#never claimed to be a good writer so! loophole :-)

[coraniaid]

Couple more Jenny thoughts before, like the show itself, I forget all about her and never mention her again:

1. There’s a popular claim online – one which, unlike a lot of claims about the show’s “original plan”, I think actually is grounded in something the show’s creators have said – to the effect that it was originally going to be Oz, not Jenny, who was killed off in Passion.  To be frank, this sounds pretty unbelievable to me: I just don't see anything in the text to support it. And after knowing the fate of Kendra and Harmony and Joyce and Tara and Cordelia and Anya and Fred, does it sound credible to you?

That being said, in an alternate reality where Jenny did survive Season 2, it seems likely – given Robia Scott’s reported religious conversion in the summer of 1998 – that she’d have probably ended up being written out of the show anyway.   And even if not, I don’t think it’s particularly likely the writers would have ever found anything interesting to do with her.  I think what we got is (unfortuately) probably about as good as we were ever going to get.

2. I think what frustrates me so much about this season's handling of Jenny Calendar is that it would just have been so easy to fix it all with a little care.  This season gave Giles a somewhat murky past and a history he’s ashamed of and it worked out fine.  In theory, establishing some sort of connection between Jenny and one of Angel’s past victims could have been a really interesting choice. It could have been tied into her death in a meaningful and tragic way.  If, that is, the show cared enough about Jenny to explore it.  But as it is, the “Janna of the Kalderash” retcon adds literally nothing to the story, other than adding a brief surprise twist and a bit of extra racism and giving the Scoobies an excuse to be awkward around Jenny before she dies.  You could cut out “Uncle Enyos” entirely, throw in a quick scene where Jenny goes online to find out about the loophole in the curse, and practically everything else stays the same.

Apart from not knowing (or caring) enough to give any depth to Jenny’s supposed Romani backstory, the show’s writers never seem to decide if they want Jenny to be an innocent victim who did nothing wrong or a traitor who was murdered just before she could properly redeem herself.  I almost think Passion would work better if Jenny had known what would happen if Buffy and Angel slept together.  At least then there’d be a reason to freeze her out.  But, on the other hand, a Jenny who did know would have had literally no reason not to tell them.  (Neither Jenny nor Enyos wanted the curse to be broken, after all! That is literally the thing they are in Sunnydale to stop from happening.)  So while Passion might have been improved I don’t know if the season as a whole would have been.

3. Although Jenny really isn’t talked about much at all after Season 2, and never after the halfway point of Season 3, it’s popular in fandom circles to argue that her death still had a big impact on the Scoobies, on Willow and on Giles in particular.  (Similarly, skipping ahead a little, it’s a popular fandom reading to suggest that Kendra’s death had a much bigger impact on Buffy than what we see on screen.)  

The basic idea is that Willow’s growing interest in magic can be seen as an attempt to take over the role of Jenny as the group’s resident “technopagan” and magic expert, in the same way she takes over her role as computer science teacher for the rest of this season.  Meanwhile, Giles is supposedly so hurt by Jenny’s death that he never forms a serious romantic relationship with anybody else again.  More generally, nobody ever brings Jenny’s name up in conversation because it’s just too sensitive – it’s almost a taboo topic.  Only when things are very heated, like during the argument in Revelations, will somebody particularly lacking in tact (meaning: Xander) dare to bring her up.

I quite like these fan readings myself – in some sense, I’d like to think that Jenny mattered, that her memory is still important years after her death – but I think it’s giving the writers far too much credit to assume this is how the viewers were actually meant to read things.  

I think the simplest explanation is that Jenny isn’t talked about much after Season 2 for the same reason Jesse isn’t talked about at all after The Harvest. For the same reason Cordelia isn’t talked about much after she leaves for Angel, and Oz isn’t after he’s written out in Season 4.  The writers don’t want to alienate viewers who have forgotten her, or who only started watching the show after she died.  In fact, a lot of the writers who worked on the show from Season 4 onwards only joined the writing team after Jenny died.  I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them had completely forgotten about her. 

Giles doesn’t get a new romantic partner because the cast starts getting too big (and because the writers were too cowardly to pair him up with Ethan).  Crucially, this isn’t for lack of trying on Giles’s part: in Season 4, we see him get a new “orgasm friend” in the form of Olivia Williams, and while things don’t work out between them that’s not because of any reluctance on Giles’s side. I find it hard to reconcile Olivia with the idea Giles is still deeply grieving Jenny.

As for Willow … well, she obviously takes Jenny’s death hard in Passion, and it’s definitely easy to headcanon her interest in magic during the summer Buffy’s missing as an attempt to try to get closer to the memory of Jenny Calendar.  I really don’t think there’s much textual support for it though.  If she was trying to be like Ms. Calendar, wouldn’t she want to keep up the computer science side of things as well, instead of abandoing computers for magic?  And, as I said a bit earlier in my rewatch, I just don’t think Jenny actually ever did fill this sort of magic/technopagan role in the group.  After Season 1, the writers mostly ignored that part of her character.  (She starts getting into magic again only after the “Janna” retcon, and Passion links the two aspects of her character pretty strongly by having the magic store owner talk about knowing her uncle.)

But yeah, canon or not, it’s nice to imagine that Jenny mattered.  That the show and its characters didn’t just forget all about her a few episodes after her death.  I think she deserved that much.

#btvs #buffy rewatch 2023

[morganaseren]

Pairing for thought: Josephine and Niamh

Y'all are just determined to never let the plot bunnies inside my head rest, huh? 😂 Well, lucky for you all, I've actually thought about this pairing before, mostly because I romanced Josephine in two previous Inquisition runs, and I think she's absolutely sweet. 🥰 For those of you whom have been reading OtSttCA, you'll know that Niamh is quite diplomatic and tends to take the route of peace whenever possible, so I imagine she and Josephine would get along rather well as a couple!

Things to Know:

No Blight of Darkspawn threat, but it will take place around the same time Origins does in 9:31 Dragon.

The Circle of Magi doesn't exist, so mages live freely.

The Veil was never torn apart, so elves also live freely in addition to being rather long-lived.

Based on lore, the Montilyets were originally a naval power in Antiva until 8:31 Blessed, where they lost favor with the Du Paraquettes over the alleged matter of marriage and fidelity. Incensed, the Du Paraquettes established a contract with the House of Repose to keep the family out of Orlais, but this exile brought the once formidable family to near ruin.

For the purposes of this AU, however, we're going to say the above schism happened closer to the turn of the new Age. Instead of the claim of infidelity, the Du Paraquettes (falsely) accused the Montilyets of cheating them out of merchant goods in this verse. This leads to the Montilyets to be blacklisted by the merchant industry.

By the time Josephine is barely a teenager, her parents are still trying to restore their reputation and fortune in much the same way Josephine herself did canonically in Inquisition. The Montilyets are barely keeping afloat as is by then, for where they once held hundreds of ships in testament to their power, they now maybe only have half a dozen or so at best.

Unfortunately, their push to return to Orlais led to the House of Repose going after them as deemed necessary by their contract, and to make matters worse, the Du Paraquettes also hired Rivaini pirates to sink any ships bearing the Montilyet crest. The latter happened when the family was sailing along the Waking Sea. The voyage was meant to be a family vacation of sorts to help them forget about their woes for a bit when they were suddenly attacked.

Thankfully, they were saved when a fleet of Mac Eanraig warships happened upon them during a patrol.

The Mac Eanraig clan held a fierce reputation as notorious raiders against Orlesian ships during the Fereldan Rebellion, and with the war's aftermath, the royal family tasked them with the crucial duty of guarding the country's waters as their premier naval power. The clan's influence also grew, however, when Eleanor Mac Eanraig (the famed Sea Wolf of the war) later married Teyrn Bryce Cousland of Highever. In terms of hierarchy, the Couslands are only a tier below the monarchy of Ferelden.

With that knowledge along with the realization their children were now in even greater danger with the vendetta from both the Du Paraquettes and Rivaini pirates against them, Josephine's parents beg the Mac Eanraigs to arrange a meeting with the Couslands. In doing so, they hope to have Josephine betrothed to one of Bryce and Eleanor's children. The engagement of their daughter to a member of such a respected family would serve as a deterrent for their enemies against further attacking them until Josephine's parents can at least find any legal loopholes to stop the Du Paraquettes.

The Couslands feel for the Montilyets' plight and accept the betrothal on the condition that their youngest daughter (and only unmarried child) also agrees to the arrangement.

Thus, Josephine finds herself in the unexpected and unenviable position of having to convince someone she's never even met to marry her.

There is a bit of an age difference between Niamh and Josephine. As I recall, Josephine's writer mentioned she was anywhere between 27-29 years old in Inquisition whereas Niamh would be 33 by then. Since this AU takes place in 9:31 Dragon, I'm going to average Josephine's age out to be 18 around that time while Niamh would be 23.

With that all out of the way, I'm going to leave you all with a scene of Josephine and Niamh meeting for the first time!

Note: Anything written in regular print is an actual excerpt from the WIP while anything italicized just happens to be vague thoughts I have about certain scenes I plan on writing.

---

It had been some weeks since Josephine and her siblings had settled into Castle Cousland. The Teyrn and Teyrna had been most gracious in making them feel welcome, which Josephine is grateful for. The separation from their parents is hard enough after all. Both had returned to Antiva with an escort of Mac Eanraig ships in tow to ensure their safety while they navigate through the murky waters of diplomacy in an attempt to re-establish their holdings.

Her siblings seem happy enough to explore their new surroundings. While their estate back home wasn't terribly modest, the castle exists on a scale of both storied history and magnificence that perhaps the only one that could rival it is the one owned by Ferelden's royal family. As it is, Castle Cousland is a sight to behold—appropriate for a family whose name stretches back well into the Towers Age.

Still, the fact Josephine is there at all is just another unwanted reminder of the expectations placed upon her. With perhaps the exception of her brother Laurien—the next eldest behind her—their other siblings likely couldn't understand what's at stake if she fails.

At its core, her goal is to secure a negotiation. She's studied enough in regards to administration and diplomacy (with the hopes that her knowledge would eventually come to help ease the stress that weighed so heavily upon her parents) that she's at least confident in being able to present a case to her would-be suitor.

...of course, she's yet to see the woman in question.

---

Little bit of Cousland and Mac Eanraig backstory to help make sense of things!

So Bryce and Eleanor have three children: Fergus, Saoirse (my canon Hero of Ferelden), and Niamh.

As the firstborn, Fergus will become Teyrn of Highever once Bryce retires. Given the Blight never happened, he's still happily married to Oriana, and their young son Oren aspires to be a noble warrior just like his father one day.

Saiorse is serving as an up-and-coming Commander of Ferelden's royal army. She's married to Leliana, an expatriate of Orlais, who now serves as the Spymaster of Ferelden.

Niamh, of course, is the youngest. Because of her strong familial ties to the Mac Eanraig family, she's widely-acknowledged as the named heir and successor to her Aunt Eithne, who never married or had children of her own, which means the mantle as head of the Mac Eanraig clan as well as the position of Admiral to the family's entire fleet will go to Niamh by right upon her aunt's retirement or death.

For the time being, however, Niamh's position in this verse is similar to the one she has in her Take Me Under AU, where she's the Captain of the Mac Eanraig's fleet of research vessels. Their purpose is the study and conservation of marine biology, which is well-suited to Niamh's inner scholar. 🤓

Niamh still has access to her magic in this AU, and while it's true that she's grown up and trained on warships nearly all her life like her mother before her, she reserves violence as a last resort. Of course, she's not above protecting those near and dear to her in whatever way she can, which we'll discover later. 😉

Back to the story!

---

Josephine knows the Teyrn's youngest daughter is hardly avoiding her.

The woman's duties to her extended family, however, meant she was still out at sea by the time Josephine and her siblings had first docked at Amaranthine's port and settled into Highever.

Unfortunately, each day that passes without any progress toward securing a marriage contract only seems to fill Josephine with nagging doubt over her ability to see the matter through. As a means of distraction, she busies herself with fussing over the welfare of her younger siblings, but by then, each had found their own ways of keeping themselves occupied around the castle and the teyrnir in general (under the patient supervision of the various members of the castle guard, of course). Thus, they don't necessarily need Josephine at their side at every waking moment.

Uncertain with what to do with herself one day, Josephine mindlessly meanders through the castle's sprawling gardens. Therein, she sits in the shadows beneath the base of a large tree, and in the calm serenity surrounding her, the very careful mask of controlled dignity she's been wearing until that moment finally starts to crumble. Despite her best efforts, she can't stop her tears once they start. She doesn't know how long she sits there, weeping quietly into her hands. Soon enough, however, her breath hitches with a start when she feels the touch of a cold nose and whiskers against her leg.

Briefly bunching her fingers into fists with her fright, she looks down to see what is ostensibly a small, white cloud at first glance. Confused, she gracelessly wipes the tears from her eyes to clear her vision, but when she does, she sees a little puppy sitting before her instead, who watches her with a curious tilt of a head—a sight that's made all the more adorable with his drooping ears and his soft whine of concern.

Upon closer inspection, she also discovers the pup isn't quite a uniform white. Along his back is a gradient of dark fur markings, similar to a standard mabari. A little storm cloud then, she thinks with some amusement. Josephine wagers he's part of some specialized breed. She's curious as to how he got there though, but he seems friendly enough. She giggles when he licks at her fingers when she moves to pet him, causing his little tail to wag happily.

"Are you alright, my lady?"

The voice startles her for the second time in as many minutes, and she looks up to see a woman standing just at the shadowed edge of the tree. As if in answer to her earlier question, Josephine spots a multitude of white-furred puppies milling around the woman's legs. She reasons they're litter mates of her newest companion. Two mabari warhounds also stand nearby, but their appearance there at all makes Josephine wonder if the woman is perhaps one of Highever's Kennel Masters. She certainly has the musculature of someone not unused to hard work, and Josephine finds that she has to keep herself from staring at the bare arms on display before her. It doesn't simply have to do with the defined lines on them—or at least that's what she tries to convince herself—but moreso her surprise that the other woman doesn't seem at all cold.

Granted, the weather in Southern Thedas is certainly far cooler than what Josephine is used to, especially with the onset of autumn here, but the woman seemed exceedingly comfortable in her simple outfit of a sleeveless tunic, leather trousers, and boots--all a uniform black save for the silver buckle of her belt to cinch the tunic tighter around her waist.

The limited color palette pair well with the woman's appearance though with gentle waves of hair as dark as a raven's wing along with eyes that are like liquid moonlight.

Josephine also can't help but notice her accent is similar to the one borne by the various men and women whom make up the impressive Mac Eanraig fleet in Amaranthine—a distinctive, airy inflection that doesn't quite align with the standard Fereldan lilt. Could she be the daughter of one of the former raiders?

When the woman merely tilts her head in question—the gesture reminding her of the same one the puppy did earlier—Josephine flushes with embarrassment when she realizes she still hasn't responded to the earlier question.

"Oh! Please, pay me little mind. I'm just being silly..." She looks down at her lap with a sigh. "Honestly, it's a foolish thing to cry over."

But that only leads the woman's brows to draw together in concern. "If it's driven you to tears, my lady, then I'm inclined to disagree. You needn't tell me all the details if you don't wish to, but if you'd perhaps like someone to listen to your concerns as a means of navigating your thoughts and emotions, then I would not be opposed to doing so."

