTS #TO GET THIS OFF OF HIS CHEST AND MAKE HIMSELF UNDERSTOOD. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO REVEAL AND SEEK UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE IF THIS IS SOME #THING HE HATES. WE'VE SEEN HIM HIDE THINGS AND FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED BEFORE. HE HAS NOT BEHAVED #THAT WAY WITH HIS GAYNESS. SO WHERE IS THE SELF-HATRED. #caps for emphasis not because i'm yelling btw. #but anyway! #mine

[willows-woes]

well. ha. it was really stupid, wasn't it.

i must've been being a little overdramatic.

it was never that serious.

...

.. i had intent to kill myself that day. i am still in denial about it.

and i guess you could say i tried. i put knives to my wrist and pushed down because i couldn't see a way out of this.

i.. attempted suicide?

is that what it is?

it can't be. no. attempts are serious. mine wasn't.

but there was suicidal intention. i wanted to be dead more than i wanted anything.

i remember. i didn't tell anyone because they were worried enough about me self-harming and starving myself. they didn't need suicide attempts added to the mix. i thought telling them would scare them. i thought "they don't need to know. these scars will be gone by next week anyways. because i failed. pathetically."

#tw suicidality #still failing to process #it's been nearly a month #and i don't want to remember #but the memory keeps coming back to me #sometimes i tell myself that it never happened. i made it up. just so i can pretend for a while. #every time i remember it's like. this sadness. a horrified feeling. this emptiness. i feel ashamed of my failure. #personal

[malikselfindulgence]

Early on in Marek and MK's friendship MK talks to Marek about how he doesn't know his origins and that Pigsy raised him and Marek thinks oh!! He's like me!! :D and feels comfortable opening up about her past to be #relatable except MORSHID AND PIGSY ARE VERY MUCH NOT ALIKE and it just sounds concerning

#mk doesnt wanna sound appalled and throw her off ormake her feel ashamed so he just has to sit thru the #yeah my 'dad' says Im never gonna be worth anything if I keep being stupid . he also refuses to tell me about my birth parents . hm ! #weird old guy mentors amirite MK? :3 #pigsy's reluctance to call MK his son is NOT like morshid's reluctance to show any form of affection Marek u just sound sad rn #malik's rambles #oc: marek lmk

[carcinized]

feeling of growing into my body is so nice too. god puberty sucked

#i mean i had other stuff too. and so do probably most of my followers bc Trans Things. i never had dysphoria from being trans tho #it was all from discomfort during puberty + depersonalization #so now that both of those have lessened + ive gotten better at managing them. HOLY SHIT ITS NICE #i dont feel ashamed of my body!!! ive achieved complete body neutrality its so fucking awesome #i dont even feel like i need to dress up anymore. nor am i uncomfortable with the idea that someone could find me attractive #bc i understand its not my job to be or not be attractive its just my job to EXIST. other ppl can think whatever they want about me #its SO NICE. i am growing into my life its so lovely. #just a bit of positivity for you guys :] this site (and online spaces in general) can be so negative bc it’s a safe place to ent #so heres a break from that. from someone who struggled heavily w mental illness for multiple years #i don’t want to disclose what or why but it wasnt just quirky depression anxiety etc it was like from real scary shit + near death experienc #<- not to say anxiety & depression don’t suck. what i mean is that it wasn’t quirky ‘omg i have anxiety im so scared of everyone 🥺👉👈’ #type shit that every white girl highschooler insists they have. it wasnt just beingn sad cus of high school LMAO #NOT TO DOWNPLAY THAT BUT LIKE. U KNOW THE PPL I MEAN. u dont have anxiety/ocd/depression dude youre just Sad. fairly so but itsnot Disorder #but. from someone who went thru all that. IT GETS BETTER. also if ur like 13-15 ur brain hormones suck and it gets better 100% #like everything feels So Bad but its just uour brain chemicals and i am so sorry uour brain does that. BUT IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE. <3 #it doesnt make your struggles easier but you should know that it DOES get better. <3 love u #ok <3 take care guys #tobin talks

[boyhaunts]

sooooo insane how conditional love is. so insane.