The offer is a kind one, Josephine acknowledges. She bites her lip in thought while her restless fingers gently pluck at the folds of her dress.

"My family is in danger. As a means to try and protect my siblings and I from further attacks by our enemies, my parents arranged a betrothal for me to a woman I've never even met. In order for the arrangement to even work though, she would also have to agree to it, and..." Josephine pauses with a sniffle. "...and I'm terrified that she won't. No one would agree to an engagement on such limited notice!" she blurts out. "I know I was always expected to marry as the presumptive heir to my family, but I never imagined it would be this soon! There's still much so much I want to do with my life, and I know it's selfish of me to even think that, especially since going through with this would mean my brothers and sister would be safe, but if I can't convince my wife-to-be to agree to the marriage contract, then this would all have been doomed from the start! I don't want to fail them when so much rests on me successfully negotiating this!"

Josephine can feel her thoughts spiraling anxiously as her words came out in an undignified rush, but she can't help herself. A look up at her guest reveals those misty-grey eyes have gone wide with seeming realization of the situation. Josephine's embarrassed that someone has seen her fall apart like this, but she can only give a grateful, watery smile when the other woman pulls out a handkerchief for her, which she uses to delicately dab at her eyes.

"If I could politely inquire," the woman begins quietly, "would you even be happy in this arranged marriage?"

"In time, perhaps," she replies tearfully. "My parents were also an arranged pair, but they grew to love each other greatly. I can only hope the same would be true of my partner and I. Still, I cannot help but envy the Teyrn and Teyrna," she admits.

Stories of The Soldier and The Sea Wolf had been told even all the way in Antiva after all. They had both fought side by side in the war against Orlais, and in its aftermath, they had both chosen to marry each other for love rather than simply as a means to accumulate more power and influence—a concept most rare across Thedas.

"Ah, yes." The other woman seems just as familiar with the couple's history if her gentle smile is any indication. "I suppose they were rather lucky in that regard."

"Most can only hope to be so fortunate."

"Such as yourself, I imagine. It seems as if you're sacrificing a great deal in this betrothal."

But Josephine can only shake her head. "No more than what my parents have already sacrificed to keep my siblings and I safe. If I can ease their stress while also ensuring my brothers and sister will be free from harm, then I would gladly accept this engagement again and again." She absentmindedly twists the fabric of the handkerchief about between her fingers. "I just worry the Teyrn's and Teyrna's youngest daughter won't agree to it. What if she believes I'm not a worthy suitor? What if she doesn't like me?"

"Given the kindness of your heart, I have difficulty believing anyone would find you unlikable," the woman offers reasonably. She cants her head then. "But I imagine that's not all that's bothering you, is it?"

Josephine shakes her head. "No. I've never been away from Antiva like this before, and I know I have my siblings here with me, but it's just..." She hiccups before continuing on shakily. "...I'm still very far away from home, and I don't even know anyone here."

As if in reaction to her distress, the pup from earlier whines before doing his best to climb atop her lap to offer comfort. He's still rather uncoordinated, however, and a slip of a back paw immediately leads him to tumbling off it with startled yelp. Josephine can't help but giggle at the sight, but before she can offer to help the friendly little mabari up again, a shadow edges closer. She looks up just in time to see the other woman has quietly closed the distance between them to take a knee in the dirt beside her. Slim fingers wrap around the pup to lift him up, and Josephine has to bite her lip to keep from further laughing as his paws paddle madly in the air, as if attempting to swim his way toward her.

"My lady, I admit I don't have an answer to all of your immediate concerns," she begins, "but if it pleases you, perhaps you'd be interested in having this pup and I as your first friends here in Highever?"

In spite of herself, Josephine finds herself immediately taken in by the warm smile directed her way. Giggles fall effortlessly from her lips when the woman moves the puppy closer toward her—albeit slow enough that Josephine can move herself away if she desires it— allowing him to lick away the remainder of her tears.

As she stares into silver-colored eyes, she can't help but think, Why couldn't it be you I fell for?

---

Of course, there's a hilarious moment when Josephine realizes just who Niamh is when the woman in question sits across the table from her that evening at dinner, especially when she's properly introduced by her parents.

In comparison to her earlier outfit (Niamh had just arrived home from a long voyage and hadn't had a chance to change yet), she's wearing garments more fitting of her station as a Teyrn's daughter.

She looks utterly gorgeous, and there's a moment where Josephine wants to die from embarrassment because she somehow didn't make the connection earlier to Niamh's identity. Of course, her mortification only grows when her seven-year old sister (I'm making up ages for Josephine's siblings at this point) Yvette loudly points it out.

"Josephine, why is your face so red? Are you sick? You look like papa when he drinks too much of the juice at parties."

And then the rest of Josephine's siblings have a little fun at her expense by also teasing her.

Niamh takes the reunion in stride though, effortlessly drawing Josephine and her siblings into conversation throughout dinner, which ends with her asking if Josephine would like to join her for a stroll out to a pond in the garden.

Josephine agrees eagerly.

---

As mentioned earlier, Niamh wasn't at Highever when Josephine and her siblings first arrived weeks earlier. She was out at sea to document the migratory pattern of an endangered marine species. She was actually brainstorming ideas with the Commanders of her research vessels about how to best restore the habitat the creatures had once thrived in when she received a messenger raven from her parents, detailing the plight of the Montilyets, which also required her to return home as soon as possible.

Admittedly, it wasn't the best situation to discover herself in.

Given how busy Niamh is with her usual duties to both sides of her family, she hadn't really given much thought about marriage. She was still thinking about it by the time she arrived at her family's castle, and as a means to further contemplate her choices, she takes a stroll through the garden, offering to the castle's Kennel Master to walk the latest litter of mabari pups about as well.

It's there that she originally finds Josephine, and as she reveals her dilemma, Niamh quickly realizes this is the same woman she's to be potentially betrothed to. Their conversation together quickly cements Niamh's decision about the matter though.

Thus, she agrees to the arranged marriage that same evening, much to Josephine's relief. 😄

While Niamh was admittedly hesitant about the idea, the fact that they both seem to care deeply about their respective families sealed the deal for her. She wasn't sure if she'd do anything differently were she in Josephine's position. That, and she could tell that Josephine's genuinely a wonderful woman.

---

When she and Josephine later begin to draft together the contract, Niamh makes it exceedingly lax on her part.

She offers no set marriage date, so the engagement could very well be a years-long one without any real intention of a marriage ever happening. She also has no issue if Josephine chooses to take another lover during their engagement—a fact that scandalizes Josephine when it's brought up.

Niamh, of course, remembers Josephine mentioning how much she still wants to do in life. As such, Niamh's very determined to have Josephine lead as normal a life as possible without much intervention on her part. Although she agreed to the betrothal as a means to help Josephine's family, Niamh always wants her to have a choice, especially in regards to anything she feels most passionate about. Niamh wants her to have the freedom to choose whatever her heart desires even if it means they would eventually break off their engagement, especially if the Montilyets ever successfully restore their name and trading status.

As with any engagement, however, that does require them to spend time together.

Josephine hasn't grown up on a ship quite like Niamh and her family have. That opportunity was long lost to her thanks to the Du Paraquettes' claims against her family before she was even born. She's always held a great love of the water though, and I think Niamh would recognize that easily. As such, she constantly invites Josephine aboard her ship whenever she has to make research trips around Southern Thedas or even beyond it.

Niamh even makes a point of inviting Josephine's siblings along as well to share in the experience. While some would assume it to be an easy way of further ensuring their eventual marriage by earning the affections of her brothers and sister, Josephine realizes that Niamh also wants to make them feel just as welcome.

Yvette, the youngest of all Josephine's siblings, is practically Niamh's shadow, following her about with wide-eyed wonder, completely in awe over the woman who is both a respected Captain as well as an avid scholar and explorer.

Niamh comes to greatly enjoy the company of the Montilyets—Josephine especially. 😏

For Josephine, she finds within Niamh both a friend and a fine partner—someone who can match wits against her with utter charm and aplomb. She's delighted to discover the other woman is also unbelievably sweet.

There are times where Niamh's duties require her to be away from Josephine. Still, Niamh finds various ways to indicate to Josephine she's constantly thinking about her.

Josephine can't stop the way her heart flutters whenever she receives little trinkets by messenger raven from Niamh. They're never anything terribly expensive: a pressed flower, a sketch of something interesting she'd found and wished she could share in person with her, a polished rock that happened to remind Niamh of the color of Josephine's eyes, etc.

It becomes quite evident to everyone else around them that they're both catching feelings for one another. They're both just too nervous to admit it. 🤣

---

Of course, there's brief trouble when rumors run ever rampant in Antiva regarding the Montilyet family. The latest one claims Josephine's parents essentially sold her off in a loveless marriage to a Fereldan sea warlord.

Lord Otranto of Antiva takes exception to this, and in a misguided attempt to save Josephine, his men kidnap her while she and Niamh are visiting Gwaren. Josephine had been strolling through some of the trading stalls while Niamh was busy discussing business matters with Anora. That's likely the only reason Otranto's men are able to get away with it.

Needless to say, Niamh is not the least bit happy when she finds out what happened...

She commandeers one of her aunt's fastest ships to Antiva, and what follows in her wake is a storm the likes the country has never seen before—testament to Niamh's fury and concern over Josephine's well-being.

Her actual confrontation with Otranto is similar to how the duel went down in Inquisition if you romanced Josephine.

---

Despite just debarking an impressive warship, Niamh wanders alone into the courtyard, where both Otranto and a crowd of curious people are waiting.

"Your reputation as the Storm Wolf is as true as they say," Ontranto remarks cautiously before lifting his chin defiantly. "How like a warlord to make their entrance in such violent fashion before a duel has been decided."

"'Violent?'" Niamh parrots almost playfully, but her smile is more a baring of teeth than an actual gesture of amusement. "I had no idea you found a bit of rain to be such a bother. Very well then."

With a simple snap of her fingers, the downpour suddenly stops although the clouds above them are still an ominous grey—a clear indication of Niamh's current mood. Deciding the courtyard was as good a place as any to hold a duel, she sends a small wave of fire—barely ankle-height—across the cobblestones between her and Ontrato with a flick of her wrist, drying the rain that had left them so slick earlier.

"Impressive," he admits grudgingly, "but how do I know you won't resort to using your magic again in this duel?"

"Then feel free to decide the weapons for us," Niamh remarks easily. "I'm a mage, yes, but I am as familiar with just about weapon that can be fought with upon the open seas. In addition to having two formidable warriors as my older siblings, I've also trained with the most seasoned raiders of the past Age across various warships. If that is not assurance enough for you, then let it go on record for all the criers present here that I am a woman of honor." For anyone present, there's little mistaking the absolute chill behind her wintry gaze as she regards her opponent. "And unlike you, I didn't have to steal Lady Montilyet like a thief in the night to earn her affections."

The words cause a rush of murmurs to travel across the ever-growing crowd. In emphasis of her disdain of the man before her, Niamh simply raises the staff she's been holding before slamming it back down with enough force that the staff blade embeds itself clean through the cobblestone as easily as a knife through parchment paper. She leaves it behind her without hesitation as she walks forward, and given how Otranto believes her to be such a violent warlord, Niamh has no qualms about perhaps using her bare hands to fight if the man insists on stalling their duel and keeping her from finding Josephine.

"Now kindly arm yourself, Lord Otranto, so that all of Antiva may see how outmatched you truly are..."

---

I will eventually do a proper fight scene, but let's just say it ends how everyone expects it to. 😂

At the climax, Niamh crosses blades with Otranto before using the strength behind her rapier to push him off. The man presses forward once more, but given she's used to sparring with great sword users like her sister, Niamh places enough power behind a one-handed downswing toward Otranto, who tries to block it, that she manages to snap his blade in half.

Weapon still in hand, Niamh approaches to interrogate him regarding Josephine's whereabouts. Before that even happens, however, Josephine makes her appearance in the courtyard, having successfully escaped the safehouse Otranto's men had been hiding her in.

Josephine begs them both to stop, and although the victor of the duel is already decided, Niamh immediately tosses her rapier away, surprising Otranto.

"You would have forfeited that easily had Lady Montilyet arrived earlier?"

"While it's true that I can bring the heavens and seas to heel beneath my power, I also understand the freedom of surrender to one who is most deserving of it."

And Josephine's heart is pounding in her ears when she recognizes the implication behind Niamh's words. "'Deserving of it?' Do you mean...?"

And that smile never fails to send her heart fluttering as Niamh kneels before her. "Of course. Is it truly such a surprise that I would more than willingly bend the knee to you, Mo Mhuirnín?"

(Note: Mo Mhuirnín is an Irish term of endearment that is phonetically pronounced "Muh Voor-neen" and means "My Beloved.")

So, by this point, Otranto realizes everything he and the rest of Antiva had been told regarding Josephine's relationship with Niamh had been one huge lie by the Du Paraquettes. He's profusely apologetic about the entire thing, but Niamh just graciously waves it off, still riding high on the fact that Josephine returns her love.

The Montilyets do eventually get their name and trading status restored in both Antiva and Orlais after proving the Du Paraquettes had been spreading slander about them from the very beginning. The process of rebuilding will take years if not decades, but Niamh and Josephine are determined to make it work.

Niamh and Josephine are also eventually married with weddings taking place in both Ferelden and Antiva with their respective ceremonials customs involved.

So, yes, I can indeed imagine this pairing to be a very good one. 😉

#lee's inbox #josephine montilyet #female cousland/josephine montilyet #lee's au ideas #my writing #i hope you like this one anon! #thanks for sending this in and jumpstarting my brain with all the potential possibilities! 😄 #AU: A Question Ages Old #OTP: And the Colors are Golden and Bright Again

[kiss-my-freckle]

The person who wrote 4x04 was Brett Matthews and he started writing for the show in 3x22 until the last season. The episodes he wrote were good ones compared to many of the lackluster episodes later in the show. He also wrote for Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel. Julie often contradicts her answers about the sire bond vs what happens in the show that different groups of shippers accuse her of fan baiting. Elena argued on going to save Jeremy in 4x5 but many fans say that the show didn't differentiate a werewolf sire bond from a vampire one. They say that Elena's singular burning desire was to please Damon and therefore she had no free will even if Damon didn't order her since she wanted to please him, and that therefore he took advantage of her.

If he wrote 3x22, then I love him for it. 3x22 is part of my three-episode Delena masterpiece.

Damon never took advantage of the sire bond. And I do mean never. I refuse to listen to nonsense about the storyline. imo, it's according to what's shown on screen and nothing more. I devour a lot when I watch a show and I will pick apart what writers claim if it doesn't jive with what they've shown on screen. I do believe it's mostly fan baiting. They may feel the need to please fans, but I don't lol.

I won't lie. Elena had a certain extent of free will, and a lot of it was based on Damon's own wording. She had two choices with her diet. She could either feed on humans or she could desiccate. IF she didn't want to feed on humans, desiccating wouldn't have killed her. She could've done it for as long as it took them to find a fix for the sire bond and not went against her beliefs. If Damon can desiccate for three years, why the hell can't Elena? I feel there's a point to this sire. If not for Damon's blood, Elena would be dead, period. So if she's not going to feed on humans, she needs to desiccate until they find a fix. Sorry, not sorry, but girl needs to earn her life since she thought it so easy to die and so much as expected to.

Damon's sire for Elena to kill Connor came without a real choice. Still, I consider it an equal exchange. Taking a life in exchange for saving a life. If Elena wanted to save Jeremy's life despite her knowing Stefan was already attempting to save his life, then she needed to save all of their lives by killing a single Five hunter. Courtesy and common sense. Connor wants and plans to kill them all, and he already proved he'd stop at nothing to get the job done. He nearly killed April in the church and shot Tyler in front of the entire congregation ffs. Should Elena allow that problem to continue existing while she's STILL unable to feed properly, or should she struggle with two problems at once and just let the problems pile up as she goes? lol

I think some fans take the sire bond to the extreme, speaking as if Elena is Damon's slave. Uhm, no she's not. Elena has wiggle room just as compulsions have loopholes. That's why I mention Damon's wording. Elena didn't have to feed on humans. Desiccation. Problem solved, ta-da. Girl literally planned to sleep for 60 years, but she can't give up a little bit of time so as not to hurt humans? lol

[gagmebucky]

it’s Me again... back with another breeding kink fic.

anonymous asked: Can you do another breeding kink Bucky??😭😩💞

His hips stutter with wild jerks, lurching your bed and its frame into the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chokes, cheeks flushed and jaw clenched. “You can’t say shit like that, baby.” His hands dig into your skin bruisingly, an animalistic fire he’s resisting alight in his dilated pupils. “‘Cause I will. With the way your tight pussy is squeezing me, I’ll fill you up until you’re dripping for days after, and there’s no doubt you’re knocked up with my kid.” 

in which you beg bucky to cum inside you. (includes breeding kink, dirty talk, unprotected sex.)

—

As it turns out, the sperm of a super soldier is especially potent. Which means regular ‘ole birth control doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, and for that, specially modified treatment has been given to you.

Yes, the very serious and dangerous S.H.I.E.L.D agency has created a shot so that you’re able to fuck your superhero bareback without the threat of a child. The only catch is re-upping; it lasts a year, but there’s a month needed before you can get your next one, something about needing to give your reproductive system a break from the chemical.

It’s a difficult month, becoming harder and harder as the weeks wined down.

Of course, you use condoms but there’s a mutual disdain for the material. Plus, it’s not the same—that barrier between you, unable to be as close as possible with him, the emptiness of not being filled until you’re dripping. But, thankfully, both of you have made it through and there’s only a few days left.

However, for good measure in the last week, you’ve been staying with Wanda and Natasha. Speaking of who, the couple are throwing a housewarming, no longer compound-bound, and his attendance is iffy. It’s understandable considering just thinking about him has you ready to explode.

Not to mention, it’s a pool party, and you’re wearing a saucy bikini.

“So when are you and Barnes gonna pop one out?” Natasha speaks casually, a wine glass between her fingers, curled up with her girlfriend on a lounge chair where they both watch you help set up. “Something tells me you won’t want to wait a whole year. Him, especially.”

That’s an understatement. Your man has chronic baby fever but in a respectfully adorable way. In the past, you’ve been apprehensive about offspring but he’s so optimistic and supportive you’ve definitely come around to the idea. “Soon, actually. Banner apparently has created a six month shot,” you tell her, absentmindedly folding a complimentary towel.

“Oh, yeah. How are you two doing on that front? You have a couple of days left before you can shack up again, right?” Nat’s eyebrow arches when your hands fumble and drop a towel at a mere reference to sex.

“Yes,” you answer after a steady breath, and you bend over to retrieve the textured cloth. “Seventy-two hours. It’s good he isn’t coming to your little thing ‘cause I think he’d maul me and vice versa. . .”

“Oh, Bucky,” Wanda’s pointed, mildly amused voice sets your spine rigid. “Hey! How’s it—”

At your fiancé’s name, you abruptly straighten up and spin on your heels. In a blink of an instance, he’s closed the distance—six foot form towering and determined, and the ravenous look in his eyes tells you what he’s going to do.

Your eyes widen, and you point sternly at him, uncoordinated steps backward. “Wait, wait—!” you try but his arms are latched onto your waist and hoisting you over his shoulder. Everything is upside down: a smiling Wanda and waving Natasha fades as he strides into the house.

“Bucky!” you yelp as he barrages into your room and slams you down, your back colliding with the perfectly made guest bed. Although you haven’t done anything, you’re panting as you push yourself to your elbows. Astounded by your future husband’s caveman-like display, you stare up at him. “Goddamn it! We still h - have three days—Buck.” The ending is a pitiful whimper because the way he’s leering at you does a number on your libido. 

Icy blues assess every inch of you, lashing over your exposed skin with shards of heat. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip while he regards you covetously, and his hands undo his belt buckle. “Are you kidding me?” he says as if the notion of waiting any longer is genuinely funny. “You’re wearing that, and you think I can endure three more days of this hell?” His pants fall with a clink, and the sound echoes in your clit. “I don’t fucking think so.” 

Goosebumps arise everywhere. You’re already creaming your bathing suit—the one you purposely picked out knowing the skimpy two-piece would drive him wild. Desire pumps through your veins like adrenaline as you watch him undress, shirt plopping to the floor, length swelling to bob against his navel; then he’s prowling to you on the bed. 

“Bucky,” you whisper, maintaining hungry eye contact, and reach back for the box of condoms on the nightstand (just in case, you had told yourself). A hand wraps around your ankle faintly while you feel blindly for the new brand of protection. “Let me just—” You turn to secure the package, it’s at your fingertips but you’re wrenched down. 

“Hi, baby,” he says with an impossibly cute grin, quirking up as he settles you underneath him: your calves hike over his kneeling thighs, nylon-spandex clad center flushed against his. In quick succession, his fingers pinch the knitted strings on either side and pull them loose until the fabric drops free. Bared already slick by his mere vicinity, he’s teasing your slit, tip rasping over your quivering bundle of nerves. 

“That’s good - that’s so good.” A high moan tears from your throat. “Fuck me.” He’s leaking, smearing pre-cum against you, thick and heavy, ready to pound into you. “There’s the - there’s a—” You’re pointing to the box but he’s already snapped forward. 

“Can’t let another second pass without my dick shoved inside you,” he breathes, then in a powerful glide, he prises inside you, fighting past the resistance to fit snugly. You both moan in unison, loud and in relief. His arm scoops you up beneath your back, un-looping your halter top and doing away with it before he hauls you by the small of your back and reels you until you’re face to face; his forehead on yours. 

You can draw the feel of him: hilt deep, silky smooth with noticeable veins pumping from base to tip, well endowed nudging, impressive girth stretching. It’s heaven, undeniably. Your body lights up with fever, trembling in anticipation. 

“You feel good,” you mewl airily, passionately, “really good. God. Too good.” Your thighs cinch around his waist as his hands support you beneath the curve of your ass. “You aren’t wearing a condom.” You can’t manage to be chaste about it when he’s sating that hollow space that’s been driving you crazy. 

He releases a dark chuckle. “Trust me, I fucking know.” He rocks in, pubic bones flush against you, and swivels circles on your clit, making your walls flutter; he groans. “For the love of Christ, have you always felt this fucking good? You’re like tight velvet made for my cock. Gonna make me blow so many fuckin’ times, aren’t you?” 

Of course. You can’t withhold your assenting moan. “But if you cum inside me, I will get pregnant, Buck,” you remind him, and another noise shakes through his chest. Your jaw drops as you look at him incredulously. “Did you - did you just get harder?” 

There’s not an ounce of shame in him. “Mention having my kid again, and I’ll make it a fucking reality,” he growls before pressing his lips on yours. It’s rough and needy, biting and tasting every inch of your mouth, then fizzles sloppily as he adjusts and basks in your vice-like channel. Parting from you, a centimeter away, he reassures you genuinely: “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out.”

Truth be told, you don’t care either way. God knows with the sensational feeling that he’s wedged in, you don't want—nor can bare—that flim of rubber separating you. You rake your nails down his chest, smooth your palms around to his flanks and tug him closer. “Yeah.” You nod quickly. “Just - just fuck me, please, please.” 

At that, he’s more that obliging. Palming your thighs, he upheaves you and drives in with pummeling strength. The closeness of your bodies has him hitting your clit with every downward falter, tunneling long awaited sensations through your core. 

He’s hitting that spot, expert thrusts with a tilt so his tip mashes it, rawing over until it expands that bubble tight in your gut. And you’re meeting him for each perfect stroke, clawing down his sides as you milk him for all he’s worth. 

“Look at you.” He marvels, awed. “It’s like riding a bike.” His hand cracks down on your ass in encouragement, immediately coming back to knead into your cheek, fingers spread and digging in. “C’mon, give it to me. Do me good, baby.”

“Fuck,” you gasp and work yourself harder with his help, undulating. Your fever rises and starts to boil to the top. 

“Y’close?” he asks knowingly, kiss-swollen lips parted, words fanning the column of your throat. The arm around your waist guides your leveraged hips, bouncing you up and down his cock at a hastened speed; it nudges deeper and deeper in a frenzy, making you twitch around him. “Yeah, you are.” He nods with a pleased smile. “Then I’m gonna pull out, okay?”

Once you come apart, he’s going to spill over your stomach and tits—as afore promised, but your mind and body both agree on otherwise. It’s a beforehand weighed decision, confirmed in a moment that feels so fucking phenomenal you cant dey. You squeeze your inner muscles and shake your head insistently. “Don’t.”

His electric blues widen as he jolts at your request, disbelieving but clearly interested in the prospect. “What?” His hands have already moved to your hips, palming them in preparation to lift you off him, still gliding you along him. 

Your arms encircle his neck, clutching him closer as you pleadingly repeat: “Don’t, Bucky. Don’t pull out. Please?” 

That vein on his underhead pulses wildly, a tremor working through his body. He buries his head into your neck with a groan, vibrating against the curve. “Fuck,” he croaks, muffled and pained, “that’s not funny. You - you can’t joke like that, or I’ll fucking blow.” 

An orgasm electrifies underneath your skin and tightens in your center, extracting another guttural sound from him. You tangle your fingers into his short locks and tug the roots back until your nose nuzzles his. “Not a joke. Cum inside me, please,” you beg earnestly. “I wanna feel you. I want you to cum inside me. Won’t you please?” 

His hips stutter with wild jerks, lurching your bed and its frame into the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chokes, cheeks flushed and jaw clenched. “You can’t say shit like that, baby.” His hands dig into your skin bruisingly, an animalistic fire he’s resisting alight in his dilated pupils. “‘Cause I will. With the way your tight pussy is squeezing me, I’ll fill you up until you’re dripping for days after, and there’s no doubt you’re knocked up with my kid.” 

“God, yes,” you moan and cup his cheeks to see the passion in your eyes, the struggle in his. “That’s what I want. You said, whatever I want, I get, right?” Your lips graze his as you urge, “I want you to cum inside me, Bucky. Don’t you wanna be a daddy?” The last prompt is purred, and that does it. 

He snarls. It triggers him to erupt, emptying himself with long and seemingly never ending spurts. His fingers slip between your bodies and mercilessly rubs your clit: overloading until the orgasm lulls through you and the sensations are wrung out of you, and you’re clamping down. 

The fire sinks into your bones and wracks you with convulsions. Likewise sporadic tremors in him simmer to a reluctant stop, incurring spasms from your walls before finally calming down. 

“What the - what the hell was that?” Bucky asks, expression feral, the remnants of his reckoning drips onto the bed, still sheathed in.

You shrug breathlessly. “I figure I won’t be showing by the time we get married, and I don't want to wait six months to start trying. Unless you don’t want—” You start lifting off but he grabs ahold of you. 

“I do,” he interrupts swiftly, a bite to his voice like he’s offended at the assumption. “I do.” With the repetition, he repositions you to your back, hips recoiling until his cockhead is twitching at your entrance, and hovers above you. “My baby having my baby? There’s nothing I want more.”

[send feedback here / my masterlist here] 

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes smut #marvel imagines #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfiction #my writing #i am a lil rusty? and ansty to post something so! #never claimed to be a good writer so! loophole :-)

[reaction2whatever]

Agents of SHIELD season 2 thoughts

Finally finished with agents of shield season 2 and ahhh I think I'm falling in love with this series. It's definitely a good and strong season. Imma divide my thoughts into two parts and ramble my way through in each part

Plot

I think season 2 has a much stronger plot than season 1

This season's plot revolves around a single character Skye and I don't think there is any question about that. Every plot thread comes back to her and boy do I love it.

It is so common and so standard for a man to be the main protagonist and be in the eye of the storm of a story that things like the Bechdel test exist. (Bechdel test asks whether a story has two named women talk to each other about something other than a man.)

See, it is so ridiculous that whether a story has two named women talk to each other about something other than a man is a question. It was so standard for woman to be the background noise that I was pleasantly surprised that in season 1 Skye seems to be the protagonist that represents the viewer's perspective.

And somehow in season 2 the production and writers make Skye, an canon half-Chinese girl be the focus of the story.

That is a rarely seen breathe of fresh air and I loved every second of it.

I think this season can be roughly broken down into three arcs: the alien writing was actually a 3d city/Skye getting her power and two shield/showdown between inhumans and shield

It is very clever of the writers to layer their story in this way because let's face it, 22 episodes are a LOT for a single story. If they put in too much filler/ irrelavent episodes, the show will feel very tiresome and boring to watch

These arcs were also very much linked and intertwined together. each arc progress into the next seamlessly and I love that very much

It is also very satisfying to see a lot of the questions be answered step by step, and they really tried to give a logical reasoning behind the stroy.

I was pleasantly surprised that the show answered the questions about Coulson's impulsive writing in the early episodes of the season when I thought they'd for sure drag this mystry on and on for many episodes

I was truly invested when Skye gradually discovered and learned to control her powers. The introduction of her parents didn't feel forced and both parents contributed to how the story progressed.

It also answered the question of why is Skye an orphan and why she is an 084 quite nicely

The final arc is probably the most questionable out of the three? Because I still think Skye's mom has some good points and I still think they probably wrote her mom to be more evil than she needs to be to have a intense finale.

Overall I think the plotting of this season is pretty crazy and pretty logical at the same time, which is ideal for a show like this. It keeps the viewers engaged without seems all over the place or have too many loopholes.

The questions that I had after season 1 have all been answered now and that's very satisfying for me

Characters

Skye

She transitioned from the new girl in a big organization to a superhero in this season and I was in awe during the whole process.

Like I said earlier, she for sure is the star of this season. The obelisk and the alien writing plot lead the team to the temple where Skye got her power. The main villian of the first half, Whitehall, was the man who tortured Skye's mom. May's background story was about two inhumans. The alien/Skye related plot made two shield fight each other and the final boss villain of the season is Skye's mom

Almost every plot leads right to her heritage, her powers and her growth.

I really, really love this.

I never got into marvel movies because I've seen fans defending the franchise by claiming things like "half of the mcu movies passed the Bechdel test" and it's a good/positive thing.

But guess what? I don't think that's good enough. Or at least i don't want to settle for movies that focuses solely on male characters

I love myself some strong women characters and Skye is a very good example of that.