#sry still thinking about how i am so deeply ashamed abt my own anger regarding the events of april 2022. #daph told me that hey. maybe the way that some ppl reacted to this were not actually good friends to me. #and it hurts to know they're right and it hurts to miss them all anyway. #like i can't fault them for being angry because shit i am too. all this time later i'm still mad. but they didn't even try talking to me ab #any of it. even after they knew they didn't bother. and maybe that's my own fault too because i am so chronically unforthcoming w my #feelings and struggles because i refuse to burden people with the knowledge that i have Problems so they just gave up or didn't know how #anyways. i'll probably never talk to any of them again and i don't know how to feel about them regardless. i'm just sad. #boy.txt

[sugarwishes]

it’s scary to see how my bpd affects my cognitive

#no but srsly #the spliting thing is what scares me the most #rn i have a friend who hasn’t replied me for three days #but they’re active on ig and tiktok and let me tell you #i am SO ready to never message them again #it actually gets even worse now that i’m aware of it #my rational thoughts are in constant battle with my bpd thoughts #like i know that if i never message them again i’ll be sad and lonely #but i just feel so angry and ashamed and rn i just want to disappear #ugh splitting* i hate tumblr tags #like just what the fuck do you think you’re doing going out with ppl and posting on ig #but not replying to me. is there something wrong with me do you hate me do you wanna quit being friends #and it’s really confusing cause they’re always saying how much i mean to them and how they think i’m the only person who can understand them #things like this always trigger my fear of abandonment #no really i just want to disappear

[crybaby-bkg]

I love you poetry I love you wide expanse ocean water imagery I love you tying in the moon and it’s strength and devotion to its water I love you big ball of fire that can hold so many metaphors within its sphere I love you otherworldly imagery I love you space analogies I love you pretty pictures made with soft words and gentle meanings I love you simple phrases that convey so much I love

#I’m writing enough poetry to write another book lmfao #it’s just so soothing and I always feel so seen and expressive #I have a hard time talking about how I feel without getting extremely overwhelmed and poetry has helped that so much #I’ve only written one ocean poem and it still slaps and I’ve never written another one bc how can I top that LOL #poetry is so beautiful I love it so much #I made one about the hero society a couple weeks ago and I wanna use it in a fic #about reader being a poet or something and frequently speaking about the problems within hero society #and as they’re breaking down the system to better fit people and stop the idealization of heroes #you’re asked to speak at this big gala and perform a poem #it’s so like……personal to me bc I’ve done this a few times for poetry performances LOL #but I wanna write it!!!!! #okay rambling over sorry I just really love poetry #I also do not write enough about my sexuality and I’m so sad about it #I was so ashamed and confused for so long that I wouldn’t dare put those pieces of myself in my writing in fear of people ‘finding out’ #but fuck that #okay done seriously this time lmfao #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[terrainofheartfelt]

Dan made Blair happy. He got her our of the depression she was in from Chuck. Blows my mind to this day it wasn't Serena

the show did Serena wrong in so many different ways, and one of the ones that irks me Most is that they made her one of the people who made Blair feel responsible for Chuck's behavior and well-being. >:(

and, per your comment about Daniel, as the prophet taylor wrote: do I really need to tell you how he brought me back to life?