At the beginning of the season I was cheering for her sliding down a rope and at the end of the season I think of her as one of the strongest fighter in shield(when she uses her power, of course).

I think the writers make her grow without making it seems abrupt or too sudden. She acquired the ability to fight well during the course of two seasons and I think it's way better than some training montage.

She's gotten more serious in this season. She still cracks jokes, but not as much as before, and I guess she also doesn't hack as much as she used to.

I love hacker Skye but I guess she's got so much on her plate and afterlife doesn't look like a place that has good internet services lol

This season she found her parents, she got a new super power, her two families fought a war against each other. She's went through a lot and I hope she got herself some therapy with May's ex husband lol

May

May's background story was finally introduced in this season and I love that for her.

I was worried after season 1 and the beginning of season 2 that May was going to become blindly loyal to Coulson. I really didn't want her character to revolve around Coulson and it didn't happen and I liked that

May has her own judgement and opinion, which was very much fleshed out in that fight between two shield and the way she pursued the truths when she found out Coulson has lied to her

I do think the writers didn't use her character to its full potential. Partially because they introduced a new character Bobbi who is more or less taking over May's "kick-ass specialist" space

A lot of the things that Bobbi did on screen like some fighting scenes or interrogation scenes would have been perfectly fine if it's May's character too

I hope in season 3 she gets more screen time

Also please get May to fight more. I love kick ass May

Simmons

Simmons really changed a lot this season. I loved her arc of undercovering in Hydra.

I guess I didn't really want her to be so against alien but I understand her reasoning.

I was pretty surprised when she was so ready and planned out to kill Ward, but yeah I don't blame her. She's got good reasons.

I do think it's a shame that in season finale, Simmons's appearances were either to help Bobbi or talk about the FitzSimmons relationship.

How come Simmons didn't have anything to do with the season finale plot when she's supposed to be one of the main character.

Fitz

First of all I want to say that the actor who plays Fitz can act really well. He totally sold the whole brain damaged act. His acting was very on point

Surprisingly tho, this season I enjoyed his friendship with Mack with Skye more than FitzSimmons.

He is the sweetest for helping Skye with her power when everyone else was so afraid.

(sidenote:)I do hope FitzSimmons get together next season. But Simmons is who knows where and I feel like that experience will definitely be used as a plot device to make FitzSimmons angst even more

Coulson

I feel like Coulson is more interesting this season than the last? he's got more layers to him now. He is not just a good boss character.

This season I almost was concerned that he's gonna become crazy.

He dealt with a coup relatively with grace

He got to be the director of a once massive organization and he's got more responsibilities.

Ward

He is a good villain. Gotta give it to him. It is very rare that a fictional character can get under my skin this much like Ward did.

He is a deflecting son of a bitch who always has someone to blame but god damn it he got me frustrated

Bobbi and Hunter

Love them. Badass/Funny supporting characters

I feel like Bobbi is one of my favourites now. She's so cool

Trip

Man I was so sad he died. I love him. He could have been a great ship with Skye. Like I always said, he's a upgraded good guy Ward. He's a good man. I'm gonna miss him

Mack

I guess I didn't pay much attention to him? His friendship with Fitz is nice but he's annoying in that two shield arc. I like him in the last episode and I don't know if he's really quitting shield.

Koenigs

They are adorable lol. Just how many of them are out there? are they clones? robots? what are they?

Cal

Man Cal's actor can act!

His character is soo interesting and fun. He walks the line of black and white.

He is a murderer and killed many people. But somehow I understand his pain and I know he loves Jiaying and Skye very much.

I hope he lives his life in peace as a vet

Jiaying

I think she has solid points about shield

It's a shame that she died, but I guess it's a good thing that she died in the arm of Cal

Lincoln

He's so obviously a tailored love interest for Skye lol

It's nice. Usually in superhero shows, there is a woman character who does nothing but is the love interest of the hero

in agents of shield, it's a single, handsome, doctor man who mostly helps/supports Skye and gets rescued by Skye

It's nice lol

Gordon

No-eyes-man!

I didn't remember his name even after he died lol I googled him for his name

ugh sorry it's just that I remember him as no-eyes-man and that's that

I don't feel negative/positive for him lol he's more like a plot device who doesn't have much personality besides being loyal to Jiaying

Gonzales

See, he is supposed to be "the good guy"

But I just am annoyed by him and I like Cal a lot more than him

and Cal is supposed to be a monster

IDK, i just feel like if he was standing in front of me he'd give me lectures about how he's morally superior to me lol

ANYWAYS

my season 2 thinking thoughts is so much longer than season 1

man I'm falling for this show hard

anyways imma binge season 3 now lol bye

#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. #agents of shield

[thedeepweb]

Hi big fan could you write an imagine for phantom blood dio with an anemic reader ^_^

PB!Dio Brando with an anemic S/O

tags: angst, hurt, comfort, empowerment

You met him when he took over your village. He had killed countless in gruesome ways. He didn't just drink from them, but instead, since he was recently graduated, he wanted to put on his studies for good use.

He captured the villagers and made them increasingly complex questions about hypothetical legal situations. All of them were loopholes he loved exploring. The people were relieved when they were killed.

Or so you heard. What mattered was that you were being brought to him by two zombies. They forcibly shove you into kneeling. He was comfortly manspreading, several books around him.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A precious little dolly is before me" he says, his voice so sweet and deadly. He flips around some pages and makes several noises of delight as he reads, kicking his legs too. He's a bookaholic.

"Tell me, little lamb, would you instantly believe the accused if they made an insanity claim, without a psychological exam before?"

You start breathing really hard. Everything pointed out to yes, because who would plead insanity? But then your quick mind realises that that was the very own situation he planned to put you through.

"You have to doubt it. If there's no concrete proof, it's possible the accused is lying, or being forced to claim it. They might even be buying time with the evaluation so their lawyer can come up with a better defense"

He closes his book, eyes shinning. "Excellent answer. Now tell me, how much time would the acussed buy with that move? And what are the legal processes you should do in the meantime?"

Sweat begins pouring down your temples. How could you know that, you were a Victorian commoner?!

"Don't know it, huh? Come here, read this bit to get a hint"

But you didn't stand up.

"Hohoh, so you aren't standing up"

"No..." you admit. He gets up and angrily stalks towards you but you finish your sentence. "I don't think I can. I'm anemic"

Dio was flabbergasted. He had never met an anemic person before.

I, the writer, want to assure you this sadistic serial killer is open minded, so I begin describing what is like to be anemic and how he reacts to it, in a way that you, who is anemic because you requested what an anemic person would, find condensending. I'll doxx you and send my followers against you if you criticize me btw 💜

"I see. But blood types don't matter to me. Every mortal is a blood bag at the end of the day"

"Yeah!" you cheer, feeling accepted. But you lose your balance.

Dio quickly catches you in his arms and looks at your dizzy face.

You were so fragile in his arms. He has never felt this way before.

"So you lack iron in your blood?" (see how much research I did? 😤). He carried you away, bridalstyle.

He gently laid you on his bed, and a flinch of fondness goes through his eyes. No! Dio Brando has great plans and he has to carry them through! He can't feel... things for this feeble mortal.

He brings every piece of metal jewelry he has and starts putting it on you. By the time you realize you had several rings in each finger, at least 20 rosaries, several metal objects just put on you like they were coins and you a cornerstore cat, and a crown. You have never had so much luxury.

He lifts you up again, his big male shoujo eyes looking at you. "Better now, pet?"

You bring him in for a kiss. He corresponds.

"This is lovely, but you aren't thinking this will put iron back in my blood right? Can you bring me some lentils please?"

Dio is heartbroken. "No, no, of course I knew that" He was a lawyer, not a biologist for fuck's sake. "Foolish mortal!"

He drinks from you, angrily. No one humiliates Dio Brando!

But he has to quickly set you down. Now he is the one on the floor, coughing, spitting your blood out and overall suffering.

Could this be-?

"It was you, y/n" he exclaims. "You were the Phantom Blood!"

#jjba #dio brando #dio brando x reader #dio x y/n #dio x you #yandere #yandere dio brando #yanderecore #dark romance #slurp

[seyaryminamoto]

i just saw your post about how zuko’s redemption isn’t as well done as everyone thinks it is and like. holy shit my dude!! you put it into words!! i’ve always thought that the reason i didn’t like him was because he was woobified and acted like a shitty person i knew but like. fuck!! that’s exactly it!!! i loved that post

Hello there! Sorry for the late answer, and thanks for the ask!

I must admit, I'm not quite sure which post you mean x'D I have written quite a few pieces on my opinion regarding Zuko's redemption, but as my opinion on the subject is pretty much set in stone by now, whichever one you've read, I'm glad you agreed with it! :D

Tbh, while I understand, objectively, why people love his character arc, I really stand by the belief that a fair amount of people love what Zuko represents and symbolizes far more than they love his actual character. There's no denying that the messages intended through Zuko (you can overcome the trappings of your toxic past, you can choose to do better after you've made mistakes, you can grow out of twisted ideologies and sickening philosophies) are good and well-meaning (on the most part...). But there are so many loopholes, so many inconsistencies, so many moments that actually muddle his growth and make him soooo much more complicated than fandoms, official writers and even the creators seem to understand he is... and it's not the kind of complication that makes his arc better. If anything, it's the entire opposite thing, because more often than not, those inconsistencies actually make me question how much he grew and learned at all, and if what he's telling us he learned makes any sense with the process we literally saw him go through.

I definitely understand if part of your distaste for his character comes from personal experiences with people who resemble Zuko, that definitely can happen. There's one ATLA character I refuse to name names to avoid conflicts :'D who acts an awful lot like a very toxic person in my past. I do my best to set aside those misgivings because they're very much personal, but I 100% understand not being able to do it depending on how bad your experiences were, or how much you've healed from them. Still, if your bigger problem is the misfires in Zuko's character arc... I totally get you. If there's one sure way to make me skeptical about someone's opinions, it's when they say Zuko's redemption arc is the best one in the history of redemption arcs. I seriously hope to one day compile a big enough list of better redemption arcs to put those claims to shame xD I get it if it means a lot to people... but sorry-not-sorry, there are a lot of redemption arcs that are waaaaay better than his, and that address problems head-on and make the characters confront true consequences for their actions in ways Zuko never truly had to.

At any rate, I've pitched a tent in the ATLA impopular opinions corner since a very long time ago xD it's always great to know more people who think similarly, though! :D

#neuronary #sometimes I think I have left behind my problems with Zuko #(partly because I have also pitched my tent in a specific AU and getting me out of there is... difficult xD) #and so I try to be more open-minded about him #... then I see his fans praising him for things that make no sense and I realize nope #not gonna get over this not gonna change my mind #not in vain is he in my age-old overrated characters list #'tis the sad truth

[dgcatanisiri]

Look, I know the writers themselves say that it was always Spike’s intention to get his soul after the attempted rape, that he was horrified and wanted to fix himself.

Thing is... I refuse to believe that. I do not believe that Spike was going to get his soul.

And frankly, a good part of that is because of my own love of writing. Word choice MATTERS.

“Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserved.”

This is phrased this way for the explicit purpose of misdirecting the audience. But the thing is, it also means that Spike’s words ARE open to interpretation. “What I was.” “What she deserves.” This doesn’t actually SAY what these things are. Spike has been many things in his century plus. He definitely has believed that Buffy has deserved many things since they met. And my interpretation is not that he wants to be “the man he was, who Buffy deserves” by setting out to obtain a soul.

After all, Spike’s “love” of Buffy had, to this point, ALWAYS been portrayed as obsession. It’s something that has led to positive things, sure, with him refusing to give Dawn up to Glory, but it is still this obsessive, consuming THING that, by nature, cannot be love. Spike wants to possess Buffy and takes advantage of her. His role in Buffy’s arc during season six is to be the death she is flirting with all through her depression, the death she wants to return to, even though it means she will be consumed by it. Him CHOOSING a soul? Flies in the face of that - wanting to change, to make yourself better, is a selfLESS act. Oh, sure, in this instance, it’s a grand gesture and all, but... Spike knows Angel. He knows what having a soul does to a vampire, how badly it fucks up perfectly good monsters. And you’re trying to tell me he CHOSE to get one? Or, hell, to do what Angel did (never mind that Angel didn’t choose it)?

No, Spike went to that demon to get the chip removed, or to remove his feelings for Buffy, SOMETHING that would allow him to be the monster once more, the uncaring beast who would have ripped Buffy’s throat out by now, or even just walked away in knowing that he can’t win against her. And, taking advantage of the loophole that Spike so blatantly gave him, the demon gives him a soul instead - a demon like that is a genie, the kind who twist the words to give the person asking of them EXACTLY what they asked and not what they meant. The demon dresses him down for what he is when he arrives, being outright dismissive of what Spike has been made into since he became a member of the opening cast met Buffy, does that SOUND like a being who would be a source for a soul? Does that seem like the entity who you would turn to in wanting to be made a better man?

Spike wanted the monster back. He wanted to not be appalled at doing something horrible, something that to William the Bloody was casual - I mean, we don’t have stories of Spike raping during his days of pillaging, since he was single-targeted on Dru and all, but it’s not like vampires feeding on people HASN’T been played as a direct metaphor sex across the franchise - he wanted to be William the Bloody again. What he wanted was to not feel like he did with Buffy - he could hurt her after her resurrection, which meant that, if he didn’t “love” her, he could kill her and be done with the whole business of coming when she called (*ahem*). What he wanted was to be the Big Bad who rammed through the Welcome to Sunnydale sign in Season Two again. What he thought she deserved was “to be punished” for making him feel this way, punished without that pesky feeling of “love” getting in his way. And instead, what he got was being given his soul back, making him more like the man he was before he was turned by Dru.

The writers may have wanted to claim otherwise, but the way they wrote this whole bit? It says that Spike got a soul not by choice but because the demon genie decided to run through the loophole he left wide open and screw him over.

#dg rambles #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy meta

[crestfallercanyon]

Copyright, Fanfiction, and Fanart

(For the original discussion I posted in Reddit, click here. Also, there's a lot of debate in the comments about different perspectives on this that's really interesting! I recommend giving it a read if you're interested in other perspectives).

This post is about copyright. A little bit about what it is, what it means to the fanfiction writer, and also, why sometimes fanart gets special treatment in being able to monetize their art as compared to fanfiction.

There's been a lot going around lately about fanfic writers wanting to profit off of their fanfics, and this is a bit of a "fyi" on why you really really shouldn't try.

Just to get the ball rolling: you should not make money off of fanfiction. At least not off of anything you've written that is not currently public domain. It is illegal.

[This is not a statement of whether it will eventually be right or wrong to make money off of fanfiction, or whether in theory it should or shouldn't be allowed. It is, however, stating that as of right now, do not try to make money out of fanfiction, both for your safety, and the safety of the fanfiction community as a whole].

There are reasons for this, and I think it's worth explaining for those who don't know (or at least providing one articulated reason). For those who do, well, maybe you have differing opinions. Some of this isn't based on opinion, though, just for reference. Some of this is the fact of how things work (particularly in United States law).

Fanfiction, in its plainest description, is writing in someone else's idea. Someone else's idea that is copyrighted the moment it is written in a fixed (tangible) medium. That means the moment something is written on a napkin, it can be put under copyright. The moment it is recorded in a voice memo, it's under copyright. It just has to be out of your head in some way.

Now, of course, napkins and little voice memos may be disputed. For the most part though, if the medium has fanfiction about it, the medium is large enough that the source of the idea can be pinpointed without dispute.

Copyright protects the originator of the idea's idea from being stolen by other people. It ensures that the owner of the idea is the one who reaps the benefits of their creation. It is akin to a patent for ideas. That is why there is also a point where copyright disappears and the idea becomes public domain. That's another deal for another time.

[for clarity: parodies, critiques, and educational purposes are not treated as a breach of copyright for a variety of reasons. That is why the New York Times can make money on book reviews, for example, or why you can see things like Vampires Suck or SNL mocking Twilight].

Also for clarity, unlike trademark, there is no "use it or lose it" requirement. There is, however, a "protect it or lose it" requirement. Some creators are more dedicated in this protecting of copyright than others.

Fanfiction used to be far more contested than it was now. Decades ago, archiveofourown wasn't possible. The fact of the matter is, fanfiction is a privilege that was hard won. Which means that every time there is someone who attempts to make money off of fanfiction, that privilege is put at risk of being taken away. Don't believe me? There are authors who have made a hard stipulation against fanfiction, and -- you may correct me if I'm mistaken -- Fanfiction.net doesn't allow you to post those fanfiction using those author's books.

Which also, this isn't me bashing on those authors. They have every right to protect their idea.

The concerns authors have with fanfiction is, for the most part, twofold.

One: they will have profits lost due to other people in the world of their original works, even though it was their idea in the first place. There isn't just market competition in their genre that they have to fight against, it's competition in their own idea.

To explain, it's similar to the fact that you can have a new pizza restaurant to add to the market, but you can't call it Dominoes and steal their recipe and claim it as your own because it has little additions and flourishes. At that point, you are not only benefitting from the fact that Dominoes is an established name people may confuse your pizza with, but you are stealing profits that would be going to Dominoes pizza. Copyright protects not only the owner of the idea, but also the consumers who are trying to find the originator of the idea.

Two: if enough people begin to make money off of their own idea, their claim over their own idea starts to diminish. This not only lowers the amount of profit they can make on this idea, but also diminishes their control over their own idea.

The concept that I think of that's comparable to this is adverse possession of property (squatter's rights, for example). If enough people sit on another's property for extended periods of time and do nothing about it, eventually that property isn't theirs anymore. They lost control over it, they can't make money off of it, the value of their own property goes down because that space is gone.

So that's copyright. That's why fanfic writers cannot make money off of fanfiction. It's literally stealing, and is unfair to the original creator.

Now, many people ask, why don't fan artists get the same flak? Why can they make money off of making art based on an idea that wasn't their own?

And the answer may not be satisfying, but it's the truth: fan art is never going to be as policed as fanfiction because it works much more like free promotion for people's original ideas.

(There's an argument that fanfiction is also free promotion, but it's not nearly as effective as fan art -- same logic that goes into why advertisements for products are more visual than wordy.)

Think about it. Original creators love fan art. Video game creators post it on their websites, streamers make it stickers for their twitch services, authors pin it to boards and put it on tumblr and twitter and instagram.

Art takes seconds to process. A picture being worth a thousand words is debatable, but the processing time of a picture over a thousand words makes a picture that much more effective if you want quick access. People see it and go "ooh, what is that?" and then try to find what the artist is referencing. Then they stumble upon original creator's idea and are like "oh, now I'm interested!". They go to the original creator's idea and consume the original creator's works.

Yes, fanfic readers do read fandom blind sometimes, and sometimes fanfiction can spur people to go to the original creator's work, but it's less likely. At least for me, personally, I read a fanfic of someone and I'm inclined to go to that fanfic author's page -- not the original creator's things (now, the original creator's idea is why I'm in that fandom often in the first place, but, you get my drift).

(side note, someone made a very good comment on the reddit post -- they love fan art until they don't. Look to all the artists who initially made baby yoda merch on etsy only to have Disney go after them -- again because the individual artists at that point are taking profits away from the company).

Furthermore, unlike fanfiction, fan art doesn't (usually) give the impression that there's an attempted improvement upon the original creator's idea. (Not to say that every piece of fanfiction is stating that there's a flaw with the original work, but) a lot of fanfiction does stem from corrections, wish fulfillment, etc. Fanfiction is often the act of taking what people wish they could see in an original creation's idea and bringing it to life.

Fan art doesn't necessarily do that. They may just be painting a scene that occurred in the original work. They may just be drawing up their idea of what a character looks like. They're creating alternative visuals to the original work, but they're (generally) not adding plot bunnies or changing the story into something that people may end up enjoying more.

Now, there are artists who make aus and things like that, but again, it's the fact that people look at a picture and then move on. People don't stare at a picture as long as it takes for them to read a fanfic. The time taken away from the original creator's idea is not nearly as long from art alone. And time is money.

In short, fan art is free advertising that often doesn't divert consumer interest away from the original idea. Fanfiction doesn't operate as free advertising and often does divert consumer interest away from the original idea. That's why fan art is not going to get the stink eye from original creators, where fanficiton often does.

And again, original creators have the right to protect their idea as they see fit within the bounds of copyright.

Remember, the original creators of the works that we all love to write fanfiction about put a lot of heart and soul into making their ideas. Many creators who have fanfiction followings are not the big conglomerates with oodles of money to spare. They are just diehard lovers of creating, just like everyone here. Which is why the protection of their ideas is important and absolutely valid. I love writing fanfiction, but fanfiction needs to be honoring the original material, not screwing it over.

Thus, the main lesson from this? Fanfiction and fan art are not the same, and do not operate similarly. Thus, though fan art can make money off of their creations without getting policed, fanfiction writers I implore you: Do not attempt to make money off of fanfiction. You put the entire community of fanfiction writers at risk of having their past time taken away from them every time you do.

(I am saying this including kofi and patreon. Do not try to make money on fanfic through kofi and patreon. There may be a legal loophole there, but you don't want to find out by getting a cease and desist letter that your legal loophole via patreon and kofi didn't work --- furthermore, you put kofi, patreon, and potentially archiveofourown/ff.net at risk, then, too).

For now, fanfiction is a labor of love that can only receive a profit of love. Please do not try to get paid for your fanfiction. Protect the fanfiction community.

Thanks for reading!

#fanfiction writer of tumblr #fanfiction faqs #fanfiction discussion #copyright #questions #potential answers #protect the fanfic writing community #it's okay to be butthurt about not being able to make money #but please don't try to make money #at least not until the legally gray area of fanfiction gets resolved #hopefully in fanfics favor #fan art compared to fanfiction

[vaguely-concerned]

Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements! 

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’ 

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol) 

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s  r e a l l y  not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol. 

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)  

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy) 

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel  p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting  

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?) 

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play. 

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like? 

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda 

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D: 

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially. 

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game 

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #I'm sorry about this my brain just won't shut up about this suddenly so here we go #reyes vidal #meta

[ask-de-writer]

Genii’s Junk (1 part) – A tale of the Bizarre Borderland

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to the Bizarre Borderland

GENII’S JUNK

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

© 2014 by Glen Ten-Eyck

2581 words

Writing begun 06/19/14

From an idea by Alte Seely, who wondered what a Bizarre Borderland junk yard would be like.

All rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge. I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.

All sorts of fan activity including but not limited to art, stories, musical compositions, plays or anything else is ACTIVELY ENCOURAGED.

///////////////////////

There were a few old, gnarled trees out in front. The building itself was totally unremarkable. Just an old, cheap sheet metal structure. The peeling, sun-faded sign read “Genii’s Junk – Worth anything or not, I buy it or sell it. If you need it, I have it. But it may need work!”

I parked in the shade of one of the trees and strolled into the slight gloom of the cool interior. There were dozens of racks holding the multitude of things that Genii wanted to keep out of the weather. The sun in Border County is infamous for destroying anything that it shines on, if it shines long enough.

It had obviously not shone on Genii enough to do any harm! Lovely young looking lady. Appearances are deceiving. She is lovely enough to look at, yes. Young? Define your terms. I know for a fact that she helped to found the Ottoman Empire. Lady? Try calling her human if you want an earfull of excellent profanity without a single sleazy four letter word.

Like everyone in North or South America, if you trace back far enough, there are immigrants in the woodwork. Genii is one, sort of. She has been in the same location since at least 1530. That is the year, not the time on a 24 hour clock.

She told me herself that Cortez was one cranky customer.

Today, there was a slight individual with a large head hidden by a bigger hat at the counter. Genii had the oscilloscope and a big, hundred function multimeter out on the counter and three big power leads with clamps and adapters.

A long, too many jointed finger pointed at a stud on the device sitting on the counter. His (?) somewhat squeaky voice demanded, “Positive One go here! Not over there, stupid human!”

Genii’s lovely face curled into a snarl, showing her many fangs. “Watch who you call HUMAN, you gray trash!”

Settling some, she explained patiently, as if to a retarded three year old, “This is the anti-gee element of a 1942 Star Sweeper. From 1951 on, you are right. For any earlier models, if you want to do that test hookup, put your gold on the counter now. You will not be alive to give it to me later but you WILL have destroyed the unit.

“This is from one of the two that US Airforce took down outside of Roswell in 1947.” She turned to a LONG shelf of manuals and other books that sat on top of the massive number of scroll pigeon holes. Taking down a much thumbed manual, she expertly flipped through pages and pointed to a picture for the customer.

“There. Manufacturer’s Manual for the 1942 Star Sweeper. Hookup diagram and warnings…” The Gray examined the manual in something like shock.

“Where you get this? I give you two pound gold for it.”

With a sour expression Genii pointed over her shoulder at a sign in at least a hundred languages. One of them was the same as the one in the book. It read, “NO WRITTEN MATERIALS FOR SALE AT ANY PRICE!”

He (?) started to say something more, while trying to put the manual under his (?) coat. Genii, with a disgusted look, leaped over the counter like an acrobat. She hit the customer with both feet at shoulder level, flattening him (?). She took back the manual and hopped back across the counter to put it away.

She also took the device off the counter and lifted the oscilloscope back to its rack of test equipment.

The test leads and other gear went neatly back to their places. Brightening, she turned to me.

“What can I do for you today, Jimmy?”

Flipply I replied, “You could sell me your bottle, my dear, but I have heard a rumor that your personal home is not for sale.

“Actually, I was looking for a carpet. Something that isn’t a Belgian knock-off of a real carpet.”

Lighting up, she asked, “Hand loomed and knotted or machine made?”

“Hand knotted, I think, Genii.”

“What about a dubious one? I have one out on Aisle 34, about a four or five hundred yards down. I’ll loan you a yard wand to get you there. It is between the NC-2 and the De Haviland bomber. There is a rack there. I am sure that you will have no trouble finding it.

I snickered. “Anything on YOUR aircraft rows is fun. What do you have that is new to you?”

Genii grinned in delight. How about an X-B70? It needs a little work!”

I chortled, and asked, “Which aisle? I should have no trouble seeing a Valkyrie if it is anything like reassembled.”

Genii handed me a wooden pole with a wide bicycle type seat and handlebars on it. With a grin, she said, “Aisle 36! Have fun!”

Leaving the disgruntled Gray behind, I took the handlebars, activating the “Yard Stick” and took off. In only moments, I found the Aisle 34 marker and swooped around the turn, scooting down the Aisle.

The NC-2 was a great locator. The giant WW I sea-going biplane was totally intact. It had a 103 foot wingspan. For wood and wire technology there were few that ever matched its sheer size and NONE that could match it for range and load.

It was meant to launch in Maine and fly antisubmarine patrol all the way to the Florida keys, non-stop. The Great War ended before it and its three sister aircraft were finished.

Congress canceled the contract without payment. Curtis (the C of NC-2) went ahead and finished all four planes on their own dime, while Congressmen all got on the “They will never fly” and “defrauding the War Department” band wagons. When all four launched from the factory in Virginia and flew up to Maine, the world was astounded.

When they refueled, they took on as passengers those few Congressmen and Navy personnel still championing the NCs as practical aircraft. They then flew, non-stop to the Florida Keys, exactly as designed, except that they were carrying almost a 20% overload in passengers, instead of bombs and depth charges. That feat blew away the whole world at the time.

It also shut up the NC program critics more effectively than if they had been hit by the bombs that the planes were designed to carry. Congress quietly tried to pass Curtis the money that they were due, so that the US Navy could claim the aircraft.

Later, the four made a trans Atlantic Flight. The NC-1 disappeared in thunderstorms. Some wreckage was found. The NC-3 was forced down at sea. It was taxiing on only two engines when found. The tow to the Azores caused enough damage to the plane that it could not continue.

The NC-2 got to the Azores a day before the NC-4. It refueled. The weather being good, it took off for Lisbon and was never seen again. The NC-4 landed in the Azores, refueled and later landed safely in Lisbon harbor, the first airplane to fly the Atlantic. It is now in the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.

I made a note to ask Genii how she managed to get the NC-2 and set my yardstick down by the rack of carpets. They followed that old law, 90% of everything is crap.

Genii, as usual, was right about it not being hard to find the one that she had spoken of. It had a clearly later, and phony, Antwerp label sewed on. The work had been carelessly done. The metal needle used to sew the label on had damaged the port side lift and control spells, unless my Pocket Dowse and Spell Strength meter was wrong. Judging by the fringe and warp damage, it must have been some crash.

As I rolled up the carpet and strapped it to the Yardstick, I heard a warning siren. It was coming from the vicinity of the X-B70, whose huge nose and forward canards jutted above the intervening aircraft.

No chance to look at it, then. I headed back in to the shop. I got there just before the unearthly scream of the six monster jet engines being fired up. It sounded like the X-B70 was a live bird. If Genii was going to that much trouble, she very likely had a cash customer for it. I wondered who it was.

Sometimes Genii would talk about customers and sometimes not. It was never wise to pry. There was someone new at the counter. The Gray was still there. Still complaining.

Genii turned her back on him and told him, “You are right. I did not sell to you. I will not sell to you. You tried to shoplift PRINTED MATERIAL from ME! I have not let any written things go since Caesar screwed up our deal and BURNED the Library at Alexandria! You have only seconds left to get out of here alive! Go!” She was reaching under the counter when the Gray left - - at a waddling run.

Turning to the new man at the counter, she smiled very professionally and asked, “Sorry about the scene, General. What can I do for the Air Force today?”

Self-importantly, he replied, “What was that? It sounded like a jet engine test!”

Serenely, which is a bad sign with Genii, because it means that she is absolutely certain of her legal footing, Genii replied, “It was. X B-70 engine test. Starboard #2 engine began to develop vibration, so we aborted the test.

“It is ALL covered in my salvage contract. Do you need a copy?”

Sourly, the General replied, “Why bother? You can’t sell it if it is operational. Mass weapon laws.”

Smiling with her fangs but not her lovely eyes, Genii replied, “Loophole big enough to fly a carpet through, General. If I am not selling it on Earth, the laws don’t apply. I am not selling it anywhere that you have any authority.”

Voice hardening and chilling some, like maybe a glacier, she asked, “Do you have any actual business here?”