#where. WHERE. was the energy from s1 when serena was like 'keep that fucker so far away from me' #and it's so tragic on every angle I look at it #the fact that serena seemingly never told blair about her assault #to that essentially being retconned bc blair picks chuck because he 'didn't sleep with serena' which BARF #that blair was so ashamed of the Indecent Proposal and how it went down she refused to tell serena #just....they love each other so entirely #but the - their was always something fractured between them after the shepherds #in that they didn't feel like they could be truly candid with each other any more about sex #not saying that they needed to share everything with each other #but the wall that went up put them both in danger and ended up hurting them both #and now I'm sad #S actually puts this very astutely in her serena fic #that serena kept encouraging blair and chuck together #because she believed on some level that blair made chuck 'safe' #he was safer for other women if he was with blair #and serena wanted to believe that chuck loved blair 'enough' not to hurt her #it's The Most Specialest Girl ideology - which of course we don't buy into in this house #but it is the read on serena's behavior re: bluck that makes the most sense to me #anyways everyone should read goodbye stranger by strideofpride on ao3 #and then leave a comment and tell her how brilliant she is #because she is and ANGEL and we are THRILLED to have her!!!! #anon #asks

[tardis--dreams]

Lol 30 years sounds long but when you say '30 winters' or '30 Christmases' it suddenly makes you realize just how fleeting life is and that you only have a very limited amount of time you get to live and wow now you're crying and are overrun by a sudden wave of existential dread and anxiety

#and by 'you' i mean 'i' #i don't know why my brain just did this #but i was thinking about how it's almost winter again #and how another year has passed me by without me making any progress and just wasting my life away #and that somehow every year is passing faster and faster and that i experienced almost 30 winters (the coming one included #because earlier when i walked my dog at night it was so cold i felt like it was winter and I got a weird sensation of nostalgia #and now I'm scared #idk of what #maybe that another 30 winters will pass and i'll feel the same just more sad and unhappy and ashamed because i never accomplished Anything #or maybe that this might be my last winter and i won't experience another one where i don't feel dead inside #yeah no i gotta stop thinking #I'm making myself cry #shut up amy

[divinedeathbed]

i dont know where else to go w this bc im so- ugh- but the lyrics "You need a master just so you can beg" and "now bow down and learn to be a good slave" are such fucked up demetrius/michael lyrics and IT- IT HURTS. good bye

#ill never actually DO anything but whatever #ugh #i feel sad #shut the fuck up mys #michael makes me ashamed sometimes lmaooo #hes both comforting and an embarrassment to me LMAO #whatever ignore that part #anyway the song is RED's feed the machine #another good RED michael/dem song is Perfect life

[the-blind-geisha]

New layout for my page, and I love it. ;^; I put Ignatius and Oreana on my other page. ♥

#two different lovers yet somehow the same lol #i'll show the full image of the commission later #she has to watermark it. x"D sad to say i never trust people #it's been so nice not feeling scared or ashamed to show my overlord oc demona with demiurge #i always get scared to xD;; after a bit of stuff that went down a few yrs ago #but i am so happy to love her now #and embrace her #mod talks

[sugar-konpeito]

I feel like Pluto being in love with someone is kind of important for her character?????? It shows that she has emotions completely unrelated to servitude. There’s someone she loves for her sake, and her sake alone. She may have been created to serve others, but she still has her own desires, whether she likes it or not. She feels more human that way.

#sailor pluto #setsuna meioh #it could be romantic or platonic #i think she needs some kind of selfish desire to feel complete #as a character #no one can just dutifully serve others all the time!! #people need to be selfish #even if it's only inside their head and never externalized #pluto selfishly love this person in her head #never saying out loud #she's ashamed of doing something for herself alone #and she doesn't want anyone to know about it #her loving endymion is interesting to me :> #she's vowed to care for him from the side #and never expect anything in return #she feels inexplicable joy helping endymion #but there's a sadness too #nobody would even be mad at her if she told them #she's chosen to torture herself #being selfless all the time is not ideal basically!!!! #loving chibiusa is a shared duty of all the sailor guardians #so she can tell herself that THAT'S just part of her duty #loving a child is a shared purpose #but loving endymion is not #he's already an adult #and has plenty of love from his family already #she can't love him for *his* sake #only her own #so she's gotta confront herself about this eventually #sailor moon