“Where are those ten computer stabilization systems that we ordered!” More a demand than a question. Bad way to make points with Genii.

Her face froze. “I have been forced to cut off all credit to the United States Armed Services. Proper notices were sent according to the contract. The reason given is failure to render payment of the agreed form or amount. Further, the Military Procurement Office has sent formal notice of refusal to pay and stated that I will receive only 1/10th of the outstanding total and that only by a check drawn on the Government.

“This has totally canceled our contracts and agreements. I filed a notice of repossession for all of the following items.”

She fished out a file box and gave the thunderstruck general a list. She also handed him a file of correspondence.

“That file and notice are copies of the originals. You may keep them or return them. Neither you nor any other armed service gets anything until I have my gold on the counter.”

I will give the General this. He took the whole file and settled himself at a large table. He began at the front and started working though it. Soon he was on a cell phone.

I was walking beside the Yardstick, guiding it with the handlebars. I brought it up to the counter and asked, “Got a Merlin S-multimeter, Genii? I want to check this out pretty carefully. I am certain that this is a Second Caliphate carpet but as near as my Pocket Dowse can show, the counterfeit label was sewed in with an Iron or Steel needle.

“Looks like that caused the control failure that made it crash.” I shook my head at foolishness. “Can you believe knowing enough to get a carpet like this and then sewing in the phony label for tax dodging with a steel needle? It shorted or blew out all the port side lift and control spells.”

Genii grinned hugely which showed off her big fangs wonderfully. She hopped across the counter again. She had five different willow wands and a very well worn Merlin in her hands.

She helped me to unroll the carpet. I showed her the weave and fringe damage that led me to think that the carpet had collided with something pretty solid at high speed.

Genii nodded agreement and plugged the biggest of the wands into the Merlin. Between us, we made sure that the original starboard spells were all intact.

The port side was a total loss. Between that steel needle and the impact damage that distorted the weave, and with it the spells, it was going to have to be totally reworked from fringe to fringe.

She looked up, shaking her head. “I got this out of the Lord Carleton Estate. I just paid a flat fee for it all. I was pretty sure of what this was but that was a LOT of stuff to sort. Drove my Yard Imps nuts.

“I just set it over in aircraft and hoped for the best. You lucked out, Jimmy. This IS a genuine and restorable Second Caliphate. I already have it priced.

“Yours for only five ounces.” She grinned again. I may be weird but I like Genii’s grin, fangs and all. She was holding out her hand.

Like a true gentleman, I dropped in three one troy ounce Krugerands and two Chinese Pandas. Genii, being Genii, closed her hand about them. When she opened it, the coins were gone and a receipt was in their place. It looked for all the world like a magic trick. Which it was. Real. Not slight of hand.

With the General expostulating fiercely into his phone in the background, Genii helped me roll the carpet snugly and secure it with straps for transport.

Carpet over my shoulder, I walked to the door. Looking out, the Gray and a companion were going over my rig, big jumper cables in hand.  They were trailing down from the nearly antique Type A saucer hovering overhead,. They were trying to find the hookup points for a jump-start. One was gabbling in Gray, “No Anti-gravity! How it fly?”

Door partly open, I called back inside, “Genii! The Grays are trying to swipe my rig from your parking lot!”

Snaring her fiercest, Genii came barreling out past me. She had what looked like a shotgun in hand. The double boom sounded like a shotgun all right. The result was not your normal shot shell hit on the tough hull alloy of the Type A saucer overhead.

The blue fire blast was something to behold. A visible hole about a foot across started to trail smoke most impressively. The saucer tilted some and sailed across Genii’s Yard Fence. A few moments later the array of crashes and the crunch of failing metal announced the end of the saucer, and probably, some expensive junk. The Grays ran like rabbits while Genii was reloading. Definitely not normal shotgun ammo.

I stowed my find and climbed under the cloth sunshade of my rig and, taking out my control wand, lifted my old Mohgul Carpet and took off for home. As I flew, I reflected that if Genii had lost some junk in the crash, she had gained a whole, nearly intact Type A saucer for salvage. I think that she was going to come out ahead. As usual.

–THE END–

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to the Bizarre Borderland

#GENII’S JUNK #Bizarre Borderland #modern fantasy #Written by De Writer

[superman86to99]

Adventures of Superman #505 (October 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMAN! The Reign is over, and Superman does what we’d all do after being dead for several weeks and coming back to life: no, not visiting your parents, making out with Lois Lane.

Or more than making out, since the next page starts with a caption that says “Later...” and lets us know that they both had to take a shower. (NOTE: Check Don Sparrow’s section below for artist Tom Grummett’s definitive take on what happened in that scene.)

Their post-resurrection bliss comes to a stop when they remember a little detail: Clark Kent is still presumed dead. How are they gonna explain his return without making the extremely smart residents of Metropolis suspect that Superman and the guy who looks like Superman but with glasses are actually the same person? Superman’s mind immediately goes into “wacky bullshit excuse” mode and he starts spitballing ideas, like claiming Clark lost his memory, or was carried by underwater currents, or was abducted by aliens. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that last one would work, since there have been THREE major alien invasions in the past few years, but Lois thinks no one would be dumb enough to fall for that sort of thing. Really, Lois? No one?

At this point, Superman picks up some supervillain activity with his super hearing, so he gets dressed and goes there (though it would have been pretty intimidating for the criminals if she’d shown up in that shower rug). A bank uptown has been taken over by Loophole, a S.T.A.R. Labs accountant who stole a gizmo that allows him to phase through walls. When Superman shows up to arrest him and his henchmen (are they all villainous accountants?), Loophole literally puts his first through Superman’s chest, instantly killing him. RIP Superman, again.

Nah, Supes just swats Loophole away and breaks the gizmo, causing him to get his crotch area stuck inside a vault door. Now he has to change his supervillain name to “DickVault”.

(I freaking love Maggie Sawyer, btw.)

After that, Superman goes to one of the areas trashed by his fight with Doomsday and helps clean up the junk that’s still laying around there. It’s then that he finally reunites with his best friend and most valued ally: Bibbo Bibbowski. (Jimmy Olsen’s there, too, unfortunately.)

Bibbo also introduces Superman to the dog he named in honor of his home planet, Krypto -- and it’s Krypto who provides the most significant moment in this issue. The little mutt starts barking at some debris from a destroyed building, leading Superman to examine it with his X-Ray vision and find some kids underneath.

Turns out the kids had been trapped there since the Doomsday fight, leading some random passerby (fine, Jimmy) to wonder if Clark could be stuck in a similar situation. Superman and Lois look at each other... giving Superman an idea and providing the premise for next week’s issue.

Character-Watch:

First appearance of Loophole (real name Deke Dickinson, C.P.A.), who would become a running joke in Karl Kesel’s Superman and Superboy comics. While his phasing powers are tech based, he also has the metahuman ability to somehow convince attractive women to be his girlfriends/henchwomen despite being a balding little dweeb. In this issue he’s dating a blonde named Sheila (who wears a mask, so maybe she’s actually hideous), but I’m pretty sure he had other girlfriends in future issues.

Plotline-Watch:

As I said... holy shit, five years ago: no one draws Supes coming back to Lois after an extended absence like Tom Grummett. This scene is almost a remake of the one from that issue when Superman comes back from his time traveling jaunt. There’s also a callback to Man of Steel #25, when Lois hears a tap on her window and thinks it’s Superman, but it’s just some dumb bird. This time she gets it the other way around:

Don Sparrow says: “There’s a cute visual callback to the last time Superman returned after a long absence on page 18, when Superman is reunited with Jimmy. It’s a near identical pose to Action #643, where Superman returned from exile in space (and in that moment, infected Jimmy with Eradicator-based space sickness, womp womp).” I think he’s instinctively throwing Jimmy up in the air, hoping the cold of space will kill him. Unfortunately, both murder attempts were unsuccessful.

As seen above, Maggie Sawyer wasn’t too convinced that “Fabio” here was Superman at first. That changes when he calls her “Captain” even though she was recently promoted to Inspector, and she’s like “only a dead man wouldn’t know all the precise ranks for the local authorities!”

The surviving non-Supermen are seen arriving at S.T.A.R. Labs for medical care after the Engine City showdown. Don again: “There are some mild continuity issues stemming from Superman #82, which perhaps wasn’t completely finished being drawn while Tom Grummett worked on this one, as Steel’s costume is almost entirely intact, when we last saw it a week ago, it was in tatters. Ditto the Eradicator, who was a wizened husk, and now is apparently a scorched Ivan Drago.” Let’s assume Supergirl worked her clothes-shifting magic on Steel’s armor and the Eradicator’s, uh, hair.

There’s a short scene where Superboy is visited by his reporter pal Tana Moon, who tells him she quit WGBS and is leaving Metropolis. Awww. Goodbye, Tana. Or should I say... aloha?

Meanwhile, Lex Luthor Jr. has a scene with Dr. Happersen where he says he intends to control or destroy anyone who wears the “S” symbol. Basically, if he can’t date them, they should be dead. He also instructs Happersen to help Cadmus’ Director Westfield get in contact with disgraced genetician Dabney Donovan. Get ready for a whole lot of clone-related shenanigans in the near future.

And now, more Don Sparrow-related shenanigans after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

This issue is another favourite of mine, but I suppose all these issues around the Death and Return are faves when I really think about it.  My copy of this issue had the holographic fireworks cover, and it’s a good one.  I like that Superman and the Daily Planet are in natural colour, rather than holograms.  The cover credit goes Karl Kesel, Tom Grummett and Doug Hazlewood, so I’m not sure what the breakdown was (or if that’s just a handwritten cover credit, just in case?

The story opens with one of my favourite sequences ever, with Lois waking up on her couch, having fallen asleep following the events in Coast City.  I love the detail as she opens the curtain, we see her engagement ring, indicating she knows her real fiancée has returned.  This sequence is followed up by two pages of splashes of the passionate reunion of the best couple in comics.  All beautifully rendered as they float, locked in a passionate, sunrise kiss.  Just lovely (so lovely that I am willing to overlook a small colouring error, as Lois has black hair instead of reddish brown for one panel).  [Max: I can confirm that they fixed that in the collections.]

What follows is a very cute scene, and one of some debate among Superman fans.  There’s no overt evidence of what happened, all we get is a cryptic caption reading “later…”.   Again, I give credit for the subtlety of the writers, as they depict this scene in a way that can be read either way:  maybe Clark and Lois made love, and the “later” we are seeing is afterglow, or maybe Lois had a shower since she just woke up after sleeping in her clothes. Then, after calling his parents while Lois showered, Clark had a shower himself.  I feel like today’s writers wouldn’t feel the need to be so subtle, and might lose the sweetness of this scene.  

In previous posts, I’ve talked about my friendship with artist Tom Grummett, and how as a boy, I would wear him out with all my dumb fanboy questions.  Once I got older, and our relationship became a little more collegial (just a little closer to collegial, since I in no way consider myself anywhere near his level of skill or success) I would really try not to geek out too much when we would visit.  But the one question I had to ask was about this scene, and what their intention, or interpretation of it was, as I was always curious.  Once I had explained to him which issue it was (the guy has drawn hundreds, so they might not all spring to mind immediately!) he admitted that his assumption was indeed that they had sex.  So there you have it!  [Max: Hot damn! Another Superman ‘86 to ‘99 exclusive, folks!]

However you wish to read this scene, the choreography, and facial expressions as they horse around is really sweet and fun, and such a nice, light tone compared to the do-or-die pace the books had been for the last two years or so.   Their easy joking, and back and forth banter really do a great job of showing them as a real couple.

It’s a very nice pose on Supergirl as she lifts off, simultaneously spurning Superboy’s romantic complaints.

I quite like the design on Loophole, and his gang.  Loophole himself kinda harkens back to the silver age villains of the Flash as Loophole has a unique hairline, is an older man, with a pretty average build, which was rare for villains in the 90s. His gimmick is pretty cool, too, though we immediately see its vulnerability.

The tearful reunion of the now-sober Bibbo and Superman is also a great moment—if anyone rose to the challenge of living up to Superman’s example in his absence, it was Bibbo.  I discuss the scene in more detail in the observations later, but the image of Superman whipping away the debris on page 20 is a great visual, with the dust clouds creating great motion and urgency.

On the whole, a great first issue for the return to the never-ending battle, even if it brings us closer to Grummett’s last issue on this title (for a while).

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Could Superman referring to the Death and Return storyline as a dream, while stepping out of the shower be a reference to Dallas, and their famous about-face after an unpopular season, where Bobby Ewing emerged from the shower, alive and well, dismissing a yearlong storyline as a dream?

A coy semi-reference to perhaps my favourite line in the first Reeve Superman film on page 8, where Supergirl says “Easy steel, we’ve got you, then later adding, “ok, you got me”.  

A little more issue-to-issue dissonance with Superboy reversing himself from the end of Superman #82, where he said clearly that Kal-El was Superman, with Superboy pointing out that legally, he’s Superman and not Kal. [Max: I think he’s talking strictly in the legal sense, since he helps Superman deal with the legal problem on the next issue and all.]

For all the times that Superman has used his heat vision on guns (as he does on page 11), we’ve never seen rounds get burned off, firing on their own because of the heat.  There might be an idea there.    

An odd sorta-cameo by Erik Larsen’s Savage Dragon, who Superman apparently defeats in the waterfront district. An eagle-eyed reader asked Larsen about it in issue #6 of Dragon’s own book, and he nixed any proper crossover rumours, saying it was just a shout-out from Larsen’s buddy Karl Kesel.  Eventually they’d meet in Superman/Savage Dragon: Chicago, a so-so crossover in 2002.

A slightly bawdy joke from one of the Loophole gang, on page 14, as the moll of Deke Dickson calls Loophole a “weiner”.  

GODWATCH: A stirring moment when Superman detects the faintest of life-signs, thanks to would-be super-pup, Krypto, and responds “God willing” when someone asks if anyone is alive in that wreckage.  The love and concern in Superman’s eyes when he says he’d “rather die” himself than let little ones perish is a tear-jerker moment for sure.  Bonus points for the cuteness of Superman heaping praise on Krypto, with the line “if that dog could fly, I’d put a cape on him…”

Question:  Does Jimmy know? He comes up with the solution to the Clark problem very conveniently.  Maybe he’s smarter than we (and by we, I mean Max) give him credit for? [Max: It was all Krypto! Okay, I’ll concede that maybe Jimmy is as smart as a dog.]

#superman #karl kesel #tom grummett #doug hazlewood #superboy #steel #supergirl #S.T.A.R. Labs #eradicator #loophole #maggie sawyer #dan turpin #sydney happersen #tana moon #bibbo bibbowski #krypto #dickvault #the man whose dick is a vault

[captain-aralias]

Vampirism for fun and profit

We learned some good stuff about vampires from ‘Wayward Son’. Here’s a list, because like @sharkmartini​ says - it could come in useful. (To fic writers, I assume; not vampires who are new to vampirism.)

Big ticket items are obviously to do with ageing and the effects of vampire bites. I will also add in - the vampire thrall, which is a significant new ability we didn’t know about. 

Ageing and immortality: 

Lots of this obviously has to be taken with a pinch of salt, as it comes from Lamb who is not a reliable source. I assume it is the truth - but given that we have no proof, it could easily be ignored or disproved in fic or later books.

It’s strongly implied that vampires are immortal unless killed. Also, they either have very slow ageing or don’t age. 

Lamb implies repeatedly that he’s around 300 years old (when vampire society was very different), asks Baz how old he is “really”, and the NowNext vampires specifically want vampirism because it stops them ageing. 

"I pre-date choice. ... All my people understood was war and hunger, and demons who came in the dark." (Chapter 52)

Does vampirism stop ageing immediately? @krisrix theorises that it’s to do with drinking human blood, rather than animal blood, which makes sense to me. However, we might also hypothosise that since Lamb’s brother killed his parents before he went for Lamb, it’s possible he was much younger than the 34 he claims to appear to be when he was turned and has now aged to around 34.

There’s plenty still to play with here - Baz isn’t very good at asking questions about his condition, and did not get information about what loopholes exist. 

Lamb also claims that you can’t stop being a vampire, but presumably he has never tried:

"You won't feel so close to them, the Normals, once you've outlived your ties to mortality ... There's no unbecoming, Baz. There's no sidestepping your true identity. All the rabbits in the world won't change you back. They'll just leave you thirsty." (Chapter 52)

The Turn and other effects of vampire bites:

I was willing to challenge this one when we just had ‘Carry On’, although it’s presented as pure fact that Baz’s fangs will turn someone into a vampire. But of course he literally does not know. (Which is all the proof you should need that everything is up for grabs, unless Baz has experienced himself. And even then, we might be able to write it off later because he’s so isolated and doesn’t know how to be a vampire.)

Again - none of this is provable as once again nobody thinks to get any evidence for Lamb’s claims or Shepard’s hearsay. (Why not look up that guy who got bitten? Isn’t this relevant to your life, Baz?) However it seems likely that not all bites result in someone becoming a vampire.

"Oh I doubt he Turned him," Shepard says, smothering his chips in ketchup. "Vampires hate to Turn people. They either take a sip and let you go - or drain you dry"

Lamb says the same thing:

"So you don't Turn people?" "Rarely. Most of don't want the chaos and competition. Almost no one wants the responsibility." (Chapter 52)

However, it’s worth noting here again that when he talks about his brother he states that his brother didn’t want a “comrade”; he was “thirsty”. So it seems like if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can definitely Turn someone accidentally. 

If, however, you do know what you’re doing, you don’t have to kill or Turn. Again - we primarily hear from the vampire’s POV, but Lamb strongly and repeatedly implies that people like being bitten. 

"No need to leave a corpse when you can leave a satisfied customer, you know?" (Chapter 44)

"Because I didn't enjoy being bitten."  "Then someone was doing it wrong." (Chapter 52)

You could argue that this is supported by the sight of the Normal (?) girl Baz sees at the party, who does seem to be having a good time.

"A Very beautiful woman - a girl my age - stumbles past me, laughing. There's blood streaked down her neck" (Chapter 44)

Not entirely sure whether the guy who gets bitten later in the chapter is enjoying it, though, so ... again, room to play with whatever.

"The man's neck goes limp. His head droops back, his hat falls off. His eyes immediately glaze over. I've seen that face on a deer before." (Chapter 44)

Turn is always capitalised, btw. 

Different kinds of blood: 

Shephard notes that Baz looks greyer than the rest of the vampires:

Not as drained and ghostly. If this is what a vampire is supposed to look like, then maybe Baz is a vampire with an iron deficiency." (Chapter 53)

Lamb probably confirms that Baz’s colour and the kind of blood he drinks are related:

"No wonder you're so pale. You're malnourished."(Chapter 50)

The NextBlood vampires are probably all really new vampires (like - the last 10 years), but they don’t look like Baz. They look incredibly healthy and are almost certainly surviving on human blood they get from somewhere. They don’t drink blood; they transfuse. 

"They don't even drink, Baz - they transfuse. They won't touch anything that hasn't been tested frozen, and stored. I've heard they've started pasteurising.” (Chapter 50).

We also learned (and we learned this for sure) that you can fang-up or fang-down at will. (Chapter 50)

The smell of Simon:

Last time on ‘Baz doesn’t want to eat his friends but he also does’, he told Simon he smelt like bacon and cinamon buns (CO, Chapter 71) - although he might have been being metaphorical. (I tend to think not, but could be convinced.) Later, at the leaver’s ball, he says Simon’s smell has changed - and now he smells like “something sweet and brown. No more green fire and brimstone.” (CO, Epilogue)

This time we get a new description, although it tallies with the CO Epilogue.

Simon smells like the kitchen after you pop popcorn and melt butter. There's a singe to it, with a round, yellow, fatty feeling that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Bunce is sharper and sweeter - vinegar and treacle. (Chapter 14)

And when Simon is shot:

Simon's blood smells like brown butter. (Chapter 60)

Baz tries to block this out with Altoids, which he must buy specially from some sort of posh-person shop because I’ve never seen them on sale. 

They're very good for blocking out blood smells. Especially the spearmint flavour." (Chapter 55)

The thrall and other vampire abilities:

There’s not much to say about this, but I thought it came out of nowhere. And I know the gang had lots of worry about but no one was like, holy shit - vampires can do that??

Lamb did something to me. Hypnotized me or something. (Chapter 55)

In this particular case Shepard appears to those around him to be napping. (Is that all the thrall can do? We have no information.) It doesn’t feel good once it wears off.

I'm still a little hungover from my vampire thrall. (Chapter 50)

The other abilities are all confirmation of, or build on, things we learned in ‘Carry On’.

Advanced hearing: Lamb and Baz are both able to hear Simon’s heartbeat. (Chapter 52)

All senses are particularly advanced at night (which I think might be knew. We know they don’t like sunlight, but this seems to be more than that. Like - senses get better.) Although I treat this as the least trustworthy piece of information Lamb gives us as it’s just before the betrayal. (Chapter 54) 

Vampires move in a particularly stealthy way that is very noticeable: 

Vampires aren't especially beautiful (though some are). That's a myth, I think - vampire beauty. What they are is especially rich. And especially ... liquid. They move like oil, like shadows. Like cats. (Chapter 44)

General speed, strength, feeling like a brick wall if you punch them, faster healing (to go with not getting sick in CO). 

I know that I heal faster than other people. (More proof that I'm nota person.) But I've never really tested my limits. No one's ever emptied a shotgun into my chest or kicked me in the gut with steel-toed cowboy boots...

The worst I've been injured before this was when the numpties took me. I think my leg healed right away even then - but it healed wrong because I was stuck in that coffin.

Before that, there were fights with Simon. A few black eyes over the years, a split lip. I healed fast from those injuries, but so did he. I think Simon's magic used to heal him, even when he couldn't cast the spells to heal himself. (Chapter 37)

Vampire weaknesses: 

I don’t think much is new here, but as Baz remarks at the end, we certainly do know a lot about how to kill vampires. Some methods include: fire, beheading, being possessed by a demon and then getting a vampire to bite you, staking.

The vampire impaled on my axe handle has already started to wither. Like it was the magic in his heart holding him together. I pull back the stake, and he falls - a man-shaped pile of blood and boots and ashes. (Chapter 22)

Methods that don’t work include: gunshot and potentially most other weapons, although I can’t tell whether the Ren Fayre weapons are just terrible. (I assumed they were, and that this was hilarious.) 

There’s a bit more information about crosses as well. I thought Doctor Wellbelove had given Simon a specific vampire talisman, but apparently literally any cross will do, bonus points for silver. (Simon’s is gold.)

There are at least three people wearing crosses sitting near me. One of them must be silver; my nose won't stop running. (Chapter 9)

This makes me think that maybe what happened was that Simon said ‘my roommate’s a vampire, help!’ and Agatha’s dad was like, I don’t think so, Simon, but OK here you go - here’s a cross that will protect you from the, ahem, “vampire”. It was supposed to be a placebo, but since no one knows anything about vampires, Simon got back to school and Baz was like ‘argh, wtf is this??”

(N.B. It makes no sense to me that the cross thing is real, btw. Not all crosses are blessed, which means they’re just shapes. Why would vampires be repelled by a shape?)

Vampires get sunburnt. And go black, rather than red. (Chapter 16) Baz thinks it might not heal, but it does, just more slowly.

Baz, at least, can get drunk. Lamb implies that other vampires don’t - is this because Baz is a weirdo vampire, or because he just isn’t a big drinker? I assume the latter, but could be convinced of the former.

History and society: 

There’s a lot of stuff about the Las Vegas vampires, which I’m not recording because there’s lots of it and I’m mostly interested in this stuff for Baz-related fic and I’m assuming he will never go back to Vegas.

Are things like vampires being ‘tight lipped’ and vampires being ‘over the top’ specific to Las Vegas or the species? I assume it’s cultural and specific to the Vegas vampires.

Some famous UK vampire killings:

"I remember hearing, back in the fifties, that there wasn't a single one of us left in the UK - that Old Man Pitch had driven us out, like St Patrick driving the snakes from Ireland." (Chapter 44)

And of course Beatrix Potter apparently murdered every vampire in Lancashire.

You can apparently get a medal for slaying vampires. (Chapter 23) And all the shit the Mage did pales in comparison with him chatting to vampires. It doesn’t even seem to matter what he asked them to do for him (i.e. murder someone) - it’s literally just talking to them. (Chapter 37) The World of Mages is fucked up.

Baz doing other vampire stuff:

"Pork is the worst, sometimes I have to leave the Watford dining hall on days they served bacon" (Chapter 50)

Baz has also read Ann Rice and once ate his own dog. (Chapter 22)

That’s all I got!

According to the Kindle copy I have, the word ‘vampire’ (including vampires, but not vampirism) is mentioned 302 times in ‘Wayward Son’ compared to only 162 times in ‘Carry On’.

If you spot anything I missed, have other theories about vampires, or just want to talk about how Baz is a vampire, please let me know.

#wayward son spoilers #wayward son #carry on

[cryptovalid]

The Rise of Skywalker is Bad, but I was wrong to expect any better (and it’s not as bad as I expected, either)

If the title did not give it away, I’m conflicted about Star Wars Episode IX: the Rise of Skywalker. I just saw it in theatres, and I thought it was bad, but I can’t muster up any scorn or outrage. It’s just like the popcorn I ate: bland and forgettable, and somewhat stale. I guess it helps I was never a huge Star Wars fan at any time. I’ve seen every movie in the series, except for Solo. but I’ve not seen any of them more than once or twice. In short, I’ve always thought of Star Wars as Fine, but also massively overrated. I believe the interesting concepts in A New Hope and the Empire Strikes Back were squandered by first George Lucas, and then J.J. Abrams.

 I can’t say that Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was my favorite Star Wars movie, but it was without a doubt the least compromised of all the other entries. It had something to say whether fans liked it or not. It wasn’t meandering, self-indulgent and uncanny like Lucas’ prequels, and did not take the original trilogy as unassailable gospel the way JJ Abrams does. I did not like the pacing or how Poe and Finn’s characters seemed less central to the story, but I understand why Rian Johnson focused on Rey’s interactions with Luke. The message of the Last Jedi was bold and challenging for fans: the Force is for Everyone and fans are wrong to obsess over the royalist eugenics and power fantasies in the original trilogy. Johnson wanted to focus on some of the more challenging aspects of war: loss, betrayal, and failure. Not everyone liked that, but for all that it did to sideline my favorite new characters, Finn and Poe, that was a daring and worthwhile statement to make.  

That said, I expected Disney to fully backtrack, given the way TLJ was received. So expectations were not high. Watching RoS is a strange experience. It’s kind of fun but also profoundly unoriginal and hackneyed. But given how similar it is to the Original Trilogy, it just made me realize that Star Wars was never as good as I imagined it was (or could be?). For Rise of Skywalker to be actually great, it would have to Rise (pardon the pun) above its predecessors. Which obviously it didn’t.  

 From here on there be Spoilers for SWIX: ROS

Let’s talk nuts and bolts. This movie is a random remix  of setpieces and McGuffins, artificially raised stakes and callbacks and hommages to the Orginal Trilogy. There’s a thing the heroes need to find the resurrected Emperor, and 80% of the movies is just a huge wild goose chase that also involves Kyle Ron stalking Rey to convince her to rule to galaxy with him. Then there’s a bunch of Death Stars and  confrontation with the Emperor. It’s all quite well paced, shot and scored, and even though I am highly critical of both the stilted dialogue and the uninspired plotting, the film is at least entertaining to watch. It is frequently funny and tense, sometimes unintentionally. And this, looking back, is really all that Star Wars can really claim to be. It’s an all-ages action comedy about war with some fantasy and sci fi for flavor and that’s really all that Star Wars has ever been.   

I had an epiphany as I watched Kyle Ron’s redemption and the messages around the Dark and Light Side. I was first struck by the fact that they are really the same story beats as the original trilogy, with some details changed that merely made it more obvious how hypocritical, lazy and thematically inconsistent these ideas have been from the beginning. Redeeming Darth Vader was always a cheap copout. He is a mass-murderer whose last action is sacrificing his life to kill the Emperor. He never really reckons with his many, many crimes. 

It becomes slightly grosser when Kyle Ron has one warm moment with his mom before she dies, a near-death experience and a peptalk from the dad he murdered, murders a bunch of goons, and sacrifices himself to save Rey’s life. For this, Rey immediately not only forgives him for the mass kidnappings, genocide, torture and the many times he threatened, gaslit and assaulted her, but immediately kisses him. It’s such a gendered framing of redemption that basically reproduces the views that narcissists and abusers have about relationships: that you can treat others like literal dogshit and redeem yourself with a single grand gesture of self-sacrifice. I’ve talked about the Martyr Dad before on this account, but making it a romantic thing is so much worse. This is the cycle of abuse to a T.

In terms of the Light Side Versus the Dark Side, Star wars has always wanted its cake and to eat it too. On the one hand, it wants to suggest that the Light Side is a fundamentally morally opposed way of living focused on ‘Knowledge and Defense‘, that striking a Sith down in Anger is something the Light Side can not abide, but in the end, the Light Side always wins because the Sith are violently killed. It always feels like a convenient loophole that Darth Vader throws the Emperor into a nearby pit so that Luke doesn’t need to get his hands dirty. All the more so when the resurrected Emperor literally has his own Force Lightning reflected into his face by Rey’s dual wielding two Skywalker Lightsabers+3. It’s cheap. It’s moral sofistry with the gratification of a power fantasy.

You might have noticed I’ve said nothing about my soft boys, Poe and Finn, or Rose Tycho for that matter. That’s because they’re not important to the overarching story. They could easily have been cut from the film without significantly altering the story. They pad the runtime. They’re charming and funny as always and the writers give them stuff to do in every act, but it’s not the A-plot. The story is partially about Kyle Ron having an admittedly well-acted but very hackneyed redemption arc that is sure to please fans of the character but doesn’t involve in any sense an understanding that he has hurt billions of people. His redemption is exclusively about his parents, who are the only people he’s hurt that are worth mentioning in this context. The other part is the revelation that Rey does have a special lineage: she’s Palpatine’s granddaughter. This is why she’s powerful and also why she’s tempted by the dark side. 

If the message of TLJ was ‘we’re all equals in the eyes of the force‘, ROS is basically a massive apology for even entertaining that idea, and reaffirms that all the important characters are related by blood to characters from the original trilogy and all the rest are also there, I guess. If you’ve ever thought that you could be as strong in the force as Luke or Kylo or Rey, you are a fool. After all, your parents weren’t Force Royalty. You thought a person of color or a non-force user could be the key to defeating fascism? You thought main characters could be anything other than straight? Utter simpleton, you. You thought redeeming yourself from mass-murder was difficult, or that the Jedi were flawed just like every other organisation? Nah mate, the bad guys wear black robes and we totally fucked them up with laser swords and heavy ordinance. 

Don’t worry, white hetero superfan looking for a power fantasy that doesn’t challenge your beliefs or moral superiority. Your priorities and fixations are our script editor. We’re sorry, Disney appears to say with this movie, that we would ever suggest there was anything more to Star Wars as a franchise. We promise, she may be a girl, but in all other respects, she’s just like Luke now. Except this time, Luke is hot and totally into your edgy dark side.

Ok, I’m sorry, that’s just the bitter shipper in me. Finn deserved better. He deserved to be a main character. A love interest. His redemption was never fully framed as such, nor did he ever really get credit for being a consistently supportive, relatable, honorable character with the scintillating charisma of John Boyega. Despite being literally raised as a child soldier, he was never seen as a good example of redemption and somehow, he was not considered a main character. This is, I believe, the greatest waste of this trilogy.

Fuck the idea of a Dynasty of the Force. Fuck Eugenics. Fuck this idea that your birth is what makes you powerful. It is weak. It is lazy. It is boring. 

I had such high hopes after Episode VII, despite it being derivative. It appeared in that moment that Finn could be love interest for both Rey and Poe. Perhaps even at the same time! I imagined the climax of this trilogy would be all about Finn growing from a deserter unsure that he could ever make a difference, to becoming a true hero. I imagined the heroes facing the First Order in their darkest hour, when all is lost. I imagined them being rescued by defecting Stormtroopers, painting their helmets with three vertical red stripes in honour of the First Traitor. I imagined my boy Finn leading a legion of traitors, proving that all it takes to defeat fascism is to reject it and inspire others to do the same. 

But of course, that hope was foolish. I shouldn’t have expected good storytelling from a series that pays lip service to non-violence and redemption while handling both as cheap, esthetic elements rather than actual narrative commitments.

#SW IX #Rise of Skywalker #Star Wars Criticism #Finn positive #Finnrey #Finnpoe #Anti reylo

[anotherunreadblog]

I need to say something about Avengers: Endgame. Warning: spoilers under the cut. (obviously)

It’s been nearly a week now since I’ve seen the movie and I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t hate it, but I still take issue with one thing, well more than one but this post is only about one thing.

Natasha’s death has me livid. 

Full disclosure, she’s never been my favorite character. My reaction to her death wasn’t fueled by personal love for the character, it’s purely about women’s representation and their treatment in movies.

Avengers: Endgame is about wrapping up the story arcs of the original Avengers: Tony, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Clint, and Natasha. Notice how there’s only one woman in that group. Now Marvel has since added more female characters to their cinematic universe, recently they had their first female lead with Captain Marvel. It took them 10 years, but nevermind that, I loved that movie. So Endgame takes us back to original six for one final showdown.

Can someone then explain to me why Natasha, the only woman in the original Avengers, was the one to be killed halfway into the movie?  The only one that doesn’t make it to the end of the movie, that doesn’t get a little epilogue. 

I’m not gonna lie, I was expecting her death going into the movie. I didn’t really have a problem with it, but it’s where and how it happened that pissed me off. 

My huge annoyance with Infinity War was Gamora’s death. Thanos is an abusive father who kills his daughter while claiming to love her and is rewarded with the soul stone. In that sense, the movie confirms his love for her was real, and I don’t think you can love someone and be willing to kill them, that’s not fucking love. 

Anyway, going back to Endgame, I was hoping they’d address that. When they went back for the soul stone, I thought to myself “They’re the heroes, they’ll find another way.”. I mean throughout Infinity War, they were all “we can’t sacrifice Vision, one life is already one too many”. But now they do this.

When Red Skull told them what the deal was and it cut to them sitting around, I again thought they were going to look for another way. Instead, we had Clint and Natasha fight over who should commit suicide. Ultimately, everyone in that theater knew it wasn’t gonna be Clint, he had a family. Natasha didn’t have a reason to stay alive. Of course, that’s because the writers never gave her any, but moving on. Clint opened the movie, getting his family back was his arc. Natasha was reduced to a death propelling the arc of a male character. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Clint should have died. What I’m saying is that there are writers behind those movies. They make the rules, they decided to send that pair to the soul stone. They decided to then kill Natasha instead of finding some loophole or some alternate means of getting the stone. The Avengers are the heroes, good people don’t kill their loved ones, maybe the soul stone gets that and they are rewarded for some pure soulmate stuff instead. I don’t know, but this was just a scene we’d already seen. (Not comparing Thanos to Clint in any way, just saying setting and result, i.e. they get the stone, are the same)

I still enjoyed the shot of all the women of the mcu (minus Natasha) at the end of the movie, but I can just tell they’re clapping themselves on the back not realizing what Natasha's death looks like. I mean they reduced the cast down to basically two women for Endgame, Nebula, and Natasha. Then they killed one of those two women before she could even make it to the final fight. 

I’m mad and disappointed, but not surprised. I think that’s the saddest part too, that it’s never a surprise because that’s how these things, too often, go.

#avengers: endgame #endgame spoilers #spoilers #rant #about natasha #needed to write this #get it off my chest at length so I can move on #oops this got long #almost wrote an essay my bad

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #114

This is it! The last regular issue of this comic that I own!

I guess the changing of the guard leaving Arsenal in charge was the last straw for me. Or maybe the last straw was that Pantha's tail hole on her shorts never ripped so that I could see her butthole. One of those two reasons is definitely why I stopped buying this comic though. This issue is called "24 Hours" which makes me think of Gaiman's The Sandman which makes me think, "Why the fuck am I rereading this shit when I could be rereading that shit?!" Oh wait! I actually know the reason for this! It's because these Titans comic books were stored in a big old regular sized moving box that I wanted to get out of the way! Also I've reread The Sandman and I've never reread this. And since I'll be fifty in a little over two years, I should probably get all of the stupid time-wasting bullshit ideas out of my head now. Any writing projects I can't finish by the time I'm fifty, I'm abandoning. At that time, I'll just make up new ones that will only entertain me and a few other people. So if I've ever said anything in passing about something I was going to do, like finishing the Goggles Futures End story or my Fantastickal Fuck-Fighting Books, you'd better get your vote in now! The issue begins at midnight with Changeling getting his ass beat by a dark silhouette who claims Changeling promised to "end her living days." I don't know who that might be or why this is happening. With Zero Hour beginning right around this time, my comic books might become complete nonsense. I just have to hope the comic books involved in that non-crisis-labeled crisis will have "Zero Hour Tie-in" labels on the front. I probably don't understand what's going on in this one because Marv Wolfman is being artsy. And fuck if I know anything about art! I read comic books for a reason, people! At 1:10 AM, Starfire flies around wondering if Earth is really her home. Yes, it takes six panels for her to ask that question. But she's also being artsy in a poetic way! She uses phrases like "scarlet sea" and "delicious nectar" and "golden skies." It's almost as if somebody scoffed at Marv Wolfman when he mentioned he wrote comic books earlier in the week and he thought, "I'll show them!" Then he was all, "Hey! That issue by that new kid Gaiman was kind of artsy! It had those clocks that showed what time it is and the whole thing took place in only 24 hours and it was all filmed in real time although with all the cuts from one character to another, why did it even fucking matter? Oh wait, it's only 1994! I don't know who Jack Bauer is yet!" At 3:36 AM, Pantha breaks into somebody's apartment. Supposedly it's the person who changed her from a person into a cat or from a cat into a person. But it isn't so Pantha gets to scream in existential angst which is the only cathartic release available to those of us who know nothing has any meaning and all of our clothes need to be tailored so the tail can stick out of them. At 4:10 AM, Dick Grayson proves he's a master of disguise by first being unrecognizable and then being unrecognizable in a different way.

A true master of disguise! He's already showing hints of his ability to be Agent 37 of Spyral.

Notice how the panels are all wonky in the previous scan? I'm sure Marv Wolfman put a note in the script to the artist: "We're being artsy this issue! Art it up!" At 5:20 AM, we finally learn what happened to Deathwing. I don't mean we get an explanation of what Mirage did to him and why he doesn't have testicles anymore. We just see that he's making an appearance so that the audience can go, "Oh, that fuckbunny isn't dead? Great." The silhouette from earlier has dragged Changeling into Deathwing's bachelor pad. She's still just a dark profile but she mentions that Changeling is probably strong enough to accept her seed so it must be Raven. I guess being a demon from a dimension of empaths means you don't learn about the birds and the bugs. Unless this answers a question I'm sure I asked much earlier! Changeling can turn into a female version of any species! And Raven squirts semen because, well, she's Trigon's daughter. At 6:05 AM, Arsenal goes jogging with Bill Clinton. Clinton messes up Sergeant Steel's plans to manipulate the Titans into working for the government by telling Roy that he wants the Titans to be completely independent but he hopes that they'll work with the government. This plot point feels like Marv worked himself into a story arc that he didn't want to pursue any more. It's not like the DC Universe needed another team working on behalf of the U.S. government. At 6:15 AM, Garfield Logan finally gets laid.

Okay, maybe he doesn't get laid. But he definitely comes in his pants.

Do you think Marv Wolfman was in the shower when he thought, "Comic books have 24 pages. There are 24 hours in a day. Hey! I should steal an idea from Neal Gaiman!" At 7:43 AM, Nightwing crashes through a skylight. Just like Batman taught him! I can hear Bruce now: "Good job, Dick! Now they'll have to call Wayne Skylight and Window Repair! Another payday for the Batman!" At 9:00 AM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras Minion of some planet in the Alpha Centauri system watches his entire race disintegrate before his eyes. Probably a symptom of Zero Hour! At 10:05 AM, Nightwing declares, "I'm not a doctor! I just feel like a doctor!" It's his philosophical explanation for why he doesn't use lethal force. It totally makes sense because Nightwing still punches the shit out of people just like how doctor's love to give shots and cut people open. At 11:20 AM, Changeling begs to remain a virgin. He escapes but he has some missing time so he might also be pregnant. I guess I'll never know unless he starts showing in 24 hours! Or I'm curious enough to go buy some back issues. Ha ha! That was a joke! I have no curiosity. Page 12 is noon, of course! Nightwing has lunch with a detective because Dick Grayson had the fear of Alfred beaten into him about sitting down promptly at noon for the midday meal. Twenty-four hours for Dick Grayson went like this: 9 PM - 4 AM: Risk life with grown ass adult man in bat costume. 4 AM - 8 AM: Sleep. 8 AM - 9 AM: Waffles. 9 AM - 12 PM: Training. 12 PM - 1 PM: Cucumber sandwiches. 1 PM - 5 PM: Study time. 5 PM - 6 PM: Tea. 6 PM - 9 PM: Try to evade Bruce and Alfred as Dick finds a quiet spot to masturbate. At 1:30 PM, Roy has coffee with Steel. The government's final offer to the Titans: the government gives the Titans the Terraist's satellite, an Earthbound base, and money to pay off any lawsuits against the Titans and in return, the Titans promise to consider missions for the United States. What a terrible deal for the government! The Titans can just turn down every mission and the United States gets nothing for their investment. There must be a loophole. Steel reminds Roy, "You gotta decide fast!" As if it wasn't the easiest deal in the world to say yes to! At 2:25 PM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras roleplays Kal-el's early days. As his world is destroyed (along with some visiting Darkstars), Jarras escapes in a pod called the Omegadrone. It's both an escape pod and a weapon! I don't remember the character Minion at all. Probably because this was the last Titans comic I read for decades. At 3:55 PM, Wolfman reveals that Red Star has taken a job as a mall security cop. And I guess a babysitter as well since Baby Wildebeest is hanging out with him. At 4:10 PM, Roy Harper signs the contract with the government even though he knows it's going to blow up in his face. Fucking leftist comic book writers, portraying the United States government as underhanded, manipulative bastards who don't give a shit who they hurt to get what they want! At 5:20 PM, a bunch of Darkstars are killed by the rainbow spiral that destroyed Jarras's planet. The populace of the planet had been bred to be passive. So I guess the moral of this story is that hippie beatnik pacifists are only asking for trouble. Fucking right wing comic book writers! Well, at least Jarras has learned the lesson that peace is for dead people. The Omegadrone will teach him how to get revenge. At 6:03 PM, Roy thinks he's going to get Wally West to join his government Titans team but he's really going to get Impulse. I know that because I looked at the future roster of this team: Arsenal, Damage, Impulse, Mirage, and Terra. No wonder I stopped reading it! At 7:32 PM, Nightwing takes a shower. Naked! I know that's how most people take showers and I probably didn't need to emphasize it but he also jerks off so maybe I should have started with that.

DC canon: Dick Grayson jerks off thinking about puns.

And after he finishes.

At 8:54 PM, Dick Grayson turns in his resignation to Roy Harper. He's officially off the Titans! Good riddance, ya dumb jerk! If that even is you. Try looking more like Dick Grayson next issue, Dick Grayson! At 9:20 PM, Red Star, Pantha, and Baby quit the Titans as well. Then they go on a romantic road trip which DC apparently didn't publish. There's an advert in this issue for a Green Arrow story arc called "Cross Roads" that the copy compares to Knightfall and which nobody fucking remembers (probably!) but DC never published a Red Star/Pantha team-up?! No, they were right. Just as I was typing that, I was thinking, "Fuck, I would never have purchased that shit." At 10:10 PM, Changeling agrees to stick with the Titans. But he's full of Raven's disgusting seed, so he'll probably just turn on them immediately. At 11:05 PM, Dick and Kory break-up. But not in person! Dick waits for her to arrive to a dinner where he can dump her but Kory knows better and just flies into outer space. I don't remember what happens with her but it's probably super boring. I'm sure she goes home, fights with Blackfire, fights some Gordanians or whatever dumb race always enslaved the Tamaraneans, and then remembers why she moved to Earth in the first place. At midnight, Phantasm arrives to lead Harper and Logan into Damage #6. And then into Titans Zero Hour! Oh. So I guess I do have one more issue of this story arc to read: New Titans #0. I also have a Titans Elseworld Annual in the stack. Plus a Team Titans Elseworld Annual and one more Team Titans issue. And finally, before I can totally move on, Deathstork #0! New Titans #114 Rating: C. The one hour per page gimmick really helps Marv Wolfman clean up a bunch of loose ends to get the Titans ready for a big group change in Zero Hour. Plus he was able to shove in the Minion origin story (which was really just Superman's origin). And I usually give the art a pass even when it's not very good (and I often ignore it when it's great!) but holy Lobo's bulging crotch, it was fucking terrible this issue. It was so bad that I'm not even going to remember who the artist was so that I don't have to feel embarrassed for them.

#New Titans #Teen Titans #DC Comics #DC #Comic Book Reviews